Paula Pell asks about bad dates

The hilarious Paula Pell (Girls5Eva, SNL) asks Handsome to share their dating horror stories! Plus Valentine's day shenanigans and a whole lot more... don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA https://www.ticketmaster.com/netflix-is-a-joke-presents-handsome-los-angeles-california-05-04-2026/event/0900642CE31BB7C3! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:34Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website.

• 0:53Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy. So easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:25Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Handsome, chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm your host, Mae Martin, joined by your two other hosts, who are? Fortune Feimster.

• 1:57Tig Notaro?

  And Tig Notaro.

• 1:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Hi, you guys.

• 2:03Fortune Feimster?

  Hello.

• 2:03Mae Martin?

  Hello, hello.

• 2:05Fortune Feimster?

  Hello, y'all. Welcome to, um, I don't know, it's Valentine's week.

• 2:12Mae Martin?

  Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

• 2:14Fortune Feimster?

  And I see how May is celebrating.

• 2:17Mae Martin?

  How?

• 2:17Fortune Feimster?

  How?

• 2:19Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean how you have your window completely open for the world to see?

• 2:25Fortune Feimster?

  Come to my window.

• 2:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, look, there's Melissa Etheridge now.

• 2:29Fortune Feimster?

  Come inside.

• 2:31Mae Martin?

  You know what's embarrassing?

• 2:36Mae Martin?

  I had that piece of fabric hung up there.

• 2:40Tig Notaro?

  It was so good looking.

• 2:42Mae Martin?

  It was so sketchy and you made fun of it. So I took it down embarrassed. So now, but now I left up the little patches of tape where it was hung up.

• 2:50Tig Notaro?

  Much better.

• 2:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:52Tig Notaro?

  And you have your guitar case in the corner as if you're going to sing a little ditty to someone.

• 2:58Mae Martin?

  I wish, next time we're all together in the studio, I should bring in the guitar and we'll do some songs.

• 3:03Tig Notaro?

  Please. Why can't you do one now?

• 3:06Mae Martin?

  Well, because I don't have a mic stand. I like to hold it in my hand. That's what she said.

• 3:12Tig Notaro?

  Ah, who said that? Who said that? Who said that?

• 3:16Fortune Feimster?

  She did.

• 3:17Mae Martin?

  She did, girl.

• 3:18Tig Notaro?

  Is she your Valentine's Day?

• 3:22Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think, you don't have a Valentine's Day, do you?

• 3:25Tig Notaro?

  Well, whoever she is.

• 3:26Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, she.

• 3:28Mae Martin?

  Well, one thing is last time I was at Largo, the tech guy there does guitar setup for Alanis Morissette. And he said that she's in Sacramento on February 13th. And as, as you hear this, I'm scrambling, trying to get tickets. I'm texting people. I'm saying, please, what can I offer of anything?

• 3:46Tig Notaro?

  Wait, why can't you buy a ticket?

• 3:49Fortune Feimster?

  I was gonna ask that too.

• 3:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 3:52Mae Martin?

  That's a really good.

• 3:53Fortune Feimster?

  You're like, I just assumed.

• 3:55Tig Notaro?

  You could just buy one. Yeah, why wouldn't you buy a ticket?

• 3:58Mae Martin?

  I assumed it was sold out. I think it sold out.

• 4:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay. Well, that's different. Why don't you look right now?

• 4:05Mae Martin?

  Okay, let me check. Hang on. Let me see here. Hang on.

• 4:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:08Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, man, that was a good concert. And not just because I sang as part of the concert.

• 4:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:15Mae Martin?

  I just Googled Alanis Sacramento. Uh huh.

• 4:18Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 4:19Mae Martin?

  Alanis Morissette, February 13th. Yep, that's an easy.

• 4:22Tig Notaro?

  Tickets available.

• 4:24Mae Martin?

  Um, except to get, oh, there are tickets available. Yeah, okay.

• 4:28Tig Notaro?

  No scrambling needed. Buy a ticket and support the woman.

• 4:33Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, I'm doing it literally right now. Wow. Can I do it while we're?

• 4:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, why not? Walk us through it.

• 4:40Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you might have to find, are you gonna buy two tickets and ask the one?

• 4:44Mae Martin?

  Yes, I am. Oh, my God, I have a great idea.

• 4:47Fortune Feimster?

  What is it today?

• 4:48Tig Notaro?

  You should invite Alanis.

• 4:53Mae Martin?

  Okay, there.

• 4:54Tig Notaro?

  Isn't it ironic?

• 4:55Mae Martin?

  They're expensive.

• 4:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, is that what?

• 4:57Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna do this.

• 4:59Fortune Feimster?

  You're buying them right as we speak? Wow.

• 5:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm literally doing it right now. I have to, because there's very few left. No, there's not, they're not left, so.

• 5:07Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 5:08Mae Martin?

  But there's like ninth row.

• 5:10Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 5:11Mae Martin?

  Pretty good, and you know, she can.

• 5:12Fortune Feimster?

  Ninth row is great.

• 5:14Mae Martin?

  She can belt it out, so.

• 5:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, she can sing.

• 5:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'll be able to hear it.

• 5:18Fortune Feimster?

  Her concert was amazing.

• 5:19Mae Martin?

  God, it was good, Fortune.

• 5:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. And this time you can go with somebody new.

• 5:24Mae Martin?

  Oh, you're, you're busy, or?

• 5:27Fortune Feimster?

  I will be doing shows.

• 5:28Tig Notaro?

  On stage.

• 5:29Fortune Feimster?

  I am Alanis. I'm performing at the Beacon on Valentine's Night.

• 5:34Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 5:34Fortune Feimster?

  Um, in New York City.

• 5:37Tig Notaro?

  That's a good room.

• 5:38Mae Martin?

  How do I know if I'm getting, this is a scam website?

• 5:42Tig Notaro?

  Uh.

• 5:43Mae Martin?

  Why, is that where you wanna be?

• 5:44Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you wanna, don't, don't buy it on like a, um, third-party site, buy it from her website.

• 5:51Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay, yeah.

• 5:52Fortune Feimster?

  Go to, go to AlanisMorissette.com is what I'm assuming it is.

• 5:56Tig Notaro?

  Of course Fortune knows stuff like that.

• 5:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:00Tig Notaro?

  I would just Google like Alanis tickets, California.

• 6:03Mae Martin?

  That's what I did.

• 6:05Fortune Feimster?

  Hopefully people are Googling right now, New York City Beacon Theater, Fortune on Valentine's Day.

• 6:10Mae Martin?

  Okay, guys, I just typed in Alanis Morissette, it says, the domain name AlanisMorissette.com is for sale.

• 6:16Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 6:17Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 6:17Fortune Feimster?

  We need to let her know.

• 6:18Tig Notaro?

  Buy it. No, we should buy it. We should buy it.

• 6:23Fortune Feimster?

  Do you think she knows it's up for sale?

• 6:26Tig Notaro?

  This is not at all where I saw this episode going. No, not at all.

• 6:31Fortune Feimster?

  But I feel like we need to help Alanis.

• 6:33Tig Notaro?

  How much does it cost?

• 6:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, you know what? Okay, her website is Alanis.com. That makes sense.

• 6:38Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, she didn't. She's like, I don't need my last name. Everybody knows who I am.

• 6:42Mae Martin?

  God, if I-

• 6:42Tig Notaro?

  Right, but why would that still be for sale?

• 6:46Fortune Feimster?

  But she should also own AlanisMoreset.com.

• 6:49Mae Martin?

  There's VIP tickets available and it says-

• 6:51Tig Notaro?

  You gotta get them.

• 6:52Mae Martin?

  Share a special moment with Alanis, who will lead-

• 6:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yes. Oh, it's the, it's the meditation, right?

• 6:57Mae Martin?

  It's the meditation.

• 6:58Tig Notaro?

  Girl, get it. You're rich.

• 7:00Mae Martin?

  They will lead this exclusive group in a meditation and answer selected questions.

• 7:05Tig Notaro?

  What are you talking about?

• 7:07Mae Martin?

  I have to do this, right?

• 7:08Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, you're gonna do that for you and a friend?

• 7:11Mae Martin?

  It's too expensive.

• 7:12Tig Notaro?

  How much?

• 7:13Fortune Feimster?

  I know, you gotta buy yourself the VIP and your friend has to wait for you outside.

• 7:18Tig Notaro?

  How much is the VIP?

• 7:20Mae Martin?

  $1,200. That's a lot of money. And, and, and I have met her before.

• 7:25Fortune Feimster?

