Limp Paddle With Special Guest D’Arcy Carden

Conan and special guest D’Arcy Carden talk to Derek from Mountain View, CA about working as a commissioner for the San Francisco Pinball Department. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

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• 1:30Speaker 01

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• 1:39Conan O'Brien?

  Hello, folks.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  Hi, Derek. Welcome to Conan Needs a Fan with special guest Darcy Cardin.

• 1:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yay, Darcy! Derek, how are you? I'm doing well. Good to see you.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  Okay, so you can see us.

• 1:51Conan O'Brien?

  You can see us and we can see you. Oh, yeah. That's what I was waiting for. Derek, where are you calling from? I'm in Mountain View, California. Very nice.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  I've been there.

• 2:02Conan O'Brien?

  Have you been to Mountain View?

• 2:04Speaker 02

  That's, is that where Shoreline is? Shoreline Amphitheater?

• 2:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, Shoreline Amphitheater. There's a theater there, so you know things by theater.

• 2:09Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yes. Well, I saw, I saw Lollapalooza there when I was like in junior high. At the Shoreline.

• 2:15Conan O'Brien?

  I'm confirming this right now. Wait, Lollapalooza?

• 2:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, in like 90 freaking something.

• 2:20Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, okay.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  At the Shoreline, yeah.

• 2:22Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 2:23Speaker 02

  He's kinda saying like, oh, she's wrong, but I'm right. No, no. Interesting, but I'm right.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  I, I, I thought, I thought that was a Chicago show, but maybe, maybe that, maybe I,

• 2:32Speaker 02

  It, it, it used to travel, yeah. No, but we got off on the wrong.

• 2:34Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's great.

• 2:35Speaker 03

  No, that's wonderful.

• 2:36Conan O'Brien?

  Darcy, normally I would say, no, no, no, Darcy, I would say that pretty much anything anyone adds is valuable. Um, this has been a diarrhea cul-de-sac, absolute diarrhea.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  That's what I do.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  It was, it was perfect.

• 2:55Speaker 02

  Okay, good.

• 2:56Speaker 03

  No notes, no notes.

• 2:56Speaker 02

  Great, great, great.

• 2:57Conan O'Brien?

  There are no mistakes.

• 2:58Speaker 02

  Great.

• 2:58Conan O'Brien?

  Um, except that one. Derek, uh, I understand that you're somehow related to the world of pinball, but I don't know in what way.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Yes, well, I, I, I want to talk about that. One quick thing I wanted to say is not only am I connected to the pinball, but I am also connected to you in ways that I think, I would just like to lay it out there, my case that, of course, I am a fan, but in some universe, I probably could be a friend at some point.

• 3:21Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, really?

• 3:22Speaker 03

  And I have three connections in particular. I just wanted to highlight real quick.

• 3:25Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  So today I was listening to your latest, or one of your latest, The Judd Apatow Returns. Judd Apatow, longtime collaborator, his is Amanda Glaze, went to high school with me. So that's one.

• 3:34Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 3:35Speaker 02

  Okay, that's one.

• 3:36Speaker 03

  The second, I am very good friends with Randy and Jason Sklar, two times shown on your show, 2011, 2022, or I'm sorry, 2020.

• 3:44Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  And then the third.

• 3:45Conan O'Brien?

  Can I say something? Number three better be really good.

• 3:48Speaker 03

  Really, really good.

• 3:49Conan O'Brien?

  I'm just being honest with you.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 3:50Speaker 03

  Yes, you know, last one.

• 3:51Conan O'Brien?

  You want to say the toffee bar, I'm holding a chocolate bar that sometimes is mixed with toffee.

• 3:56Speaker 03

  Okay, this, this one I do think is.

• 3:58Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, it's gotta be good. The pressure's really on.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  I think, I think it's pretty good. I think it's pretty good. Well, you, and you can rate it however you see fit.

• 4:03Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  But in 2007, my wife, uh, roomed with Kesha, your friend, at Columbia University for a summer program where my wife's instructor, her professor for that program, was Liza.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, that's it. He got there, he got there.

• 4:19Conan O'Brien?

  Home run, you got that. Listen.

• 4:20Speaker 03

  I'm telling you.

• 4:20Conan O'Brien?

  You got, you could. Listen, uh, Kesha, very strong, because I love Kesha. Kesha and I are, she's my spirit animal.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  And we're talking the singer Kesha?

