#139 - Sarah Sherman

Sarah Sherman returns to the pod to discuss the hardest part about riding on a tour bus, her mom being proud of her when she wears a blonde wig, wanting to perform at the Gathering of the Juggalos, having a burger and martini hangover, the time she did a bizarre pumpkin patch audition, being deeply inspired by Ivan Ooze, her thinly veiled dreams, and much more. Sarah and Stav help callers including a guy who's not sure how to tell his parents he's dating an OF girl, a man who overplayed his hand after his wife cheated on him, and a man whose wife gets a twisted thrill when his ex keeps tabs on them on social media. See Sarah Sherman live and follow her on social media: https://www.sarahsquirm.com/ https://www.instagram.com/sarahsquirm/ https://twitter.com/SarahSquirm Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code STAVVY at https://mudwtr.com/STAVVY #mudwtrpod Visit https://bluechew.com/ and use promo code STAVVY to try your first month of BlueChew FREE -- just pay $5 shipping. Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Watch LET'S START A CULT on Hulu: https://www.hulu.com/movie/lets-start-a-cult-1f157c44-3840-4f01-8863-bb6afa472a0b ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:45Speaker 00

  or color changes in fingers and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-833-4-NURTC or visit Nurtac.com. All right, back to your podcast, playlist, or whatever's keeping you going today.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  At Lowe's, this Veterans Day and every day, military members, veterans, and their spouses get automatic MyLowe's Rewards Silver Status Benefits. Plus, 10% off eligible purchases with no annual limit. It's one way we honor and give back to those who have served and still do. Learn more and verify now at Lowe's.com/military. 10% discount can't be combined with another offer. Exclusions, terms, and conditions apply. Loyalty program subject to terms and conditions. Details at Lowe's.com/terms. Subject to change.

• 1:31Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome, everybody, to Stop These World 904-800-STOP. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. With us returning again, Sarah Sherman. She's low energy, folks. She's hungover.

• 1:46Speaker 03

  I'm hungover.

• 1:47Stavros Halkias?

  You had one martini?

• 1:48Speaker 03

  I had one salty, dirty martini with, like, hella olives. And then I had a burger, and now I'm like, it's salt hungover. I feel terrible. I texted you in the middle of the night, like, I can't do it.

• 2:02Speaker 03

  You know when your, like, heart is beating too fast because you have too much salt?

• 2:05Stavros Halkias?

  Who are you talking to? I've spent like a decade feeling that way.

• 2:09Speaker 03

  But what is that? Was my heart beating because of the alcohol poisoning? Or it's because it was like a full, like, cow?

• 2:14Stavros Halkias?

  Where were you? Were you anxious?

• 2:17Speaker 03

  I was in my bed, not being, tossing and turning like this.

• 2:22Stavros Halkias?

  Why were you eating burgers and martini?

• 2:24Speaker 03

  Because it's like-

• 2:25Stavros Halkias?

  What was the occasion?

• 2:26Speaker 03

  I got dinner with fucking friends, for god's sakes.

• 2:29Stavros Halkias?

  That's nice.

• 2:30Speaker 03

  Sue me.

• 2:30Stavros Halkias?

  That's nice, you shouldn't feel bad about that.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  You're literally, you're hanging me out to dry.

• 2:36Stavros Halkias?

  Holy fuck. What was that? Wrong drop.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  I liked that one.

• 2:41Stavros Halkias?

  What was the drop supposed to- Holy fuck. Oh, was that one of our alt-twisted, one of our alt-twisted tea drops? Yes, it was.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  No, not the twisted tea.

• 2:50Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, hey, hey, wait a second, don't, don't worry, there'll be more from them later.

• 2:56Speaker 03

  I think I asked for a fucking cup of water, I said, can I please have a glass of water? And he gives me this.

• 3:03Stavros Halkias?

  Blur it out, they're not a sponsor anymore, Eldis.

• 3:05Speaker 03

  What happened?

• 3:06Stavros Halkias?

  It's fine, we have no, we have no beef with them. No, they just keep, they do something very shrewd, which is even after they stop, they know podcasts are lazy and won't get waters for their guests. Maybe not podcasts, maybe, let's say, the podcast producer, that might be something he should think about.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  You've cooked me a full meal before.

• 3:26Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, I made, we made pancakes. Pancakes, protein pancakes. Protein pancakes, which we gotta get back to making, by the way. I know. I'm, I'm on my, I also feel like shit because I had a lot, I've been a very healthy boy this year. And, you know, we won't talk about, I'm Hollywood Hal, as everybody knows, I'm in another, another, uh, project, we can't disclose the information, what exactly it is, but it's cool.

• 3:49Speaker 03

  It is cool, honestly, and I never say that to you or about you.

• 3:54Stavros Halkias?

  I know, I know, you can't even hate on it, it's legitimately cool.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  No, it's cool.

• 3:57Stavros Halkias?

  But, the problem is, I've been healthy because I've, I've, my whole, I've like, even when we went on tour, we brought one of our friends to just basically like, make sure I didn't eat too many snacks, and like, I planned all this shit out, but when you go, when you act in something, they got snacks everywhere.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  And you're hungry all the time because your mind and brain wanna be amazing.

• 4:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 4:19Speaker 03

  So it's like-

• 4:20Stavros Halkias?

  And of course, and of course, I was asked to do something really hard, uh, be a fat bully. Of course, that was a really tough thing for me to do is bully the protagonist of whatever project I'm in.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  So it would be insane if you showed up a skinny legend. It would be insane.

• 4:37Stavros Halkias?

  It would be crazy.

• 4:38Speaker 03

  You would have not been doing your job. And if you're gonna do anything, you're gonna do your job.

• 4:41Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna do my job, so I had to have four Uncrustables a day. I had to have.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  I asked, I.

• 4:47Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a big Uncrustables guy for sure.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  I guessed that. I was like, let me guess, Uncrustables.

• 4:50Stavros Halkias?

  Uncrustables are so fucking good, too.

• 4:52Speaker 03

  I didn't know that was gonna be your Achilles heels. Think about it, protein.

• 4:56Stavros Halkias?

  Well, not that much, actually. Not that much.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  A little bit sweet and a little bit salty.

• 5:01Stavros Halkias?

  It's sweet and salty. And I do get the strawberry ones, cuz you know.

• 5:05Speaker 03

  Crazy.

• 5:05Stavros Halkias?

  Cuz that, I remember as a child, grape, you just always got grape. So when strawberry was available, that felt like going to France or something.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  I was never allowed to have an Uncrustable.

• 5:15Stavros Halkias?

  What about just a regular PB and J?

• 5:17Speaker 03

  Yes, I was allowed to have that. But my, my mom said that it was like, just, you're gonna make, just make a fucking sandwich. Respect.

• 5:24Stavros Halkias?

  She was against the Uncrust. I don't think we had too many Uncrustables at my house either. This is more of an adult thing. I guess just philosophically, strawberry felt like a vacation.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 5:33Stavros Halkias?

  Because grape was just what you always got.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 5:36Stavros Halkias?

  Or, and then when, you know, we were, we got Nutella before everybody else cuz my grandmother would bring it back. So that was very special. A fucking hazelnut peanut butter. Ooh.

• 5:48Speaker 03

  Did you get fluff?

• 5:49Stavros Halkias?

  We never, we weren't a fluff family. We weren't a fluff family.

• 5:51Speaker 03

  Fluff house, Nutella, chunky peanut butter.

• 5:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, and fluff.

• 5:55Speaker 03

  That's good.

• 5:56Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, marshmallow fluff, huh?

• 5:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:59Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  You know what?

• 6:01Stavros Halkias?

  What's your preferred jelly or jam or anything to this day?

• 6:04Speaker 03

  I'm gonna say something crazy. Raspberry with a little bit of seed crunch.

• 6:07Stavros Halkias?

  I like that. I don't hate that. I like that a lot.

• 6:10Speaker 03

  Also, I don't think I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for real, for like, I think, ten years. And then I had one recently and I was like, damn.

• 6:18Stavros Halkias?

  It's good.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  It's crazy when the jelly's cold.

• 6:20Stavros Halkias?

  Listen, grilled cheese PB and J.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 6:23Stavros Halkias?

  They're ki- they're the king.

• 6:23Speaker 03

  I thought you meant a grilled cheese PB and J.

• 6:25Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no. I just mean the simple sandwiches, they're kings for a reason. You really can't be, they might be the best sandwiches.

• 6:32Speaker 03

  Can I say something crazy?

• 6:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  Growing up crazy Jewish, for some reason, toast with butter was never in the conversation. Because I think it was just like breakfast, bagel, lunch.

• 6:44Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 6:45Speaker 03

  Dinner, food with bagel on the side.

• 6:47Stavros Halkias?

  And you grew up on Long Island, so they're good bagels.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, and so it was never.

• 6:50Stavros Halkias?

  We were a Lenders family. We didn't know the frozen ones. That's what I thought was a bagel.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  You don't even know that word meant nothing to me. You see that? It meant nothing.

• 6:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a look of complete blank.

• 7:01Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 7:02Stavros Halkias?

  You have not even heard of it.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  I went back to being hungover.

• 7:04Stavros Halkias?

  You fucked around with lenders, didn't you, Aldous?

• 7:07Speaker 04

  Uh, we fucked around with, uh, the package that I don't know if it was like lenders specifically. Like, I don't really recognize this package.

• 7:13Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's that. They've updated their packaging. Look up lenders vintage.

• 7:17Speaker 03

  Damn.

• 7:18Stavros Halkias?

  Lenders bagels nineteen ninety.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  But they don't get crunchy. They're soft all of, oh, that's beautiful.

• 7:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they don't get crunchy. They, I mean, that that's a big problem.

• 7:27Speaker 03

  Those glass cups have crazy lead poisoning. You know those, that type? Hmm. Help me. I'm helping.

• 7:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I do remember those, like, the McDonald's cups had that, right?

• 7:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, the McDonald's cups. The, um, but.

• 7:41Stavros Halkias?

  I have a Porky the Pig one. Yes, go ahead. Bagels, toast. You, you weren't allowed to have toast.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  So then, when I started dating my goy boyfriend and we moved in together, he's making toast with butter all the time.

• 7:51Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 7:51Speaker 03

  Crazy amazing.

• 7:53Stavros Halkias?

  But a bagel is essentially fucking toast.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  Dude, no.

• 7:58Stavros Halkias?

  It's the same. It scratches the same itch. You think because they're more, it's more brittle? You think it's more brittle? That's the thing with toast?

• 8:05Speaker 03

  But it's a flavor, like toast flavor is even different than bagel flavor.

• 8:09Stavros Halkias?

  I don't, I think you're out of your mind on this one.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  Bagels got like egg, glazed kinda, it's like, you know what I'm saying?

• 8:15Speaker 04

  I'm kinda with you, Sarah. We always used to do, you know, when my mom was like feeling lazy to make dinner, we'd always joke around. She'd be like.

• 8:23Stavros Halkias?

  How dare she, working all day?

• 8:24Speaker 04

  I'm like, I'd be like.

• 8:25Stavros Halkias?

  The fattest son imaginable. Having to feed a fucking son that eats more than, we were both obese children and you ate more than like four adult men. Having to feed you after working all day.

• 8:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:37Stavros Halkias?

  And your sister, anyway.

• 8:38Speaker 04

  But she would always, she would always do what we would call it like surprise. When I'd ask what for dinner, she's like, surprise, it'd be like bread and butter with like feta cheese and like some salami on the side.

• 8:49Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, yes, dude.

• 8:50Speaker 04

  That does hit and like.

• 8:52Stavros Halkias?

  That sounds awesome.

• 8:53Speaker 04

  I'm with you, Sarah, like, yeah, like getting a piece of like Italian bread cut from the loaf or something with like some soft butter on it. That's a completely different experience. And like a thick.

• 9:03Stavros Halkias?

  It is not a completely different experience.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  Dense bagel like.

• 9:07Speaker 03

  It's literally like a different cuisine from a different country.

• 9:09Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're out, you're, okay, you've both taken it way too far. I will give you that if you get a slender piece of toast, that's very toasted and almost brittle. And then you, you smear the butter into it where it's almost like, the ratio is almost like, even butter to like bread because the bread is so thin.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  With a bagel.

• 9:29Stavros Halkias?

  Then that I'll give you, that is a different experience, fine.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  But the flavor is different.

• 9:33Stavros Halkias?

  Just because it's charred.

• 9:35Speaker 03

  No, it's like, I, bread is a different flavor than.

• 9:40Stavros Halkias?

  Than bagel? Bread is different than bagel? Are you, how do you stand on this, Eldis?

• 9:45Speaker 04

  I'm with her.

• 9:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 9:48Speaker 04

  When I'm talking about surprise too, I'm honestly not even thinking about like toast really, I'm thinking about like fluffy Italian bread from like.

• 9:55Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you've added a whole other fucking element to this conversation.

• 9:59Speaker 04

  But, but that's the thing.

• 10:00Stavros Halkias?

  Which I love too.

• 10:01Speaker 04

  Toast, untoasted bread, bagel, they're completely different beasts.

• 10:06Stavros Halkias?

  A toasted bagel, okay.

• 10:08Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 10:09Stavros Halkias?

  Toasted bagel is very similar to toasted bread.

• 10:12Speaker 03

  No, because your tongue, it, it, your tongue is touching the egg coating on the outside of a bagel when you eat toast. Your tongue is touching this like raw bread.

• 10:24Stavros Halkias?

  You can toast that out of it, you can toast that out of it, you can heat it out. Now, I'm willing to give you, Eldis, one of the best things of all time. You want to talk about being a fat little pig and I would ruin loaves of bread by just going inside and just taking the soft part. And just being like.

• 10:43Stavros Halkias?

  And smearing butter on that shit now, now we're, now that's a fucking delight. Just, just gra, just gutting a fucking, gutting a fucking thing of sourdough and just.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  I would say I don't even know what untoasted bread tastes like.

• 10:58Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 10:59Speaker 03

  I don't even think I would put that even close to my lips.

• 11:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's great, no, a nice Italian baguette, or I'm sorry, Italian, or a French baguette and Italian, you know.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  You know what, I'm hungover, I take that back.

• 11:09Stavros Halkias?

  You're moving slow, that's all right. Well, that's beautiful though, that you two of you, would you say two of your favorite cuisines are bagel and toast?

• 11:15Speaker 03

  I would say bagel and toast, but can't do dairy, so the butter we're talking about, I mean, it's pathetic. I mean, that's why, so I texted Stop, I was in a blind panic. First of all, he lives so far, I have to take the. I I I'm gonna say the address right now.

• 11:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:30Speaker 03

  You get in the car, you're in the car for an hour and a half.

• 11:36Stavros Halkias?

  You're on. Of course.

• 11:38Speaker 03

  And so I'm like, gotta bring a protein bar in the car. I'm not gonna make this hour long drive. Whatever, fucking celebrity lifestyle to fucking Uber here, suck my dick.

• 11:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's fucking right.

• 11:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  I put, I put this protein bar in my mouth. I was so excited about this new protein bar. I put it in my mouth. I said, this tastes too fucking good. This tastes good. There's something wrong. This tastes too fucking good. Flip it over. Contains milk.

• 12:00Stavros Halkias?

  Contains milk.

• 12:01Speaker 03

  Immediately texted him, get the Pepto ready on deck as soon as I walked in.

• 12:05Stavros Halkias?

  And I had, I greeted you with some Pepto.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  It was amazing. That's a friend.

• 12:09Stavros Halkias?

  That is a friend.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  That is a fucking friend.

• 12:10Stavros Halkias?

  Well, we went through some fucking Pepto. I mean, on the tour, I feel like.

• 12:15Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 12:16Stavros Halkias?

  I feel like Pepto sort of kept it all together. That was, if we, if you eliminated one thing from the tour and everything would come crashing down, it was Pepto. Cause we couldn't shit on the bus, so there was a lot of.

• 12:28Speaker 03

  Wait, why?

• 12:29Stavros Halkias?

  You can't shit on the bus.

• 12:30Speaker 03

  Just mental?

• 12:31Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, not mental at all. It just smells like shit then if you shit on the bus.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  Well, Eric Andre, if you remember when we were on tour together, I stunk that place.

• 12:39Stavros Halkias?

  You shit on the bus?

• 12:40Speaker 03

  There's.

• 12:41Stavros Halkias?

  Are you kidding me?

• 12:42Speaker 03

  No. If I have to shit.

• 12:46Stavros Halkias?

  You tell the guy to pull over. You tell the guy to pull over.

• 12:49Speaker 03

  At four in the morning?

• 12:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Shit in a Bunky, in a Buc-E's.

• 12:55Stavros Halkias?

  We shit in a couple Pilot J, Flying Jays. We went to Buc-E's and shit too.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  What are the nuts? The little, little.

• 13:01Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, those are good as fuck.

• 13:03Speaker 03

  See, I don't think I can have that either, right? Isn't that, that's gotta be.

• 13:07Stavros Halkias?

  So you have milk. How quickly are you shitting after you have milk?

• 13:10Speaker 03

  Um, well, I got, so I had a bite of this protein bar, a little bite, and I haven't shit yet.

• 13:16Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 13:18Speaker 03

  Can you put in the X-Files theme song?

• 13:22Stavros Halkias?

  Ba-woe-woe-woe-woe-woe.

• 13:27Speaker 03

  Why haven't I shit yet some?

• 13:29Stavros Halkias?

  Something, something's not right.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  I think my stomach is coated from the poison from last night.

• 13:34Stavros Halkias?

  From the one martini you had? Was it nice to, was it nice to catch up with old pals and eat a burger?

• 13:40Speaker 03

  It was, but the thing like, so I drink a martini blackout immediately. And then I just do that thing where I, you just like, you can't stop, you're like, ah, I'm blackout, so I need to eat like a bunch of red meat.

• 13:50Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure, sure.

• 13:52Speaker 03

  I mean burgers and risotto?

• 13:54Stavros Halkias?

  Burgers and risotto?

• 13:55Speaker 03

  But that's just like the thing that keeps you up all night, going, ah.

• 13:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  But it was vegan risotto allegedly, have you ever heard of that?

• 14:02Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds bad. But a burger with a vegan side dish, what's the point?

• 14:07Speaker 03

  Cause it's no dairy, girl, I mean, I'm not, I'm-

• 14:09Stavros Halkias?

  What about fries?

