"Jelly Roll"

Mama didn’t raise no fool this week, folks; it’s Jelly Roll. Incarceration, the need to write music, and the Nobody Cries Alone Policy. Put on your shower-shoes and go for the heat package… it’s an all-new SmartLess.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Sean Hayes?

  This episode of Smartless is sponsored by Google Book. So the other day, I wanted to make invitations for my dog Ricky's birthday party. And I've got three things open on my laptop. An adorable photo of Ricky, a picture of a birthday cake, and the RSVP details. Thing is, as much as I look like one, I'm not a canine birthday party invitation designer. That's where Google Book comes in. It's a whole new kind of laptop with a feature called Magic Pointer. I just click the photos and different elements on my screen and boom. Magic Pointer designs a customized birthday party invitation for Ricky. Click anything on your screen to create whatever you want. Visit googlebook.com. Available to 18-plus users.

• 0:44Sean Hayes?

  Compatibility and availability vary.

• 0:49Jason Bateman?

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• 1:29Sean Hayes?

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• 2:06Sean Hayes?

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• 2:59Sean Hayes?

  Hey, guys, do you mind if I count down my cold open? Do you ready? Three, two, one.

• 3:04Jason Bateman?

  Let's have the one be silent so that we don't hear it on the recording.

• 3:07Will Arnett?

  Yeah, yeah, so hang on, hang on, hang on. Wait, wait, let's be, let's be, so you're gonna go three, two, one, welcome to Smartless or whatever, but you're gonna say the one or the one's silent?

• 3:14Sean Hayes?

  No, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna, the one's gonna be silent.

• 3:16Will Arnett?

  Could you start at five? Just to give me more, uh, yeah.

• 3:19Sean Hayes?

  Ready? New Smartless episode in five, four, three, two.

• 3:26Sean Hayes?

  Hey, guys, what's going on?

• 3:27Will Arnett?

  No, welcome to Smartless is what you say.

• 3:29Sean Hayes?

  Welcome to Smartless, welcome to Smartless.

• 3:48Sean Hayes?

  Jay, why, why the layers?

• 3:50Jason Bateman?

  Uh, it's just freezing.

• 3:54Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 3:54Will Arnett?

  Is it?

• 3:55Jason Bateman?

  Here, yes.

• 3:57Sean Hayes?

  It is really cold, but don't you have heat? You can put the heat on a little bit?

• 4:00Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 4:01Will Arnett?

  Did you end up going for the heat package at your house?

• 4:04Jason Bateman?

  I live with someone doesn't enjoy the heat package. So, um, how is it nice and warm over there at your place, Shawnee?

• 4:14Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, we put the heat on in the morning.

• 4:16Jason Bateman?

  You don't sleep with it on?

• 4:18Sean Hayes?

  God, no, couldn't sleep with it on. You gotta put the fan on. I sleep with a fan.

• 4:22Will Arnett?

  You just pick a different fan every night? You just go find somebody looking for a big fan to sleep?

• 4:28Jason Bateman?

  And, uh, well, it's pretty cold in New York, is it not?

• 4:31Will Arnett?

  It's been real chilly, but I love it.

• 4:34Jason Bateman?

  You're in a t-shirt, though, so you're using the heat over there as well?

• 4:37Will Arnett?

  Well, yeah, the heat's on. It's quite, yeah, it's quite hot, but, um, but I also don't, you know, I just came from, uh, the gym, so I'm running a little hot right now.

• 4:49Jason Bateman?

  Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. So you're still in your juices right now?

• 4:52Will Arnett?

  Well, I mean, I showered and stuff, but you know, you've got that thing like your core. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:57Sean Hayes?

  Your pa- well, you get the shower, you ever get the shower sweats? Where you take a shower and then you're hotter after you get out of the shower?

• 5:02Will Arnett?

  But I do, I do, I've been doing ice cold showers for a couple of minutes after.

• 5:08Jason Bateman?

  I can't do it. Can't do it. It's not fun. So wait, wait, wait. So you, you, you, will you walk into a really cold shower?

• 5:15Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 5:16Jason Bateman?

  Or do you get it cold while you're in it?

• 5:18Will Arnett?

  I mix it up. I do both. Uh, today I did just cold. And, uh, so I worked out and I did cold and then I walked home and it's nice when you come out of the gym and you've, it's been cold and it's cold outside.

• 5:29Jason Bateman?

  Hold it. You showered at the gym?

• 5:32Will Arnett?

  I did, yeah.

• 5:33Jason Bateman?

  Did you wear shower shoes?

• 5:36Will Arnett?

  You know, I was thinking about this today.

• 5:38Jason Bateman?

  Shower shoes?

• 5:39Will Arnett?

  I, I, I'm gonna, I'm gonna answer your question, but I've been thinking about it a little bit because I brought this up earlier, like when we were, when we were on vacation at, over New Year's and you washed your hands and I was like, did everybody, remember I said, did everybody else die? Did everybody else get a really deep sickness? No. And then I thought about your obsession the other day. You were talking about your colon and stuff and

• 6:01Sean Hayes?

  Well, and slippers in hotel rooms.

• 6:03Will Arnett?

  Listen, he goes, he's going, yeah.

• 6:06Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, my bamboo shoot clean colon.

• 6:09Will Arnett?

  Yeah, and you know, it occurs to me that everything you're doing is kind of in vain. It doesn't matter. There's no difference. Your experience is not different.

• 6:19Jason Bateman?

  It's total crazy town.

• 6:20Will Arnett?

  Yeah, it's crazy town. So in your obsession with people walking in showers, hotel rooms with no shoes on, all that kind of stuff, I mean, the truth-

• 6:32Jason Bateman?

  It's completely unnecessary, but I do, but all I know is that I am that, that, I am that percentage more clean than the dirty girdies that are walking around and grabbing a bunch of-

• 6:45Will Arnett?

  But I guess, I guess what I'm saying is, what is it getting you?

• 6:48Jason Bateman?

  It's just, it, no, it's just a, it's sort of a psychosomatic thing. It's just like, I feel like I enjoy eating the bread out of the breadbasket, knowing that my, my, my utensil, which is my fingers, right? It's, here's the equivalent. The equivalent is if you had a fork that you were about to eat your yummy little fucking Carbo with cheese and sauce and shit all over it, pasta dish, if you dropped that fork on the restaurant floor, rubbed it around on the floor, then picked it up, then scooped your pasta, you'd be like, oh, this feels a little gross going into my mouth. So that's all it is.

• 7:21Sean Hayes?

  I get it, I get it. You know what? And it's rubbed off on me because I was just in Chicago this last weekend. And I went to, and in the hotel I stayed at-

• 7:27Will Arnett?

  Flex much?

• 7:30Sean Hayes?

  Chicago. And I brought- Stop screaming.

• 7:34Will Arnett?

  Jesus, we get it. You're from Glen Ellyn, Illinois.

• 7:37Sean Hayes?

  And I brought, I brought slippers, Jason, because, and I used them in the hotel room because I did, I took, I took my shoes off and I was like, I'm walking in other people's feet stuff.

• 7:48Jason Bateman?

  And then when you climbed into that clean bed and you pushed your feet to the bottom of that tight little cloth envelope at the bottom, you don't have a bunch of dust and grit and grime falling off and-

• 7:58Will Arnett?

  Cloth envelope. You have the grossest terminologies.

• 8:01Jason Bateman?

  How's your cloth envelope?

• 8:02Will Arnett?

  When you, I, here's what I, here's what I suspect. Here's what I suspect.

• 8:07Jason Bateman?

  Tuck your nards into the cloth envelope.

• 8:11Will Arnett?

  Jesus.

• 8:13Sean Hayes?

  Your nards.

• 8:14Will Arnett?

  Here's what I suspect. When it's all said and done, when you are on your deathbed and somebody's

• 8:19Jason Bateman?

  In my clean coffin.

• 8:23Sean Hayes?

  With slippers on your feet.

• 8:25Jason Bateman?

  You bet.

• 8:26Will Arnett?

  What a fucking, the amount of time and energy you've spent thinking and acting on this is is so much, is valuable time on earth that you've wasted.

• 8:36Jason Bateman?

  Let me tell you something. In my open casket, if you put your dirty fucking hands on my face, when you, when you cry and say goodbye to me for one last time, if those hands aren't clean.

• 8:47Will Arnett?

  Oh, I'm gonna go and walk, walk in a hotel room with bare feet and then I'm gonna get in your coffin.

• 8:51Jason Bateman?

  And put your clammy foot on my cheek, on my cold dead cheek.

• 8:55Will Arnett?

  My hotel feet. And make your kids watch me do it. Here's the other thing. I fucking, I, Sean, Sean, years ago we were doing a rest-

• 9:05Sean Hayes?

  Your hotel feet?

• 9:07Will Arnett?

  My hotel feet. Years ago we were doing Arrested Development. I had to do this whole bit where I, maybe I mentioned it before, I had to put a pill in Jason's mouth. And he was so all over me about cleaning my hands before I touched his.

• 9:20Jason Bateman?

  I think I had a bottle of spray sanitizer in my pocket.

• 9:23Will Arnett?

  And then they'd be rolling and they'd be rolling and I'm like, I didn't wash my hands. And then we'd start and he's like fucking freaking out.

• 9:30Jason Bateman?

  Fortunately, my character had to be not into it too, so I just used it.

• 9:33Sean Hayes?

  I kinda get it though. I kinda get it.

• 9:35Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 9:36Will Arnett?

  I know. Oh.

• 9:39Will Arnett?

  Talk to the audience a little bit about what's going on, Sean.

