Giggling about book press, tummy time, and mustaches

Hannah is trying to get her driver's license and Paige makes a bold statement about Hannah's fashion. order our book subscribe to our youtube sign up for our newsletter Audio excerpt courtesy of Simon & Schuster Audio from HOW TO GIGGLE by Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo, read by the authors. Copyright © 2025 by Giggly Squad LLC. Used with permission of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Paige DeSorbo?

  This podcast is supported by Planned Parenthood Federation of America. You know that one friend who's always there and actually does the thing they say they'll do? This is that, but healthcare. At Planned Parenthood Health Centers, providers, staff, and volunteers still show up even under relentless attacks every day to make sure patients can get the care they need. They'll keep showing up no matter what, and now they're asking you to join them. Make a gift of any size at PlannedParenthood.org/defend. This episode of Giggly Squad is brought to you by McDonald's. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese with Fries and a Drink now for $8 for a limited time only. You know I love getting McDonald's after a Giggly Squad live show, and we're going on tour again, which means my QPC order is about to be amazing.

• 0:44Paige DeSorbo?

  My Quarter Pounder with Cheese. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese uses 100% fresh beef cooked right when you order. No artificial flavors, colors, fillers, or preservatives. It's hand-topped with onions and two slices of cheese arranged in a star for that cheesy goodness in every bite. And lastly, perfectly placed pickles side by side. I absolutely love McDonald's, and for a limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. Fresh beef not available in Alaska and Hawaii. Offer not valid for delivery. Just to let you guys know, cold weather is back, but there's no need to dread this year thanks to Bombas. Their socks, slippers, and footwear help keep you warm all winter long.

• 1:28Paige DeSorbo?

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• 2:05Paige DeSorbo?

  Sup, Gigglers?

• 2:06Speaker 01

  Gary, fix your Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

• 2:15Paige DeSorbo?

  I mean, the day just got away from me.

• 2:18Hannah Berner?

  What's up, my Gilded Age gigglers? We read now. We read, like, when was the Gilded Age?

• 2:25Paige DeSorbo?

  Um.

• 2:27Hannah Berner?

  Hmm, too much, too many questions.

• 2:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, what the hell?

• 2:31Hannah Berner?

  That was crazy, I'm sorry. That was crazy.

• 2:33Paige DeSorbo?

  I thought you were talking about the TV show.

• 2:35Hannah Berner?

  I kind of was, but I was trying to reference our book that the girls are reading like it's...

• 2:42Paige DeSorbo?

  The only other activity.

• 2:44Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 2:44Paige DeSorbo?

  The girls are reading like the internet is out.

• 2:49Hannah Berner?

  Girl, the girls, by the way, have been tagging us. It's so funny who's Paige and Hannah coded. Like, the Paige coded...

• 2:58Paige DeSorbo?

  No, Hannah, it's hilarious. The Paige coded book tags, there's flowers in the background. It's aesthetic. There's a candle lit, like, someone's nail is in it. Yeah, like, the Hannahs are like, here's my dog and my cup of coffee, and I got the book, guys.

• 3:17Hannah Berner?

  And the dog is eating the book.

• 3:18Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I mean, this is so Hannah.

• 3:20Hannah Berner?

  And also, the Hannah coded ones, they go crazy with the fonts on Insta stories. They're wild with the fonts. The Paige fonts are the little cute, tiny, adorable.

• 3:31Paige DeSorbo?

  One girl was, like, bedazzling her book, and I was just like, oh, it's stunning.

• 3:35Hannah Berner?

  You guys, the response from the book has been fucking insane. If you haven't got it, I was just saying it's number five in Amazon in all books, which is crazy, because Amazon invented books.

• 3:44Paige DeSorbo?

  No.

• 3:47Hannah Berner?

  They thought books originated in the Gilded Age from amazon.com.

• 3:50Paige DeSorbo?

  I feel like the kids don't know that enough. Like, I don't think there's enough Gen Z that know that Amazon started as, like, that's where you got your textbooks.

• 3:58Hannah Berner?

  Jeff Bezos was a librarian.

• 4:01Paige DeSorbo?

  No, it's crazy. Now he looks like Vin Diesel.

• 4:05Hannah Berner?

  Been diesel, we got put in the microwave. I'm allowed to shit on Jeff Bezos.

• 4:10Paige DeSorbo?

  I feel like, yeah, why can't you?

• 4:13Hannah Berner?

  I'm allowed to shit on all the billionaires that are trying to like, look like Justin Bieber now. I mean, pre, not Justin Bieber now, but like Mark Zuckerberg, who looks like he's dropping an album.

• 4:24Paige DeSorbo?

  You know why we need to become billionaires?

• 4:26Hannah Berner?

  Why?

• 4:27Paige DeSorbo?

  I mean, a plethora of reasons.

• 4:28Hannah Berner?

  You have to sell a couple more books.

• 4:30Paige DeSorbo?

  A plethora of reasons, but I think that we would be like the world's first billionaires that like, well, no, I feel like Melinda Gates does like a lot of really good stuff. But like, I feel like we would be the first billionaires to just be like, improving our sleep situation. You know, like, you know, like, we're spending money where like, where like, it really counts to us.

• 4:54Hannah Berner?

  Let's just say when we got our mattress, mattress firm deal, we went off.

• 4:58Paige DeSorbo?

  No. I've never been inside of a mattress firm more than when they were like, let's work together. I was like, let's post up. I went like four times to try out beds because I literally couldn't make my mind up. And then I got one and I slept on it for like four nights and I was like, switch it out. And like, I mean, I worked with them, you know, like we were texting.

• 5:22Hannah Berner?

  No, your mattress, like people who sleep well don't murder people. You know the Legally Blonde quote?

• 5:28Paige DeSorbo?

  And not to sound like a lady of the night, but like I've gotten so many compliments on my mattress.

• 5:41Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, it's just like, I'm like, I think it's the whole, when someone says that to me, I'm like, I'm gonna be honest. Thank you for that compliment. I love that. But I think it's the whole ambiance and you're actually selling it short. My room is calm. Like, it is very important to me that my bedroom has nothing to do with my outside life. So like, I will not allow the chaos and the bad energy of my life to get into my bedroom. That I bring into my bedroom.

• 6:14Paige DeSorbo?

  I almost need to like hypnotize myself when I walk into my room to be like this.

• 6:21Hannah Berner?

  You don't talk enough about how like you realize you're the one that brought bad energy to your own function. You're sitting there alone and you were like, what's with the negative energy?

• 6:30Paige DeSorbo?

  And it's just me and Daphne. And I'm like, do you feel that?

• 6:36Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, one thing I I learned this week about Daphne is I truly did birth this freaking cat. Because when we're laying on the couch together, she's like, fine, like she's on the ground sometimes. Sometimes she's on the couch, but she's not ever snuggling with me on the couch. Like, it's our own separate time.

• 6:54Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 6:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Recently, when we've been getting in the bed, she's been getting like jacked up. Like, I've been getting in bed earlier this past week because we had to get up so so much earlier. And every time I got in at like eight o'clock, she's snuggling. Like, she's on my head, she's on my chest, she's like, this is so fun. And I'm just like, the fact that I realized this week that you love the bed.

• 7:20Hannah Berner?

  Well, the funniest thing was we had to wake up at like 7 a.m. for something. And you said Daphne literally looked at you and was like, no.

• 7:27Paige DeSorbo?

  No.

• 7:28Hannah Berner?

  I'm not moving.

• 7:29Paige DeSorbo?

  I turned the lights on and it was as if I had like stolen her kittens. Because she gave me, she opened one eye, looked at me and was like, are you fucking serious? Like, turn the light off.

• 7:39Hannah Berner?

  She's like, Mom!

• 7:41Paige DeSorbo?

  I knew that's what she was saying to me, like, turn the light off, you idiot.

• 7:44Hannah Berner?

  I was really busy last night running around and air puking and I need my full sleep. But, oh, the all the gigglers posting their pets in the background with their book is literally giving me life. And I'm judging everyone's nails in a good way because, you know, I'm like obsessed with people's nails. I'm like, cute, love. And then people's rugs, some girls out here have a cute ass rug. Well, because they're doing like their rug with their little coffee table. I'm obsessed now with the aesthetic.

• 8:09Paige DeSorbo?

  The pages.

• 8:10Hannah Berner?

  Thank you to the pages.

• 8:14Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, for keeping your story viewing aesthetic.

• 8:18Hannah Berner?

  Well, I think.

• 8:18Paige DeSorbo?

  It's a tough job.

• 8:19Hannah Berner?

  What we did accidentally with the book is that it's a coffee table book that is funny. What what other coffee table books make you laugh? Most of them give me FOMO. I'm like, I wish I was on the Amalfi Coast right now.

