Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. To claim your Double your Roses offer, go to https://1800flowers.com/ymh. Just go to https://LiveGood.com/YMH to save 10% on your first order. Go to https://shopify.com/momshouse to upgrade your selling today. Hey mommies, this week it's just Tom and Tina doing what they do in the place where they do it. Valentime's Day is around the corner so the Main Mommies check out some ideas Fancy Chef has cooked up, before opening the show with a dude who's not ashamed to admit his burying skills. They also watch a user submitted happy birthday drive-thru video, recall some classic clips from William Tapley aka the Third Eagle of the Apocalypse, speculate on Norm Summerton's whereabouts, congratulate YMH President Emma Hix on winning best POV Anal scene at the AVN awards, ridicule some gypsies, and Christina faces her fears and takes on a gauntlet of puke clips. They also check out some TikToks, horrible or hilarious clips, and other weird and wild vids from the darkest corners of the internets. What do you think Unc Shine is saying in Nikki Minaj clip? Let us know below! Your Mom’s House Ep. 796 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT) or visit http://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: http://dkng.co/dk-offer-terms . Ends 2/9/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Chapter Markers 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:13 - Valentime's Day Right Around The Corner 00:05:49 - Opening Clip: Bury My Face In It 00:13:09 - Christina Makes A Great Point 00:15:57 - Happy Birthday Drive-Thru 00:19:32 - Clip: Unc Shine Wants Some Nikki Minaj 00:26:43 - Clip: BIPOC Anthem 00:30:43 - William Tapley The Third Eagle Of The Apocalypse 00:34:32 - Clip: Norm Summerton 00:35:28 - Clip: Bruce Bruce Saying Bert's Name Wrong 00:36:31 - The Romani People 00:43:10 - Gauntlet Of Puke 00:53:23 - Horrible Or Hilarious 00:58:02 - Clip: Upper Back Pain Removal 00:58:58 - Clip: Flossing Nurse 01:01:01 - Congratulations To YMH President Emma Hix 01:02:41 - TikToks 01:16:04 - Closing Song - "I Got Diarrhea" by Ali XieZer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Tom Segura?

  Battle Creek, Michigan. I am coming to the Fire Keepers Casino on Friday, May 9th. The pre-sale goes live tomorrow, Thursday, February 6th at 10 a.m. Eastern with the code word TOMMY.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

• 0:22Tom Segura?

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• 1:06Tom Segura?

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• 1:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck me in my ass.

• 1:50Tom Segura?

  Man, that's Ghost Crew.

• 1:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've missed that. I missed that.

• 1:56Tom Segura?

  Ghost Crew's the shit.

• 1:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was like a trip down all my favorites. Homeless man gets by gay ghost. It's probably one of the top clips on the internet, ever.

• 2:07Tom Segura?

  Ever. Fuck me in my ass, man.

• 2:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shit feels good. Feels good when you're fucking me.

• 2:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 2:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he really gets into it.

• 2:14Tom Segura?

  Do they even have that?

• 2:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, for sure.

• 2:16Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  It feels good.

• 2:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 2:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Feels good when you're fucking.

• 2:24Tom Segura?

  Ah, yeah. Yeah, it's, it's pretty great. It is really great.

• 2:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  For those of you don't know, it's a homeless guy who thinks he's being

• 2:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  annoying, anally sexted.

• 2:38Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 2:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's in an alleyway on his back and he's got his legs in the dyed up.

• 2:41Tom Segura?

  Up in the air, yeah.

• 2:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's.

• 2:42Speaker 04

  Fuck me in my ass, man.

• 2:44Tom Segura?

  He's talking to nobody.

• 2:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's talking to nobody, but.

• 2:45Tom Segura?

  That's why it's called gay ghost.

• 2:48Speaker 04

  This shit should be easy.

• 2:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  But what always gets me about homeless guy gets raped by a gay ghost is his level of passion.

• 2:56Tom Segura?

  Oh, he's so into it. Yeah. No, I would say to most people, you've never had a real person react that way.

• 3:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's enviable.

• 3:05Tom Segura?

  It shows you that the imagination is stronger than anything.

• 3:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sex is in the mind, Tom.

• 3:10Tom Segura?

  It's in the mind.

• 3:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I've heard.

• 3:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  How are you doing?

• 3:15Tom Segura?

  I'm good. How are you?

• 3:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm great. I just want to make a little announcement before we go forward. That Valentine's Day is fast approaching and gentlemen.

• 3:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  You should definitely get your lady the perfect four. You get all four of my lipsticks in one, one parcel. Go to Christina P dot com and buy it now, right before Valentine's Day. Perfect timing.

• 3:37Tom Segura?

  Absolutely.

• 3:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 3:38Speaker 04

  Don't compliment that bitch.

• 3:40Tom Segura?

  Buy her a gift.

• 3:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I miss that. Oh, there's my ads. I'm so excited. There's all kinds of new photos up on my website you're going to see for this lipstick company. It's just too exciting.

• 3:51Tom Segura?

  Also, I would consider these, but also I just have to give a plug. Fancy Chef is offering incredible Valentine's Day packages. I've seen it on his page. He's doing strawberries.

• 4:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 4:04Tom Segura?

  Panties and diamonds.

• 4:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 4:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Panties and diamonds?

• 4:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah. He's got multiple. Yep, I've seen him plug them. So if you're considering, you know, um.

• 4:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 4:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, doing that. Yeah, he's got a Super Bowl package also.

• 4:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's awesome.

• 4:19Tom Segura?

  Valentine's, he's really been into.

• 4:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's really exciting, but unfortunately, I mean, I don't know if he's changed his booking policy. But last time, if he didn't have a mansion, he wasn't gonna do house.

• 4:30Tom Segura?

  Mansions, yachts, castles, millionaire. Oh, there's, I bet you those strawberries right there in the middle on that plate. I bet you that's Valentine's. Valentine's Day.

• 4:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  They look really good.

• 4:39Tom Segura?

  He's like, let's check that out. You can get that for like

• 4:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:42Tom Segura?

  Three, $400, he sends you those.

• 4:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:44Tom Segura?

  It's a good deal.

• 4:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look, I couldn't think of something like that.

• 4:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Three strawberries positioned so beautifully.

• 4:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  It looks good.

• 4:51Tom Segura?

  It spells Valentine's Day, chef. Well, he's never said Valentine's Day, so I don't know why they're.

• 4:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:58Tom Segura?

  It's pretty, it's pretty awesome.

• 4:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Grow up, guys.

• 4:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He's got, I've seen him. If you scroll down, I think, oh, right there on the cart, I bet you that's a Valentine's Day post.

• 5:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, oh.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  Valentine's Day. I got my diamond special. And I got my platinum special.

• 5:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  $3.50 for the platinum and up.

• 5:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  $500 for the diamond, strawberries, alcohol, Moet, Chardonnay. Book me and book me now. Write to Chef. Look how beautiful ladies. Put on your face.

• 5:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  Write ladies, write me. [email protected]. Place your order. Listen to me good. February 10th is the deadline. You want my strawberries, the ranch y'all been asking for?

• 5:43Tom Segura?

  Strawberries and ranch.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  You gotta book me now.

• 5:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love strawberries and ranch.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  New Jersey, Connecticut. Book me now. You want this on your face? You want your baby boy to rub it down on you? Book me, baby. You get it.

• 5:54Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 5:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  The secret's in the packaging. I got, you want the big bowl?

• 5:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  Jeez. All right, guys.

• 6:00Tom Segura?

  Nice.

• 6:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's so good at marketing.

• 6:02Tom Segura?

  So fantastic.

• 6:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  And if you haven't tried his strawberries with ranch, do yourself a favor and get on that now.

• 6:08Tom Segura?

  I would love to hear of somebody ordering this, just to see what the unboxing is like. So I hope one of you lets us know that you got the $300 or $500 special with cream, strawberries, ranch, peonies, diamonds. It's gotta be just.

• 6:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:27Tom Segura?

  I wonder what the margin is on that. I wonder what he, what the cost is.

• 6:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Panties and diamonds?

• 6:32Tom Segura?

  I mean, he's probably losing money.

• 6:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  For sure.

• 6:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 6:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's the artist he is.

• 6:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's giving, he's giving you something.

• 6:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:40Tom Segura?

  That's very exciting.

• 6:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Guys, we have so many good things on this episode.

• 6:47Tom Segura?

  It's so great. Um, okay. Are you ready for the show to start?

• 6:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm ready.

• 6:51Tom Segura?

  Let's do it.

• 6:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hello.

• 6:52Speaker 05

  I mean, this woman's pussy was beautiful. And I buried my face in it for an hour and a half, and I am not ashamed.

• 7:01Speaker 06

  This shit is big, guys.

• 7:02Speaker 05

  Who is Ryan?

• 7:04Speaker 07

  Don't bring anyone mothering to this. Your mama in the fucking stand.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura.

• 7:15Speaker 07

  And Christina Pajitsic.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Welcome to your mom's house.

• 7:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel that.

• 7:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow.

• 7:56Speaker 05

  I mean, this woman's pussy was beautiful.

• 7:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, stop.

• 7:59Tom Segura?

  Well.

• 8:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop it.

• 8:02Tom Segura?

  Howard, honestly, I really don't understand. How does this not arouse you?

• 8:07Tom Segura?

  Seriously.

• 8:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what? Yes, I'm aroused.

• 8:09Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 8:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have obvi.

• 8:12Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 8:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, it just makes you really understand the deep need, the sexual needs that men have.

• 8:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it, it, they are deep. And I also feel like this is a wonderful message that this man said. I think that your natural recoil that I witnessed is simply due to the packaging. In other words, if this were a different man, you'd be like, mm, mm, mm.

• 8:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, all right. I'll go with you on this journey.

• 8:36Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 8:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which man?

• 8:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on. And also, thank you. And also, it's delivery. The way he says it is very desperate.

• 8:50Tom Segura?

  He's confessing.

• 8:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but it's not hot. If it's a dude who's like, if he says it with more confidence.

• 8:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I get you. Well, maybe he's just trying to work up to that confidence.

• 9:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think Henry Cavill would even say these words?

• 9:03Tom Segura?

  Well.

• 9:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  He wouldn't say that, not my Henry.

• 9:06Tom Segura?

