Chloe Radcliffe Joins The Show! | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger — a Wave series. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian and actor Chloe Radcliffe for a sharp, funny conversation about stand-up, finding your voice, and what happens when your real personality becomes the act. They talk writing jokes that actually connect, the ups and downs of performing, and Chloe’s role in the upcoming Bradley Cooper film Is This Thing On? — plus comedy insecurities, confidence, and learning how to trust your instincts on stage. 🌐 Chloe Radcliffe tour dates & info: https://www.chloeradcliffe.com📱 Follow Chloe: @chloebadcliffe In this episode:• Balancing stand-up and acting• The making of Is This Thing On?• Santino and Chloe talk bombing, confidence, and finding your rhythm• Why honesty still works best in comedy Drop a comment with your favorite moment from the episode. #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #ChloeRadcliffe #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #PodcastClips #Comedians Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola, for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  When you shop Kroger Delivery, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door. From delicious produce to everyday essentials, enjoy the convenience of delivery and the trusted selection you've come to know from Kroger. Because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. Right now, enjoy free delivery on orders of $50 or more with your digital coupon. Restrictions apply, see site for details. Kroger, fresh for everyone.

• 1:00Andrew Santino?

  What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger A Wave Series. Hey, out there. I'm running around a little bit. The Bad Friends, by the way, are gonna be in Sacramento, California, March 14th. It's actually Lincoln, but it's right next door to Sacramento. One and the same. Then, at the end of March, come see me at the Win Casino in Las Vegas. Viva Las Vegas. Come out and see me at the Win Casino, March 21st. Then I'm at the Little Roadie Fest out there in Providence, Rhode Island, end of March. I do the Borgata, that's the make-up date, at Atlantic City, the Borgata Atlantic City, April 3rd. And then, the Bad Friends do what's likely to be our final show of the year, together at the YouTube Theater here in Los Angeles, California, for the Netflix is a Joke Fest. All those tickets are available at andrewsantino.com.

• 1:43Andrew Santino?

  Once again, that's andrewsantino.com.

• 1:46Speaker 03

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:51Speaker 04

  Who's that creature in the ginger beard?

• 1:54Speaker 05

  Sturdy ginger.

• 1:55Speaker 04

  Like peppers, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:58Speaker 05

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse. Ginger's a- This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

• 2:10Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Junior. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I meet him once again today. It is Khloe, the movie star, Radcliffe.

• 2:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 2:19Andrew Santino?

  A movie star.

• 2:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, that was on my birth certificate, actually.

• 2:21Andrew Santino?

  Bonafide movie star.

• 2:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 2:23Andrew Santino?

  How do you feel about that?

• 2:24Speaker 06

  Weird, really strange, really strange.

• 2:27Andrew Santino?

  Handpicked out of the Comedy Cellar by Bradley Cooper himself. The coop went down and he goes, "I know exactly who I'm picking." Jordan Jensen and you.

• 2:37Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:38Andrew Santino?

  It's pretty cool.

• 2:38Speaker 06

  Just the two of us and then a bunch of others that are great.

• 2:40Andrew Santino?

  It's kind of just you guys.

• 2:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, we are, we're the ladies, we're the girls.

• 2:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're the girls in the movie.

• 2:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:46Andrew Santino?

  That's great. Did you love the movie?

• 2:47Speaker 06

  Yeah. Oh, it's, I, we saw it the day before it premiered at the New York Film Festival and I went into that so nervous, you know? I've not seen a cut. I don't know if I'm in the movie.

• 3:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you think you might have been sliced out?

• 3:01Speaker 06

  Not really, but like, you don't know, I don't know. I've heard all sorts of shit, you know?

• 3:06Andrew Santino?

  Hollywood is weird. Disaster artist. Yeah, that's right. I got cut out of that completely. Thank you, McCon.

• 3:11Speaker 06

  So you know how it feels.

• 3:12Andrew Santino?

  I've been cut out my whole career, dude. That's why I quit, I quit, I quit the biz. I'm out.

• 3:17Speaker 06

  And are you for real?

• 3:19Andrew Santino?

  I think so. Do we think so? No? Why? I'm out. No, I don't, I don't know. I could, yeah, no, I am out.

• 3:26Speaker 06

  Because you're just sick of the feeling of going, "Please, somebody else put me in."

• 3:31Andrew Santino?

  No, Hollywood, I've been doing it for 20 years. Hollywood stinks. Everyone in it's a phony stinker. I just got over it. I just got over it.

• 3:40Speaker 06

  I'm just early enough that I'm like, "Come on, let me take advantage of those phony stinkers."

• 3:44Andrew Santino?

  Come over here, phony stinkers.

• 3:45Speaker 06

  Let me get my little claws into them.

• 3:47Andrew Santino?

  No, no, it's okay. It's, it was, it's fun and if you get in something that's, that is meaningful to you, that's when it's a home run. Like you got to do something in your world.

• 3:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:57Andrew Santino?

  That's perfect.

• 3:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, it was amazing. I mean, to like, to already know. The area that we're, you know, we, we shot at the cellar and like to already know the world. Uh, all, we shot in McDougal. Uh, we didn't shoot in Village Underground, but McDougal, Fat Black.

• 4:15Andrew Santino?

  McDougal's the best. I mean, that's my favorite. I mean, they're all great, but I mean, there's something about that room that just makes me feel like, uh, I'm in a time machine every time I go there.

• 4:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 4:24Andrew Santino?

  You know?

• 4:25Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 4:25Andrew Santino?

  And you can see someone watching you through the hallway.

• 4:28Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 4:28Andrew Santino?

  I like that.

• 4:29Speaker 06

  It's exactly what a movie about stand-up, you, being in that room, you're like, this is what people move to New York thinking that stand-up is.

• 4:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 06

  This is what the movie that plays in our head of what our dream is going to be, looks like.

• 4:43Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 4:43Speaker 06

  And so now there's a movie that looks like what the dream movie.

• 4:47Andrew Santino?

  Like your dream.

• 4:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 4:48Andrew Santino?

  A Min- a little Minnesota girl.

• 4:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 4:50Andrew Santino?

  Just a tiny little sweet Minnesota girl.

• 4:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 4:52Andrew Santino?

  And she said, "Mom, Dad, I'm moving to the city. I'm gonna be a stand-up comedian." And you moved to the city.

• 4:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:00Andrew Santino?

  And all your dreams came true.

• 5:02Speaker 06

  There, there-

• 5:02Andrew Santino?

  What's left? You're done. Check out.

• 5:06Speaker 06

  God, everybody in my life, my, my boyfriend and my best friends who have to listen to me be like, "I'm a failure. I'm a big fat fucking failure. Nothing's ever gonna happen for me again and what has happened has not been enough for me and I ha- I, and nobody knows who I am and everything is falling apart." Would love to listen to you say.

• 5:21Andrew Santino?

  Well, they're, listen to them. Time to listen to this. You're done. Cash out, baby.

• 5:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:24Andrew Santino?

  Your boy- your boyfriend, uh, is in the business too, or no?

• 5:27Speaker 06

  He's a stand-up, a very funny stand-up, but, uh, e- even beyond that, he owns a production company and he is a director of live, uh, specials and like, live shows that then are taped, whether it's stand-up or other, other versions of live shows, but he's shot over a hundred stand-up specials. He's done six for Netflix. He just directed and produced James A. Casters on HBO that came out last year.

• 5:48Andrew Santino?

  Love that guy.

• 5:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 5:49Speaker 06

  Um, I, I think that I happen to be dating the best stand-up special director in the world working right now. So it's like really nice to be fucking the mechanic who's fixing my car, you know?

• 6:02Andrew Santino?

  Cause the car will keep breaking.

• 6:04Speaker 06

  The car is gonna keep breaking and I'm gonna keep needing that mechanic.

• 6:06Andrew Santino?

  This is like, uh, Paul Thomas Anderson and, um, Maya Rudolph. This is your, you are the next, do you know that? Do you know that they're married?

• 6:14Speaker 06

  I know that they're married.

• 6:15Andrew Santino?

  They have been, or I don't know if married, whatever the word is.

• 6:17Speaker 06

  Or partnered, yeah.

• 6:18Andrew Santino?

  Partners is the cool thing?

• 6:19Speaker 06

  That's cool. Look at you, connecting with Gen Z.

• 6:21Andrew Santino?

  Oh dude, really working on it. I see kids under thirty at a restaurant. We went out the other night and everyone there was under thirty. And I was like, "We should leave." I don't need to eat at these places anymore. I don't belong in these places.

• 6:34Speaker 06

  Yeah. I, um, oh, I know. Somehow I wound up in a conversation with me, a man in his 50s, and two girls who are certainly under 25. I don't know what their exact ages are.

• 6:48Andrew Santino?

  He was dating one of these women?

• 6:48Speaker 06

  No. One of them was his assistant and the other.

• 6:51Andrew Santino?

  So he was dating that one?

• 6:54Speaker 06

  I love this guy. I'm not gonna say who it was. I think he, I think everything's about bored, but, ooh, boy.

• 6:59Andrew Santino?

  Sure, whatever.

• 7:00Speaker 06

  But what's funny is I listened to them. God, I hope that they don't hear me say this, because they will know exactly who it is. I listened to them talk. And you know how, there's the whole trope of like, someone in their 30s or 40s dating somebody in their like, you know, 19, 20, 21, like, what do you have to talk about?

• 7:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 7:17Speaker 06

  And I realized, first of all, I think the answer in that case is only one of them is ever doing all the talking. Like, the grown person is listening to the young person talk and being like, I guess this makes me feel young, or I don't have to care about what you're saying and I just get to fuck your tits, sure. Or the young person is like, tell me everything you know about the world, and that, like, that's very, that's very exciting.

• 7:39Andrew Santino?

  That's like a professor, though. That's like when, if you're fucking your professor.

• 7:42Speaker 06

  Oh, it's a fuck dynamic, yeah, yeah. But this, these girls were just having conversations that I had, that I have had in my early 20s. Like, they were saying like, it's so nice to be a lightweight, because then I'm a really cheap date. Like, I don't have to, I only have to buy one glass of wine and I'm already drunk. And it's like, yeah, I don't, I've had these thoughts before.

• 8:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you did. You ran through those same, you went through the same thing.

• 8:05Speaker 06

  Totally, totally. I've had this exact experience. I've thought that was cool. I thought that was original.

• 8:10Andrew Santino?

  It is cool.

• 8:10Speaker 06

  I thought that was like spicy and interesting. Made me not like other girls. And then it's like, ah, no, I'm like other girls, you're like other girls, we're all the same.

• 8:19Andrew Santino?

  We're all the same.

• 8:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:20Andrew Santino?

  I think the older you get, the more you're like, well, we're all the same.

• 8:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:22Andrew Santino?

  No, I mean, how old are you now? Are you allowed to say?

• 8:25Speaker 06

  You expect me to say 35.

• 8:26Andrew Santino?

  Thirty, are you really?

• 8:27Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:28Andrew Santino?

  Oh, my God.

• 8:29Speaker 06

  Is that?

• 8:30Andrew Santino?

  I thought you were, for some reason, I thought you were younger than that.

• 8:32Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 8:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 8:33Speaker 06

  I'm very young, Hollywood. I'm so little. I'm a teenager, but I'm legal.

• 8:39Andrew Santino?

  Her feet aren't even touching the ground in this chair, Hollywood. She's so tiny of a person. She's so compact.

• 8:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, you can cast me as a high schooler if you want.

• 8:47Andrew Santino?

  Okay, dude, slow down, will you? Well, no, here's why you're staying so young. Um.

• 8:53Speaker 06

  Cause I'm listening to all these 23 year olds and I'm copying what they're saying.

• 8:57Andrew Santino?

  No, you're biking through New York.

• 8:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:59Andrew Santino?

  You you sweetly invited me on your show. I wanted to do it. You do tandem bike rides through New York and I wanted to do it, but I also, I was like, oh, I would love to do that. Then there was a piece of me that's like, that's how I die, biking with you in New York.

• 9:13Speaker 06

  Totally, but I mean, wouldn't the sweet relief of death be a welcome friend?

• 9:18Andrew Santino?

  I just don't want to do it on a bike in New York.

• 9:20Speaker 06

  With me?

• 9:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, with you, no offense, I mean, fuck.

