Hannah Berner: How to Scare Men (FBF)

Join Alex in the studio for a chaotic and hilarious catch up with Hannah Berner. Hannah and Alex discuss blacking out on reality TV, getting rejected by Bucky The Mascot (iykyk), and weaponizing astrology to scare off men at the bar. Hannah explains her stance on al dente d*ck, Alex reveals the wildest things she’s ever stolen from a man’s apartment, and the girls give a few much needed PSA’s. This episode is unhinged and hilarious girl talk - get ready to giggle your ass off.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Bright by Scotch Bright. Daddy gang, a lot of us obviously take pride in where we live, right? We want the decor to look good and then we want the lighting and the cleaning and all of it. And you want it to look spotless and you want it to look really nice, right?

• 0:43Alex Cooper?

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• 1:26Alex Cooper?

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• 2:08Alex Cooper?

  It's honestly an amazing feature that gives women more control over their rides. Sometimes we all just want a ride that feels a little more comfortable and chill. So if you haven't used it yet, Uber's new Women Preferences feature is available now in the Uber app. Learn more on the Uber app.

• 2:26Alex Cooper?

  What is up Daddy Gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy.

• 2:35Alex Cooper?

  Hannah Berner, welcome back to Call Her Daddy.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  This is incredible because you did not have to have me back.

• 2:40Alex Cooper?

  No.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  Bitch, you did not have to.

• 2:42Alex Cooper?

  No, I was just thinking about this. I think you, Lauren, and Harry are like the most reoccurring guests I've ever had on Call Her Daddy. I've never had-

• 2:51Speaker 01

  Well, that was my only goal in life.

• 2:52Alex Cooper?

  I know.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Was to be a regular on Call Her Daddy. And I was like, but this, I do have to say, it feels like a family reunion whenever I come on.

• 2:59Alex Cooper?

  I know. Everybody that's not watching, so Hannah texted me and she told me that she wanted to give me a heads up that she would be wearing jorts.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Out of respect.

• 3:10Alex Cooper?

  Out of respect, to which I said, "Thank you," because that does shift the energy.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Completely.

• 3:14Alex Cooper?

  I'm going to be honest, when I think of jorts for women, I think of jorts that are just like, kind of the color of like my jeans.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  Like what's, like Stassi wearing like hot, cute jorts.

• 3:24Alex Cooper?

  Yes.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, we didn't go that direction.

• 3:26Alex Cooper?

  You walked in, I said, "These look more like floods," where like your pants are literally just like too short for you.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  I look like I stole a kid's pants and put them on.

• 3:35Alex Cooper?

  But Hannah, I'm gonna have to get a video of you because to be fair-

• 3:38Speaker 01

  Do you guys have video on this pod?

• 3:40Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, this is a, fuck you. This is a camera. I love how I like thought for five seconds you were being serious. I was like, yeah, wait, look into the camera.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Well, also, this is the thing about me that I learned in college. I have a long torso and nubby legs. I didn't know that. I didn't know I had short legs until someone told me, and then my whole world shifted.

• 3:56Alex Cooper?

  Who the fuck told you you had short legs?

• 3:58Speaker 01

  Someone who had, who was jealous of my long torso, because it goes on forever, and I've learned to embrace it, a la Britney Spears.

• 4:05Alex Cooper?

  Wait, was it a woman or a man?

• 4:06Speaker 01

  It was definitely like one of my good friends who was like, "Well, Hannah has a long torso," and I go, "Has everyone been talking about my torso for years and no one told me?"

• 4:14Alex Cooper?

  That's like when I was in college and the girl told me that everyone was talking about my banana roll under my butt. Do you know what a banana roll is, Hannah?

• 4:19Speaker 01

  No, and I don't want to know because now I'm going to be paranoid about what a banana roll is. It sounds cute.

• 4:22Alex Cooper?

  No, I only have one cheek. It's just like a little extra fat under the lip of your butt cheek, and they would talk about how I have a banana roll. So then, of course, in my most insecure days, when I got to New York City, I remember I went to a surgeon and asked, "Is there a way to remove this little chubba?"

• 4:36Speaker 01

  You go, "During a dark time."

• 4:38Alex Cooper?

  During a really dark time, I went to this woman and I asked her, can you slice it off? And she's like, sweetie, it is not a big deal.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  A banana roll is one of those things that is girl on girl crime. No man has ever been like, whoa, I'm not fucking that girl. She got that banana roll thing.

• 4:53Alex Cooper?

  Thank you, Hannah, because you know what? More to love, a little extra, oh, it's just like a labia, an extra big labia.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, yes. Make that labia clap, make that labia clap.

• 5:02Alex Cooper?

  The last time I saw you was on tour, my tour. And I remember when I was sitting down, creating my guest list and Boston was the opening. I was like, first of all, I was just shitting my pants and I was even doing a live tour. And I was like, who, I need someone I'm going to feel so comfortable with that will like lights out, kill it. So if I fail, if I freeze, if I fuck up, this person can just like take the thing and run with it.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  I also feel like you knew that I would never be judgy. Like if we failed, we failed together and we would make fun of ourselves.

• 5:30Alex Cooper?

  If I was cringe, you'd be like, you did, you did good. We can work, like you would be honest with me, but you wouldn't like make me feel bad. You would just be like, I've got you. I'll come to the next fucking show.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  I really felt like a teammate. I felt like I got called up to the majors just to like vibe for a sec.

• 5:45Alex Cooper?

  So Hannah comes on tour with me, we open in Boston and I will never forget, you walk out. Actually, you didn't walk out. Hannah starts doing the worm. And although I think you like, were, did you do the worm or did you chest bump the ground and bounce back up? It was.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  Okay, that's, that was an attack. That was an attack. I risked my life for you. I risked my whole body. My lower back was fucking killing me from the flight. Anyway, we'll talk about that later, but then it's so loud from the cheering, we can't hear each other.

• 6:11Alex Cooper?

  This is what we need to get into because no, this is, okay. So when you think of standing on a stage in front of thousands and thousands of people, you're already like, ooh, I'm, I'm getting anxious. I'm going to shit my pants. Literally, you guys, I could not hear a word that Hannah was saying.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  I couldn't hear a word I was saying either.

• 6:30Alex Cooper?

  So picture this, I'm asking Hannah something about like dating.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:34Alex Cooper?

  And all I remember is you start speaking and I read your lips and you say bondage. And I am literally like, where the fuck is she going with this? And then the crowd is laughing, but I have no idea what you're saying. So I start fake laughing.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  I'm like, so I, you were like laughing at parts that like weren't really the right part. So I could tell and you had like a little fear in your eyes and I was, I just go, I'm like, I need to start monologuing because we're not going back and forth here. So I would monologue and then like give it to you. But like, we were fighting for our life in the best way. Like, the high was incredible, though.

• 7:06Alex Cooper?

  It was insane. It was-

• 7:08Speaker 01

  But good energy.

• 7:09Alex Cooper?

  It was perfect. And now you're here and you have a fucking Netflix special. Like-

• 7:12Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 7:13Alex Cooper?

  We're gonna talk about the Netflix special a little bit later because I want to go through it all.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Shelf it.

• 7:17Alex Cooper?

  But first, we're just gonna have a good convo.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  Let's get silly.

• 7:21Alex Cooper?

  I just want to get silly with you and I have so many things I'm thinking about for like the summer, girlies that are listening. I think we have a lot to talk about.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:43Alex Cooper?

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• 8:27Alex Cooper?

  me that plus a good chocolate, I'm gonna have that in my freezer. Every single night, I'm gonna pop one in. I am obsessed. I love it so much. Taste the joy with every bite of My Mochi Ice Cream. Look for the green and brown box of My Mochi Dubai Chocolate Ice Cream in the freezer aisle of your local grocery store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one.

• 9:09Alex Cooper?

  Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. Daddy gang, you know I'm a little skeptical of the internet at times, aren't we all? But one thing I absolutely love is how much easier it has made starting a business. No matter what stage you're at, Shopify is the best place to start and grow a business. With Shopify, you get to own your storefront while still being discovered everywhere, from Google to YouTube to the shop app. They also let you sell across TikTok, Instagram, Pinterest, even directly inside AI chats. So your customers can shop wherever they already are,

• 9:53Alex Cooper?

  and your products can appear directly alongside content. So as someone is scrolling, they just become part of their feed. Shopify truly makes it so much easier for customers to discover and buy products wherever they're browsing. And this has been such a game changer for Unwell. I love being able to sell merch directly on all of the Call Her Daddy channels. So everything is in one place for the daddy gang. So, ready to add entrepreneur to your list of accomplishments? Head to Shopify.com/daddy. That's Shopify.com/daddy. First and foremost, because maybe if someone hasn't listened to our previous episodes, could you just share from your recollection? It's okay if you don't remember. Like, what are some of your, like, best Call Her Daddy moments?

• 10:38Speaker 01

  I have to say... First time, you know, I'm gonna say, sleeping with the mascot, I didn't expect to go as viral as it did.

• 10:46Alex Cooper?

  I didn't either.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  Shout out Bucky Badger, you little animal in the bedroom. Like, I go to Wisconsin and girls will be like, "I fucked Bucky too." Like, it's become a...

• 10:55Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, Hannah fucked the mascot. If you're reading contextual clues, she fucked the mascot. But it was me, like, flexing for him to be like, "Yeah, like, my type is professional athletes." And you were like, "Um, the closest thing I've ever come to fucking an athlete is the motherfucking mascot of the college team."

• 11:08Speaker 01

  The funniest thing though was that before him, I was with the, like, 6'8" studly football guy that I thought everyone wanted. But he, like, wanted me to go to Bible study. He has CTE, so I don't know how he read a Bible. And he was just, like, so not my type, but I thought I should like him.

