MBMBaM 798: Round and Swallowable

Don't sleep on this one, especially not with special sleep gel on your head. We've got a giant quesadilla full of advice about not-so-hot pizza, ransoming your family from bears, and sudden revelations about the Steve Miller Band. Suggested talking points: Seven Sleepy Samurai, Neither Hot Nor Ready, Rupture Your Flesh Prison, Trade Up to a Broken House, A Bear Has My Family Immigrant Defenders Law Center: https://www.immdef.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello. Hello. And welcome to My Brother My Brother Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:17Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, do you like the most like sort of genial welcoming, like welcome to my cabin style?

• 1:22Travis McElroy?

  Oh, didn't see you come in there. Ah, come here and have a seat traveler. Sit by the fire, warm yourself. What's up Trav Nation?

• 1:31Travis McElroy?

  Time out, time out. Stop, stop, time out on this. This wasn't my travelers. Did you ever think about that? Like Trav Nation is good, but like travelers.

• 1:41Travis McElroy?

  That's what our emissaries are called.

• 1:42Travis McElroy?

  I felt the capital Trav in my head. I hope.

• 1:45Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, when we send them out into the world, our dignitaries, our ambassadors, ambassadors, that's what I was looking for. They're travelers. Anyways, what's up Trav Nation? I gotta finish. I gotta say the whole thing. What's up Trav Nation? It's me, your most brother Travis, Big Dog Wolf, Vroom Vroom, The Rocket McElroy. Thank you.

• 2:05Griffin McElroy?

  Travelers to mine head. Supper and mine cauldrons bubbling unchance and feast upon my fatted goose I'm griffing back a roy. That was my take.

• 2:19Travis McElroy?

  That's a trick. What you've set up is a trap.

• 2:22Griffin McElroy?

  Why is that? Hold on. No, no, no. Let's get to the bottom of what Travis just said. Cause I'm worried that there's a little bit of hate behind it. Why do you think that's a trap Travis?

• 2:30Travis McElroy?

  I'm just saying that I, you said a cave, I believe.

• 2:34Griffin McElroy?

  Anyone with a, I didn't say cave. No, I didn't say cave, but your mind filled in cave because you heard unchance and you heard fatted goose and you thought this must be some sort of nasty witch or warlock. And I think that sucks, dude.

• 2:45Travis McElroy?

  No, I, I've noticed over our decades of, of creating the highest quality digital entertainment. That if there is one character archetype that really gets the three of us, gets our rocks hard.

• 2:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:57Travis McElroy?

  It's, it's, it's being able to do a nasty merchant. We love that.

• 3:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:01Travis McElroy?

  We love like a globular, like lots of like pus in the throat.

• 3:06Griffin McElroy?

  Sick, sick. Welcome traveler. You've got a lot of wonderful goods like.

• 3:11Travis McElroy?

  I hear your bag jingling with gold. Many, many beautiful coins to race my palm.

• 3:18Griffin McElroy?

  I think the new Resident Evil game, they should get rid of the zombies entirely. Or the movie that's coming out, that's going to beat absolute ass. Zack Craigers.

• 3:28Travis McElroy?

  Resident Evil. They're letting them do a good one.

• 3:30Griffin McElroy?

  They're letting them do a good one. Get rid of zombies. Now the Umbrella Corporation has invented the M virus. And it turns you into the nasty merchant from Resident Evil four. So it's just you and it's a bunch of dudes coming at you with fucking deals on nine millimeter ammunition. And yeah.

• 3:48Travis McElroy?

  Occasionally you, you, you run into the Duke from Resident Evil Village and he's like, I don't know about those guys.

• 3:55Travis McElroy?

  I don't know those dudes.

• 3:56Travis McElroy?

  I'm not with them.

• 3:57Travis McElroy?

  They're not with me.

• 3:59Travis McElroy?

  I'm not with them. If the Duke at any point had been like, Justin, do you want to go? Do you want to get out of here?

• 4:06Travis McElroy?

  Let's go. It kind of sucks here. I've noticed. This sock sucks here, dude.

• 4:11Travis McElroy?

  Look at these guys. Look behind you. There's another guy. Kevin's going to kill you. Let's get out of here.

• 4:15Travis McElroy?

  There's like a werewolf man. There's some kind of hairy giant who's angry. I've seen a few of these and Jean Claude Van Damme's going to show up at the end and his arm's going to be. Your tentacle and he's gonna kill you on top of a volcano. So we should just fucking beat cheeks. I can buy you a new baby. I don't want to tell you my source or nothing, but I know where to get a baby. Yeah, for sure.

• 4:38Travis McElroy?

  You keep coming back and buying green herbs. Just go.

• 4:41Travis McElroy?

  Just go.

• 4:42Travis McElroy?

  Get out of here.

• 4:42Travis McElroy?

  Oh, you want some better green herb? Wink wink.

• 4:45Travis McElroy?

  Uh? Talk about you a green herb.

• 4:47Griffin McElroy?

  Guys, I want to congratulate us.

• 4:49Travis McElroy?

  I got that Criterion Inception in here. Let's go.

• 4:52Griffin McElroy?

  How has nobody ever made a joke about how in Resident Evil, the green herb you heal yourself with is like a weed joke? It's crazy.

• 4:59Travis McElroy?

  Nobody's ever thought about it. I need to get on.

• 5:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:01Travis McElroy?

  I need to get on Tea Fury right now. Just start trademarking stuff. You know what I mean? Like the podcast.

• 5:08Griffin McElroy?

  We don't trademark enough of our jokes. Like we trademark our great ideas. I hold many trademarks and patents, but we never do jokes.

• 5:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:15Griffin McElroy?

  The one where in Resident Evil, it's like you heal yourself with like marijuana, like marijuana leaf, a marijuana plant. That's ours.

• 5:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man. I was thinking about how, uh, this show, we started in 2010. And so this is, this will be our 16th year of, of excellence. I was thinking about, and I, this may be something we'd have to source with our listeners, but there's gotta be some more superlatives that we could attach to ourselves at this point, right? Like my brother, my brother and me, the podcast has to at least be the longest running podcast hosted by brothers. Like is at least that?

• 5:50Griffin McElroy?

  I'm.

• 5:51Travis McElroy?

  Is it like the most?

• 5:52Griffin McElroy?

  I do think.

• 5:52Travis McElroy?

  That a brother podcast is gone or something like, I just feel like at our age, we should be able to like spin the numbers into a superlative that would like be impressive, more impressive than what we have now.

• 6:04Travis McElroy?

  Most nominated for, uh, iHeart Radio.

• 6:07Travis McElroy?

  That's good. Most, most.

• 6:09Travis McElroy?

  Best ad read, best ad read.

• 6:11Griffin McElroy?

  Without winning. I mean, fuck that, man. Like as long as we've been around, I'm pretty sure we've been nominated for best ad reads for the iHeart Radio Podcast Awards every single year. So if you strip away all of that sort of like specificity, we might be the most nominated podcast from the iHeart Radio Podcast Awards. Or is it iHeart Media now? They've changed it a couple of times.

• 6:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, iHeart Podcast. I didn't realize they gave a Golden Globe for best podcast until like today.

• 6:39Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, we don't.

• 6:39Travis McElroy?

  We weren't even nominated.

• 6:41Griffin McElroy?

  We didn't. I didn't. That didn't cross my desk, unfortunately. Yeah.

• 6:45Travis McElroy?

  We didn't.

• 6:45Travis McElroy?

  Maybe next year.

• 6:46Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe.

• 6:46Travis McElroy?

  But I didn't see who won, but congratulations to Dax Shepard, I'm sure.

• 6:50Griffin McElroy?

  Dax has got a big.

• 6:51Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 6:52Griffin McElroy?

  I, um. I think they should just do a best ad reads category at the Golden Globes.

• 6:58Travis McElroy?

  We wouldn't win that one either, but we might get nominated.

• 7:02Griffin McElroy?

  But it would be great to be a Golden Globe nominated pot. Yeah.

• 7:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but just to hear Mahershala Ali say, my brother, my brother, me out loud would be worth it just to get the nomination.

• 7:11Griffin McElroy?

  You can probably cut clips together of Mahershala Ali's work in the past to make it sound like he said the name.

• 7:16Travis McElroy?

  My brother, my brother.

• 7:18Griffin McElroy?

  And.

• 7:18Travis McElroy?

  And me.

• 7:20Travis McElroy?

  Um, Trav, I almost asked you about this before the show, but then I realized it would be better to hear about during the show because I'm, I'm really curious. You did a sleep study.

• 7:28Griffin McElroy?

  I did. How'd it go? Did you, did you do a good job? Did you get some?

• 7:31Travis McElroy?

  No, I don't think I did. So the thing was Teresa asked me this morning. She was like, what was it like?

• 7:38Travis McElroy?

  Uh, where did you go? Wait, how did Teresa see you? Were you not in a lab?

• 7:42Travis McElroy?

  This is the weirdest thing. My appointment was from eight PM to six AM. So I got there eight PM at like nine 15, nine 15. They're like, go to bed. We'll wake you up at five 30. I was like, what is this?

• 7:55Griffin McElroy?

  So you got a bed. I've never done this or seen it or know anything about it. I assumed it was sort of like a Bacta tank. Like you're in like Dr. Light's special cyber pod or something like that. And they just like got your, your stats up.

• 8:07Travis McElroy?

  The most surreal thing about the experience.

• 8:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:12Travis McElroy?

  Is that it was like almost like, if you know about liminal spaces, it had that feeling of like, this is almost a hotel room. This is almost a bed. This is almost a blanket. The pillows were like crinkly plastic.

