Ep 261: Sam Morril and Mark Normand

No guest this week, but Mark and Sam go deep on bombs, butt-plug subway sightings, Skankfest chaos, slow eaters, Chipotle crimes, Utah threesomes, Knicks heartbreak, Fallon and Stiller encounters, panic attacks on stage, AI nightmares, Hedberg memories, and a full tour through comedy hell gigs. This one has everything: rants, peeves, wild stories, wisdom, filth, and a surprising amount of baseball. Sponsored by: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today athttps://shopify.com/drunk Find your forever cookware @hexclad Visit https://hexclad.com and cook like a pro. #hexcladpartner For a limited time, get 40 percent off your entire order Go to https://GetSoul.com and use the code WMBD F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15 percent off with the code DRUNK15 https://theperfectjean.nyc/DRUNK15 #theperfectjeanpod Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBDMerch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril tickets: https://punchup.live/sammorril/ticketsMark Normand tickets: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #Shopify #Hexclad #GetSoul #PerfectJean #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  Did he really just...butt plugs?

• 0:08Speaker 01

  I'm getting a lot of butt plugs off of my algo.

• 0:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 0:11Mark Normand?

  No, not I.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  Like, people inserting them on the subway.

• 0:14Mark Normand?

  What?

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, it's really weird.

• 0:16Sam Morril?

  Butt plugs?

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:18Sam Morril?

  Who's inserting a butt plug on the subway?

• 0:20Speaker 01

  Like, ladies?

• 0:21Mark Normand?

  You tell us.

• 0:22Sam Morril?

  It's on the two train.

• 0:26Sam Morril?

  And we're off to the races, guys. Good to be back. A solo act, which I'm kinda pumped for, dude.

• 0:31Mark Normand?

  It's about time. We've got a lot to talk about.

• 0:34Sam Morril?

  It's been a minute. I mean, not really. We talk, but...

• 0:37Mark Normand?

  That's true. But I was in Skeg Fest. You were in Utah, we did a Knicks game, you bombed at a Mr. Baseball.

• 0:44Sam Morril?

  Oof, that hurt, dude. That was...it is...you have ever those cartoon bombs where you just start sweating?

• 0:50Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 0:50Sam Morril?

  It's insane. It's like your body's having a reaction.

• 0:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 0:54Sam Morril?

  It was awful. It was...I felt bad.

• 0:57Mark Normand?

  Your body's going through fight or flight. You don't even realize it, you know? You get the back sweat, your mouth gets dry, you kinda start stammering.

• 1:04Sam Morril?

  But you walk in...oh, yeah, there we go. With Donnie Baseball himself, Don Mattingly, I just posted, "Yeah, sometimes you bomb in front of one of your heroes." That's part of the...you don't think about that when you get into this. You're like, "It's gonna work out." You don't think like, "Someday a guy who got me into baseball will see me fail at what I love."

• 1:20Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  Well, he never won a ring, so...

• 1:23Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  You saw him fail too, dude.

• 1:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but it's not his fault. He was a great player. I love Donnie Baseball.

• 1:29Mark Normand?

  Did he pat you on the butt after? Like, "Ugh, good game."

• 1:31Sam Morril?

  No, I think he was nice, 'cause he probably felt horrible for me. You know what happened was, so I'm basically doing stand-up at this Gold Glove recipients dinner. It's a really nice gig. It's at the Plaza Hotel, which I realized, I don't think I've ever been inside.

• 1:45Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:46Sam Morril?

  A lifelong New Yorker, and I was like, "I don't think I've been inside here. It's gorgeous." It's one of those gigs where they're being like, "It's gonna be great." They say it so many times, you're like, "Oh, I'm gonna bomb."

• 1:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:57Sam Morril?

  When they start saying how great it is, and then they let slip that another guy had done the gig and done so poorly that he didn't get paid.

• 2:05Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 2:05Sam Morril?

  He had to give the money back. So he did so bad...so this is the first thing I hear. Then they say another legend, like, I'm not gonna say either of their names, I'll tell you off-air.

• 2:13Mark Normand?

  Daryl Strawberry.

• 2:15Sam Morril?

  No, he's still got paid. No, but they have another guy who they said basically got chased offstage. It was like a whole thing. Whoa. Okay, I'm hearing this is great. So far I've heard two tough stories here. Yeah. But the guy running it was super. They were all so nice and they're all giving, they have all these gifts. It's Rawlings. Wow. All these nice, like, here's a leather bag from the material that we make our gloves from. And I was like, damn, I played with a Rawlings glove as a kid. Yeah. And I walk in, I'm like, you know, I'm like, Dave Winfield, legend, all these great, Johnny Bench, who is like, is there, got some awards. Dude, best Johnny Bench story. I don't know if you've heard this story. Great baseball player. Mickey Mantle goes up to him at this thing and goes, hey, let's go across the street and have a drink at the Marriott.

• 3:00Sam Morril?

  And Johnny Bench is like, my hero Mickey Mantle wants to drink with me? Oh my God. So he takes him across the street and as they try to walk in, the bouncer goes, I can't let you back in, Mickey. Oh, that's great. He was using him to, he was using him to try to get back in the bar. Cause he got kicked out. He got kicked out. Oh, that's hilarious. So I'm at this event. Did the guy go, you're out of here?

• 3:23Sam Morril?

  So I'm at this event and it's like, you know, it's the Plaza. It's super nice. Sure. I even wrote a bunch of baseball jokes. I was like, I'm gonna write jokes. I'm gonna come prepared. I wrote like a good eight minutes or so of baseball jokes. Wow. Give us anyone, best one, worst one, anyone. I'll give you a few. Yeah, I opened, this hit. I opened by saying, um, this is the Gold Glove Dinner. We award the people with the nastiest hands. Unfortunately, Andrew Cuomo couldn't be here tonight. Hey. Big pop out of the gate. Then I said, um, I had a bunch, I had a bunch that did well. I said, uh,

• 3:54Sam Morril?

  the Los Angeles Dodgers, congrats to the Dodgers. Uh, you guys won the World Series. What an inspiring story. The team with the most money won. It's like a metaphor for America. If you're rich, you'll be all right. Unfortunately, the rest of us are kind of like the Colorado Rockies, high and not doing well. Hey. That got a big pop. I had some, I had a few like those. Yeah, I wrote these all the day. I was like, I'm feeling good. I had one about Clayton Kershaw having like a fat gut and still striking dude. I'm like, you're getting fanned by a guy who looks like fucking Paul Giamatti without his shirt on. I had all these jokes. They were all killing. I'm like, I'm doing great. I look in the crowd. I see Bob Costas like toasting a glass. I'm like, holy shit, broadcasting legend, Bob Costas. Love Costas.

• 4:31Mark Normand?

  The Greek.

• 4:31Sam Morril?

  And I'm like, I'm killing. I'm gonna fucking kill. And by the way, it was a weird setup. I'm going on right after uh some like Rocket dancers and Joe Piscopo.

• 4:40Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 4:41Sam Morril?

  And Piscopo could not have been cooler. Super nice.

• 4:43Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 4:44Sam Morril?

  SNL, Joe Piscopo of the eighties.

• 4:46Mark Normand?

  This is like a fever dream.

• 4:47Sam Morril?

  It's crazy. So yeah, though I'm doing a bunch of baseball jokes. They all are hitting. I do a bunch of jokes about uh. I can't remember a bunch of the rest of them, but they were all kinda hitting. I was like, wow, I'm kinda locked in. This is pretty good. And then it gets to a point where I'm like, well, I'm out of baseball jokes. I guess I kinda just have to do my act.

• 5:04Mark Normand?

  But you think you buy some goodwill with these. You wrote jokes for the event. They're hitting. You should be in the, in the zone.

• 5:10Sam Morril?

  They're hitting and uh dude, holy shit. I don't know how I lost him that hard. I did, I'm like, what are my jokes that hit the hardest? I'm thinking like specials and I'm like, anything off limits or like nothing. I did a dick joke and I just heard a go, a woman go. No. I was like, that's not the sound I was going for.

• 5:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's what you wanna hear when you whip it out.

• 5:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 5:32Sam Morril?

  No, cause it was, it was an ugh of disgust.

• 5:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's what I get.

• 5:37Sam Morril?

  Dude, it was terrible. So I go from like killing to just silence and it's those, one of those weird gigs where I'm like, this is like a gala dinner with awards. They don't wanna hear a comic for more than 10 minutes. So if it was just 10 minutes, I would have crushed.

• 5:49Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 5:50Sam Morril?

  But they're like, you gotta do 30. They did not wanna hear me do 30.

• 5:53Mark Normand?

  They never want 30.

• 5:54Sam Morril?

  It was, it was bad, dude. And I had an agent there and she uh, she tried to leave. I go, where do you think you're going? I was like, you're watching me get drunk. I'm not doing this alone. So, so we start ordering rounds. I'm like, keep them coming.

• 6:08Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 6:08Sam Morril?

  And uh, it was one of those tough things where like, they, they were, I think disappointed with how I, it went, but they also were like, what, he didn't, he did his act. We hired him to do his act. The joke, a lot of the jokes hit. I think they were just shocked it went so south.

• 6:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're the new Trevor Bauer. You've been disgraced. You're kicked out of the league. Oh wow, that sucks.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Brought to you by the same people that talk like this. This is George Brett talking about shitting his pants. Have you ever seen this?

• 6:35Sam Morril?

  Let's see. Yeah, but, but I don't think the players were the problem. I think it's like the players' wives.

• 6:39Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course.

• 6:41Sam Morril?

  I think that was the issue.

• 6:47Sam Morril?

  George Brett was a man, dude.

• 6:52Mark Normand?

  If you're gonna get caught a hot mic, this is what you want, you know? It could have had a slur in there or something.

• 6:57Speaker 03

  I'm good twice a year for that.

• 6:58Sam Morril?

  Dude, so anyway.

• 7:01Sam Morril?

  I'm at, I'm at the cellar and Keith Robinson walks up to me and he goes, "I heard you bombed this dinner." And I said, "Oh, what happened?" He goes, "A friend of mine called me." And she goes, "Do you know Sam Morrell?"

• 7:11Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 7:12Sam Morril?

  And Keith goes, "Yeah." And she goes, "Read the fucking room."

• 7:16Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 7:17Sam Morril?

  Do you remember where you lost him? And Keith was dying laughing.

• 7:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's great.

• 7:20Sam Morril?

  Do you remember where you lost him? Um, no, it was a few, cause I, I was a little up and down for a while and then I just kinda lost him.

• 7:27Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 7:27Sam Morril?

  Like, I, I kinda bridged into stand-up. I did that rain delay baseball joke and that killed.

• 7:32Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 7:32Sam Morril?

  And I kinda had a few good jokes in there. I had a few others that just hit and then it just kinda fizzled out, but it's, uh...

• 7:39Mark Normand?

  Well, you know what? Read the room. Let me, let me defend a friend here. Read the booking sheet. Like, eh, look at his website. Look at, eh, at a bit of his, you know? Like, you can't just book all these people and then go, "Oh, it wasn't exactly perfectly curated to my, eh, my standards."

• 7:54Sam Morril?

  Well, thirty, thirty minutes is too long.

• 7:55Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 7:56Sam Morril?

  Like, eh, eh, that type of thing, they, eh, picture any award show you watch. If you're watching the Oscars, they're not doing thirty.

• 8:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, of course.

• 8:03Sam Morril?

  They're doing like five or ten. That's what it should be.

• 8:06Mark Normand?

  And they hit the wrap-up music, you know? Cause they know, everybody's like, "Get, keep it moving."

• 8:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 8:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I did a gig, eh, I don't wanna say it was a Jewish gig, and I'm the only...

• 8:15Sam Morril?

  You don't wanna say, but you just told us?

• 8:16Mark Normand?

  Well, eh, it was more than that, but, eh, I was the only non-Jew there by a mile.

• 8:20Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 8:21Mark Normand?

  I saw one black guy, we did this, you know?

• 8:24Sam Morril?

  He's like, "Why is he pointing at me?"

• 8:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah. And, eh, oh, there you go.

• 8:30Speaker 04

  The thing about the red hat that drove me to a point of exhaustion, which was misdiagnosed by a, I'm not gonna say what race, what people, eh, doctor.

• 8:43Mark Normand?

  Jeez.

• 8:44Speaker 04

  And what hospital and what media it went to. We know I can't say that. It was a Jewish doctor.

• 8:52Mark Normand?

  That was the black guy I pointed to.

• 8:54Sam Morril?

  By the way, that was more restraint than we're used to seeing.

• 8:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 8:57Sam Morril?

  It took him 22 seconds to say the Jew thing.

• 9:00Mark Normand?

  He cleaned it up.

• 9:01Sam Morril?

  It took him a while to blame us.

• 9:04Mark Normand?

  So, of course, I went too hard out of the gate. I'm the only non-Jew there. I'm the Goy. And we were up on this high thing doing a show. I go, "Boy, we're so high up. I feel like Anne Frank." You know, and they're like, "Boo." And I go, "Come on, I took a train here." You know, and they're like, "Fuck you." And then I do my act. They hate me. They hate me. At one point, I have a Muslim bit that this bit hits. So I'm like, "I want to do the Muslim bit in the Jew room. This is gonna crush." And the joke started working, and then the mic went out. It went, "Eh eh eh." And then it came back on, and I went, "Oh, man, how ironic. The Muslim joke didn't work here." "You guys really do run shit." Applause break.

• 9:42Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 9:42Mark Normand?

  And then I went back to bombing.

• 9:44Sam Morril?

  It is funny when you get them for a second, and it's like, complete pander.

• 9:48Mark Normand?

  I know!

• 9:49Sam Morril?

  It's like, and it's like, I did all the shit you have to do, like, a round of applause, this guy's here, zing him, like, whatever. And I got a couple of those off, but then it was like, "Oh, man."

• 9:58Mark Normand?

  30 minutes is crazy. It's like fighting, like, a pro fighter. You're like, "If I last 7 minutes, this is great."

• 10:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, I was like, it was one of those where you're like, "You're a little shaken after. You're like, 'That's rough.'" They make a great Manhattan at the Plaza, though. I had a few of them. I was downing them, yeah. And then, uh, the agent and I, we end up at a bar. She's just watching me get shitfaced.

• 10:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:22Sam Morril?

  And, uh, met Ruby and Scott Rogowski, hit the town late night.

• 10:27Mark Normand?

  Alright, good!

• 10:28Sam Morril?

  Ruby in his fedora.

• 10:31Sam Morril?

  We just got lit. I was like, "I just need to get..." It's one of those gigs, sometimes you're like, you bomb, and you're like, "Alcohol will help."

• 10:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 10:38Sam Morril?

  It is a good short-term solution.

• 10:40Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 10:40Sam Morril?

  Like, look, if I do that every night, you're not gonna bomb every night, but you have a hard bomb, you get lit up, sometimes you're like, "Ah, thank God for alcohol."

• 10:48Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. That's why these sober people, I'm so impressed. Like, you go through something, and you just have to raw-dog it.

• 10:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:55Mark Normand?

  That's impressive.

• 10:56Sam Morril?

  You have to feel pain.

• 10:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like I was at Skank Fest and the, the best way to get through Skank Fest is I just drink the whole time. You know, you wake up, you have a Bloody Mary, then you just keep going and then by six, you're like, whoa, and then you have to do a set, but.

• 11:09Sam Morril?

  How was that set?

• 11:10Mark Normand?

  It was a little wonky, but much like the baseball thing, they.

• 11:14Sam Morril?

  Oh, it's a great pick.

• 11:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'm so blo- you can see my, the bloated face. That's me doing a white power.

• 11:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you look pretty defeated here.

