#108 - Joe List

Joe List returns for a special holiday edition of the pod to discuss his newfound elitism as a Manhattanite, what an absolute dump Stav's neighborhood is, partying with his uncle, how horribly Stav has aged, why Christmas gifts are a racket, his unrefined palette, Stav's mom's Greek cookies, and much more. Joe and Stav help callers including a guy who's sick of his roommate's girlfriend doing laundry at their place, a woman who's scared to tell her boyfriend that she's missing a tooth, and a special twisted holiday question. Visit https://www.thuma.co/ to get $100 off your first bed purchase. Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. See 'Tom Dustin: Portrait of a Comedian' directed by Joe List in Somerville, MA on 1/9/25: https://www.ticketmaster.com/tom-dustin-portrait-of-a-comedian-somerville-massachusetts-01-09-2025/event/0100616A400394FB See Joe List live and follow him on social media: https://www.comedianjoelist.com/ https://www.facebook.com/comedianjoelist/ https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy/ 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 1:02Speaker 01

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• 1:31Stavros Halkias?

  Buh-bah! Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-STOP. Call in and solve your problems. On this beautiful Monday of Christmas week... In fact, Elvis, why don't you play us a little something different? Maybe... Yeah, isn't that nice?

• 1:49Speaker 03

  It's beautiful.

• 1:50Stavros Halkias?

  It's beautiful. The kids are, you know, you're out there buying your last-minute gifts.

• 1:55Speaker 03

  I ain't bought nothing.

• 1:56Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you're fine. Your mate, your son is... He doesn't know what the hell's going on. Well, we got the boys' gifts.

• 2:02Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 2:02Stavros Halkias?

  Sarah did that.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  Okay, that's good.

• 2:05Stavros Halkias?

  My money.

• 2:07Speaker 03

  My friend Derek has a funny point and I always laughed at it. And I'm like, oh, he's such a hilarious asshole, but now I feel it. I mean, he's like, every Christmas, he's like, can you just put me down for like, the house and the cars and everything, the health insurance? Like, just put my name on that, like I-

• 2:22Stavros Halkias?

  That's my gift. That's my gift to you, you fucking thankless whore.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  You ungrateful fucking bitch.

• 2:31Stavros Halkias?

  I work every, every day is a present. Every day you draw breath is a gift.

• 2:36Speaker 03

  Every fucking week, I gotta go a couple of blocks and talk about whether or not I would or would not eat my dad's cum. And I work hard.

• 2:47Stavros Halkias?

  We, I work hard in the podcasting mines.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  Thousands of dollars a year. Would you eat your dad's cum if you had to?

• 2:57Stavros Halkias?

  What are the parameters? Let's, let's make this bit a reality. Let's actually talk about it on Christmas.

• 3:02Speaker 03

  Well, would you rather eat your mother out to completion or blow your dad to completion?

• 3:09Speaker 03

  The age old, and you can't do them both, by the way.

• 3:14Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta choose. Put me down for the combo platter.

• 3:19Stavros Halkias?

  Put me down for the TGI Fridays, three mozzarella sticks, uh, four chicken wings, some bruschetta.

• 3:26Speaker 03

  How about those Mott's sticks last night, by the way? Was that something else?

• 3:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they were good after the air fryer.

• 3:31Speaker 03

  You sure brought Eldis. Eldis, you're always welcome.

• 3:33Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I should have. I went to Joe's little, we had a little holiday party. I just thought there was no help invited. That you couldn't bring your, you couldn't bring, you know, did people bring their maids?

• 3:47Speaker 03

  I was thinking you guys were friends, I forget.

• 3:49Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no, no, no. Purely, purely a business relationship.

• 3:53Speaker 03

  Stop doesn't answer my calls. Like dude, I need a green light on this fucking post. Is this caption okay? Good for you. Who needs them?

• 4:04Stavros Halkias?

  No, we couldn't have had Eldis in there, man. Me and Eldis were taking up too much real, too much living room real estate.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, good point. It's a small place, that's the problem.

• 4:13Stavros Halkias?

  It's a nice sized place with a hang layout. You know, we really would have, we would have taken up a lot of space.

• 4:19Speaker 03

  Well, some people just stood the entire time. I felt kinda bad. And then I had the baby the whole time. Sarah kept being like, I'm taking over. And I was, I'll believe it when I see it, bitch. You okay, babe?

• 4:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's so true. We gotta take women down to Peg this Christmas.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  Enough already.

• 4:35Stavros Halkias?

  We have to take mothers and women down to Peg on Christmas.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  Ooh, ooh, you carried the baby. Ooh, I'm carrying him now.

• 4:44Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  Carried for nine months. I carried him for nine hours at a party.

• 4:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's so true, man. He's cute as hell.

• 4:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's sweet. He's fun.

• 4:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 4:52Speaker 03

  He likes you. You know, I think you and Karen were the first two visitors and I think that it lingers.

• 4:57Stavros Halkias?

  He can tell. He can tell.

• 4:58Speaker 03

  He can feel it.

• 4:59Stavros Halkias?

  No, he's a, I do think babies like it because I look like a giant baby. I have baby features, baby characteristics.

• 5:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:06Stavros Halkias?

  I make them feel comfortable.

• 5:07Speaker 03

  I think you're right.

• 5:08Stavros Halkias?

  You know, I should, but I do feel bad. I should provide a service where I betray babies' trust so they know. Cause I'm the only guy that looks like me that a baby should trust.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  Right, right, yeah.

• 5:20Stavros Halkias?

  I don't want Marty to see me and be like, balding guy with these kinds of glasses.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, with the mustache.

• 5:27Stavros Halkias?

  So it's gonna break my heart. I'm gonna have to, at some point I'm gonna have to treat your son like Harry and the Hendersons where they yell at him at the end. So that they hate him.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  Like just a light **** where it's not like devastating, but it lets them know.

• 5:39Stavros Halkias?

  This is not a good guy.

• 5:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you tell me. I'm not gonna, you tell me.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, oh. Well, just something. Show me on the doll.

• 5:52Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe with a Q-tip. Just, "Merry Christmas."

• 5:57Speaker 03

  All right, cut. That's enough. He's gonna grow up some day.

• 6:01Stavros Halkias?

  We'll just beep that whole thing, Eldis.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:03Stavros Halkias?

  But we'll leave in, we'll leave in the act out, but we'll bleep out.

• 6:07Speaker 03

  Totally mute.

• 6:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:08Speaker 03

  Just us laughing.

• 6:09Stavros Halkias?

  We'll leave in Q-tip, the phrase "show me on the doll." Yeah, I trust you, man. I'm gonna give you some Christmas, uh, some, your Christmas gift is a little, uh, chance to show off your creativity, Eldis. I know how you're always looking for more, more opportunities to be creative, man. Ha, ha, ha, Joe, that anecdote about Boston or parenthood was so good.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 6:34Stavros Halkias?

  But we should also, we should also let the people know where they can see you. You know, what shows you have coming up.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Big shows, everybody, huge, uh, huge shows, uh, January, my movie, my film, uh, Tom Dustin, Portrait of a Comedian, is gonna be playing in Somerville, Massachusetts. Uh, and then it's gonna be coming to theaters all over. We got distribution, which is crazy. You know a little thing about that?

• 6:58Stavros Halkias?

  I know a little bit about that.

• 6:59Speaker 03

  I gotta see your movie.

• 7:00Stavros Halkias?

  Let's start it cold, please. It's on Amazon.

• 7:02Speaker 03

  Uh, oh, really? I can watch it today?

• 7:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, you can rent it.

• 7:05Speaker 03

  No shit?

• 7:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:06Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 7:06Stavros Halkias?

  I'm doing a good job getting the word out if my closest friends don't even know that.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  I had no idea. Well, I gotta, I'm all babyed up, I'm all fucked up. So I don't know, I literally don't know anything. I just, I just found out Kennedy was killed. He was in the car, they shot him.

• 7:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, John F.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  Oh, I thought it was Bobby Jr.

• 7:23Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, he's still kicking. He's gonna take polio vaccines away.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  Oh, that's good. That's dynamite. Finally. What a bag of turns that guy is. But anyways, uh, yes, January 9th, Somerville, Massachusetts, my film. Have you watched the movie yet?

• 7:40Stavros Halkias?

  I haven't yet.

• 7:40Speaker 03

  We're even, we're even. Yeah, well, mine's been out a lot longer.

• 7:43Stavros Halkias?

  No, when, I was gonna see it. I was on the road when it came, when it came out.

• 7:47Speaker 03

  Maybe you're right. Anyways, the point is, uh, it's out January 19th in Somerville, then it'll be in theaters everywhere. And then, uh, Kansas City, January 15th to the 17th, the weekend after that, Sunnyvale, California.

• 7:58Stavros Halkias?

  Love it.

• 7:58Speaker 03

  Uh, January 25th to the 27th, something like that. And the big one, April 19th, Patriots Day in Boston, Wilbur Theater. I'll be up there. And, uh, that was gonna sell out.

• 8:09Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna be outside with a pressure cooker.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  I'm a survivor. You can't say that. I was there.

• 8:14Stavros Halkias?

  You drunkenly attended. That's barely being a survivor.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  That was my first year sober.

• 8:20Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, I'm sorry.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  I was four months sober at the time, and I was very close. I was at the mile mark and it happened to finish.

• 8:27Stavros Halkias?

  Free Adnan or whatever his name is.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  I was one mile away, and, uh, you probably do want him free, you fucking, you fucking communist piece of shit. And you probably want, what's his Luigi to be free to?

• 8:40Stavros Halkias?

  Free Luigi for sure.

• 8:41Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 8:42Stavros Halkias?

  Free Luigi, give him another gun, set him loose.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're penny, penny, penny, penny. Penny, you should give him a million bucks for his thoughts and actions.

• 8:53Speaker 03

  Anyway, so yeah, come see me at the Wilbur, April 19th. Minneapolis, Acme, April 10th to the 12th.

• 8:58Stavros Halkias?

  Go see Joe, and then of course, we have Let's Start a Cult, out for rental, and the Dreamboat Tour, very important. Tickets are out now, we're going all over the place. Me and Elvis hitting the road on a bus. Uh, we're west coast, all the way Midwest, parts of the south, we're gonna end up in Toronto, uh, end up in DC. Uh, so it's gonna be a big tour, we're gonna be going from mid-February all the way till May.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 9:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we're out there hitting the road, so...

• 9:25Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 9:25Stavros Halkias?

  So buy your tickets, they're already, they're selling pretty well, we've already sold out a couple. Get them now, I know it seems early, but, you know, February will be here, February, uh, March, April, May, they'll be here before you know it, so grab your tickets now.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  And they make great Christmas gifts, by the way.

• 9:40Stavros Halkias?

  They do make great Christmas gifts.

• 9:41Speaker 03

  Last-minute Christmas gift, you go, "Hey, I got you tickets to see Stavros, I got you tickets to see Liz."

• 9:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's actually a great, that's a great point. They are, this is, very good, very good, Elvis. These are actually great Christmas gifts, and you don't have to do shit. You're online, and you print them out, people will love them. The calendar is out, of course, we have t-shirts, um, so check it out. We got a lot of last-minute Christmas gifts at Stavi.biz. They will not, if you're watching today, the physical stuff won't get here, but on Monday of Christmas, you can buy a ticket, print out the ticket, you're go, you're golden. Try that out, folks, go get, get tickets to see me and Joe, uh, and say, you know, perfect last-minute gift for your family, and, uh, anyway, let's, uh, let's go back to those fun anecdotes about your big-dicked uncle.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  Ah.

• 10:31Stavros Halkias?

  That comes like 20 minutes afterward.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  I know. How about Karen yesterday, she shows up with a hot coffee and just puts it on his little table. Just walks away, just out, she's out, and then he takes it, just picks it up and dumps it, like he just won the Super Bowl. Boiling hot coffee all down his arm, onto his head. Just mutilated.

• 10:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's why he had coffee stains on his little shirt.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, oh, that was before you got there, I guess, yeah.

• 10:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I got there late.

• 10:55Speaker 03

  He was just all brown, like your neighbors, "Time to move on from this place."

• 11:01Stavros Halkias?

  All right, Joe, we get it, you left a story where you'd been for, what, 15 years?

• 11:07Speaker 03

  18, what a shithole.

• 11:09Stavros Halkias?

  18 years. A whole legal adult.

• 11:12Speaker 03

  Well, no. I don't know how you do it.

• 11:17Speaker 03

  It's just trash everywhere.

• 11:18Stavros Halkias?

  Manhattan Joe, how he forgets.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  I haven't seen a nanny since I got here.

• 11:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, the kids here are just looked after by their grandmothers, basically. That's nature's nanny, the grandmother.

• 11:30Speaker 03

  I had a little girl ask me if I was a nanny the other day. She's like, are you his nanny? I was like, no.

• 11:35Stavros Halkias?

  In your neighborhood, you know?

• 11:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:37Stavros Halkias?

  They're like, nah. Why are you? Yeah, well, clearly you can't be a parent.

• 11:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:41Stavros Halkias?

  Parents are doing cocaine and closing deals. Or on, or getting botox and having, you know, eating pills and drinking white wine.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  I think that's what they do down there.

• 11:52Stavros Halkias?

  You should come down.

• 11:53Speaker 03

  I might.

• 11:53Stavros Halkias?

  Bring Eldis. Yeah, I can, I just need a place with a, like, closet, like a large closet Eldis can live in and a half bath for him.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. I think we have, we have room for a small bed in whatever you find and then. If my wife's in town, we can crash on the bed in here, just.

• 12:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, you guys can come here.

• 12:12Speaker 03

  Function all the time in the studio.

• 12:14Stavros Halkias?

  You will mostly live here. That is gonna be so funny if I get a different place. I'm like, Eldis, good news. You get to fucking, I'll give you a deal on my old bedroom.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  I'm already so close to utter surf dumb.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  That would be, that would be share cropping fully.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  I couldn't do it.

• 12:35Stavros Halkias?

  That would be so funny, but it would be, yeah, it's like, I just transfer how shitty it feels for me to live here. I'm like, you know what? That feels bad. I'm gonna get a new place. Eldis, though, why don't you do it? It'll be convenient. I could call you anytime to make an edit to the podcast, cuz I know you'll have access to the computer.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Now, when you leave here, like, this is like a three-bedroom home. You're in a house here.