• 8:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:27Travis McElroy?

  I guess that they don't have to wear. So it's like, yeah, this is what we think a pillow that you humans would use, right? Like it would have this feeling of like, this is.

• 8:36Travis McElroy?

  Like those people are always also going home at night and getting into bedrooms. Like they don't know what a bed looks like. Like you know, this is it. Everyone is sleeping in these things. It doesn't have to be a special science with.

• 8:48Travis McElroy?

  The blanket was like the idea of a blanket, but it provided no comfort or warmth.

• 8:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:54Travis McElroy?

  They, I, at one point.

• 8:56Travis McElroy?

  What level of sleep paraphernalia were you allowed to bring in?

• 8:59Travis McElroy?

  Thank you for asking. I was not allowed to bring my own pillows. I was not allowed to bring my own blanket. I even brought a purple pillowcase so that I did not ruin one of their pillows and they were like, no, you can't use that.

• 9:11Travis McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 9:11Travis McElroy?

  You have to use our pillowcases.

• 9:13Travis McElroy?

  What are they gonna learn from me not sleeping all night long?

• 9:16Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:16Travis McElroy?

  And just tossing and turning.

• 9:17Travis McElroy?

  I don't know.

• 9:18Travis McElroy?

  Thinking about dying. Like what, how'd your study go?

• 9:20Griffin McElroy?

  If you remove one of Justin's totems, the whole thing absolutely collapses.

• 9:25Travis McElroy?

  It was wild.

• 9:26Travis McElroy?

  You're gonna fail this test. I'm gonna fail. I can't sleep without my, all my different sleep gems. I need them.

• 9:33Travis McElroy?

  It felt like-

• 9:34Travis McElroy?

  I was putting them together last night and Sid said, you're assembling your seven samurai. Yes, yes, my seven sleepy samurai. We're getting all, all together.

• 9:42Travis McElroy?

  This felt like if I was taking like the, uh, practical driver's exam.

• 9:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:47Travis McElroy?

  And then right before the test started, they were like, oh, and by the way, we changed all the controls around so the buttons don't do what you think they do.

• 9:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:56Travis McElroy?

  Have fun, cause they like hooked me up to all these things. There's like, there's, there were some things on my chin and my like temples, right? And a hose that went like with two prongs up my nose. And it all connected in the back with one of those like, uh, sleeves, like one might use for cable management at their desk.

• 10:13Travis McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 10:14Travis McElroy?

  And there were like things running down and they're like, okay, if one of these becomes disconnected in the night, it'll show up like on our system and we'll come in and fix it.

• 10:26Travis McElroy?

  Great.

• 10:27Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. While I'm asleep.

• 10:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they must be very sneaky.

• 10:31Travis McElroy?

  And so I lay down and suddenly I'm super aware of my, uh, matrix like tethers.

• 10:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:39Travis McElroy?

  Holding me to this bed and that's suddenly all I could think about is like, how do I not knock these off? How do I do this?

• 10:48Griffin McElroy?

  As a result of the study, did they figure out why you dream about kissing Santa Claus every single night?

• 10:53Travis McElroy?

  They actually said that's normal. They said it's weird if you don't dream about kissing Santa Claus every night.

• 10:58Travis McElroy?

  Do they, do they film? My understanding is they film the dreams that you're having on a big screen. They watch Inside the Lab. Is that?

• 11:07Travis McElroy?

  That is correct.

• 11:08Griffin McElroy?

  And they come out as orbs and some of the orbs are red and you, when you-

• 11:13Travis McElroy?

  Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. What come out as orbs?

• 11:16Griffin McElroy?

  The dream movies. That they record during the, when they have you tethered.

• 11:20Travis McElroy?

  You haven't had a sleep study, Justin, so.

• 11:22Travis McElroy?

  It's not a monitor that they're watching on the screen.

• 11:26Travis McElroy?

  It starts on a monitor. And if it's a good one, they hit record and they actually.

• 11:31Griffin McElroy?

  Harvest the dream in a sphere. And you do have to sign a special release before they're allowed to watch the red orbs.

• 11:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Joseph Gordon Levitt is there and he says, hit record and you hit record.

• 11:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Joseph Gordon Levitt lives exclusively inside my red orbs. He's, uh, he's in there and he's stepping, he's stepping.

• 11:48Travis McElroy?

  Well, he did inception and he was like, I think I figured out this dream stuff.

• 11:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:52Travis McElroy?

  And he set this all up. It was incredible. And when the night was done and they woke me up at 5:30 in the goddamn morning.

• 12:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:00Travis McElroy?

  Like a normal person wakes up. They said, we're gonna need you to come back tomorrow because you woke up in the middle of a really great dream and we need to see how it ends.

• 12:07Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 12:08Travis McElroy?

  So I gotta go back tonight so they could finish the dream.

• 12:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:11Travis McElroy?

  They kicked me out, uh, I, with paste on my face and in my hair. And they were like, don't run. Your hand through your hair or your face or whatever. Go home and take a shower. And I was like, okay, so I got home.

• 12:23Griffin McElroy?

  Hold on, wait. Why was the, the sleep gel they applied to you bad for you to touch with your hand, but okay for you to touch with your delicate face skin?

• 12:32Travis McElroy?

  No, I think mostly they didn't want me to get all goopy on my hand because I had to drive home.

• 12:36Griffin McElroy?

  Did you drove yourself home?

• 12:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, what do you think I was gonna do? Make my wife?

• 12:40Travis McElroy?

  No, I was just thinking about the like, I bet that was a chilly little stroll home. You know, like six in the morning, pretty cold outside.

• 12:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it was like 12 degrees outside and it was like, okay, now go home after your alien examination one night stand. Where they kicked you out at 5:30 in the morning.

• 12:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:57Travis McElroy?

  And said like, all right, bye.

• 12:59Travis McElroy?

  Honestly, I'm, I'm surprised you're, I'd be tired if I was you.

• 13:02Travis McElroy?

  I'm so tired, Justin.

• 13:03Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, that's Travis's secret. He's always tired.

• 13:06Travis McElroy?

  I am. They asked, I had to do an intake form and they asked, were you sleepy at any point in the day? When? And I wrote, yeah.

• 13:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:14Travis McElroy?

  From the moment I woke up till now.

• 13:17Travis McElroy?

  Did you try to sleep bad the night before? Like the night before, did you try to wake up early or something?

• 13:21Travis McElroy?

  No, but I wasn't allowed to nap. I wasn't allowed to nap and I love a nap. I take a nap every day. And I also wasn't allowed to have any caffeinated beverages within six hours of the appointment, which is 8:00 PM. And I normally don't, but the second I read that on the form, I was like, well, that's all I want right now.

• 13:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I couldn't have read. Food coloring for 24 hours before my colonoscopy. That's frigging all I could think about is slamming a fruit punch. I see it's all I wanted.

• 13:50Travis McElroy?

  The worst part was then I woke up, right? I didn't sleep. I woke up every 90 minutes.

• 13:54Travis McElroy?

  So wait, this was all a dream? None of this happened? No, no, no.

• 13:57Griffin McElroy?

  The ultimate experience.

• 13:58Travis McElroy?

  What a waste of time, Travis. Thanks. Anyway, let's do our first question.

• 14:01Travis McElroy?

  I woke up every 90 minutes, right? I guess when my sleep cycle ended or whatever, wake up, oh, I'm still here, turnover, right? Like five times. And I woke up in the morning and I was like, this, listen, I don't always sleep great. That's why I'm here. I don't think that was indicative.

• 14:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:18Travis McElroy?

  Of a normal night's sleep for me.

• 14:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:20Travis McElroy?

  I know. I did have that feeling of like, that's, I hate, that wasn't my best. I could do this again. Let me take another run at it. You guys come to my house this time. I'll set up some comfy chairs next to the bed. You just watch me this time.

• 14:34Travis McElroy?

  Maybe that you could come to their house.

• 14:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:37Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? Like you, if it has to be all sciency and stuff, go to the scientist's house.

• 14:41Travis McElroy?

  Let me see how you sleep if you're so good at it.

• 14:44Griffin McElroy?

  That's only fair. I want to give Justin, I want to give Justin a huge special thanks for Christmas. He got Henry the Nintendo Alarmo, uh, which is, which is Mario's.

• 14:53Travis McElroy?

  Oh, wait, is this a sarcastic one or real?

• 14:55Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, I mean, it's very cool and he loves it a whole lot. So, I mean, kudos for that. I will say, he sets it at 6:30 in the morning and he often wakes up before that. Um, and so when he does that, he's not there to press the button on top of Mario's alarm clock to make the sound stop coming out of it. And the sound that it does have coming out of it is the, um, the music that plays in Breath of the Wild when a guardian spots you and starts targeting you with its laser blast. That boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah, it'll get you going when you hear it down the hallway at 6:35 in the morning because your son is, uh, in dereliction of his duty.

• 15:27Travis McElroy?

  Your son's in danger.

• 15:28Griffin McElroy?

  I'm asleep and I hear boom, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. When you press it, it does make the bomb noise though, and that's pretty cool. Um, so that I do like.

• 15:38Travis McElroy?

  That got you going probably I bet though, right? Like that definitely worked.

• 15:40Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe don't want to get going. Sometimes I want to celebrate the extra 20 to 25 minutes of sleep that I get past them, but not when the guardian strikes.

• 15:48Travis McElroy?

  That's only in the morning.

• 15:49Travis McElroy?

  Morning, you're supposed to be up making breakfast or something.

• 15:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, come on, man.

• 15:52Travis McElroy?

