Anna Kendrick asks about secret talents

Anna Kendrick delights Handsome with a question about hidden abilities-- although Tig does *not* want to follow the rules. Also, Fortune's love of Nacho (singular), Mae dancing, and more! Handsome is streaming LIVE from Austin April 12! Get your tickets here https://www.squadup.com/events/handsome-streaming-live-from-austin. Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Fortune Feimster?

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom.

• 0:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:03Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website.

• 1:21Fortune Feimster?

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• 1:53Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSEN to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 2:17Fortune Feimster?

  Cheers.

• 2:18Mae Martin?

  Cheers.

• 2:20Fortune Feimster?

  Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm Fortune

• 2:24Tig Notaro?

  Oh, boy. We have a new producer. We just hired this guy named Mr. Thomas.

• 2:31Fortune Feimster?

  Mr. Thomas. Wow.

• 2:32Tig Notaro?

  Sorry about that.

• 2:33Tig Notaro?

  Who are you again?

• 2:34Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, welcome to the Handsome Pod.

• 2:36Tig Notaro?

  Well, you already said that.

• 2:37Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wait. I'm Fortune Feimster.

• 2:39Tig Notaro?

  You're still Fortune Feimster.

• 2:40Fortune Feimster?

  I'm still Fortune Feimster.

• 2:42Tig Notaro?

  And I am Tig Notaro.

• 2:43Mae Martin?

  And I'm Mae Martin, and we still got it, guys.

• 2:46Fortune Feimster?

  We still got it. You guys, we're in person together at our HeadGum Studios. How great is this?

• 2:54Mae Martin?

  This is really great.

• 2:56Tig Notaro?

  It's the first time it's happened.

• 2:58Mae Martin?

  I've never been to... I've walked by this building a lot.

• 3:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh, well, that counts.

• 3:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that counts.

• 3:03Fortune Feimster?

  May has walked by this building.

• 3:05Mae Martin?

  I have walked by this building, so in a way, it's like I've recorded a bunch of podcasts here.

• 3:09Tig Notaro?

  Exactly.

• 3:10Fortune Feimster?

  It's very cool because we've all been filming out of the country since April.

• 3:15Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:16Fortune Feimster?

  At different times. We got together for our Hollybob show.

• 3:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 3:20Fortune Feimster?

  But this is it. It's been so long.

• 3:23Tig Notaro?

  It really has, and I just wrapped season one.

• 3:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 3:28Tig Notaro?

  Starfleet Academy. Wow.

• 3:30Mae Martin?

  Starfleet Academy.

• 3:32Tig Notaro?

  You gotta be so happy to be home.

• 3:33Fortune Feimster?

  I am so happy.

• 3:36Tig Notaro?

  I mean, and not to say I didn't enjoy my time. I absolutely loved the cast and the crew. I mean, I don't need to do like a rap speech or anything right now, but I had a wonderful time. But my gosh, am I happy to be home with my wife and my cubs and our kitty city. It's just like... And just to be able to like also get back in town and and come over here and be in person with everybody, it's a real dream come true.

• 4:11Fortune Feimster?

  Cause you kinda have to put your life on hold when you do these shows.

• 4:15Tig Notaro?

  I am trying to grab a lot of minutes. Like I'm still not touring. I'm gonna try and push this like two or three years.

• 4:24Fortune Feimster?

  Really? Really?

• 4:25Tig Notaro?

  Wow, okay.

• 4:26Fortune Feimster?

  You're just gonna chill? Do stand up?

• 4:29Tig Notaro?

  I mean, do stand up, work on material locally, whether I'm in LA or Toronto and then, you know, be in my space suit and podcast with my buds.

• 4:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I love that.

• 4:41Tig Notaro?

  My handsome, handsome buds. And Mr. Thomas, hopefully he'll understand how to work the knobs over there.

• 4:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. That's what you said. Is it going good?

• 4:49Speaker 04

  It's going pretty good. Yeah, I'm learning as we go. We're at HeadGum. We should talk about that, that we're at HeadGum Studios.

• 4:56Tig Notaro?

  We did. We did mention that.

• 4:59Speaker 04

  Oh my god, sorry.

• 5:01Fortune Feimster?

  Listen.

• 5:02Speaker 04

  I can't listen and do the cameras at the same time.

• 5:05Fortune Feimster?

  We do have a special guest today. Oh yeah, we do.

• 5:08Tig Notaro?

  We do. And our special guest is Crunk.

• 5:11Fortune Feimster?

  Is there any way to zoom in on his whole? I had sitting by me and right when we started the pod, he went all the way to the other side of the couch.

• 5:19Tig Notaro?

  He made a decision to have some time alone.

• 5:22Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, Tig, I have a bone to pick with you. Ever since you dubbed him Dead Eyes.

• 5:30Fortune Feimster?

  You called Biggie Dead Eyes.

• 5:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, cause he is.

• 5:32Fortune Feimster?

  And so now whenever I post a picture of him, half the people go, there's old Dead Eyes. There's old Dead Eyes. And then the other half goes, he doesn't have Dead Eyes. Tig's wrong.

• 5:42Tig Notaro?

  Well, I've increased engagement on your page.

• 5:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, you have. Yes, you have. No wonder he's distancing himself. He's tired. Yeah, yeah. He and I had a, Jax is out of town this weekend, so he and I have been running errands and

• 5:55Tig Notaro?

  Partying. Where's Jax? Is she vacationing?

• 5:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, she's vacationing in old Chicago. No, she had to go, a friend had a family member pass, so she went out there.

• 6:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:07Fortune Feimster?

  Sorry to hear that.

• 6:08Tig Notaro?

  That's all right. I was expecting a fun tropical vacation.

• 6:13Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it's like, I don't wanna bring it down, but.

• 6:17Tig Notaro?

  Nothing can bring us down.

• 6:18Fortune Feimster?

  Nothing. What if I was just like, yeah, she went, she's looking at time shares in Chicago.

• 6:26Fortune Feimster?

  What is a time share? Oh, you, you own like Um, like a couple-

• 6:31Tig Notaro?

  Wait, are we trying to kill the podcast?

• 6:33Mae Martin?

  Sorry, I'm sorry, you know what?

• 6:35Tig Notaro?

  Oh man! Well- I know, but you can also say-

• 6:38Fortune Feimster?

  Our whole pod gives a shit.

• 6:39Tig Notaro?

  He's snoring, sorry. Okay, explain to May, time shares.

• 6:45Mae Martin?

  Is it really dry, though?

• 6:46Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I'll-

• 6:47Mae Martin?

  Can I tell you what I think it is?

• 6:48Fortune Feimster?

  It's a quick answer, jeez. Guys.

• 6:50Mae Martin?

  I could tell you what I think it is.

• 6:51Tig Notaro?

  Why is it taking so long?

• 6:52Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you've interrupted me.

• 6:53Tig Notaro?

  Okay, well, tell me.

• 6:54Fortune Feimster?

  It's like you, you're basically buying like a couple of weeks out of the year. You don't own it outright, the, the, like a condo or something.

• 7:01Mae Martin?

  Huh.

• 7:01Fortune Feimster?

  So like, for like, four weeks out of the year, you can go have the, or a couple of months out of the year. Depends on the amount of time.

• 7:08Tig Notaro?

  And you told Jax, go get us one?

• 7:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:10Tig Notaro?

  Please. Great plan.

• 7:11Mae Martin?

  I have follow-up questions, but they're so boring.

• 7:14Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, let's hear them.

• 7:15Mae Martin?

  Well, it's things like if the place appreciates in value, do you get a return on your investment?

• 7:19Fortune Feimster?

  Honestly, I don't know.

• 7:19Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 7:20Mae Martin?

  Can you believe I'm using language like that?

• 7:22Fortune Feimster?

  I know, well, you're a homeowner now.

• 7:23Mae Martin?

  I feel like I'm growing up.

• 7:25Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:26Tig Notaro?

  When did that start?

• 7:27Mae Martin?

  I almost started crying.

• 7:28Fortune Feimster?

  May did-

• 7:29Mae Martin?

  You did? I don't want to be like, just thinking about, I want to be thinking about whimsical delights, you know? I don't want to be thinking about-

• 7:36Tig Notaro?

  Like the Pete Pan that you are.

• 7:37Mae Martin?

  Pete Pan.

• 7:38Fortune Feimster?

  Pete Pan.

• 7:39Tig Notaro?

  Do you think Pete Pan, Peter Pan ever went by Pete Pan?

• 7:42Fortune Feimster?

  I think so.

• 7:43Mae Martin?

  Petey?

• 7:44Tig Notaro?

  I never thought about-

• 7:45Fortune Feimster?

  Petey Pan?

• 7:45Tig Notaro?

  Pete Pan. Hello, my name is Pete Pan.

• 7:48Fortune Feimster?

  Cause Peter's a grown-up name.

• 7:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but if you're, if you're like working in construction or something-

• 7:53Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you.

• 7:53Mae Martin?

  You're gonna go call me Pete.

• 7:54Fortune Feimster?

  Hey, uh, Pete Pan.

• 7:56Tig Notaro?

  Do you think Peter Pan worked construction?

• 7:58Mae Martin?

  I think-

• 7:59Tig Notaro?

  I don't think so.

• 8:00Mae Martin?

  When he came back from Neverland and he had to grow up and he had to join the-

• 8:04Fortune Feimster?

  He could fly.

• 8:04Mae Martin?

  And he slowly forgot everything and he couldn't fly anymore, fortune. And then he probably had to think, well, I built that treehouse for the Lost Boys.

• 8:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:12Mae Martin?

  So I guess I'll put those skills. What else is he gonna do?

• 8:14Tig Notaro?

  Call me Pete.

• 8:15Fortune Feimster?

  I'm trying to remember what Peter Pan, how it unfolded.

• 8:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, well, uh, sword fights.

• 8:22Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:22Mae Martin?

  Captain Hook, um-

• 8:24Tig Notaro?

  Is this your pitch in Hollywood?

• 8:26Fortune Feimster?

  I do think you can own a home and still be Pete Pan.

• 8:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, my home is filled with whimsical items.

• 8:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:33Tig Notaro?

  Like what?

• 8:33Mae Martin?

  Crystals, um, I, I just bought, um, you know Marcel de Shell?

• 8:39Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 8:40Mae Martin?

  I just bought-

• 8:40Tig Notaro?

  With shoes on?

• 8:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, obsessed.

• 8:42Fortune Feimster?

  I haven't seen it.

• 8:43Mae Martin?

  And I saw Jenny Slate the other night at a show and I couldn't-

• 8:46Tig Notaro?

  We need to get Jenny on here.

• 8:47Mae Martin?

  We gotta get her on. And I didn't want to tell her that I have a Marcel de Shell that's like, it comes in a little box and it's like, got instructions on how to care for him and it's so good. And I keep him in a plant. And I've got these plants.

• 8:58Tig Notaro?

  And why'd you withhold that from her? Didn't want her to feel any joy?

• 9:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I thought, you've got enough going on.

• 9:05Fortune Feimster?

  I don't wanna, I don't wanna lift her up tonight.

• 9:07Tig Notaro?

  Jenny Slate down a notch.

• 9:10Mae Martin?

  Well, I also, at the moment, have both of her books by my bedside table. So I was like, because we live in the same neighborhood.

• 9:18Fortune Feimster?

