Drew Robinson, former MLB player, attempted suicide with a self inflicted gun shot and lived to tell his story 20 hours after he shot himself & now sharing his story to help others.

FOLLOW THE PIVOT PODCAST: MERCH | https://pivotpodcast.com YOUTUBE | https://www.youtube.com/thepivotpodcast INSTAGRAM | https://instagram.com/thepivot TWITTER | https://twitter.com/thepivot TIKTOK | https://tiktok.com/@thepivot FACEBOOK | https://www.facebook.com/thepivotpodcast October Is National Depression and Mental Health Screening Month with October 10th being World Mental Health Day, it’s important to check in on our loved ones and those close to us, not just today or this month, but as often as we can. Sometimes those who look like they have the perfect life and everything going for them are the ones struggling the most on the inside. This conversation is a powerful story but a tough one to hear and even a tougher one to share but through clarity and courage, Drew Robinson is opening up to hopefully help others not suffer through what he and his loved ones endured. Former MLB player Drew Robinson is a good looking, athletic man, and was achieving success at the 1% level of playing a game he loved professionally…but what people didn’t know at the time was the mental health struggles Drew faced everyday. Baseball exposed cracks in his facade of his stability, his adoration for the game wavered as he described loving baseball one day and loathing it the next. Drew detailed his life, family, friends and career path as Ryan leads into ask: What was the moment on April 16, 2020 that led him to make the choice which forever changed his life. Suffering from severe depression, Drew made up his mind he no longer wanted to live and attempted to take his own life after he wrote a good bye note, he reached for his gun and shot himself in the right side of his head, intending to end his story but it didn’t. For the next 20 hours, Drew lived in his own blood, pain and the mystery of how he was still alive. Finally almost a day later of drowning in the confusion and aftermath of the gunshot, Drew had a decision to make, take one more shot or call for help…Drew dialed 911. Today, sitting across from Ryan, Channing and Fred, you see a man in Drew, who on the outside may look different but on the inside, is stronger than he’s ever been. So many questions as the guys try to understand and make sense of it all…How did Drew live for nearly an entire day with a hole on the right side of his head, and another wound where the bullet exited on the left side, with no medical attention? Few people survive self-inflicted gunshot wounds to the head, but even rarer are those who emerge with clarity and purpose as Drew has done. Despite the loss of his right eye, Drew’s vision hasn’t seemed more clear. He has spent the past few years after baseball working on himself, speaking publicly on Mental Health, talking to athletes and teams sharing his story to hopefully help others not go down the same path. So much has changed and so much was lost but now a few years later, Drew is realizing how much was truly gained. Gambling Problem? Call1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (CO/IL/IN/LA/MD/MI/NJ/OH/PA/TN/WV/WY), (800) 327-5050 or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA), Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. Call 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (KS/NH), 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), visit OPGR.org (OR) or www.1800gambler.net (WV). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MA/MI/MD/NJ/NY/OH/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Void in NH/OR/ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. $200 issued as bonus bets that expire 7 days (168 hours) after being awarded. Bonus bets must be wagered 1x and stake is not included in any winnings. Ends 9/18/23 at 11:59PM ET. Sponsored by DK. See terms at dkng.co/ftball. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Ryan Clark?

  On April 16th, 2020, Drew Robinson attempted to take his own life. The self-doubt, the insecurities, they all got to him. Even though he was a successful, handsome, former fourth-round pick in the Major League Baseball draft, it wasn't enough. He also felt like there was no one to turn to. But he wanted to let his family members and his loved ones off the hook. So he wrote them a letter saying there was nothing they could have done to prevent what was happening. But something miraculous did happen. 20 hours later, Drew Robinson was still alive. Though bloody, bruised, he was still there. And he had a decision to make.

• 1:15Ryan Clark?

  With a cellphone in one hand and a handgun in the other, he chose to dial 911. And Drew is still here today. Not only is he here, he's decided to dedicate his life to people who are going through the same things that he is. And he hopes that through his story, there are others that don't have to get to the point of attempting to take their lives to learn there are other ways to cope. Here on The Pivot, we've decided to allow Drew to tell his story. Not just for entertainment, not just so people know what he's going through, but in hopes that through us,

• 2:00Ryan Clark?

  we allow Drew to save more lives like his.

• 2:05Channing Crowder?

  Is it half-teeth or wet shirt? So you're gonna sit right there? Yep.

• 2:11Ryan Clark?

  What's up, bro? What up, brother? Appreciate you, man. Thank you for having me. Appreciate your company.

• 2:15Fred Taylor?

  Scared of dogs, bro?

• 2:16Ryan Clark?

  Nice to meet you guys.

• 2:16Fred Taylor?

  You ain't scared of dogs, Drew, or something?

• 2:18Channing Crowder?

  Man, I'm terrified of dogs. You can sit right here. No one could bite the shit out you.

• 2:22Fred Taylor?

  Come here, here. That's dope. Oh, yeah.

• 2:26Ryan Clark?

  She listens.

• 2:26Fred Taylor?

  Ah, that's dope, man.

• 2:28Ryan Clark?

  But if she says bite the shit out of him, we gonna bite the shit out of him. Something like that. Most, most dogs are better than people, actually.

• 2:34Drew Robinson?

  Yeah, I joke with my buddies, or just anyone, but like, not really joking, that she's like smarter than most people, I think. More, better, better behaved, for sure.

• 2:43Fred Taylor?

  Right.

• 2:43Ryan Clark?

  Well, that's because you could actually teach them to listen. People just do what the hell they want.

• 2:48Drew Robinson?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 2:50Ryan Clark?

  She's chilling.

• 2:51Drew Robinson?

  I'll give her the tactic, man.

• 2:52Ryan Clark?

  Hey, Chan, see? Those are highs. Right. Y'all don't like my, they, they hate on my mids.

• 2:58Drew Robinson?

  Got the mids?

• 2:59Ryan Clark?

  Mids be eighty dollars.

• 3:02Drew Robinson?

  Really?

• 3:02Ryan Clark?

  Them highs be a hundred ninety. Like, shit, I get my mids for eighty, bro. I'm serious. They, they hate my mids.

• 3:09Drew Robinson?

  Just go every other one, get the highs. Every other release.

• 3:37Ryan Clark?

  Drew, man, thank you so much for coming. Welcome to The Pivot. This is Chan, I'm RC, that's Freddie T. You know, I think this is such an impactful and powerful conversation. It's a lot of the reasons we started the show. I think I just wanna ask you about a certain sentence, or a certain phrase, or a certain short paragraph, and you could tell me what it means to you. It was, "I hope you guys realize, you couldn't have seen this coming to prevent it, because of how hard I tried to hide it."

• 4:13Ryan Clark?

  When you hear that again, because it came from you, you know, and it says, "There's nothing you could have done." What do you think about?

• 4:24Drew Robinson?

  I mean, it just makes me think about how good of a support system I had that I was so worried about making them feel guilty that I tried my hardest to make sure they didn't feel any guilt after the fact because I knew that I was holding back from utilizing or using possible support system that I had around me and then also just the misconception of what caused me to want to hold back and to hide that part of my life, which was just a lot of outdated perspectives, a lot of outdated things that caused people to do things no matter how they're feeling or how they're thinking or how they're seeing things. So, I mean, really, that makes me think of a whole bunch of things when it comes to my

• 5:06Drew Robinson?

  experiences and my story, but for some reason, it made me think about just the people I had in my life and my family and friends that I was unfortunately not willing to have the strength to ask for help.

• 5:18Ryan Clark?

