Elizabeth Banks Returns

Elizabeth Banks feels blessed about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Elizabeth sits down with Conan to talk about actually being Conan’s friend, her experience working on Wet Hot American Summer, and her new Peacock series The Miniature Wife. Later, Conan does a staff review with his Team Coco doppelganger, Senior Podcast Producer Sean Doherty. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 0:06Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 0:07Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 0:08Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 0:09Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:19Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 0:55Conan O'Brien?

  Ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first, but didn't live up to the hype?

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, all the time.

• 1:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I did that with an all potato restaurant.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:06Conan O'Brien?

  Marketers know that feeling. They optimize for the numbers that look great, like impressions, but then they don't see revenue. You know what I'm talking about, Don't You Sona?

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, all the time.

• 1:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, LinkedIn has a word for that. Bullspend.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  Bullspend.

• 1:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, instead, you can get the highest ROAS of major ad networks with LinkedIn ads. Cut the bullspend. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 and get a $250 credit. Go to linkedin.com/conan. Terms apply.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  Hi, my name is Elizabeth Banks, and I feel blessed.

• 1:44Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  About being Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 1:50Conan O'Brien?

  You are a terrific actress.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Thank you. That was, that took a lot.

• 1:54Conan O'Brien?

  You might be the best.

• 2:17Conan O'Brien?

  Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm sitting here with Sona of Sessi, and blessed to be sitting with you, Sona.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  Hey, that's nice.

• 2:25Conan O'Brien?

  And also filling in for Matt Gourley is our trusty David Hopping. Hello. Also blessed. Also, oh, yeah, sure. You're also blessed to be sitting here with me, too. I think you're more blessed to be with me. But anyway, you're hanging on by a thread. We have something to talk about today, which is Sona, apparently, and I have not talked to her about this yet, but she told me that she had a very intense fracas, it's a word you don't hear much,

• 2:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:52Conan O'Brien?

  on the street with somebody. And I want to hear what happened. Tell your tale, Sona.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  It was not a pretty sight. So sometimes, look, sometimes when I'm walking Okie, I have her leash.

• 3:04Conan O'Brien?

  Let's slow things down a bit. Okie is your dog.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Okie is my dog. I'll take her off the leash for a little bit of the walk. A lot of people do it. Cops have driven by, nobody cares. But this one day, I'm walking by this guy's house, and I have my headphones in, and I hear him just like talking to me. And I turn, I take off my headphones and I turn around, and he's filming me. And he's going, walking your dog off a leash is a crime, you C-word.

• 3:29Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 3:30Speaker 02

  And then I'm not kidding.

• 3:32Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, don't move past that. He called you the C-word?

• 3:34Speaker 02

  He called me the C-word, like 45 times.

• 3:38Conan O'Brien?

  Not that there's, wait, what?

• 3:39Speaker 02

  I'm not even kidding. It was like this crazy man. And the thing is, like, I was shocked at first when I turned around. And then I turned around and I was just like, fuck you. And then I start screaming at him. And he's yelling at me, calling me the C-word over and over and over again. And then at one point, and Okie was such a dick for this.

• 3:57Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, Okie's still there. I thought he had left. I thought Oki had left and had gone on a flight or something.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  She did not like the vibes. So she starts walking into the street. And it makes me look bad because she's like, I'm like, yeah, he's like, he was walking a dog. It's off the streets. It's a crime. You see where it's like, he's foaming at the mouth. And then Oki walks in the street and he goes, look, your dog's gonna, your dog's gonna die. And I'm gonna help kill it.

• 4:24Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 4:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. And he's saying this crazy, crazy stuff to me.

• 4:28Conan O'Brien?

  Is, uh, this man's had a break of some kind, you think?

• 4:31Speaker 02

  I don't know what's going on. I have no idea. But of course, like, instead of just being like, sir, you need to calm down, I yelled back at him.

• 4:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 4:40Speaker 02

  And I'm just calling him the F word. I'm saying he's an old pathetic loser. Like, I'm saying all this awful, and the...

• 4:48Conan O'Brien?

  Because you run hot. I've, I've been with you. When Sona sees red, it happens instantly.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:53Conan O'Brien?

  And I remember a time, I'm sure we talked about it years ago, when you and I were in, uh, we were in New York and we were at, I think, Sarah Beth's or something on the Upper West Side.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:05Conan O'Brien?

  And we were with a friend of yours and

• 5:06Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:07Conan O'Brien?

  an old man across the room shushed us because you were talking a little loudly. And you, I saw your pupils disappeared and your eyes were just all white. And you were like, excuse me, excuse me. And he was like, too loud. And you were like, you think I'm too fucking loud? And I'm just, the whole time I'm thinking, oh, this is page six in the post? Because I'm sitting here like an idiot.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:32Conan O'Brien?

  And I was trying to calm you down and you only get angrier. You went a little crazy too. So this guy

• 5:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:39Conan O'Brien?

  he yelled at the wrong person.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  He's matching my crazy. And he's like, but the thing is though, he's filming me. So he's on the, he's on the, he's in front of his door. I'm on the sidewalk. We're just standing here like they're yelling at each other back and forth. And then, uh, I'm, I'm just like, oh my God, where's this going? Like, where's this film going? And is it, is it, am I gonna get canceled for being ageist? So I'm just like, at one point I switched and I'm just like, why are you being so rude? And then I

• 6:09Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, you decided to clean it up a little bit?

• 6:14Conan O'Brien?

  This is after, this is after you've already bitten him in the leg?

• 6:18Speaker 02

  I said some awful stuff. And then at one point, he kept calling me the C word. And I was like, you're lucky I liked that word. I go, I reclaimed it. So fuck you.

• 6:28Conan O'Brien?

  I want to see this video so bad. No, we have to see the video.

• 6:30Speaker 02

  I Googled it just in case. No, it's not.

• 6:32Conan O'Brien?

  How do we find the video?

• 6:34Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 6:34Conan O'Brien?

  Do you think this guy knows how to post a video?

• 6:35Speaker 02

  I don't, he probably posted it on like Nextdoor if he posted it anywhere. But also, it won't make him look good.

• 6:40Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe he doesn't know. Maybe he thinks he buried the phone and said a prayer. And he thinks that's how it goes out. Like, he might not know. Some people.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 6:48Conan O'Brien?

  I wouldn't know how to post a video.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  Yes, you would. You have people do it for you.

• 6:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:54Conan O'Brien?

  When he, I mean, yeah, at this point, I have David take me to the bathroom.

• 6:59Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna find the guy and I'll post the video for him.

• 7:01Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

• 7:03Conan O'Brien?

  That would be a great video to see. But it is upsetting that he called you that.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  He called me it. I've never heard that word come out of a man's mouth that many times. So, he's so angrily. And then, at one point, I was walking okey and he went back inside. And then I just see him pop out of the back of his house and he starts filming me again. And it was, it got cartoonish at this point.

• 7:22Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe he had a crush on you.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  I mean, maybe he wanted this. I don't know.

• 7:26Conan O'Brien?

  That is how I used to act towards women I really liked.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 7:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I would wait and I would film them and I would shout the C word. And you know what? It didn't work.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 7:35Conan O'Brien?

  Until it did.

• 7:39Conan O'Brien?

  Liza said, I love this man.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  Aww.

• 7:42Conan O'Brien?

  He speaks what, he speaks his mind. Um.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:45Conan O'Brien?

  But no, that is, that's intense.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  It was intense.

• 7:48Conan O'Brien?

  So, how far away do you live from this guy?

• 7:50Speaker 02

  I, he's like around the block from me.

• 7:52Conan O'Brien?

  So, what are we gonna do?

• 7:53Speaker 02

  So, here's then what happened. I went home and I told Tac what happened. And Tac got really upset.

• 7:59Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  And Tac's like old school. You can't, you can't say stuff like that to my wife. And so I was like, let's sleep on it. I bet it's funny tomorrow. And it was.

• 8:06Conan O'Brien?

  So, you both gummied up?

• 8:07Speaker 02

  So, we both gummied up.

• 8:08Conan O'Brien?

  He can't talk to my wife that way. Let's take a gummy and do. Mmm, tropical fruit. Mmm. Snore, snore, snore, snore. Ah, hey, where were we? Oh, yeah, that guy. Let's get him.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  So then the next day, you know, we're at home. We dropped the boys off at school. We, we come back home and I'm just like doing stuff. And I didn't hear from Tac for a minute. And then I heard the door open and he came back and he's like, I talked to the guy.

• 8:35Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  And I'm like, what do you mean you talked to him? And he just knocked on his door. The guy opened the door and Tac was like, if you ever talk to my wife like that or threaten my dog, I'll have you arrested for assault. And then he walked away and then the guy started being like, fuck you, fuck you, you know, just like crazy yelling back at him. And then he was, I think he went to go get his camera and then went out and started filming Tac while away.

• 9:00Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it sounds like he got the message.