  You stan Jenny Slate, yeah.

• 9:20Mae Martin?

  Well, I just started reading the new one.

• 9:21Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 9:21Mae Martin?

  It's great. Anyway, whatever.

• 9:22Fortune Feimster?

  Didn't you just have your bathroom redone and, and weren't you in a situation that you were gonna tell us about?

• 9:30Mae Martin?

  Did I tell that on the?

• 9:31Fortune Feimster?

  No, we did, we, we saved it.

• 9:33Mae Martin?

  Okay. Cause I also saw a comment that was like, love the part.

• 9:36Fortune Feimster?

  On a bonus episode.

• 9:38Mae Martin?

  On a bonus episode.

• 9:39Tig Notaro?

  I was like, I know my memory's not great.

• 9:41Fortune Feimster?

  But May was gonna tell us about their experience moving into your new home.

• 9:46Mae Martin?

  I've only been there a couple of weeks, but when I moved in, the bathroom was like demolished.

• 9:52Tig Notaro?

  Like somebody went in there and like?

• 9:54Mae Martin?

  Just trashed it. They're renovating it.

• 9:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was covered in shit. Came with the house, but no, there, so there was no toilet. And so the toilet was in the like garage back house. So I was like.

• 10:09Tig Notaro?

  The house in this condition?

• 10:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, well, no, I'm having it renovated.

• 10:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 10:12Mae Martin?

  But it wasn't done. So I was like, okay, I'll just pee in the back house in the night. Uh, but I was too scared in the middle of the night. And so I, I woke up, I had to pee. I was awake enough to go all the way to the kitchen and then I peed in a kettle. And that I peed in that I brought into my.

• 10:29Tig Notaro?

  Were you asleep?

• 10:30Fortune Feimster?

  Wow, that's great.

• 10:31Mae Martin?

  I was awake.

• 10:32Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know if I could have made it into the kettle.

• 10:34Mae Martin?

  I was too scared to go outside in the cold. And I got a kettle and then I peed in it in my room, went to bed. Then I woke up and I'm faced with what I've done. Like I'm horrified. I'm an animal.

• 10:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 10:47Mae Martin?

  And it was just like, curb your enthusiasm. Like I'd bring it into the kitchen to dispose of this kettle. And then the contractors are arriving and are like, hey, can we have a coffee? And I'm like holding a kettle of piss that they don't know about. And I had to throw it away. Oh, it's been crazy. It's been.

• 11:03Tig Notaro?

  Maybe you aren't ready to own a home.

• 11:06Mae Martin?

  I'm like peeing in a potty.

• 11:09Fortune Feimster?

  But you had no recollection that you did it?

• 11:11Mae Martin?

  No, I remember.

• 11:12Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 11:12Mae Martin?

  But I just.

• 11:13Fortune Feimster?

  You just had to.

• 11:13Mae Martin?

  You know that like nighttime logic where you're like, I'm too tired to go outside. So I'll just go get this kettle.

• 11:19Tig Notaro?

  Can you believe people, I mean, people still do have outhouses, but that was the situation.

• 11:25Mae Martin?

  That's insane.

• 11:26Tig Notaro?

  And like cold, cold winter, like in my warm home. Like totally comfortable to get up and go to the bathroom in the night. I, it is a full on.

• 11:41Mae Martin?

  Mission.

• 11:42Tig Notaro?

  Conversation with myself, like I can hold it. I probably go back to sleep. I don't need to get up right now. And then I'm lying there going, no, this is going to keep me awake.

• 11:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:53Tig Notaro?

  And, uh, and it's, and it's just right there. The bathroom is just right there. Imagine me with a candle.

• 12:00Fortune Feimster?

  In the outhouse?

• 12:01Mae Martin?

  With your little bonnet on.

• 12:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, bonnet. Well, you know, I love a bonnet.

• 12:04Fortune Feimster?

  Of course you have a bonnet on.

• 12:05Tig Notaro?

  Of course.

• 12:06Mae Martin?

  God, yeah.

• 12:07Tig Notaro?

  I mean, what people have gone through.

• 12:09Mae Martin?

  But why can't we?

• 12:10Tig Notaro?

  And now you're urinating into a kettle for no reason.

• 12:13Mae Martin?

  No good reason. Why can't we bring back, um?

• 12:16Tig Notaro?

  Did you heat it up?

• 12:17Mae Martin?

  Bedpan, so.

• 12:18Fortune Feimster?

  The piss?

• 12:19Mae Martin?

  No, I didn't heat up the piss. Anybody want a spot of tea? A pee? A spot of pee? I'm still getting to know like the ins and outs of the house and I, so two nights in a row, I've been, and I hope my, I don't know if my new neighbors would listen to this pod. I'm going to say, let's hope they don't, they seem super nice. I met the woman.

• 12:39Fortune Feimster?

  They do, two more listeners.

• 12:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's true. Yeah, we're not. So two nights in a row, like one in the morning, I've been out back. Like having a cigarette or pottering around. I have a, a concrete cat that I found back there, a hundred years old that has an altar. I've made an altar. So I've been going to tend to the altar. Anyway, so two nights in a row, I've seen this light in their garden, like a cell phone, like going like wee, like that. Arcing up high. And I was like, what is going on? And then I looked and I see the trees shaking and it's someone on a swing at one in the morning, swinging.

• 13:12Tig Notaro?

  You have a whimsical neighbor.

• 13:13Mae Martin?

  I have a whimsical neighbor.

• 13:14Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 13:15Mae Martin?

  And they're, I know there's no kids that live there. It's two adults.

• 13:18Tig Notaro?

  A lady?

• 13:18Mae Martin?

  I can't see.

• 13:19Fortune Feimster?

  It's a witch.

• 13:20Mae Martin?

  So I was trying to, and then I thought, are they, are they filming?

• 13:23Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 13:24Mae Martin?

  Like, and then I got shy. So I was telling actually Lisa Gilroy this. I'm a friend of the pod.

• 13:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, sure.

• 13:31Mae Martin?

  Not yet.

• 13:32Tig Notaro?

  I mean, we're friends with her, but she's never been on it and I don't want to have her.

• 13:37Mae Martin?

  So I was showing her the cat altar and then I go, oh my God, yeah. So my neighbors, they have a swing and I've seen them like they're swinging at night and like I, I wonder if they'll swing tonight. I hope you see they're, they're like, and then I realized if they heard me, they'd think I was being like, my neighbors are swingers.

• 13:51Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 13:51Mae Martin?

  I hope they swing tonight. And they're saying that about you. Yeah, probably. I think there's a swinger over there.

• 13:56Fortune Feimster?

  All these people just living on the edge of a cliff.

• 13:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:59Fortune Feimster?

  Being all whimsical.

• 14:00Mae Martin?

  And are you liking your house aside from the fact there's no toilet and you, you have, um. There's so much going on. Mm hmm. You have this possum, did I tell you about?

• 14:11Fortune Feimster?

  I think you did.

• 14:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, there's a possum.

• 14:13Fortune Feimster?

  Don't let Tig not hear this.

• 14:16Mae Martin?

  Well.

• 14:18Mae Martin?

  I don't want to ever bad happen. No, no, I, I, I, okay.

• 14:22Fortune Feimster?

  It's just a maze connection to animal, random animal.

• 14:27Mae Martin?

  Well, okay, when I moved in.

• 14:29Fortune Feimster?

  No judgment.

• 14:30Mae Martin?

  I'm outside and all of a sudden I go, oh my God, there's this huge like chunky possum that looks like a cartoon possum, like cute. Not like a ratty little guy. It's like a, and it stops and looks at me and I immediately got out my phone. I start filming it and then it runs away and then I was so filled with shame. I was like, why couldn't I just have a moment with this possum? Why'd I have to pull my phone out? And then I remembered like the previous owners told me there's a possum that lives around the house.

• 14:58Fortune Feimster?

  They said there's a chunky possum.

• 15:00Mae Martin?

  I think they said his name is Eric, but I don't know if I invented that. And so I can't text him and go, hey, is that possum's name Eric?

• 15:08Fortune Feimster?

  I think you just decide.

• 15:09Mae Martin?

  I also, yeah, if you have the wrong name, I think it's fine.

• 15:12Fortune Feimster?

  I think it's okay.

• 15:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, okay, yeah.

• 15:14Fortune Feimster?

  Let's just say it's Eric.

• 15:15Mae Martin?

  But I felt bad for not being like, hi, I'm May, you know.

• 15:19Fortune Feimster?

  You felt bad not telling the possum, hi, I'm May?

• 15:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:22Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 15:22Mae Martin?

  And be, and not being like. Well, maybe he's listening. Maybe he's like, I'm Eric.

• 15:30Fortune Feimster?

  And I don't appreciate you calling me a chunky possum.

• 15:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:34Tig Notaro?

  I heard you on the podcast calling me a chunky possum.

• 15:37Mae Martin?

  Oh my god, if he listens.

• 15:38Tig Notaro?

  My name is not Eric.

• 15:41Mae Martin?

  Do you have any wildlife living around your houses?

• 15:43Tig Notaro?

  Like, oh, good question.

• 15:45Mae Martin?

  Coyotes?

• 15:46Tig Notaro?

  We have.

• 15:46Fortune Feimster?

  I don't like those.

• 15:49Tig Notaro?

  I see signs around my neighborhood every now and then saying coyote sightings and whatever. But we have, just recently, gotten two cats in the neighborhood that come and hang out in our backyard.

• 16:05Mae Martin?

  No.

• 16:06Tig Notaro?

  And drive poor little Linus nuts. He's like, ah, ah.

• 16:11Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 16:13Tig Notaro?

  You know, he's never seen any other cats except Skip and Fluff. And then he's seen us. And then these two cats have shown up. And we had a weird issue where Skip started growling at Linus. And Stephanie did some detective work.

• 16:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:35Tig Notaro?

  And I guess there's like, sometimes a transference of, like, because Skip saw the other cat out there, that there can be like, some confusion around Linus. Because Linus was like, by the window and like, you know, ah, ah, about the other cat.

• 16:56Mae Martin?

  And he's all pent up, he's got nowhere to put it as well.

• 16:58Tig Notaro?

  And so, and they're siblings. And when Linus, and they always sleep together, and they're so affectionate. When Linus went over to be with Skip, Skip was like, hhh.

• 17:08Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 17:09Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. And we were so scared, it ruined the dynamic of Kitty City. Because all three of our cats travel in a pack. And we were, but now. It only lasted two days.

• 17:21Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 17:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 17:22Mae Martin?

  And the cats come back?

• 17:24Tig Notaro?

  The cats still come back. Fluff doesn't care at all about what's going on out there. Skip kind of doesn't either, but Linus sits looking

• 17:34Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 17:35Tig Notaro?

  for these two cats. So we don't have wild animals, other than But you have someone trying to ruin your cats' relationship. Trying to get a part of Kitty City, I think, is what's happening.

• 17:46Mae Martin?

  Is it possible that Skip noticed that Linus was checking them out? And then was jealous?

• 17:51Tig Notaro?

  Wow, maybe.

• 17:52Mae Martin?

  Punishing Linus? Like, I saw how you looked at it.

• 17:54Tig Notaro?

  We'll never know. I mean, god, the jealousy that's happening.

• 17:58Mae Martin?

  Do you think we should get a pet psychic?

