Armchair Anonymous: News II

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a time they made the news. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Padman.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 0:05Dax Shepard?

  We are sitting in such a weird spot right now.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  I know, normally I'm across from you, but right now I'm next to you and it's strange.

• 0:11Dax Shepard?

  It's really strange, but we are getting to show our profiles off a little more than normal.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Oh, this is a good time to remind people that if you want to watch us, you can watch us on Armchair Anonymous now.

• 0:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  It's only on us.

• 0:23Dax Shepard?

  For better or worse.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. Honestly, it's for worse.

• 0:27Dax Shepard?

  But, but please watch.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, check it out.

• 0:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, just check it out. Okay, today we have fun stories about people who have been on the news. There's nothing more exciting. I'm from a small town, so being on the news was like

• 0:41Speaker 01

  A big deal.

• 0:42Dax Shepard?

  The biggest.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  I was on the news for cheerleading.

• 0:45Dax Shepard?

  Of course you were. You got to celebrate our state champs.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  Billboard.

• 0:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you were on a billboard?

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 0:49Dax Shepard?

  Did you take a picture of yourself in front of the billboard?

• 0:51Speaker 01

  I did not.

• 0:53Dax Shepard?

  What?

• 0:53Speaker 01

  I know.

• 0:54Dax Shepard?

  How could you have not done that?

• 0:55Speaker 01

  Just didn't care enough.

• 0:56Dax Shepard?

  They thought that was too indulgent? So you already have a fucking billboard and I need a picture of yourself in front of the billboard? Did you take a picture of the billboard at least?

• 1:03Speaker 01

  I assume it got, I didn't know.

• 1:08Dax Shepard?

  All right. Well, anyways, please enjoy crazy news stories. We get support from Quince.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 1:24Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  $60. $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 2:04Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time and he looks iconic.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 2:14Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 2:32Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is presented by YouTube Premium. YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. Now let's get into today's episode.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  Hard times come and go. Good times, take them slow. My life, I had them both. But one thing, you gotta know, I'mma keep on shining.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 3:33Dax Shepard?

  Can you hear us?

• 3:34Speaker 01

  Look at your shirt.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  My close friends, Dax and Monica. Monica, I really liked that you noticed my shirt immediately.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  I love Adam Driver. Was this made personally for you or can you buy this off the web?

• 3:46Speaker 03

  You can buy this off the web. I found a website that you can do this for ostensibly any celebrity or anyone really in general. I got it for a Halloween costume. I was gonna have a tabby hat and be a designated driver.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  Cute.

• 4:00Dax Shepard?

  Wonderful. You've seen the one Kristen has of me, right? It's very similar to this and the big joke was that she wore it like five times and I never noticed it, but it's all these pictures of me and they're mostly paparazzi photos and they picked the worst ones. They picked one where we went to the beach right when the baby was new and I gained like 25 pounds while Kristen was pregnant. I just look like a slob is what I look like.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Part of your life.

• 4:24Dax Shepard?

  I guess so.

• 4:25Speaker 03

  That's right. That's right. It's documentation. That's all.

• 4:27Dax Shepard?

  Okay. And where are you?

• 4:29Speaker 03

  I am in Durham, North Carolina.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  Great place.

• 4:33Dax Shepard?

  I hear about it all the time.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're familiar with some parts of North Carolina.

• 4:37Dax Shepard?

  Well, Sid Eras talks a lot about Durham because it's Raleigh Durham, right? They're neighboring.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  That's right. I've been here like seven years and the story takes place in Durham.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  Great.

• 4:46Dax Shepard?

  Okay, hit us. You have a news story.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  That's right. So I'm telling it on behalf of my roommate Beth.

• 4:52Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 4:52Speaker 03

  And I got her permission, of course, and everything. She's really the main character of this story, but myself and a former roommate Natalie, who's a good buddy of mine, we are supporting characters. So I felt like I could tell it.

• 5:03Dax Shepard?

  Great.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  So this is May 2020, rough, weird time. There's four of us living in a house in Durham, so not the house I'm currently in. It wasn't a bad neighborhood at all. It was like pretty calm. Things didn't really happen too much there. We were definitely the most like controversial house on the block. We were just four friends, three girls, one guy. Like no one really knew what to do with us, but the neighborhood was mostly older folks. We watched our sweet old neighbor across the street get taken out of her house in a body bag.

• 5:35Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  Passed on.

• 5:37Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 5:38Speaker 03

  This is like 9:30 on a Sunday, late for me. I was in bed. My roommate Beth, she's very zany, quirky, fun. Love her. She's still my roommate, living together still seven years later.

• 5:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  She was sunning her plants outside all day. So they were out on the lawn and she's taking them in because she didn't want them to, I don't know, get cold in the night or something. So she's taking all of her plants in. He comes inside in her very typical Beth way. She goes, Kiara, something's happening. I was like, what does that mean? I'm probably like in bed watching Friends. I have a bathrobe on, right? Come down the stairs. I'm like, what do you mean something's happening? She's like, I don't know, something out on the street is going on. So we open the door, we look out, 9:30, it's dark, right? There's a car on the street with headlights, taillights. So car is running. All the doors are open.

• 6:28Speaker 03

  Okay. It's just like sitting, idling on the street. Weird. Then we see a small child running up the street, crying.

• 6:38Speaker 01

  No.

• 6:38Dax Shepard?

  Uh-oh.

• 6:39Speaker 03

  Clearly in distress. Beth thought at first that maybe it was like a domestic violence situation. We had no idea what was going on, but little boy's crying. He runs to our neighbor's house, which not really sure how he made that decision since our neighbor's house was all dark, like no lights on. You could tell no one was home. It was quite obvious. Our house, all lights open, doors open. He goes over knocking on the door, help, help, help, ringing the doorbell.

• 7:04Dax Shepard?

  How old is this little boy? Do we say? Five?

• 7:06Speaker 03

  No, we found out after the fact he was nine.

• 7:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 7:09Speaker 03

  Old enough to know what was going on and to try to go get help. So he's knocking, he's ringing the doorbell. Beth dives into the meat of life, right? So she goes, hey, hey, do you need help? Come over here.

• 7:20Dax Shepard?

  I'm trustworthy. Look, I care for plants.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  A good plant mom.

• 7:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  She's a great plant mom. So many things about her make her so trustworthy, but she was like, no one else is out there. No one else is hearing this little boy, right? So he comes over to our house, like, sit on the couch.

• 7:33Dax Shepard?

  Do you want to live here?

• 7:37Speaker 03

  You are our child now. Clearly in distress. We're like, okay, what's going on here? We sit him down, we get him some water. We like, don't really know what to do with him because we, we have no idea what's going on. So he has a little bit of broken English and he's obviously stressed and emotional. So his story is like not totally making sense. But we start to understand that he was with his mom. That's his mom's car out on the street. He had fallen asleep and he had ended up on this street.

• 8:07Dax Shepard?

  By himself in the car.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  That's right. He has his mom's cell phone and like nothing else, right? So then like five, six, seven cop cars fly onto the street and we're like, okay, something obviously has transpired. Long story short is that this kid was in the back of his, his mom's car, fell asleep. His mom was soliciting houses for like church donations.

• 8:29Dax Shepard?

  At 9:30 at night?

• 8:31Speaker 03

  Well, I know.

• 8:32Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  I know.

• 8:35Dax Shepard?

  A little flimsy, but continue.

• 8:38Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, and also how'd you learn that? From the cops or from the child or?

• 8:42Dax Shepard?

  The news story.

• 8:44Speaker 03

  It was a little piecemeal. It was him and it was the cops telling us like, this is the report that has come in.

• 8:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Is that two men had stolen this car with the little boy in the back because he'd fallen asleep. His mom was like, why don't you sleep in the car? I'll go to the door, come back. They had stolen the car, thinking they were just stealing a car.

• 9:03Dax Shepard?

  This is like that valet gone wrong. Remember the prank?

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:08Dax Shepard?

  It's a movie. There's a little boy in the backseat.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  That's like a comedy.

• 9:12Dax Shepard?

  Kid's precocious.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  It's a Home Alone four.

• 9:16Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my version's more they fall in love with the kid and he kind of straightens out their life.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  No, it's not a

• 9:21Dax Shepard?

  It's not that kind.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  HG, what is the type of movie?

• 9:24Dax Shepard?

  HGTV.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Hallmark, thank you. It's not a Hallmark movie. It's a funny, funny comedy.

• 9:30Dax Shepard?

  Fred Claus, no, Santa Claus, the bad Santa. Like he's a bad boy, but then he meets this little boy and then he kind of falls in love with them and he does the right thing. That's the version I want to see.

• 9:39Speaker 03

  Totally wish that had happened. It didn't.

• 9:41Dax Shepard?

  So they discovered this boy in the backseat.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  As they were driving down our street, I guess they discovered this boy. He woke up and so he started to make noise and they were like, we just wanted the car. We weren't in it for kidnapping.

• 9:53Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 9:54Speaker 03

  They abandoned the car entirely, jumped into a getaway car because Beth had said when she first came out that there was another car speeding away.

• 10:01Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  So they had like called their buddies. They were like, get us out of here. We don't want to steal a child. He did have his mom's phone, but his mom's wallet, everything else like was in the car and got ultimately stolen.

• 10:13Dax Shepard?

  How far away?

• 10:15Speaker 03

  It was three or four streets over. They didn't get far, thankfully.

• 10:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, great.

• 10:19Speaker 03

  But you know, because he had his mom's cell phone, he couldn't call his mom.

• 10:23Dax Shepard?

  And she couldn't call the police.

• 10:25Speaker 03

  I'm sure she went into whatever house she was asking for money from and was like, my child's gone. He was able to call his sister. So sister and boyfriend came, picked him up. But obviously then in that time, multiple news vans started showing up because it was like, you know, big news, we got to talk about it. And so they asked for interviews. Beth was really the one, she had seen the action from the get-go.

• 10:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 10:47Speaker 03

  So she was the one on, on camera. She is drinking out of this cup that I own. It's Harry Styles of One Direction era. Just his face like boldly on the cup.

• 10:57Speaker 01

  You have so much.

• 10:58Dax Shepard?

  You love your boy. You are a boy crazy and I love it.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  And also you just like to display it on your person, which I appreciate.

• 11:05Dax Shepard?

  I want this.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  So cameras on Beth, One Direction cup. My roommate Natalie, voice of reason, was like, Give me that. You gotta get that out of there. That's crazy. We're gonna look so insane. I'm standing in the back in my bathroom. Natalie was like, you gotta get out of the truck. Like, we're looking crazy.

• 11:22Dax Shepard?

  Clear frame. Yeah, yeah.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  We're looking a mess with the One Direction cut of the rope, whatever.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  So Beth gets recorded. Thirty seconds. It's like really manic. I sent Emma a clip of the actual, like, the news story. So you guys can watch it maybe afterwards. It's so funny because Beth is a therapist.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 11:41Speaker 03

  She had just graduated social work school. So she says something along the lines of, his story wasn't really linear because he had just experienced something very traumatic.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  No, she got all the therapy speak out.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then she's like, if you need a therapist, please call.

• 12:00Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  Can you imagine the mom coming out of the house and then your car is gone with your child in it?

• 12:07Speaker 03

  Car's gone with your child in it. Yeah.

• 12:09Dax Shepard?

  Okay, we have some photos. Monica, this is the police in action.

• 12:14Speaker 03

  Just a road flooded with cops.

• 12:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. And then there's some adults talking by the edge of what looks like a Volkswagen Passat. Who are those people?

• 12:22Speaker 03

  That's right. So I think that was Beth and I think that was either a cop or one of the news station folks.

• 12:26Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. Oh, yeah. It appears to be mid-interview. Yeah, there's a bright light shining on her.

• 12:31Speaker 03

  That's right. It was crazy to me to see how the news works, like, behind the scenes. They really get in and get out.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, they were fast.

• 12:38Dax Shepard?

  They gotta get to that next thing. Well, please tell Beth that we think she's a hero and we love her.

• 12:44Speaker 03

  Will do. She is a hero and we love her too. Her nickname's Bonky. That's another story, but we love our Bonky.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  You'll write back. You'll write back.

• 12:51Dax Shepard?

  You're bonkers for bonky.

• 12:52Speaker 01

  Maybe we'll do origin of a nickname.

• 12:56Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that could be it.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  It's so nice to meet you.

• 12:59Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  It was great to meet you guys. Truly my close, personal friends. I can't tell you how many hours of you guys I've listened to.

• 13:06Dax Shepard?

  I hope I'm in Durham. I hope I bump into you. Wonderful meeting you. Take care.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  Good to meet you. Bye.

• 13:14Dax Shepard?

  Hello?

• 13:14Speaker 03

  Hello.

• 13:16Dax Shepard?

  Are you a librarian?

• 13:18Speaker 03

  I am at a school and I created a little nook in our library. So I am sitting in a library at a school, but I'm not a librarian.

• 13:30Dax Shepard?

  Clearly in elementary.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  It's actually K-12.

• 13:33Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Oh, the whole shebang.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  Yep, in a tiny town in Oregon.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 13:37Dax Shepard?

  What part of Oregon?

• 13:38Speaker 03

  I live in Salem and work outside of Salem.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  Okay, so school's out?

• 13:42Speaker 03

  No. I just hope everyone behaves for the next 15 minutes.

• 13:47Dax Shepard?

  Good for you. You've gone rogue.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  I love this.

• 13:51Dax Shepard?

  Okay, well then try to make this quick for you. Erin, you have a news story?

• 13:55Speaker 03

  I do. So the year is 1992. I am 15 years old and I am in a youth orchestra that has just completed a European tour. So we are flying from Denmark to Portland as our final destination. And we're getting ready to board. Everyone's starting to line up and I immediately tell one of the chaperones that I have to go to the bathroom. Cannot hold it. Need to go right now. And instead, I realized that at duty-free stores, I'm 15 and I can purchase alcohol.

• 14:35Dax Shepard?

  No, really?

• 14:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:37Dax Shepard?

  Is that standard? Because you're not in a country at that point? What's going on?

• 14:42Speaker 03

  In 1992, they let it go.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  So I purchased a beautiful wicker-wrapped jug, not bottle, not box, a jug of red wine.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 14:55Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  My friend and I go and we drank a lot of it in the bathroom.

• 15:01Dax Shepard?

  Before the flight?

• 15:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  Very quickly.

• 15:03Speaker 03

  As fast as we could, as much as we could. We had a job to do and we get on the plane.

• 15:11Dax Shepard?

  Can I ask quickly, had you been drinking in Denmark?

• 15:13Speaker 03

  No.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  First time?

• 15:15Speaker 03

  No, it was not my first time drinking, but this was like our last hurrah. Like, it seemed unsupervised and I'm an opportunist and the stars aligned. I went for it.

• 15:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, good for you.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 15:34Dax Shepard?

  We get support from our presenting sponsor, YouTube Premium. Now, you already know I'm a big YouTube person. It's incredible on its own, but Premium makes the whole experience feel enhanced. Like, you don't realize how much better it can get until you try it. The biggest game changer for me, background play. I love long, two-hour deep dives. You name it, motorcycles, travel, cars.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  Cooking shows for me.

• 16:01Dax Shepard?

  Cooking. Listen, with Premium, you don't have to keep the screen open, so I can lock my phone, slide it into my pocket, and listen to a podcast while I'm folding laundry or working out. It's also completely ad-free, meaning when a narrator is building up to the climax of an insane story, there's zero interruption. And for travel, offline download saves the day. I love this one. Relying on airplane Wi-Fi can be a gamble, so I just download my favorite videos before takeoff. And with smart downloads, Premium will automatically download new videos from channels you actually follow without having to lift a finger. I'm covered if I forget to download a video I want to watch or even if there's no service. And the home run for me is that YouTube Premium remembers exactly where I left off and lets me continue watching on another device from right where I stopped. So I

• 16:46Dax Shepard?

  can start a video on my TV while brushing my teeth and pick it right back up on my phone on my morning walk. So yeah, YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. We get support from Superhuman. I'm someone who wants to do big, meaningful work, but the small stuff eats up my day before I even get to it. The endless emails, docs, scheduling, follow-ups that pile up. By the time all that's cleared, there's no energy left for the ambitious stuff. Most AI tools promise to fix that, but they require opening a new tab, re-explaining everything from scratch every single time. A week later, it's just

• 17:31Dax Shepard?

  another thing collecting dust in the browser. Superhuman, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already embedded inside the tools people are using: email, docs, browser. It's not waiting to be found. It's already there, working alongside, clearing what's in the way, so the focus stays on what's actually worth doing. A thought partner that's already up to speed, no catching it up. It knows the style, the workflows, and it backs people up without getting in the way. At your service, not after your job. That's the difference. Give it a try for yourself. Start streamlining your workflows with Superhuman. Try today at superhuman.com. We get support from Instagram Teen Accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the

• 18:15Dax Shepard?

  world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 18:25Speaker 01

  Which is a fair question.

• 18:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so Instagram has got something called Teen Accounts, and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age-appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.

• 18:53Speaker 01

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 18:54Dax Shepard?

  Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on, and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age-appropriate experiences for teens.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with Teen Accounts.

• 19:13Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about Teen Accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that, too.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop, cold water every morning before anything else.

• 19:51Dax Shepard?

  AG1 Next Gen has 75-plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, pre- and probiotics, superfoods, backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials. Key nutrient levels improved with three months of consistent use.

• 20:05Speaker 01

  That's the part people miss. It's not a one-day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.

• 20:09Dax Shepard?

  It's an easy, everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine, and I'm gonna tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know, mm, I'm gonna get that little vitamin buzz.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  Well, that's also the thing. When you do it first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.

• 20:27Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Go to drinkag1.com/dax and for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/dax. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Experts sent you.

• 20:59Speaker 03

  We all of a sudden hear our names over the intercom, like you need to board this plane right now. So we get there, the chaperone's standing, arms crossed, fingers pointing, you know, like, we were gonna leave you. And I was thinking, no.

• 21:13Dax Shepard?

  Quickly, had you ditched a wine bottle in the bathroom, or is it on your person?

• 21:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's gone. It was too big. So we get on the plane, we take off, and I just feel something in my stomach.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Uh oh.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  And I hold my hand over, I am in a window seat, and I bolt to the bathroom and just throw up.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 21:33Dax Shepard?

  Too much Chianti too fast.

• 21:35Speaker 01

  Chianti.

• 21:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was way too, there was no pacing in the bathroom moment. And so I go back to my seat, and I'm still not feeling well. So I grab a barf bag, you know, the one they give you in front. And my partner in crime had to grab her barf bag.

• 21:54Speaker 01

  Okay, so both of you are falling apart.

• 21:56Dax Shepard?

  The complimentary barf bag.

• 21:57Speaker 03

  Mm hmm. And the person next to her, who had nothing to do with the situation, also had to use their barf bag.

• 22:05Dax Shepard?

  Oh, so all three of you are yakking in one row.

• 22:09Speaker 01

  Is it because of the contagion effect? Like, because you were...

• 22:12Dax Shepard?

  Will you smell it?

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:13Speaker 03

  I don't know how it happened. I just know it continued to happen for multiple people.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  What?

• 22:22Dax Shepard?

  You started a vomit wave, like, at an arena.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Oh my, or was there bad food?

• 22:28Speaker 03

  Let's keep going.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 22:29Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  There's vomit, there are the beepers for more bags. It is getting...

• 22:35Speaker 01

  This is horrifying.

• 22:36Speaker 03

  Smelly and messy. It's getting bad.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 22:41Dax Shepard?

  Pandemonium at thirty thousand feet.

• 22:43Speaker 01

  Like, people aren't making it into their bags?

• 22:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, filling them up.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  They get on the intercom and ask us if we could share barf bags. No, they did.

• 22:55Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 22:56Dax Shepard?

  Share. I mean, guys, this is just gonna accelerate the barfing. There's no way if you hand me a half-bag full of barf, I'm not gonna barf.

• 23:04Speaker 03

  So, this is also 1992, when they gave you pillows and pillowcases. So they were ripping the pillowcases off the pillows and also using those.

• 23:16Dax Shepard?

  Okay, can you estimate how many active barfers there were?

• 23:20Speaker 03

  Everyone around me was throwing up. And the news articles later said there were, like, forty.

• 23:27Speaker 01

  No, no, no. Oh my god.

• 23:33Speaker 03

  There started to be talk of an emergency landing in Greenland.

• 23:39Speaker 03

  They're running out of containers suitable for vomit. We decide to power through, and we land in Seattle. I look out the window, and it is total chaos. There are fire trucks, ambulances, news cameras, and a giant blue tarp. The whole community is out to see what is coming into Seattle.

• 24:02Dax Shepard?

  Well, they gotta wonder if you're bringing in some pathogen at this point.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Exactly. From another country, for sure. Everyone's hazmatted.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  So they don't let any of us out of the plane. They let us all go down the, like, ramp, the, like, ladder ramp.

• 24:19Dax Shepard?

  Janeway, yeah.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  And I was on the news, being wheeled out of the airplane on this ladder. And they put us all on a tarp. This youth orchestra, like, they had counted how many kids, you know, you're in a large group, there was, like, seventy of us. They're constantly like, do we have everyone? Do you have your group? So we're all spread out on a blue tarp, and they, for identification purposes, they write numbers on our forehead with Sharpies.

• 24:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh my gosh.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  So they can decide, you number seven, you number three, you're going to Seattle West.

• 24:57Dax Shepard?

  They're triaging you.

• 24:58Speaker 03

  Yeah. So I end up in an ambulance with another barfer. And we end up at some St. Francis, St. Anne, some hospital. They give me an IV, I'm in the room getting checked out, and I see on the news the exact scene of me being very... It's not a good angle.

• 25:20Dax Shepard?

  Okay, uh huh.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  And I have to call my dad and my parents and say, you know, I'm actually in Seattle. And he said, I know, we saw the news. So they don't find anything out, you know, they just let us go. So these musicians that have been together, that have been headcounted a gazillion times, are now spread out over Seattle. And now we're all trickling back into the Seattle airport, because our final destination is Portland.

• 25:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh my god, they're gonna put you on another flight.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Jesus.

• 25:46Dax Shepard?

  By the way, at this point, let's drive to Portland. We're talking three hours.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  So I go home.

• 25:51Dax Shepard?

  No issues on that flight, though, down to Portland, knowing yaks again?

• 25:55Speaker 03

  I am solid.

• 25:56Speaker 01

  And everyone is. Everyone's back to being good.

• 25:59Speaker 03

  Well, we're not together anymore. There are various stages of illness, and, you know, whatever hospital, however they wanna handle it. So the hospital I was at put me in a cab, and I just was off to the airport. My dad picks me up, and he was like, what happened? And I said, your guess is as good as mine. Like, I don't know. And for the next three years, it was forever. I was getting surveys, you know, what did you eat? Who did you eat with? All these things.

• 26:29Dax Shepard?

  The expense of this.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  I know.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  Yeah. So they just went in the garbage. They diagnosed us all with food poisoning. However, I know for a fact I did not eat the same food. And I don't know if it was a combination. I just know that I was shitfaced at fifteen on an airplane ride from Copenhagen to Seattle. There was a lot of barfing.

• 26:51Dax Shepard?

  You had kicked off that chain reaction, too.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:56Dax Shepard?

  You were puker zero.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  You were, but there's no, something else was also had. This is a mystery.

• 27:02Dax Shepard?

  I just think if you smell, dude, if two people are puking next to you, you're puking. And then now if the whole row in front of you or behind you is puking and you're smelling it, you're puking.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  For that long? And then some of these people are in the hospital for a long time? Like, this is crazy.

• 27:18Dax Shepard?

  That's a cash grab. They're just trying to get a little...

• 27:20Speaker 01

  I don't, this is wild. Wow. This is, like, just very interesting psychology.

• 27:25Dax Shepard?

  Wow. And how long before you admitted to your parents that you had drank some Chianti?

• 27:31Speaker 03

  Way too soon. Way too soon. The statute of limitations, we were in it. It was three years, and I decided to do it on a family vacation. And my mom, she's not a drinker. She got up and left. She was like, this is insane, not funny. And, because I'm telling it like, ha ha, blah blah. And she was like, no. And my dad was kind of smirking, and you could tell he was trying to hold laughing, but he also had to support my mom. So he was, like, struggling with that balance, like, this is fucking funny. But my wife's gonna kill her. So I need to, you know, maintain the peace.

• 28:06Dax Shepard?

  Dads are often that role, I think.

• 28:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:10Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I love that. What a memorable flight.

• 28:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. Good story.

• 28:16Speaker 03

  I mean, as I get older, I think about it more, because you just think about the ramifications. Like, what happened to that plane? How long was that at the commission?

• 28:23Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  We were just supposed to stop in Seattle and then continue on, like, all the people on there.

• 28:28Dax Shepard?

  You feel bad later. Well, and then the CDC was probably alerted. I mean, people might have flown in from DC to Washington. I guess this was probably like a ten million dollar.

• 28:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a lot. Lots of surveys, lots of different agencies, all really, I think, trying to figure out, who do we point the finger at? Who's responsible?

• 28:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, Erin, this was a delight. Yeah, what a fun story.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  It was so lovely to meet you all.

• 28:53Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  Bye. Have a good day. Bye.

• 28:56Dax Shepard?

  Bye. Ben, can you hear us?

• 29:00Speaker 04

  I can. So the story takes place in Virginia. So I grew up in northern Virginia.

• 29:05Dax Shepard?

  Are you in the DC area?

• 29:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, so it's very different now than it was then. My grandfather worked at the Pentagon, so they lived in Springfield. And then my mom eventually moved further out to the sticks at the time. And now it is super developed and super data center driven. Loudoun County is the data center hub of the country, I guess. And that's where the story takes place. But at the time, it was just like small town. Takes place in 1999. I was in eighth grade, started off really when I was in sixth grade. And it was like first crush, middle school, first time, like, having a friend that I, like, talked to all the time, pass notes and just, like, had nicknames for each other. Also, kind of like, future alert for listeners that there is some self-harm talk. But things

• 29:49Speaker 04

  are okay, person is okay. We met sixth grade, and we're super tight and best friends. I always wanted to be like boyfriend-girlfriend. And she was like, no, we're just, we're just friends. I was like, okay.

• 29:59Dax Shepard?

  I'll take what I can get.

• 30:00Speaker 04

  Good enough for me. And she played guitar. I learned guitar because of her. We'd play, like, Blackbird from the Beatles and things like that. But had a lot of issues. She was a twin, and her and her twin would fight all the time, always competitive. And she would have, like, dramatic episodes and run away from home and 2:00 AM call my house, because we didn't have cell phones. It was 1998, 1999. You know, I'd have to wake up my mom and be like, my friend's at the park, can we go pick her up? And so, like, my mom had a rapport with her parents, and just kind of understood a little bit of the pressure and mental health issues. My mom's also a nurse, and so she could see the bigger picture

• 30:40Speaker 04

  of things and was helpful during that time. Cut to eighth grade, school had just started. It was October, first period. My friend hands me a note, and she had had some cry-for-help situations before, taken too many pills, or just dramatically talking about hurting herself. And in this note, it describes that she was done with the school year, couldn't do it anymore. Her parents had sent her away before to, like, a, you know, some sort of mental situation where she'd be getting diagnosed or taken care of at that time. I'm not sure of the details, but she says she was tired of that, and they wouldn't actually acknowledge that she had issues. She said she was gonna take her life and had a paring knife with her.

• 31:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh my goodness.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  I was in my first period class as biology, and I asked if I could use the restroom. I walked around, tried to find her, found her in the library area, and she had her binder out in front of her. And I just didn't even say anything. I looked, and I pointed down at the binder, and she, like, looked away. And I said, in here? And she kind of nodded, took the binder, went and threw it in my locker, and went to my class, went about my day. And end of the day, the dean knocks on the door, which is odd, because normally they would just page through the speaker. They'd say, oh, can you send Ben down to class? So no, the dean showed up and asked if I could go with her and walked down the hall. And we're walking. And I was like, am I in trouble? And she's like, I hope not. And I was like, oh, this is not good. And so we get to her office, and she

• 32:05Speaker 04

  said, I hear that you are under possession of a weapon. And I said, potentially, I don't know for sure. I have a friend that has mental health issues and there's been cry for help situations in the past, but I want to take it seriously. Tell her she can talk to my friend's mom and continue the conversation. If nothing's in there, fine. But the dean said, okay, go get the binder. So I went by myself, got the binder from my locker, brought it to the dean. She opened it. Lo and behold, there's a knife in the binder. It was post Columbine. So there was a lot of zero tolerance stuff going on. So immediately suspended for 10 days.

• 32:39Dax Shepard?

  You?

• 32:40Speaker 04

  Yes, immediately. No question.

• 32:42Dax Shepard?

  Really quick, was it not obvious it was her binder?

• 32:45Speaker 04

  It was very obvious. Her twin sister was the one that told on us. Her sister and her had a fight earlier that day. She would actually competitively try to set me up with her friends to make my friend jealous, or even one time like, you know, we should just date and just make her jealous. It was that kind of thing.

• 33:00Dax Shepard?

  Not a healthy vibe.

• 33:01Speaker 04

  No. And so she actually was the one that somehow gotten it to the administration that my friend had this knife and it may have gotten passed off to me. I also had the note that had all the information in there about how she was feeling. So they sent her home on the bus. They called her mom into school. And so they sent a potentially suicidal girl home. I had to stay there and my mom was like, what are you doing? Somebody needs to be with her. A few days later, because of the pressure of all this, did try to commit suicide. She was on the phone with one of my friends at the time. He put his mom on the phone. She called nine one one. Ambulance shows up. Parents are downstairs cooking dinner and they're like, no, everything's fine. She's fine. We don't need to do a check. And then

• 33:45Speaker 04

  they go upstairs and lo and behold, she had tried. And so ended up getting taken to psychiatric help there and then eventually going to a private school from what I heard. But for me, I got immediately 10 day suspension turned into expulsion because zero tolerance laws.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  What the?

• 34:01Dax Shepard?

  This is crazy.

• 34:10Dax Shepard?

  This episode is supported by Dell. Ready to upgrade your PC? The Dell Top Tech Event is here and you can skip the research because independent tech experts already did it. Dell has laptops, desktops and monitors that have been tested, reviewed and named a winner by the publishers you trust. So instead of spending hours researching, you get a shortlist that's already proven. Take the Dell XPS 13 laptop, built for those who want better. Whether you're studying, working, or just getting things done, its thin and light design makes it easy to take anywhere. It has a touchscreen you'll love using, a battery built

• 34:51Dax Shepard?

  to last through your busiest days, and impressive performance powered by Intel Core processors. That's the thing about the Dell Top Tech Event. The experts already found the winners. All that's left is finding yours. While shopping, you'll also find perks like Dell Rewards, fast free shipping, premium support and financing with flexible payment options. Shop the winners now at dell.com/deals. That's dell.com/deals.

• 35:23Dax Shepard?

  This episode is supported by Helix.

• 35:27Speaker 01

  Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit, hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside. The dream.

• 35:37Dax Shepard?

  That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  I know. And thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix Sleep Quiz and within two minutes, they matched me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology, which I really

• 35:58Dax Shepard?

  Increasingly so.

• 35:59Speaker 01

  I need it. I have to have it. And I heard that you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp for optimal sleep. It's very, very helpful.

• 36:09Dax Shepard?

  She is not wrong. I have one too. And it's been such a game changer for sleep. And I love that they make it so easy. Free shipping right to your door. And with their happy with Helix guarantee, you'll get a full 365 nights to try it. A whole year to live in that cozy. They've got over 20 mattress models. So no matter how you sleep, they've got one for you.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  And it's not just us saying it. Helix has been named the most awarded mattress brand by Forbes, Wired and more. You got to try it for yourself.

• 36:36Dax Shepard?

  Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. helixsleep.com/armchair. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skillset, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours. But at some point, you're ready to

• 37:17Dax Shepard?

  put it out there and that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go from, I've been working on this to here it is, come find me. All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to squarespace.com/dax for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 38:02Speaker 04

  So my mom immediately was trying to figure out what to do. And we got connected with what turned out to be a crazy conservative group later, but early on, they were very much just a civil liberties type of group called the Rutherford Institute. And they took on our case and it went all the way up to the Fourth Court of Appeals in Alexandria, Virginia, which is one underneath the Supreme Court.

• 38:26Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 38:27Speaker 04

  During that timeframe though, there was such a backlash. There were teachers that wanted me back in school. There were 37 teachers that signed a petition that I should not be allowed back in school.

• 38:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh my.

• 38:40Speaker 04

  It was crazy. So that was Octoberish and they turned it from an expulsion because of the backlash to a long-term suspension. That was the secondary option. And the school board deemed that would be adequate. So from October until January 25th, I was out of school on my own. My mom had to go to the school and pick up my school papers and bring it home for me to do my schoolwork. And so through all of that, the news picked up on it. I was on 2020. I was on Dateline.

• 39:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh my gosh.

• 39:14Speaker 04

  ABC World News.

• 39:15Dax Shepard?

  Can I look at the photos now?

• 39:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, yes. John Stossel gives me a break and then we actually recorded in the same studio.

• 39:21Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Connie Chung. Come on, heavy fucking hitters.

• 39:25Speaker 04

  She was finishing an interview and we were getting ready with ours and we had lunch together in between.

• 39:30Dax Shepard?

  Oh my goodness.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  She was so nice.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 39:34Speaker 04

  The news pieces, it's like Ben's a 13 year old student. You visit the local library alone, goes to the local diner alone. Like all this stuff. And they're like, why isn't this student in school? And then one of the pictures I wanted to send was Barbara Walters was introducing the story. Has zero tolerance gone too far?

• 39:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh wow.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  It ends up, if you Google it, is one of the most cited cases for

• 39:59Dax Shepard?

  The zero tolerance policies?

• 40:00Speaker 04

  Zero tolerance, yeah.

• 40:02Dax Shepard?

  Wowzers. And they got a great photo of you looking especially studious.

• 40:06Speaker 04

  I'm at the library trying to teach myself Spanish.

• 40:10Dax Shepard?

  Teach yourself.

• 40:11Speaker 04

  My Spanish teacher actually was really supportive. Whenever I went back to school, I had a teacher, it was somebody's birthday and I had birthday cake and they cut the cake and they're like, oh, it better not have a knife near Ben. And I was like, what the hell? So definitely had to deal with that kind of stuff going back. Eventually we moved and that's why I live in Ohio now. We moved to Western Pennsylvania. I actually put two prompts in for this. One is for East Palestine. So that's where we had the train derailment. I was on the news a lot for that.

• 40:35Dax Shepard?

  Oh wow.

• 40:36Speaker 04

  That was way more, way more recent.

• 40:38Dax Shepard?

  I wanted to save this picture for last because this is clearly your beautiful family.

• 40:41Speaker 04

  I wanted to make sure that was one of the pictures.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Oh, beautiful.

• 40:45Dax Shepard?

  Congrats.

• 40:47Speaker 04

  All their initials are the name of our business. So we have Lily, Isabel, Brody and Simon.

• 40:52Dax Shepard?

  What's the name of your coffee shop?

• 40:53Speaker 04

  Libs Market. We're in Salem, Ohio. We're getting ready to open another one in East Palestine. It's part of the redevelopment after the derailment is we need a town cafe we don't have. And our business has grown to the point where I need a larger coffee roaster and a roastery. And so we're going to put that closer to where I live. And so this whole situation in eighth grade, from talking to my therapist, we talked about the community that was lost. And now our whole mission, when we started in 2015, is creating community through coffee. And so she kind of was the one that helped me draw the parallel. She was like, you're creating the things that you were lacking or wanting. It was just a crazy situation. I know people, administration were doing the best they could, but it was a bureaucratic nightmare.

• 41:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Congrats on your beautiful family. It's very nice to meet you, Ben.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  Thank you. Have a great day.

• 41:40Dax Shepard?

  Take care. Bye.

• 41:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh my gosh, we did it.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Oh, you guys.

• 41:48Speaker 05

  But I won't be able to record on quick time like the rules say.

• 41:51Dax Shepard?

  Well, we're gonna have to break the rules today, Lydia. Are you an outdoors woman? Are you a camper?

• 41:57Speaker 05

  No, but these are my children's sleeping bags for when we all go camping. I'm at work, so y'all are gonna think I'm crazy too because I messed up and thought I was supposed to meet you guys at 2:40 my time, not your time.

• 42:09Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 42:10Speaker 05

  I like moved patients around.

• 42:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  Oh, my gosh.

• 42:16Dax Shepard?

  Okay, are you a nurse?

• 42:18Speaker 05

  No, I'm a dental hygienist.

• 42:19Dax Shepard?

  Dental hygienist. How's your body? I hear that's incredibly hard on your body.

• 42:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, I lift weights and try to keep healthy and strong and stuff. But yes, you're right. It's really hard, especially when your neck and back.

• 42:30Dax Shepard?

  I met a hygienist who had a couple ribs removed.

• 42:32Speaker 01

  Oh, what?

• 42:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 42:35Speaker 05

  That sounds a little intense. I don't think I'd do that.

• 42:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, lift weights is probably a better option.

• 42:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think so. I think so.

• 42:42Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so Lydia, how did you end up on the news?

• 42:44Speaker 05

  The story starts in 2005. I had worked at a local restaurant, a commercial style restaurant. You guys have them in all the cities. I had worked there for many years. I had decided to leave there and go to a more finer dining establishment, which was better hours, better pay, all the good stuff. And it was a Friday night and me and one of my friends were like, you know, we're off. Let's go. Let's go see our old friends who still work there and maybe rub it in their face a little that we were already off. Later you'll find out that karma will smack you in the face if you're not careful.

• 43:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, she's vindictive karma.

• 43:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's right. So we're sitting there, we order a beer, waiting for some wings. And all of a sudden, oh, I should tell you guys that it was a Friday night. It was a rival football game night. So the big football teams in the area for high school had just had their huge game. Those nights were always really busy at that restaurant. So we knew what to expect. It didn't bother us at all. So we're sitting there, we're waiting for our beer. And then all of a sudden, we hear fireworks and, you know, people start running inside and it's a little crazy. And I kind of get up out of my booth and I turn towards the window and I'm trying to tell everybody, just chill out. It's just fireworks. It's fine. And all of a sudden I am on the ground.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  No.

• 44:01Speaker 05

  My teeth had carpet in them, like on the ground so, so hard. And my friend's under the table and she's like, Lydia, those are gunshots. Get under the table. And then all of a sudden, I feel release from my arm.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  No.

• 44:15Speaker 05

  And I look down and I'm covered in blood.

• 44:19Dax Shepard?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're, you're, you're at one of our neighborhood favorite national restaurants. You are ordering a beer, then you hear fireworks. You're about to say, calm down, and then you hit the deck and now you realize you have been shot.

• 44:32Speaker 05

  I have been shot, yes, in my arm.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 44:36Speaker 05

  Crazy, crazy, crazy. So my friend tries to help me up. At that point, I don't know what my body was doing, but it wasn't wanting to walk, that's for sure. So I'm taking a few steps. I'm kind of falling to the ground. I'm taking a few steps. I'm falling to the ground. She gets me to the back of the restaurant because we knew that there were no windows or anything back there. And a young woman runs to the back and she tells me she is in nursing school. Thank God for nurses. And she proceeds to take off her belt or someone else's belt. I can't quite remember that detail, but she wraps it around my arm. She stops the blood flow, which was incredibly important because once they took me to the hospital, they found out that my brachial artery had been severed.

• 45:18Speaker 05

  So that's the artery that like, you know, runs your whole arm. And then of course, you know, you can bleed out really easily.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 45:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was pretty crazy. Yeah, so.

• 45:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so that's that. No, that's not that. Okay, so they take you to the hospital.

• 45:35Speaker 05

  They take me to the hospital. They had to transfer me to a bigger hospital up here in Greenville. They just were better equipped for the kind of surgery I was gonna have to have. They had to take artery from my leg to replace the one of my arms. So I have crazy scars all over my body.

• 45:51Dax Shepard?

  And it works. I think that is magic. The fact that they can transfer parts of your artery.

• 45:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's pretty crazy. It's incredible. The healing process was intense because it had broken my humerus as well. So the bullet went into my arm and hit my bone, basically. And then the bullet itself kind of like shattered because I guess it had gone through a window before it hit me. So I had like bunches of pieces of bullet in my arm too. So they had to like remove some of that as well. But during the healing process, my arm was black and blue and purple and green and all sorts of crazy colors. But at the time I was living with my husband, we weren't married yet. And he was taking such good care of me. He had to shave my nasty black arm and, you know, take care of my bullet hole and pack it and all sorts of gross stuff.

• 46:38Dax Shepard?

  Bullet hole.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  How old were you?

• 46:41Speaker 05

  I was 22.

• 46:42Dax Shepard?

  You've got an incredible attitude about this. Did you find out what the fuck had happened in the parking lot?

• 46:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, unfortunately, it was some sort of stupid gang thing, which is crazy because we live in a relatively small town. So like when I'm talking to the police about all this, I was like, gangs? We do not have gangs. And they were like, no, there's gangs everywhere. It doesn't matter where you live, apparently. But I was at the wrong place at the wrong time, I guess.

• 47:07Dax Shepard?

  Did anyone else get shot? Or were you the only person in the restaurant?

• 47:10Speaker 05

  No, I was really the only person who got injured. But I mean, I think it was like over 40 shots were fired and very, very lucky that no one else got hurt.

• 47:20Dax Shepard?

  It feels impossible. Arrests were made, I imagine?

• 47:24Speaker 05

  Yes, there was like five different people that were arrested. And I didn't go to any of that stuff because I was, you know, just trying to be on the mend a little. I had just started dental hygiene school and so my professors were like, you can just defer for a year. And I was like, oh, no, I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna keep going. So I learned how to clean people's teeth with my left hand.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 47:44Speaker 05

  But don't worry, everybody. I clean with my right hand now. Nobody wants me doing that with my left hand.

