Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 800: Platonic Soapbox Sex Coffin About this episode It's our 800th Episode, and it's about time we show our real face. For 16 years, you thought we were Da Gooberman, but really we're Monica Angela Rita! But don't worry, we're still full of great advice even though our souls are spread out across eighty-eight haunted piano keys.
Suggested Talking Points: Da Man in Da Goobermask, Be Gentle About Deck Size, Trade Your Brother for a Website, Hone Your Brain and Ditch Your Shame
Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota: https://www.ilcm.org/donate/
Transcript 10,627 words · 8 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy Brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
1:10 Travis McElroy? Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin Siberia's McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother Travis Big Dog Vroom Vroom, The Rocket McElroy.
1:23 Griffin McElroy? What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, Griffin McElroy, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary fastball.
1:31 Travis McElroy? Guys, it's episode 800 and I've, I've got a big announcement.
1:36 Griffin McElroy? Well, I'm excited because we've got a real showstopper planned for, we've been buzzing for months about the big eight, eight double oh.
1:44 Travis McElroy? The big eight zero zero that we realized a long time before now.
1:50 Griffin McElroy? Like October, we've started churning.
1:53 Travis McElroy? We started generating ideas on big eight, eight zero zero. The numbers move sequentially, right? And like we knew we were doing like 795, 796. So like we definitely knew it was coming.
2:05 Griffin McElroy? And the fact that we are always doing about 19 things at the same time did not stop us from remembering to recognize this important podcasting achievement.
2:16 Griffin McElroy? The eight double O.
2:17 Travis McElroy? Eight hundred.
2:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
2:18 Travis McElroy? I just want.
2:19 Griffin McElroy? Double O.
2:19 Travis McElroy? This is our sixteenth year doing it and we're eight hundred, which is a pretty good hit rate.
2:26 Griffin McElroy? Not bad dude.
2:27 Travis McElroy? I mean, that's fifty episodes a year.
2:30 Griffin McElroy? I feel pretty good about that. A little pat on the back for us working fifty hours a year. I think that's good stuff, guys.
2:37 Travis McElroy? Hey, sometimes you go like an hour fifteen.
2:39 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
2:40 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
2:40 Griffin McElroy? That's true.
2:41 Travis McElroy? Uh, but I've got a, a big announcement. I, my God, I didn't think I would be so nervous, but, um, to celebrate episode eight hundred.
2:49 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, man.
2:50 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna do a face reveal.
2:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, right, Trav. The digital mask you wear is such a big part of your identity. It's on all the
2:59 Travis McElroy? I know.
3:00 Griffin McElroy? And stuff. You can't, you can't take it off.
3:03 Travis McElroy? I've been.
3:03 Griffin McElroy? You can't not be the goober man anymore.
3:06 Travis McElroy? I know.
3:06 Griffin McElroy? Famous mask.
3:07 Travis McElroy? But I've been working with a face therapist.
3:10 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
3:10 Travis McElroy? To help me, you know, recognize myself outside of the goober man mask.
3:16 Griffin McElroy? Are we gonna see the goober man again after this? Or is this face reveal mean like the goober man is dead and gone?
3:22 Travis McElroy? I think the goober man will always be there on some level, you know what I mean?
3:27 Griffin McElroy? Juice, we're never seeing the goober man again.
3:29 Travis McElroy? You don't know that. But don't say that.
3:32 Griffin McElroy? I've seen these things happen before in the past. Once people get a taste of people knowing what their face looks like, they get.
3:37 Travis McElroy? They love it. They love it. The worry was.
3:39 Griffin McElroy? Addicted to face, guys.
3:41 Travis McElroy? I was starting to be more the goober man outside of like stuff than I wasn't, you know what I mean? There'd be times when I'd be sitting at dinner and like my children would call me Mr. McElroy.
3:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
3:55 Travis McElroy? And I'd be like, no, it's the goober man, please.
3:57 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
3:57 Travis McElroy? You know? And then I was like, whoa, this has gone too deep. So.
4:00 Griffin McElroy? No, I mean, when you showed up for Christmas and you came in the door and you were all hunched over and you kept yelling PP Patrol. I was like, man, can we get one break from the goober? Like, I, I miss Travis.
4:11 Travis McElroy? The good, or the goob, as he kept.
4:12 Griffin McElroy? The goob, like, uh.
4:14 Travis McElroy? Please, your family, it's the goob to you. And it's like, alright, can I call you Travis though? Or Mr. McElroy?
4:20 Griffin McElroy? No, he wanted to be the goober man only.
4:22 Travis McElroy? The goob me, bro, I would say, you know?
4:24 Griffin McElroy? Alright, well, let's, enough fucking, enough preamble.
4:28 Travis McElroy? Yeah, dude.
4:29 Griffin McElroy? PP Patrol's over. Killed the goober man. Let's see this bad boy.
4:35 Travis McElroy? That's my face.
4:37 Griffin McElroy? So my first, I guess my first, my initial reaction, my initial reaction, Travis. Prescription, I guess. Yeah. First of all, that's where. Before we get into it, our reaction, how do you feel right now, Travis? About your face? This must be a vulnerable moment for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanna make space.
4:53 Travis McElroy? I feel very exposed. Yeah. But I feel like I imagine other people.
4:58 Griffin McElroy? Sorry, can you move the mic? Cause I'm not, I'm not seeing the bottom.
5:01 Travis McElroy? I'm not getting the full.
5:02 Griffin McElroy? Project into it, cause I do need to hear. I thought it would be a similar color.
5:05 Travis McElroy? The feeling of people like jumping into like a cold lake, which I've never done and will never do.
5:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
5:11 Travis McElroy? Where it's like, I feel alive, like that's kinda the feeling I'm having now.
5:15 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
5:15 Travis McElroy? Although I am seeing myself now for the first time and realizing how much of my facial hair is gray and white.
5:21 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
5:22 Travis McElroy? But not the mustache, which is like a dirty one.
5:24 Griffin McElroy? As well.
5:24 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I've never looked.
5:26 Griffin McElroy? Oh my god.
5:26 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I've never looked at it. Why are my glasses purple?
5:29 Griffin McElroy? I assumed, Trav.
5:31 Travis McElroy? I endorse.
5:32 Griffin McElroy? I assumed that when we weren't doing the show.
5:37 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
5:37 Griffin McElroy? You didn't wear the Guber Mask. But it sounds like you haven't seen your actual face flesh in quite some time.
5:44 Travis McElroy? No, well, what happened was Griffin, these musketeers showed up.
5:47 Griffin McElroy? I can barely hear you.
5:48 Travis McElroy? Yeah, these, these musketeers showed up to where my evil twin brother had locked me in the Guber Mask.
5:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
5:55 Travis McElroy? And rescued me from the French prison that I was in.
5:59 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
6:00 Travis McElroy? To take my rifle places Travis and free me from the Guber Mask.
6:03 Griffin McElroy? Okay. So that's the plot of Demand and the Guber Mask is what you've just done.
6:08 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
6:10 Griffin McElroy? Um. Leo Capps was in that. Leo Capps was in that, he played Fartanian. And he was good. Who was, what's that? That was Robin. Are you telling me, man, that Iron Mask is secretly a Three Musketeers joint? Yeah, they trick you, they don't tell you that, but it's like. That's cool. Yeah, it's like when you saw, um, Ten Cloverfield Lane and you were like, wait, this is part of the Cloverfield vert, like it's that moment. It's like, oh shit, it's a big, it's a bigger now.
6:36 Travis McElroy? So what do you guys think of my face?
6:38 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
6:39 Travis McElroy? Yeah, oh, sorry, a fat your face. Yeah, if you could rank it like on a scale of one to 10, where would you put it?
6:45 Griffin McElroy? What am I?
6:45 Travis McElroy? It's a, well, let's say, let's agree, third, like, if we're ranking third, the face.
6:50 Griffin McElroy? Third, oh, yeah, let's third. I, the score is gonna be great. The score's gonna be great.
