1054 Dr. Joe Dispenza: Transform Your Mind for Lasting Love & Magnetic Relationships (PART 1)

“The universe only gives us what we think we’re worthy of receiving.”Today's guest is Dr. Joe Dispenza. Dr Joe’s interest lies in demystifying the mystical so that people have all the tools within their reach to make measurable changes in their lives. In the past, Lewis and Joe have talked about unlocking the power of the mind and breaking the addiction of negative thoughts. But in today’s episode, they dive deep into transforming your mind for love, the fundamental question before your next relationship, how to teach your body emotionally what the future is going to feel like and so much more! For more go to: www.lewishowes.com/1054Check out Dr. Joe's website: https://drjoedispenza.com/Dr. Joe Dispenza on Healing the Body and Tranforming the Mind: https://link.chtbl.com/826-podThe Power of Erotic Intelligence with Esther Perel: https://link.chtbl.com/732-podFind Lasting Love with Matthew Hussey: https://link.chtbl.com/811-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 1,054 with Dr. Joe Dispenza.

• 0:05Joe Dispenza?

  If you are going to prepare your brain and body for a new relationship, then you would have to become love completely every day.

• 0:16Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:40Lewis Howes?

  Psychiatrist Carl Jung said, "The meeting of two personalities is like the contract of two chemical substances. If there is any reaction, both are transformed." And Ernest Hemingway said, "The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too." My guest today is Dr. Joe Dispenza. And Dr. Joe's interest lies in demystifying the mystical so that people have all the tools within their reach to make measurable changes in their lives. He's one of my favorite guests we've had on the show and one of the most popular. In the past, we've talked about unlocking the power of the mind and breaking the addiction

• 1:25Lewis Howes?

  of negative thoughts. But in today's episode, I wanted to change it up and ask Dr. Joe about relationships. Our conversation blew me away so much that I had to split this up into two parts. The first part, we talk about the fundamental question before your next relationship. Why you can't create from a place of negative energy and how to create from a place of positive energy and abundance. Why we are unconsciously responding to the conditions of our environment. How to trade your survival emotions for elevated emotions to open your heart. How to teach your body emotionally what the future is going to feel like. This is cool. How to look at life through the lens of love.

• 2:08Lewis Howes?

  How to handle your relationships if one person is doing work on themselves and the other is still in reaction mode. Why people lose themselves in bad relationships and the number one thing Joe has learned from his relationships. Again, I've never really heard Dr. Joe talk about life in this way. So I think you're going to be blown away. And if you enjoy it, make sure to share this with someone who needs to hear it. And a quick reminder to subscribe to the School of Greatness over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, as well as giving us a rating and review. We're on a mission to impact as many people as possible, and ratings really help us do that. Okay, in just a moment, the one and only Dr. Joe Dispenza.

• 2:55Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back, everyone, to School of Greatness. I'm so excited. One of our favorite guests of all time, Dr. Joe Dispenza, is in the house, my man.

• 3:02Joe Dispenza?

  Good to see you, man.

• 3:03Lewis Howes?

  So good to see you. The content we've put out in the past just continues to grow and grow and grow and impact millions of lives every single week. So everyone's asking for you to come back on. I'm very excited. And we were just talking for about a lot of things you've been doing in your life, how things are still exploding in your business. But I haven't seen a lot of conversations that you've talked about around manifesting love in your life. And all the content online, we don't see much out there about relationships, mindset and relationships. How do we attract love?

• 3:42Joe Dispenza?

  Yeah.

• 3:43Lewis Howes?

  How do we magnify bringing more love into our life, especially in a romantic partner?

• 3:50Joe Dispenza?

  Ah, where's the wine?

• 3:54Lewis Howes?

  And my audience keeps asking me to ask you about these questions. We talked about mindset. We're going to talk about a lot of things today. Love, money, health, and mindset. But I thought we'd start with love.

• 4:02Joe Dispenza?

  Sure, sure.

• 4:03Lewis Howes?

  Is there a way to transform your energetic field and to transform your mindset to start attracting a romantic partner? That's the right fit for you?

• 4:12Joe Dispenza?

  Yeah, yeah. So, well, let's start at the top, right? I mean, people always ask me, like, how do I create, you know, the person of my dreams that I want in my life? And I always say, take out a piece of paper, write down everything you want in that person, and then become it.

• 4:30Lewis Howes?

  That's it.

• 4:30Joe Dispenza?

  Because so many people have so many interesting definitions about what they think love is, right? And so, some people have it in terms of need. Some people have it in terms of sexuality. Some people have it in terms of control and dominance and success. And so, those are different experiences that really don't lead to this concept called love. And so, my theory in a relationship. I was in Australia for three weeks. And I was doing this big book tour. And I was on all these television shows and all these radio shows. And, you know, I wanted to talk about, you know, the science of changing your mind.

• 5:14Joe Dispenza?

  You know, neuroplasticity, epigenetics. And every television show, they were asking me about soulmates. How do you create? And I was just so tired. By the end of this tour, I was at the Establishment Hotel in Sydney. And I was sitting with a CNN reporter. An attractive woman. And she said, "How come I can't create the relationship that I want?" And I just was so over it. I just looked at her and I said, "Let me ask you a question. Would you go out with you?" Which is really the fundamental question. So, I have a couple of theories about relationships that I think are really important. And I use the same exact principles with my life.

• 5:58Joe Dispenza?

  First of all, I will never work in a relationship. And I don't think anybody should work in a relationship. I think if you're working in a relationship, something is not clicking. Something is not right. But if you bring your best, and the person that you're with brings their best, and you celebrate your life together, then there's constructive interference. There's growth. There's energy. If you're not at your best, and you show up, more than likely, you're gonna pick someone or something apart. And it's better that you remove yourself for a period of time and get back into your heart and present yourself at your best.

• 6:40Joe Dispenza?

  And so, if you're not there and you need a mirror or a reflection... Then it's good to ask, "Am I missing something? Am I not seeing myself in some way?" And then there's a healthy conversation when you invited. But if you're not invited to contribute your opinion, then it's better off that you don't, right? So people always say, "I want a loving relationship." But what they really want is happiness, really. So we do these meditations to create love in our lives. And it could be love in familial relationships, with your siblings, it could be with your parents, it could be with your friends, or it could be with a significant other.

• 7:24Joe Dispenza?

  And so if thoughts are the electrical charge in the quantum field, and feelings are the magnetic charge in the quantum field, and how you think and how you feel broadcasts an electromagnetic signature that influences every single atom in your life. The thought sends a signal out, and the feeling is the magnetic field that draws the event back to you. Right. So if you're not in a place where you're in love with life, or in love with yourself, or practicing diminishing your emotional reactions to certain people or conditions in your life,

• 8:07Joe Dispenza?

  and you're living in anger, hostility, or judgment, or fear, and you want a loving relationship, there is no magnetic field for you to draw that to you. And in fact, if you say to me, "Well, it's that person or that circumstance that's caused me to feel this way." Then I would say, "I mean, that person or that circumstance is controlling the way you feel and the way you think." And anything that controls the way we feel and the way we think, we are victims to, right? So most people are unconsciously responding to the conditions in their environment, experiencing emotions that are derived from the hormones of stress. Those emotions cause us to feel separate from our dreams.

• 8:51Joe Dispenza?

