Alan Carr & Amanda Holden

This week, we’re joined by the ultimate dream duo Alan Carr and Amanda Holden! It’s Alan’s second time joining us on Table Manners and since we last saw him, he’s become a winning Traitor and has just released the third season of his sitcom, Changing Ends. He’s joined by his work wife Amanda, who is celebrating her 20th anniversary as a judge on Britain’s Got Talent and is one of the leading voices on Heart Breakfast. Over lunch, we drank lots of wine and enjoyed Ixta Belfrage’s delicious Celebration Salmon while chatting about Amanda & Alan’s Greek Job, the best clubs to party in Corfu, Alan attending a lesbian festival, getting the inside scoop on both The Traitors and Britain’s Got Talent and of course, a lot of innuendos! Watch the full season of Amanda & Alan’s Greek Job on BBC iPlayer now Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:36Jessie Ware?

  Hello and welcome to Table manners. I'm Jessie Ware and I'm here with Lenny looking rested.

• 1:40Speaker 04

  Rested would be a very odd thing for me to look, to be honest.

• 1:44Jessie Ware?

  Straight in from California, A.

• 1:46Speaker 04

  Someone's head just popped round the mirror, the window.

• 1:49Jessie Ware?

  Oh, it's Sam.

• 1:50Speaker 04

  Okay, okay.

• 1:51Jessie Ware?

  Yes, Sam, who's just come back from the hospital.

• 1:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:53Jessie Ware?

  Who's just told me he's got a slight fracture.

• 1:57Speaker 04

  That's been there since?

• 1:58Jessie Ware?

  From an injury since he was on a paddleboard in Greece in August. So this is a lesson to everyone to just do less.

• 2:06Speaker 04

  He's a trooper.

• 2:08Jessie Ware?

  He's an idiot. Um, anyway, you've come from, back from LA.

• 2:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:13Jessie Ware?

  I've just come back from Lanzarote.

• 2:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:16Jessie Ware?

  Which was really fab. Could have done with it a little warmer.

• 2:20Speaker 04

  I could have done with no rain.

• 2:21Jessie Ware?

  Ah.

• 2:22Speaker 04

  It rained for 10 days.

• 2:23Jessie Ware?

  Oh dear.

• 2:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:24Jessie Ware?

  Well, I ate amazingly. I think anyone who's thinking about going to Lanzarote, you should absolutely go. The wineries.

• 2:31Speaker 04

  Little potatoes.

• 2:32Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, they weren't wrinkly enough for me this time.

• 2:34Speaker 04

  I'll do it for you, darling.

• 2:34Jessie Ware?

  But I had the most gorgeous time, like going to all the spots with the kids, Famara. Tried to pretend that I was in an Almodovar film. Saw a volcano, the fire brigade had to come up Tim and fire the volcano because when they did the demonstrations with like the hay to show that it's, you know, active.

• 2:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:55Jessie Ware?

  They went too like hay heavy and so there was just smoke. So the fire brigade had to come. Um, what else? We lava chicken they do there, which was fab for all the kids that like Minecraft. So that was good.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  Besides having Cosmos at Sunset Tower, which is my favourite place on earth. On New Year's Day, we were lucky enough that Phil Rosenthal organised us a place in his new diner.

• 3:19Jessie Ware?

  Who is, you know, it's, it's him and Nancy Silverton, both guests on the podcast. They have this new hot diner, Max and Helen's.

• 3:27Speaker 04

  Max, that's his parents.

• 3:29Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 3:29Speaker 04

  The mugs have a picture of his mum and dad in their wedding outfit. There's lots of photos. And it was delicious diner food. I had Leo eggs.

• 3:39Jessie Ware?

  What are they? Leonardo DiCaprio?

• 3:40Speaker 04

  No, apparently it's a classic dish, which I'd never heard of. It's gravadlax with scallions, which are spring onions and eggs and they scramble it all together. But the big thing there is their waffle with maple butter.

• 3:57Jessie Ware?

  Did you get it?

• 3:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, for the table. I thought about you, Jessie. We had one for the table. No, it was all very delicious and fun and very nice atmosphere. I also went to a lovely restaurant called Little Fish, where I think I had the nicest piece of fish I've ever, steelhead trout with cod's roe, which were like little balls that burst in your mouth with a kind of salsa on the top.

• 4:21Jessie Ware?

  Well, speaking of fish, I am on food duty today and I've decided to return. To Easter belfry, because she can do no wrong in my eyes. So I'm trying out her Celebration Salmon, which is from her book Mezcla. And so it's the book before Fuzio. So Celebration Salmon, which you do on a really low heat. You make this kind of salsa, which is very Easter. It's got lemon grass, chilies, tomatoes, peppercorns, ginger, garlic, all the delicious things, lime juice. And then you put a lot of olive oil. So you kind of confit the salmon and do it really low and slow.

• 4:57Speaker 04

  Have you put it in?

• 4:58Jessie Ware?

  Yes.

• 4:59Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 4:59Jessie Ware?

  And you cook it for like forty five minutes, but low, and it should be really pink. But I know you're not going to want it pink.

• 5:05Speaker 04

  I don't mind.

• 5:05Jessie Ware?

  Are you really?

• 5:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:07Jessie Ware?

  And then I'm doing it with her sticky coconut rice. And then I've done it with this cucumber salad that she tells you to do it with. So very delicious, lots of flavours, delish, zingy. And then I've done our no churn cappuccino ice cream with Ferrero Rocher from our book. Because.

• 5:26Speaker 04

  It's a good recipe.

• 5:28Jessie Ware?

  It's so easy.

• 5:29Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 5:30Jessie Ware?

  And delish.

• 5:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:32Jessie Ware?

  And well, I hope it's delicious, but I need to be reminded to take it out of the freezer.

• 5:37Speaker 04

  Otherwise you'll never.

• 5:38Jessie Ware?

  Otherwise you'll never get through.

• 5:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:40Jessie Ware?

  So that's that. And it's so quick. It's like cream, some instant coffee granules, condensed milk.

• 5:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:48Jessie Ware?

  It's quite nice. And so that's what we're having. And do you want to introduce who we've got on the podcast today?

• 5:53Speaker 04

  We've got a double act.

• 5:54Jessie Ware?

  Mmm.

• 5:55Speaker 04

  It's like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. They're a classic double act. And it's Alan Carr and Amanda Holden. Do you think she's going to come in an evening dress?

• 6:04Jessie Ware?

  No, she's coming from heart.

• 6:06Speaker 04

  I know.

• 6:06Jessie Ware?

  Radio, isn't she?

• 6:07Speaker 04

  She does press.

• 6:08Jessie Ware?

  Because she does the breakfast radio.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  She's such a dresser though, isn't she?

• 6:10Jessie Ware?

  She makes the effort.

• 6:11Speaker 04

  Really makes the effort.

• 6:12Jessie Ware?

  In the, actually, in the show, she says that she wants on her tombstone, never knowingly understated. And Alan said, isn't that like the Tesco?

• 6:24Speaker 04

  It's John Lewis.

• 6:25Jessie Ware?

  John Lewis.

• 6:25Speaker 04

  Never known, never known the undersold.

• 6:27Jessie Ware?

  And it did make me laugh. They have so much fun together and they're doing one of their house makeovers.

• 6:32Speaker 04

  In Corfu?

• 6:33Jessie Ware?

  In Corfu, which is where Alan and I filmed a TV show together. And I know Amanda goes there every summer. So I think they've probably had the best summer ever. And the house was looking fab. I've watched about five episodes.

• 6:44Speaker 04

  How much did they buy the house for?

• 6:45Jessie Ware?

  I don't think it was a one euro jobbie. Otherwise I'm gonna go and do that.

• 6:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think we should.

• 6:51Jessie Ware?

  So we'll be talking to Amanda and Alan about real estate in Europe and also of course, Traitors, Heart FM. I loved when Amanda asked Timothy Chalamet what he'd got Kylie for Christmas. She just says it, doesn't she?

• 7:07Speaker 04

  What's it?

• 7:08Jessie Ware?

  He didn't actually have her anything yet, I don't think. Amanda Holden and Alan Carr coming off on table manners.

• 7:21Jessie Ware?

  Alan and Amanda, welcome. We've been waiting for this.

• 7:25Speaker 05

  Yes, we have. I'm starving.

• 7:26Jessie Ware?

  Okay, good, because it's ready. I mean, Alan, you know, you're talked about as one of our favourite guests ever when we had the best time of our lives with you. It's about time that you're back.

• 7:36Speaker 04

  Well, you're my favourite, not Jessie's.

• 7:38Speaker 06

  Oh, it's your favourite?

• 7:40Speaker 04

  Of course you are.

• 7:42Speaker 06

  Wow, wow.

• 7:43Speaker 04

  It's me that always says it. Jessie always says, I know who she's gonna say, Alan.

• 7:48Jessie Ware?

  Oh.

• 7:48Speaker 06

  Well, we had, there was a chemistry between us.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  There was, there was.

• 7:52Speaker 06

  There was a spark.

• 7:53Jessie Ware?

  There were five bottles of wine.

• 7:54Speaker 05

  I was gonna say a chemistry in some vino.

• 7:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, there was.

• 7:57Speaker 04

  For sure.

• 7:58Speaker 06

  But you know what she said? And she, I remember she made a lemon curd cake. You know, inside I was like.

• 8:03Speaker 05

  Is that a euphemism?

• 8:05Speaker 06

  And I was like, lemon curd, you know, you being polite. It was delicious.

• 8:10Jessie Ware?

  It was a roulade, wasn't it?

• 8:11Speaker 04

  It's my lemon curd roulade.

• 8:13Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was like dreading it.

• 8:14Speaker 04

  Did you not?

• 8:15Speaker 06

  Dreading it.

• 8:15Speaker 04

  Roll a meringue.

• 8:17Speaker 06

  I was dreading it.

• 8:18Speaker 04

  It just got to be brave.

• 8:19Jessie Ware?

  But Amanda, we have been really excited about having you. And obviously, we watch you on the screens together.

• 8:24Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 8:26Jessie Ware?

  And, you know, you're fabulous.

• 8:28Speaker 04

  But Jessie, isn't she gorgeous?

• 8:30Jessie Ware?

  Yes.

• 8:31Speaker 06

  And she comes straight on a motorbike today as well. You look a bit like a headrest.

• 8:37Speaker 04

  How dare you?

• 8:39Speaker 05

  Do I smell fishy because it's only pleather?

• 8:42Jessie Ware?

  Oh, sometimes it does.

