Losing Your Partner (and Loving Again) with Kelly Rizzo

We are joined by Kelly Rizzo, wife of the late, great Bob Saget, to talk about losing your partner, grief, healing, and finding love again. She shares the story of how Bob slid into the DMs, why she was skeptical of dating him at first, and their love story up until his unexpected death. She opens up about the grief, coping with being a young widow, who and what helped her heal, guilt surrounding dating again, and how the love in her current relationship co-exists with the love she still has for Bob. We also discuss how you can support someone who is grieving, and she shares passages she wrote in her grief journal regarding what TO say and what NOT to say to someone dealing with such a monumental loss. Before Kelly joins us, we are discussing our love/hate relationship with flip-flops and breaking down Instagram fonts (Are story captions getting too small? What does your signature font say about you?). Enjoy! Follow Kelly on Instagram @kellyrizzo and check out her podcast Comfort Food. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order at https://quince.com/gge, AG1: Get an AG1 Flavor Sampler + free bottle of Vitamin D3 + K2 with your first subscription at https://drinkAG1.com/gge. Blissy: Get 60 nights risk free plus 30% off at https://blissy.com/gge with code GGE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm supposed to move on, or when everyone else says you're supposed to do this or not supposed to do this. And you really just learn that there are no rules.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi guys.

• 0:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Raina Doll. Don't start.

• 0:30Rayna Greenberg?

  You guys, I'm gonna die.

• 0:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just leave it.

• 0:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi guys.

• 0:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hi guys.

• 0:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. So hungover, I don't know how to function.

• 0:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  What if that was our energy, though?

• 0:41Rayna Greenberg?

  You walked in this room and I was just sitting in the dark.

• 0:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. When someone's just sitting in the dark, you're like, oh, it's dark in more ways than one. Something's wrong.

• 0:52Rayna Greenberg?

  You were like, do you need a ride today? I was like, I think I need to just be on my own.

• 0:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  On my own journey?

• 0:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Our friend Bobby's staying with me and like, I've just been upstairs in my room, just being quiet. And he was like, I'll walk you to the studio. And I was like, no, no.

• 1:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's what two drinks will do to you in your 40s, everybody.

• 1:09Rayna Greenberg?

  I really did not have a lot to drink last night.

• 1:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like, we both have not been drinking a lot. I mean, you know, I'm usually not drinking a lot and you can't, you're on tour, you're working nights now. And so.

• 1:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm a day worker and a night worker.

• 1:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  And week to week, it varies in terms of if I have a glass of wine with dinner. And this whole week, until the exception of last night, I just didn't. I had like a seltzer, I might have a little treat. I like to treat myself with something after dinner, whether it's a sweet treat, like a brownie or ice cream, but like, or just something with bubbles. And the other night I was like, do I want a glass of wine? Or do I just want like a grapefruit spin drift? And I did a spin drift and I just woke up. I felt so good. Looked so good.

• 1:52Rayna Greenberg?

  From one spinning.

• 1:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, Raina, and I'm saying not doing alcohol.

• 1:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Not doing alcohol.

• 1:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Raina's.

• 1:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Never do alcohol.

• 1:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Raina is gonna be sundowning this whole episode. I can already feel it. I was editing an episode recently and you just were not, you were grasping like half a concept. And it was because it was too late in the day.

• 2:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Ashley, you made me record on a Friday.

• 2:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  I made her. Oh, you guys, you've made me. And I don't know how this happened.

• 2:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm Raina's boss, podcast.

• 2:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm the boss here. We did a show yesterday, we did Netflix is a Joke, and it was so nice to just have you be in charge. I loved it. I just love to be in charge.

• 2:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I felt so taken care of.

• 2:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, let's thank our partners.

• 2:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, thank you to Quince. Refresh your wardrobe. Get free shipping and 365 day returns on your next order at quince.com/gge.

• 2:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  And thank you to AG1. Get an AG1 Flavor Sampler plus a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2 free with your first AG1 subscription at drinkag1.com/gge. And Blissey, wake up with clearer skin and smoother hair. Get 60 nights risk-free plus 30% off at blissy.com/gge with code GGE.

• 3:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Also yesterday, we were like planning the show. I was like, I asked you a question. I was like, how will we decide? And you were like, I'll decide.

• 3:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so the the timing of our live shows is something that I have on lock.

• 3:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 3:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  I've never been wrong.

• 3:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, you plan that.

• 3:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I just, and I, you know, I've been doing stand-up for 10 years. I have a concept of time too, and just I know how long things are gonna take. There was one incident that the show ran too long and we had to get offstage and that was because they didn't let us know there was a curfew. So sorry, Chicago 2023, that we had to rush the end of that show. But I always know where we're at and I still am impressed with myself where I'm like, it's gonna be a 90-minute show. And then alas, 90 minutes. And so Raina will be like, I just don't know if we have enough time. I don't know if it's gonna be too long, it's gonna be too short. You still are doing this 250 shows later. I don't know. I think it's gonna be too short. I think it's gonna be too long. And I'm like, why don't you just leave it to me?

• 3:59Rayna Greenberg?

  I've leaned in, okay? I've had to be in charge of my whole self this whole tour. I had to make like a really hard professional decision the other day and I was just like, I have to just do this alone?

• 4:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just all by yourself?

• 4:12Rayna Greenberg?

  And.

• 4:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wait, why? Could I help or no? Did you ask for my opinion? What was it? Is this private? Oh, yeah, yeah. That one, I said, you do you. I said, I will support you either way. I did not want to.

• 4:28Rayna Greenberg?

  You were 51% in the camp of do it.

• 4:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but I was like, I'm not gonna push you on this. So.

• 4:34Rayna Greenberg?

  But you did, you know, you did the thing. You know, you and I, I joke around, you and I work really hard at this business, obviously.

• 4:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I know. People are just like, it's the wrong idea. We also have different responsibilities.

• 4:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. So, and also, we've just been in business long enough that I do just trust you. I like, when I'm like, you just do it. It's like, I just, I know it will be done well. I don't have to worry about it.

• 4:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, thank you, guys.

• 4:56Rayna Greenberg?

  But yeah, I've just been out here being in charge of me and it's exhausting. But you weigh in on stuff. I feel, you know, you have been on tour longer than me. So like, in terms of like, what's fair to pay people? What's expected in terms of like, cover this, don't cover that. Like, I do turn to you more because it's my first tour.

• 5:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Happy to help.

• 5:13Rayna Greenberg?

  I need you to.

• 5:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Love those conversations.

• 5:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Manage me, be in charge of me.

• 5:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're wearing our matching flip flops today.

• 5:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Didn't I get you those?

• 5:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So I still, you know, I will say, I never really thought I would be back into flip flops, like thong sandals. Obviously, we all wore them for so many years. Javiana, Rainbow, I feel like that was more of a south thing. But then that was like, all we wore. And then I retired them and they kind of went out of style. And I was like, I do need more support. And now they are back and I love the look and I don't like the way they feel. And so I'm not comfortable and I don't feel stable.

• 5:47Rayna Greenberg?

  You have been saying that for a long time and yet you're always in.

• 5:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm doing it. I know. And they're so light and small to pack. But even, Shoshank and I went to dinner, which just walked to a place in our neighborhood. And I was like, I shouldn't have worn these. I don't feel secure. You know, I have a fear of slipping.

• 6:01Rayna Greenberg?

  You guys care about slipping.

• 6:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I just don't have the support. Like, we used just to roll around willy nilly, flip flopping. I'd rather wear a slide. This is just not.

• 6:12Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, it looks scary.

• 6:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love the look.

• 6:14Rayna Greenberg?

  It looks like that might snap and then you have no shoe.

• 6:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  I, exactly. And then you have a Chanel heel cover.

• 6:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I walked here in my teaks.

• 6:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Crazy.

• 6:26Rayna Greenberg?

  And I just, I'm comfy.

• 6:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do you feel comfortable?

• 6:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel ugly, but I feel like my, my feet are just out there to the world and I haven't had a pedicure in like three weeks and they are long.

• 6:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do you feel supported?

• 6:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Nothing could support me today.

• 6:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm actually surprised you're hungover in flip flops. Like I would feel so unsecure. I would feel really just not.

• 6:46Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm already so uncomfy. I was just like, yeah, who, who cares? I do look at them and they look like they're gonna snap.

• 6:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I just, I didn't think I would love the way they look with so many different outfits. And so here we are. And so just know, if you guys see me out in these streets, in these teaks, I look good, but I don't feel good.

• 7:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I've been trying to figure out something that's in between teaks and sneakers.

• 7:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Guess what I will not be doing?

• 7:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Loafers?

• 7:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 7:11Rayna Greenberg?

  I fuck with loafers.

• 7:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Ballet flats.

• 7:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Ballet flats?

• 7:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Whatever you guys want to do, and they are in style, but there's the ballet flat, I will never. And then there's this ballet flat sneaker hybrid.

• 7:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Fuck no.

• 7:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  That I refuse. No, but these are what's in and I'm, I refuse, I hate it. I personally look so stupid with the ballet flat. You wore those clear ones recently.

• 7:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't like those.

• 7:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I haven't seen them in a.

• 7:35Rayna Greenberg?

  I sold them on Poshmark.

• 7:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Raina's other job. That's why I have to run this company because Raina's busy on Poshmark.

• 7:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Busy selling everything I own. My shopping addiction. Well, I'm trying to condense three bedrooms of clothing into a one bedroom apartment at some point. But yeah, ballet flats, I would still like, because I feel like I'm tiny and I could do ballet flats. But like, I went, I did this podcast with this guy the other day and I was randomly trying to look cute. I don't know why.

• 8:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  You were, you were?

• 8:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I was trying to look kinda cute and I didn't know what shoes to wear.

• 8:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  You don't know why? Cause you're single and he's fun and good looking?

• 8:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, but I'm not gonna date that guy.

• 8:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  So what?

• 8:16Rayna Greenberg?

  You're right. That's true. I'm not, I can't take.

• 8:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  You knew what you were doing.

• 8:19Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't take him seriously. It's like a prospect, but he is cute. So I wanted to like, look cute.

• 8:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  As opposed to the last guy you slept with that you took so seriously?

• 8:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I hate him.

• 8:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  One thing about Rayna Greenberg is she does not have to take someone seriously.

• 8:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't have to take them seriously, sleep with them. He fucked pretty well. I took that seriously.

• 8:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Took that really seriously.

• 8:42Rayna Greenberg?

  I took that dead serious, actually.

• 8:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Dead ass. Okay, so you wore those clear sandals?

• 8:48Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I wore Adidas. I wore, you saw me after we recorded, I wore this brown, like, skims shapewear bodysuit. And I wore Adidas sneakers.

• 8:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like Sambas.

• 9:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I'm a Sambas girl.

• 9:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. But I just, the ballet flats are in, and this ballet flats sneaker situation, and it just couldn't be me. And this is just, whatever you want to do, this is just my taste. I think they're hideous. And if you like it, then I love that for you.

• 9:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I like a loafer.

• 9:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love a loafer.

• 9:19Rayna Greenberg?

