#204 - Sarah Sherman

Sarah Sherman returns to the pod for a special Halloween spooktacular to discuss her Halloween crushes, the shoddy Stavvy's World in-studio special effects, her plot to rebrand as Sarah Normal, getting upstaged by queefing at the Gathering of the Juggalos, the legendary time she met Keanu Reeves, booking gigs because she's appeared on the pod, and much more. Sarah and Stav help callers including a man whose friend and business partner posts political comments from the Instagram account of the haunted house they run together, and a 17-year-old who's wondering if he's too old to go trick-or-treating. See Sarah Sherman live and follow her on social media: https://www.sarahsquirm.com/ https://www.instagram.com/sarahsquirm/ https://www.tiktok.com/@sarahsquirm https://twitter.com/SarahSquirm Thanks to our sponsors! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎤 Watch Uncle Stav on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929 ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld 🎟️ See Stavvy live!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Welcome to the 50th Hunger Games.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  Witness the beginning of the revolution. Hey Mitch, you've been trying to take down these games from Star. Filmed for IMAX. Make them remember you. The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping, November 20th, rated PG-13.

• 0:15Speaker 02

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper 7-Up Inc.

• 0:40Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, what the hell? Oh, hello, everybody, and welcome to a spooky edition of Stop His World. 904-800-STOP. Call the visible hotline. We'll solve all your problems. Okay, maybe that's enough, Eldis, you fucking idiot. Maybe that's too much.

• 1:10Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome to the Halloween edition of Stop His World. We have with us, wait, what the hell? Who the hell is this?

• 1:18Speaker 04

  I can explain.

• 1:22Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, Sarah Sherman? Why do I respect you? Why, why am I nervous around you all of a sudden?

• 1:28Speaker 04

  It's, I'm not Sarah Sherman, I'm Sarah Normal.

• 1:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you're Sarah Normal. We don't have Sarah Square. It's a very special Halloween episode. Our guest is Sarah Normal.

• 1:39Speaker 04

  What if she had a normal relationship with her father growing up?

• 1:45Speaker 04

  What if she wasn't Jewish?

• 1:47Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, you know how many Long Island Jewish girls have that hair?

• 1:51Speaker 04

  And I'm wearing the juicy, this was the juicy tracksuit that my mom wouldn't get me when I was 13.

• 1:57Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:57Speaker 04

  So I got it for myself.

• 1:59Stavros Halkias?

  Well, your mom, you think if your mom got you that tracksuit, you would be normal?

• 2:02Speaker 04

  Something, something should have happened to fix it.

• 2:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, because wanting the juicy tracksuit is very Sarah Normal.

• 2:10Speaker 04

  Right, but I wa, I did want it.

• 2:12Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe that was the moment, that was when the paths diverged.

• 2:15Speaker 04

  I wanted a juicy tracksuit, I wanted a neon aqua, okay, well that.

• 2:20Stavros Halkias?

  The Wolfman, of course.

• 2:21Speaker 04

  Well, that.

• 2:21Stavros Halkias?

  We have the Wolfman here. Ooh.

• 2:27Stavros Halkias?

  He will, he will maybe be on camera 90 seconds, but he will be wearing the mask all episode. Wolfman, how are you doing? You're finally in your, you're finally in your natural look.

• 2:41Speaker 05

  I don't even know where my bike is.

• 2:43Speaker 06

  I got you, buddy, it's okay.

• 2:44Stavros Halkias?

  Is it even on camera?

• 2:45Speaker 05

  In my natural look, I can't see shit.

• 2:49Stavros Halkias?

  We have the Wolfman, and then, of course, Eldis and I are dressed like Sarah Sherman.

• 2:53Speaker 04

  Right.

• 2:54Stavros Halkias?

  Me and Eldis, me and Eldis are both Sarah Sherman of SNL for Halloween. And we kind of nailed it.

• 3:01Speaker 04

  You did, and I was, I didn't want you to tie your hair up. I wanted your hair coming out.

• 3:06Stavros Halkias?

  You wanted a little mullet.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, because then you really would have looked like me if you had your mullet out.

• 3:10Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, for the live calls, we'll go, well, I'll go mullet for the live calls.

• 3:13Speaker 04

  He was really, do you remember how insistent he was on like making sure his hair was tucked up into the wig?

• 3:19Stavros Halkias?

  I wasn't insistent.

• 3:20Speaker 04

  You were, it's like you really wanted to keep the.

• 3:23Speaker 06

  I was kind of insistent too, I'm all for it.

• 3:25Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis is more insistent than me, I thought we might as well.

• 3:28Speaker 04

  You guys love dressing up in costumes.

• 3:31Stavros Halkias?

  As we discussed before, we're showmen. We put on a real, we don't, we're not on some bullshit little show, little rinky-dink show called SNL. We make real entertainment.

• 3:41Speaker 04

  Oh, there was nothing rinky-dink about the bats coming down from the ceiling.

• 3:45Stavros Halkias?

  Show fucking Sarah what kind of operation we run here, let her know again. Whoa, oh, wait, did it stop? Whoa, god damn it.

• 3:58Stavros Halkias?

  Can you pull him back up at least?

• 4:00Speaker 04

  You know what, I would love, I would love to have a reason to sue Stop. I would love to milk you for $150,000 because I got a bat in my eye.

• 4:14Stavros Halkias?

  All right, whatever, and that, wait, why is the skeleton's arm stuck like that? Thank God it's not straight.

• 4:20Speaker 04

  It is, though, that, you can do a bat arm heil.

• 4:24Stavros Halkias?

  No, you think so?

• 4:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think it's still, can be.

• 4:27Stavros Halkias?

  You know what, I will say from watching World War II movies.

• 4:31Speaker 04

  From watching, oh.

• 4:33Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, all right, for our listeners, I was trying to make a point about how professional we are here.

• 4:40Stavros Halkias?

  And literally, every decoration has failed. In one second.

• 4:48Speaker 06

  Do we have scissors, we should just cut those?

• 4:49Stavros Halkias?

  All right, all right, it's over, it's over.

• 4:52Speaker 04

  You can leave them, it's fun.

• 4:54Stavros Halkias?

  No, no.

• 4:54Speaker 06

  It's okay, that was their main cue.

• 4:56Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, great.

• 4:57Speaker 04

  They got their main, well, sitting.

• 4:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the Wolfman's gonna sniff them.

• 5:00Speaker 04

  No, no, no, I like it.

• 5:04Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 5:07Speaker 04

  Thank you, well, I forgot, Sarah Normal is a.

• 5:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Sarah Normal hates bats.

• 5:14Speaker 04

  Well, I said, we swapped, you're in a clown suit and I'm in a velour tracksuit.

• 5:17Stavros Halkias?

  That is true, that is true, you have beautiful long hair like I normally do.

• 5:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly, exactly, and you sat me next to a skeleton to give me body dysmorphia tonight.

• 5:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the skeleton's so much hotter than you.

• 5:29Speaker 04

  You think she's skinnier than me, you should say it. She looks younger than me, too.

• 5:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny to keep where, skinny is, I feel like that was a 90s thing to worry about.

• 5:37Speaker 04

  Oh, it's back.

• 5:38Stavros Halkias?

  Is skinny back?

• 5:38Speaker 04

  It's, is skinny back?

• 5:40Stavros Halkias?

  I thought big juicy titties were the rage.

• 5:43Speaker 04

  Stop, that's, that's the rage, that's just what you were looking for. Skinny is so back, skinny's never been more back. What are you talking about, everybody's on GLP, everything.

• 5:54Stavros Halkias?

  Isn't it, oh, I guess you're right, I did meet somebody who's like, who got skinny as hell on GLP's, and they were not fat at all.

• 6:02Speaker 04

  No, but that, everybody's on it, you don't even have to be fat to be on it.

• 6:05Stavros Halkias?

  You should be fat to be on it, they're taking our medicines?

• 6:08Speaker 04

  They're taking your medicine.

• 6:09Stavros Halkias?

  This is so messed up.

• 6:10Speaker 04

  They're, what is it, they're making us medicine to make us sick?

• 6:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They, they make the cure illegal.

• 6:18Speaker 04

  To make the.

• 6:20Speaker 06

  They give you the sickness and give you the cure, whatever.

• 6:22Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 6:24Speaker 06

  And sell you the cure?

• 6:25Stavros Halkias?

  They sell you the cure, they make the, they make the remedies illegal.

• 6:30Speaker 06

  I don't even know that quote, I just guessed.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  Well, sorry, but I'm not, my brain's not functioning at a high enough level because I'm blonde today.

• 6:41Stavros Halkias?

  Do you think, okay, back to our discussion, do you think it was a fork in the road moment where if you had gotten juicy? What have you got in juicy's tracksuit?

• 6:50Speaker 04

  I, I wanted a, I wanted a aquamarine, neon aquamarine juicy tracksuit, and I wanted a charm bracelet.

• 6:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:56Speaker 04

  But my parents wouldn't buy me anything I wanted because they thought if I gave me, if they, they thought if I, they bought me stuff, it would make me a bad person.

• 7:03Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 7:04Speaker 04

  So they never, like, you know, all the girls growing up had like American Girl dolls and had like American Girl doll birthday parties, and my parents were like, I'm not buying you a $100 doll, that's disgusting. And so they wouldn't even let me go to anyone's birthday party at the American Girl doll place.

• 7:17Stavros Halkias?

  They wouldn't even let you in the building?

• 7:19Speaker 04

  No, and then every, like, and then for, for Hanukkah, because it's eight nights, you know, you would think, like, we would be, you know, Jews get very gluttonous during that period, they just get like eight nights of presents. But I got, I remember one year, every night of Hanukkah, it was pencil, pencil, pencil, and then the last night was pencil case.

• 7:39Stavros Halkias?

  Well, what you, what they should have done to give you the doll, dismember the doll.

• 7:43Speaker 04

  Right.

• 7:44Stavros Halkias?

  Give you a different.

• 7:44Speaker 04

  My dad did give me a dismembered doll.

• 7:46Stavros Halkias?

  Really? Every night, you should get another, the leg, you get the hand.

• 7:50Speaker 04

  That is, yeah.

• 7:51Stavros Halkias?

  That would have been good.

• 7:52Speaker 04

  And it would have taught you how to, like, a building.

• 7:54Stavros Halkias?

  How to build, yes, it would have given you real world skills.

• 7:57Speaker 04

  Right, and then I would have been a doctor, a doctor.

• 8:00Stavros Halkias?

  You would have been a doctor, Frankenstein.

• 8:03Speaker 04

  No, my dad got me, my dad got addicted to, oh my God, what is the website? It's like an auction, it's not Craigslist, it's not eBay.

• 8:14Stavros Halkias?

  Backpage.

• 8:17Speaker 04

  Ashley.

• 8:18Stavros Halkias?

  Your dad, your dad was addicted to Ashley Madison.com.

• 8:23Speaker 04

  It was a woman's name, beautiful woman's name, I'm kind of looking like it, I'm serving Ashley Madison.

• 8:27Stavros Halkias?

  You are, you, you would be the toast of Ashley Madison right now.

• 8:30Speaker 04

  I even wore a push-up bra for you.

• 8:31Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow, really?

• 8:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:34Stavros Halkias?

  Push-up.

• 8:38Stavros Halkias?

  I thought you taped them down.

• 8:42Speaker 04

  You thought I chest bound, like you won. This is me trying.

• 8:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 8:47Speaker 04

  This is me trying, he got me my dad, well, no, go on, go on.

• 8:50Stavros Halkias?

  I said you look incredible.

• 8:51Speaker 04

  Right.

• 8:52Stavros Halkias?

  You should dress like this every day.

• 8:53Speaker 04

  You guys saw that, right? Is there, do you guys have HR at Stop?

• 8:57Stavros Halkias?

  It's Eldis.

• 8:58Speaker 04

  No.

• 8:59Speaker 06

  Sorry, baby, no one will ever believe that.

• 9:03Speaker 06

  Back to work.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  Work, I'm not getting paid for this.

• 9:08Stavros Halkias?

  You're getting paid 725 minimum wage.

• 9:13Speaker 04

  Honey, I don't care about a wage gap as long as I have a thigh gap.

• 9:17Stavros Halkias?

  She's already working on her next hour, folks.

• 9:20Speaker 04

  Folks, folks, Sarah Normal, I am working on a Sarah Normal hour.

• 9:23Stavros Halkias?

  That would be, honestly?

• 9:24Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 9:25Stavros Halkias?

  It's gonna be hilarious when that takes off.

• 9:27Speaker 04

  Oh, I, I, that, you, Sarah Normal will be the biggest, if you just do like warmed over Twitter jokes. Yes.

• 9:34Stavros Halkias?

  If you do, if he wanted to, he would style comedy.

• 9:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, that is what it is.

• 9:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:39Speaker 04

  I'm doing, right now, I have, you know me, it's taken me six months to do 20 minutes, no problem, no problem.

• 9:45Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 9:46Speaker 04

  But what do I got?

• 9:47Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you're busy, you're in the background of, you know, when Marcelo's doing something funny.

• 9:51Speaker 04

  Right.

• 9:51Stavros Halkias?

  You're in the background.

• 9:52Speaker 04

  Well, actually, Marcelo, I have a bone to pick with you. I've been writing me into sketches lately, maybe it's because I pull focus because I'm so stunning in a way.

• 10:01Speaker 04

  Marcelo, I don't know if you guys have been watching this season, but I am turning it out with a woman going, hey, what's going on, you're acting weird?

• 10:11Stavros Halkias?

  We've, we've, we're a little behind, we'll catch up on the, we'll catch up on the rerun.

• 10:15Speaker 04

  Well, you guys have missed me as, let me see.

• 10:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 10:20Speaker 04

  Can't really, nothing's coming to mind.

• 10:25Speaker 04

  This is actually.

• 10:26Stavros Halkias?

  Any desk feet, are you an animal on the desk this year?

• 10:28Speaker 04

  Well, I was a, I was a woman with long hair.

• 10:31Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 10:31Speaker 04

  Okay, okay, are we listening? And a push-up bra and a necklace, and I think it was record low YouTube views for any SNL.

• 10:41Speaker 04

  Sketch ever.

• 10:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  I think there was like, I think I saw the number go down.

• 10:48Stavros Halkias?

  They put up a sketch from like the year Lauren left where it was like weirdly like Robert Downey Jr. And like, and like a Julia Louis-Dreyfus and that did way better.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  Oh my God. It was, it was like, and then I was like, I said to someone, I was like, maybe people didn't like recognize that it was like me.

• 11:04Stavros Halkias?

  Can you rename it and put, in parentheses, Sarah Sherman?

• 11:08Speaker 04

  Yeah. Can you rename it and put it maybe just like porn?

• 11:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:11Speaker 04

  People would look at it. Is that how, if you guys named this episode porn, would it get more?

• 11:16Stavros Halkias?

  It would do less, actually. You gotta go right up to the line.

• 11:19Speaker 04

  Oh, so simulated sex.

• 11:23Stavros Halkias?

  No, maybe we could say something about push-up bra, parentheses, real.

• 11:28Speaker 04

  It's so, it's so padded that I don't even feel this much. And I have very sensitive breasts. That's how padded it is. And it feels good. I feel like I'm getting more respect.

• 11:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I would say that. I respect you more.

• 11:42Speaker 04

  Thank you. Seronormal Activity coming to a.

• 11:44Stavros Halkias?

  Seronormal Activity is incredible.

• 11:47Speaker 04

  I know. That's what I want to do. Well.

• 11:49Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, this is good. That's actually a good idea.

• 11:51Speaker 04

  Right? It'll be good? Okay. I got 20 minutes. We want to hear one. I can tell you one of the jokes that I've already had to phase out.

• 11:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  Okay, so I'm like, oh, I named my, my daughter Cyclaspora. It's the name for a woman who makes you weak at the knees and loosen the bowels.

• 12:06Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 12:08Speaker 04

  Awesome. So it's great.

• 12:10Stavros Halkias?

  So I wouldn't go with that stuff. I would do more like, instead of actual jokes, I would do parodies of bad girl comedy.

• 12:17Speaker 04

  I know. Yeah, but the problem is it's too fun to write jokes. You know what I'm saying?

• 12:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:22Speaker 04

  So that, that's, that's, that's what I'm like, the trap that I'm in right now.

• 12:26Stavros Halkias?

  It's gotta be a mix. We'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll touch base afterwards. I want to be, I want to EP credit on Seronormal Activities.

• 12:33Speaker 04

  Okay, I'm gonna name $200,000 in.

• 12:38Stavros Halkias?

  Let's negotiate off mic.

• 12:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:40Stavros Halkias?

  I see you're doing a thousand dollars. I raise you $200.

• 12:44Speaker 04

  I'll take it. I'm starving.

• 12:47Stavros Halkias?

  Um, okay, you're not allowed to go to the American Girl doll.

• 12:50Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, but my dad, he got addicted to this like auction website. And you know, like, you know, when people are like, oh, you like weird crap. Like, everybody gets you. I'm sure people get, are you ever offended by the presence people get you?

• 13:01Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, right, right. Like, they just give you the thing they most, it's like the immediate association with you and a worse version of like, like when some, like if somebody gets me a tracksuit.

• 13:12Speaker 04

  Right.

• 13:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's always gonna be a shittier tracksuit. I have done so much research on tracksuits.

• 13:17Speaker 04

  Right.

• 13:17Stavros Halkias?

  Don't get me one. If someone gets you, for example, this, this I took from your closet.

• 13:21Speaker 04

  And they have.

