Pod Insights The Dr. John Delony Show I Can’t Move Past My Wife’s Affair About this episode On today’s episode, we hear about:
· A husband trying to rebuild his marriage after an affair
· A man struggling to process emotions after his girlfriend revealed past trauma
· A young wife seeking advice on how to support her husband with his health issues
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:05 Speaker 00 And then I saw the last message that she had received from him was, "Goodnight, baby. I love you." And then I confronted her the next day about it.
0:13 Dr. John Delony? Did she show you all the text messages and pictures and all the things that exchanged?
0:16 Speaker 00 No, she didn't. I didn't push for it. I probably should have.
0:20 Dr. John Delony? You should have because hey, you're playing a charade.
0:29 Dr. John Delony? Whoo, what's up? What's up? This is John with Dr. John Deloney Show. Hope you're doing well. We're talking about your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your marriages, your kids, grief, just whatever's going on in your life. My promise is I'm gonna sit with you and we'll talk about it. We're gonna figure out what's the next right move? What's one step we could take? Maybe two or three. Where do we go from here? If you want to be on the show, give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291, or go to johndeloney.com/ask. Kelly, this weekend, I took my son, 14-year-old, to his first heavy metal show. I'm buddies
1:08 Dr. John Delony? with the guitarist and he was pretty generous. Two big moments. Moment number one, my son looked around and got a really clear understanding as to why I dress how I do. He's like, "Dad, these are your people." And the second thing is, at some one point, I looked over. Now, he's a country, 90s country guy. He would prefer to be at a George Strait show. I failed him. But he'd prefer to be at like a Garth Brooks or George Strait show. But at one point, I looked over and he was bobbing his head real hard. And I was like, "That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about." He wants none of it. He just wants to go back to Hee Haw music. There we go.
1:47 Speaker 02 See, I say this because I know personally, people can be a fan of both.
1:52 Dr. John Delony? Agree or disagree? I'm just kidding.
1:53 Speaker 02 No, I'm a huge fan of both.
1:55 Dr. John Delony? I saw Garth Brooks and that dude jams.
1:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:57 Dr. John Delony? And my buddy Aaron Watson jammed.
1:59 Speaker 02 I'm a huge country fan and a huge rock metal fan, so.
2:02 Dr. John Delony? I agree. And if you peel away the instruments, they kind of sing about the same stuff.
2:06 Speaker 02 Yeah.
2:07 Dr. John Delony? Like, "I'll fight ya."
2:08 Speaker 02 There's a very similar.
2:09 Dr. John Delony? "Let's drink too much."
2:10 Speaker 02 You know, between the two. Yeah.
2:12 Dr. John Delony? Yeah, it's very.
2:13 Speaker 02 A lot of similarities.
2:14 Dr. John Delony? Until you get into the, yeah, the Scary Marys or the Super Darks. Anyway, all right, let's go out to Indianapolis. Indianapolis. Let's go out to Indiana and talk to Zatch. What's up, Zach?
2:30 Speaker 00 Howdy, Dr. John.
2:32 Dr. John Delony? Howdy, my man. What's up?
2:35 Speaker 00 Oh, um, just another exciting day.
2:41 Speaker 00 A little sarcasm there.
2:43 Dr. John Delony? I got it, I got it. What's up, dude? How can I help, brother?
2:47 Speaker 00 Well, um, been struggling to kinda overcome something internally, even though it seems like on the outside, everything's cool. Um, back, um, very early in the year, um, I discovered that, um, my wife was involved in an emotional affair with a coworker. And like since then, like, we've been doing the rebuild process. And I mean, for the most part, I mean, things are actually probably better now than they was before.
3:23 Dr. John Delony? Yeah.
3:23 Speaker 00 But, um, I just can't seem to get these, like, as you described them, like, lightbulb, like, lightbulb thoughts, like, they just kinda come out of nowhere. Like, thoughts about it.
3:39 Dr. John Delony? Yeah.
3:39 Speaker 00 And, I mean, I don't know how to, I don't know how to explain it. I mean, it's not near as bad as it was. It's definitely getting, getting better.
3:50 Dr. John Delony? How long ago did this happen?
3:52 Speaker 00 This, I made the discovery in January, and now it's October.
3:57 Dr. John Delony? Okay. Um, how'd you find out?
4:03 Speaker 00 Well, um, it's a bit of a story, but my wife, um, came home, came home one day, um, in August, and told me about a new friend she had made at work. And over the course of a month, it seemed like they was talking way too much outside of work, and I was uncomfortable with it. And I tried discussing it with her, and she kept telling me, it's nothing, it's nothing. And then, I don't know, one day, one day I woke up in the middle of the night, and I just had a feeling, and I checked her smartwatch,
4:44 Speaker 00 and then I saw the last message that she had received from him was, "Goodnight, baby, I love you." And then I confronted her the next day about it.
4:54 Dr. John Delony? She come clean?
4:57 Speaker 00 Yeah.
4:58 Dr. John Delony? Did she show you all the text messages and pictures and all the things they'd exchanged?
5:02 Speaker 00 No, she didn't, did not completely open up her phone to me.
5:06 Dr. John Delony? Why not?
5:09 Speaker 00 Um, she wasn't, wasn't up for it and I didn't push for it, but I probably should have.
5:18 Dr. John Delony? You should have, because hey, you're, you're, you're playing a charade. Because I think you know there's more there.
5:25 Speaker 00 Yeah.
5:26 Dr. John Delony? Am I right?
5:28 Speaker 00 Probably, because my understanding is the only thing that happened between them, like on a physical level, was kissing.
5:37 Dr. John Delony? Okay.
5:37 Speaker 00 But obvi- obviously I've not read through all their text messages and stuff, so all I have to go on is her word and obviously she lied to me.
5:48 Dr. John Delony? Right.
5:50 Dr. John Delony? And you know as well as I do, she didn't slide the phone across the table and say, "I love you more than life itself and I'm so sorry and yes, I have a crush on a coworker and I, I have, I have, I've been inappropriate, man, but nothing else has happened here, look."
6:12 Dr. John Delony? But when she looked at you and said, "Nah," you can't see that.
6:19 Dr. John Delony? It, it, dude, as far as I'm concerned, that tells me what I need to know. There's more to it. And it may have been sexting, it may have been, "Hey, let's meet up here at this hotel." Who knows what was there? The problem is, there was something left unsaid there. And can I give you one more thing that I think's equally, if not more, heavy?
6:37 Speaker 00 Yeah.
6:39 Dr. John Delony? You didn't ask and you've lost trust in you.
6:46 Dr. John Delony? Right?
6:46 Speaker 00 Right.
6:48 Dr. John Delony? Like, because you probably are just like me, you've told yourself all these kind of stories about, "If that's my wife ever, I'm gonna..." And you didn't.
