8 Principles of Communication to Improve Your Relationship and Become a Better Problem Solver

“I hear you. I understand that this is difficult for you. What can I do to help?” These are the words we desperately want to hear when things don’t work out in our life. We expect our partners to be there for us, to understand what we are feeling and why we are feeling these emotions. However, some of us don’t get to hear these words. Some of us don’t get the understanding and support we need. Some of us could no longer connect emotionally with the people we love. And this disconnection is putting a strain on our relationships. In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty shares principles for us to be an effective communicator so that our partner, our family, and friends can tap on deepest emotions and so that we can tap into theirs. Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally! Head over to samatea.com/onpurpose to join the tea party! If you invite 10 friends to the giveaway you can get a free mug when you refer 10 friends and purchase Sama ($25+). Key Takeaways: 00:00 Intro 03:30 The number one indicator for a good human life was the quality of our relationships 07:06 Point #1: We haven’t learned to communicate with ourselves 09:57 Point #2: Your self-talk 13:31 Point #3: Let’s experiment 17:10 Point #4: Repeat what other person said, what you heard, and then what you felt 20:21 Point #5: Separate the content from the context 22:45 Point #6: Us and We, not You and Me 24:54 Point #7: Focus on what builds trust 28:43 Point #8: Find time to connect with your partner Achieve success in every area of your life with Jay Shetty’s Genius Community. Join over 10,000 members taking their holistic well-being to the next level today, at https://shetty.cc/OnPurposeGenius Grab a copy of your own Think Like A Monk book. Get the audiobook here: https://amzn.to/2THCYUu See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by Amtrak. You know that feeling when you're already tired and you haven't even gotten there yet? That's where Amtrak comes in. Leave the driving behind and settle into a comfortable seat with plenty of room to stretch out. Catch up on work with wifi, grab a snack at the cafe car, or just sit back and enjoy your favourite podcast.

• 1:30Jay Shetty?

  Choose a cellar or North East Regional and get there without the stress of getting there. Visit amtrak.com to plan your next trip. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a second-hand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process and once something sells, Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part? There are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet,

• 2:12Jay Shetty?

  be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees. So you keep every dollar you earn. When we say things like, just trust me, you can trust me. Do you think anyone's ever trusted you when you say you can trust me? It's kind of like saying, no offence. But you're just about to say something offensive, right? It's kind of like the similar thing. And, and on the other side of two stuff, we, we also ask like, can I trust you? Can I trust you is like saying, can I love you? And saying, oh, just trust me is like saying, just love me. You can just love me. When we throw around words like love and trust, we forget what builds them.

• 2:59Jay Shetty?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you. I love doing these solo episodes for you, with you, because I really feel so lucky that I get to be in your ear twice a week and we get to spend this time together. And I am just waiting for the day that we can do an on purpose tour and we're doing events and I get to meet you all and I get to hug you all. I just cannot wait to be in person with you all and to see what an incredible community we've created during this time. I know so many of you have been listening for two and a half years since we launched. So many of you have been listening for two and a half months. Or maybe you've just been listening for two and a half episodes. Make sure you finish that episode.

• 3:45Jay Shetty?

  I'm just so happy and I want to share some of your incredible, incredible reviews because they make my day. So this one was from Sun. I absolutely loved the episode with Esther Perel. You are both so well spoken and give such amazing advice. I will listen to this episode again and again. I pre-ordered the game for the next run as there is such a gift. Thank you, Jay, for bringing us such amazing guests and teaching us to live with purpose. That was such a beautiful review. Thank you so much. I had to read this one. It says, "This podcast is my happy place." "That means the world to me." "I love, love, love that." "And I'm going to read one more." "This one is from Amy C."

• 4:30Jay Shetty?

  "I just finished the Will Smith episode." "Wow, so many great nuggets to live by." "One thing that really stuck out to me." "One of you mentioned writing a letter to someone that had passed "that you didn't get a chance to settle with." "My dad died last year and it was an up and down relationship my entire life." "This is something I need to do as the next step in my healing process." "So, thank you for the work you're doing and sharing with all of us." "It's very impactful." "I just want to say that it's reviews like that "that make me realize how special all of you are." "The fact that you can be that open in a review, you can be that vulnerable, "you can share your story." "I just want to take a moment to acknowledge that, "recognize that and send lots of love your way, Amy C."

