A Simple Practice That Could Change Your Life with Gabby Bernstein

The key to manifesting may not be what you think it is, and we have one of the OGs in the spiritual space, Gabby Bernstein, to talk about it. She just released her tenth book, Self Help, and shares her simple four-step practice that can help you turn inward, heal, and manifest the life you want for yourself. We talk about limiting beliefs and the stories we tell ourselves ("I'm not good enough", "If I don't do it, no one else will", "I'm the only single one"), how the wellness space has changed in the last 20 years, the issue she sees the most in couples, and who she wants to set Rayna up with. Before Gabby joins us, we catch up on recent travels, Ashley starting her tour, and a situation Rayna had with a guy (including our fave text of the year so far). Enjoy! Follow Gabby on Instagram @gabbybernstein, listen to her podcast Dear Gabby, get her latest book Self Help, and check out her website for more. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Trade Coffee: Get 40% off your first order at https://drinktrade.com/eat. Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions at https://rocketmoney.com/gge. Betterhelp: Get 10% off your first month at https://betterhelp.com/gge. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at http://article.com/gge. Nutrafol: Get $10 off any order and free shipping when you subscribe at https://nutrafol.com with code GGEGIFT. Booking.com: Win $1000 of Booking.com travel credit by entering their sweepstakes on Instagram @bookingcom. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  If you make the commitment to do one minute a day, these four steps, you will change your life, period.

• 0:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

• 0:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Welcome back.

• 0:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, I have a very funny week. We both have big weeks.

• 0:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Coming up.

• 0:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Coming up.

• 0:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 0:34Rayna Greenberg?

  We will both have been back.

• 0:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 0:35Rayna Greenberg?

  As this episode starts, but I just got back from LA five minutes ago.

• 0:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 0:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Couple of days ago, right after this recording in one hour, I have to go to Mexico.

• 0:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  You have to for work?

• 0:45Rayna Greenberg?

  I have to go to Mexico City. I'm going with Emily and my friend Melanie. And I'm flying straight from Mexico to Vegas.

• 0:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 0:52Rayna Greenberg?

  For our birthday for 24 hours in Vegas.

• 0:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love it.

• 0:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm very excited. We're doing dinner, Aziz Ansari, club, maybe chain smokers.

• 0:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Club, another bus?

• 1:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, another bus. So yeah, it's just, it's a whirlwind. You can't come to Vegas maybe because you are starting your tour.

• 1:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  I am starting my tour. It will have been started, but as we speak, I'm like getting ready to start it this weekend in Chicago. I'll have just gotten back from Chicago. As you guys are listening, three incredible sold out shows at the Den Theater.

• 1:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Congratulations.

• 1:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Thanks. It's all downhill from here. No kidding. I just really started it with like one of my favorite theaters. But no, I am so, so excited. And we'll talk about it a little bit more when we talk about our New York trip. But you know, I'm just going to say it, this weekend, Phoenix, Raina's going to be there.

• 1:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. You've been like teasing this like big guest. Don't you? People think that it's not me.

• 1:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. Someone just said.

• 1:46Rayna Greenberg?

  You guys, who would it be?

• 1:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Someone asked if it was Sparkle Eyes, my fiance.

• 1:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Who's bigger than me?

• 1:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I said, even better. Someone in the DMs was like, is your fiancee the special guest for Phoenix? I was like, no, even better. I think I said it was you. I was like, I'll tell her.

• 2:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, I'll be there. So I'm excited. We're taking a little girly trip to Arizona.

• 2:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Guys, Raina's just been itching to get on stage. And I was like, come to Phoenix.

• 2:05Rayna Greenberg?

  My stories right now are insane.

• 2:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So she's gonna, she's hosting the show.

• 2:09Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm excited. Honestly, Ashley said I'm going to blow the light. I am. I just like, I have so much to say.

• 2:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do people even know what that means?

• 2:16Rayna Greenberg?

  So as a, when you're a comedian, you say like, I'll do like a 12 minute set and they light you so they know when to wrap it up. They'll light you at 10 minutes. There's a light at the top of the-

• 2:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's a wrap up light. Yeah. And if you blow the light, it's, you know, it's a whole thing. Some comedians, they do it all the time. And, you know, it's disrespectful.

• 2:31Rayna Greenberg?

  People don't like it.

• 2:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  People don't like it.

• 2:32Rayna Greenberg?

  I have a lot to say.

• 2:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're gonna be doing a light at my wedding for people's speeches. Wrap it up, wrap it up.

• 2:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't even know who's giving speeches at your wedding.

• 2:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Not a lot of people.

• 2:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Have you decided?

• 2:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 2:42Rayna Greenberg?

  You want to tell me?

• 2:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  They don't even know. I don't know.

• 2:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, you haven't asked them yet. Okay.

• 2:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mostly, we're gonna do some speeches on Friday night.

• 2:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Great.

• 2:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  In costume.

• 2:51Rayna Greenberg?

  You gotta break them up.

• 2:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. But at the wedding, we'll talk about it. And you're not giving a speech because your speech is the officiant, officiating.

• 2:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. So I'll give my speech while I'm up there.

• 2:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, you'll do your thing up there.

• 3:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, great.

• 3:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  You don't need the mic again.

• 3:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, great. I'll give my speech up there. I've been like picking out my outfits. I'm very excited.

• 3:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  For my wedding?

• 3:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 3:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  What?

• 3:10Rayna Greenberg?

  What do you mean?

• 3:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, to officiate. Because we gotta get all your Indian stuff. I'll help you with that.

• 3:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, no, I can't wait. I'm so excited. But I actually, people keep asking me what I'm gonna wear to officiate. And I'm thinking maybe like some kind of tuxedo type vibe.

• 3:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally. Yeah. I mean, that's what, when I did my brother's, I wanted like a black jumpsuit. I wanted to feel very priest-like. And then I changed. But I can't wait to see what you're, what you're thinking.

• 3:31Rayna Greenberg?

  I'll run everything by you, obviously. I'm excited. Well, congrats. I can't believe you're starting a tour without me. It's fucking crazy.

• 3:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  I can't believe you're gonna be in Vegas without me.

• 3:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 3:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's fucking crazy.

• 3:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I should just fly to Chicago.

• 3:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  How are you gonna be at Carbone without me?

• 3:43Rayna Greenberg?

  That's crazy.

• 3:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, anyways, so we're gonna thank our partners and get into it. Thank you to Rocket Money. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions at rocketmoney.com/gge. And Article, get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. And finally, BetterHelp, get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/gge.

• 4:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, and thank you to Nutriful. Get $10 off any order and free shipping when you subscribe at nutrafol.com with code GGEGIFT. And Booking.com, win $1,000 of Booking.com travel credit by entering their sweepstakes on Instagram at Booking.com. And a new partner, I'm so excited about, Trade Coffee. Get 40% off your first order at drinktrade.com/eat.

• 4:26Rayna Greenberg?

  So we just got back from New York. People kept asking me like, why are you going? You guys have shows. I'm like, no, Ashley has shows. Do you know how many times I've had to say, no, Ashley has shows? I'm like, oh my God, do you guys have shows? I'm like, I just go where Ashley.

• 4:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, we recorded with our guest today, so we did have a reason. We recorded with Gabby in New York.

• 4:43Rayna Greenberg?

  I had already agreed before we had a work reason. I just, people are like, are you going for dates? I'm like, I lived in New York 15 years. I have a lot of friends. I'm just gonna go.

• 4:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we do all the things.

• 4:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 4:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  So we went to New York for the week and I was pre-gaming my tour. I wanted to run the full hour that I'm most, for the most part, gonna do on tour. And I wanted to do it in New York. I wanted to do it at the stand. And so, and then just do sets all week. I did 11 sets and ran the hour twice in

• 5:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I barely saw you.

• 5:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Five days.

• 5:10Rayna Greenberg?

  It's pretty crazy how much, I mean, not how much work you put into it, because you always put hard work into this and I think you are, you really take it seriously. But we worked all day, every day, and then you went to work at night.

• 5:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  It really, by the Saturday night, so I did pretty much, I ran the hour twice and did two shows. And then every other night I did like three sets. And honestly, by Saturday, I was like, I did too much. Whoever saw me at the nine on Saturday, I'm sorry, I just was, I had nothing left.

• 5:37Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know how you've been.

• 5:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I just felt like, I never would have done this and outside of this situation, I would have taken one night at least. Like, it just was a lot to work all day and then go out and perform all night. And it did start to wear on me at the very end, but I'm really glad I like got the reps in. And I just feel so good about the material, like just have it all out there. And I just feel really proud and just so happy to, I get like emotional, like so happy to share it with you guys on tour. It's just storytelling and obviously comedy and humor. And I'm just really proud of how it all came together. And it was so great to have you there and like immediately getting off stage. Like, I have to hear your thoughts and opinions. And like, we had the exact same feeling on like a part I want to take out and what we can put in there.

• 6:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I've been like working that out. And it's just, I felt like so happy to have all my friends around me, you, Andrew, Colin, even like Bobby and Izzy of kind of like giving me feedback on kind of like what to sub into this one kind of missing chunk. And then I was able to really get there by the end of the week. So I just, I feel great and I can't wait to see you guys. And at this point, I've Done in Chicago, but I have Phoenix this weekend with Rayna Greenberg and Brittany Schmidt. It's like a girl's trip, girl's night. I can't wait. You guys come to Phoenix. It's gonna be so fun, the three of us.

• 6:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I'm excited.

• 6:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's gonna be wild. And then I'll just rattle off the cities. Miami, Tampa, Salt Lake. Can't wait to be there. So excited. We haven't been there in a while. Pasadena, right, you know, down the street. Portland, Oregon, Washington DC, Toronto, Denver, then here in LA, a hometown show, Charlotte, Atlanta, San Diego and San Francisco. And I, you know, I may be adding some more. We'll, we'll see. And then my goal is to shoot a special and then get married. And that's the Sex Before Marriage Tour. And you guys can get tickets at ashess.com.

• 7:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I felt a real rush watching you walk offstage the first time. I've seen most of your material, but watching you run up for the first, I felt just such a rush of like pride. You just, you've worked for this for a really long time. This is the culmination of all that. So I'm just, I'm excited. I'm sad I can't be there in Chicago this weekend. But you'll be with Sparkles.

• 7:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, he'll be fine. My friend Oscar Aiden is gonna open and he'll be on some tour dates too. Brittany's coming to a few. Brittany will come to Salt Lake, which will be really fun. Just me and Brittany in Mormon country. Just two slots. That's really it. So ashess.com for tickets for the Sex Before Marriage Tour. And I'll see you guys out there.

• 7:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, I'm excited for you.

• 7:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. How was your week in New York?

• 7:58Rayna Greenberg?

  My week was great. You weren't there with me as much, socializing. So I did a lot of one-on-one hangs with a lot of people. I did a lot of like group hangs without you.

• 8:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Crazy.

• 8:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm just like, you know, I'm finding my way in the world without you.

• 8:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  It was really weird. Like obviously I saw you every day, but it was weird to be like, what are you doing tonight?

• 8:16Rayna Greenberg?

  I have to go work. Nobody made me make reservations, that's for sure. I was just flying on my own time. It was nice. But you met me most nights. I saw you most nights. No, I had this very funny situation happen with this guy that we have just been like laughing about so hard for days.

• 8:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 8:31Rayna Greenberg?

  And I will say like, I have enjoyed dating like a few people at once and having a bunch of guys in the mix. Cause like, it makes everything kind of less serious. And that doesn't mean you let people, by the way, like treat you like shit. It just, it makes it easier when somebody's behavior isn't great to be like, I don't care about you.

• 8:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like the stakes are low. You don't have fire eggs in one basket.

• 8:48Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't care about you and I don't care about this.

• 8:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I'm gonna talk to someone else.

• 8:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Other people to talk to. I had gone out with this guy and I really liked him. We had a really fun time together and right away he had like scheduled plans with me and we were like talking a bunch and sending like playlists and I just like really we a lot we a lot of things in common, a lot of similar hobbies and I really enjoyed him. I was attracted to him and I was excited to see him again. And he had made a plan with me to see me and it was like a Monday night. I was gonna see him on a Tuesday. And Monday night he had like confirmed, Tuesday he canceled. And he said I had this work thing come up, whatever. And I was like, yeah, sure, no problem. And he was like, let's just like reschedule when I get back in town. So he picked the day. So this is.

