7 Things to Tell Yourself Every Night for More Happiness and Positivity

This episode gives you a reset you can use tonight. In today’s solo episode, Mel shows you how to end your day right, with 7 simple sentences that reset your mindset and rewire your brain for a better night’s sleep and a great day tomorrow. If you’re like Mel, nights are when your anxiety shows up. Because when the world gets quiet, your thoughts get loud: The regrets. The pressure. The to-do list. The fear that you’re failing. And if you fall asleep in that headspace, of course you wake up tired. Instead, tonight, when you climb into bed, you will start to change the settings in your brain so you can rest, wake up happier, more positive, and look forward to your day. In this episode, you'll learn: -What 5 top medical and scientific researchers say to repeat when your mind won't stop racing at night -The simple 2-step protocol from Stanford researchers to change the settings in your mind -Why your brain “turns on” the second your head hits the pillow -How negative rumination becomes part of your bedtime routine (like brushing your teeth) and what to do to break the loop -A simple phrase that reduces panic, pain, and even creates better outcomes for cancer patients -How to stop treating every thought like an emergency -What to say when you’re spiraling in negative thoughts at night You deserve to have a good night’s sleep and create a good day tomorrow. These 7 sentences, along with the science so you know how to use them, helps you get the good start to tomorrow morning that you deserve. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-404/ Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 0:08Mel Robbins?

  Have you ever noticed that every night when you climb into bed and you get all comfortable, you're all excited to get in there, "Oh my God, it's time to rest." And then all of a sudden, your head hits the pillow and boom. What in the actual hell is going on in your brain? I mean, are your thoughts crazy like mine are every single night? When you lay down in bed, all the things you didn't do, all the things you're worried about, all the things on your to-do list. What the hell is going on? Well, that's what you and I are going to talk about today. And we're also going to talk about seven things that you and I can say to ourselves

• 0:51Mel Robbins?

  every single night to shut down the negativity and all that noise in your brain. Because I'm going to tell you something, you already gave everything to the world today. Yes, you did. So when you climb in bed, it is time to change the settings in your brain so you can rest, so you can wake up every morning with more positivity and more happiness. Now, here's what's going to happen. My team and I tapped into our favorite experts. We're talking world-renowned experts in the science of sleep, in neuroscience, in mindset, in psychology, and we custom-designed seven things to tell yourself every night for more

• 1:35Mel Robbins?

  positivity and happiness. Today, you and I are going to shut this crap down so you can get the rest you deserve.

• 1:50Mel Robbins?

  Before we get started, I want to invite you to stick around after this episode for a special segment sponsored by Marshalls. I'm going to share a few little things you can do, starting today, that will make tomorrow feel so much easier, calmer, and a whole lot better for you.

• 2:12Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel. Welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Today, I'm sharing seven things you should tell yourself every single night to get a better night's sleep, to be more positive, to be happier. You are gonna love this, because here's the thing, I want you to feel happier. I want you to be more positive about your life, and that starts with the thoughts that you have every single night. And I'm so inspired to share this with you, because I'm seeing the impact that these seven things are having in my personal life. I'm also reading all the emails that you send in to melrobbins.com,

• 2:53Mel Robbins?

  into our inbox. I read the responses to the newsletter that more than 2 million of you are subscribed to. And by the way, you can subscribe to that at melrobbins.com/newsletter for free. And so I know there's a lot of really big things on your mind. There are a lot of things that are worrying you, that are keeping you up at night. And so, if you're noticing that, God, I'm more critical of myself. Boy, it's hard to turn off the rumination. Hey, I'm really worrying a lot for a person who always seems to figure it out. Or maybe you've got a lot of big stuff going on right now. I've got two very close friends who are dealing with medical diagnoses, Alzheimer's, stage four cancer in their parents, and

• 3:37Mel Robbins?

  it's keeping them up at night. Of course, it's keeping them up at night. You're not alone. And our conversation today is for you, and it's for the people in your life who are also having trouble with negative thoughts at night. So first, here's what I want you to do. I want you to just imagine as you are listening to me. Maybe you're on a walk right now. Maybe you're driving in your car. Maybe you're at a job, and you got one earbud in, and you're listening to this. Or maybe you're watching on YouTube. But I want you to fast forward and just imagine, imagine that you are getting into bed. You know, you've pulled into bed, and oh my gosh, you know, you're so excited. You're like,

• 4:21Mel Robbins?

  oh, my God, I'm so grateful, so grateful I'm gonna be in my bed. And maybe, like me, you love these mists.

• 4:30Mel Robbins?

  I always steal these from the hotels. You know, they're in your room, but you know, I take it anyway. As if this magical mist is gonna somehow make you nod off to sleep. It's gonna be amazing. You got your eye mask on. You know, for me, I always have to take off my wedding ring. Oh geez, okay, see I've dropped it on the ground. Here we go. Oh my God. Gotta take off the wedding ring because my hands swell at night. Then I can't get my ring off, so that's something I do. And then you're like, oh gosh, this is gonna be so amazing. Get into bed. Oh my God, I'm so grateful. Aren't you so grateful as you're getting into bed? Cause this is the first time. Oh my God, that you don't have to take care of anybody.

• 5:14Mel Robbins?

  You don't have to think about anything. This is your time to rest. All day long, it's been for everybody else. Oh my God, I love my bed. I love my bed. And then I get down. Holy cow. The second your head hits the pillow. It's like the on switch goes on in your brain. And I don't know what your thoughts are like, but maybe your thoughts are crazy like my thoughts. Maybe they sound a little like this. You know, and I've really had trouble. This is what my thoughts used to sound like. You ready? My head would hit the pillow and I'd be like, laying there staring at the ceiling. Oh God.

