How to get your spark back (rerun)

We lose our spark and love for life for many reasons: burnout, mental ill health, people pleasing, a breakup. When we do it can feel like life gets very boring, it loses colour, we lose interest and we can become cynical towards all of the small joys and brilliance of being alive and being human. In this episode we break down six tips for getting your spark back: The power of rest Choosing to live light versus live heavy Reconnecting with your inner child + play Seeking inspiration in the mundane and The Alchemist Exercise + the healing power of nature Ignoring the urge to compare Listen now for when you're in a rut or have lost your spark! PREORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/755841/person-in-progress-by-jemma-sbeg/ Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg https://www.instagram.com/jemmasbeg/?hl=en# Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en# For business: [email protected] mailto:[email protected] The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:04Jemma Sbeg?

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• 0:49Jemma Sbeg?

  or even unlocking exclusive experiences, a Sky Miles membership fits into your lifestyle, letting you do more of what makes you, you. It's more than travel. It's the membership that flies, dines, streams, rides, and arrives with you. Because when you have a membership, that's as unique as you are. There's no telling where your journey will take you next. You know that feeling when your skin just needs a tall drink of water? That's what Clinique Moisture Surge One Hundred Hour Moisturizer is for. Moisture Surge One Hundred Hour Moisturizer absorbs instantly and hydrates for a hundred hours for plump, glowing skin. That's right, a hundred hours.

• 1:31Jemma Sbeg?

  It is a lightweight, oil-free gel cream, safe for sensitive skin. It's allergy-tested and fragrance-free. I use this all the time. It makes my skin feel so fresh and plump and glowy. Even under makeup, I still see an amazing difference. It never leaves my skin oily or tacky. Try Clinique Moisture Surge One Hundred Hour today at Clinique dot com. Feels like Moisture Surge.

• 2:00Jemma Sbeg?

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• 2:45Jemma Sbeg?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world, it is so great to have you here back for another episode. Today's episode, though, you may have already noticed, is a rerun. So over the next two weeks, I am putting out some of my best episodes from the last four years of almost non-stop podcasting. As I just take some time away to launch my debut book, Person in Progress: A Roadmap to the Psychology of Your Twenties. Do not fret, I will be back on the 29th of April. But I just wanted to give my book a little bit of extra love these next two weeks. Because it's a big deal and I'm not going to talk about it too much.

• 3:27Jemma Sbeg?

  I'm sure you're just here to listen to the podcast and probably sick of me talking about it. But I just want to say thank you. I want to say a huge thank you for allowing me to write this book and put it out in the world. This is only possible because of you all, because of you guys, the listeners. Literally, that's it. That's the only reason I'm able to do this. And I've wanted to be an author since I was five. 20 years later, you guys made that happen for me. So just thank you. Thank you so much. I would obviously love it if you could preorder it, buy it, gift it to a friend. But you've already done so much and I just feel honored to have had this opportunity. Most of all, I'm just really pumped for you guys to read it.

• 4:12Jemma Sbeg?

  I hope that you learn something. I'm sure if you love the podcast, you will love Person in Progress as well. But it's a really exciting time and The main feeling I have right now is one of gratitude. So, thank you so much. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy this rerun of one of my favorite all time episodes.

• 4:37Jemma Sbeg?

  Hello everybody and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties. The podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they mean for our psychology.

• 4:57Jemma Sbeg?

  Hello everybody, welcome back to the show, welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world. It is so great to have you here as always. Back for another episode as we dive into the psychology of our twenties. So, I wanna talk about something today that I have been struggling with recently. You know, I'm just gonna jump straight into the point. I don't know about you, but I have been really experiencing this strange sense of just dissatisfaction towards my life recently. A lingering kind of buzzing sense of exhaustion, an aimlessness, a kind of like a boredom

• 5:38Jemma Sbeg?

