Financial Audit
Hosted by Caleb Hammer
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18,496 words · 8 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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To watch episodes of Financial Audit a week earlier, check us out on YouTube. What kind of man are you? You're a [BLEEP].
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Hi, I'm Ava. I'm 25 years old.
Hi, I'm Wesley. I'm 24 years old and we live in Fort Worth, Texas.
And you're watching Financial Audit.
Yes, you are. And thanks for coming down here, guys. I really appreciate it.
Thanks for having us.
You're welcome, Ava. You're in front of me, so let's start with you. What do you do for a living up there?
Um, I work with kids. I'm a Montessori teacher and I do like princess birthday parties.
Okay, listen, here's the thing. I get little notes here and there. I go into this blind. I get little notes. They're like, okay, here's a couple of little things that, you know, might be interesting to learn about them. You know, I don't have the information, but, you know, I go in blind with the audience. One bullet is just at the top and I just looked over as you were just saying what your name was and it says Ava applied for the show mid-argument.
Yeah, I did do that. I did apply mid-argument. It was like right after I had found out about like the extent of everything, so.
Found out about the extent, what does that mean?
I had found out that I was looking through his card and I had seen some, like I saw some transactions that I didn't know what they were, so I asked him, I was like, hey, what is this? And then he was like, oh, it's a credit card that I don't use anymore. Like, I don't know what that is.
But you were seeing transactions?
Yes, I was seeing transactions. So then I was like, okay, well, you need to look into that. And then I like saw the number of the credit card debt and I was like, okay, that's.
Wait, you didn't, are you guys married?
Yeah, we're married.
Wait, you didn't know about this debt?
No, no, no, no. There was no debt before we got married. There was no debt before we got married.
Hold on, how long have you guys been married?
Uh, it'll be two years in October.
What the did you find?
I mean, it was nothing, like, um, just like debt, like more than, I don't have debt, so, so.
So the debt we're talking about today, you accrued?
Yeah, it's on me.
So like any amount of debt, like 500, 20,000, any of it, all of it stresses me out. So.
Yeah.
So any of the number that I saw was stressed.
Why, why weren't you?
So I didn't think to like be looking at his accounts because we don't have a joint account. We have separate accounts. No, because we don't have any like bills that are together because we still live at home. So like we live at my, no, we live at my dad's house together and.
You're taking out debt then for, because if we have low overhead, I'm, okay, well, I guess we'll get into that in a second. Okay, that's interesting. So when did this argument take place? And then you applied for the show?
I had known like a little bit of the extent of it in March and I took all his credit cards in March. Um, and then
Couple of months ago, yeah.
Yeah, so then um, in April is whenever I had like applied, you know, and we were like, I had found out that there was like a little bit of extra charges from cards that I take from him. So.
So if she doesn't take a card from you, charges, okay. So then you found the charges.
Yeah, so then we were fighting about it and then like my best friend has been telling me, like since I had been telling her about that, that she was like, you need to go on a financial audit. Like we both watch it, like just apply, just apply. So then I like was applying mid-argument.
What was the argument? Tell me, what was going on?
Well, it was about like the cards that I hadn't collected.
Through the argument.
I saw a charge on his account, cause like every once in a while, it'd be like, oh, let me check your bank account, like, I wanna go to the movies or like, we wanna do this, like, let's see if like, we both have the money for it. And then, I was going through his bank account, there was a charge from a card that I did not have of his. And I was like, what is that? He was like, oh, that's an old card. That isn't like, doesn't work anymore. And then he was like, actually, I have cards in my car.
Um, in my car?
In my car.
He was hiding cards in his car?
Because they didn't fit in my wallet. I just left them in my car and didn't tell her about them.
That's dangerous though, because someone breaks in. But not only that, like obviously, we're having conversations the month prior about, hey, what the is up with all these cards? Okay, let me hide the cards from you, because you're incapable of not using a card if she doesn't hide them, that sounds like. Uh, but you didn't think to bring up the other cards that were conveniently separate from everything and went with us everywhere we went.
No, it was just more, I didn't wanna hurt her feelings. I thought I could get it. I could get it figured out before she.
So continuing to hide the disaster that she tried to mitigate was preventing her in her feelings?
Yeah, in my head it was.
Yeah, go ahead, walk me through that one.
Well, she's pretty emotional.
No, that is not you protecting her emotions. That is you preventing getting into a conversation where she would get emotional and you don't like that.
That is protecting you. It has nothing to do with her. Selfish choice. If I look at it that way, yeah, like the real way.
Yeah, that's a selfish choice.
What did you say?
Yeah, I usually would say like, well, if you would have just told me about it, then we wouldn't be here right now. But really, um, they didn't fit in his wallet. So like, I had bought him like a-
Yeah, but that's not the point. That's not the point. It's the fact that they're conveniently in a place that you never are and went with him.
That I would not look, yeah.
Everywhere he went after you took the other credit cards from him the month previous. Obviously, whether or not this was like a choice where he sat down and maniacally planned it, they, oh, come on, it was subconscious there.
The next time he used the card, he should have been like, oh, man, I need to-
And then the next few times?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What did you feel when you discovered all this debt?
I was like, holy [BLEEP].
You're talking 23,000 you racked up?
Did you even know that number?
No, I mean, I did. So after I had like sent everything in, I like went in like on my iPad and like made like a spreadsheet and like highlighted everything and was like, you're not doing this, this, this and that anymore. Like, that was my exact reaction whenever I saw it.
What would have happened if you did not find this out?
I don't know.
What do you think would have happened if she did not find this out?
I probably would have racked up more.
Why?
I like spending money that I don't have.
Sure, but you have a wife.
You have a wife at home who you can't even get an own place for.
And you desire and think your own spending is more important than taking care of her?
No, I don't think it's more important.
Yet, that is what your actions suggest.
Uh, just a young dumb kid. I never-
Oh, you're 24. Shut the [BLEEP] up. You're not 14. Your cognitive ability to make rational decisions basically peaks at 14. Yes, everyone gets the [BLEEP] old brain frontal lobe, 26, whatever. 98% of it's good by 14. You don't all of a sudden become magically less [BLEEP] when you become 26. It's not like a switch flicks, okay?
So dumb kid, you're 24. Come on. People are two years out of college at that point, two years into a career, kid. Don't [BLEEP], don't, don't come in here with kid. 24, what are we doing? 24. Come on.
Is that how we view ourselves?
No, I feel like whenever I turned 25, I felt like I'm, I was like, oh my gosh, I'm halfway to 50. And I feel like he feels like, oh, I'm only 24, like I was 18 yesterday.
Yeah. I was 18, I was so excited to get out of the house and just go start my life. 24, living at home, I don't care, living at home. I mean, obviously it's American culture. We get out of the house quicker, you know, whatever, but people stay at home longer than other places. But, so that's not the part I'm judging, but it's like, okay, we are married, living at home.
A little less.
I want to finish school.
Is that what you're in or is that what you're doing?
I just got accepted into nursing school like last week.
Okay, so do you have any credits you're able to bring in? Is it like a two-year program now?
Last year, I took off of work and I was in school all of last year, working on my prereqs and everything. And then I applied to nursing school and I just got in like last week. So I'm set to start in August and that'll be like two years. So after-
How does that impact your income?
Well, I won't be working.
You won't be working at all?
I won't have time to work because it's going to be like 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. So I've been like saving as much as I can so that I will, one, be able to afford for school. And then two, like have enough money to be able to like pay for car insurance and stuff while I'm in school.
Okay.
But that's why we still live at home is because like I want to finish school first.
How long have you guys lived at home?
Well, I've never moved out of, I've never moved out from living at home.
And how long have you been wanting to go to nursing school?
I don't know, recent, as of recent, like 2022.
So we were already at home.
Yeah, no, we were already at home for sure.
Like, that's not why we're home. That might be why we're going to stay.
Married and at home, yeah.
Yeah, well, no, no, no, no, you've been there for two years and you've recently decided to go to nursing school. So no, that is not why we're in the home. That is why we're going to stay in the home. That is not why we ended up in the home in the first place.
Yes.
$24,000 of debt, she wants to go get a degree.
Where do you see yourself supporting that, if any? So it seems like you're just living your own life, my guy.
That's why I really applied, because I was like, okay, I'm starting, I'm like, I had applied to this school, like, I really want to go, it's like $10,000. Like, if, if I get into this-
$10,000 per what?
Like, total, I believe.
Okay, that's good.
Like, $10,000 total, and it's just gonna be an associate of applied science, but I'll have my RN. So it'll be somewhere to start. And then, like, how am I gonna be able to not work for two years if he's racking up debt?
Yeah. That's a good question. Do you have an answer for that question? Because that's basically the question to you.
I'm gonna get it paid down. That's my mindset.
Go on. Please, elaborate on this grand strategy you have. Where you went from zero to $24,000, but that $24,000 is all of a sudden gonna go to zero without changing our behavior, because you haven't changed your behavior.
I'm actively looking for a second job.
It's not gonna be an income situation. Okay, okay. How much do you make right now?
About $500, $700 a week. $500 to $700 a week.
Okay. Listen, but you have no overhead. So again, this isn't gonna be... Huh?
That's not average, though.
It varies a lot, but on average-
What's average?