• 9:23Speaker 06

  Where you have no control. You don't have brakes, you don't have gears.

• 9:26Andrew Santino?

  No, that's scary.

• 9:26Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:27Andrew Santino?

  I mean, how much do I trust you? You do bike enough on the internet that I see. You must be doing this daily.

• 9:32Speaker 06

  To- oh, totally. I I average an hour and a half on my bike a day.

• 9:36Andrew Santino?

  Every day?

• 9:37Speaker 06

  That when when I'm in, when I'm home, yes.

• 9:39Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 9:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:40Andrew Santino?

  Oh, this is, is this because of growing up that way or preferred mode of transpo?

• 9:46Speaker 06

  Preferred mode of transpo.

• 9:47Andrew Santino?

  Got it.

• 9:48Speaker 06

  I just fucking love it. It keeps my head screwed on straight.

• 9:51Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't scare you at all in New York?

• 9:53Speaker 06

  I I it's the rush.

• 9:56Andrew Santino?

  Of almost dying?

• 9:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because it's the the way people drive is absurd.

• 10:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, but you know what's funny? I, uh, people who drive in New York, for the most part, their number one goal is to not kill a biker and my number one goal is to not get killed by a car or a garbage truck or whatever. So we actually have a lot in common.

• 10:15Andrew Santino?

  You meet in the middle.

• 10:16Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:16Andrew Santino?

  Opposite here in Southern California. I am actively trying to hit people on bikes. I don't like them. Get out of the way.

• 10:22Speaker 06

  And they're competition.

• 10:23Andrew Santino?

  Well, and I saw a guy laying down on a lay flat bike. You know that guy? Let me say something to that guy. I see him. He's in my neighborhood. Fuck you. I don't like this guy. He's so low you can't see him, dude. You cannot see them a lot of times.

• 10:35Speaker 06

  Is he in the street?

• 10:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, he rides right in the middle of the fucking road.

• 10:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's.

• 10:38Andrew Santino?

  And I've almost hit him multiple times and he's got like a bright orange jump thing on and he's got the the tourly thing that, you know, there is an age. There's a tourly thing you put on the back of the bike and it spins so people can see it. It's a reflector. You know what I'm talking about. He's got the whole get up and everything.

• 10:52Speaker 06

  How old is he?

• 10:53Andrew Santino?

  You know, no one knows.

• 10:55Speaker 06

  And that, that's how I stay so young.

• 10:57Andrew Santino?

  I know, that's my, this is a circle back. It's you, you're gonna be laying down on a bike one day. Doing the lay flat.

• 11:03Speaker 06

  And the thing is, I love yelling at people while I'm riding. It's like such a great way to get out aggression.

• 11:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:08Speaker 06

  It's a, it's a time that I can just, I can scream fuck you. And nobody is gonna do anything about it.

• 11:16Andrew Santino?

  You're hard to shoot when you're riding away.

• 11:17Speaker 06

  I'm gone.

• 11:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're already gone.

• 11:19Speaker 06

  I get to, like, I get to get the little, you know, the, the evil out of me.

• 11:23Andrew Santino?

  Fuck you!

• 11:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:24Andrew Santino?

  I like, that, I get it.

• 11:25Speaker 06

  It feels so good. But imagine me in 50 years on a lay flat bike.

• 11:30Andrew Santino?

  I see it.

• 11:30Speaker 06

  Fuck out of my way!

• 11:32Andrew Santino?

  Get out of my way! Looking up at the sky. There is a guy on TikTok I really do, um, he's the worst, but I do like watching him. He bikes in the bike lane and he records himself going, "Get out of the way, fuckhead, in the bike lane."

• 11:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. I've seen a couple of people like that.

• 11:48Andrew Santino?

  You've seen this guy.

• 11:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:49Andrew Santino?

  But a couple of guys have checked him and that I love. Couple of guys will stop his bike and they get in his fucking face. He's like, "You're being recorded." Which is the defense mechanism of the pussy.

• 11:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:59Andrew Santino?

  "Don't hit me because you're on camera."

• 12:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 12:01Andrew Santino?

  And to everyone in the world, start hitting these people. Like, everyone needs to get hit.

• 12:05Speaker 06

  I have so much respect for somebody who like looks at me and doesn't back down.

• 12:10Andrew Santino?

  I love that.

• 12:10Speaker 06

  Because I'm like, it's just that one of us needs to make a decision. The time that it's bad is when people bobble. Or when people like think that they can make the situation better for me. And I'm like, I'm in so much more control than you right now.

• 12:23Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 12:24Speaker 06

  I need you to keep doing whatever dumb thing you're about to do. And I will operate around that.

• 12:29Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 12:30Speaker 06

  And I, like, I, I can be in charge of my own little bubble, but like, don't try, don't try to fix things for me. Don't, don't stop in the middle of the street.

• 12:38Andrew Santino?

  Just keep moving.

• 12:39Speaker 06

  There's so many metaphors that I find in biking that I like need to apply to my real life. Like, I was thinking... The other day, I was riding and there was an ambulance that was pulling into the street in some weird way that was like probably 300 feet in front of me. And I was like, oh, a less experienced rider would like stop here and try to figure out what's going on or would like slow down and be nervous about the ambulance situation and how is traffic gonna flow? And I just have been riding for so long that I kept going full speed, knowing that the situation would change by the time I got there. And I would be able to find a way through. But I'm not gonna be able to see it from where I am and also it's gonna be different by that time anyway, so I might as well not try to predict,

• 13:21Speaker 06

  not try to plan for something and just like keep doing the thing that I'm doing until I need to adjust to the situation. And I was like, wow, that's life, man.

• 13:31Andrew Santino?

  Just don't, just let it happen.

• 13:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, and then of course I lay in bed like swirling about, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:36Andrew Santino?

  Also, or a car door could hit you and that's it.

• 13:38Speaker 06

  Totally. But why plan for that?

• 13:41Andrew Santino?

  You can't, man.

• 13:42Speaker 06

  You can't. Wear a helmet. Make yourself as safe as possible.

• 13:45Andrew Santino?

  You always wear a helmet?

• 13:46Speaker 06

  100%.

• 13:46Andrew Santino?

  You're never a bad girl?

• 13:47Speaker 06

  I hate, I, it's, the thing is that my helmet has saved my life six times.

• 13:53Andrew Santino?

  Whoa, so you've been hit six times?

• 13:54Speaker 06

  Uh, not by a moving vehicle. Uh, but I have crashed a shit ton because I ride hard and a lot.

• 14:01Andrew Santino?

  You ride hard and a lot.

• 14:02Speaker 06

  My priorities.

• 14:03Andrew Santino?

  Get, get her new album, I Ride Hard and a Lot.

• 14:07Andrew Santino?

  And, and you know what? That would be my checkout though. If, if I fell really hard, I'd be like, that's it.

• 14:13Speaker 06

  Totally. Every time I crash, I get back on the bike after the crash and ride to wherever I was going if I am physically able.

• 14:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 14:22Speaker 06

  I complete the ride so that that doesn't happen to me.

• 14:25Andrew Santino?

  That's crazy.

• 14:25Speaker 06

  Cause that, I used to be a good diver. And then I had like a really bad, I like tried to do a thing when I was, you know, I don't know, 13.

• 14:34Andrew Santino?

  We like, maybe we were a high school dive team or something?

• 14:36Speaker 06

  I was a lifeguard and so like a lot of people around me were swimming dive team and so I would like practice stuff with them.

• 14:41Andrew Santino?

  And one bad dive.

• 14:42Speaker 06

  And I just kinda never went back.

• 14:44Andrew Santino?

  What happened on the dive?

• 14:45Speaker 06

  I think I just like did a bad belly flop. Like I think I, I don't know. I probably yelled a secret as I was going in. It's probably, I actually completed the dive just fine. I just revealed, I love you Nick Norton and then I dove. It's my real, high school crush's real name.

• 14:58Andrew Santino?

  Nick Norton.

• 14:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:59Andrew Santino?

  Where's Nikki now?

• 14:59Speaker 06

  I don't know, Minneapolis, I think.

• 15:01Andrew Santino?

  I heard a rumor, a rumor, I heard something from a friend about a guy we used to know that passed away and it's a weird, this is what happens at this stage in my life. You hear like, "You hear that guy died?" I'm like, "No, really?" And the stories range from like, cancer, sad, normal, like, "Yeah, it snuck up on him, blah, blah, blah." Or like, this one was like, found in a motel, robbed by a hooker. Hooey! OD'd on fentanyl. Bui! And I was like, "Damn dude, it's a mov- that's movie shit."

• 15:29Speaker 06

  That's movie shit. Also, the robbed by a hooker feels like salt in the wound after an OD.

• 15:36Andrew Santino?

  And can you imagine though, how would a, like, I mean, kudos to the hooker, you gotta get out of there and you gotta take something for the go.

• 15:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, I guess.

• 15:42Andrew Santino?

  You're not gonna leave his wallet, he's dead.

• 15:44Speaker 06

  I would be curious to know whether the robbery happened before or after the death.

• 15:48Andrew Santino?

  I imagine they both were doing drugs, he OD'd and she was like, "I think I'm gonna get out of here."

• 15:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

• 15:52Andrew Santino?

  Also, I need a little bit of money.

• 15:53Speaker 06

  Sure, I gotta, I gotta get out of here.

• 15:55Andrew Santino?

  I gotta steal this guy's money.

• 15:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, also, or maybe that was her payment.

• 16:01Speaker 07

  It's also an unnecessary detail in regards to his death. Just kicking a man while he's down.

• 16:06Speaker 06

  Well, that's, that's what I mean, that's what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:08Speaker 07

  They didn't kill him, the robbery.

• 16:10Speaker 06

  Really, it's just, he sadly OD'd.

• 16:12Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 16:13Andrew Santino?

  But I have to tell you about the hooker stole his wallet. Otherwise, it's not a good story.

• 16:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:17Andrew Santino?

  I don't want, that's my, you know, we talk about this on the show sometime, we live in hotels, I just, I don't wanna die in a hotel. I think about it, cuz I'm like, well, I'm in this hotel alone, if I die, they're gonna find me.

• 16:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:28Andrew Santino?

  But if it's a nice hotel.

• 16:29Speaker 06

  Why don't you wanna die in a hotel?

• 16:30Andrew Santino?

  Well, I wanna be, I wanna, I wanna burden my wife, I wanna die near her.

• 16:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, I want my wife to have to wake up and find the worst thing that she can possibly imagine.

• 16:41Andrew Santino?

  Yes, trauma, trauma, trauma, yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 06

  My grandma, her husband died when my dad was young, or my, my grandfather died when my dad was young. Then she remarried, then her second husband died.

• 16:54Speaker 06

  Before I was born. And she didn't remarry after that and somebody asked her, like, why not? Cause I think she like, I don't know if she was in her seventies.

• 17:02Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 17:02Speaker 06

  So it's like, you could keep dating. And she said, I've, oh, and, uh, she had a child die and I don't know if he died in bed. But she said, I've had too many people die in my bed.

• 17:14Andrew Santino?

  My god, this poor woman. Is she alive now?

• 17:17Speaker 06

  Crazy, no, she's dead.

• 17:18Andrew Santino?

  She's gone, she died in bed as well.

• 17:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:20Andrew Santino?

  Full circle moment. Yeah, no, you can't, I mean, after, if I, if I wasn't married anymore, I always would say it's a one and done. I think this is a one-shot deal. I think you try it once, I know people like to do it multiple times, I have friends that have been married multiple times. I'm like, one and done. Regardless of how it ends to me, I'm always like, you give it a whirl and then, you know, getting married, it's like,

• 17:43Andrew Santino?

  it's like going to Japan. You gotta go once, it's amazing.

• 17:47Speaker 06

  You try it.

• 17:48Andrew Santino?

  You're probably not gonna go back.

• 17:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:49Andrew Santino?

  You're like, we gotta go back, you're never going back.

• 17:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:52Andrew Santino?

  It's too far.

• 17:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's too much of a commitment.

• 17:54Andrew Santino?

  It's just too much, dude, it's too much.

• 17:56Speaker 06

  It takes too much time, it takes too much planning.

• 17:59Andrew Santino?

  And there's so much you learn.

• 18:01Speaker 06

  You gotta learn a new language.