  I take myself serious in a loafer. I'm like, she means, she's at business.

• 9:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  But then sometimes, like, I bought these, like, lug sole loafers. I was like, I look so stupid.

• 9:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I look stupid in those too.

• 9:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  My feet are too big for these.

• 9:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, they're too, like, masculine for my little body.

• 9:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, they were too masculine. Okay, so we have Kelly Rizzo on today. We will talk to her, obviously, shortly, but she's married to Bob Saget, who passed away. And we're talking about grief. And I met her at a dinner last week. Dear Media hosted this dinner with Pinterest, and we just started talking. And I just liked her immediately, and I felt comfortable with her, and I started talking shit about something in the room. They put on a great event, but there was like a thing that bothered me, has nothing to do with them.

• 10:00Rayna Greenberg?

  It is the great unifier, if you can just start talking shit with somebody about something.

• 10:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  So we just, like, kind of bonded over that, and then we got started talking. And she will share her story, but she was obviously married to Bob Saget, and she is dating someone new now. You might know who he is, and we'll talk about that with her and just all the things. So I just wanted to say, we did a grief episode when... My dog Dewey died. Very different to lose a pet, to lose a spouse that goes without saying, or a parent, or to anything. You know, a pet is different than a person. So, but I still just wanted to cite it because I do get asked about it a lot. And people message me that their pet died and they listened to it. And also people have asked, that don't know it exists, and do we have any resources like that? So anyway, it was called Pet Loss, Grief, Relief,

• 10:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  and Showing Love in February, February 8th, 2021. If you guys want to check that out. And then we had Kate Nichols, a comedian and a friend on in July of 2020. And we chatted with her about losing a parent, and her mother's breast cancer, and all sorts of things. So, those are two grief-related episodes. If you guys are looking for this, because we asked on Instagram what you guys want to talk about. And so many people respond. I mean, there's a lot of people who have obviously dealt with loss and grief. And so we just wanted to offer those additional episodes.

• 11:16Rayna Greenberg?

  It's a blind spot for me. I hate to be like, I never lost anybody. But I didn't have pets growing up. And my parents are healthy. My grandparents passed away when I was pretty young. You know, grandparents are supposed to pass away. You know, I haven't had a part. When I was 19, my boyfriend died. And that was a horrible, obviously terrible situation, but not my lifelong partner.

• 11:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 11:35Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, like, that was somebody I casually was dating. And of course, that was something really, really horrifying to struggle with. And more so when you're 19, just your immortality is really, really tough to struggle with. But I've never, like, in my adult life, lost a partner, or a pet, or anything like that. So it's a blind spot to me. And I think that from the outside, we're all thinking, like, how do I support somebody? Because you and I had a really close friend that lost her pet recently. And I said to her, like, I don't know how often you want me to check in with you about this. I don't know if you want me to bring this up every day? Because it's on my mind every day. Like, when I talk to you. But I don't know if you, do you want to be reminded of this every single day?

• 12:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  It is tough. And you just can ask your friend that. If you're close enough friends, like, how do you want me to support you? So if, obviously, it's our same friend. And I just want to keep checking in on her. She's really struggled with it a lot, obviously. Like, we all do when we lose a pet. And so I try to be a little vague. Like, I'm, just want to check in on you. How are you doing? I'm thinking about you, as opposed to mentioning The dog even like not that I would, but I'm, I'd like to keep it. I'm thinking about you. I'll send her a voice note. Do you want to talk? How, how are things going? She knows what I'm asking. You know, a lot of people, when something happens, they'll check in once and then that's it. And that's also okay. It depends on your relationship. It depends on the closeness of the friendship.

• 12:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is a really close friend of ours. You know, when Dewey passed, I had people checking in for, for weeks, months even. And then I had people who checked in once, sent flowers and that was absolutely enough, given the nature and closeness of our relationship.

• 13:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Also, this is our friend Brittany Schmidt, who's been on the show and she's talked about this publicly on her podcast and has posted about it. But sometimes you're like, well, I don't want to bring this up in case you had like an hour of peace. And you're like, and somebody's like, hey, how are you feeling? You're like, I was, I was feeling fine.

• 13:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. I know. It's crazy.

• 13:19Rayna Greenberg?

  So I come to this episode from the other side of things of like, I don't really know how to support somebody when they're like that from a lens of like, I've been through this because I know you and her have been talking so much more because you went through the same thing. But you know, I like to make everything about me and I can't make this about me. I can't be like, when this happened to me, X, Y, Z, you know? Truly, I'm just like, you gotta tell me how I can show up for you.

• 13:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's so interesting because toeing the line of your own experience too. Cause it's not about me. I went through it and here's how I dealt with it and here's how I felt day to day and week to week. And so I find myself like not, I'm not trying to bring it back to me, but it's, I think that people want to hear, how did you cope or how did you feel? And so I just think with your close friends and family, just ask these questions.

• 14:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 14:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like for, to your point, I mean, I would straight up ask my friend, do you want me to check in on you daily? Like, I don't want to bring this up if you're having

• 14:16Rayna Greenberg?

  a nice day.

• 14:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  A bit of happiness.

• 14:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. She said to me, I don't want you to bring it up a lot. She was like, you've checked in a lot and I appreciate it. And like, I'll tell you if I want to talk about it. And I was like, that, yeah, great. But like, you know, I think we all want to say in any situation, I've been through X, Y, Z. And this is how long it took me to get over it. This is how long, like, I think that like, quote unquote, it's healthy to dwell on it. This is when like breakups, anything, you know, I think, I think to your experience with Dewey makes sense. Cause it's like, well, how long until you felt better? I think people are like, I want to know how long until I stopped feeling so bad.

• 14:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I just think most people. Want to be checked in on. I think you can do it in a vague way, but again, if they don't, I think they will tell you. But I mean, someone who loses a parent or a child or a spouse, I mean, we'll talk about this today with Kelly. You're on my mind every day. If you're a close friend of mine and I want you to know, I'm thinking about you and I'm not forgetting about it. And so it is just really trying to find that that balance. Losing somebody really close to you like that, I don't think you have many moments where you're not thinking about it. And I get served like content like this sometimes from women who have lost their mom and they're like, it's my whole identity. It affects every, every moment of every day and every decision

• 15:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  that I make in my entire life. And again, that's not everybody's experience. But, you know, so it is interesting how much people want. You just have to like ask them and see there's no harm in that. Everyone's different. So there is no way to know like this. There is no like rulebook or playbook.

• 15:46Rayna Greenberg?

  So we'll get into it more with her.

• 15:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 15:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Her story.

• 15:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Well, I wanted to chat with this article with you. I saw this and it's one of these debatable topics. This was in Bustle, not the cut. So surprising.

• 15:58Rayna Greenberg?

  I did see another article on the cut the other day. I was like, we gotta stop.

• 16:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  We gotta stop. They're gonna send us a

• 16:02Rayna Greenberg?

  I know. They're gonna be like, guys, get your own podcast.

• 16:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so the title is your Instagram story text is too damn small. Tiny type is sweeping Instagram and violating the social contract of social media. If it's an art form, then it's an art form of being annoying. I guess that's like someone's quote, but it says she opens it up as of late scrolling through social media feels like I'm in an ophthalmologist appointment, like I'm undergoing a non-consensual vision exercise because the text everyone's slapping on their Instagram stories seems to be getting smaller and smaller by the day.

• 16:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you agree that you find that it's getting smaller and smaller?

• 16:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, not small. It's like some people do it or some people don't.

• 16:39Rayna Greenberg?

  When it's too big, it feels very boomer to me.

• 16:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Like sometimes I write something really big and I'm like, should I be embarrassed? I don't know how boomerish is this of me, but like really small. I'm just like, what am I doing here?

• 16:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  I do not want someone to have to screenshot it and zoom in, grow up. That is attention seeking, pick me behavior. It's the same as like people intentionally vague because they're trying to like, you know, sympathy trap or what I get attention. But I do it smaller sometimes, just as an aesthetic, it's readable. And if it's something that maybe I am just trying to say more subtly, or I'm trying to be humble about something, or I don't know. And then sometimes I write a giant, I'm screaming. It feels like how I'm saying the thing in my head.

• 17:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 17:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's the size of the text.

• 17:28Rayna Greenberg?

  It depends on how much, I want people to buy the tickets that we sell. I want people to buy my Poshmark stuff. I want people to shop our affiliate links. Like that stuff I make really big. I want, I'm not doing small stuff. It's not like in our form that I need to lean into. I think you and I are funny. And if I say something, I want to say it with my whole chest. I think if I'm being silly, I want to just be silly.

• 17:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I support people doing small texts if they want to feel a little artsy in that moment. If I can't read it, if I have to actually screenshot and zoom in, get fucked. But otherwise, if it's readable, even if it's tiny, I support you. Shashank's a small, small type guy.

• 18:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. Can I just tell you, Shashank, I never know what he's posting. And at least three times a week, I'm like, I want to text him and ask him what this is about. And for three years, honestly, I've just been like, let him cook. Like I can't, I don't know what to do. And

• 18:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm supposed to know.

• 18:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Multiple times a week, I want to message him and be like, what is this about? Like, it'll just be like a landscape or a car or a house or like a thing. I'm just like, I don't, what is this about? But like, I'm just like, I gotta let him cook. I don't know.

• 18:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's, it's, he's just, it's his niche interests.

• 18:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you understand it today?

• 18:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know that it's just something he likes.

• 18:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I just.

• 18:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's like, he likes architecture and cars and music and deep cuts and Mac Miller and.

• 18:47Rayna Greenberg?

  So a lot of times it's a building and I'm like,

• 18:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  You just need to start trolling it. What is this? Why?

• 18:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I want to ask him all the time.

• 18:58Rayna Greenberg?

  And then the like urge passes where I'm sometimes just like, I gotta let people live. I gotta let people just like be who they are. I can't just be in Shoshak's comments every day like, what does this mean?

• 19:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just do it. Who cares?

• 19:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 19:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Make them answer. Okay, so there's just a couple quotes of the article I think that are interesting. So someone says, whenever I have done it, though I don't do it often, it's because I'm using my small voice. It's not something that I necessarily want people to feel that they need to read. You can be a passive consumer of the main visual image, but if you're interested in the fine print, it's there for you. Okay, I sort of get that. Like, that is sometimes how I feel. Like, I'm like, the, the copy is the least important part of this post.

• 19:32Rayna Greenberg?

  The only real problem I have in this world with Instagram is too much, too much text. Who's reading this? Who is this for? Well, all this information.

• 19:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I do that. I'll fill a screen if it's about like a political thing.

• 19:49Rayna Greenberg?

  You don't abuse it. Some people abuse it.

• 19:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, right. It's their journal.

• 19:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes. Some people, like some food bloggers like go to the grocery store and the Instagram story, like seven different things at the grocery store and they explain to you why they like it. And I'm like, I didn't need this.

• 20:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  You write a cookbook.

• 20:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 20:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is, should be in a doc somewhere and you should print it later.

• 20:06Rayna Greenberg?

  And like, make this a feed post and like, it'll be my business if I read this later, but don't, don't put this across my desk and make me do this.