$500 to $700.
Okay, yeah, but some weeks it could be like $1,200 or $1,400.
Okay, what's average? $600?
Yeah, $600 is average, I would say, but-
Okay. But even still, it's not an income thing. I'm $2,400 a month, not great, of course, but it sounds like you have higher ones. $28,000 a year, not great. But again, no overhead.
I don't think this is an income problem. But it certainly might become one when we lose our second half, because what are you making?
Um, I make like about like $35,000 a year.
Okay, so you probably have $2,400 hidden in your account as well, on a monthly basis.
Okay, so the household income is 48, so, you know, that within itself isn't the worst. We're pretty close to like median household income in the United States, if not there. But no, again, no overhead where everyone else has overhead. That wouldn't be the problem.
That's forty eight with us combined.
He made a lot more than that last year.
Well, then give me the real average.
Last year, I'm, I'm independent contractor.
Was this your worst?
Yes, this is the worst it's been since I started.
Why? What's that? Okay, what are you doing?
I locate underground fiber optic lines.
Okay, and is that becoming less common?
No, last year he made like sixty thousand dollars.
Nat?
Uh, after tax, or before taxes.
Before taxes. So you had to pay like ten thousand dollars in taxes, so fifty thousand dollars.
Sure. Have we installed so many that there are not as many to install?
No, it's just the city that I work for, they're moving a different direction than the company that I work for. So I'm contracted.
So what are we doing then?
Exactly.
Trying to find another job.
Oh, okay. So you're trying to find a different job, not a second job?
Yeah, a second job for the meantime, but.
But again, this isn't an income thing. If you made sixty thousand dollars last year, fifty thousand dollars, not.
I don't know how that happened in that one period of time when he was making double what I was making. That's where I'm so flabbergasted.
She's a flabbergasted guy.
Flabbergasted. I mean, I didn't have any words, like, I don't have anything to say, because I couldn't even, that's crazy to me.
I mean, I see what came in last month is basically that forty eight hundred, uh, what was spent? Yeah, I know you guys don't know each other's accounts because we're completely separate. What do you think was spent in the household?
Probably all of mine, so I probably spent all of mine.
What do you think was spent in the household?
Forty seven hundred.
For both of us combined, is what you're asking? Maybe.
Forty eight hundred came in.
Three thousand six hundred.
How would we be going, well, because he would spend more. Okay, no, it was six thousand, so.
Forty eight hundred came in. Oh, okay.
Okay. Yeah, that's a lot.
Oh, this month, this was the month we went on my birthday trip.
Oh, my, I'm going to murder this entire world. What is happening? What the is happening? What is this birthday month?
Okay, so.
Is, is, is, is the, oh, I'm like in between generations. Then all of a sudden, something happened a couple of years before me where everyone just became like, what the is this birthday thing? What is this birthday month that people are doing? What is the birthday? Just a birthday trip. You want to go to nursing school? Go to nursing school. Birthday trip, fuck you.
Well, this was like, I wanted to have like one vacation before I was gonna be in nursing school for two years.
You chose to go to school. Don't go to school then if like all of a sudden you need to make a big splash because, oh, we're going to school. I need a big trip. Then don't go to school. You made the choice to go to school. So buckle down and finish it and pay for it. What was the trip?
We went to Arkansas. It wasn't anything crazy.
You want to go to Walmart?
No, well, like, I just-
We went to the hot springs.
Yeah, we went to the hot springs and we didn't spend like a whole lot of money. We just like went outdoorsy. We went to like the crater of diamonds and like-
Yeah, but guess what? You spent a thousand two hundred dollars more than came in. So yeah, you spent a lot of money. It doesn't matter. You spent, if you make four hundred dollars and you spend six hundred dollars, you spent a lot of money. If you make two hundred thousand dollars and you spent three hundred thousand dollars, you spent a lot of money. It is all ratio. You spent a lot.
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Of money.
Yes, correct.
Yes, but it's to make memories, lifelong memories.
Lifelong memories, buddy. I don't think you can remember three sentences ago from this conversation I've had so far. What are we talking about? This is stupid.
You need to go through school. This is what you decided. You don't get to, because you made a choice of what you want to do in your career, we do not get to enable ourselves to make bad decisions because of that choice you made.
Right.
And that's your entire thing is you're allowing yourself to go spend a thousand two hundred dollars more than you bring in because you're going to go to school, but you're choosing to go to school. So who cares? Just don't go to school then.
Well, I like to make memories, so.
It's important to make memories.
I agree, but you guys are making choices in life. Do you not agree with her choice to go to school then?
I do agree with it.
Then what are you doing? You gotta choose. Which one are you choosing? Cause you're not paying for school and doing this.
I'm paying for school. He's not paying for school.
You guys are married.
I know, but our finances are separate right now.
But why are we maintaining that when clearly it has not worked? I thought a couple of months ago, we learned our lesson.
I don't know. I just, okay, I don't feel like, even though it's because we don't have any overhead, like you said. So I don't feel like it's his responsibility to pay for the things that I want.
You guys are married. You're together. You're doing this together. It's not his responsibility, my responsibility. It's money. It's together. You guys are together.
That's like the goal. Like I want to have a joint bank account and then like separate bank accounts on the side. But we just haven't done that yet.
I mean, in your conversation with Lindsay, you said, you specifically said that you feel it's disrespectful for your dad.
I do feel like it's disrespectful because we live in my dad's.
It's disrespectful to your dad for him to be into debt?
Because we're not paying any bills. I'm not paying any bills. I'm just blowing all the money I make.
Okay. Yeah.
I agree. Daddy's footing the bill and you're doing nothing.
I just like to spend money. I have a pro- I have a spending problem.
What have you done to mitigate that? Obviously nothing, but.
I've taken his cards.
Yeah, what have you done?
Nothing.
Without your wife having to step in?
So you're doing, we're dealing with a man baby here? You've married a child?
But I didn't know before we got married.
What were our conversations with money like before marriage?
Um, we were gonna have a, we were gonna have a joint bank account.
Okay, well, these are completely different answers.
I know. We were gonna start saving for a house. Like we had lots of plans and then it's like we got married and then it didn't happen. But I did have like, right after we got married, I had a TSI. So it's like a mini stroke. So like that was kind of scary because I was under a lot of stress, like, because I was working a lot of jobs. So that kind of put a hold on my working and like my, um, not my working, but like my schooling stuff. I kind of put a pause on that.
You do this?
She had a fucking stroke in her early twenties?
A mini stroke from like stress, but still, yeah.
Miniature stroke, sure.
Little chode stroke. I get it.
Yet you do this.
It doesn't make me feel good.
I think that's all it does is make you feel good and you prioritize that over taking care of anyone else around you. I mean, I just got a note that apparently the dad that is taking care of you just lost his job.
Yeah, he did. He did get a new job, but so we have known that he was gonna lose his job for like six to seven months before he actually lost it, just because the company was closing down. So that freaked me out because I was like, oh, my gosh, if like, if I did have to pay for like the mortgage or the electric bill or something like I want to make sure that I have money saved where I would be able to do that if I needed to. Like, I didn't think that I would be put in that financial position, but like just in case. And then that's like also why this was such a crazy shock to me because he also knew that he was losing his job. He knew that I was worried about my dad losing his job and like, and he continued to spend money that he didn't have.
Listen, answer this candidly. Does pro gamer over here, has he ever done anything big, monumental, that is selfless? Because he just seems through his actions and through everything, knowing what's happened with your little stroke, knowing what's happened with your dad losing his job, dad taking care of you guys. You specifically said that you guys talked about getting your finances together, getting a house together. And then his response to that question is you guys didn't have a single conversation. Has he done anything in this relationship financially? Has he done anything that is not just pure him?
Like whenever we were first started dating, we would like go on dates and stuff.
Oh.
I think I would.
Monumental, not getting a dinner.
I would say no. My engagement ring, my wedding ring.
What are your thoughts on this guy?
I think that I like to spend money on her. I spend money on her taking her on dates and stuff, on concerts. We go to concerts.
She wants a house. She wants a future. She wants to pay for school. She wants to take care of the household when dad loses the job. I don't think she gives a if you're getting her to make nuggets when it comes to the big picture here, guy.
Yeah, I know. I need to work on that. I'm trying to work on it. I'm trying to get another job.
What a fucking deflection of an answer. Oh, what a gross answer. I hate when people give me that answer because it sounds right, but it's the most bullshit that anyone can give. If you go to an alcoholic and say, dude, no, we gotta, I'm trying, I'm trying. No, you're not. I want to change. No, you don't. You're not putting in the actions to suggest that. That is the most deflective answer that you could ever give in any kind of criticism is I'm trying. Someone said to me, Caleb, you're looking fatter. And I said, I'm trying. No, I'm not.
Spending money is an addiction. I have a very addictive personality.
Then what have you done? Others? Exactly. So you're not trying. So never say that again. If I ever hear you say that again, I will get a spray bottle and spray you. That because that is not true. If you've done nothing, the only attempt that has been done to fix this is her stepping in.
You are dragging her down beyond, beyond what she ever imagined. Look at this.
