TBT: Mama Tot

Bunnie's guest this week is the mama to millions of people online every day, Mama Tot, aka Ophelia Nichols. In Part 1, she talks about the trauma she endured growing up, getting pregnant at 15 years old, and how she decided to take the high road and help others. Get ready to be inspired. Mama Tot: Podcast https://anchor.fm/totalks | TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@shoelover99?lang=en Mama Tot IG https://www.instagram.com/ophelianichols/?hl=en Watch Full Episodes & More: www.dumbblondeunrated.com

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Bunnie XO?

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• 0:42Bunnie XO?

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• 0:59Speaker 01

  All right, you know me, coming to main stage next. This is Bunny. Get up there. She's got a tornado of titties coming your way. Get those dollar bills ready. She's got an ass that shakes like Michael J. Fox. So get up there and throw, throw, throw them dollars.

• 1:11Bunnie XO?

  Dude, that is fucking iconic. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Today, I have somebody that I have been looking forward to meeting. Not only me looking forward to meeting, but my husband was more excited about this guest than I was. Ophelia, AKA Mama Tot, is in the house, baby. How are you?

• 1:30Speaker 02

  That is me. I'm perfect. I'm so excited to be here. Like, I didn't realize how much Tennessee, this area, is just like Mobile, Alabama.

• 1:41Bunnie XO?

  Oh, yeah, we're like sisters.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's no difference other than the downtown area being just more lively than it is in Mobile. But, man, everybody acts the same, looks the same, like...

• 1:53Bunnie XO?

  So it feels like home.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know what Nashville reminds me of?

• 1:57Bunnie XO?

  What?

• 1:58Speaker 02

  A southern version of LA.

• 2:01Bunnie XO?

  Absolutely.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  A southern version of LA.

• 2:03Bunnie XO?

  And we're getting the traffic here, too.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:06Bunnie XO?

  Fucking bullshit, let me tell you.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  It gives me anxiety. I had anxiety getting there.

• 2:11Bunnie XO?

  Speaking of anxiety, how was it checking into the Airbnb yesterday?

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Um, it was a little difficult. Um, you know, everything is so technical and computerized and, and I'm not too savvy with that. I mean, I can barely work a lot of talk. Um, but it was different.

• 2:29Bunnie XO?

  Give me, give me a key and a hole.

• 2:31Speaker 02

  That's all I need.

• 2:32Bunnie XO?

  Really? Like, literally?

• 2:33Speaker 02

  That's what my husband says, okay?

• 2:34Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, that's what he said.

• 2:35Speaker 02

  Um, but yeah, uh, it was a little stressful for that, but it was beautiful.

• 2:40Bunnie XO?

  Oh, good.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  It's like, it's beautiful.

• 2:42Bunnie XO?

  Good, yeah. We were laughing before the, uh, the cameras started rolling because the Airbnb host, I was like, so is there a parking pass? And he sent me like fucking three paragraphs and I'm just like, bro, I can't handle this shit. Airbnb aside, we got Mama Tatin Nashville. So did you go out last night in Nashville?

• 2:59Speaker 02

  You know I did, honey.

• 3:00Bunnie XO?

  Did you get recognized?

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Um, yes. Every time I went to the restroom, I was in there for twenty minutes hugging people.

• 3:06Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Okay, and taking pictures. Um, one of them, there was a, a bathroom attendant in there and we had a whole therapy session.

• 3:13Bunnie XO?

  Oh shit.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  She just, I mean, in tears and I, I mean, I ended up like tipping her thirty dollars because she, we just had, it was, it was beautiful. But everywhere I went, honey, there was somebody somewhere. Um, I mean, everywhere, I had no idea that it was this many people that, that knew me in this area. Like I'm, I just think people in Mobile know me or something. I don't know.

• 3:38Bunnie XO?

  That's why I think you're so much like my husband because my husband will go places and he always has people breaking down, crying to him, telling them his stories and how his music has touched them and like-

• 3:49Speaker 02

  Because he's amazing.

• 3:50Bunnie XO?

  But so are you. And that's what I'm trying to say is you guys both have that same where you're just like oblivious to how much you touch people's souls, you know?

• 3:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't think about it. I just- I think that I'm talking to my besties every day on those videos. But I'mma go out tonight and and take some extra tissues because it was.

• 4:11Bunnie XO?

  Just pull them out.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  I was, I was, I was, I was a hot mess yesterday. Honey, we was drinking at eleven AM at the pool, okay? We came back, got, got a shower and then went back out again and we bar hopped. Which, that was fun. Um, my bestie, Rissa, she is just a ham. She's hilarious. She's hilarious.

• 4:36Bunnie XO?

  Protective over you.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  She's amazing. Um, but her and Gibson are like buddy, buddy. They're besties. Um, but we had a great time, so we're gonna go out again tonight and then head on home.

• 4:47Bunnie XO?

  I'm so fucking stoked to hear your story. I just, let's, you know, let's start from the beginning. Cause I know that you have a story, um, you know, with your mom and stuff like that, if I'm correct. Um, so where, where you born?

• 5:03Speaker 02

  Mobile.

• 5:03Bunnie XO?

  Oh, so you're just a lifer.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Ne- never left.

• 5:08Bunnie XO?

  Sorry, my nose is running.

• 5:09Speaker 02

  It's, I mean, it's, it's home. It's, you know, um, I don't have much family there, but you know, I've established family with, you know, my husband's side of the family and, um, then my kids', uh, sides of their family. Um, but yeah, I was born there. I'm forty. I'll be forty-one in September.

• 5:26Bunnie XO?

  You're beautiful. I'm forty-two. We're just crushing it. I feel like, I feel like, uh, women that are forty and above are crushing it right now. Like, we're in our prime.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  You know, it's funny, if you look at photos from like the seventies or eighties and see people in their forties, they look like they were sixty.

• 5:46Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  But you see people today in their forties and you, you, you can't even guess that age.

• 5:51Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  It, that is wild to me.

• 5:53Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, you don't look like you're gonna be, like you're forty to me at all.

• 5:56Speaker 02

  I, I hope not, you know, speaking of my mo- my mother was a beautiful woman. Um, I, I will say that till the day I die. Um, and she really did have some pretty daughters. I will, I will say that.

• 6:10Bunnie XO?

  So you have sisters and brothers?

• 6:12Speaker 02

  This is how, this is how it goes. Cause I don't know if I've ever explained it in detail.

• 6:17Bunnie XO?

  I've searched.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  Like this.

• 6:19Bunnie XO?

  Right. I've searched for like answers and I couldn't find it. So I was really curious as to that story.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  Well, I'm the baby. I'm the baby. Okay, so many, many moons ago. My mother got married now, I'm not too sure how old, I would think probably in her early twenties.

• 6:36Bunnie XO?

  They got married young back then.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  They did, they did. She got married and she had three children with that marriage. And I love him, that's, that's my sibling's dad, we call him Papa.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  After some time, they, they divorced. And then, you know, years later, she meets my dad and then I was the only one they had together.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  On my dad's side, he gets married to this lady when he's twenty one. They have a daughter, they get divorced, he marries this other lady, they have a son, they get divorced and then he marries my mom. So I have two siblings that are my half siblings from my dad. And I have three siblings that are my half siblings from my mom. But between my mom and dad, I was the only one they had together.

• 7:23Bunnie XO?

  Right, same with me.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, so, so it went like that, so my mom and dad were, were married until he passed away. Tell you the truth, if I think about it now, I, if he wouldn't have passed away, they probably would still be married, cause he just loved the hell out of her crazy ass. He was the only one that could really um rein her in, if I can say it like that. He knew how to work her, he knew what not to do to set her off. He, he just knew the tricks of the trade when it come to her.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  So.