• 9:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  The following, the week, like he was like, let's reschedule for one week from now. I'm going out of town this weekend. I don't need a day to recharge. Like next Tuesday it's on.

• 9:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it was a pretty like, you couldn't misinterpret it.

• 9:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  It was firm plans. He was not like, I'll hit you up next Tuesday and we'll see. It was, it was firm.

• 9:48Rayna Greenberg?

  He said, let's firm.

• 9:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know it was firm because he said it was firm.

• 9:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Let's firm up these plans. He's like, I'm gonna go out of town. I'm gonna recover this day. I'll see you on Tuesday. See you next Tuesday.

• 10:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it was concrete.

• 10:00Rayna Greenberg?

  He said, I'll see you next Tuesday. No, he didn't. But he said, let's do it Tuesday. So I'm like, that's fine. So we texted a little, we DM'd a little bit. He went out of town. Sunday comes around, I'm assuming I'll like hear from him about the trip. I don't hear from him, whatever. I don't care. It's not my boyfriend. So Monday, I'm like, surely I'll hear from him today. I'll be like, see you tomorrow. Nothing. So Tuesday morning, I'm like, I'm not gonna see him. Of course you're not gonna see him. I'd like, I just, I think you hear from people. And I didn't hear from him. I never heard from him. And I think maybe some of you were like, well, why didn't you text him? Because I don't want to. Because he already canceled on me once. And so I'm not being like, hey, hello.

• 10:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Buzz buzz.

• 10:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, if a person wants to see you, they'll see you. And I had already agreed to the previous plans, which he canceled. And I had agreed to the follow-up plans. So if you want to see me, you will check in with me.

• 10:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, for the plans that you made.

• 10:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, you made the plans. And then you made another firm plan.

• 10:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 10:51Rayna Greenberg?

  So I didn't check in because I don't have to. That's not how plans work. If a friend of mine canceled on me and rescheduled, I wouldn't, I wouldn't check in.

• 10:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 10:59Rayna Greenberg?

  So I don't hear from him. I'm like. Then that's that, you know, and that night you and I were like, what are we gonna say to him? And I, I thought I would maybe say something like, hey, I know things come up, but I would have appreciated a heads up, which you are well within your right to do. I never hooked up with this guy. I didn't sleep with him. I don't think he owed me anything. We went out once. I did not need to have a discussion with an adult about their behavior. You made a plan with me, blew me off. I don't need to send you a, hey, this really bothered me. If you want to, great.

• 11:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  I was like, he's, he's gonna reach out at some point. They always do. He, he's coming back around. We don't know when it's gonna be. We don't know where it's gonna be. If it's gonna be on texts, if it's gonna be in the, if it's gonna be in the DMs, but he's coming back. And then you will say something. You're not just gonna never let him, you know, you, you will address it. Once he comes back around, you'll have your chance.

• 11:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 11:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you were, your, your plan was never to like, act like nothing happened and then just start chitty, like chatty with him, like.

• 11:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Chitty chatting.

• 11:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, just chitty chatting with him.

• 11:54Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, I think that you're welcome to draw a boundary with somebody about how they communicate with you. But this guy wasn't trying to communicate with me. Or was he gonna draw a boundary with a person that didn't wanna talk to me? I'm like, I don't like the way you treat me. And he's like, I don't wanna treat you anyway. That's the point of this. I didn't wanna talk to you. So I just let it go. And I was like, at some point else, I'll hear from him. So I did, two days later, he just responded to this Instagram story, how was your dinner at this place? I was like, what?

• 12:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's like, two days have gone by. I bet she forgot.

• 12:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I bet she just forgot. And again, not somebody I had like a deep romantic relationship, but it's fine. I wrote, it was fine. He responded to another Instagram story. I totally ignored that one. And then the following week, when we, a couple of days ago, I posted, I was going to Mexico City. Do people have recs? You guys, by the way, incredible. Our audience is amazing. They sent me emails, DMs, so many different recs. And he texted me and said like, hey, how are you? I have tons of great Mexico City recs for you. And I was like, we're just not gonna acknowledge this. We're just not gonna say anything.

• 12:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 12:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Did you think I was just gonna not say something?

• 12:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's what he was hoping. That was the hope.

• 12:58Rayna Greenberg?

  That was the hope. I expect this behavior from a 27 year old man.

• 13:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Exactly what I said.

• 13:05Rayna Greenberg?

  If I was describing it to like another friend, she was like, how old is this guy?

• 13:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it's, it's young behavior.

• 13:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Forty-two.

• 13:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 13:12Rayna Greenberg?

  So this is.

• 13:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Ew.

• 13:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Can you imagine turning 42?

• 13:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Honestly, no.

• 13:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sick.

• 13:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yuck.

• 13:25Rayna Greenberg?

  We're kidding, because Ashley's turning 42.

• 13:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 13:32Rayna Greenberg?

  We're not insulting our listeners. We're gonna, we're about to be there.

• 13:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my god.

• 13:38Rayna Greenberg?

  So I just, you know, in the past, I might have just brushed this under the rug and been like, I liked this guy. He blew me off. Let me just get back in there by any means possible. And in my younger years, I might have, or I might have been like, you know, you blew me off. You know, like I might have like taken a bait and been like angry, but like, I just wanted to have like the lightest response to this ever. So what Ashley and I crafted together.

• 14:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  We were in the elevator going up and just, we came up with it. I just said goodbye to Raina on her floor. I'm like, have fun. Get me posted.

• 14:09Rayna Greenberg?

  It is such a rush.

• 14:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 14:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Hitting send on that text you did with your friend.

• 14:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 14:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  On this masterpiece you created with your friend.

• 14:18Rayna Greenberg?

  He was like, hey, I saw you're going to, you know, Mexico City. I have so many good spots for you. So does the internet, by the way. Like, I don't need this. I don't need your recommendations. This is one of the most traveled to food destinations in North America. If not the world is the highest concentration of Michelin starred restaurants. I have the whole internet. I have tons of friends. Somebody who made a plan with me and then blew me off twice.

• 14:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 14:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't need your help.

• 14:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  And he just wants to flex.

• 14:43Rayna Greenberg?

  That's all it is.

• 14:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is about him. This is bragging. He wants to be like, I've been there and I know what's good. Like, this isn't even about you. This is about him wanting to be Mr. Rec Guy.

• 14:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Had nothing to do with me.

• 14:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 14:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I'll tell you what. So I wrote, hey, can I really trust the recs of someone who blew me off twice? And.

• 15:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then we did a, we just, the emoji was just like, hmm.

• 15:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Can I though?

• 15:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  The emoji really lightens it up.

• 15:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, it is light to me.

• 15:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's light.

• 15:12Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, cause I, I believe you when you, when people, when people treat you a certain way, you should believe them. That was the behavior. If somebody wants to see you, they'll see you. If he wanted to make a follow up plan with me, he would have. He did not.

• 15:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 15:23Rayna Greenberg?

  He wrote, I deserve that. Got me. Ah, like what? Ah, you know, I deserve that.

• 15:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's like, you know what? I'm gonna do is show accountability. This is, I Googled it and this is what ChatGPT said I should say. To show accountability.

• 15:37Rayna Greenberg?

  I deserve that is so funny. Like, if somebody gave me their time and I did blow them off two times, it feels antagonistic. And I don't care about you, so it doesn't...

• 15:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I would never text them, "Can I give you some Rex?" It's the audacity for me. We've all blown people off. But you don't come back around, buzz buzz, it's me, remember I blew you off? That's what's so crazy. That's like the crazy male behavior.

• 16:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I think, I'm not saying he just decided he didn't like you and was, and blew you off and ghosted you. I don't know what went through his head. But I'm just saying, like, women would, would be like, ah, I made plans with this guy. I don't want to go. And I'm just gonna see if I can ghost out of this. Like, I'm not saying that that's great behavior, but like, everybody's done it. You don't come back around.

• 16:20Rayna Greenberg?

  You just, you don't act, come back around and act like nothing happened.

• 16:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, that's what's so cra- yeah, exactly.

• 16:26Rayna Greenberg?

  It's really disrespectful. And a person who looks at themselves of high quality, and you should, wouldn't put up with this shit. So, I deserve that. Technically only once, and it wasn't my fault, per se. But sorry for that. I could break this sentence down for the rest of my life. First of all, technically once.

• 16:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Technically, not the technically.

• 16:45Rayna Greenberg?

  He's like, technically, if you want to be semantical about it, I made up a lie and not see you the first time. So, I didn't actually blow you off the first time. The first time I lied and said it was work-related. The second time, you got me. I deserve that.

• 17:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's so insane.

• 17:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Technically, you're gonna tell me I'm wrong? You called me wrong?

• 17:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is so cra- also, how many times? What does it matter? Like, it's so crazy, like, hey, you did this shitty thing twice. Bah, technically once. It's crazy! "It wasn't my fault, per se," is my favorite line of the year so far.

• 17:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Whose fault was it? It wasn't my fault, per se.

• 17:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Not the per se.

• 17:25Rayna Greenberg?

  I decided to make a firm plan with you. I didn't go to it, and I never acknowledged it. It wasn't my fault, per se.

• 17:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  But which one isn't his fault? The first one, the li- the lie one? He's still not addressing the second blow off.

• 17:37Rayna Greenberg?

  So, he actually, he conflated the two. Is what happened. So, he is responding to two different things at once. He's saying...

• 17:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I deserved that. It was technically once and it wasn't my fault per se. He's saying the first time was not his fault.

• 17:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:57Rayna Greenberg?

  I had to read that a few times because I was like, is he saying that he doesn't even remember that there was one time? Like, I thought he was correcting me. Like, it was only once.

• 18:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 18:06Rayna Greenberg?

  And he's saying like, the first time it was work-related, it's not, so it's not my fault per se.

• 18:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 18:11Rayna Greenberg?

  At least I made up a lie to you the first time, so I didn't have to see you.

• 18:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  We were saying it wasn't my fault per se all week. We need merch. It was my fault per se. I'm wearing that.

• 18:22Rayna Greenberg?

  If every, I think everybody should buy that for their partner, for their male partner.

• 18:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  It wasn't my fault.

• 18:26Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I think there's a lot of people that would just fall in their sword and be like, yeah, I know that sucks. Stuff came up. Stuff comes up. We're all strangers. I think that people are deeply nuanced and so are their lives. And people are dealing with stuff in their lives, whether it's work-related, family-related, or maybe he didn't even really like me that much. I don't know. But like, to say, ah, you got me, but it wasn't really my fault per se. It's so crazy and I can't, I was trying to think, like, I do like this guy. It's not that big of a deal. It's light. So is there a way that I spin this so I could ever see him again? But he like refuses to say the things that would ever make me see a person again, which is like,

• 19:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, that's his character.

• 19:05Rayna Greenberg?

  I know that sucks and, you know, it's not really who I am, which he did say, that's not who I am. I'm a nice guy.

• 19:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  You guys.

• 19:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Jess is just laughing out loud.

• 19:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  We know, like, literally, we started asking ourselves and our friends, like, have you ever?

• 19:18Rayna Greenberg?

  We started asking ourselves.

• 19:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  I couldn't help but wonder. No, like, legitimate, good guy I know, like, a guy I would consider to be like a genuine, great guy, a great partner, a great friend, you know, like, our brothers, my fiance, Rob, like, I'm just, you know, all those guys. I've never heard them say I'm a nice guy. Like, I'm a nice guy is such a red flag. Nice guys, really, like, genuine, kind guys, don't say that about themselves. I will stand by this. I mean, I could be, obviously, there's exceptions to every rule, but like, I'm a nice guy? Is a red flag.

• 19:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I know. And he might not have liked you that much, but he did say, again, I'm really sorry. That's not who I am. And I said, who are you? Which just made me laugh.

• 19:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, so funny.

• 19:59Rayna Greenberg?

  I was naked in the shower. It was like 1:30 in the morning.

• 20:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  LOL, who are you?

• 20:01Rayna Greenberg?

  I was drunk. Yeah, I said, LOL, who are you? He said, a nice person. Who doesn't intentionally blow people off. You did intentionally blow me off. What are you saying to me?

• 20:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's so crazy. I mean, that's the nail in the coffin is like, I'm a nice guy. After this?

• 20:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Who didn't intentionally blow you off? What are you saying to me? You did.

• 20:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 20:18Rayna Greenberg?

  But you did.

• 20:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, it wasn't his fault per se.

• 20:20Rayna Greenberg?

  It wasn't his fault per se.

