Break My HIPAA Not My Heart

SUBSCRIBE TO THE BNC CHANNEL: https://bit.ly/45Pspyl Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/3OZxwpr MERCH: https://shoptmgstudios.com This week, Brooke and Connor talk about dysfunctioning on an executive level, writing a book together, and going to forcing parties. Plus, Brooke passes the bechdel test and Connor reconnects with baby turtles. Join our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5356639204457124/ Go to https://davidprotein.com/BNC to buy four cartons and get the fifth free! Go to https://hellofresh.com/bandc10fm and get ten free meals with a free item for life. Go to https://Quince.com/bandc for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five day returns. Go to https://Dupe.com today and find similar products for less. It’s 100% free to use. Stop wasting money on brand names and start saving with Dupe.com today. B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa Hosted by Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, Created by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, and Produced by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood. 0:00 Perform for Me 0:14 Intro 0:34 Idaho 1:42 Hard to Hear From Your Therapist (Lover) 4:19 Schoolyard Fanfics 6:10 M. A. S. H.: The Movie 9:34 Is Jesse Eisenberg Even Good 12:24 Connor's Turtle Story (No One Cares) 16:54 David Protein 18:46 Hello Fresh 20:54 This Relates To Turtles 24:41 Dysfunctioning Executively 27:31 School Charity Fundraisers: Scam? 30:46 Sleeping In The Principle's Double-Wide 32:25 Crashing Brooke's Teacher's Recital 35:07 Captain or Crew 36:07 So You Haven't Watched VEEP 37:22 Unlicensed Executive Dysfunction Coach 38:44 Brooke's Bashful Book Baggage 42:42 Aquaman Is Born 43:46 Quince 45:29 Dupe 47:08 Ozzy Osbourne 47:46 Brooke Stands By Her Kindle Color 49:04 YOU Put The Alcohol In The Seltzer! 53:04 WireLESS Charging 54:35 Come to the Forcing Party 56:04 Brooke & Connor's 5-Year Anniversary 57:26 Locks Of Love To Locked Up, Love 1:00:44 Connor Discovers The Bechdel Test 1:02:12 Birthday Hinge Date 1:05:33 Hinge Dates With The Friend Group Only 1:08:24 Brooke Did Not Delete Hinge 1:09:58 Knowing Our Fat Disgusting Asses 1:10:47 See You In Bonus!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:31Speaker 01

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• 1:00Connor Wood?

  Are you ready for me to perform for you?

• 1:02Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 1:03Connor Wood?

  Okay. Hey, Brooke.

• 1:05Brooke Averick?

  Hey, Connor.

• 1:07Connor Wood?

  Oh.

• 1:11Connor Wood?

  Where do we even go from here? Where do we start, you know?

• 1:33Connor Wood?

  Hey, guys. Thank you for coming back to Brooke and Connor Make a Podcast. I'm coming to you from the great state of Idaho. Today, my parents are... They're so close to me. They're near and dear to my heart. They are so close that every time when we were recording the ads right before the episode, every time I'd say, "Hey, guys, we're gonna take a quick break." They'd be like, "Oh, are we doing something?" So I need them to leave the house. They're on their way out. They kept responding to everything that we were saying.

• 2:00Brooke Averick?

  Send them my love as they go. Hate to watch them go. Love to watch them leave.

• 2:06Connor Wood?

  You can use code BNC. We can? Where? You guys need to go play pickleball. Where can we use the code?

• 2:15Brooke Averick?

  Pickleball in Idaho?

• 2:16Connor Wood?

  Oh, Lord, yeah.

• 2:17Brooke Averick?

  Wow.

• 2:19Connor Wood?

  It's one of the better places to do pickleball because of the altitude.

• 2:22Brooke Averick?

  I've never been, you know, I like, I don't, I don't have a grasp on the states I haven't been to. It's like object permanence vibes for like, an older woman, like myself.

• 2:32Connor Wood?

  Yeah, you're, you're getting up there too.

• 2:34Brooke Averick?

  I, don't remind me.

• 2:36Connor Wood?

  You're gonna be at your deathbed and be like, I never went to North Dakota.

• 2:41Brooke Averick?

  Idaho. I had a consultation with a new therapist yesterday.

• 2:45Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 2:46Brooke Averick?

  Really loved her, really looking forward to starting our journey together.

• 2:51Brooke Averick?

  And, but she did say, I was like, talking to her about certain things, like on our six minute consultation call, I just got, kind of dove right into it. And I was like, you know, and I just turned 29, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, yeah, it can be so hard to, to age as like a woman. And I was like, ooh.

• 3:06Connor Wood?

  That's how, yeah, you know.

• 3:07Brooke Averick?

  It's like hard to hear that from someone else, you know?

• 3:09Connor Wood?

  Yeah, don't say that.

• 3:10Brooke Averick?

  Like, I know I'm aging, but don't, like, it's hard to hear that from a certified professional.

• 3:15Connor Wood?

  That's not an appropriate response from her.

• 3:17Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 3:18Connor Wood?

  And it's a woman.

• 3:20Brooke Averick?

  Yes, of course.

• 3:22Connor Wood?

  Of course. Maybe, maybe try men. Maybe try men.

• 3:28Brooke Averick?

  Do you, like, 100% honestly see me with a male therapist?

• 3:34Connor Wood?

  No, because I know that you would, you would have the concept of your second novella, and it would be, oops, I fell in love with my caretaker.

• 3:43Brooke Averick?

  That was the premise of the fanfiction I wrote about Dr. Spencer Reed from Criminal Minds.

• 3:49Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 3:50Brooke Averick?

  The premise was basically this girl had a troubled past, and then she went to therapy, and then her therapist was Dr. Spencer Reed, and then they, their attraction to each other was too strong, so he had to dismiss her as a client. Five years later, they're working a case together.

• 4:05Connor Wood?

  Mom, I, mom, you can't, you can't yell right now.

• 4:11Brooke Averick?

  We can't hear her.

• 4:12Connor Wood?

  Oh, I mean, I can't, like, I couldn't hear you, and I wanted to hear.

• 4:15Brooke Averick?

  Wow.

• 4:17Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I, I was thinking, um, hmm, let me think of one, let me think of one, let me think of one.

• 4:22Brooke Averick?

  Of one what? Novella?

• 4:23Connor Wood?

  I'm thinking of another title, I'm thinking of another title, I'm cooking it up.

• 4:28Connor Wood?

  Um.

• 4:32Brooke Averick?

  A title for a novella?

• 4:33Connor Wood?

  Yeah. Break my hip, not my heart.

• 4:39Brooke Averick?

  Did you just think of that?

• 4:40Connor Wood?

  Oh, I'm on it today. Yeah.

• 4:45Brooke Averick?

  Pulling at my hipper strings.

• 4:50Brooke Averick?

  We should collab.

• 4:51Connor Wood?

  No, we really should.

• 4:53Brooke Averick?

  Did I ever tell you about the game I used to play with my, the fanfiction game I used to play with my friends?

• 4:57Connor Wood?

  No.

• 4:58Brooke Averick?

  I think I have, but I'll tell you again. That's something we do a lot.

• 5:00Connor Wood?

  Could always use a refresher. Listen, if you've talked about it and I don't remember, then...

• 5:06Brooke Averick?

  No, you would think like other people might not, but they do. They're like, this is the 16th time we're hearing about this. Sorry, it's the first time for us, so...

• 5:13Connor Wood?

  Sorry, but sorry we talked about Big Tooth twice. It's a good idea. Don't take it.

• 5:16Brooke Averick?

  I think I've explained this a few times, but we would all like come up with names of people we all mutually knew. So it was just like a lot of people from school. And then we would put them in like a hat or a bowl or whatever, mix them up and then pick out like two names. And then we'd have to write a fanfiction about the two people that we drew. So it was usually like, like a weird ass teacher and like your crush or something. It was very fun.

• 5:44Connor Wood?

  Like MASH.

• 5:45Brooke Averick?

  Not, I mean like, that's just what fanfiction is. Yeah, like...

• 5:51Connor Wood?

  It, I mean, that's, it's MASH. You'd be married. It's like, it's, that's like...

• 5:56Brooke Averick?

  No, you can go in any direction with these two people.

• 6:00Connor Wood?

  Oh, well, that, I mean, it's like, yeah, okay.

• 6:02Brooke Averick?

  The story is yours to create.

• 6:06Connor Wood?

  It's a pick your own journey. I see.

• 6:08Brooke Averick?

  It's a total, yeah. Use your, use your brain.

• 6:11Connor Wood?

  I just think that it would turn, mine would turn into something MASH adjacent.

• 6:17Connor Wood?

  Cause it would be like, all right, married, we live in my car, we...

• 6:25Brooke Averick?

  Well, you have to get creative with it.

• 6:28Brooke Averick?

  It's like, oh, like, let's say we pay, like, I'm just making up names like Mr. Thomas and Izzy. Like, Mr. Thomas asked Izzy to stay after class, like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

• 6:42Connor Wood?

  Oh, yeah, I see, I see.

• 6:43Brooke Averick?

  And then like, and then like, whatever type of shit Izzy and Mr. Thomas get into, that's up to that, only you and them. That's between them and your pen.

• 6:53Connor Wood?

  That's patient client confidentiality.

• 6:54Brooke Averick?

  And then we would read, then we would all go in a circle and read them all. And some of them, like, you just can't really, like, on here.

• 7:01Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 7:04Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I mean, you've always been a storyteller at heart, so that makes.

• 7:07Brooke Averick?

  Thank you, I appreciate it.

• 7:08Connor Wood?

  You clock that early with this. They're making a MASH movie, by the way.

• 7:13Brooke Averick?

  Like, based on the game? MASH was also a show.

• 7:17Connor Wood?

  Hmm.

• 7:20Connor Wood?

  Wow.

• 7:21Brooke Averick?

  I don't think it's based on the game.

• 7:22Connor Wood?

  Wait, can we just double check? Because I really, truly think it's based on the game.

• 7:25Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 7:26Connor Wood?

  But like, you, you did Nikki Glaser.