• 5:15Jay Shetty?

  "So, today's theme is all about communication "and all about relationships." "This is such a big area of our lives." "We can't talk about it enough." "We have to address it." "And I started looking at some statistics "to just help me realize how big a deal this was "and how we don't give it as much importance as it deserves." "So, think about this for a moment." "A few years ago, I interviewed Dr. Robert Waldinger on the podcast." "If you've not heard it, highly recommend it." "He's a Harvard professor." "And he completed the 75-year study "on human happiness at Harvard." "And they found that the number one indicator

• 5:59Jay Shetty?

  "for a good human life, "for a good human experience "was the quality of our relationships." "And we all know that the quality of our relationships "is based on the quality of our communication." "When we hear the words, 'You had me at hello.'" Right, it's the communication from the start to the end. Or, "I couldn't trust you the first time, how am I going to trust you next time?" "This will be the last time I ever say this to you." From the first to the last moment, communication is absolutely everything. And studies show we spend about eighty percent of our days communicating.

• 6:44Jay Shetty?

  We say over fifteen thousand words on average per day. Think about that for a moment. Out of the fifteen thousand words you say, and you know who you are if you're bringing up that average, you know exactly who you are. And if you're not laughing, that's you. That idea of how many of those words are thoughtful? How many of those words are conscious? How many of those words are intentional? And how many of them are just reactions and responses to how we're feeling or how someone makes us feel? Now, what's incredible is that communication problems, from a study that I was researching, says it's the most common factor that leads to divorce.

• 7:28Jay Shetty?

  At sixty-five percent. This was followed, studies say, by a couple's inability to resolve issues at forty-three percent. Right? And I'm reading this from the Masseya Meditation Group where I saw this study. Now, the causes of communication breakdown were blame, complaining, and that's about seventy percent of men, followed by a lack of sufficient appreciation from their spouses at sixty-five percent. So we can see that the biggest issues are nagging and complaining, dealing with too much of that, that's draining, and then a lack of appreciation.

• 8:08Jay Shetty?

  So what that says to me is we're spending more time complaining to our spouses than appreciating our spouses, our partners, our girlfriends, boyfriends, whoever we're with. We spend more time telling them our issues than we do their good qualities.

• 8:26Jay Shetty?

  Now, lack of validation for feelings and opinions was number one with women at eighty-three percent, followed by fifty-six percent who said their partner talks about themselves too much. So it's really interesting, right? We're saying, "I feel a lack of validation, but I'm not choosing to validate your feelings either because you talk too much." It's incredible, isn't it? We want to be heard, but we don't take time to hear. And the other person wants us to listen, but we want to be listened to at the same time.

• 9:04Jay Shetty?

  The incredible thing is that we all understand this, but we are struggling to truly, truly create an environment where people can connect. So what I want to share with you today are principles of communicating that will drastically improve your relationship. And I want to start with something that might be counterintuitive, but it's true, is that the reason we struggle to communicate with anyone else is because we haven't learned to communicate with ourselves. Think about that for a moment. The reason we struggle to communicate with anyone else is because we haven't learned to communicate with ourself.

• 9:48Jay Shetty?

  When you learn to communicate with yourself and speak to yourself effectively and understand yourself effectively, you have the opportunity to connect with someone in a deeper way. Now, I know you're all thinking, "Jay, I do not want to talk to myself. That's not what I came here for." Hear me out. You would never cancel an important meeting with someone else, but you never even schedule one with yourself. When we learn to communicate with ourself, what we're learning is how we like to be talked to. We're learning what we need. We're learning how to get to know someone, and that we can then apply to someone else. So what I want you all to do is open up your calendars.

• 10:32Jay Shetty?

  Don't get distracted now. Don't get carried away. Don't start opening up any other apps, but go to your calendar. And tomorrow, I want you to put five minutes. At the start of the day and five minutes at the end of the day for yourself. This is going to be you time and I want you to schedule it to be just three minutes. Three minutes, that's 180 seconds at the beginning of day and the end of the day. I want you to sit at your table where you work from or wherever you are at the beginning of that day, just before you start it officially. I want you to put a three-minute timer on your phone.

• 11:14Jay Shetty?

