Ep 583 - Ice Cream Dream (feat. James McCann)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See James Live @ https://www.jdfmccann.com/ Go See Optimum Noctis Next Week or another week if you want @ https://www.creekandcave.com/events/optimumnoctis hello0o0ooo. Happy Halloween!!!!!! Here's the cast for this week. The D. A. W. G. Z. w/ Jimmy Mack. Hot cast, hot paytch too. What else is new hehe. Hope you all have a good fright tonight! And a good weekend too. Please enjoy. God Bless. Battlefield REDSEC is the ultimate Free to Play FPS Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The Wild Wild West.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  Hey. What's up, guys?

• 0:04Matt McCusker?

  What's up, everybody? How we doing?

• 0:06Speaker 03

  Hello.

• 0:06Matt McCusker?

  This is just awesome stuff.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  This is awesome.

• 0:09Matt McCusker?

  This is great stuff. I love this, man.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 0:11Matt McCusker?

  Just this.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:13Matt McCusker?

  Podcasting, chilling. I'm right now, I'm, I'm dealing with all the haters on Twitter right now.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  What are the haters doing?

• 0:19Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I, I sent like a friendly tweet out yesterday saying like how much I can't believe, I can't believe how much I look like Mark Wahlberg with my hat backwards.

• 0:27Matt McCusker?

  Everyone's attacking me saying like, yeah, Mark Wahlberg quotes, and they give me pictures of Fred Durst. I'm like, yo, what the hell, guys?

• 0:33Speaker 03

  It's gotta be nicer than the handsome young boys.

• 0:36Speaker 01

  It's a nice compliment.

• 0:37Matt McCusker?

  Good. No, it's, you see the picture.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  There's rules.

• 0:40Matt McCusker?

  I'm going for Wahlberg, bro. I'm going for, I was, obviously I was kidding. I was like, damn, I can't believe how much I look like Mark Wahlberg.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Can I see?

• 0:48Matt McCusker?

  I look exactly like Mark Wahlberg. I know. I know.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  You look exactly.

• 0:52Matt McCusker?

  I look exactly like Mark Wahlberg.

• 0:54Speaker 01

  Can you do a Wahlberg impression?

• 0:55Matt McCusker?

  Uh, I'll have to think about it. What's he doing?

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gotta show him the, uh, what's the fucking name of the brand?

• 1:02Matt McCusker?

  Mm, municipal.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Municipal.

• 1:03Matt McCusker?

  Mm, my, my jeans are too short. My wife made fun of me this morning. Mm.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, you do have those.

• 1:09Matt McCusker?

  I got the project, right?

• 1:10Speaker 01

  You got those Schultes on. You got the Capri's, dude.

• 1:14Matt McCusker?

  Municipal, mm. Look at the swag. Mm. Did you see him with a?

• 1:17Speaker 01

  Did you pray this morning at 5:00 AM?

• 1:18Matt McCusker?

  Did I what?

• 1:19Speaker 01

  Did you pray at 5:00 AM?

• 1:21Matt McCusker?

  I probably did. I woke up early. If I, I always, I stay very prayed up.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  Did you and AC Slater stay straight, pray, prayed up?

• 1:28Matt McCusker?

  AC Slater stays prayed up?

• 1:29Speaker 01

  Yes, dude.

• 1:30Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know that.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Slater and fucking Wahlberg are boys, dude.

• 1:32Matt McCusker?

  Are they boys?

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Yes, and they're tough.

• 1:34Matt McCusker?

  I saw him mogging Druski, bro.

• 1:36Speaker 01

  Who mogged Druski?

• 1:37Matt McCusker?

  Mark Wahlberg.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I did see that.

• 1:39Matt McCusker?

  That boy, where you think I'm from? That's what he said on Druski's show. Said, boy, where you think I'm from? It's pretty sick.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  You ever see Eminem mog Wahlberg?

• 1:50Matt McCusker?

  Yes, I saw that. That was, he mogged the shit. Well, Wahlberg was trying to switch lanes, I think. Wahlberg was probably like, man, you catch me 10 years ago when I was wilding out, we see about this. But yeah, Eminem mugged Wahlberg on TRL.

• 2:03Speaker 01

  Eminem was mean to him, dude.

• 2:05Matt McCusker?

  Well, he was just kind of like, he was killing him. I don't know, what was Wahlberg doing that he didn't like, he was probably partied out.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  Eminem, I think, hated every white rapper.

• 2:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, also, he was Marky Mark, so he was getting compared to Marky Mark all the time. It was kind of like a diss.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  He hated.

• 2:20Matt McCusker?

  So we had to bring it to him.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  He always talks shit on Vanilla Ice, Mark Wahlberg.

• 2:23Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  All of them.

• 2:25Matt McCusker?

  That's our problem is white rappers, dude, just grabs and bucket.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  I know. We gotta change the culture. We gotta stop the violence and vote. As white rappers, we need to stop the violence and vote.

• 2:40Speaker 01

  White rappers probably do need to stop the violence and vote.

• 2:44Matt McCusker?

  They do.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  The non-Jewish white rappers. I feel like the Jewish white rappers are nice.

• 2:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're fine.

• 2:51Speaker 03

  You think the Beastie Boys would be more into each other?

• 2:53Speaker 01

  They're definitely cool.

• 2:54Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I was at a, fuck, where was I recently? Buffalo. I was in Buffalo walking into a show and a guy was like, yo, check it out, it's Ad Rock's jacket. He was like, I think he used to drive limos and Ad Rock left his jacket. It literally said Ad Rock was an old Beastie Boys jacket.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  It's incredible.

• 3:08Matt McCusker?

  It was awesome. He let me wear it. He goes, I didn't even, he's like, put it on.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  That's how you started feeling like Mark Wahlberg.

• 3:12Matt McCusker?

  What the hell are you talking about? What the hell are you talking about, dude?

• 3:15Speaker 01

  You felt the fucking.

• 3:16Speaker 03

  Ad Rock flowed through you and the jacket actually.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  Blood of the white rapper kings.

• 3:20Matt McCusker?

  I really felt, I really felt the power, man.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  You felt our ancestors.

• 3:23Matt McCusker?

  I did. I felt good, man. I put on the Ad Rock jacket, you know, but I had to give it right back, but just kind of hoping he'd let me keep it, but he didn't. It was actually, it's a sick possession.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:32Matt McCusker?

  Driving a limo and Ad Rock leaves a jacket. He's like, dude, I've been wearing this thing for like 10 years. I think it was sick. But yeah, man.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  Oh, you were a white rapper?

• 3:39Matt McCusker?

  Oh, shit.

• 3:40Speaker 03

  Hmm?

• 3:42Speaker 03

  I've been rapping, I've been laying it down. Mr. Very Good Rapper, I'll be out there. I'm just waiting. I'm trying to do production now. Trying to get other people to do the rapping and no one will buy the beats.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  Really?

• 3:52Speaker 03

  Zero beats purchased.

• 3:54Matt McCusker?

  You know, it's hard to sell beats now. So you can just go on, yeah, you can just go on and be like, you used to make like $250,000 for beats and now it's like, you just do a whatever Swiss beat style. There's a million things on YouTube.

• 4:07Speaker 03

  I may have to pay for a feature. It may come to it.

• 4:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:11Speaker 03

  What I would like to do is get a street rapper.

• 4:13Matt McCusker?

  What's your hook? You gotta yell something out.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  Y'all just.

• 4:17Matt McCusker?

  Like we the best?

• 4:18Speaker 03

  No, I'm like, I'm Lupe Fieso, I got no hooks.

• 4:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you need a cool, you need a cool hook that everyone has to have.

• 4:22Speaker 03

  Oh, like a producer tag?

• 4:24Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  Wasn't Lupe's first and fifteenth, or was that just the album?

• 4:30Speaker 03

  First and fifteenth.

• 4:31Speaker 00

  First and fifteen, I think it was like the crew, just, you know, him.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  It's kind of a hook.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  Those are the days that the welfare checks would arrive in the neighborhood.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  Yes, that's true.

• 4:37Matt McCusker?

  But you need like, if young Metro don't, something like that.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, you need something like that.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  I mean, if young Metro.

• 4:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  Trust you, I'm gonna shoot you this much.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  One time we were in a car.

• 4:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna name the perpetrator.

• 4:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  Cause I ain't no snitch.

• 4:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  But it was me, Nate, and another white comedian in the car. And out of nowhere, he yelled, take heat, fuck these. And he did it.

• 5:03Matt McCusker?

  Whoa.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  I think he forgot Nate was in the backseat. And we all had to just be like. All right, we all agree that was a mistake, sorry. Everybody's sorry.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  You, I feel like you handled it well.

• 5:17Matt McCusker?

  No, it was, it was, it was unbeknownst.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  Classic mistake. And it was so loud, it was out of nowhere.

• 5:22Matt McCusker?

  I do feel like the rap, I feel like the rap excitement, N-word gets a.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Song wasn't even playing.

• 5:27Matt McCusker?

  Oh, okay. I thought, I think the song was playing.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  It was not, it was not. I vividly remember he.

• 5:33Matt McCusker?

  I think I tried to create that part in my mind.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  No, no, it was, we were in traffic.

• 5:39Matt McCusker?

  Traffic.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  Traffic, exactly. I think that's what jarred it loose for him.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  At that Childish Gambino gig, he did the Stay Woke song, which has a very prominent, uh, N in it. But the audience is mostly white.

• 5:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, oh, rap concerts are.

• 5:52Speaker 03

  And it was very strange, though, at the peak of the chorus, the energy comes right down for two seconds when everyone respectfully leaves the words out and goes back to singing the chorus.

• 6:01Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  Stay woke. Creepin', they leave it.

• 6:06Matt McCusker?

  That's, I've seen rap, I've seen white people at rap concerts fully get their money's worth, for sure.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  So was talk.

• 6:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  You saw Woodstock 99? You saw DMX Woodstock 99?

• 6:16Speaker 03

  I think I was at a Kanye concert where he led us.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  Ten million whites getting it in.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  I was given permission by Kanye from the stage to participate, I believe.

• 6:24Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 6:24Speaker 03

  When he was doing his tours, he would always, he would say, get into it, say the.

• 6:28Matt McCusker?

  Oh, he'd be like, don't hold back.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  I think Schoolboy Q had a thing as well.

• 6:31Matt McCusker?

  Kendrick tricked that poor honky woman?

• 6:33Speaker 03

  It's not right.

• 6:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  That evil bastard.

• 6:37Matt McCusker?

  Wait, so Nate, what was the, was it like, you just give the guy a yellow card, or like, what was the?

• 6:41Speaker 01

  He got yellow.

• 6:42Matt McCusker?

  He was yellow card?

• 6:43Speaker 01

  One more, it was red, but.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  It's like anything we've ever seen before.

• 6:50Speaker 01

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• 6:56Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

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• 7:17Matt McCusker?

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• 7:24Speaker 01

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• 7:28Matt McCusker?

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• 7:48Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was, uh, it was a tough one.

• 7:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Just so funny out of nowhere. Screamed it.

• 7:56Matt McCusker?

  Take it, fuck this.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  It woke me up. I was half asleep back there just coming to you.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  I think that was it. You were quiet for a while. I think you were sleepy in the car.

• 8:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, we had like a two hour drive or something.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:11Matt McCusker?

  I had a, I was talking to an Uber driver in Tulsa this weekend who said he picked up this like old black lady, like an old like church lady was driving her from the airport somewhere like kind of far away. And the ride was so long that he had forgotten he had an Uber passenger. And he's like, dude, so I'm like thinking I'm going home. I have a joint in my mouth. I'm fucking blasting tunes. She's fucking chilling. And he said someone cut him off. He didn't say what he said. He goes, bro, I let out every word in the book and just, just everything screaming. And I turn around to see this little old black lady just staring from the back. He went, oh, Jesus Christ. Ma'am, I forgot you were back there. I'm so sorry about that.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  Getting scared of a passenger?

• 8:53Matt McCusker?

  He got terrified. He was like, you should have seen the look on your face, ma'am. She was like, you should have seen the look on your face. And he goes, yeah, I was scared. And then he, uh, he dropped her off. She goes, I'll pray for you, young man. And just walked away. Thank you, ma'am.

• 9:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, forgetting you have a passenger on Uber is so funny. He goes, dude, I was like almost home. I almost brought this lady to my house.

• 9:16Matt McCusker?

  Tell me, happy to chat feature is where it's at. You get the good story.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  I literally can't, couldn't disagree more. I know you're getting good stories for the pod.

• 9:23Matt McCusker?

  I get great stories.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Good stories for the pod. But that sucks.

• 9:28Matt McCusker?