• 8:32Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, that's so true. What's like one takeaway from the book tour that you were just like?

• 8:41Paige DeSorbo?

  So crazy.

• 8:42Hannah Berner?

  That people have said to us?

• 8:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, or like, what was your favorite part? Or like, what was something that you were like, this is cool?

• 8:48Hannah Berner?

  I did have fun on Good Morning America.

• 8:51Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 8:51Hannah Berner?

  It's so funny, I have so much fun when you don't. Um, there's a pattern here.

• 8:57Hannah Berner?

  I walked into Good Morning America. Melinda Gates waves at us. We have no idea who she is, but we're like, what a sweet, sweet woman. We like her vibe, we wave back. And then I see Gino, who just won UConn's Women's Basketball NCAA Championship. So I'm like, Gino, I love you. You're like, who are you yelling at?

• 9:14Paige DeSorbo?

  I feel like you talked to so many people at Good Morning America.

• 9:17Hannah Berner?

  I work at Good Morning America.

• 9:19Paige DeSorbo?

  Who is that?

• 9:20Hannah Berner?

  Then Michael Strahan was there and I was like, we love you, Michael.

• 9:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, I saw a video of that and I didn't even see him walk by because me and Lara were in like such a deep convo.

• 9:29Hannah Berner?

  You guys were gossiping, I see Michael Strahan and I say, Michael, obsessed with you. He turns away, but then I realized from the other camera, he goes, love you guys too. So I was making friends with everyone that day.

• 9:41Paige DeSorbo?

  You truly were.

• 9:42Hannah Berner?

  And that made me really happy. And then meeting the gigglers has been so fun. That one girl was like, can I do the worm in Barnes and Nobles? And Barnes and Nobles is like, we're gonna have to ask you guys to leave.

• 9:52Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, they were like, it's not our typical crowd.

• 9:55Hannah Berner?

  No, people thought there was a Sephora sale going on at Barnes and Nobles.

• 9:59Paige DeSorbo?

  Me.

• 10:01Paige DeSorbo?

  I literally got out of, I was driving by Barnes and Noble and like, if you see a line of girls and like, you can tell what kind of girls, like, I immediately am like, oh, sample sale today, like I wonder.

• 10:14Hannah Berner?

  Girls with taste and who are in the know and well read.

• 10:17Paige DeSorbo?

  I was like, I wonder what like, like spaces right there that there's like all these girls. And I was like, it's a lot of girls. It's gotta be like a reformation sale or something. The bitches are lining up for aloe yoga. And then when I got out of the car and it was for us, I was like, there's just no way. I was like, guys, I thought it was a sample sale.

• 10:35Hannah Berner?

  You know, I used to hang out at Barnes and Nobles after school, like in midtown. That's like what the kids did. You just like.

• 10:41Paige DeSorbo?

  No way.

• 10:42Hannah Berner?

  You'd sit on, in like between an aisle and like get a magazine.

• 10:47Paige DeSorbo?

  That is so emo. That's so New York City emo, I feel like.

• 10:51Hannah Berner?

  And it wasn't like in a mall. It was just a random Barnes and Noble on the corner. Uh, but then you'd get a Starbucks and you'd that? What was better than that? What was better than your eight dollar Starbucks and you always got the most unhealthy one that you're gonna shit your pants immediately? But you're like, yeah, I got the vanilla strawberry extra fudge dessert.

• 11:07Paige DeSorbo?

  I feel like I missed that like part of childhood.

• 11:10Hannah Berner?

  What were you? Oh, you were modeling?

• 11:12Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I mean, like, we weren't like, we couldn't just like go places by ourselves. We couldn't drive.

• 11:17Hannah Berner?

  No, New York was crazy and we were allowed to do anything except drive.

• 11:24Hannah Berner?

  And to this day, I can't drive. I realize there's a lot of New Yorkers that can't drive. Me, Ashley Gavin, who's a comedian. Michael Che can't. I think we have to all unite. Cause I'm past the point of like getting my driver's license. I now have like an emotional blockage. Like, actually, I need, this is a PSA. Are there any gigglers that work at the DMV? Cause I don't want you to cheat for me, but I just need you to like hold my hand.

• 11:50Paige DeSorbo?

  This is borderline illegal.

• 11:51Hannah Berner?

  Is this, am I extorting the gigglers?

• 11:54Paige DeSorbo?

  This is literally bribing a public official.

• 11:57Hannah Berner?

  Don't tell anyone I said this. This is between us. But I just want a giggler in the vicinity while I do it to make me feel calmer. Cause I feel like when I get in the car with them, they're rooting against you and I don't like that energy.

• 12:08Paige DeSorbo?

  If a giggler can tell me about my vagina, I think a giggler can help us get you a license, you know?

• 12:14Hannah Berner?

  Look, I don't wanna cheat, but I would like some support.

• 12:18Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. No, I get that.

• 12:21Hannah Berner?

  Look, I bring you a lasagna.

• 12:23Paige DeSorbo?

  When it comes to driving, like, I don't, I truly don't think that you have to ever get your driver's license if you plan on living in New York City for the rest of your life. Like, I really.

• 12:34Hannah Berner?

  This is the problem. My parents are in Long Island. If I wanna see them. Also, if I have children and I want them to go to soccer practice, like, I need it.

• 12:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Totally, but like if you're in the city, you jump on the subway, you get in a car if you're going out to Long Island, like, unless Uber goes away, but like, I feel like you could navigate it.

• 12:54Hannah Berner?

  You're enabling my bad behavior.

• 12:55Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, I'm not trying to.

• 12:57Hannah Berner?

  Am I good for the environment? Yes. People don't talk about that.

• 13:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Is your carbon footprint zero?

• 13:02Hannah Berner?

  Zero. No one talks about it. No one talks about it.

• 13:07Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm out here doing hairspray campaigns. Hannah's not driving, okay?

• 13:12Hannah Berner?

  You're the reason the ozone layer is broken.

• 13:14Paige DeSorbo?

  We even each other out, okay? My only question is, and I, maybe this is just how my brain is wired. I think about living in New York City a lot in terms of like, if something were to happen, because we live in such a targeted city. Everything runs in New York City. If something happened in New York City where we had to get out, like we had to get out quick, or like you had to jump in a car. And like at some point, someone was like, you have to drive. In that situation, do you think about that? Like, oh, what if something happened? Would I be able to, like, do you think in that situation, you'd be able to do it? And if the answer is yes, then I don't think you ever need a license. And if the answer is no,

• 13:59Hannah Berner?

  Well, shout out to all the people who have their license right now. But like, like my grandpa, I didn't want to bring him up. My grandpa was 92, out here in these streets, wildin'. Like, I was gonna report that man. I was like, how does he have a license?

• 14:15Paige DeSorbo?

  Probably shouldn't have been.

• 14:17Hannah Berner?

  There's people who should not have licenses that have licenses.

• 14:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Totally.

• 14:21Hannah Berner?

  And for people who remember, who remember the past, I did pass it at one point, except I hit the curb at the end and my dad didn't approve, whatever. Long story short, it expired. But I do think that I get really bad anxiety and I envision myself failing. I have no positive self-talk with it.

• 14:41Hannah Berner?

  And I just, I'm, I don't know what to do, but I think I have to get it this summer.

• 14:46Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, so it's a summer goal. You did answer the question, though. In a time of crisis, would you be able to drive us over the George Washington, bitch? My, both my legs are broken.

• 14:58Hannah Berner?

  Both your hands are broken.

• 14:59Paige DeSorbo?

  And my hand, and I lost my hands.

• 15:03Hannah Berner?

  Okay, so in college in Wisconsin, where everyone drives, my teammate got out of the car to drop something off. And I was just sitting in the car and a cop pulled over and was like, hey, you have to move your vehicle. And I looked at him and I was like,

• 15:16Paige DeSorbo?

  And you're like, I'm a statue, essentially.

• 15:18Hannah Berner?

  I can't. And he's like, why? And I was like, I, I, but I was like too embarrassed to say it. And we had this very, I thought I was gonna get arrested. I was like, I'm a baby.

• 15:28Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I know, literally. That's what you said. You were like, I can't.

• 15:31Hannah Berner?

  I'm a little baby. I don't know. And then I got my permit once. And I was with a bunch of like important adults and they needed me to drive something. And I like pretended that I could drive, but I was so scared.

• 15:44Paige DeSorbo?

  And did you drive?

• 15:46Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, but it was Shelter Island, so there's like not one stoplight.

• 15:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, so you could do it.

• 15:52Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, I could do it, but like if you were like, okay Hannah, if you mess up this parallel park, everyone in your family dies. My whole family's dead. Like they're gone.