• 11:21Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, I'm hurting, but you gotta socially, as Greg Fitzsimmons, I don't know who that guy is. I think that's Bart Coleman. Uh, he used to book at midnight, back in the old one.

• 11:32Sam Morril?

  He used to book, uh, was it Ferguson or?

• 11:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, one of those, one of those, but, uh, oh yeah.

• 11:39Sam Morril?

  That's a good pick.

• 11:39Mark Normand?

  He did it sober the whole way and it's very impressive.

• 11:43Sam Morril?

  That's his life.

• 11:43Mark Normand?

  There's Rachel in the back on the left, but yeah, it was a wild time, but I drank the whole time and I'm still hurt. It was two days ago and I can still feel it. Like I'm still not there, so.

• 11:54Sam Morril?

  I hate that. Well, it's also the travel, dude. We're getting older. Like, you know, I'm in Utah weekend. You have a few drinks. I had one. So I did five shows. I feel like you do a five show club weekend. One will be bad.

• 12:05Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 12:05Sam Morril?

  Usually, like four good, the Saturday Late Show sucked. They just sucked.

• 12:09Mark Normand?

  They drink.

• 12:10Sam Morril?

  I feel like the Saturday Late Show has, has swapped with the Friday Late Show.

• 12:13Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 12:14Sam Morril?

  It used to be the Friday Late Show was a bad one. Now it's like, no, they were fucking dumb.

• 12:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:18Sam Morril?

  I was just like, wow, they were really, I, Vitor hated them. I was like, I could tell. I'm like, fuck, they're not.

• 12:22Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 12:23Sam Morril?

  They're not giving it up.

• 12:24Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 12:24Sam Morril?

  When they're not getting the dry guy.

• 12:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:27Sam Morril?

  I'm like, shit, all right. But, uh, yeah, just immediately went back to my hotel, started just pounding fucking martinis. I was like, let me just get lit up.

• 12:36Mark Normand?

  At the hotel bar?

• 12:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:37Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 12:38Sam Morril?

  Made Vitor sit there. He doesn't drink. You know, he, I'm like, get a shrimp cocktail. He's like, all right.

• 12:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, this goes right into my peeve.

• 12:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:45Mark Normand?

  This is my fucking peeve is everybody goes, you know, it's the last night of, of Skank Fest or whatever, whatever you're doing. Everybody goes, what time's your flight? What time's your flight? And my flight was at. Eleven or something.

• 12:57Sam Morril?

  So I think you can go hard.

• 12:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they go, that's not bad. That's not bad. I hate that. That is bad. Because you gotta get there at ten, which means you gotta leave at nine, and I've been drinking till four. So nine AM isn't late. You know, they go, oh, eleven. That's not bad. No, no, no. Nine at night isn't bad. Eleven still sucks because it's still morning.

• 13:18Sam Morril?

  I got another peeve for you for a morning peeve. At my hotel, they do like a brunch thing and they have a little, I guess on Sundays it's a buffet. For the other days, it was just regular, but for Sundays, a live band at a brunch annoys the shit.

• 13:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'm with you.

• 13:33Sam Morril?

  It's too early.

• 13:34Mark Normand?

  I'm with you.

• 13:34Sam Morril?

  You want to take it even worse? Jazz band, which I'm fine with. I love jazz normally, if it's a little later. Jazz band with drums.

• 13:42Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 13:43Sam Morril?

  No drums at breakfast.

• 13:44Mark Normand?

  We're all drinking.

• 13:45Sam Morril?

  I'm hungover.

• 13:46Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 13:47Sam Morril?

  I don't want to hear a fucking beat.

• 13:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 13:49Sam Morril?

  I'm hurting.

• 13:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, get out of here. I don't need Buddy Rich. I got, he's in my head already. It's pounding.

• 13:54Sam Morril?

  Dude, I was, I was hurting. Yeah, it just sucked.

• 13:58Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:00Sam Morril?

  That's a peeve for sure.

• 14:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a good one. And, and, uh, we have a thing in New Orleans, this jazz brunch. It's the ultimate jazz brunch at Commander's Palace, but they, they walk around and it's a guy with a stand-up bass and a clarinet and that's it.

• 14:12Sam Morril?

  It's also if you're known for it, I feel like it could work.

• 14:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:15Sam Morril?

  You know what you're walking into, but I didn't know what I was walking into.

• 14:17Mark Normand?

  That sucks.

• 14:18Sam Morril?

  And you can't walk anywhere in Salt Lake City, dude. That downtown is fucking Portland.

• 14:21Mark Normand?

  Meth sits walking dead over there.

• 14:23Sam Morril?

  Dude, it is bad. It's, it's sad.

• 14:26Mark Normand?

  It is wild.

• 14:27Sam Morril?

  You never hear any politicians being like, I'm gonna run on really helping these people. They're just like forgotten.

• 14:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:33Sam Morril?

  They talk about the poor, they talk about like, what about that person who's fucking, what's the plan for this? We just let these, these pharmaceutical companies and these sacklers or whatever ruin the country. It's crazy.

• 14:42Mark Normand?

  I know, and they're all out there.

• 14:44Sam Morril?

  That's, that's a human. It's fucking awful.

• 14:46Mark Normand?

  It's crazy. It's, and they're all in that one area by the club.

• 14:50Sam Morril?

  And they were by the, there's, you don't, you want to do a lot, I'm a walker. I like to stay downtown wherever I go. I like to just take walks and we walked a few blocks and we were like, we shouldn't, we shouldn't walk.

• 15:00Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 15:01Sam Morril?

  It's bad.

• 15:01Mark Normand?

  That sucks. Yeah. I would go to Bring 'Em Young and just walk around. Well, that's not, that doesn't look great either.

• 15:08Sam Morril?

  Bring 'em young?

• 15:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:09Sam Morril?

  That's what you say to your show. Bring 'em young.

• 15:11Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 15:14Mark Normand?

  But yeah, that's a beautiful campus. But you realize how serious the Mormon shit is when you go to Utah. You're like, oh wow, you guys take this seriously. Or they're like the biggest alcoholics you've ever met. Yes. There's no middle ground. They're either deeply religious or they're so rebelling against it. Yeah, had my first threesome in Utah. Cause they're just like, it's like you said, it's either Cub Scout or Porn Star. Wait, you say first threesome? You had multiple threesomes? Sure.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  I bet he's had multiple threesomes in Utah.

• 15:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's crazy. How many threesomes are we talking? Three. That's pretty good. Yeah, well, college was wild. Yeah? Yeah. But Utah, what happened there? I, uh... How old were you? This is 2013. Damn, young comic.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, had a pretty good set. Playing wise guys. Doing the meet and greet and, uh... The meet and greet, that's how it happened. She was an older broad, real saggy catcher's mitt. She'd seen a few winters and, uh... I said, uh, she goes, "Hey, we loved you. I'm here with my friend." And I did a photo and I go, "Hey, we should go out." And they were like, "Sure, let's go out." And we went out and then... So you disappointed a catcher's mitt too?

• 16:27Mark Normand?

  So Johnny Bench? Her name was Rawling. No, yeah, we, uh, yeah, we went back to her hotel. Yeah. That was it, but they were, they were up there. I'm talking...

• 16:36Speaker 01

  How old?

• 16:37Mark Normand?

  I'm talking each, I was what, 31 or something? And they were probably 48? That's not bad. No, I'm not complaining. It was a great night. At that age, that's kinda like cool, cause it's more like, you know, crazy. Yeah, and, you know, I finished in seven seconds, cause I got two, two grandmas here. And, uh, I'm killing these grandmas like Cuomo and, um... Golden Globes, how about the Golden Girls, I'll tell ya?

• 17:05Mark Normand?

  So I finish in six seconds, but then they go at each other. And you could just sit there and go like, oh.

• 17:10Sam Morril?

  And they were friends?

• 17:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I mean, this is a Utah horse.

• 17:12Sam Morril?

  Can you imagine, like, no dudes would ever. We're double teaming, and shit, we make her come, and I'm like, dude, we should, we should fuck. We should fuck each other.

• 17:22Mark Normand?

  That's great. Write that down. That's gold.

• 17:27Sam Morril?

  I did something on the last episode too, I got a gif from you, we'll figure it out, we'll find it later.

• 17:31Mark Normand?

  All right, yeah, but, uh, yeah, wild night.

• 17:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah, goddamn, dude.

• 17:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:35Sam Morril?

  Threesome in, uh, threesome in Utah. I got in a little trouble, because I, there was a woman who I did hook up with once there, and I told a story about her tongue in my old pooper on a Jim Norden's pod.

• 17:47Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 17:47Sam Morril?

  And she was like, people from work sent me that. And I was like, what, it named you? That was just a coincidence.

• 17:54Mark Normand?

  You're like, you're like, that wasn't about you. Different pooper liquor.

• 18:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the old tongue in the butt.

• 18:02Mark Normand?

  Was that in Utah?

• 18:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 18:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's funny, because they can't drink coffee, but they'll eat ass. Like, what are we doing here? I guess it's not in the book, or whatever.

• 18:10Sam Morril?

  Tongue in the butt, if you're trying to get a guy jump-started again for round two, you're like, you're like, wow, boing, right up, right up there, holy shit.

• 18:17Mark Normand?

  And ironically, it tastes like a nine-volt. But, yeah.

• 18:21Sam Morril?

  Goddamn.

• 18:22Mark Normand?

  Tongue in the poop.

• 18:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 18:23Mark Normand?

  You never done a three?

• 18:25Sam Morril?

  I don't think I have.

• 18:26Mark Normand?

  Woo.

• 18:26Sam Morril?

  No.

• 18:27Mark Normand?

  I'm like, Caitlin Clark.

• 18:31Mark Normand?

  A lot of the three, I mean, I've only done it three times, but it's just asking, it's just like throwing it out there.

• 18:36Sam Morril?

  Right, I should, I should be doing that. I'm, I'm, this is kind of the last phase of my life I could probably pull that off.

• 18:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true, you better do it.

• 18:44Sam Morril?

  Got to make it happen.

• 18:45Mark Normand?

  This is it.

• 18:45Sam Morril?

  This is Sammy's threesome year.

• 18:47Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 18:48Sam Morril?

  Maybe next year, it's almost the end of the year.

• 18:49Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm. That's true.

• 18:50Sam Morril?

  This, this, starting now, 12 months.

• 18:52Mark Normand?

  12 months.

• 18:53Sam Morril?

  12 months for a threesome.

• 18:54Mark Normand?

  We should get a counter, like a big, like, how many days till an injury, or whatever?

• 18:58Sam Morril?

  I like it.

• 18:59Mark Normand?

  Let's do it.

• 18:59Sam Morril?

  Let's do it. I think I could pull it off.

• 19:01Mark Normand?

  Boy, the day you come in, you gotta buy some poppers and sparklers and confetti, because when that thing flips, we're gonna go ape shit.

• 19:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude, I think, uh, I think it could happen.

• 19:10Mark Normand?

  Well, writing the girls on.

• 19:11Sam Morril?

  You guys believe in me?

• 19:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, hell yeah. Just start throwing it out to the world. Patreon. Yeah, put it out in the world, it'll happen.

• 19:18Sam Morril?

  I always think of Jim Jeffries' bit about how he had the threesome and, and the hot one left, and the other one's like, I'll still do it, and he goes, you were kind of part of a package deal.

• 19:29Mark Normand?

  A package deal. That's a good name for a gay bar. A package deal. Oh.

• 19:36Mark Normand?

  Wow, Jim's got, I would have done it. I mean, she's there.

• 19:39Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 19:40Mark Normand?

  How bad are we talking is the question.

• 19:42Sam Morril?

  I guess that's the question.

• 19:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it is tough. I mean, like, I don't know, the road too, I'm at the age now where I'm like, do I want, I value sleep.

• 19:49Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 19:50Sam Morril?

  Like, I'm thinking, Gary's gonna wanna get breakfast in the morning, and I'm like, how shitty do I wanna feel?

• 19:56Mark Normand?

  Right, and now you gotta get rid of two ladies. That's a lot of work.

• 20:00Sam Morril?

  It is, it's tough, man. Okay, I, but then sometimes you just go, fuck it, gotta do it for the, like, when we got hammered, you left on Wednesday with me, I got fucking bombed.

• 20:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:10Sam Morril?

  And we were both already pretty drunk.

• 20:11Mark Normand?

  And I was hungover that morning, so I don't know how you did it.

• 20:14Sam Morril?

  I was dying.

• 20:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:15Sam Morril?

  We were lit up at the Knicks game, they got crushed, and, uh,

• 20:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and we ended up at that stand holiday party.

• 20:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, free booze.

• 20:24Sam Morril?

  Those holiday parties are tricky, cuz you find, you find a cool corner sometimes, sometimes you get cornered by people, you're like, I don't wanna fucking hang with this person.

• 20:31Mark Normand?

  And you know what the worst thing, this is another peeve, this happened at Skankfest too, when the, you're trying to be nice, and you're chit chatting with a rando that you don't really wanna be talking to, and you got a fun guy right here, and you're like, how do I just get, get, and then they start doing this one, they go, oh, by the way, I, uh, I run this show out of a sewage plant in Poughkeepsie, and you're like, oh, yeah, is that right? They're like, yeah, yeah, you should do my, come up there, you'll do my podcast, then you can do the show at the sewage plant, and then you can sleep at my house, and you're like, oh, yeah, sure.

• 21:00Sam Morril?

  It's gonna be the end of the episode, Mark's like, three shows at the sewage plant, we added a show, we sold out the first two.

• 21:06Mark Normand?

  I know, and you're like, why are you asking me for things? I'm shitfaced. It's like hitting on a girl when she's passed out.

• 21:12Sam Morril?

  Well, Rachel was telling me, um, that someone was kind of talking and talking to her, and then they go like, man, you really don't wanna be talking to me, do you? It's like, well, if you feel that, why would you

• 21:22Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 21:23Sam Morril?

  Put them in that position.

• 21:23Mark Normand?

  Exactly, yeah. Every time I'm talking to one of those type of guys, I feel bad for women. I'm like, they have to do this all the time.

• 21:29Sam Morril?

  Women, yeah, cuz like, hot chicks.

• 21:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:32Sam Morril?

  Or just any chick.

• 21:34Mark Normand?

  Pretty much, yeah.

• 21:34Sam Morril?

  Pretty much.

• 21:35Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 21:36Sam Morril?

  You just have to deal with like, hey, you.

• 21:38Mark Normand?

  I know, I know, that's gotta be tough.

• 21:41Sam Morril?

  Can't tap 'em. You gotta just-

• 21:42Mark Normand?

  Tap 'em.

• 21:43Sam Morril?

  Some people, you see 'em tap the women, too.

• 21:45Mark Normand?

  Excuse you.

• 21:45Sam Morril?

  The tap and the turnaround, you're like, ooh, that's bold.

• 21:48Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 21:49Sam Morril?

  Can't be doing the tap.

• 21:50Mark Normand?

  You better have a great line when she turns around.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  I was at your sticker treat show.

• 21:54Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 21:54Speaker 01

  And a comic that I knew a while back. She came up to me, she was totally dressed up, and then she was like, "It's me." And I was like, "Who are you?" I was like, I could tell who the character they were.

• 22:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  And they're like, "You don't know who I am?" And I was like, "No."

• 22:12Mark Normand?

  At least you have the-

• 22:12Speaker 01

  You don't know who I am.

• 22:13Mark Normand?

  But you have the dress up excuse.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 22:15Mark Normand?

  On the costume.

• 22:16Speaker 01

  Totally. I was like, "How long are we going to do this?"

• 22:18Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  I was like, "This is more embarrassing for you than it is for me."

• 22:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good point.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  Just tell me who you are.