• 11:24Alex Cooper?

  Of course.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  And then instead, I liked Bucky. But the funniest thing about Bucky, which I don't know if I even fully explained, was that, like, he rejected me in the end. Like, he was one of those, like, guys who you're like, "Oh, I'm doing, like, a make-a-wish."

• 11:36Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 11:37Speaker 01

  And then he hurts you more than anyone. I go, "This was a what the fu-" Like, one of my most embarrassing moments was I got drunk.

• 11:44Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  I remember I was going there for the summer and I was so excited to see him. Like, you know when you're playing music, just like, dreaming of all the moments you guys are gonna have together?

• 11:52Alex Cooper?

  Music video.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  I was like, "I have a boyfriend this summer. I have a boyfriend." And I got drunk and I went up to him at the KK, the bar, where he was the manager. I know.

• 12:01Alex Cooper?

  He was the mascot and the manager?

• 12:03Speaker 01

  No, I know. He was like, double life. But like...

• 12:05Alex Cooper?

  Hannah Montana.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  No jaw. Anyway, so...

• 12:08Alex Cooper?

  No jaw?

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I was like, "This is gonna be easy. Like, we can do this." Shout out, he DMs me sometimes, "I love you. I'm not lying. You know that."

• 12:15Alex Cooper?

  He has no jaw. Like, you're saying it's like, just...

• 12:18Speaker 01

  Let's just say, he wasn't studly, but he was funny and nice. And I was like, "Hannah, this is what you need." And then I go up to him, now this was very specific for the time, I go, "We don't have to be Facebook official, but like, you can date me."

• 12:36Speaker 01

  Don't hear from him for two weeks.

• 12:38Alex Cooper?

  Hannah.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  To the point where like I'd go out and like, you know, when you can't enjoy the conversation with your friends? Cause you're just like, this literal mole rat of a man, who's running around like skipping as a mascot is not responding to me.

• 12:53Alex Cooper?

  Dude.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  Those things make you grow. They, and we, me and him laugh about it now. And he's like, honestly, I was young. I was scared. Whatever it was.

• 13:00Alex Cooper?

  He probably regrets it to this day. What is Bucky up to now?

• 13:03Speaker 01

  But looking now, like your early twenties, it's so chaotic. And I feel like the girls are trying to establish like a nice connection with the guy. Guys are trying to like show off for their friends. We want two different things. How did any relationship ever work out in your twenties?

• 13:18Alex Cooper?

  It's impossible. It's literally impossible. I'm sorry. I just have like a visual of you. Like what sport was he the mascot for again?

• 13:24Speaker 01

  All the sports.

• 13:25Alex Cooper?

  Oh Jesus, a whore. What? How did he have the time?

• 13:29Speaker 01

  He was friends with the hockey guys.

• 13:30Alex Cooper?

  Okay. So I'm picturing you showing up to one of the games that he's got his full like mascot duty on. And are you like walking past the mascot? Like, do you know what I mean? When you're like trying to make eye contact with the guys?

• 13:40Speaker 01

  There's eight guys who are mascots and you don't know who's the mascot that day. So you'd see him and I'd be, no, literally I'd give him a little tap. I'd be like, ooh, wrong mascot, wrong Bucky. Sorry.

• 13:49Alex Cooper?

  Hannah.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  So I would just hope, you know, it was him and I would look at him and his beady little eyes.

• 13:54Alex Cooper?

  And then he's like, fuck off bitch. And you're like, oh, sorry. You're not him. Sorry. He's, you're like, can you quickly show me your chin? Nope. Not you.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  Also, I don't want to slut shame myself, but you know how you block stuff out? I actually made out with another Bucky. So I hope he's not jealous if he's listening.

• 14:08Alex Cooper?

  Through and through, she's always been a mascot lover.

• 14:11Speaker 01

  I ran through the mascots. Ran. At least a light jog, I would say.

• 14:16Alex Cooper?

  Let's talk about drinking.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 14:18Alex Cooper?

  What are you doing this summer? Are you raging? Are you keeping it chill? Are you sleeping in your bed? Like, and getting in bed at seven? Like, what's our vibe?

• 14:24Speaker 01

  Good question. So I actually have never been a good drinker.

• 14:27Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  Like I in college wanted to be a good drinker. Like I would, we'd be pre gaming and I'm like, okay, let's get fucked up. And I would, I was always the younger one of the like tennis teams. And I just remember getting pulled to the side by like one of the girls and being like, hey, can I talk to you for a second? You're at a 12? Everyone else is at a 4. We need you to calm down.

• 14:47Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, I know.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  So then I would be like, oh, I thought we were, I thought we were getting drunk. Okay. And then I would like start getting tired and then I, fun point, then I, I'd be at a 4 and everyone else is blackout. And then I get sleepy. So I'm like the worst, I'm just not a fun drinker.

• 14:59Alex Cooper?

  Like are you, if I took you to dinner tonight, would you be like doing two cocktails and no? Or you not even having a cocktail?

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Uh, the thing is, I don't need a cocktail ever. I'm an eater, but like if there's a celebration, I'll do one.

• 15:12Alex Cooper?

  You're doing it.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  If someone's peer pressuring me like well, I'll do it.

• 15:15Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  Like I respect the effort of a good peer pressure. I do have to say after reality TV and I stopped getting paid to drink.

• 15:20Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 15:21Speaker 01

  I stopped drinking. I basically was like, there are so many days that you're, the cameras go up and they're like, okay, we're having a theme party. And you're like, oh my God. And I, I don't like theme parties and I don't like partying.

• 15:33Alex Cooper?

  Me either.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  I, I hate a theme party. I hate a group of people that I don't know. And you, like the last time I blacked out was on reality TV. But if you blackout, you have to during the parties, the only way you can get your mic off is if you jump in the pool. So if I'm ever in the pool, that means I'm blackout floating around, just like farting in the pool. Just hoping that they don't ask me to have a conversation because they'll be like Hannah, come up and like fight with this person. I'll be like, I'm in the pool, I can't get out Hannah. Oh, so I got in big trouble once.

• 16:02Alex Cooper?

  Why?

• 16:02Speaker 01

  So the first thing they say, they're like, the only rules are like, if you're gonna go in the pool, take off your mic. That's the only rule. And they treat us like we're kindergartners at a summer camp. They'll be like, I'll be talking to someone like, oh, they want to go in the pool. And they'll be like Hannah, if you want to go to the pool, let us know first so we can take off your mic.

• 16:19Alex Cooper?

  Oh my God.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  Are you gonna go in the pool? And I'm like, no, I don't want, I'm hungry, I'm going to go eat salami. So like they're just dealing with like toddlers. So then at one point I decided to do like a sprinting cannonball because I love attention. And I was like, guys, let's just, I start running, I do a cannonball, I land, I get up. Everyone's looking at me like I just drowned their baby.

• 16:39Alex Cooper?

  No.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  Everyone's like, oh, and I'm standing there and I'm like, was it bad? Was it bad? The mi- mic guy, audio guy starts running knees up, like Olympic sprinting towards me, hops in the pool and like yanks me out. And he like takes it off me and like huff, huff puffs, leaves. And they're like, okay, he's really mad at you. And he

• 17:01Alex Cooper?

  I'm sorry, it's a mic pack.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  Apparently they're like really expensive and the mic person, like it's their own mics.

• 17:07Alex Cooper?

  Oh fuck you little piece of shit.

• 17:10Speaker 01

  So he was like this dumb drunk bitch and I remember like seeing him the next day and being like, I'm so sorry, I was a little bit drunk and we laugh about it now, but like I was never more scared in my life.

• 17:20Alex Cooper?

  Um whiskey dick.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  Oh my goodness.

• 17:23Alex Cooper?

  I haven't had like, well, I guess, I'm trying to think back to like college, I feel like was like whiskey dick central. Have you have ever had like a weird experience with whiskey dick?

• 17:31Speaker 01

  So as an Italian, we call it al dente dick. And I, that needs to be normalized. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

• 17:40Alex Cooper?

  It's like a little hard, but it's

• 17:41Speaker 01

  It's a little hard, but you're not, it's not good. Okay. You're not going to give it five stars on Yelp.

• 17:49Alex Cooper?

  I actually hate al dente. Is that like criminal to the Italian?

• 17:52Speaker 01

  People fuck up the pasta and just go, it's al dente. And I'm like, no.

• 17:55Alex Cooper?

  It's stale.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  Same thing. Or just like ma- the macaroni that like you put in the microwave. That's like guys dick sometimes.

• 18:05Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  The smushing of a guy's dick into your vagina, people don't talk about it enough. Cause then how does it also feel so not good when it's so innocent, but just feels like?

• 18:18Alex Cooper?

  When I used to be fucked up in college and I would like see that he clearly had whiskey dick. And he's like, no, I got this, I got this, I got this. And he's doing the whole thing.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:26Alex Cooper?

  There, even if I had literally taken a bottle of tequila to the head, there is nothing that sobers me up faster. Than being like, oh, just put it. What the fuck are you doing? And then all of a sudden I'm completely sober and I see his little weenie.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  And you're dried up.

• 18:42Alex Cooper?

  It's just, I think, let's give advice to the daddy gang. The next time that Willie takes your pants off and little Willie is al dente.

• 18:54Alex Cooper?

  And you want him to have a little cream sauce coming out.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  These dicks are like cats sometimes where it's like, if you want it to get to come to you, like they won't come. You know, like, you know, it gets so mental. Like you're playing all these games. You have to like not look at it and pretend you don't want it. And you know, and you know what I'm saying? Cause he'll be like, don't like, don't look at me right now. Like I'm, it's happening. And you're like, are you ready? Don't, don't ask about like, so you have to like look away and like, don't be intimidating and don't put pressure on him. It's like a whole thing.