• 20:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, man. Yeah, I mean, the way it all played out was just like a bummer and just like so immature. That's one of my main things. It's just like, I don't know. It feels like par for the course in your twenties, maybe.

• 20:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 20:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Which is not acceptable no matter what, but it's just like, ah, kids are gonna kid.

• 20:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I think you grow up and you just like learn to respect people's time a little bit more. The stakes feel bigger and you've had more serious relationships and I really wanted him to say like anything besides what he said.

• 20:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 20:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I really, I think he probably could look at this and be like, I said sorry twice. I said, this is not who I am. I said, it's not really my fault.

• 21:00Rayna Greenberg?

  I think he could be like, what I wrote was nice and I offered to help her. And I've offered twice. I just wanted, I don't know. I wanted him to just say like, let me make it up to you.

• 21:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 21:09Rayna Greenberg?

  That's all I wanted. Like, yeah, I know that's a bummer. Let me make it up to you. He won this trip. I think that it was like a bachelor party trip. I'm sure you are exhausted and fucked up and maybe hooked up with a bunch of girls there and now hanging out with me, making dinner does not sound so shiny. You're banged up, but I just wanted like, sorry, let me make it up to you.

• 21:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, again, like it's not all about age, but any grown up who is somewhat evolved should have handled it better.

• 21:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it's not how I would treat somebody.

• 21:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 21:40Rayna Greenberg?

  And I have to ask myself, like, is that how I want to be treated by somebody? It's not.

• 21:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 21:43Rayna Greenberg?

  I think of myself as like a high value person. I don't want to be treated like that. And I think that like things aren't so heavy and that's the thing that's like, the podcast has brought me over the years and I always say that, like, I understand that people have shit and I'm not so like mad about this and how dare you, but like, I don't know. There's just like other ways to approach.

• 21:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, you got your point across and I know what you did and you said it in a lightweight and that is not how some people would would treat the situation and that's okay. And you know, we have a friend who deals with situations like this and she wants our advice and she really gets angry and she pops off. And I don't know, I think sometimes she may have a tendency to send messages and react in a way that has someone being like, whoa, like dodged a bullet there, you know, and however you want to react is fine and feels authentic to you. But I'm big on like, how do I want to be perceived? Not that I care what this person thinks about me, but how do I want to look back on this situation and my reactions?

• 22:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I want to also think like, how in three weeks, am I going to look back and be proud of my behavior if I pop off on him? A year, am I going to look back and even remember this person's name? No. And yeah, at its core, it hurts my feelings to be blown off. I met somebody I liked, I had a lot in common with, I thought that he was attracted to me or liked me. It hurts when somebody decides to not treat you the best way possible, no matter who you are. Like at its core, it makes you feel a certain way, it makes you feel bad. But yeah, I don't want to look back and know that I, I don't know, brought a gun to a fistfight.

• 23:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. Like you didn't have this history, like, yeah, you weren't intimate at all. Like, exactly. And again, like, it's just however you want to react that feels authentic to you. But sometimes I'm like, I want my reaction to match the intensity of the situation.

• 23:24Rayna Greenberg?

  That's what it is. And maybe you want to fuck down the road. Maybe you want to leave the door open later on.

• 23:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't, I can't trust him.

• 23:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't.

• 23:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think he's shown us who he is, unfortunately. You know, and let's say he comes back around, he wants to do this big apology tour or whatever. And then, I don't know, like, you get in a relationship with him and I'm never gonna, gonna forget it. He's, it wasn't my fault per se guy.

• 23:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Tink says this very funny. Did you see that Tink's clip? She said like, in the beginning of a relationship, like, a lot of people are hesitant to like, share stuff with their friends that this person does because they're like, my friends will never forget it. And she's like, I'm the friend that will never forget it. Like, I'll never forget if somebody does my friend dirty.

• 24:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, and it's like, in a way that, I never forget anything. I'm like a bald problem and

• 24:09Rayna Greenberg?

  That's a problem for me.

• 24:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  But like, It's not that I'm gonna keep bringing this up. It's just like, it's always in the back of my head because you are suspicious that it'll resurface.

• 24:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it's noted.

• 24:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like, I always think about that. Like, when relationships end, sometimes you're like, God, we saw that come. Like, he showed us that so early on. And we just, you know, someone decided to overlook it. But you showed your character.

• 24:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I think that like, there are certain things that can be worked on long term. And again, I was never in a relationship with this person. But not respecting other people's time, not respecting like, plans. That's like, pretty important to me. And it's totally, it's a real boundary for me in a relationship, it would be.

• 24:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and then just the lack of responsibility. I don't know. Yeah.

• 24:57Rayna Greenberg?

  But it wasn't his fault, Prisa.

• 24:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  It wasn't his fault.

• 25:00Rayna Greenberg?

  That's all it feels about it. All right, well, we're gonna wrap up because I have to go to Mexico.

• 25:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 25:05Rayna Greenberg?

  And you have to go to Chicago.

• 25:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we're just gonna talk about a couple of our partners. Okay, so Trade Coffee, I am a coffee girlie.

• 25:13Rayna Greenberg?

  It's so important to you.

• 25:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  It is like, self-care to me. Like, my morning cup of coffee is a must. Like, I'm just such a like, I love to share coffee with like, a friend and my partner. And I'm just like, it is, it's just so huge for me. I know a lot of people feel this way, they love coffee. But like, I get excited about it.

• 25:26Rayna Greenberg?

  It's the first thing I do every morning.

• 25:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Exactly.

• 25:28Rayna Greenberg?

  And I do stretches that your brother prescribed, and then I drink a cup of coffee. It's the first thing I do. And it's important to me to pick one that tastes good.

• 25:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  I would actually probably have a partner that like, didn't drink alcohol before. Someone that didn't drink coffee. Like, I want to share that with somebody.

• 25:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, wow.

• 25:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's, it's very important to like, share that. It's a love language. So I, I think that that sets the tone for why I love Trade so much. So Trade is the number one US specialty coffee marketplace, bringing you fresh coffee from over 50 of the country's top roasters. So this is so fun. You can go on their website and you can like, find a roaster from, I don't know, a place you've visited, or maybe where you're from. And their experts have taste-tested thousands of coffees to curate over 450 amazing roasts. So whether you're new to coffee, or you know your favorites, they're gonna handpick the perfect coffee for you. You're gonna take a quiz, they'll match you with your perfect coffee. And if that bag isn't quite right, they will replace it for free until they nail it. So they're just like, we want to find the perfect coffee for you. Every bag- Is roasted to order. You'll taste and smell the difference from your very first cup.

• 26:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Their prices are on par with grocery store brands, but the quality is next level and you're supporting these local roasters. So I love everything they have to offer and I've gotten a few, but one that I'm loving that I got is from Atomic Coffee Roasters. They're out of Massachusetts. They're from Peabody, Mass. And it's the Space Cadet Coffee. It is a medium roast, tasty notes, brown sugar, ripe fruit, milk chocolate. I'm just obsessed. And you know, just my fiance is from Boston. Like I kind of like the Mass connection and I've had some other ones too. But I'm just really, really loving it and I'm just gonna keep doing this and you guys can shop. Again, you're gonna take the quiz and you're just gonna find your perfect coffees and you can decide if you want them full bean or already ground and the type of coffee maker you have, like all that is gonna be options for you too.

• 27:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  So right now, Trade is exclusively offering our listeners 40% off your first order at drinktrade.com/eat. That's drinktrade, T R A D, dot com slash eat for 40% off your first order. Drinktrade.com/eat.

• 27:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. And you guys all know the feeling. You kind of sign up for something, a subscription. You forget about the trial period ending and then you're charged month after month after month. I probably had so many of these. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. And in fact, I just learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month. I had so many more than that, you guys. But thanks to Rocket Money, I can see all my subscriptions in one place and cancel the ones I'm not using anymore. And now I'm saving even more. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills. You can grow your savings. I mean, I love this app. I loved it when I got in there. The interface is super easy to use and you can see all the subscriptions you're paying for in one place.

• 28:07Rayna Greenberg?

  So I bet you have a ton of stuff floating out around there that you did not even know existed and they will help you in their dashboard. It gives you like a clear view of your expenses, your subscriptions, so you can kind of make a plan for yourself, which is very important. We have a great episode about money coming up, but they really are the one step shop. They're gonna help you negotiate lowering your bills as well. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com/gge. That's rocketmoney.com/gge. Rocketmoney.com/gge.

• 28:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, booking.com. Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me. Are you ready to sing the song?

• 28:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  This episode of Girls Gonna Eat is brought to you by booking.com, the official accommodation partner of MLB. Booking.com, booking dot, yeah. It's spring, spring into summer. It is baseball season. We love booking.com. They are the official accommodation partner of MLB. And we also love them as well for booking our stays. We were just in New York, like we were talking about, and that's where we booked our hotel stay. And we've always been fans of booking with them. There's anything you could imagine, wide variety of stays. You're looking for a vacation home, a five-star hotel, or even a cabin in the woods. You guys can book with booking.com. And, you know, let's talk about the MLB side of it. So we love going to baseball games. We've been talking about how we're gonna go here in LA. And, you know, when you go to a baseball game, one of the best parts is when the stadium sings a song you all know and love together.

• 29:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  We created our own version of Take Me Out to the Ball Game, which we're gonna all sing together. Yay! Okay, ready? Take me out to the Hamptons. Raina, you're a little quick. Now you don't like that I'm doing it with you? One, two, three, hit it. Take me out to the Hamptons. Take me out to Raina Palooza. Then to Vegas for Ashley's bachelorette. At the mail review, everyone will be wet. Let us book, book, book with booking.com. And then we get ready to thrive. Cause it's one, two, three clicks, you're booked for the summer of 2025. I think my cadence was perfect. You did. Everyone can feel that you've gotta get out of here in 10 minutes.

• 30:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Raina said if it's 1:45 and we're not done, she's walking out. I said I will walk off this set. Booking.com wants to help make you a fan of any US city with a chance to win $1,000 in booking.com travel credit. All you have to do is head to booking.com's Instagram page. It's @bookingcom. And check out their sweepstakes post for more details. And let's get into it with Gabby.

• 30:46Rayna Greenberg?

  All right, guys, we are very excited to welcome our guest today. She is a renowned spiritual teacher and a number one New York Times bestselling author. She has been hailed as the next generation thought leader by Oprah Winfrey. She is the author of 10 bestselling books, including The Universe Has Your Back, Super Attractor, and Happy Days. She is the host of the podcast Dear Gabby, and she frequently appears on The Today Show, Good Morning America, among others, to share her expertise in meditation, manifestation, and cultivating inner peace. Her newest book is out now, Self Help. Please welcome to the show Gabby Bernstein.

• 31:18Speaker 00

  You guys, I love that I'm on Girls Gotta Eat, and like, the second I sat down, I was like, I'm gonna eat a cheese wheel right now. Like, the little milk from the deli, Bo Digg and Cheese Wheel.

• 31:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  You got it, Gabby. The old school, like, Baby Bell, little netting, like, the wax.

• 31:34Speaker 00

  The netting.

• 31:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  The wax. It's just iconic.

• 31:36Speaker 00

  Girls gotta eat.

• 31:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Girls gotta eat. You came in hot.

• 31:38Speaker 00

  A girl was hungry, and she's like, blood sugar's going, whatever. I don't know what it's doing, so gotta eat.

• 31:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  If you have coffee and an empty stomach, what will happen? Is it like a jittery thing?

• 31:47Speaker 00

  Well, I'm getting really, okay, I'm 45 years old. I'm getting very nerdy. I'm going through perimenopause. I'm getting super nerdy. I'm on HRT. I'm super nerdy about all of my fitness. By the way, my fitness markers are like fucking awesome right now.

• 32:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Go off.

• 32:02Speaker 00

  A year ago, prior to being treated for perimenopause, I was like, I was like a shit show. It was like, like, I was like skinny fat, you know what I mean? Even though I worked out. And then I started getting all my healing and everything going, and my, my heavy weights, and my high protein, and my, my hormones, and all the things. And I literally just did one of those, like, BMI, and whatever, all the da-da-da, whatever they are. And I was like, I was like, an athlete shape.

• 32:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, we could just talk about perimenopause on this episode. I just, it's like, not talked about enough.

• 32:33Speaker 00

  It's here, and we're talking about it.

• 32:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, good. No, I'm glad.

• 32:36Speaker 00

  It's a spiritual shakedown, yeah.

• 32:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 32:38Speaker 00

  We can, we can go there.