• 20:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  And make me hold it down with my thumb. I'm with you, but I'll fill a screen. I have something to say.

• 20:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 20:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you're right, like use it sparingly.

• 20:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, don't abuse it.

• 20:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do you have a signature font?

• 20:25Rayna Greenberg?

  I have just been going back and forth a lot. Okay, sometimes I notice that you and I have been doing the same font for like a few days. And I'm like, I gotta switch up the font. And I go back and I do deco a lot when I'm trying to be like classy. I do deco.

• 20:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, wait, let me see their names. Okay, so we have the Instagram story fonts, modern, classic, signature, editor, poster, bubble, deco, squeeze, typewriter, strong, meme, elegant, directional. Who's ever used that? And literature.

• 20:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Wait, I think signature is the one I use the most, right? That's like the pretty one. I'll show you my Instagram.

• 20:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  This one?

• 20:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Is this a signature?

• 20:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 20:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Which one's that?

• 20:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's poster.

• 21:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, so my number one is poster.

• 21:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  You do like poster, yes.

• 21:03Rayna Greenberg?

  But sometimes I'm just like, I feel like I'm just taking it too far. Like, it's just, it is too big and it's just, it's too design-y for what we're doing here. And so I do deco.

• 21:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's serif. It's, it's the difference between a serif and a sans serif.

• 21:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh huh. I like deco if I'm trying to communicate information. Like, I want you to take this seriously.

• 21:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Our girl's gotta eat signature. We've decided.

• 21:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Ashley decided it's classy.

• 21:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it's classy.

• 21:24Rayna Greenberg?

  And I like, I like a classic every once in a while. Classic just means, I mean, business, you know? I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to jazz it up. I just want to disseminate a little bit of information in a way that's just, you know, it feels like home.

• 21:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Classic is me every day. If I veer from it, it's, I'm making a statement. Like, if, you know, I would have used a signature or a elegant for some of my, like, maybe my wedding stuff or something like that. And I love when they do a holiday font, the Halloween font.

• 21:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, but do you, if you have classic on a few Instagram stories, will you switch to another one while those stories are still up?

• 22:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, because it's not that serious. I take it that seriously. Like, I'm like, I'm taking this way too seriously. Yeah, I'll switch it up, but I, you know what? When all the new ones came out, I was like, am I really still gonna go do classic with all these other options? And for a while, I was in my poster era. I like strong. Strong is strong.

• 22:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Which one's strong?

• 22:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Strong is just, it's got a little slant. It's bold.

• 22:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I do not like strong.

• 22:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, you hate strong. You know what I'll never do? Meme. Meme is like a Comic Sans.

• 22:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Let me see it. Strong is egregious. I don't like it. Who is using meme?

• 22:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  The same people that use Comic Sans.

• 22:34Rayna Greenberg?

  What's the one next to meme? I hate that one, too.

• 22:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Elegant.

• 22:37Rayna Greenberg?

  That is, that looks like Disney adults.

• 22:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my gosh. I didn't see that coming. Okay. Deco's cute. Yeah, squeeze is fun sometimes. Taylor Frost, our friend, squeeze giant.

• 22:47Rayna Greenberg?

  All the time.

• 22:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Always.

• 22:48Rayna Greenberg?

  It's not for me. It's really not for me. She's cooler than I am and she can do whatever she wants.

• 22:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, well, let us know what your guy's signature font is.

• 22:56Rayna Greenberg?

  I think about this a lot.

• 22:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  I do, too.

• 22:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Can I tell you what I hate doing? Feed posts. I hate them.

• 23:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  What do you mean?

• 23:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I just get really nervous about captions. I'm just not that, I'm not a caption, I'm a clever caption person. And I just get like really nervous every time I'm gonna post a feed post. I hate it.

• 23:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is this a hard launch of how many times I've written your captions?

• 23:16Rayna Greenberg?

  You write my captions a lot. You leave really good comments. Like it's not an art form I'm good at. And I think I'm really funny, but I'm not good at, you leave really good comments.

• 23:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  You leave good comments.

• 23:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Shushank leaves really good comments. Like he's funny. I'm not good at it. Like I feel like I just tweeting was never an art for me.

• 23:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Yeah. So you haven't been training.

• 23:37Rayna Greenberg?

  But like, how does one train?

• 23:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know. I mean, I'm also like a memer. Like I love short, quippy internet shit.

• 23:45Rayna Greenberg?

  You do. I'm not, it's just, it's not of me.

• 23:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Yeah.

• 23:48Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I get nervous about all that stuff. I'm just like, every once in a while, something strikes me and I can just be like a ridiculous person. I like that.

• 23:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't write them all. It's, I'll do like one a quarter. That one time we had like a workshopping thing. We all came up with it together in Greece, I think. Okay. Well, let's thank our partners and then we will get into it with Kelly. I am telling you guys about Blissie. How good is my hair look today?

• 24:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Actually, I can't believe how it looks. It's crazy.

• 24:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  I really, I really did it, you guys. I really figured out my hair. And this is one of the main things, I promise you, is the silk pillowcases. So I was noticing so much breakage and I could literally see it in the morning. I was waking up and my hair just looked frizzy and I was sleeping on good bedding, but not silk. And so this was a journey I started at the, earlier at the beginning of the year and switched to silk pillowcases. And it's such a difference. I wake up, my hair looks like it did when I went to sleep. It's not breaking. And it also is great for your skin too. So, I mean, better hair in days, truly. It reduces frizz, breakage and preserves styles and color and also healthier skin.

• 24:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  So it can reduce those fine lines and wrinkles and sleep creases and also helps prevent breakouts as well. Blissie pillowcases are the highest quality silk. It is that 100% pure mulberry silk. That's what you need. Satin's not going to do it. And it's naturally cooling, breathable, hydrating, hypoallergenic, dermatologist tested and recommended. I literally bring these with me when I travel. I've forgotten a couple and I don't want to talk about it, but they zip on and off super easy. So you can bring them with you to travel. If I were you, the day that you're going to leave, set yourself a reminder in your phone to take your pillowcase and don't be like me. Cause. They're not cheap and I believe in them. So these are incredible. Again, over three million sold. They're featured in Vogue, Oprah Daily, Good Morning America, 13 times award-winning amazing gift.

• 25:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  The sleep mask is incredible too. I mean, they pillow mist, but we're really focused on the pillowcases and it will change your hair and skin. You guys like truly just trust me. People are asking like, what are you doing? And it's weird when this is like the top thing I say, my pillowcases. But I really stand by it and I endorse it fully. So because you guys are listeners, Blissie is offering 60 nights risk-free plus an additional 30% off when you shop at blissy.com/gge. That's B L I S S Y dot com slash G G E and use code G G E to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you.

• 26:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. And if you guys want to be a little more intentional about what you wear day to day and lead into pieces that feel kind of like effortless and comfortable and look put together. We're going to put you onto Quince. Ashley and I love it. They've been a long time partner of the show. And we used to record this podcast in sweats every day and I loved it. I was comfy. But you and I both made this decision to like, look a little more intentional when we record. And it, I think in order to do that, you don't need really expensive pieces. You just need stuff that like fits nicely and looks like crisp and nice and just will stand the test of time. And so even if it's just like a white t-shirt and like a solid pair of jeans, it's just something that like looks intentionally put together and you can get those basic pieces on Quince. I truly love what they do. They use premium materials. They have European linen and organic cotton and ultra soft denim.

• 26:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is Quince, the top. It's a couple of years old. It holds up amazingly. This is cashmere. Does it not look perfect? How many times have I worn this? I've worn it a lot. I've washed it a ton.

• 27:05Rayna Greenberg?

  No pilling.

• 27:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  No pilling at all. I mean, to have cashmere that doesn't pill and I hang dry it. You can't, whatever the tag says, but I just again, washed this in the washer on regular and hang dry it. And I mean, I've worn this so many different times. It looks brand new.

• 27:21Rayna Greenberg?

  And I think that like for the price, you don't actually expect the quality because their prices are unbelievable. And you do get what you pay for usually where you're like, okay, I can buy a dupe of something. It's a little less money, but that's not the case with them at all. We just absolutely love the price. And the quality. And so you should check out what they have. And they not only have clothing, they have great stuff for summer travel. If you want some new luggage, if you want to update your spring wardrobe, if you want some jewelry and any kind of accessories, they have all of that. You can refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com/gge for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash G G E for free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash G G.

• 28:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. And I am telling you guys about AG1. It is so important to take care of your health. And there are just little things that you can start your day and will really help you feel your best. AG1 is going to be that for you. One scoop, eight ounces of water every morning. That's it. It is a daily health drink with a multivitamin, pre and probiotics, superfoods, and antioxidants. So the next gen formula delivers 75 plus ingredients backed by four clinical trials. It's going to support your gut health. So important. Fill the common nutrient gaps that we all have and improve key nutrient levels within three months. So we are getting into summers coming up, lots of travel. I mean, everyone's probably got a trip planned. And these are the times that can really take a toll on your immune system and make you feel tired and sluggish. And so anything like that, whatever you have going on, late nights, long weekends,

• 28:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  spontaneous plans, AG1 can help keep this one thing consistent, which is that high quality nutritional support every single day, no matter where you start your morning. So we love this. We have been talking about it for years. And again, you're just going to do that one scoop, ice cold water, shake it up or stir it. And just great way to start the day. So AG1 has over 50,000 verified five star reviews and comes with a 90 day money back guarantee. Visit drinkag1.com slash G G E to get a free AG1 flavor sampler and a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2 in your AG1 welcome kit when you first subscribe. That's a $72 value. That's drinkag1.com slash G G E. drinkag1.com slash G G E. Okay.

• 29:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Let's get into it.

• 29:29Rayna Greenberg?

  All right, guys, we are very excited to welcome our guest today. She is best known for her award-winning lifestyle and travel media brand Eat Travel Rock, and she is the host of the podcast Comfort Food. Please welcome to the show Kelly Rizzo.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you so much for having me. This is so exciting. I was just giddy the whole drive here.

• 29:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're so glad to have you. We met last week.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  We did. Our little meet cute was that our chairs were back to back and there was a photographer that was just like flash bombing the entire group. And we were looking at each other. We're like, is that normal? Like, that's not okay. Like, we were blinded by this person.

• 30:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Blinded. Like, I feel like I was getting brain damage. And I was just like, who in the room can I talk shit with? And I just, upon meeting you, I was just like, so how about that flash?

• 30:16Speaker 01

  Right. But you said the thing that I had been thinking for the past hour, and all I wanted to do was to commiserate with somebody because it was so egregious.

• 30:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Sometimes you say it to the wrong person and they tell you to just like relax. Or they're like, it's not a big deal. And you're like, I'm on an island here, but with the hate in my heart, and I need to give it to somebody.

• 30:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Or they didn't even flag it. Like, are we not built the same? Are you not realizing what's happening in the room?

• 30:40Speaker 01

  I just immediately felt a safe place with you to talk shit about this flash. That was just so awful.

• 30:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  So now we're here we are.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  So now here we are.

• 30:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  To talk about grief.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  A week later.