  Drew, when you're sitting there and you've contemplated the decision to take your own life, it's something, I can't imagine the pain, I can't imagine the distress, I can't imagine the hopelessness that puts someone like you, handsome, smart, talented, accomplished, and you're at a point of your life where you no longer want to live, 16 days after you purchased the gun. What finally made you make the decision that you no longer wanted to live?

• 5:57Drew Robinson?

  I was just exhausted. I was so tired of trying to be someone that I wasn't or trying to just constantly live up to this expectation that was totally made up by myself, thinking it was from some kind of outside perspective. And I just was tired of acting, I was tired of portraying and tired of trying to figure out what was wrong with me, which the word hopelessness is what you used, and that's where I was. I was so tired and I just didn't have any hope that I would be able to kind of right the course or right

• 6:38Drew Robinson?

  the ship with my own internal world. I thought that I was too dumb to figure it out. I think one of the sentences that I've used in

• 6:48Drew Robinson?

  And the note that I left behind was I'm too smart. I'm smart enough to realize why, but too dumb to figure out how to fix it. Incredibly hopeless and I was tired of showing that I had things under control. Went inside, I was crumbling. And it just got incredibly exhausting and hopeless and really just dangerous.

• 7:05Channing Crowder?

  But that day, what was that day like leading up to it? Because that was the thing that I was most intrigued by. They talk about the moment, but there's an entire day when you wake up.

• 7:17Drew Robinson?

  Yeah.

• 7:17Channing Crowder?

  I want to hear about the day leading up to the decision that you made.

• 7:21Drew Robinson?

  Yeah, honestly, the day itself was no different than the three months before that day. I was just consumed with the thought of maybe trying. I wasn't decided before I went to bed that night that tomorrow's the day. I was just going throughout my day like I was the three months before. Just never ending thoughts of taking my life and how I could maybe do it. How I can make it easier for the people that I might be leaving behind if I actually want to do it. What, you know, just lost my thoughts really. And really, just about halfway through the afternoon, I just decided that that was the day. It's one of the more uncomfortable parts of the story for me is how casual it was on the actual day and the actual moment of doing it.

• 8:06Drew Robinson?

  There was no like emotional buildup of like, oh my gosh, it's about to happen. Or today is the day. It was really the exact opposite. Like, let's go, like, get me out of here. I'm so tired. I don't have any emotion left to do this. So like I said, it was really the same as it was the three months before. It was a little bit of drinking, a little bit of hopelessness and just catastrophizing thoughts just bouncing off one another and a lot of bad justification inside that allowed me to believe that that was the right decision.

• 8:36Fred Taylor?

  I want to pivot, right? I want to go back because it's much deeper than just that day. You know, there's a lot of things that sort of built up to that moment. You know, one can even say the isolation during COVID, you know? But even further than that, your childhood, you know, the dysfunctionality of your household, growing up, the divorce, which you blamed yourself for a lot of the time. And a lot of other things where you felt that you weren't good enough, even in Little League slamming your bat, getting drafted in the fourth round by the Rangers organization. Minor league, then you go up, then you go down, then you're back up. So many different things led up to that day and that moment.

• 9:23Fred Taylor?

  The stresses of life, the pressures.

• 9:26Fred Taylor?

  Can you pinpoint any one specific thing? And I don't like necessarily putting labels on things. But whether it's, you know, I guess it would be self doubt. You know, hating yourself. What specific thing that I guess created the monster that was within?

• 9:48Drew Robinson?

  It's just the compilation of all those things that created a huge monster, really. There's not one thing like a, obviously my self hatred and not feeling good enough. My insecurities of whatever, my low self esteem, my people pleasing and making sure everyone else is good except for myself. All these habits that really at some point in my life did serve me or did help me in some situation. But it became something that was just much bigger than it needed to be in any like one situation. So the compilation aspect of all those things is really what created that that internal world that just convinced me that I was just such a phony and someone that I would end up hating.

• 10:29Drew Robinson?

  So I don't think there's one thing to pinpoint because like I said, it is just a buildup of all these things that I just constantly tried to sweep under the rug and constantly tried not to think about until all the noise stopped and then it was the only thing I thought about. So if one thing, it's really just the compilation of all my experiences without having any kind of healthy coping perspective, practices, techniques, just anything really to lean on during those moments of stress, adverse situations or whatever it may be. I just had nothing that I believe that was worth leaning on until it was too late, unfortunately.

• 11:03Ryan Clark?

  Talking about the entire picture though, and I know.

• 11:08Ryan Clark?

  That day, the day after, all of those things are such large parts of your story. But like, there's other parts of the story that I believe matter. You know, like, you still Drew Robinson, right? You know what I'm saying? The kid from Vegas whose brother got drafted, right? And he's like, "Oh, shoot, I don't know if I could be like my brother." Then you get drafted, you know? You, straight out of high school, you have your time in the minors, you know? You get to text your people like, "Man, look, I made the opening day roster." You know, and in some of those moments, well, I'm just talking for me. You know, like, if I was Drew Robinson, I'd have been like, "Sheee, I got it." Swag. Yeah, I got it. Like, "Look at his hair, his hair look like that now." Imagine a few years ago. Beautiful.

• 11:53Ryan Clark?

  Yeah, you know, like, but in those moments when you were successful and you were accomplishing some of your dreams, were you able to find happiness in that?

• 12:04Drew Robinson?

  Yeah, that's the thing that's so complicated or complex about this whole dynamic is that I was putting on a front in any given moment and saying that, how I said earlier, how it gets exhausting. But at the same time, when I was around people, that was truly myself. I enjoyed being around those people. I enjoyed the life I was living when I was in it. For some reason, it was the issue, once the noise stopped, once I got back to my apartment or got back to the hotel when there was no distractions, it would just, for some reason, consume me that I was being fake when I was out and about before that lonely time. And that's what's so confusing because like, I didn't feel like I was necessarily faking the joy that I was getting from the lifestyle I was living

• 12:47Drew Robinson?

  or the things I was able to achieve. Because now, looking back, it's like, that's why I say there's a level where some of those things might have actually helped me. Because being a perfectionist did push me and create a very high level of motivation at, to some degree, to achieve something that I never thought I would have achieved when I was in, sitting on the bench my sophomore year of high school baseball, like... I think that's something that does help, but again, it's just the level that it gets to where it becomes detrimental. So in those moments, yeah, like I said, that's why it was so surprising to my friends and family and teammates and anyone that was around me, because in those moments, although there was times where I was trying to put on a front of being maybe that cooler guy or showing that confidence like, yeah, I'm Drew Robinson, but really it was more like,

• 13:29Drew Robinson?

  okay, I've seen someone who is confident do it like this, so I will try to be that. And then I'll get back to my more insecure self of being that goofy, shy, kind of funny guy, but just able to be athletic and get by and things like that. But yeah, like in the moment, I had a blast. That's what's, I've said in an interview recently that now my perspective has completely changed where when I think about my baseball career, I kind of think I'm the shit with it. It's like, man, now it's gone too far this way where it's like, okay, let me bring it back towards the middle somewhere. But it's like, obviously I wasn't because I wasn't able to stick as long as I wanted to. But it's just kind of that perspective because, yeah, like when I was achieving the things, it was incredibly fun and fulfilling for me, but it was unfortunately very short-lived because I just had this overwhelming shadow

• 14:12Drew Robinson?

  of just, don't get too arrogant, don't get too arrogant. There's always someone better, there's always a level you can get to that's next. So sure, it's fun, but there's something, there's a next level you can always get to that I just never allowed myself to like fully, fully embrace it.

• 14:27Channing Crowder?

