Jocko Underground: Breaking Up With Your Significant Other out of Boredom | The Value of Instructors VS Training Partners

>Join Jocko Underground< https://www.jockounderground.com/subscribe Which is more important? Good Instructor? Or good training partners? Breaking up with your significant other out of boredom? How to get out of a massive rut involving meds. How to maybe get your girlfriend back after she broke up with you. Only child trying to get over insecurity as an adult. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jocko Willink?

  This is the Jocko Underground Podcast, number 151. Sitting here with Echo Charles. Have some interesting topics for today.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 0:08Jocko Willink?

  And I believe the first question has to do with the Jiu-Jitsu. Let's go.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  Okay, all right. First question, Dear Jocko Echo, I started listening to your podcasts a while ago, and my life has changed drastically. I have two Jiu-Jitsu gyms in my area to choose from. One is a small gym 10 minutes from my house with a great teacher with great teaching style and lineage. But at this gym, there are mostly housewives and kids. In sparring, I'm not challenged at all, but great instruction.

• 0:37Jocko Willink?

  Just in there beating up the children.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  Sure, the sparring.

• 0:41Jocko Willink?

  Jack.

• 0:42Speaker 01

  The other gym, 25 minutes away with a champion black belt instructor and many very skilled and athletic students to crush me in sparring, which represents a big challenge. What's more, what is most important, the teacher or the student base in a Jiu-Jitsu gym? What would you consider in my case, what would you do? Unfortunately, I cannot pay both memberships and train at both places. Again, big thank you. Please keep up the pace with the Jocko Podcast Underground. Hope to see you one day on the mats of justice. Us to both of you.

• 1:11Jocko Willink?

  All right. So it's kind of a weird question. It says, what's most important, the teacher or the student base at the gym? And really, that's all, that's a scale. There's not, it's not like, hey, the teacher is more important than the students. And it's not like the students are more important than the teacher. It's a combination of those two things, and it can flush out a bunch of different ways. Obviously, you can have an instructor that's, you know, a solid instructor, maybe a purple belt, maybe a brown belt, but he's got just like, the team is great, and you've got a bunch of savages in there. Well, that's going to be better than having a great.

• 1:54Jocko Willink?

  Uh, what is it? Venerated instructor that doesn't have any students. Now, what's cool is if you have a great instructor, a lot of times you end up with great students. And so you, that's generally speaking, what happens. So

• 2:06Jocko Willink?

  this question, the only thing that makes this question a little bit easier to answer is one gym is 10 minutes, the other one's 25 minutes away. Right? If you start talking 10 minutes versus an hour and 15 minutes. I kind of lean towards, and depending on how busy your life is. Hey, man, you gotta go where you're gonna be able to go most often. Having a place that's approximate to your house

• 2:32Jocko Willink?

  is one of the biggest factors in choosing a jujitsu gym. If you have a place that's 10 minutes away and you have a place that's an hour away, almost nine out of 10 times. All, most things considered. It's gonna be like, yeah, train at the place that's 10 minutes away. You can go there every single day. There's no excuses. It's an hour away, dude, that's two, three, four hours out of your day. To go get your jujitsu done. At the other place, it's an hour and 20 minutes. You know what I mean? Like out of your day, you can get it done. But since this gym is only 25 minutes away. It's only an additional 15 minutes and it's an additional half an hour. Total, cuz you know, 15 minutes plus on the way there, 15 minutes plus on the way back.

• 3:11Jocko Willink?

  I, I lean towards the, the gym with the better team at it and the better students. That's what I lean towards.

• 3:22Jocko Willink?

  Is, you know, if I went into that gym and it had a bad vibe, the big gym had a bad vibe, bad vibe, or the instructor was not there. Or whatever, you know, whatever the case may be. There could be problems with it, but in this, pretty straightforward. You gotta, you gotta gym with a great black belt champion instructor and a bunch of kick ass students. Versus, no offense to the small gym, look, cuz if we were talking about your kids, we'd be like 100% go to the, go to the kid's school. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about you wanting to get better at jujitsu, so. That's my answer. Go to the gym that's 25 minutes away. That's where you should train. What do you think Echo Charles?

• 3:57Speaker 01

  Same.

• 3:58Jocko Willink?

  Same.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  Given, given, I mean, I, if there's, and I'm trying to think if he indicated like his kind of personal stats, how old, what's his thing? And if I remember correctly, he's like just a middle of the road person, like 30s, something.

• 4:13Jocko Willink?

  He doesn't even mention it.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think I shortened the question a little bit. It could have been a different question, but either way, it doesn't matter. Here's the, the point. Point is, yes, given certain circumstances, you go with the one with the kids in the housewives quote unquote, good instructor, um, good, really super extra mellow environment.

• 4:30Jocko Willink?

  If you edited out part of the question that said he had kids. This is a totally different.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  No, he's talking about himself though.

• 4:37Jocko Willink?

  I know, but check this out. If I have kids, what's my priority in life?

• 4:42Speaker 01

  Kids.

• 4:42Jocko Willink?

  Is it me getting better at jujitsu at the better school? No, it's not. It's the kids getting better.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:48Jocko Willink?

  So in this case, unless they have a kids program at the big gym, I would probably take my kids to the gym and I'd probably train at that local gym. Cause I'm more focused on my kids.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Yes, I understand.

• 5:00Jocko Willink?

  I didn't know we were editing questions over there.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  Bro, you'd be surprised. Yes. Um, well.

• 5:05Jocko Willink?

  Pert and information was removed.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Fully and maybe, maybe, I don't know. I'm, I'm saying maybe this was this question, maybe it was another one. Here's, and here's the whole point by saying that is yeah, you're right. If that is the case, then that's a different question.

• 5:17Jocko Willink?