• 30:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Ashley was really excited to tell me that she met you and pitched pitched the episode idea. And yeah, she seemed very invigorated from this dinner.

• 31:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, you know, it's going to be a heavier topic, but we're going to keep it as light as we can.

• 31:04Speaker 01

  I don't know. I've always.

• 31:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, tell us.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Because I'm four and a half years out now from my grief experience, you know, I've even soon after, I tried to talk about it in a lighter way because it's heavy enough. It's heavy, it's heavy enough. There's enough sad. I mean, there you can follow, if you want to the sad stuff, follow like a grief therapist or, you know, somebody who's really in that world. To get the sad stuff, but I was like, I can't like, I was married to comedian who experienced enough grief in his life that he taught me that it's okay to laugh at everything.

• 31:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love that. So you were married to Bob Saget?

• 31:48Rayna Greenberg?

  America's father.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  I grew up with him. He like raised me.

• 31:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  And when he passed, I mean, you realize just how beloved he was.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  What a gift. What a true blessing that still, still to this day. I mean, he had it when he was alive, like anywhere we'd go, if we were walking through an airport or walking down the street, he would have people come up to him. I'm not joking and just start crying and be like, you don't understand. You raised me. Or I didn't have a dad and you were like my dad or like my real father abandoned me and you were there for me like, and these people would just cry and get emotional and he would be like, oh, thank you. And I'd be like,

• 32:31Speaker 01

  isn't that amazing? He's like, well, yeah, I've been getting it for 40 years, you know, and I'm like, but they're crying and I would get emotional and he was just so, he was always still so touched by it, but he was kind of used to it after a while. Like it was normal to him, but when I came along, I'm like, that's so incredible. And then now that's kind of trickled down to me a little bit. Like now I get all these stories, you know, people will come up to me and be like, you don't understand what he did for me or how wonderful he was. And, you know, I still get people send me pictures of them with him from 30 years ago and it's so special.

• 33:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  A lot of people, they become really well known for one thing and then they are out of it. And did he still appreciate all of the Full House? Like,

• 33:10Speaker 01

  He went through a phase where he didn't.

• 33:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  I understand.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  He was so known for family television with like Full House and America's Funniest Home Videos.

• 33:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I never knew that he was a comedian growing up and I remember seeing him on Entourage and it was the character was so dirty. I mean, he was like, sleeping with the prostitutes next door. And I was like, this is so funny. Like, yeah, like dad?

• 33:36Speaker 01

  He's naughty. Right. And like his real life persona was somewhere in between Entourage and Danny Tanner. It was like exactly halfway in the middle because he wore, you know, the black robes with the cigar by the pool. Like he did in Entourage. Like that's really who he was. But at the same time, you know, he was sweet and wanted to hug everybody and was a neat freak. And, you know, he was, he was, he was both. But because he had done so much family television, like he was doing

• 34:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  I forgot about America's Funniest Videos.

• 34:09Speaker 01

  And Full House at the same time.

• 34:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally, yes.

• 34:11Speaker 01

  So he was working like eighteen hour days. He would be on set at Full House all day and then go straight to America's Funniest Home Videos and write the show, do the voices and record the live show.

• 34:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 34:20Speaker 01

  So he was, like, that was his whole life. But he was a comedian, I mean, stand up way before Full House. Since the seventies, like since he was seventeen when he started. So he had been doing that and he would, you know, he had his blue, like irreverent kind of toilet humor type of comedy. And then he does all this family television and in his mind, he's like, they're not letting me be funny. And I'm like, but you were so funny. Like, he was so good.

• 34:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  As Danny Tanner. Like, it was so funny and that cast together, the chemistry they had. That's why the show's still around. That's why people are still watching because it's still that good. But in his mind, he's like, it's not the funny I want to be.

• 35:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it was a different type of funny. I just, I didn't know. Like, I, it was so wholesome. I was like, what do you mean he's a comedian? I did not grow up knowing that.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  And then when you find out what his comedy was like, you're like, what?

• 35:12Rayna Greenberg?

  That was so cool to me that you could, like, be in both lanes.

• 35:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it makes so much sense that he was in between.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Right.

• 35:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, and we have hung out with Larry David on a few occasions and we're like, he is that person.

• 35:24Speaker 01

  He's that, yeah.

• 35:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Our friend is married to him, where it's just like, he's just an exaggerated version of himself on Curb. And a friend is a director who's working on Bridgerton. And he was like, most actors are a version of who they are in real life. So if an actor is always playing an asshole, chances are that is like who they are. Like, people don't stray too far.

• 35:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. But then he did a full one eighty and after all that family television, he's like, I want people to see me for the comedy I want to put out there. So then that's when he went, like, if you see his HBO special from, I think, like, early two thousands, I think it was called, like, That Ain't Right. I mean, the jokes were dirty. He's like, I'm showing people who I really am.

• 36:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  You know, then he kind of found a happy medium, like, down the road. And then really, the last few years is when he really started to appreciate the Full House stuff. He was really shying away from it. And then I think it was in COVID because he started, he started on TikTok. And he started doing, like, little Danny Tanner bits and Full House bits. And he was like vacuuming the inside of our fridge and things like that. And He was like, all right, I kind of like it. I shouldn't, I shouldn't push it away. I should embrace it.

• 36:34Rayna Greenberg?

  But maybe he felt like the world has already seen him in another light. It's fine to go back now, you know?

• 36:39Speaker 01

  He's like, people love it. Like, why am I, why am I pushing it away? Like, why don't I embrace it? This is what people love and I want to make, ultimately, I just want to make people happy and entertain them. So this is what the people want. This is what I'll give them.

• 36:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  And the people that appreciate his stand up and the dirtier stuff, the specials are there and they, that's for that audience as well. We've spanned both types of audiences.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  If you're seven years old and want to watch Full House, or if you want to watch The Aristocrats, like, no matter which way you go.

• 37:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Wait, can I tell you a Full House thing that happened to me like two days ago? I was on this podcast and I was like flirting with this guy. He was like, we're just flirting with each other. And he was like, you know, you remind me of, and I was like, who? And he was like the neighbor from Full House.

• 37:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Gia?

• 37:21Rayna Greenberg?

  And I was like, Kimmy Gibbler?

• 37:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Kimmy Gibbler?

• 37:24Rayna Greenberg?

  And he was like, is that bad? And I was like, it feels bad.

• 37:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 37:29Rayna Greenberg?

  And I like, and then I looked it up and I was like, I do kind of see it.

• 37:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Looks wise?

• 37:34Speaker 01

  Well, for what it's worth, Andrea Barber, who plays Kimmy Gibbler, is a gem of a human being. And she is just such a doll and I love her. And you know what? Kimmy Gibbler was a great character.

• 37:47Rayna Greenberg?

  It was a great character. I see she was supposed to be kind of annoying. She just like blew into the house.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  And she was supposed to drive the adults nuts, especially.

• 37:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I love that about her.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  She did such, she did a great job.

• 37:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  I said Gia initially, which Gia was the bad friend.

• 38:01Speaker 01

  Oh, but I love Gia.

• 38:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. Like, and who's actress?

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Marla Sokoloff.

• 38:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. So like, I just, she's the one that sticks out to me. Cause I was also like, kind of scared.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  She was so cool.

• 38:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's smoking in the bathroom.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  Oh my God, she was so cool.

• 38:12Rayna Greenberg?

  But Kimmy Gibbler was not cool. I wanted to be Gia.

• 38:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think she was though.

• 38:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Kimmy Gibbler was not supposed to be cool. I think she was supposed to be annoying.

• 38:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  She was a Gia.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  She was like

• 38:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  She wasn't Seabrook. No, she wasn't fully.

• 38:24Speaker 01

  Blew into the house. It was just kind of like annoying with the top.

• 38:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, she was quirky and eccentric.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm gonna go watch an episode.

• 38:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Nerdy.

• 38:31Speaker 01

  Right.

• 38:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so the short story, Bob saw you and Raya and was like, I'm too famous to to use Raya. I'm gonna circumvent this.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  To use it the normal way.

• 38:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  And find her.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  On Instagram, got someone else to give you a heads up. He was sliding in.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  And that's how you guys got together.

• 38:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's he's slid into the old DMs and I got this message like Bob Saget's gonna message you on Instagram. I was like, it's weird that you get a heads up for that, but okay, so.

• 38:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like from a friend, you mean?

• 39:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, from a friend. She, I think she called me on the phone, like an old fashioned phone call.

• 39:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Heads up.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  I was like, hey.

• 39:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bob's coming.

• 39:06Speaker 01

  He, right. And so I was like, I wonder if it already happened. So I checked my DMs and I've never told anyone this story, but I was actually sitting in my ex-husband's restaurant that he owned at the time. So I'm in my ex-husband's restaurant and he's actually, because he's a restaurant owner, he just happened to be sitting at my booth with me and my friends, just saying hi. We're friends.

• 39:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  And I remember he was sitting there and I get, I was like, guys, Bob Saget just messaged me. And I remember my ex was like, what? That's weird. He's like, I gotta go. So he like got up and left. But my girlfriends were like, what? What? And I remember I was like, oh, that's so weird. Like, I don't even know what to say to him. But it was exactly 10 years ago, like this month.

• 39:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 39:51Speaker 01

  He's how much older than you? 20?

• 39:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  23 years.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  Or have you, had you dated men that were that much older than you? Okay, so that was like a huge age range for you.

• 39:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Huge. I mean, I think maybe it was like a couple of years older.

• 40:01Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 40:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Not, certainly not 23. And had you dated anyone famous? I mean, in entertainment?

• 40:06Speaker 01

  I mean, I wouldn't say like seriously dated, you know, like dates, yes, but not seriously.

• 40:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right, yeah.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  Never a relationship necessarily.

• 40:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  And did you want to get married again after being married?

• 40:17Speaker 01

  I was open to it, but I wasn't, and at the time I wasn't completely sure if I wanted kids. I wanted the option.

• 40:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 40:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. But I knew I didn't want to, but I was like, well, it's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to have kids, so I want the option. And then I was just really caught off guard because I was like, what do I do with this?

• 40:37Rayna Greenberg?

  What did he say? Just, hey, it's Bob?

• 40:40Speaker 01

  Oh, I literally, I posted this on my Instagram a few days ago because it was the 10 year anniversary of this post. And he said, like, hey, Kelly, I would love to invite you to a show and take you out for some burgers and lobsters. Cause he saw I was like a foodie and he was like, if that's not too forward, best Bob Saget.

• 40:57Rayna Greenberg?

  He signed his Instagram message, Bob Saget, like all of our dads do.

• 41:01Speaker 01

  Best Bob Saget.

• 41:02Rayna Greenberg?

  My dad's like, love dad.

• 41:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  I was riveted by, I was hanging on every word of what did the DM say? I love this.

• 41:07Speaker 01

  Would love to invite, would love to invite you to, I think he said, if it's not too forward twice. I think he said that in the same message.

• 41:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's nervous.

• 41:14Speaker 01

  Right. And then I was just like, hey, Bob, uh, great to hear from you. Would love to check out a show if you're ever in Chicago and haha, love me some burgers and lobsters.