• 47:49Dax Shepard?

  We're so worried.

• 47:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:50Dax Shepard?

  When did the news come in? Do they arrive at the hospital? When do you interface with the news?

• 47:55Speaker 05

  That's a good question. I don't really remember all that. I sent you guys some pictures.

• 48:00Dax Shepard?

  Let's look.

• 48:00Speaker 05

  It was a huge story, obviously, in our small little town.

• 48:04Dax Shepard?

  Shooting Rattles Restaurant. One injured at popular post-game hangout. Okay, that's one. Oh, sure, I'm seeing little shards of everything around your humerus here.

• 48:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 48:18Dax Shepard?

  Ooh, okay, so it was a lower, lower humerus, right above your elbow, huh?

• 48:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, right above my elbow. I have a little scar back, well, a pretty large scar. That's kind of the opening where it went in.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  This was in 2005?

• 48:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, 2005.

• 48:33Speaker 01

  I would have been, I'm surprised I didn't.

• 48:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm not, we're about an hour and a half away from Atlanta.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  I would have been in college and this was a college I'm reading.

• 48:44Dax Shepard?

  Football game?

• 48:44Speaker 01

  The college.

• 48:46Dax Shepard?

  Is it your college?

• 48:49Speaker 01

  No, but in the realm.

• 48:51Dax Shepard?

  The bullet hole is cute. I can see why your husband wanted to treat it.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. This is so.

• 48:57Speaker 05

  Picture you guys have is actually, so this past year, they had to leave a piece of bullet in there because it was too close to something they were trying to fix. They were like, one day it'll work its way out. Well, it's been in there for 20 years. I could see the little black dot basically on my arm. And this year it's decided to want to start coming out.

• 49:16Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 49:20Speaker 01

  It's making its way out.

• 49:22Dax Shepard?

  You know what I would have done?

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, we know.

• 49:24Dax Shepard?

  I would have got some tweezers out.

• 49:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, I work in the dental field. We numb that bad boy up and tried to pull it out and it did not come out.

• 49:30Dax Shepard?

  They want it to come out.

• 49:31Speaker 05

  No, I had to go to the dermatologist. They had to cut it out. It's like my tissue had kind of grown all around it.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  But they were able to get it out at the derm?

• 49:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:39Dax Shepard?

  With a Hi-Factor 2000?

• 49:40Speaker 05

  No.

• 49:41Dax Shepard?

  No, probably not. Um, did you get to keep the little bit of bullet?

• 49:45Speaker 05

  I kept it, but it was really gross. So I ended up throwing it away.

• 49:48Dax Shepard?

  You should have sent it to me or David Sedaris.

• 49:51Speaker 05

  Well, that's what I was gonna tell you. I hate to throw it away. I could have mailed it to him. He could have fed it to a squirrel or something.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 50:01Speaker 05

  Monica, I gotta tell you, your dad or the sim or something was in my favor that night or an angel or God or whatever you believe because had I been still sitting in the booth, the bullet would have gone into like this area, like my neck or upper chest region. So because I thought it was fireworks, I guess that saved my life.

• 50:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:23Dax Shepard?

  It's the hillbilly gene that I also have. If there's fireworks, I'm gonna jump up and take a look out the window and then tell everyone else to stay calm.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  I do love a firework.

• 50:33Dax Shepard?

  Lydia, you're a major party. Your husband's so lucky.

• 50:37Speaker 05

  Well, thank you.

• 50:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Thank you so much for calling in and listening to us. I feel flattered.

• 50:42Dax Shepard?

  I do too. Also, it's the most fun I've ever heard about someone getting shot.

• 50:47Speaker 01

  You do have a great attitude.

• 50:48Speaker 05

  Well, you don't really hear that many stories about that, I guess. But never something I thought I would have to ever say to anyone, obviously.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  Wow. Well, I'm so glad you're okay.

• 50:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Look forward to Malcolm Gladwell. He's coming in. His episode's gonna end up blowing your mind. The notion that this is kind of standard business in our country and we're all just like, oh yeah, people get shot. I mean, I know many people have been shot, which is insane to anywhere else in the world.

• 51:14Speaker 05

  Assault rifles, that's what it was. It was a SKS, which is similar to an AK-47. And it went through a window before it knocked me to the ground. So I'm pretty fortunate there too.

• 51:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's just bonkers. You'd be at a restaurant and you gotta consider, oh yeah, one day I might be at my local national chain restaurant and fucking catch a stray. It's bonkers.

• 51:32Speaker 05

  It is crazy.

• 51:33Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, you're a delight.

• 51:35Speaker 05

  Oh, thank you guys so much for having me. I was so stoked.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  So happy to have you.

• 51:40Dax Shepard?

  All right, be well. Have fun with your girls on Halloween.

• 51:43Speaker 05

  Awesome. You guys are the best. I really appreciate it. Have a wonderful day, okay?

• 51:48Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care.

• 51:49Speaker 05

  All right, thanks. Bye.

• 51:50Dax Shepard?

  Bye.

• 51:52Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 51:53Dax Shepard?

  I love her.

• 51:53Speaker 01

  I wish, I really wish she didn't get shot.

• 51:56Dax Shepard?

  No, but if anyone in the restaurant had to get shot, she was the right person.

• 51:59Speaker 01

  Well, we don't know the other people in the restaurant.

• 52:02Dax Shepard?

  I can't imagine anyone there would have taken it as in stride the way she did.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  Self eject.

• 52:07Dax Shepard?

  I would have been digging in that thing.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  Well, you would have made it so much worse.

• 52:11Dax Shepard?

  But I would have got it. I'm gonna got an infection along the way.

• 52:14Speaker 01

  Exactly. They would have had to amputate your arm after that.

• 52:17Dax Shepard?

  Which I would also do.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  Okay, well, wow. The news.

• 52:23Dax Shepard?

  The news. All right, love you.

• 52:24Speaker 01

  Love you.

• 52:27Dax Shepard?

  Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song. Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our charities, we'll get some suggestions. On the fire, Rhyme Dish. On the fire, Rhyme Dish. Enjoy.