Ep 234: Mark Normand & Sam Morril

No guest this week, but Mark and Sam are all over the map. They kick things off with Hollywood gossip and late-night mishaps, then detour into veganism debates, tragic car accidents, and why lamp switches are the real enemy. They relive playoff heartbreak for the Knicks and Celtics, share Euro trip highlights from Iceland, and break down why navigating language barriers is harder than ever. Plus, the boys unpack Team America’s genius, rant about drinking culture, and drop some highly questionable Charlie Sheen and P. Diddy stories. Sponsored by: 💸 Cancel your unwanted subscriptions with Rocket Money https://www.rocketmoney.com/DRUNK 🧘 Chill out: 30% off your first Cornbread Hemp order https://www.cornbreadhemp.com/DRUNKS — code DRUNKS 🎧 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD 🛒 Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ 🎬 Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets 🎙️ Check out That Sounds Right — the comedy panel show hosted by the producer of WMBD: https://www.youtube.com/@thatsoundsrightshow Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #RocketMoney #CornbreadHemp #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  A solo app? What are we doing?

• 0:07Mark Normand?

  Hey, we need it.

• 0:08Sam Morril?

  I missed it.

• 0:09Mark Normand?

  Missed it. Lots to talk about. We don't want some fucking queef from Hollywood butting in on our convo. Oh, how'd you get started? Who'd you fuck? Do you know Weinstein? Enough.

• 0:20Sam Morril?

  They never know Weinstein.

• 0:21Mark Normand?

  They all, they don't know him.

• 0:23Sam Morril?

  Although I met a woman who said she met him. And he hit on her. And, but he wasn't aggressive.

• 0:29Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 0:30Sam Morril?

  He accepted the shutdown. He was like, "I'm sorry."

• 0:32Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 0:33Sam Morril?

  Isn't that weird?

• 0:34Mark Normand?

  Now, it's funny because she probably hides that story. Like, she won't go public with that.

• 0:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's, well, you don't want to be the person who's like, "We didn't rape me."

• 0:42Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 0:43Sam Morril?

  Because other, he probably did do it to other women, so...

• 0:46Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Interesting. Well...

• 0:49Sam Morril?

  What a start to the episode. Jesus.

• 0:52Mark Normand?

  Have you seen that montage where everybody's like, "Harvey, I love you. You're a god." And they're all like kissing his fingers and his feet and toes and lips.

• 0:58Sam Morril?

  He did...

• 0:59Speaker 02

  So apparently, he didn't have a working penis.

• 1:02Mark Normand?

  That's what they, that's what they say.

• 1:03Sam Morril?

  He didn't have a working penis?

• 1:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04Sam Morril?

  So he had like, he had like a Luke Skywalker like bionic hand type cock or something? What was going on?

• 1:09Speaker 02

  I think he was just eating women out.

• 1:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's...

• 1:12Sam Morril?

  He was a gentleman!

• 1:13Mark Normand?

  That's a charity.

• 1:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's a good guy.

• 1:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I heard it was a nub that didn't really work. But then they say that Epstein, Hitler, and Pete Diddy also had a bad dick.

• 1:23Sam Morril?

  Egg-shaped penis.

• 1:25Mark Normand?

  There you go. So something's going on. We got a pattern here.

• 1:28Sam Morril?

  Over difficult to live with.

• 1:31Sam Morril?

  This thing on? Alright. Uh, no, it's, uh...

• 1:33Mark Normand?

  Overpriced, these things.

• 1:34Sam Morril?

  Overpriced.

• 1:35Mark Normand?

  Egg-shaped penis.

• 1:36Sam Morril?

  Oh my god. I went to a diner in the Village. It was like a $30 for an omelet.

• 1:39Mark Normand?

  It's crazy!

• 1:40Sam Morril?

  It's fucking, it's getting a little out of hand.

• 1:42Mark Normand?

  It's way out of hand. We went to a diner the other day. It was a omelet with potato. I got a bowl of soup, and I think it was like $59 or something.

• 1:48Sam Morril?

  Dude, and it's like, you know it's bad when presidents are being like, "I'm gonna do something about these eggs."

• 1:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. It all comes down to the eggs.

• 1:56Sam Morril?

  And the eggs, eggs, people love eggs.

• 1:57Mark Normand?

  Well, if you can find the story, they're smuggling eggs over the border.

• 2:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:01Mark Normand?

  Now, which is like, first of all, that's funny, but also...

• 2:05Sam Morril?

  It's like the movie Sorcerer. You gotta be really careful. You don't want to fucking, you don't want to break them.

• 2:09Mark Normand?

  The toughest smuggle of all, like fentanyl you can put up your ass. You put an egg up your ass, that's gonna crack and make a chicken.

• 2:15Sam Morril?

  Except for the vibrating egg. That's a good thing, remember that?

• 2:18Mark Normand?

  That's true, the vibrating egg.

• 2:19Sam Morril?

  That was a Jim Jefferies bit.

• 2:20Mark Normand?

  That was big, that egg. There it is! So are border smuggling. How do they smuggle that shit?

• 2:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:28Mark Normand?

  I mean, one sneeze and it's all, we did the egg drop challenge, remember that? Egg drop soup? You never did the egg drop challenge?

• 2:35Sam Morril?

  What is that?

• 2:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's where you, uh...

• 2:37Sam Morril?

  Oh, you drop it from a high thing and you make sure it doesn't, I did that, yeah.

• 2:39Mark Normand?

  You have to design an apparatus that keeps it from cracking. And I, I won mine.

• 2:44Sam Morril?

  Did you? How'd you, how'd you wrap it?

• 2:46Mark Normand?

  I just went to town. I did like a cushion with a bubble wrap with the...

• 2:50Sam Morril?

  The immigrants are listening right now.

• 2:51Mark Normand?

  With a pantyhose.

• 2:52Sam Morril?

  How does this go?

• 2:53Mark Normand?

  I won.

• 2:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, damn. I do love eggs.

• 2:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love eggs.

• 2:57Sam Morril?

  When people are vegan, I'm like, but the eggs!

• 2:59Mark Normand?

  I know, I had two today!

• 3:01Sam Morril?

  But they, but they have like, you know, they have is like the just egg? But that shit is trash. You know, whenever they're showing you, you know, whenever... It's, look it up. It's like, it's like, it's like egg beater stuff. You just pull it, but it's not real.

• 3:13Mark Normand?

  Ah, get out of here. I'd rather...

• 3:14Sam Morril?

  It's all imitation.

• 3:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:16Sam Morril?

  It's all fake.

• 3:17Mark Normand?

  Ugh, gross.

• 3:19Sam Morril?

  You know what that shit is? It's like you go to the play and you get the understudy.

• 3:22Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 3:23Sam Morril?

  That's what the just egg is. Except the understudy at least is good. You still might have a good show.

• 3:28Mark Normand?

  Good point. Yeah. It's a horrible name, cause you're like, I'd rather just an egg.

• 3:33Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 3:34Mark Normand?

  What is, is it a real egg?

• 3:36Sam Morril?

  Eggs from plants.

• 3:37Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 3:39Sam Morril?

  No, it's trash.

• 3:40Mark Normand?

  Get out of here with that communist.

• 3:41Sam Morril?

  I dated a girl who was like trying to do the vegan thing for a while and like you get sucked into it. Like, you know, cause you're just trying not to be... Then you be the guy who's just like, well, I don't want to be difficult.

• 3:50Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 3:51Sam Morril?

  It's annoying that like, oh, so we're gonna order from two different places?

• 3:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:54Sam Morril?

  But then you're like, yeah, I guess we have to.

• 3:55Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 3:56Sam Morril?

  Cause then she tried, was like, all right, let me try a real pizza. And she was like, what the fuck? I was like, yeah, I was lying to you. Your shit sucked. Your, your fake cheese pizza was trash.

• 4:04Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 4:05Sam Morril?

  The only thing they get away with is like the cashew milk or, you know, oat milk. No, but like that ice cream can still be good.

• 4:13Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 4:14Sam Morril?

  Like the Van Leeuwen, like that, that shit is, the vegan flavors are pretty good, but...

• 4:17Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 4:17Sam Morril?

  But that just happens to be good.

• 4:19Mark Normand?

  Right, right. It's one of the rare ones. Also, it's seventeen dollars more for the vegan shit.

• 4:23Sam Morril?

  It's, that's what they don't talk about. How, it's, it's a luxury to be vegan.

• 4:27Mark Normand?

  It's a luxury and they act like they're saving the world, but we're adapting to them.

• 4:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, also...

• 4:32Mark Normand?

  I'm the nice guy.

• 4:33Sam Morril?

  You're saving the world, but you're ruining the hang. You're a bad hang.

• 4:37Mark Normand?

  And the meal.

• 4:37Sam Morril?

  Inconvenience, yeah. No, I, I, I had people over for the game the other night and I was ordering, my friend's like, you should get a vegetarian option. I'm like, ugh.

• 4:45Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 4:47Sam Morril?

  Pizza usually are safe.

• 4:48Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 4:49Sam Morril?

  But you know, uh.

• 4:50Mark Normand?

  You can have cheese with a vegetarian.

• 4:52Sam Morril?

  But the vegans with the no cheese, they're taking it, they're taking it, well, they say it's not, it's not ethically done.

• 4:57Mark Normand?

  I, I agree, but like, you're, you're the weirdo. You should figure your problem out. We gotta adapt to your thing? If, if, if you're handicapped, and I got a, I got a stairwell, I, I can't build you a ramp? That's a bad example. You should always have a ramp.

• 5:13Sam Morril?

  The handicap person, it might not be their fault.

• 5:15Mark Normand?

  Ah-ha.

• 5:15Sam Morril?

  The vegan guy's choosing it.

• 5:16Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 5:17Sam Morril?

  The handicap guy didn't choose to get hit by a car?

• 5:19Mark Normand?

  Good point. The vegan's choosing to do a wheelchair when you didn't need it.

• 5:24Sam Morril?

  It, I was with a guy, and he, he's vegan, he was telling me, uh, he goes, I would, I would eat eggs if I had a farm, and I knew that the, uh, I'm like, yeah, at that point, I'm like, how far are we gonna take this?

• 5:36Mark Normand?

  Who's got this kinda guy?

• 5:37Sam Morril?

  At what point?

• 5:38Mark Normand?

  But also, doesn't a chicken just shit out an egg? It's not hurting them.

• 5:41Sam Morril?

  I love it. If I had a farm, it's Manhattan.

• 5:43Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 5:44Sam Morril?

  Where the fuck's the farm?

• 5:45Mark Normand?

  Ah, get outta here. Farmer, what is it all, what's the?

• 5:48Sam Morril?

  Farmers only?

• 5:49Mark Normand?

  State Farm. There you go.

• 5:51Sam Morril?

  Like a good neighbor?

• 5:52Mark Normand?

  That's the one.

• 5:53Sam Morril?

  Like an annoying friend? I'm gonna ruin the hang, yeah. No, it's fucking, the, the vegan stuff, God bless you. So, it's hard, I, also, like, when the comics we know do it, you're like, how the fuck do you do it?

• 6:05Mark Normand?

  On the road?

• 6:05Sam Morril?

  Late at night on like a Wednesday.

• 6:07Mark Normand?

  Crazy, crazy. You gotta carry like a Nutri Grain bar or something on you.

• 6:11Sam Morril?

  That shit's all bad for you too.

• 6:12Mark Normand?

  I think the vegan stuff is bad, like that Impossible Burger, they did the math on that, it's like way worse for you.

• 6:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 6:17Mark Normand?

  Than a, than a piece of beef.

• 6:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, probably.

• 6:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, cuz you gotta pack it in like the, the Snack Wells, like, hey, these are actually fat-free, but they're like covered in gluten, sugar.

• 6:27Sam Morril?

  What a sham that, my grandparents fell for that shit.

• 6:29Mark Normand?

  I did too.

• 6:30Sam Morril?

  Closet full of Snack Wells, my grandma's ass, it never looked fatter.

• 6:34Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes!

• 6:35Sam Morril?

  I mean, it was like, this, this ain't working.

• 6:37Mark Normand?

  All these poor housewives are getting fatter and fatter, eating that devil's food cake bullshit.

• 6:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that, that shit was not, it was not real.

• 6:45Mark Normand?

  No, no, it was pretty good. I had a few sleeves.

• 6:47Sam Morril?

  It didn't taste bad, but everything, there's always a new craze, every year, like, have you tried these Fig Newtons?

• 6:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 6:52Sam Morril?

  I, they're awful.

• 6:53Mark Normand?

  They're all, they're horrible for you, but that's what I was zipping.

• 6:56Sam Morril?

  But they, the Fig Newtons don't even taste good.

• 6:58Mark Normand?

  Ah, I don't mind a Newton.

• 7:00Sam Morril?

  They're alright.

• 7:00Mark Normand?

  I don't mind a Newton.

• 7:02Sam Morril?

  They're in the cookie category. You, you, you're putting the Fig Newton next to an Oreo that you think it's alright?

• 7:08Mark Normand?

  That's a good point, that's a good point. That's like putting Roseanne next to Heidi Klum. You got a point. But yeah, put that shit in the hippie dippy power bar aisle. Yes.

• 7:19Sam Morril?

  Well, next to a power bar is good. Fine. I guess it's whatever. Yeah, but you're eating a power bar because it's like a meal replacement type thing, right? You're eating a Fig Newton is like, that's like billed as a dessert.

• 7:30Mark Normand?

  What about the Newman's Own?

• 7:32Sam Morril?

  Which one? Oh, like Paul Newman?

• 7:33Mark Normand?

  At least you know it's going to sickle cell or whatever.

• 7:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Gotta love Paul Newman.

• 7:38Mark Normand?

  Ah, you gotta love Paul Newman.

• 7:40Sam Morril?

  The lemonade?

• 7:40Mark Normand?

  The lemonade, the spaghetti sauce, the Fig Newtons.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  What if he's just ripping off other people's products and putting his name on it?

• 7:47Mark Normand?

  Pretty much. And his face.

• 7:49Sam Morril?

  He was like the Robin Hood of the fucking, of the tomato paste aisle.

• 7:53Mark Normand?

  Sent it all to kids.

• 7:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 7:55Mark Normand?

  His kid, I think, killed himself.

• 7:56Sam Morril?

  Did he?

• 7:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I believe so. Give that a go.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Was that a hang gliding accident or did he kill himself?

• 8:01Mark Normand?

  Ah, hang glide. I don't know about that.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  Johnny Carson's son or Newman's son died in a hang gliding accident.