  They heighten our senses, so if we can't see them, it doesn't... The threat or the danger puts us in emergency mode. And we can think positively about the relationship we want. We could send a signal out into the field. We could have pictures. We could remind ourselves of what it is. But if you're not drawing the experience back to you, because your response to the environment is actually weakening your organism. It's weakening your response, is actually weakening the body. Then you will be, as a victim, more vulnerable to the conditions in your environment, whether they're large or small. And I'm talking about microorganisms as well. So if you wanted a true relationship,

• 9:34Joe Dispenza?

  where it was fundamentally based on this concept called love. Now, let's talk about that, because we practice this a lot in the work that we do. If you could truly begin to practice trading those survival emotions every day for elevated emotions, and you practiced opening your heart. It's a skill that has to take place where you move out of survival. So people say, "Well, I can't open my heart. I can't feel love." And I say, "Well, what do you practice feeling?" Because whatever you practice feeling, you're feeling most of the time. And that feeling could be guilt, but you're so used to it, you wouldn't even know it's guilt. It just feels like you.

• 10:18Lewis Howes?

  Are most people practicing a feeling? Or are they just reacting to how they feel?

• 10:22Joe Dispenza?

  Well, they're reacting to their external environment.

• 10:26Lewis Howes?

  What's happening?

• 10:26Joe Dispenza?

  Or they're reacting to some stray thought in their mind. And every thought produces a chemical. So if they have an unhappy thought, they feel unhappy. If they have a judgmental thought, it produces chemicals that makes you feel polarized, right? So...

• 10:39Lewis Howes?

  How much does one thought change your chemical body?

• 10:43Joe Dispenza?

  That's an interesting question. So let's just... Let me put this on hold here. So the stronger the emotions that we feel...

• 10:53Joe Dispenza?

  From the problems and conditions in our life, the more altered we feel inside of us, the more we pay attention to what's causing it outside of us. So if you have an event in your life, an experience in your life that has a strong emotional charge to it, and you don't feel like your normal self, you feel this alarm system switch on. You're gonna narrow your focus on the cause, and the brain's gonna take a snapshot, and that's called a long-term memory, right? So then what people don't know is that every time they think about that event, they're producing the same chemistry in their brain and body as if the event was occurring.

• 11:29Lewis Howes?

  In that moment.

• 11:30Joe Dispenza?

  In that moment. So the highly-charged event is actually producing the emotion, and the body is so objective, that it doesn't know the difference between the real experience that's creating the emotion, and the emotion that the person is fabricating by thought alone. The body's believing. It's so objective, it's believing it's in the same environmental experience. So the strong, the highly-charged emotional events, you, you, some people think of their ex, and the thought of that person

• 11:59Lewis Howes?

  Makes them sick.

• 12:00Joe Dispenza?

  Makes them feel out of balance.

• 12:03Lewis Howes?

  And I, one image, one thought in their mind makes them feel out of balance.

• 12:08Joe Dispenza?

  So all you need is an image, and an emotion, a thought and a feeling, a stimulus and a response, and you're conditioning your body emotionally into the past. So now, the memories, and this is just not in the brain now, it's in the body, okay? So now, that thought of that person is actually creating a response in the body that's consuming the body's energy for growth and repair, consuming the body's energy to create, because in survival, it's not a time to create. In survival, it's time to run, fight, and hide. So, the problem is, is that it becomes a subconscious program. It's no longer a conscious process.

• 12:51Joe Dispenza?

  It now is a subconscious process. So now, the body has been conditioned into resentment, into unhappiness, into fear, anxiety, whatever it is, and so it's back to our concept of bringing love into your life. So you say to that person, okay, you open your heart, and they're gonna say, "Are you kidding me? I was injured. I was hurt. I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna, let me see your cards first, right? And once I see your cards, then I'll, then I'll open up a little bit." So, so we protect this, right? So now, in, in that state of survival, the, the research shows that the long-term effects of those stress hormones are pushing the genetic buttons that are creating disease. The body can't live in emergency mode for that period of time.

• 13:36Joe Dispenza?

  So, in a sense, the person is making themselves sick by thought alone. Their thoughts are making them sick, literally. So, the problem is, is now the body is conditioned into the past, and it's the mind. Now, once the, the body-

• 13:55Lewis Howes?

  The body is the mind?

• 13:56Joe Dispenza?

  The body becomes the mind emotionally. So now, all of this energy is stored in the body, and now the person now has to leave their unhappiness and step out into the unknown. They have to get out of the familiar feelings that has, has defined them. So they'll say, "I can't really feel joy. I can't really feel love." And what they're really saying is, "I've, I've been conditioning my body emotionally so much into the past that I can't feel anything else other than what I know."

• 14:25Lewis Howes?

  Anger, resentment, pain, suffering?

• 14:28Joe Dispenza?

  Psychology calls those normal human states of consciousness. Those are altered states of consciousness.

• 14:33Lewis Howes?

  So, normal states of consciousness are these kind of negative feelings?

• 14:38Joe Dispenza?

  No, I'm saying that those states of survival, people say anger, fear, those are normal things.

• 14:43Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha.

• 14:44Joe Dispenza?

  No, those are, those are in survival. Those are altered states. You're, the survival chemicals are actually knocking your brain and body out of balance. You're out of balance in that moment. And if you keep doing that, the imbalance is now the new balance. And now, you're altered emotionally. So, back to the concept of love. So the person can theoretically, intellectually, philosophically, say, "Oh, I want this type of person. She's gotta be this way. He's gotta look this way. He's gotta be like this." And they're basically saying, "I want something that represents all the things that I no longer want." Right? And so they're creating with their brain and mind, which is perfect.

• 15:27Joe Dispenza?

  The problem is, is that if you can't feel the emotion of your future- Your manifestation of love before it's made manifest. Like, people say, "Well, when my relationship happens, when I find Mr. Right, then I'm gonna feel love." Well, waiting for the outer environment to change, to take away this feeling of anger, resentment, emptiness. But they forgot that they create reality. In other words, when it finally appears that I'm gonna feel love, that's cause and effect. We're waiting for something to happen. If you're feeling the lack in the emptiness, then you're keeping your relationship at arm's length because you don't have the magnetic field to draw to you. So, the emotions that come from these energy centers,

• 16:11Joe Dispenza?

  the lower energy centers in our body, do have frequencies, there's chemistry involved, but they have a different agenda. So now, we ask the person, "Can you teach your body emotionally what the future will feel like before it's made manifest?" That means you can't wait for your relationship to feel love. You have to reverse that battleship and understand feeling love is going to be the magnet. And if you can hold the vision of your future, a clear intention, with a coherent brain, organize signals into the field, and you could actually crack this thing open, and practice getting so present in the moment

• 16:56Joe Dispenza?

  that you're not anticipating the next moment or trying to predict the future. And you're no longer romancing the emotions of your past. You can find that sweet spot of the generous present moment. The familiar past is the known emotionally. The predictable future is the habituation of autopilot being unconscious in programs. Those are both knowns. There's only one place where the unknown exists. That's the present moment. So if you could work with your body to the point that it trusts you enough to feel so safe that you have conquered it in a certain way that it could actually relax into the present moment, and it's not worried about what's gonna happen next or what's going around you, or that you need to eat, you need to pee, you need to move. You've got beyond all your drives,

• 17:41Joe Dispenza?

  and you're ready to create. That moment where you're present, if you could begin to work with your heart. And start to breathe and start to practice feeling love. In the beginning, it would feel foolish, or gratitude. Why would I feel love if it hasn't happened? Well, that's because you've been hypnotized into waiting for your world to change to feel the emotion from the experience. But according to the quantum model, your emotion ahead of the experience, when you combine that clear intention with the elevated emotion, and you feel love, your body's so objective that it's actually believing, it's living in that future in the present moment.