• 8:00Bunnie XO?

  Did your mom suffer from mental illness? It sounds like she might have been bipolar possibly?

• 8:05Speaker 02

  Um, she was bipolar, I think she was diagnosed. I wanna say maybe mid thirties, early forties. It was around the time where I was about uh eight or nine years old, I think. Um, and I remember the conversations about that, like just in the house. Um, she never came out and told me that. Um, I just remembered hearing it and then as I got older, I remember seeing certain medication on the table. And you know, seeing what it was for and stuff, so she never came out and said anything, but I just remembered it.

• 8:41Bunnie XO?

  Tough as a child to try to figure out, you know, put the pieces together, why is mom acting like this?

• 8:47Speaker 02

  You know, it, it's wild because when I was in elementary school, you know, first grade, kindergarten, second grade.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  To me, I'm thinking that's how every mama was. It's not, you know, I'm not realizing that mine was was quite different. Until I started to get a little older, fourth grade, fifth grade, I would stay at other people's homes, you know, slumber parties. Birthday parties and I'd start seeing all these other mamas. That would just be so nice and sweet and, you know, I, there was um. A little girl named Jessica that moved in the neighborhood. I met her on the bus and we became instant friends. And her um mama's name was Miss Carmen. Oh, she was so pretty.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  Blind bombshell back then. Um. I would start going over Jessica's house and her mom, just the nicest thing. Y'all want some lunch here, sit down, you know, it was. Just heavenly, heavenly. So it wasn't till I was about in the fourth or fifth grade, I started to realize that. I have someone different in my home. This, this, this, this is, this isn't normal, you know. There were just.

• 9:59Bunnie XO?

  Was she physically abusive? When did this start? When did the?

• 10:04Speaker 02

  As little as I can remember, you know, I tried to think about this the other day. Um, when somebody else asked me that question and I can remember things back from kindergarten. And so I remember at least I had to be five, six years old when the physical abuse started. Now, she wouldn't do this in in front of my daddy at all. And there was one situation, uh, I think I was maybe about nine or ten. I I hadn't hit middle school, middle school in Mobile is like. Starting at sixth grade, so I was still in elementary school. I don't remember what it was for, which was probably nothing.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  But she beat me so bad with a belt. And you know, if that's happening, you're you're gonna start, you know, holding your bottom, trying to, well, as I did that. There were whips um just up my arm, just it completely up my forearm.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  I'd she'd sent me to my room after that. Well, I'd I'd went to sleep. Of course, I cried myself to sleep. My daddy must have come in there at nighttime when he got off of off of work just to check on me. And my arm was laying like this and I had on a short sleeve shirt and he sang that. And I got woken up by him just I verbally because he would never be physical with anybody, just verbally and threatening my mother like, don't you put your hands on that baby, just really, you know, doing what he could.

• 11:39Bunnie XO?

  So he was very protective over you.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  He was my angel. He was. He was my protector.

• 11:45Bunnie XO?

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• 12:52Speaker 03

  Hi, I'm Dr. Mary Claire Haver, board certified OB-GYN and menopause specialist. My podcast, UnPaused, is the place for bold, unfiltered conversations about what it really takes for women to thrive in the second half of life. Every week, I sit down with medical experts and leading voices to talk about the health issues that matter most. Because UnPaused Isn't just about the years you live, but how well you live them. Listen and follow unpause with me, Dr. Mary Claire Haver, wherever you get your podcasts.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  So when he was around, cause he owned a car dealership. So he was not at home Monday through Saturday. He was quite a workaholic. Cars was his, was his life. So he'd be gone throughout the day and she was a stay at home mom. So I would only really be alone with her unless it was after school or in the summertime. So it was much different for me when he wasn't home. But the second he came home, she would be nice or try to be kind or.

• 13:55Bunnie XO?

  That's how my stepmother was. I grew up in a very abusive, um, with a very abusive childhood, a very abusive stepmother. And she would play me and my dad against each other and. Would, uh, when you said that you would go over to other people's houses and see how nice them, that like, that like, makes me just wanna cry because I remember that same feeling as a child. You're like, why can't my mom be like that? Like you just wanna be loved as a child. That's all kids want. They just want that love. So growing up with that in the house, was it, did the abuse continue as you got older?

• 14:30Speaker 02

  Oh, yes. It didn't quit. It, it got worse.

• 14:34Bunnie XO?

  Were you the only child she abused?

• 14:36Speaker 02

  In the home. No, no. She, she did it to the other three. The thing is, is in a, I feel it's okay. I can tell this story. I mean, I know it's not my personal story, but I, I know my big sis would be okay.

• 14:50Bunnie XO?

  And if not, we can always cut it out.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Those kids got the hell out of there. And they went to live with their dad in Florida from, they were little.

• 15:01Bunnie XO?

  They had the option to leave.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  They had the option and my mama didn't fight for them. He came, their daddy came down there and got those kids, my siblings. And my mother never fought, never, nothing. It was okay. You know, that's why my siblings grew up in Florida. And I grew up here. So I would see them from time to time. They would, you know, come for the summertime. It was just like as if as if she had custody of them and they would go to their dad's home. It was just flipped.

• 15:34Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  You know, so they lived with him full time and then they would see her just, you know, in the summertime and in stuff like that. Um, so I was the only one that was completely raised in that home with her because I didn't have an option to go nowhere. You know, they were married, you know, they weren't separated or divorced. They were in their marriage.

• 15:57Bunnie XO?

  And they were both your parents.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  And they were my parents. So, you know, and it's like my sister said, she said, thank goodness. You know, thank goodness because they've got a great daddy, you know, that's what we just love him to death. I mean, he's, I mean, Oh, yes. Yes, we love my, my husband loves him too.

• 16:16Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  Um, but he, he was wonderful. He's a great dad. Always has been. Um, and now he's an excellent grandfather, but so I didn't have that option.

• 16:24Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  Um, now there were a few times that one of my sisters, um, you know, came down during high school years to try to, you know, see how it would work living there.

• 16:36Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  They didn't even last a year. They didn't last a year. They, they got, I even resented one of my sisters when she left.

• 16:46Bunnie XO?

  Cause you felt like she abandoned you.

• 16:48Speaker 02

  She abandoned, yes. And I come home from school and all of her things was gone. Because she protected me too. Cause she was teenager, you know, she would fight back against our mother for um, you know, how I was being treated.

• 17:05Bunnie XO?

  Right. Would she ever tell your dad, like, hey, this is going on?

• 17:09Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:10Bunnie XO?

  And he'd, he would just yell at her and like, you know, he didn't really have, didn't really have a choice.

• 17:16Speaker 02

  You know, I'll take you to court and I'll take, you know, because in his mind, for whatever reason, he thought that that was gonna, that was gonna work, but it, it didn't work because you're not dealing with a normal person. You're not dealing with someone. In a rational way, um, and it's so hard to explain that to people because everybody was like, why? Why did he stay? Well, I

• 17:43Bunnie XO?

  Was he, was she abusive to him too?

• 17:45Speaker 02

  No.

• 17:46Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  No, she never laid a hand on him. He never laid a hand on her. The only thing I ever seen between my mom and dad was just, was just arguing. And it

• 17:57Bunnie XO?

  So she was just like a completely different human with him?

• 18:00Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:00Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I can tell you, even me being a little girl, I would recognize that the arguments would, would be started by her. That's so wild. As a little girl, being in the backseat of the car thinking, well, you shouldn't have said that. Cause now he's gonna be upset, you know? I was old enough to recognize it.

• 18:19Bunnie XO?

  Mm-hmm. What happens whenever you're a child that grows up in abuse is you become hyper aware of your surroundings. And you become, you're in constant fight or flight. So you're zeroed in on everything, like you're, like literally you're on a battlefield, waiting for the next, to step on the next bomb. You know, is what's happening and

• 18:36Speaker 02

  That's how it feels.

