What is Human Design and How Can It Guide Your Life? with Erin Claire Jones

Do you know your Human Design? Knowing and understanding your unique makeup can help you live your most authentic and successful life, and we're joined by Erin Claire Jones, author and leading expert in Human Design, to explain. Erin educates us on what Human Design is, how to figure out your design, and how it influences and guides our lives. We go over the 5 types of people and discuss how each of these types move through the world. We then discuss the types of decision makers and how they make life and career decisions, navigate friendships, date, and choose romantic partners. And we call out which types of people are most likely to ghost, love bomb, people please, and more. Before Erin joins us, we have some show announcements (!!!) and we break down a frantic DM from a listener who accidentally sent a text about a guy finishing too quickly TO HIM instead of her friend. Enjoy! Follow Erin on Instagram @erinclairejones and @humandesignblueprint, and read her book How Do You Choose? Discover your human design at humandesignblueprint.com and get a discount with code GGE. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Cakes Body: Get 20% off your first order at http://cakesbody.com with code GGE. Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions at https://rocketmoney.com/gge. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at http://article.com/gge. Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order at https://quince.com/GGE. Boulevard: Get 10% off your first year subscription when you book a demo at http://joinblvd.com/gge. Simply Pop: Go to https://cokeurl.com/simplypop to find out where you can try Simply Pop. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think that so often we try to emulate what others are doing because it's worked for them and then are confused why it doesn't work for us. And it's just like, we're just different.

• 0:23Rayna Greenberg?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

• 0:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back.

• 0:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's Raina's birthday as we record.

• 0:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't get enough attention for the birthday.

• 0:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm just saying, if you're watching.

• 0:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it looks beautiful.

• 0:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're still in our balloon era.

• 0:39Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm actually gonna just leave these here until they deflate to the floor.

• 0:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, they're coming to your house.

• 0:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, well, I'm gonna leave them in my house. They're the only color at my house.

• 0:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  They need as much attention. We still have a whole influencer photo shoot to do at your house. We're getting our money's worth. I'm getting my money's worth.

• 0:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Wait, you gotta take photos of me with it?

• 0:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is actually a collab post.

• 0:59Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm gonna do another post about my birthday and people are gonna be like, can you stop?

• 1:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, no, no.

• 1:03Rayna Greenberg?

  It is gonna be like, it's been diminishing returns. I posted a bikini photo of me today looking so hot and forwarding in a bikini. No one cares.

• 1:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, they do.

• 1:11Rayna Greenberg?

  People, people have tapped out.

• 1:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, no, no. I still have way more that I'm posting.

• 1:15Rayna Greenberg?

  What?

• 1:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  About your birthday.

• 1:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  We got a lot of good photos.

• 1:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:21Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel that the bikini photo didn't get the attention it needs. Maybe I'll buy likes for it.

• 1:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  You guys, please go like Raina's bikini photo.

• 1:31Rayna Greenberg?

  I worked hard to look like that.

• 1:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 1:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Just wished really hard. Anyways.

• 1:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  You manifested it.

• 1:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, manifested it. All right. Well, we'll thank some of our partners and we'll get right into it. Thanks to Cakesbody. Get 20% off your first order at cakesbody.com with code GGE and Rocket Money. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions at rocketmoney.com/gge and Article. Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge.

• 1:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  And thank you to Quince. I'm wearing Quince. We'll talk about it. Get free shipping and 365 day returns on your next order at quince.com/gge. And Bolivar. Get 10% off your first year subscription when you book a demo at joinbe. LVD.com slash GGE and Simply Pop. Go to cokeurl.com slash Simply Pop to find out where you can try Simply Pop. So we have such a great episode today. I feel like it'd be really life changing for you guys with Erin Claire Jones and it's about human design and her book is out. We encourage you guys to at the very least find out a little bit about your human design while you're listening, but we'll get into it.

• 2:31Rayna Greenberg?

  It's really fun, different topic.

• 2:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's really so great.

• 2:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm really excited about it.

• 2:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, this is really different and a fun episode. So we hope you guys enjoy, but we have a few announcements.

• 2:38Rayna Greenberg?

  A lot of show announcements.

• 2:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, shows. We're gonna be doing shows.

• 2:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you want to start? Do you want to do us or you or the other one? Why don't you start with yours?

• 2:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  All right, fine. Guys, I'm gonna cry. I am gonna end my tour, the Sex Before Marriage Tour, that I've been on for the last few months at The Wilbur in Boston.

• 2:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Yay!

• 3:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I feel really emotional. Not like we haven't played The Wilbur seven times.

• 3:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, can I borrow yourself?

• 3:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's just my favorite theater in the country, in the world. It's one of our favorite theaters and Boston means the world to me, to us, and that is where I'm gonna conclude the tour. Not that I'm never gonna tour again, but it is the Sex Before Marriage Tour. It has to end before I get married, so we had to get it in. I have been like trying to get this date.

• 3:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Stay tuned for the BJ's After Marriage Tour.

• 3:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Exactly, the Sex After Marriage Tour. No, no Sex After Marriage. And The Wilbur, it's extra special because it is where I met my fiance.

• 3:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Like in the theater?

• 3:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  In the theater, literally in the theater in 2021. And then we got together a year and a half later, but that is technically the first place that I ever met him, laid eyes on him, spoke to him. And he's been there with us before, you know, he was at our holiday shows and it just means so much to me. It's the most important theater of my relationship. And so to end the tour there and like the Boston girlies have been in my comments since I announced the tour and I just knew that I was gonna do something there and it was gonna be special. And I promise, I promise that I'm doing something in Philly. I'm really trying to work this out. It's not easy to figure out where I'm gonna be and when I can do it with other dates, with the wedding.

• 4:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  With a taping, like all the stuff. So I promise, cause like the Philly girls are like, what are you talking about? Boston and not Philly. Don't worry. Just please, trust me. But the Wilbur Show is going to be on sale this week. So I'm announcing it today, Wednesday, the 25th. It will go on pre-sale at 12:00 PM Eastern Time. So you can go to my website, which is ashhes.com. Link is in my bio on Instagram or the Wilbur, wherever. But you're going to see a code to enter for pre-sale and it's Azul, obviously. A-Z-U-L.

• 4:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Try Ryan if you, if you want. Maybe it'll work. The pre-sale code is Azul and you just put that in. It's not case sensitive and you can get access to those and then tickets will be on sale, sale this Friday, the 27th, 12:00 PM Eastern Time.

• 5:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Is your fiance gonna go to this?

• 5:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 5:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm gonna go.

• 5:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I mean, it's just so, so important. Like, I get really emotional thinking about it to set foot on that stage.

• 5:18Rayna Greenberg?

  See that dog?

• 5:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  The dog is there. Yeah, they have a dog that's at the theater. Hopefully Ducky will be there. And really just wrap it up at like the place where I met my fiance, like the last show I'll do probably before I get married and like the conclusion of the tour. And so this tour has meant everything to me. I have shows this weekend. If you guys are listening when the episode drops in Portland, Oregon, which I'm so excited about. And then I'll be in DC for my birthday weekend, July 11th and 12th. All those tickets are going fast. They may be sold out by now. And then a bunch of other dates. Again, ashhes.com. And Philly, just trust me, it's coming soon. And end it in Boston.

• 5:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Yay, I'm so excited.

• 5:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, anyway.

• 5:57Rayna Greenberg?

  I'll see you guys there. I already invited somebody this morning.

• 6:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 6:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think I know who. Okay. And it's a Sunday night, but.

• 6:05Rayna Greenberg?

  It wasn't Ryan.

• 6:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 6:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Obviously Ryan's gonna film it, obviously. No, I invited Higgins and Blake.

• 6:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, you did? Okay, amazing. Oh, that, that's important. They've been with us at the Wilbur. So, see you guys there.

• 6:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 6:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then, so prior to that, we will be in. We had just a few weeks before that. We're gonna be in Florida. We're gonna be in the Panhandle, bitches, for Lady World.

• 6:30Rayna Greenberg?

  In Miramar Beach.

• 6:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's beautiful.

• 6:32Rayna Greenberg?

  September 26th, 27th, and 28th, the women of Lady Gang, who we just absolutely love. They've been on our show, we've been on their show, are throwing a festival and we are so impressed by what they put together. And we actually saw it get announced and we were like, this looks incredible. And we ran into them at South by Southwest and they were like, you guys have to do the festival. And we were like, we would love to do it. So it is a three day weekend of some of the best stacked lineup. Hannah Burner, our friend will be there. Stassi Schroder, Kaitlin Bristow, Rachel Lindsay, they really have just packed this.

• 7:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Chicks in the office, we love them and more. It's just a stacked lineup and the music, it's such a throwback vibe. So Chris Kirkpatrick of NSYNC, O-Town, Ryan Cabrera, Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray, BB Mack, LFO. Catch me on the beach rocking out to Summer Girls. It's such like throwback vibes. I'm so excited. And then the main, of course, so Jack Vanek, who is in Lady Gang, her husband is in the band, The Main. And so we're just so, so excited. I mean, I spent a lot of time in the Panhandle. We used to go there for like an adult spring break when I lived in Atlanta and don't remember any of it. So I'm excited for memories that I'll remember in the Florida Panhandle. And our show will be on Friday night, so we're just going to put on a fun, wild show.

• 7:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  We've done like one other beach festival show and it was insane.

• 7:51Rayna Greenberg?

  We saw someone's butthole.

• 7:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  We just love the vibe. No buttholes at Lady World.

• 7:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, there was a, it was a man's butthole. No one wants to see.

• 8:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  So you guys can get tickets and come to this festival. I mean, it's gonna be incredible.

• 8:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes. Ladyworld.co. Tell all your girlfriends. Just do a girls' trip. Bring your man, I guess, if you want to, but it's Lady World. Bring your friends.

• 8:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. Ladyworld.co. And there's gonna be like Pilates and sound baths and like all kinds of activities. It truly is like a sound bath, just laying on the beach.

• 8:18Rayna Greenberg?

  There's nothing I love more than a sound bath. You just gotta lay here.

• 8:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just lay here.

• 8:22Rayna Greenberg?

  I think we're gonna bring some vibes stuff down with us and sell some stuff at the events.

• 8:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  We will do a little vibes only pop-up situation, but yeah, this is, I can't think of a better girls' trip than this.

• 8:31Rayna Greenberg?

  And guys, we are working on some girls' got to eat shows.

• 8:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 8:34Rayna Greenberg?

  So stay tuned.

• 8:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  We could never not do holiday shows.

• 8:37Rayna Greenberg?

  You guys know that we couldn't stay away from the holiday shows, so.

• 8:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  So stay tuned. I mean, probably in the next, you know, month or so, we're gonna announce.

• 8:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, soon. We'll announce them. So.

• 8:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just a few.

• 8:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Plan to be at some shows.

• 8:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. So we'll see you guys at Lady World, then we'll see you in Boston, and then we'll see you at the holiday shows. Do them all.

• 8:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Do them all.

• 8:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do them all.

• 8:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Gotta catch them all.

• 8:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so we just had a funny DM we wanted to talk about. I think this will speak to a lot of people.

• 9:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 9:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  This girl DM me. She said, "I fucked up. Help me, please. I went to text my friend. He came in 30 seconds."

• 9:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  "I went to text my friend. He came in 30 seconds and sent it to the boy that came in 30 seconds on accident. Please help." I edited the message really quick, but he clearly saw it because he responded with like a cry laughing.

• 9:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Also, if you read your messages on a computer like I do, you can see both.

• 9:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and if your phone's in your hand, like everybody, your phone's always on you. "And I want to see him again, but how can I after that? Oh, my God." And I just saw this. I said, "Girl," three skull emojis. "Have you said anything since?" I mean, honestly, it happens to the best of them. This happens all the ti- I mean, for so many different reasons, nerves. It happens.

• 9:52Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't think it's like the worst insult either. I think the guy's really, I don't know, "What do you want from me?"

• 9:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 9:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I actually, I'm not a male apologist, but like, it's probably pretty easy to come. Most men are like a sure thing. It's probably harder to like make it last longer. So like, I'm just like, sometimes I'm like begging for it. I'm talking dirty and I look so good. I'm like, I know they want to come. Like, how do they not come?

• 10:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 10:15Rayna Greenberg?

  How do men not come quick?

• 10:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, and it just, it like varies. I don't know. Like, yes, you could be with somebody that's gonna come in 30 seconds every time, and that's a bummer. And there's different things you can do to prolong it, and you can look into it.

• 10:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Condoms.