  My VIP is $165 and that comes with the ticket.

• 7:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:29Fortune Feimster?

  It's a great deal.

• 7:30Mae Martin?

  But are you leading a meditation, Fortune?

• 7:32Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not. That is pretty special.

• 7:33Tig Notaro?

  I would pay $1,200-

• 7:35Fortune Feimster?

  I would totally pay that for-

• 7:37Tig Notaro?

  Fortune's meditation.

• 7:38Fortune Feimster?

  I would have paid for my meditation, but I would pay it for Alanis's more meditation. Cause she's like a, she's like good at, she's like a guru with that stuff.

• 7:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she is. Very wise and-

• 7:48Tig Notaro?

  Is she still vegan, Thomas?

• 7:51Fortune Feimster?

  We should also tell her AlanisMoreset.com is for sale.

• 7:55Mae Martin?

  So-

• 7:55Tig Notaro?

  Why do we tell her? Why don't we buy it and then she has to buy it from us? You know, we're gonna make some cash.

• 8:02Fortune Feimster?

  You buy the website and then they're like, I'll trade you-

• 8:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:06Fortune Feimster?

  For a VIP ticket.

• 8:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:08Mae Martin?

  Or I'll trade, no, I'll trade you, I, I wanna sing.

• 8:10Fortune Feimster?

  But, but still not for your friend. Your friend still has to wait outside.

• 8:14Tig Notaro?

  I got the idea. We buy the site. May puts a bunch of different videos of singing Alanis songs.

• 8:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, no way.

• 8:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. So she will finally see that.

• 8:28Mae Martin?

  An old man turned ninety-eight. He won the lottery.

• 8:35Tig Notaro?

  Died the next day.

• 8:37Fortune Feimster?

  I think this is the part I was singing.

• 8:39Mae Martin?

  Yep, it is. And now you know the lyrics. You had to Google them that night. Let's not get into it.

• 8:44Fortune Feimster?

  I was nervous. I was nervous.

• 8:45Mae Martin?

  I, I mean, I'm gonna have to do this after the pod, because it's like, sign into your Ticketmaster account.

• 8:50Fortune Feimster?

  You need to think about it, too.

• 8:52Tig Notaro?

  Do it now.

• 8:53Fortune Feimster?

  Thomas said Alanis refers to herself as about eighty percent vegan.

• 8:57Tig Notaro?

  Well, my eyesight is so bad. I saw that she's been a vegan since the eighties.

• 9:04Tig Notaro?

  My brain just went, oh.

• 9:06Fortune Feimster?

  Eighty percent vegan. That's pretty good. She's doing the best she can. She's helping.

• 9:10Tig Notaro?

  I have no judgment. I was just curious if she was still, uh.

• 9:13Fortune Feimster?

  Good. Don't judge my girl.

• 9:15Mae Martin?

  I wonder if that means.

• 9:16Tig Notaro?

  I love your girl.

• 9:17Fortune Feimster?

  I know you do.

• 9:18Tig Notaro?

  Not as much as I love Carrie. Go ahead.

• 9:21Mae Martin?

  I wonder if she'll be in, oh, Carrie Russell.

• 9:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Do I really have to? I mean, she's Carrie.com.

• 9:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:28Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 9:29Mae Martin?

  I wonder if that means that Alanis will be in LA before that, and maybe I.

• 9:35Fortune Feimster?

  Does she not live here anymore?

• 9:36Tig Notaro?

  We, oh, this is a great idea. We should spend the episode speculating.

• 9:42Fortune Feimster?

  Go ahead.

• 9:42Tig Notaro?

  Just speculating where she might be before and after.

• 9:49Fortune Feimster?

  And then we end the episode with, happy Valentine's Day, everybody.

• 9:55Mae Martin?

  But you guys.

• 9:56Fortune Feimster?

  What's wrong with us?

• 9:57Mae Martin?

  You, I mean, Fortune, you are basically friends with her at this point. You have some sway. Like, one day, will you?

• 10:03Fortune Feimster?

  But I don't have her number.

• 10:05Mae Martin?

  If, okay, if we were dating, you and I, Fortune.

• 10:07Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you and I are dating in this scenario.

• 10:09Mae Martin?

  And it was Valentine's Day.

• 10:11Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 10:11Mae Martin?

  And your, your friends.

• 10:12Fortune Feimster?

  I'll get you flowers.

• 10:14Mae Martin?

  Thank you. Um, but would you?

• 10:16Fortune Feimster?

  Would you motorboat?

• 10:17Tig Notaro?

  Fortune?

• 10:18Mae Martin?

  Of course, it's Valentine's Day.

• 10:19Fortune Feimster?

  I'd have to push them together. Go to YouTube.

• 10:22Mae Martin?

  But Fortune would.

• 10:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 10:24Mae Martin?

  This wreck.

• 10:25Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, put those down. You're gonna break your back.

• 10:29Fortune Feimster?

  Look, that's how far down they go, that I can go, bleh.

• 10:33Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God.

• 10:37Fortune Feimster?

  What, what, May? Sorry.

• 10:40Mae Martin?

  Would you, um, if we were dating and you wanted to make me feel special, would you reach out to Lannis and say, hey, May really wants to sing with you? Or could you?

• 10:49Fortune Feimster?

  Probably, I would find a way.

• 10:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah, you would. See, that's why you're such a catch.

• 10:54Tig Notaro?

  Love finds a way.

• 10:55Fortune Feimster?

  I'm a catch.

• 10:56Mae Martin?

  Love finds a way.

• 10:57Fortune Feimster?

  Love finds a way.

• 10:59Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, it looks like you have a Star Trek.

• 11:01Fortune Feimster?

  I know it does. I thought about that too. It's just a little polo guy.

• 11:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 11:06Fortune Feimster?

  But when I put it on, it looks like your uniform.

• 11:09Tig Notaro?

  Well, not mine. Mine's kind of yellow gold.

• 11:14Mae Martin?

  What? It was, wait, you

• 11:18Mae Martin?

  you froze for me also in the

• 11:22Tig Notaro?

  That is my job and don't do not make any fun of what I do.

• 11:31Tig Notaro?

  No. Oh, my Lord, Fortune Marie. You need to go lie down. No, no, Fortune, no.

• 11:41Fortune Feimster?

  I have a bad sense of everybody.

• 11:43Tig Notaro?

  No, no.

• 11:46Mae Martin?

  I gotta say, we are, I think it's

• 11:48Tig Notaro?

  It's not a catch.

• 11:49Mae Martin?

  It's been announced.

• 11:50Fortune Feimster?

  I woke up at 4 a.m. today. What's up?

• 11:52Tig Notaro?

  Go back to sleep.

• 11:59Fortune Feimster?

  Dare you? Go back to sleep.

• 12:02Tig Notaro?

  You're acting like a beast.

• 12:05Fortune Feimster?

  May, what were you gonna say? I'm sorry to interrupt you.

• 12:07Mae Martin?

  Oh, I don't know.

• 12:09Tig Notaro?

  No, please, please.

• 12:11Fortune Feimster?

  Come back. May, come back.

• 12:14Mae Martin?

  I like it when you guys beg me like that. I'll go like this.

• 12:17Fortune Feimster?

  May, please.

• 12:19Tig Notaro?

  May, turn back, turn back, May, turn back around.

• 12:23Fortune Feimster?

  Come on.

• 12:24Tig Notaro?

  Don't tease us.

• 12:25Fortune Feimster?

  There you are. There's that pretty handsome face.

• 12:29Mae Martin?

  It's been announced that we're doing the Netflix as a joke festival with the cast of The Hunting Wives.

• 12:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, with, um, Malin Akerman and, uh, Brittany Snow.

• 12:39Tig Notaro?

  And I just know this.

• 12:40Fortune Feimster?

  Should I not?

• 12:43Tig Notaro?

  Stephanie watches that show.

• 12:45Mae Martin?

  But I was just watching Fortune, watching you do your, you know, go down on your hand and, and I was thinking,

• 12:52Tig Notaro?

  Wait, how do I not have this information?

• 12:55Fortune Feimster?

  Why don't I know this? They told you, you probably didn't pay attention.

• 12:58Tig Notaro?

  That is so rude of you. You know, I don't miss anything, not even my part in an animated film.

• 13:06Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I think that this is gonna be, um, it'll be like a special thing that maybe we'll air, we, we could probably air it if we wanted to. Not like a live stream, but as a pod, but I think we're actually gonna have them sit down and chat with them a little bit.

