Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Visit https://RedwoodOutdoors.com and use code YMH to save $175. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, and get the plan shipped to your door for FREE, go to https://MINTMOBILE.com/mom. Go to https://shopify.com/momshouse to start selling with Shopify today. Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. She's baaaaaack!!! The Fart Mistress herself, la madre de Tommy, Charo is in the mommy dome, joining Tim and Kristin for some fun clips and a lot of coffee. The trio talk about Charo's star making turn at their recent vacation, Charo's new life living in Austin, the LA wildfires, the happy birthday drive-thru prank, and the feedback they've received from the mommies about Charo's OnlyFans. Speaking of that, Tommy spends most this episode trying to convince her that it's an amazing idea, because duh, it's the best idea. They also check out some TikToks, Charo reacts to some Horrible or Hilarious clips, and Charo gets pretty lit by the end of this thing. There's also an incredible banger of a closing song by the one and only Will Blunderfield to wrap the whole thing up. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 794 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT) or visit http://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: http://dkng.co/dk-offer-terms. Ends 2/9/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:04 - Charo Is In The House 00:03:27 - Opening Clip: Happy Trail Bear 00:06:02 - Vacation Star 00:15:57 - CharOFans 00:26:21 - Clip: Thumbs Way Up 00:31:20 - Clip: Piss Nuke 00:32:36 - Horrible Or Hilarious 00:36:25 - Ad Break 00:41:12 - Notting Hill 00:47:05 - Clip: Will Blunderfield's Stink Portal 00:48:29 - Clip: Hazing 00:49:34 - LA Wildfires 00:53:43 - Clip: Feeling Good Forever 00:56:14 - Squirrels 01:00:35 - Bridge & Facial Enhancements 01:05:33 - Clip: Dancing Sloppers 01:07:32 - Happy Birthday Drive Thru Prank 01:17:49 - Extremely Serious 01:25:31 - Time To Clean Up The Act 01:31:19 - TikToks 01:38:10 - Classic Charo Voice Clips 01:48:40 - Closing Song - "I Love Smelling My Farts" by Will Blunderfield Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Tom Segura?

  San Francisco, I'll be at the Chase Center this Friday. Tickets are on sale now. Later this month, I'll be in Athens, Georgia, Savannah, Georgia, and North Charleston, South Carolina. All dates and information are at tomsegura.com/tour.

• 0:26Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  I would want to-

• 0:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sounds like we're ready.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  We started a normal conversation. Normal?

• 0:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's normal?

• 0:39Speaker 01

  Well-

• 0:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're normal. We're more normal than most people in the world.

• 0:44Tom Segura?

  Candy?

• 0:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Honestly.

• 0:47Tom Segura?

  Will you put those on, Mom?

• 0:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  You put the headphones on.

• 0:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah. I think this would be better.

• 0:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Turo, do you want to button your sweater so that your tatas don't?

• 0:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you should button it.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Oh, shit.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  What do you want me to button?

• 1:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Button your sweater. Button it.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought I was showing something.

• 1:07Tom Segura?

  No, she thinks it looks better buttoned.

• 1:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm telling you, somebody who, you know, you just want it.

• 1:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  If you want the show to have class and good scene.

• 1:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, we don't.

• 1:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you think of my drawing of Tom?

• 1:22Speaker 01

  I can see it.

• 1:23Tom Segura?

  That?

• 1:24Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 1:24Tom Segura?

  And this one?

• 1:26Speaker 01

  You did that?

• 1:27Tom Segura?

  She did that.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  Get out.

• 1:29Tom Segura?

  Do you think that looks like me, though?

• 1:31Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:32Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  But it's a good drawing.

• 1:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 1:36Speaker 01

  But what does it have to do with me? Not even...

• 1:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  So rude.

• 1:41Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look. It's an interpretation, okay?

• 1:46Tom Segura?

  It's an interpretation.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Am I talking in a speaker of this conversation?

• 1:49Tom Segura?

  Lean towards the mic more. Sit, just sit up.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  I didn't realize you guys are talking like this.

• 1:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you gotta talk into the microphone, yeah.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  My voice is too sexy.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  I can't.

• 2:01Tom Segura?

  Okay, so, um, first of all, I'm so excited that my mommy has moved to Austin. Welcome.

• 2:14Tom Segura?

  Uh, you're Austin's newest celebrity resident. How does it feel to be here?

• 2:18Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. Where do I start? The fact that he has been here close to you guys and be able to see each other every weekend.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Ella's glorious. ¿Qué pasó?

• 2:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. I don't know. What's wrong with you? Are you okay?

• 2:37Speaker 01

  ¿Qué te pasa?

• 2:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think that your, that headphones on your cheek and not on your ear. Can you push it back to your ear?

• 2:43Speaker 01

  Is that what you're laughing?

• 2:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that what you're laughing?

• 2:49Speaker 01

  Ay, perdón. Que fue, café.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  ¿Qué te pasa, Tommy?

• 2:56Tom Segura?

  Oh, no.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  ¿Es ese de ser? ¿Qué cosa ha dicho?

• 3:01Tom Segura?

  No, no. Careful with the mug on the thing. Okay, okay. So, um...

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Ya aprendí.

• 3:12Tom Segura?

  No, it's so nice to have you and my little sister here. It's so fun. We got to, um...

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. I'm not going to talk like Hawaii. I have to talk about the cruise.

• 3:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  You can say a little bit, then let me talk.

• 3:25Tom Segura?

  Okay, um, we're gonna get into all that, our New Year's vacation and, and everything that's going on. But before that, we always play an opening clip to open the show. So here's our opening clip to this special episode with Charo.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  Somebody have to clap, no?

• 3:45Speaker 01

  No reaction?

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Ah, a mí no me clavas con ese señor. No. Ay, qué asco. No!

• 4:00Speaker 01

  No te respect.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  ¿Qué te pasa? Ay, qué asco!

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Allá pues sacado ese señor hasta aquí, ¿no?

• 4:15Speaker 01

  ¿Qué te pasa, Tommy?

• 4:17Tom Segura?

  It's our opening song.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  ¿O Luis?

• 4:20Tom Segura?

  Not him, the song.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Ay, qué bonito.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  Tommy, ¿qué le pasó a tu amigo?

• 4:35Tom Segura?

  ¿Cuál?

• 4:37Speaker 01

  El de los caramelitos, pues, ¿cuál es?

• 4:39Tom Segura?

  Oh, ¿él está aquí?

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Ah, ¿me puedes restar uno?

• 4:43Tom Segura?

  No.

• 4:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  Oye, secretos delante, ¿no?

• 4:48Tom Segura?

  No, no, we're just, we're not supposed to talk during that whole time that you talked.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 4:54Tom Segura?

  But, okay, let's, um, let's get into it. First of all, did you like that clip? No, you did not like it.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  I don't remember the clip.

• 5:00Tom Segura?

  The guy.

• 5:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, what?

• 5:04Speaker 01

  No, because, no, that's his repor...

• 5:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't think he's cute? I think he's really cute.

• 5:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he kinda looks like me.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Well, a little bit. Yeah, look to both of you. Cristina.

• 5:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think he's hot.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  Oh, Cristina, you can help him.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  Okay, I don't know if Tommy is attracted to you, because if you like that guy and you like Tommy, maybe we push Tommy, she sees similarities.

• 5:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do.

• 5:26Tom Segura?

  I do, I see similarities myself.

• 5:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Actually, you have the glasses.

• 5:30Tom Segura?

  I have the glasses, I have the beard. I have the chest hair and the hair.

• 5:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  And the nose is spot on.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  Yes, and then you feel like you're so cool that you open the...

• 5:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  The robe.

• 5:40Tom Segura?

  It's sort of like, uh, my brother's out there somewhere.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 5:43Tom Segura?

  Wait, is this my brother?

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Or you faking.

• 5:46Tom Segura?

  Is this my brother?

• 5:46Speaker 01

  No. That's when I used to inflate you and I put you back in there. I did it. I did it.

• 5:54Tom Segura?

  What did you do?

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Changed you.

• 5:56Tom Segura?

  You changed me?

• 5:57Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 5:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. Say thank you.

• 6:00Tom Segura?

  Thank you very much. So, um, it was, uh, amazing to spend, cheers, happy, um, the New Year's trip with you. We got to go to, to an island in the Caribbean, and we went with our, um, our entire family. What was really fascinating, we all talked about this, you were the star of the vacation.

• 6:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  By far the star.

• 6:25Tom Segura?

  By far, you were the star of the vacation.

• 6:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I, can I tell you what? I'm just so amazed with you, is that for the first time in, what, 17 years, you said, you put on a bathing suit.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 6:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  You got into the ocean with our children, with your beautiful grandsons.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  No, don't make me cry.

• 6:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You got on a sea doo.

• 6:42Tom Segura?

  You did, you rode a sea doo.

• 6:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  With this guy. And you were jumping in the water.

• 6:47Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God. The sea doo jet ski ride? So she is by...

• 6:52Speaker 01

  That was funny.

• 6:53Tom Segura?

  I'm sitting here like this, she's sitting behind me, right? And she's holding on and she'd go, "Slow down." And I was like, "We're good." And she'd go, "You are good."

• 7:04Speaker 01

  And then, Christina, no, then he would go like, you know, "You are good." Yeah.

• 7:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but you didn't, you didn't like that he was going too fast.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  No, you're going, "Excuse me, if I keep accelerating, the more scared I got."

• 7:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  And then, I don't remember.

• 7:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then what?

• 7:20Tom Segura?

  She doesn't remember.

• 7:25Speaker 01

  I don't think it. I don't think it. I don't think it.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  Hold the beer.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  I don't think it.

• 7:44Tom Segura?

  You can't lift the cup.

• 7:56Tom Segura?

  How was the coffee?

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Delicioso, un poquito frío, pero delicioso.

• 7:59Tom Segura?

  You want more?

• 8:00Speaker 01

  If it's hot.

• 8:01Tom Segura?

  You want a hot one? We'll bring you a hot one.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 8:04Tom Segura?

  Please. Okay, now I'm back to the microphone.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  I don't remember what we were talking about.

• 8:08Tom Segura?

  That's what we were just talking about, how great the vacation was.

• 8:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, and really it was because of your positive attitude.

• 8:13Tom Segura?

  And you also ate more shrooms than anybody, remember?

• 8:16Speaker 01

  I want to talk about the real things, not just stupid stories.

• 8:19Tom Segura?

  No, I'm serious.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  Serious is what I'm going to say. Number one, you could not dream for any human being with billions and billions of todo to have a better gift of this vacation for you guys. It was above and beyond any expectation in my short life.

• 8:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  And also, might I say, you've embraced, at your age, if, if you might, if I, is it okay saying that you're 80 years old, 80 years young? And that you've embraced, I would say, such a cool lifestyle, the lifestyle I want to have. You're into all kinds of things, may I, may I say?

• 8:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  You, you're into edibles now?

• 9:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, psychedelics.

• 9:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Psychedelics?

• 9:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mushrooms?

• 9:04Speaker 01

  Hey, excuse me, I don't have any in my house.

• 9:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, I'm not saying.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  And to eles, que no sé ni lo que es, yo no, eh, me habl...

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Tommy, le puede tocar?

• 9:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Why are you crying?

• 9:26Tom Segura?

  It's just fun. I'm just so emotional.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Ah, no.

• 9:31Tom Segura?

  They're writing you another one.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  Calientito.

• 9:34Tom Segura?

  They're gonna write it, calientito, yeah, okay.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  Keep going.

• 9:37Tom Segura?

  So, you had more,

• 9:42Tom Segura?

  you had more psychedelics than anybody on the vacation.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Psychedelics?

• 9:47Tom Segura?

  The mushrooms, the gummies.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Estaba no sé lo que es el estúpido gummy. I remember when we were in the-

• 9:52Tom Segura?

  Microphone, yeah.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, no.

• 9:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you can say speak loud, it's okay.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  But what if I don't want to?

• 9:59Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  What was the question?

• 10:03Tom Segura?

  That you had more than anybody and you were like, "Turn it up, let's get some more going."

• 10:07Speaker 01

  To be honest,

• 10:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  I don't see them do shit. I think the people are destroying their brains and we're no purpose. Because definitely those stupid things.

• 10:15Tom Segura?

  Don't work.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  No, they damage your brain.

• 10:19Tom Segura?

  They damage your brain.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  And we are so stupid that we pay to damage our brain.

• 10:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but it's fun, that's the whole point.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Well, if I do it once every three years and one time, it's fun.

• 10:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, and you were so fun when you were taking them.

• 10:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you were great.

• 10:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you were just-

• 10:35Speaker 01

  When I was taking them?

• 10:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you were so much fun, you were the best attitude.

• 10:39Tom Segura?

  On vacation, thank you Heather.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  What do you mean on vacation, I wasn't taking anything.

• 10:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I was giving you gummies, remember in the mornings? You were like, "Hey, give me some more of those gummies, step it up."

• 10:48Speaker 01

  Ya empezaste, you know?

• 10:50Tom Segura?

  What?

• 10:51Speaker 01

  If you're going to be storyteller, don't talk that loud.

• 10:55Tom Segura?

  Okay, what, okay, so, do you-

• 10:59Speaker 01

  Why are you laughing?

• 11:00Tom Segura?

  Do you not like gummies at all?

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Primero, gummies es esa cosita con caramelo que tú me diste, no?

• 11:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah?

• 11:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:07Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 11:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is she saying, I can't understand. What did she say? What are you saying?

• 11:13Speaker 01

  I said.

• 11:14Tom Segura?

  Gummies like the little candy that I gave her, like the little chewable.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  Like a gummy?

• 11:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. It didn't do anything to you? You don't think it affects you at all?

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Zero.

• 11:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 11:22Tom Segura?

  What about today's?

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Today?

• 11:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  I'm in your show.

• 11:25Tom Segura?

  I know. How are you feeling?

• 11:28Speaker 01

  A little bit dizzy.

• 11:30Tom Segura?

  A little dizzy?

• 11:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  So?

• 11:34Tom Segura?

  So it's fine, it's fine.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  I think it's great.

• 11:37Tom Segura?

  It's great.

• 11:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is great.

• 11:38Tom Segura?

  We love it, I love it.

• 11:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I love that you're embracing, look, it's very amazing that somebody will change. I mean, you changed your life moving here to Austin. You've really embraced a whole new chapter in your life.

• 11:52Tom Segura?

  But I also wanted to focus on the fact that you were the star of the vacation.

• 11:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 11:55Tom Segura?

  You were doing things that like.

• 11:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hands down.

• 11:57Tom Segura?

  No, here's the thing. Everybody on that vacation was either a kid or middle aged like us. And you were the only senior and you were the one who was like, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna jump in. I'm gonna do this thing.

• 12:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the best time.

• 12:10Tom Segura?

  I wanna go swimming, I wanna go to the beach. So it was people were, we were all discussing how inspiring it was that you were at your age and wanting to do everything. That's what we're saying.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  Okay. Now I'm crying.

• 12:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  I'm because.

• 12:24Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  I expect you're going to say that.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  But to be honest, it remind me that no matter your age, as long as there is love, everything is perfect.

• 12:35Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 12:36Speaker 01

  The age is not something that we are all going to have it and then every time, everyone has his time, but really, I don't.

• 12:44Tom Segura?

  It's okay. You also realized, you told me that you're gonna live another three years max. Do you remember this?

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Oh, that I know it.

• 12:51Tom Segura?

  You know that?

• 12:52Speaker 01

  If I am.

• 12:53Tom Segura?

  Three max?

• 12:54Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 12:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why is three, you're in perfect health? You're healthier than me.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  I, as my kid says, I am a freak of nature.

• 13:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  You are.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  So instead of tell me we love you, I think you're a freak of nature. So when you die, do you mind if we send your brain and buy you?

• 13:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 13:17Tom Segura?

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• 13:59Tom Segura?

  reduced muscle tension, improved circulation, improved sleep, and so much more. I mean, I'm sure you guys have goals like that. I know you do.

• 14:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  You and I did our Redwood sauna together the other day, and it was delightful. We caught up. We got away from our kids.

• 14:14Tom Segura?

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• 14:55Tom Segura?

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• 15:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right. We use Mint Mobile here at Your Mom's House Studios. It's been fantastic.

• 15:05Tom Segura?

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• 15:48Speaker 01

  I keep pain.

• 15:49Tom Segura?

  No, it just happens. It's OK, we can keep talking. It's OK.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  This is called a vulgar attitude. And I don't think that is funny at all.

• 15:56Tom Segura?

  OK.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  You want respect in your show?

• 16:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I want respect.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  Well, then you earn it, you know. Your class, your words.

• 16:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's too late for that.

• 16:08Tom Segura?

  That's true.

• 16:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  The train has left the station.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  It's never too late.

• 16:12Tom Segura?

  It's not too late?

• 16:13Speaker 01

  Well, how come I am at that age, sitting here and moving to Texas? Why it's not going to be an age?

• 16:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 16:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's amazing that you chose to change your entire life. I think it's lovely and it's it's a wonderful new time for all of us as a family. We came together.

• 16:30Tom Segura?

  And it's also.

• 16:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  The boys love it. I love having you.

• 16:32Tom Segura?

  It's a perfect segue to talking about the next chapter of your life, which is the fact that a lot of people are excited about you starting an OnlyFans. OnlyFans, of course, is a subscription site where you are the star and people pay to have access to your life. So in other words, there's a monthly bill that's recurring. And every month, a person pays, let's say, $10 a month, something like that. And they just get access to Charo. And you go, hey, good morning. I'm making my coffee. I'm going to take the dogs out. I'm going to the store. And, you know, you just show them your life. Show them your life. Show them as much of your life as you want. And we told the audience that this was a possibility.

• 17:18Tom Segura?