• 18:02Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna do that.

• 18:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:03Andrew Santino?

  What a fucking nightmare.

• 18:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:04Andrew Santino?

  No, I, I think it's, it's, I get it, you know, like, I, my mom, thankfully remarried, that's cause my stepdad is the best. But I just, I have so many friends now, either just getting a divorce or on their second go. Also, and the second round thing, like, I'm not giving you a gift and I probably won't come to the second wedding.

• 18:23Speaker 06

  If it's a, if it's a destination wedding.

• 18:25Andrew Santino?

  I just, I'm not giving you a gift, I did it once, I'm not doing it again, that's insane, just, you know what I mean? I, I just think there's a, there's a limit on.

• 18:31Speaker 06

  Sorry that your ex who you hate gets to share the one gift that you got from me.

• 18:35Andrew Santino?

  It's not my problem. That's on fucking you guys, you know? No, I think it's a, I think it's an unnecessary secondary wedding. I think the second wedding should just be for your family and you.

• 18:44Speaker 06

  Were you a person who wanted to get married? Like, like, I don't, I don't mean like, wanted to marry your wife.

• 18:50Andrew Santino?

  I had my dress planned since I was nine.

• 18:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm asking.

• 18:53Andrew Santino?

  I was such a whimsical girl. No, I never, I didn't, no, it was kinda like, uh, if it happens, great, I never, I never thought about it like that. I think. My generation, cuz we saw all of our parents.

• 19:06Speaker 06

  Split?

• 19:07Andrew Santino?

  Get a divorce.

• 19:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:08Andrew Santino?

  You know, like everyone. Your parents were together?

• 19:10Speaker 06

  No. We're never married, split up when I was a baby, never remarried anyway, never partnered with anybody.

• 19:17Andrew Santino?

  Never even dated other people?

• 19:18Speaker 06

  Not that I'm aware of. I look back at one, I have like one memory of my mom and I going to some community orchestra concert in Burnsville to see a guy play trumpet. And in retrospect, I'm like, oh, that was a date.

• 19:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 19:33Speaker 06

  But I was never introduced to somebody as like, this is mom's boyfriend.

• 19:36Andrew Santino?

  Wow, but and still no?

• 19:38Speaker 06

  Still no, still nothing. But, and my parents are still, are like very good friends, relatively speaking, like there's plenty of tension between them, but I would say no less, no more than like the average couple who has been married for forty years.

• 19:54Andrew Santino?

  Sure, so they're still kinda married.

• 19:55Speaker 06

  They're, yeah, they're, they're like functionally partners in a lot of ways. Yeah, they just live in very different states.

• 19:59Andrew Santino?

  But that's so funny that neither of them ever try to see other people ever again.

• 20:02Speaker 06

  I think my dad is just sort of a recluse by nature.

• 20:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 20:07Speaker 06

  And my mom was a single mom who was raising me and was not, didn't have a steady nine to five. And so I think she just like, her hands were full. There was one.

• 20:21Andrew Santino?

  How many of you are there? How many kids?

• 20:22Speaker 06

  Just me.

• 20:23Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're solo. They did one and done.

• 20:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 20:26Speaker 06

  Yeah. They both have separately told me that they would have loved to have more kids. Not, I, they haven't said like with each other, but like.

• 20:34Andrew Santino?

  In general.

• 20:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 20:35Speaker 06

  And I'm always sort of like, I got a solution for that. Not now, but like.

• 20:40Andrew Santino?

  We can figure it out.

• 20:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:42Andrew Santino?

  This is actually easy math.

• 20:43Speaker 06

  There was a window of opportunity.

• 20:45Andrew Santino?

  But no, but that's it. Didn't score a little girl.

• 20:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:47Andrew Santino?

  And they're both proud of you, aren't they?

• 20:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:49Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that great? Did they come to the premiere?

• 20:52Speaker 06

  Um, they didn't come to the film festival premiere, but they came to, there was a big red carpet screening in December.

• 20:58Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:59Speaker 06

  And they both, I brought them to that. And they, uh, my mom's from Minnesota, my dad is from, he, he's from Jersey, New York City, but now lives in Baltimore. My dad wears Crocs every day. Wow, yeah. Because they're the only shoes that feel good on his feet. Oh, Croc Dad. He shows up, he, he, he said he would be so mad if I misrepresent this. He was like, "I know I can't wear Crocs to this red carpet, but I don't have dress shoes, so I'll figure it out." He shows up wearing hiking boots, holding his Neoprene laptop bag that he uses as a purse because he's not willing to buy a real bag because that's gay, but he will carry his laptop bag everywhere as a purse.

• 21:42Speaker 06

  He has a non-folding umbrella, it was raining, but like a full, you know, a giant umbrella. Yeah. He's wearing his winter coat, shows up. My mom shows up wearing layers upon layers upon, looking, looking very nice and sweet, but like so many layers of jackets because like we don't know how cold it's gonna be in the theater. Yeah. Also, a huge, heavy purse that's like too big. She, and she was, if she, if she hears this, she's gonna be so mad at me. She's gonna hear it. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna send it to her. Yeah, please do. Becky deserves to hear herself be, be named in public. But she's, she's like carrying this giant purse, whatever, it's fine. I, Laura Dern is there, and Laura Dern was so kind to me on set. There were, there were a handful of times on set when I felt really like,

• 22:25Speaker 06

  when I felt a little bit on my back foot and just like wasn't sure how to navigate a situation, yada, yada, yada. And Laura was so generous and was, and would like check in on me and be like, "How are you feeling?" And, "Are, is this situation going okay for you?" And whatever. She was so, so, so nice. And I told my parents, and so I like, there was a time where she was standing in a corner and only talking to one person who seemed to be on her team. And so I was like, "This is our chance." And I trot my parents up, and my mom takes both of Laura's hands and said like, "Thank you for being kind to my baby girl," and starts sobbing. Oh, that's sweet. And Laura Dern is so kind and was like, "Of course, Chloe's amazing, she's great, whatever." And my dad shakes her hand and goes, "I, I haven't seen you in the movie yet, but I've been a fan for a long time."

• 23:10Speaker 06

  All right, Dad. Good job. Back off. We're walking into the, into the screening, and there's a table of Smart Water bottles, just like as a, "Here, have a water bottle to watch the movie." Both of my parents start putting multiple Smart Water bottles in their respective bags. Yeah, yeah. You're not missing a chance to take a free Smart Water. Bradley Cooper is walking by, my parents are like arming Smart Water bottles into their bags. I'm like, I will buy you a smart water bottle at the bodega.

• 23:40Andrew Santino?

  That's silly, they're right there.

• 23:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, they're right there. The company's already, the movie's paid for it.

• 23:44Andrew Santino?

  By the way, they're gonna be wasted at some point.

• 23:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:46Andrew Santino?

  Let them take those home, put them in his neoprene laptop bag and move on with his life. Let your mom coat pocket them like she's stealing booze in high school. Let them live.

• 23:55Speaker 06

  They're like swag.

• 23:57Andrew Santino?

  The swag, that's the swag.

• 23:59Speaker 06

  This is what Hollywood does.

• 24:01Andrew Santino?

  You know what they gave my daughter at the premiere? Smart water.

• 24:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, as much smart water as she wants.

• 24:07Andrew Santino?

  He moved to Baltimore.

• 24:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 24:08Andrew Santino?

  For a job?

• 24:09Speaker 06

  For work-ish, yeah.

• 24:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, for work-ish. What did he do when you were a kid?

• 24:14Speaker 06

  He, he's a lawyer by training, but now he's moved into real estate development. He's doing like the legal side.

• 24:20Andrew Santino?

  He was a lawyer?

• 24:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:22Andrew Santino?

  A crock lawyer?

• 24:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, a crock lawyer.

• 24:24Andrew Santino?

  A crock lawyer.

• 24:24Speaker 06

  My dad is a weird one, cuz he is, both of my parents are like hippy hippy hippy hippies.

• 24:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really?

• 24:30Speaker 06

  They met at a transcendental meditation teacher training course.

• 24:34Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 24:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, like on a like multi-month meditation retreat. They were, they're like so from that world, we like talk about past life memories at the dinner table. It's like, yeah.

• 24:43Andrew Santino?

  Are you into this stuff?

• 24:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 24:45Andrew Santino?

  So does.

• 24:47Speaker 06

  I guess so, yeah. It's, the thing is that like, I, I hate how modern, like hippie shit is now, now it works in the culture. Like it's, it's, it's been like co-opted by people who I hate.

• 25:02Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 25:02Speaker 06

  And, so I really hate being like, I totally believe in reincarnation, I totally believe in energy, I totally believe in like, we, I had my, my tarot read since I was a kid and like, have little cassette tapes of me asking our family psychic questions about, I'm sure my third grade crush. I have no idea, you know, but like, it wasn't ignored at the time.

• 25:23Andrew Santino?

  I was just gonna say, is it Norton?

• 25:24Speaker 06

  It was really soon I was gonna meet Nick, oh, so soon.

• 25:28Andrew Santino?

  The tarot cards told you that?

• 25:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they said, they said, put, put Matt Clemens aside. I shouldn't be using their real names.

• 25:35Andrew Santino?

  They don't give a fuck. This is 20 years ago, how long? Yeah, this is forever ago. You're fine.

• 25:41Speaker 06

  Um.

• 25:41Andrew Santino?

  Livid, Matt Clemens is livid about it. Food falling out his mouth, what the fuck?

• 25:47Speaker 06

  She liked me that whole time.

• 25:48Andrew Santino?

  I was in love with her. Have you ever had that happen? When someone years later was like, "God, I liked you so much when we were kids and why didn't we ever talk?"

• 25:56Speaker 06

  Uh, not anyone that I am like dang.

• 26:01Andrew Santino?

  I had a girl that said that to me years and years ago, but she was like, we met up through friends when I was on tour and she was like, "How's life? How's life? Great, life is good." She's like, "Oh, I had the biggest crush on you as a kid." I was like, "I had the biggest fucking crush on you as a kid." "Why didn't we ever talk?"

• 26:15Speaker 06

  That's funny.

• 26:16Andrew Santino?

  I mean, now she's hideous, but

• 26:19Andrew Santino?

  no, but it was, it's just when you're kids too, you're, you're like, the person I think you're afraid of the most is, this feels the same way about you.

• 26:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think in my case, that was not

• 26:31Speaker 06

  I think for me, the, the people who I was afraid of the most broadly didn't think about me.

• 26:37Andrew Santino?

  No. Were you, were you kind of like a hippie kid? Were you kind of like a?

• 26:42Speaker 06

  I was a, I was an ultra dweeb. I was such a fucking loser. I was, I was marching band, speech and debate, knowledgeable, theater.

• 26:54Speaker 06

  I like never

• 26:55Andrew Santino?

  Fucking nerd.

• 26:57Speaker 06

  I've never played a day of organized sports in my life.

• 26:59Andrew Santino?

  Do you enjoy sports at all or no?

• 27:01Speaker 06

  Now, I mean, you know what's funny? Like as an adult, I'm like, "Oh, I think I'm athletic." Cause like I ride so much.

• 27:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that is. Yeah.

• 27:07Speaker 06

  And I love, I, I got really into rock climbing for a long time. Basically, I need, I need a sport that where anything that I'm using is strapped to my body or is like very attached to my body. Skis, I love skiing. I can, I love swimming.

• 27:20Andrew Santino?

  So, but tennis is out. I can drop the racket.

• 27:22Speaker 06

  Kicking, throwing, catching, really tough for me.

• 27:24Andrew Santino?

  Wow, that's funny.

• 27:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, bad.

• 27:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because the coordination that it takes to ride very well seamlessly through traffic without dying is an athletic

• 27:30Speaker 06

  It's totally, yeah.

• 27:31Andrew Santino?

  It's an athletic endurance of some kind, you know?

• 27:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, totally.

• 27:34Andrew Santino?

  That's fun. And, but, well, now, like, well, is your boyfriend into organized shit or no? He doesn't?

• 27:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's, he, he's British, so he's big into soccer.

• 27:43Andrew Santino?

  He's British?

• 27:43Speaker 06

  He's British.

• 27:46Andrew Santino?

  Yikes.

• 27:46Speaker 06

  I mean, I'm, I'm trying to get out of here.

• 27:48Andrew Santino?