• 18:37Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, no, one hundred percent. I grew up like that too. And um, that's why you were so zeroed in. You could read your mom so well because you were waiting to see when her next mood swing was coming. Or you know, what was happening. And that's just a lot of pressure to put on a child.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  I, the, I have, oh, I have terrible, terrible anxiety.

• 18:58Bunnie XO?

  Me too.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  Um, of the fear of the unknown, um, I have terrible claustrophobia, you know, and elevators and things like that. That stems from, she made me sit in the bathroom for six hours. One day as a punishment with the lights, it was, so those things, with the lights off, I was scared of the dark. I was only uh, eight years old and

• 19:21Bunnie XO?

  Oh my gosh.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  But What I'm trying to say is every day when I would get on the bus to go home from school, I would be okay, you know, riding the bus in the neighborhood, but the closer it got to my home, my heart would start racing. I would start shaking because I didn't know what kind of mama I was gonna get when I walked through that door. Um, because it would just, it would change at any moment.

• 19:50Bunnie XO?

  Was she ever nice to you at any time in your life?

• 19:52Speaker 02

  Sure, there were times.

• 19:54Bunnie XO?

  But was it real, or was it just because she needed something or wanted something?

• 19:57Speaker 02

  You know, I can recognize her, um, the fakeness because that was always done in front of people. You know, people at the church. At a baby shower.

• 20:07Bunnie XO?

  My stepmom was.

• 20:08Speaker 02

  Something like that.

• 20:09Bunnie XO?

  She would beat your ass in the car and then go praise God, you know?

• 20:12Speaker 02

  That's precisely how it was. You know, and just, I, I was sitting in the pew one time. The night before, she had hit me so hard in my mouth that it had cut the inside of my lip because of my tooth. You know, it had hit that bottom tooth. And I was sitting in the pew and she was just standing up praising Jesus. And I remember just looking behind her thinking.

• 20:34Bunnie XO?

  So much anger.

• 20:36Speaker 02

  Do you even know what, what you did to me last night?

• 20:39Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, that's, that's a lot of emotions as a child to be going through.

• 20:43Speaker 02

  Oh, it was, it was horrible. So I did everything I could to kind of stay away from the home. You know, when school was out, I'd throw my bookbag on the couch and I'd dart out the door. Um, because when I was in first grade, on the bus, I met my friend Sarah, my childhood friend Sarah. Um, and we met that day and we found out we lived four houses down from one another and that was it. We have, and we've been friends almost forty years later. But her mama, Miss Jenny, was everything to me. She.

• 21:20Speaker 02

  She did everything. She, you know, when I got my period for the first time, I went to her. You know, when I was fifteen and was worried I was pregnant, I went to Miss Jenny. You know, I, she was the mama that I so very much wish I had when I went home every day.

• 21:39Bunnie XO?

  God sent you an angel.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Oh, she was a complete substitute of a mother to me. And my mother was getting that, the feeling of that. And she didn't like anybody to be better than her. She didn't like anybody to know what she did behind closed doors. She was always very afraid of what people were thinking of her and always thought someone was talking bad about her.

• 22:05Bunnie XO?

  Sounds like she has narcissism too.

• 22:07Speaker 02

  Oh, terribly. One hundred percent. So then she would try to forbid me, you know. Having that friend down the road because.

• 22:17Bunnie XO?

  Because it brought you happiness. She couldn't stand to see you happy.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  She, she didn't like that. She didn't want me to tell people my stories when I was little, you know. Why did I have this bruise on me? Why this? You know, um, she didn't want. That, it's so wild how that really affected her about how bad she didn't want people to think. That she was a bad person, or I hate to use this word, you know, crazy. She would go out of her way to try to be a different person in front of them so that they couldn't find something bad to say.

• 22:56Bunnie XO?

  Narcissists hate, um, somebody else paint, exposing them. And painting a picture of who they really are because they, they've built up so many personalities. They're like puppeteers, you know, so it's like behind the curtain. They don't want people to know what's going on behind the curtain. They want it to seem like they're just this perfect package. All their shit together when really they're just falling apart.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  That is very, very true.

• 23:20Bunnie XO?

  So I heard you mention that, um, you thought that you were pregnant at fifteen. As you started getting older. Um, did the abuse continue up into your teens?

• 23:30Speaker 02

  Um, okay, so it did. Now.

• 23:33Bunnie XO?

  Did you ever think to just fight back? Cause I finally did.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  Well, that's what I was getting at. So my dad died when I was thirteen.

• 23:40Bunnie XO?

  Oh, no.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  And that entire year after he passed, I didn't really see my mama.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  My heart goes out to her because, and I'm getting emotional even thinking about this because God forbid something happened to my husband today.

• 23:56Bunnie XO?

  I wouldn't know what to do either.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  Uh, I would probably do the same thing. So she just kinda disappeared to her room. You know, didn't wake me up for school, didn't cook, didn't, she didn't do anything.

• 24:08Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  So I didn't see her for weeks and sometimes months at a time. Now, of course, I don't know if she'd come out of that room while I was at school. You know, but when I came home, if I tried to open that bedroom door, I got hollered at, you know, and she has suffered from depression her entire life. Again, I feel for her with that.

• 24:30Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Um, but I, I cannot imagine what she went through getting that phone call saying your husband just had a heart attack.

• 24:41Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  If I ever get something like that, I, I would be the same boat.

• 24:46Bunnie XO?

  I couldn't imagine.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  So I, I will never, ever hold this area against her because of that.

• 24:53Bunnie XO?

  That speaks volumes of you, Ophelia.

• 24:55Speaker 02

  I empathize with that.

• 24:57Bunnie XO?

  I'm like trying so hard not to cry over here. That speaks volumes of the human that you are, that this woman has put you through so much pain and so much hurt and you just still have so much love and compassion, like.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  Well, I have to, you know, it, you know, I, I don't have time to be angry and bitter and frustrated just because I got dealt a couple of shitty hands in my life, you know. It takes so much more energy to just be that way when you can just, you know, continue being a blessing to somebody else's life.

• 25:28Bunnie XO?

  Yep.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  You know.

• 25:30Bunnie XO?

  Sorry, I'm over here fighting tears so bad. Cause this, this really like touches home. Like I've, I've can really relate to your story.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  It's your life.

• 25:38Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 25:40Speaker 02

  So, so I didn't see her for, um, I would say about a year.

• 25:45Bunnie XO?

  How did your dad passing away affect you?

• 25:47Speaker 02

  Sure, um, okay, so like I mentioned earlier, he owned a car dealership and it was used cars and he had just an amazing reputation in in Mobile for being, you know, a used car lot. Um, he would go out of his way for families. There was this family that showed up one time, they had just enough money for the car. And my dad, uh, knocked the price down, then drove the car to the gas station next door, filled it up for him, like he, my daddy was best man on planet. Um, so he had a wonderful business, wonderful business. Uh, but he refused to buy local. He did not trust the vehicles. Um, and that's probably why he has such a good reputation, you know.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  So every Monday he'd fly out of Mobile, or excuse me, Pensacola and fly to Saint Petersburg in Florida. And he purchased from, uh, those big auctions down there in Florida and then he would have the vehicles vehicles transported on one of those transport trucks. Well, he had been, he was a smoker, menthol, Salem Light one hundred. Um, he'd been coughing for about three weeks. A cough just wouldn't go away, just wouldn't go away. Uh, he goes to the doctor and he's told that he's got congestive heart failure. Now, from what we understand, that doctor told him, you've got to take some time off of work. You've got to relax.