• 12:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  That's gonna be an adjustment or a lot more money. You got to go smaller or like?

• 13:02Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'll probably just spend the money.

• 13:03Speaker 03

  300 times more money.

• 13:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I don't, I mean, I don't really spend money on anything, to be honest with you. I just.

• 13:08Speaker 03

  I can look at you.

• 13:12Speaker 03

  Not like me with my free Barstool.

• 13:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, at least, yeah, I'm wearing clothes I purchased.

• 13:20Speaker 03

  I always find out, like, I don't know anything about Barstool.

• 13:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I know that.

• 13:23Speaker 03

  I'm like, am I just wearing like a swastika and I don't realize it?

• 13:26Stavros Halkias?

  No, they're not that bad, but it is funny to be constantly, you wear that so much for someone who does not listen to Barstool at all.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  I don't know literally anything about Barstool. I've been to KFC and...

• 13:36Stavros Halkias?

  I like PMT.

• 13:37Speaker 03

  I know the guy.

• 13:38Stavros Halkias?

  Those guys are awesome.

• 13:39Speaker 03

  I know the guy, uh, eats pizza and I think he's like a Republican.

• 13:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 13:44Speaker 03

  What's his name? Portnoy.

• 13:45Stavros Halkias?

  Portnoy. It is hilarious to be like, I'm the guy who eats pizza. It's like, what? That's what you're proud of, that you like pizza? That's fucking stupid, but hey, that guy has somehow become like a billionaire off of like, you know, his blog, so hats off, I suppose.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, hats on, Santa hats.

• 14:05Stavros Halkias?

  That's right, Santa hats on on this beautiful Christmas Monday. Joe, what recount is, what are some, last time you were here, we did, we had a Thanksgiving episode, we tried to get Bobby, it was very last, this Christmas episode was very last minute. Tried to get Bobby, he was mad that I asked him to do something last minute. Um, so it's just us boys, but it is Joe, this is Joe Listmas here at Stommy's World.

• 14:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, I like that.

• 14:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, how about some nice Christmas memories, you know? What do you got for us? What was your favorite, what was your favorite toy as a child that you ever got? Do you remember?

• 14:38Speaker 03

  Boy, I remember, I was a big Star Wars homo.

• 14:40Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  Which is interesting because like, I wasn't a kid really till like 87, 88, but those movies just linger, I mean, they still linger on now. But like, it was four or five years after Return of the Jedi, but it was still like, that was the thing.

• 14:54Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  And I remember coming home and getting, like, we did Christmas in the morning at my parents', and then we'd go to my one grandparents' house and the other grandparents', and getting all these toys and coming home, and my mother one time was like, oh my God, we totally forgot a present. And if she was like, it was this one, it wasn't even from them, it was like from her work friend, and it was like... The Ewok fucking, it was like a log that swung and bashed things up. I was a big Ewok guy, which now as an adult, I'm like, the Ewoks suck.

• 15:21Stavros Halkias?

  The gayest part of Star Wars was your favorite?

• 15:23Speaker 03

  Wow, it was six, you fucking asshole. They were fun. And looking back, it just didn't make it that. The Ewoks beating up the guy, it didn't make any sense. They're like throwing logs and rocks. They're like.

• 15:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. They're little, they're cute little, they're basically like the cuddly Vietcong. They're like guerrilla warriors.

• 15:40Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 15:40Stavros Halkias?

  Which you know what, maybe I'm back on board. Shout out to Uncle Mao.

• 15:50Stavros Halkias?

  And that's Joe's Ewok impression, everybody. He's just doing a bad Ewok impression.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Communist Ewoks.

• 15:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they were.

• 15:57Speaker 03

  Uh, but yeah, Tom Shalhoub had a great joke about that. You know Tom Shalhoub?

• 16:01Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  He's a, he's kind of like a Fox News guy. He's more conservative. You probably hate him, but.

• 16:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 16:06Speaker 03

  Sweet guy, very funny guy. And, but he had a great bit years ago. He's like, I was watching the Iraq, well, obviously it was a long time ago. Or maybe it was the Afghan war. He's like, I was watching the war on the news. And he's like, this kind of reminds me of Star Wars. Like they're like the rebels and we're like the evil empire.

• 16:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we're the bad guys.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  He's like, but it didn't make me change my opinion of the war. It made me change my opinion of Star Wars. So I was like, fuck these guys, the, these rebels.

• 16:29Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  He's like the empire.

• 16:31Stavros Halkias?

  He almost, for one second, showed some like, critical thought. And he's like, no, no, actually, it's the space Nazis that are the good guys.

• 16:41Speaker 03

  That's a funny bit.

• 16:43Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I get, maybe I'm missing something, but.

• 16:46Speaker 03

  Well, that's, cause that's the easy way. It's a twist.

• 16:49Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 16:50Speaker 03

  It's a funny twist. You don't know comedy.

• 16:52Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sorry. I don't know comedy and I unfortunately have sympathy for the people of Iraq that we killed for no reason.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  Well, I think he's joking a little.

• 17:01Stavros Halkias?

  No, I know, I know, I know. I'm kidding.

• 17:03Speaker 03

  What, no reason? They were gonna take over everything. They had the nuclear bomb. You reached out and watched the news. They had nukes under the ground. They were gonna shoot us in.

• 17:13Stavros Halkias?

  Just stopped watching the news like in 2000 fucking two.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  They were gonna get us. Jesus.

• 17:23Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, man, poor Saddam. May he rest in peace. What a good guy.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  Now you probably don't like the Vietnam War either, cause you think communism wasn't that big of a deal. You think the Vietcong wasn't gonna take over the entire planet?

• 17:37Stavros Halkias?

  So you had the nice.

• 17:38Speaker 03

  So I got that. I had everything. I had every Star Wars, X-Wing, Fighter, all the shit. It was awesome. Those I remember really enjoying a lot. Maybe a bicycle. I don't know.

• 17:48Stavros Halkias?

  So it was all Star Wars stuff for you, huh?

• 17:50Speaker 03

  As a little kid, yeah. Loved, loved, loved the Star Wars. Um, yeah.

• 17:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I, I, we were, I remember watching Star Wars when I was like six or seven for the first time at Thanksgiving. Cause I had like an older family friend showed to me and being like, hell yeah, dude, I'm a fucking Jedi. Get me a little lightsaber, get me all that shit. But we didn't get them. I think, I think it was very video game based. For, for me, all my best presents were like, I remember getting the Super Nintendo, the GameCube was a big one. We got a GameCube when I was, I mean, I was already in high school, but it was like the best moment. Me and my brothers probably had the, our best relationship where we had to like enjoy the GameCube for the first two weeks together.

• 18:35Speaker 03

  That's sweet. See, I never went above Sega. Sega Genesis was my last, uh, system or whatever.

• 18:40Stavros Halkias?

  You a big Sonic guy?

• 18:42Speaker 03

  I love Sonic, yeah. I love Sonic and Chick-fil-A. Hello, folks. No, I was big Sonic, but video games started, like sci-fi, wrestling, all ended for me at an appropriate age. Like at 11, I was, I was out. I got into like The Godfather and.

• 18:59Stavros Halkias?

  Right, drinking.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  Yeah. I didn't drink till later, but I was like, I got really into sport, like Ken Griffey Jr. And like Michael Jordan and The Godfather became like the nucleus of my life.

• 19:09Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, interesting. At 11?

• 19:11Speaker 03

  11, 12, yeah. Like I watched wrestling. I mean, the fact that there's people, well, this show, I'm probably gonna trigger a lot of people. But the idea of being like WrestleMania 75's coming on, everybody come over.

• 19:21Stavros Halkias?

  It is the funniest part of Soder is that he's like, is that with the same earnestness and like, like depth and like love that he has. And as a good friend as he is, he will turn that exact level of love and care and devotion, if not more, to wrestling.

• 19:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:40Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, damn, for a second, I'm like. I respect Soto so much that maybe wrestling isn't gay, but it is, obviously.

• 19:48Speaker 03

  It's pretty gay, I think.

• 19:49Stavros Halkias?

  And it, look, it's fun. I remember, were you there where we got high and watched the Royal Rumble on like YouTube? Or was that me and Benny Buttcheeks?

• 19:57Speaker 03

  Oh, fuck. Yeah, that was at your house, right?

• 19:59Stavros Halkias?

  That was fun. I mean, to like, just kind of pop in as a nostalgic thing of like, when you're with the fellows and you're stoned and it's like, let's just throw on a Royal Rumble. Like, those are fun. Like, you throw on like some old guys that you remember, but to keep up with it is kind of tough.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  Oh, no. I watch wrestling all the time now. Like, I was just watching it on the rock, like, Saturday night, main event from like eighty-eight, eighty-nine. He gave me like a Bret Hart versus Randy Savage, eighties. I love it, because now, when everything that was fun, when you're a kid, it's fun to watch as an adult through the eyes of like adulthood, of like, oh, these guys were like swilling beers in the back and kind of going over like, are you doing this? Yeah, yeah, that stuff is neat and fun. But the idea of being like, I don't know, he's gonna win. Don't you think like, UFC really has destroyed wrestling?

• 20:46Stavros Halkias?

  Right. It's an actual fight.

• 20:48Speaker 03

  Real now.

• 20:48Stavros Halkias?

  It's a cool, real fight. Yeah, yeah. And it is, and it's, the characters are interesting too. It's always like, these like cyborg, like, you know, Chechens or like a colorful Irishman or like, you know, some fucking, the jactest, black dude you've ever seen in your life. And just like, you know, it's, there's former, there's former Olympians. Like, it really is a fun mix of people.

• 21:13Speaker 03

  No, it's the best. And, uh, yeah.

• 21:15Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're right. It really has taken over that. Because you can't, I mean, I guess plenty of people, I mean, the W, I think they, the same company bought both. So they're trying to like, kind of, which I guess makes sense, to kind of like marry the brands together in a weird way, but who knows? Um, yeah, that's interesting. I, I was, we stopped watching wrestling because I gave my brothers a black eye, uh, doing a Stone Cold Stunner.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  Nice. We're so, we're different in age. Like, Stone Cold was, I guess, I was in high school when that came out. But I missed that whole thing.

• 21:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we, we have just enough of a, we have just a little gap in our ages. I was born in eighty-nine.

• 21:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was eighty-two.

• 21:53Stavros Halkias?

  There you go.

• 21:54Speaker 03

  So I was seven.

• 21:55Stavros Halkias?

  A nice seven years. It was, you were seven. That would have been nice, man.

• 21:59Speaker 03

  That would have been fun. I would have been happy to show you the ropes.

• 22:01Stavros Halkias?

  Hang out with some fat little baby.

• 22:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, I could have been good for you, I think.

• 22:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  Good influence, you know?

• 22:09Stavros Halkias?

  Did you do much, like, was there, because you, you had sis-, you only had a sister, right?

• 22:14Speaker 03

  I had an older sister, yeah.

• 22:15Stavros Halkias?

  So there was, what's the, was there like fighting and stuff on Christmas? What were the vibes like between?

• 22:19Speaker 03

  I think Christmas, we always got along. We would fight a little bit. And then I had like a big extended family. I have like a cousin who's like three months older than me and then a cousin who's four years old. And I have an uncle, of course, Uncle Dale, who's like four years older than me. So there was a bunch of us.

• 22:33Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man, that's so funny. We're like opening presents with your uncle?

• 22:38Speaker 03

  It's the weirdest, we were talking about it before, we're like, I have all these stories. People are like, your uncle? And I was like, oh, sorry, we're the same age, yeah. I was like, yeah, I was out stealing street signs and fucking fat women with my uncle. And people were like, what? What went on?

• 22:52Speaker 03

  Which I never thought was, wait, everything's normal. When you're a kid, everything you do is just normal. So you're like, you know, your uncle that's the same age as you. People are like, what the fuck?

• 23:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your uncle that buys you booze when you're seventeen and he's twenty-one?

• 23:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly.

• 23:07Stavros Halkias?

  That's nice.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  You try to get laid together. I remember, I tried, this is a bit, I remember my uncle and I went to Vegas together and he's like, all right, we got pussy contest. And he had like a system. He's like, five points for a fat chick, eight points for an old lady, a black woman's ten points, whatever it was, you know, a peg leg, is it that, whatever?

• 23:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  And I was like, we're not those guys. Like, I'm not, like, you think I'm gonna fuck like a bunch of women?

• 23:32Stavros Halkias?

  How about if I fuck one woman? It's a thousand points.

• 23:36Speaker 03

  And neither of us even spoke to a woman at any point the whole time. Like, and Uncle Dale, he's like a firefighter and he's, he's very handsome. He's got a huge cock. He's like, yeah, yeah, he's got, he's got a leg of a cock. And by the way, I was just at the firehouse and we were recounting when you were there.

• 23:52Stavros Halkias?

  That was a great time.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  And he's still like, if you bring it up, he's like, allegedly, like, we have a union and shit. Like, you can't just have naked.

• 23:58Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't, for anyone wondering, how long, how was this like eight years ago? When was this, like nine years ago?

• 24:03Speaker 03

  Must have been more money, maybe it was eight years ago.

• 24:05Stavros Halkias?

  Eight, eight or nine years ago? Eight or nine years ago, when I did a gig with Joe, it was actually me, you, who, Tim?

• 24:13Speaker 03

  Tim Dillon, yeah.

• 24:14Stavros Halkias?

  Me, you, Tim, um, uh, who else? There are a couple of other people on the show, but we, I definitely did not pose nude on a fire truck. That did not happen. I actually, and even if it did, I had, the, the image is lost to time. So there actually isn't any, oh, you have it?

• 24:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course. I have the alleged.

• 24:36Stavros Halkias?

  The alleged, oh, yeah. I did, what I did pose nude on is your family's pool table.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, pool table.

• 24:42Stavros Halkias?

  We, we made your whole family clear out.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  Leave the room and Tim has like a thing of hundred. We can put that in right here.

• 24:48Stavros Halkias?

  We can put that in right here. Yeah, yeah.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  We got a bunch of hundred dollar bills and you look like a boy. You've aged horrendously. You look 11.

• 24:57Stavros Halkias?

  I know. I know. I was completely hairless. I had a, like, and it was like, it's so funny to think about, my whole bread and butter was just jokes about how fat and disgusting I was. And I truly weighed maybe 90 pounds less than I, like, I wasn't even that fat, actually.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  Well, this is the thing, and you should be grateful for the size you are now, because in a few years, you'll be triple this. So just enjoy yourself. Just live it, love it.