  Well, the audience responded in such a way that they wanted you to know that they are ready for this. They are all ready to pay for access to your life. So if you don't mind looking at the screen right here. Yeah.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  The same guy?

• 17:34Tom Segura?

  Well, no, it's going to change here in a second. OK, here, here you go.

• 17:38Speaker 03

  Hola, Charo. Hey, Charo.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  Charo.

• 17:42Speaker 04

  Please do OnlyFans. Please. Please do it.

• 17:45Speaker 05

  Please try it out. We need your OnlyFans. Please join OnlyFans. We could really use that joy. You should definitely do an OnlyFans.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  Get your ass in gear and get that OnlyFans made. Me and the little guy think you need to sign up for OnlyFans. You can have one of the biggest accounts in the country. From Berlin. From Scotland. Tennessee.

• 18:03Tom Segura?

  Canada. California. From Israel. Quebec. Michigan. Colorado. Australia. North Carolina. British Columbia. From Germany. Please.

• 18:10Speaker 01

  You should really, really consider it.

• 18:12Tom Segura?

  Big time, yes. Love to subscribe to an OnlyFans from you.

• 18:15Speaker 05

  We can't wait to subscribe. I will be on that shit immediately. Yes, yes, yes.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  You should start.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  OnlyFans. You're a star and I wanna hear you fart. Charo.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  You know what we want to hear?

• 18:28Speaker 06

  Let it rip.

• 18:30Speaker 01

  I wanna hear some more of them things rip.

• 18:32Tom Segura?

  Let our little fart.

• 18:33Speaker 03

  I would give you my salary for one of those farts. I like farts too, a lot. Farts.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'ma pay for that.

• 18:43Speaker 07

  I really need your juicy farts in my life and I'm willing to pay whatever it takes. I need this. Charo, we finished. Guess who's got disposable income to spend on you, mommy? Me.

• 18:55Tom Segura?

  Five, ten dollars a month is nothing.

• 18:56Speaker 07

  Fifteen bucks a month.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  Twenty dollars.

• 18:58Speaker 07

  Five, ten. Fifteen. Ten. Five, ten. Ten. Eight, nine, twenty, fifteen. Twenty, twenty-five.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  Pay six dollars. Ninety-nine cents.

• 19:07Speaker 05

  I will pay whatever the hell you want.

• 19:08Tom Segura?

  My whole bank account.

• 19:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Premium bucks, baby.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  You won't need Tom's money after this, baby girl.

• 19:13Speaker 03

  Let's do this.

• 19:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  See how much comes in. Pop off clean. Make that OnlyFans. Gracias.

• 19:18Speaker 05

  We love you.

• 19:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stay gorgeous. Mwah.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  Mwah.

• 19:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 19:26Tom Segura?

  Thank you, thank you to everybody that let us know how you feel. They all want you to do this. And just so you know, go ahead and pull that mic close again. Just so you know, there is, there's endless possibilities

• 19:40Tom Segura?

  to how you can navigate your OnlyFans. Just so you know.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  I don't even know how to navigate.

• 19:47Tom Segura?

  Well, I mean.

• 19:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you know the demand is there now. We just, you just saw a montage of several thousand people from all over the globe that want to see you do things.

• 20:00Tom Segura?

  It's simple math, too. It's really simple math.

• 20:03Speaker 01

  I don't understand. Why a simple math?

• 20:06Tom Segura?

  Because what you're seeing is one person and then the next person and then the next person. It's like $10, $15, $20. And then keep multiplying the amount of people.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  And what do I do?

• 20:16Tom Segura?

  Well, that's how you want to do it. I mean, you know.

• 20:19Speaker 06

  I had no clue that my OnlyFans would actually take off. I've made $205,361.49. That is more than I have ever made in my life. Calls from Austria, Switzerland, Australia, England. 5 million views. Holy moly. Sorry, my heart is racing right now. I didn't expect to cry.

• 20:44Speaker 03

  There it is. Million dollars in 2020. She's made an astonishing $43 million in earnings over the past year. How much money did you guys make? Like 60K a month. Anywhere from 10 to 20K.

• 21:00Tom Segura?

  So crazy.

• 21:01Speaker 03

  My mom's an OnlyFans model.

• 21:02Speaker 04

  Really? Yeah, she is. What do you think about that? I love it.

• 21:06Speaker 06

  This is my daughter and we are both OnlyFans models. People ask us for little videos of like of us together.

• 21:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, so it's like.

• 21:17Speaker 01

  I'm standing in my kitchen and say, these are my dogs.

• 21:21Tom Segura?

  Hey, pull the mic down a little bit.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  These are my dogs. This is the door that take my dogs out.

• 21:27Tom Segura?

  Chad, why don't you help her?

• 21:30Tom Segura?

  So, huh? No, you could say, these are my dogs.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  What do you mean I can't say? I just say it.

• 21:35Tom Segura?

  I know. I'm saying you could do good morning. You can do, here's my, here are my plans for the day. You can do, you can do, guess what we're doing now? I'm going to the grocery store.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  I'm rehearsing it, but I can't say.

• 21:48Tom Segura?

  No, you don't have to rehearse. I'm giving you examples of things you could do.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  What do you wish me to do?

• 21:53Tom Segura?

  Well, I mean, it's hilarious that you ask because there's so many different lanes you can go down.

• 22:02Tom Segura?

  Here's somebody who just does this.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  Ay. Ay, son dos globos. And in a minute they are going to... You put a needle there and the...

• 22:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but you've got the box.

• 22:15Tom Segura?

  You've got similar...

• 22:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:16Tom Segura?

  You could do that if you wanted.

• 22:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're just leaving money on the table.

• 22:18Tom Segura?

  You don't have to, I'm giving you examples.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  That is true. I can do that.

• 22:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's easy money. You know how much a guy would pay to see that every month?

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Do you see how low in esteem I will be of myself?

• 22:28Tom Segura?

  No.

• 22:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. It's a different world.

• 22:30Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 22:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, she's a schoolteacher. This one's my son's kindergarten teacher.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 22:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:36Tom Segura?

  There's different things you can do.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  You are degrading me.

• 22:51Tom Segura?

  What are you talking about? Why are you keep moving it?

• 22:53Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 22:56Tom Segura?

  I mean, it was perfectly set.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  Tell me.

• 22:58Tom Segura?

  He literally perfectly set it for you. He was like, here you go. It's right there. Okay, see this part?

• 23:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:04Tom Segura?

  Pull from there. No, below, below.

• 23:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Push?

• 23:06Tom Segura?

  Below. Yeah, pull that down. Just down a little bit. There you go. Yeah, so that it's... Your mouth is above it. Okay.

• 23:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Charlie, let me ask you something.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 23:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're gonna wake up tomorrow morning. You're gonna make your coffee. You're gonna eat your pastry. You're gonna stand in your kitchen. And you're gonna fart. Now, hold on. Do you want that fart to just go nowhere? Or do you want to make a million dollars this year?

• 23:27Speaker 01

  No, I want my...

• 23:30Speaker 01

  My secret fart.

• 23:34Tom Segura?

  Look, look, okay. Okay, but hold on, but like, but like, look, she's just...

• 23:40Tom Segura?

  She's just sitting on the couch, okay?

• 23:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I want to make...

• 23:44Tom Segura?

  Look.

• 23:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, money in the bank. Money, money, money.

• 23:50Tom Segura?

  And she's wearing jeans.

• 23:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  You think I just can't believe how disrespectful in your life you have for me to ask me if I want money? Why don't I then become a prostitute when I was a kid?

• 24:05Tom Segura?

  Here's the thing. You don't have to sit in there with your tatas bouncing up and down.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  I'm not going to.

• 24:09Tom Segura?

  Or, or, or...

• 24:10Speaker 01

  But what is your respect?

• 24:12Tom Segura?

  Okay, okay. I was giving you ideas.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  Oh, for a stupid idea.

• 24:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're just brainstorming.

• 24:16Tom Segura?

  It's just brainstorming session.

• 24:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're just brainstorming.

• 24:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is a strategy sesh.

• 24:19Speaker 01

  So this is...

• 24:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're just talking ideas.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Okay, but, yeah.

• 24:26Tom Segura?

  It's pretty cool, right? I mean.

• 24:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're not open to it. How open on a scale of one to 10 are you?

• 24:31Speaker 01

  But do it work?

• 24:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  For OnlyFans?

• 24:34Speaker 01

  One.

• 24:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's something.

• 24:36Tom Segura?

  That's something. I mean, you can do things like.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  You say the things that I can do if I fart.

• 24:41Tom Segura?

  Okay, here's how about this?

• 24:42Speaker 01

  You cannot give me permission. You can do, you can do. No.

• 24:47Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 24:47Speaker 01

  Doesn't make any sense.

• 24:48Tom Segura?

  So, so far, we've covered greeting people in the morning, which is exciting.

• 24:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Easy.

• 24:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah? Hey, good morning. Charo here. Just made my coffee. Hope you're having a great day. People would love to start their day with that message.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:59Tom Segura?

  That's not degrading yourself.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  Am I allowed to answer?

• 25:02Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  The last thing in your life that you should ask your mother is that she would like to be that low.

• 25:09Tom Segura?

  I just said to say good morning.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  But she cannot be a prostitute because she's too old.

• 25:14Tom Segura?

  Okay, you're not listening.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  Then she's going to fart.

• 25:16Tom Segura?

  I. You're not listening.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  By the same amount of money.

• 25:20Tom Segura?

  Okay. What I said was, your video could be, good morning, everyone. Charo here. Hope you're having a great day. I'm enjoying. No, no pedo, no teta slopping.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  And then into where you fart.

• 25:33Tom Segura?

  No. I didn't say that this time. I just said you could just do that.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  Then what am I going to come up with those words? Because you say.

• 25:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's very natural. You just say what you normally would.

• 25:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you don't have to do the pedo.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Well, if I don't have.

• 25:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't move the microphone.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  Ay, ya no sé.

• 25:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, why do you keep moving it?

• 25:49Speaker 01

  Porque me da la gana.

• 25:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Push it down.

• 25:51Tom Segura?

  Now pull it down. Not from there, from the bottom.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Well, why don't you do it?

• 25:55Tom Segura?

  Because you're sitting right in front of it. Just pull it from here. Look, look. Go like that. Pull that down. Here. Not there, not there.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  Why can't you talk nice? Because it gives you the character.

• 26:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you, Chad. I don't, what are you saying? I don't speak Spanish.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 26:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Chad would, Chad likes, you see. It's, it's gentlemen like Chad that would pay to see your OnlyFans content. Nice guys.

• 26:20Tom Segura?

  Okay, you can't do this even? Like.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  Ay, que ya empezaron. Pero qué tal bajesa esto.

• 26:30Tom Segura?

  What? He just waved and gave a thumbs up.

• 26:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is nothing. That's a nothing burger. I've done that on my TikToks, on my Instagrams. It's like, not a big deal.

• 26:40Speaker 01

  You have done that?

• 26:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you do. He's laying down and going, "Hi, what's wrong with this? What's wrong with that?"

• 26:48Speaker 01

  I can't believe you asked me that question because I say-

• 26:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't see anything wrong.

• 26:52Speaker 01

  Well, I was having an impression of you to be honest.

• 26:55Tom Segura?

  I don't understand.

• 26:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't understand. He's just laying there. He's showing us like I'm reclining, I'm enjoying myself.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  Those are the things that put you to sleep or that excite you. A little bit because now that we don't have a, you know, you know, I don't know if you're a man and woman, a day, the day, the thing. Yeah, because that's how it is now.

• 27:13Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 27:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 27:15Tom Segura?

  So you wouldn't, I just want to be clear. For $20,000 a month, you wouldn't say, "Good morning, everyone. Hope you're having a great day."

• 27:21Speaker 01

  I just fart?

• 27:22Tom Segura?

  No, there's, no one is talking about a fart anymore. You just say, "Good morning. I'm having coffee." You wouldn't do that?

• 27:32Speaker 01

  So you pay me $20,000?

• 27:34Tom Segura?

  No, I wouldn't. OnlyFans.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, please.

• 27:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:36Speaker 01

  To say, "Good morning, America."

• 27:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what they want.

• 27:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's what they want. They want good mornings.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  For saying, "Good morning," they pay me $20,000?

• 27:46Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  I can even change sex and names every other week so I can make more.

• 27:51Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  So, "Good morning, America," I'm one person.

• 27:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  "Good morning, America," I'm a different person.

• 27:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 27:58Speaker 01

  And then I pretend that I have a chin that I'm a mo.

• 28:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  What? What's "Litchin and Mamoma"?

• 28:03Speaker 01

  It's a language, please. I don't know.

• 28:05Tom Segura?

  So would you do that?

• 28:07Speaker 01

  For $20,000?

• 28:08Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  What else can I say besides, "Good morning, America"?

• 28:12Tom Segura?

  Uh, "Good night."

• 28:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, it'd be really cool.

• 28:15Tom Segura?

  You do good night messages?

• 28:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  "Hey, I'm having my lunch. This is what I'm having for lunch today. Just a healthy salad. I'm gonna go for my jog."

• 28:21Tom Segura?

  When it's not gonna be. So you could be like, "I'm being a bad girl. I'm having panetton and some chicken fingers and french fries." Yeah.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  The worst part is that's in change.

• 28:30Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 28:31Speaker 01

  It's horrible.

• 28:31Tom Segura?

  If you could move the mic more. Listen, so the, uh-

• 28:36Speaker 01

  I thought I wasn't close.

• 28:38Tom Segura?

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• 29:19Tom Segura?

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• 31:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't touch it, just don't touch it. It's perfectly set for you. And you know why, Charles? We want to see your beautiful face. And if you push it up, they can't see your face.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  My beautiful.

• 31:22Tom Segura?

  Here, let me show you something crazy. You don't have to do this, but look at this guy. Watch this.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  I told me.

• 31:28Tom Segura?

  Hold on.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  No, I won't do it for 40,000. So why should I watch this?

• 31:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is apple juice.

• 31:32Tom Segura?

  You don't even know what it was.

• 31:34Speaker 01

  I saw the beginning. If I a pillow was going to come.

• 31:37Tom Segura?

  No.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  I still am not interested.

• 31:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is just a video. It's nothing to do with.

• 31:42Tom Segura?

  It has nothing to do with OnlyFans. This is just a video I'm showing you.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  What does have to do with me being interested to see how the.

• 31:48Tom Segura?

  But just see what happens. You don't even see what happens. Okay.

• 31:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow. That's gonna make.

• 31:58Tom Segura?

  So that was a gallon jug of pila, of pee. And he just threw it.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  And he make money for doing that?

• 32:08Tom Segura?

  I don't think he does.

• 32:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 32:09Tom Segura?

  No, he just puts videos out.

• 32:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think he can figure out.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  I can imagine, so.

• 32:15Tom Segura?

  He hasn't figured out the commerce part of it. But he's very focused and he's very dedicated.

• 32:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I'll tell you what.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  And doing that?

• 32:21Tom Segura?

  He does peace, the only pee.

• 32:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  But if you did figure out OnlyFans, you're looking at a potential millionaire right there.

• 32:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 32:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just saw a guy make a million dollars.

• 32:28Speaker 01

  I don't envy him. If you're going to make me do such a disgusting scene for a million dollar, I pass.

• 32:35Tom Segura?

  Okay, we're moving on from OnlyFans. And now I'm showing you videos that you tell me whether they make you laugh. You think it's hilarious or whether you think it's not funny at all.

• 32:47Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:48Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  So I go from hilarious to not funny at all?

• 32:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  My betwins.

• 32:52Tom Segura?

  Not really in between. Well, I guess you could kind of say it's kind of funny, but.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:56Tom Segura?

  Here we go.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  I don't understand you. You're asking if this is funny or not funny?

• 33:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, so hold on.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Your brain is not working. Hi Tommy.

• 33:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ow, he has to hit the bike again.

• 33:13Tom Segura?

  So that was horrible.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  Is it anything lower than?

• 33:16Tom Segura?

  No, it's horrible or hilarious?

• 33:18Speaker 01

  No, horribly hilarious.

• 33:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was, I think that was horrible too.

• 33:23Tom Segura?

  That was pretty horrible. I agree. I didn't think it was hilarious. Hopefully this next one is hilarious. Here we go.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Ay, ay, ay!

• 33:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he's paralyzed.

• 33:39Tom Segura?

  Oh, he broke his leg. He broke his leg.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  Ay, qué horror!

• 33:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a guy riding a horse, just so you know, for those listening. His leg is totally sideways.

• 33:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it broke it bad. Well, I guess we're 0 for 2 today.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  Ay, pero Tommy.

• 33:56Tom Segura?

  No, I didn't know that was in there either. I was just showing you what's in the folder.

• 33:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  He doesn't know. It's random.

• 34:00Tom Segura?

  It's totally random.

• 34:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  He doesn't put these together. Our producers do. He's not responsible.

• 34:04Tom Segura?

  Okay, so that one, horrible also.

• 34:06Speaker 01

  Absolutamente horrible.

• 34:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that was bad. That was really bad. Okay, here's the next.

• 34:11Speaker 01

  I forgot. What is it that we're watching?

• 34:13Tom Segura?

  These are clips, and you either say it's horrible or hilarious.

• 34:16Speaker 01

  Ah, okay.

• 34:17Tom Segura?

  Okay, so so far 0 for 2. All horrible. Okay, here we go. Next one.

• 34:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's a woman with a horse. Oh, shit. The horse just kicked her.

• 34:29Tom Segura?

  Horrible. Shit, we're 3 for 3 on horribles today.

• 34:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I kind of liked it, because I kind of hate horses, and I don't like...

• 34:35Speaker 01

  You hate horses?