• 7:29Brooke Averick?

  MASH game.

• 7:30Connor Wood?

  Sell, yeah, MASH game.

• 7:31Brooke Averick?

  Is the MASH show based on the MASH game?

• 7:33Connor Wood?

  I think MASH show was a military show.

• 7:36Brooke Averick?

  I feel like it was like a Melrose Place.

• 7:40Brooke Averick?

  Which I also don't really know what that is either. MASH television show is not based on the game. Uh, TV show, uh, itself was based on the novel MASH, uh, the novel about the three army doctors.

• 7:54Connor Wood?

  Oh, military. I mean, it was army.

• 7:57Brooke Averick?

  Very good job.

• 7:58Connor Wood?

  Okay, and Nikki Glaser is doing a show about the game MASH.

• 8:01Brooke Averick?

  Okay, fabulous.

• 8:02Connor Wood?

  Okay. This could be really good. I didn't read this, but it could be really good if she takes it in the way of Jumanji. And like, there's some world where like, they, they're created, they're drawing names and they're creating things, and then like.

• 8:17Brooke Averick?

  Creating their own future.

• 8:18Connor Wood?

  Well, it starts to happen I R L. And then something along the lines goes awry, as things do. And the rest is history. And then, so, no, at the end.

• 8:27Brooke Averick?

  So scary.

• 8:28Connor Wood?

  At the end, someone blinks, he's like, I'm thankful, I'm thankful, I'm thankful. And then they blink, and then it's all normal again.

• 8:35Brooke Averick?

  Yes, I love those Disney Channel movies. But this will be so good, because when you play MASH, do you include, like, horrible options as well?

• 8:42Connor Wood?

  Yeah, you have to, it's part of it.

• 8:43Brooke Averick?

  That's like, oh my god, like, I have a sinking feeling in my gut, thinking about, like, my most horrible MASH coming to life.

• 8:51Connor Wood?

  Well, luckily it doesn't have to. What's the premise of, what's the premise of this?

• 8:55Brooke Averick?

  The features build a sliding door style comedy.

• 8:57Connor Wood?

  Yeah, totally, whatever that means.

• 8:59Brooke Averick?

  Storytelling game from grade school. Oh my god, that's gonna be good.

• 9:02Connor Wood?

  It's gonna be really good. Everything, everything Nikki touches turns to gold.

• 9:06Brooke Averick?

  What's your like, go to like horrible option for yourself for a place you live?

• 9:15Connor Wood?

  Probably with my roommates when I first moved to LA.

• 9:18Brooke Averick?

  That's good.

• 9:20Connor Wood?

  Uh, just like I'm, I'm building from experience. If I was to pick something that like, I absolutely would not want to live. I don't want to say because there's people that live everywhere and enjoy it and I don't want to yuck someone's yum.

• 9:31Brooke Averick?

  I'm gonna yuck someone's yum. It's, although I, I don't think that this will be someone's yum. It's the Warren Towers dorm. Tower B at Boston University.

• 9:42Connor Wood?

  Yeah, no, I don't think that that will be someone's yum.

• 9:45Brooke Averick?

  And if it is, like, wow. Power to you.

• 9:48Connor Wood?

  I would not want to live underground, like in general.

• 9:51Brooke Averick?

  And that's fair to say.

• 9:52Connor Wood?

  I think that living underground is not for me, but I think that there are people that probably live underground.

• 9:58Brooke Averick?

  I do love books where it's like, whoa, they were underground the whole time. And they didn't know.

• 10:04Connor Wood?

  Like a-

• 10:04Brooke Averick?

  Did you hear the high speed chase happening outside of our studio?

• 10:08Connor Wood?

  No.

• 10:09Brooke Averick?

  Okay. I'm trying not to get distracted by it. It is pretty high speed. Pretty high speed and intense.

• 10:16Connor Wood?

  You can't even go, like, the speed limit over there is like 35.

• 10:20Brooke Averick?

  No, I don't understand what's happening. It's, it's died down, but before that, there was like an ice cream truck.

• 10:26Connor Wood?

  Maybe it's some sort of heist.

• 10:28Brooke Averick?

  Maybe. I hope the ice cream truck is, is not involved in the chase.

• 10:33Connor Wood?

  There's, it is the season of me watching heist movies. That could be something that, that for me, that that's something I'm experiencing. There is nothing quite like a heist.

• 10:42Brooke Averick?

  I never got into that type of stuff.

• 10:44Connor Wood?

  I mean, I think some of them are the dumbest things in the world. There's one with, who's the guy from the Facebook movie? Jesse Eisenberg?

• 10:52Brooke Averick?

  Jesse Eisenberg.

• 10:53Connor Wood?

  Okay, so.

• 10:54Brooke Averick?

  The Facebook movie.

• 10:55Connor Wood?

  Like, say whatever you will about Jesse Eisenberg, like, I'm never gonna be able to watch a movie and be like, this is like phenomenal.

• 11:03Brooke Averick?

  Why?

• 11:04Connor Wood?

  I, I, I, I can't, I can't. I don't know what it is.

• 11:07Brooke Averick?

  Were you not having that thought when you watched The Social Network?

• 11:09Connor Wood?

  No, like, I literally, I, I just wanna like be, I wanna like leave the room when he's there. It feels like I'm in, I'm doing like a survey for money, and like, he's just like one of the people that's there, and like, I, I am like, oh, this is someone I need to get away from.

• 11:22Brooke Averick?

  Oh, wow. I feel pretty much the opposite.

• 11:25Connor Wood?

  That's, I mean, that tracks, honestly, with you and I, but the funniest thing ever is when he's, he's in a card game movie, when he has to like throw these cards and like toss these, these cards around, and I'm just like.

• 11:36Brooke Averick?

  Is that now you see me?

• 11:37Connor Wood?

  Yeah, it's like, one of the,

• 11:41Connor Wood?

  what, like, it's one of the, I have to reenact this for a TikTok with people, like, this is, it's one of the biggest, funniest things that ever makes me laugh, and it's supposed to be like this really sick, incredible, like, action-packed movie, and I'm like, they're tossing like a card, and it's going into Jesse Eisenberg's sleeve, and it's going across his back and then out his other sleeve, and he grabs it with his two fingers, and he's like, "Looking for this?" And I'm like, "What are you doing? Put that card back where it came from."

• 12:07Brooke Averick?

  Do you like the classic, like, Delaney Rowe POV?

• 12:09Connor Wood?

  No, I want to. Oh, I need, I need to text her. Um, that would be a good one for, for her, too.

• 12:16Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, that's funny.

• 12:17Connor Wood?

  Oh, my god, it makes me queef. That's like one of the funniest scenes in any movie, and it's supposed to be so serious, but it's so funny. Oh, Jesse.

• 12:27Brooke Averick?

  It's hysterical.

• 12:28Connor Wood?

  He had his shirt tucked in.

• 12:29Brooke Averick?

  I haven't seen this movie because I don't like these kinds of movies, but maybe I'll try it.

• 12:34Connor Wood?

  I think you should. You might come out of that movie being like, this is my new card game heist, we're stealing from a bank, we're stealing from the bank, we're stealing from the casino.

• 12:43Brooke Averick?

  Have I seen Jesse Eisenberg in anything but The Social Network? That's a good question.

• 12:48Connor Wood?

  Juno.

• 12:49Brooke Averick?

  Nope.

• 12:50Connor Wood?

  Yeah, he's in Juno.

• 12:52Brooke Averick?

  It's Michael Sarah.

• 12:58Brooke Averick?

  Haven't seen Real Pain. I have not seen Jesse Eisenberg in anything besides The Social Network.

• 13:05Connor Wood?

  And The Social Network-

• 13:06Brooke Averick?

  Like, one of my favorites.

• 13:07Connor Wood?

  Social Network did it for you, is what you're saying?

• 13:09Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. Oh, he was in The Village? I haven't seen that, but that's good to know.

• 13:15Brooke Averick?

  No, I don't think I've seen Jesse Eisenberg in anything. Thank you, though. I love the guy.

• 13:20Connor Wood?

  You do. You always have.

• 13:22Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, one of my... my tops.

• 13:24Connor Wood?

  Do you want to hear the craziest thing? Ever?

• 13:28Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 13:29Connor Wood?

  Okay, this is a long story, and no one's really...

• 13:33Connor Wood?

  Cared... So far.

• 13:37Brooke Averick?

  That's like the most amazing way to preface it. I'm so excited. Please get started.

• 13:43Connor Wood?

  I hope you're sitting down. This is a horrible story. And let's start from the top.

• 13:50Brooke Averick?

  Don't be afraid to tell us all the details.

• 13:54Connor Wood?

  I'm gonna tell you all the details. They're long, they're unnecessary. I'm gonna say it. I can't... I've had, by the way, four separate people, all blood-related. They've... I've opened their phones.

• 14:07Brooke Averick?

  I'm gonna... then I'm gonna chomp on my David protein bar.

• 14:10Connor Wood?

  Chomp on your David protein bar?

• 14:11Brooke Averick?

  While you tell us.

• 14:12Connor Wood?

  If you feel the need to jump in and ask any details, or maybe you have some insight on any part, let me know.

• 14:17Brooke Averick?

  Let's... let's get started on it.

• 14:20Connor Wood?

  Okay, so-

• 14:20Brooke Averick?

  I'm looking at the clock to see how long it is, just out of curiosity.

• 14:23Connor Wood?

  Okay.

• 14:24Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 14:25Connor Wood?

  That's fair.

• 14:25Brooke Averick?

  Hold on, start in 10 seconds.

• 14:26Connor Wood?

  Okay. And it's gonna be 10. And then, you know what happens after 8, 7, you know, and then there is-

• 14:33Brooke Averick?

  Okay, just go, and I can round.

• 14:34Connor Wood?

  Okay. So basically-

• 14:36Brooke Averick?

  Perfect. It's been 10 seconds. It's perfect.

• 14:37Connor Wood?

