From Arranged Marriage to Netflix: What They Punished Her For, She Turned Into Power | Zarna Garg

She escaped an arranged marriage the DAY AFTER her mother died…and what happened next will leave you speechless. In this unforgettable episode of Mayim Bialik's Breakdown, Zarna Garg reveals the raw, shocking, and deeply inspiring story behind her rise, from fleeing tradition under unimaginable circumstances to becoming one of the boldest voices in comedy today. After losing her mother, Zarna made a life-altering decision overnight—running away from an arranged marriage and surviving by couch surfing for 2 years. What kept her going? A surprising legacy of kindness her mom left behind that saved her life. From immigrating to America with nothing, to redefining her identity on her own terms, Zarna shares what America truly means to her and why she believes destiny had a hand in her success. She opens up about love, loss, and rebellion - how she navigated dating solo (including her wildly unique online dating ad!) and ultimately found her perfect match. Encouraged by her own kids, Zarna took a leap into stand-up comedy...and never looked back. Today, she’s breaking stereotypes, pushing boundaries, and challenging cultural norms with every punchline. Zarna addresses the backlash she faced for performing at the Riyadh Comedy Festival—and why she did it anyway, hoping to inspire women in marginalized communities. She gets real about the tough questions: - Did her father’s death change how she sees karma? - Why should you NEVER ask your partner “what are you thinking?” - Is Western culture completely misunderstanding yoga? - Are beauty standards harsher in India or America? Plus, her hilarious takes on: - Growing up influenced by American culture & sibling birth order - Why she loves Mayim's "Amy Farrah Fowler" character from The Big Bang Theory - Balancing cultural pride without “demonizing” her roots for Western audiences Zarna also shares her powerful belief that ALL religions hold value, and how she’s built her own philosophy by taking the best from each. This is more than comedy. It’s survival, rebellion, identity, and destiny...all wrapped in one incredible story you don’t want to miss. Her perspective might completely change how you see culture, courage, and what it really means to choose your own life! Go to https://bioptimizers.com/breaker and use code BREAKER for 15% off. 2026 is the year you finally start sleeping great again. Go to https://tidd.ly/4uVltMe and use the code MAYIM50 to get $50 off your Elastique order. Check out Wondering Jews with Mijal and Noam podcast and subscribe: https://unpacked.bio/nmxGet the Discounted Early Bird registration to the IANDS Annual conference before the sale ends July 15. Visit https://conference.iands.org See Zarna Garg on The Million Dollar Excuses Tour: https://zarnagarbtour.com/ Follow us on Substack for Exclusive Bonus Content: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bialikbreakdown.substack.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ https://bialikbreakdown.substack.com/%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠BialikBreakdown.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ https://www.bialikbreakdown.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube.com/mayimbialik⁠⁠⁠ https://www.youtube.com/mayimbialik%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  You know what my mother-in-law tells my husband? We got you lazy and you married her? Look at me, what's not to like?

• 0:05Mayim Bialik?

  From homeless teenager to an unhinged American mom, we're talking to Zarna Garg.

• 0:12Speaker 00

  In India, even today, if you're married, the mother-in-law, she could be mean, she could be wicked. If she's lighting you on fire, you're supposed to help her and be like, no, no, let me do it. To come from that world to where I am now, where I'm like B word, C word. My father, if he was alive today, he would be absolutely horrified that I stand on stage shouting out opinions all day long.

• 0:34Mayim Bialik?

  How old were you when your dad told you it was time to get married?

• 0:37Speaker 00

  Just about 15. That's when it hit me. I don't know if I can go home. My solution was I'll go live with my friends. The couch surfing started. I didn't think it was going to snowball into this two-year event. I was in so deep that I didn't know how to take myself out of it. Your character on Big Bang Theory was revolutionary. I would watch it and be like, oh, my God, this girl, this crazy outfit with the glasses, and she's so smart. You probably turned on millions of nerdy men.

• 1:04Mayim Bialik?

  And some of the women as well.

• 1:06Speaker 00

  In India. I believe deeply that destiny brought me here. There's no other explanation for it. When I started stand-up comedy, I made the decision that I will be fully myself. Either the audience will accept me or I will not have a career in it. And I felt that if I just accept myself the way I am, maybe that will inspire other people to accept themselves.

• 1:32Mayim Bialik?

  Hi, I'm Mayim Bialik.

• 1:33Jonathan Cohen?

  And I'm Jonathan Cohen.

• 1:34Mayim Bialik?

  And welcome to our Breakdown. We sure love comedians here on Mayim Bialik's Breakdown. And today, we're going to speak to an unbelievable pioneer in the world of stand-up comedy. There's no better introduction than to say we're talking to Zarna Garg. She is the author of This American Woman, a one-in-a-billion memoir. She went from a homeless teenager to an unhinged American mom. And she's an internationally beloved stand-up comedian, as well as a New York Times bestseller. We're going to be talking to her not only about what makes her so funny, so authentic, so down to earth.

• 2:17Mayim Bialik?

  We're also going to talk about the often treacherous road that she had to walk to get here and how her mother's death and her father's rejection of her and the time that she spent homeless formed her into the hilarious person that she is. Make sure to join us over on Substack where the Breaker community gets content not available anywhere else. We hope to see you over there. And without further ado, welcome Zarna Garg to the Breakdown. Break it down. I'm a huge fan of yours and I'm a real connoisseur of all things standup comedy. So I'm especially interested when new faces come on the scene. And you're absolutely hysterical, first of all.

• 3:01Mayim Bialik?

  But second of all, there's this, this other layer to the comedy that you do that is so wise. And not only is it kind of from a different place, but you're really speaking from a different time in terms of the voice that you were raised with, the voice that you found and the success that you have. Can you share kind of the most unbelievable aspect to your journey thus far?

• 3:24Speaker 00

  I mean, I'm blown away by how much people are interested in my really kind of boring life. Yeah, I mean, when I started standup comedy, I really thought that I should, you know, look for what is my perspective and what is my voice? And, you know, the books kind of talked about the voice and find this and that. And, and I remember writing a couple of jokes at the beginning about like, women should not be wearing high heels. And I, I don't know, I was thinking about what in Western culture do I have a perspective on? And then I remember a fellow comic of mine pulled me aside at an open mic and said,

• 4:08Speaker 00

  We don't care about the high heels. We want to hear about you. And I was like, me? What do you want to know about me? He's like, your life. We're not going to have somebody like you up on a stage like this. So we want to hear about whatever your life is. And that was like eye opening to me. Do you, do you know what I'm saying? Like, I was shocked because nobody thought I was interesting until that point.

• 4:31Mayim Bialik?

  The way you describe it, you said, in India, I was deemed so unimportant that no one cared what came out of my mouth. And this is also not meant to, you know, be denigrating of Indian culture. And you, you write a really, you really, you walk that fine line. But can you talk a little bit, like what I got from your book? You came out different. Like you came out different than the culture around you. You came out with like a mouth and a brain that wanted to express itself. And generations of women, no matter what culture you came from, understand what you were born into. What was it about you that made you open your mouth?

• 5:09Speaker 00

  I don't know. I was the youngest of four. So I do think there's something to the birth order thing that my kids talk about incessantly. Because in America, people talk about this. And I didn't really think about it until my kids were like, you're a classic last born. Because I was, I was not only, um, I was not only the fourth. I was like fourth by many years. So by the time I came around, nobody cared about having kids. Nobody wanted, nobody had the patience to deal with baby stuff. And I had to like fight for attention constantly, like fight to not be left behind, fight to not, you know? So what happened was that, um,

• 5:52Speaker 00

  I think that that made me say things that shocked initially. But I honestly don't know. I mean, I'm mortified by me. I say things that I'm like, please God, after the words come out of my mouth, I'm like, why did I say those things? But there's no real explanation for it, but I was always very curious. That's also another thing, not much encouraged back where I came from, when I came from. I was a kid who wanted to read everything. And America, in many ways, even before I ever stepped foot in America, changed my life. Like, reading about all these women who were having fun and nobody was obsessed with getting married.

• 6:34Speaker 00

  And they were doing things, like not even, and I don't mean like walking on the moon things. I was just like dating with free will. You know, I remember, I don't even mean like gigantic accomplishments. Like, I didn't care about the big, more accomplished women. Not that they are not to be careful, they're really special and all that. But from where I came from, even just watching American sitcoms and being like, wow, like these three roommates are just living with each other. Three's company was eye opening to somebody who was so shocked with the first time, you know, when I saw what that was. So, and I think the minute I saw it, I was like, I need that.

• 7:19Speaker 00

  I need that life.

• 7:20Mayim Bialik?

  You did have some experience in the States. And you talk about this kind of awakening that you had when you were taken from your culture and placed in this Western culture and kind of this revolution that happened. Can you talk a little bit about that transformation and then what it was like to return home?