  I want you to close your eyes and I want you to ask yourself this question. What is the one thing I need to do today to make today a great day?

• 11:26Jay Shetty?

  And at the end of the day, I want you to check in with yourself by placing three minutes on the timer again and asking the question, how am I feeling? What do I need this evening? If you can start doing that, that is you communicating with yourself. You're learning to be empathetic. You're learning to be understanding. You're learning to validate your own feelings. You're learning to appreciate what it is that you're truly looking for. All the things that you want from someone else, you're starting to do them for yourself. What does that mean? It's not a get out of jail free card or that you don't want them to do it anymore.

• 12:10Jay Shetty?

  It's that you realize that you're already full. You're already full so that someone else can come and enhance your life, not complete it.

• 12:21Jay Shetty?

  Think about that. The next principle that I want to share with you about improving your communication is yourself talk. Now, one of my favorite studies. Also by Harvard is something I call the emotional vocabulary. I believe Harvard call it the emotions list. And the idea is that each and every one of us uses a very limited emotional vocabulary. Let me give you an example. There are five words we use and overuse and over say again and again and again. They are good, bad, okay, fine, hmm, right? You can relate. Hey, how's your day going? Good. How's your week been? Bad. How are you feeling?

• 13:06Jay Shetty?

  Hmm, right? It's really common for us to respond in that way. We have a very limited emotional vocabulary. Now, what happens with that is when someone asks you how you're doing and you say good or you say bad, you give them very little to connect on. I bumped into a wonderful friend that I hadn't seen for a while yesterday. A wonderful human. And I asked him, I said, hey, it seems like you're having a lot of fun. And I was responding to what I'd seen on social media and what I got from his energy last night. But then he opened up and told me that he was going through a really tough breakup. And I honored him. I appreciated him.

• 13:51Jay Shetty?

  I acknowledged him for sharing that with me because it took so much courage and vulnerability. It would have been so easy for him to say, yeah, Jay, I'm having a great time. Things are awesome. Or he could have been saying, yeah, they're fine. Now, he didn't have to tell me. And you don't have to tell anyone, but you have to tell someone. And remember that just because you don't want to tell everyone doesn't mean you don't have to tell someone. Authenticity does not mean you tell everyone. Authenticity means you tell the right one. Who are you sharing that with? But first, diagnose yourself.

• 14:28Jay Shetty?

  First, take a moment to look at all these other words. So when you look at the Harvard emotional list, you'll see that we use words like "bad", but does that mean you're irritated, frustrated, sad, upset? When you say you're good, are you elated? Are you celebrating? Are you joyful? Are you at peace? When we get more specific about diagnosing how we feel, we can help others understand. So now, when we look back at that statistic, saying that people felt that their feelings and opinions were not validated, and that's 83%, we start realizing, well, maybe if we validated our feelings in advance and we were sure of them, we could now communicate them better to other people.

• 15:11Jay Shetty?

  Now, instead of just sharing a complaint, we could truly say, hey, this is what I've been dealing with, and this is what I'm struggling with, rather than just lashing out and nagging and complaining about so many other things. And you may say, well, if someone loves me, they should be able to deal with that. Sure, you could be right, but don't you want to help the person you love? Because they love you, they should help you in any condition. But because you love them, you should be able to share it in a better condition. Because you love them, you want to help them help you. Because you love them, you want to share it in a way that is more appropriate. So think about that, about how you can go through your own filtration process to get yourself there.

• 15:57Jay Shetty?

  Point number three. I do this thing that I really enjoy with my clients, which I call the experiment. As soon as I say, "Let's experiment", they know I'm going to say something hypothetical, which doesn't have to be true, which doesn't have to be forced, which doesn't have to be a real outcome. And I enjoy communicating in this way. So I may say to Radhi sometimes, "Let's experiment. What if I want to go and live in Miami for the rest of the year?" And the whole point is to entertain the idea without the judgment of reality. So what would be the pros? What would be fun about it? What would we enjoy about it? What would be negative about it? What can't we do about it?

• 16:43Jay Shetty?

  And when you do it in that way, you allow yourself to have the fun you want in a relationship without the communication issues of feeling shut down, feeling closed off, feeling like the person doesn't care when you shared an amazing idea. You were like, "Oh, I want to go and do this for the rest of the year." And the person goes, "No, but we can't do that. I'm too busy." I used to do this all the time. I was shut down with Radhi because I had a busy schedule, not realising that if we experimented with an idea, we can make a plan for the future. She could go early, I could come later. Maybe we just do a weekend. Maybe we plan it for next year. There's so many opportunities. When you just say, "Let's experiment. Let's try that. Let's give it a go," rather than always making things confined.

• 17:26Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Orange Theory Fitness. One of the best investments you can make is in your own strength. The choices you make today can help shape how you feel for years to come. Orange Theory Fitness provides a one-hour workout to build strength, burn fat, and build muscle, with an expert coach guiding you every step of the way. Head to orangestory.com/onpurpose to learn more and get your first class free. Orange Theory Fitness, helping people live longer, more vibrant lives. Terms and conditions apply. See webpage and studio for details.

• 18:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed Sponsored Jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications, or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job

• 18:39Jay Shetty?

  credit at indeed.com/podcast. That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. The best habits are the ones we hardly notice, the ones that quietly shape the way we move through life, giving us the confidence to focus on what really matters. That's Mazda's approach to safety. Every Mazda is designed with proactive safety features that help keep you more aware, more connected, and more engaged with your drive, so you can stay present behind the wheel. That commitment has earned Mazda recognition as Consumer Reports' safest new car brand. And as of July 2026, Mazda has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick

• 19:24Jay Shetty?

  Plus awards than any other car brand. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot can happen when an accident doesn't. Mazda, more of what matters to you. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. So that communication technique has been huge for me with anyone and everyone, because it allows you to entertain a thought. That's what an experiment for me is. It allows you to entertain a thought without the judgment that comes with the reality of it. And then you can ground it in reality after you've experienced the excitement. Often, our biggest issue

• 20:05Jay Shetty?

  is when someone doesn't experience the excitement we do. And I have a really inconvenient truth to share. No one can. We can't really experience someone else's experience, even if we had the same external experience. Two people could go kayaking. I just went kayaking, that's what I thought of that. But two people could go kayaking in the most beautiful location and have two completely different experiences. So when we share something exciting with our partners, when we share something interesting with them, don't be disheartened if they're not as excited as you,

• 20:49Jay Shetty?

  because they can't be as excited about the experience. They can be excited for you. But they can't be as excited as you. And that has really helped me in my life. Where I started to realize that the people that love me could be excited for me, but they couldn't be as excited as me. And that allowed me to not judge them or think they had ulterior motives, or think that they were envious or jealous. All the things that our mind makes up, and maybe some of which is true. But it helped me realize that. No one can be excited about my life as I am, and that's fine. But maybe they can be excited for me, and that's beautiful. So that's the experiment that I wanted to share. Now, the next principle, number four,

• 21:33Jay Shetty?

  that I'm going to share with you is something that is repeated in therapy and coaching for years. But I have to say it again because I don't see people practicing it. And I catch myself forgetting to practice it. Repeat what the other person said, and repeat what you heard, and repeat what you felt. First, repeat what they said so that they know that you actually listened. Then what you heard, and then what you felt. We respond in the opposite order. We say what we feel first, right? And we then don't even get to anything else. We say, "Oh yeah, but you said this," right? And so we go into feeling first, then said, and then we think about what we heard, where it's actually,

• 22:17Jay Shetty?

  what did they say? What did you hear? And how did it make you feel? So, let me give you an example. If someone says, "I think that we should go to New York next week." I'll be like, "Yeah, easy for you to say. You haven't got a busy schedule like mine," right? Notice how that's a feeling? It's not actually responding to what has been asked, or the proposal. It's responding with a feeling. That's not ideal, because now you're responding with your feeling. Now you've changed the conversation. The person goes, "Oh, I didn't mean that. I'm just really excited about going to New York. I'm really looking forward to it. I think we should try it out. I think it'd be a really good trip."

• 23:02Jay Shetty?

  You're responding with your feeling, and you're like, "Yeah, but you know I'm busy. Like, you just, you said that without even thinking about how busy I am." And now, the conversation, which was just about, "Hey, should we think about something exciting of going to New York?" We've lost the concept. So, instead, what you would say is, "Hey, so what I think you're saying is, you want to go to New York." Does it have to be next week? Is there a time for him that you're thinking about? Is there some time that it makes sense? Is there a reason why next week? And now you give the person an opportunity to say, "Yeah, my reason is that my best friend's birthday is there next week, or I've got a group of people I love going there next week, and you know, I would really love to go." So you've started a conversation. Now let's look at a more complex situation,

• 23:46Jay Shetty?

  where someone says, "You made me feel embarrassed when you didn't introduce me to your friend." Now, they're telling you how they feel, but now if you respond with how you feel, it goes, "Yeah, well, I felt embarrassed when you didn't invite me to that party." Again, you've responded with a feeling as opposed to saying, "Hey, what I'm hearing you say is that when I did that thing, it made you feel this way. Tell me why it made you feel that way? What was it specifically about that that made you feel that way? Because what I'm hearing is that you're upset with me, and the way that makes me feel is sad, because I've never done that before, and I just forgot, and I didn't know their name, and I'm so sorry." Notice how it changes the conversation.

• 24:32Jay Shetty?

  So when someone tells you how they feel, do not respond with a feeling. Respond with repeating what they said, what you heard, and then what you felt when it gets to it. The next principle, number five, is when you're communicating, you have to separate the content from the context. And that's why listening is such an important skill. Do not be distracted when you're listening. If you need to tell someone to come back later, finish your call, finish your text message, finish an email, it's better to do that than to try and multitask. This has been a huge one in relationships. So when someone responds to you or says something to you, we usually take their content to be everything

• 25:17Jay Shetty?

  without looking at their context. If I'm having a bad day, and someone says to me, "Jay, can I have a minute?" I might be a bit like, "Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure." And I'm stressed out. So now I'm saying "sure" in my content, but the person's hearing my context, but they don't know what the context is. They take it personally. Don't take it personally.

• 25:38Jay Shetty?

  Because the context is not about you. The content may be about you. Sure, I can do that. No, I can't do that. But the context is what is driving the way you're receiving the content. So a great listener can create an understanding and know the difference between what is content from what I'm hearing and what is context from what I'm hearing. And that in a relationship is huge. So I'll often say to Radhi, if I hear that the context is off, I'll say, "Radhi, hey, is something going on? Are you okay right now?" So instead of making it about my feelings again, instead of making it about me again, you're giving the other person the opportunity. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Jay, you're the one that always does that, and you never get heard."

• 26:21Jay Shetty?

  Well, let's talk about if you've asked to be heard in a non-conflict-based situation. Again, the context affects the content. If you're screaming and shouting and saying, "You never listen to me! You never make time for me!" Now, the context is drowning out the content. You want the content to drown out the context. So in the right state of my mind, you say, "Hey, can you let me know this week when we can just sit down for a couple of hours? I have an idea I want to share with you. Let me know who to best schedule it with? Where can I get that time? Where can we make it? I'd really appreciate it." Even with your partner. See, we think that that's unemotional or unloving to do in our partnership. It's not. Everyone's busy. Everyone has so much on. And to be conscious of that is so powerful.

• 27:06Jay Shetty?

  Now, this next one is really interesting because it's almost from sales, marketing, business, but it really applies in relationships. When you're sharing something with someone, first start by saying how something affects them. Then, how it affects you, and then how it affects you both together. So if I have a travel trip coming up, I may say to Radhi, I may say, "Hey, this might affect these dates in your life." So I want you to think about what you might be doing at this time. I'm gonna be traveling from, you know, 17th of September to the 24th of September. And I just wanted to know if you wanted to come with me or if you didn't.

• 27:48Jay Shetty?

  So if I started off by saying, hey, I'm traveling from 17th to 24th of September. Um, let me know what you're up to. Do you wanna come with me? The problem with that is, is you're starting with you. You're starting with about you. And now when someone's hearing that, they're also hearing it as about you. When actually what you wanted to do, your intention was to understand how it affects them. So when you're formulating what you share, now you're saying, Jay, this is so deep and it's so detailed, I'm gonna forget all this. Well, write it down and practice it. I'm giving you formulas and methods to avoid that 65% of people breaking up because of communication problems or the inability to resolve issues, 43%, which by the way, is usually not big stuff.

• 28:33Jay Shetty?