  Monday... Monday night, I... Got... I like got in bed, and I... I was tossing and turning. I probably got... like, went to bed at 10, probably got two full hours of sleep. In those two full hours of sleep, I had one long dream where I signed a really horrible lease, and I... the apartment was crap. I don't know where this location was. I thought it was New York, but like, it was unclear. And it was infested with baby turtles. And I... they were crawling inside of my walls, and I was just like, "Okay, I'm just gonna go to sleep. I'm so tired. I can't deal with these baby turtles right now. Whatever." I wake up in the morning, they're nowhere to be found. I'm like, oh my gosh, like why, like how stupid.

• 15:18Brooke Averick?

  Wait, are you still in the dream?

• 15:20Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 15:20Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 15:21Connor Wood?

  I'm so stupid. Like, how could I, why would I not just take them out while I was up and I was able-bodied? Like, I should have just taken them out. Anyways, the next night, so I go, I like, I end up just being like, oh my gosh, they're dead and like, it's my fault that all these baby turtles died. The next night, I can't sleep tossing, turning, you name it.

• 15:46Brooke Averick?

  Wait, sorry, you're still in the dream?

• 15:48Connor Wood?

  No, this is my next day physically.

• 15:50Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 15:51Connor Wood?

  It's hard when you're talking about dreams. That's why Inception was such a long movie.

• 15:55Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 15:56Connor Wood?

  So, I go back to bed. This is in real life. I go back to bed. I sign a lease. I sign, I sign a lease. What's in this building? Open the door. 400 baby turtles.

• 16:13Brooke Averick?

  You're so back. You were so back.

• 16:15Connor Wood?

  You're so back. This is my second chance to get them to a pond. And I go to pick one up.

• 16:22Brooke Averick?

  Were you lucid at all?

• 16:24Connor Wood?

  No, like, no, no. I wish I was.

• 16:28Brooke Averick?

  But in the dream, were you like, I, this has, you were aware of your past dream as if you were experiencing that in the same life?

• 16:34Connor Wood?

  It was like I jumped back into it and I was like, oh my gosh.

• 16:38Brooke Averick?

  Hey, let's jump right back into it.

• 16:40Connor Wood?

  Let's get back to where we left it, you know, so I, I'm here, it is a different apartment this time and I'm like, okay, this layout I like better. But I still don't like all of these turtles in my house. Like, this is like a strange thing. That's like one of those things where it's like, two times for that to happen is like not that many, but it is weird that it happened twice.

• 16:59Brooke Averick?

  Right.

• 16:59Connor Wood?

  And so then I, I pick up one of these.

• 17:00Brooke Averick?

  I find a nickel.

• 17:02Connor Wood?

  I pick up one of these turtles and it was like, not a turtle. It was like, it was cute. It was cute from far, but far from cute. And I pick it up and I get a closer look. It has like the face of. Like a, like a snake. Roll the dice. And then it had like the tail of a scorpion. And I go, oh, I am gonna help you guys just cuz that's, I have a, I have a pure heart. So I go and I collect them. And I have a bag of these baby turtles now. And I'm walking around my new neighborhood. It was unclear to me. It had, it had, it had essences of being back in Austin, but it wasn't Austin. It was weird. And I'm looking for a body of water and I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking.

• 17:47Connor Wood?

  And then I look and I'm like, completely inland for no, like I've never been so inland and there's no bodies of water. Then I wake up.

• 17:55Speaker 00

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• 18:54Connor Wood?

  The next day.

• 18:57Connor Wood?

  And this is yesterday. Wait, day before yesterday. I go on a run. I've never, I've never run in Central Park in my life. This is in my real life. I go run Central Park. I'm killing it, to be frank. I'm, I'm just really crushing. Now. I did realize at the end of my run that I was running on a one-way running path. And I thought it was really cool. I was like, oh, I'm the only one going this way. Worst looks I've ever gotten in my life. Like, I'm humiliated. I like, don't know if I can go back to Central Park. But I found a lake at Central Park, which like, everyone's gonna laugh at me because they're like, yeah, that is like, probably what it was built around or something. I don't know my facts, okay? I don't know what it's even called, probably Central Park Lake.

• 19:38Connor Wood?

  But I was like, oh my God, how weird I had those two dreams where I was looking for a place to, like, rehome these turtles. And look, I found it. And now that's gonna be my new place where I run. So last night was my third restless night of sleeping. Okay, now I'm in Idaho. It's cold out. I have my window open. Like, there's no reason I shouldn't be sleeping bad. I go to sleep. I lay down. I begin to hear noises. I start to think, like, Max is sleeping downstairs. I start to think like, okay, if someone came in, at least there's a dog downstairs. Now, someone has come in when Max is, when I, when Max has lived with me. Let's remember how he greeted the first person that broke into my house while I was in Venice Beach.

• 20:17Connor Wood?

  Went up, tail lagging, guy pets him, allows the man into my house. Like, I didn't even know there was ever a guy in the house. And Max, like, was no help at all. Didn't bark, made no noise. So then I'm like, oh, that actually makes me feel worse that he's down there because like, he will lead. He'll be like, oh, like, let me show you where,

• 20:35Brooke Averick?

  Let me show you around.

• 20:35Connor Wood?

  Where everyone is.

• 20:36Brooke Averick?

  Do you ever keep this to everything?

• 20:37Connor Wood?

  Yeah. So finally, like, I keep thinking I hear footsteps throughout the night. I go to, again, I was in bed at 10:00. At 12:30, I get up. Because I was like, I might as well just pee. Like, I'm still wide awake. Get up to pee. I go back to bed. I hear footsteps when I got in bed. I go, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no. All of a sudden, boom, Max jumps on my bed and lays with me. And I go, okay, this is like cute. He never sleeps in the same bed. I fall asleep soundly, finally, okay? I wake up to the loudest firework bang of my life, like a bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And I go, oh, shit. I sit up straight in my bed. I go, Max, Max, where are you, Max? Silence. Silence.

• 21:20Brooke Averick?

  He started?

• 21:21Connor Wood?

  No. He, he rolled off the bed, upside down, wedged in between the wall and the bed. And he's just laying upside down. I go, oh, my God, he died.

• 21:35Connor Wood?

  Max's dad and he's laying like a turtle on its shell.

• 21:40Connor Wood?

  I'm like, oh my God, I had to pick him up by his wrist. Plop him up, he's fine.

• 21:44Brooke Averick?

  Is that the connection to the turtles?

• 21:45Connor Wood?

  I don't know what the connection is. I'm trying, I'm seeking a connection. I'm out here.

• 21:49Brooke Averick?

  There's no way that this isn't ending with like a turtle popping up in your room in Idaho.

• 21:54Connor Wood?

  Well, listen, I like, I'm just letting you guys know, like, watch this space. I wouldn't, I don't think there's a non, I think there's a non-zero chance that like, there could be a turtle that I come across today.

• 22:06Brooke Averick?

  Okay, we will keep our eyes peeled. Thank you so much.

• 22:11Connor Wood?

  Uh, you think that that?

• 22:12Brooke Averick?

  Max okay?

• 22:13Connor Wood?

  He was 100% fine. I was like, why didn't you move or call, cry out for help or? Anything. He's upside down wedged in between the bed and the wall.

• 22:21Brooke Averick?

  Can I give you honest feedback on your story?

• 22:23Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 22:24Brooke Averick?

  I really enjoyed the parts about the turtles and your dreams.

• 22:29Connor Wood?

  Okay.

• 22:29Brooke Averick?

  I'm, I'm just struggling with some of the connections.

• 22:32Connor Wood?

  Well, I'm just, the connection was that they're all related to me sleeping, so.

• 22:36Brooke Averick?

  Okay, thank you.

• 22:38Connor Wood?

  And I've been having trouble sleeping. Which brings me to my next point.

• 22:42Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 22:42Connor Wood?

  So I was talking about my therapist last week and you were like,

• 22:45Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 22:45Connor Wood?

  Uh, you were saying like, oh, that's, that's what therapists do. They just tell you, like, do it. Someone, so someone has come into the chat. And this is how life has worked for you and I. For, for since we started this podcast is like, normalize changing your course of action as you learn new information.

• 23:03Brooke Averick?

  Completely.

• 23:04Connor Wood?

  And I think that's true for everyone. I have now, I think I've learned something. Someone said, I don't think, actually several people said this. I'm receptive. I don't think you need a therapist. What I think you need is, I wrote this down. You need an ADHD specific executive dysfunction coach.

• 23:23Brooke Averick?

  Honestly, that sounds great.

• 23:28Connor Wood?

  Hi, I'm, I'm, I'm dysfunctioning executively.

• 23:34Connor Wood?

  Like from a very high level dysfunction.

• 23:37Brooke Averick?

  Hello.

• 23:38Connor Wood?

  Hi all, hello.

• 23:40Brooke Averick?

  Hello, so good to see you.

• 23:42Connor Wood?

  Hello, it stresses me out to get up to brush my teeth. How are you?

• 23:47Brooke Averick?

  I love that idea.

• 23:48Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 23:49Brooke Averick?

  I think you could do it in tandem with therapy, though, and deal with like, maybe just like different stuff in therapy.

• 23:54Connor Wood?

  Yeah, maybe.

• 23:57Brooke Averick?

  But let's get started with the executive functioning coach.

• 23:59Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I think so too. I don't, I just like, I just feel like now I'm like, I just found a therapist and it's like, okay, let me get started. Let me start flipping over rocks, try to find a coach, like, where are they?

• 24:10Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 24:11Connor Wood?

  Do coaches, do executive dysfunction coaches walk among us?

• 24:14Brooke Averick?

  Have you tried Google?

• 24:16Connor Wood?

  No.

• 24:17Brooke Averick?

  We could start there.

• 24:18Connor Wood?

  High level ADHD coaching. Wow, am I four years old? I feel like I'm again being put in like a little class and they're like, this is for gifted and talented, which really truly meant like, you guys are dysfunctioning at an executive level.

• 24:33Brooke Averick?

  More of like the executive level.

• 24:35Connor Wood?

  You're actually gonna take your test in with all of the teachers during their lunch break? And that's a huge, not many people get to do that.