  when it comes to my interests, my future, my relationships, my health, my life in general. It's been really bothering me as someone who is very proactive. When it comes to just like actually enjoying my life, I like feeling excited about things. I like feeling optimistic about the future and that just hasn't seemed to be the case recently. And I've been really looking into what it might be. The biggest thing for me has been low energy, not being able to kind of show up in my friendships as I would like. I cannot tell you the number of plans. I have cancelled in the last three months and I've kind of just reached the conclusion

• 6:19Jemma Sbeg?

  that I have lost my spark a little bit. I've lost the buzz, the love, the thrill for life. And I don't think that I am the only one. You know, our twenties come with a lot of expectations that are hard to ignore. There is so much hype around these being like the best years of your life, filled with adventure and sleepless nights and random friendships and relationships and these warm, brilliant memories you'll get to look back on for years to come. And I think maybe this is what we would define as our spark, like an enthusiasm to go out and grab life and to be interested and interesting. Our spark is the thing that

• 7:03Jemma Sbeg?

  kind of keeps us passionate about showing up in the world and it keeps us passionate about who we are and the experiences that we're having. It's what makes us inspired and kind and engaged and motivated and present. But we can't be that all the time. You can't really be living in the golden bubble every minute of every day. There will come a time, as I guess I'm experiencing right now as we speak, where the energy and the excitement for life kind of dips. You become very detached from that person that you love, that person that you are at your core, and everything around you seems to lose a bit of color.

• 7:47Jemma Sbeg?

  You lose that kind of energy that you bring into conversations, that energy that you bring into your daily life. And for me, I've been really reflecting on this and I've been thinking about the person I was three or four years ago who just seemed so in love with life and really wondering where she's gone, whether I can get her back, but also whether I want her back or whether it's just a gen, you know, a general. Disconnection. So we're gonna talk about that today. I wanna talk about why we lose our spark, why it is such a common experience, the reasons behind that. It may be burnout, it may have been a breakup, but then also six tips for regaining that motivation and that love for life.

• 8:32Jemma Sbeg?

  Losing your spark could be for a number of reasons, but there are four main explanations that I think stand out to me, especially in our twenties. The first, the biggest one really is burnout. Pushing ourselves too hard for too long and ignoring the warning signs that we need rest and we need time to actually process our lives, our emotions and all the activity that is going on. We're seeing a lot of research that burnout is becoming a lot more common during this day and age, especially amongst people under the age of thirty. Now, I think the reason for this is twofold.

• 9:13Jemma Sbeg?

  Number one, we're obviously quite new to the workplace, but also new to life. We don't really know or aren't able to express our limits, our points of exhaustion. But secondly, I think it's because of this expectation to be doing everything, to be constantly and always aiming for more. You have to be focused at school or in your job whilst also having a lot of fulfilling friendships and then hobbies and a loving relationship and perfect physical and mental health whilst also being able to, you know, juggle your family and a side hustle and your own needs. If that feels impossible to you, you are not the only one.

• 9:55Jemma Sbeg?

  Each of us has an individual threshold for how much stress, activity, mental exhaustion that we can tolerate. And I think as we slowly reach that threshold, we start sacrificing elements of our wellbeing to keep up with what is expected of us and what we expect from ourselves. And that includes very tangible things like sleep, self-care, exercise, downtime, those are normally the first things to go when we're burnt out. And also more intangible things like mental rest, thinking time.

• 10:32Jemma Sbeg?

  A space for imagination and creativity. You need all of these things to keep your spark alive. It's hard to prioritize the things that make you excited for life, the small joys or even the energy for the big things. If you are struggling with prolonged, you know, prolonged exhaustion, prolonged fatigue, burnout from a lack of work-life balance, or kind of academic or personal overload. We are seeing so much of this recently and it also is demonstrating a lot of links to an increased vulnerability to illness, increased feelings of pessimism, inadequacy,

• 11:13Jemma Sbeg?

  none of which I think seem to go hand in hand with feeling like yourself or feeling like your spark is alive and alive. So the second factor that I think contributes to losing our spark is a lingering or pre-existent mental health disorder or challenge that may be getting out of control or becoming a little bit unmanageable, whether that is anxiety, depression, ADHD, some other condition. When it impacts our cognitions, our mood, our emotions, this condition is going to impact our so-called spark and most importantly, our way of relating to the world.