• 15:59Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, I'm gonna tell you something. I've never parallel parked once in my life. I parallel parked once on my road test when I was 16 and I'm 32. I've, I fucked it up and he was like, you're fine. I know you know how to do it.

• 16:11Hannah Berner?

  You didn't hit the curb. Okay, good.

• 16:12Paige DeSorbo?

  But I wasn't close to the curb. I, I was, I was a problem in the opposite way.

• 16:17Hannah Berner?

  You're the right kind of problem.

• 16:19Paige DeSorbo?

  I was in the middle of the street. I was like, this is fine.

• 16:21Hannah Berner?

  Wait, so technically you don't even have to do it. You could be like, just to duck the points. I didn't hit the curb because I didn't move the car. Can we move on?

• 16:28Paige DeSorbo?

  No, you have to do it.

• 16:30Hannah Berner?

  I shouldn't be trying to get around it. This is not good. I will learn, but I have to take lessons. So that's also. You guys, your ego's not your amigo.

• 16:40Paige DeSorbo?

  No.

• 16:42Hannah Berner?

  And that's where I'm at right now.

• 16:43Paige DeSorbo?

  And that's where we're at.

• 16:44Hannah Berner?

  I'm fighting the good fight emotionally.

• 16:46Paige DeSorbo?

  Um, one thing I wanted to bring up because I was watching Righteous Gemstones, which.

• 16:52Hannah Berner?

  Hmm.

• 16:53Paige DeSorbo?

  Is really.

• 16:54Hannah Berner?

  Get into it.

• 16:55Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, this is the last season, so it's like, it's fine, but some, an actress that people I feel like don't talk about enough, that's hilarious. Is Megan Mullally.

• 17:06Hannah Berner?

  Who is that? I'm Googling her right now.

• 17:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, she was in, did you ever watch, um.

• 17:13Hannah Berner?

  What a good name.

• 17:14Paige DeSorbo?

  Will and Grace.

• 17:15Hannah Berner?

  Oh yeah, she's iconic.

• 17:17Paige DeSorbo?

  She was Karen in Will and Grace.

• 17:19Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, she has the best voice ever.

• 17:21Paige DeSorbo?

  And she's in this season of Gemstones and like every time I see her pop up in something, like she's in Parks and Recreation a lot, like her husband is like the main, one of the main guys in Parks.

• 17:30Hannah Berner?

  So her husband is Nick Offerman.

• 17:32Paige DeSorbo?

  Yes.

• 17:34Hannah Berner?

  Got it.

• 17:34Paige DeSorbo?

  And sometimes he would, she would go on Parks and Rec and like play his ex-wife, even though they were like married in real life. She's just so funny and I truly don't feel like people give her enough of flowers. Like she's just as iconic as anyone else in that, in her, um, like of her peers. But like, I feel like no one ever talks about her. And so I just want to bring awareness to her.

• 18:01Hannah Berner?

  That show was incredible and also I feel like made serious moves for the gay community.

• 18:07Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I actually re-watched Will and Grace like start to finish, um, like a year ago. It's such a good sitcom. Like I could, like it's so funny now. I couldn't imagine how funny it was when it was on TV, like that early 2000s.

• 18:23Hannah Berner?

  Yeah. Um, so last week, we're doing all this book press and Paige looks at me and she goes, "That's weird. You don't have any gays on your team."

• 18:35Hannah Berner?

  And I was like, "Well, the gays are in high demand and the best gays are currently busy right now." And she's like, "Explains a lot." And walks away. And you have two gays on your team.

• 18:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, but when Lucio comes, then it's like, "I have three gays."

• 18:51Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, Lucio's three.

• 18:53Paige DeSorbo?

  And so it was just an observation because I saw my gays huddled and chatting. And I'm like, "The best gossip is probably happening in that, in that like little circle right now." But I lit, but I'm working. I can't even go over to see like what they're chatting about. And as I turned and looked at Hannah, I was like, "Oh, she's by all women." Which like, I'm also all women team too, but like, I just made the observation like, "Oh, you don't have any gays."

• 19:21Hannah Berner?

  I love how you're like, "I have all women, even though there's multiple male gays." But you're like, "But it's all women."

• 19:27Hannah Berner?

  Well, there's no straight men in the vicinity. I would say there's probably women on my team who've made out with girls before.

• 19:32Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay.

• 19:33Hannah Berner?

  But it doesn't, it, no, it doesn't count the same.

• 19:36Paige DeSorbo?

  So we're just gonna get you some gays.

• 19:38Hannah Berner?

  Well, we were in Fallon and we were trying to think of like, good stories to tell and you wanted to tell the story about how Radio City, they wanted, they asked us if we could come out.

• 19:48Paige DeSorbo?

  From the stage.

• 19:49Hannah Berner?

  The stage, but it was gonna cost $8,000. And I was like, who the fuck do you think we are? What's the name of the gay magician? And I looked at one of your gays and he was like, why are you looking at me?

• 20:04Hannah Berner?

  And he goes, you're talking about Liberace who's a musician, not a magician?

• 20:07Paige DeSorbo?

  He was like, first that was targeted and second, I knew that you got it wrong and here's the answer.

• 20:12Hannah Berner?

  He goes, that was a hate crime. This is actually what you wanted to hear.

• 20:15Paige DeSorbo?

  And then he helped you out at the end because that's how the gays are. They'll read you, but then help.

• 20:21Hannah Berner?

  So anyway, I am in the lookout for a gay on my team.

• 20:25Paige DeSorbo?

  I just, I think it's important.

• 20:27Hannah Berner?

  Blake Lee Thornton is one of my best friends, but he's very busy and.

• 20:31Paige DeSorbo?

  He's busy.

• 20:32Hannah Berner?

  He's busy. He texts me sometimes ideas about my career, but I wouldn't say he's fully on the team. So that's something I will work on. What is, wait, I didn't ask you, what is, what's your favorite moment from the book press tour so far? What's your rose and thorn?

• 20:47Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, what's my rose and thorn? I've been obsessed with my looks. There was one day.

• 20:53Hannah Berner?

  That's your answer always. I did like my outfit.

• 20:57Paige DeSorbo?

  I did because it is the first thing, I'm authentic. It is the first thing that pops into my head.

• 21:02Hannah Berner?

  8 a.m. when Paige likes her outfit, she's gleaming. I'm like, what are you so fucking happy about? And she's like, my outfit.

• 21:08Paige DeSorbo?

  It's actually so bad. Like, my whole mood is based on how I look and I should really deal with that in therapy. Like dive into it. It's not good.

• 21:18Hannah Berner?

  But it helps you also look good because if you don't look good, you wanna off yourself.

• 21:22Paige DeSorbo?

  You don't play good. You don't look good, you don't play good. And some would argue, it's not just like looking good every day. It's looking good on like Good Morning America. Like, it's stressful, you know?

• 21:33Hannah Berner?

  See, I'm taking risks and when I don't nail it, I say, you have to take a risk and.

• 21:39Paige DeSorbo?

  No, here's what people don't know about you Hannah, and I'm here to like, say it. As a fashion icon, because I think that you are entering fashion icon territory.

• 21:52Paige DeSorbo?

  You have fun. You, if you, you really want to be like a Julia Fox type, but you're like, it's really not my brand. So you go as far as you can go and feel comfortable. And like, you're giving vibes. You're not giving like Anna Wintor, like she put this together. You're giving like generation. Like people will look back and be like, what was going on fiscally?

• 22:21Hannah Berner?

  It was a recession. It's giving recession.

• 22:26Paige DeSorbo?

  I feel like I keep getting those TikToks, like recession indicators.

• 22:30Hannah Berner?

  Hannah in fake glasses everywhere.

• 22:37Hannah Berner?

  Hannah in Good Morning America in a sweater set.

• 22:40Paige DeSorbo?

  There is a recession approaching. Hannah Werner wore lilac on morning TV.

• 22:47Hannah Berner?

  My thing is, if I'm going to work with a stylist, I want to put together something that I can't do on my own. And I can't buy on my own. And that'll be fun.

• 22:55Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, my favorite looks from this whole press tour of yours was when we went to Glamour magazine.

• 23:00Hannah Berner?

  Oh my God. Wait, I don't, you guys know I'm really good and I never go in the comments. Giggly Squad posted one of the videos. We got on the wrong side of something. People were mad.

• 23:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Why?

• 23:14Hannah Berner?

  They literally were like, Hannah needs to burn it. Hannah.

• 23:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, are you kidding? Okay. Here's the thing. Your outfit for Glamour was very New York City coded.

• 23:24Hannah Berner?

  Thank you. Thank you.

• 23:26Paige DeSorbo?

  So I don't, so yes, you're going to get a lot of hate from Ohio over.

• 23:32Hannah Berner?

  Thank you.

• 23:32Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay. And I'm here to let you know it's fine.