• 24:44Brooke Averick?

  People get to take their tests in the closet by the cafeteria, but you do.

• 24:48Connor Wood?

  You're kidding? And I get double the time? That's cool.

• 24:51Brooke Averick?

  Wow, what a treat.

• 24:52Connor Wood?

  Yeah, that's like being brought into the VIP bottle section at a club now. It's like, oh yeah, I'll be in, I'll be in the janitor closet taking my test. You guys enjoy.

• 25:02Brooke Averick?

  It really was as cool as like having crutches, though.

• 25:05Connor Wood?

  Yeah, it was like, I do get an extra hour, so suck on my nuts. Yeah, it was great.

• 25:11Brooke Averick?

  Have I ever told you about the guy that screamed suck my dick to our teacher after he got a math problem right?

• 25:18Brooke Averick?

  That's the end of the story.

• 25:19Connor Wood?

  That was me.

• 25:20Brooke Averick?

  He just got so excited. It was tough because she was like, I got, I mean, like, I have to send you to the principal. And he was just like, yeah.

• 25:27Connor Wood?

  Yeah, you should.

• 25:28Brooke Averick?

  It slipped out. She was like, totally get it, but.

• 25:32Connor Wood?

  I went on, I went on Grace Ryder's podcast recently and we were talking about this. It was the day that I was like, I'm so sick and I took every test under the man, under the man.

• 25:44Brooke Averick?

  Under Big Brother.

• 25:45Connor Wood?

  I, I, I, I rolled this huge guy over and I took every test that was underneath him.

• 25:50Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 25:51Connor Wood?

  And one of them was, I had COVID, no, like all these things, no. So I was like, okay, I guess I can go do, like, if I'm not, if I just have a cold, like, I'll just let them know and I'll go do this podcast so that she doesn't have to panic day of and like, cancel, I don't know, you know? So I go, I could barely, I, I sound like chocolate. I have, I was selling chocolate. Still have remnants of it.

• 26:16Connor Wood?

  We were talking about when we used to do, did you do fundraisers in like grade school?

• 26:23Brooke Averick?

  Like what, like a lemonade stand?

• 26:25Connor Wood?

  No, like we would do for the school, this was like a school sanctioned fundraiser that would be like, during Christmas, we'd sell Christmas wreaths. And then during like off season, we'd sell buckets, tubs of cookie dough. And then similar to like how Girl Scouts sell cookies.

• 26:44Brooke Averick?

  I remember something with pies.

• 26:46Connor Wood?

  Yeah, there was probably a pie, I think, I know, there was like one more cinnamon rolls, I think were one.

• 26:53Connor Wood?

  And people did buy like the cookie dough cinnamon rolls.

• 26:55Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 26:56Connor Wood?

  The wreaths, it was like, all right, like we could grab one of, we don't, but, but I can't remember like, we, I was, we were talking about this and I was like, oh yeah, we all did that. And the prize would be a frisbee, you know, you'd sell $250 and you'd get like one of those big as seen on TV frisbees. Or like a jump rope, I can't remember what you would get. And then she brought up a good point. That was not ever for charity, like where did the money, who were raising money for? Because the school wasn't manufacturing the cookie dough or the Christmas wreaths. Was there like a third party that was involved that we were like raising money?

• 27:33Brooke Averick?

  I'm sure they just donated it to whatever charity they were raising money for.

• 27:37Connor Wood?

  I don't remember there being a charitable aspect.

• 27:40Brooke Averick?

  You think they were just like buying rea- is it reefs or wreaths?

• 27:45Connor Wood?

  T H. You just know, you know, I can't say my T H is.

• 27:48Brooke Averick?

  No, it's not you. It's me.

• 27:49Connor Wood?

  Wreaths.

• 27:51Brooke Averick?

  They were just buying wreaths and then up selling them and then just maybe like, I don't know, maybe they were like putting it towards the P T I or something.

• 27:58Connor Wood?

  I don't.

• 27:59Brooke Averick?

  Who the hell knows? I wasn't there.

• 28:01Connor Wood?

  So I just, I wanna, oh yeah, I know you, you weren't doing this, but do you wanna hear what the prize for my-

• 28:04Brooke Averick?

  Sorry, that thing came out like so harsh. I didn't mean it like that at all.

• 28:08Connor Wood?

  No, I mean, if anyone has any answers to this, this was a, this is a Texas thing and everyone in Texas did do this. It's like, I can't figure out, like, I was like, where was the, who are we raising money for? It's, cause it, it reminded me of like, when you go to C V S or something and it's like, do you wanna donate? Round up to donate to St. Jude. And it's like, that's a, when you donate via the little machine right there, C V S gets a tax write-off for that.

• 28:34Brooke Averick?

  I know. You told me that.

• 28:35Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 28:36Brooke Averick?

  Now I always feel bad clicking no.

• 28:38Connor Wood?

  I mean, they've started to just click no for people. Cause it's just like, we know, like people have caught on that this is like a corporate greed situation. But anyways, do you wanna hear what my little sister's prize for winning her fundraiser was?

• 28:53Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 28:54Connor Wood?

  She won hers and the grand prize was she got to spend the night, her and two friends at her principal's house.

• 29:06Connor Wood?

  And her, and her, I think-

• 29:07Brooke Averick?

  Like sleepover?

• 29:08Connor Wood?

  Yep. I believe it was like a, like a double wide and she had a, it was like, that was the prize. And my sister, I remember she was really stoked on this. And I'm thinking about that. I think, I think about that often. It comes up, it comes across my mind that everyone was like, that is really epic and sweet that that principal, like I was able to offer her space and her time to host three eight-year-olds. It was a, it was, it was, it was like a wom- a wo- a woman. I almost called her a woman, like plural. It was a woman. She was tall. It was like a woman. But, um, yeah. So it wasn't like crazy weird, but it is like, do you think maybe we could do a gift card?

• 29:52Brooke Averick?

  No, I look back at so many things from growing up and I'm like, that was weird.

• 29:59Brooke Averick?

  It's, it's like, it makes sense that I didn't clock it because I was a kid. Where were everyone's parents?

• 30:04Connor Wood?

  Like, it's almost, it's almost gonna fall back on that thing that people always say that I'm like, "Well, no." But it like, might have been a different time to where it was like, "Oh yeah, like, it's saving the school money. That's great." Because like, the kids are stoked to go spend the night at the principal's house, like, but like now, it's like, "No, you're not, we're not doing that. We're not doing all that right now at the principal's house."

• 30:27Brooke Averick?

  You know about my, uh, teacher's dance recital?

• 30:31Connor Wood?

  I can't, I can't say like, off the top of my head.

• 30:33Brooke Averick?

  I definitely told this on Obsessed. I don't know if I ever told you. But in 5th grade, we had a teacher that we were like, so obsessed with. Because she was just like, the coolest person, we thought. I don't really remember her.

• 30:46Connor Wood?

  I love the subtle foreshadowing of "we thought."

• 30:49Brooke Averick?

  Well, I don't actually remember her pretty well. She may have been. But I just remember being obsessed with her. And, you know, we would "I am" and stuff like that, which like, it's already like, probably shouldn't be doing that.

• 31:01Connor Wood?

  Hello?

• 31:01Brooke Averick?

  Like that. And we were able to find out that she had a dance recital somewhere in Jersey. So we got our parents to take us in three minivans full of kids to surprise our teacher at her dance recital. And it was a pole dancing recital.

• 31:25Brooke Averick?

  And we were 10.

• 31:27Connor Wood?

  And you sat through it? No, parents found out. They're like, "Oh."

• 31:30Brooke Averick?

  Thanks. Literally, and like, it wasn't, like, that's a great way to express yourself. It was like, a little bit racy, for sure. In like, a pretty big way.

• 31:42Connor Wood?

  Uh, how?

• 31:42Brooke Averick?

  Uh, and like, not a lot of like, clothing or anything like that, which is awesome and fine and good. We were like, pretty young, and that was our teacher. But at the end, we were just like, "Hell yeah." And she was like, "Thank you guys so much for coming." And we were like, "Hey, we wouldn't, we would not frickin' miss it."

• 31:59Connor Wood?

  How'd you find out like, where it was and stuff?

• 32:02Brooke Averick?

  Like, I mean, we just like, Googled her obsessively.

• 32:06Connor Wood?

  How old were you?

• 32:07Brooke Averick?

  10?

• 32:08Connor Wood?

  Yeah, wow. I can't believe it wasn't-

• 32:10Brooke Averick?

  That's the thing, I look back and I'm like, "Why were our parents like, 'Yeah, let's go ambush her.'"

• 32:18Connor Wood?

  Well, and the venue is not 18 plus also, like I just want to fly.

• 32:22Brooke Averick?

  No, it was at like a high school, not like a some sort of auditorium.

• 32:26Connor Wood?

  Wow, I don't know what's going on in Philly, so.

• 32:30Brooke Averick?

  Well, this was across the river in Jersey, so.

• 32:33Connor Wood?

  Oh, well, never mind, like that makes sense.

• 32:36Brooke Averick?

  Anything goes.

• 32:38Connor Wood?

  Anything goes in Jersey.

• 32:39Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I'm wondering how she is.

• 32:42Connor Wood?

  I'm sure she's in great shape.

• 32:44Brooke Averick?

  She was hot.

• 32:45Connor Wood?

  She was hot, but it takes so much core to do to be on the pole in a.

• 32:50Brooke Averick?

  I know that.

• 32:51Connor Wood?

  In a like long form way.

• 32:54Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 32:54Connor Wood?

  If you're creating content collaborating in a long form type of way vertically on the pole. Oh, not even to mention horizontally.

• 33:01Brooke Averick?

  I mean, her core strength.

• 33:02Connor Wood?

  Yeah, the core strength is out of is otherworldly.

• 33:05Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, now I bet she's in great shape.

• 33:08Connor Wood?

  Okay, if you were a pirate,

• 33:13Connor Wood?

  would you want to be the captain or would you be happy being part of the crew?

• 33:19Brooke Averick?