• 18:24Joe Dispenza?

  And your body now is beginning to change. You are beginning to change your biology to reflect what you're about to experience in your future. So the stronger the love you feel, the more altered you feel inside of you, the more you're gonna pay attention to that picture in your mind. Stimulus, response. Memory, emotion. Thought and feeling. But now, you're remembering your future instead of remembering your past. And biologically, it's actually the same.

• 18:54Lewis Howes?

  How do we... remembering your future as opposed to remembering your past?

• 18:57Joe Dispenza?

  Right, it's the same thing biologically.

• 18:59Lewis Howes?

  The body experiences it the same way by thinking and imagining something that hasn't happened yet, but it will happen.

• 19:05Joe Dispenza?

  Okay, well...

• 19:06Lewis Howes?

  And imagining something vividly from the past that happened. Sometimes our brains trick ourselves in thinking it happened a different way, doesn't it?

• 19:12Joe Dispenza?

  Yeah, but that's incidental. It's none of your business how it happened. In fact...

• 19:17Lewis Howes?

  It's how I interpret it.

• 19:18Joe Dispenza?

  Exactly, it's your perception, right?

• 19:28Joe Dispenza?

  The stronger the emotion you feel from some outer experience in your life, the more altered you feel, the more the brain freezes the frame and takes a snapshot. Well, now you're freezing a frame in the outer environment. But if you're truly in the present moment and you know exactly what you want, and you begin to teach your body emotion, start practicing opening that heart. It's amazing what happens. The moment that heart begins to open...

• 19:53Joe Dispenza?

  We've measured this so many times, Louis, on a scan, on a real-time brain scan. When the heart moves into this kind of rhythm, when you're feeling frustration, when you're feeling impatient, when you're feeling resentment, you are stepping on the gas pedal and you're stepping on the brake at the same time, and the heart is pumping against a closed system and it causes an erratic beat. It becomes incoherent. And energy literally leaves the heart. Now, you no longer believe in your future. You can't put your heart into your future. You can't trust the outcome because there's no energy there. It's being used and consumed somewhere else. So, energy is leaving the brain as well. But, once energy starts to move into the heart, we've seen this so many times, and it starts to beat in this rhythm,

• 20:38Joe Dispenza?

  like banging a drum or dropping a pebble in water, pebble after pebble. The heart begins to create a wave of energy right to the brain. Like taking a big sheet and going like that. And then all of a sudden, you see this wave and the brain gets this rush of energy. And that change in brain wave patterns, that change, that wave is carrying information. And the person starts to get a very clear idea. They see their future very clearly. Now, that energy is causing them to move into very coherent alpha brain wave patterns, which is the state of creation. This is when you no longer hear the voice in your head that's talking to you that you listen to and believe is the truth.

• 21:20Lewis Howes?

  I'm not good enough.

• 21:21Joe Dispenza?

  Yeah, whatever that is. That's called the default mode. It suppresses the default mode network and the next thing you know, you start seeing in pictures and images. You start dreaming. And that's the imagination. That's the creative state. So now, you start naturally imagining the heart is the creative center. We've got to put our heart into our future. It better be open and activated. So now, when you start falling in love with your future... Oxytocin is released in the brain and in the heart. Oxytocin signals nitric oxide. Nitric oxide signals another chemical called endothelial-derived relaxing factor. And just like when your sexual organs get filled with blood because you're aroused, the same thing happens here as it would happen somewhere else.

• 22:05Joe Dispenza?

  And literally, the arteries in the heart and lungs engorge. And now, your heart feels full and it's thumping in order. And you're in the present moment. Now, once that happens and it's beating in rhythm, the heart produces an external magnetic field up to three meters wide. Now, in survival, you're drawing from the field and turning into chemistry. When you get energy in the heart, it's causing a change in the brain. And all of a sudden, it's resetting the baseline for trauma. And now, here you have a magnetic field. Now, the heart is your magnet. It is the center of creation. And now, that energy is frequency. And frequency carries information.

• 22:47Joe Dispenza?

  And you can lay the thought of your new relationship on that energy because it's consistent with it. You cannot lay the thought of your new relationship in need. That's a different energy.

• 23:00Lewis Howes?

  What do you mean in need?

• 23:01Joe Dispenza?

  Well, if you're feeling...

• 23:01Lewis Howes?

  I'm needing someone to love me, a partner.

• 23:03Joe Dispenza?

  Yeah, of course, that's a different frequency. That's a different energy.

• 23:05Lewis Howes?

  What happens when you're in a need state as opposed to an attraction state?

• 23:09Joe Dispenza?

  Well, you're in lack. So now, you're trying, you're grasping, you're controlling, you're forcing, you're trying to predict, you're overthinking, overanalyzing. And that's how people live their relationships. So then, if you are going to prepare your brain and body for a new relationship, then you would have to become love completely every day. And that signal, then, that you're sending out into the field can carry the thought of your health, your wealth, your relationship, or whatever. But here's the cool part. When the heart is activated like that and you feel so whole, so in love with life, so satisfied in the moment, so exuberant, that it's impossible to want.

• 23:55Joe Dispenza?

  Now you're no longer in lack. Now you're so whole that you will magnetize wholeness in your life. The person who's the person that fits the mold energetically. That would be the same as you and yet complement you. So that the two can become one, right? And then, instead of in contrast, in union, you exchange information equal to that emotional state. In other words, people use each other to reaffirm their dependence on certain emotions. You have certain people you complain with about politics or whatever. They complain back about their lives and you use each other to reaffirm, you know, some type of belief about life emotionally.

• 24:38Joe Dispenza?

  You have emotional agreements on things. Well, that emotion is energy and energy is frequency and frequency carries information. So you share the same energy, you share the same information. But that's what people do in their lives. But now, in a true loving relationship, when you're truly in your heart, then the question is, what would love do in the relationship? And when your heart is open, it's no longer about you. It's about how I feel so amazing with you. I feel even more amazing, but without you, I'm still whole. And so now, I'm no longer in need or lack. And so now, when we get together and our fields interfere, when they start interfering, now the amplitude gets way higher.

• 25:23Joe Dispenza?

  There's way more energy. And now, I mean, I'm all about all seven centers of the body lining up, all of them. And we're here in a body, let's enjoy it all, but come from love. And so now, your heart is so open that you can't do anything else but give. You feel so amazing, you're so happy with yourself, so happy with your life, so happy with what you have, you want other people to feel the same way. And you say, here, take that. And when you give now, guess what happens? You release more oxytocin, more nitric oxide, and more of those chemicals that cause the heart to swell even more. Then all of a sudden, your immune system gets stronger and all of a sudden, your body starts feeling better. You start having more energy.

• 26:06Joe Dispenza?

  And now, the constructive interference between two people that are coming together in wholeness and no longer dependence or lack or separation or need is a different game. So then, what they do...

• 26:21Joe Dispenza?

