Joy 101: Olivia Munn

“I cried before going into my double mastectomy, and I cried a week after when I saw myself with the expanders in…That made me nervous thinking about my son…because, you know, a lot of us don't know the day we're going to die, right?” — Olivia Munn Experience the full conversation on the "Joy 101 podcast with Hoda Kotb" wherever you listen to podcasts. For more information please visit us at www.joy101.com/podcast http://www.joy101.com/podcast See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:11Hoda Kotb?

  Okay, so something kind of strange and a little bit scary happened in our family. Spoiler alert, everything's great. But it was late in the night that I had to rush my little girl, my seven-year-old, to the hospital. And we were in the ER for several hours until the morning. And again, everything worked out fine, but something happened during those five hours where, for me, like, the world snapped into focus. It was, like, all the things that I had been thinking about that day or worried about, or whatever they were, dissolved. It was like, the only thing I cared about was, "Hope's gotta be okay." That was it.

• 0:56Hoda Kotb?

  And so, while we were sitting there with all the beeping and stuff of the machines, all I could think about was hope being safe. And then I thought, like, isn't that what we all want for our kids and ourselves? To be safe, to be loved, to be seen, all those things. And yet, we bog ourselves down with all this ridiculous worry and silliness and stuff that we think is urgent and on fire, when really, it's not. Nothing really is that urgent, even though we think it is in the moment. And so, the next morning, I was driving to the gym, and I was playing that Puerto Rico song that's so funny. I love that song. It's like, I don't know, "Puerto Rico" by Saxboy Billy. Anyway, I was playing it. And you know when a song's so good, you roll the windows down?

• 1:40Hoda Kotb?

  Well, I was rolling the windows down, and I was thinking about Hope and how happy I was that she's good, she's back to herself. And the wind was blowing, and I was like, "Wait, Hope felt this good last week." And I didn't roll down the windows, and I didn't play Saxboy Billy, I just went to the gym. So, it just reminds us, like, there's celebration all the time. We don't have to have a big scary monster come in for us to say, "Oh, my God, I better appreciate X, Y, and Z." Like, it's all just sitting there, waiting for us. So, I think, to me... It's like just to remind ourselves that don't wait for the darkness always before you see the great light that's out there because it's always there. Which brings you to this guest.

• 2:19Hoda Kotb?

  Y'all, I am super excited for this guest because I have loved her for such a long time and her life has taken on so many different forms over the years. I knew her back when she was day drinking with me and Kathie Lee. Her name's Olivia Munn. She is an actress. She is a mother. She is a wife. She's a breast cancer survivor and she's so funny. I know she's married to John Mulaney and he's the funny one, but as you'll see in this conversation, she's actually so funny. She's witty and she kind of doesn't care. You know, when you're with someone who doesn't care.

• 3:00Hoda Kotb?

  But what she's done is she has a great way of reflecting on her life as she's gone through things, as she went through motherhood, as she went through the difficulties that come with motherhood in spite of all the joy, as she went through falling in love, which happened after she had her baby, falling in love with her husband. And then she went through this real scary chapter of breast cancer and how she evolved and came out of that and just how she sees the world now. I mean, she is somebody who understands that life's full of bumps and bruises and she's an ultimate optimist. I loved our conversation with Olivia Munn and I hope you will too.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.

• 3:43Hoda Kotb?

  Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb is presented by CVS. I've realized that joy doesn't always come from those big moments. Sometimes you find it on the most ordinary day. I'll pop into a CVS for toothpaste or paper towels and it never seems to be just a quick errand. Maybe I'll grab a delicious Well Market Trail Mix or wander over to the Joyward Collection. That's part of the fun. So the next time you're checking something off your to-do list, stop by your local CVS pharmacy. You might go in for one thing and leave with a little more joy. Visit your local CVS pharmacy, sponsored by CVS. Every purchase. Is a financial decision, so it's worth asking, what am I getting out of this? If you're using the Chase Freedom Flex Card,

• 4:27Hoda Kotb?

  you can maximize your cash back on things you need. More ways to earn, more ways to get rewarded. Sign up for the Chase Freedom Flex Card. Learn more at chase.com/getflex. This is a paid collaboration with Chase Freedom Flex. Cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank, N A, Member FDIC. Subject to credit approval. Offer subject to change. Terms apply.

• 4:49Speaker 02

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• 5:03Speaker 03

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• 5:19Speaker 04

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• 5:50Hoda Kotb?

  Okay, so first of all.

• 5:52Speaker 05

  First of all, we both have kids.

• 5:54Hoda Kotb?

  What happened?

• 5:55Speaker 05

  I know.

• 5:55Hoda Kotb?

  Okay, so just so everyone gets it. I met you a long time ago. We filled in co-anchored together.

• 6:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:03Hoda Kotb?

  Do you remember that?

• 6:04Speaker 05

  Well, we did. And then also it was back when I was day drinking with you and Kathy.

• 6:10Hoda Kotb?

  By the way, the day drinking, that whole season was like one of my favorite seasons.

• 6:14Speaker 05

  Yeah. And it was St. Patrick's Day and.

• 6:17Hoda Kotb?

  Oh, I'll never forget.

• 6:18Speaker 05

  It was, it was the best. I was like, I'm on national television, a little tipsy.

• 6:24Hoda Kotb?

  And you were, you literally downed one. And I remember going like, this girl is boss.

• 6:30Speaker 05

  Well, when I saw the reaction on you and Kathy's face, I thought this was a mistake, probably. Look at them, this was not a good decision. Yeah.

• 6:39Hoda Kotb?

  I cannot believe all the things, all the seasons you've already had in your life since then. So let's just talk about, first of all, what's life like? In a beautiful home with two beautiful kids, all the chaos that comes with it. So what's joyful like in all of that?

• 6:58Speaker 05

  It's all joyful. I feel like, you know, I don't think I realized until honestly, all the stuff that I'd been going through the last few years, that I was missing this much joy. You know, that I could be as soft and vulnerable as I have been. And, you know, we, it's, we're in it. It's a mess at times and we love it like that. And it's really, we just, we all really love and like each other. We like our kids. We think they're interesting, you know, we, you know. We don't really, you know how people always do the whole like, oh, the old ball and chain or oh, my kids are driving me crazy.

• 7:40Hoda Kotb?

  You don't do that.

• 7:41Speaker 05

  No, because there are times where we're exhausted, but I feel like people do that a lot. And it's kind of like, we all kind of do it because we've heard other people do it. The truth is that we were just mesmerized by those little kids and our friendship with each other.

• 7:56Hoda Kotb?

  Let's go back then. So back when I knew you, did you like secretly have this vision? This idea that one day, the kind of life that you had dreamt of would be to be with a guy you were crazy about, to have a couple of kids, to have that kind of stability. Was that something that was on the horizon or?

• 8:15Speaker 05

  No.

• 8:15Hoda Kotb?

  Never?

• 8:16Speaker 05

  No. Even as a little girl, I never was the one who thought about my getting married or.

• 8:22Speaker 05

  And, or like even having kids. I always loved kids, but it just wasn't something on my mind. I always wanted to get to California and work, work, work. I mean, we first met, I believe when I was thirty. I just turned thirty that year. And I was on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

• 8:37Hoda Kotb?

  I remember.

• 8:38Speaker 05

  And I had my first like NBC, like my first real acting job, this NBC sitcom and so. Everything that I had wanted since I was little was coming to fruition and so that was my focus.

• 8:49Hoda Kotb?

  So you want you wanted to be an actress. So at what point, because once you get the taste of that, some people don't want anything else. It's like they get this itch that they can't scratch and you, your career really was taken off.

• 9:03Speaker 05

  You know, I will say that I've only been able to, as you know, like, once you get through certain things in your life, but I think also age does this to you where you start to look back. And I started to understand the decisions I I had been making because career was so important. But I got derailed a few times with like in relationships that kind of took me off my course. And and so that's strange because I was, as I'm answering this question and thinking about it as you're asking, I'm like, oh, yeah, that was my focus. But then I, you know, to be completely honest, like there were things that derailed me. So I guess at that time, that was my focus, my conscious focus.