• 18:00Tig Notaro?

  A handsome pet?

• 18:01Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 18:02Tig Notaro?

  One that we own together?

• 18:03Mae Martin?

  Who takes care of this pet?

• 18:05Tig Notaro?

  Thomas! I would love a pet psychic, though.

• 18:07Mae Martin?

  A pet psychic to see what Biggie's

• 18:08Tig Notaro?

  I would love to know what he's thinking. Let's get animals, like whatever animals we see out in the world that we think are cute. We'll adopt them. We'll keep them at HeadGum.

• 18:18Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay.

• 18:19Tig Notaro?

  And they will deal with our parrots and our gerbils.

• 18:24Mae Martin?

  Awesome.

• 18:25Tig Notaro?

  Awesome. Like, can you guys come help with these? No, we are busy.

• 18:34Fortune Feimster?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house? My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar.

• 18:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 19:02Tig Notaro?

  The handsome Holly Bob season is fast approaching, and I'm realizing that we haven't hosted Friends and Family for a few months. Looking around my home, it's in need of a bit of a festive refresh. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress.

• 19:25Fortune Feimster?

  Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products. Great value and trusted reviews. Products are hand vetted by a product specialist using a 10-point quality inspection. They've got options for every style and budget. I'm more into the classic holiday look with multicolor bulbs, tinsel, you name it. Wayfair has all of that. I use Wayfair to decorate my fireplace this season and it looks so cozy and festive. I love everything. I've gotten on Wayfair and I know you will too.

• 19:53Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 20:09Fortune Feimster?

  There's nothing quite like having pieces in your closet you love and know that you can count on for any occasion, except maybe giving someone else that same feeling. This holiday season, Quince is where I'm finding those pieces. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and premium stretch denim.

• 20:29Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only 50 bucks compared to that $235. Compare that to $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 20:54Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was handsome. It's the best way to support the show.

• 21:14Mae Martin?

  I've been thinking about fostering a dog, but I'm too, my heart, my heart is already, like, I don't know, it's like too much.

• 21:25Tig Notaro?

  Why foster it? Why not keep it?

• 21:27Mae Martin?

  Do you think? I mean, I travel so much, but I guess I could get joint custody with someone.

• 21:32Tig Notaro?

  Do you travel so much? I would say Fortune travels so much.

• 21:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true, actually. Well, yeah, like, I'm about to be away for, yeah, I have like seven trips on the horizon.

• 21:44Fortune Feimster?

  Seven trips on the horizon.

• 21:47Tig Notaro?

  God, I haven't heard that song in so long.

• 21:49Mae Martin?

  It's a classic.

• 21:50Tig Notaro?

  It's so good.

• 21:56Fortune Feimster?

  On the Ritz?

• 21:57Mae Martin?

  Horizon, eyes in, sizing.

• 22:01Fortune Feimster?

  Sizing.

• 22:01Mae Martin?

  And I'm thinking about upsizing.

• 22:05Fortune Feimster?

  Love that song too.

• 22:06Tig Notaro?

  I've never heard that one. That one is brand new to me.

• 22:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, right.

• 22:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 22:10Fortune Feimster?

  You could ask a friend if they wanna share a pet.

• 22:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:14Fortune Feimster?

  So that when you go out of town, they're watching it.

• 22:18Tig Notaro?

  I don't know, do friends share a pet?

• 22:19Mae Martin?

  With me? You know of friends that share pets?

• 22:22Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know one personally, but I feel like...

• 22:23Mae Martin?

  Did you just invent that?

• 22:25Fortune Feimster?

  Well, maybe kinda said it.

• 22:28Mae Martin?

  But I feel like that's where we're headed in this modern world. It's next, it's gonna be...

• 22:32Tig Notaro?

  Pet sharing.

• 22:33Mae Martin?

  In this modern world.

• 22:36Fortune Feimster?

  You heard that song?

• 22:37Tig Notaro?

  Uh, it was in the eighties. Yeah.

• 22:42Mae Martin?

  So was your reunion good when you got back? With the, like, when you came home, was there, did they...

• 22:48Fortune Feimster?

  There a parade?

• 22:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, did they come running to greet you?

• 22:50Tig Notaro?

  Yes, uh, well, I was, um, I, my flight was canceled.

• 22:55Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, worse. I hate that.

• 22:57Tig Notaro?

  It's like, there was a massive snowstorm.

• 22:59Mae Martin?

  In Toronto?

• 23:00Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:00Mae Martin?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 23:02Tig Notaro?

  And, uh...

• 23:02Mae Martin?

  Hope everyone's okay back home.

• 23:04Fortune Feimster?

  You guys are warm.

• 23:06Tig Notaro?

  But, yeah, I was, I was all ready to go. And then it got canceled. And then, um, and then I flew out the next morning. And then Max and Finn came home from school and I was, I was there and, you know, I got some "Mare!" like, running and all. They're like, "How long are you gonna be home?" And I was like, "Six months." And they're like, "Yes!"

• 23:29Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 23:30Tig Notaro?

  And then I just thought, "That's really not that long." You know?

• 23:34Fortune Feimster?

  It's a lifetime for them.

• 23:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Well, do you remember, though, when you were a kid and, like, the summer feels like...

• 23:39Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 23:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:40Tig Notaro?

  Or for Christmas to come around again?

• 23:42Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god, yeah, yeah.

• 23:42Tig Notaro?

  It seems impossible.

• 23:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:45Tig Notaro?

  But, um...

• 23:46Mae Martin?

  Do you like being picked up at the airport by loved ones?

• 23:48Tig Notaro?

  Uh-huh.

• 23:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I do.

• 23:51Mae Martin?

  What if you were like, "No, I hate it."

• 23:52Fortune Feimster?

  It's the worst.

• 23:54Tig Notaro?

  Um, no, I, I, I love it. And I enjoy picking people up too. Like, I'm not somebody where I'm like, oh, there's too much traffic or, like, I don't care about that. I'll, I'll come get you. Not everyone.

• 24:08Mae Martin?

  Yes, I'll be hitting you up.

• 24:12Tig Notaro?

  Biggie, yeah.

• 24:13Mae Martin?

  Biggie needs a ride.

• 24:15Tig Notaro?

  Will you check his heartbeat?

• 24:18Fortune Feimster?

  Mommy, you okay?

• 24:20Tig Notaro?

  But yeah.

• 24:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, he's good.

• 24:22Tig Notaro?

  It was a, um, it was a great homecoming.

• 24:25Mae Martin?

  That's nice.

• 24:25Tig Notaro?

  But it's also weird, cause I call my apartment in Toronto, my little hovel.

• 24:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:31Tig Notaro?

  And it's a perfectly nice apartment.

• 24:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:35Tig Notaro?

  Very comfortable, clean, all of that. But it's not where I want to be. I obviously want to be home with my family. But then when I left, I also felt a little like, oh.

• 24:48Mae Martin?

  Is my little hovel?

• 24:49Tig Notaro?

  Hovel. Yeah. It's so, it's like being, like, starting to like your prison cell. Yeah. Where you're like, wow, this is so weird.

• 24:58Mae Martin?

  There's this poem that goes, and it makes me think of you, and it goes, at last, it's about a guy who's in jail, and he goes, "At last, men came to set me free. I asked not why, nor recked not where. At length, it was the same to me. Fettered or fetterless to be, I'd grown accustomed to despair." So he's like, they took the chains off.

• 25:18Tig Notaro?

  Reminds me of you.

• 25:19Mae Martin?

  They took the chains off.

• 25:20Tig Notaro?

  Who do you think of? Who do you think of? That's right. The last part is despair.

• 25:25Mae Martin?

  No, but like, they took the chains off, and he just was like, I, I sort of forgot why I wanted to leave now.

• 25:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, look at that. Deep.

• 25:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:33Fortune Feimster?

  Is that a May fact?

• 25:35Tig Notaro?

  No, I feel like it's a whimsical.

• 25:38Fortune Feimster?

  A poem.

• 25:39Tig Notaro?

  It's a, it's a whimsical poem.

• 25:41Fortune Feimster?

  Do you just have a lot of poems?

• 25:44Tig Notaro?

  Poems?

• 25:45Fortune Feimster?

  In your head?

• 25:47Mae Martin?

  Maybe a couple dozen, that, cause my grandma was really big into it. She'd had one.

• 25:51Tig Notaro?

  That's great. Man, we love that.

• 25:54Fortune Feimster?

  It's great. Hey, that's awesome.

• 25:57Tig Notaro?

  Let's hear some.

• 25:58Fortune Feimster?

  My poem is, "I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree." And that's it. I mean, there's more to the poem, but.

• 26:05Mae Martin?

  No, that's all you need.

• 26:06Fortune Feimster?

  What's that, Joyce Kilmer? Anyway, everyone.

• 26:09Mae Martin?

  That's beautiful.

• 26:10Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you. I mean, there's more to the poem. I just don't know it.

• 26:14Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you don't?

• 26:15Fortune Feimster?

  I don't. I'm not like May.

• 26:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 26:17Mae Martin?

  There's no poem as lovely as a tree. Do you think that's true? I think there's poems lovelier than trees. Is that controversial?

• 26:24Tig Notaro?

  Well, it depends on what kind of tree.

• 26:25Fortune Feimster?

  And how much you love trees.

• 26:26Mae Martin?

  We're talking about like a runt stump.

• 26:28Fortune Feimster?

  How much you love poems?

• 26:28Tig Notaro?

  A runt stump? What? Do you really think we were talking about a runt stump?

• 26:35Tig Notaro?

  When we were talking about lovely trees?

• 26:37Mae Martin?

  There's degrees. There's like poems that are for sure more beautiful than a rump stump.

• 26:41Fortune Feimster?

  I wish I knew, I wish I knew more to the poem. I know it's, it gets good.

• 26:44Tig Notaro?

  Why don't you make up more?

• 26:46Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 26:47Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 26:47Fortune Feimster?

  I don't want to ruin her poem. Or wait, is that, is that a man? Is Joyce a man or a woman? I think it's a man.

• 26:53Mae Martin?

  Oh, like Joyce Carol Oates? Is that a man too?

• 26:55Tig Notaro?

  Do you think if Joyce?

• 26:57Fortune Feimster?

  Now I gotta Google.

• 26:57Tig Notaro?

  If Joyce?

• 26:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's a man.

• 27:01Tig Notaro?

  If Joyce was reincarnated, would it be Re-Joice?

• 27:06Mae Martin?

  Hey! I didn't see that coming.

• 27:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 27:13Tig Notaro?

  And with that, should we go to our, uh, guest?

• 27:16Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 27:16Fortune Feimster?

  I was about to read you more poems.

• 27:18Tig Notaro?

  Oh, well, our guest can wait.

• 27:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:23Fortune Feimster?

  Poem.

• 27:24Tig Notaro?

  Poem.

• 27:24Fortune Feimster?

  A poem, a tree whose hungry mouth is pressed against the earth's sweet flowing breast.

• 27:31Tig Notaro?

  Ew, this is so inappropriate.

• 27:34Mae Martin?

  So horny all of a sudden.

• 27:35Tig Notaro?

  It's like triple X.

• 27:37Mae Martin?

  Also.

• 27:38Fortune Feimster?

  A tree that looks at God all day, it does get religious.

• 27:41Mae Martin?