• 9:03Conan O'Brien?

  Had you guys, had either of you seen this man before?

• 9:05Speaker 02

  Never saw him before. I never saw him before, but he really, uh, we're not gonna walk by his house anymore.

• 9:13Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna say something and this just occurred to me because we, this is the time that we live in. Going up and knocking on someone's door like that.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  I know.

• 9:20Conan O'Brien?

  That because we live in this era where someone can shoot you through the door and say, I was standing my ground, whatever. I don't know. I, I don't know that. I, I respect what Tac was doing. He was standing up for you. I have mad respect for Tac, but that, I don't know if you should be doing that.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  I told him not to. I told him, I said, I said that exact thing. I was like, what if he shoots you through the door? And he goes, well, then that's murder, right? And I'm like, yeah, but you'll be dead.

• 9:45Conan O'Brien?

  I showed him.

• 9:48Conan O'Brien?

  Tac's up in heaven. I showed you. Oh, wait a minute.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  I know. I think it was just eating him up inside. And also I, I don't, I think that guy's all talk. I bet if I walked up to him, he'd be scared.

• 10:00Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I think? I think you should assume he's all talk and keep harassing him at his doorway.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:06Conan O'Brien?

  That's just my advice as a friend. Get him in, oh, put on masks and tease him at night, right at his doorstep.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, you know, my petty side kicked in and I was just like, should I just take Oki's poop and spread it all over his lawn and the front door? Should I egg his house like I used to egg houses and back when I was in high school? But then I slept on it.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  And then the older

• 10:28Conan O'Brien?

  Dummy.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  mother version of me kicked in and was like, you know what? Let's let this lie.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  She sent her kids up.

• 10:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I would stay away from this guy. And if anyone harasses him, it should be me. Uh, and it should be done in a way that we can monetize for the show.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  Get the clicks.

• 10:43Speaker 01

  Oh, that's nice.

• 10:44Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I mean?

• 10:44Speaker 01

  That's a good way to

• 10:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 10:45Speaker 01

  Resolve it.

• 10:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  What the fuck?

• 10:47Conan O'Brien?

  Well, what was that? Did you make a big noise over there, Billy? I dropped my pen. Dropped your pen. We got like, he got pots and pans over there. He's like the sound effects guy on a drive time show. I'm making Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. I'm making some of my podcasts goulash. No, I was gonna say we could Scooby do it and make him think his house is haunted. I think either

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Let go in it?

• 11:04Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, I'm just saying, what you're saying, dress up in masks and stuff. If we could engineer a way for you to be shot through the door.

• 11:11Conan O'Brien?

  Then we've got something. It's just something to think about.

• 11:18Conan O'Brien?

  All right. We, we gotta move on here.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 11:21Conan O'Brien?

  I, I have so many good ideas today.

• 11:25Conan O'Brien?

  My guest today is an actress, producer and director. You know her from such films as Wet Hot American Summer, Pitch Perfect and The Hunger Games. Now you can see her in the new Peacock series, The Miniature Wife. I just adore her. I love it when she comes by.

• 11:43Conan O'Brien?

  Elizabeth Banks, welcome.

• 11:48Conan O'Brien?

  This is one of those ones where the fact that, uh, the guest has to say anything about being my friend is ridiculous because we are really good friends.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  I know, I love you.

• 11:56Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, one of the great discoveries was that, uh, you and your, uh, super cool, uh, husband are just such nice people and fun to hang with. And we've hung out in a bunch of different situations and had a blast.

• 12:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:12Conan O'Brien?

  So

• 12:13Speaker 01

  We have a blast. I know, it always feels, I always feel weird whenever I do someone's podcast where I know, like where we have like a actual relationship.

• 12:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  That this becomes like a weird, like, performance of our relationship. Do you know what I mean?

• 12:27Conan O'Brien?

  But you know what? This

• 12:28Speaker 01

  We're just gonna perform being friends.

• 12:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 12:33Conan O'Brien?

  I know we've hung out

• 12:35Speaker 01

  It'll go great.

• 12:35Conan O'Brien?

  On a steam mountain for days on end.

• 12:39Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, and

• 12:40Speaker 01

  I know I convinced you to order those mashed potatoes and that milk bread that time.

• 12:45Conan O'Brien?

  Our kids have thrown rocks at each other and we've intervened.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Your kid broke my TV once, as I recall.

• 12:52Conan O'Brien?

  I think he did. He did, yeah. My son, always into tech and likes to take things apart, but then not put them back together.

• 13:00Speaker 01

  He was like, I got it, I got it. And then we turned on the remote control. We were like, we have no idea how to turn our TV on ever again.

• 13:07Conan O'Brien?

  Well.

• 13:08Speaker 01

  No, it's a delight.

• 13:09Conan O'Brien?

  Try to bill me. Try to bill me. There's a lot to talk about. I really, I'm very excited about this new project of yours, which we will talk about, The Miniature Wife, because it looks fantastic.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  It's a fun, it's fun. It's absurdist.

• 13:22Conan O'Brien?

  And you're opposite one of, I mean, you're one of my favorites and then you're opposite one of my favorite people who I don't think I've met.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  Matthew McFadyen, yeah.

• 13:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  He, he doesn't want to meet you.

• 13:32Conan O'Brien?

  Damn it!

• 13:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:33Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I, I've been in an airport lounge with him and he has left the airport lounge.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  Wow. Interesting.

• 13:39Conan O'Brien?

  And canceled his flight.

• 13:42Conan O'Brien?

  He is so.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  No, he's a delight.

• 13:43Conan O'Brien?

  He is so good in everything. And so the idea of you two together, and this seems like a really funny idea, I absolutely love.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's The Miniature Wife. See, this is me now. I have to like, tell you what it is, right? The miniature, is that what I'm supposed to do? The Miniature Wife is premiering on Peacock in April. And yeah, it's this really fun, absurdist comedy about a couple who have a lot of relationship issues and are working through them, but then he accidentally shrinks her to six inches tall. And she becomes his miniature wife.

• 14:18Conan O'Brien?

  I like how you add, you just toss that in.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:21Conan O'Brien?

  Like, everyone does that. Yeah, and you see where this is going.

• 14:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 14:24Conan O'Brien?

  She shrunk to six inches, but it looks really funny. And so I am excited about that.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 14:31Conan O'Brien?

  And just also excited to have you on. We have a lot in common. We're both Massachusetts people.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  I still have my Patriots nails on from the Super Bowl.

• 14:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  I did. My nails for the Super Bowl, and then I kept them because, you know, we have the red, white, and blue colors for the Olympics.

• 14:47Conan O'Brien?

  Nice.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  And all of that-

• 14:48Conan O'Brien?

  And you're also a patriot.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  All of that's gone great. I am very patriotic. I just wear red, white, and blue nails at all times.

• 14:55Conan O'Brien?

  I had my nails painted for Ken Burns's Revolutionary War documentary. So, we all have our different reasons.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  How good is that documentary?

• 15:02Conan O'Brien?

  It was fantastic.

• 15:03Speaker 01

  It's unbelievable.

• 15:04Conan O'Brien?

  Let's talk about that instead. I like the part where George Washington is shrunk down to six inches. Yeah. Yeah. No one's ever coming. You're from Massachusetts, and, but you're from a part of Massachusetts that might as well be, you know, Oz to me.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:18Conan O'Brien?

  Because I grew up right outside Boston in Brookline. And you could practically roll out of bed and, and, and step into Boston. You're in Pittsfield.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 15:27Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think I've been in Pittsfield in my life.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  That's you and many, many, many people.

• 15:32Conan O'Brien?

  It's way out there.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's in Western Mass, on the border of New York. So, we were sort of like a suburb of Albany. And in fact, I grew up in what we call in Massachusetts, a divided house, a Yankees-Red Sox house.

• 15:44Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I've heard of those.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, my dad's radio growing up, his whole life, the news that they got was out of Albany, New York, so it was a lot of Yankees. And my mom, who's from Boston proper, Red Sox family. So, grew up very much like, we would go, it's, I sort of live equidistant between New York City and Boston, so we'd go down to Yankee Stadium, and we would go to Fenway. And every year, we still have that tradition. I took my dad last summer, we'll go again this summer. Like, it's still our tradition to watch the Yankees and Red Sox.

• 16:14Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I'm a, I'm a good deal older than you, but I don't know if this was your, your experience growing up, because things may have changed. The Red Sox-Yankee rivalry became more genteel at some point. And I also think baseball in general, because teams switch up their rosters practically every year.

• 16:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:31Conan O'Brien?

  I come from the era where, you know, the Red Sox team stayed the Red Sox team and changed very little for years and years on end. And it wasn't a rivalry with the Yankees. We- Hated, hated them, hated them. And everyone in Boston hated them and they hated us.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:52Conan O'Brien?

  And there were fights, I mean, between players and there were brawls and it was this vitriol. And late now, I, it feels like it all got more genteel. Do you know what I'm talking about?