• 5:58Mel Robbins?

  I hate my life. Hate my life. Oh my God, I hate my life. I hate my freaking husband. Oh, I hate my husband. He's not even that cute. Not that cute at all. Oh my God, I'm so hot. I gotta get a leg out. I gotta get a leg out. What is it? Oh my God. Who am I kidding? Now I'm fanning myself because I'm not even that freaking cute anymore. Oh my God, I'm so fat and ugly and creepy and disgusting. And I'm always so hot all the time. I don't even wanna sleep with myself. Oh my God. Why can't my life be like Nicole's life? Oh my gosh, that, her life is so perfect.

• 6:41Mel Robbins?

  I mean, her kids like her and she has a great marriage and they have plenty of money and they're always going on vacations. Why can't my life be like Nicole's life? The only thing I like about my life is my dog. Because my dog doesn't want anything from me. Oh my God. And look, I can joke about this because it's the middle of the day and I'm talking to you during a podcast right now. But the fact is, when I'm having those thoughts, those thoughts are really heavy. And they weigh you down. You know that term bed rot?

• 7:22Mel Robbins?

  It's almost like your thoughts are the things that are rotting you and pinning you there. It's this sensation like you're marching in place, but the drumbeat is constant negativity. And here's what you and I are going to talk about today. Allowing those negative thoughts, the worries about work, the apology you need to make, the stress in your life, the things that you're terrified of, scanning your day for all the things that you didn't do, beating yourself up, rewriting that text in your mind, thinking about the breakup, thinking about all the worst-case scenarios. This is something you've gotten used to. This

• 8:06Mel Robbins?

  has now become part of your bedtime routine, just like brushing your teeth, just like putting on your pajamas, just like crawling into bed or pulling the shades are part of your bedtime routine. You and I can get ourselves to a point where allowing those negative thoughts to just run on a loop, which happened to me for decades, is part of the routine. Here's the good news. There is so much extraordinary research that once you wake up and realize, wait a minute, I don't want these kind of thoughts to be part of my bedtime routine. Like, I'm good with brushing my teeth and putting on my pajamas and sticking in my retainer and putting on the mouth tape and pulling down,

• 8:50Mel Robbins?

  you know, the eye mask and taking off the ring. But why do I have to allow this spiral of negative thinking to be part of the routine? You don't. You and I have a real, practical, proven opportunity in this moment. When you get horizontal to reprogram all of the negative crap that you've been saying to yourself all day long. See, it's almost like this. Like, think about this. You've been saying this negative stuff all day long to yourself in the background. "I'm too stressed. I don't have time. I can't handle this. I have to solve this right now. This is an

• 9:34Mel Robbins?

  emergency. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God." Everything, like even doing the dishes. You're like gripping. It's never enough. I didn't do a good job. I don't have time to rest. Today's stressful, horrible. I'm going to get fired. What if this steals my job? I can't allow myself to do anything else until I solve this. This person needs me. That person needs me. I couldn't possibly do that." That's what you're thinking. And all day long, you're on the move. You're on Zoom calls. You're driving. You're walking. You're listening to other things. So you're actually moving while all of these things are chasing you in your subconscious. And what I'm here to tell you is that the reason why you and I get plagued by these negative loops is because the second you and I lay

• 10:19Mel Robbins?

  down, "Oh, my God," all those thoughts catch up with you. "Oh, my gosh, there are no distractions. There's no Zoom call. There's no music on. It's just you against you and your disgusting thoughts that you've been out running all day long, and you got nowhere to go. You're trapped. You're trapped with yourself." That's why you hear it. That's why you cycle it. And so today, we are going to break that cycle. Today, we are going to break this loop. Today, you and I are going to use some incredible science. In those moments where it's dark, there is nothing else to hear, just your voice. There is nothing else to look at, which is why you all of a sudden look in and you go, "Oh, my God, those are

• 11:04Mel Robbins?

  really negative thoughts. I'm worried about a lot. I'm projecting a lot of negativity. Ooh, I'm really beating myself up. Whoa."

• 11:13Mel Robbins?

  Well, we're going to stop doing that. Because today, we're going to use research from this incredible, incredible, incredible scientist and professor at Stanford, neuroscientist, to change the settings in your mind. And instead of laying there and becoming a victim to all of this programming that's been in there forever, you and I are going to reach out to one of my favorite human beings. Her name is Professor Aleah Crumb. She is a Stanford Associate Professor of Psychology and the Director of the Stanford Mind and Body Lab. She is renowned, Dr. Crumb is, for her groundbreaking research on the power of your mindset.

• 11:54Mel Robbins?

  And, check this out, the fact that you can change the settings in your mind, and when you do change the settings in your mind, it changes how your body responds physiologically, emotionally. This is fascinating stuff. And I gotta give Dr. Crumb a huge shout out, because when I was on tour, she came to the San Jose show, and she brought a bunch of her professor friends from Stanford who are also doing extraordinary research and have incredible books, and now they may be coming on the podcast too, and she gives the best hugs. And I'm so excited. I think she was at the show to remind me. It was almost like she was planting for planting, Mel. You know what? I bet we're going to talk about this, and sure enough, Dr. Crumb, we are.

• 12:39Mel Robbins?

  And so, I don't want to explain the process of changing the settings in your mind to you. I want you to hear from Dr. Crumb. I want you to hear exactly what she said when she was on this podcast. She gives you two steps that are proven based on the research she is doing.

• 13:05Mel Robbins?