• 13:23Tig Notaro?

  Chatting with friends on the handsome pod?

• 13:25Fortune Feimster?

  Chat with friends on the handsome pod. So it will be, we'll also have them ask a question, but we're gonna also chat with them because they did have a lot of lady sex.

• 13:33Mae Martin?

  I know, this is what I'm worried about. Fortune, you gotta rein it in. I am worried about your decorum with these professional actors.

• 13:41Fortune Feimster?

  You should stay home. You need to stay home. No, this is when you ask these questions is what the people want. It's, it's like the actor studio, but with lesbians.

• 13:52Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna have some really hard hitting journalistic questions and then I'll let, I'll let you ask.

• 13:58Fortune Feimster?

  Well, Malon's Swedish, so people that listen in Sweden will really wanna tune in.

• 14:02Tig Notaro?

  I can't wait to invite Stephanie. She loves that show.

• 14:06Fortune Feimster?

  Do you think she has any lesbian questions for them? They're not lesbians in life, but they did a really good job going down on each other.

• 14:16Mae Martin?

  This is what I'm worried about. Like that we're gonna be like, oh, asking them about their, their sexualities.

• 14:24Fortune Feimster?

  Should we ask them for tips?

• 14:27Mae Martin?

  I'm good.

• 14:29Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe our audience, or maybe our listeners can help us think of fun questions for them as well.

• 14:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm.

• 14:35Tig Notaro?

  Fun or disgusting?

• 14:36Mae Martin?

  I need to binge the rest of the show and then.

• 14:39Fortune Feimster?

  Spit in the camera.

• 14:41Mae Martin?

  You should spit into your camera.

• 14:42Fortune Feimster?

  It's literally on the camera. Hold on.

• 14:46Tig Notaro?

  People pay good money for this show.

• 14:49Fortune Feimster?

  They don't. It's literally free. That's why they have to listen to ads.

• 14:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:55Fortune Feimster?

  That they love.

• 14:56Tig Notaro?

  That they can fast forward through, but don't.

• 14:58Fortune Feimster?

  Don't.

• 14:59Tig Notaro?

  Don't.

• 15:00Fortune Feimster?

  Don't do that.

• 15:01Tig Notaro?

  Stop. Stop fast forwarding.

• 15:03Fortune Feimster?

  You can get good deals. We got some good deals on things.

• 15:05Mae Martin?

  I just watched Brittany in that, in that really scary one.

• 15:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wait, which one?

• 15:10Mae Martin?

  With the psycho killer and Claire Danes.

• 15:15Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, that was a good one.

• 15:17Mae Martin?

  That was really good.

• 15:18Fortune Feimster?

  The beast or something. The beast inside of you.

• 15:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah. We're talking about beasts.

• 15:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, at the, at the Netflix Golden Globes party, Claire Dane was there and she was dancing up a storm.

• 15:30Tig Notaro?

  One Dane or two?

• 15:31Fortune Feimster?

  Claire Dane.

• 15:33Tig Notaro?

  Did I say Dane?

• 15:34Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you said Dane. No, I meant Danes.

• 15:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I was like, okay, I feel like her last name is Dane.

• 15:42Fortune Feimster?

  I think I said Danes.

• 15:43Tig Notaro?

  No, no, no.

• 15:45Fortune Feimster?

  She was dancing like cra- like booty dancing, like all up in it, like super into the music.

• 15:51Tig Notaro?

  And did you get in on that?

• 15:52Fortune Feimster?

  No, but I was in the circle that she was dancing in, or Shida Jones was also dancing. We were all just like dancing.

• 16:00Tig Notaro?

  And did you say, hey, could, could you do a handsome question?

• 16:05Fortune Feimster?

  No, I should have.

• 16:06Mae Martin?

  We really.

• 16:07Fortune Feimster?

  Let's do it right now. Let's just get you on camera asking us a question.

• 16:11Tig Notaro?

  I, I have a, a thing on Sunday with somebody that I'm really hoping I can get a question from. That is kind of a big one.

• 16:22Fortune Feimster?

  That would be awesome.

• 16:24Tig Notaro?

  It's, it's not kind of, it is a big one.

• 16:27Fortune Feimster?

  Is it? Is it?

• 16:30Mae Martin?

  Obama?

• 16:31Tig Notaro?

  No. It's like basically that level.

• 16:34Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa.

• 16:36Mae Martin?

  Oprah, is it Oprah?

• 16:37Tig Notaro?

  No, it's that level.

• 16:39Mae Martin?

  Okay. Oh, my gosh. Who else is that level of Oprah? Cause Jennifer Aniston, Oprah, Obama, McCartney.

• 16:50Tig Notaro?

  Alf.

• 16:51Mae Martin?

  Alf? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's exciting. That's a tease.

• 16:54Fortune Feimster?

  Well, we'll see. We'll see you guys.

• 16:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:57Fortune Feimster?

  Um, does it, are you, is anyone excited for Valentine's Day?

• 17:04Tig Notaro?

  Good transition.

• 17:13Fortune Feimster?

  I used to hate Valentine's Day. I'm not really that like into it now, obviously, but.

• 17:21Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean, obviously?

• 17:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, why obviously, yeah.

• 17:23Tig Notaro?

  It's not obvious to me.

• 17:25Fortune Feimster?

  It's not obvious to me. I don't know. It's just another, it's just another one of those hallmark holidays.

• 17:30Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah, but who cares? Why not take the moment to celebrate?

• 17:34Fortune Feimster?

  That's true. No, I'm happy.

• 17:36Tig Notaro?

  No, it sounds like you're being negative.

• 17:37Fortune Feimster?

  No, I love love. No, I love love.

• 17:40Tig Notaro?

  All right, I love you too.

• 17:42Fortune Feimster?

  But growing up, I had, I probably had a chip on my shoulder about it because I never had a Valentine. And, and so, you know, when you weren't with somebody, that a day like that felt poopy.

• 17:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Watch your mouth. I didn't have Valentines either.

• 18:01Fortune Feimster?

  Ever? You seem like you would have been like a little, have a bunch of girlfriends in like high school or junior high.

• 18:07Tig Notaro?

  No. I didn't know what was up with me yet. My face and my outfits knew, but I didn't.

• 18:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I feel like if you don't have a Valentine and you should just find any kind of like a dog or a kid.

• 18:22Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what?

• 18:23Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, why a dog?

• 18:24Tig Notaro?

  What are we, why a kid?

• 18:26Fortune Feimster?

  No, Tish.

• 18:26Tig Notaro?

  What are we talking about?

• 18:27Fortune Feimster?

  Shower the dog with love. Oh, my God. Yeah, I need to explain this better.

• 18:32Tig Notaro?

  Yes, please.

• 18:33Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 18:34Tig Notaro?

  We're all ears, weirdo.

• 18:36Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 18:38Tig Notaro?

  Weirdo.

• 18:38Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God. I was just, okay, this was my dog.

• 18:41Tig Notaro?

  Call the police.

• 18:42Fortune Feimster?

  Find a dog.

• 18:43Tig Notaro?

  If you don't have a date, find a dog.

• 18:46Fortune Feimster?

  No, my thought process was that when I was in school, like my dad would make us feel really special on Valentine's Day. And it would be like fun games and balloons and stuff. So like if you're feeling sad and lonely, just make it special for a dog or a kid.

• 19:03Fortune Feimster?

  And it'll bring you joy.

• 19:04Tig Notaro?

  Your dog's gonna be pumped about Valentine's Day.

• 19:09Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't have anyone, but now I have a Valentine.

• 19:13Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh. My cats are gonna sleep right through it.

• 19:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, they don't want to even know.

• 19:18Tig Notaro?

  Exhausted sausages.

• 19:20Mae Martin?

  You gotta wake them up.

• 19:21Fortune Feimster?

  The only flowers I was ever sent in high school was from my brother. He sent me Valentine, he sent me flowers.

• 19:28Tig Notaro?

  What was going on there?

• 19:31Tig Notaro?

  What is, what? Nobody has a normal Valentine's Day?

• 19:35Fortune Feimster?

  He was being nice. He sent flowers to me and flowers to my mom.

• 19:39Mae Martin?

  That's nice. And was he already?

• 19:40Fortune Feimster?

  They're yellow. It's friendship flowers.

• 19:43Mae Martin?

  Was he already at college and stuff?

• 19:45Fortune Feimster?

  No, I think I was in ninth grade and maybe he was a senior.

• 19:48Mae Martin?

  Is yellow friendship flowers?

• 19:50Fortune Feimster?