  Jesus Christ, dude. Seventeen seventy-six?

• 27:52Speaker 06

  I know, I've heard of it, I've heard of it.

• 27:53Andrew Santino?

  Jesus Christ.

• 27:54Speaker 06

  Look, I know, but I use him as a whipping boy.

• 27:56Andrew Santino?

  Football.

• 27:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 27:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Football.

• 27:59Speaker 06

  Now I'm into football.

• 28:00Andrew Santino?

  What team does he refer, what team do you guys refer?

• 28:02Speaker 06

  Tottenham Hotspur.

• 28:03Andrew Santino?

  Tottenham.

• 28:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, we, we went and saw Tottenham in the Europa Cup final in Bilbao, Spain.

• 28:10Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 28:10Speaker 06

  Because, because I, I was in England last year for a month and...

• 28:17Andrew Santino?

  Doing shows?

• 28:18Speaker 06

  Uh, I was there for a festival and then, he, basically, he's here way, way, way more than I'm there.

• 28:25Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:25Speaker 06

  Because I...

• 28:27Andrew Santino?

  Because we're the best.

• 28:28Speaker 06

  Don't want to be there.

• 28:29Andrew Santino?

  It's the best country in the world.

• 28:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:31Andrew Santino?

  That's, you can say it.

• 28:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, because it is, it's better here.

• 28:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's better!

• 28:35Speaker 06

  I mean, it's way, way, way worse here.

• 28:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but it's better.

• 28:38Speaker 06

  But it is better.

• 28:38Andrew Santino?

  At the same time, it's better.

• 28:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, so much better.

• 28:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 28:41Speaker 06

  But, uh, so, so it's like, if I can do big blocks, I want to.

• 28:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 28:49Speaker 06

  As a like, it, it is not going to be sustainable long-term if I'm just like, yeah, I'm never gonna go there. I'm never gonna, I'm never gonna go to your pathetic little country.

• 28:59Andrew Santino?

  England, is it? Would you ever move?

• 29:03Speaker 06

  Uh, I would have to be way less successful than I am, or way more successful than I am.

• 29:08Andrew Santino?

  Right, you think you're, you're in a middle spot.

• 29:10Speaker 06

  Because right now, I'm in a place where like, genuinely, if I spend, this is the real reason why I don't like being over there. Is because when I spend two, three, four weeks there, I can feel that impact my career here. And also like, being there has helped my career in a million ways. It, it actually has, I, I really should be much, much, much fairer to it. Like, it has opened up a ton of opportunities and it has connected me to people who I genuinely wouldn't have gotten connected to here and like, I, I should give it way more credit, but I feel like... I, I just feel like I am sort of in the strike when the iron is hot part of my career.

• 29:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 29:50Speaker 06

  And I'm trying to build my career here. And so, yeah.

• 29:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, so why, why give it to them?

• 29:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, or it's just like, why split my focus? Like, my focus is already so split between like, I'm doing stand-up and social media, but I also have like, this little burgeoning stuff in acting, but a like, pretty significantly moving part of my career in screenwriting. Like, I make, I make not a lot of money, but like, a lot of my money from screenwriting.

• 30:18Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm. Are you writing on a show right now or something?

• 30:20Speaker 06

  I'm not, but I have sold a couple scripts, have a development deal on a solo show to try and develop it into a-

• 30:27Andrew Santino?

  What's the solo show called?

• 30:28Speaker 06

  It's called Cheat.

• 30:30Andrew Santino?

  Cheat?

• 30:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's about how I've cheated in almost every relationship I've ever been in.

• 30:34Andrew Santino?

  Oh shit, is it, it's a movie or a show?

• 30:36Speaker 06

  It's a solo show. It's like a, it's an hour of-

• 30:37Andrew Santino?

  Oh, like a one-person show?

• 30:38Speaker 06

  It's like a one-woman show.

• 30:39Andrew Santino?

  One-woman show?

• 30:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:41Andrew Santino?

  Cause they always say one-man show.

• 30:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I call it a solo show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, men are.

• 30:48Andrew Santino?

  Just cut that out.

• 30:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:50Andrew Santino?

  So you do this show now?

• 30:52Speaker 06

  I do the show now, yeah, yeah.

• 30:54Andrew Santino?

  But that's not your hour when you tour?

• 30:55Speaker 06

  Correct. I can't lock the nice people of like, Fort Collins, Colorado, into a room and be like, "Hey, you paid twenty-two dollars for a night of stand-up?"

• 31:06Andrew Santino?

  Check this out.

• 31:07Speaker 06

  "Now I'm gonna talk to you about how I've fucked a bunch of people I wasn't supposed to fuck, and it's gonna get sad about my dad at the end." I can't. I can't do that to the nice strangers.

• 31:17Andrew Santino?

  No, you could.

• 31:18Speaker 06

  I could, but I wouldn't be asked back.

• 31:20Andrew Santino?

  But don't do it.

• 31:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:22Andrew Santino?

  But it's all roped around your dad, huh?

• 31:24Speaker 06

  Uh, it was. It's actually now changed a bunch. Um...

• 31:27Andrew Santino?

  Have you put it down? Have you recorded it yet?

• 31:29Speaker 06

  Not, uh, I like, have tape of it.

• 31:32Andrew Santino?

  But you don't wanna put it out?

• 31:34Speaker 06

  I don't wanna put it out because I would like to try and get an off-Broadway run-

• 31:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 31:38Speaker 06

  -of it. I would love to do it for six weeks somewhere.

• 31:40Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 31:41Speaker 06

  Um, and I think I can, and I want to do it in like, not a capital T theater. I wanna do it in like, someplace that feels, that feels closer to stand-up, but isn't a club.

• 31:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 31:51Speaker 06

  Like, my fantasy is like, the basement of a hotel or something. I think that would be very cool.

• 31:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 31:57Speaker 06

  Um...

• 31:58Andrew Santino?

  You gotta find the right hotel.

• 31:59Speaker 06

  Gotta find the right hotel.

• 32:00Andrew Santino?

  London's got a lot of basements in their hotels.

• 32:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:02Andrew Santino?

  Do that.

• 32:04Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola, for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  Now at Kroger, your points add up to more ways to save every trip. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. You can even save up to $35 on your next fill-up. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh, quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, your dollar goes further. Redeem your points online or in the app. Kroger, fresh for everyone. Restrictions apply. See site or store for details.

• 33:04Andrew Santino?

  But, but.

• 33:05Speaker 06

  Prior argument.

• 33:05Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 33:07Speaker 06

  I mean, look, if a hotel in London would let me do the show.

• 33:11Andrew Santino?

  Well, one was going to at some, upon one point, but no longer now. You really, you really fucked, fucked yourself there over a little bit.

• 33:19Speaker 06

  England, all of England is smaller than the entire state of Minnesota.

• 33:22Andrew Santino?

  Tiny.

• 33:23Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 33:23Andrew Santino?

  It's a tiny place, but it's, it is really, we just got back, we were there last year. Um, and, uh, yeah, it just, London doesn't feel the same that it used to feel for me, but England is pretty, pretty cool.

• 33:34Speaker 06

  I mean, it's an incredible country. You, you go there and you're like, oh, I get why all of the fairy tales were written here. I like, it's, it feels like you're walking into a painting. It's amazing.

• 33:43Andrew Santino?

  It does.

• 33:44Speaker 06

  It really, it's, I don't mean to shit on the country. It's an amazing place and someday I will apply for asylum there.

• 33:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you'll need to.

• 33:51Speaker 06

  And I hope that they let me.

• 33:52Andrew Santino?

  You'll need to.

• 33:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 33:53Andrew Santino?

  Well, unless, uh, I mean, you, you know, you'll stay in New York for a long time here coming. You're never gonna go anywhere else, though. You hate LA or do you like LA?

• 34:00Speaker 06

  I hated LA for a long time.

• 34:02Andrew Santino?

  Good for you.

• 34:02Speaker 06

  And now I have learned to love it.

• 34:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 34:05Speaker 06

  I.

• 34:05Andrew Santino?

  Well, you drank the Kool-Aid.

• 34:06Speaker 06

  I drank the Kool-Aid.

• 34:07Andrew Santino?

  You got yourself in a fucking movie and now you're like, this isn't so bad.

• 34:10Speaker 06

  Well, that's the thing, it totally is. The second that my career got better.

• 34:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 34:13Speaker 06

  The second that like positive things in my career were associated with LA, I was like, ah, this city's got some good sides to it.

• 34:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 34:21Speaker 06

  Although I will say, this morning, I was at a cafe in. Ontohanga?

• 34:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 34:26Speaker 06

  One of the, whatever.

• 34:27Andrew Santino?

  Aroma?

• 34:28Speaker 06

  It wasn't Aroma, it was, it was right down the block.

• 34:30Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 34:31Speaker 06

  And the one bathroom in this little cafe is like back in the kitchen, so it's in this like really, really cramped backspace. And the door was closed for a long time, said locked. And I realized I could hear the person inside on a call in the bathroom. And I was so, I like stood there and was like, they have to understand that this is inappropriate. They were in there for so long, I finally like jiggled the handle as they get the fuck out of there.

• 34:55Andrew Santino?

  You gotta do the jiggle.

• 34:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, let them know.

• 34:57Speaker 06

  Which, sometimes when I'm in there, I'm, I'm like, what do you think is gonna happen? You think I can push this shit out faster? I can't, like, I can't speed this up.

• 35:05Andrew Santino?

  Right, well, you should try.

• 35:06Speaker 06

  My body is moving as fast as it moves.

• 35:08Andrew Santino?

  Push, rotate.

• 35:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do my little squats.

• 35:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 35:12Speaker 06

  Um, but sometimes in a bathroom, I will pull like the top of the garbage can off to make my own little squatty potty.

• 35:18Andrew Santino?

  Do you really?

• 35:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:19Andrew Santino?

  Interesting move.

• 35:20Speaker 06

  A little DIY.

• 35:21Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 35:22Speaker 06

  Um.

• 35:22Andrew Santino?

  That helps you, huh?

• 35:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, totally.

• 35:24Andrew Santino?

  I hold my legs up when I'm, when I'm shitting. I literally just sit like this.

• 35:27Speaker 06

  Oh, interesting.

• 35:28Andrew Santino?

  At home, too.

• 35:29Speaker 06

  You should just try having a stool right there.

• 35:31Andrew Santino?

  No, I just enjoy this.

• 35:32Speaker 06

  That's nice.

• 35:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, ancestral.

• 35:34Speaker 06

  I feel like it's probably like a...

• 35:35Andrew Santino?

  It's a strength training thing.

• 35:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:37Andrew Santino?

  My hit teacher told me to do that.

• 35:38Speaker 06

  That's cool.

• 35:39Andrew Santino?

  When you're at home and you're shitting. Yeah, yeah. Hold your legs up, let it get out there, dude.

• 35:44Speaker 06

  You burn more calories if you shit with your knees in the air.

• 35:48Andrew Santino?

  That, that will be on a TikTok.

• 35:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 35:50Andrew Santino?

  Some guy, some, one of these fucking health influencers, everything you've ever known is wrong, and then they pitch you the thing that, if you could put your legs above your head when you're shitting, even better.

• 35:58Speaker 06

  There are like 25 ways to burn calories when, and you don't even notice it.

• 36:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 36:03Speaker 06

  And you're like, I'd notice that. I would notice, I notice having to sit like this.

• 36:07Andrew Santino?

  Not if you wake up in the morning and dip your face in a bowl of cold water.

• 36:10Speaker 06

  So fucking dumb.

• 36:11Andrew Santino?

  Everyone's tried all these little health tricks. None of them work.

• 36:14Speaker 06

  I mean, I get sucked into the, I'm like, I'm gonna research, like, what temperature of water burns more calories to drink it? And then I realize, it's like Radcliffe, if you fucking spent, instead of taking the time to read all of these stupid Reddit threads, if you just spent that time, go, like, going outside.

• 36:33Andrew Santino?

  Do it.

• 36:34Speaker 06

  Just for five minutes.

• 36:36Andrew Santino?

  Yep.

• 36:36Speaker 06

  Walk to the bodega.

• 36:37Andrew Santino?

  Yep.

• 36:37Speaker 06

  Buy whatever you want. Or spend that time like writing a joke rather than thinking about food.