  I think he might in a different setting. He's not going to say it in a press junket, but I think if you were, if you were sitting around, we're smoking cigars, talking about our life's work.

• 9:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 9:17Tom Segura?

  And then I was, you know, talking about his travels. He was like, oh, man.

• 9:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I like. Yeah, that's different.

• 9:23Tom Segura?

  I was in the south of France.

• 9:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 9:25Tom Segura?

  And this woman's pussy was just beautiful, man.

• 9:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's different.

• 9:27Tom Segura?

  Right. It's different. So I'm saying the message is the same. It's the packaging and the delivery.

• 9:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, you know, with everything, Tom.

• 9:35Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 9:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  With everything.

• 9:37Tom Segura?

  But let's watch this guy again.

• 9:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's okay. I got it.

• 9:39Speaker 05

  I mean, this woman's pussy was beautiful. And I buried my face in it for an hour and a half, and I am not ashamed.

• 9:45Tom Segura?

  Can I tell you something, though?

• 9:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  But no one's shaming him.

• 9:47Tom Segura?

  But here's the thing, he is ashamed. Like, the way he's saying it.

• 9:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 9:52Tom Segura?

  He's like, I'm not ashamed.

• 9:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 9:54Tom Segura?

  That's like a shame that he feels.

• 9:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you think somebody shamed him for that?

• 9:59Tom Segura?

  Well, I'm saying his, his body language and the way he's saying it, you, it infers shame.

• 10:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think he's like, like raised evangelical Christian or something weird?

• 10:10Tom Segura?

  Maybe. Maybe he still has guilt about that kind of thing. What I also find interesting is that he's, you know, is this just, is someone asking him a question? Or is he just like, I gotta get this out there?

• 10:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's always, that's a really good point, because that's a, that's a different video.

• 10:27Tom Segura?

  God, can you fucking stop ruining that?

• 10:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a different post. I think I have a little cold or something.

• 10:31Tom Segura?

  Stop. So gross.

• 10:35Tom Segura?

  What, he wants to fucking hear that?

• 10:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway.

• 10:40Tom Segura?

  Fucking play it again.

• 10:41Speaker 05

  I mean, this woman's pussy was beautiful.

• 10:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, yeah, I guess he's got, yeah, is it like a support group for men that are ashamed of enjoying women's vagines? Is it?

• 10:53Tom Segura?

  I don't think it's a support group. I really feel like he, he hasn't been able to share this and he's, and it's been inside of him.

• 11:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  For so long, the deep shame about loving women.

• 11:06Tom Segura?

  Cause that's an old story. I don't think it's something that happened last week.

• 11:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm, okay. You know what? I just realized BTW.

• 11:16Tom Segura?

  What?

• 11:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  10, why do you say it with disdain?

• 11:18Tom Segura?

  Because you're fucking so gross with it. You're clearing your throat and no one wants to hear. But turn away from the mic, man.

• 11:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm a broadcaster. I gotta clear in the instrument before I get out.

• 11:27Tom Segura?

  But turn away.

• 11:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then how will you hear it?

• 11:32Tom Segura?

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• 12:13Tom Segura?

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• 12:30Speaker 08

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• 12:59Tom Segura?

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• 13:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  So true.

• 13:12Tom Segura?

  Isn't that true?

• 13:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Always true.

• 13:13Tom Segura?

  And this year, I'm partnering with 1-800-FLOWERS to make sure you're a Valentine's hero with an exclusive offer for our listeners: double the roses for free. When you buy one dozen, they'll double your bouquet to two dozen roses. It's the perfect way to say I love you without breaking the bank. Trust me, 1-800-FLOWERS always delivers.

• 13:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gene, I love the black roses that you got me for this Valentine's Day. You really know me.

• 13:38Tom Segura?

  Flowers, man, you can't lose when you get flowers.

• 13:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 13:41Tom Segura?

  All roses from 1-800-FLOWERS are picked at their peak, cared for every step of the way, and shipped fresh to ensure lasting beauty. Think ahead this year. When you order one dozen, they'll double the rose bouquet for free. A great value. Bouquets are selling fast, so lock in your order today. Win their hearts this Valentine's with 1-800-FLOWERS.COM. To claim your double, your roses offer, go to 1-800-FLOWERS.COM/YMH. That's 1-800-FLOWERS.COM/YMH. Go ahead, what?

• 14:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm forgetting my fucking point. Okay, listen, listen, listen. What I'm trying to say, Your Honor, is that I, I severe, and I, this, I have to thank Dr. Drew Pinsky.

• 14:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 14:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Number one, he really alerted me to the fact of how sexually motivated men are. And I really didn't understand this. I was so naive to it my entire life, up until about five years ago. I really did not understand. And in fact, I saw like a TikTok or something where this guy was like, men and women talk to each other for different reasons. Okay, so for instance, men think that when a woman talks to them, it's because they're interested in them sexually. Okay, but women, from our point of view, I'll talk to anybody most of the time when I'm in a good mood. I wouldn't say that. But like, I, I, I talk to men and I don't even, to men, I would

• 15:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  think disgusting, vile, I'm never gonna have sex with you. There's nothing sexual. But I didn't realize that, that every time I was talking to a dude, they're like, this girl wants me. Like, why else is she paying attention to me? She wants to bang me, obviously. I mean, I guess, like, in the past, you would always be like, oh, you think he's hot, you flirt with him. I'm like, no, I just, you know what I mean? I just like, I like people. I don't think of it.

• 15:30Tom Segura?

  I don't think of you as a people person. I think this is a-

• 15:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not now. I used to be. I think, I think the older I get, the, I'm tired, I'm weary. I only want to hang out with types of folks I really gel with. Like, if we're not on the same frequency, and you're a normie, or you're, you know what I mean, you're, you're low vibe, I can't, I can't. I can't explain myself to you.

• 15:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I mean, I think, well, but some of this is like the context of a conversation. So like, if a man approaches a woman, right, a lot of times, like, in other words, you're sitting there, and someone just walks over and talks to you, that's usually a sign of interest from the man.

• 16:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  For sure.

• 16:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 16:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  But this guy on TikTok was like, I just assume that when a woman talks to me,

• 16:11Tom Segura?

  That she likes me?

• 16:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  She must, like, like me, like, have an interest in me. Otherwise, because men are the way, like, men don't talk to women.

• 16:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 16:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Unless they're interested, right? Like, do you just talk to random broads?

• 16:23Tom Segura?

  I mean, I don't, I definitely don't think that a woman who says something to me is interested in me. I think that's a crazy thought, of that guy. But I also think that there's different, like, there are guys who are usually, they're off when they think like that.

• 16:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, so maybe this guy was off. I can't imagine anybody on TikTok is off.

• 16:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I think, I think a guy is definitely, he's not used to being around women if his first thought when a woman talks to him is like, this woman likes me.

• 16:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, because he was saying, I don't talk to a woman unless I'm interested.

• 16:57Tom Segura?

  All my audio just cut out. I don't have any audio.

• 17:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you hear that?

• 17:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god, did you hear that?

• 17:09Tom Segura?

  I didn't. So there's um

• 17:13Tom Segura?

  only one good happy birthday governor that came in this week, but it's a good one.

• 17:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alright, I'm so, I love these. I wish, I wanna see more and more and more.

• 17:22Tom Segura?

  Please send them in. It's a British accent and you say happy birthday and you get your coffee.

• 17:33Speaker 07

  Welcome to Starbucks, I'm just writing anything to eat for ya.

• 17:36Speaker 09

  No, thank you, love. Um could I get a venti hot pistachio latte, please?

• 17:44Speaker 07

  Wow. Yeah.

• 17:45Speaker 09

  Could you make that with moose soup?

• 17:48Speaker 07

  With what?

• 17:50Speaker 09

  I'm sorry, uh, how you say in English, uh, oat milk?

• 17:53Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 17:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  In English.

• 17:55Speaker 07

  What else?

• 17:56Speaker 09

  Oh, geez, Danish is talking to me now. You know, I try not to eat carbs. When I see it though.

• 18:05Speaker 07

  There's no carbs in that.

• 18:06Speaker 09

  Oh, I know. When I see it, I think, just let me eat you one time. I better not, love. Let's just stick with the latte, please.

• 18:15Speaker 07

  Anything else?

• 18:17Speaker 09

  That's it.

• 18:18Speaker 07

  Okay, come on up.

• 18:19Speaker 09

  Thank you, happy birthday.

• 18:23Speaker 09

  What's everybody? How are you?

• 18:27Speaker 09

  Oh, F A R T. Let me grab. Yeah, sniff that one.

• 18:35Speaker 09

  Oh. You know what?

• 18:39Speaker 09

  Here you go, love.

• 18:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sniff that.

• 18:40Speaker 09

  Happy birthday.

• 18:41Speaker 07

  Thank you. You wanna tap for me?

• 18:44Speaker 09

  Oh, I didn't tap? Let me try again.

• 18:49Speaker 07

  Thank you. Here's that latte for ya.

• 18:54Speaker 09

  Thank you, happy birthday.

• 18:58Tom Segura?

  That was great, man. Thanks, Landon.

• 19:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 19:01Tom Segura?

  He, he pulled out the hits.

• 19:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:04Tom Segura?

  Sniff that one.

• 19:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Moose soup, that's a deep cut right there.

• 19:09Tom Segura?

  Let me eat you one time.

• 19:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dang.

• 19:11Tom Segura?

  That's great.

• 19:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you so much. That really was outstanding.

• 19:14Tom Segura?

  Really great. So, follow Landon's lead. As British as you can get, the stronger the Cockney accent, the better.

• 19:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you have to get, you have to get happy birthday in there.

• 19:27Tom Segura?

  He got in way more than that.

• 19:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, look, if you guys are afraid to do the accent, we understand. Maybe, can we open it up to any accent of your choice?

• 19:35Tom Segura?

  Sure, sure. That's good. Yeah.

• 19:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because he did kind of descend into Australian.

• 19:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he, he.

• 19:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  He was all over the place.

• 19:42Tom Segura?

  She was definitely like, this guy's insane. She kept a smile on her face like, yeah, she knew he was a crazy person. But, um, sure, yeah, go ahead and do different accents. That's fine.

• 19:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just have to get a happy birthday.

• 19:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but just don't do an American accent.