  Uh huh.

• 19:51Mae Martin?

  Huh.

• 19:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yellow is for friendship.

• 19:54Mae Martin?

  What are white?

• 19:55Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, love, I believe.

• 19:56Tig Notaro?

  Triple X.

• 19:58Fortune Feimster?

  What is white? Peace and love?

• 20:01Mae Martin?

  Motorboating?

• 20:02Fortune Feimster?

  Red's romantic.

• 20:03Tig Notaro?

  White is motorboating. White flowers means motorboat.

• 20:08Fortune Feimster?

  My brother, he was probably like, oh, she's, she's not gonna have a Valentine's. Let me send my sisters some flowers.

• 20:14Tig Notaro?

  My brother always sends me flowers. Not always.

• 20:16Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't have a Valentine.

• 20:17Tig Notaro?

  Everyone relax.

• 20:18Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't have a Valentine in college either. I was a real loner.

• 20:22Tig Notaro?

  I didn't go to college.

• 20:24Mae Martin?

  There you go.

• 20:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I didn't have one either. Yeah, I don't think I'm. We should have dated, Fortune.

• 20:29Fortune Feimster?

  I know. Why didn't we?

• 20:31Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. It's so crazy.

• 20:33Fortune Feimster?

  I bet they had male suitors, didn't you?

• 20:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 20:36Mae Martin?

  When? In my teens?

• 20:37Tig Notaro?

  Anytime.

• 20:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I had male suitors, I guess. And then sixteen plus, I had girlfriends and boyfriends.

• 20:45Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. Casta wadna.

• 20:47Mae Martin?

  Do you think if you guys had met in high school or college, and you know, when you don't know any other queer people and you're in a small town, you just think, I guess we'll date? Like, you guys might have dated.

• 20:58Tig Notaro?

  Dang.

• 21:01Tig Notaro?

  I can confirm that we didn't date.

• 21:07Tig Notaro?

  But I think we would have been friends.

• 21:09Fortune Feimster?

  We would have been friends for sure. Be like, check that chick out.

• 21:13Tig Notaro?

  And I'd be like, what? Are you gay?

• 21:17Fortune Feimster?

  No, no. No. No, I just. She's my best. She's my best friend. Yeah. Taking her, I met a long time ago. We were, we were, we're both into feminine women. No, I know, but you know, when you don't really know that yet and you're, and you just meet a queer person and you think, well, I guess I'm just in love with this person because you're like recognizing things about yourself.

• 21:41Tig Notaro?

  Wait, how about those mysterious people from your childhood, from junior high, from high school? That you're like, I know what, like looking back, there's something up with them.

• 21:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 21:57Tig Notaro?

  They're married to a man.

• 22:00Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. I know several of those.

• 22:02Tig Notaro?

  I know where you're like.

• 22:03Fortune Feimster?

  Where I'm like, that person's one hundo gay.

• 22:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, like, wow, you're still sticking with it. There is this one woman who I met like when we were like 20 or something. And I was like, okay, where is your girlfriend? And to this day, still never has a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

• 22:28Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 22:29Tig Notaro?

  Straight as an arrow.

• 22:31Fortune Feimster?

  She's missing out.

• 22:33Tig Notaro?

  Well, claiming to be straight as an arrow. It's so fascinating. There's like, yeah, a long list of people. Yeah. Through life where you're like, wait.

• 22:41Fortune Feimster?

  She needs to travel. Just try the lady train. You know what I mean?

• 22:46Tig Notaro?

  I know what you mean.

• 22:48Fortune Feimster?

  Get a ticket, take, take a ride. It can be one way. It can be round trip.

• 22:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. You can hop on, hop off.

• 22:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 22:57Tig Notaro?

  Like May does. May hops on, hops off.

• 23:00Fortune Feimster?

  May does whatever they want.

• 23:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I mean, with everything.

• 23:04Fortune Feimster?

  No, I, if I, my life would look so different if I did whatever I want.

• 23:08Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. Like you might have a curtain.

• 23:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I would have a curtain.

• 23:16Mae Martin?

  Oh, I'd have like exotic pets, you know, but I know you're not allowed.

• 23:21Tig Notaro?

  What kind of exotic pet?

• 23:22Mae Martin?

  Koala.

• 23:23Tig Notaro?

  Well, you'd probably start dating it because Valentine's Day.

• 23:27Mae Martin?

  I can't. Grab a dog or a.

• 23:31Tig Notaro?

  A koala?

• 23:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'd have a koala. Yeah. Snuggle in my lap right now. Can you imagine? I go, look, guys.

• 23:37Tig Notaro?

  Wait, we don't need to see your, we don't need to see your lap.

• 23:41Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 23:41Tig Notaro?

  Look at my, my legs. Go to YouTube, showing their crotch.

• 23:46Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna need some eucalyptus if you had a koala.

• 23:50Mae Martin?

  You know that, oh, oh, my God, finally, an organic May fact.

• 23:53Fortune Feimster?

  A May fact, finally. It's been forever.

• 23:55Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay. Uh, koalas are actually. I love that that's on your desk, Tig, forever. Um, I said forever.

• 24:04Tig Notaro?

  I wouldn't say forever.

• 24:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm assuming.

• 24:06Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. That's always gonna be there.

• 24:09Fortune Feimster?

  How dare you?

• 24:11Mae Martin?

  Koalas are allergic to eucalyptus and yet they eat it all the time. And that's why they're so sleepy all the time. Cause they're actually, they can't digest it very well.

• 24:18Tig Notaro?

  Oh, they're dumb.

• 24:19Mae Martin?

  They also all have chlamydia and they also have.

• 24:22Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't know that.

• 24:26Mae Martin?

  And their fingerprints are indistinguishable from human fingerprints.

• 24:30Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa, that's weird. And also their favorite artist is Jennifer Lopez.

• 24:40Tig Notaro?

  Every single koala.

• 24:43Fortune Feimster?

  Loves Jennifer Lopez.

• 24:45Tig Notaro?

  Loves J Lo.

• 24:46Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm. And razor blades.

• 24:49Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 24:49Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it sounds like a very exciting, I know it's, we talked about it last week, but it's Tig's anniversary.

• 24:56Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 24:56Fortune Feimster?

  On Valentine's Day.

• 24:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, party kisser on the loose.

• 24:59Fortune Feimster?

  Party kisser. Are you gonna do anything romantic?

• 25:02Tig Notaro?

  Well, party kisser got pinned down, you know?

• 25:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 25:06Tig Notaro?

  But am I doing anything? No. Uh, I feel like there's something that's going on on Valentine's Day where I can't be with my, um, special.

• 25:17Fortune Feimster?

  You're not together?

• 25:18Tig Notaro?

  We're, we're rarely together. Oh, no, I am home on Valentine's Day and then.

• 25:23Fortune Feimster?

  You gotta plan something special.

• 25:25Tig Notaro?

  The Independent Spirit Awards are the day after and we were nominated for best documentary. So I'll be at that. So I will be home, but I think I'm.

• 25:37Tig Notaro?

  Well, I'm gonna be home on the 14th and then the 15th is the awards. So I don't know what the 14th holds.

• 25:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we'll make each other some overnight oats.

• 25:48Tig Notaro?

  I'll meet you in the kitchen for some overnight oats, my love.

• 25:52Fortune Feimster?

  Instead of flower petals, you leave a trail of overnight oats and granola.

• 25:56Tig Notaro?

  Blueberries.

• 25:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's romantic. Maybe you'll wear your nightgown for her.

• 26:03Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, yeah, maybe. We'll see. Or maybe I won't wear my nightgown for her.

• 26:11Fortune Feimster?

  Now we're talking.

• 26:13Tig Notaro?

  Finally.

• 26:14Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, sexy. And I feel like May still has a few days and they could end up with a date for the weekend going to this concert.

• 26:23Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna go to the concert regardless and then, um, yeah, or maybe I'll meet someone at the concert.

• 26:30Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 26:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 26:32Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna set, I'll set up a Valentine, Valentine's Day is, I was proposed to on Valentine's Day. It kind of ruined all future Valentine's Days for me.

• 26:40Fortune Feimster?

  Well, no, you need to reframe.

• 26:42Mae Martin?

  I need to reframe.

• 26:43Fortune Feimster?

  Rewrite your Valentine's.

• 26:45Mae Martin?

  Don't cry 'cause it's over, smile 'cause it happened.

• 26:49Tig Notaro?

  That's right. We'll be right back after this commercial break.

• 26:55Mae Martin?

  Should we get to our question?