6:55 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
6:55 Griffin McElroy? It will be the third lowest score on the, on the list. And we didn't do that, Trav. We didn't do the list.
7:02 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
7:02 Griffin McElroy? This date is coming in, this date is coming in real time. I've got my road dog Nate Silver sitting right by me. He's pulling in the polling data.
7:10 Travis McElroy? On the big board.
7:10 Griffin McElroy? Live. He's interpreting.
7:12 Travis McElroy? Where was the goober man on that list?
7:15 Griffin McElroy? He was also last, but way lower score because his mask, his face was bad. His face was bad, like objectively, pretty bad face.
7:23 Travis McElroy? But I'm above him, right?
7:25 Griffin McElroy? I like it. I like that face. That's Clarence from It's a Wonderful Life. I always thought that was a weird way to start that movie. When they're like, here's the guy whose life you're gonna be saving, and he's like, I like his face. Clarence.
7:38 Travis McElroy? Will I be wearing his face, Lord?
7:40 Griffin McElroy? No.
7:40 Travis McElroy? No, Clarence.
7:41 Griffin McElroy? No.
7:42 Travis McElroy? I wanna take his face.
7:44 Griffin McElroy? Joseph, I told you he was gonna do this. I told you he was gonna be weird.
7:48 Travis McElroy? I think I'd like to make love to that pretty wife of his.
7:51 Griffin McElroy? No.
7:51 Travis McElroy? Well, Clarence, no.
7:53 Griffin McElroy? You can't do that. I'm gonna take his face off.
7:59 Travis McElroy? Mrs. Bailey, would you like another flaming rotten punch? Please, just let us go.
8:06 Travis McElroy? Every time an angel nuts, a bell rings.
8:10 Griffin McElroy? And then, and then.
8:11 Travis McElroy? Wait, oh, so it's the other way around.
8:12 Griffin McElroy? It's a transitive property.
8:13 Travis McElroy? Normally, when the bell rings, an angel gets his wings. That's horrifying.
8:18 Griffin McElroy? I like that face. Anyway, what were we talking, oh, yeah, Trav, uh, eight?
8:23 Travis McElroy? Okay.
8:23 Griffin McElroy? And a half. You get a solid, a solid IGN eight and a half.
8:29 Travis McElroy? So, wait, where does that put your, if your ranking, if your score's above mine, what would you give your own face?
8:34 Griffin McElroy? Juice and I are neck and neck in a way where any time.
8:37 Travis McElroy? We're not comparing necks, Griffin.
8:39 Griffin McElroy? Look at the comments. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at the comments. Juice is. Juice is the prettiest macaroni right now. I think the comments all agree. And that's not like, I'm not, you know, I'm doing.
8:49 Travis McElroy? That's a lighting thing mainly.
8:51 Griffin McElroy? It's a lighting thing, but it's a, I mean, gosh, Juice. You have managed to harness.
8:55 Travis McElroy? Beautiful skin.
8:56 Griffin McElroy? You look great. I just want to tell you.
8:58 Travis McElroy? I don't do this.
8:59 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
8:59 Travis McElroy? Uh, here's a question for you.
9:01 Griffin McElroy? Talk about how handsome you are.
9:02 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you're a handsome man.
9:04 Griffin McElroy? Can Travis and I talk about how handsome you are?
9:06 Travis McElroy? If I wasn't related to you. We're getting to a point, place where, no, I don't want to, but I will say this. Dear brothers, my wife and I are at a concert for anniversary. We're standing near the stage and will be until the concert is over, so we don't lose our place.
9:21 Griffin McElroy? With how? Sidebar, how? How's everyone doing this?
9:26 Travis McElroy? How are you guys doing this without bathrooms?
9:28 Griffin McElroy? How do you do, how do you do, how do you piss and shit?
9:29 Travis McElroy? The choice spot for me is stage visibility plus pathway to bathroom balcony. Plus pathway to refreshments.
9:37 Griffin McElroy? Sitting down?
9:38 Travis McElroy? I need to triangulate that. If I'm at a concert, by the way, and every, and I'm sitting down and everybody like gets in the moment and starts to stand up. I've never felt more betrayed than my, than that moment. It was like, no, guys, but we all, I thought we all paid for this.
9:53 Griffin McElroy? Now, when we fire up the old touring machine again, it, it pays off to get close.
9:58 Travis McElroy? The touring, the touring machine.
9:59 Griffin McElroy? The turn, yes, yes, when, yeah, when we all take the turn.
10:03 Travis McElroy? So with three kids, date nights are rare. So we asked them in standing behind us to take our picture to commemorate the occasion. We just looked at the picture and it's maybe the worst picture of us ever taken. Zoomed out to point five, bad lighting, bad angle, the works. She took many pictures and they're all terrible. We'll be standing by her for the next several hours. How do we get someone else to take our picture without alerting her to the fact that she did a horrible job? And that's from concert pit conundrum. I have an early thought.
10:31 Griffin McElroy? Go ahead.
10:31 Travis McElroy? Untested by logic.
10:33 Griffin McElroy? Please.
10:33 Travis McElroy? If I could just.
10:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, get it out quick before logic catches up to it.
10:36 Travis McElroy? Before logic catches up. If you befriend this woman. That's your best option because if you get in good enough with her that you could be like, this is too good. I gotta remember. I gotta remember this. Stand with me and Janine over there. Stand with us. I want to get a picture with you. Not so close. Yeah, it'll be like a funny one where there's like a gap in the middle that we can photo someone in. Severely. Yeah. But we're gonna have this jabroni over here take our picture.
11:05 Griffin McElroy? Point five is such a nasty trick. Point five is always like, I'd love to get more of the scene in this picture. And then you take the picture and you look at it a month later, you're like, this looks like shit. Why did I put my kids in this weird fish eye, Beastie Boys music video angle? This doesn't look good at all. I think should know better just from that alone.
11:23 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I can't stand it. I think you should just ask somebody else because she blew it. You know what I mean?
11:29 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:29 Travis McElroy? Like, I think that maybe this is some constructive feedback via social interaction that needs to happen of like, hey, your photography skills are shit and you're gonna pick up on that. Go ahead. Go ahead, comedy man.
11:42 Griffin McElroy? Say that. Say that shit.
11:43 Travis McElroy? No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying if you ask somebody else.
11:46 Griffin McElroy? And made the other person watch, say, pay attention, learn.
11:51 Travis McElroy? Watch this. Watch what I do here. Watch it. You ever see a grown woman crack? Watch this.
11:56 Griffin McElroy? I don't.
11:58 Griffin McElroy? I'm not saying that there should be a mandatory test that people have to take once a decade where they demonstrate basic sort of photograph.
12:08 Travis McElroy? Sorry, did you say to vote? To vote.
12:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, this is my, this is my weird soapbox I'm gonna stand on. No, no, well, okay. So if we wanted to tie voting responsibility to this thing.
12:20 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Okay.
12:21 Griffin McElroy? It's maybe not the worst idea in the world. In order to vote, you do need to take a once a decade, mandatory, 30 minute, online, free.
12:32 Travis McElroy? Well.
12:34 Griffin McElroy? Photographing.
12:35 Travis McElroy? Myers-Briggs.
12:36 Griffin McElroy? Oh, wait. No, like photography.
12:38 Travis McElroy? Photographing class.
12:39 Griffin McElroy? Photographing.
12:40 Travis McElroy? This is the base skill that we need ourself. You know what, Griffin, honestly, I wanna like argue with you. I wanna argue with you, but like documenting through photography.
12:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
12:51 Travis McElroy? There's a vocabulary there that a lot of people lack. That's a good point.
12:55 Griffin McElroy? Five minutes. A five-minute YouTube video about the rule of thirds will change your life. Five-minute YouTube video, the rule of thirds. You're set, man. You really, I don't remember anything else from my college photography glasses that I took for journalism school. I don't remember fucking.
13:09 Travis McElroy? Golden ratio?