  A tree that looks at.

• 27:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God, Fortune, Fortune.

• 27:44Fortune Feimster?

  And lifts her leafy arms to pray. A tree that may in summer wear a nest of robins in her hair.

• 27:50Mae Martin?

  That's nice.

• 27:51Fortune Feimster?

  A pond whose bosom, now we get horny again. Snow has lain, who instantly lives with rain.

• 27:58Tig Notaro?

  Wait, you say a line and then we'll try and guess how it ends.

• 28:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:01Fortune Feimster?

  Well, this is the last line we're at the end. Poems are made by fools like me.

• 28:07Tig Notaro?

  Wait, in the poem, they're talking about poems?

• 28:10Fortune Feimster?

  Poems are made by fools like me, but only God, oh, sorry.

• 28:13Mae Martin?

  I knew it was gonna be only God.

• 28:14Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 28:15Mae Martin?

  Has, could make a tree.

• 28:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 28:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:18Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 28:18Tig Notaro?

  I never would've guessed.

• 28:21Tig Notaro?

  Where's this headed?

• 28:22Fortune Feimster?

  That's the only poem.

• 28:23Mae Martin?

  I can't believe it was like, and you don't even know it.

• 28:27Tig Notaro?

  No wonder you blacked out on the rest.

• 28:29Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't remember the bosom.

• 28:31Mae Martin?

  What I didn't like was like the, the tree's hungry sexy mouth. Like what mouth is on a tree?

• 28:37Tig Notaro?

  Would you have an orgy with a tree?

• 28:41Mae Martin?

  No, guys. Well, I say that. There's, I wouldn't, but.

• 28:48Fortune Feimster?

  Under a tree you would.

• 28:49Mae Martin?

  I remember when I was in middle school, they told someone, some kid was like, have you heard of dendrophilia? That like you want to bang plants. And it just stuck in my mind so much. It freaked me right out. But no, I wouldn't have an orgy with a tree. Would you?

• 29:05Fortune Feimster?

  Cause only God can make a tree.

• 29:07Tig Notaro?

  Not even interested in human orgies. I'll be honest.

• 29:11Mae Martin?

  I thought you said that you'd be okay with watching in the corner.

• 29:14Tig Notaro?

  I would be okay watching in a corner.

• 29:16Fortune Feimster?

  There's too many holes. You did say that. You and I would watch.

• 29:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah. This podcast.

• 29:21Tig Notaro?

  Me and Fortune in a corner together watching you have an orgy?

• 29:25Fortune Feimster?

  You did say it, but in the reality, I don't think you'd want to be there.

• 29:29Tig Notaro?

  I don't think, I don't think any of us. Well, if I was allowed.

• 29:34Fortune Feimster?

  May wants me watching either.

• 29:35Tig Notaro?

  If I, you're holding Biggie. I'm kissing you on the cheek. Yeah. If we could talk or be like, oh my gosh, what are they do, what is that move?

• 29:48Fortune Feimster?

  That would be fun.

• 29:50Tig Notaro?

  Orgy commentary.

• 29:51Fortune Feimster?

  Orgy commentary.

• 29:52Tig Notaro?

  Guys, guys, we have got to make that.

• 29:57Fortune Feimster?

  Like a Best in Show.

• 29:58Mae Martin?

  Done that with porn where they do a commentary over top?

• 30:02Tig Notaro?

  That's what I'm just sitting here thinking. It's like.

• 30:06Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, is this our next venture?

• 30:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Like I'm looking at these cameras going, guys, we need to film an orgy and do commentary.

• 30:14Mae Martin?

  This is not, don't look at me. I'm not going to be involved in the orgy. I'll be a commentator with you.

• 30:19Tig Notaro?

  Okay. May will be able to tell us what's happening. May will be able to be like.

• 30:23Mae Martin?

  As you can see over there, it looks like.

• 30:24Fortune Feimster?

  They're gonna be bringing in some lube now. I will bring snacks.

• 30:29Tig Notaro?

  You're just like eating.

• 30:31Fortune Feimster?

  You just hear Fritos. Crunch, crunch.

• 30:34Tig Notaro?

  I love Fritos.

• 30:35Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, so good.

• 30:36Mae Martin?

  All it took was that one little poem about a tree to get us all riled up. All of a sudden we're back.

• 30:40Tig Notaro?

  We're all horny now. Now we're all the way back to Fritos.

• 30:44Fortune Feimster?

  Well, before it gets hornier, we should probably get to our question.

• 30:48Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 30:50Mae Martin?

  I am so pumped about this person.

• 30:52Fortune Feimster?

  Today's question asker is an Oscar, Tony, and Emmy nominated actress and producer, known and loved for her roles in tons of films, but including Into the Woods, Woman of the Hour.

• 31:06Mae Martin?

  Pitch Perfect.

• 31:07Fortune Feimster?

  Pitch Perfect.

• 31:08Mae Martin?

  Up in the Air?

• 31:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, Up in the Air. Anna Kendrick is today's question asker.

• 31:15Speaker 05

  Hi, handsome pod. Hi, Fortune. Hi, May. Hi, Tig. It's your pal Anna Kendrick. I have a question for you. If you could be the best in the world at something, but nobody could know about it, what would it be?

• 31:25Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa.

• 31:25Speaker 05

  And no cheating. No, like, oh, I'd be the best at fast math, but I just wouldn't tell anybody. You can't like do it in front of other people. You can't benefit from it. It's just something that's for you.

• 31:33Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm.

• 31:34Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what'd she say? It can't be what?

• 31:36Mae Martin?

  You can't do it in front of other people.

• 31:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but I thought she said it can't be fast mouth. Fast math.

• 31:40Fortune Feimster?

  Fast math.

• 31:41Mae Martin?

  That's a real thing.

• 31:42Fortune Feimster?

  Like catching, counting cards and stuff, like you can't win at poker.

• 31:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:47Tig Notaro?

  I was gonna say, I feel like she's winning at fast mouth.

• 31:51Fortune Feimster?

  She, Anna does talk fast.

• 31:53Tig Notaro?

  She's a fast talker.

• 31:54Mae Martin?

  I met her for the first time the other night and it.

• 31:57Tig Notaro?

  Where?

• 31:57Mae Martin?

  Uh, it was at a fundraising show that Natalie Morales did and.

• 32:02Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and Natalie was interviewing Anna on stage in a very like between two ferns kind of way.

• 32:07Tig Notaro?

  Oh, nice.

• 32:07Mae Martin?

  And Anna was so funny and, um, you know, you just get a good vibe from certain people and I knew, I was like, I want to be friends with her because she really understood the significance of the bear story. She was like, what? And then she kept coming back to him, being like, I can't stop thinking about the bear story. I was like, thank you.

• 32:23Tig Notaro?

  You told her the bear story?

• 32:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I told her the full bear story.

• 32:26Tig Notaro?

  Oh, may.

• 32:27Mae Martin?

  I spared no detail.

• 32:30Mae Martin?

  Really monopolized her time.

• 32:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, she's, I, I went on a trip that, that we both went on in December and got to know her and she's really cool. Uh, she directed her first film this past year.

• 32:42Mae Martin?

  Woman of the Hour?

• 32:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 32:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:44Fortune Feimster?

  And, uh, and hearing her talk about it and how, you know, much work she put into it and the details of it was really cool. Um, and, uh, I hope she directs more because she has that brain.

• 32:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:56Fortune Feimster?

  That like sees everything.

• 32:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:58Fortune Feimster?

  She was, she had, she had talked about one of my specials and saw things. I was like, that's so cool. Like I would, you know, that she just notices these things.

• 33:06Mae Martin?

  Same deal with Feel Good. She had like really niche references to it. I was so like honored. I love her work, but she had, like, she has like a director's eye.

• 33:14Fortune Feimster?

  And we did have a fun moment in an Italian restaurant together. Where it was almost closing time and someone at the restaurant like cranked up the Natasha Beddingfield unwritten song.

• 33:43Fortune Feimster?

  You know what I'm talking about.

• 33:44Tig Notaro?

  And this was a good memory?

• 33:46Fortune Feimster?

  Great memory. And for some reason, when it plays, I know all the words.

• 33:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 33:50Fortune Feimster?

  In this moment, I don't know. I only know one word. But our entire table started like scream singing the song.

• 33:57Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 33:58Fortune Feimster?

  Cause a couple of the Pitch Perfect gals were there too.

• 34:01Tig Notaro?

  And does she have a good voice?

• 34:02Fortune Feimster?

  They all do. They're incredible. Yeah, cause she sings in Pitch Perfect. All three of those movies and we stood up and we're dancing and everyone was singing. It was like one of those like such fun memories of like, we're all on the same page. We're all having a blast. The restaurant cranked it up even more. It was like really, really fun.

• 34:23Tig Notaro?

  Boy, I would have ruined that moment.

• 34:27Tig Notaro?

  I feel like, what is this song?

• 34:34Mae Martin?

  Were you the only people in the restaurant?

• 34:36Fortune Feimster?

  There was like an other part where more people were, but the main part, like everyone was kinda gone. There was one couple that was just kinda staring at us like, it's the entire Pitch Perfect cast.

• 34:46Tig Notaro?

  And Fortune.

• 34:47Fortune Feimster?

  And me.

• 34:49Tig Notaro?

  Now, walk us through how you end up on vacation with her and you don't know her and it's just you, Jax and her?

• 34:57Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, it was, uh.

• 34:59Tig Notaro?

  The three of you?

• 35:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's just the three of us. Anna went on a trip with Jax and I.

• 35:04Tig Notaro?

  At your timeshare?

• 35:05Fortune Feimster?

  We have a mutual friend and there was this event in Aspen and he invited, uh.

• 35:10Tig Notaro?

  What was the event?

• 35:11Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, what is it called? Winter polo.

• 35:14Tig Notaro?

  Whoa.

• 35:15Fortune Feimster?

  Snow polo. That's it. Snow polo. Yeah.

• 35:17Tig Notaro?

  I didn't know you were that rich.

• 35:18Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not. I did not.

• 35:20Tig Notaro?

  Aspen winter polo?

• 35:21Fortune Feimster?

  I was invited to it.

• 35:23Mae Martin?

  Fortune has like a secret life of going to Aspen for the winter polo.

• 35:27Tig Notaro?

  For winter polo.

• 35:28Fortune Feimster?

  Our friend plays polo and invited us. So you both?

• 35:33Tig Notaro?

  Is this an actor comedian that you're both friends with?

• 35:35Mae Martin?

  An actor. He's an actor.

• 35:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 35:37Mae Martin?

  Sterling, shout out.

• 35:39Tig Notaro?

  What is up Sterling?

• 35:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and he just invites his friends to like, come.

• 35:43Tig Notaro?

  Hey, come watch me do my thing.

• 35:45Mae Martin?

  So is Anna and like Rebel Wilson and Chrissy and Kelly, all these awesome people from the movie.

• 35:53Tig Notaro?

  That's fun.

• 35:53Mae Martin?

  And me, randomly me and Jags.

• 35:56Tig Notaro?

  I think I'm gonna start inviting a gaggle of people to fly out to Aspen to see me do something.

• 36:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:04Tig Notaro?

  Why not?

• 36:05Mae Martin?

  Hey guys, I'm gonna be, yeah, I'm gonna be going bowling on Friday.