• 9:45Speaker 05

  But subconsciously, I think my brain was also thinking that I needed to be in a relationship.

• 9:50Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah. What were the, what were your relationships like before John?

• 9:55Speaker 05

  Well, I'm I'm friends with almost all of my exes, almost all.

• 10:02Hoda Kotb?

  We'll talk about that in a minute.

• 10:04Speaker 05

  But looking back, there just weren't like there, there are certain qualities that that I was missing for them and that they were missing for me. And what I I looked back on, I think that because of how I grew up, you know, I was, my mom and dad divorced when I was six months old. And then she married a man when I was two years old until I was 16 years old, who wasn't a good guy. And so I learned a lot about my relationship choices, not until I was 37.

• 10:34Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah, wow.

• 10:35Speaker 05

  And I was thinking about, I'd read something about like a poverty state of mind.

• 10:42Speaker 05

  And you know, there's like rich poverty, like and then poor poverty and how like billionaires, like they can lose their money and then get it all back. And like, how does that happen? Because they just believe.

• 10:50Hoda Kotb?

  Right.

• 10:50Speaker 05

  And then I started realizing, like, one of my best friends, her mother and father divorced, like the same as me when she was young. And then her mom remarried a man, was an amazing father. Because I'd asked her before, like, oh, do you even miss her? She was like, no. My, her stepdad was amazing. It was her father. And so as she went through life, she would be broken up with the guy, but not even care. It would never faze her. She would never cry. She'd be with somebody for five years. He cheated on her. And I was like, are you devastated? She's like, no, I'm moving on. She just.

• 11:19Hoda Kotb?

  She had that.

• 11:20Speaker 05

  She had that because she always believed, well, there'll be somebody else.

• 11:23Hoda Kotb?

  Somebody else, yeah.

• 11:24Speaker 05

  At the same time, though, the way that her mother raised her was that money was very scarce. So she's gone from job to job to job to job because she hasn't really figured out how to love what she does for work, right? Because her goal was, right?

• 11:43Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 11:43Speaker 05

  So she, I say she had a financial poverty mindset, but a rich relationship mindset. And then you switch mine around. So I had a, oh, a father who left and a horrible stepfather. So my relationship idea was a relationship poverty mindset. But my, my mom was always like, whatever you want to do, I'll figure out the, a way to get money. We were, you know, middle-class military family. So it wasn't like we, we had tons of money. But my mom was like, whatever you want to do, like whether it's gymnastics or cheerleading or anything, we'll figure out the money. So I had a financial, you know, wealth mentality. So I, but the relationship poverty put me into a place of being in relationships and staying too long because I didn't think there would be something else.

• 12:28Hoda Kotb?

  Why do you think your mom stayed with him all those years?

• 12:31Speaker 05

  Well, my mother was an immigrant, right? She left, um, she left her home country, you know, Vietnam, the day the war ended and was one of the last boat refugees out and came to America. And, you know, I think that when you, there's a, a fear that.

• 12:48Speaker 05

  That you don't belong in this country and that you kind of are safer when you're

• 12:53Hoda Kotb?

  With someone.

• 12:53Speaker 05

  With someone. And also, she had, you know, all of my aunts and uncles, my mom's, you know, and my mother, they all have multiple master's degrees. You know, they've become successful doctors, radiologists, engineers, one worked for NASA. And my mother went that route, but then got married early. And I think especially during that time, right, you give up everything. And when you become a mother for so long, the workforce is like, why did you take so much time off? And you're like, I wasn't taking time off work. I was working. I'm a mother.

• 13:24Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 13:24Speaker 05

  I'm running an entire household.

• 13:26Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 13:27Speaker 05

  But at that point, there was this, this feeling like, what am I going to go back to do? But also, it's interesting as, as parents, when you, I think a lot about my younger self. That's the way I, I think has been the best benefit for me as a parent is that I remember my childhood very well. And I remember, my mom always said to us, you know, do whatever, we can find the money. But she never said something, but I saw it, which was like, I remember thinking, what will we do for work? If my mom, like if my mom, I would daydream that my mom would divorce him, but then I would be like.

• 13:58Hoda Kotb?

  What will we do?

• 13:58Speaker 05

  What would we do? We'd be homeless. Cause like, cause it was because he worked and we lived in a home that was funded by the military. So everything was attached to him.

• 14:08Hoda Kotb?

  You know what's interesting about you? I'm just listening to you. And this is, you're someone who's obviously done work on yourself. Because the way you're describing, looking back, reflecting, but as a little kid, when you're living in that house, you don't have any of this knowledge. You just see like, what the hell's going on here?

• 14:26Speaker 05

  You know, but you know what I did have was, you know, when you look back on your younger self, I was told this by my therapist, they're like, you know, you, you, you think your memories are as an adult. Meaning like, the way that you, you're like, well, I felt that this was unfair. And you can still rationalize that. When they said you could go to the water park and then they switched plans and all of a sudden we had to go somewhere else, that that felt unfair. And as an adult, you can say, well, things change and plans change and, you know, promises have to be broken sometimes. But you still remember that it was unfair.

• 14:55Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 14:56Speaker 05

  And I remember being, I, I was, I took it in more. And I real, I was like, this is not okay, this is not okay.

• 15:03Hoda Kotb?

  You knew it, yeah.

• 15:04Speaker 05

  I would speak up more and I would scream more and shout back more and get punished more.

• 15:11Hoda Kotb?

  What did he do when you did that?

• 15:12Speaker 05

  I mean, it would, well, first it's the screaming and we, it was a household where my stepfather hit us a lot. And so, but I learned to take the hits. And I, and I, and I remember, um, there was one specific moment that I talked about recently, but it was that, um, I, I went for a long time without talking to him. And at this point, I'm a teenager and I thought, I'm just not gonna talk to him anymore.

• 15:39Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 15:40Speaker 05

  And he could pick up on that. And eventually, one day, I was walking up the stairs and he was walking down. And he, and I, I just wasn't looking at him and he grabbed me and he said, I'm sick and tired of you not look at me. When I, you know, and I was like, I loo, and I looked up at him and then I rolled my eyes and was gonna keep walking. And then he like just smacked me across the side of my head, which then like hit the wall on the stairs. It had all the family photos and then I remember it broke the glass and I had a little bit of blood coming down. And, and I remember like tears came off my eyes, but not from being upset emotionally because just like the pain. And I remember him looking at me and looking that like, I had tears in my eyes, but I still was like.

• 16:22Hoda Kotb?

  Steely.

• 16:23Speaker 05

  Steely. And I just was like, and I rolled my eyes again and kept walking. And I remember that moment was like, was a pivot. It was a real strong pivot. And then not that long after, they divorced.

• 16:33Hoda Kotb?

  Wow.

• 16:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:34Hoda Kotb?

  And then how did you, because again, we all choose what we grew up with. So how did you decide like, or did you say, I'm not, I mean, after a while, did you say, I'm not, I'm not having, I'm doing the opposite of what I had?

• 16:47Speaker 05

  What do you mean by we all choose?

• 16:48Hoda Kotb?

  Well, I feel like, I feel like most girls look for what they had growing up.

• 16:54Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:54Hoda Kotb?

  Even though you don't know if you want it or not.

• 16:56Speaker 05

  Oh, you mean we choose what we had?

• 16:58Hoda Kotb?

  We choose the guy. We're like, like my dad. My dad was distant. I look, I like a distant guy.

• 17:01Speaker 05

  And I think men do that as well.

• 17:02Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah, and men do it too, yeah.

• 17:03Speaker 05

  I, and I had learned as well that we repeat patterns in our life to prove that we're worthy. So that we can finally get to that place where like, oh, see, someone like this can love me back. Someone like this saying I'm worthy. And what I realized, again, like, and even though I've done the work, but a lot of it happened at thirty seven, you know?