  This is a, this is an advice show and I'd love to ask you guys a question for my listeners and get your take. I work at a pizza eatery.

• 16:02Travis McElroy?

  Okay. I work at a.

• 16:03Griffin McElroy?

  What did you, what did you have wrong with that?

• 16:05Travis McElroy?

  It's just I don't, I don't like, no one's ever said that.

• 16:08Griffin McElroy?

  Because that sounds like a place where people pay to watch you eat pizza. Okay.

• 16:12Travis McElroy?

  It just felt weird. I work at a pizza place. I don't know, a pizza place.

• 16:16Griffin McElroy?

  But they knew, they knew if we said that, then we would do, make a joke about the two guys and a girl on pizza place.

• 16:21Travis McElroy?

  Well, they cut the pizza.

• 16:22Travis McElroy?

  Are people running that level of calculation, like every word choice?

• 16:25Griffin McElroy?

  We've been doing this for sixteen years. People know our fucking, people know how to talk to us. They know the right and wrong way to talk to us at this point.

• 16:31Travis McElroy?

  By season two of that show, they had removed pizza place from the title. It's just called two guys and a girl.

• 16:35Griffin McElroy?

  And see, they knew that we would say that because we've said that a hundred thousand times. And so like, they were just trying to be thoughtful.

• 16:40Travis McElroy?

  I work at a pizza place, which due to the rate at which we go through pizzas, often ends up accumulating a lot, a bunch of old stale pizza in the back throughout the day. I'm usually the one who has to carry the malt to the dumpster, but it's not uncommon for passerby to ask me, since I'm just thrown away, could they get a slice or two? Not only is the sight of me hoisting these pies getting their hopes up, but I have to be the one to let them down easy. What's the best way that I can let any prying eyes know that despite pristine packaging, the pizza inside is actually gray and gross? That's from Pizza Caesar in Byron Center. Thank you. That your name does help to answer this question.

• 17:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 17:16Travis McElroy?

  Yes, thank you. That, yes, that changes some of my recommendations.

• 17:21Travis McElroy?

  Why would you have them ready and hot?

• 17:26Travis McElroy?

  These are no longer, you, you have to, after hot, they are no longer ready. And I don't want, know what comes after ready.

• 17:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:34Travis McElroy?

  You know, but it's not edible. It's not Eddie.

• 17:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, those two are not mutually exclusive, or they are mutually, if they're not hot, they're not ready. And if they're not ready, they're not hot. You know what I mean? You couldn't be like, here's a hot pizza. It's not ready.

• 17:50Griffin McElroy?

  I wonder, I wonder if there's a way to. How like when you have bananas in the home and they get too old, they start to turn brown and you think, no worries, friends, you will become soldiers in the fight for banana bread. Thank you so much. And sometimes you'll buy bananas and just let them get nasty because you want that banana bread so bad. There's gotta be a way to repurpose old hot and readies to like.

• 18:13Travis McElroy?

  Calzone.

• 18:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:15Travis McElroy?

  It's folded over, seal the goodness inside.

• 18:17Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think, I don't know that that's gonna get it back in the food safe zone. I was more thinking like you dehydrate it, grind it down, turned it into some sort of powder that then you mix in with a, with some sort of dough and you make another pizza.

• 18:29Travis McElroy?

  I will say, Griffin, if it was, if you could grind it down in capsule form.

• 18:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:35Travis McElroy?

  I think that would actually save me a ton of time.

• 18:37Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 18:38Travis McElroy?

  On pizza consumption.

• 18:39Griffin McElroy?

  And chewing.

• 18:39Travis McElroy?

  Because I live a really busy life, you know, I can't, I'm always grinding and I don't have time to sit down and slop a slice all the time. So if I had maybe like two or three caps.

• 18:51Griffin McElroy?

  Two to three.

• 18:51Travis McElroy?

  Oh, Justin, don't have three. That's your whole day, man. You're gonna be so sluggish and tired after three pizza capsules.

• 18:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, just three capsules. If I could have that and it would give me all the nutrient energy of pizza.

• 19:04Griffin McElroy?

  A hot and ready pizza?

• 19:06Travis McElroy?

  Well, it wouldn't be hot at that point. It'd be round and red. Well.

• 19:08Griffin McElroy?

  Round and ready. That's us, baby.

• 19:11Travis McElroy?

  It'd be round and swallowable.

• 19:12Griffin McElroy?

  Round, swallowable, ready. Pop it in. Papa John, let's roll.

• 19:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I just need a Papa John real quick.

• 19:20Travis McElroy?

  Papa John don't have the pizza pill.

• 19:22Griffin McElroy?

  Papa John doesn't have time to make the pizza pill. Papa John's too busy reacting to other companies advertisements for their food on TikTok and Instagram. The absolute mad lad. Just fucking 15 second videos of him looking at the new double down at KFC like, these guys are crazy. Thanks Papa. Thanks for weighing in Papa.

• 19:40Travis McElroy?

  Papa, Papa.

• 19:42Griffin McElroy?

  He's.

• 19:42Travis McElroy?

  Yes, 11. Thank you for weighing in.

• 19:44Travis McElroy?

  He's not Papa John anymore. I'm, I'm insistent on this. If the restaurant is still called Papa John's after he left in disgrace. He cannot be Papa John after that.

• 19:54Griffin McElroy?

  He's.

• 19:54Travis McElroy?

  It's Mr. Shatner. He's no longer hot. He's no longer ready. He's William Shatner.

• 19:58Griffin McElroy?

  He was never those. He was never either of those.

• 20:00Travis McElroy?

  He was neither hot nor ready.

• 20:02Travis McElroy?

  He's not hot. He's not ready. He's just Mr. Shatner.

• 20:05Travis McElroy?

  I can't stop thinking about the new internet craze where people are worried about like they're mostly, let's be honest, their young sons becoming pizza pills.

• 20:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 20:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I just keep thinking that maybe somehow we have started that just now in this moment.

• 20:20Travis McElroy?

  Generation.

• 20:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:22Travis McElroy?

  That's probably it.

• 20:23Griffin McElroy?

  Why aren't they refrigerating the pizzas?

• 20:25Travis McElroy?

  They're not hot!

• 20:26Griffin McElroy?

  They're not hot at that point. I do think if you interrupt the hotness and the readiness process at any point, you can't like start it back up again.

• 20:33Travis McElroy?

  I'm just saying, does Little Caesar say after?

• 20:36Griffin McElroy?

  We don't know it's Little Caesar's? Let's be careful here. It's definitely Little Caesar's, but like, let's be, let's hedge it.

• 20:43Travis McElroy?

  Let's be careful. If it's no longer, it's been hot and ready, alright, it's been hot and ready for, let's say, two hours, okay? It comes out of the hot and ready stabilizer. Alright, so that is sitting. At that point, you could say, we're not selling this to our customers. But it's still, between you and me and the Little Caesar? It's pretty delicious still. Why not take it out at that point and just wander up and down the alley? Open box, because Little Caesar doesn't want you to. The rule has to be, take it out of the warmer, set it on the counter, watch it die. And then take it out, because like, otherwise margins, you know? They're losing.

• 21:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I mean, food waste is obviously an enormous problem. I do think that there's a way that we can make this perhaps a community responsibility, where when one of these gray old pizzas dies, you take it outside and you have a little pile. The pile is outside of the store, and then that way, the foot traffic that walks by, they're gonna see all of these wasted hot and readies. Uh, no longer hot, no longer ready, and say, god damn it, it's our fault that it got this bad. They do not make these things to order. They have them ready to shoot at us from a pizza cannon. They need us in and out the door within 55 seconds. That is their mission statement, and it is our fault that we're not buying these pizzas. That's why the stack is getting so gosh darn big. Let's have a hot and ready tonight.

• 22:03Travis McElroy?

  Well, but then you would need an agreement from whoever this may be, that when they've sold all the hot and readies, they don't make more, or else it's gonna be a cyclical issue.

• 22:12Griffin McElroy?

  No, that's not it.

• 22:13Travis McElroy?

  Where, you know, they make 40, they sell 40, they're like, oh, tomorrow we should make 50.

• 22:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:18Travis McElroy?

  Um, do you wanna be the hero of your town?

• 22:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:22Travis McElroy?

  No, I'm talking to the

• 22:22Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 22:23Travis McElroy?

  The question is, do you want to be a hero of your town? Uh, everybody hates rats, right? They're gross, carry disease. I hate them a lot. I think they're scary, right? Everybody hates rats. But the problem is rats are in everybody's houses. They're in the sewers.

• 22:36Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 22:37Travis McElroy?

  What if?

• 22:38Griffin McElroy?

  Any rats?

• 22:39Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 22:39Griffin McElroy?

  What if they're?

• 22:40Travis McElroy?

  They don't have rats in my house, dude.

• 22:42Griffin McElroy?

  I live in our nation, I live in our nation's capital, like, don't have any rats in my house, thank you. I have cherry blossom trees in my house.

• 22:48Travis McElroy?

  Uh, you might have one rat in the White House.

• 22:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, just one.

• 22:53Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 22:55Travis McElroy?

  Just one.

• 22:55Griffin McElroy?

  It's so weird. Justin likes a lot of the people in the cabinet.

• 22:59Travis McElroy?

  I'm talking about him.

• 22:59Griffin McElroy?

  The head honcho, Justin says, no, thank you.

• 23:02Travis McElroy?

  I am talking about the big cheese.

• 23:05Griffin McElroy?

  But like, just for one. Fucking Steve Miller. Do you guys think Steve Miller from Steve Miller brand every, every year is about Stephen Miller? And it's like, this guy's harshing my whole fucking thing.