• 4:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  She's amazing.

• 4:31Speaker 03

  Yes, oh, yeah.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  Great.

• 4:31Conan O'Brien?

  No, Kesha's my spirit animal and we're good pals and, uh, I'm, I, I live and breathe all things Kesha. So that was very strong, but then when you pull out that her professor was. My wife.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  That's.

• 4:45Conan O'Brien?

  That's nuts. And I remember that summer, Liza was pregnant that summer.

• 4:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  With me?

• 4:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, with you. With Darcy. With Darcy.

• 4:55Speaker 02

  I'm your little baby.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 4:56Conan O'Brien?

  And you came out and you went, "Gaga, goo goo", and then winked right to camera.

• 5:01Conan O'Brien?

  And you were 20. It was just really weird.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  And you were like, "I don't want her. I don't want her."

• 5:06Conan O'Brien?

  I was like, "This is the kid for me." Well, that's amazing. That's very cool.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  That was really good.

• 5:11Conan O'Brien?

  And Derek?

• 5:12Speaker 03

  No, I.

• 5:13Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna get us to pinball because someone told me a little bird. Beep, beep, beep.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  That's what a bird says.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  Beep?

• 5:21Speaker 02

  Beep, beep, beep.

• 5:22Conan O'Brien?

  It's a robot bird.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Oh, you should've said that then.

• 5:25Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I think with, with Darcy here, we aren't gonna get to anything with you, Derek. No, no, I love it. I absolut- this is great.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 5:33Conan O'Brien?

  Beep, beep. I'm a bird.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  I'm half a walrus.

• 5:40Conan O'Brien?

  It's all broken. Derek, I don't care anymore what your shtick is. I just don't care.

• 5:46Speaker 03

  We're just, we're just here to have a nice conversation.

• 5:48Conan O'Brien?

  Sure. So, uh, pinball, anything? Ring a bell?

• 5:51Speaker 03

  Oh, yes. So, yeah, so pinball, yes. I, I'm happy to share about it, actually, because I have a lot to say about it. And so.

• 5:57Conan O'Brien?

  I wouldn't think so. Not based on how this has gone so far. We'll get to pinball, but first, 95 things. The Slar Brothers, once last year on, on Broadway, they were on their way to get a sandwich, and you had just come from the Sandwich Islands. Go ahead.

• 6:14Speaker 03

  No, it was Mendocino Farms. Okay, be clear about it, okay?

• 6:17Speaker 02

  I like Derek.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  Uh, but no, it was, yeah, so pinball, yeah, it's, it's one of my, my, my great loves. So I, I figured I would just give you a little insight into sort of what the competitive pinball landscape kinda looks like.

• 6:28Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you have an official title, do you not, in the world of pinball?

• 6:30Speaker 03

  I do, I do.

• 6:31Conan O'Brien?

  What is that?

• 6:31Speaker 03

  I'm one of the commissioners of the San Francisco Pinball Department.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Huge.

• 6:35Speaker 03

  It's SFPB.

• 6:36Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, okay.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  So it's a little bit north of me, because I'm in Mountain View. San Francisco's about, you know, 38 miles north. Um, not to be exact, but the, uh, yeah, the pinball league, 100 people. We all compete at this lovely print shop that has 50 pinball machines in the front by the name Free Gold Watch. If you go to San Francisco in the Haight-Ashbury, please go check it out. It's one. Wonderful. But yeah, it's a it's a match play style of competition where you are randomly put into like, let's say if this was our group of four, you play five games over the course of the night. You get points based on how you finish each game. So we play the first game, Conan, you get the best score. Darcy, you get the second best score, seven, five, three, one. So you accumulate those points. There's a big finals at the end. And we actually have a former world champion in our league who won the the big enchilada back in 2013.

• 7:20Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, Derek, I have some questions that must be answered immediately. One, how can one play pinball well? I mean, you're very limited because you just have these two flippers you can operate.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  And Right, well, sometimes more.

• 7:37Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, okay, sometimes, okay. But still, how does one become, say, the pinball wizard? Such a supple wrist. A pinball wizard has to be a twist.

• 7:50Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  What is the twist?

• 7:54Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, because I know that that guy, even at his favorite table, he can beat my best. Anyway.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  I'm searching for the next lyric.

• 8:02Conan O'Brien?