• 25:25Stavros Halkias?

  You're so right, man. I'm gonna look so bad.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  This is the best you've looked. You're gonna be like, remember back in 2024 Christmas? I looked like a rail.

• 25:35Stavros Halkias?

  I can still buy clothes in some stores.

• 25:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:38Stavros Halkias?

  When I didn't have to have every piece of clothing specially made for me.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're gonna be all great. You're gonna look like Santa. But, uh.

• 25:46Stavros Halkias?

  That'll be a nice, you know, nice for, I'll be, that's a nice way to go out in your 40s, your late 40s, you know?

• 25:53Speaker 03

  Oh, you got a lot on that. Come on, buddy.

• 25:55Stavros Halkias?

  52.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  52 is nice. That's decent. That'd be impressive. But yeah, no, that was awesome. And, uh, what was I talking about? I don't even know.

• 26:04Stavros Halkias?

  Uncle Dale.

• 26:05Speaker 03

  Uncle Dale's a man.

• 26:06Stavros Halkias?

  The Vegas trip.

• 26:07Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, Vegas. He thought you were gonna lay in. Yeah, I don't get pussy like that. And looking back, I could, this is what's so frustrating. Now I have some confidence. I'm, I'm fun. I could have, I just thought nobody wanted to fuck me.

• 26:19Stavros Halkias?

  It's the classic, that's why everyone's fantasy is like, put me back in my body.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  Right.

• 26:24Stavros Halkias?

  Like, just beam me into high school me. I'd be the fucking man. But is that even true? I mean, you probably would fuck like. Like, three girls and then realized like, oh, I don't know math. I'm stupider now. Like, if I had to do high school homework, I would fa- I would be a much worse student right now.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  Oh, a hundred percent.

• 26:45Stavros Halkias?

  I would have to fucking like, do regimented bullshit. I could never do it.

• 26:49Speaker 03

  No, I've tried to do like, multiplication recently with the X and the carry and the number and I was like, I don't know. Or division, like, I know how to make the thing, but then I'm like, I don't know. This is crazy. But we have calculators.

• 27:03Stavros Halkias?

  We have calculators. Even like, write, I guess I could probably write an essay pretty easily. That's the one thing I'm better at. I could write a five paragraph, like, that's hilarious to think about how much you were sweating five paragraphs. Uh, but any math or science or having to sit there for a long time. Although, maybe I'd get jacked now I'm convincing myself again. Yeah, it would be cool. But then you wouldn't have any of your friends, none of your pals.

• 27:28Speaker 03

  Right.

• 27:29Stavros Halkias?

  I would leave Eldis in the dust. Eldis would be confused by how, how, uh, that would be so funny if one of us went back in time, how that would affect our relationship.

• 27:40Speaker 03

  With everything I know now, I'd surpass you. You'd be working for me.

• 27:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you just go back in time, every recording, all the recordings of all my stand-up you have, you would memorize them. I'd be like, wow, I'm so happy for Eldis, but something feels off about this my whole life.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  Wasn't there a premise of a movie recently where the Beatles didn't exist and so the guy made all the Beatles music?

• 28:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, which is the most like, alright, let's hang it up boomers. It's enough, it's enough, guys. It's alright, we, the Beatles were good, we get it. It's fifty years later, sixty, whatever, it's longer than that, and it, no one would be like, some kid who, if, if yesterday didn't exist then, and some Indian guy does it now, no one's gonna be like, what a genius. They're gonna be like, that's kind of a nice song, I guess.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  No, it'd get like forty thousand views on YouTube. It would be Dwarf by Stavi's World. Be like, yeah, the song's okay, but did you see Stavi? He talked about eating a lady's ass out on Thanksgiving. If that's appropriate or not.

• 28:47Stavros Halkias?

  You can't do that on Thanksgiving. You can't be eating ass on Thanksgiving. That's one of the worst days to eat ass. Oh, the brave souls who've attempted ass eating after two full plates.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  I haven't eaten ass in a long time. My wife doesn't want me to eat her ass.

• 29:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's a shame.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  I want to get in there. Do you like eating ass?

• 29:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 29:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's fun.

• 29:08Stavros Halkias?

  It's fun.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  It's a little dry. It's nice. It's drier than a pussy, which is kind of yucky.

• 29:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, something about the asshole excites me sexually more than a pussy. I don't know what it is.

• 29:21Speaker 03

  The only thing that sucks is this, I wish there was like something hanging down that you could kind of, while you're eating it.

• 29:26Stavros Halkias?

  Something like a stress ball.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  Tug on something.

• 29:30Stavros Halkias?

  Something you can tug on, yeah. Something to take your attention.

• 29:32Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? That would be cool.

• 29:34Stavros Halkias?

  Now that would be really cool.

• 29:35Speaker 03

  If there was a little more hair on it, that would be kind of nice. That's the kind of thing I think about.

• 29:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you should get your wife something like that. A fake hanging appendage that you could tug on while you eat her ass.

• 29:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck, dude. I love that. I love the idea of going on, uh, of going on adventures with your uncle. With your four years older uncle.

• 30:05Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 30:06Stavros Halkias?

  He was like the main, he must have been like your main big brother figure.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  Absolutely, yeah. No, it was awesome. It was so fun. And then he graduated the fire academy the same time I started doing stand up. Like the same week. So we were like in this new, and then we had all the firemen and, and comics mixed together, which are very similar occupations. Cause they work like two 24 hour shifts. We work, you know, three half hour shifts. And it's like, it's drunken and everyone's all drinking in this community. Women aren't really allowed around, you know? It's kind of like, oh yeah, they're here, but fucking. So it was beautiful. Yeah, it was fucking awesome.

• 30:43Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, did he live, did you ever, the, I love the idea of the firehouse as a like concept, sounds so sick. Like if there's no fires going on, it's just seems like a clubhouse. Like in my head, they even have the thing you slide down on.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  The pole.

• 30:58Stavros Halkias?

  The pole. Yeah, yeah.

• 31:00Speaker 03

  Well, I think it used to be a lot more like that, but now they have their paramedic and they respond to all the heroin, all the fentanyl and shit. And they're in Massachusetts. So I think there's less hanging out. There's a lot more like, a lady fell down, a guy's on the ground, sleep, but whatever. It's a lot of like Narcaning and all that stuff.

• 31:16Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. It's all firemen doing that shit, huh?

• 31:18Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, there's the ambulance and the fire truck escort each other or accompany each other, whatever.

• 31:23Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 31:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. So they do a lot of that. There's a lot less.

• 31:26Stavros Halkias?

  They gotta make paramedics their own division with their own cars so firemen can hang out.

• 31:32Speaker 03

  I think so. I think it's better. Yeah.

• 31:34Stavros Halkias?

  It's better. And also you want a fireman around the junkie.

• 31:38Stavros Halkias?

  There's no, I got, I got a, I got a hunch. They don't have the most like, their views on junkies aren't, they're not giving them the most grace. They're like fucking kicking them. They're like, get up, you fucking piece of shit. I was playing Diablo three. And I had a Stouffer's lasagna in the toaster oven and you fucked it up for me.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  Well, the people they should send is the fucking cops to throw them in the slam.

• 32:02Speaker 03

  It's enough already. No bail. Don't pass go. Get out of here. You fucked up.

• 32:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Joe's becoming more conservative after moving into Manhattan.

• 32:16Speaker 03

  Lock him up.

• 32:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Your classics downtown Republican.

• 32:25Speaker 03

  You know what's sad is the rain. It used to, it doesn't snow. There should be snow. It's raining. I got wet feet, which I remember last year I came, you gave me socks, which I still wear.

• 32:34Stavros Halkias?

  You want some more socks?

• 32:35Speaker 03

  Nah, nah, it's all right.

• 32:36Stavros Halkias?

  I'll give you more socks. Well, last time was my fault. I had taken a shower.

• 32:40Speaker 03

  Oh, that's right. It wasn't even raining.

• 32:43Stavros Halkias?

  Moments before you got here. You were really mad at me and you know what? I deserved it.

• 32:47Speaker 03

  But there's no more snow, no white Christmas and I mean, I'm having a white Christmas because I live in Battery Park City.

• 32:53Stavros Halkias?

  There you go.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  That could be a cocaine or racial makeup joke. But I want, don't you miss the snow? Don't you think of snow and Christmas together?

• 33:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, snow, Christmas, December, this is the best time for snow.

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 33:08Stavros Halkias?

  Afterwards, it's like, if it snows in like January and February, you're like, fuck this, this sucks, it's gray. All you're thinking of is the slush, you're thinking about your commute. But if it's snowing on a week that you're just gonna be home anyway.

• 33:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:20Stavros Halkias?

  It's, and it's so beautiful to just let the, the little sprinkles fall down. You're fucking drinking hot cocoa.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  It's beautiful, yeah. It's the best.

• 33:28Stavros Halkias?

  It must, are you gonna go to Mass?

• 33:31Speaker 03

  I gotta go to Massachusetts. First we go to Texas and uh, because Sarah's family's there and for some reason I,

• 33:37Stavros Halkias?

  Opposite of a Christmas vibe right there.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  I know.

• 33:40Stavros Halkias?

  Too hot.

• 33:41Speaker 03

  It's very frustrating because the last few Christmases we did here in New York, and now we have a one and a half year old. And they're like, we're going back to Texas. I'm like, great.

• 33:50Stavros Halkias?

  No, the one and a half year old buys you three years of New York, I would think.

• 33:54Speaker 03

  Well, that's what I said. I put my foot down. I'm like, next year we're doing New York because now he doesn't know anything about Santa. He's a year old, he doesn't really give a shit. He doesn't know what the hell's going on. But next year, I'm like, I'm not telling my son that Santa will find our Airbnb in the hill country. It's like, come on, that's crazy. Like, you wanna have a Christmas with decorations and the bullshit. So next year, I think we're gonna have morning Christmas, easy, in New York. And hopefully no family comes. And then as soon as we're done in Texas, we fly back to New York and then drive to Massachusetts for that New Year's week. We do New Year's Eve and have Christmas at there with my family.

• 34:28Stavros Halkias?

  All that travel sucks.

• 34:29Speaker 03

  It's a lot of travel, especially with the baby and uh,

• 34:33Stavros Halkias?

  I say you fake something, you make some kind of illness happen.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's not bad. Maybe I'll try to do that. Well, we're going to Austin so I can get some,

• 34:40Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 34:40Speaker 03

  Some gigs in.

• 34:41Stavros Halkias?

  Some stage time, oh, never mind.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:43Stavros Halkias?

  I take it back.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  Maybe do a big podcast while I'm there and um, you know.

• 34:49Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I see what this lock them up stuff is about.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:52Stavros Halkias?

  You're trying to get on record. You're trying to get a good, you're trying to do Kill Tony with Jordan Peterson.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  I gotta stay in over there. You go where the money is.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  Go where the money is. Trump is misunderstood, I think. The guy can run a business. The country is like a business.

• 35:12Stavros Halkias?

  Like a business.

• 35:13Speaker 03

  Very similar.

• 35:14Stavros Halkias?

  You know how your bosses always love you and want what's best for you and never fuck you over?

• 35:19Speaker 03

  Of course. This guy can run a business. Business was good during his time period, you know?

• 35:27Speaker 03

  And, uh, you know?

• 35:28Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck. That's so fucking funny to be, yeah, just throwing a couple gigs on Christmas. That's how I, I mean, this is the first time I'm not working basically until Christmas Day. Like, I realized I forgot. Last year I was gonna get my mother a cellphone and I just realized an entire year went by and I did not get it for her for Christmas. Cause I was just wor- I was promoting, my special was last year, right? Damn, last, that's crazy. It was only a year ago.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  I'm gonna watch it at some point.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  No, I watched your special, cause I use the same guys you use.

• 35:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  Those guys are great.

• 36:01Stavros Halkias?

  Those guys are awesome, right?

• 36:01Speaker 03

  Willie and, uh, the other guy.

• 36:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, yep, yep.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  Willie, you never meet a Willie? You never meet like a white Willie?

• 36:09Stavros Halkias?

  Willie and Derek.

• 36:10Speaker 03

  Willie and Derek, yes.

• 36:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yep. Yeah, white Willie, white, honestly Derek could go 50/52.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  I suppose so. My best friend is Derek, so that, that just feels very, he's obviously white.

• 36:23Speaker 03

  Not one of these guys. This is my best friend.

• 36:29Stavros Halkias?

  What, is this a TV movie?

• 36:31Speaker 03

  What, are we at community college for sure?

• 36:36Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, interesting. Yeah, shout out to Willie and Derek, originator.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Those guys are awesome and, uh, I'm gonna, mine's gonna come out in the spring, I think.

• 36:43Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, awesome. Hell yeah, dude.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  Wait, what were we talking about, though? The movie, oh, holiday, you're not working, oh, the mother's cellphone. This one I wanna ask. How do you buy someone a cellphone? Cause don't you have to plug it in and get all the thing? Or can I bring the, if I wanna get Sarah a phone, can I buy a phone? Give it to her in the box and then, then she just goes to the Apple store?

• 37:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you can do that. Yeah. I'm probably gonna buy it through my mother's, uh, like, you know, comp, whatever comp, she uses like the old person. Uh, cellphone company, it's like Cellular National or some bullshit.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 37:16Stavros Halkias?

  And all the phone, like it's so funny, I went on the website and it's like all the phones are like flip phones with gigantic buttons and then like they're selling an iPhone from two thousand like seventeen. They're selling the iPhone SE and then they're selling the newest one. But it's like they don't have, it's just so funny.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  Right.

• 37:32Stavros Halkias?

  The, the range of, it's purely, it's not quite the jitterbug.

• 37:37Speaker 03

  I know the jitterbug.

• 37:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, the jitterbug is like a classic, uh, cellphone that they sold on. They would sell it on, um, uh, like infomercials and it was like the buttons were insane, they were like this big. But it's that, it's close to that, so I'll go, I'll get her that through the website, but yeah, I'm just been a bad son, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna try and get a couple more gifts going this year, but, you know. It's also like, should you really buy gifts for anyone who's not a child? Isn't it a little fuck it, like?

• 38:07Speaker 03

  Well, some of us have wives, we're adults, but.

• 38:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. A good point.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:14Stavros Halkias?

  A good point, yeah, but other than wives and children.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:17Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta buy another grown man a fucking present?