• 10:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Absolutely condoms, but it's just like, that would be annoying. You better really eat some good pussy if that's the case, and work on your foreplay game. But, so, he was a good sport about it. He wrote, "I gotta leave some room for improvement." Like, he right away responded with like tear, like laughing emoji, like tears streaming down the face. And she said, "I tried changing the subject." And then she said, "You should think of it as a compliment." And she said he kept coming back.

• 11:00Rayna Greenberg?

  He's like, "My compliment's to the chef."

• 11:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  And he was just like, you know, "Well, let's try it again." They're talking about getting together again, and she was like, "I'll make it worth it." And he said, "30-second man coming through with a vengeance." She, she wrote, we'll make it 45 seconds this time. And he said, I love that optimism. I'm loving this.

• 11:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm loving this. I think, I think that it's not the biggest insult. I think it's fine if you come quick some of the time. Like it's just gonna happen. Like, he was really turned on. Whatever. It's not the, you don't call his dick small.

• 11:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Thank you. Right. Like, you can come back from this. And I wrote it back. I was like, you're totally good. I really like his sense of humor about it. And also, I'm like, now you gotta keep me updated. And so she sent me to me. And she said, just to wrap it up, I saw him again last night. And after multiple rounds of testing can confirm, he must have just been nervous the first time because he lasted a normal amount of time. And it was spectacular.

• 11:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Spectacular.

• 11:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  What a horrendous dating hack I found. Thanks for being my sounding board. We all have had this situation. And I, it is a compliment, especially if it's, he was really into you, really attracted to you.

• 12:02Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I, I hate, I hate to feel bad for men, but I feel bad for men when I, when it's just like, they come in, the experience is over. Like, sometimes I come really quick. Sometimes I come in like two minutes. Like, what if the experience was over and guys were just texting girls like, well, guys would love to text their friend. She came in 30 seconds.

• 12:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 12:18Rayna Greenberg?

  They would tell all their friends.

• 12:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, we talked about this with Matthew Bressard, about Missy Elliott, kind of starting the whole, like, one minute man kind of thing. And I don't know, there's like so much more to sex than penetration, you know? Like, there's times in the bedroom with my fiance where we, whatever we've done, I have come. And then we have sex, so he can come. And I'm like, 30 seconds tops. Let's get it done with. I'm done here.

• 12:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm done here. I come pretty quick. If you're good at going down on me, which I don't really enjoy, but if you're good at it, or if I'm on top.

• 12:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 12:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm done in two minutes.

• 12:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Exactly. So, we just want to say, this is never, of course, you can tell your girlfriends whatever you want to tell them, you know? But never think that this is a death sentence.

• 13:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Also, this is a great way to give feedback. Oops.

• 13:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  I also think it's a good sign that he had a good sense of humor about it.

• 13:12Rayna Greenberg?

  No, absolutely.

• 13:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  He could have reacted a bunch of different ways. He could have gotten defensive. He could have gotten mad. He could have gotten just weird. Like, to immediately have a sense of humor about it, like, I'm gonna be keeping tabs on them.

• 13:24Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I really root for this guy.

• 13:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, I'm really rooting for them.

• 13:26Rayna Greenberg?

  And anybody that, I, I, listen, I think that you're criticizing somebody's sexual performance and it would be totally normal to get a little bit not cool about. If somebody sent that text message about me to their friend, I would be like, fuck.

• 13:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, but Raina, you're so right. If someone said that about a girl.

• 13:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally different tone.

• 13:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  He came in 30 seconds. I'm like, fuck, yeah, I did.

• 13:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 13:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  You had a magic tongue.

• 13:49Rayna Greenberg?

  You found a unicorn, too. You're welcome.

• 13:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 13:52Rayna Greenberg?

  I was sleeping with this guy who liked to edge and he just like, no coming, no coming. And then one time, very upset about this, we had sex and I thought he came and he like went through the condom way and then we had sex a second time and he like really came like so hard and I said something like, it sounded like you came a lot harder the second time. Like really, there was like a real performance the second time. And he was like, I faked it the first time. And I was like, what are you saying to me? And he was like, I like to like edge and you were trying to like wrap this up. So I just faked it.

• 14:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 14:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I was so upset that I believed it, that I didn't see through it. A man faking an orgasm. Eck.

• 14:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Who were we talking about this with? Were you there about men faking orgasms?

• 14:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know, but it's, looking back, like, first of all, his real come sound was a little too, it was a lot. But like, thinking about a man faking orgasm is so.

• 14:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Were you, were we just talking about this with somebody? Who would I have been with without you talking about this?

• 14:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Nobody.

• 14:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  It was a guy and I was asking and he said he had done it a couple of times.

• 15:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, I was with you. I don't remember this was.

• 15:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just to end the experience.

• 15:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Was it Harry Jowsey?

• 15:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. So, coming soon. Wasn't it with him?

• 15:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Coming soon.

• 15:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Coming soon.

• 15:11Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, women do that just to end the experience.

• 15:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did we talk about with Harry? I think that's who it was.

• 15:16Rayna Greenberg?

  I really can't remember.

• 15:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  And if we did, then it's on our episode. We did his show, he did ours. I mean, who's really to say?

• 15:21Rayna Greenberg?

  It's so horny the whole time.

• 15:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're trying to get out of here. It's your birthday. We got dinner to go to tonight. But recently, we were talking to a guy. Maybe it's him. Maybe you guys will see in a couple of weeks. Maybe you won't. And they were just like a couple of times just to end the experience, which is why women do it. We're all the same.

• 15:36Rayna Greenberg?

  He just really, this guy really likes to edge. I don't think I could be with somebody that likes that. Also, if you don't want to know what edging is, I don't know if it's the most common term. It's just basically like bringing yourself to the point of orgasm almost and then dialing it back. I like to do that when I'm smoking weed. That's the only time I can like really do it and like prolong, like I can masturbate for like a really long time. But like during sex, I can't, I don't know if I'm about to orgasm, I'm having orgasm. It's like I can't muffle the sneeze.

• 16:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  You don't want to miss it.

• 16:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I don't want to miss it.

• 16:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cause you will miss it. There I just feel like women, it's just this like you're on the brink and it can pass you by.

• 16:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Except for when I'm high. Can I tell you I'm on the brink for like 20 minutes?

• 16:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but have you ever taken like a sleeping, like a gummy, like a whatever?

• 16:18Rayna Greenberg?

  And you stay awake through it?

• 16:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  And you pass through it?

• 16:21Rayna Greenberg?

  No.

• 16:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then you're like so fucked up and I did that on the, I took a red eye out to the Hamptons and I just, I never really got to sleep and I'd had like two glasses of wine in the lounge and then took a gummy and I just never went to sleep. I just felt so fucked up about it. Like this is not the best example, but I feel like that's when you miss your orgasm. You're like, I went, it's gone. I went through it. There's no going back.

• 16:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't edge when I'm sober. That's crazy.

• 16:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, speaking of coming, we do have some amazing new sex toys. If you guys haven't checked them out that you can edge yourself with or come right away. Honestly, whatever you feel like doing. And the Casey is truly so incredible. We have this brand new vibrator. She comes in her own case, her own charging case with the USB C that's probably the charger you have for your phone or your computer. So it's super easy to bring with you and she charges in the case. And one end is like a thumping vibration, which is, is brand new for us. We don't have a toy that does this. It feels so incredible. And the other end is your standard vibrator. So it's dual ended, a beautiful butter yellow. People are talking about this color. Like you don't see this a lot with sex toys.

• 17:17Rayna Greenberg?

  No, but it is the color of summer.

• 17:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 17:20Rayna Greenberg?

  It is so easy to hold. It's a great partner toy. Cause it's like the perfect length to use on somebody else. And it's dual ended. So you have both different types of vibrations. And like you said, it looks like a sunglass case.

• 17:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it really does. It's so discreet. So you can just take it anywhere, throw it in your bag. And again, your vibe is never going to die on you because it's going to be charging in that case. But we are just so obsessed with this toy and so proud of it. And you guys can shop the Casey now. And then we have the suck and blow gel, which is our oral enhancer. We put out a cocktail kit. You get three mini bottles, no alcohol in them. So sorry.

• 17:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Sober friendly.

• 17:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Margarita, pina colada and watermelon spritz. Those are going fast. So get them. Those are obviously going to be just limited time for the summer. So grab the suck and blow gel summer cocktail kit. And then we put out our kink links, which are our silicone, squishy, stretchy, one size fits most handcuffs in this beautiful baby blue.

• 18:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. I had this very funny situation with them because I was like, I brought them to the Hamptons with me.

• 18:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 18:15Rayna Greenberg?

  And they were in my hand for some reason. And then the woman who was doing like face glitter came to the door.

• 18:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God.

• 18:21Rayna Greenberg?

  And so they were in my hand and I like brought her into the house and I showed her where to set up and the tablecloth and like the whole interact. And then I went back upstairs and I realized the entire time I had powder blue handcuffs in my hand.

• 18:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  My God.

• 18:31Rayna Greenberg?

  But they're like, kind of inconspicuous.

• 18:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:34Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, so, I mean, they're clearly handcuffs, but they're just like, you know, they're a light entree into BDSM and they're one of our best sellers.

• 18:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  People love them. This is my favorite color that we've done.

• 18:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. Anyways, you guys should shop those at vibesonly.com. Enjoy your orgasms. We are happy to give them to you.

• 18:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. And we're just going to talk about our other partners and we will get into it with Erin. I am telling you guys about Boulevard. This is going to be great if you are in the self-care business or you offer any sort of high-end personal experience. So if you have any sort of spa or salon, med spa, or any other personal care company, this is going to be such a great thing to help your business.

• 19:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I was at my favorite massage place last night, Dan Mother on Abbot Kinney, and I noticed they use Boulevard.

• 19:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Really?

• 19:14Rayna Greenberg?

  And just the whole experience of like booking and checking out and everything with them. I've always loved it. I noticed it last night and I was like, of course, my favorite place.

• 19:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's your spot.

• 19:24Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm obsessed with that.

• 19:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. You're all, you are always there. If I can't get ahold of you, you're a Dan Mother. So Boulevard is the number one client experience platform built specifically for appointment-based self-care businesses. Because salons, spas, barber shops, med spas, and other self-care businesses are so personal, the platform powering your business should feel the same. So I just think for anyone involved in this kind of business, running this type of business, like when you start it, you're like, how am I going to manage all this? They're going to do it for you. Online bookings, payments, appointment reminders, client profiles, and more. They make every interaction seamless and every part of your business look polished and professional. Randy can obviously vouch for that. So you don't have to worry about no-shows, scheduling headaches, or chaos behind the counter. Everything's going to run smooth, have your clients, and they will help you elevate your marketing, generate custom reports. Reporting is obviously so important for any type of business, manage memberships, and take your business as far as you want to go.

• 20:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  They really do it all. So you can see why top beauty and wellness brands choose Boulevard to empower their team and grow their business. And, you know, you don't have to own the business, obviously, to even suggest this to, you know, you work at one of these places and it feels a little chaotic and like it could be run smoother. You could tell the owner. Like, hey, check this out. And then you look like employee of the month. So right now, Boulevard is offering new customers 10% off your first year subscription when you go to join BLVD.com/GGE and book a demo. So that is J O I N B L V D dot com slash G G E. Book a demo and get 10% off your first year subscription. Join BLVD.com slash G G E.

• 20:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, let's talk about boobs. My favorite topic. Today, Cakes Body is on a mission to provide boob solutions for all women that make them feel flattered and free while supporting women's health causes. The company has donated over $1 million to women's health causes and recently went viral for announcing the Cakes Childcare Credit, fully funded childcare for all of their employees. Love to see it. They're nipple covers. You guys, the packaging is gorgeous when you get it. So from the start, it feels like a really luxury experience. The box is beautiful and the leather pouch that it comes in. And they perfected this adhesive nipple covering by designing the first sticky nutty solution. So they're amazing for two reasons. They're super seamless. There's a large size and shape range to ensure seamless coverage. So you go online, you can pick a number of shades

• 21:29Rayna Greenberg?

  and sizes. And I was in the Hamptons for the weekend and I hadn't gotten these yet. I wore this really thin dress and I was just beaming all over the place. And I was like, what could possibly like fit under this dress? Because it's so thin. And I got home and tried it on with the Cakes Bodies nipple covers. And I was like, oh, it is like really, really seamless, even under something really thin. And it's gentle as well. So it's adhesive free nip nook in the center to protect the sensitive nipple area. So you can get secure coverage without ripping your nipples off. And it's dermatologist tested and approved for sensitive skin. I just, a lot of them, I think that they're just like high quality. They look great. They're seamless and they stay on. Like, what more could you really want?

