This Outdated Message Keeps Women Trapped. Stop Believing This LIE!

My life-changing annual event, The Summit of Greatness, is happening September 12 & 13, 2025. Get your ticket today! Sage Robbins opens her heart about the most unexpected gift of turning 50 - finally feeling at home in her own skin after decades of seeking approval from everyone else. After a 20+ year fertility journey that included miscarriages, IVF, and doctors recommending chemotherapy, she became a mother at 47 and discovered that her greatest teacher wasn't found in any seminar room, but in the eyes of her four-year-old daughter. Through raw vulnerability, she reveals how 25 years of marriage to Tony Robbins taught her that the phrase "can we begin again?" holds more power than any relationship advice, and why the moments that break us open are actually the ones that set us free. You'll walk away understanding that your struggles aren't obstacles to overcome - they're invitations to discover who you really are beneath all the stories you've been telling yourself. Sign up for Sage’s She’s Unstoppable SummitDate With DestinyIn this episode you will:Transform your relationship with aging by discovering why your 40s and 50s can be your most powerful decades, not your declineBreak through the victim mindset by asking one simple question that immediately shifts you from blame to empowerment: "What am I missing?"Discover the parenting secret that teaches children emotional regulation in 30 seconds - and why meeting every demand creates the opposite of what you wantMaster the relationship reset technique that saved a 25-year marriage: how two words can instantly dissolve conflict and create deeper intimacyUnleash your authentic self by learning why external validation is an addiction that keeps you from experiencing the ease and peace that's already inside youFor more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1807For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Dr. Caroline Fleck – greatness.lnk.to/1774SCMel Robbins – greatness.lnk.to/1710SCMichelle Obama – greatness.lnk.to/1767SC Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  There was one main thing that is blocking you from reaching your full potential. And it's all because you're trying to do everything alone. And that's a big problem because real growth happens when you build a community. When you're in a room full of people who want to see you thrive, who supports you, becoming your best self. And if that's something you're looking for, then make sure to join me at the Summit of Greatness, live at the iconic Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles, down in Hollywood, September 12th and 13th. Because this year is a powerful lineup of incredible speakers and performers like Gabby Bernstein, like Dr. Tara Swart, like Brendon Burchard, Amy Purdy, and so many more inspiring surprise guests.

• 0:44Lewis Howes?

  You'll experience a couple of days of transformation and inspiration and deep connection with a community that actually gets you and wants to see you thrive. Tickets are selling fast, so go to lewishouse.com/tickets right now to get your seats. Bring your friends and family, and I can't wait to see you there at the Summit of Greatness very soon.

• 1:08Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back, my friends. I hope you're having a blessed and grateful day today. And if for whatever reason you're feeling stuck, or you're feeling like there's a breakdown that's been happening in your life, and you just can't figure out how to break through and get through this challenging season of life. I hope you know that we are here to support you. And I know how painful and challenging time can be. And I hope you know that there's a season for everything. And I've experienced so many challenging seasons of my life. And the only way that I was able to really overcome them was not by escaping it or not by running away from it, but by facing it with courage and compassion head on.

• 1:50Lewis Howes?

  And the longer I resisted, the longer I just didn't talk about the thing that was bothering me. The longer that I avoided people, the longer that I kept people pleasing, the more suffering I had, the more pain I had, the more anxiety, the heavier the weight felt on my chest. The more I would stress out, all that stuff, the more I lacked sleep. And so this is your friendly reminder that you are deserving of peace, of love, of harmony in your life. You're deserving of feeling emotionally and physically free, but you've got to be willing to do the work. You've got to be willing to dive in and I hope you're in that journey. And you might be in that journey because you're here listening on the School of Greatness. And I hope I've been able to be a companion for you in your journey.

• 2:33Lewis Howes?

  And that's what this show has been for me through the, the good times, the challenging times and everything in between. I keep showing up and interviewing guests that support me. And hopefully through my journey, this is able to support you as well. And today we have a very special guest. Her name is Sage Robbins. And in this soulful and deeply personal episode, I sit down with Sage for a vulnerable exploration of growth, of discomfort and the beauty of evolving through life's challenges. Sage opens up about the internal journey of letting go of old conditioning, the exhaustion of people pleasing and the wisdom that only time, pain and reflection can provide.

• 3:13Lewis Howes?

  And we really dive into how to move through fear, how to embrace discomfort as a teacher of ourselves and how to show up more authentically in every stage of life. Why discomfort is often a sign that growth is happening beneath the surface. So if, again, if you're facing discomfort right now, there's something inside that's happening. There's something deeper that is rumbling inside of you that, that is shaken, that is going to be strengthened through this journey, if you're willing to go through it. You know, Sage is someone I've known through Tony Robbins for many years of seeing her on stage, at events and behind the scenes, but she is starting to really come out and share her voice. She has incredible wisdom and leadership and just so much knowledge.

• 3:59Lewis Howes?

  And she's in a new chapter of her life as well. And I haven't really seen her do any long form interviews. So for me, this was really fascinating to learn more about Sage Robbins and hear her story and her journey. And I hope you enjoy this. She's got an amazing event that she has that she'll be talking about as well. Free online event you can check out, so make sure to check that out. We'll have it linked up in the description and also. If you are looking to come in person to an experience, the Summit of Greatness, this will be our ninth annual event. It's in Los Angeles. Make sure to check out summitofgreatness.com. It is going to be a two-day powerful experience that will open up magic in your life if you're ready for it. So if you're excited to be in person around a community of thriving achievers, looking to grow and overcome

• 4:43Lewis Howes?

  challenges of leaders in the world, from all over the world, flying into Los Angeles, make sure to check it out, summitofgreatness.com, happening this September 12th and 13th in Los Angeles. And without further ado, let's dive into this episode with the one and only Sage Robbins. I'm curious, as a woman, what has been the biggest thing that has held you back personally? That you've had to break through in your life?

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Well, gosh, I think if

• 5:13Lewis Howes?

  We're gonna set you up with an easy question, Star, you know?

• 5:16Speaker 02

  I think if you're human, number one, we all have challenges. I always say if you were to pile yours up, myself, if we all did that, you know,

• 5:26Speaker 02

  I don't think many of us would trade. So I think that that's human. And if I think about, you know, the overcoming or just the, I suppose it's the limits that we self-perpetuate within our minds, fears, beliefs, conditioning. I think that that's the evolution of this human experience is getting over ourselves and really having a willingness to self-reflect and uproot what's false. And that never goes away. I don't have that mastered.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  And so I feel like that's a, that's a continuum. It depends on the context of what life offers or the challenge. But I would say that that's been my experience is just this, you know, life constantly inviting us to lean into the spaces and places at times that maybe stretch us or make us feel uncomfortable. What I've come to experience is just that discomfort is usually what's unfamiliar.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  I don't know if that answered your question.

• 6:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, for sure. What would you say then is a time that's been the hardest for you to overcome? The hardest season of life? Or one of them that you think of?

• 6:44Speaker 02

  Yes, do you know what? I would say, I'd say younger years of the where the external voice of wanting and external love approval and acceptance, feeling like you need to be or you needed to be something, even though there was nothing. But I, once again, I think that goes back to conditioning, the feeling of like, holding up the energy. That's exhausting. That's exhausting. So I'd say, one of the gifts of age, I think, is the falling away of,

• 7:19Speaker 02

  you know, just what feels maybe a little less authentic here now. I find this stage of life and chapter much more, it's just more natural.

• 7:31Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  And I'll look at versions of myself, say, when I was in my twenties. And physically, of course, it's like, you know, wow, looking young. But I wouldn't change this version of who I am today with her.

• 7:45Lewis Howes?

  What do you have now that you didn't have in your twenties?

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Ease. A comfort within.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  Lived wisdom. I think that's the gift of pain is, you know, as pain rearranges us or pain decimates us.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  On the other side of that, I think we have a, or it's been my experience anyways, like just a stronger foundation, a stronger clarity. And lived wisdom, hindsight is always so beautiful to look back. And so I, I think that that's the gift that often isn't spoken about or the lens even of appreciation. Cause you know, you hear women or men turning forty and it's like, what the heck, I'm freaking forty, you're turning fifty. And you know, the notion that life is over. And it's actually been my experience, it's just really a new beginning. But I would say comfort. I know that sounds crazy, just like an ease of being.

• 8:47Lewis Howes?

  Like an inner comfort?

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Yes. Yes, an inner comfort with myself differently when it felt, I don't even know if I was in my body for the first, you know, couple of two, three decades of life. And yes, that's probably been one of the biggest shifts.

• 9:02Lewis Howes?

  It's interesting you say that because I was talking to a younger woman recently, who was in their early twenties. And I was asking them about what's the big thing that that younger women struggle with?

• 9:14Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:14Lewis Howes?

  And she was saying really the external validation.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:18Lewis Howes?

  You know, the social media, applying to look a certain way to get a certain type of validation. And the unspoken or spoken pressures to look prettier.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:28Lewis Howes?

  To be perfect in your career, be great in your relationship, or to be in a beautiful relationship and look like it's thriving. Why do you think so many young women struggle with external validation? As opposed to empowering that internal validation and having ease in their twenties and thirties?

• 9:46Speaker 02

  Well, I can only go back and reference, you know, who and what I was. It's funny, sometimes I'll, you know, look back at pictures and I'll think like, what on God's green earth was I wearing? Like, what was I, what was I thinking? What was I thinking? And I didn't have social media. I just joined social media a year ago.

• 10:03Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  So I've never had that external. But I think, I mean of the social media lens as well.

• 10:09Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  But I think it's, I don't know, I think there's, that's possibly the illusion of life is the, the external dangle is like so much attention and focus. And so, and conditioning as well. You know, not even recognizing the imprinting of who we think we are supposed to be or look like or be like. And I was her, you know, like the, the one that was dressing for others, looking to please others. And ironically, that, that goodness was inside of me. It just, it exchanged fuels. You know, it comes from more of a a natural way of being today, rather than that forced kind of projected.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  I have compassion for that version of myself at this stage of my life.

• 11:00Lewis Howes?