• 17:24Hoda Kotb?

  Such a magic number.

• 17:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know. And also, it came with also having not a great therapist.

• 17:30Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 17:31Speaker 05

  Who was like, an amazing person. I know, really cares, very successful, but the advice she gave me was pretty horrible.

• 17:38Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 17:38Speaker 05

  And, and so I realized that, like, I'm gonna keep getting the same lesson in life until I learn it.

• 17:47Hoda Kotb?

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:47Speaker 05

  So it will keep coming back and I just need to learn it.

• 17:49Hoda Kotb?

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:50Speaker 05

  And I, I was about to kind of go down that same route again and I recognized it again.

• 17:55Hoda Kotb?

  You stopped yourself.

• 17:56Speaker 05

  And I was like, God, all this pain I had gone through with the last relationship. And like, the courage it took to get out, that will all be for nothing if I do this again.

• 18:08Hoda Kotb?

  Wow.

• 18:08Speaker 05

  Because it's going to happen all again. So I was like, oh, no, no, no. And then that changed my mind, because it's, it's almost like, it's like working so hard for something. Like, that's not a relationship, just something, I could put my mind to something else. I'm like, I worked so hard, I got through all this pain just to throw it away for

• 18:24Hoda Kotb?

  Right.

• 18:24Speaker 05

  Something that I, I almost know is gonna end again.

• 18:27Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 18:27Speaker 05

  And that changed my, my mind. I was like, I'm not doing that.

• 18:30Hoda Kotb?

  I'm surprised that you let people in, like, after that. I would think it would be hard to

• 18:34Speaker 05

  It was hard.

• 18:35Hoda Kotb?

  Trust anybody, to allow someone to come into your life and to the sacred parts of you that

• 18:40Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 18:40Hoda Kotb?

  You're like, these are tender, I don't know about you.

• 18:43Speaker 05

  Yeah. It was hard, yeah. I don't think that I really allowed someone into my life until after I had my, my first child. Yeah. And at that point, I was forty when I got pregnant, forty one when I had Malcolm. But it was because...

• 19:01Speaker 05

  You know, looking at, looking at my son and realizing like, okay, my job as a parent is to teach him how to climb a mountain. But how can I help him with the stumbles along the way if I haven't conquered it myself? So I gotta figure this out, so that when-

• 19:20Hoda Kotb?

  I have chills all over, just from what you're saying, I'm just letting you know.

• 19:22Speaker 05

  Oh, I can see them. Um, but it's like, I need to do it, and I need to, and it is possible. You just have to do the work.

• 19:30Hoda Kotb?

  Tell me about love, because you trusted after Malcolm. So Malcolm, let's talk about Malcolm for a second. So this was probably among the most transformational moments of your life, this baby. So the minute Malcolm was placed in your arms, tell me what, when a shift happened, did it happen then, did it take a minute? Like, what happened with you once you had that baby in your arms, what changed?

• 19:57Speaker 05

  It actually started, the shift started, it didn't fully, you know, come to a, to a beautiful birth in myself, um, until after he was born, but I remember going like, am I pregnant? You know, like, hmm, I'm gonna do some math, let me figure something out. And then, um, I remember going to see my, my doctor, and he was like, yeah, you're pregnant. And he's like, come back in a couple of days to see if like, it's going to be a successful pregnancy. And then, and I said, well, what are we looking for? He's like, we're looking for the numbers to, like, I think, double or just increase.

• 20:40Speaker 05

  I can't remember exactly what the math was, but when I came back, he was like, it's gone up four times. And I was like, what does that mean? He goes, it's just immediately a very strong pregnancy. And when he said that, I just had this feeling like, oh, this is my baby, and this, he, he's supposed to be here. Or I didn't know it was a boy at that time, I was like, this baby's supposed to be here. And I remember just feeling-

• 21:02Speaker 05

  Like just peaceful. In the past, it was like, oh my God, like if you're thinking about the possibility of getting pregnant, you're like, I can't do this. And you know, when you're younger, you're like, I have dreams to pursue. I don't have the money. And like, and at that point in my life, I made all decisions for myself. If I wanted to travel somewhere, I did. If I wanted to take a job, I did. If I didn't, I didn't. And so those were, of course, probably there, but I, it was, it was like, oh, I, this is it.

• 21:28Hoda Kotb?

  I think we spend so much of our lives waiting for the big moments. The birthdays, the vacations, the milestones. But the truth is, some of the happiest moments show up on the most ordinary days. So like this, I'll stop into a CVS because I need one thing. Somehow, the best part of the trip is never the thing I came for. So maybe I'll grab a delicious well-marked snack, or maybe I'll wander over to the Joyward Collection. It's really full of fun, cool, seasonal decor, thoughtful little gifts, and those little discoveries that make you so glad you stopped in. I have to tell you, if you're an Extra Care member, you're going to save on things you're already buying, and those extra bucks really do add up.

• 22:11Hoda Kotb?

  Just watching that total go down at the checkout never, ever gets old. I know life's busy. We're all juggling a lot, and that's why I think those little unexpected moments of joy matter so much. So, the next time you're running errands, stop by your local CVS pharmacy. You may go in for something you need, but don't be surprised if you leave with something that simply makes your day a little brighter. Visit your local CVS pharmacy, sponsored by CVS.

• 22:41Speaker 06

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• 23:41Hoda Kotb?

  So, so you have this baby and then after Malcolm, that's when you finally trusted love? I mean.

• 23:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, because I saw, I saw John with him.

• 23:51Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah. And what did that do?

• 23:52Speaker 05

  I was actually talking about this the other day because one of those photos show up on your phone and I was like, it was a picture of him holding Malcolm and then right after that was a picture of him, because we were told by a friend, somebody has to stay with the baby because there'll be doctors and nurses with the mom, but somebody, just in case something happens, just so you can be there and then make decisions and go. So there's a picture, my best friend since I was 13, she was there taking all the photos and there's this picture of him with his hand on his mouth, just like looking at Malcolm. And you can tell in that moment, his whole heart burst open and he, you know, he said that he was like, oh, oh, there you are.

• 24:35Speaker 05

  Like there's my, this is who I've been looking for and waiting for my whole life. And he just immediately became a father, but we also came home and he knew how to use, like, he knew that every bottle had different nipple sizes. I didn't know that.

• 24:48Hoda Kotb?

  How did he know?

• 24:49Speaker 05

  He had done all this research. He was like, hey, I know how to do the swaddle. And I was like, how do you do swaddle? He was like, well, I've been practicing on the teddy bears we bought.

• 24:56Hoda Kotb?

  So he was, he was gearing up all the way?

• 24:59Speaker 05

  Which I really needed because I had a horrible postpartum anxiety that started about a month after he was born.

• 25:06Hoda Kotb?

  So that you had anxiety after, which left you in what kind of a state?

• 25:11Speaker 05

  It's unbelievably difficult. It, I mean, I've gone through breast cancer and then helped my mother through breast cancer and that was more difficult. And I wish that more people talked about it and there's more empathy and compassion for women who go through this. Depression is something that I was worried about and I think, and there's a lot of people who understand postpartum depression. I was not prepared for postpartum anxiety. It was like a month or so after and all of a sudden I wake up like four AM and I just go and I'm gasping for air. And my chest is tight and it's like that every day for almost a year. Every day I wake up at four AM, my eyes just pop open at four.

• 25:50Hoda Kotb?

  Are you afraid of something or what's happening?

• 25:52Speaker 05

  So at first, I didn't have any thoughts about it. It just was a physical feeling, which is, so then your brain starts to put thoughts to it. And it was a really interesting thing that happened, especially talking about, we were talking about earlier with my mindset. I all of a sudden started having a poverty mindset, which is something I never had. All of a sudden I'm thinking, oh my God, I can't pay for the baby, what's going on? And also at that time, John was on this massive stadium tour and making so much money, which is great because we're a family. But my whole life I was making my own money and focused on that.

