The 3 Ways To Master Communicating At Work So You Succeed And Win! With Jefferson Fisher

Full Video Available on YouTube ⁠@JamieKernLimaOfficial⁠. Are You Ready to believe in YOU?🙌⁠ jamiekernlima.com⁠ 👈 Sign up for my FREE Inspirational Newsletter here and you’ll ALSO get special prompt questions to help you grow in your self-worth-building that pair with each episode!🩷 Make sure to click the “Follow” button for the show on your favorite podcast app, so you’ll be the first to get each episode! ____ Do you know the best way to Handle Bad Apologies? And exactly how to apologize to heal your relationships? You will after this episode! And this matters bigtime because these things happen to all of us! When someone hurts us, betrays us, or does something that we feel we deserve an apology for, but then they give us a bad one, one that leaves us feeling worse than before, and with none of our needs met, how do you handle it? When you need to apologize to someone you want to repair the relationship with, and your apology doesn’t seem to be working, how can you apologize more effectively? I am so excited to welcome Communication Phenom and trial attorney, Jefferson Fisher back to the show! Because when we learn to communicate with someone who gives us a bad apology, or learn how to give a good one ourselves, it truly changes every single area of our lives! Jefferson Fisher is a trial lawyer, 5th generation award-winning attorney, writer, and speaker whose work has gained him millions of followers all over the world, through short, simple, practical social media videos teaching people how to argue less and talk more. Whether it’s handling a heated conversation, dealing with a difficult personality, or standing your ground with confidence, Jefferson helps you communicate during life's everyday arguments and conversations! His brand-new book, The Next Conversation – Argue Less, Talk Moreis out now! Jefferson says you can change everything about your life by what you say next! And you and I are in for a treat because Jefferson has stepped away from his busy legal practice to fly here and be with YOU and me today! And whether you're joining me today for yourself or because someone that you love shared this episode with you, I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kern Lima Show podcast family. And remember this episode is not just for you and me. Please share it with every single person that you know because it can change their life too. Episode Reflection Questions for YOU: Jamie writes prompt questions each episode to spark revelations in your self-worth journey and help you apply the tools and lessons from each episode into your real life right now. Please make sure you’re signed up for Jamie’s free inspirational newsletter ⁠ jamiekernlima.com⁠ 👈 Get my new book WORTHY plus FREE Bonus gifts including a 95+ page Worthy Workbook and more at ⁠WorthyBook.com⁠ Jefferson's new book, The Next Conversation – Argue Less, Talk More, is now available at ⁠https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/book⁠. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here ⁠https://jamiekernlima.com/show/⁠ for the podcast episode page. Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to The Jamie Kern Lima Show 3:18 3 Communication Tools To Win At Work 7:14 Try This 1 Tool For Career Success 11:34 Prime The Room and Win! 15:52 Never Do THIS If Giving Hard News and a lot of people say to do this It’s such an honor to share this podcast together with you. And please note: I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Click⁠ Here⁠ to Subscribe to the YouTube Channel Follow me here: ⁠Instagram⁠ ⁠TikTok⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠ ⁠Website⁠ — Sign up for my inspirational newsletter for YOU at:⁠ jamiekernlima.com⁠ — Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are! ⁠WORTHY⁠ ⁠Believe IT

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jamie Kern Lima?

  I am so excited for today's episode because how you communicate at work can impact how successful you are as an employee, a boss, and a leader. You've asked for it and backed by popular demand, communication phenom and trial attorney Jefferson Fisher is here to talk with you and me today about mastering communicating with employees, with bosses, and with teams inside and outside of work. These are simple but powerful tips and tools that can single-handedly impact your career. So let's dive in together. Jefferson Fisher is a trial lawyer, a fifth-generation, award-winning attorney, writer, and speaker.

• 0:44Jamie Kern Lima?

  His work has gained him millions of followers all over the world through short, simple, practical, social media videos, teaching people how to argue less and talk more. Whether it's handling a heated conversation, dealing with a difficult personality, or standing your ground with confidence, Jefferson helps you communicate during life's everyday arguments and conversations. And his brand-new book, called The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More, is out now. Jefferson says you can change everything about your life by what you say next. And you and I are in for a treat because Jefferson has stepped away from his busy legal practice.