• 36:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, just invite a gaggle. I think it's fun to do like weird curveballs like that.

• 36:15Mae Martin?

  Well, at one point Stephanie and I were talking about, is there a way to rent out?

• 36:18Tig Notaro?

  My wife.

• 36:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:21Tig Notaro?

  Let's hear it.

• 36:22Mae Martin?

  My wife. My wife.

• 36:24Tig Notaro?

  Let's hear your plans. My wife.

• 36:27Mae Martin?

  We were talking about, is there a way to rent out an arcade or a, or a laser tag place or something like that? Like, just rent it out for the day and?

• 36:35Tig Notaro?

  I'm sure. I'm sorry, Stephanie was asking.

• 36:38Mae Martin?

  Well, if it's possible.

• 36:40Tig Notaro?

  My wife. But I mean, like, I can't even imagine her being like, God, could we get this arcade?

• 36:45Mae Martin?

  Well, now that I'm- Yeah, you could literally rent out any arcade. I'm trying to remember now if it was more of me being like, hey, we should.

• 36:51Tig Notaro?

  It probably was.

• 36:52Mae Martin?

  No, I think she was into it.

• 36:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, in fact, she dropped me off here to record today and while we were dri- cause we just wanted to spend a little extra time together. Oh, Valentine. Yeah, so we're driving along and we were reminiscing about when we were younger, not that we were together then, but how much time we spent in the Silver Lake area.

• 37:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:15Tig Notaro?

  And how we, like, and that we would be out till two and three in the morning and now nine o'clock, I have my sleep mask on and there's no place I'd rather be than in bed with my sleep mask on.

• 37:30Mae Martin?

  Can I tell you that when I did see this polo situation? I got a straight crush on a polo player.

• 37:38Tig Notaro?

  Wait, on a man?

• 37:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Can I ask what polo is?

• 37:41Tig Notaro?

  Oh, for real? No, no, no, don't tell me. Don't tell me.

• 37:44Mae Martin?

  Is it on horses?

• 37:44Tig Notaro?

  You can Google that on your own time share. We already explained a time share. Yeah, but wait, I want to hear about this.

• 37:51Mae Martin?

  His name is Nacho.

• 37:54Fortune Feimster?

  He's like one of the best polo players in the world.

• 37:57Tig Notaro?

  And he's Nacho type typically.

• 37:58Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know what's in his last name. Figueres? Nacho Figueres?

• 38:01Mae Martin?

  And did you make your feelings known?

• 38:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, he's married. I'm married. It can never be Nacho.

• 38:07Tig Notaro?

  I don't think the marriage is what's getting between the two of you.

• 38:11Fortune Feimster?

  Nacho, it can never be.

• 38:15Tig Notaro?

  Leave fortune alone.

• 38:17Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I loved him so much.

• 38:20Tig Notaro?

  So what drew, was it his personality? Was it his?

• 38:23Fortune Feimster?

  He's Argentinian and a very quiet at first, kind of like, who are these people? And then I won him over because we were at dinner and.

• 38:32Tig Notaro?

  Did he see your, uh, your calves?

• 38:35Fortune Feimster?

  He didn't even see my calves. But he was at the end of the table, so the food was never getting to him. So what is an Argentinian man?

• 38:43Tig Notaro?

  Why wouldn't anyone pass the food?

• 38:44Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no.

• 38:44Tig Notaro?

  I have had people at a dinner that are at the other side of the table and we still pass the food down to them.

• 38:52Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know if you know this, but what an Argentinian man loves, and boy, do I know what an Argentinian man loves. Is for you to feed him. So I kept, I kept, you know, like Nacho, I was getting food and giving it to him.

• 39:04Mae Martin?

  And did you cut it up and?

• 39:05Fortune Feimster?

  No, I didn't do that, but then he, then he loved me. And then he walked Jackson and I, um, back to the hotel.

• 39:12Tig Notaro?

  I bet he did.

• 39:16Fortune Feimster?

  And then when he was playing, he came by on his horse and kissed my hand.

• 39:19Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 39:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yes.

• 39:21Tig Notaro?

  Oh, wait, now you let May know that polo has to do with horses.

• 39:25Fortune Feimster?

  You really don't know what polo is?

• 39:26Tig Notaro?

  Don't tell May. This is, May needs to look up.

• 39:29Fortune Feimster?

  You've never heard of polo?

• 39:30Mae Martin?

  I think I thought polo was water polo, swimming, but then now, now I'm thinking.

• 39:36Fortune Feimster?

  Have you ever seen Ralph Lauren shirt?

• 39:38Tig Notaro?

  You can lead a horse to water polo.

• 39:40Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 39:40Fortune Feimster?

  Um, Marco, polo, that's in the water. Um, there are horses.

• 39:46Tig Notaro?

  That's it?

• 39:46Fortune Feimster?

  It is a rich people's sport. I've never been to.

• 39:49Tig Notaro?

  Are you kidding? In Aspen?

• 39:53Fortune Feimster?

  It's like a whole world.

• 39:54Tig Notaro?

  How'd you get there, Greyhound?

• 39:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:56Tig Notaro?

  How'd you get there?

• 39:58Fortune Feimster?

  Don't worry about it.

• 39:59Tig Notaro?

  How did you arrive Aspen for the polo concert?

• 40:04Fortune Feimster?

  I went by horse. And, um, he made me swoon, oh, for sure.

• 40:11Mae Martin?

  He, he what?

• 40:12Fortune Feimster?

  He made me swoon.

• 40:13Tig Notaro?

  Did Jax think he was hot?

• 40:14Fortune Feimster?

  Jax thinks no man's hot, uh, but she likes Nacho a lot.

• 40:18Mae Martin?

  Okay, if you could be...

• 40:19Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, back to the question.

• 40:21Tig Notaro?

  Oh, right, Anna.

• 40:22Mae Martin?

  The best in the world at one thing, or be amazing at one thing, but you can't, no one can know.

• 40:27Tig Notaro?

  Ever.

• 40:27Mae Martin?

  Yet no one can know.

• 40:28Fortune Feimster?

  That's so hard, cuz who doesn't wanna show off on Instagram?

• 40:32Mae Martin?

  You can't do it in front of people.

• 40:34Tig Notaro?

  Who doesn't wanna show off on Instagram? It's so hard.

• 40:39Fortune Feimster?

  I have this talent that no one can know about, but that, that would be me on TikTok going, "I wish you guys could know how amazing I am."

• 40:48Mae Martin?

  That is something, something secret, that's such a great age.

• 40:52Fortune Feimster?

  I could never tell you, but just, no, I'm incredible.

• 40:54Tig Notaro?

  I'm so good at this.

• 40:55Mae Martin?

  That is so grade eight, than being like, something really sad happens.

• 40:59Fortune Feimster?

  I have something I, I would pick, it would kill me that no one could see this.

• 41:04Mae Martin?

  Okay, okay.

• 41:05Fortune Feimster?

  But I know that I'm ne, I could technically take lessons and learn how to do this.

• 41:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:11Fortune Feimster?

  But I don't feel like it.

• 41:13Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 41:14Fortune Feimster?

  But I want this skill really bad, I would love to...

• 41:17Tig Notaro?

  Is it tumbling?

• 41:18Fortune Feimster?

  It is not tumbling. I would love to be like, play any song in the world on a piano.

• 41:25Tig Notaro?

  But you don't want anyone to know.

• 41:27Fortune Feimster?

  I think I would at home, just play all the time and sing.

• 41:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it would bring you joy.

• 41:31Fortune Feimster?

  It would bring me a lot of joy. It would kill, it would kill me.

• 41:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:34Fortune Feimster?

  That I couldn't post videos of it.

• 41:39Fortune Feimster?

  But it would be for me.

• 41:40Tig Notaro?

  But maybe I'm not understanding this question, why wouldn't you want people to know? Like, cuz is there shame around it?

• 41:46Mae Martin?

  No, just in the question.

• 41:48Fortune Feimster?

  That's just the question, too.

• 41:49Mae Martin?

  The question is if you could be amazing at something, but only you know that. And it's a secret, you'd only do it in private.

• 41:54Fortune Feimster?

  You can't share it with anybody, that's, it's Anna's rules.

• 41:58Mae Martin?

  It's Anna's rules, we didn't make them, we just live by them.

• 42:00Tig Notaro?

  I thought Anna didn't have rules, that was my understanding about Anna. That's what everyone in Hollywood says.

• 42:06Fortune Feimster?

  Anna no rules.

• 42:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, Anna plays by her own rules.

• 42:11Fortune Feimster?

  She does.

• 42:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 42:12Mae Martin?

  Okay, I think I know mine, I think it's, and it would be hard not to talk about and tell people, but... Either astral projection, where when you sleep, you leave your body and you go out to space?

• 42:23Fortune Feimster?

  I swear to God, I'm not being dirty. Don't yell at me. I really thought you said asshole projection. Projection.

• 42:30Tig Notaro?

  Did you not?

• 42:31Mae Martin?

  Asshole projection. Is that what it sounded like?

• 42:34Fortune Feimster?

  And I was like asshole projection.

• 42:35Mae Martin?

  Asshole projection.

• 42:36Tig Notaro?

  Astral?

• 42:37Mae Martin?

  Astral.

• 42:38Fortune Feimster?

  Astral?

• 42:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, astral.

• 42:40Fortune Feimster?

  This is a stars thing?

• 42:42Mae Martin?

  This is like when you sleep, you project your soul out of your body and you go into space and you can zoom around.

• 42:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 42:51Mae Martin?

  It's legit.

• 42:52Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 42:53Mae Martin?

  Or meditation, because I've talked about before, I just can't do it. And I wouldn't have to tell anyone. It would just be, anytime I was alone, I'd just be like.

• 43:02Tig Notaro?

  I don't think I understand why it has to be a secret.

• 43:06Fortune Feimster?

  Again.

• 43:06Tig Notaro?

  I just, I'm like, so what? Word is out. You can meditate.

• 43:10Mae Martin?

  Well.

• 43:12Tig Notaro?

  So what?

• 43:12Fortune Feimster?

  But in Anna's world.

• 43:15Tig Notaro?

  The ivories so well.

• 43:16Fortune Feimster?

  Anna's the boss of us today, and in this world, we can't tell anyone.

• 43:20Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Here's mine.

• 43:23Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 43:23Mae Martin?

  Here we go.

• 43:24Fortune Feimster?

  And no one is ever gonna know about it.

• 43:26Tig Notaro?

  Okay, that I could throw on some high heels and a, and some pantyhose.

• 43:31Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 43:32Tig Notaro?

  And a skirt and I can just, I don't understand the question clearly. Because it's like, I feel like if I put that on, I'd do fine.

• 43:43Mae Martin?

  No, this is a, this is actually really, I think I relate to this because if you went out to Largo dressed like that, it would be, oh, that's hilarious. Oh, my God. Or like, what the, and you couldn't just be a sexy little lady.

• 43:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 43:55Mae Martin?

  Because everyone would be like, Tig, what?

• 43:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, Tig's a sexy little lady.

• 43:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 44:00Mae Martin?

  So you could do it alone.

• 44:01Fortune Feimster?

  She could do this alone?

• 44:01Tig Notaro?

  But I've also thought about doing that like on a special too, like.

• 44:06Fortune Feimster?

  For real?