• 27:15Speaker 02

  You're a workaholic, your heart is not doing good, let's, let's take some time off.

• 27:20Bunnie XO?

  Treat your body good.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  He took about two weeks off. And said, yeah, I need to go back there out there and get some cars. Well, my mama asked him to take my brother with him, you know, my dad's son from a previous marriage, my brother Brad. Um, and my daddy said, no, no, I'll, I'll go, I'll be fine, don't worry about it. That was Monday. We get a call Thursday and this is about two hours past the time he's supposed to be home and of course, my mama just thought he was just running late. Um, and we get a phone call and I answer it and it's my grandfather, which is my father's dad. Um, and he said, uh, Opie, I need to, I need to talk to your mama.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  And I said, okay, well, she's in her room. And he said, I love you. I said, well, I love you. My grandpa was great. I said, I love you too, grandpa. And he said, uh, let me talk to your mama is serious. And I'm thinking, serious, okay. You know, I was thirteen, not, that is not what's gonna cross my mind. I go in there and I open the door and I said, mama, my grandpa's on the phone. And I just kinda left the door cracked because I was gonna listen to the phone conversation.

• 28:27Bunnie XO?

  We all did that as kids.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  And mama sat up on the edge of the bed. And I could see her back and on the phone at the nightstand. And all of a sudden with about ten seconds, she starts screaming, saying, no, no. Then I opened the door again and I said, mama, what is it? And without, and I, I don't hold no grudge against this, this, I, again, I'm really putting myself in her shoes. She just turned around and screamed, your daddy is dead. And just starts crying and screaming, just really on the phone. You know, with, with my grandpa. And I thought, did I really just hear that? So I stood there just in, in shock.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  And waited till she got off the phone and I really don't remember what happened after that.

• 29:18Bunnie XO?

  You're disassociated.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  Other than I do know that I was the one that chose to call my sister, my dad's first child. Um, my mother hated her for all the wrong reasons. You know, she ain't never did anything to her, just didn't like her.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  I was the one that did call my sister and have to, and have to tell her.

• 29:41Bunnie XO?

  How, and you were thirteen?

• 29:43Speaker 02

  Thirteen. He died, uh, December fifteenth nineteen ninety-four. So right before Christmas. So. I I don't only remember pieces of the funeral. I I remember my dress being too tight because I had outgrown it. You know, I remember just these tiny little unimportant things about.

• 30:04Bunnie XO?

  Disassociated because you were under so much trauma that your brain just couldn't handle it. You pretty much like your brain just fragmented to cope and to be able to get through life.

• 30:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:15Bunnie XO?

  In that moment.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  And I I still, I still do that today. There are so many things that I have forgotten about that I'd even went through. Until I'm just driving down the road and all of a sudden a memory just pops in my mind, you know, um. I remember there was a lot of people at that funeral because he was so well loved in our community. He just kind of bent over backwards for just everybody, you know, he always said.

• 30:42Bunnie XO?

  Like an amazing man.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  He, oh, he was, he was perfect.

• 30:44Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  He said that's how he was so blessed because he enjoyed blessing other people. You know, he he did the same thing for Miss Jenny, you know, gave her a car for almost nothing, you know, he just would do anything for anybody, but um, so I, yeah, I didn't see her for about a year. I just continued getting up, going to school. Every morning, you know, I'd set my alarm clock and um, got up, I rode the bus and then I get into middle school.

• 31:15Bunnie XO?

  That's a lot. You have to deal with so much in such a short, short time of your life, you know, I just can't imagine just all that weight on your shoulders as a child, just knowing that you have to get up and be responsible for yourself, that you have to be the adult.

• 31:28Speaker 02

  You're doing it, Bunny, you don't even think about it.

• 31:31Bunnie XO?

  I know.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  You just, you just do it. You literally just do it because that's your life. And you don't think, oh, this is gonna be hard, or, oh, I shouldn't be doing it. You, you just survive.

• 31:42Bunnie XO?

  Survive, yep, yep.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  And sometimes just exist. Um, but you know, so I'm turning fourteen. And I'm getting the feel of middle school now and boys and attention and you know, what it looks like to go to a party and all that and then I just, things changed. Things changed. I um, started smoking. I started smoking marijuana, weed, the devil's grass. I, you know, just stupid stuff.

• 32:16Bunnie XO?

  But you're, that's normal. That's what all teenagers go through.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  Oh, of course.

• 32:20Bunnie XO?

  You know, I started doing that stuff at that. I left home at fourteen and never went back. So, you know, I imagine what I did on the streets of Vegas. We were doing, snorting glass and I mean, doing crazy shit. So yeah, no, I totally get it. But that's as a teenager, especially after all the trauma you've been through, you were just looking for an outlet.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  You, that is all you're doing. You're looking for any way you can to relieve, whatever it is you're dealing with.

• 32:48Bunnie XO?

  Absolutely.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  So because I feel like, because I wasn't getting the nurturing and the love and the attention from nobody else. You know, it was just me and her in that home. That's it. That's just me and her and I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't, I couldn't do anything with her. Um, she gets physical with me when I'm about fourteen, fourteen and a half. Uh, I don't remember what it was, but that was the first time that I had fought back. I pushed her over the coffee table.

• 33:30Bunnie XO?

  Good for you.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  I wouldn't mean it to.

• 33:34Bunnie XO?

  Still, it was just.

• 33:35Speaker 02

  I wanted her away from me.

• 33:37Bunnie XO?

  Right. You just had enough.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  Get off of me is, is where that come from. And when I did that, I don't think she messed with me physical.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  Again, really, I don't.

• 33:50Bunnie XO?

  Like a bully.

• 33:52Speaker 02

  I don't think she ever did. I think it was, oh, okay, she's my size now.

• 33:56Bunnie XO?

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:57Speaker 02

  I can't control her now physically.

• 33:59Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 34:00Speaker 02

  You know, I think it probably resonated with her, like, oh, okay, I may not need to do that now.

• 34:05Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  Um, so I, so I did. And she got up and she walked off and I walked out the house and, you know, back then there wasn't cell phones or social media. We all had them pagers, honey.

• 34:18Bunnie XO?

  Y'all had beapers. The codes.

• 34:21Speaker 02

  With the codes and I walked to the neighbor's house and called somebody to come get me and I don't even think, I come home for like one or two weeks and I still went to school. I stayed at my friend's house. I stayed. School was very, very important to me.

• 34:35Bunnie XO?

  Important to you.

• 34:35Speaker 02

  Very important to me. Um, and then I turned fifteen. You know, this is, you know, cutting everything a little bit shorter, you know, we don't have all the time in the world here.

• 34:43Bunnie XO?

  I mean, I, we, I'm loving your story, so you take your time.

• 34:47Speaker 02

  So.

• 34:48Bunnie XO?

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• 35:30Bunnie XO?

  Head to chime.com/bunny. That's chime.com/b-u-n-n-i-e. Sign up now. It only takes a few minutes. Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's bank partners. Direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com slash disclosures for details. You guys know I've always got a million things going on and sometimes I wonder where my day even went. I was listening to Cal Newport talk about something called shallow work in his class on the MasterClass platform. Basically, constantly jumping from one thing to another makes it harder to focus, even when you think you're being productive. And let me tell you, that really hit home. It made me realize I need to be more intentional with my time. Plus, they have over 200 classes led by the world's best instructors.

• 36:15Bunnie XO?

  From Michael Lewis on storytelling to James Clear on building better habits. If you're looking to invest yourself or give a gift to that friend who's always eager to learn, this is something they'll use. Audio mode lets you listen during workouts or commutes and lessons are easily downloadable right now. Plans start at just $10 a month billed annually. Backed by a 30-day money-back guarantee. MasterClass keeps adding new classes, so there's never been a better time to get in. Right now, you can get up to 50% off any annual membership at masterclass.com/bunie. That's up to 50% off at masterclass.com/bunny. Head to masterclass.com/bunny to see the latest offer.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  I'm 15 now and I meet this boy. Lord, how mercy did I fall in love with him?