  When he was a cowboy, he once owned a vest.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  I don't think that was, okay.

• 8:06Conan O'Brien?

  He thought that he was sick, so he had that special test. Listen, Derek, I don't think there's any time for you today.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  I'm sorry.

• 8:13Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, I'm kidding. We're gonna get to this. How does one play pinball well? What would you tell me to do?

• 8:18Speaker 03

  Well, I think the biggest thing, I think that one of the biggest things that I tell people sort of, you know, to try to break down pinball into, I think what is a key element is patience. And I think one of the things that a lot of people do, you know, for most people, it is a very random thing, right? You play pinball, you put your money in, the ball goes, it kind of goes where it goes. You're sort of at the whim of physics.

• 8:39Conan O'Brien?

  And I will say, I'll just cut in and say, I bash a lot. I'm a basher. So the ball gets near my flipper and I'm just bashing away. That is wrong. That's not what I should be doing, correct?

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Well, not necessarily. So, so, and this is something I also wanted to talk about is, you know, a lot of people think that you are not allowed, like that it's cheating to move the table, right? Not, not, not against the rules.

• 9:01Conan O'Brien?

  You can do stuff to the table? I thought. Said tilt, tilt, and you were disqualified.

• 9:06Speaker 03

  So that's the natural consequence if you move it too much. So you gotta low, you gotta know the sort of cadence of the game in order to, you know, move it how you need to. Cause sometimes the ball's coming straight down the middle, you gotta do something.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  Right, there's nothing you can do, sometimes you get out of it.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 03

  Well, there's one thing you can do is you give that, give that game a good shake and then, and then you can make it happen.

• 9:25Conan O'Brien?

  So if I shake it, it won't say tilt?

• 9:27Speaker 03

  You might, if you do it too hard.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  But you gotta know, this is part of being a professional.

• 9:31Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, you gotta, you gotta have like that, that finesse.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  Um, but yeah, but the patience element that I wanna, I wanted to mention was in terms of, you know, when the, when the ball comes to the flippers, I think it's very, and I'll, I'll demonstrate here.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  Most nerve wracking thing in my life.

• 9:44Speaker 03

  Is this part? Is that, as soon as it gets down there.

• 9:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  You just start going crazy. You're just, you're just trying to get the ball right back up to the top, which is, you know, natural inclination. A lot of times, the, one of the key skills I think you wanna build is what's called the dead flip. And the dead flip is essentially you watch that ball, if you see that's coming to one of the flippers, you let it strike that flipper without flipping and let the natural carom of the ball go to the other flipper. And maybe even you hold that ball, then you can cradle it, you know, hold it in, in sort of stationary position or, um, you know, just at least get a slower shot off. So you can control your pace of play.

• 10:19Conan O'Brien?

  So you cradle the ball?

• 10:20Speaker 03

  You can cradle the ball, yes.

• 10:21Conan O'Brien?

  And then you, you hold it and then.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  And then you let it go, then you let, you cradle it and then you let it go.

• 10:25Speaker 03

  And you let it go.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  Dooh, flip.

• 10:27Speaker 03

  And then, yeah, you figure, you figure out that sweet spot on the flipper where you're gonna hit the ramp.

• 10:30Conan O'Brien?

  You're in your fancy technical terms.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  Well, you kind of let it go, dooh, flip.

• 10:34Conan O'Brien?

  And then, flip-a-loo.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  She's right on it.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I, I think I do have that patience. I think, I think I could be a part of this.

• 10:40Conan O'Brien?

  I.

• 10:41Speaker 02

  I'm gonna need you to have free gold watch.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  Yes, well, and there's plenty of great leagues in LA as well.

• 10:45Conan O'Brien?

  And also, this is something I know about Darcy, just from previous conversations we've had, um, that she's from the Bay Area originally, so this would be a natural for you to go to this place, play this game, you have the patience, I'm. I'm not a patient man.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  Right, right, right.

• 10:59Conan O'Brien?

  I'm just gonna say that I'm not a patient man.

• 11:01Speaker 02

  It's good to know that about you.

• 11:02Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm a rough person. I bash things, I smash them like a gorilla.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:06Conan O'Brien?

  With a Samsonite suitcase in a ad in 1966. That's me. So...

• 11:11Speaker 03

  Wonderful.