• 23:35Hannah Berner?

  I love how you go, let me, as someone who's been through that.

• 23:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Let me hold your hand when I say this. You don't want them to get it. Okay? You don't want them to say, great outfit.

• 23:46Hannah Berner?

  And I do have to say, I think the page coded girls are, are appreciating. The work, the art.

• 23:54Paige DeSorbo?

  The page coded girls can appreciate the effort and the risk.

• 24:00Hannah Berner?

  Yes.

• 24:00Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, like, these girls are out here with bangs and it's about to be summer. We like a risk, you know? Like, we're not stable.

• 24:08Hannah Berner?

  Are you keeping the bangs for summer?

• 24:11Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I love my bangs.

• 24:13Hannah Berner?

  You do? I kind of want you one day to, this might, something, you might have to be really going through something, which you have.

• 24:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, that could come up next week.

• 24:23Hannah Berner?

  Really short ones.

• 24:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Short ones, oh yeah, you're always out to sabotage.

• 24:27Hannah Berner?

  But maybe they're fake, like, just for a photo shoot.

• 24:30Paige DeSorbo?

  Maybe. I could do, like, I, you know what I wanna do, like, I've always wanted to do it, but I feel like, honestly, the reason I haven't is because I am scared people are gonna be like, "Oh my god, enough with her." But I wanna do a photo shoot.

• 24:42Hannah Berner?

  Society's always this close to that with women. They're like, "If she posts one more thing."

• 24:46Paige DeSorbo?

  One more thing. If I, if I accomplish one more thing, I'm, I'm actually done for.

• 24:50Hannah Berner?

  You've hit your quota, babe.

• 24:51Paige DeSorbo?

  I know, I literally.

• 24:53Hannah Berner?

  Also, it's not like you're, like, you got out of a relationship, like, let her live.

• 24:59Paige DeSorbo?

  No, like, literally, women get out of a relationship and they're like, "And I'll be president." I'm literally running for office. Wait, now, what was I gonna frickin' say?

• 25:08Hannah Berner?

  Oh, you were, wait, rewind it, Grace, rewind it.

• 25:14Hannah Berner?

  You were gonna say, "Fuck." I wasn't listening to you. I wasn't listening to you.

• 25:18Paige DeSorbo?

  No, you never listen to me.

• 25:20Hannah Berner?

  No, I've never listened to you once.

• 25:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Shoot, it'll come back.

• 25:23Hannah Berner?

  Oh, you were saying at a photo shoot.

• 25:25Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, yeah. I want to, like, recreate some of Audrey Hepburn's, like, most iconic looks.

• 25:31Hannah Berner?

  Thank you!

• 25:31Paige DeSorbo?

  And, like, do a photo shoot and, like, but, but I was like, what, I'm just gonna, like, do this photo shoot for nothing? And then post the pictures and people will be like, "Okay, for what?"

• 25:42Hannah Berner?

  Well, I think you do the photo shoot and then you keep it for, like, some press that comes. And then go, like, "I have, I have the looks."

• 25:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, it could just, like, be fun, like, whatever.

• 25:52Hannah Berner?

  Or you just do an Audrey Hepburn calendar. That's what they used to do back in the Gilded Age. They would do calendars, like, for firefighters.

• 25:58Paige DeSorbo?

  And, like, I'll mail it to my boyfriend.

• 26:00Hannah Berner?

  Yes, that's what you do, and your mom.

• 26:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 26:04Hannah Berner?

  No, the Audrey Hepburn.

• 26:05Paige DeSorbo?

  Maybe I'll do it for, like, a birthday shoot or something.

• 26:07Hannah Berner?

  You with a pixie cut is gonna change the world, you just don't know it yet, but it's fine. I just think I'm a cup, like... As your best friend, I have a vision. I have a vision and like, but I can't force you to do things.

• 26:19Paige DeSorbo?

  Right, that's so true. No, we know that.

• 26:23Paige DeSorbo?

  I have to do things on my own time.

• 26:25Hannah Berner?

  Yes. Also with the photo shoots though, and I don't know if you feel this too, but like, you kind of feel like you have to keep outdoing yourself.

• 26:33Paige DeSorbo?

  Totally.

• 26:34Hannah Berner?

  So like, that's why I wore no pants.

• 26:38Hannah Berner?

  I know why Playboy happens.

• 26:40Paige DeSorbo?

  You were like, if Paige can put a tie on and act like she thought of it, like, I can take my pants off.

• 26:46Hannah Berner?

  I think it actually wasn't planned. It was like, I put on the top and then...

• 26:50Paige DeSorbo?

  You were literally mid getting dressed and you were like, whatever, just do like one like this. I know you.

• 26:54Hannah Berner?

  I literally was like, is this giving cunt? I was like, you guys, is this giving cunt?

• 26:58Paige DeSorbo?

  Here's the other thing, here's the other thing that I don't, that people wouldn't necessarily know, especially like, if you don't live in New York City and you, if you were one of the people that don't live in New York City and you didn't like Hannah's glamour outfits.

• 27:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Raise your hand. I'm just taking a poll.

• 27:21Hannah Berner?

  Show yourselves. Show yourselves. Stand up.

• 27:27Hannah Berner?

  Go to the back of the class, turn around. Forehead to the chalkboard.

• 27:33Hannah Berner?

  You're under arrest.

• 27:37Paige DeSorbo?

  What I need you guys to also know is Hannah is so creative. So like even at a photo shoot, you're coming up with like creative visions. You're like, what if we did this? What if we hung from that? And like, three out of every 10 ideas are like usable, but you're coming up with them. You know, like you're, so when you're at a photo shoot and you're like, oh, let's just like try it with no pants. I know what was happening behind the scenes there.

• 28:05Hannah Berner?

  Well, that is so true. That is how I play this game of life. I'm failing, failing, failing, failing. One success. This is what they say, even a blind squirrel finds a nut.

• 28:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 28:17Hannah Berner?

  Every now and then.

• 28:19Paige DeSorbo?

  I would classify us as blind squirrels.

• 28:22Hannah Berner?

  We're just two blind squirrels trying to find some nuts.

• 28:24Paige DeSorbo?

  No, Hannah's literally got me on Calteen bars, actually. There's always a peanut butter bar at somewhere in the vicinity. And if there's not, Grace is on her way to get a peanut butter bar.

• 28:35Hannah Berner?

  Okay, so we're obsessed with the peanut butter bars at Starbucks, which is like a full meal.

• 28:39Paige DeSorbo?

  The perfect bars, perfect.

• 28:40Hannah Berner?

  Perfect bars. And I was about to do one of the signings and I was like, Grace, I need a peanut butter bar.

• 28:47Paige DeSorbo?

  But no, they are, but I was eating them like literal, like it was going out of style. And then Hannah goes, yeah, there's like 400 calories in these. They're like protein bars. It's a meal replacement. I go, a meal replacement? I've been having them as a sweet treat.

• 29:03Hannah Berner?

  And then you yelled and then you had a piece of peanut butter in your tooth while you were yelling. And Barnes and Nobles shook, all the books started to shake. Also, so giggly coated at Barnes and Noble, Lactaid came through with the best lactose free ice cream. 100% real milk, real dairy, so good. I ate so much of it.

• 29:22Paige DeSorbo?

  No, it was so good to have a sweet treat after my hand was cramping and to hold something cold. You didn't care.

• 29:29Hannah Berner?

  I also left with, yeah, I think, I was like, ice it with the ice cream, figure it out.

• 29:34Paige DeSorbo?

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• 30:19Paige DeSorbo?

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• 31:01Paige DeSorbo?

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• 31:05Hannah Berner?

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• 31:27Paige DeSorbo?

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• 32:10Paige DeSorbo?

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• 32:51Paige DeSorbo?

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• 33:33Paige DeSorbo?

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• 34:17Hannah Berner?

  Has anyone checked on Grace? Is Grace okay after this press run?

• 34:21Paige DeSorbo?

  No.

• 34:22Hannah Berner?

  Actually...

• 34:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Poor Grace.

• 34:24Hannah Berner?

  Grace, this is the thing. Grace doesn't want this life.

• 34:28Paige DeSorbo?

  No.

• 34:28Hannah Berner?

  She doesn't want fame. She doesn't want to be at the forefront of anything. At Barnes and Noble, girls are coming up to us.

• 34:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 34:35Hannah Berner?

  Barely making eye contact and saying, "Where's Grace?"

• 34:39Hannah Berner?

  And I look and I said, Grace, I'm sorry. This is, this is what your life is now. So Grace is getting very popular despite the fact she doesn't want to. She's very scared.

• 34:49Paige DeSorbo?

  She's very scared. She's very, she's, here's the thing. She is shy, but she's not.