6:55 Speaker 00 Uh huh, a hundred percent.
6:57 Dr. John Delony? You didn't.
6:58 Speaker 00 And because of that, I've only told one person up until now about this.
7:03 Dr. John Delony? And secrets are killing you.
7:06 Speaker 00 Exactly.
7:07 Dr. John Delony? And lack of trust in your own house is killing you. And the fact that your wife still was hedging her bets when you found out is killing you.
7:17 Speaker 00 Yeah. It's um
7:24 Speaker 00 definitely as far as, I don't get me wrong, I do, I do love her.
7:29 Dr. John Delony? I know you do, I know you do.
7:30 Speaker 00 Or I wouldn't have tried to, tried to work through this.
7:34 Dr. John Delony? No, I know you do.
7:35 Speaker 00 But
7:36 Dr. John Delony? And I don't think your marriage is over.
7:40 Dr. John Delony? But I don't think y'all are still, y'all may be performing better.
7:45 Dr. John Delony? Y'all may be kinder, talking about things, laughing more, going for walks, um, putting your cellphones away when you get home, all that kinda stuff.
7:56 Dr. John Delony? But she still doesn't know that you're wondering what was in that phone that night.
8:03 Speaker 00 Right. Um.
8:07 Speaker 00 This is, now, I, this actually did make me feel better at the time. Um, and it did for, um, a little few days afterwards. But I don't, um.
8:24 Speaker 00 I don't know if it'll have any lasting effects. I think part of it might be just because of, you know, expecting, expecting the phone call, then kinda rehashing everything in my head again.
8:34 Dr. John Delony? Of course.
8:35 Speaker 00 Um, but.
8:38 Dr. John Delony? And let, let's, let's, let's go there. It, let's say she slid, slid her phone across the table and you read through all the texts and they were gut wrenching. "I think you're hilarious. My husband never laughs like you make me laugh. Um. I can't believe you kissed me, but it was kinda awesome." Like you saw all that. She just handed it to you and she'd never sent him topless photos and her phone wasn't filled with pics or anything. Like she just, it just, it was, right?
9:04 Speaker 00 Right.
9:06 Dr. John Delony? You then, a year later.
9:10 Dr. John Delony? You said, "I agree. I'm all back in. We're gonna rebuild something new." Then you have to make the choice to have two or three images of your wife, of y'all together, laughing, having fun, being silly, when she is a ray of light in your life.
9:29 Dr. John Delony? And the moment that lightning bolt hits, you can't stop that. It happens.
9:35 Dr. John Delony? But the moment that hits you have a choice immediately following that. And that is, am I going to either pull out that picture out of my wallet or my phone and look at it and meditate on that?
9:48 Dr. John Delony? So glad we stuck this out and we're building something new and amazing. And I'm gonna force my energy onto that photo or to that memory.
9:58 Dr. John Delony? Or you can choose to meditate on what was.
10:03 Dr. John Delony? On that thought and then the kiss and then where was his hands on her body? Like, and you can go down that road, dude. You're gonna get enraged and mad again. And then you're gonna get mad at yourself again. Like, that whole, the whole machine will, will kick up again.
10:16 Speaker 00 Yeah, I don't wanna do that. I wanna heal.
10:18 Dr. John Delony? I know. But you, you can't just take something away. You gotta have something that replaces it.
10:23 Speaker 00 Gotcha.
10:24 Dr. John Delony? And you, by committing to stay, said, "I'm back in," which means I'm not gonna keep bringing this thing up and I'm gonna do what I need to do to heal so we can come back.
10:34 Speaker 00 I, I did do something of a healing gesture, um, on our anniversary, because one of the tragedies about this scenario is that it only happened a couple of months into us actually being married.
10:50 Speaker 00 But, um, on our anniversary, I took a, took a piece of paper and then I wrote down, like, different things. Well, I didn't actually write the things down, but I made like a, a list, basically, even though like the things wasn't listed on the list. And I said, "Things that I've done to hurt you, things that you've done to hurt me." And we burnt, uh, burnt the paper. And I told her that I didn't want things from our first year of marriage to come into our second year of marriage and I wanted to start fresh.
11:32 Dr. John Delony? Cool.
11:34 Dr. John Delony? And so from that point forward, the only person you can control is you.
11:38 Speaker 00 Right.
11:41 Dr. John Delony? And maybe you're at a place now where you have healed from that initial, ugh.
11:47 Dr. John Delony? And you just need to deal with the lightning bolts and that just takes time, man, that just takes time.
11:52 Speaker 00 I'll tell you what, the initial, the initial shock was, was rough on me. I lost 12 pounds in 12 days.
11:59 Dr. John Delony? Heck, yeah. You're not gonna eat, you're gonna have diarrhea, you're just, yeah, you wither away, happens fast.
12:05 Speaker 00 Yeah, it was a rough time.
12:07 Dr. John Delony? Absolutely, man. You're not crazy. And maybe you're at a place now where you can say, okay, I'm not leaving you, I love you, I like what we, what we're rebuilding. But one thing is haunting me.
12:23 Dr. John Delony? That night when I asked you, like, to see, like, see your phone and you said you weren't ready for that, what were you hiding? Did you ever send him, like, topless pictures? No, I didn't. Did you really? Like, what was in your phone? Cause it's making me, kinda making me crazy still.
12:39 Speaker 00 Okay.
12:40 Dr. John Delony? And if she says, alright, I'll tell you.
12:45 Dr. John Delony? You gotta be prepared for what comes.
12:48 Speaker 00 Uh, that, that's true, like, currently, uh, sorry, my throat got caught. Like, currently, I don't know if having that, if having that conversation would be, would be re-traumatized, re-traumatizing for me, or...
13:08 Dr. John Delony? Bro, listen to me, I don't think you're un-traumatized.
13:13 Dr. John Delony? I think you're a good old boy from Indianapolis, Indiana, and you are great at wallpaper and over stuff, cause we got work to do and we're gonna move on with our lives.
13:23 Speaker 00 A hundred percent.
13:24 Dr. John Delony? But that cancer's eating you from the inside out. I can hear it on you.
13:28 Speaker 00 Yeah, definitely.
13:30 Dr. John Delony? Secrets will kill you.