• 34:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like horses. I don't like horse culture, horse people. I think it's silly to ride them. I think there's, yeah, it's silly. Why would you ride a beast that can just murder you?

• 34:46Speaker 01

  Would you consider going to a psychologist?

• 34:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I already do. It's too late.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  It doesn't work?

• 34:52Tom Segura?

  Here, let's make sure. I want to make sure I saw it. Oh, yeah.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  How could you ask me if it's horrible or funny?

• 34:58Tom Segura?

  Sometimes they're hilarious, so...

• 35:00Speaker 01

  That's true. This is hilarious for Christmas.

• 35:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  But look how hateful that horse is.

• 35:04Tom Segura?

  I know, it's very hateful.

• 35:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're so spiteful and shitty.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  If I was married, I would be scared to watch this. I'd say, well, you know.

• 35:09Tom Segura?

  So so far they gave us 3 horribles. My bet, if I'm a betting man, is that this next one's gonna be absolutely hilarious. Okay?

• 35:18Speaker 01

  That means it's horrible.

• 35:19Tom Segura?

  Well, I think it's gonna be hilarious. Let's hope. Okay, it's Piñata. She's doing the piñata.

• 35:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh-oh, I know where this is going. That lady better move.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Oh, she bent the stick. I don't see anything funny.

• 35:34Tom Segura?

  Wait, did you see what happened?

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Why the poor lady? Why the poor lady volunteered?

• 35:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she was trying to tell her, hey, don't swing yet. But the lady wearing the blindfold didn't know.

• 35:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was really funny.

• 35:46Tom Segura?

  Where not to swing. Here, let's see it again.

• 35:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  It looks like a tire iron. Is that what it's called?

• 35:50Tom Segura?

  See, she's like, she doesn't realize that the piñata's not hanging. She's like, oh, let me, let me grab it.

• 35:58Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 36:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that the word tire iron?

• 36:01Tom Segura?

  Look at the curve on that thing.

• 36:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that a called tire iron?

• 36:03Tom Segura?

  Well, that's not a tire iron, but that is a, such thing as one, yeah.

• 36:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  It looks like a.

• 36:08Tom Segura?

  If it was a tire iron, she would be still on the ground. Yeah, yeah. She would have never gotten up.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  She hit the shit out of that.

• 36:15Tom Segura?

  That was pretty funny.

• 36:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was really funny, yeah.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  How do you get this?

• 36:17Tom Segura?

  Did you give her, did you give that a hilarious or no?

• 36:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  You didn't LOL at all?

• 36:23Speaker 01

  Are you guys don't have the heart?

• 36:27Tom Segura?

  Sometimes you want to take a shit and you don't know how big your shit's gonna be. So if you want all that shit to get off of your ass, make sure you get one of these bidets and spray all the diarrhea and shit.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  I can't, I can't.

• 36:39Tom Segura?

  What? I'm doing it.

• 36:40Speaker 01

  Is this a commercial?

• 36:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  Hi, Tommy, don't bring your mind to talk like that. No, that's not even funny.

• 36:46Tom Segura?

  But it's an advertisement.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  I don't care, then do it with your.

• 36:49Tom Segura?

  Okay, we'll do that one later, we'll do that one later. Okay, you ready?

• 36:51Speaker 01

  Piece of shit for you. Yeah.

• 36:55Tom Segura?

  The diarrhea thing?

• 36:57Speaker 01

  What?

• 36:57Tom Segura?

  If you have diarrhea, there's nothing more upsetting than having shit covered all over the sides of your toilet.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  I told me.

• 37:05Tom Segura?

  I'm in the middle of an diarrhea. You have to, they're paying for it. When you wipe your ass and you smear shit all over.

• 37:12Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, don't go that low.

• 37:14Tom Segura?

  I have to do it.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 37:16Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  No.

• 37:17Tom Segura?

  There's one way.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  I'm not your mother anymore. You're going to start talking like that, Tommy.

• 37:20Tom Segura?

  You're gonna clean the shit off the sides of your ass cheeks, off the inside.

• 37:24Speaker 01

  Your kids are listening to this.

• 37:25Tom Segura?

  Make sure that all the diarrhea that was falling out of your ass, onto the floor and into the toilet stops falling out.

• 37:32Speaker 01

  I can't.

• 37:33Tom Segura?

  It's not just liquid.

• 37:34Speaker 01

  Don't record it, don't record it.

• 37:36Tom Segura?

  All you do is you insert the pill into your.

• 37:39Speaker 01

  I know. I am not.

• 37:42Tom Segura?

  But that's how you do it.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  You don't talk like that in front of me.

• 37:44Tom Segura?

  Go to DPill.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  No.

• 37:46Tom Segura?

  Go to dpill.com/ymh.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Christina, you shouldn't let him do this.

• 37:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, this is, this is the copy.

• 37:51Tom Segura?

  This is the copy.

• 37:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  He didn't, I swear God, this is the agency.

• 37:54Tom Segura?

  Go to dpill.com/ymh to make sure your toilet is never filled with that horrible, horrible shit and inserting it rectally.

• 38:01Speaker 01

  You don't allow him to do this.

• 38:02Tom Segura?

  This is our sponsor.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  No, there is, what is sponsor is here?

• 38:05Tom Segura?

  DPill.

• 38:06Speaker 01

  DPill?

• 38:07Tom Segura?

  Yes, it's for diarrhea.

• 38:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look, how do you think we're gonna pay for your new washer dryer?

• 38:11Speaker 01

  With the money for the DPill?

• 38:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, they're paying us to read this copy.

• 38:16Tom Segura?

  By the way, I like how you lobbed that in there. You're like, hey, can I get a washer dryer?

• 38:19Speaker 01

  Okay, where was I?

• 38:20Tom Segura?

  I gotta go put in a DPill, cuz they told me I have to actually have the experience.

• 38:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I gotta go too, I gotta go home.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  So do you know where I'm going?

• 38:27Tom Segura?

  I don't know where you're going.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  It was in there.

• 38:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's exhausting.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  Exhausting.

• 38:31Tom Segura?

  You guys are on your own on that.

• 38:34Speaker 01

  That's it, Tommy.

• 38:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love you.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  Tommy, Tommy, no, wait a minute. How about my Christina, I need the money. Do I think this is hilarious?

• 38:42Tom Segura?

  No.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  No? I told you, you are my son.

• 38:46Tom Segura?

  Okay, let's do the last one. This one, if I know these guys, they've been just throwing curveballs at us in there, and they gave us some horrible stuff, and the last one's gonna be the funniest thing we've ever seen. That's what I think's gonna happen. Here we go.

• 39:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's a guy skiing, right? He's standing and then he gets.

• 39:07Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 39:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Somebody behind him knocks him clear over.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  I don't see that.

• 39:11Tom Segura?

  You didn't see that? So the guy that's standing here?

• 39:13Speaker 01

  I saw that.

• 39:14Tom Segura?

  Okay, he's standing, and here, I'll put it here.

• 39:17Speaker 01

  And they knock him out of the end.

• 39:18Tom Segura?

  There's somebody sliding behind him, and he doesn't know that.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  Oh, I didn't either.

• 39:22Tom Segura?

  See, look. See it there?

• 39:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:25Tom Segura?

  And he doesn't realize he's about to get hit right here. Do you now see it?

• 39:30Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 39:30Tom Segura?

  Okay, and then he hits him at such a speed.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 39:35Tom Segura?

  That he does a full flip and lands on his head.

• 39:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, they're all laughing. See?

• 39:43Speaker 01

  I really, that people have mental problems in this world now.

• 39:47Tom Segura?

  These guys have influenced us in a very negative way, the guys in the booth. Because the show used to be a lot nicer before we hired them.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  Why did you hire this?

• 39:58Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I think about it a lot.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  Why can't you cancel them?

• 40:01Tom Segura?

  I'm trying to cancel them, yeah.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  I helped you.

• 40:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they're very.

• 40:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, we wanted to show nice things.

• 40:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we used to always, and then they would throw, they would always mislead us and do this stuff.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  I don't get it. What did they, how did they mislead them?

• 40:17Tom Segura?

  What was that?

• 40:18Speaker 01

  Thank you. How they, how did they, how did they don't remember?

• 40:24Tom Segura?

  What? How did they mislead me?

• 40:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 40:27Tom Segura?

  I would say I want to show nice videos. I want to see sailboats. You know, I want to see, yeah, people on swings and like fun stuff. And then they would put these things in my folder and things like this, so. It's usually the three guys you see there.

• 40:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:50Tom Segura?

  I don't know. They kind of got us by the balls now.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  Get a fresh coffee.

• 40:53Tom Segura?

  You want another coffee?

• 40:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why don't you drink that one? She, I just brought you.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  I'm going to drink this while she bring me the other one.

• 41:00Tom Segura?

  Sure, yeah, we can do another coffee.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  No, don't tell us all about that.

• 41:03Tom Segura?

  No, I'm not, I just.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  How does she know that you want me to get?

• 41:06Tom Segura?

  I'm just saying it and they're hearing us.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  The world told me.

• 41:09Tom Segura?

  They can hear from the microphone. They know, they know.

• 41:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you find funny? You know, we were watching Notting Hill the other night at the house. And your mother did laugh.

• 41:21Speaker 01

  I love it. I love it.

• 41:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  She LOL'd pretty hard.

• 41:24Tom Segura?

  At Notting Hill?

• 41:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and.

• 41:26Tom Segura?

  What's that again?

• 41:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like a romantic comedy with Hugh Grant.

• 41:29Tom Segura?

  Oh, that movie is cute, though. It's a cute movie.

• 41:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is cute, but I don't know if I ever LOL.

• 41:34Tom Segura?

  Like laugh out loud in that?

• 41:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  She really was laughing hard.

• 41:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I used to think that, that like, I used to think you guys were retarded. When I would walk past the living room and I would hear you guys laughing at sitcoms. I'd be like, my family's fully retarded.

• 41:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:49Tom Segura?

  You guys would laugh at like Friends. And like this shit that's on, like, who laughs at this? They laugh at it, yeah.

• 41:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I'm just saying, maybe we don't share a sensibility of what's funny, maybe, with the horrible or hilarious.

• 42:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is fine, you know, we can't be the same person.

• 42:06Speaker 01

  You think that you two are hilarious?

• 42:08Tom Segura?

  Well, I mean.

• 42:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know.

• 42:10Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I think I have a good sense of humor.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that makes you.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  You have a good sense of humor.

• 42:16Tom Segura?

  Right, so I.

• 42:16Speaker 01

  That's what I mean, you are hilarious.

• 42:18Tom Segura?

  No, it doesn't mean I'm hilarious, but I think the things I laugh at are I'm I have a better sense of humor than people who don't laugh at the things I like. I'm a superior laugher. I have a higher.

• 42:29Speaker 01

  That's true. That is true.

• 42:30Tom Segura?

  Sensibility for it.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  That's true. If you laugh, even we don't know what he's laughing about, we are all laughing. All.

• 42:37Tom Segura?

  We're all laughing.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  All laughing.

• 42:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 42:40Tom Segura?

  But also, I mean, that's just how I think everybody thinks about themselves, right?

• 42:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right, everybody thinks.

• 42:45Tom Segura?

  We all think the way I'm thinking about it.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  I'm lost now.

• 42:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're the smartest and the best.

• 42:48Speaker 01

  I'm looking at this, this guy in this key. Why in the world are we talking about pilots?

• 42:52Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I don't know. It just kind of the conversation just went there. But I found something that I think will make you laugh.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  Okay, because this is not funny.

• 42:59Tom Segura?

  This is not. Okay, here about how about this one?

• 43:02Tom Segura?

  This guy's on a roller coaster.

• 43:07Tom Segura?

  He passes out. And then he wakes up.

• 43:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so dangerous.

• 43:13Speaker 01

  What?

• 43:15Tom Segura?

  And that passes out again.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  Ay, Tommy. This is funny for you?

• 43:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're not laughing.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  It's this though.

• 43:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is terrifying.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  In a helicopter?

• 43:27Tom Segura?

  Roller coaster.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 43:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  A helicopter.

• 43:30Tom Segura?

  Not a helicopter.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I thought it was stupid.

• 43:34Tom Segura?

  You didn't like that either?

• 43:35Speaker 01

  No, I, I, I. Why do you waste your time in doing things that doesn't make any sense? What is funny about this?

• 43:43Tom Segura?

  Just to see somebody screaming and passing out?

• 43:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, because I mean, I am worst. You put me there, you don't come back.

• 43:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I'm surprised. That's good that he stayed in there.

• 43:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  The roller coaster.

• 43:54Tom Segura?

  That's how guys check on each other.

• 43:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's really loving, I know.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  I have to tell you one thing.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  It bothers me to think that they put the people upside down in this, right?

• 44:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  And then it's supposed to be funny.

• 44:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's supposed to be a thrill, like exciting.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  I did a lot less and I was only 50 years younger, no kidding, no, actually more.

• 44:18Tom Segura?

  Thank you, Heather.

• 44:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  Thank you so much.

• 44:21Tom Segura?

  Don't forget to get that next one just ready to brew and going here. Yeah, we're talking, you're talking about how you don't think roller coasters are

• 44:30Speaker 01

  I know, no.

• 44:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't really like them either. Hurts my head and stuff.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  But that's a schedule?

• 44:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's, I don't like it. I, I don't, I don't like it. The older I get, I'm not, I, I don't like it.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  I don't like it either.

• 44:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think, I think life's scary enough. I don't need to be like a thrill seeker. Like I, I'm scared of every day. Like I go to the doctors and I'm like, oh shit.

• 44:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm scared.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  Well.

• 44:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know?

• 44:58Speaker 01

  We have reasons. After you had a mother and a wife of not exactly the easiest husband.

• 45:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Thank you for acknowledging that.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  And only acknowledging, I admire you.

• 45:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  I truly admire you.

• 45:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's wrong with him? What do you think?

• 45:11Speaker 01

  I think, I think he should go to a psychiatrist.

• 45:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  And he, he, let me tell you the things that I think ones are really positive, some are negative. What do you want first?

• 45:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Positives.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  Okay. Extremely generous.

• 45:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very generous.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  I mean, in general, great friend.

• 45:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  Excellence, but.

• 45:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very strong.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  No, it's excellent. You are his wife, pero he's no excellent wife, he's excellent husband.

• 45:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  De qué estamos hablando?

• 45:50Tom Segura?

  You are saying positive and negative qualities about me?

• 45:54Speaker 01

  Why are you here?

• 45:55Tom Segura?

  Why am I here?

• 45:58Speaker 01

  I'm talking to Christina, Tommy.

• 46:00Tom Segura?

  I was giving you the reminder of, you said, what were we talking about?

• 46:03Speaker 01

  You know, all of a sudden, I got the impression

• 46:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 46:07Speaker 01

  that you and I were dead and he showed up.

• 46:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. You forgot he was here?

• 46:13Speaker 01

  I was like this, as you and me talking. And then all of a sudden, you're great.

• 46:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm very, I'm very engaging.

• 46:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you are. You're so dynamic.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  Que tal capacity?

• 46:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, what were you gonna say? What, what could Tom work on?

• 46:27Speaker 01

  What could Tom work on?

• 46:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  As a human being, like what can he work on?

• 46:31Speaker 01

  Well, he's a good comedian.

• 46:32Tom Segura?

  No, she's saying, what are the negative qualities that I could address to be better?

• 46:36Speaker 01

  Well, if he's, if he's, if he's better than is bad.

• 46:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:41Speaker 01

  If he's bad is not, if he's bad is not called quality for some.

• 46:44Tom Segura?

  Okay. Well, I said negative quality.

• 46:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, negative.

• 46:48Tom Segura?

  Characteristic.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 46:51Tom Segura?

  I'd love to hear this. This is very exciting.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  Okay, I honestly don't have any idea what was the question.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  Hello?

• 47:03Tom Segura?

  Hello?

• 47:07Tom Segura?

  Okay. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. My friend Will Blunderfield, he put out a video that they sent in, asked us to review. So we're just gonna take a look at that for a second, okay?

• 47:18Speaker 01

  To review to see if you are...

• 47:19Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I don't know what it is yet. I don't know.

• 47:22Speaker 05

  And I'm just fingering my stink portal and kind of sniffing it every few minutes. And really just coming into what we call the million dollar point, which is actually technically right...

• 47:33Speaker 01

  Wait, wait, wait. I thought you were going to tell me about you, if you were funny or no?

• 47:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, this is our friend Will. He lives in Canada.

• 47:39Tom Segura?

  He teaches men how to like get more comfortable with themselves and like he encourages you to like put your fingers like in your anus and in your testicles.

• 47:48Speaker 01

  I know, I mean, respect to...

• 47:50Tom Segura?

  It's not for you, though. It's just for the audience.

• 47:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is for men.

• 47:53Speaker 01

  I am part of the audience.

• 47:55Tom Segura?

  You're not the audience. You're one of the hosts, actually.

• 47:57Speaker 01

  That's the worst part. I had to watch this guy.

• 47:59Speaker 05

  The stink portal between the dragon pearls and the portal, closer to the stink portal is the million dollar point. It's the external pressure point for what we call the walnut, AKA the prostate gland.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  I can't, kill it fast.

• 48:13Tom Segura?

  We're just trying to learn.

• 48:14Speaker 05

  What you can do is simply circularly stimulate it with your middle finger.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, you're not watching me.

• 48:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's wrong?

• 48:22Tom Segura?

  What's going on?

• 48:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not doing anything bad.

• 48:25Speaker 01

  That is lack of respect for...

• 48:27Tom Segura?

  Okay, okay.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  Skip this stupid...

• 48:29Tom Segura?

  Skip that, okay.

• 48:30Speaker 01

  I really don't like it.

• 48:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 48:31Tom Segura?