• 11:57Jemma Sbeg?

  So many factors impact this and sometimes there really isn't an explanation for why your mental health is suddenly not as good. But I don't think anyone really talks about how physically tiring it is to have to put a hundred percent of your energy into just convincing yourself to do even the smallest of tasks. I think maintaining your spark and all the activities that promote this part of you is a luxury when you're just trying to get by day by day. The third contributing factor I think is not spending enough time with your own thoughts or operating from a place of external validation. I think when we live for others.

• 12:38Jemma Sbeg?

  How are we really meant to pull from that internal source of meaning and passion and mission? How are we meant to feel like ourselves when we are engaging in extreme people pleasing? When we do feel unnecessarily guilty for other people's emotions or feelings? When we say yes when we really wanna say no, when we have no social boundaries, when we take on others' opinions or try and impress people at the expense of our own mental health? If our spark is cultivated from our own internal mental energy source, from being connected and attached and knowledgeable about who we are,

• 13:19Jemma Sbeg?

  when all of that time is devoted to thinking about others, that part of us becomes neglected. And the final factor, this one is a little bit different from what we've just spoken about, but it is the end of a relationship. I really do see that as a catalyst for losing a little bit of your passion and your, just your passion and your love for who you are and your love for life and the energy that you bring into literally just your daily activities. So, when we lose a relationship, whether that is with a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a really close friend, that creates a massive shift in us.

• 14:03Jemma Sbeg?

  It is a complete severance from part of ourselves that was connected to this other person. It would often, I would say, also trigger a really significant dip in self-esteem, feeling very lost because we attach so much of our identity to those we love. You know, they hold us up, they make us feel seen, they bear witness to our lives. But they can also, I think, cause us a lot of heartache and a lot of disruption when relationships like this end, often because there comes a moment of complacency. So I think when we are in a long-term relationship or we are in this long-term dependent friendship,

• 14:46Jemma Sbeg?

  sometimes we become very, it becomes very easy to just fall into only seeing them, to only hanging out with them, to sitting, watching TV with them, to not exploring other parts of you. So when that relationship suddenly ends, you kind of experience an emotional vacuum where you have.

• 15:06Jemma Sbeg?

  Incidentally, accidentally, involuntarily, given up parts of you for this relationship, for the ease of this relationship, and when you come out of it, you don't really know who you are. You don't really know what the future holds. You don't really know what it means to be you without them. And I think that is a huge catalyst, as I said, for feeling a sense of dislocation and disconnection from what makes you you and from your spark. It also just reveals so much about what we have perhaps been neglecting in our lives, the parts of ourselves that have become secondary behind the relationship.

• 15:48Jemma Sbeg?

  Maybe one of these explanations, one of these situations is calling to you. You can really see yourself in these examples. Maybe you just feel like there's just something missing. None of these really apply. There's just a genuine lack of, lack of a sense of effort to be put into your life. It doesn't really matter because I think that what is most important here is that right now you are having this experience that makes you feel like your life is less than optimal. And that there is something that you're missing out on and missing out of getting from your life. So I'm going to talk about six research-based tips to get your spark back,

• 16:29Jemma Sbeg?

  starting with the most simple, but the most important after this short break.

• 16:40Jemma Sbeg?

  There's this moment in your twenties where you realise, oh, no one is double checking my finances for me anymore. It's just me, my bank account and a growing list of, wait, I forgot I subscribed to that. And honestly, that can feel overwhelming. So you could look into Bank of America Advantage Safe Balance Banking. It's perfect for this stage of life where you're figuring things out as you go. There are no overdraft item fees, and if you are under 25, there's no monthly maintenance fee, which just makes it easier to stay on track. What stands out is that it doesn't try to overcomplicate things. Not about being perfect with money. It's about having a system that helps you feel a little more in control.

• 17:22Jemma Sbeg?