• 41:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Isn't it so funny to look back at those first messages and think like,

• 41:29Speaker 01

  I married him. Right. And then he said, like, wow, Kelly, thanks for responding. Quite flattered.

• 41:34Rayna Greenberg?

  No.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  Or like flattered you responded so quickly.

• 41:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, he insulted you.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  And then part of me was like, did I?

• 41:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Kelly, you are so thirsty.

• 41:42Speaker 01

  I know.

• 41:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Do less, Kelly. Love Bob Saget.

• 41:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do less.

• 41:48Rayna Greenberg?

  So did it happen quickly?

• 41:50Speaker 01

  Like, so, you know, I was living in Chicago and he was obviously in LA. But a few weeks later, I was going to LA for some meetings. And so he's like, can I help set you up on some meetings? And I was like, I've heard these stories of a older Hollywood person trying to help me out. Like, no, thank you. I'm not looking for that. And that sounds like I know you have a one track mind and I'm not interested in that. And he's like, no, no, no, I promise. I just, I think you're talented.

• 42:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I want to help you.

• 42:18Speaker 01

  Right. But I, you know, I didn't know. And I was like, I, I was like, I don't know what to do. And he's like, I promise. I think you're talented. I just want to help you out. And I was like, okay, fine. So he set me up on a couple of meetings. And then he's like, can I take you out to dinner when you're here? I was like, I knew it. Like that's, like, there was something.

• 42:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  You had an ulterior motive.

• 42:39Rayna Greenberg?

  He's like, well, obviously.

• 42:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Probably on the internet. I'm trying to sleep with you.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  I was like, you can come to dinner with me and my manager and her assistant.

• 42:48Speaker 01

  And so he came out to dinner with the three of us. Four nights in a row. Yeah, four nights in a row. And then

• 42:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bob is like, is this fucking serious? I have two chaperones, four nights in a row.

• 43:02Speaker 01

  I had a babysitter date, four nights in a row.

• 43:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  When did he finally get you alone?

• 43:06Speaker 01

  So what happened was by like date three, group date three, I think one night, we had our first kiss. I've literally never told anybody this before. We had our first kiss, I think maybe date one or two. But I was still kind of like, yeah, this like, this is weird. I can't have a crush on Bob Sackett. That's weird. You know, like

• 43:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, was the age in your mind? Like

• 43:30Speaker 01

  The age was in my mind. It was still like

• 43:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  How old were you at the time?

• 43:35Speaker 01

  I still felt like this is too removed for me. Like I'm a Chicago gal. Like this is this guy who I've no, I used to watch when I was 10 years old at my grandma's house, like on Sundays, watching America's Funniest One videos. Like what? It was, it was too, it was too weird. Right. But he was so unbelievably awesome and just chill and fun and quirky and neurotic and just all the things that you'd want him to be. And I was like, I can't not give it a chance. Like he's too wonderful. And he really is nice. Like he really likes me. He's really clearly like pursuing this. If he's coming out to dinner with like

• 44:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 44:14Speaker 01

  A chaperone date three times in a row. And finally, by the last night, he was like, look. I was like, oh, are you coming out to dinner tonight with us? And it's my friend's birthday. And so want to come to my friend's birthday dinner? And he's like, you know,

• 44:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm gonna have this, Kelly.

• 44:29Speaker 01

  Right. He's like, I like you and I just don't feel like you're attracted to me or that you like me in that way. And so I'm just, you know, if it's okay, I think I'm just going to pass on dinner. Cause you know, I kind of like you in this way. It just doesn't seem like it's reciprocated.

• 44:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 44:47Speaker 01

  And then it just hit me. I was like,

• 44:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  I do like him.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  And I go, well, what if I am attracted to you? What, what if I do like you in that way? He goes, what time's dinner?

• 44:56Speaker 01

  And then he came out again. Really? Yeah. And then after that, it was It was on? It was just on, yeah. And I went back to Chicago and then we met up again a month later in Vegas for our first official date. Love that. Our first solo date. Okay. Without others. And then, yeah. And then you moved out here? And then, yeah, 10 months later, moved out here, got engaged nine months after that, and then married a year after that. Wow. Yeah, it was crazy.

• 45:22Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, obviously, we're going to talk about the last funny parts of the relationship and his sudden passing. And we, we've done a little bit of episodes about this with pet loss and parent loss, but never partner loss and sudden partner loss. And you were so young, you're not supposed to lose a partner at that age. No one's supposed to lose a partner, but, you know, he wasn't elderly. And we asked our audience, and people just had so many questions about grief and how they wanted to be supported, and how can I support other people? And like, what's okay to say? When am I allowed to move on? And what about when everybody else moves on, but I haven't moved on? And so I don't know where you want to start, but...

• 45:57Speaker 01

  Well, I like what you just said about, like, supposed to, and I'm supposed to move on, or when everyone else says you're supposed to do this or not supposed to do this. And you really just learn that there are no rules.

• 46:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  And there's no, you're not supposed to do anything. You know, I mean, there's some basic societal, like, okay, maybe don't start dating somebody else a week later. You know, like, like, there's some things that are kind of universal, where most people who are at least in a true loving relationship, that would not even be an option for them.

• 46:33Rayna Greenberg?

  For sure.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  But for the most part, you know, widows do get so much hate or grief for, let's say, moving forward. I don't even like to say moving on, moving forward.

• 46:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  And whereas, let's say, widowers don't.

• 46:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  It is kind of a double standard.

• 46:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  Unfortunately. And you know, I didn't know any young widows before. I didn't, I was not in this world. It was not in my zeitgeist. I had nothing on my radar for it. So like, I didn't know what was appropriate or what wasn't appropriate. All I knew about widows was like what my Sicilian grandmother would have been like wearing black for 500 years and like little old ladies walking the streets of Sicily. Like, that's what I pictured.

• 47:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm hmm.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  You know?

• 47:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  And especially when you're young and especially in today's world, it's just a totally different world. And to just know that however you are processing it and however you need to go about your life to feel safe and to feel okay as best as you can, because you're not going to feel okay for a while. But however you can get there and whatever makes sense for you is fine. Like, if you don't want to date ever again.

• 47:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Some people.

• 47:53Speaker 01

  That's fine.

• 47:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And some people have this. My spouse is dead and that's it for me. I think my, my best friend's mom, their dad died really young and she never dated again and she focused on her children and she lives with them now. And, you know, my brother's wife, their dad died young and again, the mom raised all the kids and I mean, 10, 20 years later, now she's engaged again to a widower as well. They were from the same hometown and now it's just like a beautiful story. They found each other. And I mean, you also see people move on, move forward.

• 48:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Shortly thereafter. I mean, and there's no wrong or right. I'm, I'm curious about your just grief timeline or journey. I mean, again, this was, we don't need you to replay the aftermath. This was sudden. It wasn't, it was unexpected. And so how was that next year even, year or two?

• 48:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. So for me, the first year was awful.

• 48:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  It's such an absolute change of everything in your life. Like, everything's different.

• 48:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean.

• 49:00Speaker 01

  And every meter life goes like from this to this, it's just turned upside down completely. And it's just so disorienting, especially, you know, well, in my situation where, you know, Bob was, he was such a caretaker, like he handled so much stuff. And I mean, he called himself Batman. Like he's like, I, I handle my shit. I take care of everybody. I am the guy. I'm like, the book stops here, you know, and he like to have him gone. And especially in such a way where I'm like, you know, he was this six foot four, big, like larger than life guy, and that he just like falls and hits his head and then just never comes home again. Like, it was so weird and so strange that it just didn't compute. It like, didn't make sense. I mean, that was a big thing for me. I was saying, like, it doesn't compute.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  Like, how could he, who, like, he called himself Batman? Like, he was so strong. You're also dealing with that.

• 49:53Rayna Greenberg?

  I didn't have time to like warn this while he was alive.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Or even explain.

• 49:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Understand it.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  Right. We just assumed it was like a heart attack or something for a while. And then we find out like he hit his head. We're like, what?

• 50:03Rayna Greenberg?

  And I want to rewind to something you said a minute ago, was like, you, when you think about like, this identity of being a widow now, you do think of like grandmas. And you're like, I'm not supposed to be in this camp of people.

• 50:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:16Rayna Greenberg?

  That this isn't supposed to be in my thirties or your forties.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  So I was forty two when, when he passed.

• 50:21Rayna Greenberg?

  It's just, it's a lot to negotiate with and to not have as much community around you. It reminds me of like girlfriends who knew that got breast cancer really young. And that they're just like, this isn't supposed to be me.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  Right. Yeah. I, I remember, like, even that day that I found out, people started trickling into my house. And it ended up, speaking of Full House, it ended up being like, pretty much just the whole Full House cast was at my house. And I remember, like, looking at Candace, because she was the first person who showed up, and just saying to her, because I, I mean, I was in a daze. Like, I didn't even know what was going on and which end was up. But I remember saying to her, I was like, I don't have a husband anymore. Like, so I'm like, a widow? Like, what? Like, I don't, like, but I'm young. Like, I, like, he was just here. It, it just didn't make sense, you know? And it was just so strange. And it took a while to process, the whole, like, wait, so all of his stuff?

• 51:15Speaker 01

  He's just not coming back to it anymore? Like, it was just weird. Yeah, getting back even to the timeline is you count things by at first it's hours, literally, and then all of a sudden it's like days and you're like, I can't believe it's been three days. I can't believe it's been four days. And then it's, I can't believe it's been two weeks. I can't believe it's been three weeks. And then you get to like, I can't believe it's been a month. And then I was like, okay, maybe at three months, I'll start to feel like a little better. And then at six months, I'll feel a little better. And then I just, I just heard another podcast where somebody's like, you never feel better. I was like, well, looking back at the time, I was like, I didn't see how it was possible to feel better.

• 51:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Like a light at the end of the tunnel.

• 51:55Speaker 01

  Right.

• 51:55Rayna Greenberg?

  How could that exist?

• 51:56Speaker 01

  I was like, this is awful.

• 51:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 51:59Speaker 01

  But then, all of a sudden, you look back and like three months in, you're like, oh, I'm doing a little better now than I was then. And six months and you're like, I'm better now than I was at three months. And then, you know, you get to a place where you can look back and see how far you've come. And strangely, my best friend just lost her husband suddenly. And she's six months in now. And she will, you know, be in a place where she's like, this is awful. Like, does it ever get better? I'm like, do you know how far you've come in the last six months? Do you remember what that was like six months ago? And like, it's so hard when you're in it to see the progress.

• 52:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  And to see the potential for the light at the end of the tunnel.

• 52:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I don't know how you could ever see the light, you know, you're just in it. Like, I'm, I'm curious, like, when this first happened, were people like, okay, go to therapy or okay, start journaling? And were you like, I'm not ready to like, do the healthy things. I need to marinate in this. Like, do you remember like what you felt like?

• 52:55Speaker 01

  I will say, I was kind of proud of the fact that I didn't start sinking into any, and once again, this is so, I, I am in so, such a no judgment zone. Like, if somebody does do that.