  That help you not only interrupt these negative thoughts and these negative settings, but replace them with more positive affirming settings in your mind that will help you stop A. hating your life, B. stop beating yourself up for everything and being so hard on yourself, C. calm this noise down so you can get the rest you deserve and need. And so I want you to hear Dr. Aleah Crumb explaining on this podcast, the exact two clear things to do that allow you to change the settings in your mind. Here's what Dr. Aleah Crumb said.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  I think what I would say to the person listening or watching is to start where you are, right? To start by acknowledging the problems that you're facing. Start by acknowledging the goals that you have. And then take that next step and ask yourself, what mindset could I adopt that would help me address those problems or achieve those goals?

• 14:21Mel Robbins?

  I love this. Sounds very simple. And when Dr. Aleah Crumb says it, it sounds kind of obvious too, right? And let me just remind you, Dr. Aleah Crumb is the leading researcher on mindset and the director of the Stanford Mind and Body Lab at Stanford. Her work is published in all these peer review journals. She is the person who did that famous milkshake study. You don't even need to know what it is. But she has proven over and over again, that simply using these two steps to change the settings in your mind, change the way your body responds to absolutely everything. And so we can use this technique of acknowledging where you are.

• 15:08Mel Robbins?

  Okay, that's the first step. Start by acknowledging the problems that you're facing or the goals that you have. Okay. And then the second step is simply ask yourself, well, what is the mindset that I could adopt that would help me address those problems or achieve those goals? Right? And so you and I are going to use this research, Dr. Crumb's research with the intention of reminding you that first of all, you're capable of figuring things out in your life. You are capable of managing everything that's going on. And second, here's the goal. Getting rest. Turning off.

• 15:53Mel Robbins?

  Changing your relationship to sleeping will help your body do what it's designed to do, which is rest. Resort itself. Reset so that you can wake up refreshed and able to face the day. Isn't that cool? And so every one of the things that I'm going to tell you to try saying to yourself, to see how it feels, see how these seven things start to change the settings in your mind and help you sleep at night and help you double down on what is true. What's true is you are capable. That's what's true.

• 16:36Mel Robbins?

  And so let's start with the first thing you're going to tell yourself. Okay. Very, very simple. So let's just imagine you're already in bed. Okay. You've pulled into bed. You're like, oh, I'm so grateful if I might be down. Oh, my God, thank God. I'm in my bed. I love my bed. And you should love your bed. It should be cozy and comfy and warm. And then you climb in there and then you lay your head down. And then all of a sudden the thoughts start to ring. Oh, I gotta do this and do that and do this and you think about that. Okay, if I wake up at this time and you start doing the math. Here's the first thing you're going to tell yourself. Exhale.

• 17:14Mel Robbins?

  It's okay for me to feel overwhelmed based on everything that's going on. That's it. That's it. It's okay for me to feel overwhelmed based on everything that's going on. And because Dr. Crumb gave us the two steps for changing the settings in the mind, and the first one being acknowledge where you are. And so if where you are is it's okay to be scared based on everything that's going on, or it's okay to be exhausted by everything that's going on, or it's okay to feel checked

• 17:53Mel Robbins?

  out, or angry, or resentful, or upset, based on everything that's going on, you insert the word that acknowledges what you're feeling, right? Because those thoughts are kind of bubbling up because of all the things that you're feeling that you're not acknowledging. And the reason why I want you to start with this one is based on both Dr. Aleah Crumb's research, but we're combining it with research from another extraordinary, extraordinary expert that has appeared on this podcast. Her name is Dr. Lisa Demore. Dr. Demore has a PhD in clinical psychology. She's a three-time New York Times bestselling author.

• 18:37Mel Robbins?

  She's also a senior advisor at Case Western Reserve University Schubert Center and collaborates with UNICEF on youth and family mental health. Now, when she was on the Mel Robbins podcast, Dr. Lisa Demore was talking about the fact that being mentally well and being mentally healthy, that does not mean that you have to be happy all the time. And I asked her, okay, well, what does it mean to be mentally well, Dr. Demore? And she said something that I will never forget. It changed how I navigate those chapters in life that are extremely challenging. And here's what she actually said.

• 19:18Mel Robbins?

  She said that, you know, if you're overwhelmed when life is overwhelming, all those big feelings keeping you up at night might just be a sign that you're mentally well. If you're going through a breakup or a divorce and you're heartbroken, that doesn't mean something's wrong. Being heartbroken is a mentally well response to heartbreak. If you've lost somebody and you're grieving, grieving is a mentally healthy response to losing somebody. Feeling overwhelmed because you have too many things coming at you as you care for everybody else, feeling overwhelmed is a mentally healthy response to the state of your life.

• 20:02Mel Robbins?

  And so I asked Dr. Lisa Demore, because I want you to hear it from her on this podcast. Okay, what does it mean to be mentally well? And I want you to hear what Dr. Demore had to say.

• 20:16Speaker 02

  What it means is that the emotions you have are actually in concert with what's happening in your world. And I think that mental health is often defined by experiencing distress. And that is 180 from where the culture is right now. So often, mental health concerns and distress are treated as though they are one and the same. But I'll give you several examples. It's so easy of where the presence of distress is actually evidence of mental health, right? So if the kid gets dumped, we expect distress. The absence of it would be concerning. If a teenager has a huge test tomorrow and they have not started studying, we want to see some anxiety. The absence of anxiety is more concerning than the presence of anxiety. If someone's really mean to you, right?

• 21:01Speaker 02

  If you're a teenager or an adult and someone's really mean to you, we expect to see hurt and then probably a self-protective anger. Those are all unpleasant emotions. Those are all unwanted emotions. Those are evidence that we work exactly as we should. And so to pathologize all of that means that people are spending their normal, healthy days feeling like there's something wrong with them, when in fact, that distress is proof that they work perfectly.

• 21:30Mel Robbins?

