Losing Your Mind w/ Chris O'Connor!

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Chris O'Connor! You know Chris O'Connor from Stand Up Comedy, Stuff Island podcast, Look at Dish, Tires, Gilly and Keeves, Matt & Shanes Secret Podcast, Kill Tony, You Be Trippin' podcast, Bein' Ian with Jordan, PITM podcast and so much more! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Rocket Money: Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE Promo Code: Garbage Helix Sleep: Go to https://helixsleep.com/garbage for 20% Off Sitewide. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Gang, we're heading down to shore, Atlantic City. Tickets are on sale right now for the Hard Rock Casino in Atlantic City for the Back on the Block Tour. Grab the squad, come out and see us this July. You know you'll want to.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, Friday, July 10th, 8 p.m. The boys are gonna be in Atlantic City.

• 0:18H. Foley?

  Semitide!

• 0:19Speaker 01

  Baby, we got some stand-up, we got some live AYG. This sold out last year, so get your tickets early, because if you snooze, you lose. We love you, we'll see you there.

• 0:26H. Foley?

  See you there. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to Everybody's Favorite Podcast. This is Are You Garbage? It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're good to be classy, or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash! I'm your host, Sage Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day out back here at Tooties and the New Edition. She is definitely not on drugs.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:51H. Foley?

  My co-host, from right next to me, he is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman. Let me tell you something right now, you sons of bitches, he's my best pal in the whole wide world, and I love him.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Chris O'Connor.

• 1:01H. Foley?

  Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  What? Okay, shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate and review, subscribe. On iTunes, full video available, on YouTube, full video available, over there on Spotify, and the boys are climbing the charts. Top 50, top 50.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  That's pretty fucking good.

• 1:17H. Foley?

  Spotify hit me with a fucking playlist today. It could have been the prom. It was fantastic.

• 1:23Speaker 02

  Every once in a while, they get it right.

• 1:25H. Foley?

  Get it real.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Every once in a while, they get it right.

• 1:27H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:28Speaker 02

  A lot of times, they don't.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  More than 11. Check out Patreon.com.

• 1:34H. Foley?

  Half the time, they're right, and half the time, they're wrong.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  No, it's not half.

• 1:37H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  You know when you pick a song, and you're like, just feed me songs like this?

• 1:41H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  And they just feed you songs like by bands that are close to that, and it's just like, dude...

• 1:46Speaker 01

  I don't like, yeah, give me the song, not the band.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Yes, I want this vibe, and I want it non-stop. I don't want you to...

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:54H. Foley?

  Non-stop, baby. Every once in a while lately, I've been going, Alexa, play this, and she'll hit me with the, this isn't on this. Yeah, to get that, you have to, I mean, what are you talking, I got the full package, bitch. What are you doing?

• 2:05Speaker 01

  You would be asking for stuff you don't got.

• 2:07Speaker 02

  I'm kinda down with it, dude. I'm, I'm, I'm ready for the revolution to have everyone take their shit off Spotify, off everything and just have to buy.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  That's not getting crazy.

• 2:15H. Foley?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 2:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, let's go back.

• 2:18H. Foley?

  We'll be right back and guess who won't be here.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  I'm kinda into it. I'm kinda into it.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  Crazy. Cut that, cut that. Shut that up. Top 50, cut that.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  I saw Joe DeRosa buy a cassette the other day and I went, it's pretty good.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Okay. Well, you and Joe DeRosa can do whatever the fuck you two want. Joe DeNoska. You two can do whatever the fuck you wanna do.

• 2:37H. Foley?

  You two go get your cassette tapes in your lunch meat and go have a good time and leave the rest of us.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  You don't have a cassette anywhere in Tuddy's? I'm telling you, you should open one of those things up. Look at the liner notes. I'm telling you, it's gonna move you.

• 2:50H. Foley?

  I gotta fast forward to songs?

• 2:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, slow it down. Slow it down.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  Hey, jerk off, you showed up here with an iPad, okay? Fucking, don't fucking get on your high horse and start talking shit to me. You showed up with a pair of readers and an iPad.

• 3:04H. Foley?

  Chris O'Connor, ladies and gentlemen.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  Little man, Chris O'Connor in the building.

• 3:08H. Foley?

  Now, thank God you're, your apple juice was missing, which is weird.

• 3:15H. Foley?

  Why did you show up here with an iPad?

• 3:21Speaker 02

  I have been eating applesauce in the morning.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  What?

• 3:24Speaker 02

  Just to go, like to go applesauce. Dude, it's so good.

• 3:29H. Foley?

  Applesauce is alright.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  Applesauce, have you got, do you have them in the house?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  No, I don't have. You got a baby, huh?

• 3:37Speaker 02

  You're so, you're so good.

• 3:41H. Foley?

  You don't talk about it, right?

• 3:42Speaker 01

  I like to keep them for company, you know what I mean?

• 3:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, the green bag, the green, like, space bag of applesauce.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  No.

• 3:47H. Foley?

  Wait, that's what you're eating?

• 3:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude.

• 3:48H. Foley?

  Wait, you're eating baby food?

• 3:49Speaker 01

  Like the pouch, you're eating pouches?

• 3:51Speaker 02

  It's applesauce, it's what?

• 3:52Speaker 01

  Are you eating like the pouches with the little screw top? That's baby food. Yeah, they're pouch, that's baby food.

• 3:57Speaker 02

  No, it's applesauce.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  Both brand.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 4:01H. Foley?

  Baby love?

• 4:04Speaker 02

  It's green. It's all green. Go-go squeeze.

• 4:08H. Foley?

  No.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's a go-go squeeze.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  That's baby food, dude.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  No, it's not.

• 4:11H. Foley?

  It's not, not.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Buddy, I gave some, I gave that, but it was beef.

• 4:14H. Foley?

  Wait, hold on a second. O'Connor, are you an astronaut? Are you on the Artemis 2 rocket right now? Then that's fucking baby food.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, solidarity with my boys up there. And my lady.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're eating.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Apple sauce is so good, and let me tell you something, it cured a hangover once.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Better, better than a liquid IV.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  Also great for colic.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  You got runny stools.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, measles is going around again. A couple applesauce is in there.

• 4:44H. Foley?

  You're doing the leg stretches to get your gas.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  You're telling me you don't like an applesauce?

• 4:47Speaker 01

  I do, yeah, I don't.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  An ice cold applesauce?

• 4:50Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 4:51H. Foley?

  Out of a cup with a spoon, like an adult, yes.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  A cup and a spoon?

• 4:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, it comes in a cup.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  That's crazy, dude. Suck it right out of the bag, yeah.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  Where are you getting these, though?

• 5:02Speaker 02

  Ah, my lady gets them. I think I said I liked them once.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  She work at a nursery or something?

• 5:07H. Foley?

  She bring them from school?

• 5:10H. Foley?

  The hospital she works at? Wow. Now, please.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  What were we talking about?

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Your iPad.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  Cassette.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  No, we're talking about your iPad. No bag or anything, you rolled in like you were.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  It's got a case on it.

• 5:23H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's the way, that's the way old men carry them.

• 5:25Speaker 02

  I know, I know.

• 5:26H. Foley?

  Old men that read them at airports, that's the way they carry them.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  They, they look down over their glasses, they see what group's born.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  Dude, I, yeah, I, I got the writing utensil.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Are you doing, are you drawing and stuff?

• 5:36Speaker 02

  I've been trying to, yeah.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  What, really?

• 5:38Speaker 02

  Right now, I'm just watching tutorials and, and checking out brushes.

• 5:41H. Foley?

  About what?

• 5:42Speaker 02

  I don't know. I don't know, I'm just trying to, I'm trying to slow it down.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  Trying to slow.

• 5:46H. Foley?

  Slow what down?

• 5:46Speaker 02

  Just trying to, it all, it all.

• 5:47H. Foley?

  Speed it up.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  No, no, it all needs to slow down.

• 5:50H. Foley?

  I'm gonna get a little work done, huh?

• 5:54Speaker 02

  Well, that's, that's, we're gonna ramp it back up.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  You gotta slow it down first. You don't wanna, you don't wanna hit max speed too quick for too long. You're gonna blow out your engine on that.

• 6:03H. Foley?

  I'm gonna quiet them out for about six months with a little bit of a still life painting. And I'm gonna really attack it.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude. Yeah.

• 6:10H. Foley?

  You just need to put an hour together.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  It was bumming me out, it was bumming me out that I was looking, I was, I was staring at the, uh, like the little paint app.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  On the iPad.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  And I, and I, and I, I was like, you know, I don't even know how to like have fun in this. You know?

• 6:25Speaker 01

  Sure. So you're learning.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  Yeah. Like, I'm so insecure about painting and drawing.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  You should be. Also, you're not, I don't wanna be like, you know, bully, whatever, I wanna be inclusive. We gotta draw the line somewhere, you should be fucking real self-conscious about your art.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  Whatever happened to play, you know?

• 6:45Speaker 01

  What?

• 6:46H. Foley?

  What, like recess?

• 6:47Speaker 02

  I'm dude, I'm, I'm down bad.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Somebody put this kid in a pack and play.

• 6:54H. Foley?

  I tell you what, I'll come over every day for an hour.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:56H. Foley?

  I'll take you out and do a little kickball, then, then get back in the office.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  That'd be nice.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Get back in the office.

• 7:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, you shitting on me about applesauce, you wanna play kickball? Oh, fuck.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Throw a couple pitches.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  I think, I think it's funny, you think he's really leaving the house.

• 7:13H. Foley?

  We'll do it over video.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  What are you, what are you doing with your time? You're just looking at social media?

• 7:16Speaker 01

  That's a great question. That's a great question. Hey, Chris. Thanks for bringing that up. More to Levin.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, what are you, what are you doing with your time? Look, you got the, you got the analog pen and paper. Get an iPad going.

• 7:30H. Foley?

  No.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude.

• 7:31H. Foley?

  My guy's got a laptop.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  He did.

• 7:33H. Foley?

  Six months ago.

• 7:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's a different vibe.

• 7:36H. Foley?

  I haven't opened it.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  He opened it once and he went down, he was like, yeah, how does it work? I go to YouTube? And I've never seen, he went to YouTube and there's, he had never gone to anything. So it was just a completely brand new computer, not logged, he had a, it was YouTube, the home screen was blank, it didn't have nothing, nothing to suggest him. Cause it had no input.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  That's nice, looking at a raw YouTube.

• 7:57H. Foley?

  I use YouTube unsigned in most of the time.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  Really?

• 8:02H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  I actually kinda like that.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  I don't think he's got an account.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Yes, I do. I'm gonna have an account. I'm gonna have an account. I'm on YouTube. I don't have an account. Are you garbage? Dude, I've been saying this for a while, but you should be able to multiply your algorithm times like negative one. You know, give me the opposite. Give me the opposite of whatever you think I like.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  And who have you been saying this to?

• 8:26Speaker 02

  This is my iPad. Been writing it down in the iPad. Couple old Greek guys with Dunkin' Donuts?