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When we first started dating, I had a credit card, my first credit card I ever got, my Quicksilver card. And I didn't, I still don't know how credit works, but I didn't, I especially didn't know then. So I would just spend and spend and spend, make the minimum payments. And then I had an ex-girlfriend and I put her on the credit card with me.
You made her an authorized user?
Okay. Did you fucking rack it up?
Oh, for fuck's sake. Is that one of the debts today?
No, no, I've paid that off, but I've ran the card back up.
Oh, fuck's sake. So his ex's card.
When we first started dating, that was like the only debt that he had that I had known about besides like the car payments, but that was the only thing that I had known about. And then he had paid it off. So I was like, oh, this is like a green flag. Like, maybe he gave his ex-girlfriend a credit card to use or like they racked it up or whatever, but he paid it off. So like, that's a green flag to me is that he like can know how to pay off debt now. But obviously that's not the case.
That was before I had, I only had two credit cards at that time.
What do you have now?
I think six.
Oh, for fuck's sake. But where do you think you'd honestly be today if it wasn't for you? Cause you've stepped in here.
Yeah. So I've been like checking his account every single day and I think he's only not spending because I'm checking it every single day. Like, I feel like I'm moming him every single day. Like he comes home, I'm like, give me your phone. I can see the look on his face. He's like, oh, here we go again. Um, whenever I wrote down all of his stuff, he's got like a payment that he has to make like every single day of the month, like subscriptions, credit card bills, like everything. There's almost one every single day. So it's like, I don't feel like I'm enough to like keep him accountable, to make all of his payments and do all of his things and not spend all his money. So that's why I applied.
Do you not feel the absolute most disgusted in the entire world hearing that? I feel gross. It's under my skin.
She doesn't, she doesn't have to be the sole one to keep me accountable.
But she clearly does. She just said she does. She said you would be missing payments or overdrawing or something like that if she was not checking.
I don't think he'd missing payments because everything's on like auto pay.
Overdrawing. Maybe she said overdrawing then, if she wasn't checking the accounts.
Yeah, I've never missed.
That's crazy.
Live with her dad and then she's also your mom.
Yeah, and I don't have any kids, so I don't want to be anybody's mom.
Do you want to have kids?
Yeah, I would love to have kids if we could like get our shit together and have a house.
No offense with you guys, but how? He's another child. Financially speaking, I don't want to speak for your entire life. I don't know your entire life, but just finances, okay?
Right? He's another child.
I think another problem I have is I've never had any good financial role models.
No one has, buddy. Shut the [__] up. What a jancer.
Well, I tell him that because I have like good financial role models.
Well, good for you, but that is a rarity.
But I feel like-
But that's a rarity. I didn't, Lindsay hasn't, uh, Christian hasn't, Jake has, and Jake's on his honeymoon. But like, no one has. I mean, I have a note that, I guess, because we just got to peel the onion here, that you found out a year into being married that he had $5,000 of debt, obviously, and we know where it is now.
Yeah, yeah.
And that you trusted he was taking care of it, but he wasn't.
I did. I found out. We were like in the HEB parking lot. There was like a new HEB that just like opened up. And I was like, I don't even remember what we were gonna go do, but I was like, like, let me check your bank account. Because it's something I would just ask him, like, because I want to be knowledgeable of like what he has. Just the same as like, I feel like he should be knowledgeable of what I have, especially because we don't have a joint account. And then I saw like his credit card and I was like, oh my gosh, what is that? And he was like, don't worry, like, I'm gonna pay it down, like, telling me all the right things. So I was like, okay. And then I like brought it up a couple times. He said he was paying it. But like paying off your debt is not just making the minimum payments, because that's gonna take you 20 years. I don't want it to take 20 years. We need to be making more than that.
You'd be okay with having a kid that's lied to you twice now? How can we trust this? I'm sorry, I'm not honestly here to just bully, bully, bully, bully, bully you. I love doing like roasts and stuff like that. But I, that is a legitimate, honest question. How the [__] can you trust having a kid with someone that has lied to you twice in two years? Major lie. Not a little petty lie.
Major life lie.
I meant it when I said it. I didn't just say it just to get her off my back. I meant that I was gonna get it worked off, but then I decided to open more credit cards.
How can you be with, how can you be with?
I have to apologize to my boy Papa God out there. He thinks I'm always trying to break couples up. I promise I'm not, but I do have to ask, how the can you be with someone that always promises he's gonna change and then literally never changes, but actually only gets worse?
Why do you think?
She loves me a lot.
Yeah, well, that's, yeah, I love him, but.
I treat her right. I don't, I'm not a bad guy. No, you don't. No, you don't, because this is treating. Treating isn't the small actions of you buying a flower, taking her to a meal. This is a part of treating. Remember, she just said that the conversations that you guys had before getting married about finances, we're getting a house and getting your finances in order, and you said you didn't have a conversation.
Well, I felt like we had all kinds of conversations before we got married about how things were gonna go and how things, this and that and the third, and then it just like.
And how do you feel that when he answered that question, he says you guys didn't talk about?
It pissed me off, because how do you, what do you mean? Like, I just don't feel like finances are as important to him as it is to me. I don't feel like it's important enough to like end a marriage over, but it's definitely something that if it continues to go this way, like, that's not, like, that would end the marriage. Like, what do you mean, we didn't talk about finances before we got married? How do you think we didn't talk about that?
I just feel like we didn't talk about having joint accounts. I thought we talked about having a single joint account for bills and.
Okay, that is a joint account.
Yeah, but.
But if you have a joint account, most of your money is going into the joint account and the savings account, and then you might have like a little bit of money on the side here and there for like things that you want. It's not like, oh, a thousand dollars here, a thousand dollars there. That's not what's in this like savings account for us. That's like, I want some Dunkin', and I'm gonna get Dunkin' on my own little card. It's not like spending hundreds of dollars.
Yeah, I just don't remember having all these conversations.
How the f**k are you guys gonna go anywhere with that?
I honestly don't remember.
Is he gaslighting you right now?
I don't know. I don't know. I feel like sometimes he is because he says that he's gonna do things and then he doesn't, but...
Yeah, forever. Honestly, with him and his actions, you guys are never gonna be able to move out. Never gonna get a house. I, buddy, come on.
Well, I-
Literally no answer you could say about anything finances based on your actions have any merit to them. I'm sorry. I mean, you've lied about everything. Not lie in terms of like intentionally like, yeah, I'm gonna go like financially cheat. No. But you say you're gonna do something and then you never do it. So you saying, yeah, I think we're gonna move out, that has no, no standing. No standing. I'm about to go into these documents, but just generally, what is the state of this marriage? What do we think?
Whenever we got married, I thought that like I needed to see a little bit more, so I didn't change my last name when we got married. So, and then I told him like, oh, if you pay for like my-
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Health insurance, cuz like I felt like he wasn't doing enough. Like, he wasn't ticking off every single box. Like, basically just the financial box. Like, I needed to know more about his finances and like, things like that before I like, changed my last name cuz that is like, kind of a long process. Like, you have to change like, your social security card, like, everything, so, um- I told him like if you pay my health insurance then then I'll like change my last name and then I found out about all this debt so I don't feel comfortable like change my last name if you're just gonna rack up the debt and then like if we get divorced like I'm just gonna have to change my name back.
You do nothing. I'm I I don't want to go full 1950s here but what kind of man are you?
If you see it that way, I don't think I just think I have.
She's asked for the basic minimum just so she can change her last name to your last name and you won't even stand up and do the basic bare minimum. You're not a man. You're a child.
If you say so.
Huh. Pathetic. Pathetic. You're pathetic. I'm sorry. I'm a little disgusted. I like you. I genuinely like you. I don't necessarily dislike you, but I'm disgusted by you in this. Like, come on. There is another individual here that has her heart attached to you.
Yeah, I see that. I know she does.
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Are you just plain, is he just plain dumb?
Um.
Is he just?
I don't think so. No, like it's really just like about money that this is like any other aspect. He's like very knowledgeable. Like I just think he is like uncomfortable when it comes to money. I don't know exactly why.
Money is uncomfortable.
Money is everything, though. It is your future.
And that's how I feel. I don't feel like.
It is so important.
It's like I don't feel like money is an uncomfortable topic. I feel like it's uncomfortable for some people and the reason it's uncomfortable is because it needs to be talked about more. So.
It can be uncomfortable, but uncomfortable doesn't mean we run away from it.
If you run away from one of the number one causes for divorce in this country.
You're gonna get divorced.
I'm gonna go three, two, one, go on, go at the same exact time you guys are going to give me what you think your household financial score is zero to 10, 10 being the highest, zero being the lowest. Three, two, one.
Four.
What the after all that you give a four and you give it, what the do you think is going on?
I don't know. I just feel like it's really bad, but it's like at a number to where it's can be brought down to if we get it now.
But you're not doing it, but that that depends on it having already been done.
It's not a hammer future financial score. I'm confused. Okay. If you want your assessment to see where you are in the world of finances, go to Calebhammer.com or click the link in the description below and take the assessment and you can come on the show by going to Calebhammer.com/apply. And don't forget, if you don't want to be like a guest on the show, all you have to do is download my budgeting app, download it, automatic account connections, community, a lot of great stuff in there and we're improving it with new features every single month. It's awesome. And if you sign up for the annual version, I'll give you our cookbook that cannot be purchased anywhere else. I'll sign it and I'll mail it directly to you and our budgeting notebook. All right. Let's jump into this. These here documents.