• 38:20Speaker 03

  Well, I think gifts should be like, I saw this and I thought of you.

• 38:23Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 38:23Speaker 03

  Like if I was out shop or whatever and I saw, hey, a Greek fucking

• 38:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  blah bullshit, I'd be like, hey, look at this thing, I went, hey, I thought of you. That's how gifts should go and they should count towards Christmas.

• 38:36Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I like that.

• 38:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're like, remember back in June?

• 38:39Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great idea.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:41Stavros Halkias?

  You should have a tally mark and it's like, I found a great gift that you're actually gonna get used for. Mark me off, I'm done.

• 38:48Speaker 03

  I've done this before, I mean, I've had this thought before where it comes around to birthday and you don't have a good gift idea, but you're like, remember back in February, I got you whatever.

• 38:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I got you that book.

• 38:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:59Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? I got you that book about fucking, I don't know, Bruce Springsteen or whatever you like.

• 39:04Speaker 03

  I do like that. Books, by the way, are even a bag. Nobody reads anymore. People give me books and I'm like, that's hilarious.

• 39:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's funny, though. You seem like a guy who would read it. Like, in my head, I feel like you're a book guy.

• 39:15Speaker 03

  I still do read, but I literally just came around. I'm so slow and everything to Audible, like, reading, listening to books. And I'm like, this is like a game changer. And it was all ego because I like having it on the shelf so people can see how fucking well read I am.

• 39:30Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 39:31Speaker 03

  And I still like to read, but you know, the phone and the fucking.

• 39:34Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a, I'm a e-reader guy. I read on my Kindle a lot. But I'm with you, too. I've started thinking like, if I really love a book, I'm gonna buy it solely to display it.

• 39:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 39:45Stavros Halkias?

  Because books are basically like decoration and proof that, hey, I'm not that fucking stupid.

• 39:49Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 39:50Stavros Halkias?

  I know I look stupid. I know right now it's only King of the Hill DVDs on my, on my bookshelf, but I also read a couple of books.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  You're a smart guy. People think I'm very stupid.

• 40:00Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're a smart guy, too.

• 40:01Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, I think if I mention anything political, they think. Because people don't disagree anymore, they just say you're retarded. And they don't add their argument or anything. It's just, you're retarded, you shouldn't listen to this or read this.

• 40:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:14Speaker 03

  And they just point out what news you watch, and then they just move on. They don't engage with any kind of idea.

• 40:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  They're just like, you're a retard.

• 40:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  And you're like, alright.

• 40:25Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you got me. You got me there, anonymous commenter.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  I suppose I am.

• 40:31Stavros Halkias?

  But, you know, I also don't want to engage with, I don't want to have a conversation with random people from the internet either. Call me a fat lib if you must. I don't give a fuck.

• 40:42Speaker 03

  But every once in a while, I will and get, because I just want to take them to a place where I'm like, okay, so you're stupid. I do, yeah, it's bad.

• 40:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:52Speaker 03

  It's bad. A guy told me I was a mor- oh, man, I always want to read the dialogue. It's like hilarious. He's like, your political takes are retarded, you're a fucking idiot. And he's like, you don't know how the world works. And then I kept being like, well, specifically, what do you mean?

• 41:05Stavros Halkias?

  Give me one example.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  And then he was like, well, nobody wants to hear about politics. And I was like, okay, but what did I say that was incorrect? And finally, he was just like, you're incorrect because nobody wants to hear it. And I was like. Well, so that's different.

• 41:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I mean, a lot of times, though, don't leave politics out of it just means like, I think something that is bad and people judge me for, but I don't wanna, I wanna just laugh. I don't wanna be reminded that like my wife, my ex-wife won't talk to me anymore. You know what I mean? Like, that's what it boils down to.

• 41:35Speaker 03

  Right.

• 41:36Stavros Halkias?

  And how dare you have an opinion and just make me laugh. I, I love when, my favorite type is when people like, just make me fucking laugh. Like, I don't have to do shit. I'll do whatever. I'll make the worst show of all time. I don't give a fuck. You can suck my dick. I'll be, I'll make a bad podcast just to piss you off.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  Well, also, don't talk about politics means don't talk about politics I don't agree with.

• 41:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:57Speaker 03

  Cause I'm like, I could be like, Kamala's a fat lesbian fucking piece of shit. And you're like, woo hoo. And I'm like, I don't know, Trump seems a little weird.

• 42:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is interesting. It's only ever that.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm like, you know, you know, we've made, you know, Hunter Biden laptop.

• 42:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:16Speaker 03

  Go crazy.

• 42:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and by the way, fuck Joe Biden for pardoning the judge that was selling kids to for-profit prisons. Hilarious.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  I gotta read small print on that. I don't know what's going on.

• 42:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you'd probably like it because of the ethnicity most of those children were. Now, it's time for our Christmas cookie tri- tri- trial.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  I'm nervous. Are any of these chocolate chip?

• 42:39Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's true. You have the most fucking, you have the most honky palate of all time.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  What, what is it?

• 42:44Stavros Halkias?

  Now, we here, we have my mother's specialty cookies.

• 42:47Speaker 03

  Uh, nervous.

• 42:48Stavros Halkias?

  You've had them every year for like five years.

• 42:50Speaker 03

  Well, you bring them to my house.

• 42:53Stavros Halkias?

  You're the only guy that doesn't like them. That's so funny.

• 42:56Speaker 03

  What's the one in the middle that's powdery?

• 42:57Stavros Halkias?

  You'll like that. That one's pure butter sugar.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Okay. Is there some jizz in there, though?

• 43:02Stavros Halkias?

  There's no, yeah, unfortunately, there's no jizz for you. Um, we've got a baklava, we've got a curabia, and we have a melomacarano.

• 43:09Speaker 03

  Oh, I hate that enunciation.

• 43:14Stavros Halkias?

  Have one, little Joseph.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  Is it powdery?

• 43:16Stavros Halkias?

  Powder sugar and, and, and it's a powdered sugar butter cookie.

• 43:19Speaker 03

  All right. I'm nervous.

• 43:21Stavros Halkias?

  No, you'll have a great time. There, it's a good batch this year.

• 43:24Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna bite into this and there's some kind of maple syrup or some shit in there.

• 43:28Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, this one's the syrupy one. You don't like maple syrup?

• 43:31Speaker 03

  I like maple syrup, but I don't want it in a cookie. I want it on a waffle. It's a little hard, no?

• 43:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, that one's, that one's hard.

• 43:39Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm. Oh, man. Oh.

• 43:43Stavros Halkias?

  It's like really hot. Oh.

• 43:46Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm? Yeah.

• 43:50Stavros Halkias?

  That looks soft.

• 43:53Stavros Halkias?

  Take the brown one.

• 43:55Stavros Halkias?

  It's, this is a honey. Honey. I don't like honey. Honey cinnamon spiced. Mmm. That's good shit. I'll try that. Okay.

• 44:07Stavros Halkias?

  Very dry. That's what the coffee's for. It's tea. Oh, right.

• 44:12Speaker 03

  The brown one will suck your cock right, Joe.

• 44:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:15Speaker 03

  What's the nutsy things on top?

• 44:17Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, those are walnuts.

• 44:18Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 44:21Speaker 03

  Fucking walnuts.

• 44:22Stavros Halkias?

  I forgot that Joe has a fucking chicken tenders and mac and cheese pallet.

• 44:28Speaker 03

  But you shame me, you're like, oh, I'm a man of the people, poor people, and I like the poor people and the thing. But I'm just the wrong color poor person, I guess.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  Right? I mean, like, shouldn't you be empathetic towards me? You love homeless people and criminals. I grew up with a fucking bunch of retarded, white trash, mac and cheese and hot dogs. And I'm like this, oh, unpalatable retard.

• 44:55Stavros Halkias?

  Just dip your toes into some other cultures, man.

• 44:57Speaker 03

  Why can't I be? I go, I've been, I've been to more countries than you have, you son of an onion. I've eaten whale, I've eaten squid, I've eaten the other thing, reindeer.

• 45:06Stavros Halkias?

  Okay. That all came from one country. That all came from Norway, so.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  I've been to Israel, you're probably mad at me. I've also been to Kuwait and Iraq and Turkey, as part of the military complex.

• 45:23Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, some cool places.

• 45:25Speaker 03

  To entertain the imperialists.

• 45:28Stavros Halkias?

  You probably had McDonald's on those bases.

• 45:31Speaker 03

  No, Nate Bargatze, as much as you make fun of me, Nate Bargatze, who's improved his diet. He was like adamant when we were in Istanbul that he's like, don't you wanna taste what McDonald's? Turkey McDonald's? And it's like me and Louis Katz, and when I'm like on the side of like, what are you, out of your mind?

• 45:45Stavros Halkias?

  Of culture, yeah, you're the cultured one, yeah.

• 45:48Speaker 03

  He's like, but it's a different McDonald's, it's like unique. And I'm like, if we're here for a week, we're here for like five hours.

• 45:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's hilarious. That's where horseshoe theory is, cuz I'm with Nate on that one. Like, that's where, uh-oh. What does Joe think of my mother?

• 46:03Speaker 03

  This is much better.

• 46:03Stavros Halkias?

  See, that's my mother's specialty cookie, she's so good at those.

• 46:06Speaker 03

  Well, why don't you tell me that, you got me eating a fucking dry powdered.

• 46:09Stavros Halkias?

  Well, because we start there.

• 46:10Speaker 03

  This is fantastic.

• 46:11Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 46:12Speaker 03

  This is very good.

• 46:13Stavros Halkias?

  Take a box home for your wife and child as well. I would love for Maury to have a little piece of those.

• 46:19Speaker 03

  I might need a Liquid Death, this is rough.

• 46:23Speaker 03

  Not rough, but you know, I need a beverage.

• 46:25Stavros Halkias?

  It's rich. Oh, just why don't you get a Liquid Death for our guests?

• 46:27Speaker 03

  If you don't mind, just the regular, the white one, the, you know what I mean?

• 46:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, we have, we have them on the counter.

• 46:32Speaker 03

  Okay. Oh, nice, yeah, nice warm one would be great.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  A nice piss warm, if there's a cold one, I'll take it.

• 46:43Speaker 03

  We're all pals.

• 46:46Stavros Halkias?

  We have Gatorade zeros in the fridge.

• 46:48Speaker 03

  No, I do think it's unfair that I'm shamed for my palate, I grew up in a, I'm poor.

• 46:53Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's where you started, I started the exact same way, I didn't have, the only food I ate, the only like ethnic food I had, other than Greek food, which doesn't really count cuz that's what I am. I didn't have tacos till I was like sixteen, I didn't have, like, all we ate was Chinese food and pizza. Like, carry out Chinese and pizza, that was the exotic food for us. Everything else was Greek food, and so it took me, I kinda, you know, have been figuring all this shit. I was scared of sushi, I didn't know what ramen was except for the ninety-nine cent.

• 47:23Speaker 03

  Yes, same.

• 47:24Stavros Halkias?

  Top ramen stuff, and I still think children shouldn't get to have good ramen, by the way.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  Is that it?

• 47:30Speaker 04

  Oh, it's warm.

• 47:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, what's that?

• 47:33Speaker 04

  Cold. It's like a.

• 47:34Stavros Halkias?

  That's the iced tea?

• 47:35Speaker 03

  Eh, I don't need that.

• 47:36Speaker 04

  Couple of these.

• 47:37Speaker 03

  I'll just go water, I'll just go warm water.

• 47:40Stavros Halkias?

  Eld, just bring me a Gatorade Zero, please.

• 47:44Speaker 04

  Which one?

• 47:44Speaker 03

  Uh, I'll go blue, actually. Thank you.

• 47:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'll have orange.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:51Speaker 03

  No, but we all have, we all actually came from the same pallets, I think. We all have trash pallet. Aldis still exhibits trash pallet.

• 48:00Speaker 04

  I do, I mean, I'm, I'm varied, but, you know, nothing like some chicken tenders, some

• 48:05Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  mac and cheese, just plain food, no bones, like easy to chew.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, soft.

• 48:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:12Speaker 03

  Just give me some soft, I can, I want food I can swallow.

• 48:14Stavros Halkias?

  You must have been a KFC famous bowl fan.

• 48:17Speaker 03

  Well, no, we never did KFC. We were all Burger King and Papageno's. It was all pizza, french fries, and spaghetti, like spaghetti, mac and cheese, very, uh, yeah, very.

• 48:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, was that the big meal? Like, if it's like, cause we probably did pizza. That was our big, like, Friday, we'd get pizza or Chinese.

• 48:33Speaker 03

  Friday pizza, yeah, for sure. And, um, yeah, maybe occasionally tacos, but not.

• 48:40Stavros Halkias?

  No, we didn't.

• 48:41Speaker 03

  My family talks about chicken tenders. Sarah always la, it's like her favorite thing. They all talk about chicken, uh, chicken tenders like it's, uh, you know, filet. Like, they're like, have you had, she does the bill all the time. She's like, have you had the chicken tenders at TK O'Malley's? Oh, it's a die for. They're not as good as the one at O'Donohue's. O'Donohue's chicken tenders, forget about it. It's fucking cra, you think you died, went to heaven, but the real one is down at fucking Casey McElany's Chicken Tenders.

• 49:12Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 49:13Speaker 03

  Those ones are fucking out of this world.

• 49:16Stavros Halkias?

  So it runs in the family. What was the, like, did you have, like, a, where'd you go, where would you go for, like, a fancy dinner? Like, something to celebrate?

• 49:24Speaker 03

  Uh, Spaghetti Eddie's.

• 49:25Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  Called it Foxborough, Massachusetts. Which I don't think is there anymore. That was like the big Spaghetti Eddie.

• 49:30Stavros Halkias?

  Spaghetti Eddie.

• 49:31Speaker 03

  Guess what? You've been good. We're going to Spaghetti Eddie. I'm like, fuck, oh my god.

• 49:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you, you know it's fancy when the restaurant rhymes.

• 49:40Speaker 03

  Spaghetti Eddies was the fucking shit. And maybe, I mean, I don't even know. I think that's pretty much it.

• 49:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, we were a fucking Applebee's and then a Chili's family. And then we would make, we would go to, there was always Greek restaurants. My mom was a waitress in one, so it didn't feel that, but they felt a little, because they weren't cha- they were the only non-chain restaurants we went to. But we knew, you know what I mean? It was like, we knew the people who owned them. It didn't feel as special, but they were

• 50:09Stavros Halkias?

  nicer than, you know. But we were like Chili's, Bertucci's.