• 9:42Sean Hayes?

  I just blew my nose. All this talk made my nose run.

• 9:44Jason Bateman?

  It's another thing. You drink milk and you blow your nose. I, I don't think I've blowed my nose since I was 12.

• 9:49Sean Hayes?

  Well, what do you do?

• 9:50Will Arnett?

  Wait a second. Wait a second.

• 9:51Sean Hayes?

  What do you mean?

• 9:52Will Arnett?

  That's such a bonkers statement.

• 9:54Jason Bateman?

  Just snork it in the shower and get on with it.

• 9:56Sean Hayes?

  Ew, all day. What if you have to blow your nose in the middle of the day?

• 9:59Jason Bateman?

  Who's got runny, who's got a runny nose all day, granddad?

• 10:03Will Arnett?

  Wait a second. Wait a second.

• 10:05Sean Hayes?

  You have a cloth, Kleenex in your jacket. I'm gonna save all these and put them in your coffin.

• 10:09Will Arnett?

  Can I just say, and I just wanna say this, and I'm gonna put it in terms that Sean can understand. Hashtag relatable, Jason. You fucking, so you don't blow your nose, you don't walk with your feet. Do you understand how?

• 10:21Jason Bateman?

  And I'm wearing a cashmere robe right now.

• 10:23Will Arnett?

  And you're wearing a cashmere robe? Nobody can relate to you.

• 10:26Jason Bateman?

  And my nards are in a hot cloth pocket.

• 10:28Will Arnett?

  Nobody can relate to you at all. Jason, what's your monthly cable bill?

• 10:34Jason Bateman?

  Ooh, 250, probably?

• 10:36Will Arnett?

  Probably, you don't know.

• 10:37Jason Bateman?

  Kills me, kills me every time. I wanna cut the cord. I hope we have a guest that can talk me through cutting the cord.

• 10:44Will Arnett?

  No, I tell you what we do have.

• 10:45Jason Bateman?

  Text specialist?

• 10:46Will Arnett?

  We don't have a text specialist, although I don't know if, that I don't know.

• 10:49Jason Bateman?

  Well, we're gonna find out.

• 10:50Will Arnett?

  I know some stuff about him, and I know some stuff about him that a lot of other people know about him. Because people know this guy. Because he is a multi-multi Grammy nominated singer or performer.

• 11:03Jason Bateman?

  Don't close your eyes when you say that.

• 11:05Will Arnett?

  I have to, because I'm leaning into it. This guy has been at the top, he's been a number one on, like, virtually every Billboard chart. Whether it's the all-genre chart, break, breakout, you know.

• 11:17Jason Bateman?

  Jason Momoa.

• 11:18Will Arnett?

  Best country song, no, best country song performance. He has addressed issues like.

• 11:24Jason Bateman?

  Kenny Chesney.

• 11:24Will Arnett?

  Mental health issues through his music. He's also testified before Congress to advocate for stricter rules on fentanyl and drugs. He's been such an unbelievable voice of reason in crazy times.

• 11:38Jason Bateman?

  Elton John.

• 11:38Will Arnett?

  He's just an unbelievable talent. And we met him because we introduced him at a concert out on Long Island in our show. You guys, it's nobody other than Jelly Roll.

• 11:47Jason Bateman?

  Got it, I got it.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  I tell you what, I realize where I fall in the hierarchy of country music with Jay against everybody but me.

• 11:58Jason Bateman?

  You're talking to a real.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  Kenny Chesney.

• 12:00Jason Bateman?

  I'm a dumb-dumb. I just saw an article, Kenny Chesney's doing something at the Sphere or something like that. I just saw that article, top of mind.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  I don't wanna jump back on a train y'all already got off of, but I would like to share an experience with shower shoes for a second.

• 12:13Jason Bateman?

  Please, go ahead, please. Didn't even know they existed, by the way.

• 12:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, listen, the fun part is, I'm gonna tell you where they exist for a different rule. When you are incarcerated.

• 12:22Jason Bateman?

  Yep, okay.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  Which I've had the unfortunate experience of.

• 12:25Jason Bateman?

  Well, we're gonna get into that.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, you have to wear shoes in the shower in case somebody tries to do something to you while you're in the shower.

• 12:33Sean Hayes?

  Wait, so you can run?

• 12:34Jason Bateman?

  No.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  No, no, so you could fight, so you could, so you could, so you don't slip. You don't want to slip barefooted, so you want to put your shoes with the rubber.

• 12:40Jason Bateman?

  So you want to supply a nice firm base to whatever's going on in the shower?

• 12:44Speaker 03

  Absolutely, like, you don't leave your cell, if you're incarcerated, in a real, like, a violent facility, unless you have shoes on. Like, they give you flip flops, but like, you know, you walk to the shower in your shoes, and then you normally have a friend stand outside of the shower to make sure you're double safe.

• 13:01Jason Bateman?

  Really?

• 13:01Will Arnett?

  The only thing Jason's finding in the shower is the urge to put a finger in himself to put him over the top.

• 13:09Speaker 03

  And then sanitize it 30 times later and not eat for the rest of the day.

• 13:14Sean Hayes?

  By the way, you just described the reason why I don't wear shower shoes.

• 13:18Jason Bateman?

  All right, Jelly Roll, welcome to Smartless.

• 13:22Speaker 03

  It started the way I hoped it would.

• 13:23Jason Bateman?

  Now, are you, are you currently in a hotel room?

• 13:26Speaker 03

  I am, I'm currently in Los Angeles. It's, no, no, I just, I'm, I am barefoot.

• 13:31Jason Bateman?

  Are you barefoot?

• 13:32Speaker 03

  In here right now.

• 13:33Jason Bateman?

  Goodbye, Jelly Roll.

• 13:33Speaker 03

  No. I'm sorry. It never happens, but I didn't have, it's a long story, I didn't have my, I left my slides on.

• 13:40Will Arnett?

  Jelly Roll, before we get, now, you've just established you're in LA, and you're barefoot in the hotel room, and then you alluded to before, we want to get into about being incarcerated, and just, just a rough estimate, because obviously you can't know, how long do you think Bateman would last in prison? And, and, minutes is fine, if you just want to keep it to minutes?

• 14:00Speaker 03

  So, this is where we got to be honest, right? I'm an honest guy.

• 14:03Will Arnett?

  Yeah, of course.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  The Jason Bateman that we know right now would survive because he would be extorted. So, he would pay for protection, and he would be totally fine.

• 14:13Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 14:14Speaker 03

  Now, had, now, pre-Jason Bateman being Jason Bateman?

• 14:18Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 14:18Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  Maybe a day or two.

• 14:20Jason Bateman?

  Now, what, now, do you, do you find that, that, that weak, soft folks like me go in and immediately strike a bargain to be a friend, with air quotes, to somebody real tough? And so, then you're protected?

• 14:33Speaker 03

  That is traditionally how that works out.

• 14:37Jason Bateman?

  I'm willing to trade my virginity for so that I don't get my, you know.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  No, no, listen, they prefer money.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  Everybody's trying to appeal a case.

• 14:46Jason Bateman?

  But you're not walking in there with money. So how do you, how, how can you pay for security in a prison? If you're not walking in there with a wallet?

• 14:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's crazy. Well, back in the days when cash was a real thing, you just smuggle in cash like they did drugs. But now, as you could imagine, it's like, everybody's got cell phones in there. So they're like, hey, call your people and tell them cash at my people.

• 15:05Jason Bateman?

  Hang on, you can have a cell phone in prison?

• 15:07Sean Hayes?

  Cell phone in jail?

• 15:08Speaker 03

  You can't have one.

• 15:10Will Arnett?

  But they do.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  That's the catch. Now, they do have tablets. I haven't been locked up in a long time, so I've missed some of this, but they have tablets now from what? When I go visit jails, they always show me their tablets so they can email and correspond that way.

• 15:20Will Arnett?

  Wow, no kidding?

• 15:22Speaker 03

  But when I was in there, we were smuggling them in.

• 15:24Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, but I've always wondered that same thing. Like, you hear about like, in, in jail situations where, where the inmates can have, like, you just said like, cell phones, or they'll, they'll smuggle in drugs or certain foods. It's like, well, isn't anybody watching and like, the guards and stuff?

• 15:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, they, it's just.

• 15:40Jason Bateman?

  The guards are probably part of the process, right?

• 15:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, that's the big thing, right?

• 15:44Will Arnett?

  Here, here's the thing that, and I'm just going off this list that I just got. It just came in the list of stuff that JB would smuggle.

• 15:54Will Arnett?

  A cashmere robe, slippers, preferably Uggs, but just lined is fine. Also, almonds, am I saying that right?

• 16:04Jason Bateman?

  Can I also have a pair of socks so that the feet don't get too sweaty in the Uggs slippers?

• 16:07Will Arnett?

  Socks are fitting, Mary's crackers. Not too many, please, because, man, they're addictive.

• 16:13Jason Bateman?

  The blue ones, the blue ones. And no shiv, no shiv.

• 16:17Will Arnett?

  No shiv. Wait, I do want to, my last question on this is, and JB, you touched on it, how, how does that happen? Like, you, you, you kind of joked, you go in day one, you strike a bargain. I mean, I walk in there, I'm me, I'm a total pussy. I walk in and, and they're like, all right, you've got money. So do they reach out to me? How do I know who's the right guy to, to side with?

• 16:42Speaker 03

  First of all, it's, it's a lot of discernment. A lot of the wrong guys are gonna come first. I've seen a lot of guys pay the wrong guy for protecting.