• 26:26Hoda Kotb?

  And now you weren't.

• 26:27Speaker 05

  And now, the money, my, because I was, because we, you know, everything was new, so, you know, he paid for things and I, but I would just be the one buying things, you know, all the time. And I was like, well, money's going out, but no, money's coming in. And a real interesting thing, when, you know, when you hear about this in the news with mothers who are going through postpartum depression or anxiety, and I think a lot of it happens with anxiety from what I've been seeing in the news, or at least what I'm seeing lately.

• 26:54Speaker 05

  Something, something plays a trick on your brain. And I had reached out to my business manager and I was like, how much do I have? And when I saw it, my heart dropped and I freaked out because it was like less than half of what I had thought.

• 27:09Speaker 05

  And then I didn't say anything to John for like a month or so. And then finally, we were talking about something and I just said, oh, he took me out to dinner. He's like, let's get out. And I was like, okay. And so I go out to dinner with him and I'm just like, I felt so.

• 27:26Speaker 05

  Horrible just being out in the world. I was like, why am I out? I need to be at home feeling anxious and thinking about this. And doing nothing besides being at home.

• 27:32Hoda Kotb?

  I need to be home freaking.

• 27:33Speaker 05

  I need to be, yeah. And so I just said, I was like, I'm feeling all of these things. I don't know what to do. And I just, I'm at a loss. And he was like, wait, he was like, is that, that's what's going on? I go, yes. And he said, the next day, he called his business manager. He's like, we're sending her a credit card. All bills go to me. I'm handling everything. And, and that did help because all of a sudden I was like, okay. Well, but it didn't change everything because my brain was still thinking about things and I still had what my business manager said. But at least I wasn't, money wasn't going out anymore. But then, a few months later, I, I asked my business manager, like, can you just give me my, my, my total value again?

• 28:13Speaker 05

  And it was like, two or three times more. I can't remember the time, more than I, than he had told me at the beginning. And I said, wait, what are you? He goes, what are you talking about? And I went back to the email and I read, I, I absorbed it, read it, experienced it wrong. I read it all wrong.

• 28:31Hoda Kotb?

  So you were freaking out over a number that wasn't even correct?

• 28:34Speaker 05

  It was in black and white.

• 28:35Hoda Kotb?

  It was in black and white, but that wasn't what your brain processed.

• 28:37Speaker 05

  And it's, so that's where like, I think, the compassion and understanding for women going through this. Thank God I didn't have thoughts of self-harm or, or hurting anyone else. And my heart just breaks for those women. And the understanding that, that needs to happen for them because I, I, I very much understand it.

• 28:56Hoda Kotb?

  That's, that's so interesting. So talk about like, having Malcolm and just being, having that part of your life. While this other thing is kind of brewing inside and you're feeling all these anxious thoughts, but there you are, holding this baby. What, what did the best feelings feel like for you during that, those early days?

• 29:18Speaker 05

  I, I did feel like,

• 29:22Speaker 05

  it was just so cozy.

• 29:23Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah, that's it.

• 29:24Speaker 05

  And.

• 29:26Speaker 05

  I guess the thing that really made me feel so good was that I, even though I was going through that anxiety, I felt really capable.

• 29:36Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 29:37Speaker 05

  And I was like, oh, I can do this, and I know I'm gonna be a good mom.

• 29:41Hoda Kotb?

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:42Speaker 05

  And I'm gonna figure out the stuff along the way, and I just, it, I could see how, he was such a happy baby, such an easy baby. I mean, John would just sit there on the couch, and then my mom was there. My mom drove me crazy.

• 29:53Hoda Kotb?

  Of course she did.

• 29:53Speaker 05

  My mom drove me so crazy, but she's the best thing ever. John, John met her like a few days before we had Malcolm, and so she comes in and she rolls her suitcase in, big suitcase. She doesn't even say hi to me. She has, she's only seen me pregnant once before that, like earlier in the, in the pregnancy. And she rolled, does, hey, how are you? And then opens up the suitcase and takes out a frozen Butterball turkey. And she goes, it's from Oklahoma. And I was like, it's Butterball. We have them here at Ralph's on Ventura. Like, what are you talking about? And then she starts unpacking like vegetables from my garden. I was like, okay, well, that's from your garden. And she'd be like, from Albertson's. And you're like, okay, like, this special sauce. It was so crazy. And, um, and so-

• 30:37Hoda Kotb?

  How did they click? Did they?

• 30:38Speaker 05

  Oh my, are you kidding me? He is, he is her best friend, she is his best friend. Like last night, she's in town, and they're watching this Korean movie, and then John put our son to sleep and fell asleep with him, because it's very tiring, and it's great to go to sleep with your son. And I had to wake him up, because my mom was like, hey, wake up John Mulaney. She calls him first and last name. Hey, wake up John Mulaney. It's time to watch the movie. You gotta finish it. And I was like, well, he's sleeping. Go, wake him up. So I go in there, and I'm like, John, John. He's like startled. He's like, what? I go, you have to go finish the movie. My mom's waiting. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotta go. He was in a deep slumber, and he was like, I go, you don't have to, you want me to tell? He's like, no, no, no, I gotta watch it. We gotta finish it.

• 31:19Hoda Kotb?

  Going. Oh my god, I can't believe they clicked. How weird, though, that your mom saw you pregnant once, shows up with her luggage, just met John, there's a baby co- like, all of this dynamic is happening, and they clicked.

• 31:32Speaker 05

  So it was a really funny time when I talk about my mom driving me crazy. So I was trying to breastfeed. I had very low supply. It took me forever to fill the bottle. I could maybe give him one or two feedings a day and then we had to do formula the rest of the time. And so I put it on our big kitchen island. It was off to the side of it, you know, it's a big, there's a, she had like three quarters of it for her cooking and I had one little corner. And I come in and I go, where's the milk? They left it on the counter because you have to keep it on the, when you make breast milk, you have to keep it on the counter. And you can put it back in the fridge after a certain amount of time. But I wanted it to be room temp for him. She goes, what milk? I go, the ones that were right here in the bottle that I used for my breast milk.

• 32:15Speaker 05

  And he was, she was like, oh, I threw away, I thought it was garbage. I was so mad.

• 32:21Hoda Kotb?

  You lost it.

• 32:22Speaker 05

  I was, I lost it. I was like, I cannot believe you. Why would you do that? I cannot believe you. Do you know how long it takes me? Ah, I was so, I was screaming so much. I was so upset. And, and then later she goes up to John and says she's really mad at me. Because I threw away the milk. And John goes, you threw away the milk? She goes, yeah. But I also noticed something. She told you to get humidifiers for the house, all the rooms. You didn't do it. So I'm going to tell her you didn't do it. So she won't be mad at me. She goes, so you have to know that and don't let her be mad at me anymore. You have to accept it.

• 32:56Hoda Kotb?

  They're like two pieces of pie, those two.

• 32:58Speaker 05

  But then John comes up to me and he goes, this is what your mom, this is your mom's plan. I was like, this little crazy Asian lady. Their little plots and scheming.

• 33:09Hoda Kotb?

  First of all, can you believe how well those two click? I cannot believe your, your cute little family, this whole.

• 33:16Speaker 05

  You know, she, you should have seen her, or you should go back and watch it. She was on Seth Meyers with John. She was in the audience watching him. She went, she went to, John was on Seth and he, she was, went to the audience and they threw, threw back to her. And it was like her comedic timing was very good.

• 33:29Hoda Kotb?

  Was she really funny?

• 33:30Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, but she was just answering the questions normally, but she was very good.

• 33:34Hoda Kotb?

  What, what parenting stuff did you take from her and which, what did you leave behind from what she showed you?