• 53:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Of course.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  By all means.

• 53:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  But I did not ever sink into like, alcohol and drugs and, you know, I need to numb myself. I was really like, I want to feel everything. Like because I don't want to be the person who pushes it away and then years later, like then something happens where it like explodes in your face and you're like, I should have dealt with that.

• 53:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  So I like, I was in it and I did not want to not be in it because me being in it made me feel closer to Bob.

• 53:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  And me feeling closer to him made me feel better because I was sad to think of moving on to where I didn't feel connected to him. Even today, four and a half years in, like I enjoy getting sad and crying about it because it makes me feel connected to him.

• 53:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's like spending time with him.

• 53:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  What helped you the most in the darkest times? Was it the people around you, friends, family?

• 54:05Speaker 01

  And you said therapy, like I never went to therapy because I had, and I know once again, we'll see, we're gonna be like, come on, that's not a substitute for therapy, but I want my middle sister, Kristen, is a thousand times better than any therapist could be for me.

• 54:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sure.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  Knows me better and really knew what to say and knew what to do and knew, like she slept in my bed with me for over a month right after, like she was there every minute of every day. And if it was not for her, if it was not for Bob's daughters, if it was not for some of Bob's best friends, I mean, I definitely would have not gotten through it, but I felt so supported and so held. And I think the ultimate thing in the, really the recipe for making sure that you can get through it is just to feel like you're around people who just get you and support you. That's the thing I say to anyone now who loses somebody instead of like, oh, you know, sending, sending hugs and, you know, sending thoughts and prayer. Like I say,

• 55:07Speaker 01

  I just pray that you are surrounded by people who you feel that you're surrounded by all the love and support that you need right now.

• 55:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just said that to a friend. So a friend of mine in Atlanta lost her husband suddenly and like their story is. It's, I don't need to tell it today. It's like they were each other's person. Like I could cry. I mean, just long road for them to finally kind of get married. And I'm not that close with her anymore. I wasn't that close. We were friends in Atlanta, but I wasn't so close to her. And I just messaged her a couple of times. And she was like, I don't want to live in a world that he, where he's not here. And that's all I could say was, I hope, I know her mom, I know her sister, I do know her other friends, like in the same group. And that's all I could say was, I, I just, I know you're being like loved and taken care of just from what I know of her friends and family. That's like the only thing I could think of, because that is what gets you through.

• 55:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's like the only thing, like it almost like metaphorically like fills the wounds, like the love, the support, you know? Fills the holes.

• 56:05Speaker 01

  So when my best friend just lost her husband, I remembered how important it was for me in the immediate aftermath of losing Bob. Was like to have all of his friends over and our family, you know, anyone who was close to him. And by the way, I felt much more comforted being around people who loved Bob and who Bob loved, even if I didn't know them very well, than my best friends of 35 years.

• 56:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, just people that you feel like you're spending time with him.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Right. They needed to be connected to him.

• 56:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 56:38Speaker 01

  For me to feel comforted.

• 56:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Anyway, I just remember having like a home base, our house where everyone was gathering that first week was so unbelievably helpful. And so when my friend's husband just passed, I remember like she lives in a small one bedroom apartment. She had nowhere for like people to go. And so I, I like gave my house. I was like, here, like this is your home base.

• 57:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 57:03Speaker 01

  Because I knew how important it was for her to be able to have all those people surrounding her. And so, you know, little things like that can be really helpful to people. It's like, make sure they have, if you're really close with them. I mean, obviously if it's a stranger, but don't, don't give a stranger your house.

• 57:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 57:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm curious about the moment, I think this is the overwhelming response from people was like, what about the moment when people sort of stop checking in? You know, everybody storms you, surrounds you for, I don't know how long it was for you, hopefully a long time, but you know, a month or two goes by and people stop. Asking and you're like, I'm still riding these waves. I'm still experiencing it.

• 57:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:35Rayna Greenberg?

  And like, what was like that piece like?

• 57:38Speaker 01

  That's a really good question because that's something that people have a big problem with. You know, so many people have reached out to me online saying, you know, like maybe they didn't have a big family. You know, their husband wasn't beloved by the entire country. You know, where they're not getting a million people DMing them every day. And maybe they didn't, you know, they had a small circle and they've, so many people have said, it's sad. Like the, the well wishes have stopped and people stopped checking in. And I didn't have that as much because I had such a tight circle. And if I didn't feel like people were checking in, it almost didn't matter because I had my sisters and. Right. Like who I would just harass like all day. Like if I was feeling sad, it's like they're gonna have to deal with me. You know, right?

• 58:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I'm glad you had that.

• 58:23Speaker 01

  So I didn't feel it as much. And plus I was constantly having people still send me messages about how much they love Bob. So that was always very comforting, but it is truly a thing. And that unfortunately is also kind of part of it is that for most people who it's, didn't affect their daily life. Like life does go on and people move on. And that's why as long as you still have like a tight knit community of people who are always thinking about your person.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  It's so helpful and you know, mention the person, even if it's a year later, like, don't feel bad. Bringing up their name and saying like, hey, I was thinking about so and so today. Yeah. Your husband. Like I was thinking about him today and you know, I just checking into seeing, you know, see how you're doing. And that goes so far because it's not necessarily that people feel like they forgot about you. They don't want you to forget about their person.

• 59:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh huh.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  You know, they want to feel like their person's not forgotten, that the person lives on.

• 59:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 59:28Speaker 01

  And so they feel so sad if people, if they feel like people forgot about him.

• 59:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. And there, I, I understand and validate the anger that you must feel when people are like, everybody else's life has gone on.

• 59:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:39Rayna Greenberg?

  People get to, you know, walk their dogs and enjoy their day and go on dates. And I don't get to do that with my partner and everyone else's life has sort of moved on. And that's probably really hard to reconcile.

• 59:50Speaker 01

  Things online and you know, someone got married or someone got engaged and everyone's happy with their husband. And I'm like, I don't have a husband and you, there is a little jealousy that can creep in sometimes and. Then I got to this really weird place, maybe like six months in where I'm like, no, I still have my husband. The love didn't go anywhere. He still loves me. Like the love is still there. So he's kind of like my ghost husband. And so like, I went through maybe a one or two month period where I was like, no, I still, I still have him, you know, like I, I would talk to him. And, you know, feel like he was still supporting me and loving me. And then it got to a point where I was like, okay, it's enough with the ghost husband. I don't want to sound too creepy for too long, you know, at some point that's a.

• 1:00:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't want to ever get you through the day. I think people talk to their loved ones they've lost, like for sure. I want to say, I mean, we talk about just in life, the importance of building friendships in the community around you. Not everybody has a sister or even a sibling or not everyone has great relationships with their, with their family. And I feel for anyone who doesn't, but you can always build those friendships in your chosen family. And, you know, don't build the community just in case you lose your spouse, but like then for when you go through any hard times, that is why we have these people, you know? Like Raina's not my sister, but like if something like this happened, I would never have her sleep in the bed, but she would do it and she would do it for a year. Like I have the people and in addition to my family that would be there as long as I needed them in whatever capacity.

• 1:01:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  And so we will all go through these hard times and I hope, nobody listening ever loses their partner. But if you are living a life where your partner is, is your every, your one and only person in your life, it's going to be a lot harder. If something were to happen because the community's not there. Like it's like, that's what got you through.

• 1:01:40Speaker 01

  You know what I bet is going to happen now? Cause as I said, I didn't really know any widows, especially young widows until I became one. And then you know how it's like, oh, I hadn't thought about a red car today. I thought about a red car. Now you see a million red cars. When I became a widow, now all of a sudden they're coming out of the woodwork, like they're everywhere. And like I know so many, and I've become such good friends with so many. And now I hear all these stories from people and I bet you got some questions from people, but now I. Once we put this out there, you're gonna have so many people be like, actually, and it might not even be a widow. It's like, I lost my high school sweetheart when we were in high school. He was 18 and killed in a car accident, you know, like that happens too.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  And where people still have to go through the loss of their partner.

• 1:02:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Future too and their partner.

• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  And it's so much more common than we think and so much more common than I knew until it happened.

• 1:02:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. I mean, we have a friend and her, her best friend, her husband died when we were in Greece, 2022.

• 1:02:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  And we were all there together. We were all getting ready to fly out and she got the call that he had passed. Like her best friend, the love of her life and her husband passed, she flew to Singapore. And I just never shook that. Like I, we didn't know her personally, the, the friend, but I'd just knowing about their relationship. And, you know, our friend, it was like, there was always the four of them and they couldn't believe it either. That was like they, they lost their best friend too. And I just saw her in, in Singapore on my honeymoon a couple of months ago with her new partner. And it took her a long time to obviously get there. We're talking like four years and went to drinks with her and the new person she's dating. He was so wonderful. And like, I remembered like we were.

• 1:03:16Speaker 01

  Well, that's 2022. That's my timeline.

• 1:03:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we were there the moment we heard your husband died, you know, and she's gotten through it and has found him on the other side. Yeah.

• 1:03:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I want to ask you, cause you know, people are, people asked us a lot, like what's helpful, what's not helpful? And you said you kept a journal and you have a grief journal and you've very kindly brought it out.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  Let's preface with, I am not a good journal person and my grief journal has like three pages written in it. So the story here is I apparently wrote in this a few weeks after Bob passed and I had zero recollection of this. And the other day I was cleaning out a drawer and I saw this and I was like, oh, cause it says, it's called the grief journal. And I was like, oh, I should write in. And then I go through, I was like, oh, crazy. You just forgot. I did not remember I wrote in it. And now I'm so grateful. And once again, there's like six pages written in it. But I'm so grateful even for every little letter that I put in here because it is really helpful.

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  And so I did have a page that I, I did a solo episode of my podcast today about this. I don't normally carry this around in my purse.

• 1:04:26Speaker 01

  That would be insane.

• 1:04:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I thought you brought it for us.

• 1:04:28Speaker 01

  Guys, here's my grief journal from four and a half years ago. So, okay, February 5th, 2022. Okay, not to say.

• 1:04:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Not to say.

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  Not say, I'm so sorry. I mean, that's pretty innocuous, but apparently that was bugging me.

• 1:04:42Rayna Greenberg?

  You didn't like that at the time, right?

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, these are things that were kind of triggering.

• 1:04:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Did it just feel like those words just weren't big enough to like qualify what you were going through?

• 1:04:50Speaker 01

  A big thing for me was I hated feeling pity.

• 1:04:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  I didn't like feeling pitied, and some people want that. Some people want all the pity. It's like the same, you know, if you are going to the hospital and you post Facebook that you're at the hospital, like that type of thing.

• 1:05:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, the sympathy trap, yeah.

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  Right, but for some reason, I, I never realized that I would be so adverse and so triggered by feeling pity.

• 1:05:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, interesting, okay.

• 1:05:17Speaker 01

  So my next one is my heart breaks for you.

• 1:05:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:05:20Speaker 01

  I hated that.

• 1:05:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:05:22Speaker 01

  Because it felt like, oh, you poor thing, my heart breaks for you. Like, it just felt very pitied. And I, like, I don't want people to be, I kind of wanted people to be sad with me, but not for me, if that made sense.