  You can set happy to chat on your Uber.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you're still selecting comfort to get happy to chat. You don't get that option at the lower down Uber.

• 9:36Matt McCusker?

  You don't get happy to chat on Uber X?

• 9:38Speaker 03

  No, Uber X, they're gonna be chatting.

• 9:41Matt McCusker?

  I think it's default.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  They're not getting paid as much. They want to, to make their time valuable. They'll be chatting.

• 9:46Matt McCusker?

  I've, I've chatted them up in some Uber X's.

• 9:48Speaker 03

  I've had some of the worst Uber X chats of my, uh, had a guy explain his movie ideas to me. And then I, I felt like, well, just get to the end of it. Don't interrupt. And then I noticed he had started going like 12 miles an hour. He slowed right down so that he could explain the full extent of the movie idea. It was, his idea was to get homeless people to work in a hotel and make a documentary about it and have the documentary.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  It was your driver, Matt? Fucking mad idea.

• 10:15Matt McCusker?

  The homeless hotel.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  Obviously.

• 10:18Matt McCusker?

  What a cruel, but they can't stay there.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  I don't, and yeah, they were making so much money from working on the hotel. But also, who's, who's choosing to stay at, when you're looking up all the Yelp reviews of the hotels or whatever, you're going, I think, I have this homeless hotel. That's a good.

• 10:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's a terrible idea.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  What else did he, did he elaborate? Anything?

• 10:38Speaker 03

  There was gonna be a sequel. He was gonna hire one as a manager. He was gonna open a chain and solve homelessness in America.

• 10:45Matt McCusker?

  To be fair, man, they're already equipped. They got the shopping carts. You could have them lined up like the Uber for your stuff. You just have like a line of like 20 of them. Come up, put them in, they watch them just walk away with all of your stuff.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  Just take it immediately.

• 10:58Matt McCusker?

  Homeless hotel would be nice.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  I think the answer is the military. The more I think about it.

• 11:02Matt McCusker?

  Military?

• 11:03Speaker 03

  Military wing for the homeless. They need jobs. This is how Mao Zedong fixed the opium crisis in China. He just took everyone who was an opium addict and he put them in the army and he said, you have purpose, you have a uniform. This is what you do now.

• 11:14Matt McCusker?

  I honestly don't think that's a.

• 11:15Speaker 03

  Don't send the National Guard in. Turn them into the National Guard. That would be a very scary brigade.

• 11:19Matt McCusker?

  They could just, there's a ton of work they could do in the military. That wouldn't be bad.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  Hitler did that.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  Many people have done this.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  He took like insane people and criminals and shit and was just like, just go kill as many people as you can, civilians on the eastern front. Yeah.

• 11:33Matt McCusker?

  I'm thinking more like having a.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  What was the name of that group?

• 11:36Speaker 03

  I don't know. This is the first I'm hearing about that.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Uh, yes. Look that up. There's like a.

• 11:40Speaker 03

  Like Berserkers?

• 11:42Speaker 01

  No, they were just the worst people and their job was to kill civilians.

• 11:47Matt McCusker?

  Well, the problem is too, once you put homeless people in the military, now they're, they have to answer to like military court. So I think you could like beat them up and stuff. If they try to run off, I think if they try to run away, I think you'd be able to like get in their face and be like, maggot, maggot, where are you going?

• 12:02Speaker 03

  That became wish fulfillment very quickly.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  Right back at the girl, so they go, I'm not a maggot. I have maggots in my skin. There's bugs everywhere.

• 12:12Matt McCusker?

  I might start a street military, like just like, um, like a cadre where I go out and I'm like, get up.

• 12:20Matt McCusker?

  Wake up, boys. Cause your mother, boys. Just get to wake them up. That'd be a good service.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Just to wake up homeless guys? You gotta play taps to put them to bed. You gotta put them to bed at night. You gotta hit taps at like noon when they're nodding out.

• 12:37Matt McCusker?

  Damn, that'd be so funny. Blast them with the bugle.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  Wake up, boys. Welcome to hell. That just reminds me of my time at the Point Man.

• 12:44Speaker 03

  My bad, my bad.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  No, it's all right. There was a time, they, they do play taps before you go to bed.

• 12:48Matt McCusker?

  Do they?

• 12:49Speaker 01

  And I was laying there like, I could do this.

• 12:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 12:52Speaker 01

  It's fucking nice, dude. Go to bed here in taps. You're like.

• 12:55Speaker 03

  What is tabs? Playing tabs?

• 12:59Speaker 03

  They play you into bed?

• 13:00Matt McCusker?

  The sad one, yeah.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  I didn't know that they.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  They tuck you in at night. What was that, uh, what was that Hitler Brigade? Get in there.

• 13:12Speaker 04

  It's hard to pronounce, but I think it's the Daryl Wanger Brigade.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  The Daryl Wangers?

• 13:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. They were led by a child, a child sex criminal and sociopath named Oscar Daryl Wanger.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 13:27Speaker 04

  So that was his, his group of merry men.

• 13:29Matt McCusker?

  And what did he lead? He led just like, just beat and beat.

• 13:31Speaker 01

  Another group of.

• 13:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, they would do like.

• 13:33Speaker 01

  Rabists and drunks and.

• 13:34Speaker 04

  War crimes.

• 13:35Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  And they just went around and committed war crimes in Belarus.

• 13:39Matt McCusker?

  He's, he had the pedophile.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  I think that's what it is at least. There's, there's a few.

• 13:43Matt McCusker?

  And what was the deal afterwards? If he survived it, was it like clean slate?

• 13:48Speaker 04

  I'm not sure.

• 13:51Speaker 04

  I'll check it out.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't think they were, I don't think they were looking to the future at that point with that squad.

• 13:56Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Well, anyway, that's a fun topic.

• 14:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it always stinks when you think something's a good idea and it turns out Hitler did it and you go, you're at a crossroad. You have to either be like, I take it back, or you go, well.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  I like the autobahn. I think the autobahn is cool.

• 14:12Matt McCusker?

  Fast highway.

• 14:13Speaker 03

  We'll give them that. Big stadiums. That's great. We like big stadiums.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  What?

• 14:19Matt McCusker?

  What we also got?

• 14:20Speaker 04

  Says after the war, they were just sent back to jail. They're all just re-convicted.

• 14:24Matt McCusker?

  That guy Hitler really was a bastard, huh? Don't trust a word he says.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  Back to the clink, fellas. Good luck sleeping.

• 14:35Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'm sure the Soviets did that too. Everybody was scraping the barrel.

• 14:42Matt McCusker?

  True, and America was nothing but like those YouTube pedophile hunter guys being like, hey, what the hell are you doing? Hey, he's running past the tomatoes. This episode is brought to you by Battlefield RedSec.

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• 15:35Matt McCusker?

  I think, I haven't seen any pedophile. That was like in my algorithm for a while. It's kind of like falling out.

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  Battle Hunters?

• 15:42Matt McCusker?

  The belly punch. Yeah, the belly punch.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  Belly punch guys. Body check into the deodorant guys.

• 15:48Matt McCusker?

  Because now we need a new task force to police those guys specifically. Hey, stop punching the people.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, once you get the taste of body checking somebody in a CVS, that's tough to get out. Checking someone into the fucking aisle is so funny.

• 16:01Matt McCusker?

  Especially when you're like, because they're watching videos of their work. So you're like studying technique. You're like, I could have laid into that guy.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  Could fuck.

• 16:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, little Mexican autistic guy. I could have fucking really hit him harder.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  I'm glad you guys are here. You guys, I'm doing the same thing. I was trying to get the kid. So nice. They're like, yeah, you sure?

• 16:20Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 16:21Matt McCusker?

  That would be nice to, you know, be good. And this would be, this would be a very delicate, uh, kind of line to walk where you go online as a joke and you try to find or entice these guys. You can tell our operatives. So it'd be risky because you would have to do like lewd talk with who could be a teenager, but then like you, you get trapped on purpose by one of these guys and you meet them in the Walmart and then you have a bigger guy than him there to be like, fuck you. I heard you're a fucking pedophile. And like, no, I'm not. I'm here to get the pedophile.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  You're talking about entrapping these guys with a squad to beat the fuck out of the pedo hunters?

• 16:58Matt McCusker?

  For no good reason.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  Just pedophiles.

• 17:00Matt McCusker?

  Just for YouTube views. Just so that's where my heart.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  You want the pedophiles to get a win on one of these videos?

• 17:04Matt McCusker?

  No, no, no. I don't want the pedophiles to get a win.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  They are the fucking Washington Generals.

• 17:07Matt McCusker?

  I want, I want to trick them. I would hire a pedophile. I'd be like, yo, if you got any meetups, let me go. And I'd be like, I wouldn't, I want to talk to kids like that.

• 17:14Speaker 03

  You want to be the guardian angels for pedophiles?

• 17:16Matt McCusker?

  No, I just want to get big YouTube views for pedophile hunter, hunter, where I hunt out pedophile hunters.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 17:23Matt McCusker?

  And then accuse them of pedophilia as a prank. Jessica, it's just, dude, relax. It's a prank.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  It's a good prank.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  You want to rumble in the Walgreens?

• 17:32Matt McCusker?

  I don't want to do it. I'm going to hire a giant man.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  Hire like five dudes.

• 17:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  Whale on these.

• 17:37Matt McCusker?

  And then it'd be like, we got to fuck. And he'd be like, yo, brothers, I'm not a fucking pedophile. What the fuck?

• 17:42Speaker 01

  Should honestly just start doing that to random dudes at the shopping center. Be like, you're here to meet a 15 year old. Be like, what? This guy's here to meet a 15 year old.

• 17:52Matt McCusker?

  You know, now you say it, that's a way better way to do it rather than, you know, rather than having to risk it all. Cause you'd have to like talk to local law enforcement, like, hey, I'm going to prank. We're going to be, you know, pretending to talk to kids online, but I'm going to hire like AI bots to do that for me. I'm not going to do it myself.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  It's not a bad, well, it's a terrible plan, but.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  It's a funny joke. Yeah. James, what do you have?

• 18:16Speaker 03

  I think, I think the market is, because that was To Catch a Predator and people just took that and made that a YouTube show.

• 18:21Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  But none of the other great weird early 2000s TV shows that you couldn't make today have made the jump to, like someone could make a The Biggest Loser now. Just get a fat house and.

• 18:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  You're talking about a blob farm.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  Yes. But there were like heaps of those shows that you go, you can't do that.

• 18:42Matt McCusker?

  We were addicted to getting the fats to shrink for a while.

• 18:45Speaker 03

  Oh, I would watch it. They would release it just after dinnertime. You're eating your dessert and you'd watch the workouts. My wife went in a deep dive on Biggest Loser and found there was someone who died on the show briefly. They were resuscitated.

• 18:55Matt McCusker?

  The biggest loser.

• 18:56Speaker 03

  On the Biggest Loser.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  The ultimate loser.

• 18:59Speaker 03

  But then they were brought back to life and the doctor said, I'll train you. You don't do any work with these trainers now. They're trying to kill you. And then they lost more weight than anybody on the show, but everyone hated them.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  Maybe it was, was she watching Netflix?

• 19:10Speaker 03

  She was watching the Netflix Fat People documentary. I loved that show.

• 19:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's awesome. But yes, you're saying they haven't remade enough of these shows.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  I think they're bringing back Fear Factor right now.

• 19:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I heard.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  No.

• 19:24Matt McCusker?

  Who's gonna be the host?

• 19:25Speaker 01

  I don't know. Tony.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  Eat that ox penis.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, you like that?

• 19:35Matt McCusker?

  That'd be sick if he hosted the new Fear Factor.

• 19:37Speaker 01

  That'd be awesome.

• 19:38Matt McCusker?

  He's gotta get swole though, bro. That's the, that's the only thing.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Tony can get swole, dude. The first time I came to Austin, he was swole as fuck.

• 19:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he's ripped for sure. I do want to see him bulk.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, he could bulk up.

• 19:49Matt McCusker?

  I want to see him bulk and then do Fear Factor.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  That'd be sick.

• 19:53Matt McCusker?

  It'd be tight.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  What else was there back then? What shows?

• 19:57Matt McCusker?

  Oh, in terms of like those.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  What other shows couldn't we do?

• 20:00Speaker 03

  There were.

• 20:02Speaker 03

  I mean, there were little ones on odd channels. There was like, uh, like Wife Swap.

• 20:07Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:07Speaker 03

  Where you'd have a different woman come and live with you for the week.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  I'm still watching that.

• 20:11Speaker 03

  There was the season of Survivor where they, I mean.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  I watched that last night, honestly.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  There's a season of Survivor where they divided the tribes by race.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  Really?