• 33:40Speaker 05

  You know, I was one of five kids, two step siblings who were my siblings from two to 16. And then there was a divorce and so they have a different trajectory in life. But my mother had, like physically had my brother and my sister. And my sister is a partner of a law firm. And my brother is a physicist who lives in Paris. And yes, I am the disappointment of the family, if anyone is asking, of my Asian family. They're like, oh, actor. But, but my mom, ever since we were little, she, she never took credit for our wings, our ability, you know? She always, she was, you know, I've heard some parents, you know, especially growing up,

• 34:24Speaker 05

  they're like, oh, you get that from me, or you get that from me. My mom never did that.

• 34:28Hoda Kotb?

  Never did.

• 34:28Speaker 05

  So I feel like, you know, she never took credit for our wings, which is why we all felt we could fly. We could jump and we just, we did it. We all thought anything was possible.

• 34:38Hoda Kotb?

  You, you have beautiful Malcolm, you have your cute little family and the Butterball Turkey and the luggage, I'm into all of it. And then later on in life, you learn a really scary and terrifying diagnosis. A long time ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I remember it, like the moment that the diagnosis came and I went into panic mode. I went into, my life has a beginning and an end. I haven't done the things I want to do. I have all these dreams and I felt afraid in my window. How did, how did it affect you, those words? And what was the urgency? What, how did your life change?

• 35:19Speaker 05

  At that moment, it's like, it's like a huge marker. And there's a different story that's now being told in your, in your life. Like, you know, when somebody goes back and tells a story of your life, you know, you think it's going to be one way and all of a sudden there's a fork in the road. And in that moment, I, it was, it felt like, this sounds strange, but that's why I bond so much, you know, we bond with women who've gone through breast cancer because we've all had that same moment where we're told the same thing. And it felt like, like seeing a really big celebrity.

• 35:55Speaker 05

  Like, like if I'm seeing Oprah, you know, because I'd seen this in movies. I've like, oh, I've seen this. When someone sits down, they go, it's cancer. You know, you watch it like from a third person perspective. And then all of a sudden it's happening to me and it was like, oh wait, I've seen this same scene play out in movie. I mean, it's in TV shows. Like, it just was like, how did I, like, like Truman Show myself into this? Like, this isn't, it just, and so it was very surreal. And I'm, and as it's happening, my brain is, it feels like I, like, it feels like I'm in a movie. But at the same time, my brain is being like, you're not. Be here right now. Be here right now. And I, I got really focused.

• 36:38Speaker 05

  I was like, she's telling me a lot of stuff because she was, my doctor was like, you have multifocal, multi quadrant breast, breast cancer. And, and it's an aggressive, fast moving cancer. So it's, so we have to move fast. And you need to do a double mastectomy. And I'm, I think that it's probably going to be in your, in your left breast as well. Because you, it's abnormal to have it this many places in your right.

• 37:00Hoda Kotb?

  Right.

• 37:01Speaker 05

  And so as she's saying that, my brain is being like, come back, come back to here. And she was right. I had breast cancer in my left breast as well. So then I was diagnosed with multifocal, multi quadrant, bilateral hormonal breast cancer. And then it was off to the races. And so I just stayed focused. I talked about this when I talked about my cancer for the first time. It was that I only cried twice during that. I'd cried before going into my double mastectomy. And I cried a week after when I saw myself with the expanders in. And, you know, my, I started, I bled a lot during my surgery. So what was supposed to be a three or four hour surgery turned into like a 10 hour surgery.

• 37:40Speaker 05

  And so there was, like, going into that, maybe my, I just knew how serious it could be. And so that made me nervous, thinking about my son, thinking about all the things. You're like, wow, like, cause I, you know. We don't, a lot of us don't know the day we're gonna die.

• 37:58Hoda Kotb?

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:59Speaker 05

  Right? When my grandmother died, it was the middle of the summer in Oklahoma. It's a bright sunny day. Nothing happens bad on a sunny day. You watch the movies. It's always ominous and cloudy and dark and thunderstorms. And it was an emergency call at 911 the night before, taking her to the hospital. I was the one called 911. I was staying with them during college. It was, and then I come home and they say, "You gotta come back. We had to turn off the machines." We go back in. It happened so fast, because, you know, I'm only like 21 at this time and I'm just... And everyone's in shock, because she was like the heart of the family. And I go home and I remember, like, looking out and seeing people just like walking along and,

• 38:43Speaker 05

  you know, you know, holding their, their drink and like, you know, just they had, just had lunch. And now they're, and then there's somebody's walking back with groceries and these other people are laughing and like, life is going on.

• 38:52Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 38:53Speaker 05

  And I was like, you know, but, and I was like, okay, it's, it's not the birthdays and the Christmases and the New Years that we remember. It's not these big events. It's like, life happens on a Tuesday.

• 39:02Hoda Kotb?

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:03Speaker 05

  And that becomes a marker in your life. And you're like, that day, anything can happen on any given day. And, and you don't, you don't know it. My grandmother went to bed not knowing that the next day would be the last. None of us knew.

• 39:17Hoda Kotb?

  Right. I think we spend so much of our lives waiting for the big moments. The birthdays, the vacations, the milestones. But the truth is, some of the happiest moments show up on the most ordinary days. So, like this, I'll stop into a CVS because I need one thing. Somehow, the best part of the trip is never the thing I came for. So, maybe I'll grab a delicious well-market snack, or maybe I'll wander over to the Joyward Collection. It's really full of fun, cool, seasonal decor, thoughtful little gifts, and those little discoveries that make you so glad you stopped in. I have to tell you, if you're an Extra Care member, you're gonna save on things you're already buying. And those extra bucks really do add up.

• 40:01Hoda Kotb?

  Just watching that total go down at the checkout never, ever gets old. I know life's busy. We're all juggling a lot. And that's why I think those little unexpected moments of joy matter so much. So the next time you're running errands, stop by your local CVS Pharmacy. You may go in for something you need, but don't be surprised if you leave with something that simply makes your day a little brighter. Visit your local CVS Pharmacy, sponsored by CVS.

• 40:30Speaker 06

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• 41:02Speaker 06

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• 41:30Hoda Kotb?

  What did, cancer gave me things, which I reflected on later. It gave me courage, because I think I was a little bit of a scaredy cat when it came to asking for things at NBC. I was like, I can't ask. They don't have it. They always say no. Every, you know, I can't do it. I can't do it.

• 41:48Speaker 05

  By the way, it was part of the conditioning of being a minority woman.

• 41:51Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 41:52Speaker 05

  I know, you know.

• 41:53Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 41:53Speaker 05

  It's very easy for business affairs to say no.

• 41:55Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah, to say no.

• 41:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:56Hoda Kotb?

  So I remembered after I got sick and I had a mastectomy and I got this weird epiphany. It was like in the middle of the night, and I got four words. I got, "You can't scare me." And I was done with fear over stupid things. Real things I would be afraid of. Stupid thing, I wasn't. So I went to Rockefeller Center. I hit 52 on the button where it took me up to the, where your ears pop. And I walked into Jeff Zucker's office, who was the head. And I said, "You're starting a new hour of today." I said, I want that hour. And he was like, who the, who is this? I go, I, my name is Hoda. I said, I work at Dateline. I know I'm in a box. I just had cancer. I'm not afraid anymore. I don't care.

• 42:40Hoda Kotb?

  And I went through this big speech and I walked out of there. Like, my heart was pounding. I was literally sweating through my clothes. I went down and was like, oh, my God, I did it. I did it. Like, I couldn't believe I actually said it. And two weeks later, there was a producer who liked me, who was starting that show. Two weeks later, they called me and they were like, we're gonna give you a shot. And I was like, holy crap. If I hadn't have been sick, I don't think I would have had the gut. I would have continued because life was fine. But there was something about life having margins. And get busy.

• 43:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:15Hoda Kotb?

  Or, and stop being afraid of frivolous things. So it kinda gave me that, but.

• 43:20Speaker 05

  Because nothing, nothing, you realize that the scariest thing is at your doorstep.

• 43:26Hoda Kotb?

  Yes.

• 43:27Speaker 05

  So you're like, what else could be scary? You saying no?

• 43:30Hoda Kotb?