13:10 Griffin McElroy? Who gives a shit? No one uses that. Rule of thirds, though.
13:14 Travis McElroy? Oh, that one's a good one.
13:15 Griffin McElroy? That's the best and only one that you really need. It tells you exactly how much headspace to give them, exactly how to crop it.
13:20 Travis McElroy? Do you guys have? I have a similar thing to derail this a little bit of like, I took a film studies class and I remember one thing and it's about the 180 rule of like people walking across.
13:33 Griffin McElroy? Oh, yeah.
13:34 Travis McElroy? And it's that thing that I pull out when I'm watching a movie and I'm like, mm, yeah.
13:39 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
13:39 Travis McElroy? I really like the way they broke that. Yeah, they broke that to show how discordant this is.
13:46 Griffin McElroy? I don't think I have gotten someone, a stranger, to take a picture of me and Rachel. I mean, since we have kids.
13:55 Travis McElroy? Our, our journey. You just make your kids do it?
13:57 Griffin McElroy? Our kids, yeah. God, that's, oh, that's good.
13:59 Travis McElroy? BB does it? BB's incredible at it. And BB knows she's good at it. She'll be like, you two get together, let me take a picture of you. I'm like, okay.
14:07 Griffin McElroy? And she's so good at it. That will serve her so, so well.
14:11 Travis McElroy? She's like doing angles and having us pose in waves. And I'm like, okay, thank you.
14:16 Griffin McElroy? We, Rachel and I are both blessed with pretty long arms and now knowledge that when you press the volume up or down button, it does the shutter in photo mode. With those two things equipped, you can really get some pretty phenomenal pictures of yourself.
14:30 Travis McElroy? Have you guys ever been in a scenario where a stranger has volunteered? Like, I was on a family trip. I was making like a selection of like selfies to build into a like album of like, here's selfies exactly the same of all the places the four of us have been. And a stranger saw this and was like, do you want me to take your picture? And it's so hard to go, no, no, I don't want that, actually. I would rather you didn't because I've got a, I've got like a choice thing going here and I don't know you and one, I'm handing you my, you're asking me to hand you my phone. I know a scam when I see one.
15:04 Griffin McElroy? People get so mad when they see selfie sticks out in the world, but it's like, have you done your once a decade photographing class that's online and free? I think so. I think you need to exercise your, your civic responsibility and vote and by the transit property, also take this online free mandatory photographing class that teaches you about the rule of thirds and that the volume buttons do the shutter.
15:27 Travis McElroy? Depending on the show, there could be a moment, like if you're at a Lou Bega show and you wait until he does Mambo number five, the other person is going to be so in it.
15:38 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
15:38 Travis McElroy? They're going to be, it's going to be ripping. It's all going to be joy. It's all going to be pleasure.
15:43 Griffin McElroy? Your wife's name is Monica Angela Rita and that's like, when that comes up in Mambo number five, like you want to capture that moment, that exact moment.
15:52 Travis McElroy? I bet that's confusing. Lyric as part of a cameo for your wife. I bet that's so confusing. If you're at your first Lou Bega show and you somehow miss Mambo number five and your name is Monica Angela Rita and you're like, is he calling me on stage?
16:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
16:07 Travis McElroy? Am I supposed to go up there? That's such a threadbear hypothetical even for you.
16:11 Griffin McElroy? No, I like it. I like the idea of Lou Bega having a one less lonely girl call up where he's like, all right, ladies, every time he gets on stage, he's like, finishes Mambo number four and he's like, you know what the fuck's coming. He's like, you know, the rules, ladies, if your name is Angela, Monica, Rita, those are the only fucking three names I can remember. There's like 14 names in that goddamn.
16:34 Travis McElroy? Sandra.
16:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Sandra.
16:36 Travis McElroy? Citra.
16:36 Griffin McElroy? Citra. Jennifer.
16:40 Travis McElroy? Phoebe. Chandler.
16:43 Griffin McElroy? Lou Bega, Lou Bega. He says his own name. He says Lou Bega.
16:46 Travis McElroy? Name a few times.
16:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
16:47 Travis McElroy? And when things are not going great, Lou Bega.
16:52 Travis McElroy? I had bottle for a month. It was Lou. Just Lou for a month. I broke my ankle and it was just Lou.
17:02 Travis McElroy? Sanders stopped by, but nothing got going. Nothing got going on. It would be Sandra, but Sandra wasn't feeling the leg thing.
17:14 Travis McElroy? There's just a lot of losers in the spreadsheet I've built here. It's just a lot of losers.
17:19 Griffin McElroy? Oh, no. So, um, yeah, there should be mandatory photography classes and do, do, just do selfies.
17:29 Travis McElroy? That's it. Uh, how about another question?
17:31 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
17:32 Travis McElroy? My husband just finished building a sauna room in our basement. It is awesome and we would love to share the experience with friends. The problem is the room is very small, about four foot by seven foot, half of which is taken up by the bench.
17:47 Griffin McElroy? I would argue that's fairly a pretty good size for a sauna, actually. I don't think it's that small.
17:52 Travis McElroy? We don't want to fuck our friends. Not that there's anything wrong with that. So is there a non-weird way to invite people?
17:58 Griffin McElroy? That's a big blanket statement, by the way. Any of them? Sorry, go on.
18:01 Travis McElroy? Yeah, just like, listen, but that's not where they're at. Okay? They want to invite people to this small, hot room in their basement without making it like a sex thing.
18:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
18:10 Travis McElroy? That's from Sweaty in Suburbia. Now, the thing I do want to say before we get into it.
18:17 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
18:17 Travis McElroy? Is that as someone who has been on the other side of this equation.
18:22 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
18:23 Travis McElroy? I would like you to please be gentle with your husband when you're describing the size of the sauna. Because.
18:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
18:33 Travis McElroy? It, he worked very hard on it and he probably knows it's not the biggest sauna in the world. So if you start talking about how hard it is to get a lot of people in the sauna.
18:44 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
18:45 Travis McElroy? That could be very hurtful for him. Okay? I once made a deck in my backyard and it was, and because of the size of the area that I was trying to account for it, it was a very small deck and some people think that my deck is kind of pointless. It's so small. There's no, there's no reason for me to have the deck, but.
19:04 Griffin McElroy? I didn't say anything about your deck, did I?
19:06 Travis McElroy? I'm proud of, no, well.
19:07 Griffin McElroy? Did I talk shit about, I genuinely don't remember if I talked.
19:10 Travis McElroy? Not with words.
19:11 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
19:12 Travis McElroy? But I'm just saying that like, please find a delicate way of having these conversations. Maybe stick to words like intimate. Or, no, that doesn't really help your case though, does it?
19:21 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's what makes it worse. Come into our intimate twenty square foot chamber.
19:25 Travis McElroy? Tiny intimate.
19:26 Griffin McElroy? Hot.
19:27 Travis McElroy? Romantic.
19:28 Griffin McElroy? Romantic?
19:29 Travis McElroy? Hot coffin.
19:30 Griffin McElroy? Nude.
19:30 Travis McElroy? Hot.
19:31 Griffin McElroy? Nude.
19:32 Travis McElroy? Hot coffin.
19:35 Travis McElroy? Our platonic.
19:36 Griffin McElroy? Our platonic soapbox sex coffin.
19:42 Travis McElroy? You know, it may, it may feel weird because it is weird, friend. I don't know. You know, it's like, I don't know. It just, it may just like get weird is the thing. Cause like, some of it is not, huh? Some of it is not about the hangups. Hmm. Some of it is not about the, the things that you've been taught about saunas.
20:00 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
20:00 Travis McElroy? Some of it is about the reality of it. You're gonna get in there and it is gonna be like, well, what do we do now?
20:05 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that is, yeah.
20:07 Travis McElroy? Listen, as a man who's, let's say, lived with ADHD his entire life, anything that, um, involves, and then we just exist in this moment. That's right.
20:18 Griffin McElroy? You gotta have an activity. You gotta have a little game. You gotta have something.
