#156 - Joe List and Robert Kelly

Joe List and Robert Kelly return for a time-honored Stavvy’s World tradition – the Thanksgiving special – to discuss the best Thanksgiving food spreads, pizza cornucopias, gatekeeping themed cruises, different forms of medical interventions for weight loss, crossing state lines based on strip club rules, naked roast battles, and much more. Joe, Bobby and Stav help callers a guy who’s scared to bring his Indian immigrant girlfriend to Thanksgiving at his ultra-conservative MAGA fam’s house, and a woman who subconsciously emulates the accents of the people she talks to. Watch Joe List’s movie Tom Dustin: Portrait of a Comedian: https://punchup.live/joe-list/tom-dustin-portrait-of-a-comedian/purchase Watch Joe List’s special SMALL BALL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXAEFZ-z_ns See Joe List live and follow him on social media: https://www.comedianjoelist.com/ https://www.facebook.com/comedianjoelist/ https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy/ Watch Robert Kelly’s special KILL BOX: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kx6hAQJVURw See Robert Kelly live and follow him on social media: https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.youtube.com/@RobertKellyComedy https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly https://www.facebook.com/robertkellylive/ Thank you to our sponsors! Aura Frames - https://auraframes.com/stavvy use code STAVVY Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations ☎️ Have a question for a regular episode? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up Inc.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  At Lowe's this Veterans Day and every day. Military members, veterans and their spouses get automatic MyLowe's Rewards Silver Status Benefits. Plus 10% off eligible purchases with no annual limit. It's one way we honor and give back to those who have served and still do. Learn more and verify now at Lowe's.com/military. 10% discount can't be combined with another offer. Exclusions, terms and conditions apply. Loyalty program subject to terms and conditions. Details at Lowe's.com/terms. Subject to change.

• 0:55Stavros Halkias?

  Opa! Welcome everybody to Stavie's World. 904-800-Stav. Call in, we'll solve your problems. It's a wonderful holiday week. Thanksgiving. And I'm here with my comedy, my comedy father, my comedy brother, Joseph List and Robert Kelly.

• 1:16Stavros Halkias?

  You're the only one not dressed as a turkey. I'm not dressed as a pie.

• 1:22Speaker 03

  The pie doesn't say "mm." How about this now, pie does this.

• 1:27Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:28Speaker 03

  Or like this.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  That's pussy.

• 1:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's you fucking the pie? That's the...

• 1:35Speaker 04

  I like these microphone that looks like NBC Sports, like 98. Like this is what OJ had. Well, we're out here, folks, and it's gotta be a windy day.

• 1:43Stavros Halkias?

  He's doing the weather for some reason. Now he's a meteorologist.

• 1:47Speaker 04

  Sports, they talk weather, you jackass.

• 1:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but that's your go-to example.

• 1:51Speaker 04

  I couldn't think of, what am I, a fucking Hollywood actor? Fuck you. This guy's all sag now.

• 1:58Speaker 03

  He's all...

• 1:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I wonder where you were gonna go with that, Bob.

• 2:02Speaker 03

  I held it back, because I know you have new friends.

• 2:05Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 2:06Speaker 03

  You have new friends.

• 2:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:08Speaker 03

  I love your podcast. I love how you confront people on their fucking issues.

• 2:13Stavros Halkias?

  I don't confront anyone.

• 2:14Speaker 03

  We're a confronter now.

• 2:15Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not a confronter.

• 2:16Speaker 03

  I was nervous.

• 2:17Stavros Halkias?

  I am not a confronter, you fucking assholes.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  I have my wife go over words I can't say this morning.

• 2:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. That might just be good for you in society, Robert.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  It's probably good for my son.

• 2:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely. No, blacks are the best, gays are cool.

• 2:32Speaker 03

  Everybody can be what they wanna be. Do what you want. Do what you want.

• 2:37Stavros Halkias?

  You're free to change genders.

• 2:39Speaker 03

  There's no god. America stinks.

• 2:43Stavros Halkias?

  So far, so good. You haven't, you haven't heard a peep from me yet. Beautiful Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Here's what we're gonna check out from my beautiful guests and two of my best friends in the world. Joe, what do we have to plug?

• 3:02Speaker 04

  I got a, I made a movie.

• 3:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 3:04Speaker 04

  Called Tom Dustin: Portrait of a Comedian. It's on PunchUpLive.com, the greatest website of all time. And my latest special, Small Ball, is on YouTube. And I have a week, bi-weekly, no, bi-monthly bisexual podcast called The Regs with Robert Patrick Kelly, Luis Jose Gomez, and Dan.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  Soder.

• 3:26Speaker 04

  Michael Soder. I think it might be Michael.

• 3:28Stavros Halkias?

  Is it Michael?

• 3:29Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 3:29Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe. I guessed one time and he's like, you're a good friend. You know my middle name.

• 3:33Speaker 04

  You forgot?

• 3:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. And I was like, oh, yeah. Anyways.

• 3:37Speaker 04

  I love it.

• 3:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's it. Go look at all that stuff, Bobby.

• 3:41Speaker 04

  Look at it.

• 3:43Stavros Halkias?

  Watch it, engage in it. It's very funny.

• 3:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, he is a very, I was in one of his films, Fourth of July.

• 3:48Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 3:48Speaker 03

  Very good filmmaker.

• 3:49Stavros Halkias?

  You were very good at that. You were both great in that.

• 3:51Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  Um, yeah, go to PunchUp.live/RobertKelly, all my dates, my special is up there live from the Village Underground, and go to my YouTube page, youtube.com/AtRobertKellyComedy. My other special, Killbox, is up there, and a bunch of my comedy stuff. And, uh, and of course, check out The Regs. I'm on the bonfire. I have another thing, Bone to Pick with Paul Verzi. I would love to have both of you guys on that someday. Very fun, easy.

• 4:17Stavros Halkias?

  I'm in.

• 4:17Speaker 03

  Podcast. Uh, and then, uh, of course, YKWD, the original.

• 4:21Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 4:22Speaker 03

  I mean, the one that started all these fucking things.

• 4:23Stavros Halkias?

  It is hilarious that literally all of us.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  Just did what I did, except way better.

• 4:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  And made way more money. And I still have you on as guest, and it does nothing for a bump. I mean, they don't even bump it. Anyways, and I have, I have, uh, I have, I'm gonna be making an announcement pretty soon. I have, uh, I filmed last year, I brought, uh, three comics up into the woods of Canada. And a lot of shit went wrong and a lot of stuff, but we're gonna, I think we're gonna have something to show people and it's gonna be, uh, very, very interesting.

• 4:59Stavros Halkias?

  Bob Grills, your, your bare grill shit in the wilderness?

• 5:02Speaker 03

  Apparently I'm not.

• 5:03Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  With what happened up there. And it's gonna be, it's, but, uh, yeah, comedy, comedy camp, uh, hopefully we'll see the light of day this year at some point.

• 5:13Stavros Halkias?

  Hell yeah, dude.

• 5:14Speaker 03

  Oh, Colin Quinn has, uh, wanted me to tell you, uh, get out of the city.

• 5:18Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah?

• 5:19Speaker 03

  They want you back in Greigville with a bunch of fat people in Queens. You're not supposed to be here.

• 5:23Stavros Halkias?

  I know, I really have fucked up the, the natural order of things.

• 5:27Speaker 04

  So do you have the place in Queens still?

• 5:29Stavros Halkias?

  Right now, we have the place in Queens. My buddy is renting it, most of it, but we kept the, uh, back room as a studio for now.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  Do you have the other place in, uh, Baltimore too?

• 5:38Stavros Halkias?

  I have a spot in Baltimore, yeah.

• 5:40Speaker 03

  Right, how many spots you got?

• 5:41Stavros Halkias?

  Those are it. And then my fucking dad lives in a house. So I, I, I'm the only person who loses money on real estate in, you know, but that's, I couldn't be a landlord, it's unethical. What do you guys think of that?

• 5:54Speaker 03

  What?

• 5:56Speaker 04

  Now I'm reverse trolling you?

• 5:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. No, I said it before.

• 6:00Speaker 04

  This, this, this is gonna be a grocery store in a few months.

• 6:05Stavros Halkias?

  Well, by now, our, uh, our, our mayor has taken power, I welcome Sharia law.

• 6:10Speaker 04

  He won't be in power, they would've had the election.

• 6:11Speaker 03

  I wanna say.

• 6:12Stavros Halkias?

  You're right, he's won by now, hopefully, not going to lose.

• 6:15Speaker 03

  I'm not really against Sharia law.

• 6:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah?

• 6:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's where you can tell your wife to shut her face, right?

• 6:19Stavros Halkias?

  Sharia law's a, isn't she a backup singer, Sharia law? She sang with the Stones on the 72 tour.

• 6:26Speaker 04

  She's the one who did the.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  Ray murder.

• 6:30Stavros Halkias?

  That was her.

• 6:30Speaker 03

  I would love to have a wife stick.

• 6:34Stavros Halkias?

  See, there's some common ground, Robert.

• 6:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, bring that Maldani body in. What's his name?

• 6:41Stavros Halkias?

  Zorron Maldani.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's a good name.

• 6:43Stavros Halkias?

  It's a great, first of all, that is a good name.

• 6:45Speaker 03

  Zorron?

• 6:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's cool.

• 6:46Speaker 03

  That sounds like the evil guy in a Marvel movie.

• 6:48Stavros Halkias?

  No, he's the guy who, he's the guy who made Tom Hanks big.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  That is Zoltan.

• 6:53Stavros Halkias?

  Close enough, you know?

• 6:54Speaker 03

  No, it isn't.

• 6:54Speaker 04

  Tan or tan?

• 6:55Stavros Halkias?

  Zorron, Zoltan.

• 6:56Speaker 04

  You don't know nothing about this like I can have a hard on the whole podcast. Can't tell. Are those your real feet?

• 7:02Speaker 03

  I know. Are you in the next Lord of the Rings?

• 7:07Speaker 04

  Are those joke shop feet?

• 7:10Speaker 03

  I'm gonna fuck it.

• 7:12Stavros Halkias?

  I do have some Fred Flintstone style feet.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  Wow, man.

• 7:15Stavros Halkias?

  Do you have slender feet, Bob? Did getting fat didn't, it didn't flatten your shit out?

• 7:18Speaker 03

  It's funny, I have a theory that people don't get fat in their feet.

• 7:22Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think they, the feet get fat, but so much structural.

• 7:26Speaker 03

  Damage?

• 7:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it gets done where they flatten out.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  My foot is as flat as it could get.

• 7:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, carrying around fucking nineteen babies.

• 7:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:33Speaker 03

  For eight years, flattened my feet, yeah.

• 7:35Stavros Halkias?

  I bet naturally you had slender feet. You had very feminine features as a, as a young man.

• 7:40Speaker 03

  I did, I did, I agree. I still, certain parts of me are still feminine.

• 7:47Speaker 04

  Slender feet sounds like a Native American. Oh, slender feet.

• 7:52Speaker 03

  Joe, Joe!

• 7:53Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, alright.

• 7:54Speaker 03

  What? Joe!

• 7:55Stavros Halkias?

  How is that offensive?

• 8:00Stavros Halkias?

  It's Thanksgiving, we should be talking about the Indians.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it means something different to him.

• 8:05Stavros Halkias?

  We should be talking about the savages. I mean, Native Americans.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 8:09Stavros Halkias?

  The noble savages. I'm also wrong, but I'm just, I'm doing like MSNBC liberal shit where it's still racist.

• 8:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, we're here on beautiful Thanksgiving with my friends here. What are we cooking this year, folks?

• 8:25Speaker 03

  Well, first of all, I don't cook.

• 8:27Stavros Halkias?

  You've never cooked? You don't have a specialty?

• 8:30Speaker 03

  No.

• 8:30Stavros Halkias?

  The steak tips? You grill, you don't grill.

• 8:33Speaker 03

  I grill.

• 8:33Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  Summertime, Bob's on the clock.

• 8:35Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  You know what I'm saying? Five, five, four, four, three, three, two, two.

• 8:39Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 8:39Speaker 03

  One, one. That's how you cook a perfect fucking steak.

• 8:46Stavros Halkias?

  I thought that was the contract code. Remember, up, up, left, right? Unlimited bullets.

• 8:51Speaker 03

  No, Dawn won't let me cook at all. I do do the dishes.

• 8:54Stavros Halkias?

  Do do.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  I do the dishes on Thanksgiving.

• 8:56Stavros Halkias?

  That's good. That's very progressive of you.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Come on, get in, Mondani. I don't want to do these dishes.

• 9:05Stavros Halkias?

  Hold on, he's gonna make it illegal for you, for men to do dishes? That is awesome to be so racist. You're like, yeah, alright, he's Muslim, it's all, it's all good. We'll at least get to abuse our women.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  No, I don't cook at all. She cooks everything. She has third generation stuffing.

• 9:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  She knows how to cook. She loves cooking Thanksgiving dinner.

• 9:24Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  But, you know, so I just, I just sit around and I, I just snack and...

• 9:29Stavros Halkias?

  I love that.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  Have my friends over and then I do the dishes.

• 9:33Stavros Halkias?

  We had a very intimate Thanksgiving. It was me, you, me, your family, and literally just Jim Norton.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:40Stavros Halkias?

  It was us, it was just us.

• 9:43Stavros Halkias?

  And it was fun.

• 9:44Speaker 03

  Every Thanksgiving for around 20 years, I invite comics who don't have anywhere to go.

• 9:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  They come to my house.

• 9:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:52Speaker 03

  And, yeah, I've had Louis over.

• 9:55Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, nice.

• 9:55Speaker 03

  Welcome to Manhattan. That's him making a grocery store right now in your front lobby.

• 10:00Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, we got bread. It's gotta be 50 cents a loaf and it comes out of your wallet.

• 10:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, get in line.

• 10:08Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking guy, sticks. Do you really not, I mean, we shouldn't get into this on the podcast.

• 10:13Speaker 03

  No. Come on, get into it. Tell us how much you love this frigging guy.

• 10:17Stavros Halkias?

  He is good.

• 10:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's good.

• 10:19Stavros Halkias?

  This is exactly what we need in New York City.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly, exactly what we need.

• 10:23Stavros Halkias?

  100%, we need to stop sucking off these big businesses. They're not going anywhere. They need to pay their fair share and we need to reinvest in public works.

• 10:30Speaker 03

  And then next time this podcast, next Thanksgiving, this will be in Austin.

• 10:34Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, I promise you it won't be in Austin.

• 10:37Speaker 03

  I hope you wind up there.

• 10:38Stavros Halkias?

  If I'm going to a Flor- if I'm going to a tax haven, it will be Florida.

• 10:41Speaker 03

  Florida's the best.

• 10:42Stavros Halkias?

  I just came from Florida.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  How'd you, have a good time?

• 10:45Stavros Halkias?

  Lovely time. You went on a nice, this cruise you said went, sounds awesome. I don't even want to talk about it because I don't want other people, I don't want to get out there. Oh, you don't want to spoil it? I don't want people coming.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  What, you're saying that people don't know about cruises?

• 10:56Stavros Halkias?

  Well, this is a specific cruise.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  What, a gay cruise?

• 10:59Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 11:02Stavros Halkias?

  If you want a nice low-key time, go to a gay cruise.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  Let me tell you something, what a fucking cruise that would be.

• 11:08Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, there'd be a lot of sucking and fucking.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  Yes, to be gay, going on a cruise with all gay dudes.

• 11:13Stavros Halkias?

  They have that.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  Every door is open.

• 11:16Speaker 04

  There's no way they don't have a gay cruise.

• 11:18Stavros Halkias?

  Of course they do. Bob just wants to be gay. Bob is a bisexual pretending he's a conservative now, and this wants to come out.

• 11:26Speaker 03

  Can't be conservative bisexual?

• 11:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's fucked up.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  That's fucked up.

• 11:29Speaker 04

  There's plenty of gay.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  That's fucked up.

• 11:30Speaker 04

  Gay conservatives.

• 11:32Stavros Halkias?

  Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  Donald Trump.

• 11:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Donald Trump, so homo.

• 11:38Speaker 03

  How great would it be if Donald Trump was into ass play?

• 11:40Speaker 04

  I think he probably, he could probably dabble.

• 11:43Speaker 03

  Could you imagine? Look at his face, and then look at his ass.

• 11:46Speaker 04

  The hole would be loose. If his neck is any indication, this thing doesn't have a lot of elastic left to it.

• 11:51Speaker 03

  How terrible was that? He was made Time Magazine? And they, because we all know this.

• 11:56Stavros Halkias?

  They gave him the neck pussy angle? It was fucking brutal, dude.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  As people have had photos taken, the club, can we take photos? They always take the, and as a fat guy, you look down, the guy's just looking up at you, and that's the one we're gonna use next time. They took the worst photo, but if you look at the photo, on top of his head,

• 12:15Speaker 03

  it looks like devil horns.

• 12:16Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I didn't see that.

• 12:17Speaker 03

  They put the M on top of his head, so it looks like he has devil horns, and it's just, he looks like Satan, if you're looking at it the right way.

• 12:24Stavros Halkias?

  It's pretty, yeah, he looks like an old woman in that picture.

• 12:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, don't we all?

• 12:27Stavros Halkias?

  Pull it up. You don't have the TV anymore.

• 12:29Speaker 04

  No, we don't have.

• 12:30Speaker 03

  You got that though, you got that fucking construction out front.

• 12:33Stavros Halkias?

  That is true. Hopefully, I'm sure Eldis' wizardry will be able to hide it.

• 12:37Speaker 04

  You gotta love Trump though, this is now months ago now, when I tell you to see this, but I love when they're like, you think this will get you into heaven? He's like, oh, I'm not getting into heaven, I'll tell you that.

• 12:44Stavros Halkias?

  That was awesome.

• 12:46Speaker 04

  He's like, I'm going to fucking hell, dude, it's over. I'm a pedophile. It was like a beautiful, honest moment, where he's like, no way, I fucked a lot of pigs.

• 12:56Stavros Halkias?

  Didn't call him back.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  Only second to when he called Rosie O'Donnell. I just said about Rosie O'Donnell, one of the funniest moments on TV.

• 13:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I know.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  That was funny.

• 13:05Stavros Halkias?

  I lamented as a, as a childhood Rosie O'Donnell fan. It's gotta be tough to be Rosie. In no way did you think Donald Trump would become the most powerful man alive.

• 13:14Speaker 03

  Right.

• 13:14Stavros Halkias?

  Like, the guy you have celebrity beef with, that should have been for like, you know, Access, like, the third segment on Access Hollywood. Mario Lopez should be talking about it.

• 13:24Speaker 03

  Right.

• 13:24Stavros Halkias?

  But it's actually CNN is talking about you being a fat pig. It fucking sucks, dude. It'd be like if Mondani became mayor for me.

• 13:34Stavros Halkias?

  It would just be a nightmare. I'd be like, ah, fuck. Are you a Curtis Silva guy? Who's that? The guy with the fucking beret?

• 13:40Speaker 03

  Can I tell you? I tell you, I'm on the subway, I'm just chilling out. All of a sudden, a guy's standing in front of me and he puts his hand out. It was him.

• 13:49Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  And he's like, hey, how are you? And he, I'm Curtis, how you doing? Nice to meet you, I'm running for mayor. He hands me a card and I was like, hey, man, nice to meet you too. I just can't, I just wanted to be like, dude, you lose that beret?

• 14:01Stavros Halkias?

  Lose the beret.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  Lose that beret, I'm fucking in.

• 14:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  Or give us all berets.

• 14:07Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I do like that guy. Not bad. Yeah, all berets is good. Now you are getting communist. I mean, that's, that's, that's the Red Army's uniform, basically. All berets with a little star on them. But he's like, what, guardian angels guys? Those guys in the seventies that would like patrol the subways or whatever?