  Yeah, Drew, I'm glad my wife's not here today because I don't want to be around you. I just, you, you, you look too good, you know, I just said. But, but no, it's funny because you kind of preemptively, my next question was that, where you're seeing what you are and who you are. Did it, did it take the situation, did it take the attempted suicide attempt to really click in of the greatness that you are? Bro, people don't get drafted in the fourth round. It's funny, we talked about who with, with Tim Anderson. We just had an interview with somebody else and they were like, I messed around and got drafted. Like, bro, that's not, it's not a mistake that people believe in you like that.

• 15:12Drew Robinson?

  Yeah.

• 15:12Channing Crowder?

  And then, like your situation, and then you see what happens and you see the greatness, did it take?

• 15:20Channing Crowder?

  Everything that you've been through to see that you are exemplary, like you're special.

• 15:26Drew Robinson?

  I don't think so. I didn't need to take that. I'm very confident in saying and being able to, the should've, could've, would've game, I'm very comfortable saying it didn't need to take what I did to learn these lessons. That's why I'm so passionate about talking about it openly because I could've, I'm doing the same things that I'm doing after the fact without anything specifically changing other than obviously my setup of what I did myself, but everything else is exactly the same. My support system is the same, my resources are the same, my family and friends are all the same. So, all these things that I'm getting to experience now because I just practiced vulnerability and practiced just kind of like letting things eat. I could've been doing that beforehand and not had the attempt attached to my name while learning these same lessons.

• 16:09Drew Robinson?

  So, that's why I'm so passionate about talking about this stuff and hoping that people see my experience and learn from my mistake or my lessons learned, like whatever way. I don't really care how they look at it, just don't do what I did until, or don't wait to do what I did to, until it's time to get the help. Like you can work at it the same way I've been working at it and really it created a pretty empowering experience because that's what it's gotten to for me is like, firstly it was obviously scary kind of facing my demons, but it eventually got to a point where I'm like, wow, I'm just like growing so much more in these one, two years than I did the 27 years prior. So, I don't think it needed to take what I did to help me learn the lessons that I've learned so far.

• 16:49Channing Crowder?

  You survived it. You're a survivor. Why do you think God, you know, allowed that to happen?

• 16:57Drew Robinson?

  Yeah, I just think that, just very passionately believe that I was, am supposed to be talking about this openly because, again, like we've talked about, just on paper, nothing points to what I did. So, if I can be experiencing those things and so many other put-together people or successful people or just anyone in the world could be feeling those things. So, if anyone's willing to hear me out or listen to my story, catch a glimpse of what happened and is, sees that and is willing to maybe start the process sooner and not get to the point that I got to and eventually attempt, then that's all that needs to happen because on paper also, there's no reason why I should've survived what I survived. So, I'm very comfortable in saying that.

• 17:40Drew Robinson?

  Higher power, God was having my back and wanting to still use all the experiences that I've been through to try to help others.

• 17:47Ryan Clark?

  Drew, you know, it is obviously something bigger than you. It is God, it is something else that you were meant to be here. But that's not it. You had to make a decision.

• 18:00Drew Robinson?

  No.

• 18:01Ryan Clark?

  You know, this wasn't a, you make the attempt, you pull the trigger, and somebody rushes in and saves you. Somebody sees you on the floor, they call 911 for you. You know, the next day, you had an opportunity to finish the job.

• 18:15Drew Robinson?

  Yeah.

• 18:15Ryan Clark?

  And this isn't one of those circumstances or situations where someone was crying wolf, right? Where there was someone who did this, this big spectacle of, I don't want to be here no more, I want to take my life, and all of y'all come save me from myself.

• 18:34Drew Robinson?

  Right.

• 18:34Ryan Clark?

  You had an opportunity the next day with a cellphone in your hand, with a handgun in the other hand, to make a choice. Which is a choice I can't fathom having to make. And you chose the cellphone, you chose to save yourself. In that moment, knowing what you had previously tried, what made you make that decision?

• 18:56Drew Robinson?

  Man, in that moment, I have no idea. And that's where, I mean, higher power can come into play again because throughout those 20 hours, looking back, I've realized that that's where my self-realization or self-awareness or whatnot actually started because I was finding myself thinking about things in big-picture perspective for the first time, pretty clearly. Obviously, I had tried before then throughout my life, but I was just thinking about how I should, I'm almost 20 hours into this, nothing has happened, the stuff that I was expecting, seeing the movies, that's not happening, I'm not in pain, all these things, like, nothing is making sense. I'm thinking about the future, I'm thinking about baseball.

• 19:40Drew Robinson?

  Under the circumstances, I'm still thinking about playing baseball. There's something that's telling me that I'm supposed to stay. So besides the actual pain part and the confusion of still being there, there was no reason why I should have tried again. And that's why I just went with my gut and was like, okay, maybe I'm supposed to survive this. Let me see if I can. Before I do that, let me take a picture of the moment I chose life. So that's something that I think that my subconscious in that moment knew a little bit more than my conscious self did because I just don't know what was taking place and how it can make any sense. Because throughout those 20 hours, I was thinking about hydration. I was thinking about comforting myself with pain.

• 20:22Drew Robinson?

  And someone who's wanted their life to end doesn't think about those things. They just sit there and wait for the end. So my subconscious god, someone was just constantly having my back to help me get to that step of officially deciding to try to save myself.

• 20:36Ryan Clark?

  Drew, it makes no sense. 20 hours, though. What happens, and I'm short, what happens in 20 hours of waiting to die?

• 20:49Drew Robinson?

  Confusion. I think for me, in that moment, my analytical brain was just running wild of just, how is this happening? How am I still here? How am I still here? How am I still here? How am I still here? I've lost this amount of blood. I have this much damage. I'm in this much physical pain now. How is this happening? I just couldn't understand. I couldn't fathom how I was still conscious and coherent and like thinking things through with the amount of damage I had. So in those 20 hours, I was just constantly thinking or trying to figure out how this is still happening. And then the other part, I guess that was kind of going in and out of, was really just thinking of my family, my loved ones. There was a moment where my dad came over.

• 21:31Drew Robinson?

  He was actually in my garage during this time where he was working out in my garage gym. But because he's too respectful of a dad, he didn't come in without my permission. So I was thinking about how if he would have came in and walked in and seen his son like that. I was just really thinking about that analytical part and confusion and really just about my family and friends and all the people that I would be hurting. So that's the part that's so... Interesting for me is that I was not thinking about myself in the moments as often as I think most people would think. I was just nonstop thinking about setting things up for my family, my friends. I know this is gonna traumatize them and I'm not saying anything's gonna make it easier, but if there's something that I can do that possibly make it one tick easier, I'm gonna

• 22:16Drew Robinson?

  try to do it. So, I was constantly just trying to think of them, really just sitting there waiting in a very high level of confusion because, again, anatomically, I've been told there's no reason why I should've gone through it.

• 22:28Channing Crowder?

  Chronologically, you pulled the trigger and then there's 20 hours. Like, that's cra- like, you read the story, it's crazy to hear. Like, you pulled the trigger, is it, is it a time of, you don't remember?

• 22:43Drew Robinson?

  No.

• 22:43Channing Crowder?

  Like, what, what, like, you pulled the trigger and then you're still there?

• 22:48Drew Robinson?

  Yeah. I remember very vividly what I was looking at before, pulled it, and still seeing the same thing. So, the first about 30 seconds, I was just, again, confused that I didn't, what I've seen in the movies didn't happen. I thought that I missed somehow, thought there was a blank round. I was in shock, physical shock, so I wasn't actually feeling anything, like, any pain. Um, and so it wasn't until I actually saw, looked down and saw some blood that I, I did it. And how am I still seeing things? So, the first four hours, there was no physical pain because I was still in shock. It was just simply, what is happening? How am I still here?

• 23:30Drew Robinson?