• 19:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 19:57Tom Segura?

  Do some accent, you know?

• 19:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you can do Canadian, eh? It's super easy.

• 20:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, do it.

• 20:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or you can do, you can do it as a Laria Baldwin. How do you say? Bar stocks?

• 20:09Tom Segura?

  He said in English, how do you say?

• 20:13Tom Segura?

  He goes, how do you say in English oat milk?

• 20:18Tom Segura?

  Fuck. That's insane.

• 20:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  How do you say? Oat leche?

• 20:24Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 20:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  In my country, we order, we say happy birthday.

• 20:31Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 20:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was a good time.

• 20:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but no, what you were saying is though, you were right though, is that there is a, a constant hum that exists in men that is a sexual drive. But I think women's is like, can be turned on and off depending on their connection to somebody. But a man's just like, just stays there. Yeah.

• 20:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Static. Well, also it's contingent on our moon cycles as well. You know what I'm saying?

• 20:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I mean?

• 21:00Tom Segura?

  But here's a perfect example of how a man is always feeling it.

• 21:05Speaker 04

  Nigga Manaj.

• 21:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  What? What did he just say?

• 21:11Tom Segura?

  He was.

• 21:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  What did he even say?

• 21:14Tom Segura?

  Well, Nikki Minaj, but it sounded like something else.

• 21:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nigga manaj.

• 21:36Speaker 06

  Nigga manaj. How you doing, baby?

• 21:41Speaker 06

  Well, shake it in my face. Shake that pussy in my face.

• 21:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:45Speaker 06

  Straight up.

• 21:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  God.

• 21:47Speaker 06

  Shake that pussy in my face.

• 21:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I got it.

• 21:49Speaker 06

  Make me happy. And look, check this out, y'all.

• 21:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, God.

• 21:55Speaker 06

  That girl I seen to the store?

• 21:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 21:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:01Speaker 06

  I like them little drawers she wearing.

• 22:03Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:04Speaker 06

  Them little bikini.

• 22:06Tom Segura?

  This man's message has not changed

• 22:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 22:09Tom Segura?

  in a decade. He's in his 60s, by the way, you know?

• 22:13Speaker 06

  Yeah, put your bikini in your booty, in your ass, in my face, girl. I'mma pass my tongue in your ass like a pit bull. Straight up.

• 22:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got it.

• 22:26Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah. I'mma pass my tongue in your ass. And I'mma get me that taco.

• 22:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I got it.

• 22:35Speaker 06

  And put it in your ass, and I'mma eat it.

• 22:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's gonna put my taco in my ass?

• 22:39Speaker 06

  And she know who I'm talking about.

• 22:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah, and then eat it.

• 22:41Speaker 06

  That's my baby girl.

• 22:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but here's a perfect example, though. This guy, this is what I was trying to tell you earlier. This guy?

• 22:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:47Tom Segura?

  If a woman was like, "I'm sorry, where's the, uh, Shell station?", he'd be like, "She's trying to fuck."

• 22:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 22:53Tom Segura?

  You know what I mean? So that's what I'm saying. Guys who are like, if any question is asked, they go, "Would you like me?"

• 22:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:59Tom Segura?

  That's, this is an example.

• 23:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's this guy, yeah.

• 23:02Tom Segura?

  You know?

• 23:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I do feel my younger, in my twenties.

• 23:07Speaker 06

  Nigga manaj.

• 23:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  He loves this. Hey, can I ask you something, stupid?

• 23:21Speaker 06

  Nigga manaj.

• 23:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you're gonna have a stroke. You better.

• 23:31Tom Segura?

  It's Nikki Minaj.

• 23:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  But is he saying it deliberately the wrong way?

• 23:35Tom Segura?

  No, I don't think so.

• 23:37Speaker 04

  How you doing, babe?

• 23:39Tom Segura?

  I don't think so.

• 23:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Play it again. I want to hear it. Is it N-word Minaj? Or is it Nikki Minaj?

• 23:45Tom Segura?

  That's what came up.

• 23:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on. This could be our whole new thing of what is he saying?

• 23:51Tom Segura?

  He knows it's Nikki Minaj. He does know that.

• 23:54Speaker 04

  Nigga Minaj.

• 23:56Tom Segura?

  There's no way. He was like, I'll just call her that.

• 24:02Tom Segura?

  That's fucking so crazy.

• 24:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right?

• 24:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah. You know, to add that to my drop folder.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  Definitely.

• 24:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hit one more. Once more.

• 24:16Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 24:18Tom Segura?

  Ready?

• 24:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go on, one. I really want to hear it. Yeah.

• 24:20Tom Segura?

  Listen, listen. Okay, here we go.

• 24:22Speaker 04

  Nigga Minaj.

• 24:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's definitely dropping.

• 24:27Tom Segura?

  Do you think she'll hear that and be like, oh, that's interesting?

• 24:31Tom Segura?

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• 25:15Tom Segura?

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• 25:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jean, I have Shopify, the app on my phone. All weekend long, I could see when I was selling my lipsticks. It's so cool.

• 25:44Tom Segura?

  Your lipstick are on fire. Shopify is telling you that it's really working. Nobody does selling better than Shopify. It's home to the number one checkout in the world. And the not so secret secret, Shop Pay, which boosts conversions by up to 50%, meaning fewer abandoned carts and more sales. If you're serious about growing your business, your commerce platform needs to be ready to sell wherever your customers are. On the web, in your store, in the feed, and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more, sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout ALO and SKIMS use. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period

• 26:26Tom Segura?

  at Shopify.com/moms house, all lowercase. It's the same thing that Jean's use to sell her lipstick. Go to Shopify.com/moms house to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com/moms house.

• 26:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  How pleasant.

• 26:45Tom Segura?

  Wow, that's wild.

• 26:49Tom Segura?

  So Trump's been in office now, not long. I thought that was a good segue.

• 26:56Tom Segura?

  He might call her that. Who's that singer? The one with the big ass that's been singing?

• 27:02Speaker 04

  Nigga mona.

• 27:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, boy.

• 27:06Tom Segura?

  I like her.

• 27:09Tom Segura?

  So he's been in office signing executive orders every day.

• 27:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's on fire.

• 27:14Tom Segura?

  On fire. Deporting people, freeing pardoning people, changing militaries, getting the transgenders out. Just a lot of, she's just like on a roll.

• 27:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  But there's only two genders now, which is so boring.

• 27:30Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 27:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  We gotta change our bathroom.

• 27:32Tom Segura?

  But this is what I love about how art reacts to political climate or big things that happen in the world. That's what artists do. They react, right?

• 27:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 27:44Tom Segura?

  There's war or there's somebody in power. And then you get, you know, an artist maybe paints something incredible or a movie comes out that touches on this subject. And in this case, a song that speaks, I think, to so many people. I've just been, this has been on repeat in my car. So gorgeous.

• 28:05Speaker 10

  Black and Indigenous, people of color. Black and Indigenous, people of color. Lesbian, gay, bi, transgender and queer. Lesbian, gay, bi, transgender and queer. Asian, American, Pacific Islander. Asian, American, Pacific Islander. Latino, Hispanic, Romani and Creole. Latino, Hispanic, Romani and Creole. We all have a place in this world.

• 28:50Speaker 10

  We all have a place in this world.

• 28:58Speaker 04

  Wow. Nigga, Manaj.

• 29:13Tom Segura?

  Woo. So.

• 29:18Tom Segura?

  That woman, though, wow, what a beautiful song. That is, um.

• 29:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, who is that?

• 29:24Tom Segura?

  Molly Galler.

• 29:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you, Molly.

• 29:26Tom Segura?

  She posts videos of her and her family band, The Galler Family, playing instruments. This is a, a, a video where she composed about Black Indigenous and people of color. She only has eighty-five subscribers on YouTube, so hopefully that number goes up. And this video has amassed over two thousand views. I think it's really resonated with people.

• 29:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I liked, she brought up the Romani people, which.

• 29:49Tom Segura?

  I know, that's the one. She probably lost half the people that liked the song, but.

• 29:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then she lumped in the Romani with the Creoles, which I thought, are Creole people, are they discriminated against as a?

• 30:00Tom Segura?

  Oh, maybe.

• 30:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't realize they're.

• 30:02Tom Segura?

  They're marginalized in some way.

• 30:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are they marginalized, the Creoles? I really didn't think of them as a.

• 30:07Tom Segura?

  Feels like a question for Nikki Minaj, but I feel like the thing that is really nice about this is that, you know, it just, it taps into every group.

• 30:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 30:18Tom Segura?

  And.

• 30:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, but I don't know, and I worry because I worry that she has left out some people.

• 30:24Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 30:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, you know, like, how do you cover all your? Your bases here.

• 30:28Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 30:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm upset. I don't know. I'm sure the comments are like, you forgot.

• 30:32Tom Segura?

  Oh, you forgot somebody.

• 30:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, Hawaiian.

• 30:35Tom Segura?

  Can you imagine how exhausting she is in real life, this woman? That's what I thought about. As she was singing, I was like, man, if you, if you made me spend time with this person, how quickly I would unravel.

• 30:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, let me go there with you, because I agree. Wait, what's worser? This broad.

• 30:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 30:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because let's round out her personality. It's, you think she's just super lefty and super duper like, I'm vegan, I don't eat gluten.

• 31:05Tom Segura?

  It's everything, dude.

• 31:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm support, and she's got the flags on her lawn. Oh, that part really gets me, playing the chess as an instrument. Oh, hold on, isn't that appropriation? That's like a Native American.

• 31:17Tom Segura?

  Well, she needed some rhythm.

• 31:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can't say anything remotely offensive?

• 31:23Tom Segura?

  She turned the comments off on this video, by the way.

• 31:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, boy.

• 31:26Tom Segura?

  I cannot imagine why.

• 31:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  But hold on, is it her or like, born again Christian, who's always talking about Jesus?

• 31:33Tom Segura?

  I would rather be with a born again Christian.

• 31:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 31:37Tom Segura?

  Maybe because I have a specific person to compare them to, and this is a broad description.

• 31:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 31:42Tom Segura?

  But you'd have to show me the specific born again Christian.

• 31:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  What if it's the Denver airport guy?

• 31:47Tom Segura?

  Oh, fucking, I would love to be with that guy. Are you kidding me?