• 22:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I love this. And sometimes if you, you obviously want the look of not wearing a bra, but you can't show your areola, you know, because like years ago, I'm like, what's the point of nipple covers? Then I started to understand. I mean, especially if you're going to wear something sheer, you're like, I'm fine without a bra, but I can't be out here full.

• 22:24Rayna Greenberg?

  People's dads are around.

• 22:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 22:28Rayna Greenberg?

  To check out the product for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code GGE for 20% off your first order this summer.

• 22:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, and I am telling you guys about Quince. I am wearing a Quince dress right now. I am obsessed with this dress. I have a lot of these exercise type dresses from various brands. My favorite one, hands down, this is the Ultraform Active Dress. This is the plum color and I'm obsessed with this. I have this in a couple of different colors and Quince has really everything you could ever want for your wardrobe. Of course, we're getting into summer. Summer is officially here, so you can really check out so many of their amazing summer clothes, like 100% European linen, shorts and dresses from $30. Lux swimwear, their swimwear is really great. They have these amazing Italian leather platform sandals. Their shoes are so great. I mean, everything they do, we're obsessed with.

• 23:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  And the best part, everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands. Truly, I mean, you see these prices, you're like, what is the catch? But there is none. Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. So, I mean, some things that I'm loving, all of their linen. I have like a really great linen set. It's like shorts and a top in black. I just bought a bag. It's this like woven cross body bag. That's like my new bag I'm traveling with everywhere. You just bought some shoes.

• 23:45Rayna Greenberg?

  I bought two pairs. I bought these white canvas like sneakers for the summer and I bought these tan mules, which are like a very light color tan, which I haven't seen that I've just been wearing for summer. I love them.

• 23:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  And their washable silk is incredible. I just love the silk dresses and skirts and tops and great stuff for the workplace too. I mean, not everything is just like stuff you're gonna just like wear out on vacation. They have everything you could ever imagine for your closet. And that washable silk is just, you can throw it in the washer and just hang dry it. That's what I do. You don't like take it to the dry cleaner. I mean, it's just so annoying because you buy something, you're like, well, I gotta pay it every time I wash this? I gotta pay more? Anyway, we are obsessed. You guys, check it out. Give your summer closet an upgrade with Quince. Go to quince.com/GGE for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash G G E to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash GGE.

• 24:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 24:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Let's get into it.

• 24:39Rayna Greenberg?

  All right, guys, we are very excited to welcome our special guest today. She is a leadership coach and a leading expert in human design. Through her coaching and content, she's empowered hundreds of thousands of people to overcome their biggest obstacles and find their flow at work, in love, and in life. She has spoken on stages around the world and her work has been featured in Forbes, Vogue, Allure, Nylon, and more. Her new book, How Do You Choose, is out now. Please welcome to the show Erin Claire Jones.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  Hello, thanks for having me.

• 25:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi.

• 25:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're so happy to have you here. I was reading this book last night in bed. Wrapping it up and just getting the full scope of it. So we're really excited and congrats.

• 25:18Speaker 02

  Thank you so much.

• 25:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 25:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, you came highly recommended from lots of people that we know, Vienna Farren, who's a former guest, and the Almost 30 Girlies, and you just did Caitlin Bristow's podcast. So you're just, you're in the fam with all the girlies.

• 25:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Who do people tell you you look like?

• 25:32Speaker 02

  Oh, I don't know. I've gotten so many.

• 25:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  I don't know. Honestly, my favorite feedback I've ever received is just like, you look famous.

• 25:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  I'll take it. Like, who, you know?

• 25:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Who are you? I'm seeing like a few people. So Ashley, like her thing is to figure out like who people look like. She's like pretty good at it. She does it with these like reality shows, like The Doppelgangers.

• 25:51Rayna Greenberg?

  I know.

• 25:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you did not ring a bell for me. But do people come up to you and they're trying to place it?

• 25:58Speaker 02

  I have, yes.

• 25:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Who do they say? Just say it.

• 26:01Speaker 02

  Well, no, no, no. I mean, honestly, like it changes. Like, I feel like there's like a French actress, who I'm forgetting the Bridget, someone who I've gotten before. But also like when I was young, I got a lot of like Lindsay Lohan, I'm like Ally McBeal, which was bizarre.

• 26:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  But that was when I was much younger.

• 26:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 26:15Speaker 02

  I don't know. I feel like you have somebody in mind.

• 26:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's like, it's a few people.

• 26:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel like it's gonna come to you in the middle of the interview.

• 26:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  It'll come to me later.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  There it is.

• 26:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I just, you have, you do have a look. I mean, also, this happens in LA. I mean, we were out last weekend and my fiance was like, is that Hailee Steinfeld? I'm like, maybe. You know, you just never know. So.

• 26:34Speaker 02

  I was sitting next to somebody this morning who was absolutely in a TV show I watched recently and I just could not place them. And I was just sitting there the whole time. I'm like,

• 26:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  I can't ask him.

• 26:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Everybody in LA looks famous, though.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  I know. I was like, okay, anyways.

• 26:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, so can you just give us like the boilerplate on like your background and what how you got into human design and then we'll get into what human design is?

• 26:51Speaker 02

  Of course. So I had been working with human design for 10 years and I discovered it in 2015 in New York City. I went to a friend's gathering and sat next to a stranger and the stranger asked to read my human design chart. I had never heard of it before. It was like super fringe then. I mean, it's

• 27:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  still very nascent, but it, nobody knew of it then. And it was the most insightful, accurate reading I had ever received.

• 27:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Wow.

• 27:14Speaker 02

  And it was also very confronting because I was not living any of the things that he shared. And he actually ended that conversation by saying, Erin, I think you're meant to do this.

• 27:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  I think you're meant to share a human design. And this was like a total stranger.

• 27:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Wow.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  And that's how it all started.

• 27:28Rayna Greenberg?

  And that's how you opened the book.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  That's how I opened the book.

• 27:30Rayna Greenberg?

  You like share the whole story. Who was he? Like, was he just a person who'd heard of it?

• 27:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  And now they're married.

• 27:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 27:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Can you imagine?

• 27:36Speaker 02

  Oh, no, no.

• 27:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Did he teach it in any way or just was it like a, hey, have you heard of these love languages thing?

• 27:41Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Great question. He had been studying and teaching human design for 10 years.

• 27:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, okay.

• 27:45Speaker 02

  And so he became my first teacher and my first business partner.

• 27:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  And so we built it together for two years before I then launched my own practice.

• 27:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. He knew his shit.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  He, he did.

• 27:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  And he was very much like, you're meant to do this. And also like, I want to do this with you.

• 27:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh-huh.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  That was kind of the energy of the conversation.

• 28:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  So it was really crazy. Like, human design just like resonated with me in a way that was so different than anything else I'd ever experienced. But I don't think I would have thought that like, it was potentially a career path for me.

• 28:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 28:11Speaker 02

  So it was very much like that invitation, which is what my human design is all about, that I was like, okay.

• 28:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, you're the invitation person?

• 28:17Speaker 02

  I'm the invitation person.

• 28:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:19Rayna Greenberg?

  We'll get to it. So what is human design?

• 28:21Speaker 02

  Of course. So, human design is a system based on your time, date, and place of birth, like astrology, that basically reveals how you're wired to operate in every area of your life. From how you're meant to, you know, find the right relationships, to how you're meant to make decisions, to how you work best, to how you're meant to structure your days. I think why I love it so much is that it feels like it's equal parts mystical and practical.

• 28:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  It's obviously mystical because it comes from the stars, but it's so practical because it gives us very everyday things we can do to kind of transform our lives.

• 28:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I totally agree with you. And that's exactly what I thought while reading the book, is there, it's rooted in So many, I mean, it's all about how we make decisions and is it via jealousy, ego? Do I self soothe quietly? Do I need to talk to a lot of people to come to a decision? And I just, I thought it was so interesting seeing like, what was I raised to do versus like, what does this say that I should do? Women are raised a very certain way to behave a certain way.

• 29:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just love anything that acknowledges we're all built different and are going to operate differently in the world. Even from understanding in my twenties, for example, that I'm just a night person and I should just stop trying to be anything different and I'm going to work weird hours and stay up late and wake up late. And I don't do that as much anymore, but it's comforting when you could be like, this is okay. Like, we're built different and wired different and operate differently. So you can lean into that and you're allowed to. There's these different types of people. Not like how your parents or your teachers or your partners or society told you you had to be.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  That's right. I think that so often we try to emulate what others are doing because it's worked for them. And then are confused why it doesn't work for us. And it's just like, we're just different. And I feel like so often I have been able to sit with couples who are really struggling. And it's only because like, they're trying to be similar. And when they understand how different they are, they're like, oh, like, you're not wrong for making decisions slower. Or you're not wrong for needing more rest. Like, you're just different. So I think human design really gives us the language to understand those differences in a really specific way.

• 30:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally. I mean, how many times in every couple fight do you hear from somebody saying, you're not listening to me? And it's like, but I'm in the room. I'm hearing the words. I'm just digesting them in a different way than you're expressing them. Like, my fiance, I'm like, you're not saying anything. Like, and he's taking it in.

• 30:29Speaker 02

  I don't need to.

• 30:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Processing. I'm just like, where's the back and forth that Rain and I would be doing right now? So there's a story at the end is about your dad and he needs more time apart. When you don't know this about people, you feel maybe a sense of rejection or they don't want to be around you. They don't love you. And it's just the way that, I mean, that's when you read love languages at a young age. Your world opens up and that people express these things in different ways. So it's a game changer.

• 30:54Speaker 02

  It is. And I think there's just a lot of friction and misunderstanding when we just don't get it. And human design just helps us understand that.

• 31:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. So you break it down. So there's type, strategy, authority.

• 31:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Throughout the book and like, what do those things mean?

• 31:08Speaker 02

  Yes, great. So, well, first, there's so much more than that. You know, I think what I chose in this book.

• 31:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. There's like 10 things.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  There's a thousand. I think in this book, I really chose like, what are the most actual pieces? What are the pieces that people like when they're making a decision, they can open it up and be like, oh, this is what I'm here to do.

• 31:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then while we're here, we want people to get your book, of course. You guys have to get it. You can dive in. But if you're listening, maybe we can tell people where right now they could go find this. So there's a link and you can put it in and get this.

• 31:35Speaker 02

  So you can look it up at human design blueprint.com. It's totally free and you'll see a really wild looking chart that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But then you'll see a list of qualities and that's what you should pay attention to. Type, strategy and authority are the first pieces. So type is the part of your design that speaks to kind of how your energy moves, your natural gifts, your natural challenges. It speaks a little bit more to just like how your energy works. Your strategy is the piece that speaks to how you're really meant to create opportunities. Like, how do you find a new partner, a new community, a new job? It also speaks to communication tips. And authority is the piece that speaks to how you best make decisions. So are you somebody who makes decisions in the moment based on your gut? Do you need to sleep on things? Do you need to take a full month? Must you talk things out? It really kind of helps us know how we reach clarity.

• 32:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and mine was pretty spot on. So should we talk about the five types?

• 32:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 32:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so what are the five types of personalities?

• 32:28Speaker 02

  So you guys are the same type. I assume you realize that?

• 32:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, yeah, we both looked it up.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  Okay, good.

• 32:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  Okay, so.

• 32:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  We think so. Raina, she thinks she knows the time she was born, but her dad.

• 32:37Rayna Greenberg?

  My dad thinks he knows.

• 32:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  You can't trust a man.

• 32:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, you don't, you don't, but.

• 32:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, if it resonates with you.

• 32:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  Okay, so the five types are generators, manifesting generators, projectors, manifestors and reflectors. So we'll talk about you two first and be honest if it resonates or not. So generators are really here to be like natural doers. You both have like so much capacity to kind of make things happen when you feel genuine excitement about what you're doing.

• 33:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  And your excitement is totally contagious. Like when you're lit up by a thing, it lights up the entire room. So it is so important for both generators and just generators, anyone listening, to prioritize your own satisfaction. And to see that not as a selfish choice, but as the most generous thing you can do. I think generators are so capable, they can end up carrying a lot for everyone and everything. I'm married to a generator, I see it all the time. And so really also being surrounded by people that treat your own desires is like really meaningful and worth prioritizing and don't expect you to carry everything yourself. And these are very just like steadfast, masterful people. People are really good at bringing ideas to life. LeBron James is the example I share in the book, but boundaries are a big lesson for them. How does that feel for the

• 33:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I really relate to it for both of us. I think that we have a huge capacity for work. I think that we just, we love what we do so much. We love this podcast, we love performing. I think it's our best selves and it's what we've chosen to do. We get so excited about it. And I think it makes people around us excited to like be on the show, come to the live shows. And I related to it a lot.