  All right, um, here.

• 48:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom? That's on a... Oh dude, why is he...

• 48:40Speaker 01

  He's vomiting?

• 48:40Tom Segura?

  He's vomiting, yeah.

• 48:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  On that guy?

• 48:43Speaker 01

  I really...

• 48:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  Is this... Are you testing me if I'm stupid?

• 48:49Tom Segura?

  No, we're just looking at the different things that come in. These all come in like in a...

• 48:53Speaker 01

  You asked me if I'm...

• 48:54Tom Segura?

  No, that's over.

• 48:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I ask you something, Tom? Is this like a fetish video where the guy's voluntarily lying down?

• 48:59Tom Segura?

  It's a hazing.

• 49:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, like a fraternity?

• 49:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  So this is what's happening on the schools these days. This is why we're...

• 49:06Tom Segura?

  They go, "I want to join your thing." And then they go, "Well, we have to vomit on you first to let you into our group." Yeah, that's what's happening.

• 49:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what it is.

• 49:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 49:15Speaker 01

  And the kids are so stupid that they accepted.

• 49:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's how bad they want to be in the group.

• 49:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is a current event show. So, no, this is just a current event segment of the show. This is what people are doing. So we like to comment on what's happening in the world.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  God.

• 49:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think this is bad?

• 49:30Speaker 01

  I can see that the world is sending and we are like in the taps on the, you know, when Covid started.

• 49:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  All for the people in China. We watched it like an event that police people.

• 49:40Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  Now we have everything happening in here between the fires and the floods and earthquakes.

• 49:48Tom Segura?

  You know that our, our, um, our last house that we lived in burned down?

• 49:53Speaker 01

  Completely. I know about a hundred people.

• 49:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, I just have to say, and I know we haven't talked about it yet, but you know, I, I, I haven't even been able to scroll anything other than the fire stuff on TikTok. It's been devastating and I feel like it's like a movie I'm watching. It's not even real because we're not there anymore. So I can't walk through the city.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  It's the hardest thing in the world.

• 50:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just devastating and the Palisades was my dream, our dream come true.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  I remember.

• 50:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was our dream, especially I grew up in the San Fernando Valley shitty little apartment with my mom, all immigrants. And I only dreamed of living somewhere as beautiful as the Palisades. And then we got that house and I was like, I have made it. And even in the back of my mind.

• 50:37Speaker 01

  You could read you.

• 50:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was gorgeous.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Absolutely gorgeous. I agree.

• 50:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  But now there's not even the hope of going back. There is no there.

• 50:45Speaker 01

  It's a memory that you have with you. That's all.

• 50:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I just, my heart goes out to everybody, obviously, that's affected.

• 50:51Speaker 01

  I pray for these people and for all these events. You know what scares me really? I really feel this is not funny that we're coming to the end of the world.

• 51:00Tom Segura?

  You feel like that for real?

• 51:01Speaker 01

  I swear I feel like that.

• 51:02Tom Segura?

  Why do you think we're coming to the end of the world though?

• 51:04Speaker 01

  Tommy, thinking all the things that are happening in the world.

• 51:06Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  We have an earthquake and it was in Japan.

• 51:10Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 51:11Speaker 01

  But you guys don't watch the news?

• 51:12Tom Segura?

  Sometimes.

• 51:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  TikTok.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  Well, watch.

• 51:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'm too wrapped up in LA. The last five days I've been glued.

• 51:18Speaker 01

  No, no, this was seven point nine and I think in Japan.

• 51:23Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  I mean, everything that we watch is, yes.

• 51:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry, before I forget, though, you guys, we are raising money to help Angelenos with our T-shirt. You can get it at YMHstudios.com. All proceeds go-

• 51:35Tom Segura?

  Store dot YMHstudios dot com. It all goes to the California Fire Foundation. That, people always ask, how's the money attributed? It goes to firefighters and people affected in the community. So, the people, the very people that are the first responders. Cal Fire Foundation is a nonprofit, and the money goes to that organization, which dispenses it to firefighters, their families, and the communities that they serve. So, it's a pretty cool community. Obviously, the efforts that are going to be needed to rebuild Los Angeles, you're looking at probably a decade.

• 52:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  At least.

• 52:14Tom Segura?

  But it's one of those things where every little bit counts. You don't have to get a shirt. You can go straight to Cal Fire Foundation if you want to. You can donate directly. You could also donate clothing. You can donate goods, perishable goods. There's all types of places that are accepting it. In Altadena and Pasadena, by the way, which is on the eastern side of Los Angeles, where they had the Eaton Fire, they've been greatly, greatly affected, too. A lot of people might not know that that community is a lot of people living paycheck to paycheck. It's, uh, there's, a lot of people don't know how the different neighborhoods shape out. I would also add that

• 52:53Tom Segura?

  people in the Palisades who might not be living paycheck to paycheck are also deeply traumatized and horrified by the fact that they lost everything. And, you know, it's however you want to view it, but they all need help, so.

• 53:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, not, there, you look, there's those people that have been living in the Palisades for 20, 30, 40 years, too, and it's not just rich assholes that are affected by this. Schools have burned down. It's just, it's, can you imagine being a kid?

• 53:17Speaker 01

  They're racing.

• 53:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  You lose your home and your school in one day. It's just alarming. It's, and it's, ugh, I'm too upset. I don't want to fucking talk about it anymore.

• 53:26Tom Segura?

  Very troubling. That being said, it's probably a-

• 53:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  By the way, at the time we're recording this, LA is still on fire, just so people know, and I don't know what it's gonna look like when this airs.

• 53:37Tom Segura?

  I really hope that by this release date, it is not, but, yeah. Charo, let's show you some stuff that hopefully puts a smile on your face, okay?

• 53:45Speaker 01

  Okay. I mean, don't discuss me, huh?

• 53:54Speaker 01

  But why do you disrespect me like this?

• 53:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  What? We don't know what we're gonna play.

• 53:58Tom Segura?

  I don't know what this is.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  How can you don't say we have respect for my mouse? Check it out.

• 54:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  We gotta fire somebody today because this is on this team.

• 54:07Speaker 01

  I agree with you.

• 54:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, who do we fire first? Look at their faces. This is, I'm so sorry, you're right. This is very disrespectful. We did not okay these videos. Josh, are you responsible for this?

• 54:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah, who's getting canned?

• 54:22Tom Segura?

  Well, can you put yourself on the screen? There you go. You can see them on this screen.

• 54:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which one of you put these videos in front of my mother-in-law? I want answers.

• 54:29Tom Segura?

  Who's the guy in the hat in the back? Is that Tanner? Yeah. Hold on. Put him on the screen. Wave Tanner. Do you mean to fire him?

• 54:37Speaker 01

  I want to see his face to see if he lies.

• 54:40Tom Segura?

  Well, okay. Let's see his face.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  Okay, I'll be. Look at me, please.

• 54:45Tom Segura?

  Can you get closer to the camera, Tanner?

• 54:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he looks like a liar.

• 54:49Speaker 01

  Hi, Tanner. Come closer.

• 54:51Tom Segura?

  Closer, Tanner.

• 54:52Speaker 01

  I think he's scared of me.

• 54:53Tom Segura?

  Maybe. He doesn't want to lose his job, mom.

• 54:55Speaker 01

  Okay, you won't lose your job.

• 54:56Tom Segura?

  Okay. Do you mean to fire him?

• 54:57Speaker 01

  Okay, what is my question first?

• 54:59Tom Segura?

  Do you want to fire him? Do you want me to fire him?

• 55:00Speaker 01

  Well, I don't know what he did.

• 55:01Tom Segura?

  He got some of these videos ready.

• 55:03Speaker 01

  Oh. No, but don't fire him, but you should give him a word.

• 55:07Tom Segura?

  Give him a warning? All right. Consider this your warning. Sit back down.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  But give him a 30 days, no?

• 55:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  How dare you disrespect?

• 55:14Tom Segura?

  Okay, you have a 30-day warning. I don't know what that is. There's any? See? You see any right there? You remember any waving? Yeah. You mean to fire him?

• 55:24Speaker 01

  No.

• 55:25Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay.

• 55:26Speaker 01

  Why would you fire him? Thanks, Charles. No, I would never do that to you. I appreciate you, Charles. Tell me what is wrong with you.

• 55:32Tom Segura?

  I was giving you the option.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  Why would I fire him?

• 55:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because he's responsible.

• 55:36Tom Segura?

  He works on the team, too.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  No, no, no. He didn't mean it.

• 55:38Tom Segura?

  What about Josh in the middle? He's Jewish. Do you want me to get rid of him?

• 55:41Speaker 01

  I know.

• 55:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  No. Nobody gets fired.

• 55:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, but guys, next time, let's be a little more respectful of my mother-in-law, please.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  I want to know first why you said that we are firing him.

• 55:52Tom Segura?

  You asked who got this and you said, shouldn't they have a little more respect? And then I said to you, how about I show you the guys that prepared everything and you can fire somebody?

• 56:00Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. No, I'm not going to fire anyone.

• 56:02Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay. That would have been great.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, that is our fault, though, Charles. Sorry. We prepped those videos.

• 56:07Tom Segura?

  Ahead of time, we we forgot that you were coming in. That's our bad. Sorry about that. Oh, so sweet.

• 56:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're very sweet. They love you. They didn't know.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  They love me, but they really are nice.

• 56:18Tom Segura?

  In the video, sometimes you can't really tell at a glance. This looks like it's it's like an extension of the hair.

• 56:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 56:24Tom Segura?

  Look up. It kind of looks like sometimes that it's your hair.

• 56:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's so cool. Well, this is 100% squirrel, which is very tricky.

• 56:32Tom Segura?

  How many squirrels did they have to?

• 56:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  This costs. Is that your phone?

• 56:36Tom Segura?

  That is her phone. Yeah, that's an old person's phone ring.

• 56:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You want to put that on on quiet?

• 56:41Speaker 01

  Depends if he's in love or not.

• 56:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is made out of 100% Texas squirrel, and they had to catch about 500 squirrels to make this.

• 56:50Tom Segura?

  Can you believe that?

• 56:53Tom Segura?

  They they caught 500 squirrels, like in from the trees, to make this jacket for her.

• 56:58Speaker 01

  This is not.

• 56:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is Texas squirrel.

• 57:00Speaker 01

  OK, this is not even funny, even.

• 57:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 57:03Tom Segura?

  No, we have an over. We have an overabundance of squirrels here. We have a squirrel problem. So they're letting people shoot squirrels out of trees.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  I am moving from the United States.

• 57:13Tom Segura?

  Oh, I swear to you. It's a huge problem. You can even. Here's the thing. They they used to let you only do it with a bow and arrow. And then they said.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  I know.

• 57:20Tom Segura?

  No, no, I'm telling you that.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  And you buy that jacket?

• 57:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, it supports the Texas economy.

• 57:24Tom Segura?

  Now they're letting people hit stab them with knives and throw rocks. I'm serious. Well, I'm telling you.

• 57:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're telling you the truth.

• 57:31Tom Segura?

  This is a squirrel problem in this. They are tearing up people's gardens, and the resources for the squirrels are out of control right now. It's really crazy.

• 57:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  And their meat is not very good. It's very gamey, so we're not taking away food from the homeless or anything like that.

• 57:47Tom Segura?

  It's just the squirrels alone for this.

• 57:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  Can I talk?

• 57:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isn't that crazy?

• 57:51Speaker 01

  I love squirrels.

• 57:53Tom Segura?

  You do?

• 57:54Speaker 01

  I.

• 57:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why? They're such menaces.

• 57:57Speaker 01

  I don't know what you are, pero they are no menaces, whatever menaces is.

• 58:01Tom Segura?

  They're like villains. They're like the villains of the suburb of suburbia.

• 58:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, they are.

• 58:05Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 58:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  They steal those nuts from the other creatures.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  So how do you want him to survive, huh?

• 58:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  But making jackets, they need to be-

• 58:13Speaker 01

  So you kill them for them to survive? You're brilliant.

• 58:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, we have to kill them to keep the population down. They're rascals.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  I saw you told me that.

• 58:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, their fur is nice. So these are all the tails.

• 58:26Speaker 01

  Ay, Cristina.

• 58:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  They just use the tail and then I throw away the body, because who cares?

• 58:31Speaker 01

  What?

• 58:31Tom Segura?

  You know what they kind of are, though?

• 58:33Speaker 01

  Are you trying to be funny?

• 58:34Tom Segura?

  No, here's the thing, though.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  Because this is not funny.

• 58:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not funny.

• 58:37Tom Segura?

  These are the gypsies of the animal kingdom.

• 58:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  True story.

• 58:40Tom Segura?

  You know how when you see a gypsy, you're like, oh, he can sing, he can dance? And then you realize, where did my wallet go?

• 58:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:45Tom Segura?

  It's kind of like a squirrel.

• 58:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  They taunt our, our dogs, they taunt your cats.

• 58:51Speaker 01

  I know, they steal the food from the birds.

• 58:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  I still love them.

• 58:55Tom Segura?

  Look how many jackets you're like swinging by right now. I see-

• 58:59Speaker 01

  Made out of squirrels?

• 59:00Tom Segura?

  Well, I'm saying, I'm scrolling this, I'm thinking of jackets and jackets and jackets that they're gonna make.

• 59:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  We gotta get into this business.

• 59:05Speaker 01

  You have the worst mentality.

• 59:08Tom Segura?

  Me?

• 59:08Speaker 01

  Tommy, you are becoming extremely materialistic.

• 59:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 59:12Tom Segura?

  Why?

• 59:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think so.

• 59:14Speaker 01

  He's already thinking that we can sell, that we can-

• 59:17Tom Segura?

  Make jackets.

• 59:18Speaker 01

  Make jackets.

• 59:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he's an environmentalist.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  Es un environmentalista, he's a criminal.

• 59:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean-

• 59:25Speaker 01

  He wants to get rid of the-

• 59:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look, he was one of those menacing little critters right now.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  Oh, me muero.

• 59:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's, that's the exact squirrel we have problems with, that this particular breed. See, now you want a jacket. I can get you a jacket.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  No, thanks. But you can bring me a squirrel. Look, he's holding a gun.

• 59:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 59:48Tom Segura?

  It's a Texan squirrel.

• 59:49Speaker 01

  Funny story.

• 59:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's trying to fight us.

• 59:51Speaker 01

  Have we talked about the cruise?

• 59:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we did. So, um-

• 59:54Speaker 01

  We did?

• 59:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  We did.

• 59:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we did this already. So-

• 59:57Speaker 01

  I just, the only thing happening in my head again is like, can we talk about Hawaii? I still remember.

• 1:00:03Tom Segura?

  Everybody remembers. You know what I think you would like?

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  A drink. Well, I am not alcoholic.

• 1:00:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're not.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  No, no, but I do remember that every time I come to the show-

• 1:00:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  I look like an alcoholic, because I watched it, I watched five shows and look at wow.

• 1:00:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody says that. Nobody says that.

• 1:00:23Speaker 01

  You guys are feeding me and feeding me to see this look honey. That's not honey.

• 1:00:28Tom Segura?

  That's not honey?

• 1:00:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's not honey.

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:00:30Tom Segura?

  What's not honey?

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  The opposite of serious.

• 1:00:34Tom Segura?

  Is honey?

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  Funny.

• 1:00:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Matt, Charo, may I ask you a personal question? It's respectful. It is with all respect. You're a player of bridge. You loved playing bridge back in Florida. And when you came to Texas, I offered to find you a bridge opportunity to go play with other people and stuff. And then I sent you an opportunity today to go play at a bridge club, and you declined. Why did you decline?

• 1:01:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can tell the truth.

• 1:01:14Speaker 01

  I'm telling the truth. The truth is, you know, this is a really hard stage right now for me.

• 1:01:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  Because it's been 20 some more years in one place. The only, you know, the light here that really make me all do is for the two of you and my kids, my babies. But it's a hard change at my age.

• 1:01:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  And the place I lived the longer since I got married was Vero. And Vero is very small town. You know, you take my left and go straight, that's my church. I live out here. Go to my right, the drive on O'Neal, that means it's my bridge and the cemetery. So this is wonderful, but I want to tell you, you guys couldn't be more generous, more loving, more caring. And I really feel like I'm my family and I have moved because I went from one side of my family to the other one. And I never spent time with you guys. And you gave us not only a dream, but an impossible thing to have more at my age, having this

• 1:02:17Speaker 01

  private, whatever you want to call it, even cost you money or it doesn't, it was so much love. It was, excuse me. You guys gave me coffee, wine, and water.

• 1:02:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:30Speaker 01

  Which one should I choose?

• 1:02:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Back to the bridge. You, can I, may I just, may I, you wrote back and you said, "This bridge is a social club." I play for money.

• 1:02:41Speaker 01

  No, I pay to play. I don't play for money.

• 1:02:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  You pay to play?

• 1:02:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:48Speaker 01

  Yes, it's a club. And if you want to play, you have to pay. And my club was ten dollars each time I go to play. I don't win anything. If I play really well, I might get half of a point. But since I lost my husband, which means three years ago, I was a decent player. Since then, well, I didn't play for over a year. But since then, I haven't gotten anything, got a point.

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  You don't practice it for a few years. It's hard at my age. Everything is hard at my age.

• 1:03:19Tom Segura?

  You're old as shit. You're eighty years old.

• 1:03:21Speaker 01

  Well, how old are you that you pretend that you're a baby? You're not a teenager.

• 1:03:25Tom Segura?

  I'm thirty-three.

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  You're not thirty-three.

• 1:03:28Tom Segura?

  Thirty-four in April.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  Okay, I am going to be seventy-eight. No, excuse me. I'm sixty-eight.

• 1:03:36Tom Segura?