• 31:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, really?

• 31:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he's talking about conspiracies and the Denver airport, it looks like a phallic symbol and.

• 31:58Tom Segura?

  Do we have him here?

• 31:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Obama and the three things on the flag.

• 32:02Tom Segura?

  Is he, is he on my thing?

• 32:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he is. The videos tab.

• 32:06Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay, hold on.

• 32:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wish we could get the two of them together.

• 32:09Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God, he's the fucking greatest.

• 32:13Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Vote for Donald. Remember, he was really.

• 32:17Tom Segura?

  He's gotta be so fucking happy right now.

• 32:25Tom Segura?

  This or the other one?

• 32:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 32:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 32:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  But they're both musicians. Vote for the Donald.

• 32:34Speaker 11

  Trump is the man. Let's put our nation into his hands.

• 32:41Tom Segura?

  Okay, just...

• 32:42Speaker 11

  Mike Pence and Donald make a great team.

• 32:47Tom Segura?

  Just songwriting alone, this is a way better song.

• 32:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I disagree, Tom. I disagree. I like... Can I tell you why? Here's why.

• 32:55Tom Segura?

  What?

• 32:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is a lot of accoutrement. Okay, it's kind of like a stand-up comic that needs props. Like, he needs the background with Donald. He needs this little keyboard. That woman was out in the snow

• 33:04Tom Segura?

  Songwriting?

• 33:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  With nothing but snow in her chest.

• 33:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but the song, the lyrics? Lyrics. Spit and bars compared to that. I mean, this is a cipher. He fucking wins.

• 33:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think sophistication, the woman, the indigenous people rap.

• 33:17Tom Segura?

  Also...

• 33:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think she's more sophisticated. Sorry, that's where I stand.

• 33:20Tom Segura?

  Also, do you not like insight?

• 33:22Speaker 11

  This is just a brief commentary on a new flag created for the Obama campaign.

• 33:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:28Speaker 11

  Now, up here on the left, we have the official logo of the Obama campaign.

• 33:34Tom Segura?

  And?

• 33:34Speaker 11

  That's a big O, which of course stands for him. And below that, there are several stripes

• 33:38Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 33:39Speaker 11

  which indicate the homosexual movement.

• 33:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 33:43Tom Segura?

  First of all, I like learning.

• 33:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:46Speaker 11

  And below Obama's logo, we have two stripes and three stripes, which look much more like streaks of blood.

• 33:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 33:53Speaker 11

  Now, some people don't like this kind of perversion of the American flag because it is very satanic.

• 33:59Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm. Yeah.

• 34:02Speaker 11

  Welcome to Revelation Unraveled. I'm your host, William Tapley, also known as the third eagle of the apocalypse and the prophet of the end times. On this program, I want to talk about contraception.

• 34:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 34:17Speaker 11

  And how using that will prevent you from being raptured.

• 34:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh shit.

• 34:22Speaker 11

  Last week, the Pope made news headlines by saying that you cannot prevent AIDS through the use of condoms. And of course, he was correct.

• 34:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, you want to have dinner with this?

• 34:36Tom Segura?

  Fuck, yes.

• 34:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Will you please pass the maple syrup? I mean, you can't with him.

• 34:40Tom Segura?

  I would be enamored.

• 34:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's the nonsense.

• 34:42Tom Segura?

  I would never stop asking questions. Let me ask you this, how the fuck have we never contacted this man?

• 34:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have we?

• 34:50Speaker 11

  We've been trying.

• 34:51Tom Segura?

  You've been trying?

• 34:51Speaker 11

  We've been trying for years, yeah, he will not respond.

• 34:53Tom Segura?

  He won't respond?

• 34:54Speaker 11

  No.

• 34:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know who we should check in on?

• 35:12Speaker 07

  RPC to replace RPG?

• 35:15Speaker 11

  I'm not sure, RPC would be, I read the names all of a sudden, the ones that were pointed, but I forgot now what their initials are.

• 35:25Tom Segura?

  I mean, if, if we can't get William Tapley, the third eagle of the apocalypse on the show, what the fuck are we even doing? This is incredible.

• 35:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know who we should check in on too, is a pig with tits?

• 35:38Tom Segura?

  Oh, Norm Summerton.

• 35:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, Norm, I wonder what he's into these days. Will you look into him, Josh? I'm so curious.

• 35:45Speaker 11

  Yeah, for sure.

• 35:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck.

• 35:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would hang out with Norm Summerton over the third eagle of the apocalypse. Yeah, he's a good time. He's such a good time.

• 35:57Tom Segura?

  Those are crazy tits he's got.

• 36:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, is that just from those suction cups?

• 36:02Tom Segura?

  I mean, a lot, you do them all the time.

• 36:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so crazy, I didn't realize you could just do that. Dude, he just straight up made those tits.

• 36:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or is he taking hormones too?

• 36:13Tom Segura?

  I don't think so.

• 36:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just the.

• 36:14Tom Segura?

  It's he had some, probably some, you know, natural skin and meat there. And then he just puts those tickups in and he fucking works them six, seven hours at a time. Yeah. But that actually is a really great example of how like commitment and discipline is how you get results. You can't just wish.

• 36:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You need a strong base. Like, I feel like Bert, Bert, Bert Kirchner would be an ideal candidate for tickups. Don't you feel like he's got a good base coat of tit meat, probably?

• 36:38Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then it would just take six or eight hours, like you said, and he's got D-cups.

• 36:42Tom Segura?

  Now that you said that, I have to show you this.

• 36:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 36:45Speaker 12

  I did a couple of dates with Bert Kirchner. Yeah, Bert, yeah.

• 36:50Speaker 12

  And, and let me tell you, it was a dude played the drums, the guitar and the keyboard. And the thing was, he was good. Okay. He was good. They laughing at me. Bert Kirchner? Well, you know, you know.

• 37:07Tom Segura?

  You know, you know what I'm talking about.

• 37:13Tom Segura?

  You know what I'm talking about, right? That one I say.

• 37:16Speaker 04

  Nigga, my nice.

• 37:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. You really like that one?

• 37:21Tom Segura?

  It's the best thing I've ever heard in my life.

• 37:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 37:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, okay. All right. Vote for the Donald.

• 37:30Tom Segura?

  He is the man. See, we're singing that one.

• 37:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Hold on. Indigenous people, red and cream, and your rainy gypsies, gypsies are, but everybody else is welcome. No.

• 37:45Tom Segura?

  No.

• 37:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 37:46Tom Segura?

  It is funny how the Romani are actually loathed by all of society.

• 37:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Most, yeah. Most. Well, because they, they are thieving con artists.

• 37:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, they teach their kids to steal and, and rob and be scumbags.

• 38:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's a horrible culture. Horrible culture.

• 38:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's a horrible culture. It truly is.

• 38:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've seen the show about them, the, the gypsies. Was that, remember my big gypsy wedding?

• 38:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, those, those are like.

• 38:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's terrible.

• 38:17Tom Segura?

  Travelers in, in the States, though. That's like West Virginia gypsies.

• 38:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Romney shale.

• 38:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah. But if you go to see the real Romani people of like Europe, they're fucking the worst.

• 38:31Tom Segura?

  They're just pariahs.

• 38:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  They are, but the Romani shales here are, okay, let me just tell you why I got a little problem with them. Is they, they, they do teenage brides. Remember those girls?

• 38:41Tom Segura?

  They get married at like fourteen.

• 38:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like guys.

• 38:44Tom Segura?

  I clean. It's real important to clean. He out there doing work.

• 38:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 38:49Tom Segura?

  Comes home to a clean trailer.

• 38:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah. That's the highest aspiration a woman can have is to clean the trailer and get married at fourteen.

• 38:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then.

• 38:57Tom Segura?

  We're gonna have the biggest fucking wedding you've ever seen.

• 39:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and her dress is gonna be bling bling. Remember that? That was like the big thing is that shiny dress. That's so sad. Like, that's the highlight of your life.

• 39:07Tom Segura?

  Look what he's wearing with the hat sideways at his wedding. That's cool.

• 39:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Somebody one time put our faces on that one.

• 39:14Tom Segura?

  That's pretty funny.

• 39:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's a good one. I'm, I'm Romani shale and they're always fighting and drinking.

• 39:19Tom Segura?

  Look at his vest, sleeveless vest.

• 39:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Trash. Fucking trash.

• 39:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 39:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, come on.

• 39:28Tom Segura?

  I'm twenty, I got six kids. That's cool. Good.

• 39:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm a princess. I'm a blinged out. Yeah, cause you're like twelve years old and you still have this fantasy of being a, but I don't know if the, the, your Eastern Bloc or gypsies, the, the, they don't do this kind of shit.

• 39:44Tom Segura?

  No, no, that's what I'm saying. This is like an American version of it.

• 39:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, the.

• 39:48Tom Segura?

  Dude, when I went to Budapest.

• 39:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:50Tom Segura?

  The first time. I did this small theater and I was like, it's great to be here. And I, you know, and they, they were so receptive. The audience was so great. And I was like, I've been learning some, um, some Hungarian and I just go like, roja ciga and they were like, whoa, and they cheered, like they cheered.

• 40:12Tom Segura?

  Which is rotten gypsy.

• 40:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, rotten gypsies.

• 40:14Tom Segura?

  And then I also said it to my driver and he goes, whoa, whoa. He goes, be careful. Say that outside, they kill you.

• 40:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Well, and also we were in Italy and I think to our driver, I was like, oh, what do you call gypsies? And he was like, whoa, whoa, you're not allowed to say gypsy anymore. And I go, you can't even say gypsy? What are they?

• 40:31Tom Segura?

  No, no, no.

• 40:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're like Romani, right? The Romani people, blah, blah, blah.

• 40:35Tom Segura?

  Like, that's a very, and but then he was like, you know, the Jews have kind of taken over this neighborhood.

• 40:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well.

• 40:43Tom Segura?

  Better if you go over across the bridge.

• 40:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 40:45Tom Segura?

  To that place over there. There's not so many of them here. We're like, oh.

• 40:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you. Well, you know, everybody, we covered it on this show, that Hungary was the first to really ban the study of multi-genderism and transgenderism and all this stuff. Looks like our country followed suit. There's only two genders officially now.

• 41:04Tom Segura?