  How is, how am I still, like, thinking clearly, not like, in and out of consciousness? I was just, I mouthwashed. I cleaned my, I cleaned up, I got off the couch. I was thinking about how if I mess up this couch, my family not, might not be able to sell it and make some money during this hard time.

• 23:48Drew Robinson?

  Just the amount of clearness that I had, or not clearness, coherency that I had during that moment.

• 23:55Drew Robinson?

  Like I said, every time I think about it, every time I talk about it, I equally, I still get shocked because it doesn't make any sense from a body function anatomical perspective.

• 24:06Fred Taylor?

  I can only, surface level, you know, feel your pain, the shit you was going through. For that, you know, I admire your strength, your courage, determination even now, to want to go and share your story. But you had a quote, "Your mind is your servant, not your master." Could you speak to that for us?

• 24:26Drew Robinson?

  I've been blessed with amazing group of people around me. And during my, my healing, my physical healing, I was connected with Hunter Pence in a very mentorship kind of way. And he is incredibly insightful and mindful and wise. And he's, he walks the walk when it comes to practicing, and practicing bettering yourself. And that's just a quote that he had shared with me at one point during one of our conversations. And it just stuck out to me because just what the quote says, I was just constantly serving this fake master of my mind. I used to talk to myself in ways of like, we'll try our best, like we, we, we, like as if there's another thing. So it's just understanding that you have so much more

• 25:11Drew Robinson?

  control of your perspective and how you choose to live your life or how you choose to respond. And I say that also from someone who's still learning it. And I'm not, I'm not fully there yet or still make the, I don't know, decisions or habitual reactions to things I'm not proud of, but.

• 25:28Speaker 00

  Are your ad campaigns lighting up the dashboard? But not the pipeline? That's bull spend. And marketers are calling it out in Dashboard Confessions.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  My boss asked for results, so I opened my dashboard for the only positive sounding metric I had. Impressions.

• 25:44Speaker 00

  Cut the bull spend. See revenue, not just reach. LinkedIn delivers the highest return on ad spend of major ad networks. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a $250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com/campaign. Terms and conditions apply.

• 25:57Drew Robinson?

  We are in a lot more control of our feelings and our perspective and how things are happening in our lives than we might realize. And it's taken me three and a half years to just get the slightest bit of growth with that, but it's possible. So I just think that quote of understanding that you are in charge of.

• 26:15Drew Robinson?

  Of all these things, rather than just kind of like by chance, or just kind of going with the flow and seeing what happens. And it really can become life changing. So it's just a quote that, again, Hunter mentioned just kind of quickly one day, as if it was just another conversation. I was like, whoa, whoa, let's go back. Let me, what was that again? Let me write this down.

• 26:32Fred Taylor?

  Right.

• 26:33Drew Robinson?

  It's gonna be something I might use. And of course, it's something that's come up a bunch.

• 26:37Fred Taylor?

  There's joy, you know, in your smile and your story. And we all root for a happy ending. But again, that's surface level. What struggles, you know, do you have? You know, not, not physically, but you know, you still, I would think that there are some things that come and go, you know? So what, what are those struggles?

• 26:59Drew Robinson?

  Yeah, I mean, really the same thought patterns and, and those internal habits or reactions that I had beforehand. I like to word it as I was a 27 year old vet in the pessimistic world. And now I'm a one, two, three, now three and a half year rookie in just perspective, practice and mindfulness, and trying to tap into some kind of optimism on a consistent downstream effect way, instead of just like having constantly re-shift and adjust to my initial reaction, which is pessimistic or, or anger or self doubt. But yeah, my, I mean, the same challenges or same thought patterns

• 27:39Drew Robinson?

  of being incredibly people-pleasy, incredibly insecure with my intelligence, feeling like an inconvenience to people that I'm asking for too much, or if I'm literally just doing anything that they feel a sense of responsibility because I'm Drew and I'm, let's make sure he's okay. So I will drop things to be with him. So there's these new sense of newfound things of guilt that again, are just made up in my head perspective that I have to spend time shifting. But like I said, the same habits and things that got me to that point are still there. I'm just much more aware of them now. And I think I'm able to kind of recognize them earlier on in the process before they get too judgmental. But even saying that, I think. It's a good reminder that like,

• 28:24Drew Robinson?

  people who start this journey of mental health or taking care of themselves in a more mindful way is that that doesn't mean all of a sudden, all of a sudden you're just healed. I've like really had to learn the process of, or understanding that it's just constantly healing or learning or growing instead of a finished product or a fixed product. I naively believed that early on in the process that I was kind of getting to a point where I was like, man, I'm kind of flowing with this like, now like I got it. And then adversity or like some kind of habit shows up again or something shows itself and I get incredibly frustrated again because I'm like, I thought I knew better, but we're all human and we all kind of fall in those traps at times and we're really just trying our best. But I think the concept is knowing that there's always going to be challenges

• 29:08Drew Robinson?

  or there's, there's going to be something that could potentially throw you off track and that's okay. So like practicing some acceptance with those things and not like thinking it's because I'm some kind of idiot or some insecure baby or something like that, you know? Like it doesn't need to get so extreme. So all these habits and all these challenges are still there. It's just I think that I'm able to recognize them a little bit earlier and I'm willing to kind of accept them and address them from a non-disruptive way with myself a little bit more often. Not all the time, but I'm trying my best.

• 29:40Ryan Clark?

  You mentioned understanding that you're in, you have more control than you believe. And as athletes, we always try to think that way. If I work this hard, if I put in this amount of effort, if I put in this amount of time, these are the results. You know, for you, you finally make the opening day roster. It takes a while for you to get a chance. A week later, you get sent back down. But three of your first four hits leave the yard. You know, I mean, I, again, would feel really good about myself. But I own a training facility and I've learned that, you know, we see all the big contracts and you hear about them, but minor leagues and trying to work your way

• 30:24Ryan Clark?

  to be on that roster each and every day is extremely difficult. When you do feel like you have the skill and you have shown it on the biggest stage, but you aren't in control of the amount of time you get to spend on a major league roster, you're sent back down. How did those things affect you and start to play a part in some of that insecurity?

• 30:44Drew Robinson?

  I was really good at making it about making...

• 30:49Drew Robinson?

  Myself believed that this other part of me was just being ridiculous, or arrogant, or whatnot, because there was, again, the logical or more rational part of me that was able to see the truth or the reality in any kind of circumstance. I was young, so I had the roster flexibility. So it wasn't, I knew that, a part of me knew that it wasn't necessarily my performance, which is because I was the young guy who was able to go up and down. But the other part of me was able to just kind of bash the other side and be like, "No, F this, like, this is just so annoying," and make it a pity party. And those two were just kind of battling against each other. And it was like, so exhausting, because it's, again, I think it sounds kind of weird, but I think it's, everyone can relate,

• 31:34Drew Robinson?

  that we all have our conversations, we all have that voice that we kind of think to ourselves. And sometimes I just feel like I would kind of just sit back and be like, "What are these two doing?" Or "What are these three doing?" Or whatever, however many of these voices from different perspectives we're going at with each other. And it was just like, I'm still, like, again, myself now, the 2020 hindsight, it's not an eye joke, but it's something that's there. I definitely didn't know if I could laugh, though.

• 32:01Drew Robinson?

  I take advantage of it.

• 32:02Channing Crowder?

  I would laugh at something else, I heard.

• 32:03Drew Robinson?

  I take advantage of it. I let it eat with eye jokes.

• 32:08Drew Robinson?