  And don't you just love her voice? It's so soothing. Like you really believe her when she says it and you also know it's true. And that's why the first thing that you're going to say to yourself, using Dr. Crumb's research about changing the settings in your mind, and also tapping into this counsel from Dr. Lisa Demore, is you're going to say, it's okay for me to feel overwhelmed based on everything that's going on. So now you've acknowledged where you're at.

• 22:05Mel Robbins?

  And you've affirmed that feeling that way makes you okay or mentally well. And I can tell you this works because, you know, I remember when I got, you know, a mammogram and they found something in the breast scan and they didn't know what it was. And so they told me I had to come back in for another, like more high definition ultrasound because they quote, "found a few things that were concerning," which immediately sends you into panic mode, which by the way, now we know based on Dr. Lisa Demore, being a bit panicked and anxious when you're told that there's something concerning on a scan,

• 22:47Mel Robbins?

  that is an appropriate response to a scary situation. It's a sign that things in my body are working as they should because I'm now stressed out about it. And so I remember laying in bed and worrying about that, what if it's this, what if it's that, what if it's the other thing, what if I can't, what if I die in a year, what if, what if I don't get to see my children get married? And it was keeping me up at night. And then I remembered Dr. Lisa, okay, well, this is a mentally healthy response to this, but it doesn't mean something bad's gonna happen. It's okay to be scared based on what I just heard, but I don't have to lay awake all night doing all the what ifs.

• 23:31Mel Robbins?

  So here's the takeaway about what you're gonna tell yourself first. After you get in bed, you're like, oh, I'm so grateful I'm laying out. And then your mind starts spinning, you're gonna say, hey, it's okay to feel how I feel based on everything's going on. Because that way you're A, acknowledging how you feel, and B, you're reaffirming that you're having a normal response to the experiences in your life and you're mentally well because of it. Aren't you loving that? I know I'm loving this too. And I'm also thinking of like 15 people I need to send these seven things to. And so here's what I want to do. Don't go anywhere. Let's hear a word from our amazing sponsors. And while you do, be generous.

• 24:14Mel Robbins?

  Take this link, drop it in the family group chat, send it to that friend of yours that you're worried about because there's a lot going on in the world right now. And all of us, we all need these seven things you can tell yourself every single night for better night's sleep, more positivity and happiness. And don't go anywhere. Because when we come back, I'm sharing the second thing you need to tell yourself every single night. And you are going to love it. So stay with me.

• 24:54Mel Robbins?

  Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. Today, you and I are talking about seven things to tell yourself every single night that give you a better night's sleep. And they also lead to more positivity and happiness and confidence. So much good stuff. We've already covered the first thing you need to tell yourself. So let's jump into the second one, which is, I can manage this. And where does this second thing that you're going to tell yourself come from? This also is inspired by Dr. Aleah Cromer at Stanford. And I want to make sure that you hear what she shared when she was on this podcast,

• 25:31Mel Robbins?

  and why saying to yourself, I can manage this. And the power of the word manageable. She has researched the exact thing that anyone going through a cancer treatment, or if you're supporting somebody who just got a cancer diagnosis, they have researched exactly what you should say to yourself, or to someone else in that situation. Again, this is how you change the settings in your mind. Related to what you're going through. And there is very, very clear science about exactly what to say. And the words do matter.

• 26:16Mel Robbins?

  This particular phrase that you're about to hear Dr. Aleah Crumb talk about had extraordinary results, including boosting people's ability to cope, reducing physical symptoms, reducing the stress that people feel, and helping them double down on the truth, which is your body does know how to manage this. And I'm here to tell you that the reason why I want you to say every night to yourself, I can manage this, is because you've managed everything else that's ever happened in your life. That's the truth. And you need to be reminded of that truth. But I want you to hear about this extraordinary research from Dr. Aleah Crumb, related to the specific thing you should say to yourself or someone that

• 27:00Mel Robbins?

  you love, who is going through a cancer treatment. And I want you to listen all the way to the end and pay attention to the very last sentence, because you're going to hear a particular word, and this is the word that inspired us to have this be the second thing. I can manage this. Here is Dr. Aleah Crumb on the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  So this question about cancer is really important. It shouldn't be mind over matter, right? It should be mind and matter. So if you're diagnosed with cancer, you should get the best treatment for you. We have great drugs and therapies for cancer. Many of the cancers that were incurable 10, 20 years ago are curable now. And that is a beautiful thing, thanks to hardworking biologists and scientists. So we should take those, right? But what I would add is we should also think about our mindsets. So what are the mindsets we have about cancer, about what it means for our life?

• 28:05Speaker 01

  What are our mindsets about the treatment and the care we're getting? It turns out those mindsets matter, too, and they can radically shape the whole experience that someone is having when they are going through cancer. Now, I'm working with Lydia, Dr. Lydia Shapiro, Dr. Jonathan Baric, David Spiegel, Shawn Zian and others. And, you know, what we've found is that, you know, the best mindset to be in when you have cancer, first, it's not just think positive. It's not just believe you don't have cancer, believe you'll be okay. Those are actually acts of denial. The best mindset to be in when you have cancer is the mindset that this is manageable.

• 28:48Speaker 01

  Contrast that to the mindset of this is a catastrophe. It's unmanageable, right? Another mindset that we've found is very useful for people going through cancer is the mindset that their bodies are capable. Many people who are diagnosed with cancer feel like their bodies have let them down, that their bodies have turned on them or at, you know, at best are just sort of not working right now. And what we've found in a number of studies, including trials where we work to inspire people into different mindsets, is that moving to adopt the mindset that cancer is manageable, their bodies are capable,

• 29:29Speaker 01

  is profoundly transformative in shaping their whole experience. So it changes their quality of functioning in life. And it also reduces physical symptoms like nausea and fatigue and upset stomach and other things when they're going through chemotherapy. So we don't know. Right now, we're doing another trial looking at how to change these mindsets. And we're measuring people's blood samples. And we're looking at immune markers that are associated with cancer outcomes. So we don't know yet the results of those trials. But I would bet a lot of money that these mindsets don't just stay, you know, above the skin. They're getting down and they're influencing our body's response.