• 36:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 36:43Speaker 06

  Sp- spend that time doing the things that you know work, which are easy and basic, and none of the shit that people are suggesting. Even if it works, even if it works a hundred percent, it it makes the tiniest, most incremental difference over like, I don't know. Eat the food that you know is better than you and better for you and don't eat the food that you know is bad for you.

• 37:05Andrew Santino?

  Money, yeah.

• 37:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 37:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, it's you. I think I think also you start to go. Uh, I'm wasting time thinking about it. I'm gonna die. Do I wanna live to be ninety six? Not not really.

• 37:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would rather, you don't want longevity. You want you want shortevity.

• 37:20Andrew Santino?

  You know that I'm not here for a long time. I'm here for a good time. Let's do it and get the fuck out of here. Like, what do I don't even, like, this is gonna, whenever you read those things that were like, this is taking off years on your life, and you're like, right on. Good. I I need to lessen this blow a little bit.

• 37:36Speaker 06

  Also, I'm not having kids, so nobody's gonna take care of me when I'm old.

• 37:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 37:40Speaker 06

  So, I might as well make it easy on myself. Correct.

• 37:44Andrew Santino?

  You're you're, okay, cool. What made that decision for you?

• 37:47Speaker 06

  Um, I, it was more like I came to the realization, but it was a couple summers ago. My mom, my mom always says stuff like, she's like, saving toys of mine from when I was young, and she's like, these are for your your babies for when I'm a grandma. Or like, or she'll always say, oh, no, you know what the thing is? She always says, uh, I will, even if you have kids and you wind up not with the person you've had kids with, I will always be there. Like, I'll I'll always be around to be grandma.

• 38:21Andrew Santino?

  I'll take care of the kids if you can't.

• 38:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, like, I'll move in in the backyard and and help you take care of them or whatever. And I know that she means that as she felt very alone raising me.

• 38:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 38:33Speaker 06

  Her parents were not involved, and my dad was wherever he was, and.

• 38:38Andrew Santino?

  Getting their Crocs.

• 38:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:40Andrew Santino?

  Croc shopping.

• 38:41Speaker 06

  Yeah. Um, and then she's trying to say like, I'm supporting you, but of course, it makes me feel like. Have kids.

• 38:48Andrew Santino?

  Pressure, pressure, pressure.

• 38:49Speaker 06

  I, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, and so one summer I like went, she said something like that and I, I was at home, in the house that I grew up in. And I said to her, hey, I want you to know that I know that you're not trying to make me feel pressure to have kids. And my mom is so sincere, cannot lie, doesn't, she is, she is total face value, everything she says. And she was like, oh, I didn't even, of course, of course I'm not making you have kids. I'm not, that's not pressure.

• 39:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 39:14Speaker 06

  And she's like being earnest.

• 39:15Andrew Santino?

  She doesn't know that she's doing it.

• 39:16Speaker 06

  She doesn't know. I walked down the hall and then I'm suddenly like, but of course that makes me feel so much fucking pressure. Of course it does. And that like opened this like waterfall of realizations. I realized that since high school, I have always wanted, I've always been like, it would be awesome if I just went to the doctor for something else. And they were like, they came back and they were like, hey, along with whatever you're getting checked up for, we found out that you're infertile, sorry. If I could just have the decision made for me, that would be awesome. And I never once thought it would be awesome if I accidentally got pregnant and had the decision made for me.

• 39:49Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you know, yeah, that's never, have you had the scare before?

• 39:52Speaker 06

  Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:53Andrew Santino?

  Couple of scares.

• 39:53Speaker 06

  Couple of scares. And it was like somebody put a blanket over the world for the like week or two that I was, it was like, everything was like gray and muffled. Yeah, I guess it was just like,

• 40:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:08Speaker 06

  You shut down. It was, yeah, it's the scariest, it's the scared. I, they still like, the closest that I have to nightmares now are dreams where I'm pregnant or where I have a kid. And I'm like, I don't want this. And now it is a life, it is a person.

• 40:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's your ultimate nightmare.

• 40:25Speaker 06

  That's the scariest thing in the world.

• 40:27Andrew Santino?

  You scared of being robbed or murdered in New York at night?

• 40:29Speaker 06

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 40:31Andrew Santino?

  By pregnant? Holy shit, dude. Walking around all fat and swollen? Biggest fear you have?

• 40:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, I don't wanna.

• 40:38Andrew Santino?

  Well, good, no, good. If, yeah. Look, I think it's, it is an interesting world now of like, we, I, we don't have kids. And it's like, do you wanna bring them up here and now and it's time and all this stuff and we can't, so it kinda made this decision for us.

• 40:56Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 40:56Andrew Santino?

  But.

• 40:57Speaker 06

  You live in my fantasy.

• 40:58Andrew Santino?

  I do, I know. I'm who you wanna be. Uh, Hollywood?

• 41:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:03Andrew Santino?

  Mr. Hollywood, as it were?

• 41:04Speaker 06

  I wanna get deep enough into Hollywood to get mad at them, quit,

• 41:08Andrew Santino?

  Yep.

• 41:08Speaker 06

  and be told, I can't have kids.

• 41:09Andrew Santino?

  It feels fantastic. I can't tell you how good it feels. No, but I think that it just also was a, there is also the idea that I was like, oh, I, because I'm from the Midwest, I was like, well, if I even did have one, I'd probably want to go back home.

• 41:23Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 41:23Andrew Santino?

  That was a double thing in my mind of like, would I even want to have a kid here?

• 41:27Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:27Andrew Santino?

  Which is tough.

• 41:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:28Andrew Santino?

  Cause I have friends that have raised kids here and it's obviously very normal. There's nothing insane about it, but it's like, you know, it's not how we grew up.

• 41:35Speaker 06

  No.

• 41:35Andrew Santino?

  Which is what I would want in my mind.

• 41:36Speaker 06

  Totally. Oh, the Midwest breeds a sense of shame and embarrassment into you that I think is healthy.

• 41:43Andrew Santino?

  That's why the British guy likes you, by the way. They have the exact same shit.

• 41:45Speaker 06

  Totally. I think the UK is the Midwest of the world.

• 41:47Andrew Santino?

  It a hundred percent is. Same weather.

• 41:49Speaker 06

  Beer, cheese, everything's gray. Can't look you in the eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:53Andrew Santino?

  Talk shit behind your back, smiles at your face.

• 41:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, very prudish, can't deal with sex. Yeah.

• 41:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, sex, gross.

• 41:58Speaker 06

  Boils all their vegetables, no spices.

• 42:00Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's my people's thing. That's, we're, we're big boilers. The Irish are big boilers. I boiled beer brats the other day too. And you missed it. You should have come over. Beer brats, which by the way, some of my friends who are not Midwesterners were remarkably confused.

• 42:14Speaker 06

  By beer brats?

• 42:15Andrew Santino?

  They just never have had them. They were like, what do you mean beer? In fact-

• 42:18Speaker 06

  I will say actually, British boyfriend has been like, what is a brat? What is it? Yeah. I'm like, I don't know how to explain this. Yeah.

• 42:25Andrew Santino?

  Leave him. It's time.

• 42:26Speaker 06

  He doesn't deserve me.

• 42:27Andrew Santino?

  I had to actually go around LA. I had to go to three different butcher shops to get a bratwurst. And I went to a, I went to an OG German butcher shop to get it because the other guys were like, we don't really, people, not enough people buy it.

• 42:42Speaker 06

  Know what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:43Andrew Santino?

  And I was like, that's crazy. As a kid, it was like, it's primary when you go to a butcher shop that they have brats there. But that's also because I think like in the Midwest, a lot of German and a lot of Polish influence in Chicago. So it's already culturally it's there.

• 42:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:56Andrew Santino?

  Here, no. They were like, the guy, the guy literally goes, I go, do you have bratwurst? He goes, what? No, what? No. He was like annoyed that I asked. I was like, all right, I'll just take a town sausage.

• 43:04Speaker 06

  And you're like, that's the most normal. That's like the equivalent of asking like, do you have rice?

• 43:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Yeah. Well, I, I was shocked, but I did, it did, uh, it did blow my mind how many people were like, I don't know if I like those. I'm like, try them. I promise you'll like them. They're boiled in fucking beer and then grilled.

• 43:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 43:20Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna fuck it. I do miss that about the Midwest. I miss the- Community camaraderie, I miss that thing. Like, we have to pull people to our house for sporting events to watch games, to like cheer. You're like, but it's hard to pull LA people together.

• 43:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 43:36Andrew Santino?

  We just don't have that culture here.

• 43:38Speaker 06

  It's everybody can sort of-

• 43:39Andrew Santino?

  You can go to the game, people will go to a Dodgers game with you, people go to the Lakers game.

• 43:43Speaker 06

  But they won't come to your house for it?

• 43:45Andrew Santino?

  It's just not a cultural thing in LA.

• 43:46Speaker 06

  Interesting.

• 43:47Andrew Santino?

  And in the Midwest, it's like, you definitely go to somebody's house.

• 43:49Speaker 06

  Of course.

• 43:49Andrew Santino?

  You're begging for someone to throw a party, so you're like-

• 43:52Speaker 06

  You figure out who's got the biggest TV?

• 43:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and who has the nicest setup.

• 43:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 43:56Andrew Santino?

  And also, whose house can you trash and not feel bad about it?

• 43:58Speaker 06

  Yep. Yeah, and who's got the beer fridge in the basement?

• 44:00Andrew Santino?

  Right. See, these are things that are just missing here. It's just not a- And who's got that extra fridge in the garage for all that extra shit? I mean, you just need to have these things.

• 44:08Speaker 06

  Right, and the chest freezer for all the meat.

• 44:10Andrew Santino?

  For all the meat. What are we doing? But we don't, none of that stuff exists here. Now, these people live on the whim.

• 44:15Speaker 06

  They don't eat meat.

• 44:16Andrew Santino?

  No, but they don't eat here. We're not a food city. No one's allowed to eat anymore.

• 44:20Speaker 06

  Just a big gulp of air for dessert.

• 44:23Andrew Santino?

  Just go outside and breathe.

• 44:25Speaker 06

  Just connect with the earth, you know? Feel the vibrations and that really fills me up.

• 44:29Andrew Santino?

  I think that LA thing, though, has dissipated. I think the like, um-

• 44:35Speaker 06

  The woo-woo?

• 44:35Andrew Santino?

  The woo-woo LA thing is almost all gone. In fact, you guys kind of have it a little bit more than we do. New York kind of still has more woo-ooey bullshit.

• 44:41Speaker 06

  Interesting.

• 44:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like when you, I think the city, Manhattan has a lot of that shit that like we kind of did. This like, it's a coffee shop, it's also a yoga studio, and you can also buy your own custom candles. Like, that thing-

• 44:55Speaker 06

  That is, it's like very in Williamsburg now. I feel like it's any, yeah.

• 44:58Andrew Santino?

  But young, hip, but that's kind of gone. It's on my side of the town. That's by you now, still. But it's still, but you guys are still trying to be punk rock on the east side, where Williamsburg is like, white, upper crusty, just had a baby.

• 45:12Speaker 06

  Oh, it's just like a real estate development firm.

• 45:15Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 45:16Speaker 06

  Like, pulled out a little prepackaged neighborhood and dropped it in.

• 45:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 45:20Speaker 06

  And it all looks like nothing. Like it's like big and pretty officially, but it sort of, you sort of walk around and it feels like you're in a video game. Like you're in like a part of a video game that they didn't develop fully, you know?

• 45:33Andrew Santino?

  The designers didn't finish?

• 45:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:35Andrew Santino?

  Where are you in, where are you in Brooklyn?

• 45:36Speaker 06

  I'm in Ridgewood. I'm way deep out. I'm in a little Polish neighborhood.

• 45:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you are. That's, yeah. You like it out there.

• 45:40Speaker 06

  I love it. I love it.

• 45:41Andrew Santino?

  The freedom?

• 45:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:42Andrew Santino?

  You feel like you're not really in the gut of everything?

• 45:44Speaker 06

  Totally, totally.