• 34:59Hannah Berner?

  Well, this is the thing. We can't fully understand it. I look at her in the eye. I said, Grace, I will never understand what you're going through right now. Cause you're getting attention and you don't want it. So I don't even know where to begin with this conversation, but I'm here for you. I will.

• 35:13Paige DeSorbo?

  I respect you.

• 35:14Hannah Berner?

  What did they say in Wicked? I will hold space for you.

• 35:17Paige DeSorbo?

  I wouldn't know.

• 35:18Hannah Berner?

  But when I see attention, I say, give me that.

• 35:21Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 35:23Hannah Berner?

  That's why we work so well together.

• 35:25Paige DeSorbo?

  Actually, this is a fun question. When you're home for a holiday, like, okay, for Easter, who was like at the dinner table?

• 35:34Hannah Berner?

  Oh, okay. This was actually kinda sad.

• 35:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay. I didn't mean to do that.

• 35:42Hannah Berner?

  No, cause my brother lives in Indiana now.

• 35:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. Wait, this is my first holiday without my brother.

• 35:48Hannah Berner?

  Wait, he went to his girlfriend's?

• 35:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 35:51Hannah Berner?

  No, like life starts getting weird and you realize like, oh my God, I took for granted every holiday.

• 35:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Weird.

• 35:57Hannah Berner?

  And you know, when you're at the table with your brother and you're like, can we leave and play Nintendo? This sucks.

• 36:02Paige DeSorbo?

  No, well, I had to like, I always disappear at some point in like the evening. And I was like, wait, I can't, they're gonna notice.

• 36:10Hannah Berner?

  You're the only kid. You're the only kid. I mean, you are the favorite, but it comes with a lot of responsibility.

• 36:16Paige DeSorbo?

  It was weird. Okay. So it's, so, so far it's you.

• 36:20Hannah Berner?

  So it was me. Normally it's my dad and Papa, but they went to, um, the other side of the families. We were very, this is also a thing. Like we're not very religious. So like, Easter's not on the top of our.

• 36:34Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I feel like, I feel like for everyone, like Easter is not like the biggest.

• 36:37Hannah Berner?

  Yeah. And Dez.

• 36:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Family celebration.

• 36:39Hannah Berner?

  Dez had to do cellar spots. So he was in the city. So it was literally me, my mom, my dad and the cats.

• 36:46Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, I love that. Okay. So say it's not.

• 36:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Let's forget it's a friend dinner.

• 36:54Paige DeSorbo?

  Thank you so much for that small sad tale.

• 36:59Hannah Berner?

  Wait, do you know I texted your mom yesterday?

• 37:02Paige DeSorbo?

  I should have known you were bored.

• 37:03Hannah Berner?

  Did you get jealous?

• 37:05Paige DeSorbo?

  No, because my mom was like, Hannah texted me happy Easter. And then I was like, fuck. Like now, like I have to text Lenore and I literally forgot.

• 37:13Hannah Berner?

  No, you don't. I mean, my mom was waiting by the phone.

• 37:18Hannah Berner?

  She was checking it like a crush.

• 37:20Paige DeSorbo?

  I should have said to my mom, ooh, so you're not real friends. She wished you happy holidays.

• 37:24Hannah Berner?

  Do you want to know how bored I was yesterday? I look at my mom and I go, can you teach me how to make broccoli rabe with sausage pasta? This is my favorite dish that she's done my whole life, that I could have learned literally any day, but I refused. And I said, you know what? We have nothing left. The world's about to end. Can I learn how to make this?

• 37:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Did she make it?

• 37:46Hannah Berner?

  So I cooked it with her and then I took a photo. Unlike Kim, when Kim tries to teach us how to cook, my mom let me touch the food.

• 37:57Hannah Berner?

  Kim had no belief in us.

• 37:59Paige DeSorbo?

  No plans of letting us be charged.

• 38:01Hannah Berner?

  But I cooked sausage and broccoli rabe and the family liked it. No one died and it was quite peaceful. It was quite peaceful and nice.

• 38:11Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, so that's what you had for Easter. Okay, so say it's like your parents, you and Dez. And interesting because Dez is also like a stand up comedian. So like when you're at like a normal dinner with your family.

• 38:22Hannah Berner?

  Vibes.

• 38:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Are you guys like performing? Like, are you going back and forth? Cause here's, your dad is also very funny. So like, is it like a constant?

• 38:32Hannah Berner?

  Great question. And I think you'd know this because you know me, I'm sitting back.

• 38:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, okay.

• 38:39Hannah Berner?

  I'm not on payroll right now. Okay. I'm sitting back because there's so many big personalities in my family. Nana is a star. When Nana walks in, the energy changes. The energy changes and Papa's holding her coat. It shifts. She, she literally does what you do where she stands there, looks at me, waits for me to compliment her outfit.

• 39:03Hannah Berner?

  Then tells me, oh no, I don't look as good as I used to look. Keeps walking.

• 39:09Hannah Berner?

  And then my dad jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes.

• 39:12Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 39:13Hannah Berner?

  Dez getting into it was about some deep like historical, political, smart thing that I don't know anything about. And I'm trying to find the cats.

• 39:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Got it. Okay.

• 39:25Hannah Berner?

  What is your dynamic?

• 39:27Paige DeSorbo?

  Um, it's the Paige show.

• 39:32Hannah Berner?

  It's Amazon Live.

• 39:38Paige DeSorbo?

  It's Amazon Live, but sometimes like, okay. So like when my brother is there, it's him and I back and forth, back and forth. Like we're joking and sometimes it's we're targeting them all at my dad. Like we're just making fun of my dad or like.

• 39:53Hannah Berner?

  It's the roast of Gary DeSorbo.

• 39:54Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, it's like a roasting, whatever. Um, but I'm yapping. I probably yap the most I ever yap in my entire life. When I'm like at the dinner table with my family because I can be my most self.

• 40:10Hannah Berner?

  What if someone, Gary brought a girlfriend? Do you change the dynamic and ask her some questions or no?

• 40:18Hannah Berner?

  You go, this is my family.

• 40:19Paige DeSorbo?

  How dare you put me in this?

• 40:20Hannah Berner?

  You go, do you want me to lie to you?

• 40:26Paige DeSorbo?

  No. Okay. Gary's current girlfriend right now, I'm, I am obsessed with and I love.

• 40:31Hannah Berner?

  Speaking general. I was speaking general.

• 40:33Paige DeSorbo?

  Um, he really didn't bring like that many girlfriends, I feel like to like a dinner and like, no, then I would like tone it down a little bit. But if it's my significant others are like sitting at the table, my mom gets like a little where she's like, it's about you. It's about you. Like, are they gonna find you annoying?

• 40:52Hannah Berner?

  Oh, she goes, we're gonna need less.

• 40:54Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 40:56Hannah Berner?

  You're at a 12, I need you at a five.

• 40:58Paige DeSorbo?

  But it's my family. So I'm like, I'm most comfortable here.

• 41:01Hannah Berner?

  Wow. I just had a memory. Once I was in a car and it was a three hour car ride with my brother and a girlfriend at the time. And my dad and I yapping.

• 41:10Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 41:11Hannah Berner?

  Yapping, yapping. And I might've made this up, but I feel like she said something along the lines of, do you guys ever shut up?

• 41:18Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. Totally.

• 41:20Hannah Berner?

  And I was like, this is my car.

• 41:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. No, that's insane. Now, if I'm the guest, I'm at someone else's family, quiet as a mouse.

• 41:29Hannah Berner?

  You are.

• 41:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Like, we'll speak when spoken to, and if I feel comfortable enough to like, throw in a joke here and there, I'll do it.

• 41:36Hannah Berner?

  But if one joke doesn't land, you're out.

• 41:38Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm quite reserved.

• 41:40Hannah Berner?

  Reserved.

• 41:41Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 41:42Hannah Berner?

  See, at other people's houses, I'm anything they want me to be.

• 41:46Paige DeSorbo?

  You're boring. I was just gonna say.

• 41:48Hannah Berner?

  Ringing the party. I'm a chameleon. Wait, do you have to say, remember when me and Ally came to visit your parents?

• 41:55Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 41:56Hannah Berner?

  Ally, hysterical comedian, she immediately was giving the

• 41:59Paige DeSorbo?

  Command of the room.

• 42:00Hannah Berner?

  Command of the room, and I said, I can sit back. Ally has taken that.

• 42:04Paige DeSorbo?

  No, you enjoyed your lunch.

• 42:06Hannah Berner?

  I enjoyed my lunch.

• 42:07Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, you sat.

• 42:09Hannah Berner?

  I love, I actually love being quiet.

• 42:12Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, you do. People don't know that about you enough, I feel like. You do love being quiet.

• 42:17Hannah Berner?