• 8:07Mark Normand?

  Wow. Hang glide. That came and went, huh?

• 8:10Sam Morril?

  That's, uh, yeah, that does not look like a good idea.

• 8:12Mark Normand?

  No. Oh, no.

• 8:14Sam Morril?

  How do you look at that thing and think, yeah, I'm gonna do that?

• 8:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. We should put vegans on a hang glider.

• 8:18Sam Morril?

  What happened?

• 8:19Mark Normand?

  Bad hang.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  Oh, Mark.

• 8:23Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute. I think he killed himself.

• 8:25Speaker 02

  Motorcycle accident in the fall of 1978. He was taking painkillers to ease his discomfort. Yada, yada, yada. Alcohol, drugs. Looks like he OD'd.

• 8:35Mark Normand?

  Okay, there you go.

• 8:36Sam Morril?

  I'll take it a step further. We're talking hang gliders. What's motorcycles? What are we doing?

• 8:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's a bad idea.

• 8:42Sam Morril?

  You're not.

• 8:43Mark Normand?

  The odds are against you.

• 8:45Sam Morril?

  There are, especially the guys, they had to pass a law a few years ago in Connecticut so that they would be forced to wear helmets.

• 8:51Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 8:52Sam Morril?

  Because people were sick of scooping their heads off the side of the road. But they don't want to wear helmets because they feel the breeze in their face.

• 8:59Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 8:59Sam Morril?

  They like the breeze, but...

• 9:01Mark Normand?

  Well, me and him like to take a nice little bike cycle around the city.

• 9:05Sam Morril?

  But no helmet.

• 9:06Mark Normand?

  We don't wear helmets.

• 9:06Sam Morril?

  You gotta wear a helmet.

• 9:07Mark Normand?

  You have no excuse. I gotta protect the bird's nest. You got a fucking iron dome up there.

• 9:12Sam Morril?

  Main station, you're gonna be wiping your own asses for the rest of your lives. You're not careful. It's not, because it's not you, it's the other, because I saw a guy, this is a walking city to me. Fuck the scooters, you know? So I crossed. diagonally through an intersection. I see a guy on a scooter. I see a guy in a scooter and he looked really angry at me and I was like, fuck you, it's a Walker City.

• 9:30Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 9:30Sam Morril?

  But he gave me one of these and I was like, fuck you, you're in a suit on a scooter. Who the fuck? Go fuck yourself.

• 9:35Mark Normand?

  Ah, the suit scooters are a bad combo.

• 9:37Sam Morril?

  Cause you're powerful, but you're not.

• 9:39Mark Normand?

  Right, a business scoot.

• 9:41Sam Morril?

  Unless you're like the CEO of scooting. You're kind of a pussy.

• 9:46Mark Normand?

  Well, that poor Sam's got a fan out there in a wheelchair. He's like, ah, it's a walking city. I guess I'll never go there.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  So I was wrong about Carson's son. Uh, Ricky died in a car accident while shooting nature photographs.

• 9:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, man, that sucks.

• 10:00Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 10:01Mark Normand?

  Well, you can't shoot while you drive, Ricky. That's the problem. Put the, uh, put the camera down while you're at the, on the gas.

• 10:08Sam Morril?

  That was the texting while driving of its day.

• 10:11Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's true. There you go. I'm a big texter while driver.

• 10:14Sam Morril?

  Are you?

• 10:15Mark Normand?

  It's like drinking and smoking. They go together.

• 10:17Sam Morril?

  It's like steak and potatoes.

• 10:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:19Sam Morril?

  It's a good combo.

• 10:20Mark Normand?

  And they're, they're good apart, but together, wow.

• 10:22Sam Morril?

  It feels, it's, it's, yeah, cause it makes it fly by, right?

• 10:25Mark Normand?

  Flies by, you're getting shit done while driving. I, I love it. But you can do the voice. That's the key.

• 10:30Sam Morril?

  The voice does help.

• 10:31Mark Normand?

  Hey, hey, tell Sal accused to wear a helmet.

• 10:35Sam Morril?

  But that's LA people. Whenever, LA people would just leave you like a minute and a half and you're like, fuck, now I gotta listen to a minute and a half of this fucking person.

• 10:42Mark Normand?

  Don't do that.

• 10:43Sam Morril?

  pontificating about fucking bullshit.

• 10:45Mark Normand?

  You can type it out with your voice, I mean. So it sends a text.

• 10:47Sam Morril?

  I like that.

• 10:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm not doing the audio.

• 10:50Sam Morril?

  But the LA people always leave you, all the LA people I know, it's like a long fucking message.

• 10:54Mark Normand?

  The worst is you see the guy at the, at the park or whatever and he's going, uh, take a note too. And he's like, well, like we all have to hear his fucking phone thing. Like, get out of here.

• 11:05Sam Morril?

  Here's why the voice thing's so obnoxious. He found a way to, to elongate the voice message.

• 11:09Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 11:10Sam Morril?

  So now it's the voice message, but it's going on and on. And go, okay, cool. Here's another one. What, what are you doing?

• 11:16Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 11:16Sam Morril?

  I'm not, yeah, I'm not listening to your album here. Fuck you.

• 11:20Mark Normand?

  It's brutal.

• 11:20Sam Morril?

  I hate it.

• 11:21Mark Normand?

  It's too, and they always, they never have all their thoughts together. Like, what was that guy? Who played Yoda? Frank Oz. That was it. Boy, he's good.

• 11:31Sam Morril?

  It's the rough draft. Oh, yeah. You gotta get it together. You gotta like have a fucking.

• 11:37Mark Normand?

  It's the rough draft.

• 11:38Sam Morril?

  It's insane.

• 11:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, remember that old Craig Baldow joke?

• 11:41Sam Morril?

  I love this bit. I know the bit you're gonna say.

• 11:43Mark Normand?

  That was his big bit.

• 11:45Sam Morril?

  What was?

• 11:45Mark Normand?

  He was like, listening to Elton John, he's like, something, something, then again, no. And he's like, I don't want the rough draft.

• 11:51Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 11:51Mark Normand?

  Finish the fucking song before you record it on the studio.

• 11:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he had some funny shit, man.

• 11:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he was funny. He's a, he's a sports reporter now or something.

• 11:59Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 11:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, in Boston.

• 12:00Sam Morril?

  Oh shit.

• 12:01Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm. Funny guy. I remember every great bit I heard when I moved to New York, cause I remember Leo Allen had that great bit about pet stores. He's like, they say, don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry. Don't go to the pet store when you're lonely.

• 12:12Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's great.

• 12:13Mark Normand?

  I'll take all the turtles and I'm gonna name them Elizabeth.

• 12:16Sam Morril?

  Elizabeth.

• 12:18Sam Morril?

  That's good, man.

• 12:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. That's, you know, I remember every Tom Caffrey, McCaffrey bit. I got them all.

• 12:23Sam Morril?

  So many, so many good bits. My favorite one was, you, you pick, like I was a pussy when I was a kid, so if someone would pick a fight with me, I would just give them a time and location that was really difficult to get to.

• 12:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:34Sam Morril?

  He'd be like, oh, this, oh, this guy wants to go? You and me. Uh, Mount, Christmas morning, Mount St. Helen. He's like, that's kinda hard to get to. And he's like, you hear this pussy? Oh, you wanna go? You and me, Vanity Fair, Oscars after-party. That's kind of a tight list. This pussy's not even gonna get on the list.

• 12:53Mark Normand?

  That's brilliant. That's a brilliant joke.

• 12:54Sam Morril?

  That's a great fucking joke.

• 12:56Mark Normand?

  I think I've said it on here before, but he had the, he had the first, you know, girl and guy give you the, the boyfriend, girlfriend give you the, the hall pass.

• 13:02Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 13:03Mark Normand?

  You could fuck her. And he's like, the, the girlfriend's like, George Clooney, uh, you know, Val Kilber, whatever, Nicolas Cage. What about you? He goes, the girl from the store. My, Sheila, whatever it was.

• 13:16Sam Morril?

  Everyone ended up copying that bit.

• 13:18Mark Normand?

  Completely.

• 13:18Sam Morril?

  That's one of those bits that like sounds hacky in retrospect, but the first time I heard it, I was like, damn, that's good.

• 13:23Mark Normand?

  Damn, that's good. He had the, the great bit. He's like, I read the Jenna Jameson book. The movie was better.

• 13:28Sam Morril?

  Yes, classic. Quick.

• 13:29Mark Normand?

  Quick.

• 13:30Sam Morril?

  He had good shit, man.

• 13:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Because I couldn't write it. I was so bad. I was so new at comedy. So seeing other people's jokes really inspired me.

• 13:37Sam Morril?

  Also, he would kill on like the tough rooms.

• 13:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:41Sam Morril?

  Those were, yeah, dude. I need new jokes. I was just like, I was just on a run, man. I was in a, I did eleven nights on a tour bus. And then we're filming a movie while we're doing it. So I'm just like, by the end, I'm fucking cranky, I'm sleep deprived. But like some of these venues, man, the Masonic and SF, fucking SF is amazing.

• 14:00Mark Normand?

  One of the top comedy.

• 14:01Sam Morril?

  Lot, some less homeless people too.

• 14:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, good.

• 14:03Sam Morril?

  They're still poop, but they were, you know, it's like mice. They're still there. But, you know, but it was beautiful. It was great.

• 14:09Mark Normand?

  All right. Yeah, I saw some, some, sometimes people tag you and they tag me too, just because we have a pod. So one guy was like, best show I've ever seen.

• 14:17Sam Morril?

  Oh, they were good. You know what my favorite one of the whole run was, I think, was Seattle, the Moore Theater. Fucking, Seattle's just something, something about it.

• 14:24Mark Normand?

  I love that town. By the water down there with the pipes.

• 14:27Sam Morril?

  Vancouver's dicey right now.

• 14:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:29Sam Morril?

  We, we, we go outside. So, you know, I'm flying high after the Knicks win. They won, uh, it's just, they just won game two. I'm losing my mind against the Celtics. And I go, oh, yeah, there's, this is, uh, game six. Stavi and I, some guy tagged us. We're running through the street just fucking screaming.

• 14:46Mark Normand?

  That's an amazing photo.

• 14:47Sam Morril?

  I turned to Stavi, I'm like, should we embrace Seventh Avenue in the madness? And he goes, we must.

• 14:51Mark Normand?

  You have to.

• 14:52Sam Morril?

  And we ran out there like, ah.

• 14:54Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 14:56Sam Morril?

  People were climbing the fucking billboards. It's mayhem. It's like, you know, but, uh, yeah, we, I'm going nuts. I'm so happy. And then after the show, my, my tour manager's like, run down to the green room. And I'm like, why? And he's like, just run. I'm like, all right, Jesus. And there's a guy wielding a machete in the alleyway trying to get in. I'm like, all right.

• 15:13Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 15:14Sam Morril?

  Fucking Vancouver, man. It's dicey.

• 15:16Mark Normand?

  Holy moly.

• 15:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 15:17Mark Normand?

  So give me the, the Knicks rundown. They, they won the first, lost the second, won the third?

• 15:22Sam Morril?

  No, they, they won the first two rounds, but, oh, against the Celtics. They won the first two. They lost, game three's big because if you're up three oh, you never lose.

• 15:30Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 15:30Sam Morril?

  In the NBA.

• 15:31Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 15:32Sam Morril?

  But, uh, they won the first two. They lost game three.

• 15:35Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 15:35Sam Morril?

  Ended up going to game four with my mom. Pretty fucking badass.

• 15:39Mark Normand?

  I know. I wish I could have gone.

• 15:39Sam Morril?

  It was pretty damn. Fun and then uh.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Did you get any?

• 15:43Sam Morril?

  I did. I fucked my mom, dude. It was pretty cool.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  Andy.

• 15:47Sam Morril?

  Look, it was, they put us on the kiss cam.

• 15:51Sam Morril?

  No, we, dude, it was pretty epic. Brunson went off. Tatum tours Achilles, that sucked for the Celtics. But then, uh, yeah, and then I went back for game six with Lil Stavi and then, uh. Yeah, we were flying high, man. Walking through the streets, just embracing the fucking, just high fiving strangers, just loving it.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  When was the last time they were in this level of playoffs?

• 16:14Sam Morril?

  Twenty five years.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  So now what happens?

• 16:18Sam Morril?

  Dude, I almost booked a gig in Indy to go game four. I almost was like, I'll fuck, I, I booked it. I booked the flight. I booked the hotel. And I got a gig and then I just was like, dude, what am I doing? I know, I'm so tired though. I'm just like burnt out. I, I've hit fifty cities already this year. I'm like, what am I doing to my, my body was like, what are you doing to me?

• 16:38Speaker 02

  You're gonna get a little break though. Cause that's in what, two weeks?

• 16:41Sam Morril?

  We got other shit. No, it's, it would be like next. I mean, I don't know when this is coming out, but we're, we're dating this episode right now. But, uh, no, I just was fucking, that last run, just like, cause we did, you know, we're doing the tour bus movie. So then we have. The third run, they gave us a different bus, so we just couldn't film anything. I was like, oh, so now I can't shoot. So we had to film everything on the fourth run. I was just like, it'd be like, I'd do two shows and I'd get off and be like. Oh, we gotta film till three. And then Vida would be like, we need a shot of you like looking out the bus window at seven. I'd be like, all right. So it was like that for like eleven days.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  But did you finish?

• 17:19Sam Morril?

  Finished that part. Not the whole thing, but yeah, we're getting them. No, we still got shit to do.

• 17:23Speaker 02

  No, that's true.

• 17:23Sam Morril?

  But it's, uh, no, we're, we're cooking, man. It's, it's.

• 17:26Speaker 02

  You're recently single, if that's what it says. Are you meeting?

• 17:29Sam Morril?

  Sure, sure, Howard Stern.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  Are you meeting women on the road?

• 17:34Sam Morril?

  Uh, it's hard on the road because of the bus. I want, I think I want to do a bit about this, cause like, I think this could be a bit.

• 17:42Sam Morril?

  We were like fooling around a little and she goes, uh, I wanna kill you. And I was like, I'll humor this, let's see where this goes. So, uh, I was like.

• 17:50Mark Normand?

  What, you met Casey Anthony?

• 17:53Sam Morril?

  She's out there.

• 17:54Mark Normand?

  I know, she's not bad.

• 17:55Sam Morril?

  She's not bad.

• 17:55Mark Normand?

  She's not bad.

• 17:56Sam Morril?

  Would you?

• 17:56Mark Normand?

  Thought about it, why? Yeah, I've already jerked off to her twice.

• 17:59Sam Morril?

  But would you roll the dice?

• 18:01Mark Normand?

  Eh, I wouldn't sleep with one eye open.

• 18:03Sam Morril?

  You know you don't have to use plan B with her at least.

• 18:05Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 18:06Sam Morril?

  That's a good thing.

• 18:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she's not bad, but now she's like, like, uh, she's trying to be an influencer.

• 18:10Sam Morril?

  Some guy threw his life apart for her. He like, he had, he was married and he cheated on his wife with her and then like tried to get his wife to take him back. And she was like, no, you fucking, you banged Casey Anthony.

• 18:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:21Sam Morril?

  Like, what are my friends gonna say?

• 18:23Mark Normand?

  And he's the insane one?

• 18:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 18:24Mark Normand?

  I don't know, the, the influencing is worse than the killing.

• 18:27Sam Morril?

  But this girl, I wanna do a joke, but this girl says, uh, she goes, I wanna kill you. And I was like, you know, I was bowling with her cause we're hooking up and I was like, yeah? And she go, I go, how you gonna kill me? And she goes, when you least suspect it with a knife, I'm gonna stab you a bunch of times. And I go, yeah, you little slut? And she goes, what did you say? I'm like, oh, I crossed the line?

• 18:45Mark Normand?

  Uh, that's funny. Yeah.

• 18:48Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, there's something there maybe, but yeah, no, it's, oh dude, yeah, we got into a fight on the street. We were both hammered. It was like 4 a.m. I end up at Down the Hatch, a beer pong bar.

• 18:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, I know it.

• 18:58Sam Morril?

  That's a good bar.

• 18:59Mark Normand?

  Great bar.

• 19:00Sam Morril?

  And I ended up just like, you know.

• 19:02Mark Normand?

  That's the one tucked away on Greenwich?

• 19:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:04Sam Morril?

  We ended up playing beer pong, I'm bombed.

• 19:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:07Sam Morril?

  We're like, you know, we didn't leave with all these people. We get into a fight in the street and, uh, and I was like, oh, it's 4 a.m. I'm too old for this shit, I'm leaving. And she was just like, she's like, screw you. And I was like, I was like, you suck. And some guy's like, he goes, oh, Sam Morril. And I go, this chick sucks. And he goes, well, fuck you, suck my dick. He says to her, I'm like, whoa, chill out, dude.

• 19:28Sam Morril?

  I started walking and he followed me, the guy.

• 19:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 19:31Sam Morril?

  So I'm just like in a conversation with him and he's like some 20 year old aspiring comic. And he's like, can I pick your brain? I'm like, and I'm like, I'm like, yeah, it's 4 a.m. and I'm shitfaced now, seems like the right time. So I'm like, yeah, sure. So we start walking for like five blocks and I'm bombed.

• 19:45Mark Normand?

  You know what, lady, good, stab me now.

• 19:49Mark Normand?

  Let's talk it out.

• 19:50Sam Morril?

  We were walking and he's like, can I, I got a flight and like, this has been so, I don't know what I said. I was so wasted. He's like, this has been so informative. Like, thank you. I'm like, by the way, this is like a meeting in our business.

• 20:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, right, right.

• 20:01Sam Morril?

  I'm like, this is, this is how stupid our lives are. And he's like, can I take a picture to like commemorate this like meeting or whatever? And I was just, I was just like, like fucking hammered. And, and then I talked to that girl the next day and she was like, we need to talk about what happened. You ever like, you ever blackout and you just like, don't know what happened? So you're just like, so I was just like, I was like, well, we need to, I'm trying to like, put together what happened because I don't remember. So I'm like, we need to talk about what you said. And she's like, what did I say? I was like, you tell me. You gotta tell me what you said. I don't know. I don't remember shit.

• 20:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah. So what'd you say? What, what was the fight about?

• 20:34Sam Morril?

  I don't know. I just, I couldn't pick, I couldn't put it together.

• 20:37Mark Normand?

  But it's so funny that the-

• 20:38Sam Morril?

  I think she wanted to stay out and I was hammered. I need to leave. I think it was like, it was like one of those things when you're hammered and you're like, don't want to keep. But I've been, it's also, women will fucking feed you shots. And then they're like, yeah, I'll do it. And then they don't do it. So I'm getting bombed and she was, you know.

• 20:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're doing shots too. That's tough.

• 20:54Sam Morril?

  I end up at all these fucking bars where like, you look around and you're like, I'm the only one with gray hairs here.

• 20:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:59Sam Morril?

  I'm too old to be here. But you're also like, fuck, yeah, there's not a lot of people our age at beer pong bars.

• 21:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I liked that the knife conversation, that wasn't the fight.

• 21:08Sam Morril?

  No.

• 21:08Mark Normand?

  The fight was about staying out.

• 21:09Sam Morril?

  No, I'm intrigued. It's funny. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about the movie Basic Instinct. And it's basically just like a cop who like, is turned on by the fact that this chick might murder him.

• 21:18Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 21:19Sam Morril?

  That's like, you get to a kinky place at a certain point where you're like, yeah, fuck it. Like, you know, why not?

• 21:23Mark Normand?

  Is there a more rewound scene in American history than this movie?

• 21:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but it's hard to jack off to because you keep seeing Newman's face. Every time you see her vagina, you're like, fucking Newman.

• 21:36Mark Normand?

  Woo, yeah, I had this, uh, VHS.

• 21:42Mark Normand?

  This put her on the map, baby.

• 21:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but then you have to deal with Wayne Knight's sweaty face.

• 21:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:47Sam Morril?

  But, you know, yeah, no, it was hot. She was so hot in this movie.

• 21:51Mark Normand?

  So hot.

• 21:52Sam Morril?

  I think Sharon Stone would be a cool. We don't have enough women on the pod. That'd be a cool podcast.

• 21:56Mark Normand?

  That's an all-timer.

• 21:57Sam Morril?

  She's got stories. Can we get Sharon Stone on? She follows Veder.

• 22:00Mark Normand?

  What?

• 22:01Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 22:01Mark Normand?

  Ah, of all people.

• 22:03Sam Morril?

  Sharon Stone's a Gary Veder fan.

• 22:05Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's amazing. I mean, she's great in, um, in Casino, too.

• 22:10Sam Morril?

  Oh, so good, dude.

• 22:11Mark Normand?

  When she blows Pesci.

• 22:12Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 22:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:14Sam Morril?

  Damn, she was sexy. Yeah, Newman really ruins this scene. Like, the director was like such an auteur. He's like, I ought to make sure people don't jack off to this scene, and they actually, like, take it in. It's Paul Verhoeven, right?

• 22:25Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 22:26Sam Morril?

  It's like a cool, like, misunderstood director.

• 22:29Mark Normand?

  Man, Newman had a run in the 90s. This, Jurassic Park, and Seinfeld.

• 22:34Sam Morril?

  He's great.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  JFK.

• 22:35Mark Normand?

  JFK.

• 22:36Sam Morril?

  He's a great actor.

• 22:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Wayne Knight, he's really good. Oh!

• 22:40Sam Morril?

  Do they, do they show it on YouTube? Wait, go back.

• 22:43Mark Normand?

  It's all pubes. You can't see, because the... Oh, I saw a lip! I saw a lip!

• 22:48Sam Morril?

  Damn, that is crazy. Can you imagine, like, can you imagine getting this script, and it's like, and then I show my pussy?

• 22:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:55Sam Morril?

  During an interrogation. By the way, look at the interrogation hall. It's like ridiculous looking.

• 22:59Mark Normand?

  I never noticed the lip that well. This is the best I've ever seen it. Holy shit.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  So apparently she said she didn't know that shot was gonna be in the movie.

• 23:08Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 23:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, get out of here.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  That's what she said. She claimed I didn't know.

• 23:12Sam Morril?

  And then what's her reaction when it's in it?

• 23:14Speaker 02

  I, she said she was shocked. I'll try and find the interview.

• 23:16Mark Normand?

  Now, was that a prosthetic clam, or is that the real...

• 23:19Speaker 02

  I would say it's real, because she said she didn't know.

• 23:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but she happened to be perfectly shaved. I don't know. Seems, uh...

• 23:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah, do they have, like, you do hair and makeup. Are they, like, trimming your pubes?

• 23:29Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Yeah, do they powder that puss?

• 23:34Mark Normand?

  Whoa, Newman.

• 23:36Sam Morril?

  You would roll the dice. If the chick's hot enough, you're like, eh, let her kill me. What the fuck?

• 23:40Mark Normand?

  Sure, with a nice pick, why not?

• 23:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's hot. And it's phallic, too, though.

• 23:44Mark Normand?

  Right. Well, Douglas, he was in all the hot sex movies.

• 23:50Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, remember Robert Schimmel's joke about, from, remember the movie Disclosure with Demi Moore?

• 23:55Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 23:56Sam Morril?

  He's a joke where she goes, uh, if, if you don't let me blow you, you're fired. He goes, right then, the UFO should start landing, you know?

• 24:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's in that, the one, Fatal Attraction.

• 24:07Sam Morril?

  Yes, he's in all the.

• 24:09Mark Normand?

  He's in all of them.

• 24:09Sam Morril?

  He's all, my, my dick makes bad decisions. That's the whole genre.

• 24:14Mark Normand?

  That's a good genre.

• 24:15Sam Morril?

  The Fatal Attraction is just like, don't, don't fuck crazy chicks. That's the moral of the story. Just don't. You can cheat on your wife, just fucking be smart about it.

• 24:26Mark Normand?

  My dick makes bad decisions was, that was like me in the twenties, or in my twenties, you know? That's all it was. Who, who had that great quote, like, your dick has taken you places, you would, you wouldn't go without a gun?

• 24:38Sam Morril?

  Oh, wow, I've never heard that.

• 24:40Mark Normand?

  It's so true. You know, like, I'll go down this dark alley, cause I think that girl's on the other side of it, whatever.

• 24:45Sam Morril?

  What also just leads to bits, like, I like, I feel like my best bit, my best stories in my act are like, from just like, following women. And follow, and in a, and just like a story.

• 24:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:56Sam Morril?

  Just like, you're like, well, let's see where this goes.

• 24:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, my dick led me to a homeless shelter once.

• 25:01Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 25:01Mark Normand?

  I had hooked up with a girl who's staying in a homeless shelter, years ago, yeah.

• 25:05Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 25:05Mark Normand?

  Again, four in the morning, shithoused. She was like, we can go back to my place, but I'm staying in a shelter. I was like, cab, shelter. Let's go, step on it.

• 25:15Sam Morril?

  Were there people around you?

• 25:16Mark Normand?

  Uh, we banged in her, uh, on like, on a cot, in a, in a shithole, and she had to sneak me in, it was crazy.

• 25:25Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 25:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was wild.

• 25:26Sam Morril?

  You have to like, prove you're homeless?

• 25:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she put like, a coat on me and makeup, cause I had to go in the women's section, which is, you hear like, women crying and screaming, yeah.

• 25:34Sam Morril?

  How was the smell?

• 25:35Mark Normand?

  It wasn't great, it wasn't great. The whole thing was kind of a bummer.

• 25:39Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 25:39Mark Normand?

  But I saw the homeless shelter like, a week ago, just randomly. It's on Atlantic.

• 25:43Sam Morril?

  You went back for seconds.

• 25:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah. It's on Atlantic and I think Bedford. It's this big armory. It's crazy, but yeah.

• 25:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah, imagine women listening to this story being like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Cause I've done it too. I remember like, I went to that girl's place where the guy just showed up. And I mean, but that was like a true story where like the guy just showed up and I was like, oh, this guy's gonna murder me. But you're like, and you know, it's a bad situation. You know, it doesn't sound right, but your dick is like, eh, it'll figure itself out. Your penis is so confident that it puts you at ease.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  But this is like 90, 95% of female hookups. Like a woman is like, I could die here at every single one of these.

• 26:24Sam Morril?

  That's fair.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I always remind them like, I could kill you.

• 26:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they love that. Women wanna be with a guy who could kill them, but won't.

• 26:35Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 26:36Mark Normand?

  You don't wanna, they don't wanna be with a guy who would, can't kill them.

• 26:38Sam Morril?

  Unless you're like a UFC, unless you're like a female UFC fighter, you could beat the shit out of the guy, but otherwise it's probably uneven.

• 26:45Mark Normand?

  That's true. Yeah. Female UFC fighter would kill all of us.

• 26:49Sam Morril?

  But I've hung out with UFC guys and I'm like, this guy could kill me if he wants.

• 26:52Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, good point. Good point.

• 26:54Sam Morril?

  I'll roll the dice.

• 26:55Mark Normand?

  They're actually the gentlest met on the planet, weirdly enough. Like they could kick some ass.

• 26:59Sam Morril?

  Well, not all of them. One of them, one of them beat the shit out of that girl.

• 27:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 27:02Sam Morril?

  Not all of them, but.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  And we wonder why we don't have more female guests.

• 27:07Sam Morril?

  We're hopeful.

• 27:08Mark Normand?

  Sharon Stowe, we won't beat your shit out of you. Come on in.

• 27:11Sam Morril?

  We love you. No, she's great, man.

• 27:13Mark Normand?

  She's great. Great, great, uh, great run of movies that lady.

• 27:16Sam Morril?

  We need more women.

• 27:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, call in.

• 27:19Sam Morril?

  We have, we have, it is a sausage fest of guests.

• 27:21Mark Normand?

  In our defense, we've tried to book Jessica Kirsten 17 times and.

• 27:25Sam Morril?

  Is she coming on? What happened with that?

• 27:27Mark Normand?

  Jesus Christ.

• 27:29Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ. She is harder to find than Amelia Earhart. Am I right? I'll tell you.

• 27:33Mark Normand?

  Both lesbians.

• 27:36Mark Normand?

  She had to be a lesbian, right? I don't know if that's confirmed.

• 27:38Sam Morril?

  That jacket. Yeah, come on.

• 27:41Mark Normand?

  Woo, Earhart.

• 27:45Sam Morril?

  But uh, yeah, we've tried a lot of women. Do women not like us?

• 27:49Mark Normand?

  No, we got Rosebud, we got Rachel, we got Miss Pat, we have recurring women.

• 27:54Sam Morril?

  I know, but I wish we had, I wish we had more. Just feel like we, we've tried.

• 27:58Mark Normand?

  Short hair. There it is. That's all I need.

• 28:03Mark Normand?

  What year is that?

• 28:05Sam Morril?

  Twenty?

• 28:05Mark Normand?

  I guess twenty-nine. Oh, wow. Boy, she's a revolutionary, but not doing a great thing for female drivers.

• 28:11Sam Morril?

  Nah.

• 28:11Mark Normand?

  You know, just.

• 28:13Sam Morril?

  It's like the early years of the WNBA. It's like, we're not there yet.

• 28:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

• 28:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 28:19Mark Normand?

  Woo.

• 28:21Mark Normand?

  You ever heard List bit about, uh, he's like, I had a female pilot the other day, which is fine. What bothered me is she had a ponytail coming out of the side of her head. And he's like, that worries me. I'm not worried about the female. I'm worried about you're too wacky to be with a plane. I can't remember the bit. I hope I'm not spoiling his act.

• 28:37Sam Morril?

  Greg Giraldo had a great one too, remember?

• 28:39Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 28:39Sam Morril?

  Where we heard, like, everyone in the flight heard a woman's voice and they're like, oh, fuck. Like, this is an expensive vehicle, Buttercup.

• 28:47Mark Normand?

  Buttercup is amazing.

• 28:48Sam Morril?

  Buttercup is fucking condescending.

• 28:50Mark Normand?

  I got some peeves, by the way, because I've been gone.

• 28:52Sam Morril?

  I love, I love a good peeve. Yeah, you've been fucking, I mean, you've been in Europe. I want to hear about it, dude.

• 28:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Europe is amazing, by the way. We had, we had a great time.

• 29:02Sam Morril?

  I'm going off your record for where I go, because I want to do another Euro trip in, uh, I mean, Iceland? Holy shit.

• 29:08Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 29:08Sam Morril?

  The pictures you're sending me were crazy.

• 29:10Mark Normand?

  That was number one. That was the first spot, and so it was hard to beat.

• 29:13Sam Morril?

  Why was it number one?

• 29:14Mark Normand?

  It's just, because we've all been to England, we've been to the UK, you know, Ireland. It's, it's not that different. It's drunks, it's fun people, it's, it's whatever, you know, bad food. But that's the Palladium, by the way, which is like their, their Carnegie Hall.

• 29:28Sam Morril?

  Gorgeous.

• 29:29Mark Normand?

  Unbelievable.

• 29:30Sam Morril?

  Wait, where is this?

• 29:31Mark Normand?

  The Palladium in London.

• 29:32Sam Morril?

  Yes, that's like, Lenny Bruce played there. Yeah, it's legendary.

• 29:36Mark Normand?

  Right in the heart of the city, too.

• 29:37Sam Morril?

  Beautiful.

• 29:37Mark Normand?

  That's in Birmingham. No one cares, but, uh, I don't know where that was.

• 29:40Sam Morril?

  Gorgeous.

• 29:42Mark Normand?

  I love those old bars, the Hatchet Wound. That's a good time.

• 29:48Mark Normand?

  But yeah, that's, that's in Iceland. So Iceland was first, it's, it's otherworldly. It, it's all volcanoes and glaciers. They call it the city of fire and ice, Reykjavik. And it's incredible. All the rocks are big and black and like, they got this crazy.

• 30:02Sam Morril?

  And hard and throbbing.

• 30:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Big vein, Snickers bar. But this, this is like one random, it's all Viking shit. And it, you can feel it in the air, and the people are big and blonde and man buns and the food is weird, reindeer and all this shit.

• 30:17Sam Morril?

  Have you eaten reindeer?

• 30:18Mark Normand?

  I ate reindeer, yeah. You gotta do it.

• 30:20Sam Morril?

  I had fucking whale in Norway. I was like, I'll try it once.

• 30:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, well, you're single now, so.

• 30:27Mark Normand?

  But yeah. So yeah, we just had a hoot and a holler, but, uh... You get pissy on the road because your creature comforts aren't there, you know? So like, first of all, they don't have drip coffee. There's no drip coffee anywhere outside of America.

• 30:42Sam Morril?

  So what do you order, a flat white?

• 30:43Mark Normand?

  You gotta get a flat white, or a Americano, which I hate.

• 30:48Sam Morril?

  I know, you do feel like an American piece of trash, because I have the same problem. I'm used to just like drip coffee with, you know, a splash of whole milk.

• 30:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but it's the best. You go to a diner, you get the lady with the pencil in her ear, report, they can't do that there.

• 31:02Sam Morril?

  They must look at that as just garbage.

• 31:04Mark Normand?

  I get it.

• 31:04Sam Morril?

  I think, yeah, but dude, I'm the same way. I'd be traveling, I'd go to every airport, you get a coffee and you're like, uh, flat white? Like, I don't even know what this shit is.

• 31:13Mark Normand?

  I'm drinking, it's all milk.

• 31:14Sam Morril?

  It's all milk.

• 31:15Mark Normand?

  It's all milky, then you gotta get an espresso if you want to just have the coffee, but then you're just drinking this fucking tiny dick.

• 31:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I like, I like what I like.

• 31:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and it behooves you to have multiple different, you know, it's an international city. Give me some drip.

• 31:30Sam Morril?

  We show up to Europe, we're like, I'd like a Dunkin' Donuts.

• 31:32Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 31:33Sam Morril?

  Would it kill you to have a Dunkin' Donuts?

• 31:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, I took a stand after a while, they're like, we have Americano, and I would walk out. I just couldn't do it anymore. I hate Americano.

• 31:41Sam Morril?

  I don't like Americano.

• 31:42Mark Normand?

  And it's named after us.

• 31:44Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 31:44Mark Normand?

  So if you're gonna name it after us, get the drip.

• 31:45Sam Morril?

  But it must be Italian, Americano.

• 31:47Speaker 02

  Well, do you know what it is?

• 31:48Sam Morril?

  What?

• 31:48Speaker 02

  Actually, I know the history of it, it's from World War II. Uh, when our soldiers went over there and they served us espressos.

• 31:54Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 31:54Speaker 02

  And we're like, where's the coffee? They're like, this is it. They're like, add water to it.

• 31:57Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 31:58Speaker 02

  And then they called it Americanos because we were American.

• 32:00Sam Morril?

  So, yeah, it is American, I guess.

• 32:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Well, they steal all our movies and music. Get the drip, just steal another thing.

• 32:07Sam Morril?

  I remember Richard Jenny used to have a joke how we Americanize all their stuff, about how they have the croissant, we go, eat your croissant with your fat piece of shit.

• 32:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's funny.

• 32:16Sam Morril?

  But dude, yeah, I do miss like, that's like the most basic shit I miss when I'm in Europe. Same with Australia, they don't do just drip.

• 32:24Mark Normand?

  They don't do drip, so get the drip.

• 32:26Sam Morril?

  That's an American thing.

• 32:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I bet it'll catch on if they bring it over there.

• 32:29Sam Morril?

  I love diner coffee, I love.

• 32:31Mark Normand?

  Me too.

• 32:31Sam Morril?

  I mean, that was one of my favorite things about the road is when you just show up at like a spot, you just get like five cups.

• 32:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 32:37Sam Morril?

  They just keep filling you up.

• 32:39Mark Normand?

  Keep filling you up, your whole day is.

• 32:40Sam Morril?

  You didn't even drink coffee when I met you.

• 32:41Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 32:42Sam Morril?

  That's, I was blown, Mark was like a guy who was like, I was like, a comedian who doesn't drink, our hours are so fucking wacky.

• 32:47Mark Normand?

  And it helps a hangover like a motherfucker.

• 32:50Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, I'll tell you what's helping that hangover is that fucking cold plunge, baby.

• 32:53Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 32:54Sam Morril?

  Not too bad.

• 32:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I gotta set that up.

• 32:56Sam Morril?

  That and that and some coffee, I'm fucking back, baby. Although I was, I was down for the count on Sunday. I was fucking out.

• 33:03Mark Normand?

  After the fight?

• 33:04Sam Morril?

  I was supposed to look at places with Stavi and I was like, buddy, I'm not, I can't move. And he was like, I get it.

• 33:10Mark Normand?

  He was like, I know. I've been there.

• 33:14Sam Morril?

  But I, you know, I was like, I'm, I can't, and I had to go to fucking Brooklyn to see family. And I was like, I was like, am I gonna puke in this cab ride to Brooklyn?

• 33:20Mark Normand?

  What's your move? Cause we're getting older.

• 33:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 33:23Mark Normand?

  You know, 40s now. When I'm dead hungover, I'm like, I'm praying to God, I'm on my knees. I'm like, please take this away from me. I need some, some help. So I do coffee, big meal, like big greasy meal.

• 33:39Sam Morril?

  What's your order?

• 33:39Mark Normand?

  A huge shit. I'll do like the classic, like the lumberjack. Give me eight eggs, a sausage, bacon, potato, pancake. Go nuts and eat coffees.

• 33:50Sam Morril?

  Chinese food's always good. Spicy. I like spicy when I'm hungover. Yeah, coffee, some fucking Chinese food.

• 33:58Mark Normand?

  A big dump really clears you out.

• 34:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 34:00Mark Normand?

  That helps.

• 34:01Sam Morril?

  I like all that. Yeah, that's, that's kind of the move at this point. You just kind of have to accept it. It's at where the point where it's like, yeah, that's, that's that.

• 34:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:08Sam Morril?

  It'll, and also it's like in you for a couple of days where you're just like, you're just like sad.

• 34:13Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 34:13Sam Morril?

  I'm just, it'll be like two days later. I'm like, why am I sad?

• 34:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the anxiety is brutal.

• 34:18Sam Morril?

  Flushing, dude, it's also, I'm, I can't drink with people that do shots anymore. I need, I know, I have a system. I know what I can drink. I know how to, how to pace myself. I also, I got trapped in a bar the other night because the rain just came down. I was like, I guess I'm drinking till this rain stops because I don't want to walk home in this shit. And I did.

• 34:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:39Sam Morril?

  And that was another fucking mistake.

• 34:41Mark Normand?

  Wow. That's hilarious. So why'd you, why'd you hit that woman? It was raining.

• 34:47Sam Morril?

  I was stuck.

• 34:49Sam Morril?

  So, so Reykjavik is incredible.

• 34:51Mark Normand?

  It's incredible. Me and Sean Murphy, first of all, the show is bananas. The crowds are incredible. No one goes there, I guess. And then.

• 34:57Sam Morril?

  How big is Reykjavik? Like, what's the population?

• 35:00Mark Normand?

  Say like 400K, something like that.

• 35:02Sam Morril?

  Alright.

• 35:02Mark Normand?

  It's like a village, you know? And, uh, we went to the sauna. This is called the Sky Lagoon. It's on top of a mountain. It's 15 minutes outside the city. It's one of those things you don't like, you're like, should we do this? I'm kinda lazy, and I'm so glad we did it. There's a bar behind me. There's a bar edged into the rock.

• 35:19Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 35:20Mark Normand?

  Where you can sit in the water. The water's very warm and the air is freezing.

• 35:23Sam Morril?

  I love that shit.

• 35:24Mark Normand?

  And you can sit, I drank a couple beers at the bar, nursed the hangover. Then you do a cold plunge. Then you do a sauna. Then you cover yourself in this milky salty shit that exfoliates you.

• 35:34Sam Morril?

  From the big black thing?

• 35:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly. And then you, uh, you get back in the sauna and you kinda like, uh, marinate in this stuff. And it goes into your skin and it's all, feels all good. Then you shower, then you go back in the sauna. It's incredible.

• 35:49Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 35:50Mark Normand?

  It was so cool.

• 35:51Sam Morril?

  What a day.

• 35:51Mark Normand?

  I highly recommend it.

• 35:52Sam Morril?

  I'm, I'm, I wanna do it.

• 35:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:54Sam Morril?

  And then what about, uh, where else did you hit?

• 35:57Mark Normand?

  So then we went to England, uh, Birmingham, Bristol. Bristol's where Banksy's from. So we went to all the old Banksy's on the, on the wall. Like, went back when he was like an open mic'er.

• 36:07Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's a great, what, what was that one back there? Was that Amsterdam?

• 36:10Mark Normand?

  No, that was London. Uh, that's Birmingham or Bristol, one of the. Bristol's cool, it's kinda like Madison, it's a college town, but it's very artsy.

• 36:17Sam Morril?

  Cool.

• 36:18Mark Normand?

  And, uh, Russell Howard is from there, Steve Merchant's from there, Banksy's from there, yeah. So it's like a very art town.

• 36:24Sam Morril?

  I've never been.

• 36:25Mark Normand?

  But Cardiff is in Wales. So we took a train from Birmingham to Cardiff. So you gotta, Wales is like its own thing. They're, they call themselves, they're like, we're not English, we're Welsh. Fuck you.

• 36:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 36:35Mark Normand?

  And it's kinda like Long Island where they're fatter, uglier, drunker, thicker accent. It was so fun. The women look like whores, they're covered in makeup, caked in makeup, crazy. Like Bozo the Clown. And the, the crowd was great, but you can't even understand these people. The accent is so thick. We show up, we took a train, it was like a three hour train ride. Yeah, I'm hungover, whatever. Hour one, hour two, hour two and a half, all these people come on the train. They're all shitfaced, all these women are like, "Ma, good day, mate, now scoot over, you f-" "Ma", you're like, "Jesus Christ, what's all this about?" There was a rugby game in town.

• 37:15Sam Morril?

  Oh, no.

• 37:16Mark Normand?

  So all the yokels from the, the outside towns were going into Cardiff. Look at that, that, that was a Saturday night. That was me and Stavros. No, I'm just kidding. But, uh.

• 37:26Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 37:27Mark Normand?

  We, we were there on a Friday. We show up, there's a rugby game going on. And, uh, the whole town was a buzz. Every fucking pub was full. It was like 11 a.m. It was crazy. And the show was killer and we walked, just walked around and people watching at night and got a, got a donor. You know donor?

• 37:42Sam Morril?

  Oh, kebab?

• 37:42Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 37:43Sam Morril?

  I love, I love a good kebab.

• 37:44Mark Normand?

  Love it, love it. That's big out there.

• 37:46Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, that's, that's the, the way of the Brits and I guess the Wales as well.

• 37:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. So then we, uh, we left there, went to London and London's just fucking great. I love London.

• 37:54Sam Morril?

  London's awesome.

• 37:56Mark Normand?

  Awesome. It feels like New York.

• 37:57Sam Morril?

  So how many places did you hit? Was that it?

• 38:00Mark Normand?

  Then I did Scotland, I did Glasgow.

• 38:02Sam Morril?

  How was that?

• 38:03Mark Normand?

  Killer. Glasgow's great, but again, they heckle you and it's, it's this guy who sounds like groundskeeper Willie. He's like.

• 38:08Sam Morril?

  I know. And you're like, what?

• 38:10Mark Normand?

  I don't know what you said.

• 38:12Sam Morril?

  That's what happened to me in Belfast. So I'm like, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, huh?

• 38:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, you did Belfast?

• 38:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 38:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, no, that's where I ended. That was great too.

• 38:18Sam Morril?

  You get the pizza?

• 38:20Mark Normand?

  I did.

• 38:21Sam Morril?

  That guy's great, right?

• 38:22Mark Normand?

  He sent one to the room.

• 38:23Sam Morril?

  It's great, right?

• 38:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, thank you, sir.

• 38:25Sam Morril?

  Flout.

• 38:25Mark Normand?

  Uh, great pie.

• 38:27Sam Morril?

  What did he make you in New Haven style or what?

• 38:29Mark Normand?

  Uh, Sicilian actually, which was a little much.

• 38:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 38:32Mark Normand?

  But I ate it before the show and after the show.

• 38:35Sam Morril?

  Dude, uh, yeah Belfast is cool and, uh. Yeah, but the heckling, like I can't understand a fucking word.

• 38:41Mark Normand?

  No, no, they're like, we just had Jeff Arcuri. He, uh, he couldn't do the crowd work because he couldn't understand anybody.

• 38:47Sam Morril?

  So you neutralize him?

• 38:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

• 38:50Sam Morril?

  Where are you from?

• 38:52Sam Morril?

  Ah, fuck.

• 38:54Mark Normand?

  And then you're like, can they understand me? I can't understand them. So how are they, so you're like, so I was at the mall. You're trying to really enunciate.

• 39:02Sam Morril?

  They're like, this guy, we don't hear a word he's saying. What the fuck is this? Yeah, no, I, uh, I gotta do another, I mean, you, you're smart. You hit a lot of places I didn't hit.

• 39:10Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:10Sam Morril?

  I was like, maybe I'd go back and do something like that. Cause I, I just love the change of scenery and I love mixing it up. So yeah, I'm thinking maybe end of some point, but we gotta fucking film this movie too. So we'll see. We'll see what happens.

• 39:23Mark Normand?

  Well, oh, that's right. Yeah. Good point. But.

• 39:25Sam Morril?

  We're, we're gonna have to end up cancel, either way, we're gonna, we're gonna have to end up canceling gigs. We'll reschedule them.

• 39:30Mark Normand?

  We can always go back. Yeah, we can. This movie's gotta get done.

• 39:33Sam Morril?

  Gotta make, we're gonna make it.

• 39:34Mark Normand?

  You know how Hollywood is or whatever, it doesn't, if you don't just do it, it'll just, oh, I have a meeting about the next time we shoot. Then another meeting, and then a Klan meeting, and it's too much.

• 39:44Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, it's like, you know, oh, we got Yum Kapos right around the corner, like, I think it's a few months away, and they're like, and after that, MLK? I'm like, that's like a year, that's about a year, you just said.

• 39:51Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 39:52Sam Morril?

  They take the longest, I swear to God, if there's, Memorial Day turns into three weeks with these people. I've never seen, if I, these people go on fucking, you know, five maternity leaves, they have two kids. It's fucking amazing, I, if you follow any of these people on Instagram, they're always in Turks and Caicos.

• 40:07Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 40:08Sam Morril?

  They're always on vacation, and we're just like, what, no wonder shit never gets done.

• 40:12Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 40:13Sam Morril?

  Cause all we do is work, and all these people do is fucking play.

• 40:15Mark Normand?

  They play, and then they're like, oh, we have to go down to scout, like, they'll make a meal out of like, we're scouting this location, and that means we're gonna be in Miami for four months. So like, wait, what? That's crazy, send a guy.

• 40:26Sam Morril?

  It's always a fun place to scout.

• 40:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, always.

• 40:28Sam Morril?

  They're never, they're never like, I gotta, I gotta pop into Gaza for this new movie. It's always fucking South Beach. Dude, you know, it's amazing, cause I have a thing I'm trying to develop, and it's like, they're like, I'm like, the meeting's three and a half weeks away? They're like, that's really good for them, and I'm like, that's good? Meanwhile, this thing I'm just making is so satisfying, because I'm just making it, and I don't have to wait in anyone except my friends, who are like,

• 40:49Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 40:50Sam Morril?

  You know, your friends will do you favors, they'll be like, whatever you need, I'll bend over backwards, like, you know, uh, so, the same way we do favors for friends, you know, you, you're, we're, with comics, we're so used to doing shit work for like, nothing.

• 41:04Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 41:05Sam Morril?

  That, if it's your friend, you're like, yeah, gladly, I don't give a shit.

• 41:07Mark Normand?

  Sure, I know, but they don't, they don't have that.

• 41:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, that's why it's crumbling, you know?

• 41:11Mark Normand?

  That's why it's crumbling, but it's amazing, any movie's been made, I, I see a movie now, I'm like, how did that get done?

• 41:16Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 41:17Mark Normand?

  But just think, it was probably four years in the making.

• 41:19Sam Morril?

  Oh, every story you hear is like, it took seven years to get done, I'm like, well, maybe that should be an indictment on the system, and not a, and not a positive story.

• 41:26Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 41:27Sam Morril?

  I remember at the comic strip, they used to have, uh, a thing, the comic strip comedy club, they used to have a thing like, Chris Rock, we used to make him, uh, wash dishes for stage time here, I'm like, maybe you shouldn't be bragging about that. Maybe you should have recognized that this guy had a lot of talent.

• 41:41Mark Normand?

  Right, well, it took Eddie Murphy to go put this guy on, so you're like, it proves your point, you need a friend, or a, another comedian.

• 41:47Sam Morril?

  Wash dishes or clean shit, whatever it was, I don't remember, but.

• 41:50Mark Normand?

  I know he had to move chairs.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  Sam, who give you a break?

• 41:52Sam Morril?

  A break? I don't think, I don't know of any one person.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  You don't remember someone being like?

• 41:57Mark Normand?

  Well, Jim Jefferies used you a little bit?

• 41:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, I mean, it was a bunch of people. I think, but that's my point, it's not one person.

• 42:02Mark Normand?

  It's not a break.

• 42:02Sam Morril?

  It's not like in the movies where they're like, kid, you got, I mean,

• 42:04Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 42:05Sam Morril?

  You know?

• 42:05Speaker 02

  That's rare. Weinstein moment, yeah.

• 42:06Sam Morril?

  Weinstein, yeah, he gave me a back rub. He ate my fucking asshole, dude.

• 42:10Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 42:11Sam Morril?

  I don't have a pussy, but he's, you know, he-

• 42:13Mark Normand?

  He sounds like a hell of a guy.

• 42:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, good dude, good dude. Well, you know Candace Owens' whole thing is that he's innocent. She's doing a whole-

• 42:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 42:20Sam Morril?

  She's doing a whole thing about he's, he's completely innocent, we're like, okay, I mean-

• 42:24Mark Normand?

  Well, she's got some Kanye in her, where she's like, "I'll, I'm not gonna wear a Klan hood, but I'll say the craziest thing, you know, and that'll be my, my move."

• 42:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:32Mark Normand?

  Because we're talking about it right now.

• 42:33Sam Morril?

  Exactly.

• 42:34Mark Normand?

  So it works.

• 42:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Weinstein, you heard it here, guys, Weinstein's innocent, and, uh-

• 42:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there you go.

• 42:39Sam Morril?

  What, uh-

• 42:40Mark Normand?

  All right, I got some peeves.

• 42:41Sam Morril?

  I wanna hear some peeves.

• 42:42Mark Normand?

  How about this?

• 42:43Sam Morril?

  If your idea of budgeting is crying into a poorly organized spreadsheet, let Rocket Money do the hard work for ya. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can keep growing your savings. This, I need this, dude, my, uh, the amount of shit I've signed up for in the past.

• 43:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, it adds up.

• 43:06Sam Morril?

  I even signed up for Grindr at one point, I got lonely. Rocket Money lets you see all your subscriptions in one place and helps you create a personalized budget to keep your spending on track. I mean, this is something we all need, let's be real, so get on this. You're gonna save so much money, I'm gonna get on this.

• 43:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:22Sam Morril?

  Rocket Money will even alert you if your bills increase and if there's any unusual spending activity, or if you're about to go over budget. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 900 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com/Drunk. That's rocketmoney.com/Drunk. Rocketmoney.com/Drunk.

• 43:53Mark Normand?

  Yee-haw! Hey, hey, We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by Cornbread. You think you've tried everything under the sun for peace of mind? Well, now it's time to try Cornbread's Hemp CBD Gummies. Cornbread's Hemp's CBD Gummies are made to help you feel better, whether it's stress or you're just needing a little relaxation. They only use the best part of the hemp plant, the flower, and the purest and most potent CBD. And just in time for summer, Cornbread's Hemp's THC Seltzers will keep you chill by the pool. Check out the 5mg THC Drinks in Raspberry Limeade, Peach Tea, Salted Watermelon flavors. Wow, these taste great, they feel good. I don't like to get too blasted,

• 44:38Mark Normand?

  so one of these will really put me over the edge, and I'm just cruisin', baby. Perfect for summer, take a load off, don't hate yourself on a hangover the next day. It's just a little THC and some CBD. Find your exact right experience with CBD oils, creams, balms, and even CBD oil for your pets, so Fido can just chill out for the night. Right now, We Might Be Drunk fans can save 30% on your first order. Whoa, just head to cornbreadhemp.com/drunks and use code DRUNKS at checkout. That's cornbreadhemp.com/drunks, code DRUNKS. Get on it. The guy, when you edit something online, you know, you go, "Oop, I spelled that wrong. Let me go back and edit it and fix the spelling."

• 45:23Mark Normand?

  Some guy goes, he has to comment, "Saw that. Oh, oh, oh, I saw the edit." And he'll write the old word that you misspelled, like the way you spelled it. You're like, "What are you getting out of this?"

• 45:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I used the wrong there. I didn't strangle a hooker.

• 45:37Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly.

• 45:39Sam Morril?

  What is this?

• 45:40Mark Normand?

  This is your day, you're like my 3rd grade teacher with a red line, like, "Ah, see me after class." No, I misspelled it. I caught it, and I respelled it. Get out of here.

• 45:48Sam Morril?

  It's the same type of person who writes "first."

• 45:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:52Sam Morril?

  This is, you need attention.

• 45:53Mark Normand?

  That at least is not like needling. He's just like, "I'm first." It's still sad, and the guy's a loser, but the spelling guy, you're like, "What are you doing?"

• 46:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's a weird one.

• 46:07Mark Normand?

  I think they feel like they're special, like, "I got you, I caught it."

• 46:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 46:11Mark Normand?

  Now, what I've been doing, and I probably shouldn't give away my secrets, but I've been putting fuck-ups on purpose.

• 46:17Sam Morril?

  For the engagement?

• 46:18Mark Normand?

  For the engagement.

• 46:19Sam Morril?

  Ooh.

• 46:20Mark Normand?

  I put a, I'm doing Portchester.

• 46:21Sam Morril?

  All your fans think you're a retard? This guy's dumb as shit.

• 46:25Mark Normand?

  They already thought that. But I've been putting, uh, I'm going to Portchester. And I was like, where's Portchester? And it's like, right above the Bronx. So I go, hey, I'm going upstate, everybody. And every single comment, you can pull this up on my Instagram. Every single comment is like, that's not upstate, you idiot. Hey, upstate, what are you, crazy? You went up 10 feet above the Bronx, you retard. And I'm like, great, keep them coming. I bet that show sells out.

• 46:48Sam Morril?

  Damn, that's a cool venue too, isn't it? What's it called again?

• 46:51Mark Normand?

  I don't know.

• 46:52Sam Morril?

  I played there once, it was cool.

• 46:53Mark Normand?

  The Upstate Theater.

• 46:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 46:55Mark Normand?

  No, I'm just kidding. But, uh, it's, it's an ad. It's an ad I made on Facebook, but every comment is literally like,

• 47:02Sam Morril?

  That's fucking smart though.

• 47:03Mark Normand?

  It's not upstate, it's not upstate, and it's working.

• 47:05Sam Morril?

  Goddamn.

• 47:05Mark Normand?

  No one cares about the ads. So how about this one?

• 47:07Sam Morril?

  More peeves, I like it.

• 47:09Mark Normand?

  How about the guy who can't accept a compliment? Cause he's doubling down on how I should be thanking him more? Well, I'll give you an example. You go, uh, hey, man, that was a really good layup you did. And he goes, yeah, it's me. Of course it was a great layup. I'm doing the layup. I'm the layup guy. And you're like, I'm just giving you a compliment. Now I'm like, I know, I know you're the layup guy. So like, you couldn't take the compliment. You had to like, triple down on it. So now I'm like, blowing you even more. I hate that guy. Just take the compliment or don't.

• 47:40Sam Morril?

  That's Gary with food. I'm like, this is a good meal. He's like, I'm the fucking meal guy. He does that.

• 47:44Mark Normand?

  Would you expect me to?

• 47:45Sam Morril?

  And not, not only that, I fucking pay for the fucking $500 meal. And everyone's like, Gary, thank you so much.

• 47:50Mark Normand?

  You're the meal guy.

• 47:50Sam Morril?

  Thank you so much for,

• 47:52Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly.

• 47:52Sam Morril?

  Thanks for picking this.

• 47:55Mark Normand?

  You did such a good job choosing. Yeah, of course I do. Who else would pick this meal? This is my thing. I'm like, I know, I'm just saying, it's a good, it's a good meal. Sorry, I brought it up.

• 48:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's like, their ego is so big. That they can't even accept the compliment.

• 48:08Mark Normand?

  He's almost mad at me for complimenting him, as if he's like, yeah, you didn't expect this?

• 48:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm the, I'm the best.

• 48:13Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes. I'm like, I got it, I got it. I'll never compliment you again. So that guy I hate.

• 48:18Sam Morril?

  That's a good peeve. These are good peeves.

• 48:19Mark Normand?

  All right, I got one more.

• 48:20Sam Morril?

  And they're specific. All right, I wonder if I have any?

• 48:22Mark Normand?

  Well, I've been gone in my head for so long. So you're just really, you know, taking in the world. But, uh, and this is an object. Enough. And see if you can find this.

• 48:33Sam Morril?

  Give me.

• 48:34Mark Normand?

  I'm putting an end to this. Let's put this to bed. The lamp where the flip switch is on the cord.

• 48:43Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 48:43Mark Normand?

  You know what I mean? Like, you got a lamp on this table, there's a cord going down to the wall, and you gotta follow the cord like a fucking

• 48:51Sam Morril?

  I love that, yeah.

• 48:53Mark Normand?

  magician with the strings or the rope.

• 48:55Sam Morril?

  That's a great peeve. No, I'll take it a step further. When there's like a weird, random light switch somewhere on the table?

• 49:02Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 49:02Sam Morril?

  That's like a little light that you can't find. I had to call the front desk and be like, "I'm sorry, but like, where? I can't turn the light." It's like right in my eye, and it's like a sharp light.

• 49:11Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 49:11Sam Morril?

  Like, what? Where is it? And she goes, "We get this call all the time." And I'm like, "Well, then maybe fix it."

• 49:16Mark Normand?

  Maybe change the switch, or...

• 49:18Sam Morril?

  Enough with this fucking... Well, she wasn't her decision.

• 49:22Mark Normand?

  Sorry, man.

• 49:22Sam Morril?

  I'm like, "You stupid bitch." She's like, "No, I'm on your side." I'm like, "Oh, sorry."

• 49:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  I also hate the lamp you have to touch to turn on and off.

• 49:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay, that takes a while to figure out.

• 49:30Speaker 02

  And you're like, "Did it do it?"

• 49:31Sam Morril?

  It's like the clit. Was that too much? Jesus Christ. What the hell's going on?

• 49:35Mark Normand?

  Exactly. Uh, at least the lamp I could see, but what with the cord?

• 49:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I really, honestly, I couldn't find either without calling for help.

• 49:44Mark Normand?

  But the cord thing, the cord tends to be behind the couch, behind the table, so I'm on, I'm doing a Kaepernick. I'm on one knee, and I'm like, I'm like a kid in a cave trying to find my way out with the rope. Fucking brutal.

• 49:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's like Goonies.

• 49:58Mark Normand?

  It's Goonies. Put it right here.

• 49:59Sam Morril?

  Dude, I got a, I got a peeve. And it's, it's, it's a positive, but then it turns into a peeve.

• 50:05Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 50:05Sam Morril?

  I love a woman who's never on the phone. It's such a positive thing.

• 50:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's hot.

• 50:08Sam Morril?

  She's never on the phone, she's never checking, but then here's the peeve. They never answer their texts.

• 50:13Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 50:13Sam Morril?

  Because they never check their phone.

• 50:15Mark Normand?

  You can't have it both ways.

• 50:16Sam Morril?

  So that's, that, I got another one.

• 50:18Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 50:19Sam Morril?

  So then here's, um, here's the other one. I, I mean, this is, you ever have someone just explaining again and again to you, like, how something's bad for the environment, and they do like a fifteen, they'll give me like a fifteen-minute spiel on like, we're on the tour bus, the vent, they're like, "You gotta close the vent when you're sleeping." You know that little vent that gives you air?

• 50:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 50:38Sam Morril?

  And, and you're like, "Oh, okay." They're like, "You gotta close that vent when you sleep. You don't want that in your face." I'm like, "Why?" And they give me like a ten-minute speech on pollution, how all the bad stuff in the road, and finally I was just like... Finally, I was like, yeah, I like, it's a cool breeze in my face. I like it.

• 50:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:51Sam Morril?

  I'm keeping it on.

• 50:52Mark Normand?

  Keep it on.

• 50:53Sam Morril?

  I kept, it was hot in there, so I got the pollution in my face for 11 days.

• 50:56Mark Normand?

  So it wasn't like, like a climate change thing. It was like, you're taking in bad.

• 51:01Sam Morril?

  It's unhealthy. It's probably robbing my skin, but you know what? It was a cool breeze. I liked it.

• 51:06Mark Normand?

  You need the breeze.

• 51:06Sam Morril?

  I like a cool breeze.

• 51:07Mark Normand?

  I'm with you. I'm with you. And hey, this is America. Let me put pollution up my ass if I want to.

• 51:12Sam Morril?

  I think the peeve is just people who worry too much.

• 51:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 51:16Sam Morril?

  Eventually, their boundaryless anxiety is pushed onto you, and I'm like, I don't care.

• 51:21Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 51:21Sam Morril?

  I don't give a fuck.

• 51:22Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 51:23Sam Morril?

  I'm already on a road diet, sleeping on a tour bus. I'm already unhealthy.

• 51:27Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 51:28Sam Morril?

  Things are already, like, who gives a fuck about some air?

• 51:31Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes. So maybe the poison I'm drinking every night is the worst problem.

• 51:35Sam Morril?

  Hey, poison we're selling.

• 51:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:37Sam Morril?

  For David Cat Whiskey, baby.

• 51:39Mark Normand?

  Good poison right there.

• 51:40Sam Morril?

  Everyone's saying that young people aren't drinking, but I gotta tell you, I'm walking around the city, the bars are packed.

• 51:44Mark Normand?

  Bars are full. I completely agree. You know, I think it's less like, I think it's less social.

• 51:50Sam Morril?

  Hmm.

• 51:51Mark Normand?

  You know, the kids can't get together because they can't make eye contact. I had a thought the other day, and tell me where you're at on this there, fatty.

• 51:58Mark Normand?

  Bands are gonna go away.

• 51:59Sam Morril?

  Really? Oh, because people aren't hanging.

• 52:01Mark Normand?

  People aren't hanging. You need to have six friends, two drop off, you get into a garage for nine hours, just ding ding, tic tac, hitting the drums and all that shit. That's going away because, hey, why would I, why would I practice in a garage when I can just look at TikTok?

• 52:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 52:14Mark Normand?

  And I gotta, you know, you have to, you have a dynamics of a personality where you guys don't gel, but you gotta make up again. That, that's all gonna go away. And technology's gonna come in. It's already in. You know, I get a bass board or an electric whatever, you know? I can make up all the sounds on my laptop. Why would I learn the guitar or the, or the drums?

• 52:34Sam Morril?

  Yes, and people just have a fucking AI keyboard type thing, and you're like, I'll fucking, I'll just sing and I'll use the AI.

• 52:40Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 52:40Sam Morril?

  But there's no drama, although now the drama, instead of like Slash and Axl having beef, it's like you and a fucking robot.

• 52:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:46Sam Morril?

  We couldn't make it work. He was too fucking stiff.

• 52:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right. My battery died. I couldn't find an outlet. Yeah, so that's, I think bands are gonna go away. That's my theory.

• 52:55Sam Morril?

  I think people still need entertainment and people still will, you know, I think people still will learn like, I think it's cool when a parent pushes an instrument on a kid, as long as they're not like a crazy, it's like discipline. It teaches you how to, like, so I think that's cool. So, and then maybe early on you realize that the kid is a prodigy. I think, I think people will still love music. I don't think bands will ever go away for real.

• 53:16Mark Normand?

  I think people love music, but I think convenience always wins. So I think people are gonna tend to go to the music, what do you call that thing? Those boxes they make, like Reggie Watts thing, you know, it just makes up, it's like a drum machine or whatever.

• 53:30Sam Morril?

  Right, right.

• 53:31Mark Normand?

  Or a laptop where they'll just make beats and they'll make, I'll just put a guitar in, you know, I'll put a guitar sound right here. I don't need to actually play the guitar or learn a guitar or be in a band with a guy with a guitar.

• 53:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you like learn, it's easier to learn software than an instrument.

• 53:45Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly.

• 53:47Sam Morril?

  I know what you mean.

• 53:48Mark Normand?

  I watched the Avicii doc, you see that?

• 53:50Sam Morril?

  What's that?

• 53:50Mark Normand?

  Woo, he's a DJ and I hate DJs. I hate techno, I hate all that shit. But the doc is fascinating. This guy, he's made songs that are huge and we all know them and I didn't know he made them.

• 54:03Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 54:03Mark Normand?

  So he's like a fucking legend, this guy, but he killed himself because he was depressed.

• 54:08Sam Morril?

  I feel like a lot of DJs kill themselves.

• 54:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:10Sam Morril?

  Or OD. I think it's these crazy hours.

• 54:12Mark Normand?

  Yep, yep, exactly.

• 54:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you're partying late. I mean, and also like, think about like, we have to kind of be connected. You can get fucked up as you're, as, I mean, you have to still be like,

• 54:22Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 54:22Sam Morril?

  But you can just get like, think of all the, all the uppers are probably on too to like, be doing that shit till 5 a.m. And then you can't just go to sleep.

• 54:30Mark Normand?

  No.

• 54:30Sam Morril?

  Like, think about how wired we are after a set.

• 54:33Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 54:33Sam Morril?

  If you get off work at 5 a.m., where are you going to bed at, like 10 a.m.?

• 54:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, also we hit the booze maybe. These guys doing molly, coke, meth, crank, ketamine, all this shit because it's the drug scene, it's the party scene, it's a rave, it's techno. But the guy's a genius.

• 54:49Sam Morril?

  Is it a wreck?

• 54:50Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, a wreck and that wasn't my wreck, but I'll wreck it. Just, just as an artist or a comedian, it was fun to watch this guy just spiral into hell.

• 54:58Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 54:59Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 55:03Speaker 02

  I got a peeve.

• 55:03Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  The, um, you never know guy.

• 55:08Mark Normand?

  Ah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:10Speaker 02

  You know what? You'll never get attacked by an old Asian lady on the street. You never know.

• 55:15Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's enough of that.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:17Mark Normand?

  I'm with you.

• 55:18Speaker 02

  So you just kill him in the hall of fame?

• 55:19Sam Morril?

  I hope you get attacked by an old Asian lady on the street on the way home.

• 55:25Mark Normand?

  You give her one can, you're fine. But, yeah, no, that is annoying. Because it just negates everything you just said.

• 55:33Sam Morril?

  You never know. Yeah, Gary Gulman had a great bit back in the day. Sometimes you know.

• 55:38Mark Normand?

  Right, right. What was that one? He goes, "Hey Gary, it adds up." He's like, "Actually, it only adds up if you add it up."

• 55:47Mark Normand?

  He is, he's some guy, he's got some cool-

• 55:48Sam Morril?

  Great jokes.

• 55:49Mark Normand?

  But my rec is the Nathan Fielder new rehearsal season.

• 55:52Sam Morril?

  It's amazing?

• 55:53Mark Normand?

  Hey, man, this guy is on another level. He's like, he makes me feel like a fraud as a comedic person. He's so unique and like weird and abstract. And I'm sure not everyone gets it, but if you get it, it is a beautiful thing.

• 56:10Sam Morril?

  Do you have to see season one to see season two?

• 56:11Mark Normand?

  No, not at all.

• 56:12Sam Morril?

  Alright, I'm gonna check it out.

• 56:12Speaker 02

  I feel like you have to watch Nathan for You first.

• 56:15Mark Normand?

  Maybe.

• 56:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I love that show.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  You love it already?

• 56:18Sam Morril?

  I love Nathan for You.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  Then you can jump right into this. But if I just said to someone who's never seen that, "Watch this," they'll be like, "I'm lost, this is too insane."

• 56:24Mark Normand?

  Sure, it's so out of pocket, this guy.

• 56:28Speaker 02

  It's excellent. You don't have to watch the first season, but you have to know who he is and what he does.

• 56:32Mark Normand?

  The things he can pull comedy from, it's really impressive. Like this guy, the fact that he's even famous is also crazy. Because he's so different. And I could see a pitch meeting going real south with this guy. You know, I pitch shit that's way more mainstream and be like, "That's horrible." But he's just, this guy's just such a brilliant comedy mind.

• 56:53Sam Morril?

  He's also so good at not breaking. Like, I would love to see the behind-the-scenes footage of him break. Because you know he breaks sometimes.

• 56:59Mark Normand?

  So true.

• 57:00Sam Morril?

  No, it's not, because occasionally, he's got to meet someone who's just so weird. But, yeah, the way he just stays... I mean, when he has the nail salon with the valet.

• 57:10Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 57:11Sam Morril?

  I mean, shit like that where you're just like, "Oh my god." Like, he just stays fucking... It's like when we would do morning TV and you're like, "Just don't fucking break." I think of guys like this or like guys like Sacha Baron Cohen back in the day, what he would do and...

• 57:25Mark Normand?

  But he's just so unique and like, you know, "Oh, I wrote another joke about ball sacks." And then this guy's doing this crazy, abstract- Original humor. All right, all right, but yeah, that's, that's my big rec. This season tops the sec- the first season, I think, by far.

• 57:43Sam Morril?

  No shit.

• 57:43Mark Normand?

  And they're both great, but I'm just saying, this one is like on another level.

• 57:48Mark Normand?

  So yeah, big rec, and the studio, I'm loving that show, too.

• 57:51Sam Morril?

  I gotta give it a watch.

• 57:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, man, my rec is, dude, we just watch a lot, I mean, it's obvious, but we've been watching a lot of just classics when we're on the bus late at night. And we've rewatched South Park bigger longer.

• 58:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:06Sam Morril?

  It's the best.

• 58:07Mark Normand?

  Can't beat it.

• 58:08Sam Morril?

  It's incredible. It holds up, whatever, 25 years later, so hard. They don't make enough good comedies anymore.

• 58:15Mark Normand?

  No.

• 58:15Sam Morril?

  Rewatch it, it's so good. If you haven't seen it, definitely watch it. Like, the fact that they just went balls to the wall to make it a musical.

• 58:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:22Sam Morril?

  And the fact that every song is hilarious and also good.

• 58:26Mark Normand?

  Yep. And it's, it's like a David Tell where it's dirty but smart.

• 58:30Sam Morril?

  I love it, yeah.

• 58:31Mark Normand?

  You know?

• 58:32Sam Morril?

  Oh, it'd kill me.

• 58:33Mark Normand?

  Team America, I would say the same thing, like.

• 58:35Sam Morril?

  Agreed.

• 58:35Mark Normand?

  They know what they're doing. Obviously, they have a sex scene between two puppets, but they're doing, they're heightening it and making it really long on purpose.

• 58:42Sam Morril?

  So good.

• 58:42Mark Normand?

  They're pros, those guys.

• 58:44Sam Morril?

  Pause it for a sec. I got another peeve, when people, it reminded me of another peeve, when people will like show a video of some actor who's like older now, who's been out of the spotlight, they're like, look how old he is.

• 58:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's how fucking time works.

• 58:56Mark Normand?

  I know, I hate that.

• 58:58Sam Morril?

  That's what the fucking, the New York Post will do that shit all the time.

• 59:00Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes. Or I saw in In Touch magazine, they're like, look how old Jack Nicholson is. You're like, yeah, he's 80.

• 59:07Sam Morril?

  He's 88 or something, he's fucking old.

• 59:09Mark Normand?

  Well, what are we, what are we doing here?

• 59:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 59:12Mark Normand?

  I love when they do the, they're aging gracefully, you're like, no, he looks like the Crypt Keeper. We all know that, but just let the man die.

• 59:18Sam Morril?

  He's awesome. He met his match. I mean, this is like, this is like the Nathan but from, you know, the convenience store side.

• 59:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 59:27Sam Morril?

  That's fucking crazy. It, almost, there's almost like a little Krista Stefano in that guy. He's like, I drink some pee, I drink some fucking pee.

• 59:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:34Sam Morril?

  It's great, it's good stuff.

• 59:35Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 59:37Sam Morril?

  God, drinking pee would be fucking bad.

• 59:39Mark Normand?

  You ever tasted it?

• 59:40Sam Morril?

  I must have.

• 59:42Mark Normand?

  I've tasted it. It is a weird sour tang that you, it's unmatched.

• 59:46Sam Morril?

  Sounds kinda good.

• 59:47Mark Normand?

  It's bad. It's bad.

• 59:49Speaker 02

  How did you drink pee?

• 59:50Mark Normand?

  Uh, well, we had no running water, no plumbing in our house when we moved in, so we'd have to pee in cups. And so one time I peed in a cup, I left it out, and I was like, what is this, apple juice? And I took a swig and I went, oh, I forgot I pissed in this cup five hours ago.

• 1:00:05Sam Morril?

  I did the same thing with cum. We ran out of yogurt, and I was like, what is that, fucking, what is that, ciggies? I just fucking chugged my own cum. It was fucking horrible.

• 1:00:13Mark Normand?

  Greek yogurt.

• 1:00:15Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, man, I, uh, that was, that was the gag back in the day. You fuck, you'd be like lemon lime Gatorade, remember?

• 1:00:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:23Sam Morril?

  I guess I'm gonna try to drink it.

• 1:00:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, pee is a weird tint to it. It's like an orangey, almost.

• 1:00:29Sam Morril?

  It's not good.

• 1:00:30Mark Normand?

  No, it's not good. You ever pee in the morning, you're like, damn, this piss is way too dark.

• 1:00:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what is that?

• 1:00:37Mark Normand?

  I think you gotta drink more water.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  Drinking enough water. Your piss should be clear.

• 1:00:41Sam Morril?

  Clear?

• 1:00:42Speaker 02

  Clear is what they say.

• 1:00:42Mark Normand?

  Clear?

• 1:00:43Speaker 02

  You drink enough water that it's clear.

• 1:00:45Mark Normand?

  Clear? Wow, okay.

• 1:00:46Sam Morril?

  No, it's not. My pee is not clear.

• 1:00:48Mark Normand?

  No, my pee is...

• 1:00:50Sam Morril?

  My pee is like Donald Trump's skin. It's fucking, it is no nutrients in there.

• 1:00:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:56Sam Morril?

  Dehydrated. Well, I drink too much coffee, too.

• 1:00:59Mark Normand?

  Coffee'll get, it's a diuretic.

• 1:01:01Sam Morril?

  But it's, uh, dude, I fucking, I drank so much since I've been back. I, I was on the road, and by the end of the run, I'm just like, you're just like, I'm tired, I'm just gonna do two shows. I just start pounding whiskey. I'm just like, fuck it, I'll just get drunk. And the shows end up, I, I make it through the shows, cause I'm like feeling, you just have to manage those, the highs, the lows, like, coffee before, booze during, then you crash. But then you come back and you're like, oh my god, I'm home. I gotta get fucking hammered.

• 1:01:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:27Sam Morril?

  You know, and there's always someone. That's the thing about our, our jobs. There's always someone out who's willing to drink with you.

• 1:01:32Mark Normand?

  Boy, you got that right. You ever, uh, where you, where you at on drinking on a plane?

• 1:01:37Sam Morril?

  I try not to, cause it's for work, but god, it's good.

• 1:01:40Mark Normand?

  It's so good. They bring it to you. It's a bar in the sky, basically.

• 1:01:43Sam Morril?

  And it tastes better. Like, you ever have a Bloody Mary on a flight? It's something about tomato juice in the air.

• 1:01:48Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:01:49Sam Morril?

  It's so good also. Dude, you're just like... I don't know, just get like a Jack and Coke on a flight.

• 1:01:55Mark Normand?

  Ah, yeah.

• 1:01:56Sam Morril?

  Something so damn, you feel so damn American.

• 1:01:57Mark Normand?

  You feel American. You feel like Draper.

• 1:02:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:00Mark Normand?

  It is nice. And if you could imagine, we can still smoke on there and slap the.

• 1:02:04Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna get a Seagram's and soda.

• 1:02:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:07Speaker 02

  Does it hit different? Cause I know like when I watch a movie, I'm emotional on a plane. Does it, I haven't ever drank on a plane. Does it hit different?

• 1:02:13Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, it does.

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  Do you cry?

• 1:02:15Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:16Mark Normand?

  Cry on the ground. But also, when you.

• 1:02:19Sam Morril?

  It just feels good.

• 1:02:20Mark Normand?

  When you land, you're in like this euphoric, boozy buzz. Where you land, you're like, whoa, I'm ready to get that Uber, you know? Like, it's not, it's not a chore. It's a chore later when you're at the hotel and you're like.

• 1:02:31Sam Morril?

  If I fly in to a gig at the night early, I, it's very hard not to have a couple on there.

• 1:02:36Mark Normand?

  It is.

• 1:02:36Sam Morril?

  But, I mean, I'll mix it up. Sometimes I'll just be like, fuck it, I'm gonna get like a random drink I know. I'll get like a vodka soda splash of cran. I'm like, let me fucking mix it up a little bit, you know?

• 1:02:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, why not? You're 10,000 feet.

• 1:02:47Sam Morril?

  Sometimes I'll get a fucking screwdriver. I'm like, what the hell? Why not?

• 1:02:50Mark Normand?

  I love a screwdriver.

• 1:02:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what the, sometimes you just mix it up.

• 1:02:52Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:02:54Sam Morril?

  Sometimes, cause you think about the shit you drank when you were a kid. And you're like, that's what you drank when you get like that shitty ass vodka.

• 1:02:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:00Sam Morril?

  And just mix it with OJ. You're like, oh, we're getting, oh my god. Fuck, did you ever make some sangria when you were young?

• 1:03:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, man. When I was, uh, first moved here, 2007, 2008, I was like 22, 23. I worked at the New York Film Academy. And the guy who was my, my, uh, what do you call it? My upper senior, he's like my.

• 1:03:20Sam Morril?

  Your supervisor?

• 1:03:21Mark Normand?

  Supervisor.

• 1:03:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:22Mark Normand?

  He was a big booze bag. So he would go, once I was there like a year and he felt comfortable with me, he was like, you wanna pop out for lunch? And get two beers each at Shades of Green. You know Shade of Green on, uh, what is that? 16th Street? Cause the New York, New York Film Academy was on Park Ave and whatever, 18th. So we'd go to Shades of Green, we'd chug two pints. And it was just the right amount where you're not stumbling at work, but you're like, ooh, man, I'm feeling good. And I'd be typing like, woo-hoo. Life's alright, you know? I was 23 years old. It was great.

• 1:03:54Sam Morril?

  Uh, but when you hit that right buzz, oh, that's, that is a good, cool bar.

• 1:03:58Mark Normand?

  That's the one.

• 1:03:58Sam Morril?

  When you get that right buzz and you're just like fucking. Then the problem is maintaining that.

• 1:04:03Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:04:04Sam Morril?

  That's the, I mean, that movie, Another Round, I think, I love that movie.

• 1:04:07Mark Normand?

  I gotta watch that.

• 1:04:07Sam Morril?

  You gotta finish it, it's so fucking good. One of my faves, but, uh, but yeah, maintaining that buzz, that's the issue. It's like, it's a fucking dance. I'm just being out, like, you know, I'm at the game, I'm like fucking, you know, having a few Scotch and sodas. I'm like fucking, you know, I'm like, oh, I'm feeling good, but then the Knicks start losing.

• 1:04:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:27Sam Morril?

  This, uh, not this game, this game, I didn't even drink at this game, I was flying high, I was on, that was the one night last week I didn't drink.

• 1:04:33Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:04:33Sam Morril?

  But I was at a game, the other game, and I'm just like pounding, then the Knicks start losing, I'm like, mm, start pouring a little heavy.

• 1:04:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:39Sam Morril?

  Then we come back, I'm like, who coming back? I start pouring a little heavier. The hell?

• 1:04:44Mark Normand?

  Any reason to pour.

• 1:04:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, any reason.

• 1:04:46Mark Normand?

  You can pour on a good, pour on a bad, that's the problem with booze, or the great thing about booze.

• 1:04:49Sam Morril?

  I love, yeah, something about a Scotch and soda, just easy to get fucking bombed on.

• 1:04:54Mark Normand?

  It goes down, Scotch and ginger too, is another one with that.

• 1:04:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, whiskey ginger, Santino.

• 1:04:59Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, that's right.

• 1:05:00Sam Morril?

  It's a whiskey ginger.

• 1:05:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, drinking is fun.

• 1:05:02Sam Morril?

  Drinking's great.

• 1:05:04Mark Normand?

  But I, don't you feel like you've mastered it as a, as an adult? Like, we've drank so much, we blacked out so much, I mean.

• 1:05:09Sam Morril?

  I did until over the weekend, every once in a while, I have a slip up, and I.

• 1:05:13Mark Normand?

  You need that every now and then.

• 1:05:14Sam Morril?

  It's when shots come into the equation.

• 1:05:16Mark Normand?

  That's bad.

• 1:05:17Sam Morril?

  When I'm just drinking regularly, I'm fine, but when people start pouring, it's always that one fucking push, like, come on, I'm gonna do it.

• 1:05:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:24Sam Morril?

  And I gotta just be smart enough to be like, well, I'm not.

• 1:05:26Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:05:27Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna sip, but once the one person's an idiot, and then of course, they disappear sometimes.

• 1:05:32Mark Normand?

  Yep, yep.

• 1:05:32Sam Morril?

  And then you're just like, well, what happened to them?

• 1:05:34Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:05:35Sam Morril?

  But I'm stuck feeling like shit now.

• 1:05:36Mark Normand?

  You know what else sucks about shots? Shots are always a problem, but when there's rules with it, like, if somebody will give me a shot, I'm like, woo, and he goes, you gotta wait for me. I'm like, oh, what are we dating? Come on, do the shot, or like, they do this shit. I'm like, oh, I didn't know we did the table tap move, it's too much.

• 1:05:52Sam Morril?

  I was in a bar and some guy walked up to me, I guess he, he likes our pod, and he just, it was like a young kid, he must've been like 24 or something. He takes a Guinness, he puts it here, and he goes, and just chugs it in front of me, and I'm just like this, I was like, God bless him.

• 1:06:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, have fun out there, kids, but, uh.

• 1:06:09Sam Morril?

  But dude, I.

• 1:06:09Mark Normand?

  I drink to drink.

• 1:06:10Sam Morril?

  I know, well, it's like, the, he's at, they're at the age where they can do that and bounce back, but dude.

• 1:06:15Mark Normand?

  It's like those guys who put ice in their mouth when they eat pussy. Pussy's fine, I don't need the ice.

• 1:06:24Mark Normand?

  Doesn't help anything.

• 1:06:25Sam Morril?

  So then, uh, yeah, I'm at the cellar, they're bringing us shots, they're like this big.

• 1:06:28Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:06:29Sam Morril?

  And I'm like, they think, they're like, we're hooking you guys up, and I'm like, you're killing me is what you're doing. You're going to kill me.

• 1:06:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, hook me up with a colostomy bag and IV tomorrow and, uh, and a handy.

• 1:06:39Sam Morril?

  Oof, and then, and then, not to mention the diarrhea.

• 1:06:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:42Sam Morril?

  People don't mention the diarrhea, but when you get to a certain age, it's like, eh, it's, eh, you get the runs.

• 1:06:47Mark Normand?

  It's true.

• 1:06:48Sam Morril?

  It's not good.

• 1:06:49Mark Normand?

  It's bad, it's real bad, and my, my shits the next day are like Flint mixed with, uh, ink mixed with the soft serve. It's a horrible combination.

• 1:07:01Sam Morril?

  It sounds kinda tasty at the end. Soft serve, I could go for some soft serve.

• 1:07:05Mark Normand?

  But it's like the blackest thing you've ever seen, and I've, you know, I've been to Atlanta.

• 1:07:09Sam Morril?

  Like a Spike Lee movie in the early 90s.

• 1:07:13Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:07:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:14Mark Normand?

  And it just, it sits in the toilet like, like pudding, it's not, there's no form to it, all right, we're getting too graphic.

• 1:07:21Sam Morril?

  It's bad, yeah. Why don't we have more female guests?

• 1:07:25Sam Morril?

  We need some women, Sharon Stone. I love, like, I love that we went from like, we can't get any women, to like, we should get Sharon Stone.

• 1:07:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a good point.

• 1:07:32Sam Morril?

  I love that that was our logical next step. We should get, we should get one of the, we should get one of the biggest actresses of all time on.

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  Jessica Pearson.

• 1:07:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we should get Nancy Pelosi in here, we've heard a lot about the insider trading.

• 1:07:44Sam Morril?

  We can't get any women, uh, hey, you know who I'd like to have on, Catherine Zeta-Jones, can we get her?

• 1:07:51Mark Normand?

  Can we get Madeleine Albright?

• 1:07:55Mark Normand?

  Is she alive?

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  I think she just died.

• 1:07:56Mark Normand?

  Ah, shit.

• 1:07:57Sam Morril?

  I think, I think just, just died, yeah.

• 1:07:59Mark Normand?

  R.I.P.

• 1:07:59Speaker 02

  Mark, you just got back from Europe, working on any new stuff out there?

• 1:08:03Mark Normand?

  Well, that's the problem, everybody goes, oh, you came to Europe, you must have all this gold, but, uh, I got one bit idea that I, I think I told you about on the phone, I tried it last night, it did okay. Maybe we could punch it up, cause it, it needs more, but I'm pretty gluten intolerant.