20:22 Travis McElroy? Gotta have something.
20:23 Griffin McElroy? Gotta have something.
20:24 Travis McElroy? A little game, a little game or a little game. Like if you're gonna like.
20:27 Griffin McElroy? A little gamer or a little game. One of those two for sure.
20:30 Travis McElroy? Whatever, but you don't want that. You don't want the second one, which is fine.
20:33 Griffin McElroy? Here's the, here's.
20:33 Travis McElroy? What else are you doing in there? I guess is my question. It's gonna be boring. You get a crab, you get a crab boil going while you're in there. You're steaming yourself. You're steaming some crab. You know what I mean?
20:44 Griffin McElroy? That's pretty cool. Actually, I like that. Put it, put them right on the coals.
20:48 Travis McElroy? What about this?
20:49 Griffin McElroy? Oh.
20:49 Travis McElroy? What if you make a big deal talking to your friends about how you recently found out that you shouldn't do any sex stuff in saunas?
20:56 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
20:56 Travis McElroy? Like, it's actually dangerous because the heat could act, you could kill you. So like, if you go into a sauna and it can't be at all romantic or sexy because you could die from that.
21:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Uh, here, can we actually, we could provide them a service, just like, pretend like you're turning on the radio and then, but like play the next like 20 seconds of this show.
21:20 Travis McElroy? Oh, that's good.
21:21 Griffin McElroy? And then we'll put in like a news stinger, right? It will give you some.
21:24 Travis McElroy? Can I be, can I be that? I'll be, I'll do the ads coming back. Half price, half price, half price, half price, half price shoes.
21:31 Griffin McElroy? What a, what a specific reference. The stinger is gonna play here, the news.
21:37 Griffin McElroy? We'll get a real, no, we have like, that's round ball rock, so that's John Tesh's round ball rock, they're not gonna play that before the news. I got it. Down at the round house. So they're gonna play, Rachel edits of the show and put music like a real stinger in here. Music and the fun never ends. So here we go. So don't start it yet, start it in like, once we get it together.
22:00 Griffin McElroy? Travis, you're gonna get us content struck for the theme song of.
22:02 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do an ad and then we'll come back.
22:04 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
22:08 Travis McElroy? Tudor's Biscuit World is just like coming home.
22:13 Griffin McElroy? And this is where the stinger goes.
22:17 Griffin McElroy? Welcome back to Turbo News, this is Chet Fling, and today we have a special report coming out of the industry of recreational health. Saunas, if you do sex stuff in them, if some of the jizz gets on the stones, it'll kill you, graveyard dead. That's from, that's from our lead researcher.
22:43 Travis McElroy? Yes, hello, that's me, the lead researcher, Dr. Hiss Steeman. Um, listen, um, we've studied countless couples in saunas, so many of them dead. Um, we have so much blood on our hands, and you know what, we take full responsibility for that, for the good of the people.
23:00 Griffin McElroy? Yes, don't sex in saunas.
23:03 Travis McElroy? Yes, my name's Victoria Beckham, I'm from Metro, West Virginia. My name is Victoria Beckham, I'm from Metro, West Virginia, I lost my husband, Harold. He chased on one of the stones and then his face got all purple. Now he lives up in Jesus with my brother, Simpleton.
23:18 Griffin McElroy? So you heard it here, you four.
23:25 Griffin McElroy? Oh, wait, hold on. Dr. Steeman, a clarifying question. What if they promise really hard not to get any jizz on the hot rocks? Any jizz in the air, uh, jizz particles could still cause the problem. So what if they just do, what if they just do a little, it says here, hanky panky, but don't finish. Even pre-jizz can cause.
23:48 Travis McElroy? My, my.
23:50 Griffin McElroy? Free-form jizz can cause.
23:52 Travis McElroy? My Daryl was just, my Daryl was just shooting chalk dust out of there and he still manages to kill himself.
23:57 Griffin McElroy? Okay, Dr. Steeman, I need you to take a break and I want to hear more from Victoria. You're saying that dust came out of your husband's penis after completion?
24:06 Travis McElroy? Like, it looked like, it looked like one of those parallel bar gymnasts was about to do their thing. Just a big plume of dust up in the air and then it landed on the rocks and he.
24:15 Griffin McElroy? And that was enough to kill him. Graveyard dad.
24:18 Travis McElroy? The particulate.
24:19 Griffin McElroy? Okay, so what would you say, Ms. Beckham, to any quartet of two married couples? Who are maybe thinking about getting into a sauna and doing anything that might lead to any sort of discharge?
24:33 Travis McElroy? Just keep it all normal. Just keep it normal. Talk about, talk about friends, marathons. Talk about chips you like. Just be normal in there. Please don't. If anybody gives anybody that even looks like an eye or kind of a huh, or they try to bring up La Seducción that they were watching on HBO or anything like that, you get the hell out of there.
24:56 Griffin McElroy? What's that show, Ms. Beckham?
24:57 Travis McElroy? It's a sort of an adaptation of Dangerous Liaisons. So.
25:02 Griffin McElroy? Sorry, are you thinking of cruel, cruel intentions?
25:06 Travis McElroy? He thought he could bridge. Daryl brought it up because we've watched it on HBO Max. I don't like things with subtitles.
25:11 Griffin McElroy? When did Daryl die?
25:13 Travis McElroy? What?
25:14 Griffin McElroy? Did Daryl die quite recently? Hey, I, hey, hey, buddy.
25:17 Travis McElroy? Two weeks ago is the coflies of memory, sir.
25:19 Griffin McElroy? I'm the, I'm the anchor here. You don't ask the questions, Dr. Steeman. Stay in your fucking. I'm just trying to figure out if Victoria's single or not. You know what I mean? Have you had time to grieve? I'm allowed to ask questions about other people's sort of.
25:33 Travis McElroy? You got time to grieve, you got time to clean. That's what my boss used to say.
25:38 Griffin McElroy? That's horrible. That's really Victoria.
25:40 Travis McElroy? I ever had.
25:41 Griffin McElroy? Where was it? Put this place on blast.
25:43 Travis McElroy? Right now. I'm there now. It's at this Hardee's. Victoria, you're on the phone? I told you, this is my break. Osha says I get a break.
25:55 Griffin McElroy? If you have time to go on a break, you got time to clean. So it sounds like he thinks that's, sorry, can you put that guy on the phone? Victoria, let's talk to your boss. Hey, it's me, Tom Hardy. So Tom Hardy, I just want to check on something really quick. Yeah. If you're not, are you, is your suggestion that anytime you're not cleaning is you have time to be cleaning during that? Yeah. Even during cleaning, if you have time to clean, you got time to clean more. That's cra- that's, why are you so interested in, in, in that? Like, people need time to, you know? Sin is everywhere. Okay.
26:34 Travis McElroy? And that's all the time that we have for this evening. For real news, I've been Victoria Beckham.
26:40 Griffin McElroy? Wait, hold.
26:40 Travis McElroy? I've been Terry Gross.
26:42 Griffin McElroy? No, who am I? Hold on, wait, who am I? Wait, you were the anchor. Why did you become?
26:48 Travis McElroy? It took so long that she actually got a job as a co-anchor because she's single and she, yeah, and she changed her voice.
26:55 Griffin McElroy? Okay. But this was turbo, this was turbo news. A gun to my head, gun to my head, $200 held out in front of me, could not remember the name of the guy I made.
27:05 Travis McElroy? I think it was Slang Johnson.
27:07 Griffin McElroy? That was a long run, guys. I am exhausted.
27:13 Travis McElroy? Well, get yourself together, Griffin, because it's time for us to go earn our, do our real job. We're gonna go to the money zone.
27:29 Travis McElroy? I've decided to do a fun thing for this money zone. It's thematic.
27:35 Travis McElroy? I thought we could do a thematic money zone. Agreeing, agreeing ahead of time, too, on the parameters. That's always fun.
27:42 Griffin McElroy? Picture a place that is square. Yeah.