• 13:23Speaker 04

  And I'm like, what am I putting out there that makes people think that I want that?

• 13:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:27Speaker 04

  Right. Why aren't you, oh, I'm asking for it? Like, I get, you know, whatever. But my dad saw, God bless him, he saw, it was being advertised on this auction website as like a sculpture. And it was like a chopped up baby doll with like blood and intestines coming out. And boogers coming out of the nose. Yeah. And he drove like all the way to somewhere in New Jersey to pick it up. I know.

• 13:50Stavros Halkias?

  That actually, that is a good gift for you.

• 13:51Speaker 04

  It's awesome. My dad, my dad, like he, you know, he, he gets, he's like an old Jewish guy from Long Island. So he's like addicted to deals. So he saw someone was selling like.

• 13:59Stavros Halkias?

  He must love haggling.

• 14:00Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. And, and if it's like haggling for like me, he got me, you know, waxy packages.

• 14:05Stavros Halkias?

  My daughter.

• 14:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:07Stavros Halkias?

  Plus haggling. I mean, immigrants love haggling too. Like, to the point, you either go, one of my friends, because his dad loves haggling, it was the only time he ever saw his dad be a man. Was when he like haggled. And I had the opposite where it was like, I would be so embarrassed to like be there like, cause and, and my mom was literally trying to make us have money.

• 14:27Speaker 04

  Right.

• 14:28Stavros Halkias?

  Right? But in my mind, I'm like, mom, stop being fucking annoying.

• 14:31Speaker 04

  You're being cheap. You're being cheap.

• 14:32Stavros Halkias?

  And so like, I, I to this day have a problem haggling, unless it's business stuff, then I love it. But like, you know.

• 14:40Speaker 04

  Well, you like being menschy. You don't like, you don't want to come across as being cheap.

• 14:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I hate, yeah, exactly. Yes, I don't want to be cheap.

• 14:46Speaker 04

  I was actually thinking, have you noticed, have you noticed in our generation, here I go.

• 14:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, go crazy.

• 14:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, here I go. Everyone, everyone like self-identifies as like non-confrontational nowadays. Like, it's like a point of pride. Like, it's like some.

• 14:59Stavros Halkias?

  Which is just being a coward.

• 15:00Speaker 04

  Right.

• 15:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  But I do think, I actually identify as very, very confrontational to a fault. Like, I feel like I'm always looking for a fight.

• 15:07Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 15:08Speaker 04

  And I do think it's because I was raised by like wandering, haggling Jews.

• 15:15Speaker 04

  Cause like Jews, Jews are wandering in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights. They're out there.

• 15:19Stavros Halkias?

  It was way longer than that. It was 40 years. 400?

• 15:22Speaker 04

  Right. It was 40.

• 15:24Stavros Halkias?

  40. 400 is too long. Even though back then, they say they lived a thousand years or whatever. But I think it was 40. Classically, the story is, they're, they're trying to get to the land of milk and honey for 40 years.

• 15:35Speaker 04

  And then they parted the sea and.

• 15:36Stavros Halkias?

  Imagine being nine and then you're fucking 49.

• 15:40Speaker 04

  And still walking?

• 15:41Stavros Halkias?

  And you just get to fucking, and then didn't right after that Egypt make you build a pyramid or whatever?

• 15:45Speaker 04

  Allegedly.

• 15:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's check in with Bill Maher. He'll let us know.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  Actually, when I talk, when I talk about, um, I mean, you're gonna love the, oh, you, oh, you guys are gonna love this. Hold on to your clown nose.

• 15:57Speaker 04

  Isn't that a comforting sound?

• 15:59Stavros Halkias?

  It's actually really good.

• 16:00Speaker 04

  It is. It's soothing. It's hilarious. Who doesn't like a clown? I never understand when people are like, I'm afraid of clowns. What part? The part where they're making you smile and loving? Oh, I have to tell you guys about the gathering.

• 16:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yes. You were at the Gathering of Juggalos.

• 16:14Speaker 04

  Because of this show.

• 16:15Stavros Halkias?

  Because of this show?

• 16:16Speaker 04

  Yes, because remember I went on, Mike?

• 16:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's right. And you said you wanted to do it. I remember this. And you tried to get me to go.

• 16:22Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 16:22Stavros Halkias?

  I do, I have no disrespect to the Juggalos out there.

• 16:26Speaker 04

  You better not, you better not be disrespecting them. You do not want to be on the wrong side of the Juggalos.

• 16:31Stavros Halkias?

  I respect you guys. I would love to make love to a couple Juggalets if it, if it works out. But I don't want to, I'm just too old to be at a festival setting in general.

• 16:41Speaker 04

  No. And you, you would have passed away.

• 16:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I can't do that right now. Bad back, you know what I mean?

• 16:46Speaker 04

  You would, you wouldn't even touched one toe onto the campground.

• 16:50Stavros Halkias?

  Sandy, what, did Sandy?

• 16:52Speaker 04

  Do you want me to tell you the whole, well, I feel like I've jumped around too much.

• 16:55Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, all right.

• 16:55Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. I was gonna say, I was gonna say, hold on to your clown hats because you guys are gonna love what my therapist said about Israel.

• 17:02Stavros Halkias?

  More therapy. More, oh, please tell them.

• 17:04Speaker 04

  Well, I just like, when I talk about, you know, feeling, I talk about Israel all the time in therapy because it's like.

• 17:10Stavros Halkias?

  Another sign you shouldn't be that, going to that much therapy.

• 17:14Speaker 04

  I'm upset about.

• 17:15Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta knock it down. I get it, but with your therapist?

• 17:18Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 17:18Stavros Halkias?

  And what are they gonna say?

• 17:20Speaker 04

  Well, he said, he goes, because you are upset about Israel and everything they're doing because that's actually, it's actually very un-Jewish.

• 17:28Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 17:28Speaker 04

  To have a homeland. Because we wander in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights or whatever.

• 17:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 17:34Speaker 04

  He's like, you're actually a wandering.

• 17:35Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's probably the killing the kids thing more than that. But

• 17:41Stavros Halkias?

  I think if I had to rank it, yes, that is very, and it is truly like weird. And anytime anyone does shit like this under the guise of religion, it's so funny. When you see the actual scripture and it's like, yeah, be nice to people and fucking share with your neighbors and everybody.

• 17:58Speaker 04

  Be menschy. That's like what being Jewish is. It's like being menschy.

• 18:02Stavros Halkias?

  I, it is, it is, yeah. I'm sure like, it's gotta be a crazy thing for like, like your generation. Cause it is so generational.

• 18:10Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 18:11Stavros Halkias?

  Like parents and, and kids of this age.

• 18:13Speaker 04

  Also like, hey, listen, I'm born and raised Long Island, 100% Jewish community. I was 13 and you know, they're like, uh, I went to a conservative synagogue and I was like one of the only kids who didn't go on birthright, but I didn't have a reason why. I was just like, ah, something.

• 18:28Stavros Halkias?

  Thumbs off. Good for you. Yeah, yeah.

• 18:30Speaker 04

  But I didn't have a reason.

• 18:31Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 18:31Speaker 04

  But it's because, and this is what my analyst says. He goes, because you knew, it's not, deep down, it's not very Jewish. It's not very menschy to go.

• 18:39Stavros Halkias?

  I bet you if your parents were like, we'll get you juicy tracks if you go on birthright, you'd be there in a second.

• 18:45Speaker 04

  And a charm bracelet.

• 18:48Speaker 04

  And they get a juicy traction and a charm bracelet and a salad slice from Santa Pizza.

• 18:54Stavros Halkias?

  I do remember being jealous of my Jewish friends when I heard about birthright. I was like, what? You get, I mean, I was jealous of so much of it because it is a recruit, it's like, it's when you're, it's like a star wide receiver going to like, uh, University of Alabama to get recruited. They're like, they want you to go to Israel. So it's like, awesome there.

• 19:11Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 19:12Stavros Halkias?

  Every story was like, yeah, sick. There were parties. We got jerked off. It was like.

• 19:17Speaker 04

  Well, that's part of it.

• 19:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's part of it.

• 19:18Speaker 04

  They jerk you off to make you sick.

• 19:22Speaker 04

  That is part of it. And I said, something's not right here. And it's not because I'm afraid of getting jerked off at the age of 20.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  And it's not because of my sexual dysfunction. It's something else.

• 19:34Speaker 04

  There's something, there's something afoot here.

• 19:37Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 19:38Speaker 04

  But maybe if I went on Birthright, it would have been Sarah Normal.

• 19:41Stavros Halkias?

  Sarah Normal, yeah. You get that juicy drag suit and you go to Birthright, you're Sarah Normal right now. You have, you have a podcast talking about like how fucked up men are right now.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  Dude.

• 19:50Stavros Halkias?

  How fucked up their behavior is.

• 19:52Speaker 04

  Guys.

• 19:53Stavros Halkias?

  The girl, the girl boss hour. The girl boss hour was Sarah Normal. You'd have like a, yeah, your co-host, you'd have, you'd have like a co-host where you have like a frenemies relationship.

• 20:03Speaker 04

  And I would have like a messy bun.

• 20:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would love talking about like, yeah, your ca- your coffee would be big for you.

• 20:11Speaker 04

  Right.

• 20:12Stavros Halkias?

  You'd have it in a big tumbler.

• 20:13Speaker 04

  Right.

• 20:13Stavros Halkias?

  How much, you, do you drink coffee?

• 20:15Speaker 04

  I was just drinking it right now.

• 20:17Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay, yeah.

• 20:18Speaker 04

  He's not very observant, I was just drinking coffee in his kitchen. Like, I thought he would be like, seeing every single thing I do because I'm in this little tiny outfit with a little wig.

• 20:26Stavros Halkias?

  That's true, that's true, that's true.

• 20:27Speaker 04

  I thought you'd be watching me like a hawk.

• 20:31Speaker 04

  I wa- I go to sleep thinking about the coffee when I have the next morning. I love. You guys coffee heads? Oh, this is a, oh, we're up to my eighth podcast appearance.

• 20:40Stavros Halkias?

  You guys are like, I mean, I'm the asshole for asking you, do you drink coffee? I am ostensibly the host of the show and immediately when I go, I follow up our Israel conversation with, do you drink coffee?

• 20:54Speaker 04

  I think it's because you're nervous around me because my belly button's out.

• 20:57Stavros Halkias?

  That's, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm very, I'm super nervous right now.

• 21:00Speaker 04

  It is crazy to walk around with your midriff out.

• 21:03Stavros Halkias?

  Right. I'm jealous of that.

• 21:04Speaker 04

  Is out.

• 21:05Stavros Halkias?

  I'm thinking of, I think next summer I might go, I think I might go like, like midriff out a little bit, but in, in the way that eighties like football players would have like short.

• 21:16Speaker 04

  Oh, like Johnny Depp in, um, Nightmare on Elm Street.

• 21:19Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe, although, not, not tight, like loose, pull up Johnny Depp. Was it loose? I don't remember.

• 21:24Speaker 04

  Pull it up.

• 21:25Stavros Halkias?

  He was, by the way.

• 21:26Speaker 04

  Do that, point to it, hello.

• 21:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, you want to talk about pieces of ass.

• 21:31Speaker 04

  Oh, my gosh.

• 21:31Stavros Halkias?

  Young Johnny Depp.

• 21:32Speaker 04

  Oh!

• 21:33Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 21:33Speaker 04

  He fucked it.

• 21:35Stavros Halkias?

  In Crybaby, he's so beautiful. He's so beautiful in Crybaby.

• 21:42Speaker 04

  This is why there's gonna be a new letter in the LGBTQ rainbow alphabet for you. S for Stav.

• 21:47Stavros Halkias?

  S for Stav, I'm in there.

• 21:48Speaker 04

  S for Stav.

• 21:50Stavros Halkias?

  Um, anyway, yeah, I see what you mean. Yeah, I mean, I do think that it is like, uh, it must feel, I mean, when it's, when it's chilly out, when it's hot, it must be nice to have your midriff out.

• 22:00Speaker 04

  Well, but I was gonna say, you wear the kind of, um, Gold's Gym tank tops where you, like, either one of your nipples.

• 22:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:08Speaker 04

  And it's only one at a time.

• 22:10Stavros Halkias?

  You're, you're so funny. You're, you are the observed one because like, that happens to me at PT. And I'm like, and it's like an old lady working on her hip, it's like a, like, you know what I mean? It's like me with a bunch of old people and I'm just like.

• 22:22Speaker 04

  You have one shit popping out.

• 22:23Stavros Halkias?

  I'm like, yeah, I'm like doing like planks for my back and like one titty's out, gold chains hanging out. I look really funny in PT.

• 22:30Speaker 04

  I think you, you have a new gold chain. I also observed that as well. The butcher knife?

• 22:34Stavros Halkias?

  The butcher knife is for Tony.

• 22:36Speaker 04

  Oh!

• 22:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes.

• 22:38Speaker 04

  Was that the swag or you did that for yourself?

• 22:40Stavros Halkias?

  I did it for the premiere and I just enjoyed it, so I'm keeping the butcher knife.

• 22:43Speaker 04

  Damn, and it's, is it sharp?

• 22:44Stavros Halkias?

  It's not that sharp.

• 22:45Speaker 04

  Sure, okay.

• 22:46Stavros Halkias?

  But I did, I did cut myself on the real ni- knife. Anytime you want to fucking Google Johnny Depp Nightmare on Elm.

• 22:52Speaker 04

  Oh, my god, relax. He's hard, that's why I want to see.

• 22:56Stavros Halkias?

  Not Crybaby, yes, yes, yes.

• 22:57Speaker 04

  Look at this tank top.

• 22:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yes, exactly, you're right, you're right.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  Oh, it's not a tank top, it's just this midriff out, look at that, look at that.

• 23:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's, it's, I would go a little loose, shorter sleeves, a little looser.

• 23:06Speaker 04

  It's pretty loose, like when he gets dragged up into the ceiling.

• 23:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 23:09Speaker 04

  Can you guys do that when you play the clip?

• 23:12Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:13Speaker 04

  When he gets dragged up into the ceiling, he is wearing a loose tank top, I think. A little loose.

• 23:18Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah, exactly. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be doing shit like this in the summer.

• 23:21Speaker 04

  Well, by the way, before I start sexually thirsting over his tiny body, can we Google how old he was when he shot this movie?

• 23:27Stavros Halkias?

  No, yeah, actually look that up. Let's see, let's see if Sarah's, if we trick Sarah into being a pedophile.

• 23:32Speaker 04

  It's okay, it's not me, I'm playing a kid.

• 23:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, Sarah Normal. How?

• 23:37Speaker 04

  Ah!

• 23:38Stavros Halkias?

  Twenty?

• 23:39Speaker 04

  No, that's not cool.

• 23:40Stavros Halkias?

  But to just say he looks good, you can say that. You're not saying you want to fuck.

• 23:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, it looks like medical. It's like when you go to the doctor and you're like, you look sturdy.

• 23:51Speaker 04

  I, later, by the way, I had a, I have a friend, I'm not gonna name her name, she knows exactly who I'm talking, she had the biggest, most amazing breasts you've ever seen. You would have.

• 24:00Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 24:01Speaker 04

  I mean, Stav would have gone full Tex Avery.

• 24:03Stavros Halkias?

  What happened? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:05Speaker 04

  Every time she would go to a breast reduction, um, consultant, two times the doctors went, the doctors said, I like, in good conscience, cannot.

• 24:14Stavros Halkias?

  These titties are too beautiful.

• 24:16Speaker 04

  They were like buoyant, round.

• 24:18Stavros Halkias?

  They went to Stav, they went to the Stavrosakis Medical School.

• 24:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that's, that's in, uh, that's in my fucking, um, the oath, what is it? The Greek oath?

• 24:29Speaker 04

  Oh, I will not do harm to anyone on earth with eyes.

• 24:33Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, and she chopped them off?

• 24:34Speaker 04

  Yep, and by the way, back problems went away. She can wear different types of shirts, so rock on, sister.

• 24:41Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you know, like, she, yeah, then the world is a fucking bleaker place also.

• 24:46Speaker 04

  Great, now he's emo for Halloween.

• 24:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, now I am emo. I wanted, speaking of, yeah, speaking of Halloween and emo, I did, okay, let's talk about this Halloween episode after all. Some Halloween crushes, would you, of the classic monsters.

• 25:02Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 25:03Stavros Halkias?

  Dracula, Frankenstein, Wolfman, Mummy.

• 25:06Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 25:07Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I think there's a clear who do you want to fuck the most, but.

• 25:09Speaker 04

  Well, I have my answer and this is gonna be, it might be like vague narcissism because I think I kind of look like this guy, but I find him really hot. Look up the Trickster from Brainscan.

• 25:22Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, I said the four big ones and you're coming up with a Trickster.

• 25:26Speaker 04

  Let me have this. Hello, Wood. Wood, go to the raw chicken, go to the raw chicken.

• 25:34Stavros Halkias?

  The Trickster from Brainscan, that's pretty, that's a pretty good evil guy.

• 25:38Speaker 04

  And Ben, Benny Buttcheek says I look like this guy.

• 25:41Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, I actually, and you know how much I love to attack your appearance, I don't actually see it.

• 25:46Speaker 04

  Really?

• 25:47Stavros Halkias?

  I think you're more beautiful than the Trickster, oh, the hair.

• 25:50Speaker 04

  I'm casting a spell over Stav.

• 25:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, literally, it's that easy. You put on lip gloss.

• 25:57Stavros Halkias?