• 26:56Tig Notaro?

  I feel that way about you saying that quote. I feel like, don't cry because it happened. Don't cry. What is it?

• 27:05Mae Martin?

  Don't cry 'cause it's over, smile 'cause it happened. You're smiling about me saying that?

• 27:10Tig Notaro?

  About saying that, yeah.

• 27:12Mae Martin?

  That's nice.

• 27:13Tig Notaro?

  Look at I smile.

• 27:14Mae Martin?

  That's beautiful.

• 27:15Tig Notaro?

  Thank you. Um, let's get to our question asker.

• 27:19Mae Martin?

  Today's question asker is an Emmy winning writer, producer, and actor who wrote for SNL from 1995 to 2013. She played Gloria in Girls 5 Eva and stars in the new comedy The Burbs on Peacock. Paula Pell is asking today's question.

• 27:35Fortune Feimster?

  Woo hoo, Paula's very funny. Paula's actually who, uh, wrote the movie I'm filming right now. Paula wrote it with her wife, Janine Brito, and, uh, they're very, very funny. And Paula's a very amazing actress as well.

• 27:50Tig Notaro?

  Awesome.

• 27:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 27:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, let's hear it.

• 27:54Speaker 04

  Hi, hilarious hunks of handsome. It's Paula Pell. Thank you for having me. I love this podcast so much. Here's my question I'm posing to you. What is your absolute worst date you've ever been on? Just like a full diaper from beginning to end.

• 28:11Fortune Feimster?

  A full diaper?

• 28:14Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my, a full diaper. A full diaper. That's funny. I've not heard that phrase. Just a full diaper from beginning to end. Ah, I'm trying to think what to share.

• 28:26Tig Notaro?

  I feel like I don't go out on a lot of dates. I feel like I meet people and then we figure out we like each other.

• 28:35Fortune Feimster?

  And then you're dating.

• 28:36Tig Notaro?

  Then we're dating.

• 28:37Fortune Feimster?

  Right. But even if you just like go out for dinner with someone you're dating, that counts as a date. I mean, my most awkward dates were definitely like early on. This was the time of Craigslist being a hotspot. Do you remember these days?

• 28:55Tig Notaro?

  Did you end up in married threesomes?

• 28:57Fortune Feimster?

  No, I've never been in a threesome. This is not a threesome gal over here.

• 29:05Fortune Feimster?

  Craigslist was like, this would have been, because I came out in 2005. You know, I was like a late bloomer. And Craigslist was very popular at the time for like finding like sports teams or dating or whatever. Like it was a very, the, the community was active on there. And then, you know, eventually someone ruined it by murdering someone. It happens every time. But for a couple of years, you could, like, if you wanted to do anything social.

• 29:33Tig Notaro?

  If you wanted to get murdered.

• 29:35Fortune Feimster?

  Well, we didn't want that, but sometimes, you know, it just happens. And so I had joined some, I had come out and I would join some sports team, was trying to meet. I was trying to meet gay people just for friends. And then I was trying to like get the courage to go on dates, but I had no game. I did not know how to talk to women. I was so awkward. And I went on Craigslist and started emailing with some people, but this was also no pictures. It was all just like women seeking women and you just put traits about yourself. Oh my god. And so I went on a couple of dates via this and they were all terrible. Oh my god.

• 30:20Fortune Feimster?

  I went on three dates, three different women. Total blind date. Total blind dates. That's brave. Barely knew anything and I had, we had zilch in common, all three of us. Yeah. And these were three very different women, very, I mean, it, the first one, I was, we met for coffee and I was so nervous, I like, she had already gotten her, she was kind of nerdy and she had gotten a tea and I sat down and spilled her tea everywhere on the table. Oh my god. So like. And you already know out of the gate, I don't want anything to do with this person. I mean, she's thinking the same about me though, like there's no chemistry.

• 31:04Fortune Feimster?

  But I couldn't stop saying the word gay date. Like I was like, I've never been on a gay date. Have you, do you go on gay dates?

• 31:13Fortune Feimster?

  This is a very interesting gay date. And I was like, what am I doing? Wait, and you weren't being funny? No, I was not being funny. I was being so awkward because I was, I had never been on a. This was my first date with a woman ever in my entire life. Shirt on? I did not. But you know, that was what sucked about coming out late is that these are the awkward things I should have been doing at 16, you know? Yeah. And I was having to do them at like, I don't know, this was like 25, 26 and um. So I was the dork. I was like, oh, this gay date, wow. She's like, you just called it a date. That's so funny. Oh my god.

• 31:59Fortune Feimster?

  I think, I think the coffee lasted forty minutes, maybe tops.

• 32:04Tig Notaro?

  That's too long.

• 32:05Fortune Feimster?

  And then I met another one at a bar, like a lesbian bar, and she seemed really into me. And I was like, uh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I, I was so scared of women. I couldn't, I just couldn't. I was not ready.

• 32:21Tig Notaro?

  You were like, whoa, she wants to motorboat me.

• 32:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but I was not ready for that. And then there was, I, we didn't really have chemistry either. And then the other one, I think, I think we met at a Chili's.

• 32:35Tig Notaro?

  Why are you laughing? You'd still do that now.

• 32:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I would do it now.

• 32:39Tig Notaro?

  Why are you laughing?

• 32:41Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God, we just split triple dippers and, uh,

• 32:45Tig Notaro?

  That sounds good.

• 32:46Fortune Feimster?

  So the date wasn't, you know, we weren't compatible, but man was the triple dipper fantastic. But I just was such a bumbling idiot for a couple of years until I finally just got, you know, like, you just have to practice. It takes just like doing it.

• 33:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 33:03Fortune Feimster?

  But those were the most awkward. And, and when you, when, when you're meeting like that, it's so not organic.

• 33:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 33:11Fortune Feimster?

  You know, you're putting two like totally mismatched people together and just like being like, okay, here you go. It's different, I think, when you like, you know, go online, you're talking. I don't even know if we talked on the phone really, like, we just like went out, which was such a mistake. And then I did another, um, a couple of years later, when I was more comfortable.

• 33:32Tig Notaro?

  Party kisser.

• 33:33Fortune Feimster?

  I know. A couple of years later, I went on.

• 33:35Tig Notaro?

  Did you kiss any of these people?

• 33:37Fortune Feimster?

  No, no, no, no.

• 33:38Tig Notaro?

  You just like peeled out and like drove home going, what the hell? Like, what was your conversation to yourself?

• 33:45Fortune Feimster?

  I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

• 33:46Tig Notaro?

  Oh, God.

• 33:48Fortune Feimster?

  And then I went on, I was never really much into the apps or whatever.

• 33:53Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:53Fortune Feimster?

  I just, um, preferred to try to meet people in person and, uh, This one, um, I, I finally went on the app because I was having a hard time meeting people. And, um, I emailed only two women. Hmm. Um, and they, uh, and I met them both in real life and then found out, um, with, in like a couple of weeks of hanging out, just as friends, that they were dating each other. No. Mm hmm. Cause they were currently dating each other? They were currently dating each other. They had met on the website. Oh, no.

• 34:29Tig Notaro?

  What was the website?

• 34:30Fortune Feimster?

  Ma- I mean, like match.com, I think. Uh huh. And they, but they both continued to stay on.

• 34:37Tig Notaro?

  They were triple dippers.

• 34:38Fortune Feimster?

  The website. And then, uh huh, yeah. And then I was like, and so they were like, we just want to be, they would each were telling me they wanted to be friends. And I was like, why are you on a dating site? Yeah. It was so weird to me. Um, why, like. I hope they're still married. Of course, a couple of months later.

• 34:56Tig Notaro?

  They listen to this podcast now, by the way.

• 34:59Fortune Feimster?

  For sure.

• 35:00Tig Notaro?

  And they regret.

• 35:02Fortune Feimster?

  Well, one of them I did ask out after they'd broken up. I mean, they were, they dated like three months. It was like nothing. And I think I asked a couple of months after that if she wanted to go out and she was like, no. I can't believe you asked me out. And I was like, oh. Oh, my God.

• 35:18Tig Notaro?

  That tone.

• 35:19Fortune Feimster?

  I know. She seemed very, yeah, like very offended. And then like hit on a friend of mine. I was like, okay. This is, I had, I had a couple of years of just bad luck. Just drama, early twenties, fumbling through. I would like girls that didn't like me back and, or they were like confused about their sexuality. I just, it took me a while to really get in, get it right. Like as far as like starting to have good dates. Yeah.