• 30:12Speaker 01

  I think what I would say to the person listening or watching is,

• 30:19Speaker 01

  To start where you are, right? To start by acknowledging the problems that you're facing. Start by acknowledging the goals that you have. And then take that next step and ask yourself, what mindset could I adopt that would help me address those problems or achieve those goals? So if you're a person dealing with stress, can you remind yourself that the body's stress response was not designed to kill you? And remind yourself that it's there to support you, that there's something there you care about and you can channel your efforts towards that thing.

• 31:01Speaker 01

  To the person who might be struggling with their weight, I would remind them to, sure, focus on eating nutritiously, but focus more on adopting the mindset of indulgence, eating while enjoying the pleasure of doing so. And if you're somebody who's dealing with a health diagnosis like cancer or any health diagnosis for that matter, can you know that mindset's like, this is manageable? Your body is capable? That those mindsets are well within your grasp?

• 31:41Mel Robbins?

  Isn't that fascinating? And look, you may not have something scary going on like that. Maybe you just have something really overwhelming. I mean, something that's happening for me right now is Chris and I are celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary. So we have some family members coming into town. We have a bunch of stuff that we're trying to do that weekend. And we just learned that one of our kids needs to move out of their apartment in Los Angeles that same weekend. And so that's a lot. That's a lot of logistics. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of personalities. That's a lot of coming and going. And that's also, how the heck are we going to pack somebody up halfway across the country on the same weekend that we're doing this? And so I know that you have been in those moments in your life

• 32:25Mel Robbins?

  where you're laying in bed and you've got a mental calendar and you're booking plane flights and you're trying to remember if the Tuesday is the 23rd or the 22nd and you're thinking about, did I do this and did I do that? You don't have to do that. All you have to do is say, oh, okay. It's okay to feel stressed out based on everything that's going on right now.

• 32:48Mel Robbins?

  I can manage this. I can manage this. Yes, you can. This also reminds me of what Dr. Chatterjee said when he came on the Mel Robbins podcast. Now, Dr. Chatterjee, I love this man. He is a physician. He's a bestselling author. He's best known for BBC's Doctor in the House. He's also the host of the number one health and wellbeing podcast in all of Europe. He came on this podcast and described this period of his life where he was not only a medical doctor with a huge practice and two young kids, but his father was dying and he was a caretaker and it was exhausting.

• 33:27Mel Robbins?

  And he talked about how a good night's sleep can make all the physiological difference in your body. And I want you to hear this from him because while he was on this podcast, he shared how, yes, making changes to your diet, that's good. Exercising, that's good. But changes in your sleep is way better because it helps you wake up medically as a different person. Here is Dr. Chatterjee on the Mel Robbins podcast explaining why you can manage this after a good night's sleep.

• 34:01Speaker 03

  If your diet is 85% good, moving it from 85% to 90%, whilst you're only sleeping five hours a night, ain't going to move the needle. If you can bring up your sleep from five hours to even five and a half hours, again, it's not about perfection. It's not about either eight hours or nothing. If you can actually get 20 minutes more, 30 minutes more, there will be a physiological difference in your body, Mel, the following day. And so it's important for your physical health, your mental wellbeing. Life feels different when you've had a good night's sleep.

• 34:37Mel Robbins?

  Don't you love knowing that? Like, we're not going for perfection here. If you can support yourself in falling asleep and staying asleep and even getting 30 more minutes, you will wake up a physiologically different person. And you know that you have a better day when you get a better night's sleep. This feels like a really good moment to take a rest from the conversation. I know, funny, Mel. But I also want to give you a chance to share this with somebody who you love, who deserves to have a good night's sleep, who needs to stop laying awake at night worrying about the world and everything that's going on. This episode is a gift. It's a gift that can restore their confidence,

• 35:20Mel Robbins?

  make them happier, more positive. It's a great way to support somebody when you don't quite know how. And I promise you, when they hit play, I'll be there to take care of them. All right. And don't go anywhere, because when we come back, we're talking about the next thing you need to tell yourself, and you're going to love this one most. Stay with me.

• 35:50Mel Robbins?

  Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. Thank you for being here with me and listening all the way to this point, for sharing this with your friends and the people that you care about. Aren't you loving this? I'm loving this too, because we're talking about the seven things to tell yourself every night for better sleep, more positivity, happiness. And that brings me to the next thing. Now, the third thing I want you to say yourself. I don't need to solve this right now. Nope. I don't need to solve this right now. This is inspired by Dr. Lisa Demore, again, PhD in clinical psychology, three-time New York Times bestselling author. And when Dr. Demore came on the Mel Robbins podcast, she was talking about how to help kids when they start to ruminate. And when you and I are

• 36:35Mel Robbins?

  laying down and just spinning negative thoughts, that's what you're doing. You're ruminating. And the advice sounds really good for adults, too. So here's Dr. Lisa Demore's simple advice on what to do with the spiral of negative thoughts and why it works for you to say, "I don't need to solve this right now. I need to sleep." Take a listen.