  Right, yawn. That's what I felt like. BS, who cares? So what?

• 43:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:35Hoda Kotb?

  So did, when you, so you got sick and then you were thinking, I'm sure you were thinking about having other kids and what would life be like? So did you think, well, those are dreams dashed? We should just continue? Or what, what changed?

• 43:47Speaker 05

  So, um, we had actually planned to, I had froze my eggs, um, twice in my thirties. And so, and we got pregnant naturally with Malcolm. And I was like, let's, you know, unfreeze these eggs and turn them into embryos. And that was actually already scheduled for the very next day after I learned I had breast cancer. So John was like, what, what should we do? What should we do? Cause, you know, and he's, I said, no, no, no, you keep, we keep going. I don't know what, what's gonna happen. Turns out, it was the best thing because I, like, I wouldn't be able to carry. And, um, hormones are really dangerous. Um, so we, we turned those eggs into embryos and we, we got a good amount.

• 44:30Speaker 05

  But I, I had this, I just was nervous, right? Cause I've heard of friends getting a lot of, cause I froze my eggs when I was thirty-four and thirty-nine. The thirty-four-year-old eggs were great. The thirty-nine-year-old eggs were all awash. So like sixteen eggs didn't.

• 44:44Hoda Kotb?

  Gone, wow.

• 44:45Speaker 05

  So because at. At certain ages, right, like one month is good, one month is not good. And so that would happen to be not a good month. And so I'm thinking like, well, the process, I'm like, oh, my gosh. So I'm like, I have, we have to try again. We have to.

• 44:58Hoda Kotb?

  And you weren't afraid, like the cancer, the sickness, what does this mean? You just kept, you were focused.

• 45:03Speaker 05

  I was afraid, but I realized then that I think I'll be afraid for the rest of my life because we always have to look over our shoulder. Because you're like, okay, the breast cancer is there. I had a double mastectomy. But it maybe there's trace amounts and could have come back in my bones, my blood. So it's always going to be there. And I had decided that I will. I can't choose where the fear wants to be and wants to sit. And I'm like, you might be sitting passenger side, might be sitting in the back, but it's going to be in the car of my life and it's going to be with me. So I just go, you're there.

• 45:34Hoda Kotb?

  Just that's it.

• 45:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, you're there. And, and so I did, I said to John, I want to try again. And my fertility doctor, Dr. Wong is amazing, a close friend. And he was like, look, there's a cancer protocol I can put you on. But it's going to be minimal hormones because, and it's going to take you about minimum six tries to get there. And we, we wanted a little girl. And so I was like, okay, um, I was like, I need like two more girls. We had one girl. With the thirty nine year old badge. And I was like, I want like two more. And he was like, we're going to go for one more. He's like, because I want to keep you safe. And that's, he's like, but he goes, but you're going to have to gear up to do it a lot. Because at my age at that point, he said, one out of ten eggs is going to be a healthy egg.

• 46:19Hoda Kotb?

  Okay, viable, yeah.

• 46:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, and it's viable. So then I went in and, and then the first time they were only able to get out seven. So I'm doing the math. Okay, we've lost, you know, thirty percent. And then only two made it to blastocyst, which means they're able to go get tested. So then. They get tested and he was like, just prepare yourself because the numbers on our side and also it's a fifty fifty girl or boy. And I remember I was talking with John one day and I said, look, I know he said one more, but you have to let me and support me going for two more. I just feel like I need two more. And he was like, okay, if that's what you feel, I'll support you. And then we got a call that day from Dr. Wong and he's like, it's the dream. It's two healthy baby girl embryos.

• 47:03Speaker 05

  It was like less than one percent chance we got it. And then my daughter, Mei Mei, she is, she's one of those two eggs. So if I hadn't gone through that again, this little girl wouldn't be here screaming all of the time. She screams. Malcolm doesn't scream.

• 47:20Hoda Kotb?

  Really? And Mei Mei is that's her?

• 47:22Speaker 05

  She's, you know what she did the other day? This is, this was the craziest thing to me, like just the thought process. It's only with me. I don't know, you know, it's the moms that you get it all. She comes over, mommy, mommy. And then she decides, she doesn't like throw, she decides to, looks at me, decides to squat down, lay down, throw her hands back. It was very decisive of every, every step.

• 47:44Hoda Kotb?

  Deliver.

• 47:45Speaker 05

  Starts screaming, screaming, and she does that a lot. So this time I was like, I go, Mei Mei, that looks so uncomfortable. And I walk, because usually I'll pick her up and be like, Mei Mei. But this time I was like, come on. So then I walk away and then when she opens her eyes, she's like, and then she sees me and she doesn't even get up. She scoots with her legs on her back to find me, finds me and then screams again. She does that around the house. It was like I moved four times. I couldn't believe it, this girl.

• 48:12Hoda Kotb?

  Oh, my gosh, she's feisty, man.

• 48:14Speaker 05

  She really is.

• 48:15Hoda Kotb?

  Wait, so your, your parenting and John's parenting, similar? You guys are pretty on, on par with each other?

• 48:22Speaker 05

  We were raised pretty differently. You know what? We have the same values. And we really get along and we really like each other. So, you know, not to say there aren't arguments. Our arguments come from, I've thought about this a lot because one of my friends was like, do you guys ever fight? And I was like, yeah. She's like, what do you fight about? And I cannot remember a thing.

• 48:42Hoda Kotb?

  That's good.

• 48:43Speaker 05

  Like that we specifically thought about, but I, but we do fight. And I could narrow it down to what makes us fight. And it's, it's just miscommunication.

• 48:53Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 48:53Speaker 05

  It's, I said this thing and then you thought I said this thing. Or, I told you to do this thing, but you didn't. And it's, it's like, and it's miscommunication with a combination of feeling overwhelmed.

• 49:03Hoda Kotb?

  Okay.

• 49:04Speaker 05

  And so it's never really a, like, a thing that we disagree on.

• 49:08Hoda Kotb?

  Why do you love him so much?

• 49:11Speaker 05

  John is such a generous soul. He, he loves being needed. You can put as much as you want onto his plate and he will happily take it. He wants you to, he's like, thank you for giving me this opportunity to help you and to shine. There are so many people in his life that he, he just steps up for all the time. Um, he, you know, when I went through breast cancer, he was running from my house to take care of Malcolm, put him to bed, and back to Cedars, bringing me, like, food and back and forth and back and forth all day long. And he's incredibly funny. A lot of people don't know that about him.

• 49:54Speaker 05

  But he, he's, he's just, he's very nice. He's very thoughtful. He's so smart. This guy is, we, he really wants to go on to Jeopardy, not Celebrity Jeopardy.

• 50:04Hoda Kotb?

  Oh, regular?

• 50:04Speaker 05

  Real Jeopardy. He's very, like, we've, uh, there's this, um, website, the jarchive.com.

• 50:12Hoda Kotb?

  Okay.

• 50:12Speaker 05

  And they have every Jeopardy question ever. And they have it, they made this little Jeopardy, like, boards. You can click on each one and it'll be like, you know, it looks just like it. And he just nails it every time.

• 50:25Hoda Kotb?

  So you got a smart, funny, sensitive, loving. You said you fell in love with him after Malcolm. What was the, do you know, can you put your finger on when?

• 50:35Speaker 05

  It's probably just like, there's a, you know, there's a, just a lot of things combined that, that compound into feeling like really safe with him. But I would say it's probably the hurdles that we had to face. Um, early on with just like... Merging our lives together. How is that going to be? I'm going through postpartum anxiety. I tell him, how does he handle that? My mom is crazy. She wants to set him up for me to be mad at him to take the heat off of her. He handles that well. There's just, it's every time we, we found a hurdle and he was, he was there. And, and a lot of times for me, I'm very much like, I can do it myself.

• 51:19Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah, I got it.