• 8:31Speaker 01

  Got a couple of cartoons to go along with.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  My pain about it, yeah.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  When did you make the iPad purchase? Cause that, you know, you're a, you know, listen, you're a mover and shaker in the industry. You're, you know what I mean? You're a self-employed, you're a touring comic, you're an actor, Netflix, tires, the whole nine.

• 8:50Speaker 02

  Artist now?

• 8:51Speaker 01

  But, when did?

• 8:54Speaker 01

  I've hung out with a lot of con- I've never seen anybody break out the iPad.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  I got the iPad a long time ago and then I didn't really use it and now I'm like, you know what dude? It's fucking bullshit that you bought this and you're not fucking using it. How about you fucking? Well, you're not retired. What? You're not a retired man or a 12 year old. I know, but I wanna, I wanna be one of those.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  He's playing videos with the volume all the time.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  What would you be doing with? I don't know, man. Do you have a laptop? I heard, what? Yeah, I have a laptop. Yeah, I got it all going. I use the laptop, but then, when you're trying to like think of stuff, like this position is not as good as this.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  Something about holding a pen, yes. See how much better your brain, yeah, yeah. So far I've written down your name. So if you had a computer open, you'd be a mess.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  It's very true.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  Yeah. You know? I don't do computers. Exactly. I just don't know. The iPad, it's a, it's a- I think about them. It's an in-between. It could get you into computer. You wanna be, you wanna use a computer someday? No, I don't.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Kippy's a mess right now.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  Why not?

• 9:51Speaker 01

  He's starting to make sense and I hate, the more that he talks about shit that I hate, no. You never made sense. The more that he talks about shit that I disagree with, I go, he kinda gets me there. We're unfortunately very much alike.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  I know.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  And I don't like it.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  I know, I know, I know.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  It's like everything, everything you hate staring back at you.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  Same quiet rage.

• 10:08H. Foley?

  Since I've turned 50, any of that like, you know, future stuff or like what I thought I was gonna do?

• 10:14Speaker 02

  It's an iPad, it's the past now.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  It's true. That's like a cassette.

• 10:18H. Foley?

  I'm never gonna learn to type. I'm never gonna do this, I'm never gonna do that.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  Why not?

• 10:22H. Foley?

  And I'm not gonna be a computer guy. It's not gonna be, in five, you're not gonna see me like, eh, doing my thing.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Dude, get busy living or get busy dying, man. It's fucking, no, you gotta...

• 10:30H. Foley?

  I just know, listen, I just know what I'm not gonna try to do. All the shit that I thought you'd do, dang it.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  What are you gonna try to do then?

• 10:39Speaker 01

  It's a good point. I'd love to hear this list of stuff. You are, I, I, you're telling us what you're not focusing on. What are you focusing on?

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Score chicks.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  But roads.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  Dude, that'll come, dude. That'll...

• 10:51Speaker 01

  That'll come with the iPad. Wait till you get an iPad, get on back page. These broads are gonna be all over you. I mean, fighting them off with a stick.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  You gotta learn to paint, man. Dude, I, I'm telling you, man. I'm telling you. You, you learn to use a computer...

• 11:03H. Foley?

  What are you telling us?

• 11:04Speaker 02

  I'm saying that it's like the...

• 11:06Speaker 01

  He's not really sure.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  You, you know what I mean? It's like, I feel like, when a coach, when a coach is talking to a player and it's like, it's about the fundamentals. You gotta get this stuff down. The points are gonna come.

• 11:15H. Foley?

  I'm working on the fundamentals.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  The chicks will come if you just start doing the right things.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  They love dudes in tech. And, and, and iPad's the first step to that.

• 11:23H. Foley?

  I'm just saying, I'm not gonna like, learn a language or whatever. Like, we're past all that.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Are we?

• 11:28H. Foley?

  I think so.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  Also, who's asking you to learn a language? What are you talking about?

• 11:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, get Duolingo.

• 11:33H. Foley?

  This Vietnamese broad.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  Wants me to talk to her son.

• 11:38Speaker 02

  No, dude, you gotta come up with something. You gotta do something.

• 11:41H. Foley?

  Hmm. Alright.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, what do you, I feel like you could paint.

• 11:45H. Foley?

  I could paint? I wanna paint. Get that shit over my house, all in my hands.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Not on the iPad, it's...

• 11:51Speaker 01

  Ah, there we go. What, you got stock in these fucking...

• 11:54Speaker 02

  No, I'm just saying.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  And credit for three easy payments in 99.

• 11:57Speaker 02

  Just trying to defend myself.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Sure, I get, listen, you're, you're making some solid points. I, we, we were both just shocked. We had never really...

• 12:05Speaker 02

  I know, it's a bad look. I walked in there with it. I had, I had reading glasses with them, with the iPad.

• 12:10H. Foley?

  Are you on reading glasses now?

• 12:12Speaker 02

  I'm on reading glasses dude, I'm-

• 12:13H. Foley?

  They're like proper like, like CVS readers?

• 12:15Speaker 02

  I'm in fucking purgatory dude. I gotta need reading glasses and I need distance glasses and it's fucking hell.

• 12:21H. Foley?

  Okay, hold on.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's dark, man.

• 12:23H. Foley?

  Do you wear contacts?

• 12:24Speaker 02

  No.

• 12:25H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 12:26Speaker 02

  No, I'm just switching between. Dude, you should see me on the iPad watching like the basketball games recently.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  He's got it thirty feet away.

• 12:33Speaker 02

  It's nuts.

• 12:34H. Foley?

  Are you opposed to contacts?

• 12:36Speaker 02

  No.

• 12:37H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  No, it's just, it's like a whole purchase decision, I can't.

• 12:41H. Foley?

  Listen.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  You know?

• 12:42H. Foley?

  You, I'm gonna give you two options. These are the only options you got.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  The hard way or the easy way?

• 12:47H. Foley?

  You can't be, you can't be going back and forth with the glasses. Then you're my mom with two pairs of glasses on your head.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  I think I might, I might be there, I might be that guy.

• 12:53H. Foley?

  You don't gotta do it.

• 12:56H. Foley?

  You don't gotta do it. Can you get contacts?

• 12:58Speaker 02

  Do you have contacts?

• 12:59H. Foley?

  I have contacts in right now.

• 13:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 13:01H. Foley?

  Alright, you can get multifocal contacts where they have the long distance and the, the reader underneath, or-

• 13:07Speaker 02

  Reader underneath?

• 13:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, just do that.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  Now I can see through your pants.

• 13:15H. Foley?

  Multifocal, Chris. Multi-

• 13:19Speaker 02

  How does that possibly work?

• 13:20H. Foley?

  It's science.

• 13:21Speaker 01

  This is like a bad fucking infomercial. How? Please tell me how that would even work?

• 13:27H. Foley?

  It's all science.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, man.

• 13:29H. Foley?

  It's all science. Alright, it works.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  You look at me on fumble with a bunch of glasses?

• 13:34H. Foley?

  He has six pairs of glasses on his head.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  It's in black and white. I can't see anything.

• 13:39H. Foley?

  You could do that, or just get what I would recommend, because the multifocal's kinda stink. They get blurry. You know what I mean? Cause they get blurry when you look up and stuff like that. The, the multifocal-

• 13:48Speaker 01

  How do you, do you look above the-

• 13:49Speaker 02

  What the fuck is happening? Is the, is the, is the-

• 13:51H. Foley?

  I don't know, man.

• 13:52Speaker 02

  Lens staying still and your eyes moving around in it?

• 13:55H. Foley?

  I wore them. It's just, I, I knew that when I looked straight, I could see far away, and when I looked at my phone, I could see that.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  So I guess if that way and then like halfway down, it's closer, so you'd be like-

• 14:05Speaker 02

  Duh, yeah. But it just, I don't know, it's not duh.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  It's not duh at all.

• 14:10H. Foley?

  No, it's duh.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  No, it's not duh. What is it? Stay still? What do you mean you look down?

• 14:14H. Foley?

  Look down.

• 14:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, your eyes shift down.

• 14:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, but the lens sits on your-

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, that's a good point. Duh.

• 14:21Speaker 02

  It moves with your eye.

• 14:22H. Foley?

  Here's the eyeball.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  Alright, I can't wait to see this.

• 14:24H. Foley?

  This, this is the contact.

• 14:27Speaker 02

  Contact.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  The contact stays.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  You started with the contact?

• 14:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, we get, we get the top half of the contact, the bottom half of the contact.

• 14:34Speaker 02

  How does the eye move within the contact?

• 14:37H. Foley?

  The eye doesn't move. The contact moves.

• 14:41Speaker 01

  I don't know. Luke, can you get some information on that? Because I thought it stayed on the, and then I thought, I have no idea. I just assumed the whole contact move with your eyeball.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  It does. Yeah.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 14:50H. Foley?

  That's one option, which sucks.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  Which we haven't figured out yet.

• 14:53H. Foley?

  Because they get, it's not a, it gets all fucked up.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  I would give me vertigo, dude.

• 15:00H. Foley?

  It gets blurry a little bit. It sucks. What I'm recommending to you, what I'm doing now, get a long.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then readers to combat it.

• 15:07H. Foley?

  Because let me tell you something about these readers. They're real nice. They're dirty.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're, yeah, it looks good.

• 15:13H. Foley?

  I'm gonna take my headphones off for a second. Watch this. You're doing this, you got that going, then you're doing this, and you have this. All right?

• 15:21Speaker 01

  I like how your option is to take the glasses off and put them on.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  It's pretty good.

• 15:24H. Foley?

  It's, you get to work with them. And then, you know, sometimes you pop them on.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Oh, for dramatic effect.

• 15:29H. Foley?

  Everybody's like, who's this guy?

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Who is this guy wearing an old Jewish woman's glasses?

• 15:38H. Foley?

  You sitting, instead of having an iPad and six pairs of glasses, you sitting with your legs crossed, a distinguished pair of readers.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  With a portfolio.

• 15:48H. Foley?

  With a nice.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Leather-bound portfolio.

• 15:50H. Foley?

  And a nice legal pad inside.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  The iPad is the legal pad.

• 15:54H. Foley?

  No, it's not.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  It is. And you can paint.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's true.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  It's nice.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  I do have a leather-bound portfolio that I use.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  Really?

• 16:02Speaker 01

  Well, yeah. As I write on those.

• 16:04Speaker 02

  That's CVS. For jokes and stuff?

• 16:06Speaker 01

  I got a new one.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Do you write them in a book?

• 16:08Speaker 01

  I know, a legal pad. But then the legal pad goes in and out of your bags and all, it gets all fucked up. So I need a leather-bound.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  You need an iPad.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  No, I don't.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  Yes, you do. You write, you can write it now.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  No, no, you cannot.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  I, I swear to God.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  I know you can write.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  I'll do a demo. We'll do a demo.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  We go out there, he's in a booth. Hey, what are you, uh, what are you currently painting with, sir? Oh, nothing? You're not painting? That's crazy. Why don't you step into my booth and I'll show you?

• 16:34H. Foley?

  You guys like applesauce painting, champ?

• 16:36Speaker 01

  Up your smell. There's just a bowl on ice.