  To protect, to nurture, to grow, to evolve that love is one of the most important things that they have. Not because they're doing it out of obligation, or because they're married, or whatever. It's just they can't not do it. We see people, we had somebody stand the other day in our workshop, in profoundly high amounts of gamma. She can do it on command. And there's an incredible arousal that takes place that goes along with these high brain frequencies that you can only describe as ecstasy or bliss. Now, you're getting that ecstasy and bliss not from anyone or anything out there.

• 27:04Joe Dispenza?

  No drug, no person, no football game, no shopping sprees doing that. Somehow, it's coming from within. Like, what is that connection that you have? And so, one of the scientists said to this woman, "How do you do that?" You know what she said? "I have difficulty not doing it. I can't not do it when I'm in a relationship. When I'm doing this, it's too good." So now, that could be a constant feeling in your life. So now...

• 27:36Lewis Howes?

  What, love?

• 27:37Joe Dispenza?

  Independent of anyone or anything, it's coming from within you, okay? So, think about this.

• 27:44Lewis Howes?

  Whether you're in a relationship or single.

• 27:46Joe Dispenza?

  Doesn't matter, your whole. Your love is not wavering, it's constant, right? So now, imagine having this feeling. And when oxytocin is released, what most people don't know is that it seeps into the amygdala. And there's certain survival emotions in the amygdala. Fear and anxiety, aggression and anger, pain and suffering. And it literally shuts the lights out in those circuits in the amygdala. And there's only one thing left, love and joy, right? So, now this person is suppressing the survival centers, resetting the baseline of the past, how they perceive the past. And now, the research on oxytocin shows that when you have just a slight, slight level of increase,

• 28:31Joe Dispenza?

  and ours, our research shows our students are way outside of normal. That it's impossible to hold a grudge. You know why? Because the feeling feels so good. Why would you judge another person? Or why would you react to some condition? And lose that feeling? You figure it out really fast. So this birth of unconditional love really says, I'm in love with myself. My connection to some divine intelligence within me. And because I'm so in love with life and with myself, I'm looking at life through the lens of love. Which means I'm gonna allow you to be whoever you want around me. I don't really, you, I'm no longer... I'm not a reaction.

• 29:15Joe Dispenza?

  I'm not a reaction because I've overcome my fear. I've overcome my anger. And now I'm ready for love. And now that relationship that you have, if you find that equal, that's a needle in a haystack. Because now it's a vibrational match. Right. And so as long as you're evolving, as long as I'm evolving, as long as we're sharing the same ideals, as long as we're working together, as long as we have our independence, and as long as we come together, and we bring our best. And I say to you, how was your day? I mean, what did you learn? Or, let's start our day. So how are you gonna be today? Come on, let's just support each other. So what are the programs you're gonna stay away from? Are you gonna rush? You know, what did you do yesterday that you wanna improve today? How can I support you? How can I love you in that?

• 30:00Joe Dispenza?

  You wanna text at noon, what do you need? And then, how am I gonna be? Okay, tell me how you're gonna vocalize it, articulate it. So that now I understand your intention, and I can support that. That's good. And so then, when the person can articulate it, what are they doing? They're rehearsing in their minds who they're gonna be. And so now they're becoming conscious of that future. And then they have to work on staying conscious of their unconscious programs. And by articulating that, they're gonna not let those thoughts slip by as well. So then, now you have two people. In evolution, it's no longer about all the other things. It's not about the money, it's not about the sex, it's not about the weight, it's not about the diet. Those are all things that are, we already know. This is something else.

• 30:45Joe Dispenza?

  This is a whole nother level. Where, when you exchange and evolve on this level, it's the most important thing. Because now you see that person as a mirror. Oh my god, she did amazing. I'm in love with her, I admire her. Wow, she's got it going on. She executed today. She got her behaviors to match her intentions. And I want to celebrate her. Like, wow, I'm in awe. That to me, you don't work on that. You work on you. Everybody works on themselves and then they bring their best. And if they're not at their best, excuse yourself and get back to your best. And if you tell me it's that person or that circumstance,

• 31:29Joe Dispenza?

  we went back to the unconscious program of being a victim. Nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with reacting. But the next question is, how long? I'm gonna stay in this mode. Right, or do you want help getting out? Right? So, so I think that, that when you start feeling those elevated emotions and your energy is synchronized, right? And it's, you got a wifi signal. Right. You got a signal. You're connected, you're 5G, you're connected. And you're connected, and what are you connected in? In this sense of wholeness, this sense of love, this sense of joy, this satisfaction with yourself and your life. And when, I mean, I watch this, Louis. I mean, people come to our events for all kinds of reasons. Some people come for health, some people come for wealth, some people come for relationships.

• 32:14Joe Dispenza?

  It's really funny, and they show up, angry people. They're angry with themselves. When they're angry with themselves, they'll be impatient and angry with others. People who are unhappy with themselves will punish other people so that they can feel their unhappiness. Or is it to get their anger out, or is it why? No, because that's who they are. That's the emotion that's driving their behaviors.

• 32:38Joe Dispenza?

  People who are in love with themselves will find love in others. People who are happy with themselves will find something that they can connect with. They won't see all the flaws. They'll see some part of them that they want to enjoy. I mean, so, so, so if you're in a relationship and you've scrubbed the cupboard, and you've taken out all those skeletons and you've looked at them, and you said, "I don't want to bring this into my relationship. I don't want my insecurity to be there. I don't want my fear to be there. I don't want my judgment to be there. I don't want my emotions from other relationships to be there. So let me finish this." In other words, if you want love in your life and your future, then you better take care of your frustration, because you can't bring that there. You gotta leave it.

• 33:23Joe Dispenza?

  So then, you may say to me, "Well, it's because that person and this emotion from 15 years ago, my ex, makes me feel frustrated." Well, let me tell you something. The only reason that you're thinking about your ex is because you're still in frustration. You overcome frustration. You look back at your ex and you'll be like, "I wish them well. I'm not connected to my past any longer." So, cleaning the cupboards and getting down to those thoughts that slip by people's awareness all the time. Their behaviors, they complain, they make excuses, they say it'll never hap— what do they do? And the emotions that keep them connected to their past, they won't, they won't even see that person. They'll walk right past their future relationship.

• 34:07Joe Dispenza?

  They'll never recognize that person because they're looking at their future through the neurology and the chemistry of their past. And the brain only learns by— only, we only see reality based on pattern recognition. I memorized your face, now I know Louis. And if the pattern matches, I know. But if you're creating a future, and you're not clear on that future, and you want all these things, but you haven't— Addressed all those circuits and behaviors and emotions and chemicals of the past, you won't recognize the pattern. You'll walk right past the relationship, you'll never see it. So, so I think that there's the preparation for the relationship,

• 34:49Joe Dispenza?

  the overcoming, and overcoming, and overcoming, and overcoming, and overcoming, and becoming. Ooh. All of a sudden now says, "I am worthy." And the universe only gives us what we think we're worthy of receiving. So, when you're worthy to receive, it's not gonna be on match.com where you're looking at body parts and whatever else. This is gonna be like, ka-ching. An energy connection, yeah. Like, wow, like, that came out of nowhere. Because when you're in survival, and you're in separation, and you're in lack, and you're forcing and controlling and trying to predict outcomes, you're matter trying to change matter. And of course, it's going to take time for this to happen because you're creating a three-dimensional reality.