• 33:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I related to it 100%. And it's very funny because all the examples that you used for my types were just such an honor because it was like LeBron, Oprah and Beyonce. It was like, if Beyonce's in this book, I'm gonna lose it. But I've always said I want to be like LeBron. Even though some people hate on LeBron, I'm like, I love LeBron, he's the GOAT. But yeah, I mean, the book is very positive. But I was wondering with generators, you speak a lot about how when they're on and happy about what they're doing, they like draw people in, they light up a room, things like that. Is the other side of it, which I resonate with, like when that's not happening, there's a mood shift, like

• 34:33Speaker 02

  100%. And their energies felt either way.

• 34:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Exactly. And so the idea is that when they're lit up, again, it lights up the room around them. But when they're not lit up, like they project sluggish energy, frustrated energy, and that also takes down a room.

• 34:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, yes. That's what I felt like you were saying in the book.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  Exactly. And so I think that that's why it's often a real reframe for generators to be like, again, this is not selfish to carve out space to kind of do the things that excite me because it actually benefits everybody.

• 34:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  You know, and like as somebody who's married to a generator, like I feel that difference so much for me and for my kids where I'm like, when he's lit up, like we all benefit from that. So yes, it goes both ways.

• 35:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, that's the vibe I got. For me, it's just I can't do a career I don't feel excited about. Like if it's a career that I'm anti, I'll stay up all night long. I will never stop working on it. All I want to do is talk about work on a date. Like I just, I love it. It excites me so much. But my whole life, people have always said, like, when you don't want to do something, Or you are in a bad mood, like everybody knows.

• 35:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 35:27Rayna Greenberg?

  And I'm not, I'm certain, no one thinks of me as like, if she's not having a good time, no one's having a good time. I'm not gonna ruin everybody's time, but I think it's very clear when I'm not bubbly and happy and excited to be somewhere. I don't hide that well.

• 35:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, exactly. I don't wanna say I can bring the mood down, but I think I can and I try to, then I try not to be there. Like, I'm like, I gotta go work out before I can be around people. Like, I think.

• 35:51Speaker 02

  Smart.

• 35:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  My mood is obvious, and I think there's some people that probably just stay a little more even keeled all the time. And generators are a little more, the highs are high and the lows can be low.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I think there are so many parts of our design that can speak to this, but our design really reveals like how we impact others with our energy. And so it's really useful to know, like, do we impact others with our stress, with our emotions, with how we feel about our work? And so with generators, a big lesson is how they feel about how they're using their energy every day has a really big impact on their environment specifically.

• 36:20Rayna Greenberg?

  You talked about a little bit, I wanna move on to other four types, obviously, but.

• 36:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  This one's gonna get the most airtime, just so we're clear.

• 36:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, you guys wanna know about us, and we're the same. So that you sometimes say yes when you mean no.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:30Rayna Greenberg?

  And I do wanna like take every opportunity and I wanna be excited about things, but like sometimes I do say yes when I mean no and I have to like monitor that. Cause when I say yes and I meant no, I am not happy about it. And I bring that energy.

• 36:43Speaker 02

  Totally. I think that like there is sometimes like a little bit of an energy for generators because they're so capable that they just end up saying yes to too many things. Like out of a desire to please, out of obligation because they think they should, but it's so hard to muster up the energy once they're actually there. And for your design specifically, like you have this like very strong will, like when your heart's in it, like literally nobody can stop you. So I can imagine like when you make promises that you can't keep, you're just like, I can't, how, I can't do it. So like, I think the decision-making piece is so important for that reason. I think when we say yes, like from the right place and from the outset, it makes everything else so much easier.

• 37:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  I've always been a person that's like, I don't wanna do what I don't wanna do. Like, I knew early on I had to work for myself. I couldn't do a job I didn't enjoy. And I think Rain has been the same way. And, you know, we've all done stuff we haven't enjoyed. That's just life and we still do. But like, some people can, can do it more. And I, I don't feel capable of it.

• 37:34Rayna Greenberg?

  From her more like just to be able to say like, I don't feel like it. I, and when people ask us to hang out, I feel empowered now to be like, I've gone out three nights in a row. I just don't feel like it. There's no other deeper meaning. I just don't feel like it.

• 37:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Like as you get older, being around people you don't like, you can't do it. We can't do it as generators, you know, like a lot of people can go, this is my human design and I can't come to your birthday. Cause I'm gonna see some people that I don't like and I can't fake it. And I think a lot of people don't think like that. They're just able to flow through the world. What's out? I don't know.

• 38:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, I just think that you and I, when we're on, it's obvious and when we're not, it's also obvious. Okay. So anyways, we can talk about other types.

• 38:12Speaker 02

  Well, no, I, I love that because it also feels like you guys are like at a place in your life where you can't force it. Like when the energy's not there, you're like, I literally cannot do it.

• 38:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 38:20Speaker 02

  And I feel like a lot of people like are like, I've gotta try. And then like, it just ends up not working out for anybody.

• 38:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Not at this age.

• 38:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Sometimes you gotta try. We did this thing last week and she was like, I know you're not like dying to do it. And I was like, but I said yes. And we went and it was the most fun.

• 38:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  But to see, I know Raina in and out, because the amount of times I've told her, you're not going to take that vacation. And she's like, I want to go in and she cancels it. It is so validating to me. So I do always know. Cause I was like, she doesn't want to come to this thing tonight. I can tell, I can feel it. And then I was like, she's gonna have the best night of her life.

• 38:46Rayna Greenberg?

  I did have a really, I had a good time. Cause I, I refuse to be the kind of person that shows up and removes other people's time. I'm not going to do that. I will have fun when I go do the thing.

• 38:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Manifesting generators.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  So manifesting generators, there's a lot of similarities here. Some people group those types together, generators and manifesting generators. What makes them really distinct is they tend to be quite multi-passionate. These are my clients that are like, I'm a coach. I'm also like a lawyer. I'm also opening a dance studio. Like, should I also like become a hypnotherapist? Like they're just like.

• 39:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Very LA man.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  Very LA.

• 39:14Rayna Greenberg?

  This is the most LA. I've dated him.

• 39:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  That guy doesn't have a job, but he has 10 different side hustles. And he's like, I'm a manifesting generator. It's just, it's in my human design and that's why.

• 39:24Rayna Greenberg?

  And a personal trainer.

• 39:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  And a breath work.

• 39:27Speaker 02

  Okay, anyway. Yes, exactly. I think that they often have been made to feel like scattered though and like they're doing too much, but they often need that variety. They need that freshness. You know, I tell a story in the book about a father who came to me and he's like, I'm so frustrated because my daughter is not choosing one sport. She's playing volleyball and lacrosse and softball and track. And I remember looking at her design. I was like, she's a manifesting generator. Like she's doing it perfectly. So like what he perceived as like scatteredness was very much like her living her design.

• 39:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. I like that you frame it like that because we're joking, but this does come up a lot with men and LA on dates and it helps me to at least reframe it. I do look at it negatively. I'm like, can you just pull into port and do one thing?

• 40:03Speaker 02

  Which you are really wired to do.

• 40:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Fuck yeah.

• 40:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is guys dating 10 women. They're like, I'm just a manifesting generator. I just have to have a bunch of different interests. I have to have a blonde and a brunette and a tall girl and a short girl. That's just me as a manifesting generator. I could just hear it.

• 40:18Speaker 02

  So, I mean, again, I think that like there's going to be high and low expressions of this. Like obviously like nobody can do everything, but it is really good to give themselves space to pivot and try things on and change direction and not feel the need to kind of stick with a thing forever.

• 40:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  And also I think for us to know with different types, like I also have a design of like mastery that it's like, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just different than me.

• 40:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, okay.

• 40:38Speaker 02

  Then we've got projectors. Projectors are really here to be leaders, guides, advisors, teachers, not here to do all the doing. So as a projector, I often feel the pressure to kind of keep up with all the generators in my life.

• 40:50Rayna Greenberg?

  You're a projector.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  And so I'm a projector. And so a big lesson for me is like allowing space and rest and pause and just like not getting caught in all the doing. There are a lot of projectors that are like coaches and therapists and counselors. They're often really good at asking the right questions. Then we've got manifestors. Do you guys know any friends of these types? I guess you don't know if your friends are these types.

• 41:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, Louisa is a projector who is a therapist. I'm trying to think of other close friends.

• 41:15Rayna Greenberg?

  I guess there's some things that like, you know, I see these traits in different people.

• 41:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Jackie's the manifesting generator. Jackie's always got a million things going on. Sorry, go ahead.

• 41:24Rayna Greenberg?

  I think that, you know, we can embody some of these traits throughout. Like, I like to be a leader. I like to delegate. I like to coach. I like to give advice. But I am more of a doer than that. Like, I don't see myself as just giving the orders and not, I'm not saying you're not in the trenches, but like, I just, I'm like, I have an idea. I'm gonna do the idea.

• 41:40Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 41:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you think about it, and I'm like, I can't imagine being any other way. Like, I have to do things my way. I have to be the boss. And like, someone like Louisa, who's such a clear projector, who also is a therapist, is like, I want to like, support my generators, and I want to teach and be there for them and ask all the right questions. And it's just, you see how people flow and fit together.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I think also, to your point, it's, our type doesn't limit what we can do. It's not like only one type can be a coach. It's just like, everyone's gonna do it really differently. You know, and so I think that's kind of the magic, is like, how can you do it in a way that's sustainable for you? Like, you might have the energy to be like, I'm gonna like, see a lot of people all day, every day. And a projector might be like, I need like, a lot of time in between my sessions, you know? I need like, a lot of breaks. So it just helps us kind of tailor that a little bit more.

• 42:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 42:23Speaker 02

  And then we've got manifestors. Manifestors are very like, innovative, disruptive people. People that are really here to kind of do things their own way, tread their own path. Not here to be told what to do, or managed, or guided in any way. Their energy can be very on and off. So like, they might be like, super inspired for weeks at a time, followed by kind of time to be alone. These people crave freedom. You know, in relationships, in work, and all the things. So really having the space to kind of be free to ask for what they want, do what they want, when they want.

• 42:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 42:49Speaker 02

  This is a type that I feel like I often feel the most. They walk into a room, I'm like, that's definitely a manifestor.

• 42:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is that very like, tech startup type people?

• 42:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, very visionary people for sure.

• 43:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  We work guy.

• 43:01Rayna Greenberg?

  It feels like, it feels masculine to me. Some of these feel a little more masculine than others.

• 43:05Speaker 02

  And well, the examples I give in the book are actually all women. And I'm thinking, Maya Angelou's a manifestor, you know, which again, like, doing her own thing, but also like, really impactful people. Gloria Steinem, again, just like, getting things started. These people are so good at like, starting movements, starting ideas. Like, not really here to do all the doing to keep the thing alive.

• 43:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, big dreamers, is that like, out of the box?

• 43:24Speaker 02

  And really good at kickstarting things.

• 43:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 43:26Rayna Greenberg?

  But less collaborative, it seems, maybe than somebody who's like, a generator?

• 43:30Speaker 02

  Potentially. And for them, it's really about kind of allowing and... Support like not doing it all alone, but like maybe having a little bit more independence at the beginning.

• 43:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 43:37Speaker 02

  But they're often very autonomous people, you know, where they kind of like need that space and they might want to like do the thing and then hand it off.

• 43:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And something I love about the book is you describe the challenges with these types and what their faults can be in a workplace environment or up in relationships and things like that, which I think is important and those resonate as well.

• 43:56Speaker 02

  Right. And again, we can struggle. We don't understand it. Like you might be dating a manifestor and kind of perceive their need for time alone and space as like taking it personally, like something's wrong with our relationship, but it's like, oh, that's just like such a fundamental need of theirs. Or like, you know, you might try to give guidance to a manifestor, but like they don't want your guidance, you know, like they're going to do it their own way and they'll ask for it if they need it.

• 44:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Absolutely.

• 44:15Speaker 02

  I think it helps us know how to engage with them in a way that actually works.