Let's get into it.
Quick silver one. Well, I'm guessing every single credit card, if I'm not mistaken, is yours. So I don't even have to ask.
I have one in there.
Okay. Okay. So quick silver one. This is yours?
Yes. Mine. This is my first credit card ever.
Congratulations. So the card that, you know, we discovered two months ago. What did we discover this card two months ago?
That was the one that was in my car. Yeah.
Okay. This was the one in the car.
Uh, so it was taken away and uh.
No, I just took this one away. Like when I found out. This was like two weeks ago that I found out about. I took all his cards away.
No, what did we do right before that on this card before we took it away? What did we do before that?
Uh, probably gas station.
You spent $661.05, buddy. That is how much you bring in a week now because your job has gone to the worst. That is a week worth of spending that you did before taxes, by the way, because you're contracted, you need to set money aside. That is a week's worth of pre-tax income, more than that you put on a card that you are not paying off because you only put money towards the minimum of the payment and is accruing interest. It is now, congratulations, maxed out.
How long does this take to pay off if we only do minimum monthly payments and we don't do any purchases of which you are incapable of without your wife taking away the cards? Let's hear from you.
Three years.
Okay, fourteen.
Fourteen.
Congratulations. Yeah, that's your marriage. You guys are gonna be approaching fourteen. Forty!
I didn't know it would take that long.
You didn't know anything. Yeah, all you do is spend. Maybe you look at things for the sake of your wife, for the sake of your marriage, for the sake of the household, for the sake of getting out of the house, for the sake of supporting her dad, for the sake of literally anything that you guys have discussed, maybe all you have to do is take a look. This is simple. The statement is in front of me. It took me less than a second to see that. All you had to do was look.
But you didn't, because you put in no effort, because you don't give a
I do.
No, you don't, or else you would do something, man.
I feel like I'm trying. I'm trying to find another job.
Where's your try? Try? It's not a job situation, guy. It is your spending. No matter your job, you spend the money you have. Hey, guess what? You brought in good income last year and you accumulated $24,000 of debt. So I don't give a about a job. No matter what job you have, you spend 25% more. Fifty percent more.
I just feel like with all the bills that I have, I don't have enough money coming in at the moment.
Because your credit cards are racked up and you have to have a high monthly payment.
I know. That's why I feel like I don't make enough money, because all these monthly payments are so high. And I have so many of them.
Why are they high?
Because I
Because last year when you made good money, you spent 50% more than you brought in.
So it is not an income situation, guy.
I just spent money. That's all I can say.
Oh, guys, he spends money. I don't know if you know this.
Does he spend money?
Yes, he spends money.
Oh, wow! Crazy! $1,844.38 is owed on this.
$34.77 of interest accrued, only paid the minimum payment. Minimum payment is now higher of $56. You're gonna pay a total of $5,405 if you only do minimum payments, which you have to do without purchasing, which you don't do. Yeah, so it's gonna go up by more than double.
That's a lot of money.
It's a lot of money. It's gonna be not getting her house, not even an apartment, not even a studio.
That's living with daddy forever.
My mindset, I can figure it out.
But it's been like two months and he has like, he has stopped spending on his cards and he's stopped buying sports cards. But I took them. So of course he's not gonna spend on them cuz I have them in my hand.
It wasn't a behavior change.
No, yeah.
It wasn't a behavior change. You took away the
He will find another way to can slide that needle in.
I think I'm, I'm done spinning.
What's this? I found a way.
I will find a way. That's my mindset.
I will find a way. We haven't even found a way. We haven't even find it. We're, we're, we're, we're, we're finding the way. We're discovering it.
Yeah. It takes time. It takes time.
How long is it gonna take, Guy?
Hopefully not too much longer.
What do I even do with that? What am I supposed to do? What do you do with that when you hear that in the conversations that you guys have around money? Dude's lost in the desert for decades.
Well, this is the most I've heard. It's usually like, I don't know. And then I feel crazy because I'm like, this is a lot of money. Where is it coming from? What are you spending it on? And it's not like feasible things. Like if you bought a new car, okay. If you have like a shopping addiction and you're buying new clothes or cool shoes, okay. But like, like what he's buying is like not up there with the things that it's like, okay, I can understand how you have debt from like buying that.
Listen, I don't know what to do with this kind of person because I don't know what his ambitions are. Like there's usually something I can grab onto and be like, okay, if we do this, this, this, this, we can get to this thing. He's clearly satisfied with living at home. He, he might say something different, but he's clearly satisfied with it. He's satisfied. He's okay with staying stagnant.
He's okay with you guys not moving forward in your relationship more than you have. This is very clear, just with the actions. The thing is, he is the deflection master. He is doing the classic deflection that I see on the show all the time, but honestly to a new degree. Where it's, I will try. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try. I didn't know. I don't know. You're right. That's wrong. But that's all deflections. It sounds like maybe it's the right answer, but it is the, you know, I put out a point and he's just immediately throws it away by saying, I'm gonna try. That's nothing. And what he has only demonstrated in his entire relationship with you is that he has lied and lied and then lied and then lied. And didn't put in a single action that he promised to do.
I feel like I'm putting in effort now.
She took away the cards. That is the only reason you haven't bought a new baseball card.
No, no.
Yes, yes.
He buys football cards.
Oh, sorry, football cards, which, okay, didn't even know it was a thing. When she took away the first round of cards, you then spent on the other cards. If you had other hitting cards right now, an OJ Simpson card would be popping up.
I do like my sports cards. That's, I buy a lot of sports cards.
It's profitable when you hit the right card.
He sold one for like $450 one time, but he spent like over...
I'm gonna ask a question, and it's not, it's not to be insulting to you, it's really not. I just want to approach this conversation in a okay way, so I can get through to him.
Is he legitimately stupid?
Not like legitimately. My, my [bleep] point of if he had cards he'd spend on it, his response was, "Yeah, I like baseball cards." It's okay, or for football.
No, I do come to that like thought in my head. I'm like, it doesn't make sense. Like with the things that I'm telling you and like the options that I'm giving you, how are you not understanding? Like, I'm like, well, even like [bleep] look [bleep] up. Like, how do I say this in a different way than I've already said it to make somebody understand it more? And then it's like, still doesn't get received. I do not believe that he is stupid. I 100% believe in everything that he wants to accomplish, he can, but I just don't think he cares to accomplish the things.
Maybe he's just lazy then, because again, the responses I'm getting from him is just like, "Listen, if you're not all there, that's okay, and I'm not gonna actually pick fun."
I think I'm all there.
I think he's all there too, yeah.
I also feel like, buddy, that, you know, you might be slightly special. You're gonna go impregnate a woman, she's gonna get AIDS, and then you're gonna be on a park bench, a bus bench, telling people about it.
Where does AIDS come from?
You didn't get the reference? That's okay.
No.
What's the reference?
Oh, Forrest Gump.
He's very Forrest Gump-esque.
I get it now.
Other than that, I don't think he can run.
So what's going on with this card guy?
Sports cars, gas station.
Ebay, is that the cards?
Sports cards, yeah.
Alta, eighty-four dollars at Alta.
Birthday present.
Ebay, going inside the gas station, getting some bullshit, getting some bullshit. Cards, cards, Panda Express, cards, cards, Sonic and McDonald's, and this would still be happening right now if she did not take away the cards. Spending cards. Sell your fucking cards, your other dumb cards, what's your collection worth?
Thirty-three hundred.
For her, sell them. You can accumulate them again as a hobby when you budget them and after you guys do the basic minimum responsibilities of moving out, having an emergency fund and no bad debt.
So sell the cards.
I will.
Good.
I hope he actually does. You've said you'll do a lot of things many times throughout your life and then you haven't. So I really hope when you guys come on the follow-up channel, I will have seen these cards paid off. But guess what? You also said a year ago that you would take care of the debt that she found out and then you did not. You also said you stopped spending on the cards two months ago when she took away half the cards. You did not. So will you actually sell the cards? No level of confidence on my end, but I really hope so.
I'm gonna sell the cards.
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I think he'll sell the cards.
So he's allowed. So you still believe him after all of this? After everything that has happened?
Okay, because if he doesn't, then you have a little bit to blame there too, because you haven't learned the lesson of trusting him.
No, 100%. Yeah, I agree.
Why do you believe him? After everything?
You love him?
Yeah, I love him.
But why do you believe him?
I love him, but I don't think love is enough to stay in a marriage.
No, it's not.
So, and I've told him that before. So, I mean, we're just kind of seeing what happens with that, I guess.
This is an extreme example, but if you love someone and that someone hits you, I need you to get the [__] out of that house.
Right, yeah.
Extreme example. But still, if he keeps lying about changing behavior and he is endlessly holding you back forever, and you need to know this, love will not forever hold her there. But you are satisfied living at home and being stagnant in the world. I don't know what you do on a daily basis. You pick up your bull, you look at cards and you play Call of Duty. I don't know what is happening, but she is not going to stick around. And if you love her, you need to put in a little bit of effort. How close are you at calling quits? Be honest. He's here. He needs to know how close in your mind. Percentage? 100% quits, 0% is I'm never going to move from the couch.