• 22:24Sam Morril?

  Who was it?

• 22:25Speaker 01

  It was Liz, what's her name?

• 22:26Sam Morril?

  Mila?

• 22:27Speaker 01

  No. The, she played Amy Schumer.

• 22:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, Liz Glazer.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Liz Glazer.

• 22:33Mark Normand?

  But she like, lost a lot of weight, too. And she had a blonde wig on.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  And a giant blonde wig.

• 22:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:37Sam Morril?

  It is hard to tell, the costume thing.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 22:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but you're right, just, just, just get out with it.

• 22:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, man, I got fucking hammered on, at that party. That was, that was a mess.

• 22:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, that was wild.

• 22:50Sam Morril?

  That was late, man.

• 22:51Mark Normand?

  When'd you get home? Cause I got home at like, 1.

• 22:53Sam Morril?

  I was so drunk, I remember on my walk home, I just started pissing on the street alone.

• 22:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:59Sam Morril?

  It's weird that you're that drunk. Usually, the pee on the street move is, you have a friend to watch.

• 23:04Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 23:05Sam Morril?

  Not that, for cops, just to watch me pee, I like that. And, no, you have, you have the guard, the guard person for it. But I just found a block that was pretty dead, I was like, "I'm fucked, I'm pissing."

• 23:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I'm sorry, I did that on the train platform recently, where I was so drunk, I was like, "Ah, it's the train platform," and I peed in a corner, and I look over and a woman was like, "Oh!" And I was like, "Oh geez, I'm that guy. I thought I was taking a piss." But you, you realize when you're sober, you see that guy, you're like, "He's scary."

• 23:31Sam Morril?

  It's also the best time for you to be recognized. Cause you get recognized, it's like, you know, You see him, I, I, I ran to Mark Norman, what was he doing? Drunkenly pissing on a subway platform.

• 23:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:41Sam Morril?

  Damn, alright.

• 23:42Mark Normand?

  That's good branding, for the pod. We might be drunk.

• 23:45Sam Morril?

  Dude, it's, uh, Yeah, it was, it was, it got dicey. There was a lot of fun people, though. I had a lot of fun.

• 23:51Mark Normand?

  It's fun. But at some point, I'm at those, I'm getting drunk and I'm realizing I'm losing my voice. I'm like, "Oh, hell yeah, ah!" Cause the music's on and everything.

• 23:59Sam Morril?

  That's the festival problem.

• 24:00Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 24:01Sam Morril?

  It killed the voice.

• 24:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, everybody at Skank Fest at the airport was just like- Hey, dude, hey, what, yeah, what, what are you, JetBlue? Yeah, cuz we're all just screaming the whole-

• 24:09Sam Morril?

  Do you have a lot of comics on the flight back?

• 24:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we were actually talking about this. The airport was just riddled with comedians. And everyone's hungover, everyone's miserable. And you realize, like, everyone, no one wants to talk to each other. At the fest, we're all high-fiving, cuz some of these people you're friends with, some of your people are like, "Oh, we're just both comics, we're acquaintances." So when you see an acquaintance in the airport after a festival, it's so awkward.

• 24:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 24:33Mark Normand?

  And then I realized, how awkward would that Epstein flight be on the way home?

• 24:38Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's a good bit.

• 24:39Mark Normand?

  You know, like, the private jet's gotta be like, "Hey, what's up, Hawking?" Yeah, yeah.

• 24:44Sam Morril?

  That post-nut Epstein flight.

• 24:46Mark Normand?

  Right, right, "The breakfast was good, huh?"

• 24:50Sam Morril?

  Dude, uh, yeah, remember when we were in that airport in Orlando? And I was just puking in the, uh, in the bathroom stall?

• 24:57Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 24:58Sam Morril?

  Mark just, Mark saw me puking and he, uh, he brings in a bottle of ginger ale that he just hands over the stall.

• 25:05Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's a friend.

• 25:06Sam Morril?

  Bro move.

• 25:06Mark Normand?

  I've been there, been the puking.

• 25:08Sam Morril?

  Ginger ale does help.

• 25:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude.

• 25:11Mark Normand?

  I was at the airport with Burt Kreischer. Uh, this is 2015 or something, I went on a European tour with Burt.

• 25:17Sam Morril?

  That was the most ambitious thing you've ever done.

• 25:19Mark Normand?

  It was insane.

• 25:20Sam Morril?

  I don't know how you did that.

• 25:21Mark Normand?

  I am surprised I'm alive. I think I lost, like, two years of my life on that tour. Cuz the problem is, Burt drinks at the airport cuz he's scared of flying. That's why he's a bus guy. So I have to drink with him, cuz I'm the opener. So you think I'm gonna break?

• 25:34Sam Morril?

  By the way, that's the funniest reason to drink, is cuz you're scared of dying.

• 25:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 25:39Sam Morril?

  I'm a fucking hammered, cuz I'm scared I might die.

• 25:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:43Sam Morril?

  Dude, you, this is not helping.

• 25:45Mark Normand?

  No, no. There was one point I went to pee, we were on the flight, he was in first class, I was in the back. And I had to go pass him, and he had, like, six beer, empty beer cans on his tray. And he was just like, "Huh, huh." I was like, "Wow, this guy's either having DTs, or really scared of flying, or both."

• 26:01Sam Morril?

  It is so fun to drink on flights, though. That's the problem.

• 26:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:04Sam Morril?

  It's fun to just throw on a movie and just have a fucking few beers.

• 26:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's nice.

• 26:09Sam Morril?

  A couple whiskeys, it's like, it's hard to beat that.

• 26:11Mark Normand?

  It's great, it's great. And flying with him is fun, cuz he's shirtless.

• 26:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah TSA is quick for him, they're like alright.

• 26:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:20Sam Morril?

  Dude, I, I, I flew back, I'm watching, you ever see the, here's a rec by the way, have you seen the movie Nebraska by Alexander Payne?

• 26:27Mark Normand?

  You know what, I flip by it all the time and I've never watched it.

• 26:29Sam Morril?

  Phenomenal.

• 26:30Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 26:31Sam Morril?

  Did you not like it? I loved it. It's incredible.

• 26:33Mark Normand?

  Wow, okay, I'll watch it.

• 26:34Sam Morril?

  It's, it's black and white, it's weird, it's, uh, Bruce Dern, Will Forte.

• 26:40Mark Normand?

  He's great.

• 26:41Sam Morril?

  He's great.

• 26:41Mark Normand?

  He's always good.

• 26:42Sam Morril?

  I love him. MacGruber, dude, it's so fucking good, it's like weird and funny and then also kinda like sad.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  Didn't it win something, I think he won best actor for this.

• 26:51Sam Morril?

  Did he?

• 26:51Mark Normand?

  Oscar?

• 26:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think so.

• 26:53Mark Normand?

  Oh shit.

• 26:54Sam Morril?

  It's great, man, I loved it.

• 26:56Mark Normand?

  Alright, I'll check it out, I've always wanted to, but you see the cover and it looks so, it looks kinda heavy, like somebody probably dies immediately, I just couldn't do it.

• 27:04Sam Morril?

  I would say it's pretty funny.

• 27:05Mark Normand?

  Okay, great.

• 27:06Sam Morril?

  I laughed a lot, it's a lot of weird dialogue and hilarious.

• 27:11Speaker 01

  He won at Cannes and he was nominated for an Academy Award.

• 27:13Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 27:14Sam Morril?

  Dude, it's, it's awesome, I loved, Alexander Payne is a fucking beast.

• 27:18Mark Normand?

  He's, uh, election is un, un, underrated, I think.

• 27:21Sam Morril?

  Sideways.

• 27:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, of course.

• 27:23Sam Morril?

  Fucking, um, I like The Descendants with Clooney.

• 27:26Mark Normand?

  I like the over cheat, no, overlords, what's the?

• 27:28Sam Morril?

  The Holdovers.

• 27:29Mark Normand?

  Holdovers.

• 27:30Sam Morril?

  I loved it.

• 27:30Mark Normand?

  Loved the Holdovers.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  Oh, he did About Schmidt, I didn't even know that.

• 27:32Sam Morril?

  I haven't seen that actually, is that good?

• 27:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's pretty good.

• 27:35Mark Normand?

  Well, naked Kathy Bates.

• 27:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, now we're talking.

• 27:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:39Sam Morril?

  That was one of the women Mark fucked in that three.

• 27:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's, he's a great filmmaker dude, it's like kinda underappreciated, you know?

• 27:48Mark Normand?

  Agreed.

• 27:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 27:49Mark Normand?

  I love, oh, Jesus Christ almighty.

• 27:52Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 27:54Mark Normand?

  Good golly, well, good for her for going for it, that's brave, everybody's like, oh, brave, that's fucking brave.

• 28:00Sam Morril?

  She's fuck, she's awesome, she's the best.

• 28:02Mark Normand?

  She's a great actor.

• 28:03Sam Morril?

  One of the best.

• 28:04Mark Normand?

  Alright, well now I'm in misery.

• 28:07Mark Normand?

  No, good, good for you, Kathy.

• 28:10Sam Morril?

  I got, uh, do you got any peeves?

• 28:12Mark Normand?

  Uh, I had the, the flight one. Hold on, I, I got, I got a, I got a peeve, but you, you go.

• 28:17Sam Morril?

  I got a peeve. Really slow eaters.

• 28:20Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 28:21Sam Morril?

  Really, really, I find it really annoying.

• 28:24Mark Normand?

  Interesting. I have a guy on the road, slow eater, so we're always waiting.

• 28:27Sam Morril?

  I'm a fast eater too, so I, I'm my worst per, I, I just fucking inhale shit.

• 28:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 28:31Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, I'm with, I'm with my buddy. He probably knows what I'm talking about. I love you, Brian. He's the slowest fucking eater in the world.

• 28:38Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:38Sam Morril?

  I mean, uh, so Gary and I are eating. He's, uh, and we wolf our stuff down. It takes him longer to get his food, cause he ordered some weird vegan shit.

• 28:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 28:47Sam Morril?

  So, we're already, like, he had to go off another menu or something at the hotel. He, uh, he gets it, and then we're all, we're, we've been done for 10 minutes. He gets his food. Just like, hmm, literally like, I'm like, what are we filming a scene here?

• 29:01Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 29:02Sam Morril?

  You don't need to keep it on the plate, let's fucking go.

• 29:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:05Sam Morril?

  We're losing it. We're like, come on, eat it.

• 29:06Mark Normand?

  I know, cause, you know, you only have so many hours in the day on the road. Like, you, you wanna like, get the writing done, maybe hit the gym, walk around.

• 29:14Sam Morril?

  You wanna stay on schedule. You wanna, you wanna, I like, I like a good, how, uh, as much as I don't like a slow thing, I love a, like a, I love a scheduled day.

• 29:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:23Sam Morril?

  I love to be like, we'll meet here at 3. It's like, perfect.

• 29:25Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 29:26Sam Morril?

  I always want to accomplish more on the road. Like, we were like, let's see Begonia, Stav's in it, we gotta see Begonia. And then we didn't, we were like, the day got away.

• 29:33Mark Normand?

  The movie's tough, cause you know that's gonna be with travel, that's a full 3 hours.

• 29:37Sam Morril?

  Easy.

• 29:37Mark Normand?

  Easy, so.

• 29:38Sam Morril?

  And fucking, the, the, the trailers and everything?

• 29:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:42Sam Morril?

  Minimum. But then you still feel like you gotta get there somewhat early, just in case.

• 29:47Mark Normand?

  You don't wanna miss the beginning, yeah.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  What's the good thing about reserved seating is you can skip those 25 minutes and just show up to your seat.

• 29:52Sam Morril?

  That's true.

• 29:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:53Sam Morril?

  That's true. Yeah, I guess it's not, I guess we're making it a bigger problem than it actually is.

• 29:56Mark Normand?

  But no, I'm with a slow eater. I have a guy on the road, he does a slow eating, and it's, he, it's bad for me, cause he'll have half his meal left, and I go, I guess you're about done here. And I started reaching for it, cause I like a good leftover, and he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm, I'm eating this. And then, he does the thing where there's like a couple bites left, and the waitress is like, oh, this is clearly, let me take that. And he's like, no, no, no, I'm, I'm working on this. You're like, working on it? There's like 2 peas and a crust.

• 30:19Sam Morril?

  I'm also, that term annoys me. Still work, working? You're eating, you're not working.

• 30:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 30:24Sam Morril?

  Still working on this? It's an annoying term.

• 30:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, brutal. So I'm with you on that one now. Similar ballpark.

• 30:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 30:32Mark Normand?

  I got a lot of Chipotle peeves. I went to a Chipotle again.

• 30:36Sam Morril?

  But you're like the Chipotle king.

• 30:37Mark Normand?

  I love Chipotle, but I, I, here's a peeve. You go in and they try to, they're so autopilot that they're like, they think they can predict your order. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like I'll go, uh, uh, let's see, I'll do the, and she goes, oh yeah, you want sour? And I'm like, no, I don't want sour. And so she's like, oh, I thought you wanted sour. And I'm like, I never said sour. She put the sour on. So now we gotta make a new bowl. And she's like, uh, chicken? I'm like, no, I want beef. Stop predicting. But they just wanna like get it moving. So, uh, yeah, that was a peeve.

• 31:07Sam Morril?

  That's insane. That's, that's, that's an insane thing to do, just decide what you are getting.

• 31:11Mark Normand?

  Exactly. Cause I think 99% of people get sour cream. So they're just like, oh, going off the odds.

• 31:16Sam Morril?

  Sour cream either, because they fucking.

• 31:18Mark Normand?

  They pile it.

• 31:19Sam Morril?

  It's always too much. Even when it's just a little, it's too much. So I just, I.

• 31:22Mark Normand?

  I wish they'd treat the chicken like the sour, you know?

• 31:25Sam Morril?

  I always go double chicken, baby.

• 31:26Mark Normand?

  You got it.

• 31:26Sam Morril?

  Get extra chicken in there.

• 31:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah. So, uh, that was one. And how about this guy? The guy who reaches over the glass.

• 31:33Sam Morril?

  Ooh.

• 31:34Mark Normand?

  You know, like.

• 31:35Sam Morril?

  It's already a germ fucking cesspool there.

• 31:36Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 31:37Sam Morril?

  And I'm not the biggest germaphobe. It's just fucking nasty.

• 31:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like.

• 31:40Sam Morril?

  We got the glass for a reason.

• 31:41Mark Normand?

  I want the, the pico, give me the lettuce. And you're like, they know what lettuce is. You can just say lettuce. Like pointing to lettuce isn't like, oh, now I get it, you know? So that's annoying.

• 31:51Sam Morril?

  The guy who doesn't think they speak English.

• 31:52Mark Normand?

  I guess so, yeah. But I think they've been there long enough to know lettuce and whatever, peppers.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  I got one to tag on yours, if that's.

• 32:01Mark Normand?

  Please, please.

• 32:03Speaker 01

  You ever like order a burger and then it comes with mayo and you're like, I didn't order mayo and they take it back and they just scrape the mayo off and give you the same fucking burger?

• 32:11Sam Morril?

  That's a fucking weird move.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:13Mark Normand?

  That's a bad burger.

• 32:14Sam Morril?

  The, this, if there's like a special sauce that comes on it, that's one thing, but just putting like ketchup or mayo on before is a fucking weird move.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  I'll do that.

• 32:21Sam Morril?

  Let me do that.

• 32:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 32:23Sam Morril?

  You order a burger someplace, they have the, if it's like also known for a burger place, I let them like, all right, it's your place, you do your thing.

• 32:29Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 32:30Sam Morril?

  If you're at like Manetta or something like that, even the cellar, they got that good burger.

