Armchair Anonymous: Arrested

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a time they got arrested. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Padman.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 0:06Dax Shepard?

  Hi. Today's prompt was, tell us about a time you got arrested.

• 0:12Dax Shepard?

  Tell us everything. He's grown in intensity. The last one's absolutely one of the craziest stories I've ever heard.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 0:20Dax Shepard?

  Right?

• 0:21Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 0:22Dax Shepard?

  We heard a crazy, there's a crazy one on you.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Oh, these are good.

• 0:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, these are good. Please enjoy stories about being arrested. We get support from Quince.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts and Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself, because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.

• 0:52Dax Shepard?

  Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather. Full-on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  It's the dream. The cashmere sweater is starting at $60, down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.

• 1:19Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'm gonna tell you this, it just got chilly for the first time this year in California and I'm so excited and I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 1:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel-quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here and it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.

• 1:54Dax Shepard?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is supported by Helix.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about how November is basically survival mode between the holidays, the travel, the hosting, the cooking, the everything? Sleep is the one thing keeping me from completely unraveling.

• 2:29Dax Shepard?

  It really is the foundation, and I think people underestimate how much a bad mattress is quietly ruining their day. You wake up stiff, your back's angry, you're already behind before your feet hit the floor.

• 2:40Speaker 01

  That was me before Helix. I took their sleep quiz, which is so fast. It took me like two minutes and they matched me to a mattress that actually fits how I sleep. Not a guess, not a firm or soft coin flip. It's a real match. I have a midnight mattress and I really like it. I was noticing it because I actually had to sleep in one of my other beds recently. That doesn't have a Helix mattress on it and I really could tell a big difference in my sleep.

• 3:03Dax Shepard?

  Temperature was all over the map.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  It was a mess. I need a new one.

• 3:06Dax Shepard?

  Look, they've got over 20 mattress models. So whether you sleep hot, need extra back support, or you've got a partner who moves around all night, there's one built for you. Plus free shipping and a 365 night happy with Helix guarantee. That's a full year to decide.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  Helix has been named the most awarded mattress by Forbes, Wired and more. So it's not just us being enthusiastic, the experts agree.

• 3:28Dax Shepard?

  Right now, Helix is running their Black Friday sale with up to 30% off. Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. Helixsleep.com/armchair.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 4:06Dax Shepard?

  How are you?

• 4:08Speaker 02

  I'm great.

• 4:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so what name do we want to go with?

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Okay, I have one locked and loaded. I think we're going to go with Jackie. The reason is Jackie was the name on my first fake ID that I had. And although this story doesn't involve my fake ID, it does involve underage drinking.

• 4:24Dax Shepard?

  Where are you, Jackie?

• 4:25Speaker 02

  Jackie is just outside of Toronto, Canada.

• 4:28Dax Shepard?

  Do you go up to Muskoka in the summer ever?

• 4:30Speaker 02

  Dax, I really hoped you would ask me about this because I always hear you talking about Muskoka. I'm here to tell you, there's a better, more well-kept secret cottage country in Ontario. It is the Kowartha's, it is cooler, it is more down to earth, it is less bougie. And that's where you go and that's where I'm going this weekend.

• 4:49Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wonderful. And is it a shorter distance from Toronto? Cause it's a good hike to Muskoka, yeah?

• 4:54Speaker 02

  Not necessarily. I might be biased, but I think it's better.

• 4:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, I feel you.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  We trust you.

• 4:58Dax Shepard?

  We're not on a bougie lake. I like a non-bougie lake. Okay, so you were arrested presumably.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  I was arrested, yes. So let's get into it. The year was 2008 and it was fall of my grade 12 year of high school. I actually have a very late birthday, so I was actually 16, about to turn 17 at this point. The other two people featured in this story were 17 at the time. So we go to your typical high school house party. This house party was interesting actually because a girl from our high school class, her mom had just bought this really big house, but hadn't moved into it yet. So it was a bunch of teenagers partying in an empty house.

• 5:36Dax Shepard?

  I'm so scared. And someone's new house.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:38Speaker 02

  Someone's new house, yeah. Party goes on, drink, drink, drink, fun, fun, fun, party, party. Night ends and myself, my high school boyfriend and his friend, we decide we're gonna take a cab home from this party to my boyfriend's house. I looked it up for this, it was like a three kilometer cab ride, probably would have taken 30, 35 minutes to walk. This is well past midnight, it's fall, it's cold.

• 6:05Dax Shepard?

  I'm already proud of you guys. You didn't choose to drive. Also, that's 1.8 miles for non-kilometer people.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  I remember it was a minivan cab, so I get in, I'm sitting behind the cab driver. My boyfriend is sitting in the backseat next to me. And then his friend is sitting in the front seat next to him. The cab pulls out of the driveway and the doors lock. And the cab driver goes, you need to pay me $200 cash right now, or I'm driving you to the police station and turning you in for underage drinking.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  Can they do that?

• 6:36Dax Shepard?

  Right out of the gates?

• 6:37Speaker 01

  That feels illegal.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  The house is in sight. I'm like, look, we've got whatever amount of cash. It was probably like $40 between us. I'm like, we'll give you this. Please just let us off. We'll find another way home. The whole ride probably would have been max of $15 cab fare. He child locks the doors and starts driving away.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  No.

• 6:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  This is kidnapping.

• 6:58Dax Shepard?

  In this country, he's committed two felonies, which is blackmail and now abduction.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  I realized that the friend sitting in the front seat, his door couldn't have been child locked, but it's a moving vehicle. And we pull out of this suburban street onto a really main road where on this road you can be going like 70, 80 kilometers an hour. And I'm pulling on the door. My boyfriend is pulling on the door on that side and we're like, let us out. It's escalating into panic. So we get to a red light at a main intersection between two very big roads. Still, it's just escalating. I feel like now is a good time to pause and say, logically, I have very chill parents, great relationship with them. I think the other two did as well. What probably would have been the right move was to say, drive us to the police station. Our parents will come pick us up.

• 7:48Dax Shepard?

  Of course. And also, he's not going to do that, but.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  You still could have gotten arrested though, or an MIP.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  They probably would have just called our parents and the old prefrontal cortex is not fully there yet. So instead, we choose to panic. So we're at a red light. I'm pulling on the van door. And suddenly I hear my boyfriend and his friend say, one, two, three. And I look and they start beating up the cab driver.

• 8:13Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure, sure. This is a decision I probably would have made.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  I keep pulling on the door. I'm freaking out. Eventually the door unlocks. So we scatter. I run across the four lanes of this big road. It's late at night. There's no cars there. And I kind of run into like a park ravine type area where there is a path that leads up to my neighborhood. So I call my older brother. I give him the shortest version of what just happened. I say, you have to come pick me up. And he's like, walk calmly. Don't draw attention to yourself. Just walk. Walk home, I'll meet you. So I'm walking around the corner, walking down the street next to ours. And my brother pulls up. I'm about to get in his car and a cop car pulls up behind us. The one detail I really don't remember is what initially they said to me. If they said, were you at a

• 9:00Speaker 02

  party? Were you in a cab? But next thing I know, I am up against my brother's car and they're saying, you're under arrest, hands in cuffs. He just says, okay, I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna wake up mom and dad. Just be calm. Immediately, I'm in the back of the cop car. It's two male cops. And I remember they just started asking me questions and it never occurred to me for even a second that I didn't have to say anything.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Right. I know. I would not think that in the moment either. It's like you're in handcuffs. So you feel like you have to answer them.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  They've got questions. I've got answers. And it's just like, who were you with? What's your name? What's his name? What's his middle name? What's his birthday? What was the address? Everything. And I'm just word vomit.