  What's more with safe balance banking, you could enroll in B of A rewards and enjoy cash back deals plus fraud and identity monitoring. If you are in that phase of I'm trying to get my life together financially. Bank of America Advantage Safe Balance Banking is a really solid place to start. Learn more at B of A dot com slash simple banking. Member FDIC. I've been approaching my health really differently this year. I used to be really focused on maximizing and doing more. And now I'm just realizing that if I listen to what my body needs, I perform way better. And that's why I am obsessed with my whoop. Truly, you guys, you know, I'm such a data and information driven person.

• 18:06Jemma Sbeg?

  And I love opening my whoop app and seeing how my sleep, my stress, my strain is correlating with my mood, with my running performance, with how I'm just feeling day to day. I'm not an elite athlete by any means, but I do really benefit. And I also just really enjoy knowing more about my body. And whoop also gives me these actionable personalized insights that have made me more intentional and meant that I make smarter decisions day to day about what I need, rather than just putting my foot on the gas and just going, going, going, going. New members can try whoop with a 30 day free trial before committing to a membership. That's join dot whoop dot com slash psychology for your free month of whoop.

• 18:51Jemma Sbeg?

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• 19:28Jemma Sbeg?

  You need to replenish your body and your mind before you can start building back your interest in life. That is why the biggest thing for getting your spark back is prioritizing rest. It sounds so simple, but we really don't acknowledge how much of a difference a good night's sleep or a week off can be for resetting our body, especially when this becomes a practice of scheduling time to do nothing, of scheduling time to just relax in your body, in your mind and be present. When you've pushed yourself to this cliff edge of complete exhaustion, you reach a point of internal disharmony whereby your body will literally start to

• 20:08Jemma Sbeg?

  shut down due to ongoing chronic stress. That doesn't sound optimal and it certainly doesn't help with getting your spark back. Sometimes we think that we need to be doing more to be more, but it's actually quite the opposite. The people who know themselves the best and get the most out of life are those who realise the value in giving their brain and their body, even their soul, time to replenish. If you've lost your spark, you need to start by reintroducing rest back into your life. And this includes by doing things like taking your sick days when you need them without feeling like you need to justify it. Being okay with saying no to plans

• 20:52Jemma Sbeg?

  to just chill at home. Giving yourself a day every now and again to just do nothing. It's those slow moments that our brain finally gets to switch off and you'll really be surprised about how much comes up for you. How many ideas, plans for the future, helpful thoughts arise because you finally have space to hold them and space to process them. I really do understand that it's actually quite hard to do that and accept that we need to slow down. We feel a lot of guilt towards rest because of the societal association with laziness. If you are not pushing yourself 100% of the time, if you don't want to do it all, it's because you just lack discipline.

• 21:37Jemma Sbeg?

  It's because you're just lazy, rather than actually listening to your body and recognizing that this is actually more efficient. I think these attitudes are especially pervasive if you're an overachiever, or if you put a lot of worth into your external achievements. Resetting your attitude towards rest kind of means unlearning everything that brings you a sense of personal fulfillment or satisfaction, like your achievements, like being somebody who can push themselves, being somebody who enjoys the urgency of exhaustion. That is just not sustainable, though. And it causes you to neglect the parts of you that you need for, that your future self really needs.

• 22:23Jemma Sbeg?

  You know, it needs you to stay strong and to stay healthy. Your soul, your sense of self, needs you to actually stop and pause and focus on who you are and what you're getting out of life. I think rest also just really increases our capacity for self-awareness. It improves our empathy. It improves our ability to imagine the future. So I think that it gives us a real creative and perspective vision for who we are and what we want, and in turn, really gives us our life back. So my second tip for getting your spark back is to shift from a passive agent to an active agent in your life. So often, the reason we lose our spark is because we settle into living

• 23:08Jemma Sbeg?

  as though we are on autopilot. I want you to pause and think whether that's you. Things happen to us. Life happens to us. We just kind of accept that that's the way it is. We aren't doing much steering when it comes to our decisions, to what might make us happier, to avoiding or changing circumstances that are depleting us. And it is a lot easier to live life this way. It's really tiring to have to wake up each moment and live with the fact that you are creating your reality, that you are creating your future. You are in control, you have agency. Because that kind of awareness of your responsibility.