  Well, he's a big fan of Viktor Orban. Trump is. He's been like, that guy gets it.

• 41:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:09Tom Segura?

  Cause like, cause Orban also was like, you're not welcome here. That was one of his messages. He's like, if you're looking for a place to go, do not come to Hungary. He's like, we do not want you. We have fences and we will shoot you if you jump over them.

• 41:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, it looks like we're going that way.

• 41:26Tom Segura?

  And also, we speak Hungarian and if you want to be here, fucking learn it.

• 41:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Well, we're doing it too.

• 41:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  So that's cool. There he is. There's the homie.

• 41:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's like, get out of my country, you fucking pig, gypsy pig.

• 41:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is great.

• 41:45Tom Segura?

  That's the kind of guy I'd like to have a beer with, by the way.

• 41:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, are you kidding me?

• 41:48Tom Segura?

  I would love to just hear and be like, oh, there's no one around. What's up?

• 41:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:52Tom Segura?

  He's like, these fucking gypsies.

• 41:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  He would say.

• 41:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He would say Nikki Minaj, for sure. Yeah. And then the thing when you do that is like when someone's like that, you go, yeah, man. What else?

• 42:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Very cool, Tom. Very cool.

• 42:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Vote for the Donald. Now it's in my head. You're right. You're right. The Vote for the Donald song is a real banger.

• 42:19Tom Segura?

  It is a banger, dude. It's a really good one.

• 42:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 42:21Tom Segura?

  It's a really good one.

• 42:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you what I, well, you do know what I've been doing.

• 42:25Tom Segura?

  Hmm.

• 42:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, okay.

• 42:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, tell me.

• 42:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right. Are you ready?

• 42:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah, let's talk about it.

• 42:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, tell the audience. So, you know, when you go through a traumatic event like I did with cancer, you, I don't know, my shrink told me, like, you go back and you look at your fucking, your traumas, like your past stuff, and you reprocess things, right?

• 42:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I, it is puke season, right? This is norovirus time. We're in it. And I was starting to get real phobic again of puking, of vomit, like to the point like around Christmas, I was getting real nervous. Like the emetophobia was bad. Like I was fixating on it. Like, are the kids gonna puke? Is this gonna, is this gonna happen? So.

• 43:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've been in treatment for my phobia of vomiting. And it's been like a three week to a month long.

• 43:17Tom Segura?

  It's a real thing I should say too, because I know there's people who are like, what the fuck? And it's like, as somebody who has witnessed this, it is a real, like it's a real phobia that is deep seated and genuine.

• 43:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'll, I'll explain usually what happens with people when you have a phobia. It's an irrational fear of something that at some time,

• 43:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  your wires got crossed at some point in your life and you made a causal relationship between vomiting and like the worst thing happening in your life, right? So around the time when I was a little kid, lots of shit going on, I puke. And in my childlike brain, I conflate the two things, vomiting and like the worst thing happening in your life.

• 43:57Tom Segura?

  It's like when somebody gargles pee and then they jizz.

• 44:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Exactly, exactly. So like, okay, so I've been working with this new therapist. And I think I've turned a corner because I was watching a movie the other night. And I watched somebody puke. No, it was the witch show, the Mayfair witches. And the dude puked and I was like, Tom, I just watched that person puke.

• 44:19Tom Segura?

  You did.

• 44:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I didn't feel a fucking thing. And so I'm ready to be put to the test. I'm ready. And as you guys know, for many years, I've been very afraid of watching puke.

• 44:28Tom Segura?

  Every time there's been puke on this show, you throw your headphones off and you go, I don't want to see it. I don't want to hear it. And you scream at me. So.

• 44:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, let me just get like, let me get my mantra because I'm programmed to think certain things. Okay?

• 44:40Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 44:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm supposed to be indifferent to puke. You say, you say I'm, I'm indifferent. I don't hate it. I don't love it. I'm just, it's, it's like.

• 44:47Tom Segura?

  Kind of a neutral.

• 44:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have, that's the word. It's I'm indifferent.

• 44:51Tom Segura?

  That's unpleasant.

• 44:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's unpleasant. And that's what I say to myself. That's unpleasant.

• 44:55Tom Segura?

  Are you ready to be put to the test?

• 44:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like any other body function. Okay. Hold on. Yeah, I'm ready. I'm fucking, okay.

• 45:01Tom Segura?

  Here we go.

• 45:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna go. Let's fucking, what's that movie? The guy's eyes are open with the toothpicks. Clockwork Orange.

• 45:07Tom Segura?

  Clockwork Orange, yeah. Okay, here we go.

• 45:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ready.

• 45:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Is she pregnant?

• 45:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I did it. I'm indifferent. I'm indifferent.

• 45:20Tom Segura?

  Now the kid's in the back.

• 45:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  That sucks that there are kids. All right.

• 45:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so much. Okay. Now I'm, I'm getting a little uncomfortable.

• 45:28Tom Segura?

  Okay, okay. All right.

• 45:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just, the repeatedness of it.

• 45:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was funny.

• 45:39Tom Segura?

  Kind of funny, right?

• 45:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think the repeatedness of the first one spooked me. That was like silly.

• 45:43Speaker 07

  Babe, here. Try.

• 45:47Speaker 07

  Oh! Oh my god! That was easy!

• 46:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  What did he throw in?

• 46:02Tom Segura?

  Egg. He threw an egg.

• 46:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's not cool. Okay, so that doesn't bother me.

• 46:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god, I'm actually laughing for the first time in my life. Guys, this is huge.

• 46:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's an unpleasant thing.

• 46:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's like a body function like anything else. It's unpleasant.

• 46:28Tom Segura?

  His laughing was very contagious, though. That was fun, right?

• 46:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I liked her sound, actually. I was laughing at her going, "Ugh!"

• 46:34Tom Segura?

  He was laughing so hard.

• 46:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey!

• 46:36Tom Segura?

  Can we keep going?

• 46:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you congratulate me?

• 46:38Tom Segura?

  You're doing great.

• 46:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm not even sweaty. Feel the palm. Feel it. I'm usually fucking... I'm cold, because it's freezing in here. But I'm not.

• 46:45Tom Segura?

  Can you keep the test going?

• 46:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, can I just talk about why I didn't like the first one a little bit?

• 46:49Tom Segura?

  Sure, yeah.

• 46:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because it was like, it happened, it happened, and I think like her kid being there, and then I could see her, and then I sympathized with it. Because I was like, oh god, now I feel like puking. Watching her puke.

• 47:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 47:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I don't know, it was so much of fear

• 47:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 47:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  as, oh god, now I feel like puking. Is that... But that's what normal people get, right?

• 47:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, if you see, like, if someone pukes around you in real life, a lot of people, I get triggered by that. If someone vomits, I feel like vomiting.

• 47:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like you, because I started to feel my stomach lurch, because I was sympathizing.

• 47:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, that could happen, for sure.

• 47:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  But Tom, I'm really fucking...

• 47:23Tom Segura?

  I'm impressed. This is progress.

• 47:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  This has been, just so you guys know, like, weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks of therapy and therapy and therapy, and every night I have to like, listen to this.

• 47:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 47:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I listen to the programming and I've been like...

• 47:38Tom Segura?

  Okay, you ready for another one?

• 47:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 47:40Tom Segura?

  Okay, here we go.

• 47:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 47:42Tom Segura?

  Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, hold on a second. My bad. That was the wrong one.

• 47:47Speaker 07

  I've heard that when you open the can, it can squirt. I do quite like a bit of squirting.

• 47:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 47:53Speaker 07

  Squirting. Fuck.

• 47:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh no. See, I don't like watching him feel it.

• 48:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like this bit.

• 48:06Speaker 07

  It's making me shake a little bit. Fucking hell, that's like octopuses.

• 48:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  The buildup, I don't like this. I don't like this.

• 48:14Tom Segura?

  No?

• 48:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. I don't, because I'm so, I'm sympathizing.

• 48:17Tom Segura?

  Cut it off?

• 48:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I start to feel it.

• 48:21Tom Segura?

  I understand.

• 48:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I'm not afraid of it. I just start to feel sick myself.

• 48:25Tom Segura?

  Nauseous yourself, yeah.

• 48:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  But it's a distinction, because in the past, it was just terror.

• 48:28Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 48:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 48:30Tom Segura?

  Play it or move to the next one?

• 48:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I can go on to the next.

• 48:33Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay.

• 48:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't want to, well, hold on, let's just do it. I'm going to clockwork orange it. Fuck it. All right.

• 48:39Tom Segura?

  Remember?

• 48:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Oh, I'm in-

• 48:41Tom Segura?

  This is unpleasant.

• 48:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  This isn't just an unpleasant body function. I'm indifferent to you. I feel neutral. What is it that he's eating?

• 48:50Tom Segura?

  It's like canned fish, yeah.

• 48:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I don't like that. Oh, I don't like that. Okay, I don't know. I don't know. I don't like the lead up.

• 49:01Tom Segura?

  Let's go to the next one.

• 49:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Oh, Jesus. He's already puked.

• 49:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah. And he's at a game, just sitting in the stands.

• 49:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God, I'm laughing. I've never laughed.

• 49:16Tom Segura?

  Can you imagine him leaving this fucking thing?

• 49:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so much, too.

• 49:20Tom Segura?

  Like how he walks out of there? Look at the cameras behind him. People are like-

• 49:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's trying to be discreet. He's like, hold on, I'm coughing. What would you do, though, if you had to puke this much in public?

• 49:35Tom Segura?

  You'd just do that, I guess. Yeah. Although, I wouldn't want it all over myself. I would turn to the aisle.

• 49:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is he just drunk? Is he too drunk?

• 49:44Tom Segura?

  He's absolutely hammered, yeah. He's probably had 40 beers, yeah.

• 49:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  It looks like beer.

• 49:49Tom Segura?

  He started at 9:00 a.m. and this is like an 8:00 p.m. game.

• 49:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, because I'm not seeing a lot of food. I'm just seeing like, it looks like-

• 49:56Tom Segura?

  He eats too, believe me, but-

• 49:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like this. I don't want kid stuff.

• 50:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Woo! That one's for Tommy. That was for you, bro.

• 50:20Tom Segura?

  Fuck.

• 50:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, don't do that. Don't do that!