• 16:49Jason Bateman?

  And how does that happen? They don't, they don't knock on the, on the, on the cell door? They wait until everyone's out for recess?

• 16:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, they'll care. Or they'll, or they'll come in your cell when the cell doors pop.

• 16:59Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 16:59Speaker 03

  But it's also not as extortionary as we all make it sound. It's like, it it truly depends on where like what your crime was, where you were. There's a lot of mitigating like real like outside of the jokes at jail. There's a lot of politics of like what actually why you're there.

• 17:14Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 17:15Speaker 03

  Traditionally, if you keep your mouth shut, you're okay in there.

• 17:18Will Arnett?

  Really?

• 17:18Sean Hayes?

  Do you mind if I ask and we we can cut it if you don't want to talk about it, but why you were in there?

• 17:22Speaker 03

  No, no, I appreciate you asking, Sean. I I want to talk about it because I think it's a really important part of my redemption. Is that, um, you know, I was, um, whenever I was a younger man, I had committed a series of crimes, one of which being a armed robbery case, which is the one that ended up really sending me to prison. But sadly, it's been everything from armed robbery to possession with intent to distribute. Um, I've just, I was a lot, I was a 10 year, 12 years in and out of the system kind of kid. Caught my first case when I was like 14 years old. From 14 to 25, I probably did almost that, almost that most of that decade incarcerated. Um, I call it the revolving doors that once you get in, you know?

• 18:04Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 18:05Speaker 03

  But I think it's important that, um, that I talk about it because it's it's a big thing. I want to give people hope and second chances. And also I never want to, um, act like I'm running from what I did or my my victim deserves better than for me to act like it didn't happen. You know what I mean? My victim, nobody else, my victim deserves better.

• 18:22Will Arnett?

  Yeah. And and you know, it's funny you talk about second chance. I love, I love your story. Uh, you're such a good guy and and truly and and I think that, you know, redemption, not enough of a premium is put on it in today's culture. Uh, certainly, uh, we hold people to a crazy standard of, uh, you know, uh, one strike and you're out now for for a lot less egregious crimes than armed robbery. You know, somebody might miss. I'm not talking about people who who really are saying things to injure people or or, you know, or carrying on in a way that's that's not, but certainly there are people who fuck up.

• 19:02Will Arnett?

  In the public eye, there are people who fuck who don't, who weren't in the public eye, but it becomes public because they did something at work or whatever. Again, I'm not referring to serious crimes. I'm talking about people who made a mistake that are kind of looked at by society as like, you know,

• 19:19Sean Hayes?

  It just doesn't pass, they don't like it, they disagree with it. And so they say, this person is out. And I think that it's a really dangerous idea because you, somebody like you, you're living proof of what can be done when somebody's given a second chance. It can bring a lot of good to the world. Do you agree with that?

• 19:40Speaker 03

  Oh dude, one, thank you, yeah. I mean, that's what I hope to represent more than anything, right? Is that, because I don't think I just stand for like criminal second chances. Like, I think I became a voice for like all second chances. Like, I'm a guy that proves that it's never too late to change. Like, when I was nominated for the Best New Artist at the Grammys last year, I was the second oldest artist ever nominated for Best New Artist in the history of the Grammys.

• 20:04Sean Hayes?

  Wow, wow.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  So it's not only did I turn my life around, I did it at an age where in our business, in the music business, people would tell me I was crazy for starting.

• 20:12Sean Hayes?

  Right, right.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? You ain't, you ain't, you ain't caught your teeth by it. Sometimes in the acting world, I've noticed that you have guys who will arc later in their career. You know, but like in the music business, they say that our best work's done between 22 and 27.

• 20:24Sean Hayes?

  Right, right.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  I didn't even start getting invited to award shows till I was 37. You know what I'm saying? I was 10 years past the music prime.

• 20:32Sean Hayes?

  You know, but what, but what was the, because when I, when we all first met you at what I'll call the Jelly Roll Howard Stern event, is when I first met you, and this might sound really corny, but I, you know, you see light in people, you see goodness, you see truth, you see all of those good things that make good people who they are. And the second I met you, you were so kind and outgoing and effusive and

• 20:59Jason Bateman?

  It's genuine, it's not learned.

• 21:01Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, it's totally genuine, and I felt it. And first of all, thank you for that, because being a gay person in the place that we all met, I was like, I turned to Will and Jason, like, these are the places that I would get the shit beat out of me, you know, 30 years ago. But, but so

• 21:15Jason Bateman?

  Where, East Hampton?

• 21:16Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, no, that kind of box. No, that kind of bar, you know, like the grungy bar.

• 21:23Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 21:23Sean Hayes?

  You know, but so I met you, you were so kind and so genuine. And so what was the thing that was your turning point? What was the thing that made you go, you know what? I can't do that stuff anymore. I have to open myself up. I have to be.

• 21:37Jason Bateman?

  Be the warm guy I am.

• 21:38Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 21:39Speaker 03

  Well, first of all, to a testament of what you just said is that just for the record, we would, we would have kicked somebody's ass for you in there.

• 21:45Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, no, thank you.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  It would have been a totally different experience 20, 30 years later with us.

• 21:52Speaker 03

  I think the kind of the real, the turning point for me, so to speak, or like what I thought really did it all for me, as cliche as it sounds, was I had my daughter when I was incarcerated.

• 22:03Sean Hayes?

  Oh, wow.

• 22:04Speaker 03

  And I don't know why, I do know why. I used to say, I don't know why, but it's obvious. I never, I, it was the most honest accountability and self-reflection moment of my life.

• 22:14Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that's great.

• 22:15Speaker 03

  You know, I had to really sit down and do an assessment of, I was fixing, I just got the news, a guard knocks on my door to tell me that my daughter was born. He doesn't know her name. He has no information.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  And I am just sitting there like, realizing I'm worth like, I know this sounds fun, it's jail terms, but in jail you get commissary, you know? And I had like maybe 20 ramen soups, 10 honey buns, a couple of packs of Skittles. Like I, this is what I had to my name.

• 22:43Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  I had the one pair of clothes that I was incarcerated in. I had zero money. In fact, I was in debt. I owed restitution to my victim. I owed the courts, you know what I mean? Like I'm in debt. I'm worth, and I, what the biggest thing I'm the most proud of in life is that I run the poker table and have like 30 soups. You know what I mean? Like that was my, and I was like, as a father, I should be proud of my daughter. You know what I mean? Like the thing I'm the most prideful about in my whole life is that I've got myself get to such a low point in life that I'm proud of having ramen noodle soups in prison. You know what I'm saying? I don't know why, Sean, but man, that just covered me, dude.

• 23:21Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I bet. I get it. I get it.

• 23:23Speaker 03

  It's funny.

• 23:24Will Arnett?

  It's funny watching, Jason, you must have just thinking about the sodium from those soups I saw.

• 23:28Sean Hayes?

  Exactly. I was like, yeah, it's like.

• 23:30Speaker 03

  Thousand milligrams of soup.

• 23:31Sean Hayes?

  Oh, it would take a week to burn that off.

• 23:37Jason Bateman?

  And we will be right back.

• 23:41Sean Hayes?

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• 24:24Sean Hayes?

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• 24:47Sean Hayes?

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• 25:28Sean Hayes?

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• 26:03Sean Hayes?

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• 26:44Sean Hayes?

  And now, back to the show.

• 26:47Sean Hayes?

  So she's out there, and you're in there, and you're thinking, "I gotta get out of here, and when I do get out of here, I gotta stay out of here." And so that was what started to turn off the, not the instinct to commit crime, but just like the, "Ah, I'm just gonna not have that be a part of what I do anymore." Yeah, so something clicks, right? Because I'll bet you, you didn't learn to be some great, nice, warm, loving human being in jail. You always were that. I would assume that the crime pattern was probably just a reflection of kinda who you were hanging out with, and that people you knew were doing the same thing, and you happened to get caught, and down this path you went.

• 27:32Sean Hayes?

  Yes?

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, and a lot of it, too, was financially driven. Like, where I lived at at the time, the only people that had money did crime.

• 27:41Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 27:42Speaker 03

  In my neighborhood, it was a real clear-cut thing. You either did drugs, or you sold drugs.

• 27:46Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, right.

• 27:47Speaker 03

  And even if you sold and did drugs, you were better off than the people that just did drugs. You know, and I know that sounds weird, but and I'm not trying to get into like a bunch of childhood stuff here, but my mother struggled with her own things from addictive stuff to mental health stuff. My father had alcohol things like it was a, I was in a house where it seemed very common like.

• 28:07Jason Bateman?

  Right. You weren't doing something weird.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, to me, this was what was happening. Yeah, like this was what was going on. It wasn't until later in life. And there's a famous quote in Alcoholics Anonymous that says, um, change happens when the pain to remain the same is greater than the pain it takes to change.

• 28:23Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  And that, yeah, that's cool, right? And that day in jail, I was like, I don't care how painful this change is, I'm gonna make this change. And man, it was, when I go back and speak at jails, the first time I went and spoke at a jail again, I'll never forget, I was leaving and I heard one guy whisper to another guy, he's like, all we gotta do is be rich and famous and all our problems are solved. So the next time I went and spoke, I forgot about, I never tell them the most important part of the story, was that the moment from coming home to jail and deciding I was gonna make the change, to seeing the fruits of the change was like a decade long process.

• 28:57Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 28:57Speaker 03

  Right. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't bear fruit from that change for 10 years. I was eating shit sandwiches. You know what I mean? And just trying to find my way and, uh, living in a van and doing $50 shows and just like, I was willing to sacrifice, yeah.