• 11:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I, uh, that would be a problem, but I would be willing to manage Darcy if you quit everything you're doing in show business and went 24/7 hard on... I would, I would sponsor you.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  You would?

• 11:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  Okay, I would.

• 11:26Conan O'Brien?

  But no acting, no more of your success. You say goodbye to all that because this is the future now. There's no time for that.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  I honestly love it. I love, I love pinball.

• 11:37Conan O'Brien?

  Good, that's an agreement.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  Okay, great. So I'll sign right here. Conan O'Brien.

• 11:42Conan O'Brien?

  Oh no!

• 11:43Speaker 02

  She tricked me. You can insert it, yeah, yeah.

• 11:45Conan O'Brien?

  So, so, um, this is fascinating. Uh, is there any cheating? Do people ever mess with the game? Have you ever caught someone who has infiltrated the game? Maybe tweaked it in a way that...

• 11:58Speaker 02

  Added another ball? Oh, I'm sorry, I said that like it's easy to do. It's not easy to do that. Yeah, it would be hard.

• 12:05Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, that wasn't what I was thinking, but, but I wasn't getting that specific. But, sure, yeah.

• 12:11Speaker 03

  Well, there's definitely things, I'd say, I'd say in terms of, you know, I guess, conduct issues that you might encounter, you know, if, if our officials, who we have players who act as officials during the league nights and during the tournaments, um, if they see, you know, basically like bad behavior, like trying to distract players, sometimes like playing in a way that is meant to kind of like, you know, pull their eye line away, like kind of stand on their side.

• 12:34Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, can I ask you a question? Is there trash talking? Is there trash talking?

• 12:37Speaker 03

  There is, there is, but I'd, I'd say, you know, you, you gotta, just like any, any area, you gotta know your audience, right? So I think, I think there's, probably most of the trash talk is between, you know, people who really are, are just playing hard and wanna have fun. Sometimes, yeah, if, if there is trash talk, the tournament directors have extraordinary discretion to give warnings or to just ban or exclude someone from a tournament if they think that they're just not conducive to the environment. So that's, that's...

• 13:05Speaker 02

  What would be an example of trash talk? Of like, like acceptable? You got a limp paddle! Right, right, right.

• 13:10Conan O'Brien?

  But that's okay.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, can you say you got a limp paddle? Your paddle's so limp!

• 13:13Conan O'Brien?

  Can you say you got limp paddle?

• 13:15Speaker 02

  Do you ever say you got a limp paddle?

• 13:16Speaker 03

  That's a new one. I mean, I think you could bring a lot to the trash talk game with that.

• 13:20Speaker 02

  I'm pretty good at trash talking. But is it just like, is it probably no swearing, right? No F, no S, no B, no A?

• 13:27Speaker 03

  I would say even there.

• 13:28Conan O'Brien?

  Good God, very good.

• 13:29Speaker 03

  I mean, W is fine.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  W is fine.

• 13:33Speaker 03

  But no, the, I'd say with that, there's actually a fair amount of tolerance. Or at least like, I've seen people who have like, really big reactions. And even then, you know, as long as it's genuine, sort of like, it's in the heat of passion. It's not really directed in sort of a really, sort of malicious way. I think that you might get a warning, just like, hey, just try to keep it cool, but you're not gonna get banned for that.

• 13:54Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  And so, yeah, so I think, you know, there's levels to it, as with any sort of group activity that way. But in terms of the game, yeah. The adulteration of the game, I'd say is probably unlikely. There's, I mean, there's maybe, one thing that actually happens in a lot of the more high levels.

• 14:10Conan O'Brien?

  When you say fixing the game, you mean it's hard to get in there and adjust the electronics?

• 14:12Speaker 03

  Oh, sure. Yes, yeah, like, or, yeah, like, you would have to, like, especially, you know, to your suggestion, in terms of adding balls or something like that, that would require you to remove the glass. Or unless you like drilled a hole in the side.

• 14:24Conan O'Brien?

  No, but that's what I'm talking about. Someone coming in the night before, being lowered on ropes like Tom Cruise.

• 14:29Speaker 03

  Right.

• 14:29Conan O'Brien?

  And then, you know, lifting the glass off with little suction cups, and then inserting another ball, and then maybe some other stuff in there, trimming a wire, doing this or that, that gives you the advantage.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then also, the next person that uses, it's not your...

• 14:43Conan O'Brien?