• 17:03Speaker 01

  I do. I, I absolutely agree with that, actually. And I don't know how that happened. When did that happen? It's interesting. Yeah, I remember the Big Poppy years, the Damon and all those years were like, yeah, you, you, well, because also the rivalry was we would get so close. I watched them win, the Red Sox win against the Yankees going to the World Series in a, in a hotel bed, like crying, like, you know, like, finally.

• 17:32Conan O'Brien?

  When they finally won the World Series, I had the same thing. I was crying and calling my brothers and we were all emotional and, I mean, crying for us means slightly moist eyes. Which could have been pollen, by the way.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  That's the Irish way. That's the Irish way.

• 17:47Conan O'Brien?

  So you grew up in Pittsfield and then you're, it's like, it's also rural, so I picture you like running around with unicorns.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  We did, unicorns is interesting. Do you know how many people think unicorns are real? Unicorns and dragons, real. I love that.

• 18:00Conan O'Brien?

  I didn't know that.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  That's like our shared mytho, I'm fascinated by humanities, shared mythologies and that's one of them is unicorns and dragons, right? Because dragons were in every culture and they never existed as far as we can tell. And so you're sort of like, what were people all over the world in different cultures imagining the flying lizard thing was?

• 18:20Conan O'Brien?

  I'm okay.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  And we all agree that it just, it's like in all of our literature.

• 18:24Conan O'Brien?

  I will believe in a, in a dragon long before I will believe in a unicorn. And I'm just saying this to anyone out there that thinks there's a unicorn, there is no unicorn.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  No unicorn.

• 18:33Conan O'Brien?

  There never has been a unicorn.

• 18:35Speaker 01

  I had a friend from Australia who 100% believed unicorns were real. As an adult woman, I had to be like, I, they're not. I don't know how to break it to you and I felt terrible.

• 18:43Conan O'Brien?

  There's a medication for that.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  I didn't grow up with unicorns, but I did, I did go cow tipping. And I had one of those um, very like John Hughesian uh, high school experiences, you know? Yeah, running around in the woods and like, like wheeling, rolling kegs out into, you know, a cornfield. Um, by the way, running, you know, hiding in, in cornfields, hiding off the pontoon boat on the lake. Where we were all skinny dipping and like, you know, very classy Americana.

• 19:17Conan O'Brien?

  I've never been naked, so I don't know.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  I imagine you covering your junk with a washcloth in the shower at all times. Like, just doesn't want to take a peek.

• 19:30Conan O'Brien?

  Liza, Liza once saw me naked and I shrieked. Oh, no. And I'm suing her. I feel violated. Um, so you know what's funny is you were a jock. You were really good at it.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  Sporty. I don't know. Yeah, I was sporty. Yes, I was.

• 19:45Conan O'Brien?

  You were a big old jock.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  Can you imagine?

• 19:50Conan O'Brien?

  You were a weightlifter and a shot putter? You had a thick, I've seen pictures of you thick neck. Thick. Your neck just went right into your head.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  It's called, yeah, it's called bulk.

• 19:59Conan O'Brien?

  It's called bulk.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  I had bulk.

• 20:02Conan O'Brien?

  But you uh, you were a great softball player, right?

• 20:05Speaker 01

  I was. I was on the all-star softball team and I.

• 20:08Conan O'Brien?

  And that was kind of the track you were on.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  Well, I needed money to go to college.

• 20:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 20:12Speaker 01

  So I definitely thought like, I better be sporty and maybe I'll get like recruited. So I don't know. You know, when you're 13, what do you know? Um, and so I was really into it. My dad loves baseball. That's why we've been talking about it. It's so funny. And um, he was like a coach and he was, he was just really into it. So it was also just, I'm, I'm the oldest and it was sort of my way of really spending a lot of time with my dad.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  And played a lot. And then I was sliding into third base at a practice. And I spiral fractured both my tibia and fibula. And my, my like foot was hanging like sideways to my knee, like 90 degrees, just dangling off there. And I spent a really long time on crutches and in a cast. And that fall, which at the time was the worst thing that had ever happened to me and was a dream crusher on every level.

• 21:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  Um, and separated me from all my friends and the thing that I like to do. I, I found acting because of it, which is crazy.

• 21:13Conan O'Brien?

  That's interesting because this ties in with this theory. I try to tell this to young people. There are so many times where this giant boulder lands in your path and you're convinced.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:23Conan O'Brien?

  This is the end.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  You did it in your, you said that in your, your commencement speech.

• 21:28Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you think it's over and then you, you take a different road. And you think, well, this is, and I think I've, I swear to God, I've had like seven of those. And then later on, you think, oh my God, look at the life you've had.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Of course, it is so hard to see it in the moment.

• 21:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you can't, you can't. You gotta go through it.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  There's no seeing it in the moment. You have to get all the way through it and then sort of take that look back. And, you know, the older we get, and Lord knows I'm so old now.

• 21:53Conan O'Brien?

  You're a child. I'm looking at a child right now.

• 21:56Speaker 01

  And you, but you get that, that perspective comes more and more and more. And all those, all those like really big feelings you had about these very big moments in your life, they really start to fade, don't they, those feelings? They just get a little smaller and a little gentler. And they're just so much easier with all that. And I feel so easy about that time in my life when in fact it was really, really bad.

• 22:18Conan O'Brien?

  Like the, yeah, and, and you're, you're crushed. And I think, I actually think that is maybe the biggest role of being a parent is just to provide perspective because there's so much we can't, you know, initially, once you're past the feed them, help them grow, get them clothing and shoes. Once you, you know, there's all that stuff. But then there's this whole part that you and I are probably getting into more now where it's just explaining to them, it's not as bad as you think it is.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  I know.

• 22:50Conan O'Brien?

  Literally, that's 99% of the job.

• 22:53Speaker 01

  It's, it's 99% of life.

• 22:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And them saying, uh, yeah, you're not right, you're an idiot.

• 23:09Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:12Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen. You know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 23:27Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 23:40Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5 N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 23:59Speaker 02

  Hello!

• 24:00Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 24:34Conan O'Brien?

  Sona, what are some of the things in life that really get you down?

• 24:36Speaker 02

  Uh, driving?

• 24:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  That's the first thing that popped in my head.

• 24:40Conan O'Brien?

  No, but I've seen you drive and it's true. I'm always picking mailboxes out of your grill.

• 24:45Conan O'Brien?

  You're a creative driver. Uh, look, let's face it, just living on Earth can be a lot, right?

• 24:51Speaker 02

  It can.

• 24:51Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, oy vey, it's a lot.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:53Conan O'Brien?

  There's gravity, there's mosquitoes, there's the, you know that they say the sun is going to, at some point, go supernova and incinerate the Earth, probably in five billion years?

• 25:02Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 25:02Conan O'Brien?

  But watch your diet, we might be sticking around for that.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 25:06Conan O'Brien?

  So, cosmically speaking, you've earned a break.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:08Conan O'Brien?

  And you know where this is going? I think you do.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  No.

• 25:10Conan O'Brien?

  Pluto TV.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  Oh, right, of course.

• 25:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, to escape all of these hassles in life, you gotta get Pluto TV. Turn off all your earthly problems and turn on the movies and shows you already love. You've seen them, but you wanna see them again. They're old friends.

• 25:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:23Conan O'Brien?

  Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Dirty Dancing, Alias, X-Files, Pluto TV is completely free.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 25:30Conan O'Brien?

  These streamers, all these things cost so much money these days. And I won't mention that when I do an ad for them, but...

• 25:36Conan O'Brien?

  No subscription, no fees, zero dollars. And as any mathematician will tell you, zero is one of the most profound numbers ever conceived. I was thinking about that this morning.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Wow, that's profound.

• 25:46Conan O'Brien?

  I really wasn't. The best thing on TV are free. Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

• 25:55Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 26:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:01Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself. Not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself. On a walk with a cousin? With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?

• 26:21Speaker 02

  Because it's family.

• 26:22Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 26:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:26Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife? I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:33Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.

• 27:03Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 27:25Speaker 02

  Being a parent of teenagers, which is me now, is...

• 27:29Speaker 01

  Whew, it's uh, it's so hands off on so many levels. And then also, like you, I'm really watching how and being reminded how hard it is to be a human. Like, it's just so hard to be a human and function properly and take care of yourself and other people in any decent way.

• 27:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  And we have so little leadership to point to at this moment in time. And so you're sort of like, right, teaching them how to be a decent, like, it's just, it's impossible.

• 27:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 27:58Speaker 01

  It's impossible, watching them.

• 28:00Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I, I, I think that the, I was so proud once of the fact that I've calmed down. I have more perspective, um, I'm slower to freak out. And I was really giving myself a pat on the back and I was talking to, um, my mother-in-law about it. And she's, you know, she was a very smart woman and, and she had, you know, trained as a therapist. And, uh, she, so I was explaining to her, yeah, I've really come a long way. And I think, and she said, well, yeah, well, your testosterone levels have fallen a lot.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 28:34Conan O'Brien?