27:46 Travis McElroy? Yeah, do you see it?
27:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
27:48 Travis McElroy? Now picture your dreams there.
27:50 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
27:50 Travis McElroy? Picture your goals. Picture your future.
27:55 Griffin McElroy? How big is the square?
27:57 Travis McElroy? Depends on the size of the monitor or handheld device upon which you're viewing it. Cause I'm talking about Squarespace, baby.
28:04 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
28:04 Travis McElroy? It's a Squarespace where you can put your ideas.
28:08 Griffin McElroy? Justin's got a little square there. He's trying, he's showing us. Show me your square juice.
28:12 Travis McElroy? Whoa, David Bowie, where'd you get that shit from?
28:15 Griffin McElroy? Well, it's like a little plastic square. That's cool.
28:17 Travis McElroy? I need you to sell your fish food.
28:23 Travis McElroy? I want you to list your calendar appointments for me on the web. I have designers who've made templates like this for you. Reach out and grab them and then sell fish food online.
28:39 Griffin McElroy? This is a, this is a, this is a wild ride, guys.
28:43 Travis McElroy? Does it have to be just fish food, David? You can do anything. You can blog about your dad.
28:50 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
28:51 Travis McElroy? You can post your pictures of Regis Philbin. Whatever you wanna do in your square. I've made the entire world for you in crystal for your brother. Just give me your brother and I'll let you make a fish.
29:08 Griffin McElroy? I wanna be clear here. Squarespace is great. We've used it a lot to make a lot of beautiful websites that make us seem more professional than we are. I don't remember receiving a crystal at any point in the, in the transaction, in the service.
29:21 Travis McElroy? Did you give your brother?
29:23 Griffin McElroy? So, no, they, but they didn't ask. Is that like you have to type in, in the coupon code field like?
29:29 Travis McElroy? You have to type in the coupon code field. I submit my brother to the Goblin King.
29:33 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, and then he gives you a crystal and.
29:35 Travis McElroy? He will give you a crystal.
29:36 Griffin McElroy? And that is like, I will say.
29:39 Travis McElroy? It's a lot harder than, it's easier than Squarespace in a sense because like you just say the one thing and then Goblin King pretty much takes it from there.
29:47 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
29:47 Travis McElroy? But in another sense, it's harder because it's not necessarily gonna be the website that you want.
29:52 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
29:52 Travis McElroy? It is gonna, you know what I mean?
29:54 Travis McElroy? It might change the dynamic of your podcast if you give away one of them brothers.
29:59 Travis McElroy? A hundred percent. Such a good point Travis. The Goblin King will trade your brother for a website, but is it gonna have all the, are you gonna be able to sell stuff?
30:06 Travis McElroy? You know what I mean?
30:07 Griffin McElroy? No, no, cause it's in a little crystalline square in your hand. No one's gonna get on there, man.
30:12 Travis McElroy? Do they have good wifi in the labyrinth? Will the brothers still be able to podcast from there?
30:18 Travis McElroy? They don't know. I mean, these are the questions that, that the gob, that the Goblin King, Jared isn't willing to answer, but Squarespace is.
30:27 Travis McElroy? We need to get the Goblin King, Jared on Turbo News. They'll get to the heart of this.
30:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
30:32 Travis McElroy? With their hard hitting questions.
30:34 Travis McElroy? Head to Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I have been locked.
30:47 Travis McElroy? Can I do my thematic thing?
30:50 Griffin McElroy? Oh, yeah. I didn't realize you had something to tie it together.
30:51 Travis McElroy? I forgot Travis. You did the second part.
30:54 Travis McElroy? Picture a square. Are you picturing a square?
30:58 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
30:58 Travis McElroy? That you can put your adventures on, that you can put your loved ones on, that you can fill with memories?
31:06 Griffin McElroy? I'm pretty sure that it's rectangular.
31:09 Travis McElroy? Do you want this picture of your brother?
31:12 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
31:13 Travis McElroy? Jared, I'd rather just have a picture of me.
31:14 Travis McElroy? This picture of you and your grandmother at Six Flags.
31:17 Griffin McElroy? Alright.
31:18 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
31:18 Travis McElroy? For this gem, give me your brother and I will give you a gem that will show you pictures of your family.
31:24 Griffin McElroy? Okay. We could also just use Aura Frames instead of trading me for a picture of me on a little gem. I'm just saying Aura Frames does this way, way better.
31:34 Travis McElroy? It means the world to me, Griffin, that you defaulted to Justin would trade you and not me. That means a lot.
31:42 Griffin McElroy? I think I'd be the easiest to trade.
31:45 Travis McElroy? Why, why, why do you think that? What makes you say so?
31:49 Griffin McElroy? Um, I don't know.
31:51 Travis McElroy? Smaller, smaller, more compact.
31:53 Griffin McElroy? I don't actually.
31:53 Travis McElroy? Easier to get in a trunk.
31:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
31:55 Travis McElroy? Probably. That's true.
31:56 Griffin McElroy? Jared would have an easier time getting me up into the air on his broom than he would you. And that's not saying that you're not, you're just like sort of built, you know?
32:05 Travis McElroy? And I'm scrappier. I think you, you might fight it for a minute and then you'd be like, okay.
32:10 Griffin McElroy? No, Jared could absolutely beat my ass.
32:13 Travis McElroy? I've also seen Jared like holding court with all the goblins and like, the one thing I don't think that cat wants is somebody else pulling focus.
32:20 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
32:20 Travis McElroy? Like I, it really, he seems to really enjoy just like holding court.
32:23 Griffin McElroy? So anyway, Aura Frames.
32:25 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
32:26 Griffin McElroy? Aura Frames is amazing.
32:28 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
32:28 Griffin McElroy? Gang, these are quality digital picture frames. And what I really appreciate about them is that it's so easy to manage the, the, the photos on them. Instead of letting your photos just, uh, disintegrate in a group chat, uh, or, or some, some online group somewhere. Instead of all that, why don't you put them in a beautiful Aura Frame? You just download the Aura Frames app. You can zip, zap, zop any of your pictures to, to the frames you've connected to. Get one for your grand, for Grampy. Then get, put, do the app and then you can put pictures on it. So Grampy doesn't have to.
33:03 Travis McElroy? You can get the fun experience I have where I have the Aura Frame and anytime a picture comes up before Dot was born.
33:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
33:10 Travis McElroy? She starts to make plans of when we're going to go back to that place and recreate the photo with her in it.
33:16 Griffin McElroy? That's awesome Travis. God, that's good. Your children are so powerful.
33:20 Travis McElroy? Charlie's watching TV and a baby photo of hers popped up on the Aura and I was looking at it and I said, well, she wasn't even really listening. I said, gosh, you remind me of the babe. And she said, what babe? And I said, the babe in the photo. She said, what photo?
33:32 Griffin McElroy? Oh man, you're so close.
33:33 Travis McElroy? The photo on Aura.
33:36 Griffin McElroy? But then it fell apart, didn't it?
33:37 Travis McElroy? Then it fell apart. You said it was actually you saying it. You gave me the, it was you saying it.
33:42 Griffin McElroy? Oh, was it?
33:43 Travis McElroy? Actually ruined it. Cause I had a really good. Yeah, you had the whole thing. Good one, good ending. Buy for a frame!
33:49 Griffin McElroy? Oh, I thought you were telling an actual story. Sorry, I thought you were telling a real story of a thing that really, really happened between you and Charlie, and it almost organically became the bit from Labyrinth. But you're saying that was-
33:59 Travis McElroy? No, it was almost there and I just couldn't, I couldn't stick it. Honestly, Griffin, I couldn't, I couldn't do it.
34:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, so Aura Frames is great. And we've, I think at this point, all of us have given them out. They're great gifts, great gifts. They're also nice around the home. We have one down in our, our, uh, our living room and it's always nice to just-
34:17 Travis McElroy? It reminds me of my house, when my house wasn't blanketed. What house?
34:21 Griffin McElroy? The house with the, the flower.
34:24 Travis McElroy? Name not, number one by Wirecutter. You can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com. For a limited time, listeners can get $35 off their best-selling Carver mat frame with code MYBROTHER. That's A-U-R-A-frames.com promo code MYBROTHER. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.
34:42 Griffin McElroy? We're winning that fucking, we're winning that iHeartRadio.
34:45 Travis McElroy? That's what I was gonna say, we'll just clip that.
34:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
34:47 Travis McElroy? Submit that. That's the one. That will take up a large, I, I, I bet they, they typically will play the entire ad at the ceremony, but not this time. No, no, not, not with it. They'll play it at like 1.75 speed like everyone else does.
35:01 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, sure.
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36:35 Travis McElroy? We got a haunted doll watch.
36:36 Griffin McElroy? Oh my god. Oh my god, Justin. I mean, it's just, it's been a minute since I've seen a haunted doll around these parts.
36:44 Travis McElroy? Yeah, well, this isn't even a haunted doll, but we did have, I had a local connection on this one.
36:48 Griffin McElroy? Holy shit.
36:49 Travis McElroy? So I felt like I needed to share it with you all.
36:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, let's see.
36:51 Travis McElroy? One haunted item. Piano key.
36:55 Griffin McElroy? What?
36:55 Travis McElroy? Paranormal.
36:56 Griffin McElroy? Like a single?
36:58 Travis McElroy? Chilling. Haunted items, eerie.
37:02 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
37:02 Travis McElroy? That's the listing.
37:03 Griffin McElroy? And for sale is a piano key.
37:06 Travis McElroy? One.
37:07 Griffin McElroy? It was hard to find the noun in there to tell like.
37:10 Travis McElroy? Yeah, so it's one, what you're buying is one piano key.
37:16 Griffin McElroy? Okay, haunted.
37:18 Travis McElroy? Huh, one piano key haunted. Let me see if I can give you guys a decent visual to work with. This is interesting because this is, this is such a good inversion, right? Of like, try to figure out what's weirder, to buy a single key or to have a single key to sell. Now, wait a minute.
37:39 Griffin McElroy? That's like 16, I'm looking at like 16 piano keys.
37:42 Travis McElroy? Yeah, but like you're buying one at a time. They're all haunted. Yeah, but you're buying. By the same ghost?
37:49 Griffin McElroy? Go to the next photo up because I feel like we're looking at maybe even an entire piano's worth of keys that are haunted. So that's 88.
37:57 Travis McElroy? So he's like selling each key individually. I'm like, you look, you could buy three for $6.99 a piece if you wanted to. Is that parts of a single ghost? Is it? So you can get a deal.
38:08 Griffin McElroy? So you got a combo deal.
38:09 Travis McElroy? So why do you want more than one haunted key, pervert?
38:13 Griffin McElroy? No, I, okay, but like a piano that is haunted.
38:17 Travis McElroy? What?
38:18 Griffin McElroy? Let, one at a time.
38:20 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
38:20 Griffin McElroy? If a piano that is haunted, like the one.
38:22 Travis McElroy? Let's say one at a time and for sure not the guy with the list of all the words in front of him. One at a time.
38:27 Griffin McElroy? One at a time.
38:30 Travis McElroy? Not sure how to pick the priority, but let's start with Griffin.
38:32 Griffin McElroy? Are we talking, a piano is not a house for 88 ghosts.
38:37 Travis McElroy? Thank you.
38:37 Griffin McElroy? I guess that's sort of my starting point.
38:39 Travis McElroy? So true.
38:40 Griffin McElroy? You can have one big ghost on a haunted piano that like tries to eat you up when the mouth goes up and down like in Super Mario 64 or House. Um, but the idea of, uh, you know, the G and the F on the piano roll being ghost neighbors. That's, that's not, that can't be true.
38:57 Travis McElroy? Unless it's programmable and on each one is a different sound of boo. And you can play like boo boo boo boo boo boo boo. That'd be.
39:06 Griffin McElroy? No, there's no technology that would allow that, Jeff.
39:08 Travis McElroy? You're putting a lot of human physical limits on these keys. I think like if you're a ghost, you just kind of figure it out, right?
39:13 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
39:13 Travis McElroy? So can I tell you, can you?
39:15 Griffin McElroy? I want to know more. Yeah, for sure. Okay.
39:20 Travis McElroy? Seven years ago, we purchased a used piano at CA House Music in Parkersburg, West Virginia.
39:27 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
39:27 Travis McElroy? So we are, we are in our home state of West Virginia. If you don't know Parkersburg, it's a lovely place. It's where my friend Bobby was born, if that helps.
39:36 Griffin McElroy? It's where Bobby was. You know Bob?
39:38 Travis McElroy? If you know Bob, you know Bob? You know Bob. You know, Bob, it's right up there. It's near Ohio. It's real close to Ohio. You can get up near Ohio.
39:47 Griffin McElroy? Lot of ghosts. Ghost country, I call it.
39:49 Travis McElroy? It's ghost country. It's ghost country up there. North, north, west, anyway. After having the piano delivered and tuned in our sunroom, we noticed many random unsettling occurrences. They usually began once everyone went to bed late at night. We would randomly hear one of the keys strike immediately after I would walk in to find no one or nothing in the room. This would also happen with a guitar if it was physically touching the piano.
40:12 Griffin McElroy? Wait, what?
40:13 Travis McElroy? This would also happen with a guitar if it was physically touching the piano.
40:17 Griffin McElroy? So anything that's
40:18 Travis McElroy? Ghost would spill out? Right. The ghosts would like, so this is like an interesting, like,
40:26 Travis McElroy? what asterisk on your question about the keys, right? Because if it's able to jump from piano to guitar.
40:31 Griffin McElroy? If it's able to do that, then what you get, what you do is you get a bunch of guitars, make a pathway connected all the way to the piano to the front door of your house. And once all the ghosts are in the last guitar, you sever the chain. Now you have one haunted guitar instead of 88 haunted piano keys. That's going to be a lot easier to manage, I think.
40:48 Travis McElroy? I would, I would stay up late playing the guitar, lean it against the piano, and shortly after I would hear the high E string picked one time. As if the ghost is going, you were playing the wrong string.
41:00 Griffin McElroy? This one, this one.
41:02 Travis McElroy? Or the guy is like, I can do that. Why can't you play me? Just play me, please. After months of this happening a few times a week, I convinced myself that maybe the strings were installed wrong. Or it had a weak pin block or a rest plank.
41:16 Griffin McElroy? Yep. That would all make it play itself for sure.
41:19 Travis McElroy? And the guitar.
41:20 Griffin McElroy? Yep.
41:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah. I don't know why the assumption is that the piano is haunted, but let's read on. Three months ago, I began to see things, objects and people in the room. I would get off the couch in the adjoining living room and catch a glimpse of someone watching me from behind the piano. Very creepy. The random key strikes became louder. Before this, they were faint key strikes. Now they were forceful, loud, single notes, only one. For Christmas, I bought a family member a Ouija board. Their mother did not want it in the house, so I kept it.
41:46 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
41:48 Griffin McElroy? I think you knew exactly how that was going to play.
41:50 Travis McElroy? You knew what you, you had a plan. When I would come home early in the morning after a night shift, I'd walk in the sunroom to take off my boots before I go into bed. Four mornings in a row, the Ouija board was lying out on the piano. Nobody would admit to lying it there. So we are to, I guess, we're to assume that the piano was getting it out. Yeah. Use it on me. Come on. I got so much stuff to say and I can only speak in A through G. I tried to speak to the guitar, but all I could say was egg, babe.
42:23 Travis McElroy? Okay, three, okay, three months ago, I started to see things and objects and people in the room. I would get off the couch in the adjoining living room and catch a glimpse of someone watching me from behind the piano. Very creepy. I looked in the center room to see someone sitting at the piano. Nice. I jumped up, snuck in the room, nobody was there, thinking I was crazy. I got up, shut the sliding door and I walked to the kitchen to get a Diet Coke. I walked back in the living room and the door was cracked open. Do you have a picture of the Diet Coke here in the listing? A photo of the Diet Coke? See if we have a picture of the offending Coke. Okay. That was it.
42:56 Travis McElroy? Okay. Oh, no, no, no. See, I was crazy. I slid the door and then I walked to the kitchen to get a Diet Coke, walked back to the living room and the door was cracked open. I then walked back into the room and something pushed my shoulder and grunted. That was it. For the next eight hours, I tore the piano apart and threw it outside in my scrap pile for the dump.
43:17 Travis McElroy? That's, yes, that's, so that is what, let's see, yeah, this is what, you can see here. The scrap pile for the dump, yeah, that's great. There's a big pile of piano for the dump. There is the piano keys all, all torn up and you can buy one of these guys. Eight hours? I read online. It's not that big of a piano. It's not that big of a piano. That is, yeah, eight hours. If my. I read online that bringing a haunted or spirit attached item into a home, often via antique shops for secondhand purchases, can introduce paranormal activity. Yeah. Including unexplainable noises. Especially if it's a copy of paranormal activity on DVD. That's true. Ironically, very haunted, very quick.
43:58 Travis McElroy? Days ago, I went out to the scrap pile and found a dead stray cat lying next to the cast iron frame of the piano. The piano did it? I don't know if the piano would. No, listen, no, listen, guys, listen. It wanted to string a violin. Let, listen. Days ago, I went out to the scrap pile and found a dead stray cat lying next to the cast iron frame of the piano. It looked like it had frozen to death in the winter storm. I find it hard to believe it had nothing to do with the haunted piano.
44:24 Griffin McElroy? I mean, you do?
44:25 Travis McElroy? I mean, I mean, it was a, it was pretty cold. The pics posted the piano and the door that would randomly be open or closed on its own. The doorway is around 100 pounds. It cannot slide open on its own. For the, if you give this as a gift, I strongly suggest you give permission.
44:40 Griffin McElroy? Your door is 100 pounds?
44:42 Travis McElroy? It's made of piano. Everything in the house is made of piano, even the guitar.
44:49 Travis McElroy? Um, I just wanted to say, I, the seller, it, a lot of times when you read these, you get the sense that it's somebody who's like done a lot of them. This is not that. This is a person who I sincerely believe this entire story is accurate. Why do I believe that? Well, I clicked on their profile picture of the other items that they sell. Are you guys ready? Yeah. For a real, okay, so if you, I'm just gonna kind of slow this down. Before you click on it, can I point out my favorite thing about this entire listing?
45:24 Griffin McElroy? What is it, Trav? Sure, yeah.
45:25 Travis McElroy? It's that if you buy one key, it's 19.99 each, but oh, boy, oh, boy, have we got a deal for you. If you buy four or more of these things, you're gonna save $5. It's only 15.99 a key. These things are selling themselves and playing themselves. Come on down and buy these keys.
45:45 Griffin McElroy? We are, we are looking to make over $1,400 on this, on this one project. That's exciting for me as an investor.
45:52 Travis McElroy? It's a very good idea and I hope it works out for them. So let's take a look.
45:56 Griffin McElroy? What else do we got?
45:57 Travis McElroy? Share this tab. Okay, can you see?
46:00 Griffin McElroy? Uh huh.
46:01 Travis McElroy? All right, so guys, let's, we're not gonna, I don't, I don't go down for these gendered categories. So let's just start looking at individual items. So what's the first, you start the first time, then you guys can just like kind of take turns describing what you see.
46:11 Griffin McElroy? Wowzers, bowzers, dude.
46:12 Travis McElroy? So it is haunted, haunted item, piano key, paranormal, and explain to us the blah blah. Okay, that's, so the haunted item is there. Then what else we got?
46:20 Griffin McElroy? We also have a lot of four Tom and Jerry slash Looney Tunes welches jelly glasses, year 1990 to 1994. That's 25 bucks, that's actually pretty fucking good.
46:29 Travis McElroy? If those are available, I remember us having those. And then what else we got, Trav? Ballistic armor kit, one neck collar. One groin protector, one throat protector.
46:40 Griffin McElroy? That's good. As long as you protect your neck and your groin and your throat, that's should be good. Small red apple trinket box. Slash hinged magnetic lock jewelry box keepsakes.
46:51 Travis McElroy? Alan Jackson Greatest Hits Volume 2. Set tape, brand new sealed.
46:57 Griffin McElroy? 10 bucks for the Alan Jackson. We got a Disney High School Musical jersey. Size large.
47:03 Travis McElroy? Sure fit, love seat, stretch slip cover.
47:07 Griffin McElroy? We got charcoal smoker box, stainless steel, nine by four.
47:12 Travis McElroy? Travis. Vintage hyper freak show fat boys, the inline skate wheels.
47:18 Griffin McElroy? These are vintage hyper freak show fat boys wheels? A 511 men's tactical jacket, medium light gray fleece lined front zip pockets.
47:28 Travis McElroy? Travis. Well, then we got, uh, what is that? A 511 men's tactical jacket. I just did that. Oh, you lost interest, didn't you Travis? Fox mini jeweled pewter trinket box, wildlife decor, small jewelry box.
47:42 Griffin McElroy? We got a single curated pod drip tray. Uh, this person really.
47:48 Griffin McElroy? That's a lot. That's a lot of different kinds of stuff.
47:51 Travis McElroy? It's a lot of different kinds of stuff. So I think I believe the story. I believe in this haunted piano. And here's all I'll say, I'm not buying any of these, but you could pick them up for 20 bucks a pop. So I would love it. Or 15.99 if you get in bulk.
48:05 Griffin McElroy? If you want to get.
48:06 Travis McElroy? Buy in bulk.
48:07 Griffin McElroy? Deal. Yeah.
48:08 Travis McElroy? I just think it's really sad, uh, this story of a stray cat that used to sneak into this woman's house or this person's house. I don't know. They used to sneak into this person's house, walk on the keys. And then when the stray cat saw that the piano was dead, notebooked itself right next to the piano and said, I too shall die with you.
48:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
48:26 Travis McElroy? Is your friend? I think that's beautiful. The high E string on the guitar. How about another question? Recently, my landlady stopped by to assess a problem I have with my washing machine. While making casual conversation, she mentioned that she's in massage school and is required to give free massages to family and friends for her certification. I desperately want a massage after shoveling snow from the recent storm and because of recent work stress, but my partner thinks it's weird to get one from our landlady. Brothers, is that weird? If not, how do I go about asking her if she's willing to give me a massage? That's from stressed in Silver Spring.
49:01 Griffin McElroy? God, I feel you. Update.
49:02 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
49:03 Griffin McElroy? Update. All the hardware stores in DC are sold out of everything anyone could ever conceivably use to combat snow. So I was not able to acquire a pickaxe. Instead, my attention was drawn by the employees at the hardware stores to just get a big claw hammer and you can smash the ice. So that's me, my front yard for like 45 minutes yesterday, smash an ice up a part with the backside of a claw hammer on my hands and knees.
49:31 Travis McElroy? Feel good?
49:32 Griffin McElroy? Like a real doofus. It doesn't look cool. It doesn't feel cool. It feels bad on the body. So I sympathize very much with you, friend in Silver Spring. That said,
49:44 Griffin McElroy? I don't know if you can ask your, I don't know if you can ask your landlord for a massage.
49:48 Travis McElroy? I think you missed the window for it to be casual.
49:52 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
49:52 Travis McElroy? Yeah. If the moment when the-
49:54 Griffin McElroy? It's like, I've been thinking about it.
49:55 Travis McElroy? Yeah. If the moment the landlady had said like, I gotta give massages, you know, to practice. And you say, oh, I'd love that, man. I've been so, right then, natural-
50:06 Griffin McElroy? Right then is-
50:07 Travis McElroy? Part of it is great. If lady are like- Sign me up.
50:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. I, I don't wanna-
50:12 Travis McElroy? But, but, but, but, but.
50:13 Griffin McElroy? Okay, but.
50:15 Travis McElroy? But how the fuck are you gonna do that kind of calculation on the fly? I can't do that kind of fucking mental math.
50:21 Griffin McElroy? Oh, you'd have to be a fundamentally different-
50:22 Travis McElroy? I don't have a beautiful mind. I can't like- You'd have to be this guy. Fractals.
50:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
50:27 Travis McElroy? You know what I mean? I can't do that. Travis- You just gotta hone your brain, Justin. Just hone your brain.
50:32 Griffin McElroy? Hone your brain and ditch your shame, bro.
50:35 Travis McElroy? I just, the answer is to speak before you think. That's what I do. Yeah, but no, I mean, we have equal numbers of questions being like, brothers, why did I say this? What the fuck is wrong with me? Oh, yeah, no. Why did I run my big stupid ass mouth? It's not great, but occasionally I get free massages. I don't know what to tell you. I was has had a lot more massages than I have. Thank you. To be, to be.
50:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I mean.
50:56 Travis McElroy? Empirical.
50:56 Griffin McElroy? He's figured it out. I feel like, I don't want to do anything to push any kind of stigma on massage therapists and, and their, their craft bodywork. I think it's, I think it's all wonderful. My hang up is that it's your landlord. And to, to me, that, that is a orange juice and pizza kind of combination that I feel like it introduces a social dynamic that I don't think anyone is really capable of unpacking and processing.
51:25 Travis McElroy? There's a deeper level here that is the reason I would say no is I don't want to be somebody's practice person for things like this. There's a reason they said friends and family because those people are fine with it not being great.
51:42 Griffin McElroy? Right.
51:43 Travis McElroy? Right away. You gotta practice. Yeah, but like then pay for one. If you need a massage. Then pay for one.
51:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
51:48 Travis McElroy? Then pay for one. If the landlord gets in there and you're like, this is nothing. I, or, or it's like, well, it's worse. You think it could be worse? I guess it could be, right? I mean, if you could make it better, there's got to be some bad rubbing.
52:02 Travis McElroy? Right? I guess. I'm gonna try twisting this. Ow.
52:06 Griffin McElroy? No.
52:06 Travis McElroy? Ow. Okay, yeah. Is that a good hour or bad hour? I don't know.
52:09 Griffin McElroy? I don't know.
52:10 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna bop it. I'm gonna try bopping it. No, don't bop it. I'm gonna flick it. Don't flick it. What do I do? Rub it. That wasn't part of the game. It's hard because your body sends you pain messages to tell you to punch. And if you tell it like, no body, this is good for you, and you don't know that your body may not trust you anymore. What if you're wrong and it's actually bad for your body? Your body will be so betrayed.
52:34 Griffin McElroy? Was that the fucking five point palm exploding heart technique? Don't do that on me back.
52:38 Travis McElroy? Yeah, don't do that. Why'd you do that? My heart's a bit.
52:41 Griffin McElroy? Oh. I got five steps, though. That's my loophole.
52:45 Travis McElroy? Would you carry me out to my car?
52:46 Griffin McElroy? Carry me out to my car.
52:50 Travis McElroy? Put me in the truck.
52:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, you missed your window. Sorry.
52:54 Travis McElroy? Sorry.
52:54 Griffin McElroy? We can't help. We can't help with a lot of these. We can't help with this one, but.
52:58 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that's tough. And that's hard for us. Honestly.
53:01 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
53:02 Travis McElroy? That feels good. You're wrong. Like, it's tough. Nobody ever talks about how hard it is on us to not help you, to not do a good job to know. We love to be helpful. It's just not. It didn't come together this time.
53:12 Griffin McElroy? But check this out. Check this out. The reluctance that got you into this situation. Also, I want you to recognize serves you well in a lot of other situations. You're not jumping into the thick of it and just saying, you know, I'll take a, I'll take a massage. Thank you. Without thinking about it first, that, that behavior also, I think, is gonna, it'll, it'll pay off in the long run.
53:35 Travis McElroy? Pay off in the long run. It's just a lifestyle change.
53:38 Griffin McElroy? So you took the L this time. You took the L. Don't change your lifestyle.
53:40 Travis McElroy? You'll get them next time.
53:41 Griffin McElroy? Okay. Or you won't, but it's all, it's about the long game.
53:45 Travis McElroy? It's a long, it's a marathon, not a sprint. Thank you so much for, for listening to our podcast.
53:53 Travis McElroy? I want to tell you about some new stuff in the, in our merchandise store. If you head on over to macleodmerch.com, we've got a, it's a good day for a fishtie dye hat. And there's a Miggy hoodie designed by Brendan Dougherty. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month are going to be donated to the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota, which provides free immigration and legal representation to low-income immigrants and refugees in Minnesota and North Dakota.
54:18 Griffin McElroy? Hey, we got some, some projects we're doing on YouTube. First of all.
54:23 Travis McElroy? Dark, dark project.
54:24 Griffin McElroy? No, they're cool projects. Pretty much every Tuesday at noon, we play video games together. We just started playing RV There Yet, which is a real, a real silly one. Had a lot of fun doing that one. The last Tuesday of every month, we're also doing McRoy Family Clubhouse, that old chestnut. And then also throughout the week, we're doing solo streams of us playing games. Justin's been playing the Steven Spielberg movie, movie director game on the, what, what system is that even?
54:49 Travis McElroy? Steven Spielberg's film. Film, film director game.
54:53 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
54:54 Travis McElroy? Steven Spielberg's movie genius.
54:56 Griffin McElroy? Travis does ADHD detective, plays mystery games. I do Trial by Fieri, doing a one-hit randomizer of the Majora's Mask on Friday. So just go follow McElroy Entertainment System on Instagram and you'll be updated anytime we do any of our gaming content.
55:11 Travis McElroy? We also have, uh, over at ChampionsGrove.com, we've got three packages left that's coming up in May. Uh, come hang out at a castle in Hocking Hills, Ohio, play games with cool people, uh, talented guests like Christina Ariel and, uh, Haley Whipjack and a bunch of other folks. Check it out at ChampionsGrove.com. Uh, we'll see you there.
55:32 Griffin McElroy? Hey, it's almost one month to the day also until my choose your own adventure book, The Stowaway comes out.
55:37 Travis McElroy? Whoa.
55:38 Griffin McElroy? You can preorder it now. And in fact, I would hugely appreciate if you would take a, take a moment to do it. It's 10 bucks, 10 buck paperback.
55:45 Travis McElroy? Come on.
55:46 Griffin McElroy? Come on. And, uh, it's a fun story and it's, it's, uh, it's age appropriate for younger readers, uh, which is not something, not usually a, a, a color we paint with. It's not on our palette often. Um.
55:59 Travis McElroy? Is it my turn to throw something?
56:00 Griffin McElroy? Bit.ly slash Griffin Stowaway. So you can go preorder that. Comes out March 10th. And go ahead.
56:04 Travis McElroy? I was gonna try to throw this plastic thing because.
56:05 Griffin McElroy? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
56:07 Travis McElroy? SD card holder. I thought maybe it's got little hooks on it. So.
56:10 Griffin McElroy? Was that your crystal gem?
56:12 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that's my crystal gem. I thought maybe if I threw it at the acoustic foam, it might like stick to it.
56:18 Griffin McElroy? It's not gonna make it.
56:19 Travis McElroy? It's actually a little. Bsec.
56:21 Griffin McElroy? The sound won't really hum it. Stand up. Don't throw sit. We, we, can we promise each other to never throw sitting down?
56:29 Griffin McElroy? Hum that shit.
56:34 Travis McElroy? My name is Justin McElroy. It didn't stick.
56:36 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
56:39 Griffin McElroy? I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy.
56:41 Travis McElroy? This has been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad, square on the lips.
56:51 Speaker 07 Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.
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