• 16:38H. Foley?

  Yeah, and just to go back to that, the pouch, no way. The Mott's cups or whatever, I'm in.

• 16:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, the, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  Nah, the cup sucks. Bag's the way.

• 16:47H. Foley?

  Gets colder in the, in the cup. You know it got really cold?

• 16:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, those, those, those bags go.

• 16:52Speaker 02

  I disagree.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  You can heat up the bag with just hot water. You put, I bet that's how we warm it up for a little Kipperino. You just throw it in some hot water, it heats it up.

• 16:59H. Foley?

  How do I heat my applesauce?

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Saying it to be the same thing. It's the, the, the packaging is better than the plastic packaging for heat and refrigeration.

• 17:07H. Foley?

  The best thing for the cold for applesauce is the glass. The ash jar. I don't know if they still make that.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  The old school.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  That seems dangerous. Can't have glass around kids.

• 17:16H. Foley?

  You don't have kids. Oh, you, you meant.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:22H. Foley?

  What if I knock it over and I get yelled at?

• 17:24Speaker 02

  Nah, I told you, I'm using, this is a hangover cure. I can't be fucking with glass. It's reckless.

• 17:30H. Foley?

  Kim, let's talk about Rocket Money.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  Rocket Money!

• 17:32H. Foley?

  Let's talk about Rocket Money. Let's talk about saving money.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:37H. Foley?

  Okay? About 888 million dollars in canceled subscriptions.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  That's a lot of turkey.

• 17:44H. Foley?

  Rocket Money will list the subscriptions that you have.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:46H. Foley?

  And you can find the ones that you want to cancel and they'll do it for you right there. Bang, canceled. No more monthly payments. 888 million dollars. That's a lot of chicken.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. Listen, I would even say me using Rocket Money has done even more than that. It's helped me realize my, they got a lot of tools over there on Rocket Money. Use the dashboard. It really, it, it helps me realize my spending, my budgeting, uh, my savings. I've been able to go like, okay, listen, they send you an email. Hey, you got, these are about to hit this week. Your saving, your spending last week was more than.

• 18:14H. Foley?

  Hey, slow down on the sizzlys, will you?

• 18:16Speaker 01

  It was this much more, this much less. I've used it. Uh, I told you, I was, I, I found myself, uh, subscribing to some weird, uh, Eastern European fighting service.

• 18:25H. Foley?

  You like, you like the, you like the weird stuff.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  It's all right. It wasn't that weird, but, uh, Rocket Money can help you cancel. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscription, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join rocketmoney.com/garbage. One more time, that's rocketmoney.com/garbage. Rocketmoney.com/garbage. Adewi.

• 18:48H. Foley?

  Do it, gang. Kevin, talk about Helix.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  Helix, Helix.

• 18:52H. Foley?

  Gang, I'll shoot you straight, I used to sleep on a Helix. Now they sleep on the couch, and let me tell you something, boy, do I miss my Helix.

• 18:59Speaker 01

  My life was better on a Helix.

• 19:01H. Foley?

  Yes, it was. It was much better with a Helix. Helix mattress, you go over there, you take the quiz, you do the sleep heavy, sleep light, sleep neat.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Hot, cold.

• 19:11H. Foley?

  The whole nine yards.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  Tall, short.

• 19:13H. Foley?

  Take the quiz, they match you up with the perfect mattress for you that you're gonna love for the rest of your life.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  Yep, Helix has over 20 mattress models, so you can find the perfect model for you. I'm a Twilight man, that's just me and my whiz life. We've been on it for about five, four or five years now. Best sleep of my life, and I gotta be honest with you, I do a lot of travel, sleep in a lot of bad hotels, a lot of bad beds. My back always goes. I got a bad back, my back goes, I'm in and out of these bad beds. Listen, when I'm in a Helix.

• 19:38H. Foley?

  You need a Helix.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  When I'm in a Helix and I'm getting my good night's sleep in a Helix, my back is A-OK.

• 19:44H. Foley?

  Off the dreamland.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  All these discount mattresses.

• 19:48H. Foley?

  Get out of here with that crap.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  Screwing me up. It's improved my sleep, it's been an upgrade for my, oh, well, listen, if you're sleeping on your mattress, it's like you got off the side of the road, you gotta step it up. And right now, go to helixsleep.com/garbage for 20% off site-wide. That's helixsleep.com for 20% off site-wide. Make sure you enter our show's name at checkout, so they know that we sent you. Helixsleep.com/garbage. One of the few things that we did want to get into.

• 20:18H. Foley?

  Yes, which I think it's a perfect time to, since we've now pretty much shown everybody that you're crazy.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  You're a man of, you know, I don't wanna, you know, you know how to hold a grudge, you get your feathers ruffled from times.

• 20:35H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:37Speaker 01

  You're kinda lit up, you're like, I like where this is going. You guys have done your research.

• 20:41H. Foley?

  Yeah, vengeance, I like that.

• 20:43Speaker 01

  Who, I had seen a clip recently of you upset at a phone call with a cleaning lady.

• 20:51H. Foley?

  Yeah, dude, it was insane.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  She was asking, I guess you were calling to have your house or apartment cleaned or whatever. And she was taking you through.

• 20:59Speaker 02

  Dude, yeah, it was, it was, it was, it was a situation where like, our house was a fucking wreck. My parents were coming down to visit. My lady was like, I can't do it. You can't do it because we're still working on the show. And it was just like, get some cleaning people, just come in here and just fucking take care of this so it's not fucking embarrassing when your parents get here. I was like, done. Call this lady. Yeah, first, I, I texted them to be like, hey, I need it.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  Where did you get this number?

• 21:23Speaker 02

  I got offline. They were like the highest rated cleaning thing in the whatever.

• 21:28Speaker 01

  Dry County area.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I texted him, hey. Hey, it's me. No, I. My parents are coming to town.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  And they fucking, like, they called me and I was like, this is crazy. What, did they call you back?

• 21:44Speaker 01

  I have a secondary.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, we could take care of it via text. Here's the house. Here's the address. What times do you have available?

• 21:51Speaker 01

  You weren't texting a cellphone, though.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  I was texting whatever number they gave me to text.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just like.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Probably like an.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  That's just like, that's just like an inbound. That just goes to a computer, then they call you.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Perfect. You know what? They were probably on an iPad.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  Now, do you have your texts set up on your iPad?

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, you do.

• 22:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, I got my texts. My texts are coming from everywhere.

• 22:09Speaker 01

  You got them on the wrist?

• 22:10Speaker 02

  You got them on the phone? No, the wrist I deny. Huh. I don't need the alerts. For a guy trying to slow down, you have a lot of, uh, devices. Yeah, I got the web. Yeah, yeah, I'm just. You have a laptop and iPad and the watch. What's next? The implant? I don't know. My, my, I got another one of those wristbands that's like the whoop or whatever. I haven't, I haven't set it up yet, but it's for even more detailed like.

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Oh, man, wait till that thing gets a hold of you.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  Relax.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Oh, that's detailed. No, I did that thing where I, I like, uh, I feel like I'm gonna die and then, but I don't want to go to the doctor. So I was like, let me just gather as much information as possible before I, before I go to a doctor's office and have to deal with all that shit. So the science will have something to explain to my family when I'm gone.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  The attitude you would have sitting down at the doctor, be like, well, this is what my whoop said. What do you think?

• 23:04Speaker 01

  Here's my, here's all my data points. Can you interpret this for me?

• 23:07Speaker 02

  It's, it's fully just.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  He's gonna be like, what? Sir, you don't have insurance.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  Dude, it is, it is fully, I just went on, I went on one run and my heart rate was pretty good. And I was like, alright, I'm fine.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  You're back. Most of that is, a lot of it's meant, like, you're like stressed and whatever, and it just, it all starts compounding on you.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. And you're just like, you know, I don't know, we've lived such shitty, pathetic lives that you're like, there's gotta be...

• 23:35Speaker 02

  You gotta go, there's somewhere I'm dying. Somewhere inside of me, there's death. You know what I mean?

• 23:41H. Foley?

  On a cellular level?

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's somewhere. It's like, it's like a portrait of Dorian Gray kinda situation. You know what I mean?

• 23:47H. Foley?

  Hmm. No. What does Dorian Gray have to do with it?

• 23:50Speaker 02

  You know the portrait of Dorian Gray?

• 23:51H. Foley?

  Yeah, but what do you think, there's a painting somewhere of you getting younger?

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, there's a painting, a portrait of me that's getting older.

• 23:57H. Foley?

  Oh, that's right.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  And I'm gonna look at it and then die.

• 23:59H. Foley?

  Oh, is that how he, is that how he goes?

• 24:00Speaker 02

  I think, I think so. That's how I'm interpreting it.

• 24:02H. Foley?

  I thought as long as he was never in the same room with it, he was okay.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think he was just like up in the attic somewhere. But all the bad things he was doing was accruing on the painting. You know what I mean?

• 24:11H. Foley?

  I respect it.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  No, I never thought that.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  Anyway, what did you ask me? You asked me about grudges?

• 24:18Speaker 01

  There I am, fight with a painting inside myself.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  No, yeah, no. And that lady Kevin, she was on the phone with me for so long, 20 minutes.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  Putting you through the rigmarole?

• 24:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, just like...

• 24:28H. Foley?

  What kinda house do you have? How big is it?

• 24:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then, super detailed, like, what, like, what do the rooms look like? How much furniture is in them? Like, and then down to the baseboards and like, again, she asked me if I had shoecases.

• 24:41Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Sure. And that bothered you?

• 24:44Speaker 02

  What is that?

• 24:45H. Foley?

  That is her going over what kind of equipment, what kinda man-hours, what kinda, how many employees are gonna have to bring to clean the house. Pertinent information, as you would say.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  It's a house. They're all different.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  It's a... Just turn around and back.

• 25:00Speaker 02

  It's a fuck... I got the cleaning lady calling me. Yeah, it's like, how big, it's like, are there dishes? Yes.

• 25:09H. Foley?

  Well, that one I'll give you.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:10H. Foley?

  But everything else she has to know.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  How many dishes? I don't know.

• 25:14H. Foley?

  I mean, she could get there, it could be a, a, a, a studio apartment, or it could be a, a seven-room mansion.

• 25:21Speaker 02

  I know, but that's one, that's one question. That's one question. How big is the house?

• 25:25H. Foley?

  Do you live in a mansion?

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's like, no.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  Is it a studio?

• 25:28Speaker 02

  Yeah. So it's like, well, yeah. No, here's the square footage.

• 25:33Speaker 02

  What's the price?

• 25:34H. Foley?

  You don't know the square footage of your house, do you?

• 25:36Speaker 02

  I have no idea how to even guess. That was the first question.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  I did, I had no idea.

• 25:40H. Foley?

  And it was just like, oh, she asked you that? What's the square footage?

• 25:41Speaker 02

  Footage? And I was like, yeah.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  I work off meters. Thanks for asking.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go 10 by 10 times 10 is...

• 25:48Speaker 01

  Is that how you do it?

• 25:49H. Foley?