• 50:13Speaker 03

  Oh, Bertucci's was big, yeah. That was a little later, we went there. What about Ground Round? Was that national?

• 50:18Stavros Halkias?

  We didn't have that.

• 50:19Speaker 03

  Ground Round? Maybe that was a local thing. That, that way you could get ice cream in a, a baseball helmet. That was like the dessert thing. That was like-

• 50:26Stavros Halkias?

  They were like, let's take fucking ballpark food.

• 50:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:29Stavros Halkias?

  And serve it outside the ballpark.

• 50:31Speaker 03

  That was big. And I was talking about this the other day, my family like still bust my balls, because they, my, my grandparents' church friends took me to the Nutcracker once. And I was like seven or eight. And I asked if there was a hot dog guy. I was like, is there a hot dog guy? And they still bring it up to like, the hot dog guy, he thought the hot dog. And I felt like shame. I was like, oh my god, I guess I'm a fucking idiot. And then you look back and you're like, I'd only ever been to Fenway Park. I was seven years old. Like, the only time I'd ever been in a crowd.

• 50:59Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 51:00Speaker 03

  There's a guy walking around yelling hot dog.

• 51:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:02Speaker 03

  Now, as an adult, you look back, you think the idea of the Nutcracker, and the guy going, get your hot dogs! Who needs a dog?

• 51:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  I mean, it is funny.

• 51:09Stavros Halkias?

  Well, by the way, I'm sure it wasn't at the fucking Symphony House. I'm sure it was in some fucking, at the wo- you know, at the like, uh, uh, community college in wherever the fuck.

• 51:17Speaker 03

  No, no, it was the-

• 51:18Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, was the actual one?

• 51:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, because it was like-

• 51:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's even funnier. Okay.

• 51:21Speaker 03

  It was these church folk, and they wanted me to be culture in their night- They're still around, by the way. They're in like their late eighties.

• 51:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, you'd be fascinated by, our family friend Ruby, she like, lived in Mississippi, her fa- her husband was like a reverend, and then she like tore down the KKK. She, they have these crazy stories.

• 51:35Stavros Halkias?

  That's so cool, yeah.

• 51:36Speaker 03

  Social worker. She's one of you with the bullshit.

• 51:38Stavros Halkias?

  Bring her next time.

• 51:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, maybe I'll bring her in. You'd like her.

• 51:40Stavros Halkias?

  I would like her.

• 51:41Speaker 03

  She thinks, you know, minorities have it harder, and all this, all this crap you're always talking about.

• 51:48Speaker 03

  She thought the KKK was bad.

• 51:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're just, you're just trying to come to a conclusion. You're just open mind, you're just asking questions.

• 51:58Speaker 03

  Hey, you know, I'm one of these guys that just ask questions to Milo and Alex Jones and Donald Trump. I'm never really just asking questions to anyone else. They're just trolls.

• 52:08Stavros Halkias?

  They're just trolls.

• 52:10Speaker 03

  They're just trolling.

• 52:10Stavros Halkias?

  It's not a big deal.

• 52:11Speaker 03

  Jake Tapper and Kamala Harris and Jim Acosta, they're never just asking questions or trolling. They're evil. But I'm apolitical.

• 52:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I am apolitical, yeah, yeah, being, that is, being apolitical is the funniest part of it.

• 52:24Speaker 03

  I'm apolitical, I just like to go hang out with Tucker Carlson and tell everyone how nice he is. I don't really get into politics.

• 52:32Stavros Halkias?

  I'm just having zins with Tucker.

• 52:35Speaker 03

  An exclusively apolitical figure.

• 52:39Stavros Halkias?

  Um, fuck, that is, that is very funny, the, to hit up the Nutcracker and ask for a hot dog, but I'm with you, by the way. I'm trying to think if, they probably, our school used to take us to shit like that. Did we see the Nutcracker? I feel like I did as a youth, maybe my parents took me. But I would have been looking for snacks, by the way, for sure. It's kind of crazy they don't have snacks.

• 53:01Speaker 03

  They should have snacks and I, I thought like, we're in Boston. I got in the car and drove to Boston like I do two times a summer.

• 53:08Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  And we parked and we went to a thing, so it makes sense to me that there'd be a guy.

• 53:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's funny that they're still busting your balls.

• 53:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're like, this fucking guy, I tried to do this as a bit too, I went to Space Mountain in 1991, I was nine. And then when I got to the top, it was, I don't know if you ever went to Disney, I assume not. It was like, it wasn't, it wasn't like a roller coaster where you sit next to each other, it was like, single file. And I wanted to sit with my mother because she was like, squishy and fat and I wanted to be like, ooh. And so I chickened out and now they're still like, Space Mountain, this pussy. And I'm like, you guys have never left Eastern Massachusetts, like, I've been to like, South America many times and the Middle East.

• 53:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you've had Burger King in Peru.

• 53:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. I'm like, I've like pursued a career and I'm like, I've done Madison Square Garden, they're like, Space Mountain?

• 53:59Stavros Halkias?

  Pussy.

• 54:00Speaker 03

  I'm like, I've been on a helicopter in Baghdad, you fucks.

• 54:03Stavros Halkias?

  They let me fucking throw a bomb on an orphanage. I got to do it.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  I high-fived guys that have killed children.

• 54:16Stavros Halkias?

  What have you done?

• 54:17Speaker 03

  We actually were at Saddam Hussein's house. There was a moment where I was in Iraq with Nate and we had like bought Cubans. And there's a driving range at Saddam Hussein's palace.

• 54:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:26Speaker 03

  Hit golf balls into like his.

• 54:28Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious.

• 54:29Speaker 03

  Mecca.

• 54:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:31Speaker 03

  This feels a little weird.

• 54:34Speaker 03

  Like I'm, I'm, I don't like Saddam Hussein.

• 54:37Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 54:37Speaker 03

  I'm glad he's dead, but it feels weird to just be like, take his house and make it a driving range.

• 54:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, this couldn't be a hospital for the people of Iraq. It's a place for soldiers to blow off steam.

• 54:50Speaker 03

  A humanoid with Cubans in it. And you're like, huh, this feels a little, little weird.

• 54:57Speaker 03

  Oh, you know what? I forgot, I brought, before we get into the, I brought a delicacy for you.

• 55:01Stavros Halkias?

  Please.

• 55:02Speaker 03

  That's kind of my culture and I'd like to.

• 55:05Stavros Halkias?

  I can't wait.

• 55:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll be right back. Yeah, I think you're gonna, I think you're gonna like it.

• 55:07Stavros Halkias?

  I can't wait, I can't wait.

• 55:08Speaker 03

  Can you kill time without me?

• 55:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 55:10Speaker 03

  You'll be all right.

• 55:10Stavros Halkias?

  I'll be okay.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  I did that bit at Rogan's show and he was like, yeah, man. And I was like, no, I know. I was Rogan and Louis. And I was like, are you guys be all right if I'm not here? And I'm like, this, yeah. I'm like, no, I know.

• 55:28Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious. I can't wait to see. Hopefully it's a roast beef sandwich from Boston. You ever had those elders?

• 55:36Speaker 03

  No.

• 55:37Stavros Halkias?

  Next time we're in Boston, we gotta go. They're legitimately fucking awesome.

• 55:40Speaker 03

  I don't know, you guys.

• 55:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, here we go.

• 55:42Speaker 03

  I've had one of these before.

• 55:43Stavros Halkias?

  Drum roll.

• 55:44Speaker 03

  It's kind of something.

• 55:46Stavros Halkias?

  I'm excited.

• 55:47Speaker 03

  Family, we like it.

• 55:48Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay.

• 55:50Speaker 03

  It's a Starbucks.

• 55:53Speaker 03

  Some glazed donut from Starbucks.

• 55:55Stavros Halkias?

  Really, dude?

• 55:56Speaker 03

  It's just, you know, nothing fancy, just glazed.

• 55:59Stavros Halkias?

  Doesn't even look glazed.

• 56:00Speaker 03

  Just a beige donut where all the glaze is going on.

• 56:04Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks, man. Let me get a little piece, let me try it.

• 56:06Speaker 03

  A little piece, yeah.

• 56:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 56:09Speaker 03

  I gotta wash down this one.

• 56:10Stavros Halkias?

  In the spirit of Christmas, I'll have some.

• 56:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:14Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 56:14Speaker 03

  It's pretty good, right?

• 56:15Stavros Halkias?

  It's really good, man.

• 56:16Speaker 03

  It's called Starbucks. And it's a little, little startup from Seattle.

• 56:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you wanna try some of this, man?

• 56:23Speaker 03

  I'm all right.

• 56:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 56:25Speaker 03

  More for the boys.

• 56:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Hey, thanks, man.

• 56:29Speaker 03

  You got it.

• 56:29Stavros Halkias?

  It's Christmas.

• 56:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I didn't want you to, I wanted you to experience a little of my life.

• 56:35Stavros Halkias?

  You are, you do go to Starbucks more than anyone I know.

• 56:38Speaker 03

  I go a lot. I love it.

• 56:40Speaker 04

  I love Starbucks.

• 56:42Stavros Halkias?

  You do?

• 56:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's the best.

• 56:43Speaker 04

  Yeah. You always know what you're getting when you get a cup there.

• 56:47Speaker 03

  Oh my God. And then Christmas time with the red and the green. I mean, it's beautiful. It's nicer than my parents' house.

• 56:54Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm. Well, having this old List family delicacy, I'm ready to bring some wisdom to the callers.

• 57:00Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 57:01Stavros Halkias?

  On this beautiful Christmas Monday. Elders, what do we got, buddy?

• 57:08Speaker 05

  How are you doing? Uh, new listener, uh, and I'll just have a quick question. I wanted to see, maybe it's just me, maybe it's just bothering me more, but, uh, I live with a couple of guys, um, and one of the guy's girlfriends, um, has been doing laundry in our apartment for the past good year and a half, um, since we moved in. Uh, my original thought was that, you know, her laundry was either broken or maybe it's always taken, but it's literally every Wednesday and Monday, sometimes once a week at least, uh, she'll come over, do our laundry, uh, do her laundry in our house.

• 57:51Speaker 05

  And, you know, use our stuff, use our utilities, whatever. But the biggest thing is that there's been times where I'm trying to do my own laundry and his girlfriend's underwear is literally in my washer and I can't do anything. I can't move them to the dryer.

• 58:06Speaker 04

  What?

• 58:06Speaker 05

  So, am I out of, uh,

• 58:11Speaker 05

  am I out of pocket of saying that's not okay? Especially, you know, we all pay rent for that plate and, uh, she doesn't, but she uses it. And then three ago, never says thank you.

• 58:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, come on. Relax.

• 58:23Speaker 05

  So, am I crazy or?

• 58:25Stavros Halkias?

  Never says thank you for using your one quarter of the washing machine?

• 58:32Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, look, it's, it's obviously okay to be annoyed if someone is constantly using, these are the perils of having roommates, by the way, right? Like, it's annoying if you want to use your washing machine and it's taken up. But a guy's girlfriend using the washer, that's like so incredibly to be expected. You know what I mean? It's like, what are you gonna be like? Hey, your whore, your whore only gets to use it when I'm not using it. Like, I mean, I would be annoyed, but it's like, your utilities, like, come on. It's, you're like, and you sound a little too, you're a little too bothered by this.

• 59:17Stavros Halkias?

  Is there other, is she just annoying? Is her presence annoying? Is there more stuff?

• 59:21Speaker 03

  Right.

• 59:21Stavros Halkias?

  Because it feels like, this can't just be about the laundry. Especially when he's talking about your utilities and thank you. It's like, dude, what the fuck? What do you think, like, you think you're above this woman? Because your place has a live-in washer and dryer? It's like, she's dating someone. It's not like this guy lets his friends come in and do laundry all fucking day. It's not like he's charging, he's paying people, you know, people are paying to do it. Girlfriends just get access to your apartment. That's, that's not, they're, they're part of the agreement, dude.

• 59:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know. This sounds very liberal of you. I mean, just, they're homeless, let them take a shit on the subway. Let them take a dump. It's not your subway, it's shared. I mean, ah, with this guy, what's the, I don't know.

• 1:00:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, I think. And what do you think he should do?

• 1:00:12Speaker 03

  Well, first of all, he's a better guy than I. He can't touch her panties.

• 1:00:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean.

• 1:00:16Speaker 03

  I'd be stealing one a week.

• 1:00:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's, we call those the spoils of war.

• 1:00:20Speaker 03

  Yes, exactly. That's a panty tag.

• 1:00:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's, that is, yeah. Now, unfortunately, they have been washed.

• 1:00:26Speaker 03

  That sucks.

• 1:00:27Stavros Halkias?

  That is, that part sucks. But maybe, here's what you do, ready? You poke holes in your Tide Pods so that there's no detergent. Maybe you fill the detergent up with blue Gatorade, the blue part.

• 1:00:39Speaker 03

  That's not bad.

• 1:00:40Stavros Halkias?

  And that way, they don't smell like soap. You kind of still get some pussy smell. In the laundry.

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  That's so smart. It's really good.

• 1:00:51Speaker 03

  That is really good.

• 1:00:54Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, I don't know, this, this guy, how annoyed he is, is so, it's too much, it's like.

• 1:01:00Speaker 03

  But he is asking, "Am I crazy?" So he's, you know, he's not, he's never said anything.

• 1:01:05Stavros Halkias?

  I, sure, but he-

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  I think he's a nice boy.

• 1:01:08Speaker 04

  I think roommate stuff can just fester so easily.

• 1:01:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:01:11Speaker 04

  And a small thing can really like blow up. He does, I agree with you, he sounds like very impassioned in his voice.

• 1:01:17Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:01:18Speaker 04

  It's like, "Bro, she's just doing her laundry, who gives a fuck?"

• 1:01:21Stavros Halkias?

  This can't be the only issue, is my, is what I'm reading off of this.

• 1:01:23Speaker 04

  But that being said, like, if it's with such regularity, like, if she really is doing it every Monday and Wednesday, it's like, what is going on here?

• 1:01:34Stavros Halkias?

  It would annoy me.

• 1:01:35Speaker 04

  It's like, it, it feels like, if, if it's so regular, it almost feels like they're doing it on purpose, because they know you fucking hate it.