• 29:11Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, it's daily. When did you find singing? Did you start doing some of that in jail? Or were you doing some of that beforehand?

• 29:17Speaker 03

  I was rapping more in jail. That's how I kinda came up in hip hop. It was, um, more of the language of the neighborhood. But I would always sing the chorus. So like, Friday nights, we'd go down in the jail cell and we'd beat on the walls. And I don't know how loud this beat, but like, kinda how I'm beating on the table.

• 29:32Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, right.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  And, uh, I would go every Friday and I would tap on that window. And I would tap on it for like two measures. And before I dropped the first down bass note, you know, the beat? And by the time I got through tapping for those two measures, the entire unit, 230 inmates, come downstairs, Jelly's finna rap, Jelly's finna rap.

• 29:51Jason Bateman?

  Wow.

• 29:52Speaker 03

  And, uh, I would always, yeah, it was crazy, right? And I would sing the chorus. And it was like, There would be like, we'd be free. Like, it felt like we were free for the night. You know what I mean? Like, everybody's standing on tables. Ah, and then I'd, I'd write these, like, choruses. Like, "I'll be gone for a little while, but I can't wait to see your sexy smile." But I wasn't really singing. I was just, like, doing it like that.

• 30:14Will Arnett?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  But they would love it. They'd be like, "Sing the 'Gone for a Little While' song." You know what I'm saying? Because it's like our theme.

• 30:20Will Arnett?

  Amazing, that's amazing.

• 30:21Speaker 03

  That was, that's when, I didn't realize I had the voice. Yeah, it was so cool watching music move them people like that.

• 30:28Will Arnett?

  Did you, did you have an opportunity to meet, like, you know, when you first started going and speaking in jails and reaching out to guys and helping people who, who you must have identified were going through the same things that you did? And I know that that's something that, you know, I can relate to that. When you meet somebody who's gone through stuff that you went through and you can go, "Hey, man," were you, did you then have an opportunity over the years to have guys come up to you and say, "Hey, I met you years ago. Hey, you changed, like, you coming in here and speaking at this jail had an impact on my life, and here's how." Have you had those moments? I bet you have.

• 31:07Speaker 03

  I've had quite a few of them already, especially rehabs. Because we go to, so my, my rule is, uh, I'm a man of faith, and my rule is real simple. My faith, what I believe of my faith would require from me and the person that I follow is that I go speak at jails, I go feed the homeless, I go hang out with the widows, and I go to the rehabs. Because that's where I think that, you know, the God I serve would want me to go. That's where the representation of him went. You know what I'm saying?

• 31:33Will Arnett?

  Yeah, of course.

• 31:34Speaker 03

  So I get it a lot, especially out of the rehabs. Um, the jails too. The jails are so different, though, because some of them guys I'm singing in front of won't come home for another 10 or 20 years. But I will tell you a cool story. I went to the Oregon State Penitentiary to do the first, I brought the first music to the yard at the OSP, the original penitentiary in Oregon, the only death row left in Oregon. Um, or was the only death row left. Uh, and we took the music back to the yard, and there was a guy who'd been in there for 19 years. And he tells my manager, "Man," he's like, "Man, I'm coming home at the end of this year. I come home the day after Christmas. Uh, I've been gone for 20 years, you know, whatever. I'm just looking forward to hanging out with my daughter. She's 22. I've been gone since she was two."

• 32:16Speaker 03

  So we fly him out and his daughter for my New Year's Eve show. So imagine being incarcerated for 20 years. You come straight out. We put you in a first class flight with your little girl, who's not a little girl anymore. She's 22 and they came down and partied with us in Nashville all of New Year's Eve.

• 32:33Jason Bateman?

  That's amazing.

• 32:34Speaker 03

  And I just, I'm, I'm thinking about how over, I'm overwhelmed by this, right? And I've been doing this a few years. I just imagine what this guy's feeling, you know? And great, went straight home and got a job and just the character of a man who's vision and dream in jail was to go have, do an activity with his daughter. He's like, man, I've missed 20 years of my little girl's life. The first thing I want to do is go home and be a part of her life.

• 32:55Will Arnett?

  That's so amazing.

• 32:56Jason Bateman?

  How soon after your daughter was born, did you get out?

• 33:00Speaker 03

  I got home when she was almost two.

• 33:02Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  And this story is even probably the coolest part of this whole story, Jay.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  My daughter, um, her mother at the time, because I was rightfully so a fucking criminal, wouldn't let me see her. So I had to go to court. I had to get supervised visits through the courtroom. Like I had to step that very slow, build a relationship then, uh, six hours on Friday evening, but she had to be home before 10:00 PM. And then I, you know, I just had to, I had to keep going to the court every six months and going, look, I'm, I'm continuing to prove I'm changing. I'm in college. Look, I'm doing this. I'm like, you know, the music, like being famous wasn't even a thought that I just wanted to be a good dad. I just came home, like, I just wanted to focus on just being the best father I could be.

• 33:43Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 33:44Speaker 03

  Yeah. I was, you know what I'm saying? I was just like building that fast, fast forward, that same little girl that was born when I was incarcerated is fixing to turn 17 years old.

• 33:53Jason Bateman?

  Oh, wow.

• 33:53Speaker 03

  She's got one of the highest GPAs at her high school. She's a dual enrollment kid and is junior going to college. Me and my wife have had full custody of her for eight years. This is my best friend. You know what I'm saying?

• 34:04Jason Bateman?

  Oh, what a great story. Wait, so she's been living with you for the last eight years?

• 34:09Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 34:09Jason Bateman?

  Fuck it. No, that's great.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  It's awesome, dude.

• 34:11Jason Bateman?

  How cool.

• 34:12Will Arnett?

  It's such a great story of how anything, anything is possible. It's so great, man. It's, it's, again, that part of your, well, all of your story, I find so inspirational. I mentioned before too, you know, when you went and testified before Congress and it was about a year ago, wasn't it? It was like January of last year. And, uh, and, and really advocated for limiting or getting rid of, or what was it? Fentanyl and all that stuff. And you, I, I remember you were like, I used to be part of the problem. I was a drug dealer and now I want to be part of the solution. Didn't you say something like that?

• 34:44Speaker 03

  That's exactly what I said, Will. Thank you.

• 34:46Sean Hayes?

  And were you trying to help them out on what might be some more efficient ways for them to exact some change?

• 34:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, we're working on, there's a, it's a double side sword. We were working on a bill to stop the flow and the demand. So it's trying to figure out the balance. But it was breaking my heart that the statistic I gave, Jason, was, and I don't know if you know this either, Sean, this will blow y'all's mind if you don't, but over 160 something people in America die every single day to fentanyl overdoses.

• 35:19Sean Hayes?

  How many? How many?

• 35:20Speaker 03

  160 something. To give y'all the reference I used at the fentanyl hearing is, that is a 737 plane crashing, full of human souls.

• 35:29Sean Hayes?

  Every day?

• 35:30Speaker 03

  Every single day.

• 35:31Sean Hayes?

  Wow.

• 35:32Speaker 03

  Now, if it was a plane that was crashing every single day, I don't predict this happens for four days before every airline in America shut down and there's a national crisis.

• 35:40Sean Hayes?

  And does something about it.

• 35:41Speaker 03

  If there was 100 and something squirrels in Central Park dying a day, there would be, there would be pickets out there of, save the squirrels, rightfully so. I'd be one of the picketers. You know what I mean? Like literally. So to me, it's just, we can't minimize human life because they're struggling with an addiction. Addictions aren't a personal problem.

• 35:59Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  That's how we've looked at them as society. We've dismissed addiction as, well, they're getting what they deserve. They chose to do those drugs. And it's like, you don't really understand addiction and you, I could see where you would say that. But now we're in a place where everybody knows an addict. Everybody has a friend or a family member who's like, no, that dude was a great guy or a great woman. And then she got on drugs and I didn't recognize her, couldn't talk to her.

• 36:20Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, my brother died, my brother was an alcoholic and he died from it, yeah.

• 36:23Speaker 03

  So you know, it's totally different.

• 36:25Jason Bateman?

  Can you die from chin chin? Because Sean's, Sean's white knuckling right now.

• 36:30Will Arnett?

  167 days in a row. I thought that was the number that Sean had, had the chicken cow.

• 36:37Sean Hayes?

  Kung pow, kung pow chicken.

• 36:38Jason Bateman?

  It's just gonna take you down, Sean.

• 36:44Sean Hayes?

  Look, I can't stop.

• 36:45Will Arnett?

  So, so Jelly, talk a little bit about, man, ah, so you, you, you, you get out, you, and you decide to make a change because your daughter, and you've been making music, as you alluded to, while you were there, and now, and now you're out, and, and you're going to school, and you're working on reestablishing your relationship with your kids and all that stuff. What's the moment, what's the first musical breakthrough moment? What's the moment where you go, oh, wait a second, we might have something? What's the first song, mixtape? What is it? Walk us through that a little bit.

• 37:20Speaker 03

  Thank you. This is a question I never get asked, because this is like a throw, throwback. Because I know the tipping point moment, like the, what Malcolm Gladwell would say was my moment, was a song called Save Me.

• 37:30Will Arnett?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:31Speaker 03

  But what I know was my moment. Because we know our moment before everybody else does, right? Like, as an artist, like, we know a moment, it's like, y'all might not have seen it then, but something in me triggered, like, I got something here.

