Short Stuff: Drop Bears

Australia is home to all sorts of things that can kill you, but perhaps the deadliest is the drop bear, a vicious cousin of the koala. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:04Josh Clark?

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• 0:39Josh Clark?

  Hey, and welcome to the short stuff. I'm Josh and there's Chuck and it's just us. No Dave, no Jerry, no nothing. But we are here and being tourists, walking through the Australian bush right now, we need to be careful of drop bears.

• 0:54Speaker 02

  That's right, because you know, if you're especially a tourist or maybe a foreign soldier, you're walking around the outback. Look up because if you walk under a tree, a drop bear might drop down, knock you on the head and eat your head.

• 1:11Josh Clark?

  Yeah, might bite your skull open with its molars, might use its fangs to bite your neck and you're dead. You're dead when a drop bear drops on you because they can get fairly big. I saw about the size of leopards. Leopards average something like six feet long, seven feet long, weighing between 100 to 200 pounds. This is a big animal. The thing that makes it so crazy is that it looks a lot like a koala, except with orange wiry, wiry hair.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. And luckily, you know, we toured Australia and did some great shows all over that wonderful country and we both checked in as safe at the end of it from drop bears. Thank God it didn't happen.

• 1:52Josh Clark?

  No, we, we made it out alive, basically. Cause if you get dropped on by a drop bear, who they're very patient, they're very quiet. They'll wait for hours up in a treetop for someone to pass by and then they drop out right on top of you, like you said, you're dead, you're, you're toast. So had we met a drop bear, one or both of us would not be sitting here today.

• 2:14Speaker 02

  That's right. I'm genuinely wondering how many Australians think that we're being serious right now.

• 2:20Josh Clark?

  I hadn't thought about that.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're like, don't these guys know?

• 2:25Josh Clark?

  Man, you do the best New Zealand accent.

• 2:28Speaker 02

  That was it. Okay.

• 2:29Josh Clark?

  It all sounds like Murray.

• 2:31Speaker 02

  Mary.

• 2:32Josh Clark?

  Yeah. So yeah, we should probably tell everybody who isn't from Australia that drop bears are made up. They're myth. They're a joke, really, a longstanding pranky joke that Australians play on newcomers and tourists and travelers and visiting military, that kind of thing.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, a lot of people think it started in either Sydney or South Wales. The early settlers there, you know, playing pranks on people who came, probably because they didn't want them there. That would be my guess.

• 3:01Josh Clark?

  Sure, or just to humiliate them out of boredom.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Apparently, the Australian Museum over the years has kind of kept this joke going by fabricating sightings. It's sort of like here in America, like a jackalope. You know, like creating these creatures, not like a Bigfoot, it's not a cryptid, but I guess a jackalope probably technically is. But, you know, just sort of a humorous thing to keep going and the official government even gets involved and kind of plays along.

• 3:30Josh Clark?

  Well, I saw one of the things that is part of this legend is that the Australian government doesn't recognize the existence of drop bears in reality because they don't exist. But as part of the legend, it's because the Australian government is covering up their existence because they don't want to harm the tourist industry in Australia. Because again, they jump on tourists, basically people who don't have Australian accents.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  Well, and I'm sure they're also like, there's all manner of things that'll kill you. The last thing we need is a made up thing.

• 4:00Josh Clark?

  Exactly. So we said the Australian government is part of it. So a lot of other institutions have contributed to kind of keeping this idea alive. I saw an article in The Conversation about drop bears and surviving drop bear attacks, and it was totally straight from start to finish. There wasn't even a little disclaimer in italics at the end. And they've even been given a scientific name, Thylarkos plummetus.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  That's pretty funny.

• 4:29Josh Clark?

  It is. It's great.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  There actually is like evidence that there could have been some sort of ancient animal in Australia during the last Ice Age that is similar to a drop bear. That does have a real scientific name. Thylacoleo carnifex, or a marsupial lion. Apparently, the skull does resemble a koala, or maybe a wombat. But instead of grinder teeth, they have shearing teeth. And apparently, it once belonged to a group of marsupials called the Diprotodonts. And with today's koalas, they're in that same group of marsupials. So possums, wombats, kangaroos, and koalas, they were all part of this group back in ancient times.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  But whatever this more fearsome one was, A, it wasn't a drop bear, but it was similar enough for people to reference it, at least.

• 5:23Josh Clark?

  Yeah, and people were living at this time, this is during the last Ice Age. So there were people in Australia at the time, Aborigines were there. And they would have seen and possibly interacted with this marsupial lion. So it raises the question, like, is this actually like an echo from the past? Like, this drop bear prank is actually based on like a human knowledge of the fact that there was something similar years back, and it just got passed down all this time, and then morphed into the prank? Some people say no. I think there's a possibility. It just seems weird to have come up with that independently. I could also be overthinking it.

• 6:05Speaker 02

  Oh, maybe, who knows? The first official mentions that people know about were in the beginning of, beginnings of the 1900s. And it wasn't in a newspaper, like, the words "drop bear" until 1982, apparently, when there was a message in the 21st birthdays column of the Canberra Times on 31 July. You know it's from a different country if they say 31 July.

• 6:30Josh Clark?

  Right.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  We say July 31st over here. And apparently I say can bear and that's not right either, right?

• 6:37Josh Clark?

  I think it's Canberra.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Canberra, okay.