• 1:05:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:05:38Speaker 01

  How are you?

• 1:05:40Speaker 01

  Never ask them. So here's the thing, here's, here's why.

• 1:05:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Not well, bitch.

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  Here's why that was triggering, because I felt that when people said, how are you, it gave me homework. And my brain was not capable of homework. It felt like, I was like, how are you over text? Let me say that. Over the phone, fine, but over text, because I felt like now I have to write an essay.

• 1:06:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm with you. I've tried it to do that, like how in the throes of someone dealing with something.

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  Right, so I promise there's takeaways from this, so it's not like, don't ever ask anyone, how are you, bye.

• 1:06:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, but also like, when you're in it and you're like, I feel so much rage and pain, whatever you feel, like nothing's wrong. It's like, I don't, this is not helping me right now.

• 1:06:25Speaker 01

  I think it's because when you're in early grief, you have so much. Administrative work to do as well. Like I fortunately didn't have to take care of any funeral stuff that was handled for me. Thank God, because I would not have been able. But you know, there's so much crap you have to do. And then when somebody texts you, how are you? I can't just ignore it. I don't want to not get back to them. So I'm like, well, I have to come up with something. I don't want to just be like, fine, or not good. So I was trying to give thoughtful responses to each person because I'm a people pleaser. And I felt like it was homework to get that question in a text.

• 1:07:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Sometimes just when I'm really just drained, it's sending the first text is exhausting to me because I'm like, this will begat another text and more conversation. And it's well intentioned, but still.

• 1:07:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Also, like, I don't know. I don't know the answer. I don't know. I don't know. Like, I think it's better to be like, I'm thinking about you. I'm here if you need to talk.

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  So and then thinking of you.

• 1:07:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, no.

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  Oh, and sending love and hugs, which is funny because I say these things to people now.

• 1:07:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  We all say these things. I think people are like, oh, shit, I just said that.

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  No, and you can't be blamed for saying something nice to somebody who's great, like, because you don't know how you're going to take it. And you don't know how that person's taking it. There are so many of these that I've had people say to me, like, oh, I liked when people asked me that. I liked when people said, how are you? Because people stopped asking. So I like when people say that.

• 1:07:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, yeah, exactly. This is very.

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  This was my specific thing. However, you know, I have had other people be like, oh, I know I hated that. But so do say, okay, want to talk. Like, hey, do you want to talk? Like versus just saying, how are you? Or what did you do today? To me, that was so much more helpful. Or like, when can I come see you? Or was today better? Was today worse? Like, asking something specific was so helpful to me. You know, what did you do today? How was your day today?

• 1:08:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:08:24Speaker 01

  Because then I'm like, oh, I went to the dry cleaners and then I tried to go on a walk, you know, versus how are you feeling? Or how are you? It just felt like, right, like I had to. Come up with an essay on my emotions and every day was different. I was like, I'm too tired to go, you know, but if it's like, oh, what did you do today? And then it shows that they're thinking of you and they're asking you something specific.

• 1:08:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  I like that.

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  So to me, that was really helpful. So this is what I wrote.

• 1:08:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, thank you for sharing. I'm glad that you have it. And who knows, like when you're just in the throes of pain and grief and every day is a different feeling, who knows what's gonna make you feel better.

• 1:08:59Speaker 01

  And, and once again, I'm guilty of doing all these things before and since going through it myself. So I never want anyone to feel bad for doing it, but just it's more about understanding maybe why some of these things might be.

• 1:09:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally. And the pity thing makes sense. I mean, I, you've like explained why they've triggered you in some way. And I think this stuff weighs on me so heavily. Like even just talking to my friend last week, like the words, every word, I'm like, I don't want to say the wrong thing. And I always go back and forth with, I can't imagine what you're going through, cause I can't understand. I can't understand losing your partner.

• 1:09:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't. Somebody saying like, I can't imagine you're going through. They mean to validate, like, I know this is bigger than something I felt.

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  Do you know Rabbi Steve Leader? Do you guys know him? He's a big like media rabbi, but he's wonderful. He was Bob, he was the rabbi at Bob's funeral, but he is just a genius. He's written a lot of books about grief.

• 1:09:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  And he said, a tiny little thoughtful tweak to that is to say, I can only imagine what you're going through instead of I can't imagine. Cause like you can imagine it, but like I can only imagine.

• 1:10:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I can only, yeah, I can only imagine. I like that. Cause like if she said to me, my friend said, I don't want to live in a world without him. Like I could say, I understand, but what I mean is I understand how you feel that way. Cause I can't imagine my life without my husband. Like, no, I don't understand what it's like to. These things literally I will, before I send a text.

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  But what's worse than sending that wrong text, wrong text is not sending a text. And another thing that's really helpful that I experienced and I know is happening, cause I'm experiencing with my best friend now is. After losing Bob, especially in like the first several months, six months, you know, when I would have just bouts of hysterical crying, like every single night. Nights were worse for me. Usually it's mornings are worse for a lot of people.

• 1:10:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, really?

• 1:10:49Speaker 01

  But the nights were way worse for me. Like when I'd get in bed at night, that's when I would just uncontrollably sob. And thankfully, my sister was there a lot of the time. But it got to the point when my sister wasn't living with me anymore. And I would call her, because I was like, I just want somebody to hear me cry. And she would try to like, fix it at first. And she'd be like, well, you know, maybe you should think about this, or, you know, think about, like, yeah, but let's think about it this way. And I was like, no, no, I don't want you to say anything. I don't want you to do any, like, you can't fix it. Just listen to me cry. And like my other sister, she didn't really get that. It took a while for her to to get that. And I was like, I know your instinct is to try to give advice or be helpful. I was like, but there is nothing

• 1:11:32Speaker 01

  that can help. I just want somebody to listen to me cry. Like, not even listen to me talk, just listen to me cry.

• 1:11:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Were there people that were like, but at least you're young, but at least you have money, or you have community? Like, was there people that were like, you know, I think

• 1:11:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's the absolute wrong thing.

• 1:11:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I think people are sort of wanting to compare grief, like, but at least, you know, you're so young, you could find someone else. But that's not everybody's story. Like, did you, did people want to kind of comfort you with those things? And you were like, this isn't that helpful right now?

• 1:11:59Speaker 01

  I think, like, I also wasn't as sensitive. So funny, I was so sensitive to the most innocuous things, like, how are you? But when somebody would say, like, everything happens for a reason, where most people hate that stuff.

• 1:12:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  I, that's going to chill down my spine.

• 1:12:14Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:12:15Rayna Greenberg?

  That did not bother you.

• 1:12:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  It didn't bother you?

• 1:12:16Speaker 01

  Certain things like that didn't bother me as much. Or like, you'll find somebody else. When I was like, well, I, I hope so one day, you know, like, I wasn't like, don't even talk about that right now. Or some people, you can't even mention it.

• 1:12:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Not, yeah.

• 1:12:30Speaker 01

  Right. Yeah. But real quick, back to the crying thing, just because I think this might be really helpful to some people, is, so now with my best friend who's going through it, she knows that if she comes over to my house, or if she calls me, and she just wants to cry, like, I'm not, I'm not weird about it. I'm not like, oh, let me, let me soothe you, or let me like, say something helpful. I'm just like, yeah, sucks.

• 1:12:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:53Speaker 01

  This sucks. Cry.

• 1:12:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cry it out.

• 1:12:56Speaker 01

  Just cry. And she'll call me sometimes. She's like, I just need to cry. I'm like, okay.

• 1:12:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  And one question we had for you, which we wanted to ask is, Is there any time when outreach is unwanted because you're like doing good and you didn't want really want to think about it? Like, we were curious about this, like, because checking in, it's like, we were talking about our friend who's going through something right now, and we were like, we don't want to bring it up if she's having a good day.

• 1:13:17Speaker 01

  Right, and that is so perfect that you brought that up, and it's so true, because I never really had, I mean, for months and months, I never had a good day, but I would have good hours.

• 1:13:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:13:30Speaker 01

  And there would be some times, and, but see, God, like, they meant well.

• 1:13:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of course.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  Everyone means so well, and that's why no one should ever feel bad if they, ooh, I said the wrong thing, I upset them in some way, because anyone grieving is just a raw, exposed nerve, and they're so sensitive, that you can't be expected, like, okay, today, I drank a sip of water in front of her, and it freaks her out, like, you can't be expected to know everything that's going to trigger that person each day, because they don't even know.

• 1:14:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:04Speaker 01

  And, as you were saying, there were some times that I was having, like, a good hour, and I'm focused on something else, maybe I'm distracted, and I'm not thinking about, you know, the first, let's say, several months, there wasn't an hour, really, that went by, but maybe I'm having a good 10 minutes. I'm having 10 minutes where I'm not crying, and thinking about Bob in that moment, or like, I'm distracted doing something, I'm cleaning my closet, whatever it is, and then somebody texts me and goes, oh, I just, I'm, I'm just so sad for you, and are you feeling, whatever it is, but it was something that would kind of bring me down, and then make me, and I'm like, oh, like, I, like, I just, I had 10 minutes where I was doing well, but it's like, they can't be blamed for that.

• 1:14:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're well intentioned, too.

• 1:14:49Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:14:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Maybe there's a language tweak there, I don't know, just like, thinking about you, here if you want to talk, it still reminds you of it, but.

• 1:14:58Speaker 01

  I think it, at some point, and, and once again, like, let's not give the grieving person work, but maybe something I could have done, if I'm like, hey, I'm, I'm having a good moment right now, I'm going to put my phone on do not disturb, so that way, I'm not seeing those messages.

• 1:15:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, sure.

• 1:15:13Speaker 01

  In that point, you know, or during that, during that time, or, you know, it's, it's like, it's okay, as I said, the people pleaser in me wanted to get back to everyone right away, and needed to respond to everybody all the time. But you don't have to.

• 1:15:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:15:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 1:15:28Speaker 01

  You don't have to. And another thing that's really helpful that I've learned from people and now I do is I'll send somebody a message and I'll say, don't respond to this. Like, it's the first thing.

• 1:15:39Rayna Greenberg?

  I say that all the time to people too. Yeah. And I don't want people to feel like I've given them homework. It's just, you know, just know that I'm around. Don't.

• 1:15:45Speaker 01

  Do not respond to this. I love you. I'm thinking of you.

• 1:15:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:48Speaker 01

  Whatever the message is, and like, please don't respond to this. And then it just takes the pressure off them. They're like, and then a lot of times they do anyway, and they want to.

• 1:15:56Rayna Greenberg?

  But it's appreciative. Okay, I want to ask you about the timeline, because I think that like grief is not linear, you know, it's not like I should be here at this point. And I think a lot of people echo the sentiment that like, there's not like a day where the grief ends. It just sort of changes shape. But in terms of moving on, was there a pressure that was like, people were like, Kelly, it's been three months. It's been six months. It's time to hit these milestones of feeling better. Or was that not your experience? Like, what was the experience that's been a pressure to move on?