Like 40%.
That's brutal.
Yeah, it does hurt to hear.
Wait, no, forty percent like never gonna leave from the couch. Wait, I thought one hundred percent was like I'm leaving right now.
Yeah, and zero percent is I'm never gonna leave.
Okay, so yeah, forty percent.
Yeah, that's brutal.
Okay, I was just making sure.
I'll basically halfway to leaving.
Well, because I need to see changes because I don't think I can.
Is that not an emergency? Wee woo wee woo wee woo.
It is an emergency.
Yeah, he doesn't have a single fucking ounce of energy or care or anything.
I do care.
So when you have a kid with this man, the example that he's gonna be leading by in life, you're comfortable with that?
And that's why it's just a forty percent. If the person I was with is telling me they're forty percent walking out that door, whole my fucking emergency alarm bells going crazy. I would do everything in the world to try to fucking figure out what is going on, but you already know what's going on. You've known what's going on. You've known at least for a year what's going on. Yet you've only gotten worse and that percentage is likely only going up further.
Hundred bucks of interest losses here so far. It looks like the interest recently kicked in maybe. And again, it's basically maxed out. It's like a couple of dollars away. City Rewards Plus, who's this?
Mine.
That's also the other one that was in the car.
It's also another one that, yes, got spent two hundred one dollars on.
That's it? It's only two hundred dollars?
Two hundred dollars, twenty dollars and nineteen cents of interest occurring. Only the minimum of the payment was put towards it. You know why you only put two hundred dollars towards it? Because it's fucking maxed out.
Got it.
Yeah. Again, just like he's not spending only because you have the cards. He didn't spend more on this because he literally could not.
So the balance of $970.25. Once that minimum monthly payment hit, it brought it down from the a thousand. It's a $41 minimum monthly payment now, and it was then too. This one's three years to pay off. What's going on with this card guy?
More of the same.
Oh, you only work four to five hours a day?
What has been finding this new job looked like? Cause yeah, time to go.
Looking on Indeed.
Well, he's had job offers and then he's-
I just don't get calls back.
But she just said you had job offers.
Yeah, he did have job offers and then he didn't take them. Cause I wanted him to get a job that would provide benefits. Cause we have benefits through the marketplace and that's why they're so expensive.
Well, yeah, and that's great, but at a certain point, we need our income to come in like that is number-
Yeah, no, 100% like any type of job, but I didn't know the severity of this. I didn't know about like the hiding cards.
Oh, all the cards.
Like I didn't know about the extra hiding comes. No.
You knew that.
No, I knew about his income dropping too, but he only was looking for a job, not because his income was dropping, but because I took all his fucking cards away. So then, since I knew about his debt, that's when he started looking for a new job.
Get it paid off faster.
And I asked him, what would you have done if I didn't find this? And he was like, oh, well, I was just trying to pay it off before you would know.
What industry are you-
What are you trying to get into? Are you trying to just get any job? Like, what are we trying to do?
I want to get a apprenticeship with a plumbing company.
Okay. There's at least in the construction project management world, I can get you like a certification there through course careers. I'll gift that to you. Hard answers them. I personally love them. So I'll hook you up with that. It's not plumbing specifically, but they are expanding more into the trades.
I'm openly looking at any of the trades.
What offers have we declined?
Uh, insulation, insulation?
Uh, income. Let's talk income.
Oh, seventeen an hour.
Yeah, it wasn't anything.
And eighteen an hour.
Okay, but how many hours and plus overtime?
Like forty.
Thirty-five, forty.
Yeah, but you could at least kinda, the second job, why aren't you dropping McFries in the evening? Like, we gotta pay bills, buddy. We're living with her daddy.
I don't wanna work at McDonald's.
I don't give a-
I work fast food. I hate fast food.
Wait, let me check that. No, I still don't care. I'm, I'm- You have to pay bills. You racked up a bunch of debt. This is your responsibility. I don't care if you don't want to do something. What type of entitlement complex do you have? If you had to pay for the roof over your head, you guys would be kicked out of that roof over your head. What is this entitlement that you have?
It's, it's not entitlement.
Yes, it is.
It's preference.
No, that's entitlement. You're not willing to work a job that you feel kinda sucks a little in order to pay the bills. And you would rather live with her dad than go and work a job that you feel is slightly beneath you.
I don't think McDonald's would pay, pay good, like ten dollars an hour.
It doesn't pay well, but it pays and you're making nothing.
I'm trying to get something that's-
I agree, except something else in the meantime, you tit. You're not making money. You can't give her a life.
She's not gonna be working in a few months.
I agree there.
Oh, congratulations. I'm glad you agreed with the literal reality of the existence around us.
Then work! I'm trying. No, you're not. You just specifically said you would not be willing to work in a certain industry, like flat out.
Fuck you. Put in the work. You're twenty-four. Man up.
I'm not saying it's a permanent job. I'm not saying it's a completely fucking past correction job. I'm saying it is extra income that we can get in the evenings, cause guess what? That is the shifts that people do not wanna work. So, if you're doing an overnight shift, late shift, whatever, you are doing stocking shelves, I don't care. Jobs that are hiring.
That brings in extra money to take care of life. We have goals and you are preventing. You specifically, you are preventing the household from getting to those goals. So what do we do instead? We go, we go to McDonald's. Yeah, the first one. I don't even know that. Wow, great. Then you stop in Circle K, get yourself some chips and energy drinks, whatever. Jack in the Box, go in and get some BS going and get some BS going and get some BS. Jack in the Box going, get some BS. Jack in the Box going, get some BS. Yeah, you can work at McDonald's because congratulations, you go there again. And you spend a literal same amount. So we're on a repeat for sure. Then McDonald's, Jack in the Box, Amazon, Jack in the Box, Gilberto's Taco Shop.
Go in and get some BS, Jack in the Box.
I like Jack in the Box.
We're confirming.
He's not stupid. We are confirming he's not stupid.
Pull up your Amazon, big guy.
My Amazon?
Oh, he doesn't really do a big Amazon spending.
I saw enough on here that I want to look.
He did have two Amazon accounts that he was paying for. So we canceled one.
And we're confirming?
Yeah, not stupid.
Oh, you guys have a dog?
That's not for our dog. That's for his grandma's dog. We do have two dogs, though.
Connected fuel pump, Finn Wan throttle body. Yeah, not much. Okay, not much in here. Uh, but let's look at your subscriptions. Amazon Prime Video, Apple TV Plus, Gmail, iCloud Plus, Max and Twitch. Twitch, where are you paying eight dollars for Twitch? It's the KCO?
Queso. You don't know who Queso is?
Uh-uh, not in the streaming world.
No, he's like, he's, he's really funny. He's a really big streamer.
You laugh a lot when she can't have her own house?
Apparently.
It's a good joke. It's a good joke you're playing. Real comedic. I bet we just, big giggle fest when she found out all the debt a couple of months ago.
Yeah, that's exactly what that was.
If you have time to watch all that content, including a live streamer, including all the subscriptions you pay for, Prime Video, all that bullshit, Apple TV Plus, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You can be dropping fries.
Buddy, put the fries in the bag.
Yeah, you make a good point.
I mean, again, this is another note. You specifically told Lindsay in the interview that it pisses you off when he's still in bed in the morning and you're leaving for work and he's just in bed.
Yeah, because his job doesn't like, he doesn't have a nine to five or like steady hours every single day. Like he'll get like an email with the information and then he can go within like two days of whenever he gets the email to go do it. So he usually will like get the email and then go right then, but like I'm up at five o'clock in the morning feeding the dogs, like feeding the lizard, doing all the things and then I'm leaving for work. And then I'm coming home at like eight o'clock at night and whenever I leave for work, I'll like check his location throughout the day and he's like still at home and I'm like, what the are you doing like from like, I just feel like he should be working more. And whether that is five hours at McDonald's or whatever, because five hours at McDonald's at $10 is $50 and that's a minimum payment.
I'll just, I'll be honest, this is gonna make me sound like the most traditional man in the history of the world. I'm not like super trad or anything like that in like 1950s, 60s, whatever. That's not me, but there is a part of me where like, I mean, my way, she can do whatever I want, you know?
Like go, do whatever you want, girl. Uh, but if I can't put a roof over her head, can't put food on the table, have hidden debts, and she's out there working more than me, I'd be embarrassed as a man.
It is embarrassing.
Yet he does nothing. He won't go and work. He just told me he won't do it.
So embarrassing, fuck you. 1% maybe. She's 40% of the way from leaving. I bet it's gone up to 45 since this conversation started. So what do you do the rest of the time?
The other, however many hours a week.
Six hours a day, is that what I heard? Yeah, about five, six.
Five to six on average.
Yeah, let's call it five.
So what do you do the other 133 hours of the week?
Watch movies.
That's disgusting. And I love a good movie. That's disgusting.
What are your thoughts? What's going through your head right now?
I don't have anything to say because I...
No, just tell me what you're feeling, what you think, because hold my...
Like, I just can't. I can't feel, I can't think about it because it will like cause me to spiral because I'm working. I'll work like two jobs in one day, so I'll work, I'll like nanny from...
Two jobs in one day? How many jobs do you have?