  It's like, who washed the dishes? It's like, who didn't clean up today? That's the stuff people are arguing about and having unresolved issues over. This is one of my favorite communication methods. I call it us and we, not you and me. I always try and use us and we. This is how we can overcome this. This is better for both of us. Us together, we can get over this. If you're saying, you're just always like this and I'm never gonna understand that. Notice how different that is. You're no longer on the same team. You're no longer connected. You're no longer coming to this from a position of strength.

• 29:15Jay Shetty?

  The eighth principle I want to share with you is something that I've been thinking about for a long time. They say that the greatest cause of inefficiency in companies, but also relationships, is a lack of trust. The problem is, we're always trying to build trust. And the only way to build trust is, don't try to build trust. Let me explain what I mean. If you want to build trust, you need to use and focus on that which builds trust. If you're trying to build a home, you don't build a home. You lay the bricks. You lay a foundation, right?

• 29:59Jay Shetty?

  It's the bricks and the foundation that make a home. You don't make a home by making a home. And actually, you may even say that's a house. A home is made through the love and the energy. So there are four pillars to building trust. Vulnerability, simplicity, transparency, and reliability. If you want someone to trust you, you have to show that you are vulnerable. You have to show you are transparent. You have to explain things simply, and you have to be reliable. And if you want to check whether someone's trustworthy, these are the qualities you look for. It's hard to know whether you can trust someone.

• 30:43Jay Shetty?

  Most of us just trust someone because they're nice, because they're good-looking, because someone we know knows them. We don't actually think about trust in a deep way, but trust has big roots. And we say things like, "Just trust me, you can trust me." Do you think anyone's ever trusted you when you say, "You can trust me"? It's kind of like saying, "No offense," but you're just about to say something offensive, right? It's kind of like this similar thing. And on the other side of two stuff, we also ask, like, "Can I trust you?" "Can I trust you?" is like saying, "Can I love you?" And saying, "Oh, just trust me," is like saying, "Just love me, you can just love me." When we throw around words like "love" and "trust," we forget what builds them. So instead of trying to get people to trust me, or trying to see if people are trustworthy,

• 31:26Jay Shetty?

  I want to see if I can be vulnerable with them, and I can trust them with my vulnerability. How do they respond to it? When I share something vulnerable, I remember someone I was speaking to recently that I was coaching, the guy they were dating shared something really vulnerable, about something that happened before their relationship. And they were so struck by it, and I was like, "You need to see this as an opportunity to be empathetic to their vulnerability." The thing is, we want people to be vulnerable, but then we don't want to deal with their vulnerability. Right? Everyone wants their partner to come to them, maybe depend on them a little, but then we don't want someone dependable. We can't have it both ways. If you want to build trust, you have to be vulnerable and encourage vulnerability.

• 32:09Jay Shetty?

  I'll ask someone an open question, and the depth of vulnerability they share with me makes me realize the depth of vulnerability they want to have with me. I don't try and force them to be more vulnerable, but I realize that they're showing me where they're at. People are showing you where they're at by how they act. Don't force more vulnerability out of them. Now, you may be a bit more vulnerable and see how they respond to that. But if you express more vulnerability and they don't follow, they have shown you where they are at. Let's talk about simplicity. I always think about, how could I explain this to a five-year-old, a four-year-old, someone really simple? When you think about things in that world, things become so much easier in relationships rather than trying to explain things in a really intellectual way.

• 32:52Jay Shetty?

  Now transparency and reliability are more obvious. Transparency is what it is and reliability is what it is. If you're reoccurring late, there's a pattern, you're becoming unreliable, you're not trustworthy. The final thing I want to share with you in relationships is you don't need to set daily time to connect. You don't need to always have the opportunity to do that. But you need to have weekly time and monthly time to connect. And that requires us to disconnect from our devices. When you're with your partner, put your phone away, please. You'll change so much. Thank you so much for listening today. This has been one of my favorite episodes. There've been so many incredible insights in this. I hope you're gonna share this with your friends. I hope you're gonna listen to it again. I hope you're gonna pass it on. And please keep leaving reviews.

• 33:37Jay Shetty?

  I love reading them and I love seeing what you're sharing on Instagram. I honestly keep a tab on all of it myself. I'm following, I'm sharing a lot of those posts. Keep them coming. Thank you so much for listening on purpose. I'll see you soon.

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