  And, and I just was, I explained to her, I, I never had a lot of testosterone.

• 28:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:41Conan O'Brien?

  They've actually gone up, uh, I'm taking a pill now, but no, it's, but, but she was right. I realized, oh yeah, there's, okay. So much for my zen wisdom.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  That middle age really, you know, remember, we're, we're like two generations away from people who only live to 50, right? So like, once you're past that, you're in some evolutionary place that humans have never really been in.

• 29:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  And it is so true, I was, you know, I was talking, I had a girls' week in Utah recently.

• 29:10Conan O'Brien?

  I was not invited.

• 29:11Speaker 01

  My favorite thing.

• 29:13Conan O'Brien?

  Did you think you would be? Yeah, I like to be invited to a girls' week.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:16Conan O'Brien?

  I blend right in.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  He does.

• 29:18Conan O'Brien?

  We'll get a mani-pedi and.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  We had, yeah, we did, we did have massages. Um, but just talking about how little we give a shit about so many things that used to really get in our craw. And now we're just like, I think it's just, we don't. You literally lose the hormones that make you care enough to like mate and do child rearing.

• 29:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yep, yep.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  And now, and now I don't have any of those.

• 29:45Conan O'Brien?

  Right, right.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  I'm like, I don't really, I mean, do whatever you want. I'll do whatever I want. Does that seem like a good plan for the next 50 goddamn years?

• 29:56Speaker 01

  Really? We're gonna keep this going?

• 30:00Speaker 01

  Because my body is saying, nope. It's over.

• 30:06Conan O'Brien?

  This is what you have to look forward to, kids. If you're in your twenties listening to this, that's what's coming for you. You know what I love a detail about, about you, which makes total sense now, is that growing up and you get into acting and the person, your role model, you know, I was thinking, who would, who would, was your bank's role model be as an actor? Who would she want to grow up to be? And, and it makes total sense, but yours was Harrison Ford.

• 30:35Speaker 01

  I love Harrison. I want to be L. Well, first of all, when people ask me, you know, you were, I was a real go getter. I was a straight A student, you know, I'm like a hard worker like you and it's so really, it is a work ethic thing. I just believe you get up every day and you gotta do something with your time. And might as well like, you know, get an A in math and whatever, I don't know. And so I've just always like had this work ethic, like this like engine inside me. And someone was asking me about like how that fed into everything else I ever did. And I was like, I was competitive with boys, always. Like I, oh, and it's, I think it's because the world was not made for girls. And when I looked around, I was told you can be anything you want to be.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  And everywhere that I looked, the boys were getting to do that. So I was like, just really competitive with boys my whole life. And so when people ask me like, who did you want to be as an actor? I'm like, I wanted to be Indiana Jones and, and I wanted to be Han Solo. And I wanted to go on adventures and I wanted to have these incredible, like, that's what I wanted. And the damsel in distress was not interesting to me and like, you know, I, I think it really just comes down to. I'm, I came into this like raring to go and wanting, I want my piece.

• 31:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  And if you're a woman, you're, the, the men get all the pieces. So it's like, I don't know, it's always, it did not occur to me to not have my role model be Harrison Ford.

• 32:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I mean, and also when I look at your career, yes, you have had this great on camera career, but you really quickly was like, I'm gonna be producing, I'm gonna be writing, I wanna be directing. I'm imagine, that was not an easy thing for you to break into.

• 32:24Speaker 01

  Um, no, it wasn't. I mean, it took a lot of planning and hard work. Definitely wasn't just luck. It was something that I was ambitious about and wanted to do. Um, and of course you have to be in the right place at the right time and all those things have to line up and you have to find the things, you know, it's, I think my last movie was the movie that speaks to this point the most though, right? Like, I feel like I was starting to get like, well, she makes movies with like a lot of women in them. And I was like, well, then I'm gonna make Cocaine Bear.

• 32:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. So good. And I maintain, maintain, uh, maybe, uh, there's like, one of the three best movie titles of all time. Incredible. When I heard that, first of all, I'd be up for anything that you were involved in, but when I heard that it was Cocaine Bear, I was, I, I became a cocaine adult bear. You don't need a trailer, you just wanna see it.

• 33:10Speaker 01

  No. We said that, we were like, it's like Snakes on a Plane. You know exactly what it's gonna be, guys. There's gonna be a bear, it's on cocaine. Um, I only say that to say, I, I don't like, I, I don't, I like surprising people. I don't like being put in a box. I feel like I still have a lot to offer. And nothing's gone the way I thought it was going to.

• 33:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, well, nothing ever does.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  Nothing ever does.

• 33:31Conan O'Brien?

  It's a, it's a kooky football play. This was the idea, and you're gonna break that way, and the hole's gonna be over here, and then I'm gonna throw that way, and then, uh, hut, hut, hike, and then, bang.

• 33:42Speaker 01

  Giant blitz.

• 33:43Conan O'Brien?

  Everything goes to shit, and then the next thing you know, you're running through the stands with the football. And it's illegal, but you're still going.

• 33:50Speaker 01

  No.

• 33:51Conan O'Brien?

  And that's been my experience in show business and in life in general.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I agree.

• 33:56Conan O'Brien?

  And, you know, but I love that idea that you were not having it. And you were, this is what I'm gonna do. And what's interesting is, and there's no way to say this without embarrassing you, but you are a very beautiful, you're a very beautiful woman. And I imagine that people can dismiss, you know what I mean? It would be easy for people to say, here's this stunning, stunning blonde bombshell.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  I'm just your type.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  I appreciate it so much. But like, if you love, if you love Padma Lakshmi, like, I'm not for you. Do you know what I mean? I love you for saying this.

• 34:39Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm just saying.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  But I'm also like, come on, Conan. I just look very like, much like your life.

• 34:50Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 34:52Conan O'Brien?

  I did, I did think I was marrying you, to be honest. I didn't have, didn't have contacts at the time. No, yes, my wife is very.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  I appreciate all that.

• 35:01Conan O'Brien?

  My wife is very beautiful. You are both very beautiful, but I'm just saying it's, I remember, I mean, I didn't know you the first time I started seeing you and things, when I saw you show up on 30 Rock. You are quite stunning. And I don't know if that makes it easier for people to say, what do you mean you're gonna produce? Or what do you mean you're gonna direct?

• 35:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, also, I was, so yeah, I was like, look, I'm that blonde actress, small boobs, and I have a husband that produces with me. So it's like, okay, the actress and her husband are gonna make a movie? And it's like, I get, yeah, we're gonna try our hardest. I don't know. It did, it was, it, it. I don't want to say it's easy to dismiss somebody who's good looking because I've had a lot of success being good looking, so I'll take it over the, uh, over anything else every day. I had a, I had a lot of champions. You have to do the work.

• 35:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 35:59Speaker 01

  And so at the end of the day,

• 36:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  I just put in the work and I didn't really think about what I look like or any of that stuff. It was just, I, I absolutely have faced a lot of obstacles for it. I was literally told by a big producer once, I just don't think men are gonna follow you as a director. And I was told like, women just, you just don't get action movies. Like, you're never gonna be able to do an action movie. I mean, I literally had, like, people look me in the eye and say those things to me.

• 36:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  So it, I don't want to dismiss the obstacles, but I'm, I really, it's like what we were just saying about having a lot of grace for those moments in time. Just, you know, they, they build you up and you, you move through it and you just do the work and put your head down and that's, you lead by example. That's all I've ever tried to do.

• 36:47Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I would say to anybody that has played any kind of party game with Elizabeth, been in a social situation with her, been in any, uh, seen her out in the world, um, yeah, I would, I would put you in charge of the forces invading a country. I want to know more about the party games. Oh, don't fuck with her.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  That's true. I actually just got, I got kicked out of playing Settlers of Conan with some friends, you guys. I don't know if you know this nerd game that everyone plays. I was, I got, it's a game where you, um, it's kind of, it's an older game now. It's been around for a hot minute, but essentially you have to negotiate with people for things. Like, you're trying to build the longest road and you're trying to build a civilization. You're a settler of this island, Conan. And so you have to negotiate. And I basically, I became such a cutthroat negotiator. Like, no, you will give me that wheat. Because you da-da-da. And I, and like, where people were just like, it's getting too intense.

• 37:47Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 37:47Speaker 01

  You can't, you're not allowed to play with these people anymore.

• 37:50Conan O'Brien?

  We touched on this last time, so I won't go into it. But let's just say, I was in a situation where I was playing this fun party game with kids and adults. And at one point, someone said, you know, Elizabeth wants to speak to you. And I went, and your face had become a mask.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 38:08Conan O'Brien?