• 19:26Alex Cooper?

  If people would wear a shirt that said dicks, you would need merch that say dicks are like cats or cats are like dicks. What the fuck Hannah? I guess you're kind of right.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  We have to normalize that sex is not good a lot of the time. And I love talking to you about it because I feel like you've shown women that they can have the sex they want to have, but I also know just from numbers, just from girl math. You, with all those good experiences, you have had to have some of the most horrible experiences in bed to get there too.

• 19:58Alex Cooper?

  Hannah, it's almost like if you had to count the bad, I would be able to count the good orgasms I've had on my hand over the bad. Like every experience, I guess I would consider up until the age maybe of until I met Matt and maybe a couple stragglers, bad, bad.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  And that is iconic for everyone. Take notes on what you just said.

• 20:16Alex Cooper?

  And I, you know, I, it's interesting. I was doing an episode the other day and I was saying how like Matt and I go through periods of like, oh, we're, we haven't had sex in a week. Like we, and I was like, oh my God, I bet people are going to be like freaked out to hear that from me because I'm just being honest. Like we get so fucking busy. And even if we're in the same house, we're not traveling. We're in the same house. We're so fucking busy. The reality is we go through these lulls where we're like, fuck.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  People get too busy to break up. It's very easy to be too busy to have sex. You know that couple that they're like, he has a meeting tomorrow and then like, I'm going to Italy and I just don't, and then his mom is busy. I just can't, and then it's his birthday.

• 20:48Alex Cooper?

  Oh my God, I've done this with my brother so many times where it was like, well, I can't break up with her here. And then I can't break up with you here because I already invited her. I'm like, what the fuck?

• 20:54Speaker 01

  He's like, I don't want to do it on the phone. And then like, she's coming, but like.

• 20:57Alex Cooper?

  You're so right. Oh my God. I didn't even think about that. People have plans that they're going to break up and then they just never do it.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  Gets in the way.

• 21:02Alex Cooper?

  So sex gets not like put on the back burner. And you're so right. The amount of times that it has hurt, that I have not had an orgasm and I faked it. The amount of times that they thought they were going to make me squirt and I was really just bleeding.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  Wait, that hit me late.

• 21:16Alex Cooper?

  You're like, oh, oh, oh, oh. And then you literally are just like, blood. Like, you literally just hire logrifics inside of my fucking pussy.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  I was so traumatized in college. One of my friends who was older was like, sitting on the floor outside the bathroom and just in college. And I went upstairs, I was like, are you okay? And she's like, just never do anal. And I was like, why? And she's like, I've been leaking for five hours. And to that day, I've been scared. Like, but that's girlhood.

• 21:44Alex Cooper?

  That is like the scene from the fucking ring. Like, the girl just being like.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  Her head was down.

• 21:49Alex Cooper?

  Through anal.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  She's like, I can't move. My body's leaking. I'm like, what's coming out?

• 21:55Alex Cooper?

  Have you ever done anal?

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Okay, I attempted it once in the shower, which is.

• 22:01Alex Cooper?

  Wait.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  I don't know. Don't do sex in the shower, period.

• 22:05Alex Cooper?

  Water is not lube.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  Water is not lube. It will be bloody. Don't, my friend told me. Like, it is so fucked up.

• 22:13Alex Cooper?

  You tried anal in the shower?

• 22:15Speaker 01

  I don't know, because I guess I was thinking like, oh, my, my butt's clean and whatever. It was so painful. I also want to talk about, there's so many sex things that you try to do that you don't. Like, everyone lost half their virginity, right?

• 22:27Alex Cooper?

  Absolutely.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  People don't talk about the half virginity.

• 22:29Alex Cooper?

  When people, because it's the movies, like, he took my flower. No, he literally grazed my lip and then I was in pain for like.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  It goes in like a tiny bit, comes out, and then you're like, am I not virgin anymore? And then he tries to push it more and you're like, no. And then you're like, oh, he's gonna sleep.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  No, I do like a whole bit about losing your virginity.

• 22:51Alex Cooper?

  Oh, yes.

• 22:51Speaker 01

  I'm trying to normalize all the experiences girls have. And doing these shows in front of thousands of girls and them laughing tells me, oh, we all like, lost our virginity. And then he was like, did you come? And you're like, unless the blood everywhere was come, I don't know what just happened. And I don't want to do that again. Eh, you. And then he's like, always accidentally hits your butthole during doggy. And you're like, what is going? And your butthole is like, has the reflexes of a ninja and will be like, don't, don't touch. Like it is, there's so much stuff and I do have to say for all the younger girls, like my cousin was like going off to college and I was just like, I just wanted to hold her because everyone has bad experiences. I mean, it's so hard. I remember once there was this guy who was like so hot.

• 23:34Speaker 01

  Cause that's a problem. The hot ones does not mean the rest of it is gonna be okay.

• 23:38Alex Cooper?

  If anything, it's worse.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  If anything, it's worse because girls have not taught them. They're untrained. I remember he was like trying to touch me and it just wasn't good and I didn't like his vibe. And he like, I could, I could smell cigarette on his breath and I just remember be like, oh, I can't deal with cigarettes. And he's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, oh, I just, I don't like cigarettes. And I just like, and he kept chasing me around. I'm like, mm, the cigarette thing. I don't like it.

• 24:01Alex Cooper?

  But you know, that's just like turning him on more that you're being like, now I'm good.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  Then just throw astrology at them. Just be like, mm, it's giving, I'm a Libra. You don't get it. It's just, it's a Libra thing. Like I'm an, I'm a Libra, but just say it. Like I literally have a bit about that. I didn't put in the special where I'm like, guys hate cats and astrology. So just look at him and be like, my cat's name is Clyde and his rising moon's Aquarius. He'll be like, okay, nevermind. Thank you. Check please. Weaponize astrology to get him away from you. Weaponize astrology. Matt Rife that shit.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  Do it. Use our knowledge of what they're afraid of. We're afraid of getting murdered. They're afraid of astrology. Use your weapon. We ride at dawn.

• 24:44Alex Cooper?

  Go watch it on Netflix now. Mother fuck. How much does that say about our fucking world? We're afraid of getting murdered and men are afraid of astrology. I'm gonna go fuck my life.

• 24:56Speaker 01

  She said she's a Leo. Like I don't trust her. I'm like, I don't trust him because for many reasons.

• 25:05Alex Cooper?

  I'm obsessed with you. I missed you so much.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  No, I love you, Dad. All I want to do is make you laugh.

• 25:10Alex Cooper?

  No, I'm, I'm, my face is hurting.

• 25:28Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. Okay, I am well into my third trimester now, so I haven't really been able to travel because I need to stay close to my doctor, but spending all this time at home has made me start thinking about all the places that I want to go. Once the baby is here, I have literally been sitting on my couch with the TV on scrolling through Airbnb and planning trips. I am nowhere ready to take yet, but suddenly my vacation priorities, I will say are completely different. Like, does the house have enough bedrooms? Is there a big kitchen? Does the furniture look baby safe? Or is every table covered in, you know, sharp corners? And obviously, we need an extra room

• 26:10Alex Cooper?

  for my mom, who has already made it very clear that she will not be leaving my side. She's like, I got you. I'm the babysitter, okay? And now that it is October, I'm picturing cooler weather, cozy sweaters, oh my God, maybe a little cottage where we can escape for a little weekend. That's what I love about booking a home on Airbnb. Whether you're traveling with family, friends, or your partner, everyone has space to relax while still being together. Even if you're traveling for a concert or a game, you have one place where everyone can get together and convene after. Before the holiday season gets busy, treat yourself to one more fall getaway and check out Airbnb while you're planning it.

• 26:51Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more.

• 27:20Alex Cooper?

  There is nothing that makes me happier than when I get a compliment from someone and they say, Alex, you smell delicious. Okay. I mean, is there anything better than someone telling you, you smell good? No. And you want to know what I'm wearing? You already know what I'm wearing. Yves Saint Laurent beauty. Okay, let's go. If you are looking for a new statement fragrance, Yves Saint Laurent's iconic Lieve collection is everything you've been looking for to turn heads and feel your most confident. The vanilla fragrances are all the rage and Yves Saint Laurent's Lieve Vanilla Couture is the best one out there. Listen to me, daddy gang. It's Lieve's first ever limited edition fragrance. It's sweet

• 28:03Alex Cooper?

  yet bold with rich vanilla caviar, rum liqueur, absolute lavender and orange blossom. The most delectable version of Lieve. Of course, the original Lieve Eau de Parfum never misses either. It's iconic fragrance is infused with lavender and orange blossom. It's the most amazing warm floral for every day, which you've heard me talk about. But daddy gang, this is your sign. Okay. Lieve Vanilla Couture. Boom. Here we go. You are going to want to be smelling amazing. And there you go. Shop now at Sephora.

• 28:31Speaker 01

  Quick question. What do you think about retired athletes?

• 28:35Speaker 01

  You're like, put them behind the bar.

• 28:38Alex Cooper?

  Put them behind the bar. Put them behind bars or just take them out to a field and end it all. Honestly, it is, I think they-

• 28:47Speaker 01

  At our age, we're dealing with them now.

• 28:49Alex Cooper?

  Hannah? I hate to say it. I actually think they could be more toxic than the ones in the league.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, but, oh, please extrapolate.

• 28:58Alex Cooper?

  So,

• 29:02Alex Cooper?

  get my diagram off of me, please. I'm like, I have a fucking whole PowerPoint.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  You just pulled out like a laser.

• 29:07Alex Cooper?

  A projector that just goes down. So here's the thing.