• 45:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 45:45Speaker 06

  And I just wanna, I wanna be somewhere like old and ratty. I hate, I, I truly, I do not understand when people look at new construction buildings as, now maybe you live in one, but like, I don't. When people are like, ugh, it's expensive, but like, that's what the whole market is. I'm like, no, you're looking at these things that are like, they're shiny and beautiful for the first 18 months. And then you realize that everything is just like Ikea door handles that are gonna come unscrewed and look crooked and ugly in two years. And you're paying $5,000 for something that's gonna fall apart.

• 46:20Andrew Santino?

  For sure.

• 46:20Speaker 06

  And it's gonna, and the dishwasher is gonna smell bad. Old dishwashers don't smell bad. New dishwashers smell bad.

• 46:26Andrew Santino?

  That is true.

• 46:27Speaker 07

  And it's boring.

• 46:28Andrew Santino?

  It's boring.

• 46:29Speaker 06

  And it's boring!

• 46:29Speaker 07

  These new buildings are boring.

• 46:30Andrew Santino?

  We're going through it right now. We have a fucking new-ish washer and dryer. And in the first house that we moved into, the washer was from, no shit, like 52.

• 46:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 46:40Andrew Santino?

  It was the oldest, I'm shocked it was still running, totally fine. This newer one that was left in the house that we got, broken, stinks like shit, leaks.

• 46:49Speaker 06

  Totally, totally.

• 46:50Andrew Santino?

  It's a piece of shit. Everything's a piece of shit.

• 46:51Speaker 06

  Totally. Everything is bad.

• 46:52Andrew Santino?

  Everything new is a piece of shit.

• 46:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:54Andrew Santino?

  Old is like, they made it right, but then, because back then they were like, we'll make it so you never have to get another one.

• 46:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:00Andrew Santino?

  And then at some point in the 80s, capitalism was like, whoa, we need them to buy a lot of them.

• 47:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:04Andrew Santino?

  So let's make cars worse, let's make everything break, and that is, that is now the new culture. Like iPhones, someone said that to me last night.

• 47:11Speaker 07

  Plan obsolescence.

• 47:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, plan obsolescence. They want, they, someone said to me last night, they're like, I get a new phone every time they put one out. And I was like, that's so crazy that, it's a cultural thing now to be like, trade it up, get a new one, fuck it.

• 47:22Speaker 06

  And it's because companies don't take pride in the product anymore. They take pride in, I'm not trying to be as pithy as I'm about to be. They take pride in the profit, not the product.

• 47:30Andrew Santino?

  I know. It is true. Well, what's, well, so what's the answer? What's, what is really golden? We're fucked, it's over.

• 47:40Speaker 06

  Oh, totally. I mean, I, I think that, I think- The like fundamental problem with all of this, or a fundamental problem with all of this, is the scale at which we are all operating.

• 47:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 47:52Speaker 06

  That like, we aren't, and I don't mean like, we didn't evolve to be in communities this big. Like, sure, yeah, that, I mean, that is part of it. I guess that is the fundamental root of it. But it's that like, you can't care about people's experience. You can't care about 300 million people's experience. And you can't care about the experience of people who live 5,000 miles from you. Like, you can't.

• 48:11Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 48:11Speaker 06

  You can think about it and be like, "That's too bad." Or, "I hope that they're doing okay." But you can't really, we really have a capacity for empathy that exists in people we know and understand what their lives are like.

• 48:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 48:25Speaker 06

  And so it's like, yeah, when you're running a company that serves your state, or a few states around, and you travel around and you sell the products to these people, and you see that the people are happy with the products, then you can take pride in that. Because you're like, seeing the literal impact.

• 48:39Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 48:40Speaker 06

  But when it's like, it's all just numbers on paper, and the only impact you can feel is, "Can I buy a bigger yacht?"

• 48:48Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 48:49Speaker 06

  You can't, then of course you don't care about the product. I don't know.

• 48:51Andrew Santino?

  That's right. No, it's true.

• 48:53Speaker 06

  I think, I think that part of the reason that America is so fucked up is because it's so physically big.

• 48:58Andrew Santino?

  We're too big. We should be separate countries.

• 48:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 49:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we should.

• 49:00Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 49:01Andrew Santino?

  I mean, California is the what, the fourth largest GDP in the world, something like that?

• 49:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 49:05Andrew Santino?

  We shouldn't be attached to anybody else.

• 49:07Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 49:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we should sink on our own.

• 49:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:09Andrew Santino?

  We already fucked it up.

• 49:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. Let you guys do you.

• 49:12Andrew Santino?

  We, that's fine. We'll break off Texas. I mean, New York, you guys are a fucking nightmare, too.

• 49:17Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 49:17Andrew Santino?

  It's a nightmare. It's all a fucking big nightmare.

• 49:19Speaker 06

  The reason that there are functioning, there are like, social programs in Europe is because they're serving

• 49:26Andrew Santino?

  Smaller.

• 49:27Speaker 06

  A place that's the size of Minnesota.

• 49:29Andrew Santino?

  I know, it is funny. When they're like, "Canada has free healthcare," you're like, "I think there's 100 people in Canada that live up there."

• 49:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 49:34Andrew Santino?

  The rest of them live here. I don't fucking, Canada's so big and spread out. If you've ever done a Canada run, when you go from west to east, it's mind-bending how far it is from each place. You're like, "Oh, where's the next stop?" They're like, "It's a two-and-a-half-hour flight." And you're like, "What? That's the next city?"

• 49:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 49:50Andrew Santino?

  Like, yeah, and between then, it's nothingness. It's tundra. It's don't, it's, there's nothing there.

• 49:54Speaker 06

  I've done comedy in Winnipeg multiple times.

• 49:56Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:57Speaker 06

  And I don't know why that's the place that I have been to.

• 50:00Andrew Santino?

  They love you up there.

• 50:01Speaker 06

  They love me. And it's, the, the drive from Minneapolis to Winnipeg is the bleakest drive that I've ever done. You just go through North Dakota, the worst part of this country, and then into worse North Dakota, which is right above it. And it's, yeah, it's so, it's so windy and horrible.

• 50:21Andrew Santino?

  It's just sad.

• 50:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 50:22Andrew Santino?

  It really is sad.

• 50:23Speaker 06

  It just sort of cuts you and there's no.

• 50:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 50:25Speaker 06

  I did the, um, the Museum of Human Rights Atrocities is in Winnipeg.

• 50:30Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 50:30Speaker 06

  And it's seven floors of the worst thing that people have ever done.

• 50:33Andrew Santino?

  Seven floors?

• 50:34Speaker 06

  It's so bad. And that is the most fun thing to do in Winnipeg.

• 50:39Andrew Santino?

  Well, what are, what are the floors? What are the features?

• 50:41Speaker 06

  The floors are...

• 50:42Andrew Santino?

  Hitler has his own floor?

• 50:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. World War II, yeah. Holocaust has one. I, I think Armenian genocide has a floor. Canada, it's crazy.

• 50:52Andrew Santino?

  Just the idea that someone's like, wait a minute, the Holocaust only got one floor? They're like, oh, they're so greedy. They want three floors?

• 50:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:59Andrew Santino?

  What is it?

• 51:00Speaker 07

  The Rwandan genocide, Cambodian genocide, Bosnian war, Armenian genocide, apartheid in South Africa, racial terror lynchings in the US.

• 51:08Speaker 06

  Yeah. Yeah, we made it.

• 51:09Andrew Santino?

  You hit all the floors?

• 51:11Speaker 06

  I think I hit all the floors. The, the memory that I have...

• 51:14Andrew Santino?

  You skipped the Rwandan genocide? You were like, do we need to see it?

• 51:16Speaker 06

  I saw the movie. I kinda get it.

• 51:19Speaker 07

  I get it.

• 51:21Speaker 06

  Um, no, there was this big table, like interactive timeline table. I think it was on the Holocaust floor. And you could like click into things and they would pop open little information about it. But they, it's, you cannot imagine, the museum is silent.

• 51:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh, God.

• 51:35Speaker 06

  No one's chit-chatting. And there aren't kids running around laughing, learning things. But this interactive table makes noise every time you hit a thing. So you're just, so I'm on the other side of the hall, reading about the saddest thing, you know, reading about the skeletons dying as the people are coming to, you know, liberate concentration camps. And right behind me, I hear, bloop, bloop, bloop, ding. It's like...

• 52:05Speaker 06

  The fuck, who was like, this is a good idea?

• 52:07Andrew Santino?

  And not, and after all yours has been open.

• 52:09Speaker 06

  Jazz up the table.

• 52:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no one was like, should we not have noise on that?

• 52:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, nobody, nobody could even come over here and just be like, just turn them.

• 52:14Andrew Santino?

  Turn it down just a little bit.

• 52:15Speaker 06

  There's gotta be a knob on the table.

• 52:17Andrew Santino?

  God, that's, it is such a funny sketch in my mind of like going to the. How fun can we make this? Yeah.

• 52:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:23Andrew Santino?

  How fun are we allowed?

• 52:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:24Andrew Santino?

  The marketing team is like, should we get balloons? Do we have a balloon place in there?

• 52:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, the gift shop at the, at the Museum of Human Rights at Joplin.

• 52:34Speaker 06

  It will make you feel guilty.

• 52:36Andrew Santino?

  Do you guys have a license plate with my name on it? I was looking for that on the spindle and I just couldn't find it. The Human Atrocities Museum?

• 52:43Speaker 06

  Here's a t-shirt with a photo of people being lined up with, blindfolded next to a big crevasse. Okay, alright.

• 52:50Andrew Santino?

  Went to the Human Atrocities Museum and all I got was this t-shirt. I can like see that, my dad being like, it's kind of a cool shirt. I mean, it, we did go. It was almost like collecting how you saw people collecting Hard Rock t-shirts. Do you know this revolution, this was like a big deal at one point?

• 53:06Speaker 06

  I remember, cause I remember people collecting the hurricane glasses.

• 53:10Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, man.

• 53:11Speaker 06

  From the Hard Rock cafes, you know?

• 53:12Andrew Santino?

  Huge, huge. Where are those collections now? Someone has all of these and is waiting for the next pop to be like, see, I told you they were worth money. Like, did your parents have anything weird, that they collect stuff, did they do this thing?

• 53:23Speaker 06

  They, no, neither.

• 53:25Andrew Santino?

  Neither had like a crazy little collection?

• 53:27Speaker 06

  A crazy little, no, my dad has a shit ton of guitars, but he used to build guitars. It's like they all like.

• 53:32Andrew Santino?

  He built guitars?

• 53:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:33Andrew Santino?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 53:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, this is the, this is, he went to one year of law school, dropped out for seven years to go live the like hippie life that he had come from before. He like hitchhiked across Canada, hitchhiked across the country, across the US.

• 53:47Andrew Santino?

  Your dad's the man.

• 53:48Speaker 06

  He's amazing, he's, he's very, very cool.

• 53:51Andrew Santino?

  Drugs? No drugs.

• 53:52Speaker 06

  Tons of drugs.

• 53:55Speaker 06

  Tons of drugs.

• 53:56Andrew Santino?

  Mom, no drugs, drugs?

• 53:57Speaker 06

  Uh, has tried them all and.

• 53:59Andrew Santino?

  But is ashamed of it?

• 54:00Speaker 06

  No, no, no, was always like, I prefer my brain clear-headed.

• 54:04Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 54:05Speaker 06

  Just like, dropped acid at 15 and was like, okay, cool, I know what that is.

• 54:10Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 54:11Speaker 06

  I'm good without it.

• 54:12Andrew Santino?

  You?

• 54:12Speaker 06

  Love mushrooms.

• 54:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 54:14Speaker 06

  Big into mushrooms. That's kind of the only, I'll like do a lot of the other ones, but.

• 54:18Andrew Santino?

  No booze.

• 54:19Speaker 06

  Uh, I drink, but it fucks my brain so bad.

• 54:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's bad for you. It's poison.

• 54:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 54:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 54:25Speaker 06

  I, it's the next morning, I will, I just lose a day, not to the physical hangover, to sitting there and being like, well, everything is hopeless.

• 54:34Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:35Speaker 06

  Uh, I, I'm not funny enough, I'm not talented enough, I'm not hardworking enough. Uh, I split my focus too much and so nothing gets full attention. I'm too old. If it was gonna happen, it would have happened by now.

• 54:46Andrew Santino?

  Truth serum, baby.

• 54:47Speaker 06

  And I should, like, I should just probably call it.

• 54:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 54:51Speaker 06

  Why, why bother?