• 14:10Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 14:11Stavros Halkias?

  Burger and fries? You had burger and fries, okay, so you just, you didn't even list the fry, you just, like, the way you wouldn't say it had lettuce on it. It also had fries.

• 14:22Speaker 03

  Fucking lettuce, it had pickled fucking onion, heirloom tomato.

• 14:26Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds good to me. Damn, I would go for a nice little burg.

• 14:29Speaker 03

  What did I say when I walked in here? I'm hungry.

• 14:32Stavros Halkias?

  We could get something, we could order a little something on the way, on the back end of this.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  What's your guys' tour, cause here, what the civilian listeners at home might not realize, what touring does to your health.

• 14:43Stavros Halkias?

  And we are basically the armed forces.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  Oh, period.

• 14:47Stavros Halkias?

  We are basically the, we, they are civilians, that is a, absolutely how you should refer to them, and we are basically the troops.

• 14:55Speaker 03

  Ten hut, drop, drop and give me twenty euros, stop. It's like racist.

• 15:01Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know what I've been told. I got nothing for the back end.

• 15:05Speaker 04

  The civilians who can't fathom having to shit on the vehicle.

• 15:10Stavros Halkias?

  No, not shit, oh yeah, that's right, you shit on the, let's get back to that. You dropped a deuce on the fucking bus?

• 15:16Speaker 03

  If I have to shit, it's an emergency, it's happening right now.

• 15:20Stavros Halkias?

  Did you bag it? Did you bag it up, or no, you went right to, you went, you're supposed to bag it, you're supposed to shit in the bag.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  I don't remember this. What?

• 15:29Stavros Halkias?

  You're supposed to shit on the bag and throw it out the window.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  Wait, oh, I don't remember.

• 15:37Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds like you didn't do that. No chance you did that. So you shit on a bus with Eric, right? And was he mad when you woke up in the morning?

• 15:44Speaker 03

  No, but that was just like the, I mean like.

• 15:46Stavros Halkias?

  I guess that's true. Of all the people that aren't gonna be mad at you, Eric might have just shit in the fucking bus.

• 15:52Speaker 03

  I think he was on the other end of the toilet with his mouth wide open.

• 15:57Speaker 03

  No, but now something is coming. So this is another thing I'm worried that I have full dementia, of course. Cause I'm like, yeah, that is coming, of course, from all the, um, cause I, I have a new invention.

• 16:08Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah?

• 16:08Speaker 03

  That, um, because of all the, um, sugar I've been eating and the sleep aids that I've been eating, I invented that now I have dementia. So, um, that's good and that, that'll keep me up at night.

• 16:19Stavros Halkias?

  What, sleep aids? You're not even taking anything good.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  Melatonin, but that.

• 16:25Stavros Halkias?

  You're so fucking pathetic. You're like, I had one martini and I'm taking melatonin and my body and brain are ruined.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  Had one bite of a granola bar.

• 16:36Speaker 03

  But now that you're saying that something is coming to, coming to mind, yes, yes, it's coming to my mind.

• 16:42Stavros Halkias?

  Something's coming back to you?

• 16:43Speaker 03

  Something's coming back to me. Yes, I have an image. Yes, I see, I see Eric's tour manager saying, no shitting on the bus.

• 16:52Speaker 03

  I definitely did it. There's like no way that I didn't.

• 16:55Stavros Halkias?

  You, so you're not even sure if you shit on the bus or not? Is that what you're saying?

• 16:59Speaker 03

  There's no way that I didn't.

• 17:03Stavros Halkias?

  How long were you on the bus?

• 17:05Speaker 03

  Like three weeks.

• 17:06Stavros Halkias?

  We never, we were on it for three months. We didn't shit on it.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  Three months?

• 17:11Stavros Halkias?

  Now, again, we took a lot of Pepto. There was a lot of days and there were some days where it was very close.

• 17:15Speaker 03

  When you get the hard Pepto Black shit coming out of your ass.

• 17:19Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  They don't tell you about that in school.

• 17:21Stavros Halkias?

  We were shitting coal. We were shitting hard, we were shi- we were shitting charcoal briquettes out of our asses. I never took Pepto for the. You never took Pepto the whole tour?

• 17:32Speaker 03

  Brag.

• 17:32Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. I don't, I don't wanna use performance enhancers, dude. Elvis won't take dick pills, he won't take Pepto. I respect that, man, I really do. Couldn't be me. I live in, I'm a man of science. I haven't had Pepto since I was like eight years old or something. I didn't, my mom never let me take Pepto when I was a kid.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  Cause just run through?

• 17:52Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know why, she just didn't trust it. And then, as an adult discovering it, I'm like, this would have solved all my problems.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 17:59Stavros Halkias?

  This would have solved all my issues as a fat child.

• 18:02Speaker 03

  And it's the most gorgeous color in the world.

• 18:04Stavros Halkias?

  It looks delicious. I mean, I wa- I think part of the problem is the first time I asked for it is because I was, again, just fat as shit and it looked tasty.

• 18:12Speaker 03

  Right.

• 18:12Stavros Halkias?

  It looked like a fucking delicious milk, strawberry milkshake.

• 18:16Speaker 03

  It's fashion. You were a little, you were a little fashion boy.

• 18:19Stavros Halkias?

  I was, I was. And I don't know, if you have, I used to get strep throat a lot, so I would take amoxicillin, the antibiotic. That used to come in a pink, in a pink kind of syrup situation, and it tasted good as fuck. This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stobby Baby Enterprises, we love it. We just got a new assistant, she loves it, she's taking all our sushi orders, they're going through the Visible network, brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stobies World Hotline,

• 19:01Stavros Halkias?

  as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month, or get the premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STOVE. Terms apply.

• 19:21Speaker 00

  This podcast is supported by Nurtac ODT, Remedy Pant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time, and throws everything off. So, when migraine takes your time, take Nurtac. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults. Nurtac can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nurtac is right for you, because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nurtac ODT. Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or throat. High blood pressure and Raynaud's syndrome can occur.

• 20:02Speaker 00

  Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain, or color changes in fingers and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-833-4-NUR-TAC or visit Nurtac.com. All right, back to your podcast, playlist, or whatever's keeping you going today.

• 20:21Stavros Halkias?

  Dimetap as well? I liked a lot of med- a lot of medicines tasted really good. I'll just, I'll just Googling amoxicillin. What did you hope to achieve by that?

• 20:30Speaker 04

  I just wanted to see what we were working with.

• 20:32Speaker 03

  The syringe, that's what came to mind, yes.

• 20:34Stavros Halkias?

  That?

• 20:34Speaker 03

  For the child. The syringe for the child.

• 20:37Speaker 04

  Does this shit taste like Pepto? I always thought Pepto was like so gross when I, whenever I had a fucking take.

• 20:42Stavros Halkias?

  No, this tastes like bubble gum like.

• 20:44Speaker 03

  The, um, I, but I was, listen, I was saying, guys, seriously, let's keep on track.

• 20:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry.

• 20:51Speaker 03

  It's really impressive.

• 20:52Stavros Halkias?

  What did you want to keep on track?

• 20:53Speaker 03

  Well, I just wanted to say why I said civilian.

• 20:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes, right, right, of course.

• 20:57Speaker 03

  I really do think it cannot be understated the toll of tour life on the bowels.

• 21:05Stavros Halkias?

  The bowels are tough, yeah.

• 21:06Speaker 03

  And like, tour life is different than regular, I'm in a car lifestyle.

• 21:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, that's true.

• 21:11Speaker 03

  Tour lifestyle is way different. I mean, you tour smart because you're fucking famous billionaires.

• 21:18Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm at the airport, flights take six hours, I have a show in Cleveland tonight.

• 21:22Stavros Halkias?

  It's pathetic what, how show business, you could be on SNL and fucking renting a fucking Kia Sorento and just being on a podcast.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  I'm literally doing that. I have a show in Western Massachusetts, I'm like, I don't like that.

• 21:35Stavros Halkias?

  Thank the Lord for the way society has deteriorated, where somehow podcasts have become the only successful, uh, form of entertainment.

• 21:43Speaker 03

  And it's like, no disrespect, I'm like, what am I doing on a fucking podcast right now? I should be in Brad Pitt's house.

• 21:53Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 21:54Speaker 03

  Nude modeling for a, for an artist.

• 21:57Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  I should be on the cover of, you know, couldn't think of a fashion magazine off the top of my head. Vogue came to me, thank you.

• 22:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, yep, yep, Juggalos monthly.

• 22:08Speaker 03

  Maybe I'm not allowed to say this on the podcast.

• 22:10Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 22:11Speaker 03

  I have been for the past, I'm gonna say eight years of my life, begging to do the gathering.

• 22:18Stavros Halkias?

  The gathering?

• 22:19Speaker 03

  Begging. I have Colt Cabana, shout out, amazing wrestler. Colt, get me into the gathering.

• 22:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Tila Tequila, you like a lot of her politics.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  Good girl, I'm loving her. I met Upchuck the Clown, who is their MC.

• 22:34Stavros Halkias?

  That's huge.

• 22:35Speaker 03

  And by the way, he was-

• 22:36Stavros Halkias?

  So you're making a lot of headway in the clown world.

• 22:38Speaker 03

  Obviously, obviously. Begged, I met him, I met him in plain clothes, by the way. He's amazing.

• 22:46Stavros Halkias?

  He's really kinda phoning it in with his fucking face paint.

• 22:49Speaker 03

  He is, he's the goat. You fucking watch your mouth and have some fucking goddamn respect for Upchuck. I met him when he was in plain clothes.

• 22:56Stavros Halkias?

  I apologize.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  I said, "Please, please get me in the gathering." He's like, "I'll do my best, I'll do my best." This fucking year.

• 23:02Stavros Halkias?

  You think it's happening?

• 23:02Speaker 03

  They finally were like, "Yo,

• 23:06Speaker 03

  we'll allow it."

• 23:07Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 23:08Speaker 03

  Can't even do it.

• 23:09Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 23:09Speaker 03

  Eight fucking years begging.

• 23:11Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 23:12Speaker 03

  Can't even do it.

• 23:12Stavros Halkias?

  You don't get to get booed offstage?

• 23:14Speaker 03

  No, I know! Get the, get the new COVID, COVID 20.

• 23:18Stavros Halkias?

  No one does well on that.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  No, of course not!

• 23:21Stavros Halkias?

  You would've been pelted by rocks.

• 23:22Speaker 03

  Why do you, are you, are you a comedian because you've always wanted to be surrounded by love, light, support, and respect? Or are you a comedian because you like to emotionally cut?

• 23:33Stavros Halkias?

  Did I want, do I want fucking, uh, white trash to throw bottles of piss at me? No, not really. Which is probably what would've happened to you at the gathering.

• 23:41Speaker 03

  You have no-

• 23:42Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, "Um, can somebody check my fucking, my projector's not working? My fucking slideshow of diarrhea's not working."

• 23:50Speaker 03

  It got Faygoed. It got full Faygoed.

• 23:52Stavros Halkias?

  Somebody poured blueberry raspberry Faygo. Blue raspberry Faygo all over it.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  I'm so beside myself.

• 23:58Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sorry.

• 23:59Speaker 03

  Guar is doing it!

• 24:00Stavros Halkias?

  I am sorry for you.

• 24:01Speaker 03

  Guar, it could've been me and fucking Guar in the goddamn tent.

• 24:04Stavros Halkias?

  You are meant to do that, I'm sorry.

• 24:06Speaker 03

  I'm actually wearing my Guar shirt right now.

• 24:08Stavros Halkias?

  What are you, what are they doing? Are they, is, you can't be there because SNL's putting a blonde wig on you and putting a cardigan on you? So you look like, so you look like somebody in HR?

• 24:16Speaker 03

  You love when I'm blonde. You love when I'm blonde, wearing a little shirt.

• 24:20Stavros Halkias?

  Every time you post and you look like a regular person, I'm like, "Great look, you should think about this."

• 24:25Speaker 03

  Stay, stay like this. My mom, did I ever tell you what my mom does? My mom, when the show is live, she takes a picture of her TV set. So she can post on Instagram to her friends, like, this is her. I know you can't tell which one's her, but this is her.

• 24:39Stavros Halkias?

  She uses all those photos and fuck it, in your like, I guess not Christmas card, but you know.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  Think of what our Christmas would be. Think about it. Yeah.

• 24:50Stavros Halkias?

  But isn't it not, isn't it not that important a holiday?

• 24:52Speaker 03

  But it's same time.

• 24:54Stavros Halkias?

  Same time. So in your Hanukkah card.

• 24:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:56Stavros Halkias?

  She uses, she uses you from a sketch.

• 24:58Speaker 03

  You go to my mom's Instagram and look at her highlights reels. You have a look at what's going on there. It's a collage of some of the most beautiful women you've ever seen in your TV.

• 25:07Stavros Halkias?

  It's you being the straight man in a sketch?

• 25:10Speaker 03

  It's so, it has made me wonder if I should look different.

• 25:18Speaker 03

  It has. I got a lot of positive attention. Never gotten in my life.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  I did not know I was stunning.

• 25:28Stavros Halkias?

  Let's not get, let's not get carried away.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  Have you seen me as Marilyn Monroe? Look up SNL YouTube elevator sketch. I don't know if I have a line. I'm definitely in it. I'm gonna say two seconds. I'm, when I'm Marilyn Monroe in it.

• 25:43Stavros Halkias?

  You don't exactly pop up in any of them.

• 25:46Speaker 03

  Oh no, it's the first one. Stuck in the elevator, scroll, scroll. I'm Marilyn Monroe at some point.

• 25:53Stavros Halkias?

  Thirty chairs.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  It's, you've never seen a more beautiful Jewish girl in your life.

• 25:58Stavros Halkias?

  I think I probably have.

• 25:59Speaker 03

  You've never, not even on whatever porn tube you watch.

• 26:04Stavros Halkias?

  Keep going, Aldous, keep going.

• 26:06Speaker 03

  Keep going.

• 26:07Stavros Halkias?

  So it's not in the first two minutes.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  Hi, Bowen, hi, I am, hi, Andrew, hi, Keenan, keep going.

• 26:12Stavros Halkias?

  Doesn't really seem like you're in this.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  Well, no, that's not.

• 26:17Stavros Halkias?

  Go back, go back.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  Play, play. I, and I couldn't tell you how beautiful I felt.

• 26:22Stavros Halkias?

  And for the folks at home, this is minute two. On the right, is that you? Oh yeah, I mean, yeah.

• 26:28Speaker 03

  And that's the.

• 26:29Stavros Halkias?

  You're right, you're right.

• 26:30Speaker 03

  Marilyn Monroe.

• 26:30Stavros Halkias?

  You actually look like a hot woman there.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  No, it's insane. And it's, it's the, how, how many seconds would you say that is?

• 26:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's about four seconds.

• 26:38Speaker 03

  Last, last.

• 26:39Stavros Halkias?

  Is that the highlight of your life? Okay, one Mississippi, two Mississippi.

• 26:43Speaker 03

  It's the, it's the Marilyn Monroe, diamonds are a girl's best friend, pink dress, pink clothes. And diamond choker, and then the white platinum blonde wig. Put it on, I'm going like.

• 26:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  And I need to be living my life completely.

• 26:58Stavros Halkias?

  You could just switch up so fast.

• 27:00Speaker 03

  But then it wouldn't be fun anymore. I think, I think it's fun because it's drag. Like, I get how the queens feel when they're like.

• 27:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it actually does count as drag when you do it.

• 27:10Speaker 03

  Totally. Totally queer ally, thank you.

• 27:13Stavros Halkias?

  What do you think your life would be like if you just started, if you dyed your hair blonde and started dressing like that?

• 27:20Speaker 03

  I would literally be, I would never talk to you again. I would never talk to you again. Billionaire. Private plane, private jet, private bus.

• 27:30Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  Would never, wouldn't even have a butthole.

• 27:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yo.

• 27:34Speaker 03

  I get that.

• 27:34Stavros Halkias?

  So that shut.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  So that shut.

• 27:36Stavros Halkias?

  No shitting anymore.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  No. Pepto who? Wouldn't even know what that is.

• 27:41Stavros Halkias?

  You think that, what if that was, what if you started dressing like that and all your gastrointestinal problems were solved?

• 27:46Speaker 03

  If I was just blonde?

• 27:47Stavros Halkias?

  If you're just, yeah, if you're just like.

• 27:49Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. What if I have?

• 27:49Stavros Halkias?

  Had a regular haircut?

• 27:51Speaker 03

  What if I have stomach problems because of my, I'm like refusing like my unconscious desires to be beautiful?

• 27:58Stavros Halkias?

  That's very interesting. Your body's begging you.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  Because your unconscious is in your gut.

• 28:03Stavros Halkias?

  Stop wearing clothes that a, that a circus threw away. Stop, stop getting your pants, stop getting your pants.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  Where do you think these pants are from?

• 28:13Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know.

• 28:14Speaker 03

  Where do you think they're from?

• 28:14Stavros Halkias?

  Literally a clown supply store?

• 28:17Speaker 03

  On eBay, yes.

• 28:20Speaker 03

  I'll just go eBay. eBay clown pants. See what comes up the first thing that comes up. Okay.

• 28:30Stavros Halkias?

  Shop, go to shopping.

• 28:31Speaker 03

  Go, or images.

• 28:33Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 28:34Speaker 03

  No, it's just the pants. You just have to look up just the pants.

• 28:38Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 28:39Speaker 03

  Okay, that's men's.

• 28:40Stavros Halkias?

  I think you literally have that. I think you literally have that dress.

• 28:44Speaker 03

  I don't, but Ashley, fuck you. There they are, there they are!

• 28:49Stavros Halkias?

  You literally have those.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Adults pantomime long bloomers clown pants circus. Yeah.

• 28:53Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome. Would you be mad if, if like, if there was a comedian started dressing like a clown? Would you be like, she's jocking my shit?

• 29:00Speaker 03

  They all, the clowns. They all do. I mean, it's like, I stole it from clowns.

• 29:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but like if a comedian, you know, was doing it.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  The comedian clowns are comedian stuff.

• 29:13Stavros Halkias?

  I guess, you know what I'm saying.

• 29:15Speaker 03

  I am, no, I do like when people dress crazy. Give me something to look at.

• 29:20Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 29:20Speaker 03

  Like you're wearing a crazy shirt. I looked at your shirt when I walked in.