• 14:21Speaker 03

  You mean the good guys that did this out of the goodness of their heart to protect people, the citizens of New York?

• 14:26Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 14:26Speaker 03

  And went around with silk jackets and berets? And didn't know a lick of Kung Fu? Had no weapons?

• 14:33Stavros Halkias?

  I wonder how many of those guys got fucked up? And the, the warrior, you know, that's kind of, I guess, warriors era in New York seventies, when it looked fucking scary.

• 14:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:41Stavros Halkias?

  But it was probably pretty cool. You think it's coming back?

• 14:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:46Stavros Halkias?

  Well, this guy wants the police off the subway. He hates the police. Yeah, so, so nobody's gonna be watching fucking Candy Crush on the subway anymore. Those motherfuckers don't do shit.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  So here's the thing. We're, we're gonna, we're gonna be the comic gangs, walking around with microphones with little, a little six foot cord and we whipping them around?

• 15:02Stavros Halkias?

  Here come the hacks.

• 15:07Speaker 04

  They got stools on them.

• 15:12Speaker 04

  I love that. I would love that. Yeah, look, listen, I'm excited. Hopefully, uh, people flee. I get a nice deal on an apartment. That's what I'm looking for. Oh, they're gonna flee. Where are they gonna go, Joe? Are you leaving? They're Long Island, Florida, all those places. Yeah, they're gonna flee. But I mean, I'm talking about the really rich people. They'll flee. I don't think they will. Of course they will. New York has too much to offer. You have to call rich people's bluff. They're not moving, they're not leaving America. They're not leaving New York. They never do. But they left in COVID. They go to Long Island. They still, whatever, their businesses, everything, everything has to be here. They're fucking bluffing. They're not gonna go anywhere. Maybe you're right. The tax, the tax, that, that's what rich people always say. They're like, no, we'll just go. Boring.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Let's talk about chicks.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  I mean, tell them it's California. Look at it. They all, they all left. Yeah, cuz California does not have what New York City has.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  We're dressed like fucking pies and turkeys. Can you shut the fuck up? What are we doing? What are we doing?

• 16:08Speaker 04

  All right, all right, all right, all right. Let's talk about. Turkey! Anyway, I went on the Turner Classic Movies cruise. It was fucking awesome. It was awesome.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  Oh, you went on that fucking, that nerd ship?

• 16:19Speaker 04

  It wasn't nerd. It's old people. It's the oldest people ever. We brought the median age down by 40 years. I mean, people were fucking elder. I told Stavros off camera. Right. Sarah and I were just taking turns on the water slide. They have a water slide that's like, you sit there like this and it goes doo, doo. The floor drops out. It was just us. We were taking turns cuz everyone there, their hips would explode into pieces. Yeah, dude. And there was no kids. My, my son was the only one. He hated it.

• 16:43Speaker 03

  There was also no tea and toast.

• 16:46Speaker 04

  It was fucking great. I put on 45 pounds. I watched seven movies in three days. What's the diet looking like on the, how do you, what's the, what are they feeding you on the cruise? Well, first of all, it's a Disney cruise. Like Turner Classic Movies just borrows the Disney cruise ship. So it's the Disney magic. And then they try to do a thing where they set you up with a waiter that you have for the week. Oh, wow. And then you go to like a nice restaurant, but I fucking hated the guy. He was, he was Serbian. I'm just painting a picture. I didn't hate him cuz he's Serbian.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  What does that mean?

• 17:14Speaker 04

  I'm painting a fucking photo. Bob doesn't get racism towards whites. He doesn't understand it. I'm not racist towards Serbians.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  I gotta take this off. This is killing me. I'm getting fucking hot. We're back into politics. Serbians, go. Fucking turkey assholes.

• 17:28Speaker 04

  I'm just saying, he was Serbian.

• 17:33Speaker 04

  I'm a dead man guy and a soon to be fat guy and I used to be fat guy. Let's fucking talk Turkey.

• 17:38Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I don't know about used to. I used to be fatter.

• 17:41Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 17:42Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that's, wow, we're having a nice time.

• 17:44Speaker 04

  That was. Oh, now I'm the asshole.

• 17:46Stavros Halkias?

  We're having a nice time.

• 17:47Speaker 04

  You're pointing out the truth.

• 17:48Speaker 03

  Ever since you went to festivals.

• 17:49Stavros Halkias?

  Let's look at that fucking tag. What's it, how many X's are on the end of that tag?

• 17:53Speaker 03

  It's a one X.

• 17:53Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 17:54Speaker 03

  It used to be a three X. Okay, don't do fat on fat cry.

• 17:58Stavros Halkias?

  You did it earlier.

• 17:59Speaker 03

  I did.

• 17:59Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I was meal prepping and you told me stop.

• 18:02Speaker 03

  Because this is why, cause I, I, we've, we've done this podcast a bunch of times and every time we do it, you're on some fucking trying mode.

• 18:09Speaker 04

  Oh, and who the fuck would understand that more than you, you fucking asshole?

• 18:12Speaker 03

  I just wanna come here.

• 18:13Speaker 04

  How many fats are you on? Fourteen?

• 18:15Speaker 03

  Can you do this when you're not trying? Can we, can we come on the show when you fucking quit?

• 18:20Speaker 04

  No.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  So we can have pizza and dumplings?

• 18:22Speaker 04

  Where's the other cookie you bought?

• 18:23Speaker 03

  It's downstairs, you piece of shit.

• 18:26Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, this can go retrieve it. I don't have a Serbian servant. I have an Albanian servant.

• 18:32Speaker 04

  Anyways, he was a waiter and the Serbian was just cause I like to paint a picture. It's not like he was like, I'll, I'll shoot you.

• 18:38Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 18:38Speaker 04

  Or whatever. What happened there? They had a civil war?

• 18:40Stavros Halkias?

  They had a civil war.

• 18:41Speaker 04

  Bosnia?

• 18:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yugoslavia went to pieces, so they all kinda split up.

• 18:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, Bosnia, Croatia.

• 18:47Stavros Halkias?

  Herzegovina, Croatia.

• 18:48Speaker 03

  I love Yugoslavia.

• 18:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah?

• 18:50Speaker 03

  Isn't that a dish? Is that a dish?

• 18:54Stavros Halkias?

  So he's, and you hated this guy. You hated this Serbian.

• 18:57Speaker 04

  Well, he was one of these guys, he was doing the, and I think they're paid to do, or they're asked to do this, whatever, but he would like, he'd be like, alright, so you gotta get an appetizer. And we're like, well, we don't want an appetizer. He's like, come on, you gotta get an appetizer, you gotta get the calamari.

• 19:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, he's selling you the calamari.

• 19:12Speaker 04

  And it's all paid for already.

• 19:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting.

• 19:14Speaker 04

  It's like inclusive, so that's what I didn't get.

• 19:16Stavros Halkias?

  His tip doesn't go up or anything?

• 19:17Speaker 04

  Yes, and then he was, he was doing magic tricks for my son, which was fa- whoa!

• 19:22Speaker 03

  Why is that? This all sounds amazing. This sounds like the best waiter ever and you hate him cause he's Serbian.

• 19:28Speaker 04

  No. I didn't like the way he served us.

• 19:31Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 19:32Stavros Halkias?

  Very nice.

• 19:33Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 19:33Speaker 03

  I'll tell you, I've been on a bunch of.

• 19:35Stavros Halkias?

  Tell this comedy.

• 19:35Speaker 03

  I've been on a bunch of cruises.

• 19:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, cruise guy.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  They have different, different groups of people that work. And it's a, you know, whether it's, it's Filipinos, it might be Asians, it might be Indian.

• 19:48Stavros Halkias?

  Filipino is Asia.

• 19:50Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 19:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, but there's.

• 19:51Stavros Halkias?

  Indian is as well, actually.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  There's Spanish Asian, Asians, like, you know, oh.

• 19:58Speaker 03

  Thank you, Joe.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  Meatball is.

• 19:59Speaker 03

  No! What happened to you?

• 20:01Stavros Halkias?

  Bleep all these noises.

• 20:04Speaker 03

  Oh shit.

• 20:05Stavros Halkias?

  That's all I got.

• 20:06Speaker 03

  That's all he's got is that voice.

• 20:08Stavros Halkias?

  If you take that away, what am I?

• 20:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, why don't you have Dan Soder on if you want real voices?

• 20:13Stavros Halkias?

  I'm like, bleep out all the Macho Man stuff.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  But the.

• 20:17Stavros Halkias?

  You know beep.

• 20:18Speaker 03

  The Filipinos.

• 20:20Stavros Halkias?

  That one can stay.

• 20:21Speaker 03

  Filipinos.

• 20:22Stavros Halkias?

  I'll call your bluff list.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  The list gets cancelled.

• 20:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we fucking Photoshop one of those triangle hats on him.

• 20:31Speaker 03

  Be funny.

• 20:31Stavros Halkias?

  Why are you saying Filipino?

• 20:33Speaker 03

  The Filipinos are the best.

• 20:35Stavros Halkias?

  I do like Filipinos.

• 20:36Speaker 03

  Filipino people are so fucking nice and gentle. The men are very cute.

• 20:43Stavros Halkias?

  The men are cute. They're like teddy bears.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  You ever seen Joe Coy?

• 20:48Stavros Halkias?

  I have seen Joe Coy.

• 20:49Speaker 03

  He's adorable.

• 20:50Stavros Halkias?

  I like them a little fatter than Joe Coy, though. They're very cute fat guys.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, hairless bodies, too.

• 20:55Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 20:56Speaker 03

  This is getting weird.

• 20:57Stavros Halkias?

  Have you ever explored the body of a Filipino man, Robert?

• 21:00Speaker 03

  One time.

• 21:01Stavros Halkias?

  One time?

• 21:02Speaker 03

  He was making, he was making an elephant out of my towel and I walked in abruptly.

• 21:10Stavros Halkias?

  Did you ever do any sex tourism in the Philippines?

• 21:13Speaker 03

  Uh, no, I was in the Philippines.

• 21:14Stavros Halkias?

  You were more of a South American guy.

• 21:16Speaker 03

  I've done sex tourism. That's such a great way. I wish I could have said that to Dawn.

• 21:22Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know that that's the good term for it.

• 21:24Speaker 03

  I've done sex tourism. Amsterdam.

• 21:26Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. Whatever. I went to Amsterdam and I, I was like, on purpose, I didn't stay at the red light, near the red light district. I was like, I don't want, you know, let me just stay away from this.

• 21:37Speaker 03

  It's like you staying at a chocolate factory.

• 21:38Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, exactly. But I didn't know this, that they have, at random neighborhoods will have little red light districts.

• 21:44Speaker 03

  They have local, they're called local.

• 21:46Stavros Halkias?

  They're like, they're like, blue collar.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, local red light district. Me and Keith went there by accident.

• 21:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:51Speaker 03

  Cause it's definitely, it's not the.

• 21:53Stavros Halkias?

  The talent, yes.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  It's not the talent.

• 21:54Stavros Halkias?

  It's a feeder system for sure. It's like playing Newark instead of, you know, Radio City.

• 22:00Speaker 03

  The salmon that are going back up river to spawn.

• 22:05Stavros Halkias?

  But I got, so I was like, well, this place is right here, you know, I didn't try to, but it, you know, I just came upon it.

• 22:12Speaker 03

  That's God.

• 22:13Stavros Halkias?

  That's God forcing my hand. And so, you know, I walk by, appraise the different workers and I'm like, make up my mind who I'm gonna go to.

• 22:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:23Stavros Halkias?

  And then I turn the, and so I turn the corner, I'm like, alright, time to buy a little pussy and I, I, I mean, I'm like whistling, I'm so fucking pumped. And then just literally, guy's like, stoppy? He was a fucking podcast fan, who was just there on vacation. I was like, I can't, this has ruined everything now.

• 22:41Speaker 03

  He has a different view of you?

• 22:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, right, he's shocked, he's like, I can't believe it.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  You don't think he, when he left, he went, and he didn't go in?

• 22:50Stavros Halkias?

  You're right.

• 22:52Speaker 03

  What the fuck is wrong with him? He's, he's not who I thought he was.

• 22:55Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny. I'm like, I don't wanna shatter the illusion of my public persona. That's like, I was talking to a friend about getting prescribed like the fucking fat guy medicine. And I was like, yeah, man, I had to go to a doctor, you know, I got one of these doctors that'll prescribe you anything, as if any doctor wouldn't have prescribed me. Like, I got a guy who would just give you pills, whatever, but he was like, you could've gone to a real doctor, you're one of the fattest guys I fucking know. I'm not, you're not getting rejected for fucking Zepbound or whatever, but.

• 23:24Speaker 03

  So how is it? Is it working?

• 23:26Stavros Halkias?

  It worked for.

• 23:29Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 23:30Stavros Halkias?

  Zoom in on that face, Eldis.

• 23:33Stavros Halkias?

  You look good. Thank you, thank you. I look slightly better. It worked for a while and then, I think I need to go up in dose.

• 23:40Speaker 03

  What, what dose are you taking?

• 23:41Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, point five.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, you need to do 10.

• 23:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the, the initial's 2.5, then you do point 5, then point 7.5. I need to get up there a little bit.

• 23:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta get up there. Go to 10.

• 23:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you didn't do it, you just missed it. You had to, yeah, you had to go old fashioned.

• 23:56Speaker 03

  I got this stomach surgery and then they were like, oh, we got this new thing.

• 23:59Stavros Halkias?

  We have a miracle drug.

• 24:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's changed everyone's life. Literally Fat Joe is skinny now.

• 24:07Speaker 03

  Big Jay is skinny.

• 24:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's how I feel with dating apps. I got a serious girlfriend right before it really became like swipe, the swipe. I never got to swipe.

• 24:17Speaker 03

  I would not want to swipe. I'm so glad I didn't have to swipe.

• 24:20Stavros Halkias?

  No, that would have been a fucking nightmare for you. You're a sex addict.

• 24:22Speaker 03

  I'm all right. Well, I mean, at least on.

• 24:25Stavros Halkias?

  It's Thanksgiving. I'm just a regular. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was, was.

• 24:31Speaker 03

  Oh, that would have been ridiculous for me.

• 24:32Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I mean, you were, the stories you tell me, we were on the, you know, not to, you know, it's Thanksgiving, we're all sharing. You would like, just, you would find, on the yellow pages, you would find some, a masseuse that seemed like a secret whore. And on a hunch, you would drive to a woman's house. And I remember one time you were telling me, it was just this old woman and you were like 22 or whatever.

• 24:55Speaker 03

  She was 48.

• 24:56Stavros Halkias?

  She was 48.

• 24:56Speaker 03

  Now being 50 is not that old.

• 24:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But at the time, you were young and she looks at you like, clearly her clientele was like, old guys would come by and fuck her. You tell, you tell the story.

• 25:07Speaker 03

  No, she was, well, I showed up and she, she looked like, you know, substitute teacher.

• 25:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 25:13Speaker 03

  She was a, she was kind of a little heavy.

• 25:15Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  And she sat me down, put me in a robe. She went, oh, she told me, please tell me your problem right now. What is bothering you? And I told her some fears I had. And then she gave me a hour and a half massage. And at the end, she had homemade oil that she made that was in a Tupperware thing that was a solid. She put it into the microwave and made it into a liquid.

• 25:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's hot.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  So it might have been gravy.

• 25:46Stavros Halkias?

  She basted you.

• 25:49Speaker 03

  She, she proceeded to give me a handjob.

• 25:52Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 25:53Speaker 03

  And at one point, she saw me looking at her boobs, so she just took one of her rather large boobs out.

• 25:58Stavros Halkias?

  That's pretty nice.

• 25:59Speaker 03

  And I just held it. And then she showered me.

• 26:02Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, gone for the turkey suit, I'll say that. Fucking chubbed up right now.

• 26:07Speaker 03

  Then she took me to, and she took, talked to me again and gave me a, she had all these stones. And she gave me, I'm going to give you this stone because this stone represents fear. And if you carry that with you, it will help you.

• 26:19Stavros Halkias?

  After you busted, she's talking to you about this?

• 26:21Speaker 03

  After I busted, it was a two hour session.

• 26:23Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  And I had this, this green stone that took away my fears.

• 26:28Stavros Halkias?

  Did it work?

• 26:29Speaker 03

  No, not at all.

• 26:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's fucking hilarious.

• 26:33Speaker 03

  I actually went back there so much, I had like a, the infinity gauntlet.

• 26:39Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking the Thanos of hand jobs for middle aged women.

• 26:43Speaker 03

  I had to keep coming up, anxiety is my thing now.

• 26:51Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't even realize it was that involved. I didn't realize there was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 03

  But it was really magical. But then, I remember she, I couldn't get in touch with her, she might have moved, whatever. So I tried to get another older lady, because I thought, young girls always had an attitude.

• 27:06Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  Like you've got, you know, but the older ladies, they were kind of-

• 27:09Stavros Halkias?

  Real pros, seasoned pros, veterans.

• 27:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, they were a little more grateful. You know what I mean? A little more grateful.

• 27:13Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you also, when you were in the throes of this addiction, were a very good looking man.

• 27:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was, that's how you tell it was an addiction. I could have got a girl.

• 27:23Stavros Halkias?

  You were sexy.

• 27:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was sexy and I was going with middle aged women.

• 27:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 27:27Speaker 03

  Telling them my problems so they could jerk me off.

• 27:30Stavros Halkias?

  This must have frustrated me, is now I'm super sexy.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Right.

• 27:33Stavros Halkias?

  But married.

• 27:35Speaker 03

  Where's my camera?

• 27:36Stavros Halkias?

  I used to be like a nerd with glasses and like skinny and fucking, but now I'm like a fucking, you know what I mean?

• 27:43Stavros Halkias?

  Right, no, we know, Joe.

• 27:44Stavros Halkias?

  Now I can clean up, but I'm all, I'm taken. Fuck, maybe you should kill your wife. Make it look like an accident.

• 27:53Stavros Halkias?

  We can cut this. She's getting up there in age.

• 27:56Speaker 03

  Just wait, just wait, Mondani's gonna come in, you just tell her to beat it and get another one. You get four wives.

• 28:01Stavros Halkias?

  Good point.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  How many wives do you get? Seventy? How many wives do you get?

• 28:04Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's for something else.

• 28:07Stavros Halkias?

  That's for the, the, the elite tier.

• 28:13Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta take some fucking flying lessons to get those.

• 28:16Stavros Halkias?

  This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't in your phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stobby Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network, brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable. It's so sick. They sponsor the Stop His World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh, my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month, or get the Premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STAFF.

• 29:01Stavros Halkias?

  Terms apply.

• 29:02Speaker 06

  Ever notice how every new AI tool asks you to explain your business to it all over again? Google Workspace with Gemini skips that. You get Google's AI built right into the premium versions of Gmail, Docs, Sheets, and more. No new tools, no extra logins. Just one subscription that gives you personalized AI right inside your actual workflow. Make work less work. Try Google Workspace with Gemini at G O O dot G L E slash Workspace with Gemini.

• 29:32Speaker 04

  Elvis went and stopped the construction.

• 29:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, thank you, Elvis. You fucking talked to them.

• 29:36Speaker 04

  That's unbelievable.

• 29:37Stavros Halkias?

  He closed the window is what he did.

• 29:38Speaker 03

  You would be fucking frightened if a fucking big guy in a turkey outfit came out and told you to stop.

• 29:42Stavros Halkias?

  Did he go out with the wings and everything, with the costume on?

• 29:45Speaker 07

  I just closed the windows.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 29:47Speaker 07

  Did you just turn on the AC at least? Where is the AC control?

• 29:50Stavros Halkias?

  It's those little fucking, it's the little knobs in the thing.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  That's hilarious.