• 44:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  And strategy, like how you communicate it's so tightly linked because like obviously there's a very specific lens through which each of these groups want to speak to other people, collaborate with other people, et cetera.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 44:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  There's one more, right? Reflectors.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  Reflectors. Reflectors are the rarest type, just 1% of the population. These people are very sensitive to their environment. They're always kind of taking in and amplifying their space. So they have to be such wise curators of who they spend time with, where they spend time. All of us have to be that, but they have to do that very much so. They're also very fluid people, like they will show up in different environments and different seasons of their life, like totally differently. And so for them, it's about really embracing what feels authentic in the moment and not kind of trying to put themselves into a box.

• 44:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Are there types that really just don't vibe? Cause it feels like it would be generator and reflector.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  No, I don't think so.

• 45:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know. Like I'm trying to think of that type of person.

• 45:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, do you mean like at work or in friendship or to date?

• 45:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Friendship, I guess.

• 45:12Speaker 02

  I love the question. I think that like where I think generators and reflectors could struggle is generators really are good at being pretty reliable, really consistent and reflectors, their energy changes day to day.

• 45:23Rayna Greenberg?

  That's what I'm saying. I can't show up. The vibes aren't right.

• 45:26Speaker 02

  Right. So like it feels like that can be hard if they're expecting each other to be the same.

• 45:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's, well, yeah, but like a generator is like, oh my God, stop being such a baby. Just come.

• 45:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. But like.

• 45:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I don't know. The vibes are on. I just didn't energy this and I'm a different person today. And you're like, oh, grow up.

• 45:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. I'm surprised you didn't pick manifesting generator. And generators, because to me that like chaos of like, you never know where they're gonna land. You never know like what they're gonna be today. They might just teach a class. They might just surf. They like you just that. I can tolerate those people for a little bit and then I need to take little breaks.

• 45:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  I guess, yeah, just whoever's more reliable. Cause I think the the generators, both types are doers. They are. Yes. Which we love a doer.

• 46:05Rayna Greenberg?

  And I think, I mean, unreliability, I think is something a lot of people just kind of grow out of with age. So maybe this is unreliability is linked to a certain age also.

• 46:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  The projector just feels like that like woo woo like floating through life. I mean, you know, we all have one. Who's yours? I don't know. I'm also just trying to think of my mom. Like which one my mom is.

• 46:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Huh.

• 46:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cause she is like just kind of so chill in the clouds, never stressed.

• 46:32Rayna Greenberg?

  But you can depend on her. She'll show up.

• 46:34Speaker 02

  And I don't want to say like reflectors are unreliable.

• 46:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, I'm projecting that.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  But like, I think it's there. There just energy does change day to day, which as somebody who loves, you know, when I'm around a reflector, I actually love it. Because like it feels like every time I'm around them, like I get a new thing. And one thing I did not mention is like reflectors are incredibly wise. Like they just see and sense and feel things that most people miss. And so often when I'm with them, I'm like, what do you think about this? What do you see about this? Because their perspective like blows my mind every single time. So like, I do think that so many of the challenges come when we expect them to be like us. Like I think there's like so, so much like potential when it's like you are different. Like you might not have the same energy to show up day after day, but like what are the gifts that you do bring to the table? And how can I create space for those to show up?

• 47:17Ashley Hesseltine?

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• 48:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  We love to go on their site and see how other people have styled stuff.

• 48:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it's great.

• 48:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Be on Instagram, but even just the way that they do it, like I'm obsessed with their headboards and like their couches. You have one of their couches in your house. I mean, just go on there and just start looking around. Like even if you have no sense of style design, which I don't really claim to, they're really going to show you how to style all these pieces and you can really trust the quality and the prices are great. And you can again, shop by collection, bestsellers, new arrivals and bundles. They have amazing bundles for bedroom, outdoor, dining room and kitchen. And again, you can also click on ideas and inspirations on their site. And that's where you're gonna see a lot of these like different articles. I mean, they have blogs. I mean, everything that you need to design your home and become a better designer, honestly, which I'm always looking to do, you can find it on Article. So Article is offering our listeners $50 off

• 48:48Ashley Hesseltine?

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• 49:00Rayna Greenberg?

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• 49:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's what they want.

• 49:42Rayna Greenberg?

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• 50:10Ashley Hesseltine?

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• 50:51Ashley Hesseltine?

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• 51:17Rayna Greenberg?

  So is strategy how you communicate in our authority, how you make the decision?

• 51:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, and also around how you create opportunities for strategy.

• 51:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, so let's talk about the different ways people communicate and then how that relates to the types because I really didn't even think about all the different ways that people are like communicating like anger, jealousy, rage, excitement, all these things until I was like reading it in the book.

• 51:38Speaker 02

  So the strategy, generators and manifesting generators share strategy. So we're going to start with you guys again. So there are two pieces I want to share here. One is that when it comes to opportunities in your life, you guys are both meant to be very magnetic. You're not meant to like sit here and be like, what is the next thing we're going to do? Like you're meant to be like out in the world doing the things you love and then a thing shows up and you're like, that feels good, that feels exciting and just kind of keep moving. So it's actually about like letting things come to you and seeing what sparks a gut response. When it comes to dating, it's like, you know, you're on an app and you're like them or you're in a room and you're like see somebody across the room and you go kind of feel that pull. So this is not about initiating or chasing, but kind of seeing what sparks that gut. But once your gut is sparked, you can be an absolute powerhouse and kind of making things happen. So I'm curious, before we talk about communication, like When you think about opportunities in your life, does it feel like things have shown up in

• 52:23Speaker 02

  your world? Do you think you've kind of pushed what's happened?

• 52:26Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel like I have a good gut sense of like what's gonna go really well. I also fail fast. If I, if I realize something is not gonna excite me, or I'm not gonna be good at it, I pivot. I think her and I are both like that. I think we've both identified in our lives, like when we're just kind of done with something, or we like do a new thing, create a new opportunity. And I think we both only want to do things that really light us up.

• 52:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:47Rayna Greenberg?

  So like, what is that thing?

• 52:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And not throwing a bunch of stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks, but making mental note of those things that like feel exciting, even though they can feel kind of minor. And you're like, can I make a career out of that?

• 53:00Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 53:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  A friend of mine is an amazing tarot reader. And I'm sure she's very familiar with all of this. And she read my tarot cards prior to meeting Raina even, and starting the podcast. And she laid all these things out that I was doing and like, told me what was coming up for her. And she couldn't have predicted it more perfectly. And was like, the podcast is the thing. Cause I'd had an idea about it. And as she was saying it, I was like feeling the way it felt in my body. And like, she's right. And let's pursue this. And so I met Raina and I was like, you want to do this thing? And it just, we both knew it was right.

• 53:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  And we went into it cautiously. We were vetting each other, but I think we both knew it was right. And we were excited about it.

• 53:39Rayna Greenberg?

  It's a planned risk. It's a calculated risk.

• 53:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 53:41Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, like I don't, neither of us are like fly by the seat of our pants. I guess I'm curious to just like zoom out from us. Like, what would the opposite of that be? People that are hesitant to make decisions? People that don't trust their gut?

• 53:53Speaker 02

  So there's like some people like you two that are meant to kind of let things just show up and see how it feels in your body. So it's being very gut led versus what you think you should do. I think the tarot example is a really great example. Like she presented a thing and you were like, that feels right. And your body just knows, you know? And like, one thing I'll add around communication, and then I want to talk, I want to answer your question, is also generators often need specific things to respond to. So if I'm to ask you like an open ended question, like where do you want to go? Or what do you want to do? You might be like, I don't know, so many options. But if I'm like, do you want to do this or this? You're like, absolutely that one.

• 54:21Rayna Greenberg?

  When somebody asks me for like recommendations, I'm like, well, how many people are going on the trip? And what's the vibe? And where are you staying? And is it men or women? Is it couples? Is it a girl's trip? I need to know all the details.

• 54:32Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 54:33Rayna Greenberg?

  And I do, I want to circle back to outsourcing decisions to like tarot card readers and therapists, but should we finish the opposite of this?

• 54:38Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah, exactly. I want to talk about that. So I think that the different strategies are, so some people let things come to them, the two of you. Some people like me are meant to be invited into things.

• 54:46Rayna Greenberg?

  And then, so can we say them? It's wait to respond?

• 54:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, so wait to respond for generators and manifesting generators. For projectors, it's wait for an invitation. So when I think about all the big opportunities in my life, like how I was introduced to human design, it's been like somebody being like, Erin, you should do this. Erin, you're meant to do this. Like, I'm going to create this opportunity for you. So it's not about seeing how I respond to my environment. It's about like having somebody see my gifts very clearly and invite me to share them.

• 55:09Rayna Greenberg?

  So for somebody that's like a generator, you kind of see an opportunity, but you just, you're more deciding for yourself.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  It's more around just like you can respond to anything in your environment. So the question is like, where is your gut pulling you?

• 55:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 55:19Speaker 02

  The invitation is more around like who clearly sees your gift and really values them.

• 55:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Yep. Okay. As opposed to somebody saying like, do this.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 55:27Rayna Greenberg?

  So maybe also how you were like outsourcing decisions, which I found so interesting, like a therapist or a tarot reader, or, I mean, and your friends.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I think different people would respond to a tarot card reading in different ways.

• 55:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Those sound like the lunar cycle people, right?

• 55:43Speaker 02

  Taking all the time.

• 55:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, isn't there like a wait for a lunar cycle person?

• 55:46Speaker 02

  There is for decisions.

• 55:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm getting ahead of myself.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  But I know, there's so much. The other, just the other strategies, just so I cover them, is manifestors are here to initiate. So this is a type that doesn't need, this is initiate and inform is the name. They don't need any external cue. For you guys, it's about responding to your world, being out in the world. Manifestors are kind of meant to wait for like some urge to take hold when they're like at home or taking a shower, on a walk, and they're like, I have a vision that I must bring to life.

• 56:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  So the thing I found the most interesting with the initiate and inform people was some of the dating examples.

• 56:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Because I think women are often told, like, let a man approach you, and you want to be wanted and chosen. And you talk about this client, it says she was struggling with dating. Her coach advised her to sit back and wait for partners to approach her, but this left her feeling disempowered and like she was bad at dating. And she just started to initiate more. And it doesn't mean you have to walk up to people and ask them out.

• 56:33Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 56:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  If that's your style, then she found better people when she was doing the things that were part of her human design.

• 56:40Speaker 02

  And it just says initiating a connection doesn't mean you always have to take the lead. It's simply how your relationships start best.

• 56:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's just so interesting because like we'll have girlfriends say to us like, I'm on this dating app. And he keeps asking me questions, but he won't ask me out. And I'm like, ask him out. Like, that's so natural to me. You're on a dating app.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 56:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're here to date. It's so natural to me to say like, are you free Saturday at six, whatever? But that's not, this helped me to like, remember like, that's just not natural for everybody.

• 57:05Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 57:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  And like making the first move doesn't again, have to be so scary. But you talk about this one example, and it's just, if this is what works for you, having some of that choosing power.

• 57:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Use it.

• 57:17Speaker 02

  Yes. Yeah. And I think it does help us do things in a more natural way for us. And like, I think a lot of manifestors I've worked with, especially women, like they're like, they've been hesitant to initiate. And yet, when they think back on their most meaningful relationships, they're the ones that like on a whim, they just like, made the first move in this kind of moment of courage. And so like, I think it's really empowering to be like, but what is the way that things are most naturally going to emerge for us? You know, I married my best friend, like the person like literally saw me more clearly than anyone and like invited me into our relationship. The last strategy is for reflectors. This is called the way to lunar cycle. Why are you loving?

• 57:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  These are the farthest people from like my types. Every time I was reading about them, like, you know, when you read about types of people and you're like, a little bit of them also fits me. These people, I'm like, nothing about, not one thing. Couldn't be me. So I love it. It's like the woo woo people.

• 58:07Speaker 02

  Right. Well, it is so fun. And it does like bring so much compassion into relationships to be like, wow, you're so different than me.

• 58:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I love it.

• 58:14Speaker 02

  Opportunities emerge for them when they're in the right space. So let's say when it comes to dating, I would actually say the best strategy for them is to kind of plant themselves in spaces that feel good. I mean, like a cafe, like a city, a like, a dating app that they love being on, like an online community. Like, being in the right spaces is what opens the door.

• 58:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 58:32Speaker 02

  And so they're often like trying to force things when it's not working, when like that's how they can be most proactive.

• 58:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. And I want to talk about like the way that you make decisions, which is like, I just thought that was interesting talking about like,

• 58:43Rayna Greenberg?

  That you need to like outsource your decisions to like a bunch of friends in the group chat versus people that are like, I don't need to survey the room. Yeah. I have one friend and she's always like, I'll take advice from people. I don't need it. I don't want it. I just, she is one of my favorite people to go to for advice. Yeah. And it's funny because she's like, I would never ask for advice. She's very good at like self-soothing, giving herself advice, acting on those actions. I definitely like to ask a few different people. Yeah. I think that my friends are really smart. I like their opinions. So I am not always like a, my idea is the only idea and this is the thing I'm gonna do.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  So for you, you two share an authority in human design. There are seven authorities that speaks to how we best make decisions. The two of you are meant to make decisions in the moment based on your gut feeling. That basically means when you get a full-bodied gut yes, there's not like a need to like wait and let it settle. Like it's just like, I can take action. If it's anything but a full-bodied gut yes, it's either not the right time or not the right thing. A week later, you might be like, yes. But I guess why I love what you're sharing is that when you're talking to people, I actually feel like you're just giving yourself more to respond to. Like your tarot example, like your friend could say a thing and you're like, doesn't feel right.

• 59:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  You know, or they could say, say a thing and you're like, oh my God, yes. You know, so you're just like giving yourself an opportunity for your gut to kind of respond and see if it actually is the right thing for you.

• 59:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, again, I think my friends are really smart. I like to source some information for people outside of a situation. And then I feel really empowered to, like you said, make my own decision. But I like the information and we always talk about like, if we make a decision, like if we decide to not do something, how does that feel in our bodies? And like, I think we just, we make decisions really quickly. And if we don't want to do something, I think we're also quick to like, survey the situation and not do that thing.

• 1:00:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  We do that a lot with, what does the alternative feel like? And it's an immediate sense of relief. It's something as small as like going on a trip, changing a flight, doing something. It's just, or, or something big. I mean, you could think about this breaking up with somebody. I mean, you could think of like, think about not being with them.

• 1:00:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Ask yourself if you really feel a sense of relief.

• 1:00:39Speaker 02

  And it's, you know, there's one thing to kind of know your gut feeling and there's another one to trust it. You know, one of the stories I tell in the book is about this woman, Lauren, and when she came to me, she was like really having a hard time in a relationship. She was about to get married. And, you know, like I said, generators respond well to specific questions. So I was like, do you want to get married? And she was like, no. You know, but the thing is, I was like, when do you know he wasn't right? And she was like, from the minute I entered the relationship. So like, she always had that gut feeling like they're not right. But like, we can so often convince ourselves out of it. And so I think with a gut instinct, one thing for both of you to know is that the gut doesn't come with a reason. If you find yourself saying like, I think that I should do this because maybe this thing will lead to this. It's like, you're not, your gut's speaking. Your gut is like, feels right, doesn't, don't know why. Trust that'll find out why later. And so it's actually so cool that you guys share that because you can

• 1:01:23Speaker 02

  actually probably observe in one another when you're speaking from like that gut knowing versus when you're not.

• 1:01:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I think with generators, don't correct me if I'm wrong, like, you really do need to be aligned in your life and what you're doing to fully trust your gut. Because I've had these moments in my life where I just, I felt like I couldn't trust myself. And when I really looked at what was going on, it was like, a darker time, or I was really going through something, or a tough relationship. And I know those moments too, where I'm asking too many people, something that I typically would know the answer to myself.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. One of the stories I share in the book is about a couple, this is hilarious, a generator with a gut response, a sacral authority and a reflector, who's meant to give themselves a full month before they make decisions.

• 1:02:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  And I know, which feels like probably a little bit inconceivable for people like us. Like, I have to sleep on things, but not a full month.

• 1:02:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's the reflector that needs that.

• 1:02:10Speaker 02

  That's the reflector. But when she, when they came to me, they were trying to decide whether or not to move to the East Coast. And the woman was like, I absolutely know we're supposed to move to the East Coast. Like, it's immediately clear, we don't need to wait. And her husband, she's like, he's changing his mind every single day. And so what she perceived as waffling was just like his process of finding clarity.

• 1:02:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's interesting, like, what gives you anxiety? Because like, not making a decision is what would give me anxiety. Not being like, I have clarity, this is what we're doing. Like, Ashley and I, I mean, we work well together because we're like, how does this feel? What are we gonna do? And it's not, it's not rash, but it's like, if I had to sleep on a decision, we sleep on a decision for 24 hours, maybe. But if Raina was like, well, I gotta give it a month. And I got away from that lunar cycle, and then I'll let you know. I'd be like, I don't think we can be in a business. Sometimes it's like 6:00 PM, and I'm like, this is tomorrow's problem. But like, other than that, but I see what you're saying is the other side of the coin is like, making the decision is what makes people feel really anxious.

• 1:03:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, and it's hard to like overcome that.

• 1:03:08Speaker 02

  Right. Well, right, because on the other side of that, like, I'm somebody who's meant to sleep on things, and this goes beyond type. So even though you guys share an authority, not all generators do. But like for me, it's like if I decide in a really rash way, which again is not rash for you guys, but would be rash for me. I wake up the next day and I often regret it. And then I like have to like find my way out of it. And so like, I like need time for it to settle.

• 1:03:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  We say all sleep on this. We do that.

• 1:03:31Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't look at what we do as rash. I just think we like to make a decision and we like to work towards the goal that we've decided.

• 1:03:37Speaker 02

  Well, your design would say you guys both have the capacity to make pretty fast decisions when it's a yes.

• 1:03:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I don't like to sort of ruminate in a decision. And of course, there's bigger things like where am I going to live? Am I going to marry this person? Like, those are hard things. And we're going to get into like choosing people, choosing a career, choosing where to live, choosing friends.

• 1:03:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  But the other, the other one of these, we just want to run through them really quick. We have emotional.

• 1:03:58Speaker 02

  So we have emotional. Emotional authorities are meant to sleep on things and give themselves a couple of days. So not a full month, but like 24 hours, two or three days. This is mostly for the big decisions, but I would say even for the small ones, for me, taking a couple of hours can make a big difference. Splenic authorities are super fast.

• 1:04:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Taylor Swift.

• 1:04:14Speaker 02

  Taylor Swift is the example, exactly. And she's kind of meant to just make decisions based on like the whisper of her intuition. It's not that visceral.

• 1:04:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's like a lyric.

• 1:04:22Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 1:04:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I'm saying it sounds very Taylor Swift.

• 1:04:27Rayna Greenberg?

  There's seven authorities and five decision types. I'm sort of wondering like are how many of them are hyper tied to each other? Like somebody that makes a decision in like one second also seems like somebody that's like really, they're independent, they're the boss, they don't crowdsource.

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 1:04:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Help.

• 1:04:41Speaker 02

  So there are different options for every type. So like for generators, you could only have two. You could either trust your gut in the moment or trust your gut over time. Manifestors, those very independent autonomous people, they have three different possible authorities. Projectors of five.

• 1:04:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  And you guys, again, go to the thing and do your chart.

• 1:04:56Speaker 02

  But like, it's a great question. Like, even though manifestors are supposed to initiate, like, they might have to sleep on things to see what to actually initiate. Some other authorities, there are self-projected authorities. They're meant to kind of talk things out. This is not about seeking advice from others, but seeing how it feels to talk about a decision aloud.

• 1:05:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love this one. Because at first I was like, what does this mean? And then it's just like, you find the answers as you.

• 1:05:16Rayna Greenberg?

  You're feeling it leave your body.

• 1:05:18Speaker 02

  And so you need the right sounding boards. So again, it'd be helpful to know if your partner was that because you're like, oh, my job is to like, ask the right questions and give you space to talk it out.

• 1:05:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Sure. And probably really important, like who you surround yourself by.

• 1:05:28Speaker 02

  Exactly. And also to be explicit about what you need. Like, I'm looking for you to listen and ask questions, not to give me advice.

• 1:05:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 1:05:35Speaker 02

  Then we've got ego authorities. They're meant to make decisions based on like what they have the will to do. This actually might resonate with you a little bit because you've got a bit of it in your design. Like, this is all about, like, what do you desire? Like, what do you want? What do you feel like you must have? Because when these people, when their heart is in it, like, nothing can stop them. And it's also important for them to kind of be healthily selfish in their decision making. And what I mean by that is just like making sure that like, they're like receiving a lot in return. Because when they're receiving a lot, they have like so much energy to show up.

• 1:06:01Rayna Greenberg?

  I do see that for Raina.

• 1:06:02Speaker 02

  Well, yeah. But it is like these people, again, like, when your heart is in it, nobody can stop you from doing anything.

• 1:06:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:08Speaker 02

  I'm curious, like, what I love with these people is like you hear their heart speaking when they're like, I have to do this. I must do this. I want this. I desire this. Like, I'm curious how.

• 1:06:16Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know about in a career sense. I'm very much like that with trips. I, I'm like that with social plans. I mean, I just wake up and like, this is the thing I want to do right now.

• 1:06:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:22Rayna Greenberg?

  And if somebody's like, can we wait five hours? I don't want to wait five hours.

• 1:06:26Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 1:06:26Rayna Greenberg?

  When I'm ready to walk out the door, oh my God, nothing makes me feel crazier than somebody's like, I just need to go to the bathroom or fall for a waterfall. I just want to go.

• 1:06:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, thanks.

• 1:06:34Rayna Greenberg?

  But it also manifests itself sometimes in being, I have to have some self-talk where I'm like, slow it down.

• 1:06:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:41Rayna Greenberg?

  You're being a brat. Calm down. Other people don't need to exist like this.

• 1:06:45Speaker 02

  Well, can I do a quick tangent just on this thing for you? Because like also how this can show up and work is that you're somebody who is so capable and has a level of will that most people don't, that you can often, again, feel free to not resonate. You can often be kind of disappointed in others comparatively low capacity. Like, I feel like people who have this can really struggle because they're just like, others can't do it as fast or as well as me. And so so much of your journey is like, how can I maintain really high standards for people, but not be unrealistic in my expectations? So.

• 1:07:14Rayna Greenberg?

  I struggled with this when I was younger.

• 1:07:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:16Rayna Greenberg?

  When I first came out of college and I'd have jobs and I specifically, I managed restaurants for quite some time and I would be surrounded by these men, these male managers. And I just would run circles around them. I thought that they, they would show. Hung over, they would show up late, they wouldn't do as much work as I would. And I was younger than all of them and I really struggled to like be nice to them socially.

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Because I was like, I am better than you, I am faster than you. And it didn't manifest, it manifested in like a bratty way. And I'm proud that I like outworked everybody, of course.

• 1:07:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I thought that was the generator thing too.

• 1:07:45Rayna Greenberg?

  What?

• 1:07:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Expecting others to do as much as you is a challenge. Like that really resonated with me. I mean, that's like being the leader of the group project.

• 1:07:52Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:07:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, like generators are the person that carried the group on their back.

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I think we all can feel that.

• 1:07:58Rayna Greenberg?

  I guess to take like the leaf from it, like in a negative sense for me. I struggled to respect those people. If I didn't respect you at work, I didn't respect you in life.

• 1:08:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:08Rayna Greenberg?

  And as I've grown up, I've been like, okay, everybody has like a different path. And I've also made myself the boss.

• 1:08:13Speaker 02

  And you are absolutely meant to be the boss. So like, it makes sense. Like, I don't feel like you would do well working for other people.

• 1:08:18Rayna Greenberg?

  And I couldn't work with somebody else that didn't work really fucking hard.

• 1:08:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, totally.

• 1:08:23Rayna Greenberg?

  We just never, I mean, this, we've been together, we've been together in business for like seven and a half years. It just wouldn't have worked otherwise.

• 1:08:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  And we like vetted that early on. We were just like, is she gonna work at her, she's saying what she's gonna do.

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 1:08:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  So.

• 1:08:35Speaker 02

  Okay, well, yeah, it's, it's interesting to hear your experience. Thanks for sharing that. I think that the other authorities, there are mental authorities. They're kind of meant to just talk things out in a lot of different spaces and kind of see what threads emerge over time. And the final one is the way to lunar cycle or none.

• 1:08:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  None, it's called none in the book. You hate these people.

• 1:08:51Speaker 02

  No, I hate the name.

• 1:08:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm kidding. Why? But none is so funny.

• 1:08:56Speaker 02

  I know, I have not historically called it that, but I did go by the traditional names, just not to confuse people in the book. But I think none is so annoying because it basically.

• 1:09:04Rayna Greenberg?

  You're nothing.

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  It's right. It's like the idea is that there's not like a consistent place in our body, like your gut that you look to.

• 1:09:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Whatever they're feeling that day.

• 1:09:12Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 1:09:13Rayna Greenberg?

  I actually, actually hate these people.

• 1:09:15Speaker 02

  Seeing what feels good over time. These people are meant to give themselves a full 28 to 30 days to make a big decision, which I know for people like us can feel like, whoa. And yet like that's how they land in their truth.

• 1:09:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. If they can live like that, good for them. I'm, I'm saying like, if that's what works for them, it sounds crazy.

• 1:09:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, what's the one right before that?

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  The mental.

• 1:09:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, so the people that need to like.

• 1:09:38Speaker 02

  Talk things out in different spaces.

• 1:09:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Are those people that like comment on Reddit a lot?

• 1:09:42Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm just like, how did you find your way here? You don't have friends or a family? You're just gonna create an avatar and be terrible?

• 1:09:47Speaker 02

  That took a turn.

• 1:09:48Rayna Greenberg?

  To be terrible on the internet? Like, that's, I think that that's who's on Reddit.

• 1:09:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know where you got there.

• 1:09:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's finding clarity by discussing decisions with trusted people and environments that put you at ease. So not Reddit.

• 1:10:00Speaker 02

  Obviously Reddit, yeah.

• 1:10:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Reddit has put me at ease, but it puts other people at ease. What would the multiple stages be? Like, you talk to like your coworkers, your parents, all that? What would that decide, Reddit?

• 1:10:12Speaker 02

  The idea is like, different people will pull at different parts of you. So it's often kind of giving yourself a space to kind of connect to a few different parts to see what stays true. So it's maybe like, I'm gonna talk to a sibling, a friend, be in a coffee shop, call somebody else.

• 1:10:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think this is a lot of people. It's not, I mean, it's only 2% of the population. But I think, it also depends on the decision. I think a big decision, like, you really do circle the wagons and get people's input.

• 1:10:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Some people.

• 1:10:36Rayna Greenberg?

  I think the bigger the decision, the more input I'm getting from people. Yeah, definitely. I want to talk about how we choose people and then how we communicate with the people that we are dating. So, like, let's talk about how these different types choose partners, date, show up in the dating, so many things.

• 1:10:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 1:10:53Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't even know where to start.

• 1:10:54Speaker 02

  I know, I don't either. Do you want to start with types?

• 1:10:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:10:56Speaker 02

  Because I think that, I'm gonna talk about qualities that are probably important for you to have respected in a relationship.

• 1:11:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  Does that feel useful?

• 1:11:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Or like, who you're drawn to and why?

• 1:11:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. Like, how you pick?

• 1:11:06Speaker 02

  So, yes, okay, so let's talk about generators. I would say that, again, it's gonna be totally gut-driven for the two of you. It means that, like, somebody might look perfect on paper and, like, check all the boxes and you're like, they don't feel right. Or somebody's like, this is not who I had in mind, and yet, like, I must talk to them. So for you, it's both like, who do you feel naturally drawn to, often in ways that are undeniable and pretty inexplicable? I would say that for you, like, it's also be your own people that really energize you. When you're on people that energize you, again, it's like, super infectious. I think one thing to keep in mind for generators is that... You can carry so much. So really being with people that are like prioritizing your excitement, creating space for it, kind of taking things off your plate.

• 1:11:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, lighten your load.

• 1:11:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Because you can like handle so much yourself is so important. And also seeing your desire is not as like superfluous or unnecessary, but like I need to make space for that. You know, I tell a story in the book of two generators who are married and their biggest love language is like, oh, I can like see you're having a hard time. Like go work out in the yard. I know how much you love it. Or like, oh, like I see you're having a hard time. Like go work on your book. I like know you need to write your novel. So it's like really kind of tending to that.

• 1:12:07Rayna Greenberg?

  What would sort of the opposite, like, I definitely think her and I both relate to just being like, we have a list of things we would like, but you know, there's not a rigidity in it. So like, what would, like, what would the opposite be, being somebody that's just like, I have a list. I want a man in finance who makes X amount of money, who went to an Ivy League school, and I refuse to pivot from that, even if I walk into a room and I find somebody, like, would that be the opposite of that?

• 1:12:30Speaker 02

  It's a great question. Nobody's meant to like have a list, but it is meant to be like, what you're looking for is a little bit different. For the two of you, it's like meeting somebody who your body is just like, magnetized to them. They walk in a room and you're like, I can't help but like be so drawn to this person. I'm curious, like with dating for you, have you felt that kind of, do you feel like you allow that gut response to be your guide?

• 1:12:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, sometimes at my own detriment.

• 1:12:53Rayna Greenberg?

  But I think that there's not a ton of commonality between every single person I've dated. I mean, I've been in serious relationships with really nice people that treated me well. And that's the commonality. But I don't have like a type of like this type of career, this type of lifestyle, this type of background. Like if I vibe with you.

• 1:13:10Speaker 02

  Right, like I know when I'll see it.

• 1:13:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, that's what's important to me.

• 1:13:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. And what about your fiance? How did you feel when you first met him?

• 1:13:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  A long story. Cause I technically did meet him, you know, a year and a half, two years before we got together. But it does all resonate. I weirdly had a list that I didn't really think about in the moment, or when I first started dating, that he really fulfills like the whole list. So I do feel like that was some manifesting going on there too, that was always in the back of my mind. But yes, I knew how I felt with him and I just followed that. The relationship didn't make sense for a bunch of reasons. I mean, we were across the country from each other. He's younger than me and that's not what I thought I was looking for at the time. I thought I was looking for a different type of guy that lived here or lived in New York. I mean, there are so many reasons why I just never would have thought the first night we hung out, hooked up that that was gonna be be my man and but I just he made me feel comfortable and I just knew.

• 1:14:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I always say I if I just know I want to see somebody again. If I just know I want to text them back, like, that's all I need to know. Yeah. And I'd let that guide me. But it's weird because, you know, he had been in my DMs for a while and something made me hit him back. And I think I was just horny, but you know, I just was like, those things of like, what if I didn't? Like, I could I could cry. I mean, I could just, what if something in that moment didn't make me reach out to him after him being interested in me after all this time? So all those little things resonate with the type of person I feel like I am.

• 1:14:34Rayna Greenberg?

  That's why I asked about like the rigidity of like the like to say like, I want somebody who lives in LA. I'm just not gonna entertain this. Like, that's not what you're like. So like, you are more like, this feels good.

• 1:14:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:43Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm gonna lean into this.

• 1:14:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, so let's talk about the other types and how they pick. I'm really curious.

• 1:14:47Speaker 02

  So for projectors, you know, I actually never really felt like I was good at dating for a lot of these reasons. I think projectors like are really good at seeing other people. Like, they are really good at making others feel seen and understood. And what's so important is they feel like so deeply seen. Because projectors like aren't natural doers, so they need somebody who's like, I see you so clearly. They really do well with invitations. So like, a lot of question asking, like a lot of curiosity. I think for me, I often found myself in relationships where I was asking all the questions. And so one of the biggest kind of compasses for me is like, where is the reciprocity? Where am I also being asked a lot of questions? Like, where do I feel really seen in return? I think projector energy is a little bit intense in that like they can really lock into people. So they have to feel like really invited in by that person. And often how relationships best start is somebody seeing them clearly and inviting them in.

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  But I think the questions are like, do you feel seen? Do you like questions are being asked? Do you feel invited in? Like, do you feel really genuinely recognized? And I think to your point, like, some of these things are gonna hopefully resonate for everybody. Like, I think we're all gonna want to be asked questions. But I know for me, that's kind of like the thing that I watch out for. And like I said, the person I married is the person that like asked the most questions. Like, there was the most reciprocity. So like, that's always been the thing that I followed.

• 1:15:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Before him, were you picking up on that when you would meet other people or date other people? Like, would you reflect and be like, I just asked them a million questions and it wasn't reciprocated?

• 1:16:05Speaker 02

  It was like the default, you know? So I would say like, I was picking up on it, but I was just kind of like, it was the norm.

• 1:16:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  But did you know that you wanted a different type of person?

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  I think that he was the one that helped me reveal like another kind of person was possible.

• 1:16:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 1:16:18Speaker 02

  You know, and it's true of friendship too. Like, I feel like for, as a projector, like, I was in so many, like, large communities, which I love, but then I was like, I love that I like make people feel seen, but I don't feel seen by any of them in return.

• 1:16:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I had a sort of a dating coach say that to me recently. She was like, you slip into this thing where you ask other people a lot of questions and you've mined a lot of information about them, but you're not really sharing anything about yourself. So you don't actually feel a connection to them.

• 1:16:40Speaker 02

  Totally. And they might feel so connected to you.

• 1:16:42Rayna Greenberg?

  And they feel connected to you. And I think that you see so much on dating content, TikTok and everything, people saying like, men don't ask questions. And this dating coach had said to me, like, practice being comfortable, being quiet and being asked questions. Cause like where I really fall for somebody is when I feel like they really understand my life. They ask me a lot of questions. They're smart questions. They're intuitive questions. And I feel excited to share the stuff with them, but I will slip into the other role more naturally.

• 1:17:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I told Brandon this the other day. It was like, we, there's a theme between some of these men in her life that she's rarely fallen for. And it is that those are the ones that ask her million questions are so enamored with her as a person and what she does for work and all these types of things. And it makes sense because the other way is that you're on a date and you're interviewing people. And then you look back on it and you're like, did he even get to know me at all? So you will find your person. But then when do you stop asking each other questions? Like, are you and your husband just nonstop, like, all the time?

• 1:17:38Speaker 02

  Oh my God, no. Well, we also have two young kids. So like, we're just like, we need a break from talking. But I think that like, I would also say for you as a generator, like, because generators are so passionate, like being asked questions about like the things they're most passionate about and excited about is like the best thing, kind of like the way to their heart.

• 1:17:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  It is.

• 1:17:52Speaker 02

  Like projectors, projectors that might be like, how do you see the world? What do you think about, you know, but like, there's something about like being asked about your passions and things, which is like so.

• 1:17:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's literally like, this is what's kept her locked on some of these guys for years is because they want to hear about her work.

• 1:18:06Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, the last person I'd say I felt like, yeah, so I hope it's now like, what do I want to talk about? And we own a sex toy company and we did this podcast. We tore like all our, and talk about his work. The last person I would say I felt like real love feelings for was somebody that would just spend hours talking to me about me.

• 1:18:24Rayna Greenberg?

  I told her the other day, I was like, I just. Want to flag this.

• 1:18:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Feel like this is the thing we should tweet and talk about. But it was interesting when Amy, my dating coach, had said to me, like, you don't feel any connection to these people. It's because like you're just asking them questions. You're not really sharing anything about yourself.

• 1:18:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  You feel seen and that's the thing.

• 1:18:43Rayna Greenberg?

  No, and though in the relationship you're talking about, I feel very seen.

• 1:18:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:46Rayna Greenberg?

  That's why I was so in love with him.

• 1:18:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:18:48Rayna Greenberg?

  By relationship, I mean, we were never in a relationship. But the dates that I go on where I walk away and Ash has always been like, you don't really get that excited. And like, I think that's because like, I don't really walk away feeling a real connection to a lot of people. But they feel connected to me. Yeah.

• 1:19:03Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 1:19:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:19:04Speaker 02

  Okay. Makes me want to look at all the other parts of your design. Okay, so then manifestors. So like we talked about, they're here to initiate relationships. So it's kind of like, if they feel like an urge, just like to do a thing to just kind of go like, let people know what they want. That's often how they start. I would say what feels important for manifestors in relationships is to feel like permission to be like really big. Those people that are like big and bold and have visions and like not having somebody question them or talk them out of them, but being like, you're gonna like do things your own way. I'm like, I'm not gonna try to get in the way of that. I think I mentioned this already, but manifestors need a lot of space to kind of be alone and do their own thing. Their energy ebbs and flows. So having the space to be like, I need to go be alone. I want to sleep alone. I want my own apartment. You know, like I need that autonomy.

• 1:19:43Speaker 02

  You know, I tell a story in the book of a couple and one was a manifester and they were dating long distance and she loved it because she had all this autonomy. And then they moved in together and she was like, I feel so constricted. And I think the conversation was like, is this still the right relationship or are the conditions just not supportive? So they ended up sleeping in their own bedrooms and then she's like, oh, this is amazing.

• 1:20:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's so interesting.

• 1:20:03Speaker 02

  So it's just like maintaining that autonomy.