• 23:14Travis McElroy?

  Hey, this is Steve Miller from the Steve Miller band. You're harming the Steve Miller brand.

• 23:25Travis McElroy?

  The rats aren't gonna go anywhere else if there's a huge pile of dirty old pizza outside, right? Huge mountain of dirty old pizza. The rats will just live there.

• 23:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 23:34Travis McElroy?

  There's no more rat problem. You fixed your town's rat, a huge rat problem. Because there's a huge pile of old pizza and the rats live there and they're the kings. They're the happiest rats. They don't bother anybody. Until the day when you sell out of the hot and readies, then you got to throw out some normal trash. And there's a thousand rats in the alley like, what the fuck?

• 23:54Griffin McElroy?

  Holy shit.

• 23:54Travis McElroy?

  What is this?

• 23:55Travis McElroy?

  You just described something so terrifying. I want to take back my imaginary idea.

• 23:58Travis McElroy?

  I thought we had a, a sweet thing going here, bud. I thought we had a situation and then you come out, we're gonna have to come in there and ratatouille some pizzas.

• 24:10Griffin McElroy?

  Steve Miller bands had like a dozen rhythm guitarists.

• 24:17Travis McElroy?

  But not at the same time, right?

• 24:19Griffin McElroy?

  No, I mean, he's just going through those things like fucking tissue paper. They added him to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame recently, but just him as a solo artist, not his whole band. And people were upset about it, but it's like, he had a dozen fucking guitarists. What do you want him to do?

• 24:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:32Travis McElroy?

  I want people to play this clip after they say, no, actually, the Macarons haven't lost a step as they've aged. It's just as relevant as ever.

• 24:37Griffin McElroy?

  I can't stop thinking about if Steve Miller from Steve Miller Band was thinking about now that he's really grown up. He was gonna make a switch and be serious Stephen Miller. And then like that brand has been absolutely co-opted from him. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I'd love another question if that's where the wind is taking us.

• 24:56Travis McElroy?

  I was on the phone with a friend when my cat did a backflip right in front of me. As you can imagine, this was quite exciting.

• 25:01Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 25:02Travis McElroy?

  When I interrupted my friend to tell him about what had just occurred, he rightfully expressed doubt. How could I get my cat to do another sick flip? This time in front of a second witness when I'm ready to record the trick. That's from Monty the Cat Man.

• 25:16Travis McElroy?

  Sort of setting up the brand. I like that. You're visualizing, you're getting it out into the universe already. Monty the Cat Man in Hastings, Michigan.

• 25:23Griffin McElroy?

  I do miss this about Cecil, our old cat, uh, who, who ran away when we were still in Austin. He was, he, he was an absolute, just built like a brick shit house, absolutely jacked cat. And he would do shit. Like if a bug got in the house, forget about it. He was going to be doing stunts and parkour and flips all over the place when you did not expect it. And it was scary. He's like living with a jungle panther. I do, I, I believe you. Can we say that to this person?

• 25:49Travis McElroy?

  Oh yeah, I believe you.

• 25:50Griffin McElroy?

  I believe you. Yeah. Uh, Justin, it sounds like maybe you don't believe that their cat did a flip.

• 25:56Travis McElroy?

  No, I do. I just, I'm thinking about.

• 25:59Griffin McElroy?

  A good flip?

• 26:00Travis McElroy?

  This cat is gonna be such a hero to other cats.

• 26:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:02Travis McElroy?

  This is like the greatest cat troll, one of the great cat trolls I've ever heard. He's probably gonna go tell his friends like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm on some next level shit.

• 26:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:10Travis McElroy?

  I'm on some next level shit. I do, I did a backflip once.

• 26:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:14Travis McElroy?

  Ever.

• 26:14Griffin McElroy?

  Ever.

• 26:15Travis McElroy?

  Never again.

• 26:16Griffin McElroy?

  You know how we always land on our feet? It was super hard because I did not know what I was doing. I did not have any training. I don't even think I could do it again. No way.

• 26:23Travis McElroy?

  I couldn't.

• 26:24Griffin McElroy?

  Couldn't do it again.

• 26:24Travis McElroy?

  I couldn't do it again. I did it one time. I was like so scared. I was so freaked out.

• 26:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:28Travis McElroy?

  I was just moved by the spirit.

• 26:30Travis McElroy?

  Maybe your cat was so fucking scared doing a backflip. You're like, Jesus Christ.

• 26:35Griffin McElroy?

  What happened?

• 26:36Travis McElroy?

  Why did I shit?

• 26:37Griffin McElroy?

  Why did I go upside down? What happened?

• 26:39Travis McElroy?

  It was all the way upside down.

• 26:42Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, I, I, I keep thinking about my sort of situation. I think if you let a dragonfly loose in the house, your cat's gonna do a backflip. Let like 10 to 12 dragonflies loose in the house.

• 26:51Travis McElroy?

  That's a good idea, Griffin. Can you say that again?

• 26:53Griffin McElroy?

  Let 10 to 12 dragonflies loose in the house. And in trying to get the dragonflies, I don't know how, Justin, you've gotten really good at like looking at the camera whenever you're talking to the audience. So this is new because we're like got different setups and stuff. I don't, it feels weird for me to do it because I feel like I can see their little faces in my camera.

• 27:09Travis McElroy?

  I don't want to do it. I, I think that it makes me too relatable in a way that I don't want to be. I want to be above everyone.

• 27:15Travis McElroy?

  Do you mean that I'm making eye contact with you, Griffin?

• 27:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's.

• 27:19Travis McElroy?

  And you're looking.

• 27:20Griffin McElroy?

  I am. Look at me on the screen.

• 27:21Travis McElroy?

  You're looking at me.

• 27:22Griffin McElroy?

  Where am I on the screen? Look at, look at me on the screen now.

• 27:26Travis McElroy?

  I'm not. Justin has set up a monitor in front of him, Griffin.

• 27:30Griffin McElroy?

  No, I know, but I still, hi, let 10 to 12 dragonflies loose in the home and the cat will do a flip trying to get them. I guarantee it.

• 27:37Travis McElroy?

  I don't think that's a high enough concentration of dragonflies. I think for a home, like if you want to do it in like one room and you want to put towels at the doors, you could maybe trap 10 to 12 dragonflies at one room. But if you let 10 to 12 dragonflies in your house, that's annoying. I think you have to bring one to 150 dragonflies.

• 27:56Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, 100 to 150 dragonflies, not one to 100.

• 27:59Travis McElroy?

  Yes, into the house at once. Then, because like you could, okay, you release, okay, you release 10.

• 28:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:05Travis McElroy?

  The cat eliminates the 10 when you're not looking.

• 28:08Griffin McElroy?

  That sucks.

• 28:09Travis McElroy?

  150 dragonflies, they're going to be busy for a while.

• 28:12Travis McElroy?

  Okay, first step, you gotta put a GoPro on the cat. Put a GoPro on the cat, you'll catch the flip at least from their perspective.

• 28:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:19Travis McElroy?

  Right? Yeah. I would say you start with 10 dragonflies, add more.

• 28:26Griffin McElroy?

  That's it.

• 28:26Travis McElroy?

  Over time.

• 28:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, because it's going to be, you need to, if the cat, if this ends up being a bad idea, now all of a sudden you have 100 to 150 dragonflies flying around your house because your cat can't get them too fast, or they congregate in some weird place. They just stick to the ceiling where the cat can't go like.

• 28:43Travis McElroy?

  Or your cat does a backflip on the first dragonfly they see.

• 28:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:47Travis McElroy?

  You catch it and you're like, oh.

• 28:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:50Travis McElroy?

  Okay, now there's just 99 to 149 other dragonflies in my house.

• 28:55Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I think once the first dragonfly gets got, the other 149 are gonna. Find their way out because they don't want to get.

• 29:01Travis McElroy?

  Or they're gonna turn on the cat.

• 29:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, pick them up, take them away.

• 29:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you didn't even think about that, did you, Justin?

• 29:08Travis McElroy?

  We've chosen a bad animal for this. Um, looking at some of the uh, data on dragonflies, they can reproduce with hundreds of eggs in over days or weeks, but they can live for years.

• 29:21Griffin McElroy?

  Wow.

• 29:21Travis McElroy?

  So, yeah.

• 29:23Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 29:23Travis McElroy?

  So, yeah, so I don't know if it's a good idea.

• 29:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:28Travis McElroy?

  What we said, I do think though, that they love water. So that is gonna be something you could maybe get, maybe they would go for, if you need to get rid of them at some point, if the cat's not like helping out.

• 29:39Travis McElroy?

  We do robot dragonflies?

• 29:41Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 29:41Travis McElroy?

  No, yeah.

• 29:43Griffin McElroy?

  If I step.

• 29:43Travis McElroy?

  Like little drones.

• 29:44Griffin McElroy?

  If, if dragonflies live for years and they reproduce hundreds and thousands of times, how come when I go outside of my front door, I don't immediately breathe in thirteen to fourteen dragonflies?

• 29:53Travis McElroy?

  They're not good parents. Cecil's, Cecil's still out there.

• 29:56Griffin McElroy?

  He's still out there hunting them all, keeping us safe.

• 29:58Travis McElroy?

  He's looking out for you, dude.

• 29:59Griffin McElroy?

  I love that.

• 29:59Travis McElroy?

  He followed you.

• 30:00Griffin McElroy?

  Beautiful.

• 30:01Travis McElroy?

  Homeward bound.

• 30:01Griffin McElroy?

  We're bound, except if at the end, they didn't roll up to their folks, but instead became, became sort of their silent guardians.