• 29:53Stavros Halkias?

  You open the thing.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  He's in a modern apartment. He's looking for a radiator.

• 30:00Speaker 04

  I literally thought you went out in the turkey costume and was like, hey, you guys gotta knock it off.

• 30:03Stavros Halkias?

  Shut the fuck up. Robert Kelly started by getting jerked off up there. My pals are in a turkey suit.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  I told you the time that I, I, so I went to look for a mature lady again, and I found a lady on, on the internet. And I went and she had to be, I think she probably around 78. And she opened her negligee, didn't fit anymore.

• 30:24Stavros Halkias?

  That's the one I'm thinking about, yes.

• 30:25Speaker 03

  That's the one, yeah. And she, she had arthritis in hands. Like, her hand was kind of like this.

• 30:31Stavros Halkias?

  They were like frozen into jerk off?

• 30:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, good for massage.

• 30:35Speaker 04

  Hooked up with Bob Dole.

• 30:36Stavros Halkias?

  Little claws.

• 30:38Speaker 03

  But we went up, she had an elevator. She lived right up the street from Whiskey Go-Go. And she had an elevator. Remember, we took the elevator up. She, she grabbed my hand but couldn't hold it. So I was just holding her knuckles.

• 30:49Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man.

• 30:49Speaker 03

  And I was, in my brain, I'm like, I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't do this. And then I got up, there was like a hundred cats.

• 30:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 30:55Speaker 03

  And they were just, they were all just like staring at me like this.

• 30:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my God. This is brutal.

• 31:00Speaker 03

  But then the worst part is at the end, she's like, okay, honey, roll over. I go, was there a prostate massage?

• 31:08Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  She goes.

• 31:09Stavros Halkias?

  You made this woman put her fucking arthritic fingers in your ass?

• 31:12Speaker 03

  She goes, "Do you want that?" I go, "I thought it was included." If it's not included, no, but if it's in the...

• 31:21Speaker 03

  She goes, "I just heard her trying to put a glove on."

• 31:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, God.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  It was a low point in my life.

• 31:33Stavros Halkias?

  Going from, "I should get out of here," to, "Well, I mean, I'm here, she's gonna finger my ass." It's fucking insane, Bob. Not just getting the standard handjob.

• 31:41Speaker 03

  The funniest part about this story, she's dead now.

• 31:45Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah. Long dead.

• 31:46Speaker 03

  From natural causes.

• 31:48Stavros Halkias?

  Probably been dead for a quarter century. Yeah, yeah, damn.

• 31:52Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 31:52Stavros Halkias?

  That's a tough one. There should be a retirement program for old sex workers. You shouldn't have to fucking finger.

• 32:00Speaker 03

  Why don't you get your buddy, Manani, to figure that out?

• 32:01Stavros Halkias?

  I think he actually would figure that out, yeah.

• 32:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:04Stavros Halkias?

  It'd be good, you know, do another service role.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  Well, the good thing about this guy, prostitution...

• 32:10Stavros Halkias?

  Or put him in nursing homes.

• 32:11Speaker 03

  Prostitution, he wants to make prostitution legal.

• 32:14Stavros Halkias?

  Now you're... Is that right?

• 32:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, so he's got...

• 32:17Stavros Halkias?

  He's got some good ideas.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  He's got a couple, he's got a couple shekels in his bag, is all I'm saying. Hitting your wife, having more wives, having prostitution legal.

• 32:25Stavros Halkias?

  Again, the first two, not on his official, not...

• 32:28Speaker 03

  Not yet, not yet.

• 32:30Stavros Halkias?

  He's gotta warm us up to it.

• 32:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, free bread, this is good.

• 32:34Stavros Halkias?

  I like free bread. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong... I like the grocery stores.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  Well, the free bus thing bugs me, because the people that are bitching about it, it's like, dude, you haven't taken a bus...

• 32:42Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 32:43Speaker 03

  ...since you moved here.

• 32:44Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  You're an Uber person.

• 32:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:46Speaker 03

  Then let the people have a free bus.

• 32:47Stavros Halkias?

  There we go, Bob. You return her, by the end of this, you're gonna get, we're gonna be going to, you know, prostitution's gonna be legal, we're gonna be riding the bus together. I'm, we're winning you over.

• 32:56Speaker 03

  You know what? You're winning me over.

• 32:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I like, I think in your heart, you do have these beliefs.

• 33:00Speaker 03

  What?

• 33:01Stavros Halkias?

  I think you're doing a little bit of like, "I'm a suburban dad, now I have to be conservative."

• 33:05Speaker 03

  I tell you what, I am, I, I would love to give to people. I, I, you can, you don't have to be either or. You can do all of it. You can have a little bit of everything.

• 33:15Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 33:15Speaker 03

  I don't mind people getting free shit.

• 33:17Stavros Halkias?

  There we go.

• 33:17Speaker 03

  Getting free shit.

• 33:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 33:20Stavros Halkias?

  There's a bite missing off of it.

• 33:21Speaker 03

  I just wanna, I don't wanna hear fucking prayer things five times a day. I don't have to fucking tiptoe around rugs to get to the L train to do this shitty podcast.

• 33:33Speaker 04

  You think there's gonna be sidewalk to sidewalk prayer rugs?

• 33:37Speaker 03

  I was, I'm telling you right now, I was somewhere in Massachusetts and I stopped to get gas. I came out, there was fucking 10 of them blocking the fucking, just praying. I'm like, ah, fuck me.

• 33:49Stavros Halkias?

  That's a story. I would have that all the time.

• 33:51Speaker 03

  That was in the middle of fuck, nowhere in Massachusetts.

• 33:53Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, interesting.

• 33:54Speaker 03

  It was just a lot of Arabs moved to that area and at 5 o'clock, holy shit, they just drop a rug down. Get into, ooh, I got it.

• 34:03Stavros Halkias?

  You got it?

• 34:04Speaker 03

  No.

• 34:04Stavros Halkias?

  That would have been fucking sick.

• 34:06Speaker 04

  It looked like you did.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  I touched it. I felt it. I touched its butthole.

• 34:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there it goes.

• 34:10Stavros Halkias?

  You were never a...

• 34:11Speaker 04

  Covered in cum.

• 34:12Stavros Halkias?

  You were never a sex tourist of any kind, were you, Joe?

• 34:16Speaker 04

  Uh, no, strip clubs. I love titty bars. Big titty bars. In fact, not Thanksgiving, but New Year's Eve, we were there. Me and Tom Dustin and my other buddy Dan Herschon, who hated it. He didn't want to go. And we got there, they opened at noon on New Year's Eve and we got there at like 11:55 and the door was unlocked. So we walked in. I probably told this story before. And so they were like, hey, you guys can come in. None of the girls here is in Everett or Revere, maybe whatever the, um, must have been the... It was, I don't know if it was the squire. No, it was the cab, the cabaret.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  Oh, the cabaret. Oh, geez.

• 34:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. There was the cab, there was the golden banana, the squire, which we called the squid.

• 34:49Speaker 03

  Dude, there was...

• 34:49Speaker 04

  And the King Arthur's.

• 34:50Speaker 03

  The King Arthur was one of the worst. It was in the middle of an oil field.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  Over in Everett. I mean, you literally, you know those big round?

• 34:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  You gotta go through there and you'd walk in and it'd just C-sections.

• 35:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:01Speaker 03

  And fucking like one tit bigger than the other, just a bite mark.

• 35:05Speaker 04

  And instead of a stage, there was like a pit. It was like...

• 35:07Speaker 03

  That was the cabaret was the second one.

• 35:09Speaker 04

  It was like a string. It was like a little string around the thing.

• 35:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:12Speaker 04

  But anyways, we were at the cab and we got there early and we went in and they were like, yeah, there's no girls here yet, but you guys are welcome. We ordered a drink and we sat down and I thought it'd be funny. We put our dollar bills on in front of us. And so the strippers came in with like coats and fur, fucking, and I yelled, ready? I went, ready when you are? And got a big laugh. It was great. But they literally walked to work with like Uggs and fucking jackets and we were sitting at the bar with our dollars like, ladies?

• 35:42Stavros Halkias?

  Happy New Year.

• 35:43Speaker 04

  And she probably thought like, alright, we'll go in, it's gonna be a slow shift.

• 35:47Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 35:47Speaker 04

  And then walked in, was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

• 35:50Speaker 03

  What was the place downtown, the little tiny shitty one?

• 35:52Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  What was that one?

• 35:54Speaker 04

  By like Chinatown.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, the Golden Eye or the Naked Eye was the big one, and then down the street was a, it was literally like a three seater.

• 36:03Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  And they, they would come, it was a little tiny stage and they would come down these, like five stairs.

• 36:09Speaker 04

  Maybe I never went to that one, but I remember the, the name. I love strip clubs. I was a big strip club guy. But we had a great time and we ended up befriending this lady. I hope I didn't tell this before. Her name was Bethany.

• 36:19Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think so, yeah.

• 36:20Speaker 04

  And her stripper name was Champagne, and we called her Body Glove Girl, cause she was like a bodybuilder lady and she had the Body Glove tattoo on like her hip.

• 36:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 36:28Speaker 04

  And she was kinda aging out. She was older and we loved her, cause she got us. Cause we weren't like, you weren't a boner and jerk off guy. We were like being silly geese. We were having a good time.

• 36:38Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I wanna hang out with my boys and if there's some tits in the, in the background, great.

• 36:42Speaker 04

  Hundred percent. And so she would come over and then she wouldn't even dance. She would just chat with us and everybody hated her, they hated us. And she ended up hanging out with us. She came to our house and everything. We, we loved her and it was fun. And there was another lady that would smack her ass so hard, like, like, and she had like a red bruisey hand mark.

• 37:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:02Speaker 04

  And we had, we had an intervention. We were like, no, I don't think anyone's really into that. It's no good. And she was like, her eyes were too far apart.

• 37:11Stavros Halkias?

  Ombudsman, you're like, you're like, this is, this is how this should go.

• 37:14Speaker 04

  I don't think you need to be doing that.

• 37:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:18Stavros Halkias?

  You didn't get that on mic, man? Come on, that's good stuff.

• 37:21Speaker 03

  That was loud enough, that was loud enough. If you get any good instruction, you heard that. You have a really, first of all, nice, tight butthole.

• 37:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, it squeaked, it did squeak out.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  If me and him did that, it would.

• 37:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, it would sound like a storm coming.

• 37:39Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking tumbleweed comes out of our ass.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  I used to go to strip clubs in Boston with Patrice after Knicks. And he was hilarious because he would heckle bitches.

• 37:50Speaker 03

  Yo, bring that funky titty over here. And then we would play closest to the pole. We wouldn't care about them. We'd just try to throw, we wrinkled all the bills up and throw them.

• 38:00Stavros Halkias?

  Get it close to the pole.

• 38:01Speaker 03

  See who get closest to the pole.

• 38:03Stavros Halkias?

  Whoever wins tries to take all the.

• 38:04Speaker 03

  There was one girl that used to come down. There was all these, at that little tiny place. It was, you know, B, C team, but then the fucking F team come out. This lady came down. She was so fucked up looking. And she came down with a limp down those five stairs and her, her whole dance was, she had Windex and paper towels. And she would clean the smudge marks off the pole and the, the mirror. Cause by the time she came out, it was just all ass smudging marks on it. And it was, it's just.

• 38:30Stavros Halkias?

  Pussy residue on the pole. You gotta wipe it down.

• 38:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:34Stavros Halkias?

  That would be, that's good. That's being a good coworker.

• 38:37Speaker 03

  I dated a stripper once.

• 38:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah? How'd it go?

• 38:39Speaker 03

  From the naked eye. Yeah, I dated, I dated a couple of strippers. Two of them I didn't know they were strippers. I used to go to Rhode Island to go to strip clubs because Boston strip clubs, Rhode Island you could touch.

• 38:51Stavros Halkias?

  Still the best. Rhode Island's still the fucking greatest. There's cheaters. It's called cheaters?

• 38:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:56Stavros Halkias?

  Cheaters. Oh, cheaters. They should call it cheaters. That's awesome.

• 39:00Speaker 04

  Well, it's a play on words, but that's not cheating. Not cheating.

• 39:05Speaker 03

  It's a form. Yeah.

• 39:07Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think it's a form. Unless you're getting your dick sucked by one of them.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  You know prostitution was legal in Rhode Island up until like 10 years ago.

• 39:13Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah, it was run by the mafia until like 10 years ago.

• 39:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:16Stavros Halkias?

  I think Providence still has some up.

• 39:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think so.

• 39:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:19Speaker 04

  So you can touch over an R I.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  In Rhode Island, you could touch. And I went down there one time and this girl came out and she, she did her whole thing.

• 39:29Stavros Halkias?

  Going across state lines because the strip club rules are too restrictive. It's fucking awesome.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  That's right. Not that far. It's not like Texas to Oklahoma. It's like a 40 minute ride. Don't act like we're assholes.

• 39:42Stavros Halkias?

  It's just hilarious. I respect it.

• 39:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, I need to get a fucking RV and get a bunch of guys. Wasn't a yearly thing.

• 39:49Speaker 04

  Yeah. We weren't fucking, yeah.

• 39:51Stavros Halkias?

  Stock up, fellas.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  Wasn't wooden wheels and horses involved.

• 39:58Stavros Halkias?

  So you could rub a fucking stripper's tits?

• 39:59Speaker 04

  Yeah. You hop in the car, you have a six pack on the way and you fucking. Well, I famously, I want to get back to that story. I signed my check over, I think I've told you, I've probably told this on a million stories, but podcast, but I did a gig at the Providence Comedy Connection and I was hosting, it was $25. And I went to the strip club and got a lap dance and literally endorsed the check over to the thing.

• 40:22Speaker 04

  I'm dead serious. I was like, there you go. That was all the money.

• 40:28Speaker 03

  Dude, I, the best strip club story I ever had was with Billy Burr, Big J and DeRosa. We went to.

• 40:36Speaker 04

  Wonderful crew.

• 40:36Speaker 03

  Troy, New York.

• 40:38Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah.

• 40:39Stavros Halkias?

  I know Troy.

• 40:40Speaker 03

  Troy, back in the day is a shithole. It's all right now. It was like Brooklyn. It was trying to be something, but it's still, so we're walking by after this college gig. And, uh, and there was a, just, it looked like a, like a subway front, like, you know, like a sub shop. But it was all blacked out and we heard music. We just opened the door. It was a fucking sneaky strip club.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  I love that. On instinct alone.

• 41:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:04Speaker 04

  You knew.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  So we opened it.

• 41:08Speaker 03

  We opened it up. There's only one guy. There's two chicks, one guy and the owner. And, uh, and we walked in. He said, come on. He literally, come in, blah, blah, blah. Sat us down, blah, blah. And then, uh, I'm sitting, I go, can you smoke? He goes, we went over to the front door, locked the door. He goes, you can now.

• 41:25Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah.

• 41:26Speaker 03

  We start smoking. We're having a great time. All of a sudden, he goes, ladies, ladies, let's get it together. They go up, they have a duffel bag. They go into this pit and they go, gentlemen, you're going to want to see this. We all surround the pit. You got to kind of look down into it and it's a bag full of dildos. So, so they're playing the music and they're going, but as they're doing it, the DJ is bringing the lights down. So, right when it starts to get like, you know, good, the lights, you want the, you want the lights back up, start tipping, fellas. So, we're just like, huh. He did it like five times. He just kept, a little bit softer now.

• 42:05Stavros Halkias?

  I would love if that was the song.

• 42:08Speaker 03

  Right, right at the end, we're all worked up. They go, alright, uh, two, uh, two, two dances for half off, blah, blah, blah. So, everybody goes upstairs. I stayed downstairs because I'm not really into fucking lap dances. Cause I'm such a pervert.

• 42:23Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. If you're in a room one by one, you're gonna be like, well, how much did you just get my dick from?

• 42:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, I can't do this, right? But, uh, all of a sudden, the girl comes there halfway through the fucking, the, the, the second song, the, the girl comes down all fucking pissy. The Rosa comes down behind her and they're fighting. And they're fucking fighting. And then, he, then he starts fighting with the guy. I walk over, they're fighting because, uh, it was, the, the first song was already halfway through. And then through the second song, and he's like, you said two. It's two free. That was a half, that's one and a half.

• 43:02Stavros Halkias?

  Classic strip club argument, by the way.

• 43:04Speaker 03

  It was, and the guy, then the guy tried, was trying to trigger him and he goes, sir, I'm sorry, but they don't grind on you. He goes, I never said grind. Why are you saying grind? He's like, they don't grind. Stop saying grind. I never said grind. So, DeRosa starts fucking flipping out. We all have to take off because this maniac.

• 43:22Stavros Halkias?

  Ruined the vibes of the illegal strip club.

• 43:24Speaker 03

  He just has to debate a stripper.

• 43:25Stavros Halkias?

  And it's also like, yeah, it's, okay, it's two for one. It's still, well, you know.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  We're all going back to jerk off in a hotel. That was the night when I went right back to my room. I jerked off on my face cloth and then I put it on their door handle and I knocked their door. And just Big Jay came out and just went like this, what's this?

• 43:45Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude.

• 43:46Speaker 03

  Classic, classic, classic eighties humor.

• 43:50Stavros Halkias?

  It really is. It's really eighties pranks.

• 43:53Speaker 04

  If I touched your cum with anything but my mouth, I would be fucking disgusted.

• 43:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, if it wasn't in on my, in my esophagus, I'd be pissed off. That, what was going on in Rhode Island though? We never finished the Rhode Island, you just would go.

• 44:06Speaker 03

  Oh, just, it sucked because the both times I went to Rhode Island, it was, I knew the girls. But I knew them before. I knew them not as strippers.

• 44:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:16Speaker 03

  So they both looked with their fucking coochies at me and they're like, Bobby? And they're like, you have to go.

• 44:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, cause you ruined it for them.

• 44:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, cause look, I can't do it. I'm like, oh fuck, we gotta get out of here.

• 44:25Stavros Halkias?

  That sucks.

• 44:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, it does suck. Do you know that one of the girls came to me later? We went to the same tanning salon.

• 44:32Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, awesome stuff. Being anti-socialist and being like, yeah, I was a man who tanned.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was smoking hot dude. I was smoking hot. And we used to go to tanning. She, she wanted me to strip with her.

• 44:46Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa, hell yeah.

• 44:47Speaker 03

  She goes, I would like for you to, uh, maybe we could do a strip, cause I have to do these shows, but sometimes, you know, they want girls and blah, blah, blah. And we could go to these, uh, bachelorette parties or I do the bachelor party, we can go. And you'd strip and I actually was like, nah, I can't do it. I don't have the peace.

• 45:03Stavros Halkias?

  It was penis related, right?

• 45:04Speaker 03

  I don't have the peace. I don't.

• 45:05Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I feel like you would have done it if your cock was nice enough.

• 45:08Speaker 03

  I don't have the hang.

• 45:09Stavros Halkias?

  You don't have the peace. You don't have the peace.

• 45:10Speaker 03

  I've never had.

• 45:11Stavros Halkias?

  Let's, let's not kid ourselves.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  Listen.

• 45:14Stavros Halkias?

  He doesn't have the dick to strip. You know that, Joe. I don't know that much about his penis.

• 45:18Speaker 04

  Have you never seen Bobby's dick?

• 45:19Speaker 03

  You've never seen my dick. Don't think. You weren't awake.

• 45:24Speaker 04

  Towel.

• 45:26Stavros Halkias?

  I've seen some towel imprints, but yes, maybe I've never seen it raw. Bobby's seen my dick. Right.

• 45:31Speaker 03

  I'll tell you what, I'm gonna be honest with you right now, cause we're friends.

• 45:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  I don't have the dick to strip.