  You're gonna be sixty-eight?

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  Wait till you see me after this. I want to make it public. Public. That he offered me to pay me to make the male look like the ninety-two.

• 1:03:53Tom Segura?

  What?

• 1:03:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  I don't know. But I am going to do a thing.

• 1:03:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You want to get filler?

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  A filler.

• 1:03:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I told you I found a doctor, but you can't just go to some nickel and dime place and get filler.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  No, it's not nickel and diamond. Excuse me.

• 1:04:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  You have to go to a reputable plastic surgeon.

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, but not because I want to postpone it.

• 1:04:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. She just wants to get a quick fix. There's no quick fix.

• 1:04:13Tom Segura?

  Did you get any injections already? Did you do anything?

• 1:04:15Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:04:16Tom Segura?

  How'd it go?

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  She didn't have time for me.

• 1:04:19Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  But no, that's not the story. She told me she can do both of, but only in two areas. I didn't ask her the reason. I suspected the itch or whatever. And that she cannot do anything else because it's my appointment.

• 1:04:33Speaker 01

  So she did a bottle, which is kind of stupid to be honest.

• 1:04:35Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  I can't remember where.

• 1:04:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah. You don't remember where?

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  I don't remember if she did it here or here.

• 1:04:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Probably your forehead.

• 1:04:42Speaker 01

  It was here, I remember now. That's the story, but you owe me, wait a minute, you owe me a lot of money.

• 1:04:50Speaker 01

  And I want to make it public and I want you to affirm, not like one time, hey, I'm talking to you.

• 1:04:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah, no, hey.

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:04:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jesus, Joe Pesci over there.

• 1:04:59Speaker 01

  Hey, hey, hey, hey, years ago.

• 1:05:01Tom Segura?

  Years, oh, it was going to years ago, okay.

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  Well, I don't know, two years, a year and a half.

• 1:05:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  But we agree, I forgot.

• 1:05:09Tom Segura?

  So, um, you know that people are also getting filler in their buttholes and in their vagina?

• 1:05:14Speaker 01

  Ah, no.

• 1:05:14Tom Segura?

  In their vaginas?

• 1:05:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, okay, Tommy.

• 1:05:15Tom Segura?

  They're putting them in their vaginas.

• 1:05:16Speaker 01

  Safe.

• 1:05:17Tom Segura?

  They are putting filler.

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  I'm getting out, you don't talk to me, I am still your mother, so please respect.

• 1:05:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  What about, hold on, I understand you're saying.

• 1:05:26Speaker 01

  That's invulgar, eh?

• 1:05:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, no, what about a breast, a breast enhancement? Would you consider getting a boob job?

• 1:05:33Speaker 01

  Me?

• 1:05:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here's the thing, I know you don't like wearing a bra.

• 1:05:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can get implants so that you don't even have to wear a bra.

• 1:05:43Speaker 01

  This is way too funny.

• 1:05:45Tom Segura?

  She liked it.

• 1:05:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  But if you get implants, you can put a mesh in there.

• 1:05:48Speaker 01

  I don't laugh when I like, I only did laughing, we smiling, no, ha, ha, ha, this is funny. But also my, that, that woman have two balloons hanging in there.

• 1:05:56Tom Segura?

  Those are her tittas.

• 1:05:58Speaker 01

  Impossible.

• 1:05:59Tom Segura?

  They are.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  Okay, they can to lift the shirt.

• 1:06:01Tom Segura?

  She can lift that shirt.

• 1:06:02Speaker 01

  Well, they had to do it.

• 1:06:03Tom Segura?

  I don't have her number.

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  Because nobody have two tittas in the shape of a balloon without the.

• 1:06:08Tom Segura?

  Those are her tittas, mom.

• 1:06:09Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, think I you're blind. Okay, that's it?

• 1:06:14Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:06:16Tom Segura?

  She has size forty P jugs.

• 1:06:19Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:06:20Tom Segura?

  And then she can make them clap by doing this. She's trying to promote her OnlyFans account and attract more fans. Yeah.

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  You pay to watch it, don't you?

• 1:06:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:06:30Tom Segura?

  You pay for more access, you can see them without the shirt.

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  I think we really are losing anything in this world. I, I, you think it's funny.

• 1:06:36Tom Segura?

  No, no.

• 1:06:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  We don't laugh.

• 1:06:38Tom Segura?

  Here's one thing that I do think is, this is, this is something I think is funny, so...

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  Everything you think is funny, as long as it's disgusting, it's filthy, it's insulting.

• 1:06:47Tom Segura?

  So we encourage, this is her, mom, so you can see that her chest is really her chest.

• 1:06:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow. Oh, wow, those are peacups. That's enormous.

• 1:06:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's her, that's her chest.

• 1:06:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  That's her still?

• 1:07:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she's got them.

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  Ay, you're wrong.

• 1:07:05Tom Segura?

  Well, she's got a bra on.

• 1:07:06Speaker 01

  Tommy, that's not, that's...

• 1:07:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  But look, but look how much people love it, fire, fire emoji, fire. I love all your videos and pictures.

• 1:07:13Tom Segura?

  Oh, so sexy.

• 1:07:13Speaker 01

  You know what that tells you?

• 1:07:15Tom Segura?

  What?

• 1:07:15Speaker 01

  That people are mean.

• 1:07:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, they love her. It's not mean.

• 1:07:19Tom Segura?

  What do you mean?

• 1:07:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're being sincere.

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  What do they tell her, they dance, they jump?

• 1:07:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  She looks great.

• 1:07:23Tom Segura?

  No, so sexy, they love it, your videos or pictures are, are amazing, I love them.

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  Well, it's a nice, nice public, whatever it's called.

• 1:07:31Tom Segura?

  Okay, so, we encourage people, mom, to go to Starbucks and go to the drive-thru, okay?

• 1:07:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:40Tom Segura?

  And order your coffee in a British accent, okay? And then to tell the person that works at Starbucks, happy birthday. Uh, these are Americans generally doing this, so they're not Brits, but they're pretending to be British. And what we've asked them to do is record yourself saying, hello, love, uh, let me get a coffee and you look lovely and happy birthday. And then send us the video and, cause we did it and we had fun doing it, so we have asked people to do it and now they're doing it, okay? So that's what you're gonna see.

• 1:08:12Speaker 06

  Hi. Hello, love. I'm seventeen, how are you today? I'm doing all right, how are you doing, love? Excellent, oh my goodness, where are you, are you from Australia? No, I'm from London. Oh, shoot, he's from London.

• 1:08:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, right? Thank you, love. How do you now?

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  He's his tone.

• 1:08:30Speaker 06

  We just had you repeat your drink just so we could hear it again. We heard you the first time. Oh, you're so lovely, thank you. Oh, my gosh! Oh, happy birthday.

• 1:08:41Speaker 04

  Happy birthday! Oh my goodness!

• 1:08:44Speaker 01

  Tommy, ¿qué es esto?

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  Por favor!

• 1:08:52Tom Segura?

  Ah, that was awesome!

• 1:08:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was amazing!

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  Oh, you guys are really losing it, Tommy.

• 1:08:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, but do you see, like, chicks dig a British accent too?

• 1:09:02Tom Segura?

  Oh my god, do they ever?

• 1:09:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, and he got a best drink of the day.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  Wait, wait, wait, I don't know if you're serious.

• 1:09:07Tom Segura?

  I'm totally serious.

• 1:09:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are you gonna have? This is a joke.

• 1:09:08Speaker 01

  Okay, you have a really serious problem. I don't think we want to talk here because people can hear.

• 1:09:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:09:13Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:09:14Speaker 01

  Tommy, if you think... What was it that we just watched? I don't remember.

• 1:09:17Tom Segura?

  Okay, I just got through explaining to you what you were gonna see. I said I told people to go to Starbucks, speak in a British accent, and then tell the person working there happy birthday.

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  Okay, do it again, I bet.

• 1:09:33Tom Segura?

  I mean, we just watched the whole thing.

• 1:09:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  We just watched it.

• 1:09:36Speaker 01

  I don't remember, I don't remember.

• 1:09:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you hear it? Can you hear it in your headphones? Can you hear the clip?

• 1:09:39Tom Segura?

  I mean, I did it first.

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  Okay. That's you?

• 1:09:49Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  Okay, but what were you doing? Happy birthday, thank you?

• 1:09:54Tom Segura?

  Hello, love! Thank you!

• 1:09:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks, love.

• 1:09:58Speaker 01

  Thanks, love.

• 1:10:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  The kids are in the back, they love it.

• 1:10:01Speaker 01

  Ah, okay. Thanks, love.

• 1:10:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're laughing right now, they love it.

• 1:10:07Speaker 01

  There you go, for your birthday. And what did you give her?

• 1:10:10Tom Segura?

  Twenty bucks.

• 1:10:11Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 1:10:12Speaker 04

  Oh, thank you! Oh my god!

• 1:10:14Speaker 01

  It's your birthday!

• 1:10:17Speaker 01

  What accent is that?

• 1:10:18Tom Segura?

  I don't know, a bad British one.

• 1:10:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's supposed to be an awful British accent. Like, as bad as...

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  They all are trying to be, but...

• 1:10:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you're... So we're telling our listeners, because we've done... You tell the listeners to go to Starbucks or wherever, drive-thru, and do a fake British accent. And you have to say, "Happy birthday..."

• 1:10:38Tom Segura?

  And keep the accent.

• 1:10:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Keep the accent the whole time, do a bad British accent.

• 1:10:42Speaker 01

  Okay, hold on, there was another question, that had nothing to do with it.

• 1:10:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:10:46Tom Segura?

  All right, here's another one.

• 1:10:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Keep thinking, yeah.

• 1:10:48Speaker 04

  Excuse me, I can't hear you, what did you say?

• 1:10:49Speaker 01

  Uh, can I have a large iced coffee, please? I got it! Yes, happy birthday!

• 1:10:56Speaker 03

  That's all.

• 1:11:00Tom Segura?

  Yes, happy birthday.

• 1:11:02Speaker 03

  Okay, there you go. Thank you. And this is for you guys. Absolutely.

• 1:11:09Speaker 01

  What is funny about this?

• 1:11:12Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:11:16Speaker 01

  This is one of the stupidest things.

• 1:11:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's the point.

• 1:11:19Speaker 03

  All right, I love you. Thank you. No reaction.

• 1:11:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  So good. Oh, so funny.

• 1:11:29Speaker 01

  This is so bad.

• 1:11:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, so much fun. Can I tell you what happened to me?

• 1:11:32Speaker 01

  This is your show, really?

• 1:11:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, can I tell you the coolest thing happened to me this weekend? I was with our sons at a restaurant, and you have to walk up to the cashier to order, right? So Julian and I are there, we order, we're just kind of standing here. A woman comes up and I hear her go, "Hey Hitler, I'd like to order a cheeseburger and fries and da-da-da." And then she goes, "Thank you, mommy."

• 1:11:55Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:11:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I was like, "Oh," and we both went, "Oh." It was the coolest thing ever.

• 1:12:00Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 1:12:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I saw it in the wild. I saw one in the wild.

• 1:12:02Tom Segura?

  That's amazing.

• 1:12:03Speaker 01

  You like that?

• 1:12:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I loved it.

• 1:12:06Speaker 01

  That your son confused you with another woman, you think this is something to look?

• 1:12:10Tom Segura?

  What?

• 1:12:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think she understands this.

• 1:12:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, you said you were in a place with a woman that looked like you, and you both sat and started talking?

• 1:12:24Tom Segura?

  That's not what she said.

• 1:12:25Speaker 01

  Okay, I want to hear it again.

• 1:12:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's watch these videos. Yeah, maybe we should explain it through these videos.

• 1:12:30Tom Segura?

  Okay, here we go. Here's another one.

• 1:12:32Speaker 01

  No, another one. Why don't we go back to the one?

• 1:12:35Tom Segura?

  Hold on.

• 1:12:36Speaker 01

  What did he say? Hello, governor.

• 1:12:39Speaker 03

  Happy birthday.

• 1:12:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:12:44Speaker 03

  Have you tried that drink before?

• 1:12:50Speaker 01

  You guys are having more than serious.

• 1:12:51Speaker 03

  My brother, I told my brother it was good. He didn't believe me, and he finished it in four sips. He believes me now.

• 1:12:59Speaker 01

  What is this about?

• 1:13:01Speaker 03

  Happy birthday.

• 1:13:04Speaker 01

  I don't have any idea what are we talking about, about the guy?

• 1:13:07Tom Segura?

  I'm gonna throw up.

• 1:13:08Speaker 01

  Saying happy birthday to somebody and you guys are laughing like this is as dumb as you can go.

• 1:13:15Tom Segura?

  Welcome to the show.

• 1:13:17Speaker 01

  Oh, that's the whole thing?

• 1:13:19Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:13:19Speaker 01

  Oh, I can make my own show.

• 1:13:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what people love.

• 1:13:21Tom Segura?

  You can. Well, that's the other thing. So your OnlyFans is obviously in the works. We're not gonna quit until you sign up. But.

• 1:13:30Speaker 01

  Not for what?

• 1:13:31Tom Segura?

  OnlyFans. To say good morning, good evening, good night.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  That's all I have to say for real?

• 1:13:36Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:13:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Say hello, gouverneur.

• 1:13:39Speaker 01

  No, that's not good morning.

• 1:13:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, just say it.

• 1:13:40Tom Segura?

  No, just say it.

• 1:13:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hello, hello, gouverneur.

• 1:13:42Tom Segura?

  Hello.

• 1:13:43Speaker 01

  Hello, hello, gouverneur.

• 1:13:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:45Speaker 01

  Gouverneur.

• 1:13:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:46Speaker 01

  Gouverneur.

• 1:13:47Tom Segura?

  Can you say?

• 1:13:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hello, gouverneur.

• 1:13:48Tom Segura?

  Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

• 1:13:50Speaker 01

  Happy birthday.

• 1:13:51Tom Segura?

  There you go. I mean, that's fantastic.

• 1:13:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's perfect.

• 1:13:54Speaker 01

  How do you say in French? Whatever I'm saying. I forgot what I'm saying.

• 1:13:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bonjour, le gouverneur.

• 1:14:01Tom Segura?

  Bonjour.

• 1:14:02Speaker 01

  Bonjour.

• 1:14:03Tom Segura?

  Bonjour, le gouverneur. Good morning.

• 1:14:05Speaker 01

  Good morning.

• 1:14:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, that's big surprise.

• 1:14:08Speaker 01

  Not like the monada, no?

• 1:14:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Joyeux anniversaire.

• 1:14:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:12Speaker 01

  Ah, baby, go. Why you have to screw up shows? Every time. Who is that guy there, eh?

• 1:14:20Tom Segura?

  That guy? That's the glass guy that said happy birthday.

• 1:14:24Speaker 01

  I want to keep him there.

• 1:14:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Bonjour, gouverneur.

• 1:14:30Speaker 01

  Bonjour, gouverneur. I will say it again.

• 1:14:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so retarded.

• 1:14:35Speaker 01

  I want to hear the accent. I have to pick.

• 1:14:37Tom Segura?

  Which one?

• 1:14:38Speaker 01

  Maybe Christina should do it.

• 1:14:40Tom Segura?

  The French or the British one?

• 1:14:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bonjour, gouverneur.

• 1:14:42Speaker 01

  Neither one is.

• 1:14:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bonjour.

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  Ah, the French, the French.

• 1:14:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bonjour, gouverneur. Bonjour.

• 1:14:48Speaker 01

  Ah, oui.

• 1:14:48Tom Segura?

  Bonjour.

• 1:14:49Speaker 01

  Bonjour.

• 1:14:50Tom Segura?

  Gouverneur.

• 1:14:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gouverneur.

• 1:14:52Speaker 01

  Gouverneur. Oh, this is sexy. Look.

• 1:14:55Tom Segura?

  Ooh, bonjour. And then, it is your birthday?

• 1:15:02Speaker 01

  Is that French?

• 1:15:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:04Speaker 01

  It sounds like a French trying to speak in English.

• 1:15:07Tom Segura?

  That's the whole point. It is a French trying to speak in English.

• 1:15:09Speaker 01

  Well, you didn't say that part. That was my brain function.

• 1:15:12Tom Segura?

  It is?

• 1:15:14Speaker 01

  It... the whole sentence.

• 1:15:16Tom Segura?

  It is your birthday?

• 1:15:17Speaker 01

  It is your birthday?

• 1:15:19Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:15:21Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:15:22Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:15:22Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:15:23Tom Segura?

  Can I have?

• 1:15:25Speaker 01

  Can I?

• 1:15:26Tom Segura?

  Un?

• 1:15:27Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:15:28Tom Segura?

  Café latte?

• 1:15:29Speaker 01

  Café latte.

• 1:15:30Tom Segura?

  Happy birthday?

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  Happy birthday.

• 1:15:32Tom Segura?

  Perfect. Can you do that today at Starbucks later?

• 1:15:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Perfect.

• 1:15:37Speaker 01

  Are you going to pay me for saying that?

• 1:15:38Tom Segura?

  No, he's part of the show.

• 1:15:40Speaker 01

  As a part of the show, I'm gonna go to Starbucks and say, "Don't you..."

• 1:15:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's why he's your only fan.

• 1:15:44Tom Segura?

  "Puis-je avoir un café latte joyeux anniversaire?"

• 1:15:47Speaker 01

  Okay, okay, don't talk.

• 1:15:48Tom Segura?

  Oh, hit the, hit the, uh, the speaker. The, the...

• 1:15:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just repeat what you hear. Repeat. "Puis-je avoir un café la joyeux anniversaire?"

• 1:15:55Speaker 01

  Okay, lindo. I don't, I don't know nothing.

• 1:15:58Tom Segura?

  Otra vez?