  More than happy being part of the crew.

• 33:20Connor Wood?

  I knew that you would say that.

• 33:22Brooke Averick?

  I never, there's nothing that I can think of that I will need to lead.

• 33:29Connor Wood?

  Yeah, see, the thing about me is I don't want to be the captain. Because if I'm wrong about something, I don't want the accountability to fall on me. I'm like, oh, I feel like there's land this way. And we get there and it was like, it was actually to the right.

• 33:41Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 33:43Connor Wood?

  And like everyone finds out and it's like, I would like to be close in the captain's circle.

• 33:48Brooke Averick?

  Do you want to be his right hand?

• 33:50Connor Wood?

  Not so much his right hand, but I want to be like someone that a captain would come to and be like, what do you think about this? Like, you know, and I'd be like, I think that, I think that the, I think that the, I think that you could be completely right or you could be wrong, you know, like I think that there's two things. Like that advisor to Veep, I was like, there's many things to consider all the time. Remember her in the show?

• 34:18Brooke Averick?

  No, I never watched Veep.

• 34:20Connor Wood?

  Brooke, what are you do- like, there's so many things that I have, I've, I've put on your desk is like a, like an offering to you. That's like tied up, so neat. This, this show is-

• 34:30Brooke Averick?

  What else have you put on my desk with, as an offering to me?

• 34:33Connor Wood?

  I can't, I can't, nothing's coming to mind right now, but there are things and they will come back up, I'm sure. But Veep is just like-

• 34:39Brooke Averick?

  I can't watch TV anymore. I'm really serious.

• 34:43Connor Wood?

  Oh, I mean, it was, it's such a gift. Like, I can't, like, it is, it's, and it's, it's honestly, you're leaving a lot on the table, not having watched Veep. Like, you're missing a lot of really important cultural moments.

• 34:55Brooke Averick?

  I believe it. I believe it.

• 34:57Connor Wood?

  Especially in the, the current climate.

• 34:59Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I believe it. Maybe once I'm done writing, I can get back into TV.

• 35:03Connor Wood?

  Yeah. It's good background noise, too. Like, it's, there's, there's, there's a plot, but it's like an okay show to like not have on for the plot.

• 35:11Brooke Averick?

  I can't, sorry, I yawned. I can't do, um, shows that I haven't seen as background noise.

• 35:18Connor Wood?

  Oh. Well, my executive dysfunction-

• 35:21Brooke Averick?

  That's why it's always the same show that's on.

• 35:24Connor Wood?

  My executive dysfunction show, or, coach will be delighted to know that I'm able to have not only a new show on, but a podcast on while I'm on my laptop.

• 35:33Brooke Averick?

  Oh, my God, I can't wait to have your executive dysfunction coach on the pod.

• 35:36Connor Wood?

  That's gonna be fun. I wonder if they have to sign HIPAA, because it really doesn't sound like someone who has a medical degree.

• 35:42Brooke Averick?

  No, I don't think, I don't think it is.

• 35:44Connor Wood?

  Is it gonna be, is it gonna-

• 35:45Brooke Averick?

  Why would they need a medical degree?

• 35:47Connor Wood?

  Is it gonna end up being like-

• 35:50Brooke Averick?

  I don't think it's gonna be like psychiat- psychologist.

• 35:53Connor Wood?

  I'm gonna get a executive dysfunction coach and they're gonna be like, "Just do it."

• 35:57Brooke Averick?

  No, it's gonna be like Mel Robbins, probably, where it's like,

• 36:00Connor Wood?

  Oh, Jesus, eh.

• 36:01Brooke Averick?

  You know, a, a doctor, and then it's like, "Wait, you just made this up."

• 36:05Connor Wood?

  Wait, why are you popping my back?

• 36:07Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. Anyway, nothing against Mel Robbins at all.

• 36:11Connor Wood?

  No, love her to death. I actually, my grandma's reading her book right now. Mimi's downstairs-

• 36:16Brooke Averick?

  Really?

• 36:17Connor Wood?

  Mimi's downstairs reading Let Them.

• 36:18Brooke Averick?

  Oh, my God, is she loving it?

• 36:20Connor Wood?

  I should ask. I'll ask. I started reading-

• 36:23Brooke Averick?

  Mimi read a lot?

• 36:25Connor Wood?

  Yeah, oh god, yeah.

• 36:26Brooke Averick?

  Oh my god, I wish she would get a good reads.

• 36:28Connor Wood?

  Um, I'll tell her to.

• 36:31Brooke Averick?

  Please do.

• 36:32Connor Wood?

  She's really excited about your book. She's like, oh, I cannot wait. Like, I'm kind of out of-

• 36:35Brooke Averick?

  Oh, that's stressing me out due to, I was telling you yesterday.

• 36:38Connor Wood?

  Yeah, but-

• 36:39Brooke Averick?

  Just considering.

• 36:40Connor Wood?

  Well, don't worry. And also, my mom was right there and was like, I cannot wait. Like, this is gonna be so fun.

• 36:46Brooke Averick?

  I was telling Connor yesterday, um, I've gotten to the point of the book, which I'm really loving, where it's like a, a romance now, like a full romance. And I'm having to write scenes that like, I really am like, whoo, like, just kind of like, it's very steamy almost even. Not even like smutty, but like more like steamy. And I just, like, as I'm writing them, just like can't stop thinking about like, my uncle reading them, or like Pop-Up, or now Mimi, and just like the teachers that I've had.

• 37:18Connor Wood?

  Well, it's so important when you're in, and when you're in situations like that, to think about some of the greatest artists of all time. Sydney Sweeney always has her boobs out. And she said, she said her grandma said that I have the nicest rack in Hollywood right now. And like, that's gonna be what your family members, your old peers are gonna say about you, that Brooke, Brooke's Fiction, in Brooke's Fiction book, like, geez, that girl can lay some pipe.

• 37:49Brooke Averick?

  But here's, like, Sydney's rack is out because there's a director saying, take your rack out.

• 37:55Connor Wood?

  I think that sometimes she calls that shot, but yeah.

• 37:57Brooke Averick?

  You think she's calling the shots?

• 37:58Connor Wood?

  I don't know.

• 37:59Brooke Averick?

  But like, whatever she's doing, like, that requires her rack to be out, like, that's written, that's coming from somebody else's brain usually. This is coming straight from the dome of my viewing, which I'm not like, I just, I, I feel very conscious of that.

• 38:19Connor Wood?

  Yeah, no, you're valid. The first time my parents came to my show and I said the word pussy and I made contact with my mom, that was something that like-

• 38:27Brooke Averick?

  And what did your mom, did your mom have anything to say about dropping the pee mom?

• 38:31Connor Wood?

  No, like, there's so much else that sandwiches these moments and that like-

• 38:39Connor Wood?

  Those things don't stick with them. They're just like, oh, that was such a great piece altogether. Like, that was such a fun. For think of it in terms of like, they go see a comedy show. That evening was so fun. They're gonna say, this book was so good. They're not gonna say, that excerpt, wow. Like.

• 38:55Brooke Averick?

  I don't, I know, but it's just like, thinking, I can, I just see it in my mind's eye, them digesting those words. And it makes me physically ill. And I don't know how like, people that write real smut do it.

• 39:10Connor Wood?

  They probably don't have any living family.

• 39:14Brooke Averick?

  No, Sarah J. Maas gave this interview that was like, her mother-in-law was like, wow, so how much of this is based off of you and my, and my son?

• 39:23Connor Wood?

  Why don't you ask her? I know she, she's in your Rolodex somewhere.

• 39:27Brooke Averick?

  Sarah?

• 39:28Connor Wood?

  Yeah, she has to be.

• 39:29Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I don't have a line of communication with her. If I do, that would be dangerous.

• 39:33Connor Wood?

  She's one click away, I'm sure. One degree away.

• 39:36Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, let me know if, if you guys like, write like, smut or sex scenes or whatever, and like, let me know how you navigate like, people in your life, like, reading those.

• 39:46Connor Wood?

  Yeah, that'll be, I'm sure you'll get some very normal, healthy inbounds from offering that line of com.

• 39:53Brooke Averick?

  I'm sure I will.

• 39:56Connor Wood?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 39:56Brooke Averick?

  Very excited about it. And that's just where I am right now. It's, it's something that I'm going through and everything like that. Even just like, people who watch the podcast and like,

• 40:11Brooke Averick?

  I don't, I don't know.

• 40:12Connor Wood?

  I don't know about that. Why do you listen to this? There are people that listen to the podcast where I'm like, you do?

• 40:18Brooke Averick?

  No, not that. I'm thinking about them reading it. I'm just like, you know, like, who I am and it's just like, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, Connor. It doesn't matter.

• 40:29Connor Wood?

  You gotta think of it as a whole. I mean, think of it, just separate the art from the artist.

• 40:35Brooke Averick?

  Yep, it don't matter. It's all good. It's not stressing me out.

• 40:40Connor Wood?

  No, I wouldn't, I would never stress you out with that. Did you hear Trisha Paytas named her newborn baby Aquaman?

• 40:48Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I did. What are your immediate thoughts?

• 40:51Connor Wood?

  My immediate thoughts are like, yeah. My second immediate thought is nickname would be, you said Aqua, I say it's Manny.

• 41:00Brooke Averick?

  She said that the nurse, I thought it was gonna be Aqua and I was like, that's fine. And then she said that the nurse like said something Aqua and Trish was like, I very proudly corrected her. And said, it's Aquaman. I'm just like thinking about her, this third grade teacher doing roll call. Aquaman Hackman Paytas?

• 41:18Connor Wood?

  Present.

• 41:20Brooke Averick?

  I mean, it's just like, what can you do?

• 41:23Connor Wood?

  Also, she-

• 41:24Brooke Averick?

  Aquaman Moses Paytas Hackman, excuse me. Excuse me.

• 41:27Connor Wood?

  She proudly corrected you?

• 41:29Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 41:29Connor Wood?

  I-

• 41:31Brooke Averick?

  She makes cute kids.

• 41:32Connor Wood?