  And you, I don't even think you were there anymore. And you were telling me what needed to happen. And you were 100% right. She was 100% right. And I was like, whoa. And she's like, you know, pull yourself together, man. Here's what we're doing. And in that moment-

• 38:23Speaker 04

  We're trying to win.

• 38:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we're trying to win. Pull yourself together. But I just- She slapped me. But in that moment, I saw like, hey, Eisenhower did a great job with D-Day. But had he not been available and we had a time machine, I'd get Elizabeth Banks. And I think we would have been in Berlin a year earlier.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. I would have handled that.

• 38:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Really, really impressive.

• 38:48Speaker 01

  This entire theme of our conversation so far is, is my intense competitiveness. I'm failing it.

• 38:54Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, I, but also, I don't have any issue with that. I like people that care. I like people that do the work, have a really strong work ethic. And I think the rule is, you need to treat other people well.

• 39:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:08Conan O'Brien?

  And sometimes, it can be tempting if you're, if you're really incredibly determined and psyched to not treat other people well, and you have to watch yourself all the time. Or you can be brusque with people. And David, of course, you've never seen that happen once. Okay, you're dismissed, by the way.

• 39:26Speaker 04

  Bye-bye.

• 39:28Conan O'Brien?

  But, so, yeah, it's, it's a constant challenge, but I, I think do the work. Do the work.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:34Conan O'Brien?

  And care, care about it.

• 39:36Speaker 01

  It is funny, I mean, I, you're bringing up a, I, I've definitely had those moments too, though, where, as a leader, I'm like, oh, not everybody wants to work 100 hours this week. That's just me? I'm like, oh, right. That's, it's, you do really have to take care of people that are, you know, I'm, I'm, I want to go a million miles a minute, although less so now. I say that like every day.

• 40:00Conan O'Brien?

  But you know what? Here's the thing, cuz I say that all the time.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  I know.

• 40:04Conan O'Brien?

  And Liza's, and I always saying to Liza, why do people make me? And she went, she'll always step in and go, no one's making you do anything. You had this idea. You said, we're gonna build a giant catapult.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 40:18Conan O'Brien?

  And, you know, whatever.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Going around.

• 40:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly. So it's my own, it's my own doing. You always will say like, hey, let's try to keep the schedule a little light next month and then.

• 40:26Speaker 01

  That's.

• 40:27Conan O'Brien?

  Say yes to everything.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  I say it every month of my life and it's never, it never happens. I'm always like, oh, yeah, I, saying no, no is a complete sentence. Here we go. And then I'm like, well, if you can make it work with the schedule. And then someone's like, so you wanna do it? And I'm like, well, I'd be interested in doing it if it works with the schedule. I think that's a worthwhile thing to, to pursue and do. Okay, so we're doing it. Oh, we're doing it? Oh, shit, okay, well, I guess you scheduled it.

• 40:58Conan O'Brien?

  But then I switch, but then I switch into this, I'm indignant. Yeah. That someone made me do this. Yeah. And I'm like, who is it? There's no winning. Who is it, David? Why is this on the schedule that Conan builds Stonewall? He's gonna start recording every conversation. In the woods of Maine. And then it's like, you wrote me a text that said I've agreed to build a Stonewall in Maine.

• 41:21Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 41:22Conan O'Brien?

  So yeah, that's my own doing. I'm curious, um, cuz you talk about this dynamic, being a woman in this industry, uh, and also trying to manage being in a relationship. I feel like all of this would be addressed in this new show a little bit.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 41:40Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 41:41Speaker 01

  I love a segue.

• 41:42Conan O'Brien?

  No, but don't, I mean, that's what I was thinking is like this, there's this obviously really cool looking if, cuz if, if, if people check out the show, it, it's, it's a very cool, when you shrink down and you're having these scenes with Matthew, it's a very cool looking, like fun looking, uh, dynamic. But then I'm thinking like, this is talking about something that's probably close to your heart.

• 42:05Speaker 01

  I definitely, it's based on a short story and I, when I read the story, it really is about how you minimize your partner's feelings and how women generally are very minimized and, um, it, it, it's how culturally that happens, but also in relationships like between, in, in the power dynamics in a couple. And, um, I definitely felt like it was a fun metaphor, like a very on the nose metaphor. And then also we get to really play with it because this character is very complicated and not a great person. Neither one of them are particularly great people. And you're kind of like rooting for them to figure out that they're the best version of each other when they're whole and together. Um, the show was really technically challenged.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  My, my husband, Max, said that he thought it was the least mentally prepared I was for a job ever. And I think-

• 42:56Conan O'Brien?

  In what way?

• 42:57Speaker 01

  He was right. I just didn't realize how technical being six inches tall was. I was on a green screen half the time. Matthew and I were separated. I live in a literal dollhouse, which was great. They built like a replica of my home that I live in, but he's in a real sized house, like doing everything. And then they would make these incredible life-size props. So a remote control that's six feet tall, bigger than me, that I like can't push, you know, I'm trying to push buttons and a mini, a travel-sized toothpaste that's, you know, comes up to my chest and a giant Chanel lipstick at one point because still gotta look pretty when you're six inches tall. I guess patriarchy.

• 43:44Speaker 01

  You know, it was-

• 43:45Conan O'Brien?

  Sure, yeah.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  It was really fun. Um, my, my co-star becomes, um, like a doll, like a, a, a, uh, action figure, like a, a guy who goes to space, you know, and things like that. So it was really, the technical stuff was really fun and wild. At one point, I jump off of a toilet onto a plunger and they built a life-size 30-foot tall plunger that I like wire onto and slide down and-

• 44:15Conan O'Brien?

  It's incredible.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  Like a toilet plunger.

• 44:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's amazing. I have moments.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  I walked onto set, I was like, who, how does this, I don't know people's brains are incredible.

• 44:25Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, where's this AI I've been hearing so much about?

• 44:28Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 44:29Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, but I have so many moments in my life because I went down this crazy stupid path. Where I step outside my ba- body and say, what are you doing? I'll be in an absurd situation, an absurd outfit, doing an absurd thing at my age.

• 44:47Speaker 01

  I know.

• 44:47Conan O'Brien?

  And you just do it because it's the work.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:50Conan O'Brien?

  And then you're standing there and you're stepping outside yourself and you catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflection and you go, what happened?

• 44:58Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 44:58Conan O'Brien?

  And so you're thinking, okay, I got into this to be Harrison Ford and I'm jumping off a toilet onto a plunger.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  It's on a wire on a giant green screen. And by the way, so vulnerable, I've never felt this vulnerable either. I would, I was, I would stand on this giant green box 30 feet in the air. So I would get like wired up onto it. I'm in all this gear and the whole room is green, except for the area where the crew is. And right before action, I would be like, okay, so where am I again? Right, so I'm in, I'm outside, it's snowing, there's a cat chasing after me. I'm going to jump off this building, which is just a curb on the street because I'm only six inches tall. So I'm pretending I'm on a curb on a street outside and it's snowing and there's a cat and action.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  And like, I have to imagine all that in my brain because I'm just seeing green and like Larry, the, the grip, just walking over to get, pour a coffee at, at the craft service. Cause he's not doing anything, you know what I mean? And so I, I, I was like, what is going on? You know, and they're all just sitting in front of me and I, I finally, I said, guys, I, I actually need you to bring in like some curtains or something. I, I can't.

• 46:18Conan O'Brien?

  Right, that's too much to ask.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  Alone in this space, trying to imagine all of these things happening to me. So I can take the audience on the journey of the six inch tall woman.

• 46:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  And watch, you know, everybody like chit chatting over the donuts. Like can we, I need a, I need a curtain, I need a curtain. So every, they literally just slayed a curtain in and put, slid like a 20 buy in and just put every, everybody behind it for me.

• 46:45Conan O'Brien?

  It is too much to ask when you're in those situations and someone walks in.

• 46:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:52Conan O'Brien?

  You know, they're shaving or something in front of you.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:56Conan O'Brien?

  I find that to be, I have, I have been there. You know, it's funny because I was thinking about you've, you've done, you've, you've had all this high-profile success, but probably, I'm gonna guess, one of the things you hear about the most is a project that at the time, you thought, okay, that came and went and no one cared, which is Wet Hot American Summer. Like, that has gotta be, that's one of those projects that had all of its life later, is that right?

• 47:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. It premiered at Sundance in 2001. I was, one of my first films, I actually had to pick my name to be in that movie because I'm Elizabeth Mitchell. And there was already an Elizabeth Mitchell in SAG. Shout out to her, she was lovely. She was on Lost, one of my favorite shows forever. And, um, so I had to change my name to Banks. And we were at Sundance. We thought it was just the greatest thing ever. And then, no one cared. It didn't get, did no business. And then it started showing, I remember in New York, I wanna say like at Webster Hall or somewhere, it started showing like late. Like how they used to do, um, Rocky Horror Picture Show.