  I don't understand square feet at all.

• 25:51Speaker 01

  Would be 100 square feet?

• 25:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:53H. Foley?

  I don't understand that at all.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:55H. Foley?

  Does it go up?

• 25:57Speaker 02

  That's, I don't, I don't...

• 25:58Speaker 01

  No, it's just the, it's just the footprint.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Footprint, but then each floor, do you double it?

• 26:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:02H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  I would assume so.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  Triple it? I don't know what it is. It's like, I, I have no idea. It's a, nor, it's, I was like, it's like a Ro home kinda thing.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Also, she's probably telling her version of the story of like, I was talking to this guy who didn't even know what kinda house he lived in.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  But it's also like the level of detail. It's like, she's like, are the baseboards, how clean are they? Do they like, what kind of clean? It's like, I don't know, man. Bring the gear.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  I do.

• 26:24Speaker 02

  Bring the gear. Like, is your shower, like, does it have a glass thing on it? It's like, yeah. You know, why even ask? Bring the glass stuff. You know, there's windows. I assume if you're doing windows, it can translate to the shower wall or whatever.

• 26:38H. Foley?

  You need that limo away stuff.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  CLR.

• 26:40H. Foley?

  Yeah. You gotta have a permit to carry that.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  What the fu- I mean, I don't know. Have you guys ever gotten a cleaning lady?

• 26:49Speaker 01

  I, I've done that one time.

• 26:50Speaker 02

  How many fucking questions did you get?

• 26:52Speaker 01

  There was, I did it online and they called. And it was ve- it wa- that's why I wanted to sympathize with you. It was very similar of like, they were like, oh, we'll send you a link with a questionnaire. And I was like, okay, cause uh, we had some construction done. We needed like a end of the whatever, you know? Get up all the dust and shit like that. And um, I gave up midway through the, I'm like, I don't know how to answer this. It was very, very detailed.

• 27:18Speaker 02

  It's fucking ridiculous, dude. I mean, if, I don't know, even cleaning up a construction site, if you told construction guys, you're just like, yeah, I need like the, or landscapers like, yeah, we just had a bunch of construction done. I need like the yard, I need like grass and stuff put down. They would just go like, how big is it? They wouldn't be like, uh, how muddy is it?

• 27:36Speaker 01

  Sure. How many weeds are there?

• 27:38Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, yeah.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  Well, that's, I have a landscaper and he goes, you know, I go, you, he goes, you wanna do a spring cleanup? I go, yeah. He goes, no problem. Ball cleanup? Boom, no problem.

• 27:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:47H. Foley?

  Have you seen the place?

• 27:48Speaker 01

  What?

• 27:49H. Foley?

  Seen your place?

• 27:50Speaker 01

  I know, but he hasn't seen it. That's, he hasn't seen it. He's not out there.

• 27:53H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  This guy's running point. You know what I mean?

• 27:56Speaker 02

  I don't know, I don't, I don't, I like, it's the same problem I have with the doctor. The last time I went to the doctor, I was like-

• 28:01Speaker 01

  I knew, I was like, "Let's just ask him about one, and he'll have a list of 20."

• 28:05H. Foley?

  What about the doctor?

• 28:06Speaker 02

  I went in there, it was like, I don't know, I was like about to lose my health insurance, and I was like, "Do the full thing."

• 28:11Speaker 01

  Run it.

• 28:11Speaker 02

  And he was like, "What is that?" It's like, "You tell me what it is." Fucking like-

• 28:16Speaker 01

  Hey guy, I don't have a white coat on.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:18H. Foley?

  "Here's my credit card, do the full thing."

• 28:20Speaker 02

  "I want you to be as close to certain as possible that I'm not dying in the next 10 years."

• 28:27Speaker 01

  25 minutes.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  "Run whatever you gotta run to be certain."

• 28:30H. Foley?

  So that would be- See, sometimes those guys, they-

• 28:34Speaker 02

  And they go, "You want us to like, take your blood?" "Yes, I'll piss in something, I'll jizz in a thing, I'll shit in something, whatever the fuck you need."

• 28:40H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  "Put a camera up my ass, fucking whatever you-"

• 28:43H. Foley?

  This is your general practitioner.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  "Look at it all, look in my ears."

• 28:45Speaker 01

  This is pediatrician.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  I didn't think you got the applesauce.

• 28:52H. Foley?

  Cause they do push back on that.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're, they're, this is the bigger thing, what I've heard people complain about, they're regulated to not use the healthcare system.

• 29:02H. Foley?

  What do you mean?

• 29:03Speaker 01

  They're incentivized to not prescribe, to not do all these tests or something like that.

• 29:07H. Foley?

  Who said that? Why?

• 29:09Speaker 01

  Because they make the money from the insurance companies, or something like that.

• 29:13Speaker 02

  I don't get it.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Neither do I.

• 29:16H. Foley?

  But if they made money-

• 29:17Speaker 01

  Man, I really painted myself into a corner without backup, but that is true.

• 29:20H. Foley?

  If they made money on-

• 29:21Speaker 01

  That's why, what is it, what is it, the primary care physician? Whoever you have to go to to get the referrals?

• 29:26H. Foley?

  I don't need referrals.

• 29:27Speaker 01

  Okay, whatever, there's different types of, you know, real fucking big shot, aren't there?

• 29:30Speaker 02

  How do you not need a referral?

• 29:32Speaker 01

  We have good insurance.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  Which we provide for our fine employees.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  Really?

• 29:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Fuck yeah, dude.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  But isn't it, they're like, they're the ones who determine what level of healthcare you can get. You have to go, the idea is you have to go through somebody.

• 29:48H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  Yes, and they want a history in order to get said test, but um-

• 29:52H. Foley?

  Of course, that's why you gotta lie to them.

• 29:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:55H. Foley?

  You gotta go in there and fake symptoms, if you want something done.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 29:58H. Foley?

  And push for it.

• 30:01H. Foley?

  You say you have chest pains.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, but people have tried that and then they, they realize they're lying and then, he said if you go to the ER and you tell them you have chest pains, you get seen right away. But then people did it.

• 30:12H. Foley?

  I'm not talking about the ER.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 30:13H. Foley?

  That's they don't know how to do it right.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  What's this scumbag move of getting healthcare? I don't even know how to do it. Yeah, isn't that what you're saying?

• 30:20Speaker 01

  You go in, you give them a fake social security number.

• 30:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 30:24Speaker 01

  Say you're Gary Jenkins.

• 30:25H. Foley?

  If you feel like you want to get a test done because you don't want to worry about it, you push to get it done.

• 30:30Speaker 02

  But I don't know what the test is. I want them, it's like, you come up with the tests.

• 30:34H. Foley?

  They have the test.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  If, if I die.

• 30:37H. Foley?

  A full blood panel.

• 30:38Speaker 02

  What?

• 30:38H. Foley?

  You wanted a full blood pla- a full blood panel.

• 30:41Speaker 02

  Whatever it is. What's that mean? I don't know what.

• 30:43H. Foley?

  They check everything.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  They don't seem to even know what that is, the last time I talked to them.

• 30:47H. Foley?

  Cholesterol. All that stuff.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  Everything.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  First of all, no one knows what we're talking about. You're like, all that stuff, cholesterol. You lost confidence in cholesterol.

• 30:57H. Foley?

  First thing I feel like we were both drunk.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  Do you guys have individual companies too, for yourselves?

• 31:02Speaker 01

  What?

• 31:02Speaker 01

  That's a private que- no, we don't.

• 31:04Speaker 02

  Yeah. I just set one up. And now I don't, I don't know what's what. My brother was like.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  Hey, send me an invoice.

• 31:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. My brother was like, remember, like, I got like a credit card for it. And then my brother was like, this is only for business expenses. And I was like.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  How you tell that to fucking Uber Eats Stevie over here?

• 31:20Speaker 02

  Well, that's all of a sudden I go like, well, I the, the business is just me.

• 31:26H. Foley?

  I'm the business.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  So what, I don't even know what.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  And I'm hungry.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. In order to keep this business going.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  I need to eat something.

• 31:33Speaker 02

  We need to be drunk. We need to be fed.

• 31:36H. Foley?

  Listen, if you get on. If I'm sober, and I don't have applesauce.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 31:40H. Foley?

  Company can't survive.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  I can't do my job.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  I don't know about tax law that well. But I believe if you go get fucked up and then talk about it on a podcast.

• 31:51Speaker 02

  Is that not?

• 31:51Speaker 01

  That's a business meeting as far as I'm concerned.

• 31:53Speaker 02

  Is it not?

• 31:54Speaker 01

  It's production.

• 31:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like, if I post something on Instagram, isn't now everything associated with that picture now business?

• 32:00Speaker 01

  This is real dirtbag logic.

• 32:02H. Foley?

  Now, hold on, yeah, I mean.

• 32:03Speaker 02

  How is it not?

• 32:04H. Foley?

  Is that a picture of you buried into a set of titties over at Hooters?

• 32:09H. Foley?

  Motorboat and sunbroad?

• 32:10Speaker 01

  And thrown out of a twin piece?

• 32:12H. Foley?

  It's content, yeah. Content, your off, your honor?

• 32:15Speaker 02

  I don't know, yeah, I don't get, I truly don't understand what is, what is now a business expense and what isn't.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  We have somebody that just handles that.

• 32:22H. Foley?

  What's living on that credit card?

• 32:23Speaker 02

  Well, I, you know.

• 32:25H. Foley?

  Twenty-five grand?

• 32:27Speaker 02

  I only hang out with other people that are, are considered business associates.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  Ah, good day, sir. Good day, Mr. Gillis.

• 32:36H. Foley?

  I like, I like.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 32:38H. Foley?

  Because these guys were wearing suits back in the day. I mean, we're still not business.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Those man men were getting fucked up during the day writing that shit off. You're telling me I can't get a pack of heaters?

• 32:46H. Foley?

  There's no way they were paying for that shit back then. That was going on in the company house account.

• 32:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, if you, if you share, if you share a cigarette with another comedian.

• 32:56H. Foley?

  That's their what?

• 32:57Speaker 02

  If you share a cigarette with another comedian, isn't that, that's business. Isn't it?

• 33:02Speaker 01

  Buddy, we're talking about business.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  We're on a business trip.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. And listen, if I'm in.

• 33:06H. Foley?

  Now you're on a trip?

• 33:07Speaker 01

  If I'm.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude.

• 33:08H. Foley?

  Is the whole point of the business?

• 33:09Speaker 02

  You take an Uber to a comedy club, that's a business trip.

• 33:11H. Foley?

  That's a goddamn right, that's a business trip.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  I ain't calling for pleasure, because I'm vomiting. Nobody enjoyed what I did up there. That was all work.

• 33:19H. Foley?

  And you're allowed to go there and have a cocktail, buy a free, get, get, get an associate a cocktail?

• 33:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:24H. Foley?

  And you're talking business. Maybe trying to like that's some goddamn deal.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  It's, uh, yeah, it's like the comedy club is a conference center.

• 33:30H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 33:31Speaker 02

  For business. Is it not?

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Yes, it is.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  Hey, you really?

• 33:38Speaker 02

  In front of a jury?

• 33:43Speaker 02

  How is that not a business meeting?

• 33:46H. Foley?

  They're all rolling their eyes at you.

• 33:49Speaker 01

  They're looking at each other. I don't think he's that funny.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  He hasn't said one funny thing yet. Angry little man.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  Business isn't doing so well.

• 33:57H. Foley?

  This guy you're getting about the applesauce, Jesus Christ.

• 34:03Speaker 01

  Excuse me, how he takes a pal, takes a, takes a hit of the pals.

• 34:07H. Foley?

  Still ice cold.

• 34:09Speaker 01

  Pulled it out of my refrigerator three hours ago.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  Can I get a go-go real quick?

• 34:15H. Foley?

  A go-go.

• 34:20H. Foley?

  The other thing we wanted to discuss.

• 34:21Speaker 02

  And then you start going like that.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  No, he's just round them up.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  Why be a person? Can't I just be a corporate, like, can I just renounce my person? I'll just be a corporation.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  Well, isn't that the whole idea behind corporations, that corporations can't be like?

• 34:37Speaker 02

  They're people.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  They're people, but like, there's no liability to them, essentially.

• 34:41Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 34:42H. Foley?

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 34:43Speaker 02

  What am I getting about, what, what's the benefit of being a person?

• 34:46H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  Vote?

• 34:47H. Foley?

  Smartest guys in the room right here.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is like, this is like Enron all over.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. I should have subsidiaries underneath me that are for-

• 34:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, I want to be a corporation.

• 34:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, that are like, I divide, you know, if I'm drinking, that should be a totally different company.

• 35:03H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 35:03Speaker 02

  Right? Anything that happens-

• 35:06Speaker 01

  At least it's a different department.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  While I'm drinking or on drugs is a-

• 35:08Speaker 01

  Is blackout, Chris.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  Is a subsidiary.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  Blackout Industries.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  That can only be, yeah.

• 35:14H. Foley?

  So if the cops come, you're gonna have to talk to the guy in the blackout.

• 35:17Speaker 02

  You gotta talk to a guy who's drunk.

• 35:18H. Foley?

  I was-

• 35:19Speaker 02

  If I'm not drinking, I'm not that company.

• 35:20H. Foley?

  And he declared bankruptcy.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, if I never drink again, I'm no longer responsible for those, you know what I mean? You can never find that company. It only exists on paper.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  It's based out of Delaware.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  Limited liability corporation.

• 35:37H. Foley?

  Heard you're in bed with DuPont.

• 35:40Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 35:40H. Foley?

  Oh Connor, I am 100% with you. I want to be a company.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  Where did you base your company out of?

• 35:45Speaker 02

  Texas.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  Pretty good.

• 35:48H. Foley?

  Pretty good. What kind of work do you do? Import-export?

• 35:53Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying. What, what kind of work don't I do? You know what I mean?

• 35:58Speaker 01

  If you ask me, I'm always working. Could use a vacation.

• 36:02H. Foley?

  Your honor, I'm a bit of a jack-of-all-trades.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, you don't know what's a business-focused activity.

• 36:09H. Foley?

  Who could really say?

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. Given the business I'm in.

• 36:13H. Foley?

  Would you say that you're open to a lot of different opportunities?

• 36:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:17H. Foley?

  Would you say you're open to maximizing your profits?

• 36:22H. Foley?

  Oh Connor, do you want to work hard and play hard too?

• 36:27H. Foley?

  Am I crazy? Should we just do that? Should we just work hard and play hard?

• 36:33Speaker 01

  That's a good point.

• 36:35Speaker 02

  If I take my girl out to dinner and then use that as a bit, is that not a business dinner?

• 36:40H. Foley?

  I would say it is. I would say it is.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  You know?

• 36:45H. Foley?

  If that's the case. I got a little money coming.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  If that's the case, keep me a check.

• 36:51H. Foley?

  I've been doing a half hour.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  See, these are questions I've asked myself as well.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  If I try the bit and then I decide it's no good, isn't that just, you know?

• 37:02H. Foley?

  That's the way it goes.

• 37:03Speaker 02

  That's R and D.

• 37:05H. Foley?

  Research.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  That's what I'm, that's what I say. We're developing product.

• 37:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. If I, right, so if it's, all I have to do is record me attempting to talk about something that happened in my phone or right in my iPad.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  Right in my iPad. Your honor.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  And it'll be evidence.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  You flip open. Is that a charger by any chance?

• 37:26H. Foley?

  I need the old one.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  I got the block, I just need the cord.

• 37:30H. Foley?

  Kevin, it's like about Chime.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  Chime!

• 37:32H. Foley?

  As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  You ain't lying, big man.

• 37:36H. Foley?

  Things start adding up.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 37:37H. Foley?

  You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish, I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had Chime.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is, then you got these big corporate banks coming after ya.

• 38:05H. Foley?

  Overdraft fees.

• 38:06Speaker 01

  Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, that it. Oh, oh, five dollars for this, ten dollars for that, they got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, Spot me lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that, I know, I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage, that's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.

• 38:47H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 39:02H. Foley?

  Saying the old one and the new one has been getting very convoluted with these Uber drivers. What is, what is my charger called?

• 39:10Speaker 02

  The Lightning port. USBC. No.

• 39:13H. Foley?

  No.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  He's Lightning.

• 39:14H. Foley?

  No, they all have that.

• 39:15Speaker 02

  Oh, you're Lightning.

• 39:16H. Foley?

  They're both USBC.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  He's got the 4S still. What the fuck is that?

• 39:20H. Foley?

  I don't know what I have, but I, I need a Lightning.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  He's the only one.

• 39:24H. Foley?

  That's what I say, what is the new one?

• 39:25Speaker 02

  I just got in a fight with my dad about this, because he was trying to, he had, he had a phone from fucking, he had like iPhone 7 or 6 or something like that, and he was trying to add my cousins to a group chat. And he was like... Who's, who's that, Steve McCusins?

• 39:43H. Foley?

  That's a Ford for the Cleveland dad?

• 39:46Speaker 02

  Cavalier? No, and he's like, "You can't, you can't add Android, you can't add Android to the group chat." And I was like, "I think it's because your phone's fucking super old." And he's like, "That's not what it is." "It's just the way it works." And it's like, then I immediately added the cousins, and it's just like, "Dude, it's because your phone is a million years old." And he's like, "Ah, fuck off, whatever."

• 40:08H. Foley?

  Give me a Lightning.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  It's just...

• 40:12H. Foley?

  What is the new one called?

• 40:13Speaker 02

  USBC. Yeah.

• 40:15H. Foley?

  USBC. Isn't the USBC the other end, the little tiny thing?

• 40:19Speaker 02

  That's U, U, USB.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  No.

• 40:21Speaker 02

  No.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  Uh, yes, the smaller end on the Lightning one is usually USBC also.

• 40:26Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:28H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  Which is insane.

• 40:30H. Foley?

  Why?

• 40:30Speaker 02

  Because you're updating the wrong end of your cord.

• 40:34H. Foley?

  Which one?

• 40:35Speaker 02

  When you started using the Lightning, the other end of the cord had a different connector.

• 40:40Speaker 03

  Was the original USB, yeah.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:43H. Foley?

  You mean the big one?

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:44H. Foley?

  Yeah. Well, I get you want to make it wrong.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  And you watched the other end evolve. Who are you upset at, him? Yeah. Okay.

• 40:51H. Foley?

  Me?

• 40:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:51H. Foley?

  Why? What'd I do?

• 40:53Speaker 02

  Just get a new phone.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  That's, dude, we've been saying that. He's the only guy on the team. And he goes, "I need a ch-" his phone's always there, he goes, "I need the old one." And then like Luke's gotta dig through like a barrel of old cords.

• 41:04Speaker 02

  Dude, that's a fucking nightmare for him, dude.

• 41:06Speaker 01

  And it's just for him. He's the only, dude, two years ago, he's like, "I'm finally completely up." "I'm completely," my whole system is USB-C.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  USB-C, yes, which is, I mean...

• 41:15Speaker 01

  This guy came in, I'm not even joking around, this guy came in with the quarter, with the, with the quarter inch headphones the other day. Like the round plug, plugged into one of, what are they, a dongle or what are those things called?

• 41:25Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  Something my mom would do.

• 41:26H. Foley?

  It's an adapter.

• 41:31Speaker 01

  Steve Jobs gave it to me.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  Listen, that's, cuz you, we both have buckets full of useless cables.

• 41:39H. Foley?

  I used, we used to have that with the cable boxes, they'd give you so much of that.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Why don't you update? We didn't get, why don't you update to the new thing?

• 41:46H. Foley?

  I don't know. I don't know, I just...

• 41:48Speaker 01

  Dude, he doesn't have time to learn a language and get a new phone.

• 41:51H. Foley?

  It takes two seconds, yeah. Yeah, but then you gotta like re-put some stuff in there.

• 41:53Speaker 02

  No, you really don't.

• 41:54H. Foley?

  It's just, all the apps show up?

• 41:56Speaker 02

  Yes, it migrates over.

• 41:58H. Foley?

  My cloud's not backed up. I'm out of space on my cloud.

• 42:00Speaker 02

  Oh, Jesus Christ.

• 42:01H. Foley?

  I'm not putting it out there. I don't know who's looking at that.

• 42:06Speaker 02

  See, this is why, this is also why you need the computer, cuz you need a home base.

• 42:11H. Foley?

  For what?

• 42:11Speaker 02

  For everything.

• 42:12H. Foley?

  For the information?

• 42:13Speaker 02

  Cuz the phone can...

• 42:14Speaker 01

  The information's a super highway.

• 42:15H. Foley?

  No.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  The laptop serves as a central node for all of your other pieces of technology.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  A mothership.

• 42:25H. Foley?

  So what you're telling me is...

• 42:26Speaker 02

  So, so you can lose your phone and back it up from your computer?

• 42:29Speaker 01

  Yeah. All of us have to talk to each other.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  That's nuts, dude. You're like a conquistador, dude. You're out in the Amazon.

• 42:37H. Foley?

  Listen, if...

• 42:39Speaker 02

  Conquistador. I don't know why I said that fucking crazy.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  My cousin's...

• 42:44H. Foley?

  If the, if the alphabet boys rolled in here right now, all I gotta do is destroy the phone. I'm not destroying the phone than the computer, dude.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  You think if you throw the phone off the side of the building, that they're not gonna know what you're talking about?

• 42:55Speaker 02

  If the alphabet boys come in here, I promise they're here to help.

• 43:00H. Foley?

  It's the EMT.

• 43:01Speaker 02

  Whatever's going through, yeah, yeah.

• 43:04H. Foley?

  Hey, Ben. Where am I at? Come on, Henry, get taken to a place nice and warm. Do I need my phone? No, no, no, no, no. Do I got that dog catcher net?

• 43:13Speaker 02

  Tinfoil capes?

• 43:16H. Foley?

  Oh, damn. And I do have the laptop now, I could do all that.

• 43:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:21H. Foley?

  And get modernized. That's what my company needs.

• 43:28H. Foley?

  Step into the 21st century.

• 43:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:30H. Foley?

  Innovation.

• 43:31Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 43:32H. Foley?

  Synergy. Synergy. Nodes. Vertical integration. Horizontal relaxation. Which is why I'll be going right after this. Got it. Home to relax. So I can clear my minds for better ideas. Well, yours would be H. Foley, Inc. Yeah. Okay, thanks for rolling with that.

• 43:52Speaker 02

  Do you ever write something down and lose it?

• 43:54H. Foley?

  Yeah, all the time.

• 43:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. Unacceptable.

• 43:57H. Foley?

  Very true. Most of the stuff I write down is gibberish.

• 43:59Speaker 02

  It's just unacceptable.

• 44:00H. Foley?

  Like, that'll...

• 44:00Speaker 02

  In this day and age.

• 44:01H. Foley?

  This will become a note.

• 44:02Speaker 02

  In this day and age, to lose a piece of information is just...

• 44:07H. Foley?

  Well...

• 44:07Speaker 02

  Disgusting.

• 44:08H. Foley?

  That's never gonna happen with your handy iPad.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  It's, yeah, that's right.

• 44:12H. Foley?

  Here's how I feel about that.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  I got that, I got whatever I put into that iPad spread across three or four other devices.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  As soon as I modify one.

• 44:20H. Foley?

  So that hand turkey you did on the way here will live forever.

• 44:29H. Foley?

  I respect that, but the way I look at the artistic process is...

• 44:33Speaker 02

  That's so... Shut the fuck up.

• 44:36H. Foley?

  It's to not write new jokes for 13 years. Well, here's the thing, I have written jokes, but I lose those pieces of paper. And I think that's the universe telling me, hey, maybe those ideas weren't good enough. I think you're supposed to lose some of that stuff. Didn't somebody lose a whole book and have to rewrite it? Like Hemingway or somebody? TSA threw it out?

• 44:56H. Foley?

  Sir, this is pornography. It was something like that.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  Dude, it's...

• 45:00H. Foley?

  I mean, they still got DaVinci's doodlings. I'm not saying that. I'm saying there was some artist who wrote a whole book, lost it, cranked out another one, won a Pulitzer Prize. A Pulitzer Prize? Boom, you got it. Somebody there, they commented too, it's not, I thought it was pre-Madonna. I'm acting like a pre-Madonna. Me too. Primadonna? Primadonna.

• 45:22Speaker 02

  Although, it's one, not before Madonna.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  What?

• 45:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 45:28H. Foley?

  Yes, yeah, exactly.

• 45:29Speaker 02

  It's the prima, it's the, instead of the pre Madonna.

• 45:32H. Foley?

  Sounds like Segundo.

• 45:34Speaker 02

  I said pre, I thought it was pre Madonna too, until you just said that.

• 45:36H. Foley?

  Cup some Vio Parfum.

• 45:37Speaker 01

  For a very long time, I, and I still pronounce it this way, and I say it fa- I've been called out a couple of times, I say laptop.

• 45:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  Because in my head, it was scientists on a lap.

• 45:48Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  That's who's using computers.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  Yes. And, cause at the time, it was like fucking cutting-edge technology.

• 45:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a laptop.

• 45:54Speaker 02

  This is fresh out of the lab, dude.

• 45:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:56H. Foley?

  Now we got six-gen fighters out there.

• 45:57Speaker 02

  And it's like, I never saw someone working on their laptop on their lap. It's too big.

• 46:03Speaker 01

  No. It's hot.

• 46:03Speaker 01

  I still have to, it's, it's cooking.

• 46:05H. Foley?

  No, I just saw Ryan.

• 46:07Speaker 01

  I had one, I, I, my, my first move to New York, my laptop, we, me and my buddy smoked.

• 46:11H. Foley?

  Those weren't laptops.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  We smoked in my apartment.

• 46:13H. Foley?

  They were mobile whack-off units. That was not a laptop.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  But, we smoked in this apartment for like, three, four years, and they get, cause dude, my thing would be humming, cause it was, the intake was taking in some, and it was like an old Toshiba. I took it in to get fixed, the guy's like, what the fuck? Did you get this in a fire?

• 46:31Speaker 02

  Computers got smokers long.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  Oh dude, it was fucking, it was all tar and shit on the inside.

• 46:35Speaker 03

  It's like a bong, you gotta clean it with isopropyl alcohol.

• 46:38H. Foley?

  Hey man, this laptop is a bad cough, how do we, uh?

• 46:41Speaker 02

  Dude, I remember I had a, I had a Dell in college that I pissed on.

• 46:44H. Foley?

  A what? You said a Dale?

• 46:45Speaker 02

  A Dell.

• 46:46H. Foley?

  Oh, you sound like you said Dell.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  A Dell.

• 46:49H. Foley?

  I had a Dell.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Also, you're skipping by that he pissed on.

• 46:54H. Foley?

  Why'd you pee on it?

• 46:55Speaker 01

  I thought it was the toilet.

• 46:55Speaker 02

  I was drinking, I thought it was the toilet.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  It was a write-off.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  I was blacked out, and I thought it was the toilet. I used to piss on electronics when I had blacked out, or something that made me think they were toilets.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  Well, anything stationary.

• 47:03H. Foley?

  That's subconscious.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pissed on an Xbox.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  I don't think it's conscious.

• 47:07H. Foley?

  That's something in the subconscious, not liking technology, wanting to pull back and relax, and paint more.

• 47:14Speaker 02

  Even then. It was like a Luddite.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  He was blacked out after fucking nickel beer.

• 47:18H. Foley?

  I guess that could have been.

• 47:19Speaker 02

  Yeah dude, Rosie's Penny Pitchers back in the day.

• 47:22Speaker 01

  I'm down at Kavanaugh's on Wednesday. It's 50 cent, you call, it's all night long.

• 47:27Speaker 02

  Dude, it was nuts.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  By the Kavanaugh's.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  Kavanaugh's.

• 47:30Speaker 01

  Was shut your brain off, dude, it was $5 cover, 50 cent drink or quarter drinks.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:35Speaker 01

  50 cent mixed drinks.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  Oh dude, I would.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  That's crazy. He's going with 5 bucks and we would black, I'd just blackout on a Wednesday.

• 47:41Speaker 02

  Dude, I do, I, we were talking the other, I was talking to my buddies the other day and they're fucking remembering one of my.

• 47:46Speaker 01

  You were Drexel, right?

• 47:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, one of my buddies rigged, rigged the Kavanaugh's raffle to win the like, the.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  The happy hours?

• 47:52Speaker 02

  The cooler.

• 47:53Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 47:53Speaker 02

  That could drive.

• 47:55Speaker 01

  Was he the mayor? Jesus. Was he the Thanksgiving Day parade?

• 48:01H. Foley?

  How did you rig, how did you rig the raffle?

• 48:03Speaker 02

  You just gotta drink there every day for a couple hours and you can talk to the.

• 48:05H. Foley?

  Well, that's not rigging it.

• 48:07Speaker 02

  Yes, it is.

• 48:08H. Foley?

  No, that's drinking every day.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  But then you talk to the people who run the raffle and you rig it.

• 48:14H. Foley?

  Oh, I gotcha. Like, hey, let me win.

• 48:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:17Speaker 01

  Also, I mean, like, I don't think this is like a fucking Price Waterhouse Cooper, yeah, it's like, there was just some guy being like, yeah, give me 20 bucks and you can win it.

• 48:23H. Foley?

  Okay. I thought there was some type of tampering with mechanical equipment they had to do when I hear rigging.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  Oh, at Kavanaugh's? The place with fucking nickel drinks? You thought, you thought they had a huge, then they were also their secondary industry?

• 48:37H. Foley?

  I thought there was a, I thought there was.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  Giveaways?

• 48:39H. Foley?

  I thought there was a wheel or something that was involved.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  How you gonna fake that?

• 48:45Speaker 01

  What? A wheel?

• 48:48Speaker 02

  I just fucking bit the mic.

• 48:50H. Foley?

  Ah, it's the worst.

• 48:53H. Foley?

  That's the worst.

• 48:54Speaker 02

  Fucking A.

• 48:55H. Foley?

  The one other thing.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  Rosie's to drinkers.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  Where was Rosie's? I don't know if I ever did Rosie's.

• 48:59Speaker 02

  It was on, uh, 23rd and Walnut.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 49:03Speaker 02

  And they had 5 to 7 was Penny Pitchers.

• 49:06Speaker 01

  Was that where 6 used to run that show? That was the Roosevelt or something.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:10H. Foley?

  The Roosevelt.

• 49:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  That was also like Penny Pitchers or something.

• 49:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, Penny Pitchers 5 to 7, then drinkers 7 to 9 was.

• 49:17H. Foley?

  Drinkers, that, Noche?

• 49:20Speaker 02

  Near, near Noche.

• 49:20H. Foley?

  Downstairs.

• 49:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Drinkers was.

• 49:23H. Foley?

  There's Philly, Philly spots for you folks out there.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  Uh, was.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  Only in New York.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  Was $5 pitchers, I think, from 7 to 9.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  That sounds about right.

• 49:33Speaker 02

  That's a back to back, dude.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:35Speaker 02

  Thursday night, you'd be in bed by 9:30 tucked.

• 49:40Speaker 02

  Pissing on your laptop.

• 49:42Speaker 01

  Just in time to wake up and pee on your VCR. And ruin your Sopranos DVDs.

• 49:48Speaker 02

  You'd be in bed by nine. Throwing up my. I would tell you that story that in West Philly, my whole fucking house got robbed. They stole literally everything. But I had like four or 500 DVDs. That I just, I would go to Walmart and just buy all the bargain bin DVDs. And they stole literally every single DVD from an entire rack, except the Seinfeld box set. Nice. They robbed the entire, the TV, laptops, every piece of electronics and the whole thing. Every DVD. It was. The detectives on the case probably could have used that information.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  Okay. Yeah, narrows it down.

• 50:27Speaker 01

  That wasn't a Jewish guy.

• 50:28Speaker 02

  Also, what.

• 50:31Speaker 02

  What a hilarious prank to play.

• 50:33Speaker 01

  That's very funny. I wonder if they were talking like, we're gonna leave one, just to make him think about it for the rest of his life.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  Just be like, fuck that show. In the middle of crime, it's awesome.

• 50:45Speaker 01

  You had something else I thought you said you wanted to get into?

• 50:47Speaker 02

  Yes, we wanted to ask him about his day to day.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  Ah, yes.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  My day to day?

• 50:51Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, what's your?

• 50:53Speaker 02

  I got scared for a second.

• 50:56Speaker 02

  Just trying to put some days together here.

• 50:58Speaker 01

  Just string along a couple of things.

• 51:01Speaker 02

  Get a couple of things together.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  Well, you're, you're, you're moving back from, you're on the East Coast for, for filming and everything. And you're moving back to Austin tomorrow.

• 51:09Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  What, when you settle back down in Austin, what is that day to day looking like in the house? You're waking up, you're working out, you're cooking?

• 51:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think I'm gonna start.

• 51:19Speaker 01

  Cause I know you guys down there like an alcoholic beverage from time to time.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, yeah, I don't know. We're gonna see. I'm gonna try that. Sounds like something I would say.

• 51:30Speaker 01

  Cause my buddy moved down there about, I don't know, maybe a year ago. And it was just like texting me like, I saw O'Connor at a O'Shanigan's or whatever. You guys are just, every time, I'm like, well, you guys seem to be, both of you. Hey, he's also trying to say like, you have a drinking problem. Like, well, you seem to see him three times a week.

• 51:46Speaker 02

  I love that.

• 51:46Speaker 01

  As well.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  He's gotta slow it down a little bit, huh? Dude. Yeah, I was boozing a lot, but I'm gonna try not to. I'm gonna, I wanna see.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  Did you drink last night?

• 51:55Speaker 02

  No. I haven't drank in a week. It was Easter.

• 51:58Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 51:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna get back to Texas with a head of steam.

• 52:04Speaker 01

  Just a crash right in the wall.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  Cut the brake line, dog.

• 52:09H. Foley?

  A head of steam, you mean a low tolerance.

• 52:10Speaker 02

  Dude, I don't know, I don't know, like, I don't know how to not, I don't know how to not drink. I don't know, I like, the moment I'm like, nah, I'm not drinking tonight, and someone's like, ah. I'm like, alright, fuck it, just let's get fucked up. I don't know how to get past that moment. You know what I mean?

• 52:26H. Foley?

  Know it very well, my friend.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  Cause I have no reason not to.

• 52:30H. Foley?

  You have to get up in the morning.

• 52:33H. Foley?

  No, you don't have to get up in the morning.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, oh, oh, I thought it said you have to get up in the morning, I was like, yeah, that's not gonna-

• 52:38Speaker 01

  We're after, mm. Uh, I, well, the, the baby-

• 52:41Speaker 02

  What's your schedule, you're in the baby?

• 52:42Speaker 01

  Well, the baby wasn't sleeping, so I wasn't driving, dude, I fucking like, seven months, like, not boozing at all.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:48Speaker 01

  Feeling great.

• 52:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  Like, feeling, you know, physically better.

• 52:52H. Foley?

  Seven months you didn't drink?

• 52:53Speaker 01

  I mean, not like I norm, like, on the road I would, but just cause, yeah, I mean, yeah, not, not drinking, but like, not drinking like I do.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  Right.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? Cause I was, you know, the nights, you'd be getting up like fucking four or five times, it's just brutal, you can't. And then even if I would-

• 53:07Speaker 02

  You're so stressed, dude, you, you fucking, you, yeah.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  You would like, I'd like, wake up and, or I have to do the morning, and you're like, oh, this, you're hungover, and you're like, this just fucking sucks.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  But he started sleeping through the night, and I immediately became an alcoholic again. Like, I like, just right back, I drank like four days last week.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  Isn't that, what a good feeling that is.

• 53:24Speaker 01

  It feels pretty good. I was literally like drunk at the cellar, I'm like, this is who I am. This is who I believe.

• 53:30H. Foley?

  But also too, you went through that stuff. You went through that stuff-

• 53:34Speaker 02

  With Batman with all the bats swirling around?

• 53:38H. Foley?

  You on top of a building standing over a ground?

• 53:41Speaker 01

  Don't do it, man!

• 53:44H. Foley?

  That wraparound shot Chris Nolan does of the someone's music, man? Just you wobbling on-

• 53:49Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm like, I'm, I'm, I'm like, I'm gagging a bit.

• 53:54H. Foley?

  I'm not the hero you want, but the hero you need.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, I, that, getting back into that, I've been drinking more than I, than I was previously allowed, like, you know, had the time to. And I gotta be honest, it really is, it's good.

• 54:12Speaker 01

  It's just such a, such a, it's just such a part of my life, my family's life.

• 54:16Speaker 02

  Oh dude, it's, it's also just like watching a movie, like that, that, I'm sure when the kid goes to bed.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  I don't drink at the house though. I never have, never been that guy.

• 54:25Speaker 02

  Oh really?

• 54:26Speaker 01

  No.

• 54:26H. Foley?

  A little bit.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  Oh, it's nice.

• 54:28H. Foley?

  Been that guy, a little bit.

• 54:29Speaker 02

  It's nice.

• 54:30H. Foley?

  I've had a cocktail at the house. Had a beer at the house, you got fucked up at the house.

• 54:34Speaker 01

  If like someone's over.

• 54:36Speaker 02

  But you're out, you're out boozing and feeling pretty good about, that's nice.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  Feeling great about it.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:42Speaker 01

  You guys wanna get out of here? I don't know what the fuck we keep talking about.

• 54:44H. Foley?

  Not me.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  No, it's good.

• 54:46H. Foley?

  Keep it sharp, focused, synergy, vertical integration.

• 54:52Speaker 01

  H Foley Inc. is looking for investors if anybody's out there.

• 54:54H. Foley?

  I would take a pitch. My buttons keep popping open. That won't be in the pitch.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  That bad?

• 55:01Speaker 02

  Hey, some pitch of your shirt.

• 55:03H. Foley?

  His day to day?

• 55:05Speaker 02

  Day to day, I don't know. I fantasize about being on like a, a tight schedule, you know what I mean? You know, like waking up, waking up, doing this, doing that, doing, like actually growing, you know, as a person, but.

• 55:17Speaker 01

  Are you doing breakfast at the house?

• 55:19Speaker 02

  I'm gonna try to, I'm sorry, try to start cooking meals, you know?

• 55:22Speaker 01

  This guy, this is a guy who heard stuff.

• 55:24Speaker 02

  This is what I'm.

• 55:25Speaker 01

  Let's try to start cooking meals.

• 55:27H. Foley?

  This is what I'm saying.

• 55:28Speaker 02

  But then I start going like the business can't afford to have me down.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  No.

• 55:33H. Foley?

  You have to free yourself up.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, we gotta.

• 55:35Speaker 01

  Elon Musk is going to the grocery store and doing his own cooking? No.

• 55:38H. Foley?

  Free yourself up for great ideas.

• 55:41Speaker 01

  I can't be bogged down.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  It's true.

• 55:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:44Speaker 02

  It's.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  You gotta be out there thinking, creating.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Dude, I had, there's some, some guy once in a reel or something that I saw was like being.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  Real credible. Somebody somewhere once said something that I, that makes me feel good.

• 55:55Speaker 02

  He was like, yeah, it's like having, like, he was like, rich people get to time travel because they don't cook and they don't have to like do all this shit. All this shit gets done for them, you know?

• 56:05Speaker 01

  Was this the guy who's saying I get three days? There's that guy. He's like six to, six to noon is day one. Noon to six is day two or whatever it was. That guy's awesome. That's the kinda guy you need a Foley.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  Every time I hear someone say he does more before 10 a.m. than most people get done. I was like, let me see, let me see the fucking schedule.

• 56:23H. Foley?

  They do, they're gonna burly rich people. They get up real early in the morning.

• 56:26Speaker 02

  You know what I find rich people do?

• 56:27H. Foley?

  What?

• 56:28Speaker 02

  Rich people, the powerful people, they get up and they dump all of their anxieties on the underlings.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Are you powerful?

• 56:38Speaker 01

  Is there something you need to tell me?

• 56:39H. Foley?

  When's this? What, they're at the house?

• 56:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a, it's a trait I've noticed in, in extremely rich people is, uh, and I've seen this in a couple of different places where they'll still like live in nor, they'll still drink and do all that stuff, but they'll wake up and just send like 15 emails or texts. It's just stressing the, everybody the fuck out. And then afternoon when the hangover, hangover wears off, they check, they check in and they go, great work people, you did a good job.

• 57:08H. Foley?

  Take care of all this.

• 57:09Speaker 02

  They look like they're, they look like they're doing business.

• 57:11H. Foley?

  Fuck, I like that.

• 57:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude.

• 57:13H. Foley?

  I like to send all my anxieties out, take a nap, wake up and it'll all be taken care of. That's pretty sweet.

• 57:18Speaker 01

  Oh my God, I think I'm dying. I want to take a nap. Check that out for me.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:27Speaker 02

  I was really stumped you guys on that one.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, he's like, that's, I was, no, it was, yeah, he stumped me. I'm like, don't you kind of just text, isn't that kind of what every interaction you have is?

• 57:39H. Foley?

  I didn't have a nap today.

• 57:40Speaker 02

  It's a brilliant strategy.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  They still early.

• 57:44H. Foley?

  Very true.

• 57:45Speaker 02

  I, I aspire to get, to stop napping too.

• 57:48H. Foley?

  That's dumb.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  I know, but.

• 57:51H. Foley?

  Not napping.

• 57:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I get it. This is, this is the thing we were, this is, this is the thing we were talking about the other day.

• 57:55H. Foley?

  Listen, I've heard.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  You gotta earn it. To me, you gotta, I come from a, you gotta earn a nap.

• 58:00H. Foley?

  But if you're tired, you're not going to be able to, to, to do anything.

• 58:04Speaker 01

  I would say if you got up and did stuff, you wouldn't be as sluggish around 2:30 than you are.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  If you got up and got the juices going.

• 58:13H. Foley?

  I, my juices are going, baby.

• 58:14Speaker 01

  You pushed to the fucking sugar coma.

• 58:16H. Foley?

  I don't have a sugar coma.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:19H. Foley?

  Sugar.

• 58:20Speaker 01

  I'm a vegetable coma.

• 58:21Speaker 02

  I'm on, I'm on a dangerous, I'm on, I'm on the precipice of getting into some real fucking, really gay, annoying, self-help shit, you know what I mean?

• 58:29Speaker 01

  What are you thinking?

• 58:29Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying? Just like buying into all that stuff where it's like, if you start, if you nap, then your body's gonna prepare for a nap.

• 58:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:36Speaker 02

  And expect a nap.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  I mean, I don't think that's self-help.

• 58:39Speaker 02

  I think it, yeah, I know. I just don't like saying stuff like that out loud. You know what I mean?

• 58:43Speaker 01

  Well, what you gotta do is make your day into three days. Let me tell you how you do it.

• 58:48H. Foley?

  And I think if your body's telling you-

• 58:49Speaker 01

  Over here, Kippe Industries. I'm now, I'm now manipulating time.

• 58:54H. Foley?

  Listen, if your body's telling you it's tired, you need to-

• 58:56Speaker 02

  That is a clever way to defend a nap, to be like, I'm done with day one.

• 59:00Speaker 01

  I'm done with day one? Let me get two hours to start day two.

• 59:05Speaker 02

  I turn every day into two days.

• 59:08H. Foley?

  Ended up in a river.

• 59:08Speaker 01

  You should know.

• 59:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:10Speaker 01

  You know who wouldn't know? The guy who robbed your house.

• 59:12H. Foley?

  I think. If your body's telling you you need to sleep, you take a nap. I don't nap. I never nap.

• 59:18Speaker 01

  Personally.

• 59:18H. Foley?