• 35:46Tig Notaro?

  Or were they maybe like turned off by gay date coming up all the time?

• 35:51Fortune Feimster?

  Do that again. That was the first, I just did it on the first one. But yeah, I just think that's what's tough about coming out later is because you wanna, like I said, be, be doing this awkward stuff in your teens. Like, that's when you want to be going through stuff, not when you're like 25 to, you know, late twenties.

• 36:13Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah.

• 36:14Fortune Feimster?

  Cause then it feels worse.

• 36:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And I feel like honestly, it kind of, there's like, sometimes a rested development vibe.

• 36:23Fortune Feimster?

  Totally.

• 36:24Tig Notaro?

  In that, in the community.

• 36:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 36:27Tig Notaro?

  Because people have not experienced.

• 36:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 36:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah. At least now with the apps, you can get so specific about what you're into. You could, you could put.

• 36:37Fortune Feimster?

  Well, now I'm a grown ass woman and.

• 36:40Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay. Geez.

• 36:43Fortune Feimster?

  Now I'm Rico Suave, right?

• 36:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you are. Yeah.

• 36:46Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely.

• 36:48Fortune Feimster?

  I've come a long way. That was 20 years ago. So I was a baby gay, as they call them.

• 36:54Mae Martin?

  I'm thinking of the, the date that sprung to my mind is, um, it was my birthday and I was, I was living in England and I was living with my girlfriend who was closeted. And so I, I had like a little cupboard under the stairs that we would pretend was my bedroom, like Harry Potter.

• 37:11Tig Notaro?

  Adorable. Like her whole house.

• 37:14Mae Martin?

  It was, it was literally a tiny, it was a quarter of the size of this office I'm in now. And it just had a single bed and it was just so if people came over, we could be like, oh no, May sleeps in there.

• 37:25Tig Notaro?

  You sleep in like a little, you sleep in like a little matchbook.

• 37:28Fortune Feimster?

  Like a Barbie dream house.

• 37:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And so it was my birthday and I, I'd started to be like, okay, you gotta start telling people now. And she, and like the pressure was on and it was a sore spot. Anyway, she brought me in the rain to way out to like Richmond, way outside of London, like, like really the outskirts to, to walk around a garden. And I slowly realized that it was just because we wouldn't bump into anyone we knew there. And then also she got tired and so she made me tell them that she needed a wheelchair. And so I pushed her around, I pushed her around this garden in the rain in a wheelchair. Well, and I was like.

• 38:08Tig Notaro?

  This is the hottest thing I've ever heard.

• 38:11Mae Martin?

  I was like, this sucks. And then

• 38:14Fortune Feimster?

  Sounds awful.

• 38:15Mae Martin?

  Oh, it was awful. And, and

• 38:17Tig Notaro?

  Wait, where did the wheelchair come from?

• 38:19Fortune Feimster?

  And why could she not walk? Y'all were young.

• 38:22Mae Martin?

  We were young. She was just tired. She was like,

• 38:25Tig Notaro?

  I need to pull that from time with Stephanie.

• 38:29Mae Martin?

  And then, and then we went back to our apartment and then she was like, oh, my friend's coming over. So can you like not be weird? And then I was like, okay, well, I wanted to take a bath. And she was like, well, that'll be weird if you take

• 38:43Fortune Feimster?

  You love a bath, though.

• 38:44Mae Martin?

  I love a bath. Anyway,

• 38:45Fortune Feimster?

  I love a bath, too.

• 38:47Tig Notaro?

  I love you, too.

• 38:50Mae Martin?

  And then the other bad date I could think of that actually

• 38:53Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, can I ask a follow up? I want to hear this one. But did y'all last much longer?

• 38:59Mae Martin?

  We were together three and a half years and, and only a handful of people.

• 39:03Tig Notaro?

  And she was in the closet the whole time?

• 39:04Mae Martin?

  Pretty much. Yeah. I mean, everyone knew our, our friends, but they were British people in their twenties, too awkward to say anything. I was like, this is, yeah, I mean, I should have got a

• 39:13Tig Notaro?

  I'll be honest, I don't know how I missed how the wheelchair ended up.

• 39:18Fortune Feimster?

  She just got tired.

• 39:19Mae Martin?

  They just had spare wheelchairs for, you know, the elderly and stuff at Kiwi Gardens. You could rent them. And she said, can you go and tell them that I'm, I need one? And that, you know, I have a leg problem or something. And then I, I went and got one and I was, I just remember pushing her around, being so tired. And it dawning on me that we were out in the middle of nowhere. So we wouldn't bump into, yeah.

• 39:42Tig Notaro?

  You know, that's interesting. Even though this isn't what you were saying, I just had this memory that my first girlfriend, she would want to hold my hand and I was so uncomfortable that I would, I'd limp when she held my hand.

• 39:59Mae Martin?

  Like, really?

• 40:00Tig Notaro?

  I would act like I needed Her to help me.

• 40:04Mae Martin?

  Oh, like that's why she was holding your hand?

• 40:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 40:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God. Oh, her little internal homophobia.

• 40:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, seriously. Yeah, yeah.

• 40:17Fortune Feimster?

  So glad to be far from that.

• 40:19Tig Notaro?

  I know, I know. I was, I was very, very uncomfortable.

• 40:24Fortune Feimster?

  And then what was your other one, May, that you were gonna talk about?

• 40:26Mae Martin?

  The other one, it actually ended up being a fun weekend, but it was with an ex of mine. We went up to Big Bear and I, and I was like crazy about her and we're, we're in the car. We got up to Big Bear and it was like day one and I, she said something like, well, we should probably talk about where this is going. And I was like, yeah, great. I wanted to go everywhere to the moon and the stars, baby. Yeah. And she was like, oh, well, I'm not really sure what I want. And I, it, then I was like, fuck, we have this whole weekend now. And I, I was like visibly shaken by that, but I'm like, no, I'm gonna be cool. And I had rented this Airbnb and it was the middle of winter and snowing and we got in the hot tub that night and it was nighttime

• 41:07Mae Martin?

  and we locked ourselves out and it was snow and the, and we're in the hot tub, but the, the Airbnb was 45 minutes from anywhere. And

• 41:16Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 41:17Mae Martin?

  And we're in our bathing suits, but we had our phones. So we called the company that ran the, and they said, well, we can have someone to you in about 90 minutes or something, but the roads were so icy, people were like, and so we're just freezing, but also the chlorine and the bleach and the hot tub that we were in there for hours. And when I got out, my black bathing suit was bleached, like almost orange.

• 41:41Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wow. That was a long time.

• 41:43Mae Martin?

  The guy showed up and he'd forgotten the key and he had to take the whole front door off its hinges to get us in and then put it back on. And then basically the next morning we woke up and our skin was like cracking dry. It was the biggest boner killer. We had to go to CVS, buy as much moisturizer as we could. You would have loved it.

• 42:02Fortune Feimster?

  Well, did you at least put the lotion on each other?

• 42:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure we did.

• 42:06Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, you could make a, you know, make something with that.

• 42:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that sounds like a terrible weekend.

• 42:12Tig Notaro?

  Especially the woman that was lazy and wanted to sit in a wheelchair.

• 42:17Fortune Feimster?

  Well, the wheelchair one is wild.

• 42:20Tig Notaro?

  I know, but that is just like, I am tired.

• 42:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:26Tig Notaro?

  And like push me around in a wheelchair.

• 42:30Fortune Feimster?

  Emma, she had to pretend that you lived in a Barbie dream house under the stairs.

• 42:34Mae Martin?

  She was a real character. There's more stories there.

• 42:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh, those aren't the only two?

• 42:41Fortune Feimster?

  Cause did you draw from some of that for feel good? Cause wasn't that character in the closet?

• 42:46Mae Martin?

  I did a bit, but um, in feel good, I made you really root for the relationship, I think.

• 42:51Fortune Feimster?

  Right, right.

• 42:52Mae Martin?

  And in real life, I don't think anyone was rooting for it.

• 42:54Fortune Feimster?

  Everyone was like, okay, it's time to move on.

• 42:56Mae Martin?

  Yep.

• 42:56Fortune Feimster?

  As she's rolling around a wheelchair outside.

• 43:00Tig Notaro?

  I'm exhausted.

• 43:01Fortune Feimster?

  Just cause she's tired.

• 43:04Tig Notaro?

  An exhausted sausage.

• 43:07Mae Martin?

  Tig, what about you? Well, yeah, you're, so you don't go on many dates, but.