• 48:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 48:02Speaker 01

  And, so they were, they were having these screens and it was getting like a little traction. And this is back when DVDs happened. So then people just had the DVD of it, I guess. And, nothing, it completely changed my life. I went to Sundance, I met my, still my manager to this day, 25 years now it's been. And started going on real auditions, some of which in those very early days, I auditioned for, uh, to be in Spider-Man and Catch Me If You Can, and that led to Seabiscuit, which actually put me on the map in Hollywood. And then, uh, years later, got an audition for Forty Year Old Virgin because all those guys, Seth and Evan and all those guys were addicted, you know, loved it.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  And I know I was in Forty Year Old Virgin and suddenly, oh, she's funny. And then I got Thirty Rock. So like, truly, and I'm still friends with David Wayne, I took him on a USO tour a while back.

• 48:54Conan O'Brien?

  That's great.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  We literally went all over the world together, the director, writer-director of it. And I, nothing, yeah, I, I still to this day, I'm like, that changed my whole, I can't believe I'm part of that insane ensemble.

• 49:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's, there are these movies that I think right after Fargo, I could be getting this wrong, but I think after Fargo, which, you know, wins, it's an Academy Award-winning film and it's a huge deal. The Conan Brothers, I think, made Big Lebowski and

• 49:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:21Conan O'Brien?

  People were like, what's this? And this is weird, you know, and it's at the time even people making it, you know, on the set, we're probably thinking, what is this? We're making giant bowling pins and what's happening here? What are we doing? And then, um, you know, that's probably their, that's the movie that people know every word to, every single word, and it's become this, um, I don't know, this text that everybody, that generations memorize.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  I'm gonna shout out, we were, we were skiing, um, Conan knows where I ski. And, um, we were skiing and we were getting lunch and this, the waiter brought our lunch out and he was shaking and he had sauce all over his face. And I didn't quite clock it at first, that he was, he was basically like, I have barbecue sauce all over my face. And he was doing like an homage to the barbecue sauce scene in what had, from 25 years ago. This like 22 year old and he was so excited that he was talking, and I shout out to this guy, cause he really committed to the bit.

• 50:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  It was very impressive. All my friends were like, what is happening? And the minute we got it, he just lit up with joy, like, okay, it works. Like she understands what's happening.

• 50:41Conan O'Brien?

  And then you had him fired.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  Like a dear, like when people are like, what's the weirdest thing a fan's ever done? That's close to the top of the list.

• 50:49Conan O'Brien?

  But you know, that is, um, is, it's one of those gifts that just keeps giving. Where you do something, you made it, that's a very discreet time in your life when you're very young and then, uh, you know, someone who's, wasn't born.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  Literally not born.

• 51:06Conan O'Brien?

  Not born when that was made is now so hears that you're out there.

• 51:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:11Conan O'Brien?

  And needs to do this to connect with you. And that's the nice thing too, is in those moments, you wanna be the person that they want you to be.

• 51:20Speaker 01

  I know.

• 51:20Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I mean?

• 51:21Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 51:21Conan O'Brien?

  You don't wanna be like, hey, you know, get that sauce off your face.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  Get that off!

• 51:30Conan O'Brien?

  You know, uh.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  No, I always, look, I, I get to come and talk to you and get to do these things because people watch the things that I make.

• 51:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 51:38Speaker 01

  Like, period, full stop.

• 51:39Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 51:39Speaker 01

  If people didn't care about the stuff that we made, you and me wouldn't get to be here. So I'm constantly like, ah, thank you so much to anybody who cares at all to watch it. It amazes me constantly.

• 51:52Conan O'Brien?

  Um, so what is, okay, you've, you've made this show, uh, and what is the, what's the next step for you? And what's going to the future? Are you really gonna try and calm down a little bit? Or is that total bullshit?

• 52:04Speaker 01

  I literally started, I literally started off.

• 52:06Conan O'Brien?

  Cause I'm not, I'm not gonna calm down.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  I was in a writer's room yesterday, Conan.

• 52:11Conan O'Brien?

  How much do you love a writer's room?

• 52:13Speaker 01

  I love a writer. Who doesn't love a writer's room?

• 52:14Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I think there are people that don't, probably, but I, I.

• 52:18Speaker 01

  Oh, I love it.

• 52:19Conan O'Brien?

  It's the only place, I stop them from doing work. None of us know if Conan's in the office and then we just hear a bang and a scream downstairs when he goes in the writer's room. I always kick the door open in a dramatic fashion and they go, whoa! And all of us up here like, well, he's here. And then I start doing a very over the top bit, um, and then.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  Are you carrying coffees in? Or why you gotta kick the door?

• 52:39Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, I don't give them anything.

• 52:40Speaker 01

  Right, that's, okay, I was just confirming.

• 52:42Conan O'Brien?

  It's not about giving, it's about taking.

• 52:44Speaker 01

  I was confused, yeah.

• 52:45Conan O'Brien?

  This is where you and I are very different. I'd have torn that guy with barbecue sauce on his face a new asshole. How dare you, sir! I'm trying to enjoy my aperitif! Manager? Um, yeah, so, uh, uh, well, this has been an absolute joy. I, uh, I love you dearly and yes.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  I love you too.

• 53:11Conan O'Brien?

  Um, you look, you look a lot like my wife.

• 53:17Speaker 01

  It's not weird.

• 53:18Conan O'Brien?

  It's not weird at all, and I think Max gets it, right?

• 53:22Speaker 01

  He does, he gets it.

• 53:23Conan O'Brien?

  He gets it, he's, and you know what the nice thing? Not threatened at all by me. No man is.

• 53:31Conan O'Brien?

  Take your shot, Conan. Take your shot.

• 53:35Conan O'Brien?

  Well, uh, thank you so much.

• 53:37Speaker 01

  The miniature wife on Peacock.

• 53:39Conan O'Brien?

  Miniature wife on Peacock, and um, I've never met your co-star.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  Matthew McFadyen. I'm gonna tell him to come hang out with you.

• 53:47Conan O'Brien?

  We'll just tell him that, cause he also did a show um, about the assassination of Garfield. I think it's called Death by Lightning.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  He did.

• 53:55Conan O'Brien?

  And um, he plays the assassin, Gittio, uh, Charles Gittio. And I mean, that guy can be anything he wants to be.

• 54:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, his American accent is really good.

• 54:07Conan O'Brien?

  It's better than my American accent, yeah.

• 54:09Speaker 01

  Most people don't realize how British he is.

• 54:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm kind of obsessed with him. Uh, and so when I heard you two, I'm, obviously I'm obsessed with you. So when I heard you two were making uh, something together and I checked it out and it's really great. And so, um, congratulations.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 54:25Conan O'Brien?

  Please come back tomorrow.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  We'll both be busy.

• 54:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 54:32Speaker 04

  I'll start managing your schedule too.

• 54:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, how do you get into my schedule?

• 54:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  Someone will, I'll reluctantly say yes, and then I'll just be here.

• 54:40Conan O'Brien?

  I'm judging a potato sack race in uh, in Quebec. All right. God bless you. God bless you. God bless you.

• 54:55Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 54:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 54:58Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 55:12Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 55:25Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5 N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 55:44Speaker 01

  Hello!

• 55:45Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid.

• 55:48Speaker 02

  It should.

• 55:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View U.S. News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 56:19Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that 1 in 4 Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them?

• 56:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:24Conan O'Brien?

  You fell for one.

• 56:25Speaker 02

  I fell for a scam.

• 56:26Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.

• 56:28Speaker 02

  I did lose, and it was very inconvenient, and now they put protections on my account like I'm, uh, dumb.

• 56:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I don't know where they got that impression.

• 56:38Conan O'Brien?

  Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:55Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 56:55Speaker 02

  Maybe I should start scamming.

• 56:57Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not the point.

• 56:58Speaker 02

  Oh, no, that's not the point of this.

• 56:59Conan O'Brien?

  That's not the point.

• 57:00Speaker 02

  It's so much money.

• 57:01Conan O'Brien?

  One accidental click, Sona, can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Luckily, this is the point. Not that you should start scamming, but that everyone should get LifeLock.

• 57:10Speaker 02

  Right, right, right, right.

• 57:11Conan O'Brien?

  LifeLock has live, U.S.-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft, from first alert to full restoration. This is fantastic. How do you not have this?

• 57:22Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 57:23Conan O'Brien?

  If you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 57:41Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac? My kids. Okay. Or Oki. You gotta get them your stuff. Or my dog. And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that, uh, that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that? Yeah. And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey. Yeah. Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's, uh, very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices.

• 58:26Conan O'Brien?

  Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 58:37Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, welcome back. Uh, we're gonna do a staff review today. These have been quite popular. It's where I pull people in. Mm-hmm. From our little Team Coco staff and, uh, talk to them. And we find out all kinds of amazing things about the wonderful people that make up my empire. Mmm. And today we've brought in a young lad named Sean Dougherty at your senior producer.