• 44:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, to like, dress like that and just not acknowledge it.

• 44:11Fortune Feimster?

  Please.

• 44:12Mae Martin?

  Because we're on a late night show.

• 44:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Oh, that would be good.

• 44:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like watch that hour.

• 44:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 44:17Fortune Feimster?

  You'd be tired of hills.

• 44:19Mae Martin?

  Do you think you'd be able to be as funny or would you, because I just did a show with Lisa Gilroy and as a joke, we dressed up as each other. And so she was like, I'm Mae Martin in a hat. And I wore like a tight black dress and I haven't worn one since I was.

• 44:32Fortune Feimster?

  Did you post a picture?

• 44:34Mae Martin?

  No.

• 44:34Fortune Feimster?

  Because in that, in this world, you can share with people.

• 44:37Mae Martin?

  In the real world, but I actually was like.

• 44:39Tig Notaro?

  Fortune loves to brag on social media, apparently.

• 44:42Fortune Feimster?

  You did this for yourself?

• 44:45Mae Martin?

  I found it like surprisingly hard. Like, once I got on stage, I was like, anyway, joke's over now, guys. I'll probably just go change.

• 44:51Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you didn't like it?

• 44:51Mae Martin?

  I couldn't be funny. I don't know.

• 44:53Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, interesting.

• 44:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 44:56Fortune Feimster?

  That is, I would never have guessed that would have been your thing.

• 44:59Tig Notaro?

  Again, I don't think I understand the question. I'm just gonna say, in the privacy of my own home, I'm gonna dress like a little lady. And I'm gonna look up YouTube videos of how to walk in heels.

• 45:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 45:13Tig Notaro?

  And, um,

• 45:15Mae Martin?

  You're gonna like strut your stuff.

• 45:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 45:17Fortune Feimster?

  That is so funny. Can you please do this for a late night?

• 45:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, maybe next time I do Colbert or something.

• 45:23Fortune Feimster?

  I was gonna say Colbert would probably be the, a good one for that.

• 45:26Tig Notaro?

  And he is the love of my life. And so it'll be-

• 45:29Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, somebody, oh, okay.

• 45:31Tig Notaro?

  What, because I kissed your cheek today?

• 45:34Fortune Feimster?

  No, because I was talking about nacho. You also have-

• 45:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh, oh, I see. I thought you were getting controlling because I kissed your cheek today.

• 45:42Mae Martin?

  And you thought it got toxic that fast?

• 45:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I thought, oh, you're doing that to everybody?

• 45:48Fortune Feimster?

  All of a sudden, you want to kiss Stephen Colbert's cheek? No, that you had a male crush.

• 45:53Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah, that and him and Pitbull. We already know this.

• 45:57Fortune Feimster?

  And Billy.

• 45:58Tig Notaro?

  Billy Crudler.

• 46:00Mae Martin?

  I think Stephen Colbert would react really, I think he'd be really like gentlemanly about it. He'd be really-

• 46:05Tig Notaro?

  I think he would laugh really hard.

• 46:07Fortune Feimster?

  He would be funny.

• 46:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 46:08Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 46:08Tig Notaro?

  But, okay, if anyone's listening, if you know Stephen-

• 46:12Fortune Feimster?

  Is anyone listening?

• 46:13Tig Notaro?

  No, if anyone, if anyone, if there's anybody listening to this show.

• 46:17Fortune Feimster?

  Is anybody out there?

• 46:19Tig Notaro?

  You, and if you know Stephen Colbert, you cannot tell him.

• 46:23Fortune Feimster?

  Don't tell him.

• 46:23Tig Notaro?

  Like, if you work at his, at his show and you're like-

• 46:26Fortune Feimster?

  Because we do have producers of people's show, listen.

• 46:28Tig Notaro?

  And we will find you.

• 46:30Mae Martin?

  But didn't we think about when we host the Oscars, wearing, uh, black dresses, all of us, or gowns?

• 46:35Fortune Feimster?

  Or we were tuxedos.

• 46:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, and we're gonna-

• 46:38Tig Notaro?

  And we need to tap dance.

• 46:39Fortune Feimster?

  But we could go into another bit at some point in a dress.

• 46:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be good.

• 46:44Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:44Fortune Feimster?

  We haven't started our tap dancing lessons, so.

• 46:47Tig Notaro?

  Wait, oh, somebody reached out.

• 46:49Fortune Feimster?

  That teaches?

• 46:50Tig Notaro?

  Kate McCucci's friend is a tap dance instructor.

• 46:52Fortune Feimster?

  Kate McCucci.

• 46:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Let's not get started.

• 46:56Mae Martin?

  She wants to teach us?

• 46:57Tig Notaro?

  And she said she, she would like to, um, uh, start with lessons.

• 47:01Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 47:01Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 47:02Tig Notaro?

  It's happening. Are you interested too?

• 47:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I will show up.

• 47:05Tig Notaro?

  Thomas, are you?

• 47:07Tig Notaro?

  I'm in.

• 47:07Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 47:08Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 47:08Tig Notaro?

  Biggie? Oh, sorry. Biggie passed.

• 47:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 47:11Tig Notaro?

  Oh, hi baby bear.

• 47:13Fortune Feimster?

  Look how cute. His tongue didn't used to do that, but he had teeth pulled and now the tongue, his tongue sticks out.

• 47:19Tig Notaro?

  When did his teeth get, you pulled all of them out just to see his tongue?

• 47:22Fortune Feimster?

  Fifteen.

• 47:24Tig Notaro?

  Fifteen teeth?

• 47:25Fortune Feimster?

  He had to get fifteen teeth?

• 47:26Tig Notaro?

  When?

• 47:26Fortune Feimster?

  Like eight months ago, six months ago.

• 47:28Tig Notaro?

  Oh, man.

• 47:29Fortune Feimster?

  Would you rather? Oh. Yeah, stretch it out.

• 47:32Tig Notaro?

  You've gotta have no teeth. Or you have one big tooth. Well, I'm always gonna go for the one big tooth.

• 47:44Tig Notaro?

  Uh, and big feet.

• 47:45Fortune Feimster?

  Did you say no teeth or one big tooth?

• 47:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:48Fortune Feimster?

  I think I just had to have no teeth.

• 47:50Tig Notaro?

  Really? I'll take the one big tooth.

• 47:53Fortune Feimster?

  Eating my bed.

• 47:54Tig Notaro?

  You know, today Stephanie was like,

• 47:56Fortune Feimster?

  Like a beaver.

• 47:56Tig Notaro?

  Who would you rather date?

• 47:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 47:58Tig Notaro?

  Billie Eilish, um, Chapel Rohn, and then there was somebody else and I was like,

• 48:05Fortune Feimster?

  All the young lesb- lesb-

• 48:08Tig Notaro?

  Let's be honest.

• 48:09Fortune Feimster?

  I was gonna say lesbians, young lesbians.

• 48:11Tig Notaro?

  And I was like, um, and I was, I mean, loved these people as musicians and singers, but I was like, I mean, I said, who, who would you, and she was like, oh, I, I wouldn't date any of them. I was like, well, I'm not gonna date any of them either. What, what are we doing? She does that to me all the, we'll go to a dinner, an intimate dinner, and we'll leave and she'll be like, okay. If you had to, it's, she always wants to know who I would date out of whatever three, and then I say it, I fall for it every time.

• 48:44Fortune Feimster?

  You're forced to answer.

• 48:45Tig Notaro?

  And then I ask her and she's like, oh, none of them. Every single time. And that just happened on the way here.

• 48:51Fortune Feimster?

  Like, I thought the rules is that we had to name someone.

• 48:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Who, oh, the other one was Sabrina Carpenter. She said Sabrina Carpenter. I said, I've never heard Sabrina Carpenter talk. So that I, you know, um, these are all attractive, talented people.

• 49:09Fortune Feimster?

  They're so young. They should all ask us questions.

• 49:11Tig Notaro?

  Yes, they are so young.

• 49:12Fortune Feimster?

  They should all ask us questions. Billy.

• 49:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 49:14Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, Chapel and Sabrina.

• 49:16Tig Notaro?

  Sabrina.

• 49:17Fortune Feimster?

  We'd love for you to submit a question.

• 49:19Tig Notaro?

  I do. I know Billy's mom pretty well.

• 49:22Fortune Feimster?

  Do you really?

• 49:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 49:23Fortune Feimster?

  Maggie?

• 49:24Tig Notaro?

  Maggie.

• 49:24Fortune Feimster?

  She used to teach at the Groundlings. I, I've never met her, but I, people love her.

• 49:29Tig Notaro?

  She is awesome. And she is like, The vegan guru.

• 49:32Fortune Feimster?

  I've met Phineas, um, their whole family like loves comedy.

• 49:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Really?

• 49:37Fortune Feimster?

  They grew up, you know, with the ground, around the groundlings and stuff.

• 49:40Tig Notaro?

  Ah. But. I didn't know that. Anyway, I need to understand somebody's personality. Who would you date out of Sabrina, Billy, and Chapel?

• 49:51Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, gosh. I don't know. Billy's so cool. I feel like I'm not cool enough for Billy.

• 49:55Tig Notaro?

  Billy is so cool.

• 49:57Fortune Feimster?

  So cool. I would be, Billy would find me incredibly boring. Sabrina too.

• 50:03Tig Notaro?

  Sabrina would find you boring?

• 50:04Fortune Feimster?

  I think so.

• 50:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 50:06Fortune Feimster?

  I think Chapel would be into me.

• 50:07Tig Notaro?

  They would all probably find you boring.

• 50:08Fortune Feimster?

  No, no, Chapel would be into me.

• 50:10Tig Notaro?

  And what about you, Meg?

• 50:11Fortune Feimster?

  Demisexual.

• 50:12Tig Notaro?

  No, we're finished with you. Shut your mouth. Wait, who would you be into?

• 50:16Fortune Feimster?

  Chapel, cause she's a demisexual.

• 50:18Tig Notaro?

  What is a demisexual?

• 50:20Fortune Feimster?

  It is, you have to have a connection first.

• 50:22Tig Notaro?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 50:23Fortune Feimster?

  Before anything romantic.

• 50:24Tig Notaro?

  Well, that sounds kinda like what you're saying.

• 50:25Fortune Feimster?

  And I can win her over with my, um, personality.

• 50:29Tig Notaro?

  I figured it out. I figured it out. I would be Chapel as well. And let me tell you why. My friends, Beth and Rick, had Stephanie and I watch this video of Chapel and her parents. Oh, I watched that, yeah. You've seen it? Yeah, that was great. That? I already loved Chapel Roan.

• 50:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 50:49Tig Notaro?

  And then I was like, yeah, yeah, like, oh, you gotta see this video. I'm like, okay.

• 50:54Fortune Feimster?

  Her dad cried in the car.

• 50:55Tig Notaro?

  I know. And I was truly like, okay, yeah, we'll see it later. Okay, I don't wanna watch the video. They put it on. It's so good, isn't it?

• 51:05Fortune Feimster?

  It's really great.

• 51:06Tig Notaro?

  How do you, people find, it's carpool karaoke, but it's not carpool karaoke. How do I? Like, the guy takes her to her hometown and she shows him around. It is the most charming, touching, inspiring thing.

• 51:21Fortune Feimster?

  Supportive.