• 32:34Mark Normand?

  Great burger.

• 32:35Sam Morril?

  But yeah, I'm with you. I, I hate a, mayo is bold, but I fucking, I'm, I always, I never related to that Pulp Fiction scene where he's pissed about the mayo and the fries.

• 32:43Mark Normand?

  No.

• 32:44Sam Morril?

  Cause I fucking love mayo and fries.

• 32:45Mark Normand?

  No, thank you.

• 32:46Sam Morril?

  That's like the, you don't like that?

• 32:47Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 32:48Sam Morril?

  Fucking delicious. Why, what do you?

• 32:51Mark Normand?

  I'm a ketchup, I like, I'm a mustard guy over ketchup.

• 32:55Sam Morril?

  Mustard on fries?

• 32:56Mark Normand?

  Well, not on fries, just as a general.

• 32:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I love mustard.

• 32:59Mark Normand?

  But yeah, ketchup on a fry is the way to go, but a mayo, oof. Where you at on, are you one of these ranch guys?

• 33:04Sam Morril?

  Nah.

• 33:05Mark Normand?

  Dip the pizza in ranch, dip the bread in ranch, okay.

• 33:08Sam Morril?

  I don't, I get why people do, but I don't like ranch that much. I like, even wings on blue cheese.

• 33:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, love blue cheese.

• 33:15Sam Morril?

  But, uh, no, I've never been big on ranch.

• 33:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, I don't mind a little ranch on a salad, but yeah, these guys would dip it in everything. Now ranch comes on Papa John's, they give you a pack of ranch.

• 33:27Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 33:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's how big it's gotten.

• 33:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, man, I, I'm never, I'm, I'm happy with just regular pizza.

• 33:34Mark Normand?

  Same.

• 33:34Sam Morril?

  I don't need the, we're, we're doing enough.

• 33:37Mark Normand?

  I will say, in my poor days, I would go ham on the garlic and the red pepper, just because it was something free.

• 33:43Sam Morril?

  And it also just changed it up.

• 33:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 33:46Sam Morril?

  I mean, we ate so much dollar pizza, I remember, I, we did it at my show, I remember dollar pizza.

• 33:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:51Sam Morril?

  Every week, I was like, yeah, I'm fucking eating this.

• 33:53Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 33:54Sam Morril?

  But then, you're like, this is bad.

• 33:56Mark Normand?

  It's bad.

• 33:57Sam Morril?

  You're kind of like, what's the catch? And then 30 minutes later, you're like, oh yeah, I have to live with this inside me.

• 34:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:01Sam Morril?

  That's the catch.

• 34:02Mark Normand?

  It's like, it's like a yoga mat material.

• 34:06Sam Morril?

  It's not good, and it wasn't like real cheese, I don't think, it was fucking, but then you're also like, I spent eight dollars and I got a pie. I have no right to be upset.

• 34:14Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 34:15Sam Morril?

  I would eat a lot of the hot dogs at Rudy's, that was a fucking hack.

• 34:18Mark Normand?

  Ooh, I did that too, but yeah, they'll get you.

• 34:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, because you think you're like, when you're drunk, you're like, this is amazing, and then the next morning, you're like, even at like 24, you're like, I feel like fucking hell. When it's fucking up your body and you're that young.

• 34:31Mark Normand?

  True.

• 34:32Sam Morril?

  The beer, because the beer is like two bucks.

• 34:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:35Sam Morril?

  God, that bar is awesome, though.

• 34:37Mark Normand?

  And it's still there, baby.

• 34:38Sam Morril?

  It's a great, that's a, that's a good treasure, that bar, Rudy's Bar and Grill.

• 34:41Mark Normand?

  And that's, you walk in, you see the pig, you walk out with one.

• 34:47Mark Normand?

  That's the, that's the motto.

• 34:48Sam Morril?

  Bourdain, that was one of Bourdain's.

• 34:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 34:50Sam Morril?

  He popped in there, yeah, he, he knew what New York, what cool New York spots were.

• 34:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:55Sam Morril?

  Corner bistro he made cool, I feel like.

• 34:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's right, that's a great fucking bar.

• 34:59Sam Morril?

  It's another cash only.

• 35:00Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 35:01Sam Morril?

  Cash only can get annoying, though.

• 35:03Mark Normand?

  I know. Come on, I gotta go to the ATM. I'm gonna be here a while.

• 35:06Sam Morril?

  Aren't these people worried about getting robbed?

• 35:08Mark Normand?

  Ah, never thought about that.

• 35:10Sam Morril?

  That was a guy, remember we were at the comic strip one night? Joe Mackey and I were just like pointing and laughing at this picture of this fat guy. We're like, who's this fat guy? And then they were like, he was the money guy at the comic strip and he got shot in the head and robbed. And we're like, sorry, we were laughing.

• 35:23Mark Normand?

  Ah, jeez. He was a real cash cow. Okay.

• 35:28Sam Morril?

  But you're like, that was the thing, when you had to just deliver the cash.

• 35:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was big.

• 35:33Sam Morril?

  Digital's safer.

• 35:36Mark Normand?

  That's true. I never thought about that. Remember guys would walk around with like a dummy? Colin Quinn had that joke about a 20-

• 35:42Speaker 01

  Mugger money.

• 35:42Mark Normand?

  Mugger money. That was it.

• 35:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 35:44Mark Normand?

  You had real money and mugger money. Just so you can only give one away.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  And then the joke was, you would give him the mugger money, he'd be like, I know it's a mugger money, where's the real money?

• 35:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, the line he said, I don't have any money. He's like, we have your mugger money.

• 35:59Mark Normand?

  That's what it is.

• 36:02Sam Morril?

  CQ with the best New York jokes.

• 36:04Mark Normand?

  He did. He had that great joke about how cops and black kids started talking, they flipped, you know? Like, black people like, don't do that, man. That's a 4.8 or whatever. And then the cops like, young brother, get over here, get over here.

• 36:18Sam Morril?

  That's great.

• 36:20Mark Normand?

  Let me check your pockets or whatever.

• 36:21Sam Morril?

  He's such a good observation.

• 36:22Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 36:23Sam Morril?

  I love his joke about how the L train used to be the scariest thing. Now you get on it, it looks like a ski lift.

• 36:28Mark Normand?

  Ah, ski lift is perfect. Damn.

• 36:32Sam Morril?

  Colin Quinn, the king. Watch New York Story on Netflix if you haven't seen it. That's a fucking masterpiece.

• 36:37Mark Normand?

  Masterpiece.

• 36:38Sam Morril?

  He already told me after his heart attack, I was like, what did you think? And he goes, thank God I shot New York Story already.

• 36:43Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 36:44Sam Morril?

  That's what a fucking comic he is.

• 36:45Mark Normand?

  I love that.

• 36:46Sam Morril?

  I'm like, nothing about like a loved one or anything?

• 36:48Mark Normand?

  No, he's a married guy, too.

• 36:51Mark Normand?

  Good for him. That's a great piece of New York art.

• 36:55Sam Morril?

  New York art and history. Like, you actually learn a little bit watching it.

• 36:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:59Sam Morril?

  It's like a kind of a lesson on New York. Like, oh yeah, this is amazing.

• 37:02Mark Normand?

  When he breaks down every ethnicity in a classroom, you know? And he's like, the sassy black chick, she's like, she's like, sit down, Shaquika, for the teacher. And she's like, I thought Lincoln freed the slaves.

• 37:15Mark Normand?

  And I grew up with that girl, so that's, that hits home. How Italian guys are, uh, they're tough as shit, but they're scared of the weirdest things. You know, they'll be like, "I'll fucking kill you, I'll, I'll beat your ass," whatever. And he's like, "Whoa, what's that, yogurt?" Jesus Christ. Get that away.

• 37:28Sam Morril?

  Damn, it's also real, that's why.

• 37:29Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 37:30Sam Morril?

  God, he's good.

• 37:31Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah, man.

• 37:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so yeah, the Knicks game, we, we did, we had to talk about the photo.

• 37:37Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah, we got a photo with, uh, Ben Stiller, Jimmy Fallon. Fallon walked up to Norman and was like, Mark kinda whispered to me, he's like, "I had a good set in front of Fallon the other night." And then Fallon comes over like, "Dude, great set." And Mark kinda gave me like a smile, I was like, "Alright."

• 37:50Mark Normand?

  Told you.

• 37:51Sam Morril?

  Pretty cool.

• 37:52Mark Normand?

  That was cool. And then, uh, Stiller was a little standoffish, but, uh,

• 37:55Sam Morril?

  No, he's cool.

• 37:56Mark Normand?

  He was cool, he's just so famous.

• 37:57Sam Morril?

  You know what he is? He's such a big Knicks fan. And he was feeling the pain. I felt the same way.

• 38:01Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 38:02Sam Morril?

  He was upset about the game.

• 38:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he wanted to duck out of there, you could see, and we had to call him back for the photo.

• 38:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but it was a fun photo, comedy photo, through Sam Jay in there. And, uh, No, but I could tell, uh, He was effective. And also Brunson got injured. I mean, that game sucked to be, that's a good pick.

• 38:19Mark Normand?

  That was tough, yeah.

• 38:20Sam Morril?

  Look at that.

• 38:22Mark Normand?

  Look at that big Irish head on Fallon, huh?

• 38:25Sam Morril?

  I love, I'm so happy you wore the Brunson jersey.

• 38:27Mark Normand?

  I know, I'm glad I got that in.

• 38:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude, no, that was a, that was a tough game. It sucks when they fucking, not only do you lose, it'll be injuries, man.

• 38:35Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 38:35Sam Morril?

  It's a long season, it'll be alright.

• 38:37Mark Normand?

  At least we got to hang out with Spike Lee, though. That's the, that's the upside.

• 38:40Sam Morril?

  I got a fist bump from Josh Hart, too.

• 38:41Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 38:42Sam Morril?

  That was pretty epic.

• 38:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was big.

• 38:44Sam Morril?

  I got one from Sprewell, too.

• 38:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, oh yeah, that's right.

• 38:47Sam Morril?

  During the game? No, we, we were like having a bite upstairs and, and Spre walked in, I'm like, "Dude, that's Latrell Sprewell." And he walked by and he was like, "Yo," and he, and he gave me a bump.

• 38:56Mark Normand?

  He knew you?

• 38:57Sam Morril?

  I sat next to him at a game once and we hit it off.

• 38:59Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 39:00Sam Morril?

  And I, I was being really silly and dumb and, and distracting the other team. I would like stand up whenever at the free throw line, I'd do a thing where I'd just start stomping like this under the rim.

• 39:07Mark Normand?

  And he choked you?

• 39:08Sam Morril?

  And he, no. I told him about that, he didn't know that. So Sprewell, if you don't know, choked his coach in Golden State, which is the fucking most hilarious. And also the Knicks signed him.

• 39:18Mark Normand?

  Right?

• 39:18Sam Morril?

  And it worked. It keeps getting crazier, like, that guy who choked his coach, we should have him on our team.

• 39:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:24Sam Morril?

  And he was great for us. He was a great player. But, he walked by and, uh... I was like, oh, that was one of my favorite players ever. And they walked by, it was really friendly, so.

• 39:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, very cool.

• 39:34Sam Morril?

  Fucking Spree.

• 39:35Mark Normand?

  Giant man.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  You're living your fucking childhood dream.

• 39:38Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  Mattingly, Spree Well?

• 39:41Sam Morril?

  Well, didn't go well in front of Mattingly. Didn't go well in front of Mattingly. That was a bad.

• 39:45Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Whatever, you met him.

• 39:46Sam Morril?

  Mattingly was definitely like, get this fucking guy away from me.

• 39:49Mark Normand?

  No, you got the photo.

• 39:51Sam Morril?

  I got the photo. I think he's a nice guy, but I was like, they were like, they walked over to me like, oh, he's a huge fan. He was like, oh, cool. He was nice, but I'm sure he was like, that was a disaster. I'm sure he was like, he was like, get this fucking bad luck away from me. I'm trying to land another job. I'm like William H. Macy in the cooler. I'm bringing my stink onto him.

• 40:10Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 40:10Sam Morril?

  No, I felt, that was, it sucks when you bomb a gig and they're not even mad. They're just like disappointed. That's what it felt like, because they were like, oh, he's like a nice guy. He just fucking bombed.

• 40:20Mark Normand?

  But what, I mean, it's on them. Their act works. It's not like you went in there with open miking shit.

• 40:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, I think it was just one of those things where, uh, you know the feeling though, where you get off and they're not like, what were you thinking? They're just like, ah, gee. They're just like more just like annoyed.

• 40:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:35Sam Morril?

  Piscopo was trying to cheer me up. That was the funniest part. I'm like, life is so weird. Joe Piscopo in a tuxedo is like, kid, let me tell you some stories about the good old days. He's telling me Rodney stories. He's telling me Seinfeld stories.

• 40:47Mark Normand?

  He's treating like the kid in the burn ward. Come on, it's gonna be alright.

• 40:51Sam Morril?

  I'm not gonna make it, Joe. Say it ain't so, Joe.

• 40:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, I did a, did a corporate for a pharmaceutical company in Philly. They took me out on a limo. I had to get a, they bought me a tuxedo. They had it like fitted for me. This is high end shit.

• 41:04Sam Morril?

  And you kept it?

• 41:05Mark Normand?

  No, they took it back.

• 41:07Sam Morril?

  They got it fitted and they took it back?

• 41:08Mark Normand?

  They took it back. That's how bad I bombed. Shopify. Starting your own business can be overwhelming. Shopify is the platform that helps you turn an idea into a real business. Shopify powers millions of businesses and 10% of all e-commerce in the US. From household names like Mattel and Jim Shark to brand new creators starting from scratch, Shopify gives you the tools to build a storefront, create content, handle payments, manage inventory, and run marketing campaigns all in one place. You can choose from hundreds of ready to use templates. Use Shopify's AI tools to write product descriptions and headlines and use built-in email and social tools to reach new customers. Shopify even supports you with expert guidance

• 41:48Mark Normand?

  and 24/7 customer help. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Turn your big business idea into cha-ching with Shopify on your side. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com/Drunk. Go to Shopify.com/Drunk. Shopify.com/Drunk.

• 42:11Sam Morril?

  Holiday cooking is here and if your current pans can't handle high heat or burn everything, it's time for an upgrade. Hexclad combines stainless steel strength with non-stick convenience and their pans look great on your stove top. You've got perfect sears, fast heating, easy cleanup, and durability that lasts a lifetime. Their six-piece set is a perfect starter kit. With their most popular pans and lids, their 12-piece set includes everything you need to cook, for a family, or host holiday gatherings, including pans, saucepans, and a big stock pot. All with Hexclad's patented hybrid technology and lifetime warranty. These are dishwasher safe, metal utensil safe, oven safe up to 500 degrees, induction ready, and have very cool handles. They are simply some of the best pans you'll ever own. I've

• 42:55Sam Morril?

  got some of these in the mail. I've been making eggs on this bad boy constantly.

• 42:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:59Sam Morril?

  Love this. It's my new go-to pan.

• 43:01Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 43:02Sam Morril?

  Highly recommend. And they're big, too. I love a big pan.

• 43:04Mark Normand?

  Big, sexy, they're sleek. My mom's been cooking with them all week.

• 43:08Sam Morril?

  I stuck the handle up my ass. It feels amazing.

• 43:10Mark Normand?

  Smooth.

• 43:11Sam Morril?