• 9:42Dax Shepard?

  You rolled over on everyone.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  I did.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  I was a snitch and I was hysterically crying. And so they drive me to the police station, very close car ride from my parents' house. This police station was across the street from our high school, by the way. So they put us in an underground parking garage and the two cops get out and I'm sitting there in the backseat in handcuffs and I managed somehow to shimmy my little pink Motorola Razr flip phone out of my pocket. And I just text my friend, we'll call her Allison, and I just say, I'm arrested. I don't know what I was trying to do with that.

• 10:21Dax Shepard?

  I'm assuming Allison wasn't a lawyer.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  No, Allison was 17. They put us in a questioning room and my parents are there and they're just asking me questions and getting me to run through the story. I can't stress to enough how much I am hysterically crying. And I remember I kept retelling the story and I would say like, and then the cops and one or both of my parents would just jump in and be like, police officers. They were so intent on making sure that I came across respectfully. And this goes on for hours. So I guess what had ended up happening was the cab driver told The police that teenagers had gotten in his car and he was going to drive them home. And then they threatened him that they were going to take all the cash that he had.

• 11:04Dax Shepard?

  Of course, the guy's already a fucking scumbag.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  And that the teenagers had beat him up and he had a thousand dollars in his front pocket. And that they had stolen the thousand dollars from his front pocket. This is pre rideshare. So this was the only cab company around. And they had a reputation for not being the greatest. Eventually, they pull my parents to another room and they're like, look, this could have ended really differently. Thank goodness, everyone's under 18. Your daughter was in the wrong place at the wrong time. We're going to let her go without any charges, but you gotta button this down. And they've taken a written statement. We go home and I remember just being like so thirsty and my mom was like, you've just been bawling your eyes out for six hours straight.

• 11:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  What ended up happening, I was fine, no charges against me. The other two, probably thanks to me and my word vomit in part, ended up going to court. Where in court, they read the written statement that they had taken at the police station. And there literally was like, and then we were in the cab, sobbing break. And then we were pulling on the door, sobbing.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  They ended up getting, I believe, a year probation, community service and court imposed curfew. As for my parents, they were just like, maybe we just do like an 11pm curfew and cool it on this boyfriend.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Wow, wow, wow.

• 12:30Dax Shepard?

  And the cab driver, everything's groovy with him. He doesn't have to deal with anything.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  I honestly don't know if he ever got charged with anything. I know that very quickly they were like, buddy, nothing got stolen from you.

• 12:41Dax Shepard?

  No one makes a thousand dollars in this town.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  Isn't that illegal too, to like?

• 12:45Dax Shepard?

  False statement. Yeah, this guy's got like three felonies.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  What's interesting is my husband, there's a few people in his family that are police officers. And I've since recounted this story to them and they're like, there are so many parts of that story. That is just like not how that should have gone down at all, but that's how it was.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Oh man, scary.

• 13:03Dax Shepard?

  Now, am I right in that camp? Canada is definitely looser about younger people drinking. I mean, the drinking age, at least when I was growing up, was 19. Is it still 19?

• 13:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, so it's 19 in Ontario. So we were just shy of that. I've never in my life known anyone who got any sort of charge for being caught drinking underage. It's really just at worst, maybe the drunk tank. So what would have made so much sense is I just say, take me to the police station. And my parents would have come and picked me up. And I reached out to both my parents to validate some details on this story. And my mom immediately was like, you weren't arrested. You were just brought to the station for questioning. And I was like, Mom, when they put me in cuffs in the back of the car and said, you're arrested, I was arrested.

• 13:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'd go along with that. I mean, I don't know the technical definition, but yeah, you're arrested and then let go.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  Arrested, not charged.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  They said you're under arrest, so that was me under arrest.

• 13:58Dax Shepard?

  Oh, what a harrowing story for a 16 year old.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  I will say to this day, I don't love a cab. When Rideshare came along and it was like, you can track where you're going, who you're with, all the safety features. I was for that. So I can't say I'm totally unscathed. It's kind of still there, but yeah, it's a story now.

• 14:14Dax Shepard?

  And how long did you stay with the boyfriend?

• 14:16Speaker 02

  Oh, that ended.

• 14:18Dax Shepard?

  Pretty quickly. Was he a bad boy?

• 14:20Speaker 02

  He wasn't the greatest.

• 14:21Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay. He wasn't a good boy. We might have to spank his butt.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  Thank you so much. This has been so much fun. I have to say, I was watching the first episode of Mom's Car on YouTube when I got the email from Emma.

• 14:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, what'd you think?

• 14:40Speaker 02

  I loved the episode, but my brain kind of short circuited when I was like, watching you and then reading the email. It was like a lot of armchair coming at me at once.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  That's Sim.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  It's him.

• 14:51Dax Shepard?

  All right. Well, lovely meeting you. Thank you.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Lovely meeting you too.

• 14:54Dax Shepard?

  All right. Take care. Have fun at the lake.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  Thanks. Bye.

• 14:59Dax Shepard?

  Is this David?

• 15:00Speaker 03

  It is.

• 15:01Dax Shepard?

  David, you've got Uncle Baby Billy shirt on.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  I do. I got a misbehaving tour shirt on.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, that's fantastic.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  It kind of fits well with the theme of this story.

• 15:11Speaker 01

  Oh, sure.

• 15:13Dax Shepard?

  Where are you, David?

• 15:14Speaker 03

  I'm in West Seattle, but I'm calling from a cowork space because we were in the middle of moving today.

• 15:20Dax Shepard?

  Oh, OK. There are some hints to your location behind you because that definitely looks like a Washington seascape.

• 15:26Speaker 03

  Nice little generic cowork space art.

• 15:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when does this event happen?

• 15:31Speaker 03

  So this event took place in the 90s, 1998, when I was a junior in high school.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Back to the 90s.

• 15:37Dax Shepard?

  So I'm a bit older than you. Yeah, six years, I would guess.

• 15:40Speaker 03

  About, yeah.

• 15:42Dax Shepard?

  And did you go to school in Washington?

• 15:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I grew up in the suburb of Seattle, Issaquah, which is ironically where we're moving back to.

• 15:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Crazy.

• 15:50Speaker 03

  So the Sunday afternoon, me and my buddy were palling around in his truck, you know, as teenage boys will do up to no good. And this car pulled up right behind us and started just tailgating us, or at least so we thought.

• 16:01Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes.

• 16:01Speaker 03

  As teenage boys on a Sunday afternoon will do, we start thinking, what can we do to get this person? Should we brake check them? Should we throw something out the window? Carl was my best friend at the time, still is a really good friend of mine. He was the driver, looked in his glove compartment, and he had a toy, a cap gun or pistol.