So I like nanny and then I work at a monastery school. And then I do like birthday parties on the weekend.
She has three fucking jobs!
And I work part-time at Target too.
She has four jobs! Oh, you just...
But it's not like, they're not...
Oh, fuck it, someone castrate this man.
You don't deserve it. You don't deserve her.
I don't have anything to say. It's just like, I can't think about what he's doing at home because I'll be at work pissed off. So I'll just... Not.
What's keeping you around? Is it just that initial love? Because I, what else could there be?
Well, I think...
I'm sorry, I'm really not, it's not like I want you guys to break up, but like, what is keeping you around? I'm just...
Um, like, we have a lot in common, I love him, I think he's gonna be a good dad. It's literally just...
How?
I know, just with the finances.
But that's huge!
I know it's huge, but...
You want to take care of your children, put them through the sports programs they want to do.
Every other aspect is there, besides the finance. And yes, that is number one priority to like most people and to me as well.
Sounds like you have a good friend, but not a good partner.
And again, uh, fuck it, I mean, yeah, I'm not super trapped and everything, but like, do you want to be the breadwinner when you're the mother?
When you're a mom, if you're birthing a child, do you want to be the breadwinner?
Okay, I want to be a stay-at-home mom. If I be. If I could be, but that's not...
Away from that.
I know, so that's not feasible.
Can you trust this man when he leaves the house? He's stopping at gas stations every five minutes to get what? I don't even know.
Well, when I'm, when I'm not working, it's hot. I, sometimes I'll go out and it'll take seven hours. And I'll drink, I'll drink all my water, I'll eat all my food.
Five hours a day, we'll do the packs of fucking water.
Okay, so whenever I first.
I drink a lot of water.
Whenever I first found out about like the gas station spending, we went and we went to the store because I buy the groceries for the house. So we went, I bought, what drinks do you want? What drinks would you stop and buy at the gas station? What do you want them? We have like an outdoor fridge, we'll put them in the outdoor fridge, they're stocked. And then he'll drink them at home. I'm like, that's not for at home, that's for whenever you go to work. And then he'll forget to take them to work. So then he'll stop at the gas station. Because he couldn't just get the drinks that I bought him at home.
A child, a child.
I like to go to QT in Circle K.
Well, I, I, I support your decision to be a stay at home mom when you want to, but
It's not feasible right now.
It sounds more like anything he's gearing up to be a stay at home dad.
Yeah, which I would be totally okay with. I don't have a problem.
Sounds like that's what he's already chosen though.
He wants to stay at home and watch movies all day.
All right. Sapphire, whose is this?
Okay. What a thought. Five thousand three hundred forty-four dollars and eleven fucking cents. What the, that is a, for your income, that is an insane credit card balance. What is going on here?
Sports cards and fast food and gas stations.
It's all the same. He doesn't have like a specific card that he uses for like one thing versus another thing. It's whatever comes out of his wallet first is what he'll use. And I don't think like initially he meant to like rack up the cards, which I don't think anybody does.
No, because when I first got the cards, I'd use it and get in the parking lot, pay it off. And then I made a little bit more purchases that I couldn't afford to pay off. Then decided to start making the monthly payments and keep swiping and keep swiping and keep swiping. And then that's how we got to today.
They were all paid off.
I just don't know how we can get to any future goals. And it sounds like you guys are people that like to take trips and stuff. Like, how can we take trips? How can we do that?
Well, I pay for them, that's how. Because we don't have a joint account, so I don't know what's going on on his side, because I don't want to know, because if I don't know, then it like won't be my problem. And now that I know, and now it's my problem, so now I'm freaking out about it.
But I didn't know that I would have to worry about it, because he told me he would take care of it.
I'm gonna take care of it.
Says a guy who's promised a lot of things and has never done one.
Hundred twenty-six dollars of interest has accrued seventeen years to pay this off at the record at the rate you are going.
I didn't think it'd take that long.
You didn't think it took that long?
No, I didn't really realize how interest rates worked.
Okay, but whenever I sent on all these papers, I showed you every single one. Did you know this? Did you know this? And you said, "No, I didn't know." So you should damn well know now, because I've showed them to you. You don't remember me showing them to you?
Yes, I do remember.
And we're confirming still?
Yes, not stupid.
He can't remember a day ago.
Maybe ask me a couple more times, and then maybe I'll have a different answer.
He can't remember a couple days ago.
I know, but I don't understand how you're not looking at these numbers, because it's in your phone. Like, you go to make your payment, even if it's... I just don't understand people, whenever they're not checking their bank account every single day. Like, what are you doing?
Once a week.
At least, at the very least, I guess, but I check it every single day, so...
Again, force him to use our budgeting app, because it's automated. He can at least log in there, and everything's connected across the board. You guys get it for free forever for being on the show. So make sure you guys download the app. But for fuck's sake, that'll at least make it easier, but you still gotta open it.
I know, I've been better, I've gotten better at opening and checking.
Yeah, for a week, so that means nothing to me. You fall back into old patterns like that. Like, everyone does slightly better before they come on the show. Literally, every guest does so much better for a week or two.
It takes like ninety days to create a habit, doesn't it?
Sure.
I'm working towards those ninety days.
If you can maintain it, the median guest on the shows pays off ten thousand. Hours in 10 months, you know, up to the end of last year and then we'll do an annual report at the end of this year. Uh, but again, remember the only reason you're doing these things is because she's taking the cards and because she's looking at the accounts. She says that. She said, the only reason you're not doing these things is because she is looking at the accounts.
That's what I think. I don't know what goes on in his head, but that's the only thing that is like feasible to me is like, I took the cards, I applied for the show. He said, oh, we're gonna go on this show. I need to get my together.
Yeah. And he hasn't done anything. And that's the reason, because everyone gets a little exposed on the show. So just leading up to it, they do a quick little behavior change, but it is not something that if you are actually planning to change, well, that is not something that I think based on his behavior, he would change. I think you're gonna do well. Most guys do well. Some don't. Some go in reverse and they bring down the median. You know, because more, most people actually do better than the median, but you know, we bring it down. Bring down the average and then the median. Um, so,
I don't know, your behavior in historic says, I don't know. I just, I don't, I. Congratulations. You did good for a couple of weeks before you came on the show where you're getting evaluated on it. That means nothing. It doesn't mean anything when anyone does that. I think we would all do it.
Huh? I think it shows I'm trying.
No, it shows that you were gonna come on this show, get called over your bull. So you put in two weeks of work before you came on the show. Same thing if I went on a dining version of the show, I would die for two weeks. So I want, I want my best to not be called out. Everyone's afraid of getting called out. This is the, this is basic.
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And of course, you got your annual fee, $95. So he's paying a fee to accrue interest to spend money and get nothing for it.
I didn't realize it had an annual fee.
You don't know anything.
We're up to 50% now, aren't we?
No, it's still 40%, but a little bit higher on the stupid scale.
Sorry. He doesn't like that word.
Have you heard of the line?
I'm trying to be rude, hon.
Sorry, buddy. I don't think you're the brightest. And that's okay.
I think I'm just not the brightest in money aspect. Other things I'm pretty smart.
But I've also just heard you participate in this conversation and you provide very interesting responses.
I'm not the best talker, I guess.
You kind of have like a Justin Bieber haircut from like 2005 as well.
Oh, my gosh. I just cut it. I just cut it.
Well, that's your fault too then, so.
No, I was like, I told him.
If you cut it to that.
Listen, okay, after we found out all about all this, he needed a haircut. Or after I found out about all this, he needed a haircut. And I've been cutting his hair. And then I was like, you might not want me to cut your hair for a bit. And then I cut his hair and I cut his bangs like a little bit too short. But it wasn't on purpose. I didn't mean to do that.
Can we send him to the barber after?
Buddy, we need to freshen this up.
I like it.
No, you don't. No, you don't. Apple, Apple card. Who's this?
Right. Shocker. Continuing $428, went up from 248. So it's gone up, it's doubled.
Yeah, I know.
Okay. Minimum with the payment, $25. Takes basically two years to pay this off.
Say, guy. It's McDonald's and Patreon. Cards, cards, McDonald's, cards, cards, McDonald's. Bullshit. Panda Express, McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's. From all that McDonald's talk, you go there all the time.
So I guess, yeah, you'd be a little embarrassed with people that sees you at the drive thru every single day for you to be walking in asking for a job. But what the is going on? Who's Patreon membership are you subscribed to? Cause.
That's a movie podcast.
It should be ours, cause we provide more content than anyone.
I didn't know you had one, so.
We provide more content in our YouTube membership than anyone. Thousands of hours. It's incredible. Extra shows.
This is just all just waste of money.
That's what I'm saying. That's. It's crazy to me because it's not anything like of subsidence.
Miscellaneous bullshit, which was not going out. Miscellaneous bullshit was 922 dollars. This is swiping on cards and stuff like that. Going out to eat was 1,035. Remember how much money you bring in?
That's not like.
It's insane.
From us together going out.
It's the total. But we've only looked at his spending so far.
And groceries is 559. You live in a fucking home.
I pay for the groceries for the house. It's like I pay for the groceries for everybody.