• 7:40Speaker 00

  I came here when I was younger, when my sister was married in America and I visited a few times. And every time I came, I saw something new. Like, I was like, oh, my God, I remember the first bubble bath ever. Like, no, you don't understand, like in India, they treat water like gold. Like, the idea that you're just gonna sit in it. And play with it. And it's not a big pool where many, many people are playing, but you get your own little one. Was shocking. And I, and I would come back and like, you know, like any big mouthy kid, I would be like, you know what I saw? And then they do this and then they have all these bubbles and then they have colors in the.

• 8:24Speaker 00

  And I remember, I remember when I was young, all my friends gathering around me and they're like, you did? They do? But then you come to America and it's like not even matter of fact, like it's nothing. Like it, it didn't, here it feels like everybody has a bubble bath. But you go back and you, the thought of even one existing is shocking. So I was constantly straddling the two worlds. And here I would come and tell people stories about back home. And it's really funny because you would think that money is, is the most attractive thing, right? But it's not. I learned as a child, like I would come here and tell stories about cows in India, which is a very real thing. Like cows are everywhere in India.

• 9:05Speaker 00

  And you would talk about like how kids feed cows, like that's the thing we do. You pay a little bit of money, like pennies. And then you get grass, even in the big urban cities, it's a thing that we do. And kids in America would be like, oh my God, I want to feed a cow.

• 9:21Mayim Bialik?

  My Be Alex Breakdown is supported by Quince. You know those pieces in your closet that you reach for over and over again? That sweater that somehow works with everything? The jeans you know will always fit just right? The bag you carry everywhere? Those are the pieces that earn a permanent place in your wardrobe and that's what Quince does so well. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, premium stretch denim. The designs are timeless, thoughtfully crafted and made to be worn again and again. And as the weather gets colder, Quince has everything you need to round out your wardrobe. From warm, responsibly sourced down jackets and cozy cashmere scarves and gloves to beautiful 14 karat gold jewelry that adds the perfect finishing touch. I'm personally obsessed with Quince's 100% European linen wide leg pants.

• 10:05Mayim Bialik?

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• 10:49Mayim Bialik?

  It's the best way to support our show. I wonder if you can talk a little bit about your mom in particular? And your relationship with her? And what happened when she passed?

• 11:02Speaker 00

  My mom and I were not the closest. She was closer to my siblings. And again, it came down to me just being a difficult child, I think. Now, in hindsight, as a parent myself, I see it. I was exhausting to her, also, again, the youngest. And she had a lot more in common with my sister because they like going clothes shopping. They liked doing all those things, which I always thought I was above all that. I was like, it's the shallow ones who worry about what they're gonna wear. Like, I was the intellectual in my own head. So I was always like, I wanna go watch this movie. That's like this deep art-inspired movie.

• 11:46Speaker 00

  And nobody anywhere near me had any interest in any of that. But my mom was like a caring mother. Like, she was not neglectful in the way that, you know, she did not care about me. She was just closer to my siblings. And then my siblings took care of me. So she knew that I was protected while she was alive. She died kind of unexpectedly. She went from very healthy to dead in two weeks. And no one saw it coming. And so, not even my dad. So when she died, he woke up and he went, the next day after his death, her death, he's like, I'm done parenting, you need to get married. I need to get you married, I'm just done.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  I believe that something inside him broke, because this was his second spouse that he had lost. My, my siblings are all my half siblings. So my mother married him and inherited three kids. And then I was born like almost ten years later. I think my dad broke. He also was a product of very difficult life circumstances. Even though he made a beautiful life for himself, but it was a long road to get there. And again, as somebody who has to had to make my own life, I understand that exhaustion. I'm an immigrant myself, like the first twenty years just go by putting that first roof over your head. That's just twenty years, you can kiss tho- those years goodbye. Like life doesn't even begin, and that's if you're lucky.

• 13:15Speaker 00

  So I got where he was coming from, because it also in the world that I came from, being married to a secure, stable, financially kind of well-off man was the security you gave to your child that you cared about. So he was not a mean man in that, he wasn't sitting there thinking, how can I ruin my daughter's life? Because in America, it can read that way, but that wasn't how it was. And people might be surprised to hear this, but even today, in twenty twenty six, the vast majority of marriages in India are arranged. So this is not like so unusual. Yes, I was a little younger than my siblings were when they got married, but not much, not by much.

• 13:58Mayim Bialik?

  How old were you when your dad told you it was time to get married?

• 14:00Speaker 00

  Just about fifteen. I was under fifteen. Yeah. But he was calculating. Look, here's the thing, he was doing the math. If we find the guy today, by the ta- you know, it's like, he, you know, as all of us do when we're thinking about like how to get something done, nothing happens the day you decide you want it to happen, right? I think he was like, I'm gonna let her know that I'm gonna put word out there, this is gonna meet, meaning, meeting all these people and whatever is involved, and we're gonna make it happen. I think that that's what his, but he was very, because my dad was a very imposing and domineering figure.

• 14:38Speaker 00

  I knew that if he said this is gonna happen, that's what's gonna happen now. There was no negotiating with him. So it was clear that that's where we were gonna be headed with him. Which is why I was like, no, no, I don't, because I was like, if I don't put the kibosh on this right now. This is gonna grow and he's gonna, you know, tomorrow, there's gonna be a groom in our living room.

• 15:01Speaker 00

  You know, uh, and I really didn't, I thought he would understand me and he thought I would break and that led to the face off between us.

• 15:10Mayim Bialik?

  Hmm. So what was your solution as a fourteen year old?

• 15:14Speaker 00

  Well, my solution was what any fourteen year old solution is like, fine, I'll go live with my friends. I have so many friends that I've been meaning to do sleepovers with. He was very clear. He's like, if you don't wanna get married, you can't live here. And I, I really thought, first of all, that he's losing his mind a little bit. Because my, then my mom's death, we had just cremated her, like it was a matter of hours. So I really thought he's, he's, he's a little, you know, unsettled and because I prided myself on being the intellectual anyway. I was like, I'm gonna understand this. I'm gonna understand this crisis and, and let him believe this, this is all happening.

• 15:55Speaker 00

  And be like, I don't wanna get married. And he was like, you can't live here. I was like, fine, I'll live with my friends. Again, in India, not a big deal. In America, if you had a teenage kid who showed up at your door, you would be like, oh, my God. Why aren't you with your parents? What happened? In India, we're in and out of our friends' homes all the time. You check in, like if your parents are traveling, you live with your neighbor for two, three days. It's not a big deal. So in my mind, I was like marching out. Thinking, I'll go be with my friends for two, three days. He'll come to his senses. He'll come bring me back and will, this will resolve. That's where I thought it would end.

• 16:33Mayim Bialik?

  And what happened?

• 16:34Speaker 00

  He was in no mood to resolve anything. He was very clear that there was gonna be no negotiating this. I was very surprised why how headstrong he ended up being. And he just wasn't, you know, I think he was just like, he was done. And he was like, already, I was a troubled kid. Already I had so many things, so many strikes against me. I think he was probably a little stressed out. He's like, she's short, she talks too much. She's got like, they're, you know, people in America have heard the phrase arrange marriage. I don't think they understand fully the nature of horse trading that goes on while you're actually getting arranged.

• 17:18Speaker 00

  It's not just your parents arrange you to somebody else via their parents. It's elements of literal horse trading. You're tall, you're, uh, well, you, you have, you wear glasses, but you're bald. Okay, this is a good match.

• 17:34Mayim Bialik?

  He's bald and wears glasses.

• 17:37Speaker 00

  He's out of luck, I'm sorry. Do, do you know what I mean? So in his mind, he was calculating, he's like, she's not the homely type. She, she has no interest in the kitchen. He knew as a father, this, these are all problematic things in an arranged setting. She's, she's short, I'm five feet short my whole life. I mean, I'm Indian, Indian women are five feet tall, but I was constantly reminded, you're short, you're this, you're that. So I think in his mind, what does she have going for her? Youth, take that, capitalize on that. And I think that he thought he's gonna go out into the marriage market and find me a good deal because nobody as young as me was available.

• 18:17Mayim Bialik?

  Oh.

• 18:17Speaker 00

  I know, I'm sorry, I'm saying all these things, knowing how crazy it sounds in America, but I'm telling you, this is how it works back home. It really does.

• 18:26Mayim Bialik?

  How long were you on the streets as it were? When your dad decided that he was not gonna have you in the home? What happened in your life? You know, you're a teenager and can you describe a little bit? What happened next? Also, your siblings really supported you through this and that's like a beautiful part of your story and the book. Is this beautiful family that kind of supported you and your siblings who kind of believed in you even when your dad didn't. But you had just lost your mother and then you lost your father in the same day. What was the next years of your life like?

• 19:03Speaker 00

  It was surreal in hindsight. I'll tell you that I didn't think my life would become what it became. When you're in it, you don't see it. I really thought, I have so many friends, like, what's the big deal? You know, I was a teen. And I did, I, when I left my dad's house the first day, I went to my closest friend back then. I showed up at her house and her mom was very loving, very welcoming. She was like, come on in, oh, you know, I can imagine what she was thinking. She's like, listen, this family is going through a crisis. She knew my mother, she knew this, this whole thing is going on. Oh, don't worry about it, this is all gonna settle, come on in. Then two days after the fact, she's like, oh, my mom thinks you need to go home.

• 19:47Speaker 00

  That's when it hit me, I was like, oh, okay, I don't know if I can go home. So then I went to another friend, then I went to a third friend and like, the couch surfing started like that, like every day I thought was the last day. I, I didn't think it was gonna snowball into this whole almost year and a half, two year event. And at some point, I was in so deep that I didn't know how to take myself out of it. Because my dad was also a very scary figure, like, he was rich and powerful in a country that's very poor. Lot of my friends' parents didn't wanna become enemies with my dad. So a lot of it was like, even though they felt deeply for me,

• 20:31Speaker 00

  it was like, do we wanna take on, like, become like his enemy number one for what? Like, what are we doing? And not to mention that a lot of them agreed with him. They were all like, she does have to get married, like, what is the issue here? You know, so a lot of them then started blocking me from coming to their house because they were like, oh my god, she's gonna get in my kid's head. And this whole freedom thing is now gonna transfer over to my kid. So, uh, it was two years, almost about a year and seven months of.

• 21:05Speaker 00

  Going from door to door and uncles and aunties and like who can take me in and you know luckily when I was when my mom was alive, we had a whole staff in our house. Again, that's so unusual in India. Like we had drivers, we had cooks, these are things people have even today. But they had so much compassion for me because my mom had such deep and warm relationships with them that when all else failed, they took me in. Even though they were still afraid of their own jobs and whatever. But a lot of people came together, like street vendors who remembered my mom would feed me for free. They would just be like, oh, just take it, you know.

• 21:47Speaker 00

  Uh, because they remember my mom had generated a lot of goodwill over the years and I became the beneficiary of of a lot of it.

• 21:54Mayim Bialik?

  That's incredible.

• 21:56Speaker 00

  I didn't even know my mom had funded a lot of charitable things that none of us knew about. This is another thing. See, in America, if you do charity, you talk about it. You're like, this is my foundation. This is my, I support this. Indian women, my mom was scared shitless. She would never tell my dad because if he found out she was giving away his money. There would be hell to pay. So she did a lot of charitable things, but it was all in secret that none of us knew until after she died.

• 22:25Mayim Bialik?

  What happened after those two years?

• 22:27Speaker 00

  I managed to get a visa to come to America because my sister was trying from here. She was reaching out to, you know, to the embassy here and saying, what can we do? How can we get her here? And I was trying in India figuring out like what paperwork. You know, it's not so easy to immigrate to America. It's a lot involved, a lot of steps involved, a lot of paperwork involved. But I was pushing on all fronts, she was pushing on all fronts. The thing that helped us is that thirty years ago, actually thirty-five-ish years ago. International students were not a thing in America. It was not what it is today. Back then, if you were an international student in a tiny town like Akron, Ohio.

• 23:11Speaker 00

  You were almost like a celebrity because you're like, who's this kid and where did this kid come from? So my sister found a way to get me enrolled to University of Akron with from where I graduated. And we agreed that I would come as a foreign student. And and like at least, at least stabilize my life until we can figure out what the next step. And I was very happy to do that because if it meant I can study more or whatever, then you know, I was in.

• 23:42Mayim Bialik?

  When you were 22, you decided to place an ad on an Indian singles site. And you described it as, you know, catnip for Indian men. And you, the ad is hilarious. It includes, kindly include your most recent tax returns and medical records. But you talk a little bit about what started happening. You know, you talk about the guy who said he was 28, but looked more like 60. The Star Wars fan who said he liked me because I looked like an Ewok. The plastic surgeon who told me how he would improve my face. The doctor who said, you must have bad genes if your mom died early. Talk a little bit about what that was like to, on your own terms, to some extent, try and find a match.

• 24:27Mayim Bialik?

  And how it happened that one of your suitors became an unlikely friend and eventually your husband.

• 24:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, see, it's, a lot of life is just ignorance is bliss. I put an ad out that reflected how I thought people made matches, which was the only world I knew at the time, was what I had seen my dad do with his matchmaking situations with my siblings. It was always like, well, if you, like, if somebody said in that setting, my son is a doctor, my dad would be like, I need to see the proof. He would have, because people lie all the time, you know, especially in the, like, there will be people who will be like, can you step on the scale? We would like to weigh you. It sounds so crazy. But I wrote an ad that made, I'd never been on a date in my life, so I wrote an ad that

• 25:20Speaker 00

  made sense to me. And what happened is that in 1997, internet was very new and online matchmaking was not even a thing. It was like these HTML sites where you put, you know how the newspapers have classifieds? Those classifieds had moved over to the internet. But it wasn't anything, there were no, there was no apps, there was none of that. I didn't know that I was the only woman speaking for myself back then. All the men were speaking for themselves back then in the Indian community. But the women were being spoken for by their moms or their dads or their aunts or their uncles or whatever. So when I showed up in this dating matchmaking pool with, here I am, I would like to talk to you.

• 26:05Speaker 00

  All the men were like, oh, my God, we can skip this whole layer of like talking to the mother or whatever. I think that's what got the first round of like flurry of interest. Also, there were no photos transferring online back then. It was pre JPEG days and all. So you just wrote what you wanted and then they wrote what they wanted. And then you saw if there was a, you know, if there was even a tiny spark, then you made a plan to meet, which is how it happened. Yeah. And my husband was in, uh, my current, my husband now, back then was a guy in Switzerland doing an internship. You know, he was hanging out with a bunch of Indian guys and everybody was new to the internet. Everybody was like logging in to see what's happening.

• 26:49Speaker 00

  You know, and they all, a bunch of guys saw my ad and they were like, this can't be real. They thought it was unbelievable and my husband emailed me and said, is this real? And I was like, did you read my ad? Because it very clearly says, do not email me if you want to be a friend. Like, it was so clear that I wanted to get married and do not email me if you're not one of these things. But we kind of hit it off somewhere along the way and I was like, it's very real. I showed him all the responses I was getting. And that started a little bit of a friendship for us, even though I was dead against friendship.

• 27:25Speaker 00

  And here we are 28 years later.

• 27:27Mayim Bialik?

  There's a, a part of the book where you talk about announcing your engagement. And, um, there's this statement that, that your father made when he found out that you were engaged.

• 27:39Mayim Bialik?

  And it says, this is the worst mistake of everybody's life. And when I first read that, I thought, okay, he's keeping up this hard exterior, right? But your dad, he rode that into the sunset.

• 27:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:54Mayim Bialik?

  Can you talk a little bit about you trying to make a place and a name for yourself? And what it was like to assert that for yourself and still be met with that resistance?

• 28:06Speaker 00

  See, if you completely disagree with the idea that women should make a space for themselves, then that's never gonna make sense to you. And my dad never saw merit in it. I remember, I remember when he, when my brother was arranged, and his wife seemed very temperamental to us. Like, just before they were even married, she seemed very like volatile and temperamental. And I remember my mother saying to my father, I think she's crazy. You know how parents talk, right? I think she's crazy. And he really looked at her and he's like, but all women are crazy. At least she's good looking.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  So, he, to him, it was unfathomable that there was another way of life. Like, if he was alive today, he would be absolutely horrified that I stand on stage and I'm like shouting out opinions all day long. I think he would be frightened for me. He would think that my life was in danger. He would think no man would ever want me. And, and to be honest, there is some truth to it. Not every husband can, can stand the life that I've made. I make fun of my husband on stage all day long. I make fun of his mother. Like, talk about like breaking new ground. Like, this is unheard of. I don't think you understand, like, even in India, even today, if you're married, the

• 29:33Speaker 00

  mother-in-law position, she could be mean, she could be wicked. If she's lighting you on fire, you're supposed to help her and be like, no, no, let me do it.

• 29:43Speaker 00

  Do not like risk your hands, please. Let me just pour the gasoline on myself. So to come from that world to where I am now, where I'm like B word, C word, fuck, fuck this, fuck that.

• 29:55Mayim Bialik?

  There's a really funny and also very painful, you know, part of the book when you talk about the preparation to get married. And you're given the bridal treatment. My favorite line was, "You're gonna look beautiful for your husband. Imagine his face when he sees this," said the voice behind my butthole, to which you replied, "He was fine with my old butthole." And, and the response was, "But don't you want to be white?"

• 30:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:25Mayim Bialik?

  "Don't you want to be the whitest?" And this notion, I mean, it's so symbolic. This notion of the whitewashing, right? The prep, that preparation. And I want you to talk a little bit about beauty, because this is one of my most favorite parts, not only of your book, but of your work and your presence. You are unafraid to call out the hypocrisy we have, right? And the complexity behind our fascination with a certain kind of beauty. And of course, it varies culturally, and you speak about it from both sides, right? Of the Indian culture and the Western culture. Can you talk a little bit, though, about what it felt like for you as a girl wearing glasses,

• 31:06Mayim Bialik?

  who, let's say, didn't fit the mold of so many stunning Miss Indias and all this sort of notion? Talk a little bit about beauty and the preparation to step into that as a grown woman.

• 31:17Speaker 00

  I mean, I thought it was preposterous, what that stupid beauty treatment was, like, what was it? But still, I still went through with it. Because I was like, first of all, I was riddled with guilt that he had paid for this thing that felt like it must have been a million dollars back then, it was 30 bucks. But, you know, and, and I had seen all my friends and relatives do it. So this must be a thing, right? One of the top beauty products, top-selling beauty products in India, even to this day, is a product called Fair and Lovely. Where literally, you will have parents, like, not massage, massage is a light word,

• 31:58Speaker 00

  grinding it into their daughter's skin, hoping that they become lighter. And then because of this whole like new age movement of like being fair should be stigmatized, they rebranded and it has become Glow and Lovely. So that is the big change we've made. The thing exists exactly as it was, but it is now called glow and lovely. So I've been watching with fascination some of that, of course, back home. But then I came to America and I saw all the torture that women here go through. In the name, no one's even making them. The surprising thing is that here women do it to themselves. Like, no one is asking you to, you know, to look that thin and to... I mean, yes, there's societal pressure, right?

• 32:42Speaker 00

  But it's not like your parent is off, like, please throw up and become anorexic. But we become, we put that pressure on ourselves. So it's an interesting thing to observe from both sides. A lot of it is us doing it to ourselves. And when I started stand-up comedy, I made the decision that I will be fully myself. Either the audience will accept me 100% the way I am, or I will not have a career in it. But I cannot lie, like, I didn't even know how to lie on that stage. Like, what seemed to be connecting the most was the authenticity. And why was I gonna lose that? I don't even know how to. I've had people ask me if I put on the accent.

• 33:24Speaker 00

  And I don't know why I would choose, why would I choose to do this? Uh, but I, I designed my own clothes because no clothes in India ever made sense to me. So I bought my own fabric, I went to the tailor. I, I, I imagined what was the most authentic zarna that I can be. And I created that and I put it on stage. Because when I'm my most authentic, I seem to bring relief to my friends in America. I seem to bring relief to my friends in India who feel stuck. Like, on both sides of the world, the very modern and the very traditional, there are crazy things that we all do to ourselves to be more accepted. And I felt that if I just accept myself the way I am,

• 34:09Speaker 00

  maybe that will inspire other people to accept themselves. I mean, your character on Big Bang Theory was revolutionary, right? I would watch it and be like, oh my God, this girl, this crazy outfit with the glasses, and she's so smart. This is the hero we all need, Amy Farrah Fowler.

• 34:31Mayim Bialik?

  That's very sweet.

• 34:32Speaker 00

  You probably turned on millions of nerdy men in India. Didn't even know it.

• 34:37Mayim Bialik?

  And some of the women as well.

• 34:38Speaker 00

  Some of the women too.

• 34:41Mayim Bialik?

  You did get married. Did your dad come to the wedding?

• 34:44Speaker 00

  He did. Under extreme protests, essentially my brother, both my brothers like had him physically picked up and brought because we were afraid that if he just wasn't in the room, it would raise too many eyebrows. See, we were new to my husband's family and it's my husband's parents to this day live in a village outside Delhi. Like this is not a world where I grew up in South Bombay. I grew up in affluence. I grew up with educated people around. There you could say, oh, we don't get along. We cut each other off. You might still say it. It's still unusual, but you could maybe get a but back where they're from, they would be like, her father is alive and not here at her, his own daughter's wedding. So we

• 35:28Speaker 00

  brought him, but we had, my brother had created essentially a wall of human beings around him. So nobody was really talking to him and nor was he allowed to talk to too many people. So he's barely in any photos. He's like all the way in the back.

• 35:44Mayim Bialik?

  One of the hardest parts of the book, when you go to your, your, your new in-laws home and you meet the grandmother and I didn't even understand what was happening as I was reading it. Um, it was a, you were part of a beauty lineup. Can you describe to us what happened? I mean, just go ahead. I can't even go ahead.

• 36:09Speaker 00

  So this also not that uncommon back home, but she, I didn't realize it was happening to me until I realized what it was. Cause you know, again, I'm telling you, in my head, I was such an intellectual that none of this could be happening to me. And then I was like, oh no, I'm in it. Uh, but she basically called all her daughter-in-laws, like cousins, the, the women, the cousins had married, like all the extended relatives of my husband. And he, she asked us all to sit together. Now me, coming from a world, my mom was a very generous woman in her life. I really thought for a minute we were all gonna get gifts.

• 36:55Speaker 00

  You know, because sometimes in marriage, like you, I thought, oh, they're lining up the dorinos. Maybe we're gonna get like a piece of jewelry or a sari or like, like, it's like a, let's celebrate this whole thing. That's where my mind was, I remember. But then she's like, oh, can you move to the right and can you move to the left? I'm still thinking, it's a gift. Really, in my head, I'm still thinking, oh, it's a size thing. Like, small, medium, large, like, maybe it's that, like, you know, whatever, she's trying to organize it. Then I realized that actually she's, she's lining us up in order of beauty, because they all started whispering to each other and whatever. I was second to last. Again, I never took it personally, because as I told you, I was Einstein in my head.

• 37:38Speaker 00

  I was like, these people are all dumb villagers, they don't know what they're talking about. But I was so horrified for the woman who was last, who was quite attractive, except for a very unfortunate mole on her face, which would have never, would, would cemented her last position for our lives.

• 37:57Mayim Bialik?

  And what you said is that the grandmother screeched, "Zarna", hopping from one foot to another in delight, like a sand dune lizard. You're not the ugliest, you're second ugliest. And you said, everyone cheered. And I'm thinking, this was your welcome into your husband's family.

• 38:17Speaker 00

  And it sounds crazy here, but I'm telling you, these things happen. And if my parents were alive, they might have been like, oh, my God, at least she's not the last.

• 38:27Jonathan Cohen?

  It's a very positive outlook.

• 38:28Speaker 00

  Thank God for my brain was like fully wired for satire very early, even before I knew what satire was. Because I was just looking at this like a horse and pony show, you know? And, and don't we sit through some version of that in our lives here? Don't we all? How many meetings, do you know how many? I have three kids. How many parent meetings I've sat through where the teacher is very serious? And she's like, you know, you should do this and you should do, and I'm like, you're crazy. You're all crazy people. Like, none of this needs to happen. Why are we thinking, what, like, you, this is making a mountain out of a molehill? Sometimes, you know, we all have our versions of going completely overboard. And she was, this was my husband's grandmother's moment.

• 39:15Speaker 00

  This was her moment to shine, to be like, look, I'm the matriarch in my world. None of it meant anything. The next day, we all went on with our lives.

• 39:24Mayim Bialik?

  How do you balance, you know, obviously, for for those of us who are not accustomed to these kinds of, you know, traditions and practices, how do you walk that line as a comedian between exposing some things that are very distasteful, right, to a non-Indian audience while still, you know, kind of making sure that there's a universality to that experience that isn't demonizing where you came from?

• 39:50Speaker 00

  Well, that's the art of it, I think. I'm very proud of my writing. I take a lot of pain to write, write and tread that delicate line. I'm very proud of my writing. And, and you know, the truth is, it's not so hard because deep inside my heart, I love Indian culture. And deep inside my heart, I love being American. So I'm not trying to hide any feelings that like, oh, oh, no, I hope this doesn't surface. I genuinely understand why India is the way it is. And I understand why America is the way it is. I have a lot of compassion for how these things have evolved. Like, nothing is perfect

• 40:34Speaker 00

  in its first, second, 10th, 15th iteration. That's life. It's an evolution. Even my husband's grandmother, who did all this, right? In the end, 10 years later, I was her favorite daughter-in-law. She used to laugh with me. I remember going to my subsequent cousins' weddings and be like, can we just skip this? And she was like, yeah, yeah, that. And then she started telling me, oh, it's all the villagers like it. I never liked it to begin with.

• 41:03Speaker 00

  So it's, it's not like she was this mean, hostile woman who was looking to traumatize. She came from that world. That's what she knew.

• 41:11Mayim Bialik?

  There's something about your directness and the way you, you know, can't help confronting the culture you came from, that when you place it in American culture, it, it is, it's so shocking and it's hilarious. Like, one of the examples which gets a lot of attention... You know, in America, you're supposed to talk out your feelings with your partner, and we're encouraged to go to therapy, right? And this American notion of kind of like psychoanalyzing every tidbit, when you say things like, "Never ask your partner what's going on in their head", it's not just funny, it has a deeper truth. Can you talk a little bit about that as an example? Why shouldn't we ask our partner what's in their head?

• 41:55Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no, there's no good answer, oh my God. Nothing good is ever going on in anybody's head. I've learned this the hard way. Even doctors are out there dreaming about bad things. I'm like, half my family is brain surgeons and the stupid things they think. I'm like, oh my God, I wish I didn't know this because I'm never gonna let you do surgery on me because you're so stupid.

• 42:19Speaker 00

  I think the whole talking thing, all of that made sense back when we had landlines. Where you waited a week to find out if your friend lived or died, if they made it to the state of Connecticut or whatever. Today, you're literally, you're beeping, you're pooping. My phone right now has 15 messages, right? It's too much. Nobody can survive this much communicating. Like, you're bound to piss somebody off. You're bound to piss yourself off. How many times have you thought something and then you're like, "I can't believe I'm thinking this"? Because you're thinking so many things. And I really think that... You know why my comedy lands? It lands because it's real, it's honest.

• 43:02Speaker 00

  But also, my audience is brilliant. They get it immediately. When I say, "Please, just don't ask", they get it. Like, I make jokes about how like, all these romantic books, like, "How to have a great marriage and all have all these rules", right? You should, "Oh, use I statements, don't use you statements, don't blame the other person". Like, if you ask anybody who's been married, if you ask anybody who's been married a period of time, they'll tell you, "Best way to stay married: shut up". Just shut up. Just live in your own little lane. Be a good human being and leave your spouse alone to the extent possible. It's too much talking going on.

• 43:43Mayim Bialik?

  We've had two of these, two in the last two days where Jonathan and I, it was not a huge disagreement, but it was something about the way he handled something the way I, and I felt like I channeled my inner Zarna. I finally said, I don't want to talk about this anymore. We don't need to keep talking about, like, I don't like how you said that. You don't like how I said it. It's fine.

• 44:05Speaker 00

  It's fine. Everybody will live. Exactly. And like I teach my kids, I have two kids who are dating age, like they're adults. And everything, it's like, can you believe he said that? I'm like, I told you, don't ask him. Why did you ask him? What he thinks?

• 44:21Mayim Bialik?

  I have one more kind of heavier question before we get into some more of the fun.

• 44:29Mayim Bialik?

  You talk about the circumstances surrounding your dad's death. And, you know, obviously your relationship with him was complicated, you know, your whole life. And, you know, what you said was that he never suffered the consequences of the pain that he caused while he was alive. And you mentioned karma, you know, which Western audiences, you know, think about and like karma's a bitch. Can you talk a little bit about what that was like, especially as a funny person, right? As someone who has this very unusual quirky eccentric view on the world.

• 45:11Mayim Bialik?

  Can you talk a little bit about that circle and what it felt like?

• 45:16Speaker 00

  His death made me wonder if I was wrong.

• 45:22Speaker 00

  Is that crazy? His death made me think, was I wrong because he didn't suffer? And not that I wanted him to suffer, just to be clear. I'm not sitting here wishing that he had suffered. But he lived. A very independent, accomplished life until the day he died. That's like, yes, he died earlier in life than he probably should have, but he died relatively young. But not so young that he hadn't lived a full, like, you know. So there was, there is a part of me that's like, if karma is a thing, which I grew up believing my whole life. He didn't suffer at all, so maybe my perspective was wrong.

• 46:06Speaker 00

  You know, because there are two, there are two parts to karma, right? There's this karma's a bitch assumes he wronged me.

• 46:15Speaker 00

  But maybe he didn't, it's the, it's a first, and I've struggled with it. I even think about it in the context of my mom's death because she died so young and she actually died a pretty painful death. Like, even though it was relatively short, like she was only in the hospital for two weeks. It was pretty brutal from what little I, I remember and understood. So why did she suffer? She lived a great, like she lived an extreme, she raised three kids that were not her kids. She was so good to so many people around her, but then she got that death. So on some philosophical level, I've always had like some uh, struggle understanding karma and the literal way in which

• 46:59Speaker 00

  it, it, it has been presented to us as if it's a mathematical equation. If you do one bad thing, this bad thing is gonna come back to you. And now I understand that life just is not that black and white. And, and I use it to my advantage. Sometimes I do bad things and I remember, I'm like, see, he was fine, he was fine.

• 47:19Mayim Bialik?

  Well, and I think also that's one of the things that we do, right? It's one of the things we do in grief. It was one of the bargaining stages, right? It's the, when we talk about the phases of grief. And that bargaining is like, if I would have done it different, maybe the whole, right? Like the butterfly, you know, flapping its wings. It's one of the negotiations we do.

• 47:38Speaker 00

  And I'm sure there's, there's power to that because that bargaining may make you make better decisions when you're thinking it all through. But I'm not sure of the whole karmic consequence. I don't know, the, I've not fully reconciled it in my mind. And then his death, death has been one of the biggest reasons why I've not been able to.

• 47:58Mayim Bialik?

  Moving on to a couple lighter topics. What are we getting wrong about yoga?

• 48:02Speaker 00

  Oh, my God. Listen, first of all, yoga is a Western thing. We shouldn't even say it's Indian because it's fully American. The Americans have taken it over. We've lost it. It's fine. It happens. You know, the Americans have lost some things to India. I'm not really sure what, but pizza. Indians now make pizza with like chicken tikka masala on it. Like, that's how they eat it back home. So, and, and, I mean, well, it's Italian, but that's a different matter. You know what it is? And I've learned this now because I have a daughter who is, of all things, also taught yoga at her college. I was paying $85,000 a year so she could go to college and teach people yoga.

• 48:44Speaker 00

  I was never, like, I was losing my mind on so many levels while she was in college. But I learned something. Here in America, if you, you really believe that if you're doing the things you're supposed to do, like you're drinking the water, you're sleeping, you're getting the melatonin, you're like, whatever, all, and doing the yoga, like, then your body must react in a certain way. How are you not skinny? How are you not well? Why are you not at peace? And, and I think that that's the one thing people are getting most wrong about yoga. Yoga doesn't bring you peace. Yoga reveals the peace inside you. And sometimes it is not that peaceful. And that's okay. You're just gonna have to struggle through it.

• 49:26Speaker 00

  I have so many friends who's like, I did, I've been doing yoga for three years. Why do I still get angry?

• 49:33Mayim Bialik?

  Well, I like also that you talk about how we've turned, like, we've, the West has managed to turn yoga into a high-intensity

• 49:39Speaker 00

  It's a blood sport. Have you seen it? Have you seen the yoga, that yoga ladies are scary? If you go in there, like, it's not like this. You go back home to a yoga class in India, everybody's in their pajamas, they're barefoot. It's, the clothing is very loose. It's like, you wear like an oversized old T-shirt, you throw a towel down if you don't have a, here, it's like, the grip socks and the mat and the tight, it's so tight. It's like, until you've punished your body to every extent possible, you're not doing it.

• 50:11Mayim Bialik?

  I enjoy, you know, the benefits of many of the branches of yoga, not just the one where they make the room 102 degrees and everybody's in booty shorts. And this is my thing, I know I need to like focus on myself. It's very difficult when everybody's in like these like spectacular outfits and the sports bras have like a million different things. I'm distracted by the clothing choices.

• 50:38Speaker 00

  Well, it's like a little fashion parade going on of its own, like red carpet going on. You know, my daughter too, my kids do it too. They're like, oh, I don't know, I don't, I don't, this outfit is not inspiring me. I mean, what are you talking about? Just go in your sweatpants. But they won't. And it's, but that's, that's the American capital. They saw money in it and they're like.

• 51:02Mayim Bialik?

  Well, and also then you have like every documentary about how every type of yoga you're doing was co-opted by someone doing bad things. Like I went to a Bikram class and I was also like, it's too hot and I don't want to do the same poses over and over again. I like a different routine every time. Now you can't do that because of that documentary. Anyway, what is your faith system? Do you have a concept of a God? Do you have many gods? What is your, what is your practice like?

• 51:28Speaker 00

  Oh, my God, I will lean on all of them. There are 19,000 gods in Hinduism. I have a very close relationship with Judaism for all kind of complicated reasons. Uh, I, I'm down with Jesus Christ if he's gonna help me. I'm down with Mohammed if I can lean in on him. Like I'm good with them all, like I will lean on any, everybody. And my life, life has had so many ups and downs and I'm like, whichever one of you can help me, I'm on your team right now. And I, I'm, I'm sure I'm pissing somebody off right now by saying that. But there is an opportunist side to me and it certainly reveals itself in faith. At the end of the day, I'm not extremely religious either way,

• 52:13Speaker 00

  but I love learning what the religions teach. I think all the religions have some wisdom encoded in them and some. Honestly, between you and me, a lot of stupid things too. A lot of stupid things in every religion. It's not this or that. So just as somebody who's a curious person who likes to think about things. I love reading about these things and take the best from all of them. Of course, also, I was born and raised in Mumbai, Bombay back then, which is an extremely multicultural city. I grew up among a, among a whole vibrant Jewish community in India. And then thirty years in New York. You know what I mean?

• 52:57Speaker 00

  So I'm used to every faith, every religion around me and I, again, I want to believe in karma. I actually think of all the religious practices and beliefs. That's one of the good ones. But the dad thing has made me think many times. And my mom also, I was like, why did she get that death? But if I'm booked to do a show in Utah, I might make Mormon jokes and I will get into it.

• 53:25Mayim Bialik?

  Your, your rise to stardom is such a beautiful story. Because you weren't thinking, I'm gonna be a stand-up comedian. I'm gonna be an author. I'm gonna have my own sitcom. Like, these are unbelievable things. It was your kids who encouraged you. What were they seeing that you hadn't considered?

• 53:49Speaker 00

  They saw comedy as a possibility. Like, I was a stay-at-home mom for sixteen years and I was really trying desperately to get back to work. I just wanted to work. I wanted a job. I wasn't even being like, give me some fancy big job. I was just like, I need to make some money. As a stay-at-home mom, I can tell you that I felt like I had no self-esteem left. I was stripped of self-esteem, the whole world has moved on, they know what's going on. They know all the gadgets and all the spreadsheets and all these things that I might have learned, but instead, I was buried in diapers and formula and

• 54:30Speaker 00

  those years, I took my being a mom so seriously, everything was like this gotta be perfect and that like every mother does. But I felt like the world left me behind and I decided to, okay, I'm gonna, the way to get back on my feet was to get a job, something, anything that anybody was willing to pay me for. But no job was working out. Then I said, okay, I will be an entrepreneur, I'll start a business, I'm a good cook, let me try that. Everything was failing. What happened is that I used to take my kids with me to sell a lot of these things on the weekends with me. They would come and help me carry bags of chili and all, like, so they would watch me and my daughter and my son, one time, I remember, I was at a restaurant trying to pitch my vegan chili.

• 55:13Speaker 00

  I had a great conversation with the owner of the restaurant, like, we were laughing and we were like, you should have that and like, how much steak are people gonna eat, you should have some alternative. I don't know, I was just making stuff up, trying to like be very salesy. And I sold him a whole batch of vegan chili. And then we left and my kids saw that he threw it right out. As soon as we turned, so my daughter came home and she said, you know, mom, you're trying to sell the chili, but people just wanna talk to you.

• 55:45Speaker 00

  Maybe you're just, you're funnier than all the people we see on TV. You should do comedy. And I was like, comedy, but that's not a job. And they're like, no, in America, that's a job. And I was like, no, then when your kid says that, you're like, that's not a job, like, who's gonna pay me to do comedy? And they're like, no, mom, this is a real thing, like, people get paid. And just to shut them up, because I had made them do so many things that they didn't wanna do, just to shut them up, I said, okay, I will look into this. Then they started ganging up on me and harassing me. And at that time, as a zero mom, a lot of their kids used to, friends used to hang out at our house. It was always like if anybody was having dating drama, they would wanna come and talk to me about it.

• 56:28Speaker 00

  Or if somebody was having some drama, got a bad grade and they're scared of going home or whatever. They would be like, what does auntie say? So I, so some version of Zarna is funny was out in the air. But I didn't really think about it. I really went to that first open mic thinking, I'll take a photo and I'll leave. And just let them know I did it so we can move on to the next thing I'm gonna try.

• 56:53Mayim Bialik?

  What was the material that you presented the first time you went on stage?

• 56:55Speaker 00

  Well, I didn't really present it because I wasn't ready to go on stage. I was about to leave. I watched what an open mic was. I walked in, it was a Wednesday afternoon. First of all, I was horrified that all these adults were just sitting around in the basement of this Mexican restaurant. On a Wednesday afternoon, they didn't have kids, they didn't have jobs. What was everybody doing? And I remember thinking, oh my God, like people have so much time to waste. And then I sat there, I was just watching, like, you know, people, okay, I got it. I was like, oh, they're gonna go up and tell jokes, like, fine. I was like, this is, they're all, they look broke. Like, there's no money in this. No one's paying them to do this. Like, this is some kind of hobby thing. Okay, fine.

• 57:34Speaker 00

  I was about to leave and the woman who runs that club, to this day, she's a Jewish woman with three kids. She looked at me and she said, you're already here, why don't you do five minutes? And I was like, but five minutes of what? And she's like, just talk about whatever you think is funny. So I was like, okay. And I got up on stage and I started trashing my mother-in-law.

• 57:57Speaker 00

  Who doesn't think that's funny? I was like,

• 58:00Mayim Bialik?

  What'd you say? What was one of your first jokes?

• 58:01Speaker 00

  I remember thinking, like, do you know what my mother-in-law says to me? She says to me, like, she tells my husband, she's like, I, we got you Lasik and you married her? Like,

• 58:13Speaker 00

  And I laughed, I remember the audience was hesitant. Now I know all this, right? When I first said the words, people hesitated because they weren't sure if it was an answer. But then I burst out laughing, so then they burst out laughing. You know what I mean? Because otherwise, it could come off mean, right? It could come off sad. But like, everything I said, I was like, can you believe how dumb she is? Like, look at me. What's not alike?

• 58:40Speaker 00

  I remember when I got up on stage, the first thing I said, I was like, white people do this? Like, this is really a job in America? Like, you can just stand and talk and get paid for this? I was so shocked that this could even be, I, I, I, my mind immediately was like, I just left millions of dollars on the table. I've been like blabbering on my whole life.

• 59:06Mayim Bialik?

  Did you know that you were good?

• 59:08Speaker 00

  No, not at all. I really thought, oh, okay, so they're seeing this Indian auntie and they're like being nice. Then, because that was so fun, the booker, the lady who runs it said, why don't you do a bringer show? In stand-up comedy, when you start, the way most news comics start is, if you bring five people, you get five minutes on stage. So she saw an opportunity. She's like, why don't you do a bringer show? Bring five people and we'll do five minutes. And I was like, okay, you know, I guess this was fun. So I, so I reached out, I had like, my friends were all moms of my kids' classmates. And I reached out to them. It was on the Upper West Side, so a lot of them lived there.

• 59:52Speaker 00

  We all lived Upper West, Upper East, you know, Manhattan. I reached out, I was like, if any of you are free and can come, if five of you come, I'll get five minutes. And my Instagram back then was like a hundred followers, you know, like, because it was all moms, like connecting with each other, like, are you picking the kid up? Or am I, that kind of thing. I even offered them the drinks. I said, I will pay for the drinks. You don't even, because I was like feeling bad that they will have to buy drinks that they don't want. I said, I'll get the drinks, just come. And I kind of put this flyer out there and I remember hoping that I wasn't even sure five people would show up because I that's not me. I would never be the one who's harassing you. Are you coming? Are you coming? That's just not me.

• 1:00:35Speaker 00

  I put it out there. I was like, who comes, comes. If we get five, I'll go on stage. If we don't, we'll watch other people and we'll go home. I was very cool about it. I showed up, there were ninety six people there. I walked in and the and the booker got mad at me. She's like, who are all these people? I said, I don't know who are all these people? And she's like, all of them are here for you. And now where are we going to put all the other guests of the bringers? I said, I don't know.

• 1:00:59Mayim Bialik?

  Did you get ninety six minutes for your ninety six people?

• 1:01:02Speaker 00

  No, I didn't even have ninety six. So what we did, as I it's this was the basement of the restaurant. I moved ninety people up to the restaurant. I said, you guys are here. We can't see everybody. I'm so sorry. Why don't you all wait upstairs? Let me do my five minutes and I will come up and do whatever you I'll do the five, ten, fifteen minutes. Whatever nonsense comes to my mind, I'll do it improv for you upstairs. And so they went up, I did my five minutes. The people didn't want me to get off the stage. They were like, do more, do more, do two more minutes, two more minutes. And that was the first time I was like, again, my mind was so set on being an entrepreneur. And at that time, technology

• 1:01:45Speaker 00

  was new. Instead of thinking, you know, when a stand up comic does well, what do they think? I killed, right? That's the language. I killed today. I remember looking at the audience. I was like, product market fit, product market fit. Like the tech person, I was like, maybe this is my product. It is fitting. Nothing has ever fit like this before.

• 1:02:09Speaker 00

  I was spending so much time with tech people that we were always like, is there product market fit? Is there? It was all these elusive things that we were looking for our whole life, it felt like.

• 1:02:18Mayim Bialik?

  Obviously, that's very funny, but it's also incredibly true. And one of the places that you have touched in the market is people of South Asian descent. People have never seen someone like you. People have never seen a woman like you coming so authentically and with such reverence, you know, for both the culture that you come from and the culture that has adopted you. Right? It's remarkable.

• 1:02:45Speaker 00

  Some kind of error got created when I was made for sure. Like, I don't think I was intended to be this way. And it just a confluence of all dramatic life events have resulted in this. You know, I don't think of myself as anything unique, but I do think I believe deeply that destiny brought me here. There's no other explanation for it.

• 1:03:10Speaker 00

  Destiny decided that I will be the person who will take the stage and say all these things that today are giving hope to millions of women and not just Indian. Just so you know, my live audience is all actually mostly not Indian because Indians don't want to pay for comedy.

• 1:03:30Speaker 00

  They're such cheap fuckers. They don't want to be. If it was an MCAT prep, they would all be there. Moms, dads, everybody would be there. But comedy, they're like, oh, we watch her on YouTube. It's the non-Indians who created this business, who came out in huge numbers. It's all the different communities, the South American community. I mean, the Jewish community and I, we are like simpatico. We, because the, because the culture is so identical that it's like the same thing. The oldest son, the doctor, the this, that. So I take it seriously now, you know, I participated. This is something I don't talk about much, but we're on this topic. Like last year, I participated in the Saudi Arabia Comedy Festival. In Riyadh, I was, three women were invited, it was forty-seven men and three women.

• 1:04:15Speaker 00

  I was one of the three women invited to perform. It was very, it was like controversial here as everything tends to be because, you know, there's, everybody thinks they know what Saudi Arabia is, sitting in Brooklyn. But what they don't know is that my material goes all over the world, right? Because of the digital world we live in, my jokes, my comedy special, everything travels. You, you can't control where these things show up anymore. So women in that part of the world watch me in secret. Like the jokes that are open here, it's not so easy for them to watch it. They write me constantly, they're like, come to us, we want, we want our daughters to see you. Because they've never seen somebody that looks like them say these things.

• 1:04:55Speaker 00

  And I really went with the spirit of, if, if I've been ordained to do this by somebody, some higher power, it is my job to spread the message and to let women know that they can say what comes to their mind. Like, that slight freedom, if I can even inspire them to think in that direction, then I'm doing something positive for this world, that's what I believe.

• 1:05:20Mayim Bialik?

  I mean, it just, you know, makes me emotional just to think about it. There are problems in India that, you know, have been being the focus, you know, of, in particular feminist causes and, you know, the, the, the problems are, can seem insurmountable. And I don't mean to place politics on you, it shouldn't be a political issue to talk about women's rights and human rights. But I wonder, does Destiny have a plan for you, you know, in a larger sense of where you find yourself at this, this point in Indian culture as a woman?

• 1:05:55Speaker 00

  I mean, it clearly has a plan for me because I didn't plan this for myself. I didn't know, I'm very reluctant to do comedy in India. I don't like doing comedy when I go to India because my relationship with the country emotionally is very traumatic. I mean, I was kicked out of, of there, that's what really happened. But-

• 1:06:22Speaker 00

  They are my people. That whole region is my people. It's not just India. It's that whole Middle East. It's the South Asians, the West Asians. If you look at us, if you line us up, we all look alike. They wear this kind of clothes. They may or may not wear a bindi, but they're all the same. They look like me. They sound like me. They pull me and I, I, I don't have it in my heart to be like, I'm out. I just don't have it. So even though, like when I went to Saudi Arabia, my kids were dead against it. And it's not the money. Just so people know, a lot of people think that the comics who did it, did it for the money. Money is very important in life, but I'm gonna say this and it's gonna sound a little braggy, but I'm gonna be honest about it.

• 1:07:05Speaker 00

  The comics they invited make a lot of money in, in America. Like they didn't invite the comics who are struggling here, to be honest. We would have all made money. I could, I could do three more shows in New Jersey and make the same money. We all didn't go there just to chase the money. I can't speak for others, but the money was not a motivator for me at all. I'm telling you. I went with the sense that I owe those women something. That somebody opened my eyes to it, right? Somebody opened my eyes and showed me that this is a possibility. And if I'm in the position to do that for others, that I, I have to step up. We can't all be like, I'm not involved. Again, not to get political at all, but we can't afford to not be political either.

• 1:07:50Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? If we all sat around and said, well, it's not my thing, like go, go talk to your representatives, then, then then nobody is speaking for the everyday person. So I really truly went in my heart because I felt a strong obligation to my people. And that's, that's why I went. And I, I'm really glad that I did because the feedback that I got was overwhelmingly

• 1:08:17Speaker 00

  I mean, it's just, it's beyond anything that money can, can, uh, can count.

• 1:08:24Mayim Bialik?

  When I look at it, you know, through this lens that you're presenting, it's almost like it's an act of protest, meaning a protest against everything that would tell you, you don't belong here, you don't have a voice here, but the thought that you as a woman can now hold a place where women who have no voice can see what it's like to be a woman with a voice. I mean, that's a, it's an act of protest, right?

• 1:08:51Speaker 00

  It very much is. And, and honestly, it's also a slight, a very slight capitulation by the regimes that run these places, that they do need a woman on the lineup. They didn't have to invite us. They could have ignored us. They could have just had 50 men. I mean, they do a lot of things which are men only, but even they are now understanding that is it really in your best interest to like exclude half your world? Is it? You know? And even though there are plenty of problems there, I'm not, there's no defending a lot of things that go on there or here, for that matter, right? But if they are opening

• 1:09:34Speaker 00

  that door, even for the slightest ray of sunshine to pass through, is it not our job to like help push it open even that little bit more? That, that's the spirit in which I went there. But it wasn't the money. A lot of people here, it was all, oh, how much did you get paid? It wasn't that much. And everybody who got invited has their own show and their sitcom. And look, look at the lineup. These are all people who are like, they're hosting the Emmys, they're hosting, like, you think those jobs aren't paying well? Like, they're fine, you know? And certainly not me, even though I'm not even at that level, it would have been three gigs in, in Bergen County.

• 1:10:13Mayim Bialik?

  Your family is now part of this larger world of comedy. Um, and there's something, you know, really kind of funny and refreshing about seeing, you know, your very American kids, right? Um, there's one video that we were looking at where your daughter's in like little short shorts and kind of like a cute top and you're like, put on a caftan and eat something, right? Like- Can you talk a bit about using, I don't mean using in a, in a bad way, but utilizing, you know, your family and also that kind of cultural dichotomy to create funny?

• 1:10:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, my family is not a part of it today. We are a family business. I'm the face of it. We were together since day one. I mean, they saw all this before I knew what it was. And what happened was that once my comedy started getting popular, once my online, the social media stuff started getting popular, every question was like, what does your daughter think? What does your son think? So I was like, you know what? Why don't we just ask them? That's what created the launch of the podcast, our family podcast. I was like, hear it from them. I don't need to be filtering everybody's thoughts constantly. Again, I did it from a spirit of South Asian families do not talk at all.

• 1:11:32Speaker 00

  We, my mom died. No one told me. I found out. That's how little we talk to our kids. It's the truth. I heard from like my neighbors and the servants whispering that she's dead. We don't talk to each other. And now I learned that it's not just the Indians. There's a lot of community. Not every family is sitting around a dinner table, having these highfalutin discussions about life. And like, most of us are just trying to get by, right? Day, day to day.

• 1:12:01Speaker 00

  So I started this podcast thinking, okay, the people will hear what my kids think. And maybe this inspires other families to talk to each other. That's it. That's how that started. Also, I was a little resentful. I was like, why am I the only one working? Everybody get on. Everybody turn the cameras on. Let's see, let's see what you have to say. But now that we're doing it, it's not just me who got destined and ordained to do this. It's my whole family. Like, my daughter is very much a part of it. My, we are today, right? This week, we are at a beach in Florida because I have shows at the end of Florida, where we are recording an episode of how Indians go to the beach.

• 1:12:43Speaker 00

  Because we don't go to the beach the way white people go to the beach or black people go to the beach. We go with our math problems. We go with our abacus. We study the sun. Like, we like doing all these things. We don't even go out when it's sunny. Most people are like, oh, my God, the sun's out. We wait for the sun to go down. Uh, but we're gonna make an episode about it. We're gonna have fun with it. And hopefully, it's gonna normalize that way of going to the beach in America. Everybody doesn't have to be in a bikini and like, you know, my daughter, yeah, that reel that you're talking about is wildly viral right now. Where she's like, I'm anxious. Well, you're gonna be anxious of all like, she's that new generation. She's like, I did my yoga, I drank my water, I took my vitamin D. Why am I not happy?

• 1:13:28Speaker 00

  Like, it doesn't work like that. Maybe eat a donut. Eat a donut. You will be happy. The odds are better.

• 1:13:39Mayim Bialik?

  I'm gonna ask you a hard question.

• 1:13:42Mayim Bialik?

  If you could have planned this out for yourself, would you have chosen a quote, easier life by being more agreeable, more quiet, keeping your thoughts inside of your head as your mother told you to? Like, do you see the sort of tension and where do you fall with it now?

• 1:14:04Speaker 00

  There are many days where I'm like, I should have just gotten arranged.

• 1:14:09Speaker 00

  It's a lot easier to just appease one mother-in-law than to make your own life, quote unquote, which sounded a lot more romantic than it turned out being. It is not that easy to make your own life and the whole immigrant thing like, yeah, there's so many people angry about so many immigrant-related issues in America. And sometimes I'm the only immigrant in the room where everybody seems so angry. And I'm like, looking at them, I'm like, none of you quite comprehend what it is to fill out that paperwork, to wait in line for you. Like, you're not getting it. So are there days when I, when I think I wish I had just done that?

• 1:14:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, the guy my dad was gonna arrange me to was very well off. I mean, in hindsight, I may have come out richer. Even with the, you know, with the whole US, America, India money and all of that. But I just wasn't meant to be that person. I just wasn't. I tried, you know. I tried so many years to be that math geek that Indians are supposed to be. I try, I just, I was meant to be this. The writing comes naturally to me. You know, I sit in writers' rooms. I can be a, I can be a machine gun of punchlines. It just comes, falls out of my head. I don't know why, what's broken.

• 1:15:33Speaker 00

  So I don't know anybody. And now that I have kids, there's so many times where I'm like, please don't say that. Because they have their own thoughts and then I have to stop myself because I don't wanna, you know, I don't wanna be that parent. I remember when I was young, we went, we had just come back from somebody's, from a wedding at night. And then the next day, an uncle that we met at the wedding that previous night passed away.

• 1:16:00Speaker 00

  And it was shocking, right? When you just met somebody and they passed away the next morning. And everybody was like, oh my God, like we just met him. He looked fine. He looked fine. And I was like, but you know what? He ate a lot last night. He went well.

• 1:16:15Speaker 00

  He had dessert and everything. I think this was a good way to go.

• 1:16:20Mayim Bialik?

  There's so much emphasis now on the preciousness of America. And a lot of people are embracing a real kind of rejection of many of the things that so many of us hold dear. You know, I'm only here because America took in, you know, my grandparents who were, you know, who were fleeing pogroms and the Holocaust. Like, that's why I'm here. And I'm a very patriotic. You know, I'm, I'm a rebel rouser. I'm a bleeding heart liberal, but I am a very, very patriotic lover of this country as a second generation American. Especially given the attention that our country gets because of our president and

• 1:17:04Mayim Bialik?

  the policies and all of these things, I'd love to give you an opportunity to sort of sing the praises of this country, not because it's your job to make everyone feel okay about America, but you have such a unique perspective and you talk about it a lot in the book, you know, even the cover, it's fantastic, you know. Talk a little bit about what America means to you.

• 1:17:27Speaker 00

  America is so unique. People don't understand, they don't get how special this country is. Like, some, I mean, if you're born here, you're already rich. It doesn't really matter what else you have or don't have because there is no other country like it. And I've lived in other countries, so I'm not just speaking from an Indian person. I've lived in Europe, I've lived, it's not, you know, America hates on itself so much, it's unbelievable. Because anywhere else you go, the reality on the ground, if you, if you remove the layer of the five noisy people on social media, the reality on ground is that people love America.

• 1:18:11Speaker 00

  America today, like I was telling, explaining to somebody just yesterday, that America defines pop culture all over the world. A show that works in America is gonna work all over the world. I mean, do you not know that? We watched you for years, even previous to Big Bang Day. When you were a child, we watched you, young, you know, I remember. Why? Because everything America is aspirational, the freedom that you have here, the ability, the belief that if you work hard, you will make something of yourself. You can't, you can't take that belief for granted. And certainly I could, this situation, this woman with this look and these clothes and this accent cannot exist anywhere else.

• 1:18:55Speaker 00

  I have no doubt, not even in my home country. I won, I learned how to write a screenplay off of YouTube myself, I submitted it. I won the top comedy feature award. Black and white pages, right? Like, no one knew who wrote what, the names are not on it. I, I remember when I did that acceptance speech, was the first acceptance speech of my life. I remember thinking, this would not even happen for me back home. And, and I love my home country, so it's not like I'm, I'm not trying to berate them in any way, it's just reality. Systems are set in this country for excellence to rise, for excellence to thrive. Even our president, as controversial as he is, and I get a lot of hate for even offering a word in defense.

• 1:19:39Speaker 00

  And I'm not, and I'm not a registered Republican or a Democrat, so people can relax, whoever's hearing this. But even the fact that America elected a guy like him would, crazy as it is, a guy who could step in and be like, you know what, I'm gonna do, you can't, where I come from, you have to be the grandson of the grandparent of the grandparent who wrote the constitution of the state and that family will dominate for, for a hundred and fifty years.

• 1:20:09Speaker 00

  And now, look, watch, people will flame me for saying this, even though what I'm saying is true. Even to this day, the person who's running the biggest opposition in India is the grandson, the great grandson. That, so, yes, does this guy in our country have a million problems? Absolutely. But he can't even exist anywhere else. You, that, that hope that a businessman will come in and, and I, listen, I'm sure, you know, you guys in LA especially, very, very liberal, I know. But I'm telling you, there's something aspirational, where people in India look and they're like, where is our Trump?

• 1:20:44Mayim Bialik?

  Maybe we'll send him over there. You know what? We'll give it a ride. Like, give him, give him a chance over there.

• 1:20:49Speaker 00

  Let him retire there. As soon as he's done, or even if he wants to go for early retirement, we should make him, he even likes Indians. I think, until he doesn't like them, who knows?

• 1:20:59Mayim Bialik?

  I was gonna say, for the moment, where can people find out information about the Million Dollar Excuses Tour? Also, you have a Netflix is a Joke show. Tell people where to find out all of the information about you.

• 1:21:11Speaker 00

  Yes, I'm everywhere at Zaragarg, Z A R N A G A R G. On Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, uh, everywhere, all the big platforms. Soon joining OnlyFans, because I heard it's very lucrative. And I'm coming to Netflix as a joke with my own show, the new show Million Dollars Excuses.

• 1:21:32Mayim Bialik?

  Wow.

• 1:21:33Speaker 00

  On May 8th at the United Theater in Los Angeles. And you can, you can find me everywhere. I post content every week, original, everything I post is original, written by me, performed by me and my family. And we do a lot of lighthearted family humor. And hopefully you join us, you know, I just got nominated for a Webby today for best short.

• 1:22:00Mayim Bialik?

  Congratulations.

• 1:22:01Speaker 00

  For my Malala Almost Therapy skit, which I am also.

• 1:22:04Mayim Bialik?

  Oh, yes.

• 1:22:05Speaker 00

  I am also the world's leading almost therapist. I solve a lot of people's problems very quickly with my proprietary therapy mechanisms. So you are invited to explore those as well on my Instagram page.

• 1:22:17Mayim Bialik?

  We want our own private session, but we'll, we'll see if we can arrange that. The book is This American Woman, A One in a Billion Memoir. Zarna, you, you really are, you are such an inspiration and just you're, you're absolutely incredible and we wish you only good things. And thank you for the joy that you spread and also the, the education that you give us all about what is funny and what can be.

• 1:22:39Speaker 00

  Thank you so much for having me. I'm such a big fan. This is such an honor. You're giving so much light to my work. I really appreciate it. Anytime you guys want, you know, you need a little laugh, call me, I'm happy to yell at anybody. I do this actually. Somebody's kid is doing, going for some crazy college program or going away on some extreme adventures. I now have parents, they're like, what pay you? Can you talk to them? And I will like, yes, I will, I will.

• 1:23:06Mayim Bialik?

  It's a great side business.

• 1:23:07Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:23:08Mayim Bialik?

  Zarna, thank you so much.

• 1:23:09Speaker 00

  My am so sweet. Thank you, I'm a big fan.

• 1:23:15Mayim Bialik?

  Jonathan, I know you wanted Zarna to be our almost therapist. Do you want me to try?

• 1:23:20Jonathan Cohen?

  No, what I really wanted her to do was point out each one of our deficits and what type of match we would get.

• 1:23:28Mayim Bialik?

  You know what?

• 1:23:28Jonathan Cohen?

  If, if we were on the market for an arranged marriage.

• 1:23:32Mayim Bialik?

  I don't need Bashar and I don't need the Z's. I just need Zarna. I feel like that information might be very similar.

• 1:23:39Jonathan Cohen?

  We were doing an episode and, and one of the guests was like, Oh yeah, couples or people who are able to, you know, jab and make fun of each other. Um, it's the best sign of closeness and we were bragging. We were like, oh, we make fun of each other all the time. And then we started into it and it was like

• 1:23:57Mayim Bialik?

  I was like, pull up, pull up.

• 1:23:59Jonathan Cohen?

  Three jokes in.

• 1:24:01Mayim Bialik?

  What'd you say? Now I don't remember. You're so mean.

• 1:24:03Jonathan Cohen?

  No, I'm gonna, you'll crumble.

• 1:24:05Mayim Bialik?

  This is like

• 1:24:07Jonathan Cohen?

  You're like, your nose is big. I'm like, yeah, I know. You're like, your forehead is funny. You have no eyelashes. I'm like, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. I said one thing, you're like, just, you just started crumbling. I'm like, I went too far.

• 1:24:19Mayim Bialik?

  Well, we'll leave the almost therapisting to Zarna. We will stay out of it. I really enjoyed the book, obviously, This American Woman, and just so excited we got to speak to Zarna.

• 1:24:30Jonathan Cohen?

  She kind of describes going to the beach like you go to the beach.

• 1:24:32Mayim Bialik?

  That's exactly right. I wait till the sun goes down.

• 1:24:35Jonathan Cohen?

  And you bring your abacus.

• 1:24:36Mayim Bialik?

  She is America's first Indian immigrant mom comedian. She's unbelievable. Such a, such a delight to get to talk to her. And from our breakdown to the one we hope we never have, we'll see you next time.