13:34 Dr. John Delony? And if you have a secret like question that you didn't ask, you're still rebuilding trust. You get to set the parameters for what trust rebuild looks like and she gets to opt in or out. You cannot just do like some church camp thing and burn a list on a candle and all the trust comes back. It's something you will rebuild over time and you can only rebuild it through action, day after day after day. It's like, it's like tearing a bicep and you go get it surgically repaired, the only way to make that thing strong again, and by the way, it can get real strong again. But you gotta lift weights
14:16 Dr. John Delony? every day and you gotta recover. And when it hurts, you gotta lean in and find out is that an injury or is that do I gotta work through that pain? It just, it doesn't just like, you don't just burn the, the, the surgical x-rays and, and MRIs and just go on your day. It's not how, it's not how healing works. And in many ways, I wonder if that, if that ceremony you did, I love the gesture. I think it's a beautiful gesture. But I wonder if it was as much for you as it was for her. You trying to force yourself to just forget about something without doing the work and the work is sitting across the table from her saying, here's what I need from you to reestablish trust. I need your phone password.
15:02 Speaker 00 It honestly was just as much for me as it was for her.
15:07 Dr. John Delony? Okay.
15:08 Speaker 00 Part of it, cause like, I know that, I mean, based on what I've seen, like, I know she has a guilty conscience about it still. And like, there's been, we had like a weekend long conversation about whether we was gonna stay together or not after this happened. And we ultimately decided that we would.
15:38 Speaker 00 And, um, and there was a time during that she offered me the chance to say anything crappy to her that I wanted to say and get it off my chest. And, um, I refused to, refused to call her names or anything like that. But I know there's been times over the last, last, well, particularly the first half of the year, like some of the things I wanted to say in that moment, well, they would just randomly pop out, randomly pop out in conversation out of nowhere.
16:14 Dr. John Delony? Sure. And, and I'll tell you, saying that stuff won't be cathartic. You know that.
16:18 Speaker 00 Right.
16:20 Dr. John Delony? That's just not who you are. You don't bad mouth women. That's just not who you are.
16:23 Speaker 00 Yeah.
16:24 Dr. John Delony? But that's not the catharsis that your body needs. I s- I, I think there's still two big, open wounds underneath all of this. One of them is, and the answer to the question, what really happened?
16:41 Speaker 00 A hundred percent.
16:43 Dr. John Delony? And, and
16:48 Dr. John Delony? can you forgive?
16:52 Dr. John Delony? Can you forgive you?
16:55 Dr. John Delony? For not seeing it, for missing it?
17:01 Speaker 00 Yeah, I guess, I guess that's something I have to work on because I feel like I've ninety percent forgiven her, but there's still like a ten percent
17:11 Dr. John Delony? That's right.
17:11 Speaker 00 nagging at me.
17:12 Dr. John Delony? And, and that ten percent is, listen, you can't just do this all in your head. If you have a tractor and the engine blows up, you can't think through how you're gonna fix it and expect the tractor to run.
17:26 Speaker 00 Right.
17:27 Dr. John Delony? So you can't just think your way to rebuilding trust. You gotta sit across the table and say, here's what I need. I need to see your phone every day for X number of weeks or months. I am randomly gonna have questions about what happened. I need you to be okay with me asking them. I need you to answer me honestly. I need you to open up, like, we're gonna go back to the, to the, I don't know, to the cloud and do retro for a year on any photos up there and see what photos might be. Like, like, I always wanna know those things.
18:02 Dr. John Delony? I'll look at our phone records, I mean at our hotel records and see if there were any like charges to a hotel like I I'm gonna reestablish trust you blew up the sidewalk. I'm gonna repour the sidewalk.
18:12 Speaker 00 I definitely think I should have took a more headstrong approach on this. Oh, well, what it is turning into almost a year ago.
18:23 Dr. John Delony? Yeah, and here we are. And here's what I would say. So when students used to come into my office and let's say like I had been reported something serious, sexual assault, drugs, like something, something major that was gonna alter their life, I would ask them, did you assault somebody? Here's what I got. Here's the details. Here's the report. And they would always answer, no, it wasn't me or sort of, but it wasn't what you think, whatever. At the end of that meeting, I always did this, always. Cause I was, not only was I was trying to keep people safe and get people to follow the rules, but I was trying to teach too. I always told people, hey, from this moment forward, I know this is hard.
19:04 Dr. John Delony? You have 24 hours or 48 hours, whatever it was to come back and change your story. And if you do that, I'm gonna count it as though it was today. Cause I know sometimes when you get scared and you just get called into an office and you just start spilling, you create a story, I get that, totally get that. You get 24, 48 hours. After that, if I find out a month from now or a year from now that you were lying in this moment, that will be worse, as bad or worse than whatever happened. And so I tell you that to tell you, I think it's fair to circle back and say, hey, I wanna do another, um, I've been working on it and I'm just amazed at how we're rebuilding some stuff.
19:48 Dr. John Delony? There are some questions I didn't ask a year ago that still haunt me and you own it, not you didn't show, I didn't push on stuff and I didn't ask questions because my world just got blew up. Um, I wanna spend a morning for breakfast just circling back and I'm just gonna ask you, just tell me the truth and um, I'm never gonna talk bad about you, but there's just some things that are haunting me.
20:14 Dr. John Delony? There's some things that are haunting me. And ask the questions. Don't make the accusations. Ask the questions that you need answers to. And you commit to doing the work. I am going to commit to not meditating on these pictures or these thoughts I have in my mind or whatever, because I'm choosing to stay with you. Or you find out, no, it was more than just a kiss.
20:38 Dr. John Delony? No, there was sexting involved. No, there was whatever. I talked bad about you in these texts too.
20:46 Dr. John Delony? And you gotta deal with what comes next.
20:49 Dr. John Delony? And there's a part of me that she's still covered up in guilt. Part of me wonders if she still has things unsaid. Unspoken. Truths left to be told. And I think putting that on the table and giving somebody an opportunity to safely say, here's, here's the whole truth now.
21:10 Dr. John Delony? Might be a gift.
21:12 Dr. John Delony? And there might be some things in that gift that you gotta deal with. I just, I just, I'm to a place now where I, I think underneath communication problems and infidelity and pornography, all these things, the things that destroy are the secrets.
21:27 Dr. John Delony? Lying in bed next to somebody and they know something, you know that they know something and nobody says anything about it. I think that's the cancer that ultimately destroys relationships.
21:39 Dr. John Delony? I think you're just worth the truth, brother. But if you decide it, you know the truth. You need to do the work in real time.
21:49 Dr. John Delony? Not meditating on those lightning bolts. She deserves that too. Thanks for the call, brother. We'll be right back.
21:57 Dr. John Delony? All right, let's go out to Minneapolis and talk to Jake. What's up Jake?
22:02 Speaker 00 Hey John, how's it going?
22:03 Dr. John Delony? Doing all right, brother. How are you?
22:05 Speaker 00 I'm doing good. I'm doing good.
22:07 Dr. John Delony? Excellent. What's up?
22:09 Speaker 00 Um, well, I have been having some trouble emotionally and mentally just dealing
22:17 Speaker 00 with the news of hearing that my girlfriend was assaulted sexually a few years ago.
22:23 Dr. John Delony? Jeez, man.