• 16:18Dax Shepard?

  OK, yeah, OK.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  What would we do, of course? They're like, oh, I should hold Carl hostage.

• 16:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh, interesting. Not the direction I was expecting it to go.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  I grabbed the gun and I hold it to Carl's head. And we can look out the back window and he's looking in the mirror and the person is clearly responding, right? They're kind of freaking out. They're concerned.

• 16:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 16:39Speaker 03

  And we're getting a good laugh out of it. So we're still driving through town and we're like, well, now what are we going to do? And we cruise over to Future Shop, which is kind of like a Best Buy now they're out of business. And one of our buddies was the manager of the car stereo install bay. We pulled up over there. We thought, OK, prank is done, moving on with our day. Still trying to find something to do. And we go in and we tell him what the story was. He pulls some of the guys out and tells them what the story is.

• 17:04Dax Shepard?

  You're heroes.

• 17:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, we think it's the best thing in the world. About five minutes later, one of the clerks comes up and goes, there's a lot of police outside.

• 17:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, but a lot.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, a lot for a murder, I would assume.

• 17:17Speaker 03

  Or armed robbery.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  Both require a lot.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  It's a was a pretty small suburb. There's probably four squad cars in the whole town. So that was all four of them, plus a couple from a neighboring town, Bellevue. There's probably six or seven of them out there and we go to the window. We're looking out the window. We're like, uh oh, my buddy who's the manager of the store is freaking out. He's like, I'm going to get in trouble if the cops storm in here and there's a whole scene. He's like, you guys gotta go.

• 17:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Okay.

• 17:41Speaker 03

  We get in the car and we start driving and then they are clearly following us. They're not engaging, but they are following to see what our next location or destination is going to be. We kind of keep traveling through town and we get out through downtown towards where there's a park and ride. And this is, you know, lights on, we're surrounded and they are steering us to pull in.

• 17:59Dax Shepard?

  And really quick, when you're driving down the road, what are you guys saying? Are you trying to come up with some cockamamie story you're going to tell them? What's the dialogue inside?

• 18:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't think we were that smart to think of anything besides just, we're dumb boys.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Yeah, like oops.

• 18:13Speaker 03

  This is the nineties, so we were going to go with the good old Simpsons, boys will be boys defense.

• 18:16Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 18:19Speaker 03

  It was probably our first endeavor with the law, but it wasn't our first endeavor of getting in trouble. It worked in the past, just never with law enforcement. So we were going to try it out and see how it went.

• 18:36Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Skims. Okay, I have a confession. I genuinely love matching pajamas. It's the best part of Christmas morning, really. Everyone in the same matching set, looking ridiculously cute in front of the tree.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  I love matching pajamas. I'm literally going to be in coordinating sets with all my friends this holiday season because I got them, spoiler to my friends who are listening, the same Skims pajama set I've been living in. They are so soft and cozy and they look cute. So you can leave the house and go get a late night hot chocolate, be cozy.

• 19:12Dax Shepard?

  It's so great how Skims has sets for everyone too. Women's, men's, kids, even your pets. So nobody in your life has to be left out this year.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  I have a bunch of different pajama sets. One of my favorite is the organic cotton sleep long sleeve set.

• 19:28Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  It is so comfortable, very chic, too. The top is a button down, but very, very soft, easy to sleep in. But as I said before, you can multi-purpose this and look super cute.

• 19:41Dax Shepard?

  Hot chocolate runs. It's like the pajamas we grew up in, except without the scratchy polyester that made opening presents feel more like a hot yoga class that nobody signed up for.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  All the nostalgia, none of the discomfort. Shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select Armchair Expert in the dropdown menu that follows. If you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now open at skims.com.

• 20:10Dax Shepard?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Every family has that one holiday tradition nobody actually enjoys, but everyone keeps doing because stopping it would feel like a federal offense. For me, it was a specific meal situation that I will not name because my family listens. But at some point, you have to ask yourself, am I doing this because I love it or because I'm afraid of what happens if I don't?

• 20:32Speaker 01

  Yes, and that question applies to so much more than the holidays. I think a lot of us carry these invisible rules about how we're supposed to spend the holidays, who we're supposed to see, what it's supposed to look like. And when you start unpacking that with a therapist, you realize half of your stress is coming from rules you didn't even write.

• 20:49Dax Shepard?

  This is where BetterHelp can be a great resource during the holidays. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences, which means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  I just love therapy. I've been avoiding it recently, or not avoiding it, but I was like, oh, I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy, I haven't canceled, canceled, canceled. But then I-

• 21:16Dax Shepard?

  You start feeling it.

• 21:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, because then I had it this past weekend and I was like, oh, my God, I'm just, thank God, thank God for her. Yeah.

• 21:24Dax Shepard?

  BetterHelp is now in-network with more than 125 health plans with many copays as low as $15 for eligible- Members and if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the U.S., you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/dax. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash DAX. We get support from our sponsor Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Glibron. Foundo is a once daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight

• 22:08Dax Shepard?

  who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 22:13Speaker 04

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once Daily

• 22:53Speaker 04

  Foundo is available by prescription only in 0.8 milligram, 2.5 milligram, 5.5 milligram, 9 milligram, 14.5 milligram, and 17.2 milligram tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.

• 23:11Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff, but there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends. Docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's left. What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman Go from the makers of Grammarly is different. It's already right there inside your email, your docs, your browser. You don't go to it. It's already working alongside you. You're deep in a long thread, highlight it, and it pulls the key points. About to send something important? It flags what doesn't add up before it leaves your hands.

• 23:56Dax Shepard?

  It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way. A thought partner that's already up to speed at your service, not after your job. So do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go from the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  So we pull into the park and ride and they surround us and we are facing a concrete barrier. So we can't go anywhere. Doors open, their guns are drawn, lights are on. There's somebody on a pull horn giving instructions. So both of our hands are out the window at this point because we had the windows down. They instruct Carl to turn the car off and throw the keys out the window. Now Carl's a fit guy. I wouldn't call him athletic in any means, but he hugged those keys had it been half a mile across the parking lot.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  They instruct him to open the door from the outside and step out. So he reaches out, follows instructions, gets out and is outside and they have his hands up. And they say, take 10 steps back and then take five more steps back. And they keep instructing him to take steps backwards till they get close enough to him. Then they put him in handcuffs and put him in the back of a car. At this point, they don't know who's who or what's going on. Now the attention kind of turns to me. I've got my hands out the window and they say, passenger slide across the seat. Cause it's a nineties model Ford Ranger pickup truck and get out the driver's side. Because that's kind of where they were all able to contain us. So we couldn't take off running as if that was a choice. So I've got my seatbelt on, of course, as I should. And I'm yelling out the window, I've got to take my seatbelt off. I've got to take my seatbelt off.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  Don't hear anything, so I just slowly reach for it and I hear a shotgun.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 25:41Speaker 03

  And I throw my hands back out the window, almost an unauthorized evacuation, but not quite.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 25:46Dax Shepard?