• 23:49Jemma Sbeg?

  Is naturally more effort, right? It takes a lot more from you. But I honestly believe that that expenditure of effort pays off in its thousands and becomes easier, becomes less taxing when we adjust to a way of living that actually gives us what we want in the long term, rather than like the instant gratifications, more pleasures in the short term. It's so much more exhausting living every day at sixty percent and dragging the other forty percent behind you than at a hundred percent and seeing yourself really have purpose and passion come back into your life, getting your spark back. Now, this isn't to say that you should be working harder, doing more, a hundred percent effort, a hundred percent energy all the time, right?

• 24:35Jemma Sbeg?

  Because I think that is a contribution to pure exhaustion, which we know is a contributor to burnout. Rather, it's about choosing to live light versus live heavy. When we live heavy, we kind of borrow effort and time from our future selves. I'm going to explain this a little bit more. When you don't make active choices about what's going to make your life better, whether that is choosing to fuel your body in a way that feels good, choosing to rest when you need, choosing to turn off your screen before bed, even though you want to scroll for a few more minutes, choosing to keep good company, you transfer all of those decisions into your future as consequences.

• 25:18Jemma Sbeg?

  In the short term, you've got to live light because you made the easiest decision to stay in bed rather than work out or see friends, to spend that extra thirty minutes on your phone in bed, rather than reading a book, to sacrifice your sleep, to put things off when they would seriously only take about five minutes. You're stealing joy from your future self and contributing to exhaustion by taking what seems like the easier route, but in the long term is the harder route. I think good practices for filling life habits are tiring, but they do actually give you a sense of control over your life and give you a sense that you actually get to do the things you want to do and create a life you want to live and actually create meaning within that life.

• 26:01Jemma Sbeg?

  Meaning that when you show up every single day, when you wake up, You have the energy in the space to be yourself, to show love to yourself, to get your spark back by actively engaging in decisions that are all devoted to bettering you and to making your life easier. I think at the end of the day, what this shift from passive to active entails is noticing the things that deplete your energy versus create energy for you. Things that unsettle you versus comfort you, things that make you fatigued, make you tired, make you sad versus things that make you energized and excited and joyful. That's the first step. I think the second step is like really consciously choosing

• 26:43Jemma Sbeg?

  the alternative to those energy takers in your life. You typically, I think, see a difficulty curve occur here. For example, if your big thing for making your life easier or living life is choosing to do a creative project before bed rather than just mindlessly watch TV. It's always going to be hard at the beginning because I think that we become very adjusted and very comfortable in what is familiar and what is easy. And any shift or change to that kind of life structure, life routine, um, is going to disrupt that norm.

• 27:24Jemma Sbeg?

  But over time, as you adjust, you'll see that it becomes a lot more kind of habitual and automatic to do the thing that is best for you and to do the thing that helps you get your spark back, that do the thing that really involves showing yourself a lot of radical self compassion by not giving in to your immediate wants, but focusing on your long-term wellbeing. My next tip is perhaps my favorite, and this involves getting back to that place of passion, interest and joy in life by creating excitement in the mundane. The biggest thing that gets me back in touch with my true self time and time again is looking for joy rather than looking for things to complain about.

• 28:07Jemma Sbeg?

  Actively searching for things that make me happy and elated or surprised or grateful to be human rather than always buying Into my negativity bias. And I do this by connecting with my inner child and getting back to a place of childhood wonder and curiosity. Your inner child is the most alive version of you there is, the least uninhibited, the most excited. And I think it's one of the saddest things about getting older is finding that everything becomes a lot more grey. That there is a certain glimmer that we lose that feels like we can't get back. But I think that we can, we can rea- we can achieve that sense of wonder that we had when we were younger.

• 28:53Jemma Sbeg?