  Smooth. This season, to not just shop for gifts, give the upgrade every kitchen deserves. Visit hexclad.com and cook like a pro all holiday long. Treat yourself or give the gift of cookware that delivers for every meal, every gathering, every season. That's H-E-X-C-L-A-D.com. Hexclad.com. Soul is a wellness brand that makes feeling good simple. Their out-of-office gummies deliver a mild relaxing buzz that boosts your mood and helps you unwind. With five different strengths, you can tailor your dose from a micro 1.5-milligram gummy all the way to their 15-milligram elevated ...rated experience. These are designed to give you relaxation without the hangover, bloat, or calories you get from alcohol. Although alcohol's cool, too.

• 43:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:56Sam Morril?

  Their out-of-office beverage is a refreshing zero-alcohol option for movie nights, hanging with friends, or unwinding after a long day. Soul offers Sleepy Gummies, one of their top-rated options for deep, restorative sleep. Every product is made with organically-farmed, USA-grown hemp, and all of them are vegan, gluten-free, low-sugar, and federally legal. Take advantage of Soul's Black Friday/Cyber Monday deal now. For a limited time, get 40% off your entire order. That's getsoul.com and use the code WMBD. That's getsoul.com promo code WMBD for 40% off. Do not miss their best deal of the year.

• 44:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. These are not your average jeans. These jeans are all about comfort, stretch, and actually fitting real bodies. No stiff denim, no crushed nuts, no saggy diaper, just soft, stretchy perfection that moves with you. You can bend, lift, run errands, chase kids, uh-oh, hit dates, and never feel restricted. The Perfect Jean has six fits, a wide range of sizes, including waist up to 50 inches and length up to 38. Wow! Giving you over 5,000 ways to find a perfect match. Over 400,000 men of all shapes and ages love these jeans more than 30,000 5-star reviews, all saying the same thing: You should not have to choose between comfort and style.

• 45:16Mark Normand?

  Their lineup also includes buttery, soft tees that make your chest and arms pop without clinging to your stomach, everyday comfort shorts that gives your thighs the breathing room they deserve, and den khakis right here that look office-ready but feel like joggers. Look at this. Look at this movement.

• 45:33Sam Morril?

  That is good movement right there.

• 45:34Mark Normand?

  Good movement. Whether you're bending down to fix the printer or heading out for the night, these pants keep you looking good and feeling good all day. For a limited time, our listeners get 15% off their first order plus free shipping at theperfectjean.nyc, or Google "The Perfect Jean" and use code DRUNK15 for 15% off. That is 15% off for new customers at theperfectjean.nyc with promo code DRUNK15. After your purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them we sent you, baby! Fuck your khakis and get your Perfect Jean! They were like, get back, and I had to get an Uber home, or an Amtrak, or a Feng Hua, or something.

• 46:12Sam Morril?

  Bob Costas was in that crowd too, he's like, "I'm having a bad week."

• 46:16Sam Morril?

  What was happening?

• 46:16Mark Normand?

  Probably like, seven years ago, but it was in this beautiful Philly hotel, and it was an award show for like, it was called like, The Farmies, or something, and it was for all these drugs, and I had to do opening, then I had to bring up every guy, and do like, they did a da-da-da, and they'd go up to the podium and give a little speech, and I had to do all these cue cards, and notes, and everything, I got fired after the opening.

• 46:37Sam Morril?

  Wow, but they still paid you?

• 46:39Mark Normand?

  They paid me, believe it or not, my manager had to really fight the guy on the phone, but uh, the opening was so bad, because the owner's, or the head guy's wife flipped.

• 46:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 46:49Mark Normand?

  Because they did a vibrator joke, and uh,

• 46:51Sam Morril?

  What are we doing?

• 46:52Mark Normand?

  She flipped out, she chewed him out in the lobby, and she was like, "If you don't get rid of him, whatever, I'm walking."

• 46:56Sam Morril?

  Imagine being that successful and rich, and marrying a humorless fucking person like that.

• 47:01Mark Normand?

  That's a great point.

• 47:01Sam Morril?

  What a bum, like, you made it financially, you probably have an insane house, and then you come home to a woman's like, "What was that?"

• 47:07Mark Normand?

  Exact, over a joke, at a comedy show.

• 47:09Sam Morril?

  Fuck you.

• 47:10Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 47:11Sam Morril?

  Bore.

• 47:12Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 47:13Sam Morril?

  You're a bore.

• 47:14Mark Normand?

  So I got offstage, I was like, "Oh, I bombed, what are you gonna do, that sucks," but I knew I had to do the whole presentation, all night, and they were like, "Uh, we're gonna need the tuxedo, and uh, you gotta get out of here."

• 47:24Sam Morril?

  He's naked?

• 47:26Sam Morril?

  He's in his underwear? Just hailing a taxi?

• 47:30Sam Morril?

  That's a good bit.

• 47:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true story, brutal, brutal, just stop hiring comedians you don't know about. If you're gonna get uh, Gilbert Gottfried, he's gonna say fucked up shit, you know?

• 47:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 47:41Mark Normand?

  Don't act surprised.

• 47:41Sam Morril?

  They had him killed. They killed Gottfried.

• 47:44Mark Normand?

  Amplak, yeah.

• 47:45Sam Morril?

  Damn, no, I know the feeling, I mean, those private things are the worst, because you're like, I mean, clearly I'm here for the money, you know, but also for that one, I was kinda like, "Well, this is cool, it's baseball, I love sports."

• 47:55Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 47:55Sam Morril?

  So, this is kinda cool, but then when it goes, I mean, it's so amazing how different the night could be when it goes well. There was like, an after-party, they're like, "Are you coming?", I'm like, "No."

• 48:03Mark Normand?

  Oh god.

• 48:04Sam Morril?

  You think I wanna fuck, you think I wanna, you think these people wanna see me? No, I'm ducking out.

• 48:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:08Sam Morril?

  But they were all very nice, that's the hardest part, is when they're, they don't fire you, and they're nice.

• 48:14Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 48:14Sam Morril?

  And you just feel like you let them down.

• 48:16Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 48:17Sam Morril?

  It's the not, I'm, I'm not mad, but I'm disappointed energy.

• 48:20Mark Normand?

  Sure, and you did the full thirty?

• 48:22Sam Morril?

  I think I did like twenty-five.

• 48:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's, that's a while.

• 48:24Sam Morril?

  It was rough.

• 48:25Mark Normand?

  That's a long time to bomb.

• 48:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I saw the light and I was like, thank fucking god.

• 48:30Mark Normand?

  Wow, so he's like, light me with five left.

• 48:33Sam Morril?

  I got off on a joke that bombed. I was like, what do you want me to do? I was, I tried, I tried everything, dude. I tried all my like, I'm doing like jokes that kill on Conan Fallon, like late night jokes. And they're just not hitting. I'm just like, this is a clean joke.

• 48:45Mark Normand?

  Wow, damn, that is tough. You got paid.

• 48:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 48:49Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 48:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I, but I heard the story of this other guy who didn't, and I was like, they made him give the check back and it was like that bad.

• 48:55Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 48:56Sam Morril?

  So like, at least they could tell I tried.

• 48:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:58Sam Morril?

  Maybe that's worse.

• 49:00Mark Normand?

  Oh my god. I mean, you know my famous story where I, the guy flew me to Toronto, crazy money. And he, I get to the, he's like, have dinner with us first. So I was like, alright, Italian joint, beautiful restaurant, food was insanely expensive. It's a bunch of real estate guys, and he's like, I'm a big fan, I watch you with my son, you gotta do this bit, this bit. So I'm like, this guy's quoting my, he's, this guy, I'm gonna kill.

• 49:23Sam Morril?

  This is when you know you bombed though. Like older men, that, back then, I'm like, yeah, it's gonna go well. Now I'm like, I know I'm set up for failure.

• 49:30Mark Normand?

  I didn't know then, but uh, so I go, we, the room was upstairs, it was a beautiful ballroom, and it was like a-

• 49:36Sam Morril?

  Ballroom too, it's a kiss of death.

• 49:38Mark Normand?

  Fisher Price, Mike, they couldn't get it going, that whole thing with the feedback, and he's, I was supposed to do an hour. And he's in the front row, and I'm bombing so bad, and he's looking at me, I could see the guy the whole time, and he's looking at me like, what are you doing? What are you doing?

• 49:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they don't get it.

• 49:53Mark Normand?

  They don't get it.

• 49:54Sam Morril?

  People don't understand when, how often we can bomb these, cuz just like, yeah, we need the right situation.

• 50:00Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 50:01Sam Morril?

  This isn't magic, it's like, we got it, the room's gotta be right, the people have gotta be like, set up for it.

• 50:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:07Sam Morril?

  Otherwise, it's straight, they're like, why is this person, I could tell they're like, why is he still here?

• 50:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 50:12Sam Morril?

  Which is the worst feeling as an entertainer, overstaying your welcome, like, all you wanna do is leave him wanting more as an entertainer.

• 50:17Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 50:18Sam Morril?

  So it's the worst when you're like, oh, I'm dragging on, I know it's bad.

• 50:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:22Sam Morril?

  Have the self-awareness to know this is not working.

• 50:24Mark Normand?

  Did you comment going, I've, I've realized this is weird?

• 50:27Sam Morril?

  I had to, yeah.

• 50:28Mark Normand?

  Okay, no, I think you should.

• 50:29Sam Morril?

  There we go.

• 50:30Mark Normand?

  Talk about hell gigs.

• 50:32Sam Morril?

  What the fuck is this?

• 50:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I didn't know this was this when I signed up for it.

• 50:36Sam Morril?

  How the fuck did, give me a break.

• 50:38Mark Normand?

  Well, it's called like Hot Show or something. So I was like, oh, alright.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  So if you're just listening, Mark did a show in a sauna, a fully turned up 115 degree sauna to a crowd of people in bikinis and underwear. This guy looks naked.

• 50:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was a great moment too, because we're, we're shooting something at the moment. So I had five sets and you were coming all the sets. And we go here and they won't let Salikus in because everyone there was hot.

• 51:03Sam Morril?

  Oh, no, no, no.

• 51:05Mark Normand?

  But they won't, they won't let him in because they're like, you have to have a bathing suit.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  Man, I know that you forgot your bathing suit too, to your own show.

• 51:11Mark Normand?

  I lied and said I got mine. So I went in and I just covered up with a towel. But, uh, they wouldn't let Salikus in. I was like, ah, fuck. I feel bad. You're sitting out in the cold. And I turn around, in fucks this guy with no shirt on. It's Salikus. I was like, what the hell?

• 51:26Sam Morril?

  So you started filming?

• 51:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:28Sam Morril?

  And how, how did the, did the crowd laugh a lot?

• 51:30Mark Normand?

  They were great. They were great. I gotta say, because I think once you're in there, you're gonna laugh. Like, if you took the time to do this, you want to see a show.

• 51:37Sam Morril?

  Let me say, not everything has to be a comedy show.

• 51:39Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 51:40Sam Morril?

  What are we doing?

• 51:41Mark Normand?

  I hear ya.

• 51:42Sam Morril?

  Sometimes, sometimes a sauna is just a sauna.

• 51:44Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 51:45Sam Morril?

  Why?

• 51:46Mark Normand?

  I will say, this is a, if you're a single guy, go to this fucking place. It's just hot girl after hot girl. They're all in bikinis and it's, it's coed or whatever. So they just co-mingle and, uh, ice plunge together, sauna together. There's a bar back there.

• 52:00Sam Morril?

  There's a bar in the sauna?

• 52:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what's it called? Uh, Other Ship. The Other Ship.

• 52:05Sam Morril?

  That's gotta be rough though. You're, you're dehydrating yourself on so many levels.

• 52:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. I think this is just a hookup thing. Like, that's, that's gotta be all this is.

• 52:13Sam Morril?

  Mark's gonna be next week. There's a picture of him at like an Eyes Wide Shut party. He's like, I didn't know. They didn't tell me in the, they didn't tell me in the invite.

• 52:20Mark Normand?

  Pull up the Epstein Island set, I did.

• 52:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, crazy, crazy gig, but they were good and I opened up, I said, uh, I feel like I'm in hell. You know, except there's no gays or something. But yeah, it was, uh, it was a lot of fun and they laughed. 10 minute set.

• 52:37Sam Morril?

  Where, where is this?

• 52:38Mark Normand?

  This is on 24th and...

• 52:40Speaker 01

  Sorry, 20th.

• 52:42Mark Normand?

  20th and 5th, between 5th and 6th.

• 52:44Sam Morril?

  And the whole place is like a sauna type hell, what is it?

• 52:46Speaker 01

  It's a spa.

• 52:46Mark Normand?

  Sauna, cold plunge, uh, those crazy showers, yeah.

• 52:52Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  You got stain on your towel there.

• 52:55Mark Normand?

  That's a shadow. Oh no, I'm just pissing myself out of nerves. I think I sat in something, but yeah.

• 53:02Sam Morril?

  Damn, dude.

• 53:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good times.

• 53:05Sam Morril?

  I saw you right after this happened.

• 53:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:07Sam Morril?

  We had a, we had a stop and chat in the street.

• 53:09Mark Normand?

  The irony is I sweat less here than you did at the baseball show.

• 53:12Sam Morril?

  I mean, there's no doubt. There's no, dude, I, the, the flop sweat is funny because it's like a cartoon thing, but that shit's real.

• 53:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's real.

• 53:19Sam Morril?

  You just start getting drenched, like, I never sweat. But I also had a thing in Utah where I was like, do you ever have like a near panic attack on stage where you're just like, I never had that, I'm not, like, I have anxiety, but it hits me, like, I can usually flush it out on stage. It usually hits me like, trying to sleep, you ever just trying to sleep and you piss like 14 times?

• 53:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:39Sam Morril?

  Before a flight, like, you just can't sleep, you're wired, your heart's racing, you're thinking of all the bad shit, whatever.

• 53:44Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 53:44Sam Morril?

  But, I'm pretty good at washing that on stage, I like being on stage. But I had like, I don't know why, Vito and I were just pounding coffee all day, maybe it's the altitude there, maybe it's the, you know, the mountains, I don't know.

• 53:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:56Sam Morril?

  But, we both had like near panic attacks on stage, I got off, I'm like, dude, and he was like, me too, I fucking, I'm on stage, I'm just like, I can't breathe.

• 54:03Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 54:04Sam Morril?

  And my camera guy, Brian, the slow eater, was like, uh, he goes, uh, I could tell something, like, it was going well, but I could tell something was off.

• 54:11Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 54:12Sam Morril?

  I could just tell your delivery, like, you're not... Like you looked in your head. I was like, yeah, I was fucking freaking out.

• 54:17Mark Normand?

  So you didn't bring it up or anything? You didn't?

• 54:19Sam Morril?

  No, I mean, I was killing. They were great.

• 54:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 54:21Sam Morril?

  Great crowd. So I was like, why, why bring it up if I'm not? I made a couple of jokes like, you know, this mountain air is not made for Jews. Like, I definitely had some like allergy shit where I'm like, and then you pop some nasal cord. I'm like, oh, I'm good. This is fucking straight up allergies. Yeah.

• 54:34Mark Normand?

  Right. No, that altitude is no joke.

• 54:36Sam Morril?

  It's crazy.

• 54:37Mark Normand?

  It's crazy.

• 54:37Sam Morril?

  The hangovers too.

• 54:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, the hangovers are bad. You get drunk faster. You get out of breath faster.

• 54:42Sam Morril?

  I was pounding, after the Saturday show, I was pounding vodka. I was like, let me just fucking just, I was like chugging vodka. I was like, let me just, let me, let me Nicolas Cage leaving Las Vegas this shit real quick. Except there was no Elizabeth shoe. I'll tell you, that hotel room was lonely.

• 54:58Speaker 01

  Can I ask you a quick question? So you guys have sort of mastered public speaking, obviously. Um, and you said you had a panic attack on stage. What are your anxiety dreams?

• 55:07Sam Morril?