• 30:10Travis McElroy?

  We're still fighting mountain lions or something. It's been a while since I've seen the show, but I think that there's a mountain lion fight.

• 30:16Griffin McElroy?

  Next time I get a cat, I'm gonna make sure it is an extremely distinctive cat. I'm gonna get a Clifford the huge blue cat situation so that then if the cat gets lost, every single person in the city isn't like, I've found a gray cat. Thanks dude, I'm sure that's the one. Gray cat with stripes? Yeah, I've seen one of those. Awesome. I need a big blue cat so they know.

• 30:41Travis McElroy?

  Crawford.

• 30:42Griffin McElroy?

  Crawford.

• 30:42Travis McElroy?

  Hey, let's take a quick break, okay? And we'll go to the money zone and then we'll come back and do eight to nine more jokes. How's that sound? Maybe twenty jokes.

• 30:52Griffin McElroy?

  We're being so specific with our numbers.

• 30:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we'll do between one and a hundred and fifty more jokes.

• 31:07Travis McElroy?

  You know what my cat does backflips for?

• 31:10Travis McElroy?

  Is it Smalls, Trav?

• 31:12Travis McElroy?

  It is Smalls cat food, Justin. I got a pretty kitty.

• 31:15Travis McElroy?

  Cats love it too.

• 31:16Travis McElroy?

  I got a pretty kitty. She's not graceful in any way. Um, she's a, a big thudding. Uh, she's actually not big. She's little. She plods around the house though very loudly. She's not nearly as sneaky as she thinks she is, and she often misjudges jumps. But she's great and I love her very much. And so I feed her Smalls cat food.

• 31:39Travis McElroy?

  Does she have any favorite flavors? My cats, Olive and Amelia are crazy about Smooth Bird. They're, that's one of their favorites. They also like Smooth Other Bird. Because they like to take a walk in the wild.

• 31:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, like to mix it up. You know what I mean? We all do it. I like to eat bird and other bird too, in my real life. So why not my cats? You know what I mean?

• 31:58Travis McElroy?

  The, the, here's a, a, a bit of data for you. After switching to Smalls, 88% of cat owners reported overall health improvements. Which is really impressive. I'll say definitely, I've seen that in our cats since we switched them off of dry food. Um, they're, they're doing really, really well. Make 2026 your cat's healthiest year yet. Take advantage of their new year's special and get 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash my brother. One last time, that's 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash my brother.

• 32:33Travis McElroy?

  Justin, you know how all of Griffin's home decor is absolute dog shit?

• 32:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Trav, I, uh, that is something that I care deeply about. I love decor. I know that you feel really strongly about that and I do too. And, you know, uh, Wayfair is a great way to make your home look better. Wouldn't you agree, Griffin? Wouldn't you say that's important?

• 32:54Griffin McElroy?

  This is Wayfair. I got this big ass shelf, this low shelf from Wayfair, just like a week ago. It's great.

• 33:01Travis McElroy?

  Changing out, changing out some of the old stuff in your house?

• 33:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's some of your bad stuff.

• 33:06Griffin McElroy?

  You know, that's what I did.

• 33:07Travis McElroy?

  Why are you talking to me like that?

• 33:08Travis McElroy?

  Maybe just updating. Well, you were in the bathroom and you just got back, so we just wanted to bring you back into the conversation.

• 33:14Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 33:15Griffin McElroy?

  Furnishings.

• 33:16Travis McElroy?

  I forgot.

• 33:16Griffin McElroy?

  And they're.

• 33:17Travis McElroy?

  About.

• 33:17Travis McElroy?

  You know, I forgot what we were even doing in the show.

• 33:19Griffin McElroy?

  I just like, this is how I talk to people when I talk about Wayfair. Is I go like, this is that, this is them, that's them. No joke, probably about, uh, three quarters of my office decor is.

• 33:30Travis McElroy?

  Well, now I feel bad, Griffin, because I started this when you were in the room and I said, Justin, you know how all the stuff in Griffin's house is dog shit?

• 33:36Travis McElroy?

  Houses, dog shit.

• 33:37Travis McElroy?

  And I was gonna talk about how you needed new stuff.

• 33:39Griffin McElroy?

  The rest of the house is dog shit. Wayfair, I have done this office up in Wayfair and it is the crowning achievement of my sort of.

• 33:47Travis McElroy?

  I go to Wayfair when I want to buy something nice for my house. When I want to buy something decent that I know is gonna fall apart right away, you know what I mean?

• 33:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:54Travis McElroy?

  Good, good stuff, big selection, nice quality items. Oh, and storage? Forget about it. I'm wild about storage over here. You know me. Justin's storage mackerel.

• 34:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:05Travis McElroy?

  That's what they call them. Wars are over. I won.

• 34:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Justin won the storage wars. Yep, he did.

• 34:09Travis McElroy?

  Yep.

• 34:10Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I really, I had a hard time finding, I needed very specific specifications for a low shelf to fit in the background of my shot here. And I searched and they were like, here's 40, exactly the size you need. Damn, Wayfair, you got me. You got my back. Thank you.

• 34:24Travis McElroy?

  Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this year for way less. Head to wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home.

• 34:39Griffin McElroy?

  Everyone.

• 34:42Travis McElroy?

  You added that.

• 34:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I did.

• 34:43Travis McElroy?

  That's not part of it. They don't want everyone.

• 34:45Travis McElroy?

  Every day. Buy furniture, buy a couch now. Every day. Left to right couch, up and down couch.

• 34:58Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 35:01Travis McElroy?

  Come and lick my credenza.

• 35:06Travis McElroy?

  Did you say lick my credenza?

• 35:08Griffin McElroy?

  I was gonna say, look at my credenza, and I realized the meter wasn't right. So it was just come and look my credenza.

• 35:14Travis McElroy?

  That's Dave Matthews after something terrible has happened to his credenza. Sorry, somebody broke into the house. Something terrible happened to the credenza. Dave Matthews has just seen it. Oh, my god, the credenza. There we go. Thank you.

• 35:30Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 35:30Speaker 05

  Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.

• 35:33Speaker 04

  No, I'm sorry. No sales calls. Goodbye.

• 35:35Speaker 05

  It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

• 35:40Speaker 04

  I don't know what a Josie Long is. And anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old. She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones. I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I?

• 35:59Speaker 05

  Right. Well, if you were looking for a podcast.

• 36:00Speaker 04

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is a musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.

• 36:06Speaker 05

  Simply go to MaximumFun.org.

• 36:08Speaker 04

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother, mother, not that hat.

• 36:15Speaker 06

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint, she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited. No matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 36:59Travis McElroy?

  What? La la la la la. Why?

• 37:03Travis McElroy?

  Little baby.

• 37:06Travis McElroy?

  I wanna munch.

• 37:07Travis McElroy?

  Squaw.

• 37:10Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch.

• 37:12Travis McElroy?

  Squaw.

• 37:13Travis McElroy?

  Little baby.

• 37:15Travis McElroy?

  Per per per per.

• 37:16Travis McElroy?

  Pretty baby. Welcome to Squaw. It's a podcast profiling latest grades and brand eating. And today I want to start out with a history lesson. The quesadilla is a Mexican dish and it's made from a tortilla.

• 37:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 37:31Travis McElroy?

  Or two tortillas.

• 37:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 37:32Travis McElroy?

  Squished together. And then they are cooked on a griddle or a stove.

• 37:37Travis McElroy?

  What part of this is history?

• 37:40Travis McElroy?

  This is the, this is what it tort, this is what a quesadilla is.

• 37:43Travis McElroy?

  Has been.

• 37:43Griffin McElroy?

  That's not history, though.

• 37:44Travis McElroy?

  It is the history.

• 37:45Travis McElroy?

  So sometimes, sometimes it's heated in a comal, which can be made of cast iron or clay. And it has a long history where it's different. It has different versions that are celebrated throughout. For example, other variations include using wheat flour tortillas, especially in northern Mexico. They, they use a chihuahua cheese or also known as queso menanita, a local cheese made by menanites. Now here is an interesting fact for you about the quesadilla. In Mexico City, it is not assumed that the quesadilla is going to include cheese.

• 38:21Travis McElroy?

  Huh.

• 38:22Travis McElroy?

  Even though that seems implied by the name. No one quite knows about how this sort of like cultural hiccup happened or when this happened, but it is not that way through the rest of Mexico. But for some reason in Mexico City, this dish has a long and storied history. The quesadilla is an important part of the textural fabric of both Mexico and the Southwest United States.

• 38:44Travis McElroy?

  Cool.

• 38:45Travis McElroy?

  So my question is this, if that's the quesadilla, what the fuck is this?

• 38:48Travis McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 38:49Griffin McElroy?

  What have you done, Zaxby's?

• 38:51Travis McElroy?

  Zaxby's, what the fuck is this?

• 38:53Griffin McElroy?

  Back up, Zaxby's, take a beat and try again, Zaxby's.

• 38:56Travis McElroy?

  Think about yourself.

• 38:57Travis McElroy?

  Zaxby's brings back the southern fried.

• 38:59Travis McElroy?

  College student looking shit.

• 39:00Griffin McElroy?

  Zaxby's, that's too thick, friend, you know.

• 39:04Travis McElroy?

  They brought back southern fried shrimp and what they describe as giant quesadillas. And I don't know. It's it's as though it's as though the stuffing of the quesadilla had an ill fitting blanket. It's like it's taking a sleep study.

• 39:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:19Travis McElroy?

  It's trying to wrap the quesadilla around itself, but it's too monumentally loaded with cheese and chicken.

• 39:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:25Travis McElroy?