  She does, they're really cute. They're, uh, she's three for three. She had the Queen. And then she had, um, who died after that? Oh, the Pope? And now Ozzy Osbourne passed away yesterday.

• 41:46Brooke Averick?

  It's really bizarre.

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• 43:19Brooke Averick?

  Truly.

• 43:20Connor Wood?

  And those are like-

• 43:21Brooke Averick?

  That sushi looks good.

• 43:21Connor Wood?

  Those are genuinely like historical figures, like Ozzy Osbourne-

• 43:25Brooke Averick?

  No, they truly are.

• 43:26Connor Wood?

  Is like at a different level. But he's also a prince of darkness.

• 43:30Brooke Averick?

  I wonder- I don't know much about the Osbournes. I get confused between Ozzy Osbourne and Marilyn Manson.

• 43:35Connor Wood?

  They're, I think they're very different people.

• 43:37Brooke Averick?

  I agree.

• 43:37Connor Wood?

  Although, I don't know.

• 43:38Brooke Averick?

  I do agree.

• 43:38Connor Wood?

  I think my favorite thing about Ozzy Osbourne, which is also like sad now that he is no longer with us. But he would always, I mean, he's like, "Oh yeah, there's like 10 years of my life I do not remember." I go, "Okay." Me.

• 43:51Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. That's sad.

• 43:54Connor Wood?

  I know, it's so scary.

• 43:57Connor Wood?

  Um-

• 43:57Brooke Averick?

  I have to tell you something.

• 43:59Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 44:01Brooke Averick?

  I have to tell you a few things.

• 44:03Connor Wood?

  Hit me where it hurts.

• 44:04Brooke Averick?

  Let me start with the smallest.

• 44:05Connor Wood?

  Okay.

• 44:07Brooke Averick?

  I bit the frickin' bullet, Connor. And I got the Kindle Color Soft.

• 44:13Connor Wood?

  I saw that.

• 44:14Brooke Averick?

  On Prime Day, cuz it was just, I couldn't, it was too good of a deal. You know, I've been thinking about it even before the Color Soft came out. I said, "Why aren't they making a Color Kindle?"

• 44:26Connor Wood?

  Why would you need a Color Kindle?

• 44:28Brooke Averick?

  You don't.

• 44:29Connor Wood?

  Okay.

• 44:30Brooke Averick?

  Unless you're reading graphic novels where the color enhances the reading experience, you don't need a Color Kindle by any, like there's, by no means. The only difference is that the covers, like on the opening page are in color. Instead of black and white. But when you're reading the book, they're the same thing. Unless you're a highlighter and you wanna highlight in pink or yellow. As opposed to just like gray. I've never highlighted a damn thing. This is the same thing as the Kindle that I already own, my matcha colored Paperwhite, except for I prefer the color of my matcha colored Paperwhite to the sleeker black of the Color Soft. They're the exact same thing.

• 45:12Brooke Averick?

  Except for the, I do like the color. I like the color. I like it a lot.

• 45:16Connor Wood?

  This kind of reminds me exactly of the fact that White Claw just came out with alcohol-free White Claw seltzers, which is, you guessed it, a seltzer. And I go,

• 45:25Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 45:26Connor Wood?

  You guys put the alcohol in the seltzer to start with. Seltzers already exist and people are buying White Claw seltzers. Zero percent alcohol.

• 45:37Brooke Averick?

  I kind of get that. That's just like, you're a seltzer brand, just like pump every, like make your seltzer.

• 45:43Connor Wood?

  No, yeah, if you're a company, it makes sense. I just, I just think like,

• 45:48Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 45:48Connor Wood?

  as a, as a consumer, like, I'm, I woke up. I woke up. I was a sheep. I was like, that's kind of funny they did that. And I was like, hang on. The only reason that seltzers had alcohol in them, because you put it there. I, not so fast.

• 46:06Connor Wood?

  Not so fast. Not on my watch. Put it back in and take your seat.

• 46:13Brooke Averick?

  Well, they still sell the ones with alcohol.

• 46:15Connor Wood?

  I know. I just like, I'm not, I'm not cool with it. Yeah. Pissed me off as like a,

• 46:22Connor Wood?

  as like a whatever anti-capitalist guy that still buys a lot of stuff, but sometimes I catch myself and I'm like, hang on.

• 46:29Brooke Averick?

  I'm not pissed, Connor, because I see the merit in the Color Soft, of course. For those of us like me who like seeing the color in the titles and also those of us who might read graphic novels. Not my, I don't do that, but now, now maybe I might.

• 46:45Connor Wood?

  What is, what is,

• 46:45Brooke Averick?

  Also does charge wirelessly, which could be exciting. Wireless charger sold separately.

• 46:49Connor Wood?

  Oh, have you ever charged anything wirelessly?

• 46:52Brooke Averick?

  Not yet.

• 46:53Connor Wood?

  That's an, that's an experience that like, that's another one where I'm like, you, come on.

• 46:59Brooke Averick?

  Here's what I'm saying. Here's what I'm trying to say. If I had the choice to just buy the Color Soft or the Paperwhite right now, and I didn't own either, I guess I'd get the Color Soft because why not? Get things in color. Did I need to order the Color Soft after already having the Paperwhite, which is pretty much the exact same thing? No. Am I going to keep both? Hundred percent. Do I read both, do I read by holding them both of my, in my hands and just reading whichever one ends up on top? Hundred percent.

• 47:28Brooke Averick?

  That's it. They're the same thing. One has color. And I would, I would not, I don't see a point in buying the Color Soft if you already have the Paperwhite. Unless you're like dying to get into graphic novels. I'm gonna keep both. Thank you.

• 47:43Connor Wood?

  You could put one in your car for, for reading.

• 47:45Brooke Averick?

  I did think about doing a mobile experience for one of them.

• 47:48Connor Wood?

  You could put one in your car for when you're driving and you need to read while you're driving.

• 47:52Brooke Averick?

  Hold on a damn minute Connor.

• 47:54Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 47:55Brooke Averick?

  Izzy, can you, would you mind Googling, is the Kindle Color Soft waterproof? Because guess what the Paperwhite is? Guess how I know that? Dropped it in the bath.

• 48:06Brooke Averick?

  And okay, I was about to say maybe the water, maybe the Color Soft isn't waterproof. It sure is. So all right, I'll take them both in the bath and maybe I'll just leave one in my hands free setup and the other one will be for on the go.

• 48:19Connor Wood?

  Maybe you leave one at the bottom of the ba- at the top.

• 48:21Brooke Averick?

  Ooh, I'll leave one in the bath.

• 48:23Connor Wood?

  You fill it up with.

• 48:23Brooke Averick?

  So I'll get, let me, uh, raise you one. I'll get the scribe. I'll get the Kindle scribe, which is the one you can take notes on. I don't do notes in my books or anything like that. I will get the Kindle scribe. Uh, I'll keep that one in my purse. I'll keep one in the bath and one in my bed.

• 48:39Connor Wood?

  That way.

• 48:40Brooke Averick?

  It's just easier.

• 48:41Connor Wood?

  It's just easier.

• 48:42Brooke Averick?

  It's just easier like that. I do, I actually genuinely might need the scribe though.

• 48:47Connor Wood?

  Uh, you've lost me. I don't know. I can't tell the difference between any of them.

• 48:50Brooke Averick?

  The scribe is to- isn't totally different.

• 48:53Connor Wood?

  Well, you have an iPad. Like I do wanna like flag that as well.

• 48:56Brooke Averick?

  I wanna tell you, there's no similarities between a Kindle and an iPad.

• 49:00Connor Wood?

  The Kindle scribe is looking to me like an iPad.

• 49:02Brooke Averick?

  The, the, a Kindle scribe is matte and meant for like reading. iPad, you get that glare.

• 49:09Connor Wood?

  Oh God, the glare.

• 49:10Brooke Averick?

  And it's bulky.

• 49:11Connor Wood?

  Hmm.

• 49:11Brooke Averick?

  And it's bulky. The Kindles are paper thin Connor. Paper thin.

• 49:16Connor Wood?

  I will also say on wireless charging, wireless charging can't ever be a thing because we all need to be on our phones while they're charging.

• 49:23Brooke Averick?

  Wireless charging can't ever be a thing because we all need to be, I agree.

• 49:26Connor Wood?

  Like wireless charging is so perfect for my father because he doesn't, he's never on his phone. So he just shuts it down. And by the time he like remembers he has a phone, three hours later, he was like, oh, it's fully charged.

• 49:38Brooke Averick?

  But it's fine for like a Kindle if you're like leaving the house.

• 49:41Connor Wood?

  Yeah. Oh, that's true.

• 49:44Brooke Averick?

  Unless you're doing your portable Kindle and you need it on the go. That's why you have two.

• 49:48Connor Wood?

  It's never gonna work for me because I'm someone who like takes my AirPods out and set them right next to the AirPod holder. And then when I need my AirPods again, I'm like, why the fuck are they dead?

• 49:56Brooke Averick?

  I do that too. I think you guys could use some support from your executive functioning.

• 50:00Connor Wood?

  Yeah, why didn't, why didn't you guys get into your bed last night when I, I did it? You guys couldn't have crawled three inches over into your case?

• 50:07Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 50:08Connor Wood?

  Now look at both of us.

• 50:09Brooke Averick?

  Now look at where this left us. Who does this benefit?

• 50:12Connor Wood?

  Who does this benefit? We both have our dick in our hands and I'm sitting here, I'm not gonna go on a run now. Now I'm, now I'm not going on a run because you guys didn't charge yourselves. That would be a good wireless charging use case. Sorry, AirPods.

• 50:24Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 50:25Connor Wood?

  Like put them in a bowl.

• 50:26Brooke Averick?

  It really makes sense for everything that's on a phone.

• 50:30Connor Wood?

  Facts.

• 50:30Brooke Averick?

  In a big way.

• 50:31Connor Wood?

  Wow, we're like really getting somewhere today, kind of in a way. Not in like a substantial way where people are like, where we'll gain a new audience, but like in a way where people are like, hmm. They got there, proud of them.