• 36:57Speaker 02

  Let's just go right down the rumination road. So what I encourage parents and also peers to do if they're caring for a teenager who is really spinning their wheels, spinning their wheels, is to say to them, listen, talking about feelings usually helps, but what I'm noticing is the more we're talking, the worse you feel. So let's do this. Let's put a pin in this. Let's make a plan to talk about it tomorrow. What time do you have? What time do I have? We'll like schedule it. We're coming back to it. But between now and then, let's just do something else. Let's go think about something else. Let's just take a mental vacation from this situation. And, and what is extraordinary is that so often when you do that, when I've met with

• 37:42Speaker 02

  that kid the next day, or talked to the person the next day, they're like, yeah, I don't know what I was so upset about. Like just the space alone, the time alone brings it down to size.

• 37:52Mel Robbins?

  She said that just kind of spinning your wheels on a thought makes it worse. And laying in bed, spinning your thoughts makes it seem worse and it also makes your sleep worse. Right? And the reason why this third thing you're going to tell yourself is, I don't need to solve this right now. I can deal with this tomorrow. Right? Is that you're teaching your brain that every thought is not an emergency. Every thought does not need to be acted on. Thoughts are just things that pop up, but it doesn't mean you have to actually do anything about it. In fact, you know, just yesterday, my husband, Chris, he was just not himself.

• 38:32Mel Robbins?

  He is normally like at the most zen energy and there was just something so just sort of intense about him. And I even turned to Oakley and I was like, does daddy seem off? He's like, yeah, man. He's like, not himself. He's like really pissed off about something. And I asked him at one point, I said, have I done something? Like, are you okay? Like, do you need to? And you know what he said to me? He said, I can't talk to you about this right now.

• 38:58Mel Robbins?

  And that immediately made me go, uh-oh, I'm in trouble. I'm in trouble. And he then jumped into leading this like online retreat that he leads called The Huddle. And I cleaned the kitchen and, you know, did the dishes and kind of fed, put the dogs away. And then I went into bed and I started to read because that's kind of one of my routines. And then I laid down and turned off the lights. And then all of a sudden, there's the hamster wheel. And I'm like, oh, my God, what is he mad about? What did I do? I don't know. I, I, I, is, did I do something wrong? Did I? And I'm, and I'm going through. And then I was like, you know what, Mel? You don't need to solve this right now. You need rest. You can talk about it in the morning.

• 39:42Mel Robbins?

  And you want to know the craziest thing? I did go into Chris's office this morning because he gets up way earlier than me. And, you know, he's writing first thing in the morning on this book he's working on. And I walk in, he's like, oh, hi, honey. And I come up behind him and I put my arms around him. I was like, so, um, you know, you seemed a little off yesterday. Is everything okay? Like, what did I, what did I do? You want to talk about? And he's like, what are you talking about? I was like, well, what do you mean? What am I talking, what did I do? Like you said, you can't talk about. He's like, well, it had nothing to do with you. It was an issue related to one of our kids that he was really upset about. And, and yet I was going to allow that to interfere with being able to get rest. Because I was going to let all, but nope.

• 40:27Mel Robbins?

  Because I have these things to say to myself. I don't need to solve this right now. And then you can remind yourself, I can manage this, right? I can manage this. You get to tell your brain what to focus on. You get to tell your brain, not now. You also get to remind yourself that after a good night's sleep, you will be a different human being and you'll be better able to manage it. Which brings me to the next thing I want you to tell you. Number four, I love this one.

• 41:00Mel Robbins?

  I did my best today. I did my best today. This is inspired from another expert that came on this podcast. His name is Jim Quick. He is the author of the bestselling book Limitless. He is renowned for his practical and proven methods that increase memory, speed of reading. And there was this thing that he said on the podcast that I come back to all the time. I love it. He said, "On those days when you only have 40% to give, and you still give 40%, you just gave 100% of what you had to give." Right? So when you say, "I did my best today," the reason why

• 41:44Mel Robbins?

  this works is because you are telling yourself the truth. You did do your best today, given everything that was coming at you, giving everything that you were managing. Only you know what's going on in your life, and you know that you gave it what you had to give. So give yourself an A, because you deserve an A. So remind yourself, "Hey, I gave it my best today. I get an A, and now I deserve to rest," right? Because you've got to learn that part of your routine is not scanning the day for what went wrong. It's actually reminding yourself that you put in everything you had to give. You get an A. Now it's time

• 42:26Mel Robbins?

  to rest. And that brings me to the fifth thing that you're going to tell yourself, and that is, "Now is my time to rest. Now is my time to rest." I love this one, because I love who this comes from. This comes from this extraordinary sleep researcher and medical doctor. Her name is Dr. Rebecca Robbins. She's an assistant professor at Harvard Medical School, and she leads the Brigham and Women's Hospital's Division of Sleep and Circadian Disorders. She also has over 100-plus peer-reviewed publications on sleep health and behavior change interventions. Now, I love her. You love Dr. Robbins when she came on the Mel

• 43:09Mel Robbins?

  ...Robbins podcast because she taught us all about sleep. Her voice is so calming. Her advice, simple, actionable. This is one of the single most replayed moments from our entire podcast. And it was this moment that I'm about to play for you where Dr. Robbins is describing how to wind down from a busy day so you can sleep. And she's about to tell you what you should do. And more importantly, what you should say to yourself. This is what she says to herself when you are going to bed. And it inspired this fifth thing you're going to tell yourself every night. So take a listen.

• 43:49Speaker 04

  I mosey into my bed. And now while I'm doing that, thoughts are flying in because of course, what I forgot to do or I need to do. And I come back to this idea of no, not now. Now is my time. I've done things for my students, my partner, my kids all day. And now is my time to restore and relax. And if anything, any thoughts are still fighting to the surface. I write those down at my nightstand. So I've done the four, seven, eight technique and then I mosey into my, my bed. I read a couple of pages in a book. I do progressive muscle relaxation. I clench and release every muscle group, starting in the, from the toes and I inhale, clench and then exhale, release.