• 36:58Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  He was just... He, y'all, Lord, I fell in love. And this was not puppy love. He was something else.

• 37:07Bunnie XO?

  Love, yeah.

• 37:08Speaker 02

  Um, and I got, I have sex, not thinking, not knowing this could be life-changing. You know, you're not thinking that at the moment. It's the attention that you're getting.

• 37:22Bunnie XO?

  It's the love.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  That you need, that affection. It's, it's all of that that you're missing. You're just getting it.

• 37:27Bunnie XO?

  That doesn't make you, but you're not a bad person. You literally have been through a lot of shit. You're a kid that's experimenting. What you've, what you're doing is normal for, you know, a child that's been through all the shit you've been through.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  That's precisely what the hell was happening.

• 37:40Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 37:40Speaker 02

  Um, so I, so I didn't, and see, what's crazy is that I didn't know anything about the symptoms. I didn't know what to look for.

• 37:49Bunnie XO?

  Pregnant the first time you had sex?

• 37:50Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:51Bunnie XO?

  Oh, I have a similar story too. I ended up having to get an abortion because I was living on the streets, but...

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 37:58Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. Um, that's crazy that the same exact thing almost happened to me. Our stories are so eerily similar. It's crazy.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  I, I did, but... You, you know, when my daughter was sixteen, seventeen, you know, we had already had a million dag gum talks.

• 38:16Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 38:16Speaker 02

  You know?

• 38:17Bunnie XO?

  Oh, that's how I am with Bailey. With Bailey, it's like I try to keep the lines. I try to do everything that my stepmom did not do with me. You know, and break every emotional trauma that I ever went through and every generational curse, you know, and with Bailey, I try to tell her everything. You know, like, we, if anything happens, she comes and sits down and talks to me. And just like you, I couldn't go and talk to my, my stepmom like that because I never knew what kind of mood she would be in, or you know. She was never diagnosed.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Couldn't trust her.

• 38:47Bunnie XO?

  At all. And if you did anything wrong, the whole family knew about it. Like, it was just one of those things, you know? Um, so you have sex for the first time. You get pregnant.

• 38:58Speaker 02

  Get pregnant. Had no, had no idea, no idea. The, what, what happened and what made me? Okay, wait a minute here. What's, what's happening to my body? I got my period, I think, when I was like twelve, twelve and a half. That was the first time I got in my period. And that's a whole nother story. Cause it is, it's hilarious. Um, but I woke up that morning. I think it was on a Saturday, something like that. And my boobs were so sore. Now, from the time I, I first got my cycle, I had never had that symptom. Now I'm forty and two days before I start my period, these things are engorged.

• 39:37Bunnie XO?

  I have a little app that tracks everything in my life.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  I never had that symptom. So I'm thinking, what's going on here? Didn't think anything about it. At the time, my friend Sarah, Miss Jenny's daughter, was pregnant. She's probably about six months, I think, six months along. Um, and I ended up calling her. I said, why, why are my boobs hurting? What, what did I, did I like pull a muscle? And she said, oh, Opie, you know, have you and Garrett, have y'all been having sex or doing? And I was like, no. And I said, I said, no. She said, are you sure? And I said, no. I mean, I just did it just like that. And she said. Okay, I'm coming to get you. The thing is, Ms. Jenny worked at a clinic. A pregnancy test clinic.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  Um, now it was Christian based. So there were a lot of things in there, a lot of anti-abortion and all of that stuff and. Um, but because she worked there, um, you know, she can bring tests home or I could come there. Um, so I ended up going to Ms. Jenny and Ms. Jenny gives me a test. And as I'm waiting on it, she comes back in there, she says, you know, what would you do? You know, if, if, if you're not pregnant, this has to be a scare tactic. You, you've got to do things a little differently with your life now, don't you think? You know, it was not scolding me.

• 41:04Speaker 02

  But helping me understand, hey, I might, i- if this is a negative, this is a good thing and I need to, I need to take care of myself.

• 41:12Bunnie XO?

  She was being a mom.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  She was being a mama. Um, so we had a little, a little conversation, you know, ten fifteen minutes and. Um, she said, okay, well, I'll be back. And she comes back in there and she says, you're pregnant. And I wasn't scared, I wasn't, I didn't, I think I wasn't. It wasn't registering how serious this situation was for a fifteen year old. Because it is. It is. Um, so I said, okay, and I said, it just like that, okay. Um, and she said, but now we've got to go tell your mama.

• 41:52Speaker 02

  Cause you know, you need to go to the doctor, you need to, you know, make arrangements for things and. My mother is extremely religious, so you know. I knew right off the bat abortion was not gonna be something that my little self was gonna do. Um, now I am a Christian, but I'm also pro-choice.

• 42:16Bunnie XO?

  I would have never.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  You have to be.

• 42:19Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  I got a daughter running around on this world and I want my damn daughter to have a freaking choice.

• 42:25Bunnie XO?

  Okay. I could have gone back in time and not got the, what happened was it, uh, I ended up getting the abortion. They didn't give me enough medication. I was awake the whole time, so I felt them ripping the baby from my body. And I was crying, telling them to stop and they wouldn't stop. Well, the doctor ended up messing up something inside of me, um, and I had two ectopic pregnancies after that.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  Really?

• 42:47Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, so I paid for my choice as anything that I've ever done in my life that I've ever felt that I shouldn't do and I still did it. I always, my karma always comes back around and you know, I always get taught my lesson. But I was, you know, as a baby, I didn't know what was happening and I was pressured by the guy that I got pregnant by and you know, it was just, I was living on the streets. I was a runaway, you know, so it was like, I, that was.

• 43:12Speaker 02

  The hell was you supposed to do?

• 43:13Bunnie XO?

  What was I gonna do, you know, but I one hundred percent respect your decision. I think what you did was amazing and brave to do at fifteen.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's, I mean, even though, even though, and, and I hate talking about politics, but this is, this is important to me.

• 43:28Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I know.

• 43:29Speaker 02

  I feel like, I feel like I'm a good representation of what a real Christian looks like, you know? Um, is abortion for me? Probably not, just because I'm an old sappy woman and I'm in a different situation than someone who has to make a decision like that. I've never been in something like that.

• 43:50Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 43:50Speaker 02

  You know, um, and truth be told, nobody likes abortion, nobody. But the people who have to go through that, I can't even imagine, you know? But I think the government needs to stay out of people's business, I'm gonna say that.

• 44:03Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, this whole thing that's happening in Texas is, in Illinois, right? Is it, or is it just, yeah, that's just.

• 44:09Speaker 02

  It's crazy.

• 44:10Bunnie XO?

  There's a lot of, um, things I would love to speak about on that too. I just don't understand it and I think a woman's body is, you know, her body and if, what if somebody gets raped or?

• 44:22Speaker 02

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 44:23Bunnie XO?

  Or, you know, like, there's just so many.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  It's too many scenarios.

• 44:28Bunnie XO?

  It's not black and white. It's not black and white. It's literally, there's so much gray area and what they're doing, I think is just not right.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  It just wasn't in the cards for me personally.

• 44:40Bunnie XO?

  Yes, when you told your mom that you were pregnant, how did that go?

• 44:44Speaker 02

  She threw a Bible at my stomach.

• 44:48Speaker 02

  She was standing, uh, actually I'd probably sitting just like this. Um, and she was standing in front of me because I'd walked in the door. Now, Ms. Jenny sat in that vehicle outside.

• 44:58Bunnie XO?