• 29:12Alex Cooper?

  Although they don't have like that fight in them technically as much anymore in terms of like they're on the road, they've got the road beef, like they're like, ooh, my Kansas road beef. They now have like less to lose where like a lot of guys, although they're protected, sometimes like, ooh, but when I get in trouble, then I can't play tomorrow.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:30Alex Cooper?

  I feel like the retired athletes are now just in this like sedated state of just like entitlement, but no purpose. And so they can hone in on you and just be like, you're my purpose. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, get away from me. And they become psychotic. I lived across from one. Can't even start. No, I can't tell the story because he's literally the most ill person on the internet. And he basically was the most psycho person I've ever met in my life. And I was like, this, I'll tell you after, but it was one of the scariest moments. However, athletes are scary too, because you know what? I'm in New York City. This is actually not that long ago. It was like towards the end of my New York days. And I am hooking up with this hockey player. It's one night. I, we had followed each other on social media. We met in college a couple of times.

• 30:15Alex Cooper?

  I had maybe sucked his penis once. That was kind of it. It was just a casual.

• 30:18Speaker 01

  An appetizer. A palate cleanser?

• 30:23Alex Cooper?

  No, this was not a palate cleanser. This dick is so fucking scary and large and curved.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  No, I hate that.

• 30:29Alex Cooper?

  So.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  I like the curve.

• 30:30Alex Cooper?

  The curve was um, fine for a blowjob. But it went, it's either left or right. I can't remember. Okay, so I'm in New York City. I run into him at a club immediately. I'm like, he's one of the hottest people in the NHL. I'm like, you're so fucking hot, let's fucking do this. But I'm convinced he has a girlfriend. I'm like, wait, isn't your Instagram like full of this like girl that is like your girlfriend? And he spends the entire night convincing me that they're not together. And I'm like, but like, what? Like, why? Like, I just know athletes.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  That's why athletes are good at sales. They go into sales after. They all become fucking cold, cold selling people.

• 31:02Alex Cooper?

  He, I'm like, but any, also, I'm not an idiot. I've dated athletes before. Any fucking athlete, the minute you're done with someone, you delete all the fucking pictures. You don't need to prove that you have a hot bitch on your arm. Like, you're not a fucking loser. Like, you're good. So I get super drunk and then I'm like, you know what? He's so fucking hot. I'm gonna, oh, I can't even say it out loud. I'm gonna trust him.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Ew.

• 31:21Alex Cooper?

  Disgusting.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  Alex.

• 31:22Alex Cooper?

  We go back to his place. We start having sex.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  Let go and let God.

• 31:26Alex Cooper?

  Just let's do it. I'm sure she's not your girlfriend anymore. I choose to believe this man after like three hours. We go back and his curved penis comes out and we start having sex and a blowjob was one thing because his mouth can do great things. This curved penis is so large Hannah, I start bleeding. I am in so much pain and I just kind of stop it. I leave. Two months later, he's engaged.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  How the fuck did this man explain blood? Because it was either a murder or a girl got her period.

• 31:57Alex Cooper?

  You know, no, you want to know what's even worse? As I'm deciding to leave, his drunken friend comes in to tell him that he has to be up for a brand deal the next morning and the lights are all on as I'm getting my clothes together. Murder scene. Hannah, I thought it was a little bit of blood. His sheets are just red everywhere. And now this man is married to this woman. So praying for you.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  Praying for her.

• 32:17Alex Cooper?

  Like it's just sad. Like they're little pieces of shit.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Yes. I did you, there's this thing going around on TikTok. Oh, I want to give the guy credit. This guy basically said that he realized and he's like, I gotta tell all the guys this because we didn't know. Do you know when girls say, I want you to come? It means they want you to stop. Like they want you to be done. Like I thought they were into it. Whenever you go, can you come in me? I want you to come. Oh my God, can you, we are so big. Can you come right now? She's done. She's already thinking about what she has to do that night. She's thinking of her chores. She's.

• 32:53Alex Cooper?

  All the girls in the room. Nodding.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  And like, and the guy was like, wait, men did not know that. And like, you think we just like, we're like, you know, make this better? We're saying we want this to end.

• 33:05Alex Cooper?

  Hannah. I've done it many times in my life. Everyone's done it. It's so.

• 33:10Speaker 01

  The second I start talking in the bedroom, it's not because I like dirty talk. We're sweating out the roses, okay? We have shit to do. I have emails. Mom has to work, okay? Mom has Pilates.

• 33:25Alex Cooper?

  This is so fucking accurate and terrifying.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  Even if I say your dick is big, that means I'm like, let's.

• 33:31Alex Cooper?

  I'm like, oh my God, you're so big. Like come for me, come for me.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  Come for me, come for me.

• 33:36Alex Cooper?

  And literally, and it's usually in doggy, and when you're in doggy, no, if you're face to face, like, come for me. When you're in doggy, you're literally like, come for me, come for me. Your face is literally like, I will murder you.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  Do you know when you're sarcastically, like, you're like, okay, he liked that, okay. You're smiling, or he's like, losing his mind, and you're like, okay, let's just.

• 33:55Alex Cooper?

  Hannah, every girl.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  That's girlhood.

• 33:58Alex Cooper?

  Is it hot in here?

• 34:00Speaker 01

  No, I just sweat profusely all the time.

• 34:01Alex Cooper?

  I'm sweating too. Is it, is it a little hot?

• 34:02Speaker 01

  I always sweat.

• 34:03Alex Cooper?

  I'm sweating. Are you sweating?

• 34:05Speaker 01

  I'm always sweating.

• 34:06Alex Cooper?

  Hannah, imagine me on my wedding. I was literally like, why did I fucking choose a tropical location?

• 34:09Speaker 01

  The universe humbles me every day with my sweat, and I'm thankful for it.

• 34:13Alex Cooper?

  Okay, but you don't get spray tans, do you?

• 34:15Speaker 01

  No.

• 34:15Alex Cooper?

  I do, so I'm literally leaking orange at all times.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  I just had a memory of somehow me finding a YouTube of you being like, bitches. This is how you fucking spray tan, the best fucking spray tan in the fucking world.

• 34:30Alex Cooper?

  Sandra Pez, extra dark.

• 34:32Speaker 01

  I was like, taking notes, I was like.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  And you were like, exfoliate, bitches, lotion.

• 34:37Alex Cooper?

  I don't think people understand how pale I am naturally. Look at my skin.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  Wait.

• 34:41Alex Cooper?

  I'm translucent.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  Have you discussed, though, like, your evolution of beauty here?

• 34:47Alex Cooper?

  No, should we?

• 34:48Speaker 01

  I feel like I want to.

• 34:50Alex Cooper?

  Oh my god, I don't even know what that means.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  I feel like it's been like so subtle with you, but like, you're not as tan as you were.

• 34:56Alex Cooper?

  Oh, I'm getting a spray tan tonight.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  I go, she goes, you just called me pale to my face. But I don't think you're going as much.

• 35:04Alex Cooper?

  I'm only, I'm only, I'm not. Oh my god, I used to really.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  And I feel like the makeup is, is more subtle. But like, was it conscious, or were you just, as you got older, you were like, oh, I fuck with my face?

• 35:15Alex Cooper?

  I relate to, oh, I think you, I saw you saying something about this on your podcast, on a clip I saw. Um, you know how people are saying, what is it, eyebrow blindness?

• 35:23Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, eyebrow blindness.

• 35:23Alex Cooper?

  And you were like, people are boyfriend blindness? Fact. I had, and I probably still do, have eyebrow blindness. If you look at pictures of me from college, it, it started to get scary. Like, it was just. Insane, huge, black. It was, it was too much. But I do think I've reeled it in more.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  And you, you have blonde eyebrows.

• 35:43Alex Cooper?

  Blonde.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  So you like to tint them a little.

• 35:46Alex Cooper?

  Yes.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  But blindness can happen with that.

• 35:49Alex Cooper?

  It's also scary because I look back and like, I'm convinced when I started at Barstool, I really leaned into the bimbo. Like, that, like, like iconic, like, cover art of us. I photoshopped the fuck out of it. And I remember us sitting there together, me being like, ooh, lips bigger, tits bigger. Like, cinch, boom, boom, boom.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  Facetune blindness is such a thing.

• 36:11Alex Cooper?

  It was insane, but back then we didn't have Facetune, so I was like using PickMonkey. Um, so I was like on my web browser.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  A woman in STEM.

• 36:17Alex Cooper?

  I was literally coding and making my lips bigger, okay? We didn't have FaceApp, you whore, so I was like, do, do, do, code XYZ, lip bigger, boom, boom, plump, plump, plump.

• 36:26Speaker 01

  Zero ones, here's a Morse code.

• 36:29Alex Cooper?

  And then when they were like, can you send us another version of just like the original? And I was literally like, no.

• 36:36Alex Cooper?

  Not only can I not send you the original, I can send it because you're like, no, the one of you guys, it looked nothing like us. So because of that, I felt like I had to live up to this thing. So I would overline the fuck out of my lips. I was like doing so much dramatic shit that I was like, I now look back and I'm like, oh my God, I literally looked like a fucking whore. But you know what? Cheers. It made me a lot of money.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Well, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I've learned like, the way you present yourself does, like, in this town, it's a thing. And that's why I wear ties sometimes. Cause it's powerful. People like, um, can you wear ties? I'm trying to make ties a thing.

• 37:13Alex Cooper?

  Are you Avril Lavigne? Wait, what the fuck?

• 37:16Speaker 01

  I wore a tie once on Giggly Squad, and it was mixed reviews. She's nodding. But I real, you feel so-

• 37:21Alex Cooper?

  What did you wear it with?