• 8:43Speaker 05

  Cheap leather, you go. What's pleather? Oh, it's faux leather. But if you get a cheap one, you can smell a bit.

• 8:50Jessie Ware?

  Bit fishy.

• 8:50Speaker 05

  Fishy.

• 8:51Jessie Ware?

  Oh, it looks great.

• 8:52Speaker 05

  You don't smell fishy. Do I worry?

• 8:54Jessie Ware?

  We're having fish, so.

• 8:56Speaker 05

  That's good, it will mask it. It will mask the smell, Alan.

• 9:00Jessie Ware?

  Now, I do have to say, before, well, before we started recording, Amanda came with a massive box of goodies and was very instructive on what was going to happen with the boxes. And you know, I've seen this go on in, on, on the TV show too.

• 9:16Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yes.

• 9:17Jessie Ware?

  Do as you're told.

• 9:18Speaker 05

  She would have made a whole lot to put the champagne that was in the box.

• 9:21Jessie Ware?

  Well, you did, the best thing that you've said was, you got us the most delicious champagne called the Ruinart.

• 9:27Speaker 05

  It's Ruinart.

• 9:28Jessie Ware?

  Delicious, which is your favourite. So you brought two bottles, thank you so much.

• 9:32Speaker 05

  And for you and your mum.

• 9:33Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, and you said for us to drink, which we're very excited about. And then you brought out a Pinot Noir. And I think you thought I was about to put it in my cellar.

• 9:41Speaker 05

  You said that because you kept saying, thank you, thank you. And I went, no, it's. We're having it now.

• 9:47Jessie Ware?

  Everyone, we're having two bottles, maybe three today.

• 9:51Speaker 05

  Four days of not drinking and that's a big deal for me. Oh, yeah, Dry January. I don't know. I call it's try. Dry January.

• 9:58Speaker 06

  Oh, yes.

• 9:58Speaker 05

  It's gone, it's gone out the window now.

• 10:00Speaker 06

  Quite damp, your Dry Jan, isn't it? I think Dry Jan would be a great, great name, wouldn't it, Dry Jan? Wouldn't it be a great name?

• 10:08Speaker 05

  You wouldn't get any booking.

• 10:09Speaker 06

  No.

• 10:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:10Speaker 06

  But you know what people say, they say to it, oh, are you and Amanda really friends? But we are, aren't we?

• 10:15Jessie Ware?

  We are.

• 10:16Speaker 06

  We couldn't, you couldn't do that show.

• 10:18Jessie Ware?

  No.

• 10:19Speaker 06

  Even if you just liked someone, you couldn't do it because it's 40 degrees and you've been to Corfu, we've been to Corfu actually.

• 10:26Speaker 05

  Boiling hot.

• 10:27Speaker 06

  We've all got something in common.

• 10:28Jessie Ware?

  Pissed out with rain with us.

• 10:29Speaker 05

  I know, you were really unlucky.

• 10:31Jessie Ware?

  But I loved it.

• 10:31Speaker 05

  You filmed in exactly the same area that we were filming in.

• 10:34Jessie Ware?

  Cassiopeia.

• 10:35Speaker 05

  Cassiopeia, yeah. And it was boiling hot. And if you thought that was hot, then you have to try and like lay a gravel path and build a thing. And we're forever saying.

• 10:44Jessie Ware?

  And you did that.

• 10:45Speaker 05

  Oh my God, look, we've got some builders, can they do something? And they're like, no.

• 10:48Speaker 04

  You have to do it. And everyone always says that to us as well.

• 10:51Jessie Ware?

  You did look pretty hot when you were doing the bunk bed with the drill and you were like that, legs akimbo.

• 10:56Speaker 06

  But you had that Greek machismo and they thought she was a lady. They underestimated Amanda. They were like, hey pretty lady, I take that.

• 11:04Speaker 04

  They are, they are slightly, um, think men do everything.

• 11:09Speaker 05

  They do. They're not, it's not like they're chauvinist. It's that they're very traditional.

• 11:13Speaker 04

  Traditional, yeah.

• 11:14Speaker 05

  Because I love them.

• 11:15Speaker 06

  Well, listen, I wish some man had come up to me and say, don't leave, don't move that paving slab.

• 11:20Speaker 05

  Well, you couldn't move it.

• 11:21Speaker 06

  I couldn't. I was.

• 11:22Speaker 05

  No. She, Alan couldn't move the paving slab, bless him. But anyway, that's another story.

• 11:27Speaker 04

  It is very kind of traditional, you're right.

• 11:30Speaker 05

  They're a traditional breed. I mean, I'd be happy for someone to do that in this country. I don't even get out with a shopping outfit. I did the food shop yesterday. I had to ring my husband to come out of his office to come out of the food shop.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  You should leave him and move in with me.

• 11:42Speaker 05

  That's not what will happen in the end, but Chris will be probably dead.

• 11:47Speaker 05

  I would never leave him, I love him. So, but then I would live with Alan.

• 11:51Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 11:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:51Speaker 06

  We've already got a plan set here.

• 11:53Jessie Ware?

  Where, which, which, um, which country would you live in?

• 11:57Speaker 06

  It'd be Kofu, wouldn't it? We love Kofu. We actually holidayed in Kofu together.

• 12:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, we did.

• 12:02Speaker 06

  We, we love it.

• 12:03Jessie Ware?

  So you, when, you and I did our, um, Mamma Mia TV show and.

• 12:07Speaker 06

  And it was so funny because you mentioned the rain then and it was all open air and for the, you know, it's not meant to rain in Kofu in July. And you know what the producers were like, just ignore the rain, pretend the rain's not there and the rain looks, and I'm going, and I, I think, I, I, I loved the performance.

• 12:24Speaker 05

  You need little windscreen wipers on your glasses.

• 12:26Speaker 04

  But didn't you have hot water bottles under, at your seats?

• 12:30Jessie Ware?

  Amber, you did like, she was like, come from, she'd come from LA and she was like, what the fuck is this shit? No, it was amazing, but I remember you saying that you'd already been there with Amanda.

• 12:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:39Jessie Ware?

  And we were going to some of the spots that Amanda likes to eat in.

• 12:43Speaker 05

  Which is all of them.

• 12:44Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, but they're amazing.

• 12:45Speaker 05

  It's terrible. I, yeah, I'm known for my drinking and eating everywhere.

• 12:50Jessie Ware?

  That's great.

• 12:50Speaker 05

  But it's good. That's the thing I love about Kofu is because I, I never thought I'd be that person that went back to the same place every year on holiday. But I go there because I've got kids, like six. She is between them. They both love it.

• 13:00Speaker 04

  And they know it.

• 13:01Speaker 05

  They know it. And I can walk into a restaurant and know I'm gonna get good food. Great. I don't have to, I don't have to worry.

• 13:07Speaker 06

  And I've said this before, when I, I, when in the early days of our friendship, I didn't know how popular, you know, Kofu was for you and all the people.

• 13:16Speaker 05

  I was gonna say I was.

• 13:17Speaker 06

  No. But when you go in the, but when you go in all the tavernas, there's a statue of the Virgin Mary and her in a bikini.

• 13:29Speaker 06

  It's like, and then I went there, you know Amanda, you know, when we were filming, people would come over, you know Amanda, Amanda, your friend. Like this, yes, yes.

• 13:37Speaker 05

  Your very strength is completely reversed now. I can't go anywhere without talk, everyone talking to me about traitors. Yeah.

• 13:42Speaker 04

  I know.

• 13:43Speaker 05

  You should show them what I just got you.

• 13:45Speaker 06

  Oh, it's in your handbag.

• 13:46Speaker 05

  In your handbag. I just, it's a real, it's not expensive, so it might be terrible, but I just bought Alan.

• 13:53Speaker 06

  Do you know what someone got me for Christmas? The Traitors Board Game. I mean, that, come on, please. It was so triggering. It was so triggering. Yeah.

• 14:00Speaker 05

  Look at that.

• 14:00Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 14:02Speaker 05

  Corner bottle, white coat, traitor, but it was a really reasonable price.

• 14:05Speaker 04

  Is it your picture?

• 14:06Speaker 06

  No, that's for me. That's for the journey, that's for the journey, Hope.

• 14:12Speaker 05

  But they didn't give him his cloak. He had to go on Amazon like the rest of us. Wouldn't you?

• 14:18Speaker 06

  They wouldn't. I had to get.

• 14:19Speaker 05

  No, it's a little bit. I think the winner should get like a bespoke, heavy duty, well-made green cloak.

• 14:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, and I want the waxed in the thing and also want the portrait.

• 14:31Speaker 05

  What are you gonna do with an Alan Carr portrait?

• 14:33Speaker 04

  Absolutely. Where is that now? The portrait?

• 14:36Speaker 06

  I've asked, but they don't reply.

• 14:38Speaker 05

  No.

• 14:39Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 14:39Speaker 05

  One of the runners has got it up in their handbag.

• 14:40Speaker 04

  We'll have a word.

• 14:41Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, hopefully this will highlight it, Alan.

• 14:45Speaker 04

  We'll have a word, Jessie.

• 14:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, come on, what are you gonna do with an Alan Carr waxed?

• 14:50Speaker 05

  Alan, you play, you played a blinder. Congratulations. It was brilliant.

• 14:54Speaker 04

  I mean, you were a national treasure before, but you are now absolutely adored.

• 14:59Speaker 05

  The crown jewel.

• 15:00Speaker 04

  You'd probably be knighted in the next birthday on.

• 15:03Speaker 05

  I think so. He's waiting on it.

• 15:05Speaker 06

  I know, I do enough for bloody charity.

• 15:10Jessie Ware?

  But, but, in Cassiope in Corfu, he walked down the-

• 15:13Speaker 05

  I love that you call it Cassiope.

• 15:15Jessie Ware?

  What is it?

• 15:16Speaker 05

  I don't know. I mean, I say Cassiope.

• 15:18Jessie Ware?

  But maybe it is that.

• 15:19Speaker 05

  But I think Cassiope makes it sound posher.

• 15:21Jessie Ware?

  No, I think oppa, oppi is oppi. I don't fucking know.

• 15:25Speaker 06

  But we've all got something in common, you know. We've all performed.

• 15:29Jessie Ware?

  Well, I haven't. I missed out because I was doing LA Pride and you all had a big night out and I was gutted and you all went to Illusions.

• 15:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, Illusions is the best.

• 15:38Jessie Ware?

  Well, tell everybody that doesn't know what Illusions is.