  By looking for things to be amazed about rather than things to be disappointed over. You know, the leaves changing colour, the cat you see every day on your walk to work. Eating a really tasty pastry or a tasty piece of fruit. Smiling at a stranger, having them smile back, like your favourite artist. Playing over the radio at the supermarket, a cool bug on a tree. Singing along to like the opening track of your favourite TV show. Joy really is everywhere. And it's a strange feeling because it's one of the few emotions that when you search for it. You'll notice that it wants you to find it, right? Like, if you look for happiness, you can't always find it. But if you look for joy, you most certainly will.

• 29:39Jemma Sbeg?

  As you kind of train yourself to look for awe and to discover joy. You also begin to notice that your thoughts and cognitions begin to transform and become more positive. And you slowly get that glow and appreciation for life back. Another part of getting in touch with your inner child is allowing yourself to be playful. Play is honestly so much fun. That's like the whole point, right? To just be free of everything else that's hanging over you and to get into your body, to get into your joy, to get into the moment. And studies have really shown that play in adulthood lets us act in a way that is unstructured and creative and it reduces stress levels.

• 30:21Jemma Sbeg?

  It increases creativity, of course, along with the number of neural connections we have in our brain. Because we engage in different kinds of activities that use different parts of our brain that normally don't talk to each other. Anything you do recreationally that brings you joy or excitement counts as play. You know, it could be a video game, it could be playing sport, especially if it's social sport. Could be writing little poems in your spare time, painting, I don't know, trampolining. Literally going on the public swing at like your local park, going for a swim at the beach.

• 31:01Jemma Sbeg?

  That is play and it once again is an avenue for joy to enter your life. And to keep you feeling like wonderful and curious and engaged in your environment. And your surroundings rather than kind of stuck behind like a glass wall of negativity. Feeling like you're watching your life go by and you're not able to reach out and touch it. I think reconnecting with that childlike version of you is a wonderful diversion from all the stresses and responsibilities that do keep us disconnected. Because it lets us slip back into a perspective that is so uninhibited, that is so carefree, that is so just like energized for life.

• 31:43Jemma Sbeg?

  I really, really implore you to try it, even if you feel embarrassed or you feel cringe. It's not about what other people think, it's about what's going to leave you feeling your best. I think the main thing here is that getting your spark back after it's been dulled isn't all internal. It's also about the external environment you create for yourself. I think partially what losing your love and energy for life comes down to is a lack of inspiration, is feeling stuck in the norm. And not having new thoughts, not having new beliefs, not experiencing new sensations, new interests. I think you just become very much numb and shut down.

• 32:26Jemma Sbeg?

  When life starts to feel plain and colorless, that is an invitation for you to add some color back in by keeping yourself inspired. And I love doing this by consuming content, media, books, articles, music. Anything that gets your brain working and thinking and firing differently.

• 32:49Jemma Sbeg?

  Start your morning off, you know, with a TED Talk instead of social media, with five minutes of meditation instead of doom scrolling, with energetic music, have like a wild dance in your bathroom in the morning. Make that part of your routine. Listen to podcasts like this one or subscribe to like a news site like the New York Times or the Atlantic. That is five dollars a month for priceless access to a world that feels a lot more expansive than your day to day life. To hearing about what everyone's doing across the globe. I also want to recommend a book here that I think is invaluable. When you're feeling like you're in a bit of a sparkless rut. The book is called The Alchemist.

• 33:31Jemma Sbeg?

  I'm sure a lot of you have heard about this before. It is so widely read and known for good reason. Because even if you're not like a big reader, this novel offers such a simple, digestible, inspiring kind of folk story about getting more out of your life, about getting more out of your dreams, out of yourself. And refocusing on your purpose, on your drive. I think that's something that we lose as life gets harder, as we get older, we get stuck in our routines. And of course, we lose our spark. So I read this book in like one or two sittings a few years back.

• 34:13Jemma Sbeg?