  Could have been a double whammy prompt.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  One of the other cops yells, seatbelt, seatbelt, seatbelt. So they all kind of calm down.

• 25:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  They say, take your seatbelt off and slide over. So I reach down, take my seatbelt off, slide across to the truck, get out, do the same thing, you know, hands up, back up, follow the instructions very clearly. And they put me in handcuffs and they put me in the back of a different squad car at this point. But now they've kind of got the scene controlled. So at least the tensions feel like they're down a little bit. So they get us in the back of the cars. First, they're talking to Carl to understand what happened. I can see what's going on. There's two cops standing outside of my car. They're talking to him, feels like a while, but you know, who knows what time is at this point. They're done talking to Carl. They come over to me. They're talking to me and we're telling the same story. We're like, listen, this guy was tailgating us. We thought this would be funny. And they're like, what possibly would make you think that this is fun?

• 26:37Speaker 03

  Uh, I don't know. They go in his car, tearing the car apart, looking for a gun at this point. They find the toy gun, but they're like, the driver said it was a real gun. We're like, it wasn't a real gun. It was this cap gun. After however long it is, they finally believe us. So they get us both out. They get us next to each other. They take the cuffs off. And then the local sergeant, who both of us actually became semi friends with after the fact, is just laying into us like, what is wrong with you? You've taken up all these resources. You could have gotten your head blown off pointing at me.

• 27:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, scared straight.

• 27:09Speaker 03

  It's 1998, so there's real no cell phones. So now they got to figure out how to get a hold of our parents because we're both minors. So they called Carl's parents. No one told them. They leave a very detailed message. They call my parents. No dice. They lay in a little bit. They try it again. Nothing, nothing. So they finally decide they're going to let us go on the caveat that they are going to follow up continuously until they get a hold of an adult to confirm that the message has been relayed. So we get on the road. We start strategizing. We're like, okay, let's go to Carl's house first because his parents are going to get home first. And we got to get to that answering machine.

• 27:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. So your plan is to now try to prevent either parents from knowing?

• 27:44Speaker 03

  Yes and no. We were going to delete the message so we could paint our story.

• 27:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. Great, great, great, great.

• 27:49Speaker 03

  Because we knew they were going to call back and talk to them. So we wanted to get our story out first before they got to them. We erase it. His parents get there. His dad was a tough SOB, not a happy camper.

• 28:00Dax Shepard?

  Uh, yeah.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  So much so later in life, we had had some other challenges. I moved away and every time I came back to visit, I would get a call from his dad saying, I don't want my son or you to end up in the hospital or in jail tonight.

• 28:12Dax Shepard?

  Okay, he was worried.

• 28:13Speaker 03

  I'm sure you have it with Aaron, you know, when you get together, the little devil on your shoulder just says, yes, do it.

• 28:18Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  There's nothing saying, no, don't do it. So we talked his parents out of murdering us.

• 28:24Dax Shepard?

  Really quick, does your friend's dad say there's any kind of grounding happening? Is there any punishment gonna happen?

• 28:30Speaker 03

  I want to say it was three months, maybe six months. At that point, we were never allowed to see each other again. I mean, he was a groomsman in my wedding, so clearly that didn't last. But it was a while before we were allowed to see each other outside of school. Get to my parents and it's pretty much verbatim, right? It's the same thing. It's you're an idiot, they're just both laying into us. We're kind of playing it off. We didn't quite think about how serious it was, probably until about five or six years ago. We're like, this was actually probably a pretty serious thing. And then that's where kind of the fact that we lived in a very white suburb and we were two white teenagers kind of checked in and we're like, we were probably pretty privileged in this situation. If we were not where we were and who we were, that could have ended very differently.

• 29:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and then you got eight guns pointed at you, it can go wrong very easily.

• 29:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then it kind of carries along. It was in my wedding, we were getting married in Chicago. My wife and I about 11 years ago, we actually just celebrated our 11 year anniversary.

• 29:19Dax Shepard?

  Congrats.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  At the rehearsal dinner, Carl opened up his wallet and took out the newspaper press clipping and read it to all of my in-laws and my wives.

• 29:29Dax Shepard?

  Wait, is this the caller two, Rob? Oh, it made the paper, congratulations.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  Not a crazy big story, but we made the paper.

• 29:37Speaker 05

  Can I read it?

• 29:38Dax Shepard?

  Please.

• 29:38Speaker 05

  It says, 1800 Block 12th Avenue Northwest. Police were alerted to a hostage situation in the future shop parking lot that turned out to be the work of two teen pranksters.

• 29:51Dax Shepard?

  The work of two teen pranksters.

• 29:53Speaker 05

  One boy held a plastic toy gun to the head of his friend while the two drove about town. Police not knowing it was a joke, stopped the boy's vehicle at the park and ride lot with drawn guns. That's fantastic.

• 30:05Dax Shepard?

  Uh, yeah, they don't realize what a blessing it was. They wrote that up for you guys.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  I know, it's pretty funny. That story comes out, I'd say probably every 24 months or so.

• 30:15Speaker 05

  Classic tale.

• 30:17Dax Shepard?

  I hope you have it framed in your home.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  I actually don't have a copy. That's Carl's copy. He carries it in his wallet still. I asked him to take a picture and send it to me.

• 30:25Dax Shepard?

  Tell the laminated at least. Well, we already know Carl's kinda.

• 30:28Speaker 05

  Willie Willie with the rules.

• 30:32Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, David, that's wonderful. That's such a teenage story.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  Well, I want to thank you guys so much. She would absolutely murder me if I didn't give Jen a shout out. She's been talking forever about this story and how it's gonna be on Armchair and how she's excited to pop in, but can't because she's at home with the movers.

• 30:49Dax Shepard?

  Well, Jen, we love you and we thank you.

• 30:51Speaker 05

  Shout out.

• 30:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, big time.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  You're pretty much the source of all of our news and all of our culture.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  For better or worse, right?

• 31:00Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 31:01Dax Shepard?

  Well, David, it's delightful to meet you.

• 31:02Speaker 03

  All right, have a good one.

• 31:03Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care.

• 31:06Speaker 05

  I hope their move goes smoothly.

• 31:07Dax Shepard?

  Me too. That's all you can hope these days.

• 31:10Speaker 05

  Moves are tough.

• 31:11Dax Shepard?

  You know what's interesting about moves? Oh, that's a good one. We're all gonna write it down.

• 31:15Speaker 06

  We do have to pick today.

• 31:17Speaker 05

  Oh, great. Moving stories. Do you wanna do military stories?

• 31:20Dax Shepard?

  I'll bang your butt, cherry red. Hello, is this Laura?

• 31:25Speaker 07

  Yes, it is.

• 31:26Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I have such a sweet spot for the name.

• 31:28Speaker 07

  Oh, that's nice to hear.

• 31:30Dax Shepard?

  Sweet Laura LeBeau. Where are you, Laura?

• 31:32Speaker 07

  I'm in Brooklyn, New York, so unfortunately, quiet and closets are two things we don't have, but I do have a podcast mic.

• 31:40Dax Shepard?