  It blows up after you.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, oh, it self-destructs. Right, right, and then you win.

• 14:47Conan O'Brien?

  You win, because no one else can play it.

• 14:56Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 14:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 14:59Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then, in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 15:13Conan O'Brien?

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  Mm-hmm.

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• 16:21Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I want to try something different.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  What?

• 16:23Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things, so I'm gonna try and make apple cider.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Ooh!

• 16:27Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  Okay.

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  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

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  Yeah.

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  They're America's best network.

• 16:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 16:43Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 16:50Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 16:52Conan O'Brien?

  And that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 16:59Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 17:00Conan O'Brien?

  Travel show that I do.

• 17:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:02Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 17:13Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 17:15Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 17:20Speaker 01

  My god.

• 17:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. No, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 17:24Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 17:25Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to T-Mobile.com and find yours best. Based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit T-Mobile.com, consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 17:53Conan O'Brien?

  Now, Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:56Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:58Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 18:04Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 18:05Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 18:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that jacket, nice jacket.

• 18:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so now you have to do it because you said you would.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  Aw, man, I didn't know you were doing that.

• 18:15Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I know the holidays, I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:28Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG and more all in one place. You can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 18:53Conan O'Brien?

  Sona, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 18:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:59Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself, not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 19:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself on a walk with a cousin. With a cousin, why are they getting all specific about?

• 19:19Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 19:20Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 19:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:24Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife. I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:31Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high fiving.

• 20:01Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 20:23Conan O'Brien?

  On the subject of, of, of specific games, I know there are specific games with specific themes.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 20:30Conan O'Brien?

  Are there games that are thought of? I used to work on The Simpsons, so obviously I know there was a Simpsons game. Is that, is that game well thought of in the community?

• 20:37Speaker 03

  Well, there's, there's two. So there's the Simpsons Pinball Party, a much more recent release that actually I think is, is generally very well liked as, as a game. And it's got Homer's Garage, it's got a lot of fun, the monorail is there, so you, you're covered.

• 20:49Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, should I get money from this?

• 20:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think you should.

• 20:52Speaker 03

  I mean.

• 20:52Conan O'Brien?

  That's my episode. That's one of my episodes.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  Checking with your folks.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:56Conan O'Brien?

  My folks.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Why'd you have to bring them up?

• 20:59Speaker 03

  With, with your people.

• 21:00Conan O'Brien?

  They're dead, man.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  I think you just met your people.

• 21:04Speaker 03

  But there isn't earlier, there isn't.

• 21:08Speaker 03

  There isn't earlier Simpsons Pinball Machine. So that newer one is by Stern Pinball, but well regarded because it's their current manufacturer.

• 21:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, they're very highly regarded. Yeah.

• 21:16Speaker 03

  Was Data East, which is actually sort of a predecessor.

• 21:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:19Speaker 03

  And it, it's, it's actually, it's a very fun look, like the artwork is great. It's, you know, it's got a lot of the callouts of like the voices and whatnot. But it's, in terms of the rule set, like as a pinball game, I think it's generally disliked in a competition setting because there's a, they, a lot of people call it the big stupid ramp. Like a lot of games have the big stupid ramp. And so.

• 21:41Conan O'Brien?

  D'Arcy, you can speak to this.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  Is this one where, wait, you were about to tell us about the big stupid ramp, but does a second ball come out occasionally on that one?

• 21:49Speaker 03

  I think, I think there's a multi-ball, yeah.

• 21:50Conan O'Brien?

  This is what Son was talking about.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  Right.

• 21:52Conan O'Brien?

  Someone rigged the game, Matt Greening rigged it, like 30 years ago.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  The big stupid ramp leaves it, leaves it right down the center of the flippers, right?

• 22:01Speaker 03

  Uh, no, it usually will return it to the, uh, it's called like a lane return. So it'll put it on your flipper. So that way you can flip it again. Yeah. Usually it's that, yeah, not going to put it in too much danger unless you miss it and it, then it rolls backwards down the ramp, down the center.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Dad, what about the one where it bounces and then it goes into the one that makes you lose?

• 22:18Speaker 02

  No fair.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  Right?

• 22:19Speaker 03

  Bounces and then makes, makes you lose.

• 22:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  A specific game or you're just talking about generally like?

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Pinball machine.

• 22:26Conan O'Brien?

  What's the theme of it? Is it like Sartre? What's the, what's the theme of the game?