• 1:01:42Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think it's that, I think it's taking it for, like, it would annoy me a little bit to be like, them taking it for granted, and then on a day where I'm running late, and I just wanna do my laundry, she's got, you know, a big ass load, that would annoy me, and all I would say is, that's a conversation to have with your roommate.

• 1:02:00Speaker 03

  I would talk to the roommate, but also, I think, is it crazy to say, "Hey, would you mind throwing a few of my things in there?"

• 1:02:06Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:02:06Speaker 03

  Let her do a little bit of his laundry.

• 1:02:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:09Speaker 03

  She's doing laundry anyways, that would be kind of a compromise to me, it's like, "Hey, let me throw half my shit in there."

• 1:02:15Stavros Halkias?

  That is fun, you, you're like, "I see you're constantly using my laundry, and I raise you, fold a couple of my shirts, bitch."

• 1:02:22Speaker 04

  Oh hey, I was just about to throw some stuff in, but if you're using it, can I just throw a couple of my underwears covered in jizz in there with it? It's no big deal, right?

• 1:02:31Stavros Halkias?

  Would you do some of my load?

• 1:02:35Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but yeah, I mean, the, the, like, you need to, the things you need to work on is feeling like you need to be thanked, because the guy's girlfriend is, it's not his homeless friend trying to get his feet, you know what I mean, like, who's like, "Thank you so much for giving me some shelter," like, it's like, and your utilities are not a big deal, whatever the fucking water is used to do, you know, laundry. What I would say is, if it's, you can ha, if it gets too much, to the point where you feel like you can't do laundry, truly, that's a conversation to have with your roommate, but even still, it's like- Is it that? Like, if this was your roommate and not his girlfriend, would you get annoyed?

• 1:03:19Stavros Halkias?

  Cause if the answer is no, if they're not on the aggregate doing more than uh, what a roommate, the amount of laundry a roommate should do, then you kinda have to let this go. Cause whether it's his girlfriend or not, I feel like girlfriend is a protected class under a roommate. They pretty much get to, you know, they get to use utilities. Especially if it's like once a week, like, I know once a week is annoying, the regularity is annoying, but is once a week that often? Is it that much of your life? You know what I'm saying?

• 1:03:50Speaker 04

  I think so. I could see getting annoyed at that.

• 1:03:53Stavros Halkias?

  Once a week? Who gives a fuck?

• 1:03:55Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 1:03:56Speaker 03

  Well, how much more does people do laundry? What you gonna be doing, five days a week?

• 1:04:00Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's what I'm saying is like, but also, yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's like,

• 1:04:04Speaker 04

  I could, I could see it being annoying.

• 1:04:05Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe you could have a conversation to be like, hey, can she do her laundry at a time that you will never do laundry? Like, could you have a conversation with your roommate to be like, hey, man, this is a little annoying. I kinda wanna use the, the, the, these times are really bad for me. This is when I do laundry. Can she do it? X day, you know what I mean? Like, if, if this is gonna be a regular thing, then let's treat it like a roommate dispute. And be like, this is her time to do laundry or whatever the fuck, you know what I mean? If it's that crazy, but.

• 1:04:33Speaker 03

  Man, I add this also, the thing about her not saying thank you, I don't think he needs a thank you for everything. I don't think he's an asshole. I think that builds up after a while, cause you're like, at least.

• 1:04:43Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:04:43Speaker 03

  It'd be nice if at least she went, oh my god, thank you so much.

• 1:04:46Stavros Halkias?

  This is so nice, you're saving me.

• 1:04:47Speaker 03

  It is crazy to use someone's laundry every day and never be like, hey, thank you, I know, whatever.

• 1:04:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:53Speaker 03

  So I think that probably just, it built and built and built, and then he added that.

• 1:04:57Stavros Halkias?

  The thank you would be nice, for sure.

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  Thank you would be nice.

• 1:04:59Stavros Halkias?

  On her part.

• 1:04:59Speaker 03

  You're coming around.

• 1:05:00Stavros Halkias?

  If I, well, if I was counseling her, I would say, hey, this could be kind of annoying. Just be gracious about it. Maybe get the guy a Starbucks donut every once in a while, like, you know what I mean? Like,

• 1:05:11Speaker 04

  I should get two.

• 1:05:12Stavros Halkias?

  And I get it, on her part, like, this could be, she could be more thankful that, and that would make this a non-issue whatsoever.

• 1:05:19Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 1:05:21Stavros Halkias?

  But at the same time, if I was like, I guess to put myself in her shoes, if I was like using my girlfriend's laundry all the time, I would probably be a little more. She probably just, he probably just doesn't like this girl that much. And she's doing something a little annoying and it just fucking festers over time. And I would tell you, this just goes, personally, I think this just falls under the annoyance of having roommate category.

• 1:05:46Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:05:47Stavros Halkias?

  Like.

• 1:05:47Speaker 03

  Work harder.

• 1:05:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:05:49Speaker 03

  Bootstraps.

• 1:05:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um, this just is, it's, it doesn't sound that crazy. It's definitely annoying, you're right to be annoyed, but it seems to me like it falls within the like, sucks to have roommates, bro. Sometimes you're fucking, sometimes like when you have to do laundry, your roommates are gonna be in the fucking laundry machine. And I think it just annoys you because you just, you might just not like how often his girlfriend's over. That's, that's another roommate thing. It's like, if she's over the amount that it's like, this is an extra roommate. You know, you could have the conversation of like, she needs to be fucking paying rent. But if it's the, if it's a once a week thing, you're not there and it's just annoying.

• 1:06:30Speaker 03

  Also steal the panties.

• 1:06:32Stavros Halkias?

  Steal her panties.

• 1:06:33Speaker 03

  Take a pair of underwear. Take a pair of underwear and hang them in your fucking nose.

• 1:06:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, sell them. Sell them, you know what I mean? Say, create an AI-generated, uh, you know, Wajin with big tits, pretend you're her. Make a, a, a Instagram and then say they're her panties and sell them and make a quick buck.

• 1:06:51Speaker 03

  Hundred percent.

• 1:06:52Stavros Halkias?

  I think we solved it.

• 1:06:53Speaker 03

  Done deal.

• 1:06:54Stavros Halkias?

  Solved it, uh, what else we got, Eldis?

• 1:07:01Stavros Halkias?

  Uh-oh, what's that? Holy shit. Do you hear that, Joe? You hear that, you hear that music? What the hell, where are we going? Is it, is it fucking time for the motherfucking twisted, twisted ass fucking question of the week or whatever it is? We're still working on the name. So we have a particular, and I know you're a sober man, but.

• 1:07:27Speaker 03

  Not anymore, baby.

• 1:07:29Stavros Halkias?

  I bet every time you lay eyes on a Twisted Tea, you really rethink those.

• 1:07:33Speaker 03

  You got that.

• 1:07:33Stavros Halkias?

  Years of sobriety.

• 1:07:35Speaker 03

  Well, that was my drink of choice, of course.

• 1:07:36Stavros Halkias?

  You were a twisted guy?

• 1:07:37Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Nothing like cracking a Twisted Tea and watching some WWF wrestling.

• 1:07:44Speaker 03

  Those are my two things. I would vote Republican, watch wrestling, and drink Twisted Tea.

• 1:07:48Stavros Halkias?

  Let's keep it apolitical for the sponsors, Joe.

• 1:07:55Stavros Halkias?

  This is where we are apolitical. When it comes time to promote the product of our pals over at Twisted Tea. So Eldis, what is the twisted ass fucking question of the week, man?

• 1:08:08Speaker 06

  Hey, Stavi, uh, long time listener, first time caller. Uh, I'm in a bit of a situation, so the holidays are coming up, obviously.

• 1:08:16Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:16Speaker 06

  And, uh, Thanksgiving just passed, so blackout Wednesday. Had occurred, and I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend of, like, three years removed, like, really messy breakup, everything.

• 1:08:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's keeping it twisted. Yeah, baby. My boy's keeping it twisted as fuck. Hooking up with an ex on Thanksgiving Wednesday, that is some twisted behavior.

• 1:08:39Speaker 03

  Three years of far.

• 1:08:41Stavros Halkias?

  Three years, you're just out of the woods. Three years after a messy breakup, it's like, ah, I'm finally totally free. And then you fucking re-upped salute, man, that's a twisted maneuver right there.

• 1:08:53Speaker 06

  Years removed, like, really messy breakup, everything, like, poured sugar in my gas tank.

• 1:08:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my god!

• 1:09:01Speaker 06

  Kind of a life-ruining ex.

• 1:09:02Stavros Halkias?

  This bitch did domestic terrorism to you and you fucked her?

• 1:09:06Speaker 03

  Life-ruining ex.

• 1:09:09Stavros Halkias?

  The pussy must have been out of this world.

• 1:09:12Speaker 06

  And I hooked up with her again, and now I'm kind of fucking addicted, so.

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  Idiot, dumb.

• 1:09:17Speaker 06

  I don't know if I should see it through, you know, bring it back to Christmas. Am I losing my mind, but? Ah, man, she's just so fucking hot. And it's a little bit of a dry spell as well, so I just don't know what to do.

• 1:09:30Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that's really what it is.

• 1:09:31Speaker 06

  I love your advice. Thank you very much. Goodbye.

• 1:09:34Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, pal. You kept it way too twisted. That's the thing about keeping it twisted. You twisted a little bit. You've twisted, you've twisted it all around and around and around. You gotta untwist, brother. You're too twisted right now. This is fucking nuts, dude. She poured sugar in his gas tank. She destroyed his car, it sounds like.

• 1:09:58Speaker 03

  Maybe she's improved, though. It's been three years. Maybe she's been seeking help, getting therapy.

• 1:10:04Stavros Halkias?

  I suppose. It doesn't sound like it, though. I mean, it just sounds like, by the way, this shows you how hilarious, how truly powerless young men are. Where it's like, he said all this stuff, and then at the end, he's like, "And I'm in a bit of a dry spell." Which is the true reason all of this happened. It's like, you just get a guy not having sex for eight months, and he's like, "Maybe the girl that ruined my life but sucked dick incredibly, maybe it's time to re-up with her."

• 1:10:33Speaker 03

  A life-ruining. Ruin the life. Get her over here.

• 1:10:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, bring her in. Um, yeah, dude, I mean, you're so, so stupid. You've made a huge error because you have no self-discipline and can't, can't just try and break through a dry spell honestly. It's like, I think we've used this metaphor before, where it's like, it's like you're thirsty, and you go back to a well that someone took a fat shit in. And you're like, "At least there's some water in here." You know, where what you should have been doing is getting a fresh, twisted tea.

• 1:11:08Speaker 03

  There it is.

• 1:11:09Stavros Halkias?

  Instead of poisoned water from the well of the insane ex. You should have cracked open a delicious twisted tea, brewed with real iced tea, by the way, and 5% alcohol by volume. One of the finest game day drinks you could possibly have. That's what you should have reached for, not for the proverbial poisoned well of your insane ex. Uh, you've made a huge mistake. You need to back out. It's Christmas Monday right now. Do not fuck this girl again. Get out. You've made a mistake. This will be hard. You are addicted. You will go through, you know, head withdrawals from this woman. It's just, unless we're missing something, which I don't think we are.

• 1:11:49Speaker 04

  No, it doesn't seem like it. I mean, poured sugar in the gas is a crazy move. You're like, you broke up with me, that's crazy. Here's sugar, like, I'm gonna ruin your car.

• 1:11:57Stavros Halkias?

  You're out, you know, anywhere fi- from five to forty thousand dollars. Because of this woman, it's like, come on, man.

• 1:12:04Speaker 04

  And you know it in your voice. You can hear it. You're saying it. You're not like, oh man, I'm so happy to be back with this girl.

• 1:12:09Stavros Halkias?

  She's gone to a lot of, he, he didn't say any of the stuff you might have speculated where it's like, yeah, I'm not saying it's not possible for, if this person was going through a like psychotic break and they've gotten help and whatever. And even then, I would be like, good for her, let her, let her fix her life with the next guy. It ain't gonna be me.

• 1:12:28Speaker 04

  I think he can totally keep it very twisted here and just fuck her again over the Christmas holiday. Here's why.

• 1:12:35Stavros Halkias?

  You're keeping it too twisted, Elvis.

• 1:12:37Speaker 04

  Here's why, he, the damage is already done. They already fucking fucked on Thanksgiving.

• 1:12:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you, you smoked crack one time. What's three more times over the holidays? You know the holidays. You know the holidays when people don't have any mental health issues, suicides don't go up or anything like that. This is the time to mess around.

• 1:12:57Speaker 04

  Had to stick with the theme of the show. Well, I think year 11 of the Iraq war. I think this one, this, uh, this is the year we crack through, send a few hundred thousand more troops.

• 1:13:07Stavros Halkias?

  Get a couple more troops in there. This is where the tide turns.

• 1:13:10Speaker 04

  I think he can fuck her once or, once or twice more times before New Year's and because the holidays, the holidays are kinda like that in-between thing. You could still make a clean cut and like, you know, just, just get it in while, while, while, while you're like home for the holidays and just shake it off after that. This isn't crack. This is just some warm and fuzzy.

• 1:13:30Stavros Halkias?

  You're right. It's heroin. It's pills. It's not crack. I, I know what you're saying and I'm not, I do think there is a, like, it's the whole thing of, Are you really gonna start a diet on December 20th? Probably not. Having said that, get, once you give yourself permission to just lean in, it can get dangerous.

• 1:13:53Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:13:53Stavros Halkias?

  Like, all I'm saying is, the quicker he cuts this off, the better. And if he takes a little, couple more suckles of that forbidden teat, he might get too addicted to cut it off, dude. That's all I'm saying. The quicker, if this is a one-time thing, it's a lot easier to stop than if it's a three-time thing. In my experience, with this literal issue.

• 1:14:15Speaker 03

  Also, I say this every episode of Mom with, it comes to advice. Have you ever heard of jerking off? I don't get it. One of these people just beat off. It's like, yeah, a dry spell. I have a kid. We go a week without fucking. I beat off. It's like, just beat off. Jerk off. Put some porn. It's never been easier. Put on Pornhub, get some lube, put something in your asshole.

• 1:14:42Stavros Halkias?

  Search Toxic X. They'll have a bitch that looks exactly like yours. Like, you'll be fine, dude.

• 1:14:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, you could probably put sugar in the gas tank porn.