• 51:20Speaker 05

  And there are people like, no, no, let me help you. But John's very good at listening and respecting that. And so oftentimes he'll say like, the way that he acts is take your hurdle, I'll be on the other side. And when someone, when you trust someone enough to be there, then you see them with your, you know, with, you know, your child, it's, you know, it's a very, I just knew like, this is like a very special person.

• 51:44Hoda Kotb?

  I think we spend so much of our lives waiting for the big moments. The birthdays, the vacations, the milestones. But the truth is, some of the happiest moments show up on the most ordinary days. So like this, I'll stop into a CVS because I need one thing. Somehow the best part of the trip is never the thing I came for. So maybe I'll grab a delicious well-marked snack or maybe I'll wander over to the Joyward Collection. It's really full of fun, cool, seasonal decor, thoughtful little gifts, and those little discoveries that make you so glad you stopped in. I have to tell you, if you're an Extra Care member, you're going to save on things you're already buying. And those extra bucks really do add up.

• 52:28Hoda Kotb?

  Just watching that total go down at the checkout never, ever gets old. I know life's busy, we're all juggling a lot. And that's why I think those little unexpected moments of joy matter so much. So the next time you're running errands, stop by your local CVS pharmacy. You may go in for something you need, but don't be surprised if you leave with something that simply makes your day a little brighter. Visit your local CVS pharmacy, sponsored by CVS.

• 52:57Speaker 06

  This January, bare-knuckle fighting championship takes over the ocean. The inaugural Brew's Cruise sails from Miami to the Bahamas aboard the Norwegian Jewel. Three straight days with pool-deck bare-knuckle fights in the Caribbean. Mess of parties, beach events, DJs, cigars, tequila tastings and non-stop action. The lineup reveals coming soon. Cabins are disappearing fast and the prices won't stay this low. Reserve your spot with just $200 down at B K F S E A dot com.

• 53:26Speaker 05

  Buick knows confidence changes how you move through the world. That's why Buick designs SUVs with striking style and was named the most dependable mass market brand by J.D. Power. From the head-turning Buick En vista to the seven-passenger Enclave, experience the Buick SUV lineup at Buick dot com. Buick, exceptional by design. Buick received the few reported problems in its segment in the J.D. Power 2025-2026 U.S. Vehicle Dependability Studies based on 2022-2023 models. For J.D. Power 2026 award information, visit J D Power dot com slash awards.

• 53:56Hoda Kotb?

  You know what I love about you? We've talked for, I don't know, 40 minutes, whatever it is, and we haven't mentioned work once. And you are overflowing with goodness. It seems to me, I mean, you're doing this terrific show. It's called Your Friends and Neighbors. It's on Apple TV. But I feel like your life is so overflowing that that's, obviously, it's important to you, but you can see where your focus is.

• 54:19Speaker 05

  But it is my focus, the things that I'm, I'm really happy that I get to do the show. Like, you know, before I, I was offered the show, I had called my agents and said, like, I don't want to act anymore.

• 54:34Hoda Kotb?

  Oh.

• 54:35Speaker 05

  Like, so don't, don't put me up for anything. Just don't, I'm not available anymore for, till the end of time. And I, and by the way, I wasn't going to announce it. You know how like actors are like, I'm retiring.

• 54:46Hoda Kotb?

  Right.

• 54:47Speaker 05

  And you're, so you just. I'm like, you don't play for the Yankees. Like, we're not expecting you to be there on Tuesday. Like, where is he? First base is empty. You know? I'm like, guys, it's okay. You know? And so it was just a private thing that I was, I was making. It was a private decision. And.

• 55:06Speaker 05

  And then, and it's because I had gone through

• 55:09Hoda Kotb?

  Yes.

• 55:10Speaker 05

  So much.

• 55:10Hoda Kotb?

  All the things, yeah.

• 55:12Speaker 05

  And then, and then, and then they called me and they were like, hey, there's this show. You only have to do one season. You could do more if you want. They've expressed interest in that, but you know, it's Jon Hamm, Jonathan Tropper, the creator, Apple. I read it and was like, I think I can do this. So when I, when I did it, I forgot, I kind of forgot that I didn't really talk to Jon about it. I was just like, I'm doing this. And we had to go to New York now. And it wasn't like until maybe like a couple months into shooting, he was like, I, I should ask you. Are you not gonna retire now?

• 55:46Hoda Kotb?

  What's happening? So what is happening? You just, if you find a project you love, you'll do it.

• 55:50Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 55:51Hoda Kotb?

  What a great, what a great way to go through life, right?

• 55:54Speaker 05

  Well, because also, you know, my kids need my time. I need my time with them. I know how life changes in an instant.

• 56:07Speaker 05

  But I also have a big passion of helping women know about the lifetime risk assessment test with breast cancer. It's, I had no idea that when I talked about it, it would be so far reaching.

• 56:19Hoda Kotb?

  Yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 05

  And help so many people and, but that was my goal. That's what I wanted. And I never had a mission in life. You know, people were like, my mission is, I just have this passion mission. My, I just wanted to have a nice life, you know? Be a good person, good daughter, good, you know, all those things. And then all of a sudden I, I was like, oh, and I didn't realize that till like maybe my fourth surgery. And I was like, oh, this is what.

• 56:45Hoda Kotb?

  This is it.

• 56:45Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, I could, if I, if I do it right, maybe I could, maybe I could, could really make a difference.

• 56:51Hoda Kotb?

  Well, I think you talking about this test that people are unaware of is super important. And it didn't surprise me when I was watching what you're doing because you live your life in such a beautiful way. In all things. So

• 57:06Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 57:07Hoda Kotb?

  We do call this Joy 101, girl. So what, what is it that is bringing you in this, in this season? As we're reflecting on this life of yours? What's bringing you joy? Like what lights you up these days?

• 57:21Speaker 05

  Having a day off.

• 57:24Speaker 05

  You know, when you look at your calendar, John and I talk about that a lot. When you look at your calendar and it's just like, there's nothing to do that day.

• 57:28Hoda Kotb?

  Not one thing.

• 57:30Speaker 05

  So that, you know, I can hang out at home with the kids, or I can get dressed and go out, you know. It's, it's just like when, when I can do anything for myself and my family, just having an empty, an empty calendar on a day. Do you know that feeling?

• 57:46Hoda Kotb?

  By the way, it's the best feeling in the world. It's like I've got not one thing to do.

• 57:50Speaker 05

  Especially if it's not a weekend. You know what I mean? Pick a week, it has to be a weekday where you're like, what?

• 57:55Hoda Kotb?

  No, no, yeah, the weekends are reserved for Chuck E. Cheese.

• 57:58Speaker 05

  Yes, I know.

• 57:59Hoda Kotb?

  The things that we do. So if someone's listening right now and has gone through breast cancer, has gone through a difficult child, whatever they're going through, and can't find that light, they're like looking for it and they don't, they feel overwhelmed. Like you felt during these anxious times of the surgery, or maybe when you were a little girl. What, what's some advice that you would give them to try to find their way out of that?

• 58:25Speaker 05

  That's a tough question, right?

• 58:26Hoda Kotb?

  It's a big one, but just even glimmers of it.

• 58:29Speaker 05

  No, but I understand it, because I am, I, I'm asked that by other women who've gone through breast cancer. Because not everyone is in the position that you and I are in. We're so lucky we were given the opportunity to fight. A lot of people are in a position where they're told to get their affairs in order. They gotta figure out what to do with their children. It's, it's not the same for everyone. So there are people who are facing real fear. And so I, I think, I can say what has helped me. I, I've had friends and stuff ask me, like, how did you find yourself again?

• 59:05Speaker 05

  And I don't think about it as finding myself again. I think about returning to myself. And I'm like, when was it when I could just have a day? Where I didn't worry about anything and I I put myself back there. I remember being with my grandmother. In her car, you know, the kind of car that's like the front seat is like one big seat and you're just like no seatbelt swishing around. The cops are looking at you going, wait to take care of your kid. That's awesome. Keep it going. And running errands with her and going through the um. The bank, you know, when you have to do the tube that sucks it up.