  Not quite, but it was like in the vicinity.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  What are your anxiety dreams like when you're sleeping? You're like, whoa.

• 55:12Sam Morril?

  That I'm a failure, that I'm like a fucking, that I'm just like, uh, that I'm like, oh shit, I'm making a movie. I'm like, god, I fucked this up. I could have done this.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  I'm not talking about like when you're having anxiety thoughts. I'm talking when you, when you're dreaming and it's like the same thing over and over again and you're having a dream.

• 55:26Sam Morril?

  Like, in a, oh geez, I don't remember. I don't really write them down. Do you write them?

• 55:29Mark Normand?

  I had a dream last night that I walked in on my wife and there were two kids instead of one. And I was like, what the hell? And then you're like, is it mine? Is it, now we have to take care of two kids? That was my panic anxiety dream. That was last night.

• 55:42Sam Morril?

  That's so funny that your nightmare is probably what she wants the future to be.

• 55:46Speaker 01

  A family.

• 55:47Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  There's a family.

• 55:49Sam Morril?

  But I get it. But it's like a mindfuck. That's what it is.

• 55:52Mark Normand?

  Exactly. Yeah, joint bank account. That's the word.

• 55:55Sam Morril?

  Dude, I mean, that's, I get that though. Yeah, like confusion, like mindfuck stuff. That's when you're like, it's not even scary. You're just like, it's like that Sopranos episode where he's in a coma and he's just Kevin Finnerty and you're like, what? But it's like kind of scary because you're like, this is so fucking weird.

• 56:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 56:09Sam Morril?

  What was with that episode? I never got it.

• 56:11Mark Normand?

  It was just eerie. Yeah, that's a good analogy.

• 56:13Sam Morril?

  It was just supposed to be weird? I don't know. I mean.

• 56:15Mark Normand?

  Like, it was very David Lynch-y.

• 56:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 56:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but, but it was no reason at all.

• 56:18Sam Morril?

  I got a hot take on David Lynch.

• 56:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, hit me.

• 56:21Sam Morril?

  Don't love it.

• 56:22Mark Normand?

  I'm with you.

• 56:23Sam Morril?

  I respect it. Okay. But I don't, I like Mahollan Drive's a masterpiece, I think. But then like Twin Peaks, I feel like every character's like, "Heya, buddy, pal."

• 56:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 56:32Sam Morril?

  Why is everyone like, it's like they're fucking with you?

• 56:34Mark Normand?

  Yes, yeah, I'm with you. I, I don't get it. I will say Elephant Man is really good.

• 56:39Sam Morril?

  Never saw it.

• 56:40Mark Normand?

  But it's his first movie, I think, so he had to bring it.

• 56:42Sam Morril?

  He had to play a game.

• 56:43Mark Normand?

  It's a new comic.

• 56:44Sam Morril?

  It's like your first album.

• 56:45Mark Normand?

  It's your first album, I was gonna say, yeah.

• 56:47Sam Morril?

  You had to go slightly more broad.

• 56:48Mark Normand?

  And then you give him too much leash and they fuck it up.

• 56:50Sam Morril?

  I accept that he's great. I understand, and it's just not for me.

• 56:54Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 56:55Sam Morril?

  But like, yeah, I don't love, even in some of those movies, it just feels like every character's like fucking with you.

• 57:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, no, I'm with you.

• 57:01Sam Morril?

  It doesn't feel real.

• 57:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Like, Tim Burton is a weirdo, but it works.

• 57:05Sam Morril?

  Sometimes.

• 57:06Mark Normand?

  Sometimes. I mean, he's got Crybaby, but, uh, oh, that was Waters.

• 57:10Sam Morril?

  Waters.

• 57:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Waters.

• 57:11Sam Morril?

  It's another one that I don't really get.

• 57:12Mark Normand?

  I think it's a little overrated, yeah.

• 57:13Sam Morril?

  I don't get it.

• 57:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I think Tim Burton, he keeps it in line. It's still weird, but it's still fun.

• 57:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I remember the first time I saw Nightmare Before Christmas as a kid, I was like, "This is insane."

• 57:22Mark Normand?

  That's genius.

• 57:23Sam Morril?

  I was blown away.

• 57:24Mark Normand?

  The music is great, the animation's great, that movie's incredible.

• 57:27Sam Morril?

  It's just different, like, think about like having your mind conceive that, like, it's like when you told me to watch the Scorsese doc, and it's just like how he just visualized every scene in the fucking movie. Like Goodfellas, Casino, he just saw it before it happened, and you're like, "That's incredible." Like, that's, it's like being an artist, where you're like, "Oh, this is what we do, this is how it'll look, this is how it'll flow."

• 57:46Mark Normand?

  Totally an artist. Like, when that last scene where he's, they're talking about Flower Moon, and he's got that giant board, he's on a stool, and he's putting like note cards on a board to, to the storyboarding, and it's gotta be like sixty-eight note cards, and you're like, "That was all in his head." It's insane. And he's eighty, whatever.

• 58:03Sam Morril?

  He gives it everything, man.

• 58:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:06Sam Morril?

  You see it sometimes, and you're like, you don't have to suffer for what you do, but maybe a little ain't the worst.

• 58:13Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 58:14Sam Morril?

  But then you see so many people we love, and we're like, "Man, they're like suffering." Also, I didn't realize, like, yeah, I mean, you talked about this on one of the episodes, but like the amount of shit he got for Last Temptation, I didn't know, you know?

• 58:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:25Sam Morril?

  I was a baby, probably.

• 58:26Mark Normand?

  He said the most shit he got, though, was Wolf of Wall Street, because the internet was now around, so you can get more shit.

• 58:32Sam Morril?

  God, they're the new picket people. It's just people like, "I didn't like this."

• 58:35Mark Normand?

  Exactly. And they're the new picket people, but there's, instead of the picket, which is like 50 people outside of there, this is millions and millions of people.

• 58:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it used to just be like the local news picking it up.

• 58:45Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 58:45Sam Morril?

  And now it's like people who are like outraged, gets retweets, I don't know.

• 58:49Mark Normand?

  Well, I heard Seth MacFarlane once say, when he started Family Guy, he would get bags, like garbage bags of hate mail. Like, "This is offensive, you should be ashamed of yourself," and they would just throw it in this big incinerator. But now, the internet, you can't throw it away.

• 59:02Sam Morril?

  Which, by the way, that's gotta be so satisfying.

• 59:04Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 59:05Sam Morril?

  Like, the act of just...

• 59:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:06Sam Morril?

  It's not as fun to just not check. I feel better to like, throw something in the fire.

• 59:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly. But then again, the show's hilarious and it's still on the air or whatever, so like, you just gotta keep going. Like, Scorsese just kept going.

• 59:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and then it's like, you do it for you. Like, if you miss, you miss, and then you come back with something better, you know?

• 59:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I also loved how they, he's got like, eight wives in that documentary.

• 59:29Sam Morril?

  And they don't go into any detail on how the matter just fall apart?

• 59:32Mark Normand?

  I love it.

• 59:33Sam Morril?

  He's like, "Oh, now I have a new wife." We're like, "Wait, what happened to the..."

• 59:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:35Sam Morril?

  "What happened to that last one there?"

• 59:37Mark Normand?

  It's a new trend, because every documentary five years ago was like, "Now here's the scandal," and you're like, "No, just..."

• 59:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but he produced this, right?

• 59:43Mark Normand?

  Did he?

• 59:43Sam Morril?

  Did he not?

• 59:44Mark Normand?

  Give it a go. I don't think he did.

• 59:47Sam Morril?

  It seemed, I don't wanna use the word fluff, but it seemed a little too much focus on the work to be not produced by him.

• 59:53Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 59:53Sam Morril?

  Or maybe he was like, "I don't wanna talk..." Look, why would you wanna talk about that shit?

• 59:57Mark Normand?

  Sure, yeah. I mean, I think if you sign up, you go, "I'll do it, but leave that out."

• 1:00:02Sam Morril?

  They did have Isabella Rossellini be like, "Yeah, he would throw shit."

• 1:00:05Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 1:00:07Sam Morril?

  Funny, because it's like scary, but it's also like, a guy that tiny doing it is kinda funny.

• 1:00:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, with those eyebrows?

• 1:00:14Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:00:16Sam Morril?

  So I'm wrong.

• 1:00:16Mark Normand?

  They kept it nice. It was that lady. Forgot her name.

• 1:00:19Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:19Mark Normand?

  Emily something.

• 1:00:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, it was, it was great.

• 1:00:22Mark Normand?

  What is it?

• 1:00:24Mark Normand?

  Rebecca Miller, that's it. Yeah, she was good. Damn, I had something earlier about something else. I lost it.

• 1:00:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:32Mark Normand?

  Shit, what the hell were we talking about?

• 1:00:34Sam Morril?

  Scorsese movies.

• 1:00:36Mark Normand?

  Way before that. Lynch, yeah, Lynch is a little, uh, little much. Although the Louis episode with Lynch is fun.

• 1:00:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, look, he did a lot of cool shit too.

• 1:00:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah. But I'm with you, I don't love that eerie vibe.

• 1:00:48Sam Morril?

  He was also great in the Spielberg movie.

• 1:00:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just.

• 1:00:54Sam Morril?

  Fableman's.

• 1:00:55Mark Normand?

  Fableman's, yes. I thought it was good, by the way.

• 1:00:57Sam Morril?

  I liked it a lot, yeah.

• 1:00:58Mark Normand?

  It got bad reviews, but yeah.

• 1:00:59Sam Morril?

  I liked it.

• 1:01:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I don't like eerie, like even Willy Wonka as a kid. The movie's incredible, super imaginative and all that, but I just, it irked me the whole time.

• 1:01:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah, cuz you feel, I think we just don't like guys who are like, are you fucking with me?

• 1:01:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, maybe that's what it is.

• 1:01:17Sam Morril?

  That whole energy, like, you're just like, come with me, and you're like, what's happening? What's going on?

• 1:01:22Mark Normand?

  Come with me, can't you see my imagination?

• 1:01:26Sam Morril?

  He is, I love Gene Wilder.

• 1:01:28Mark Normand?

  He's a brilliant man.

• 1:01:29Sam Morril?

  And I appreciate it now, but as a kid, yeah, I didn't like it either.

• 1:01:32Mark Normand?

  Okay. We're in the same boat.

• 1:01:34Sam Morril?

  My mom would show me weird artsy shit when I was a kid. I was watching like The Red Balloon.

• 1:01:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, I saw that.

• 1:01:39Sam Morril?

  I loved that, you know? Of course, I would go off on my own and find like Ninja Turtles and stuff like that. But she was always showing me, she's like, oh, you wanna watch comedy? Uh, you'll watch Laurel and Hardy.

• 1:01:49Mark Normand?

  Wow, my mom did the same thing. That's how I found the Marx Brothers. She handed me a stack of tapes.

• 1:01:54Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, I loved it though, I would watch like the fucking March of the Wooden Soldiers again and again.

• 1:01:58Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:01:59Sam Morril?

  I mean, but, yeah, it's kinda cool, probably is why we both love movies so much, is we have moms who are like, you'll watch good stuff as a kid.

• 1:02:07Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:02:08Sam Morril?

  You can watch your, you know, Ghostbusters and stuff too, the stuff you like. But you have to watch like artsy stuff too, and then you're like, alright, then you appreciate it when you're older.

• 1:02:16Mark Normand?

  That's true, yeah, good point, yeah, my mom was such a cheap artsy bitch that she would get library movies.

• 1:02:22Sam Morril?

  Oh, sure.

• 1:02:23Mark Normand?

  So whatever the free one at the library was, so I had to watch all that horse shit.

• 1:02:26Sam Morril?

  So, like, what were you watching?

• 1:02:27Mark Normand?

  It was a lot of like Duck Soup and, uh...

• 1:02:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's great, that's like the best thing to watch.

• 1:02:31Mark Normand?

  It was great, but you're like, I just wanna watch Ernest... Goes to jail, you know, like, give me a break every now and then. I don't want to eat.

• 1:02:36Sam Morril?

  Goes to camp was the one.

• 1:02:38Mark Normand?

  That was so good.

• 1:02:39Sam Morril?

  That was the winner.

• 1:02:39Mark Normand?

  So good. Well, yeah, you need, you need to cut it with a little, uh, yeah, with a little earnest.

• 1:02:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you do. You need to cut it.

• 1:02:46Mark Normand?

  Did you watch Yahoo Sirius?

• 1:02:48Sam Morril?

  What's that?

• 1:02:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, did you remember that one?

• 1:02:50Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 1:02:51Mark Normand?

  That was big. My dad loved that one.

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  Or a movie.

• 1:02:54Mark Normand?

  It was a movie.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  I heard it.

• 1:02:56Mark Normand?

  That guy.

• 1:02:57Speaker 01

  Young Einstein. Oh, that's a guy.

• 1:02:58Mark Normand?

  Young Einstein, that was it. That, I watched UHF. I watched all that shit. Yeah.

• 1:03:03Sam Morril?

  Michael Richards before Kramer, dude.

• 1:03:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I, I had to watch, uh, my dad was a little more sophisticated. He loved British humor. So I watched a lot of, uh, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Mr. Bean I watched.

• 1:03:13Sam Morril?

  You know, you know my issue with Four Weddings and a Funeral is? It just will go like, it's kind of like sad out of nowhere. It kind of like four, I don't know. Like, I don't have an issue with sad, but it felt like, kind of like so out of nowhere.

• 1:03:22Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:03:23Sam Morril?

  That's life, but.

• 1:03:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:25Sam Morril?

  It was good. It was fine. And McDowell was hot.

• 1:03:27Mark Normand?

  Very hot. Our daughter's very hot.

• 1:03:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:30Mark Normand?

  Boy, we're getting old. Like, daughters of people who are hot are hot. Cindy Crawford, Annie McDowell.

• 1:03:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:37Mark Normand?

  Who's another one? Like Cathy Ireland? Does she have a daughter?

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  Uh, yes.

• 1:03:42Sam Morril?

  Well, we have a line in our movie where someone calls us old and you say, uh, I'm thirty-nine, the perfect age to fuck your mom or your girlfriend.

• 1:03:49Mark Normand?

  Girlfriend, yeah. That's true. Yeah, talking about a frat guy.

• 1:03:54Sam Morril?

  That's how long we've had this movie, folks.

• 1:03:55Mark Normand?

  Okay, there it is. Nailed it. Wait, how old is that daughter?

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  Uh-oh.

• 1:03:59Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:04:00Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 1:04:01Mark Normand?

  Good, good. We bet, well, I'd have to edit.

• 1:04:05Sam Morril?

  When I say hot, I meant adorable.

• 1:04:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah. That's a good save.

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  Speaking of Ghostbusters.

• 1:04:10Sam Morril?

  Wait, wait, you just changed the subject.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  Yep, pretty quick.

• 1:04:12Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:04:12Speaker 01

  I'm not. All right.

• 1:04:14Sam Morril?

  Just say it.

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  All right.

• 1:04:16Sam Morril?

  Is it that bad?

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  I don't know. I bet she's sixteen.

• 1:04:18Mark Normand?

  No way.

• 1:04:20Sam Morril?

  Well, then we'll cut this.

• 1:04:21Mark Normand?

  All right, so appropriate.

• 1:04:23Speaker 01

  How old? I don't know. I'm getting there.

• 1:04:26Sam Morril?

  This is dark.

• 1:04:27Mark Normand?

  Just read, how old's Cathy Ireland's daughter?

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Chloe.

• 1:04:31Mark Normand?

  Chloe Ireland.

• 1:04:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:04:34Mark Normand?