  And I just started rereading it and it's incredibly eye opening. Even if you've read it before, honestly, read it again because the message I think becomes different. The older you get, you interpret it differently. And I think it's really valuable to seek inspiration from other people's ideas and their articulation of their mission and their, and kind of how they see the world, whether that is the same or different to your own. At least it challenges you to think about your life differently. In fact, I think obviously, you know, reading a book is not a huge task. Expanding the media you consume is minor. Listening to TED Talks is pretty easy. Seeing joy in your life is not that hard. You really only need to pick out like three things a day.

• 34:59Jemma Sbeg?

  And I really think that all of these things, the reason why they're so powerful is because time and time again, they make you actually engage with what's around you. They make you engage with your thoughts, with your life, rather than sitting in the passenger seat. If you've lost your spark, I would really encourage you to reflect on whether the life you're currently living actually provides you with an opportunity to be in touch with life, to be alive. Routine is really great for creating structure and bringing order and productivity into our lives, but that is not what life is. Life is what happens around that.

• 35:41Jemma Sbeg?

  Life is what is spontaneous and thrilling and what gives you new stories and new feelings and new energy. So I would also say break out of the monotony by really challenging yourself to do one new thing this week, one new thing every week, even if that's alone. A new gym class, a new part of the city to explore, a new dish that you're gonna cook for yourself. New things are good for our emotional health because it actually really opens up our mind, I think, to the possibility of more. Like, they've done research on this and the happiest people are those who really expose

• 36:20Jemma Sbeg?

  themselves to new things, who challenge the norm, who challenge their brains to think about things differently, because novelty also introduces excitement. There was a really great article by Psychology Today that puts it like this. When we try something new, this actually opens up the possibility for you to enjoy something new. There have been entire careers, entire life paths carved out by people dipping their baby toes into small ponds and suddenly discovering a love for something they had no idea would capture their imaginations.

• 37:01Jemma Sbeg?

  It forces you to grow, it forces you to choose to live life by kind of living heavy. And I think that you just bear witness to the parts of your identity that. Are allowed to kind of flourish in those moments where life isn't like easy. Life isn't familiar. The moment that you're in, you might not be comfortable, but it's there that your spark really returns because you have to rely on yourself and you have to really pull from this pool of just innate joy and energy and capability. I think it's a better way to put it. All right, I have two final tips for you and we're gonna keep them short and sweet.

• 37:43Jemma Sbeg?

  The first is to be practicing some form of movement every day. Now, this is not movement to lose weight. It's not movement to get fitter. It's not for a beauty standard, but it's because of what it will do for your brain. Now, I really despise when people say that exercise is some like magical cure for mental health problems. That's literally bullshit, but we are seeing research that shows how protective physical activity is for these kinds of ruts or periods of depletion we might find ourselves in. There's actually a really special research project that was conducted in Australia by the University of Sydney, literally down the road from where I am right now.

• 38:25Jemma Sbeg?

  And it published findings that unstructured dance, so not dance for the purpose of exercise even for getting your heart rate up, literally just dancing around your living room, dancing around wherever you are, is actually one of the best things you can do for your brain and mental wellbeing. Besides that, exercise boosts mental energy. It boosts motivation. Those are two things that are really crucial for getting our spark back. I think it's especially impactful and special if you find time to move in nature. There is a whole field of research called eco psychology that talks about how spending time outdoors

• 39:07Jemma Sbeg?

  promotes how we feel about ourselves and our lives and the attitudes we bring into our day to day. You probably already know this without me needing to tell you. You know, just think about how good you feel after you take a swim in the ocean. Have you ever felt bad after a swim in the ocean? After a hike? After you walked by the creek near your house? That's where humans are meant to be. So it's no law, you know, no wonder that we're losing our vibrancy and our spark and our love for life when we are living in a world that is focused on keeping us inside. I think nature provides a lot of healing in that sense for reconnecting ourselves

• 39:48Jemma Sbeg?

  with what it truly means to be human, what it truly means to be alive in our bodies, how capable our bodies are, how much feeling our bodies can hold. That spark, that is spark right there, embracing what makes us wild, embracing the beauty of the outdoors, the beauty of what comes from that and kind of watching how you're, I don't know, it just instantly fills up your cup and it keeps it full for days, even weeks after. A final tip, I think, try to spend less time thinking about what others have that you don't. And think about everything that is wonderful about your life and what you have. What are your own secret gardens?