  I think you're more beautiful than this grotesque figure from a minor eighties, uh, horror movie.

• 26:02Speaker 04

  Pretty major for me, but go on. Wait, what were you saying? Dracula, Frankenstein, the mum?

• 26:07Stavros Halkias?

  Dracula, Frankenstein, the Mummy, the Wolfman.

• 26:12Speaker 04

  I just like get Dracula so deep.

• 26:15Stavros Halkias?

  Dracula's clearly the answer. He's so hot.

• 26:18Speaker 04

  He's so, he's so full of desire, but he's also, he is homosexual. But that's part of it.

• 26:27Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you, oh, that actually, for you, that's might be a plus, because you won't have to have sex with him.

• 26:34Speaker 04

  Well, his, his, his version of sex is just, just sucking.

• 26:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, true, true, true, yeah.

• 26:39Speaker 04

  He's Mr. Suck.

• 26:40Stavros Halkias?

  You don't think he has, you don't think Dracula has penetrative intercourse?

• 26:43Speaker 04

  No, because I think that the vampire's desire is, it's a different form of desire.

• 26:50Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I watched.

• 26:51Speaker 04

  And it's a millennia of loneliness, oh.

• 26:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, so the longing is part of it too. Well, in the Bram Stoker's Dracula.

• 26:59Speaker 04

  Well, for you, it's Stoker.

• 27:02Stavros Halkias?

  Well, in the, in the, in the, um.

• 27:04Speaker 04

  Keanu?

• 27:04Stavros Halkias?

  Keanu, Keanu, Winona Ryder, uh, Coppola, incredible movie.

• 27:09Speaker 04

  Best movie ever?

• 27:10Stavros Halkias?

  Dracula takes the form of a wolf and fucks her. Do you remember that?

• 27:16Speaker 04

  Do I remember? No, but he fucks the other one.

• 27:19Stavros Halkias?

  The other one, the other one, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:20Speaker 04

  Oh, my god, may God strike me dead for not remembering her name. Oh, but, but, but, oh, oh, oh, oh, put this one in. I've crossed oceans of time to find you.

• 27:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 27:30Speaker 04

  Hello!

• 27:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's incredible, that's incredible.

• 27:33Speaker 04

  Hello, my nipples knifing through the push-up bra.

• 27:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's me saying that to my twenty years younger than me wife when I marry her.

• 27:41Speaker 04

  Twenty, three hundred years earlier. So you're picking Dracula too?

• 27:45Stavros Halkias?

  I think of those, so first of all, let's talk about this a little bit. I think the only two arguments are probably, I think Frankenstein and Dracula are your two arguments because they're too.

• 27:57Speaker 04

  They're the alien, they're the manifestation of alienation and like.

• 28:02Stavros Halkias?

  Well, because fr- uh, Eldis is a bis Frankenstein, right? A big idiot, a big nice idiot, right? You kind of, you know.

• 28:10Speaker 04

  Made out of sewn together dead guys.

• 28:12Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, yeah, yeah. Frankenstein's a little more athletic than Eldis, I would say.

• 28:15Speaker 04

  Frankenstein's monster.

• 28:16Stavros Halkias?

  Frankenstein's monster's a little more lithe than Eldis, but, but you know, there's big, tall.

• 28:23Speaker 04

  You're like Stav's monster.

• 28:25Stavros Halkias?

  I am. Yeah, Dr. Halkias's monster.

• 28:29Speaker 06

  Dr. Halkias is Eldenstein.

• 28:33Speaker 06

  Frank, Frank and Eld.

• 28:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, keep going. We haven't worked on the pun region of his brain yet. That's on the neg- that's on Eldenstein 2.0.

• 28:43Stavros Halkias?

  Be- but then Dracula, obviously, seduction. I, I disagree with you, I think he has penetrative intercourse. I think especially if he makes you.

• 28:50Speaker 04

  Fangs, that's the penetration.

• 28:52Stavros Halkias?

  What about the hot, he's, he's got concubine, when you already have vampires, and by the way, that scene where Keanu.

• 28:59Speaker 04

  I mean, in the bed.

• 29:01Stavros Halkias?

  To me, I was like.

• 29:04Speaker 04

  Do you want to hear my brag of the century?

• 29:06Stavros Halkias?

  Please.

• 29:07Speaker 04

  So I met Keanu Reeves one time.

• 29:09Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 29:10Speaker 04

  Yeah!

• 29:10Stavros Halkias?

  I also met him.

• 29:11Speaker 04

  Okay, well, I met him two and a half years ago, so I think I met him before you.

• 29:18Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, I don't know if you did.

• 29:20Speaker 04

  Well, and then I went up to him and I was like, Dracula's my favorite movie, and he was like, so ex- he's so nice and he was so excited to hear that. And he started quoting it, he went like, the dirt, the dirt, and then he was like, I'm sorry, that was embarrassing, and I was like.

• 29:31Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, you beat me.

• 29:32Speaker 04

  I could, I could, I couldn't speak.

• 29:34Stavros Halkias?

  You beat me because I saw, I met him very briefly on the set of a movie he was shooting and he was so in the zone. I mean, I wasn't in the movie, I was just there.

• 29:42Speaker 04

  Good, good to hear.

• 29:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:44Speaker 04

  I don't think I could take any more success from you.

• 29:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's how I feel about you blowing it. I'm like, oh, thank god. Sarah's made a mistake, another mistake recently. Um, I, so he was about to shoot, and he was in the, and you know, and I pathetically, on my phone, had loaded up the Halloween that I was John Wick and I was just, I was waiting for an opportunity, I just never got it.

• 30:08Speaker 04

  Shoot.

• 30:09Stavros Halkias?

  Never got it and it broke my heart, but.

• 30:12Speaker 04

  He's really nice. He did, he did his dirt lines from Dracula.

• 30:17Stavros Halkias?

  And by the way, by the way, I think he gets too much shit. Every time people talk about, about that movie.

• 30:24Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, that's crazy.

• 30:25Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone says he's horrible and like.

• 30:27Speaker 04

  He's amazing in that fucking movie.

• 30:29Stavros Halkias?

  The, that character.

• 30:31Speaker 04

  I agree.

• 30:31Stavros Halkias?

  Should give that kind of perfor- now, look.

• 30:33Speaker 04

  I agree.

• 30:34Stavros Halkias?

  Could he have worked with a dialect a little longer?

• 30:36Speaker 04

  It worked.

• 30:37Stavros Halkias?

  A little bit, maybe. Maybe the accent, but the actual performance is really good, I think.

• 30:43Speaker 04

  He's amazing.

• 30:43Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, who is the other one? It's Winona and who's the other one?

• 30:46Speaker 04

  The beautiful blonde.

• 30:47Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, she's so hot. Eldis, find out.

• 30:51Speaker 06

  Wait, sorry.

• 30:51Stavros Halkias?

  We're being horny on Halloween.

• 30:52Speaker 04

  Cut this out.

• 30:53Stavros Halkias?

  We're being horny on Halloween.

• 30:54Speaker 04

  We know every actor in the movie, cut this out.

• 30:56Stavros Halkias?

  Um.

• 30:57Speaker 04

  I found, oh.

• 30:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, go to the, I, it, go to the cast, please.

• 31:02Speaker 04

  Um.

• 31:06Stavros Halkias?

  Sandra Fro- Sadie Frost? No? Or maybe, actually, when she was younger? Huh?

• 31:12Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 31:14Stavros Halkias?

  Look up Sadie Frost, yeah.

• 31:18Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, look up hot, oh, Monica Bellucci, oh, Monica Bellucci is one of the concubines.

• 31:24Speaker 04

  See, this is the kind of shit I should be booking. Oh, yeah.

• 31:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it is her.

• 31:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:29Stavros Halkias?

  You think you should be playing, you should be booking the roles that fucking, that, uh, Monica Bellucci gets?

• 31:36Speaker 04

  Kind of what I should.

• 31:38Stavros Halkias?

  I would pay money to see you try and be hot on camera.

• 31:40Speaker 04

  Well, that's why I would say, if Sarah Normal, my, my Sarah Normal.

• 31:43Stavros Halkias?

  Sarah Normal could do it, Sarah Normal could do it.

• 31:45Speaker 04

  Special is gonna change everything.

• 31:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my god, this is you trying to regulate your sexuality with a character. This is you trying to feel, because the only way you could ever.

• 31:56Speaker 04

  Right.

• 31:56Stavros Halkias?

  Actually try and tap into real sexual desire is.

• 32:00Speaker 04

  If I'm joking.

• 32:01Stavros Halkias?

  Saying it's art and a joke.

• 32:02Speaker 04

  If I'm joking.

• 32:03Stavros Halkias?

  Smart. That's good for you.

• 32:04Speaker 04

  Wait, what it, Kate Berland has a, um.

• 32:07Stavros Halkias?

  Great special.

• 32:08Speaker 04

  She's a perfect.

• 32:08Stavros Halkias?

  Parmesan.

• 32:08Speaker 04

  And she has.

• 32:09Stavros Halkias?

  If we're gonna be just completely honest.

• 32:10Speaker 04

  Right.

• 32:12Stavros Halkias?

  Kate Berland was supposed to do the Halloween episode and her travel plans changed.

• 32:19Stavros Halkias?

  We had you tapped in for Christmas and we were like, let's move Sarah up to Halloween.

• 32:29Stavros Halkias?

  It makes more sense, it's actually better, but yes, we had, we had Kate on and she, he had to postpone her trip.

• 32:36Speaker 06

  That would have been such a fun episode.

• 32:38Speaker 04

  I'm yesterday's Jewish girl lunch. I'm the second string Jewish girl.

• 32:45Stavros Halkias?

  On our ranking, honestly, yeah, you are. Let's be honest, Kate Berland is better than you.

• 32:50Speaker 04

  I was literally gonna quote one of her jokes.

• 32:53Stavros Halkias?

  She's incredible.

• 32:54Speaker 04

  She, I was gonna say, because she has a, yeah, like, I might have a kid as a joke.

• 32:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, she crushed that.

• 33:00Speaker 04

  She.

• 33:00Stavros Halkias?

  Parmesan, go watch it, folks.

• 33:02Speaker 04

  Uh, wait, do.

• 33:04Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, Parmesan, and then, you know, if you feel like it, watch Sarah Squirm live in the flesh.

• 33:09Speaker 04

  Came out a year ago. Where were you guys? Where were you? Actually, yeah, actually, after that update that bombed that I just told you about.

• 33:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 33:17Speaker 04

  I literally ran up, because, you know, it's a live studio audience, I like, I had a quick change where I had to run from the update set to a quick change booth for another skit. Isn't a live show, I had like a.

• 33:30Stavros Halkias?

  Insane.

• 33:31Speaker 04

  Minute-long change wig, whatever. I found the time in my big run, you're getting pulled by your dressers, I found the time to break away from my dresser and take two people by the shoulders in the audience going, where were you? Where were you when I needed you? And they were like, oh, oh, I think they were like, are they allowed to touch us?

• 33:56Speaker 04

  And people saw and were like, oh, my god.

• 33:58Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, is everything okay? Yeah.

• 34:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, they weren't, well, they didn't laugh.

• 34:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's all right, man, you'll get them next time.

• 34:04Speaker 04

  Will I?

• 34:05Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I don't know, who's to say?

• 34:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:07Stavros Halkias?

  But.

• 34:08Speaker 04

  Maybe Kate Berland will.

• 34:13Stavros Halkias?

  Great special, though, she has, I was reeling forward to discussing it with her, but let's go back to.

• 34:18Speaker 04

  Discuss it, I thought it was great.

• 34:19Stavros Halkias?

  Let's go back.

• 34:20Speaker 04

  I saw the live taping and.

• 34:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you did?

• 34:22Speaker 04

  It was awesome.

• 34:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's cool.

• 34:23Speaker 04

  Loved it so much, I watched the special the second it came out. Actually, I thought it was coming out the night before, loaded up the HBO homepage, I go, oh, I gotta wait another day?

• 34:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I got an advanced, uh, copy, advanced, uh, media copy, as a member of the media.

• 34:38Speaker 04

  Oh. The Greek media.

• 34:41Stavros Halkias?

  As a member of the media.

• 34:46Speaker 04

  You guys make me sick, you really do. Really do.

• 34:50Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, can we get back to the matter at hand?

• 34:52Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:52Stavros Halkias?

  Frankenstein versus Dracula.

• 34:56Speaker 04

  And you get, it's just like, makes me sick, you have a nice office, nice life.

• 35:01Stavros Halkias?

  My life's not that nice.

• 35:03Speaker 04

  Did you have a gorgeous apartment and a nice office?

• 35:05Stavros Halkias?

  That's true, that is true.

• 35:05Speaker 04

  And, and we're just here, you're wearing a clown suit going, who, who'd you suck first, Frankenstein or Dracula?

• 35:14Speaker 04

  You know, everybody made fun of George Carlin for going like, you know, like, eh, you know, or everyone made fun of Dennis Leary for going like, Machiato, you know, whatever, but it's like, look at the comedians we're doing now.

• 35:27Stavros Halkias?

  I have said we're in a deer of culture and I'm part of it.

• 35:30Speaker 04

  Right.

• 35:30Stavros Halkias?

  I know that.

• 35:31Speaker 04

  Nadir.

• 35:32Stavros Halkias?

  Now, let's get back to it.

• 35:33Speaker 04

  You know you're better than this, saying shit like Nadir.

• 35:38Speaker 04

  Beautiful woman's name Nadir.

• 35:39Stavros Halkias?

  Nadir would be hot, yeah, like a hot Indian girl.

• 35:43Stavros Halkias?

  Um, okay, maybe Persian, actually, anyway. Um, so, I would say, The Wolfman, I watched the original, I was watching the old, like, Universal monsters. The Wolfman movie sucks. It's like.

• 35:57Speaker 04

  Does it?

• 35:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's not good, Dracula's awesome. Bela Lugosi's so good. And in fact, Bela Lugosi's the best part of The Wolfman, he plays the original Wolfman, he's a traveler, uh, you know, a diff, the G word.

• 36:12Speaker 04

  The goat.

• 36:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he's incredible. No, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I haven't really watched his stuff, I'm diving the fuck in, because Dracula was so fucking good. But, yeah, Wolfman sucks, and I have to see the original Frankenstein, I have to see The Mummy, but The Mummy, I don't know, he's doing this, uh.

• 36:28Speaker 04

  And you don't see much, so it's just like, he's out.

• 36:31Stavros Halkias?

  Unless he has a huge hog under that.

• 36:32Speaker 04

  Right.

• 36:33Stavros Halkias?

  Under that thing.

• 36:34Speaker 04

  If he had a paw print under there, if he had a David Bowie labyrinth paw print through the bandages, it'd be pretty good.

• 36:41Stavros Halkias?

  But I think.

• 36:42Speaker 04

  Fraser in The Mummy is.

• 36:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's, now you wanna talk about a piece of ass? And the, yeah, I mean, that's, that's a crazy piece of ass combo.

• 36:49Speaker 04

  You know what's funny, like, you know what's funny?

• 36:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, please.

• 36:52Speaker 04

  Awesome thing to say to get people's attention.

• 36:55Stavros Halkias?

  Tell me.

• 36:56Speaker 04

  The, the, I'm always curi- I have, I know this is like trite to say.

• 37:01Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 37:01Speaker 04

  But, sure, doesn't, hasn't stopped you before?

• 37:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, what else is new?

• 37:05Speaker 04

  I, my, okay, my, my, my algorithm is quite interesting.

• 37:10Stavros Halkias?

  Hit me with it.

• 37:11Speaker 04

  Because I will think things are like front page news.

• 37:15Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 37:16Speaker 04

  Because of what's being force fed to me.

• 37:18Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 37:19Speaker 04

  So, the, the number one news story on my shit for like a full week, like, sh- eh, machine-gunned into my brain, was the Monkey Bone re-release.

• 37:31Stavros Halkias?

  Monkey Bone.

• 37:32Speaker 04

  And is that, is that just for me?

• 37:34Stavros Halkias?

  One hundred percent for you. I, I probably don't have, like, I get some of re-release stuff, too, Monkey Bone did not cross my desk.

• 37:41Speaker 04

  That was my desk.

• 37:43Stavros Halkias?

  Now, I wanna tell you something, I am in, I haven't seen it, I'm interested in, actually, I saw it when I was a little kid, because. Uh, because, I think, because, I don't remember which one came first, whether it was George of the Jungle, but Catan is in that, I was a big Catan guy.

• 37:57Speaker 04

  Of course, of course.

• 37:58Stavros Halkias?

  And I watched it, it was a classic library rental my mom got, but I do not remember a fucking thing that happened in it, and I kinda wanna see it. You remember Monkey Bone, Eldis?

• 38:09Speaker 04

  I remember being scared, because I saw it when I was little, and it's like dark psychedelia.

• 38:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, but, you know, that's.

• 38:17Speaker 04

  The two of you, it's just, you're a sight.

• 38:20Stavros Halkias?

  Are Sarah, are Sarah Squirm costumes?

• 38:23Speaker 04

  I did, I did, what did I say when I walked in, I said, I do have pants like.

• 38:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I know, what do you think we got? We raided your closet for these.

• 38:32Speaker 04

  Is that why it smells like sour cream in the oven?

• 38:35Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't say it.

• 38:38Speaker 04

  I didn't have to.

• 38:40Speaker 04

  Certainly didn't have to. I'm trying to think of who else is like really hot, uh, really hot.

• 38:45Stavros Halkias?

  Horror.

• 38:45Speaker 04

  In a movie.

• 38:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you would, no, I mean, you're a horror head.

• 38:48Speaker 04

  I know, but I'm trying to think of like who the hottest is for me.

• 38:51Stavros Halkias?

  You'd probably wanna fuck Hellraiser.

• 38:55Speaker 04

  Eh, yeah, it's all about. It's all about pleasuring pain stuff. Frank, Frank is hot, Frank Hellraiser.

• 39:04Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:05Speaker 04

  Look it up.

• 39:08Speaker 06

  What about like Creature of the Black Lagoon, like Shape of Water, that kind of thing?

• 39:13Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, oh, oh, aquatic monster?

• 39:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:16Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, for me.

• 39:18Speaker 04

  Oh, god, look at Frank, look at Frank, look at Frank, the first, look at the first picture of Frank.

• 39:22Stavros Halkias?

  Frank is, I mean, yes, Frank before is hot as hell.

• 39:25Speaker 04

  Well, he has an skin.

• 39:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  Or when he, look at Jesus wept, Frank Hellraiser. That's the hook chain face. Jesus wept.

• 39:36Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, when he's like all, yeah, that was fucked up.

• 39:39Speaker 04

  He can kinda get the, get it.

• 39:41Stavros Halkias?

  I should watch Hellraiser.

• 39:43Speaker 04

  And you know what? Beetlejuice is hot.

• 39:44Stavros Halkias?

  Beetlejuice is a good one.

• 39:45Speaker 04

  He's a horn dog.

• 39:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good one, yep, yep. I mean, for me, it was definitely Nightmare Before, or Nightmare Before Christmas, the Goth blo- uh, bl- blue girl.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, skinny blue girl.

• 39:55Stavros Halkias?

  She's Sally.

• 39:56Speaker 04

  And you're wondering why everybody wants to be skinny now.

• 39:59Stavros Halkias?

  Well, no, I just don't think they made very voluptuous children's horror thing, was there a children's like, uh.

• 40:06Speaker 04

  A voluptuous, a bit, you're, uh, uh, a hog?

• 40:10Stavros Halkias?

  Elvira.

• 40:11Speaker 04

  Oh, Elvira, good.

• 40:12Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my god.

• 40:12Speaker 06

  Elvira's gotta be the top, you know?

• 40:15Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 40:16Speaker 06

  Who else? Maybe, maybe Bride of Chucky, because you know it's Tilly.

• 40:20Speaker 04

  Oh, Jennifer Tilly.

• 40:21Speaker 06

  The real version probably has big titties.

• 40:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's a good one, that's a good.

• 40:24Speaker 04

  She's got, and she has a tattoo on her boobs, it draws the eye.

• 40:26Stavros Halkias?

  And she looks horned, the doll looks.

• 40:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's, she's really horny.

• 40:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 40:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:32Speaker 04

  Tiffany, yeah.

• 40:34Stavros Halkias?

  I, I, I, that's a great movie.

• 40:36Speaker 04

  She got boobs.

• 40:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man, good stuff.

• 40:41Stavros Halkias?

  This episode is sponsored by BlueChew. Have you ever seen a BlueChew wrapper on the street? Now that's a walk of fame. BlueChew Gold is better sex in a tablet, my friend. They combine four ingredients into one powerful solution.

• 40:57Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not supposed to explicitly say what it does, but zip.

• 41:03Stavros Halkias?

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• 41:43Stavros Halkias?

  You will receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. That is coming to you overnight. So you can visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stavvy Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stavvy's World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out.

• 42:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at Visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month or get the Premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STAV. Terms apply. What was the first, because you, what started loving horror movies for you? Because you do love them. You're a classic horror head.

• 42:49Speaker 04

  Um, I kind of have a lame answer.

• 42:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:54Speaker 04

  I was a-

• 42:55Stavros Halkias?

  Friday the 13th?

• 42:56Speaker 04

  I was addicted to Edward Scissorhands.

• 42:59Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 43:00Speaker 04

  I saw that movie.

• 43:02Stavros Halkias?

  Comes back to Johnny Depp.

• 43:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, that's my hair, too.

• 43:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:06Speaker 04

  My whole life, I've just tried to look like Edward Scissorhands.

• 43:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's so-

• 43:09Speaker 04

  Sorry, I know you guys don't, sorry.

• 43:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's so hard to, yeah.

• 43:15Speaker 04

  I really like this. And now your editors have to do it.

• 43:18Stavros Halkias?

  They won't do any of it.

• 43:19Speaker 04

  Please?

• 43:20Stavros Halkias?

  Do different stuff than she asked for.

• 43:23Speaker 04

  Picture of my hair?

• 43:29Stavros Halkias?

  Edward Scissorhands, huh? I was always scared. I was a coward when it came to horror movies.

• 43:33Speaker 06

  If that counts, then you gotta say Winona, that-

• 43:36Speaker 04

  Oh my God.

• 43:37Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. Winona, I mean-

• 43:38Speaker 04

  She's the most stunning woman alive, it's insane.

• 43:40Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, when I heard that, that was going around, that she was dating the guy from Counting Crows, that guy who got-

• 43:45Speaker 04

  He, I mean, who did it?

• 43:46Stavros Halkias?

  But that he was complaining that she wanted to fuck too much?

• 43:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, was that real?

• 43:52Stavros Halkias?

  I've chose-

• 43:52Speaker 06

  That was Jamiroquai, wasn't it?

• 43:53Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, Jamiroquai.

• 43:54Speaker 04

  No, I think-

• 43:55Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, you're right, it was Jamiroquai. And I will say, right now, fuck Jamiroquai for that. You're a fucking Kate Winslet, you dumbass. Where the fuck did you even get Kate Winslet?

• 44:06Speaker 06

  Must be a, must be muscle memory or something.

• 44:10Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, look at this.

• 44:11Speaker 04

  That is crazy.

• 44:12Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that pisses me off. Jamiroquai, I'm gonna fucking shit in your stupid little hat. I would love to-

• 44:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, you tell him, stop.

• 44:19Stavros Halkias?

  I would love to fill your hat full of shit and press it down onto your fucking head.

• 44:24Speaker 06

  Broke up with Winona because her breasts were too big.

• 44:26Speaker 04

  How is breasts-

• 44:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's too big, I don't believe. That one's crazy.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  That's not true.

• 44:31Stavros Halkias?

  Although, maybe that's part of what you were talking about. Skinny is too, maybe some people valued, I mean, to me, the idea that you would not like big tits is li, I literally can't wrap my head around it.

• 44:42Speaker 04

  But this is also mommy's boy. If you had-

• 44:45Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa. Four times, therapy four times a week, coming at me with the most obvious one for one. You like tits? You must love sucking your mommy's tits.

• 44:56Speaker 04

  And I'm not saying that as a titless wonder with big fat legs and a huge ass.

• 45:02Speaker 04

  I certainly don't, I certainly don't have a dog in this fight.

• 45:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're right. It's because I have mommy issues that I love big tits. Not that they're objectively awesome. But you're, you know what? I am a mom's boy, so what can I say?

• 45:17Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, sure.

• 45:17Stavros Halkias?

  You got me there.

• 45:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:19Stavros Halkias?

  You got me there. I can, you know, dead to rights. You got me dead to rights there.

• 45:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:22Stavros Halkias?

  And I, but listen, at the same time, it's like, uh, maybe that, that's what I'm saying. Maybe Jamiroquai got caught up in the heroin chic of the 90s and was like, I can't be seen around with this big titted animal.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  Or maybe she was going full Nicki obsession mode and tried like fucking him to death.

• 45:40Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure.

• 45:41Speaker 04

  Well, I get, hey, there's worse ways to go.

• 45:44Stavros Halkias?

  Literally. That's literally what I was about to say.

• 45:48Speaker 06

  I was, I was watching Obsession, the whole time I was like, if I was like, you know, when I was a loser in college, none of this, none of this would have like, I, I wouldn't have been like, this is weird. I'd be like, this is awesome.

• 46:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 46:02Speaker 06

  He's obsessed with me.

• 46:03Stavros Halkias?

  I could have gotten over it.

• 46:05Speaker 04

  The pee and the poop? She's standing there peeing and pooping?

• 46:08Stavros Halkias?

  I could have gotten over it if all the other stuff was awesome. I would have been thrilled, don't get me wrong. That would have been a tough day, but then I wake up and she's sucking my dick. I'm like, everybody shits and pisses.

• 46:19Speaker 04

  Did she even suck?

• 46:20Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I think for the horror movie, no, but in real life, she would have.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 46:25Stavros Halkias?

  If she's obsessed with you, she's gonna suck you off.

• 46:26Speaker 04

  Right.

• 46:27Speaker 06

  I know, where was that in the movie?

• 46:28Speaker 04

  Where was that?

• 46:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 46:30Speaker 04

  Where was that?

• 46:31Stavros Halkias?

  Where was the head in that movie? That's a, that's a huge plot point, Curry Baker.

• 46:37Speaker 04

  Pick it up with him the next time you see him.

• 46:39Stavros Halkias?

  I will, I don't, I haven't, I've never seen him, but yeah. Listen, Curry, I'm down if you need a head consultant or just a fat guy. I know you're probably gonna use your fat friend as the comic relief in your movies forever, but if you need a second fat guy, that kid's not that fat, but he has a fat face.

• 46:54Speaker 04

  And you're getting less fat by the day. I'm worried about you, so.

• 46:58Stavros Halkias?

  I will have-

• 46:58Speaker 04

  Lot of skeletons in this.

• 47:00Stavros Halkias?

  First of all, I weigh 275 pounds and I'm five seven.

• 47:03Speaker 04

  Me too, on a good day.

• 47:04Stavros Halkias?

  But I do have to lose weight for my back, unfortunately. Like, we have finally come to the point-

• 47:09Speaker 04

  Right.

• 47:10Stavros Halkias?

  Where my heart a little bit, I guess, I have a vis, you know, I talked to a doctor and they're like, yeah, if you lose 70 pounds, you'll be fine. And so I think I will have to do that. That's my goal is to weigh, which is crazy to say 205.

• 47:24Speaker 04

  Right.

• 47:25Stavros Halkias?

  Because I want to just weigh the amount, as fat as I can be and live, that's how much I'd like to weigh. I wish I could be fatter, honestly. I love being fat, but what are you gonna do?

• 47:34Speaker 04

  Right.

• 47:34Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta live. You're 30, 37, you ruin your body being fat and doing drugs and shit.

• 47:39Speaker 04

  Hey, but you book.

• 47:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:41Speaker 04

  You book. You're one of the, you're one of the only guys holding it down.

• 47:44Stavros Halkias?

  That is true. That is true, you know?

• 47:46Speaker 04

  And you lost out one of your roles to the Resident Evil guy with the rats coming out of his stomach. You didn't see it?

• 47:52Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, oh, oh, yeah, I did see it. No, that's good, that's good. I thought you were talking about Paul Walter Hauser for a second. Because he was in that movie.

• 47:58Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 47:59Stavros Halkias?

  Because I was watching that movie, I was like, I want to do that. I was jealous as fuck of that role.

• 48:02Speaker 04

  The really good part.

• 48:03Stavros Halkias?

  It's a great part.

• 48:04Speaker 04

  That movie was effing-

• 48:07Stavros Halkias?

  It was really good.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  Awesome.

• 48:08Stavros Halkias?

  It was really, and 90 minutes, maybe?

• 48:10Speaker 04

  Went by like that.

• 48:11Stavros Halkias?

  You're, it felt like you're on a roller coaster. You go in, you're out, you have a great time, you leave, it's awesome.

• 48:15Speaker 04

  Not that serious, not that, having fun?

• 48:17Stavros Halkias?

  Multiple, actually multiple Stavvy's World, uh, get, we had both Griffin and Zach Cherry, friends of the program.

• 48:25Speaker 04

  Friends of the program.

• 48:26Stavros Halkias?

  Friends of the program, Griffin Newman and Zach Cherry played little fucking scientist nerds in that.

• 48:31Speaker 04

  That's-

• 48:31Stavros Halkias?

  And did a good job.

• 48:32Speaker 04

  That's-

• 48:32Stavros Halkias?

  It was a real stretch for Griffin to play a nerd and for Zach to play a fat nerd.

• 48:41Speaker 04

  Zach, my coworker.

• 48:43Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 48:44Speaker 04

  Well, we were both in a movie.

• 48:45Stavros Halkias?

  What movie?

• 48:45Speaker 04

  Well, I had a couple lines. The Camp Miasma movie.

• 48:48Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yes, that's right. You were the, yes, I, we talked about that.

• 48:51Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 48:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and I will, okay, another, I don't want this to be me being like, fuck, I wanted that role of fat guy.

• 48:56Speaker 04

  Go, go, I like this.

• 48:57Stavros Halkias?

  But I will say-

• 48:58Speaker 04

  I love when you go showbiz Hollywood stuff.

• 49:00Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, the Camp Miasma's awesome. Zach played a guy who was, played a guy in an 80s movie being transphobic. I got it, I think I would have been better at that.

• 49:11Speaker 04

  Right.

• 49:11Stavros Halkias?

  I think I would have been better at that.

• 49:13Speaker 04

  So slate your name, slate your name.

• 49:15Stavros Halkias?

  If you need ironic, any kind of racism, transphobia, that's kind of what I built my career on.

• 49:21Speaker 04

  Do your real right fucking now. Do an audition right fucking now.

• 49:24Stavros Halkias?

  I would love to. I love Camp Miasma.

• 49:26Speaker 04

  I book because of this podcast.

• 49:29Stavros Halkias?

  Good, good, good.

• 49:29Speaker 04

  I literally came on this podcast, I said, I would like to do, I would like to take the time to use this platform to say that I would like to do the Gathering of the Dread Boys.

• 49:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, how did it go?

• 49:39Speaker 04

  I have done it because of this podcast.

• 49:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful.

• 49:42Speaker 04

  He's checking the time, he's bored.

• 49:43Stavros Halkias?

  Because you have to go to fucking dinner, dickhead.

• 49:45Speaker 04

  At 6.

• 49:46Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 49:47Speaker 04

  Oh my God.

• 49:48Stavros Halkias?

  Where, how far is it from here?

• 49:49Speaker 04

  I, I have to go to like-

• 49:53Speaker 04

  Where do I have to go?

• 49:54Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know, you tell me anyway.

• 49:55Speaker 04

  Okay, um, I have to go to-

• 49:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you're fine, you're fine.

• 49:58Speaker 04

  Um, um-

• 49:59Stavros Halkias?

  Leap it out, but yeah. You're fine then.

• 50:01Speaker 04

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, um, um, well, no, so I said I want to do the gathering on this podcast and then it worked.

• 50:07Stavros Halkias?

  Beautiful.

• 50:08Speaker 04

  So I would also like to take the time to say, "Any Hollywood director, I am free, I am not that busy, I will lose weight, I will gain weight, I will shave my head, I will dye my hair blonde, I'll put on a push-up bra, I'll do full frontal, I'll show my ass."

• 50:24Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa, whoa, now you're losing jobs.

• 50:28Speaker 04

  I won't show my ass, I won't show my tits, I'll do anything, I'll do any accent, I'll be what, I'll do what he says.

• 50:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I got a couple accents for you, I think there's a couple you won't do.

• 50:39Speaker 04

  For a prize.

• 50:41Stavros Halkias?

  You gave him that day, uh, that Ben Shapiro Daily Wire movie.

• 50:45Speaker 04

  That? What, Chucky's in that?

• 50:48Stavros Halkias?

  Who?

• 50:48Speaker 04

  Brad Dorif.

• 50:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, rea- well, what do you think, Chucky was gonna say no? You think Chucky's principled?

• 50:54Speaker 04

  Well, to me, eh, what, who I think is A-list and who you think is A-list-

• 51:00Speaker 04

  Is different.

• 51:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that is true, that is true.

• 51:03Speaker 04

  But I-

• 51:03Stavros Halkias?

  The voice of Chucky or the doll?

• 51:05Speaker 04

  Okay, you, first of all, you don't know anything.

• 51:10Stavros Halkias?

  Bring him up, Brad Dorif.

• 51:12Speaker 04

  Well, because you know that Chucky is a serial killer-

• 51:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 51:17Speaker 04

  Got struck by lightning with the doll and then his soul went into the body of the doll. Hello, that was him.

• 51:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh shit, really? This guy's, that actually does surprise me.

• 51:24Speaker 04

  Isn't that interesting? Well, I was, by the way, the trailer for that movie, put it here.

• 51:28Stavros Halkias?

  This guy's, Brad Dorif's great.

• 51:30Speaker 04

  I know, he's amazing. Actually, he's my favorite episode of X-Files as well, putting on a fucking clinic.

• 51:35Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 51:36Speaker 04

  Clinic!

• 51:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, this guy's a great actor.

• 51:38Speaker 04

  Um, oh, and I have, we didn't even talk about the hottest monster from X-Files.

• 51:43Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, I don't know that one off the top of my head.

• 51:46Speaker 04

  You guys don't watch X-Files?

• 51:47Stavros Halkias?

  I do like X, was that the monster from the, from the episode where they do Walking in Memphis?

• 51:52Speaker 04

  No, well, my favorite monster is, can you look up the guy who lives in the drain? He's like the drain monster from X-Files.

• 51:59Stavros Halkias?

  Let's talk about the gathering of the juggalos.

• 52:01Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, so, um-

• 52:03Stavros Halkias?

  You go to the, because of this program, you got work.

• 52:06Speaker 04

  Yes. It, it actually, and you know what, it just fucking pisses me off, that's my thing right now.

• 52:12Stavros Halkias?

  Honestly?

• 52:13Speaker 04

  Honestly, you see it, right?

• 52:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I mean, the teeth scare me, but imagine putting your dick in that guy's mouth.

• 52:21Speaker 04

  I mean, of course, it goes without saying.

• 52:22Stavros Halkias?

  The visual is not great, but it feels like it would feel good-

• 52:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:27Stavros Halkias?

  To put your dick in that guy's mouth.

• 52:31Stavros Halkias?

  So what happens at the gathering? Where does it take place?

• 52:34Speaker 04

  Um, this one, they moved to Lake of the Ozark, Missouri.

• 52:38Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 52:39Speaker 04

  And, so I rea- it was like a trip.

• 52:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:42Speaker 04

  And-

• 52:42Stavros Halkias?

  Tough to get to.

• 52:43Speaker 04

  And shout out to Violent J, love you, thanks for having me.

• 52:46Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:47Speaker 04

  Okay, um, I'm gonna say that the juggalos, first of all, ever since I did the gathering, every show that I've done since, I have full-face juggalos, front row at all my shows, fucking supporting me.

• 53:02Stavros Halkias?

  Get the fuck out of here, that's incredible.

• 53:03Speaker 04

  And they're, the best audience members, they're so sweet, it's awesome.

• 53:07Stavros Halkias?

  I love that.

• 53:07Speaker 04

  So, I reckon, this is why I recommend doing the gathering, is because it's actually a family.

• 53:12Stavros Halkias?

  I think it would be awesome, I just, I don't want to go to Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri.

• 53:16Speaker 04

  It's really far.

• 53:17Stavros Halkias?

  Not, not-

• 53:17Speaker 04

  And there's like mud and-

• 53:18Stavros Halkias?

  I'll say this, not right now.

• 53:20Speaker 04

  Right.

• 53:21Stavros Halkias?

  If I recover a little bit, my back's feeling healthy.

• 53:23Speaker 04

  We, what's going on? We, we gotta get this back.

• 53:26Stavros Halkias?

  I know, my back is so fucked, it's crazy. But I'm doing a lot better, actually.

• 53:29Speaker 04

  Do you need a brace?

• 53:31Stavros Halkias?

  No, I need to like do exercises and shit to help it.

• 53:34Speaker 04

  Crap.

• 53:34Stavros Halkias?

  That's why I need to lose weight, because I just have like a giant, imagine you have a back problem and you just have like 100 pounds dragging your back every second your weight, yeah.

• 53:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:43Stavros Halkias?

  Sort of kind of a problem you have.

• 53:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, sort of kind of a problem.

• 53:45Stavros Halkias?

  And your friend with the juicy titties.

• 53:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:47Stavros Halkias?

  Imagine, like, I guess I see where she's coming from, because if I could get my stomach sliced off, I would.

• 53:52Speaker 04

  You could.

• 53:53Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 53:53Speaker 04

  Isn't that what they do?

• 53:54Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 53:55Speaker 04

  How do they slice it off? They suck it out.

• 53:57Stavros Halkias?

  They're like, there's like get bash, gastric bypass surgery or some shit?

• 54:01Speaker 04

  Right.

• 54:02Stavros Halkias?

  I guess I could theoretically get liposuction, but that seems insane.

• 54:06Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 54:06Stavros Halkias?

  That'd be a lot of lipo.

• 54:07Speaker 04

  If you did it without talking about it?

• 54:09Stavros Halkias?

  That'd be so fun.

• 54:10Speaker 04

  If you walked in here, "Hey!"

• 54:11Stavros Halkias?

  "Hey, what's up?" Just pretend it was the GLP one. I could, I guess, disappear for a month.

• 54:16Speaker 04

  Right.

• 54:17Stavros Halkias?

  And say I like got-

• 54:17Speaker 04

  Come back with hair?

• 54:19Stavros Halkias?

  No, that would be a bridge too far.

• 54:20Speaker 04

  That would be a bridge too far.

• 54:21Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not doing that. Um, okay, and it went good, the, the gathering was good.

• 54:26Speaker 04

  It's not what I said.

• 54:26Stavros Halkias?

  Where did you, okay.

• 54:28Speaker 04

  It's not what I said.

• 54:32Stavros Halkias?

  So it was bad?

• 54:33Speaker 04

  No, I-

• 54:34Stavros Halkias?

  Your performance?

• 54:35Speaker 04

  Yes, my performance was not amazing, but that's not what it's about.

• 54:40Stavros Halkias?

  It's about the experience.

• 54:41Speaker 04

  Well, it's because I was midnight in a circus tent.

• 54:45Stavros Halkias?

  Holy fuck.

• 54:46Speaker 04

  And by that point, everybody's-

• 54:48Stavros Halkias?

  So right at home?

• 54:49Speaker 04

  Right at home, but everyone's so high that they want to just see the cra- because I-

• 54:56Stavros Halkias?

  Well, listen to music high as shit at midnight, you don't want to fucking hear you.

• 54:59Speaker 04

  Or you want to see the craziest thing. So, I brought, um, Nate Verone and Sandy Honig.

• 55:03Stavros Halkias?

  Love them, very funny.

• 55:04Speaker 04

  They're amazing, and-

• 55:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, Sandy.

• 55:06Speaker 04

  Sandy buried me.

• 55:10Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 55:10Speaker 04

  Because she does this thing, put in a picture of Sandy.

• 55:14Stavros Halkias?

  Friend of the show.

• 55:15Speaker 04

  Friend of the show, Sandy.

• 55:16Stavros Halkias?

  What, honestly, Sandy shot a very early Stabby, Stabby Baby calendar.

• 55:21Speaker 04

  That's right, that's true.

• 55:22Stavros Halkias?

  When she was still, when she still lived here, very funny.

• 55:24Speaker 04

  And you guys did a show together that I feel like I went to at Union Hall. That's me, that's me, that's a picture of me.

• 55:29Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, the triplets or whatever? Was I one of the guest triplets?

• 55:32Speaker 04

  I was like-

• 55:33Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, that is you.

• 55:34Speaker 04

  It is me.

• 55:35Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you look nice there. You look nice there.

• 55:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, so what's the problem? That's my hair.

• 55:40Stavros Halkias?

  You're honestly usually not trying that hard, if we're being honest.

• 55:43Speaker 04

  What do you mean? I'm wear- try, I'm like wearing the most perfectly matching outfit ever.

• 55:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's what I mean, no, you're usually not doing that well.

• 55:49Speaker 04

  Oh, I see, I see, I see.

• 55:50Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that actually is the best version of what you, your whole thing.

• 55:53Speaker 04

  Well, I had to look nice because I was Q and A-ing, "Hannah's special that Sandy directed."

• 55:59Stavros Halkias?

  Excellent, excellent.

• 55:59Speaker 04

  Excellent. Um, so I brought Sandy and she can queef on command.

• 56:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  So she did her character-

• 56:05Stavros Halkias?

  I saw a clip of that, it was one of the best things I've ever seen in my life.

• 56:07Speaker 04

  She does a character called the Queef of Comedy.

• 56:11Stavros Halkias?

  How did you think you could follow that at the Gathering of the Juggalos?

• 56:14Speaker 04

  It was like, it was embarrassing.

• 56:15Stavros Halkias?

  And then you have to go up there?

• 56:17Speaker 04

  And you know me, if I say I'm gonna do an hour, I, I, I'm doing an hour. I, I make good on my promise.

• 56:22Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 56:23Speaker 04

  So it was, she, I shouldn't have even, so she gets up, she's killing!

• 56:27Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 56:28Speaker 04

  She's destroying, she can queef like nobody's business, and I brought her because I know that at the like Juggalet, Miss Juggalet pageant, they-

• 56:36Stavros Halkias?

  Queefing is part of it?

• 56:37Speaker 04

  Queefing is part of it, so I was like, this is perfect. They are like showering her in money.

• 56:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 56:44Speaker 04

  Like, ev- like, liter- and-

• 56:48Speaker 04

  A- a- and, you know, at the gathering, the whole thing is if you see a dollar on the ground, you don't touch it because it's a poop dollar.

• 56:54Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 56:54Speaker 04

  So then, like, our, we had to check all the money for poop.

• 56:57Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 56:58Speaker 04

  None of it, no, because they, they-

• 57:00Stavros Halkias?

  They respected her queef, uh, queefing abilities too much.

• 57:03Speaker 04

  And then the one I got, I thought this would have been, I, I was like, "These, these are my fucking people, like, I'm gonna fucking destroy." But I'm just talking about gross stuff, I'm not actually doing it, so I was like, "My butthole's so crazy," and, and all these guys in the crowd would go, "Show us!

• 57:21Speaker 04

  And I was like, uh, what, and then got, to make me more comfortable, to feel like I could show them my butthole, guys, so the big thing there is huffing spray paint.

• 57:30Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 57:31Speaker 04

  And silver gets you higher than other colors.

• 57:33Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 57:34Speaker 04

  So guys with like silver faces, running up to the stage, being like, "Show us!"

• 57:41Speaker 04

  Spreading their cheeks, showing me their assholes, going, "Show us, show us, ah, ah, ah."

• 57:48Stavros Halkias?

  So you saw a lot of hole?

• 57:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, and so, and I get that that was them trying to make me feel comfortable.

• 57:53Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 57:53Speaker 04

  But, you know, it's like, if you're gonna see my butthole, you're gonna have to pay me a lot more.

• 57:56Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 57:57Speaker 04

  You know, and, and, so whatever, so-

• 57:59Stavros Halkias?

  So you should have tried, did you do, did you try and fart or queef or?

• 58:03Speaker 04

  I had like, I brought my, um, this, I brought my like visual accompaniment, where I have like videos of my-

• 58:10Stavros Halkias?

  Of gross shit?

• 58:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I have like a, a video where I have a fake prolapsed asshole that's my mouth, like spitting up blood, but it's not like, it's not the craziest thing they've ever seen.

• 58:19Stavros Halkias?

  It's not the real thing, it's fake.

• 58:21Speaker 04

  And they've seen like the crazy, like, people were telling me like, "Oh, like you weren't here, like this guy like put dynamite in his mouth and blew up his teeth for no reason, no care for it." So it's like, everything I'm saying isn't that shocking?

• 58:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, of course.

• 58:35Speaker 04

  So I kind of feel like I let everyone down.

• 58:37Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm sure there's been like beheadings at the gathering.

• 58:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. I did feel like I let everyone down, but at le- I get, shit, they got an hour, trust me.

• 58:44Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. But you brought them the queef of comedy.

• 58:47Speaker 04

  I brought them, right.

• 58:48Stavros Halkias?

  What you should have done was host a variety show of a bunch of freaks.

• 58:52Speaker 04

  Right.

• 58:53Stavros Halkias?

  You as the MC of that makes a lot of sense.

• 58:55Speaker 04

  It's so-

• 58:56Stavros Halkias?

  Next year.

• 58:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, next year. Guys, Violent J, Shaggy Too Dope.

• 59:02Speaker 04

  But I, I will say, the juggalos are at the forefront of the anti-racism movement.

• 59:07Stavros Halkias?

  I love that, that's awesome.

• 59:08Speaker 04

  It was, because I had, people had told me like stories like, "Oh my god, like, did you hear what they did to Teela Tequila? They like threw shit at her." I'm like, that's, I know that the, my brothers and sisters aren't gonna do that.

• 59:19Stavros Halkias?

  Wasn't that because she was, she is racist?

• 59:21Speaker 04

  I think she's racist now, I don't know what was going on at the time, I think she was just bisexual, maybe?

• 59:26Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, yeah, yeah. And that was new at the time.

• 59:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, people had never heard of that, and people still, to this day, are questioning whether or not that's even real.

• 59:34Stavros Halkias?

  That's true, a real thing. Or just girls who want attention. And guys who are gay. Those are, those are the two, uh, that's what the bi community faces, is those two allegations.

• 59:43Speaker 04

  Right, and like the small tattoos thing, like, I get it.

• 59:46Stavros Halkias?

  Right, sure, sure.

• 59:48Speaker 04

  So, I, they had, you know, I brought my own openers, and then there was this like guy there who was like, "I'm an opener too." And I was kind of going like, "I don't know who you are, you're just kind of a guy who like stepped out of the-" Because it's like in the mu- oh, I'm boring him, he's on, he's on. He's on, he, I just, I just told him a whole story about guys showing me their assholes.

• 1:00:10Stavros Halkias?

  This is the, uh, make it quick horn.

• 1:00:13Speaker 04

  Wrap it up, wrap it up. So this guy, because it's in the middle of the, of mud.

• 1:00:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:00:18Speaker 04

  And so this guy comes out of the mud into the tent and is like, "I'm your opener," and I was like, "You know what, I come in fucking peace."

• 1:00:25Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 1:00:25Speaker 04

  You're telling me you're my opener? Alright. He gets on stage and immediately is like, "Japanese people shouldn't exist."

• 1:00:34Speaker 04

  The entire crowd, all of the juggalos immediately start chanting, fuck this guy, fuck this guy.

• 1:00:40Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 1:00:41Speaker 04

  Chucking shit at his head, chucking drinks at his head violently harp.

• 1:00:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:45Speaker 04

  Until he became so uncomfortable that he had to run off the stage and disappear into the night.

• 1:00:50Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:00:51Speaker 04

  Who else, who else in this country is actively like, like taking up arms and cans and Vega to fight racism?

• 1:01:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful, man. That's really fucking.

• 1:01:04Speaker 04

  Who else is actively making racists so uncomfortable they have to stop with their.

• 1:01:10Stavros Halkias?

  It's so funny. That literally would have killed on Kill Tony. That is same act.

• 1:01:14Speaker 04

  You know what? He did say, he was like, I'm your opener. And I was like, okay. And he was like, come on, I've been on Kill Tony.

• 1:01:22Speaker 04

  You think that's gonna appeal to me?

• 1:01:25Stavros Halkias?

  To you and the jugg- I thought, you know, it's, it's interesting. I wonder what the Venn diagram is of juggalos who like Kill Tony.

• 1:01:30Speaker 04

  It's a circle.

• 1:01:31Stavros Halkias?

  It's an entertaining show.

• 1:01:32Speaker 04

  It's a.

• 1:01:32Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 1:01:34Speaker 04

  I was shocked by what I saw.

• 1:01:36Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful.

• 1:01:36Speaker 04

  When I watched it.

• 1:01:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:39Speaker 04

  I wa- I, I was, well, first of all.

• 1:01:43Stavros Halkias?

  I'll be honest, I haven't checked in in a while.

• 1:01:44Speaker 04

  It, it's, you guys should be ashamed of yourselves. You're not nice.

• 1:01:51Speaker 04

  Kill Tony back in my day, it used to be Kill Kenny.

• 1:01:54Stavros Halkias?

  That's right. Oh, yeah. God damn it. You bastards. Yeah, that's good. That's, no, it's not quite a Sarah Normal joke, but it's, it's that.

• 1:02:02Speaker 04

  I know. I know. Wait, so let me, uh, so you're saying it would be like, okay, stop, stop, stop. It would be, um,

• 1:02:12Speaker 04

  Kill Tony. I wish someone would.

• 1:02:14Stavros Halkias?

  I would get away from, I would get, well, yeah, I guess maybe it would be kind of bland.

• 1:02:18Speaker 04

  Oh, okay. No, it would be like, guys, oh, no, no, no.

• 1:02:24Speaker 04

  Guys would like much rather Kill Tony than go to therapy.

• 1:02:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, that's exactly it. That's exactly it. You'd rather kill a guy than get a bed frame for the mattress on the floor? What do you have? One towel and one set of sheets? Like, yeah, stuff like that.

• 1:02:41Speaker 04

  Oh, you're gonna, no, okay, sure. Let me get it. Let me get it. Okay. You're gonna, okay, stop. No, I got it. Okay. You're, okay. No, I, I got it.

• 1:02:49Stavros Halkias?

  You got it. You got it.

• 1:02:50Speaker 04

  No, um, you're gonna, all that time you took to write a fat joke, you could have been trying to find my clit.

• 1:02:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. I mean, exactly. You're honestly so crushing it.

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  I actually think Sarah Normal, it's gonna be the thing that changes everything.

• 1:03:07Stavros Halkias?

  Sarah Normal is going to change your life.

• 1:03:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:10Stavros Halkias?

  Sarah Normal is gonna change your life.

• 1:03:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:11Stavros Halkias?

  And right now, what we have to do is change the lives of our listeners, Sarah. So why don't we hit the Visible hotline, Eldis?

• 1:03:17Speaker 04

  What's Visible?

• 1:03:18Stavros Halkias?

  Visible, well, I'm glad you asked. They're actually a wonderful carrier on Verizon's network or.

• 1:03:24Speaker 06

  Wireless carrier.

• 1:03:25Stavros Halkias?

  Wire carrier. We love our friends over at Visible.

• 1:03:30Speaker 04

  This is when I can, uh, all right, you guys got it from here.

• 1:03:33Stavros Halkias?

  And they actually, uh, make it possible for us.

• 1:03:37Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:03:37Stavros Halkias?

  To talk.

• 1:03:37Speaker 04

  Wait, just I have to do one more thing? Which, which one's my camera?

• 1:03:41Stavros Halkias?

  That one.

• 1:03:41Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:03:41Stavros Halkias?

  Come on.

• 1:03:42Speaker 04

  Hi. Hi, my name is Sarah Sherman.

• 1:03:44Stavros Halkias?

  Your, your tits are literally in frame.

• 1:03:46Speaker 06

  You're out of frame.

• 1:03:47Stavros Halkias?

  You're out of frame, dumbass. You have to be sitting down.

• 1:03:53Speaker 06

  No, you're still out of frame here.

• 1:03:54Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, there you go.

• 1:03:55Speaker 06

  No, you're out.

• 1:03:57Speaker 04

  Where's my, can I have a, where can I?

• 1:04:00Stavros Halkias?

  We can do the wide. Give her the wide. Give her the wide.

• 1:04:04Speaker 04

  Cause you know how this is, they do the auditions like this?

• 1:04:06Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:04:08Speaker 04

  Fuck.

• 1:04:13Speaker 04

  Do they go, they ask you?

• 1:04:14Speaker 06

  Here, come here. Come in the center.

• 1:04:17Speaker 04

  Hi, my name is Sarah Sherman. I'm five five. I weigh eighty nine pounds. Um, my talents include, um,

• 1:04:26Speaker 04

  still figuring that out, TBD, and I will be auditioning for the role of any woman in your movie.

• 1:04:34Stavros Halkias?

  Excellent. Uh, you go ahead and just delete that one. I'm the casting director. Just go ahead and delete that one.

• 1:04:41Speaker 04

  Ari Aster.

• 1:04:44Stavros Halkias?

  You would be great in an Ari Aster movie.

• 1:04:46Speaker 06

  Don't worry, we'll boost your mic for that segment.

• 1:04:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, baby, the fall, October, a chill in the air. The leaves are turning. Your body's all messed up. It's dark outside, fast. You're getting off. You gotta switch from summer to the fall. That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop cold water every morning before anything else. AG1 Next Gen has seventy five plus ingredients, including vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, and you're not gonna believe this, superfoods. It's backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials and specifically formulated to support immune defense.

• 1:05:35Stavros Halkias?

  So you could stay ahead of the season. I'm loving AG1. You know, I'm back in, I'm back at it with the health. Stavi Gets Ripped is coming back. AG1 is now, now they're a nice building block to me. Keep checking back, folks. Let's see how it's going. I'm feeling more energetic. I'm ready to go. And I will say, other little vitamin, I've tried a lot of stuff. The taste of AG1 is pretty delectable while you're getting healthy. Go to drinkag1.com/stavi and for a limited time, get a free immune support bundle, including a bottle of omega three fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D three K two with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/stavi.

• 1:06:19Stavros Halkias?

  Think GLP-1s are too expensive? On Ro, you can access FDA-approved GLP-1 weight loss treatment at your lowest possible price if you're covered. Start with Ro's free insurance checker. Just upload your insurance card to see if you're covered for certain GLP-1 shots. Whether you use insurance or pay cash, Ro helps you find an option that works best for you. Plus, Ro's membership plans help you save even more. See if you qualify at ro.co slash health. RX only. For side effects of GLP-1 medications, including boxed warning, go to ro.co slash safety. Additional Ro membership fee required. Eldis, let's hit the Visible hotline, please, and get, get some damn calls.

• 1:06:56Speaker 04

  Hey, Stav, Eldis and esteemed guest. I didn't know there was a time limit on the voicemail, so I'm trying again. And I fucked the other one up pretty badly, so here it goes. Uh, my friend runs a haunted house every year and I'm sort of co-owner with him. I have access to the Instagram for the haunted house and lately he's been commenting on political posts.

• 1:07:16Stavros Halkias?

  To the haunted house?

• 1:07:17Speaker 04

  Nothing but haunted house stuff. He doesn't post anything besides that. But he uses it for commenting on his personal interests. Like before, it would be about football and random bitches he's commenting on. So I would ignore those, but like, he commented about the UFC fight at the White House somewhere. And for three days, it's been non-stop notifications of people calling him like, a retard, he has a brain of a child, he's fucking dumb. All that.

• 1:07:46Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds like, I mean. They don't seem that far off. If he's using the haunted house to tough politics, he sounds stupid.

• 1:07:55Speaker 04

  Well, what did he say? Was he?

• 1:07:56Stavros Halkias?

  I think it sounds like he was pro. Which one? I don't, I can't tell.

• 1:08:00Speaker 04

  It sounds like he was anti-ethic.

• 1:08:02Stavros Halkias?

  Either way, you're using the haunted house to argue politics is crazy.

• 1:08:07Speaker 04

  Uh, with a haunted house, you mean, you mean the White House?

• 1:08:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, there it is.

• 1:08:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Oh, some, uh, some ghouls. Uh, yeah. Congress, you mean?

• 1:08:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, nice.

• 1:08:17Stavros Halkias?

  Do you mean ghouls like the guy, like Chuck Schumer?

• 1:08:20Speaker 04

  Nice. Why? Oh, pick the one Jewish one?

• 1:08:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I'm sorry. Big Chuck Schumer fan, Sarah. Sarah, actually Sarah Normal would love Chuck Schumer.

• 1:08:32Speaker 04

  Um, how about, okay, Sarah Normal, okay, it'd be like, guys would rather Pokemon Go than vote.

• 1:08:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's close.

• 1:08:44Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:08:44Stavros Halkias?

  I, it, when Hillary said Pokemon Go to the polls, I think the, the fact that it's not really, you know, in the culture anymore hurts that, but you're in the right track. But they're definitely, definitely, she's a big Hillary fan.

• 1:08:57Speaker 04

  Guys would rather watch the Conor McGregor UFC fight than vote at the White House.

• 1:09:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 1:09:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's tough though, cause like, you do make, you, you, like, Sarah Normal can almost never make a good point.

• 1:09:17Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:09:18Stavros Halkias?

  So even calling Conor McGregor Conor McRaper, it's like a little too like politically correct, like, and I mean that literally, like she's too much on the right.

• 1:09:26Speaker 04

  I know what you mean.

• 1:09:27Stavros Halkias?

  She has to kind of like, like Kamala for the wrongest reasons possible. Like something about, she has to love that Kamala was a cop.

• 1:09:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:35Stavros Halkias?

  Like she, that she, you know, whatever. So, stuff like that. They, yeah.

• 1:09:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, it would be like, huh, I bet rape is gonna be legal before a woman's president.

• 1:09:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. Stuff like that's really good. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Or like, or like, oh, we, oh, guys wanna stop funding, um, stop funding Israel? Now that women get to drop, drop the bombs? Like that kind of thing. You know what I mean? Like, oh, guys, oh, we wanna stop war in Iran now that women get to do drones?

• 1:10:05Speaker 04

  Stop funding ICE and start funding my iced strawberry.

• 1:10:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's good. Machiato, I don't know.

• 1:10:14Speaker 04

  Oh, no, now it is the Dennis Leary.

• 1:10:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, oh, yeah, true.

• 1:10:20Stavros Halkias?

  Let's get back to the question.

• 1:10:22Speaker 04

  Things of people calling him like, a retard, he has a brain of a child, he's fucking dumb. All that. I'm pretty far left and he's like on the right, but not really MAGA, but he really is like a.

• 1:10:35Stavros Halkias?

  Al mentality when it comes to politics. So he was particularly impressed with the jet flyover, I guess. That's what he commented on. That's stupid. Um, oh, he also like immediately believes a lot of AI stuff. White House.

• 1:10:52Stavros Halkias?

  Time to get on my haunted house account and tell people.

• 1:10:55Speaker 04

  Wait, so why were people being mean to him on the UFC account if he's like one of them?

• 1:11:01Stavros Halkias?

  I know, I think he posted from the haunted house. He did a status. That was like, this is awesome. And so fans of the haunted house are like, shut the fuck up. We use this, you're, this is a haunted house Facebook and you're fucking stupid also, by the way. I think, I don't know. That's what he commented on. Um, oh, he also like immediately believes a lot of AI stuff is true, like that. That's awesome. X three atlas asteroid. He would post a bunch of like, uh, Michio Kaku AI videos saying that it was real and that it was really aliens. It was crazy. I'm really worried that if he continues, the wrong person might see something he's commenting on and try and cancel the haunted house.

• 1:11:47Stavros Halkias?

  We get like a thousand to fifteen hundred people every year in October. So I'm really worried about the brand he's built. Uh, should I tell him to make another Instagram for him to do all that shit on separately? Or is it really not my place to say?

• 1:12:01Speaker 04

  You gotta.

• 1:12:01Stavros Halkias?

  I'm reading this because I felt like I would leave things out if I didn't type it out, so. So, so I, I, I'm confused here. They run the haunted house together or something?

• 1:12:10Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  Maybe he's one of the.

• 1:12:12Speaker 06

  He said at the beginning, like they kind of do it together.

• 1:12:15Stavros Halkias?

  This is, this is so easy. It's like, you're like, hey, man. Start a fucking fake, like, it's like if me and Eldis were running a business, I guess we technically are. Like if you were, if you were on the, this is actually a perfect example. If you were on the Stavros World Instagram. Posting shit like commenting on like Albania first posts. Either being like Albania number one, fuck Greece or whatever.

• 1:12:39Speaker 06

  Greek pussy.

• 1:12:40Stavros Halkias?

  I would be like, I would literally be like, stop. I mean, if you're doing any, but literally if you're editorializing at all with the company account, I would be like, this is crazy. Stop doing it.

• 1:12:50Speaker 04

  Also, like, I wonder if he even like realizes that he's doing it from his, the wrong account.

• 1:12:55Stavros Halkias?

  He does, because he said he doesn't have any other social media.

• 1:12:57Speaker 04

  This is really funny. So it's like from an account called like the pumpkin, the, the great pumpkin scare.

• 1:13:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:05Speaker 04

  Going like, it's awesome when the plane goes.

• 1:13:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Don't do anything wrong. You don't have to worry about ice breaking down your door.

• 1:13:15Speaker 04

  I mean, that's, that's the real scare, right?

• 1:13:17Stavros Halkias?

  Real haunted house, the fucking White House.

• 1:13:22Speaker 04

  I say that eight times.

• 1:13:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, I think that's actually really the, this seems so insanely simple to me. Where you're like, hey, man. Start your own Facebook. You're fucking our business up.

• 1:13:36Speaker 04

  Or just no more posting.

• 1:13:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no more posting in general.

• 1:13:39Speaker 04

  Actually, Kate Brillant has a good joke about this.

• 1:13:41Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, I know. I wish she was fucking.

• 1:13:45Speaker 04

  And it's about the, the title of her special.

• 1:13:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, it's, it's a great.

• 1:13:49Speaker 04

  It's about commenting.

• 1:13:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, it actually is.

• 1:13:51Speaker 04

  If you're commenting some, I always think this with like, when people are like, come to Brazil, Beyonce.

• 1:13:58Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:13:58Speaker 04

  Like, you think she's gonna see that?

• 1:13:59Stavros Halkias?

  I know, I know, I know. I know. But hey, you know what? That's what fandom is.

• 1:14:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's right. That's very true. That's true.

• 1:14:06Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, this is really fucking simple. Just tell them to stop doing it.

• 1:14:10Speaker 04

  I have actually a Stavros hotline question.

• 1:14:13Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, please.

• 1:14:14Speaker 04

  I have recently.

• 1:14:17Stavros Halkias?

  Go ahead.

• 1:14:17Speaker 04

  What is going on?

• 1:14:18Stavros Halkias?

  Don't worry about it. It's for the next question.

• 1:14:22Speaker 04

  I hate this place. I hate all of you.

• 1:14:24Stavros Halkias?

  It's not for you. Don't worry about it.

• 1:14:25Speaker 04

  I, um, I have recently, so my little brother and my little brother, he's like forty two. My, and my brother, Jack and Jack Ben Singer got me really addicted to UFC.

• 1:14:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell, yeah. That's awesome.

• 1:14:44Speaker 04

  But I feel like, and they're like, I could get them tickets. I could get us all tickets to go, but isn't it a little evil?

• 1:14:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, see.

• 1:14:53Speaker 04

  It's just Dana White is evil.

• 1:14:55Stavros Halkias?

  Dana White is clearly, yeah, I mean, sucking Trump off, like I've said it many times.

• 1:15:00Speaker 04

  You have.

• 1:15:01Stavros Halkias?

  There were times, yeah, I mean.

• 1:15:02Speaker 04

  Does this come up?

• 1:15:03Stavros Halkias?

  Well, just like, if you think Trump is awesome now, you're the dumbest person alive.

• 1:15:08Speaker 04

  And you're evil.

• 1:15:09Stavros Halkias?

  You're stupid or evil or both probably. And if you're still sucking Trump's cock, you're a fucking moron. And I, I believe Dana White has been throating him pretty well recently. And that has put a real damper on my appreciation of the sport.

• 1:15:22Speaker 04

  And you know that they don't get paid.

• 1:15:24Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, it's completely.

• 1:15:25Speaker 04

  They get annihilated.

• 1:15:28Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, it's so fucked up. He, the way that the pay structure is like, well, you get a bonus if you do well. It's like they, they should, the problem is culturally. These guys won't unionize because it's gay.

• 1:15:38Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:15:38Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that's the thing. It's like UFC fighters are like, they say shit like kill what you eat. It's like, that's crazy.

• 1:15:44Speaker 04

  It's a, the, the background of mixed martial arts is working class.

• 1:15:48Stavros Halkias?

  I know. It's a, and it's a really cool sport and it's really fascinating, the different types of like. Styles and, and when a really good fighter is fighting, it's electric.

• 1:15:57Speaker 04

  It's, it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life.

• 1:16:00Stavros Halkias?

  But I, I, I'm, I'm in the same boat where I'm like, yeah, this actually, I, I, you know, I've been in, I was a, I was more of a fan when I was younger, actually. My brothers really like, when, when I, when we were kids, we would go to Buffalo Wild Wings and watch every big pay per view. It's one of the best, like a awesome memory from my like teenage years. And I, I would get in and out and I was getting back into the sport and then, yeah, just the like, the maga like suck off has really damp, put a damper on it. And, you know, I would, if, I would love for them, I mean, they also like are now with the WWE, like now it's one company.

• 1:16:35Speaker 04

  It's WME.

• 1:16:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:37Speaker 04

  My agency, thanks, guys.

• 1:16:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:40Speaker 04

  I hope you guys get me all those movies that I just auditioned for on Stav's, the Stav's podcast.

• 1:16:47Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, I think unfortunately. It sucks because I think like sports is one of the few, like, look, every owner of every sports team is a piece of shit.

• 1:16:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:58Stavros Halkias?

  Typically, like maybe a couple aren't. But yeah, there's something kind of uniquely like we suck Trump's cock coded about the UFC and their willingness.

• 1:17:07Speaker 04

  They did it at the White House.

• 1:17:09Stavros Halkias?

  To be a part of propaganda, to me has made it impossible to enjoy the sport as much as I do. I'll still watch, so, but sometimes if I'm on the fence, I'll just be like, I just don't want them to have my money.

• 1:17:19Speaker 04

  And I just can't.

• 1:17:20Stavros Halkias?

  Bad fellow.

• 1:17:21Speaker 04

  We're talking about unionizing and now you're throwing bats at my head.

• 1:17:25Stavros Halkias?

  Well, well, not, listen, listen. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. We're talking about UFC fighters unionizing. Everyone at Stavros Baby Industries, we're a family. We don't have to worry about that kind of stuff because they know I got their back, Sarah. You know what? That's enough talk about this stuff. Let's get to the next question.

• 1:17:46Stavros Halkias?

  What the hell?

• 1:17:47Speaker 04

  No, I hate this.

• 1:17:48Stavros Halkias?

  What the hell? What the hell is going on? Oh. Keep it twisted. Oh, no, it's time to, ah, it's the keep it twisted spider. It's the twisted tea spider. You can only placate him by taking the hat, putting it on and doing a twisted ass motherfucking question of the week. Oh, fuck. It's fucking, oh, what the hell? Oh, no.

• 1:18:17Stavros Halkias?

  Twisted tea, a delicious ice cold twisted tea, which you should not serve to children, but if you have of age trick or treaters for some reason. Give them one of these. It goes down smooth and easy. Isn't that right, Sarah Normal?

• 1:18:32Speaker 04

  You have no scruples.

• 1:18:33Stavros Halkias?

  Isn't that right, Sarah Normal?

• 1:18:34Speaker 04

  UFC is evil, but you'll.

• 1:18:36Stavros Halkias?

  Keep it twisted. Now, Eldis, what's the motherfucking ass twisted fucked up question of the week?

• 1:18:45Speaker 04

  Hi, Stav. Hi, Eldis. Hi, guests. I hope I'm not too late for a Halloween episode because I definitely need, um, some advice. So my friends and I, we're in our mid twenties. We have a tradition of going to see each other for Halloween. You know, we don't all live in the same place. Really look forward to this, like every year, see my friends. Um, but basically we're going to visit friend number one, um, in her city.

• 1:19:10Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:19:10Speaker 04

  And she's invited this polyamorous man who lives on a boat, who she's been hooking up with kind of like since the summer. To come out with us and join our group costume. And historically she kind of has an interesting taste in men, so it's, it's not a huge deal.

• 1:19:30Stavros Halkias?

  He seems fun. Anyways, turns out he works for the same small company that would say like friend number two just got a job at, which is crazy because she's across the country, but um they went on a work retreat together, friend number two and this like boat guy. And ever since then, he's been texting her like nonstop, being really flirty. And basically, I'm just worried that this guy is trying to fuck both my friends on our Halloween trip. Um, which is fine. Like, I don't think there's anything we can do to stop this man from trying. She talks about a polyamorous guy on a boat, the way celebrities talk about AI. Like, well, it's happening one way or another, so you might as well get on board.

• 1:20:13Stavros Halkias?

  Don't disclose they're being paid fucking millions of dollars to say that kind of bullshit.

• 1:20:17Speaker 04

  She's being paid by Big Polly.

• 1:20:19Stavros Halkias?

  She's being paid by Big Polly. That's so funny that this guy's trying to fuck. Does he know about both of them?

• 1:20:25Speaker 04

  And is she saying that he's Polly because of the way he's acting or his like big thing is he's Polly?

• 1:20:29Stavros Halkias?

  It seems like he's Polly. Stop this man from trying. Um, but my third friend and I are kind of still determined to have fun no matter what. But I guess what I'm asking is, how do we diffuse like his general pervy energy? Um, all night, we're all dressing up like the same thing. Like if he's being creepy, you know, is there any way to kind of like distance ourselves from him if we're all in the same outfit? And then do we go on his weird sex boat? Um, it would be cool to see the city at night, but I don't know if that's just like Wow, you're falling right into his fuck.

• 1:21:08Speaker 04

  It's clearly New York. He clearly has a houseboat in the middle of the way.

• 1:21:12Stavros Halkias?

  Should we go into the spider's cool web?

• 1:21:16Speaker 04

  Why do you feel like that?

• 1:21:17Speaker 06

  She also clarified in a follow-up call that wasn't worth playing, but he already has two girlfriends.

• 1:21:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, of course. So my, my question is, how does the friend feel about him? Because like, look, because you're polyamorous does not mean you can't, you don't, you, you're, you're absolved from regular morality. Like, trying to fuck people within a friend group is rude. Like, trying to fuck both, like, two friends if they're not with it is weird. So

• 1:21:48Speaker 04

  Also, he has a dirty dick.

• 1:21:51Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:21:51Speaker 04

  He's sticking it in a lot of people and he doesn't have a proper shower.

• 1:21:57Stavros Halkias?

  That is a good point. Oh, that's the dirty part. You don't, you don't mean, you don't mean like STDs?

• 1:22:01Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:22:02Stavros Halkias?

  You mean literal dirty?

• 1:22:03Speaker 04

  Like literally, like, he's washing it off in the Long Island Sound.

• 1:22:06Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 1:22:08Speaker 04

  He doesn't have a home.

• 1:22:10Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're right about that. That's tough. I mean,

• 1:22:15Speaker 06

  Does one of fuck him?

• 1:22:16Stavros Halkias?

  Well, one is fucking him.

• 1:22:18Speaker 06

  Right, but could they be, could her or the other friend or both of them be open to like

• 1:22:23Stavros Halkias?

  Convinced to suck him at the same time?

• 1:22:24Speaker 06

  Just fucking him, yeah, sucking his dick at the same time.

• 1:22:26Stavros Halkias?

  Are they cool? How cool are your friends?

• 1:22:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:22:29Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, yeah, it, look.

• 1:22:30Speaker 06

  I mean, if I'm this guy and I'm Polly and I'm like, hey.

• 1:22:34Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:22:34Speaker 06

  The girl I'm fucking and the other girl's texting me too, I'm like, yeah, maybe I'll try to get my dicks double sucked on the boat or something.

• 1:22:40Stavros Halkias?

  But here's the thing, they also work for the same company.

• 1:22:43Speaker 04

  Well, how could he work any job at all if he's so busy having, sucking and fucking?

• 1:22:49Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know. That's the wonders of

• 1:22:50Speaker 06

  He's too Polly to work.

• 1:22:53Stavros Halkias?

  Someone tries to say, I bet you someone has tried to call, claim that as a disability.

• 1:22:59Stavros Halkias?

  Um, I, how did you, so really, so I don't understand, is this a secret? Why is the other friend texting him back and being, like, how does your friend who works with him feel? Is she like, this is weird? Or is she like, this is cool? Why are you and the other friend the only person talking about this? Why don't you get together as a group and discuss this? Um, like, because I'm trying to think, like,

• 1:23:26Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, it's not the same with guys, because it's like, if I, if I brought a Polly girl and she tried to fuck one of my friends, I'd be like, the fuck is wrong with you? Like, get the fuck out of here.

• 1:23:34Speaker 04

  You'd be like, she sounds amazing. Can I get her number?

• 1:23:37Stavros Halkias?

  No, I would, no, no. If a girl tried to, like, I wouldn't want to try, if a girl was hooking up with one of my friends, tried to fuck me at our Halloween party, I would, I would be like, this is weird.

• 1:23:49Speaker 04

  You know, what's interesting though is that she thinks he's, because he has such a bad rap, he's gonna like show up like Uncle Fester, be like, ah.

• 1:24:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:00Speaker 04

  Like, that's not, Polly people's vibe is not that.

• 1:24:04Stavros Halkias?

  This, I mean, that some aren't, but a guy who lives on a boat and has three girlfriends.

• 1:24:08Speaker 04

  Why am I defending him? I'm sorry, that was crazy. Sorry. Sarah, the Sarah Normal.

• 1:24:13Stavros Halkias?

  No, Sarah Normal would hate Polly people.

• 1:24:15Speaker 04

  Wait, I'm doing the Nikki from Obsession thing where like Sarah, Sherman's trying to come out?

• 1:24:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:23Speaker 04

  No, wait, what am I saying? Ah, send him to the electric chair. Ah.

• 1:24:28Stavros Halkias?

  Um, so I don't know, dude. I think, um, he's trying to keep it way too motherfucking twisted if he's trying to fuck both, both your friends. And now, look, I guess I find it weird. I guess it's not so, like, I guess I was hooking up with a polyamorous person. She came to like a friend hang one time. I guess I would invite a friend, but if she was trying to fuck you, I would be like, what the fuck is wrong with you, bitch? I wouldn't be like, oh, cool, maybe we'll double team her. So

• 1:25:00Speaker 04

  Do you not know?

• 1:25:01Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that's what I'm having a hard time deciphering. Is she the only one who understands this? Do the friends know? Like,

• 1:25:08Speaker 04

  Everyone needs to be explaining it to everybody.

• 1:25:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think we need more communication here. Are you afraid he's a, like, yeah, but you do bring up a good point, like, what is he gonna really do? And if the vibes are fucked, uh, he, first of all, why does he get to be part of the group costume?

• 1:25:25Speaker 04

  No, I, none of it.

• 1:25:28Stavros Halkias?

  That is nonsensical. Like, you guys, me, you, straight George and the elusive and mysterious Big P all had a, had a four guy costume and then, you know, like, would our, would the girls we bring with us have to have the same costume? That seems kind of weird.

• 1:25:46Speaker 04

  Also, what's this big costume you guys are all talking about?

• 1:25:49Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know. I mean, we, one time we were Seinfeld, but

• 1:25:52Speaker 04

  No, but what are they?

• 1:25:54Stavros Halkias?

  Each year they all do one, they might all be a minion or some shit. They all pick the same shit to do, basically.

• 1:26:00Speaker 06

  Slutty devil.

• 1:26:01Stavros Halkias?

  Slutty devil's so classic.

• 1:26:02Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:26:03Speaker 04

  I find this to be deeply disturbing.

• 1:26:06Stavros Halkias?

  There's something real, yeah, I guess, I don't, here's, my biggest thing is, I don't think he deserves to be in the sanctity of the group costume. He's somebody's date. And again, bring someone you're casually dating to Halloween, that's actually probably the best. That is, now that I'm saying it out loud, that's the holiday for people you don't ever want to meet your parents, right? You're, the people you're never gonna really seriously date, that is who you bring, you go to Halloween with, right? Because like, that's the most, that's the most like, whatever holiday, it's a party holiday. So, but I don't think he deserves to be there. I think you go on the sex boat, he's not gonna fuck it. What do you, what does he, does he have a Matt Lauer button on the whole boat? Where he's gonna force all of you in there? He doesn't sound like a sex creep. He just, or he doesn't sound like a, he doesn't sound like a molester. He just sounds like a horny guy.

• 1:26:51Stavros Halkias?

  So, you know.

• 1:26:52Speaker 04

  Like anything about this.

• 1:26:54Stavros Halkias?

  I don't love it. I don't love what I'm hearing.

• 1:26:56Speaker 04

  I don't.

• 1:26:56Stavros Halkias?

  I think you need more communication within the group. I think you need to boot him out of the, uh, the group, the group costume.

• 1:27:04Speaker 04

  It's like Polly boat swashbuckling Jack Sparrow.

• 1:27:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:11Speaker 04

  I just see him in my mind right now.

• 1:27:14Stavros Halkias?

  He might hang nice dong though. He might be good at fucking. He's probably awesome at fucking.

• 1:27:18Speaker 04

  I mean, at a certain

• 1:27:19Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe he has a nice hog.

• 1:27:20Speaker 04

  I just, it's

• 1:27:22Stavros Halkias?

  So, look, I think we're aligned here. He's out of the group costume. You guys need to communicate and most importantly

• 1:27:27Speaker 04

  Well, you know me, if someone's trying to have sex with anyone on this advice show, I go, no, nope. You're not, stop. Get, get back to the nunnery.

• 1:27:41Stavros Halkias?

  Get back to the nunnery, says Sarah. And I say, just talk this over with your friends and while you're doing it, crack open an ice cold twisted tea. Nothing, look, whether this guy acts out, he doesn't, one thing's for sure, a way to guarantee a great Halloween, grab a party pack and split it with your friends and have a delicious ice cold and twisted tea. All right. And that's the fucked up ass, motherfucking ass question of the week.

• 1:28:09Stavros Halkias?

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• 1:28:25Speaker 01

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• 1:28:41Stavros Halkias?

  Every family has one. The person who says, "Oh, I don't want anything this year." Cool. Super helpful. Here's the fix. Coop Sleep Goods. It's the rare gift that gets used every single night instead of shoved in a closet by January. Coop's Holiday Gift Guide is now 25% off. Packed with best-selling adjustable pillows, cooling sheets, and toppers. And while you're there, grab one for yourself. I mean, you've been powering through this whole year on fumes. You've earned it. Every order comes with a 100-night trial, so there's no guesswork. Give yourself a damn break. Get 25% off the Holiday Gift Guide for a limited time at coopsleepgoods.com/comedy. That's C-O-O-P, sleepgoods.com/comedy.

• 1:29:30Speaker 04

  He keeps checking his phone.

• 1:29:31Speaker 07

  Davi.

• 1:29:32Stavros Halkias?

  I'm trying to get you to fucking go to your dinner, dumbass.

• 1:29:34Speaker 07

  Dude, I got a problem I didn't think I was gonna have. A couple of months ago, I decided to get a haircut. I wasn't looking for a haircut. My hair was pretty. It was long and honestly basic, but I didn't care. I looked good. But there's this hairstyle that has plagued my brain since I was a kid. And I just stumbled upon the perfect hairstylist on TikTok, founder in my city, so on a whim, got the haircut. It's like an older cut, very 80s, comes with bangs, bunch of layers, and it just comes with its own personality.

• 1:30:09Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:30:10Speaker 07

  At first, didn't recognize myself, thought I made a huge mistake. My besties didn't help either. They didn't say anything bad, but they didn't say anything good.

• 1:30:19Stavros Halkias?

  If you don't get effusive praise from your girlfriends, it means it looks like shit. Girls will gas each other up when they know they look like shit, let alone a new haircut. If you don't get effusive praise, if you don't get a couple divas from a new haircut, it means it's the worst haircut.

• 1:30:35Speaker 04

  I mean, of course, I've never gotten a diva for my haircut.

• 1:30:38Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, well, yeah. That's what I said.

• 1:30:41Speaker 04

  That's why I'm kinda like, sounds like a good haircut to me. If everyone in the street is going, "Ah, Edward Scissorhands, you got a good haircut."

• 1:30:53Speaker 07

  Like, my besties didn't help either. They didn't say anything bad, but they didn't say anything good.

• 1:30:58Speaker 04

  She's reading this off the script.

• 1:30:59Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds like it.

• 1:31:00Speaker 07

  I'm not the type of person to give up easily, though, so I stuck it out, found ways to style it. Come to find out, it actually goes really good with my hairstyle, my natural hair, and goes really good with my face, too. I also, I get compliments all the time from strangers about my hair, but my problem is that the people who are complimenting my hair are either ugly or completely out of my age range. So like, no one that I actually find-

• 1:31:30Speaker 04

  Did you do this to like, attack me?

• 1:31:34Stavros Halkias?

  What, are you having fucking flashbacks, Sarah?

• 1:31:37Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. The pirate from back rooms complimented my hair.

• 1:31:45Speaker 07

  ...are either ugly or completely out of my age range. So like, no one that I actually find attractive. I have this motto that I go by, and it's, "Don't take advice from people who live a life you don't wanna live."

• 1:32:01Speaker 04

  Who are you?

• 1:32:02Speaker 07

  And I think it kinda goes hand in hand with that. Like, I think that's why this is bothering me so much. Like, these people aren't giving me advice, but it's like, people that I don't clearly like or don't care about like something that I'm doing. And something in me is like, hmm, maybe I should stop.

• 1:32:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:22Speaker 07

  I thought I was getting used to the haircut, and I was honestly kinda liking it, but I just, I want hot people to compliment me. I know it's kinda the shallow topic, but I figured that's why you created such a beautiful face. So I guess I'm trying to see if I should accept this lifestyle change, rock the hairstyle, or pack it up, roll my shit back, and go back to being a basic baddie. Also, saw your special. Fucking rocked.

• 1:32:54Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 1:32:55Speaker 07

  I loved it. Go Jags. Love you, Davi.

• 1:32:59Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. This is tough because, go ahead, yeah, you actually, you're the expert here.

• 1:33:04Speaker 04

  I walked through the Gathering of the Juggalos, and people were kissing my feet because of my hair. Boom ass me.

• 1:33:15Speaker 04

  Dude, I'm actually gonna sit this one out.

• 1:33:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:18Speaker 04

  Y'all know where I stand. Homeless guys go crazy for me. They think I'm literally a mirage in the desert and go insane. So I'm gonna sit this one out.

• 1:33:35Stavros Halkias?

  This is interesting because, if you like it, okay, so your motto is, "Don't take advice from people whose life you don't want," whatever, that's fine. But also, you have to decide, an even more fundamental lesson is, you have to control your own happiness here. You can't be looking for outside anything to tell you what, who you are, whatever, what you are. The fact that you, so, look, these ugly people that are complimenting you, is it, are they just, the thing is, like, for everybody who compliments you, there's people who are thinking it but don't say it, right? Also, hot people don't go out of their way to compliment anyone, right?

• 1:34:19Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that's not really how it goes. Were you getting compl-, I would say, don't rank this on compliments now on a vacuum compared to the compliments you used to get. I pers-, now, look, I like, with some notable exceptions, I like when girls have dumb hair. With some very notable exceptions. I think it's cool to have, I think, like, weird, like, color or weird shape, doing something interesting, that's fun. But yes, you are, you're going for something a little more, you're, if you're doing something strange, or, or not even strange, but just like, uh, different, less people are gonna like it.

• 1:35:01Stavros Halkias?

  But the, the reality is, most people like dog shit. The most, the most, the most popular stuff is not the best stuff. You know what I mean? Like, and I wouldn't necessarily-

• 1:35:14Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:35:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:16Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:35:17Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, there are limits to that, though. You do have to, you have to, you have to hit a certain level of success to even be considered, you know, like, for this.

• 1:35:24Speaker 04

  Right. And that's why people don't watch that, though. Because more popular isn't good. Yeah.

• 1:35:31Stavros Halkias?

  But, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, like, uh, the most watched shows are like CBS procedurals that nobody gives a fuck.

• 1:35:38Speaker 04

  Most watched updates.

• 1:35:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:35:40Speaker 04

  Most watched stand-up specials, maybe?

• 1:35:41Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure. Stuff that's maybe in the top 10 for a week, that kinda stuff.

• 1:35:44Speaker 04

  I could've been in the top 10 on HBO. I was in the top 12, I think. Got beat out by a Christmas movie.

• 1:35:53Speaker 04

  No worries.

• 1:35:54Stavros Halkias?

  Tyler Perry was beating my ass. Tyler Perry and a bunch of true crime documentaries were keeping me out of the top 5. But, like, it is shallow, obviously, you are having some shallow stuff. It's like that, you have to decide whether you wanna be the person who dictates, because, by the way, you might not be done. You got the haircut, it wasn't what you wanted, you found a way to style it, maybe you're in part 2 of your metamorphosis here. Maybe you need to style yourself, maybe you need to, maybe you need to ultimately have more confidence in your look, because that's really the difference here. If you believe in yourself, but if you're sheepishly have, if you sheepishly have dumb hair, it's not gonna work for you.

• 1:36:39Stavros Halkias?

  It's, this is really just a line, this is a fork in the road moment for you, where you have to decide, do I wanna be basic, or do I wanna, uh, develop my own sense of style? And look, maybe you continue to experiment, you know, maybe, you, you know, have, it's like, what is the difference between regular hair and this hair in terms of the compliments? But also, compliments, what do you really do with compliments from a stranger? Aren't, isn't a more important, important metric, like, do people you wanna fuck, like, ask you out? Are you dating more? Are you whatever? What are you trying to accomplish? Or do people think you're cool? What are you going for?

• 1:37:19Stavros Halkias?

  Because, yes, being Sarah Normal is be-, is better for more people, but it's like, a less interesting person than, and that's a bad example, uh, 'cause Sarah, Sarah Squirm's not good either.

• 1:37:35Speaker 04

  There's a third thing.

• 1:37:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what's the third thing? When do you figure your shit out?