• 37:22Speaker 01

  Oh, I fully looked like an eighties salesman. I wore it just with like a button down. Like, I went full, like, I wanna feel like how a guy feels with a tie. You feel, first of all, you mansplain. You start like explaining things you have no idea about.

• 37:34Alex Cooper?

  Paige is like, shut the fuck up, Hannah.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, I wasn't even listening to you speaking. I feel like a, there's like a shrill noise. So I, the tie, like, you feel like you have a dick, cause it's like hanging around. And you, and you like, you gotta, you gotta make sure it's not like, yeah, you gotta keep it in its place. You feel powerful. And I just think a girl with it, like you with a tie. It's like hot.

• 37:53Alex Cooper?

  But do you have to wear a collar shirt? Could I be like a tank top with a tie?

• 37:56Speaker 01

  You could wear a tank top. That is very Avril.

• 37:58Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 37:59Speaker 01

  But like, I think it's a-

• 38:00Alex Cooper?

  Go for it?

• 38:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think you go. I mean, you know her now. You could text her. If she is Avril.

• 38:04Alex Cooper?

  Hannah.

• 38:08Alex Cooper?

  Melissa, if you're watching this, I, Hannah, there was nothing funnier in my career, maybe, than when I was like, really, kind of like, maybe pressing a little too hard, being like, okay, but Melissa, and she's literally like, "Do you believe it? Did you start the conspiracy theory?" And I'm literally thinking back to my username, like XXO22, that I'm like, I was probably in those chats.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  No, but you were just speaking for the people. You were asking the important question.

• 38:32Alex Cooper?

  When I was doing my research, all anyone wanted to know was like Melissa. So I was like, okay, what's up, Melissa? And she was fun about it.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:38Alex Cooper?

  But then, you can never win, because everyone's comment was like, "That's what Melissa would say." And I'm like, "What the fuck?" I feel bad. I was like, and then I love her, though. She's like, "That's like the least of my worries." Like, if that's the biggest rumor about me, I'm like, "That you're dead, and then you came back as someone else? Uh, you have a body double? I guess that would be kind of cool." Imagine if that was the fucking rumor about you. Honestly, I would die for those to be the rumors.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, because then if I do something stupid, I was like, "That wasn't me. That was Melissa."

• 39:01Alex Cooper?

  That was Barbara.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  Barbara again.

• 39:03Alex Cooper?

  Ah, shit, Barb. Really?

• 39:06Speaker 01

  Hannah would never do something like that. Hannah would never.

• 39:09Alex Cooper?

  Honestly, please start that fucking rumor. Alex is dead, someone else came back. Um, okay, you're ex-

• 39:14Speaker 01

  Men trying to pick up a penny?

• 39:16Alex Cooper?

  Oh my god.

• 39:17Speaker 01

  Because they're like struggling.

• 39:18Alex Cooper?

  How often do you see this?

• 39:19Speaker 01

  Honestly, I've never seen a penny in the last 10 years.

• 39:21Alex Cooper?

  Wait.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  But like, the concept of them like trying, do with their like nubby stupid hands.

• 39:26Alex Cooper?

  Where are the pennies?

• 39:29Speaker 01

  This is like a new Chappelle Run song.

• 39:30Alex Cooper?

  I haven't seen change in a while.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  Well, that was very rich of you.

• 39:35Alex Cooper?

  She goes, "It's change, stuff, thing."

• 39:38Speaker 01

  Spotify's never given me change. Can you pay me in quarters next, next quarter?

• 39:45Alex Cooper?

  I'm fucking dead.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  And I like this, no change.

• 39:49Alex Cooper?

  There's literally no pennies. Not even quarters. Fuck. Um, fuck you. Have you ever stolen-

• 39:59Alex Cooper?

  Just clip that, honestly. Just clip it away. Oh my god, is it hot in here?

• 40:10Alex Cooper?

  That was very rich of you.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  That's why everyone got quiet.

• 40:12Alex Cooper?

  You're the one that said you hadn't seen a penny in ten years. Fuck you! Um, have you ever stolen anything from a hookups place? Apartment? Like a house, apartment?

• 40:22Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh.

• 40:23Alex Cooper?

  I have.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  What did you say? You're like, you're that friend who's like, "I wanna tell you a story, but I am gonna ask you first to pretend." Like, I wanna know, what have you stolen? AirPods? I feel like AirPods are the easiest thing to steal, cuz everyone loses their AirPods every day.

• 40:37Alex Cooper?

  But I have literally unintentionally stolen AirPods before, and I'm like, walking through the airport and I looked down-

• 40:43Speaker 01

  It's impossible to not steal an AirPod.

• 40:45Alex Cooper?

  But Hannah, then it comes up as their name on your phone, like, "You have Jeremy's." I, like, and you're like-

• 40:49Speaker 01

  They could track you or something. I don't know. I don't fuck with AirPods. I have the old school. I use Delta headphones.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Oh, you don't? You don't do Delta headphones? I find, the amount of Delta, I could

• 41:04Alex Cooper?

  We-

• 41:04Speaker 01

  strangle myself to death with the amount of Delta headphones I have knotted up in my bag. I could definitely kill a

• 41:13Speaker 01

  small squirrel.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  With the amount of unsafe Delta headphones I have lying around. It would definitely, the whole ocean would, every fish would die with the amount of Delta headphones I have.

• 41:25Alex Cooper?

  We, we, I feel like the Delta headphones kind of like, don't stay in my ear.

• 41:30Speaker 01

  Do you wanna check out each other's ear canals right now?

• 41:32Alex Cooper?

  Honestly, I think I have earwax. Oh my god, someone handed me the one.

• 41:39Alex Cooper?

  I don't shower, no. Listen to me.

• 41:42Speaker 01

  Your intrusive thoughts are so crazy, and they're just coming out right now.

• 41:46Alex Cooper?

  I'm just getting really hot, so it's starting to get to my head.

• 41:50Speaker 01

  I haven't showered in seven days.

• 41:51Alex Cooper?

  I haven't showered.

• 41:52Speaker 01

  I've been searching for pennies. I can't find them anywhere.

• 41:57Alex Cooper?

  I'm like, I'm so rich and I have earwax.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  No.

• 42:01Alex Cooper?

  How much money you have, earwax will find you. I don't know who to go to. No, Hannah, when I was in, this is disgusting. It's actually not. This is important. When everyone get your ears checked.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  Did you have a worm in your ear?

• 42:14Alex Cooper?

  I fucking wish. Listen to me. Then I would go viral. Listen to me. I'm such a whore for views. I'm like, oh my God, someone put something in my ear. Listen to me. In college, I always would talk so loud. That's actually natural. I don't know why I'm gonna blame this on my ears. I talked aloud, but then I was like, maybe I need to get like my ears checked.

• 42:32Speaker 01

  You thought you were deaf.

• 42:34Alex Cooper?

  I'm like, maybe it's because I'm deaf, you whores. They're like, it's like you can't hear anyone else.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  Cause you've never shut up.

• 42:39Alex Cooper?

  They're like, you're just annoying. The doctor's like, just shut the fuck up. So I go and they're like, oh, you see a little earwax? And they do this thing where they like pour it into me, whatever. And it's basically like a honeycomb. Looks like it came out of my fucking ear. And I was like, holy shit, that's been in my ear. Then I kept talking loud.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  Getting a, what's it called up your butt?

• 42:54Alex Cooper?

  Colonoscopy?

• 42:55Speaker 01

  It's like a colonoscopy for your ear?

• 42:57Alex Cooper?

  Yes.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. You're calling us for your ear?

• 43:02Alex Cooper?

  I'm literally fucking my ear. It's all draining. It's all draining. And then I could hear like

• 43:06Speaker 01

  A little better.

• 43:07Alex Cooper?

  But really I was just getting anxious because every time I put headphones on.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  Oh, it would live on the headphones?

• 43:15Alex Cooper?

  Remnant. And I, so the other day I'm doing this prep and this girl was like, can I give you these AirPods? You need to listen in. And I'm literally like, I brought my own. And she was like, no, you have to use these ones. Because they're connected to the screen. And I literally like, literally almost start crying and I literally take it out. And I'm like, are you gonna like, let me keep these?

• 43:35Speaker 01

  It's like when someone lends you your, their underwear and you're like, I'm kind of spotting right now.

• 43:41Alex Cooper?

  It's just like little like discharge. You're like, don't look. What is this? Disgusting.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  Send me some egg whites.

• 43:50Alex Cooper?

  We are literally vile.

• 43:52Speaker 01

  But Alex, a Q-tip in your ear, better than sex, said it. I said it. We all were thinking it.

• 43:57Alex Cooper?

  Better than sex.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  Cause it's naughty, like you're not supposed to.

• 44:00Alex Cooper?

  I have one better.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  You're like, this is bad.

• 44:02Alex Cooper?

  No, I have one better.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  What?

• 44:03Alex Cooper?

  And it's gonna be so fucking disgusting and I'm really never gonna recover from this. You know what's better than a fucking Q-tip?

• 44:11Alex Cooper?

  A fake.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  Gel-X. I think all girls, I want us to be secret spies. I want us to break into car doors with our Gel-X. Like, literally, like, hold on a sec, I want the.

• 44:21Alex Cooper?

  These are too long.

• 44:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:23Alex Cooper?

  This is giving like.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  I like, I can't text right now. I'm at the point where like they've grown out the last amount where I have to. I actually have never gotten fake nails before.

• 44:33Alex Cooper?

  Is this the longest you go?

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Yeah. And she put them on. I've never gotten full, cause I like, I killed the whole family.

• 44:39Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  You break one, you're like, fuck it.

• 44:41Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, you get it wrong.