  2020 hindsight, just knowing that, like, those things are just, that's just a part of it. Like, that is something that, like, of course it's there, but also 2020 hindsight, that I just, I got to experience everything that I had ever wanted as a kid. I didn't do a good job of adjusting my goals of getting to the next step, even though, obviously, I was trying my hardest to become an everyday player, become an All-Star, become a World Series champion. I think that I was subconsciously so pleased with just making the big leagues that I got a little bit of complacency in me. But I didn't have the awareness to realize that's what was happening. And I was working incredibly hard, but I was also like, "Man, I should have been released like three separate times before this." So this is kind of like icing the cake, and I should enjoy this a little bit more.

• 32:52Drew Robinson?

  But that internal battle of different kind of perspectives or different thoughts didn't allow me to kind of realize that in the moment.

• 33:00Channing Crowder?

  How could it be different? When people like, you had a great support system, like you had people around you. What could they have done? Because, bro, you were a monster. Like, you get drafted, you know what I'm saying? Like, bro, you were a fucking monster. Bro, you went back with one fucking eye and started hitting home runs. Like, let's be honest, like, we've seen the story. Like, what could have changed this story?

• 33:27Drew Robinson?

  The same thing that can change a lot of people's stories is that we need to make space for it a little bit more. It doesn't need to become everybody's entirety of their life. But I think we just need to include it in our day to day, our day to day lives a little bit more often. So, that's why I'm so passionate about talking about it, because it's like, I don't need to be this like, kind of hippie, like zen Buddha person, like, great if I get there and like, whatever, that's where I become one day. That's great too, but I'm just saying like, I can still be the same me where I, I don't know, I laugh and joke about funny movies. I quote memes like all my other friends and like to be stylish. But then I can also like take time to check on my boys and let them know I love them.

• 34:07Drew Robinson?

  And mix it into our day to day life, like we do everything else and not make it such an extreme occurrence. Or like a soft occurrence, like, no, like, dude, we've been boys for 10 years, like, of course I love you. Like, I don't have any shame in saying that anymore, like, is everything okay? And if there isn't, like, I understand, life gets harder sometimes, I know that better than anybody. So, if you ever need an ear to talk to, it's not gonna judge you, I'm here. So, I just think that that's something that can be worked in to where it's like, nothing needs to drastically change. It can just take those small steps and make, becoming more comfortable with practicing vulnerability. And knowing that really, that's kind of like the strongest thing that anyone will be willing to do. Because as someone who was trying to show fake confidence my entire life, just letting go and being vulnerable has given me all the confidence I was always dying for beforehand.

• 34:52Drew Robinson?

  So, I don't think anything needed to be different, other than just talking about it a little bit more, which needed to come from me, but I didn't have the strength to do that, and that's why I'm so. Passionate and so honored when I see people taking those steps. Because I'm like dang, they have the balls to do what I didn't or what I wasn't able to. No matter how ugly it looks, no matter how irrational it looks, dramatic it looks. It's like, that's the reality and they're, they're starting that first step that a lot of people unfortunately aren't willing to take. So I think just talking about it a little bit more, a little more casually and being proud of it. I, I'm very passionate about bragging about mental health work because realistically it becomes life or death or not everyone's willing to do it. And it's like, if it's not a separator in life, then so be it. Like, why can't we brag about a good therapy session the same way we brag about our new personal best in the gym?

• 35:35Drew Robinson?

  Like, they're both helping us grow in ways that we're needing in any moment. So, a long way of saying I just think it needs to be added into the casual, day-to-day stuff. Because, again, everyone has been through stuff that's hard and sometimes it's confusing. It's like, trying to act like it's not affecting you. It's, it helps sometimes, but most of the time it's gonna catch up to you.

• 35:55Fred Taylor?

  Talking about being proud, can we get some tissue for this young lady back here?

• 36:04Fred Taylor?

  Oh man, that's so amazing. Wow, I just see it in her face, just the way she lights up. You know, just how she's shedding a few tears back there.

• 36:15Ryan Clark?

  This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. And what better episode to be brought to you by a company that wants to provide online therapy? Drew Robinson was dealing with things that were beyond his control, beyond his reach and beyond his understanding. And that's exactly what companies like BetterHelp are for. So many people are scared to go to therapy, scared to admit that they need that sort of help. But betterhelp.com/thepivot is here for you to get an opportunity to talk to someone, to share with someone. And have those thoughts that are in your head that can ruin or rule your day be hashed out in a way that allows you to make better decisions than Drew. And so you can make better decisions than Drew made.

• 36:57Ryan Clark?

  Go to betterhelp.com/thepivot today and you'll get 10% off of your first month. Get a break from your thoughts with betterhelp.com. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash the pivot. You know, I've spoken about it on this show before. One of my best friends committed suicide when I was 18. And as his friend, you think about what you could have done differently. You, you miss him. You're pissed off with him at times. And you have all of these things you would have liked the opportunity to say to him. Before this happens, you break it off with Diana.

• 37:43Ryan Clark?

  You start preparing yourself to let everybody off the hook. To let them know this is something that you could not have prevented. This isn't about you, this is about me. And it's a failed attempt to take your life. And now, all of these people who, I don't know if they could separate that you actually didn't finish it. That it actually didn't work. Because I would have to think the feeling still is, someone I love so much, someone I'm so close to, someone I want to support, someone I have supported, was to a point where they felt like they couldn't come to me. Where they felt like we couldn't do enough and wanted to take his life.

• 38:26Ryan Clark?

  What has it been like rebuilding those relationships?

• 38:30Drew Robinson?

  It's really been, I mean, it's been a lot of things for one, but it's just been special. I think, again, I was fortunate to have a very clear understanding very immediately that I, I can't hold this in anymore. I can't hide anything. I have nothing to lose. Floodgates have opened. So it just created a very quick willingness to just let it all out in, in a good way. Not overbearing, inappropriate, or whatever, insensitive. Just people that are in my life, I love you. And I was able to create a level of connection that happened quicker in those weeks, months, years since now, that were deeper than the 27 years before, however long I had known the people before. Because...

• 39:14Drew Robinson?

  We were able to just be completely honest and just vulnerable with not having anything to hide because we saw unfortunately what it can lead to. And it's like, I would rather hear about the worst of your worst, or the most dramatic of your dramatic, or whatever feels out of control for you, and just listen to you and ask what you need from it, rather than have to hear about you. So, again, incredibly tough to the same time. I felt a new sense of pressure, responsibility to be good at all times, because any sign of struggle, or any sign of anger, or any kind of irritability, could trigger them into worrying because, oh my gosh, you might try again. So, that was something that I've learned to, that's gonna be a part of it to some degree at all times, which is totally fine.

• 39:59Drew Robinson?

  And that's why I feel comfortable just sharing things more often, because I see that as like, if I'm not sharing this, that's when it becomes, if I'm always trying to hide this again, that's when I know it becomes a weight that I won't be able to hold anymore. So, me sharing incrementally that I'm struggling a little bit here, but not so severely, that small act to try to avoid something bigger. It really just created a very special connection of just honesty and vulnerability and love that we all, again, sometimes acted, or sometimes even had, and were just willing to show because we were, there's nothing to lose at that point. I couldn't hide anything anymore. So, it was like, Chad, my big macho, burly dude of a brother, I love you, man.

• 40:41Ryan Clark?

  Right.

• 40:42Drew Robinson?

  You know, it was like...

• 40:43Ryan Clark?

  Was anybody ever like, what the F though, bro? You know, like, I just could feel myself, and like, if you were my little brother, just being like, hey, man, like, for real, like, I love you, I'm glad you're here, but like, I wanna beat the piss out of you, you know? You know what I'm saying? Were there ever any of those conversations where they could be honest with you too? And talk about anger, and talk about how upset, you know, they were about the situation?

• 41:10Drew Robinson?