But 1,035 going out to eat. 922 on miscellaneous bullshit. Unknown shopping, it's Amazon, it's Walmart, stuff we can't 100% tell. 731 dollars, 25 cents. Target.
Sports cards, probably.
No, it's probably in miscellaneous. Well, actually eBay could be in there. That is true.
Target and Walmart, you, I can buy sports, sports cards there too.
Couple therapy ASAP.
Cause he also just needs to learn how to communicate.
Maybe he does care, but he just doesn't put in the effort that reflects.
I know, we've heard that part.
No, I do think that he cares. I just think he doesn't know how to like show it or I don't know.
Don't spend. That's pretty easy.
Yeah, it sounds easy.
He also just don't know how to tell the truth, be a man of your word. You don't know how to commit to anything. When's the last time you've committed to anything in your life besides the marriage? But even that you barely are.
I'm committed to the marriage.
Not in one of the largest parts of it. You guys planned on what you wanted to do after getting married and you haven't. You've been at home for two years.
So what?
We've been at home for two years with the hope to save the money.
I get that.
It's not happening.
Well, yes, we're negative. What has he done? That has shown that he's able to commit to anything for a long period of time? That you have seen?
He's committed to his credit cards.
So nothing, so seriously, there's actually nothing?
Nothing that you've seen that he's committed to? That is like something hard that he is committed to for multiple years? Cause if there's nothing, then that gives me zero hope.
I've had the same job for four years.
Why do you work five hours a week?
That's recent.
I know. You work five hours a week.
But it's current.
Just because it's recent doesn't mean it's not current.
It's also it's easy to show up to a job. That is easier than you.
Well, it's easy to show up to a job where you get to choose your hours. And you get to do what you want. And you get to stop at QT and you get to do this and that and go here whenever you want to. I would, I would love to stop at QT and get a little snack and then go.
He's there to QT, you're the side piece.
And a cheap one, I thought.
See those donut holes and prioritize that one over those, over those.
Freedom flex. What's the balance on that?
Yeah, what's the balance? Cause I have one as well.
Uh, hi.
Not mine.
Yep, cause we were purchasing on a card that we're only making the minimum payment that is accruing interest, meaning the balance went up even though you paid money towards it. It's at $2,342.88 with $79 minimum monthly payment. Interest accruing $56.8, 10 years to pay off if you don't purchase what you're incapable of. You've spent a lot of money on gambling apps? Not a lot. What? I have specifically that from you guys. He has spent a lot of money on gambling apps. You haven't for the last couple of months, but you have. I think it's about 250 total.
Oh, it's more than that.
I don't think so. You don't know anything. I think it's about 250 total. You think a lot of things, but you don't know anything. I trust her on this one. I mean, she has been quoted of, uh, of thinking that's a significant reason why the debt went up.
Yeah, I don't know exactly how much it was because I saw it and it freaked me out. Um, on the phone though, on the phone. No, no, because his brother was doing it and I has been, had been asking him for like months and months and months. Like, do you have the gambling app? Do you have the gambling app everybody's talking about? Like, do you have it? And he would tell me no, and then.
He would tell you no?
He told me no multiple times.
And you trust this man?
Yeah, I do.
You wanna have a kid with this man? I didn't have it in the beginning.
Okay, but if I'm asking you something several times and you knew it would give, like you knew it would hurt me or piss me off for you to have, and then you went ahead and downloaded it anyway. I'm sure I had asked you. Do you have the gambling app while you had had it? And you'd be like, no, I don't have it.
Yeah, I did do that.
Okay, so then.
What the [bleep] guy?
What a mess. Oh, what a, what a, what a, you're not a fucking human.
I don't think it's as much as she's making it seem.
She was very clear that she did not want you to download this app by asking if you had it so that she made sure that you didn't have it. And then you chose to do it. Then you spent money on it.
And it wasn't.
That is, that is the action. Even if you spent one dollar, it is very clear that she did not want you to be gambling.
I thought I could win.
That doesn't matter, you little fuck. You're an absolute creature of this fucking earth. It doesn't matter. She was very clear that she did not want you to have the gambling app because she knew it would be bad and she was against it. And then you went and did it regardless if you thought you would win. You did something that she didn't want you to do. And she was very clear about it. What the fuck is wrong with you?
I have a spending problem.
Ladies and gentlemen, fuck me.
I can't deal with this for one hour. How are you existing?
Because it's not like, this is just about money. So it's.
But money is so much. You just discovered. He downloaded an app without your consent that you didn't want him to have. He, you discovered that a year ago. And then he said he wasn't going to pay it off. Then you found out he wasn't, he didn't pay it off and it only went up by a substantial amount. And then after you took away the credit cards, you found he was still spending money on other fucking handy cards. This isn't just a random conversation. This is everything. How do you deal with? How about you just break down and cry?
I do. Every single time we talk about it. I just haven't because we've had like a really good month this month. Because I've, it's been like a little bit of time since I've taken his credit cards.
How long until he opens a digital one? Puts it in a wallet, a digital wallet.
I have them in my wallet.
Huh?
They're in my wallet.
Yeah, he has them all in his digital wallet. He just doesn't use them. I only have the physical copy. He knows how to use them. It's just like more of a hassle, I think.
It doesn't make any sense.
You pay for her health insurance by using Pay in four? I have a couple of times, yeah.
Yeah, the one thing that I asked him to do, he put on Pay in four. And I freaked out when I saw that, too.
What was this?
Uh, like a couple of months ago.
After I had a TSI. So something where like health insurance would be really important to have.
I would have been out of the house. I'll be honest. Maybe I just, maybe you don't have enough self-respect for yourself at this point? Or maybe you feel trapped? Or like I, no matter how much I love someone, if the, what have we stacked up to like five times where he's gone behind your back?
I would have been out of the house. You don't get to stick around. One, two, three, maybe. Change of behavior, seeing a pattern, okay? But five fucking times with no change and only gotten worse? I'm out. I'm out.
I didn't put it all together like five separate times. Like, cause it's all about the same thing, so I've grouped it all into one big thing instead of like five separate issues. Which it is five separate issues, but...
I mean, it's PlayStation Network that he's spending on. Two hundred twenty-one dollars of interest this year so far.
Your flex, the one that is spent on but is always paid off.
Correct.
I don't even care. It's about lush, go get your lush, girl.
It was, yeah.
That's fine, you're managing this fine. We are gonna have to sacrifice as a household now, unfortunately, going forward, to pay his mistakes.
I really wanted to come because I need to know like what, how much I need to be doing? So that I can still be saving for school and paying, you know...
Freedom. Back to yours, one thousand eight hundred ninety-three dollars and sixty-four cents. Seven years to pay off. Forty-four dollars of purchases, which is more than the minimum monthly payment of forty dollars. It's interest-free, for now! It's this PlayStation Network, PlayStation Network, PlayStation Network, three PlayStation Networks, one on the previous card as well, so four. What the [__]? So dude's just sitting on his ass, jacking off and playing games all day.
I don't know what those are because he doesn't. He doesn't um play games that much.
Why is there four video game charges?
I don't know. I don't know.
Couple of them are probably the monthly fee to play online and then...
One. One would be that.
And then...
One.
What are the amount?
Probably bought a couple of games or something like that.
Bought a couple of games. Off dude. Such a tit. Interest starts accruing in a couple of months when she starts school.
That would be so convenient.
Yeah. Well done guy. What a partner. What a spouse. What a man. What a future husband.
Alright husband.
Or father. What a future father.
I'm trying to better myself.
No you're not. Shut the f*** up. Say that again and I will decapitate you. I will bring in Salah. He has practice from home. What even the f*** is this?
What is this? Is this a car?
Oh yeah, that's a car.
Seventy point two five percent interest rate! Haven't seen that in years! Months. For a long time!
What the f***? What is it? Whose is it?
That's his.
It's mine. Shock. Oh, what is it?
It's a Mitsubishi Mirage.
Is he yours, please? Cause I also know you co-signed for your brother's, right?
Yeah, this is mine, yeah.
And then he co-signed for his brother's car? Say.
This was before me.
Oh, you're six thousand seven hundred f***ing... It's worth like five. So you're negative, but just a little, not horrendous. But it's at a f***ing seventeen point two five percent interest rate of death.
Monthly payment, three hundred ninety-eight dollars and twenty-three cents. With a balance of six thousand seven hundred and twenty-nine dollars and thirty-six cents. Insane interest. Insane interest, valued at five. And then what is this co- what is this f***ing co-signed brother's car, bull?
I co-signed for him to get a key to soul.
Yeah, what's the balance in minimum monthly payment and interest rate?
It got totaled. He only owes like two thousand left on it.
Which means you owe two thousand on it.
Well, he pays it.
For now. What if he dies?
Why do you ask that?
I hope he don't die.
I hope he don't as well.
I was just asking if he actually pays it cuz he's not driving the car.
Cuz it's totaled.
Yeah, is he responsible?
I think the minimum payment on that's four hundred as well. Four eleven, I think.
Why the would you cosign for your brother?
Cuz he's my brother.
But you had to pay for your brother's tolls. So how do you know he's making his car payments if you're paying for his toll payments?
Toll?
It was like two hundred and fifty dollars too. It wasn't just like a little eleven dollar toll bill.
Oh, what do you your side's a mess.