• 1:20:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  And if you don't understand someone's different needs and personality, you would be, it's too personal.

• 1:20:11Speaker 02

  Totally. You know, and like, again, manifestors are very on and off. So like, you might have a week where you're like, oh my God, we're hanging out all the time. And the next week, like they're unavailable. So it's like, they need to have people that are secure enough in their connection. That it's like, I can let you be in your own burst and be alone and that's perfectly fine.

• 1:20:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do people compare these human design types to love languages? Because it sounds like there's like a connection between these.

• 1:20:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think that like they do, but there's no like, you know, really linear. Near correlation. Like I will say that like projectors tend to love words of affirmation. As a projector, having somebody like specifically recognize you is like the weight of our heart. Generators tend to love like acts of service, like in a way that kind of gives you more space to do the things you enjoy. So like there are, I think, connections like that.

• 1:20:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Interesting.

• 1:20:52Speaker 02

  But again, no like super linear ones.

• 1:20:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, thanks for explaining that.

• 1:20:55Speaker 02

  Reflector is in relationships, your favorite. You're gonna like find out somebody you love is a reflector.

• 1:21:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Ashley just ends the friendship.

• 1:21:03Speaker 02

  Or we're just gonna find out you're actually a reflector.

• 1:21:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  We find out the actual time.

• 1:21:07Rayna Greenberg?

  You hate what you are.

• 1:21:08Speaker 02

  I think that reflectors, you know, because they are so naturally fluid, they need to be with people that give them space to kind of keep becoming new versions of themselves. Where they don't feel, might not be you, but like.

• 1:21:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of course they do. Every day, they gotta be to something different.

• 1:21:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Typical reflector.

• 1:21:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Can you hear their vows? Oh, my God. A wedding for a reflector. Every day, he gives me a new space to be a different version.

• 1:21:34Speaker 02

  I know you're not gonna like this, but I remember getting a chalk once and there was a reflector and she was like, in my dating bio, I literally put, I am undefined. Because she was like, don't try to put me in a box because it's changing.

• 1:21:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  You can put me in a box.

• 1:21:45Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then I guess I would say one other piece with reflectors is because they, they're like a little bit unicorn, like they're 1% of the population. These are people, my clients, that are often like the most relieved to learn their design. Cause they're like, I wondered why I didn't feel like most people. And so I think it's important for them while they're dating, exploring to kind of be with people that start to recognize how different they are, that kind of aren't expecting them to operate like them.

• 1:22:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Are they best matched with another reflector?

• 1:22:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Like in general, are there, which of these types are best together and which are like, fuck no, stay well back.

• 1:22:15Speaker 02

  So I think everyone will have a different perspective on this. My perspective is that human design shouldn't limit like who we can or cannot be with. But more that it tells us who we can be with that person best.

• 1:22:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I like that as opposed to like, because people do like, you could never be with this astrological sign. It's like, people do it every day.

• 1:22:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. Like I think it's more a thing that like, once you like have decided that you're like, oh, this person I want to like marry, then it's like, okay, now let me look up their design. You don't have to wait that long, but like, let me look up their design and now discover it. I would say there's something really nice being with people of a similar type. There's a sense of like resonance and harmony. It's just kind of like, a lot of my best friends are projectors like me. But I do feel like we're often attracted to difference, you know, so I see that a lot in couples with like opposite designs. But it requires that they understand how different they are.

• 1:22:58Rayna Greenberg?

  So we thought it might be fun to ask you like some different dating behaviors and who's most likely to do these things. And some of them I'd call really negative and some I'd call like self harming behaviors, like extreme people pleasing.

• 1:23:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's the funny thing about the book. It's all pretty positive.

• 1:23:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, right.

• 1:23:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  See if you can talk some shit. Okay.

• 1:23:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Is there somebody, is there a type that's a little more prone to like ghosting?

• 1:23:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're not gonna have the conversation with you. They're just gonna peace out. She's like, I can't say this.

• 1:23:25Speaker 02

  I would say reflectors potentially because they tend to avoid confrontation.

• 1:23:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Really?

• 1:23:29Speaker 02

  In their shadowy expression, their wisdom, they speak their truth, but in the shadowy they can.

• 1:23:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I figured she would frame it as being conflict averse.

• 1:23:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  I would have thought manifestor, just too flight.

• 1:23:38Speaker 02

  Manifestors are actually another great one because like, I didn't talk about this, but one of the biggest lessons for manifestors is keeping people in the loop and it's often the most unnatural thing for them. So it is very natural, as you said, for manifestors to disappear and like not even think to keep somebody in the loop. And the person's like, I'm sorry, what happened? And so manifestor is like a big practice for them is like, how can I like let people know what I'm choosing and just keep them informed?

• 1:23:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  And reflectors are like, I was a different person yesterday. So I don't know that person.

• 1:24:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Energetically, I don't relate to that.

• 1:24:07Rayna Greenberg?

  So is that sort of like also like really hot and cold behavior? People that like they, you're just not really sure what you're gonna get day to day with a partner? Is that sort of what you're also describing? They can't loop you into what's up?

• 1:24:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  With manifestors.

• 1:24:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, it's because their energy's gonna change. Like, they're gonna have like moments of like really on fire and back. And so like, yes, I think that like you might feel like it's cold because they haven't been in touch for three weeks and then they come back really hot and you're like, I'm sorry, what happened? And they're like, oh, I was just like in my own thing. I'm back, I'm ready. Again, this is why they keep people in the loop.

• 1:24:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, yeah, of course. Okay, what about people pleasing?

• 1:24:40Speaker 02

  I would say potentially generators.

• 1:24:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:24:42Speaker 02

  And I say that just because like, people can like want them to do all kinds of things because they're so capable and they can like really start saying yes from the wrong spot.

• 1:24:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, okay. Chronic flakiness. People that just are a little inconsistent. You don't really know what they're gonna do.

• 1:24:56Speaker 02

  I would say, again, in a shadowy expression, potentially projectors and reflectors. Because like they just might not have the energy that day and then like might not let people know. So again, it's like important to kind of honor those ebbs and flows.

• 1:25:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, love bombing.

• 1:25:09Speaker 02

  I would say probably manifesting generators and generators.

• 1:25:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:25:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Overthinking every interaction, needing to dissect every text message. What does this mean?

• 1:25:17Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:25:18Rayna Greenberg?

  All women.

• 1:25:19Speaker 02

  All of us, yeah.

• 1:25:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Doesn't that almost feel like a more of the strategy or the decision making?

• 1:25:24Speaker 02

  I think of like-

• 1:25:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Behavior.

• 1:25:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think so. And I think honestly, what I would think of, there's so many of us. I would actually say you and your design. I don't know if you actually resonate with that, but also like the mental authorities. Because what they have, which you also have, is like a really powerful, active mind. That's kind of always thinking. So if they kind of use that to just dissect everything, then it can drive them a little bit crazy.

• 1:25:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, okay. Idealizing somebody too quickly. You go on first dates and you're like, that's gonna be my husband.

• 1:25:51Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh. This makes me think of a profile, another part of human design. This is people that have like a five in their profile. If we have any human design lovers listening, I think you both have a five in your profile. Is that true?

• 1:26:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have a three out of five.

• 1:26:01Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't remember.

• 1:26:02Speaker 02

  It's not a fraction, but I love it.

• 1:26:06Speaker 02

  You're a three five. I think you're a five one. It's, it's another part, the five is very much that people can like project possibility on to you. So they can actually pedestalize you guys.

• 1:26:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh.

• 1:26:15Rayna Greenberg?

  What's the three? What is this three?

• 1:26:16Speaker 02

  The three is around the fact-

• 1:26:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  What is this three fifths situation?

• 1:26:18Speaker 02

  The three is around the fact that you're gonna have learned through experimentation, trial and error, throwing things against the wall, seeing what works, what doesn't. So for me, it's a little bit lesser on which type does that and more who it's often done to.

• 1:26:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  When you guys do this, you're gonna get this big chart and you can go through it. And we also have a code for you to purchase, like your full scope of it. And we can share that at the end. But this stuck out to me. It's not self-theme.

• 1:26:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  And mine was frustration. So I just, I wanna understand it.

• 1:26:44Speaker 02

  No, it's a great question. And I talk about this a bit in the book because it's so helpful. But we basically all have signals that reveal whether we're on or off track.

• 1:26:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:26:51Speaker 02

  So for the two of you as generators and for manifesting generators, off track, which happens inevitably for all of us, often shows up as frustration. And it's rooted in like, just like you're not enjoying how you're using your energy. You feel resentful, you feel dissatisfied. You might get into bed at night and you're like, I like don't like how I spent my energy today. And I also feel like exhausted in like a really unsatisfying way. The opposite for the both of you to be on track is to feel deeply satisfied.

• 1:27:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, the signature.

• 1:27:15Speaker 02

  The signature. You drop in a bed and you're like, I'm delightfully spent. Like I have left it all in the field of the, I mean, just watching you both go like, mm.

• 1:27:21Rayna Greenberg?

  That's how I want to feel.

• 1:27:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I just talk in a glass of wine, a little Vanderpump on the screen.

• 1:27:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Killed it today.

• 1:27:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh.

• 1:27:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Left it all in the field.

• 1:27:28Speaker 02

  Left it all in the field, you know? So like, I would say if there's a relationship that's consistently bringing you frustration, like that's basically a signal to look at it and be like, could I show up differently? Is this still the right thing for me? For projectors, it's bitterness when they're off track.

• 1:27:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I was gonna ask the others.

• 1:27:41Speaker 02

  Which is not being recognized or appreciated. For me, it's like, I just feel unseen. I feel like nobody's asking my perspective. To be on track for me is success, all projectors, which is like, I feel like so invited to like, do the things I'm doing and I feel compensated for them. And I feel like, I feel just like, really, you know, empowered to be who I want to be. Manifestors to be off track is anger. That often is like a disempower, like not free to do what they want, when they want. And their signature, the signal they're on track is peace. So if a relationship brings them peace, that's often a really good indicator too, like free to do what they want, when they want. Reflectors, your favorite type. Off track is disappointment. And it's often kind of like, just not allowing themselves to be present to like, where they are, spending time in the wrong spaces with the wrong people. And to be on track is a sense of surprise, that they're kind of constantly marveling

• 1:28:25Speaker 02

  at all the amazing directions life is taking them in.

• 1:28:28Rayna Greenberg?

  You talk about there's, you know, how you're raised and there's choice and this is what you're predetermined to. And I like that you just say that like, we can learn better decision making. We can learn to do what makes us feel good and gives us peace. And a lot of people, and especially women, are conditioned to be a certain way, to make decisions a certain way, to not be disruptive, to placate, to please other people. And I think that your book gives a lot of autonomy to like, change, like go of those bad things that don't really serve you.

• 1:28:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:54Rayna Greenberg?

  So I just, I loved the book and the way that you speak about choice.

• 1:28:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  And just understanding the people in your life, your friends, your family, and your partners or future partners.

• 1:29:03Speaker 02

  Exactly. I think, my hope for the book is that you don't only read the chapters about you, but you also read the chapters about your partners and friends, and business partners and colleagues. Because like, even me reading the chapter about generators, I'm like, oh my God, I could do this better for my husband, or like, reading about my daughters. So like, it is such a beautiful way to understand the people around us.

• 1:29:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's a really fun exercise with a partner, or at close, family member, or anything like that.

• 1:29:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love it. Okay, so you guys get the book and tell us everything else, like, you know, where to follow you, but also, we have a code, you take it away.

• 1:29:32Speaker 02

  So the book you can get anywhere. How do you choose a human design guide to what's best for you at work and loving in life? If you want to dive deeper, you can go to human design blueprint.com and get a hyper personalized guide. It's all about you. The code is GGE. And just so you guys understand how hyper personalized, there are 400,000 possible versions of this guide. I know. It's crazy. So really unique to you, really custom. And then on Instagram, I'm at Erin Claire Jones and Human Design Blueprint.

• 1:29:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Amazing. Amazing. You guys get the book. It's out now. Thank you so much for being here.

• 1:30:03Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:30:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  So in that code, we'll give you guys a discount on your full personal blueprint. And you guys can find us at girls got to eat.com, girls got to eat podcast on Instagram and Tik Tok. I am Ash Hess, Raina is Raina Duck Greenberg. Our sex toy company vibes only, we mentioned a little bit today, that's vibes only.com. YouTube, subscribe, share with a friend and we will see you guys Thursday.

• 1:30:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Have a great week, guys.