• 37:43Will Arnett?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:43Speaker 03

  I came home, and my buddy had had, bought a flip can from Best Buy, his name's Chad Arms, and he was like, hey, man, they got this new thing called YouTube that came out since you've been incarcerated. It was like, it's kind of like Facebook, but only for videos. I was like, fire! He was like, yeah, he had to go to a laptop, right? So he turns on a beat, and I just got out of jail, he's like, yo, just start rapping or something, I'll cut it up later. And I put out this thing called a 10-minute freestyle, I got taken down later because I said something about my parole officer and got in trouble. But, but I'm just like, you know, I'm a young kid out of jail, so I'm just talking shit, rapping. And he put it on YouTube, and at the time, it was called a 10-minute freestyle, and I won't make y'all do the quiz, I normally go pop quiz, why was it called a 10-minute freestyle?

• 38:26Speaker 03

  And it's because at the time, YouTube wouldn't let you upload a video longer than 10 minutes. That was the YouTube bandwidth, was 10-minute, 21-second videos. And at the time, they called it viral because it got like 40,000 views. This is baby YouTube infancy, so I was like, this is it, we're gonna be, this is gonna work, people care, you know? This is like, it was different, because when you're passing mixtapes out the neighborhood, you see the neighborhood caring. But it's like, is somebody outside the neighborhood ever gonna care? So I was like, there's not 40,000 people in my neighborhood, we're hot, this is real. Yeah, yeah.

• 38:55Jason Bateman?

  Right, you can build an audience and they like what you're doing. People that don't even know you like what you're doing.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  That's it, yeah. It was easier when people knew you. Like school in y'all's world, maybe like school theater. It's like, yeah, of course, you know, but like when you had to go do it at another high school. It's like, whoa, I might be on to something. I'm not a big hit here.

• 39:12Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah, right, right.

• 39:13Will Arnett?

  So, so you make this, so you make this YouTube video and you get some, you get some, a little bit of traction. Early days of YouTube and then presumably you make some more and you start doing that kind of more. When do you, when do you first start getting like this sniffing around from the corporate entities that like to control these kinds of things and make, and see, they see dollar signs for themselves from you?

• 39:37Speaker 03

  Man, I tell you how lucky I got and I think y'all got lucky like this too, is that nobody's seen what was happening until it kind of happened.

• 39:46Speaker 03

  So like by the time the labels were calling, I was making seven figures a year off my YouTube. Right. Oh, wow. You know what I mean? So by the time they call, it's just like, then they call like, hey, we'll give you a million dollars. I was like, I made that. What are you talking about?

• 39:57Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  You know what I mean?

• 39:58Will Arnett?

  I'm gonna have to come with something better than that.

• 40:00Speaker 03

  So then the first call to answer your question directly came in like 2018. We didn't negotiate a deal till 2021. Wow. Cause they kept coming like, I was like, I don't think, y'all see the metrics, but y'all aren't. When I finally signed my record deal. I love talking about Inside Baseball, how the sausage is my favorite.

• 40:18Will Arnett?

  I know, it's so good.

• 40:19Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, we do too.

• 40:19Will Arnett?

  So good, love it.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, um, when I finally signed my, my record deal, I'd already had, you know, three million or 2.5 million YouTube subscribers, a billion views on my YouTube, views on my YouTube channel.

• 40:31Jason Bateman?

  Amazing.

• 40:33Speaker 03

  I'd already had a couple of gold records independently. I was selling two to four thousand tickets everywhere in the Midwest and Southeast, everywhere in the Bible Belt or the Rust Belt. If it ended with belt, we were killing there. You know what I mean? So it's like, uh. You know, once we got, once we got left of Colorado, we, you know what I'm saying? But we knew we'd work our way out here eventually. Left of Colorado.

• 40:57Speaker 03

  So by the time they started sniffing around, I was like, look, here's kind of where we are. And I got the deal I dreamed of.

• 41:02Jason Bateman?

  Right. Yeah, exactly. Cause they had to do something better than what you're.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  Oh, how about this? Y'all know, y'all will get this. I own a hundred percent of my master recordings. Own a hundred percent of my publishing. I own my IP completely. I own everything to do with who, who I am as me.

• 41:18Jason Bateman?

  And now you have a whole library that is you can hold on to for the rest of your, pass it on to your daughter or whatever you want to do. Yeah.

• 41:23Speaker 03

  Yep. Put, put, just, you know what I did with it? Paid the taxes on early and put it in the trust and let it grow.

• 41:28Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 41:29Speaker 03

  Put the catalog there for the family. Let them, I broke generational curses, baby.

• 41:33Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. How, how did you, and then so, so you jumped into that, uh, community of, uh, you know, I, I'll say in quotes legitimacy, right? Where you, you're now you're, you're at these shows with, with all of these, uh, sort of, um, uh, established acts and these record labels and all of this, sort of the infrastructure. Um, how have you found that community? You know, because you came from such a.

• 42:01Will Arnett?

  Yeah. You're an outlier.

• 42:02Jason Bateman?

  Uh, yeah. And it's, uh, you're, you're, you're, you're the, you're the real deal. And, um, how has that merged, um, with you and how have you merged with them?

• 42:13Speaker 03

  It's been great. It's been really cool. They, um, it's my deal from the beginning was, look, man, I'll trust y'all if y'all trust me. So, you know, let's just not question each other at all. So when y'all ask for something, I'm not going to question y'all. Y'all know what y'all are doing. But equally, if I tell you I want to put out an album a year or 30 songs on an album, or I start making some of these, what might seem like crazy artistic choices. I was like, you just gotta let me ride my wave. This is, this is what I've been doing. This is just the way I operate. You know, I came into a label that was used to doing at the time, two year, three year album cycles and I put out an album a year for the first three years on my deal.

• 42:47Jason Bateman?

  Wow.

• 42:48Speaker 03

  You know, I just came in at a totally different pace.

• 42:50Jason Bateman?

  Well, they're smart to listen to you because more, more people in those positions should listen to the artist. I mean, they're, you're, you're you because you're of who you are. Like you'll make them the money they, they're looking for if you just leave you alone.

• 43:01Will Arnett?

  And it's borne fruit. You've had these number one singles. You've had, uh, I mean, your single, I am not okay. Well, I mean, which is a great song. It's such a great song. And as I alluded to in the intro, it deals with, you know, ideas of, of mental health and, and really talking about it openly. Uh, I love that song, dude. I think that's, it's really powerful and inspirational and, uh, but that thing was, that was a massive hit and that came, they might, it, it, that's the record label trusting you and you going, I know what I'm doing. And then you put a song like that out that just explodes.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  For sure.

• 43:38Will Arnett?

  That must've, must've felt vindicating, like I know what I'm doing.

• 43:40Speaker 03

  Especially with the label because I'm like, I just came off the song, Save Me with Laney, which was a huge hit for me, but it was a big ballad. So here I am going back to the label. I'm like, hey, look, I don't want to turn, I know y'all are gonna think I'm the male Adele here, but it's like, I've got another big ballad that I love. You know what I'm saying? I was like, I think it's gonna touch people, you know?

• 43:59Jason Bateman?

  Muddell is a good song.

• 44:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, Muddell, I'll take that one, Sean, I'll steal it. Name my album then.

• 44:06Jason Bateman?

  Forgive my, uh, my, my naivete, but if I'm a, if I'm a label and I no longer have to print albums and cassettes and DVD or CDs or whatever the hell it is, um, what, what, what would be the burden that I would have to bear if my artist wants to put out an album a year? Like, in other words, what cost, how much do I have to spend as a label? Because you're making the music and then you just put it out digitally. Is, is there, what, what would, what would give them pause to have that kind of frequency?

• 44:39Speaker 03

  Man, spot on. Um, what would be the biggest pause for most artists, not me, is that they need their money. So every time they're going to record a new album, they gotta tap in and go, hey, I need a million dollars.

• 44:51Jason Bateman?

  Oh, I see. They just gotta pay you your fee. So that's, so, but are they fronting you that fee that they then can claw back with the sales? Gotcha.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  And at the rate of the deal, it's the worst thing in the music business. I've been preaching against this for so long. I refuse to do it. That's why I don't take their money at all. Right? Is that because in any other business, what the record businesses do to artists would be illegal. Right? Like if a bank did it or a car lot did it, they'd shut them down.

• 45:16Will Arnett?

  Because?

• 45:17Speaker 03

  Because you're not allowed to put an interest rate on that kind of money.

• 45:20Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  But if you don't call it a loan, you call it an advance. Right? So when I take the word loan out of it, I call it an advance and then we recoup it at the rate of the deal. So let's say, Jason, excuse me.

• 45:32Jason Bateman?

  Do you need to blow your nose, Sean? Can you run over there real quick?

• 45:36Speaker 03

  Thank you, Sean. Let's say y'all three do a Smartless album, right?

• 45:40Jason Bateman?

  Sure. What instrument would each of us play? Go ahead and assign us each an instrument.

• 45:45Speaker 03

  Okay, everybody gets an instrument. I think this would be something unique. Uh, you look like you would, you look like you could rock a saxophone.

• 45:51Jason Bateman?

  That's hurtful.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  It could be a really cool curveball to see you with a saxophone. I would love to see, just because I think this would be so out of pocket for the crew, is if Sean was like the electric guitar player and he carried like a big, just gaudy Gretsch, just one of them huge oversized guitars.

• 46:08Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. And then Will's on the keytar?

• 46:10Speaker 03

  No, you gotta have a drummer.

• 46:12Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 46:12Speaker 03

  You know what I mean?

• 46:13Jason Bateman?

  Will's not a drummer.

• 46:15Sean Hayes?

  He fancies, he fancies himself a drummer.

• 46:18Will Arnett?