• 35:33Joe Dispenza?

  And everything in three-dimensional reality, it takes time. But when you're creating from the heart, with a coherent brain and a coherent heart, and you've got that 5G Wi-Fi signal, it's, it's not like you go anywhere now. The experiences are coming to, you're drawing the event to you. So, so we spend a lot of time bonding with our future emotionally. I have colleagues of mine who look at our, our data on oxytocin, and they're like, "Listen, oxytocin levels go up during, you know, when I'm in a relationship, the honeymoon stage of relationship, and a monogamy is created because of those chemicals, or a female mammal is bonding with their offspring." That's exactly right.

• 36:16Joe Dispenza?

  I want our people, our students, to bond and fall in love with their future just like they do with somebody else. And when you're bonded to your future... No person, no circumstance, no thing is going to remove you from it. So then, if you fall from grace during the day, then the next question is, what person, what circumstance caused me to disconnect from my love in the future? And let me rehearse in my mind, if I have that same circumstance, how I'm gonna overcome it. And now you're worthy of love. It's no longer the person or the event. It's just you're doing what it takes to stay in the emotion of your future. Your body is aligned emotionally to that future. So, great doing it with a meditation. That's easy.

• 37:01Joe Dispenza?

  But now, the real game is open your eyes.

• 37:03Lewis Howes?

  What is happening is happening.

• 37:05Joe Dispenza?

  Open your eyes and be in the initiation of life. And stay in that place. And just know that your future's gonna happen. So, being able to activate the heart and breathe in there and get the body out of survival. And start working with it like it feels safe enough to create. Once energy makes it here, you're going to get some really good ideas. You're gonna see things you never thought of seeing. You're gonna feel things you never thought you'd feel. And the images that you're creating, what are they doing? The thoughts that you're creating, they're making more of those chemicals. And now you're feeling more of the feeling of your future before it happens. You're giving your body a sampling, a taste of the future before it's happened. Keep doing that enough times, and that feeling is gonna become very familiar to you.

• 37:50Lewis Howes?

  There's a lot I want to unpack there. There's a great image.

• 37:53Joe Dispenza?

  So you asked, I'm sorry.

• 37:55Lewis Howes?

  I want to keep on this topic for a while. There's a great image on page 123 of your book, Becoming Supernatural. And we'll put this in the YouTube video. And we'll put it side by side here somewhere when we're editing this up. But you have this image here, which is the body versus, as energy and the body as matter. And what happens when you're in an energetic field, when you're a magnet of the energy versus when you're, I guess, reacting in a place of fear, anxiety, and stress? Is that what this is saying?

• 38:27Joe Dispenza?

  Yeah, let me see if I can say this another way. There was a researcher out of Yale University that in the 1940s was studying electromagnetic fields around living organisms. And in 1940s at Yale University, nobody was doing this. And he was a vitalist. He wanted to understand the unseen fields around living organisms. So he started studying eggs, all kinds of eggs. Chicken eggs, swallow eggs, reptile eggs, snake eggs, salamander eggs, there's all kinds of eggs. And he was using a magnetometer, and what he found was that 100% of the time, no matter what egg he measured, the positive charge was always at the head, and the negative

• 39:12Joe Dispenza?

  charge was always at the tail. Well, if you have positive charge on one end and negative charge on the other end, you've got an external electromagnetic field called the magnetic field. It's a magnet, right? What happens with human beings is every thought has a frequency. Every thought produces a chemical. So if you keep obsessing about your lack, your lack of finances, your lack of time, your lack of energy, lack, lack, lack, and those thoughts- I don't have this, I need this, I want this. What are the chemicals you're feeding your body? You're taking thought, it's producing a frequency, and that frequency in the form of chemistry is storing that thought emotionally right in your second center. You feel guilty, you feel unhappy. The moment you feel unhappy, then you generate more thoughts equal to that feeling, which

• 39:57Joe Dispenza?

  makes more chemicals, and you keep taking energy from the brain and storing it in the body. If you react to people in your life, and you feel anger, frustration, whether it's traffic, the news, whatever it is- Parents, girlfriend, boy. You're drawing from this field, this electromagnetic field, you're tapping that resource, and you're making chemistry out of it, and the field shrinks. So now, by doing that and living in survival, the body no longer is a magnet. So now you have very little energy in the brain. In fact, 5% of the energy is in the brain. Then ninety-five percent is stored in the body. Now, the body's been conditioned emotionally. So, a lot of energy in the body, very little in the brain. So, in our work...

• 40:42Lewis Howes?

  We want energy in the brain?

• 40:44Joe Dispenza?

  We wanna move energy back up to the brain, so...

• 40:46Lewis Howes?

  What does that do, when we move the energy from the body to the brain or the heart?

• 40:49Joe Dispenza?

  Well, this is a great thing, because once it makes it here, it's going up, right? So, we do these different meditations and these different techniques to draw that energy right up to the top of the head. Now, when this energy shakes loose and it starts to move, the sympathetic nervous system switches on. And instead of releasing energy out, like you're being chased by a predator or you're having an orgasm, that same energy is going up into the brain and the brain switches on and it goes into these very high, high frequencies called gamma brainwave patterns. Now, the person has an arousal. But the arousal isn't fear...

• 41:26Lewis Howes?

  Not an orgasm.

• 41:27Joe Dispenza?

  Well, in the brain.

• 41:29Lewis Howes?

  An orgasm of the mind.

• 41:31Joe Dispenza?

  Yeah, exactly. It's energy that's being released into the brain. And you can only describe it as ecstasy or bliss. So, the energy of guilt that was stored from thinking and feeling the same way releases and it travels up to the brain and it's going back. And when it reaches the brain, what happens? You get more energy in the brain and it begins to produce that external field, so you're beginning to create a field around your body.

• 41:57Lewis Howes?

  You can imagine the future as opposed to staying in something from the past.

• 42:00Joe Dispenza?

  Well, once the energy's moved, you're going to feel, you're gonna feel pretty blessed in that moment. In fact...

• 42:07Lewis Howes?

  So, we can transfer guilt, shame, insecurities into bliss?

• 42:12Joe Dispenza?

  Oh, my God. Yeah, we do it all the time.

• 42:14Lewis Howes?

  Momentarily?

• 42:14Joe Dispenza?

  Oh, my gosh, yeah. Yeah, we do it all the time. And the amazing thing is that that rush of energy that's moving into the brain is changing the brain's physiology and producing that field. Now, you have energy to heal. Now, the body is a magnet again. And it's as the energy moves up the spinal cord and it starts passing through the spinal nerves and there's a lot of dynamics going on in the body, that energy that was once stored in that one of those energy centers that's released is energy to heal, energy to create a new future. You're replenishing your field and now the body becomes more of a magnet instead of an inert piece of metal with no charge, right? So, the person then who's...

• 42:59Joe Dispenza?

  Reacting to whatever person or circumstance in their life. The stronger the emotion that they feel towards politics, towards the traffic, towards their girlfriends,

• 43:07Lewis Howes?

  Social media, whatever.

• 43:09Joe Dispenza?

  The more they're paying attention to it. But where you place your attention is where you place your energy. So we also know that when...

• 43:16Lewis Howes?

  It's hard to create from a place of putting attention towards negative energy.