• 44:41Speaker 01

  And I was like, how do you get them off? And she's like, oh, it's a whole process. You have to like soak for three days. And then you have, like, it's a whole thing.

• 44:49Alex Cooper?

  You're like.

• 44:50Speaker 01

  Getting, like, I don't have time for this shit.

• 44:52Alex Cooper?

  Hannah, I the other week just took a fucking.

• 44:55Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 44:55Alex Cooper?

  Clipper and just clipped them all off. So they were just straight nubs.

• 44:58Speaker 01

  Every day I have to fight that urge.

• 44:59Alex Cooper?

  It's disgusting, but I have them now. So anyways, pro tip, if you have any earwax, just take your Gel-X and scoot it around. Because the best is you can scoop it out. Because my fear is these Q-tips are just shoving it deeper in. You've seen those videos, Hannah.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  Yes, I have seen those videos. Oh, I remember the one, my favorite moment from Call Her Daddy. I just remembered it. It was when I said the only way I can orgasm is with my leg straight. And I've never had more of a connection with girls in my life.

• 45:24Alex Cooper?

  Hannah, I want you to know that I did end up trying that oddly, maybe like a week after we filmed together.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:34Alex Cooper?

  And I thought of.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  Me.

• 45:37Alex Cooper?

  I thought of you.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  The entire time.

• 45:42Alex Cooper?

  I was having an orgasm. I'm like, Hannah, you were right.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  Well, you gotta clench. You get to clench. I'm afraid too. If I bend my knees, I will fart.

• 45:51Alex Cooper?

  Oh, my God. It's literally terrifying. You're holding a doggy. I mean, you don't even get me fucking started. But yeah, I guess I can say I've had an orgasm and I thought of you. So thank you. Cheers. Oh, my God. What did I feel? How did we get here? You're what?

• 46:03Speaker 01

  I, I, I took us off.

• 46:05Alex Cooper?

  Delta, AirPods. Have I stolen? I was dating this rich guy at this point and he was pissing me off. I knew we were gonna break up.

• 46:11Speaker 01

  When they're rich, does it count?

• 46:12Alex Cooper?

  Did you just say what if this is?

• 46:14Speaker 01

  When they're rich, does it count? Like, you know, like with the big, big box stores, those like taxes.

• 46:18Alex Cooper?

  I thought about this.

• 46:18Speaker 01

  For stealing.

• 46:19Alex Cooper?

  Well, let me take you through my thought process. So he was sleeping.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  You drugged him. The melatonin hit.

• 46:27Alex Cooper?

  I finally drugged him. He was out. I am in his apartment and I start to spiral because I'm like, I'm looking at him breathing and I'm like, he's definitely cheating and he's definitely being suss. We weren't even dating, but I'm like, he's cheating with other women, blah, blah. So I start to panic and I can't sleep. So I start walking around his apartment and then I get this crazy idea. I'm like, fuck him. I'm gonna fucking take something from this apartment. Like, fuck you.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Because you're in a full fight with him at this point in your head.

• 46:51Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, I was gonna say, in my head. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. So I start going around and I'm looking at these Rolexes and I'm like, I feel like this is jail. Because I feel like he's, I feel like I'm crazy that like he would actually call the police on me. And I was like in college, so I like couldn't handle that. And I was like, I'm not, I can't bail myself out.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  If I was older, would have taken the Rolex, but I need to finish college first. I didn't want to be in juvie. Couldn't handle juvie.

• 47:15Alex Cooper?

  I couldn't handle juvie at that point in my life, although a mugshot would be kind of like chic at this point. I just didn't figure out like, what could I get a mugshot for? And then like, yeah. So anyway, so I'm, I'm cruising around and I'm passing by the roaches and I, I finally am like, let it go.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  Did you say roaches?

• 47:29Alex Cooper?

  Raches, watches.

• 47:30Speaker 01

  Okay, got it.

• 47:31Alex Cooper?

  Rolexes.

• 47:33Alex Cooper?

  I see the Rolex and I can't afford shit at this point. Then I'm like, okay, can't take that. So I'm looking around, looking around. And then finally, this is the most petty thing because it's so stupid and it might as well have been headphones, Hannah. I find this box that has not been opened and it's a GoPro.

• 47:53Alex Cooper?

  And I look at it and I'm like huh. I pick it up, I put it in my purse and I fling my purse over my fucking shoulder and I steal this man's motherfucking GoPro. I haul myself a cab, I get home and I put the box on my desk and I'm like, ha, there you go, motherfucker. And I never used the GoPro and I would look at it and I would, I did nothing with it.

• 48:19Speaker 01

  I have two things to say. No one's ever used a GoPro. Second of all, if a man has a GoPro, that is the biggest ick I've ever had. Men with GoPros.

• 48:27Alex Cooper?

  I'm like, he was an athlete. I'm like, what is he doing with his GoPro? And then I fucked an athlete a couple of months later and he had a GoPro on his fucking headboard. And I was like, no.

• 48:38Speaker 01

  Wait, that's fucked up.

• 48:40Alex Cooper?

  Hannah, he had a GoPro on his fucking headboard.

• 48:45Alex Cooper?

  I was literally like.

• 48:46Speaker 01

  Did you steal it after?

• 48:49Speaker 01

  You're like, wait, I love attention.

• 48:50Alex Cooper?

  He's like in the shower, I turn it off.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  That's the government? Hi, Zaddy.

• 48:56Alex Cooper?

  So that's what I stole. Okay.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  If you want to steal something though, that's like actually would piss them off.

• 49:02Alex Cooper?

  What?

• 49:03Speaker 01

  His remote.

• 49:05Alex Cooper?

  You're the devil.

• 49:06Speaker 01

  Ruin his fucking life. Ruin that man's life. Just take the remote. And he'll always think he lost it in the couch somehow. Taking someone's remote is probably the meanest thing you could do to a person.

• 49:18Alex Cooper?

  More time that he has now to text you.

• 49:22Alex Cooper?

  I'm like, babe, I'm just taking it so you can respond.

• 49:26Alex Cooper?

  You just keep taking everything from his.

• 49:27Speaker 01

  Netflix was like distracting you from like our connection.

• 49:31Alex Cooper?

  He's like, I hate you.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  You have to say, you don't really know a person until you've seen them in a room trying to find their remote. Fuck, go into a restaurant and seeing how they treat the waiter, hide their remote and see how they act. That is the real person right there.

• 49:44Alex Cooper?

  Oh, because you've had it where they're like, what?

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Where the fuck? And they're flipping tables. You're like, okay, I don't want to have a child with you.

• 49:52Alex Cooper?

  And then the next is you literally just are like, it was under your pillow. Here you go. It's really not that deep.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  That's the ultimate problem with men. They can't even find the thing that you told them where it is, but they're running the FBI. But I'm not, I digress.

• 50:05Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just move on.

• 50:06Speaker 01

  We don't have time to solve those issues.

• 50:25Alex Cooper?

  This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. So anytime that I am finding myself having a habit that I just cannot kick, I'm like, okay, I need to talk about this in therapy. Listen, guys, everyone has habits, mindsets, or patterns that don't serve them. But recognizing what they are and learning how to let them go can be so important. It's literally the first step towards creating meaningful change. And therapy with BetterHelp, one of the leading online therapy platforms, can be a space to explore where those patterns come from and develop healthier habits and mindsets for a more fulfilling life. With over 30,000 therapists worldwide, BetterHelp has served millions of people globally. BetterHelp makes it easier to fit therapy into your routine with flexible ways to connect that work for different schedules

• 51:09Alex Cooper?

  and lifestyles. Plus, BetterHelp therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours on hand experience and hold all required education, training, and certifications. You can meet with a range of professionals from marriage and family therapists to social workers and counselors. So Daddy Gang, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/daddy. That's betterh-e-l-p.com/daddy. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Pandora Jewelry. Make their holiday unforgettable with a gift that says it all from Pandora Jewelry. I feel like the best gifts are always the ones

• 51:54Alex Cooper?

  that feel really personal, right? Like, anyone can buy you something nice, but when someone gives you a gift that is actually meaningful, you appreciate it so much more. And that's what I do love about Pandora. They have so many pieces that you can really just make your own, from festive charms to personalized engravings and jewelry that can represent the people and the moments that mean the most to you. So whether you're shopping for your partner, or your mom, your best friend, you can find something that really is specific to them. That makes you think of the trip that you guys took together once, or maybe it's an engraving for your anniversary, or just a piece that feels like them the second you see it.

• 52:37Alex Cooper?

  Pandora makes it so easy to give a gift that feels thoughtful and personal and makes every holiday moment even more meaningful and special, because at the end of the day, the best gifts aren't just about the piece itself, but it's the intention and the story behind them. Say more this holiday season with Pandora. Shop now at pandora.net or visit your closest Pandora store. Do you have any exes that like hate you? Do you have any, like are you on good terms with your exes?

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Great question. So my therapist told me that I'm a little, like I don't talk to any of my exes, except British Dave. I love British Dave, shout out to British Dave, an angel.

• 53:14Alex Cooper?

  So cute.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  And then there's some who I know don't have good boundaries, so I block them. And one blocked me because um, he's a bitch.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  Any man who blocks you, that's an egg.

• 53:30Alex Cooper?

  It's so fucking true.

• 53:31Speaker 01

  Cause I didn't even do anything to him and I'm like, oh my existence. And then he makes me, I check and he still has me blocked and I'll be like, she's still that girl. She's that girl. That's literally the craziest thing to think of a man.

• 53:46Alex Cooper?

  Going to press block.

• 53:48Speaker 01

  Up. Like if I was the person he's with right now, and I, if I knew my husband had a girl blocked, I would be jealous. Cause I'd be like, what's wrong?