  Yeah, and to be honest, that's another, just kind of vote of honesty that I was getting from people, and kind of like, connection and pride in our relationship, whoever it was, because there was a couple of people that had the balls to just say like, man, I just... I'm not like happy with you right now, but I'm so happy you're here.

• 41:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:31Drew Robinson?

  But they were willing to just, knowing that it's a vulnerable time, a sensitive time, but were able to keep it real with me because that's important. Like, they need to get that off their chest. And that's what, I just think that the example of being honest and like, if it's coming from a nonjudgmental place, then it's fine. It's coming from a place of empathy where I'm listening with empathetic ears instead of judgmental ears. Where if I was still defensive about it or trying to prove something, then yeah, maybe that would have triggered me into resisting that person or trying to push them away or feeling like they're attacking me. But because I was just willing to hear them out and be empathetic and then the same thing happened with them was where they just listened to my response with no judgment. It just created a very connective experience where it's like,

• 42:16Drew Robinson?

  yeah, that's our, that's our truth right now. It's like, we don't need to change it. We can, we can try to learn from it or grow with it or adjust it or heal it. But we don't need to hide what's happening unless it becomes disrespectful. But it's something that created a lot of unbelievable conversation.

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• 43:04Drew Robinson?

  I was a very surface level person and talked a lot and joked a lot. But like, the amount of just deep conversations I had afterwards were just never ending. I just could not get off the phone because I didn't want to. And I couldn't stop talking about my experiences or the things that I've kind of like connected the dots to from earlier in my life to now and all like better articulation with all these things. It's just created a really... A really powerful space to connect and have people be honest with me and me be honest with them.

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• 44:39Channing Crowder?

  Did your role change? Because as we, as we, we make it. You know what I'm saying? Like you make it and you're, you're this patriarch of the family. And you have the money and you have the success and you have the fame and all. And then like people start treating you like a victim. You know? Like, did your, did your role change and how did you deal with that? Because just hearing you talk and it's like, I started, I started listening more. I started talking to people more. I tried to help people. But when I was 22 years old and a millionaire, like that wasn't on my mind. And so, you know what I'm saying? Like the, the change in you as people continue to try to figure you out.

• 45:23Channing Crowder?

  But then that happens. Your situation happens. Like, how did that change you?

• 45:28Drew Robinson?

  I just took the, the, the chains off. I just let, I just let everything come out as authentically as I could and wasn't. I finally didn't feel shame about being myself. It sounds silly because looking back, like not to brag, but I, I was a good dude. I was a good person and I was a good friend and I was a fun person to be around. But I wasn't ashamed finally to be that person for some reason. I didn't think I was faking it. I didn't think. It just felt this incredibly freeing feeling afterwards where I was able to just kind of like, I don't know, just be myself and be able, let other people be themselves with me because they know that no matter how crazy it might sound, I can understand, or I can relate, or I can empathize because I've been there, or I've been somewhere near it, or something

• 46:13Drew Robinson?

  like that. So I just think that the change has just allowed an insane level of acceptance, or just awareness with things that allow me to feel a little bit more free at times, a little bit more peaceful. But it is an ebb and flow kind of thing.

• 46:30Channing Crowder?

  People look at you now, even knowing your story and coming to like, do you feel coddled? Like, you know what I'm saying?

• 46:36Drew Robinson?

  I don't feel it anymore, but that was definitely a newfound thing that I had to kind of like work through after the fact. When I was fortunate enough to sign the contract to try to make the comeback, or just get a tryout basically in spring training, I don't know how many times I said the word charity case to my people or in my journal. I just, I had a very hard time not thinking that it was just, not the whole thing, but there was a part of it being like, this is just a really cool story. He's not good enough, but it's, let's let him try. And which, I didn't have any evidence or any sign of why that is actually happening, or that why that would be true, but it was just this made up thing to try to bring myself down again that I was really good at doing for myself.

• 47:20Drew Robinson?

  So for some reason, that's a part of it, but I mean, I think it's understood. Like I said earlier, I think the severity of it and the intensity of it is warranting to have people worry. Have people worry about me.

• 47:35Channing Crowder?

  Yeah, like, yeah, you're a motherfucker. Like, yeah, you do, you do, you do baseball at a level that people can't do baseball at.

• 47:45Fred Taylor?

  That's how you get drafted. I mean, that's the...

• 47:47Channing Crowder?

  But...

• 47:48Drew Robinson?

  I mean, I think we can all agree that we all agree that no matter what level it is. Yeah.

• 47:52Channing Crowder?

  That you do baseball better than 99% of these motherfuckers that try baseball?

• 47:57Drew Robinson?

  That's why I said now I do. And it's probably because, I mean, my perspective practicing that I do now, but also I'm not in the trenches anymore. I'm not getting beat down by failure after, or error after error, or mistake after mistake, or perceived not living up to my potential on a day-to-day basis. But, yeah, I mean, I'm able to see, and that's what's so special about my baseball career now, is that I'm able to see all the freaking lessons it taught me and all these things that I got to experience that my seven-year-old self, 10-year-old self, 16-year-old self was drooling over to be able to experience and working as hard as I possibly could in those moments to experience the things. But in the moment, I just thought there was a next thing and not ever actually taken it for...

• 48:38Channing Crowder?

  What it was at that moment.

• 48:40Drew Robinson?

  I was taking it for granted. So, I just think, yeah, like, I think we all can all agree that, like, whatever level you get to, you get there and you can quickly realize that there is a next level and there's always that next thing. So, it's that destination-happiness kind of concept where it's like, there is always the next available. And it's like, we think that's going to motivate us to get there, which it does, but doesn't need to, like, completely eat us up to where it's like, that's the only thing on our mind. Because like I said, for seven years in the minor leagues, all I ever wanted to do was get to the big leagues. And when I did, it was like, alright, how did I become a starter? If I would've gotten a full-time starting job, then I'd be like, alright, how do I, how do we get this team to the World Series? If I would've got that, then alright, now I need to be an All-Star, then I need to be MVP, then I need to be Hall of Famer. Just, it would've been never-ending. So, like, again,

• 49:22Drew Robinson?

  it's not the worst thing to be striving for, obviously, but I'm just, I think that perspective of, like, knowing that you can be grateful or be, like, proud of yourself and still be striving for the next thing. It doesn't always have to be such an all-or-nothing mindset where it's like, no, I just need to be that next, that best, best, best. It's like, I'm gonna try, I'm gonna work and become the best, but I'm also gonna celebrate myself or feel good about myself, so that way I don't end up hating the world, even though I'm living exactly the life that I wanted.

• 49:50Fred Taylor?

  Yeah, that's a good thing. Perspective. I think you said that's the easiest and hardest thing.

• 49:54Drew Robinson?

  Yeah.

• 49:55Fred Taylor?

  All at the same time. But we can always look at or view it as if we're watching a television show. Well, we can always run it back. I was just looking at Ryan's, um, before I say that, I want to remind you. You spoke in the past tense when you said you was. No, you are. You know what I'm saying? You are that guy.

• 50:16Drew Robinson?

  Yeah.

• 50:16Fred Taylor?

  Uh, but Ryan's shirt says, "Never Alone." That's a constant reminder that we have to tell ourselves that we have support systems. People that love the fuck out of us. That only wants to see us do great and move in greatness. And with that, I wanted to ask you, what organizations, you know, um, uh, that, that you're working with now? In your quest to share your story, you know, provoke positivity, optimism? And encourage, you know, kids that are not always thinking highly of themselves. You know, just to let the people know. So maybe that you can kind of help them as they go through what they're going through.

• 50:58Drew Robinson?