  I was gonna say, why do you have such a nice mic?

• 31:42Speaker 07

  I've done like educational content and worked in tech.

• 31:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay, and are you a Brooklyn native?

• 31:46Speaker 07

  No, I've been here like 13 years. I came here immediately after I graduated college.

• 31:51Dax Shepard?

  You did. You couldn't get there fast enough.

• 31:53Speaker 07

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 31:54Dax Shepard?

  Okay. What percentage of folks that you're meeting in Brooklyn are from Brooklyn? 5%?

• 31:59Speaker 07

  I think it's honestly half and half. I mean, I'm a photographer, so there's a lot of artists here and creatives that have been here their whole lives, so I feel very blessed to know a lot of natives and a lot of really cool transplants.

• 32:11Dax Shepard?

  We know almost nobody from LA. Jess, that's about it, right? In our entire friendship circle? Two out of 20.

• 32:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:19Dax Shepard?

  It's rare, though. Okay, so you got arrested and I'm just gonna say I'm gonna judge a book by its cover and say unlikely from the package that I'm seeing.

• 32:27Speaker 07

  I had not one detention in high school. Like, I was a pretty good girl, but when I go hard, I like really go hard.

• 32:33Dax Shepard?

  Good for you. You can use snap.

• 32:35Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's a good one.

• 32:37Speaker 05

  Okay, let's hear it.

• 32:38Speaker 07

  So I went to college in the SEC as well. I went to USC.

• 32:44Speaker 05

  Oh, nice. That's South Carolina for those who are unfamiliar.

• 32:49Dax Shepard?

  That's not.

• 32:49Speaker 05

  Exactly. It's South Carolina.

• 32:51Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, out here you would definitely think Southern California, whatever the fuck it stands for you.

• 32:56Speaker 07

  Right. It's the OG USC.

• 32:58Dax Shepard?

  The Ridge.

• 32:59Speaker 07

  So it was my junior year. I was at a party and a boy that I was about to start dating, we were getting to know each other. We were pretty uninvolved in the rest of the party, honestly. We were down in his room. We were smoking a lot, kind of made out a little bit.

• 33:15Speaker 05

  Pot or cigarettes?

• 33:17Speaker 07

  Pot.

• 33:17Speaker 05

  Okay, great.

• 33:18Speaker 07

  I mean, we smoked cigarettes too, but there were some younger freshmen at this party. It was like early in the year and that was part of why we were sort of away from everyone. So a noise complaint comes through, the cops get called, and instead of someone older taking charge and saying, hey, everybody shut up, we're just gonna tell the cops we're gonna be quiet and they'll go away and everything will be fine, all these tiny little freshmen started running out the door, down the drive, everywhere. And it was like, okay, we gotta go.

• 33:47Dax Shepard?

  You can almost not blame them because that was the move in high school. It's like they just left high school. High school, you just run like hell.

• 33:53Speaker 07

  Yeah, I think we all just sort of like rolled our eyes and we're like, okay, let's go. And I had maybe a gram less than that of weed in what was a very cute little satin purse that I would like carry it around in.

• 34:05Speaker 05

  Oh, sheesh.

• 34:06Speaker 07

  And I obviously was nervous. Pot was very illegal in South Carolina, so I tried to just toss it as I walked down the driveway. And at that same moment, a flashlight comes up and I just hear, well, that one tossed something, go grab her. And I was like, no.

• 34:21Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy. Possession.

• 34:24Speaker 05

  In the South, they wanna get you for that.

• 34:27Speaker 07

  They really do. So they bring everybody up the driveway and the driveway is in the back of the house and line all the kids up that have stopped and didn't get away. I'm just over on the side in handcuffs because they're like, we don't even care if you're going. So I'm just waiting to see like who my busmates are gonna be. And I just moved in with a girl that I did not know. This was like our first time going out together and I just watched as her and everyone else in the line just lie and say, well, I don't have my ID. So they can't prove anything. So they just let them all go. I'm like, this sucks.

• 34:59Dax Shepard?

  That's a great strategy. I didn't know about that. Yeah, I love it.

• 35:03Speaker 07

  I know. I was too much of a goody goody. I would have immediately been like, I'm underage. You can take me. I had no survival instincts. And so one girl gets so obviously just hammered. They're like, well, we're taking you.

• 35:16Dax Shepard?

  For your own safety, I think we need to get you somewhere.

• 35:19Speaker 07

  Yeah. So she and I get in the back of a cop car together and she immediately starts like, do you know who my daddy is? You guys are gonna lose your ju- and she just starts going nuts and she's slurring. She's so loud and I'm so stoned. I was immediately resigned to like, this is how my night's gonna go. It is what it is.

• 35:42Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you're chill.

• 35:43Speaker 07

  There was no way I couldn't be. So I look at her and I was like, I'm gonna need you to shut the fuck up. Like this is too much. You're too loud. Your dad's not getting you out of this. We're going to jail. This is how the night's gonna end. I'm sorry. So the cops in the front start laughing and they're like, well, at least she's entertaining. And I'm sure they wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up too.

• 36:04Dax Shepard?

  No one's watching Friends in Bed with Ice Cream tonight.

• 36:07Speaker 07

  Right.

• 36:08Dax Shepard?

  Not happening. No.

• 36:18Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 36:34Speaker 07

  Which is a fair question.

• 36:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so Instagram has got something called teen accounts and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 37:03Dax Shepard?

  Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on, and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.

• 37:22Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts. We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace. And I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat, and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic, and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your

• 38:05Dax Shepard?

  office, living room, or even the attic. Plus, they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com. We are supported by Walden University. You know that feeling when you've been thinking about making a move, going after the degree, the promotion, the thing you keep telling yourself you'll get to someday? Walden University is built for that moment. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working professionals get the W, the knowledge, the skills, and the confidence to create real change in their careers and communities. Their programs- are designed around your life, not the other way around. With Tempo Learning, available in select programs,

• 38:50Dax Shepard?

  there are no rigid schedules or set weekly deadlines. You move at your own pace. And Walden's faculty aren't just academics. They're practitioners who bring real world experience into everything they teach. From your first class to career coaching and beyond, Walden is your partner the whole way. Take the first step and learn at a pace that works for you. Visit walden.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by CHEV.

• 39:28Speaker 07

  So they unfortunately don't take us straight to the jail. They take us downtown to the bars to collect more children before they drive all the way out to where the correctional facility is.

• 39:42Dax Shepard?

  Oh my Lord. And what kind of vehicle are you in? Just on a standard cop car or are you like in a van?

• 39:46Speaker 07

  First it was a cop car. They wanted to load up a van and then the van takes everybody out to the woods where the jail is. So it was like, you know, cool, nobody will see. And then all of a sudden we're in downtown in the middle of all of the bars in a parking lot. And I'm just standing there in handcuffs. And the cop is like, all right, well, I'm gonna take your ID out and start some paperwork to save time later. And I was like, great, you do whatever you want, man. And he pulls out an ID and I just burst out laughing. And he looks at me and is like, what now? And I'm like, that's not me, man.

• 40:15Speaker 05

  Fake ID.