  So you can relate to a lot of the younger women today because you felt like you were that.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  Yes, of course. I think there's that. Don't you relate to that? Don't you relate to that as a man?

• 11:10Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Yes, as thinking of yourself when you were 20 or 30 and

• 11:14Lewis Howes?

  Wanted to be accepted or seen or validated or yeah.

• 11:17Speaker 02

  It's so weird. It's such a wonky. I don't know, it's a reversal. And I think sometimes you can't tell somebody something. I suppose we can reflect the possibility in a kinder way. But a lot of times it's a satiation. It's a satiation.

• 11:33Lewis Howes?

  It's never enough, right? It's this never enough feeling too, once you get it.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  Well, yes, because the external things, they might be pleasurable, but it's not everlasting. It's not a quality of, you know, fulfillment or joy. It's a pleasure is an instant. Attention is an instant. And it fades away. And I think there's also an unconscious, you know, reward of that, you know. It can be addicting. Even with our daughter, it really, it's been striking to me and she's, you know, a lovely. She's got a beautiful heart and, you know, she's a lovely little human being. But how much, everywhere she goes, like people aren't like, gosh, what a lovely,

• 12:19Speaker 02

  you know, you've got a kind heart or she's so sweet. It's always the external. Oh, you're such a princess. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with that. Or, oh, you're so beautiful. And I've never recognized how much we have an external lens, like everywhere. It really, really has schooled me. And so I really look to, and we do as a family, just really. Anchor in that she has such a beautiful heart. That you know, her nature, the qualities, her kindness.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Noticing specifics of her sharing and her goodness. Cause I think that that's the true beauty.

• 13:03Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Of this human experience is our internal grace. Our internal, we were speaking about that. I sensed that in you, Louis. And it's so refreshing for a man your age, just that genuine. You can feel, you can feel what's true. I think we all have that internal sense of that. I don't know if it's safety or. But you can tune in and sense. And I think I find that to be beautiful and rare. And I don't know, maybe that's what's. There's been so much focus on the external. Maybe that that's the gift is life is inviting us to tune back in.

• 13:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  To tune back in.

• 13:49Lewis Howes?

  There's a few things you said that were pretty beautiful that I want to talk about. And the first one, you mentioned fulfillment for women. Like, what is the biggest lie women have been told about fulfillment in life? Or seeking fulfillment? That you've had to unlearn?

• 14:06Speaker 02

  The belief that the unlearning was the belief that I would be happy or fulfilled when X happened. So it was future paced. It was future paced and I recognize at this stage of my life that fulfillment is this moment.

• 14:22Lewis Howes?

  The present.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  It's this space, this moment and.

• 14:25Lewis Howes?

  And being a mom probably reminds you that every moment.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  Oh, being a mother is so beautiful. Rearranging, decimating. I'm so thrilled for you and your lady.

• 14:37Lewis Howes?

  Thank you.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  Louis, cause it's really. It's unbelievable. And as well, just like the extension of love and care and holding space for this little human being. And then I think as well for myself, I have such mad respect. No matter who your parents were and what it looked like, you recognize that, oh, they did this. Somebody did this in whatever capacity that, you know what I mean? They cared for us and loved us enough to be here. Like that floors me.

• 15:11Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  It blows my mind because just it's, uh, it's really, it's inconceivable how much children rearrange our reality.

• 15:22Lewis Howes?

  And what's the biggest lesson Motherhood has taught you at this season of life?

• 15:26Speaker 02

  What's the biggest lesson?

• 15:30Speaker 02

  I would say that I'm just a puzzle piece. Recognizing that, that I'm just like, we're all just a puzzle piece in these little humans' existence. And recognizing that I'm here to love her and serve her. And sometimes that pleases her and sometimes that doesn't. And that's okay.

• 15:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, not give her everything she wants.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  Oh, because you do. And no, I'm saying, and if you do, you know, that's the voice of the demand. That's the voice of ego. I want, give me this. And then that wires expectation. And I think that actually just watching her and witnessing her and recognizing that dance of sometimes when she's like, you know, I want this or I want that. As I, you know, as she's ushering this little one into or through existence, as I met the demand, the demand only got louder. And that really freaking schooled me.

• 16:31Lewis Howes?

  What does that mean? What does that look like?

• 16:32Speaker 02

  Okay, so say if she's like, you know, I want, and she's crying. And you meet that cry, you meet that demand. Those demands only stack versus actually having a clarity that, I don't know, I love her, but I don't think we're there to just please our children.

• 16:49Lewis Howes?

  Right. You mean if you give in every time she wants ice cream or something that's?

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Anything.

• 16:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  Anything.

• 16:54Lewis Howes?

  And you always give, and you meet that demand by giving in or giving it to her.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  It gets really weird.

• 16:58Lewis Howes?

  Then she stacks more demands, is what you're saying.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  Well, not she, humans stack. I think we are, minds stacks more demands. And so, you know, there's so, everybody talks about narcissists these days. It's like, are narcissists born? Or are they created? And what is a narcissist? Because we've all been one. Everybody talks about narcissism like it's like this external thing and he's that or she's that. And we've all been a narcissist at some point in our life. We've all had the innocent arrogance. And, I mean, at least I have.

• 17:30Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  Can you relate to that?

• 17:33Lewis Howes?

  Probably, yeah. I mean, extreme selfishness, and yeah, yeah, of course.

• 17:35Speaker 02

  Well, and then if you dream, just, if you, if we've been selfish, that's a narcissist. I don't know why I'm talking about this right now, but it just seems. But I will tell you why. Because I'm just, you know, we're at events and so forth, you know, with people and interacting. I witnessed that. And I think it's just been a question for, in my own consciousness of how do we keep this little human being grounded? And true to her own inner voice, rather than the external voice. And I think that's the gift of this human experience is we evolve.

• 18:09Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 18:09Speaker 02

  We evolve and, and hopefully, like, each generation, you know, you learned what worked or you learned what didn't work. So many people are like, you know, my parents didn't express themselves. And it's like, that was that generation that's innocent. And our kids will have their quirks. I don't know what it is. They'll be like, my mom did this, my dad, you know what I mean? Because we, that's it. Like, evolution just keeps finding.

• 18:31Lewis Howes?

  We were too sensitive with them, or, so, yeah.

• 18:32Speaker 02

  Might be. So I, but I think that that's the beauty of this human experience is we evolve and we grow.

• 18:44Lewis Howes?

  As a, as a mother then, and you're seeing these, you know, this incredible human in front of you.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:51Lewis Howes?

  Creating, demanding, crying, showing her beautiful heart, all these different

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:56Lewis Howes?

  facets of her life.

• 18:59Lewis Howes?

  What are you thinking or doing internally to see how you can support and usher her in the world? To become her most empowering self when she's a teenager and in her twenties and having that foundation that maybe you didn't feel like you fully had, or maybe you had like some challenges in your twenties that you had to unlearn? What are those things you're trying to usher in her and you're noticing, you're catching as a mother? They're like, "Oh, I'm repeating something that I don't want to do or I need to catch myself." Like, what is...

• 19:31Speaker 02

  That's a great question. I had, my parents are salt of the earth people. And if I really look at their superpower is they loved us. My dad was in AA, was in AA. And in that space, they reflected their humanness. You know, there was a vulnerability and a transparency in our home. And so I look to be, to speak to my daughter like an adult. I don't speak to her like she's four, even when she was two, like a toddler. I see her as the consciousness that is perceiving and looking through your eyes is the same as what's looking through her eyes. Like, that blows my mind.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  And so I would say witnessing. Giving yourself, not giving yourself, giving them space to be. Giving them space to unfold. If I would say though, one thing that really strikes me about being a mother is how much the perspective of just watching her, just witnessing her. And I don't know, I think we come from the generation before. I don't even mean our parents, like even just, you know, this generation here is parents. A lot of times like you hear the notion of a helicopter parent. I see that. I see the pure intention of it, the love of it, but also just possibly the overbearing.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  And it's like, what's that reflecting?

• 20:59Speaker 02

  That they're perfect, whole and complete, or that they need more.

• 21:02Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Uh, so I always tell our daughter, I'm like, Kenny, you don't need them. If there's, if there's, I'm here if I can help you or support you, but uh, we really look to reflect um, that she's an autonomous human being and she's fully capable. Uh, and I think going back to the meeting the demands. Um, what really strikes me is just that she has, I, you know, there's a lot of science that says that children don't have the capacity to self-regulate.

• 21:34Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  Uh, that's not been my experience.

• 21:37Lewis Howes?

  She's learned how to, or she has the ability to.

• 21:39Speaker 02

  I think both. I think, I think it's intrinsic. That's been my experience witnessing her. But what I recognize as we near, if I say to her, honey, breathe. And I'm telling her what to do, maybe that's, that's useful. But if I join her and, you know, I'll get to her level and say if she was having a big wave of an emotional wave. I do what I do. And I'll say, hun, like, let's catch your breath. And so we'll always pick a spot. I'm like, I'm gonna breathe to the moon, or I'm gonna, you know, breathe to the flowers outside. She might pick something, I might pick something and we'll use our breath. We use our breath and uh, it's so powerful and unreal and she does it completely on her own.

• 22:24Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  Like I'll see her sometimes uh, like before her valet recital or something, or maybe something that she's doing that maybe is unfamiliar for her and she'll be

• 22:36Speaker 02

  and you'll hear her breathing differently and I find that so uh, unreal and so uh, powerful.

• 22:44Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 22:45Speaker 02

  To recognize that we have that innate capacity as human beings and we're all catching up with that reality as adults, you know what I mean? Um, but I think to be able to reflect that, um.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  There's a lot less teaching as a child. It's more being with them.

• 23:08Lewis Howes?

  Being present.

• 23:09Speaker 02

  Being with them.

• 23:10Lewis Howes?

  And being calm with them.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Being with them and yeah, and letting them be. Letting them be who they are and unfold in their own timing.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's really, it's a really humbling, beautiful experience.

• 23:25Lewis Howes?

  What is the thing that you're giving your daughter now that you wish you had when you were growing up?

• 23:30Speaker 02

  You know, I think, I don't know that there's anything different that I'm giving her. Because I think, you know, we offered all, I'm a human being, you're a human being. Our parents are human. And I think, and I think that's also just something that's really humbled me. I have a greater understanding, like, the heck, they felt this way. They felt overwhelmed, they felt this, it's like, you know, we come from a generation, my parents didn't pay enough attention to me. It's like, no joke. Like, you didn't need, like, you're working and you're this and you're taking care of kids and all the external demands and responsibilities that we have. And so, I think, I don't, I don't know, I see my parents as, I'm grateful God picked them for me.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  And I had all the gifts and learned, experienced the gift of it, the pain of it, the good of all of it, you know? But our daughter will have that and your children, or your, you know, child or children in the future will have that as well one day. I'm not a perfect human being. I'm not a perfect-

• 24:32Lewis Howes?

  You're backstage? I thought you were-

• 24:33Speaker 02

  No, but I think that there's freedom in that to be able to reflect that it's, we're meant to miss.

• 24:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  The, I don't know if it was the, like, the root of sin means to miss. And it's like, that's, it's a natural, it's natural, that's how you master something. You're, what's the game you're playing?

• 24:53Lewis Howes?

  Handball.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  Oh, handball.

• 24:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah, now we're getting good.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  Ball, but I'm sure you're, you're not so gifted by hitting, I don't know if you're hitting a target-

• 25:02Lewis Howes?

  You're scoring, you're not scoring all the time, right?

• 25:03Speaker 02

  Okay, whatever the heck you're doing. But scoring, it's not scoring. You learn from as much of scoring. And I just find that to be such a compassionate lens. And my parents didn't per se speak that to me. But I experienced that demonstrated through the recovery of AA.

• 25:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What do you think is the thing that kills women's spark internally the most for women today? Is it something external? Is it something internal they've learned? Is it a lack of learning something? Is it a programming that has blocked them? What do you think is holding women back from unleashing their spark the most?

• 25:46Speaker 02

  I would say for myself, it was, you know, number one, it's overlays of thoughts and beliefs of not enoughness, or I can't. And also the innocent voice that we can all have of the victim, believing that he or she or them or they, that they're the ones who are wrong, rather than the willingness to self-reflect and to take responsibility for our experience and how we're being and relating. I find that to be powerful.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  And in that space of willingness, I suppose, to see ourselves, I think our spark more naturally and intrinsically, our light, our radiance, our essence, our nature, whatever you want to call that, more naturally flows. External blame and demonization. From my own experience, if I look back to times and I'll see that, and you can see it in your face, it's dense. You know what I mean? You can see suffering on our faces. There's that density to it, a heaviness to it. We're all there and we all will be there again. It's human.

• 27:06Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  And I think that's the,

• 27:10Speaker 02

  I suppose, just understanding that can be missed,

• 27:15Speaker 02

  you know, is that the allowance of it all? And the allowance to know that whatever you're experiencing, it's normal, it's okay. And it's a moment in time.

• 27:25Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  And for myself, if I was to go back to a younger version of myself, it's like, okay, this isn't permanent. You're not going to feel this way forever.

• 27:33Lewis Howes?

  So hard to think that, though, when you're in it, you feel like it's gonna take forever to get out of it, to get out of this feeling or, you know, to set myself out of financial debt. It's gonna take forever. Or to get out of this relationship that's holding me down. It's gonna take forever to find someone new. Whatever it might be, it feels like it's, it's taking the life out of you almost. And it's so hard to overcome that. So how does, how do women today not allow the thoughts of not enoughness or the victim mindset that someone else did something to hold them in this current situation? How do they learn to take responsibility when maybe it's just been so hard, thing after thing after thing? Maybe a man, you know, hurt them or lied to them or left them or whatever it might be,

• 28:18Lewis Howes?

  and left them with more responsibilities. Maybe they got fired from their job and they're, you know, they have nowhere to live, whatever it might be. And they're in struggling and suffering.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 28:27Lewis Howes?

  How can they say, well, I'm not a victim?

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 28:29Lewis Howes?

  And actually, I am capable. When they don't have the evidence or the proof internally yet, or they haven't experienced that yet, how can they overcome that?

• 28:37Speaker 02

  I find, and to inquire, to ask questions. Byron Katie's a very different.

• 28:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, she's great.

• 28:46Speaker 02

  She's such a dear beloved sister on the path. Yes, and the work. What I love about it is just, I mean, any inquiry, what am I missing? What am I missing in this situation? Because the mind will always show us the external. And so, you know, what am I missing? I think that's the gift of the turnaround, to self-reflect and to see oneself. Because the truth is, we've all, you know, been hurt. We've all done hurtful things. You know, we've all, like, we've all missed.

• 29:18Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  We've all missed. And so I think like, that's the greatest freedom, is to recognize, we're all not so different. We're all not so different. We're all making our way in this human experience and can be legit at times and beautiful.

• 29:36Speaker 02

  And, you know, as life, there's also, I think, for myself, the fact that, you know, as a younger version, I resisted what was painful, or I avoided what was painful, or I distracted myself from what was painful. And now it's, at this stage of my life, it's like, oh, okay, God, all right, and this too? You know, and this too? Like, and this too? There's a gift in this pain, or the loss, or death, or whatever, or cancer diagnosis, or diagnosis? Because, I mean, we've certainly had it all. I thought I was gonna lose Tony a number of years ago. He had an internal bleed that we weren't aware of, and he was on stage. And yet, as I reflect back to that chapter of our life, and it was really painful and scary,

• 30:21Speaker 02

  I also see that they were some of our most intimate, like, moments, like those moments when death comes closer. I think it really wakes us up, or at least it... That's certainly been my experience to... I don't know, what, maybe possibly we took for granted, or took for granted the moment or years before, as life changes, or our parents age, or a diagnosis comes, or your partner, your children, they have a diagnosis, or even with my own health. I think it just, it's really like it rattles us to the core to,

• 31:04Speaker 02

  I don't know, shake us awake to not miss the miracle. That no matter how painful or what is ever is happening in life or even on the world stage. You know, you look at social media and the news and there's a lot of confusion and and wars and you know, a lot of just innocence in this human, in this human experience. But the only world that I can really affect is here and that affects the world around me. I find that really powerful in freeing to recognize that, okay, yes, it's like I, we can get all so seduced out here and our tension is out here that we can miss, how am I being?

• 31:50Speaker 02

  How am I being in this moment? And I don't know, we, I just read a statistic the other day that we breathe, the average adult, our bodies breathe on average two, I think 20,000 to 25,000 times a day.

• 32:04Lewis Howes?

  Wow, breaths.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  Breathes, breathes, like that blew my mind. And like life is within us and life's a miracle. And no matter how painful or complicated or overwhelming, there's still the gift of life that is happening. I woke up this morning, I, you know, my body's being breathed, I did nothing for that. We all think we're so, you know, brilliant and doing all these things and yet we can miss that actually there's a miracle of life that's happening actually within us and around us.

• 32:38Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  And around us and I, I, I find that to be stunning. And if I was to say one of the greatest gifts that our daughter has really. Invited us to is children bring their lens of awe and their lens of wonder because

• 32:55Lewis Howes?

  Everything is awe.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, because their aperture is so open and expanded. But it's the simple things. You know what I mean? Like it's the, it's a rock, it's an ant, it's a flower, it's a leaf. Every day our daughter goes up to class. She's like, Mom, do you have something for me? And so we exchange a gift, but the gift is usually a leaf, a rock, a stone, a little flower, like sometimes a stick. You know, today she, in the car, she, she wrote me right before I left. She's printing her name and so she wrote, you know, her name and, and mom and love and hearts. And, and I was just, I don't know, it's so, the simplicity of life and the beauty of noticing.

• 33:41Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  Of noticing.

• 33:42Lewis Howes?

  Wow. When do you think was the season of your life where you felt like you were the most in victimhood in your own personal life?

• 33:51Speaker 02

  Well, I think we can, I mean, mine can still, ego is such a seductress for all of us. And by the way, I don't think this is just female, this is human. This is human. And so, you know, I look to catch that voice. I'm aware when I'm in victim mode, when I'm only seeing the external as the wrong. You know, he did this, I, I remember as young, I'll give you an example. I used to, I remember saying to Tony, like, you know, you don't understand me. You're not being present with me and I wasn't present with myself. I didn't understand myself. How could I expect another human being to understand me?

• 34:35Speaker 02

  I, I wasn't tuning in and, and inquiring to be able to even see what or, or witness what I was believing and thinking.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  So, you know, if I hear, everybody knows what that voice sounds like. It's righteous and, you know, the external, it's, it's you did this. How could you? That's what it sounds like. You never, why don't you? That's the voice of the victim. We all do it at times. And then, so I think freedom is, you know, the other day.

• 35:11Speaker 02

  I had a moment with Tony and I heard myself and I was just like, "Hon, this has nothing to do with you." "Like, this has nothing to do with you. This is all inside of me right now and thank you for your grace." He was just there. I was like a force of nature coming. If there was a hurricane coming to me, he was like, "What the heck?" But it was just, it was honest. Life, I think, you know, emotion is moving through us and I think it's different than emotionality, different than the drama of it. The voice of the victim is always very dramatic and wants to share and the sympathy of, you know, all those, "You won't believe this" and, you don't know, and it just grows. It is.

• 35:50Lewis Howes?

  The drama of that, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Different than just raw emotion moving through you and, and I think that that's, it's honest to allow emotion.

• 36:04Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  To, uh, has a voice of itself and to express itself because it's life force.

• 36:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. But do you feel like there was a season of life or a year of life or a decade of life where you were like more in victimhood mentality than?

• 36:20Speaker 02

  Twenties, thirties.

• 36:21Lewis Howes?

  Twenties and thirties?

• 36:22Speaker 02

  Twenties and thirties.

• 36:22Lewis Howes?

  And what did that?

• 36:23Speaker 02

  But I mean, there's a falling away.

• 36:25Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 36:25Speaker 02

  And by the way, that's.

• 36:26Lewis Howes?

  It's not every day.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  It is every moment.

• 36:28Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 36:28Speaker 02

  And it still can be today.

• 36:29Lewis Howes?

  Of course, of course.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  Don't you relate to that? Can you relate to that?

• 36:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Hearing the, the, the voice of like, "What the heck? Like, why'd you do this? So she did this, he did this."

• 36:37Lewis Howes?

  A month ago, I was traveling in Spain and my, my home got broken into, right? It was that broken into and I was like, you know, "Why did this happen?" And I was really frustrated and it was a violation and privacy and all these things. And I was like, and as a kid who grew up feeling abused through sexual abuse that I went through, that I've talked about publicly many times, that abuse, it was like, it's always been in me. It was like wanting to protect and, and defend myself against abuse. Right? Or something not being right and feeling like, "Oh, that, that person took advantage of this person," or "They're trying to take advantage of me," or whatever the story is.

• 37:13Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 37:14Lewis Howes?

  So I've had to learn how to not be a doormat and say, "Oh, walk all over me and do whatever you want." But also not take it personally and let it rob me of my joy.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  That's beautiful.

• 37:26Lewis Howes?

  You know what I mean? And it's like, it doesn't mean for a few days I wasn't angry and frustrated. And I'm not gonna spiritually bypass my emotions and just be like, ah, everything's gonna be okay. Like, it's not. We have to take action and take certain measures to make sure we're protected, all these different things. And I'm allowed to express and experience whatever I wanna feel, right? But I don't want that, those people who robbed my home to rob my heart longer. I don't want them to rob my emotion, my energy, my thoughts from creating goodness in the world.

• 37:57Speaker 02

  That, that's a, that's what I'm pondering as you say that. Does anybody, can anybody rob our heart? I'm curious.

• 38:03Lewis Howes?

  I think we can allow them to if we focus and think on it. If I allowed that, that act of them robbing our home, that offense to take it personally and to hold on to that so tightly and anger and frustration and police, you need to find these people and get justice for me. I think that could have, I could have robbed myself.

• 38:24Speaker 02

  Okay, that's, that's accurate.

• 38:26Lewis Howes?

  If I allowed that energy to stay stuck inside of me. Yeah, I could have robbed myself.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 38:32Lewis Howes?

  From that victim mentality, right? Sure. And am I justified to feel however I want to? Sure, but is it gonna serve me in becoming the highest, best version of me? To impact people, to feel peaceful inside of my heart and to feel safe and at home within me? No, I'm gonna hold on to that.

• 38:56Lewis Howes?

  So I think I used to have a lot more victim mindset where I would blame and get angry and hold on to stuff for long periods of time.

• 39:04Speaker 02

  Long periods of time, yes.

• 39:06Lewis Howes?

  And it only robbed my joy.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  That's beautiful.

• 39:09Lewis Howes?

  And so now it's, it's just, it's constantly learning how to get back into a centered place, you know, feel the emotions, take the actions I need to take.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 39:17Lewis Howes?

  And then, okay, move forward.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 39:20Lewis Howes?

  Do the best I can to move forward.

• 39:21Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 39:22Lewis Howes?

  Not forgetting about this and saying, ah, I'm gonna trust everyone's gonna be good to me. You know, it's like, there's gonna be stuff that happens and how can I prepare?

• 39:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 39:30Lewis Howes?

  And also be ready when stuff happens. It's interesting, because we were talking beforehand and you mentioned Fiji. I think you said you got married in Fiji, is that right? You got married in Fiji. And I'd been to your guys' place in Fiji in 2018, 2019. I was there for a mastermind retreat with Dean and Tony. And... And everyone kind of went around, I don't know if you were there or not, but we were.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  I was not.

• 39:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you weren't there.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  No.

• 39:55Lewis Howes?

  And so everyone went around for like half a day and was, you know, asking Dean and Tony questions. And we all got to kind of share and for whatever reason, I was the last question, I think. And I asked, um, I asked a question about relationships. Started bawling every time around Tony, he's always kissing my heart. I'm like, ah, you know.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  Beautiful.

• 40:14Lewis Howes?

  We always like, okay, what's the real question?

• 40:15Speaker 02

  That guy.

• 40:17Lewis Howes?

  But someone was asking about like, just what's to come, you know? What should we be thinking about in the future? And he said, prepare.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  Tony?

• 40:26Lewis Howes?

  Tony said, prepare. This was like 2018, 2019, right before pandemic. He was like, prepare, winter is coming. He said this before the pandemic.

• 40:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:35Lewis Howes?

  He said, winter is coming, prepare. And I think if people think, how can I emotionally prepare for life's adventures that are going to throw themselves at me? No matter what, unexpected adventure.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 40:48Lewis Howes?

  If we can be emotionally prepared, we're less in victimhood.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  True.

• 40:52Lewis Howes?

  Because winter is always going to come at some point.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 40:55Lewis Howes?

  It may be a day of winter, maybe a year of winter.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Diagnosis.

• 40:58Lewis Howes?

  You never know, right?

• 40:59Speaker 02

  Death.

• 41:00Lewis Howes?

  You never know.

• 41:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:01Lewis Howes?

  And so how have you learned how to prepare emotionally?

• 41:06Lewis Howes?

  To get out of victimhood as quickly as possible when winter hits you personally or as a family or your business or whatever it might be? How do you prepare emotionally to stay in responsibility and not in victimhood?

• 41:19Speaker 02

  That's a great question. So a couple of things, so Tony, uh, number one, Tony's, uh, he's just been such a pioneer for this space. I love to hear that you went, uh, to Fiji and were with him. Yes, it's so beautiful. And I think prepare is, uh, I'm just reflecting on his, uh, his, uh, advice to you.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  I think, you know, we prepare for business. We prepare through education. We prepare for sports. We prepare for all these things. And yet, we can miss, you know, how am I being, I would say, is probably what is most transformative for me at this stage of my life. And I think, you know, you utilize a lot of tools, whether it's meditation, whether it's prayer, whether, you know, there's so many different modalities to neutralize charges, whether it's tapping or EDM or what they call them.

• 42:18Lewis Howes?

  EMDR.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  EMDR, yes. Oh, there's wonderful and like there's many ways homes or many paths home. And so I think like, you know, learning ways, inquiry, learning ways that unravel the survival mind, because that's all that the victim voice is. It's just survival mind. It's innocent. It's innocent. And for myself, I really, if I'm in survival or if I'm feeling, even if I'm not in survival, even if I'm just in between Zoom meetings or

• 42:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, rushing.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Moving from work to the space to going, having dinners with family or, you know, going to see our daughter. I'll take a moment where I invite my attention and my awareness back to my own breath. And I call it 60 seconds of peace or 60 seconds of grace. And I feel like that practice in the moment, if I feel myself starting to speed up, I'll like drop into this moment because that's where reality sets. That's where reality exists. And I find that to be incredibly powerful. Do you want to do it together?

• 43:31Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 43:31Speaker 02

  All right.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  So sit so you're completely comfortable. And let's close our eyes.

• 43:40Speaker 02

  And as you invite your awareness to this moment,

• 43:47Speaker 02

  noticing the miracle of your breath,

• 43:52Speaker 02

  notice your body being green.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  Noticing the presence behind your breath.

• 44:06Speaker 02

  And just sit and be completely comfortable.

• 44:11Speaker 02

  As your mind wanders, simply invite it. Invite your awareness, your attention.

• 44:21Speaker 02

  Back to this moment.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Gently open your eyes.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  What did you experience? What did you notice?

• 45:00Lewis Howes?

  For me, I just, I feel peace. I feel centered. I feel present. When I do that, when I did that, and when I do that.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  So hence, that's what I find very helpful. Because a lot of times, you know, when I first started meditating, I, and by the way, I still will do, you know, sit in meditation, of course. But then there's the living in between the morning meditation and night meditation. You know what I mean? And it's this moment, it's this moment, and I find that, that was probably only 30 seconds.

• 45:35Lewis Howes?

  30 seconds.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  I don't even know, I was being mindful, we're on air here. But that practice, I find so powerful because it's our energy, our attention being external. That's where at times we can fall asleep. And I find as I, you know, just start to pay attention and bring my awareness back to my breath, which also just connects me to the miracle.

• 46:01Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 46:02Speaker 02

  No matter what is happening, life is still a gift. Life itself, the fact that we're actually even alive. And that can be missed. That can be missed in the busyness and the responsibilities or doing or identities.

• 46:22Speaker 02

  That continues to blow my mind and heart.

• 46:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  And I, even if, say if I'm sometimes sitting at our daughter's gymnastics or something and I'll just close my eyes and just, just take a moment and just, and then also what's amazing is to notice even just the sounds, like there's so much when we're moving quickly that we miss. And it's like we have this whole symphony of life. You know what I mean? Visually, it's a feast and, or like acoustically that we can miss that I, I've never, I think that's been one of the greatest miracles and powers of having these little humans in our life.

• 47:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  They call us here now, uh, to this moment.

• 47:07Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm. Visually, it's a feast. I've never heard that. That's cool. It is a visual feast. It's like, there's so much around us.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  Yes. Or even sometimes like, you know, like sun and light and illumination or the moonlight and like, it's just, wow, like, life is really beautiful.

• 47:23Lewis Howes?

  Yes, it is.

• 47:24Speaker 02

  Life is really beautiful. And to notice that at this stage of my life, when I noticed all that beauty was always here. And innocently how we can miss so much, Lewis.

• 47:40Lewis Howes?

  Couple of things I'm hearing you say, Sage, about getting out of victim mindset, whether it be in a moment or days or years or whatever, yes.

• 47:48Speaker 02

  Innocently.

• 47:48Lewis Howes?

  Couple of things I'm hearing you say is, um, asking the quote, the question, what am I missing? In this moment.

• 47:54Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 47:55Lewis Howes?

  When I'm feeling overwhelmed or like someone has hurt me or taken advantage of me or I'm not getting what my friends are getting and, and life isn't working the way I envisioned.

• 48:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 48:05Lewis Howes?

  Instead of blaming. Asking the question, what am I missing? That's what I'm hearing.

• 48:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, what am I missing? And is it true? That's the gift of Katie's.

• 48:12Lewis Howes?

  Yes, is this true?

• 48:14Speaker 02

  Is this true? And now, what I've come to recognize, mind, you know, has a, well, it has a mind of its own. So the story gets long. And, you know, before, I never used to write, like, and actually inquire and fix it on paper. And I thought I was doing it so well in mind, but mind's working so quickly. But I find to actually, just in a simple statement, to write down the belief, the thought, the whatever it is, you know, she was so harsh with me. You know, she's always so harsh with me. I'm making it up right now. Actually, writing it down and being specific about the situation in a short sentence, so you don't get into the drama of it.

• 48:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, the story.

• 48:55Speaker 02

  Yes, the story of it. I find that's very helpful for me.

• 49:01Speaker 02

  Like I said, you know, I shared the example of the day with Tony when I walked into the room. And there's some family members of mine that have been having some health challenges. And I was just, I was feeling overwhelmed. I was feeling scared in the moment. And, and then you're walking into a space and I, I was missing what he was experiencing because I was in me. Do you know what I mean? And so I think that's the gift when we are relating and in relationship and the freedom where both people are saying like, hey, this is my responsibility. That's your responsibility. And I think, but not in a harsh way. It actually creates more closeness, more intimacy.

• 49:44Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  Because rather than you did this to me, you always say that. Why are you so loud? Why, whatever, you, it's, you always know you're in the kind of more that mindset. And by the way, you can drop victim. You could just call it egoic or fear mind or survival mind. You know, if the victim is like, oh, that doesn't feel right to me. Just okay when I'm in survival. It's just kind of, it's human.

• 50:06Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm, yes.

• 50:07Speaker 02

  It's human. This isn't, it isn't male, it isn't female. It's just human. And I, I feel, I know what it feels like to be in that state of mind. It's overwhelming, it's scary, it's, it's yuck. It feels resistant. Fighting with reality, believing that life should be different. What, for me? That's absurd.

• 50:28Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 50:28Speaker 02

  Life is what it is. And it's, it's just kinder when we. I suppose can come to a place of acceptance with what is. That doesn't mean that it's you don't feel all the emotion.

• 50:41Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  Um, at times, but it's certainly a saner, kinder reality. It would be like when when you were robbed and you got to the point where it's like, okay, I don't know, I'm projecting right now, but at some point it's like, this is what it is. You can be mad about it, you can be angry about it, but does it change it?

• 50:58Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  It doesn't change it. That's unreal to me. I miss that as a younger version of myself.

• 51:05Lewis Howes?

  You missed it?

• 51:06Speaker 02

  I missed I missed seeing that, like being whatever it's like the inefficiency of being so mad or angry or judging what was and just so it was inefficient.

• 51:19Lewis Howes?

  Did you used to hold on to anger more in the past?

• 51:21Speaker 02

  Yes, absolutely, absolutely.

• 51:23Lewis Howes?

  Would it be like you'd hold on for days or weeks or years or what would you'd hold grudges or you'd?

• 51:29Speaker 02

  You know, uh, I selfishly, I like to feel it's so selfish. I prefer to feel free inside.

• 51:38Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 51:39Speaker 02

  I prefer it hurts to not forgive. It's painful to not forgive. It's painful to not let go. Uh, it's painful to only demonize others and not see my puzzle piece. How, what can I shift? Um, and so, you know, forgiveness in my own life at times when I haven't, ouch.

• 52:04Lewis Howes?

  There are a few more.

• 52:05Speaker 02

  Yes, it's so painful to hold that level of constriction, to hold that perpetual story. Uh, it's just kinder and saner to let go. And so, uh, many times, I think that's the gift of life is it offers us same the moment to be able to draw our breath, to realign. I think also each moment in in uh, mine and Tony's relationship. We'll ask each other, it's like, hon, can I begin again? Can we just begin again? Can we reset? And I, that has been so powerful in our relationship.

• 52:41Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 52:41Speaker 02

  The gift of beginning again. And so we've both committed that if he asks or I ask, that we truly have a willingness to. And so sometimes if I say if I was charged or if I was really Tony will normally change his physiology. Maybe he'll go jump in the pool or go on a cold plunge or something. I don't know why, but I'll I'll go brush my teeth. I wash my face, I'll say a prayer, I'll catch a breath.

• 53:05Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  And I'll come back and you know, responsibility looks like. And you know what, I was so not being my best self and I'm sure I came across harsh and charged and I'm sorry.

• 53:19Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 53:19Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, and thank you for this moment. Thank you for this moment to begin again, because life is always offering us this moment to begin again.

• 53:32Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 53:33Speaker 02

  And I I find that to be so healing and so powerful. Not or the, you know, hey, we had a bad 10 minutes, not even a bad 10 minutes. We just had a wonky 10 minutes, you know, hey, I went to sleep, I was being dreamed.

• 53:47Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 53:48Speaker 02

  I was in the nightmare. Thanks for your grace, thanks for riding that wave with me. Woo, you know, like what the heck. But that dance, that space, I I thank you. You know, Tony and I have been together for 25 years.

• 54:02Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  So you get you get over yourself.

• 54:05Lewis Howes?

  How long married, 25 married or 25 together?

• 54:08Speaker 02

  You know, great question. I think we've actually been married, let me think about this, 25 years. So we've been married 23, that's what 24, no, 24 years we've been married.

• 54:18Speaker 02

  But I, you know, the first 10 years, when you first get together, there's that like enchantment. And you know, it's it's the kind of romance stage of life. And it's exciting and amazing in each chapter. And it's been my experience or or season or decade, you could even say, has had its gifts and its opportunities. I'd say the first 10 years or even maybe 10 to 15 for some, but I'd say the first 10 years is you're getting over yourself. You're getting over your conditioning, your impressions, past relationships, who you thought you needed to be. You're the stuff with parents of you don't know, it's like, okay, this works, but. This doesn't quite feel sincere. This feels more honest.

• 55:03Speaker 02

  The getting over yourself of like if you really for you and your lady like we came it came through time.

• 55:09Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 55:09Speaker 02

  You learn it's like the hand can we begin again or honey I love you way too much to go here right now. I remember one time we were in this lawsuit and he was stressed and I was stressed and we just we had that moment. It was like I love you way too much like I I I don't want to speak this way. I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I I I think sometimes through the egoic filter that we can all have or just the fear mind or survival mind. You know, it's um less willing uh to

• 55:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 55:44Speaker 02

  Admit or to just tidy up our messes.

• 55:46Lewis Howes?

  Take accountability.

• 55:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, just like hey, I missed. It's like I wasn't my best self. Can we begin again?

• 55:53Lewis Howes?

  That's really beautiful that you're able to do that because I've been in many relationships in the past where you know, me or the other person were unable to apologize and take ownership

• 56:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:03Lewis Howes?

  For what had happened, even if it wasn't their fault or my fault, just to say, listen.

• 56:07Speaker 02

  I'm sorry.

• 56:07Lewis Howes?

  I'm sorry.

• 56:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:08Lewis Howes?

  Just say I'm sorry.

• 56:09Speaker 02

  Yes, I'm sorry.

• 56:10Lewis Howes?

  How can we be better?

• 56:11Speaker 02

  And how could I do so? I'm sorry. How can I? That's real freedom.

• 56:15Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  I always cause before it was a we thing and then mind measures what you're doing. At this stage of my life, it's like, okay, and I don't say that like me, what can I shift here?

• 56:27Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  Cause that's what I can change. I can't change him. I can't change her. But I can change how I'm being and I can uproot that like madness by just simply going first. And by the way, Tony is so generous and so such a love and we meet in that willingness to go first.

• 56:47Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  Usually like say if. I don't know, say if I was upset and I was like, I always somehow end up on my closet. And I was like marching off to my closet, a younger version of myself. I, they would tell me, you know, hi, you know what I mean? I think that's the unexpected disarming in a relationship is just go first. Cause otherwise we're waiting for the other person. That he should say sorry to me, she should say sorry. It's all the shoulds and shouldn'ts and it gets weird.

• 57:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 57:18Speaker 02

  It's weird and then we expect them.

• 57:20Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh. I have a, uh, some friends who are married for a long time and, and they have like a, a game within each other in a relationship. That's whoever apologizes first wins.

• 57:30Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 57:30Lewis Howes?

  It's like, and whoever listens to, hey, what did I do that can really support better the next time? Like whoever listens the most.

• 57:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 57:38Lewis Howes?

  And apologize first, like get some type of like winning in the relationship where it's like, it's not about you did this to me. It's like, let me understand you more.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 57:47Lewis Howes?

  And I'm sorry I didn't understand you or I messed up in some way. And, and letting your guard down first as opposed to holding that grudge or, you know?

• 57:56Speaker 02

  Cause the, cause the true winning Lewis is our own inner clarity and our own inner freedom, our own inner way of being. Every time I say, I'm so willing to say sorry at this stage in my life, cause it's so selfish. I wanna, I, I wanna feel free. I, I value ease and peace. And it doesn't mean that I'm that every moment. And so, you know, through all these, I suppose they're just awareness, awareness. Cause it's so, uh, you know, we can just all fall asleep believing it's them.

• 58:32Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 58:33Speaker 02

  Believing.

• 58:33Lewis Howes?

  I know you do a lot of teaching with Tony about relationships and at Date with Destiny specifically.

• 58:40Speaker 02

  Date with Destiny as we share.

• 58:42Lewis Howes?

  Uh, but you also have, um, an event online, she's unstoppablesummer.com that's coming up where you teach just a lot of these different things. I'm curious, in 25 years of the relationship, is that right?

• 58:55Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 58:55Lewis Howes?

  A quarter of a century? That's crazy to think about.

• 58:58Speaker 02

  It left my mind.

• 58:59Lewis Howes?

  In a quarter of a century of being in a relationship, um, at such a high level where you guys are both leaders, running massive businesses, on stage in front of tens of thousands of people every week, every month. Virtually in front of millions of people every quarter, whenever it might be. What is the three biggest lessons you've learned about marriage, intimacy, and relationships over 25 years together personally?

• 59:29Speaker 02

  It only gets better. It only gets better, especially if we're willing to get over ourselves.

• 59:36Lewis Howes?

  The second part is the key.

• 59:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, especially if we're willing to get over ourselves.

• 59:39Lewis Howes?

  It doesn't get better if you're not willing to do that.

• 59:41Speaker 02

  It gets wonky. Gets frickin' wonky.

• 59:46Speaker 02

  Reality is more beautiful than the fantasy of the dream and the romance of what, you know, I

• 59:56Speaker 02

  I, it's I, it's been my experience that like that, I don't know, like it looks this way. It's supposed to look this way. It's supposed to feel this way. But then when you see that life and love, it contains it all. Contains it all. Contains the beauty of it. Contains the mess of it. Contains life, birth, death, all of it. And I think through our trajectory, being together for 25 years, you come to recognize that and it's just, it's actually more beautiful. It's more beautiful and it's, you know, I remember when we first got together and it was always, it was like, you know, we're gonna get married and, you know, we're gonna have a baby.

• 1:00:41Speaker 02

  It was all these things that, you know what I mean? These things that we're gonna do. But I'd say the third thing is actually the most powerful and intimate is actually, it's just, it's the simple, the simplicity, the nothingness, the just being, you know, bedhead in the morning and, or just catching a glance. You know, even if just sometimes it's just that moment that is so much more powerful and true and beautiful than all the things we've, you know, we've

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  worked, we were traveling, doing events like gosh, close to like 260, 75 days of the year.

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  We've worked incredibly. We'd pull like a 20 hour day and not even blink an eye, literally, and still can and do. But we, we make our moments matter. We make our moments matter and.

• 1:01:45Speaker 02

  I was sharing with you ahead of time as well, like having new rituals. You know, we have dinner together as a family and we always start out by saying a prayer. And everybody goes around, our daughter will share what was, what are you grateful for today? What was beautiful about your day? And so we all will start by just saying thanks. And for those that don't believe in God, you can just thank the life that gave you your life, the force, the source that gave you life that breathed those 20,000 breaths within your body today. Give thanks to that. And I think when we do, life is not only more beautiful, but it's more connected to noticing.

• 1:02:29Lewis Howes?

  Yes. You've spoken about God a few times during the interview and also before the episode we were connecting. Was there ever a time where God was not in your life?

• 1:02:40Speaker 02

  Well.

• 1:02:40Lewis Howes?

  Or you were not as connected to God?

• 1:02:42Speaker 02

  Yes, I think life is, you know, you could call God reality. And so you could call God life. I think it's when we're, you know, if I'm asleep and being asleep or dreamed in the nightmare, you know, it's that moment, it's that time. I think it's being, God is experienced through witnessing and noticing.

• 1:03:07Lewis Howes?

  Was there ever a time where you didn't feel as connected to God or felt like, or upset with God or?

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  You know, I'd say just not connected, possibly not even aware or believing that, I'd say, here's something, the younger version of myself believing that God was in this place. You know, that I had to go to this place, maybe it was church or a temple or something. And, and not that God isn't there too. But I'd say that's probably been the greatest shift. Is that, wow, like, God is life. Or if you want to call God, shift God for creation, for the source of our life, however you want to call it. Life itself, love. You know, all the beautiful, intangible, invisible gifts that we're blessed with.

• 1:03:58Speaker 02

  That that's how I perceive God at this stage, that lives inside of you.

• 1:04:01Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:04:02Speaker 02

  Lives inside of me, lives inside of everybody that's tuning in right now. And that's powerful and transformative for myself. Versus I had to go do this thing, or say this thing, or, or, or go to this building. And not that it doesn't include that, of course, if that's true for you.

• 1:04:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:25Speaker 02

  I think as well, you know, maybe the third, when you said is relationship. I think another freedom is, you know, gosh, this is the person that life, that God gave me to love. I, I really think like that's right action in my thinking. I see it differently rather than, you know, Tony always says you trade for your expectations for appreciation. And, you know, I, I don't know, you hear that?

• 1:04:53Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:04:54Speaker 02

  You hear that? And you, you know, as life starts to exchange, but when you really just like, what, I get to love this human being? How cool? Rather than you did this for me, that gets wonky. It gets wonky, at least for me, it did.

• 1:05:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:08Speaker 02

  You know, even with our daughter, just like, wow, what a privilege just to be able to love her and hold space and just actually watch life unfolding and growing and evolving. Cause you know, once you grow to a certain, you know, physical stature of life, you're not growing anymore, but we are growing and evolving internally. But that isn't, that's the intangible. But to actually see life like flowering and like through these little ones, it's, it blows my mind and heart for this. It really does.

• 1:05:39Lewis Howes?

  That's cool. What, I mean. I've been in many long-term relationships in the past that that didn't end up working out, obviously. And we never had God at the center.

• 1:05:52Lewis Howes?

  But in the relationship with Martha, we have God in our center of our relationship. And I'm not saying that's the only reason why it's thriving right now, but I feel like it's a definitely a factor that supports our values, our learning, and things like that. How important has God in your relationship been over the 25 years in making sure it's really helping bond you guys?

• 1:06:13Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:06:13Lewis Howes?

  Spiritually, emotionally, physically, in every way?

• 1:06:17Speaker 02

  Such a core component. I mean, you could exchange God for goodness. You know, like Tony, he's got such a soft, endearing heart, and he'll be moved to tears when he experiences others. Like, you don't need choosing goodness or kindness.

• 1:06:36Speaker 02

  And so gratitude, you know, those are all attributes of this creation. And I think it's beautiful. It's beautiful. And so it's absolutely centric. And I think it's really, you know, I remember when Tony's mother passed, and there's really nothing that we can say to a human being that diminishes one's journey through loss or grief. But we can be with them.

• 1:07:07Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:07:07Speaker 02

  We can pray with them, if that's true or not. And sometimes that prayer is even true. I remember when his mother passed and just putting together like photos and just memories that we had shared. And she loved this big pink elephant. I don't know why I'm thinking of this right now, but it was such simple things that reflected the goodness and the beauty of his mom and their relationship. And so...

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  Yes, and I think the version of the, what's a word? What's that word? Definition of life of God, whatever you want to call it, the life source creation has certainly expanded for me. And that's been very, and recognizing it not only external but internal.

• 1:08:01Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:08:01Speaker 02

  And that's, that's a powerful entering.

• 1:08:06Lewis Howes?

  Yes, I heard Tony once say that, I don't know, I'm paraphrasing, paraphrasing what he said, but he said, "The purpose of our life is to walk our parents home." I don't know if that's how he said it, but I remember him saying that at some point, like, "One of the purposes of our life is to learn how to walk, take our parents home."

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:08:23Lewis Howes?

  Essentially walk them to death.

• 1:08:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:08:25Lewis Howes?

  To their home.

• 1:08:26Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 1:08:28Lewis Howes?

  And I was like, wow, I never thought of it that way. It's interesting.

• 1:08:32Speaker 02

  Well, it's interesting and it's beautiful. And I think like that's, life is, there's the return. You know, there's the return of life, like life completing itself. And I think that that's when possible, right? Action and there's, you know, the West, the East has such a greater,

• 1:08:53Speaker 02

  maybe it's not even greater, it is. A greater awareness of a reverence for your elders. The elders, they have lived wisdom. And in the West, you know, there's, you know, there's less sometimes of that.

• 1:09:09Lewis Howes?

  Appreciation.

• 1:09:10Speaker 02

  And recognizing, and so I think it's, you know, my parents at this chapter, it's so poignant and beautiful and kind to be able to just be with them, to hold my mom's hand, to also just get to know them as human beings at this chapter of life with all that is life is offering them. And it's certainly been a lot lately.

• 1:09:41Lewis Howes?

  What have you learned at this season then with your parents, you know, getting older?

• 1:09:47Speaker 02

  Don't wait to say, "Thank you."

• 1:09:54Speaker 02

  Don't wait to say, "I love you." And to...

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  I suppose, you know, as we notice the miracle in little ones, I see life as that return to innocence, that chapter of life. So letting our parents off the hook, letting them off the hook as we let ourselves off the hook, recognizing that everybody like you, like I, am doing the best I can. I'm not perfect. You're doing the best you can. You know, our parents are doing the best they can. And so that we can hold space and it can be sacred and beautiful and to the best capacity of just... My nephew the other day went and took my dad,

• 1:10:45Speaker 02

  his papa and his grandma. He went golfing and, I don't know, just making those moments matter, I think.

• 1:10:52Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:10:54Speaker 02

  In our business, we can miss that generation. And then, once they go, life can change in an instant. We never know who's gonna be here today or tomorrow.

• 1:11:04Lewis Howes?

  That's true.

• 1:11:05Speaker 02

  So don't wait.

• 1:11:05Lewis Howes?

  That's true. You know, speaking of not waiting, I know you mentioned earlier when you were getting in the relationship with Tony and you were like talking about the plans and we want to have a baby and create a family and all these things we want to do. But you struggled with infertility.

• 1:11:20Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 1:11:21Lewis Howes?

  And what has that process been like for you? Part one and part two. I think a lot of women, I'm hearing that a lot of women today are struggling with infertility.

• 1:11:31Speaker 02

  Men too.

• 1:11:32Lewis Howes?

  And men too, right? And it's like the, you know, and there's a shame, there's a guilt, there's an unworthiness for some people that is like surrounding that.

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:11:42Lewis Howes?

  Did you experience any of that? How did you overcome that if you did? And what has the process been like for you?

• 1:11:50Speaker 02

  Well, I think there's like, there's many paths to life and there's many paths to... Some people, my sister got pregnant like that. Do you know what I mean? Like she had babies, like, I mean effortlessly. Yes, for myself, it was a different path. And I never imagined I'd be 47. It was like over a 20-year journey. But miscarriages and IVF and all the, you know, experiences of disappointments or because really a disappointment is just wanting life to be different than what it was. I feel like I miscarried a number of times. But I feel like it schooled me to, I don't know, I thought I knew what surrender was.

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  I thought I was doing it, but through continual losses and then also, you know, I once you go through all of that and then I had a doctor. I went to some specialists because I was miscarrying so often and so frequently. And I had this rare genetic disorder that my body was attacking itself, even even a little one like an autoimmune type circumstance. So they recommended chemotherapy and radiation and it was just, it looked different. It looked different than I ever imagined. And at this stage of life, I'm so grateful that it came in the timing that it did.

• 1:13:12Speaker 02

  And I wasn't always trusting divine timing and I was impatient at times along the path. And those were the times and spaces that I suffered, wanted life to be different than what it was.

• 1:13:25Speaker 02

  But I matured and I grew and we never would have had the capacity to travel this world and meet so many beautiful human beings and do the events that we have the privilege to share. And life grew me up. And, you know, I, I don't know, I'm really passionate actually about people taking a sacred pause and having life at a little bit of an older chapter of life. When it's possible, because I think we have more to offer them and that more is

• 1:13:55Lewis Howes?

  More wisdom, right?

• 1:13:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:57Lewis Howes?

  More time, more wisdom, more presence.

• 1:13:59Speaker 02

  Everything.

• 1:14:00Lewis Howes?

  If you're 20 and you need to work full time.

• 1:14:03Speaker 02

  Or even if you're 14 and you need to work full time.

• 1:14:05Lewis Howes?

  That's true.

• 1:14:07Speaker 02

  You can still catch a beat differently to witness and notice a miracle.

• 1:14:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:14Speaker 02

  You know, but there's no mistakes, whether if you're, your listeners who are young and they're having a baby, that's beautiful. That has its gifts because whatever our life circumstances, it's just all here to hopefully grow and evolve us.

• 1:14:26Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:14:27Speaker 02

  Or humble us anyways. And that humbling on the other side grows and evolves us.

• 1:14:31Lewis Howes?

  Yes. And what's the biggest lesson your daughter's taught you?

• 1:14:35Speaker 02

  That to be here now, recognizing, to love her, as I mentioned earlier, to just to serve her. And that doesn't always please her, I'd say that's been probably the biggest. And to know that I'm not the teacher. I'm not the teacher. I feel very much a student.

• 1:15:02Speaker 02

  I feel very much like I don't have all the answers. And she offers so much wisdom. And I think sometimes, as, I don't know, I think, I did. I had a unconscious belief or thought that it's like, oh, you have to teach everything, you have to.

• 1:15:20Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh, this little human has schooled me so greatly. And I recognize, like, baby, all that you think you know, wherever you think you've arrived, I just take care of. Right back down to like planet Earth. And she has so schooled me. She has so schooled me so beautifully. And she has offered so much, and I learn so much from her on a daily basis. That's the truth of it.

• 1:15:47Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  I'm always, like, we're in class, and I'm like, she asked me about dinosaurs, and I'm like, did I even go to school? Like, I'm serious.

• 1:15:54Lewis Howes?

  I feel like.

• 1:15:55Speaker 02

  Did I even go to school? She, what she is, I'm blown away.

• 1:16:00Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 1:16:00Speaker 02

  And she'll be like, Mom.

• 1:16:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I tell Martha, I'm like, you're gonna want to do all the schoolwork stuff, because I was, I'm not gonna remember any of this.

• 1:16:09Speaker 02

  Yes, I don't, I don't, but, but you know, I think that's okay. And many times I'll say to her, I'm like, honey, I don't know, actually. I don't know, but let's go, let's go discover this together. And I think, I see she very much, she loves to be able to, I think we all do, to feel seeing that her voice and what she thinks and how she does it, we're all autonomous beings. And I think to reflect that to our children is powerful. It's powerful.

• 1:16:43Lewis Howes?

  That's cool. I've got a few more questions for you, Sage.

• 1:16:46Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:16:46Lewis Howes?

  I want to make sure I let people know about an event that you're doing. It's a free virtual event coming up here very soon called She's Unstoppable Summit dot com.

• 1:16:55Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:16:56Lewis Howes?

  It's a two or three day event.

• 1:16:58Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:16:59Lewis Howes?

  And it's mostly going to be you teaching and educating and sharing with people, even though you say you're still learning, but you're you have a lot of wisdom too to share. And you're going to be sharing a lot over these two or three days. What's the biggest takeaway that you think people will gain by by signing up for this? And is it mostly for women?

• 1:17:17Speaker 02

  Yes, it is.

• 1:17:18Lewis Howes?

  It's an all women's virtual event?

• 1:17:19Speaker 02

  Yes, and to give you context, last year, Lewis, we had close to five hundred thousand women too in from all around.

• 1:17:25Lewis Howes?

  Let's go.

• 1:17:26Speaker 02

  Thank you. Is your handball on? I'm so awkward.

• 1:17:32Speaker 02

  But what was so beautiful is just, you know, sisters being true sisters and honoring and and celebrating and shedding light upon one another. And the beauty, I love being a woman. I love everything about being a woman. And I also have experienced that I think as a woman, we have our own unique challenges. And so the true empowerment that we each have the capacity to free ourselves and that there's tools and strategies to be able to unleash her, you know, all of our aspects of self and as well free our mind from the sometimes self perpetuated dramas and emotionality

• 1:18:16Speaker 02

  and the stressors or anxiety or overwhelm. You know, as women, we're such extenders, you know, we're such extenders. And and also just, you know, all the places and spaces of, you know, caregiving, you know, just external, external that a lot of times we can miss ourselves. And I'm just really passionate about women being and expressing and exploring and and being the most authentic rating versions of ourselves. Because I think that's what's most decimating about a woman is a woman who is truly connected to her nature.

• 1:19:02Speaker 02

  And you know, there's the external beauty. But internal beauty, it's intangible and it's invisible and yet it's palpable. And it's captivating and life-changing to the world around her, to her family, to her coworkers, to her business. And I think our greatest capacity as a woman, or as a woman, is our capacity to love. So any way to tune into that reality, to that truth, I'm really passionate about. So yes, it's, She's Unstoppable is coming up, August 20th.

• 1:19:36Lewis Howes?

  20th to the 22nd.

• 1:19:37Speaker 02

  21st, 22nd. And it's just two short hours a day and it's virtual and like you mentioned, there's no cost.

• 1:19:42Lewis Howes?

  It's amazing.

• 1:19:43Speaker 02

  Yes, maybe your Lady Martha can.

• 1:19:45Lewis Howes?

  I'll go sign up for it, for sure. I'll go, I'll tell me that too, I'll watch it. I gotta learn, you know, it's like.

• 1:19:50Speaker 02

  Do we all?

• 1:19:51Lewis Howes?

  I'm always learning from women, you know, I'm always learning from women, so.

• 1:19:54Speaker 02

  Incredible, mythical creature.

• 1:19:58Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:19:58Speaker 02

  Like truly, I, I have, being a mother, I have such mad respect for women like I never did before.

• 1:20:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:08Speaker 02

  Like really, it's just unreal.

• 1:20:10Lewis Howes?

  And, and incredible intuition too.

• 1:20:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:13Lewis Howes?

  Like if you can, for all the men watching or listening, if you can surround yourself with a, a woman who is tapped into her intuition, you will always win in life.

• 1:20:23Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:20:24Lewis Howes?

  She will always steer you in the right directions of what to or not to do, or who should be in your life, who should not be in your life, what to watch out for.

• 1:20:33Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:20:33Lewis Howes?

  That's a good business opportunity, I want to do that, like this is a good person on your team, or this is where you should go work, like if you support a woman in your life to, and being present with her, she will be even more in tune and present with herself and give you the world. That's what I've learned.

• 1:20:51Speaker 02

  That's a beautiful statement.

• 1:20:53Lewis Howes?

  That's, I mean.

• 1:20:53Speaker 02

  That's beautiful. And, and is it women or is it the feminine? I think it's.

• 1:20:58Lewis Howes?

  I mean, yeah, I mean, it's all human beings, but I mean, yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:00Speaker 02

  Yes, but yes, it's.

• 1:21:02Lewis Howes?

  The feminine in all of us.

• 1:21:03Speaker 02

  In all of us.

• 1:21:04Lewis Howes?

  Because I feel like in some ways I have a lot of feminine energy as well. And I'm very creative and I feel like I can tap into that when I want to.

• 1:21:11Speaker 02

  I experienced that in you.

• 1:21:12Lewis Howes?

  And Tony the same way. I'm assuming he has a lot of feminine energy and he's able to cry at any moment. And he's tapped into his emotions and it's like it's being connected to yourself, I think.

• 1:21:22Speaker 02

  It is and recognizing that we're not one thing. I'm as male as I feel female. And I have a ridiculous access to the to a masculine force that dwells within us. And I think that's also a freedom to recognize, I think, in unleashing her. Unleashing just, you know, who we are as human beings is to recognize that I don't have to choose. And in each context, it invites or invokes different facets and aspects of ourself.

• 1:21:53Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:21:54Speaker 02

  That makes life more interesting and beautiful. Um, because it isn't this or that.

• 1:21:59Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:22:00Speaker 02

  You know, a universe lives inside of us.

• 1:22:01Lewis Howes?

  Hundred percent. But you guys have taught, I mean, you guys have taught about relationship dynamics, feminine masculine energy for years now together. I've seen some of your content. I know you do this at Day with Destiny and I'm sure you're going to do some of this at She's Unstoppable Summit as well.

• 1:22:15Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 1:22:16Lewis Howes?

  But when a woman is too much in her masculine energy or too much in needing to have control of whatever, everything, or the man she's with, or whoever she's with.

• 1:22:28Lewis Howes?

  What happens when a woman is not able to step back into her feminine energy more frequently? And she's more frequently in masculine or in control in a relationship dynamic?

• 1:22:39Speaker 02

  In a relationship dynamic.

• 1:22:40Lewis Howes?

  What happens in your mind?

• 1:22:41Speaker 02

  Uh, yes, well, I think anytime that one aspect, whether it's could be flipped, men being overly feminine and pleasing.

• 1:22:50Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:22:51Speaker 02

  Women being overly dominant and controlling. And I just find that so interesting, like you look at the reverse of that, male, female, those energies, and the imbalances of being out of alignment with our nature. I don't know, of course, I've been. I've been guilty of, not even guilty, I can get, you know, at different stages caught in that masculine, I think, as a younger version of self, I equated masculine energy to be control, you know, control. And I actually, at this stage, experienced it to be much more liberating. It's less about control and more about clarity, more about conviction, more about accuracy, more about the capacity to have the resistance and the capability to persevere.

• 1:23:35Lewis Howes?

  Certainty.

• 1:23:36Speaker 02

  Yes, clarity of certainty, absolutely. Uh, cause the control, it's a, it's, that just puts us asleep into the whole, you know, we can't control anything in life. Life isn't a constant flux and shift. Uh, every moment, the same with human beings. And so, um, oh yeah, anytime I've ever thought that I've wanted to control a situation, life, a human, never even my husband, God bless, uh, it gets weird and it feels dense and it feels constricting, not only to, to ourselves, but also to whomever, you know, we're with. And so, and that can happen reversed too, you know, that can happen. I think any time and energy, there's, I, I think there's the gift

• 1:24:21Speaker 02

  and uh, the power of the masculine and feminine. And then there's the immature aspects of masculine, the immature aspects of feminine. And so, but that's the gift of this human journey is to, you know, uh, integrate and claim what we're not. I think that's also one of the beautiful aspects of an intimate relationship is the mirror, I suppose, even all relationships for that matters, we're mirroring one another.

• 1:24:48Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:24:49Speaker 02

  And in that mirror, you begin to claim, uh, parts of ourself. We're not even claiming the other, but the other is showing what I'm not and vice versa. I see, uh, oh my word, so much of tone inside of me at this stage of my life. And he'll even tease me and call me Tony Robbins. And I see so much of who I am inside of him.

• 1:25:11Lewis Howes?

  He'll call you Tony Robbins, what he said?

• 1:25:13Speaker 02

  And, and, and then you'll, we'll flip that and I see. Who I, not who I am, but those attributes. Tom laughs so much more today. And just, you know, I'm much more structured and the level that I will prepare today.

• 1:25:29Lewis Howes?

  Whereas before you may not used to be.

• 1:25:30Speaker 02

  No, yeah, before I was just like, and by the way, I, you know, I still prefer in flow in the moment.

• 1:25:36Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:25:37Speaker 02

  But I've built the muscle. I think of the Tony just really, even at the stage of life, he could just walk on. He could walk in here and do the interview. But he's sincerely interested.

• 1:25:47Lewis Howes?

  Prepares and it's.

• 1:25:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, but he's interested. He's curious. He has a desire to, uh, to serve and to bring his best self forward. And so, you know, last night I had my Lewis Howt prep binder with my reading glasses on and getting to know you and your handballs and, you know, the Olympics, all the wonderful things you're doing in your life. Never mind your love with Martha. But I think it creates, um, it creates a more close connection, a more authentic connection. So I really have always respected that about him and I've certainly claimed that at this stage.

• 1:26:25Lewis Howes?

  And what's the thing you love about Tony the most at this season of life?

• 1:26:29Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:26:32Speaker 02

  Tom's capacity to love at every season of life or every chapter of love. He, he truly has such a huge heart. But I would say at this stage, uh, that I'm so passionate for other men and humans and women just seeing him is he takes time to be. He takes time to be with himself, with his daughter, with his family. So, and he really makes his moments matter.

• 1:27:05Speaker 02

  And there's such a sweetness and a tenderness and a softness in the strength. And that's what I really admire and so appreciate for our daughter as well. To get to know, there's Tony Robbins and then there's Tone. This dear heart and she, you know, she'll see her daddy on stage and she's like, whoa. She's so cute. She models his whole clap. So she'll see, she calls like today, she's like, Mom, you're going to talk to the people. So she'll say that we're going to talk to the people or her daddy. But she knows the dearness of his heart and yeah, I think that that's the gift of age

• 1:27:48Speaker 02

  and lived experience is, you know, life has its way with you. And all of a sudden, you're pretty much left with love and gratitude for it all. And I really see that in him, the wisdom.

• 1:28:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's beautiful.

• 1:28:02Speaker 02

  And him passing that forward, he's, like I said, he's been such a pioneer to so many in this space.

• 1:28:10Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:28:10Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:28:11Lewis Howes?

  He's like the godfather of this space.

• 1:28:12Speaker 02

  He really is.

• 1:28:13Lewis Howes?

  Inspiring.

• 1:28:14Speaker 02

  And wise father.

• 1:28:15Lewis Howes?

  And a wise father.

• 1:28:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:16Lewis Howes?

  There you go. That's beautiful. Okay, I have two final questions for you. So this question I ask everyone towards the end, it's called the three truths.

• 1:28:24Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:28:24Lewis Howes?

  So I'm gonna ask it in a little different way. Imagine a hypothetical scenario, you get to live as long as you want to live. And thanks to Dr. David Sinclair and all the, you know, Peter Diamandis and all the experts in longevity, hopefully we get to live a very long life.

• 1:28:40Lewis Howes?

  But for whatever reason, it's the last day for you. Many years away.

• 1:28:44Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:28:45Lewis Howes?

  And you've created and accomplished all the things you want from this moment until then. You've seen your, your daughter, your family grow into the way you want to see it grow. And life continues to bring you lots of magic and wonder and awe.

• 1:29:01Lewis Howes?

  But for whatever reason, on the last day, all of your content has to go with you. So anything you've ever recorded, this interview, anything you ever make in the future, it's gone hypothetically. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world. And I would love to know what would be the three lessons you would share with your daughter?

• 1:29:20Lewis Howes?

  And this is all she would have of your message, your content from this point moving forward. What would be those three lessons or three truths for you?

• 1:29:30Speaker 02

  You know, as we hear that life or the notion that life is happening for us, I suppose the fact that life does hold, I've mentioned this earlier, but the totality of it all and that it's all happening for us and that it's okay and that all is well, even amongst the pain or even amongst the confusion or even amongst whatever it looks like, it's all, all is well.

• 1:30:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:02Speaker 02

  All is well. The fact that her nature, our nature is love

• 1:30:10Speaker 02

  and that that is the greatest, I suppose, discovery or experience is to experience and touch upon our own nature within side of ourselves and with the side of one another.

• 1:30:26Speaker 02

  That powerful and beautiful. And I would say the third one is, I think I have to go back to the miracle that honey is, life's a miracle. And it's precious. And it's a gift.

• 1:30:46Speaker 02

  And the fact that we don't live forever.

• 1:30:50Speaker 02

  That's, I suppose that's this divine orchestration. If I was to think of three things, that would be it, that it really, life truly is precious.

• 1:31:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:03Speaker 02

  It's so precious and it's such a gift. And as we fall in love and accept what is, it only gets kinder and more beautiful because we experience it. And with all the big things or whatever we believe that we're meant to achieve or do or people wanting to find their purpose, I, I think the true purpose or truth is to experience the intangible, invisible space and place called us, called life, called love, called this moment. And that's what I would hope to bestow as simple truths,

• 1:31:47Speaker 02

  not by what I was saying, but how I am being.

• 1:31:52Speaker 02

  That.

• 1:31:55Speaker 02

  That's what came through.

• 1:31:56Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. That's beautiful. I have one final question for you Sage, but I want people to follow you. Sage Robbins on social media, sagerobbins.com.

• 1:32:05Speaker 02

  That's it? And on Instagram?

• 1:32:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, Sage Robbins, right, yeah. And then she's unstoppable summit.com.

• 1:32:13Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:32:13Lewis Howes?

  August 20th to 22nd, two hours a day. Make sure you guys sign up.

• 1:32:17Speaker 02

  Yes, please come join me.

• 1:32:18Lewis Howes?

  Share with your friends.

• 1:32:21Lewis Howes?

  I want to acknowledge you Sage for making this moment matter together. I've heard you say that multiple times and I appreciate you for opening up and sharing all your truths and wisdom that you have to share and just being present in this moment with me. This has been very beautiful and I appreciate your time and energy and the connection we've created here. So, thank you so much for this. And I want to acknowledge you for stepping in at this season of your life to continue to share your wisdom with the world and putting yourself out there. And you mentioned you've been more behind the scenes for the last 20 plus years.

• 1:32:53Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:32:54Lewis Howes?

  And now you're in front of the scenes, creating your own events, sharing this content more.

• 1:32:59Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:32:59Lewis Howes?

  And so I acknowledge you for putting yourself out there.

• 1:33:01Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:33:02Lewis Howes?

  Being a leader in the world and giving your best. No one's perfect and you're giving your best. So I appreciate that.

• 1:33:09Speaker 02

  Our best is, you know, just really what's true and real and authentic in the moment and whatever life has offered us and schooled us. That's really, you know, that lived wisdom I feel is what I can share at this stage of life. And, you know, you get over yourself. You get over regardless whether I was more comfortable behind the scenes or in front of, you know, life has a way of expanding us and inviting us forward in this moment. So I've listened to that call, tuned into that and hence why I'm here with you today, which has been really. Such a lovely conversation and thank you, Lewis. And I echo what you shared.

• 1:33:50Speaker 02

  I just really appreciate your heart and sincerity and love of truth. Because truth is really an inner experience.

• 1:34:00Lewis Howes?

  Yes, yes. Final question, what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:34:05Speaker 02

  Oh, I think I've probably answered it throughout this.

• 1:34:09Lewis Howes?

  You probably have.

• 1:34:10Speaker 02

  You know, greatness is, I mean, if you're a human being, you're awesome, you're already a masterpiece. You know, we're, hello, like it blows my mind, learning with our daughter, like just the human body and anatomy. And it's just like, what the heck? There's a whole universe inside of us. And you know, mind will offer up. I'm not enough, I don't know how to do this. I'm too, like all the limitations of mind. And but I think greatness is the capacity to see life accurately and to rise above the stories and to connect here now with what's most true and real.

• 1:34:52Speaker 02

  And as well, I think greatness is also just the magnanimous of the goodness and attributes of, I suppose gratitude for the ride, for the path, for the experience. You know, life is, it's an experience and it's meant to be lived and experienced. And that doesn't mean it's meant to be perfect. It's meant to be experienced. And I don't know, I think that that's just, that's a beautiful thing that can often be missed.

• 1:35:23Lewis Howes?

  So thanks so much for being here.

• 1:35:25Lewis Howes?

  I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about it. This episode in that review, I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's

• 1:36:10Lewis Howes?

  time to go out there and do something great.