• 1:16:23Speaker 01

  I think I was doing pretty well in terms of, like, I had to move out of our house after three months. And so that was a big undertaking and it was really, really hard, but I got through it and I did it. And I was like, really proud of myself that I did it, you know? So a lot of things like that, that were certain milestones that I was hitting. But I kind of put on myself that I said, okay, in terms of dating or moving forward, I'm like, I'm not even going to think about that for one year. Like, that's societally, that's kind of a cultural, I don't want to say what's like appropriate or not appropriate, but in a sense, anything before a year might be seen as a little too soon. And then after a year, it's a little bit more acceptable.

• 1:17:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:17:09Speaker 01

  And I know that, as I said, there are no rules. And of course, don't feel bad. If you meet somebody in month 11, you know, some people might be judgmental, but know that like, you're not doing anything wrong. But I knew that I wouldn't think about that for a year. And then I remember it was on the one year anniversary of Bob passing on January 9th, 2023. And I had, I'm sorry if this is name dropy, but at my house, I had Jeff Ross and John Mayer over and Bob's nephew, Adam. And the three of them, it's me on one side of the couch and the three of them sitting on the other couch. And then Jeff Ross goes, Kel.

• 1:17:53Speaker 01

  Elephant in the room. We gotta talk about it. When you gonna start dating again? And I was like, Jeff, like, I mean, I'm not really

• 1:18:00Rayna Greenberg?

  One year.

• 1:18:00Speaker 01

  Ready just yet. Yeah. And, and John's like, you know, whate- whenever you're ready. He's like, but you know, it's like, it's, it's okay. If you wanna get back out there, like, it's okay. And, and Adam, of course, is probably like, thinking of how Bob would think, like, if she ever moves on, how could she? How dare she? And I was like, well, I don't wanna talk about this in front of Adam almost. I feel like weird. But, and then Jeff goes, alright, fine. But if we get to the two-year mark and you're not, then something's wrong. And like, we're gonna have to talk again. I was like, okay.

• 1:18:32Rayna Greenberg?

  This is like the John Mulaney intervention story. It's just more famous people keep coming up. Yeah, exactly.

• 1:18:38Speaker 01

  So then Tom Hanks walks in and I was like,

• 1:18:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Exactly.

• 1:18:41Speaker 01

  You know, so anyway, I was like, okay, but it was good to know that here, two of his best friends, I had their blessing.

• 1:18:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:18:47Speaker 01

  Right? And then two months after that, so now fourteen months later or so, you know, I started to feel a little lonely. And, and then you start to feel, you know, after over a year of like, not having a hug or a kiss or feeling lonely. I'm like, oh, I don't wanna feel like this frumpy old widow. Like, I, you know, I, you start to feel like, not like, young and hot anymore. And I'm like, I wanna feel alive again.

• 1:19:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, desired, all the things.

• 1:19:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, you start to feel, I'm like, oh my God, like, no one's looked at me. Cause then, cause you're off limits.

• 1:19:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Hmm.

• 1:19:22Speaker 01

  No one's certainly gonna, I mean, not that I was even putting that energy out there. But you start to feel kind of invisible.

• 1:19:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:30Speaker 01

  And you start to feel like, no, like, not only are, is no one looking at you in that way, but you're also like, off limits. Cause well, you're the widow.

• 1:19:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 1:19:40Speaker 01

  Certainly, nobody wants to be the one who is gonna make a move and then have it be, you're not ready.

• 1:19:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. Yeah.

• 1:19:46Speaker 01

  You know, but I was starting to feel like a little lonely and a little sad and a little like, well, it might be nice to get a coffee with somebody. Like, I'm not ready to date, date yet, but maybe hike or coffee. And I sat down with Bob's daughters and I said, just that, like, I'm starting to

• 1:20:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:02Speaker 01

  Feel a little lonely. And they're like, Kelly, like, we want you to be happy. And I said, you know, I just want, I said, and they're like, well, you don't need our permission. I go, I know I don't need your permission, but I want your blessing.

• 1:20:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:13Speaker 01

  You know, and they're like, of course. They're like, our dad would want you to be happy. I was like, no.

• 1:20:18Rayna Greenberg?

  You're like, do you know him at all?

• 1:20:19Speaker 01

  I was like, no, he would not. And then that's when I had to start distinguishing. I've said this a million times, but between like earthly Bob and heavenly Bob, like earthly Bob be like, I knew you never loved me. How could you? How dare you? You know, but then heavenly Bob would be like, of course.

• 1:20:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I understand the guilt though. It's like, you're still a person with needs and desires and wants to be seen. And wanting that permission from his daughters. I mean, I really validate like wanting that. Of course they want you to be happy, but like, there's probably a lot of guilt that comes with it.

• 1:20:52Speaker 01

  So much guilt, so complicated, still to this day. And then 18 months after is when I met Brecken and Brecken and I, it's been three years now we've been together. He was the first person I dated.

• 1:21:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh my goodness. That's surprising because you think there might need to be a rebound.

• 1:21:08Speaker 01

  I went on like two simu dates, you know, like two kind of basic, kind of a cocktail for about 45 minutes. And they were fine. They were nice. It was nice to feel like to get dressed up and to go out. And they were lovely experiences. Thank God that it wasn't something like turned me off to dating forever. But there was no, you know, no follow up.

• 1:21:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:21:31Speaker 01

  But then I met Brecken and like from our first date, I mean, we didn't say this to each other because you, you know, weren't insane, but we were like, this is kind of it. I was like, I don't want to wow, go out with anyone else. And he was thinking the same thing, even though it took us a while to process that. And we really paced it and we took it very, very slow. I was actually just listening to a dating episode you guys did a couple of episodes back and the expert you had on was saying how it's so important to pace things.

• 1:21:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 1:21:58Speaker 01

  And that is something that I was.

• 1:22:01Rayna Greenberg?

  All at once?

• 1:22:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. We really did that really well. And there was no love bombing and it was just very, very well paced, which he knew I needed. And, you know, I, I, I know how lucky I got that like first one right out of the gate, you know, three years down the road, but I still feel that guilt. I'll say things to him like, I'm so happy. I love you so much. You make me so like, you know, you say things and you know, superlatives like it's, it's the happiest I've ever been. And then I'm like, oh.

• 1:22:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  I've, I, I, I've not experienced this personally, but I can like feel what you're saying.

• 1:22:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And then how was he like, do you guys talk about Bob? Like what?

• 1:22:44Speaker 01

  Nonstop, all the time. He is so cool with it. Well, that was the reason why I think it's worked out is like, he kind of knew what he was getting into. Clearly I was talking about Bob publicly all the time.

• 1:22:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, that must be hard to feel like I'm competing against this thing.

• 1:22:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, she doesn't want to be in this position.

• 1:23:01Speaker 01

  Right. And he was just so confident and secure about it. He loves talking about Bob. He's always at, he'll be like, oh, so when you, when you used to come here with Bob, like what was his favorite dish to order?

• 1:23:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wow.

• 1:23:12Speaker 01

  You know, like he was always asking about him and he just never made it weird. And I mean, because he and Bob had a respect for each other. They, they weren't good friends, but they really liked each other.

• 1:23:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. They knew each other.

• 1:23:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. So we met through Seth Green, who was one of Bob's best friends, but Seth and Brecken were best friends since they were 17.

• 1:23:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  And those were such a part of our childhood.

• 1:23:34Speaker 01

  Right. I mean, I swear to God that me with like the nineties people, I did not intend for any of this. It just randomly happened, but Brecken was just so cool about it. And it's not like he has expertise in dating widows. Like I was his first.

• 1:23:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. Yeah.

• 1:23:51Speaker 01

  And he was just from day one, so fantastic about it. Never made me feel weird about talking about Bob. Like he's now gotten really close with Bob's daughters. He's friendly with Bob's ex-wife like, cause Bob's ex-wife is one of, you know, she and I are so close. And so he'll come to family events and she's there and she'll always be like, where's Brecken? You know, it's. It is very special and I know that it's maybe a little unique because not everyone has such a easy time, even with the late husband's family, or you know, if there's step family involved especially. But yeah, I've been very, very blessed to have such a nice transition into that world because not, not everyone does. And I think one thing

• 1:24:36Speaker 01

  that's so important though to look for is someone who just lets you still have, you know, your late spouse be a part of the conversation. And if they make you feel weird about it, like that's a major red flag.

• 1:24:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. I mean, I'm just, I'm curious how you, how somebody would want to be supported. It sounds like he struck, struck a balance between like just validating it. And like, I can understand that people would be intimidated by a deceased spouse that was like a larger than life person. This is who she was going to be with. And you know, and this thing happened, how do I compare to this? How do I fit into this narrative? And it sounds like he just struck the right balance.

• 1:25:12Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I think the important thing also is to know that both loves can coexist indefinitely forever because they're not going anywhere, but one doesn't take away the other, you know? So like my love for Brecken doesn't negate my love for Bob. They just exist at the same time and in the same space. And like my love for Bob's never diminished. But like, that's what people think sometimes is that, well, if you have the new one, then it kind of diminishes this one. And it's like, no, they can both coexist forever. And as long as you have somebody that kind of gives you that space, that's what's really important. So.

• 1:25:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I think that's a beautiful way to end it. Kelly, thank you so much. This was so wonderful. I'm so glad you came here and opened up to us.

• 1:26:04Speaker 01

  And all of it truly.

• 1:26:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, it just happened to just be in my purse.

• 1:26:07Speaker 01

  But thank you so much. I'm so happy that we randomly met like a week ago. What a treat. And then that you guys had me on such an absolute honor and pleasure.

• 1:26:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I think this will help a lot of people.

• 1:26:20Speaker 01

  I'm so grateful for you. So thank you. And thanks for letting me talk about this topic that people think is not very fun. And it's hard, but if you're just open and real about it, it can make it a little easier.

• 1:26:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then when you're open about it, you also find your community. I mean, I think of like Heather McMahon, who has lost her father and she just is always making jokes about the dead dad club, you know, and people are like, me too. And like talking about it in that type of way, I feel like

• 1:26:45Speaker 01

  That's what Bob did.

• 1:26:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:47Speaker 01

  You know, and so it's like, I kind of learned from him is like, he made light of it and it's okay to do that to, you know, you do what you gotta do to get through.

• 1:26:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, tell everybody where they can find you, listen to your podcast, your Instagram, whatever you want to plug.

• 1:27:02Speaker 01

  So the podcast is Comfort Food, the, you know, Comfort Food with Kelly Rizzo and just Instagram at Kelly Rizzo. Very easy.

• 1:27:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, great. Okay.

• 1:27:11Speaker 01

  Super easy.

• 1:27:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, thank you for everything.

• 1:27:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you so much.

• 1:27:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is really going to help a lot of people. Thank you for your candor. And you guys can find us, girlsgottaeat.com, girlsgottaeatpodcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess, Raina is Raina Jack Greenberg, rainagreenberg.com for her tour tickets. And you can watch full video on YouTube or Spotify, subscribe, share this episode with a friend and we will see you guys Thursday.

• 1:27:32Speaker 01

  Have a good week, guys.

• 1:27:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bye.

• 1:27:59Speaker 03

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.