• 50:27Tom Segura?

  Oh, fuck. That was horrible. You guys can eat shit.

• 50:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was disgusting, though, that he sucked it out of the kids. That's just gross anyway.

• 50:37Tom Segura?

  I have one more bonus one for you.

• 50:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, god.

• 50:39Tom Segura?

  So here's what happened.

• 50:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 50:41Tom Segura?

  So yesterday...

• 50:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm indifferent. It's just a body function.

• 50:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna set this up.

• 50:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's fine. Let me just do my program, okay? It's just a body function. It's fine. It's like anything else.

• 50:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, let's go.

• 50:53Tom Segura?

  Yesterday, I was in the gym and, uh, we did this,

• 51:00Tom Segura?

  like, kinda cardio circuit, high-intensity thing.

• 51:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yesterday?

• 51:03Tom Segura?

  Yesterday, yesterday. And it, it kicked my ass. And then, yeah, I think my conditioning is trash, so I'm, I'm trying to get better at it. So then today, I, I didn't sleep very well, you know, so I was pretty tired. I got up early, went back to the gym. I didn't, I had just a little, I had a little peanut butter, a little fruit, and we lifted, and I thought we were just doing that, because typically if you go, like, high-intensity cardio one day,

• 51:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 51:34Tom Segura?

  you know, the next day you'll do maybe like steady state, like lower intensity before, you know, so, but we did it, we did a different one again. And the thing was, you run 500 meters, and then you get on the ergo skier, 20 calories, and you just, you do it at like a high clip, right? And then you, one-minute recovery, and you do it again. So I did the first round, and I, I pushed it. I probably should have, like, done it at a, at a steadier pace, but I did it hard. So on the second round,

• 52:04Tom Segura?

  I do it again, a little slower, because I'm starting to get fatigued, and I'm like, and then I'm, um, do the, I do the minute recovery, and then I'm about to get on for round three, and I was like, man, like, I just, like, my heart rate is spiking. I feel weird. And then I, I sent this to, to Zolo.

• 52:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, here we go.

• 52:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, that actually makes me laugh.

• 52:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's an un- Jesus, man! Look, he's making fun of you, Sean.

• 52:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god, yeah, enough already. How much are you gonna go, Tom?

• 52:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh.

• 52:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you listening to Nikki Minaj?

• 52:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh.

• 53:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you're too hot. You're overheated. More? You're gonna go back for seconds? Jesus, your head is red. Beat red.

• 53:11Tom Segura?

  It was just water that came out?

• 53:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know, I got it.

• 53:13Tom Segura?

  Fluid.

• 53:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm watching.

• 53:17Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 53:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I- my eyes are open. I'm not freaking out. Hey, I'm not freaking out. I don't like it, it's unpleasant. What you gotta say for yourself? He's such a shitbit, shitbird.

• 53:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 53:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, you know what? I fucking did it, dude.

• 53:33Tom Segura?

  Pretty cool, right?

• 53:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right?

• 53:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 53:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I did it. Hello, can you guys clap for me? I fucking conquered my phobia. That was huge. Forty-eight years of severe emetophobia.

• 53:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 53:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just watched clips.

• 53:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you watched me throw- I threw up into a trash can.

• 53:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was unpleasant.

• 53:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 53:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I- the world didn't end. I didn't feel like climbing out of my fucking skin.

• 53:55Tom Segura?

  Keep your foot on the gas-

• 53:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 53:56Tom Segura?

  With what you're doing.

• 53:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I thought you said there's more to watch.

• 53:59Tom Segura?

  No, I meant like, don't go, this is the end of the road.

• 54:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you kidding me? This is just the beginning.

• 54:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I don't- like, again, I don't feel terrified like I did in the past. It's unpleasant to wa- like, Niana- Was it how Niana felt preparing the clips? Like, is she emetophobic too, or just... Um, I think it just kinda grossed her out. Right, like, you just feel like, ew, if I watch this long enough, I will puke too. Mm-hmm, yeah. That's so weird.

• 54:26Tom Segura?

  Let's just do something funny, though.

• 54:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no.

• 54:28Tom Segura?

  No, to balance out of this.

• 54:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  You swear?

• 54:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you're gonna play more puke. Oh, a forklift, good.

• 54:34Tom Segura?

  Forklift.

• 54:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Definitely not America.

• 54:42Tom Segura?

  Nope.

• 54:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh! Shit. Homie, you got fucked up, bro. Fuck.

• 54:58Tom Segura?

  Whoa.

• 54:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you what went, what went wrong here?

• 55:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think the object is too.

• 55:05Tom Segura?

  The fucking.

• 55:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  The object is too tall to be on a forklift pallet. There is no pallet.

• 55:11Tom Segura?

  By the way, the speed with which that hit him.

• 55:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we see it again?

• 55:18Tom Segura?

  So that is, for people listening, or even if you're watching this, what appears to happen is that this structure is, is like, it's like a metal structure that is, it's in the ground, probably cemented into the ground.

• 55:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 55:35Tom Segura?

  You know what I mean?

• 55:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it?

• 55:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, and they're trying to like use a forklift?

• 55:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah, well, look where we are. They're just like, you know.

• 55:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not a good idea, boys.

• 55:45Tom Segura?

  Just, uh, drive the forklift into it.

• 55:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  This looks like Kyrgyzstan.

• 55:51Tom Segura?

  Pull it out.

• 55:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is definitely a stan.

• 55:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck. And everybody's standing around?

• 56:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah, well, he's standing in a real bad spot, obviously. Um, yeah, it was welded to the ground and then.

• 56:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a bad idea.

• 56:11Tom Segura?

  It's a really cool, um, aftermath explanation in here.

• 56:17Tom Segura?

  I'm not even gonna read it.

• 56:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's okay. I don't need to hear it.

• 56:20Tom Segura?

  Okay, here we go. Go to the next one.

• 56:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Oh shit, I hate these, dude. I fucking hate these. I, I, I hate.

• 56:31Speaker 12

  Well, if you're squeamish, look away now.

• 56:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck!

• 56:37Tom Segura?

  I've seen that in person, by the way.

• 56:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, that's what, that's what happens at these.

• 56:41Tom Segura?

  I went to one and I saw it happen in person. It's like.

• 56:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  MMA or this Muay Thai?

• 56:45Tom Segura?

  This is kickboxing, yeah. I think, yeah, kickbox. But I saw it, I saw it at a UFC fight, yeah.

• 56:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, can I brush my hair? I just feel like brushing, it's like too crunchy.

• 56:54Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 57:00Tom Segura?

  Hair looks better.

• 57:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right?

• 57:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like softer looking and.

• 57:04Tom Segura?

  It's a good haircut.

• 57:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just a good color, too. Alan Martinez, shout out, always, homie.

• 57:09Tom Segura?

  Always.

• 57:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same guy I've been going to for fucking thirty years.

• 57:13Tom Segura?

  Pretty crazy.

• 57:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's my homie.

• 57:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 57:16Tom Segura?

  Nothing. I just was thinking about how horrific these last two were. Hopefully this next one has a little humor to it.

• 57:26Tom Segura?

  Here we go. Oh, fuck.

• 57:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I like these.

• 57:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck.

• 57:35Tom Segura?

  He's not good. There's no way he's okay.

• 57:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Was that an e-bike? It sounded like...

• 57:43Tom Segura?

  Crew claims he is still in one piece and went back to try the jumps again to complete them. What the fuck?

• 57:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  What the fuck, idiot.

• 57:50Tom Segura?

  That looked so rough. That looked really rough, man.

• 57:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it was terrible.

• 57:55Tom Segura?

  These are, all three have been horrible, by the way, so far.

• 57:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:00Tom Segura?

  Oh, fuck.

• 58:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Falling out of a tree. Oh, shit.

• 58:05Tom Segura?

  How far is that go?

• 58:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck.

• 58:12Tom Segura?

  At least there's water down there.

• 58:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but everything broke before he hit it. Did you see it all?

• 58:16Tom Segura?

  Well, the rocks didn't help, but yeah. Yeah, the, uh...

• 58:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, is it just that this guy is like a tree, a tree climbing adult?

• 58:23Tom Segura?

  Tree guy?

• 58:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know?

• 58:24Tom Segura?

  I don't know. Let's see what his injuries were. Here we go. See, 60 feet he fell. He was trying to jump from the tree but slipped after, uh, he broke his arm.

• 58:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's it?

• 58:35Tom Segura?

  That's it. Not too bad. Probably the rocks did that, but, yeah. That was a nice one to wrap that up on. Jesus Christ, guys.

• 58:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  That gave me the chills.

• 58:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  That sucks. But he thought he was gonna jump from a tree 60 feet into like, river water? That's just inherently not a good idea. That's a fast-

• 58:53Tom Segura?

  He didn't think it was coming down. He was just like, "I'm gonna jump from the one tree to the next."

• 58:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he wanted to jump to another tree or did he want to jump into the water?

• 59:00Tom Segura?

  I think he was trying to jump to a tree.

• 59:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  What, he, like squirrels? He's not a, you can't just do that. People don't do that.

• 59:05Tom Segura?

  Okay, let me show you one that is funny, because I have one that I sent in that is funny.

• 59:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 59:26Tom Segura?

  Upper back pain removal.

• 59:29Tom Segura?

  That's what this says.

• 59:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, removal.

• 59:31Tom Segura?

  With a fucking bomb going off. Yeah, there's no way this is a proven thing in medicine.

• 59:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 59:38Tom Segura?

  If you have back pain, take a hammer and just club the shit out of somebody in that spot.

• 59:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  She probably has like a hunch, like a hump, a hump, right? Isn't that usually a fat pad or like?

• 59:49Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 59:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know.

• 59:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, pretty cool, eh?

• 1:00:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dog.

• 1:00:01Tom Segura?

  Um.

• 1:00:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's fucking ill, bro.

• 1:00:03Tom Segura?

  By the way, when you were in the hospital, would you have liked to have seen this, uh, as you were recovering?

• 1:00:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  This nurse is flossing on her patient and then just wiped her mouth on the patient's hand. Flossing over this patient.

• 1:00:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah.

• 1:00:33Tom Segura?

  Insane. It's insane.

• 1:00:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, what's crazy is who's filming her? Is it the visitor?