  Because Zaxby's, the motto, the motto is new year, same saucy cravings. The brand famous for taking the Zax flavors fans love and delivering them in new and innovative formats is bringing back two of its most iconic creations. Southern fried shrimp and giant quesadillas. Zaxby's brought its beloved bread into the seas with the creation of southern fried shrimp and delivered a saucy twist to a Mexican staple. So they know about.

• 39:52Griffin McElroy?

  They know what they did.

• 39:53Travis McElroy?

  They know about it with giant quesadillas and they do have the giant here in all caps. Cause these motherfuckers.

• 40:00Griffin McElroy?

  Can you explain kind of the, to your best ability, the sort of genetic construction of these?

• 40:06Travis McElroy?

  So like, okay, you know, chicken nuggets and the size and heft of a chicken nugget, right? Imagine you assembled mm, 20 chicken nuggets in sort of a loose manhole shape, right?

• 40:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:19Travis McElroy?

  And then attempted haphazardly at the, at the bidding of your overlords to try to cover them.

• 40:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:25Travis McElroy?

  In tortilla, right? But there's not enough tortilla.

• 40:27Griffin McElroy?

  Not in the world.

• 40:28Travis McElroy?

  Your bosses know it.

• 40:29Griffin McElroy?

  It's in this.

• 40:30Travis McElroy?

  They're just trying so hard.

• 40:31Travis McElroy?

  This looks like the equivalent of like one last Christmas present to wrap. And you just got to the end of the roll and you don't have another roll. And you're trying different ways of taping and folding to make this sliver of paper cover the thing.

• 40:45Griffin McElroy?

  It also.

• 40:45Travis McElroy?

  There's so much filling in here that the quesadilla, that the tortilla is almost not visible.

• 40:51Griffin McElroy?

  I, I want to know what's in that filling, but um, the, they've attempted to sort of caulk the gaps between the chicken nuggets.

• 41:00Travis McElroy?

  They've, they've played a, they've applied a rudimentary sort of mortar here to sort of glue the whole thing together.

• 41:06Griffin McElroy?

  Stinky resin of what looks like cheese and maybe is that bacon in there as well and sour cream?

• 41:11Travis McElroy?

  We'll find out.

• 41:12Griffin McElroy?

  God damn.

• 41:13Travis McElroy?

  We'll find out.

• 41:13Griffin McElroy?

  Jesus, what a stack, what a stack this is.

• 41:16Travis McElroy?

  Both menu innovations are back for a limited time only, beginning January 19th. So the guests can indulge in a one, two punch of flavor, delivered by some of their most beloved offerings of years past. You certainly are not implying.

• 41:30Travis McElroy?

  That I should order both of these, right? This is not a, right? We're not saying that this is a combo we want to enjoy.

• 41:36Travis McElroy?

  Can I also say?

• 41:37Travis McElroy?

  One-two punch.

• 41:38Travis McElroy?

  I am not a graphics expert. I'm not an art expert. But I do know how shadows work.

• 41:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:47Travis McElroy?

  And I'm looking at this image.

• 41:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:50Travis McElroy?

  And somebody had a lot of fun.

• 41:53Travis McElroy?

  Someone had fun with the shadows. Yeah, it almost looks like the giant quesadilla is a vampire. Or it's, or. Yeah, it has no. Perhaps translucent. Actually, that's great. The Zach sauce casts a very long shadow. The quesadilla cast no shadow. That's awesome. That looks cool, actually.

• 42:07Travis McElroy?

  And the box, there appears to be a shadow cast from things that aren't there.

• 42:11Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. That's amazing. That's amazing. Hey, you don't become the saucy. Zaxby's is one of the few chains that's still taking swings. And I thank them for that because it makes this segment worth living. You don't become the saucy chicken chain by doing what's expected. You do it by cooking up mouthwatering creations that put a new twist on classic flavors. Call it a three-peat. Zaxby's is heading back to the Zach Seas with the return of its southern fried shrimp. Making waves on the menus for a third year in a row. This time, Zaxby's is shrimping in three different ways. So there's something for every seafood lover.

• 42:46Travis McElroy?

  You can't make.

• 42:48Travis McElroy?

  They like the shrimp at Zaxby's.

• 42:49Travis McElroy?

  You can't make the bold claim of you can't become the saucy king, whatever. With, by doing what's expected. So for the third year in a row.

• 43:00Travis McElroy?

  Third year running, right? We're going back to the Zach Seas. Alongside the maritime favorite. Sure. Zaxby's giant quesadilla.

• 43:09Travis McElroy?

  They eat them on the ships, Justin. They love the shrimp.

• 43:16Travis McElroy?

  We would eat the albatross. And when we ran out of albatross, we'd eat the men. And when we ran out of men, we'd eat the giant quesadillas.

• 43:23Travis McElroy?

  And we were cursed with cold seas till we threw the giant quesadillas overboard.

• 43:31Travis McElroy?

  They were cursed, I told them. Cursed, you can't have a woman aboard. You must have a cat and you can't have a quesadilla. They're ma- they're making the return after the debut last year stacked and packed. Cracked and packed.

• 43:45Travis McElroy?

  Like me.

• 43:46Travis McElroy?

  Fuck. It sucks, man. Stacked and packed with three of Zaxby's hand bread. It's stacked and packed on its skin or else it's

• 43:58Travis McElroy?

  hand breaded chicken fingers with a Z. Fuck off. The brand is offering two different ways to go big, literally, with these hunger busting off.

• 44:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's a way to put it. Sure.

• 44:09Travis McElroy?

  You nasty dog.

• 44:10Griffin McElroy?

  Toilet shattering pillows of food.

• 44:15Travis McElroy?

  Can I just have a regular lunch and not?

• 44:18Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 44:19Travis McElroy?

  Like really?

• 44:20Travis McElroy?

  Eat our chicken.

• 44:21Griffin McElroy?

  Eat our chicken. Get sicker, cook.

• 44:26Travis McElroy?

  Punish yourself. You know why?

• 44:28Griffin McElroy?

  What's in these fucking? I gotta know what's in these things.

• 44:32Travis McElroy?

  Rupture your flesh prison.

• 44:34Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, listen, here's the deal.

• 44:35Travis McElroy?

  It's time to ascend.

• 44:39Travis McElroy?

  Ascend with Zaxby's.

• 44:43Griffin McElroy?

  The tortilla's gotta be big to hold in all this sitting.

• 44:50Travis McElroy?

  A giant quesadilla packed with three hand breaded chicken fingers for fucks.

• 44:55Griffin McElroy?

  They're big with a Z.

• 44:57Travis McElroy?

  It's a giant quesadilla packed with three hand breaded chicken fingers, cheddar jack cheese, hardwood smoked bacon, and creamy ranch dressing, all folded into a warm flour tortilla, served with, against reason and logic, a side of ranch.

• 45:14Travis McElroy?

  No, I was afraid that would be the case, Justin. I saw the sauce. I thought, no, certainly not.

• 45:20Travis McElroy?

  A small drink. Now, I'm assuming that the small drink is just included in the deal. Like, I don't, please.

• 45:26Griffin McElroy?

  It's mixed in the fucking tortilla. It wasn't originally, but it was a liability issue. You need a friend to help it go down.

• 45:34Travis McElroy?

  Choking hazard.

• 45:35Travis McElroy?

  At what point does it go from quesadilla to like taco?

• 45:40Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, well, I think it's.

• 45:41Travis McElroy?

  Quesadilla means those.

• 45:43Griffin McElroy?

  Doesn't the dia imply like a diminutive? Isn't that a small? I don't think so. I don't think so, but maybe, no, it's eto is what I'm thinking of. Anyway, we're.

• 45:53Travis McElroy?

  We're kicking off the new year with bold flavor and fan favorites, says Patrick Schwing, Chief Marketing and Strategy Officer at Zaxby's. Our guests have told us loud and clear, said Patrick Schwing. Southern Fried Shrimp and our giant Chicken Quesadillas are two menu items they crave.

• 46:12Griffin McElroy?

  Dia does mean diminutive, Justin. I apologize for correcting you, Justin. Dia does mean diminutive. And I stepped up from my six years of Spanish education and I thought, I'm gonna make my brother seem small right now. And I was wrong. And now I'm the small one. I don't apologize.

• 46:28Travis McElroy?

  If you, like me, had remained in college a fifth year to take your fourth Spanish class again, because you failed it the first time, maybe you would recall a little bit better. Yeah, that memory, you gotta do repetition. That's the thing. If you take Spanish for twice,

• 46:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 46:42Travis McElroy?

  the second time, uh, we are bringing them both back to give them exactly what they want. Our famous fingers and sauces in new meals that they can only get at Zaxby's. Whether you're diving back into the Zax sees or doubling down on bold cheesy. I'm gonna get a tattoo that says Zax sees, guys. It's all I could think about. Zaxby's is making sure fans start the year right. Now, what they mean by right there is anybody's guess.

• 47:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:13Travis McElroy?

  Because it's not in the light of the Lord. So I don't know what, what right they're referring to.

• 47:17Travis McElroy?

  I don't know who wakes up January 1st and says, you know what I'm gonna do this year?

• 47:22Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gonna get it together this year.

• 47:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. You know what? I've made a promise to myself and to you, Deborah. I know where I fell short last year as a husband and a father and a person. I will eat more Zaxby's.

• 47:35Travis McElroy?

  You're right.

• 47:36Griffin McElroy?

  I'm, I'm gonna swim to Zax sees.

• 47:39Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna get fingered at Zaxby's like I always wanted to.

• 47:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man, that's cool.

• 47:47Travis McElroy?