• 22:30Speaker 01

  Right before it goes to the paddles, there's one part where it bounces and then it can either go right to where you-

• 22:35Speaker 04

  There was a Terminator one that I think did that.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  Yes, where it finishes and you lose or it goes to the left to the paddles.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  Derek, is there, is there, in the Simpsons one, is there one where, I feel like I played it and you just get so many points if you get it in the right spot? It goes like.

• 22:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, there is. So actually the, uh, the nuclear power plant are the bumpers. So if you can get in the bumper, it, it won't be necessarily the biggest points, but yeah, you could get lucky and just get a lot of action there. And that, depending on the mode you're in, this is getting deep into the strategy.

• 23:05Conan O'Brien?

  There is a whole, first of all, it's clear that everyone here is, was traumatized at one point by a game. But the other thing is, these are such vibrant memories for all of us because pinball goes back to, I mean, goes back forever, but it's been around my entire life. And, uh, so I, we've all had similar experiences where it comes right down the middle. It's out of the reach of both flippers and there's nothing you can do.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  So heartbreaking.

• 23:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  Although now we know, there is something you can do.

• 23:34Conan O'Brien?

  Not if it's going right down the middle.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  But he's saying if it's going right down the middle.

• 23:36Conan O'Brien?

  Tilt the table.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Or like maybe bump it with your body?

• 23:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, you can, you can. I mean, that, as long as, again.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Me neither.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  But I, I mean, the one, the one, okay, so the two things I'll say, one is you might tilt it, right? So in that, the natural penalty for the tilt is you lose your ball. So then it goes on to the next one. But then the other potential issue is that there's an operator who actually owns the machine. And if they see you messing with the game too much, they might ask you to leave that establishment. Yeah.

• 24:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but I tend to do that when he's got his head towards, near the oven, you know? He's shoveling a pie in. That's the best time to tilt.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  Tilt.

• 24:08Conan O'Brien?

  Because he's dealing with that blast of flame.

• 24:11Speaker 02

  His head's in the oven.

• 24:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  Tilt. Freaking tilt, man.

• 24:14Conan O'Brien?

  What's he doing? He's feeding it in right now. Tilt.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Oh no, he's committing suicide.

• 24:20Conan O'Brien?

  Better for me.

• 24:22Speaker 02

  Tilt all night.

• 24:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 24:24Speaker 02

  All right, sorry.

• 24:25Conan O'Brien?

  No, don't you never apologize for being you.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, guys, I'm sorry.

• 24:28Conan O'Brien?

  Darcy, never apologize for being you. No, it was good. This is incredible. You've taught us so much about pinball. And what is your favorite game of all time? Is there one themed pinball game that's like the holy grail for you?

• 24:41Speaker 03

  So I guess, I guess, let me, let me answer that in two ways. One is that I actually have a favorite game for competition play and a favorite game that I own. And so for competition play, there's actually a very old game. It's from, I think, the mid 60s. It's called Royal Flush. And it is a game where basically the main, the main thing is there's these stand up targets. As you hit them, you make poker hands and then you collect points as you go along there. For whatever reason, and it's a very simple game, but for whatever reason, it beguiles even really great players. And I feel pretty confident playing it. So it's a game where I can maximize my winning percentage on that. But then for my personal one, it's actually a very recent game that I purchased with the blessing from my wife, who's a big fan of the theme.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  There's a Jim Henson's Labyrinth game that was recently produced and I'm a big fan. And yeah, so that's it, that's downstairs.

• 25:34Conan O'Brien?

  You bring up an interesting point, your wife. Where is she in your, in your obsession with pinball? And you're saying she let me buy this game.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  With her blessing.

• 25:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and with her blessing. But how often is she in the corner crying?

• 25:49Speaker 03

  I'm telling you, you're right, you're spot on. There was a time where we needed it. So before we had children, because I have two children, five and five years and five months.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  Oh, weird names.

• 26:01Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, for family names.

• 26:03Speaker 02

  Sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  That's, it goes way back. But no, the, before we had my son in 2020, we did have, you know, we went, went to therapy to, you know, really have somebody sort of help us talk through like, hey, I do a lot of things. Not only pinball, I would do some like comedy, I would do video game tournaments. I just, you know, I love to sing karaoke. I'm all over the map. And she was very supportive.

• 26:26Conan O'Brien?