• 29:23Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking tight eye shirt, it's not that crazy.

• 29:25Speaker 03

  It's crazy, it's with the colors on it. There's a guy in a car that's an apple. It's crazy. You look insane.

• 29:31Stavros Halkias?

  Would you really say I look insane right now?

• 29:35Speaker 03

  My eyes can't even comprehend what I'm looking at. Well, you have one, you are one of the most stylish men in America.

• 29:43Speaker 03

  Your look is fabulous. And I told you this, I didn't want you to get the tooth.

• 29:47Stavros Halkias?

  And you're right about that. And I do regret having a tooth.

• 29:50Speaker 03

  Can you imagine being the fat bully in the movie No Tooth? Fucking what's up?

• 29:55Stavros Halkias?

  It's so fucked up. I never got to be in anything without my tooth. Like, nothing.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  Not even your movie?

• 30:01Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I I made it to the finals of a commercial for a carnival ride operator. And I was like, I'm fucking toothless. How am I not getting this? And some fucking gay guy with a ponytail got it. Pissed me off. He was elegant. I'll give him that. But I was like, this guy's too fucking.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  So you weren't what they wanted.

• 30:19Stavros Halkias?

  I was, you're right. But it's like, come on, you guys want some sexy gay guy with long hair? Or you want fucking a toothless guy? To be to pull the lever and be like, whoa. Progressive insurance or whatever the fuck it was for. I don't, I never found out.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  From the roller coaster and fucking rains down on you.

• 30:35Stavros Halkias?

  But that was.

• 30:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's true. We should go back in time seven years or whenever it was and see if we can get that.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  I had, did you, was there a time when you were doing like commercial auditions and stuff like that? Like.

• 30:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I never got anything.

• 30:49Speaker 03

  But I've never gotten anything from an audition. And when I was living in Chicago, okay, now my dementia is fading.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  Oh, yes, I see an audition. I was in Chicago. And you know, you're just like, you just like audition for crap.

• 31:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 31:05Speaker 03

  For money or whatever.

• 31:06Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 31:07Speaker 03

  And I was auditioning. I had a commercial agent in Chicago who's sending me in all these commercial auditions because she saw my beauty through the.

• 31:13Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  And I did an audition for a local pumpkin patch.

• 31:18Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 31:19Speaker 03

  And they had, the commercial was like a moth- a mom and dad and like a group of kids at a pumpkin patch and just being like, oh my god, this pumpkin patch is awesome, like come on down or whatever. So the audition was like, we had to, I was like

• 31:33Stavros Halkias?

  You were the mom?

• 31:34Speaker 03

  Four at the time.

• 31:35Stavros Halkias?

  You were playing the mom?

• 31:36Speaker 03

  And they had us audition with a family and you were supposed to like improvise with the family. So it was me, twenty-four. And, uh, like, I'm gonna say no disrespect, six-year-old dude with like full gray hair and like a bunch of children.

• 31:52Stavros Halkias?

  They were supposed to be your kids?

• 31:54Speaker 03

  Yes, and I had to be like, hey, kids, like this pumpkin patch is crazy.

• 31:58Stavros Halkias?

  And you're wearing like suspenders?

• 31:59Speaker 03

  Well, I, my, I, I was like, oh, it's like an audition, so I don't like whatever. But I didn't have any, I remember this so clearly. Obviously, goes without saying, didn't have any clothes for this. So I had, the only two normal items were, I had jeans.

• 32:14Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 32:14Speaker 03

  And then the normal shirt I had was a denim shirt.

• 32:16Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, so you were denimed up?

• 32:18Speaker 03

  But that's kinda like older, mom.

• 32:20Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm, Canadian tuxedo.

• 32:21Speaker 03

  Canadian tuxedo. And, um, so I was like, I was so wigged out, I like didn't know. And Ruby McCallister was visiting me at the time and she was like in the waiting room, waiting for me, like, this, I have a witness, I know I'm not making this up. And so she was freaked out. And she sees me go into the room and there's like a bunch of kids running around and I'm like, kids, look at the pumpkins. And I didn't know how to behave around kids, so I like, kinda, I was trying to like act maternal, so I like touched one, like to be like,

• 32:47Stavros Halkias?

  No, get the fuck off me! Don't you lady, you don't know me!

• 32:51Speaker 03

  The, the person leading the audition was like, you're not allowed to touch them. And I was like, okay, kids, whatever. And then obviously, whatever, I'm like leaving the audition room and the like fucking eighty-year-old like husband or whatever that I was supposed to have passed me on the back and he goes, loosen up next time.

• 33:08Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, loose, he, he, he went in for a kiss? He was like, whoa, you're supposed to be my wife, loosen up, you fucking bitch.

• 33:17Speaker 03

  Relax, what are you, what, like twenty-four, barely eighteen, you look amazing by the way, not a boy. God, you, you know what, I'll say it. I'm not, I'm not too afraid to say it. Women, not easy.

• 33:31Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm, to deal with, is that what you mean?

• 33:36Speaker 03

  Right, exactly. Listen up.

• 33:38Stavros Halkias?

  Kind of a headache, loosen up.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  Was that story as good as it felt to remember? Cause like, in my memory of it-

• 33:44Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, I was sad, did it feel better than C minus?

• 33:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay. I, in the car, I was kind of like, what amazing stories can I test out?

• 33:56Stavros Halkias?

  Eating your quarter of a protein bar, thinking about the rich life you've led.

• 34:02Speaker 03

  I did think of one thing, that I thought you would like.

• 34:05Stavros Halkias?

  Lay it on me.

• 34:06Speaker 03

  Cause I was just like, you know, I'm like, what, what can we do on Stav's podcast to not talk about my weird shirts and hair?

• 34:17Stavros Halkias?

  That will never happen, by the way. We will always talk about your weird shirts and hair.

• 34:20Speaker 03

  That's how I know I have you wrapped around my finger. It was like that.

• 34:25Stavros Halkias?

  Not until you started doing the Marilyn Monroe, you start wearing that Marilyn Monroe dress, maybe, now we're talking.

• 34:30Speaker 03

  You know, one time, maybe now I'm gonna sound like I said, you know when sometimes, I don't, like, when people, I, I've learned very, I learned, don't look for what people are saying about you, obviously, I'm lying.

• 34:43Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course, yes.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  But you know how sometimes, you get like tagged in Instagram stories, so that just like kind of comes up sometimes?

• 34:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you can't avoid it sometimes, sure.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  So, I saw someone had tagged me in something, and their like little avatar was a picture of me when I was stunning.

• 34:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  And it was, um, I'm a Russian with white blonde hair licking a lollipop.

• 35:04Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  And so that was another time I felt really stunning.

• 35:07Stavros Halkias?

  The lick is next level.

• 35:09Speaker 03

  I was squatting on the ground in a miniskirt licking a lollipop. Again, it felt amazing.

• 35:17Speaker 03

  It feels amazing to whore it up. You should fucking try it.

• 35:20Stavros Halkias?

  So, you don't think I do it? I do a new calendar every year.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  You have full sex scenes too, yeah.

• 35:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I've been naked in movies, yeah.

• 35:26Speaker 03

  It kind of feels like amazing.

• 35:28Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that, it does feel amazing for you, cause you don't allow yourself even one ounce of sexual like, identity or gratification or-

• 35:38Speaker 03

  Like, way too busy for that.

• 35:39Stavros Halkias?

  You don't even, you're not like-

• 35:41Speaker 03

  Way too busy.

• 35:41Stavros Halkias?

  It feels like anytime you're, I, I'm guessing anytime you're horny, you like punish yourself for it. You probably have like a mallet anytime you, yeah. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, you hit yourself in the head with a fucking hammer.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  No, clowns can't be horny.

• 35:56Stavros Halkias?

  What are you talking about? Clowns are some of the horniest things in the world.

• 35:59Speaker 03

  L.A. clowns, I'm talking to you guys. I've seen them have sex on stage, basically.

• 36:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  And I support it, I think it's cool, by the way.

• 36:05Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I've seen, I mean, there's definitely clown pornography that exists, that's out there.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  Well, I've not looking at that, I have stuff to do.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  Fucking you, him in the back of the bus. You guys, none the wiser. Having a restful night's sleep, he's in the back of the bus watching hardcore clown pornography.

• 36:25Stavros Halkias?

  On the bus, there was no beating it on the bus. Now, did we share an Airbnb and maybe I may have jacked off? Sure.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  Right.

• 36:33Stavros Halkias?

  But that's different. You could jack off in an Airbnb, you can't jack off on the bus. You never beat off on the bus, did you? No.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  Where would it go?

• 36:40Stavros Halkias?

  Respect. Me in a fucking napkin or something?

• 36:44Speaker 03

  Not on the bus, there's no napkins. There's no room, it's a bus.

• 36:48Stavros Halkias?

  Says the girl that shit on the fucking bus. Yeah, you shit on the bus.

• 36:51Speaker 03

  Sorry, JP, Eric's store manager. I must have, there's just no way, like-

• 36:55Stavros Halkias?

  How many people were on that bus?

• 36:57Speaker 03

  Um, like, three.

• 36:59Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 37:00Speaker 03

  So it's like, there's room. How many people were on your guys' bus?

• 37:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, maybe six or seven.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  Oh, but do you-

• 37:06Stavros Halkias?

  Like, five.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  That's a lot.

• 37:08Stavros Halkias?

  It's not that much.

• 37:09Speaker 03

  But it's like, yeah.

• 37:10Stavros Halkias?

  Compared to bands, bands have like three motherfuckers to a thing.

• 37:12Speaker 03

  How do they live?

• 37:14Stavros Halkias?

  It's horrible.

• 37:14Speaker 03

  I got, my, this is embarrassing, but whatever, I'll be vulnerable, I have an aura ring. And, um, uh, uh, uh, I saw Waxahatchee live, it was amazing. She, she had an aura ring too, and I go, maybe I'm not such a fucking low-life loser after, after all, she has one. And she says her aura ring, she got one for tour to make sure she was sleeping, but because the tour, but telling her story. I'm like, I'm literally like to-

• 37:39Stavros Halkias?

  Telling a more talented person's story.

• 37:43Speaker 03

  Fully like, this is her truth, this is her narrative.

• 37:46Stavros Halkias?

  We met, yeah.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  Couldn't it be nicer, couldn't it be cooler?

• 37:48Stavros Halkias?

  In, uh, Na- yeah, in Nashville. She was awesome.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  I actually met her too.

• 37:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we met her, we actually had a show, sold that show at the Ryman the night I met her. When, when did you meet her?

• 37:58Speaker 03

  I probably was having one line in a movie in Syracuse. To stay an extra night, to see the show, and then probably had a half-sold show.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  Syracuse right after I did uh actually I did did you ever do Syracuse the college?

• 38:17Stavros Halkias?

  I never did the college.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  I I did that a couple of months ago and like obviously goes without saying fully lit cafeteria. Could have fit fifteen hundred people maybe thirty kids showed up. And like the students were like yeah when Marcelo was here there was like fuck it. He's like sold out on the block and I was like. Totally I'm glad you told me.

• 38:39Stavros Halkias?

  Buses from the neighboring cities were sending all their Latinos to come see Marcelo.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  And I'm like no they're coming they just got they're all in the big clown car.

• 38:50Stavros Halkias?

  Where there's one VW Beetle with four hundred people coming to see Sarah.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  They're coming they're coming.

• 38:57Speaker 03

  They're they're changing a spare tire. How many clowns does it take whatever.

• 39:03Stavros Halkias?

  You you were telling two different stories. One was originally you thought of something good to tell me.

• 39:08Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 39:08Stavros Halkias?

  But then there was a digression off of that.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 39:11Stavros Halkias?

  Waxahachie.

• 39:12Speaker 03

  Said that because when you're on the tour bus it's moving.

• 39:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 39:16Speaker 03

  So the or ring doesn't clock as sleep. So it's like confused it sees you geographically moving through time but you're asleep. So then I'm like what does it think you're doing?

• 39:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah floating.

• 39:29Speaker 03

  Yeah and again it you know whatever. But you gotta sometimes you gotta have one of these.

• 39:35Stavros Halkias?

  How's your sleep these days?

• 39:36Speaker 03

  I wake up in the middle of the night gasping. I'm not kidding.

• 39:40Stavros Halkias?

  What is going on man?

• 39:45Speaker 03

  I had a nightmare last night I know everyone goes dreams aren't fun to talk about they fucking are.

• 39:51Stavros Halkias?

  They are they're interesting.

• 39:52Speaker 03

  They're insane.

• 39:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:54Speaker 03

  Um I I had a dream Ivan Ooze was in my dream.

• 39:58Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 40:00Speaker 03

  Do you remember Ivan?

• 40:01Stavros Halkias?

  Power Rangers?

• 40:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah yeah yeah.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  Who's very like. Obviously.

• 40:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's insane. I just thought of Ivanoo's recently. Yeah.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  Was it because you're thinking like Sarah squirm Ivanoo's?

• 40:11Stavros Halkias?

  No, it wasn't about you at all.

• 40:12Speaker 03

  Come on, it was maybe about me.

• 40:14Stavros Halkias?

  I think I just saw a clip online and I was like, oh yeah, I remember that shit. Cause you know that you, we had to see that in theaters. That was a must see. That Power Rangers movie was awesome.

• 40:23Speaker 04

  We should watch that.

• 40:24Stavros Halkias?

  We should.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  That movie was sick.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  That's a summertime movie.

• 40:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:27Speaker 03

  Hanging out, having fun, come back inside in the.

• 40:29Stavros Halkias?

  We might've seen that. We might've seen that together.

• 40:31Speaker 03

  Aww.

• 40:32Stavros Halkias?

  I saw it with Big P.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  Theaters?

• 40:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, were you there?

• 40:35Speaker 04

  I definitely had it on like tape. I know I saw it a million times like I said.

• 40:39Stavros Halkias?

  I saw, I saw Power Rangers with the, oh, except deeply bad as I just said it. The elusive and mysterious Big P.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  You know, I think this is how you guys have combat. Couldn't even say that word. This is how you guys combat dementia.

• 40:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, we have.

• 40:57Speaker 03

  Your memory.

• 40:57Stavros Halkias?

  We do have someone there who's been there our entire lives. Did this really happen or am I misremembering it?

• 41:05Speaker 03

  And you're like, you know, some would find your nostalgia to be like a mental illness and like,

• 41:09Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 41:10Speaker 03

  Oh, like why haven't you guys matured?

• 41:11Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  Your friends have some childhood.

• 41:14Stavros Halkias?

  Of the three people in this room, who's the most infantil, who infantilizes themselves the most? Who's a sexless clown? Who chooses to live that way?

• 41:25Speaker 03

  Many people find me very sexual.

• 41:29Stavros Halkias?

  Against your will. Against your will.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  No, I'm Sarah Sex. I'm nothing.

• 41:35Stavros Halkias?

  The Sarah Sex rebrand?

• 41:37Speaker 03

  I'm Sarah Sex. I'm Sarah Sex, you know? I'm going blonde. I'm going Marilyn Monroe. I'm show all y'all bitches.

• 41:48Stavros Halkias?

  You should try it for yourself. Well, yeah, going back, that's the reason you like it so much. Cause you feel like you have an excuse to do it. It's not your choice. Someone's forcing you to do it and you're like, hey, I actually like behaving this way. Within reason and you could just sprinkle a little that into your life.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  And you know what? No one would take me fucking seriously. If they saw how.

• 42:09Stavros Halkias?

  Who the fuck takes you seriously now?

• 42:11Speaker 03

  No one would take.

• 42:12Stavros Halkias?

  You think people would take you seriously?

• 42:17Speaker 03

  They would be so distracted by my beauty that they wouldn't be able to hear my perfect jokes. My jokes that are so well crafted. You take me seriously.

• 42:28Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, what was your, okay, so we've done the Waxahatchies anecdote about her.

• 42:31Speaker 03

  Oh, Ivan Ooze.

• 42:33Stavros Halkias?

  You've told that.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  In my dream.

• 42:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  In my dream, I was hanging out with a bunch of people who were nameless. Cause they were committing crimes against Sarah Sex in this. In this dream, but like we were, I was like hanging out with a group of people and then people kept leaving. They're like, oh my God, like we have to go like the Power Rangers are here.

• 42:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, nice.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  And I was like, oh, I'm like, I was like, okay, fine. Go hang out with the fucking Power Rangers.

• 42:58Speaker 03

  I was sitting there like, fucking whatever. I feel like, just like, I'm not cool enough.

• 43:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:04Speaker 03

  And then Ivan Ooze was there and I remember Bowen being like, yo, like Ivan Ooze is here. Like we have to chill with him. And I was like, yeah, you're right. And so then I was chilling with Ivan Ooze, but I was like, cause he was kind of talking me down. Cause I was feeling, I was taking it so personally that everyone would abandon hanging out to go like clout chase with the Power Rangers.

• 43:26Stavros Halkias?

  And Ivan Ooze, for those who don't know, is the villain of the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  And he's Major.

• 43:33Stavros Halkias?

  He's pretty cool.

• 43:33Speaker 03

  He's Major.

• 43:35Stavros Halkias?

  What is it? They, they sell like an ooze as a toy.

• 43:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:39Stavros Halkias?

  And it poison and like mind controls people or something.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  And it's purple. He's purple lives. And like Bowen in my dream was being like, you know, this is interesting. He was being like, don't make this about you. How about we go chill with Ivan Ooze?

• 43:53Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, Bowen was saying this to you.

• 43:55Speaker 03

  You know what I'm saying? So it's like, I think the dream was about like, stop making shit about you, dude. Like Ivan Ooze is here. Let's obviously fucking chill with him.

• 44:03Stavros Halkias?

  So, okay, your friends abandoned you for the Power Rangers. So then a different one of your friends like, fuck them, fuck the Power Rangers. Let's go hang out with their enemy.

• 44:13Speaker 03

  More like everyone from Power Rangers was there.

• 44:17Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay.

• 44:18Speaker 03

  And so people, they like descended upon the hangout.

• 44:20Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 44:21Speaker 03

  So like all the power, Rita Repulsa was not there by the way.

• 44:24Stavros Halkias?

  Who I was a big fan of.

• 44:26Speaker 03

  I'm sure. Stop, stop sex.

• 44:28Stavros Halkias?

  I did kind of want to fuck Rita Repulsa for some reason.

• 44:32Speaker 03

  And like, so they had like members of, yeah, I mean, Major.

• 44:36Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  Like Princess Leia, like she's kind of got like a cool, like. She she looks very like superstar.

• 44:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  Grace Jonesy or something.

• 44:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  But like everyone in the it was like, I mean, think about it. If you're hanging out at a Fourth of July barbecue, not to date this podcast and like Power Rangers showed up, you'd be like, you know, we're like, oh, like, I'm I'm gonna go talk to the green one. But in my I was taking it so person- personally that everyone was like dispersing to go talk to the Power Rangers and Bowen was like talking sense into me being like, dude.

• 45:08Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, so Ivan Uz wasn't.

• 45:10Speaker 03

  He was like a celebrity.

• 45:11Stavros Halkias?

  It wasn't that he was an antagonist of the Power Rangers.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  No, he just was.

• 45:14Stavros Halkias?

  He was an extension of the universe.

• 45:16Speaker 03

  And he was like a celeb- basically, it was like the celebrities are here.

• 45:19Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  And he's like, dude, like, this, like, the most major.

• 45:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:25Speaker 03

  Figure of all of cinema history is here, like.

• 45:28Stavros Halkias?

  Ivan Uz.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  Let's do it, huh?

• 45:30Stavros Halkias?

  The greatest villain of all time, Ivan Uz.

• 45:32Speaker 03

  And like just like the most fabulosity, like.

• 45:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  Superstar is here. Like, the most fabulous superstar is here. Let's go hang out with him. Like, stop taking it personally. So like, something's happening with me.

• 45:42Stavros Halkias?

  In your head.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, clearly, this has to do with being on SNL and constantly being around famous people. And feeling and feeling less than. And you just had to pu- put in the Power Ranger. You didn't even you didn't even substitute, uh, it's literally your friend who's also on the show. This is probably a conversation Bowen has had with you about like fucking, you know, Josh Brolin or something. When your friends leave you to talk to the fucking musical guest. Like, this is barely a dream. You've just you've just substituted the actual famous people at your job for the Power Rangers.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  Right. But like, in order for my mind to like understand the like weight of celebrity, because I don't feel the weight of celebrity.

• 46:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 46:28Speaker 03

  With like.

• 46:29Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 46:29Speaker 03

  A lot of normal, you know, like.

• 46:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, sure.

• 46:31Speaker 03

  Whatever. When do you feel starstruck? Like, what was the most you've ever felt starstruck?

• 46:37Stavros Halkias?

  In the, I mean, I'm in, we could talk about it now, but I was in a fucking movie with Emma Stone and Jesse Plemons. And the first, my first day at work, I met both of them and Yorgos Lanthimos directed and I was like, this is fucking insane that I'm here. It was, it was like beyond starstruck, cause it was like starstruck would be if I saw them on the streets.

• 46:55Speaker 03

  Right.

• 46:55Stavros Halkias?

  But then it's like, oh, these are my fucking coworkers for, that was insane.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  It's amazing.

• 47:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, so yes, that was fucking nuts. Um, but yeah, that's, that.

• 47:04Speaker 03

  But it's like the, to feel like, in my dream, in order for my mind to feel starstruck.

• 47:09Stavros Halkias?

  To you, the Power Rangers is a true celebrity.

• 47:12Speaker 03

  Like Ivan Ooze.

• 47:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:15Speaker 03

  Like, which was, yeah, it was quite interesting, yeah.

• 47:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, interesting. I'm, are you still going to therapy eight times a week or whatever the fuck you're doing?

• 47:23Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 47:24Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta find somebody else, man. You barely, you're worse every time I talk to you. You've made less progress.

• 47:31Speaker 04

  Tell me more about Ivan Ooze.

• 47:35Stavros Halkias?

  Is there? The therapist is like, say the word Ivan Ooze in your third therapy.

• 47:40Speaker 04

  He was so awesome in that.

• 47:47Speaker 03

  You know what else I told myself while I was like, let me think of a fun story to tell.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  Because I was like, I don't want to talk about my weird clothes and I don't want to talk about fucking Sami. It's like, I always fucking do. It's your fault. You bring it out of me.

• 48:04Stavros Halkias?

  I do.

• 48:05Speaker 03

  Have I been here since David Lynch died?

• 48:07Stavros Halkias?

  No, how are you dealing with that? How are you dealing with that?

• 48:12Speaker 03

  Talk to the little watch on my thing. Well, cause obvi, how I kind, I had an, maybe a.

• 48:19Stavros Halkias?

  That happened, your therapist just like making, putting a down payment on a vacation house?

• 48:26Speaker 03

  He was like, he was, he was, it's interesting, I'll never have a nice quality of life because I pay these people so much to not do anything. Literally, he was like, would it be beneficial for us today to talk about the passing of David Lynch?

• 48:39Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 48:41Speaker 03

  You know what I said? No.

• 48:44Stavros Halkias?

  Good for you.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 48:46Stavros Halkias?

  He was like, fuck.

• 48:49Speaker 03

  And then of course I.

• 48:52Speaker 03

  Nevertheless, I persisted to do that.

• 48:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:56Speaker 03

  It just came up, because then once you say it.

• 48:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, of course.

• 48:58Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 48:59Stavros Halkias?

  He kept, he kept like dropping, he's like, okay, we don't have to talk about it. Uh, he, he just like starts saying shit like, I was recently, you know, I was in Los Angeles taking a, a car ride. You know, I drove by Mulholland Drive and uh, sometimes it's just tough, I feel like I'm on a lost highway. He's just, he's just trying to fucking get you to say, to fucking.

• 49:21Speaker 03

  I do, I do think about Robert Blake in Lost Highway, like basically every day.

• 49:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that is a cool fucked up character.

• 49:28Speaker 03

  But it's like, don't you get that? It's like, you know that guy. That is a guy you know. I'm at your house.

• 49:38Speaker 03

  It's so perfect.

• 49:40Stavros Halkias?

  It is awesome.

• 49:41Speaker 03

  So there you go.

• 49:43Stavros Halkias?

  Great.

• 49:43Speaker 03

  Oh, I was gonna ask you guys, what's your, what's your tour food? Like, cause you have to have, I'm curious for myself, you have to have tour food that's not gonna betray you?

• 49:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  So what are your like tour non betrayal foods?

• 49:56Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, canned beans might have been the overall MVP of the whole tour. Rice, beans and sardines. Rice, beans and sardines. Beans and I did a lot of, he did a lot more canned fish than me. I did the Costco sous vide steak.

• 50:10Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 50:11Stavros Halkias?

  And so he would probably have canned, canned fish and beans and I would have steak.

• 50:15Speaker 03

  Cooking on the butt?

• 50:16Stavros Halkias?

  No, you don't need to cook this stuff. Everything's microwavable. Get like the microwavable rice. We got those from like Costco. I even got a rice cooker at the end.

• 50:25Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 50:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Rice cooker, you're fucking, and we had a fucking, we had a little stove top too by the end too. But yeah, the rice bean, rice bean sardines and I would say throw those Costco sous vide steaks in there. Yeah. That was those, those were the MVPs.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  That's good.

• 50:39Stavros Halkias?

  I would kill for that right now, that sounds so good. I know dude, I, I have actually fallen apart outside of tour. Tour was keeping my life together. I know, I, I even lost weight on tour. Me too. I lost weight, like I was like, oh wow. We were like, cause we were busy, we were exercising.

• 50:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:54Stavros Halkias?

  We were locked the fuck in. Yeah.

• 50:56Speaker 03

  I also get nervous like before a show and if you're doing a show every night, like the nerves like shake off.

• 51:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they dissipate.

• 51:04Speaker 03

  Ten pounds at least. It's like you're just like, every night and if you have two shows.

• 51:12Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, you don't get less nervous, you just, you just stay the same amount of nervous?

• 51:15Speaker 03

  I will be nervous my whole life.

• 51:17Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  That's just, I've accepted it. That is what I'm gonna be. So I'm like, when I'm on tour, I'm just like, I can't eat in like a two hour window before the show.

• 51:27Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. Afterwards, though?

• 51:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:30Speaker 03

  And mistakes are made.

• 51:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:32Speaker 03

  Here, tour food, ready?

• 51:34Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:34Speaker 03

  Wake up.

• 51:37Speaker 03

  More water than God can even comprehend. More coconut water than

• 51:43Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  Anyone on this planet earth. Well, cuz I made the mistake, I was like, oh, electrolytes, I'll just drink Pedialyte every day. Um, gave myself like high blood pressure from drinking so much Pedialyte. So like, oh, it's electrolytes, I'm on tour, whatever. And like, you know, when you're, well, this is why I was flying so much that I was convinced that, um, my blood vessels in my eyes were swelling.

• 52:09Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm. Interesting. Hey, you heard of that happening, or?

• 52:13Speaker 03

  I could feel it.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  My across the hall neighbor, do you know Mary Ann? She's awesome. Shout out Mary Ann, she's a brain scientist. So I try not to-

• 52:23Stavros Halkias?

  Ask me if I know your neighbor?

• 52:26Speaker 03

  You're around.

• 52:28Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know Mary Ann, though. Sounds cool, though.

• 52:30Speaker 03

  Mary Ann's a goat. She is a brain scientist, and I try not to abuse the privilege of being a brain scientist. But I'm, I'll kinda casually be like, do the veins in my eyes look like beer to you?

• 52:44Speaker 03

  But so whatever, I don't do Pedialyte anymore. For electrolytes, I do coconut water. Obviously, the rider is, say it with me, Saltines, Black Licorice, Diet Coke, period, and soy.

• 52:54Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy.

• 52:55Speaker 03

  Every city, no matter what.

• 52:57Stavros Halkias?

  Saltines, Black Licorice, Diet Coke.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  And the Pedialyte's still on the rider, but I try not to abuse it.

• 53:03Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. Only for when you're really dehydrated.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  Or like really having diarrhea. Which is happening. Obviously.

• 53:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 53:12Speaker 03

  Um, sorry to the buffalo helium for what I did to the bathroom.

• 53:18Speaker 03

  And it is also fun.

• 53:19Stavros Halkias?

  That one's tough, because well, you're just having diarrhea so close to everybody else.

• 53:23Speaker 03

  It's like.

• 53:24Stavros Halkias?

  The bathroom is right by the green room.

• 53:26Speaker 03

  My pore opener. You know I'm gonna catch it. But like, what is your rider?

• 53:31Stavros Halkias?

  Rotisserie chicken, number one.

• 53:33Speaker 03

  Damn, damn.

• 53:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's right off the bat.

• 53:34Speaker 03

  Damn.

• 53:35Stavros Halkias?

  Protein bars, Greek yogurts, fruit.

• 53:38Speaker 03

  Veggie plate, hummus plate?

• 53:40Stavros Halkias?

  No, fruit plate, though.

• 53:41Speaker 03

  Cool.

• 53:41Stavros Halkias?

  We're not, we're not really a veggie type of crew.

• 53:44Speaker 03

  No, totally respect.

• 53:45Stavros Halkias?

  Hummus, though, is not a bad idea.

• 53:46Speaker 03

  Protein, isn't it?

• 53:48Speaker 04

  Even a veggie tray, a little carrots, broccoli.

• 53:50Speaker 03

  It's not bad.

• 53:51Speaker 04

  Cherry tomatoes wouldn't kill us.

• 53:53Stavros Halkias?

  No, fuck that.

• 53:53Speaker 03

  A fucking cucumber.

• 53:55Stavros Halkias?

  Nice try, Aldous, not happening, no.

• 53:58Speaker 03

  Don't you dare.

• 54:01Stavros Halkias?

  What the hell?

• 54:02Speaker 03

  What'd he say?

• 54:03Stavros Halkias?

  He said to put up Stav's ass.

• 54:04Speaker 04

  A cucumber.

• 54:05Speaker 03

  Ah, it was so Rita Repulsa.

• 54:08Stavros Halkias?

  Slice by slice.

• 54:10Speaker 03

  Cucumber is one of the like, it blew, every, actually, every night I go to sleep thinking about like, I hope I have cucumbers tomorrow.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  It's one of the best.

• 54:20Stavros Halkias?

  That's really attainable, man. You could just have cucumbers.

• 54:24Speaker 03

  Sometimes it's not like that, though.

• 54:25Stavros Halkias?

  You could have it in your fucking fridge.

• 54:27Speaker 03

  A little one, a little cucumber.

• 54:31Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:31Speaker 03

  Oh, someone was missing things? Okay.

• 54:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:35Speaker 03

  This is the, this is tour life.

• 54:37Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:37Speaker 03

  Wake up, water, coconut water, Starbucks, vegan, Koya, non-sponsored protein shake.

• 54:45Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 54:46Speaker 03

  And this is what has kept me afloat.

• 54:49Speaker 03

  The fucking Starbucks, English muffin, egg sandwiches.

• 54:54Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, those are pretty good. Those are more in a breaky glass in case of emergency thing for us.

• 54:59Speaker 03

  Really?

• 55:00Stavros Halkias?

  But we'll get them in the mix, yeah.

• 55:00Speaker 03

  That's like the thing, I put nothing on it, dry as a desert bone.

• 55:05Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  Egg patty, take the meat off.

• 55:08Stavros Halkias?

  Take the meat off?

• 55:09Speaker 03

  Cause I'm like, I'm trying. Well, by the way, let's set the record fucking straight for once and for all.

• 55:16Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 55:17Speaker 03

  A sausage breakfast sandwich, honey, you're eating a burger in the morning, have fun.

• 55:23Speaker 03

  That is what it is.

• 55:23Stavros Halkias?

  Nothing wrong with that. A turkey, if you go turkey sausage.

• 55:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true.

• 55:27Stavros Halkias?

  And you wanna talk about protein?

• 55:29Speaker 03

  But a morning burger is crazy.

• 55:31Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I could do a morning burger, no problem. You're at the wrong, you're at the wrong show to be complaining about morning burgers.

• 55:35Speaker 03

  I know, this was me though, I went with my burger last night, oh. I could feel, my heart couldn't even pump blood to my body correctly.

• 55:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:43Speaker 03

  What is that? What, what, what is going on?

• 55:47Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I think partially you were expecting, you probably had a good time and you were punishing yourself for that. I think mentally, you had a nice evening with friends, something you don't do, and you had one martini and one burger, and your brain couldn't allow you to just have a nice night.

• 56:04Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 56:04Stavros Halkias?

  So it was overreacting to, yeah, should you felt a little worse than usual? Sure, but not, not what you're describing.

• 56:12Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 56:12Stavros Halkias?

  Off one burger and one martini.

• 56:14Speaker 03

  So true. But I literally like, it, cause I don't, I don't really drink that much, so like, having a martini, it's like,

• 56:22Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm with you.

• 56:23Speaker 03

  Lock me up and sign, and sign away the key, or whatever.

• 56:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, lock me up and sign away the key, exactly right.

• 56:30Stavros Halkias?

  I know what you mean though, I don't drink as much anymore, and the couple times I've gotten drunk recently, it had quite the effect afterwards.

• 56:35Speaker 03

  Holy shit, and then you're like, this is poison, I'm poisoning myself.

• 56:38Stavros Halkias?

  It is fully poisoned.

• 56:39Speaker 03

  It's poison, it's not fucking worth it. I'm so sick of it. Everyone have fun drinking.

• 56:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, go off.

• 56:45Speaker 03

  Have fun drinking, have fun with your drugs.

• 56:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 56:51Stavros Halkias?

  What else? That it? That the whole sentiment?

• 56:55Speaker 04

  Have fun with your breakfast sausage.

• 56:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you can be someone who's enjoying life as much as Sarah.

• 57:00Speaker 03

  You know what's so funny? We were all kinda like, oh, we shouldn't have a martini, and then we were kinda like, should we be bad?

• 57:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 57:09Speaker 03

  And we were having fun.

• 57:11Stavros Halkias?

  You were, and that's okay, that's alright, that's what life's about.

• 57:13Speaker 03

  And we all showed up, and us, we, I showed up wearing a Morbid Angel shirt, Patty showed up wearing a Skinless shirt, Freka showed up wearing a Cannibal Corp shirt, we were all wearing the exact same outfit, we said, let's get fucking martinis, I blacked out immediately, swallowed the hamburger whole, no chewing, said, get the risotto in there, obviously fries were completely eaten, doesn't even need to be mentioned.

• 57:35Stavros Halkias?

  Doesn't even count.

• 57:36Speaker 03

  Had a Diet Coke for dessert.

• 57:38Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 57:40Speaker 03

  Diet.

• 57:40Stavros Halkias?

  The Diet Coke nightcap, nothing wrong with that.

• 57:43Speaker 03

  When was the last time you went to a restaurant and didn't order a Diet Coke? Seriously, in V D S, like seriously divest all that.

• 57:49Speaker 04

  Two nights ago.

• 57:51Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wait, Diet Coke is.

• 57:53Speaker 03

  I allegedly allegedly. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

• 57:56Speaker 04

  When it's what?

• 57:57Stavros Halkias?

  Uh.

• 57:58Speaker 03

  You're like divest boycott.

• 58:00Stavros Halkias?

  Boycott shit, whatever. I just need, I just need diet something. But you're right.

• 58:05Speaker 03

  It's Diet Coke, though. If you're having a fucking burger.

• 58:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Coke Zero as well, but same thing.

• 58:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, but think about one was, when was the last time you went to a restaurant and didn't have a Diet Coke?

• 58:15Stavros Halkias?

  Very rarely will I not order the, a D C.

• 58:18Speaker 03

  I don't.

• 58:18Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a big D C head.

• 58:20Speaker 03

  I don't even think. If I look five years. I don't think I've not had a Diet Coke at a restaurant and I'll try to do the thing where you go like, we'll have four Diet Cokes at the table and then people go like. Wait, whoa, and then, and then they kind of go like. Yeah, we'll do that.

• 58:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Oh, interesting.

• 58:39Speaker 03

  You ever tried that?

• 58:39Stavros Halkias?

  I would never, I would never think to order somebody else's Diet Coke. It's not a fucking beer.

• 58:44Speaker 03

  Four Diet Cokes for the table. I think people go. Okay, we'll have that.

• 58:49Stavros Halkias?

  It's not like fries, like some people might just want, eldest I know is a regular, he, he, my boy will have a regular Coke.

• 58:54Speaker 04

  If I, if I really want a Coke with a meal, I'll just get a regular one. I don't like how Diet Coke tastes.

• 58:59Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm a Diet Coke guy.

• 59:00Speaker 03

  If it's, if it's hot out, a regular Coke?

• 59:03Stavros Halkias?

  Regular Coke is too good. I'm, I'm off, I'm off, uh. Regular sodas.

• 59:09Speaker 04

  I've been getting like seltzers with meals, like just plain soda water. If I kind of want a little something to break the food down, but.

• 59:16Stavros Halkias?

  Who the fuck do you think you are, man? You're too good for Diet Coke. You've become a seltzer with food. Yeah, he needs to hear this from me. Seltzer with a fucking meal guy? No, thanks.

• 59:27Speaker 03

  Are you guys getting dessert every time? Cause I usually can't get the dessert. Cause it's usually dairy crazy.

• 59:33Stavros Halkias?

  It's too decadent. I mean, are we celebrating something? Then yes, we're getting a dessert, but no, we're not getting desserts like day to day.

• 59:40Speaker 03

  I just can't always do dessert. So then it's like, well, then I'll just have, I'll, Diet Coke will be there no matter what to like, at least give me a little sweet at the end of the song.

• 59:48Stavros Halkias?

  I'm definitely a big Diet Coke guy. I'll crush a Diet Coke, a little, a little afternoon Diet Coke. Just what the doctor ordered. Well, we could, you know, we're going through a lot of philosophical stuff here about Diet Cokes, about Ivan Ooze.

• 1:00:03Speaker 03

  Wait, don't you want to hear the story that I wanted to tell you?

• 1:00:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, please, go ahead. I thought Ivan Ooze was the story.

• 1:00:07Speaker 03

  No, I, I thought that you would like this.

• 1:00:10Stavros Halkias?

  Give me, hit me with it.

• 1:00:11Speaker 03

  So, cause I was like, what are we gonna, I don't want to talk about therapy with Stav.

• 1:00:15Stavros Halkias?

  We've already talked about everything you didn't want to talk about, so you might as well tell the story now.

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  I don't want to talk about how Stav thinks I'm asexual and sex negative.

• 1:00:23Stavros Halkias?

  You literally are. It's fucked up and you should look into it. Instead of talking about the fucking, uh, fire walk with me in therapy.

• 1:00:33Speaker 03

  I was doing a show in Vancouver. I was thinking about this a lot. Well, so.

• 1:00:38Stavros Halkias?

  Great city, Vancouver.

• 1:00:40Speaker 03

  Unbelievable. And I was there like the day after they got like dental insurance, like a couple of weeks ago. And I was like, you guys are having an amazing time, universal, whatever. But, um, do you get crazy presents?

• 1:00:52Stavros Halkias?

  I've gotten some.

• 1:00:53Speaker 03

  Like what?

• 1:00:54Stavros Halkias?

  We got a great, I mean, you're looking at two right there, right? And some, uh, somebody gave us the painting, which we showed off on the fucking show. Go grab the painting, Eldis.

• 1:01:04Speaker 03

  Oh, when I came in this? That's cute. Well, people, people probably can't reach you because you're, the stage is like, it's security.

• 1:01:11Stavros Halkias?

  It is kinda.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  People can reach you.

• 1:01:14Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  And you know when you do a comedy club and then it's always, aww.

• 1:01:20Stavros Halkias?

  Shut up. Did we shout them out, Eldis? Do you have their info?

• 1:01:23Speaker 03

  This is amazing!

• 1:01:24Stavros Halkias?

  I know, it's so good. They even got the fish eye, the fish eye.

• 1:01:28Speaker 03

  Do you guys do fish eye on the?

• 1:01:30Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, it's just our room is so small that it kind of fish eyes. Incredibly well done, Eldis. Get their info. Let's shout them out.

• 1:01:37Speaker 03

  They made you guys look like effing amazing.

• 1:01:39Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that is what we look like.

• 1:01:41Speaker 03

  And you're like, hey, and you got your Fitbit on.

• 1:01:43Stavros Halkias?

  I do have my Fitbit. I have my, my old favorite jeans that the Bare Bottom Corporation stopped making. They were these awesome stretchy jean shorts.

• 1:01:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, shout, shout out to, shout out to Ariel.

• 1:01:53Stavros Halkias?

  Shout out to Ariel.

• 1:01:54Speaker 04

  She brought that to us in DC. She like DM'd me and the Stavros World show. She like showed that painting in progress and was like.

• 1:02:00Stavros Halkias?

  So good.

• 1:02:00Speaker 04

  Hey, I'm, I'm coming to the DC show, blah, blah, blah. I have this.

• 1:02:04Stavros Halkias?

  Take us for life, Ariel.

• 1:02:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, I told her if you ever, yeah, she paid for the DC show, she flew out. Like, and she, and her foot was broken or some crazy shit. She was there with her friend. I was like.

• 1:02:16Stavros Halkias?

  We gotta get her all the merch we have in the store.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, I gave her, I gave her like a T-shirt, but I was like, okay, you're fucking awesome. Next time we're near you, just hit us up.

• 1:02:24Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:02:24Speaker 04

  That painting is sick.

• 1:02:25Stavros Halkias?

  So what was your insane little gift?

• 1:02:27Speaker 03

  I'm really glad that you got that, because I was doing a, this was like a couple of years ago, I was doing a show in Vancouver, and it was like one of the venues where the green room for our artist's green room was like literally like a little curtain the size of a napkin. Just in the corner of the room. And so they can see where you come out of it.

• 1:02:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:44Speaker 03

  And so it was after, you know, and I leave it all in the field.

• 1:02:46Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:02:47Speaker 03

  You know what I'm saying? Like, you know what? Give me a sec after the show, because I left it all in the field. I did everything I could for you. And like, so I, I'm like huffing and puffing behind my little napkin curtain after a show, and I'm like, you know, whatever. And I hear on the other side of the curtain, Sarah.

• 1:03:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 1:03:05Speaker 03

  Come out, come out, Sarah. I have a present for you.

• 1:03:09Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  And I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna take time for me, respect my space, respect my truth, give myself a second. And I'm like, maybe if I don't respond, he like won't, like he'll think, like, he doesn't know that it doesn't keep going.

• 1:03:21Stavros Halkias?

  Right, it could be huge.

• 1:03:23Speaker 03

  He goes, I can see you in the mirror.

• 1:03:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 1:03:27Speaker 03

  Behind me, there was like the wall was a mirror.

• 1:03:29Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:03:31Speaker 03

  And I look in the mirror, and he's popped out of the curtain, just says, I see you, I see you, I have to give you my present. And it was a noose with a pumpkin on it with X's for eyes. So I'm glad. I'm glad that you guys get these. Oh, put this up at the Louvre. You have a beautiful painting of you guys looking so flattering and gorgeous. She did the service of not having your balls come out the open pant leg. You know, she made you have dainty little gorgeous feet.

• 1:04:01Stavros Halkias?

  That's what my feet look like. She's a very talented painter. So a noose and the pumpkin had killed itself, huh?

• 1:04:07Speaker 03

  It was like a pumpkin with X's for eyes, like.

• 1:04:09Stavros Halkias?

  Nice. And I'm sure you hung out with that guy for a while afterwards.

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll tell you off camera. It gets really crazy, but I'll tell you off camera.

• 1:04:19Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, please do.

• 1:04:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:21Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it's time to bring some of your trademark knowledge as one of the most, the person who's been to therapy the most, maybe, that we've had on this show to help out our loyal listeners.

• 1:04:32Speaker 03

  Which speaks very lowly of who you have on the show.

• 1:04:35Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, that's the problem.

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, not me. Not me. Bo in my dream was saying, "I'm not the bad one." I'll be Bo in.

• 1:04:49Stavros Halkias?

  Go ahead, yeah, Bo, we'd love to have you. We can talk about IVA news.

• 1:04:53Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:04:54Stavros Halkias?

  Go ahead, Aldous.

• 1:04:57Speaker 00

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• 1:05:56Speaker 05

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• 1:06:12Speaker 06

  Hey, Stav, what's up, Eldis? Uh, got a fun situation here for you. So, started dating this girl. Uh, beautiful, beautiful girl. Super excited about her. We connect in every way. Um, she does do OnlyFans. That's her full-time thing. She makes a ton of money from it. Uh, I mean, I do really well and she, you know, put a probably a another O on what I make. Um, but she's super down-to-earth, doesn't want to do it forever. Wants kids, wants a family, wants to kind of put all that behind her in the future. And I think that's super cool. It's obviously what I want. I don't mind her doing this whatsoever. She doesn't, you know, work with partners or anything like that.

• 1:06:55Speaker 06

  So, in my head, pretty, pretty harmless.

• 1:06:59Stavros Halkias?

  I'm with you.

• 1:07:01Speaker 06

  I don't worry about really any of those kind of long-term repercussions in, in, in any way, aside from how to tell my family. Um, you know, we've been dating for about a month and it's going awesome. And so we're kind of getting those conversations now of, you know, what's that gonna look like? And, you know, do we tell them before they meet her? Do we tell them after so that they kind of get to know her and really like her? And then it's easier to break the news? I mean, these are, my parents are amazing and awesome and, and pretty, pretty progressive for, you know, old white folks from the Midwest. But still, you know, like, kind of your standard, non-denominational Christians.

• 1:07:45Speaker 06

  They're, they're, they're great, though. I, I don't think it'll be a problem long-term, but I just, I'm not sure how to break the news to them, uh, or, or win, I guess. Um, so kind of want your help if there's any fun ways to do it. Um, anyway, yeah, take, take the question around with it. But thanks, guys. I'll see you in Austin in October, I think. Awesome. Thank you.

• 1:08:08Speaker 03

  Were you at my shows in Austin?

• 1:08:13Speaker 03

  Didn't see any gorgeous OnlyFans baddies there.

• 1:08:17Stavros Halkias?

  This is, I guess my question is like, why do you need to tell your parents?

• 1:08:23Speaker 03

  They also might not know what OnlyFans is, so it doesn't even matter.

• 1:08:27Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I guess the question is like, let's say you're having dinner or whatever, and they're like, so? Emily, what do you do?

• 1:08:34Speaker 03

  I'm an internet video creator.

• 1:08:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm a content creator. I'm a Twitch streamer. Like, is there something you could like? That's like tangential that you can lie about? Because who cares? I really don't think this is a big deal. Do your parents need to know that she does OnlyFans?

• 1:08:50Speaker 03

  Do your parents need to know anything about your life at all?

• 1:08:54Stavros Halkias?

  I know what you mean.

• 1:08:55Speaker 04

  I do feel like is he putting the cart before the horse if they've only been dating for like a month? You know, I get it. I get his like concern like. And it sounds like he couldn't, he can't see it getting like pretty serious or whatever, but it's like, come on, man, a month like.

• 1:09:11Stavros Halkias?

  I'm with you.

• 1:09:12Speaker 04

  You know.

• 1:09:12Speaker 03

  Maybe he's like having all these anxieties and eroses about future problems in the relationship because he wants to like work out. It's like, you know, when you like create problems that aren't like there.

• 1:09:29Speaker 03

  But it's like, maybe you should just be worried about whether or not she even wants to chill with you or something.

• 1:09:32Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. I mean, a month to be thinking about meeting parents is lunacy, in my opinion.

• 1:09:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:38Stavros Halkias?

  Like, when, what do you think is a reasonable time to even start worrying about this? Six months?

• 1:09:43Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:09:43Stavros Halkias?

  And even then, it's like, even then, it's like, it could be long, like, I could date someone a year before they meet my fucking parents.

• 1:09:50Speaker 04

  I think Sarah, that's a good point, Sarah, because it's like, you know, the way he's even talking about it.

• 1:09:56Speaker 04

  The therapy's working.

• 1:10:03Speaker 04

  But it's like, you know, the way he's talking about it sounds like so conditional. He's like, yeah, she doesn't want to do it forever. One day she won't be doing it. Even though she's making a fuck ton of money. So it's like, you know, are you that comfortable with it or?

• 1:10:16Stavros Halkias?

  He doesn't sound that comfortable.

• 1:10:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like, do you have a sort of deadline that?

• 1:10:20Speaker 03

  The gentleman doth protest too much.

• 1:10:23Stavros Halkias?

  There's a little bit of that.

• 1:10:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:24Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm with him too. It's like, if, if someone's doing solo OnlyFans, it's like, she's a, she might as well work at a bank as far as I'm concerned.

• 1:10:31Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:10:32Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like.

• 1:10:33Speaker 03

  It's like, oh, so she's a substitute teacher?

• 1:10:34Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. It's like, if no one, if she's not fucking other people on camera, I don't give a fuck at all. You know what I mean?

• 1:10:41Speaker 03

  It's like, I basically do that.

• 1:10:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, for real, like being in the entertainment, like just being regu- an actor is worse than doing solo OnlyFans. I actually believe that.

• 1:10:51Speaker 03

  You're probably on porno websites, clips of you.

• 1:10:55Stavros Halkias?

  You think I'm on? I don't think so. I think you are. I think freaks have cut together some of your shit.

• 1:11:00Speaker 03

  Let's open my Wiki feed after, I'm curious.

• 1:11:03Stavros Halkias?

  I would love to.

• 1:11:05Speaker 03

  I think he's creating problems that aren't there yet.

• 1:11:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I guess like you're wait, it's a month, you're a month in, which means how many dates have you even been on? And like, is he a little like, you're right, he doesn't sound that kind, he's like, she doesn't want to do it forever. He clearly has been like, oh, okay, so huh, it's not something you want to do forever, right? Huh huh huh, like that's, she's like, no, no, you know, and, and even the like, I do well and she makes another, throw another zero on whatever I make. You do seem a little worried about it, both from an emasculation standpoint and from a like, you're not that comfortable with it.

• 1:11:43Speaker 03

  I'm so curious, because he's like, she's hot, I'm rich, like, I'm like, so what's the problem?

• 1:11:48Stavros Halkias?

  And there's no problem other than some theoretical conversation with his parents, which a month in, what the fuck are we even talking about? Like I said, I think six, for me, six months is the earliest I would ever consider someone meeting my family, and even that could be early, but you know, who knows?

• 1:12:07Speaker 03

  And maybe your dad will high five you like crazy.

• 1:12:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, for real. Maybe dad will be like, nice.

• 1:12:14Stavros Halkias?

  His dad subscribed already. That is true, your dad could see your girlfriend's pussy, which is not chill. But you know, she's rich and hot and you like her, and so I would say,

• 1:12:28Stavros Halkias?

  yeah, this just seems so way too early to be worried about this. I guess, let's say this was a, let's say you've been dating a year, I mean, Do you even need to tell your fucking parents? Legitimately, like if I was in your position, I would not, I would tell my mom that she's a fucking actress or something, you know what I mean, like?

• 1:12:48Speaker 03

  But see, you're, you know, sorry, what's interesting, erasing my own narrative, what's interesting is that you also are not telling your parents the truth.

• 1:12:59Stavros Halkias?

  I don't feel the need to, though.

• 1:13:00Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:13:01Stavros Halkias?

  I don't give a fuck about my parents knowing the truth, I just wanna get through a dinner without a fucking problem happening.

• 1:13:06Speaker 03

  Right, right, right, right, but no, that's always the goal, is to get through a dinner without a problem.

• 1:13:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, which maybe this guy actually wants his parents to fully accept, but like, who fucking cares, I don't know. Like, again, in fact, this might be him being like, he's laundering, he wants someone else to have a problem with it, so he can be like, well, I can't date her, instead of admitting that he has the problem, he's like, how do I tell him, I'm gonna tell my parents exactly what she is, and then, and then, uh, I guess we'll see what happens then, and that way he can clear his conscience, whereas like, cuz he's not really comfortable with it, cuz if, if you actually give a fuck and your goal is like, hey, I wanna be with this girl long term, uh, like, like if you were dating someone who was stripping, right? And she didn't wanna do it forever, would you tell your parents she's a shipper, would you say,

• 1:13:54Stavros Halkias?

  she's in school right now, you know what I mean, like, if you actually just want your parents to like her, let her get to know her, and if you think your parents might have a problem with it, and she wants to, and she wants to give up on this sometime in the future anyway, and you see this as a long term thing, your parents can find out when, when she settles on the career she wants after this, you know what I mean, like, you don't need to tell them, bro.

• 1:14:16Speaker 03

  Or this is like a major cope and he can tell that she's just not that into him, so he's already like building the case for like, why?

• 1:14:23Stavros Halkias?

  Well, my fucking parents wouldn't have accepted it. A month, it is crazy to think about what you're gonna tell your parents, though, there's something else going on here, so, I guess our actual advice is,

• 1:14:33Speaker 03

  Stop talking to your parents!

• 1:14:35Stavros Halkias?

  Chill the fuck out, yeah, stop worrying about what you're gonna tell your parents at a fucking Carabba's Macaroni Grill in seven months or whatever the fuck, and just enjoy this relationship, and odds are, you might blow it before then with a hot woman who's, who's rich.

• 1:14:50Speaker 03

  Stop talking to your parents!

• 1:14:52Stavros Halkias?

  Amen.

• 1:14:55Speaker 03

  What is this, before I start?

• 1:14:56Stavros Halkias?

  It's a gun, you can fire it.

• 1:14:58Speaker 03

  What is this?

• 1:14:59Stavros Halkias?

  Here.

• 1:15:05Speaker 03

  That's kinda, that's kinda cool.

• 1:15:06Stavros Halkias?

  It is cool. Next question. Next question, Eldis.

• 1:15:09Speaker 04

  Sarah, put that can on the ground, will ya?

• 1:15:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. What?

• 1:15:13Speaker 04

  Put the can on the ground.

• 1:15:15Stavros Halkias?

  Put the gun on the ground?

• 1:15:18Stavros Halkias?

  It's your favorite time of the episode?

• 1:15:20Speaker 03

  No!

• 1:15:27Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit, what the hell? Oh, it's the motherfucking twisted ass question of the motherfucking week. Sponsored by Twisted Tea.

• 1:15:39Stavros Halkias?

  Holy fucking shit. What twisted ass question do you have for us, Eldis?

• 1:15:45Speaker 03

  This is crazy.

• 1:15:49Speaker 03

  He's really paying you so much, it's like insane.

• 1:15:53Stavros Halkias?

  Why, it's a wonderful beverage with 5% alcohol by volume that goes down smooth. Bleep this out. Drinking Twisted Tea is good for you.

• 1:16:01Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah!

• 1:16:05Stavros Halkias?

  Make it say drinking Twisted Tea is good for you, Eldis.

• 1:16:09Speaker 04

  We will, don't worry.

• 1:16:13Speaker 03

  Twisted-ing my words.

• 1:16:15Stavros Halkias?

  Go ahead, play the twisted ass, mother ass, fucking question of the week, Eldis.

• 1:16:19Speaker 07

  Hey, Stavros, uh, I think I got a weird one for you, I'm just curious what you think. Uh, so I've been happily married for five years, been with my wife for over seven and a half. Neither one of us follow any exes or in communication with any of them. However, I have this one ex who still follows me on Instagram. And she was the one who broke up with me, kinda broke my heart, long, long time ago. So my wife definitely hates her, and I'm all for that. Um, so she still follows me on Instagram, and she watches almost all my stories.

• 1:16:50Speaker 03

  Why you looking?

• 1:16:51Speaker 07

  Um, sometimes even likes them. And it got really weird because last summer, my wife and I went to see Taylor Swift in Liverpool. And my ex accidentally liked one of my wife's posts from the show.

• 1:17:05Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 1:17:06Speaker 07

  And then like a half hour, unliked it. So we just found that very strange. And when we looked into it a little bit, we found out that she was not only watching all my stories and like accidentally liking my ex stories from her own bachelorette party. Which was in Disney World, by the way.

• 1:17:21Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck?

• 1:17:22Speaker 07

  Which I didn't even know she was a Disney adult when we dated, so that's a little embarrassing for me. But anyway, um, I know I should probably just block her and just end this thing. But here's the thing, I think my wife kinda gets a kick out of it. Like although we've never talked about it, every time my ex watches one of my stories, my wife and I end up having incredible sex.

• 1:17:44Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:17:45Speaker 07

  Like, not that it's bad, but like the dial is definitely turned up to eleven

• 1:17:49Stavros Halkias?

  Holy fuck.

• 1:17:49Speaker 07

  on days my ex watches one of my stories.

• 1:17:51Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 1:17:52Speaker 07

  So now I'm a little torn. Like, do I just block her and end this nonsense? Or, you know, just let this weird little dynamic, uh, keep playing out? Let me know what you think.

• 1:18:00Speaker 03

  I think it's cool. Yeah. Stop looking at who's watching your stories, by the way. Hey, get off the phone. Get off the phone. Stop looking at this.

• 1:18:09Stavros Halkias?

  Get off the phone, go outside, crack open a delicious twisted tea. Start a living. Keep it twisted.

• 1:18:16Speaker 03

  I like, I'm, when I'm on the computer, I'm looking at shit.

• 1:18:21Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:18:22Speaker 03

  Sometimes let people look at shit. She's gonna look.

• 1:18:25Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I mean, there is funny, it is interesting that his wife has, she's clearly getting off on him being desired by an ex.

• 1:18:33Speaker 03

  Cool.

• 1:18:33Stavros Halkias?

  And it's making her horny, so doesn't sound like you wanna get with this Disney adult. I don't really see any reason to. The only thing I could think of is kinda how elders won't take dick pills or take Pepto.

• 1:18:45Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:18:45Stavros Halkias?

  This is a performance enhancing drug.

• 1:18:47Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:18:47Stavros Halkias?

  Hating your ex.

• 1:18:48Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:18:49Stavros Halkias?

  And eventually this well will run dry. And now will your wife be able to fucking, will she even be able to get that puss wetted up without hatred?

• 1:18:59Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:18:59Stavros Halkias?

  You know, that's the only thing I'm saying. You're playing with a little fire here.

• 1:19:03Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:19:03Stavros Halkias?

  Like, are, next thing you know, does your wife develop some kinda weird cuck fetish?

• 1:19:07Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:19:08Stavros Halkias?

  You know, which could be cool if it means you get to fuck other women, but maybe you're not into that, right? Like, there is something, I'm just saying, it's just a little...

• 1:19:18Stavros Halkias?

  I do think the cleanest thing is block this woman and just move on with your life or just stop talking about it or whatever um or hide her from all your stories you don't even have to block her that would give her some satisfaction I think

• 1:19:30Speaker 03

  She'll find a way

• 1:19:32Stavros Halkias?

  She might find a way but you know That my issue is just that At some point the novelty will be gone And then where and if you're relying on this for the way to have good sex You're playing with fire Cause it's it's really just like

• 1:19:51Stavros Halkias?

  There's some low level like cuckoldry hot wifing some weird shit going on here that Could be cool but it also is just a It's a new element here that you're that you're introducing into your sex life that I would be a little worried about

• 1:20:05Speaker 03

  I also think he's he's obsessed with the ex He's like well she actually broke up with me by the way and like he's looking like why are you looking at who's watching the crap and you guys are like Keeping this you know itemized list of every time you're you're being too vigilant about what she's doing on the computer So I don't think you're being necessarily honest about how into it you kind of are too

• 1:20:31Speaker 04

  Yes that's that's the one big question for me the way he's talking about it's like what are you doing like seeing it and like oh honey look who lucked my story again like you know Is your wife all up in your shit looking at like your story views like are you bringing it up every time like There is something interesting there

• 1:20:48Stavros Halkias?

  And you get this can become a really load bearing thing in your relationship where like thinking about an ex Can be like the one time you guys are bonding over something like we've seen that like there's there's toxic couples who the only time they're happy Is when they're shitting on someone else and their actual they're at whatever actually made them be a couple starts to erode over time and it's filled in with Hate being haters in a fucked up way And I'm not saying that's exactly what's going on here but there's some weird thing here that I think Look you're better off get out of there you don't you don't you're not equipped to find out Do you want to know the root of why you have 11 out of 10 sex every time you bring up an ex

• 1:21:32Stavros Halkias?

  Do you really wanna fucking dig and excavate that? Do you really wanna see what's underneath there? I don't think you do.

• 1:21:39Speaker 03

  Dude, also, maybe she's looking at your shit all the time because she's making fun of you.

• 1:21:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's a possibility.

• 1:21:47Speaker 03

  Like, maybe she's like, "Look at this fugly girlfriend he has," and she accidentally likes it. And she's showing all of her, and it got accidentally liked because she was like, "Look at this fugly bitch." And then she's showing all their friends and she's like, and everyone's like, "Ha, ha, ha, let me see." She's passing the phone around, someone accidentally likes it. It could be like, you don't know.

• 1:22:06Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. But, and that's what I'm saying is like, don't, this doesn't need any further investigation. You don't wanna dig deeper on either side of it. You got a couple cool nights of sex out of it, but you can't start to depend on this. It's gone on too long already.

• 1:22:22Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:22:22Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta block her and move on, because there's just, it's just not, it's just a little fucked up, anyway you slice it.

• 1:22:28Speaker 04

  One, oh, no, go ahead.

• 1:22:30Speaker 03

  What's that crazy sound I'm hearing?

• 1:22:32Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's the bidet cleaning itself.

• 1:22:40Speaker 04

  One detail I really love, he's like, "Yeah, she's a Disney adult, kind of embarrassing to say." Meanwhile, he's like, across the pond at a Taylor Swift concert. It's like, is that really so much worse than like being at a T-Swift show?

• 1:22:53Speaker 03

  She's being like, "I can't believe I dated a Taylor Swift adult."

• 1:22:59Speaker 03

  This is why we shouldn't like, remember when someone would be out of your life and they would disappear forever?

• 1:23:05Stavros Halkias?

  And that's how it should be.

• 1:23:06Speaker 03

  And then you think about them and you're like, "What happened to Michael?"

• 1:23:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you don't see, you don't, you don't see them get like, gain seven pounds every year. Until they die and then see them ha- hugging Goofy. You don't need that, man. Move on, move on.

• 1:23:23Speaker 03

  Get off the phone.

• 1:23:25Stavros Halkias?

  And you know what? If you and your wife really wanna have a nice evening, just kick back with a couple delicious Twisted Ts. And don't forget to keep it twisted.

• 1:23:34Speaker 03

  If you guys want 11 out of 10 sex, light a couple candles, open up porn tube.

• 1:23:40Stavros Halkias?

  Porn tube, shove a can of Twisted Tea in your pussy.

• 1:23:46Speaker 03

  Have a nice night.

• 1:23:47Stavros Halkias?

  Keep it twisted. That's right, keep it real motherfucking twisted. Whoa, shit. Fuck, dude, we're exiting the Twisted T-zone.

• 1:23:56Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 1:23:59Speaker 03

  Shaking my damn head.

• 1:24:03Speaker 03

  Have some dignity.

• 1:24:06Stavros Halkias?

  What are you talking about? I love twisted tea.

• 1:24:09Speaker 03

  It better be like a mill a year.

• 1:24:13Speaker 03

  It better be two.

• 1:24:14Stavros Halkias?

  Next question. Keep it twisted. I hope that would actually be devastating. Fuck. Don't say that.

• 1:24:24Speaker 03

  You're welcome.

• 1:24:26Stavros Halkias?

  We'll bleep that.

• 1:24:28Speaker 03

  So hungry. I can't be held accountable for what I'm saying. Hi, Wendy.

• 1:24:35Speaker 08

  Hello, my beautiful King Sabros.

• 1:24:37Speaker 03

  Shut up.

• 1:24:39Speaker 08

  I was wondering, so when I'm dating,

• 1:24:44Speaker 08

  whenever I am acting, you know, normal,

• 1:24:48Speaker 03

  She's not even listening.

• 1:24:49Speaker 08

  chill, sweet, uh, just like basically not playing games and being a normal person, I feel like that's, like, when guys get disinterested, or when they, like, get it in their head that I'm just, like, fucking obsessed with them,

• 1:25:10Speaker 08

  which is hilarious, given the guys that I've been seeing, um, but whenever I start acting like super distant and kind of toxic and

• 1:25:25Speaker 03

  I like her.

• 1:25:26Speaker 08

  you know, kind of start like fucking around with them and just like, you know, instead of communicating, kind of, I don't know, just playing the fucking bullshit games, that's when they're like, "Yeah, this is my girl. She's the one." Like, they start to get really interested. That's when they're super excited. That's when they want to see me all the time. So,

• 1:25:53Speaker 08

  like, what should I do? Do you guys like to be fucked with a little bit? Um, and should I just kind of?

• 1:26:03Speaker 08

  I don't know, play these stupid games that I hate playing, or do you think that there's someone who has a normal brain who's been to therapy out there who

• 1:26:15Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you know that doesn't mean you have a normal brain.

• 1:26:19Speaker 08

  They normally, um anyways, any advice would be appreciated. Once again, I love you, my beautiful king.

• 1:26:26Speaker 03

  Stop saying that about him. I think it's like, she's like, oh, I'm acting like a crazy B word. And it's like, well, if you're acting like a crazy B word, maybe you are a crazy B word. Like, just be, like, maybe that is you being yourself.

• 1:26:42Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, look, I know what she's talking about. I do feel like it, it feels like if you're like,

• 1:26:48Stavros Halkias?

  uh, but if you're like kind of mean to people or you're like sort of, you withhold, you know, you're like hot and cold. It will, certain people will react to that in a way that's like, oh, I need to like,

• 1:27:01Speaker 03

  You're attracting people you don't want.

• 1:27:03Stavros Halkias?

  But that's exactly it. That's exactly it. It's like, you're attracting people that if that's what they respond to, that's not who, maybe they'll feel that way. And this is coming from a person who's who that has worked on in the past.

• 1:27:14Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:27:14Stavros Halkias?

  Where I'm like, I have to have her. And then the second you get that person, you're like, what the fuck? This sucks, right? Like, all that, that's all fake. That all initial like tricking someone into liking you, that will go away. And you don't want to have the relationship that starts that way because it's, you're starting on fucked up rickety ground. And it's harder for that to, to, to like actually, you know, turn into something meaningful long term. So.

• 1:27:42Speaker 03

  Haven't you ever heard of catching flies with honey?

• 1:27:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. And do guys like, I think, I mean, personally, I would much prefer someone to be straightforward with me. I think, you know, would now, would I have that initial like, damn, I have to fucking, I have to see this girl, whatever. I don't know if it's the same thing, but that's way more, that's not sustainable, that like feeling of, fuck, I, I'll do whatever it takes to get this girl. Cause like, once that happens, you're like, I didn't wanna fucking do that. That was, you know what I mean? It's like-

• 1:28:16Speaker 03

  The people you're gonna attract are gonna be so chaotic and crazy and you're gonna be dealing- What? You still, it's like the mommy daddy issues are gonna be off the chain.

• 1:28:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:28:25Speaker 03

  It's like anyone who's addicted to that much chaos has got some, is gonna be hauling some baggage.

• 1:28:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:28:33Speaker 03

  Baggage.

• 1:28:34Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 1:28:35Speaker 04

  I do think people need to like reframe when they're like, oh, I hate playing games when dating. I just like to be open and non this, like off the jump like, you know, when you start dating someone, there always is a level of like, playing games in a way like you're just following certain, you know, mating rituals or whatever like, you know, the same way you don't wanna like attract someone by being too like, withholding, like you also don't wanna be like way too upfront with someone who you don't really know, who you've just been on like a few dates with. So it's like, yeah, that's just like a normal thing, like, you know, sure, wait, you know, wait a few hours to respond to a guy's texts that you went on like, one or two dates with or whatever like-

• 1:29:18Speaker 03

  Don't listen to them.

• 1:29:19Speaker 04

  There's a certain like level where you like do just have to like, do that shit.

• 1:29:24Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:29:24Stavros Halkias?

  I think, I think, I do think you're right in that you should keep some kind of like, um, yes, there's like a, it's like a series of interviews. Look at the first few dates as a series of interviews before you really, you know, uh, open up fully and are really completely who you are. You don't have to do that at the first, you know, time you get a happy hour drink or whatever. Um, and I do think you also get to know each other a little more. And you'll get to, you know, you'll start to communicate a little, you'll figure out what your rhythms of communication are, whatever, but, yeah, I wouldn't come on too strong at first either. You do have to withhold a little bit of yourself.

• 1:30:03Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:30:03Stavros Halkias?

  Not in a way that's like to trick them. You fucking, what, what, you went on like one date-

• 1:30:08Speaker 03

  Walking to the date.

• 1:30:09Stavros Halkias?

  Fifteen years ago and you've been, you're married essentially.

• 1:30:11Speaker 03

  I said, hello, my name's Sarah. My stomach hurts. I'm tired.

• 1:30:17Speaker 03

  I love you. You're beautiful.

• 1:30:22Speaker 03

  I'm ordering the sesame chicken. We're all getting diet coke.

• 1:30:27Stavros Halkias?

  You've literally just been in one relationship, right?

• 1:30:29Speaker 03

  Like, for the past, I can't even say how many years, because then people will realize I'm not eating.

• 1:30:37Speaker 03

  But I did, by the way, I did get him to date me, because I went, "You, we're dating." And he was like, "Okay."

• 1:30:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:47Speaker 03

  But I get that that's like, you know.

• 1:30:49Stavros Halkias?

  That was the first date? You did that on the first date?

• 1:30:52Speaker 03

  No, I begged him to date me. And he was like, "Okay, I have a girlfriend." And I was like, "Okay, I'll keep my eye out for you."

• 1:31:01Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, interesting. So you sort of just marked him as, and then once they broke up?

• 1:31:06Speaker 03

  I put the blow dart in the...

• 1:31:07Stavros Halkias?

  You tagged him and let him back into the wild?

• 1:31:11Speaker 03

  I said, "You have fun out there."

• 1:31:15Speaker 03

  You'll come crawling back.

• 1:31:19Stavros Halkias?

  This was what, a decade ago?

• 1:31:21Speaker 03

  I can't even, how old do I look?

• 1:31:25Stavros Halkias?

  You've already said you were thirty, what did you say, thirty-two, thirty-four?

• 1:31:29Speaker 03

  Four!

• 1:31:29Stavros Halkias?

  You said, you just said the number.

• 1:31:32Speaker 04

  Probably just Google it.

• 1:31:37Speaker 03

  We've been dating over a decade.

• 1:31:38Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:31:39Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, no! What is that?

• 1:31:43Stavros Halkias?

  It's right there, bro.

• 1:31:44Speaker 03

  What is that? What is that picture?

• 1:31:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's a tough picture to be your number one picture. That sucks. Even for you, that's a bad picture.

• 1:31:54Speaker 03

  Oh my god, oh my god, wait, wait, wait, I know this picture. This is, that was, um, do you know how outside the, the helium Philly, there's like paparazzi? Because they think, like, it's like, they don't get, they think it's gonna be like Shane.

• 1:32:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:07Speaker 03

  And then, "They fucking got me, I'm holding a hoagie."

• 1:32:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, you look horrible in that picture.

• 1:32:12Speaker 03

  That's great.

• 1:32:14Stavros Halkias?

  I do...

• 1:32:17Stavros Halkias?

  Go, X out, go to the other page and X out of it, Eldis. No, no, no, no, no. X out, no, fucking idiot. Yes, X out of that.

• 1:32:24Speaker 03

  Terrible.

• 1:32:24Stavros Halkias?

  The third picture is literally one we were joking about, where it's like, they just have, yeah?

• 1:32:29Speaker 03

  Seronormal.

• 1:32:30Stavros Halkias?

  Seronormal.

• 1:32:31Speaker 03

  Serosexual.

• 1:32:32Stavros Halkias?

  Serosex.

• 1:32:33Speaker 03

  Too small, you can't even see it.

• 1:32:36Speaker 03

  That.

• 1:32:39Speaker 03

  It doesn't, you know what? It doesn't even look that good to me.

• 1:32:41Stavros Halkias?

  No, that one doesn't, cuz it's, you know, it's basically just you with a wig.

• 1:32:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:46Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, that's a good, that's an actual good picture of you, though, too. Do you wanna? What's the other one? What's the one above it?

• 1:32:53Speaker 03

  I don't, I'm looking quite ghostly and pale. Ooh, ooh, ooh, two pear shaped, two pear shaped. Fat, fat legs.

• 1:32:58Stavros Halkias?

  Are you out of your fucking mind? We didn't need that zoom, Eldis. I guess nevermind, I take it back. From a forest.

• 1:33:08Speaker 03

  You know what's funny? It is this thing.

• 1:33:10Stavros Halkias?

  Two pear shaped is crazy, by the way.

• 1:33:11Speaker 03

  That's right. I don't, that looks crazy.

• 1:33:13Stavros Halkias?

  You weigh like seventy-two pounds.

• 1:33:15Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:33:17Speaker 03

  The, the, the like, cuz you, you know, for, you know, you have to do these like red carpet photos sometimes. And this is where they don't fucking tell you. People like train how they look like.

• 1:33:30Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:33:31Speaker 03

  Like, I'm just, I was like.

• 1:33:32Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, you see video people and they're like.

• 1:33:35Stavros Halkias?

  And they just have like a way they do it and it looks so fucked up.

• 1:33:38Speaker 03

  But then in the pictures, it looks amazing.

• 1:33:40Stavros Halkias?

  The pictures, they look amazing, but regular person's like.

• 1:33:43Speaker 03

  Because you're like, oh, I'm smiling.

• 1:33:45Stavros Halkias?

  This was a nice smile in person.

• 1:33:47Speaker 03

  No, I was like, I, it was the New Year's Eve thing.

• 1:33:50Stavros Halkias?

  Miley's New Year's Eve party.

• 1:33:51Speaker 03

  I was happy cuz I got to go to Miami for a job and I'm smiling cuz I'm happy. And apparently that looks insane. Well, you better get your red carpet poses ready, stop.

• 1:34:02Stavros Halkias?

  I guess that's true.

• 1:34:03Speaker 03

  You better.

• 1:34:04Stavros Halkias?

  I gotta learn how to do that.

• 1:34:05Speaker 03

  Come on, let's see it.

• 1:34:09Speaker 03

  I'm not getting to that.

• 1:34:10Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna be smizing. Alright, what else we got, Eldis?

• 1:34:15Speaker 03

  You're laughing at it.

• 1:34:16Stavros Halkias?

  That picture's so tough.

• 1:34:18Speaker 03

  I have a hoagie.

• 1:34:20Stavros Halkias?

  The hoagie's, what kinda hoagie was it?

• 1:34:21Speaker 03

  Vegan.

• 1:34:23Stavros Halkias?

  Nah, keep going, Eldis.

• 1:34:24Speaker 03

  It's got like cannellini beans and broccoli wrap. There's this place in Philly. It's under a bridge. It's, every time I go to Philly, I get this vegan haggy.

• 1:34:34Stavros Halkias?

  Get a damn haggy?

• 1:34:35Speaker 03

  Get a haggy.

• 1:34:36Stavros Halkias?

  Vegan's crazy. You can't get a vegan hoagie.

• 1:34:38Speaker 03

  What, what am I supposed to do, dude? What do you want?

• 1:34:41Stavros Halkias?

  Get meat with no cheese.

• 1:34:45Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't even, you didn't even consider that?

• 1:34:49Speaker 03

  You know what, Stu, you're not all bad and stupid. You know.

• 1:34:54Stavros Halkias?

  Even the beans with some meat sounds good. Anyway, play the next question.

• 1:34:57Speaker 03

  Dude, a big fat cannellini bean?

• 1:34:59Stavros Halkias?

  I like the.

• 1:35:00Speaker 09

  I got a tough one for you.

• 1:35:01Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:35:02Speaker 09

  Thirty-eight, been married thirteen years, couple kids.

• 1:35:05Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:35:06Speaker 09

  Couple months ago, my wife's acting a little suspect with her phone.

• 1:35:10Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:35:11Speaker 09

  So, I start to monitor text messages.

• 1:35:14Speaker 03

  Let's go.

• 1:35:14Speaker 09

  And come to the realization that she has been having an affair.

• 1:35:18Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:35:18Speaker 09

  A coworker for hers. Uh, completely caught me off guard, totally devastated. Uh, so I started divorce proceedings.

• 1:35:26Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:35:27Speaker 09

  And, you know, over the past couple weeks, I've softened a little bit. I, I love her very much. Um, I think you made a mistake, but I'm laying down some conditions of what she needs to do to make this work. And.

• 1:35:40Speaker 03

  Relax.

• 1:35:41Speaker 09

  Who are the conditions I laid out where I get a hall pass?

• 1:35:44Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 1:35:44Speaker 09

  And we have a threesome.

• 1:35:45Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no, dude. Hold on, man.

• 1:35:51Speaker 03

  He's talking too.

• 1:35:51Speaker 03

  Keep it twisted.

• 1:35:53Stavros Halkias?

  I know, you're keeping it too motherfucking twisted, dude.

• 1:35:57Speaker 03

  He, can you scrub back like two seconds? Cause the tone of his voice is like sending a chill up my spine.

• 1:36:03Speaker 09

  And we have a threesome. Those were not well received, especially the hall pass. And I've kind of backpedaled on that. I don't want to hurt her, do the same thing that she did to me. I don't want to make her feel that way.

• 1:36:16Stavros Halkias?

  What are they talking about, man?

• 1:36:17Speaker 09

  But I feel like the threesome is still justified. Like, I think this would help me get some power back in the relationship, help kind of heal my masculinity after going through all this. So I guess my question for you is, am I justified in asking for this? And how can I help her understand that this would be a healing threesome from my perspective?

• 1:36:41Stavros Halkias?

  Shut the fuck up, dude.

• 1:36:43Speaker 03

  It's not gonna heal your masculinity when you have a third party witness to see that you're bad at sex.

• 1:36:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I know. She's gonna be reluctantly fucking this girl with you. The vibes are gonna be so off, dude.

• 1:36:57Speaker 04

  He's like, I'll forgive you if I can cream pie another girl while I donkey punch you in the back of the head.

• 1:37:03Stavros Halkias?

  We're square. Also, it's so funny. He's like, he's so fucked. He's like, well, that wasn't very well received. Like, he's a loo- he got cucked and he's now somehow barged himself into a position of weakness. He overa- he, you had all the cards and now she's like, no, like you made her be like, what?

• 1:37:22Speaker 03

  You grossed her out, dude.

• 1:37:24Stavros Halkias?

  So, look, man.

• 1:37:26Stavros Halkias?

  Look, there's no taking anything back. There's no nothing. There's, there is a, like, and look, I've, I haven't dealt with this, but I've definitely gotten to the point in my life where-

• 1:37:35Speaker 03

  I haven't dealt with this, I would never be fucking cheated on.

• 1:37:38Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I just haven't been in a relationship long enough. There's been, there's been girls who have hurt my feelings, but they weren't my girlfriend. Um, I think like, if, when you do, and like, I don't know, the older I get, the more I do realize, like, yes, people do make mistakes. I used to think it was crazy when people would like, let, you know, stay together after somebody cheated, but you grow up and you realize that's not everything. People can make mistakes, whatever. Now, if you're still gonna feel less than if you don't get to fuck another woman and your wife isn't gonna let you, which by the way, you ask for, somebody cheats on you, you're like, alright, well, I get to fuck somebody else.

• 1:38:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's not that crazy to me, if I'm being completely honest. That's really not an insane thing to ask for. I don't know why you think the thr- I think if anything, the hall pass is more justified than the threesome. The threesome is weird, because now you're bringing her into this, like, e- you fucked up little game of sexual tit for tat that you're trying to play here.

• 1:38:38Speaker 03

  A forced threesome, like a vengeful threesome is so odd.

• 1:38:44Stavros Halkias?

  Are you even gonna have a good time? She's just like-

• 1:38:48Speaker 03

  Well, who would have a good time in a situation like that? It's against Christ. It's disgusting.

• 1:38:54Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's pretty, it's pretty cool.

• 1:38:56Speaker 03

  It's private.

• 1:38:57Stavros Halkias?

  It's pretty cool to fuck a hot girl and a different hot girl's looking at it. That's pretty cool.

• 1:39:01Speaker 03

  It's, I don't know, I don't like-

• 1:39:03Stavros Halkias?

  What is your old, do you have a fantasy?

• 1:39:05Speaker 03

  Of what happens on a tour bus.

• 1:39:07Stavros Halkias?

  There nothing happened on the tour bus. I'm a gentleman and stayed in the hotel room.

• 1:39:13Speaker 03

  No, but I, the, the, if you listen to the tone of his voice, he's like, very angry.

• 1:39:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, he is.

• 1:39:19Speaker 03

  And it's like, I understand that there is something too erotic about like, angry revenge sex, but like, forceful angry reluctant revenge sex is so, what do you think is gonna happen?

• 1:39:32Stavros Halkias?

  Well, also the thing here is like, dude, you just haven't had time to process this at all. Like, he went right, he found out, he was immediately hurt, he went to, we're getting a divorce, then he realized, maybe I don't want to, and...

• 1:39:46Speaker 03

  Well, cuz he's leveraging it.

• 1:39:47Stavros Halkias?

  Well, but, but that's, I don't think, I just think he's out of control. I think he needed to land on what he actually wanted. He went from, fuck you, get the fuck out, to like, maybe we should fuck a girl together, that'll help. You know what I mean? Like, he's just vacillating back and forth to, you don't even know what you want, and now, you kinda fucked up because you're trying, you started, you started the negotiations when you're not ready to actually think about what you want. I don't think you even know what you want. If you really search your feelings, do you think this will heal, a threesome will heal your masculinity? And then, by the way, is begging your wife who just fucked another guy to fuck a girl with you, that's a masculine thing to do to you?

• 1:40:31Speaker 03

  Go to a hockey game.

• 1:40:32Stavros Halkias?

  Being like, please, please, please, please, please, can I get pussy with you? That's masculine to you.

• 1:40:37Speaker 03

  People are like, so messed up.

• 1:40:40Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, look, at the end of the, he got cucked, that's tough, I'm on his side. And what you need, but you just need to be honest with what you want. I don't think it's crazy to be like, I should, you should get a hall pass. By the way, who are you even gonna fuck? What, what are you, some kind of Romeo? Has there been some girl that's trying to fuck you? And who's this person you're gonna have a threesome with?

• 1:41:00Speaker 03

  Well, hall pass kind of... To me signals that that person doesn't exist yet.

• 1:41:07Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 1:41:07Speaker 03

  Like, is it a hall pass like your dream?

• 1:41:11Stavros Halkias?

  You're allowed one fuck in the, one possible fuck in the future kinda thing.

• 1:41:15Speaker 03

  I thought it was like aspirational.

• 1:41:18Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think he means it like that. I think he just means like, yeah, you can get a nut off with someone else, yeah. Which, by the way, I don't think is crazy.

• 1:41:27Speaker 03

  No, but I don't think.

• 1:41:27Stavros Halkias?

  He kinda gave her a hall pass and I don't think it's healthy, but in terms of, if we're talking about pure negotiations, it's not insane to be like, hey, you fuck someone, I'm willing to let this go, but if this comes up for me, you have to let it go for me.

• 1:41:40Speaker 03

  But I wonder if she had a bad taste in her mouth because it was also a threesome.

• 1:41:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you might have over asked. You over, you overextended yourself, man. You were in an ultimate position of power and you somehow, somehow over asked and got to agree and then.

• 1:41:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, you got.

• 1:41:56Stavros Halkias?

  Clearly folded immediately.

• 1:41:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:41:58Stavros Halkias?

  He's still gonna be like, whatever. Okay, then fuck you. Let's, we should separate and who knows? But that's part of the problem. The way these negotiations have gone, clearly your life has gone. You're not in control. He went to wrath fold way too fast. He went to wrath without having the ability to do it. He's like the Andy from Toy Story, like frying ants under the magnifying glass of like pussy, of like revenge pussy. He just does, but he doesn't have an enemy. He didn't stick with it.

• 1:42:25Speaker 03

  Maybe there's a reason that she cheated because he's kind of, he seems kind of scary.

• 1:42:32Stavros Halkias?

  You think he's scared? I think he's actually too much of a pushover is what it sounds like, it sounds like to me. And I think what you're, what you're hearing, what you're picking up on is the fact that he's still not over this.

• 1:42:42Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:42:42Stavros Halkias?

  He still feels very hurt and now he's just, he is in like the, he wants there to be a, a solution. Cause really he's still sad that his beautiful marriage has been taken from him.

• 1:42:53Speaker 03

  You know what is actually striking fear within my heart? It's like him angrily, um, blaming his cheating wife for his like wounded masculinity. And then the wounded masculinity thing is like, he's still, the only way he can get his masculinity back. Instead of like going to the gym or like getting a hot dog is like somehow still tied to other people. You know what I'm saying?

• 1:43:22Speaker 04

  I disagree. I think when he said that, he sounds like a dick. He makes it very hard to sympathize with him, which is challenging for like a man who's just been cucked. But I think like that was a little-

• 1:43:32Stavros Halkias?

  I think he's overcompensating.

• 1:43:33Speaker 04

  I think that was like a little glimmer of truth though, because like, you know, it sounds kind of vengeful, but like, the fact that he could actually like articulate that, yes, it is ultimately like, he wants revenge because his masculinity has been wounded.

• 1:43:47Stavros Halkias?

  You hurt me, I need to hurt you.

• 1:43:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, the fact that he can actually say that is like-

• 1:43:51Speaker 03

  I guess so.

• 1:43:52Speaker 04

  That made me think like, okay, at least he's not like, you know, at least he's not just like pussy crazed in his head or like just thinking about this threesome, but can like put some logic to like, why he's pushing out these like crazy terms.

• 1:44:05Speaker 03

  Wow, frat, yeah.

• 1:44:06Speaker 04

  I think he like needs to like, I mean, you know, a start is like exploring that and talking about that with her and maybe a couples therapist or some shit before you even talk about some revenge, revenge sex.

• 1:44:19Stavros Halkias?

  I just think it's-

• 1:44:21Speaker 03

  Well, it must be so hard what you guys go through with this masculinity.

• 1:44:27Stavros Halkias?

  This wouldn't be hard for me. I would just be like, hit the bricks, bit. No, I would just cheat back, actually. I would just, honestly, what I would do is pretend nothing was wrong and then just cheat viciously for the rest of my life. And that wouldn't be good either.

• 1:44:39Speaker 03

  It works for many people.

• 1:44:41Stavros Halkias?

  It really does.

• 1:44:43Speaker 03

  I, I heard, I mean, who knows? Haven't you heard that like statistic that it's like one in every two people cheat? It's like, many.

• 1:44:51Stavros Halkias?

  It is insane.

• 1:44:52Speaker 03

  Is that true?

• 1:44:54Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know.

• 1:44:55Speaker 03

  I think it's people don't have too much time.

• 1:44:58Stavros Halkias?

  I think over the course of time, maybe people might just like, you know, randomly fuck. So I think it is possible.

• 1:45:07Stavros Halkias?

  But I always think a lot of relationships aren't good. You know what I mean? Like so many of them are just bad. And what does that mean? You cheat once? Are you counted in that statistic forever? Is it like, one out of every relationship, someone has cheated on one out of every two? Or is it like, if somebody cheats on someone like, you know, in their twenties, does that- Are they marked for life? You know what I'm saying?

• 1:45:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like she cheated whatever it's fine, get over it.

• 1:45:30Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, if the, I, I don't know. I mean, for this guy.

• 1:45:33Speaker 04

  I think the way he should think about is like, talk, you know, they need to like, talk to each other a lot first and he needs to like, decide. You can't, you can't like, wring, wring like, a hall pass from her hands. You need her to come with it to you out of guilt after you've done a lot of emotional discussion. And then it's a little different. You know what I mean?

• 1:45:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, I don't know.

• 1:45:55Speaker 03

  You know what would be funny too, like, to find out like, okay, your partner just cheated on you? And then immediately they're like, okay, then I get to like, fuck this person. And if they already had someone in the back of their mind, like, kind of stored away.

• 1:46:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:46:08Speaker 03

  Being like, you know what I mean?

• 1:46:10Stavros Halkias?

  What the hell?

• 1:46:11Speaker 03

  I'd be interested. Like, oh, it's that person the whole time that you were kind of.

• 1:46:14Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:46:15Speaker 03

  Storing back there.

• 1:46:16Stavros Halkias?

  But you, but you've already cheated, so you have no, it is funny, because then the person who cheated can't even be mad.

• 1:46:23Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:46:23Stavros Halkias?

  That they've had someone that they've wanted to fuck, but not acted on it the whole time. But I don't know, I just think he's out of controlling, doesn't even know what he wants. That's really my read on the situation, is that he's so.

• 1:46:33Speaker 03

  Get real.

• 1:46:34Stavros Halkias?

  He's like, so wounded, he can't, he doesn't know what he wants, like, he hasn't even thought through the threesome. He asked for a hall pass and was rebuffed and immediately folded, like.

• 1:46:44Speaker 03

  He sounds like dehydrated, honestly.

• 1:46:46Stavros Halkias?

  Probably, he's probably go, I mean, he's going through it, he just got fucking cheated on. And by the way, how can you trust your fucking partner at? Like, that's the hard thing. You have so much more to worry about than you getting pussy. Like, do you even, do you trust her? Like, can you trust this person? You have to build that back up. And I do, but I do still at the same time think, if he thinks getting pussy would help him, he got cucked. He got cucked, he kind, he, she does owe him one. And I know it's stupid to think of it that way, but it's like, sometimes people are fucking stupid, man. And that might be what it takes to set it, to set it straight. In addition to talking everything out, whatever, whatever.

• 1:47:25Speaker 04

  I guess, I guess the problem with that is like. I don't know, you don't wanna, it's like if you're gonna forgive her for cheating, you have to forgive her.

• 1:47:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:47:34Speaker 04

  You can't make it conditional on like getting pussy, you know? And it's like,

• 1:47:38Speaker 03

  That's amazing.

• 1:47:38Speaker 04

  It's like you're, and it's like, you know, he's asking for it, cuz he wants to like twist a knife in her or whatever. Which I know is crazy, he got cheated on whatever, but it's like, what if she came to you and was like, you could just get a hall pass and then we're square? Would that make you feel good if like it was her idea? She came to you with it, like would you even wanna do it then? Or are you just being like spiteful, like asking for it to?

• 1:48:04Stavros Halkias?

  Let me ask you this, even if he's being spiteful, but it would make him feel like, it would set things right. Maybe he is the kind of idiot, who's like, you hurt me, I should get to hurt you, and it just goes back to normal. Now, will that relationship work? Probably not. Odds are, it's doomed anyway. Like, let's be honest here, it's like once somebody cheats, some people can get over it, but,

• 1:48:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:48:27Stavros Halkias?

  Usually they get over it cuz like of other factors, cuz they're like, we've built a life together, what, you know what I mean, like?

• 1:48:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:48:32Speaker 03

  Also, I think it would be weird if she was just like, yes. Like kind of on, blinkingly, you know what I mean?

• 1:48:40Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think it'd be weird. You cheat, she cheated on him. Like that's, at the end of the day.

• 1:48:44Speaker 03

  Well, maybe she cheated on him with like, Jon Hamm.

• 1:48:49Stavros Halkias?

  It's a coworker.

• 1:48:51Speaker 03

  She works at Apple TV.

• 1:48:56Stavros Halkias?

  So,

• 1:48:58Speaker 04

  It's up, it is, it just feels like eye for an eye for me. It's like you have to,

• 1:49:03Stavros Halkias?

  I know what you mean, but what, uh, then what's the, what's the other, what's the other solution?

• 1:49:08Speaker 04

  I know, that's the hard part.

• 1:49:10Stavros Halkias?

  True forgiveness?

• 1:49:12Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:49:12Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not capable of that. Is he capable of that?

• 1:49:16Speaker 04

  I don't know. I just don't know if like, if he got the hall pass and used it, he would feel better.

• 1:49:21Stavros Halkias?

  He might not, but only one way to find out.

• 1:49:24Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 1:49:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, look.

• 1:49:27Speaker 03

  I know, I, I.

• 1:49:28Stavros Halkias?

  Ultimately, they should probably be separated for a little bit.

• 1:49:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. There's two kids, stop.

• 1:49:33Stavros Halkias?

  Two kids, yeah, they gotta figure it out, you're right. But he, he has to figure out what he actually wants, I think.

• 1:49:38Speaker 03

  You know what, this is breeder shit.

• 1:49:40Stavros Halkias?

  You're fucking straight.

• 1:49:41Speaker 03

  This is breeder shit.

• 1:49:44Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna pop that little mutant gremlins out of my perfect hole.

• 1:49:50Stavros Halkias?

  No kids for you?

• 1:49:52Speaker 03

  Gross. Can you imagine me pregnant?

• 1:49:57Speaker 03

  My stomach hurts, my back hurts, I'm hungry.

• 1:50:00Stavros Halkias?

  Your kids come out like the, like aliens, just. Xenomorph?

• 1:50:07Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, okay, well, good luck. I don't know if we even answered his fucking question, but whatever, fuck him.

• 1:50:13Speaker 03

  I'm hungry.

• 1:50:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm kinda hungry too. I could get something to eat.

• 1:50:21Stavros Halkias?

  I could definitely get something to eat.

• 1:50:22Speaker 03

  I can never convince you guys to eat with me after.

• 1:50:25Stavros Halkias?

  We can get something.

• 1:50:28Speaker 00

  This podcast is supported by Nurtac ODT, Remedy Pant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time, and throws everything off. So, when migraine takes your time, take Nurtac. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults. Nurtac can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nurtac is right for you, because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nurtac ODT. Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or throat. High blood pressure and Raynaud's syndrome can occur.

• 1:51:10Speaker 00

  Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain, or color changes in fingers and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-833-4-NURTC or visit Nurtac.com. All right, back to your podcast, playlist, or whatever's keeping you going today.

• 1:51:28Speaker 10

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• 1:51:57Speaker 11

  What's up, Stab? What's up, Eldis? All right, I just snitched super hard on a motherfucker.

• 1:52:03Stavros Halkias?

  Snitched?

• 1:52:04Speaker 11

  And I'm a little nervous about it. Ah, that thing is actually 911 going saying, "Hey, thanks for reporting to us." God damn it, probably didn't hear it. Anyway, so there's this homeless guy. Oh, no. Who lives at my park. He like lives in his car and he's got a dog and I let him live with me for two weeks. Oh. Because it's summer and I live in... Okay. Well, shit, I shouldn't say that. Fuck, I heard he's too much info on the snitch. Anyway, the point is I let this guy stay with me. Turns out he's crazy, like not fun crazy, like scary, I've got a lot of guns and I'll kill a motherfucker crazy. So I kicked him out.

• 1:52:48Speaker 11

  Anyway, I thought, you know, I'd never see him again. He's back at the park. And tonight I called the cops and snitched on him. And I'm not sure if I did the right thing. I didn't snitch on him for being homeless, I snitched on him for having a fuckload of guns and basically, you know, he wants to kill a cop. And, you know, I, I'm sorry, I'm all fucking manic. I just, I don't know, man. Did I do the right thing? Am I being stupid?

• 1:53:15Stavros Halkias?

  You know, first of all, Stab, he doesn't care that he wants to kill a cop. You're just scared. So let's, now you're Mr. Blue Lives Matt. You're, you were a guy that let a homeless guy live with you two weeks ago, now you're fucking back, now you're Mr. Back the Blue. You're just scared, let's start there.

• 1:53:29Speaker 04

  Who knows, considering where he's from, maybe he does care.

• 1:53:32Stavros Halkias?

  That is true. He respects the police.

• 1:53:35Speaker 11

  I'm all fucking manic. I just, uh, I don't know, man. Did I do the right thing? Am I being stupid? Is this guy gonna come and, uh, find me? Or am I right to not worry about, you know, some guy who fucking lives in his car tracking me down and getting vengeance for snitching on him? I mean, I assume I did the right thing. Um, the guy specifically, the reason I bitched on him is because he was gonna get arrested sooner than later. Like, he's obviously got warrants. He told me he had two last names, and I'm like, well, which one is it?

• 1:54:08Stavros Halkias?

  It's insane you let this person live in your house.

• 1:54:10Speaker 11

  I don't know, stop. Did I do the right thing? Tell me, Elvis, tell me, guess. Am I a snitch in a bad way, or did I do the right thing? I probably haven't given you too much info, or haven't given you enough. This is probably, anyway, I'm gonna go, I'm outta time.

• 1:54:24Speaker 03

  Not to go all DSA on your ass, but I wish I could go back in time and give you some literature about de-escalation tactics. That you could call mental health services, but I wonder if they have how readily available that is. That could have happened before he lived.

• 1:54:42Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, here's the thing. The moment you decide you're gonna be Mr. Charity, that's the weird thing, man. It's like, look.

• 1:54:49Speaker 03

  I kinda respect it, though.

• 1:54:51Stavros Halkias?

  It's, that's way, he skipped so many steps.

• 1:54:54Speaker 03

  He did skip so many steps, and he was being...

• 1:54:57Stavros Halkias?

  If you find a guy that you know, right, you find a guy who's homeless around your neighborhood, and you strike up a, you know, relationship with him, whatever, and you, and clearly, you're the kind of person who does wanna go out of their way to help them. What you said makes so much more sense. Can we get him some, into some programs? Can we get him into some help with like a, you know, something?

• 1:55:15Speaker 03

  But I will, the prob... Okay, woke is back, I'm gonna say it. The problem in the, in our country is that it's not readily available information, so I appreciate, maybe he doesn't know about like interventionist, like, mental health service, you know, it's, so, I appreciate that before he called the, he wanted a help, he didn't know how, so he let the guy sleep in his house, and that kind of stuff happens when you don't have access to things that like, we know about in libtarded Brooklyn.

• 1:55:45Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 1:55:46Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? So it's like, I get it, and I just feel like so bad for this guy.

• 1:55:50Stavros Halkias?

  I do feel bad for him because like, look, he was trying to do a good thing. The problem is, you just don't know this guy at all. Like, it's not even that you got to know him, it was like... Yeah, like, like, obviously homeless is a big problem. That doesn't mean you could just let a stranger, whether they have a house or they don't, sleep at your fucking house. Like, that's just, to me, that's a wild fucking move, right?

• 1:56:15Speaker 04

  I feel like you just watched Pay It Forward when they bring Jim Caviezel home and let him shower and shave and shit.

• 1:56:21Stavros Halkias?

  Now, you're getting all freaked out, whatever, like, oh, you kicked him out of your house? Did you do the right thing? I mean, we're past morality here. This is about like, did you feel like you were in actual danger? Or did you just see him again, you're like, time to call the cops?

• 1:56:40Speaker 03

  He sounded like he had a Mandalay Bay arsenal.

• 1:56:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, where even are these guns?

• 1:56:47Speaker 04

  I know, he, I think he, I think the caller sounds like, kind of like, a worrywart little bitch, because it's like, yeah. Maybe he has a car. Did you see any guns in the car? Or is this guy just crazy? He's like, yeah, I have two names, and I have a lot of guns in my car.

• 1:57:03Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna kill some cops. It's like, okay.

• 1:57:05Speaker 04

  It's like, he's probably just like, kind of a crazy, I don't even wanna say crazy, mentally unhealthy, like homeless guy, and, you know. And just take him back to the park. He's probably not gonna like, Cape Fear your ass, like, looking in through your window and shit, like, I don't think you need to worry about that.

• 1:57:24Speaker 03

  He scared himself, cuz he brought him into his house without having any boundary or whatever, and so now, he's like scaring himself, we're like, no one's gonna hurt you.

• 1:57:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I don't think so. I mean, ironically, maybe calling the cops might start to Cape Fear. If you would just let him go, you probably would be, now he's like, who called the cops on me? Like, what if this guy knocks on your door, he's like, somebody called the cops on me? Are you a good enough actor to pretend that wasn't you? By calling the cops? He probably won't. I don't know.

• 1:57:55Speaker 03

  Do the cops?

• 1:57:56Stavros Halkias?

  The cops won't tell you who snitched.

• 1:57:57Speaker 03

  I don't, I mean, they don't, well, you, you, you don't think they're gonna be, that's like putting too much faith in a bunch of like dumb cops.

• 1:58:05Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah, what did they even do to him, though? That's my other question, is like, what did you snitch on him for? Having guns, is that what you said?

• 1:58:13Speaker 04

  It's like, they just release him from booking.

• 1:58:15Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, like, what did he even do?

• 1:58:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:58:18Stavros Halkias?

  So this is a weird situation. Weird you let him sleep in your house, right? Kind of fucking crazy.

• 1:58:26Speaker 04

  I get, I get his worry a little bit, cause it's like, yeah.

• 1:58:29Stavros Halkias?

  Of course I get the worry.

• 1:58:30Speaker 04

  Now he did this, it's like scary when this guy is fully out of your sight and you don't know when or if he's gonna pop up.

• 1:58:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and he knows where you live.

• 1:58:38Speaker 04

  You need like six to 12 months of complete no contact, no seeing this guy to just like feel a little bit at ease.

• 1:58:45Stavros Halkias?

  It's like how even I had bedbugs when I first moved here, I sublet a place and for three years afterwards, I'd be like,

• 1:58:53Stavros Halkias?

  like, I'm sorry, that's just what's gonna happen to you. You're gonna be looking over, over your shoulder for the next three years. And that's the roll of the dice where you let any stranger, homeless or not, if you let any stranger into your house for two weeks and they turn out to be fucking vi- weird and violent, you're gonna be worried about that until you move or it's been like years later.

• 1:59:15Speaker 03

  But maybe they like struck up a friendship.

• 1:59:18Speaker 04

  It's possible, yeah.

• 1:59:19Speaker 03

  And so he was like, and then he was like, oh, like you're my boy coming with me.

• 1:59:23Stavros Halkias?

  I still think there are steps before living.

• 1:59:25Speaker 03

  I know, he definitely put his pussy where his mouth is, also.

• 1:59:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he did.

• 1:59:29Speaker 03

  Everyone out there being like, I'm gonna change the world, put your money where your mouth is.

• 1:59:33Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:59:34Speaker 03

  Open up your house.

• 1:59:35Stavros Halkias?

  I would say, again, see if you can get some support services first.

• 1:59:39Speaker 03

  Open up your house.

• 1:59:40Stavros Halkias?

  Take, go, give, maybe open up your car and drive them somewhere.

• 1:59:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, maybe he did that.

• 1:59:46Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe he did. We don't know, we don't know everything.

• 1:59:49Speaker 03

  It's quite interesting. This is a quite interesting phone call. It's better than like, my wife is a bitch.

• 1:59:58Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah dude, I don't know, I mean, now, the funny thing is, all he's asking us is for absolution, which we cannot give you. This guy might get fucked in jail, I don't know what to tell you.

• 2:00:09Speaker 03

  Rob, you're my king. What, please?

• 2:00:13Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but yeah, man, just, uh, good luck. I don't know what the fuck to tell you.

• 2:00:19Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 2:00:20Stavros Halkias?

  That is nuts. You got something fun for us, little eldest?

• 2:00:26Speaker 12

  Hey Stav, hey Aldous, hey guest.

• 2:00:28Speaker 03

  Hey Sarah.

• 2:00:29Speaker 12

  Longtime listener, first time caller.

• 2:00:30Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:00:30Speaker 12

  Kinda had a funny question to weigh in on.

• 2:00:32Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 2:00:33Speaker 12

  I'm from an area, there's a decent amount of Albanians here.

• 2:00:36Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 2:00:37Speaker 12

  I'm an Irish-American. One day I showed up, I was looking a little pink. I guess I'm Bernese. And the Albanian, he was very adamant and swore that if I cover myself in Greek yogurt

• 2:00:50Speaker 03

  No.

• 2:00:50Speaker 12

  and then go to sleep, the next day I'll feel like amazing, like great. It's like better than aloe, it's better than whatever after sun treatment you can buy. Um, so my question is, is this legit? I know, Stav, you know a lot about the Greek yogurt element. Uh, Aldous, you might know this trick. Um, or is this sort of a multi-centuries-old prank the Greeks have done to the Albanians? And convinced them that, uh, to buy their, convince them to buy their product, uh, for, for sunburns. Um, so yeah, I just wanna see if you had any, any wisdom or knowledge regarding this. Thanks, man.

• 2:01:26Speaker 03

  I feel like you got it.

• 2:01:29Stavros Halkias?

  I've never heard of this. Have you?

• 2:01:31Speaker 04

  I have never heard of it. I could see it working in a weird way.

• 2:01:35Speaker 03

  You wanna try it, I've seen it.

• 2:01:37Speaker 04

  I could imagine that if you get sunburn real bad, yogurt, I could see yogurt feeling really good.

• 2:01:42Stavros Halkias?

  Look it up. Yogurt treatment for sunburn.

• 2:01:46Speaker 03

  The nice, you know, get off the screen. How about we just critically think for a second?

• 2:01:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yogurt can be a soothing remedy for sunburn, apparently.

• 2:01:54Speaker 03

  And peanut butter gets gum out of your hair.

• 2:01:56Stavros Halkias?

  Go down, does it?

• 2:01:58Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:01:59Stavros Halkias?

  How much gum have you got in your hair? Get out of the AI mode, man. This shit sucks.

• 2:02:04Speaker 03

  Yes, you are a libtard.

• 2:02:06Stavros Halkias?

  Is yogurt good for a sunburn? Go there, go, yeah.

• 2:02:11Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 2:02:12Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 2:02:13Speaker 04

  I, this isn't Greek or Albanian, but I have heard like, sometimes if a woman gets a yeast infection, like to put yogurt in her pussy and that's supposed to help balance like the pH and shit.

• 2:02:22Speaker 03

  What if you're lactose intolerant?

• 2:02:25Speaker 03

  You ever seen a pussy puke before?

• 2:02:28Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great question. Can you put it in your pussy? Will that make you shit? I think you'd probably be fine.

• 2:02:33Speaker 03

  You ever shit out of your pussy?

• 2:02:37Stavros Halkias?

  Um, you're, didn't your, did like?

• 2:02:39Speaker 04

  My, my grandma, when I sprained my ankle, I didn't have health insurance, so I had to retreat home to Baltimore for four months. And just kind of stopped working at my job at the time indefinitely. And yeah, my grandma would grind up garlic, onions and salt in a mortar and pestle.

• 2:02:58Stavros Halkias?

  With olive oil, she was marinating Eldis's ankle.

• 2:03:01Speaker 04

  And she would like rub my ankle with it and like put on a cold compress of like this garlic onion mush. And I don't know, maybe it was placebo, but I do feel like it did help a little.

• 2:03:11Speaker 03

  You stank.

• 2:03:12Stavros Halkias?

  I've seen people cut onions. I've never heard the mortar and pestle with salt is crazy.

• 2:03:17Speaker 04

  She made a paste out of it and then put it on like a wet, cold rag and put that on my foot and she was just like.

• 2:03:23Speaker 03

  Your stinky, stinky foot.

• 2:03:24Speaker 04

  Yeah. And she was like, leave that there. And I was like, okay. And I think it did help a little. It felt like.

• 2:03:28Stavros Halkias?

  I've seen people wrap their foot in onions overnight.

• 2:03:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:03:32Speaker 03

  What? For what?

• 2:03:34Stavros Halkias?

  For, to help swelling and stuff.

• 2:03:39Speaker 03

  I just spit. To help. I don't know. What do you want from me?

• 2:03:44Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's for, uh, you know, what's it called? Inflammation.

• 2:03:48Speaker 03

  Drink a Diet Coke.

• 2:03:49Stavros Halkias?

  Have a DC. Nothing wrong with that. Uh, okay. Yeah, man. I think it might work. Slather yourself up in some fucking yogurt for, you know.

• 2:03:57Speaker 03

  That was a good call too. Could have Googled it. Doing a lot of emotional labor for people who don't want to Google and just want to talk to some.

• 2:04:05Stavros Halkias?

  That's what we're here for, man. We're here to help everyone, our beautiful guests, our beautiful friends, our guests. I think every time you're a much healthier person when you come here.

• 2:04:15Speaker 03

  I'm starving.

• 2:04:17Stavros Halkias?

  What do you want to eat? What kind of cuisine are you interested in?

• 2:04:20Speaker 03

  I like that place that you, the. Like Middle Eastern.

• 2:04:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yes, that place is pretty good. Um, all right. Maybe we'll get some Middle Eastern food. Well, that does it for us, folks. We will talk to you next time. Bye bye.

• 2:04:36Speaker 03

  Really petered out again.

• 2:04:51Speaker 00

  This podcast is supported by Nurtec ODT, RemedyPant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time, and throws everything off. So, when migraine takes your time, take Nurtec. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults. Nurtec can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nurtec is right for you, because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nurtec ODT. Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or throat. High blood pressure and Raynaud's Syndrome can occur. Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain, or color changes in fingers

• 2:05:36Speaker 00

  and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-833-4-NURTEC, or visit Nurtec.com. All right, back to your podcast, playlist, or whatever's keeping you going today.

• 2:05:50Speaker 13

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app at participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, Inc.