• 1:15:59Speaker 01

  A ver si no te...

• 1:15:59Tom Segura?

  One more time?

• 1:16:00Speaker 01

  I haven't understood one word.

• 1:16:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  "Puis-je avoir un café la joyeux anniversaire?"

• 1:16:06Speaker 01

  "Puis-je avoir un café la joyeux anniversaire?"

• 1:16:09Tom Segura?

  Wow, that was really impressive.

• 1:16:11Speaker 01

  What is it that she was supposed to say?

• 1:16:13Tom Segura?

  She's saying, "Can I have a café latte, happy birthday."

• 1:16:18Speaker 01

  Café joyeux?

• 1:16:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hello, governor.

• 1:16:20Tom Segura?

  "Puis-je avoir un café la joyeux anniversaire?"

• 1:16:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom, can I watch that guy do a governor again?

• 1:16:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:16:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  So funny. He goes, "Hello, governor."

• 1:16:28Speaker 01

  Hello, governor.

• 1:16:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  "It's your birthday."

• 1:16:30Speaker 01

  "It's your birthday."

• 1:16:33Tom Segura?

  Hit...

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  Why you laugh?

• 1:16:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Again, again.

• 1:16:36Tom Segura?

  Do it again?

• 1:16:36Speaker 01

  Christina can say it.

• 1:16:38Tom Segura?

  Can you hit it again?

• 1:16:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bonjour le gouverneur.

• 1:16:41Speaker 01

  Bonjour le gouverneur.

• 1:16:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bonjour le gouverneur.

• 1:16:44Speaker 01

  Thank you, le gouverneur.

• 1:16:46Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:16:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  One more time.

• 1:16:49Speaker 01

  Hello, governor.

• 1:16:52Speaker 03

  Happy birthday.

• 1:16:53Tom Segura?

  That guy in the window, he just had to probably went, what dude?

• 1:16:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hello governor.

• 1:17:00Speaker 01

  I don't get the jokes.

• 1:17:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love hello governor.

• 1:17:03Tom Segura?

  So that expression is like a really old timey, like a working class, Southie.

• 1:17:12Speaker 01

  I lost it totalmente.

• 1:17:14Tom Segura?

  Okay, well, it's an accent that is.

• 1:17:18Speaker 01

  Make it in short, please.

• 1:17:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like a Cockney way of saying hello. It's like a lawa slang. It's slang. It's like British slang.

• 1:17:26Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 1:17:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hello governor.

• 1:17:27Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:17:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like slang.

• 1:17:29Speaker 01

  That sounds like, you know what? Hello governor. It sounds like a farmer.

• 1:17:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right, right. It's supposed to be kind of low class. Yeah. You're sounding like you're not up.

• 1:17:37Speaker 01

  Why are you sounding British with low class? What?

• 1:17:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause it's fun.

• 1:17:41Tom Segura?

  It's in, it's within the British, like there's, there's scales, spectrum to the accent.

• 1:17:45Speaker 01

  Like you're the stupid American.

• 1:17:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah. But so like if you say, how y'all doing? It sounds like a certain type of person.

• 1:17:52Speaker 01

  My type of person.

• 1:17:53Tom Segura?

  That's your type of person.

• 1:17:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right. That's why we like the governor. That's, that's what I'm saying.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  Your governor?

• 1:17:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why we like this kind of stuff.

• 1:17:59Speaker 01

  No, no, stop that. I.

• 1:18:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's happening?

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  I don't want to talk about your governor because I don't care for any governor there. Who is your governor?

• 1:18:07Tom Segura?

  Oh my God, we're not talking.

• 1:18:09Speaker 01

  Who's? What are we talking about? I forget. Who is your governor? Because I don't know what I'm saying.

• 1:18:14Tom Segura?

  Who is your governor?

• 1:18:15Speaker 01

  My governor is, but el que fue before.

• 1:18:20Tom Segura?

  El que fue before.

• 1:18:22Speaker 01

  Don't ask my opinions about anything political.

• 1:18:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're not getting into politics.

• 1:18:26Speaker 01

  Not the topic that we can touch here.

• 1:18:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:18:28Speaker 01

  I want to ask you a few questions.

• 1:18:30Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:18:30Speaker 01

  Have we talked about the cruise?

• 1:18:32Tom Segura?

  Yes, yes. It's been a few times already.

• 1:18:34Speaker 01

  Did I thank you? No, wait a second.

• 1:18:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  We gotta keep watching.

• 1:18:37Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, I don't think it's fair and it's disrespectful when I'm talking and you throw me the, que se so?

• 1:18:43Tom Segura?

  There's a woman screaming.

• 1:18:44Speaker 01

  Well, I am talking.

• 1:18:45Tom Segura?

  I, yeah, I didn't.

• 1:18:46Speaker 01

  I'm not coming back.

• 1:18:47Tom Segura?

  Why?

• 1:18:48Speaker 01

  I am talking and you throw me.

• 1:18:53Speaker 01

  That's when I am talking?

• 1:18:55Tom Segura?

  No, it's just, it's just a thing here.

• 1:19:01Speaker 01

  Again!

• 1:19:04Speaker 01

  You know what?

• 1:19:09Speaker 01

  I have water, I have a tank, I will.

• 1:19:12Tom Segura?

  So, here's what we're gonna do.

• 1:19:13Speaker 01

  Oh, you told me, but I am, I am talking.

• 1:19:16Tom Segura?

  Oh, I didn't know you were talking, go ahead.

• 1:19:17Speaker 01

  No, you can't take respects.

• 1:19:18Tom Segura?

  Oh, I'm so sorry. Can you please tell me what you were saying?

• 1:19:21Speaker 01

  I don't remember.

• 1:19:22Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:19:22Speaker 01

  But I know I was talking.

• 1:19:23Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:19:24Speaker 01

  I know, I know.

• 1:19:25Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:19:25Speaker 01

  I said, I have water. And then you said, well, as we were talking about it, and you just throw me out. I'm still the mother. Totally. All of you wouldn't be here.

• 1:19:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 1:19:38Speaker 01

  I mean, you would be here, but no.

• 1:19:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wouldn't, I wouldn't have my sweet, wonderful husband. I wouldn't have my grandbabies if it weren't for you.

• 1:19:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's true. If it weren't for you.

• 1:19:47Speaker 01

  You would have your grandbabies and you would have your husband.

• 1:19:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  In my whole life, I have to thank you. It's a true story.

• 1:19:52Tom Segura?

  Thank you, governor.

• 1:19:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you, governor.

• 1:19:54Speaker 01

  Thank you, governor.

• 1:19:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Happy birthday.

• 1:19:56Tom Segura?

  Happy birthday. It's your birthday.

• 1:19:58Speaker 01

  Happy birthday. I can't, we're talking. Who is your governor?

• 1:20:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Happy birthday.

• 1:20:04Speaker 01

  Still, El Señor Cruz?

• 1:20:06Tom Segura?

  No, no. He's never been the governor. He's a senator.

• 1:20:09Speaker 01

  Oh, who was?

• 1:20:10Tom Segura?

  Abbott is the governor.

• 1:20:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Senior Abbott.

• 1:20:12Speaker 01

  The same thing, or no?

• 1:20:13Tom Segura?

  The same thing. He's still the governor.

• 1:20:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, same thing.

• 1:20:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah. So.

• 1:20:18Speaker 01

  What happened with Arnold Schwarzenegger?

• 1:20:21Tom Segura?

  He was governor, it's been a while.

• 1:20:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  He did a good job.

• 1:20:23Tom Segura?

  He was governor in California.

• 1:20:24Speaker 01

  That's the question.

• 1:20:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but, yeah.

• 1:20:26Speaker 01

  Wait, Tommy, three things I want to talk.

• 1:20:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh oh.

• 1:20:28Tom Segura?

  Oh, man.

• 1:20:29Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, this is extremely serious, the fires in California.

• 1:20:32Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:20:33Speaker 01

  Where, I mean, praying all over the world for this tragedy. It's very sad for people.

• 1:20:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was Josh.

• 1:20:40Tom Segura?

  That was Josh.

• 1:20:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he pushed the button. Josh, stop pushing that.

• 1:20:44Speaker 01

  So I cannot talk about anything serious.

• 1:20:45Tom Segura?

  No, you can, you can.

• 1:20:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he's just being, he's being so disrespectful.

• 1:20:48Tom Segura?

  That was completely uncalled for.

• 1:20:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop doing that.

• 1:20:52Speaker 01

  Cut his salary and give it to the poor.

• 1:20:54Tom Segura?

  Give it to the poor.

• 1:20:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a great idea.

• 1:20:55Tom Segura?

  He knows, he's on board with that idea.

• 1:20:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's so disrespectful.

• 1:20:57Tom Segura?

  He's mentioned that to me before.

• 1:21:00Speaker 01

  He doesn't think that what?

• 1:21:02Tom Segura?

  He's wanted to do that. He said he was gonna do that. So you said-

• 1:21:04Speaker 01

  So you accepted?

• 1:21:05Tom Segura?

  I accepted. I said, donate your salary. He said, yes.

• 1:21:08Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. Well, you do the same.

• 1:21:10Tom Segura?

  I've done that. I've done that as well. It's my birthday. So-

• 1:21:14Speaker 01

  It's my birthday?

• 1:21:15Tom Segura?

  So-

• 1:21:15Speaker 01

  I want to talk, say it again.

• 1:21:17Tom Segura?

  You said you want to talk about the fires. You said you want to talk about the fires and how destructive they are, how the end of the world is coming because of things like the fires.

• 1:21:24Speaker 01

  I hear hundred and three million percent agree.

• 1:21:27Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm. And there's so many people's pronouns. It's all indicators that the world is coming to an end.

• 1:21:32Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:21:33Tom Segura?

  Okay. Anything else?

• 1:21:36Speaker 01

  Doesn't that scare you enough?

• 1:21:37Tom Segura?

  I didn't know if there was another-

• 1:21:38Speaker 01

  I, you know what, Tommy, that bothers me is, you know how Catholic, devoted, and believer I am?

• 1:21:44Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:21:45Speaker 01

  So for me, when I talk about anything related that, any, the world's going to-

• 1:21:48Tom Segura?

  Can you pull the mic down some?

• 1:21:51Speaker 01

  Like who?

• 1:21:51Tom Segura?

  Can you pull it from here? From here. Reach the other way, other way. Closer to you. No, no, closer to you. Below, below. Lower, lower.

• 1:21:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  We know we have to do a supercut-

• 1:22:00Tom Segura?

  Here, here, right here.

• 1:22:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of all these times we've asked-

• 1:22:02Tom Segura?

  No, no, no.

• 1:22:03Speaker 01

  Oh, no, the opposite.

• 1:22:04Tom Segura?

  Right, just show her.

• 1:22:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  That and a supercut of, what are we talking about? What did I say about that?

• 1:22:10Speaker 01

  Okay, thank you.

• 1:22:11Tom Segura?

  Thanks, Josh.

• 1:22:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I forgot, as we have to do supercuts.

• 1:22:14Tom Segura?

  Pull it down. There you go. No, not up.

• 1:22:17Speaker 01

  This is what I want to talk-

• 1:22:18Tom Segura?

  No, no, no. Put it down, because it covers your face. We don't want it to cover your face. We want it to be like this.

• 1:22:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  We need a money maker.

• 1:22:23Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:22:23Speaker 01

  Oh, by the way, you want to pay me for the beautiful future face?

• 1:22:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:22:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I really want to talk about something serious.

• 1:22:31Tom Segura?

  Okay, so the end of the world-

• 1:22:32Speaker 01

  No, no, this is really serious.

• 1:22:33Tom Segura?

  This is really serious. This is very serious.

• 1:22:36Speaker 01

  I want a governor. Who cares?

• 1:22:38Tom Segura?

  You want a governor who cares?

• 1:22:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who's who cares?

• 1:22:42Speaker 01

  I, who cares?

• 1:22:43Tom Segura?

  Who cares?

• 1:22:44Speaker 01

  I thought you guys-

• 1:22:45Tom Segura?

  Because of your Catholic devotion, you were saying?

• 1:22:48Speaker 01

  What was the question?

• 1:22:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  May I ask you this, since you are devout Catholic?

• 1:22:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Josh, please.

• 1:22:54Tom Segura?

  Since, I don't know.

• 1:22:55Speaker 01

  You have to, let me tell you one thing, Tommy. This is extremely serious.

• 1:22:58Tom Segura?

  I know, I know.

• 1:22:59Speaker 01

  No. So you don't know what I'm going to say, how can you say no?

• 1:23:02Tom Segura?

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 1:23:02Speaker 01

  If we talk about religion-

• 1:23:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:04Speaker 01

  If you don't have a strict respect to my religion-

• 1:23:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do, I do, I do, with all due-

• 1:23:08Speaker 01

  I know, it really made me cry.

• 1:23:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't want to, no, I'm just asking-

• 1:23:10Speaker 01

  This means a lot to me.

• 1:23:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is there anything in the Bible about the end of times? Is it similar to what's happening now?

• 1:23:16Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:23:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  No?

• 1:23:17Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:23:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Well, then that's good. Then we're okay, right?

• 1:23:20Speaker 01

  And I know you think this is funny.

• 1:23:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think it's funny.

• 1:23:22Speaker 01

  But I don't see anybody's taking, see, we start with the- What do we have?

• 1:23:29Tom Segura?

  The virus?

• 1:23:29Speaker 01

  No, no, the vaccine.

• 1:23:31Tom Segura?

  Vaccine?

• 1:23:32Speaker 01

  The vaccine was-

• 1:23:33Tom Segura?

  The pandemic, Covid?

• 1:23:34Speaker 01

  Because of Covid.

• 1:23:35Tom Segura?

  Covid is an indicator.

• 1:23:36Speaker 01

  Covid was an indicator. The glaciers are melting.

• 1:23:40Tom Segura?

  The glaciers are melting.

• 1:23:41Speaker 01

  I mean, just going over there.

• 1:23:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're right, and you're not wrong.

• 1:23:44Tom Segura?

  The temperature of the earth went up.

• 1:23:45Speaker 01

  How about that?

• 1:23:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, you're right.

• 1:23:47Speaker 01

  The temperature in every place. But I think you think this is funny for me.

• 1:23:51Tom Segura?

  No, it's a gate, it's all there, I know.

• 1:23:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's horrible, it bothers me, I think any sensitive person in front of us.

• 1:23:56Speaker 01

  Why is I hear people laughing when I'm saying-

• 1:23:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  But may I tell you something? That's why it's so important that we provide laughter, hold on, and joy for people. That's why Hello Governor is very important, and happy birthday.

• 1:24:12Tom Segura?

  It's that when the world-

• 1:24:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think it's silly, but it means a lot.

• 1:24:14Tom Segura?

  A world is so silly and serious, it's nice that there's someplace and some people that go, you know what? It is all serious, it is all heavy. Everything is substantial, and the gravity of things are very weighty. So it's nice that there's somebody-

• 1:24:29Speaker 01

  Can I say a short, please? Yeah, pues, pero esto parece-

• 1:24:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:24:33Speaker 01

  Sunday sermon.

• 1:24:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  What did I miss?

• 1:24:35Tom Segura?

  She's like, speed it up, get your point.

• 1:24:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  The point being, laughter is important. Listen, it's important to make people laugh still, right? Because the world is getting darker. Any!

• 1:24:45Speaker 01

  Okay, this part is not funny, and I can understand.

• 1:24:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not funny.

• 1:24:48Speaker 01

  One more time, one more time.

• 1:24:49Tom Segura?

  I just don't know what's going on.

• 1:24:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  The disrespect, guys, come on.

• 1:24:52Tom Segura?

  I'm really sorry.

• 1:24:53Speaker 01

  This is not funny, I don't know what- This is the last time I say-

• 1:24:55Tom Segura?

  Seriously, first, for real.

• 1:24:56Speaker 01

  You keep doing it, and you guys-

• 1:24:57Tom Segura?

  For real!

• 1:24:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's them!

• 1:24:59Tom Segura?

  Knock it off!

• 1:25:01Tom Segura?

  I'm sorry, it's buttons.

• 1:25:02Speaker 01

  Okay, you have zero respect in this place. Who runs this place?

• 1:25:06Tom Segura?

  I thought I did.

• 1:25:08Speaker 01

  Well, obviously you don't.

• 1:25:09Tom Segura?

  But clearly, they've taken over. I don't know, I don't know what to do.

• 1:25:11Speaker 01

  And Christina Camp just as a guest to show how pretty she is, or what?

• 1:25:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so rude.

• 1:25:16Speaker 01

  From Tommy or from the company?

• 1:25:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god. I'm trying my hardest to keep these boys in line.

• 1:25:22Speaker 01

  You are the one who is doing it.

• 1:25:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Doing what?

• 1:25:25Speaker 01

  The right thing!

• 1:25:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Again, guys! I mean, I don't know how else to yell at them.

• 1:25:29Speaker 01

  But what is this, a stupid thing, anyway?

• 1:25:31Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:25:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm s- you know what? It is upsetting.

• 1:25:38Speaker 01

  This is so dumb.

• 1:25:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom, we need to... Your mother's right. We should change how we do this show.

• 1:25:43Tom Segura?

  I know. I don't want this anymore.

• 1:25:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  What would you... What should we do? We don't know. The problem is, we're so depraved.

• 1:25:47Speaker 01

  I love the idea that you changed the show.

• 1:25:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, what should we do? You tell me.

• 1:25:51Speaker 01

  Number one, I will clean up the act of the farts and stupid sense. Maintain your class. You two are brilliant people.

• 1:26:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, no farts?

• 1:26:02Speaker 01

  No, please. Christina, why is the point of the fart to make people laugh?

• 1:26:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  What? Guys.