• 1:26Jamie Kern Lima?

  He got on an airplane, he flew here to be with you and me today. Whether you're listening for yourself or because someone that you love shared this episode with you, I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kern Lima Show Podcast Family. Remember, this episode is not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person you know because it can change their life too. Before we jump into this episode, I'd be so grateful if you'd take two seconds to click on the follow or subscribe button on the app you're listening or watching the podcast on. It'll help you because you're going to be the very first to get the episodes, and it's going to help the show because by you following it, it's more likely to be promoted to others to discover.

• 2:10Jamie Kern Lima?

  And if you leave a five-star review, that would be even more amazing. And just thank you so much. This is our show together, and it truly means so much to me.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Jamie Kern Lima is her name.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life.

• 2:24Speaker 03

  Jamie Kern Lima.

• 2:29Jamie Kern Lima?

  Jamie, you're so inspiring.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  Jamie Kern Lima.

• 2:35Jamie Kern Lima?

  Jefferson Fisher, welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

• 2:38Speaker 04

  Thank you so much for having me, Jamie. I'm honored to be here.

• 2:41Jamie Kern Lima?

  I'm so excited you're here.

• 2:44Jamie Kern Lima?

  Wow, what has happened with you, with your advice, with your videos? It has become a phenomenon.

• 2:51Speaker 04

  Thank you. You're very sweet. Thank you. Yeah, it's truly been a blessing. And right now, I'm just holding on.

• 2:57Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm excited. So much to dive into today. Something that affects every single one of us almost every day of our lives is how we communicate or don't at work. Whether it's as an employee, as a boss, as a leader, as a member of a team. Can you talk about like some of the most important tips for how we communicate in the workplace?

• 3:28Speaker 04

  What I strongly advise in communicating in the workplace is understanding that the responsibility is often on you to make sure that your message is understood. When you're at the workplace, it's not family. It's not, some of these are acquaintances and strangers. And let's face it, there's people you don't really even like. But when you take the responsibility, when you own

• 3:54Speaker 04

  the idea of being understood, it shows character and it shows confidence. So if there's a breakdown in miscommunication, and this happens all the time, whenever you have a miscommunication, there is typically the desire to blame the other person for not getting it. When true leadership says, "I could have done a better job explaining that." When you have that kind of lightbulb moment of using

• 4:22Speaker 04

  Yourself as taking that ownership, taking that responsibility. People are attracted to that. You also want to make sure, I'd say two, that you use smaller sentences. Whenever, and that goes to your confidence in the same way. When you email somebody, if you send an email that is three paragraphs, what's the likelihood of it being read? What's the likelihood of it being absorbed and remembered? Very low. Our attention spans are just, they're not going to be great with that. So the shorter you can keep that communication, the better. And with three, I would say you need to understand and learn how to prime rooms, prime conversations.

• 5:03Jamie Kern Lima?

  Explain that.

• 5:03Speaker 04

  Yeah. And this, this goes into, I'll give a sneak peek of rule number three is saying it to connect. And the ability to use frames in conversations. There are so many different ways that we get worked up at the workplace to have that difficult conversation, that leggo of somebody, to give them criticism. Because you're afraid of how they're going to behave. You're afraid of how they're going to react. You're afraid of the outcome. That's what happens when we get nervous before those conversations. We're, we're more focused on the outcome. Oh, they're not going to like me anymore. Oh, they're gonna, they're gonna think I'm not a competent employee, or boss, or supervisor, whatever it is. Frames are ways to help break that down.

• 5:48Speaker 04

  And you do that really in three ways. All you need to do is tell them what you want to talk about. You need to tell them how you want to feel at the end of the conversation. And then you need to get their acknowledgement. It's as simple as that.

• 6:02Jamie Kern Lima?

  Okay, is this as an employee, as a boss, as a team leader, all of it?

• 6:05Speaker 04

  Any of them.

• 6:06Jamie Kern Lima?

  Same practice?

• 6:07Speaker 04

  Any, yeah, yeah.

• 6:07Jamie Kern Lima?

  Okay, break this down, because I love this so much. Because I feel like everyone can start, you know, communicating this way, like today.

• 6:15Speaker 04

  100%. And this can also be applied in family relationships, but let's, let's keep it in the workplace.

• 6:21Jamie Kern Lima?

  Okay.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  Let's say that, Jamie, you made a comment last Thursday that I heard about later. I wasn't in the room, but it didn't really go well. And I'm the supervisor here, and I need to have a conversation with you about it. I'm gonna feel a little bit uncomfortable. Maybe I had to lay it a few days because I, uh, I just wanna procrastinate on that conversation because it's making me nervous thinking about it. Here's where it goes wrong, is when you come in and I go, hey, Jamie, um, how, how, how are you? You, you, you good? Yeah, how are your parents? Everybody good? As, um, the kids? Yeah, they're, they're good. This weather's crazy, right?

• 7:01Speaker 04

  Hey, listen, um, and right there, you know, the conversation's going south. Right now, Jamie's thinking, where are you going? What, what's happening here? Why am I, why am I brought in?

• 7:13Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 7:14Speaker 04

  And instead, what you need to do is set a frame around the conversation. Meaning, you need to think of one issue, one frame. Here's what it would look like in practice in this conversation with Jamie, is I would say, Jamie, this is me saying what I wanna talk about. Jamie, I need to talk with you about the comments you made last Thursday.

• 7:33Jamie Kern Lima?

  So, right out of the gate?

• 7:34Speaker 04

  Right out of the gate. You just tell them exactly what you need to talk about. Two is, you tell them how you want to feel, how you want, want to feel at the end after the conversation. Not before, not during, at the end. And you do that by saying, and I think in this conversation, I'd, I need to walk, I'd like to walk away with a better understanding of what happened. Or, I'd like to walk away feeling like we have the same level of priorities. Or maybe it's, I need, I need to, um, I wanna walk away this conversation with the understanding, that's not gonna happen again. So, it is you telling them at the end of it, this is what I want it to look like. This is how I want to feel at the end of it. This is how I want it to happen. You're given the conclusion before you even start talking. And then you get their buy-in.

• 8:18Speaker 04

  It's as easy as, sound good? Does that work? Can we do that? Anything like that. It's, it's kind of like they getting an invisible pen and signing it. And what Jamie's gonna say is, you know, okay, they're not gonna say no, they say yes. And when you get that nod, it's, it's an invisible contract. But now, no, we're not gonna talk about Greg from accounting. We're not gonna talk about what happened at lunchtime two months ago. We're not gonna talk about anything else aside from exactly the frame that I laid out. I told you what I wanna talk about. I wanna make sure this is how it ends. And then, I'm getting your buy-in. And people don't like to break their word. So, once they agree to it, they're in it. And it's a way that you can handle almost any conversation you can think of in the workplace.

• 9:03Jamie Kern Lima?

  This is so good. Jefferson, there are so many bad bosses out there.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's true.

• 9:06Jamie Kern Lima?

  There are so many people put in leadership roles that don't know how to communicate.

• 9:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:12Jamie Kern Lima?

  And there are so many really talented people or well-intentioned people, but they would have no idea how to have a conversation like this.

• 9:18Speaker 04

  Right.

• 9:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  And it can just, wow, okay, uh, this is good. So you say exactly, right out of the gate.

• 9:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:26Jamie Kern Lima?

  Uh, what this is about and...

• 9:28Speaker 04

  And you can do it as an employee, too.

• 9:29Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 9:30Speaker 04

  It's all the same.

• 9:31Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah, because I always say this, like managing up is as important to your career as managing down. How you manage up to bosses?

• 9:39Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 9:39Jamie Kern Lima?

  Can be as important, if not more, than when you're the boss, how you're managing your teams. It's both directions. And a lot of people only see it as one direction.

• 9:47Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 9:47Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 9:48Speaker 04

  Yes. Even if you have feedback that you're afraid to give, you don't see an opportunity to give it to somebody who they said something in an email and it hurt you.

• 9:54Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 9:54Speaker 04

  And you're just gonna, instead of just dealing with it, what I want you to do is use a frame.

• 9:59Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 9:59Speaker 04

  So let's say you're the supervisor, I'm the employee, and you said something that it didn't feel right with me and I've just been sitting with it, I've been living with it, and I need to, I need to tell you. So it's, it's as easy as, "Hey, Jamie, I'd like to talk with you about the email you sent two days ago, and I want to walk away from this conversation with a better alignment on what you expect moving forward by asking you to solve it." Or it could be, "And I'm not asking you to solve anything, I just need you to, to hear me out, or I just need to feel understood on this." Can we do that? Simple as that. Now...

• 10:30Jamie Kern Lima?

  Did everyone hear that recipe?

• 10:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:32Jamie Kern Lima?

  Did everyone hear that, that frame, that three-step recipe?

• 10:34Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 10:35Jamie Kern Lima?

  What you just did now, in the case of if you're the employee, I'm the boss, how you handle it.

• 10:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:39Jamie Kern Lima?

  That three-step. And same peer-to-peer, right?

• 10:41Speaker 04

  Exactly. And every, and the thing is, it, it'll, it lines out the agreements.

• 10:46Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 10:46Speaker 04

  Lines out the expectations. There's no hidden, or what are they gonna bring up, or are they... I mean, if you're a supervisor and I'm an employee and I'm wanting to talk to you... Yeah, you're automatically thinking, oh, they're leaving. Oh, they're looking for a different job. And what happens is you start to butt in. You try to fix the problem. Oh, you're looking for this, or you're looking for that. And they're going, no, no, no, you're not listening to me. And so it's, they are listening. You're just, you're waiting until you're talking to figure out what you want to say.

• 11:12Jamie Kern Lima?

  This is so good, too, because, you know, there's just so much also conflict in the workplace, or tension in the workplace. A lot of times, just colleague to colleague. And it's like, someone could do this, or they took your idea in the meeting, or they said this, and that was not true, or whatever happened. And you're saying, you can even approach it with this framework.

• 11:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:29Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 11:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. And you can even, if that-

• 11:32Jamie Kern Lima?

  Swash issues before they happen.

• 11:34Speaker 04

  It's so quickly. And you can even prime rooms. So what I like to do, even in depositions, is I'll sit down and I'll put in a third person in terms of a room. Like, we could say this, for example. I want to make sure that this is a room where I can be totally honest. Now, you see how I didn't put it on you? See, I want to make sure I can be honest with you.

• 11:52Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 11:52Speaker 04

  I want to, it doesn't say you at all. I'm talking about the room. So when you can put it in terms of priming the room, I want to make sure this is, this is a place where I can be transparent, or I can tell you how I really feel. When you prime a room, it's a lot less direct. It's probably easier sometimes for people to slowly move into addressing those, let's say, the elephant in the room.

• 12:17Jamie Kern Lima?

  Mmm, so good. I just had this, like, premonition, so I'm just going to put it out there. There's so much more coming up in this episode. You are not going to want to miss it. But first, I wanted to share this with you. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you.

• 12:58Jamie Kern Lima?

  In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them, and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable

• 13:40Jamie Kern Lima?

  self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Imagine, what would you do if you fully believed in you? My weekly free inspirational newsletter is packed with tips and tools to help you find out. It's called One-on-One with Jamie, and it's delivered right to your inbox each Tuesday morning. It's a love letter from me

• 14:22Jamie Kern Lima?

  to you, from my soul to yours, and I hope it brings you the words and messages you need at just the right moment. Plus, when you're a part of my free inspirational newsletter community, you'll be the first to get behind-the-scenes content, inspirational messages, and be the first to learn about upcoming events and more. It's the place to be, and I sure hope you'll join me there. So if you're not on the list yet, you can sign up for free at jamiekernlima.com, or click the link in the show notes below, and here's to becoming unstoppable together. And now, more of this incredible conversation together.

• 15:06Jamie Kern Lima?

  I just had this like premonition, so I'm just gonna put it out there. Number one, your new book, The Next Conversation, Argue Less, Talk More. I've read it cover to cover. There's a million tools people can apply right now as bosses, as leaders, as employees. I'm already in there. And also, can we please request an entire franchise? Next conversation at work.

• 15:27Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 15:28Jamie Kern Lima?

  Next conversation in leadership. The next conversation in parenting. The next, can we please do? And then can you expand your communication school? Sorry, not to put any more work on you right now because I can only imagine. But I'm just seeing it all right now because some of these frameworks, nobody has these. And this is a really big deal. I want to call something out, Jefferson, that I feel like is this age old practice. And a lot of people say to do this, uh, which they call the sandwich, right? Yeah, and I want to talk to you about this. Okay, everyone listening, I'm sure you've heard of this. You have done it yourself, thinking it's the right thing, or have had someone do it to you, where you have to have a hard conversation, you do the sandwich. You, you give something positive.

• 16:12Jamie Kern Lima?

  Oh, it's so great, how you did it, da, da, da, da, da. Then you say the thing you actually want to say, which is the tough feedback, the thing they're doing wrong, the thing that's a disaster. Then you wrap it up by, and I'm just so grateful that you have a smile on your face. So it's that sandwich is the, the nice, and then the thing, and then the nice. Now, this has been around forever.

• 16:31Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 16:31Jamie Kern Lima?

  People do this by default, and then they also call themselves great leaders when they do it. And you say, that's not the way. You say that is not the way. Okay, tell us why. I love this so much. I love this so much.

• 16:45Speaker 04

  In my view, the compliment sandwich is hard to swallow. It, it has a, and it's because it has a bad aftertaste. It feels good in the moment, but as soon as I leave the room, it does not sit well with you, and it does not sit well with the other person because there's no authenticity. You, you set it up to just try and flatter them, at the same time throw in what could have been a bomb. I mean, what you, this is what you want to do.

• 17:12Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 17:13Speaker 04

  Instead, you need to be very clear and lead with the negative.

• 17:19Speaker 04

  It's gonna be easier than you think.

• 17:20Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 17:20Speaker 04

  And let me tell you why. You want to lead with the negative, then add the positive. Add on the compliment afterwards. This is how we can do this. Instead of me bringing you in, and let's say I need to let you go. You've been a great employee. If I, if I, you come in to the room, Jamie, and I said, look, Jamie, you've been great. You know, we've really enjoyed having you here. But as soon as you see, hear the word but, they already know. Here it comes. The hammer's coming. And so that just means everything you said before it was disingenuous. You're just kind of letting them.

• 17:54Jamie Kern Lima?

  But is one of my least favorite words. Every time we hear but, yes.

• 17:58Speaker 04

  Exactly. Just it deletes and erases and waters down everything you said before. Like, I love you, but.

• 18:03Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 18:05Speaker 04

  So instead of doing that, the, hey, listen, you've been great. You've been such an employee. We love having you and you're such a bright light. But as soon as that happens, they already know. It's disingenuous. Instead, just lead with the difficult. And it could sound like this. Jamie, this is gonna be difficult to hear. Or Jamie, we need to talk about something that isn't fun. Or as simple as, this is gonna be a tough conversation. It's gonna be a difficult conversation. Or I don't like this conversation. It's giving them a heads up right now. I'm not pushing on a compliment. I'm not giving false flattery. I'm not giving disingenuous praise. I'm telling you right up front, this thing can be fun.

• 18:45Speaker 04

  You need to understand that people are more emotionally resilient than you think if you just give them the tools to do it. And what you do is you're allowing them in that moment when I say, this is gonna be fun to hear. It readies themselves. It allows them to kind of prepare for it. And their mind's gonna think the worst case scenario right away, because it was already gonna happen. It was gonna, already gonna happen. And when you give them just a pause, give them a two seconds, and it's, I need to let you go.

• 19:14Speaker 04

  So let's say I need to fire you if it was, Jamie, this is not gonna be fun to talk about. I need to let you go. And then you explain the reasons, then you have the conversation, then you say the hard stuff you needed to say. And then later, you can add on the, let me tell you what, I've loved everything about having you here. If you ever need a referral, if there is something to be positive about, that's the truth. I mean, maybe it's a bad employee that you don't have anything positive. If that's the case, compliment sandwich was always gonna go rotten in a hurry. It's gonna be expired real soon. Instead, when you are able to add on the compliments at the end and that praise, then it's kind of like it ends on a pick-me-up.

• 19:56Speaker 04

  Then it ends on the, you know, I'm excited to see where you turn in life. I'm excited to see where you go, or you're gonna do wonderful things. It's just not gonna be here, Jamie. Whenever you can do that, then like, oh, okay. And now you're emboldening them, now you're supporting them, now you're giving them more. And the compliment sandwich, now I think it's time to shelf up.

• 20:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  You know, right now, I feel we're in, we're always in a challenging era for all different reasons in leadership, in business, in the workplace, as employees, as employers. You know, so many people are starting their own small businesses at home, and then they have their first employee, and their second employee, and they're like, oh, this is a job. And then they're dealing with, it's another job, once you have a team. And you're dealing with all kinds of issues. And, you know, leadership in any form is one of the most challenging things. So here's what I want to ask you is, I'm just gonna come out and say this. I'm gonna come out and say it, even though not everyone's gonna like it. I'm gonna come out and say it.

• 20:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:56Jamie Kern Lima?

  There is a theory that we are in what people are calling the snowflake era. Meaning,

• 21:05Jamie Kern Lima?

  This sort of addiction people have to getting attention for their problems, or being overly sensitive to everything, or getting offended by everything. And I have known personally so many professors, teachers, employers, leaders, pastors, who have contemplated staying in their leadership role because they feel like it's so delicate. That if you do anything, if you breathe the wrong way and you touch, like the snowflake melts. And it's just, you get canceled. Exactly. All of it. It's just been this, you know, very, and I think, I think a lot of people are rebelling against that in a lot of things,

• 21:47Jamie Kern Lima?

  including the way they vote, including all kinds of things. So it's a whole thing. That aside, the point and the question I want to ask is when we're in a position in the workplace, where we're in an era where it feels like if we breathe the wrong way, it's going to offend somebody. And maybe we have to give tough feedback, or we have to communicate and we have to lead.

• 22:13Jamie Kern Lima?

  How do we do that? How do, how do we, and maybe it's the tools you've been sharing already, because they're so clear and they're so direct and they're so precise.

• 22:24Jamie Kern Lima?

  But how do we do that? How do, how do we stay really strong leaders in our communication? In an era where everyone's so easily offended and leaders are scared, out of their minds, they're going to say the wrong thing or be canceled.

• 22:38Speaker 04

  It's a real thing.

• 22:39Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 22:40Speaker 04

  It's a real, there are people that deserve what they get. There are other people who do not deserve it. It goes both ways. For sure, there tends to be, and I feel like we're kind of, the pendulum is going to swing the other way of being hypersensitive.

• 22:56Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 22:57Speaker 04

  To being not really sensitive. How do you navigate that?

• 23:00Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  Well, one is you don't want to let that water down who you are, or your integrity, or your character of saying what you feel like you need to say. The question is, is that something you need to say now? Is that something you need to agree on? Is this is something we need to agree on now? But it's a very good tool of asking yourself. Do I need to say it now? And am I the one to say it? Does it need to be said? So whenever you're able to ask yourself in that moment, is this something that I need to say? And am I the one to say it? And often, it is the feeling that we feel like we're important enough that everybody has to hear our opinion. Everybody has to hear what we share and what we say. Like, would people who go onto social media and use it as a megaphone?

• 23:46Speaker 04

  And every other way. I'm not saying, don't be, don't share what's true to you. That's not, that's what I'm saying. You always be true to yourself. Two would be, use questions more than you use statements, particularly in the workplace. By that, I mean, if you're dealing with somebody who you know to be maybe a little bit hyper-aware of what is sensitive to them, then you know that you have to adapt your communications a little differently. So I might lead the conversation with, how do you, how can I give good feedback to you? What's the best way that I can give you feedback? Or how do you like certain ways? You're getting somebody's preferences in a communication.

• 24:30Speaker 04

  When you're talking with X, Y, and Z, how do you prefer to get feedback? When you're able to take more of an audit of certain people's styles, I mean, it goes back to who you hire, you know, what your mission is, what everybody's doing. When you can use questions and get more curious about the other person, it's gonna be, it's gonna be more fruitful for you, more productive, than just going around scattershooting every opinion that you have under the sun. Because there are some opinions out there that, let's be honest, they should be kept where they were, and that's in your head before they came out of your mouth. But the people that are hyper-sensitive and hyper-aware, you're not going to change them by telling them, I was just joking, or get over it.

• 25:14Speaker 04

  Are you too sensitive? That's gonna feed the fire. That's not gonna get rid of it. So the work begins before you open your mouth.

• 25:21Jamie Kern Lima?

  Before you open your mouth, do I need to share this now?

• 25:25Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 25:26Jamie Kern Lima?

  And am I the right person to share this?

• 25:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:29Jamie Kern Lima?

  And I think that's genius, because so many of us think, oh, well, I'm the leader. I'm the boss. I'm the, I'm supposed to. But taking a step back and going, wait a minute, do I need to share this now?

• 25:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:40Jamie Kern Lima?

  And am I the right person?

• 25:41Speaker 04

  Right.

• 25:42Jamie Kern Lima?

  And that's kind of a very... Thoughtful way to also just really

• 25:50Jamie Kern Lima?

  in this era we're in.

• 25:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:51Jamie Kern Lima?

  Make sure it's not a big mistake.

• 25:53Speaker 04

  You'll hear, you'll hear often, somebody say, "Look, I just, I just have to say." Or, "Look, I just need to say." No, you don't.

• 26:03Speaker 04

  No, there's nothing you have to say. It's something you want to say. It's something that you want people to hear it. The question is, who are you saying it for? Are you saying it to hear yourself? Are you saying it to make things worse?

• 26:18Speaker 04

  Most often, when somebody says, "I just have to say." It was only for them. It was an audience of one, not for the other person.

• 26:24Jamie Kern Lima?

  So good. Remember, this episode is not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person you know, because it can change their life, too. Make sure to pick up Jefferson's new book, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More. And check out his brand new Jefferson Fisher School of Communication. We'll link it in the show notes. And if you loved today's episode, too, well, my only ask is you please click on the follow or subscribe button for the show on the app that you're listening or watching it on, then give it a five-star review, and then share this episode with everyone you believe in. Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it. Post it and share it with others online

• 27:08Jamie Kern Lima?

  or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. Just thank you so much for joining me. And before you go, I wanted to share some words with you that couldn't be more true. You, right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. It's an honor to welcome you to each episode of The Jamie Kern Lima Show. And here, I hope you'll come as you are and heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling,

• 27:52Jamie Kern Lima?

  and stay as long as you like, because you belong here. You are worthy. You are loved. You are love, and I love you. And I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of The Jamie Kern Lima Show. Do you struggle with negative self-talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful. And when you learn to take control over your self-talk, it's life-changing. And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something

• 28:37Jamie Kern Lima?

  that could benefit your life. It's called "Five Ways to Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Build Self-Love." And it's a free how-to guide to overcome that negative self-talk to build confidence and develop unshakable self-love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals. Don't let self-sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer. It's time to rewrite the script of your life, one filled with self-love, resilience, and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence, and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams, you can grab your free guide to Stop

• 29:22Jamie Kern Lima?

  Overthinking and Learn to Trust Yourself at jamiekernlima.com/resources or click the link in the show notes below. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you, delivered straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up, to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your One-on-One with Jamie weekly newsletter

• 30:07Jamie Kern Lima?

  and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes.

• 30:27Speaker 03

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• 30:35Speaker 03

  It's gonna save you.

• 30:37Speaker 05

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  It's powerful. It's happening. It's worthy.

• 30:59Jamie Kern Lima?

  Imagine, what would you do if you fully believed in you? I went from struggling waitress facing nonstop rejection to failure of It Cosmetics, a billion dollar company, by learning how to overcome self doubt and believe I'm worthy of my hopes and dreams. And I'm sharing how you can too in my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life. If you're ready to truly trust yourself and break through that barrier of self doubt and know that where you come from, or even where you are right now, doesn't determine where you're going, then Worthy is for you.

• 31:42Jamie Kern Lima?

  It's time to go from doubting you're enough to knowing you're enough. It's time to step into all of who you are and into the person you were born to be. And it's time to believe that you are worthy of it. Because in life, we don't become what we want, we become what we believe we're worthy of. Join the Worthy movement today by grabbing your copy of Worthy anywhere books are sold. Then head to worthybook.com now for free gifts, including my five-part course on Becoming Unstoppable and my 95-page Worthy Workbook Action Plan that teaches you how to implement

• 32:24Jamie Kern Lima?

  the tools from the book into your real life right now.

• 32:28Speaker 06

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• 32:47Speaker 02

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• 32:59Speaker 01

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• 33:00Jamie Kern Lima?

  The gifts are going away, but they're all free right now on worthybook.com.

• 33:08Jamie Kern Lima?

  It's such an honor to share this podcast together with you. And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.