• 59:42Hoda Kotb?

  Oh, my god, the tube, yeah.

• 59:44Speaker 05

  And then hearing that that sound of it sucking it. And then they send back some, you know, lollipops and. And this the humming of the car and that sound of a turn signal when it's quiet. And just driving around the streets, going to the salon where she got her her rollers in for the week, you know, the whole like curl it for the week and you're good. And in in that moment of my life and in those specific moments, I didn't have to think about anything.

• 1:00:12Speaker 05

  My mother, my grandmother were just, I was along for the ride. And it's so nice to think back and to return to myself in those moments where I don't have to make any big decisions. Where where life feels like it's forever. And I think that it's really hard to do that when you're in a tough position, when you're really scared.

• 1:00:38Speaker 05

  But with the time that we have here on earth, no matter how long or short it is, or no matter how. Quick it is coming upon us.

• 1:00:48Speaker 05

  Try to use that time to think back on those memories and return to yourself. Just live in yourself as much as possible.

• 1:00:56Hoda Kotb?

  Girl, I love you.

• 1:00:58Speaker 05

  Oh, I love you.

• 1:00:59Hoda Kotb?

  Awesome. Thank you for coming on my podcast.

• 1:01:01Speaker 05

  I'm so excited.

• 1:01:02Hoda Kotb?

  I feel very like, I don't know, tingly and.

• 1:01:06Speaker 05

  Oh, well, I love you and I'm so happy you're doing this. I was so happy, let me just say. To hear you. Make that such a big decision. Speaking of not being afraid, you know, making that decision. I mean, I think it shocked all of us because you're, you know, you and Jenna are so wonderful together. And we, everyone just loves you and, and you, it didn't seem like you, you were like, oh, like there's so much more for you to do. And that was a little bit strange. You're like, where are you going?

• 1:01:30Hoda Kotb?

  I know. What's happening? Where are you going? You know, it's so funny on those, on those moments where you're like, because when you said, I'm not going to act anymore. And you were, you had, you had made a big life choice. And it was interesting for me too, because when I, I remembered feeling like a warm hand on my heart when I decided. It was almost like my body relaxed. When I thought, that's it. Like this is the top of the wave and it's beautiful here. But I knew it was the top and I just, as I was thinking about it, I remembered saying to myself, like, I'm going to see if I can sleep. If I can put my head on the pillow without tossing it. Did I make the right decision? And I went home and I have a nine-year-old and a seven-year-old. So my seven-year-old was, who was six at the time, was climbing a tree in the front yard.

• 1:02:14Hoda Kotb?

  And she was up and down. I was thinking about this Today Show thing. What should I do? And I watched her climb up and down, up and down. Look at me, mommy. I'm like, oh my God, you're up again. And I was, I go, sweetie, you're at the top again. I go, now what are you going to do? And she goes, well, I guess it's time to find a different tree.

• 1:02:30Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:02:31Hoda Kotb?

  I go, what? She goes, a different one, right, mom? I'm already climbed this. And I go, yeah, yeah. So everywhere I looked, there were bursts and signs. So it's interesting how life guides you. And the thing I, the only thing I ever really wanted to do was, like, I feel like we all get one ride around the sun. So just put goodness in. And that's it. So I was like, I just want to build something that makes people feel good. So that was.

• 1:02:58Speaker 05

  I heard someone say something, then you just reminded me of that. Said.

• 1:03:04Speaker 05

  A great way to double your life is to do something different every day. Because when we do the same things every day, the days all blend in. But if you go to this coffee shop instead of that, if you go ahead and just text that one person, that one friend you haven't talked to in a long time, you will start to remember those days because it's the things that are different that you end up remembering.

• 1:03:28Hoda Kotb?

  That's so good.

• 1:03:29Speaker 05

  So then your days feel different. Your days feel longer, you remember them more. You're just do one thing different every day.

• 1:03:38Hoda Kotb?

  That's good.

• 1:03:39Speaker 05

  I know, so I've started doing that.

• 1:03:41Hoda Kotb?

  Really?

• 1:03:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, like even coming here to see you.

• 1:03:43Hoda Kotb?

  This is new, this is different.

• 1:03:45Speaker 05

  This is new, this is different. Or with my children, you know, I have realized I'm not the museum mom. I'm not. John's always like, "Do you want to go to the math museum?" "I do not." "There's one here, I don't care." "What about, what about the children's museum?" "It's for children." "Okay, what about the MoMA?" "That's for adults." I don't know how to explain this to you. He's a big museum dad. But I've decided, I was like, "Okay, I will go." Even if it's not something I want to do because I want to double my days. I want to experience something new, do something new every day. It will double your life.

• 1:04:17Hoda Kotb?

  We're gonna end right there, it's perfect.

• 1:04:18Speaker 05

  I love you.

• 1:04:18Hoda Kotb?

  I love you too, Olivia, thank you.

• 1:04:19Speaker 05

  I'm so happy I got to see you.

• 1:04:20Hoda Kotb?

  Me too.

• 1:04:23Hoda Kotb?

  Okay, that was like a beautiful conversation with Olivia Munn. I mean, I'm smiling right now because I had chills while she was talking about all the things. And what I mean, as I was, as I'm thinking about it, it's such a reminder that to have like beautiful highs in life, all of the beautiful things that have happened. She also had things that were really difficult and challenging. And I think it reflects both ways. Like you could live your life kind of middle of the road, all the way, and you don't have any of these highs or lows, but your life will be just that, like a straight arrow. But for Olivia, she's been through it, she took risks, she fell in love or tried over and over. She ended up having a career.

• 1:05:08Hoda Kotb?

  She ended up first falling in love with her son and then falling in love With her soon to be husband, John Mulaney. I'm so into Olivia Munn and everything that she's about. Anyway, God, I feel floaty a little bit after her. I don't know what it is about her, but being in her presence is beautiful. It's a beautiful, beautiful experience. Again, her show, Your Friends and Neighbors, is on Apple TV, season two. And I love that she was like, "I'm not going to work anymore." Then she's like, "Okay, I'll do that one." So she, everything's on her terms. How beautiful is life there? All right, you know me, I like to close with a poem.

• 1:05:49Hoda Kotb?

  This one's one of my favorites, and it's called "Joy Chooses You." "Joy does not arrive with a fanfare on a red carpet strewn with the flowers of a perfect life. Joy sneaks in as you pour a cup of coffee, watching the sunlight hit your favorite tree just right. And you usher joy away because you're not ready for her. Your house is not as it should be for such a distinguished guest. But joy cares nothing for your messy home, or your bank balance, or your waistline. You see, joy is supposed to slither through the cracks of your imperfect life. That's how joy works. You cannot truly invite her. You can only be ready when she appears and hug her with meaning, because in this very

• 1:06:33Hoda Kotb?

  moment, joy chose you." So, when joy comes knocking at the door, just let her in. Thanks for listening, guys.

• 1:07:03Hoda Kotb?

  I've realized that joy doesn't always come from those big moments. Sometimes you find it on the most ordinary day. I'll pop into a CVS for toothpaste or paper towels, and it never seems to be just a quick errand. Maybe I'll grab a delicious Well Market Trail Mix or wander over to the Joyward Collection. That's part of the fun. So the next time you're checking something off your to-do list, stop by your local CVS pharmacy. You might go in for one thing and leave with a little more joy. Visit your local CVS pharmacy, sponsored by CVS.

• 1:07:34Speaker 06

  This January, bare knuckle fighting championship takes over the ocean. The inaugural Brew's Cruise sails from Miami to the Bahamas aboard the Norwegian Jewel. Three straight days with pool deck bare knuckle fights in the Caribbean. Mess of parties, beach events, DJs, cigars, tequila tastings and nonstop action. The lineup reveals coming soon. Cabins are disappearing fast and the prices won't stay this low. Reserve your spot with just $200 down at B K F S E A dot com.

• 1:08:04Speaker 03

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• 1:08:31Speaker 01

  This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.