  That's the name of, um, Alec Baldwin's daughter's name is Ireland.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  Hmm. Imagine they had a kid together.

• 1:04:41Mark Normand?

  Thirty-six!

• 1:04:42Speaker 01

  No, that's not the right one.

• 1:04:43Mark Normand?

  Ah, fuck. That's Chloe.

• 1:04:46Speaker 01

  That's Chloe?

• 1:04:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's Chloe Agnew.

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:49Sam Morril?

  Why is this so hard? The fact that this is hard to find makes me feel like this is.

• 1:04:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. And the fact you had to sign that waiver.

• 1:04:58Sam Morril?

  Do we have two people on this right now?

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:00Sam Morril?

  We've got all our best men on this.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  Twenty-two years.

• 1:05:02Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:05:03Sam Morril?

  I mean, it's not good, but it's illegal.

• 1:05:05Mark Normand?

  It's legal, goddamn. Legal for four years.

• 1:05:07Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 1:05:08Sam Morril?

  As David Tell said, barely legal. You're not Michael Jackson, but you're living in his neighborhood.

• 1:05:15Mark Normand?

  Barely legal is insane. The fact that that's a term...

• 1:05:18Sam Morril?

  That concept is awful.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  Isn't there a club in New Orleans called Larry Flynt's Barely Legal?

• 1:05:22Mark Normand?

  That's where the skank after-party was every night.

• 1:05:24Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:05:25Mark Normand?

  Literally, it was at Barely Legal, yeah.

• 1:05:27Sam Morril?

  It's a club?

• 1:05:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:28Sam Morril?

  That's hilarious.

• 1:05:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:31Sam Morril?

  Fun?

• 1:05:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, it was great. Great time. They were a little old, though.

• 1:05:35Sam Morril?

  Oh, Stan Hope. He's the best.

• 1:05:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's a great photo. Who took that?

• 1:05:40Speaker 01

  It's Alexis.

• 1:05:41Mark Normand?

  Ah, never heard of him. Oh, yeah, that's good stuff.

• 1:05:44Sam Morril?

  We gotta get Stan Hope back.

• 1:05:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. He, uh... Tell the Stan Hope story.

• 1:05:50Speaker 01

  Which one, uh?

• 1:05:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but don't give the guy's name away.

• 1:05:52Speaker 01

  Which one?

• 1:05:53Mark Normand?

  The one with the opener. The host.

• 1:05:56Speaker 01

  Oh, gosh.

• 1:05:57Mark Normand?

  Who tried to bump him.

• 1:05:58Speaker 01

  So, uh, there was a legend show.

• 1:06:02Mark Normand?

  Legends.

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  Legend show. And, uh, two legends just backed out immediately. It was like, or it was like a 2:00 PM show. So Shane backed out and Bonnie McFarland backed out.

• 1:06:13Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:06:14Speaker 01

  So it was, uh, Pepitone, uh, Stan Hope.

• 1:06:18Mark Normand?

  Okay, legend, legend.

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  And who was the third person there? It was like, uh, maybe, I can't remember. Anyway, so some opener comes in, and he's like, "I was sent down here to fill in for Shane. I'm gonna open." And, uh, oh, it was, uh, Talon, Sam Talon.

• 1:06:34Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:06:35Speaker 01

  So the opener's like, "I was told I'm gonna open. I'm filling in for Shane."

• 1:06:40Mark Normand?

  But edit that later.

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

  So Stan Hope's like, "You know what? Uh, since no one's gonna do it, I actually have 15 minutes on what it's like to open a show like this. I can do, I can do the open, and I've got material just for this situation." And like, "Hey, I'm just doing what I'm told."

• 1:06:55Sam Morril?

  Stop saying the name for being edited.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  Oh, dude is like, "I'm just doing what I'm told, brother."

• 1:06:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:00Sam Morril?

  So he's like, "Brother."

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, he's like that. Uh, he thinks he's Eastbound and Down. That's who he thinks he is.

• 1:07:05Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:07:06Speaker 01

  Anyway, so Sam Talon's like...

• 1:07:10Speaker 01

  Look, friend, I'm not saying his name, look friend, this is a legend. He says he's opening, he's opening. You do whatever you want, you could close the show for all I care, you could be the last guy, but Stan Hope's opening. Boom.

• 1:07:23Mark Normand?

  What is he, uh, peeved?

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  No, he took it.

• 1:07:26Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  He was lowest man in that room, like, lower than me.

• 1:07:29Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:07:30Speaker 01

  That's something.

• 1:07:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. And Stan Hope's like, "I wanna open, I have a bit about opening." "Let me open." The guy's like, "No, no, I got it."

• 1:07:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you can't push back against.

• 1:07:38Speaker 01

  Stan Hope.

• 1:07:39Sam Morril?

  He's a legend.

• 1:07:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, come on. Is he Jewish? Bob Dylan is Jewish, and he's also, uh...

• 1:07:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but that's not his real name.

• 1:07:46Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:07:49Mark Normand?

  Wait, what is Bob Dylan's real name?

• 1:07:52Sam Morril?

  Look up Bob Dylan.

• 1:07:53Mark Normand?

  Joe Zimmerman. Yeah. Something Zimmerman, not Joe.

• 1:07:56Sam Morril?

  Bob Zimmerman?

• 1:07:57Mark Normand?

  Bob Zimmerman.

• 1:07:58Sam Morril?

  Joe Zimmerman, funny guy.

• 1:07:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, very funny.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  He was, Hedberg not Jewish.

• 1:08:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, Swedish Czech, he's a big whitey.

• 1:08:06Sam Morril?

  Man, Mitch Hedberg, you ever see him live?

• 1:08:08Mark Normand?

  Hmm, no, no, wish.

• 1:08:10Sam Morril?

  I tried to get tickets to McCarrollines, it was like, a couple months before he died, I'm sure it wouldn't have been him at his best, he was probably heavy on drugs then, but...

• 1:08:18Sam Morril?

  Damn dude, Hedberg was so good. I, sometimes people like, they'll hate on it.

• 1:08:22Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:22Sam Morril?

  But it really is like, so fucking, it's such good joke writing.

• 1:08:26Mark Normand?

  It's so good, so imaginative, like, "Rice is great when you're hungry for 2,000 of something," you're like, "How did you think of that? How'd you know that'd be funny?" You know?

• 1:08:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and the delivery, and his Letterman sets are fucking...

• 1:08:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, lights out.

• 1:08:38Sam Morril?

  "I'm sick of following my dreams, I'm just gonna ask where they're going and catch up with them later."

• 1:08:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:42Sam Morril?

  It's fucking great.

• 1:08:43Mark Normand?

  Uh, my mom loves those applause breaks, you know? Like, I know people don't like comedy, and I've showed them Hedberg, and they're like, "This is good."

• 1:08:50Sam Morril?

  I mean, do the Dufrains, that bit alone is like...

• 1:08:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, where are the Dufrains?

• 1:08:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, uh...

• 1:08:56Mark Normand?

  Search party of three.

• 1:08:57Sam Morril?

  Party of four, and he goes, "You know that bit?"

• 1:08:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, no, tell me.

• 1:09:00Sam Morril?

  "Play the Dufrains," and then, uh, they just keep going, "No, okay, next group." "Yeah, but what about the Dufrains?" "No one seems to give a shit." That's a great fucking bit.

• 1:09:10Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:09:11Sam Morril?

  It's also such a simp, like, you don't realize... These are like just observational jokes. It's like such a character, you don't realize.

• 1:09:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:18Sam Morril?

  How observational all these bits are.

• 1:09:20Mark Normand?

  Have you seen, this is pretty crazy. See if we pull this up on YouTube. It's Hedberg before he's figured it out yet. And Janine Garofalo brings him up. And it's in like a-

• 1:09:28Sam Morril?

  Premium blend.

• 1:09:29Mark Normand?

  No, this is in like a bar or something.

• 1:09:32Sam Morril?

  Oh, really?

• 1:09:32Mark Normand?

  And there's like eight audience members there sitting on the floor. And he's doing Hedberg, but it's not fully formed yet.

• 1:09:39Sam Morril?

  He's doing like Chris Rock's delivery?

• 1:09:43Mark Normand?

  He doesn't even have the glasses yet. That is a YouTube video. I don't know, it's gonna be hard to find, cuz it's super obscure.

• 1:09:49Sam Morril?

  Did you ever see the thing where Chris Rock and Steven Wright came out and they do each other's bits?

• 1:09:53Mark Normand?

  That was amazing.

• 1:09:54Sam Morril?

  That was awesome.

• 1:09:55Mark Normand?

  We should do more of that. That should be done more. That was so funny. Now, this is the green room. I'm talking about, it's a set. It's a stand-up set. Um, but yeah.

• 1:10:04Sam Morril?

  Tell it like a ponytail here. What's going on? You had like the Stavi haircut here.

• 1:10:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true. Yeah, good luck finding it. It's literally in like a basement or something. And Janine Garofalo brings him up. But it's so cool to see a guy who's not there yet all the way. You get to see like-

• 1:10:21Sam Morril?

  Gives you hope.

• 1:10:22Mark Normand?

  Early days, yeah. Like those old Louis sets where he's in Boston. He's got an orange flat top. Crazy. He goes, uh, he walks up and he goes,

• 1:10:32Mark Normand?

  and he goes, "These are dolphin jokes. Come on, folks, where are you?" And you're like, wow, Louis thought that was good at one point? You know, like this brilliant comedian? But you gotta start somewhere.

• 1:10:40Sam Morril?

  And he was kinda alt-y back in the day.

• 1:10:42Mark Normand?

  Very alt-y. He was a weirdo, for sure.

• 1:10:44Sam Morril?

  All the best comics were kinda able to go both rooms, you know?

• 1:10:47Mark Normand?

  That's true. Yeah, good luck. Good luck finding this.

• 1:10:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:10:58Sam Morril?

  You got any recs in the meantime?

• 1:10:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Well, go see The Murphy Doc. It's on Netflix.

• 1:11:03Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna watch that.

• 1:11:04Mark Normand?

  It's great. Oh, this is it.

• 1:11:06Sam Morril?

  This is it? Yeah, no, I thought this was a premium blend.

• 1:11:08Speaker 05

  That was Bill Tennessee last week. I just got back this morning.

• 1:11:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, maybe you're right. This is Comedy Central.

• 1:11:13Speaker 05

  My second time at the club down there. And it wasn't by popular demand. It was because of rotation. That's what brought me back. Did radio interviews. I walked into the studio to do an interview. The DJ's first question was, "Who are you?"

• 1:11:32Speaker 05

  I had to think, you know. This guy really deep?

• 1:11:38Speaker 05

  Or did I drive to the wrong station?

• 1:11:42Mark Normand?

  I would have flipped that. I would have put "deep" second.

• 1:11:45Speaker 01

  So, how would you do it?

• 1:11:46Sam Morril?

  Uh, I had to think about that. Does this guy not know where I am, or is he really deep?

• 1:11:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:51Mark Normand?

  But, again, he's green.

• 1:11:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and the delivery is like definitely, it's like when you hear "Early Dangerfield", and he didn't have the rhythm yet.

• 1:11:59Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:12:00Sam Morril?

  It's like, you gotta find your rhythm.

• 1:12:01Mark Normand?

  But good for them for giving this guy a chance, because he's still pretty weird.

• 1:12:06Speaker 01

  But it's like Sam said, you have to bomb before you figure it out.

• 1:12:09Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:12:10Speaker 01

  So he's sort of, he's not bombing.

• 1:12:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you kind of adapt and you mold it to what's...

• 1:12:13Mark Normand?

  What's working.

• 1:12:14Sam Morril?

  What they're receiving, right? It's like, that's why you can't just take someone else's... It's kind of dark to do that.

• 1:12:21Mark Normand?

  I know, it's dark. He won't, he's not absorbing it, this fucking kid. But I don't want to give this guy any more...

• 1:12:26Sam Morril?

  They gotta find footage of him before, and they're like, "There's no way you've talked like this your whole life."

• 1:12:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true. I guarantee it.

• 1:12:34Mark Normand?

  He has a pod now, he does, when he just talks like that. For an hour. It's crazy.

• 1:12:39Sam Morril?

  It's fucking weird, man.

• 1:12:40Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:12:42Sam Morril?

  It's like, it's not, it's like, we talk about like the Slater, Christian Slater, Jack Nichols and shit, I'm like, "This ain't, this is a hundred times worse."

• 1:12:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, so much worse, yeah. And I think there's a thing going on where Gen Z is so young and everything, that they don't know who these old guys are. And a lot of these younger people don't go backwards.

• 1:13:00Sam Morril?

  Well, there's some legends, not to name names, there's some legends who have taken someone else's cadence and never really shaken it.

• 1:13:06Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 1:13:07Sam Morril?

  So it's like, alright.

• 1:13:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, Hedberg died in 2005.

• 1:13:11Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:13:11Speaker 01

  Twenty-year-olds were born.

• 1:13:13Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:13:14Speaker 01

  And never, didn't, yeah.

• 1:13:15Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:13:16Sam Morril?

  Never knew Hedberg or 9/11. Fucking crazy.

• 1:13:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, uh, this might be controversial, but...

• 1:13:25Sam Morril?

  But you liked 9/11?

• 1:13:28Mark Normand?

  Yes. Uh, but yeah.

• 1:13:33Mark Normand?

  Dave Chappelle.

• 1:13:36Mark Normand?

  Thanked Tony Woods and said, "I'm doing you."

• 1:13:38Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:13:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he said it publicly. And he's like, "Let me give you a Netflix special."

• 1:13:43Sam Morril?

  And did he?

• 1:13:44Mark Normand?

  And Woods said, "No." He's like, "I'm good, I'm not ready," or whatever.

• 1:13:48Sam Morril?

  He's not ready?

• 1:13:49Mark Normand?

  That's what he said.

• 1:13:50Sam Morril?

  Tony Woods is not ready?

• 1:13:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's like, "Ah, he doesn't like tapings." He's a live guy.

• 1:13:54Sam Morril?

  Tony Woods fucking murders, dude.

• 1:13:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's a killer. But yeah, Chappelle was like, "You're the guy."

• 1:14:00Sam Morril?

  That's pretty cool.

• 1:14:00Mark Normand?

  Huge influence, yeah.

• 1:14:02Sam Morril?

  Coming up in DC, yeah. Tony was definitely one of the guys.

• 1:14:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:14:05Sam Morril?

  Still is.

• 1:14:06Mark Normand?

  Still is, yeah. Um, so I'm the VU murdering like-

• 1:14:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's funny. He's got his little cavassia.

• 1:14:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:13Sam Morril?

  Classic old-school comic.

• 1:14:15Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:14:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude. What do you got?

• 1:14:19Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh. Oh, shit. Is that Sagalow?

• 1:14:27Sam Morril?

  The Rizler's got some competition, dude.

• 1:14:29Mark Normand?

  Whoa, who's this? Is he Asian?

• 1:14:31Sam Morril?

  Something about a little pudgy kid dancing, that's pretty damn cool.

• 1:14:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:14:37Sam Morril?

  Dude, this is me after hours with Ruby the other night.

• 1:14:43Mark Normand?

  So is this the Rizler?

• 1:14:47Sam Morril?

  I like this kid.

• 1:14:47Mark Normand?

  This kid's good, he's smooth.

• 1:14:51Sam Morril?

  The fun thing about a chubby kid is when they do shit like this, it is extra cute.

• 1:14:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's adorable.

• 1:14:56Speaker 01

  Peter said, "I bet we could get him."

• 1:15:01Sam Morril?

  We just lied. The Rizler came.

• 1:15:03Mark Normand?

  He's sleepy.

• 1:15:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, man. He's feeling it.

• 1:15:08Sam Morril?