• 59:02Speaker 05

  I'm a senior producer, yes.

• 59:04Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, people have said we bear resemblance to one another.

• 59:07Speaker 05

  A little bit, yeah.

• 59:08Conan O'Brien?

  A little bit. You are tall.

• 59:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:10Conan O'Brien?

  Irish.

• 59:11Speaker 05

  Catholic.

• 59:11Conan O'Brien?

  Irish fella. You've got a little-

• 59:12Speaker 05

  From Boston.

• 59:13Conan O'Brien?

  From Boston. Which part of Boston are you from?

• 59:14Speaker 05

  I'm from Braintree.

• 59:15Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, Braintree, near Burlington?

• 59:17Speaker 05

  Close enough.

• 59:18Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, and, um, just for our viewers out there. Oh, Burlington, near Burlington. Oh, okay. Yeah, there you go. You've got a little, uh, a little bit of a pompadour going.

• 59:25Speaker 05

  Tiny, tiny.

• 59:26Conan O'Brien?

  Was that, did you have that going before you met me?

• 59:28Speaker 05

  I did, I swear, I swear to God, I did, yeah.

• 59:31Conan O'Brien?

  So I did-

• 59:32Speaker 05

  I promise.

• 59:32Conan O'Brien?

  I, for the Oscars, I was, uh, shooting this bit where I'm Aunt Gladys from Weapons, and they had a stunt double, uh, stand in for me, and you will attest, David, and so will you, Sona, this stunt double looked absolutely nothing like me. And the whole time I'm thinking, why didn't we bring Sean Doherty in? I mean, you should have come in. What's that?

• 59:53Speaker 03

  Can I say, we actually used Sean when we were building the studio-

• 59:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 59:56Speaker 03

  -as a fill-in for you with lighting and things like that.

• 59:59Conan O'Brien?

  And you did test podcasts, and his were much better. He was funnier, he was faster. So, um, anyway, uh, you have had kind of a remarkable rise here. You started out as an intern, what year?

• 1:00:14Speaker 05

  Uh, 2018, 2019?

• 1:00:17Conan O'Brien?

  At the sh- where was that?

• 1:00:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, at the end of the TBS show. I was there the last year on Warner Brothers.

• 1:00:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, okay. And what was that experience like?

• 1:00:25Speaker 05

  It was awesome.

• 1:00:26Conan O'Brien?

  And be honest.

• 1:00:26Speaker 05

  Ruthie was my boss. She was amazing.

• 1:00:28Conan O'Brien?

  Ruthie Wyatt?

• 1:00:29Speaker 05

  Ruthie Wyatt, who was the best.

• 1:00:30Conan O'Brien?

  From our social, uh, media priestess?

• 1:00:32Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:00:33Conan O'Brien?

  Fantastic. Um, she does a lovely job and also full of sunshine. Uh, just the best. Honestly. I don't think anybody is gonna be negative to say that. I'll come in in the worst mood and she'll, it'll just go away. There's like unicorns sprouting from her head. Yes. It's wonderful. Um, so you're working at the show. Did you see terrible behavior? Did you ever see me do anything awful?

• 1:00:52Speaker 05

  Oh, my God. No, everyone was so good. Everyone was amazing. I loved the Warner Brothers.

• 1:00:56Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry, that's boring. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, we need the drama.

• 1:00:59Speaker 05

  You were an asshole. Everyone sucked.

• 1:01:01Conan O'Brien?

  There you go, there you go. No, we're trying to expose the rot.

• 1:01:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:04Conan O'Brien?

  In our industry.

• 1:01:05Speaker 04

  It's a takedown?

• 1:01:06Conan O'Brien?

  So you worked as an intern first and then, um, you've just done so well. Let me tell the listeners a little bit about you and I'm gonna find a way to shit on you. I just haven't found it yet.

• 1:01:16Speaker 05

  It feels like getting called into the principal's office right now. This is like, yeah.

• 1:01:20Conan O'Brien?

  This is the part where the principal butters you up.

• 1:01:22Speaker 05

  Uh huh.

• 1:01:22Conan O'Brien?

  You started out really well. And third and fourth grade, I thought you showed great promise. So we'll get into that part.

• 1:01:27Speaker 05

  As I get put down, yeah.

• 1:01:28Conan O'Brien?

  Um, you, you are now, uh, have risen to this point where you're in charge of, uh, producing Andy Richter's podcast?

• 1:01:35Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:01:35Conan O'Brien?

  Here, Rob Lowe's podcast?

• 1:01:37Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:01:37Conan O'Brien?

  And so you're dealing with those two monsters.

• 1:01:40Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:01:43Conan O'Brien?

  You can quietly say no, but, uh, you know, both of them, both of them scourges, uh, on the business. Um, and so you've done really well. And then I find out it was in the trades that you sold a screenplay?

• 1:01:56Speaker 05

  Uh, yeah, yes.

• 1:01:58Conan O'Brien?

  So, um, my question is, when am I getting a piece of your success? You've been a barnacle on this boat a long time, Sean. So is there a part in this screenplay for me?

• 1:02:09Speaker 05

  Oh my god, of course. Anything, anything you want. I mean, it's a high school comedy, so I don't know if there is a, I hate to say it.

• 1:02:16Conan O'Brien?

  What are you talking about?

• 1:02:17Speaker 05

  You might have aged out of your role.

• 1:02:19Conan O'Brien?

  Fuck you, Sean!

• 1:02:20Speaker 05

  I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

• 1:02:22Conan O'Brien?

  What's that, you come in here and you tell me I'm too old to play a high school student? When no one would have that take! That is ageist.

• 1:02:29Speaker 05

  It's a little concerning to just see like you hovering over the teenagers. I don't know if that would be...

• 1:02:34Conan O'Brien?

  I think a lot of people would think that guy fits right in.

• 1:02:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:38Conan O'Brien?

  I'm still prepubescent at my age, somehow.

• 1:02:44Conan O'Brien?

  I'm so postpubescent, I came around to prepubescent again.

• 1:02:47Speaker 05

  Horseshoe.

• 1:02:48Conan O'Brien?

  So, um, there's gotta be, no, I don't play a high school student, but there are adults that work at the high school.

• 1:02:52Speaker 05

  Do you think you could be principal, disciplinarian?

• 1:02:55Conan O'Brien?

  What are you talking about? What do you think I'm doing right now? You just said you felt like I was being called in the principal's office. If you don't find a part for me in this movie, I will sue you into oblivion. I will make up things about you.

• 1:03:05Speaker 02

  On what grounds are you gonna sue him?

• 1:03:07Conan O'Brien?

  When you reach my state of the business, which is quite high, this, the level that I'm at right now, I don't need reasons. I've got judges in my pocket.

• 1:03:16Speaker 05

  This is a lawsuit.

• 1:03:18Conan O'Brien?

  Do an audition, audition right now. You kids better cut it out. Now, listen here, you nerds. There's no way you're gonna win against the jocks, see? Cause I'm with the jocks. And you nerds can stay up all night and work on your robot. But there's no way you beat my jocks, see? What role was that?

• 1:03:40Speaker 05

  This is very 1980s, 1970s high school.

• 1:03:43Conan O'Brien?

  Those nerds did what? Late, late, I'm the robot they invented. I've just beat up the football team.

• 1:03:53Speaker 05

  I think you nailed it.

• 1:03:54Conan O'Brien?

  You're playing the robot? This is a great movie. Oh, don't tell me yours explores relationships and stuff that might really happen. That's so boring. You want robots and you want an uptight headmaster.

• 1:04:06Speaker 05

  I think you would be amazing at this. I think, I think you've kinda sold, it takes place in Massachusetts. So this is another point for you.

• 1:04:13Conan O'Brien?

  Perfect. I grew up in Massachusetts, not far from you.

• 1:04:15Speaker 05

  True, yes.

• 1:04:16Conan O'Brien?

  So, uh, you're growing up in Massachusetts. What were you interested in? What was your, what would, what did you aim for in show business? And how did you end up at this fucked up place?

• 1:04:29Conan O'Brien?

  How did you wash up on this beach of all places?

• 1:04:31Speaker 05

  I mean, I don't know, I wanted to work in late night television and then it died the second I came to Los Angeles. It was just over, yeah.

• 1:04:38Conan O'Brien?

  It was you that killed it.

• 1:04:39Speaker 05

  But then it was unfortunately.

• 1:04:41Conan O'Brien?

  Late night television was thriving right up until Sean Doertie showed up with his cardboard suitcase. Gosh, I'm here from Braintree.

• 1:04:50Speaker 04

  Oh no.

• 1:04:52Conan O'Brien?