  You rounded out your pinball obsession with other equally horrible things.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:29Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 26:31Conan O'Brien?

  I do D and D, you know, I'm not stuck.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  There was a moment where, yeah, I think we did have to have a sit down and be like, hey, this is not sustainable.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  How many nights a week?

• 26:42Speaker 03

  So let's just be mindful. And I think I'm much better for it.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 26:47Conan O'Brien?

  Is there the equivalent of Alcoholics Anonymous for people that can't stop playing pinball? They've got twitchy thumbs and they're like going.

• 27:00Speaker 03

  Maybe in the way, you know, there are people who have reported if they play a lot of Tetris.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, that's me.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  They have like, they like, yeah.

• 27:06Conan O'Brien?

  Do you have that problem?

• 27:07Speaker 03

  Dream in Tetris.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 27:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:10Speaker 02

  I am the best Tetris player in the world.

• 27:14Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, breaking.

• 27:15Speaker 02

  My little sister's better. My little sister's better, but I'm second best in the world. And yeah, definitely dream in Tetris. Think about Tetris. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm able to, you know, I can, I can, I can.

• 27:26Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think you can. I think you have a real problem.

• 27:28Speaker 02

  No, it's good. It's not a bad, it's not a bad.

• 27:30Conan O'Brien?

  It's not good at all.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  I really, I want to play it right now, actually. Now that we're talking about it, I'm like, I gotta go.

• 27:34Conan O'Brien?

  I gotta talk to Jason. Gotta talk to your husband about this.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  Just break out your phone right now.

• 27:38Conan O'Brien?

  Did you have a question for me?

• 27:40Speaker 03

  I do, actually. So I guess one, one quick pitch and then a question. I swear it'll be quick.

• 27:46Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it's funny, you always add things.

• 27:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:48Conan O'Brien?

  I'll say, you know, it's just funny, it's your thing. I'll be like, you know, do you have a que, you know, I'll say, oh, and what about this? Well, I can answer that in nine ways.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Right, well, that's pinball for you, right?

• 27:57Speaker 03

  Just pinball.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  He's got pinball brain.

• 27:59Conan O'Brien?

  He's playing pinball with my, with my soul.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  Derek's got pinball brain.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  I mean, I wrote, I wrote a musical about pinball.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  Did you? Wait, wait, wait. You wrote a musical about pinball? I think there already is one.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  Well, that's about playing pinball. This is about living pinball.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 28:16Speaker 03

  It was in a local San Francisco competition. I won the contest. It was great.

• 28:19Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, Derek.

• 28:20Speaker 03

  It was wonderful.

• 28:21Conan O'Brien?

  Good for you.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  So the one pitch I have is if you ever do Conan, Musco, but for the United States.

• 28:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 28:25Speaker 03

  I gotta say.

• 28:26Conan O'Brien?

  When we thought about that, I just want to, and remember, it started with a gil, go ahead.

• 28:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. But you gotta go, go to a pinball in Chicago. There's a lot of the manufacturers, go to the factory. They have a special room where you can see all the experimental features. And I just feel like you could do a lot.

• 28:43Conan O'Brien?

  I think that sounds like I would have a good time. If I go, I'll bring you. How about that?

• 28:46Speaker 03

  There you go. Thank you.

• 28:47Conan O'Brien?

  At your cost. You have to pay the flight and my camera crew.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  I got you. I got you. Question is, so Team Coco licenses the Team Coco brand, the Conan brand likeness for a pinball machine. What features are you insisting are in the machine?

• 29:04Conan O'Brien?

  Well, first of all, I would, I would consult with you if we did this. I would definitely consult with you. And I love this idea.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  That's a great idea.

• 29:09Conan O'Brien?

  And I do insist, there's so many things that we could get into, the weeds on. But at some point, I would like to physically come out of the machine. I would like to be, and I would be willing, if there was only one and we could work it out with my schedule. I would go and I would be secreted in the machine. And, and then when someone wins, I come out.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 29:33Conan O'Brien?

  And greet them and take a selfie and then I buy them a round of drinks. Like, that would be important to me. Now, if that can't happen, I want some kind of Conan figure to come up out of the game. Because I'm self-obsessed. And don't you think, what do you think?

• 29:48Speaker 02

  I think that, okay, so like if you can picture a pinball machine, I think it's like as if Conan is in bed and his head is right here and then his body is here and he's naked. No, sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 30:00Conan O'Brien?