  The most athletic of us, yeah. The youngest, skewing, most athletic.

• 46:22Jason Bateman?

  And I'm just blowing things.

• 46:24Will Arnett?

  Yeah, just stick with what you're good at, dude. Blowing air.

• 46:31Jason Bateman?

  Wet my reed? All right, so, all right.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  Pretend y'all get the deal. Pretend y'all get the deal, right? And I say, it's a 70/30 deal, 70% in the favor of the label, 30% for y'all, then I'll give you a million dollars to record the first Smartless album. Right? Like, okay, we get 10% of peace, you know, they're putting up all the money, duh, duh, duh, duh, you sign the deal. But the problem is, I recoup at the rate of the deal, which means every time Smartless makes a dollar, I take 70 cents of that dollar and I go, this is mine, that was our deal. You're like, yep, and then I go, now this would be your 30 cents, but I'm gonna put this 30 cents towards the million dollars you owe me.

• 47:07Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 47:09Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that's a, that's

• 47:10Speaker 03

  That is a 70% interest rate, gentlemen. I don't care how you slice or butter that bread.

• 47:14Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 47:15Speaker 03

  Now, you could, you've found legal loopholes to make it not that, but ultimately, that's absurd. You know what I mean?

• 47:22Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 47:24Sean Hayes?

  We'll be right back.

• 47:28Sean Hayes?

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• 48:07Sean Hayes?

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• 48:47Sean Hayes?

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• 49:29Jason Bateman?

  And now, back to the show.

• 49:32Sean Hayes?

  Now, let me ask you something. How did you become so savvy? Did you have your pitfalls along the way and you learn? And this is the result of that is now you're like, I know how to do deals now? Because you must have made some bad ones in order to know what good ones are.

• 49:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, that's what happened. And the cool thing was, nobody wanted to sign me. So like, when nobody wants to work with you, but you're like, I had to figure it out myself.

• 49:55Will Arnett?

  Right, so you had to make it yourself? And by the time they came to you and they're like, hey, here's how the deals are. You're like, hang on a second, the math doesn't add up. I don't need your fucking money under your system.

• 50:08Sean Hayes?

  I'm making plenty on my own.

• 50:09Will Arnett?

  Right, when you, yeah, when you kind of see that, when you see that math upfront, you go like, uh-uh.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, as soon as you see it, and then you're aware, because I've done enough distribution deals. And early in my career, I had to take a little money. So you'd go get a hundred grand, and then you'd see it took you six months to pay the hundred grand back. And you're like, by the time I paid the hundred grand back, they made a half a million dollars.

• 50:31Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 50:32Speaker 03

  I was like, I'm tripping, this is crazy. You know, it wasn't even, you go through that enough times, when it finally happens, label calls like, hey, we'll give you... And that's where labels kept messing up. The first three or four labels, oh, I love talking about this. The first three or four labels that would call me would just offer me money. They thought I was just some dumb redneck, which they were right. But they thought I was a dumber redneck than they thought I was. And they would come and they'd be like, hey, you know, listen, I'll never forget one label said, it's a blank check. Like, whatever you want it to be within reason, you put the amount of money you want us to give you, and then we'll put a number of albums with it.

• 51:06Sean Hayes?

  Right, gotcha.

• 51:07Speaker 03

  You know, and I had a guy at the time who was ill-advising me. He was like, let's just ask for like 10 or 20 million bucks, dude. This will change both of our lives forever. He was like, kind of managing me a little bit. And I was like, right then, I was like, I think I need to find another manager. I was like, I don't think this is right. I was like, because I'm also in a space where, you know, mama didn't raise no fool. You know what I mean? It's like, I was smart enough to go, I don't, if they think I can make 20 million dollars... And that's what these people do is they count beans and determine if people can make 20 million dollars. I think I can make 20 million dollars. You know what I'm saying? I was like, maybe I'm crazy to think that, but you know what I mean?

• 51:44Jason Bateman?

  No, they showed their cards. Yeah, exactly.

• 51:46Will Arnett?

  Anytime somebody comes at you with a number and says, hey, this out of the blue and says, this is what we want to give you. You're like, all right, this is a great starting point. We're obviously worth way more than that.

• 51:57Jason Bateman?

  They're building in a pad that's favorable to them.

• 51:59Will Arnett?

  We've had our own experience with that.

• 52:03Jason Bateman?

  But now, so but industry standard on the deal structure for for live performance. So touring and stuff like that is much more in the favor of the artist. Is that correct?

• 52:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, yeah, always ancillary participation is what they call it to try to get us away from the 360 deal, which is what it is still. They just gave it a cooler name. But it's always in favor of the artist, depending on what your deal was and how much money you took. I know some artists in town that did bad ancillary deals too, though. They did like 50 50 or 70 30 ancillary. So they're in this 80 20 record deal where they're only getting 20% of their streaming royalties, don't own any of the masters. 100% of the masters will own by the label for the rest of the year.

• 52:42Jason Bateman?

  Right, right. That's crazy.

• 52:44Speaker 03

  And then they go out and they'll do a 60 40 ancillary participation. And the problem with that is-

• 52:49Jason Bateman?

  Meaning the concerts?

• 52:50Speaker 03

  Yeah. But the problem with that is, is that if I give the label even 80%, let's say, I mean, 20%, let's say I said, you know what? We've done great. Y'all built my profile. I give you 20%. Booking agent wants 10. Management's still coming in at 15. Business manager's still at five, which I've negotiated all those fees back over the years. But I mean, you know how this works. I mean, if you just, next thing you know, there's a, what I try to advise artists is this, you're going to end up in a situation where you're going to make what your manager is making if you're not careful. You know what I mean?

• 53:20Jason Bateman?

  The difference is they've got 12 other clients.

• 53:22Speaker 03

  When you and your manager are moving the same neighborhood together, you're in trouble. You know what I'm saying?

• 53:25Jason Bateman?

  Do you get, you get to keep all the merchandise money? How does that work?

• 53:29Speaker 03

  It's normally in the ancillary.

• 53:31Jason Bateman?

  Same ratio?

• 53:32Speaker 03

  But yeah, just whatever that is.

• 53:34Jason Bateman?

  It's ticket sales?

• 53:34Speaker 03

  It's out of mind completely.

• 53:36Sean Hayes?

  Do you feel like you, you have to tour, whether that's emotionally, financially, spiritually, or do you want to tour? Because I ask people this often who come on the show who are musicians or in bands, because I'm such a homebody. Like, whenever I have to go anywhere and pack and then, you know, shack up at a hotel and like-

• 53:55Will Arnett?

  Pack is the reason.

• 53:57Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, like pack a suitcase.

• 54:00Will Arnett?

  The idea of going out and learning in the world is really, what really holds me back is the idea that I have to fucking pack. Then hire somebody to fucking pack for you.

• 54:08Sean Hayes?

  I hate packing.

• 54:10Will Arnett?

  You're not learning anything at your fucking house. Jesus Christ.

• 54:14Sean Hayes?

  Maybe I am, maybe I am.

• 54:15Will Arnett?

  Both you guys, I'm gonna bury you both.

• 54:17Sean Hayes?

  I'm learning a lot today from Mr. Roll.

• 54:19Jason Bateman?

  Washing in a strange room.

• 54:25Sean Hayes?

  No, well, the whole point of all of that was I'm such a homebody. I can't imagine going on tour all the time every year.

• 54:31Will Arnett?

  Different way of saying he's lazy, by the way.

• 54:33Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, exactly. What's that like for you?

• 54:36Speaker 03

  Well, I think it's a need and a want. I need to write music. That's something I know. For like my spirit and my therapy, like I have to write songs. Like I have, there's something in me. I'm very empathic. I meet people every day. I hear these stories about how my music has helped people through dark moments and that stuff sits with me. I don't find a way to exercise that. Touring for me is just the old school, like I'm an old school rock and roll dude, man. Like I still smoke pot and play the guitar a couple hours every day just for fun if I can. You know what I mean? Like it's still like just get lost in jamming and learning other people's songs. Like I love this life. I love the pace. I love the

• 55:16Speaker 03

  bus. I love the smell of diesel fuel. I love pilot truck stops at 6 a.m. Sean. I mean, I love all that stuff. You know what I mean?

• 55:24Will Arnett?

  Sean knows too, different reason.

• 55:28Sean Hayes?

  My twenties, different reason for truck stops. It was change.

• 55:32Will Arnett?

  What was it like, what was the moment when you got that first Grammy nomination? What was?

• 55:39Speaker 03

  Oh, I cried, baby. Snot rocketed.

• 55:41Will Arnett?

  Did you?

• 55:42Speaker 03

  Oh nasty, couldn't quit crying. Then I called my mama to tell her and I videoed myself calling her and my mom was a little older, you know? So I'm like, Mom, I just got, I'm snot rocketing. So she can't hear me. I'm just blowing snot bubbles. And she goes, you said something about some money? I said, no, Mama. I said the Grammys. She said, but you said your granny? I said, no, Mama. I said, I just got nominated for a Grammy. And she's so funny. She goes, well, that's good. And then two seconds. Later she goes, hey, I seen a picture of you and Tanya Tucker together. How cool was she? I'm still crying and my mom was asking about Tanya Tucker, the country singer.

• 56:19Speaker 03

  What's up with Tanya Tucker though? But it was cool, man. It was um, in our business, it don't get no bigger, man.

• 56:25Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 56:26Speaker 03

  The easiest way to describe it is I've been blessed to win a CMA. I've been blessed to win an ACM. I've been blessed.

• 56:33Will Arnett?

  You swept the CMAs that right? I mean, you cleaned up.