  It's on my bucket list. And you know what? I'm 75 years old. I'm not getting any younger.

• 47:52Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, Zaxby's?

• 47:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:54Griffin McElroy?

  Zaxby's Super Bowl's coming up. And these big boys are throwing heaters today. So you, you, you can use one of these, please. Just put us at the end of the.

• 48:03Travis McElroy?

  Get fingered at Zaxby's.

• 48:04Griffin McElroy?

  Get fingered.

• 48:04Travis McElroy?

  Powerful.

• 48:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:06Travis McElroy?

  I have a mini fridge in my garage that stopped working years ago, and I finally took it to the curb this morning. Don't you love shit like that?

• 48:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 48:13Travis McElroy?

  We realize like, hey, why are we keeping this, man? Let's get rid of this. I placed a bag of trash on top of it to clearly communicate this is trash. As I was backing on my driveway, I was waiting for an opening to reverse into the street, and someone pulled up to my neighbor's driveway, walked directly in front of my car, removed the trash bag from the fridge and took the fridge. He is now loading the fridge in his car. And my obligated to roll down my window and let this person know the fridge is not functional. Please hurry. His has to back is open and he is clearing space to make room. That's from hesitant in Houston. I don't know which point we and the listeners agreed that it is assumed we're answering these questions in real time. But it is, it's always a great conceit.

• 48:50Travis McElroy?

  Hey, wait, wait, just one second. Don't finish loading it. Yeah, I'm waiting. I'm waiting. Hold on.

• 48:54Travis McElroy?

  Wait, I'm waiting for our podcast to be released.

• 48:56Griffin McElroy?

  Are you doing anything before next Monday?

• 48:58Travis McElroy?

  I don't have a executive subscription, so I gotta wait till Monday for it to release.

• 49:03Griffin McElroy?

  Um, first of all, you don't know what they're gonna be doing with it. Could be, maybe they need a broken, maybe it's a prop for a stage play. Maybe it is, they need the refrigerator parts because they're trying to build their own Wally. Maybe

• 49:17Travis McElroy?

  Nice.

• 49:17Griffin McElroy?

  They need a box that doesn't get hot. They can get cold that they can keep food in, just a normal box.

• 49:25Travis McElroy?

  Maybe they want to trap Punky Brewster's friend.

• 49:26Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe they are setting a Punky Brewster's friend trap in, and they need a box, a refrigerator box for it. There's so many reasons.

• 49:34Travis McElroy?

  They're gonna blow it up, you know, for like a viral video.

• 49:37Travis McElroy?

  They're gonna blow it up, maybe.

• 49:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they're gonna blow it up.

• 49:40Travis McElroy?

  And this may seem wild, but maybe they're gonna try to fix it.

• 49:44Travis McElroy?

  You can't fix.

• 49:45Travis McElroy?

  Tell me how you fix.

• 49:46Travis McElroy?

  A refrigerator.

• 49:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:47Travis McElroy?

  Or fix an appliance? What are you talking about?

• 49:50Travis McElroy?

  I'm just saying.

• 49:51Travis McElroy?

  Like with tape?

• 49:52Travis McElroy?

  I don't go around picking up fridges. Because I wouldn't know how to fix it if it wasn't working.

• 49:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:57Travis McElroy?

  But it, my assumption, when I picked it up off the street, would not be, oh, perfect fridge. Nice.

• 50:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. You know, that's true. There's no. I think that if you leaned out your window and said, hey, just so you know, that doesn't work. The response is almost certainly going to be, yeah, no dolly. Yeah.

• 50:13Travis McElroy?

  No shit, really? No shit? That's why it's free, huh?

• 50:17Travis McElroy?

  I thought this was just your little yard fridge.

• 50:20Travis McElroy?

  You take that to the flea market. You slap a sticker on it that says five dollars. Oops, that's profit.

• 50:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Just because that person could recognize it, you can't?

• 50:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:29Travis McElroy?

  That's not their fault.

• 50:30Travis McElroy?

  Or, or. You trade it up. Yeah, yeah, you trade it up.

• 50:34Griffin McElroy?

  How the fuck did you think that that is what I was going to say?

• 50:37Travis McElroy?

  Why did you assume that?

• 50:38Griffin McElroy?

  I was like, or, and you were like, ah, yes, Griffin, trade it up. That was cra- that was wrong and wild.

• 50:44Travis McElroy?

  Like, you're gonna take the broken mini fridge to the flea market.

• 50:47Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 50:47Travis McElroy?

  You're gonna see like a broken stand mixer. I'm gonna trade this for the broken stand mixer. And then I trade the broken stand mixer.

• 50:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:53Travis McElroy?

  For like a broken jukebox. And pretty soon, I own a house.

• 50:56Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 50:57Travis McElroy?

  A broken house.

• 50:58Travis McElroy?

  A broken house. There was a broken man who owned a broken house.

• 51:02Griffin McElroy?

  There should be a.

• 51:03Travis McElroy?

  Trade your broken Dodge SRT for a broken house.

• 51:06Griffin McElroy?

  I would love it if we could check in on one of those people who back when Vine existed were like, hey, everyone, here's my daily trade, trading up from a paperclip up to get my own house. But then you check in on them 10 years later and they're like, guys, I kept trading and I got back down to a paperclip. Sometimes you fucking win. Sometimes, sometimes you bite the dog, sometimes the dog bites you. I was in a house for a sweet minute there, but then someone was like, hey, this is a nice house. Do you want to try this van? And then it went van, then it went telescope, then it went broken stand mixer, then it went broken microwave. And now I got a paperclip again. God damn it, but I'm coming back. You only, you only lose once you give up. I'm coming back to a house for sure.

• 51:47Travis McElroy?

  Hey, guys, I started with a paperclip. I traded my way out. Turned out that paperclip was like a one of a kind misprint from 1963 worth $5 million. So if you have that paperclip still, I'll trade you this house.

• 52:01Griffin McElroy?

  Trade you back.

• 52:01Travis McElroy?

  For it.

• 52:02Griffin McElroy?

  I'd say there's both a lot of time, lot of time.

• 52:06Travis McElroy?

  How about another question?

• 52:07Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 52:08Travis McElroy?

  I work at a nature center and in the summer, the bushes are overflowing with delicious black raspberries.

• 52:14Travis McElroy?

  Raspberry.

• 52:15Travis McElroy?

  However, they're called blackberries. How embarrassing. However, we are located in the city park and foraging is prohibited. During all daylight hours, seven days a week, the whole area is crawling with management, summer camp kids, other staff and just regular parkgoers, all of whom could be potential witnesses to my crimes. How do I avoid getting spotted while taking all the berries my heart desires? And if I get spotted, what excuses can I make? To get away scot-free, that's from Raspberry Swiper in Southeast Michigan.

• 52:41Travis McElroy?

  Wow, what can we as a society agree to get rid of the P in raspberry?

• 52:46Griffin McElroy?

  I think we should, I think we need to circle back as a society to a lot of words, Wednesday, raspberry, just a lot.

• 52:53Travis McElroy?

  Restaurants.

• 52:54Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. Oh, my God. Restaurant always gets me. And where's that you go? Who the fuck knows?

• 52:59Griffin McElroy?

  No one knows.

• 53:00Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 53:02Travis McElroy?

  Could you, if caught, say like poison checker?

• 53:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:09Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. They would know that person would be on staff.

• 53:12Griffin McElroy?

  They would probably know.

• 53:13Travis McElroy?

  Good point.

• 53:13Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? Like that person would be on staff. They would be employed. They wouldn't be volunteer. I don't think you can be a volunteer poison checker. So.

• 53:21Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe you hand out a handful of raspberries. They're looking for, they're not gonna bust you. They're looking for you.

• 53:26Travis McElroy?

  That's what I would, I just put the risk out.

• 53:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:29Travis McElroy?

  Let's go.

• 53:29Griffin McElroy?

  Bless me, let's go.

• 53:30Travis McElroy?

  Let's go.

• 53:30Griffin McElroy?

  And then they come up to you.

• 53:31Travis McElroy?

  Lock me up for these delicious berries.

• 53:33Griffin McElroy?

  They come up to you to slap the cuffs on you, open your palms, you're giving them some delicious black raspberries.

• 53:39Travis McElroy?

  Let them get their bequeath.

• 53:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 53:41Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, cuz they're crow.

• 53:42Griffin McElroy?

  Say, welcome to the.

• 53:43Travis McElroy?

  I know what you might be thinking. Boy, these guys are sure. Letting it show how their interactions with cops typically could go as two, three white guys. See? It may not sound like a great idea to you to offer cops berries.

• 53:58Travis McElroy?

  Now, wait, hold on. You've jumped from, I work at a nature preserve, there's kids around and my bosses.

• 54:04Griffin McElroy?

  And your, and your, and your actual assumption is, I think this says more about your anxiety than anything else. That your assumption is cops are gonna be like, those aren't your black raspberries?

• 54:17Travis McElroy?

  I'm taking you. Your boss, your boss spots you and calls the cops.

• 54:21Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, I warned you.

• 54:23Travis McElroy?

  It's a theft. It's a theft. Prohibited doesn't mean by social mores. It means by the law. Do you understand?

• 54:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, this is what I'm saying.

• 54:31Travis McElroy?

  Of course, it's illegal.

• 54:32Griffin McElroy?

  You say, there's fucking.

• 54:35Travis McElroy?

  Foraging is prohibited. That is a. Illegal, it is a city park.

• 54:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 54:39Travis McElroy?

  Foraging is prohibited.

• 54:40Griffin McElroy?

  It's a crime.

• 54:40Travis McElroy?