  The first one is if anyone's like anywhere close to where I was. The 998 hotline is so crucial. It's, it's literally the 911 of mental health and suicidality. So if anyone's getting, is, is there or getting there or even showing the smallest signs? It's a call or text line 24/7 Spanish or English? With trained professionals that are willing to help you talk you through the moment of crisis. So that's just a, a lifeline that's available to everybody in the country. Uh, which is such an amazing thing. And then I think just the next thing is getting connected with some kind of provider? Or just actually talking to somebody. I, coming from someone who's not a trained professional and doesn't know the science behind anything.

• 51:42Drew Robinson?

  There is just something so powerful about just talking about it. I would, I would feel comfortable guessing that most people that are struggling are similar to me. Where they just never talked about it and never voiced it. Because we can justify a lot of things internally and, and convince ourselves that it's true or feels right. Or we have clarity on it. But as soon as we try to talk about it out loud, it, you realize just how jumbled it is? And how untrue it feels when you say it out loud. But, I mean, if you can use like the simplest example of like anytime we eat cake or drink or something. We all know that that's not necessarily the best idea, but we can justify and like, yeah, it's okay. So that feeling of justification that's happening inside anyone that's going through it.

• 52:23Drew Robinson?

  Getting it out and getting off your mind, off your chest. There's something powerful about it and I can speak from experience. Like there's plenty of times where I go in with a pretty clear feeling of what I'm gonna talk about in my therapy session that week. And once I start talking about it, I realize I have no clarity on it. Or I do and I say it out loud and I literally catch myself. My therapist doesn't even say anything. I'm like, you know what? That's not actually how I see things. That's not how I think about the world. And it's a very powerful thing just to talk about it. Finding the clarity, the articulation, anchors to the feelings, the thoughts that are usually coming from some kind of past event or past experience. Something very powerful about that. So, starting with talking to a loved one, friend, coworker, provider, and then again,

• 53:06Drew Robinson?

  that text and call line is seriously life-saving. That's what it's there for. So, and then just knowing there's a lot of different options. It's not just therapy. That's something that I've had to learn too. It's like, alright, ready to start therapy and ready to take whatever medication that I've been afraid to take. Fix me overnight. It's like, there's a lot of different ways to find some healing and find some growth. So, just know that for someone who's feeling hopeless, or feeling like there's no way out, or no feeling, or no fix, there's a lot of ways and there's a lot of evidence, if you look around, that people were able to pull themselves out of their darkest pit and improve things and get to a place of some more stability. So, however they wanna look at it, there's a lot of evidence either way to support the decision.

• 53:51Fred Taylor?

  My perspective is, you just said you're not a trained professional. But like in sports, you have some coaches that go out there and they just talk, right? They don't always win, they just talk. And they might have a decent following. But then you have some coaches that are, you know, that have done it. They've won championships and it's easy to buy into their messages. And for you, no, you're not a trained professional, but the experience of it all, I would rather hear it from you. I think you can save more lives than any trained professional out there because you've been there, right? And so that's, that's my perspective on it all. And man, I just love a great ending to everything and shit, bro.

• 54:36Fred Taylor?

  I'm rooting for you each and every fucking step of the way. I mean, I love your story. I love your courage. As I just said, I admire it. Man, when RC mentioned this opportunity...

• 54:48Fred Taylor?

  I was a bit choked up and I said, man, we gotta go into it. But it's gonna save so many people.

• 54:57Drew Robinson?

  Appreciate it.

• 54:57Fred Taylor?

  That's why we love this platform. And I'm not wrapping it up. I'm just speaking from my heart because that's what I feel.

• 55:03Drew Robinson?

  No, man, I appreciate it.

• 55:04Fred Taylor?

  I appreciate you, man.

• 55:05Ryan Clark?

  Yeah, you know.

• 55:06Fred Taylor?

  For sure.

• 55:07Ryan Clark?

  It is extremely fascinating. You know, obviously, part of this is entertainment. But a large part of it is just telling stories and allowing people to tell their stories in their own way. But the questions come from our curiosity. You know, you talk about those 20 hours and thinking about your life and your relationships and all these different things. How much did you think about baseball?

• 55:38Drew Robinson?

  Before or during?

• 55:39Ryan Clark?

  During the 20 hours.

• 55:41Drew Robinson?

  It was a really quick moment. It wasn't much. It was the next day after I had woken up after sleep.

• 55:50Drew Robinson?

  There was a moment where I was just kind of walking back to my room and noticed myself in the mirror the next day and saw the damage, which was about 12 hours in. So there was a lot more swelling and more visual damage. And I just remember thinking, man, I'm not gonna be able to play baseball again. And that's where that like self, like big picture realization happened for the first time because I literally caught myself and was like thinking to myself, if I'm thinking about baseball, thinking towards the future, I want to survive now? What's going on now? So it wasn't much time about baseball, but it was that moment that kind of caught myself into thinking towards the future. But then again, I kind of like backtracked after that where I was thinking about getting hydration.

• 56:33Drew Robinson?

  I was thinking I took a pain pill or a Tylenol to try to help with the pain. Like I was doing things like very small passive acts to help myself get to the next second, the next minute, the next hour. But I didn't have the understanding of what I was actually doing until I thought about baseball. I was like, holy hell, I've been thinking about the future this whole time. I do want help. Let me ask for it finally.

• 56:56Ryan Clark?

  Do you know what the number one trait and characteristic of baseball Hall of Famers is?

• 57:07Drew Robinson?

  I don't. I'm trying to think of one.

• 57:09Ryan Clark?

  It's perfect eyesight.

• 57:13Ryan Clark?

  The number one trait of baseball Hall of Famers is perfect eyesight and...

• 57:19Drew Robinson?

  What, you mean like actually like a 2020 eyesight?

• 57:22Ryan Clark?

  It's 2020 eyesight.

• 57:23Drew Robinson?

  Like all their files will say 2020 when they played?

• 57:25Ryan Clark?

  Most of them. It's in the book, uh, Sports Gene, actually. There was a doctor...

• 57:31Drew Robinson?

  That's so awesome.

• 57:32Ryan Clark?

  Yeah, there was a...

• 57:34Drew Robinson?

  Because I have unreal vision still.

• 57:35Ryan Clark?

  Yeah, there was a, yeah, there was a, there was a doctor who worked with, uh, with the Mets, with Mike, Mike Piazza played for the Mets, and they asked him after the, you know, the physicals and all those things, like, is there any rookie or any guy that you think can be a good player? And he's like, "That guy." And I was like, "Well, he's drafted." And Mike Piazza was drafted very deep into the draft, but it was because he had perfect eyesight. And when that night happens and you see the damage in the mirror, you know, and you do realize like, dang, I'm not gonna be able to play baseball anymore. When you come out of it and you realize you still want to play, that you still have some of the capabilities,

• 58:19Ryan Clark?

  how much do, does that dream of, of, of getting fully back still live in you?

• 58:25Drew Robinson?

  It only happens every once in a while in watching baseball, and I'm seeing a lot of my, my ex-teammates, friends still playing, um, or seeing people that, whether it's right or wrong, that I thought was better than, still getting a chance. Like, we've all been there. We've all seen the guy that we thought we were better than getting more opportunity. And so there's times where I think about it then, but I'm also incredibly comfortable with knowing that I got to go out on my own terms. I got to make my comeback. I got to have this unbelievable experience. It didn't go as well as I was hoping statistically, but the overall experience and what I was able to, to what I feel accomplished is something that I never would have dreamed would be a part of my story.

• 59:06Drew Robinson?

  So to be able to go out on my own terms, I know is an incredibly rare thing in all athletics. We all kind of get told we're not good enough anymore, and I can see that I wasn't good enough anymore, but getting to go out on my own terms and walk away with, and move into this new role, the way that it did, the way that it worked out is just another...