• 1:26:09Tom Segura?

  What the hell, guys?

• 1:26:11Speaker 01

  What happened?

• 1:26:12Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:26:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jesus.

• 1:26:13Tom Segura?

  So, we clean up the act.

• 1:26:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  You okay?

• 1:26:19Speaker 01

  I am perfectly fine, thank you.

• 1:26:21Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:26:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  You all right?

• 1:26:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm just making sure I'm...

• 1:26:28Tom Segura?

  Oh, you see, it looked like you were about to...

• 1:26:31Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:26:32Tom Segura?

  I thought you were gonna have a belch. I was gonna give you a moment.

• 1:26:35Speaker 01

  What is a belch?

• 1:26:36Tom Segura?

  Like a burp? I thought you had gas.

• 1:26:38Speaker 01

  No, no, I don't have those things.

• 1:26:40Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:26:40Speaker 01

  They were gone.

• 1:26:41Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:26:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  What kind of things should we be talking about? Like, if you could have notes for us on the show, what do you think would make it better?

• 1:26:47Speaker 01

  How to make it clean?

• 1:26:50Speaker 01

  That would be a good way to improve your show. Get out of those filthy stuff.

• 1:26:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:56Speaker 01

  You can say, "We will be back and put something funny..." No, you know, like my father.

• 1:27:04Speaker 01

  What is this?

• 1:27:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:27:06Speaker 01

  You mix farts with claps?

• 1:27:08Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I thought we were talking about how we can improve things. How we can, like, get away from stuff like that.

• 1:27:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Something funny like Notting Hill. So, should I be... I should watch that?

• 1:27:16Tom Segura?

  Maybe we should watch Notting Hill as a company. You know? Why don't we do... Here's what I want you to do.

• 1:27:21Speaker 01

  That was a good one. I just saw it not too long ago.

• 1:27:24Tom Segura?

  Josh, set up a screening of Notting Hill for the entire company to watch together. You got it. And then I want to do a podcast that is inspired by the movie Notting Hill.

• 1:27:35Speaker 01

  What does Notting Hill have to do with the kitchen?

• 1:27:37Tom Segura?

  It's a tone. It's a tone that you want to adapt.

• 1:27:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:27:41Tom Segura?

  Okay?

• 1:27:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, we want you to come back on the show and I want...

• 1:27:44Tom Segura?

  And see if it's like Notting Hill approved.

• 1:27:48Speaker 01

  What is hap- I, wait a minute. What is Notting Hill?

• 1:27:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because you thought it was funny, remember? You were at my house?

• 1:27:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love it.

• 1:27:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you, yeah, you love it. And so I want to make a show that you're proud of.

• 1:28:00Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 1:28:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I want to watch with the staff, Notting Hill, and see what's funny in there. And then maybe we could put that in your mom's house and make it a better show.

• 1:28:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  One that you'd be proud of.

• 1:28:11Speaker 01

  I am always proud. No, no, when you talk so grotesque and disgusting.

• 1:28:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's yucky, I know.

• 1:28:17Speaker 01

  It's so low class.

• 1:28:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is so low class.

• 1:28:19Speaker 01

  But you guys are, what do you like to be in between? Let me be the lowest or the highest?

• 1:28:24Tom Segura?

  The highest.

• 1:28:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  The highest.

• 1:28:26Tom Segura?

  The highest.

• 1:28:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, we do.

• 1:28:27Speaker 01

  If it's not the highest, can you just be normal? But to accept some in the grotesque.

• 1:28:34Speaker 01

  You know what?

• 1:28:34Tom Segura?

  Don't compliment that bitch.

• 1:28:35Speaker 01

  This is coming with me.

• 1:28:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, what?

• 1:28:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you want a squirrel jacket? I can get one for you. Do you or don't you?

• 1:28:42Speaker 01

  But what is wrong with you?

• 1:28:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 1:28:44Speaker 01

  Because you already asked me this around 25 times.

• 1:28:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you don't want, you're telling me you don't admire my jacket.

• 1:28:50Speaker 01

  I, you know what? I don't care what you tell me. I think you told me a lot of things about the squirrels.

• 1:28:54Tom Segura?

  A lot of things on, okay, the squirrel stuff.

• 1:28:55Speaker 01

  Oh, they can kill me.

• 1:28:56Tom Segura?

  When I show you the squirrel issues in this state.

• 1:28:59Speaker 01

  I love them.

• 1:28:59Tom Segura?

  But here's the thing. The, the fact that the state is paying people to shoot squirrels and stab them, like hit them with hatchets.

• 1:29:06Speaker 01

  Don't tell me that is true, because that's not funny at all.

• 1:29:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's true. And, and the homeless can hunt them and eat them.

• 1:29:10Tom Segura?

  You also, by the way, in this episode.

• 1:29:12Speaker 01

  This is not funny.

• 1:29:13Tom Segura?

  Did you know that, that this episode?

• 1:29:16Speaker 01

  Tommy, I, no, you're not.

• 1:29:18Tom Segura?

  You have.

• 1:29:18Speaker 01

  You're wasting your time with me.

• 1:29:19Tom Segura?

  You have cut me off so many times and told me to wrap it up. Quicker, get to the point. You know that you've done that multiple times?

• 1:29:27Speaker 01

  Have I?

• 1:29:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. It's very disrespectful and I, I think, can I tell you something? I think it hurts Tom's feelings.

• 1:29:35Speaker 01

  Because what is it that I did?

• 1:29:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  It hurts Tom's feelings when you don't listen to his full thought and you cut him off.

• 1:29:40Speaker 01

  Aye, but if you're going to make it 35 minutes every time what he sings.

• 1:29:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my gosh, that's not true.

• 1:29:46Speaker 01

  Number one, one was a root.

• 1:29:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  You cut him off.

• 1:29:49Speaker 01

  I, you know what? Did I tell him having my own show?

• 1:29:54Speaker 01

  Did you know that?

• 1:29:55Tom Segura?

  You have what?

• 1:29:55Speaker 01

  I'm gonna have my own show.

• 1:29:57Tom Segura?

  Your own podcast?

• 1:29:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is it gonna be like?

• 1:29:58Speaker 01

  That thing.

• 1:29:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is it gonna be like? Nice things? Pleasant things?

• 1:30:02Speaker 01

  The name of the show?

• 1:30:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's it called, Nice Things?

• 1:30:05Tom Segura?

  No, she's saying, what will your podcast be like? What, what?

• 1:30:07Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 1:30:10Tom Segura?

  It's yours, so you can do whatever you want.

• 1:30:11Speaker 01

  I know, I'm thinking and making it, you know, amazing, but not because you do something like that.

• 1:30:18Speaker 01

  What could it be about?

• 1:30:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's the thing, I mean, what's compelling to you? What's interesting?

• 1:30:24Speaker 01

  No farts.

• 1:30:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, then.

• 1:30:25Tom Segura?

  No farts.

• 1:30:26Speaker 01

  If I am not going to have followers, because I'm not disgusting, doesn't make any sense, I have a show with it, you know? If I can make it clean funny, I'll be there. So if you have like, so this.

• 1:30:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like Bill Cosby, he was clean funny.

• 1:30:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:41Speaker 01

  This is not.

• 1:30:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, Bill Cosby's comedy was very clean funny.

• 1:30:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then he's in jail, you want me to do it like that?

• 1:30:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's not my fault. That's not my fault.

• 1:30:52Speaker 01

  Number one.

• 1:30:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:54Speaker 01

  I think I'm old, so I'm not as stupid as I was when I was 20.

• 1:30:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 1:30:59Speaker 01

  So you think I'm gonna do something? Yeah. I don't. I just want the world to know you're not my son. You actually adopted, because I would never raise my kids to go into jail, to do all disgusting things, and I think it's funny.

• 1:31:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't, and I know you don't, because I know.

• 1:31:18Speaker 01

  Who is this?

• 1:31:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  What the fuck, you guys?

• 1:31:20Speaker 01

  But why you keep telling me this in between? Shut up, shut up, shut up. Do you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

• 1:31:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:31:28Speaker 01

  What is this?

• 1:31:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do I have any TikToks we could show her?

• 1:31:31Tom Segura?

  Um.

• 1:31:32Speaker 01

  I'm gonna start talking on TikTok.

• 1:31:34Tom Segura?

  You are?

• 1:31:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  You should.

• 1:31:35Speaker 01

  How do I do it?

• 1:31:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  You, you.

• 1:31:37Tom Segura?

  Oh, you would have a huge TikTok following.

• 1:31:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  You would have a hu- oh, here we go.

• 1:31:43Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 1:31:43Speaker 01

  I saw.

• 1:31:44Tom Segura?

  Shit.

• 1:31:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I found this account that only shows people falling from heights.

• 1:31:49Speaker 01

  And I don't show it to me.

• 1:31:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 1:31:51Speaker 01

  Because I don't think it's funny to be dumb.

• 1:31:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  To be dumb?

• 1:31:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, you go too high and decide to jump in.

• 1:31:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  But no, it's an accident, this is to help people.

• 1:31:59Speaker 01

  It's an accident.

• 1:32:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait a minute.

• 1:32:01Speaker 01

  What is happening, people enjoying it and paying to watch it?

• 1:32:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is educating the public on what not to do to keep them safe.

• 1:32:06Tom Segura?

  All right, here we go, Cheryl.

• 1:32:07Speaker 01

  Then it's not like that.

• 1:32:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is positive.

• 1:32:09Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:32:11Tom Segura?

  I think it's a Persian guy.

• 1:32:18Speaker 01

  I don't have a clue.

• 1:32:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe Turkish?

• 1:32:20Tom Segura?

  He's giving like, oh yeah, it could be like Turkish or something.

• 1:32:22Speaker 01

  I don't know what it is.

• 1:32:22Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:32:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:32:23Speaker 01

  Perthipus.

• 1:32:24Tom Segura?

  Okay, Perthipus, hold on.

• 1:32:27Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 1:32:32Tom Segura?

  Or is that Arabic?

• 1:32:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is he saying? I don't know.

• 1:32:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You, you understand? Are you answering him?

• 1:32:39Tom Segura?

  This might be a good segment for your new show.

• 1:32:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:32:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have an idea. What if it's a love connection show?

• 1:32:47Speaker 01

  I could do that. I would have my follower for connection. Okay. How do we call it? Because there is 50,000 gold call. Como era?

• 1:32:54Tom Segura?

  Love.

• 1:32:54Speaker 01

  Love connection.

• 1:32:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like, it's like-

• 1:32:56Speaker 01

  How many of these did I have, man?

• 1:32:57Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:32:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's last, last chapter love connection or?

• 1:33:01Tom Segura?

  This is it? The final, the final connection?

• 1:33:04Speaker 01

  Where is your friend?

• 1:33:05Tom Segura?

  The final connection.

• 1:33:07Speaker 01

  Because you're killing us?

• 1:33:08Tom Segura?

  No, because you guys are about to die because you're old.

• 1:33:10Speaker 01

  That's dumb. You can die before us on the god.

• 1:33:13Tom Segura?

  But I mean-

• 1:33:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Terminal connection.

• 1:33:14Speaker 01

  Be careful. You know, you think this is funny?

• 1:33:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:18Speaker 01

  I don't think God is, think it's funny.

• 1:33:20Tom Segura?

  Well, I'm not laughing.

• 1:33:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, I'm gonna probably die before you.

• 1:33:23Speaker 01

  You said by that laughing, we almost hit this when you were laughing.

• 1:33:27Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:33:27Speaker 01

  I'm not laughing.

• 1:33:28Tom Segura?

  What about just like, we're old, but we ain't dead or something like that?

• 1:33:33Speaker 01

  What are we talking about right now?

• 1:33:34Tom Segura?

  Your show.

• 1:33:35Speaker 01

  My show? I have nothing to do with my show.

• 1:33:37Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:33:38Speaker 03

  Hello, Stick Nation. I'm calling from Uppsala in Sweden and I want to show this amazing stick to a phone.

• 1:33:44Tom Segura?

  Wow, that stick is incredible.

• 1:33:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's super sick, yeah.

• 1:33:48Speaker 01

  You want me to do stuff like that?

• 1:33:49Tom Segura?

  Maybe like you could do a thing about sticks that you find in the yard?

• 1:33:52Speaker 01

  And then I find you to do it for me?

• 1:33:54Tom Segura?

  No, this would be your-

• 1:33:56Speaker 01

  I'm not having to have a show about dumb things.

• 1:33:59Tom Segura?

  You know, one time people were like, there's-

• 1:34:01Speaker 01

  This is so dumb.

• 1:34:02Tom Segura?

  People asked to see more cactus material. Remember when we were, we were doing the-

• 1:34:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:34:06Tom Segura?

  Cactus stuff or sticks? You could do a whole thing on sticks?

• 1:34:10Speaker 01

  Tell me this is so dumb.

• 1:34:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, can I say something?

• 1:34:13Speaker 01

  I think you guys, you know, you were going up, up, up in the race and don't know what else to do thinking than going better. You're starting like this.

• 1:34:20Tom Segura?

  You're not-

• 1:34:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on. My rage has been overflowing lately, so I filled my rage ritual this morning so you can see what healthy rage can be. Catharsis.

• 1:34:27Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 1:34:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she's letting out her, her-

• 1:34:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this how you spend your mornings? But she's making money!

• 1:34:35Speaker 01

  Not to make my money, but I will do it.

• 1:34:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this how you feel doing our show?

• 1:34:39Tom Segura?

  I know some people do this.

• 1:34:40Speaker 01

  No, I don't want. You talking about me doing this for the show?

• 1:34:43Tom Segura?

  You don't have to do this for the show. I'm saying that.

• 1:34:45Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:34:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's healthy rage.

• 1:34:48Speaker 01

  If I am desperate to make money and somebody tell me I'm this dumb, but I make money, I'd be this dumb.

• 1:34:53Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:34:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  You could totally do this on your OnlyFans.

• 1:34:56Tom Segura?

  But.

• 1:34:57Speaker 01

  So my show is going to be.

• 1:34:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  You hitting this pillow, getting out your rage, maybe against Tom and me for putting you through this show and Josh Zolo and any of these guys.

• 1:35:05Tom Segura?

  Here's the other thing you have to.

• 1:35:06Speaker 01

  You are doing a commercial for yourself right now.

• 1:35:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:35:09Tom Segura?

  Hold on.

• 1:35:10Speaker 01

  You thank Tom and me?

• 1:35:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And them for playing these clips.

• 1:35:14Tom Segura?

  Listen, this is a real serious question. If you have a.

• 1:35:17Speaker 01

  The other ones weren't serious?

• 1:35:19Tom Segura?

  Well, this one's more serious. If you have a very committed fan who is, they subscribe to you, and you know that when they send you a message, when somebody sends you a message like, what's up? And you reply, they have to pay you to reply. Okay? So every time.

• 1:35:34Speaker 01

  To reply?

• 1:35:35Tom Segura?

  Yes, but just let me finish. So if they're very committed, they're paying their monthly subscription, they're choosing to engage with you and paying you to reply every time, a couple bucks, couple, like, you know, if you have a 20 message reply, you made like 50 or more dollars. If someone's doing that day after day, would you consider having like a little fart video that you would send as a bonus?

• 1:36:02Speaker 01

  Why don't you start by that? That's too dumb. We're wasting time. No, no.

• 1:36:07Tom Segura?

  All right.

• 1:36:07Speaker 01

  You made me talk about money for like. I told you.

• 1:36:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who's that?

• 1:36:12Speaker 01

  Tommy.

• 1:36:15Speaker 01

  That was you.

• 1:36:20Speaker 01

  I thought, what is funny about this?

• 1:36:22Tom Segura?

  I think she's about to fall off a mountain.

• 1:36:24Speaker 01

  And you made this as a joke show?

• 1:36:27Tom Segura?

  No, they saved her. Look.

• 1:36:28Speaker 01

  Okay, okay.

• 1:36:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  They saved her. Look, she had a rock climbing accident.

• 1:36:31Speaker 01

  I am going to have to change topics.

• 1:36:33Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:36:36Speaker 06

  This is Martez. He has made a serious mistake. Somehow, he has squeezed into this maze. Take a look. Ah. His most logical entrance is from above.

• 1:36:45Speaker 01

  What do you think is funny?

• 1:36:46Speaker 06

  He's an idiot.

• 1:36:48Speaker 01

  He's an idiot?

• 1:36:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep. He's so stupid.

• 1:36:56Speaker 01

  Can I get a coffee, please?

• 1:36:57Tom Segura?

  You want another coffee for real?

• 1:36:58Speaker 01

  What do you mean, another coffee? One cup of coffee doesn't make me another coffee? Please? But for today?

• 1:37:09Speaker 01

  You have something that you push a button and they come now?

• 1:37:12Tom Segura?

  Do I push a button and they come?

• 1:37:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like a butler? No.

• 1:37:14Speaker 01

  A ver?

• 1:37:14Tom Segura?

  I can do that. Here, I have to get the right button.

• 1:37:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  This isn't the Four Seasons.

• 1:37:17Tom Segura?

  Hold on a second.

• 1:37:18Speaker 01

  For me, like, five seasons.

• 1:37:21Tom Segura?

  Our pussies itch. And then, watch. Copy that. Coffee on the way. There.

• 1:37:27Speaker 01

  Mentira, Tommy.

• 1:37:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, can I explain what you're watching?

• 1:37:32Speaker 01

  Coffee on the way?

• 1:37:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  This grown man got to, in a children's playground, got stuck inside of like a metal children's playground toy.

• 1:37:41Tom Segura?

  He's sweating.

• 1:37:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  And now he can't get out.

• 1:37:42Tom Segura?

  He might die in there, yeah.

• 1:37:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's what I think.

• 1:37:44Speaker 01

  No, I don't want him to die. That is not something you wish to anybody.