• 32:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  All right. Well, we were just talking previously, and you said you've been in the, I'll call it self-help industry for 20 years, and you've written so many books, and you've probably seen a huge evolution of this industry in general. So for people who don't know who you are, can we just talk about your journey?

• 32:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, totally. So, so I think I've definitely been at the forefront of the zeitgeist of people seeking spirituality and wellness. I started my career when I was 25. I first got sober at 25 years old. And in my sobriety, I started reclaiming a lot of my spiritual faith. Because as a child, I was brought up learning to meditate, brought to ashrams, and

• 33:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, you were.

• 33:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, my mom was very spiritual.

• 33:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 33:15Speaker 00

  And so I had that foundation. And so then I returned to it in my sobriety, and very quickly started giving talks. So I would go To the Soho House and give talks or to the gay, lesbian, transgender center across the street from my apartment in the West Village. And I would like set up the chairs and I would say Gabby at the door. And it was like hundreds of, you know, 20 something New York women that were out on a Friday night coming to hear me give a talk about spirituality and forgiveness and manifesting. And it was this new wave of now those 20 year old women are in their 40s with me now. But it was this new wave of spirituality. It was a next generation spiritual message.

• 33:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 33:55Speaker 00

  And it was way before anyone was gluten free. No one was drinking green juice. Like I would go to these raw food parties in this neighborhood. We're in the East Village right now. That like roller blade to these raw food parties. And it was like a weird thing to drink a green juice. And I'd be like telling my friends that were like eating like raw pizzas. And they'd be like, what is that? You know, this was, this was very at the forefront of this wellness movement, frankly. And so it's interesting now to kind of be 20 years later in a different generation now of this new generation of sort of wellness, mind manifesting seekers and to see the difference and to see where we were to where we are now. But yeah, I spent, I spent the last 20 years developing, even living three blocks away

• 34:40Speaker 00

  from here, which is just, it's so beautiful to be back in this neighborhood. I've hardly been back since the pandemic. And I just, I'm in awe of that time of just speaking at the middle church right up here, like three blocks away was like my spiritual home. And it actually burnt down during COVID and now it's back. And I told them, I want to get back there. It's a, it's like a Unitarian church.

• 35:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, that's what my parents are.

• 35:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly. And I just recall this fond memories of being this 20, 30 year old, just busting through New York City, just speaking on spiritual principles and building this, this movement of, of new seekers.

• 35:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I have so many questions, but like, what brought you to do that? What started that? I mean, you grew up in that way.

• 35:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was brought up that way. I always, I think that there is this Joan of Arc quote that I like, which is, I'm not afraid I was born to do this. And it feels very much aligned with me and my mission. Because while I can, you know, sit here and we can talk about our nails and we can be very much in the world. I've always very much felt like that veil has been lifted for me between a world beyond my physical sight. I've always been able to feel connected to the spiritual realm and to channel and to have deep, deep spiritual meditative practice. And it's been not a spiritual part of my life, but I've lived a spiritual life.

• 36:05Speaker 00

  And so I've always known, in a sense, even as a kid, I was the president of the Jewish youth group and like, leading these like hundreds of kids like in the temple. But like, being like this like spiritual Sherpa at like 13, you know, like I, I knew that this was what I was here to do, is to crack people open to a way of seeing the world in a different lens. And so it's just what I know I came here for.

• 36:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did this help you get sober or did you rediscover this after you were sober?

• 36:31Speaker 00

  Oh, it definitely helped because I had my stack of self-help books next to my bed and I'd be like, at my after-hours parties in my studio apartment, doing coke and whatever. And I'd be like pointing to my stack of self-help books and telling the random strangers in my apartment, I'm gonna be a motivational speaker and a self-help book author. And they'd be like, you're on coke, Gavin. Go fuck yourself. But I knew, I knew. And that foundation was there. And so that foundation was what allowed me to, on October 2nd of 2005, hit my knees and ask the universe for a miracle. And I said, I need a miracle. And I actually heard an inner voice say to me, get clean and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams.

• 37:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, wow.

• 37:13Speaker 00

  And that day, I went to Second and Second, right over here to a meeting, to a 12-step meeting, and I've been sober ever since.

• 37:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 37:20Speaker 00

  This is, this neighborhood is like really.

• 37:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, I can like deal with it, like coming up with you.

• 37:24Speaker 00

  This is my hood, you guys.

• 37:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love that we're recording with you here. The only place I've lived in. York is the East Village, so you know.

• 37:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it means a lot to us, too.

• 37:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. So you talk about in your work, there's a lot about manifestation and spirituality and trusting that the universe will give you what is meant for you and things like that. For those who don't really know what manifestation is, and we've talked about it on the show a lot, and Ashley and I's, how we digest what quote unquote manifestation is. Personally, for me, it's not necessarily like, trust that things will happen. It's like set intention and then work towards that thing. Actionable goals. So that's the interpretation of manifestation for me. And I'm curious what your interpretation of manifesting is.

• 38:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  And if it's changed.

• 38:03Speaker 00

  So, simply put, we manifest what we believe. We manifest who we are. So the beliefs that we have have an energy, right? So if we're walking around feeling like, I'm not good enough, or I can't attract love, or I'm not worthy of abundance, we feel a low vibration. We feel funky. That energy is what we're putting out, and that energy is what we get back. We manifest the energy that we are. So we have a lot more power than we think, because our real power is to heal. Our real power is to befriend the parts of ourselves that feel so stuck, to heal the beliefs that hold us back.

• 38:47Speaker 00

  And so while I've written 10 books on the topic of manifestation and spirituality, they're really, at their core, self-help books, because they're designed to help you heal the beliefs that block you from the manifestation that you are. And so the key to manifesting isn't like, how many times can I write it down on a vision board, or how many ways can I repeat this, or all the bullshit TikTok things that you see out there, which maybe they work a little bit because they're making you focus on something, but those are just tricks. You don't need to play tricks with the universe. You just are all day, every day, manifesting and attracting. But the real manifesting flex, the real, the real way to attract what you want is to heal the beliefs that you don't want.

• 39:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I love that because I think, you know, people can kind of tie manifestation into privilege and like, oh, I would just love to just like wish these things, you know, but I'm starting at like a low baseline maybe of where a lot of healing needs to be done.

• 39:45Speaker 00

  Everybody's got a lot of healing that needs to be done.

• 39:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 39:47Speaker 00

  Some more than others. Some people just have a little bit more ease in life and there maybe their brain chemistry is a little different or they've had less trauma in their past. But we've all got shit. Okay. And that past experience, whatever it might be, big, big T trauma, little T trauma, the experiences from our past, they, it dictates who we are in the present. And so in every moment, we all have a choice. We can keep repeating the patterns and beliefs that we've been carrying and keep living the life that we're living. Or we can start to undo some of those belief systems and befriend the parts of ourselves that need to be healed. And it's, it's, it's, it's not necessarily what the listener wants to hear, right? Out of that, you know, they, they came here and they're like, this is the topic on manifesting.

• 40:32Speaker 00

  Like, who's going to tell me how to get what I want? That's not what I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you that you can have everything you want far beyond your wildest dreams when you turn inward and heal.

• 40:44Rayna Greenberg?

  I like the discussion of like, the things that you tell yourself will become your reality and that so much negative self-talk of like, no one ever loves me or I'm not meant for greatness. Why does everybody else get this thing that I can't have? And you do start to like, I guess for lack of it, vibrate on a different level.

• 40:58Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 40:58Rayna Greenberg?

  And, and start, you know, when you're starting from a negative place, you don't like yourself, you sometimes attract not great things into your life. It's not your fault. There's, people go through all kinds of issues. It's hard to just pick yourself up out of bed when you're like, my last four relationships ended and every one of those guys found their partner right after me. I'm the last girl that everybody dates before they find their partner. I'm just making up these things. But like, it's hard to stop telling yourself those stories.

• 41:22Speaker 00

  So those stories, if you'd ask yourself about those stories, everybody knows those stories. You guys know your stories?

• 41:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 41:30Speaker 00

  Whatever they might be, limiting beliefs, right? And then if you ask yourself, how long have those stories been around? Let me ask you. How long have your stories been around?

• 41:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Tell ourselves or just in the world?

• 41:39Speaker 00

  Limiting beliefs, the limiting beliefs that you might have in your own life. You don't have to say what they are, but are you familiar with some of them?

• 41:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, yeah, since childhood.

• 41:48Speaker 00

  Since childhood, yeah.

• 41:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Probably for like since middle school for me.

• 41:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, for example, I'll use myself as an example. I had a belief, and I'm going to say had because I've really worked with a lot of work on it and I feel really healed. That was if I don't do it, nobody else will do it.

• 42:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 42:03Speaker 00

  And I lived with that belief up until a few months ago. Really, it's like a quantum shift recently, but not a quantum shift, like it's been decades of healing to get to this point. And if I were to ask myself, how long has that belief been around? As long as I can remember. As long as I can remember, you know, since I was a little, small child.

• 42:21Rayna Greenberg?

  This is just that you can't trust that other people will take care of things unless you are in charge of it.

• 42:25Speaker 00

  Exactly. And why? Because I was a child who didn't have the right, neglect and didn't have all the, had trauma as a child and didn't have the support systems that I needed. And so, of course, as a little girl, I would protect myself with the belief that I gotta do it. I gotta, I gotta control everything to feel safe. So did you notice how you said the word protect? So the beliefs that we have that are creating the world that we don't want to have are actually protection mechanisms.

• 42:50Rayna Greenberg?

  So you become like really good at this thing that you feel like there's a deficit all around you?

• 42:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, the protection mechanisms can show up in all kinds of ways, right? So it could be a belief, right? Like if I don't do it, nobody else will. So I gotta control everything and do it. Or it could be a perfectionism, like if I'm not perfect, I'm not good enough. Or it could be, I'm not good enough. It could just be, I'm not good enough and I'm going to play small. That's a protection mechanism.

• 43:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Interesting.

• 43:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, or I'm gonna, you know, drink over my problems or I'm gonna judge over my problems or everybody else is out to get me. All these stories.

• 43:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 43:21Speaker 00

  That we've been repurposing and replaying. They're very young, they've been around forever, and they're protecting us. And what are they protecting us from? They're protecting us from very impermissible feelings from childhood. So moments in time where we felt unlovable, or inadequate, or not good enough, or we felt like we weren't getting the care that we needed. Right away, what did we do? We started to protect ourselves.

• 43:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sure.

• 43:48Speaker 00

  Because we didn't want to feel those feelings. We didn't know how to process them.

• 43:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is some of that good? Because it's self-preservation and it's learning strength from the bad things that happen around you.

• 43:58Speaker 00

  These parts of us have a lot of value, right? So like, let's take, and I've been talking about them as parts of ourselves because it's kind of leaning into self-help, my new book. They're aspects of ourselves, right? They're like little person, little inner children, right? And my controller part, right? Created a lot of chaos in my life, you know, led me to addiction, created, you know, created chaos in my relationships at work, and was just sort of unable to be present. But guess what? She also wrote 10 spiritual self-help books in 14 years. And she's served a lot of souls. And so there's, there's duality there, right? There's, there's good aspects of these parts of ourselves, but then the goal isn't to make them stop.

• 44:41Speaker 00

  The goal is to, to help soothe ourselves, soothe these parts of ourselves, so that we can be less extreme. So that controller part now is still around. She's a kick-ass businesswoman. She's running a team. She's very clear with her managers and agents about what she wants and needs. You know what I'm saying? She's on a mission. She's not like freaking out every day, right? So it's, it's healing these aspects so that they can be in their most developed role.

• 45:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, you said this was recent. So here you are, you know, I've been doing this for 20 years, 10 books. And you were still having this mindset. Like, was there a catalyst? Or was it just like, you just feel like something finally clicked?

• 45:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think that I've been doing personal development work hardcore for 20 years. And spiritual work. And then, of course, even prior to that, I had my own spiritual practices. I think that there does come a point where you have been on your journey, whether it be therapeutic, self-help, spiritual, all of the above, where there's a tipping point. You wake up new.

• 45:45Speaker 00

  And I can only say that because I'm living it. I can only say that because I'm living it. And I think that's really important to say because I think a lot of people are walking around like, is this it? Like, there has to be a better way. Right? Or like, things look good on the outside, but it's not so good on the insider. Why do I keep attracting that shit that I don't want?