• 54:52Andrew Santino?

  Listen to the booze.

• 54:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway.

• 54:56Andrew Santino?

  And then you drink more booze and you feel a little bit better about yourself.

• 54:58Speaker 06

  I can fucking do this.

• 54:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. No, I know it. It's my favorite, it's my favorite of all the things. I mean,

• 55:06Andrew Santino?

  I smoked weed for like twenty years and then out of nowhere just quit. When I was like thirty-four, I was like, I think I'm done smoking weed. And now I will once in a while.

• 55:16Speaker 06

  What was the thing?

• 55:18Andrew Santino?

  I don't even know. I just think I just didn't want to do it anymore. I don't even, I, it's very odd.

• 55:22Speaker 06

  What did you not like about it?

• 55:24Andrew Santino?

  It wasn't.

• 55:25Speaker 06

  What, what did you stop liking about it?

• 55:27Andrew Santino?

  The high wasn't what I wanted anymore. It wasn't like a engaging, creative high. I kind of just, I probably smoked for like six years or seven years more than I should have when I was like, this isn't really benefiting me as much. I loved it at night. I loved it when I was on the road.

• 55:43Speaker 06

  To conk you out.

• 55:44Andrew Santino?

  Just to kind of like disappear by myself a little bit. I love that. And now it's like, no, I guess I should be more present and.

• 55:50Speaker 06

  Now you can use this shit.

• 55:51Andrew Santino?

  Well, this is great too, but I, I'm a not, I'm weird. I don't drink at home and there's nothing but alcohol in my house. But we don't drink at the house. It's only social.

• 56:00Speaker 06

  As a rule or just a, or like that's just a habit?

• 56:03Andrew Santino?

  For me, I never.

• 56:04Speaker 06

  Good.

• 56:04Andrew Santino?

  We only drink when people are here to hang out.

• 56:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:08Andrew Santino?

  And I think that's also my parents. Like, I never saw my parents drink unless we had a party.

• 56:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:12Andrew Santino?

  Or we went out to dinner to have a glass of wine.

• 56:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:15Andrew Santino?

  But like, it's truly a social drug for me.

• 56:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:17Andrew Santino?

  Like, like I have friends who will have one at night when they get home or after work, they'll crack beers, especially in the Midwest guys, they work all day and then they.

• 56:23Speaker 06

  Of course.

• 56:24Andrew Santino?

  That to me is, I'm not interested in that at all.

• 56:27Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:27Andrew Santino?

  If I'm not sharing with someone, it's, it's, I just don't find that engaging.

• 56:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:32Andrew Santino?

  Like, I don't want to go drink by myself. I don't want, like, I don't know.

• 56:36Speaker 06

  I feel really lucky to have dodged all of that. Like, I, I'm, I'm the same, where it's like, I just happen to be able to say no.

• 56:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 56:44Speaker 06

  No, and I don't even mean, I have to think about it and say, like, yeah, I have liquor in my house.

• 56:49Andrew Santino?

  I just don't need it or want it. It just, it, I feel like, cause it feels like it's a treat. You know, so I'm almost like, well, don't have the treat unless it's worth it.

• 56:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:57Andrew Santino?

  It's like how-

• 56:57Speaker 06

  See, no, I'm not that good with other treats.

• 57:00Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 57:00Speaker 06

  I'm like, give me anything.

• 57:02Andrew Santino?

  You'll take it all.

• 57:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, food, sugar, oh, it's my-

• 57:06Andrew Santino?

  What's your, what's your vice, vice?

• 57:10Speaker 06

  If I am in binge mode, I will make, I have made, like, when I have eaten through everything else in my house. I don't look like a person who has issues with binge eating.

• 57:20Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 57:20Speaker 06

  But I, it's crazy.

• 57:21Andrew Santino?

  You're fat inside?

• 57:22Speaker 06

  I'm so fat inside, and I, and I have lost a lot of weight, like, I've lost probably forty pounds since, from-

• 57:27Andrew Santino?

  Forty?

• 57:28Speaker 06

  Five years ago, yeah, yeah.

• 57:28Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 57:29Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 57:29Andrew Santino?

  Were you a big kid?

• 57:31Speaker 06

  I was never thin. I was, I was never fat, fat, but like, I was always chubby.

• 57:36Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 57:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:37Andrew Santino?

  You don't look, you know what's so funny, you know, some people like, look like they might have been?

• 57:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 57:41Andrew Santino?

  You don't have that, it doesn't look like it.

• 57:43Speaker 06

  Great.

• 57:44Andrew Santino?

  But what did you say, band, and what else?

• 57:46Speaker 06

  Band, theater, speech, debate.

• 57:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that lines up.

• 57:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:50Andrew Santino?

  That's a chubby kid's-

• 57:51Speaker 06

  I was a little-

• 57:52Andrew Santino?

  Resume.

• 57:52Speaker 06

  Little pig.

• 57:54Andrew Santino?

  Did you say a little pig?

• 57:55Speaker 06

  A little pig.

• 57:56Andrew Santino?

  A little tiny piglet.

• 57:57Speaker 06

  A little piggy. Um, yeah, my mom used to make me chocolate chip pancakes every single morning.

• 58:02Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 58:03Speaker 06

  Before breakfast, before school.

• 58:04Andrew Santino?

  Your mom is the best.

• 58:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, she rocks.

• 58:06Andrew Santino?

  So your dad was the shit, and your mom was cool?

• 58:08Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm, they're both awesome, I'm very lucky.

• 58:10Andrew Santino?

  Chocolate chip pancakes?

• 58:12Speaker 06

  Yes, little mini, little mini silver dollar chocolate chip pancakes.

• 58:15Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 58:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 58:16Andrew Santino?

  My mom never made breakfast, she worked, so in the morning, it was always like, grab and go.

• 58:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, you figure it out.

• 58:21Andrew Santino?

  And then she would leave like, a couple bucks, uh, to go get something to eat, but I would save the money and steal food from friends. So then I had money for stuff at the end of the week, it was awesome.

• 58:31Speaker 06

  That's great.

• 58:32Andrew Santino?

  Two bucks a day or something, or, yeah.

• 58:33Speaker 06

  It adds up.

• 58:34Andrew Santino?

  I was like, brother, we're rich.

• 58:36Speaker 06

  What, what did your mom think you were gonna buy with two bucks a day?

• 58:39Andrew Santino?

  Probably like a, in her mind, I bet it was like.

• 58:42Speaker 06

  A granola bar or something?

• 58:43Andrew Santino?

  Well, you could buy like fries for a dollar.

• 58:46Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 58:47Andrew Santino?

  And a, and a.

• 58:48Speaker 06

  Slice of pizza for a dollar.

• 58:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it was just like, kids don't, now I see fucking kids at like, Erawan, like a sixteen year old eating a fifty dollar lunch and you're like, that's fucking crazy.

• 59:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:01Andrew Santino?

  Like, for me, it was like.

• 59:03Speaker 06

  That's why, that's the impact of raising kids in LA.

• 59:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's fucked. It's so fucked.

• 59:08Speaker 06

  Kids in the Midwest are paying more money for pizza and fries, but they are still just eating pizza and fries.

• 59:13Andrew Santino?

  Pizza and fries.

• 59:13Speaker 06

  Like, they don't know that Erawan exists. They've never heard of a, of a green smoothie. They don't, you know, like, they're not.

• 59:18Andrew Santino?

  They don't need it.

• 59:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:19Andrew Santino?

  But also, New York has that too. Like Manhattan, kids that grew up in the city there, it's like, that's a.

• 59:23Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 59:23Andrew Santino?

  Such a ripoff place. These, these are just ripoff places, so they just breed a culture of like, getting ripped off is normalized. So like, even now, I know, like, last night, we went out to dinner with another couple. And like, it's a fucking repulsive ripoff, the restaurant, but you're like, well, that's, I guess.

• 59:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:39Andrew Santino?

  We decided to go out.

• 59:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:40Andrew Santino?

  What are you gonna do?

• 59:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:41Andrew Santino?

  But yeah, I think as a kid, it was like, you just, you just, a couple of bucks is what you should have spent money. It, it's like, oh, you can't afford that? Too bad. Here, the culture is like, but I need it.

• 59:52Speaker 06

  Yeah. And here, and, and the culture is like, I don't know, put it on a credit card and figure it out later.

• 59:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's, yeah. I see kids with credit cards. I see kids with like, platinum Amexes at restaurants. A child.

• 1:00:02Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:03Andrew Santino?

  A child, and you're like, what the fuck is?

• 1:00:05Speaker 06

  And that kid is gonna grow up to be a bad person.

• 1:00:07Andrew Santino?

  I'll probably end up working for them in a couple of years. Yeah, that's gonna be my boss.

• 1:00:09Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:10Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're in Hollywood, buddy.

• 1:00:11Speaker 06

  I was gonna say, you won't. If you're going, that's only if you go back in Hollywood.

• 1:00:14Andrew Santino?

  You're in.

• 1:00:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta work for the little kid.

• 1:00:16Andrew Santino?

  What's your big dream, then?

• 1:00:18Speaker 06

  I would love to make, my, to make TV and movies, really.

• 1:00:24Andrew Santino?

  Write, write and star in your own shit?

• 1:00:26Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:27Speaker 06

  I would love to.

• 1:00:28Andrew Santino?

  That's the dream.

• 1:00:28Speaker 06

  I would love to. And I, and it took me a long time to figure that out.

• 1:00:32Andrew Santino?

  What, no, yeah, you're, you're in it.

• 1:00:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. I don't, I, I don't believe in that only because I feel like all of my heroes when I was a kid, really, the, the most prominent ones, didn't really pop until they were older.

• 1:00:46Speaker 06

  It's, it's, as long as that is still possible for a woman acting.

• 1:00:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it is.

• 1:00:53Speaker 06

  Then I'm like, great.

• 1:00:55Andrew Santino?

  It's gotta be.

• 1:00:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:56Andrew Santino?

  I, it's gotta be, because. Times are, now Hollywood is a young person's game, for sure.

• 1:01:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:02Andrew Santino?

  But, there's room for experience and room for wisdom, and I think that will never go away.

• 1:01:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:09Andrew Santino?

  You know, I don't, I don't think that'll ever change, but, yeah, it's undoubtedly, when I watch, I don't watch anything anymore.

• 1:01:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:14Andrew Santino?

  Cause I don't want to.

• 1:01:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:16Andrew Santino?

  And everything I see that does pop up, I'm always like, yeah, it's like a young person's show, or it's a new, like the I Love L.A. show. I Love L.A. is that's what's, you know, like immediately, like I saw that, and that's no knock on them, but like, I'm remarkably uninterested in that, but that's all, I have no connective tissue to that.

• 1:01:32Speaker 06

  Mm-mm.

• 1:01:32Andrew Santino?

  It's like young being young and cool in L.A.

• 1:01:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:34Andrew Santino?

  I feel like even watching it.

• 1:01:35Speaker 06

  And you are old, being old and uncool.

• 1:01:37Andrew Santino?

  Thank you.

• 1:01:37Speaker 06

  But you are in L.A.

• 1:01:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'm near it.

• 1:01:40Speaker 06

  Do you love it?

• 1:01:40Andrew Santino?

  We're in the valley.

• 1:01:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, that's all right.

• 1:01:43Andrew Santino?

  We're like in our own little.

• 1:01:43Speaker 06

  You really got nothing.

• 1:01:44Andrew Santino?

  No, brother, this is, we're, I'm in Jersey Plus, that's what this is, this is Jersey Plus.

• 1:01:48Speaker 06

  You take the path.

• 1:01:49Andrew Santino?

  I like L.A. just fine, I mean, I'd, if I could.

• 1:01:51Speaker 06

  That's the, that's the, the sequel to I Love L.A.

• 1:01:54Andrew Santino?

  I like L.A. just fine.

• 1:01:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:56Andrew Santino?

  That's the real L.A., they're showing, that show, there's no way that show is showing like the real fucking gut of L.A.

• 1:02:04Speaker 06

  Well, that show is showing.

• 1:02:05Andrew Santino?

  Cool Kids. Showing the east side.

• 1:02:06Speaker 06

  Cool Kids.

• 1:02:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, fuck that.

• 1:02:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:08Andrew Santino?