• 56:37Speaker 03

  I had some big moments and being nominated for a Grammy, just the nomination trumps all those.

• 56:44Jason Bateman?

  Sure.

• 56:44Speaker 03

  I used to, before I got nominated for a Grammy, I was introduced as the new, the CMA ACM award winning multi-platinum recording artist.

• 56:52Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 56:52Speaker 03

  I am now introduced real easy. Grammy nominated, recording artist, Jelly Roll, just being nominated. Got rid of every award I'd ever won even being in my title.

• 57:01Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, that's really cool.

• 57:03Speaker 03

  Like, that's how cool it is.

• 57:04Jason Bateman?

  So who, who would you be most excited to meet at a big event like say like the Grammys or something like that?

• 57:11Speaker 03

  Oh, that's a good one because at the last Grammys I got to meet Taylor. Taylor Swift came and talked to me and I felt like the belle of the ball, dog. When I tell you I felt like king shit. I felt the same way I felt when Howard Stern hugged me. Uh huh. Right? When Howard hugged me, I was like, dude, this dude likes me for real. I'm looking and Taylor's walking across the room and it's like, this is Taylor Swift. So you're just watching people part like the Red Sea. They're just like, and as she's walking to my wife, grabbed me, she goes, I think Taylor's walking over here. I was like, no, no. And I'm looking at her and she's looking at me and I was like, no, I think she's walking over to Boy Wonder because uh, Boy Wonder was sitting, Boy Genius was sitting in front of me.

• 57:47Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 57:47Speaker 03

  And uh, I think she's walking over to Boy Genius. And she did, she walked right up to me and gave me a hug. It was super cool. I was like.

• 57:53Will Arnett?

  That's amazing.

• 57:54Speaker 03

  And then I was so nervous, I fumbled. I forgot. I was gonna tell her this great emotional story about how I'd pushed my daughter on the swing set at a park she built in her old hometown.

• 58:02Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  And I just could not remember. I was like, the park, my daughter. I was like, I'm just so bad.

• 58:08Jason Bateman?

  You'll get that chance again, I'm sure.

• 58:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, Jay-Z there too. It was really cool. Stevie Wonder. I mean, it was like, it was definitely, Ed Sheeran came and talked to me. I mean, it was, it was really cool.

• 58:18Jason Bateman?

  All good people, yeah?

• 58:19Will Arnett?

  Yeah, that is, that is so cool. Uh, you know, it's, it's funny. I was thinking about your song, uh, well, I'm not okay, but save me and all your songs and what is Son of a Sinner and. I got to hang out with a country singer songwriter a few months ago. We were out late night and he was playing all his songs, but acoustically. There were a bunch of us in this room. And I was like, and when I was listening to him play these songs acoustically and singing with the power and the emotion, I was like, I was like, these are, these are the poets of our time. Country music has become, they speak about the heart of what's going on.

• 59:01Will Arnett?

  And when you listen to the lyrics and you listen to the passion, especially in an acoustic setting, I found it when it was like really stripped down. It blew my mind, man. I was so moved by this. It was probably a guy, do you know Thomas Rhett?

• 59:16Speaker 03

  Of course, TR's my buddy.

• 59:18Will Arnett?

  Yeah, I was with Thomas and he was, he was playing and he was playing some of his songs. And he's playing some of lots of other people's songs as well. Man, it was, and it's true. I mean, I don't know how much you guys, Sean and JB have listened to a lot, a lot of the country that's coming out now and the stuff that, it's unbelievable, man.

• 59:35Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, it's all good. It's all good stuff.

• 59:37Speaker 03

  Well, you gotta think, all the poets of, have always ended up in Nashville. Bob Dylan went out of his way to come down here and write and do Nashville Skyline. One of the only places James Taylor frequented besides his island of his own, where he rode at up on the northeast was he'd come to Nashville every now and then. Like, it's always been, it's always kind of leaned that way. And I think that we're having the biggest moment we've ever had with it. But what you got to experience is what I tell people that makes country music more special than every genre, is that it's all about the song with us. Like, it's all about the hits with the other genres, like, not in a bad way, but like, you know, it's, it's a lot of production, it's a very produced thing. But like, and our business is, if I take all that shit out and I just grab my guitar right now,

• 1:00:22Speaker 03

  or if I grab this piano right now and I break this song down, just me and you acoustic, it really makes the song stand out.

• 1:00:29Jason Bateman?

  Right, and what you're talking about.

• 1:00:31Will Arnett?

  It's incredible. I was so moved in a way that it was really unexpected, man.

• 1:00:38Speaker 03

  Especially when you get to do it like that, like when we're all, the best is when you get... Three or four or five of us in a room together and we're playing past the guitar.

• 1:00:47Will Arnett?

  Oh.

• 1:00:48Sean Hayes?

  Ha, that's pretty cool.

• 1:00:49Speaker 03

  It's awesome when we're like, yo, what did you write? He's like, yo, I wrote this last week and then Thomas Rhett singing a song that might not ever come out that he just wrote. And then I'm singing a song I might not ever put out that I just wrote. Cause it's like anything else, I just wrote it. So I think it's the best song I ever wrote. I gotta listen to it for two months before I'm like, that song's not that good.

• 1:01:04Will Arnett?

  Listen, I'm not trying to create my own private concert for me, but what I would like to do, and my dream would be to come to like Nashville and hang out with you and Tom. What a great guy. You guys would love him too, right? He's such a great guy, right? Jelly, I mean, he's the awesome, what a talent. Talent and awesome guy.

• 1:01:22Speaker 03

  Great husband, great father. I mean, just present, just great dude.

• 1:01:25Will Arnett?

  And but to come in and hang out, I would, that would be like a dream. That would be a total dream to be a fly on the wall with, with a bunch of you guys. That it would be unbelievable.

• 1:01:34Speaker 03

  Come anytime. We, we, the cool thing about it is we do it.

• 1:01:38Will Arnett?

  Wow.

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  I think it's what made, it's similar to what y'all do. It's what made Smartless the biggest podcast on the earth. We immediately heard three friends who are at the top of their class, but are buddies at core, just hanging out and being fucking buddies. Like, that's us. Like, when we're all sitting around together passing the guitar, like, we're not a bunch of country music superstars. We're a bunch of dumbass songwriters trying to show that we can still write dumbass songs.

• 1:02:00Will Arnett?

  No.

• 1:02:01Speaker 03

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:02:02Will Arnett?

  Yeah, no, you're right. Two buddies and Jason and we, you know, we do the show and that's.

• 1:02:10Will Arnett?

  We got him, everybody. We got him.

• 1:02:13Jason Bateman?

  Um, how about this? This is probably as stupid as all the other questions I ever ask, but um, what about, I would imagine that your life before things got better, was, was a richer pot from you to pull from to write songs versus now? Are you, the question is, are you, are you as inspired with stuff to write about now that things have the edges a little bit more rounded in your life? You know, deservedly so. Or is it, or are you still finding stuff that really grabs your, your heartstrings now?

• 1:02:56Speaker 03

  I, I pull from a little less personal pain, but I've gotten a thousand more muses. So it kind of balanced itself out. I get, I um.

• 1:03:07Speaker 03

  I get, I'm not making this number up, I'm sure y'all do too, but I get thousands of messages across every platform a day. And seventy percent of them are like, real, hey man, your song helps me out of a hole. I got sober to your music. Uh, I dealt with the death of my father with cancer to this song. Like, this song, like, we played this at my mother's funeral. We played this at my cousin who had a fentanyl overdose's funeral, so like, it goes back to me being very empathic.

• 1:03:35Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:35Speaker 03

  I feel this. Like, I'm the kind of guy that's like, if you start crying, I will cry. We cry together. I have a, nobody cries alone policy. You know what I'm saying? It's just automatically.

• 1:03:45Sean Hayes?

  I love that.

• 1:03:46Speaker 03

  So it's like, I hear these stories. You know, I hear these stories every day, so not, I'm not, I had a, man, this is, I've never said it this way, but there was a moment I thought I was special because of where I was from and what I'd been through. Like, I thought like, oh, this, the world's clicking for me because all this shit I went through is like, makes me special. And then I realized what makes me special is that we've all been through some sort of shit.

• 1:04:09Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:10Speaker 03

  And that I am a representation of that. And once I realized that I wasn't telling my unique specialty story, I was telling the story of millions of Americans who have felt the same kind of pain, and don't take this Sean to speak on it, but I speak for, I speak for Sean's brother.

• 1:04:24Sean Hayes?

  Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:25Speaker 03

  Like, I am an active voice for Sean's brother, right now. Whether Sean knew that before this call or not, is that, my, most of my life mission is getting people to understand that alcoholics and addicts are good people. They're not bad people, they're just in the middle of a bad situation.

• 1:04:39Sean Hayes?

  That's exactly right.

• 1:04:40Will Arnett?

  And it's one of the core tenets of, uh, of recovery is that idea, is that, you're, you're exactly right, you're not unique, it's that people can identify with.

• 1:04:49Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:04:50Will Arnett?

  And it's through that identification, you know, that it creates community, and community is the option, opposite of addiction. When you can create that, you know.

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  Mm. I, I, man, it's. That's it.

• 1:05:01Will Arnett?

  It's so powerful.

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  The opposite of addiction is connection, baby. You're speaking to me, Will, let's go, baby.

• 1:05:05Will Arnett?

  That's it, man. It's so, it's so true, it's so true.

• 1:05:08Sean Hayes?

  And then when you do that, when you go through that, and you, and, and everything that you've been through and everything you just said, uh, Mr. Roll, uh, is the, um, is, is that, is that you are now, like I said at the beginning of this, uh, interviews, You are now a light and you speak so eloquently about everything you've been through and the kind of enlightenment that you've gone through and it's such a like people are now drawn to you for those reasons and people seek out your advice, your guidance. It's really fascinating.

• 1:05:42Jason Bateman?

  And they're uplifted through that connection.

• 1:05:43Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:44Speaker 03

  The message is different when it a message always hits different when it comes from one of its own.

• 1:05:48Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:48Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? Like that's why I go back to jails and that's why I go to rehab because I remember none of our own ever came back and talked to us. So no matter how well intentioned other people were, it just didn't hit. You know what I mean? Because it wasn't it wasn't coming from a place that we could like.

• 1:06:03Sean Hayes?

  And it lights you up as much as music lights you up. The messaging. Yeah, I love that.

• 1:06:08Speaker 03

  Yes, baby. It's my real purpose, man. It's to serve.

• 1:06:11Will Arnett?

  Giving it away is the best feeling of all, right? I mean, that's that's where the power comes from. That's that's the hack that people don't.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  You need a blessing be a blessing, baby. You need a blessing be a blessing.

• 1:06:22Will Arnett?

  Well, it's like, you know, if you're if you're feeling unloved is because you're not being loving. That's been my experience. And if I push love out on people, I get that back on me tenfold.

• 1:06:32Sean Hayes?

  That's right. Basically, that's yeah, that's what I was trying to say.

• 1:06:35Will Arnett?

  It's 100% true. If you're and this is a hack that I that I that I'm a little reluctant to share. This is totally true that I find if I'm feeling low or if I'm feeling like unconnected or I'm feeling lonely or whatever, you know, I reach out to somebody else and ask them how they're doing. It's the most unbelievable, you know, and you.

• 1:06:56Jason Bateman?

  I'm gonna send you my number in the chat.

• 1:06:58Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:58Will Arnett?

  At the bottom of the screen. We know how you're doing. You're at home in your thing like and Sean, I know it. You're at home having no experience. You know, it's a sad Hollywood story. They can't even do a real life Hollywood story because there's not enough info. There's not enough life. They can't fill an hour because it's too boring. It's got famous and rich and sat in his house. Who's gonna watch that?

• 1:07:24Sean Hayes?

  A webisode. We could do a webisode.

• 1:07:26Will Arnett?

  We might be able to do a webisode. We'll go back, Jason. We'll produce it for Dum Dum.

• 1:07:31Sean Hayes?

  Look at Scotty got me this pencil holder. It's a little typewriter.

• 1:07:34Will Arnett?

  There we go.

• 1:07:35Sean Hayes?

  That's I'm excited about that.

• 1:07:36Will Arnett?

  That that took up a week. That was a week. That was a week of shit, just to get that. Jelly Roll, man, honestly, having you here has been so amazing.

• 1:07:47Jason Bateman?

  This is awesome.

• 1:07:48Will Arnett?

  Yeah, you're just such an inspiration and thank goodness that you are who you are, man. You've touched a lot of people. You certainly touched me and I know you've helped a lot of people. So, thank you for your kindness and your voice and everything and your music and your artistry. All of it, dude.

• 1:08:06Speaker 03

  Will, thanks for inviting me on. Jason, thanks for mistaking me for Katie Chesney, who's a foot shorter and 300 pounds lighter.

• 1:08:16Speaker 03

  Sean, I love you to absolute death, man. I love all of y'all.

• 1:08:19Jason Bateman?

  Likewise.

• 1:08:20Speaker 03

  I can't thank y'all enough for what y'all are doing for the world, man. How happy y'all are making people, how much joy you're bringing to people's car rides every day. Man, I just hope y'all know that this was, I'm sure y'all did it just to, you know, just to connect with each other and it just kind of spread, but man, that's, you are helping so many people, man. You are a direct servant, man. You don't even, I'm sure you know it. I'm not, I'm acting like y'all don't know, but you're serving people.

• 1:08:43Jason Bateman?

  I hope so.

• 1:08:44Speaker 03

  You're not wasting an hour or two of your life every day just shooting the shit with your friends, man. You're helping a lot. My therapist listens to y'all. He's never been excited about me doing anything. But this was like a really big deal. This and Jay Shetty for him were like, whoa, I can't believe.

• 1:08:59Jason Bateman?

  I'm sure, I'm sure you're as thankful as we are that people are actually listening to what it is we want to say, right? And it's a real joy.

• 1:09:07Will Arnett?

  It's a blessing.

• 1:09:08Speaker 03

  Y'all leave with love, baby. Y'all leave with love.

• 1:09:10Jason Bateman?

  And if you're ever in LA, please, let's have a meal or something. I would love it.

• 1:09:13Speaker 03

  Please, we'll do it. Yeah, we'll live for sure. Well, I'll reach out. I'd love to see y'all again sometime, man. Love to hang.

• 1:09:20Will Arnett?

  Thank you. The great Jelly Roll. Thank you, brother.

• 1:09:22Jason Bateman?

  Thanks for being with us.

• 1:09:23Speaker 03

  Please, boys.

• 1:09:25Jason Bateman?

  What a nice man. That's a nice, a nice way to start the day.

• 1:09:29Sean Hayes?

  I didn't get a chance to talk to him at our event. I mean, just to say hello.

• 1:09:34Jason Bateman?

  Me neither, but I was struck as you were, just how infectious his light, his energy was, his warmth when he shook our hands. It was, it was, it was.

• 1:09:44Sean Hayes?

  He's the kind of guy you want to hang out with. You want in your life. It'll make your life better. Those kinds of people make your life. Better.

• 1:09:50Will Arnett?

  He makes, he, he's, there's a guy, again, like, he's just, when he's turned his life around and he's spent, he's dedicated his life to making other people's lives better.

• 1:10:00Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:00Will Arnett?

  Which is fucking awesome.

• 1:10:02Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I love it.

• 1:10:02Jason Bateman?

  You know, that option is available to you, Will.

• 1:10:04Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:05Will Arnett?

  I, listen, I'm out there.

• 1:10:06Jason Bateman?

  You could start today.

• 1:10:07Will Arnett?

  I'm trying. I mean, I'm not the one, again, I can't, you guys have nothing to talk, what do you talk about on a talk show? It just occurred to me. There's nothing.

• 1:10:15Jason Bateman?

  What are you talking about? Oh, I come up with bits.

• 1:10:16Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:17Jason Bateman?

  You know, I come up with bits, you know, funny stories.

• 1:10:20Will Arnett?

  Come up with.

• 1:10:22Jason Bateman?

  You know, I tell garbage about how I don't like to walk around hotel rooms with my bare feet and crap like that. I just make it up.

• 1:10:30Sean Hayes?

  Oh, my God. But we know them all. Haven't you run out of them?

• 1:10:33Jason Bateman?

  Well, yeah, I, I need, I do need some new stories.

• 1:10:36Sean Hayes?

  Um, I know, Will, you're always like, you gotta go see the world so you have something to talk about.

• 1:10:40Will Arnett?

  It's true. Well, just not even just on talk show, just in general, read books, meet people.

• 1:10:44Jason Bateman?

  I do. Get off my fucking back.

• 1:10:47Will Arnett?

  No. I'm gonna get off your fucking back. I was put on this planet to be on your back, egging you on to, I want you to be a better, I love Sean Hayes. And I want the best for him, okay?

• 1:11:00Sean Hayes?

  Very nice.

• 1:11:00Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, but why don't you, you could just turn on CNN International and you could see it.

• 1:11:04Will Arnett?

  No, you're not, because you're at home.

• 1:11:06Sean Hayes?

  Or watch a movie with whatever landmark you wanna see.

• 1:11:09Will Arnett?

  To the world, you know, it, it's.

• 1:11:11Jason Bateman?

  But it's just, what about my sheets and my pillow and my.

• 1:11:16Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:16Will Arnett?

  Yeah, or Sean, you should get to what you're looking at on your screen. Go ahead, what do you, what was your thought?

• 1:11:22Sean Hayes?

  I'm looking, I can't find one.

• 1:11:24Jason Bateman?

  Are you trying to think of, well, um, you know, uh, if you could travel a lot back and forth to Los Angeles and New York, if you had two.

• 1:11:33Sean Hayes?

  Well, we've used that one so many times. What, no, what about this? But I don't wanna travel anywhere because I'd miss you guys because if we, if I leave somewhere, I'd have to wave.

• 1:11:43Jason Bateman?

  Good.

• 1:11:43Sean Hayes?

  Good. Bye.

• 1:11:45Will Arnett?

  Bye. I feel like we've done that too.

• 1:11:47Jason Bateman?

  You know, we've never come up with anything where "bye" is in the middle of a word.

• 1:11:52Sean Hayes?

  Okay, win by a nose, saw him go by, two by two, selling by, sitting by him.

• 1:11:57Will Arnett?

  Hey, listen, listen, listen.

• 1:11:58Sean Hayes?

  A house by the lake?

• 1:11:59Will Arnett?

  The good news, the good news is you can go anywhere in the world, right? And you can do stuff. And if something happens back home, if somebody gets hurt, somebody gets killed, and the cops interview you, if you're out of town, you've got a great alibi.

• 1:12:13Sean Hayes?

  Bye. Oh, that's good.

• 1:12:15Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, that's fantastic.

• 1:12:19Speaker 04

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• 1:12:31Will Arnett?

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• 1:12:43Speaker 04

  Smart. Less.

• 1:12:47Speaker 05

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• 1:13:14Sean Hayes?

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