• 1:00:37Tom Segura?

  How does she not notice that?

• 1:00:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right. And you're doing this in front of the visitor and the patient?

• 1:00:42Tom Segura?

  The patient's friend recorded her flossing, yeah.

• 1:00:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're an animal, dude.

• 1:00:46Tom Segura?

  This is in Otomo, Iowa, at the Otomo Regional Health Center. Um, he was, he was being treated for congenital heart disease.

• 1:00:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God, this poor man.

• 1:00:57Tom Segura?

  And, um, yeah, she was fired, yeah.

• 1:00:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, no kidding. Cause I even feel uncomfortable flossing near you.

• 1:01:04Tom Segura?

  In public, flossing is gross. That's a private thing, I think, you know?

• 1:01:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  But even when you and I do it near each other, I'm kinda like, I don't really want you to see me doing it.

• 1:01:12Tom Segura?

  It's gross.

• 1:01:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so private.

• 1:01:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I have flossed, I have flossed with the strings from my socks, remember? When in an emergency situation on planes when I was traveling.

• 1:01:21Tom Segura?

  This is the most brazen thing.

• 1:01:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, this is, this, and there's a camera, dummy. You don't. And the visitor?

• 1:01:26Tom Segura?

  I like how she turns at the end like, shit, I guess I'll turn away.

• 1:01:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did I tell you what my mother used to do all the time? When we were, after we were done eating in a restaurant? She would take a toothpick or the card or whatever and then, yeah, cover her mouth and then do this. Like, we still know what you're doing.

• 1:01:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah, just go somewhere else.

• 1:01:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it was so disgusting.

• 1:01:45Tom Segura?

  Why couldn't she go somewhere else?

• 1:01:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it's a foreigner thing. Is this lady a foreigner?

• 1:01:51Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:01:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, dude.

• 1:01:54Tom Segura?

  No. Okay.

• 1:01:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so fucked up.

• 1:01:58Tom Segura?

  Well.

• 1:01:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't believe I did not freak out with all the puking.

• 1:02:00Tom Segura?

  It was pretty great.

• 1:02:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm still pretty stoked. I'm proud of myself.

• 1:02:05Tom Segura?

  We got the president of YMH Studios.

• 1:02:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:02:08Tom Segura?

  Uh, we should point that out.

• 1:02:12Tom Segura?

  New Christine.

• 1:02:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:14Tom Segura?

  Also known as Emma Hicks. She won her first AVN for best POV anal scene.

• 1:02:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right. Congratulations, Emma.

• 1:02:25Tom Segura?

  It's Emma Hicks POV anal, uh, Jules Jordan.

• 1:02:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:02:29Tom Segura?

  That's pretty great.

• 1:02:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is great.

• 1:02:31Tom Segura?

  POV anal, that's awesome.

• 1:02:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  What does that mean exactly?

• 1:02:34Tom Segura?

  I guess you're, you get, you're the guy. The camera is the guy. So you get to like, you're...

• 1:02:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're there, you're the one.

• 1:02:40Tom Segura?

  You're the one doing it.

• 1:02:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, here we go. Here's some footage.

• 1:02:42Tom Segura?

  That's his POV.

• 1:02:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's nice.

• 1:02:45Tom Segura?

  So you get to be like, oh, I'm doing this, you know?

• 1:02:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  She looks great.

• 1:02:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a big one for the butt.

• 1:02:57Tom Segura?

  That's awesome.

• 1:02:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  She looks fantastic.

• 1:03:00Tom Segura?

  She looks great.

• 1:03:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I have to say, I congratulate her on her makeup and her hair looking fantastic. Even though she's taking it in the A. And I see why this scene is an award winner. Wow, that was a wide hole.

• 1:03:21Tom Segura?

  It's called gaping.

• 1:03:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yes, yes.

• 1:03:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was an award-winning scene. I felt it. I felt her passion. I thought she looked incredible.

• 1:03:30Tom Segura?

  Make sure you, uh, send that link out to everybody in the company.

• 1:03:37Tom Segura?

  Congratulations, Emma.

• 1:03:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, President.

• 1:03:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You need President.

• 1:03:41Tom Segura?

  And for your award. That's incredible.

• 1:03:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's amazing. It's hard to win those.

• 1:03:45Tom Segura?

  Here you go, some of your talks of the week.

• 1:03:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, thank God.

• 1:03:49Speaker 07

  In the old days, we used to always leave space between the plates. So the plates would jingle. So the plates would make noise. When you came up from the squat, and you'd throw up in me, and I'd play the rap and go, "Wah!" With a deep-throated, deep-throated roar that was like music. Every rapper, you wanted to hear that sound again. And you wanted to complete that rap with as much force as you possibly could. It would break, it would break hot steel, man. That, that feeling like, "How the fuck you do it?"

• 1:04:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:04:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  And see, this is why the guys in my bro gym make the noises. Now I understand.

• 1:04:24Tom Segura?

  Look at this.

• 1:04:25Speaker 07

  Throw up in me, and I'd play the rap and go, "Wah!" With a deep-throated, deep-throated roar. So the plates would jingle. So the plates would make noise.

• 1:04:33Tom Segura?

  This fucking, uh, depth that this guy gets to with these, and how close his legs are together, it's really fuck- look at that. It's fucking crazy.

• 1:04:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's amazing.

• 1:04:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:47Tom Segura?

  That's nuts.

• 1:04:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is nuts. But I like his theory that you should get credit for doing something like that. That's a powerful lift.

• 1:04:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You should be like, "Yeah, bitch, dingaling." Like an alarm should go off, fucking sirens.

• 1:05:01Tom Segura?

  For you doing the lift?

• 1:05:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I get it.

• 1:05:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I'm saying like, if some boys in my gym, they make a lot of noise and they're not doing stuff like that.

• 1:05:07Tom Segura?

  Oh, you want it to be more impressive?

• 1:05:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. He's right. Like, if it's this caliber, like, you better fuck, I want the credit, bro.

• 1:05:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  But come on now.

• 1:05:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know what's happening.

• 1:05:32Tom Segura?

  It's some woman's dream, too, you know?

• 1:05:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Somebody.

• 1:05:34Tom Segura?

  Somebody's like, "Fuck, I love when he does that." Yeah. That was pretty hot.

• 1:05:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:40Tom Segura?

  Did you like that?

• 1:05:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I liked that more than the opening clip.

• 1:05:44Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 1:05:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I'd rather watch that than this guy.

• 1:05:47Tom Segura?

  Cause there's just more dynamics to his performance?

• 1:05:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like it. Yeah, it's interesting. I don't know where it's gonna go. I don't know why he's doing it. There's more questions.

• 1:05:55Tom Segura?

  Yep. Yeah.

• 1:06:16Tom Segura?

  You're just laughing at bullying.

• 1:06:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the best part. It's basically like bullying's back.

• 1:06:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, but here's also why I like it. I feel like, and correct me if I'm wrong, Angelinos, that that laugh is a specifically Mexican LA dude laugh, right?

• 1:06:33Tom Segura?

  That's a car full of cholos.

• 1:06:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what's up. Yeah, that's why I was like, dude, I fucking heard this directed at me quite a few times, growing up, in the 818. Yeah, those are cholos, dude. That's why it's so priceless. I know those are cholos. Light that fucking guy up.

• 1:06:49Tom Segura?

  The purest form of bullying is just laughing at somebody, you know?

• 1:06:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't say shit.

• 1:06:55Tom Segura?

  You don't say anything.

• 1:06:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we see one more time?

• 1:06:57Tom Segura?

  And that person knows, they're like...

• 1:07:00Tom Segura?

  And you're just like...

• 1:07:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  They didn't have to say shit.

• 1:07:04Tom Segura?

  I'm saying...

• 1:07:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did they technically bully? They just laughed.

• 1:07:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they bullied him.

• 1:07:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's cholo laughing, for sure, yeah.

• 1:07:16Tom Segura?

  But that's not LA.

• 1:07:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. These are Latin guys laughing.

• 1:07:20Tom Segura?

  But isn't that like Europe or something? Look at the signage and everything.

• 1:07:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't... Maybe, but I'm telling you, dude, that's right, Angelinos.

• 1:07:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a car full of homies, it sounds like. I know.

• 1:07:32Tom Segura?

  That's, that's Europe, that's European.

• 1:07:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe they're on a European vacation, SA, you don't know.

• 1:07:36Tom Segura?

  The cholos are on the...

• 1:07:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, maybe, fucker, maybe they like to travel. You don't think they go to Amsterdam? That might be fucking Amsterdam.

• 1:07:46Tom Segura?

  He's just got his furry, um, ears on.

• 1:07:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's walking down the street with the furry ears and shit.

• 1:07:51Tom Segura?

  By the way, guy's minding his own business, just...

• 1:07:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the best way to go, yeah.

• 1:07:55Tom Segura?

  Bro definitely got the tail in right now, too. Yeah, you know.

• 1:07:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course he does.

• 1:07:59Tom Segura?

  That shit's crazy.

• 1:08:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I, I hate the self-esteem people have these days.

• 1:08:06Tom Segura?

  Just going about his life.

• 1:08:16Tom Segura?

  It's good.

• 1:08:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's pretty good.

• 1:08:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know.

• 1:08:20Speaker 07

  Go with it, guys.

• 1:08:21Tom Segura?

  What the fuck?

• 1:08:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, this guy.

• 1:08:24Speaker 07

  Yes, indeed, baby.

• 1:08:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's an alligator.

• 1:08:27Tom Segura?

  Wrapped in bacon.

• 1:08:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't.

• 1:08:30Tom Segura?

  I don't believe that grill is big enough for this, sir.

• 1:08:32Speaker 07

  Thanks to Mr. Audi and Ms. Renee, we out here cooking alligator in the Kentucky hood, baby. We getting ready for the LSU.

• 1:08:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not big enough, you're right. It's gonna take him hours to smoke that.

• 1:08:46Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hours. How long to smoke a full-size alligator wrapped in bacon?

• 1:08:50Tom Segura?

  No, that's like, this is like a 24-hour process, for sure.

• 1:08:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. And not only that, look, I've tried alligator, right, in Florida.

• 1:08:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's good, it's good meat.

• 1:08:59Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I think if you wrap anything in bacon, it's gonna taste good.