22:28 Dr. John Delony? Dude, that breaks my heart.
22:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, it breaks mine too.
22:32 Dr. John Delony? Yeah. I'm sorry, man.
22:38 Dr. John Delony? How long you all been together?
22:40 Speaker 03 Uh, going on six months now.
22:42 Dr. John Delony? Okay.
22:42 Speaker 03 And she's the most amazing girl that I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.
22:50 Dr. John Delony? How'd you find out? How'd she tell you?
22:52 Speaker 03 Um, well, I'd say about a month ago, um, we kinda came up with this thing where like once a month, we just talked about how we're doing, um, if there's anything that we need from the other person. And, um, I guess it was just something that was on her mind. Um, and she ended up telling me. And I took it in person, I took it fairly well. Um, but then once I got by myself and with my own thoughts, I just kinda spiraled.
23:23 Dr. John Delony? Yeah. Tell me about your spiraling.
23:27 Speaker 03 Um, well.
23:28 Dr. John Delony? Well, actually, let me back up. Let me solve that. How did you take it?
23:33 Speaker 03 Um, in the moment, uh, I was kinda more shocked. Um, she has told me before that she had been sexually assaulted. Um, never really went into detail. And I obviously wasn't gonna pry her for details that she didn't wanna tell me. Um, and then, so she ended up telling me. I was just kind of in shock. Um, just kinda listened and tried to understand the situation and where she was coming from and how it made her feel. Um, and then we kinda just resumed our night, uh, our movie night and kinda relaxed. And then once she took off, uh, just kinda went downhill.
24:11 Dr. John Delony? When, uh, when she left, yeah.
24:14 Speaker 03 Yep, yep.
24:22 Dr. John Delony? So, yeah, what have you been working through?
24:25 Speaker 03 Um, well, just kind of sometimes when it'll just pop into my mind and I'll just think about, you know, how scared she was, um, after it kind of happened and the scenario and also anger, of course, at, um, at whoever did it, um, and also at her friends for not really having her back or looking out for her.
24:54 Dr. John Delony? Yeah.
25:00 Dr. John Delony? Yeah, that's all right, man.
25:05 Dr. John Delony? Just a twisted ball of rage. Being angry is the right response right now.
25:10 Dr. John Delony? I think the biggest challenge is it's not her job to hold your anger, right?
25:16 Speaker 03 Right.
25:19 Dr. John Delony? So how can I help you, man? I'm sorry, dude, geez.
25:21 Speaker 03 I
25:22 Dr. John Delony? I'm sorry for her. I'm heartbroken for her. I'm heartbroken for everybody.
25:26 Speaker 03 I'm, I just, I don't really know how to like move past it. Um, I know it's always gonna be, I'm sure it's something that's gonna be in, that sticks with her for the rest of her life.
25:39 Dr. John Delony? Uh, I don't know about that. I mean, the story, the story, the experience, yeah, that's a part of her life. There's no question about that. Um,
25:51 Dr. John Delony? but healing is pretty extraordinary.
25:56 Dr. John Delony? Um, and the healing journeys are pretty extraordinary of women who've experienced some wild stuff, evil stuff.
26:07 Dr. John Delony? If you decide I can't be with you because this happened, you need to own that fully.
26:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm not at that point whatsoever.
26:16 Dr. John Delony? Okay.
26:17 Speaker 03 Like, I wanna be, I'd work through anything with her. And I know it's nothing that, she can't change. It was out of her control at the time. And I just wanna support her. And I know it's been years ago. And when I've talked to her about it, um, and kinda how I was feeling a little bit. And she was just like, hey, I'm fine. Like, it was three years ago. I'm okay. Um, I'm happy with you and everything like that. So I know she's gone through, she's gotten help and kinda worked through it. But it almost feels, it's like new, it's news to me. So it's almost like it just happened in some way. And, ah, I don't know.
27:02 Speaker 03 And I also have, I'm kinda struggling since hearing that. She was with some friends at the time when it happened. Uh, they didn't, they kinda just let her go. And, um, I kinda have that resentment towards her friends. Like, I don't trust them. Um, I don't really want her. I feel like if she goes, I'm totally okay with, like, she wants to go out for a girls' night and everything like that. But I don't trust that her friends will be looking out for her and protecting her. And I don't know how to kinda, I feel like I should tell her that, but I don't know.
27:43 Dr. John Delony? So let me, let me be as direct as I can with this, okay?
27:47 Speaker 03 Yep.
27:49 Dr. John Delony? She doesn't need you to be her dad.
27:53 Dr. John Delony? And she doesn't need you to come to the rescue and fight a fight that, that physically happened three years ago.
28:05 Dr. John Delony? And if you were my close buddy and you came to me, I would tell you to go back to her and hold both of her hands and say, "Hey, when you told me this terrifying scary thing," because what she was asking is, "Can I say this thing?" And are you gonna run? Because that, what happened to her, is so devastating. It's reorienting and it reshapes the way you experience the planet, everybody in it. And so, it's a testament to you that she felt safe enough to put it on the table. And when she immediately withdraws and says, "No, no, no, it's not a big deal, I'm fine, I'm over it." I would experience, like, again, I don't know your relationship, but I hear that as
28:50 Dr. John Delony? her saying, "Oh, you can't carry this." "That's fine, you can't anchor, you can't co-experience healing with me, but that's fine, that's cool, I'll keep doing this on my own." And so, I would coach you, I would encourage you to go hold both of her hands and look her in the eyes and say, "I didn't answer this right, I'm gonna re-answer this." I am not scared about what happened with you. And I want you to put your feet on the ground, whether you're sitting down or standing up when you talk to her, and I want you to imagine roots growing from your feet all the way to the center of the earth, and I want you to look at her and say, "I will be with you every single step of the way, next to you, behind you, in front of you, but you decide
29:34 Dr. John Delony? what happens next." Because when you go to a woman who's been assaulted, who wants to go back out with a group of friends a few years later, and you want to begin to say, "Whoa, whoa, you can't do that, those friends won't you..." What you implicitly say is, "You didn't get this the last time, you need somebody to guard you." Somehow, you played a role in this. Do you get what I'm saying? And I know that's not what you're meaning to do, but I just want to give you the 360-degree experience here.
30:05 Speaker 03 Yeah, I see what...
30:07 Dr. John Delony? You have to own how uncomfortable you... And be pissed at her friends, that sucks that they didn't show up for. But you have to own your discomfort, you can't hand your discomfort to her, you can't hand your anger and rage to her.
30:25 Dr. John Delony? And you have to go see a counselor and deal with your anger and rage. And by the way, you should be incredibly enraged. I've been the same woman for a quarter century. If I found out, if she sat down and was like, hey, I need to tell you this happened to me, I'd be right there with you.