• 51:22Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh. How do we get anything accomplished when there's so much to watch on the internet that is such good stuff? I find it hard to get anything done just looking at myself. Like, I'm like...

• 51:34Fortune Feimster?

  An attractive person.

• 51:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, I see.

• 51:36Fortune Feimster?

  And how do you get through the day without looking in mirrors?

• 51:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's hard to pull myself away from a mirror.

• 51:42Mae Martin?

  But I heard that you're supposed to every morning, look at yourself in the eyes and say, I love you 10 times.

• 51:47Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 51:48Mae Martin?

  And, and I tried it the other morning and it felt very weird and I realized I never look at myself in the eyes. I was like embarrassed. I was like, oh, hey, ugh. I love you.

• 51:58Tig Notaro?

  I only look at myself when I'm brushing my tooth, my one big tooth. And then I head out for the day. And then I catch glimpses and reflections and windows and I'm like, oh, boy.

• 52:10Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 52:10Fortune Feimster?

  Do you know what I do?

• 52:11Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 52:12Fortune Feimster?

  I look into a mirror and I say, God, what have you done? You're a pink pony girl and you dance at the club, oh mama.

• 52:24Mae Martin?

  Can you hit, I want the next, yeah, yeah.

• 52:26Fortune Feimster?

  Just having fun on the stage in my heels. It's where I belong. Down at the.

• 52:35Tig Notaro?

  Pink pony club.

• 52:38Fortune Feimster?

  I wanna keep on dancing down in the.

• 52:41Tig Notaro?

  Pink pony club.

• 52:42Mae Martin?

  That's it.

• 52:44Tig Notaro?

  Uh, who would you choose out of Chapel, Billy? And to be clear, these are all attractive, cool, talented people. I just think.

• 52:54Mae Martin?

  I know this is.

• 52:54Tig Notaro?

  And to be clear, um, they don't want us.

• 52:59Mae Martin?

  And they're so young.

• 53:01Tig Notaro?

  And we're married. There's three of them and there's three of us.

• 53:05Tig Notaro?

  But we both are gonna fight over Chapel.

• 53:07Mae Martin?

  I feel like this podcast, if, if we were three guys, it would be like so bro-y. It would be like, no, wait, so wait, which one? Who's hotter? Who do you like?

• 53:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, so bro-y, but then it's like, I need to understand her personality first.

• 53:21Mae Martin?

  I know, that's true, yeah, yeah.

• 53:22Tig Notaro?

  But that's where I feel like I, I started to understand Chapel's personality and her parents.

• 53:27Mae Martin?

  I am gonna say Sabrina Carpenter.

• 53:30Tig Notaro?

  That's who I thought, I knew you were gonna say that.

• 53:32Mae Martin?

  For the following reasons. Uh, I heard that Chapel Rohn dates like femme women. That's what I heard.

• 53:37Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 53:37Mae Martin?

  I heard that on the streets. Word, word on the streets, you guys are out.

• 53:40Fortune Feimster?

  I'm out.

• 53:41Mae Martin?

  Um, I, I know Chapel Rohn's music better than the other two.

• 53:44Fortune Feimster?

  I love that we're talking about this as if it's.

• 53:45Mae Martin?

  As if it's a possibility.

• 53:49Fortune Feimster?

  I'm out then.

• 53:53Mae Martin?

  Sabrina Carpenter, is that who dated Barry Keegan? Yes, it is. And I feel like I could, I don't know, I'm, yeah, I'm going Sabrina Carpenter. Okay. Yeah, I have no. Yeah, in this fantasy land, it can be whatever you want.

• 54:09Tig Notaro?

  So you're saying Chapel's not gonna be into my flannel and mustache?

• 54:13Mae Martin?

  Well, never say no, she's a, maybe if the connection is strong enough. She's not gonna be into us being married? Okay, wait, who would you rather marry? Wow. And we're not bros, we're not saying who would you rather hook up with, we're saying who would you rather marry? Make an honest woman of. Make an honest woman of. Cher? Okay. Oh. Celine? Celine Dion? Yes, Celine.

• 54:35Tig Notaro?

  But you said Celine.

• 54:36Mae Martin?

  That's how she says it.

• 54:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 54:38Mae Martin?

  Celine. Celine. Celine Dion? Cher. I am the greatest, singer of the world!

• 54:42Tig Notaro?

  So are we just going straight to Vegas, baby?

• 54:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:45Tig Notaro?

  Is that what we're doing? Okay.

• 54:47Mae Martin?

  Cher, Celine, or? Beyonce? Or wait? Oh, I'm, no, who's like a, another icon of that era, Streisand. Oh.

• 54:55Tig Notaro?

  Streisand predates, but sure, let's throw her in.

• 54:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, true, true. Hmm. Hmm. Or, should we say actually? Beyonce? Paula Abdul?

• 55:08Tig Notaro?

  I'd go Paula Abdul. Wait, how come I was so confident in Paula Abdul and then why?

• 55:21Mae Martin?

  I guess that is.

• 55:22Tig Notaro?

  Let's take a laugh break here.

• 55:24Mae Martin?

  And I don't know, Paula Abdul?

• 55:28Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god, yeah, Celine Dion, Barbara Streisand, Cher.

• 55:33Mae Martin?

  What?

• 55:34Tig Notaro?

  You're gonna put, you're gonna throw Paula in here?

• 55:38Mae Martin?

  I think I'm taking Barbara out, and I'm gonna play.

• 55:42Tig Notaro?

  You're taking Barbara out?

• 55:43Mae Martin?

  I'm taking her out, so.

• 55:44Tig Notaro?

  You're taking Barbara out? Cher's from that era too.

• 55:48Mae Martin?

  Oh yeah, you're right, okay, okay, let's, they're all in.

• 55:50Tig Notaro?

  Cher is 80.

• 55:53Mae Martin?

  Paula Abdul is not.

• 55:55Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna bis myself. I don't know, let's just throw.

• 55:59Tig Notaro?

  Somebody grabbed the tea kettle. We're just about to wet.

• 56:05Fortune Feimster?

  Why is that so funny to me?

• 56:09Fortune Feimster?

  I just have an appalling.

• 56:11Mae Martin?

  Also, all four of these people are really not comparable, like they're so different.

• 56:16Tig Notaro?

  And we're supposed to like date them.

• 56:18Fortune Feimster?

  I already know. It's Celine Dion, my hands down. I could listen to her sing for hours.

• 56:23Tig Notaro?

  Okay. And you couldn't listen to Cher sing for hours?

• 56:26Fortune Feimster?

  If I could turn, no. Bad turn. I would listen to Celine, and she's kinda kooky, quirky.

• 56:32Mae Martin?

  You gotta think about who's gonna make you laugh the most.

• 56:35Tig Notaro?

  But she has twins and I have twins.

• 56:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, that could be crazy.

• 56:38Tig Notaro?

  It's a little bit much, if I was like Max and Finn.

• 56:41Mae Martin?

  You're going Celine?

• 56:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:43Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 56:43Mae Martin?

  You know who I'm going?

• 56:44Tig Notaro?

  Who are our choices?

• 56:45Fortune Feimster?

  Who's taking Paula?

• 56:46Mae Martin?

  I'm taking Paula.

• 56:47Tig Notaro?

  I'm taking Paula.

• 56:48Mae Martin?

  I'm taking Paula.

• 56:49Tig Notaro?

  I'm Paula.

• 56:50Fortune Feimster?

  I love Paula too.

• 56:51Tig Notaro?

  I know Paula's like a ha ha, how does she fit in?

• 56:54Fortune Feimster?

  It's just so random, cuz those people aren't like each other. That, that group and Paula, very different.

• 57:03Tig Notaro?

  Cher?

• 57:03Fortune Feimster?

  Paula's like, started as a dancer.

• 57:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 57:06Mae Martin?

  I mean Cher and Celine Dion are so different. I'm going Cher, actually. I think Cher.

• 57:10Tig Notaro?

  I'm sticking with Paula.

• 57:12Mae Martin?

  I just wa-

• 57:13Tig Notaro?

  Paula.

• 57:14Mae Martin?

  I just watched Moonstruck for the first time. I think Cher would be hilarious.

• 57:17Fortune Feimster?

  Cher would be very funny.

• 57:19Mae Martin?

  And also, doesn't Cher date like young men?

• 57:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like a twenty something year old.

• 57:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 57:23Fortune Feimster?

  She has like a twenty something year old boyfriend.

• 57:25Tig Notaro?

  Right now?

• 57:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've been together like two years or something.

• 57:28Mae Martin?

  Okay, so.

• 57:29Tig Notaro?

  Is that a long time? I guess when you're twenty five, yeah.

• 57:33Mae Martin?

  I heard Susan Sarandon just said that she would be open to dating any age, any gender.

• 57:38Tig Notaro?

  Wow, there you go. Why don't you get out there? Are you open to that age?

• 57:42Mae Martin?

  Oh yeah, big time.

• 57:44Tig Notaro?

  Whoa, calm down, fella.

• 57:46Mae Martin?

  Sorry, it's Susan Sarandon, yeah, big time. Yeah, big time.

• 57:49Fortune Feimster?

  May, I do think you should do things like this and come back to the pod and tell us about it.

• 57:53Mae Martin?

  I, I mean, I-

• 57:55Tig Notaro?

  You have to do things like this.

• 57:56Fortune Feimster?

  Do things like this.

• 57:58Tig Notaro?

  You must do things like this and come back and tell us.

• 58:01Mae Martin?

  Date Susan surrender.

• 58:03Fortune Feimster?

  Again, in this world, you can talk about it.

• 58:05Mae Martin?

  But also, again, we're talking about it like it's a real option, like.

• 58:08Tig Notaro?

  You never know. It is an option. Call me. She said she's open to any age, open, open to any gender, and then get her to ask a question.

• 58:15Mae Martin?

  She was so informative for me.

• 58:17Fortune Feimster?

  Random conversation.

• 58:20Tig Notaro?

  Anna Kendrick's face on pause.

• 58:21Fortune Feimster?

  We gotta hear Anna's question, answer.

• 58:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

• 58:26Tig Notaro?

  Anna, what have you got for us?

• 58:28Speaker 05

  If I could be the best in the world at something and nobody could know about it, I would want to be the best in the world at dancing. I'm not a good dancer, but I would love to be like, like, like a ballerina, you know? Like the turns and the leaps and whatever, and it would be my preference to do it in front of people and have people be very impressed by me.

• 58:44Tig Notaro?

  Can't.

• 58:45Speaker 05

  But I like it so much, the idea of that, like that ability to do that with your body, that I think that would be very satisfying.

• 58:54Tig Notaro?

  Anna, also, no.

• 58:56Mae Martin?

  Now you're correcting her on the rules.

• 58:58Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 58:59Mae Martin?

  Now it seems like, no, those aren't the rules.

• 59:00Fortune Feimster?

  Tik's very upset that we can't tell anyone.

• 59:03Tig Notaro?

  Because Anna, and you know, give me a ring a ding, we need to talk about this. Because why, if you can't dance, and then you learn, and you are nailing it, would you want to keep it a secret?

• 59:15Mae Martin?

  No, you don't want to keep it a secret, but you have to.

• 59:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Why?

• 59:19Fortune Feimster?

  Because that's the only way you get that power.

• 59:22Mae Martin?

  That's the only way you get that power, yeah.