  We got blown off by the Rizler many times, huh?

• 1:15:11Mark Normand?

  Thrice.

• 1:15:12Sam Morril?

  But I started, but once he sent in that video, I felt bad. He looked exhausted.

• 1:15:15Mark Normand?

  I know. I think they hit him with a cattle prod.

• 1:15:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, this kid at least has energy.

• 1:15:20Sam Morril?

  The Rizler's sleeping, his dad's like, "Come on, come on." He's like, "Oh, fuck, all right, Sam Mark, sorry I couldn't make it."

• 1:15:28Sam Morril?

  It's a pixie, it's a pixie stick.

• 1:15:33Sam Morril?

  This is amazing.

• 1:15:34Mark Normand?

  It's like mesmerizing. I can't stop staring and it's like lulling me to sleep.

• 1:15:39Sam Morril?

  He's going too.

• 1:15:40Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:15:41Sam Morril?

  Oh, he's back.

• 1:15:43Mark Normand?

  Oh shit.

• 1:15:48Mark Normand?

  If you told me that was Kim Jong-un, I'd believe you.

• 1:15:52Mark Normand?

  Same body, same hair.

• 1:15:53Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah. He doesn't have a lot of moves, but what he has is just, it's working, dude.

• 1:15:57Mark Normand?

  It's working.

• 1:15:59Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's it for him. Do you have the Martin Luther King thing?

• 1:16:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, no. Oh, what's that?

• 1:16:03Sam Morril?

  I sent it to you, didn't I?

• 1:16:06Sam Morril?

  Sent it to one of you.

• 1:16:08Mark Normand?

  Can we make that kid like our, um, our loading? You know, when the video's loading, it's just that kid?

• 1:16:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah, definitely. Yeah, some of these, some of this AI shit. I sent it to one of you because I was like, that's fucking, it's crazy. No, no, I sent it. Pull it up because it's an exact clip. It's really good. We didn't do this yet, did we? No.

• 1:16:26Mark Normand?

  MLK AI, huh?

• 1:16:29Sam Morril?

  It's fucking crazy.

• 1:16:30Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright.

• 1:16:33Sam Morril?

  I texted you, Peters, I think. Or was it Salacuse?

• 1:16:39Sam Morril?

  Boom. I got a good rec in the meantime.

• 1:16:42Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:16:42Sam Morril?

  Two recs.

• 1:16:43Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:16:44Sam Morril?

  Both Elmore Leonard books, The Fucking King. Fifty-two pickups, incredible. If you ever read that shit. It's fucking incredible. They made a movie about it with Roy Scheider in the eighties, I guess.

• 1:16:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:16:53Sam Morril?

  I think the movie was well received. That and Glitz are both awesome.

• 1:16:55Mark Normand?

  Glitz?

• 1:16:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they're both sick ass, just fun. Like, if you like scummy noir type, I know I say that word a lot. If you like scummy kind of crime books, so it's fun. It's just, it's like if you're on vacation, bring one.

• 1:17:08Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:17:08Sam Morril?

  Not that long either.

• 1:17:09Mark Normand?

  They're short, right?

• 1:17:11Sam Morril?

  Glitz is a little longer. Fifty-two pickups like that and it's fucking lights out.

• 1:17:14Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:17:15Sam Morril?

  Loved it.

• 1:17:16Mark Normand?

  Now, where are you doing the reading? On the plane or the toilet?

• 1:17:18Sam Morril?

  A lot of plane.

• 1:17:19Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:17:20Sam Morril?

  Oh, here we go.

• 1:17:22Speaker 06

  I ain't got no dreams no more. I am the dream. Did he just say that? No, it's turning on.

• 1:17:28Mark Normand?

  I can't believe it.

• 1:17:29Sam Morril?

  Let it go again.

• 1:17:31Speaker 06

  You wanna know the truth? I ain't got no dreams no more. I am the dream. Did he just say that? No, it's turning on.

• 1:17:39Mark Normand?

  Did he just say that?

• 1:17:40Sam Morril?

  I love. Like, who the fuck's idea is, is heel Martin Luther King?

• 1:17:44Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:17:45Sam Morril?

  It's amazing.

• 1:17:46Mark Normand?

  That's brilliant, and they even made the sound bad to make it seem more real. Martin Luther King of the ring. Yeah.

• 1:17:51Sam Morril?

  So stupid. They have, yeah, they have one of, uh, they have a lot of, like, wrestling heel ones now.

• 1:17:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:17:57Sam Morril?

  They got, like, JFK, they got a bunch of people.

• 1:18:01Mark Normand?

  See, AI is gonna take us over and kill us, but it's funny.

• 1:18:04Sam Morril?

  That's how they get us.

• 1:18:05Mark Normand?

  No other thing that's gonna, like, is, uh, existential threat has been hilarious.

• 1:18:09Sam Morril?

  That's the problem is it's, we're letting our guard down, 'cause I'm like, look how funny that is.

• 1:18:12Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:18:13Sam Morril?

  It's killing you, you idiots.

• 1:18:14Mark Normand?

  It's also pretty hot, too, sometimes.

• 1:18:16Sam Morril?

  I know, dude.

• 1:18:16Mark Normand?

  So I'm like, we're getting fucked in the ass by this thing that's gonna kill us.

• 1:18:19Sam Morril?

  Oh my god, sometimes, like, a girl will pop up on Instagram and she's, like, insanely hot.

• 1:18:22Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:18:23Sam Morril?

  And I click on it, I'm like, oh, that's not a real person.

• 1:18:24Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:18:25Sam Morril?

  That's bad.

• 1:18:26Mark Normand?

  Real bad.

• 1:18:27Sam Morril?

  Thing, I mean, I, we knew a guy, I don't wanna say his name, we knew a guy who got straight up catfished by a woman.

• 1:18:32Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:18:32Sam Morril?

  And I was like, that, you know how much easier that's gonna get?

• 1:18:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:36Sam Morril?

  Especially with, like, AI, just the way they know how to respond to shit, I'm like, oh, that's scary, dude.

• 1:18:41Mark Normand?

  Did you hear about the ICE videos? There's all these ICE videos of, like, a kid getting ripped out of a classroom, his mom crying, I'm like, this is horrible, oh my god, and it's all AI. It totally tricked me.

• 1:18:50Sam Morril?

  It was, it was Martin Luther King taking the kid out.

• 1:18:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:53Sam Morril?

  He was like, come with me.

• 1:18:55Mark Normand?

  This kid is my dream.

• 1:18:58Sam Morril?

  It was Luchador, uh, MLK, he had a mask on.

• 1:19:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, AI is fucking amazing, it's, it's getting good, better and better, and, uh, we're screwed.

• 1:19:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we're in trouble, man. This ain't great.

• 1:19:11Mark Normand?

  I think they got a watermark it, that's gonna become a law. They gotta put a thing on there, or else we're just gonna keep getting tricked. Speaking of Luchador.

• 1:19:20Mark Normand?

  Uh, is that?

• 1:19:21Sam Morril?

  Is that Louis?

• 1:19:21Mark Normand?

  Look at that foot. My god, it's like a dinosaur foot.

• 1:19:24Sam Morril?

  It's like fucking Gary Oldman at the end of Slow Horses, yuck. What is happening there?

• 1:19:29Mark Normand?

  He's getting a little foot rubby.

• 1:19:31Sam Morril?

  Oh, there he is, alright.

• 1:19:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that, I'm telling you, this is really where he shines, this is his, this is his weekend.

• 1:19:38Sam Morril?

  He had a blast.

• 1:19:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, he walks around with a fucking cowboy hat, one year he was on a horse and he's, like, greeting everybody, he gets carried on a, on a throne, I mean, it's crazy. I love it. That's awesome. It was a fi- crowd surf for the first time. I've never done it before. It is thrilling. Did you dive? I dove backwards. I just went in backwards. That's the key. And I was getting a little wonky, then a hand reached out and it got my foot in my hand. It was List. He pulled me back on stage. It was exciting. That's crazy. It was crazy. What were the show highlights? Well, the goddamn Comedy Jam, the last one, there it is. Oh, there's me out there. See you this Friday in San Diego. Is that the makeup for the Shane date, or is that, that was San Jose? That was San Jose. Alright.

• 1:20:25Mark Normand?

  I love, I do well in San Diego. I don't know what is about that town. I love it. Great town, and it's the beach and the coast and all that. La Jolla is incredible. I love the burritos. Not bad. Yeah, just so fun. The last Comedy Jam, all the comics got on stage and just got to rock out at the end and sing, and the crowd was going nuts, and we all dove in the crowd. Did, are you garbage out there? It was like lights out. Everybody's so fun. We did a Tuesdays. I sold a ton of Bodega Cat. Whoa. Ton of Bodega Cat merch. We made thousands of merch, because I was out there. You're drunk in the day, so you're just like, "Oh, sign anything. I'm throwing shirts, t-shirt cannon, the whole thing." It was in New Orleans, which was great. You gotta, you get to go to the Quarter at night. You have great meals for lunch, and then you go to the fest and... You hit Koshon Butcher?

• 1:21:11Mark Normand?

  I didn't, but I walked by it drunk, and I was like, "Hey, it's still open." One of the best. So good. Get a good Muffinata. Yes, and it was right by there, too, the whole fest, so... Damn, dude. The city was perfect. I think they're doing it there next year. It was the best one, by far. New Orleans is kinda cool, because it's not, there's no real scene there for comedy. No. So you're kinda bringing it. Yeah, and I always say, New Orleans is crazy. Skankfest is crazy, so it was like a speedball. It was like, if you do coke and heroin, you know, it was just extra fun. It was amazing. This boxing ring going on with just fat chicks. Did Louis fight? Louis fought. Everybody fought. Who'd he fight? I don't know. Some guy I'd never heard of, and then like Jason Ellis is fighting, there's women doing slap contests.

• 1:21:56Mark Normand?

  I mean, it's crazy. Damn. She got naked at the last show. There's Shane doing Rob Zombie. I mean, it was bananas. Two people flew there in private jets, which is also hilarious. Shane and Tim. Yeah. Hilarious. Now, there's List. List is, he can move.

• 1:22:14Sam Morril?

  Damn dude, look at all this shit.

• 1:22:15Mark Normand?

  Just seeing a Tell and Stanhope interact, you know, it's fun. Brad Williams was, how did he not sing All The Small Things? That was my joke. And, uh, yeah, good times.

• 1:22:27Sam Morril?

  Aw, look at that.

• 1:22:29Mark Normand?

  Sag Daddy, does Lewis on the ones and twos. There you go. Hey, we had Rachel there, we had Fahim there, we had Rosebud there. I mean, it was a good group.

• 1:22:40Sam Morril?

  That's a good group. That is fun, man.

• 1:22:44Mark Normand?

  Alright, well, there you go.

• 1:22:45Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:22:46Mark Normand?

  It was right on the water.

• 1:22:48Sam Morril?

  Damn dude.

• 1:22:49Mark Normand?

  Bobby Lee bailed. There was a Muslim there. I mean, you had everybody.

• 1:22:57Mark Normand?

  You gotta go back to New Orleans. There's Holtzman, Duncan Drusel, good times.

• 1:23:03Sam Morril?

  Love it. Well, should we plug some gigs?

• 1:23:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 1:23:06Sam Morril?

  What do we got? Uh, when does this come out?

• 1:23:09Mark Normand?

  Pepitone. Oh, that's a nice highlight, you and Charlie Kirk.

• 1:23:13Sam Morril?

  What?

• 1:23:14Mark Normand?

  It's a good duo.

• 1:23:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, added Omaha, added, um...

• 1:23:21Sam Morril?

  Added Omaha, January 8th through 10th. Added Chicago again in February, just as a workout. I might do Zany's or something small, just to work out for the hour. Tampa Theater, February 27th, new special. Hope you come out, two shows, so I hope I see you there. That's gonna be, that's gonna be a fun one. Tampa, baby, it's gonna be fun. Adding some more dates coming, we'll see what I can figure out last minute, trying to add. I have nothing on the calendar, really, so it's, it's coming. It's all coming.

• 1:23:46Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:23:47Sam Morril?

  Punchup.live/Samurrell/tickets.

• 1:23:50Mark Normand?

  Yes, I'm on Punchup as well. I'm in Kansas City at the, what is that, Funny Bone? Then I'm in Des Moines, in Iowa. Brea, California, that's a, that's a great time, come on out to that. Orange County. Oregon at the Grand Rond. Then, uh, New Brunswick, New Jersey, in New Brunswick. San Antonio, Tulsa, Oklahoma. I don't think I've ever been there.

• 1:24:14Sam Morril?

  Tulsa's great, you gotta go to Andolini's Pizza, dude.

• 1:24:17Mark Normand?

  Ooh, there you go.

• 1:24:18Sam Morril?

  The Marco Slice, fucking phenomenal New Jersey guy making pizza in Tulsa. Much love to Tulsa.

• 1:24:24Mark Normand?

  Amazing. All right. I'll be in Arizona at the Desert Diamond, then Indianapolis at the Helium, Buffalo, New York, Portland, Maine, sold out, I think. Providence, Rhode Island at the Vets, Kentucky, Lexington, Dania Beach, Florida, Spokane, Washington.

• 1:24:41Sam Morril?

  You're clubbing it up. If we make this move, you're gonna have to cancel some dates, buddy.

• 1:24:43Mark Normand?

  I'm ready. I'm ready to cancel.

• 1:24:45Sam Morril?

  Good, good, good.

• 1:24:45Mark Normand?

  That was in the, uh, the contract. Milwaukee Improv, and, uh, then we're going to Irvine. So, yeah, come on out. Say hello. Queef it up. Get some Bodega Cat.

• 1:24:55Sam Morril?

  You got the clubs cooking. I gotta get back out there. All right. I'm, I'm, I'm on it.

• 1:24:58Mark Normand?

  I get so much work done at the club.

• 1:24:59Sam Morril?

  Me too, man. That's why I'm, but then you gotta do it to Titan, too. It's tough.

• 1:25:03Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:25:03Sam Morril?

  Knowing when to balance. But, yeah, I'm fired up, dude. Well, uh, we love you guys. Buy some Bodega Cat. Bodega Cat Whiskey.com. Shout out Lartuzzi. Shout out Strip House, Shade, all these great New York bars, all these bars around the country that are carrying it.

• 1:25:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:17Sam Morril?

  Liquor stores.

• 1:25:19Mark Normand?

  Martin's Wine Cellar. We're in a couple of NOLA, too.

• 1:25:22Sam Morril?

  And DM Bodega Cat Whiskey, uh, on Instagram. You know, if you have any, if you want us in your bar, Matt Herman will, uh, handle it for us, our buddy Matt. And, uh, we got a lot of cool shit on the horizon here. So, get Bodega Cat cooking. We got some cool new merch coming out.

• 1:25:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're, they're on it. We got a good team working on this shit, and I think it's gonna really make a splash.

• 1:25:45Sam Morril?

  Thank God, 'cause we're fucking dumb.

• 1:25:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we're idiots.

• 1:25:47Sam Morril?

  We're fucking dumb people.

• 1:25:48Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:25:49Sam Morril?

  We're not good at this.

• 1:25:50Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:25:51Sam Morril?

  Luckily, we got people who are.

• 1:25:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:53Sam Morril?

  On the team, but...

• 1:25:53Mark Normand?

  We'll hawk it, but we don't...

• 1:25:55Sam Morril?

  We'll hawk to a.

• 1:25:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:57Sam Morril?

  That's it.

• 1:25:58Mark Normand?

  So will Trump. Uh, hop, Hawk Baga? Okay. We're done.

• 1:26:03Sam Morril?

  We're done. Love you guys.

• 1:26:04Mark Normand?

  Thank you.