30:45 Dr. John Delony? I would be enraged and wild and she gets to choose what counseling looks like. And she gets to choose what going to the authorities or not looks like. And she gets to choose that I don't want to do anything right now, but in a year from now, I might want to.
31:02 Dr. John Delony? And you experience your feet rooted to the center of the earth and you let her know.
31:10 Dr. John Delony? I'm not scared of the feelings, of the pain, of the hurt. I am rooted here with you.
31:22 Dr. John Delony? Do you get what I'm saying?
31:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, I do. I do. I just.
31:27 Dr. John Delony? It sounds like you feel powerless, helpless.
31:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
31:32 Dr. John Delony? And most men don't get to experience that feeling. Actually, they experience it all the time, but they wallpaper over it. I want you to hold it.
31:49 Dr. John Delony? You gotta grieve it.
31:51 Speaker 03 Yeah.
31:58 Speaker 03 I just, I just want everything.
32:02 Speaker 03 I just want to do everything for her. I'd want to protect her, take care of her, do everything. And just knowing that it's stupid to think, but like a part of me is like, damn, three years ago, like, what if I was there?
32:16 Dr. John Delony? That's not stupid. Why is that stupid?
32:20 Speaker 03 I don't know, like, because we didn't even know each other existed.
32:23 Dr. John Delony? Dude, you are just, you're a good man. And I think it's fair to hold her hands when you're telling her, hey, I'm not scared of this and I'm rooted here with you. And letting her know, I want to rescue you. I want to protect you. I don't want anyone to ever hurt you again. And
32:45 Dr. John Delony? you get to choose what happens next when it comes to healing here.
32:51 Dr. John Delony? And she will then exhale and know, okay, if I need to go to counseling, if I need to hug, if later on down the line, we're being intimate, I need to stop. If I need to go away to impatient for a while, or if I just need to tell a bunch of like crass jokes and be uncomfortable. He's rooted.
33:22 Dr. John Delony? If I need him to protect me from my, tell me not to go out with these stupid women again. I'll tell you, right? But she gets to decide that.
33:30 Speaker 03 Yeah.
33:33 Dr. John Delony? She doesn't need a dad, she needs, she needs an anchor point.
33:41 Dr. John Delony? And I, and I'm telling you this with all love in my heart. You can't fix what happened. What you can be is,
33:53 Dr. John Delony? you can be a powerful, strong support as she heals for the next however long.
34:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, I plan on doing that. I just haven't been, um, just when I get in my own head, um, I don't, I don't go to, I don't want to tell any of my friends. I feel like it's way too personal of a thing to.
34:20 Dr. John Delony? Yeah, it's her story to tell. It's her story to tell.
34:22 Speaker 03 And I don't want to talk to her as well because I don't want to bring it up. And because I know however I'm feeling, it was probably tenfold for her after that happened. And I don't want to bring that up and put her in that spot again.
34:36 Dr. John Delony? Yeah, but we're not going to compare grief. It's not a contest.
34:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:41 Dr. John Delony? Um, and I think you're right to not tell your buddies yet. That's, that's, that's her story to tell. And at some point, like, because your buddies, if this relationship keeps going, will have some shape, form or fashion to be her buddies, right? Um, but I can tell by the emotion, like, you need to go talk to a counselor, dude. Because there's also a powerlessness in this story that probably has roots in your own childhood, too.
35:14 Speaker 03 I never really thought about it that way.
35:17 Dr. John Delony? There's probably been other moments in your life when you were powerless.
35:22 Dr. John Delony? And the way many of us growing up, especially men, dealt with powerlessness is rage. Big chests, I will come for you.
35:34 Dr. John Delony? It's the fight part of fight or flight.
35:40 Dr. John Delony? And right now you're fighting ghosts because those three years ago, there was no one to fight.
35:46 Speaker 03 Right, right.
35:50 Dr. John Delony? An exercise, well, I don't give you an exercise yet. I got a couple of things I would do if you and I were working together long term, but I don't, you're not ready there. I want you to go talk to a counselor. And I want you to tell her, um, I want, I want to redo it. I want to redo that thing. It's haunting me that I didn't answer it the right way. I just let us watch a movie together after you put this big thing on the table and I want to redo. Can I have a redo? And she'll probably be like, you don't need a redo. I'm fine. But no, no, no, it's for me. Will you do this for me?
36:23 Speaker 03 Okay, okay.
36:25 Dr. John Delony? And I'm not scared and I'll be next to you, in front of you, behind you, underneath you. You decide what happens next, but I am rooted.
36:38 Dr. John Delony? And we will be on this adventure together wherever life takes us.
36:45 Dr. John Delony? And they may be finished with this sentence, you are safe with me.
36:55 Dr. John Delony? Cool?
36:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's all I want here, safe.
36:59 Dr. John Delony? Okay.
37:01 Dr. John Delony? She needs it. She needs a co-pilot. She needs a support system, not a father, not an instruction manual, not a, somebody to filter her decisions and not somebody who inadvertently communicates to her, if you had just done this, this and this, this wouldn't have happened. Like that's, we're not doing that. We're not doing that. I am an anchor point here. I'll go to counseling with you. I will drive you. I'll drop you off. I will sit with you for six months when you just can't go.
37:31 Dr. John Delony? I will choose to believe you when you say everything's all good. And then four months from now, when it's not good, I'm going to choose to hold you and love you.
37:41 Dr. John Delony? I am here.
37:48 Dr. John Delony? And she gets to decide what happens next.
37:53 Dr. John Delony? She's lucky to have you, my brother. She's lucky to have you. Blessings to you. Call anytime. We'll be right back.
38:02 Dr. John Delony? All right, let's go out to Dallas, Texas and talk to Jane. Hey Jane, what's going on?
38:08 Speaker 04 Hi, Dr. John. How are you?
38:09 Dr. John Delony? I'm all right. How about you?
38:11 Speaker 04 I'm blessed. I'm hanging in there.
38:13 Dr. John Delony? Very good. What's up?
38:16 Speaker 04 All right, so I'm 19. I just got married five months ago.
38:21 Dr. John Delony? That a girl. 19, huh?
38:23 Speaker 04 Yes.
38:24 Dr. John Delony? Excellent.
38:25 Speaker 04 I'm incredibly nervous, so I'm just gonna stumble through this here.
38:28 Dr. John Delony? Oh, you don't, yeah, don't be nervous, but I know that's like saying like, uh, don't have brown hair like that's you can't help that. So just be as nervous as you want to be.
38:38 Speaker 04 All right, so my husband has been struggling with some digestive health issues that have kept him from eating, kept him from keeping the food down that he does eat. And so he's extremely malnourished and underweight. Um, to provide just a 30 second background, we're both coming off of some pretty heavy childhood trauma. Um, on my end, my dad is a disabled veteran with PTSD and a cancer survivor. So I've always kind of taken on a caregiver role and doctors and hospitals have just been a complete constant in my life. And I kind of thought I was stepping out of that. And now my husband's dealing with this health, health concern.
39:17 Speaker 04 So, um, the problem is I've been in panic mode trying to get him to do all the steps he needs to take and heal. But he just kind of seems disinterested, like he's given up on himself. He's very hesitant to follow the doctor's diet. Um, or see personal counseling because the doctors have told us that it stems from his severe anxiety. Um, so my question is, how can I help him to see the importance of his health when it feels like he's already given up?
39:52 Dr. John Delony? You've had a rough go of it, sister?
40:00 Dr. John Delony? Are you tired?
40:03 Speaker 04 I'm, I'm really tired.
40:09 Dr. John Delony? And the men in your life are in pain, huh?
40:13 Speaker 04 Yeah, and, you know, my husband is amazing and, but, he also struggles with some anger stuff, just like my dad did. And so I guess when I got married so young and left the house, I kind of thought that I was getting out of that situation.
40:29 Dr. John Delony? No, you ju- you ju- we marry our unfinished business, as they say.
40:34 Speaker 04 Yeah.
40:35 Dr. John Delony? We marry our unfinished business. And that's a nerdy way of saying, your body has been trying to solve your father for a long time,
40:47 Dr. John Delony? and it just moved that puzzle over to this new guy.
40:52 Speaker 04 Yeah.
40:53 Dr. John Delony? And I'll ask you, were you ever able to solve your dad?
41:00 Speaker 04 No.
41:00 Dr. John Delony? No.
41:01 Speaker 04 I mean, things have gotten better between us, but...
41:04 Dr. John Delony? Leave it there for a second and sit in that. Because that hurts to say out loud.
41:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:12 Dr. John Delony? Because there's a nine-year-old little girl wondering why your dad keeps drinking, and why your dad's so mad,
41:19 Dr. John Delony? and why your dad is banging the cabinets in the middle of the night when you're trying to sleep, scared to death out of your mind, trying to hide under your covers, right?
41:28 Speaker 04 Yes.
41:28 Dr. John Delony? Yeah. That was, you should not have experienced that as a little girl, I'm sorry.
41:37 Dr. John Delony? And the way your body tried to solve that was by learning everything from every doctor and every medical textbook and every Google search you could find.
41:48 Dr. John Delony? Because you were going to solve and figure out what was wrong with dad.
41:53 Dr. John Delony? And I'm telling you right now, as a little girl, that wasn't your job, and I'm sorry that you had to take that on.
42:02 Dr. John Delony? It's exhausting. You should have been out playing with your friends and being ridiculous and going on dates and listening to Taylor Swift and just being silly. And instead you were a home healthcare nurse to somebody who didn't want your help, right?
42:17 Speaker 04 Right.
42:18 Dr. John Delony? Where's mom in all this?
42:20 Speaker 04 Um, she had to have a full-time job during most of that time and I was homeschooled, so I was just in the house all day, every day.
42:29 Dr. John Delony? So you were trapped inside of your own home with a bear?
42:35 Speaker 04 Yeah.
42:35 Dr. John Delony? Yeah. I'm sorry.
42:40 Speaker 04 Thank you.
42:42 Dr. John Delony? Can I tell you something that's gonna sound weird?
42:45 Speaker 04 Okay.
42:46 Dr. John Delony? Um, the way your nervous system is probably tuned up,
42:53 Dr. John Delony? peace will feel like stress for you.
42:59 Speaker 04 It's interesting that you say that because every time things start to feel okay, I feel like something's about to happen, if that makes sense?
43:08 Dr. John Delony? It's the shoe gonna drop syndrome. That's not the technical term for it, but that's what I call it. And often, waiting for the shoe to drop syndrome people, they run around and start whacking shoes out of people's hands just to go ahead and let them drop now.
43:25 Dr. John Delony? And they cause problems where there's not any. Is that fair?
43:29 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's fair.
43:30 Dr. John Delony? Okay. You're not broken, okay? There's not something quote-unquote "wrong" with you. Your body's just trying to navigate a mess.
43:40 Dr. John Delony? And then you married a guy. What's his digestive challenges? Does he have Crohn's or also have colitis? What has he got?
43:46 Speaker 04 Um, they thought that, but the test came back and said that he has gastritis and IBS and that they're only so severe because of his anxiety.
43:54 Dr. John Delony? Yeah, he's got, yeah, he's got psychosomatic challenges. Where's his anxiety stemmed from?
44:01 Speaker 04 Well, um, his, his mom left in his high school years and his dad is diagnosed bipolar.
44:07 Dr. John Delony? Oh geez.
44:08 Speaker 04 So, yeah, he was not at peace at home either.
44:11 Dr. John Delony? Yeah, no kidding. Right, so an electric fence met an electric fence and y'all felt in, y'all fell in love, right?
44:18 Speaker 04 Yeah.
44:20 Dr. John Delony? Um, this is gonna sound like a strange invasive question, and you don't have to answer it if you don't want to, but, um, what does, um, physical intimacy look like with you guys?
44:35 Dr. John Delony? Is it constant? Is it a safe place? Is it nonexistent?
44:40 Speaker 04 It, it's becoming more of a safe place. At the start of our marriage, it was feeling nonexistent, um, because I had so much anxiety around it, like, is everything gonna go perfect? And he kind of felt that for me, and he was feeling sick all the time, so it was physically challenging for him.
45:00 Dr. John Delony? Hmm.
45:00 Speaker 04 Um, so that has been a struggle for us.
45:02 Dr. John Delony? Okay.
45:05 Dr. John Delony? How long have y'all been married?
45:08 Speaker 04 Um, five months.
45:09 Dr. John Delony? Okay. Can I let you in on a secret about being married?
45:12 Speaker 04 Sure.
45:13 Dr. John Delony? Nothing goes perfectly. Nothing.
45:20 Dr. John Delony? Even the greatest night of sex will have weird stuff to it. Sounds, smells, all of it. Even the most romantic date in the world will be weird, or more expensive than you thought, or the waiter will look at you funny.
45:32 Dr. John Delony? It's just the way it is.
45:35 Dr. John Delony? And I'm telling you that as someone who also is an anxious person,
45:40 Dr. John Delony? where I found healing and peace was by opening my hand up and letting go.
45:45 Speaker 04 Hmm.
45:46 Dr. John Delony? Cause I was trying to control every variable, cause controlling every variable felt like that was gonna keep me safe in a world that feels out of control.
45:55 Speaker 04 Yeah.
45:55 Dr. John Delony? And we end up doing a squeeze in so tight you suffocate.
46:01 Dr. John Delony? Now here's why, if you go back and listen to all the questions I've asked you, I haven't one time told you or given you anything on how you can quote unquote convince your husband to take care of himself.
46:17 Dr. John Delony? Because here's the demon: you can't.
46:23 Dr. John Delony? And until you drop your shoulders and weep bitterly into that reality,
46:31 Dr. John Delony? you're never gonna be able to take a full breath because your chest is gonna be so tight all the time.
46:40 Speaker 04 I just, I get scared because he's
46:43 Dr. John Delony? I know.
46:44 Speaker 04 He's sitting right above the lethal BMI for men now and they're telling him that he has to do something right now.
46:50 Dr. John Delony? I know, but do you realize there's an electric fence talking to an electric fence?
46:55 Speaker 04 Yeah.
46:59 Dr. John Delony? I think the greatest gift you can give him right now is peace.
47:08 Dr. John Delony? And the only way you can give something that you don't have is you gotta go get it. And so,
47:18 Dr. John Delony? the guy who trained me, Dr. Young, you can go back and listen to the episode, I actually had him on my show, he's one of my heroes.
47:26 Dr. John Delony? He used to train, one of the core training sentiments he always gave us was calm is contagious.
47:35 Dr. John Delony? And in your home, if every sexual encounter, every touchstone, I don't even say sexual encounter, but every physical interaction is electric, is performance-based, this has to go right or else,
47:49 Dr. John Delony? you'll starve each other of the thing you need most, which is peace in each other.
47:55 Dr. John Delony? And if every meal, you're counting every bite and every calorie, your husband will know every time he sits down to do something as silly as eat a meal, he is in front of a stage of thousands.
48:08 Dr. John Delony? And his body will go to fight, or flight, or freeze.
48:17 Dr. John Delony? And so there's something horrifying about making peace with somebody making their choices.
48:26 Dr. John Delony? And also strangely, that's the only way, when someone is just double over in anxiety,
48:33 Dr. John Delony? it's the only way they can begin to slowly exhale, is peace, putting out fires one by one by one.
48:43 Dr. John Delony? And so the thing that kept you safe as a kid, knowing every doctor appointment, talking to every doctor, knowing every medication, knowing all the AM pills and the PM pills, that will destroy your adult marriage.
49:00 Dr. John Delony? Because your husband doesn't need a mom, he just needs a safe place to land.
49:07 Dr. John Delony? And you haven't been married very long, you don't know how to do that. I've been married forever, I'm still learning how to do that.
49:15 Dr. John Delony? Right? And as soon as I think I've got what safe space means, my wife, she changes. She reads new books, she has new experiences, she has new spiritual insights, whatever, she changes. So I gotta reestablish what safety means. It's been just, and vice versa, right?
49:31 Dr. John Delony? And so the beauty of marriage is you don't just get it, set it and forget it. It's a constantly evolving, amazing thing. How can I love you today?
49:41 Dr. John Delony? And the only thing I ask of you is to tell me the truth. You have to promise to tell me the truth. And if the greatest thing I can do to love you today is to not bother you about what you're eating, okay.
49:52 Dr. John Delony? But I'm still making dinner, I'm gonna have something out here that's safe and it's delicious.
49:59 Dr. John Delony? And then at some point, you need to make the decision.
50:04 Dr. John Delony? I can't be in here and watch you long tail, they call it long tail suicide. I can't watch you just slowly wither away until you don't exist anymore.
50:14 Speaker 04 Yeah.
50:16 Dr. John Delony? And that's a boundary I'm gonna draw. I choose to not watch you die.
50:25 Dr. John Delony? And unfortunately, unless there's some diagnostic, like diagnosable psychiatric challenges, it's hard to get a hospital to take away somebody's civil rights and commit them involuntarily, right?
50:38 Speaker 04 Trust me, I've looked into it.
50:41 Dr. John Delony? I know you have, especially in Texas. And so, it's tough. It's tough. Does he say he's not hungry? Does he say he doesn't want to deal with his anxiety? What's his response to that?
50:57 Speaker 04 He says he's hungry, but that it'll just hurt if he eats or if he doesn't, and so he doesn't want to deal with it.
51:07 Dr. John Delony? Ah, okay. Have they given him medications to help the pain?
51:11 Speaker 04 Yeah, and they're not super effective, and if he sticks with the one he's on now, it'll be the first time he's actually stuck through with one long-term, so I think that's another thing.
51:23 Dr. John Delony? And so, that might be a conversation you guys have? With, "Hey, I want to commit to two things: skin-on-skin contact. It's going to hold you. It doesn't have to be sexual. It's going to, we're going to, like, and it's a way to down-regulate your nervous system. Brings peace. It's going to hold your foot." And by the way, I'm an anxious guy. I'm spun up a lot. Without even saying anything now, and I've been with the same person for, like I said, a quarter-century, a long time, but I can be somewhere, and I will just gently feel my wife's hand on my arm.
52:00 Speaker 04 Hmm.
52:01 Dr. John Delony? Or she'll just grab my thumb. Or put her hand under the table on my knee. And it's just a reminder to me to drop my shoulders. There's something magic about skin-on-skin. Or, hold his face for 10, 20, 30 seconds. Put your forehead on his forehead, and just be still there. And if y'all commit to asking each other, "How can I love you today?", and he goes first and tells you, and you respond to him, "You can love me today by taking your medication."
52:37 Speaker 04 Hmm.
52:38 Dr. John Delony? Even when you don't want to, that's a gift to me. You can love me today by doing what your doctor said.
52:52 Dr. John Delony? And you, as a newlywed, have to deal with or live in the reality that he might say, "Nah, I'm not gonna love you like that." Whew, that's hard. That's hard to hear, right?
53:04 Speaker 04 Yeah.
53:06 Dr. John Delony? But often, that's a way of frame it as a partner, as a romantic interest, as someone who is ride or die, you and me versus the world.
53:15 Dr. John Delony? Showing up and telling somebody, "You need to eat, you need to take your pills, and you need to do this," that's just another parent telling them something that, "I'm not gonna, I'm not doing that."
53:28 Dr. John Delony? So in one way, I feel like I'm telling you it's like, you're kind of powerless. In another way, I'm telling you the strength and power you have will come from the inside out, will become from peace, and it'll become from love, and it'll become from connection, not rules and rules and finger pointing.
53:49 Dr. John Delony? Do you hear that?
53:51 Speaker 04 Yeah, and when I'm in that situation and I'm feeling scared and anxious, I know that I come off as angry because of that frustration, and I know that sets him off and makes things worse.
54:03 Dr. John Delony? Hold on, whoa, no, no, no, no. He gets to choose that too.
54:07 Dr. John Delony? I want to empower you both.