• 59:23Fortune Feimster?

  With great power.

• 59:25Mae Martin?

  But also, I really get that desire to like, I've always wished I was one of those people that was born and was like, I just gotta dance.

• 59:33Tig Notaro?

  Why don't you show us your move?

• 59:35Mae Martin?

  My move?

• 59:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 59:36Fortune Feimster?

  Your one move.

• 59:37Mae Martin?

  My one move?

• 59:38Tig Notaro?

  And we'll sing Pink Pony.

• 59:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, right here.

• 59:41Tig Notaro?

  Okay, two, three, and.

• 59:43Fortune Feimster?

  Pink pony.

• 59:45Tig Notaro?

  Wait, can the cameras see it? You have your back to this camera.

• 59:49Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna do a slut drop.

• 59:49Tig Notaro?

  As long as that, oh, okay, I see. I'm gonna do a what?

• 59:52Tig Notaro?

  Slut drop.

• 59:53Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:54Tig Notaro?

  That's why.

• 59:54Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 59:55Tig Notaro?

  Tik, that's why. Be cool, be cool. It's coming.

• 1:00:01Tig Notaro?

  It was very funny.

• 1:00:03Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna do a song drop, that's why.

• 1:00:06Fortune Feimster?

  Pink.

• 1:00:07Tig Notaro?

  Pink, oh, wait.

• 1:00:09Fortune Feimster?

  Pink.

• 1:00:10Tig Notaro?

  Pink pony girl. What is this called?

• 1:00:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, Biggie's into it. Yeah, Biggie.

• 1:00:15Tig Notaro?

  It's a slut.

• 1:00:17Fortune Feimster?

  Biggie.

• 1:00:18Tig Notaro?

  Oh, a slut drop. I thought you said a slut drop.

• 1:00:20Fortune Feimster?

  What slut woke up?

• 1:00:23Tig Notaro?

  This toothless slut.

• 1:00:27Mae Martin?

  Biggie likes it.

• 1:00:28Fortune Feimster?

  I like what you're putting down.

• 1:00:31Tig Notaro?

  A toothless slut with dead eyes would like a piece of that.

• 1:00:36Fortune Feimster?

  No dead eyes.

• 1:00:37Mae Martin?

  Calling Biggie a slut is the funniest part of this episode so far.

• 1:00:41Fortune Feimster?

  Wow, you guys, what a pod.

• 1:00:43Mae Martin?

  What a pod.

• 1:00:44Fortune Feimster?

  What a pod. I love being in person with you two. What a treat this was.

• 1:00:50Tig Notaro?

  God, we are good.

• 1:00:51Mae Martin?

  Thank you, Anna, for the question.

• 1:00:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 1:00:54Mae Martin?

  Even though Tig didn't understand it at all.

• 1:00:56Tig Notaro?

  I don't understand it at all.

• 1:00:57Mae Martin?

  I loved it.

• 1:00:58Tig Notaro?

  I want Anna to come over and dance while I'm strutting around the house in my heels. Yeah, and Fortune plays the piano.

• 1:01:06Mae Martin?

  I'm unconscious astrolabe asshole projecting.

• 1:01:11Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:01:12Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:01:13Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 1:01:14Fortune Feimster?

  This was great.

• 1:01:15Tig Notaro?

  It really was.

• 1:01:16Fortune Feimster?

  We do have good news for our listeners.

• 1:01:18Tig Notaro?

  What is it?

• 1:01:19Fortune Feimster?

  Well, our show in Austin in April sold out.

• 1:01:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Fortune Feimster?

  And so we are going to livestream that show.

• 1:01:28Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 1:01:29Fortune Feimster?

  Cause it's our big show today, 3,000 people. And if you want to watch it, you can buy a streaming ticket.

• 1:01:36Tig Notaro?

  3,000 people?

• 1:01:37Fortune Feimster?

  3,000 people are gonna be there in person with us.

• 1:01:40Tig Notaro?

  3,000 people in Austin.

• 1:01:42Fortune Feimster?

  We're like, we need to go watch these foolish, foolish people. It's part of the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. So on April 12th, you can get your live streaming ticket. That link will be good for a week. And I think it's gonna be a pretty great show.

• 1:01:59Mae Martin?

  I think so, too. Let's break our record with live streams. Let's get people from all over the world.

• 1:02:05Fortune Feimster?

  Biggest livestream in the world.

• 1:02:07Mae Martin?

  Biggest livestream in the world.

• 1:02:09Fortune Feimster?

  And then there's just like 50 tickets left for our show at the Ryman in Nashville. That one won't be livestreamed, so get those tickets.

• 1:02:17Tig Notaro?

  I thought you were saying that one won't sell out. There's no possible way we can get rid of 50 tickets.

• 1:02:22Fortune Feimster?

  It's, but it will be at the iconic Ryman Theater and I'm so stoked for that. And guess who will be there? We've talked about it. But I bought her, her ticket today.

• 1:02:32Tig Notaro?

  Cher. No. Paula Abdul. Paula Abdul will get me there? Oh my God, now we have to get Paula Abdul on the show.

• 1:02:40Mae Martin?

  I'm a big fan.

• 1:02:41Tig Notaro?

  I love her. She's great. It was just that you put her in a very odd category. You do not like Paula Abdul for some weird reason.

• 1:02:51Fortune Feimster?

  My mom's gonna be there. Ginger.

• 1:02:53Mae Martin?

  Yes, of course. Ginger's gonna be there. Okay, great, great.

• 1:02:55Tig Notaro?

  With Paula. With Paula.

• 1:02:57Mae Martin?

  They're together now, right?

• 1:02:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, those are very exciting things.

• 1:03:02Tig Notaro?

  Here, let's put, let's put it out there. There are certain people, there are country singers that it'd be nice to have.

• 1:03:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:03:10Tig Notaro?

  So if you are a country singer.

• 1:03:11Fortune Feimster?

  Nicole Kidman.

• 1:03:13Tig Notaro?

  If you're Nicole. Oh, she lives in Nashville?

• 1:03:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, with her country singing husband Keith Urban.

• 1:03:18Mae Martin?

  Keith Urban, please come.

• 1:03:20Tig Notaro?

  Please Keith Urban. Please.

• 1:03:24Mae Martin?

  Please Keith Urban.

• 1:03:25Fortune Feimster?

  Dolly Parton.

• 1:03:27Tig Notaro?

  Dolly. It's meant to be. I have a Dolly Parton shirt on today. Dolly. Oh my gosh, I have a Dolly Parton shirt on with tits in a dumpster.

• 1:03:38Mae Martin?

  Oh my God, wait, what?

• 1:03:39Tig Notaro?

  My tits are in a dumpster. I don't know if you've heard, but she's got some knockers. Anyway.

• 1:03:45Fortune Feimster?

  I would give anything to have Dolly come to our show or send us a question.

• 1:03:49Tig Notaro?

  But also, we would deal with Keith Urban showing up.

• 1:03:53Fortune Feimster?

  Keith Urban.

• 1:03:54Mae Martin?

  I would love that. So this comes out February 25th. Can I plug? I am so desperate to have handsome fans at these music shows that I'm doing. And I'm gonna tell funny stories and they're special guests. So February 26th in LA at the Regent Theater.

• 1:04:10Tig Notaro?

  And it was my understanding you're also doing the show topless.

• 1:04:13Mae Martin?

  Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. Should I put that out there?

• 1:04:16Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 1:04:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:04:17Tig Notaro?

  And no shoes.

• 1:04:18Mae Martin?

  And no shoes or socks. Yeah, and just a cowboy hat.

• 1:04:22Tig Notaro?

  And one tooth.

• 1:04:23Mae Martin?

  So February 26th with Lauren Ruth Ward at the Regent Theater and then I'm.

• 1:04:27Tig Notaro?

  And Paula Abdul.

• 1:04:28Mae Martin?

  And Paula Abdul will be there. March 1st in Toronto, Danforth Music Hall. March 4th at the Gramercy in New York with special guest, Rob Thomas from Mashbox 20. Really? Yeah, it's gonna be incredible. Oh, yeah.

• 1:04:41Tig Notaro?

  Do you get a video from him? Get a question from him?

• 1:04:43Mae Martin?

  I will, I'll ask him. And then, March 9th in London at the Kentish Town Forum with Charles Watson and other surprise guests. With Prince Charles.

• 1:04:53Fortune Feimster?

  Amazing.

• 1:04:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:54Fortune Feimster?

  Go see those shows.

• 1:04:56Tig Notaro?

  Go see. Stephanie and I already are, we have a...

• 1:04:59Mae Martin?

  Are you coming?

• 1:05:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. We're going to your show.

• 1:05:01Mae Martin?

  I'm doing meet and greets after.

• 1:05:03Fortune Feimster?

  I think we can come too.

• 1:05:04Tig Notaro?

  I could meet you.

• 1:05:05Mae Martin?

  You could meet me.

• 1:05:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:06Fortune Feimster?

  I think we'll come too.

• 1:05:07Mae Martin?

  Oh, please.

• 1:05:08Fortune Feimster?

  I think I'm free.

• 1:05:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's so nice. Please, this whole...

• 1:05:12Tig Notaro?

  Please.

• 1:05:13Fortune Feimster?

  I'm on tour if you want to see some stand-up. Irvine Improv in March in Ontario, California. Then my theater tour starts in Savannah, Georgia, Charleston, South Carolina, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Columbus, all those places. Greensboro. Oh, Roanoke, Virginia. Shout out. But tons of dates and I'm adding a bunch more. So, fortunefemster.com for those.

• 1:05:39Tig Notaro?

  Go to tignotaro.com. I'm doing a show in Arkansas, but I don't have anything in front of me. At some point, I will be there. And as far as Toronto, I am no longer there. I will be back in a handful of months, working out new material. So, hang in there, Toronto.

• 1:05:58Fortune Feimster?

  There you go.

• 1:05:59Tig Notaro?

  I'll be right back. But, man, were those audiences great.

• 1:06:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:03Tig Notaro?

  At Comedy Bar.

• 1:06:04Fortune Feimster?

  And get your merch, handsomepod.com. I just got our hoodie and sweatpants. It is, I'm not kidding, the most comfortable.

• 1:06:12Mae Martin?

  Do you wear them together, matching combo? Yeah, really good.

• 1:06:15Fortune Feimster?

  The sweatpants are the perfect... They're, sometimes sweatpants are like...

• 1:06:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:19Fortune Feimster?

  So baggy. These are like, so good.

• 1:06:21Tig Notaro?

  They're soft, yeah.

• 1:06:22Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm not just saying it, but if you buy those, you will be very happy with them.

• 1:06:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I mean, just like, picture Paula Abdul in them.

• 1:06:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:06:31Fortune Feimster?

  Well, guys, all that's left is to...

• 1:06:34Mae Martin?

  Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. And please, follow us on social media, @handsomepod.

• 1:06:53Mae Martin?

  What a podcast.

• 1:06:54Speaker 04

  What a podcast.

• 1:06:59Mae Martin?

  That was a HeadGum Podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door, I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead, and now everything's out of alignment.

• 1:07:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:07:31Speaker 06

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 1:07:33Speaker 07

  And Hannah Simone.

• 1:07:34Speaker 06

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 1:07:55Speaker 07

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:08:08Speaker 06

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:08:19Speaker 07

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.