• 1:08:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:18Mark Normand?

  You know, and so. Certain shit you know has gluten in it. Bread, pizza, croissant, alright, it's obvious. But gluten is also sneaky. It's in beer, it's in soup, it's in all this other shit, we don't know it. And I go, it must be what an anti Semite feels like. Cause usually you can tell who's Jewish, but sometimes they fool ya. Now I'm at a dinner party, and I'm like, half an hour in, like, there's Jew in this? What the hell? You didn't tell me, your friend's like, whoa, what's your problem? You're like, I'm intolerant. I can't digest these people.

• 1:08:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's like being, it's like being an anti Semite.

• 1:08:49Mark Normand?

  Cause you never know.

• 1:08:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, where you're just like, you're like, you're a Jew?

• 1:08:53Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:08:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you're, uh...

• 1:08:57Mark Normand?

  Then the twist could be like, I'm complaining at this dinner party, and then I'm like, maybe I'm the Jew, or something like that.

• 1:09:02Sam Morril?

  Also could be like, it makes me, it makes my stomach hurt, you know, makes me, makes me sick.

• 1:09:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, uncomfortable, right. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but there's no, uh...

• 1:09:14Mark Normand?

  Maybe the Nazis, they were getting the nutrition facts, you know, that, that wasn't in the papers. They were like, let me see if there's Jew in this, like... The burst of it's kinda like the nutrition facts where it tells you what's in it. Or 23andMe maybe, is like the nutrition facts.

• 1:09:30Mark Normand?

  So...

• 1:09:30Sam Morril?

  But it's, I think there's something funny about having to feel it out.

• 1:09:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yes.

• 1:09:36Sam Morril?

  With the food, you just ask the person.

• 1:09:37Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:09:38Sam Morril?

  But with, with, with them, you're just like...

• 1:09:40Mark Normand?

  With a guy, you have to...

• 1:09:41Sam Morril?

  Really, what we, what we have to do is you have to say something messed up about Jews, and then they're like, hey, and you're like, I knew it!

• 1:09:47Mark Normand?

  Right, right, that's why I'm feeling bad.

• 1:09:49Sam Morril?

  Although I guess it not just any, it wouldn't just be a Jew would be bothered by, I don't know, I'm thinking of like an angle here.

• 1:09:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, but the first part's working, so I gotta just expand on it.

• 1:09:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I have a gluten joke.

• 1:09:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:10:00Sam Morril?

  About I hooked up with a girl who is gluten, I see, I hooked up with a girl who is gluten free, uh, and I go, it's fine, but it's never the only thing.

• 1:10:07Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:10:07Sam Morril?

  It's never like, I'm gluten free and I'm not annoying in any other way.

• 1:10:11Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:10:11Sam Morril?

  So it was like, I'm gluten free and here's other, eight other irritating attributes.

• 1:10:15Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:10:15Sam Morril?

  And I say, and she fucked like she was gluten free, I was going down there for like, you know, 10 minutes, and I was like, nothing, and she goes, not yet, and I was like, I feel like if you ate bread, you would've come by now, you know? It's doing, it's doing alright.

• 1:10:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:26Sam Morril?

  It's doing pretty well.

• 1:10:27Mark Normand?

  Is that why I'm not risen? Sorry. Um, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:33Sam Morril?

  What would be a gluten joke?

• 1:10:34Mark Normand?

  Also gluten, another thing is like people give it to you, like if you've got a heroin problem.

• 1:10:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:40Mark Normand?

  You don't go to a restaurant, they just put a basket of heroin on the table. You know, like you're always being tempted when you, when you're gluten intolerant.

• 1:10:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you go to any restaurant and it's the first thing that comes out.

• 1:10:49Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:10:49Sam Morril?

  But gluten's also not as addictive as heroin.

• 1:10:52Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course, but I think there's something to like, you don't know.

• 1:10:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:56Mark Normand?

  Like I ate a bowl of soup and you're like, oh, I'm like, oh, it's gluten in the soup, I had to Google it.

• 1:10:59Sam Morril?

  You don't know till later.

• 1:11:01Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:11:01Sam Morril?

  That might be, you don't know till later.

• 1:11:03Mark Normand?

  Maybe HPV?

• 1:11:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it could be like an STD, there's something there, like you, I found out after the fact.

• 1:11:09Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Yes, you find out on the toilet.

• 1:11:12Sam Morril?

  You fucking liar. Yeah, like, uh.

• 1:11:15Mark Normand?

  Going to the bathroom, like, uh huh.

• 1:11:16Sam Morril?

  What do you feel when you eat it?

• 1:11:18Mark Normand?

  You feel like crazy bloated, do you, like I eat one pancake and I'm like, this, my stomach feels this big and you just feel weighed down. And then you get the diarrhea.

• 1:11:27Sam Morril?

  So you can't eat pizza?

• 1:11:28Mark Normand?

  I still do it. I still do it. I push through.

• 1:11:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you ate pizza at my place the other night.

• 1:11:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I mean, I love pizza, I love pancakes, I love all that shit.

• 1:11:35Sam Morril?

  Maybe that's an angle too. I still do it, it's kind of funny, like I still do it and just deal with the consequences.

• 1:11:40Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Yeah, I'm not gay, but I still do it.

• 1:11:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:44Mark Normand?

  My ass is killing me.

• 1:11:45Sam Morril?

  Well, I like, well, if you're going the STD angle, it's like.

• 1:11:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm not gonna quit fucking, I'm not gonna quit fucking.

• 1:11:53Mark Normand?

  I'm gonna wear a condom.

• 1:11:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm not gonna wear a condom.

• 1:11:54Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Yeah, that's true. Well, we, we both know a guy who's got herpes and him and his wife make it work.

• 1:12:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:03Mark Normand?

  I'm sure.

• 1:12:04Sam Morril?

  I like, I liked you said we both know, like, like they're not gonna put it together in the comments. I wonder who that could be?

• 1:12:10Mark Normand?

  He's vocal about it. First, yeah. He's got herpes with a two Ps, you fucking asshole. All right, what do you got?

• 1:12:18Sam Morril?

  Um, I had a, what do I have? I mean, the, the crazy girl was the big one. I had one about, I was talking to a girl and she was kinda, I don't know where to go with this exactly, but like she was kinda crazy. And I was like, you know, you start a fight with me like every five minutes and she goes, well, if you start dating me, then I'll, then I'll stop. And I was like, is that how it works? Like?

• 1:12:36Mark Normand?

  That's already funny.

• 1:12:37Sam Morril?

  Like you go to a car dealership and the car just explodes and he's like, you gotta buy this now.

• 1:12:41Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:12:42Sam Morril?

  That's not it, but it's like, that's like the, I feel like the angle or something like that.

• 1:12:45Mark Normand?

  Totally the angle. That's a great angle.

• 1:12:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, something about that.

• 1:12:48Mark Normand?

  Like if I start dating you, it's gonna get better? What are you kidding? You're fighting with me now.

• 1:12:52Sam Morril?

  No, this is supposed to be the honeymoon phase.

• 1:12:54Mark Normand?

  Right, exactly.

• 1:12:54Sam Morril?

  This is the one that's supposed to be good.

• 1:12:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:56Sam Morril?

  It's like you shit your pants in a job interview and you're like, nothing?

• 1:13:00Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah. It's kinda like you break it, you bought it. You know, like, well, if it's, if it's already broken, I don't wanna buy it. I don't wanna own this thing.

• 1:13:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah, there's something there, for sure.

• 1:13:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:10Sam Morril?

  Man, crazy people are entertaining.

• 1:13:12Mark Normand?

  They really are. That's why we like Charlie Sheen and Pete Diddy. I mean, it's, it's fun.

• 1:13:17Sam Morril?

  I've always said I like Pete Diddy.

• 1:13:20Mark Normand?

  Well, we can't pin their eyes off of them. He looks like hell. You see him? He's aged like 50 years.

• 1:13:25Sam Morril?

  I know, he does not look good.

• 1:13:26Mark Normand?

  Somebody wrote on the, under that photo, they wrote, "That's what happens if you can't get to the baby oil."

• 1:13:30Sam Morril?

  Wow, that's funny.

• 1:13:31Mark Normand?

  I was like, god, we've all missed that one.

• 1:13:33Sam Morril?

  It's a good one.

• 1:13:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's, uh, he's not doing great. Look at that!

• 1:13:38Sam Morril?

  That's not real. That's not real.

• 1:13:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, I thought that was Uncle Ben. Ben's rice.

• 1:13:44Speaker 02

  There, that's the real one.

• 1:13:46Mark Normand?

  Wow, I mean, you can't go buy these.

• 1:13:47Sam Morril?

  It looks like Charles Oakley. That's crazy.

• 1:13:51Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:13:52Mark Normand?

  Damn, yeah. He's gonna fry, I think.

• 1:13:55Sam Morril?

  Man, not good.

• 1:13:57Mark Normand?

  Not good.

• 1:13:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, have you heard any of that testimony? It's pretty awful.

• 1:14:01Sam Morril?

  What is, what was it?

• 1:14:03Speaker 02

  It's just, I mean...

• 1:14:04Mark Normand?

  Beating up the girl, that whole thing?

• 1:14:06Speaker 02

  No, like Cassie, uh, Cassie?

• 1:14:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:09Speaker 02

  Cassie? She's like, um, he would, uh, he would have people there, it's a sex trafficking thing. He would have people there and they would finish on my chest. And he would be in the corner with a towel over his face. And then, uh, he would come over and then rub the cum on his chest.

• 1:14:26Mark Normand?

  Sharon Stone, anytime you wanna come on, we'd love to have you. It's an open door, open invite.

• 1:14:32Sam Morril?

  I mean, I feel like this is, this is a good time to plug some dates, sure.

• 1:14:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:35Sam Morril?

  What do you got, Mark?

• 1:14:36Mark Normand?

  Woo wee, I'm, uh...

• 1:14:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:14:40Sam Morril?

  Should we open it on air?

• 1:14:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, why not?

• 1:14:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, open it while you're plugging some stuff here.

• 1:14:44Mark Normand?

  This is June 1st, you guys. Portchester going upstate. Oh, sorry. Rochester, New York, coming to the Kodak Center. I haven't been to Rochester in years. Portchester, upstate Albany at the Egg. I love that egg.

• 1:14:57Sam Morril?

  Oh, I love that one.

• 1:14:58Mark Normand?

  What a great room. That one's, I think it's already almost sold out. And then Burlington, Vermont. I haven't been to Burlington since the comedy club days back in, who knows when? Wausau, Wisconsin, Green Bay, Wisconsin, Eugene, Oregon, San Jose.

• 1:15:11Sam Morril?

  Oh, this is nice. A little Chopin vodka.

• 1:15:14Mark Normand?

  Wow, is that from JMo?

• 1:15:18Mark Normand?

  Hyannis, Connecticut.

• 1:15:22Mark Normand?

  Ben Salem, PA? Then Australia. Wow, Auckland, Melbourne, Sydney, Sydney, Brisbane.

• 1:15:27Sam Morril?

  You're going hard, buddy.

• 1:15:28Mark Normand?

  Ahead of the show in Sydney, yeah. Come on by. Then we're going to do the Hamptons one night. Calgary with Adam Ray.

• 1:15:34Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 1:15:35Mark Normand?

  Las Vegas. Might see, might go down to Skankfest in NOLA, Dallas. Lot of show. We got nine shows in Dallas. Holy shit.

• 1:15:43Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:15:44Mark Normand?

  Well, I'm gonna shoot an hour in October, so I'm like really prepping.

• 1:15:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I get that.

• 1:15:49Mark Normand?

  Akron, Dayton, Halifax.

• 1:15:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah, man, I love it.

• 1:15:52Mark Normand?

  And we added San Diego and DC is coming.

• 1:15:55Sam Morril?

  I just did San Diego. I loved it.

• 1:15:56Mark Normand?

  Great place.

• 1:15:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I got Red Bank, New Jersey, July 12th. I got Boston, Massachusetts at the Wilbur, August 7th. Irvine, California, the Improv, the 22nd through the 24th. We got Oklahoma City the following weekend, the 26th through the 28th. Is it, wait, what is it? 28th through the 30th? Yeah, that makes more sense. That's better.

• 1:16:17Sam Morril?

  We got Vegas at the Venetian, September 19th. Can't wait for that. Rochester, New York Comedy at the Carlson, the 24th through the 25th through the 27th. You're going too quick for me, buddy. October 4th, the Chicago Theater. That's gonna be a great one. Then the next night, I got Winnipeg, Canada at a casino. And then we got Salt Lake City. I just went there for a couple. Going back to Morgue. We had a great time, November 14th through 16th. And, uh, wait, is that right? Yeah, I can't read. Oh, December 4th, Carnegie Hall, baby. Start spreading the news. Uh, love you guys. Uh, practiced being a retard for a long time. And we got Bodega Cat Whiskey's making, fucking, making some news. I mean, we're crushing it right now. Comedy Store, shout out, thank you.

• 1:17:01Sam Morril?

  The Sunset Boulevard, the Comedy Store.

• 1:17:03Mark Normand?

  Yes, on the menu, baby.

• 1:17:04Sam Morril?

  On the menu, and we love you guys for it. Thank you, Comedy Store. Uh, I still can't get a spot there, but it's nice to know. No, it's nice to know. I appreciate it.

• 1:17:13Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:17:14Sam Morril?

  And, uh...

• 1:17:15Mark Normand?

  We're a bunch of clubs, too.

• 1:17:16Sam Morril?

  We're in a bunch of clubs. We're working on it, yeah.

• 1:17:18Mark Normand?

  Improv, yeah, so it's all cooking. Tampa SideSplitters.

• 1:17:21Sam Morril?

  Love it.

• 1:17:22Mark Normand?

  You name it.

• 1:17:23Sam Morril?

  We'll see you guys on the road. We love you.

• 1:17:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry. I didn't see this. What is this? A hat?

• 1:17:29Speaker 03

  It's apparently signed by Norm MacDonald.

• 1:17:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God. To Brandon, OJ Simpson, Norm MacDonald. Wow. We'll hang this up on the wall, huh?

• 1:17:40Sam Morril?

  That's fun.

• 1:17:41Mark Normand?

  That's cool. Thanks. Poker hat.

• 1:17:44Sam Morril?

  Keep, uh, keep listening, guys. We love you, and we'll see you next week.

• 1:17:48Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah. Comedy.

• 1:19:07Speaker 04

  ...