  No, wait a minute. Hello, Darcy.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  No.

• 30:03Speaker 03

  I like this.

• 30:04Conan O'Brien?

  No, I like this.

• 30:06Speaker 02

  I just realized what I was sort of describing, but I'm like, I'm thinking of Conan.

• 30:10Speaker 03

  What?

• 30:11Speaker 01

  She was like describing it with her fingers, which made it even more colorful.

• 30:15Conan O'Brien?

  It's highly erotic. I'm enjoying this.

• 30:18Speaker 01

  It's horrifying.

• 30:19Speaker 02

  But definitely something with.

• 30:20Conan O'Brien?

  Derek, I think you should leave.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Something with, like some, some great ramp with his hair.

• 30:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, ramp with the hair is important, but when you say I'm naked, is there parts of my body that are flipping the ball or no?

• 30:34Speaker 03

  It's like an operation.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's kind of what I'm picturing. No.

• 30:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, oh, it could go into different parts of my body.

• 30:39Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 30:40Conan O'Brien?

  And it's me, look, my face is kind of like, ugh, because I have body shame.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  And this is, and this is how you really get them. You could be, this is you. You could really be in this pinball machine. Just a little head, your naked torso, maybe the pinball goes in your belly button.

• 30:57Conan O'Brien?

  Now we're wondering what the flippers are. We are.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  And we're all wondering. God, no one's wondering. And we're sitting here wondering.

• 31:04Conan O'Brien?

  And we're wondering.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  And no one's answering the question.

• 31:07Conan O'Brien?

  Well, maybe it's my feet. They're churned inward going, and I'm kind of like, my feet are going.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, or it's the string dance. It's the string dance.

• 31:15Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, string dance.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Yes, that makes sense. I was thinking like your intellectual property, like a little masturbating bear. And if the ball goes there and goes ding ding ding ding.

• 31:23Conan O'Brien?

  A little triumph.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  His hands go faster.

• 31:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  This is great. Oh, that's genius. I know.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  He's like quickly jerking it.

• 31:36Conan O'Brien?

  Not licensed.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  I really do think you could make a.

• 31:40Conan O'Brien?

  Derek, I'm very interested, Adam. Let's get on this.

• 31:43Speaker 03

  On it.

• 31:45Conan O'Brien?

  And not Team Coco Ga- Conan!

• 31:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, go for it. I like it. I think this is all, this is all going into, yeah.

• 31:53Conan O'Brien?

  All right, well, Derek.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  You should workshop the body a little bit more, I think. It doesn't need to be there. I don't think that needs to be there.

• 31:58Conan O'Brien?

  I can show you photos and stuff, just so you know what you're dealing with.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  That's okay. We're good.

• 32:02Conan O'Brien?

  No, I just went to my dermatologist.

• 32:03Speaker 01

  Lost all the color in your face. You look like you're about to vomit.

• 32:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Derek, absolute joy talking to you. I will be, we will be in touch if we can get this game to the next level. And thank you so much. This was really fun. Thank you.

• 32:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I really appreciate it. I feel very fortunate to have a lovely experience like this. So yeah, thank you so much. And Darcy, lovely that you could join us.

• 32:26Speaker 02

  So nice to meet you.

• 32:27Conan O'Brien?

  What a lovely guy.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  My Bay Area brother.

• 32:29Conan O'Brien?

  I love this guy.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Yes, absolutely.

• 32:30Conan O'Brien?

  You're a very lovely fellow. And I have nine reasons why. All right, take care, man. Bye.

• 32:36Speaker 03

  All right, thanks, Conan. Thanks, Sonu. Thanks, Darcy.

• 32:39Speaker 05

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonum Movsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leo. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 32:56Speaker 05

  Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Dougherty and Lisa Berman. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 33:24Speaker 04

  One thing casual fans don't understand is how [bleep] good pro wrestling is. Think you know wrestling? Join us on the Busted Open Podcast every single day. The biggest stories, the biggest debates, no filters. If you're a wrestling fan, this is your daily stop. Wrestling is better when the fans are as excited as I am. Seven days a week, breaking news and interviews with the biggest names in wrestling. Every episode is waiting for you in the podcast feed, wherever you get your podcasts.

• 33:54Speaker 06

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