• 50:44Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. Hey, agreed.

• 50:47Connor Wood?

  Wait, I actually heard something cool recently and this is on the topic of executive functioning.

• 50:51Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 50:52Connor Wood?

  So I saw on Twitter that people were having a forcing party and I go, I'm not even gonna click that. Cause that sounds.

• 50:59Brooke Averick?

  A forcing party?

• 51:00Connor Wood?

  A forcing party. I go.

• 51:01Brooke Averick?

  Like when you force yourself to do stuff you don't want to?

• 51:04Connor Wood?

  Yes.

• 51:04Brooke Averick?

  With a smile, with a smile on, with a frown on your face?

• 51:08Connor Wood?

  Well, I was thinking. I was, what the hell could a forcing party, like they should, they can work on the name. Maybe an executive functioning party would be great, but forcing party is everyone comes. And each person comes with a list of things and someone, you say, right now you're applying to your new passport.

• 51:28Brooke Averick?

  That's awesome.

• 51:29Connor Wood?

  And right now, you're gonna put all your clothes on your hangers. Like, just like.

• 51:35Brooke Averick?

  How do I go to the forcing party if I need to be folding my clothes at my house?

• 51:38Connor Wood?

  You invite people, you, you, you have them over to your house. You become the host of the, of the forcing party.

• 51:43Brooke Averick?

  Awesome. I love it.

• 51:46Connor Wood?

  Yeah, that was a bad example, but like.

• 51:49Brooke Averick?

  No, that's what I needed to do, but how will you come to my forcing party?

• 51:51Connor Wood?

  I'll have to just make a trip out and we'll have a forcing party.

• 51:54Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 51:55Connor Wood?

  Maybe in August we do that.

• 51:58Brooke Averick?

  We could FaceTime too.

• 52:01Connor Wood?

  Oh my god, a forcing party remote.

• 52:03Brooke Averick?

  A forcing FaceTime.

• 52:04Connor Wood?

  Okay, 2020.

• 52:06Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 52:07Connor Wood?

  A 2020 Verbar Happy Hour featuring forcing.

• 52:12Brooke Averick?

  Oh my god.

• 52:14Connor Wood?

  I just got. It is the time. Brooke, we almost met five years ago today.

• 52:21Brooke Averick?

  Wait, when's our anniversary?

• 52:22Connor Wood?

  I can't remember, but it's close.

• 52:24Brooke Averick?

  Let me look it up.

• 52:27Connor Wood?

  It's real damn.

• 52:27Brooke Averick?

  Our anniversary is on

• 52:36Brooke Averick?

  August 19th.

• 52:38Connor Wood?

  Yeah, okay. So that was like a couple of weeks away.

• 52:41Brooke Averick?

  But we passed our, like, having spoken for the first time anniversary.

• 52:44Connor Wood?

  Yes.

• 52:45Brooke Averick?

  Our five year.

• 52:46Connor Wood?

  But.

• 52:47Brooke Averick?

  That's sick and twisted.

• 52:48Connor Wood?

  That's sick and twisted. Oh my gosh.

• 52:54Brooke Averick?

  Oh, I'm looking at pictures.

• 52:55Connor Wood?

  You know what's funny is I want to say that so much has happened. Nothing happened for the first three years. Like, for the last.

• 53:03Brooke Averick?

  Which is fine.

• 53:04Connor Wood?

  The last two years, a lot has happened.

• 53:07Brooke Averick?

  Which is fine. We got to know ourselves and each other for the first three.

• 53:11Connor Wood?

  Yeah, the first three was very stagnant in a way and confusing.

• 53:20Brooke Averick?

  I look back on the first three, though, and I'm like, that's when I, like, developed socially, you know, even if nothing happened, like professionally.

• 53:27Connor Wood?

  Nice. I think I regressed.

• 53:30Brooke Averick?

  Which is fine. Gave you material for

• 53:34Brooke Averick?

  everything you need now and shit like that.

• 53:36Connor Wood?

  That's, that's too damn true. Okay, I have a question for you. If you donate your hair to Locks of Love.

• 53:43Brooke Averick?

  I've done that a few times.

• 53:44Connor Wood?

  Okay, say the recipient of your hair, your locks, commits a crime and that DNA is left there.

• 53:53Connor Wood?

  Are you a suspect?

• 53:55Brooke Averick?

  I, yeah, I would assume you're a suspect, but that you could get off being like a Locks of Loved.

• 54:01Connor Wood?

  I Locks of Loved, but do you, you, you don't know, like, anything else. You don't know where your locks are going, right?

• 54:08Brooke Averick?

  No.

• 54:09Connor Wood?

  So like, so like, any person out there could be like, oh, like, I have this receipt from Locks of Love. Like, I'm, that's my alibi.

• 54:18Brooke Averick?

  You're saying if I did commit the crime, I could blame it on my Locks of Love recipient?

• 54:22Connor Wood?

  Correct.

• 54:26Brooke Averick?

  It's not a bad premise for an episode of Criminal Minds.

• 54:29Connor Wood?

  It's not a bad premise, and also, my mind is going a little bit. Because it's like, when you donate sperm, it's like, you don't know. That's why, like, Vince Vaughn in that one movie ends up having like 500 kids. Because like, the sperm, for some reason, I think they just-

• 54:42Brooke Averick?

  What movie?

• 54:43Connor Wood?

  He ends up being, well, he, actually, he was donating a lot of sperm. I don't know, Vince Vaughn sperm movie. I'm not sure if that will help. Um, you might find a, like, other videos, but it is, uh-

• 54:58Brooke Averick?

  Delivery Man.

• 54:59Connor Wood?

  Delivery Man.

• 55:00Brooke Averick?

  I'd like to watch it. I love Vince.

• 55:02Connor Wood?

  It's really good. It's really good.

• 55:05Brooke Averick?

  I love Couples Retreat.

• 55:05Connor Wood?

  He donated so many times. Couples Retreat is all time.

• 55:08Brooke Averick?

  It's so fabulous.

• 55:09Connor Wood?

  Four Christuses. Unbelievable.

• 55:12Brooke Averick?

  I've only seen that once, like, a while ago.

• 55:14Connor Wood?

  Yeah, bring that one out of the vault and watch it.

• 55:16Brooke Averick?

  You know that him and Reese Witherspoon hated each other?

• 55:21Brooke Averick?

  Read that in a Snapchat article.

• 55:23Connor Wood?

  That's interesting. Well, that's-

• 55:26Brooke Averick?

  It must, so it must be true.

• 55:27Connor Wood?

  That's fact, if it was in the Snapchat article.

• 55:31Connor Wood?

  But like, I don't know if Locks of Love, it's like, hey, you get all this hair. Or if it's like, hey, we're, there's like a hair bucket, and like, everyone gets to pick a few strands.

• 55:41Brooke Averick?

  Right. Are we doing, are we mixing and matching?

• 55:44Connor Wood?

  I don't know if that's the case. Could you imagine if you got like a hair from every color? And like, it was your full head of hair, and it was just like-

• 55:49Brooke Averick?

  I don't think that's what they're doing.

• 55:50Connor Wood?

  It's like Neapolitan ice cream, and it's just like-

• 55:52Brooke Averick?

  I don't think that's what they're doing.

• 55:53Connor Wood?

  Okay, so you do get like someone's, you get someone's hair. I'm just saying, and I probably shouldn't have put that out there, and they probably have ways around it. But like, hey, sorry, no, I actually donated Locks of Love so many times. Here's a receipt that matches.

• 56:11Brooke Averick?

  I mean, it's, I really, I like where your head is going.

• 56:15Connor Wood?

  Thanks.

• 56:15Brooke Averick?

  In terms of creative storytelling.

• 56:17Connor Wood?

  I know. What's the backfill?

• 56:19Brooke Averick?

  That could be such a good fanfiction that you write about two people that you pick out of a hat. One gives locks of love to the other. And then they both become implicated in a crime. Who's the real murderer? It doesn't matter, they end up together in the end.

• 56:33Connor Wood?

  And then, at the end, the murderer murders them too.

• 56:36Brooke Averick?

  Nice. Look at us, we just wrote, we just wrote a story together.

• 56:40Connor Wood?

  I like rom-com murder mystery.

• 56:43Brooke Averick?

  I read one of those.

• 56:44Connor Wood?

  That's kind of hot.

• 56:45Brooke Averick?

  The most wonderful crime of the year.

• 56:48Connor Wood?

  Is it a Christmas movie?

• 56:49Brooke Averick?

  It is a Christmas rom-com mystery novel. It was pretty tough read. I enjoyed it.

• 56:56Connor Wood?

  Do you know, what's the Bechdel test? Can you tell me what that is?

• 57:00Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 57:00Connor Wood?

  Cause that's come up twice.

• 57:01Brooke Averick?

  That's the one where it's like, if you fail the Bechdel test, you like, didn't mention a woman.

• 57:07Connor Wood?

  Right.

• 57:07Brooke Averick?

  You didn't include like a certain amount of women in your project or whatever.

• 57:11Connor Wood?

  And the women have to interact with each other.

• 57:13Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, the women have to, there's some qualifications that they have to meet. Like, they need to not be just like a supporting character. Let's see. Um, there needs to be two female characters. The work must feature at least two female characters who are not just background figures, but have some significance to the story. They need to talk to each other. The conversation is not about a man. I'm very happy to report that my book has passed.

• 57:39Connor Wood?

  Good.

• 57:41Brooke Averick?

  With flying colors.

• 57:42Connor Wood?

  That's good.

• 57:45Brooke Averick?

  Which is great, cause sometimes I worry I'm bad at that. Which, cause I am.

• 57:49Connor Wood?

  I'm wondering if, can a person fail the Bechdel test?

• 57:53Brooke Averick?

  I would say in general, overall, I fail. I'm a failure.

• 58:00Connor Wood?

  Oh, bro, don't say that.

• 58:02Brooke Averick?

  Flying colors.

• 58:03Connor Wood?

  Oh, bro, don't say that.

• 58:07Connor Wood?