I didn't know about him until until I had the toll people call me.
No, but he wasn't paying it and you're a cosigner. Who says he's gonna pay his remainder two thousand?
He's never missed a payment on it, so.
Yeah, when did it get totaled?
Uh, like eight months ago.
But he missed his toll payments.
So how do you know he's not missing?
If he loses a job, what if he has a big emergency come up? And what if, you know, worst case, he dies? Disabled, who knows? There's so many things. Don't cosign. Do not cosign. So stupid. Is that do I have a statement for that?
I'm sure. I think I sent it. Or it might be on the credit report.
Oh, well, we'll see. I have a checking account next. Uh, okay, individual, who has Chase?
We both have Chase.
Who's Chase has four hundred ninety dollars?
Probably mine, yeah.
Well, this is not negative, though he did have a fee for not having enough. Winning at some bull Mexican Grill, Catherine State, Lake Catherine State, Apple Bill, Toasted Yo Cafe.
National Park Gifts, Flat Bottom Girls, Fat Bottom Girls. Cash App sending out forty bucks, Apple Bill, ATM withdraw sixty-five, who knows where the that went, a fee that went with it, Amazon Music, going in and getting some BS. McDonald's, more PlayStation, more PlayStation, that is six PlayStation charges at this time. Going in, getting some BS, Starbucks, going in, getting some BS, zelling out money, getting some cards, critique entertainment. What the fuck do you oh, my, there's so many pages.
The circus we went to.
Look at this fucking bull guys. This is insane.
Easy store going in getting some BS McDonald's getting some BS Disney plus ATM withdraw $150 who knows where the that went Amazon marketplace going to withdraw $150 sorry uh go and get into BS Dunkin Donuts getting some BS getting some BS getting some BS getting some BS Prime Video channels probably rented a movie or something getting some BS cash up and I money seventh PlayStation charge in one single month seven Paramount Plus Bull that one going to get into BS getting some BS getting some BS Apple cash on oh my
Get into BS get into BS McDonald's double donuts get into BS Applebells Ellen on money Applebell cash app out Prime Video Prime Video McDonald's get into BS Chili's uh cable Get in some BS cable go Casa What do you mean cable
For all you TV
Oh, okay, okay. Oh, and then the actual semi decent human being 4,432 dollars and hers go and went up and went up her balance went up. I did go out, but you can afford it in your budget with the things that you're doing, even though now that we're together and we're gonna combined. No, you actually can't anymore, unfortunately, but Jack in the Box, Cracker Barrel, Amazon, Dirty Dough, Kindle, where's the library, Applebill, Zella Money, Applebill, Netflix, Spotify, Rita's going and getting some BS Burger King, Amazon, Jack in the Box, Amazon, Brew House, Brew House, DoorDash, Dunkin Donuts, Baskin Robbins, Amazon, Panera Bread, uh, Target, Target.
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Storage subscription, Sonic Drive-In, Apple bill, Amazon. Pull out your phone. Two thousand in savings went up five hundred bucks. That's good.
Hundred fifty dollars in, I'm guessing, your savings.
Yep.
Went down from a hundred ninety. So, oh, you're both the exact opposite. Who would've thought? Oh, and then twenty dollars in that savings. Okay, household income for now is forty-eight hundred. It's gonna go down when, you know. When schools start?
Um, August, like, end of August.
We're doing everything as a household now. Get a joint checking account. Get eyes on each other's budgets, uh, eyes on each other's credit cards, and then budget through the budgeting app on a monthly basis. Sit down, see what went wrong, see what happened, see what we need to prove on a monthly basis. But our debt for the household is eight hundred and nineteen dollars and twenty-three cents on a monthly basis. Well, nothing to rent, nothing to utilities, we pay nothing to dad.
Okay, but you take care of groceries. How much is that on a monthly basis? Who are you, how many people are you taking care of?
Three.
Okay, I'm allowing you to contribute the household up to, it's because it's not his fault, you can give a little more for dad.
A thousand dollars.
A month.
But no going out to eat, that's the thing.
Okay, that's a lot. I've been spending...
Well, it's because you go out to eat a lot. You do, you go out to eat a lot, too.
No, I do.
A thousand dollars a month, we don't really spend a thousand dollars on groceries.
I know, because you go...
Because we go out to eat, you're right.
I see what you're saying now. I see.
Phone bill.
My dad pays my phone bill.
Gas, room, from drive, drive.
Uh, I probably spend a hundred and fifty a month, maybe.
You probably spend more than that.
More, on average, probably a hundred and fifty.
You're gonna say two hundred.
Um, maybe like a hundred, if that.
Three hundred, car insurance.
Uh, mine is one sixty.
Mine's two thirty. It's, I pay for mine and my dad's.
We gotta, we gotta separate, guys. We gotta just separate from house. TP fund, two hundred dollars, anything else you guys need in life. If there's extra wiggle room there, you can put a subscription. If there's not, you can't. Car insurance, three ninety.
Medical copays or you're out of pocket right now, right?
Uh, yeah, just hers is three hundred dollars a month.
Three hundred? That's it?
Okay. No pets?
Maybe three oh three.
No pets?
Two pets.
What?
Two dogs.
Health, age?
Um, seven and five.
Five, seven year old questionable, five year old health?
Good. Both of them are good.
I don't know if the seven year old qualified for insurance. I'll budget it in like they could be. I'll do seventy dollars. Pet food, how much on a monthly basis?
Um, like eighty.
Anything else that needs to be in this budget?
Uh, my supplies for work.
Oh, yeah.
My spray paint.
How much is that?
Uh.
A month?
Now, it's probably a hundred dollars, a hundred and fifty dollars as well.
Hundred fifty? Okay. Okay, we'll call work one fifty. You guys have local rooms. This is just an absolute joke, but it's, again, it's all you. Four thousand eight hundred is welcome in. Three thousand seven hundred two dot two three is what goes out. Give you basically ninety-eight hours of wiggle room, say you have an extra thousand dollars on a monthly basis. But that's until fall, not that long. And what was that again? I mean, it's, I mean, that car is insane interest rate, so we gotta prioritize that, just like everything else. I subtracted your brother's, and I'm subtracting the cons, which is one seventy-seven, so nineteen thousand six hundred fifty-three dollars. If we were able to maintain this, I mean, obviously, basic math, it takes nineteen months.
It's not bad. So the goal is, buddy, is you got to, by the time she works, replicate her income in so that in a year and a half, year and three quarters, you guys pay off all this bad debt. And that's not the worst. And then she's almost done with school at that point. And you're gonna be grinding in order to be a man, in order to fucking take care of the household, so that you guys have, are setting up yourselves for success post-school. So you need to bring in enough money to supplement her losing her job when she goes to the school. Then in a year and three quarters, you guys pay off debt if you budget this aggressively like I am. And then you have to save up a six-month emergency fund, and then we can move out, and that'll be right around graduation. That is the step, but you have to budget together. It's combining the accounts, joint checking account.
That's where the spending is being made. No extra fund money. I gave a wiggle room of like a hundred bucks, you know, and TP fund. If you have anything left there, that's where it can be as well. Which I put 200. Okay?
Unfortunately, it's you though. And you promised a lot and you've done nothing. So that's my concern. Household financial score, we overspent, so zero out of 10 spending. Debt, it's not the worst debt. That auto loan's insane. No collections, no IRS debt. Still not good for your income situation, especially living at home. So 2 out of 10. Emergency fund, luckily you have some. In fact, well, do you have to pay 10,000 upfront for school?
Um, no. I don't know exactly the logistics of it, but I think it's like by semester. So like three ish.
Do you know your qualifications for federal subsidized student loans?
I don't qualify.
At all?
Okay, then let's keep that. I was gonna put it towards debt, but let's keep it, put it towards school. We can't borrow for that. So emergency fund.
I have like about $3,000.
Yeah, but it's honestly gonna go for school.
Yeah, well, that's not in my school savings. Like that's not included.
But I might need to go for school.
Ah, okay, I'll call it a three out of 10. Retirement, no single cent. Zero out of 10, which is horrible because you guys are losing the best decade of your life for compound growth. Real estate, zero out of 10. So hammer financial score, that is going to be a 1 out of 10. Guys, make sure to join us for the post show. Some extra drama stuff we couldn't talk about because, you know, try to keep things a little more PG and just, uh, private things, you know, from going out there. But when it's in the membership, people are willing to share a bit more. So make sure you join us there. Join Hammer Elite is the best YouTube membership in the history of the platform. The platform themselves, the higher ups have told us that. So make sure you subscribe and join us. So we'll see you in the post show. Make sure to download the budgeting app. Get yourself that signed cookbook when you sign up for annual and I'll send it to your door.
Mike, what made you confess all this?
He didn't confess, I found it.
Her dad doesn't know about the debt and the dude just lost his job and you're sitting on your ass playing video games all fucking day? You're saying you're not getting jobs or I'm applying for 50? How to do everything? Are you incapable of anything? And then her dad doesn't even know about the debt and he's taking care of you. What a joke! Dude, I'm just, I'm sick of... I'm sorry, I'm sick of you.
Sorry you feel that way.
Leave.
Yeah, he needs to get his [__] together or that's what's gonna happen.
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Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated