#621 - Andrew Santino

Andrew Santino is a stand-up comedian, podcaster and actor. His new special “White Noise” is streaming now on Hulu, and you can also check out his shows “Bad Friends”, “Whiskey Ginger” and “No Bad Lies”. Andrew returns to the show to talk about visiting the middle east with Bobby Lee, what the future holds for gingers, and holding onto friendships as the world gets more disconnected. Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Prize Picks: Play $5 & get $50 in lineups, win or lose with code THEO. https://prizepicks.onelink.me/ivHR/THEO Shopify: Go to http://shopify.com/theo to build start building your business. ShipStation: Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a 60 day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/theo Acorns: Go to http://acorns.com/theo to get your $20 bonus investment today. Perplexity AI: Ask anything at https://pplx.ai/theo and download their new web browser Comet at https://comet.perplexity.ai/ ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 0:30Theo Von?

  There are some new things in the merch shop I want to let you know about. We got the tour merch. If you were unable to come to one of the cities, if you were unable to grab a piece of tour merch then and you want to get something, we've put whatever we have remaining there online. We also have some new Mmm, Bubby tees that have been restocked and we've got hoodies coming on those, some Camo Gang, Hitter Hunt Club, a lot of new items in there. And, um, and thank you so much. Some people are getting, um, gifts for their friends or family for Christmas. So, thank you for letting us be a part of your holidays and thanks for supporting the

• 1:13Theo Von?

  show, theovonstore.com. Thank you, guys. Today's guest is a comedian. He's an actor. He's a podcaster. You know him from Whiskey Ginger and Bad Friends. He has a new special, White Noise, that's out on Hulu right now. Today's guest is my friend, Mr. Andrew Santino.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  What's up?

• 1:54Theo Von?

  Good to see you, man.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  Great to see you, bro. So good to see you. How are you feeling?

• 1:59Theo Von?

  I'm feeling good, man. I'm feeling good, dude. What's going on? I don't have to tour anymore.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  You're done.

• 2:05Theo Von?

  So.

• 2:06Speaker 02

  For how long?

• 2:07Theo Von?

  We might have to re-tape my special, but, uh...

• 2:10Speaker 02

  You want to talk about it on the show?

• 2:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  I'm curious as fuck.

• 2:14Theo Von?

  Are you?

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Big time.

• 2:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm totally okay talking about it.

• 2:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I want to know.

• 2:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, well, so, uh, yeah, what do you want to know?

• 2:21Speaker 02

  So like, you know, all I saw was what I saw on the internet of the taping. And then I texted you and I was like, how are you? Are you good? What's going on?

• 2:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:29Speaker 02

  Because the internet likes to drum up nonsense.

• 2:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  And you texted me some love back and I just want to know how it went or what was the deal? Like, what was going on? You know?

• 2:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, I mean, well, when we left out of there that night, we thought like it went pretty good.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  You felt good after it?

• 2:45Theo Von?

  Yeah, I felt, I was like, I don't know if we got it because there was definitely some hangups. It was like, I mean, there was a lot of stress like going into it, you know? And I don't, I don't know, I don't know if I want to go super down that road, but like there had been, I switched off my medicine because I wanted to have a little bit more emotional, like a storyline. Kind of, I wanted to be able to like, kind of connect a little bit more in some moments.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:05Theo Von?

  Um, and I was having trouble having any feelings because of, uh, antidepressants.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:12Theo Von?

  It was just hard. It's like you try to get a feeling and it kind of stalls at it, like it's stuck in the mud, you know?

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:18Theo Von?

  Um, so that was kind of one thing. And then like the government put out this DHS video that made me really scared.

• 3:25Speaker 02

  The, the immigration video?

• 3:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 3:27Speaker 02

  Talk about pulling that out of context. They're so good at that. They just took something that had nothing to do with something else, you making a joke. And then they're like, he's our spokesperson. You're like, what? I didn't sign up for that.

• 3:39Theo Von?

  Bro, and so I just got so much like hate stuff. I mean, a lot of it I didn't see, but I would just see enough where it was like, fuck, this is scary. And that Charlie Kirk thing had happened not, I think a couple of weeks before. And so I started just getting real paranoid.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:52Theo Von?

  You know?

• 3:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:53Theo Von?

  I started getting real paranoid at home. I was paranoid about the show, like if there could be somebody in the audience, you know, like?

• 3:59Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:59Theo Von?

  It just like, I think it made me really scared, to be honest with you.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:03Theo Von?

  And, um... Yeah, so that was happening and then uh there was just kind of too many cooks in the kitchen on this set. And then during it, um, yeah, I was just like, I think my uh, like I just had too mu- it was just, it was all kind of too much to, I think, get the show off as best as I could. And so that's all I left there thinking. Like, I couldn't remember where the next joke kind of went.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, sure, because it's overwhelming. Yeah, I think people don't know that. I think I've said that a hundred times is like, I always quote Dan Soder. Soder always goes like when someone says, oh, I didn't like, I, I like Theo more this way than the special or whatever or that. But it's because like with this, you're getting it straight from the tap. He's like, you're getting it right. You're drinking out of the hose like you're a kid. Like this is drinking out of the hose and podcast world and, and internet world.

• 4:56Theo Von?

  And live stand up.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, then when you do, when you do a taped special, there's so many more elements that go into it that I, people have no idea. Dude, I was changing when I taped this last one I did for Hulu.

• 5:06Theo Von?

  White noise, yeah?

• 5:07Speaker 02

  White noise. I changed ten different things from the, to the, on the second to last show. Cause I was tripping. I was freaking out. I mean, and I, Zach Townsend, who, who's a great comic who opens for me. Yeah, you know Zach from Nashville? Yeah.

• 5:19Theo Von?

  He's great.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  And Zach was helping me kind of rewrite some stuff to like tighten it up and cut the fat and, because I was bummed about a few of the jokes that I told, they didn't hit the way they did when I was touring. And then it gets in your head and then I'm sitting backstage kind of having, you know, this moment of like, do I just not do that joke? He was like, no, that's a great joke, but I think it's hard to get that confidence back when you, you feel overwhelmed. They don't really feel it as much as you do.

• 5:41Theo Von?

  No, they don't know. And there should be a meter that they see that lets you know.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  How I feel about this shit right now and it's just jumping up and down. Yeah. And, and they could honestly, they could tell you're like, look, I'm feeling, this is like a four and a half right now. It was a six in Des Moines, but now I don't know.

• 5:57Theo Von?

  But that's the worst when you get in your head about, because after the first one, you're like, now what do I change? Anytime you get to like the, you're standing at the finish line kind of, and you're like, what do I adjust? But you've been around the whole track with all these jokes. Oh dude.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  It's hard. You know what? Sometimes it feels like, especially when a joke you think was really good. You know how some NFL players get in trouble because they drop the ball before they cross the goal line? I feel like I was doing that a little bit because I wasn't committing to the joke because I was unsure of the way that the, you know, a tag came in or the punchline snapped. And then so I started to doubt myself. But that's so natural because TVs are, because TV cameras are up. So your brain does a thing that it doesn't do live. Live, you fly so free. It doesn't matter. You know what I mean? That's me. Yeah. Dropping the ball before I get in the head zone. But I did it on like two or three jokes. And then the last taping, Zach kind of reinstilled some confidence in me and was like, dude, just cut it out.

• 6:48Theo Von?

  That was nice of him to say that.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, he helped me out a lot. He helped me out a lot. I, like, I think if you don't have people with you and your, in your team of, whether it's features or hosts or friends or producers or directors, whoever, to kind of give you that extra, dude, you're good, you're good. It gets hard. And sometimes there's too many cooks. Sometimes you're like, I know how to make this meal, man. You gotta leave me alone.

• 7:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:08Speaker 02

  But when you need it, you need it. I think the more open we are to the audiences about that, the better off it is because the criticism is higher than it's ever been for specials and for live taping, for tapings, I mean. And I think when you come clean about what it is, what affected you and the reality of it, the more loving they get around it because this is, it's just a difficult task to film something. You're trying to capture lightning in a bottle. And the greats do it often because they're the, the reason that Louis does it so well is because Louis is the, in my opinion, the greatest to ever do it.

• 7:38Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  So yeah, he captures lightning very well. It's really hard. I'm trying, I'm out there with a kite and a key, but it's tough to get it, dude. It's really hard.

• 7:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  And we do the best that we can, delivering after we've already toured this thing a ton. And sometimes you over perfect it. You know, you want to pinch this and change that and turn this here and push this in front of this. And then at some point, you have to let it go. But I was concerned in the fact that I, you know, you're one, you're one of my oldest friends in comedy. And I just wanted, I wanted you to feel good because I know how it feels sometimes. When I did my half hour with Comedy Central, dude, it was my childhood best friend and my wife, my girlfriend at the time, in the green room. And I got off stage and my best friend was like, bro. And he came, give me the biggest hug. And I go, can you give me like two minutes in the green room with her? Is that okay? And he got out and I just started bawling.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  I thought I tanked.

• 8:31Theo Von?

  No way.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  I just felt the pressure and I let it all go finally.

• 8:35Theo Von?

  Oh dude, now that you say that, I thought my first special after I did it, I was like, I, why did I choose to do it? Like it was, I thought, let's do it at home.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:43Theo Von?

  But people there had never seen comedy, a lot of them.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:46Theo Von?

  There was a lot of like LSU Tiger fans. There was like some lady like yelling defense the whole fucking show. I'm not even joking dude.

• 8:52Speaker 02

  Cover two, cover two in the middle of your joke.

• 8:55Theo Von?

  People had no fucking idea how to act. People were just yelling shit out like, tell the story, you know?

• 9:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:01Theo Von?

  It was just, and you know, so that was a fucking hectic. And I remember getting through that and being like, God, this is a, that was a, it was, that was hell.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  It's, it's hard, but I, like, I wanted to know you were good when I hit you because I wanted to know that everything was okay. And, you know, people have their own opinions on the internet of what went down, which is like that video that circulated of you talking to the fans after the show.

• 9:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, that was crazy. And I don't even really remember it, you know?

• 9:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, because you're, you're, you're running hot at the end of a show. You're not really paying attention to anything.

• 9:29Theo Von?

  I think somebody had kept kind of bothering me a little bit. I want to say bother because people came to the show, but someone was being aggressive, kept asking me for something like, will you do, will you do that? Can you do this thing? Can you make me a video? And I, I feel like I was like, look lady, I'm just trying to take my own life. Okay? It's been a tough couple of months or whatever. You know, that's the only place I can imagine that I would kind of say something like that. Or if I was just kind of said it flippantly or something, but I was trying to think of like, what retort? Cause it's not like I was like, hey guys, it's, I'm just trying not to take my own life. It's been a cup, it's been a tough couple of months. It's not like I was making a speech like that to somebody. But yeah, we left out of there and we thought like, oh shit, everything's good.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:10Theo Von?

  I think we got it. Um, let's wait and see in the edit. We went out to some country bar. We had a great time. Uh, Glenny Balls was there. My buddy Aaron was there. Um, and then we wake up in the morning and there was just like a ton of shit online.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:25Theo Von?

  And, uh, and I was like, I just can't even deal with all this. It made me learn a lot about online. And I didn't even look at it. Like, I didn't even look at any of that stuff. And I haven't looked at any of the articles. One of them popped up when I was scrolling. Um, it was like the Obama's Netflix or something, which wasn't even true. It was just like, uh, and there were moments during the show was like, look, I was, I'm just having a tough time, you know? Like, I remember I went out there on stage and my mouth immediately got extremely dry. And I was like, oh, man, something is wrong.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  Anxiety. You're, you're, you're excited and nervous about doing something so important to you.

• 10:58Theo Von?

  It, it, that hadn't happened this whole time, like, you know? And I was like, I can't go to my stool and get water right now. I just walked on stage like they're clapping. I can't fucking take a break already, you know, like.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  They're like, didn't you get water backstage, man? You're like, there's no water back there, man. We keep it all on the stool. We don't, we don't, we don't got it back there, brother. It's only on the stool.

• 11:17Theo Von?

  Like that guy that shits when he gets right to work, dude.

• 11:20Speaker 02

  Right. The moment he walks in the door.

• 11:21Theo Von?

  Oh, that.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  I gotta shit right away. That's what it feels. I think it's, I think it's an overwhelming feeling that cannot be articulated. I'm not smart enough to do it, but I do know what that feels like as a comic. But are you, so what are you gonna do now? You feel like you wanna take that?

• 11:35Theo Von?

  I ju- I literally, oh, yesterday they just sent me another cut of like, I gave them some notes on a cut.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:40Theo Von?

  They're sending me another cut. It might be fine. So we had two good halves.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:45Theo Von?

  So I'm looking to see, but then also like there's some, I just wanted to have a little bit more of a story to it, which was the reason I was trying to have a little bit more feeling and emotion so I could kind of like, have a little bit more storyline in there, um, about like growing up and life and a little, you know? And maybe that's me was, I was trying to do too much. I don't know, but, um, you start to realize that these are kind of, uh, they're kind of like photo albums for. You know, your time and um, or time you've spent with this material. I mean, Neil Brennan said to me right for the show, he goes, hey, man, this will be the last time you maybe ever do this material. So go out and have a great time with it. Enjoy it. You know, take your time with it. Get the, you know,

• 12:28Theo Von?

  these are things that have brought you close to people and that have brought people out and, and, and hopefully sometimes made people laugh. And so, it was just like, there was just a lot going on, dude. There was, and I was just like, there's just, I think I was just spreading myself too thin. I don't know. It's just a lot of shit. And I just don't know if I landed it as well as I would have liked to. Um, but we had to restart a couple of times. There was like a thing where I was like directing in my head because I wasn't um, getting like certain information. I was like, well, if the stool was here in the first one, does it need to be there in the second one? And where do I put it when I move it? Just little things like that. And then they had like five extra people that didn't need to be there.

• 13:10Theo Von?

  It was like they would radio and it would just go to the person right next to him. And I was like, we're living in a fucking.

• 13:17Theo Von?

  I almost thought it was a fucking, somebody was playing a prank on me. And then they uh, I'd just gotten a security guy. So this, there's this fucking guy who was just fucking. I mean, you could put a coal, piece of coal in his hand in the morning and you'd have a fucking.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  Diamond when it comes out?

• 13:33Theo Von?

  Or you'd have a fucking piece of coal that looked like it had a grill on it.

• 13:38Theo Von?

  At least by the afternoon, like a fucking tough guy. And uh, he'd been like stopping some of my friends. I just didn't even, everything was just kind of like a lot.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  But would you, where'd you find this guy? By the way, I'm always fascinated with security guards.

• 13:51Theo Von?

  Um, we found a guy, somebody in Nashville set us up with a guy that was there.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  Like a military, ex-military?

• 13:57Theo Von?

  I think so. Maybe cop, fire department, FBI, undercover cop.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  Local mall security.

• 14:02Theo Von?

  High school narc.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  I'm just gonna get a guy that did ROTC in college. I don't even want.

• 14:08Theo Von?

  That's what I want. I want a guy that did ROTC with that wooden gun. And uses test 200. That's what I want.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. My college roommate, my freshman year, my buddy Evan, he did ROTC and he got kicked out. You know how hard that is? It's impossible. They need you in there. They were like, brother, you're not running in the morning. You're, you're out. You gotta go. And he just stood, he couldn't wake up. He didn't do the exercises and they were like, you're out. And we've almost never kicked anybody out of Arizona State ROTC. They're begging for people. Shout out to Ev. The only guy I know that could get asked to leave ROTC, he was like, I'm just committed. I was like, I don't think so. There he is, spinning guns.

• 14:45Theo Von?

  Well, the crazy is you can tell when an ROTC guy's in the military, because the rest of the guys are like lined up firing at the enemy. And this guy's just fucking whipping his shit in a circle. He's just fucking flipping his shit and buying Camaros online. Dude, all the ROTC guys.

• 15:01Speaker 02

  Camaros or Mustangs? The Camaros or Mustangs? They gotta be, it's either Camaro or it's a 5.0, baby.

• 15:05Theo Von?

  Oh dude, all the ROTC guys in our high school, all they would do was buy these fucking cars, super, like they would buy sometimes. If they could have been a nice Camaro, but every now and then some guy would like get jealous of the guy that had a nice Camaro. And he would get like a piece of shit and just put like a fucking $2,000 engine in that bitch.

• 15:26Theo Von?

  You know that car when you were a kid? If you backed it up, you put it on the ground and backed it up, it like built up energy.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  He had to go forward, yeah. And like a wind up, yeah, that's.

• 15:34Theo Von?

  And then it would just fucking go as fast and just right off, never straight. That was that fucking dude, bro. That, there was just a piece of shit, like look like a, like a recycling bin fucking going at 200 miles an hour. And then they would write the 40 time on the windshield and it was like clutch shit that they would do. And they would put all these like snipers never die and shit tattoos on their arms and they were just in fucking ROTC.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude. They got dreams. That's gonna be my security.

• 16:00Theo Von?

  That's true. That's exactly what you need.

• 16:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:02Theo Von?

  And so that was all scary. And then even just having a security, I mean, every, it was just like, dude, there was so much fucking. I was just dealing with like a lot of like, um, I started to get kind of paranoid. I mean, there was people after that Charlie Kirk thing texting each other like, or you know, stay safe, you know?

• 16:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:18Theo Von?

  So there was just a ton of shit going into it. But we left out of there that night, had a blast, dude.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:23Theo Von?

  You know, and, uh, and thought that we might have, but we'll just look at the tape. And then, um, yeah, then the media just like, you know, fuck them, you know? But not fuck them, but it's like fuck them. They just, you just realize that they're bottom feeders, these websites that create these things and you're like, oh, it's so sad.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  That's what they need. I think that's how they make their money now and the way that we changed, and the way that podcasting kind of changed, uh, daily current media, you know? They kind of copied us, but they took the worst version of it. Where there's way more love coming out of you and this than they give credit for. So they're gonna peel what they want to be the best story. The best story is never gonna be Theo was surrounded by friends and family having a good night. It's gonna be the opposite. You know, nobody wants to read that. No one wants to read, great time with Theo and his friends at the country bar with Glenny Balls. Nobody wants to read that. That's, I mean, that's the unfortunate truth. They want to read the other thing. They want to hear the, the drama. You know, they want the other, the other version that makes them feel a little bit more interested and peaked and that's a bummer.

• 17:25Theo Von?

  And we all do. That's the part of, I even notice like, like with myself, it's like, I needed not, like, what do I give my attention to? You know, when I see things that it's like, oh, this couple split up or this sort of thing. I don't want to give my attention to that. Cause I'm just adding to that thing of like, let me, let me add energy into this or, look who got busted or just shit like that. It's like, I'm just kind of giving some energy into that. Um, if it's super negative, you know?

• 17:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, wash that all away. I think the only thing you could do now, even when there's a lot of negativity, not, you know, whatever in the, in the public sphere, in the comedy sphere, in the whatever it is, I think, you know? I focus on drinking coffee and throwing the ball with my dog every morning. It was like my favorite thing to do in the world. I did that here. I was late because of that. I have, I, I drink a whole pot of coffee in the morning and I play with the dog. And that's my like reset. I don't know, cause there's no. There's nothing going on when that's going on. I leave my phone at the house and I just go for a walk and then go play with her in the backyard.

• 18:24Theo Von?

  Oh, you have a backyard?

• 18:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, we got, we got a little tiny little backyard. In LA, you don't get much, but you know, it's fake grass too, which is, you know what I mean?

• 18:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  I'm not taking care of grass, bro.

• 18:35Theo Von?

  Well, in some of this new grass, it's crab grass or it's that, uh, it's that Chinese stalking grass or whatever it's called?

• 18:42Speaker 02

  That's Bobby Lee's grass, the Chinese stalking grass?

• 18:45Theo Von?

  I don't know.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  That's what he calls it.

• 18:46Theo Von?

  Chinese stalking grass, most likely refers to Chinese silver grass, a species also known as Japanese stilt grass.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  The Japanese stilt grass is much more patient and kind for some reason.

• 18:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, yeah.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  There it is, yeah. I can't, I can't take care of a lawn. You got land? Don't you have land out by you?

• 19:04Theo Von?

  Fuck, no, dude.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  No, you don't have any land?

• 19:06Theo Von?

  I have any fucking.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  I thought you'd have land out by you, dude.

• 19:08Theo Von?

  I'm looking right now to try to just get a little bit more space, but some places it's tough and one place I'm looking at, it's kind of over by the interstate, a little close to the interstate, so it's loud in the yard.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  You don't want that. Get away from there.

• 19:20Theo Von?

  Like have to yell if you're, like if you're at the, you know, talking to somebody, if you're like, do it like.

• 19:25Speaker 02

  You really gotta use your outside voices at a barbecue.

• 19:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 19:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:28Theo Von?

  So it's a lot of that, man, you know, um, so I don't know, I'm looking and it's kind of tough, you know, cause I do like to be able to, uh, podcast from home, that sort of thing.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:37Theo Von?

  And, uh, and, and, and yeah, so it's been a journey and then it's like, you know, sometimes it's like, I'll, I'll, it's like, you know, do I get a house where if I have a family, then we can live, you know, it's like I start to, you know, you get caught in that space where it's like, or do I just get a house for me? But if I do that, am I like locking myself into the, you know, it's like, but then maybe some of that's just overthinking things, you know?

• 20:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. Have you ever thought about doing a compound with friends or family? People come live with you? My man, are you clean? Is your house squeaky clean?

• 20:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  Are you like a neat freak?

• 20:08Theo Von?

  I mean, yeah, I'm pretty organized. I'm not, yeah, my house is clean.

• 20:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think, I think, I'm like, my dad was. Um, the son of a, a, a military man, so shoes can't be out of place.

• 20:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 20:20Speaker 02

  That's like a, I have the sickness. I'm like, just take, put them, put it right there. Like my wife, I'll be like, why, those don't need to be there.

• 20:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  She's like, why do you care? I'm like, I don't know. It's a sickness, dude. It's like, just move them into the, into the other thing. I, I think I've got, that's like my, that's my, uh, my little OCD.

• 20:38Theo Von?

  That's your Vietnam?

• 20:38Speaker 02

  That's my Vietnam, is where are your shoes? Put your shoes over there. That's my Vietnam.

• 20:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  I have flashbacks. Loose laces on the floor and mud, dude, move it.

• 20:46Theo Von?

  Oh, that's my foot Normandy, dude. It really is though.

• 20:50Speaker 02

  And I'm Agent Orange, dude, so you know I'm gonna come down on it.

• 20:53Theo Von?

  Dude, I remember one time a, a fucking van full of ginger people broke down on our street. And we'd never seen like a van full. They didn't have, you know, they didn't have it at the time or whatever.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Right.

• 21:03Theo Von?

  And.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  We weren't allowed in a van for a long time. You know that, right? More than five was a, was a small ginger army.

• 21:07Theo Von?

  Uh-uh.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know, US government restricted more than five redheads at once in a moving vehicle. I think it was, yeah. You could be in packs outside because we're controllable on foot. But in a van, dude?

• 21:18Theo Von?

  Bro, we'd never seen it. And I remember my dad, like four got out and he was fucking, you could hear his fucking temperature rising, dude. You could hear his fucking neck straighten a little, like, yeah.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  What are you doing here, boys?

• 21:30Theo Von?

  Dude.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  Keep it moving.

• 21:31Theo Von?

  And then five and then six. They had one that was like kinda weak or whatever and he got out at the end.

• 21:36Speaker 02

  We leave him in the back. Yeah, you gotta. The smallest one must take up the rear because he's gotta protect from the back and he's got to be one of the first that could go. Yeah, ginger's traveling in packs is a dangerous, dangerous thing. You know, we don't really see each other like that. You know, like, we don't. When I see another redhead, there was a redheaded girl yesterday working this event that we were at and she was like, my brother. And I said, let's take it easy, because I don't know if you're an enemy or a friend yet. You know, a regular person I meet on the street, hey, how you doing? Another redhead, I go, I'd like to see the resume first.

• 22:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Before I let you into my space. Because I don't know what kinda ginger they are. There's different levels.

• 22:08Theo Von?

  Really? Is it really?

• 22:09Speaker 02

  Oh, big time.

• 22:10Theo Von?

  It's almost like black people and that albino guy or whatever? You know, that guy I'm talking about?

• 22:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:15Theo Von?

  That undercover black guy? Bring that guy up.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's gotta be, there's gotta be a vetting process, you know? Like, can the albino black guy, does he say the N-word?

• 22:23Theo Von?

  Bring up a couple albigas.

• 22:26Theo Von?

  Is that a term or not?

• 22:27Speaker 02

  It is now, dude.

• 22:28Theo Von?

  Can we say that or not?

• 22:30Speaker 02

  Look at that, black albino guy with red hair.

• 22:31Theo Von?

  Oh, that's what the fuck is all?

• 22:35Theo Von?

  Bro, that is the future, dude. Bro, take my money, bro.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Whatever he's selling. And I don't know if that's more me or more, if he's more red or more black. I don't know what group he'd go with. I mean, he's invited to the cookout and has to have ring sunscreen, which is wild.

• 22:50Theo Von?

  That's fucking sunlight Jackson, homie. Are you kidding me? Dude, are we getting in trouble for saying Al Biggs?

• 22:57Speaker 02

  I don't know, bro. I don't know. It's vague enough. There's my boy Blake Griffin. He's a black, he's a black redheaded.

• 23:03Theo Von?

  He is.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  But he's, but he is, but he's so handsome and tall and athletic that he kind of wanes away from the ginger side. You know, we're usually pale, see-through and frail.

• 23:13Theo Von?

  Right. He's able to kind of, almost he's above it because of his height.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, he superseded it. Yeah. He's gone above and beyond.

• 23:18Theo Von?

  That's so rare in that community.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  I mean, that is, that is, uh, I mean, that guy still looks, I mean, 2,000 plus black albino person stock photos. Man, they took a lot of pictures of this guy.

• 23:29Theo Von?

  Dude, is this fucking Henry Rollins? I feel like that's fucking, bro, this is basically the albino Henry Rollins. Dude, we're gonna get in so much trouble for making fun of these guys.

• 23:40Speaker 02

  We're not making fun of him. I'm showing some love.

• 23:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're right, actually.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  I'm fascinated when, look, you know what's so funny is that 100% is Henry, back to back. That's him, that's his alter ego.

• 23:49Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, Henry Rollins.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  Oh, Henry Rollins.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  No, dude, I think, uh, when I find red in other places, it's kinda, it makes me feel that we're still around.

• 24:02Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  Cause we're fading fast. I mean, look, you can look it up. How many, they said redheads were gonna be dead by like 2045 or something like that?

• 24:08Theo Von?

  Bring up a batch of them.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a, that's close, dude. That is a little too close for comfort. For me. I don't, I don't wanna be extinct in the next, you know, 20 years. I think redheads will be extinct. 2060, okay, they bumped it up, so we're moving. Oh, it's a false claim. It's debunked. All right, good.

• 24:27Theo Von?

  Widely been debunked by geneticists and scientific organizations, but what do the people think, you know?

• 24:32Speaker 02

  It's more about the street.

• 24:33Theo Von?

  In the early 2000s, the Oxford Hair Foundation circulated a claim that redheads would vanish in the future due to recessive nature of the red hair gene.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  It sounds like a wish more than a thought, yeah, than a hope. I mean, it's that red hair results from mutations. Yeah, the mutant.

• 24:48Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  MC1R gene.

• 24:50Theo Von?

  For someone to have red hair, they must inherit two copies of the variant gene, one from each parent. Because this gene is recessive, many people carry it without having red hair themselves, and it can skip generations before reappearing. Wow.

• 25:01Speaker 02

  I'm a mutant, and I never, yet I've never been booked on any Marvel stuff at all.

• 25:05Theo Von?

  Dude, it's like a fucking Agatha Christie novel, dude. This is crazy, bro. Um, it's amazing. In short, while red hair will likely remain uncommon, it's not going extinct ever. The gene will continue to be passed on quietly through generations, resurfacing whenever two carriers have children.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  It sounds like a

• 25:23Theo Von?

  Romantic.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  Like a romantic murder mystery novel. It says it's quiet, resurfacing whenever two carriers have children. It will resurface.

• 25:31Theo Von?

  I love that. Well, there is something kind of powerful that it's so unique, you know? Um, and if you ever see somebody that has blue eyes and red hair, it definitely feels like they're like

• 25:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, cheering on here. He's, he's got blue eyes and red hair, right?

• 25:45Theo Von?

  Fresh off the tap. It feels like they're right off the tap.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, he came out of this, out of the factory.

• 25:48Theo Von?

  Just, yeah, just like, it feels like they could have salmon swimming upstream in their veins. They feel super clean.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's still, he's still warm from the, you know, he's still warm from being baked. Look at that. He's still warm. See, I've got brown eyes. I've got the Italian side got the brown in my eyes, so I got brown and red. It is.

• 26:05Theo Von?

  It's a dangerous mix.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  Dangerous duo.

• 26:07Theo Von?

  Um, yeah, dude, relaxing is the thing now.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta. You're, you're done touring, no more. You're gonna chill for a little while.

• 26:14Theo Von?

  Yeah, and it's so nice, dude. I've been, I've been going, going to football games. I've been trying to like plan a date and have, and then I'll go on the date, like, or do something like that. Um.

• 26:24Speaker 02

  Are you going on a lot of dates? Are you dating right now or no?

• 26:26Theo Von?

  Ah, dude, I just ran into the most ridiculous thing. So I'm in an airplane, right? And the girl that was working in the airplane was cute, right?

• 26:35Speaker 02

  The flight attendant?

• 26:35Theo Von?

  Yes. And I didn't want to like flirt with her because it's her job. It's a small space, right? But I felt like she kind of like looked at me like a little more than just looking at, I felt like we made, like, it felt like a little bit of a spark when we walked in.

• 26:50Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 26:51Theo Von?

  And

• 26:52Speaker 02

  Did she know who you were?

• 26:53Theo Von?

  I don't know.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Chances are high.

• 26:55Theo Von?

  Maybe.

• 26:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:57Theo Von?

  And she was pretty tall too, so she could see me because she, you know, tall people can see a little bit more. So, anyway, I get on the plane, I sit down and then I'm like, and I don't see her, she's like doing stuff. And then after a while, I was like, well, I gotta go, uh, up there, I'm gonna get a diet coke. So I go up there and while she's making it, she's kind of going a little bit slow and I was like, oh, I was kind of talking to her and stuff. And then, dude, I just, I, fuck dude, what a fucking idiot. I was like, I was like, I said, well, I said, um, you should come to a comedy show sometime, you know, uh, I said, I work as a comedian. Um, if you'd ever want to come to a comedy show.

• 27:37Theo Von?

  Cause we'd had some good conversations, she was asking me some questions back and then she's like, yeah, that sounds great. How, how should I get in touch with you or something or, or I was like, I'll give you my email, right? And I was like, fuck.

• 27:49Speaker 02

  Not a phone number? What are you doing?

• 27:51Theo Von?

  I didn't, well, first of all, I didn't know if it's unprofessional of them on their, like, I didn't know how much you can hit on somebody on a plane. And it's also a very small environment, like if something gets weird or they feel threatened or something, or it's, you know, it's weird.

• 28:04Speaker 02

  It is a little, you're a little too close for comfort. You can't just walk away.

• 28:07Theo Von?

  Right. And we're right there. So anybody could kind of overhear, like it's a small environment, you know, and everybody's quiet. So I just, what if she's like, you don't do that, you just don't know how people are gonna react.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  That's true. But I mean, if you were feeling it, you were feeling it. If she was obviously vibing with you, then you throw her your, the email is, the email creates some separation where you go, this is my professional. If you want to come to a show, email me, you and your friends can come to the show.

• 28:29Theo Von?

  Well, I didn't know if she has marriage or whatever. So I was like, fuck, I don't, I just, I don't know. I'm always afraid, I think if someone is like, married or has a boyfriend that I, I think that is like a big deterrent. And it didn't seem like she did, she didn't have a wedding ring on. And she could just say, I guess I have a boyfriend, but I think there's like, I have like a big, I have like a lot of, I guess, like fear around that part. And so, yeah, I don't know, dude, but this is the fucking worst part. So she's like, I was like, well, just do you have a panic bar? I'll just write it on a napkin at my seat or something. It was, we'd been up there for a while and some fucking Asian woman, right? Was at the bath. She's banging on the fucking bathroom door now and nobody's in there. And I was like, nobody's in there and she fucking couldn't put it all together, right?

• 29:10Theo Von?

  She couldn't. So she's still just standing there waiting and I was like, fuck dude. And now she's right, this Asian lady is like right up against me and she, you know, she's gonna go in there and make a fucking soup or whatever. Those fucking, you get a good Chinese person, they'll fucking make a soup in a fucking. They close off the sink? Yeah. They make it in there. Bro, they'll whip up a fucking, a fucking little bok choy, fucking back chowder. You know, like in an airplane sink in 20 minutes, dude. Yeah. You know, Chinese people, you die walking next to a Chinese friend, they fucking put a pot right there, light it up. They make a soup out of anything. They don't give a fuck, dude. Right. They make soup immediately and they keep it moving. So I'm like, this bitch is trying to get in there to cook. Mm-hmm. You know? That's why she was so anxious. For sure. So I'm trying to get this lady's email and I'm like, and the pen wasn't working good, dude.

• 29:54Theo Von?

  And now a line is building up for a bathroom that's open, right? Something, it's like in this fucking Asian lady, she's wearing like three visors, fucking glasses. She was so fucking Asian, she wasn't even there probably. She probably wasn't even under all the stuff, you know? She probably, you probably had to order online if you actually wanted her to be there, dude. But all the accoutrements and shit were right there. So I'm trying to write the email and the pen isn't working good. And I'm having to write it against like, you know, the plastic in an airplane, it's kind of like, it's not the best writing service you're writing against the wall. Right. That's up by the bathrooms. It's like. Probably textured too. You probably, it's probably bumpy and textured. It was just a lot. So I finally got like four letters of the fucking email.

• 30:37Theo Von?

  But like I kept trying to like etch it into the paper so you could see it if you put it by a light or whatever. I fucking, the time has gotten too long. It's so weird. It's like, hiya, hiya. This lady is fucking just beating on a fucking door. I think the door is even open by now. And she can't figure out that she can just go in there and start a bunsen burner onto the fucking sink, right? Light it up, man. Get it moving. So I finally give the lady the email and it has like four fucking letters on it. It's a. I just went fucking sat down.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  Sat down, that's it? Oh my god.

• 31:08Theo Von?

  It was too hot, the space had gotten too hot up there.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  The stress was heavy.

• 31:12Theo Von?

  What a fucking loser.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  No, it's fine. No, not a loser. You get to keep swinging, that's the best part.

• 31:18Theo Von?

  What, but imagine this, okay, so this guy fucking came on the airplane, he gave me a fucking half of an email address. I should have just left my fingerprints on her back a little bit or something, or just fucking, you know. She was very fair, I should have just written it into her arm with my finger or something.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  Maybe you leave half the email to see how creative she is. Can you figure out the rest? Give her, just like, give a girl four digits instead of seven, see if she can figure it out.

• 31:40Theo Von?

  And then I was just sitting there like, dear god, what a fucking loser.

• 31:45Speaker 02

  And there's a long flight left, too.

• 31:47Theo Von?

  Who gives somebody their email?

• 31:49Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, I mean, you know, maybe she found it creative and cute, maybe it was cute. If she really wanted to hit you up, she could find you. You're findable, dude.

• 31:56Theo Von?

  I know, but it just kinda broke my heart, or it didn't break my heart, but it was just like, dude, what fucking just, what are you doing?

• 32:03Speaker 02

  Just give it to her.

• 32:04Theo Von?

  You're like the guy that runs to third base and then just goes, everyone wants to tell the pitch or something for no reason, like, you know, it's like, just fucking go home. Slide, get to home plate.

• 32:13Speaker 02

  It's open, it was wide open.

• 32:16Theo Von?

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• 32:57Theo Von?

  Win or lose, you'll get 50 bucks in lineups. Use promo code Theo when you download the app and sign up today. I don't know exactly how they'll do, but here are my picks for the week right here. You can tail them in the app and you can even follow me on PrizePix at Theo Von. PrizePix, it's good to be right. You know, I remember a time when I was shopping online and I was getting myself a set of sandals, foot sandals, and I looked up the customer reviews. That's where I'd go. I see, what do people think it is? And it said on there 4.7, bam, bing, I got them. I got them for my feet. I got them sandals. If you run an ecommerce business or you're involved in ecommerce,

• 33:42Theo Von?

  you know that customer reviews have an enormous impact on your business. Customer reviews turned me from a shopper into a buyer. And another thing that turns shoppers into buyers is ShipStation. There's a reason why successful businesses use ShipStation. ShipStation grows with you. Customers report scaling operations up to 40 times with ShipStation. It's time to wow your customers and get rave reviews with cheaper, faster, and better shipping. Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a 60-day free trial at shipstation.com/theo. There's no credit card or contract required and you can cancel at any time.

• 34:27Theo Von?

  That's shipstation.com/theo.

• 34:33Theo Von?

  Um, so anyway, man, that was exciting, dude.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  And now you're just gonna take some time.

• 34:39Theo Von?

  But yeah, I'm taking some time, dude. Yeah, well, it's just nice. It's like the first time where I haven't had like something looming that feels like a lot.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's good.

• 34:47Theo Von?

  You know, that's that, that, that getting out there and touring can feel like a lot, dude. You're doing, we have your, you have the new golf show.

• 34:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, my golf show and then I'm, which I'm coming to a close in this year. We're finishing this season and then finally I get kind of like an open space to just do dates on the road. I'm doing a bunch of like new, working new hour and working out in clubs again. I wanted to go backwards and work in some fun little smaller rooms. Like I'm doing Punch in San Francisco and Tempe Improv. And I just wanted to like do a bunch of like little clubs and then casinos to just kind of like really feel it again. Because I had toured so hard. That I was like, I kinda wanna feel it again and go back out in the new year. So I'm doing a couple of clubs here before the end of the year and then casinos in the new year to try to feel it out again and jump around the country. Honestly, a lot of it too is so I can go see people again.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  You know, go to a casino one night and then go see a friend and, you know, go back to New York and all that stuff, kinda jump around.

• 35:39Theo Von?

  Yep. One day I would like to have a, um, maybe if I, um, get married or get in a relationship, then I would travel with my wife and go like in a camper or something.

• 35:48Speaker 02

  Oh, I love that.

• 35:49Theo Von?

  Before we start a family and maybe do some shows, but also just go see a lot of places because, yeah, you miss out on some places. And it is nice to be able to schedule a place around, around like where friends are.

• 35:58Speaker 02

  You know who does that? Well, I mean, I don't know if he does it anymore, but I went, I ran into, uh, Regan was with his girlfriend. I don't, I don't quite know the, I don't know.

• 36:08Theo Von?

  Brian Regan?

• 36:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, Regan's girlfriend or whatever, partner or whatever. And they were on a, a bus together and he was like, we're just touring the country, doing shows, goofing around, stopping at places that we feel like stopping. I was like, that is the move. My wife just doesn't really wanna go to all these places because she's got her own thing. You know what I mean? She's got her own career, so it's hard for me to pull her out, but it does seem like a cool little fantasy to get in the bus and stop by cool spots. You know, shit that I never get to see because we're on the road half of the time. You're in a city and then you gotta go. And then you're in a new city and you're like, oh, that'd be, well, we gotta go. You gotta jet so much, you know? But also after living on a bus with Bobby for a couple of months.

• 36:45Theo Von?

  Yeah. What was that? You were on the bus with him?

• 36:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, we did the bus tour last year. It was, uh, it was really hard. It was really hard.

• 36:53Theo Von?

  What are some of the toughest parts about, um, living on a bus with Bobby?

• 36:58Speaker 02

  I mean, you know, the number one rule when you're on a tour bus is no pooping on the bus. You gotta wait to poop. I mean, and you can schedule it. You make, you make an internal agreement saying, you know, to yourself, we will poop when we get to a place. And he pooped on the bus within the first week. I mean, he broke the rule within week one, you know? You can't poop on the bus, week one.

• 37:14Theo Von?

  How many weeks was the tour?

• 37:16Speaker 02

  It was like three months.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  He broke rule week one and then his schedule is crazy.

• 37:23Theo Von?

  And his legs don't even dude, I actually walked in on the bathroom one time. His legs aren't on the floor while he poops and I feel like it's so much harder to poop when you can't get traction from the floor.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  No grip. Yeah, he's not grounded at all. Well, we put a squatty potty under there so his feet do touch something.

• 37:37Theo Von?

  Oh, that's

• 37:37Speaker 02

  That's for him to feel regulated.

• 37:39Theo Von?

  Cause I walked in one time, he was literally squeezing his body down like a tube of toothpaste trying to get it out of him.

• 37:44Speaker 02

  You have to roll it now with him. If you don't roll down with him, he, gravity doesn't do all the work for him. You know, cause Koreans keep most of it up and high. So you got to really kind of massage him. A lot of times I'll massage his shoulders and back. If he says, I gotta go to the bathroom, I'll say, well, give me an hour with you first. So I'll roll down his back, roll his sides out, you know? You have to, you really have to.

• 38:03Theo Von?

  Oh, he's like a filo dough, brother. He's like a,

• 38:07Theo Von?

  he's a very rare dough. Look at him.

• 38:08Speaker 02

  He is, and you gotta let him rest. Now he's getting skinnier though, man. He doesn't look like that anymore. He's on Ozempic and he's flying free.

• 38:13Theo Von?

  No, he's not.

• 38:14Speaker 02

  He's on Wegovy, which is the alternative, cause he threw up on Ozempic pretty bad. He was sick as a dog. Every time we went out to eat, he'd get sick and then he was like, I think I can't do it. So then he switched up and then he started taking Wegovy, which is like another alternative and he's been incredible. I think he lost, he'll tell, he'll say the real number, but I think it was 30 something pounds. But look at how thin he looks there, man.

• 38:33Theo Von?

  Oh my God.

• 38:34Speaker 02

  How thin he looks there. That's crazy.

• 38:36Theo Von?

  He looks great.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  He's feeling, he's feeling much better. He's still looking for love though. His whole journey is now, he's looking for love.

• 38:44Theo Von?

  You can't look too hard.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  He's searching, bro.

• 38:46Theo Von?

  You can't look too hard, man.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  He's staring deep, deep into that abyss of the dating pool and also the apps. You're not on the apps.

• 38:53Theo Von?

  I'm not on the apps.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, he, he lives and dies by those things. He loves them.

• 38:56Theo Von?

  He does?

• 38:57Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, but he doesn't commit.

• 38:59Theo Von?

  Did you ever do the apps when you were dating?

• 39:00Speaker 02

  No, man. That's, that, that world seems so dark to me. Also, I see all my friends fall in the same traps where they hit up a girl. They talk for a second, then they never meet up or they never link. It, it ends in a weird like blank space. There's no, There, there, there's truly no like risk reward. It's almost like.

• 39:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  It, it, it doesn't matter if it happens or not. So there's no like, if you schedule a real date, you meet someone in the real world. The girl on the plane, risk, real risk. You're on a plane. Here's my number or my email. Does it work? We'll see. On the app, it doesn't matter, bro. On the app, it's they stop. He talks to a bunch of girls, then he stops talking to them when they, he feels like they're not engaged or he's over it.

• 39:40Theo Von?

  Dude, yeah, I remember I was on the app one time years ago. And it was when Steven Avery was popping off, the guy that was killing people at that used car lot or whatever. And, uh, and all my pictures were of him.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:57Theo Von?

  And remember that one kid? Yeah, that was definitely one of them. And remember, and Brendan Dassey, who was like his accomplice.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  Dassey was his nephew or something? Or what was that, right?

• 40:06Theo Von?

  And they were both, I think retarded or whatever. And they.

• 40:10Speaker 02

  I don't know if that's it. I think they were both just, uh, uh, back in the day, we just quiet men. They were just quiet men. Brent Dassey was a misunderstood quiet boy. Now I don't really know the, I don't remember this case in whole.

• 40:23Theo Von?

  My buddies played Dassey on, um.

• 40:26Speaker 02

  On NFL 2K? Oh, yeah. Dassey's the unlock a player.

• 40:30Theo Von?

  He's got a screen name or something.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Oh, I thought you meant he had an, he had like an avatar. You could play as Dassey. I played NBA 2K with Dassey.

• 40:39Theo Von?

  He's just standing by a fucking burn barrel, just fucking smoking a dart with his buddies. He doesn't even know. He's cooking wieners. Like there's like a deceased body and he doesn't even know. He just thinks it's a open fire. He's just.

• 40:54Speaker 02

  He's always in the Gulag. He's, he's lives in the Gulag, bro.

• 40:57Theo Von?

  He's just cooking franks on a stick over a burning body. He doesn't even know. But anyway, I put a lot of Brendan Dassey photos on there and a lot of Steven Avery photos because I was like, oh, this is topical right now. Chicks will see this. A lot of chicks love crime.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  They love crime stuff.

• 41:11Theo Von?

  Yeah. And then I put, um, the, the cousin from Home Alone. Remember that kid with the glasses?

• 41:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I loved him Fuller. You're gonna wet the bed Fuller. You know who that was, right? You know what actor that was?

• 41:21Theo Von?

  Uh-uh.

• 41:22Speaker 02

  That's, that's, that's, um, Macaulay Culkin's brother. That's, that's the kid from Succession.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, what's his name? Why can't I think of his name?

• 41:30Theo Von?

  Kieran Culkin?

• 41:31Speaker 02

  Kieran Culkin, that's him, as a kid.

• 41:33Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  You're gonna wet the bed, Fuller.

• 41:35Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, I put a picture of him and then two pictures of me, and they got so pissed at me, like, "You can't put accused killers," whatever. And I was like, "Get fucked, guys."

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Well, you're just, you're just talking about what's going on right now. That's what's happening in the news right now.

• 41:47Theo Von?

  So they had like some shit or whatever. But anyway, that was the last time I was on, and I think so that was probably about nine years ago. I think also, like, I just don't wanna be addicted to that stuff. And I don't wanna get to like the part where you don't get a response from somebody, or you don't get something, and it makes me feel bad, you know?

• 42:01Speaker 02

  You feel like it's a shot at you or something.

• 42:03Theo Von?

  Right. I think I'm too sen- I'm a little too sensitive with that shit. And I also don't like somebody being able to tell me no if I'm not right there. You know what I'm saying?

• 42:09Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's easy, give it to my face.

• 42:11Theo Von?

  Right.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, know me to my face.

• 42:13Theo Von?

  Yeah, email me and tell me no.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  I hope that flight attendant, wherever she is, I hope she's watching. And you gotta reach out to Theo. Take him out on a date. What's your perfect date? What is, what's Theo's perfect date?

• 42:26Theo Von?

  Ooh, that's a nice question. You know what it is, dude? I realize it's just like going for a walk somewhere.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Something easy.

• 42:31Theo Von?

  Like, just through like a nice nature trail or something like that, which sounds like a fucking...

• 42:37Theo Von?

  Which sounds very much like a fucking...

• 42:39Speaker 02

  Like you're gonna create a murder mystery then? Yeah.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  Well, dude, did you see this thing with Dax Shepard and, uh, um, Kristen Bell? The, the, um, she did like a post about their anniversary, 12 years or something like that. And she wrote on her Instagram, yeah, where he's hugging her there. Which, by the way, I thought it was like, I thought he was hugging his daughter. It looks like a child.

• 43:03Theo Von?

  That's his...

• 43:04Speaker 02

  That's, that's her. And it says, "12th wedding anniversary to the man who once said to me, 'I would never kill you. A lot of men have killed their wives at a certain point, even though I'm heavily incentivized to kill you, I never would.'"

• 43:12Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  And then a bunch of people were like, "This is not healthy, da-da-da." She's just, she's goofing. She's just playing around. Look at that, look, wait, wait. Dateline NBC wrote, "屏截了."

• 43:23Theo Von?

  What?

• 43:23Speaker 02

  Like, they wanna use it for something in the future in case, uh, something goes down.

• 43:29Theo Von?

  I don't know.

• 43:29Speaker 02

  She's just being playful. She's just goofing around.

• 43:31Theo Von?

  Women, I think one reason why women like true crime and like murder or-

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Murder mystery, yeah.

• 43:37Theo Von?

  Yeah, is because at least the man's committing. At least if this guy's gonna kill me-

• 43:41Speaker 02

  He's gonna go all the way.

• 43:42Theo Von?

  And it's commitment.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Right, that's why they, that's why they like it.

• 43:45Theo Von?

  Women want commitment. So it's like, oh, this guy is at least willing to fucking actually kill me instead of some fucking pussy ass guy who comes by and just kinda stabs me and pokes me and makes me get my nails and cooter shaved up and all this stuff just to waste my fucking time. At least this fucking decent man has come over here and committed to fucking crime and committed to murder.

• 44:07Speaker 02

  I, I am fascinated with the idea that why women like it so much. Like my wife, she doesn't like it the way that I see, like a lot of women love murder mystery because I think it affirms their belief that any man could be a killer. Like it's almost like verifying the fact that they go, yeah, Theo's sweet, but could be a killer. I mean, I think, I think they think that about every single dude could be a killer. For some reason, it's like ingrained in their DNA. It's gotta be nature, protective years of nature of thinking like, if the village is running out of food, the, they got, the, the big Neanderthals are probably gonna be like, we gotta kill some of these women. They're eating the food. We gotta get rid of them. We'll go find new women.

• 44:45Speaker 02

  I mean, that's gotta be some weird, old school, you know, human instinct, like the women are, what, and also, don't females like, um, don't the mantises, don't they eat the guys after they have sex with them? Isn't that what they do? Like the praying mantis, I think they, don't they kill the man the moment that they're done getting impregnated? There's gotta be bugs that do that like crazy.

• 45:05Theo Von?

  Bugs? There's fucking people in Memphis doing this shit. How many animals, uh-

• 45:11Speaker 02

  Sexual cannibalism. Free, female praying mantises will do it. They'll eat the male during or after mating. You gotta wait till I'm done. Don't eat me while we're going at it.

• 45:20Theo Von?

  Unless it's right after I bust.

• 45:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, right.

• 45:24Speaker 02

  Take me now. Yeah. Or right when I'm doing it. That would be hot.

• 45:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 45:28Speaker 02

  Kill me right when I'm doing it.

• 45:29Theo Von?

  Dude, that's crazy.

• 45:33Theo Von?

  What other animals, I believe it's male raccoons, will eat

• 45:39Theo Von?

  the, the children of a female raccoon so that she'll go right back into heat to make, wanna make more children?

• 45:44Speaker 02

  To make another one.

• 45:44Theo Von?

  So they can have sex again.

• 45:46Speaker 02

  I'm lucky, I'm lucky that didn't happen with me. You get a redhead baby, you're like, I gotta, I gotta kill just to get another one. This is the one I want. Male raccoons do do that.

• 45:54Theo Von?

  Are known to sometimes kill and even eat the young of females, and one main reason is exactly that, to make the female go into heat again. The behavior is a form of infanticide, and it serves as an evolutionary purpose similar to what's observed in lions and some primate species. Wow.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  God, that's wild. And female raccoons can't become pregnant while nursing. They must finish raising the litter before entering, I can't say that word.

• 46:16Theo Von?

  Estrus.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  Estrus.

• 46:17Theo Von?

  When a male kills her kits, she will return to estrus within days, allowing him to sire his own offspring rather than raising another male's. Wow, that's insane.

• 46:26Speaker 02

  It's sounding like some Stephen King shit.

• 46:28Theo Von?

  I mean, if that happened in human society, it would be absolutely crazy.

• 46:31Speaker 02

  Kill your own just so they get hot again. That's like a Black Mirror episode, you know what I mean? Like in the future, you're like, we need to make the perfect human, so every time they have a kid, if it's not exactly what they want. Like, you know, they're doing, now people, you can pick things, they're, they're engineering kids now. You can pick the, the specifics of your kid, like you want it to be a certain height, category, you know, weight, hair, eye color. Like, we're getting into, we're playing God. Like, we're playing God. It's gonna backfire tremendously bad. Like, sometimes I think, Shohei Ohtani was made in a lab. You see that dude, you're like, do you know a lot of 6'7" Japanese dudes?

• 47:04Theo Von?

  Mm-mm.

• 47:05Speaker 02

  265, you're like, this dude was made in a lab to be the greatest baseball player of all time.

• 47:10Theo Von?

  Where was he made?

• 47:11Speaker 02

  What lab was he made?

• 47:14Speaker 02

  I mean, look at the size of this man. Arguably the greatest baseball player I think I've ever seen live. It blows my mind. If you watched him live, you've seen him live?

• 47:21Theo Von?

  It's unbelievable.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  It's shocking how good he is.

• 47:23Theo Von?

  And he can't even tell us how much fun he's having because he doesn't even speak English.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  That's why he does that, though. He doesn't want you to know. He stays, he stays, he stays, he stays that way. He's not trying to learn.

• 47:33Theo Von?

  Shohei Ohtani was not made in a lab.

• 47:35Speaker 02

  Bullshit.

• 47:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, he's a real human born in Japan. He was born in Mizusawa Iwate Prefecture, known as Oshu.

• 47:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, Oshu.

• 47:43Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 47:44Speaker 02

  In Japan, we're both athletes in his youth. His mother played badminton. Oh, that answers that, I guess. Badminton players always make the best baseball player.

• 47:51Theo Von?

  Bro, imagine how savage his mother is at badminton.

• 47:55Speaker 02

  She's the baddest bitch at badminton. His father was an amateur baseball player, I did know that. But a factory worker for the most part.

• 48:01Theo Von?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 48:02Speaker 02

  The rumors claiming he was created in Japanese laboratories are satirical. That's right, humorous. That's what we're doing here.

• 48:07Theo Von?

  We'll figure it out.

• 48:07Speaker 02

  We're just joking around.

• 48:09Theo Von?

  But dude, everything's getting outsourced now, dude. Everything's, bro, we're doing this new thing, um, with Mike Rowe where we're gonna do, uh...

• 48:16Speaker 02

  Dirty Jobs Mike Rowe?

• 48:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 48:17Speaker 02

  I love that guy.

• 48:18Theo Von?

  Oh, he's great. His voice is great.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  God, dude.

• 48:21Theo Von?

  Dude, every time he talks, I can hear my mother c***ing, which is crazy. It's like...

• 48:26Speaker 02

  He gets women pregnant by the baritone in his voice.

• 48:28Theo Von?

  Maybe we need to get rid of that statement, that's insane. That's crazy to say, right?

• 48:33Speaker 02

  Keep it. No, I like it. Keep it.

• 48:34Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 48:35Speaker 02

  It makes sense.

• 48:35Theo Von?

  I don't think so. Let me give you my email.

• 48:38Speaker 02

  Just give me half. Is Rowe married?

• 48:41Theo Von?

  I'm not sure.

• 48:42Speaker 02

  If he was a single guy, my good god.

• 48:44Theo Von?

  God, he's doing fine.

• 48:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. Let me do some cleanup. I mean, and it's very like, and it's very newsworthy. Cause he has inflection that jumps up and down.

• 48:53Theo Von?

  He worked, um...

• 48:54Speaker 02

  No, he's, he's single. He's never been married. Been in some long terms, though.

• 48:57Theo Von?

  God. He worked on QVC whenever he first started.

• 49:01Speaker 02

  That's how he got a start?

• 49:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 49:03Speaker 02

  No shit.

• 49:03Theo Von?

  And so, we're doing this thing where it's like, uh... It's like small American companies, like mom and pop companies, like trying to create like an avenue for them to sell Christmas gifts to other people. So, we're gonna do this episode that's all about that. And feature a bunch of different products.

• 49:18Speaker 02

  It's kinda slicing out Amazon, so to speak, right? You're like, take it back to the local shops?

• 49:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, just so, so then it's almost like you get two gifts. I get to get somebody a gift, but also get to give another person a gift. By having, by buying something from them, you know?

• 49:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, like what Tom's Shoes did, kinda, you know? Where you buy a shoe, they give a shoe to somebody.

• 49:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 49:35Speaker 02

  I don't even, I don't know if that's true, but...

• 49:36Theo Von?

  Well, all these products are American made, so everything is like, it's purely American made. But one of the things we're noticing, dude, is like... There's nothing made here.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  No.

• 49:45Theo Von?

  Like if we shut off China completely, we would fucking be living off of beef jerky and

• 49:51Speaker 02

  Which I love.

• 49:52Theo Von?

  And wind chimes.

• 49:53Speaker 02

  Bro, and garden gnomes. We're still producing those like crazy, bro. We there. You go past the nursery down the street, there's a hundred thousand of them. I'm like, who's still buying these? But they're still made here. And by the way, uh, the more I see companies that are trying to do the made in the USA thing, the prices go skyrocket. That's the, that's the worst part that you're like, I want to support them too, but my God.

• 50:14Theo Von?

  Well, there's just no, there's no infrastructure. I mean, you can't get hardly anything done. Here's what we're seeing, right?

• 50:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:20Theo Von?

  But some of that's starting to change. Like there's people that want to do it. Um, there's this Good Ranchers company that is like, uh, sourcing meat that's just in America. There's, um, American Giant, which is finally created an avenue for like getting cotton gin here and that they can use to create textiles and shirts like, but it's like electronics?

• 50:41Speaker 02

  No, that's gone.

• 50:41Theo Von?

  Nothing.

• 50:42Speaker 02

  We lost that a long time. We were never gonna, I mean, but also they make, they make the best electronical shit, man. Like if you've seen in Japan, they've got those streets that have kinetic energy that stores energy for, you walk on a, you, now when you walk down some sidewalks in Japan, it stores kinetic energy as you walk in the sidewalks. Look at that. So you press down and it takes the kinetic energy and stores it for, for energy usage in the future. Brother, there's a pothole on my street that's been there for nine years. We can't get that shit fucking fixed. And they got kinetic energy sidewalks. I mean,

• 51:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's where Mike Rowe keeps his voice in that pothole, dude. Fucking, that thing's deep.

• 51:16Speaker 02

  I live down here.

• 51:18Theo Von?

  But dude, there's, yeah, they have a sidewalk over there that can tell if you're a [BLEEP] or not.

• 51:21Speaker 02

  They really?

• 51:22Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 51:23Theo Von?

  Isn't that crazy?

• 51:23Speaker 02

  Japan is advanced.

• 51:25Theo Von?

  But dude, that's a scary day to take your son for a walk.

• 51:32Theo Von?

  You're like, let's see what happens here, fella.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  They took the idea of a, what was it? What was it when we were a kid? What was it called? A, uh, there it is. That's the road.

• 51:39Theo Von?

  And that's us just painting.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  That's me and you just walking around. Now, if you come when you're on that block, that's how they know. Then they got you. One of us.

• 51:48Theo Von?

  That's for sure, dude. Bro, it's, yeah, that's the kind of shit that's.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  That's out of pocket. That is so stupid.

• 51:54Theo Von?

  That's great, though. That's that rainbow street. But the craziest thing was, remember they put all that rainbow and the black pride stuff right next to each other? And meanwhile, in black culture, they like, do not accept a lot of gay people.

• 52:03Speaker 02

  That is not on the same block. They want that, yeah, they're like, move that to the other block.

• 52:07Theo Von?

  Put that shit in the cul-de-sac.

• 52:11Speaker 02

  That shit is a dead end. Put that shit on the dead end.

• 52:14Theo Von?

  Dude, technology is getting so crazy, man. Did you see the, um, fuck, I gave her my fucking email. Can you even imagine?

• 52:20Speaker 02

  Half an email is even worse.

• 52:21Theo Von?

  But what? I tried his fucking order. It's good. She gave me the pen. Dude, but, uh,

• 52:29Theo Von?

  and then just sitting in my chair and just being like, bro, why did you go up there? You gotta die coke and give woman half of a fucking email address.

• 52:40Theo Von?

  You are fucking good. Oh, um, no, speaking of technology, dude, there's a, there's a toilet. Bring up that toilet. There's a toilet now. They want to be able to, um, was it film you while you're doing poops or whatever?

• 52:54Speaker 02

  Yep. They, they film you while you're shitting.

• 52:58Theo Von?

  Or it's, uh, they want to be able to test your poo poo.

• 53:01Speaker 02

  Oh, I like that. Test me to see if I'm healthy.

• 53:03Theo Von?

  Yeah, but fucking dude, what if you just had a fucking night where you had a couple, you know, you had a couple of Barks root beers and some pizza?

• 53:09Speaker 02

  Right. It's gonna, it's gonna let you know how bad it was for you. That's good. I want to know. I want to know.

• 53:14Theo Von?

  And bro, can we discontinue hot honey pizzas? Because those are making people.

• 53:18Speaker 02

  Why is that a thing? I don't understand honey on the pizza. They put in that, they always do that. They go pepperoni, jalapeno and hot honey. That's the new shit. I don't like that. I don't, when did honey make its way onto that?

• 53:26Theo Von?

  It's just people that want to shit more. There's people that can't.

• 53:30Speaker 02

  Kohler makes a tiny camera in your toilet to analyze the contents.

• 53:35Theo Von?

  Uh, some smart litter boxes can monitor our pets habits and health. So having a camera in our human toilet bowl seems inevitable.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  No, it doesn't. I don't need a camera in there. I don't want it to watch me. I don't want that stuff posted. The Kohler's like uploading now to Facebook.

• 53:50Theo Von?

  Ricky just shit. Ricky's shit gets a four stars.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  See my little weener barely making it over my balls first thing in the morning when I'm shitting on Facebook. My dad would post a hundred percent on accident. He'd be like, help me take this down. I posted the Kohler clip.

• 54:06Theo Von?

  Like Andrew, what?

• 54:07Speaker 02

  Andrew, I posted the fucking Kohler clip. Please help me take it down.

• 54:11Theo Von?

  It was a thick piss, damn it. Look, sometimes I pee sitting down. They're fucking, they're calculating it wrong.

• 54:19Theo Von?

  That would be my fear dude, but it says it right here, the 599 Dakota clamps over the rim like a toilet bowl cleaner, pointing and optical sensor your erect.

• 54:29Speaker 02

  Excretions and secretions.

• 54:30Theo Von?

  Excretions and secretions. It then analyzes the images to detect any blood and reviews your gut health and hydration status depending on the plan you choose. The fee is between $70 and $156 per year.

• 54:41Speaker 02

  We need to go back to my grandfather who never went to the doctor. He was like, I don't, I'll figure it out. It'll get me when it gets me. My grandfather never wanted to know, like this is something interesting. There's a couple of friends of ours. Not my liberty to say that went and got a full body test to make sure they're okay. And one of our friends came back with something who you know, and you know, it scared him a little bit, but he got it taken care of. It was benign. So luckily it was okay, but I got the fear of, he's like, you should go do it. And I thought, I don't know if I want to know, like, do you want to know? I think just let, let it happen when it happens. I don't want impending doom. I just want to live life until it's over. I think it's, there's so much noise stressing us out that more noise about our existence. I don't really, like this, what's this comment that's coming at us right now that they think might hit us or whatever?

• 55:26Speaker 02

  I don't want to know. Just let it hit us. I don't tell me it's going to hit us. I don't want to, I don't want to know it's, it's going to happen. Because then I'm preparing for it to happen. I'd rather just keep living free until it happens.

• 55:38Theo Von?

  But what if you're living free and your neighbor's just digging a huge hole in his yard to fucking hide in or something?

• 55:43Speaker 02

  Let him live then. That's, that's his choice. People build, people build bunkers all, people have been building bunkers. For how long? I mean, as far as we know, the Denver airport is a, is a big bunker. I mean, and they've told us for years, they're like, no, no, that's not true. And then the older you get, the government goes back on what it said. Remember they said there was no UFOs when we were kids? Like there's no fucking UFOs. And then like a year ago, there was like, yeah, there's UFOs.

• 56:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, we got, and we got a bunch of them too. We keep collecting them.

• 56:06Theo Von?

  And they're in the water. They said that, remember that shit?

• 56:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're living in the water. Yeah. They're getting transferred. You've been to underground in New York. You're like, this is where they live for sure, dude. It's acidic Jews and the underground protecting the aliens. Now we got a conspiracy theory.

• 56:22Theo Von?

  Remember the head city Jesus, they busted him in that fucking tunnel.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  In the underground.

• 56:25Theo Von?

  And they never even.

• 56:26Speaker 02

  No, they wiped that away. They were like, we're never talking about that again.

• 56:28Theo Von?

  There's a dirty mattress and they never even.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  The secret synagogue, that's what it was. That was the wildest shit I think I've ever seen in my life.

• 56:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 56:36Speaker 02

  They busted him crawling out of those things and then out of a sidewalk. Yeah. The one that was dude is on a sidewalk was probably the most like wild photo. Oh dude, speaking of wild.

• 56:45Theo Von?

  And it was that sidewalk that judges YouTube that knows it. So it was like banker extortionist.

• 56:51Speaker 02

  Right there. Yeah. Look at they got him crawling out of a grate. That is insane, dude.

• 56:56Theo Von?

  I know dude. Look, the sidewalk is just rattling off right there.

• 56:59Speaker 02

  You do. You want to talk about a weird photo, dude. Did you see this Time magazine picture of Trump? Did you see his response? It made me laugh so hard. They took a photo of him. They said, you know, they put him on Time magazine for, uh, for the, um, hostages and they wrote his triumph, you know?

• 57:13Theo Von?

  That's the picture they use?

• 57:14Speaker 02

  Well, look at his neck. Yeah. He commented about it. He was like, they deleted my hair.

• 57:20Speaker 02

  I mean, you zoom in on that guy's neck. It's banana. That is the worst photo I've ever seen, dude.

• 57:26Theo Von?

  Oh, that neck, it's definitely, it gives long nut.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's long nut neck. That's long nut neck. Honestly, he, look, I mean, look what they, they did put the sun in his hair. He's like, they deleted my hair. They don't like my hair. They, I mean, it does look photoshopped. It's hilarious.

• 57:42Theo Von?

  They fucked him on this. How Gaza heals? That whole thing was just a fucking, a bunch of bullshit.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  You think they were going to give him, they like, this is why it's funny. Time magazine wasn't going to praise him all the way. Like, of course they were going to put a bad photo. You think they were going to give you the photo of your choice? Come on, no fucking way. By the way, I think about that all the time when I take photos with fans of how stupid I fucking look. And then when I do die, they're going to use one of these dumb fucking photos of me like half closed eyes, looking the other way, blurry, dumb headed. Every time I take a photo, I'm sure I look like a fucking idiot when I take one on the road. So when people want photos now, I always go, hey, man, they go, hey, can I get a photo? I go, yeah, can I, can you, can I selfie it? So I can just take it of us. That way I know I'm like, hey, then I know, I know what I look like. It's like a, a, a fat, dumb, red moron. They deleted my hair. Oh, disappeared my hair. That's what it was.

• 58:28Theo Von?

  They disappeared my hair.

• 58:29Speaker 02

  They disappeared my hair.

• 58:31Theo Von?

  Dude, I'm hanging out with, uh, I was with Kid Rock the other night and he calls Trump, dude, it's like fucking.

• 58:36Speaker 02

  He's got him on speed dial?

• 58:37Theo Von?

  It's like 1 a.m. He calls him, he's like, let's go. Trump answers, they're fucking talking. I'm like, dude, what is going on?

• 58:44Speaker 02

  How was his house, by the way?

• 58:45Theo Von?

  It was awesome. Kid Rock's house is sick.

• 58:47Speaker 02

  I've heard it's wild, right? It looks like the White House, is that true?

• 58:49Theo Von?

  He's a sweet dude. Bob's a nice guy, man. He's, uh, he's like, he's thoughtful. He's, you know, he's Kid Rock, but he's also like, you know, he's also a fucking complete fucking animal.

• 59:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, it looks like the White House, right? Isn't that, it's a dupe of the White House?

• 59:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's it right there.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  God, that's bananas to me.

• 59:05Theo Von?

  And you can see it from, you can see it from town if you're at a restaurant. It's pretty cool.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  It's perched up on the hill.

• 59:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 59:11Speaker 02

  That's Nashville? Or where is that?

• 59:13Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's in Nashville. Dude, last week we went to NBA Youngboy, which was dope. We went to, I went and watched Ella Langley play, which was awesome. And this kid, Dylan Marlowe, have you ever heard of him?

• 59:25Speaker 02

  I don't think so, but I'm really bad when it comes to that kind of stuff. Like I, that, that group I was playing in the hallway, I'm in love with them and I'd forget their name.

• 59:31Theo Von?

  Oh, Cameron Marlowe, sorry. Dylan Marlowe is great, I've watched him, but, uh, Cameron Marlowe, this guy.

• 59:36Speaker 02

  Is this his brother? Are they related? No?

• 59:38Theo Von?

  No.

• 59:39Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. Handsome fucking dude.

• 59:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, I didn't look at him like that.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  I am, I'm looking at him like that.

• 59:45Theo Von?

  Yeah, fuck him then.

• 59:46Speaker 02

  I might. I always, I always figure, half of it's gotta be talent, half's gotta be handsome. He's a handsome cat.

• 59:51Theo Von?

  You know, he's, I will say this, now that I think about it a little bit more, which I'm not gonna think about a lot, he's a little bit handsome, but.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  He is.

• 59:57Theo Von?

  Bro, sings like God. I mean, just like.

• 59:59Speaker 02

  Country?

• 1:00:00Theo Von?

  I don't even know. Gospel, country guy, it's just like, it's a lot.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  God's music.

• 1:00:04Theo Von?

  Phenomenal, though. And then we went and saw your boy Dermot Kennedy the other night. He's Irish.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. One of my, one of my own.

• 1:00:41Theo Von?

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• 1:01:26Theo Von?

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• 1:01:59Speaker 03

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• 1:02:07Theo Von?

  You know, it's fall, it's autumn. And it's that time of year where things start slowing down. The leaves start changing, the air's got that little bite to it. And suddenly you're thinking, maybe I should start doing something new. You know, building birdhouses or making candles or making dang hats out of goat milk and papier-mâché.

• 1:02:33Theo Von?

  Whatever it is, this is the season to fall into a new hobby and Shopify makes it easy to turn that hobby into something real. We run our own merch on Shopify and it's the best place to start or grow a business, hands down. Doesn't matter if you're selling out of your garage or your phone or a little shop downtown. Shopify takes the guesswork out of all of it. You don't need a big team or fancy office. Shopify is your office in your pocket. So if this fall's got you feeling creative, don't overthink it. It's time to turn your passion into a paycheck. Go to Shopify.com/THEO and make it happen. That's Shopify.com/THEO.

• 1:03:19Speaker 02

  You know what I need to do with you, truly, because I've been watching a lot of videos on TikTok. I went down a rabbit hole. There's a, there's a really pretty woman who goes to these, um, uh, the juggle, uh, the gathering of the Juggalos and she gives you tips on how to like operate in that space. Like, do you know what the poo dollar is? So at the Juggalo, when you go to ICP shows, there'll be money on the ground, like all over the place, but it's wrapped in poo. Somebody pooed in it and then they film you picking up a poo dollar. And she's giving you tips on how to not get caught picking up poo dollars and...

• 1:03:50Theo Von?

  Oh, that's good.

• 1:03:50Speaker 02

  It's very sweet of her.

• 1:03:51Theo Von?

  She's a cool chick. Let's see if we have it.

• 1:03:53Speaker 02

  She seems great. I mean, I love watching her videos. She's giving you tips of the Gathering of the Juggalos.

• 1:03:58Theo Von?

  There's a girl right there.

• 1:03:59Speaker 02

  Is that her?

• 1:04:00Speaker 04

  People get so fucked up here that they pass out for 12 hours and don't feel or hear or see a thing.

• 1:04:06Theo Von?

  Because they're asleep.

• 1:04:07Speaker 04

  It's the Gathering of the Juggalos in Thornville, Ohio. The Gathering of the Juggalos is a fucking 12 out of 10, dude.

• 1:04:14Theo Von?

  This chick is fucked up, huh?

• 1:04:17Speaker 04

  They're throwing full cans of Faygo at people and they're taking wristbands. And so when you're just like a dead body laying on your cot for 12 hours, people come up to you, fuck with all of your shit, dude. Enjoying a 12-hour nap.

• 1:04:30Theo Von?

  Who is this, dude?

• 1:04:32Speaker 04

  Plus three points. You've gotta have a tent. You gotta have a safe place to sleep. Cause I know a lot of ninjas that are out here passing out on the grass and just laying there because they got in with their last bucks. They don't have shit. So they're passing out in the road wherever they can, sleep until the sun comes up, dude. We're here to gather. We're here to have a good fucking time. We're here to not give a fuck. Cause society doesn't accept us. So we're going to accept everybody that's here. Being accepted, plus 20 points.

• 1:05:00Theo Von?

  Those people are asleep, you idiot.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't mess with people that are sleeping, dude. He's just recharging after, after being partied out all day.

• 1:05:08Theo Von?

  Dude, that chick, is that a lesbian? Who was that lady?

• 1:05:11Speaker 02

  That is, she's, she's AI, dude. This is the new world. We don't, we'll never know if these people are real. The amount of times I'm fooled now by AI is getting out of control. Like, it's also, I don't know why, Sora, that's what it's called.

• 1:05:23Theo Von?

  That's a new thing.

• 1:05:24Speaker 02

  Sora is making more, maybe it's my feed, there's more Kobe Bryant videos than I've ever seen. And they have him, just, yeah, they have him like dunking on old women in the gym and shit.

• 1:05:35Speaker 05

  This is Otani's mom.

• 1:05:36Speaker 02

  Oh, that's Otani's mom.

• 1:05:37Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:05:38Speaker 02

  That's, that's a badminton champ right there.

• 1:05:40Theo Von?

  Is that Sora or that's real?

• 1:05:41Speaker 02

  That's Sora.

• 1:05:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's Sora.

• 1:05:43Speaker 02

  But that, that, how would I know? You were like, oh, Otani's mom is a champ. How would I know?

• 1:05:48Theo Von?

  And it's not even as great as it can be yet. It's gonna be weird. What do you think happens with the future of, uh, like, will they still continue to use actors? What will they do?

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  I don't know, man. The more, I talked to a guy literally yesterday who creates, um, he has a company that does, uh, um, simulators for golf, right? And he was talking to me about the simulation technology that they use for golf. And then, he's like, eventually, you may not even have to, need to go play the course. We will have everything feel, hear, smell. Like, it will feel like you're in there. The temperature will be the same as it is on the location. You'll feel like you're playing with your group. Like, you will be, I mean, we're uploaded into that, into that, you know, that, that metaverse or whatever. If, it, when he was talking about it, because he was super intellectual and I'm, I'm an idiot. And it scared me a little bit because I thought, well, then, are they gonna need, are they gonna need that stuff? I mean, I just think,

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  I don't know what the business is gonna look like, but I do know live entertainment will always, you will need to go see somebody live. I hope. I'm praying that people will still want to go feel that human interaction. You know, in the same way that like, young people are getting into more analog shit. You know, this guy I was talking to yesterday, his son is a young man and he was like, he likes records. He likes CDs and tapes. He thinks it's cool because it's throwback, you know? And I think that will have a resurgence in its own right, but eventually, everything is gonna be so digital, it'll be an afterthought. There'll be, I don't know, I hate to think of it, because I do want creators to still create. But I think one of the only forms that will exist, unfortunately, would be live. I'm, I'm probably wrong, but- I think people still want to see people live, but as far as entertainment goes,

• 1:07:25Speaker 02

  if you think someone's not gonna get home after a 12-hour workday, where they busted their ass, doing something all day long, they get home, they kiss their kids and their wife, they put their kids to bed, and they sit down on the couch, and instead of scrolling, they go, "Hey, will you show me a movie where The Rock is a pancake chef, and he's gotta get into a fistfight over, uh, overcooked pancakes with Jason Statham?" And it's like bum bum, and that's what they make. You know what I mean? Like, I, you know that's gonna happen. I, I, I don't, I don't think it's healthy, but you know that's gonna happen.

• 1:07:53Theo Von?

  Or like, "It's my wife's birthday, can you make, um, can you make a collage?"

• 1:07:57Speaker 02

  I forgot a gift. Can you make something right now? And 3D print it, min, min, min, min, min, it's in your fucking living room already?

• 1:08:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  Like, remember in Back to the Future when they made that pizza? Do you remember that, when they, and they're in the kitchen? You bring up that photo, it was so ominous, it was so ahead of its time. They're in the kitchen-

• 1:08:11Theo Von?

  Is it a medium pizza?

• 1:08:12Speaker 02

  It's like a little ti- they, it's this big-

• 1:08:14Theo Von?

  Personal pan pizza?

• 1:08:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, personal pan, but then they, once they put it in the machine, it comes out as a full pizza. And I thought, that's 100% in the making right now. Like, there's no chance that they're not, look at that, it starts as that. And that was so long ago. And they put it in something, and it expands to what it truly is now.

• 1:08:30Theo Von?

  Here's the crazy thing, it'll all taste like pizza, right? It'll taste like all the flavors, but none of it will be actual-

• 1:08:35Speaker 02

  It won't be pizza.

• 1:08:36Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:08:36Speaker 02

  No. It'll be, it'll be some sort of digital makeup of a thing that resembles pizza. There she is. Putting the little tiny thing from Pizza Hut on the tray, in the center. Black and Decker, shout out, plug, good company plug right there.

• 1:08:50Theo Von?

  The hydrator.

• 1:08:51Speaker 02

  Hydrating, that's what it said. Hydrating. That's why I would do, I would do impressions of all those noises. Look at that. You think that's not common? It's common.

• 1:08:59Theo Von?

  And that was in 1989. That looks good.

• 1:09:02Speaker 02

  No, brother, that looks delicious. I know. And not an ounce of it will be pizza, you're right. It'll just be whatever it is, whatever's in the, the ether.

• 1:09:10Theo Von?

  Like that, what's that meat company? Oh, I can't believe it's not meat or whatever? Or meat?

• 1:09:16Speaker 02

  Uh, uh, uh, I know. Impossible meat, Beyond Meat.

• 1:09:19Theo Von?

  Beyond Meat. Um, yeah dude, it's just like the technology's getting crazy. Did you see that thing with, um, with AWS and the beds?

• 1:09:28Speaker 02

  What, what do you mean with like, what'd they do with beds?

• 1:09:30Theo Von?

  AWS crash causes 2,000 smart beds to overheat and get stuck upright.

• 1:09:41Speaker 02

  My dad, I could just, I physically could see my dad being like, "It's too fucking hot." "What's wrong?" Yelling at my mom, "You're sweating." "Move over, god damn it."

• 1:09:53Theo Von?

  Move over.

• 1:09:53Speaker 02

  He doesn't know that it's the fucking bed. The AWS over evening.

• 1:09:58Theo Von?

  Move over, he's got her out in the yard.

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  In the garage when I sleep, god damn it.

• 1:10:04Theo Von?

  The outage, a major American web service, uh, American web services outage on October 20th had the unexpected side effect of causing chaos in bedrooms across US. As owner of Eight Sleep's $2,000 plus pod mattress covers, found their smart beds had no offline mode and were stuck at high temperatures and odd positions in the night.

• 1:10:25Speaker 02

  Just sweating like this all night?

• 1:10:28Speaker 02

  That is awful. $2,000 mattress too, I mean, good god.

• 1:10:36Speaker 02

  You're a Totino's, you've become a Totino's pizza roll. Hydrating.

• 1:10:41Speaker 02

  Well, this is, this is the problem, where tech is, tech is getting too tech. You remember in high school, the one kid that had a, um, a, a, a water bed? There was always one kid in high school that had a water bed. Like, we knew one dude whose mom and dad would let him have a water bed.

• 1:10:54Theo Von?

  Yeah, or their dad had one.

• 1:10:56Speaker 02

  Their dad had one and they got to use it. Like, I knew, I knew a kid who had a water bed.

• 1:10:59Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:11:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, I knew a kid, and he was a, he was an only child, his parents were old, so he was a, he was a late life accident. And he got, bro, he had all the toys, we could do whatever we wanted at his house, his parents didn't give a shit, because we were in high school, they were like 60. They didn't give a shit. They were fucking retired and we were 14 years old. So they weren't, they were on vacay, they were in Boca, you know what I mean? Like, we were kicking it. We got to do whatever we wanted, he got, and he, he had, um, I remember he had, uh, a, um, Cobra Mustang, 97, 98, and he had a Ford Lightning SVT. I remember, most of us didn't even have a car, and he had two.

• 1:11:38Speaker 02

  His dad taught me stick shift on a 19, I want to say this right, 76 or 67, uh, um, Stingray. Which one was it? Was it 76 or 67 Corvette Stingray? He taught me stick shift, and that, that was one right there.

• 1:11:53Theo Von?

  He had all the toys, huh?

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, man. Seventy-six, that's what it was. Seventy-six stingray. That's I learned stick shift on that in a church parking lot. This guy's dad taught me how to do it. And that dude, I thought the abu's like, that's they're the coolest people on earth. He had a waterbed. Oh, bro.

• 1:12:07Theo Von?

  Give him my email, dude.

• 1:12:09Speaker 02

  Half of it. I'll give him half your email, bro. But I remember he had the waterbed and I thought how that was the flyest shit on earth. And then one day he was like, no, man, you get stuck in that thing all the time. You'll slide into a corner and you'll be slunched against the sea. You're waking up like a pirate, dude. He's like, it sucks.

• 1:12:26Theo Von?

  Bro, or somebody puts a little fucking bass in that bitch. You're sleeping, bro. And there's a little trout just coming up near your mouth trying to just because it's the salt from your drool is going through.

• 1:12:37Speaker 02

  He's got to fill with koi fish.

• 1:12:41Theo Von?

  Bobby's fucking shitting in there the first week he gets it.

• 1:12:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:45Theo Von?

  Like, dude, do not shit in your waterbed.

• 1:12:46Speaker 02

  Waterbed, please. It'll move.

• 1:12:48Theo Von?

  Dude, it's just like the technology. It's just crazy. Like, we had, um, Craig Newmark, the founder of Craigslist on and he's he's a big advocate. He does a lot of fundraising and donates a lot of money to, uh, cybersecurity. That's like a big world that he's involved in. And he says that like, yeah, there could be a hijacking of like a product where suddenly all the cars just go and drive off a bridge. There's nothing you can do.

• 1:13:13Speaker 02

  That scares the shit out of me.

• 1:13:14Theo Von?

  Yeah. Or all the Teslas just go to a fucking gay bar or the Jets game or whatever. Which is pretty much the same thing, dude. But but just imagine you're sitting in your car and you're like, what the fuck? Everybody's going to Trenton, New Jersey or something.

• 1:13:28Speaker 02

  Just at the same time.

• 1:13:30Theo Von?

  And there's nothing you can do.

• 1:13:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, that scares me. Like, when I get in my car sometimes and it tells you it updated, it's like updated a map without you even saying it's okay. They're they're eventually going to update and and a total have owner ownership and control over where you go.

• 1:13:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:45Speaker 02

  You won't even be able to they'll tell you where to go. Time for a check in. It'll just take my ass to the doctor. You're avoiding this. Let's go. You know, like, I don't want to go to the dentist. We're we're going to the dentist.

• 1:13:55Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:55Speaker 02

  Like, I think it's just gonna it's gonna technology is gonna start to own us in a way where we won't have to make it. We won't even be able to make decisions and we'll just eventually, generationally, people will just be okay with it because that's the way of life, right? In the same way that like, remember going out to dinner? When I was a kid, I remember when my parents were, when my mom was dating my stepdad before we, before they got married, they'd go out to dinner and they would let me come sometimes and I'd be under the table with tablecloth and all they would see was a little hand grab a french fry and then go back under. And that was my little like adventure time, right? And it was my little play world under there. And then now, kids all have iPads and iPhones and I'm not criticizing, I'm not a parent. So I don't know, but it's so normal that when you see a kid without an iPad or an iPhone, you're like, what is that? What is the fuck is he doing? Was he thinking and coloring

• 1:14:40Speaker 02

  and talking?

• 1:14:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, who's this mutant?

• 1:14:42Speaker 02

  Who's this fucking mutant?

• 1:14:43Theo Von?

  Something must be wrong with him.

• 1:14:44Speaker 02

  Right. You're like, what's going on with that kid? But it's become the norm. So I think the future of tech will be, it would be abnormal to make decisions. We, it will be, it'll, we'll be gone and it'll become so custom for your life to wake up and, "Good morning, Theo, today", and on your bathroom mirror, what did I, what did I, what did I, what did I, what you have to do. Not what you want, want, you don't want, you don't get to want, you have to do all this shit.

• 1:15:08Theo Von?

  Right. These are the things you have to take care of.

• 1:15:10Speaker 02

  You must do this. This is, this is your day.

• 1:15:12Theo Von?

  And that will be built in your car and your car will know your toilet. Your car will be like, "Your shit was bad."

• 1:15:17Speaker 02

  More water?

• 1:15:18Theo Von?

  Woo, straw.

• 1:15:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. Just make you suck it.

• 1:15:23Speaker 02

  "Time to jerk off, just on my head." No, wait a minute, you must come.

• 1:15:28Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:15:30Speaker 02

  That's the commercial?

• 1:15:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, you can't go to work until you get a colonoscopy. There'll just be stuff like that.

• 1:15:35Speaker 02

  In your car, it'll just be in your car. Please bend over. Performing colonoscopy.

• 1:15:40Theo Von?

  You're on the seat.

• 1:15:43Theo Von?

  Your seat will be able to tell just through a fart or something if you fucking, if you're gonna lie to your wife that night.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  "Smelling your fart."

• 1:15:51Speaker 02

  "What did you eat for lunch?" "I had a salad." It tells your wife. "He had a burger, a double double."

• 1:15:57Theo Von?

  Wrong!

• 1:15:59Speaker 02

  You fucking liar.

• 1:16:01Theo Von?

  Well dude, it, I mean, everything's just getting bizarre, dude.

• 1:16:05Speaker 02

  The only way to get away from it. The only way to get away from it.

• 1:16:08Theo Von?

  Okay, I want to hear this. Owen Benjamin got away from it?

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  What do you get away? What do you mean? Oh, get away from tech?

• 1:16:13Theo Von?

  I mean, he lives out, you know, like he's-

• 1:16:14Speaker 02

  But he lives on the internet still. So that's the irony of that. Like, he's, he does live on the land or whatever, but the only way, real way to get away from it is to, is truly isolate. Like genuinely, and not ingest anything on the, not participate in any of it. Like, have you ever seen, um, uh, uh, that woman that lives way out in the Arctic Tundra and she lives alone and she refuels planes for, for, uh- But she lives and-

• 1:16:37Theo Von?

  Oh, I bet she's got a hard [BLEEP] on her.

• 1:16:39Speaker 02

  Oh, brother, brother. And she lives way out in the middle of nowhere. And she's kind of this, she lives completely isolated. Oh, Life Below Zero. Sorry, that's what it is. Sue. Sue from Life Below Zero. Yeah, way out in Alaska, way northern Alaska, Cav- Ca- CAVIC.

• 1:16:55Speaker 02

  And she's alone, bro. And there is nobody in sight.

• 1:16:58Theo Von?

  Well, she's a pretty lady.

• 1:17:00Speaker 02

  But this is truly, I am, until the cameras got there, she's disconnected. She lives off the clothes that either she makes or that are given to her. She lives off her own energy and power. She makes her own food. This would be the only way. Truly, you could act, dig a well, disconnect.

• 1:17:16Theo Von?

  Out there huffing gasoline too, that's what I'd be doing.

• 1:17:18Speaker 02

  Right, once in a while you need a bump. I mean, you know, the evenings get lonely. You do want to huff a little gas.

• 1:17:22Theo Von?

  I wouldn't want you to do cocaine out there. I hate doing cocaine and being very cold.

• 1:17:26Speaker 02

  You want to be hot when you're, when you're doing blow.

• 1:17:28Theo Von?

  Being freezing cold and doing cocaine is-

• 1:17:31Speaker 02

  Well, she's huffing a little bit of gas just to give her something to think about at night.

• 1:17:34Theo Von?

  Dude, but that would be crazy if they had like a, yeah, a, uh, a new Bravo show out there. It's like Cold Bitches. Oh, it's cold, but these chicks are still bitches.

• 1:17:46Speaker 02

  But they're still piping hot. What the fuck do you want? Fire-

• 1:17:51Theo Von?

  Polar bears fucking suck.

• 1:17:56Speaker 02

  You want to refuel? Loser. I like when she talks shit to me, if I'm being honest. Mike Rowe is presenting the whole thing.

• 1:18:03Theo Von?

  Salmon again.

• 1:18:06Theo Von?

  Bitches. No matter how cold the temperature drops.

• 1:18:10Speaker 02

  Andy Cohen in Bravo presents Cold Bitches.

• 1:18:15Theo Von?

  I'm a bitch. That's the tagline of the show. Dude, it's fucking-

• 1:18:21Speaker 02

  Who is the iciest bitch?

• 1:18:23Theo Von?

  It's a competition.

• 1:18:26Speaker 02

  Honestly, that's the only way. And that's not us. I'm never gonna be able to live off the land. I'm not the-

• 1:18:32Theo Von?

  You don't think?

• 1:18:33Speaker 02

  I'm a dependent dude. I'm a dependent. Have you ever caught and cleaned something? Like, you've ever cleaned an animal? Have you ever killed and cleaned an animal?

• 1:18:39Theo Von?

  Steve Rinella said he'll take me and teach me how to do some stuff like that.

• 1:18:42Speaker 02

  Brother, it is daunting.

• 1:18:43Theo Von?

  Dude, my brother put on Facebook, if any people have, he just moved into an area in Utah. He put on Facebook, if anybody sees any erroneous squirrels in their area or raccoons, call me up, or doves, and I'll come over and pop them off, right? And dude, he was fucking in a small town. He'd just gotten there. Cause he was just getting into like trapping and shit like that. Like he would fucking set a trap at this at the end of somebody's fucking ditch or whatever. It was crazy. He was not out in the woods. He was doing this shit in town, dude.

• 1:19:11Speaker 02

  Just in Salt Lake City?

• 1:19:12Theo Von?

  Oh, bro, it was fucking crazy, dude. The church called him in. Shit was pretty bad for a bit, but- But he evened it out, but he learned how to like, like he'll make fresh coon over there if we go over there to eat. He'll make a, uh, yeah, just a pot of squirrel meat. Um, he's into it now.

• 1:19:27Speaker 02

  You cleaning something? Like, my grandmother used to do that.

• 1:19:29Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 1:19:29Speaker 02

  In the, in North Carolina, my grandmother, uh, my, my nanny. They would have chickens. They'd had, they had all sorts of animals, but she would kill, clean and cook herself. And what, doing it or even being around it, I'm, I'm, I'm not up for it. I think it's, it's hard to do, man. Like, I'm thankful for farmers and people that do that for us because good God, I've been around like deer is getting cut up after I went deer hunting when I was a kid and I was like, damn, I couldn't do that. I, I just don't know if I could, you would have to at some point for survival. But it takes a lot and it takes kind of a disconnect. You get, you get comfortable with death. You get comfortable with the idea that this is like a mutual agreement between you, the land and the animals and all this stuff. But I don't think I could ever get to a point when I could disconnect and not.

• 1:20:13Speaker 02

  I like people too much to be isolated. I'm a little social, social squirrel. I need to be- Like, you know, when I talk about, you know, I was taking big chunks off from, from drinking and stuff and we have alcohol at my house, but I don't know, I couldn't tell you the last time I drank a beer at my house without friends or family around. Like, my wife and I will never, like, if we cook dinner, we're not having a glass of wine like people kind of do with dinner.

• 1:20:39Theo Von?

  Did you do sober October?

• 1:20:40Speaker 02

  No, I'll just take chunks of time. I'll just, I'll pick a ti- I don't even, it kind of will hit me and I'll go, I'm gonna take some time down and I'll just take a bunch of time down and, you know, just change my perspective on stuff and then, then I'll, you know, go out with a bunch of people and maybe, maybe want to have a drink and then maybe I'll stop again for another couple of weeks or whatever, but,

• 1:20:59Speaker 02

  but I did find that, like, even if it's at my house right there, I'm not interested. I only really enjoy those activities when I'm with other people. Cause I love the social aspect. To me, it's more like, can we go out together? Let's go get a nice dinner. I went to a nice dinner last night with, with my-

• 1:21:14Theo Von?

  Did you?

• 1:21:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, with my business manager, a suite and, and both of them and it's just, I, I like that communal, that's the Irish in me for sure. That's like, sit around, have a cocktail, tell a story, have a laugh, joke, or, you know what I mean? Talk shit.

• 1:21:26Theo Von?

  Irish, yeah. There's nothing better. I mean, that's the purity of life, I think.

• 1:21:30Speaker 02

  Community.

• 1:21:30Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, and just being around your friends, dude, that's been the toughest thing sometimes for me about like, like, my friends, most of them are married and stuff. And so sometimes people are like, dude, like, like, I'll hang out with, like, kind of younger folks sometimes, but it's like, there's nobody else, dude. It's like, everybody's married.

• 1:21:46Speaker 02

  With kids, too, is even harder, yeah.

• 1:21:48Theo Von?

  And so they have families or whatever. And, uh, so it's like, yeah, sometimes you just get, you know, like, you just find people that are still available, kind of, you know? I'm not complaining about it, but it's just like, or maybe I am complaining about it.

• 1:22:01Speaker 02

  No, you're not.

• 1:22:02Theo Von?

  But it, yeah, it's just, it's definitely different, I think, uh, but, but the, anyway, dude, the greatest thing is just fucking being around people. Like, I'll go hang out, like, sometimes around the Vanderbilt football team. Dude, because it's young, dude, they're fucking, everybody's having a good time. The vibes are up.

• 1:22:19Theo Von?

  And it's just fun. It's like, oh, this is fun, dude. I'll go sit over at the, uh, players cafeteria and have lunch over there sometimes with the guys.

• 1:22:25Speaker 02

  That's great.

• 1:22:25Theo Von?

  Dude, we fucking sit there and clown for an hour, bro. I mean, just come, everybody clowning, dying laughing. It's like, it's the greatest thing. There's nothing better than being around some, it's even like guys that work on, like in blue collar jobs, just that lunch break where you get to sit around and fucking laugh. Talk shit, even if it's the same shit you talked yesterday. It's just those moments.

• 1:22:51Speaker 02

  Community matters. I think it's really hard to be alone. By the way, that's not, you're not complaining. I have the opposite effect. So like, since we don't have kids and we're in our 40s, most of my friends that are married do have kids, so it's difficult to hang out with them. I found that more and more is kind of a hiccup of life. But so a lot of our friends now are in their late 50s because their kids are already grown. So they're out of high school, they're off in college or whatever. So they're kind of, you know, they're, they're empty nesters again. So then we hang out with them. So I find myself hanging out with older now couples because their kids are already grown. Versus my closest friends now, they all have babies or four or five year olds and it's great to see them, but it's really hard because their balance is so difficult. And I'm, then I don't judge it because I get how hard it is. Like I know that's hard for them to go, dude, we got

• 1:23:35Speaker 02

  one on the way and this one is this. And so a lot of our friends, like we took a vacation with another couple and, um, and their child is grown. So it's great. So now we get to just, it's just couples again. Do you know what I mean? Like the old days. And, you know, it's, it's, I do have thoughts about it sometimes where I'm like, it is very interesting how that is my section of friends now is much older than us. Only because all my friends have that, they're occupied with, with soccer and, you know, and getting these kids in their, on their schedule. So it's hard, but, it's hard to see, it's hard to, I'm trying to, it's hard that you lose your friends, quote unquote, for a couple of years when they're going through this growing times with their kids. That's been the hardest thing for me growing up is like,

• 1:24:20Speaker 02

  now being in my 40s, not spending as much time with people that I wanted to spend time with. It's really hard.

• 1:24:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:25Speaker 02

  They're, they're, you know.

• 1:24:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, it is a bummer. They're busy and there's nothing you can do about it.

• 1:24:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:29Theo Von?

  And they need to be busy. They're being a parent or they're taking care of their family and stuff like that. It's even tough when it's like spending time with your own parents and stuff or stepfamilies and stuff because it's like, you know, it's a time where your life is kind of like, you're working a lot and not that you can't make time, but it's, you know, it's like, I don't know.

• 1:24:46Speaker 02

  It is harder to make time. I I'm going home. I go home to Chicago now. I'm trying to go home at least every month, at least once a month. That's my goal.

• 1:24:55Theo Von?

  That's great.

• 1:24:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think I need to make, I just want to make more time as my parents have gotten older. Um, it's more important to me than ever.

• 1:25:02Theo Von?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:25:03Speaker 02

  A lot of personal reasons, just because of my connection to my family and, um, you know, they're getting a little bit older. So I just, it, life hits a little bit and I think that happens in your 40s. You start to see your family. You know, you start to see it. And so then I've started to dedicate it. So if I'm anywhere near the Midwest or I'm going east, I'm almost always gonna go home.

• 1:25:21Theo Von?

  You're popping in.

• 1:25:22Speaker 02

  I have to. I feel like it's, um, not I have to, I want to. I just mean like I've dedicated it to myself to be like, go home, go see mom, go see dad, go see, you know, my childhood friends that are living at home and.

• 1:25:33Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. You've always been close to your guys.

• 1:25:34Speaker 02

  While, yeah, I, my, I got a friend literally landing today. Who comes in, comes into my house today. I'm excited as shit. I just think like there, you try to, you try to really covet these relationships and it's really hard because you get busy and no one talks about that. And it really does get hard. You still love these people as much as you ever did, but li- life gets, life gets in the way of friendship sometimes because they get busy.

• 1:25:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, and their patterns change and their responsibilities, like somebody wants to have a family and so they get a wife and they start to have a family and stuff. And it's like, there's not, there's not not room for you in there, but it's a tough room. You have to, you know, kind of get it where you can.

• 1:26:09Speaker 02

  You gotta sneak in where you can.

• 1:26:10Theo Von?

  And that person's, uh, uh, objectives are different at the time, you know? Yeah.

• 1:26:15Speaker 02

  And it's even harder if you don't like the spouse.

• 1:26:17Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:26:17Speaker 02

  I'm lucky. I don't, I, I don't have really any relationships where I don't get on with my friend's spouse or partner.

• 1:26:25Theo Von?

  That's gotta be the worst.

• 1:26:26Speaker 02

  But my wife, oh, there's cold bitches. Andy Cohen produced cold bitches.

• 1:26:30Theo Von?

  Oh, Laura Loomer's in it.

• 1:26:32Speaker 02

  Is that the girl from The Office, the blonde girl? Is that Angela from The Office is on it? And that's, uh, and who's the girl on the right? Is that Isla Fisher?

• 1:26:39Theo Von?

  This is a real show?

• 1:26:40Speaker 02

  No, dude, that's AI did what we said.

• 1:26:43Theo Von?

  Oh, my God, dude.

• 1:26:44Speaker 02

  That's insane.

• 1:26:44Theo Von?

  I'm like looking at these chicks.

• 1:26:45Speaker 02

  That's Anna Kendrick on the far right. Sorry, that's who that is. And who's on the far left?

• 1:26:49Theo Von?

  Uh, that's Kira Sultanovich, isn't it?

• 1:26:51Speaker 02

  That is Kira.

• 1:26:53Theo Von?

  She's not a cold bitch, though.

• 1:26:54Speaker 02

  No, she's not. She's the shit. I love her.

• 1:26:57Theo Von?

  But I could see her casting him in just for the-

• 1:26:58Speaker 02

  Well, none of these women are. We just say who they look like.

• 1:27:00Theo Von?

  For humor, yeah.

• 1:27:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, they do who they look like. I love Kira, by the way. She's so fucking funny.

• 1:27:04Theo Von?

  Dude, one thing I do feel bad about the, about the, when we were taping the special, it just got, was there was some moments where it was like, we gotta figure this out. We had a, Bonnie McFarlane came and she was, uh, just-

• 1:27:14Speaker 02

  So fucking funny.

• 1:27:15Theo Von?

  She was on the show. She's great. I don't know if I'd ever met her, actually. I know Rich, but I just had never met Bonnie.

• 1:27:20Speaker 02

  We all know Rich.

• 1:27:21Theo Von?

  But she had to go back out, like, after she'd already done a set, dude. She was like a saving grace of that.

• 1:27:26Speaker 02

  She's, uh-

• 1:27:27Theo Von?

  I gotta text her and thank her.

• 1:27:28Speaker 02

  She's, uh, she's an incredible comedian and, um, honestly, one of those people where you're like, I, this sounds disrespectful, but I mean in the nicest way. It's like, I, I, I would hope that she was so much more famous. Cause she's successful, but I feel like the world should know her. Cause she's so fucking funny. Some people are so good that you're like, everyone should know you. It's creepy that people, that you're successful, but like the world should know how good you are. That happens in comedy a lot where you're like, how does not everyone know who this person is? They're so fucking funny. You know what I mean?

• 1:27:59Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's, yeah, it's unbelievable.

• 1:28:02Speaker 02

  It, it, it's, it's a pattern of the, it's a pattern of the world of comedy, though. It's very difficult. Whenever someone's like, why this thing, not that thing? I can't tell you. Some things are a shoe-in, right? Like, when I first met Shane, that was a shoe-in. I knew for a fact Shane was gonna be very, you know what I mean?

• 1:28:20Theo Von?

  No, just his look.

• 1:28:20Speaker 02

  Uh, oh, yeah. Th- this one? I just knew, I just knew when I met Shane.

• 1:28:25Theo Von?

  That's so perfect.

• 1:28:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, I knew when I met Shane, you were like, well, people, everyone's gonna know Shane.

• 1:28:28Theo Von?

  Yeah, some of his looks just encapsulate, it's not a generate, but it's just encap, it's so encapsulating-

• 1:28:36Speaker 02

  A mood.

• 1:28:36Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 1:28:37Speaker 02

  A mood that people relate to, yeah.

• 1:28:38Theo Von?

  Such a specific mood. He's got a couple of-

• 1:28:41Speaker 02

  Dude, dude, yeah, he's one of the best. I, I mean-

• 1:28:44Theo Von?

  So entertaining to watch.

• 1:28:45Speaker 02

  He's a once in a generational talent, but some people you know are gonna, but other people, you're like, how come that person is not as, they're so funny. Like, they're so- You know, I don't know, I think it's unexplainable, but.

• 1:28:56Theo Von?

  Yeah, I was so grateful that she even came and was on the show, but I got to message her and just.

• 1:29:01Speaker 02

  Show her some love.

• 1:29:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, I just took it like after that, after everything, I was just like, this is just, it just, it just was all a lot. I just needed like some time to just kind of like decompress at home and just do some things that I like doing.

• 1:29:13Speaker 02

  Are you getting, do you have a hobby that takes you away from all the shit?

• 1:29:17Theo Von?

  Um, oh, I've been going to SCC football almost every weekend in different cities.

• 1:29:22Speaker 02

  But do you have a hobby that you can do alone that takes you away from everything?

• 1:29:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, I like to do yoga, I like to work out at home, um, just go on a recovery meetings, things like that, you know, so those are fun things. I would like to maybe get a new hobby. I think if I get a new house, I could get a dog or something like that.

• 1:29:36Speaker 02

  That's a good hobby.

• 1:29:37Theo Von?

  So that would be great to have, you know, even just to have that.

• 1:29:39Speaker 02

  Great responsibility.

• 1:29:41Theo Von?

  Um, I was just thinking about this, um, oh, how was the, the comedy festival you guys went to, was it good?

• 1:29:47Speaker 02

  Riyadh?

• 1:29:47Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:48Speaker 02

  Wild, dude. It was crazy. Well, the backlash on the internet was even more insane. It was insane.

• 1:29:52Theo Von?

  That stuff seemed ridiculous to me, though. Did you feel like it was?

• 1:29:55Speaker 02

  Everyone is a walking contradiction and there's a, there's a million miles of hypocrisy in people's arguments. And the fact that the community was attacking each other was very strange to me. But, you know, like overall, uh, my feeling about it was,

• 1:30:12Speaker 02

  Jimmy Carr said something that I thought was kind of a powerful statement.

• 1:30:17Speaker 02

  He said, I, I don't always tend to look at where a country has been, you know, because they're all flawed, but I'd like to see where they're going. And he says, I'd like to think that where they're going is an attempt at progress and, and future and growth. And people may disagree with it, but, you know, when, when we went over there looking at the faces of 27, 28 year old kids, that my own American ignorance, I was like, well, they could be riding on camels and they're all wearing cover-ups. They were dressed, you know, like street kids for the most part. It's 27 year old, 28 year old kids who were in jeans and t-shirts. And they just wanted to see us and we met the fans afterwards and it was kind of a beautiful moment, you know, and I haven't dug into the whole thing. Well, I haven't paid a lot of attention to it because there was a lot of noise and hate and.

• 1:31:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, I haven't delved into it.

• 1:31:03Speaker 02

  Well, it's fine. People can feel how they feel about it. That's fine. The world will keep spinning. But there's a lot of hypocrisy out there. There's a lot of hypocrisy and a lot of people contradict, we're all walking contradictions, right? So when you start throwing stones, just make sure, you know, just make sure that your plate's clean. Cause I just feel like, um. Something, something that you've said six months ago, you may disagree with today. And I think at the core root of it, we forget sometimes that we're just comedians. And you and I, when we do shows like this, is like, we want to have fun and make each other laugh and just, and joke around and bring humor to this whole space. And when the community begins to attack each other, you know, I just think it's a detriment to comedy as a whole.

• 1:31:45Speaker 02

  I don't take myself that serious, unless I'm on the golf course, and then I'm fucking dead serious. No, no, no, no, no, but I just don't, I don't, I don't take myself that serious. I'm a fucking stupid clown. I'm a, I'm a, I'm in, I'm an ASU graduate, barely made it out of high school, who went to school for communication because I was confused about what I wanted out of my life and my career. And my whole goal was to make people laugh and feel good. And what comes along with success is responsibility to some degree. But the public's idea of my responsibility and mine are two different things. Mine is to spread love and comedy and make people feel good and laugh and entertain people.

• 1:32:23Theo Von?

  Amen.

• 1:32:24Speaker 02

  And also, and also live my life and enjoy it as much as I can before they tell you to, you're not funny anymore, or to get out of here. So if there's anything I can do, I'm just segueing naturally. My biggest thing now is like, can I make people feel good and also do, do good? And I'm doing this thing on December 6th in LA, LA City Valley College, Southern California Special Olympics, I'm doing a fundraiser. You get to, it's called Ho Ho Homers. You come, come hit home runs off your favorite celebrities. If you're in town, I'd love to have you.

• 1:32:58Theo Von?

  I might be in town that week.

• 1:32:59Speaker 02

  I'd love it. December 6th is Saturday, LA City Valley College, it's for, it's for Southern California Special Olympics. And stuff like that means more to me than all the noise and the bullshit of the internet of opinions over what a comic should or shouldn't do, or whatever that world is. And that to me is the most important thing, is like, can I do good, feel good, uplift other people and comedians in the community?

• 1:33:16Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:16Speaker 02

  And then the rest can fuck off into space, because I'm just trying to do my best, man. I mean, fucking leave me alone sometimes, my good God, you know?

• 1:33:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's, well, it's just, and the media is just so dumb. They, all they care, it's just like about creating controversy. I, it's funny, I didn't think anything of it. I, like, like I've got asked to go to Qatar again in a few weeks, and I think I'm gonna go over there, right? Like, I had a great time when I was there last time, it was so cool to see. A lot of the guys there that are, it's a Muslim country. A lot of the guys we're talking about, first you see their outfits. Bring up the picture of us. Um, and but then you talk to him, the guy's like, oh, I fucking went to Oregon. I went to University of Oregon. Go Ducks. What like, we think like all these people like live in sand castles and are fucking like, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:33:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, there you go. We're in the garb. I also, that was another thing. We asked if that was disrespectful if we were and the guys wanted to give us one. They were like, oh, no.

• 1:34:04Theo Von?

  It was so cool to have. I still have mine at home.

• 1:34:05Speaker 02

  They were very nice. And, and also, you know, I was, I was writing jokes about it because I was like, I don't know if I'll ever joke about it, but I think it was funny. When someone's like, you know, they're all terrorists and you're like eight million people in Riyadh or to all of them are terrorists? What are you, what are you talking about? And they go, well, they did nine 11. And you're like, I thought we said we did nine 11. I thought, remember when you guys were all like, we did it? I thought they said we did. I just think.

• 1:34:30Theo Von?

  Well, we all know who did it.

• 1:34:33Speaker 02

  I think there's a lot of walking contradictions.

• 1:34:35Theo Von?

  Oh, 100%.

• 1:34:36Speaker 02

  Well, so, so it's hard for me to have, it's hard for anyone to yell so loud about something to me because I go, well, nothing is perfect. But if you're trying, if your intentions are right, if your intentions are good, I do believe there's hope for growth. And people are allowed to be mad about it. And I just, what I didn't like, what I don't like is, um, is, is in the community stabbing and going after other people in the community. Because I just think it's an odd move. I don't, I don't understand it. Uh, uh, go, go off. If that's how you want to live your life, enjoy the drama. But I'm in a room, I just don't, I don't give a fuck about your judgmental opinion because you yourself are not on high. Unless you're not, are you, are you tweeting your hate at me from a phone that was mined from lithium by people that were trapped?

• 1:35:21Speaker 02

  What are you talking about? Who made your car? Where'd you get gas? Who made your clothes? Unless you are Sue in Alaska and you, and you live off of yourself in the land, you don't have a lot of room to talk.

• 1:35:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:32Speaker 02

  You really don't. I'm sorry. I, I, I just think.

• 1:35:34Theo Von?

  And none of us, in a lot of ways, you're right. There's so much hypocrisy, man. Yeah. It's like we're, I think we were, we were committing hypocrisy without even realizing it sometimes.

• 1:35:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, we do what we do. We do, we are walking contradictions. The human condition is to be a walking contradiction. Brother, when I was a kid, I, I, I remember feeling like in no world do I feel like I want to get married. I don't really, I was like, I don't want to get married or have a family. I pine for that now as an adult. I'm, I'm, you know, I wanted to have a family. We couldn't have a family. And that changed my perspective and. I remember being in college being like, I don't think I'm ever doing that shit.

• 1:36:10Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:36:11Speaker 02

  That's stupid, that's foolish, that's not for me. I want to be a comic. That's all I need is this and this and this. And your views change, your goals change, your affiliations change, your friendships change, like, you keep changing. You know, when they wrote in your yearbook, never change, that was the worst advice anybody could ever fucking give you. You should change, you should change, you should change a lot. And you should keep growing and changing. I mean, fuck, man.

• 1:36:32Theo Von?

  Yeah, if you're still sitting there playing pencil break and fucking eating your buddy's boogers, so you can have money to buy candy at lunch, dude, you're a sick fucking dude.

• 1:36:41Speaker 02

  Please change. You can't play paper football forever. It is fun, but my god, I was nasty at that shit, dude.

• 1:36:46Theo Von?

  That shit was, but this was the rule, dude?

• 1:36:49Speaker 02

  Right, this.

• 1:36:50Theo Von?

  So fucking dumb. Meanwhile, you're supposed to be learning and years later, you're like, why am I dumb?

• 1:36:56Theo Von?

  Oh, but dude, you're right, dude. Yeah, the end fighting amongst comedians, I didn't understand. People sent me, there was a clip from Marc Maron where he like said something about me in his comedy special.

• 1:37:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:37:05Theo Von?

  And it was like, Theo would interview Hitler.

• 1:37:08Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:37:08Theo Von?

  And I'm like, well, it's kind of crazy that you say that.

• 1:37:10Speaker 02

  Well, he's dead, first of all, you can't.

• 1:37:12Theo Von?

  Well, also, the Nelk Boys just interviewed him.

• 1:37:16Theo Von?

  So, what are we even talking about?

• 1:37:19Speaker 02

  What are we talking about? Right. Well, I think that's two, the other side of the Maron coin, which like, Mark loves to start shit. That's like his whole thing.

• 1:37:25Theo Von?

  He loves this right here. We, I probably, I shouldn't even have brought it up.

• 1:37:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, we don't have to. But I mean, he loves to start shit. Like, that's a part of his, his discourse is talking shit. And a piece of me knows when we talk shit about people we love, we joke around about each other.

• 1:37:40Speaker 02

  There's love behind it. And I don't know if there's love behind with you and him. I don't know your relationship. The internet seems to know, they think they know fucking everyone's relationship, which is even more mind boggling. But I do think,

• 1:37:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's always been fine.

• 1:37:52Speaker 02

  I always think if it's, if, if you joke about somebody, if it's funny, and it's in jest, it's obvious. And if it's not, it tends to be a little bit more obvious. And so, I don't understand that kind of approach. I don't get it. But- I also know, we can all touch a lot of bases, right? Like in the sense of like, I've known Mark for a long time. He fucking annoys the shit out of me. I also, it's like in the comedy buddy space, I have a lot of guys that I, you get on with sometimes, then you fall out, and then you get on, and then you get pissed off at, and then they do these things, but we're all in this coworker space. I do think you shouldn't, I do think there's no necessary need to go after other people. I don't get it, but a lot of times it's not my war to fight, or our wars to fight.

• 1:38:36Speaker 02

  So I let people go do it, that people shoot at us, and I'm like, whatever, man. I'm just gonna still make dumb fucking comedy for my fans until I'm dead, or until they tell me to go away. I'm just gonna have, I'm trying to have the most fun I can with my stupid little dumpling in our little studio, until they tell us to go away. And I don't give a fuck about the drama, I mean, the drama is such like, grow up, give me a fucking break.

• 1:38:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:59Speaker 02

  But you're right, you didn't deserve, you don't deserve to be attacked in a special. That's very strange. I think even Mark would admit, someone I've known for a long time, not been close to, but we've known him from, because of the store. Someone who I think he himself would admit, I would hope, that wasn't the best move to put you in a special. I mean, why? Why? You know what I mean? Sometimes I write jokes about my dad, and I'm like, why did I put that in a special? You know what I mean? Like, a friend, or a friend, or a colleague for that matter, because you're probably not friends, but, I don't, I just don't know, I don't know if it's necessary.

• 1:39:29Theo Von?

  Maybe he just meant it as something funny, you know?

• 1:39:31Speaker 02

  Well, look, yeah, the core of it was probably him trying to write a joke about it, but I don't think you're close enough for that to be, for that to have that kind of, you know?

• 1:39:38Theo Von?

  Yeah, maybe to say, hey, what do you think about this?

• 1:39:40Speaker 02

  That would have been great. If you, if you, if you say to somebody, hey, man, are you cool with me, right, doing this joke?

• 1:39:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:45Speaker 02

  Or I'm just letting you know I'm doing this joke.

• 1:39:46Theo Von?

  But the media also likes to fucking make shit, it's like, yeah, what, our country is complicit in so much shit, like, you know, it's like, one thing that I thought was, like, go into like a Muslim country, like, they have their rules, they have their way of life. It's not my way of life.

• 1:40:03Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:40:04Theo Von?

  It's their rules, I don't know what it's like to grow up there and to live there. I don't know what, um, what like, pros and cons are of having like such like staunch beliefs or like sticking to such doctrines and stuff like that like I don't know I can go and look and see but for me to say that your country needs to be just like our country which has been complicit in a lot of fucked up stuff

• 1:40:27Speaker 02

  the most fucked up shit

• 1:40:28Theo Von?

  not the people but the government right who the fuck am I to go say you know I'm saying like it's really hard for me to be like you guys need to be more like us when it's like well look at all the fucking bullshit that um we're being shoehorned into right that's a perfect statement that we're being shoehorned into

• 1:40:43Speaker 02

  well here's the argument right

• 1:40:44Theo Von?

  and also we don't know what the fuck we're talking about so if you disagree with us that's fine dude

• 1:40:48Speaker 02

  that's fine too I don't care well that's what people say they go well you didn't get paid by the people got paid by the government I said well yeah people bring promoters and companies bring people in all the time I that that's kind of how the globe works as far as entertainment goes people can't produce a show someone has to do it and I think the idea was let's bring western entertainment here uh not in an effort to like avoid some of the bad shit that's happened but more to try to change culture to grow I'm hoping that's my that was my hope for it and people are like just say it was about money it's like yeah dude we perform for money and to bring comedy to people these these two things can coexist the idea that someone's like just say it's all about money no dude it's also about the idea that this is enticing new world it's

• 1:41:30Speaker 02

  like shit dude I've never performed overseas I've literally never performed uh anywhere outside I've done we did London and Dublin I've never done any other country outside of North America yeah and that was kind of fucking wild to me dude

• 1:41:41Theo Von?

  for sure especially all you guys and girls all these comedians going over there at one time

• 1:41:45Speaker 02

  it's kind of wild man

• 1:41:46Theo Von?

  it must have felt otherworldly

• 1:41:47Speaker 02

  it did I mean it literally was it felt like a it felt like a I was put it felt like it was in a in a movie I was like this feels so so out of my own element and and

• 1:41:57Theo Von?

  you get any of that uh

• 1:41:58Speaker 02

  Lebanese food you better believe it no

• 1:42:00Theo Von?

  you get any of that uh that Saudi Arabian cocaine of it

• 1:42:06Speaker 02

  no man

• 1:42:07Theo Von?

  or a little bit of that nose sand

• 1:42:11Speaker 02

  No, I got a wicked eye infection. Instead, I got fucking sand in my eyeball and then fuck it. No, but you know what I think at the end of the day?

• 1:42:17Theo Von?

  You need a colonoscopy. You're like, this thing's fucking-

• 1:42:20Speaker 02

  In my car.

• 1:42:21Theo Von?

  And just because you got sand in your eye, like, this thing is fucked, dude. My butthole's dilated now because this fucking, the bat- the fuse is broken or whatever. It's fucking just like, dude, all you did was brush your teeth and it's like, you're a homosexual or whatever. You're like, what the fuck? We're taking you to church. You have the Baptist setup. We're taking you to church.

• 1:42:42Speaker 02

  It tells my whole family. It sends them all text messages. Andrew's gay. Andrew's gay. Andrew's gay. What? Oh my, yeah. No!

• 1:42:50Speaker 02

  My Jeep did that.

• 1:42:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, I just took a thick shit earlier this morning. That thing's fucking overreacting.

• 1:42:56Speaker 02

  Shut it down!

• 1:42:58Theo Von?

  Dude, is the government still shut down?

• 1:43:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, is that still shut down? Cause I have to fly in a day or two and I'm a little worried about it.

• 1:43:04Theo Von?

  Pull it up on perplexity. Is the government still shut down? Dude-

• 1:43:07Speaker 02

  That's how dumb I am. I don't even understand what that meant when they said the government shut down.

• 1:43:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:11Speaker 02

  I was like, all of it? What do you mean? We, what does that even mean? They're just not, they're not gathering?

• 1:43:17Theo Von?

  The shutdown began on October 1st due to Congress's failure to approve a new budget and now has lasted 22 days. Dude, I'll tell you this, everything's privatized now. Anyway, dude, have you been to the post office, dude? I went to the post office the other day. Okay, dude, I went in there, there was, I'm not even joking, this is true. There's two birds fighting over a fucking box and there was a black woman that worked in there just trying to spray them with Lysol to get them out of the facility, dude. And I was like, what the fuck?

• 1:43:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know that post office. I've been there.

• 1:43:48Theo Von?

  What the fuck is happening?

• 1:43:50Speaker 02

  Well, they have carrier pigeons are back. They gotta keep them under control a little bit. Any government building you enter, you're like, this is, this will be a fucking nightmare.

• 1:43:57Theo Von?

  It's all been privatized, dude. It's over.

• 1:43:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's done. Yeah, it's done.

• 1:44:01Theo Von?

  You have to realize it's a shell, the government, it's just a shell for private companies now. That's all it is. I mean, look at, uh, they're holding the UFC at the White House, right? Which is gonna be unreal.

• 1:44:11Speaker 02

  In that new office that he built. The new, the new ballroom. UFC at the White House is insane.

• 1:44:17Theo Von?

  But think about that. We're gonna be on the lawn of the White House. It's cra- it's become a performance.

• 1:44:23Speaker 02

  And Dana White's gonna be inside gambling inside the White House. They'll just, they'll set up a fucking table for. Dude, I've seen those videos, this guy betting like mil- millions and millions of dollars. I know he's got it like that. But my god, the anxiety of just watching him bet three million bucks makes my insides drop out.

• 1:44:39Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:44:39Speaker 02

  You, is it UFC 250 on the lawn?

• 1:44:42Theo Von?

  This is gonna be so crazy. I better be really nice to Joe Rogan this year.

• 1:44:49Speaker 02

  You wanna, that's, you're gonna get a ticket. Your front row, baby. Your front row. That's insane.

• 1:44:55Theo Von?

  To commemorate the 250th anniversary of the United States, the UFC plans to hold a historic mixed martial arts event on the south lawn of the White House.

• 1:45:02Speaker 02

  I'm not kidding when I say this. I thought you were fucking around. I like, about this, I thought that was, it was an AI generation. I thought that was just a joke, but that is actually the plans to do it. What is that?

• 1:45:13Speaker 05

  It's gonna be on his, uh, Trump's birthday.

• 1:45:14Speaker 02

  Oh, it's gonna be on his birthday. I thought it was on the 4th of July.

• 1:45:18Speaker 05

  They changed it. They couldn't get that date.

• 1:45:19Speaker 02

  Oh, it said that up there. Yeah, okay. They couldn't get 4th of July. They were booked out for the 4th of July. The White House was booked.

• 1:45:26Speaker 02

  They're booked out.

• 1:45:27Theo Von?

  Imagine if they'd unbooked the White House. But that's, you know what I'm saying? That's where we're at. Everything, it's all become, we've, everything has become, um, you know, the post office is because everybody uses Amazon or FedEx now. That's what I'm saying. It's like the government. You take your shit to the post office?

• 1:45:43Speaker 02

  Good luck.

• 1:45:44Theo Von?

  They don't know where it is. You don't know where it is. It's basically a halfway house for mail.

• 1:45:52Speaker 02

  It's a recovery for mail? Yeah.

• 1:45:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's a fucking.

• 1:45:54Speaker 02

  That mail's on his 12th step. It's, uh, it's doing really good.

• 1:45:57Theo Von?

  Nick, what do you think about that? When you hear about UFC at the White House? Nick's a big UFC guy.

• 1:46:01Speaker 02

  He's big, huh?

• 1:46:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:02Speaker 05

  It's, it's crazy. It's like we're living in a simulation. Um, and the fact that they just use perplexity to generate their AI images of the White House is crazy too. It's like they don't use an artist. But it's gonna be wild and.

• 1:46:16Speaker 02

  You're gonna go, Nick.

• 1:46:17Theo Von?

  Wait, who uses that perplexity does that?

• 1:46:19Speaker 02

  They, they're the ones that generated that image. It's set up for TBS. It was TBS Twitter, right?

• 1:46:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, those really look like, uh, AI generated images of their mockups of what it's gonna look like.

• 1:46:28Theo Von?

  Wow. I mean, that's gonna be un- but it's gonna, but it's just like, you know, when I'm saying. That's where we're at.

• 1:46:36Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:46:36Theo Von?

  It's like everything that was governmental that meant like a lot of the things I think that had felt like a lot of purpose and texture and heightened um like something that was almost above us and untouchable is now uh very accessible and maybe I'm looking at it too negatively that it's all just been commercialized um.

• 1:46:57Speaker 05

  You've said it since 2018. Everything's WWE now and UFC and WWE are the same company and it's gonna be at the White House.

• 1:47:04Speaker 02

  Cause UFC owns WWE? Is that true? Is that right?

• 1:47:07Speaker 05

  Uh, yeah, they merged into TKO.

• 1:47:10Speaker 02

  It's a good name.

• 1:47:10Theo Von?

  With William Morris, it's all a conglomerate.

• 1:47:12Speaker 02

  William Morris, the a- the agency, yeah.

• 1:47:15Theo Von?

  This is the thing that's gonna start to happen is they're gonna start to create things and I believe this already happens. They create things and stories in the news to create like a story and then they make um like movies and stuff about it like it's all.

• 1:47:30Speaker 02

  Right. Oh my, it's all, it's all feeding the next story machine. Well, I mean, you know, for Dana, uh.

• 1:47:38Theo Von?

  It's so exciting. I mean.

• 1:47:39Speaker 02

  It's incre- it's, it's, that's wild that it's gotten to the place now where it's this globalized. I mean, it's, it's, it's gotta be one of the fastest, if not the fastest growing sport. I mean.

• 1:47:49Theo Von?

  Well, cause he was fearless. I mean, he was, he said, we're gonna keep this going on during the pandemic. They picked up so many. How big did their fan base grow during the pandemic? Can you look that up?

• 1:47:58Speaker 02

  Well, cause everybody else, right? The only one that operated, right? The NBA was in a bubble. They were like the only ones that operated, right? I mean.

• 1:48:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:04Speaker 02

  I think they're the only ones that did that, like the bubble thing or whatever.

• 1:48:07Theo Von?

  And they were all getting shh, like.

• 1:48:09Speaker 02

  Well, they were, they're all getting fucked, going, leaving and getting fucked up and coming, coming back. How much UFC? Yeah. Oh my God, 40% in 2021 alone. Jesus.

• 1:48:18Theo Von?

  According during the COVID pandemic with overall pay-per-view sales and sponsorships hitting record highs. They were the only show in town. Dana White's fucking, you gotta respect him, man.

• 1:48:27Speaker 02

  I mean, he's a brilliant businessman. He invested in it early on. And Rogan was also there at the beginning. I remember watching that interview on ESPN with him. We watched it literally the other day in the car when he got in the argument with that boxing promoter about the boxing promoter being like, this will never be, this will never be a beloved American sport. And Rogan kept using facts to destroy this guy's argument. And it was so true. I mean, even I remember the old Cage days of like Tank Abbott, right? Is that his name, right? And the San Diego, and the Orange County guys and...

• 1:48:59Theo Von?

  Tito Ortiz, those guys?

• 1:49:00Speaker 02

  And I remember thinking like, man, this is like this wild sport. I didn't even know then. I didn't really think, I was like, will this become like a major thing? Like, will this be ESPN broadcast or pay-per-view broadcast? Like, will this get to that level? I didn't think then it would. I, you know, I didn't doubt it, but I never was like, I didn't know if that was possible. You were like, that's, it seems like a niche thing, but it's not true. American, American culture loves, um, we love one-on-one, yeah, that one, that guy. We love, we love this idea.

• 1:49:30Speaker 06

  It's sort of like human cockfighting in my view, or pit bull fighting. Guys are elbowing each other to the heads. Guys are kneeing each other. They get into leg locks, rolling around on the ground, submission holes.

• 1:49:43Speaker 03

  Joe, you can't respond to that first, Joe. How is that human, how is that human cockfighting? You know what that is? That's actual fighting. You know what boxing is? Well, boxing is a very limited form of fighting. It's kind of a silly agreement. Say like, we hate each other, we're gonna fight, we're gonna duke it out, man to man, but we're only gonna use our hands. That's it. What ultimate fighting is, it's the actual sport of fighting. It encompasses all aspects of fighting. Ground game, kicking, punching, elbows, submissions, all the above. That's why it's much more exciting. That's why it's a much more dynamic sport. What boxing is, is one aspect of mixed martial arts.

• 1:50:14Speaker 02

  It's true, it's one aspect. I mean, it's just one little aspect of, you know, the total package of what fighting, in its, I imagine, in its original form, human-to-human combat, had to been all systems go. It was, it was everything. It was wrestling, it was fighting. I mean, can you imagine the first, you know, the first fighting that Homo sapiens were doing, there wasn't rules. Like, they were fucking, they were, they were probably using rocks.

• 1:50:43Theo Von?

  There wasn't even a referee, there wasn't a referee.

• 1:50:45Speaker 02

  There was one local guy. There was one frail ginger man who was breaking up. Guys, guys, please be nice. One pale ginger was the ref. Yeah, I mean, it's just impressive. It's impressive that it's grown to the scale that it's become. When Joe has taken me and I sit and watch, I'm mesmerized. I mean, I can't lie and say that I'm a huge follower of it because I don't know enough. But I do love watching it because I think it's it's incredible athletes doing just remarkable shit. It's amazing. It's incredible that they get to this place of this kind of training and technical, the abilities. It's wild to fucking watch live. And when you listen to heavyweight tit each other and UFC, you're like, oh my God, dude.

• 1:51:29Speaker 02

  The sound, I mean, you could feel it in your bones. It's nuts.

• 1:51:33Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 1:51:33Speaker 02

  Sometimes it's hard to swallow. You're like, good God, that's not fucking.

• 1:51:37Theo Von?

  But they want to do it. That's the craziest thing, man. Oh, I remember in high school when you'd hear about these kids watching UFC and it was like kids who were smoking dope. And one guy's sister was like call girl or whatever. I mean, you just hear some crazy shit and you'd be like, dude, we can never go around those guys. They're like getting a pay per view of this shit. Where it's like a four pound guy beats up a little fucking Chinese guy or whatever. Or like a strong baby from Vietnam or something. They would have these crazy fucking fights.

• 1:52:06Speaker 02

  Crazy fights.

• 1:52:07Theo Von?

  Like they have a blind black guy or whatever, who's just fucking super violent. And they got him fighting. It's just like this fucking, it was crazy. But now it's like, it just is, it's become so mainstream, but, but they were live during COVID, man.

• 1:52:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, like that fight, that's just, that's a guy that works at Autozone.