• 40:16Speaker 07

  And he's like, what? And I was like, I don't know what to tell you. Like, it is what it is. And he's like, who is it? And I'm like, I don't know, some girl from New Jersey. You can clearly see her name. And he just starts laughing and he actually put it back in my purse.

• 40:32Speaker 05

  Okay, you really endeared these police to you. That was smart.

• 40:35Speaker 07

  I really won them over. I mean, he took out the real ID and was like, you know, you're gonna give it back to her, right? And I was like, yeah, the first chance I get. So we get to the jail, they take us all out, start to do the processing and I'm still stoned and just like, what an interesting adventure this will be. I don't know how any of this works.

• 40:54Dax Shepard?

  I hope the food's good.

• 40:56Speaker 07

  I also just sort of assumed I'd be in a drunk tank with everybody else, but weed is another game. I'm getting booked. Like I'm going to a cell. I get, you know, Oh my god. separated from people for smaller than a penny.

• 41:08Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 41:09Speaker 07

  They are like, write down a phone number that you want to call. I'm like, okay, I have no family in this city. I don't know my roommate. I don't really have anybody, but my sister-in-law and my brother lived a few hours away. I was like, all right, well, I'll just call my sister-in-law, not my big brother. I'll call my sister-in-law. I'm like, she'll be cool. So I write the phone number down and then they take all my stuff and the guy's doing my fingerprints and they're talking to me about a phone call and they're like, well, you can't call long distance. And I'm like, what do you mean? Yeah. And that point, I sober up and lose it. And I'm like, no one knows I'm here. I start crying and they take a mug shot and you're like, oh, fuck. Oh, my god.

• 41:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 41:46Speaker 07

  I'm freaking out. The guy taking my fingerprints is like, what's wrong? And I'm like, well, besides this, I can't call anyone. I still have the piece of paper with my sister-in-law's phone number. And he's like, why don't you leave that there? I'll call her and let her know what's going on. And I was like, weird, but what other choice do I have? Like, somebody's gotta know. And then they were gonna put me in a holding cell before they took me back. And the guy comes back around and he's like, kind of talking out of the side of his mouth. And he's like, don't let anybody see, but there is a small piece of paper on the floor in that holding cell. Pick it up. It has my number on it, but don't let anybody see you. Pick it up. And I was like, okay. What's happening? Is this a meet cute?

• 42:24Dax Shepard?

  He wants it to be a meet cute.

• 42:25Speaker 07

  Absolutely not.

• 42:28Speaker 07

  If this is the only human that's gonna have contact with anybody, like, you gotta do what you gotta do. So I very casually sit on the floor of the holding cell, like, I'm trying to relax and just put this tiny piece of paper in my pocket, like, it's the only thing that I own in the world. And they like, take me back to a cell. I think I like, blacked out for the rest of the night, because I have very few just sort of photographs of memories of being in a cell. There was a girl who's younger with me. I think she'd like, stolen some stuff. I think I was back there for probably eight, nine hours. And someone comes to get me and they're like, you're gonna get let out. So I get out and the lady like, giving me my stuff back. Is like, someone's here to get you. And I was like, who? She's like, does it matter?

• 43:09Speaker 07

  Go. And I walk out and I see my sister-in-law standing there. She and I just like walk outside. I probably start crying. I think I'm laughing a little bit. And she's like, yeah, I got a very weird text message at like three in the morning from a random number that's like, hey, your sister is in jail in Columbia, South Carolina. And she goes, so I called your brother because I thought it was probably a scam.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:33Speaker 07

  I'm the youngest of four and I'm the only girl. So they all got into all sorts of trouble and I was very good. And he was like, yeah, she's in jail. You gotta go get her. It's about time she got in trouble. She comes and picks me up. I was supposed to start a job that day at a restaurant. And I was like, yeah, that's not gonna happen. So I called out that I was sick. And my sister-in-law and I were like, all right, we're just gonna watch crappy TV and get food. So we go to get food and my debit card gets denied. And I'm like, well, that's very weird. Obviously, I was supposed to start a job, but like, I've got some cash. So I go home, log into my bank online and see that it has been completely emptied and someone paid a utility bill with my debit card.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  What?

• 44:16Speaker 07

  The only people that had possession of anything of mine, because I got everything back for the people that worked at the jail. So it's like, I'm pretty sure someone that worked at that jail stole my identity.

• 44:28Dax Shepard?

  Paid a utility bill.

• 44:29Speaker 01

  My god.

• 44:30Speaker 07

  Paid like a $300 water bill or something like that.

• 44:33Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my god.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  That's horrible.

• 44:36Speaker 07

  What do you do? You know, it was like, well, I called the bank and tried to explain it without really having to explain it. And everything got refunded and it was fine. But then, when I went to court, they want you to pay to like have things expunged off your record and go through a class instead of all this other stuff. And I just looked at the judge and was like, I'm not paying for that. Someone that works for you stole all of my money. And none of you wanted to investigate the address that the bill was paid for. And the judge was just like, yeah, how's community service sound? And I was like, I think that sounds great.

• 45:11Dax Shepard?

  Wait, what was on the piece of paper that he left?

• 45:13Speaker 07

  Yeah, his phone number. But it was like, I don't need to call you. Like, she'll either be here or she won't be here.

• 45:18Dax Shepard?

  This feels like a very corrupt situation because I think he was hitting on you and then I think they stole you.

• 45:23Speaker 01

  I think he also stole your money and hit on you.

• 45:26Dax Shepard?

  Wow, wow, wow.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  Well, he was like, eventually we'll be married. So it's my money.

• 45:30Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's generous.

• 45:31Speaker 01

  That sucks.

• 45:32Dax Shepard?

  So what was the outcome of the charge for possession? Did they throw that out?

• 45:37Speaker 07

  After about six months, I had a certain amount of time to complete the community service. And I turned in that paperwork and then just never looked myself up in that system again. Cause it was like, I'm not going to live in this state. So I don't think this is going to matter. And I was also really hoping that weed would be legal eventually and it also wouldn't matter. So I left the day after I graduated and I've never stepped foot in Columbia again. I go to South Carolina often, but not Columbia.

• 46:06Speaker 01

  Man, yeah.

• 46:06Dax Shepard?

  Possession, possession, theft, meet cute.

• 46:11Speaker 07

  And then I actually waited on the cop who arrested me at that restaurant that I started working at like a month later. He was hammered. It was his birthday. So I like took him a shot and was like, hey, do you remember me? It's like, yeah, weed, right? And I was like, yeah, totally.

• 46:26Dax Shepard?

  Oh, but he didn't hit on you then.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  No, different guy.

• 46:29Speaker 07

  Yeah, this was one of the cops that arrested me.

• 46:31Dax Shepard?

  Okay, not the one that gave you his number.

• 46:33Speaker 07

  No, no, no, that was a fingerprint guy.

• 46:37Speaker 01

  Thanks for sharing that.

• 46:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Have you been arrested since? I bet not.

• 46:40Speaker 07

  No, I have not.

• 46:41Dax Shepard?

  No, okay, good.

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Knock on wood.

• 46:42Dax Shepard?