• 1:37:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, then, how are they gonna get him out? They can't cut the...

• 1:37:50Speaker 01

  Yes, they cut.

• 1:37:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  So thick.

• 1:37:52Speaker 01

  They stop and they cut it and then put him in jail and just leave him there to try to pay for... What is it that he did?

• 1:38:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  He got stuck in a children's playground toy, like an idiot.

• 1:38:03Tom Segura?

  Now, when you say, "It's just a coffee", just so you know, since you've been here,

• 1:38:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:38:08Tom Segura?

  this will be number four or five that you're having, just so you know.

• 1:38:11Speaker 01

  After the three I have at home?

• 1:38:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, and none of these are decaf.

• 1:38:15Speaker 01

  No?

• 1:38:16Tom Segura?

  No. We don't have decaf.

• 1:38:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, we don't do that.

• 1:38:20Speaker 01

  What do you mean you don't do that?

• 1:38:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not...

• 1:38:21Speaker 01

  It's not the disease?

• 1:38:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do it at my house for you. I have special decaf pods for you at my house. Because I have empathy for that, but...

• 1:38:30Tom Segura?

  All right.

• 1:38:30Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. No, wait a minute. You know what I realized?

• 1:38:32Tom Segura?

  What's that?

• 1:38:32Speaker 01

  I never talk about I want to talk.

• 1:38:34Tom Segura?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:38:36Speaker 01

  That was pretty good. I have to throw and absorb everything you talk to me. And when I ask you for 10 minutes of my time, I don't, I can't.

• 1:38:44Tom Segura?

  Well, we covered everything already.

• 1:38:46Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:38:48Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:38:49Speaker 01

  Number one, did we talk about the cruise?

• 1:38:51Tom Segura?

  Yes! Yes, hours ago.

• 1:38:54Speaker 01

  And did I thank you enough?

• 1:38:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah, well, enough...

• 1:38:57Speaker 01

  I don't think enough...

• 1:39:00Speaker 01

  I don't think people understand the magnitude of the present. And it's not only, God knows how many million dollars you're spending doing this, including us and giving us that love.

• 1:39:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Another coffee.

• 1:39:13Speaker 01

  But it's not with alcohol.

• 1:39:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you, Heather. No, she's not dosing you. Hey, that's my royal cup. What do you think? That's from the Queen.

• 1:39:21Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 1:39:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's from the Jubilee. Pretty cool, huh? "God save the Queen." I think that's from her Platinum Jubilee.

• 1:39:29Speaker 01

  Don't be retarded.

• 1:39:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who's that?

• 1:39:32Speaker 01

  I didn't say that.

• 1:39:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who's that?

• 1:39:33Speaker 01

  How did you get that?

• 1:39:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I ordered it from...

• 1:39:35Speaker 01

  I'm very retarded.

• 1:39:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I ordered it from Buckingham Palace.

• 1:39:38Tom Segura?

  It's from, uh, from England.

• 1:39:41Speaker 01

  No, don't be retarded.

• 1:39:45Speaker 01

  And the worst part? Sounds like it's me.

• 1:39:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:39:48Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:39:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's not you.

• 1:39:50Tom Segura?

  It doesn't sound like you.

• 1:39:52Speaker 01

  So I am losing it. No, wait a minute. I might be retarded, but I'm not stupid.

• 1:39:57Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:39:58Speaker 01

  So, yes.

• 1:40:01Speaker 01

  "Both face killers is a poet from the streets. That's how I like my empties." I have no, both pain, tears is accomplished from my foot. "God save the Queen."

• 1:40:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:16Speaker 01

  The world is fat and racist.

• 1:40:20Speaker 01

  Que cosa es eso, Cristina?

• 1:40:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hello, Gavna.

• 1:40:23Tom Segura?

  Hello, Gavna!

• 1:40:24Speaker 01

  Porque suena como si fuera mi voz.

• 1:40:25Tom Segura?

  Oh, no.

• 1:40:26Speaker 01

  What's up there, chamo? That's my voice, Tommy. You like it? Tata there, retard. Tata, Tata there, retard?

• 1:40:40Speaker 01

  Is that my voice?

• 1:40:41Tom Segura?

  I don't know. Maybe it's like somebody who sounds like it.

• 1:40:45Speaker 01

  Well, then they have to pay me.

• 1:40:47Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:40:47Speaker 01

  I'll be retarded.

• 1:40:50Speaker 01

  Can I be retarded?

• 1:40:51Tom Segura?

  I don't know. You can.

• 1:40:53Speaker 01

  Who's that guy obsessed with that says I'm concerned?

• 1:40:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the guy we were just talking about on the playground. He's stuck in the playground, remember?

• 1:41:01Tom Segura?

  He's stuck in the playground, remember?

• 1:41:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  You wanted him to die a minute ago. You were happy that he would die.

• 1:41:04Speaker 01

  I don't want him to die.

• 1:41:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:41:06Speaker 01

  I don't wish that to anybody. Make it clear.

• 1:41:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Sorry, I misunderstood.

• 1:41:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:41:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry, I misunderstood.

• 1:41:12Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:41:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Forgive me, please.

• 1:41:13Tom Segura?

  Hold on, hold on.

• 1:41:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:41:14Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:41:15Speaker 01

  Any, you really need to take a shit. I know you're black and you guys do your own thing, but you still have to shit. Que cosa?

• 1:41:23Tom Segura?

  Well, there's any right there. I don't know.

• 1:41:26Speaker 01

  Any, you need to shit?

• 1:41:28Tom Segura?

  Thank you. I will. Thanks for the reminder, Katara. I appreciate you. Why did you say that?

• 1:41:33Speaker 01

  Why would I talk about stuff like that?

• 1:41:36Tom Segura?

  I don't. You say that. You've said that to me pretty much every time you've been in here.

• 1:41:39Speaker 01

  Who is this?

• 1:41:40Tom Segura?

  It's Any. It's Any, me.

• 1:41:41Speaker 01

  Any, the good-looking, the young one?

• 1:41:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah, the good-looking young one right there. He's waving at you. No, the old, ugly one. That's me.

• 1:41:46Speaker 01

  Oh, good-looking, good-looking. But I told you what?

• 1:41:51Tom Segura?

  You said you have to take a shit. I know you're black.

• 1:41:54Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:41:55Tom Segura?

  I mean, isn't that what the thing said?

• 1:41:57Speaker 01

  Eddie?

• 1:41:58Tom Segura?

  Any.

• 1:41:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  What did you say?

• 1:41:59Speaker 01

  Huh?

• 1:41:59Tom Segura?

  Any, not Eddie.

• 1:42:01Speaker 01

  Any.

• 1:42:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:02Speaker 01

  The guy said you have to shit and you can't tell me. I know you're black and you guys do your own thing, but you still have to shit.

• 1:42:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's like, because you know how like sometimes, sometimes black guys, we don't shit.

• 1:42:11Speaker 01

  I do not. No, this is not funny. I'm not taking this as funny.

• 1:42:17Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:42:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why is it?

• 1:42:18Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:42:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  No one's laughing.

• 1:42:19Speaker 01

  I can't believe you make my words to become disgusting. No way.

• 1:42:24Tom Segura?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:42:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you guys do that on AI?

• 1:42:26Speaker 01

  No, but guess what?

• 1:42:27Tom Segura?

  What?

• 1:42:28Speaker 01

  Guess what?

• 1:42:29Tom Segura?

  What?

• 1:42:30Speaker 01

  I'm taking you to buy me something.

• 1:42:36Speaker 01

  This is Charo, the real mom at your mom's house. Kick back, call your nuts, and listen to this real ass new shit. That's not me, Tommy.

• 1:42:45Tom Segura?

  No, no, no. I mean, it sounds like AI.

• 1:42:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  They did. They put this together with artificial intelligence and they're framing you. They're trying to make you say bad things.

• 1:42:54Speaker 01

  That really pisses me off.

• 1:42:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Me too.

• 1:42:57Speaker 01

  And you guys.

• 1:42:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're gonna get to the bottom of this.

• 1:42:59Speaker 01

  No, the bottom is you don't get a bit.

• 1:43:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are you talking about? After this, we're gonna scold them.

• 1:43:04Speaker 01

  It's dangerous. I want to talk about three things.

• 1:43:08Speaker 06

  Protect your neck, brother.

• 1:43:09Speaker 01

  No, no, this is serious. I know I will talk about the cruise. No, did I thank you enough?

• 1:43:17Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:43:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:43:19Speaker 01

  It made me cry. I have never, in my wildest dreams, ever imagined a trip like this.

• 1:43:26Tom Segura?

  I'm so glad that we were all able to do it.

• 1:43:28Speaker 01

  I was talking, you know, from picking us up to taking the most amazing, any human being, millionaire or billionaire could have.

• 1:43:40Speaker 01

  And I want to talk about the movie here.

• 1:43:42Tom Segura?

  Movie here, yeah.

• 1:43:43Speaker 01

  The two of you have gone above and beyond, not only inviting us, you bought a house, you lent it to us, and it's beautiful, and you are fixing everything. By the way, I need a washer and dryer, and a dry cleaner. You know a washer and dryer doesn't work. I have to say it because it's...

• 1:44:03Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I don't know.

• 1:44:04Speaker 01

  Then I forgot about the garbage. That's my fault.

• 1:44:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna go pee, Will.

• 1:44:08Speaker 01

  No, we did us through.

• 1:44:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I really have to urinate. I am a fucking Jew.

• 1:44:14Speaker 01

  I was thanking you, Tommy.

• 1:44:15Tom Segura?

  No, I know. I appreciate what you're saying.

• 1:44:17Speaker 01

  Well, pass it then, then let me thank you.

• 1:44:20Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:44:20Speaker 01

  I'm not talking. I can't hear anything.

• 1:44:23Tom Segura?

  Okay, I hear your gratitude, and it's a pleasure, and obviously...

• 1:44:29Speaker 01

  It's a pleasure. I haven't finished.

• 1:44:30Tom Segura?

  You did a pretty good job.

• 1:44:31Speaker 01

  No, Tommy, you're not going to interrupt me when I'm thinking.

• 1:44:34Tom Segura?

  I will think what we'll do is we should probably get focused on a washer and dryer that work for you.

• 1:44:39Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you, Tommy.

• 1:44:40Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 1:44:41Speaker 01

  We have two weeks of dirty clothes in the house.

• 1:44:44Tom Segura?

  I like that I had no idea, and then I just found out now.

• 1:44:48Speaker 01

  I don't have washer and dryer. I don't have a dishwasher.

• 1:44:52Tom Segura?

  Okay. The house had a dishwasher. It doesn't work?

• 1:44:55Speaker 01

  No, they didn't put a dishwasher. They took it out.

• 1:44:58Tom Segura?

  Oh, they took it out, okay.

• 1:44:59Speaker 01

  So, I want to thank the audience for thanking my husband and his wonderful wife for donating us a washer and dryer.

• 1:45:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:45:08Speaker 01

  And a dishwasher. However, I want to make sure that I never even talk about the fact about this house.

• 1:45:16Speaker 01

  Tommy and Christina were not knowing what they were getting, but they saw they were going to be excited to have us here. And they couldn't do any more than what they did. So we embarked in this trip with Jane. We took an RV with the dogs. And then from there, he took us in a cruise. That I, you said, I already talked about.

• 1:45:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we definitely talked about it.

• 1:45:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  We covered the cruise, yeah.

• 1:45:37Speaker 01

  Did I thank you enough?

• 1:45:38Tom Segura?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:45:39Speaker 01

  Did I tell any human being who hasn't dreamed in life to do this?

• 1:45:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I really did have to pee bad.

• 1:45:43Tom Segura?

  No, we're about to wrap, so just stay here.

• 1:45:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure, hold it in.

• 1:45:45Speaker 01

  Okay, then, okay, I did that. Then I want to talk about the house. I know the house is Tommy's house and Christina's house.

• 1:45:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 1:45:54Speaker 01

  But of course it's true, but you don't need to say it like that.

• 1:45:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, sorry.

• 1:45:57Speaker 01

  That was, I don't know, don't remember. Don't forget that this is my house.

• 1:46:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't say it like that.

• 1:46:02Speaker 01

  No, you said, it's true.

• 1:46:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is true, though. We do own it, we're the signers on it.

• 1:46:08Speaker 01

  I don't pay any penny, so yes, you're right. That's what I wanted to say. No, eh eh eh eh eh. I want to gra- grace the, como se dice? Record these words. I left a little house in Florida to come here and basically a mansion that I have to get used to make orders because so far I cannot tell you anything. But you were so, so, so incredible, not only generous in buying the house and fixing anything that is not working, which Tommy just granted a washer and dryer and a dishwasher.

• 1:46:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  He did?

• 1:46:42Speaker 01

  He did. You told me this.

• 1:46:43Tom Segura?

  I did. I'm thrilled to be able to do it.

• 1:46:47Speaker 01

  He's the most generous human being I know.

• 1:46:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  The most.

• 1:46:50Speaker 01

  No, no, you guys laugh whatever the word you use. Women are stupid. Excuse me?

• 1:46:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tanner.

• 1:46:59Speaker 01

  Who did that, eh?

• 1:47:00Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:47:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tanner.

• 1:47:00Speaker 01

  How can you, you?

• 1:47:02Tom Segura?

  Now, I.

• 1:47:02Speaker 01

  You run this show.

• 1:47:03Tom Segura?

  This is absolutely unacceptable.

• 1:47:05Speaker 01

  I'm going to your mother, talk.

• 1:47:06Tom Segura?

  That is unacceptable. We're gonna meet in the conference room right after this.

• 1:47:11Speaker 01

  And fire him.

• 1:47:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah. It's unbelievable. So this has been such a wild treat, the most unhinged and hectic episode.

• 1:47:18Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I was talking.

• 1:47:19Tom Segura?

  In the 15 years that we've been doing this podcast.

• 1:47:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  The time is up, though. The crew has to go home.

• 1:47:23Tom Segura?

  The crew has to go home. They have to do ads.

• 1:47:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:25Tom Segura?

  But this has been such a remarkably.

• 1:47:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 1:47:29Tom Segura?

  Interesting and.

• 1:47:31Speaker 01

  I have to say this.

• 1:47:32Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:47:32Speaker 01

  I forgot to tell you. Where did you get those mattresses?

• 1:47:39Tom Segura?

  Do you like your mattress?

• 1:47:41Speaker 01

  I like the mattress. I want to know if it has a box spring and I complete my dreams.

• 1:47:46Tom Segura?

  I'm sure, I'm sure, yeah.

• 1:47:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sponsor.

• 1:47:49Speaker 01

  So can I get it? Publicly, please?

• 1:47:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 1:47:53Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 1:47:54Speaker 01

  Okay, oh my god, it's not the yes or no, yes, can you? Yes, it is.

• 1:48:00Speaker 01

  Please?

• 1:48:01Tom Segura?

  I don't know what you're asking me?

• 1:48:02Speaker 01

  I forgot.

• 1:48:03Tom Segura?

  I don't know either.

• 1:48:03Speaker 01

  A box spring.

• 1:48:04Tom Segura?

  But thank you guys for

• 1:48:05Speaker 01

  A box spring, a box spring.

• 1:48:07Tom Segura?

  Watching.

• 1:48:07Speaker 01

  A box spring.

• 1:48:08Tom Segura?

  Thank you for listening.

• 1:48:09Speaker 01

  From the same company, God, the mattress, tell me the name.

• 1:48:11Tom Segura?

  And we will see you

• 1:48:12Speaker 01

  That's so rude.

• 1:48:12Tom Segura?

  Next week. This has been the most fun episode. We thank Charles for coming in. We thank all of you for, of course, sending in the "Hello, Gavna, Happy Birthday" videos and of course for encouraging the OnlyFans, which will be hitting the world wide web quite soon. I want to thank, of course, my lovely co-host Christine for always being here with me.

• 1:48:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you, Tim.

• 1:48:32Tom Segura?

  Our soon very reduced staff for all their misbehavior.

• 1:48:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're all getting fired.

• 1:48:37Tom Segura?

  There's people getting fired after this.

• 1:48:39Speaker 01

  For what?

• 1:48:41Tom Segura?

  And of course

• 1:48:42Speaker 01

  Tommy, wait a minute.

• 1:48:43Tom Segura?

  The great Charles for joining us.

• 1:48:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you, Charles.

• 1:48:46Tom Segura?

  And our closing song is gonna play right now. We love you guys. We'll see you soon.

• 1:48:50Speaker 01

  You're firing people for real?

• 1:48:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Because you were so unhappy.

• 1:48:56Speaker 01

  Why am I unhappy?

• 1:48:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because you hate them, you're mad.

• 1:48:59Speaker 01

  Why do you guys?

• 1:48:59Tom Segura?

  You're not hearing?

• 1:49:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, music.

• 1:49:01Tom Segura?

  It's a closing song.

• 1:49:03Speaker 01

  Hobbiton? Morning night breaks, I wake with a It is part of your show?

• 1:49:10Tom Segura?

  It's the song to close the show.

• 1:49:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shh, we're listening.

• 1:49:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I'm listening.

• 1:49:54Speaker 05

  I let one loose while tying my shoe.

• 1:50:01Speaker 05

  In the elevator, there's no one else to yell. Silent but deadly, he follows me. A quiet ghost of my gassy glee. Oh, I love smelling my thoughts. It's an art on the heart. Stinky but divine. Makes me feel so fine.

• 1:50:41Speaker 05

  People may laugh, they may frown, but I won't let that get me down. You need to fight, find some cheer. My kissing fragrance is crystal clear. Dinner was beans and now I see.

• 1:51:03Speaker 05

  My own bouquet is flattering me. A little blessed, a private delight. Makes my whole day feel alright.