  I'm so mad at your mom.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  To make sure that I was gonna be safe delivering this information.

• 45:05Bunnie XO?

  Cause she knew how your mom was.

• 45:06Speaker 02

  Because Sarah was like, just wait till you start showing and I said, no, I, I have to be honest and I have to tell her right now. And I, I told her the same day. I wanted, I wanted to do everything the right way as I felt should have been done.

• 45:22Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  You know, um, and I couldn't hold that from my mama, even though she wasn't a good one.

• 45:30Bunnie XO?

  You have such an amazing moral compass.

• 45:32Speaker 02

  I was still her child. And I would certainly be devastated if my daughter kept something like that from me.

• 45:42Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 45:43Speaker 02

  So I wanted her to know that still as her daughter, I, I respected her and I needed her to know is what I needed. Um, and I said, well, I've got something to tell you. And she stands there and she says, what? You know, just an old attitude. Um, and I said, I'm pregnant, just like that. She looks at me and I don't know if you've ever seen one of these bibles before, it's one of them big, thick bibles. They're old, like from the seventies and they usually sit on people's coffee tables at somebody's grandma's house.

• 46:14Bunnie XO?

  And they're heavy.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  Yes. She picked up that bible and threw it at my stomach as hard as she could, as hard as she could.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  And she said, you are on your own with that bastard child and walked away. And I sat there a little bit in shock because I'm sitting here as a fifteen year old child, because I was a child.

• 46:39Bunnie XO?

  Trying to process.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  Trying to figure out, is this a bad thing that just happened? Do I need to go tell Ms. Jenny? Is, is the baby okay? Like, that's really what I'm thinking. Because, you know, you don't know this stuff. You see stuff on movies and, you know, pregnant women fall down and they lose the baby. I'm really not thinking of me.

• 46:59Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  I'm thinking of this very teeny tiny. You know, probably six week little baby in the inside of me. So she walked away and went back to the room and I grabbed my things and I walked out the door and I knew Miss Jenny would still be sitting out there and she was. And I got in the car and she says, are we going home? And I said, yes, ma'am, we're going to your home. And she didn't say anything in the vehicle. We just drove. It was me, Sarah and Miss Jenny.

• 47:29Bunnie XO?

  That brings me to tear up too again.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  Just wa- looking out the window, just crying, you know, because I didn't need anything from my mother at that moment, other than support. I, you know, no money, no nothing. I just needed her to say, it's gonna be okay.

• 47:50Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 47:51Speaker 02

  I never got that, you know, ever.

• 47:56Speaker 02

  But I got it from Miss Jenny when I was getting out of the car, when we got to her house. Um, she gets out of the car and she walks over there and she says, that's okay. I love you and we're gonna figure this thing out.

• 48:12Bunnie XO?

  Praise Jesus for Miss Jenny, right?

• 48:15Speaker 02

  She was wonderful, wonderful. You know, here she was, has her own daughter pregnant at sixteen. And then she's got little Aphelia, because that's what she always called me, pregnant at fifteen.

• 48:28Bunnie XO?

  We're all in here crying. This is so. I needed, no, I needed the emotional release. No, it's just.

• 48:37Speaker 02

  It takes you back to those little girl moments, don't it?

• 48:40Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 48:41Speaker 02

  That's what happens on my TikToks is people just, they feel in those moments and it makes them think that was me when I was seventeen, that was me.

• 48:51Bunnie XO?

  When you do uh EMDR, I, I always say it wrong. I don't know if it's EDMR or EMDR. I think it's EMDR therapy. I don't know if you've ever done that. They have you go back to the child and you, and have these conversations with the child um of yourself, you know, and it's one of the most emotional things you'll ever do, but it was really freeing.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  My other therapist that I've had told me about it, I don't know, maybe about three years ago. But it, I said, no, I think, I think that one will be a little bit too difficult.

• 49:23Bunnie XO?

  We do it when you're ready, but I've done, I did about two sessions of it and it felt, it was just such an emotional cleanse that I needed.

• 49:30Speaker 02

  I was about to say it's probably a release.

• 49:32Bunnie XO?

  Yes, and so whenever you're ready, I would definitely look into that and, you know, take that time for you. Because I feel like just from, you know, just the beginning of your conversation now, the little bit, I know you're such a, um. You're a lot like me. It's like, it doesn't matter what we go through, we're always gonna put other people's emotions before ours because.

• 49:54Speaker 02

  Oh, yes.

• 49:55Bunnie XO?

  Deep down inside, we just don't want to hurt, you know? So, and as, you know, I'm forty two and I didn't get depression until I was forty years old. Because of all of the abuse and trauma that I didn't deal with. So the past two years, I've been on this spiritual journey of just trying to heal and just. You know, whatever tactics I can do as far as therapeutic and therapy to help with that. So I just don't ever want it to hit you like a ton of bricks one day like it did me, you know?

• 50:28Bunnie XO?

  After you moved to Jen- Miss Jenny's, did you stay there the entire?

• 50:33Speaker 02

  I didn't move there. I stayed there for a few weeks.

• 50:36Bunnie XO?

  Okay, gotcha.

• 50:37Speaker 02

  And then my mother called me, um, at Miss Jenny's house and said. I've made you a doctor's appointment, so I'm gonna come get you because I need to take you to the doctor. Now she was being like a normal mom at the moment and I said, okay, and I was very grateful.

• 50:57Bunnie XO?

  You just wanted her to love you.

• 50:59Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh, yes. Oh, yes, Lord, yes. And she did. She came to get me from Miss Jenny's, um, and she took me to my first doctor's appointment. Um, and I was like six and a half weeks.

• 51:15Speaker 02

  And then I, we left there and I, I went home and tried to, you know, be normal. Now, this was in the summertime that I found out I was pregnant, if I'm not mistaken.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  But when school starts to happen, which I think is August or September.

• 51:35Speaker 02

  I go in there in the room. Now, things are okay. They're they're okay for those those few months.

• 51:41Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 51:41Speaker 02

  Now, she was still mean and hateful, but there was no abuse, physical abuse. There were verbal. There would always be that. Um, but it it it wasn't just so, so difficult that I needed to get out of there. It was it was tolerable, you know?

• 51:56Bunnie XO?

  It was like a walk in the park for you if you weren't getting hit finally for once.

• 52:00Speaker 02

  Right, that's exactly right. But no, she it was nothing physical during that time, which I was I was glad. Um, so but school was about to start and that was the first year that Mobile County made it mandatory for kids to wear uniforms. You know, everybody's gonna wear khaki pants, white shirt, or whatever school color you have. Um, and they the reason they did that, and they did this years ago, back in nineteen ninety eight or ninety seven, I think, um, was to cut the bullying down. You know, not everybody's able to have nice clothes and you know, clean clothes and, you know, stuff like that. So they felt like, okay, well, if all of y'all are wearing the same thing, you don't have anything to say now, do you?

• 52:44Speaker 02

  I liked the idea. I thought it was cool, but here's where my problem fell in. Um, so I went in there, my mom's room, and I said, um, what am I gonna do about uniforms? And she said, I'm not buying you uniforms. I said, well, tha- that's, you know, we can't wear normal clothes no more. She says, I be damned if I go anywhere to have to buy maternity uniforms. You are not going to that school and embarrassing this family. That's like, just, you know, easily come out of her mouth. Just, it was nothing to her to say that. I'm sitting here thinking, um, I'll be sixteen in like two weeks, you know, birthday's in September. I have to go to school, you know?

• 53:28Speaker 02

  Uh, it became a huge argument. Uh, I called my big sister Laurie. That's me and Laurie's like this. Um, and I said, can you please talk to her? Because if I don't have uniforms, I can't go to school. I I gotta go to school because, honey, I didn't care what I had to do. I was gonna be a forensic anthropologist. That was my goal. That's what I was gonna do. I was going to University of Knoxville, Tennessee. That's where I was gonna go. And I'm sitting here thinking, if I don't get to school, what in the world am I gonna do? You know? So my sister gets involved, it becomes a huge conflict with my mother. It it doesn't work. So I couldn't, I I dropped out of school. She wouldn't go and sign me up, she wouldn't do anything.

• 54:13Speaker 02

  There was no other guardian that I had that was connected to my school records. Um, I even called Miss Jenny and I said, can we lie, can we say I levered something to get me? I did everything I could and Miss Jenny said, you know, I feel you, I love you. But I cannot get involved with something like that regarding. You know, your school stuff with your mom, cause my mama was terrible.

• 54:37Speaker 02

  And I understood that I would be putting Miss Jenny in harm's way. Um, so I dealt with it.

• 54:43Bunnie XO?

  Where was the father of the child during all this?

• 54:46Speaker 02

  Um, when I told him I was pregnant, we we stayed together and then when I was about three months. He broke up with me. Just out of nowhere, he's.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  Me and him are. We're like, we are just, I mean, we've been friends for twenty four years. He didn't know what the hell to do.

• 55:08Bunnie XO?

  I mean, you guys were babies.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  I have never hated him, I never asked for child support, I never did nothing. I just brought this youngin into this world. And that's it, anytime he would call throughout the years to see Gibson, absolutely. Of course, you know, he will defend me for anybody, he is, I love him. He just got scared, he didn't know what the hell to do and. Yes, I figured it out and he could have too, but he didn't.

• 55:43Bunnie XO?

  Men can just walk away and it's.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  Honey, he was living it up. Living it up, he was partying, you know, at this time, I think he had turned eighteen, so now he was. The big shot going in the clubs now. Oh, I was so angry. Hated him. The pregnancy was terrible. I developed preeclampsia. Um, at uh thirty two weeks.

• 56:15Speaker 02

  I kept going into preterm labor.

• 56:18Bunnie XO?

  What is preeclampsia for people at home who might not, who might not know what it is?

• 56:22Speaker 02

  Well, there's preeclampsia and then there's toxemia. I've actually had both with my pregnancies. Preeclampsia is when the blood pressure of the mother is elevated so high. Where cr- cr- if I'm, I hope I'm saying this right. Creatine um spills over into the kidneys. And they're able to see that through our, our urine when we pee in a cup, but the blood pressure skyrockets. And the only way to cure mama is to deliver this baby. So if mama gets preeclampsia when she's twenty eight weeks pregnant. That's bad. They're gonna have to induce you and take the, yeah, it's really, really bad.

• 57:02Bunnie XO?

  Do you think it's because of all the stress that you were under?

• 57:04Speaker 02

  Um, I asked the doctor that, um, which I thought was a smart question, being so young. But I knew my daddy had high blood pressure. He says it could be. He said sometimes it just happens spur of the moment for mamas. He says sometimes it's hereditary. He said with you, there's really just no telling. Um, and I said, well, what about because I'm young? And he said, it has nothing to do with it. He said, your age during the pregnancy, any woman can get preeclampsia. Or toxemia. Uh, but that's it. The, the only way to save your life is to induce the labor. Um, and have a C-section, or if they feel you're okay to have a natural birth, they'll, they'll do that.

• 57:48Speaker 02

  Um, I had went into preterm labor several times up until this point. I was constantly being taken to the, to the ER. My mother constantly taking me to the ER. Just dropping me off, um, getting them to check everything out, you know, um, and.

• 58:08Speaker 02

  We were out yard selling one Saturday. And I didn't feel right. I looked in the mirror in the, you know, the pull down mirror in the car. My face was very puffy.

• 58:21Speaker 02

  I noticed my feet were swelling. I had read that book, What to Expect While You're Expecting. So I knew the feet swelling. Was gonna be more of a bigger issue once later in my pregnancy, but I'm thirty two. Thirty two weeks, I'm thinking, okay, well, that might not be a good thing. So I tell my mom, I said. I don't feel right. Something don't feel right with me. I don't, I don't, I don't feel good. So she says, are you having the Braxton Hicks again? Are you having the contractions again? Um, and I said, I don't think so. I don't, I don't think so, cause I didn't really know what, what. To feel like.

• 58:59Speaker 02

  Each time that I had went into, which I think was about four times prior to this. My uterus was not contracting for me to recognize what a contraction was. I had just had severe pressure down below, which they said, you know, that, that's. Usually part of a contraction, but I wasn't, I didn't know enough about a contraction to know that was a part of that. So those other times I'd went into preterm labor, my stomach never contracted. I never had Braxton Hicks. I had other symptoms that. Was diagnosed as preterm labor. So this time I felt my stomach getting hard. I was so young, I, I didn't know that was a contraction.

• 59:45Speaker 02

  So I said, I, I just don't feel right. Can you, can you take me? She threw a fit. She was real mean about it and. She said, well, I'll take you. I'll just drop you off. And I'm thinking to myself, well, that's fine, cause that's what you always do, but you know. Well, she drops me off and they take me to the back. They get a urine sample from me because when the nurse walked in, she said, how long has your face been? Are you swollen? And I said, yeah, you know, cause I knew. Um, they immediately ordered the urine, cause they had. It, they said they already thought this looks like preeclampsia right here, preeclampsia. Uh, and they tested and sure enough, uh, it was one of about two hours, the doc came in, he said, okay, little lady.

• 1:00:27Speaker 02

  I've got to induce your labor, um, you have a pretty bad case of preeclampsia. Um, so we're gonna have to take this baby right now.

• 1:00:36Bunnie XO?

  Is that safe to do?

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  Uh, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The, I mean, it, people getting, pe- people get induced all the time. It's, it's very safe, uh, it's normal. Um, it's, now, I don't know what it feels like to just naturally go into labor, walking through the mall and your water breaking.

• 1:00:53Bunnie XO?

  Must be nice, right?

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz all of, all four were induced.

• 1:00:57Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  Because of preeclampsia or toxemia.

• 1:01:00Bunnie XO?

  Gotcha.

• 1:01:01Speaker 02

  Um, so I said, okay, um, okay, you know, and I called my mama and she said, okay. And I didn't see her until, you know, after the baby was born, but, um.

• 1:01:14Bunnie XO?

  So you did it all by yourself?

• 1:01:15Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, with a nurse that I fell in love with, was so good to me through the whole thing. Um, I used to go and see her every year on my son's birthday. I'd take him to, to go see her. Um, yes, I was, it was just me, that nurse, the doctors and the other nurses and I delivered him, um. For a brief moment, they thought they were gonna have to do a cesarean. Um, but things took a turn for the better and I was able to just push that little three pound baby out. He was the size of my hand.

• 1:01:53Bunnie XO?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  It's so tiny.

• 1:01:55Bunnie XO?

  Like a puppy. Like a little puppy.

• 1:01:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. He came out looking just like his father.

• 1:02:01Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 1:02:02Speaker 02

  I was like, really, really, Lord?

• 1:02:04Bunnie XO?

  After all this shit, this is what I gotta deal with? In that moment, after you gave birth, how did you feel? Did you feel the love that everybody says?

• 1:02:12Speaker 02

  This blissful moment? No. I didn't feel any of that. I, I told you I was gonna come on this podcast and be truthful. No, I was exhausted. And then I was like, oh, you're gonna put him on, you know?

• 1:02:23Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was, I was sixteen. Still not realizing um I'm legit a momma. Those good feelings didn't really come until um after I had unfortunately after I had him um I had a seizure due to the preeclampsia.

• 1:02:43Bunnie XO?

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:02:44Speaker 02

  So I had to end up in ICU for a little bit um after I had him. So he was being taken well taken care of by the nurses while I was you know trying to get better. Um so once I was able to come out of there moved to a normal room and they brought him in there to me then it was the okay he's all mine. He's all mine um.

• 1:03:06Bunnie XO?

  So what happens after this after you have the baby? Do you go back home?

• 1:03:10Speaker 02

  I do go back home and I've I've told many stories about you know things that happened after that on my social media mainly on my TikTok.

• 1:03:20Bunnie XO?

  Can we touch on them a little bit just in case the people this is their first time hearing it?

• 1:03:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, because especially since I've brought up Miss Jenny um because I was out and about with my mama that day. Um you know yard selling and I go into preterm labor and her dropping me off but don't come back until I had until you know it's time to be discharged. So I didn't have anything. I didn't have no shampoo, no body wash, no brush. I I didn't have anything. Um I called my mama after I'd gotten out of ICU because I was in there a few days. Um I called my mama and I said, can you bring me some hygiene stuff, you know? I don't have toothbrush and all that and she told me no. I said, okay, you know.

• 1:04:10Speaker 02

  A couple hours later after I called Miss Jenny and I said, Miss Jenny, you gonna come see the baby today? And she said, of course I'm coming. Of course I'm coming to see that baby. Um and um I said, well, can you see if Sarah can bring me like a pair of um shorts or shorts? I said, I don't have anything here. Now I didn't say anything. I didn't say I don't have toothbrush or nothing. I just said, can you ask Sarah if she bring me a few clothes I can sleep in comfortably? Um and she said, of course I will. Well, Miss Jenny shows up at the hospital, walks in the door with this big old basket. And in that basket was body wash and toothbrush and everything I needed to get myself back together. And I said,

• 1:04:53Speaker 02

  Miss Jenny, how'd you know I needed all that? She said, honey, your mama dropped you off with nothing, so I came back with everything. I couldn't, she, she always came in those moments that I needed her. You know?

• 1:05:09Bunnie XO?

  She was a real, but she was a mom.

• 1:05:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:11Bunnie XO?

  She was the mom that you weren't given.

• 1:05:13Speaker 02

  She thought she birthed me. That's how good she was, she was to me. But, but yeah, I'd, I'd go home. I remember, um, being wheeled out of the hospital, um, and I was holding him, he's so tiny, so tiny. Now, he was so little, you know, he had to stay in there a few weeks, you know, cause he's, he's so little. Then he had to have a surgery, I know it, uh, because he had pyloric stenosis. Pyloric stenosis is like this muscle between the esophagus and the stomach that makes it where the formula comes out projectile.

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  Uh, whenever you're, you have a baby, you'll always hear a pediatrician, look, you look for these things. If you see this, you need to bring the baby back in. That's one of that because the projectile vomitant could mean pyloric stenosis. Um, and sure enough, I paid attention, um, and they seen it in the hospital after I'd called them in there. I said, hey, this came out like the poultry ghost, this ain't right. And they x-rayed him. Sure enough, he had pyloric stenosis. So then he had to have surgery. Um, but the day we were leaving, they were willing me out and I, I was holding him and I, n- no lie, I looked down and I told, I said, I'm gonna do everything I can

• 1:06:35Speaker 02

  to keep this baby safe and happy and healthy. And so much better than what I had because, you know, we had the finances, we had the beautiful home and the nice car and I had nice clothes. I had anything I wanted, material wise. I just didn't have the only thing I needed, which was, which was that love, you know?

• 1:06:59Bunnie XO?

  He picked you, though, you know, your son picked you. He knew you needed.

• 1:07:03Speaker 02

  Oh, he saved me and he he probably don't even have any idea because I don't.

• 1:07:08Bunnie XO?

  Is that the one that I met?

• 1:07:10Speaker 02

  My oldest twenty four, so twenty four years ago, I had him, but I, you know, I don't even think those youngins. Know just how bad it was for me. Because I don't, I don't want, I don't even want the memories or of me telling this. In their minds.

• 1:07:29Bunnie XO?

  Well, you've guarded them so much because you know, you just didn't want them to ever hurt like you did. Or have a, you know. So what happens now after you have the baby, you go back home, what happens now?

• 1:07:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I I go home, you know, um, and it was about, I don't know, maybe. Two, three days later, and I could have the timeframe messed up because I, this is, I have terrible PTSD from all of this mess, but.

• 1:07:57Bunnie XO?

  You've been through some shit.

• 1:07:58Speaker 02

  My mother leaves and go somewhere. I wanna say maybe she was shopping. I don't even know.

• 1:08:06Speaker 02

  I'm in my room and I'm, I'm feeding the baby. I'm feeding Gibson and she come through the door.

• 1:08:15Speaker 02

  Out of just out of nowhere, she opens the door and she says, you need to leave. And I said, huh, you know, what? She says, I don't want you here anymore. I don't want you or that bastard here anymore. She would always call my baby. A bastard, like I could, I could physically harm. Somebody today calling my child that.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  About that word and her and referring to my baby as that, but it. Infuriated me, but I knew I could tell by her eyes, I could tell by her face. She was in a manic episode. So I had learned throughout the years when to don't say nothing. Don't, don't fight back. Agree and walk away. Keep the peace. You, you need to be. There is a baby right here. We need to be safe. So I, I just said, okay, just like that. I said, okay. And I went to get some stuff and she said, no, you're not taking any of this because I paid for this.

• 1:09:19Bunnie XO?

  We're just an evil shit of

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  honey. And I put the baby in the car seat. Which she didn't pay for. I had gotten a baby shower um that I had was given um. I grabbed the baby. I didn't have no clothes. I grabbed what I could fit in his diaper bag. What I could fit in there. And again, there were no cell phones back then um. But I went to go use the phone in the kitchen. And she was right behind me and she snatched it right out of my hand very aggressively. A- again, I knew that if I did anything, this would escalate.

• 1:09:58Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:09:58Speaker 02

  And she could harm this baby.

• 1:10:01Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  And the only thing I needed to do. I need to get the house that house with that baby is what I needed to do.

• 1:10:07Bunnie XO?

  Yep.

• 1:10:07Speaker 02

  So after she snatches the phone, and this is, this was. I don't think I have ever been so afraid and so quiet. In any of her episodes as I was at this moment.

• 1:10:21Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:10:21Speaker 02

  On this one. And it was because this baby was here.

• 1:10:24Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:10:24Speaker 02

  Um. I grabbed the car seat and I walked out that damn door. Now, our nearest neighbor was about a mile and a half. Cause there were wooded areas between us. And I took that carrier and I walked to my neighbor's house. Where my friend Amanda lived and. I, I mean, I wasn't crying. I was upset. I. I was afraid because I didn't know if she was gonna come behind me in the vehicle and try to run me. I just didn't know.

• 1:10:52Bunnie XO?

  You can't trust her.

• 1:10:53Speaker 02

  It was the look on her eye. It's the look on her face. It was. I've never seen.

• 1:10:58Bunnie XO?

  I call it shark eyes. They look like sharks. Whenever they get like that.

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  That her eyes in general were traumatizing enough.

• 1:11:05Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:11:06Speaker 02

  And my feelings were right. She was.

• 1:11:08Speaker 01

  Stay tuned to next week's episode to see what happens in part two of Dumb Blonde Podcast.

• 1:11:14Bunnie XO?

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• 1:11:59Bunnie XO?

  wait until Black Friday. Get it launched. Learn what works for you and have everything ready before that holiday traffic starts coming in." If you're ready to launch your business before Black Friday, go to Shopify.com/bunny to start your free trial. That's Shopify.com/B-U-N-N-I-E. Go to Shopify.com/bunny today to hear your first