  One and done. Well, it's lovely meeting you, Laura.

• 46:45Speaker 07

  Yeah, thank you. Have a good day, guys.

• 46:46Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care. This is a double whammy, Bonnie.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  Oh, that's always fun.

• 46:52Dax Shepard?

  Bonnie and Clyde. Hello. Hello. Is this Dan? Yep.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  Hi, Dan.

• 46:58Dax Shepard?

  Is Sarah with us as well?

• 46:59Speaker 05

  Hi, nice to meet you both.

• 47:02Dax Shepard?

  Hi, nice to meet you. Where are you guys?

• 47:04Speaker 05

  We're both in Lehigh, Utah.

• 47:06Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, great. You're not our first Utahians. What do we call people from Utah?

• 47:11Speaker 05

  I like Utonians, but I don't think that's really it. I think I made that up.

• 47:15Dax Shepard?

  That is really nice, Utonians. And you guys have an arrest story and it's a team. And this is only the second time we've interviewed two people at once. So this is very exciting, a novel.

• 47:25Speaker 05

  We're going to tell you a story about our wedding day. Oh. Fantastic. So a little backstory that will be helpful. So we met fall of 1999. We fell in love pretty quickly, madly, deeply. Moved in together in January of 2000. We decided to move to Cedar City. We had been living in Provo, Utah. We found out we were going to have a baby in May. So we decided, let's get married in September. Dan's parents had a beautiful backyard in Provo, Utah. So we decided to get married there. It is the morning of our wedding. We are doing the finishing touches, setting up chairs, dance on a ladder, hanging up fairy lights.

• 48:08Dax Shepard?

  How many guests are coming?

• 48:09Speaker 05

  Probably about 150, 200. Do you think? So Dan's hanging the lights. It's time for me to go get my hair and makeup done, get in my dress. So I kiss him goodbye. We'll see you in a bit and I leave.

• 48:20Speaker 06

  Finished putting up the lights and stuff and an hour before I'm like, I'm trying to get my tux on. And the doorbell rings. I open it, there's this plain clothes guy standing there and I'm like, maybe one of the guests, I don't know. But he introduces himself. He's like, I'm Officer so and so from Sheriff's Department. I'm looking for Dax Shepard. Is he here? And I'm like, that's me.

• 48:39Speaker 05

  Your name is Dax Shepard?

• 48:40Dax Shepard?

  Hold on a second, your name's Dax Shepard?

• 48:41Speaker 06

  I am Dax Shepard.

• 48:42Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God. So obviously you know I go by Dax Shepard nonstop.

• 48:46Speaker 06

  That's amazing. Yeah, I was so excited.

• 48:48Speaker 05

  That's hilarious. Is your name Kristen Bell? I wish.

• 48:52Speaker 06

  We're gonna do a Halloween costume one of these days.

• 48:55Dax Shepard?

  You should.

• 48:56Speaker 06

  So yeah, he looks at me. I used to have earrings and long hair and that whole look back in the day. And he's like, oh, you're not even the guy I'm looking for. I'm like, all right, cool. And then he's like, well, let's just go to my car real quick. Checked it out, make sure. So I'm sure whatever. And we get to his car. He asked me my birthday and I tell him. And he looks at me and does a double take. He says, oh, by God, I guess it is you. And he grabs me and says, you're under arrest. You're going to jail. And I'm like, I'm getting married in an hour.

• 49:23Speaker 05

  Oh, my God. God.

• 49:25Speaker 06

  Like, no, not today. You're not. And my brother sees this guy manhandling me and comes out to like, help me and going to hit him. I'm like, it's a cop. Don't hit him. I'm going to jail. Tell everyone. I don't know what to do.

• 49:37Speaker 05

  Tell everyone. What the fuck? They didn't say like, you're arrested for?

• 49:42Speaker 06

  After he grabbed me, I'm like, what am I be arrested for? He said, for absconding from probation. Cause I'd moved to Cedar City. Back when you went to jail for marijuana charges and stuff, I had a possession thing I was dealing with and I was working. I didn't think I was hiding. And I guess they, you put your wedding announcement in the newspaper back in the day. So we did that.

• 50:01Dax Shepard?

  Oops.

• 50:01Speaker 06

  And they checked that. And that's how they knew I would be in town and

• 50:05Speaker 05

  Oh, that's so anti love.

• 50:08Dax Shepard?

  I know. But also he must've stuck out like a fucking sore thumb in Provo with long hair and earrings everywhere.

• 50:14Speaker 05

  He could have let you guys get married, could have watched the wedding from behind and then he would have felt butterflies. And then he would have been like, oh, these people are nice.

• 50:22Dax Shepard?

  It'd be really cute if they put them both in the back of the cop car and then wrote just married in soap on the cop car window and then they got to drive through town.

• 50:29Speaker 02

  There's more. There's more to this story.

• 50:32Speaker 06

  So, yeah, they get me to the jail, booked me in and they're laughing about my wedding thing. And they said, there's roses out front. They can get married in the front of the jail. And I'm like, yeah, that's not happening. I didn't know what was going on. And so I'm just sitting in jail. Somehow my dad works his magic with the judge that's marrying us to get a sheriff to be my best man, pretty much, and get me out for an hour. Get married.

• 50:56Speaker 05

  Stop it.

• 50:57Speaker 06

  And come right back to jail.

• 50:59Speaker 05

  No, no.

• 51:02Speaker 06

  Yep. I had a best man as a sheriff. He had a handcuff tie pin.

• 51:06Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 51:07Speaker 02

  Wait, Dan. There's more. So Dan's sitting in jail, finds out there's a chance he can get out. I'm coming back to the venue in my wedding dress, makeup, hair done.

• 51:18Speaker 05

  We don't have cell phones, so I have no idea what has happened. So I walk in and nobody's looking at me in the eye. I'm expecting everyone's gonna be like, oh, my gosh, you're so beautiful. Oh, no. That gets just panic and anxiety and nobody's talking to me. So I think, okay, I last time I saw Dan, he was on a ladder, hanging lights. Did he fall? But then nobody else is gone, just Dan. So then I think he left me. Oh, my.

• 51:51Dax Shepard?

  Like you left at the altar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:53Speaker 05

  My sweet mother in law grabs me and takes me outside and she explains that Dan had been arrested. But that my father in law had worked his magic and worked this out that he can get out. He's gonna have to go right back. Do you still want to get married? Oh, my God. I'm pregnant, I'm dressed. Guests are arriving by this time and I'm like, yeah, if you can get him here, let's do it. Wow. Why not? So then Dan shows up.

• 52:26Dax Shepard?

  With the sheriff, okay.

• 52:27Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 52:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, and shackles and a prison garb. There's a sheriff's van in the driveway. He watches me get my tux on. He's like, if you're good, not a problem. If you try anything, I'll take you down in front of everybody. I don't care. So Sarah couldn't even come near me to kiss me.

• 52:42Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 52:45Dax Shepard?

  This is insane.

• 52:47Speaker 06

  We have the service, the saddest bunny pictures you'll ever see in the album.

• 52:52Speaker 05

  I wanna see those pictures so bad.