• 46:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 46:03Speaker 00

  And is it ever going to change? We feel so hopeless in that. And so I want to be a beacon of hope. I want to be a hope merchant for everybody and just say that you do the inner work. The inner work heals you. You can wake up new.

• 46:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, you open this book, Self Help, in the first chapter, talking about, and I want to get into it, but teaching this, it's called the Internal Family Systems Therapy. And it's someone else's coursework, essentially. And you talk about how, like, who am I to write this book? And who am I to talk about this? And then you do this exercise in the book where you say to yourself, I want to tell myself the things that are true, which is that I've done this work for 20 years. I've written nine other books. And you sort of make a list of like, you challenge those beliefs of like, who am I? And it's interesting that somebody like you can even have imposter syndrome. But you open the book with the imposter syndrome, essentially. And like, who am I to do this? And I found it to be a good exercise because like, when you say to yourself, I'm not good enough, or I can't do this, it's nice to pause and tell yourself the things that are true.

• 46:56Speaker 00

  Yeah. And even before that, what was so ingrained in me is the four steps in the book, which is when you notice yourself in imposter syndrome, or a fear-based lack mentality, or the, you know, the story, I'm not good enough, or everybody else has it, I don't have it, whatever your story is. Instead of judging yourself, or picking up a drink, or going and overing, right? Like, eating it over it, or drinking over it, or dating over it, or whatever. You check in with it. Like, what if you just checked in with that belief? And then what if you became a little curious about that belief? And you're like, oh, like, where do I feel that? And like, let me give it some breath. Are there any thoughts that want to come forward? And just give it a little bit of connection. And then what if you asked that part of yourself, like, what do you need right now? Like, when was the last time you asked yourself, what do I need? I don't know.

• 47:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think I do that. I think I know when I'm starting to spiral.

• 47:46Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 47:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know?

• 47:47Speaker 00

  So instead of spiraling, what if you had a four step inquiry that you could do?

• 47:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I mean, we all have different things that are, they run the gamut, but it might be that I just need to go do something like go do yoga, go work out, you know, go play with my dog. I mean, just kind of stop those from going any further.

• 48:04Speaker 00

  Yes, there's great practice in interrupting the pattern, but the greatest is to rewire your brain simultaneously. So the, the steps that are in this book are, are like you said, based on a therapy called Internal Family Systems Therapy, but I've made it a self-help practice and I'm trained in IFS. I'm, I'm, I'm level two trained in this, in this therapy, though I'm not a therapist. I have the certified training and I've gone on to make it self-help. And so the thesis is that when we actually do turn inward and we do just sort of become curious about these parts of ourselves and we give it a little bit of breath, what happens is that we start to feel a calmness come over us. And we might feel some compassion towards ourselves and maybe we feel a little bit of, like a little bit more connection or clarity.

• 48:47Speaker 00

  Like we're like, oh, okay. Like that's not who I am. It's just a part of who I am. And it's just kind of showing up right now. Or we feel like a little bit of creative energy kind of change and we start to feel different. That those C qualities of clarity and compassion and calm, that's actually what in IFS is called self-energy. That's like your spiritual presence. It's like your inner parent, your internal guide. We all have it. So when you, when you check in like that, that self-energy emerges and that new energy self can help.

• 49:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  And is there a part of it that's telling yourself like, that's not true?

• 49:22Speaker 00

  What will emerge is not so much about like talking back to these parts of yourselves. It's about caring for them. Do you guys have children?

• 49:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 49:32Speaker 00

  Okay. Do you have kids in your life?

• 49:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 49:35Speaker 00

  Okay. That you like nieces, nephews, that kind of thing. Okay. If those little kiddos came over to you and they were like, I'm so upset, like, I'm not good enough, I suck, like, I can't do my, blah, blah, blah. What would you say to them?

• 49:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's not true.

• 49:48Speaker 00

  What else might you do?

• 49:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Compliment them, like, the, like, positive affirmations, unlike your, what, it's like, you were smart, you were, like, from help.

• 49:56Speaker 00

  Might you be like, why would you say something? Why would you say, like, asking them?

• 49:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  I guess I'm a little more action-based. I could see myself saying, well, like, I don't, I don't think that's true about you. But if that's a thing that you feel, let's unpack it, let's, let's figure out a course of action.

• 50:09Speaker 00

  Connect with them.

• 50:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 50:10Speaker 00

  Connect with them.

• 50:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 50:11Speaker 00

  You'd be compassionate towards them.

• 50:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of course, yeah. Yeah, I guess my instinct is to counteract the negative with the positive.

• 50:18Speaker 00

  You want to help, right? Okay, so when these little parts of yourself inside get activated, like, you're feeling like not good enough or inadequate, what do you do? How do you speak to those parts of yourself?

• 50:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Again, I think I kind of have to focus on the good. Like, I think I need to tell myself, that's not true. I think we all have our own self-talk in, like, why do we get here? Like, what made me get to this thought? Like, what number of small things led to this?

• 50:46Speaker 00

  Is that working for you?

• 50:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I'm a pretty happy person. I don't, I don't know, like, I'm not trying to brag, I just, I feel, at this point in my life, I feel really stable and happy.

• 50:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Not necessarily the grand scheme of the world, but in my, like, personal life, like, I feel pretty good.

• 51:04Speaker 00

  If we dug a little deeper, and this isn't just you, it's just people in general, the human condition. When we fall back into these patterns and behaviors that are just sort of, like, funky, we often are going to judge ourselves, or often be like, oh, why'd you do that again? Or, you know, how, how did we end up here again? Or do something to avoid having to feel that feeling, even overriding it with, like, well, that's not true, that's not true. Right? It's not really connecting to it, it's being like, nope, whitewashing it, right? Like, oh, that's not true, that's, you're fine, you're fine. Right? Like, what a parent might do, it's like, you're upset, and your parent might be like, you're fine, you're fine. No, that's like saying, go fuck yourself, right? So, there's a deeper healing and inquiry that we really all want and need, and it's about becoming our own inner parent.

• 51:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  I guess for me, I find a lot of comfort in just, like, action plan. Like, okay, if you tell yourself

• 51:50Rayna Greenberg?

  You're the only single girl in the group, which I am a lot of the time. All right, well, if I don't like this about myself, what's the action plan to fix it? Like, I try to not marinate too long. I'm like, well, no one loves me. No one's ever gonna love me. You know, maybe you can challenge that belief for a minute.

• 52:03Speaker 00

  I would challenge the action plan.

• 52:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Challenge the action plan?

• 52:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:06Rayna Greenberg?

  How so?

• 52:07Speaker 00

  Do you want that support right now? Do you want me to suggest that?

• 52:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I want to talk about dating. I think that'd be great.

• 52:11Speaker 00

  Let's go there.

• 52:12Rayna Greenberg?

  So let's talk about, like, if somebody says, like, no one's ever gonna want me, everybody around me has all these relationships. I challenge you to look at the relationships around you. Do you like, do you want to be in those? No. But yeah, let's talk about that belief.

• 52:21Speaker 00

  The action plan is excellent. I love the action plan. I think that it's much more high vibe than woe is me and blah, blah, blah. I think it's absolutely excellent. Like, I don't want you to stop the action plan.

• 52:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 52:31Speaker 00

  But I might suggest that the action plan might be a protection mechanism.

• 52:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 52:35Speaker 00

  Can you get behind that?

• 52:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Sure.

• 52:37Speaker 00

  Right? Like, I don't want to feel that feeling, like, oh, so and so is now engaged, or so and so has now got a new boyfriend or whatever. Fuck, okay, now I gotta go pick up the app and do the thing and da, da, da, da. It's, it's a way of overing. Just let me ask you.

• 52:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 52:51Speaker 00

  Does it feel like it could be a little bit protective?

• 52:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, let me ask you.

• 52:55Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 52:55Rayna Greenberg?

  The counter to that is that I would, like, lay in bed and feel bad for myself.

• 52:59Speaker 00

  That's not what I want either.

• 53:00Rayna Greenberg?

  And scroll Instagram and be like, everybody has this thing I want.

• 53:03Speaker 00

  That's why I like the action plan. I feel like the action plan is a positive, self-like quality.

• 53:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 53:11Speaker 00

  So it's like, obviously, you have a lot of motivation, you're, you're, you lean positive, you're a high-vibe woman. So that's excellent, and I'm very proud of that action plan. But what I would actually put in place before the action plan.

• 53:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 53:24Speaker 00

  There's a step before the action plan.

• 53:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, give me it.

• 53:26Speaker 00

  And this is gonna change your life, and that's why the subtitle is, this is your chance to change your life.

• 53:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 53:30Speaker 00

  Is to not override the feeling. Because that feeling of not having it, right? Or the belief or the story of they have it, I don't have it. I don't want you to override it. I want you to befriend it.

• 53:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 53:43Speaker 00

  And so, four steps. Instead of going right into action, which sounds like it's your default, just take one minute. And you can use the book, or I can give you my app, and you can go through, I can take you through it audibly. It's like, you can meditate with me. And you do the first step, which is choose to check in with that feeling, instead of just checking out with the action plan.

• 54:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 54:03Speaker 00

  Okay? So just you're taking one minute, and you're like, okay, I'm gonna choose to check in instead of check out. Step two is just be curious. Where do I feel that in my body? And maybe you get a little teary. Maybe you feel like a little bit of like the gut punch or the feeling in your chest. We all have different somatic experiences. And you're curious about it. And then you'd be like, you know, what are the thoughts or feelings or sensations connected to it? And let it talk to you. Like, just give that feeling some permission to be present with you and to soften and to just be there. And when you feel you have a little connection to it, the next question would be, third step, compassionate connection. What do you need? Just ask that part of yourself, what do you need?

• 54:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 54:47Speaker 00

  Don't question what you hear. You might hear, I need to rest. I need to go for a walk. I need to call a friend and cry. I need to journal. I need to let it out, right? Maybe it might say, I need to just be with this feeling right now.

• 55:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh huh.

• 55:02Speaker 00

  Okay. The third step is to breathe into that. And then notice the C qualities, the four step. Notice, notice if you feel more clarity, if you feel a little bit more calm, if you feel a little bit more connected to the feeling than that belief, if you have a little courage, if you have a little bit of creative energy, if you have a little bit of compassion towards yourself. And these C qualities are self. That's yourself, okay? Then, once you have that calmness or like a touch more compassion towards yourself or a little bit of clarity, then you can go on the app. Then you can, you know, text that guy that you like.

• 55:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Got it.

• 55:41Speaker 00

  That energy is a super attractor energy, not the, I feel this shitty feeling. I'm going to go do something over it. That's not a manifesting energy.

• 55:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 55:51Speaker 00

  That's a fixing energy.

• 55:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 55:53Speaker 00

  What I want to do is go back, go in and do that four steps. If you do this for 40 days, I fucking guarantee you you're going to have a whole different dating experience.

• 56:02Rayna Greenberg?

  So I have been checking in with that feeling. I guess maybe like, I don't identify it as that, but like,

• 56:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  You do do it.

• 56:07Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel like dating has been really fun for me.

• 56:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  You keep self reflect.

• 56:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I'm not like, I feel bad, let's fix it.

• 56:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Let's go on the app. That's not her at all. We've been trying to get her on the apps for years.

• 56:17Speaker 00

  But there is an action step.

• 56:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, but I feel like I check over myself. I'm really lucky.

• 56:21Speaker 00

  By the way, I have somebody to set you up with.

• 56:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 56:23Speaker 00

  Like a great guy in L.A. Like my best friend from growing up.

• 56:27Rayna Greenberg?

  What?

• 56:27Speaker 00

  My best friend from growing up.

• 56:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Love it. I'm really touched that you want to set me up with a friend of yours.

• 56:31Speaker 00

  Oh, fuck yeah. He's the best.

• 56:33Rayna Greenberg?

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• 58:08Ashley Hesseltine?

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• 58:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I mean, depending on your level of hair thinning, just really devastating. And it can affect your self-confidence and how you feel about yourself. So I just am so glad Nutraful has been there for me and for so many women. Nutraful is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand, trusted by over one and a half million people. That's why this Mother's Day, Nutraful makes the perfect gift. There is something for every mom on your list. The postpartum formula is great for women in the first year after giving birth. A lot of women get really thick, full hair during the pregnancy and they lose it. I mean, it's heartbreaking.

• 59:22Rayna Greenberg?

  I see it with everybody around us.