• 6:40Josh Clark?

  I think, not even borough, bra, like bra.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  What's up, bra?

• 6:45Josh Clark?

  Yeah, what's up, Canberra?

• 6:47Speaker 02

  Okay, I got you. But in this message, regardless of pronunciations, it was Tam, T A M, beware of drop bears in the future, for sure, totally, love, Clint. And no one knows who these people were. We'll never find out who these people were, but the words drop bear, first time in print, apparently.

• 7:05Josh Clark?

  Yeah, but the year before, a post-punk band called The Drop Bears had formed back in 1981. I went and looked up one of their videos for a song called Fun Loving.

• 7:15Speaker 02

  Good?

• 7:16Josh Clark?

  Yeah, it was not bad.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Okay, let's check that out.

• 7:20Josh Clark?

  But yeah, so drop, like, drop bears somehow just came out of nowhere, that term did. But there had been this idea of a koala-like animal dropping from trees and attacking people. That had been around at least in print since the 1920s. It seems to have been a military prank, like that's where it kind of was kept alive all of the decades. But it eventually made the leap to pop culture, thanks to a guy known in Australia as Hoagies. His name is Paul Hogan. Here in the United States, we know him as Crocodile Dundee.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  I say we take a break. That's quite a cliffhanger, when you've got Crocodile Dundee hanging out there. And we'll be right back after this.

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• 9:40Josh Clark?

  Mm hmm.

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• 10:38Speaker 02

  All right, we promised talk of Crocodile Dundee. In 1981, on his show, The Paul Hogan Show, he did a skit where he starts talking about the untold horrors of the Australian bush. And although he didn't use the word drop bear, he talked about killer koalas silently sitting and then dropping out of trees and killing people.

• 10:57Josh Clark?

  Yeah, so within a few years, this thing crosses over to the mainstream. Drop bears are attached as the name and it just becomes an institution in Australia, apparently.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  That's right, and we've gotten real tips, because you know, they like to play along with this stuff, and so you can actually get real published tips on how to avoid being killed by these, right?

• 11:17Josh Clark?

  Apparently, one, so remember, they're telling, like, soldiers in Australia are telling, like, some American detachment that's visiting or doing training exercises or something, to do these things.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:28Josh Clark?

  And apparently, they do sometimes. One is to put dabs of toothpaste behind your ears.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  I mean, that's very tame.

• 11:37Josh Clark?

  I mean, toothpaste, of course.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I'm surprised that's all it was, because, why didn't they say, like, human feces or something, if they really want to kick it up?

• 11:46Josh Clark?

  Yeah, yes, but I mean, just the fact that you did something that they can demonstrate, you did that, that's enough when they tell you that this whole thing's a joke and you're a total moron.

• 11:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess so. I guess they got a little closer to human feces on this next one.

• 12:02Josh Clark?

  A little bit.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  They said you gotta smear your cheeks and forehead with Vegemite.

• 12:06Josh Clark?

  That's like...

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Boy, I'm gonna get killed for that one.

• 12:09Josh Clark?

  You are, but...

• 12:10Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry, Australia.

• 12:11Josh Clark?

  Australia, you should know by now, no one outside of Australia likes Vegemite. That's just your thing.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  That's right, and you've all got great senses of humor, so I know you'll take that with aplomb.

• 12:20Josh Clark?

  That's right. So, another one was putting forks in your hair, which, I mean, you'd have to have thick, curly hair to hold a fork in your hair.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, a fork would fall right out of my hair.

• 12:32Josh Clark?

  Same here.

• 12:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:34Josh Clark?

  And then, you could wear a neck guard, that would be the funniest one to me, that's what I would try to get people to do. Remember, like, the old-school neck guards that, like, in that episode of The Brady Bunch, where there's the car accident? The person that Mike Brady hit was wearing, like, a neck protector to keep them from turning their head.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  Uh-huh.

• 12:53Josh Clark?

  And then he throws the briefcase and they look really quickly and Mike Brady proves his case.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  Foiled, yeah.

• 12:59Josh Clark?

  Yeah, if I could get somebody to wear one of those to protect against a drop bear attack, I would feel pretty good about myself.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, and if all of these things fail, I believe so much of what you say, if you told me I needed to wear that for any reason, I probably would.

• 13:14Josh Clark?

  All right, well, keep sharp, man, because I'm gonna try it sometime.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  You know, if you want to podcast better, put on a neck brace. Apparently, if none of those things work, though, and you are a visiting military soldier, and you are attacked, to protect yourself, curl into a ball, and protect all of your major internal organs and major arteries.

• 13:33Josh Clark?

  Yeah, pretty great stuff, Chuck.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, I mean, I was kind of sad. If you look up drop bear, there's some funny pictures of like, just photoshopped koalas that look super scary and mean.

• 13:46Josh Clark?

  What do you mean, what was sad?

• 13:50Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no. Did I say sad?

• 13:52Josh Clark?

  Yeah, you said it's kind of sad.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  Did I?

• 13:55Josh Clark?

  Either that, or I've just totally lost my mind finally.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  In my mind, I said funny. I guess only the listener will know the truth.

• 14:02Josh Clark?

  Yeah.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  Of which one of us just had a stroke.

• 14:05Josh Clark?

  Maybe you guys can write in and tell us. In the meantime, everybody, short stuff is out.

• 14:14Speaker 03

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