• 1:09:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's gonna be delicious. Also, though, but wasn't that gator not skinned? I think that's the...

• 1:09:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're supposed to skin them, yeah?

• 1:09:08Tom Segura?

  I would skin that before I smoked it.

• 1:09:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause you don't eat gator skin, right?

• 1:09:12Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:09:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think it cooks up.

• 1:09:13Tom Segura?

  You wanna eat leather? No.

• 1:09:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's what you...

• 1:09:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like eating, yeah, it's like eating like kiwi skin or something.

• 1:09:19Tom Segura?

  I don't know, but something tells me this guy knows what he's doing, so maybe I should shut the fuck up.

• 1:09:23Speaker 13

  My dog shit in the bed, and I laid in it. Let me know your opinion. My dog shit in the bed, and I laid in it, and it smeared everywhere. And my mom won't let me have dairy products, and won't let me have ice cream.

• 1:09:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's all related.

• 1:09:40Speaker 13

  And I shit everywhere, and I shit all over the toilet.

• 1:09:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:43Speaker 13

  Let me know your opinion.

• 1:09:44Tom Segura?

  On what?

• 1:09:45Speaker 13

  Thank you, and rock on.

• 1:09:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  She wants to know your opinion.

• 1:09:47Tom Segura?

  Thank you and rock on is the sign-off?

• 1:09:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, let's have an opinion. The dog shit in the bed and she slept in it, and then her mom won't let her have ice cream because then she shits in the bed.

• 1:09:54Tom Segura?

  She shits everywhere, and she shit all over the seat.

• 1:09:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  All over the toilet.

• 1:09:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, my opinion is your mom might have a good point here. Um, also, another opinion is change your sheets, and, uh... Yeah, don't let the dog back in the bed, maybe?

• 1:10:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah, those are my opinions on this.

• 1:10:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I'd, I'd wake up if I smelled the dog's poo in the bed.

• 1:10:12Tom Segura?

  And also, rock on.

• 1:10:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Rock on.

• 1:10:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Rock on.

• 1:10:25Tom Segura?

  That's insane.

• 1:10:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is so funny.

• 1:10:37Tom Segura?

  How can you not love the Irish?

• 1:10:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:39Tom Segura?

  So there's 5,000 people that are Irish outside a Victoria's Secret in Denmark. And as women leave with their bags, they're cheering for her.

• 1:10:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  But do you know why?

• 1:10:51Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:10:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because Denmark, I believe, if I'm not mistaken, is one of those equal, equal societies, right? Like, remember when we were in Amstad Dam?

• 1:10:59Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:10:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  And everything's so 50/50? I don't think women really buy lingerie anymore. They even dress alike. They're more asexual, the men and the women, you know? So maybe, I'm thinking this has something to do with that.

• 1:11:09Tom Segura?

  I don't think that has anything to do with that.

• 1:11:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't think so?

• 1:11:12Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:11:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And Google, in Denmark are the men-

• 1:11:14Tom Segura?

  No, no, but that's not why these-

• 1:11:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  The women are asexual in Denmark.

• 1:11:17Tom Segura?

  These guys are not there because of that. They're there-

• 1:11:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I'm saying because they're in Denmark and they're like, "All the chicks here look like dudes. Why is that?" And they're probably celebrating the ones that are being like chicks.

• 1:11:27Tom Segura?

  No, women in Denmark are not inherently asexual.

• 1:11:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  These are just drunk soccer hooligans.

• 1:11:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah, of course, they're just like-

• 1:11:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I still like it.

• 1:11:33Tom Segura?

  Chicks are buying bras.

• 1:11:36Tom Segura?

  And they're just singing, yeah.

• 1:11:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would love it if there's a group of Irish football fans cheering for me when I'm-

• 1:11:41Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah, when you bought panties?

• 1:11:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was like, "Yeah, dude." That'd be so much fun.

• 1:12:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just love it so much. Your Nikki Minaj is my guy making these noises. I really like this.

• 1:12:14Tom Segura?

  This guy's not, he's definitely not alive, but does, yeah. He's probably done that for 60, you know how many people hate him?

• 1:12:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Fucking Leonard doing his goddamn noises again.

• 1:12:28Speaker 14

  The pride flag that we're hanging at our house this year has a couple of new additions. Let's talk about them. Of course, we've got the original six colors of the rainbow.

• 1:12:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Six.

• 1:12:37Speaker 14

  The black and brown stripes to represent people of color. The blue, pink, and white to represent trans folks. And a new addition to this flag, the yellow triangle with the purple circle to represent folks that are intersex. And the other new addition to our flag is the two feathers in the circle, which represent indigenous folks that identify as two-spirit. One feather represents feminine identity, one feather represents male identity, and the circle that holds them together represents the unification of both identities. My partner and I are always trying to be inclusive as possible. That's why we chose to fly this flag this year, the more you know, shooting star.

• 1:13:07Tom Segura?

  Fantastic.

• 1:13:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  My partner and I love watching this. Can I tell you, you don't think they should put maybe handicap people or differently able people on the flag?

• 1:13:17Tom Segura?

  Why?

• 1:13:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isn't that, isn't that, are not, is there a flag for that? People that are differently abled?

• 1:13:23Tom Segura?

  There's a placard.

• 1:13:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:13:28Tom Segura?

  Oh, there you go.

• 1:13:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he didn't even do the disability. You'd think that he would start with the... It's so hard to choose between the disability flag and the gay stuff.

• 1:13:37Tom Segura?

  Some of those colors, I mean, he's got a lot of colors in there already. You know?

• 1:13:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, wait, the disability flag is, yeah, it's similar to the gay stuff.

• 1:13:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but there's, see, some of the colors are already represented there. But yeah, it could be more inclusive.

• 1:13:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I feel like he, they're leaving, they're leaving people out.

• 1:13:55Tom Segura?

  It's definitely important. I'm glad he did this and I, I'm glad I learned something. That was good.

• 1:14:04Tom Segura?

  Also.

• 1:14:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah?

• 1:14:06Tom Segura?

  He's just, he's got, he's, he's got a lot going on.

• 1:14:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:10Tom Segura?

  All right. My friend Jackson died from vaping and I miss him. I don't give a fuck.

• 1:14:16Tom Segura?

  I don't give a rat's ass.

• 1:14:21Tom Segura?

  That's cool.

• 1:14:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I miss him.

• 1:14:27Tom Segura?

  I thought he was starting that with like talking about his friend.

• 1:14:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cold as ice.

• 1:14:34Tom Segura?

  My friend Jackson died from vaping and I miss him. I don't give a fuck.

• 1:14:40Tom Segura?

  Cool. Cool. Really nice man.

• 1:15:00Tom Segura?

  That is insane.

• 1:15:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was English.

• 1:15:02Tom Segura?

  That's insane.

• 1:15:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we, can we hear it again? I'm gonna try it.

• 1:15:05Tom Segura?

  That guy should order Starbucks and say happy birthday.

• 1:15:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hope it's not all bizarre. Hey, maybe we could ask the UK people to do happy birthday.

• 1:15:12Tom Segura?

  Polish. For the first few seconds.

• 1:15:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Livipule.

• 1:15:25Tom Segura?

  It's like I pull out words. I'm like, oh yeah, like. Beat Arsenal only three, like I'm like.

• 1:15:33Tom Segura?

  That's insane. And that's gonna be a doctor one day, isn't that wild?

• 1:15:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:37Tom Segura?

  Fucking A, man.

• 1:15:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Happy birthday governor.

• 1:15:40Tom Segura?

  Happy birthday.

• 1:15:43Speaker 15

  How are you feeling?

• 1:15:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  How are you feeling?

• 1:15:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:15:49Tom Segura?

  It's insane.

• 1:15:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Happy birthday.

• 1:15:51Tom Segura?

  Happy birthday.

• 1:15:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Governor. That's the guy.

• 1:15:55Tom Segura?

  That's the guy.

• 1:15:57Speaker 09

  Anytime men don't have pants on, women should have kneepads always on their legs. So they can be ready anytime.

• 1:16:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he's a cool guy. You like cool guys.

• 1:16:11Tom Segura?

  I know. It's a good point. Look at his little smirk.

• 1:16:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he thinks he's really inventing some new shit.

• 1:16:19Tom Segura?

  Well, he just knows he said something naughty.

• 1:16:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:21Tom Segura?

  He's like, you know why women should have kneepads on when a guy doesn't have pants on?

• 1:16:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  And your booty.

• 1:16:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'm gonna eat your ass.

• 1:16:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not that far.

• 1:16:32Tom Segura?

  Pretty cool.

• 1:16:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's a cool guy.

• 1:16:34Tom Segura?

  This was fantastic. I had so much fun today.

• 1:16:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  So did I.

• 1:16:37Tom Segura?

  And congratulations, you really are defeating your puke phobia.

• 1:16:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks, buddy. I'm still working on it. It's gonna get better and better.

• 1:16:44Tom Segura?

  Uh, don't forget, Valentine's right around the corner.

• 1:16:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh yeah, buy my lipsticks.

• 1:16:48Tom Segura?

  Order your lipsticks, order strawberries and ranch.

• 1:16:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Diamonds and panties.

• 1:16:52Tom Segura?

  Pannies and panties. And, um, yeah, let's see here. I will play something cool for you.

• 1:16:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of your pussy.

• 1:17:00Tom Segura?

  Diamonds in the crevice of your pussy. Alright, we're gonna go out on this song. We'll see you next week.

• 1:17:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hello, governor.

• 1:17:08Tom Segura?

  Bye, governor.

• 1:17:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Happy birthday.

• 1:17:09Speaker 07

  What the fuck are you doing, man?

• 1:17:26Speaker 07

  Fucking come over on the side of the dumpster and take a shit?

• 1:17:29Speaker 16

  I got diarrhea. Diarrhea. I got diarrhea. Diarrhea. I got diarrhea. Diarrhea. I got diarrhea. Diarrhea.

• 1:17:44Speaker 07

  Fuck.

• 1:17:46Speaker 16

  Throw this stuff in the dumpster. I will pick it up also. Throw this stuff in the dumpster. I will pick it up also. Throw this stuff in the dumpster. I will pick it up also. Throw this stuff in the dumpster. I will pick it up also. Pick it up also.