• 59:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, on top of like everything you're also dealing with as a new mom. The Women's Balance formula is perfect for women 45 and up experiencing perimenopause or menopause. And of course, the Women's formula are great for those who are in between life stages. So again, they have all these different formulas, Women, Women's Vegan, Women's Balance, and then postpartum for whatever you're going through. With Nutraful, you will see thicker, stronger, faster growing hair and less shedding in just three to six months. So again, this is something that I've really turned to. And I know so many women that have, especially after giving birth and you know, going into menopause. So this Mother's Day, consider Nutraful the best-selling hair growth supplement, whether you're gifting to yourself or a loved one. Nutraful is offering our listeners $10 off any order. Enjoy free shipping when you subscribe.

• 1:00:06Ashley Hesseltine?

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• 1:00:18Rayna Greenberg?

  And this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. So let's talk about the cost of therapy. Traditional in-person therapy can cost anywhere from a hundred to $250 per person. Obviously, that adds up fast. That makes it not accessible for a lot of people. But with BetterHelp online therapy, you can save an average up to 50% per session. So I love that they're making it affordable and accessible. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, so you can save big on cost and time. And like I said, it should feel accessible to go to therapy and not just a luxury. So they're working to make it accessible, and your mental health is worth it. And now it's within reach. Obviously, Ashley and I really believe in therapy. It can help you with so many things, whether it's just goal setting or working on boundaries, coping mechanisms. Maybe there's a relationship in your life you want to work on.

• 1:01:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe you don't have a relationship in your life and you'd like to have one romantically, of course. So it can empower you to just be a better version of yourself, the best version of yourself. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient, too. You can join a session with the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life, plus switch therapists at any time. Your well-being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com/gge today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash G-G-E.

• 1:01:32Speaker 00

  Okay, let's get back into it.

• 1:01:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm really lucky. I said to a girlfriend, I was taking a walk with her today. I said, I had a pretty hard couple of months, and it really actually allowed me to be like, I have really great women in my life that I can like stop and talk to them. And I know that's what friends are for, but like, I've really done that. I'm really proud of that. I did marinate in the like, I feel sad that I'm single. There was somebody I was, I had very deep feelings for. It didn't work out. And that was very hard for me. And now that I've marinated on, it's allowed dating to be really fun. I've approached it with like a really, dating should be fun. And we always say, if it's not fun, don't, don't get on those apps. Stay as far away from those apps as possible.

• 1:02:05Speaker 00

  But what I want you to do to just add to this, right? Because you, it sounds like you guys are both really self-aware women, so you're already doing this, right? But what I'm suggesting for the listener that's single or whatever the thing is, if they want the relationship or they want to get the thing, to just do the one minute of checking in before you do the action.

• 1:02:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 1:02:21Speaker 00

  Because you want to take action, spiritually aligned action. You want to take action when you're in faith. You want to take action when you're feeling calm. You want to take action when you're feeling connected. You want to take action when you're vibrating a good frequency. You don't want to take action from a thirsty place or a fixing place or a, or a, or a non-trusting place. Does that make sense? Yeah. So it's just like a little bit of a pattern interrupt inside before you make an outside action.

• 1:02:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  I like that a lot. Yeah, and I think, you know, to go back to like the, that's not true. When you framed it as like saying that to a child, it like hits different. That's like, is it go fuck yourself?

• 1:02:57Speaker 00

  The thing is, is your inner child does believe it's true.

• 1:03:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  But then there are things I do believe that it's like, if you're thinking of, these things aren't going right in my social circle, or you get like, everybody, nobody likes me kind of thing, you know, like, I think that these little things, like, this person didn't text me back, like, these people are hanging out without me, like, all those things, can sometimes be a series of coincidences and you start to spiral out of control, you know? Like, at what point do you have to reflect, and at what point do you have to be like, you're overreacting?

• 1:03:27Speaker 00

  I had this the other day, and I think the more you practice these principles, the more you know

• 1:03:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:33Speaker 00

  that this isn't me, it's a part of me. It's a young part of me that's, that's activated.

• 1:03:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, like, it's from, that's from childhood, like, those feelings of like, everyone's

• 1:03:45Speaker 00

  Whatever it is, everybody's, we all have different

• 1:03:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Nobody likes me, kind of stuff.

• 1:03:48Speaker 00

  It depends on what our thing is, right? That might not be your wound, right? But we all have these core wounds, and when they get triggered, which they get triggered all damn day, right?

• 1:03:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 1:03:58Speaker 00

  All damn day, from people, from, but whatever, from like, not getting the thing we wanted, from seeing the friend with the boyfriend and we don't have it, whatever it might be, we're getting triggered, triggered, triggered, and then we're going into these protection mechanisms. So we're living from like, triggered to protector, triggered to protector, and that's not a vibration of manifesting.

• 1:04:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:04:14Speaker 00

  That's an energy of kind of being in this loop of self-preservation, and this loop of defensiveness, and this loop of, of fixing, and this loop of just trying to survive, and it's exhausting.

• 1:04:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:28Speaker 00

  And so, if you just put one minute of inquiry in place of that sort of reactive activity, then you might start to see your energy in your system settle a little bit. And then you might start to feel a little bit more Connected inside and then every step you take starts to feel a little bit more aligned. So for instance, the other last week, I had a weird one happen where I was supposed to have a friend on my podcast and then I had to cancel because there was like some issues with the with the studio. And then her book came out the next day and she was like all over like on Oprah and this and that. And she's like blowing up and I was like, fuck, like I should have had her on the podcast. It was like very ego, you know what I mean?

• 1:05:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:10Speaker 00

  Not like, like, oh, I want to have her. Like, of course I wanted to have her on my podcast to support her, but the ego was like, oh, you missed that or whatever. Right?

• 1:05:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:19Speaker 00

  And I was like, in this belief that I hadn't been in for so many years, like it felt like, like this weird thing. And I was like, really bent out of shape about it, but I had the awareness of this is a part of me. So I checked in with it, just like we've been doing. And I was like, okay, where do I feel that in my body? And I chose to check in and noticed where it was in my body. I started to feel it. I asked the questions, how long have you been around? And then I saw this image of myself, 16 years old at the diner, like on a Friday night. It was what you did when you were 16. And the three girls that I was best friends with decided that they didn't want to be my friends anymore. And they were like cursing me out in the, in the parking lot. And I was like, I have no more friends. I was like, the day I had no more friends.

• 1:05:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:57Speaker 00

  And it was like this like reenaction of everybody else's friends, but I'm not friends. And it was just, it was like, this is completely different, of course, because it wasn't like somebody denied me. I canceled the podcast, but it was that feeling that was activated. And so then I tended to that feeling and I asked, what do I need? And I heard like, I just need to like be with the feeling right now, you know? And I worked it out myself, like I became my own inner therapist. Does that make sense?

• 1:06:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, and I'm glad you shared that story because if I think about mine, like I do stand up comedy. It could be very grueling and it can be a lot of like trying to be accepted here or get on these shows or dealing with like bookers and different shows and a lot of like asking and people don't get back to you and whatever. I'm doing fine. I'm the Carol Wee doing comedy. But when it can start to feel like a lot of things at once, which a lot of times are just that people are busy. You know, it's not personal, but it can start to be like, I suck and everybody's talking about my back and. Why my, you know, nobody likes me kind of, kind of thing. And those are some of those poignant memories of my childhood is those feelings of like your friends hanging out without you. And we had it so easy because we didn't have social media. I actually can't imagine how it would have been.

• 1:07:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  But, you know, like, I wasn't bullied per se, but those feelings of like two friends are without you and you hear about it, they call you or, you know, those moments like we've all had, like, sit with us forever. And that all gets traced back to, I think, just being a girl, growing up in the world, wanting to be liked and, you know, wanting to be friends.

• 1:07:24Speaker 00

  So you see it happening now.

• 1:07:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's the same feeling. Yeah.

• 1:07:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's right. That's right.

• 1:07:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:29Speaker 00

  So what I'm trying to tell you guys is if you spent a minute a day with that feeling, you could become the inner parent that you didn't have at that moment. You could be your own inner guide self. You could start to soften the feeling. It'd become less reactive inside of you. And then the next time you don't get the gig or they don't call back, it feels a little bit less like stingy. And the next time it feels like a little bit less stingy, a little bit less stingy. And then guess what? It's not even on your mind. So you have a little bit more energy because you're not worrying about the, the gig that you didn't get and you're feeling a little bit more energy. And then in that more energy, you go on TikTok and you're like, let me just do this funny thing because I'm in a creative energy, which is self. And you do this little funny thing and then that video goes viral. And then, oh my God, you manifested the next gig. Do you follow me? You get it?

• 1:08:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, because like most days I'm in that high vibe. I'm like, things are great, you know, like we're, our businesses are great, like my relationships, you know, things are going well. So.

• 1:08:25Speaker 00

  I see what, what happens, and I want to talk about this. I'm a fixer. Like this is just where I go. It's, I literally was with Jonathan Van Ness like an hour ago, like doing the same thing. Like, okay.

• 1:08:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Should have brought him with you.

• 1:08:34Speaker 00

  So if you want it, I'll tell you this, okay? The two of you are already super high vibe, right? You're, you lean in the positive. You're doing everything right. So this is just shining the crystal a little bit, right? Like you're fucking kicking ass. Like, sorry, I'm christening so much on this show, but I'm into, I'm kind of into.

• 1:08:49Rayna Greenberg?

  We own a sex toy company and all the guys.

• 1:08:51Speaker 00

  Do you guys own a sex toy company?

• 1:08:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I literally, we're gonna mail you some fun stuff.

• 1:08:55Speaker 00

  My husband's the CEO of our company. She's like, Rose, it's like her.

• 1:08:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  We have a cock ring for you guys.

• 1:09:01Speaker 00

  Sorry, Ria. Okay.

• 1:09:03Rayna Greenberg?

  No, but it's called vibes only, so it kind of even goes with.

• 1:09:05Speaker 00

  I love it. Oh, my God. I gotta get into this.

• 1:09:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, we'll get your address.

• 1:09:08Speaker 00

  So great, you guys.

• 1:09:09Rayna Greenberg?

  But you curse all you want. Talk about anything.

• 1:09:11Speaker 00

  Okay, vibes only. So it's easy to think this isn't about, this isn't towards you. This is just for your listeners. There's a lot of spiritual bypassing happening out there where people are like, I have this bad feeling. I'm going to tell myself it's the opposite. Or I'm just going to affirm that I'm perfect and perfect and perfect. I'm just going to be like, I'm abundant, I'm abundant. But if you don't believe it, it's not working.

• 1:09:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, if you just stamp it out.

• 1:09:33Speaker 00

  Or maybe it works a little bit and you start to attract a little bit more into your life and then you get that thing you want. But guess what? You can't keep it. You with me?

• 1:09:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Can I ask you a question? So we talked about like career a little bit and being single and this belief that like you're going to be single forever and everything's terrible out there. But people in relationships, women that speak to you and your business, is there something you hear a lot from women these and beliefs that you want to challenge them? People in relationships and is it like, is this just, is this it? Is this relationship it? Like, do you have something that you hear time and time again from people in relationships?

• 1:10:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think that people in relationships, I've heard a lot of sort of struggles with people getting activated by their partner.

• 1:10:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:10:14Speaker 00

  So the partners that we choose are often the greatest learning device. They're the greatest teachers because they trigger all of our parts. They trigger our young stuff. So you can either continue to grow and learn together or you can do your work and they don't do their work and you rise up and they, you know, fall off. Or the opposite, right? But it's the, the couples that actually are in the work together in whatever form that comes, right? So whether it's couples, therapy or any form of personal development, if you're both on your own journeys. So as long as you're healing and growing, there's, there's hope.

• 1:10:47Rayna Greenberg?

  So you see a lot of like just contempt, sort of.

• 1:10:50Speaker 00

  Contempt, definitely. Like lots of middle aged women in my world now, I think your audiences grow up with you, even though it's like less age specific and gender specific now. But I'm seeing a lot of, a lot of sort of like complacency or contempt or, or blaming and shaming of the partner. Because what are they triggering the parts of yourself you don't want to feel?

• 1:11:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, long-term relationships are tough.

• 1:11:11Speaker 00

  Totally.

• 1:11:11Rayna Greenberg?

  You add kids into the mix?

• 1:11:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, so it's like. I have a kid. Yeah, I have, I have a six-year-old boy.

• 1:11:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:11:16Speaker 00

  It's a lot of work.

• 1:11:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  For sure.

• 1:11:18Speaker 00

  It's a lot of work.