• 53:58Alex Cooper?

  If you are blocked, he's in love with you.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  But then I had to blow up on TikTok, so he'd have to block me on TikTok too.

• 54:06Alex Cooper?

  He's literally going to everyone. Now he has to block fucking Netflix, bitch.

• 54:09Speaker 01

  That's the thing. I joke about, I don't care what hard times you go to, because I actually, this particular man had, did stuff that like, he tried to hurt my career, which like, that's when I don't fuck with that. So then I was like, I didn't even want a Netflix special, but now I have to. And my friends would joke, because I'd be in Vermont doing like 10 shows, I'm dying. And they're like, is it worth it? And I'm like, it's fucking worth it, bitch. So I don't, and the thing is, sometimes you get this motivation from anger.

• 54:35Alex Cooper?

  So good.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  But the best part is when you get to the point that you forgot why you're even mad at them. And then people are like, this is your time, like go on call her daddy, drop the name, call him out, tell, show the receipts. You don't care anymore.

• 54:48Alex Cooper?

  But you're literally like, we, but I have a Netflix special. Who is he again? What did he do?

• 54:52Speaker 01

  You literally forget. And that's called healing.

• 54:55Alex Cooper?

  It's not only is it healing.

• 54:56Speaker 01

  And I'm not like fully healed by any means, but it is close to healing.

• 54:59Alex Cooper?

  Hannah, but think of him getting the email. Do you want to re-up your Netflix subscription? And he goes in to re-up it and your fucking face.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  No, that's, that's the Lady Gaga moment. Like anywhere you go, you'll have to see me.

• 55:16Alex Cooper?

  Do you think any of them would label you a psycho ex?

• 55:20Speaker 01

  It's so funny. The most psycho thing about me is that I avoid confrontation. So I've had so many relationships that had zero fighting. And then one day I would just call them because I had to talk with my mom. And I'll listen to anything this angel bitch says. One of my worst relationships that like on paper, like everyone was like, this is the greatest thing for you. And one day I just poured my heart out to her being like, I don't feel good about myself. He's never laughed at one thing I said. He always walks in front of me by like five feet.

• 55:52Alex Cooper?

  Oh my god.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  Like I, he controls everything. Like when I get to see him, all that stuff. And I was young. I was like 26. He was older. And she goes, you're not going to his apartment? And this is like two days ago. She's like, he's the best. She goes, you're calling the, picking him up, calling the phone, calling him.

• 56:08Alex Cooper?

  You're picking, you're picking his body up.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  You're calling your phone pickup. You're picking up the phone to call him.

• 56:14Alex Cooper?

  You're on the highway.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  And you're breaking up with him. And I was like, I was like, and she goes, I'm sitting with you. We're doing it right now. And I called him and I said, like, I want to end it. And he's like, what are you talking about?

• 56:24Alex Cooper?

  He's like, and what?

• 56:25Speaker 01

  What? And he, I was like, okay, like I want to, I, I can't do this anymore. And then another guy was really fucked up.

• 56:31Alex Cooper?

  That's a mind fuck.

• 56:32Speaker 01

  Another guy, which was so fucked up. He was so sweet, so nice. And my, I was like 23, 24. And my mom was just like, Hannah, he's not it. And like, I really liked him. He was so nice, but like I knew deep down that.

• 56:44Alex Cooper?

  It wasn't right.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  He wasn't the one who wanted to marry, but he was so nice. Like just so, and like, he was great. My mom was like, mm-mm. And she was like, Hannah, you're wasting time. Like just get out of it. We have no issues. I call him and I was like, I think it was in person. I was like, we have, because once I decide I'm out.

• 57:00Alex Cooper?

  You're out.

• 57:00Speaker 01

  So I was like, we have to break up. And he just looked at me. It was the saddest thing ever. He goes, so I can't like talk to you tomorrow? And I remember just being like, I'm sorry, like, my mom's a savage and I'm so scared of her. And she wants the best for me and she knows big picture and I can't waste my time with you because you're kind of a loser.

• 57:21Alex Cooper?

  Hannah, not you blaming your breakup on your mom. You're like, it's my mom's decision.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  You can talk to Lenore, you can like, but she's over it. But then I've had times where she, one guy she liked that I wanted to break up with. I waited for her to go on vacation and I broke up with him when she was on vacation because I wanted her to enjoy her vacation. Comes back, I go, I broke up with him. She was like, Hannah, I love you.

• 57:41Alex Cooper?

  I'm obsessed. I think that's like the most fun thing with like, I would say with my mom too, is like Lori has lived all of my relationships. Like when I just did an episode about this athlete, she was like, oh my gosh, but you didn't tell the story of this and this and this. She's like, my mom literally goes, you should make it a whole summer series that you do all these stories about him. I'm like, mom, we're trying to not get sued. Mom, also like, I'm married. Mom, calm down. She's like, but I wrote them all down. I have it in my notebook from your college days. When you would call me, I knew you would need these stories one time. Like.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  One fucked up thing, if my mom doesn't want to fuck him, I don't want to be with him. And I hate to say it, but it's so true. If your mom is like, he's nice, nope. I want my mom to be flirty with him. I want to see that she gets excited when this man walks in the room. And that is so disgusting and sick, but my mom is nodding, listening, be like, yep. I want my daughter to be with a fucking hot, like, because mom, my mom and I are very independent. If you're, we're gonna have a man in our life, they need to be an asset and good to look at.

• 58:43Speaker 01

  Period.

• 58:44Alex Cooper?

  And that's all that.

• 58:46Speaker 01

  And I do have to say, I tell my mom everything too. And I posted, because I was so excited to go on Call Her Daddy today and I was like, guys, what? I'm going on a big podcast. Which one do you think it is? And I put like the little thing where people can comment.

• 58:57Alex Cooper?

  You're like Rogan.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  My mom goes, Call Her Daddy. She knows. And I'm like, mom.

• 59:00Alex Cooper?

  Wait, you're like, mom, I was just on the phone with you.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  She like got excited to answer. No, she's, she's that girl.

• 59:07Alex Cooper?

  I'm obsessed with your mom and I'm just obsessed. I think it's really nice to be able to like, rely on your mom and then also blame your mom for everything.

• 59:14Speaker 01

  Well, there was, was it Julia Dreyfus, Louise Dreyfus? Sorry, she has so many names.

• 59:19Alex Cooper?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  I think someone, I think it was her, gave a speech where she was just like, can we listen to older women? Like, older women know so much.

• 59:30Alex Cooper?

  They know everything.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  So it's like, you have this asset that is your mother.

• 59:34Alex Cooper?

  You came out of her, use her.

• 59:35Speaker 01

  And ask a ton of questions. And yes, I know some moms, like, you know, it's not always great. And then, ice her out.

• 59:43Alex Cooper?

  Ice her out. If she's a fucking nice, like, literally narcissistic, sizeo, can I speak? I'm narcissistic speako. And you're like, I'm gonna pick up him and call the phone. It's literally so hot.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  You knew what I was gonna say, though. You knew what I was saying.

• 59:57Alex Cooper?

  Ice her out!

• 59:59Speaker 01

  Anyway, so yeah, that's my problem. And I think some guys have been probably a little confused. But I've never, I've never pulled like a crazy moment. Like, I have so much pride and it could be insecurity, where like I never want people to think that I, that's why like things in my past have annoyed me, where people are like, she's obsessed with him or whatever. Like, I'm, I'm never put myself in that position, because I am prideful and insecure.

• 1:00:25Alex Cooper?

  I get it.

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  So like, when people, like, guys in the public, I'm like, that man has never made me laugh. He's like, annoys the fuck out of me. And like, I just want to have fun.

• 1:00:34Alex Cooper?

  But isn't it annoying? I hate it, the double standard of like, a man can say that stuff and then people will, then other women will agree with the man and be like, you're so right. And then if a girl just goes right back out the guy, people are like, she's such a bitch. Like, why don't we gang up on the man, you fucking whores?

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  I had that weird thing too, where some guys would like, they would like my attention or they liked my conversation or something. And that's like the most valuable thing to me, where it's like, I'd rather us just fuck and me, like, have a fun story, than you consuming my life, calling me eight times a day. And then like, men are not your friends. I have hilarious, beautiful people in my life. A man who's hot with no personality is not your friend.

• 1:01:16Alex Cooper?

  And never will be. And probably shouldn't be your boyfriend either.

• 1:01:18Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:01:20Alex Cooper?

  If they're too hot, they're scary.

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  No, they are so scary.

• 1:01:23Alex Cooper?

  Like, really scary. Let's talk about the special.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Okay, Barbara Walters.

• 1:01:29Alex Cooper?

  I.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  Rest in peace.

• 1:01:30Alex Cooper?

  R I P a fucking lovey bitch. Um, you need to explain to me, how did this come to be? Tell me everything.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  I do have to say, from doing a reality show, you sometimes you feel larger than life. You feel like you're the coolest person ever, you're funny, you're perfect. Everyone loves you, which is like also not true. Or you can feel like they put mud on you and everyone just sees you with this stuff on you and you're trying to shower it off and you feel misunderstood. And feeling misunderstood was like my biggest fear and the universe was like, let's do it to you. And I was in definitely a place, but I was in a dark place, but I never felt stuck. I just was like, okay, we gotta pivot, we gotta pivot. I was in this like, where's the next thing? And TikTok was this new crowd where like people didn't know who I was. And I got to just like therapeutically, I would go on stage after reality TV and I

• 1:02:22Speaker 01

  would in my head be like, I hope these people don't hate me. And I was, but I had this drive to show them, like I want them to at least not like me because they don't like my comedy, which is such a like, uh, more peaceful perspective.

• 1:02:36Alex Cooper?

  Right, because it's kind of like all in your control.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  Here's my art. Tell me if you don't like the art and like, cool, we're expressing ourselves and I needed to get better. And when I was on stage, it's fucked up, but my mind is very, doesn't shut up. So when I was on stage, it was the only time that I wasn't repeating or trying to figure out like my past. So I got to be present in that moment, telling my queef jokes, but it was like, it was like my safe space. And then comics was this crew of people who made me feel so much better about myself. They were like dying laughing at the shit I was going through with reality TV. Like they were, I was telling them these stories. They were like, I would have burned the house down. I would, and they made me feel a little more seen where you can feel in the wrong crowd, you really do feel like you're losing your mind.

• 1:03:21Alex Cooper?

  Your mind.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  And that's what the point is a lot of the time. So. I I started to get this, I almost feel like hot girls don't traditionally go, let's do stand up comedy tonight, or let's go to the stand up comedy club. You go with your boyfriend. But I was able to kind of cultivate this algorithm of like, I'm biased, but like hot, successful, funny women who wanted to laugh and felt safe in their bedroom, laughing at comedy. And then with Giggly Squad and getting the girls to come out to the show, I was like, oh my God, we have this like group of women coming out to comedy shows, loving stand up. And a lot of them, it was their first ever shows and it was powerful. And because I was selling tickets, I didn't have to wait to like get chosen to be on lineups and stuff.

• 1:04:07Alex Cooper?

  Interesting.

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  I was like producing my own shows and then I started doing Hand on the Street where I was making friends with all these comics. And then the comedy community started embracing me in a way where I was just like, either you like me or don't, I don't care. Like, I don't need you to accept me, but like, because I came in with some of some followers. So some comics will be like, well, she didn't bomb enough basements. But I'm like, I want to build you. I wanted to be like Chelsea Handler-esque where I I bring people that are talented around me. Um, no matter how many followers you have, I fuck with you if you're like a nice person who's talented. And it's again selfish of me to be like, I I wanted, before you go famous, I'm gonna put you on.

• 1:04:47Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah. No, but I think it's like you recognize people that you fuck with. And I feel like sometimes you're right. People will be like, oh, I'm too big for that. Like, they make it, they make it. And then I'll give them acknowledgement where you're like, no, I felt like that person that didn't have that. And I wish someone would have recognized how talented I was and not been threatened, but like helped lift me up.

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then I just continued touring. I continued touring, get on the road, be with my girls, work on the jokes, work on the jokes, work on the jokes. And then Variety kind of noticed me. It was like, she's definitely got shit going on. And we get a call from Netflix.

• 1:05:21Alex Cooper?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:05:22Speaker 01

  Now, the crazy thing about this call is my agent's like, Netflix wants to do a special with you. I I'm freaking out. Like, I have a video of me, like, I was like shaking. I go to the other room and I'm like, Dez, I got a Netflix special.

• 1:05:34Alex Cooper?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  He looks at me, no smile, and he goes, yeah, you're not shooting that. And I was like. I'm sorry, isn't this like the goal?

• 1:05:43Alex Cooper?

  Wait.

• 1:05:43Speaker 01

  And he goes, you have nine more months of touring and you're gonna do those nine more months because your bits are gonna be tagged up and that much better at the end of it and you tell them you'll shoot it the latest you can possibly shoot it. So like he's immediate, he's a protector.

• 1:06:00Alex Cooper?

  Of course.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  And he has done his own career where he's like, you don't rush into a special.

• 1:06:05Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 1:06:06Speaker 01

  But like, I love this material so much and I'm so happy that I basically told Netflix, like, in a year, I'll, I'll do it. So they were like, why? And I was just like, I think I could make it even better, even though they liked it at the time.

• 1:06:19Alex Cooper?

  That's like

• 1:06:19Speaker 01

  So I like, I sat on that shit. Like, and I, I wasn't allowed, I didn't even tell Paige for like a month.

• 1:06:25Alex Cooper?

  For a month.

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  Just cause

• 1:06:26Alex Cooper?

  For two minutes.

• 1:06:27Speaker 01

  I like looked at her too long and I was like, ah, cause I just wanted to sit in it, but it was such a great moment of like, it's not about the special, it's not about clout, it's about like putting out something you're proud of.

• 1:06:39Alex Cooper?

  I thank you for sharing that because it makes it even cooler now to like, I can't wait to watch it. I was literally like, can I get a screener? And they were like, no. And I was like, okay.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  We were actually doing color correction still.

• 1:06:50Alex Cooper?

  I was like, can I watch it? And they're like, no. And I was like,

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:06:54Alex Cooper?

  Okay, fine, I'll watch it with everyone else.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  I'll fuck text her.

• 1:06:57Alex Cooper?

  I'm excited, I'm gonna like have wine and Matt and I are gonna sit down, I'm gonna be sending you pictures, I'm gonna watch it, I'm so fucking excited. But I truly am so proud of you. Like, I feel like when I met you, I was like, oh my God, this is someone I could have been friends with my whole life. Like, having been athletes, like, knowing the fucking drama that you have from being an athlete, knowing the type of person it just like builds you into and you're like so competitive with yourself. And I think sometimes for especially women in sports, I feel like that gets misconstrued and we've dealt with like being our worst critics.

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  So you getting up there. I think we fight similar battles.

• 1:07:34Alex Cooper?

  All the time.

• 1:07:34Speaker 01

  I think that's why when we message each other, it's like, how are you doing against your demons?

• 1:07:38Alex Cooper?

  No, Hannah and I.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  You're winning, you're losing.

• 1:07:41Alex Cooper?

  If you go through all of our messages, we are only texting each other, like check-ins. We're like, I just saw this, how are you doing? I'm so proud of you. Proud of you, you good? Okay, talk in a couple of months.

• 1:07:53Speaker 01

  Like, have you slept?

• 1:07:54Alex Cooper?

  Right, we're like, you good? And then we're like, you ready to come on the pod? You okay? Okay, you're wearing jorts? Amazing. Midlife crisis? Cue it now.

• 1:08:02Speaker 01

  Is there a cry for help?

• 1:08:02Alex Cooper?

  I, I just am so excited for people to watch this and I feel like you, from when I met you to now, is what I was saying, is like, you were so funny back then. But we both were insecure and of course, we're both still insecure in some capacities. But like, I can't wait to watch the special because you are so much more yourself now than when I met you. You were, we were both going through it. Not that we weren't ourselves, but like you're, you're leading with like, you're so fucking talented. You are like, anyone I talked to about you recently are like, oh my God, fucking Hannah Berner, she's lights out. Like, I can't wait to see the special. Like, you are just, I get chills when I talk about it.

• 1:08:40Speaker 01

  I feel like I'm living in a dream. Like, I feel like I, I redid the last pod with Paige and then I fell asleep and then had a dream that you were sitting here being like, you had a Netflix special. Like, it feels like a dream, but I'm turning into my dad. He loves quotes and he was, it basically is like, what if your biggest dreams came true? And I think you are a good example of that because you showing that, because it's kind of lonely sometimes at the top and you showing that a girl could get a lot of attention and run a full company. Like, it's paving the way for other people to be like, oh, that dream is not too scary. And I do feel like with this special, I really hope that more girls are gonna be like, I'm just like Hannah. That's how I am

• 1:09:24Speaker 01

  with my friends. Wait, I like, I like fuck with this. I want to do stand up. Cause I have this conspiracy there that like, women are made for stand up. We're gossipers, we complain, we overanalyze. Like, that is what stand up is. So I just like disrupting male spaces and making men upset. And I think we ride at dawn.

• 1:09:46Alex Cooper?

  We ride at dawn. Last question, Hannah, how are you gonna feel if your Netflix special is potentially in the background of some Netflix and chill sessions and people are fucking to your special?

• 1:09:58Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:09:59Alex Cooper?

  Have you thought about that?

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  That it's gonna be so awkward because I'll literally be talking about how hard it is to ride a guy while you're riding a guy. And I don't know how you'll recover from that. Or like how like you're holding in your fart when you're cuddling. And it's like, you haven't had to fart all day. And then suddenly the second his dick's on your butt, you're like, I have the biggest gas bubble I've ever had.

• 1:10:16Alex Cooper?

  Hannah, there are gonna be Netflix and chilling watching you and she's like, oh my God, isn't it the worst when you're holding in your fart? And the girls are like,

• 1:10:23Alex Cooper?

  Shut the fuck up Hannah. And you're like, how would I queef? And she's literally like, oh my God, maybe watch this with your girlfriends.

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  But I think your boyfriends and the men in your life should watch it because it's quite educational. It's very educational.

• 1:10:36Alex Cooper?

  It's for everyone. We ride at dawn Hannah. I could sit here and talk to you for 17 more hours. I love you.

• 1:10:42Speaker 01

  And thank you for also being so good at interviewing because you make me look good.

• 1:10:46Alex Cooper?

  Bitch, you look fucking good. Except for the shorts.

• 1:10:51Speaker 01

  You're turning the page. Paige should be so mad.

• 1:10:53Alex Cooper?

  I'm Paige. I'm like, what's going on?

• 1:10:55Speaker 01

  Paige is gonna be furious when I tell her I wore dorts on Call Her Daddy. She'd be like, you fucking disrespectful cunt.

• 1:11:00Alex Cooper?

  But you guys have to, it's good. You both have, you're, you're different. It's very, I love, I'm like, you're different Hannah. It's just because you're different. I love you. Thank you so much for coming on Call Her Daddy. This was everything and more. I love you. This may have been our best work yet. No, I think it is. I love you.

• 1:11:29Alex Cooper?

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• 1:12:12Alex Cooper?

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• 1:12:56Alex Cooper?

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