  Yes, a movie can fail. Thank you so much, Google AI.

• 58:10Brooke Averick?

  Thank you so much. Oh my God, that was so incredible. Speaking of the Bechdel test, are you, are you, can I tell you something?

• 58:18Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 58:19Brooke Averick?

  This doesn't have much to do with it, the Bechdel test.

• 58:22Connor Wood?

  I figured because, yeah.

• 58:24Brooke Averick?

  It was Meghan's birthday over the weekend.

• 58:26Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 58:28Brooke Averick?

  And she had just like a very intimate gathering of our closest friends at our friend Brett's pool. And she invited a hinge match.

• 58:38Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 58:39Brooke Averick?

  Because, my god, yeah.

• 58:40Connor Wood?

  It's her birthday.

• 58:41Brooke Averick?

  We were like, are you sure that you want to do that? It literally is gonna be like 10 of your best friends and this person that you're gonna have to entertain. And she was like, oh my god, yeah. 10 minutes before he said to arrive, she's like, what the, like, why? And meanwhile, like, I can't go on my own hinge date. I'm panicking like for her, like the thought of going on somebody else's and having to experience that, especially if that person is like, why? I was like, this is not like something that I can take part of like by any means. And unfortunately, like, I would love to be able to like be somebody who is like, hey, welcome. Like, it's just like my anxiety like doesn't allow that. I'm not good in like social situations like that.

• 59:24Brooke Averick?

  So what I did was chugs like a whole thing of nowadays. So at least like, I'm not gonna be able to talk to this man. Let me be able to blame it on just like, sorry, I have, I'm on off that nowadays.

• 59:36Connor Wood?

  What you don't want is to end up in a conversation and not be able to get away. Cause then like that person is locked on you.

• 59:42Brooke Averick?

  I'm gonna take this nowadays and so I'm gonna say, I took the nowadays. That's why I'm not able to communicate right now. It's an out. You know, it's like, here's an excuse. I'm not a bad person. I'm off that. Good, good.

• 59:56Connor Wood?

  I'm off that good, good.

• 59:57Brooke Averick?

  So hinge date came.

• 1:00:01Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 1:00:05Brooke Averick?

  Okay, what happened?

• 1:00:07Connor Wood?

  I just opened a drawer and a moth was in there. Sorry, go ahead. Holy mo, I was like, this is a drawer. What could be in here? Moth, moth attack. Go ahead. Oh my god, it was mad that I was in his drawer.

• 1:00:21Brooke Averick?

  Why did you need to open a drawer during my story?

• 1:00:24Connor Wood?

  Um, I am listening still. It's just right in front of me. How was I not supposed to open it?

• 1:00:31Brooke Averick?

  So you had, you've had 58 minutes to open it. Anyway. Hinge date comes, whatever, I am in an inner tube completely by myself. Everyone's been pretty good, like helping out with the hinge date. I feel horrible. I couldn't. But if you like, look at Megan's like Instagram dump, like her like birthday dump. There's these two pictures of her like smiling with her cake. And everybody is on the other side of the camera. So you can't like see them, but in the background, you can just see me alone in the, in an inner tube. As I, I did spend the majority of the party unable to be on Megan's hinge date. Thank you.

• 1:01:14Connor Wood?

  Couldn't be on land in case.

• 1:01:15Brooke Averick?

  I couldn't. I literally like, I was so stressed out. I was more stressed out than her. Thank you.

• 1:01:25Brooke Averick?

  That was me for the, uh, for her, for the duration of the afternoon.

• 1:01:31Connor Wood?

  It is nice. You're in the sun.

• 1:01:32Brooke Averick?

  I'm, I was fine.

• 1:01:36Brooke Averick?

  But.

• 1:01:36Connor Wood?

  How did, how did the young man fare?

• 1:01:41Brooke Averick?

  You know what? Like, it's just not something that I would have done.

• 1:01:45Connor Wood?

  I like, I have experience with these sorts of things because I had a close, I have a close friend who exclusively invites hinge dates with us on things. And it's become a running joke. And when she started actively dating this young man, he, he brought up to her, hey, I've never, we've never done anything one-on-one. And she goes, I don't, I don't really want to hang out with you one-on-one. I want to hang out with my friends.

• 1:02:17Brooke Averick?

  I get that. I really do. I don't think that's a bad idea. It was just the birthday element that was tough because I think it got to the point where she was like, I just want to spend my birthday with my friends and I have to spend it, uh, with this young man I've never met. Who's, who's not a, who's not a match.

• 1:02:33Connor Wood?

  Well, what you're going to want to do is like.

• 1:02:35Brooke Averick?

  That's not a match right now.

• 1:02:36Connor Wood?

  Yeah. You're going to need an out. Outs are so important to set very early on.

• 1:02:40Brooke Averick?

  And you don't have an out at your own birthday party.

• 1:02:42Connor Wood?

  You do. You should say birthday dinner. Hey, everyone go get ready. And we're, we're doing a birthday dinner. Everyone go get ready and leave, please.

• 1:02:49Brooke Averick?

  For like a 12 PM pool party?

• 1:02:53Connor Wood?

  Birthday lunch, birthday lunch, everyone go get ready for birthday lunch. Birthday lunch is happening and it's happening soon. She needed an out like really early. That's something she should have planned if she was having someone that she wasn't 100% like keen on.

• 1:03:06Brooke Averick?

  I just wanted to let you know that I went on another hinge date this past weekend. It wasn't my own and I, it was really tough.

• 1:03:13Connor Wood?

  It wasn't your own? What do you mean it wasn't your own?

• 1:03:14Brooke Averick?

  It was Megan's.

• 1:03:16Connor Wood?

  Oh.

• 1:03:19Brooke Averick?

  Does that make sense?

• 1:03:20Connor Wood?

  Yeah, well, that was.

• 1:03:20Brooke Averick?

  Also, uh, my cleaning lady told me yesterday that I lost 10 to 15 pounds in my face since last time she saw me last month.

• 1:03:27Connor Wood?

  Wow, nice.

• 1:03:28Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. 10 to 15 in the face.

• 1:03:30Connor Wood?

  Your, your bowling ball hat that weighs a hundred pounds, like, how do you?

• 1:03:35Brooke Averick?

  Does this thing at the end of, like, when she's done, she'll like talk to me for like 45 minutes and put it on the company card.

• 1:03:40Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:41Brooke Averick?

  And by company card, I just mean I will pay for that time. And she was just like in the middle of a sentence and like cocks her head and looks at me and goes, you lost about 10 to 15 in the face since I last saw you.

• 1:03:50Connor Wood?

  10 to 15, right there.

• 1:03:53Brooke Averick?

  I can't imagine what you were seeing the last time you saw me.

• 1:03:57Connor Wood?

  Woo, she's trying to get a little extra tippy in there.

• 1:04:03Connor Wood?

  I also want to say about my friend who

• 1:04:07Connor Wood?

  exclusively invites hinge dates to hang out with her group of friends. What she used to do was get on hinge and start swiping at bars and then uh, match with someone and say, hey, let's, can you drive me home? And then she would get out of the car and say, thank you so much. And she would un-match once she was home safely.

• 1:04:29Brooke Averick?

  She is smart, that one, in some ways.

• 1:04:33Connor Wood?

  She's a little over, right?

• 1:04:35Brooke Averick?

  She is. I told everyone that I deleted hinge.

• 1:04:41Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:41Brooke Averick?

  I didn't. I deleted the app for like six hours. Now I match with someone who's wearing a fedora on ironically.

• 1:04:50Connor Wood?

  Cool. They could, they could, like, I'm not interested at all and I don't foresee this, but it has been long enough that

• 1:04:57Connor Wood?

  see, now I just want to say like they passed the Bechdel test, that they're, they could come back. Like they, they, they could, there's a chance. They're selling them at Nordstrom right now. Unironically.

• 1:05:07Brooke Averick?

  I, this one's like pretty, like a, more of like a fedora beret fusion, which I think you would find extremely difficult. As do I, but at this point, it's like, what am I supposed to do?

• 1:05:21Brooke Averick?

  But I'm taking a break from like sex and dating and I'm loving being single.

• 1:05:25Connor Wood?

  Good.

• 1:05:25Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:26Connor Wood?

  You're glowing. You've lost about 10 to 15 in the face.

• 1:05:29Brooke Averick?

  That's because I haven't been like worrying about shit like that. That doesn't matter. It's like it'll come. And if it doesn't, I don't care.

• 1:05:36Connor Wood?

  Right.

• 1:05:37Brooke Averick?

  My god, it's like not a priority for me.

• 1:05:40Connor Wood?

  Hundred percent. And by the way, I wanna, I wanna thank you for the happiest days of my happiest year.

• 1:05:44Brooke Averick?

  Oh my god, I had forgotten to thank you for the happiest years of my life.

• 1:05:48Connor Wood?

  Happiest years of my life.

• 1:05:51Brooke Averick?

  I'll be sure to thank you for the happiest years of my life and the bonus, which we do need to go to. But it was, thank you for the happiest 63 minutes and 31 seconds of my life.

• 1:06:00Connor Wood?

  Such a pleasure catching up with you and wow.

• 1:06:04Brooke Averick?

  And wow. And thank you for.

• 1:06:06Connor Wood?

  And thanks. Yeah, the whole, that whole, the whole experience. And maybe like praying a turtle happens today that I can update everyone with.

• 1:06:16Brooke Averick?

  I like kind of think it will.

• 1:06:18Connor Wood?

  Knowing our fat asses.

• 1:06:21Brooke Averick?

  Knowing our very, very fat asses and very fat faces with an extra 10 to 15 on them, it will.

• 1:06:27Connor Wood?

  Our robust disgusting asses. They're so gross. Yeah.

• 1:06:35Brooke Averick?

  So disgusting.

• 1:06:36Connor Wood?

  So disgusting. Take a seat, turn your camera off. We're doing audio only. You're making me gag. There's gonna be a turtle outside.

• 1:06:50Brooke Averick?

  We'll keep our eyes on this very fat and very disgusting space. We will see you in the bonus.

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