• 1:11:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  So what do you say to somebody that's just like, we are just at a place of contempt? I don't know.

• 1:11:24Speaker 00

  If you can afford it, get a couples therapist.

• 1:11:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:11:27Speaker 00

  And if you can find it, get an IFS couples therapist.

• 1:11:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:11:30Speaker 00

  And if you can't? If you can't afford it, go pick up self-help and do it together.

• 1:11:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, do it together. I like the idea of getting a book and doing it together.

• 1:11:37Speaker 00

  Well, because that's about a world renowned therapy that heals relationships, that heals a relationship to yourself. And the reason I decided to write my 10th book about this and democratize it is because not everybody can afford the therapy.

• 1:11:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:11:49Speaker 00

  Or they may not want to go to the therapy. So it's right there.

• 1:11:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:53Speaker 00

  I wrote it for them.

• 1:11:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:54Speaker 00

  Go get it.

• 1:11:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  So I wanted to circle back. I'm just curious of your, if I don't do it myself, it's not going to get done. And this, how has your life changed with, is this in your personal relationship with your husband, with people you work for, work with?

• 1:12:09Speaker 00

  All of the above.

• 1:12:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, are you have just relinquished control in some areas? Like, how has it looked?

• 1:12:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, I still have control, not in a, not in an asshole way.

• 1:12:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, yeah, of course.

• 1:12:20Speaker 00

  It's like, I can run the show, but not as, as a chaotic person. We can ask Ria, she's in the room, just kidding. One of my employees is here right now. But, but actually, you know, I will ask Ria, and you can just scream to us, but like, in the last like, three months, do you feel like we're more structured, we're? A hundred percent. Yeah, a hundred percent, right? She's saying a hundred percent, yeah.

• 1:12:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  So what did you do to change that?

• 1:12:44Speaker 00

  A lot of the work that's in that book. A lot of trauma recovery, a lot of IFS therapy, a lot of spiritual healing. It's, you know, like 20 years of hard work for overnight success, right? So it's not like I think that, okay, things are going to change. But what I'm here to say today is that things do change when you change.

• 1:13:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sure. So did you like, notice the way you were scheduling things, or the tone of your voice?

• 1:13:08Speaker 00

  I felt safer inside and I felt more trust inside.

• 1:13:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Trusting, like other people to get you done?

• 1:13:16Speaker 00

  It's trusting myself more.

• 1:13:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  You trust yourself.

• 1:13:18Speaker 00

  And also what I did realize was I was the one I was waiting for. So I kept being like, oh, like, my husband who's the CEO is going to just like, take over and fix everything, or my chief. If staff is going to fix everything, or there's a partner out there that's going to fix that, you know, then did it. And it's like, no, like, like you've been doing everybody else's job, but the actual job that you're meant to be doing, like the real job, which is like being that, that like guided leader and like telling people what you want clearly and like being clear, right, self, having the courage to ask people to to step up and do what you want, right? Having the courage to to change people's roles and move things around. All of that couldn't come until I trusted myself. And so in that trusting place,

• 1:14:00Speaker 00

  I've stepped up to be not doing everybody's job, but to be clearly defining what I want other people to do.

• 1:14:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Was it showing up in your family, like with your husband?

• 1:14:10Speaker 00

  Absolutely. Same thing. I want to make sure that we have these boundaries of how we parent together. And I want to make sure that my needs are being met. And another reason this happened so rapidly was going through perimenopause. When you go through perimenopause, you have no more shits to give.

• 1:14:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:14:25Speaker 00

  You literally are like, I cannot coexist with the old patterns that I lived with for so long. Like, you just don't. You don't have the bandwidth to do that bullshit anymore. I didn't have the bandwidth to do everybody else's job anymore. Something had to give.

• 1:14:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think a lot of people have stories like that where you just stop giving a fuck. I don't know, because it's exhausting. It's not helpful. And people do, obviously, that can come with age, but there's various reasons why it's just like, I just don't, I don't fuck with that anymore. I don't think like that anymore. You know, I don't let that get me down anymore.

• 1:14:57Speaker 00

  There's a lot of women out there that are having a beautiful perimenopause conversation. Naomi Watts, Thames and Fidel, and you've got Mary Claire Haver and these amazing actresses out there talking about menopause. And I think the theme across the board, even Oprah, a lot of them are just really clear, like, you just don't have any more shits to give. Like, you just, you can't do it the old way anymore. It just doesn't work.

• 1:15:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  So you got to ask for help.

• 1:15:18Speaker 00

  You got to get the help, and you had to ask for the help, and you also had to give yourself the help.

• 1:15:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Self-help?

• 1:15:25Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 1:15:25Rayna Greenberg?

  So we want to talk about the evolution of this world of self-help and spirituality, I guess. I mean, you've been doing this for so long and before, obviously TikTok, you know, even really before the way that Instagram is now, of course. And like, what have you seen? I mean, do you have thoughts? I'm sure you have a lot of thoughts.

• 1:15:46Speaker 00

  Well, I think that some of what I've seen is not such a change in the spiritual conversation. I don't really think a lot of people are out there doing spiritual, too much spiritual work. Like, maybe I'm wrong, maybe unless you guys see things differently, but I think a lot of people are like talking about manifesting or like doing a podcast and interviewing people. I'm not sure there's like a lot of spiritual teachers out there per se.

• 1:16:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:16:09Speaker 00

  Do you think there are?

• 1:16:10Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I think there's a lot of microphones out there. I mean, I guess it depends on how you define teacher. And we talked about like TikTok therapists and people that are quote unquote self-help and who you take advice from, because there's just so much noise out there today. And there's so many people telling you, this is the perfect morning routine, which we were just talking about earlier on our show. And this is how you achieve your goals. This is how you manifest. I mean, there's just a lot of microphones out there. So it's like, have we gone too far? Is there too much of this?

• 1:16:38Speaker 00

  Probably. I mean, here's the thing. If wellness and self-help and spiritual principles are trendy, great. Like, I'd much rather that be the trend than like all the other crap out there, right? Like, great. Like, if you've got somebody on TikTok telling you to repeat a positive affirmation a thousand times to manifest your dreams and that helps you, wonderful. Like, wherever you enter is, doesn't matter. And I'm not going to judge that, right? Enter where you resonate, enter where you can enter. But I just definitely think you should be conscious and careful of who you're taking advice from. It doesn't mean that somebody has to have credentials. It just means that, that you trust that that person's doing their own work on themselves. Because to your point, there's a lot of talking heads and people talking about shit that off-camera, they would not be even doing for themselves.

• 1:17:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, we hear some, and we're like, we know when this mic goes off. You're a bad person.

• 1:17:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. But like, then I challenge myself to- That's been around since the beginning of time. Yes. I challenge myself to say like, if, if anything that someone says allows a different person to like, make their life better, create a positive practice in their life, heal something, then like, what's the harm, I guess?

• 1:17:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, if you hear something that heals you, it doesn't matter who you heard it from.

• 1:17:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 1:17:45Speaker 00

  It's just, there have been plenty of instances where there's like fake gurus. And that would be a big thing to watch out for. Big thing, that guru culture, anyone that calls themselves a guru, run the other way.

• 1:17:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:18:00Speaker 00

  Run the other way.

• 1:18:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Good to know. Okay. Do you feel like after all this time, you're still learning?

• 1:18:05Speaker 00

  Always.

• 1:18:06Rayna Greenberg?

  New stuff?

• 1:18:06Speaker 00

  Every day.

• 1:18:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, from who?

• 1:18:08Speaker 00

  From myself.

• 1:18:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Your own experience, yeah.

• 1:18:11Speaker 00

  The inner, the inner work I'm doing from Dick Schwartz, who's the founder of IFS, doing more IFS work. From my therapist, from my, I'm reading a beautiful book about exphematic experiencing right now. I'm interviewing Peter Levine, who's like the godfather of trauma therapy.

• 1:18:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:18:26Speaker 00

  So just, just, just going to my teachers and just revisiting the tools and, but I think the greatest learning I have every day is my life experience.

• 1:18:36Rayna Greenberg?

  I like that you just say that it kind of never stops and this is a lifelong practice. Cause I think some people are just like, I want to fix this today.

• 1:18:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:44Rayna Greenberg?

  I want to fix this problem today. I want to fix this wound today. And it's just little baby steps every day.

• 1:18:50Speaker 00

  That's why I like that I have a four step prescription that you can do once for one minute or two minutes a day. And what I can say to your listeners, I can promise them this, I'll look you in the eye. If you make the commitment, and I'll look you guys too, to do one minute a day, these four steps, you will change your life, period.

• 1:19:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:19:11Speaker 00

  Like done, promise.

• 1:19:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:19:14Speaker 00

  I promise you.

• 1:19:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:15Speaker 00

  So if someone said to you, here's a pill that you can take that will change your life and help you manifest more, help you feel better inside and help you feel safe. You're fucking taking that pill, right? But if you're like, oh, you know what, there's a self-help book that says self-help in big red letters and it's four steps. You have to, like, maybe you'll do it for like six days, seven days. Do you know what I mean? Like this is a book for the willing. Like you gotta go all in, you gotta be committed. One minute a day is all you need though.

• 1:19:40Rayna Greenberg?

  That's the thing. It's, it's just a couple of minutes a day, you know?

• 1:19:43Speaker 00

  That's it.

• 1:19:43Rayna Greenberg?

  This isn't like getting into a cold plunge or, you know, go like do this thing for an hour.

• 1:19:48Speaker 00

  You're super committed to your Instagram feed, just do this.

• 1:19:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. So you talk about. Trusting the universe.

• 1:19:54Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:19:54Rayna Greenberg?

  What's meant for me.

• 1:19:55Speaker 00

  You literally just took the word out of my mouth. Okay, yeah.

• 1:19:58Rayna Greenberg?

  But like, I feel like I'm always like, but I challenge you. But like, to me, that's not, that's challenging the universe and do this thing every, do an actionable thing every day.

• 1:20:06Speaker 00

  What this is doing is putting you back into the energy of the universe. Because when you're in a calm energy, you're aligned with the universe. I'm also going to give you guys something. I have a 21 day challenge in my app. I'll give you the app. It's called the Trust the Universe Challenge. It's 21 days. And I, I made it for myself because I needed it right now. So in January, I was like, what are, what are we going to make in the app? I was like, I want to make a 21 day Trust the Universe Challenge.

• 1:20:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:20:30Speaker 00

  Because I was in this new shift, in this newness of myself, and I wanted a realignment. And my biggest book is called The Universe Has Your Back. And it, it just healed me to write it and it healed so many people to read it. And it's the 10th anniversary of the book and it's just coming out with a new cover and a new foreword and all this stuff. So I was like, let's just celebrate with these principles and a challenge. And so the nice thing about that is it's literally like a three minute practice a day to realign.

• 1:20:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:20:59Speaker 00

  And so whether it's that challenge or these steps.

• 1:21:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:21:02Speaker 00

  Something subtle, it's the subtle shifts, it's the small right actions.

• 1:21:07Rayna Greenberg?

  So like, if somebody's like, I don't know what that means, trust the universe. Like, what does that mean to you? I'm, you're the whole book about, people should buy the book. But like, it doesn't just mean like, well, just give it up to God and hopefully it works out, you know?

• 1:21:18Speaker 00

  It means that you develop a spiritual faith or spiritual connection of your own.

• 1:21:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm hmm, okay.

• 1:21:25Speaker 00

  It's not religious. It's not like I'm telling you what mine is and how yours has to be.

• 1:21:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:21:31Speaker 00

  It's about choosing to see your life through the lens of possibility. Choosing to lean towards what is working rather than what isn't. Choosing to see obstacles as opportunities. Choosing to learn how to calm your nervous system through tools like this or through meditation. And knowing that when you're in more of a joyful, calm vibration, that you are in alignment with what we call the universe.

• 1:22:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:22:01Speaker 00

  Because the universe is the energy of joy. The universe is the energy of abundance. The universe is the energy of synchronicity and support and fun and positivity. And we are always tapped into that, but we're not always tuning into it. So it's always available. It's always around, but we're not always tuning into that frequency. So it's like you've got your radio at a static frequency. You've got to tune up the radio, tune to the channel you want to be on.

• 1:22:31Rayna Greenberg?

  And just kind of like black and white feels you're aligned when you're feeling that like sense of calm. And you're out of alignment when you're just feeling kind of frantic, anxious.

• 1:22:43Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 1:22:43Rayna Greenberg?

  All the above.