• 52:55Dax Shepard?

  What are the guests saying? Clearly you've all talked to them since, like, what were they thinking? Like, what is she doing?

• 53:02Speaker 05

  Oh, for sure. And I have to give my family such credit because my parents were just troopers.

• 53:08Dax Shepard?

  I gotta be honest, if one of my daughters marries a guy that gets arrested during the wedding, I'm gonna be a little nervous.

• 53:14Speaker 05

  No, but you knew what it was for, right? I did. And when I found out he'd been arrested, I Thought he left me at the altar. So honest, I was so relieved.

• 53:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, thank God he was arrested.

• 53:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, he still loves me.

• 53:26Dax Shepard?

  Was there video being run? Did anyone record it?

• 53:29Speaker 05

  We did, and we do have some pictures. I almost said some into Emma, but I think they were strategically trying not to get the sheriff.

• 53:37Dax Shepard?

  But I would love to see his video of it. And then the moment overtook the sheriff and he's crying as Dan's best man. That would be the dream.

• 53:46Speaker 05

  What if he gave a speech?

• 53:47Dax Shepard?

  Gives a toast. I've only known Dan for thirty six minutes, but I gotta say this is stand up.

• 53:52Speaker 05

  So pure.

• 53:54Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you say I do, I do. Do you get to kiss that I do?

• 53:58Speaker 05

  We do. Do you have like one handcuff to him?

• 54:01Speaker 06

  He let me out of the cuff, had a tuxedo on. That looked good, but yeah, we're just sobbing. I don't remember any of the ceremony at all.

• 54:10Dax Shepard?

  Right after the nuptials are done, does he then take you to put you back in the jumpsuit?

• 54:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 54:15Speaker 05

  You had to change out of your tux and get in the jumpsuit. And so did you just party without him? A little awkward, right? And I didn't really want to be at the reception alone and have to kind of explain everything. So my girlfriends and I, we just left and I hung out with them for the evening. Oh my God, this is such a disaster.

• 54:34Dax Shepard?

  I love what a disaster. Like, we could have had a prompt, like, worst wedding you've ever been to, and probably three or four people from your wedding would have submitted.

• 54:44Speaker 05

  I'm sure there were bets on the way home of like, that marriage is not gonna last five months.

• 54:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you can't do the first dance or anything.

• 54:51Speaker 05

  Also, weddings are expensive. You wasted all this money.

• 54:55Speaker 06

  They were filming guests congratulating us and someone's like, how amazing. Spend your time together. Wait to have children. And someone leans over and whispers to her, children are such a blessing. Congratulations.

• 55:09Speaker 05

  This whole from beginning to end is just an absolute disaster. Wow.

• 55:14Dax Shepard?

  When you drove away in the paddy wagon, did people stand on the yard and like wave to you?

• 55:20Speaker 06

  Yeah. We said a prayer goodbye and there's a dog door and I was like, actually considering like, I could climb through there and get out of here.

• 55:28Dax Shepard?

  And how long were you in the clink?

• 55:30Speaker 06

  Two months.

• 55:30Dax Shepard?

  No, you from your from the moment you got married, you sat in jail for two months?

• 55:35Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 55:36Dax Shepard?

  For fucking weed possession.

• 55:38Speaker 06

  Violating probation, absconding, yeah.

• 55:40Speaker 05

  Holy. We added it up. He probably served in total two and a half years over other charges, always for less than an eighth of weed, probably.

• 55:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, possession charges.

• 55:53Dax Shepard?

  What a fucking waste of money. There's so many other fallouts from it, but just what a waste of manpower.

• 55:59Speaker 05

  Two months right after the hour long wedding.

• 56:02Dax Shepard?

  Wow. So when you got out, then of course, Sarah, were you there to pick Dan up?

• 56:07Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 56:07Dax Shepard?

  And did you go on a honeymoon?

• 56:10Speaker 05

  We did finally get our late honeymoon. I've always given him so much shit for this date, but I've told him, okay, it's worth it now. I get to meet Dax and Monica. I love them.

• 56:21Dax Shepard?

  Well, you owe him a real big one, though. You really have some leeway to fuck up majorly and put him through it for a couple of months.

• 56:29Speaker 06

  That's how I knew she was a keeper, though.

• 56:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's incredible.

• 56:33Dax Shepard?

  Wow, man. Two months after that.

• 56:36Speaker 05

  That's insane.

• 56:37Dax Shepard?

  Improvo or do they send you out to Salt Lake or something?

• 56:40Speaker 06

  Improvo. Yeah, you go down south. Weed was just a big deal back in the war on drugs days and they did not play around.

• 56:46Dax Shepard?

  And were most of the folks in there with you also serving weed?

• 56:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, it'd be rare. It was something like a DUI or anything else.

• 56:54Speaker 05

  He got three visits a week, so of course I was there every day that I could be and the guards, you know, at first it's like a half hour visit, but as time went on, we had like two hour visits. I think they were like, these guys are just in love. We're gonna let him talk. Oh my God. Wow. This is a great story.

• 57:14Dax Shepard?

  You guys, this is weirdly one of the sweetest wedding stories ever heard at the same time.

• 57:19Speaker 05

  It's romantic. You guys made it through. We did.

• 57:22Speaker 06

  I was just thrilled she was still gonna marry me and it happened. And the inmates, when I came back, they're like, did you consummate your marriage? I'm like, no. Like, well, you're not really married. I'm like, well, she's pregnant. I think we're good there, but still giving me shit about it.

• 57:38Speaker 05

  Oh, that's so funny.

• 57:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God, what a story.

• 57:41Speaker 05

  Great story. Thank you so much for sharing it.

• 57:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that was great. Thank you, guys.

• 57:45Speaker 06

  Our pleasure.

• 57:46Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 57:47Dax Shepard?

  All right, well, you guys.

• 57:48Speaker 05

  Both of you.

• 57:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, keep going strong.

• 57:50Speaker 06

  Keep doing what you guys are doing. You're changing lives.

• 57:52Dax Shepard?

  Okay, thank you, guys.

• 57:54Speaker 06

  Bye.

• 57:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 57:55Speaker 05

  That was epic.

• 57:57Dax Shepard?

  Unexpected, a wedding arrest story.

• 57:59Speaker 05

  Woo, I loved it.

• 58:01Dax Shepard?

  And they get to hear them both.

• 58:03Speaker 05

  It was romantic.

• 58:04Dax Shepard?

  It was, and her going, well, hold on, Dan. There's like the way couples tell stories.

• 58:08Speaker 05

  So great, so great. 25 years, that's a big hurdle to overcome, and they did it.

• 58:15Dax Shepard?

  Well, that was lovely.

• 58:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, lovely arrests.

• 58:17Dax Shepard?

  Good job.

• 58:19Speaker 05

  Good job, everyone.

• 58:19Dax Shepard?

  Try not to get arrested. Love you.

• 58:21Speaker 05

  Love you.

• 58:23Speaker 06

  Do you want to sing a tune or something? We're going to have a theme song.

• 58:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh, OK, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fire, Rhyme Dish, on the fire, Rhyme Dish, enjoy.