• 43:20Joe Dispenza?

  Well, you're not creating. What you're doing is you're tying up your vital life force. You're giving your power away to that person or that circumstance that you could be using to create a new life with. So when a person's sitting in their meditation, and I love doing this. We just had an event in Marco Island. I'm gonna take people further than where they normally go. I know they're gonna go, "Oh, well, I'm done with my meditation." No, you're not done. We're gonna take you to that point where that feeling is so in your face and you can't turn on your cellphone. You can't get up and walk away because a thousand people are not getting up and walking away and you're part of the community. You're sitting in the fire. And you have one of two choices. You can let that brain run on programs and hardwired patterns and the arousal will drive your brain further out of bounds,

• 44:04Joe Dispenza?

  or you'll practice the formula. And as you lower the volume to that emotion, you're gonna take your attention off that person or problem. Guess what? Here comes energy back to you. You're taking your power back. And now you're building your field that way. And when that happens, energy starts to move up into the heart. Once it mixes to the heart, it's going to the brain. So we start seeing people, their hearts naturally open up. And all the things they thought they wanted when they came to the event, they no longer want because they feel like they have it.

• 44:34Lewis Howes?

  They don't need it anymore.

• 44:35Joe Dispenza?

  Because they feel like they've got the feeling before the experience. So that they feel so whole that they no longer want... And they're not looking for their future anymore. You only look for it when you feel lack. When your body's conditioned emotionally into the future, why would you look for it when it feels like it's already happened? Now, this is where it gets weird. Because now things start coming to you and you're no longer in need. When it comes to you, you go, "Oh, here, take it. I don't want it." I just wanted to know that I could create. And people create a lot of wealth in our events. And the first thing a lot of people do is they say, "I'm buying a cruise for you. I'm buying you your car. Oh, Mom, I'm getting you that house." Why do they do that? Because they're so excited.

• 45:19Joe Dispenza?

  They feel so amazing and they're thinking, "I could do this again." Why would a person in lack wouldn't give? A person who's abundant would give because they know how to create. So now the game changes. It's no longer about the self. You're doing it because you know that you can create it. So then maintaining that state. When you're in love. Yes. When you're in love. In love. In it, in your body. You are in love. Not in another relationship. No, you're not looking for it. You're in it. You're not looking for it. You would be in lack. When you're in love, there's nothing to do. You're in love. You're the magnet. You are it. You are love.

• 46:02Joe Dispenza?

  Yes, so the events that come into your life would not only be just a reflection of a relationship with someone that you wanted to be intimate with. You would have meaningful, loving relationships that would enhance that feeling. And when it didn't, you would say, "Ooh, you know what? I don't know. I don't know if this is right for me." You would trust that because you worked really hard to nurture this, to protect it, to grow it, to trust it again, to open up, right? It takes a lot to do this. But we see men in our work. I was on them this week. I never let up on those guys. Big macho guys. You want to be... You want to know what courage is? Let's go. Let's open that heart. And when they start cracking open,

• 46:48Joe Dispenza?

  I mean, we see people heal from colon cancer and from angina and all. Just boom. There it is, there it's not. That's what's been stored all down here. Once they open this up and it moves, the body's transforming in that moment. The system is informing itself. Information is being restored back into the body. So when you get to that point where you... When you're in lack and separation, time gets really crazy because you want stuff to happen faster and it feels like it's taking forever. That's because you're in separation. When you're in love and you're in connected, you don't want the moment to end. I mean, I had four, three guys over for dinner last night, all these academics.

• 47:31Joe Dispenza?

  I cooked a meal and a half for these guys, took out great wine. Why? I wanted them to be so caught up in the moment that they forgot, we made a new memory. We made a, we had a great experience. And life then is about experiencing it in love. Like, I'm not gonna be guilty of what I'm, what I'm eating or judge what I'm eating if I've cooked a great meal. Let's eat, because the guilt is worse than whatever it is you think is bad for you. So then, when you're feeling those elevated emotions and you're locked in love, then, then you see life through the lens of love and there's compassion. Like, you could look at your greatest adversary, the person that threw you under the bus,

• 48:14Joe Dispenza?

  and you've overcome yourself and you've done the work.

• 48:17Lewis Howes?

  They've stolen from you, they're trying to talk bad about you behind your back.

• 48:20Joe Dispenza?

  Trashing on you, all that stuff. You'll look at them and you'll see a part of yourself that you used to be that you no longer are and you have nothing but understanding and compassion. From like, wow, I just, I feel for that person. They're hurting, they're struggling. I used to be like that, but you're no longer that. When you're that, then they push your buttons. When you're not.

• 48:40Lewis Howes?

  You're reactive to that.

• 48:41Joe Dispenza?

  Because you're equal, but you're, when you've overcome it, why would you do that? You would see them as somebody struggling, just like you see a child who's throwing a tantrum, just like, oh, they're gonna.

• 48:51Lewis Howes?

  Now here, I mean, I've got so many questions around this, but one thing quickly. How often do you find yourself in reaction mode when someone throws you under the bus? Whether it's someone honking at you in a car and you say, ah, this, how often do you give back to that place? And like, cause we're, aren't we conditioned to kind of react and respond?

• 49:11Joe Dispenza?

  Dude, I react every day. I react, oh my God, I react every day. But the fundamental question is, how long are you gonna react? So, shortening the refractory period of your emotional reactions is that kind of intelligence where we're keeping ourselves out of the past justified.

• 49:30Joe Dispenza?

  Valid or not, the only person that that's affecting is you. And then you have to ask yourself, is it loving to me? Well, if you can't control that emotional reaction, then you're a junkie. You're on a bad trip, and you're overdosing. But if you know that you're overdosing, you've got to get beyond your rational mind because you'll say, "Why are you this way?" "Oh, because they should..." All right? By you doing that, is it making more of that as chemicals? Yeah, why were you doing that? To make you feel more like it's justified. So then, this takes... Listen, I excuse myself many times in one day. Because you'll be, "I'm in a reaction mode, let me step aside." I'm like, "Are you kidding me? What, who, what did they do?"

• 50:14Joe Dispenza?

  And then I'll be like, "We're not going to make a decision in this state." So, give me a minute. Oh, wow. I go, take a few breaths, get out of that state, remember my future, where I'm going. It's so much more important than the present moment. I just got to condition my body into that future. And now, it takes sometimes a Herculean effort, I have to tell you. You can ask my staff. I'll be in my, I'll be in there 15, 20, 30 minutes. Sometimes I'll say, "I worked, it took me an hour." To get back to a peaceful state. In the expanse of all eternity, if I don't overcome that emotion, then I'm in my past, and that's karma. Because that emotion's going to drive my behaviors and thoughts, and I'm going to be predictable.

• 50:58Joe Dispenza?

  My past is going to look, my future's going to look a lot like my past. So, if I'm soulfully on the journey, then what matters the most is being able to learn the skill of self-regulation. So, in our, in our events, when we see people that can do brain and heart coherence, they know the formula. Well, I look at their brain scans, and I'm like, "Louis, great brain. Hey, you got, you can, I see you can hold that heart coherence for 45 minutes. Great, now let's put you on a pole at 55 feet in the air. Let's get a heart rate monitor on you, and let's see what you're going to do up there. Do you want to be able to self-regulate there? Because if you can there, it's not like I'm trying to give you an adrenaline rush. Actually, I'm trying to do the opposite. I want you to settle your brain and body back...