• 1:22:44Speaker 00

  Exactly. If you're in joy, you're calm, you're in the flow. Like when you're doing your comedy and you're totally in the flow and you're not thinking about what the next thing is that you're going to say. And you're just sort of like in that joy and you've got the, all of your beats inside of you. And you know, you're just sort of like extemporaneous on the stage. That's the universe.

• 1:23:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. It's like a high.

• 1:23:01Speaker 00

  Creative.

• 1:23:02Rayna Greenberg?

  But a bad show, fuck you up.

• 1:23:04Speaker 00

  Bad show, out of alignment, right? But how do you get back into alignment? You go check in with the part of yourself that's like, I'm fucked up because of my bad show. Get calmer and then you come back out of it.

• 1:23:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 1:23:13Speaker 00

  By the way, how many times do you think I said fuck in this episode?

• 1:23:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Not as much as us. We'll do a counter.

• 1:23:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, definitely.

• 1:23:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. So how can we use this to like make dating more fun? To believe in yourself, to get out there with a positive energy. Because I think that we've all tried to date with a negative energy. And I think that you just, it becomes sort of a self fulfilling prophecy. No one's out there for me. Everyone's terrible. Men are terrible. So how can we use this to make dating fun?

• 1:23:39Speaker 00

  You just answered your question with your question, which is how can we do this with making dating more fun? Make dating more fun. What is it that you find joyful in your life? Like, what do you like to do? What's like a fun, creative thing for you?

• 1:23:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Me personally, I love discovering new restaurants. I like going out to eat a lot. I like reading, like taking walks. I like to go on the beach. Travel's really big for me. I like working. I like talking about what I do for work. A lot. I mean, we have a great business. I mean, all those things are really fun. I have a great social circle and my life's nice.

• 1:24:13Speaker 00

  Yeah. Okay, so do more of that.

• 1:24:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:24:15Speaker 00

  That's number one.

• 1:24:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:24:16Speaker 00

  So do more of what brings you joy.

• 1:24:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:24:18Speaker 00

  Because why? When she was just talking like that, didn't she just like look so cute and so like alive and just like free? And she's like, and confident, right? Like, I love my work. I'm really good at my work. That energy was sexy, honey.

• 1:24:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Thank you.

• 1:24:30Speaker 00

  That was sexy energy. That's the energy that I want you to bring when you go on the date with

• 1:24:38Speaker 00

  We should call him right now.

• 1:24:39Rayna Greenberg?

  But I do, I feel like I come alive when I talk about what I do for work.

• 1:24:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Over in your like a restaurant you really like, like that's the thing.

• 1:24:45Speaker 00

  That's right, but that vibe that you're in, that's what I want you to do when you get on a date with

• 1:24:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's why you don't want to go like on a hike with somebody because you're not going to be in your

• 1:24:56Speaker 00

  We're gonna leave a voicemail.

• 1:24:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Manifest it.

• 1:24:58Speaker 00

  Pick up the phone, bro. Pick up the phone.

• 1:25:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Your call has been forwarded to voicemail. The person you're trying to reach is not available.

• 1:25:04Speaker 00

  We're gonna leave a little message for him.

• 1:25:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may hang up.

• 1:25:09Speaker 00

  I am sitting here on a podcast with your future wife. And we're live. We're live recording this. You're gonna have to like play it back and listen to it. And she lives in LA. She's absolutely gorgeous. She has the most amazing career ever. She's got a sex toy company. And she's everything. Oh, wait, like not, oh my God, I was trying to set him up with somebody else at a sex toy company too.

• 1:25:32Speaker 00

  I'm not kidding you.

• 1:25:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, just figure out who sex toys are better. He's gonna fuck both of us.

• 1:25:36Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no, no. This is, this is your, this is the sex toy woman. Okay. And I'm literally live on the podcast right now. I hope you listen to this. I'll send you her number later. I know your game. And she lives on the west side in LA. Call us back if you get this, actually. We're, um, we're on, we're live on the show right now. Okay. I love you. Bye. Okay. There he is. Look how cute he is.

• 1:25:56Rayna Greenberg?

  How old is he?

• 1:25:57Speaker 00

  He's like 45.

• 1:25:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Perfect age. Love it.

• 1:26:00Speaker 00

  Never married.

• 1:26:00Rayna Greenberg?

  He's cute.

• 1:26:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is he from New York?

• 1:26:01Speaker 00

  From, grew up in Larchmont with me.

• 1:26:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm obsessed with East Coasters. I love them. Okay. I'm really excited. I'm gonna manifest.

• 1:26:07Speaker 00

  And he's a beautiful family. Like he's just the guy.

• 1:26:09Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I love this.

• 1:26:10Speaker 00

  He's gonna love you. He's gonna love.

• 1:26:12Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm excited. And I feel like I'm just, I'm really positive about dating. I've really been having a lot of fun.

• 1:26:16Speaker 00

  Wait, are you dying? If you get married, can I officiate the wedding? Not can I, I am officiating.

• 1:26:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're stepping down, Ashley?

• 1:26:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, right.

• 1:26:23Speaker 00

  You can, you can carve it.

• 1:26:25Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm gonna officiate her wedding, so I have to maybe reciprocate. You can be up there.

• 1:26:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  We can, you tag team it. It's okay. You know what?

• 1:26:31Speaker 00

  If it happens, you'll give it up.

• 1:26:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  You gave up quick, Ashley.

• 1:26:35Speaker 00

  Or we'll do it together.

• 1:26:36Rayna Greenberg?

  She doesn't believe she's good enough.

• 1:26:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I'll do something else. I'll do something else.

• 1:26:39Speaker 00

  Actually, actually, you can officiate. I'll just do a blessing.

• 1:26:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Ashley, actually, her dream is to be the DJ. Day of the wedding.

• 1:26:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Not the hype man.

• 1:26:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, well, I'll MC your wedding.

• 1:26:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:26:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Actually, I don't want to do that.

• 1:26:49Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't think you're gonna want to do that. I think you're gonna want to write the playlist and that's about it.

• 1:26:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:26:52Rayna Greenberg?

  I just want to party.

• 1:26:53Speaker 00

  I mean.

• 1:26:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, Rain has officiated mine.

• 1:26:55Speaker 00

  I feel full body chills.

• 1:26:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:26:58Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel excited and I feel like I'm like really positive. I'm attracting really good stuff. And I just, I feel really positive. A friend of mine last night was like, your energy is like really different recently. He's like, you feel lighter, you feel more fun, we're getting dick down more. So I just, I feel, feel positive about this.

• 1:27:12Speaker 00

  Yes, and that, that joy and that vibe, but I want you to keep coming back to like the energy that you were just in when you were talking about the job and your friends and your life and the restaurants and like that whole energy was just like just clear and beautiful and you were shiny. It didn't feel like you were like making anything up. You're just being like matter of fact. That's the vibe that you go on the app with. That's the vibe that you go on the date with. That's the energy that you bring to all of these different, any action you take for the dude is through that, through that energy.

• 1:27:44Rayna Greenberg?

  I like that tip too. I mean, also if you're feeling negative, you're like, I want a date, but you're feeling negative today. Do something you're good at. Do something you're proud of with people that you like.

• 1:27:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, I would say I met my fiance on like one of the most fun times of our met, connected with him. I'd met him years ago. It's a long story, but like the most fun month of our career was like the wildest tour month ever. I'd just gotten off the pill. I felt like a new person. Like I just, I look back and I'm like, that, I mean, I always think our life is getting better, but May 2023 was like on a different level. It was just like the most fun. So it's been, you know, we're coming up on two years, but like I look back at that time and I was like, we were never having more fun than that, than May 23.

• 1:28:23Rayna Greenberg?

  We were really on a high.

• 1:28:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're on such a high.

• 1:28:25Speaker 00

  That's the whole thing.

• 1:28:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:27Speaker 00

  That's the whole thing, you guys.

• 1:28:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, this is a great place to wrap up on the, on the phone call.

• 1:28:31Rayna Greenberg?

  On the positivity and all of it.

• 1:28:32Speaker 00

  I read your book on the plane yesterday.

• 1:28:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  I do actually want to ask, like, I, I'm curious about the title. Like, was this what you had planned or did it come to you or like?

• 1:28:41Speaker 00

  It came pretty quickly.

• 1:28:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's blunt.

• 1:28:43Speaker 00

  It's so blunt.

• 1:28:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:44Rayna Greenberg?

  But you were looking at me on the plane, like, is she, is she good?

• 1:28:46Speaker 00

  But that's the thing, you know, it's like, you have to ask yourself, like, I gotta do a poll real. Are you comfortable holding this book at a beach? Right at the beach or at the pool, at the.

• 1:28:56Rayna Greenberg?

  On the subway.

• 1:28:56Speaker 00

  Or on the subway or on the airplane or, or, you know, on the park bench? If the answer is yes, then go read the book. If the answer is not yes, then just take the cover off.

• 1:29:11Rayna Greenberg?

  I was letting the whole plane know yesterday that I need help.

• 1:29:14Speaker 00

  It's, it's, it's a good, why not?

• 1:29:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it's like, it's beautiful. Yeah. It doesn't look like some, like there's a, what movie am I thinking of? And they're like crying in the self-help aisle of the bookstore. Like those doesn't feel like that anymore.

• 1:29:25Speaker 00

  No, but this, no, it's not. Then that's back sort of like the new wave of self-help. And people are into it now. But I think that the thing about this book is that it was, so first of all, self again is the energy of that energy of self. So self-help. Yeah. So that's, that's, you know, this is all about connecting to self-energy to become your own inner healer. So that's the sort of play on words. But the reason that this book, this title and this cover was really meaningful to me is like, maybe it's not selling as many books as you could if you were like, the universe has your back, right? Like just the title on its own face, right? But it's a very important book for your own commitment to yourself. And so I think that it is a commitment to that one minute a day. It isn't like a magic pill.

• 1:30:06Speaker 00

  It is, you know, it, it, it, this is, this is a, this is like a book that's simple, but it's also giving you a tool. And not everybody wants to do a tool. So I'd rather like read out the reader and think, are you willing to change your life? Are you willing to show up? Are you willing to do the work?

• 1:30:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  I like that.

• 1:30:21Speaker 00

  And if you are, then this is your book. If you're not, then like, see you next year.

• 1:30:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:27Rayna Greenberg?

  It does really scream at you from the book aisle.

• 1:30:29Speaker 00

  Eventually you'll get there.

• 1:30:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:30Rayna Greenberg?

  You'll get there.

• 1:30:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I'm really gonna say like, we're gonna do some work today, you know? And if you're not ready to do that, maybe pick up a different book or take the cover off.

• 1:30:38Speaker 00

  Or just take the cover off.

• 1:30:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Read it home. Well, there's like a beautiful woman on the back, it's you, but. We don't all have to be on a plane or a beach. I read it home. Yeah.

• 1:30:47Speaker 00

  I read it or listen to me read it to you.

• 1:30:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love an audiobook. There is that. Yeah. Yeah. You have a great voice. Yes. I've always really admired your voice. You're in your power. It's not that we have so much sexy baby voice out there and just kind of, I feel like women, not all, not all women, but some trying to kind of. Change their voice. We did a whole episode on voices.

• 1:31:06Speaker 00

  I think that's such a nice thing to say because I do think that the voice and the tone of our voice and sort of how we the sexy baby voice and sort of this, there is a new, I can, I can fall into like Instagram girl voice easily, you know, like, hi guys, like that's vocal fry. It, it happens, but it's not grounded and it's not authoritative.

• 1:31:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:31:27Speaker 00

  And it's not, you know, you don't trust it.

• 1:31:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yep. Yep. So I've always thought that about you.

• 1:31:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, very measured and authoritative. Well, this was great. And I'm sure people are really going to want to find you and your app.

• 1:31:38Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, definitely check out the Trust the Universe Challenge. That's out right now. So if you go to deargabby.com/universe, definitely go try that out. At Gabby Bernstein on social and my podcast called Dear Gabby with Dear Media as well, like you guys. And, uh, you know, I think, I think that a really nice place to start is the Trust the Universe Challenge. Like just go dive in.

• 1:32:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Great.

• 1:32:02Speaker 00

  Self-helps, the book.

• 1:32:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yep. Yep. Get the book, you guys. And you can find us at girlsgottaeat.com. We are Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash Hess. Raina is Rayna Greenberg. Vibesonly.com for the vibrators we mentioned and subscribe on YouTube and share this episode with a friend and we will see you Thursday. Have a good week, guys. Bye.