  Never. Not never, but when's the last time you took a nap? Don't bring up Boston.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Tampa.

• 59:25H. Foley?

  Yeah, well, we were performing.

• 59:27Speaker 02

  Was that an anxiety nap?

• 59:28Speaker 01

  When was the last time I saw you during the day not in the office? You were napping.

• 59:32H. Foley?

  I was still in the process of re-regulating my circadian rhythm.

• 59:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:37H. Foley?

  All right.

• 59:39Speaker 02

  My rhythm's been fucking off.

• 59:40H. Foley?

  Which got a little out of whack a few, a few weeks ago.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  Yeah. My sleep's been nuts, dude. I've been doing that thing where like, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and not know whether I was just sleeping or I've been awake the whole time.

• 59:50H. Foley?

  Hold on a second. Let's back that up. Say it again?

• 59:54Speaker 01

  I thought you had issues.

• 59:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'll wake up in the middle of the night, I think, but then I won't be able to tell like whether I was just sleeping or not, or whether I just-

• 1:00:03H. Foley?

  Were up all night?

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  Been awake.

• 1:00:04H. Foley?

  I kinda know what you mean.

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  You're like lying in bed and you're like, I didn't really dream. I had like a bunch of weird- I was like thinking and then it got sloppy and now, now I'm back to-

• 1:00:15H. Foley?

  Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. That is so- Was I asleep?

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:00:20H. Foley?

  That's what you're saying.

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  Cause the first thing you do is you go, oh fuck, what the fuck time is it? And you're like, it's three. And it's like, but did I sleep? I think that's just blacking out with the lights on.

• 1:00:29H. Foley?

  No, no.

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  And your shoes and jeans on. What the heck?

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  My laptop's wet.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Was I at the mall?

• 1:00:38H. Foley?

  Were you drinking that night?

• 1:00:39Speaker 02

  No. No, I think that's the problem.

• 1:00:42H. Foley?

  Yes, I'm...

• 1:00:45Speaker 01

  I think a couple of brown cocktails, they shut the machine down.

• 1:00:52Speaker 01

  I have that too, though. With my sleepy and wank, it's like, I don't think I've ever slept through the night. I don't think ever.

• 1:00:59H. Foley?

  What?

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:01:01H. Foley?

  Dude, I have been out.

• 1:01:02Speaker 02

  I have, but it's a rare, it's like shooting the moon.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  The one time I remember, when I first started taking CBD, I don't know if it was like-

• 1:01:09H. Foley?

  CBD. Taking that CBD. They're taking the CBD. They're all jacked up on CBD. That's too many.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  One too many. I thought I pushed it. You still, everybody gave me the courtesy laugh? Thank you.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  I don't know if it was like psychosomatic or what, or I was just so anxious that that did take a little bit of the edge off and I was able to be like, whoa. But that was the first time I started sleeping through the night. And I kinda wanna go back, I kinda wanna start taking it again.

• 1:01:39H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  But my sleep is like, dude, I'm like an old fucking detective.

• 1:01:42H. Foley?

  When you say sleeping through the night, what do you mean? You're waking up?

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:45H. Foley?

  And you're waking up for extended periods of time?

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  Some.

• 1:01:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:49H. Foley?

  Like, 10 minutes?

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  10 minutes, sometimes an hour.

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:52H. Foley?

  Do you like go back on your phone? Is you up that long?

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  If I know I'm gonna be up, I'll go, um, I just gotta do this, just cuz I'm laying here and it's not, I'm not going down.

• 1:02:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, you run through the checklist.

• 1:02:02H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  Try to jack off.

• 1:02:05H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:02:06Speaker 02

  See if that does it, you know? You know, stir the tanks.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  There's been times where I'm laying there, I'm like, I'm not gonna do it.

• 1:02:16H. Foley?

  Go downstairs, start the car.

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  Get a cup of coffee.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  I did that, I did that the other night, yeah.

• 1:02:24H. Foley?

  What, start the car?

• 1:02:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, I went down, I went, I couldn't sleep.

• 1:02:27Speaker 01

  Started mowing a lawn?

• 1:02:29Speaker 02

  This was two nights ago, I, I couldn't sleep, I like, I woke up, same thing, couldn't tell whether I was actually slept or not, but I was wide awake. Went down and just pounded a bunch of spaghetti.

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  Oh, that'll do it.

• 1:02:40Speaker 02

  And then it fell right down, yeah.

• 1:02:42H. Foley?

  Spaghetti that was already made cold in the fridge?

• 1:02:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, didn't heat it up.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  There's a, there's a certain like, it feels like medicinal, cause you're like, you know, you're like, any, just click, ugh.

• 1:02:53Speaker 02

  Cold lasagna?

• 1:02:55H. Foley?

  We've, you told us this the first episode, we have been fascinated with it ever since, and-

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  Cold spaghetti.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  But don't you leave it in the oven or something?

• 1:03:04H. Foley?

  The lasagna.

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  Don't you leave the lasagna in the oven? Don't you do something like that?

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  I leave it in the fridge.

• 1:03:08H. Foley?

  No, but your mom, when your mom makes it, she leaves it in the oven like overnight or something, right? There was something about the oven.

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  Yes, you make it the night before and then let it sit to congeal.

• 1:03:18H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. Does that with cake, too.

• 1:03:21H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. Whole family, weird.

• 1:03:25H. Foley?

  But I had the cold-

• 1:03:26Speaker 02

  You got a system.

• 1:03:27H. Foley?

  I had the cold lasagna maybe, uh, five weeks ago? My sister-in-law, who makes a banging lasagna, had brought some over for my mom and it was in the fridge and it was cold. And I was like, eh, now it's time to prove O'Connor's theory.

• 1:03:42Speaker 02

  And?

• 1:03:42H. Foley?

  I concur, delicious.

• 1:03:43Speaker 02

  It's so fucking good, dude. You heat it up, you know?

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  Well, that's-

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  As you're eating it, you're heating it, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  Oh, that's a weird way to put it. That's so strange, dude.

• 1:03:54H. Foley?

  Your stomach is the microbe.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  I mean, all right, we gotta wrap it up, this guy's fucking-

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  I'm never gonna look at you the same, dude. I'm never gonna be able to eat again, thinking, I'll be like, you're heating it up.

• 1:04:08Speaker 02

  That's, I always fought people, cause they were like, don't drink cold water, you know? And it's like, it's getting heated. By the time it gets into the gut-

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  What do you mean you always fought people on that?

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  Cause I liked, when I, like, we'd be playing sports and stuff like that, they'd be like, you gotta have room temperature weather, otherwise you're gonna cramp.

• 1:04:24H. Foley?

  I'm drinking warm temperature Gatorade in the middle of a goddamn game? Fuck you!

• 1:04:27Speaker 02

  You gotta have ice cold.

• 1:04:29H. Foley?

  Ice cold.

• 1:04:30Speaker 02

  And I'll heat it up. There's no way when it gets to my stomach, it's still cold.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  Hey guys, I'm 98.6, and sometimes I run hot.

• 1:04:37H. Foley?

  That water's gotta be at least forty-five, forty-six degrees.

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  Body temp's a hundred.

• 1:04:41H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:42Speaker 02

  Sending it down like a heat tube. I was like, it's the same principle as an ice luge, just in reverse. You know, you pour like warm vodka down an ice luge.

• 1:04:50H. Foley?

  Very good.

• 1:04:51Speaker 02

  Ice cold by the time it gets to the bottom. Isn't that happening with the cold water into my stomach?

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  I don't hate it, again.

• 1:04:57H. Foley?

  Coach, you know what I'm talking about? That's pretty good. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Chris O'Connor. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Chris O'Connor.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  O'Connor. Plug away, buddy. Do you have any, do you have any dates coming up you wanna plug?

• 1:05:10Speaker 02

  Go to, uh, the worst website of all time, AChrisO'Connor.com. Everyone hates that. It's A-C-H-R-I-S-O-C-O-N-N-O-R. Everyone hates it. Never said it once to someone, had them go, "That's clever."

• 1:05:22Speaker 01

  Why you change it? That sounds like something-

• 1:05:24H. Foley?

  A Chris O'Connor?

• 1:05:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:26H. Foley?

  Like, you're A Chris-

• 1:05:27Speaker 02

  Cause everyone was doing like, you know, their like Gmail accounts and shit would be like, ChrisO'Connor75 or something like that. So I was like, no, I'm just A. Like I'm one of many.

• 1:05:37H. Foley?

  Just another Chris O'Connor.

• 1:05:39Speaker 01

  I remember having this conversation with him at the Raven Lounge.

• 1:05:41Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  Over like, at like the Pac-Man machine.

• 1:05:43H. Foley?

  What?

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  And he's like, sort of got like, right into the first part of the back bar, like downstairs.

• 1:05:49H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 1:05:50Speaker 01

  And he's going like-

• 1:05:51H. Foley?

  Well, you were gonna start the email.

• 1:05:53Speaker 02

  Well, I just, I did it.

• 1:05:54H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 1:05:55Speaker 01

  And he's like, "Yeah, I'm just A Chris O'Connor." I was like, "Yeah, whatever, dude."

• 1:05:57H. Foley?

  Man.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  "Are you a microwave? Cause you're freaking me out."

• 1:06:01H. Foley?

  That's how long we've been fucking boys. That's crazy.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:06H. Foley?

  Shit.

• 1:06:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:07H. Foley?

  Well, it still stinks.

• 1:06:10Speaker 02

  But yeah, I'm going on tour. I'm going to, uh, as many places as I possibly can. Gonna be in Alabama. When does this come out? Probably the weekend.

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  Next week, yeah.

• 1:06:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. Uh, this weekend. And then I'm going to Tempe, Arizona.

• 1:06:22H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 1:06:22Speaker 02

  Going to Baltimore.

• 1:06:23H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 1:06:24Speaker 02

  Going to fucking Seattle, Portland.

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  He's working, baby. Working the road.

• 1:06:29Speaker 02

  Saratoga Springs. I'm going, uh, yeah. Everywhere I possibly can.

• 1:06:33H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  So. Keep a lookout for that, please come. It'll be fun.

• 1:06:37Speaker 01

  Love it. You love it. Listen to Stuff Island?

• 1:06:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, Stuff Island.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  Watch out for tires.

• 1:06:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, tires coming out sometime in the, I assume, late summer, early fall. Very nice.

• 1:06:46Speaker 01

  Very cool.

• 1:06:47Speaker 02

  Depending on how quickly they can turn that thing around.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  Love it.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  Kaby, what do you got for them? Uh, guys, we're on the road right now. Uh, get your tickets to the Netflix's Joke Festival out there. We're at the...

• 1:06:58Speaker 02

  I'm gonna be at that, too.

• 1:06:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm gonna be at that!

• 1:07:00Speaker 02

  May 7th, I'm gonna be the Hollywood Improv Lab.

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  Let's go! May 7th, go see him, and then May 9th, come see the boys. Come see the boys. Uh, we love ya, and we'll see ya out there. Love ya, and we'll see ya next week.

• 1:07:09Speaker 02

  Peace.