  What are you looking for?

• 5:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. So.

• 5:19Jocko Willink?

  What are you looking for?

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. So what's more important? The, basically the sparring versus the instruction and where it's like inverse, where the sparring and the instruction maybe it doesn't make the impact that I, that I maybe expect or whatever, for lack of a better way of putting it. But the sparring is freaking challenging, awesome, freaking I'm going to be pushed, right? Or the exact opposite instructor is freaking awesome, but the, the sparring, no challenge. You know, I am not pushed at all. What's more important? Kind of black and white scenario. And I agree with you. Yes. Because as a, as a male, unless you're super old and like not super old, but you know, if you're in the old realm, 65 plus, you know, yeah, exactly right. Or you're super young, a child, a kid.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  Now, aside from those two, get getting better at jiu jitsu is gonna take certain things, you know, certain experiences. For example, if you're just rolling, just basically doing drills with housewives, you know, instructor that's just doing drills, I don't know how effective your jiu jitsu is gonna wind up being over time. See what I'm saying? As opposed to the opposite, if it's like, even if you're not getting freaking Donner her level freaking going deep instruction, at least you have that experience. You know, of course, there's not, I mean, unless the instructor really sucks, which I doubt, you know, if there's good guys in here, the instructor is gonna be good. He's a world champ, he said a world champion.

• 6:35Jocko Willink?

  Yeah, world champion.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's in there. Good, easy. But he's getting that that hardcore sparring experience, that's gonna add an element to jiu jitsu that's more important, given who he is, I think, too, as well. And the twenty, and but that's twenty five minutes. I think the difference between ten minutes and twenty five minutes over time is more significant, I feel like, than the numbers may impress upon you.

• 6:57Jocko Willink?

  It also depends on traffic.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:59Jocko Willink?

  Like, what's your traffic situation?

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:01Jocko Willink?

  Cause if it's like, if you live in the middle of nowhere and it's twenty five minutes regardless of what time of day and all that stuff, cause in California or New York or Boston, what takes twenty five minutes at noon?

• 7:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:13Jocko Willink?

  At five o'clock at night can take an hour.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:15Jocko Willink?

  So that's a big difference.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:18Jocko Willink?

  So that depends too. Depends on the status there.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  But if you're cool with the twenty five minutes just in life, cause like, you're probably in the same boat. I'm not cool with twenty five minutes if I gotta do it a lot. Like, think about from your house, how far north could you get in twenty five minutes? You're kinda up in freaking Carlsbad. At twenty five minutes, maybe even further, really.

• 7:37Jocko Willink?

  Traffic.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's say no traffic. Right? You wanna go?

• 7:40Jocko Willink?

  Twenty five minutes is far away.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, you wanna travel that far for jiu jitsu?

• 7:43Jocko Willink?

  Yeah, it does depend on, but it depends too, like.

• 7:45Speaker 01

  If you're used to it, it's cool.

• 7:47Jocko Willink?

  Yeah, it depends on what the area of operations is. Cause there's some places, twenty five minutes in a car is kinda nice, some places.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:53Jocko Willink?

  Get on the little back roads, we're taking, you know what I mean? That's fine. There's no traffic on the two lane highway or whatever. We're all good.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, it'll probably come down to your life. You know, like, if you live in LA and you're used to that, fucking just. Gut check going everywhere and it's only 25 minutes. You go, yeah, worth the fuck. Yeah, worth it. 25 minutes. It's down the block, fool. Either way, I agree. Yes. All right, next question. Hello, gentlemen. I broke up with my girlfriend last last year after being together for three years. I'm 28. The reason being that I was getting a little bored with the relationship and felt the need to be alone for a while. I was also dealing with a few things. I lost my driver's license for using my mobile phone, which hindered my previous role. I had just bought my first investment property

• 8:40Speaker 01

  and was figuring out my finances. Fast forward to present after going to Europe for three weeks solo trip and spending some time alone focusing on work, my fitness goals and music production hobby. It seems as if I threw a good thing away. She was and still is on my mind a lot. I dated another woman briefly for almost six months, but my ex was and still is on the forefront of my mind. She was very supportive, caring and understanding when we were together. We never really argued. And if we did, it was mostly my fault for blowing things out of proportion. As I mentioned above, there there were times when I was getting bored. After speaking to many people I know that are happily happily married or in long-term relationships, being quote unquote bored is a normal phase of their relationship.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  This was also my first serious relationship. When people ask me about her, I only have good things to say. We've spoken a few times since breaking up and I told her how I feel. She acknowledged and respected how open I was about my feelings. We ended up catching up the other week and things for the most part went well. I'd like to get back with her, but understand that things won't be the same. Any advice on how to handle this situation moving forward? Thanks for everything.

• 9:56Jocko Willink?

  Well, I one thing that comes to mind here, you know, the whole boredom thing, like, what is that? I'm not 100% sure what that.

• 10:05Jocko Willink?

  You know, what what did that mean, right? For this particular dude, right? Because bored.

• 10:12Jocko Willink?

  You know, if you eat prime rib every night, every night. Look, dude, I.

• 10:17Jocko Willink?

  So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen. Go to jockounderground.com and subscribe and we're doing this, we're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms. So we are not subject to their control and we are doing this so that we can support the Jocko Podcast, which will remain as is free for all, as long as we can keep it that way. But we, but we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors. And we're doing it so we can give you more

• 10:58Jocko Willink?

  control, more interaction, more direct connections, better communications with us. And to do that, we are, we're building a website right now where we'll be able to utilize to strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us. So thank you. It's jockounderground.com. It costs $8.18 a month. And if you can't afford to support us, we can still support you. Just email [email protected] and we'll get you taken care of. Until then, we will see you mobilized underground.