  Cause when a camera comes in my direction. I have to, you don't, yeah, you don't.

• 42:21Paige DeSorbo?

  It makes me nervous, cause I'm like, what are you thinking up in there? What are you cooking up in your brain?

• 42:28Hannah Berner?

  Honestly, valid point. Valid point. Cause when I'm talking, I'm telling you every single thought that's coming in my brain, so when I shut up, you're like, this has gone rogue.

• 42:36Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm like, something's worrying her.

• 42:39Hannah Berner?

  Normally, yes. Normally, yes. But that's why we love Grace, cause she, she keeps the flow going between the three of us. Oh, have you heard of adult tummy time?

• 42:50Paige DeSorbo?

  No, but it sounds like something I'd be interested in.

• 42:53Hannah Berner?

  I'm surprised it hasn't hit your algorithm. On TikTok, there's a thing going around called adult tummy time, which is apparently good for your spine, cause your spines are naturally curved. And from slouching, it reverses that curve, and it's bad for you. So if you lay on your stomach, and a little bit upright like baby cobra.

• 43:16Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 43:17Hannah Berner?

  And you could still be on your phone.

• 43:18Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay.

• 43:19Hannah Berner?

  They say it's good for your posture, so a lot of adults are doing tummy time now. And you could also do choice time, if you want.

• 43:25Paige DeSorbo?

  What's choice time?

• 43:27Hannah Berner?

  Do you remember when you were a kid and you could decide just what you wanted to do for the day?

• 43:33Hannah Berner?

  Choice time. And they were like, you have to nap.

• 43:36Paige DeSorbo?

  Wow.

• 43:37Hannah Berner?

  And you were like, no.

• 43:37Paige DeSorbo?

  I couldn't tell you the last time I had a choice.

• 43:40Hannah Berner?

  Oh, God, I know. No, I know, I know. Oh, I did want to say too, since you've become like a performer and like you perform all the time, sometimes it is hard to get out of like the performance mindset. If you've been doing straight shows and then randomly you're at like a dinner, you sometimes cannot turn it off. Like I told you, I'll be doing crowd work at dinner and have to stop myself because your brain is just doing it.

• 44:08Paige DeSorbo?

  You're like, you look at your mom and dad, you're like, how long have you guys been together?

• 44:14Hannah Berner?

  I go, what do you do for a living? They're like, you know what we do for a living.

• 44:18Hannah Berner?

  I go, okay, sassy in the front.

• 44:21Paige DeSorbo?

  You're like, now is that Lenore?

• 44:24Hannah Berner?

  With an E at the end?

• 44:25Paige DeSorbo?

  N O R E?

• 44:28Hannah Berner?

  I go, why are you wearing that shirt? Why are you wearing that shirt? No, I'm so, if there's like a man in the vicinity, especially at a bar, if there's like boys, I'm immediately going.

• 44:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 44:38Hannah Berner?

  But when we were doing morning TV, I definitely had to be conscious because I was in performing mode.

• 44:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, interesting. See, when we do morning TV, I have to be conscious not to swear.

• 44:50Hannah Berner?

  And I have to go a step further and be conscious about the context.

• 44:55Paige DeSorbo?

  And I have to be conscious. You want to know what?

• 45:00Paige DeSorbo?

  I have to be conscious of you, making sure you're conscious. But then I also have to be conscious, I'm willy nilly with my legs. I'll sit there, full vag open, like I,

• 45:14Paige DeSorbo?

  I get told way more than you to close my legs. And that,

• 45:20Hannah Berner?

  And that tracks.

• 45:21Paige DeSorbo?

  Is a parallel. And that's a metaphor.

• 45:23Hannah Berner?

  I do have to say, I'm all about, um, I'm about women empowerment, so I loved your labia out. I thought you were doing it on purpose. But yeah, Fallon, you showed up with a standing outfit.

• 45:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 45:36Hannah Berner?

  You also had a, you had a standing outfit everywhere we went. When all your job was to sit in front of the camera.

• 45:42Paige DeSorbo?

  I was like, what if we stood?

• 45:43Hannah Berner?

  I do have to say, I did go a little rogue on today's show because Jenna Butch Hager is so funny and I just want to make her laugh.

• 45:52Paige DeSorbo?

  Because Jenna's our friend.

• 45:54Hannah Berner?

  She's our best, like our best friend.

• 45:55Paige DeSorbo?

  So like going on Today Show doesn't, like going on Good Morning America, I was way more nervous. Going on the Today Show, I'm like, oh, we're literally going to Jenna's show.

• 46:04Hannah Berner?

  And they wanted us to riff. They were like, have you heard of this thing called It's Giving? And I was like, we, that's just me and Paige talking on a given day and they didn't give us any parameters. We love talking about the Today Show. They didn't give us any, they weren't like, hey, don't do this.

• 46:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, we're obsessed with the Today Show. We're obsessed with our producer at the Today Show.

• 46:20Hannah Berner?

  Obsessed gigglers. They just get it. So then I feel a little too comfortable. I think it's important. I go in with a little fear. When I, oh yeah, we were giggling. Remember we were giggling and I looked at the guy, I'm like, sorry, we're drunk. And he was like, those were the good old days.

• 46:35Paige DeSorbo?

  No, you're riffing with the crew. You're like, this is, I'm on production. Here's the thing, every time we do a morning show, I love it so much that I'm like, we gotta do a morning show. But like, if we had a legitimate morning, like we should give Jenna Fridays off because like she has a family, like she's tired. She wants to like go to this.

• 46:53Hannah Berner?

  Should we extort Jenna for Friday?

• 46:56Paige DeSorbo?

  We're like, if you gave Giggly Squad just Fridays.

• 47:00Hannah Berner?

  Friday at like 11?

• 47:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I'm like, wait, can we actually be the fifth hour? They're like, we don't have that. Yeah, let's see.

• 47:07Hannah Berner?

  Can we be the eighth hour?

• 47:11Paige DeSorbo?

  I do think it would be so funny though, if you and I had a morning show because it'd be like the anti-morning show.

• 47:19Hannah Berner?

  Like we, we'd literally be like, we don't want to be awake either.

• 47:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, like I feel like we do, we would do like very minimal glam.

• 47:28Paige DeSorbo?

  And we would be, we would do it in pajamas. Cause like that's crazy to not.

• 47:32Hannah Berner?

  And they're like, it's noon. And we're like, yeah.

• 47:34Paige DeSorbo?

  We're like, this is our hour. Why don't you sip it?

• 47:40Hannah Berner?

  We were with Tyra, who, I mean, TV icon. I watched all of those seasons.

• 47:48Paige DeSorbo?

  She's, I had never seen her in person.

• 47:52Paige DeSorbo?

  Her face, like, doesn't age. Like, her face looks exactly the way it looks like when you were watching, like, Top Model on TV. I like, couldn't get over, I was like, wait, but you look like they plucked you out of the TV and just put you right here.

• 48:07Hannah Berner?

  Well, she's been in Australia and they have very good water there.

• 48:10Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, do you think?

• 48:12Hannah Berner?

  I just made that up. You were like, well, I'm going to Australia.

• 48:15Paige DeSorbo?

  I was like, oh my god.

• 48:16Hannah Berner?

  Gotta catch a flight. But they were showing the braided necktie, which, shout out to my stylist, don't know why we haven't done it yet. Pretty sure I've texted her 80 times saying I want to do a hair, neck, hair tie. But I said, this is me after a full winter of not shaving. Tyra, not happy about it.

• 48:36Paige DeSorbo?

  She wasn't?

• 48:37Hannah Berner?

  She went, oh.

• 48:41Hannah Berner?

  See, you were laughing too hard to realize. You, you were slapping your knee.

• 48:44Paige DeSorbo?

  I love it whatever you say.

• 48:46Hannah Berner?

  You were slapping, because you're an enabler.

• 48:48Paige DeSorbo?

  But here's the thing, that's morning TV. That's why it's so easy to go and be funny on morning TV. They have to laugh at you, no matter what you say, because it's like, it's, it's not the nightly news. The nightly news, they're, they have to be mean. They have to be stern.

• 49:03Hannah Berner?

  And they have to scare you.

• 49:04Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, morning TV, they're easing you into it.

• 49:08Hannah Berner?

  Fun.

• 49:09Paige DeSorbo?

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• 49:53Paige DeSorbo?

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• 50:38Paige DeSorbo?

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• 51:20Paige DeSorbo?

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• 52:05Paige DeSorbo?

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• 52:49Paige DeSorbo?

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• 52:59Hannah Berner?

  What was the low of our press tour so far? I know what yours is.

• 53:04Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay.

• 53:08Paige DeSorbo?

  What? I was about to be like, I can't think of anything. I had a great time. I know exactly what yours is, bitch.

• 53:14Hannah Berner?

  I know exactly what yours is.

• 53:15Paige DeSorbo?

  What?

• 53:15Hannah Berner?

  This thing about Paige, I know she seems confident, but she's a quitter. She would quit everything if I wasn't there. Okay? We're, all our job is to sign like maybe 30 more books before we can leave bars and open.

• 53:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Even getting started.

• 53:31Hannah Berner?

  30 more books. First of all, she's having trouble with her Sharpie, which I get it, that's frustrating. But then she starts getting negative and she's like, you guys, she gets the voice, you guys, I can't, my hands hurting, my hand, like.

• 53:43Paige DeSorbo?

  My hands.

• 53:44Hannah Berner?

  You thought you had rigor mortis in your hand.

• 53:49Hannah Berner?

  I'm signing. I go, sign it lighter. Like, I don't know if to tell you.

• 53:52Paige DeSorbo?

  You go so fast.

• 53:55Hannah Berner?

  I'm signing, I'm enjoying this. I think it's therapeutic. She's literally having a mental break, being like.

• 54:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Guys, you can't, timer button. I can't sign anywhere.

• 54:05Hannah Berner?

  And I look at her, I said, I said, you're fucking embarrassing me in front of Mr. Noble. You're gonna sign this book and you're gonna fucking suck it up. I'll get you an Advil after, okay? Smile.

• 54:17Paige DeSorbo?

  My fingers, my fingers went like cramped. I couldn't move.

• 54:25Hannah Berner?

  You were being so dramatic.

• 54:28Paige DeSorbo?

  Just know this, you've been scammed because Hannah signs her freaking initials, okay? And I sign full out name and she goes, well, you should have changed your signature before we agreed to sign 2000 books.

• 54:44Hannah Berner?

  I look over, she's bleeding, she's crying. I said, can you just use your left hand? Like, I, I don't know what to tell you.

• 54:52Paige DeSorbo?

  I started to get a headache from my fake glasses. I like.

• 54:57Hannah Berner?

  We also have like 20 people there who were like, their only job is to get us to sign these books and pay just like.

• 55:05Paige DeSorbo?

  I said, I can't. I literally can't.

• 55:09Hannah Berner?

  So that was your thorn?

• 55:10Paige DeSorbo?

  So that was my thorn. There was one day where I was like so tan.

• 55:15Hannah Berner?

  Oh, and everyone kept asking about where'd you get your tan and you were like, it's real.

• 55:23Hannah Berner?

  I was like, ooh.

• 55:25Paige DeSorbo?

  No, because I went to Miami, so I already was so tan, but I was peeling. So I was like, oh, let me just throw a little fake tan on where I'm peeling. Nah, I mean, I, I look purple. It was too dark.

• 55:40Hannah Berner?

  Well, you also were peeling, which honestly was one of the more relatable moments you've ever had.

• 55:46Paige DeSorbo?

  I peeled all over New York this week.

• 55:50Paige DeSorbo?

  My skin, my DNA, anyone could frame me for murder this week. I mean, it's everywhere.

• 55:56Hannah Berner?

  Oh, Kim is stressed out now.

• 55:58Paige DeSorbo?

  So stressed.

• 55:59Hannah Berner?

  I realized something bad about myself. And tell me if I'm wrong.

• 56:04Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay.

• 56:07Hannah Berner?

  I realized.

• 56:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Nope, spot on.

• 56:10Hannah Berner?

  Tell me if I'm off. You're like, you're not off.

• 56:14Hannah Berner?

  I realized that if I was a man, I would have a mustache.

• 56:21Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, man.

• 56:22Hannah Berner?

  Because I-

• 56:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, wait, I'm gonna take it one step further. I'm gonna say you'd have like a quirky mustache.

• 56:28Hannah Berner?

  Okay, I, I was a gay man in a past life.

• 56:32Paige DeSorbo?

  Yep, yep.

• 56:33Hannah Berner?

  I, when I do crowd work and there's a man with a mustache in the front row, I literally lick my lips, I say, "What are you overcompensating for, you boring loser? What's going on?" And I go in on them, but then I realize like, I'm a man with a mustache, cuz I would be like bored and I like to-

• 56:50Paige DeSorbo?

  A standalone, are you talking standalone stash?

• 56:53Hannah Berner?

  Yeah. Like porn director stash.

• 56:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, like no beard.

• 56:58Hannah Berner?

  Cuz a beard is like boring, and then clean face is too tryhard.

• 57:03Paige DeSorbo?

  So you're saying it's clean face with a mustache?

• 57:06Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, like the kind of mustache you'd be like, "Okay, that's annoying." And I'd be like, I would be that guy. And that's why I think I was a woman in this life.

• 57:16Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, see, I'd be the kind of guy that just had like the same, um, let's scruff all around.

• 57:24Hannah Berner?

  You'd get a haircut every Wednesday from a guy.

• 57:26Paige DeSorbo?

  Hundred percent, I'd be getting shape ups, I'd be getting, what do they call them? There's like so many names, I feel like I know them.

• 57:33Hannah Berner?

  If we were both men, would we be best friends?

• 57:36Paige DeSorbo?

  I think so. What would really be that different about us?

• 57:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Like my hobbies, okay, obviously, like, my hobbies would change, but I'd probably be just as enthusiastic for like, what's the equivalent of like fashion for guys? Like, imagine I just knew everything there was to know about golf?

• 57:59Hannah Berner?

  Hmm. You also could be in, like, I think you'd be into fashion, like you'd have nice watches.

• 58:04Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh.

• 58:05Hannah Berner?

  You'd be very into watches.

• 58:06Paige DeSorbo?

  I'd be so into wa-

• 58:07Hannah Berner?

  And your wallet would be nice, you'd have a nice wallet.

• 58:10Paige DeSorbo?

  I'd have nice like access, like manly accessories.

• 58:13Hannah Berner?

  You would have like a $200 pen.

• 58:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Holy fuck Hannah.

• 58:21Paige DeSorbo?

  I would be so into a ballpoint pen on my desk.

• 58:24Hannah Berner?

  And you would love, what do they put?

• 58:27Paige DeSorbo?

  I'd love like a custom suit. I'd be like, yeah, this is fucking custom.

• 58:31Hannah Berner?

  With cuffs.

• 58:32Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, like my cufflink.

• 58:33Hannah Berner?

  Cufflink?

• 58:34Paige DeSorbo?

  My cufflink game would be nuts. I'd be like one of those guys that would be like, you should see my loafer game in the summer. Like, I would say that exact phrase. I'd be like, we had a wedding is crazy.

• 58:45Hannah Berner?

  You'd be at a beach wedding and be like, sorry, I can't go on the beaches with these loafers.

• 58:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I'd be like, my tux shoes, like, you guys could never. Wow, I'd be such a douche. I love it.

• 58:57Hannah Berner?

  But also, um, sorry, the Sierra, if I were a boy, it just started playing in my head.

• 59:04Paige DeSorbo?

  Because you are an artiste.

• 59:07Hannah Berner?

  I'm an, and that's what this pod is about, is just appreciate art. Appreciate art.

• 59:13Paige DeSorbo?

  It's subjective.

• 59:14Hannah Berner?

  It is subjective. What did you write about fake quotes?

• 59:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh my god. I just needed to say this because it's so crazy. I don't know if it's like,

• 59:26Paige DeSorbo?

  if it's, I don't know what it is, if it's like bots or like, if it's like people that get, I, I don't know what it is, but I keep seeing all these TikToks of like massive long quotes from, by me, but like I never said them. And some of them are so crazy and I'll go in the comments and they'll be like, yup, exactly something she would say.

• 59:51Hannah Berner?

  Wait, like bad quotes?

• 59:52Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, and I, I have to like type in it and be like, I didn't like actually say this and like, I don't know how defamation works, but I feel like this is like kind of damaging. Like, I didn't say any of this.

• 1:00:02Hannah Berner?

  Well, is it even saying the source? Like, is it like from this podcast or just saying yours?

• 1:00:06Paige DeSorbo?

  It's just like a, it will be like a random TikTok account and it'll be like quote from Paige De Sorbo. And so then I'm like, oh my god, did someone like pay someone to do that? Or is it like a bot? Or like, it's so scary.

• 1:00:20Hannah Berner?

  I hate to say it, but the algorithm does better when people write a long paragraph, because people have to stop to read it, so it makes the videos do better. And then you're like a trending topic right now because like,

• 1:00:33Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, so you think people are just like making shit up?

• 1:00:36Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, and that's why a lot of things become popular on the internet because if algorithmically something works, like when there's a scandal, everyone talks about it because those videos do better. It's not because they actually like have honest takes or care about something.

• 1:00:51Paige DeSorbo?

  It's so, so I just like if, I just

• 1:00:53Hannah Berner?

  If you see anything I said, I didn't say it.

• 1:00:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, like if you see something, say something. Like, it's so creepy.

• 1:01:00Hannah Berner?

  Oh my god, and it comes to your algorithm because they think you like are gonna care.

• 1:01:05Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, there was like one quote and I was like, oh, what did I say? And then I'm like reading it and I was like, I didn't say that.

• 1:01:11Hannah Berner?

  But can we be honest? Have you ever done an interview and as you're reading what you said, you're like, that's not the tone I meant to do?

• 1:01:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Hundred percent, hundred percent. I'm like, that was actually a joke and I was taking very seriously and now everyone thinks it's very serious!

• 1:01:24Hannah Berner?

  But if it makes you feel better, I've been seeing a lot of very empowering quotes by you on my feed.

• 1:01:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Thank you, thank you.

• 1:01:31Hannah Berner?

  And my feed is very curated to what I wanna see.

• 1:01:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Perfect.

• 1:01:36Hannah Berner?

  Um, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect. Um, what are you watching?

• 1:01:42Paige DeSorbo?

  What am I watching? I'm watching the new Jon Hamm show. Oh my god, I started watching this show because my brother was watching it on my Prime. It's called Mobland with Tom Hardy and Pierce Brosnan. It's like the mafia in England. It's so good.

• 1:01:58Hannah Berner?

  Oh wow, interesting. Sounds like something Killian Murphy would be in.

• 1:02:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:03Hannah Berner?

  Have you watched The Last of Us?

• 1:02:06Paige DeSorbo?

  No, is that that HBO show? You love it.

• 1:02:09Hannah Berner?

  I love it.

• 1:02:10Paige DeSorbo?

  And the second season just came out. I can't do like post-apocalyptic.

• 1:02:14Hannah Berner?

  See, I love post-apocalyptic. It's so, I don't know, it's giving recession.

• 1:02:20Paige DeSorbo?

  You know what, you know why?

• 1:02:23Hannah Berner?

  Too realistic?

• 1:02:24Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I like watching shows that are pretty. Like, I like seeing things that are pretty and like there's nothing pretty in post-apocalyptic shows.

• 1:02:33Hannah Berner?

  You would hate how ugly the zombies are. The zombies, because this specific zombie is basically like a massive yeast infection that keeps spreading. And their faces are literally like the yeast infection.

• 1:02:46Paige DeSorbo?

  Everything's like tan and like dark green.

• 1:02:50Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:51Paige DeSorbo?

  And dirty. Everything's like dusty.

• 1:02:54Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, you don't

• 1:02:55Paige DeSorbo?

  You don't like get.

• 1:02:56Hannah Berner?

  No. But it's funny because you hate musicals which are beautiful.

• 1:03:01Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm multifaceted.

• 1:03:04Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm like an onion.

• 1:03:05Hannah Berner?

  You can't put.

• 1:03:05Paige DeSorbo?

  You can't put me in a box.

• 1:03:06Hannah Berner?

  You can't put her in a box. Um, except if her, her box is out on morning TV every morning this last week.

• 1:03:16Paige DeSorbo?

  I was wearing vintage Mugler, okay?

• 1:03:18Hannah Berner?

  You were, and it was worth it. It was worth it. Um, anything else?

• 1:03:22Paige DeSorbo?

  I think that's it.

• 1:03:24Hannah Berner?

  Guys, the book is out and about. She is out here in these streets. And if you've been thinking of buying it, your instincts are right. We're, the feedback has been fucking incredible. And the way you guys have decorated around your house has been fucking incredible. And we just love you guys so much. And we do have an announcement for something new that we are dropping exactly a week from today.

• 1:03:54Paige DeSorbo?

  Wow, I'm so excited for that. I made my whole family.

• 1:03:59Paige DeSorbo?

  Watch.

• 1:04:00Hannah Berner?

  Did they like it?

• 1:04:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Loved.

• 1:04:02Hannah Berner?

  I'm so excited. I'm actually like trying to be patient, but it's been really hard. So yeah, we have something we're dropping soon. Cause you know what? One thing about us, we're bringing it. We're gonna keep you guys fed. That's my only goal in life. Um, thank you for giggling with us. We love you so much. Bye.

• 1:04:19Paige DeSorbo?

  And as a special treat, we're gonna play an excerpt from the audiobook right now.

• 1:04:23Hannah Berner?

  We have trouble committing to a lot of things, such as every plan we've ever made. But a bit isn't one of them. Committing to a bit is one of the essential joys in life and truly the glue that keeps our friendship together. We do not do weekly Pilates, make dinner together, or take pottery classes. We do bits.

• 1:04:44Paige DeSorbo?

  So what the hell is a bit? There are all kinds of bits, but to us, it's an inside joke or phrase shared between people that's repeated often. Bits in your friendship can feel like your own silly little secret language to find humor in our sometimes harshly mundane existence. To share a bit with someone is special and cute and means that you share the same sense of humor.

• 1:05:10Hannah Berner?

  Throughout this audiobook, there are going to be a lot of bits. We will discuss our old bits and probably come up with some new bits. Life is basically a bunch of naps and grill dinners with bits in between. You didn't think we were going to get so philosophical, did ya? And Paige didn't even hit her weed pen yet. Whenever Paige is stressed, I pretend to hit a weed pen, and that's a bit. Our first bit example: Wow, writing a book is hard. Pretends to hit Paige's weed pen.

• 1:05:40Paige DeSorbo?

  Humor is our secret sauce. Did the family dinner table conversation get a little too heated? Crack a joke. Feeling awkward on a night out? Make fun of the nearest guy in a backward hat. Our friendship is built on our shared sense of humor, as the best friendships often are. Whether you're going to college, starting a new job, or moving to a new city, finding someone who shares your sense of humor is guaranteed to make the hard days more bearable. We even turned our humor into a career, and now we're writing a book about it. If that doesn't convince you that we commit to bits, then we don't know what will.

• 1:06:20Hannah Berner?

  We would also argue that if you see life as just a bunch of bits, it can be easier to chase your dreams. Whenever you're scared to do something, stop taking life so seriously. It's just a bit. Wanna apply for a job you're unqualified for? That's a silly bit. Wanna go up to the hottest guy at the bar and speak in a British accent? That's a multicultural bit. Wanna dye your hair platinum blonde for $30 at a student hair salon in college? That's just a cute purple shampoo bit. If you take your life too seriously, you will be afraid to put yourself out there. Don't worry about failure, embarrassment, or judgment. It's not that serious. When you mess up, your best friend will think it's hysterical.

• 1:07:06Paige DeSorbo?

  Did you know that Hannah got married because of a bit? Yep. When Dez first picked up Hannah at the Shelter Island ferry, she complained that she was late because of her dad's golf game. He responded, "At least your parents are alive." Now, this was a particularly dark and risky bit to start off with on a first date. But in his wise, old age, he knew that he did not have time to date someone without the same deranged, sick, dry sense of humor. It was love at first bit. Hannah immediately started giggling, and that bit still holds strong in their relationship. Whenever Hannah gets upset about anything frivolous, Dez is quick to say, "At least your parents are alive."

• 1:07:51Paige DeSorbo?

  Orphan bits can be romantic, too.

• 1:07:54Hannah Berner?

  After a couple dates, I was ready to test a bit on Dez. This bit can be used early in relationships to test a date's sense of humor and overall vibes. You have to make sure that he has paid for some dinners already, and then when it's finally time to buy something cheap like coffee or a slice of pizza or a soda, you look at him with a sweet smile and say, "I got this." When the cashier asks for your card, you give it to them and say in a distressed voice, "He always makes me pay." And then wait for the reaction. Dez passed the test and laughed. If he hadn't gotten the bit, I would be a single mother to a colony of cats right now, which actually doesn't sound so bad.

• 1:08:37Hannah Berner?

  A lot of people ask me, "How did you get engaged? Or what did you say to get him to propose?" Well, it really was a big bit. Only weeks into the relationship, Dez joked that he was gonna marry me. So I joked back about what kind of ring I wanted. Every couple days, I would randomly send him links to rings. At first, this was hilarious. It was so out of pocket to send a man you just started dating engagement ring photos, because all those books- Folks tell you that men are petrified of being pressured into marriage.

• 1:09:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, that means we have a great bit on our hands, folks. She started with small diamonds, then big diamonds, then eventually got up to the M-Rada double diamond ring, which he scoffed at. But one day, six months later, he got down on one knee with the perfect princess-cut diamond in platinum prongs and a gold band.

• 1:09:30Hannah Berner?

  Before saying yes, I truly wondered, is this a bit? The truth is that it was. Life is just full of bits, and some involve a prenup.

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