• 43:11Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 43:12Fortune Feimster?

  Would you, you probably asked.

• 43:14Tig Notaro?

  Don't yell at me, Fortune. Don't yell at me.

• 43:17Fortune Feimster?

  Someone who had the confidence to ask them girls out.

• 43:19Tig Notaro?

  No. Oh my God. No, I didn't ask girls out.

• 43:23Fortune Feimster?

  Even in LA?

• 43:24Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 43:25Fortune Feimster?

  Even in Colorado?

• 43:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh. This, this girl in LA, she was a stand up writer, producer, person that I just like, would meet, I, I, you know, we just became friends and we really like enjoyed each other.

• 43:46Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh. I um, I never want to overstep.

• 43:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:54Tig Notaro?

  Or make somebody uncomfortable.

• 43:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:57Tig Notaro?

  Uh, and I don't like to assume anybody is attracted to me. Like I, it's, it's crippling, you know?

• 44:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:06Tig Notaro?

  And um, she, and she had never been into a woman before. Um, and uh,

• 44:16Tig Notaro?

  we hung out and was she, she lived in this apartment in San.

• 44:23Fortune Feimster?

  Like to get herself over.

• 44:26Tig Notaro?

  I'm just, it's so hilarious because we're still friends and she's, you know, she's great. It's just so funny to think back before we knew each other better. And so she had me over, we went to her, the roof of her apartment in Santa Monica. And it was like, hey, yeah, so want to come sit with me on the swing? And I was like, sure. And, and I'm like, is she into me? Like, I, I just didn't know what was happening. And so we're like swinging and then she's like, well, it's, it's getting late. Do you want to spend the night? And I was like, um, and it was, to be fair, it was very late.

• 45:07Tig Notaro?

  Um, but I mean, it's not like I couldn't drive back to Hollywood from Santa Monica. But I was like, um, sure. And, um, so I stay, I, she makes up the couch for me. Okay, that is confusing then. This is mixed signals. Yeah. Well, I think I probably had something to do where I was, I, I could imagine. You made up the couch. I probably was like, I, I could sleep on the couch. You know what I mean? Like, I was trying to like, probably get ahead of things. And so I'm like on her couch and she's in her bedroom. And then, uh, you just hear this voice go, um, um, Tig?

• 45:52Tig Notaro?

  And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, are you comfortable on the couch?

• 45:57Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, man, she wanted you to come in the bedroom.

• 46:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 46:00Fortune Feimster?

  And you probably went, yep.

• 46:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 46:06Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God.

• 46:08Fortune Feimster?

  So nothing happened? Putting it out there.

• 46:10Tig Notaro?

  No, I mean, we ended up like hooking up, making out, kissing, like, um. That night? No.

• 46:18Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, so when I was spinning. Tig was not picking up on anything.

• 46:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's like you have to absolutely.

• 46:26Fortune Feimster?

  Just kiss you.

• 46:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it, it, because there's no world that I will, um.

• 46:33Tig Notaro?

  Do that.

• 46:34Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 46:34Tig Notaro?

  I just.

• 46:35Fortune Feimster?

  I was pretty bad about that, too. I never knew if someone liked me.

• 46:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I think I've mentioned a story also about this girl that when she was done with me, after we had.

• 46:47Fortune Feimster?

  Done with me sexually?

• 46:49Tig Notaro?

  No, she was, she was so done with me because it just, it just, it was not happening. And then, of course, it created that situation where, where I became more interested in her.

• 47:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 47:05Tig Notaro?

  When she was less interested. And one time I stopped by her house, I think I mentioned this on the show, wearing the shirt that she always would tell me I looked cute in.

• 47:20Fortune Feimster?

  She was like, huh?

• 47:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 47:23Tig Notaro?

  She, yeah, wasn't having any of it.

• 47:26Fortune Feimster?

  It didn't do it.

• 47:27Tig Notaro?

  No, no, but, but we're totally pals still.

• 47:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 47:32Tig Notaro?

  We haven't really ever talked about that.

• 47:36Mae Martin?

  About you on the sofa?

• 47:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and it's also, I mean, like, we're both married with kids and like rarely see each other. I think it's been like 10 years since I've seen her.

• 47:48Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay.

• 47:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. But anyway, that was uncomfortable. And I was fully to blame.

• 47:56Mae Martin?

  Tig, are you comfortable on the sofa?

• 47:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 48:00Fortune Feimster?

  Everything's good.

• 48:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 48:03Fortune Feimster?

  I, yeah, I, I definitely had some awkward like phone calls where I liked someone, but I, nothing was ever happening. And I, it would just drag out and drag out and drag out. And finally I would just call them and be like, I like you. And they would be like, I don't like you like that. And I'm like, okay, okay, bye.

• 48:24Tig Notaro?

  Wrong number.

• 48:28Fortune Feimster?

  God, my twenties were a mess.

• 48:31Tig Notaro?

  I would love to see.

• 48:32Fortune Feimster?

  But once I hit thirty, I found my stride.

• 48:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 48:35Fortune Feimster?

  But man, those twen- those twenties were, oof.

• 48:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I, I, yeah, it's rough thinking back on my life before. Oh, my God. I'm always like, my apologies to everyone. My apologies. I just, I was just not great at things.

• 48:55Fortune Feimster?

  Wow. It's a weird thing. Some people are good at it and some people aren't. But then eventually you found your, your right person. And then it was so easy, right?

• 49:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I mean, God, so easy. But it's also, um, I don't know what I was gonna say. Hmm. Oh, I know what I was gonna say. It's so impressive, though, Fortune, that you felt that way and you still put yourself out there. Like, I didn't, I, I didn't ever do that at all.

• 49:28Fortune Feimster?

  It was so hard. I mean, I was like, you know, my stomach was in knots.

• 49:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. But still, that's like true bravery and like strength because it is because you're, you're so full of fear and insecurity. And you're, you're like, I'm still gonna put myself out there.

• 49:49Fortune Feimster?

  I, what, it, it had gone on where we were in this weird, like in between for a bit where I couldn't. It, part of it was I just couldn't take it anymore. Like the not knowing, because I was, my feelings were continuing to develop. And, and I, I had this like run where I liked a couple of, uh, not at the same time, but I liked a couple of women in a row. Uh, that unrequited love thing.

• 50:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 50:16Fortune Feimster?

  And I don't, I couldn't get out of that pattern where I just was like falling for these people that just nothing was happening. And, um, and, but I, I was developing feelings. And I just got to the point where I was like, I have to. I have to like find out because not that I won't be their friend, but I need to know so that I can put my energy elsewhere if this isn't gonna develop. So yeah, it was basically just after a while of me just not wanting to feel that like awful in between anymore.

• 50:48Mae Martin?

  And now you and Tig are such good friends.

• 50:51Fortune Feimster?

  Look at us.

• 50:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we made it through.

• 50:53Fortune Feimster?

  I could take a slap on my couch.

• 50:55Tig Notaro?

  I was also, I don't know how I ended up on this coffee date with a girl. It was right after, it was in 2012, after all the hell I had been through. And, and she was like, well, there you go, Fortune. She looked like a version of Jennifer Aniston, you know? And, but she was so deeply boring. I like, I was, I was truly staring at her like, how on earth are you choosing these words and sentences? And I was so confused.

• 51:35Tig Notaro?

  And after our, our coffee, she texted me, that was so nice. And I was like, oh boy. And then she knew that I had a show that night and she texted me before the show saying, have a good show. And I was like, uh oh. And then, yeah, and then at night, when I was in bed, I got a text from her saying, sweet dreams. And I was like, oh my God. I, I called her.

• 52:02Mae Martin?

  Red flag.

• 52:03Tig Notaro?

  I called her Texter for Aniston. But I was just like, no, no, no, no. And, and that was actually a story I had told Stephanie before we got involved. And then when she and I exchanged numbers, she texted me at 11 o'clock that night and said, sweet dreams.

• 52:21Mae Martin?

  She's good with those callbacks.

• 52:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, she's good. But anyway, I can't even imagine the, the awkward stories people have about me.

• 52:30Mae Martin?

  Oh my God, wouldn't it be nice to hear what people say about you?

• 52:34Tig Notaro?

  Well, it makes me think I would love to text that friend, the comedian, writer, producer, what if it was Paula Pell?

• 52:45Tig Notaro?

  No, that that went on with all those years ago and just be like, how hilarious. How hilarious. And what are your memories of that?

• 52:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, that would be funny.

• 52:57Tig Notaro?

  Anyway.