• 44:31Mel Robbins?

  I love that. Don't you love her voice? By the way, I love her voice. And did you notice she also reiterated the thing that I taught you before, number four, which is I don't need to solve this right now. She said, not now. This is my time. I've already done everything for the students, my partner, the kids. This is my time. It's my time to restore and relax. And I want you to say that to yourself every night because it is. You gave everything to everybody else today. You were at work or at school, you were online, you ran to the grocery store, you cooked dinner, you fed the dog, you did the email, you made the call to your parents, you did everything for everybody else.

• 45:15Mel Robbins?

  You gave social media all this attention. You gave Netflix attention. You gave me attention because you listened to the podcast. Oh my God, not now. When you get in that bed and your head hits the pillow, the only person whose time it is, is yours. This may be the only time you have to yourself all day.

• 45:38Mel Robbins?

  I want you to take it for yourself. This is your time, your time to rest, your time to restore, your time for yourself. Be selfish about this because you deserve this time to yourself and your body deserves the rest. And one other thing that I wanted to point out that you may have heard Dr. Robin say is that she will write down the thing that's on her mind on a piece of paper next to her bed. This is actually an incredible piece of research and it comes from research at Baylor University that really works, which is this.

• 46:20Mel Robbins?

  They studied people that made lists at night of all the things they did right. And then they studied people who made lists of all the things that they didn't get to. So all the unfinished things that can tend to run in a circle in your mind. And here was the fascinating thing that they found. People who made lists of all the things they didn't get to on their to do list today. So it's literally like next to you at your bed. It's all the list of things that didn't get done, fell asleep faster. And they fell asleep faster, making a list of all the unfinished things that are on their mind than taking some sort of medication. Why?

• 47:00Mel Robbins?

  Because putting all that stuff on a piece of paper allows your mind to check the box and stop bringing it up to you. And so it's a super effective thing that I use all the time in those moments where I wake up or where I can't quite fall asleep. Wonderful piece of advice. Ooh, I'm ready to sleep. I'm getting tired just saying this stuff to you, but we're not done yet because we've got two more things. And the next thing you're going to say, I love this as I'm about to just start to kind of, ooh, drop into sleep. Tomorrow's going to be a good day. That's what it is. Tomorrow's going to be a good day. You know, because here's the thing, we don't know how tomorrow's going to be, do we? So if we don't know, we might as well bet on the positive instead of worrying about

• 47:44Mel Robbins?

  it, because that's what worrying is, you're betting on the negative when you worry. How about you say instead, tomorrow's going to be a good day because I'm going to make it a good day. I'm going to wake up refreshed. It's going to be a good day. See, when you go to bed stressed out, anxious, worrying, bracing, you know what your brain's doing? It's not relaxing. Your brain is probably going to be scanning for reasons why. It's almost like presetting how you're going to wake up. And so when you go to bed expecting something good, you're now telling your brain, hey, it's okay to rest. Tomorrow's gonna be a good day, right? This is my time. Don't need to solve this stuff. Tomorrow's gonna be a good day. Okay.

• 48:27Mel Robbins?

  And one of the other reasons why this is so important is because of what you said. This is manageable. I can manage this. When you say tomorrow's going to be a good day, you're also placing a bet on yourself. You're placing a bet on your ability to wake up tomorrow and to make it a good day, to have better thoughts, to be more refreshed, to make good decisions. And so you're priming yourself for waking up in a state where of course it's going to be a good day. And the person that inspired this one is Dr. Daniel Amen. Now, Dr. Daniel Amen has way more credentials than I even have time to tell you, especially since we're getting very sleepy.

• 49:10Mel Robbins?

  But he is a world renowned expert on the brain. He has brain clinics all over the world. He's got over 10 probably bestselling books. Dr. Amen starts every day by saying, today is going to be a good day. And that's also something that I have adopted since he came on the podcast and explained that that's one of his morning rituals. But now I have taken that. I'm inspired by Dr. Daniel Amen. And I also say it at night. Tomorrow's going to be a good day. Because now I am changing the settings in my mind. And I am now changing the settings in my mind to anticipate that the day's going to be good. And when you do that, I promise you,

• 49:53Mel Robbins?

  it will most likely be better than it was if you were going to be worrying about it. That's why this works. And I know as you're listening, you're probably thinking, Mel.

• 52:08Mel Robbins?

  And now you get to say the final thing, which is, I give myself permission to drift off to sleep. And this works because you are telling your body, I trust you. You have been designed to fall asleep since the beginning of time. My body knows how to do this. My body is designed to do this. My body needs for me to do this. And so I am giving my body permission to do exactly what it's designed to do. You let go of control and you hand it to your body,

• 52:52Mel Robbins?

  trusting that your body knows exactly what to do. Of course it does, because you've been sleeping your whole life. So we're taking the control out of the mind and we're giving our body permission to fall asleep. That's it. That's it. You can stop trying to fall asleep and just give your body permission to fall asleep. Just let it drift. That's it. And you know, remember, I believe Dr. Robbins also said on the Mel Robbins podcast that it takes the average person between 20 and 30 minutes to fall asleep.

• 53:37Mel Robbins?

  It takes time. And you lay down and there you are, letting go. You've given yourself permission. But then all of a sudden, it's like, but what about the thing that I need to do? But oh, and, and all of a sudden you've got the popcorn thoughts, right? That are like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. You can just go right back down through the list. Hey, it's okay for my brain to be popping off these things and to feel kind of overwhelmed because it's a lot going on. I can manage this. I don't need to solve this right now. I did my best today. I gave it my best. I get an A.

• 54:21Mel Robbins?

  And now's my time to rest. Tomorrow, tomorrow's going to be a really good day. Especially because I'm gonna get a good night's sleep. So I give myself permission to drift off to sleep. Ah, you know, if this thing keeps pop, I'm just gonna roll over and write down on the pad of paper on that to do list like Dr. Robbins talks about. And now guess what? Don't need to solve that right now because I already got an A for today, right? Now's my time to rest and I'm gonna do better if I rest and that's gonna make tomorrow a good day. I give myself permission to drift off to sleep.

• 55:06Mel Robbins?

  And in case no one else tells you today, as your friend, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And there is zero doubt in my mind that if you make these seven things part of your new bedtime routine and you have fun with them and you customize them and you really lean into changing the settings of your brain, you will have a better life

• 55:48Mel Robbins?

  because you'll be getting better sleep, you'll feel like a better version of you, you'll be happier and more positive and you'll know the truth that no matter what happens, you can manage it because you always have and you always will. Alrighty, good night. I'll see you in the very next episode when you wake up tomorrow feeling more positive and happy after a wonderful night's sleep. Before you put the cat down, I've just noticed here in our guest room, there's a big cat hairball. Can you imagine if you were in somebody's guest room and you went to pull

• 56:30Mel Robbins?

  up the beautiful fake fur thing and there's a freaking cat hairball here? Welcome to my house. Oh my God. Okay, grab me a piece of toilet paper and I'll get the...

• 56:44Mel Robbins?

  Oh my God. Yeah, it's troubling. It's a terrible. Here, your cat, Mom. Oh, my God. Okay, I'm not gonna have this on here. Oh, my God. It's like a scene from Bridesmaids.

• 57:02Mel Robbins?

  Okay, he is not allowed in this taping. Okay, that needs to go into the dumpster.

• 57:10Mel Robbins?

  Oh, my God. It's disgusting.

• 57:18Mel Robbins?

  Don't leave that at me. That's, oh, my God. Disgusting. There's more of it. Okay, this room needs to be cleaned.

• 57:26Mel Robbins?

  Great. Okay, great. Okay, good.

• 57:32Mel Robbins?

  Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

• 58:07Speaker 05

  Sirius XM Podcasts.

• 58:14Mel Robbins?

  This segment is sponsored by Marshalls. I love Marshalls so much, so I'm so excited that they are part of the Mel Robbins Podcast family. Marshalls buyers are hustling to get great deals on the good stuff. Their buyers work 24/7 so that you don't have to compromise on quality or price. You can find amazing designer clothing, shoes, or handbags that fit your style at a price that works for you. Because everyone deserves the good stuff, especially you. Right now, I'm willing to bet that you're not only really busy, but you're also doing the best that you can. And maybe you're a little bit like me. Every single night when you lay your head down on the pillow, you go, okay, tomorrow.

• 58:59Mel Robbins?

  Tomorrow, I really need to get my act together. I'm gonna wake up earlier. I'm gonna be more organized. And then what happens? Tomorrow comes. And before you even open your eyes, the day is already coming at you. Your phone is buzzing with all sorts of annoying notifications. The kitchen counter is a mess. You can't find your car keys anywhere. The day is barely started. You're already behind. How about you and I stop doing that? How about you just simply help the version of you who has to wake up tomorrow morning? In fact, you probably already do this for everyone else. If you have kids and your kids have a big day tomorrow, you help them get ready the night before, right? The backpack is out, the clothes are laid out, the permission slip is signed and sealed

• 59:42Mel Robbins?

  because you're making their mornings easier because you love them. You support them. So why not do that for yourself? Why not treat the tomorrow you like someone you care about? You deserve support too. And it's not about discipline. It's really about taking the time to think about what you need. Just lay out what you're going to need tomorrow morning, the night before. Clean up the mess before you go to bed. Not all of them, maybe just one. Put the keys and your bag where you can find them. Lay out your clothes just like you did earlier in the evening for your kids. Small, boring, achievable, but wildly effective. Because here's what happens.

• 1:00:27Mel Robbins?

  When you leave things for the morning, oh my gosh, you're already working through every decision on a tight timeline. So today, make one thing easier for yourself tomorrow. That's the takeaway. And here's why it works. When you do something tonight for the tomorrow you, it removes one tiny bit of friction between you and the person you want to be tomorrow. Let me give you some examples. If you want to be the kind of person who always takes a walk first thing in the morning. Put the shoes out tonight where you can see them, right by the door. If you want to be the kind of person who wakes up tomorrow feeling calmer, tidy up the space that you're going to wake up to. That's how a little bit of change momentum starts.

• 1:01:12Mel Robbins?

  Not by making life perfectly optimized in every possible way, but by making the right choice easier and more obvious. And this is where the good stuff really starts to begin. This is where you can feel the change happening. You deserve a morning that doesn't begin with panic. You deserve a day that doesn't start with challenges. So before you go to bed tonight, just pick one small thing and then lay it out or clear it off, place it where you can see it. And when you wake up tomorrow and see that one little thing waiting for you, I want you to notice how it feels. It feels like a gift. You're going to exhale.

• 1:01:55Mel Robbins?

  You're going to feel a little bit of relief because it's one less thing you have to remember. You already did it. That's how you build better days for yourself. And that is the good stuff. I want to thank Marshalls again for sponsoring this segment and for believing that everyone, you and me, deserves the good stuff. That means finding amazing quality at a great price. Marshalls buyers hustle for you 24/7, sourcing standout pieces and next level luxury that doesn't break the bank. Find high-end items without high-end price tags so you can look and feel your best both today and tomorrow. Marshalls, they get the deals, you get the good stuff. Shop now at marshalls.com or find a store near you.