  I'm here to see the big city. Where's the chowder? There's no chowder here. Wah, wah. Where's the Red Sox? There's no Red Sox either. Wah, wah. Um, I don't know why you deserve all this abuse, Sean, but you do. Everyone, here's the thing that I find disconcerting. You're beloved. Everybody universally is like, oh my God, Sean, Sean is such a good guy. They're always talking to me about you and I don't know what this is, but when I hear too much praise about one of my people, I find a way to try and break them.

• 1:05:21Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 1:05:22Conan O'Brien?

  And that's what's happening now.

• 1:05:23Speaker 05

  You identify a threat from within. I get it.

• 1:05:25Conan O'Brien?

  I could, but you look like me, but you're younger, he's better looking, he's got the leg strength. He could go. He could lift things.

• 1:05:33Speaker 02

  Wait, for podcasting? Do you even need leg strength?

• 1:05:36Conan O'Brien?

  When men have too much leg strength, I want them gone. And because I know that they will beat me, I'm the alpha.

• 1:05:43Speaker 02

  He could single white female you pretty easily.

• 1:05:46Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, you could.

• 1:05:47Speaker 05

  That is what I'm planning to do. I will say the first time I ever interacted with you as a P A, you did say, we hired this young man, so if someone tries to assassinate me, this kid will die instead. At like 20 years old?

• 1:06:00Conan O'Brien?

  You're 20.

• 1:06:01Speaker 05

  That was the first interaction.

• 1:06:02Conan O'Brien?

  Because I had read that Saddam Hussein, you know this, right? Saddam Hussein hired all these other Saddam Husseins to look like him.

• 1:06:10Speaker 05

  Oh my God.

• 1:06:11Conan O'Brien?

  And, you know, so that if someone went to kill Saddam Hussein, there was a nine out of 10 chance they'd get the wrong Saddam Hussein. And that made me, first of all, this is why you were hired, Sean.

• 1:06:20Speaker 05

  Yes, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:20Conan O'Brien?

  We saw you, I turned down so many interns that day. And then this guy comes in.

• 1:06:25Speaker 05

  So much more prepared.

• 1:06:26Conan O'Brien?

  How tall are you?

• 1:06:28Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, this guy is exactly my height. Sean is 6'4". He's got the red hair, the pompadour, he's got my look. Um, and I thought, this is perfect. And that's why I kept sending you out for sandwiches, even when we didn't need sandwiches. I wanted you vulnerable.

• 1:06:42Speaker 05

  Out public, yeah.

• 1:06:43Conan O'Brien?

  And that way you draw out the people that want to hurt Conan O'Brien.

• 1:06:47Speaker 02

  That's the first thing he got from you. That's the first conversation that you guys had with each other.

• 1:06:53Conan O'Brien?

  I am a notorious.

• 1:06:54Speaker 05

  First Hollywood celebrity interaction, yeah.

• 1:06:58Speaker 05

  And it's you will take a bullet for me.

• 1:07:00Conan O'Brien?

  And not, you won't, you won't do it, you'll do it against your will.

• 1:07:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, not out of loyalty. No, no, no, it was.

• 1:07:05Conan O'Brien?

  And it worked because he was attacked constantly when he went out. I had him wear a t-shirt that said, "I am Conan." He would come into the office with arrows sticking out of him. Rocks had been bounced off his head. He'd been kicked by old women. And you, it was like a sponge that soaps up all the hate gravy. You know? I love the thought that the people attacking you are old women. Yeah.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  You're lousy. And you're so scared of them, you send out a decoy.

• 1:07:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I sent out a twenty, I sent out a twenty-year-old kid. And he just gets beaten. They're hitting you, hitting you with their purses. They're throwing old Neko wafers at you.

• 1:07:43Speaker 05

  And yet I stuck around. I said, "Give me more."

• 1:07:45Conan O'Brien?

  So what's the dream? You've written this screenplay now. Would you like to?

• 1:07:48Speaker 05

  With my friend Caroline, yes. We co-wrote it, yeah.

• 1:07:51Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, and the, don't tell me the whole idea, but the basic idea is these are high school students in Massachusetts. And, uh, and?

• 1:07:59Speaker 05

  It's an homage to the apartment, the Billy Wilder movie.

• 1:08:02Conan O'Brien?

  That's terrific. That's great.

• 1:08:03Speaker 05

  We'll leave the title out of this, uh, but, that makes it sound classy, yeah. And it's called The Fuck Boat, yeah.

• 1:08:13Conan O'Brien?

  Well, okay, well, suddenly, I'm distancing myself. Distancing myself from The Fuck Boat. By the way, I wrote a, good luck with that. I wrote a screenplay called The Fuck Boat.

• 1:08:27Conan O'Brien?

  1987 went nowhere.

• 1:08:30Conan O'Brien?

  But, um, what happens next theoretically? You've sold it, is there a, how does these things get made? How does it happen?

• 1:08:38Speaker 05

  That's the million-dollar question. I mean, I don't know.

• 1:08:40Conan O'Brien?

  I know not, I know very little about the film business.

• 1:08:42Speaker 05

  But you're, you're a movie star now, too.

• 1:08:44Conan O'Brien?

  It's true, yeah. I'm just flooded with offers.

• 1:08:48Conan O'Brien?

  No, I honestly don't understand that business at all. And increasingly, I don't even understand the business I was in. It's all changing so much, but that's very impressive that you sold a screenplay. And you're kicking ass here at the show, and people, again, much to my irritation, think you're a wonderful person. And I'm tired of it. I'm really tired of it, so we're letting you go.

• 1:09:14Speaker 05

  That is all right. That is, this was the exit interview. I could feel it coming.

• 1:09:18Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm filing a complaint with the Writers Guild.

• 1:09:19Speaker 05

  Perfect, yes.

• 1:09:20Conan O'Brien?

  That fuckboat is my title. I had a catamaran when I was in high school, and I called it my fuckboat. And you know why I called it my fuckboat, David?

• 1:09:31Speaker 05

  Why?

• 1:09:32Conan O'Brien?

  So I'd get on it and ride around a little pond and go, "Nobody wants to fuck me."

• 1:09:36Speaker 05

  What a twist.

• 1:09:38Conan O'Brien?

  With a twist. Oh, boy.

• 1:09:41Speaker 05

  Audience is just so sad watching it.

• 1:09:44Conan O'Brien?

  Me going in a sad circle.

• 1:09:45Speaker 05

  Too Charlie Brown music.

• 1:09:46Conan O'Brien?

  There was no win, Charlie Brown. Nobody wants to fuck me. And then, "Well, goodnight, fuckboat." So that was my screenplay.

• 1:09:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:56Conan O'Brien?

  I think yours is gonna be better.

• 1:09:57Speaker 05

  Thank you very much, yeah.

• 1:09:58Conan O'Brien?

  Sean, thank you.

• 1:09:59Speaker 05

  Appreciate it.

• 1:10:00Conan O'Brien?

  Honored to have you on the team, and hilarious that my first comment to you was that you will draw my assassins.

• 1:10:09Speaker 06

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Afssesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan?

• 1:10:51Speaker 06

  Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:11:19Conan O'Brien?

  Technology can generate salary recommendations in seconds, but building an offer that lands skilled talent, that takes more than just an estimate you came up with.

• 1:11:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:11:29Conan O'Brien?

  That's where Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide can help.

• 1:11:33Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 1:11:34Conan O'Brien?

  Did we use a salary guide with you, Sona?

• 1:11:35Speaker 02

  Uh, no, but maybe-

• 1:11:37Conan O'Brien?

  For several years, I just gave you groceries, remember?

• 1:11:39Speaker 02

  I know, yeah, I remember that. That was not good.

• 1:11:41Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, anyway, now you got Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide. As a staffing firm placing talent every day, Robert Half combines compensation data with the experience of local recruiters so you can hire with the confidence that comes from experience. The new Robert Half Salary Guide is here. Visit roberthalf.com/salaryguide.

• 1:12:03Conan O'Brien?

  When you hear Alka-Seltzer, you probably think heartburn, right?

• 1:12:06Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:12:06Conan O'Brien?

  Well, did you know Alka-Seltzer has a line of cold and flu medications known as Alka-Seltzer Cold? Did you know that, David?

• 1:12:14Speaker 04

  No, but I feel like we need it.

• 1:12:15Conan O'Brien?

  Why didn't you know that, David?

• 1:12:16Speaker 04

  I know, you expect me to know everything.

• 1:12:18Conan O'Brien?

  I knew this because I- Yeah, I've tried it, it's really good. And I like that fizzy, fizzy, fizzy when you drop the Alka-Seltzer Cold into the water. Alka-Seltzer Cold Fast Dissolves Tablets are designed to deliver cold and flu relief fast. Just drop the two tablets in water and hear those bubbles bursting into action, ready to work faster than pills. Bubbles faster than pills. Pills take time to dissolve, not bubbles. Next time a cold or flu strikes, quick! Alka-Seltzer Cold: Nothing works faster for cold and flu symptom relief. Among oral products used as directed.