• 51:39Joe Dispenza?

  Go against thousands of years of programming like fear and teach your body in that moment how to regulate. I guarantee you, if you go a little further than what you did and you stay conscious, instead of throwing in a program and rushing through it and trying to get it over with, you start breathing, you start getting back in your heart, you start getting centered, you work against those chemicals, I guarantee you, when you walk into your life, you're gonna, the moment you see something, you're gonna catch on right away, you're gonna catch yourself. Now, that saves you a lot of energy and a lot of time. Because if you're able to change it then, instead of four hours later where you're just gone.

• 52:17Lewis Howes?

  Or you've already reacted.

• 52:18Joe Dispenza?

  Yeah, and you've done things, you said, you say, "I should have never done that, I should have never said that." That's what those emotions do, because those emotions make us really primitive. Really primitive.

• 52:27Lewis Howes?

  Very primitive.

• 52:29Joe Dispenza?

  We're gonna become antagonistic and angry and aggressive. We're gonna run in fear, or we're gonna hide. Like, that's really the options.

• 52:37Lewis Howes?

  So, I mean, let's talk about a practical scenario where someone's in a relationship five, 10, 20 years, married or not married, and both parties have a pattern of defensiveness, of passive-aggressiveness, of reacting when they don't like something. And then one person starts to transform, or they do your work, or they do meditation work, and they really start to connect with their heart and their mind, and they start healing the trauma of the past, and the other person hasn't caught up yet. How does someone either inspire the other person to come on this train with them and elevate their thoughts? Or, if they are unwilling to,

• 53:21Lewis Howes?

  is there a way to be in a happy relationship if your partner is still in reaction mode more than you?

• 53:28Joe Dispenza?

  Wow. Well, again, speaking from my present state of ignorance, because I'm on a journey also. I will tell you this, that one of the things that happens and when people start to come across information and knowledge that's really valuable, they wanna share it with the person next to them, or share it with their lover, whatever. But if they're in a relationship for 15 years and they have a lot of emotional agreements with people and things, and they're in a lot of habits, we only...

• 53:59Joe Dispenza?

  Accept, believe, and surrender to information that's equal to our emotional state. So, sometimes it bounces off the person, and if the person's really enthusiastic, then they're really like, "Whoa, what is up with you? You're changing in front of me, I don't like you this way." "We had a thing going here, we could pick apart anybody or anything. Now you're not showing up equal to my memory, you're unpredictable, you're in the unknown." You're unsafe. Yeah, the unknown is unsafe, right? So, a lot of times the enthusiasm is the first thing that starts creating disconnection. But if the person goes, "That's amazing, that's really cool, say it again." Like, they're ready to hear the information, those people are gonna evolve together, right? If the person just kinda looks and says, "Oh my god, my wife's on the Kool-Aid,"

• 54:44Joe Dispenza?

  or whatever it is, this person is, you know, they changed their medication, I don't know what's happening with them, then that person that is trying to explain it philosophically is just looking for someone to exchange information with. That person may not be the person. He may just like Sunday football games and Monday night football and hanging out and drinking beer, and they fell in love when they were the same, right? So now, the next step is to find the person that you can exchange that information with because you wanna understand it better so you can begin to use it. Now, you have to stop preaching to that person. That's the first thing you have to do. In other words, show up happy.

• 55:29Joe Dispenza?

  Show up transformed. Be the example, and then one of two things will happen. I tell my kids this all the time. If you're happy, then that person is going to wanna get some of that, and they're gonna ask you, "All right, so what the hell are you doing? Like, all of a sudden you're like happy." They're either gonna go, "I want some of that," and they're gonna evolve together. Now, if they don't, and then you come down here and compromise yourself to meet them on that level, they're gonna take some of your energy and you're gonna be like, "Who am I?"

• 56:04Lewis Howes?

  Resentful, angry, yeah, all these things.

• 56:06Joe Dispenza?

  You didn't respond the way I wanted to. Now, we're angry and we're back down here, right? But if you stay happy and they come up and they meet you there, then you're still happy. If you don't come down and you stay happy and they stay there and they move away, guess what?

• 56:21Lewis Howes?

  You stay happy.

• 56:22Joe Dispenza?

  You're still happy. So then, people in relationships will compromise themselves out of obligation, out of necessity, out of obedience, out of programs, and at the end of the relationship, they don't even remember who they are because they compromised so many aspects of themselves.

• 56:42Lewis Howes?

  That's why you're hearing a lot of people when they go through a breakup, they're like, "Oh, I lost myself in this relationship, and now refining myself."

• 56:48Joe Dispenza?

  They were changing in a way that kept the relationship safe.

• 56:53Lewis Howes?

  Why do so many relationships do this in general?

• 56:56Joe Dispenza?

  Because nobody wants to tell the truth. If you sat down and said, "Let's get vulnerable. Let's sit down, let's open our hearts. I have a bottle of wine, let's get vulnerable. Hey, I'm this. How are you doing? What's really going on in there? Are you happy? And then be an adult, like, "You're unhappy, I'm unhappy too. You wanna try to stick this out? All right, well, if I were to say, if I could get in my heart and I was looking at myself, these are the things that make me unhappy with me and that I wanna change. It's not only you, it's me what I wanna change." And the other person said, "Listen, I'm stuck. I'm stuck too. I don't know how to change. I'm doing this, I'm drinking more or whatever. I gotta stop. And it's important enough for me.

• 57:40Joe Dispenza?

  This relationship is important enough for me that I'm willing to make the change and let's figure out how to do it together." That to me, or... I've done this, hey, I can't feel it anymore. I can't feel that feeling anymore. I think it's time to move on. I love you, but it's turned, I've changed and I still love you, but I gotta go. I mean, it's just different. We don't have the same interests anymore. We've grown in different directions and out of respect, let's do that together, right? So those relationships still stay fertile. They're still wonderful. They're still, you keep them alive, but they've transformed into something else. It's the not telling the truth about how you really feel because it would make you vulnerable

• 58:22Joe Dispenza?

  and that means someone one-ups you or you may get shocked or, you know, rejected in some way.

• 58:33Lewis Howes?

  I think the thing that, the place in my life right now, I'm 37. Thing in my life and the relationship I'm in now, I'll tell my girlfriend often, I'm like, I'm so grateful that we're on this journey together. And there's cultural differences. You've been with a Latin woman in the past. There's cultural differences. There's language differences. There's understanding, belief differences, all these things. The thing that I tell her is like, listen, I want to be with you for as long as we can be together. If that's our lives, great, I'm committed to you. But I'm also committed to myself. And if we're not able to line up consistently over time and if it's, we're both suffering and we're unable to make it work, it's okay. We can break up. It's okay. And this is the first time I've been in a place where I'm okay with her and okay not with her.

• 59:18Joe Dispenza?

  That's healthy, yeah.

• 59:20Lewis Howes?

  And so we were able to talk about these things from a healthy space, not needing it to work out.

• 59:26Joe Dispenza?

  Right.

• 59:26Lewis Howes?

  Because we're not lacking.

• 59:27Joe Dispenza?

  Right, because of course, because you feel differently. You're using the love. Look, the truth is, if you truly are love.

• 59:39Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 59:40Joe Dispenza?

  Then you will be challenged always to a greater level of love. And I have had enough mystical experiences where I thought, you just can't have any more love than this. Until I've had another experience and I'm like, wow, there's even more, right? So in love, in a loving relationship, I have three children and I only want the best for them. That's it. So if you truly love someone and you want the best for them and they need to go. You gotta love them.

• 1:00:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:08Joe Dispenza?

  Just as long as they got that kind of clear agreement with each other. Like, "I'm gonna go. I just gotta go." And, yeah, it's gonna hurt, but that's just, if there's truly love, you would want that for that person, their best, right? So then, it's not something that we do that is a recipe. It's trial and error. And I think the number one thing that I've learned over the years in any relationship, it's about awareness. It's about, "Who am I being in this moment? How conscious can I stay? How am I speaking? How am I acting? What is the tone of my voice? How much more can I give? How can I forgive? If I'm having problems forgiving somebody,

• 1:00:52Joe Dispenza?

  I would think about something that I may have done in my life that I would want forgiveness for. And I would think about how I wanna be forgiven. And I would forgive that person in the same way that I would be forgiving myself. And in a sense, I am forgiving myself, right? So, we have to see it as this illusion of separation, this illusion of three-dimensional reality. This is the plane where we demonstrate love. I mean, we came from source. We came from singularity. We came from pure love. And down into density, fooled by our senses into separation. And the survival hormones create more separation. They arouse us to put more attention on the illusion, on the objects, the hologram of three-dimensional reality. And we move further away from love.

• 1:01:38Joe Dispenza?

  So, fear is not the opposite of love. It's the separation from it. Anger is not the opposite of love. It's the separation from love. Pain, suffering, is not the opposite of love. It's the separation from love. So then, as people heal into wholeness by learning how to create coherence in their brain and heart, the side effect of that... A lot of times are dramatic changes in their health. And then more importantly, from that place, they could have been sexually abused, emotionally abused, physically abused. They will look at their entire past from that place and not want to change anything in their past because it brought them to that moment.

• 1:02:22Joe Dispenza?

  And they'll see the lessons and they'll have compassion and forgiveness because they're at a different consciousness. Only when you're unhappy with yourself, unhappy with your life, are you gonna dig up the past and find the reason why you are that way. And fifty percent of that story isn't even the truth. You embellish the story to make it sound so hard that nobody can change. I can't change. This is, it was way too hard. And the research on memory is, majority of time, people are telling a story that isn't even the truth. To me, they're reliving a miserable life they didn't even have, only to reaffirm their emotional state. So you catch yourself in the midstream. You know, you catch yourself talking and feeling that.

• 1:03:05Joe Dispenza?

  You catch yourself, that's a victory. To me, that's a victory.

• 1:03:08Lewis Howes?

  It's because you're gonna be in reaction, right? We're gonna have feelings and emotions.

• 1:03:12Joe Dispenza?

  But you ask me, so I react, yeah, every day. But I get better at it. And I always say, okay, if I was in that same circumstance with that same person, I got the same or similar news, how would Joe Dispenza show up more evolved? If I don't know the answer to that, I'm gonna find someone who had a similar experience, I'm gonna read what they did, and I'm gonna rehearse that. I'm gonna rehearse it in my mind, so much so, that I'm priming my brain for the experience. Now I want it to happen. So that I could, it's not about being right, it's not about being, any of those, it's really about my evolution. So then, so then that victory, to me, creates more wholeness. And so that more wholeness means I'm in less lack in separation. If I'm in less lack in separation, then I'm relaxed in the present moment.

• 1:03:56Joe Dispenza?

  And that's the, that's the beauty of being alive, is that we want the moment to last. We wanna be so present. It's so good. We don't wanna leave it. So, love, people...

• 1:04:09Joe Dispenza?

  People want love, but what's the sponsoring thought behind that? They want joy. That love brings them joy. People want abundance, but they don't really want abundance, they want freedom. That's what they really want. They want to be able to do whatever they want, they want to have freedom.

• 1:04:24Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:04:24Joe Dispenza?

  You know, people want a mystical experience. No, they want to be blown away, they want to feel awe. They want to be in awe of life. People want to be healed. No, they want to be whole. They want to feel wholeness. They want to feel whole again. So, if you're looking for the reason why you want certain things, you want it for an emotion. The emotion is the payoff from the experience. It's the payoff. And then we get to experience it with our senses, and it's greater than we imagined. And I'm telling you, when reality starts organizing itself to reflect your energy, and it starts showing up in your life.

• 1:04:59Lewis Howes?

  It's unbelievable.

• 1:05:00Joe Dispenza?

  What kind of feeling do you feel when you start seeing those synchronicities? You feel excitement, joy, inspiration? That's the energy you're going to use to create the next one.

• 1:05:08Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:05:08Joe Dispenza?

  And so, people in our work, you know, this is the thing that I'm proud of.

• 1:05:11Lewis Howes?

  Synchronicities happen daily when you're in a state.

• 1:05:14Joe Dispenza?

  Because your energy's synchronized. Your energy's synchronized to a future. So, the future that you're seeing in your mind before it happened, emotionally embracing, so much so that your brain and body look like it's already happened. Well, if it looks physically like it's already happened, relax. Because it's going to come to you. So then, people in this work do the work every day, and that's the thing I'm the most proud of. Not because I want them to do it out of obligation, or to please God or do the right thing, or whatever the programs have been for thousands of years. They don't want the magic to end. They're just like, "I don't know what this is, but I'm having these incredible lucid moments. I can't believe I just got this opportunity, and wow, this is happening." Every synchronicity does what?

• 1:05:56Joe Dispenza?

  It creates the energy and the belief that there could be more. But they're not trying to control it. They're not trying to predict it. In fact, it's none of their business how it happens or when it happens. That's... If you can predict how it's gonna happen, that's the known. The unknown is like, I'm so happy, I would never try to control it, I'm not gonna leave the present moment. And that's when you're the vortex, you know, to experiences. And so that's the difference between creating as Source, or praying as Source, or creating or praying to Source. Separation is begging, trying. Now, you are, you are connected, you feel divine.

• 1:06:33Lewis Howes?

  You feel you are the Source.

• 1:06:34Joe Dispenza?

  You are connected to Source. And so this place is the bridge to that. Once it's here, then there are, there are, there are emotions and energies and frequencies that are just ineffable. You can't, you can't describe how much love that is, or the feeling that you feel.

• 1:06:55Lewis Howes?

  Thank you so, so much for listening to this episode, my friend. I hope you got a lot of value out of this. For me, looking at relationships in this way is so powerful. If you enjoyed it, please subscribe over on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. Leave us a rating and review because leaving a review and subscribing really helps the show grow and helps us spread the word so we can continue to reach more people, impact more people, and attract amazing guests with even better and greater wisdom to share. So make sure to do that right now and text the word PODCAST to 614-350-3960. If you want inspirational messages sent to your phone from me every single week.

• 1:07:39Lewis Howes?

  Again, blown away from this episode, stay tuned for part two coming next. It will blow you away, I'm telling you. If you thought this was great, you're not gonna wait till this next episode. And I want to leave you with this quote from David Rico, who said, "Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us." Phew, I know it's painful when we have those wounds, but hopefully we can learn to heal and open up our heart in those healing moments when we realize what we truly want in our life. If no one has told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter, my friend. And as always, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.