  It's a crime.

• 54:41Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, cool.

• 54:42Travis McElroy?

  You'll go to jail.

• 54:42Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so but like be cool dude, like we used to be so cool and we'd be like, yeah, man, you're on the rip. You need to say, you give them to your boss or whoever comes by and is like, you know that foraging is prohibited. You open your palms, there's a bunch of black raspberries in there. You say, welcome to the rip, my friend. They eat them, you say, now we're both dirty. And now you got two baskets going around grabbing these things.

• 55:04Travis McElroy?

  Oh, God, what if you just smush a berry, like they come up to you to bust you and you smush a berry on their hand?

• 55:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 55:09Travis McElroy?

  Like, uh oh.

• 55:10Griffin McElroy?

  That's forever.

• 55:10Travis McElroy?

  Look at you, it looks like you're culpable. You better still help me clean up or you're going down.

• 55:14Griffin McElroy?

  Down, I'll take you with me, I swear to God.

• 55:17Travis McElroy?

  Take you with me. You, they just rub it on your teeth. Look at that.

• 55:20Griffin McElroy?

  Look at that.

• 55:20Travis McElroy?

  Somebody's a sloppy eater. Looking hungry.

• 55:23Travis McElroy?

  Blame it on a bear.

• 55:25Griffin McElroy?

  If they catch you picking berries off of a plant, say it's because of a bear.

• 55:29Travis McElroy?

  Bear made me do it.

• 55:30Griffin McElroy?

  Bear has my family.

• 55:35Griffin McElroy?

  My name is Ranger Rick. A bear who is very mean has taken my family. I do not know where they are. He says he wants picnic baskets. He says it's hard for you, him to get them because he's a bear. But I am in a position of authority, people trust me.

• 55:49Travis McElroy?

  I'm worried that my wife has developed Stockholm syndrome.

• 55:51Travis McElroy?

  My name is Special Agent Jack Bauer. I have 12 hours to retrieve enough blackberries to save my daughter Kim.

• 55:58Travis McElroy?

  And, and the country. As long as we're at it.

• 56:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's a country too. It's a country thing.

• 56:05Travis McElroy?

  What if you fell into the brambles?

• 56:07Travis McElroy?

  Oh, mouth first.

• 56:08Travis McElroy?

  And then it's like, oh, this is poorly labeled. Ah, I believe I scraped myself. Ah, management is to be blamed. And then like, as they're like, oh, no, sir. I'm sorry. Please, please. No, I'm sorry. Scrooping, just like grabbing.

• 56:24Travis McElroy?

  I thought you were gonna go for like a slip and fall thing. It's like, yeah.

• 56:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you slip and fall into the berries, right? And then you're just like, eat, like, no one can get mad at you because they're worried about a lawsuit.

• 56:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:34Travis McElroy?

  Cause you, you might've gotten cut on the, the.

• 56:36Griffin McElroy?

  You will get cut. I think that's important to say that Justin's plan does come with a certain amount of bodily harm. Justin, Justin has some lovely blackberry bushes outside of his house that when we go and stay. There sometimes we'll go out and pick them if they're in season and nothing connects me more to my kind of like ancient roots. Nothing puts me on deep time more than getting poked by a bramble when I'm trying to get a berry out of a bush. And I'm like, this is what it was like. This is what it was like back then, and I'm not cut out for this lifestyle. I'm a hunter.

• 57:06Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 57:06Griffin McElroy?

  I'm a hunter, not a gatherer.

• 57:08Travis McElroy?

  That's not true.

• 57:10Griffin McElroy?

  Which part?

• 57:11Travis McElroy?

  Uh, the hunter part?

• 57:13Griffin McElroy?

  Well, there wasn't a third thing. So if I'm not a gatherer, I had to be a hunter.

• 57:17Travis McElroy?

  Dead.

• 57:17Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 57:18Travis McElroy?

  I think was the third. Somebody's eating stuff.

• 57:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 57:20Travis McElroy?

  That's somebody's eating it, you know?

• 57:23Travis McElroy?

  Got to be eaters. Otherwise, what are we hunting and gathering for? There's got to be podcasters, you know?

• 57:28Griffin McElroy?

  Oh shit.

• 57:28Travis McElroy?

  Those are the three times.

• 57:29Travis McElroy?

  Hunters, gathers, podcasters.

• 57:31Griffin McElroy?

  And we must stop this train of thought because it'll get us to a point where our obsolescence becomes so crystallized.

• 57:38Travis McElroy?

  Overwhelming.

• 57:39Travis McElroy?

  So, yeah, so obvious. You know what? I can't think of a better note to end on. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast.

• 57:45Travis McElroy?

  Hey.

• 57:47Travis McElroy?

  Thank you for indulging us for another hour.

• 57:50Travis McElroy?

  We need this. Thank you so much.

• 57:52Travis McElroy?

  We need this. We need this more than you at this point. It's 2026 and we need this.

• 57:57Travis McElroy?

  We need this.

• 57:58Travis McElroy?

  We need you. Stop it.

• 58:00Travis McElroy?

  Hey, uh, we got merch over at the merch store. If you haven't checked that out, uh, we got backpacks. There's Taz and my brother, my brother and me options, uh, designed by Justin Gray, who is Burn to Build on Instagram. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Immigrant Defenders Law Center. Also, we, uh, start back with Macro Entertainment System over on our YouTube channel. Uh, we just did a, a really fun Animal Crossing, uh, with the new update. And, uh, we've also started like individual streaming over there.

• 58:30Travis McElroy?

  Tuesdays at noon is going to be Super Macro Brothers playing games. Uh, the last Tuesday of every month is going to be Clubhouse. Uh, and you can find this on YouTube. Come watch. And then we got streams going throughout. We've got, uh, uh, we're doing more gaming streams.

• 58:43Travis McElroy?

  I've got ADHD Detective coming up on Wednesday. Wednesday's at 11 a.m.

• 58:47Travis McElroy?

  Wednesday's at 11 a.m.

• 58:48Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna be doing something.

• 58:49Travis McElroy?

  Travis, that's almost.

• 58:50Travis McElroy?

  Now.

• 58:50Griffin McElroy?

  Oh shit.

• 58:51Travis McElroy?

  I know.

• 58:51Griffin McElroy?

  Dude.

• 58:52Travis McElroy?

  I will.

• 58:53Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta go dude, let's wrap this up.

• 58:54Travis McElroy?

  Um, also wanted to let everyone know, uh, we got like four more packages over at Champions Grove. Uh, we got a, a 10% New Year's sale, 10% off New Year's sale going right now. Uh, go to championsgrove.com, check that out. It's a four person attendance packages. Come hang out at a castle in Hocking Hills, Ohio. Play some really fun games, do some workshops, all kinds of fun stuff. Uh, with me and some other really cool creators like Christine Ariel, uh, Haley Whipjack, Paul Foxcroft, Riley Silverman, Diego Salinas, um, and Vivivivka. Uh, one more time, check that at championsgrove.com. We'll see you there.

• 59:33Griffin McElroy?

  I've got a couple of books coming out. Uh, my choose your own adventure book, The Stowaway comes out March 10th. You can preorder that now at bit.ly slash Griffin Stowaway. It's a sci-fi romp out in outer space and it's full of high intrigue, adventure and danger. Also, we have the last Taz graphic novel coming out in July and you can preorder that as well at theadventurzonecomic.com.

• 59:54Travis McElroy?

  Also, we haven't mentioned in a while, if you have questions for the show.

• 59:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 59:58Travis McElroy?

  Uh, the, you can send them to MBMBAM at maximumfun.org.

• 1:00:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, please. And thanks to Montane for these for our theme song, My Life is Better With You. Uh, it's a great track and a golden oldie and I love it so much. It looks like Justin's got something chuckable ready.

• 1:00:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I watched you turn around, Justin. I was like, wow, he's really. And then I realized like, he's gotta find something to heat.

• 1:00:19Griffin McElroy?

  I gotta find something to throw.

• 1:00:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I got a, a Shure headphones. Uh, they're like in your headphones in a case.

• 1:00:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:25Travis McElroy?

  So I think the case may actually be what saves me.

• 1:00:28Griffin McElroy?

  You've got a lot of stuff in the background. How, where are you gonna aim so that you don't destroy something? That way? Okay. We need to get the audio.

• 1:00:35Travis McElroy?

  At the acoustic panels? Yeah, I'm, oh, that's a good point. Uh, but I gotta make it, okay, there's like one square.

• 1:00:42Griffin McElroy?

  Can you throw it at the microphone? No, cause if you miss, it's not gonna.

• 1:00:46Travis McElroy?

  So there's one square of the ceiling.

• 1:00:47Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, Justin's gonna throw it up. Wait, wait, wait. And now our to, our big toss for the big boy, a heater. Here we go.

• 1:00:58Travis McElroy?

  My name is Justin McElroy.

• 1:00:59Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Travis McElroy.

• 1:01:00Travis McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 1:01:01Griffin McElroy?

  Did you miss?

• 1:01:02Travis McElroy?

  My brother, my brother.

• 1:01:04Griffin McElroy?

  Sounded like you missed.

• 1:01:05Travis McElroy?

  I think you missed.

• 1:01:06Griffin McElroy?

  You can't miss, you make it stick.

• 1:01:11Speaker 07

  It's better with you. My life, ah. It's better, it's better with you. It's better with you. My life, ah. It's better, it's better with you. Is it true? Ah. It's better, it's better with you. My life, ah. It's better with you.

• 1:01:41Griffin McElroy?

  Maximum Fun.

• 1:01:42Speaker 06

  A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.