• 40:30Jemma Sbeg?

  I speak about this a lot, but this is a concept I came up with while back that essentially says, each of us has this like secret part of who we are locked in the back of our mind that I call our secret garden. And our secret garden is filled with the things that are special, unique, vulnerable, entirely ours. It could be, you know, the little hu- the little hobby that you haven't told anybody about. The little passion project that is just yours. Your deep dives on Wikipedia, the poetry you write in your notes app. The fact that you still love music from the early two thousands, the fact that actually

• 41:09Jemma Sbeg?

  you're a really good singer, you just don't sing in front of other people, that you can make was like a really good lasagna or a really good birthday cake. Those are parts of your secret garden. They are what makes us special, what makes us happy. And we need to spend time in that garden. We need to water it, we need to share its kind of bounty with others. And you'll notice how much more alive and connected you feel when you spend less time looking over the fence at someone else's life and more time really like appreciating what you have and also just seeking to elevate that. Seeking to be grateful, but also seeking to build it even further, not for somebody else.

• 41:54Jemma Sbeg?

  Not so that they think you're accomplished or cool or whatever it is, but because you actually want. Amazing things to come your way. You want a life that you feel happy with. You want your spark back. Like, that's the entire point of this episode. You wanna feel like there is a fire that you have in your stomach for life. So I wanna finish off by saying, I'm really glad that you are here. If you're feeling this way, I feel you. I know this rut feels like it will last a lifetime. Like, you'll never be that kind of fun person you were three, four, five years ago. And you know what? You probably won't be that person again, but you are discovering and building somebody better.

• 42:36Jemma Sbeg?

  You will feel excited by life again. You will fall back in love with yourself again. I just think that it requires a bit of a holistic change. It's really normal, I think, for us to find ourselves at this point of just like shallowness and hollowness and emptiness. That's kind of part of the journey, right? It's about rebuilding the things that we have perhaps been neglecting. It's about being kind of exhilarated by the mundane. It's about creating habits for your life that is gonna mean that you'll still feel vibrant and alive, even if you're behind a desk, working nine to five for the rest of your life. Even if you're stressed, even if you're overwhelmed, there is so much more to life than commitment.

• 43:22Jemma Sbeg?

  So much more to life than responsibility, than what other people think, than what you even think. There's a lot of beauty hiding in, I think, the everyday and hiding in our commitment and the love that we show ourselves that really sets us alight, that really sparks a fire in our belly to wanna live successfully and beautifully and filled with joy. So I just really hope that you enjoyed this episode. I really hope that you got something out of it. I really hope that you are like on your path to getting your spark back. Whether you've lost it because of a breakup, because you've been burnt out, because of whatever it is.

• 44:02Jemma Sbeg?

  You'll find your way back and I hope that this will help you do that. If you enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave us a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now. I actually really enjoyed this. I'm going to be applying some of these strategies. Obviously, I already do, but I'm really trying to bring more of this into my life. I feel like I've lost my own way a little bit. Happens to the best of us. Make sure that you are following us on Instagram at that psychology podcast or at Gemma Speck if you want to see more behind the scenes content, see what's coming out. We actually have something really special coming out in the next month. So if you've made it this far, I guess you're the first to know. I'm not going to tell you exactly

• 44:47Jemma Sbeg?

  what it is, but keep your eyes peeled because yeah, I'm really excited about it and I hope you are too. We will of course be back for another episode next week. Until then, be gentle with yourself, be kind to yourself and stay safe.

• 45:09Jemma Sbeg?

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• 45:50Jemma Sbeg?

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• 46:31Jemma Sbeg?

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• 47:08Jemma Sbeg?

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• 47:44Speaker 00

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