• 45:35Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 45:36Speaker 03

  I, relax. Let me finish the sentence.

• 45:39Stavros Halkias?

  But the male strippers take their dicks out?

• 45:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:40Stavros Halkias?

  I thought they had the G-string and they just do. Yeah, but it's gotta flop. It's gotta flop.

• 45:45Speaker 03

  It's gotta bounce.

• 45:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I see, I see.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  It's gotta go to the music. My, unless, unless my music was yodeling.

• 45:55Speaker 04

  But my dick, I mean, you had that great old joke about it. My dick, I have different dicks. I got, there's a lot of, sometimes my dick is this big and sometimes it's quite long.

• 46:04Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 46:05Speaker 03

  My dick, no, I have a nice dick. I do have a nice dick.

• 46:07Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  And I've, I, I have a nice piece. It's around probably six and a half. What are you saying it like that?

• 46:14Speaker 04

  You mean out of ten?

• 46:19Speaker 04

  I'm like, okay, I can accept that. Six and a half inches.

• 46:22Speaker 03

  I have a six and a half inch dick.

• 46:23Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know about that, Bob.

• 46:24Speaker 04

  Hard?

• 46:25Speaker 03

  If you take my balls, tie rope around them, and pull it as hard as you can, and then let me lean into it, I have a six and a half inch dick. That's a fact.

• 46:35Stavros Halkias?

  You're leaning like it's fucking, like the Michael Jackson with a nail in his boot.

• 46:38Speaker 03

  If you mush down all my bush fat.

• 46:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 46:40Speaker 04

  But girls don't want a long dick. They want a thick cut. That's true.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  What? What is that? What is it? A thick dick?

• 46:46Speaker 04

  They want thick.

• 46:47Stavros Halkias?

  I believe that's true.

• 46:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's what I've heard from many, many women.

• 46:49Stavros Halkias?

  They go girth over length.

• 46:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:51Speaker 03

  What, like a little beer, a beer can?

• 46:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think that's right.

• 46:54Speaker 04

  A lo, nobody wants a long dick.

• 46:56Stavros Halkias?

  Rooting around in there.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  Speak for yourself.

• 47:00Speaker 04

  I want a skinny dick. A long skinny dick.

• 47:03Speaker 03

  Dawn has granted your wish.

• 47:05Speaker 04

  Not on me, in me.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  I tell you, I used to call Joe on FaceTime all the time, and he would always answer the phone, and he'd be like lying in bed at a hotel room somewhere, and then all of a sudden he'd just pan down. His cock was out the whole time.

• 47:18Speaker 04

  That's funny. That is good. Yeah.

• 47:21Speaker 03

  But we'd be talking for fifteen minutes, and then he'd just slowly pan down. His fucking helmet was out the whole time.

• 47:27Speaker 04

  That's always gonna be funny.

• 47:28Stavros Halkias?

  That's always gonna be good stuff.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  Joe's got a nice piece. I've seen it.

• 47:31Speaker 04

  Thank you, yeah.

• 47:32Stavros Halkias?

  Soder saw it. I'm with you, though. My, the, the, the limiting factor for me would be, now, of course, I'm fat, obviously, but...

• 47:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you're a thing.

• 47:40Stavros Halkias?

  I, but if I had a nice...

• 47:41Speaker 03

  You're a, you're a, you're a, uh...

• 47:44Speaker 04

  A fetish.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  A fetish.

• 47:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, but if I had a nice hog, I'd, I'd be nude all the time.

• 47:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:49Stavros Halkias?

  I would've danced, I would've danced in the, in the plus size stripper community.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  You're like, I could never do naked roast battle. Scares the bejesus out of me.

• 47:57Stavros Halkias?

  They get you really good. Your dick goes inside.

• 47:59Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 48:00Stavros Halkias?

  They nail you with a good one. Your dick retracts because you're...

• 48:04Speaker 03

  They see your dick and they just take a notepad out?

• 48:09Speaker 03

  I'm out, I'm out.

• 48:11Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, naked roast battle, what a, I mean, stand-up comedy wasn't debasing enough as an art form. You're like, how are we gonna sell tickets?

• 48:19Speaker 03

  I'm so glad that's fucking over.

• 48:21Speaker 04

  Not Skankfest though, Skankfest is the biggest event. Like, you cannot get in there.

• 48:26Speaker 03

  You can't get in there because the fucking people are too fat.

• 48:28Speaker 04

  It's like piled out, like, literally, we all tried to go last year and it was like me, Feeny, Sagal, none of us. Well, because we were backstage, and part of it was my, my boy Tom Dustin had had a couple of cocktails. And we went backstage, because we had been back there the year before, and I think Tom was not like a creep or a pervert, but he was just fucked up. And I think he was just kinda like, they were like, you guys gotta all get out of here. No, he wasn't even looking at the women. He was just like in a drunken, like-

• 48:58Stavros Halkias?

  Drunk eyes can look like rape eyes.

• 49:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, they were like, you gotta get all these people out of here. And, yeah, we couldn't even go to the, so we ended up watching like, I don't even know, some shit comic in front of four people. Like, the whole festival empties. Because now, most of the people at the festival have never seen a woman naked.

• 49:15Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, it's a big draw.

• 49:17Speaker 03

  It's never, it's never good dicks.

• 49:21Stavros Halkias?

  No, I've never, I never-

• 49:24Speaker 03

  I've been to it-

• 49:24Stavros Halkias?

  I went to one naked roast battle when I first got here, just because everybody, it more is like, oh, I should meet people, whatever. And I was like, this is so bizarre.

• 49:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, did I say to look at people?

• 49:34Speaker 03

  I watched a live sex show. You ever see a live sex show?

• 49:37Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 49:37Speaker 04

  I've had, that's Sex and the Mirror, where I've kinda watched my wife look upset.

• 49:42Stavros Halkias?

  It's tough to look at yourself and be like, I did look at your stupid face.

• 49:45Speaker 04

  No, I like, because I don't look at me, I, I look at my wife and I pretend I'm watching her from another room, the way I watch, you know?

• 49:51Speaker 03

  That's not interesting, that's fucking creepy as shit. You're watching, you pretend you're in another room watching your wife get fucked by a fin guy?

• 49:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, are you putting a fake dick over your dick so it's bigger too, or?

• 50:03Speaker 04

  No.

• 50:03Stavros Halkias?

  The dick is fine?

• 50:04Speaker 04

  My dick is wonderful.

• 50:05Speaker 03

  He's got a good dick, got a good dick.

• 50:06Speaker 04

  It's a little diseased, but I tell you-

• 50:09Stavros Halkias?

  You know what, I'm coming around, I think herpes, there's too much stigma on it.

• 50:13Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 50:14Stavros Halkias?

  You want it? I don't want it, I'm still good.

• 50:16Speaker 04

  Currently, I could really-

• 50:19Speaker 03

  Joe gives us all herpes.

• 50:20Stavros Halkias?

  The TCM pool, everybody, every old guy in there got fucking herpes.

• 50:23Speaker 04

  It looks like this. It looks like this fucking turkey. It's all wet and spotty.

• 50:29Speaker 03

  You have turkey skin cock? Have you ever, I mean, I think if you don't, if you've never had something, you didn't, you're not fucking.

• 50:40Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I've never.

• 50:41Speaker 03

  You never had warts?

• 50:42Stavros Halkias?

  I've dodged many bullets.

• 50:44Speaker 03

  Warts? No. You ever have crabs?

• 50:46Stavros Halkias?

  No. I don't know, you know, I've got lucky. I don't know what to say.

• 50:50Speaker 04

  I'm thirsty.

• 50:50Stavros Halkias?

  I wonder you like mandami? I never had gonorrhea, so I like mandani.

• 50:56Speaker 03

  His diabetes killed the warts.

• 50:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that is true. Is there, could your blood sugar be too high to allow venereal diseases through?

• 51:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, no blood gets to your cock. Yeah, I had warts. Warts was the worst.

• 51:09Speaker 04

  I did, I, I, I thought warts was worse than herpes. I had to go to Planned Parenthood and they sizzled them off.

• 51:14Speaker 03

  Crabs were fun.

• 51:16Stavros Halkias?

  They were fun. You put them in an aquarium?

• 51:19Speaker 03

  Because they are crabs. When you get the crab kit, it's a little, they give you a little magnifying glass and you can see these little,

• 51:26Stavros Halkias?

  You can see your dick.

• 51:27Speaker 03

  It's almost like a little science thing.

• 51:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:29Speaker 03

  And I saw it hop.

• 51:30Speaker 04

  Why can't you just squish them? You can't just be like, they're too little?

• 51:33Speaker 03

  They're very small. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta put the stuff in and then comb it through and leave it and it kills them. Yeah.

• 51:40Stavros Halkias?

  You don't just shave them?

• 51:42Speaker 03

  No, you wanna kill them.

• 51:43Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? I just read the directions. I did what they said. Yeah, I got, I got crabs, both times with crabs, from redheads.

• 51:50Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 51:52Speaker 04

  Cause a correlation?

• 51:53Stavros Halkias?

  No, uh, yeah, cause.

• 51:56Speaker 04

  Cause?

• 51:56Stavros Halkias?

  For sure. Cause the, the crabs are red, they're attracted to red pubes.

• 52:01Speaker 04

  That makes sense.

• 52:02Stavros Halkias?

  Even though crabs are blue until you steam them. Um, from redheads, huh? Look at that.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, isn't that weird? Two redheads. That's why I'm not really a fan.

• 52:12Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that did it for you. You were out.

• 52:14Speaker 03

  And you could see the blood going into their vagina on their inner thighs. That always freaked me out.

• 52:18Stavros Halkias?

  Seeing the veins, the blue veins, watching it move.

• 52:24Speaker 04

  This episode's making me horny.

• 52:26Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, oh, it's Thanksgiving. Anyway, when did you pay to get your dick sucked by an old lady? This message comes from Wise Business, the only account your business needs to scale globally. You're building a business with global ambition. But hidden fees are eating into your margins. With Wise Business, you can pay overseas suppliers without exchange rate markups. Have customers worldwide? Get payment details in 22 currencies, so you get more of each hard-earned payment without hidden conversion fees. Be smart. Get Wise Business. Download the app. T's and C's apply.

• 53:01Speaker 06

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• 53:32Stavros Halkias?

  I guess we can go back to more wholesome topics like your perfect Thanksgiving spread. I'd love to talk fat for a while here, Bob.

• 53:39Speaker 03

  I'm gonna say this. I'm not a turkey guy. Mac and cheese should not be on the table.

• 53:42Stavros Halkias?

  What? Oh, you would not do well in my house. I'm all mac and cheese. That's, by the way, going back to the cruise, that's what I ate.

• 53:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, that makes sense.

• 53:48Stavros Halkias?

  We hated the waiters, so we went to the buffet every day.

• 53:52Speaker 03

  Joe has the taste buds of a fucking five-year-old. I know, that is true. I'm telling you, we're talking adult man meal.

• 53:59Stavros Halkias?

  But you're, there are children at Thanksgiving.

• 54:01Speaker 03

  Thanksgiving, ready? Thanks, fuck the kids. Thanksgiving.

• 54:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:05Speaker 03

  Turkey?

• 54:06Stavros Halkias?

  I don't like turkey. I would go rib roast.

• 54:08Speaker 03

  Dark meat?

• 54:10Stavros Halkias?

  It's an overrated bird.

• 54:12Speaker 03

  Look, I'm not gonna argue that, but it's a fucking tradition. Turkey?

• 54:16Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not bound by tradition, Robert.

• 54:18Speaker 03

  I know you're not. I'm looking at your fucking face. You're fucking a different person every time I see you. Listen, turkey?

• 54:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:28Speaker 03

  Mashed potatoes, not baked, mashed.

• 54:31Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, I'm with you.

• 54:32Speaker 03

  Stuffing.

• 54:33Stavros Halkias?

  If you're gonna have turkey, you can have stuffing. Again, I'm not a turkey stuffing guy at all.

• 54:36Speaker 03

  Cranberry sauce in the can, not, I don't want your homemade Rachel Ray horseshit with actual cranberries. I want it the shape of a can.

• 54:46Stavros Halkias?

  You wanna remember, you wanna remember growing up white trash.

• 54:49Speaker 03

  I wanna see lines in my fucking.

• 54:53Speaker 03

  I would say green beans, green beans, maybe, maybe a pea, some type of vegetable.

• 55:00Stavros Halkias?

  You do need a vegetable, but I don't know what it is.

• 55:02Speaker 03

  Some squash.

• 55:03Stavros Halkias?

  Squash?

• 55:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, no, no, what's the, like, the, uh, sweet potato.

• 55:08Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, yes.

• 55:09Speaker 03

  I would say sweet potato with the.

• 55:10Stavros Halkias?

  Sweet potato casserole.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  With the marshmallow on top.

• 55:12Stavros Halkias?

  You don't have that shit.

• 55:13Speaker 03

  Yes, I do. Are you out of your mind? Are you out of your, you been there?

• 55:16Stavros Halkias?

  You have sweet potato casserole?

• 55:17Speaker 03

  Yes. We don't call it casserole, we just call it sweet potato.

• 55:21Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 55:21Speaker 03

  And then gravy homemade with the turkey juice. Gotta make it. You can't buy it. You gotta make it.

• 55:27Stavros Halkias?

  So that you want it made, but the cranberry you want bought?

• 55:30Speaker 03

  Cranberry I want bought. I want those lines.

• 55:32Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 55:33Speaker 03

  And then, and then you gotta have some type of biscuit.

• 55:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:37Speaker 03

  Some type of biscuit.

• 55:38Stavros Halkias?

  Fully, fully, fully on board biscuit wise.

• 55:40Speaker 03

  And then, and then for dessert, I say, whatever, but you have to have a pie.

• 55:46Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 55:47Speaker 03

  You have to have a pumpkin pie.

• 55:48Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. I'm with you there. I'm a traditionalist dessert wise.

• 55:52Speaker 03

  Dessert, just.

• 55:52Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a dessert conservative. I want pumpkin pie. I want sweet potato pie.

• 55:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:57Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe a little dollop of vanilla, à la mode.

• 56:00Speaker 03

  Oh, absolutely.

• 56:01Stavros Halkias?

  And I'll listen to any kind of pumpkin spin. You give me a pumpkin cheesecake.

• 56:06Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 56:07Stavros Halkias?

  You give me a pumpkin bobka. You give me like any kind of weird chocolate pumpkin mix. I'm, I'm all ears, but I want those fall autumnal flavors. And on Christmas, that's when you can open up dessert to literally anything.

• 56:20Speaker 03

  Open it up.

• 56:20Stavros Halkias?

  As far as I'm concerned.

• 56:21Speaker 03

  Whatever you got.

• 56:22Stavros Halkias?

  But I need some cinnamon. I need some nutmeg in my dessert.

• 56:26Speaker 03

  You didn't send your cookies for Christmas.

• 56:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, I did.

• 56:28Speaker 03

  You sent them late.

• 56:30Stavros Halkias?

  Everybody got them late.

• 56:31Speaker 03

  All right.

• 56:31Stavros Halkias?

  Stink.

• 56:32Speaker 03

  Come on.

• 56:33Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 56:34Speaker 03

  I had them on here on the episode.

• 56:36Stavros Halkias?

  It's the crunchiest crappy.

• 56:40Speaker 03

  Stop it. You're talking to a five year old.

• 56:41Stavros Halkias?

  You're right. You're right.

• 56:42Speaker 03

  They're like crunchy. I don't want crunchy. Nah, dude.

• 56:45Stavros Halkias?

  They're not all crunchy, though. The, the white ones are crunchy.

• 56:48Speaker 03

  Oh, good.

• 56:48Stavros Halkias?

  Which you should like.

• 56:49Speaker 03

  The powder on it?

• 56:50Stavros Halkias?

  The powdery ones. And then the, but the fucking, the brown ones are incredible. The, the melomacano, the ones that are in honey?

• 56:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, the melomacanos are the, so, honey, dude? You know what I had the other day? I had bread with cream cheese in it with honey drizzled over the top.

• 57:06Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 57:06Speaker 03

  What the fuck?

• 57:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful, Bob.

• 57:09Speaker 03

  I hope Mondani brings some of that fucking Arab, Greek, European.

• 57:12Stavros Halkias?

  Honey is available right now in New York City.

• 57:16Stavros Halkias?

  When he's president, it's all gonna be à la mode.

• 57:21Speaker 03

  Woo!

• 57:24Stavros Halkias?

  Cuomo!

• 57:25Speaker 03

  Cuomo!

• 57:26Stavros Halkias?

  Cuomo!

• 57:26Speaker 03

  Cuomo!

• 57:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah! Watch out ladies! He's back!

• 57:33Stavros Halkias?

  Keep your head on a swivel you whores Cuomo's coming back! Cuomo sexual.

• 57:38Speaker 03

  I mean is that really just is we got a guy who tries to get pussy? And then fucking socialist.

• 57:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's how you view it? Tries to get pussy?

• 57:48Speaker 04

  What did he do? He spanked the girl in the bottom or something like that?

• 57:50Stavros Halkias?

  He's just talking to his, you know, he's sexually harassing his employees.

• 57:54Speaker 03

  What is sexual harassing?

• 57:56Stavros Halkias?

  I think, uh, yeah, inappropriate touching, uh, constantly talking about their bodies, you know, asking them out.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  Wasn't that a compliment back in like the day?

• 58:06Stavros Halkias?

  You can't even tell a girl she's fucking beautiful anymore.

• 58:09Speaker 03

  Let me ask you a question, seriously.

• 58:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, please. Look up Cuomo's, you know.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question.

• 58:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  Now, we had a certain way we were, right? And then it changed very rapidly.

• 58:21Stavros Halkias?

  Which by the way, the way, just to remind you, the way you were was, you know, drinking, you were a nine-year-old having like corn whiskey in the train tracks.

• 58:31Speaker 03

  That's correct.

• 58:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's not, there's no Norman Rockwell.

• 58:37Speaker 03

  I'm not eighty-seven. I had Seagram's seven. They had this fucking asshole. I wasn't, I wasn't going in the woods and talking to Jeremiah and coming home with a fucking jug, you fucking.

• 58:48Stavros Halkias?

  Having corn bags?

• 58:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:52Speaker 03

  I wasn't stealing pies from windowsills.

• 58:57Stavros Halkias?

  But, but the idea that there's some, uh, mythical Norman Rockwell America that's been taken from us, no one here experienced that.

• 59:05Speaker 03

  I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, in the eighties, eighty and eighties and nineties, the, our culture was so different. Our movies were different. We were brought up in a different way and it changed very rapidly to this new way that everybody's accepted. Everybody's, yeah, it's a better way, let's go.

• 59:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's no, everyone is not accepted.

• 59:25Speaker 03

  What is the timeline?

• 59:26Stavros Halkias?

  Looked at the political climate recently, there's been kind of a violent backlash.

• 59:31Speaker 03

  When, I think, I think, no, no, no, we all accept it, right Joe?

• 59:35Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, I stand corrected. I take it back.

• 59:39Speaker 03

  Look, we speak.

• 59:41Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, yes, go ahead.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  But, I mean, what's the timeline of when he did this? If he did this when it was okay?

• 59:48Stavros Halkias?

  Who did what?

• 59:49Speaker 03

  When Cuomo, when Tony, what's his name?

• 59:53Stavros Halkias?

  Andrew.

• 59:54Speaker 03

  Andrew, when Drew.

• 59:56Stavros Halkias?

  Drew.

• 59:57Speaker 04

  Andy Cuomo.

• 59:58Speaker 03

  When fucking Andrew fucking did all his stupid shit.

• 1:00:02Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you're just, you're talking about not harassing people.

• 1:00:04Speaker 03

  Has he not done it in 10 years? And did he do it when?