• 20:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was poverty's first season. There was a black tribe, a white tribe, an Asian tribe and a Hispanic tribe. It was like the 15th season.

• 20:27Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 20:28Speaker 03

  And they divide them all up by race.

• 20:30Matt McCusker?

  Did you catch the whole thing?

• 20:31Speaker 03

  I'm about halfway through it. The Asians all hate the Vietnamese guy because Asians don't get along. The black people are not, also none of them know before the season starts that this is what's going to be happening. So they get there and they go, all right, you're all over there. And then you see people looking around going, oh, fuck. No. Uh, Hispanics are very happy about it.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  I think I remember that season.

• 20:50Speaker 03

  It's a great.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  On the island, there was a white guy, a black guy and an Asian guy at first. And the white guy was like, alright, I'm gonna start building the shelter. The black dude, he was like, alright, you go, like, uh, start hunting, try to gather some food. And he was like, Asian dude, go search for supplies. And after like, three hours, they couldn't, they couldn't find the Asian guy and they went out. And he jumped out from behind a tree and went, "Surprise!"

• 21:14Speaker 03

  I think his name is Cowboy.

• 21:16Matt McCusker?

  He was playing tricks?

• 21:17Speaker 01

  Nah, it's just a classic joke.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  An Asian guy taking supplies with surprise.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Just an old, that's a throwback joke.

• 21:27Matt McCusker?

  I was like, wait, what?

• 21:28Speaker 03

  You said it with such confidence.

• 21:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, that's part of the joke.

• 21:31Matt McCusker?

  I was fully dialed in, I was like, that's a great joke.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  Supplies!

• 21:35Matt McCusker?

  Where the hell, where did you hear that from?

• 21:37Speaker 01

  Probably Phil.

• 21:38Matt McCusker?

  I was about to say, that sounds like the Elks Lodge.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was an Elks Lodge killer, dude. That was 10 minutes of laughing. Order another round, let's go, boys, we got a good racist joke out.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll get the Elks going.

• 21:51Matt McCusker?

  That was, uh, that Vietnam book I was reading, they were saying how much of an effect that just that stuff had on the war itself. Where like, cause apparently men in Vietnam would hold hands, it was very customary and like, very chill for two men to hold hands in public and walk up. You're friends, you hold your boy's hand, you walk down the street. But if you held like, your wife's hand, it was considered like, crazy. So like, they, uh, the American soldiers would just pester those guys all the time. They used to call them homos. Like, that's in the book, they were just like, the guy-

• 22:20Speaker 01

  They weren't that creative.

• 22:22Matt McCusker?

  Well, they had a guy, uh, one of, one of the sergeants was Vietnamese and his like, family had been just decimated. And he'd been fighting since he was like, a 10-year-old boy. So that by the time he was like, 20-something, he was like, dude, I'm, I'm done. He like, just resigned. He's like, I'm not fighting with the other, we're in a court martial, and he's like, I don't care. And he was complaining to the guys, like, "You guys all call us fucking homos. You know why we hold hands? It's actually really cool."

• 22:47Matt McCusker?

  And I'm curious now, do Vietnamese people still hold hands? Can you look up if Vietnamese men still hold hands? Cause that'd be a devastating effect of the war. If Vietnamese-

• 22:54Speaker 03

  Sure, in the north, they're still holding hands.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  That's how you know we lost.

• 22:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  If they're still holding hands, we definitely lost.

• 22:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, if, if we, I mean, if-

• 23:01Speaker 01

  That was kinda the whole point of the fight.

• 23:03Matt McCusker?

  Stop holding hands.

• 23:04Speaker 01

  We're holding hands, napalm.

• 23:06Matt McCusker?

  They still hold hands. They, they won, bro. We did our best. We get in there like, knock it off!

• 23:14Matt McCusker?

  Link arms.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Link arms.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Skipping down the streets of Ho Chi Minh City.

• 23:18Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know that. Yeah, it's completely.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  I really despise holding hands while walking.

• 23:22Matt McCusker?

  I don't like it either.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  I fucking hate it.

• 23:24Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I don't like it, man.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  You gotta sync your pace up.

• 23:27Matt McCusker?

  Aight, dude.

• 23:28Speaker 01

  Sync your pace up.

• 23:32Matt McCusker?

  I get, I get flack about holding hands all the time. I just.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  I can't stand it.

• 23:36Matt McCusker?

  Especially when like, if you're gonna do it.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  They dead fish. Women don't fucking dead fish during the hold hands. I'm doing all the work here. And then somebody else is walking down the sidewalk and we gotta.

• 23:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  I'm like, fucking get out of the way.

• 23:48Matt McCusker?

  Get in front of me.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  Sing a file.

• 23:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, get in front. Hey dude, you're preaching to the choir, right?

• 23:51Speaker 03

  I haven't gotten to do it in a long time because I'm always holding a child's hand.

• 23:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  And now that my daughter is almost seven and she'll do weird, she'll be like stepping on the cracks while holding the hand, or trying not to step on the cracks. And it feels like my arm is gonna get yanked out of

• 24:04Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  socket, or she wants to be lifted in the air and do a swing with the.

• 24:08Matt McCusker?

  The, the, the no warning, like I'm gonna swing from your arm shit.

• 24:12Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:12Matt McCusker?

  Makes me so angry.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  It's like walking a dog. It's like walking a dog when they run.

• 24:16Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 24:17Speaker 01

  Fucking kills.

• 24:18Matt McCusker?

  It hurts. It's the exact same thing. You just feel a complete dead weight. And then I'm like, you can't do that. I get so mad. And they're like, just having fun. I don't know why you're being such a dick about this. It's like, dude, that fuck, that sucks when you do that.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  It hurt your father's shoulder.

• 24:32Matt McCusker?

  You do feel like a bitch where you're like.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  What are you, Vietnamese?

• 24:34Matt McCusker?

  Click on my hand.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  What are you, VC?

• 24:36Speaker 03

  I do feel like a bitch because she's having a nice time. She's having an expression, you know, she's expressing love to me and I go, just be normal. Walk like a normal person.

• 24:46Matt McCusker?

  Get off me, alright?

• 24:48Speaker 01

  You're ready for Australia with that fucking do.

• 24:50Matt McCusker?

  It's true.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  That crow boy. The real crow boy.

• 24:55Speaker 03

  It'll grow back. It'll grow back. It'll be, I just wanted a normal mullet. I didn't know, I froze up because I think there was a very muscular woman cutting the hair. It could have been a trans person. I don't, no judgment, no.

• 25:06Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  I don't know. I don't know what happened.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  God, if you shaved that beard.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, better or worse.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  No, I'm just saying. I wouldn't be throwing around that could be trans.

• 25:14Speaker 03

  Oh, you think I'll be, I will be trans if I give it my beard?

• 25:17Speaker 01

  You got the fucking Starbucks do right now.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  You got the fucking barista.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  We've got outreach to the progressives. We've got to expand the audience.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  You got the complete barista.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  They gave me a neck massage afterwards. I didn't ask for it.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  It's kinda nice though.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  They put a warm towel on me and got a machine out and stuff, but it was.

• 25:33Matt McCusker?

  That's nice.

• 25:34Speaker 03

  As I felt sad about my hair and I was, I was appalled. I was very upset, but then I realized my mouth could be seen through the towel. She wrapped the towel around my face and I thought my expression was hidden, but then I realized my mouth was twisted into a disgusted.

• 25:46Matt McCusker?

  She's a grimace.

• 25:49Speaker 03

  And I closed it up.

• 25:50Matt McCusker?

  Did they ask you to go down that far? Did you go like, cause that's like a two.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  This was the first thing they did.

• 25:55Matt McCusker?

  They just want. Damn.

• 25:58Speaker 03

  And then there was, I couldn't say stop now.

• 25:59Matt McCusker?

  Welcome to the resistance, brother.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like it. I do like it. It looks good.

• 26:04Speaker 03

  I am waiting for it to grow.

• 26:06Matt McCusker?

  I think it's sick. I think it's fucking tight.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  I get the wings at the back. The worst is that they took photos of me. I said, yes. I think I'm on their Instagram page somewhere.

• 26:16Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  She goes, and lovely, lovely lady, lovely lady. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it, but they go, I don't know if they posted it, but they go, do you want it before and after? I couldn't, I don't, I looked up open now on a Sunday. I tried to hide how upset I was.

• 26:32Matt McCusker?

  Was it in this town or another?

• 26:33Speaker 03

  It was in this town. I tried to get, I tried to go and get one when I was in, I don't know, Tacoma. And then I sat for an hour and I had to go to the airport and I just sat.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  Tacoma dude too.

• 26:42Speaker 03

  I'd listened in Tacoma, waiting for a haircut and then I just had to leave because the car was there. But this man was complaining about his girlfriend and how she was recovering from a C-section.

• 26:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 26:52Speaker 03

  Men open up in a barber shop and they tell you how they really feel. He was the least sympathetic man I've ever overheard. He was literally complaining, my wife's recovering from a C-section. She can't walk and she's getting angry at me for going skiing too much. I need to go skiing so I can be there for our family.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  Is he getting his haircut?

• 27:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's nothing bothers me more because I'm dead silent during a haircut, which I guess is psychotic. I look at myself in the eyes the entire time. It's kind of fucking crazy.

• 27:18Speaker 03

  I think it was a bodybuilding woman. I don't know what the difference was.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  There's always a loud fucking douche.

• 27:22Matt McCusker?

  That'd be a compliment.

• 27:23Speaker 03

  A very loud man. And the barber, the barber can't go, shut up.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:27Speaker 03

  The barber has to go, oh, it's hard about not being able to ski while your wife recovers from.

• 27:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't tell them shit, man.

• 27:34Speaker 03

  I'm a vault.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  I'll tell you, I had a bit of a bad haircut myself. I shaved my mustache and I forgot how small my mouth was. I don't have an upper lip.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, they can fix that.

• 27:45Speaker 01

  Soon as I, yeah, I should get lip injections. It's almost time. Shaved my mouth and I was like, oh, fuck. Fuck, I forgot I looked like this. I just wanted my face to look, you know, I wanted less features.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  Why?

• 27:58Speaker 01

  Cause I have a completely featureless face.

• 28:00Speaker 03

  I feel this is, I feel, my beard and my glasses are doing a lot to hold me in heaven's face. But as, yeah, you've got the Irish, small nose, big head, small features.

• 28:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's tough.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  Tall face.

• 28:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I need my goat now.

• 28:13Speaker 01

  Fuck you laughing at Nate? Ugly fuck.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  We don't know what Nate really looks like. I've never seen Nate's chin.

• 28:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't even know what it looks like anymore. Do we have pics with you with a butt face?

• 28:26Speaker 01

  With me and my butt face?

• 28:27Matt McCusker?

  No, I'm saying like when you shave, it's called a butt face.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  No, he was, he was skinny before the beard.

• 28:32Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I didn't, I didn't grow this out of fat.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  I'd love to see, I'd like to see that chin under there. I want to see what's going on.

• 28:39Matt McCusker?

  Clean, clean shaving, by the way.

• 28:40Speaker 01

  You're not ugly, by the way, you're a handsome fellow.

• 28:42Matt McCusker?

  Clean shaving is called a butt face. That's a universal. I wasn't calling your face a butt face.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  Uh, I thought you thought.

• 28:46Matt McCusker?

  Clean shape, no, no, clean shaving face is called a butt face.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  I think I would look good.

• 28:51Matt McCusker?

  It's universal.

• 28:52Speaker 01

  I have to, I have to admit, while I was shaving, I did. Hit it?

• 28:57Speaker 03

  Wait, you did the Alex Jones?

• 28:59Speaker 01

  You just got hit it for one second. I go, oh, it's too powerful. It was actually an accident. I was, yeah.

• 29:06Matt McCusker?

  You just.

• 29:07Speaker 01

  I just accidentally did it and I was like, oh, shit.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  Not every time.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:10Speaker 03

  I've given it to myself many, many times.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  You do have, you.

• 29:13Matt McCusker?

  You're a dachshund, I'm talking about.

• 29:14Speaker 03

  It's one of my better moustaches.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  Mullet with a Hitler stash would be fucking crazy.

• 29:18Matt McCusker?

  Hitler stash beard combo would be nice too, cause you're like, man, I have a beard, I'm not fucking.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Just, I'm taking away its power.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:26Speaker 03

  Hmm, I'm an ally.

• 29:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true, that's a good point.

• 29:29Speaker 03

  The wife wouldn't allow it, I don't think. But I do like to come out and show her.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  Show her?

• 29:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:35Speaker 03

  Always.

• 29:36Matt McCusker?