54:10 Dr. John Delony? You get to look at your husband and say,
54:14 Dr. John Delony? "When you choose to do things behaviorally that I know that the doctors told us are hurting you, I get to be upset about that. I have permission to be angry and heartbroken about that."
54:27 Dr. John Delony? And he gets to choose whether he reacts to that.
54:33 Dr. John Delony? But the language in your house of, "You're making me, and you're making me," it's not true. It's just passing the buck.
54:41 Dr. John Delony? You get to choose anger. You get to choose frustration. You get to choose heartbreak when the man you love, the man that promised you "Till death do us part, ride or die," is like, "Nah, I'm not gonna take my meds.
54:54 Dr. John Delony? I'm not gonna do what the doctor said.
54:57 Dr. John Delony? I'm not gonna go to counseling with you.
55:00 Dr. John Delony? I don't want to address my anxiety."
55:03 Dr. John Delony? You get to be sad about that. It'd be weird if you weren't, right?
55:08 Speaker 04 Yeah.
55:09 Dr. John Delony? Yeah.
55:15 Dr. John Delony? And just know your body's running a program. It's seen this before with your dad. A man that you loved, a man you were constantly asking, "What am I not doing for you to get well and for you to love me?" And I want you to hear me say, "It's not about you." With him, with your dad, and it's not about you with your husband. They both have demons that they have to decide, "I want to heal." And for you, somebody that's been trying so hard to be seen, of being worthy of being loved, I want you to hear me say, "You are, you are, you are, you are."
55:59 Speaker 04 Mentally, you know, I can know that it's their choice, but it still just feels like if I figure out the right code, the right sequence of words, then things would be different.
56:09 Dr. John Delony? They won't, I know. I say this with a smile on my face, you don't have that kind of power. This is never about information, they both know.
56:24 Speaker 04 Yeah.
56:26 Dr. John Delony? That's why I think the only path is peace, the only path is love. The only path is boundaries. So I think, I think beginning, like just starting today, I'm gonna send you a copy of Building a Non-Anxious Life. I'm gonna send you two, one for you and one for him. And I want you to ask him, "One of the ways you can love me is I want to read this book together." This is a goofball podcast that I listen to. This guy's silly, but will you read it with me? This would be a neat way you could love me. And maybe let him know, "I've been hassling you about diet, I've been hassling you about these things. I'm gonna stop, because it's not working,
57:08 Dr. John Delony? and I want to be your wife, not your mom. But I love you to the moon and back. I love you more than life itself, and I get to be heartbroken when I'm watching you act in some of these ways."
57:25 Dr. John Delony? And I'm gonna work on me. I'm gonna work on finding and practicing peace. I've never had that in my life, ever, and I'm gonna practice that now. Because I'm tired of practicing fighting and solving and electrocuting everybody.
57:40 Dr. John Delony? And Jane, I want you to commit to going to see a counselor, okay?
57:45 Speaker 04 Okay.
57:47 Dr. John Delony? There is healing from your anxiety. And it might be that your husband begins to feel
57:54 Dr. John Delony? peace in his life, and he begins to say, "Oh, I want that. I want that."
58:04 Dr. John Delony? And I want y'all to start each day and end each day with some Skin on Skin contact. I want you to start each day and end each day with "How Can I Love You Today?"
58:12 Dr. John Delony? Okay?
58:15 Dr. John Delony? Does that work?
58:17 Speaker 04 Yes. Yeah, that works. And I've been meaning to get the Non-Anxious Life book, so I'm excited.
58:23 Dr. John Delony? I'll send you two copies, one for you and one for him, okay? I want y'all to both read it. And I want you to call anytime. But this is serious enough for you and for him that I want you to get some professional counseling and therapy. Put it in your budget, figure it out. Don't go out to eat, whatever. But I want you to go get some professional help. You've been through the wringer. Your body's tired, and you're only 19. You have a wild, rambunctious life left to live. He does, too.
58:52 Dr. John Delony? This isn't something that's gonna be solved on a YouTube show or a podcast. You need to go get some professional help. I believe in you. Thank you so, so much for the call.
59:02 Dr. John Delony? Call anytime, Jane. And if you want to, your husband can call also, or if he wants to, he can call, too. We'll be right back.
59:11 Dr. John Delony? All right, we're back. Kelly, what are the lyrics, like? "If you look, you can look, you can still find it."
59:17 Speaker 02 "Time after time" by Cyndi Lauper?
59:19 Dr. John Delony? I know this part where it goes, "Time after time." What are the other words? "If you look to the ma, I will be waiting."
59:27 Speaker 02 See, that's all I remember, "Time after time."
59:30 Dr. John Delony? I'm just guessing that's the most important part of the song. It's the time after time part.
59:34 Speaker 02 It's called "Time After Time" and that's the chorus, so I'm guessing.
59:37 Dr. John Delony? A little bit on the nose there. A little bit on the nose.
59:38 Speaker 02 A bit. But I...
59:40 Dr. John Delony? Or "Satellite..."
59:43 Speaker 02 I don't remember.
59:44 Dr. John Delony? You a Dave Matthews fan?
59:46 Speaker 02 No.
59:47 Dr. John Delony? You're such a liar. She has the DMB tattooed right across, right above her belly button. And trust me, she wears midriff.
59:54 Speaker 02 I thought you said I had thug life above my belly button already.
59:56 Dr. John Delony? No, thug life's like a little bit higher, like right above your rib cage. And if you didn't walk around in jean shorts and sports bras all the time, we wouldn't know that. But that's how she rolls here. Alright, hey, check this out. This is awesome. "The 50 Days of Christmas Deals." This is a way to actually buy gifts for people that are gonna contribute to their life and not end up in the trash. So, check it out. "Questions for Humans, Couples On Sale, 12 Bucks." 12 bucks. Basically giving them away. And "Building a Non-Anxious Life, 30% Off." Nothing says "I love you" like buying a gift for somebody about living an anxious life. And you can be like, "Um, maybe you could take 30 or 40% off your life." And here's the book to do so. Nothing says like, "You know what, husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend,
1:00:41 Dr. John Delony? you know what? I love you so much and you're a little bit spun up." Here's a book just for you. So, where do they go? RamseySolutions.com/store. RamseySolutions.com/store. 50 Days of Christmas, because why not? Hooking you up. Thank you guys for being with us. "Satellite in my eyes." It's Dave Matthews, dude. You know this. Don't play coy.
1:01:07 Speaker 02 I'm not a jam band type of girl, so they definitely qualify as that. I mean, I'm fine with like ants marching, but I saw them in concert. They opened for somebody and it was like three songs in an hour. And it was just not my thing.
1:01:21 Dr. John Delony? It was enough to send you straight to the tattoo parlor, so it struck a chord with you somehow, some way. She keeps coming up with... Every single day. Peace out, y'all. Love you.
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