• 1:14:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:52Speaker 03

  It's a lady ruining your life. So, just go beat off for Christmas.

• 1:14:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, go beat off for Christmas. And that's the twisted-ass motherfucking question of the fucking week, bitch.

• 1:15:07Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:15:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:15:12Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta remember to keep it twisted, everyone.

• 1:15:15Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 1:15:18Speaker 03

  Whoa, that was impressive.

• 1:15:19Stavros Halkias?

  Pretty cool, right?

• 1:15:21Speaker 03

  That was really cool.

• 1:15:23Stavros Halkias?

  All right, Aldous. Well, we kept it twisted. What else can we do for our pals?

• 1:15:34Speaker 05

  So I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. And I met him through Tinder. I've been keeping a humongous secret from him that he most definitely would not have matched and met up with me if he knew.

• 1:15:49Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 1:15:50Speaker 05

  Um, I'm missing a tooth.

• 1:15:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 1:15:55Speaker 05

  I have a retainer that has a tooth in it. And I come alone or like around family or like the closest of people, I will take the retainer out and eat without it. So my mouth is nasty. And so this entire year, I have been nasty. And every time I eat, I have to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth and brush out the retainer. And it's honestly just a huge inconvenience at this point.

• 1:16:30Stavros Halkias?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:16:31Speaker 05

  Um, I've kept it close to my heart because it's hella embarrassing. And I just, I feel like enough time has passed that even if he wants to, he can't leave me. If I tell him about the missing tooth. The missing tooth is like in the front of my face. Nothing cool happened. There was just like a dental mishap when I was like a teenager. And the implant didn't work. They'd take the implant out like two years before I met my boyfriend. I just tried to get the implant back in. Another mishap happened. They had to take it back out. And it's another three to six months till I can find out if I can get the tooth back in.

• 1:17:17Speaker 05

  I feel like the saving grace is the fact there's a chance I will get my tooth back. Um, I feel like I'm hot enough that I can get away with it. But regardless, I, I don't even want, I don't even think I can take it out in front of him, man.

• 1:17:32Stavros Halkias?

  What are you talking about? This isn't love then.

• 1:17:35Speaker 05

  Um.

• 1:17:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, it'd be really great. Have your advice of what I should do. If I should just keep on having this annoying nasty habit of mine with eating with a fucking retainer in. If I should just suck it up and tell my boyfriend that I've been hiding this ridiculous secret from him. Be great if I could get your help. Thanks so much.

• 1:18:02Speaker 03

  This made me sad.

• 1:18:03Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 1:18:04Speaker 03

  Poor lady.

• 1:18:04Stavros Halkias?

  I know. She's been with him for how long did you say? Almost a year?

• 1:18:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:18:09Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta let this go, Toots. This is not a big, this is truly not a big deal. You're already past the point. And you're hot.

• 1:18:17Speaker 03

  And you're hot.

• 1:18:18Stavros Halkias?

  You've been together for a year.

• 1:18:18Speaker 03

  And guys, I would fuck a woman if she was hot and willing to fuck me. She could have no teeth. All her teeth could come out. I would go, oh, okay. You could pull a dick out. And I'd be like, oh, wow, crazy. Yeah, suck it and have her fuck me in the ass while holding my ankles. But like, you're totally, I get it. Hey, I got crooked teeth, Invisalign. I took my Invisalign out for this.

• 1:18:42Stavros Halkias?

  For the pod.

• 1:18:43Speaker 03

  Whatever.

• 1:18:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, yep.

• 1:18:44Speaker 03

  So I get the thing, but it's fine.

• 1:18:48Stavros Halkias?

  This is nothing. And I know it, and I, I mean, I literally am the right person to call because I remember feeling this. And even as a person who has always looked kind of ridiculous. My job, my job is being funny. Like, even as somebody who, like, and, and I had, I was toothless publicly for like two years. But that was an accident because I lost the retainer that she has.

• 1:19:12Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:19:12Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I didn't mean to be toothless. I had for about four months, I was wearing a flipper. And there was one day where I was running late for a show and I took the tooth out to fucking take a nap. And I thought I put it, I thought I put, I literally to this day have no idea where, you know, where it is. And by the way, that's like, I lost, it's funny they give you this little ass tooth to put over your thing. And it's like, I lost my, the tooth in my head. You don't think I'm gonna lose the little tooth that comes out?

• 1:19:41Speaker 03

  Right, right, right.

• 1:19:42Stavros Halkias?

  Like, what are you talking about? So I lost it and then I was running late to a show. And I almost thought about canceling and I was like, what, who cares? It'll be kind of funny. And I did the thing and it was just like so freak, and I always hated the way it felt. And I, and it was just, it was, people found it very funny.

• 1:20:00Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:20:00Stavros Halkias?

  People were like, what the fuck? You don't have a tooth? And then I was just like, Maybe I'll just, and I just kept doing it. And it was incredibly freeing for me, and I'm not saying you're the kind of person. You're not even saying, should I get rid of the tooth and go about my normal day to day life? You're saying, in intimate moments where I'm sharing a fucking meal with my boyfriend of one year, can I take my tooth out? The answer is yes. I remember even back then, I would take my tooth out and it was funny. It was funny to see my friends react. I don't know if we ever had lunch when I took it out. I definitely did it in front of Soder and he was like, what the fuck? Sam, it was funny seeing, the first time people see it is funny.

• 1:20:35Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:20:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, come clean to him and be like, hey, I had some dental surgery. I didn't want to tell you. He'll probably be like, why didn't you tell me sooner?

• 1:20:44Speaker 03

  Yes, and it'll make you guys both feel closer. It feels good to be in on a thing. You feel intimate. Men are desiring, deeply desiring connection.

• 1:20:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I agree.

• 1:20:53Speaker 03

  And all the time. I feel good when somebody confesses something to me because I feel like, oh, blah. It's a very toxic masculinity bullshit world we're brought up in.

• 1:21:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:04Speaker 03

  So to be invited into something that's kind and sweet.

• 1:21:07Stavros Halkias?

  I agree.

• 1:21:08Speaker 03

  You have the best sex of your fucking life.

• 1:21:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:10Speaker 03

  And the longer you're together as someone that's been with a woman for 75 years. You can use this. Eventually he'll be like, take your tooth out. Well, fuck. It'll be like a crackhead. I remember Sarah and I were in Paris and I was like, we should get cigarettes because that's what you do in France.

• 1:21:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:24Speaker 03

  And she had like the nastiest smoker breath and it was like hot. It like made me come. Is anything different? I was like, yeah, nasty shit mouth. I'm into that. You know what I mean? Any kind of different.

• 1:21:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:36Speaker 03

  It's good. So you're good.

• 1:21:39Stavros Halkias?

  I agree. And you're hot. And what you said, it's like, this does make me sad. You shouldn't feel this worried to just admit, because it's a medical mishap.

• 1:21:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:48Stavros Halkias?

  It's not you. It's not like anything. And whatever it is, it's like you should be able to, those closest to you. Basically.

• 1:21:56Stavros Halkias?

  You that you're maybe some of the anxiety too is she said like the only people that she brings this up are like family people really close to her. And at about a year, you're kind of deciding is the person I'm dating going to cross over into like

• 1:22:10Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:22:10Stavros Halkias?

  The most important people in my life. That can be kind of nerve wracking psychologically too to be like this is going from like a fun little, you know, a fun little relationship of a year or under to like getting really serious. And this is kind of a symbol of it getting kind of serious. So it's like if it's feeling good. Go for it. It'll be freeing for you. It'll feel, I think it'll bring you guys together. And if he's the kind, if he's the kind of weirdo that's like ew, you fucking bitch, you lied to me. You don't want this guy in your life.

• 1:22:40Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:22:41Stavros Halkias?

  Cause shit like this is gonna come up. Shit that's a little embarrassing. Like if you can't be turn to your partner for that comfort when some fucking trainee dentist fucks your fucks your implant up, who can you turn to? You want someone who's gonna be there for you in your embarrassing moments? Or who don't even see them as embarrassing. So this is good either way.

• 1:23:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's not gonna care. My wife was born without pussy lips. It's fine.

• 1:23:09Stavros Halkias?

  Big accident where she was getting, they delivered her by her pussy lips and they pulled them off.

• 1:23:13Speaker 03

  Totally done. I have them in a jar.

• 1:23:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck. Yes, Elvis, keep it going, pussy.

• 1:23:25Speaker 06

  Hey, stop. I never thought I'd actually call you, but a big fan of the podcast. Um, I'm just calling cause uh, my wife, who I love so much, we've been together since I mean, almost like 16 years. I'm 33. We just had a baby boy. He's about seven months old and everything's going amazing. Uh, but my wife is definitely feeling self-conscious about her body and I definitely try to affirm how she's feeling. Uh, all the time and get her flowers and you know, be um.

• 1:24:04Speaker 06

  As supportive and loving as humanly possible, but you know, obviously she's working it out on her own. But I was just curious if uh, have you had some advice on ways to help her feel more beautiful? And um, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I guess I'm just trying everything just to help her feel better.

• 1:24:22Stavros Halkias?

  That's nice. That's sweet.

• 1:24:24Speaker 06

  Make her feel as beautiful as she is. So uh, yeah, I appreciate it so much and uh, thanks for the pod. Later.

• 1:24:31Speaker 03

  Oh, this guy's like too sweet. Trying to have fun.

• 1:24:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. I say, here's what I would do. I would say have her catch you beating off to like young women with huge tits and be like, this is what you look like to me. This, you look like this to me, babe. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, I don't even care that your shit's wrinkly and flappy. To my, in my head, you look like them. I think she'd love that.

• 1:24:56Speaker 03

  I think that's done. That's perfect. Perfect. Well, first of all, the best part is he says my wife like Borat. He's like, and uh, my wife.

• 1:25:06Stavros Halkias?

  A s- a short solemn Borat impression.

• 1:25:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, my wife and uh, no, yeah.

• 1:25:12Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. I mean, you're recent, you have, how old's, how old's little Mark?

• 1:25:15Speaker 03

  He's uh, like fourteen months, about double the age of this dork.

• 1:25:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, my wi- I think my wife feels, I mean, she's always a little self, but I, there's no, for my end, there's only so much you can do. You can't say people, every, everybody thinks they're gross and disgusting and it doesn't matter.

• 1:25:33Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:25:34Speaker 03

  Like, anyway, and a million people could say, you're hot, I'm into you. You're still gonna be like, nah, they're just trying to be nice. So keep doing what you're doing, but ultimately it is on her to feel better about herself. You can't make anyone change their perspective and you're attracted to her, you're kind and you got bigger fish to fry anyways, right now.

• 1:25:54Stavros Halkias?

  Baby, sure.

• 1:25:55Speaker 03

  So just keep being, you know, loving and supportive. It's, it is funny though, cause he's like, she's self-conscious of her body and I try to affirm how she's feeling, which is funny. He's like, I do my best to make sure she's right.

• 1:26:07Stavros Halkias?

  Stay in the gym.

• 1:26:10Speaker 03

  But yeah, she's also going through, I mean, that first year, she's going through so much. And there's so much stress and pressure of the baby. So just keep telling her, she looks great, keep fucking and saying you wanna fuck. I think that's important.

• 1:26:22Stavros Halkias?

  And even if you're getting, like, that's a great point about that first year. Like, I can't even, it seems so tough, like, post-pregnancy. And a lot of people deal with postpartum depression, and it's a weird time hormonally, and like, your mental health can be weird. So, all you can really do is just be there for her and like, give her some, cut her a tremendous amount of slack.

• 1:26:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:26:43Stavros Halkias?

  Cause she might, you know, who knows how it affect, pregnant, postpartum affects everybody differently. And yeah, don't take it, just be there for her, don't take it personally if like, you know, you're trying to, if, if, like, if this call is boiling down to, my wife doesn't think she's hot enough, so she's not giving me pussy. If that's the subtext.

• 1:27:04Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:27:04Stavros Halkias?

  Then like, you might just not fuck that much that year. You know what I mean? Like, it might just be a year where it's like, getting rejected might, the fact that you're making advances makes her feel good. She might still not wanna have sex. Like, it's just like, you, I think that's really what it is. Keep being supportive and understand that like, you just gotta cut her some slack in the, in the first year post-pregnancy. And you know, that's a general rule in your, in a relationship, as long as it feels equitable. Give each other some grace, cut each other some slack. You know, there might be times where you're feeling weird. You know, she's feeling weird post-baby, you're probably gonna get fat and like, you're 40, you know what I mean? You're probably gonna go bald or something and go fat and get fat, whatever. Then she'll be there for you for that.

• 1:27:45Stavros Halkias?

  Um, you know, just, just keep being a nice, supportive guy and, and cutting her some slack. Cause, yeah, it must feel strange. And, and, and most babies, I know, you and Marty got a good thing going. He really, he really likes being around his dad. But a lot of babies are like, attached to their mom.

• 1:28:04Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 1:28:04Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that's the other thing. Like, is she dealing with that? Cause I have friends of mine, that's just been so overwhelming for them.

• 1:28:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:28:11Stavros Halkias?

  That they don't feel like they have a second to themselves. That it's like, she might get an hour every night, like, to just chill out, and she might not want to like, to hear about how hot she is and get you trying to get your dick sucked in that hour. She might just wanna like, chill. So, you know.

• 1:28:31Stavros Halkias?

  So you know, let her get away with it two, three times and after that be like, "A man has needs!"

• 1:28:36Speaker 03

  Right. That's what I do still.

• 1:28:44Stavros Halkias?

  Let her catch you scrolling on escort websites.

• 1:28:49Stavros Halkias?

  She'll change your tune real fast. Uh, let's do a couple more here, Joseph.

• 1:28:54Speaker 03

  Please.

• 1:28:55Speaker 05

  Hey, Stavi, hey, Eldis. Um, I absolutely love your guys' podcast.

• 1:28:59Speaker 03

  Thank you, thank you.

• 1:29:00Speaker 05

  I have a little bit of a weird question today, but I think you can help me out. So, um, my sister works with somebody, um, not gonna name names, but he's about thirty years old. And, uh, I know him, I went to high school with him and his now wife. And my sister has been telling me that he's having an affair with one of the eighteen-year-old girl, eighteen-year-old receptionists that work there. And, um, you know, saying it's so messed up and blah, blah, blah. And, uh, I know this guy's wife from high school as well, but we weren't really ever friends. I never really talked to her or anything, but, you know, my sister's telling me about how like,

• 1:29:43Speaker 05

  he takes her out on dates all the time, this, this girl that he's having an affair with takes her out on dates and brings her flowers and it's like this whole contentious thing because they're not supposed to be dating, blah, blah, blah.