  I've been cursed, man. I have a scar right here, so my mustache doesn't connect, so I can never, can't get it.

• 29:41Speaker 01

  Never feel the true power.

• 29:42Matt McCusker?

  Never felt the power.

• 29:44Speaker 03

  Well, you start doing the speeches in the.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  No, no, no, it was quick. It was very quick. I looked at it, I went, whoa. Cause it was accidental. I got the accidental stash.

• 29:55Matt McCusker?

  You started on the end, started shaving down the ends, you went, wait a second.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  Whoopsie.

• 30:00Matt McCusker?

  Wait a goddamn second here. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  I like this.

• 30:08Matt McCusker?

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• 30:53Matt McCusker?

  including omega-3 fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/secretpod.

• 31:04Speaker 05

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• 31:33Matt McCusker?

  Uh, yeah. Can't believe you negged my dream the other day.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 31:37Matt McCusker?

  I opened up a chain, told them I had a nice dream, dude. I had a dream. It was, usually my dreams are all like, you know, I'm in like a scary house. It's all fucked up. This was me just chilling in a nice shop, eating an ice cream cone. I had a dream.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  I wonder what that means.

• 31:50Matt McCusker?

  The scary house? I don't know, dude, I'm in, I'm in the same house. It's a worn down, fucked up house in a bad neighborhood.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  You've never been in this house before?

• 31:57Matt McCusker?

  I mean, I mean, uh, it reminds me of Mellon Street, where I, I used to live in this house in West Philly. It reminds me of it, but it's not that, you know, it's like a slight, like, you know, whatever, but I, it's, that's my recurring dream, but then I finally got a break and I was just eating an ice cream cone. And there's the lady who made me the ice cream cone was like describing when I was about to find it was a chocolate ice cream cone. She goes, oh, there's peanut butter in there. And I'd bite it and go, ooh, there is peanut butter. And I just ate the ice cream cone. It was a pleasant dream. Shane's like, dude, you're a fucking pervert. It's a sex dream. I was like, no, it wasn't.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  It was a sexual dream, clearly.

• 32:27Matt McCusker?

  That's my only pleasant dream I've ever had. That wasn't all.

• 32:30Speaker 03

  Wait, did Shane appear to you in the dream to say this?

• 32:32Speaker 01

  No, no, he called, he called me to let me know about it.

• 32:35Matt McCusker?

  I was just telling him about my peanut butter ice cream dream. I was like.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  You're being down about men holding hands, but you're calling people with your ice cream dream? I could never.

• 32:43Matt McCusker?

  We were talking about other stuff.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  We were talking for a while. He called me during my constitutional.

• 32:48Matt McCusker?

  He was taking a constitutional. I'd just gotten done mine and, uh, yeah, I was just like, I was like, dude, you'll never believe it. I had like an actual plain like dog dream of just eating a cone. Pause. But it was just eating an ice cream cone and it was just so enjoyable. It was like, that's sexual. I was like, it was not sexual at all.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  It was sexual.

• 33:03Matt McCusker?

  It was purely.

• 33:04Speaker 01

  What did the woman look like?

• 33:06Matt McCusker?

  I don't even remember. It was like a shadow. I swear to God, it was like a shadowy figure. Just being like, you know, there's peanut butter in there. As soon as she would say it, I'd bite the cone and go, oh, there is peanut butter. And she kept just giving me anything she would, any treat she would mention would just pop up. She was completely non-sexual.

• 33:20Speaker 01

  Satiating, yeah.

• 33:21Matt McCusker?

  It was completely non-sexual, dude.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  Sweet treats. Clearly.

• 33:26Matt McCusker?

  I was focused on the ice cream cone more than anything. So it was nice.

• 33:31Speaker 01

  I, uh, I had a good one for you. This was making me laugh.

• 33:34Matt McCusker?

  Whoa.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  And I don't think it's gonna be that funny. I just wrote it down in my notes, uh, pretty late one night this week. Uh, I thought it was very funny, but I don't think it'll translate to sobriety, but I was, I was laughing at, uh, me going to a Halloween party in a Braveheart outfit.

• 33:51Matt McCusker?

  Sure.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  And paparazzi getting a upskirt from the kilt, getting, stepping out and just having the sitting upright penis in a kilt. The sitting upright penis.

• 34:06Matt McCusker?

  Getting the Lindsay Lohan.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  And then trying to defend myself. Skirt keeps blowing up. There's just pictures. The skirt up with the Braveheart face.

• 34:16Matt McCusker?

  The classic Marilyn Monroe would be so nice. If you're over the great.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Marilyn Monroe penis.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  Like, it would be the most devastating. Us getting out of a car, sitting upright, picture of my penis would be.

• 34:29Matt McCusker?

  It's also so funny, just to free ball under the kilt for no reason.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, free ball, dude.

• 34:34Speaker 03

  There's a musician in Australia called Kieran J. Callanan, who went to an award show and wore a kilt. And, you know, you go press the press photography and they're all taking pictures. And then someone goes, lift the kilt. And he does it and he showed his penis. Beautiful penis. But, uh, but the fury on the left was huge.

• 34:49Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 34:50Speaker 01

  The left was mad?

• 34:51Speaker 03

  The left was really mad that he flashed his penis.

• 34:54Matt McCusker?

  It was the left who asked him to flash it, obviously.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  Well, it's the photographers, but people started lying. People started saying, kids were there. Kids could have seen that penis. It was the first time I realized that many progressives are afraid of the penis. There is a fear, you know, it's always get the nipples out. Yeah. Show the woman body, but a penis is somehow threatening. People are afraid of our bodies.

• 35:14Matt McCusker?

  Also, why would there be kids at an award?

• 35:16Speaker 03

  No, there definitely weren't. This is, this is an insane.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Nick loves you.

• 35:20Speaker 03

  It was the Nick Joyce Awards. People were getting slimed in a different way.

• 35:23Speaker 01

  The Nick Joyce Awards. Show us your dick.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  You want to see your dick, take your dick out.

• 35:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's on the person who asked. Somebody asked to see it and he showed them.

• 35:34Speaker 03

  The photos came out and it's, all of them were censored. No one other than that saw the real penis.

• 35:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 35:40Speaker 03

  And, but I remember he had to apologize for having his penis out at an award show. There should be more penises at award shows, I think.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  Decent apology, though.

• 35:47Speaker 03

  To say sorry, forget my dick.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  Sorry my dick was out at the award show.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  We had a long history.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  I say, sorry, my dick was out anytime it's out.

• 35:54Speaker 03

  We had a long history of people getting their dicks out at that award show.

• 35:57Speaker 01

  I go, I'm really sorry, my penis is out.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  I think we should normalize.

• 36:02Speaker 01

  That's gay, too.

• 36:03Matt McCusker?

  Full frontal malnourished?

• 36:05Speaker 03

  I'm from a, I did a lot of comedy festivals. Fringe festivals. It was a very important part of the show to get the penis out at some point in the show. That's how people knew that you were taking risks and doing exciting things.

• 36:16Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 36:17Speaker 03

  Dan Rathbone would get his penis out, Dr. Brown, Goliath trained clown. He would get his penis out a lot. It was huge and I, in America, no one ever gets the, no, I've never seen anyone.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Bobby Lee's still holding it down sometimes.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  He gets his dick out on stage?

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:30Speaker 03

  It's a less threatening.

• 36:32Speaker 01

  No, yeah.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  It's not very threatening, but it's a, he's taking chances.

• 36:37Speaker 03

  That is a big chance.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  That's a good move. Material's not working, you go, I got this all day, so I sleep. I was ready to see a wild looking dick.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  I thought it'd be funny to record a comedy special shot from the waist, that you come out, you do the whole hour. And it's all shot from the waist up. And the dick is out the whole show. And then in the final show, the good night, everybody, you reveal, you pull back. And you reveal the penis has been out the whole time. And that maybe explains how the audience is reacting for the rest of the, wouldn't that be fun? I'll never do it. I'll never have the courage to do it.

• 37:06Matt McCusker?

  It is funny, yeah.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  People screaming mad the entire show.

• 37:08Speaker 03

  But you'd never address it. You just do the act.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:12Matt McCusker?

  The cuts to the audience would be hilarious if the audience was going.

• 37:18Speaker 03

  Well, I did. I started, I'd never had an erection on stage before. I don't, I don't think.

• 37:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, nobody has.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  No, but I, I did a gig in Omaha and um, a woman stood up, a very drunk woman. And she uh, she got her boobs out for no real reason. And then later she did it again. I was questioning why she wasn't removed. After the first time, but people left her there. And there was a slight.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  You must have been killing, dude.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  Slight stirring.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  People were taking their tits out?

• 37:47Speaker 03

  It's the sort of thing you always hope is gonna happen and then it does and you go, now's not the time.

• 37:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 37:52Speaker 03

  I'm trying to, you've actually ruined the anecdote.

• 37:54Matt McCusker?

  Who, who was she with?

• 37:55Speaker 03

  A very embarrassed man.

• 37:57Matt McCusker?

  Oh no. I had to kick a lady out this weekend. I had to kick an elderly lady out.

• 38:03Speaker 03

  What was she doing?

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Well, hold on, did you get hard?

• 38:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  I, it was a very faintest.

• 38:10Matt McCusker?

  You pulsed.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  I had a, there was, it moved.

• 38:12Speaker 01

  There was a pulse.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  There were, of, of cour-, the body cannot help, but a woman is standing and doing and showing.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  She attracted her.

• 38:21Speaker 03

  She was a long way away.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  I would imagine, no.

• 38:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I feel like I get adrenaline for stand up. I just saw tits while I was doing stand up.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  I did that. I tried not to, I said, madam.

• 38:29Matt McCusker?

  Put your tits away.

• 38:30Speaker 03

  But it was a.

• 38:32Matt McCusker?

  They're, her.

• 38:32Speaker 03

  I can't believe they left.

• 38:33Matt McCusker?

  The gentleman should have jumped in front of her tits.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:35Matt McCusker?

  Should have blocked and said, come on.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  They should have body go.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Taking the bullet for the president. You, yeah, I don't, usually a lady flashing her tits in public is not great.

• 38:47Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 38:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 38:49Speaker 03

  But I think if it had only happened one time, I would have been fine. I could have moved on. But then when it repeated, she just kept.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  It happened to me in, uh, it happened to me in Westchester.

• 38:58Matt McCusker?

  Tits flash.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  I was walking past a bar and I was with O'Connor and we were walking by and I guess people in there saw me and they're like, come in, come in. So we were like, all right, we'll come in for one. And a lady just ran outside and showed her tits.

• 39:10Matt McCusker?

  Whoa.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  And she wasn't, it wasn't great.

• 39:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  It was terrible.

• 39:15Matt McCusker?

  That stinks.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  It was actually like scary.

• 39:17Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 39:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  But you think that would be very nice, you know?

• 39:22Speaker 01

  I mean, how are you supposed to even respond? Like, somebody on the street showing you their tits, you go, all right.

• 39:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 39:28Matt McCusker?

  Good job.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 39:29Matt McCusker?

  Appreciate that. Yeah, really, there's no way to be like, oh, cool.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  Great tits.

• 39:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, nice job.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 39:36Matt McCusker?

  You gotta like, and then like, you, well, you're supposed to chat that person up or does it be like?

• 39:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just literally just walked as fast as I could past her.

• 39:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 39:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:44Matt McCusker?

  Damn, that's devastating. If you showed your tits and the person was like, anyway.

• 39:50Speaker 03

  I wish I had another set of hands.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  So I give those titties. Four thumbs down.

• 39:54Speaker 03

  The milk's gone bad.

• 39:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 39:57Speaker 03

  Charlie, my man.

• 39:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. It's like, I'm sorry, man. What do you want me to do with that?

• 40:02Speaker 01

  Oh, I'll titty fuck you. Right here. Thank you. On the street.

• 40:07Matt McCusker?

  Should have for real called the cops. Like, sir, I've just been flashed. It's against the law.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:13Matt McCusker?

  Sir, I'd like to report a sexual crime.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  My girlfriend was with me and she was mad.

• 40:17Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 40:18Speaker 01

  And I was like, there's nothing to be mad at. She was a.

• 40:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  She was nasty.

• 40:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  Although I'd be furious if a dude showed his dick to my girlfriend. I'd be like, what the fuck?

• 40:29Matt McCusker?

  I guess the equivalent for a dude would just be butt cheeks. Yeah, if he just showed his butt cheeks.

• 40:33Speaker 01

  Butt cheeks.

• 40:34Matt McCusker?

  I'd be fucking pretty peeved.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, but if it was a hideous butt, you'd go, fuck it. Kick him on the ass. Kick his ass.

• 40:42Matt McCusker?

  Dude, if someone presented their hideous ass to my wife, yeah, that'd be really mixed feelings about that.

• 40:48Speaker 01

  You'd laugh. That'd be a good time.

• 40:50Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. I might be upset. If I was walking and there was just a big hairy butt presented to my wife, I'd be like, sir. I might get a little resentful and be like, sir.

• 41:00Speaker 01

  We're talking an Arab butt.

• 41:01Matt McCusker?

  An Arab butt, yeah.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  Full beard.

• 41:03Matt McCusker?

  A little scarab beetle.

• 41:07Matt McCusker?

  A scuttlebutt.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  Talk about a guard dog butt.

• 41:11Speaker 01

  Talk about red, long hair.

• 41:14Speaker 03

  There's nothing wrong with that.

• 41:14Speaker 01

  James's beard sticking out of his cheeks.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  There's nothing wrong with having a big, red, hairy butt.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  You got a Clifford?

• 41:22Matt McCusker?

  There's nothing wrong with.

• 41:25Matt McCusker?

  Nothing wrong with having it, but if I did, if it just got presented.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  You can't show it, dude.

• 41:29Speaker 03

  No, I keep it discreet.

• 41:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can't keep it tucked.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  You got a hairy butt?

• 41:33Speaker 03

  You know, I suppose not globally, but I, it more hairy than it used to be.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, kids are hairier as you get older. It's because we've talked about that. You don't touch those hairs ever. They've been growing since fucking 2002.

• 41:46Speaker 03

  I'm not getting it waxed.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  No.

• 41:48Speaker 03

  I'm not having any maintenance on that area.

• 41:50Matt McCusker?

  What was it at first? Just like ball hair that moved up and now you're getting an ass cheek hair?

• 41:53Speaker 03

  A little ball hair.

• 41:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 41:56Matt McCusker?

  You get the ball hair, you get the tuft. I get the tuft up here.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  It's the shaft hair that I want to know what to do with.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  The top of the crack?

• 42:01Matt McCusker?

  Like a butt, yeah, like a rabbit tail.

• 42:04Speaker 03

  A little tuft, yeah.

• 42:05Matt McCusker?

  My dad always called it an ass hair extension.

• 42:11Matt McCusker?

  My, I have a pretty hairless butt, though. My, my like.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  We've been blessed with Irish DNA.

• 42:15Matt McCusker?

  True. We do have a hairless Irish butts. We're like those cats with no hair.

• 42:21Matt McCusker?

  We're like those cats with no hair.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:24Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, no, I had a lady, I didn't kick a lady out. I felt terrible. It was like an older lady. She just wouldn't stop talking and I had to be like, all right, dude, like for real, you have to go. And I always give a lot of chances. And I eventually was like, dude, you're pissing everyone off. You gotta go. And she was like, acting like I don't give a fuck. I'm like, all right, we'll just beat it then. And she was like, I'm a pillar in my community. Started tearing up and I was like, instantly I fold, I go, oh, never mind, ma'am, you can stay. And then they're like, the bouncer's like, no, fuck it, we're getting her out of here. And her husband tried to stay. And I kicked him out. I said, get out of here, you fucking piece of shit. Get out of here.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  No way. I always encourage, I always encourage the male, the male to stay.

• 43:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but that lady couldn't be out there by herself. She was going to cause problems. I'm like, get out there, bro. That's your problem. Go deal with it.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Let her cause problems.

• 43:06Speaker 03

  Shaun was on stage this week and I removed the man from the room.

• 43:10Matt McCusker?

  Did you?

• 43:11Speaker 03

  It was a very drunk child. He seemed very young. He might have been of age, but he and he was drunk before he got there. But it was at the Velveeta room and Sean, he had been very chatty during my set and then he was saying bizarre things to you. He didn't like you at all. So I took him out and he

• 43:26Speaker 01

  You have that effect on people.

• 43:28Matt McCusker?

  Front it up.

• 43:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm not very likable.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  He was getting ready to fight.

• 43:32Matt McCusker?

  He puffed his butt hairs at you.

• 43:33Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, he gave me a little, he didn't do like a fake, I'm gonna hit you, but he did, he made himself large. He was, is it squabbling up?

• 43:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  He started to bristle.

• 43:43Matt McCusker?

  So what'd you do? How'd you get him out?

• 43:44Speaker 03

  I said, I asked the audience to give him a round of applause. I thought that would soften the blow. And I said, we gotta, come on.

• 43:51Matt McCusker?

  Personally kicked him out.

• 43:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, no one else was, someone else was running the bar and then it was me. I had to.

• 43:56Matt McCusker?

  And he left.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  What, what was he saying to you?

• 43:59Speaker 04

  He kept calling me a bitch and saying.

• 44:03Speaker 03

  This is the problem.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, that sucks.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  Calling me a bitch. Yeah, he kept calling me a bitch and he was just mad. I didn't, I couldn't even really guess why he was so mad.

• 44:11Speaker 03

  The woman he was with was very upset.

• 44:13Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, I think that's, I think I kinda went too hard at that.

• 44:17Matt McCusker?

  Well, dude, there's a lot of young guys.

• 44:18Speaker 04

  I wasn't mean, but I was like.

• 44:20Matt McCusker?

  A lot of guys on coke at the shows, I've noticed. I was saying hi to people after the shows.

• 44:24Speaker 01

  Oh yeah.

• 44:24Matt McCusker?

  You get a lot of.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  You wanna do some blow? No, thanks.

• 44:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't even get asked, but you look at these dudes and you're like, damn, bro, you're gacked out. You catch the fucking, like, the white ring around the nostrils. It's like.

• 44:35Speaker 03

  No, I was with you in Pittsburgh where a guy wanted to do.

• 44:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  A blow. He was very upfront about it.

• 44:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, you get that a lot.

• 44:42Speaker 03

  You were very discreet. You said, thank you so much. I'm like, right now.

• 44:47Speaker 01

  I'm not joking. I get offered coke at ninety percent of the bars I go to. Every time. Every time someone goes, yo, yo, come on, man.

• 44:57Matt McCusker?

  It's a blow. Come on, man, such a funny way to do it.

• 44:59Speaker 01

  I'm not even doing shots. I'm enjoying a couple brewskis. Come on now. No cocaine.

• 45:05Matt McCusker?

  Take it easy, boys.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  I mean, you know, once in a blue moon, I'll go, yeah.

• 45:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's see what happens. And then, uh, severe depression kicks in.

• 45:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  It's good stuff.

• 45:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, that's the.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  It's really all it does.

• 45:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it just gets you.

• 45:20Speaker 01

  It makes you pretty sad. You're fun. You're having a good time for a minute and then just sad.

• 45:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, sounds fun. That sounds not fun. I'm glad Sean's got off of it. He had a bad problem with it.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  Sean had a real issue with it. Cause every fucking other week he was like, I did some coke.

• 45:37Matt McCusker?

  Glad he's cleaned up his act. I was really worried about it.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  It's time to clean it up. What would your mommy and daddy say? They'd be devastated to know their little Sean was down here snorting up lines like he's Scarface. Thinking he's a tough guy around town.

• 45:50Speaker 04

  Someone's gonna show them this?

• 45:52Speaker 01

  No one's gonna show them this.

• 45:53Speaker 04

  Someone, someone.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  Well, you beat the habit. They're gonna be proud of you. They're gonna say.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  They're gonna say our sons are recovering, uh, coke.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  They're gonna believe you. There's moles out there in my family, friends, and just circles that tell my parents everything that's said about them.

• 46:09Matt McCusker?

  That stinks. My dad gets reports. Whenever I say anything gay about my dad, he hears about it.

• 46:14Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 46:15Matt McCusker?

  Whenever I say anything gay involving my dad, it'll eventually, like, two months later, he'll be like, "Heard you, uh, saying a bunch of weird stuff on your podcast. What the hell are you talking about? I heard about it. Some weird shit you were saying." I'm like, "What are you talking about?" And I'll, like, have to go back. I'm like, "Oh, fuck, yeah, my bad."

• 46:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, they all, they all listen. And then you go, "Please stop listening." It's like, "I miss you. It's the only time I get to hear your voice." Dead.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  It's a classic misdirection.

• 46:43Matt McCusker?

  That was nice.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  It's comedy 101.

• 46:44Matt McCusker?

  I saw that. That was nice.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  It was like, "Grandma."

• 46:50Matt McCusker?

  That was good stuff right there.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. You and I make decisions every day, Matt, but on PrizePix, being right can get you paid, baby.

• 47:00Matt McCusker?

  Don't forget, PrizePix is also available in 40-plus states, including Texas, California, and Georgia. Make sure to check it out. Download the app and get your basketball picks in today.

• 47:11Speaker 01

  With the basketball season starting, some players have been looking real scary on the court. Please riff about any players and picks you might take.

• 47:18Matt McCusker?

  Ooh.

• 47:19Speaker 01

  Ooh. I like, uh, VJ Edgecombe's been very fun to watch.

• 47:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I can see that.

• 47:24Speaker 01

  He's a young, he's a young fellow on the, on the Philadelphia 76ers, and I like watching him. I would like to pick him.

• 47:30Matt McCusker?

  Ooh, I'd like to pick Anthony Edwards. That's, I would just go with him, yeah.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  I'm feeling spooky today, so I'm gonna mix that basketball pick with a football pick. That's spooky. That makes sense. Let's go with Ca- ooh, they wanted me to say Cam Scataboo. He's been a menace, but he got severely injured this past week, so.

• 47:48Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no.

• 47:49Speaker 01

  So they were wrong.

• 47:51Matt McCusker?

  Ooh, yeah, I gotta take that back.

• 47:54Matt McCusker?

  Hmm. So who would you go with instead of Cam?

• 47:56Speaker 01

  Matt, you've missed your line, dude.

• 47:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, these picks are spooky as, I would say, a giant skeleton, the 10-foot skeleton.

• 48:04Speaker 01

  Those are spooky. Those picks are as scary as 10-foot skeletons.

• 48:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 48:08Speaker 01

  Download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups after your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups if you play your first $5 lineup.

• 48:16Matt McCusker?

  PrizePix, it's good to be right.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Take it away, Matt.

• 48:23Matt McCusker?

  Guys, here's where you can see me perform live. I'll be off the hook Comedy Club in Naples, Florida. 11:07, 11:08. That's gonna be fun. Comedy on State, Madison, Wisconsin. I believe the, I believe Friday's sold out. We'll see, but 11:14, 11:15, come to that. And then the Funny Bone Comedy Club, Syracuse, New York. 12:19, 12:20. Guys, please come. And I have a, I'm gonna announce a larger tour very soon, so.

• 48:48Speaker 01

  Oh, that's exciting.

• 48:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 48:49Speaker 01

  November 7th, I'll be in San Francisco. November 8th, I'll be in Sacramento. Come on, y'all. Please.

• 48:56Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 48:58Speaker 03

  Thank you. November 1st and 2nd, I'll be in Buffalo. November 5th, Oklahoma City, and then the next night, Tulsa. Then Huntsville, Nashville, and Washington DC. And then asleep.

• 49:11Speaker 04

  Please come to Optimum Noctis, November 4, please.

• 49:14Speaker 01

  Optimum Noctis, November 4.

• 49:15Speaker 04

  Creek in the Cave, thank you very much.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 49:17Speaker 04

  Happy Halloween.

• 49:18Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, Creek in the Cave, too.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  Happy Halloween.

• 49:19Matt McCusker?

  Tomorrow.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  Very spooky laugh, Sean.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm working on it.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Halloween night, I just wanna have a little frank.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Giants.

• 49:31Speaker 03

  Giants, I found out this week.

• 49:34Matt McCusker?

  Fully activated.

• 49:37Speaker 03

  I was talking to an LSU fan. Is it LSU, the Louisiana?

• 49:41Matt McCusker?

  LSU just lost, didn't they?

• 49:42Speaker 03

  They did lost, and they fired their coach, and they paid him $54 million.

• 49:45Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 49:46Speaker 03

  But I found out about what the, the music they would play.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  Suck that tiger dick?

• 49:50Speaker 03

  Suck, they bring out a tiger, and, and a, and a hundred thousand people scream, "Suck that tiger dick, bitch." It's very catchy, it's a good song. But it's, I didn't, the variance of the, I mean, at Notre Dame, they lift people up and they take a little child and they lift him up and down and they say, well.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  Well, Notre Dame's a, you know.

• 50:09Speaker 03

  Good family, friendly school, but.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  This isn't fucking Louisiana.

• 50:12Speaker 03

  Suck that tiger dick, bitch. It's very catchy. And they banned it. And then I found out Lamar, what's his name? Odell Beckham?

• 50:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:20Speaker 03

  There was a, he, the man who used to play for them, he went and conducted the band and paid the fine because he was so, he wanted to hear them scream.

• 50:27Speaker 01

  McAfee did it at game day. It was pretty fun.

• 50:29Speaker 03

  All he did was sing the opening notes and people took over. He knew what would happen.

• 50:33Speaker 01

  But no, their, their coach they fired was Brian Kelly.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  Yes, who used to be Notre Dame's coach.

• 50:37Speaker 01

  Poor Notre Dame man.

• 50:38Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 50:38Speaker 03

  And now he has fifty-four million dollars.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  I'm gonna go somewhere else where I can compete and to win a national title and I can't do it here at Notre Dame. And he went to LSU and he stunk, he shit the bed.

• 50:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, didn't they, I just saw him lose terribly. The game was on this weekend.

• 50:53Speaker 01

  You know what you'd like? They have, the governor of Louisiana gave like a press conference about it. It's, I had no idea he sounded the way he does. He's got full Creole.

• 51:01Matt McCusker?

  Does he really?

• 51:02Speaker 01

  Like, now what we need to do here, find new coach now, you know? I called down, we need to, oh, the money's going from the people to, it's incredible.

• 51:11Speaker 03

  CJ, it's CJ Lander who's a big LSU fan and he told me about Coach O.

• 51:16Speaker 01

  Actually, I think the governor's name is Lander.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  Well, I'm sure there are, he's part of the noble French families of that state, but this Coach O wants to come back. I love this man.

• 51:25Matt McCusker?

  The real jacked up guy, you sure? Oh, okay.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  He's got the Creole as well.

• 51:28Matt McCusker?

  We need him, yeah.

• 51:28Speaker 03

  Oh, proud, duh.

• 51:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm gonna tackle.

• 51:31Speaker 03

  Total press conference here.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  But he was, I think he was laying with women, which was.

• 51:36Speaker 03

  I saw the photo.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  Which was pretty awesome.

• 51:38Speaker 03

  Students.

• 51:39Speaker 01

  Some students. Turns out a lot of those SCC coaches, I've heard rumblings.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 51:44Speaker 01

  That they're, they're not afraid to kiss some of the students.

• 51:46Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 51:47Speaker 01

  Some of the southern bells.

• 51:49Matt McCusker?

  Stuff.

• 51:49Speaker 01

  Allegedly. Actually.

• 51:53Matt McCusker?

  Well, it's also because like there, I could see them being like, babe, I'm on the road. It's like, we live there. You're kissing the girls where we live. And you're like, well, okay. Now that you bring that up, I guess you got a point there.

• 52:03Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 52:04Matt McCusker?

  Kissing the coach?

• 52:04Speaker 01

  I'm not accusing anybody, but Lane Kiffin took a very interesting photo.

• 52:10Matt McCusker?

  Let me see.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  He took, he took some hot yoga on campus, I believe.

• 52:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they gotta bring those guys to Guantanamo, bro. Look, I've done hot yoga before and I've never had good intentions.

• 52:24Matt McCusker?

  I'll be honest.

• 52:24Speaker 01

  No, of course.

• 52:25Matt McCusker?

  Perving the entire time.

• 52:29Matt McCusker?

  I needed someone to put a sack over my head and drag me out.

• 52:31Speaker 01

  On Instagram.

• 52:32Matt McCusker?

  Bruh.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  That's a real bad one.

• 52:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Yeah, man. I mean, it's, yeah, been there.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  Good lord.

• 52:42Matt McCusker?

  I've been down that horny path before.

• 52:44Speaker 01

  He does it a lot.

• 52:45Matt McCusker?

  It's funny in the class too, they will say, guys, they'll be like, everyone eyes forward and you're just like, ooh, my bad.

• 52:50Speaker 03

  Do they say that in the class?

• 52:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  No accusations to the Kiff, man?

• 52:54Matt McCusker?

  Obviously not.

• 52:55Speaker 01

  Honestly.

• 52:55Matt McCusker?

  We got our eye on you right now.

• 52:57Speaker 01

  Posting the yoga pic is.

• 52:58Matt McCusker?

  Did he post that or did someone post?

• 53:00Speaker 01

  He posted that.

• 53:01Matt McCusker?

  Bruh. Third strand.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  I believe he posted that.

• 53:04Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 53:05Speaker 01

  He's got a tight body though.

• 53:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he shredded it. He shredded it. Definitely, I guess he'd be an ectomorph, I believe?

• 53:14Speaker 01

  No, perhaps.

• 53:14Matt McCusker?

  He's probably an ectomorph, I had to guess. Or maybe endo, I forget, but.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  Bit of an odder.

• 53:19Matt McCusker?

  I'm on a, I'm on a.

• 53:21Matt McCusker?

  I'm on a powerlifting journey right now.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  That's awesome.

• 53:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I've been beefing with my wife. I really think my T is getting raised from powerlifting.

• 53:28Speaker 01

  Oh, good.

• 53:29Matt McCusker?

  She's been like, dude, what the fuck?

• 53:30Speaker 01

  She's been more angry.

• 53:31Matt McCusker?

  She's been getting, yeah, I've been, dude, I've been.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  Been laying down the law.

• 53:33Matt McCusker?

  Laying down the law. She's really, she's pissed at me as we speak. She, I was, I don't even know what was going on. I was just like, I was asking her to order Uber Eats for me on the, like, when we were coming back. And I was like, dude, get this. And they, there was like an option they couldn't do to customize. And she's like, I already ordered it. Cause I was like, fuck that. I'll just go to Sprouts and grab food. She's like, I already ordered it. And I looked at her phone and she had hit buy, but you gotta hit like two more things. And I was like, you're lying. You didn't buy it.

• 53:58Speaker 01

  You can hit back.

• 53:59Matt McCusker?

  She was like, why are you saying I'm lying? I was like, I don't know. But yeah, I'm jacked up.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  Maybe that's where your dream came from.

• 54:05Matt McCusker?

  Ice cream?

• 54:05Speaker 01

  Just a, a woman just giving you whatever treats you wanted.

• 54:09Matt McCusker?

  No, you know what it's about?

• 54:10Speaker 01

  Meanwhile, you're struggling with Grubhub. You know?

• 54:15Matt McCusker?

  Could be, although there is a thing called ice cream action, which you eat ice cream to like bowl. Could be that too.

• 54:20Speaker 03

  I've been doing that for some time.

• 54:21Matt McCusker?

  It's all power, I'm telling you, it's all power.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, now that you mention it.

• 54:23Speaker 03

  After getting down to the ice cream parlor.

• 54:25Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 54:25Speaker 03

  Lovely waffle cones down there. It's a good walk with the children and then you have a little, uh, you have a little ice cream.

• 54:31Matt McCusker?

  Stuff with kids, cause you're like, let's get you guys a treat. We'll get you guys a treat.

• 54:34Speaker 01

  Anytime I'm home, I do nieces and nephews, I'm like, dude, you guys wanna go to fucking Dairy Queen?

• 54:40Speaker 01

  Let's go.

• 54:42Speaker 03

  I, I've only been to Dairy Queen once and I didn't realize that they did that for everybody, the, uh, the milkshake upside down. I just thought it was an incredible display of faith in the product, but they all

• 54:53Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 54:54Speaker 03

  do this. I can't think of another fast food place where they give you a little show on the way out the door.

• 54:58Matt McCusker?

  Blizzard's are nice too.

• 54:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  Blizzard's rule.

• 55:00Matt McCusker?

  Fuck with Blizzard's.

• 55:01Speaker 03

  Did you see the man who went to get a McFlurry and they told him the mixing machine was broken?

• 55:05Matt McCusker?

  They're always fucking broken.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  But then he sneaks back there and he uses the mixing machine and goes, oh, is it broken?

• 55:10Matt McCusker?

  No, that's gotta be staged. How the fuck did he get back? Actually, you could probably get past that.

• 55:14Speaker 03

  Just walk right, cause no one's at the counter anymore, cause it's all the screens.

• 55:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 55:20Speaker 04

  Videos of the people jumping through the drive-through window?

• 55:24Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 55:24Speaker 04

  That's a good trend lately. They jump back there and they play loud music and they just dance with all the fast food employees and get kidnapped.

• 55:31Speaker 03

  Did you have the trend here where people were buying soft serve ice creams and then throwing them through the window?

• 55:34Speaker 01

  Fire in the hole.

• 55:35Speaker 03

  Fire, yes.

• 55:36Matt McCusker?

  That was old school, dude. That was in the nineties.

• 55:38Speaker 01

  My friends participated in that.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  It's not right.

• 55:40Speaker 01

  It's not right. Actually, I did not participate, but they took my mom's car.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  And I got in trouble for it.

• 55:47Matt McCusker?

  Did a fire in the hole?

• 55:47Speaker 01

  They do have cameras. And they go, there's the license plate. Send the cops to his house. Mom, it wasn't me, they took my car. That sounds like 20.

• 56:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was, I don't think we ever did a fire in the hole. Eh, there could have been one, I don't know, but.

• 56:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, you get a, the biggest soda you can get.

• 56:08Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 56:08Speaker 01

  You get like a 68 ounce fucking Coke.

• 56:11Matt McCusker?

  It might, after. After CKY came out, it must have happened.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:16Matt McCusker?

  It's like an epidemic, for sure. So mean.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  CKY hit the fucking throwing a body off a bridge under car to cars?

• 56:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  That's insane.

• 56:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's really dangerous.

• 56:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, they would just make a dummy, throw it over a bridge so it'd hit a car when it was coming by. And make them.

• 56:31Speaker 03

  Who's CKY?

• 56:32Matt McCusker?

  Bam Margera.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  Bam Margera.

• 56:34Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:34Matt McCusker?

  It was like their their early video of their stunts, shopping cart, you know, shit like like rolling.

• 56:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was awesome.

• 56:40Matt McCusker?

  I used to throw golf balls in the highway.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  That's fun.

• 56:43Matt McCusker?

  That's not a good one. That's a bad one.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  That's a real bad one. But it's fun. When you're a kid, it's fun. Snowballs was the best.

• 56:49Matt McCusker?

  Snowballs.

• 56:50Speaker 01

  We've covered it, I think, a million times, but.

• 56:51Matt McCusker?

  Unbelievable.

• 56:52Speaker 01

  Hitting cars with snowballs.

• 56:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  Fucking rules.

• 56:55Matt McCusker?

  So fun. They get out and chase you. You gotta run away. It is funny because I know a couple of people who've gotten tackled and got. I witnessed a guy getting his ass kicked. But I was I was in the car as the adult and this guy got out and was like, fuck that. And we just chased this kid down, just pushed his face in the snow, made him cry.

• 57:09Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 57:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was pretty fucked.

• 57:12Speaker 03

  How much are you allowed to retaliate against a child? Because you've got to be able to do something.

• 57:17Matt McCusker?

  You got to watch the guy kick their ass. I think you can kick a kid's ass.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  Wash them, you know?

• 57:22Speaker 03

  You know, when there's like a gang of children?

• 57:25Speaker 01

  That's a risk.

• 57:25Speaker 03

  If I get into a fight with this gang of children, I think some of them are 14.

• 57:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:30Speaker 03

  If I win the fight, I look very bad, or if I even do any damage in the fight. But they beat me up. That's much worse.

• 57:35Matt McCusker?

  You can whoop a kid's ass.

• 57:36Speaker 01

  Just body, body. You gotta just go to the body the whole time.

• 57:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:39Matt McCusker?

  It was on. It was on site. When I was like growing up, we would like walk down the street and like older kids would drive by, call us names. If we like threw something at their car, they'd pop the doors and chase you down. They'll beat your ass. So I think there's something good about that.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:52Matt McCusker?

  Especially if you have like young punks. If they're like young punks doing stuff, you get out. You can get out of the car, I think, and just whoop their ass.

• 57:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:57Matt McCusker?

  It's good.

• 57:58Speaker 01

  Their parents will probably side with you.

• 58:00Matt McCusker?

  Back then, for sure, yeah. Now, I don't know.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  Now they're pressing child.

• 58:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, if you whoop the young punk's ass now, I think you'd, yeah. Their mom would be all up in your face.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  I was, I was looking into Curtis Sliwa.

• 58:12Matt McCusker?

  Who that?

• 58:13Speaker 01

  The guy running for mayor in New York.

• 58:16Matt McCusker?

  Yes, yeah.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  He might be one of the funniest people.

• 58:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 58:20Speaker 01

  Alive.

• 58:21Matt McCusker?

  I didn't, I didn't realize.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  Breakfast Club interview yesterday.

• 58:24Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 58:25Speaker 01

  He fucking rules.

• 58:26Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know he did the Breakfast Club.

• 58:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, he's awesome on it. He also, he kinda makes you wanna vote for him.

• 58:30Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 58:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's pretty, he's hilarious. He got shot by, uh, he was talking shit on the Gotti's. He had like an AM radio show where he would just be like, he would talk about the mob in New York like it was sports. He would like cover it. He would just name everybody. He'd be like, this is the guy, this is the restaurant that blew up.

• 58:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  This is what they're doing. Like he just, he knew everything. And so one day Gotti sent a bunch of guys with baseball bats to his house. And they beat him, they beat him with bats.

• 58:58Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 58:59Speaker 01

  Then he kept doing it. So they had a guy pretend to be a cab driver, wait outside his house, pick him up, and turn around and fucking shoot him. He got shot five times and jumped out of the cab.

• 59:10Matt McCusker?

  Geez.

• 59:11Speaker 01

  According to him, out of the window of the cab. This guy rules.

• 59:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he's a fucking man.

• 59:15Speaker 01

  And.

• 59:16Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know he was running too.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  Here's the thing that tops it off. He was a night manager at a McDonald's in the Bronx.

• 59:23Matt McCusker?

  Unbelievable.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  You're talking about fire in the hole.

• 59:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  That's fucking, that might be the worst job I've ever heard.

• 59:29Matt McCusker?

  That's unbelievable.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  And so that's where, so he founded the Guardian Angels. Cause they had, uh, like they started defunding police back then. I think it was the seventies or eighties. So there was no cops on the subways at night. So everyone in the Bronx was just getting really fucked up. So his night shift crew and him, Mickey D's workers.

• 59:51Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 59:51Speaker 01

  After they clocked out, would ride the subway trains and fuck people up that were out of line, dude. They rule, he rules. What's the? He fucking rules.

• 1:00:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, that's, I mean, dude, the bad attack is hilarious.

• 1:00:04Speaker 01

  And he loves animals.

• 1:00:06Matt McCusker?

  Does he?

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  He hates kill shelters. He's like, that's one of my platforms. We're shutting that down.

• 1:00:10Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  He's adopted seventeen cats, I think.

• 1:00:13Speaker 03

  It's, it's a lot of cats.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  A lot of cats.

• 1:00:15Matt McCusker?

  Dude, yeah.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  He's the man.

• 1:00:17Speaker 03

  Neil doesn't deserve him. They won't get behind, they won't rally around this great man.

• 1:00:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's kind of bullshit.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  But he's gonna, it's gonna cost Cuomo the election. Cause he won't drop out.

• 1:00:26Matt McCusker?

  Cuomo's, no way Cuomo will win anyway.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  If he dropped out, there'd be a chance.

• 1:00:31Matt McCusker?

  You think?

• 1:00:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause I think most of the people that would vote, he, Sli was running as a Republican.

• 1:00:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I got you.

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  Most of them would side with Cuomo over.

• 1:00:40Matt McCusker?

  Mamdani.

• 1:00:40Speaker 01

  Mamdani.

• 1:00:41Matt McCusker?

  Mamdani.

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  Oh, Mamdani.

• 1:00:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. My, Mamdani, I think Mamdani probably will win.

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely.

• 1:00:48Matt McCusker?

  I don't, I don't.

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  He's got all the celebs backing him, dude.

• 1:00:51Matt McCusker?

  I know. I, I didn't like, man.

• 1:00:54Speaker 01

  I, I think it's cool when comedians support politicians publicly.

• 1:00:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I just think he's a fucking crybaby, dude. He's a crybaby. I saw him crybaby and I was like.

• 1:01:04Speaker 03

  Who's he crybaby? Oh.

• 1:01:05Matt McCusker?

  Nine eleven.

• 1:01:07Matt McCusker?

  He's a nine eleven crybaby. I'm like, bro, shut up, man. I was just like, dude, we have problems. I get it. That must've sucked at the time, but also like, bro, way to make nine eleven all about you, man.

• 1:01:19Matt McCusker?

  I just don't like that shit. It's twenty years ago, man. You got stuffed in a locker, cause, you know, people didn't understand the difference in the Middle East. I don't know.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  I mean, that'd be, yeah.

• 1:01:30Matt McCusker?

  I get it. It wasn't, my dad, my dad had the terrorist hunting permit on his bumper sticker for a while. But I didn't, I didn't bully any Indian kids after nine eleven. A lot of, a lot of Indian guys love to fucking cry about post nine eleven. It's like, dude, we were all hurting, alright?

• 1:01:46Speaker 03

  I had one difficult post nine eleven moment at school.

• 1:01:48Matt McCusker?

  What happened to you?

• 1:01:49Speaker 03

  Cause, I mean, we were all finding out about what Islam was at the same time. It hadn't been a real cause to know about it. And I think my mom said, you know, she was trying to do a nice thing, but she didn't really, she said something like, you know, it's not all Muslims, but she didn't know the word for it. The Muslims who were, so she said, there's, you know, there's the good Muslims and there's the Allah Muslims. She was just associating, she was going, the Allah Muslims. And there was a Muslim girl at our school. I said to her, are you a, you're a Muslim or are you one of these Allah Muslims? She goes, no, we love Allah. And I was, at that point, I was like, I can't believe this girl is allowed to be here with us. She's an Allah Muslim, everybody.

• 1:02:28Matt McCusker?

  That's not my favorite moment.

• 1:02:30Speaker 03

  I just, I was shocked and I let her know, I don't think that's good. I would have been in this, you know, year seven. Year six, I was twelve, eleven, eight.

• 1:02:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, that's important.

• 1:02:42Matt McCusker?

  I've never even thought of you as a young boy before. That's so fun to think about.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  Why? It's just, it's this.

• 1:02:48Speaker 03

  This is a more relaxed version, yeah.

• 1:02:53Matt McCusker?

  Ah, you one of those Allah Muslims? Yes, I love Allah. Oh, wait, get out of here.

• 1:02:59Speaker 03

  You seem like a safety problem.

• 1:03:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was the one thing though. When I saw him hitting that, it was like, bro, come on, man. Hit me with some city plans. Don't hit me with twenty years ago, fucking, you know.

• 1:03:12Speaker 03

  I look forward to seeing his grocery store. Actually, the thing that got me furious, I didn't realize they wanted to shut down gifted and talented programs at public schools.

• 1:03:22Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 1:03:23Speaker 03

  That's one of his policies. You have a school, you have a poor school full of poor kids. You get one kid who's like, I like reading and I'm good at maths. And so you just, you have one teacher at these schools usually who can go, all right, you're the only one who wants a future. We're gonna try and give it to you.

• 1:03:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:36Speaker 03

  And they're gonna shut it down. That's his plan. I mean, this is appalling.

• 1:03:39Matt McCusker?

  Cause I guess he's saying it's not, well, yeah, he's probably gonna give it to like free lunch programs, so.

• 1:03:43Speaker 03

  I mean.

• 1:03:46Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  Was that a fart?

• 1:03:48Matt McCusker?

  Is it excitement fart at free lunch?

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  Free lunch, fart. He farted off the free lunch.

• 1:03:56Matt McCusker?

  What the hell was that?

• 1:03:57Speaker 06

  That was nothing.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  Well, Mary, you definitely love Mamdam.

• 1:04:02Speaker 06

  I don't know. I just, I don't like him.

• 1:04:04Matt McCusker?

  You don't like him?

• 1:04:05Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:04:06Matt McCusker?

  What the hell?

• 1:04:06Speaker 06

  He's out of nowhere.

• 1:04:08Speaker 03

  He's from Uganda.

• 1:04:08Matt McCusker?

  He's out of nowhere?

• 1:04:09Speaker 06

  He's just random.

• 1:04:10Matt McCusker?

  Good call. He's out of nowhere. I don't like him.

• 1:04:12Speaker 06

  He's super new. He's mad new.

• 1:04:14Matt McCusker?

  He's so?

• 1:04:15Speaker 06

  He's too new.

• 1:04:16Matt McCusker?

  Why?

• 1:04:17Speaker 03

  He's green.

• 1:04:18Speaker 06

  He's just too new, you know? Yeah, he's green.

• 1:04:20Matt McCusker?

  That's what Sliwa hit him with.

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  He's green?

• 1:04:23Speaker 01

  Sliwa hit him with it on the, in the debate. Sliwa was dominating the debate.

• 1:04:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they, I only heard like secondhand accounts.

• 1:04:31Speaker 01

  He was like, you could write down all of Mamdam's accomplishments on a single napkin. You could write, you couldn't write down all of Cuomo's failures if you had the entire New York Public Library.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  Everyone was like, oh, cause everyone hates Cuomo. So Sliwa's kinda like, Sliwa's not gonna win. So he's kinda everybody's boy. Everyone's like, dude, fuck it.

• 1:04:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 1:04:54Speaker 01

  I honestly, I don't know anything.

• 1:04:56Matt McCusker?

  No, the for the

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  Anything about it.

• 1:04:57Matt McCusker?

  Public grocery store, I'll be interested to see how that works out. Cause I'm not inherently against it. I just want to see if it works. I know they've tried this a bunch of times and I feel like it's kind of ended disastrously. But I'm curious to see if you can get the like, cause I don't know what that would do to like, you know, a private grocery store if you're just like, yeah, we got apples for fucking forty seven.

• 1:05:17Speaker 03

  I mean, do you just have the one affordable butter?

• 1:05:20Speaker 01

  I'm sure there's, there's gotta be a requirement to be able to get access to the free grocery store.

• 1:05:25Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  Which will probably just be Snap, which is, isn't that already?

• 1:05:29Speaker 03

  It's winding up.

• 1:05:30Speaker 01

  I don't know anything about it.

• 1:05:31Speaker 03

  Government is still shut down?

• 1:05:33Matt McCusker?

  Still shut down. You talking about the Democrat shutdown?

• 1:05:36Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:05:39Matt McCusker?

  Every day. Trump's working so hard during the government, the Democrats shut down.

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  He is, dude. Japan gave him some golf clubs. He's fired up.

• 1:05:46Matt McCusker?

  I got it. I saw one of the White House things they put out. I think they did like an every day I'm hustling thing, which is Trump walking around the halls.

• 1:05:53Speaker 01

  They really need to

• 1:05:54Matt McCusker?

  It's like during the government.

• 1:05:55Speaker 01

  They really need to stop making fucking hype videos.

• 1:06:00Matt McCusker?

  So many hype videos.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  The ICE hype videos bother me so much.

• 1:06:04Matt McCusker?

  Well, it's just funny too, like if, say like, you know, you're fucked from the shutdown and just like all of a sudden you get like a cool song with Trump walking through the hallway and be like, never mind, we got this, this is sick.

• 1:06:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, never mind.

• 1:06:15Matt McCusker?

  It's so tight.

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't need to eat in November.

• 1:06:20Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, public grocery store, I'll be curious to see.

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  When are the, uh, when are the elections for?

• 1:06:28Speaker 01

  Isn't that, isn't that, wouldn't that be November?

• 1:06:35Speaker 01

  Could be a good move for the Dems to keep the shutdown going.

• 1:06:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, whatever it takes.

• 1:06:45Speaker 03

  I can't go to a sweet national parks.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  That's where the snap benefits will run out.

• 1:06:51Matt McCusker?

  I think you can definitely go.

• 1:06:52Speaker 01

  During the election. Yeah, I think they run out in November. It's a good move to keep those.

• 1:06:56Speaker 03

  They're not staffed.

• 1:06:57Speaker 01

  Keep those closed and get people out to vote.

• 1:07:00Matt McCusker?

  Starve the poor.

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  Starve the poor, make them get them out, get them out to vote. They need to stop the violence of vote.

• 1:07:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. Dang, that'd be crazy if it really was like that level of tactics where it's like, we're gonna start hitting like medieval French shit.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  It truly probably is.

• 1:07:13Matt McCusker?

  Just starve, get some people, some people hangry.

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, cuz I was.

• 1:07:17Matt McCusker?

  Hangry, the hangry populace will be.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  I think Democrats are honestly voting for the shutdown.

• 1:07:23Matt McCusker?

  That's weird, man.

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  I think a few of them are to make sure it's still going.

• 1:07:26Matt McCusker?

  Eee.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  I could be wrong cuz the, I don't think the Republicans have enough votes to keep the shutdown going.

• 1:07:32Matt McCusker?

  I mean, dude.

• 1:07:33Speaker 01

  So it does require a few Democrats to vote.

• 1:07:37Speaker 01

  Whatever, I don't, again.

• 1:07:38Speaker 03

  The Republicans are voting to pass it. You need 60% is my understanding.

• 1:07:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, yeah, what I've seen is that they're.

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  I don't know anything.

• 1:07:44Matt McCusker?

  Well, I think the pubs were like, yo, let's, there's a bill they're trying to do and the Dems are like, no, we need, you know, we need to fire the, all that's, I think the stuff they took out from Doja, like fire that shit back up. So I don't fucking know either, but if, if, if that is the case, or it's some classic, like, let the people get a little hungry. I don't, I don't know, that'd be pretty fucked.

• 1:08:04Speaker 03

  I think air traffic controllers are gonna have to start working for free.

• 1:08:08Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:08:09Speaker 03

  That was, I think that was the next step.

• 1:08:11Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 1:08:13Speaker 01

  It's not good.

• 1:08:13Matt McCusker?

  Shane.

• 1:08:14Speaker 03

  That's a bit of a difficulty.

• 1:08:16Matt McCusker?

  I'm guessing it'd be like a big IOU. I guess they'd get their money.

• 1:08:20Speaker 03

  Which is a big lump sum.

• 1:08:21Matt McCusker?

  Well, good luck to everybody dealing with the government shutdown.

• 1:08:24Speaker 01

  Is the government shutdown still costing us flyovers? That's the real thing. I'm not worried about the hungry, the 40 million people, uh.

• 1:08:31Matt McCusker?

  They'll figure it out.

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  Not getting food.

• 1:08:33Matt McCusker?

  But it is flyovers for sure.

• 1:08:34Speaker 01

  I need flyovers.

• 1:08:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's fucking bullshit. That's bullshit.

• 1:08:39Speaker 01

  And I also, I need, I need war with Venezuela. Those are the things I need.

• 1:08:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we're we're thinking, dude, I remember I said we're gonna go to war with the cartels. That's not Venezuela, but they're talking like cartel wars.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  They're blowing up boats saying those are cartel boats.

• 1:08:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man, that's that's coming.

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:57Matt McCusker?

  I I knew that was down the pike, man.

• 1:08:59Speaker 01

  You're saying you called it?

• 1:09:00Matt McCusker?

  I called it.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  When?

• 1:09:01Matt McCusker?

  Dude, like a year ago. I was like, we're gonna go to war with the cartels.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  I think he did that a year ago. I think he named them terrorists.

• 1:09:09Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  Like, yeah, well, I guess it would have been this administration.

• 1:09:11Matt McCusker?

  Cause my my my prediction was that that way the United States can control the opioid production.

• 1:09:17Speaker 01

  Ooh, I like it.

• 1:09:17Matt McCusker?

  And then legalize heroin here, then cure homelessness, opioid crisis by handing out basically government controlled heroin. So it's like they're gonna have, they're gonna attack the, you know, all the people down in Mexico doing the cartels and they're gonna take over the supply and just be like, look, let's just like legalize this and control it.

• 1:09:34Speaker 01

  You want to legalize it?

• 1:09:36Matt McCusker?

  They don't legalize.

• 1:09:37Speaker 01

  Legalize.

• 1:09:38Matt McCusker?

  Legalize the crack devil, man.

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  You need Charlie Charlie Sheen now, almost. Start fucking slowly, you know, making it less potent.

• 1:09:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:48Speaker 01

  They don't respond well to that. They usually.

• 1:09:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, it's also, there's no way it's getting less potent. They have they have something stronger than fentanyl now. They have the new thing that's like 50 times stronger than fentanyl, which was like 50 times stronger than heroin. So, yeah, they're they're still rocking. They're rocking in the free world for sure.

• 1:10:07Speaker 03

  Imagine getting to the point where heroin's not enough. I just, I mean, heroin seems, what, heroin is that easygoing, relaxed one now? It's just heroin.

• 1:10:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think heroin's like, yeah, I guess it's not enough. I guess it's more of a gentleman's drug now.

• 1:10:22Speaker 03

  Sophisticated.

• 1:10:23Matt McCusker?

  Well, there was also, people say when you have things illegal and you crank the pressure up in terms of like, you know, you get so much jail time for heroin. So then it incentivizes making things stronger in smaller doses so you can sneak less of it but get more bang for your buck. So I think as long as it's illegal, they're gonna keep ramping that up.

• 1:10:39Speaker 03

  I've been watching Singapore video, Lee Kuan Yew, I think was his name, but the Singaporee Prime Minister for like, he ran a one party state in Singapore for a long time. And people were saying, you've got to stop executing people who come to the country with drugs. How many families are lost to these drugs? How many people are killed because we don't kill? He was a hard man.

• 1:11:01Speaker 01

  You love it.

• 1:11:03Speaker 03

  Why? I don't approve of it.

• 1:11:05Speaker 01

  He loves a strong man.

• 1:11:07Speaker 03

  I do love Trump. Yes, I love a strong man.

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  That's so gay.

• 1:11:11Speaker 03

  I've been in trouble for this before.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  That's gay to like a strong man.

• 1:11:13Speaker 03

  I don't know what it is that comes out of me. Every time I see a strong charismatic man say, bold steps have to be taken, I think. I like that.

• 1:11:21Matt McCusker?

  Trump is getting into that now where he's talking about like killing drug traffickers. He's like, we'll kill him. He'll be dead. And it's just, he's getting into that bag as well.

• 1:11:28Speaker 01

  He mentioned that a while ago.

• 1:11:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. He did that recently too.

• 1:11:31Speaker 01

  Bringing it back?

• 1:11:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he brought it back. Yeah, because that guy, yeah, that one guy gets to do it all the time where he's just like, they just started killing all like the drug traffickers. Duarte, whatever the fuck his name is.

• 1:11:41Speaker 03

  Duterte?

• 1:11:42Matt McCusker?

  I don't know.

• 1:11:42Speaker 03

  He's gone now, though, I think.

• 1:11:43Matt McCusker?

  Is he out? But yeah, Trump's talking, he wants to get in on that action. Well, he wants the bold man, like, kill him, I don't give a fuck.

• 1:11:49Speaker 01

  He's been fucking bombing some boats. Have you seen that?

• 1:11:51Matt McCusker?

  No, the cartel boats.

• 1:11:52Speaker 03

  That's a big hot video at the moment.

• 1:11:54Speaker 01

  He's just fucking drone strugging any, yeah.

• 1:11:57Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know Venezuela was a big cartel hub as well.

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  I don't know. Colombia is, they border it, I think, and then...

• 1:12:04Matt McCusker?

  I guess, yeah.

• 1:12:05Speaker 01

  But no, it's all, I think it's an excuse for some reason to go to war with Venezuela. Fucking, what's his name? Who's the gay guy from South Carolina? Lindsey Graham was just calling for it.

• 1:12:18Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:12:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. They really want, I think our fleet is going to Venezuela right now.

• 1:12:23Matt McCusker?

  Oh, crap.

• 1:12:25Speaker 01

  What the hell?

• 1:12:26Matt McCusker?

  That would be...

• 1:12:27Speaker 01

  They better not.

• 1:12:29Matt McCusker?

  It's not good. Yeah, we don't need to be stoking up.

• 1:12:31Speaker 01

  What the fuck would we fight them for?

• 1:12:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, especially with all China and Russia then buddying up.

• 1:12:35Speaker 03

  If Israel has calmed down, you've got, you know, need another war somewhere. You can't just have one war going.

• 1:12:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, has Israel done? I thought that was still, there's still some stuff going on with that.

• 1:12:43Speaker 03

  They were winding that up.

• 1:12:44Speaker 01

  I think Israel's not afraid to break a ceasefire.

• 1:12:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think they're still fired up. Yeah, that's not...

• 1:12:50Speaker 01

  I don't think either side is really afraid to break a ceasefire down there.

• 1:12:53Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:12:54Speaker 01

  They're living in the free world. They're rocking.

• 1:12:56Matt McCusker?

  Hopefully, maybe Israel will send us aid if we, you know, all the benefits get taken away. Maybe Israel will send some aid here. That'd be nice.

• 1:13:02Speaker 03

  I did just find out they didn't get involved in Iraq.

• 1:13:05Matt McCusker?

  Who?

• 1:13:06Speaker 03

  I thought Israel would have sent troops to Iraq with you. Israel does not send troops to any American war.

• 1:13:13Matt McCusker?

  Well, they're busy. They're all used up.

• 1:13:15Speaker 03

  They are busy. They've got a lot on, but.

• 1:13:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:17Speaker 01

  The one thing I like that the IDF does is they post, or just Israel, they post like hot chicks.

• 1:13:22Speaker 03

  Oh, the hot, the fine.

• 1:13:23Speaker 01

  And they're like, I'm Jewish. What do you have to say about me? It's like.

• 1:13:27Matt McCusker?

  The hell? What the fuck is that all about?

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  You've never seen the hot IDF?

• 1:13:30Matt McCusker?

  I feel like I've seen that, but I know they're going that's, that, I thought it'd be like, join the IDF, like, check out our babes.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  They got a little bit of that, but they're also like, I'm Israeli. Do you hate me? And it's just the hottest chick you've ever seen.

• 1:13:40Matt McCusker?

  It's like, no.

• 1:13:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, no, I love you.

• 1:13:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, clearly not.

• 1:13:43Speaker 01

  No, they had it coming.

• 1:13:44Speaker 03

  You're not doing the wrong thing.

• 1:13:45Speaker 01

  Fuckers.

• 1:13:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's also weird to be on the offensive as a military. You know what I mean? Like our United States military is not like, what are you racist bitch and just show like a jacked black guy. It's like.

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  I think they did do that for a little while.

• 1:13:59Speaker 03

  I don't know if you've seen the commercials.

• 1:14:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. 2020, they were hitting some wild shit.

• 1:14:03Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy. I never, I would never, it's weird as a military to be like obsessed with like, were you guys mad at me? It's like, dude, do your job.

• 1:14:10Speaker 01

  Honestly, they're posting hot chicks and me like, are you still mad? And they're like, no, dude, come here, come here. I forgive you IDF.

• 1:14:21Speaker 01

  Let's keep posting babes. Did, did you find some?

• 1:14:26Speaker 04

  Seems like they're pivoting a little, at least on Instagram.

• 1:14:28Matt McCusker?

  No more babes?

• 1:14:29Speaker 04

  Oh. Couldn't find many babes. It's more just like a

• 1:14:34Speaker 04

  other stuff.

• 1:14:35Matt McCusker?

  Like what?

• 1:14:37Speaker 04

  Tanks.

• 1:14:37Matt McCusker?

  Videos of being like, that video you saw of a baby getting his head ripped off is fake.

• 1:14:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:42Matt McCusker?

  I know they'd hit those videos a lot.

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  It's literally like.

• 1:14:44Speaker 04

  It's just like soldiers and.

• 1:14:45Speaker 01

  They post like.

• 1:14:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm not a big fan.

• 1:14:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's crazy, man. What the hell's that all about?

• 1:14:53Speaker 01

  Dude, they're so hot.

• 1:14:54Matt McCusker?

  Dude, he found the babes in two seconds.

• 1:14:56Speaker 01

  All you have to do is Google hot IDF female soldiers.

• 1:14:58Speaker 04

  I was looking on.

• 1:14:59Matt McCusker?

  Oh, you were looking for the official?

• 1:15:00Speaker 04

  I was looking on Instagram, but I have seen the babes. They were doing TikTok dances for a while.

• 1:15:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:06Speaker 04

  In their fatigues.

• 1:15:08Matt McCusker?

  It is funny to be like kind of coming to some sort of like moral.

• 1:15:12Speaker 01

  IDF babes are, that's a good move.

• 1:15:14Matt McCusker?

  It's a good brainwash.

• 1:15:15Speaker 01

  That's good, good propaganda.

• 1:15:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, because I stay out of things. And you're like, you know what? A lot of people are saying it's genocide.

• 1:15:19Speaker 01

  I don't want to get involved in this politically.

• 1:15:21Speaker 04

  Cash Patel is married to one, isn't he?

• 1:15:23Matt McCusker?

  An IDF babe?

• 1:15:24Speaker 04

  Pretty sure.

• 1:15:24Matt McCusker?

  I think.

• 1:15:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:25Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:15:27Speaker 04

  That's their strongest weapon is their babes.

• 1:15:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:30Speaker 04

  One of them at least.

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  They do use babes. Sometimes underage and then they film you.

• 1:15:39Matt McCusker?

  Gotcha.

• 1:15:41Matt McCusker?

  True. Gotcha.

• 1:15:43Speaker 01

  All right, that's a good ender. Onto the Patreon, jines.

• 1:15:46Matt McCusker?

  Bye. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

• 1:15:51Speaker 01

  Do it.

• 1:15:58Speaker 07

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• 1:16:28Speaker 05

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