• 59:25Drew Robinson?

  Small part of the story of like why things are just working in a way that I have no control over and I'm just kind of going along with the ride.

• 59:31Channing Crowder?

  I gotta, I'm gonna get very elementary. You still get bad bitches.

• 59:37Channing Crowder?

  Like.

• 59:38Ryan Clark?

  The one behind him, Chaney.

• 59:39Channing Crowder?

  That's his old lady?

• 59:40Ryan Clark?

  Yes.

• 59:41Channing Crowder?

  Oh, that's his old lady?

• 59:43Drew Robinson?

  It's new. It's new.

• 59:45Channing Crowder?

  I was gonna say like.

• 59:47Drew Robinson?

  It's still good. Yeah, I was literally just about to have the hard launch a couple of minutes ago on the IG, but yeah.

• 59:52Channing Crowder?

  Really? That's the pivot. The pivot breaks relationships.

• 59:58Channing Crowder?

  She's very beautiful. I didn't mean to say it in the terms I said it in.

• 1:00:03Drew Robinson?

  What do we think, sister or something?

• 1:00:04Channing Crowder?

  That's beautiful. I thought it was, yeah, like your handle or something. That's your old lady. Sorry.

• 1:00:09Fred Taylor?

  You ain't see the tears?

• 1:00:10Channing Crowder?

  Oh my god. I know she was, that's why I thought it was family, but yeah, like, oh, my bad, brother. I'm sorry.

• 1:00:16Ryan Clark?

  Drew, this happens a lot on our show, bro.

• 1:00:18Drew Robinson?

  I'm here for it. This is vulnerability right here. I love it.

• 1:00:21Ryan Clark?

  It goes a lot of places, Drew. It goes a lot of places. For you, man, what's, like, I want to say something about when you said, if I would have made the roster or been an everyday player, then it would have been, I want to be an All-Star, I want to win a World Series. That's actually human.

• 1:00:36Drew Robinson?

  Right, and that's what I'm saying like that. When I say these things, it's not like, again, my all or nothing brain of mine is like, well, that means I'm going to be complacent because then I'm not going, it's like, that's why I say like, it's okay to be both things, or you can do, or you can feel two things at once, three things at once. Like, I can feel incredibly motivated or strive for greatness, while also experiencing a couple of minutes here and there of like, I'm proud of myself. Or like, I'm here where I, this is just a part of the process now. Like, I, this is as far as I kind of envisioned, but I can readjust my goals to get to the next thing while still being proud of myself or still feeling grateful for being here instead of taking it for granted. I think that's something that, again. I still struggle with where it's like when I think one thing that means the opposite is unacceptable.

• 1:01:20Drew Robinson?

  Or if I shift from one thing, then that means I'm going all the way on the other side with the polarizing experience of complacency. So I think I like to call it the sweet spots, like always whatever the polarizing thoughts or emotions or habits are like, there's usually some kind of sweet spot in there that's very natural for all of us. So like when I'm talking to like high school kids or athletes, it's like, yeah, Kobe Bryant, the mama mentality is great. It's gonna help you get there, but like if that's not naturally who you are, you're gonna burn out at some point because that's not naturally who you are. So is there somewhere near like the 80%, 90% range where you're not being complacent, but you're still working incredibly hard and that's who you are and you're like, need to take a little bit more breaks, you're not able to do the 4 a.m.

• 1:02:00Drew Robinson?

  free throws with a broken wrist anymore, but it's like, I'm still trying, I'm still working incredibly hard. So again, that all or nothing part of my brain, sometimes it feels hard to even say those things still because it's like, no, I need to be elite, elite, it's like, I'm gonna be elite, like I'm, I know that I'm gonna be elite.

• 1:02:17Ryan Clark?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:18Drew Robinson?

  But it takes time and I need to also take time to kind of fill my cup. And sometimes that means sleeping more than eight hours, sometimes that means passing on something that I think would have helped me get there a little bit faster, but it's like, I just really need to fill my cup with X, Y, Z. So I just think it's like fair to to strive for greatness and get to that next thing because like you said, we're all human, like we're all going to try to that, it's just part of us. I think working into the more subconscious of like, can also work to kind of have that balance or that more that that harmony of like going back and forth with it as opposed to constantly just trying to be something that is forced.

• 1:02:52Ryan Clark?

  I was an undrafted guy and so for me it was like make a team. Right? And then when I made the team, I was like, okay, I was excited about that, you know, I had more money than I'd ever had in my life, even though it wasn't a ton at that time, it was become a starter. Then after a starter, it was, you know, be, be a guy that gets a second contract and all of those things. But I was grateful in all of those moments and I still wanted more. That's not just ball, you know, and I want to end with here, it's life too.

• 1:03:20Drew Robinson?

  Right.

• 1:03:20Ryan Clark?

  Right? You, you and God gave yourself a second chance. And now in that second chance, you are progressing to be a voice, you are progressing to be someone that is helping others who may be in your position, you're continuing these relationships, continuing to build them, rebuild them, and learn a way to sustain them. What are your continued goals for growth as a human, as a person?

• 1:03:45Drew Robinson?

  Just continuing to learn new things or get outside of my comfort zone, or be willing to practice what I feel I'm preaching at times, or practice what I've been being advised or taught to do. Because I think a lot of the distress that I caused myself was that I knew that I wasn't living in alignment with what I knew I needed to do, or what I believed was better for me. So just continuing to walk the walk, try to lead by example, and honestly, just continue on this journey as of right now. I think that's something that I feel comfortable finally saying is that, I don't really know, like I going into it as open as a mind as I possibly could right now. Where it's like, she was, she was, she used to work for the Rangers

• 1:04:26Drew Robinson?

  and saw me get, get all stuttery in front of a group of 10, 10-year-old kids at a youth baseball thing while I'm talking about baseball.

• 1:04:34Ryan Clark?

  Right.

• 1:04:35Drew Robinson?

  I am the major league baseball player, but I still am stuttering because I'm so nervous to talk to them. And I used to stutter after, after games with one little camera in my face asking the backup guy what his thoughts are during the game. Now I'm public speaking, so it's like, even if I had a goal or a vision of where I was gonna go, it probably would be different because four, four years ago, I would have laughed at someone saying that I was gonna be a public speaker or taking time to speak in front of groups. So I think just staying on this path of learning, being willing to be vulnerable, being willing to, to try to practice what I'm preaching and create spaces and create inspiration for people to avoid doing what I did. That's my only, my only, my true passion right now.

• 1:05:16Ryan Clark?

  Well, I'm gonna tell you, your story is inspiring. We are blessed that we got an opportunity to sit with you. Thank you for taking the time. And I just look forward to seeing what you continue to do, the people you continue to touch and the lives that you help save.

• 1:05:30Drew Robinson?

  Appreciate it, man. I love this stuff. I thank you so much for having me.

• 1:05:35Ryan Clark?

  Thank you, bro. That was dope, man.

• 1:05:36Drew Robinson?

  Appreciate you, bro. That was dope. Of course.

• 1:05:39Ryan Clark?

  I'm sorry, I didn't know, man, I'm sorry.

• 1:05:48Ryan Clark?

  I knew it was coming.

• 1:05:49Drew Robinson?

  That's vulnerability right there.

• 1:05:50Ryan Clark?

  He was lying, he went for it. But then he goes, he goes.

• 1:05:53Drew Robinson?

  He went for it.

• 1:05:54Ryan Clark?

  But then he goes, "I got a ass." And whenever he says that, bro, you don't know where it's going.

• 1:06:25Speaker 06

  Every game day, you show up for your team. Now, it's your time.

• 1:06:35Speaker 09

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