• 1:29:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:54Speaker 05

  Anyway, so my question is...

• 1:29:56Stavros Halkias?

  Well, he's not supposed to be dating the eighteen-year-old subordinate out of his marriage?

• 1:30:03Speaker 03

  Hilarious.

• 1:30:06Speaker 05

  Saying blah, blah, blah. Anyway, so my question is, do I say something to the girl that I wasn't really friends with in high school? I see her make posts on Facebook sometimes about, I don't know, just, you know, the sad girl stuff. Like, oh, like, I wish, you know, someone would do more for me, kinda like hinting that her husband is kind of like a little broke ass bitch and doesn't take care of her and her two kids, so. I'm just wondering, do I stir the pot and do I tell this girl, or do I leave it alone? Part of me kinda wants to stir the pot a little bit, but also I just feel bad for her too, like she wasn't ever a rude girl, we just weren't really friends in high school. She's really nice, I feel bad for her two kids and her kinda just being left to the wayside, so.

• 1:30:49Speaker 05

  Let me know what you guys think, if I should blow the spot up or what? Anyway, have a great day, thanks for all the advice, you guys are amazing, bye.

• 1:30:57Stavros Halkias?

  What are you, fucking Batman? What are you, a fucking vigilante here?

• 1:31:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:31:03Stavros Halkias?

  This is not, the, you, I, look. I don't even, I don't even trust that your intentions are pure.

• 1:31:13Stavros Halkias?

  Stir, you've used the phrase stir the pot twice, you gotta want a little action, a little drama. If this was a close friend, that's different, you don't fucking know this person at all. If it wasn't for Facebook, this is where we have access to each other too much. If it wasn't for Facebook, you wouldn't even think, this wouldn't even be a person you think you remember exists. You know what I mean, this is not someone in your life, what this guy's doing is shitty for sure, but it's like. Do you really wanna get in the middle of this?

• 1:31:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're gonna ruin her life. You're not doing a cer- like, she's fu- you're gonna ruin everyone's life.

• 1:31:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, who knows, it's just like, it's such a variable and who are you to fucking mix this shit up?

• 1:31:52Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:31:53Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 1:31:53Speaker 03

  This is none of your business.

• 1:31:54Speaker 04

  This sounds like some hometown intrigue.

• 1:31:57Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:31:57Speaker 04

  Just like, oh, you tell the girl, then you hit up your other girlfriends from high school, it's like, look at this screenshot, I told her.

• 1:32:04Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:32:05Speaker 04

  And it just feels exciting to like have such a juicy gossip.

• 1:32:09Stavros Halkias?

  The thrill, the sick thrill in her voice, like if she was somber, I might think about it a little bit. If she was like, this is a tragedy, I feel for these kids, I have an extra spare room that she could move it, like.

• 1:32:21Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 1:32:22Stavros Halkias?

  Are you gonna help her through this? Or are you just gonna drop the, are you gonna be America, destabilize the region and then leave, you know what I mean, like? What are you really gonna fucking do?

• 1:32:32Speaker 04

  Saying she was never a bitch to us in high school doesn't warrant a mercenary snitching.

• 1:32:37Stavros Halkias?

  No dude, it's like, again, this is your close friend. If this is somebody you're gonna support through this, that's one thing. And it's also like, you don't even know what's going on. I mean, not sa- you probably have a good idea. This guy does not sound like a good person. Uh huh, but you also have no idea what the fuck's going on in this relationship. You have no idea what's going on in their home. And the fact that you're just a, you're like a, a passerby that's trying to inject themselves into the fucking narrative here.

• 1:33:05Speaker 03

  Well, also, like, I read a lot of stuff about current affairs and psychology, and teenage girls are committing suicide at a high rate, they're cutting, they're overweight. This guy's making this young teenage girl feel good.

• 1:33:19Speaker 03

  He's fucking her, he's offering her companionship, you know what I mean?

• 1:33:25Speaker 04

  A sophisticated older man.

• 1:33:27Speaker 03

  She's gonna be just another statistic.

• 1:33:29Stavros Halkias?

  He's doing a, a community service, you're so right, he's a mentor.

• 1:33:32Speaker 03

  He's probably keeping her off of meds and everything. Most teenage girls are struggling with self-esteem, and this one's getting bald by a middle-aged guy.

• 1:33:44Stavros Halkias?

  Going to TGI Fridays, getting whatever she wants off the Jack Daniels menu.

• 1:33:47Speaker 03

  Yes, so I think he's a, I think he's first class, and you don't wanna break that up. He's got two women, it's better than one.

• 1:33:56Stavros Halkias?

  That is a good point, though, it's like, you don't even think about this, like, dumb little kid who's so, she's like, fallen under the spell of some middle manager. Cause it's the first guy who's been like, hey, see, you wanna take a ride in my fucking, whatever, Lincoln he has? Um, yeah, anyway, so, uh, you know, don't do anything, you're a fu- you're being a busybody. This is not a close friend of yours, this is just someone you're tangentially aware of.

• 1:34:22Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:34:23Stavros Halkias?

  And, uh, unless you're willing to like- Support her through a divorce? Don't fucking, don't, don't inject yourself into this.

• 1:34:32Speaker 03

  Go volunteer somewhere.

• 1:34:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:34Speaker 03

  Stir the pot that way.

• 1:34:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, right, right, right, right, right. There's probably other people with shittier situations that could use some help. Other than you, yeah, what you're doing with that, you're, you're trying to excuse being a gossip. Through like being an altruistic person, where it's like, and in fact, you know what? If you volunteer a soup kitchen for forty hours, you can do this. Like, we can, we can trade off, we can trade off. If you do enough good, you can do a little harm.

• 1:35:05Stavros Halkias?

  My guess is you'll never buy that much.

• 1:35:09Stavros Halkias?

  We think, oh, there's one more to see us off here? Yeah, I got a good one to close us out. Beautiful. We don't want to take up too much of Joseph's time.

• 1:35:15Speaker 03

  I gotta get back, it's Tara's time, really.

• 1:35:17Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Joe's like, keep it going. We can do three hours.

• 1:35:25Speaker 06

  Stavros, it's me, Scott.

• 1:35:27Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, Scott.

• 1:35:29Speaker 06

  Love the podcast. Love you, love Aldous.

• 1:35:34Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks, Scotty.

• 1:35:35Speaker 06

  Your guys' chemistry is beautiful because I have a very similar

• 1:35:40Speaker 06

  best friend situation. Anyways, simple question. So, over the years, I've, uh,

• 1:35:52Speaker 06

  used to celebrate Christmas and the holidays, everything like everybody else. We buy presents, we open them on Christmas Day, blah, blah. Now, I'm pretty anti-present. I don't want presents. I don't want to give people presents, you know, let's just let the days pass by.

• 1:36:10Speaker 06

  But, I understand it's a dickish move.

• 1:36:13Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds depressed.

• 1:36:14Speaker 06

  So, uh, what do you recommend I do? Should I just get, you know, presents for my parents, presents for my brothers? Should I just not get any presents at all?

• 1:36:24Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:36:25Speaker 06

  If I'm not expecting presents as well? Even though I'm probably gonna get some? Anyways.

• 1:36:31Stavros Halkias?

  This is so funny.

• 1:36:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, just let me know.

• 1:36:34Speaker 03

  And uh.

• 1:36:34Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:36:36Speaker 03

  Can I just say, you have to have this discussion with the people.

• 1:36:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:36:40Speaker 03

  Take a stab at it.

• 1:36:41Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:36:42Speaker 03

  Ah, no presents.

• 1:36:43Stavros Halkias?

  I've decided no presents, yeah.

• 1:36:45Speaker 03

  Like, you have a conversation with them and you say, hey, money's a little tight.

• 1:36:49Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:36:50Speaker 03

  Whatever it is. You can't just do your own thing.

• 1:36:53Stavros Halkias?

  Can we do secret? This is why people do Secret Santa. So instead of twenty presents, everyone's responsible for one present.

• 1:36:59Speaker 03

  Or a Yankee swap.

• 1:37:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, or a Yankee swap.

• 1:37:02Speaker 03

  Whatever it's called, elephant.

• 1:37:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, blue, white elephant. Um, so yeah, I get it. We even said, like, I even said, like, it's weird to buy presents for adults. Like, you know, I, for kids, it's fun. Like, I totally get, you know, if there's kids in your life, whatever, but it's like, I still get presents for my family. It's like, it's a little, sure, it can be a bit of, if you're busy and money's tight, whatever, it can be a little annoying, but fundamentally, it's nice to do, and you have to have this conversation with the people. More, more than anything, though, if, I am alarmed, this guy sounds like he wants to fucking.

• 1:37:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:37:41Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, I used to, I had a best, like, he even started, like, wistfully recounting that he has a best friend, like, is that relationship okay? Um, and why are you anti-present? Why don't you want presents? Are you just depressed, buddy? Because, honestly, Christmas is commercialized and whatever it's become, still nice to see a family member open up a present they like. That little moment of magic is still nice. I mean, again, it's compounded when it's like a little kid, that's really fucking cute, but it's like, get your parents something. Doesn't have to be big. I mean, it's, I, we're literally describing the basic tenants of jo- holiday joy to him, but it's like, the phrase is the thought that counts

• 1:38:24Stavros Halkias?

  is true. Like, spend some time thinking about the people you love, you love, the people in your life that are important to you. Just coming up with something that's good for them, it'll, you'll be thinking about them, you won't be thinking about, you know, how everything, how all the gambling losses you've accrued that you're probably depressed about, or whatever. The wife, your wife leaving you, whatever's going on to make you suddenly anti-present. It just sounds like you're on Grinch mode right now, dude. And you need to be the Grinch at the end of the fucking movie, not the Grinch at the beginning of the movie. Uh, so buy a couple fucking presents, man. And then next year, have the discussion like Joe said, hey, can we do a Secret Santa? Can we do a, uh, you know, swap game, whatever?

• 1:39:07Stavros Halkias?

  Can we just do something so that we're not all buying a hundred presents? But all you've said is your parents and your brother. That's like,

• 1:39:14Speaker 04

  Three people?

• 1:39:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, three to five people. You can't handle three to five forty dollar gifts, I mean.

• 1:39:20Speaker 04

  I feel his pain a little. I mean, I get like so bogged down when I think of presents. It's like, you know, two weeks, one week before Christmas, you're like, oh, what do I get them? What do I get them? And it's okay to like, don't be so hard on yourself either. Like Sam said, like get something small and like, some, some, like some years you might just be really into it and might be on a roll with getting presents for people and other times like it's, you know, you're not getting really anything and it just isn't a big deal.

• 1:39:47Stavros Halkias?

  It's not a big deal, man. But it's way weirder to just have this, to come to Christmas with an un, unannounced anti-present philosophy, where it's like, literally get them a shitty present and they'll be like, oh, okay.

• 1:40:03Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:40:03Stavros Halkias?

  It's fine. As opposed to like, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm anti-present. I don't want your stinking presents. Here, you know what I'm getting you? Whatever you gave me, here, it's yours now. Mom, here's a trimmer for your balls. I don't want it.

• 1:40:20Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, and, and I think give your family and friends the gift of your own mental wellness. Like you gotta go, go to therapy.

• 1:40:32Speaker 04

  Again, there's no mention of monetary struggle. He literally is just like, I know this is dickish, but I'm not into presents right now.

• 1:40:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're acting out.

• 1:40:41Speaker 04

  You're sad.

• 1:40:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're sad and you're,

• 1:40:42Speaker 04

  You're upset.

• 1:40:43Stavros Halkias?

  This is like a toddler being like, I don't like Christmas.

• 1:40:47Speaker 03

  I don't wanna go gay. I don't wanna have cookies for quid. No, I don't wanna see grandma. Like, that's what you're doing right now, so it's like, whatever you're acting out about, whatever's causing you to turn dickish on Christmas, figure that out, brother. That's way more important than like, a candle to your mother. Like, you, you being mentally well is so much more important. Um, so, you know. Really fun one to go out on, Elvis, like. I said, can we get him? Just a sad sack. An empty sack. Well, I guess with that, we'll send you all off for Christmas. Another bang-up producing job by Elvis Sula. Spreading some holiday cheer. I love it. I think it was good.

• 1:41:35Speaker 03

  Today's Eddie Vedder's birthday. Sixty years old. How about that? That's awesome, man. Happy sixtieth to my dear friend. I didn't know he was born on December twenty-third. Yep, sure is. December twenty-third, nineteen sixty-four. We love you, Eddie. We love you, Eddie. Shout out. Supposed to be meeting him at some point. Oh, really? Yeah, Bargatze's friends with him, friendly with him, of course. Yeah. And did I even tell you that story? I flew all the way to Seattle, cause Nate was like, he's, it was like four days before Marty was born. My wife is like nine and a half months pregnant, and he's like, Eddie Vedder's coming, if you wanna come meet him. And so I was like, go do this. Do this for yourself. She's like in a wheelchair. And she's like, do it. And I was like, I flew all the way up there, and I was like, here we go, Eddie Vedder, baby. And then, uh,

• 1:42:17Speaker 03

  the, uh, the guy, he was, he just was sick, couldn't make it. But then every time I see the tour manager, he's like, he's got, we talked to Eddie's people, they're gonna make it up, they know what a tremendous fan you are, so. That's awesome. That someday, me and Eddie will say hello, and he'll be like, who's this? He'll be like, oh, not, hey, man. Yeah, and then we'll leave. Yeah. And I'll be like, we celebrated your sixtieth on Stop Show after some guy wrote his suicide note.

• 1:42:45Speaker 03

  He's like, I was like, maybe I'll just give away my belongings to my friends from, uh, I don't need them. You know, suddenly I've become more, much more chipper the last couple of days, after making a certain decision.

• 1:42:59Speaker 03

  Well, uh, Merry Christmas to you, happy holidays, uh, happy birthday to Eddie Vedder. And, uh, we'll see you guys next time. Bye-bye.

• 1:43:21Speaker 00

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• 1:43:50Stavros Halkias?

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• 1:44:34Stavros Halkias?

  code STAV. Terms apply.