• 52:58Speaker 04

  Uh, let's hear Paula Pell.

• 52:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 53:00Speaker 04

  After my divorce, I went on a date. Someone fixed me up with someone. I had moved to LA and they fixed me up with this girl. And I was all excited. I got it blow dry and got my nails done and I was all nervous. And I got ready early and sat and waited with my purse in my lap like I was waiting for church to start. And I was waiting for her call because she had a meeting at like seven and was going to be done, ready for dinner at Cantor's at eight. We're going to have a little deli meal, all excited. And she just kept delaying, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Because I kept having to check in. Hey, are we still doing this? So sorry. I'm walking my friend to his car. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm talking to my friend. He's going through something.

• 53:44Speaker 04

  I'll be there very soon. I'll call you. Finally about, I'm not kidding, two hours go by and I'm like, if you want to cancel and we can do this some other time. I had completely melted all my, all my beautification. And she said, no, no, I don't have my car. Can you pick me up at this corner and we can go to, go to a bar? So I picked her up. We went to the bar and started talking. She was really nice and we're laughing and talking. And she proceeds to tell me that she went to dine with her friend she was talking to that delayed the date at Cantor's where we were supposed to be going.

• 54:22Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 54:23Speaker 04

  And she thought it was funny and she was just telling me like, can you believe it? We did that.

• 54:27Tig Notaro?

  That's so weird.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  But I had very low self-esteem at the time. So of course, at the end of the date, I was like, I hope she still wants to make out with me, which she did not.

• 54:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh my lord.

• 54:40Fortune Feimster?

  God dang.

• 54:41Tig Notaro?

  Paula, you don't deserve that. Is Paula in a relationship now?

• 54:45Fortune Feimster?

  Paula's happily married.

• 54:46Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay. She remarried.

• 54:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, Paula remarried and is so happy.

• 54:51Tig Notaro?

  Oh, good. How long has she been with her wife? Her new, her new, probably not new?

• 54:56Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. They've been together for a bit. I don't know how long though. Yeah, but they, they seem like a great fit.

• 55:01Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 55:02Mae Martin?

  The nerve of that date.

• 55:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 55:04Mae Martin?

  To be like, so funny. While you were waiting, I went to the place we were gonna go.

• 55:08Fortune Feimster?

  That's so rude.

• 55:10Tig Notaro?

  Isn't that so silly of me?

• 55:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I did ask someone, I thought I asked someone on a date once. This is again, back in my twenties. And it was one of those outdoor movies. This was like, and a bunch of my friends were going. I was like, oh, this is the perfect, like, first date. Like, we can kind of get to know each other. So I asked this girl and she brought a date.

• 55:32Tig Notaro?

  Oh, brutal. That's like Mike Birbiglia, my girlfriend's boyfriend.

• 55:39Fortune Feimster?

  She, I had, I like sat there and had to like entertain her date, like, like, she's like, Fortune's so funny.

• 55:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god.

• 55:52Fortune Feimster?

  What am I doing with my life?

• 55:54Tig Notaro?

  Those kind of moments of truly where you catch yourself in a, where you're like, what?

• 56:01Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 56:01Tig Notaro?

  How?

• 56:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 56:03Tig Notaro?

  Did I end up here?

• 56:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 56:05Mae Martin?

  Crazy.

• 56:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that is so funny.

• 56:10Mae Martin?

  I'm excited for the Paula Pell's movie with you in it, Fortune.

• 56:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, when does that come out?

• 56:15Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, we're, this is the one we're filming now, so I don't know.

• 56:18Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 56:19Fortune Feimster?

  But yeah.

• 56:19Tig Notaro?

  Well, ask Paula Pell.

• 56:20Fortune Feimster?

  Paula and, Paula and her wife, Janine, wrote it, so.

• 56:24Tig Notaro?

  Oh, amazing.

• 56:25Fortune Feimster?

  They wrote it together. They're both really fantastic comedy writers.

• 56:28Tig Notaro?

  That's so cool.

• 56:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yes. And they live on a farm as lesbians do?

• 56:35Tig Notaro?

  Wait, in real life?

• 56:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 56:37Mae Martin?

  Really? Like with chickens and stuff, cows?

• 56:39Fortune Feimster?

  They've got animals.

• 56:40Tig Notaro?

  Why is she invited me?

• 56:41Fortune Feimster?

  It's in, I think it's in New York, somewhere in New York.

• 56:44Tig Notaro?

  I can travel.

• 56:45Mae Martin?

  All right. Well, tell Paulie you want to go to her farm.

• 56:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That's my big dream in the, in the end. Oh, my gosh. But it's my big dream is I want to, I want to start an animal sanctuary.

• 56:56Fortune Feimster?

  I could see that for you.

• 56:58Tig Notaro?

  And to go back to wheelchairs.

• 57:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 57:01Tig Notaro?

  I want.

• 57:03Fortune Feimster?

  Bring it full circle.

• 57:04Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I would love to have an animal sanctuary with animals that are like in wheelchairs.

• 57:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, like three-legged donkeys and so, yeah.

• 57:14Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh. Try to stop me.

• 57:17Fortune Feimster?

  I bet you'll do it.

• 57:18Tig Notaro?

  That is, I mean, that's what I want.

• 57:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I love that for you, bud.

• 57:24Tig Notaro?

  Thanks. I love you too. Well, awesome. That was fun.

• 57:29Mae Martin?

  That was so fun. What do you guys have coming up on the, well, Valentine's Day, right?

• 57:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, big New York City Beacon Theater, February 14th, and then in March, I have San Diego, Oklahoma City, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Little Rock, Arkansas, and a bunch of those rescheduled dates, like Toronto and San Antonio and Portland. I'm so sorry I had to reschedule again, but I'm coming. I promise.

• 57:55Tig Notaro?

  I'll be in Tucson, Santa Fe, Ventura, California, Monterey, Los Angeles, Charleston, West Virginia, Cincinnati, Chattanooga, Knoxville, Keene, New Hampshire, Newtown, Connecticut, Portland, Maine, Red Bank, New Jersey, Bellingham, Washington, Brooks, California, San Luis Obispo, Albany, New York, Peekskill, New York, Clayton, New York. Do you, oh, this is when I can go see the animals, Rochester, New York.

• 58:25Fortune Feimster?

  There you go.

• 58:25Tig Notaro?

  Kalispell, Montana, Spokane, Washington, Eugene, Calgary, Omaha, Oklahoma, all of those places. I will be there. Tignotaro.com. Looking forward to it. I'll be with Amy Berkman, the speed painter opening for me, raising money for. Good causes, including for animals. That's what I'm up to.

• 58:48Mae Martin?

  All right. I am tomorrow night, I'm at Largo in LA, trying out my new hour before I go on tour to all those cities then. February 26th, Oklahoma, and the 27th, Houston and Dallas. And go to maymartin.net. It's selling out, but there's still some tickets available. See if I'm coming to your town. And I can't wait.

• 59:12Tig Notaro?

  Subscribe, rate, review. Also subscribe to YouTube so you can see Fortune touching her knockers.

• 59:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 59:21Tig Notaro?

  All right.

• 59:21Mae Martin?

  Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

• 59:22Tig Notaro?

  Share an episode with a friend. And I mean, it's really-

• 59:27Mae Martin?

  That's the noise they make. I don't know what to tell you.

• 59:29Tig Notaro?

  No, I know. I used to have those things. They're still, they're still bouncing in the dumpster. But yeah, it's a wonderful community of people. Just a sea of handsome merchandise at the shows. It's so wonderful.

• 59:43Mae Martin?

  It's so nice.

• 59:43Tig Notaro?

  You guys are the best. Yeah.

• 59:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're so, so great.

• 59:46Tig Notaro?

  And until next time, what do you say we? Keep it handsome.

• 59:52Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. And please follow us on social media, at HandsomePod.

• 1:00:07Tig Notaro?

  What a podcast.

• 1:00:08Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast.

• 1:00:13Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 1:00:16Speaker 05

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 1:00:17Speaker 06

  And Hannah Simone.

• 1:00:19Speaker 05

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog-

• 1:00:40Speaker 06

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:00:53Speaker 05

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:01:04Speaker 06

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.

• 1:01:12Speaker 00

  This December, the magic of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol returns to Virginia Repertory Theater in downtown Richmond. Experience the transformation of Ebenezer Scrooge as he's visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future, and rediscovers the joy and true meaning of the holiday season. Performances run November 18th through December 27th. Tickets on sale now at virginia rep.org or by calling 804-282-2620.