• 1:00:09Stavros Halkias?

  No, I thought it was pretty recent.

• 1:00:09Speaker 03

  We kinda did it?

• 1:00:11Stavros Halkias?

  No, I think it was like-

• 1:00:11Speaker 03

  But was it like a? That kinda thing?

• 1:00:14Stavros Halkias?

  It was the classic whistle. Which, by the way, the older I get, I understand. I, as a kid, I was like, why would everybody whistle at a woman?

• 1:00:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:21Stavros Halkias?

  And now, as I am, I am reaching like old creep.

• 1:00:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:26Stavros Halkias?

  It's starting to sink in where you see, I haven't done the full, but a girl has walked by and into myself and been like,

• 1:00:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:35Speaker 03

  How else are you gonna get him to turn around and look at your cock?

• 1:00:36Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:00:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:41Stavros Halkias?

  I fucking travel with a referee's whistle.

• 1:00:48Speaker 03

  I mean, look, that, I mean,

• 1:00:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's more like it.

• 1:00:50Speaker 03

  I'm glad I'm out of the game, though, because, I mean, it must, like, when you used to pick up girls back in the day, back in the 80s.

• 1:00:58Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  You could just pull your dick out in the car. That was a move.

• 1:01:02Stavros Halkias?

  Damn right.

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  And they'd be like, what are you doing? And I'd be like, I'm just playing with my dick.

• 1:01:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  And then they, you know what I mean? You can't, but I'm saying, listen, let me finish.

• 1:01:11Stavros Halkias?

  Pulling your dick out in the car was a move?

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  That was a move!

• 1:01:14Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 1:01:14Stavros Halkias?

  It's a strong move.

• 1:01:16Speaker 03

  It's fucking guaranteed move, by the way.

• 1:01:18Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know about a guaranteed.

• 1:01:19Speaker 03

  Let me tell you.

• 1:01:21Stavros Halkias?

  It's a confident move.

• 1:01:22Speaker 03

  That's like a flute to a cobra.

• 1:01:28Speaker 03

  But, I mean, now, you can't.

• 1:01:30Stavros Halkias?

  You can't pull your dick out in the car.

• 1:01:31Speaker 03

  You can't, you can't.

• 1:01:32Stavros Halkias?

  Not if, not if you're not certain about how it will be received.

• 1:01:35Speaker 03

  Movies are gonna suck.

• 1:01:37Stavros Halkias?

  I think movies have been pretty good.

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  20 years from now, movies are gonna stink. It's gonna be a really polite boss. She's gonna, it's not even gonna be a man, it's gonna be a woman.

• 1:01:46Stavros Halkias?

  A woman boss?

• 1:01:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, boo.

• 1:01:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's your dystopian future? It's a woman? Boss.

• 1:01:55Speaker 03

  Get Gary in here now.

• 1:01:58Speaker 03

  I hope women take over and they turn into pigs like us.

• 1:02:01Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  They're just bending young boy, young, young interns over the table.

• 1:02:06Stavros Halkias?

  I don't mind that.

• 1:02:07Speaker 03

  From behind.

• 1:02:07Stavros Halkias?

  That, I think everybody wins in that scenario. I think, you would have loved to get milk as a, milked as a young intern.

• 1:02:13Speaker 03

  I'd love to get milked right now. Who wouldn't mind? Call me cow. Why do you think I got so fat?

• 1:02:20Stavros Halkias?

  Draw udders on your own tits.

• 1:02:21Speaker 03

  Oh my god. I really did like that for a minute.

• 1:02:26Stavros Halkias?

  That's what I'm saying, man.

• 1:02:27Speaker 03

  Getting milk, not the udders on my tits.

• 1:02:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful. Joe, what about you? You, you, what, you do have a very basic palate. You do just want turkey and mac and cheese?

• 1:02:38Speaker 04

  Well, I don't really like turkey. Too dry.

• 1:02:40Stavros Halkias?

  What meat are you having on Thanksgiving?

• 1:02:42Speaker 04

  I don't know. My family is fucked up. We all, they, they make the turkey with the cranberry, like you're saying, and a mac and cheese, Kraft Deluxe Mac and Cheese, Blue Ox, baby.

• 1:02:50Stavros Halkias?

  I like that. I have nothing wrong with that.

• 1:02:52Speaker 04

  And, um, yeah, mashed potato, gravy, stuffing, but no one in my family likes it. They all eat like me, or worse. Like, you guys think I'm a bad eater. I'm the only one in my family that eats fish.

• 1:03:04Speaker 04

  Seriously. Like, my family, like, they think I'm like Anthony Bourdain. Literally, my uncle Doug, he's like, this guy will eat anything. Put anything in front of him. And, uh, so.

• 1:03:15Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 1:03:16Speaker 04

  And Sarah's been saying this for years, because she's been coming for 15 years now. She's like, you guys should just have pizza.

• 1:03:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:22Speaker 04

  Just have pizza, hot dogs, pasta.

• 1:03:24Speaker 03

  On Thanksgiving?

• 1:03:25Speaker 04

  Yes. Because we eat the thing. We eat the bullshit. And then an hour later, we make pizza.

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  A con copia with just pizza in it and cookies?

• 1:03:32Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. Sounds kinda good.

• 1:03:34Speaker 04

  Why do we feel this need to fake like, oh, turkey stuffing? Because, I'm with you. Society says we're supposed to.

• 1:03:41Stavros Halkias?

  Fake tradition.

• 1:03:41Speaker 03

  I went to, two weeks ago, up in New Hampshire where my little tiny house is, they have a place called Harts Turkey Farm. You know Harts, right?

• 1:03:50Speaker 04

  I don't know Harts.

• 1:03:51Speaker 03

  It's Thanksgiving dinner all year round.

• 1:03:55Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:03:56Speaker 03

  And you walk in and you get small, medium, or large, and you pick your thing, and it's turkey, it's Thanksgiving dinner every fucking day.

• 1:04:05Speaker 04

  See.

• 1:04:06Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 1:04:07Speaker 04

  See, so that's the thing, that's my take on Thanksgiving, is that like, that was never a, when, when this was, started as a holiday.

• 1:04:15Stavros Halkias?

  That would have never been possible because everyone's broke as fuck. And the one, it's the one ye- one day a year, you can guarantee you'll get turkey, potato. It's the one day you get more than one side in like the twenties or whatever. And I think like, you know, it's like you get all the fixings and shit. No one's eating like that now. Meanwhile, we can ha- you can have a Thanksgiving dinner any day you want at this farm.

• 1:04:39Speaker 03

  I did.

• 1:04:40Stavros Halkias?

  Or, we're ordering food from fucking nations they hadn't even heard about.

• 1:04:44Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:04:44Stavros Halkias?

  When Thanksgiving start- it's like, it's a, it's an old fashioned holiday. We've, we're past it. You should be able to get whatever the fuck you want. Cause the spirit is big feast with your family.

• 1:04:54Speaker 03

  And friends.

• 1:04:54Stavros Halkias?

  Your family, yeah, your family should get fucking pizza and fucking nachos.

• 1:04:57Speaker 04

  And we give thanks, yeah.

• 1:04:59Stavros Halkias?

  We give thanks, absolutely.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  Fucking Mondani?

• 1:05:04Stavros Halkias?

  There you go.

• 1:05:05Speaker 03

  I just fucking turned to Mondani?

• 1:05:08Speaker 04

  By the way, I thought I'm getting x-rayed with this. I just realized, I put my, like a dental x-ray.

• 1:05:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:12Speaker 04

  Put the thing on.

• 1:05:13Speaker 03

  You know what's funny is that these holidays that we do celebrate are all fucking, they're kinda made up.

• 1:05:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:05:19Speaker 03

  Christmas was made up from Coke.

• 1:05:21Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 1:05:21Speaker 03

  Coca-Cola.

• 1:05:22Stavros Halkias?

  Santa Claus is a, I think the, the one we think about is a Santa Claus ad.

• 1:05:26Speaker 03

  Coca-Cola wanted to sell Coke in, in, in the winter. They only sold Coke really in the summer, spring, fall.

• 1:05:33Stavros Halkias?

  I like this.

• 1:05:34Speaker 03

  And in the winter, nobody bought, cause it's, you know, it's refreshing summer, cools you down. So they came up with this, this Santa Claus thing that would, yeah.

• 1:05:43Stavros Halkias?

  I think that's actually right.

• 1:05:44Speaker 04

  That's like Kris Kringle in Santa Nick.

• 1:05:46Speaker 03

  It's all bullshit. It's all bullshit.

• 1:05:48Stavros Halkias?

  I think the Santa we think about, especially the red, red Santa is because of Coca-Cola for real.

• 1:05:52Speaker 03

  Coca-Cola did it so they could sell Coke in, in the winter, winter season.

• 1:05:57Stavros Halkias?

  I like this. I like conspiratorial Bobby.

• 1:05:59Speaker 04

  I know, yeah, you're turning into him.

• 1:06:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I was, his, his shape too. I'll be back at some point.

• 1:06:06Stavros Halkias?

  Capitalism does it all for, you know, it warps our minds.

• 1:06:09Speaker 04

  And Israel killed Kennedy. Let's keep going with this bullshit.

• 1:06:13Speaker 03

  Let's bring up Charlie Kirk. What do you got?

• 1:06:14Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, what did he try and do before he was assassinated? Make AIPAC register as a foreign agent? Hmm, interesting coincidence.

• 1:06:22Speaker 03

  Nobody knows what you're talking about. Let's get back to turkey. Again, you're dressed like a turkey. Stop.

• 1:06:28Speaker 04

  What's AIPAC? A pack of cigarettes?

• 1:06:33Speaker 03

  No, but these holiday, look, I love, but it is, you know what I think they give us too?

• 1:06:39Stavros Halkias?

  Anything on the, on those Santa stuff, by the way?

• 1:06:41Speaker 07

  It's basically that they, do you have Santa Claus existed before 1931? But a ad campaign from Coca-Cola really popularized.

• 1:06:49Stavros Halkias?

  Is the iconic Santa that we think of with the red suit and everything.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, now I gotta buy my son a fucking electric dirt bike, that's $3,000. Cause these losers wanted us to drink more Coke.

• 1:06:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:07:00Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:07:01Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm with you, but, but at the same time, it is nice to just, it is all bullshit. And even Christmas, it's like, you know, every major holiday, there's like an equinox or some shit. Or, and like, uh, that around December.

• 1:07:14Speaker 04

  A gym?

• 1:07:15Stavros Halkias?

  You know, the vernal equinox or whatever the fuck.

• 1:07:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, we know what you're talking about.

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  Is that my camera?

• 1:07:22Speaker 04

  I have an equinox membership.

• 1:07:24Stavros Halkias?

  Do you? Do you like it?

• 1:07:25Speaker 03

  You know what, you know what I think though, that this holidays, you know why they're good? Why these, whatever holidays we have, it's goals to get to. Cause we're all working all the fucking time. And you're like, if I can just get to Thanksgiving, I have that day with everybody. And then I gotta get to Christmas and then with your Catholic, get to Easter.

• 1:07:45Stavros Halkias?

  It is nice.

• 1:07:46Speaker 03

  And then you get to the summer, it, you know, you have these little goals that you get to. And you get to spend time with your family.

• 1:07:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's why we do a thing, I mean, me and my, me and my family, we, we were doing Korean barbecue Thanksgiving. Cause we basically were like, we don't fucking like turkey.

• 1:07:59Speaker 03

  Let me just tell you something right now, I'd switch to Korean barbecue.

• 1:08:02Stavros Halkias?

  Come in, dude.

• 1:08:03Speaker 03

  If you get a couple of Asians to come over and cook that shit and snap it up.

• 1:08:06Stavros Halkias?

  I did it myself when it was the pandemic, but we go out, we go to a Korean barbecue restaurant. That's nice too. Now the thing that sucks, no leftovers there if you go out.

• 1:08:15Speaker 03

  Not with you.

• 1:08:15Stavros Halkias?

  And leftovers.

• 1:08:18Speaker 03

  I mean, regular people, they'd be stocking plenty of leftovers.

• 1:08:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, why can't you take leftovers?

• 1:08:24Stavros Halkias?

  You don't take leftovers from Korean barbecue?

• 1:08:26Speaker 03

  What, I have?

• 1:08:27Stavros Halkias?

  No, you haven't.

• 1:08:28Speaker 03

  I have.

• 1:08:28Stavros Halkias?

  Now you're lying to my face.

• 1:08:29Speaker 03

  I swear to God I have.

• 1:08:30Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 1:08:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got a baby stomach now, but I still order like we used to order. So it's like, yeah, let me get everything on the fucking menu.

• 1:08:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  And then they bring out all that other shit. Remember fish cakes?

• 1:08:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, oh yeah.

• 1:08:41Speaker 03

  Oh, god damn it.

• 1:08:42Stavros Halkias?

  You mean the seafood pancake?

• 1:08:45Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:08:45Stavros Halkias?

  Or do you mean the little fish cake?

• 1:08:46Speaker 03

  The fish cake, the little strip.

• 1:08:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, but the seafood pancake's great too.

• 1:08:48Speaker 03

  Seafood pancake's great too, yeah.

• 1:08:49Stavros Halkias?

  Whistle.

• 1:08:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:51Stavros Halkias?

  Nah, that's getting me whistling too.

• 1:08:53Speaker 03

  The thing about the barbecue, the Korean barbecue, if it's good, it smells. The place stinks.

• 1:09:00Stavros Halkias?

  I think that's great.

• 1:09:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a good thing when you walk in, you're like, oh, this is real Asian. This is Asian people stuff.

• 1:09:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:08Stavros Halkias?

  Joe would hate it.

• 1:09:09Speaker 03

  Joe would.

• 1:09:09Speaker 04

  I like Korean barbecue.

• 1:09:10Speaker 03

  You do?

• 1:09:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:11Speaker 03

  What is it?

• 1:09:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like, uh, sticky fucking sauce on chicken.

• 1:09:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we'll accept that.

• 1:09:18Speaker 03

  I mean, yeah, I'll take it.

• 1:09:19Speaker 04

  I like Korean barbecue, it's like sweet, it's like a sweeter barbecue.

• 1:09:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you can have that, you can, there's certain, there's different.

• 1:09:24Speaker 04

  What else is there?

• 1:09:25Stavros Halkias?

  There's more garlicky, there's more vinegary preparations.

• 1:09:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, alright, well whatever.

• 1:09:29Stavros Halkias?

  Spicy pork belly.

• 1:09:31Speaker 03

  I'm gonna say something that's a little controversial right now.

• 1:09:32Stavros Halkias?

  Please.

• 1:09:33Speaker 04

  You don't like Koreans?

• 1:09:36Speaker 03

  That too.

• 1:09:37Stavros Halkias?

  I like Koreans.

• 1:09:37Speaker 03

  I love Koreans, I love Koreans.

• 1:09:38Stavros Halkias?

  They're great.

• 1:09:40Speaker 03

  I would never date one.

• 1:09:43Speaker 03

  No, I'm kidding.

• 1:09:44Stavros Halkias?

  You're a married man.

• 1:09:46Speaker 03

  I'm not, I'm kinda over barbecue.

• 1:09:49Stavros Halkias?

  The concept of barbecue, like Texas barbecue?

• 1:09:52Speaker 03

  It's just barbecue, it's like, I used to.

• 1:09:54Stavros Halkias?

  I like this, go on, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:56Speaker 03

  I used to love it, but now, the last three times I went, oh, let's get barbecue, it's like, I feel.

• 1:10:01Stavros Halkias?

  Too expensive, first of all.

• 1:10:02Speaker 03

  It's crazy expensive.

• 1:10:03Stavros Halkias?

  One fucking rib is like eighty fucking dollars.

• 1:10:05Speaker 04

  I just went to, what is it, Frank Black's? No, that's the guy from Pixies.

• 1:10:09Speaker 03

  Terry Black.

• 1:10:09Speaker 04

  Terry Black.

• 1:10:10Speaker 03

  If Frank Black is on your podcast.

• 1:10:12Speaker 04

  I don't get it.

• 1:10:13Speaker 03

  Nope, nothing, it was nothing.

• 1:10:16Speaker 03

  I mean, we're gonna have, we're gonna have a couple. I mean, we've been knocking them out of the fucking, it's like a homebrew derby on this podcast.

• 1:10:22Stavros Halkias?

  But I just didn't even know what you were going for.

• 1:10:23Speaker 03

  I fouled one off.

• 1:10:24Speaker 04

  Was Frank Black?

• 1:10:25Stavros Halkias?

  I thought it was just a guy I don't know.

• 1:10:26Speaker 04

  Well, Frank Black is the...

• 1:10:27Speaker 03

  I just tried to do a black joke.

• 1:10:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:29Speaker 03

  Hula.

• 1:10:30Speaker 04

  Oh, Frank Black is from the Pixies.

• 1:10:31Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, okay, okay, okay.

• 1:10:33Speaker 03

  Terry Blacks.

• 1:10:33Stavros Halkias?

  Terry Blacks.

• 1:10:34Speaker 04

  Terry Blacks, and it was like, I couldn't believe it. It was like $400 for a...

• 1:10:37Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking insane, dude.

• 1:10:38Speaker 04

  It was unbelievable. And...

• 1:10:39Stavros Halkias?

  It's way too overpriced.

• 1:10:40Speaker 04

  Barbecue, also, you feel like shit after.

• 1:10:42Speaker 03

  You're shit.

• 1:10:43Speaker 04

  Brisk, that greasy brisket is delicious, but I wanna throw up.

• 1:10:46Speaker 03

  You feel like garbage. As soon as you're done, you're salty and, and you're just like, ugh.

• 1:10:51Stavros Halkias?

  And the sides are never to the level of the meat.

• 1:10:53Speaker 03

  Never.

• 1:10:53Stavros Halkias?

  The sides are always kinda dogshit.

• 1:10:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:55Stavros Halkias?

  I'm with you. I think this is a great culinary take. Barbecue overrated. It's over for barbecue.

• 1:11:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, they, they, they, they made it. Too many people started doing it.

• 1:11:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:04Speaker 03

  Back in the day, I used to go to Houston, and there was this place. It was like, been there for fucking 60 years.

• 1:11:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:10Speaker 03

  And it was like, just like a cafeteria. You went in, you gotta, there was just these people in the back, you know? I went to the, the barbecue church in Houston. It's a fucking hut next to a church. Three black lady and a black dude in overalls.

• 1:11:23Stavros Halkias?

  Loves that.

• 1:11:24Speaker 03

  I remember she, she goes, "You want bread?" And she had, she had white bread. "You want bread and pickles?" I said, "Yeah." She grabbed a pickle out of a, stuck her fist in a pickle with so, with, and just grabbed the pickle dripping, and then grabbed my bread. Her fingerprints were in my bread.

• 1:11:39Speaker 03

  I was gonna throw up, and then I ate it. I was like, this is the best.

• 1:11:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:42Speaker 03

  But now, it's too much shit.

• 1:11:44Stavros Halkias?

  And it's all, it's just way too expensive. And, and you, it is the meal that makes you feel the absolute worst.

• 1:11:48Speaker 03

  It's worse.

• 1:11:49Stavros Halkias?

  Cause it's sugar plus fat, plus like red meat and salt and just like...

• 1:11:54Speaker 03

  I'd take a Chinese, uh, rib over a barbecue rib.

• 1:11:58Stavros Halkias?

  Please, please. Uh, yes.

• 1:12:00Speaker 03

  I'd take a Chinese...

• 1:12:01Stavros Halkias?

  You kidding?

• 1:12:03Speaker 03

  A Chinese, Chinese rib.

• 1:12:05Stavros Halkias?

  I think Asians are, are working us over...

• 1:12:08Speaker 03

  Joe, Chinese rib. I'm sorry. Joe, hang on one second. They don't make Japanese ribs. No, no.

• 1:12:16Stavros Halkias?

  Doesn't change. Noise is the same. Doesn't even go deeper, the traditional Japanese sound.

• 1:12:22Speaker 03

  I would take a Chinese food rib over a barbecue rib any day.

• 1:12:26Stavros Halkias?

  I agree, and I also think Chinese soup, or Asian soups in general, completely superior to the American soup.

• 1:12:33Speaker 04

  Superior? Very soup.

• 1:12:35Speaker 03

  What, what, what, we got chicken noodle. We got chicken noodle.

• 1:12:39Speaker 04

  Chicken noodle, chicken rice. We have chicken noodle, chicken rice, chicken orzo.

• 1:12:43Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, you can see it sucks by how excited Joe is about it.

• 1:12:45Speaker 03

  I know, exactly.

• 1:12:46Stavros Halkias?

  The fact that Joe loves the food means it sucks.

• 1:12:48Speaker 03

  He wants to toy with the soup.

• 1:12:51Speaker 04

  Parrot ginger soup?

• 1:12:53Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, okay.

• 1:12:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:55Stavros Halkias?

  That's kind of interesting.

• 1:12:56Speaker 03

  I've come around on miso soup.

• 1:12:57Speaker 04

  Miso's great.

• 1:12:58Speaker 03

  I love a miso.

• 1:12:59Stavros Halkias?

  When you go to a place that does like a, not from the, that does it not from the packet?

• 1:13:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh. Yeah, pho, pho's the best.

• 1:13:06Stavros Halkias?

  Pho.

• 1:13:07Speaker 03

  Pho's so good.

• 1:13:08Stavros Halkias?

  Pho ramen, Joe's, Joe's jacking off.

• 1:13:11Speaker 03

  I take that back. Ramen, ramen. Ramen is probably top five foods.

• 1:13:16Stavros Halkias?

  I agree with you.

• 1:13:17Speaker 03

  Top five foods.

• 1:13:17Speaker 04

  That's Jamaican, right?

• 1:13:18Speaker 03

  Ramon.

• 1:13:21Stavros Halkias?

  Ramon.

• 1:13:23Speaker 04

  Ramon soup.

• 1:13:26Speaker 03

  Remember, we got ramen in Philly.

• 1:13:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  Oh, that was good.

• 1:13:29Stavros Halkias?

  That was great, dude.

• 1:13:30Speaker 03

  You know what's the best part about it? Is that you were in your, we were both in our own little booth.

• 1:13:34Stavros Halkias?

  I love when they do that, the little booth.

• 1:13:36Speaker 03

  Just hearing you go.

• 1:13:42Stavros Halkias?

  What about when we were all in Cleveland and I was like, you guys gotta have Mama Santa's Best Italian in the World? And you're like, alright, we'll come meet you. And then you guys went to like Thai before.

• 1:13:50Speaker 04

  We got pho immediately before.

• 1:13:52Speaker 03

  It's the best pho in the country.

• 1:13:53Speaker 04

  Superior, it's called Superior Pho, right?

• 1:13:55Speaker 03

  Superior pho, but there's, it's, it's crazy because there's a pho place on the corner. The lights and all my, no. You're gonna go around the back of another building.

• 1:14:03Stavros Halkias?

  Into a mall, into a weird mall.

• 1:14:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:06Stavros Halkias?

  It's not pho from there.

• 1:14:09Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:14:10Stavros Halkias?

  Very nice, very nice.

• 1:14:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:12Stavros Halkias?

  Great banh mi pho combo over there.

• 1:14:14Speaker 03

  We did banh mi pho and then we went.

• 1:14:16Speaker 04

  And then we just immediately went.

• 1:14:17Speaker 03

  We had pizza.

• 1:14:18Stavros Halkias?

  Joe was so pissed.

• 1:14:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was bummed.

• 1:14:20Stavros Halkias?

  You guys, you guys can't even taste the butter noodles and plain cheese pizza.

• 1:14:25Speaker 04

  It's fuck that, fuck you. Enough, I'll be like the funny, oh yeah. Mama Santa's been family owned for 90 years, they make the fucking pasta.

• 1:14:34Stavros Halkias?

  Didn't have a full fucking meal right after.

• 1:14:36Speaker 04

  Nothing worse than Italian food, I'm a basic bitch. Food from Italy sucks.

• 1:14:41Stavros Halkias?

  No, we had.

• 1:14:42Speaker 04

  You fucking socialist. Fuck it, whatever you want. What's the other one that's worse? Communist?

• 1:14:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:49Speaker 03

  Is it worse?

• 1:14:50Stavros Halkias?

  We ate. I think so. I love this. Is it Bob? Good. We're gonna secretly turn you into like a leftist by accident, just by promising you sex workers.

• 1:14:58Speaker 03

  I'm a fucking Democrat, registered baby.

• 1:15:00Stavros Halkias?

  Now we're talking.

• 1:15:00Speaker 03

  I'm just old.

• 1:15:01Stavros Halkias?

  You feel it swinging back.

• 1:15:02Speaker 03

  I'm old.

• 1:15:03Stavros Halkias?

  You feel it swinging back, so now you're a registered Democrat.

• 1:15:05Speaker 03

  Let's fucking do it.

• 1:15:08Speaker 04

  We did eat.

• 1:15:09Speaker 03

  Free everything!

• 1:15:10Stavros Halkias?

  I love it.

• 1:15:11Speaker 03

  Black people are best.

• 1:15:13Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:15:13Speaker 03

  Women are the strongest.

• 1:15:14Stavros Halkias?

  They're the best. I didn't say, I didn't say they're the strongest.

• 1:15:17Speaker 04

  More genders, more genders, more genders, more genders.

• 1:15:21Speaker 03

  He, them, she, they, it be you.

• 1:15:23Stavros Halkias?

  That sounds good to me. I don't have a problem with more of them, I don't give a fuck. We had that meal and it was good though.

• 1:15:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, Mama Santa just rules.

• 1:15:31Stavros Halkias?

  It was very good.

• 1:15:31Speaker 03

  It was good, but look at me. And that's the funny thing too, is that all these Italians like Italian food. First of all, it's Mexican food.

• 1:15:38Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 1:15:39Speaker 03

  There's not one Italian in the kitchen.

• 1:15:41Speaker 04

  No, but that's the thing about Mama Santa's.

• 1:15:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:43Speaker 04

  They hate Mexicans.

• 1:15:46Speaker 03

  That is true, that is true.

• 1:15:47Speaker 04

  This is.

• 1:15:48Speaker 03

  It is authentic.

• 1:15:49Speaker 04

  It is white.

• 1:15:52Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, fuck. Well, is it about, I think it's about time to take some calls here.

• 1:15:55Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, we've been here for a day and a half. I have a child for god's sakes.

• 1:15:58Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry.

• 1:15:59Speaker 04

  I haven't seen my son since I was eight.

• 1:16:00Stavros Halkias?

  It's so fun to fucking talk to you guys. What do we got, Eldis? On Thanksgiving, who can we help with this wisdom?

• 1:16:08Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, Bobby, hey, Eldis. Uh, I'm calling, actually left a message before, but I was a bit out of breath, so I figured I'd let you.

• 1:16:17Speaker 03

  Definitely your fan.

• 1:16:18Stavros Halkias?

  Just leave it again.

• 1:16:18Speaker 07

  A little bit more coherent.

• 1:16:19Speaker 03

  Leaving a voicemail?

• 1:16:21Speaker 07

  I was calling, I've been dating this girl, things are going pretty well.

• 1:16:29Speaker 07

  And the one thing is, is she's an immigrant from India, which, you know, obviously I don't have any issue with.

• 1:16:39Speaker 03

  Bobby's warming up.

• 1:16:40Speaker 07

  I invited her to Thanksgiving. She

• 1:16:44Speaker 03

  Oh boy.

• 1:16:45Speaker 07

  Hasn't celebrated it before. Fair would be a good way to meet my family, since it seems like things are going pretty well and will be, you know, something a bit more long term. The only problem is, I come from a very racist MAGA cop family.

• 1:17:04Speaker 03

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 1:17:07Speaker 04

  We have one hiccup.

• 1:17:11Speaker 04

  All the ice posters.

• 1:17:17Speaker 03

  They pat her down for paprika at the door.

• 1:17:21Speaker 03

  We got no spices at this meal.

• 1:17:24Speaker 04

  My father has a swastika tattooed on the back of his neck.

• 1:17:31Speaker 04

  Keep going, elders.

• 1:17:32Speaker 07

  And I have a brother who's gay and another brother who's severely disabled, so for me it feels like, you know, I have a bit of leverage as far as the type of women I bring home. But I've, for context, never introduced any girls to my family, because I'm frankly embarrassed a bit by them. And yeah, I'm a bit nervous about it. Also, you know, Thanksgiving sounds like a big deal, but it's a 30 minute drive away from where I live now. And, you know, it's just my immediate family. The rest of my family also sucks, so we don't see them for holidays. So it would just be like my parents and my siblings. So, you know, did I fuck up doing that?

• 1:18:18Speaker 03

  Yes, please don't tell her any of this.

• 1:18:22Speaker 03

  Just let her show up and feel it.

• 1:18:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:27Speaker 07

  Should I try to weasel my way out of it? Should I just kind of let it rip? Hope for the best.

• 1:18:36Speaker 07

  She, you know, is worried about it herself. I did let her know what kind of family I have, but, you know, they've also been like, oh.

• 1:18:46Speaker 03

  They act like they don't care, but like, I don't know, Italian mom, cop father, like.

• 1:18:52Stavros Halkias?

  Cop like it's ethnicity.

• 1:18:55Speaker 03

  Sounds fantastic to me. Yeah, let me know what you would do in this situation, uh, how I should at least prepare myself if I, I do go through it. And, uh, all, all that jazz. Thank you. Yeah, that's good. You got a mom and a dad still together. You have a hard life.

• 1:19:13Stavros Halkias?

  Well, first of all, it's cool.

• 1:19:14Speaker 03

  I saw a picture of my dad on Facebook.

• 1:19:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, which one?

• 1:19:18Speaker 03

  Smiling with his other family.

• 1:19:19Stavros Halkias?

  Which one of the ones that abandoned you?

• 1:19:21Speaker 03

  The OG.

• 1:19:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, nice. Oh, yeah.

• 1:19:23Speaker 03

  Having a blast.

• 1:19:24Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy. That one's really, very, that's the most and the least your dad at the same time.

• 1:19:30Speaker 03

  This asshole's worried about his fucking, his dad calling to the wrong Indian.

• 1:19:35Stavros Halkias?

  Bob's like, I wish I had a racist dad that I would have to hide how much gay shit I think about from.

• 1:19:40Speaker 03

  I do. I just don't see him.

• 1:19:44Speaker 03

  I just would like to see him.

• 1:19:48Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it's cool to have an Italian and an Indian, cause that's what Thanksgiving.

• 1:19:51Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:19:52Stavros Halkias?

  It's kind of a throwback. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The pilgrims were straight from San Gennaro.

• 1:19:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, put a headpiece on it.

• 1:20:01Stavros Halkias?

  Guys, I, I sprung for an Indian reenactor, Thanksgiving reenactor.

• 1:20:06Speaker 03

  Make a painter face. Just go with it. Yeah, give her a bow and arrow and a pumpkin and send her in the fucking living room.

• 1:20:14Stavros Halkias?

  I do think, even though people are like, oh, it's not a big deal, it's just my, holidays just have a little extra, like, gravity to them in terms of meeting a family for the first time.

• 1:20:25Speaker 03

  But I think it's the day you want to do this.

• 1:20:28Stavros Halkias?

  You want to get it out of the way.

• 1:20:29Speaker 03

  No, because they're in that, when people are at the holidays, they're in a more, I don't know, giving, loving, hey, we haven't seen, like, they're in that mode of, you know.

• 1:20:40Stavros Halkias?

  I think it can go either way. I think they can be in that mode or they can be in that weird stressed, like, I don't know, I've had, I'm sure you've had some bad Thanksgivings. You haven't had stressful Thanksgivings with your family?

• 1:20:49Speaker 03

  No, hall, Irish Catholic, holidays, we all fake it.

• 1:20:52Stavros Halkias?

  You pretend, oh, I see, I see. That's a good point. People fake it, some families fake it.

• 1:20:57Speaker 03

  That's what I'm saying, it's like Italian, this guy's Italian, they're gonna fake it to have the moment. You know what I mean, to have the holiday, no matter what, you know, no matter, you know, what's happened during the year, you have that Christmas or that Thanksgiving, it's like, hey, it's Thanksgiving. Let's just.

• 1:21:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we'll call her racist stuff when she leaves.

• 1:21:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, as soon as she leaves.

• 1:21:17Speaker 04

  Well, also, she's Indian, she's not Afghani or Pakistani or Saudi.

• 1:21:22Speaker 03

  Keep going, keep going.

• 1:21:24Stavros Halkias?

  You think these people have a nuanced hierarchy of brown people?

• 1:21:27Speaker 04

  I think they do.

• 1:21:28Speaker 03

  Italians do, yeah.

• 1:21:29Speaker 04

  I think they do. I think they do.

• 1:21:31Stavros Halkias?

  And you think Indians at the top?

• 1:21:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think India, India is like an ally, okay? They're all right.

• 1:21:37Stavros Halkias?

  Geopolitical?

• 1:21:38Speaker 04

  Yes. Seriously, I'm being serious, these people are like, these people are like, fucking India, what the fuck? Pakistani, Afghan, they're like, the war!

• 1:21:48Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay, oh, I see, I see.

• 1:21:49Speaker 04

  Bin Laden!

• 1:21:50Speaker 03

  You say India, I guarantee he's gonna be like, hey, I had tax issues last year.

• 1:21:55Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 1:21:56Speaker 03

  You know anything about math?

• 1:21:57Stavros Halkias?

  Or, or medical stuff.

• 1:21:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, medical, engineering.

• 1:22:00Speaker 04

  I'm being serious, these bigots, they think India, they think doctor and Buddha and stuff.

• 1:22:06Stavros Halkias?

  They're saying it's a, it's a, it's a, a better minority to bring.

• 1:22:10Speaker 04

  I think it's like, one of the better, yeah, one of the better ones.

• 1:22:13Stavros Halkias?

  Only better by Asian.

• 1:22:13Speaker 04

  I think if she was like, this is my girlfriend, she's Iraqi, then shoot her.

• 1:22:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:18Speaker 04

  India, they'll be like this, oh, wow, how, or whatever, you know what I mean? I'm being, I'm being dead serious.

• 1:22:24Stavros Halkias?

  I know that you are, it's awesome.

• 1:22:25Speaker 03

  You know, huh?

• 1:22:26Speaker 04

  I'm not saying me, no, you're not saying me.

• 1:22:28Stavros Halkias?

  I'm saying these people.

• 1:22:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:30Stavros Halkias?

  You're, you're, there's something to it.

• 1:22:32Speaker 03

  He has no problem, he's fine, his brother's got a fucking problem.

• 1:22:35Stavros Halkias?

  The gay one.

• 1:22:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, when he brings home Gary.

• 1:22:37Stavros Halkias?

  And the disabled one, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:39Stavros Halkias?

  That's true, you could.

• 1:22:40Speaker 03

  I'd like you to meet Tyrone.

• 1:22:41Stavros Halkias?

  Here's what you do, yeah, you hire a really gay black guy to come and pretend he's your brother's secret boyfriend.

• 1:22:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:49Stavros Halkias?

  And he's like, open the door, you know what I mean, he's like, wearing nails and shit, like, very gay.

• 1:22:53Speaker 03

  Why do black people act like that? Can't they just act normal?

• 1:22:54Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, he's hiring an actor, and it's gonna be his greatest challenge ever, because as we all know, black people are the best, as we all believe, we've all said it.

• 1:23:01Speaker 03

  They are the best.

• 1:23:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, thank you, great.

• 1:23:03Speaker 04

  Basketball, fucking.

• 1:23:04Speaker 03

  Black lives matter more.

• 1:23:06Speaker 04

  No, I didn't say more.

• 1:23:08Speaker 03

  No, that's what you told me.

• 1:23:09Speaker 04

  I didn't say more.

• 1:23:10Speaker 03

  They matter more.

• 1:23:11Speaker 04

  I didn't, I just said it.

• 1:23:12Speaker 03

  Am I getting it wrong? Am I getting it wrong?

• 1:23:14Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, I think hiring a gay black dude to really go over the top.

• 1:23:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's gonna be the, do you know how fucking frightened his brother is?

• 1:23:23Stavros Halkias?

  Slides right in.

• 1:23:24Speaker 03

  You take an Italian guy, Italian dad's gonna be like, alright, well at least he isn't that gay guy.

• 1:23:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, it's possible.

• 1:23:29Speaker 03

  She's Indian, that's fine, I'll take the Indian.

• 1:23:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I also think that they're never as bad as you think. You're prefacing it, you're saying, "My parents, they're very conservative." The worst case scenario, it sounds to me, this guy seems like a normal guy, they might say something a little insensitive. They'll say, "What's your nationality?" When they mean, whatever.

• 1:23:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, is the chicken hot enough for you?

• 1:23:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. They're not gonna be like, "Get out of here."

• 1:23:53Speaker 04

  We got Tabasco.

• 1:23:55Speaker 03

  He just has Tabasco on the table in front of her.

• 1:23:58Stavros Halkias?

  They're not gonna be like, "Hey, you leave your backpack outside." You know?

• 1:24:01Speaker 03

  Hey, honey, honey, you don't have to use the fork.

• 1:24:05Stavros Halkias?

  We want you to feel at home.

• 1:24:07Speaker 03

  Use your hand. You wanna use your hand, we're all gonna use hands.

• 1:24:11Stavros Halkias?

  I think you're okay. I mean, that's a good, that's a charitable read.

• 1:24:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, he should just do it and don't think about it. You're overthinking your parents.

• 1:24:21Stavros Halkias?

  And you know what? Everyone has this, like, it's a stressful thing for anyone, no matter what, to meet your significant other, meeting your parents. So, yeah.

• 1:24:30Speaker 03

  You know what's gonna be worse?

• 1:24:31Stavros Halkias?

  Just do it.

• 1:24:32Speaker 03

  What's that? When he goes to her parents' house. Indian parents.

• 1:24:36Speaker 04

  Who the fuck is this man?

• 1:24:39Speaker 03

  Indian parents are more racist than fucking Italians.

• 1:24:42Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know about that.

• 1:24:43Speaker 03

  Buddy, you don't think they want her with some fucking smart Indian dude? They have arranged marriages.

• 1:24:48Stavros Halkias?

  I think it goes, I mean, we don't know how Indian their family is.

• 1:24:52Speaker 03

  Buddy, they arrange them. It's arranged. When they go against the arrangement, it's bad.

• 1:25:00Stavros Halkias?

  And I wanna remind everyone, this is Thanksgiving, we are recreating Thanksgiving, where you talk to your relatives. And no one does any research. I do think it's possible that immigrants do not want their kid to be, that is actually a possibility, where it's like, immigrants don't oftentimes want their kid ending up with somebody different. But I will say, the same way you're saying racists have a brown hierarchy, immigrants have a hierarchy of who they're okay with their kid ending up with, and sometimes white guy gets to sneak by.

• 1:25:31Speaker 03

  Well, not a fat Guinea.

• 1:25:33Stavros Halkias?

  We didn't know, we don't know he's fat.

• 1:25:35Speaker 03

  He was out of breath on the fucking voice.

• 1:25:36Stavros Halkias?

  He might have been nervous talking to eldest.

• 1:25:39Speaker 03

  All right, you know what? That's a fair point. I was, I'm nervous every time I do this podcast and fucking he opens the door. Hello?

• 1:25:48Speaker 03

  I'm expecting a hand to come out.

• 1:25:52Speaker 04

  But last thing, I think any, no matter who you bring over, it's nerve wracking.

• 1:25:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:25:56Speaker 04

  And my wife is, you know, from South Africa. Her parents are British, or her mother's British. I have to tell my family, don't start talking back to her in a British accent. Whatever you do, because people are, they go like, oh, hello. Ooh, whatever the fuck.

• 1:26:12Stavros Halkias?

  Doing Mary Poppins.

• 1:26:13Speaker 04

  Oh, gee. Because that's everyone's instinct is to start talking back in an accent.

• 1:26:18Speaker 03

  You only do Chinese.

• 1:26:19Speaker 04

  Holy, believe it.

• 1:26:20Stavros Halkias?

  The Joe, the List family, that's their specialty.

• 1:26:22Speaker 04

  Yeah. So you're always gonna be nervous, whatever.

• 1:26:25Stavros Halkias?

  Has anyone brought a non-white partner home to the List family?

• 1:26:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, my cousin, yeah, my cousin's married to a black woman.

• 1:26:33Stavros Halkias?

  There we go.

• 1:26:33Speaker 04

  And yeah, it's just everyone, my family is very.

• 1:26:36Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think your family's racist.

• 1:26:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, my family is like, well.

• 1:26:39Stavros Halkias?

  Any more racist than the average?

• 1:26:40Speaker 04

  My family, my, my family has no bigotry whatsoever.

• 1:26:42Speaker 03

  More like you.

• 1:26:44Speaker 04

  I'm serious.

• 1:26:45Speaker 03

  My, my family's more like.

• 1:26:46Stavros Halkias?

  Whatsoever?

• 1:26:49Speaker 04

  Well, maybe, I mean.

• 1:26:52Speaker 04

  They're not like, oh, yeah, they're like.

• 1:26:55Stavros Halkias?

  No, they're cool. I love your family. They're great.

• 1:26:56Speaker 04

  There's no like, my parents, no one in my family is saying racial slurs at any point ever.

• 1:27:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes. Yeah, they're very welcoming. I, we had a great time. We did have literally Domino's pizza. I had the fullest experience.

• 1:27:07Speaker 04

  And Tim Dillon was there. If there was a time for them to be bigoted. It's a 400 pound gay man eating with his mouth open, who never stopped talking.

• 1:27:17Speaker 04

  At breakfast, he's like, oh, this is fucking eggs like a machine gun. And they're like, oh, this is great. And now I'm like, that guy's a billionaire. And they're like, what? It's crazy.

• 1:27:30Speaker 04

  I like his politics. He's good.

• 1:27:34Speaker 04

  I like he has Stephen Miller on and Alex Jones. I think it's fantastic.

• 1:27:38Stavros Halkias?

  Do you have Stephen Miller for real?

• 1:27:39Speaker 04

  I don't think so.

• 1:27:40Stavros Halkias?

  Jesus.

• 1:27:40Speaker 04

  But it's November.

• 1:27:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're right. You're right. Keep going. What else we got, Elvis?

• 1:27:46Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 1:27:46Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, it's fine. We answered the question.

• 1:27:49Speaker 07

  Hey, Scotty. I'm gonna try to make this one quick for you.

• 1:27:51Speaker 04

  Please. I have a child.

• 1:27:53Speaker 07

  In my mid 30s, married, couple of kids. I have a group of friends we've been friends with for a while here. Essentially, you know, all the wives set up all the playdates and stuff like that. Life's good. Everyone's happy. But recently, one of our oldest buddies in the friend group, you know, his wife has not been communicating with him and responding to the messages when we're setting up to get together, hang out and stuff like that. And so they just won't show up randomly. And it's kind of awkward because we're like, should we text our buddy and let him know we're all getting together? Even though his wife's on these group texts and not responding?

• 1:28:37Speaker 07

  Because there's been a couple of times where we've seen him like a couple of days later just out. And we're like, oh, we miss you guys. And he goes, what are you talking about? Didn't even know about it.

• 1:28:46Stavros Halkias?

  His wife's freezing them out.

• 1:28:47Speaker 07

  Does his wife just not want to hang out with our wives? Because I mean, this guy's been our buddy for a while. But we also don't really want to put our wives in an awkward position where clearly his wife has some unknown beef, potentially. I don't know. Not a huge deal, but just kind of awkward, I guess. Because I mean, we still want to hang out with them. He's our buddy. You know, we hang out with them, you know, when it's the guys and stuff.

• 1:29:14Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:29:15Speaker 07

  Obviously, when our wives and kids hang out too.

• 1:29:18Speaker 04

  Still the same thing.

• 1:29:19Speaker 07

  Just curious your thoughts on that.

• 1:29:21Stavros Halkias?

  It's like talking to my wife.

• 1:29:22Speaker 07

  Love the show. Love you guys.

• 1:29:24Stavros Halkias?

  All right, we get it. So this guy's basically like, his wife has the power of, got a little high. Is it all right with you? We got to bleep my voices, but we can have that kitty in there? Yes, we can. Okay. The human form is beautiful.

• 1:29:42Speaker 03

  That definitely is a human form.

• 1:29:43Stavros Halkias?

  The human form, yeah. The human form is beautiful.

• 1:29:48Speaker 03

  I've never seen that on a chart.

• 1:29:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 1:29:51Speaker 04

  Those are nice tits.

• 1:29:52Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you, dude. See, you've changed your tune quickly.

• 1:29:54Speaker 04

  I would lick that tit sweat.

• 1:29:56Speaker 03

  We should just suck his tits for the rest of the podcast. Fuck these calls. Let's just suck his tits.

• 1:30:02Stavros Halkias?

  For the next fifteen minutes?

• 1:30:03Speaker 03

  You gotta look at this guy. Here's the thing with this guy.

• 1:30:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:06Speaker 03

  He knows. The wife, you think, you're married.

• 1:30:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:12Speaker 03

  Your wife, they don't wanna, he, I'm telling you right now.

• 1:30:16Stavros Halkias?

  I could see him being kinda...

• 1:30:18Speaker 03

  She knows that he's gonna find out that they got together. They don't want to get together with you. His wife doesn't wanna do it.

• 1:30:27Stavros Halkias?

  His wife, I think, I think it's very, I think a lot of husbands fall into the like, I just go wherever my wife tells me, like, social cuck mode thing. So I think it's very possible his buddy is in that, he's kind of an oblivious guy, does whatever his wife tells him, and his wife is trying to sneakily put a little distance. She's kinda being passive aggressive.

• 1:30:47Speaker 03

  There's no way she's not going, uh, they text us, and, um, I don't wanna go. I told you I don't like, blah, blah, blah. And, but, alright, well, alright, then, alright, fine, we won't go. And then he's playing, look, I'm just not gonna answer. Okay, fine. And he's gonna play, oh dude, I didn't know.

• 1:31:02Stavros Halkias?

  I say, I, I think that's very possible, but the only way to like, deal with this is to act in good faith as if it's a, if this is a misunderstanding or somebody forgot. And then you're just like, hey, oh, we missed you. I'll just shoot you a text. We've been friends forever. And then if he ignores you too, you get the message.

• 1:31:20Speaker 03

  Fuck that. Life's too short. Cut him out.

• 1:31:22Stavros Halkias?

  It's like his best friend, he's saying.

• 1:31:23Speaker 03

  Cut him out. Cut him out. You got fucking, I mean, you got a certain amount of summers left, buddy. Cut him out.

• 1:31:32Speaker 04

  Cut it out.

• 1:31:33Speaker 03

  Enjoy the ones that wanna be there.

• 1:31:36Stavros Halkias?

  But he wants to hang out with them though.

• 1:31:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, he doesn't wanna hang out with you.

• 1:31:39Stavros Halkias?

  He might, his wife might not.

• 1:31:40Speaker 03

  Nah, if your, your wife, if you, there's no way. He knows. He knows.

• 1:31:46Speaker 04

  Best thing you can do, wife swap. Wife swap. Fuck his wife.

• 1:31:49Speaker 03

  But not with them. Not that twat.

• 1:31:51Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:31:51Speaker 03

  Wife swap with the ones you hang out with.

• 1:31:53Stavros Halkias?

  But it might be fun to fuck the one who hates you. That could be a little...

• 1:31:56Speaker 04

  That's what I do every night.

• 1:32:01Speaker 03

  That's what we all do, Joe.

• 1:32:04Speaker 03

  Last time I saw Don's face, just happy and willing.

• 1:32:10Speaker 03

  I was eating her pussy, she looked like she was waiting for a bus.

• 1:32:19Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, yeah, man, so I don't know. I would say just give him a chance, hit him up, and then if he continues to not show up, then you've gotten your hint and you can cut him off.

• 1:32:30Speaker 03

  Why the fuck is he not on the text thread?

• 1:32:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't get it, really.

• 1:32:33Speaker 03

  That's stupid.

• 1:32:34Stavros Halkias?

  I think the wives just put it together.

• 1:32:36Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:32:36Stavros Halkias?

  This is the traditional America you want. Your wife is your social secretary, she tells you what to, you know, where to go.

• 1:32:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, I don't need a manager.

• 1:32:44Stavros Halkias?

  That's what I'm saying, it's like, I think this is a classic setup that a lot of couples fall into, where it's like the wife kind of picks and chooses, you know, where you go, who you hang out with, unless it's boy, you know, your own thing. Like, when it's couples, I feel like a lot of times, by default, women fall into that.

• 1:33:03Speaker 03

  First of all, who the fuck wants to go out? Couple night sucks. It should be guy night and girl night.

• 1:33:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:11Speaker 04

  I love cuckold night.

• 1:33:15Speaker 03

  I bet that cruise is just an old cuckold cruise.

• 1:33:18Stavros Halkias?

  Sitting in an ergonomic chair, watching your wife get fucked.

• 1:33:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, whatever, like, fuck you. Either go, either go extreme with Bobby and cut them out, or give him one more shot through back channels, through dude-to-dude back channels.

• 1:33:35Stavros Halkias?

  But, yeah, that's your choice, man, who gives a fuck?

• 1:33:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude, you can't, it's weird to get couples to like each other. You know what I mean?

• 1:33:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:42Speaker 03

  I think guys, too, are more, alright, I'll hang out, I don't, that guy's alright, but I'll hang out. Women, very, I don't, I don't like her, you know what I mean?

• 1:33:51Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, I think, I think there can definitely be, I think rivalries can pop up amongst, like, friends of, the significant others of friends, that happens all the time. People don't like each other. I think it happens with dudes, I think probably there's more dudes who just, like, don't give a fuck and will roll with it, but I think plenty of guy, like, there's guys I wouldn't want to hang out with that I would be fucking shitty about having to hang out with.

• 1:34:14Speaker 03

  Who?

• 1:34:15Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I'm just like if.

• 1:34:16Speaker 03

  Let's name names.

• 1:34:18Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I haven't been in a relationship in years, but it's like, you know, I wouldn't like to get stuck with somebody's boyfriend who sucks. You know what I mean? I would make a, I would make a stink about it in the way that you're saying is feminine behavior, Robert.

• 1:34:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, you are would be the feminine person in this relationship. You would be my wife.

• 1:34:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's true, actually. I do need a woman that goes with the flow. I need to be the little drama king. What else we got, LD?

• 1:34:44Speaker 07

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• 1:35:43Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck this guy. Who cares about him?

• 1:35:44Speaker 06

  Hi, Salvi. Hi, LD. Hi, esteemed guests. Thanks for coming up to Hampton a few months ago, and you guys were great, and so was that maniac JP. I'm calling today because I have an issue with taking on other people's accents once I talk to them.

• 1:35:59Stavros Halkias?

  What are you, Madonna?

• 1:36:00Speaker 04

  I was just talking about this.

• 1:36:03Speaker 04

  Fuck, that's unbelievable.

• 1:36:04Stavros Halkias?

  Good producing, Eldis. Wow.

• 1:36:06Speaker 06

  I talk to them. I grew up in New Hampshire, surrounded by people who talk like me.

• 1:36:13Speaker 06

  I grew up in New Hampshire, surrounded by people who talk like me, and now that I'm getting out there in the world, I find that if I'm having a fun conversation with someone, if I'm getting along with them, I will immediately start taking on their accent.

• 1:36:28Speaker 06

  With people who have thick city accents, people with thick southern accents.

• 1:36:33Speaker 03

  God damn it.

• 1:36:33Speaker 06

  The worst of it is when I'm hanging out with black people. I immediately start talking in a black accent. And it's so cringey. I can feel myself doing it every time. I'm cringing, they're cringing, but I don't know what makes me do it and I can't stop it. So if you have any advice or anything you went through to kick me in the ass and make me stop doing this, please help me out, Savi.

• 1:36:56Stavros Halkias?

  This is crazy.

• 1:36:57Speaker 03

  No, it's not.

• 1:36:58Speaker 06

  Thanks for taking my phone. Bye.

• 1:37:00Stavros Halkias?

  Because she's from New Hampshire.

• 1:37:01Speaker 04

  Well, there's certainly no shortage of white guys talking like black people.

• 1:37:04Stavros Halkias?

  That's true. That is true.

• 1:37:06Speaker 03

  You're talking about Andrew Schultz?

• 1:37:08Stavros Halkias?

  Podcasters.

• 1:37:19Stavros Halkias?

  Tell us all this time, the white boy that, you know.

• 1:37:22Speaker 03

  I did it. I've done this. My daughter's called me out on this.

• 1:37:26Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 1:37:27Speaker 03

  Because if I'm, if I'm at a like, you know, it's usually when I, for some reason, when I pump gas.

• 1:37:34Stavros Halkias?

  I am pumping the gas.

• 1:37:37Speaker 03

  I did it. I did it on our, the day after we got married in Maui.

• 1:37:42Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:37:42Speaker 03

  We're in Maui and she wanted to go to the, you ever see Fifty First Dates?

• 1:37:47Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:37:48Speaker 03

  Remember the restaurant? She's like, I want to find a place like that. I'm like, it doesn't exist, you fucking moron.

• 1:37:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's a movie.

• 1:37:54Speaker 03

  We drove around for three hours looking for a breakfast place that doesn't exist. And we had to stop for gas and I was, I saw a Hawaiian looking dude.

• 1:38:05Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:38:06Speaker 03

  And I walked up to him and I was asking him, hey, is there any breakfast, blah, blah, blah? And then when I was leaving, I went, all right, thanks, brother. And I literally did, I did this.

• 1:38:14Stavros Halkias?

  Brother.

• 1:38:15Speaker 03

  And I got in the car and she was just sitting like this.

• 1:38:19Speaker 03

  What's wrong with you? She goes, did you just give the hang loose sign and call him brother? I was like, did I?

• 1:38:27Stavros Halkias?

  Did you pick up any Hawaiian when you were over there? Or did you, did you pick up the island styles?

• 1:38:31Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:38:32Stavros Halkias?

  This isn't a problem for you. You have every distinctive way of speaking. Or is it?

• 1:38:36Speaker 07

  I don't know. I feel like I have done this before, talking to black people, one here and here and there.

• 1:38:40Speaker 03

  Do it all the time?

• 1:38:41Speaker 07

  I don't like it, but you know, it does just come out sometimes.

• 1:38:45Speaker 03

  I don't even know I'm doing it. When I see a black dude, it happens at gas stations. I don't know why. I'm like, what's up, bro? How you doing?

• 1:38:50Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:38:51Speaker 03

  She's like, stop acting, stop assimilating.

• 1:38:53Stavros Halkias?

  Motherfucker, what the fuck?

• 1:38:55Speaker 04

  What the fuck?

• 1:38:56Stavros Halkias?

  You don't do that, Joe, do you?

• 1:38:58Speaker 03

  You can't.

• 1:39:00Speaker 04

  I was supposed to use an example. Oh, I've done this in like Europe where I'll talk or South America. I've been to South America.

• 1:39:07Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 1:39:08Speaker 04

  They struggle to come up with words in English and I'll talk back like I'm struggling to come up with words.

• 1:39:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:14Speaker 04

  Where I'll be like, I'm looking for the bus. And I'm like, why am I talking like this is my second language?

• 1:39:21Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:39:22Speaker 04

  Because that's how other people are talking.

• 1:39:24Speaker 03

  I've done that in South America too. I did it, but I did it. I like I was talking Spanish. I was like, uh, busay, busay, ohay. It's like.

• 1:39:34Stavros Halkias?

  You're like a seventy eight year old jerky jerky.

• 1:39:40Speaker 04

  I mean, when I go home, I mean, but I had a Boston accent that I've shed. So when I go home, it starts coming out a lot more immediately. Or if I see someone from Boston, but that's my own accent comes back out.

• 1:39:51Stavros Halkias?

  That happens a lot to people where they go back home and it comes out a little bit.

• 1:39:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, but.

• 1:39:54Speaker 03

  You do assimilate when you're around people.

• 1:39:57Stavros Halkias?

  And it is a natural human like mirroring instinct. I mean, that's why people do it is because you're like, you're, if you're enjoying a conversation, you almost, it's like a subconscious way to be like, yeah, we're like the same, you know, whatever. But it is incredibly embarrassing.

• 1:40:11Speaker 03

  Black people, the way they talk is fun.

• 1:40:13Speaker 04

  It is.

• 1:40:14Speaker 03

  That's a fucking awesome. Yo, what's up, man? How you doing? What's going on with you, motherfucker?

• 1:40:19Speaker 04

  It is fun.

• 1:40:19Speaker 03

  Ah, it's the funnest.

• 1:40:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:23Speaker 03

  Yo, motherfucker, your titties out.

• 1:40:25Speaker 04

  What are you talking about?

• 1:40:26Speaker 03

  Buy your titties out, motherfucker. You making me horny, motherfucking bitch.

• 1:40:31Speaker 04

  Why can't, why, why are we bleeping? What are you talking about?

• 1:40:33Speaker 03

  Slavaki, motherfucker.

• 1:40:35Speaker 04

  If you bleep, no, you can't bleep because it's gonna make it sound like I said the N word. You gotta leave it in.

• 1:40:40Stavros Halkias?

  We'll put a disclaimer, Joe is not saying the N word.

• 1:40:43Speaker 04

  No, that's, it'll literally sound like I'm saying the N word.

• 1:40:45Speaker 03

  This show stinks. You can't even be black.

• 1:40:51Speaker 04

  Don't bleep that, that's crazy. They'll 100% think I just said the N-word.

• 1:40:57Speaker 03

  You're gonna bleep it like beep beep, so it's...

• 1:40:59Speaker 04

  This episode with the Rolling Stones, they had satisfaction, they, the line was, "I'm trying to make some girl", and they bleeped it on Ed Sullivan. So now everyone thinks they said, "I'm trying to fuck some girl."

• 1:41:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:41:10Speaker 04

  I did not say the N-word.

• 1:41:11Stavros Halkias?

  No one accused you of it.

• 1:41:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, but they're gonna think that if I'm like, "Yeah, sometimes I talk like a black person", and then it goes, "Boo!" How could they come to any other conclusion?

• 1:41:21Speaker 03

  Yeah. It looks like your mother in the word bigger.

• 1:41:23Stavros Halkias?

  We will be putting, we'll definitely be bleeping that.

• 1:41:28Stavros Halkias?

  We will be putting a disclaimer that says, uh, that says, "Joe didn't say it."

• 1:41:34Speaker 03

  If you don't like people doing character work.

• 1:41:38Stavros Halkias?

  I know. Are you back in the actor's studio, Bob? Is that what it feels like?

• 1:41:41Speaker 03

  You rat motherfucker.

• 1:41:43Speaker 04

  We're to bleep that?

• 1:41:45Stavros Halkias?

  That can stay.

• 1:41:45Speaker 03

  That can stay.