• 15:41Speaker 05

  Well, Illusions is one of those bars that sort of shows all the sports during the day and at night it turns into a karaoke bar where you've got props.

• 15:48Speaker 04

  Oh, it's my favourite.

• 15:49Speaker 05

  Everything. Well, it sort of goes from being-

• 15:51Jessie Ware?

  Props?

• 15:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, I wore a pink, when I did, I didn't do it with you. I went with my family and wore pink wigs and all of that and obviously got blind drunk and lived my best life.

• 16:01Jessie Ware?

  What did you say?

• 16:01Speaker 04

  What's your song?

• 16:03Speaker 05

  I always sing Abba. I always sing it. The only time I was ever jealous of you is when you did that Mamma Mia show because that's like my idea of absolute heaven in my favourite place.

• 16:12Jessie Ware?

  It didn't get recommissioned.

• 16:13Speaker 06

  I know, but it was so good. Well, I cried. I cried when they said, I couldn't believe it. A month in Corfu, listening to amazing singers.

• 16:22Jessie Ware?

  You have a joyful job.

• 16:24Speaker 04

  It was a beautiful job.

• 16:25Speaker 05

  They should just put it out again now.

• 16:27Jessie Ware?

  I love this.

• 16:27Speaker 04

  But they've just moved to New York. It's opening on Broadway at the Abba Mamma Mia. So now they're going to have to recast it. So you could go over to-

• 16:36Speaker 05

  Alan?

• 16:36Speaker 06

  That would be amazing.

• 16:38Speaker 05

  Hawaii, Alan.

• 16:39Speaker 06

  Who's the producer woman? What's she called? She said, didn't she? Was you there?

• 16:43Jessie Ware?

  You were gonna be in Three.

• 16:44Speaker 06

  Mamma Mia Three.

• 16:45Speaker 05

  You will be. I would say that's a guarantee you're gonna be in it.

• 16:48Speaker 06

  But not one of the dads because even I can't act that good. But, you know.

• 16:53Speaker 05

  Didn't you say a gay waiter?

• 16:54Speaker 06

  A gay waiter?

• 16:55Speaker 05

  Which would be a stretch.

• 16:58Speaker 06

  Listen, even if I go, hummus, Miss Streep, something like that.

• 17:02Jessie Ware?

  I think you need to go hummus.

• 17:03Speaker 06

  Hummus.

• 17:05Jessie Ware?

  And what was her character name?

• 17:09Jessie Ware?

  Donna.

• 17:10Speaker 06

  Donna Rocco.

• 17:12Jessie Ware?

  So she's dead now, isn't she?

• 17:14Speaker 06

  Never she dead.

• 17:16Speaker 04

  No, Jessie.

• 17:17Speaker 06

  Spoiler alert. I'm never gonna be in Mamma Mia Three now.

• 17:23Speaker 06

  Look at him back as the ghost of Meryl Streep.

• 17:25Jessie Ware?

  Didn't Donna die in the second one?

• 17:27Speaker 06

  No. Yes, how is she, how are they gonna do that?

• 17:30Speaker 05

  They could do it as a ghost.

• 17:32Speaker 06

  It could be a ghost.

• 17:33Jessie Ware?

  It'll be like, Abba Boya.

• 17:36Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 17:37Speaker 05

  My god, you could definitely recast a New York one. There's a show.

• 17:41Speaker 06

  That would be, well, we were thinking Les Mis, going to, um, Les Mis, sorry. Les Mis.

• 17:45Speaker 05

  Les Mis. That's because of that festival you're talking about.

• 17:50Speaker 06

  I'm going to a lesbian festival.

• 17:52Speaker 05

  You live in Mexico.

• 17:52Speaker 06

  I didn't read the small print. Was it called Les Mis? No, it's not called Les Mis.

• 17:59Speaker 06

  No, it's not called Les Mis. Because we don't live in the eighties, do we? It's called, uh, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

• 18:07Jessie Ware?

  Hold on, you're going to a festival in Mexico?

• 18:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, I, okay, my friend Rossi rings me up, you know Rossi. Alan, Alan.

• 18:13Jessie Ware?

  Who's orgasmed every album of mine in one night, has he told me?

• 18:16Speaker 06

  Yes, yes, he makes love.

• 18:18Jessie Ware?

  He told me, I was thrilled, in front of him.

• 18:21Speaker 06

  He said he makes love to her music. And lots of people say that.

• 18:24Jessie Ware?

  Anyway, carry on, so you're going with Rossi?

• 18:27Speaker 06

  Yeah, and he said, do you want some, um, do you want some winter sun? I said, yes. He said, see Matt's playing, love.

• 18:32Jessie Ware?

  Yes.

• 18:32Speaker 06

  Sam Smith, love. Randy Carles, I said, put me down, put me down. So he sent me some footage of it, I went, can't see many men in it. And it's a lesbian festival, and ninety-five percent lesbian, and they're non-binary friends.

• 18:47Jessie Ware?

  Well.

• 18:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, and then I went, fuck, I didn't read the small print. But the headline, it, the title is Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

• 18:53Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 18:54Speaker 06

  The clues were there.

• 18:55Jessie Ware?

  You'll have fun with the girls.

• 18:56Speaker 06

  Of course I will.

• 18:57Jessie Ware?

  You will, but you just may not find love.

• 18:59Speaker 06

  Are you gonna be allowed in, though?

• 19:01Speaker 05

  They'll let Alan in.

• 19:02Speaker 06

  Are you sure?

• 19:03Speaker 05

  Even in Mexico, he's a national treasure, what's makes it Spanish?

• 19:06Speaker 06

  Crater's cloak, crater's cloak and me lantern.

• 19:09Speaker 05

  Could you wear the red one?

• 19:10Speaker 06

  I am and always have been a lesbian.

• 19:19Speaker 06

  But I can't wait. What's of great music. We're gonna have fun. It's an all-inclusive.

• 19:24Speaker 05

  Oh lovely.

• 19:25Speaker 06

  Can't wait.

• 19:25Speaker 05

  Carnage.

• 19:26Jessie Ware?

  Ready?

• 19:27Speaker 06

  Go for it. Oh god.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  Oh wow.

• 19:30Speaker 05

  Let me do mummy first.

• 19:32Speaker 04

  Thank you darling. When are you going to Tulum darling?

• 19:35Speaker 06

  Oh in a, oh next week.

• 19:36Speaker 04

  Oh wow.

• 19:37Speaker 06

  I can't wait.

• 19:38Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 19:39Speaker 06

  It's gonna be so much fun.

• 19:40Speaker 04

  They do yoga on the beach Alan.

• 19:41Speaker 06

  Well I won't be doing that.

• 19:42Speaker 04

  And they run.

• 19:43Speaker 05

  You might wanna do a bit of downward dog. You never know Alan.

• 19:47Speaker 06

  Because you know on the show, Alan and Amanda's, she, behind my back, in a lovely way though, she put me on the apps, the gay apps. And you're a gay ally, but it was an eye-opener for you.

• 19:59Speaker 05

  I was in shock at some of those questions and nothing really shocks me.

• 20:03Speaker 04

  What do you mean gay apps?

• 20:05Speaker 05

  I was trying to.

• 20:05Speaker 04

  In England or Greece?

• 20:06Speaker 06

  In Greece, in Greece.

• 20:08Speaker 05

  It was so graphic.

• 20:10Speaker 04

  Oh like what?

• 20:12Speaker 06

  How, how, how big?

• 20:13Speaker 05

  I had to discuss all of that.

• 20:15Speaker 06

  How big downstairs?

• 20:16Speaker 05

  And I love Alan, but I actually.

• 20:17Speaker 04

  How big?

• 20:18Speaker 05

  I do know bits, but I don't know that much.

• 20:21Speaker 04

  But everyone's going to lie.

• 20:23Speaker 05

  Well.

• 20:24Speaker 04

  They're not gonna say.

• 20:25Speaker 05

  Pictures.

• 20:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh my.

• 20:26Speaker 06

  There was photos of it.

• 20:27Speaker 05

  I was like, it was eye-watering, just the thought of it Alan.

• 20:30Speaker 06

  And she was like, Alan are you a top, power top?

• 20:33Speaker 05

  I'm going bottom.

• 20:33Speaker 06

  Are you a top, Alan?

• 20:35Speaker 05

  Bottom.

• 20:35Speaker 06

  I thought, well this is BBC, I can't go into this. BBC. I said I'm hot pot.

• 20:41Speaker 05

  Exactly. Anything goes I think.

• 20:44Speaker 06

  You can stick anything in it.

• 20:46Speaker 05

  Like Betty from Correlation Street.

• 20:48Speaker 06

  You can stick anything in it.

• 20:52Speaker 05

  That's, was that like Betty's hot pot? Did she do that?

• 20:56Speaker 04

  That looks insane.

• 20:58Jessie Ware?

  So it's Easter Belfry's Celebration Salmon and you kind of confit the salmon and you do like this delicious tomato, lemongrass, ginger, garlic, holy basil, delicious.

• 21:09Speaker 04

  Holy basil?

• 21:10Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 21:11Speaker 05

  What's holy basil?

• 21:12Jessie Ware?

  Just high holy basil.

• 21:13Speaker 04

  Oh, I've never heard of it either darling.

• 21:15Speaker 05

  I thought maybe it was blessed basil.

• 21:16Speaker 04

  Cheers Jessie.

• 21:18Jessie Ware?

  Cheers Lachan.

• 21:19Speaker 05

  Cheers darling.

• 21:20Speaker 04

  Happy New Year Lachan, Happy New Year to everyone, thank you.

• 21:24Jessie Ware?

  Lovely to finally be here.

• 21:25Speaker 04

  It's great to have you.

• 21:27Jessie Ware?

  Um, it's the best, it's the best champagne.

• 21:29Speaker 04

  It's the best.

• 21:30Speaker 05

  It's, I mean, let's put that back in the fridge, because we can't have it for one moment heating up, sorry to vouch.

• 21:36Speaker 06

  We've done our research, we've done our research on Cham. She's so bossy.

• 21:42Speaker 05

  But I think this champagne is actually good for you. I think it is good for you. I think the bubbles oxygenate your blood and make you look younger.

• 21:51Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 21:53Speaker 06

  I'm eighty-seven.

• 21:59Jessie Ware?

  Mum, can you do this, please?

• 22:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, but she's.

• 22:01Jessie Ware?

  You're gonna have an opinion on how I do it, so I just prefer you to do it, please.

• 22:05Speaker 06

  Ah.

• 22:07Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, fine, great, done. So this is sticky rice, coconut sticky rice cake.

• 22:12Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 22:12Jessie Ware?

  So like you have that with this.

• 22:15Speaker 05

  Oh no, you know, it's all.

• 22:17Speaker 06

  So do you a bit, you wanna square, love?

• 22:18Speaker 05

  Please, darling. Oh yes, take that.

• 22:21Speaker 06

  It smells so good.

• 22:23Speaker 05

  This smells and tastes so clean.

• 22:25Speaker 06

  I'm gonna try and eat more salads this year.

• 22:28Speaker 05

  Is that your, I don't believe in resolutions, I just don't believe in them. What is the thing that tastes perfumey in there? Is that the Easter buns? Lemongrass. Lemongrass? This is not, it's sort of like bubble bath.

• 22:41Jessie Ware?

  Oh.

• 22:42Speaker 05

  It's so nice. No, in a nice way.

• 22:45Jessie Ware?

  Really?

• 22:46Speaker 05

  I used to love bubble, eating it when I was a kid in the bath.

• 22:48Jessie Ware?

  Did you like the violet, parma or whatever?

• 22:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, I love parma violet.

• 22:51Jessie Ware?

  Parma violet.

• 22:51Speaker 05

  And I used to eat the bubbles from matey bubble bath. I used to just eat them when I was in the bath, do you know what I mean?

• 22:56Speaker 06

  No.

• 22:57Jessie Ware?

  What's matey bubble bath?

• 22:59Speaker 05

  Tell her what. Matey, it had a little.

• 23:01Speaker 06

  It's like a sailor, it's like a.

• 23:02Speaker 05

  It had a sailor hat cap, didn't it? Oh yeah. And then the bottle, the bottle was like, dressed like a sailor. It was such a treat in the house.

• 23:11Jessie Ware?

  Do you want some lime?

• 23:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm having this in extra, haven't I?

• 23:14Speaker 05

  This is absolutely delicious.

• 23:16Jessie Ware?

  Oh good. The salmon is really nice, right, because it's kind of, it's really slowly, anyway.

• 23:21Speaker 05

  So what time were you up this morning? I got up at five, which I don't think's early.

• 23:26Jessie Ware?

  That's not so bad, that's kind of, you know, a Kardashian wake up.

• 23:29Speaker 05

  God, is it?

• 23:30Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, they wake up.

• 23:30Speaker 05

  Do they do their faces in ice baths and things like that?

• 23:33Jessie Ware?

  Ice bath, trainer.

• 23:34Speaker 05

  I sleep in my lash to knock off ten minutes, so these eyelashes have been on for about twelve years. Just kidding. No, I sleep like I'm in a coffin. You know my friend Jess now, so she, I used to, I have a friend Jess from Oldham, and I've shared a lot of beds with her in hotels, and she say, "You sleep like you're in a coffin." Because I don't move, so my eyelashes stay great, and then I just literally trowel it on and get in a car.

• 23:58Jessie Ware?

  Do you do your makeup?

• 23:58Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 23:59Jessie Ware?

  For the.

• 23:59Speaker 05

  For heart, breakfast, yes.

• 24:01Jessie Ware?

  And then you get him.

• 24:04Speaker 05

  I get in.

• 24:05Jessie Ware?

  Four.

• 24:06Speaker 05

  We're on air at six thirty.

• 24:08Speaker 06

  You get papped, I see that every day.

• 24:10Speaker 05

  Every day I get papped on the way out, we get videoed all day long like this.

• 24:13Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 24:14Speaker 05

  Because when I first got the gig, I was like, brilliant, I can go in my jammies and just be out of there by ten. That never happens.

• 24:20Jessie Ware?

  So what did you have for breakfast this morning, Amanda?

• 24:23Speaker 05

  Well, so I'm speaking my mouth full.

• 24:26Speaker 06

  She loves a boiled egg.

• 24:28Jessie Ware?

  Me too, I love.

• 24:29Speaker 06

  She loves a boiled egg.

• 24:31Speaker 05

  You say that. With salt, rolled in salt.

• 24:33Jessie Ware?

  Mmm. Lots of pepper too.

• 24:35Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 24:36Jessie Ware?

  So antisocial.

• 24:37Speaker 05

  I don't care. When you peel them, everyone thinks you've trumped.

• 24:41Speaker 06

  But she pops a spare one in her handbag, so when she opens it, you say, have you farted?

• 24:46Speaker 05

  Egg, anyone? I did that a lot. I used to take the eggs in Cool Food and Knife for snacks lately.

• 24:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 24:51Jessie Ware?

  Because you're trying to get your protein up? Or just because you love an egg?

• 24:54Speaker 05

  Just because I love an egg and I, yeah, no, because I'd have an egg and a queson.

• 25:00Speaker 05

  But this morning I had not much because I knew I was coming here.

• 25:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, I saved myself. I didn't, I didn't have anything.

• 25:07Speaker 05

  I wanted to save myself.

• 25:08Jessie Ware?

  Neither did I.

• 25:09Speaker 05

  No, this is perfect.

• 25:10Jessie Ware?

  No pressure. Now, I want to talk about your, you know, your singing career. You've also been up for an Olivier, haven't you?

• 25:17Speaker 05

  Yes. Oh, I love you for remembering all these things.

• 25:20Jessie Ware?

  When are we gonna like hear you singing? We were actually, we were actually meant to be label buddies. We were on the same label.

• 25:26Speaker 05

  Oh my gosh.

• 25:27Jessie Ware?

  Yeah. So you, you did, you did an album?

• 25:30Speaker 05

  I did an album in lockdown.

• 25:31Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 25:32Speaker 05

  Which did really well. And I always say, my husband will kill me for this because he will say, just own the fact that it did well. But I always say it did well because everyone was in lockdown, there was no choices.

• 25:42Jessie Ware?

  They sort of enforced it, love it.

• 25:44Speaker 05

  Amanda, listen, my album did really well in lockdown too.

• 25:48Jessie Ware?

  Shush, no it didn't.

• 25:50Speaker 05

  Well then, what's the phenomenon about lockdown? Because everyone was listening to everything anyway.

• 25:55Speaker 06

  I released an album, no one fucking bought it.

• 25:58Speaker 04

  Can I ask a burning question? You two aren't going to present strictly together.

• 26:02Speaker 06

  No, we said no ages ago.

• 26:06Jessie Ware?

  It's him busy baby. Okay, when Chatty Man comes?

• 26:09Speaker 06

  Oh, everyone, that was another clickbait thing during traitors.

• 26:14Jessie Ware?

  But why don't we just bring it back? It was so fantastic.

• 26:17Speaker 05

  It's the best and he was the best. You need your chat show back.

• 26:21Speaker 06

  A chat show? It'd be nice to do a chat show. Yeah, I don't know, I don't know. But yeah, I read them and all Chatty Man's got, but no one's approached me or anything.

• 26:29Speaker 04

  So what would you love to do? Now you are in completely a national treasure. You can do anything. So what show would you like to do, Alan?

• 26:38Speaker 06

  I don't know, I've kind of done it all.

• 26:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:40Speaker 06

  No, no, that sounds wanky, but I have. Got me sitcom.

• 26:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:45Speaker 06

  I do a show with me bestie May. I do my own interior design show. I've got me, you know.

• 26:50Speaker 04

  So what's next?

• 26:51Speaker 06

  I don't know, maybe a film.

• 26:53Speaker 04

  Astronaut?

• 26:54Speaker 06

  Astronaut, OnlyFans. There you go.

• 26:57Speaker 05

  There would be a market for that.

• 26:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, well, imagine the sickos.

• 27:00Jessie Ware?

  Which bit would you show?

• 27:02Speaker 06

  My feet. I've got lovely feet.

• 27:03Speaker 05

  I keep thinking we should do feet. Because you can earn a fortune.

• 27:06Jessie Ware?

  Have you got really good feet?

• 27:07Speaker 05

  No, my husband says I look lovely till I get to me ankles. And then he says my feet are like, like little wool sausages that have been hit with a mallet.

• 27:16Speaker 06

  I'm not surprised with the shoes you wear.

• 27:18Speaker 05

  Yeah. Ever heard anything like it?

• 27:20Speaker 06

  So you've got lovely feet.

• 27:21Speaker 05

  Thank you, Alan.

• 27:22Jessie Ware?

  Have you, have you got Funyuns?

• 27:23Speaker 05

  No.

• 27:24Jessie Ware?

  Oh, so you might like to pick Tori Beckham's.

• 27:26Speaker 05

  Have a look under the table.

• 27:27Jessie Ware?

  You've not had to.

• 27:27Speaker 06

  Please don't, please don't put your feet on the bad burpins.

• 27:31Speaker 05

  Being really mean.

• 27:32Jessie Ware?

  I think Chris is, I think it's time to move in with Alan.

• 27:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, I love your feet. I'd give you a toe job every night.

• 27:39Speaker 05

  A toe job.

• 27:42Speaker 05

  That'll be the headline in the Daily Mail.

• 27:44Speaker 06

  Oh God, there we go. Sick Alan sucks Amanda's toe. Horrified.

• 27:50Speaker 05

  For charity.

• 27:50Speaker 06

  For charity, yeah.

• 27:52Jessie Ware?

  I mean, you are filthy, both of you. And the fact that it's so politely PG, that lovely show that you, like, I mean, how?

• 28:00Speaker 06

  Well, it's like a pantomime. There's something for the mums and dads and the kids.

• 28:04Speaker 05

  It goes over the heads.

• 28:06Jessie Ware?

  It does definitely go over the heads, but I do feel like you could do a late night one, too. Like, there could be an after-hours one.

• 28:12Speaker 05

  Do you know what they do? In a couple of weeks or whatever, they will release, and it's amazing that the BBC actually let us do it, but they release all the bloopers.

• 28:20Jessie Ware?

  That's brilliant, yeah.

• 28:21Speaker 05

  Which are really mad and naughty. And they just put them, iPlayer put them out there. And it's everywhere.

• 28:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:28Speaker 05

  And that's.

• 28:29Speaker 06

  We have such a laugh.

• 28:30Speaker 05

  But we've also got an amazing team, who we say, without, and they've been the same team for all this time.

• 28:36Speaker 06

  And that lovely, when they come back, that is such a pat on the back.

• 28:39Speaker 05

  It's a relief, it's a relief because they look after us.

• 28:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:53Speaker 00

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• 29:22Speaker 02

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• 29:57Jessie Ware?

  I'm trying to add some structure to this episode because it's already been derailed. And I love it.

• 30:04Speaker 05

  This is a renovation episode.

• 30:07Jessie Ware?

  I love it. It's fab.

• 30:08Speaker 05

  And he's underpinning.

• 30:09Speaker 06

  We can rebuild your podcast.

• 30:11Jessie Ware?

  Thank you. Thank you so much, Alan Carr.

• 30:13Speaker 06

  I think the foundations need a bit of work, but anyway.

• 30:20Speaker 06

  Joking.

• 30:21Jessie Ware?

  It's fine, darling.

• 30:22Speaker 05

  Amanda, a childhood memory of like a dinner scene around the table, who was cooking? What were you eating? Well.

• 30:29Speaker 06

  Is Judith a good cook?

• 30:30Speaker 05

  My mum's a good cook, Judith. She's fab. My mum's lovely. And I think that's the biggest thing that I've tried to instil into my family is sitting around the table, at least on a Sunday. Okay. So it will always be a Sunday roast. That's, I know probably hundreds of your guests have said that, but I'm, I'm good at doing Sunday roasts. My roast potato, I've got a secret ingredient for my gravy. Come on. I can't. Oh, secret. But it does involve alcohol. But it's not wine.

• 30:58Speaker 06

  But sometimes you, um.

• 30:59Speaker 05

  Sherry.

• 31:00Speaker 06

  Sometimes you serve the Sunday dinner naked.

• 31:02Speaker 05

  Oh. I cook it naked. Oh. Only because, you know, on the cusp between winter and summer, where you have to give up the roast dinners and turn it into a barbecue? Yeah. There was one Sunday.

• 31:14Speaker 06

  A lovely, like, taking your clothes off, making a Sunday roast is like something everyone does. You know, that time when clothes have to come off as.

• 31:25Speaker 06

  Said no one ever.

• 31:26Speaker 05

  Go on. It's true. And it's like around sort of May, June. Yeah. Where you think, I can squeeze one more Sunday roast out and you've got everything done. And my whole family moan about a Sunday roast, but I make them have it. And then this one particular Sunday, it was boiling hot. So I did just strip off. Oh. And cook everything naked. My children see me naked all the time. I didn't eat naked. Have you got girls? Yeah. Not boys? No. No, they're. Girls. I did worry. My husband enjoyed it. They were all in the garden. Jessie, you've been naked all your life.

• 32:00Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, I understand.

• 32:00Speaker 05

  I like being naked.

• 32:03Speaker 05

  No, get it.

• 32:04Jessie Ware?

  No.

• 32:04Speaker 05

  No, maybe it is, yeah. I, I always don't mind being naked. I don't mind at all.

• 32:10Jessie Ware?

  Free and easy, baby.

• 32:11Speaker 05

  Yeah. So. You would have a bath when everyone needs a wee?

• 32:15Jessie Ware?

  I'd have a poo.

• 32:16Speaker 05

  Well, my husband says that. My husband's like having a shower and then I'm having a wee and it turns into a poo and he's like, why do you choose this moment? Because I feel so relaxed in front of you.

• 32:26Jessie Ware?

  Yes, yes.

• 32:27Speaker 05

  I'm a bit offended, because.

• 32:28Jessie Ware?

  You've never pooed in front of Alan.

• 32:29Speaker 05

  I'm offended because you've never done that in front of me. How does that make me feel as your TV husband?

• 32:33Jessie Ware?

  Series five, babe.

• 32:34Speaker 05

  Oh, well, the amount of umbrellas you've held up across Europe. I know. So I could have a pee behind them. And maybe I'll have a dump in the next series.

• 32:44Speaker 05

  Something for everyone to look forward to. Do you know where you're going next?

• 32:47Speaker 06

  You know, our dream is to do Japan because their birth rate is slowing down. Well, actually, I think it's going. And they, there's so many houses empty because they believe, also because of the rates and of everything, the birth rate. But also they believe that the ghost of their ancestors is in that house, so they have to be loyal to it. And if they move, then they're leaving their relatives behind. So when people leave a house, it's got, no, I don't want to move in there. That's not my house, you know? So I think, but we're so busy. How can we film in Japan? But we've, we took serious time off, spent a lot of time over there, but you're on hard. I've got all these other bits and bobs happening, so.

• 33:26Jessie Ware?

  What other bits and bobs, Alan?

• 33:27Speaker 05

  Jessie, Jessie, is this a dry house?

• 33:31Jessie Ware?

  Okay, now, listen.

• 33:32Speaker 05

  Do we go for the Pinot Noir?

• 33:33Jessie Ware?

  I think you've instructed.

• 33:34Speaker 05

  It's organic.

• 33:35Jessie Ware?

  I'm obsessed with Amanda because.

• 33:39Speaker 05

  Right.

• 33:39Jessie Ware?

  I've met my match, Mum.

• 33:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:42Jessie Ware?

  Do you order for the table as well?

• 33:43Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 33:44Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 33:44Speaker 05

  Because it's easier. I can't be doing with everyone doing their bits and bobs. I'm like, let's just, you're going to love this. Have this.

• 33:51Speaker 06

  I can see, I see Amanda and Jessie's Japanese job.

• 33:56Speaker 06

  I'll be sitting, I know it as worryingly. I'm sitting there going, oh, watch a little Netflix on or BBC. Oh, wow.

• 34:05Speaker 06

  Alan who? We can sing the theme tune.

• 34:06Jessie Ware?

  Oh my god, it's in the theatre!

• 34:10Speaker 06

  Alan's like this, taxi! But also, I'm going on tour.

• 34:15Jessie Ware?

  Yeah!

• 34:17Speaker 06

  No, no, I don't need, do you know what? Is it, are you sold out? Yes, it's sold out.

• 34:22Jessie Ware?

  Oh my god!

• 34:23Speaker 06

  Of course it is, must have been. I welled up yesterday. You do have friends and family tickets, don't you? Yeah, yeah, oh god, yes. Oh, you'll come. I mean, I have to take some of the bits out about you, so it might be quite a short show.

• 34:32Jessie Ware?

  Oh no, don't!

• 34:33Speaker 06

  Oh, here she is farting, it's the human bagpipes, Amanda Hodge.

• 34:37Speaker 04

  Alan, Alan, where are you playing in London?

• 34:40Speaker 06

  At the Palladium. It's amazing, it's gorgeous.

• 34:44Jessie Ware?

  Congratulations!

• 34:45Speaker 06

  Oh, I know, I know, I'm buzzing.

• 34:46Speaker 04

  How long is the tour, though? It's a lot.

• 34:48Speaker 06

  It's a lot. You do have to park a lot of things and just concentrate on the tour, because I've done it where I've done all the TV and the tour, and you ju- this goes. You can't, and I've said this to you before. And I know people go, it's over an hour and a half on stage, but my god, I'm nerves, adrenaline. Of course. Can't sleep, you know, da-da-da, so I'm gonna...

• 35:05Speaker 04

  Is it the same tour manager, your friend?

• 35:07Speaker 06

  Elliot, yes, yeah, he'll be coming on tour with me, I love Elliot and stuff, so...

• 35:11Jessie Ware?

  You know, you said you welled up, is it because you didn't believe that you could, I mean, because, do you...

• 35:16Speaker 06

  Well, the people take the time, and I know, like, money is tight. Sorry.

• 35:22Jessie Ware?

  Fucking hell.

• 35:24Speaker 06

  And as a performer, yay, the wine's open!

• 35:29Speaker 06

  What do you want now?

• 35:30Speaker 04

  Shall I taste it first, Alan, just to make sure it's all right?

• 35:33Speaker 06

  Well, just, you're gonna accept it anyway, but just pretend. Is that, madam?

• 35:37Jessie Ware?

  Do you, how do you do your wine tasting?

• 35:39Speaker 06

  An inch in the bottom, is that what you want?

• 35:41Speaker 04

  Please sniff it up. Make sure the cork isn't...

• 35:44Speaker 06

  An inch in the bottom. Would you like an inch in the bottom?

• 35:49Speaker 06

  Would you like an inch in the bottom? I love an inch in the bottom, darling. Okay, I never know how much an inch is.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  Oh gosh, no wonder you're on that website, thank you.

• 36:04Speaker 06

  That website, it's a dating app. Don't make out some kind of sexual deed.

• 36:08Speaker 05

  It's terrifying.

• 36:09Jessie Ware?

  Thank you.

• 36:10Speaker 05

  This is delicious. I'm not, we're not going to ignore the fact, we were just talking about your tour. You're so self-deprecating.

• 36:16Jessie Ware?

  This is lovely. Is this one of your favourites too?

• 36:18Speaker 05

  No, I literally, I wanted a Pinot Noir. Because I wanted it to be thin, because it's lunchtime. And I thought organic would be easier for us.

• 36:27Jessie Ware?

  I don't usually like Pinot Noir, but I like that.

• 36:29Speaker 05

  Me neither.

• 36:29Speaker 06

  I like a Malbec.

• 36:30Speaker 05

  There's body to it. I love a Malbec.

• 36:33Jessie Ware?

  I don't like Malbec. I feel like you have it in a pub and hate yourself.

• 36:37Speaker 05

  It's a bit peppery.

• 36:38Jessie Ware?

  Sorry.

• 36:38Speaker 05

  Can you just, I've got less than an inch in my bottom.

• 36:42Speaker 06

  Oh, we can't be having that.

• 36:43Speaker 05

  I could do, you know. Donny, I could do with another inch. Oh my god, I love another inch.

• 36:50Jessie Ware?

  Come on, Lenny, just look at her.

• 36:51Speaker 06

  I wish I'd never said that joke now, even I'm blushing. I want more than an inch in my bottom.

• 36:56Jessie Ware?

  Don't get it on your low though, don't get it on your low.

• 36:58Speaker 05

  We're talking about your tour. I'm not going to let you divert.

• 37:02Speaker 06

  No, no, no, it's just cost of living crisis, da, da, da, da. But people are taking the time to buy and come and see you live, which is lovely. That's good.

• 37:10Speaker 05

  It's lovely. And what I'm pleased about is, and we've had this conversation, is that you're actually going to concentrate on one thing at once.

• 37:17Speaker 06

  I know, I know.

• 37:18Speaker 05

  We're the same in that we sort of, we do say no, but you say yes, because you've got that mentality. Because we're from working class backgrounds, you have to keep working, keep making the money, keep, I don't know, just keep going. And when we have a day off, I feel like, oh my god, and I clean out a wardrobe or a drawer and you do the same thing. And you feel like it's all going to end if you've got a day off. So it's good for you to have a full day and then go and do the show.

• 37:42Speaker 06

  And that's what I was going to say earlier with the champagne and me being serious for a little bit. You know, you do read in the media about, oh, you know, working class voices on telly and stuff. We are those people, but.

• 37:51Speaker 05

  I sound posh, but I'm not.

• 37:53Speaker 06

  She's not.

• 37:53Speaker 05

  I'm from a house.

• 37:54Speaker 06

  You've just been burping in it.

• 37:57Speaker 06

  I, people think I'm posh.

• 37:59Speaker 05

  They do think I'm posh. And prior, I went to a comprehensive in a tiny village and my mum and dad, they all talk like that. I went to, I lived in Hampshire in a, in a small village called Bishopswaltham, and the school was called Swanmore Secondary School.

• 38:14Jessie Ware?

  Let's talk about Alan.

• 38:16Speaker 06

  Then I was in Northampton. We know that. Yeah, I know. Are we on the third series of Changing Heads? Yeah, third series, yeah. It's lovely. It's brilliant. Especially because you've written this one. The boys BAFTA nominated, he won a role television award. Fabulous. Isn't it funny, he came back and, you know, when you've written it and he is so tall.

• 38:37Jessie Ware?

  Voice has dropped?

• 38:38Speaker 06

  His voice dropped, his voice sounds like me and on set, he would be going, "Oh, I'll have a nice cup of tea", and be like, Alan, they didn't know if it was me or him. So this series three and four, which we filmed already, he sounds just like me. He's got that biting point, you know, where my voice goes up and down and stuff. It's when you go from your chest to your head, isn't it?

• 38:59Jessie Ware?

  Well, absolutely, Amanda.

• 39:01Speaker 06

  You know, it was a story about me, but anyway, that's fine.

• 39:06Jessie Ware?

  Now, listen, I wonder how we do Last Supper, whether we combine or whether you are very decisive on what you would be your last supper. I can't remember what your last supper was because I was drunk last time we talked about this. But Alan, can you think about a last supper? Amanda? Start a main, put drink of choice, I think I know the drink of drink. Drink would always just be the ruin art for all of it.

• 39:27Speaker 06

  And I like a prawn cocktail. I like a prawn cocktail. That's nice, prawn cocktail and lasagna for main. Lasagna? Yeah, yeah. Why?

• 39:36Jessie Ware?

  It's layered.

• 39:37Speaker 06

  Is it layered? Like me, like me, it's layered. When you go to Italy, they don't eat lasagna, do they? You order lasagna in Italy and they look at you like, huh? Yeah. Can I just say for the record that my mum is a great cook? Because I said in another interview that Aunt Bessie was actually my real mum. And she got pissed. It's a good gag. My mum went, "Oh, Aunt Bessie's here." I went, "Oh, you read the article."

• 40:03Speaker 06

  Alan, what did your mum cook that was fabulous? Well, ba ba, my mum, my mum, Hartie Fair.

• 40:08Speaker 05

  Hartie Fair. That would also be a good drag name.

• 40:12Speaker 06

  Harty Cat, Liz. Um, yeah, all like that, you know, spaghetti bolognese, eighties child, you know what I mean? It was all of that. And then when Cross and Blackwell, do you remember them? They brought out those sachets.

• 40:24Speaker 05

  I know.

• 40:25Speaker 06

  Went round the world.

• 40:27Speaker 05

  Oh, I remember having pasta for the first time and exotic sauces. I remember my nan went to Greece and then the whole family made moussaka. Cause I became vegetarian at thirteen, but before that I ate meat. But we had moussaka and that was like, oh my god. What is this? You'd never eat meat? No. So what do you have for your, oh, you do. No, no, I never do. I do, I do a Linda McCartney country filled pie. Or I just don't bother and I have millions of vegetables. Okay. And what do you, what would you cook for your family? Oh, I cook them meat. I stuffed tur, I put my hands in a turkey.

• 40:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, my friend Cherry is a vegetarian. She, her family are all like that and she, she stuffs the turkey.

• 41:04Speaker 05

  Anyone wants to eat, they'll have it at my house. I'm not precious. Mm-hmm. I'm not precious like that. I'll cook it, eat it, you know, touch it, whatever you need. What did you do for New Year's Eve?

• 41:17Speaker 06

  The best.

• 41:18Speaker 05

  Oh, were you together?

• 41:19Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 41:21Speaker 05

  Oh, of course. Just Chris get a bit jealous. He did mention it a couple of times.

• 41:26Speaker 06

  There, there was, there was a funny moment, um, where we had last Christmas, we didn't spend Christmas at New Year's Eve together, but we spent that time in between. And we were going through Covent Garden with our family and then there was that gorgeous Christmas tree in Covent Garden. She said, oh, let's have a photo. She threw the camera at Chris and me and her are like this with her children.

• 41:49Speaker 06

  But he's got, he's got such a good sense of humor.

• 41:52Speaker 05

  Chris is the funniest man alive. What does he do? He is a music producer and now, and now a manager. He's brilliant, but he's very funny. He's very funny.

• 42:03Speaker 06

  And then we did a photo at New Year's Eve where she deliberately cut him out. We're holding hands and he's just.

• 42:08Speaker 05

  And you can just see Chris's shoulder in the side of it. I was like, me and my husband, oh whoops. Manager, what did you have a party? I mean, this sounds, last year, we decided to hire a castle.

• 42:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:21Speaker 05

  Oh. Between us.

• 42:25Speaker 05

  Was before all the traitors madness and everything else. It sounds really dead posh, but there was twenty two of us.

• 42:32Speaker 06

  Everyone chipped in.

• 42:33Speaker 05

  Everyone chipped in. We did Highland Games, we had a Kayleigh, we did the dressing of the haggard.

• 42:41Speaker 05

  Scotland is the place to be on New Year's Eve. Really? It's amazing. Okay.

• 42:44Speaker 06

  The classic Amanda, three days up there and then she's like, Kayleigh, disco, you know, organising. Highland Games, playing the bagpipes, welly wanging. She just had it all planned. And you know when you're a bit like, I just want like a downtime, but you know, it was so much fun. And I was good at tossing the keber.

• 43:03Speaker 05

  Yes, he tossed it and it landed at twelve o'clock.

• 43:06Speaker 06

  And it's not how far you throw the keber, did you know that? It's whether it lands twelve.

• 43:13Speaker 05

  Alan's keber always lands at twelve.

• 43:15Speaker 06

  Lands at mine did land at twelve.

• 43:18Speaker 05

  Like that. Straightest thing about him.

• 43:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. My keber.

• 43:25Speaker 05

  What is a keber actually?

• 43:26Speaker 06

  It's like a big log.

• 43:27Speaker 05

  Yeah. But, oh, but.

• 43:28Speaker 06

  And then poor old Lee, poor old Lee was getting a lot of grief from the Scottish man, weren't he?

• 43:32Speaker 05

  I know.

• 43:33Speaker 06

  Oh, I bet you've had your hands round a log like that before. Try and be straight like this.

• 43:37Speaker 05

  Although he was from Scotland, he wasn't northern.

• 43:40Speaker 06

  I don't know why I do that.

• 43:42Speaker 05

  But it was, I'm gonna say it was the best New Year's Eve I've ever had. Did you have music? Yes, we did Kayleigh dancing. Oh, you didn't have like disco? And then we had a. You featured, you were on our playlist. And we, because we were all allowed to choose whatever we wanted and in between they had this playlist that we'd curated. It was amazing.

• 44:02Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:03Speaker 05

  This sounds great. It was honestly the best. And then at midnight, they rang the bells and we went on to the turret. And we watched all the fireworks across Edinburgh and the flag was flying in. And we just felt really emotional and you go, I love you. I love you, Chris. But I love you, Alan.

• 44:19Speaker 06

  We're definitely gonna do it again. But the funny thing is, we asked, oh, can we have some fireworks? And I think they sort of knew that we were like, you know, a bit. So they made this excuse, oh, it's, it's near the airport, we can't. I thought Catherine wheel ain't gonna bring down a jumbo jet now.

• 44:35Speaker 06

  I think, I think.

• 44:36Speaker 05

  You never know, don't write in.

• 44:39Speaker 06

  No, really, no, I mean, I think they thought, oh, all right. But no, it was just, and do you know what as well? January the first was just as fun.

• 44:48Speaker 05

  Oh, really?

• 44:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, we went to a restaurant there.

• 44:50Speaker 05

  We went to this restaurant.

• 44:52Speaker 06

  Scott, Scott's down in Queens.

• 44:54Speaker 05

  We should give them in Queens Ferry. And they opened for us after, and, and again, we had dancing.

• 45:00Speaker 06

  Gorgeous food.

• 45:01Speaker 05

  Organised this, does Amanda organise this?

• 45:03Speaker 06

  You didn't organise.

• 45:04Speaker 05

  But I'm gonna just give you a world exclusive.

• 45:07Jessie Ware?

  Oh.

• 45:08Speaker 05

  That I haven't even sent to Alan, because I thought, I don't know if he wanna hear it.

• 45:12Jessie Ware?

  Oh.

• 45:12Speaker 05

  But this is Alan.

• 45:14Jessie Ware?

  She's booked it for 2020.

• 45:15Speaker 05

  On New Year's Day, singing with the entertainers.

• 45:22Speaker 06

  God.

• 45:33Speaker 05

  Alan's the deeper voice.

• 45:35Speaker 06

  But then I can go up and down, it's bungee jumps.

• 45:38Speaker 05

  Isn't that fun?

• 45:38Speaker 06

  Look at that.

• 45:39Jessie Ware?

  Amazing.

• 45:40Speaker 06

  And I can't actually, I can't actually remember that.

• 45:46Jessie Ware?

  Are you ready for some pudding?

• 45:47Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:48Jessie Ware?

  Hundred percent. Right, okay.

• 45:49Speaker 06

  Well, this looks calorific, love.

• 45:51Speaker 05

  No, it doesn't.

• 45:52Jessie Ware?

  It's delicious and it's gonna pep you up, because it's a bit of coffee in there, so.

• 45:56Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 45:56Jessie Ware?

  There you go. It's, um, how do you make this? It's no churn cappuccino ice cream with Ferrero Rocher. And to be honest, I need, I had so many Ferrero Rocher from Christmas, it's been helped.

• 46:06Speaker 05

  You are spoiling her.

• 46:09Jessie Ware?

  They are the best gift to get. I'm sorry, I love it. When somebody gives me Ferrero Rocher, I'm like, wow.

• 46:14Speaker 05

  Or a panettone.

• 46:15Jessie Ware?

  I've got, somebody's getting panettone bread and butter pudding in the weekend.

• 46:19Speaker 05

  Yes, I'm gonna do it. I've got a chocolate panettone and I was thinking I could make that.

• 46:23Jessie Ware?

  That weekend, exactly. Right, let me just see, because I've had it, oh, for fuck's sake, it's always so fucking hard. Shall I get it out?

• 46:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:31Jessie Ware?

  Shall I get it out?

• 46:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:34Speaker 06

  Can I say, I think Terry's chocolate oranges are getting smaller. I've said it. It should be Terry's chocolate Satsuma, if you ask me.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  I've got no taste.

• 46:44Speaker 05

  Controversial.

• 46:45Speaker 06

  I know, sorry. I said what I said.

• 46:48Speaker 04

  Is that one of your favourites? I love it.

• 46:50Speaker 06

  But for me, even though I've got, even though I've got these teeth.

• 46:53Speaker 04

  Oh, matchstick, yeah.

• 46:54Speaker 05

  I like a matchstick at Christmas.

• 46:55Speaker 06

  Matchmaker.

• 46:56Speaker 04

  Matchmaker, yeah.

• 46:57Speaker 06

  Orange or mint?

• 46:59Speaker 05

  Mint, mint.

• 47:00Speaker 06

  Because mint, you don't really have to brush your teeth in the morning, do you?

• 47:05Speaker 05

  Don't try that at home, children. So, Alan, you might choose a prawn cocktail. I would, but I would also choose a sparguus with hollandaise. I really liked that as a starter.

• 47:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:18Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 47:19Speaker 05

  With an egg. I like anything with an egg on. Amanda, you're talking my language. An egg running into a salad or anything.

• 47:25Speaker 04

  I've had sparguus with hollandaise for a hundred years. It's not, you don't get it normally now.

• 47:30Speaker 05

  It's very retro.

• 47:31Speaker 04

  It's retro, isn't it?

• 47:32Speaker 05

  Okay, so you've seen it and seen it in like.

• 47:34Speaker 06

  Is Lysanna a bit too boring?

• 47:36Speaker 05

  No, I know.

• 47:37Speaker 06

  I should say something out.

• 47:38Speaker 05

  It's relatable, Alan.

• 47:39Speaker 06

  I know. Who wants to be relatable?

• 47:41Speaker 05

  I'm, I say the same thing. I go pasta pesto.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 47:46Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 47:46Speaker 06

  That's boring. Don't you know, Anne, that you're gonna be dead?

• 47:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, I fucking love, I love pasta pesto.

• 47:54Speaker 04

  Do you?

• 47:55Speaker 05

  Fresh pesto. I make it at home, but I make it with broccoli.

• 47:59Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 47:59Speaker 05

  Which sounds a bit like I'm trying to sneak vegetables into my children's diet. Oh, but it's so. I steam the broccoli and then I whizz it up with loads of everything and like a whole thing of parmesan and pie and nuts and garlic and everything. It is unbelievable. And I would want to be happy. And I would want the memories, I think it was my last meal. With loads of shavings of pesto and a side of rocket, of parmesan and a side of rocket. So, is anyone gonna want any more of this, by the way? Otherwise I'm gonna put it in the freezer. Do you want a little spoon, another spoonful?

• 48:30Speaker 06

  Oh, I'll have one more spoon.

• 48:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, come on. I am as well. Well, you can have as much as you want, by the way.

• 48:34Speaker 04

  Alan, when you're away, will you ring her? Will you check in while you're away on holiday?

• 48:39Speaker 05

  We don't, we will text. Like, when he's in Mexico, I will try and leave him alone.

• 48:43Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 48:44Speaker 05

  But I will text or send him something funny.

• 48:46Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 48:47Speaker 05

  And he might send me something stupid on the bill, like, whatever he's up to, he might send me something silly. He's gonna send you lots of pictures of lesbians by the sound. I would look forward to that. I actually would love to go to a lesbian festival. I'd have so much fun. Girls just wanna have fun down there.

• 49:00Speaker 06

  I mean, it's gonna be so much fun. I can't wait. And also, and I love C-Mat as well.

• 49:05Speaker 05

  She's amazing.

• 49:06Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 49:06Speaker 05

  I love Sam. They're so good.

• 49:08Speaker 06

  Yeah. What was I gonna say then? But we have, because we are so indiscreet, me and Amanda, we have an unwritten rule that we never leave voice notes.

• 49:17Speaker 05

  In case.

• 49:18Speaker 06

  Because you never know it's gonna get hooked up to, or why is the system, you know, where some freak of nature, where we've got gossip. I've got gossip. That's what we sort of say. And then we say it face to face, because I can't trust a voice note.

• 49:32Speaker 05

  And you love a voice note. If Alan loves a voice note, don't I? Sometimes I'll see that a voice note's come and I'll go, I'm gonna listen to this at home. I'm gonna take this home. And I'll say to Alan, I'm gonna listen to this at home. And then he'll go, no, it's okay, you can listen to it. And I'll go, okay, fine. And it's just about.

• 49:49Speaker 06

  But this is, this is in the ad break.

• 49:50Speaker 05

  I want to be on this fucking WhatsApp group.

• 49:52Speaker 06

  No, but this is in that break on Heart.

• 49:55Speaker 05

  This is on, like, when I'm live on air.

• 49:58Speaker 06

  Somewhere.

• 49:59Speaker 05

  If I say, if I dared to say to a producer, I've got a voice note from Alan, they're like, let's do it next. And I'm like.

• 50:04Speaker 04

  So, have you got any good gossip today?

• 50:07Speaker 05

  Alan's the one. Uh, actually.

• 50:10Speaker 06

  I've got only gossip.

• 50:11Speaker 05

  Where do you get your gossip from?

• 50:12Speaker 06

  I make it up.

• 50:16Speaker 06

  It's the best. It's organic.

• 50:17Speaker 05

  In the industry, I think we're both known for being gossips. But at the same time, we're both secret holders.

• 50:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, I trust her with, um, when I came out the traitors, I told her everything.

• 50:31Speaker 05

  He went, I'm out. I signed an NDA. Do you wanna know or not? And I went.

• 50:41Speaker 05

  I wanna know, Alan.

• 50:43Speaker 06

  Did anyone have children, my mum and dad, my brother?

• 50:46Speaker 05

  I didn't speak and I love gossip and I didn't.

• 50:50Jessie Ware?

  You had to be good.

• 50:51Speaker 05

  Because I was so terrified, I didn't want to get him into any trouble.

• 50:53Jessie Ware?

  No.

• 50:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 50:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:55Speaker 06

  But yeah, we, yeah, well, I had to offload, it's so intense and it's no phone, no laptop.

• 51:01Speaker 04

  Claudia gorgeous.

• 51:02Speaker 06

  I love Claudia.

• 51:02Speaker 05

  We love Claudia, both of us are obsessed with Claudia.

• 51:05Speaker 06

  But you, but you know, in the castle, you know, she keeps herself to herself, which you have to because you can't. And when you see her, she'll give you a cheeky little smile, but it's not like, she's not going, oh Alan, what, you know, how you doing?

• 51:15Speaker 05

  How many days were you there?

• 51:17Jessie Ware?

  It's three weeks.

• 51:19Speaker 05

  Fuck off.

• 51:19Speaker 06

  I was there three weeks and of course, um.

• 51:22Speaker 05

  I couldn't do it, I couldn't do it.

• 51:24Speaker 06

  And of course.

• 51:25Speaker 05

  I'd be awful.

• 51:25Speaker 06

  And of course, um, I've got in my diary, you know, you've got your diary and I rang up my agent, I said, oh, you know, I'm doing traitors. Um, you've got something in the first week on the first day. He went, well, you're gonna be out. He said you'll be out. He said you're.

• 51:38Speaker 05

  Did you fire your fucking agent?

• 51:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, you're, you're Mr. Motor Mouth, you ain't gonna be in there with your fucking big mouth, you're gonna be out, ah, ah, ah, like that. And then the dog walker, looking after the dogs, I had to keep ringing her up to say.

• 51:49Speaker 05

  Oh my god, so.

• 51:49Speaker 06

  Oh, sorry, can you just stay for another week because I just thought I'd be out. And then, and then when I laughed on the steps and went, I am.

• 52:00Speaker 06

  I, I went, I went home and packed because I went, I'm going home tomorrow. And then I'm round the round table, Nick, Cam, what do I have to do?

• 52:10Speaker 05

  Stop being nice.

• 52:13Jessie Ware?

  Do you need a cup of tea now?

• 52:14Speaker 06

  I would love a cup of tea.

• 52:15Jessie Ware?

  Do you want more alcohol?

• 52:18Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 52:18Speaker 06

  I'd like, I'd have more alcohol and a cup of tea.

• 52:20Speaker 05

  I'll have two fingers.

• 52:22Jessie Ware?

  Two fingers.

• 52:23Speaker 05

  That's what I always say.

• 52:24Speaker 04

  Two fingers, darling.

• 52:27Speaker 06

  Is any, is any of this usable? Is any of this usable?

• 52:30Speaker 04

  My dad used to always say one, my, my mom used to say one finger of whiskey.

• 52:34Speaker 05

  Oh my god, I'm the only person, I say two fingers, everybody looks at me and I'm like, what?

• 52:39Jessie Ware?

  Because you're filthy, so.

• 52:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, that, that's why they look at you.

• 52:42Speaker 05

  I want two fingers or two farmer's fingers.

• 52:45Speaker 06

  And, and she's serving up the Sunday roast naked, I love two fingers, why are you looking at me?

• 52:53Speaker 05

  Two farmers' fingers. Two farmers' fingers. So when do you film Britain's Got Talent? Is that in the summer? Oh, we've, no, we filmed it, it's in the bag. So we filmed it in October and all the auditions go out in like March, April. And then the live shows start in April for a month, six weeks in April. Do you still love it?

• 53:18Speaker 05

  I'm not joking, it is, I mean, I'm gonna say Amanda and Alan's probably like my favourite gig. But Britain's Got Talent was the job that I think changed my entire life. And Simon has been so loyal and sort of kept me there. And it's gonna be my 20th year next year. My daughter's gonna, my daughter's 20 now, but she turned one on the day that I got the job. And next year I will have done 20 years. And I said at the time, I literally was stirring soup, I think Cheryl Cole dropped out, that's famous. She dropped out of it. I went, yeah, yeah. And I said to my husband, Chris, oh, that would be three years, that'll sort, that'd be good for the mortgage, whatever.

• 54:01Speaker 05

  And then 20 years later, and you don't think anything's gonna last 20 years. And is it the same panel with Bruno? It's changed, no, so, so it's me and Simon and Alicia and KSI, who is a YouTube person. Oh, the one who made the drink. I love, I love KSI. Oh my God, I love him and I love his whole team. Yes. Is that the, the? Yes, the drink, the energy drink, I don't drink the energy drink. He falls asleep all the time, so I don't think he drinks the energy drink either, to be fair. But I bloody love him. Really? Yeah. And we went out, when we, we film everything in Blackpool now. I nearly cried, it's such a family, it feels so family. I ordered some room service one night and this lovely woman dropped it to me.

• 54:45Speaker 05

  And she went, God bless Amanda. When she, and you know, my nan used to say that to me and I was like that, that's not room service.

• 54:52Jessie Ware?

  Is this your nan who liked having a sherry?

• 54:55Speaker 05

  Yes, Harvey's Bristol cream.

• 54:57Jessie Ware?

  And you have one every Sunday morning?

• 54:58Speaker 05

  On every Sunday, when I'm cooking the Sunday lunch.

• 55:02Speaker 06

  She takes all her clothes off, ready for the roast.

• 55:06Speaker 05

  I love, it is a morning drink.

• 55:08Speaker 06

  Can you see my Bristol cream?

• 55:11Speaker 05

  My Bristol, what is it called Bristol City?

• 55:16Speaker 05

  Bristol City. Yeah, so I love a Harvey's Bristol cream. I don't like posh sherry. And over Christmas, the amount of pubs I went to with my husband.

• 55:24Speaker 06

  It's smoother.

• 55:25Speaker 05

  And I said, I really want a sweet sherry. And they all just looked at me blankly. And I went, no, no, no, I don't want this posh Spanish thing. I don't want that. I don't want that.

• 55:33Speaker 04

  You want a sherry?

• 55:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know. Bristol cream. And I invented a new drink over Christmas because I put Harvey's Bristol cream with ice.

• 55:42Speaker 04

  A finger.

• 55:43Speaker 05

  A finger of sherry.

• 55:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:45Speaker 05

  A finger of sherry is just enough. Ice cubes and a slice of orange.

• 55:51Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 55:52Speaker 05

  That is a game changer for Harvey's Bristol cream. Let's just call it two fingers.

• 55:58Speaker 06

  Two fingers. Two fingers. But that's what's so amazing about this podcast because food is emotional, isn't it? And that's why, that's why, you know, it's.

• 56:10Speaker 05

  Such a good idea. Well done. Well done, both of you.

• 56:14Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 56:14Speaker 05

  It is, because it invokes so many memories. And food is about how you feel. I don't like food where there's two bits of cucumber or a carrot and like someone spat on it, you know, like the froth. I can't bear that.

• 56:28Speaker 06

  What is that froth?

• 56:28Speaker 04

  It's fumé.

• 56:29Speaker 05

  I cannot.

• 56:30Speaker 04

  An emulsion.

• 56:31Speaker 05

  I have bollocks to that.

• 56:32Speaker 06

  It is like dribbley, so I'm not going to.

• 56:35Speaker 05

  I want a fish finger sandwich and a tartar sauce and a load of mayonnaise. I don't care how it looks, it's about how it makes me feel and what it tastes like. Or even how it's presented.

• 56:44Speaker 04

  Well, before I go, get the third bottle and the cup of tea.

• 56:48Speaker 06

  Maybe lose the tea.

• 56:52Speaker 06

  We're going large.

• 56:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, we're not diluting his.

• 56:55Speaker 06

  We're not going two fingers. I'm throwing in a plum.

• 56:57Speaker 04

  Jessie, have you noticed?

• 57:01Speaker 04

  Jessie, have you noticed the glass?

• 57:03Speaker 05

  I know.

• 57:03Speaker 06

  That's disgusting.

• 57:07Speaker 05

  I'm scared, Amanda. Do you want the other bottle of champagne?

• 57:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 57:11Speaker 04

  Have you got another P now?

• 57:14Speaker 06

  I'll have any red.

• 57:15Speaker 05

  Should we open your tray to red, Alan?

• 57:18Speaker 06

  Oh, my God.

• 57:18Speaker 05

  No.

• 57:19Speaker 06

  No.

• 57:19Speaker 05

  Because he could keep the bottle.

• 57:21Speaker 06

  Don't worry. I've got, I always have an emergency bottle.

• 57:29Speaker 05

  I'm never gonna lie, it was 10.99.

• 57:32Speaker 06

  Hey, I'm not proud.

• 57:33Speaker 05

  No, me either.

• 57:34Speaker 06

  It's made in Chili's Atacama.

• 57:38Speaker 05

  That'll do.

• 57:38Speaker 06

  Dessert.

• 57:39Speaker 05

  Dessert.

• 57:39Speaker 06

  Dessert. Yeah, just open it.

• 57:42Speaker 05

  After me saying it was well read.

• 57:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, there's me going, I always have in my book.

• 57:46Speaker 05

  I asked a wine expert once about screw tops, because people are very snobby about them. What, screw tops doesn't mean anything?

• 57:53Speaker 06

  No, on my, um.

• 57:54Speaker 05

  I think they're helpful. I love them.

• 57:56Speaker 06

  Can I just say, on my new podcast, Buttons Up, with lovely Lee Pipp, um, we speak about that. You know, you know, when a wine's disgusting and you take it back? You can, you can say to the sommelier, I don't like this and take it back. You're within your right.

• 58:10Speaker 05

  I've done that, I've done that. I've gone like four bottles before I've got to it. I went, give it, I just need a taste a bit more like Ribena. And they were literally like, you need to get out of my. Do you know what? Do we like that? It's drinkable. The traitor, wine of chili.

• 58:24Speaker 06

  And do you know what some restaurants do?

• 58:26Speaker 05

  What?

• 58:27Speaker 06

  The second wine down is the one with the biggest markup because they know no one picks the top one on the wine list.

• 58:33Speaker 05

  You're kidding.

• 58:34Speaker 06

  Listen to Buttons Up, you'll get, you'll get hacks like this.

• 58:38Speaker 05

  Just a finger, Jessie.

• 58:39Speaker 06

  If I hear fingering one more time, I'm walking out or staying.

• 58:48Speaker 05

  That's nice. I don't want to be like on your podcast, but there's a little bit of tannin at the very end.

• 58:53Speaker 06

  You're going nowhere near my bloody podcast.

• 58:56Speaker 05

  That's bad, actually. I think that is. It's a very reasonable price. Nostalgic taste that can transport you back somewhere, happy or sad. Jelly.

• 59:06Speaker 06

  Yes, angel delight.

• 59:08Speaker 05

  Okay. Which jelly? Where are we?

• 59:10Speaker 06

  Chocolate. Oh, no, no, no, no, the butter, butterscotch, butterscotch.

• 59:13Speaker 05

  Where are you having it, Alan?

• 59:15Speaker 06

  Um, Lowick Court in Northampton. Um, it was a treat after Sunday.

• 59:19Speaker 05

  Was Lowick Court your road?

• 59:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, Lowick Court, where, which is based on Changing Ends is based there. Yeah, and I, uh, I remember that, uh, summer, doors being open and, yeah, just about, and it was a real treat.

• 59:32Speaker 05

  Jelly, where are you? I am at 17 Cunningham Avenue, Bishop's Wharf. So this was, I know, that is.

• 59:40Speaker 06

  Bishop's Wharf.

• 59:43Speaker 05

  This is a little village, like 10 miles from Winchester. This is where I was brought up. And this was a housing estate where. Like, I would play out on the streets till I heard my mum bang a saucerman to come in for tea. But on Sundays, our back gate was shut. That's not a euphemism, Alan. And we weren't allowed out.

• 1:00:05Speaker 06

  It even looks like, oh cheeky.

• 1:00:09Speaker 05

  Oh, our back door, our back gate was shut. Because my mum said, you're not playing anywhere other than your back garden today because it's disrespectful to the neighbours. You don't want to be making a noise anywhere.

• 1:00:19Speaker 06

  Old school, love it.

• 1:00:20Speaker 05

  So sweet. And we used to have jelly. That was a, that was a treat, but we might have it like, once a week, my mum might do it and I would see it and she would let me. But I would have a cube of jelly raw to eat. Before she put it in a plastic jug and then added hot water to it and set it. And that was it. Sometimes we'd put blancmange on the top of the jelly, Alan. But it would be a strawberry blancmange. And that was exotic in our house.

• 1:00:48Jessie Ware?

  Amanda and Alan, it's been better than I could have even anticipated. We have been so wanting you two together. You are welcome whenever you just need to let some stuff.

• 1:00:58Speaker 05

  Couple on the show, or have you had a couple?

• 1:01:01Speaker 06

  No, love.

• 1:01:02Jessie Ware?

  Oh. No, but it could be our best.

• 1:01:05Speaker 05

  Oh, yes, I love.

• 1:01:07Speaker 06

  Oh, you're last.

• 1:01:23Speaker 04

  Well, I can tell you, that's a cure for jet lag.

• 1:01:28Jessie Ware?

  That's a cure for a lot of things. Those two together are hysterical. Amanda Holden is filthy and fabulous.

• 1:01:36Speaker 04

  She's such good fun.

• 1:01:37Jessie Ware?

  And we all know how we feel about Alan Carr. We adore him.

• 1:01:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:40Jessie Ware?

  And them together, I, I don't feel like we've had this most like debauched and kind of derailed episode of Table manners since maybe series one or two.

• 1:01:50Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:01:51Jessie Ware?

  It really feels like the old days.

• 1:01:52Speaker 04

  Does. Just one finger, darling.

• 1:01:55Jessie Ware?

  Oh my God, I can't drink anymore.

• 1:01:57Speaker 04

  You had two fingers. That was a problem.

• 1:01:58Jessie Ware?

  I had more than two fingers, I tell you. And thank you to Alan Carr and Amanda Holden for a riotous. Wednesday, that was very, very fun, as I knew it would be, but I loved it. And also the recipes that, yeah, I can't speak, I can't speak.

• 1:02:15Speaker 04

  Okay, the food was delicious.

• 1:02:17Jessie Ware?

  Excuse me, I'm off, thank you.

• 1:02:18Speaker 04

  And it was all gorgeous and the best fun.

• 1:02:21Jessie Ware?

  We'll see you next week for more Table Mum.

• 1:02:39Speaker 00

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