• 1:52:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, like fighting with a guy that works at Auto Sandwich.

• 1:52:32Theo Von?

  Dude, that guy.

• 1:52:33Speaker 05

  This was the first ever UFC fight and the guy on the right was in for getting Sarah Marshall. He just passed away a couple of years ago.

• 1:52:39Speaker 02

  Oh, rest in peace, Taylor Willey.

• 1:52:40Theo Von?

  Horrible.

• 1:52:41Speaker 02

  No, great. Thanks, Nick. Now you make us feel bad. The guy's dead. You bring up a picture of a guy who's fucking dead.

• 1:52:46Theo Von?

  I didn't know.

• 1:52:47Speaker 02

  Nick.

• 1:52:47Theo Von?

  I thought that was AI.

• 1:52:48Speaker 02

  Son of a bitch.

• 1:52:49Theo Von?

  I didn't know those were real guys. What's his name? Where was he from?

• 1:52:53Speaker 02

  Taylor Willey.

• 1:52:54Speaker 05

  Hawaii.

• 1:52:55Theo Von?

  Nice. Oh, I got my Hawaii shirt on today, this surfing shirt.

• 1:52:58Speaker 02

  Can you surf?

• 1:52:59Theo Von?

  Kinai ahei. Huihei naloo.

• 1:53:03Speaker 02

  You know what Hawaii means?

• 1:53:05Theo Von?

  Uh-uh.

• 1:53:06Speaker 02

  It's ha va i. And ha is wind, I think. Look this up because I'm going to fuck it up.

• 1:53:15Theo Von?

  Okay, ha va i.

• 1:53:16Speaker 02

  Ha va i. Uh, one is water. It's like, it's broken up. Ha is breath, life force. Vi is water. And uh, E is representing supreme or divine. It's kind of beautiful.

• 1:53:29Theo Von?

  Oh, it's the best.

• 1:53:30Speaker 02

  Hawaii is fucking the best.

• 1:53:33Theo Von?

  They crushed it, dude.

• 1:53:34Speaker 02

  Dude, I love going out there, man.

• 1:53:36Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:53:36Speaker 02

  It's the, it's, it's so funny too, cause of living on the west coast. It's like, either go to New York or Hawaii, same flight time. I'm like, I think I'm gonna go to the islands. Like fuck. Whenever I'm like, it's the same flight time to go to New York. I was like, I'd rather go west. Go out to the island, just disappear out there. I, I honestly, like, I get it. When people go and retire out there. And like, you meet some guy at a, you know, at a local bar or something. He's like, I moved from the state, I moved from Arkansas 28 years ago. I'm never fucking going back. You're like, I get it, dude. It's heaven on earth out there.

• 1:54:03Theo Von?

  Okay, and we moved here. My wife's a lesbian now, but we're still together. You hear that kind of shit?

• 1:54:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, she does, she does the coconuts. Yeah, she does.

• 1:54:09Theo Von?

  She does her thing, I do mine.

• 1:54:10Speaker 02

  I'm playing in a band. And it's going really well. Everybody knows me.

• 1:54:16Speaker 02

  You know, everybody knows me in this little town.

• 1:54:18Theo Von?

  This is fucking great. And you'll see somebody at night, they'll be driving a car. The headlights don't work, but they're shining a flashlight out of the fucking window.

• 1:54:24Speaker 02

  Got a mag light on the side.

• 1:54:25Theo Von?

  It's just like so bootlegged. But I love that, dude. It's just like, it's their own place and they uh, yeah, there's nothing like it.

• 1:54:32Speaker 02

  It's a great, it's a phenomenal spot.

• 1:54:33Theo Von?

  Yeah, all the American things have gotten crazy. Like, it's just like, everything's kind of changed, you know? It's like, Mount Rushmore, they're gonna put a nose ring in one of the guys, fucking. It's just gotten crazy.

• 1:54:44Speaker 02

  Washington's got blue hair now, I think.

• 1:54:47Theo Von?

  Washington's wearing a choker.

• 1:54:51Theo Von?

  Franklin's got a fucking nose ring.

• 1:54:52Speaker 02

  He's got his tongue pierced. Ah, they're building a tongue with a pierce, I got it. And then underneath it says, this shit is fire.

• 1:54:59Theo Von?

  Even those guys, man, they wanted during the American Revolution before, they wanted to like, they were a big part of like the expansion to take over Indians land, like. There's always just been hypocrisy in this country.

• 1:55:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, we live in a hypocritical world and we can't be critical of everyone. We can try our best to do our best, but the idea that we're impervious to criticism is bullshit. We're, we are all walking contradictions.

• 1:55:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:55:24Speaker 02

  You know, and, and the better we are at admitting the fact that we don't believe everything that we used to believe, and that's a healthy perspective, the better we'll get along with changing and growing. I'm a progressive person, right, and the idea that like, I want people to live their ultimate freedoms. So, in that, right, um, I'm very, in a socially liberal world, I want you to be as free as you want to be. I don't give a shit what, you know, what you identify as, who you want to be, gay, straight, whatever you are. I want people to feel free to be their own human. And I think the more that that love resonates with people, the more comfortable we are with getting over the fact that your business is your business. I don't have time to fight with people about how they operate and live their lives. You're not harming other fucking people.

• 1:56:09Speaker 02

  I couldn't give a shit about you and your freedoms. That's the best part of the country. You should feel free as fuck here. And, and other countries should follow suit. The, the problem is, we should stop infighting. If we show the most love for our progressive culture, that we just let people live the way they need to live, the world, I think, will take a note a little bit better. You know, I love that, you know, America gets a lot of criticism, but I do think we're, we are making waves and changes. We just don't ever get credit for it at all because we're continually fixing. A lot of places aren't, aren't updating. They're not doing the updates. We're trying. We are all trying in different ways. Some updates people don't like and it moves fast. And then sometimes people think, oh, well, we're regressing.

• 1:56:52Speaker 02

  But I think if your, if your heart is in the right place to let people live their ultimate freedoms of life, whatever that may be, I think culture will continue to grow and change. It doesn't happen overnight. The world will not change overnight, and neither will the fucking United States. We're all doing our best to get there the best we can. You may not agree with all of it. I don't agree with a lot of my peers. You know, there's friends I have that we don't share the same opinions about stuff. That doesn't mean we're not going to be friends. And that doesn't mean we can't still get on. You know, that, that, like, to say that we're all going to view things and feel the same and think the same, that's fucking insane. That's not a logical way to live.

• 1:57:25Theo Von?

  It's, well, it's also, it's just impossible. It's like if you think like one race should run everything or one group, it's just, that's never going to be the way it is, right?

• 1:57:33Speaker 02

  No, it shouldn't be. We, we, people should. We should, you know, my grandfather used to always say that old, old man thing of like, you know, he doesn't talk religion and politics. He never did, you know? And, and, and he was many frie- he was friends with many people that had different politics and religion than he. Didn't mean he couldn't be, couldn't get on with them.

• 1:57:51Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:57:51Speaker 02

  Right? Now there's a divisive movement of hate, separate, and I think that's fucking sad shit. I think educating, talking, empathy, I think all these things help people grow and less, less infighting, less drama, less bullshit, less hate, less vitriol. Cause it comes from an awful place. That's spiraling into, we're spiraling into a negative, negative fucking world, man. Bad. It's weird. It's bad. I think the only way out is to do good as much as you can in your life and your community with your loved ones, your family and your friends. And push, push more positive shit out to people. I mean, it sounds corny, but I mean it. Like, stop the bullshit, dude. All this fucking, then the internet is like fueling negativity.

• 1:58:35Theo Von?

  And it's when we click on it, it's when we watch on it, you know? It's like, uh, yeah, Poirier says that all the time. He's like, man, I don't watch it. If it's something like, if it's gonna be gossipy, if it's gonna be that kind of stuff, don't bring it into me. I don't, I just don't want that in my world.

• 1:58:49Speaker 02

  Doesn't need it.

• 1:58:49Theo Von?

  Yeah. And our worlds get affected pretty easily. You don't think about it. It's just like a pool of water and it's like you put this bullshit in and then you're fucking sitting there swimming in bullshit, you know?

• 1:58:57Speaker 02

  And I don't want to swim in bullshit.

• 1:58:59Theo Von?

  Yeah. And I'm not, yeah. And nobody's perfect. And I'm not saying that I'm great at it or anything, or even that I do it well. But, um, to, to be conscious of it, that the people that are creating things for you to see, they may not have your best interests at hand. You know? I think the days of that being, or even pure truth. Dude, one of the worst things was after the comedy special and people were making articles and stuff.

• 1:59:25Theo Von?

  People would find old videos of me talking about stuff on this podcast and put it out like it was new.

• 1:59:30Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 1:59:30Theo Von?

  And so then there was like emotional stuff, like we've talked about a ton of stuff on this over the years. Like, I mean, I kind of like, I'm kind of a late bloomer and I like kind of came in understanding some of my own life and thoughts and feelings a lot on this during podcasting and fucking people like. Even like positive groups were like putting shit. I was like, why would you fucking put this? I'm getting thousand people have sent me this thing and you're like acting like it's brand new today. This is from five years ago.

• 1:59:58Speaker 02

  Right. Date it. They should date it.

• 1:59:59Theo Von?

  I don't know. It's all like, and I, I, there was a ton of nice stuff. I, I mean, it was all nice. All comes from a good place, but it's just, it's all kind of fascinating, you know?

• 2:00:08Speaker 02

  You know what I learned? I think I've learned in the more recent years, and I mean this is, um, all of us. All of us are little tiny kids in a big adult shell pretending that we know what we're doing.

• 2:00:21Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 2:00:21Speaker 02

  I don't care how intelligent you are, how adjusted you are, how well to do you are, rich, poor, no matter where, where you come from. We're all little kids in this big shell pretending that we know what we're doing. It's like a little tiny guy driving the machine and we all think that we're, we know what we're doing, but we're not. We're all insecure, broken little children who are just trying to pretend to be adults and, and, and figure our shit out. We're all figuring it out.

• 2:00:47Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:47Speaker 02

  It's, it's all a lie. It's all a lie. This, we're all, you know, like no one is more mature than one. No one has a better idea of how the world's gonna work. Your opinions are, are as base as the next person. You're just a little kid inside of a human shell. And so I think remembering that gives me some solace that I'm like, this guy isn't better than me, isn't smarter than me, isn't whatever. We're just little kids in a big body. That's all we are.

• 2:01:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:12Speaker 02

  Trying to, trying to do good if you can and, and, and that's it. And, and have, have empathy for the idea that you don't really know somebody. You don't really know them until you know them.

• 2:01:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:25Speaker 02

  Shooting at them is not gonna do any good, you know?

• 2:01:27Theo Von?

  Amen.

• 2:01:27Speaker 02

  Stop taking shots at people. It's just weird. I don't get it.

• 2:01:29Theo Von?

  I mean, yeah. I don't know. I think recently I've just been thinking of all the grace that God has had in my life. When you think about that dude, just like all the times that something could have been bad or that he was like supportive or all those things, you know?

• 2:01:44Theo Von?

  But yeah, man, you're right. We're all just, everybody's just hopefully trying their best.

• 2:01:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:01:49Theo Von?

  You know?

• 2:01:49Speaker 02

  And continue.

• 2:01:50Theo Von?

  And learning as we go.

• 2:01:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:01:52Theo Von?

  And we don't know what the fuck we're talking about also people, so.

• 2:01:54Speaker 02

  Well, we know what we're talking about. I don't know if it's right for anybody else, but I know how I feel. I know, I know where my heart's at. I know where my soul's at. Imperfect people trying to just figure it out. That's, that's it, you know?

• 2:02:07Theo Von?

  Um, are you guys done trying to have a child, do you think?

• 2:02:11Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think also our age now, like we're at an age now in our 40s where I think it's like, you know, we've accepted it, so to speak. I mean, I know that's not the, it's not the right word, but we're, I'm okay with where we are now and we'll see what the future holds in terms of like, what is our next adventure in life? You know, where do we move? Where do we go? Who do we support? You know, I have a 54 year old Asian boy that I take care of every day of the week. A little Korean boy. He's kind of my child. I feel like I've adopted a lot of children that I work with. In a sense that like you're, you producers and we have young producers, editors and I've kind of take them under my wing. I think my children have started to become um, my community. You know, if I can help out new comics or if I can give advice or if I can

• 2:02:56Speaker 02

  lend a hand or do these charity events or something, I think that's become a little bit of my child, you know? To me, if I can do that, that's, that's become my focus and it may change.

• 2:03:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:03:07Speaker 02

  But I think for now that's where I'm at, you know?

• 2:03:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, I start thinking about that kind of stuff. Like if I don't have kids, then it's okay, you know, it's like I'll find like other ways to be of service or um, you get little pieces of family from other people or maybe I'll just, you know, uh, spend that time more just with my own family that we didn't get when we were young and that's kind of like the part that I get out of life that my spirit gets this time, you know? And maybe there's something else next time, you know? Maybe it just gets to uh, kind of remake old thing, you know, redo things that weren't close.

• 2:03:43Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 2:03:43Theo Von?

  Or have a new experience with some of those things and that's um, the parts of love that I get out of this time and that's okay.

• 2:03:51Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 2:03:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:03:52Speaker 02

  You know, I look at it as you've ever seen that, cause you've never seen that game? That um, it's in an arcade. You could look up a picture of it. But you, you put in, you put in quarters or change and they pile up and there's a thing that slides back and forth. You've seen that thing, right?

• 2:04:05Theo Von?

  I love that.

• 2:04:06Speaker 02

  Right. And the idea is like you keep putting in money into that thing. You may never and probably never are going to get the full flush of the coins. Someone else will though. So it's kind of like a sociological experiment in a way too, right? Like your greed could supersede, right? But there is something interesting about this that like, If you looked at it in a beautiful way, you're kind of loading up coins for someone else to have fortune. It may not be for you, you know? So it's kind of, that's kind of the story of life. I mean, seriously, I know it's a little cheesy, but it's almost like you're just loading up coins and doing right. It doesn't mean it's going to pay off for you, but it may pay off socially for the future, for somebody else. And isn't that kind of dope? Like, that's why I think doing, doing something for other people, whether it's charity groups or lending a hand or whatever,

• 2:04:51Speaker 02

  that's kind of my idea. I probably won't be there to see the reward, most likely. But that doesn't matter. It's kind of dope that I know that someone's going to feel that. Cause you felt success and reward, right? And so when something has blessed you with success and reward, isn't it cool to know someone else is going to get it? Whether or not you get to enjoy it, that's not the point. The point is the knowledge that it will and may happen, or may happen.

• 2:05:12Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. I mean, there's people that have helped me along the way and I wouldn't have had the, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be in a place for success or what? I mean, we're all just kind of like a composite of the people that have supported us.

• 2:05:22Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 2:05:23Theo Von?

  Or the composite of the love that's been shown us, you know? And even our outcomes are.

• 2:05:31Theo Von?

  Thanks, bro.

• 2:05:32Speaker 02

  Thank you, dude. This was fantastic.

• 2:05:34Theo Von?

  I gotta come ginger, I gotta come bad guys.

• 2:05:35Speaker 02

  You gotta come, you gotta come. You gotta come see us. You gotta come see us.

• 2:05:38Theo Von?

  I gotta come bad friends.

• 2:05:39Speaker 02

  We'd love to have you back. You know that. I love, I love to see you around. I know you're out and about and you're moving a lot, but take time for you, do whatever you gotta do to center yourself and enjoy, enjoy, you know, some rest of time and get away from all the bullshit for a little while.

• 2:05:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:05:55Speaker 02

  You need it.

• 2:05:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, I do need it. I do need to make sure that I keep that a focal point. And yeah, I appreciate you asking about it, man, and I appreciate you checking in. And um, yep, Bad Lies, Whiskey Ginger and Bad Friends.

• 2:06:07Speaker 02

  I got them all. No Bad Lies, Whiskey Ginger, Bad Friends. Go watch them all on YouTube and podcasts and all that. Come see me live. Go to andresantino.com and come see the boy, you know, doing some new dates.

• 2:06:18Theo Von?

  Yep, we got tours coming up. And also you got White Noise that's on Hulu.

• 2:06:22Speaker 02

  Yes, go watch that on Hulu. Or internationally, if you don't live in the United States, you can go watch it on, it's on Disney Plus. They're all under the same, the mouse, the mouse house umbrella.

• 2:06:32Theo Von?

  Were they good to work with Hulu?

• 2:06:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, you know, they let me kinda, they let me kinda figure it out. We were kinda working it out as we went along. You know, this is their first foray into specials.

• 2:06:42Speaker 02

  With Burr and Sebastian and Gaffigan and, you know, they had a great lineup, too.

• 2:06:48Theo Von?

  And Bobby too, right?

• 2:06:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, Bobby's doesn't come out till next year. He doesn't film it till January, January or something like that?

• 2:06:53Theo Von?

  That's cool. You guys are both doing it on there.

• 2:06:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm proud of the kid. And we're trying to do a show with Hulu. Hopefully they'll wanna, you know, we sold them an animated show and we're waiting for the yes. It's amazing. It's like stories from our high school. And, um, uh, we are, uh, everyone that's a young person is a bug and all the adults are humans. And Bobby's a roly poly and I'm a lightning bug. And it's kinda great, man. It's this beautiful dumb friendship show about stories from our high school about how we, you know, you felt like you were in, but you were out sometimes and-

• 2:07:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, Bobby was using-

• 2:07:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was big into it. I mean, he couldn't get away from it. But he was still like this brilliant little artist who couldn't get out of his own way and-

• 2:07:34Theo Von?

  Oh, that's a perfect description.

• 2:07:35Speaker 02

  So we use all these stories and put that stuff in there. It's kinda, it's kinda fun. So hopefully we'll do that. Hopefully that'll come up and that'll come to fruition, but otherwise just come see me live and watch Bad Friends and No Bad Lies and Whiskey Ginger and that's that. Yeah.

• 2:07:46Theo Von?

  There he is.

• 2:07:46Speaker 02

  Look at us. Who is that? Yeah.

• 2:07:48Theo Von?

  Oh, that little bok choy termite right there.

• 2:07:50Speaker 02

  Who was that say? That's, that's not us, but that's not our picture. I don't know why they, I don't know what that photo is. But yeah, we did, right. We did an animated pilot that hopefully it's in the works at Hulu. Hopefully everyone will get to see it. That's my boy Nick Kreis on the right who helped write it and put it together with us. And, and that's Bobby on the left looking like Bobby does.

• 2:08:09Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, he's kind of like the handicapped Michael Landon.

• 2:08:14Theo Von?

  Andrew Santino, thanks so much, brother.

• 2:08:16Speaker 02

  Thank you, bro.

• 2:08:43Speaker 00

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