• 1:41:46Speaker 04

  Why was so bad of a mind?

• 1:41:48Speaker 03

  Because you're a motherfucker.

• 1:41:49Stavros Halkias?

  Now we have to, because you don't want it so bad. I was mostly joking before.

• 1:41:53Speaker 04

  Oh, jeez. Don't bleep it, Elvis. Funny stuff.

• 1:41:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think she's fine, but you gotta just...

• 1:42:00Stavros Halkias?

  You just have to be aware. I don't even know what advice we can give somebody like this.

• 1:42:02Speaker 03

  Aware, is that's it. You're aware of it, you feel like a douche, and you'll stop doing it.

• 1:42:07Stavros Halkias?

  Every time you cringe, you just internalize that, remember that feeling, and try and stay away from it.

• 1:42:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, one of those callers where somebody presses the button.

• 1:42:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 1:42:15Speaker 03

  Or stop going into the city, go back to your, you know, Hampton.

• 1:42:17Stavros Halkias?

  Go back with the people you belong with.

• 1:42:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, your roots.

• 1:42:20Stavros Halkias?

  This is the problem. This is an easy way to tell you where you're not, where you shouldn't be.

• 1:42:27Stavros Halkias?

  Give us, give us another one. I know Joe's itching to get out of here.

• 1:42:29Speaker 04

  I'm not just gonna get out of here, I just wanna make sure, you know, nothing's falling apart over there. But I haven't heard from any of them, any of them.

• 1:42:35Stavros Halkias?

  They're gone.

• 1:42:36Speaker 04

  There's only one person.

• 1:42:38Stavros Halkias?

  Your son has a phone now. Hit us with another one, Elvis.

• 1:42:43Speaker 07

  So a little background, I'm a twenty-eight-year-old guy living in Philly. I've been in the dating scene for the last, I don't know, six to seven years and I've gotten into nothing long-term, just kind of situationship that's fizzled out. Um, I've been doing pretty well for myself besides the fact, but I'm looking to get into something serious down the line for sure. And my most recent and current situationship is with my cousin's best friend who I've known for most of my life. And we actually have a great time together. She's down to have sex whenever, so like same libido, always down to check out new food spots. Very caring, very giving, just an all-around nice girl. Uh, the only catch is she's thirty-eight, so she has about ten years on me. Which isn't that big of a deal, um, and you know, on the one hand, I'm like really enjoying our time together.

• 1:43:29Speaker 07

  I could potentially see myself dating her or someone like her. Um, but on the other hand, the age gap is kind of preventing me from wanting to go further with it. Uh, I want kids one day and I don't know, given she's late thirties, if that's something she's even considering anymore. And, uh, most of my, the women I've been with in the past and dated, um, previously were younger than me and that's just something I'm keeping in mind. Uh, so, do you think I should continue seeing her and letting it play out the way it played out? Or kind of cut it off and start getting serious about dating more intentionally for something long-term? Um, I'd love to hear your thoughts here, guys. Uh, thanks again. Love the show.

• 1:44:08Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I mean, it, both of his questions, the, neither option was, should I stay with her? He was like, should I cut it, should I continue this and see, you know, whatever? Or should I just cut it off and date more intentionally for somebody I like? It sounded like every, he likes everything about this person.

• 1:44:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, and she's thirty-eight, you don't have to, she's gonna die of cervical cancer anyways. I mean, she's not gonna be around for enough, you know, something's gonna happen to this old broad. You don't have to worry about getting her pregnant either. Just dump right in her, nothing's coming out of that.

• 1:44:39Speaker 03

  I mean, enjoy yourself until something happens to her and she gets to go to the hospital and move on. And then, uh, and then get yourself a young girl and have a baby with that.

• 1:44:50Stavros Halkias?

  With that.

• 1:44:52Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's not a ten years, whatever. I mean, you can, if you like this person, basically, I do think, though, you, you need to decide if you're gonna pursue something serious with her or move on, cuz you shouldn't just stay casual with her, I don't think. I mean, you should check in and see how she, she might be fine with it, actually. I don't know. I'm projecting that she'd be mad, but she might not want kids. She might just wanna date casually.

• 1:45:17Speaker 03

  She can't have, I mean, she's thirty. Do you understand?

• 1:45:19Stavros Halkias?

  I will, you just have a kid in your.

• 1:45:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, my, my wife is forty-seven. We have a two-year-old.

• 1:45:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, but how, how, how long did it take?

• 1:45:27Speaker 04

  It took us a long time and a lot of money, but you, but now you could do IVF. You give your shots in your asshole.

• 1:45:32Stavros Halkias?

  I was IVF as well.

• 1:45:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're an IVF kid, so there, there's time.

• 1:45:36Speaker 03

  There's time and a lot of money. You gotta fucking Frankenstein that pussy.

• 1:45:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:45:41Speaker 03

  There's a lot of shit you gotta do.

• 1:45:43Speaker 04

  But you can still get pregnant at thirty-eight. It's, you know, it's.

• 1:45:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you gotta risk the fucking a hair lip coming out on the kid. Sneeze. Hi, Dad.

• 1:45:50Stavros Halkias?

  I think old jizz has a lot to do with that, actually.

• 1:45:52Speaker 03

  No, jizz, no, jizz, jizz is fine.

• 1:45:55Speaker 04

  I don't think that's true.

• 1:45:56Stavros Halkias?

  Al Pacino has a fucking kid. How's he doing cognitively?

• 1:46:01Speaker 03

  It's always the, it's always the chick's eggs.

• 1:46:04Speaker 04

  It is, the eggs are horrible. Old jizz is good, dude.

• 1:46:07Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know that that's true.

• 1:46:09Speaker 03

  It's absolutely true. Look it up. Jizz is good.

• 1:46:12Speaker 04

  I don't think it's fucking delicious.

• 1:46:14Speaker 03

  Guys having babies in their sixties.

• 1:46:15Speaker 04

  Jizz is perfect going down. It's warm. I love swallowing it, but no.

• 1:46:20Stavros Halkias?

  Elvis, anything from the medical community?

• 1:46:22Speaker 07

  I searched, does jizz go bad by age? And it says, yes, jizz semen quality declines with age. Not in the sense that it spoils, but in its fertility parameters, sperm quality just decreases after a man's thirties.

• 1:46:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, now talk about that egg. See what happens with that.

• 1:46:37Speaker 04

  No, but ten years is a chunk, for sure.

• 1:46:41Stavros Halkias?

  But if it was the flip side, I don't think, you know, if he's thirty-eight, she's twenty-eight, he wouldn't be thinking about it.

• 1:46:46Speaker 04

  That's true. Well, yeah, you gotta worry, he's worried about her body.

• 1:46:49Speaker 03

  You just gotta start enjoying hikes and like old lady, like old middle-aged women shit, walking dogs.

• 1:46:56Speaker 04

  You gotta look at her mother. What does her mother look like? Is she decrepit? Is she fat? Is she old? Is she fit? Cuz if she's staying fit, my wife is forty-seven. She's as hot as she's ever been. She's in great shape, fucking.

• 1:47:09Stavros Halkias?

  It's great.

• 1:47:10Speaker 03

  Don't look at the mom. Don't, it's gonna scare the shit out of you.

• 1:47:14Stavros Halkias?

  It could be good. Or if the mother's dead, stay with her, because what Bobby said, she'll be dead soon, bad genes. But I think, first of all, also, it's like, go with the feeling, the love.

• 1:47:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:47:26Stavros Halkias?

  Some of these people are lunatics. You gotta hear what Stavros thinks. Do you like being with her? She's fucking you, she's fun, she's nice, you're attracted to her.

• 1:47:35Speaker 03

  The only catch is age. You're asking a guy who has no girl, who hangs out with a giant, what you should do with your relationship.

• 1:47:41Stavros Halkias?

  I'm very wise, Robert.

• 1:47:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, wise ass.

• 1:47:46Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, there's no fucking.

• 1:47:49Speaker 04

  Should we bleep it?

• 1:47:52Speaker 04

  Pussy.

• 1:47:53Stavros Halkias?

  Keep all his voices in. See if I give a fuck.

• 1:47:57Speaker 04

  Voices are big. Will Yorgos like the voices?

• 1:48:01Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think so. I don't think that's his speed. Shit.

• 1:48:04Speaker 03

  Who?

• 1:48:04Speaker 04

  I gotta get in with Yorgos.

• 1:48:06Stavros Halkias?

  I'll put a good word in for you.

• 1:48:07Speaker 03

  I think, you having a good time with an older woman, enjoy yourself.

• 1:48:12Stavros Halkias?

  He's 38, he's not that old.

• 1:48:14Speaker 04

  He's older.

• 1:48:14Speaker 03

  He's what?

• 1:48:15Stavros Halkias?

  He's 28.

• 1:48:15Speaker 04

  He's 25% older than him.

• 1:48:17Stavros Halkias?

  But a 38-year-old's not that old.

• 1:48:19Speaker 04

  33% older.

• 1:48:20Speaker 03

  38 going into 40, it's a different, it's a different world. They, she wants to do different things.

• 1:48:27Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know that's necessarily true.

• 1:48:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, how old are you?

• 1:48:29Stavros Halkias?

  I'm 36.

• 1:48:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude, you don't know. You've never been 38.

• 1:48:33Stavros Halkias?

  You could date my wife.

• 1:48:34Speaker 03

  You've never been with a 38-year-old.

• 1:48:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:48:37Speaker 03

  You've never been with a 38-year-old.

• 1:48:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, I have.

• 1:48:39Speaker 03

  You have?

• 1:48:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Actually, when I was younger, ironically enough.

• 1:48:42Speaker 03

  You were molested?

• 1:48:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was 38. I was 7. No, when I first moved to New York, I actually, like, I went on a couple, you know, briefly dated and hooked up with a 37-year-old, I think. But, but the thing is.

• 1:48:56Speaker 03

  It's a different date, though.

• 1:48:57Stavros Halkias?

  But, no. It was fun, she was cool.

• 1:49:00Speaker 03

  She's gotta take naps.

• 1:49:01Stavros Halkias?

  She was cool. She, she was just like, what am I doing fucking some dumb, you know?

• 1:49:04Speaker 03

  But didn't she go to bed earlier than you?

• 1:49:06Stavros Halkias?

  No, no. Dude, especially.

• 1:49:09Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck are we talking about? We're all old. This woman is not that fucking old. They, they're aligned on everything. I don't think 10 years, if, what you're saying, the love is there, if you feel like a real connection to this person, that's so much harder. Finding that is so much harder than finding, you know, someone who's like 25.

• 1:49:25Speaker 03

  And she wants to get down whenever you want to get down?

• 1:49:27Speaker 04

  Well, that's because she's at that age.

• 1:49:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, do it.

• 1:49:29Speaker 04

  Women, women peak later.

• 1:49:30Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:49:31Speaker 04

  38 is like the height of their sexual.

• 1:49:33Speaker 03

  I say stay, enjoy yourself, have some wine and some whatever fruit juice she has to have in the morning. Just take your vitamins.

• 1:49:42Speaker 04

  Make sure she's staying fit.

• 1:49:44Speaker 03

  Yeah. And spry. Not like a, not like a fat 38 year old.

• 1:49:47Stavros Halkias?

  No. Well, no, I'm serious though, because you don't want to be, when you're 68, what kind of 78 is she gonna be? But we don't know what this guy, this guy must be a, might be a fat piece of shit too, you know what I mean?

• 1:49:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, probably.

• 1:49:58Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that's what I'm saying is that, and also the age curve is better for women than men. Men age worse, you know what I mean?

• 1:50:04Speaker 03

  That's not true.

• 1:50:04Speaker 04

  What are you talking about?

• 1:50:05Speaker 03

  Are you stupid?

• 1:50:05Stavros Halkias?

  Men die earlier than women.

• 1:50:07Speaker 03

  No, they don't, they age way better.

• 1:50:09Stavros Halkias?

  I, you're right, I mean.

• 1:50:10Speaker 04

  Physically, they age better.

• 1:50:11Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I mean, like, the health outcomes are better for women older, is what I'm saying.

• 1:50:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, right.

• 1:50:17Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, my thing would, would be, if you really like this person, don't let the age stop you necessarily. You have to have a conversation with her, it's like, what does she want? Because she might, because he says he wants kids, right? She might just never want kids, and that's actually the deal breaker, it's not the age.

• 1:50:34Speaker 03

  She's at the age where she's like, 100% where women are like, I don't think I'm gonna do it. You know, it's hard anymore. A lot of women are like, eh.

• 1:50:41Stavros Halkias?

  Not with IVF, I mean, we're literally, again, literally Joe's wife had a child in 45.

• 1:50:45Speaker 03

  But I'm saying mentally, where girls are like, eh, because that, to go through what she, you have to really want to have a baby. Back in the day, you just, you know, you, you would have it, you'd just, when you're younger, you can have a baby, it's not a thing.

• 1:50:57Stavros Halkias?

  It happens.

• 1:50:57Speaker 03

  It becomes a thing in their head later in life.

• 1:51:00Stavros Halkias?

  I guess I would say, either way, have a conversation with her about what she's looking for in a relationship. I would, I, I don't think it disqualifies her from like, you ending up with this person, but it does make, the clock is ticking on the decision.

• 1:51:13Speaker 03

  It is.

• 1:51:14Stavros Halkias?

  Because if, if, if she wants something serious and you're like, maybe I'll just date her for fun, and you kind of waste some of her, you know, the, some of the best, the fourth quarter, it is the fourth quarter for her dating. Well, not even, people date later, but.

• 1:51:27Speaker 03

  You're gonna have to throw that egg out because it's been in the fridge for a week and a half.

• 1:51:30Stavros Halkias?

  You have to do the float test with her eggs. Does it go to the top? Throw it out.

• 1:51:37Speaker 03

  I would say dumping her, and if she has a baby, stay with her.

• 1:51:41Stavros Halkias?

  You know what? Fine. Who fucking cares?

• 1:51:43Speaker 04

  I would say the exact opposite.

• 1:51:44Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:51:45Speaker 04

  Dumping her. If she gets pregnant.

• 1:51:50Speaker 03

  You know what? I say the same thing.

• 1:51:52Speaker 04

  Get out. Believe me, I'm falling asleep over here. I'm dying. My life is a nightmare.

• 1:51:58Speaker 03

  I gotta piss so bad.

• 1:51:59Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta piss, Bob?

• 1:52:00Speaker 03

  This is a really fancy apartment.

• 1:52:02Stavros Halkias?

  Let's do one more, LD, and then we'll have little Robert piss.

• 1:52:05Speaker 07

  Well, it is. It is Thanksgiving and all. Let's reflect on, you know, something to be thankful for.

• 1:52:10Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:52:11Speaker 07

  Very heartfelt final note from one of our callers.

• 1:52:14Stavros Halkias?

  Wonderful. I'm excited.

• 1:52:16Speaker 07

  Hey, Stav, Eldis, esteemed guests or guests. Uh, this isn't a question. It's more of an appreciation, uh, call. My wife and I have, um, gone through a bunch of miscarriages, IVF, all that fun stuff, and are still going through it. Most recently, sorry, we lost a daughter at nineteen weeks.

• 1:52:39Speaker 07

  Which was really awful, but I have found a lot of, uh, solace in your podcast. It's really helped me out. Became a Patreon member. Couldn't get enough. All that fun stuff.

• 1:52:53Speaker 07

  With that, I kind of started quoting you around the, the house a little bit to dig, well, you know, Stav saying that the, the, you know, the road to success is paved with L's. So, you know, the, the more of these that we get through, the closer we are to our end goal. And it also helped my wife to the point that we're now referencing you in the house. Like yesterday, I was so proud. She's like, well, Stav said, you know, IVF isn't a sure bet. Or something like that. And I think it was actually Eldis, but the point being she's now, you know, uh, a Stav fan. To the point that she said, you know, oh, if he ever comes around to, uh, we're in Philly, if he ever comes to Philly, you know, I do see him. And I'm like, oh, hell yeah. And then for my birthday, which just recently happened, uh, she got me one thing. We're not huge on like celebrating birthdays. We go out and do like dinners instead, whatever.

• 1:53:39Speaker 07

  She said, hey, I hope you like this. You know what I got you? It was the, the Stavi Faye yogurt shirt. And I was like, whoa, like you've come full circle. You're now a, uh, I'm like a. A god in our house essentially, so I just wanted to say thank you for making me laugh and making her laugh through all this shit and actually giving out solid advice. Um, and all that. So just wanted to say thank you guys for everything and uh, keep it up. Thank you.

• 1:54:07Speaker 04

  Hell yeah, man. Thank you. That's, that was way more earnest than I was expecting.

• 1:54:11Speaker 03

  That was uncomfortable.

• 1:54:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:54:13Speaker 03

  Fuck are we doing?

• 1:54:14Speaker 04

  I was like, I'm gonna nail this guy and he's like, we just lost a baby.

• 1:54:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, Jesus Christ. We're having a blast. Why don't you bleep that? Fucking made me sad.

• 1:54:28Speaker 04

  No, he's doing good. They're doing good.

• 1:54:32Speaker 03

  I like when I quote you around the house. I thought he was gonna say, I love ham. He actually said a great quote. Life is paid with a lot of L's. What? Shut the f- You didn't say that.

• 1:54:43Speaker 04

  I did.

• 1:54:44Speaker 03

  No, Matthew McConaughey said that.

• 1:54:45Speaker 04

  No, L's.

• 1:54:47Speaker 03

  L's, losses.

• 1:54:48Speaker 04

  Oh, why'd you say losses? The road to, the road to a win is, is littered with L's. That's what I-

• 1:54:53Speaker 03

  What L have you had?

• 1:54:55Speaker 04

  Plenty.

• 1:54:55Speaker 03

  You've skyrocketed. You've skyrocketed. You fatso met me at Magoob's and I fucking introduced you to everybody and you flew past me.

• 1:55:03Speaker 04

  I know. I have a fan letter for him. He's got Emma Stone on his shoulders at a fucking, at the Cannes Film Festival.

• 1:55:10Speaker 03

  He's got three homes. We're in a fucking luxury apartment. He's in a turkey outfit with tits. What the fuck L have you fucking had, you asshole?

• 1:55:18Speaker 04

  It's been a good couple of years.

• 1:55:19Speaker 03

  I live in a split level rich!

• 1:55:21Speaker 04

  Fucking terrible.

• 1:55:24Speaker 03

  You fucking asshole. Fucking you wanna talk L's? You're looking at two of them right here.

• 1:55:29Speaker 04

  I don't know. The greatest filmmaker of a generation just called me out of the blue. Asked if I wanted to be friends with the biggest movie star of all time.

• 1:55:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:55:38Speaker 04

  Oh wow, that's cool.

• 1:55:39Speaker 03

  I thought my weight was keeping, I thought me being fat was keeping me from parts. This fatso's skyrocketing to success.

• 1:55:46Speaker 04

  I'm like, oh, that's a great story.

• 1:55:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. Fucking L's.

• 1:55:49Speaker 04

  It's like FaceTiming with my biggest crush.

• 1:55:52Speaker 03

  Let me tell you something. A lot of W's and one L is the way to success. That's his quote.

• 1:56:00Stavros Halkias?

  All right, that does feel like a good place to end. Taking a beating from your loved ones on Thanksgiving. I love you guys. Thanks for being here. You're the best.

• 1:56:09Speaker 03

  Thanks for the plugs, by the way.

• 1:56:10Stavros Halkias?

  Two of the best, two of the funniest guys in the world. Watch all their stuff. Look, go see them live. They're in your town. And we will talk to you guys next time. Bye bye. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

• 1:56:21Speaker 03

  Forty-seven!

• 1:56:33Speaker 07

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• 1:57:02Speaker 00

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up Inc.