  You know what real L.A. is, dude? Real L.A.? Real L.A. is deep in the valley. Up here, this is it, the old Italian restaurants, these old little like, tiny shops, you know, that we went to the balloon guy this morning to get my, my buddy's kid a balloon. He loves balloons and every time we're out there, so we went to the balloon shop, and the balloon shop is maybe from the sixties, and it's never been cleaned once, it's horrifically filthy, and like, it's, it's a hazard, for sure, should be closed down.

• 1:02:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:37Andrew Santino?

  And stuff is on the, you know, he's got like shelves that are about to fall.

• 1:02:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, there is asbestos, when the shelves fall, that guy's gonna die of asbestos poisoning, so is everybody else.

• 1:02:46Andrew Santino?

  Open.

• 1:02:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:47Andrew Santino?

  To feel like human.

• 1:02:48Speaker 06

  I mean, the real L.A. feels like it is still from nineteen fifty to nineteen seventy-five, and like, nothing, like it is frozen in time.

• 1:02:56Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent. Go deep into Burbank, and that is the greatest. Smokehouse. Smokehouse, one of the best restaurants, it's just these places feel they are frozen in time, but you need that.

• 1:03:05Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:03:06Andrew Santino?

  Like, I don't want the infusion of new shit, it just takes away from the beauty of, look, this is all going away anyway. Just leave it alone for a little bit longer, you know what I mean, like, don't touch it for a little bit.

• 1:03:16Speaker 06

  We're gonna fall into the ocean, just let it be.

• 1:03:17Andrew Santino?

  Just let it be, just leave it for, let the balloon guy have his bullshit shop.

• 1:03:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:21Andrew Santino?

  Cause he's funny, and he makes jokes, and he blows up the balloons.

• 1:03:24Speaker 06

  I, so I live in Ridgewood and I walked two blocks to, I had to get something printed. I was like blowing up a joke poster for my boyfriend for Christmas. And I walked to a print shop.

• 1:03:34Andrew Santino?

  Rad gift, by the way.

• 1:03:35Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 1:03:35Andrew Santino?

  That's cool.

• 1:03:36Speaker 06

  I, I photoshopped him on, his face onto his favorite movie poster and like wrote some joke.

• 1:03:41Andrew Santino?

  That's cool. What's the movie?

• 1:03:44Speaker 06

  Uh, Falling Down with.

• 1:03:45Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah. It's a great movie.

• 1:03:48Speaker 06

  Mmm, starts with an M. Anyway, I can't remember what his name is.

• 1:03:50Andrew Santino?

  No, it's a great fucking movie.

• 1:03:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:52Andrew Santino?

  With Michael Douglas?

• 1:03:53Speaker 06

  Michael Douglas. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

• 1:03:55Andrew Santino?

  It's a great movie. You photo, you photoshopped him on the Falling Down?

• 1:03:58Speaker 06

  Stuart onto the Falling Down.

• 1:03:59Andrew Santino?

  That's great.

• 1:04:00Speaker 06

  Poster. Uh, and I made some fake tagline. Uh, and I print, I wanted to get it like blown up and framed. And so I went to a print shop and walked two, two blocks into like the heart of Ridgewood.

• 1:04:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:12Speaker 06

  Which is still, which, you know, feels like it's out of the thirties. Yeah. And this guy, this old Italian guy who runs this print shop. And I started talking and it was like taking for, you know, it's like, it goes slow.

• 1:04:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:26Speaker 06

  Because they live fifty years ago.

• 1:04:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:29Speaker 06

  And so we wound up talking and it turns out that he knows Chris Di Stefano and his whole family.

• 1:04:34Andrew Santino?

  Everybody knows Chris Di Stefano.

• 1:04:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess maybe that's, maybe, I actually maybe had a very normal experience. I did not have a spectacular experience whatsoever. But it was like, you know, it's just feels so like, oh, yeah.

• 1:04:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, who Di Stefano? I love that kid. That kid little real fucking snot rag. He used to come around here when he was a little boy. He shit all over his face a little fucking, remember, remember when Di Stefano? His wife in the back, what?

• 1:05:01Speaker 06

  Who?

• 1:05:02Andrew Santino?

  No, no, shut up. She, I got a customer. Yeah, those worlds, if they go away, if it's just someone at a cash register asking for twenty-five percent for pouring a coffee and a yoga studio combined, it becomes like this.

• 1:05:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:16Andrew Santino?

  Everything's meaningless.

• 1:05:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:18Andrew Santino?

  That's why I think, uh, I'm doing it. We're opening a bar here. I'm gonna open a Chicago bar here, an old school Chicago bar. I'm gonna try.

• 1:05:26Speaker 06

  Great.

• 1:05:27Andrew Santino?

  I'm certainly gonna try. I want to.

• 1:05:29Speaker 06

  Great.

• 1:05:29Andrew Santino?

  I want something old and gross and dirty and fun and nasty.

• 1:05:32Speaker 06

  Do you want, are you looking for places that are going, that like look like that already?

• 1:05:37Andrew Santino?

  You kinda gotta take over something that maybe had a liquor license before, so it's easier to operate. You want someone that's failing. There's one around the corner from here that's failing. They had a GoFundMe. To keep them open.

• 1:05:48Speaker 06

  This fucking vulture circling.

• 1:05:50Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you gotta.

• 1:05:51Speaker 06

  Waiting for it to die.

• 1:05:55Speaker 06

  Just, you know, like you picture, you're an animal on the savanna and you're sort of walking your last few steps and you just see Andrew Santino running a circle around you.

• 1:06:05Andrew Santino?

  I go outside of the bar at night.

• 1:06:08Andrew Santino?

  Waiting for them to fold.

• 1:06:09Speaker 06

  A sign your small business is failing. Andrew Santino starts cawing outside of your door.

• 1:06:16Andrew Santino?

  And they're inside cleaning a glass like, maybe it's time to close. I would like that.

• 1:06:21Speaker 06

  We've lived a good life.

• 1:06:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I would like something like that. Something that keeps me grounded in LA a little bit. Because otherwise I am gonna say goodbye after all the shows are done, if the pods kind of go away. And at some point, then I'm gonna be like, I gotta get out of here.

• 1:06:34Speaker 06

  That's fun. You're planning, you're planning for the eventual failure of our industry.

• 1:06:38Andrew Santino?

  I'm hitting the eject button.

• 1:06:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:39Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't, not to fail, it's just a...

• 1:06:42Speaker 06

  I mean, the eventual, like, I don't mean that pessimistically. I mean, like, realistically.

• 1:06:46Andrew Santino?

  Well, I feel like I just would want the next stage in life or whatever that is, you know? And I don't, who knows?

• 1:06:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:50Andrew Santino?

  You're just getting in, dude.

• 1:06:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:52Andrew Santino?

  You just, the water is so warm for you.

• 1:06:54Speaker 06

  Oh, and it's warming up.

• 1:06:56Andrew Santino?

  You know what I am? I'm in the hotel when they turned off the hot tub at a certain hour and it's slowly starting to cool down. And I'm like, can you just turn it back on? And the guy's like, brother, we stop at 11, man, I'm so sorry. And I have to sit in it.

• 1:07:06Speaker 06

  You keep trying to push to turn the jets back on and they're like, we unplugged it.

• 1:07:10Andrew Santino?

  Won't click over.

• 1:07:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:11Andrew Santino?

  And I'm just sitting in there and it's now, it's only like 74 degrees. I'm like, it's still warmish, but I gotta get out of here eventually. But it's cold outside, so I just don't want to do it.

• 1:07:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 1:07:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's about to be, it's, it's not good here, but it's way worse out there.

• 1:07:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, exactly. So I'm just sitting in it. Well, I hope all your dreams come true.

• 1:07:29Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 1:07:30Andrew Santino?

  You're very talented and wonderful and I hope America sees not just your movie, but your, your live show, your touring.

• 1:07:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, Just Taped is special and that'll come out at some point.

• 1:07:42Andrew Santino?

  When?

• 1:07:42Speaker 06

  We'll shop it. We're, we're gonna shop it a little bit and then...

• 1:07:45Andrew Santino?

  Hello Netflix.

• 1:07:46Speaker 06

  Figure it out. Hey, you, you call them.

• 1:07:49Andrew Santino?

  You call them. I can't, I can't call them anymore.

• 1:07:51Speaker 06

  What the hell?

• 1:07:52Andrew Santino?

  I have a restraining order from going over there. Because I should stand outside.

• 1:07:58Andrew Santino?

  Butum.

• 1:08:00Speaker 06

  The only days that their stock drops.

• 1:08:01Andrew Santino?

  They better, uh, well, somebody better pick it up. Do you have a name for it?

• 1:08:05Speaker 06

  The working title right now is dibs.

• 1:08:08Andrew Santino?

  Dibs?

• 1:08:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:08:08Andrew Santino?

  Great, fantastic. Quick, easy, I get it, dude. I got dibs on that.

• 1:08:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:08:12Andrew Santino?

  Uh, are you on tour? Do you want to plug tours?

• 1:08:14Speaker 06

  I am on tour. I would love to plug tour. Um...

• 1:08:16Andrew Santino?

  Well, this comes out not right away, but just give them the idea of where you're going.

• 1:08:20Speaker 06

  Great. Uh, I'm going to DC, Philly, Burlington, Fargo.

• 1:08:25Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, Fargo!

• 1:08:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. That was not a Fargo accent.

• 1:08:29Andrew Santino?

  No, that was Boston. But it is fun to say Fargo in a Boston accent. Fargo.

• 1:08:34Speaker 06

  Yeah. Hey, park your car in Fargo.

• 1:08:36Andrew Santino?

  Park your car in Fargo. No, you're going to Fargo.

• 1:08:38Speaker 06

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:08:38Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Fargo.

• 1:08:39Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:39Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, Fargo.

• 1:08:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, going up to Fargo. So I'll, I'll fly into Minnesota and then I'll, I'll pick up my car at my mom's house and then I'll just drive the five hours north.

• 1:08:47Andrew Santino?

  Skinnyapolis over to Fargo.

• 1:08:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:49Speaker 07

  You're playing Atsigo?

• 1:08:50Andrew Santino?

  Atsigo!

• 1:08:51Speaker 07

  That's literally where I'm from.

• 1:08:52Andrew Santino?

  That's where he's from.

• 1:08:53Speaker 06

  You know what's funny? That I just backed out of that show in a way that they are very mad at.

• 1:08:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're not doing it.

• 1:08:58Speaker 07

  Why would you play it? They, we don't, I had to go to a different town to go to middle school and high school. It's not even big enough for a middle school or a high school.

• 1:09:03Andrew Santino?

  Well, you know what? That's why she's not fucking doing it.

• 1:09:05Speaker 07

  Dude, that's insane. What the fuck?

• 1:09:07Speaker 06

  I don't think I can swing that.

• 1:09:08Andrew Santino?

  But she will be in Fargo.

• 1:09:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:09:10Andrew Santino?

  So go see her.

• 1:09:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, everything, chloeradcliffe.com.

• 1:09:13Andrew Santino?

  chloeradcliffe.com.

• 1:09:15Speaker 06

  Or at Chloé Badcliff on all socials.

• 1:09:17Andrew Santino?

  So stupid. How old are you?

• 1:09:19Speaker 06

  Uh, 35? Very young. 18 and a half?

• 1:09:21Andrew Santino?

  Very young. Fresh out of high school, Chloe Radcliffe.

• 1:09:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:24Andrew Santino?

  Please go see her on tour. So funny. We end the show the same way. You look into that camera right there and you say one word or one phrase to end the episode. Uh, some people have a, a, a phrase of wisdom, of a quote. Uh, some people just want to say one word, but either way, you end the episode your way.

• 1:09:41Speaker 06

  One word. Meeting in a bathroom.

• 1:09:46Speaker 03

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:09:52Speaker 04

  Ooh, that creature in the ginger beard!

• 1:09:54Speaker 05

  Sturdy and ginger.

• 1:09:55Speaker 04

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:09:58Speaker 05

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse. Ginger? Oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

• 1:10:13Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 1:10:42Speaker 01

  Now at Kroger, your points add up to more ways to save every trip. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. You can even save up to $35 on your next fill-up. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh, quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, your dollar goes further. Redeem your points online or in the app. Kroger: Fresh for everyone. Restrictions apply. See site or store for details.