• 1:37:40Speaker 04

  We don't know yet. We don't know who the third one is.

• 1:37:45Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, that's good.

• 1:37:46Speaker 04

  There's, well, there's Sarah Shurm, there's Sarah Squirm, there's Sarah Normal, and there's gotta be another one, 'cause there has to be.

• 1:37:51Stavros Halkias?

  Knocking around, yeah, yeah.

• 1:37:52Speaker 04

  I, I will say, I live my life with many different hairs on my head.

• 1:37:56Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:37:57Speaker 04

  The compliments that, obviously, more hot people, when I'm walking around 30 Rock wearing this, it's like, people are like, "Oh, my God, finally, you fixed it."

• 1:38:06Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. But you look generic, right?

• 1:38:09Speaker 04

  But it's just, I, I know what it's like to get compliments on two different kinds of hair.

• 1:38:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:16Speaker 04

  It all, the let, even though the fug, the fuggos just get it.

• 1:38:20Stavros Halkias?

  The fuggos do get it.

• 1:38:21Speaker 04

  It's like, I don't respect hot people, I'm sorry.

• 1:38:24Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's a good point. Ugly people might be looking, it's more aspirational.

• 1:38:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:38:30Stavros Halkias?

  But at the same time, an ugly person has to compliment something like a, a bold choice. Cause that's the only way they can stand out. And by the way,

• 1:38:38Speaker 04

  But you.

• 1:38:39Stavros Halkias?

  I'm talk, that, listen to who's talking. My whole life is bold, like looking crazy to,

• 1:38:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:38:45Stavros Halkias?

  To, you know, you know what I mean? Like.

• 1:38:46Speaker 04

  Fugly people like, bro, don't say, I said fugly and then you just pulled up a picture of me on Google?

• 1:38:54Stavros Halkias?

  No, that was the AI. Maybe AI is good. Maybe it is locked in.

• 1:38:58Speaker 04

  They have like lived through shit.

• 1:39:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:01Speaker 04

  Like, you're getting compliments from people who have seen war.

• 1:39:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's true. What do you want? Some like seven that works in adv, seven and a half that works in like, marketing to tell you?

• 1:39:13Speaker 04

  They haven't lived.

• 1:39:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they don't know shit.

• 1:39:15Speaker 04

  Them coming up to you and saying like, I like your hair. It's like, well, I don't fucking give a shit. Because you don't know anything. And you haven't been in the trenches. You don't know what I know. And you haven't had to come up with a personality the way I ha, like,

• 1:39:29Stavros Halkias?

  Fully.

• 1:39:30Speaker 04

  I don't take shit from those people.

• 1:39:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I agree with you.

• 1:39:33Speaker 04

  Their, their, their opinion means nothing to me.

• 1:39:36Stavros Halkias?

  And, but you, but you, and you have to understa, you, it's basically it. You make your decision. Yes. The path of least resistance is basic, basic baddie, regular shit, regular stuff. It's gonna be harder, but more rewarding in the long run, I think, to carve out a personal style that might only work for you. That's gonna be harder and less people will, will, uh, respond to it. But hopefully the ones that real, when you really figure your shit out and dial it in, the people that do respond are your people.

• 1:40:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:40:06Stavros Halkias?

  And that's kinda how I feel. Like when I kinda unlocked this kind of fucking, the long hair and the fucking, you know, looking like this.

• 1:40:13Speaker 04

  When your tooth got knocked out, it just.

• 1:40:16Stavros Halkias?

  Tooth knocked, that was, that started it all.

• 1:40:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:40:18Stavros Halkias?

  That started it all. And yes, and then, yeah, you just find, when you fi, when you distill your essence into a look, it makes it very obvious to people who and what you are. And I'll be honest, like, having this kind of like bald fucked up hair.

• 1:40:32Speaker 04

  What do you call that?

• 1:40:33Stavros Halkias?

  A beautiful, the, the, I don't know, I don't know what I call my tresses. Uh, a bald, the bald pony. I, by the way, I think I'm gonna start doing ponytail for the fall.

• 1:40:43Speaker 04

  Greek restaurant line cook.

• 1:40:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, it, well, not line cook owner, thank you very much. The fuck, line cook. How fucking dare you?

• 1:40:50Speaker 04

  You're wearing a fishnet on your head.

• 1:40:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it was part of the fucking wig. Um, but yes, it is, it is sort of like, like a guy who's pr, who's like connected. He's a very minor figure in crime.

• 1:41:02Speaker 04

  Casino table player.

• 1:41:03Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. Yeah, yeah. Yes. A, a, a low level, a guy who fancies himself a high roller, but is a medium roller, let's be honest.

• 1:41:11Speaker 04

  A used car salesman.

• 1:41:12Stavros Halkias?

  A little bit of that. And there is girls who wanna fuck that guy and they make that known when you look like this.

• 1:41:17Speaker 04

  I don't, I, I, sure, whatever, whatever you say.

• 1:41:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm not looking for you, Sarah. That's the thing. That's why, that, this, actually, this is a perfect example. Neither one of us likes the thing the other person's doing and we're not interested in each other.

• 1:41:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:41:31Stavros Halkias?

  So the, so right now, you will, but people like Sarah, I mean, you know, I'm sure baristas can't stop trying to fuck you and.

• 1:41:39Speaker 04

  I drive them wild.

• 1:41:41Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. And like girls who had a fat charismatic father that owned a, that owned a fucking air conditioning business. They can't, they wanna fuck me. And you find who you want. So anyway, got, girls who love a mob wife aesthetic, you're gonna wanna fuck me.

• 1:41:57Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:41:57Stavros Halkias?

  You, you, when you wanna cosplay some big fat piece of shit, and that exists. So, uh, find your own thing is, is what I would tell you. And, uh, Eldis, what do you have? A quick one for us to get out on so we can get our friend here over to her very important dinner?

• 1:42:13Speaker 04

  I got stuff.

• 1:42:14Speaker 06

  Uh, hey, Stav, guests, Eldis, um, don't, if you can like hear road sounds, because I'm walking on the side of the road right now, don't mind that.

• 1:42:25Speaker 04

  Hope he's okay.

• 1:42:25Speaker 06

  Um, but anyways, I have a Halloween question. So, I don't know if you can tell by my voice, but I'm seventeen, alright?

• 1:42:35Speaker 04

  Aww.

• 1:42:35Speaker 06

  I am a seventeen year old guy.

• 1:42:37Stavros Halkias?

  Cute kid.

• 1:42:37Speaker 06

  I am six foot two. So I'm like, I'm right on the cusp of manhood, alright? I'm like right there.

• 1:42:43Stavros Halkias?

  You're a man, brother.

• 1:42:44Speaker 06

  So, my question.

• 1:42:46Stavros Halkias?

  You're a young man.

• 1:42:47Speaker 06

  Is, oh, I got a kick ass Halloween costume, right? And I'm not very popular.

• 1:42:53Stavros Halkias?

  Aww.

• 1:42:53Speaker 06

  So I'm not going to like parties and whatnot. So, my question to you is how long can I get away with still trick or treating?

• 1:43:02Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:43:03Speaker 06

  Like, I'm still trying to get candy.

• 1:43:04Stavros Halkias?

  This is why you're not getting pussy.

• 1:43:05Speaker 06

  But, I can understand how me and my, you know, frame.

• 1:43:10Stavros Halkias?

  Dude.

• 1:43:10Speaker 04

  I thought he was gonna be cute.

• 1:43:12Speaker 06

  Be like.

• 1:43:12Stavros Halkias?

  He is cute. It is.

• 1:43:13Speaker 06

  And why am I still doing this? You know what I mean?

• 1:43:15Stavros Halkias?

  But you know what?

• 1:43:16Speaker 06

  And it does get to a certain point. Like, I'm not trying to be like twenty-five still doing this.

• 1:43:20Stavros Halkias?

  No dude, you can't do it.

• 1:43:21Speaker 06

  But, is this like, is this kinda it?

• 1:43:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:43:24Speaker 06

  Is this my like last hurrah?

• 1:43:26Stavros Halkias?

  No, no.

• 1:43:26Speaker 06

  Or can I get a few more in?

• 1:43:27Stavros Halkias?

  First of all.

• 1:43:28Speaker 06

  Let me know. Thanks, guys.

• 1:43:29Stavros Halkias?

  You cannot do it this year. Your last hurrah was last year.

• 1:43:33Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:43:33Stavros Halkias?

  How about you and you're also not pussy getting friends, go to fucking Walgreens, buy candy and eat it. You, I'm sure you have twenty dollars between you. Man, listen, no, we are not shading you. You are describing me and El, me and Eldis also did not fuck at seventeen. And we probably put on costumes and got drunk in like the, in Big P's basement. I don't, what did we do at seventeen? Do you remember? When did we go, when did we go? We, we might've gone to a hi, a high school party, actually, now that I think. Maybe we were cooler than you, but still, we weren't getting pussy. Would, do you remember?

• 1:44:09Speaker 06

  Tell, tell your gullible parents you're trick or treating and get some cigarettes, get some booze, get some weed and go get fucked up for like two or three hours.

• 1:44:17Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's true. You know what? Even if girls are around, you and your friends need to practice getting fucked up.

• 1:44:23Speaker 06

  Go be losers while getting fucked up.

• 1:44:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, smoke a little.

• 1:44:25Speaker 06

  The way a seventeen year old should.

• 1:44:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, dude. Drink beers at the, at the train tracks.

• 1:44:29Speaker 04

  I actually have, I know exactly like what he should do.

• 1:44:33Stavros Halkias?

  Hit us, hit us with it.

• 1:44:34Speaker 04

  Okay. I have to say something.

• 1:44:36Stavros Halkias?

  Please.

• 1:44:37Speaker 04

  Everything is less good. Have you guys noticed this?

• 1:44:40Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:44:41Speaker 04

  Everything tastes less.

• 1:44:43Stavros Halkias?

  Everything's worse.

• 1:44:44Speaker 04

  Everything's worse, right?

• 1:44:46Stavros Halkias?

  This candy sucks.

• 1:44:46Speaker 04

  This can, it used to taste different.

• 1:44:49Stavros Halkias?

  It definitely did. No, no, that's, that's.

• 1:44:51Speaker 04

  That's a thing.

• 1:44:52Stavros Halkias?

  The, the, the formula is, they've taken actual chocolate out of it and it tastes like shit.

• 1:44:57Speaker 04

  So, you take this opportu, so that means all the economy, big value candy that you would get trick or treating, that's all crap.

• 1:45:04Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 1:45:05Speaker 04

  Take this fucking goddamn opportunity, go out with your friends, find amazing candy that still tastes good.

• 1:45:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:45:16Speaker 04

  And let, then, then do a, a game and report back. Do some research. Go get nice, good candy. Do taste testing with your friend. Put it in an Excel spreadsheet. Tell us what candy still tastes good.

• 1:45:34Stavros Halkias?

  You know what? That actually would be a better use of your time, is breaking that down.

• 1:45:37Speaker 04

  You know what I'm saying? Because there's, there's a Mr. Beastification happening to all candy.

• 1:45:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 1:45:42Speaker 04

  Which is, it doesn't taste good anymore.

• 1:45:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:44Speaker 04

  Go find out what tastes good still.

• 1:45:48Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, nothing you can buy, nothing this kid has access to. First of all, we don't need to, he can't decide this yet. He doesn't know, he wasn't born into a world where it was good. So let him enjoy.

• 1:45:58Speaker 04

  You're gonna make me cry.

• 1:45:59Stavros Halkias?

  Let him enjoy his shitty twix.

• 1:46:01Speaker 04

  You're really gonna make me cry.

• 1:46:02Stavros Halkias?

  He doesn't need to, he doesn't need to understand he's in the matrix yet, right? Let's not let him open his eyes yet.

• 1:46:07Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:46:08Stavros Halkias?

  I have been a seventeen year old with no, with very little motion, nothing going on. And I'll tell you what you're gonna, you have to, I'm sorry, buddy. It's sad. I get it. You have to stop behaving this way. And it's scary. It's, it's scary. I know that. I remember being scared and how, and how like worried I was, like to, uh, embarrass myself around girls, but the sooner you let go of trick or treating, the closer you will be to, and you're, you're six two. By the way, we're here to tell you, seventeen, six two, if you just shut up and be polite around girls, someone's gonna like you.

• 1:46:49Speaker 04

  Oh, also?

• 1:46:50Speaker 06

  That's not my experience.

• 1:46:51Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's, well, you had busted ass girlfriends in high school, but you did have girl, you have to admit.

• 1:46:56Speaker 06

  I had one, yeah, I guess I had one girlfriend.

• 1:46:59Stavros Halkias?

  That's, this would be progress for this guy.

• 1:47:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:47:01Stavros Halkias?

  And rem, and, and yes, she was busted, but, but you still had a girl. I didn't have a girlfriend in high school. I mean, I touched a couple tits, but I didn't like, you know, nothing crazy.

• 1:47:10Speaker 04

  I, I think it's now the time for the, for, for the student to become the teacher. I think he needs to put his six two ass in a Michael Myers costume.

• 1:47:21Stavros Halkias?

  Hand out candy.

• 1:47:22Speaker 04

  And sit his ass on his front fucking porch with the bowl and hand that.

• 1:47:26Stavros Halkias?

  You know what? Actually.

• 1:47:27Speaker 04

  Pay it forward.

• 1:47:28Stavros Halkias?

  Actually, I would say if you wanna, if you wanna still be in the wholesome.

• 1:47:32Speaker 04

  If you wanna be in the mix.

• 1:47:33Stavros Halkias?

  Mix of trick or treating, yes. You have to hand it out. You and your boys can chill, watch a scary movie, whatever. I think you need to graduate from this and I think you need to get fucked up and at least try and go to a party. Try. How about this? Throw a party for the losers.

• 1:47:49Speaker 04

  I don't think the kids do parties anymore.

• 1:47:52Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:47:53Speaker 04

  I've been doing a couple of college shows. Do you remember when you would do college shows on like Friday, Saturday night?

• 1:47:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:59Speaker 04

  And it's like.

• 1:47:59Stavros Halkias?

  The losers. The ones that aren't fucking.

• 1:48:02Speaker 04

  But now.

• 1:48:03Stavros Halkias?

  It's packed. Well, maybe that's your fans.

• 1:48:09Speaker 04

  No, I was gonna say, it's not packed because they, they wanna see me.

• 1:48:13Stavros Halkias?

  Right. Nothing better going on.

• 1:48:15Speaker 04

  Yeah. I think that that, I think that he is maybe speaking to something.

• 1:48:20Stavros Halkias?

  No, he said, we're not, I'm not very popular, so I'm not going to parties.

• 1:48:22Speaker 04

  But I bet there's just less parties.

• 1:48:24Stavros Halkias?

  There is, but that's, listen, there's less fucking ice caps. Some polar bears gotta survive. You gotta cling to them.

• 1:48:30Speaker 04

  Ice caps, snow caps, good candy, get it.

• 1:48:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good candy. I, look dude, I, this, all I'm saying to you is. You gotta let go of, I'm sorry dude, you gotta let go of your childhood, be a man. You're seventeen, you can't be triggered, as, as, you know what? This is the one time being tall hurts you, because if you were a little guy and you kept the mask on the whole time, and you did a good ass costume, you could sneak out of it. But unless you're going with your little brother, like, just buy some candy and do, do drugs and drink booze.

• 1:49:01Speaker 04

  And this is another thing, Halloween costumes used to be better.

• 1:49:05Stavros Halkias?

  Without question. I know, this is, this is bullshit.

• 1:49:08Speaker 04

  It's crap, it's garbage.

• 1:49:10Stavros Halkias?

  It's crap, it's crap.

• 1:49:11Speaker 04

  Everything is fucking crap.

• 1:49:13Stavros Halkias?

  It's crap, it sucks.

• 1:49:14Speaker 04

  Halloween costumes used to be something.

• 1:49:17Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're absolutely correct.

• 1:49:19Speaker 04

  Everything used, it's made of flammable tissue, it's like, this would dissolve in water.

• 1:49:27Stavros Halkias?

  I know, you're right, it sucks, it fucking sucks.

• 1:49:29Speaker 04

  He is inheriting a world that's nothing.

• 1:49:32Stavros Halkias?

  I know, I know.

• 1:49:33Speaker 04

  He wants, so he's like...

• 1:49:35Stavros Halkias?

  He's trying to cling on to his innocence, I get it.

• 1:49:37Speaker 04

  And not even, he's like, he's like, not even clinging on to his innocence, he's trying to cling on to something because he's inheriting a world that's nothing.

• 1:49:44Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're right, you're right.

• 1:49:45Speaker 04

  He has no, there is no future.

• 1:49:48Stavros Halkias?

  Being an adult now is a nightmare, there's no future, yeah.

• 1:49:50Speaker 04

  So it's like, he's like, I don't...

• 1:49:51Stavros Halkias?

  But you can't crawl back into your mommy's pussy, baby.

• 1:49:54Speaker 04

  Dog's tried, he can't fix. He can't fix.

• 1:49:59Stavros Halkias?

  I'm just saying, you gotta fucking be real sometimes, it's over, man, you're six two, you're seventeen. Don't trick or treat, buy candy, hang out with your boys, and if, or, hand out candy, or...

• 1:50:11Speaker 04

  Put on brain scan.

• 1:50:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:13Speaker 04

  Have a sexual awakening with the trickster character.

• 1:50:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:21Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis is gonna spam his fucking, uh, but yeah dude, I'm sorry, you're a cute kid, and listen, if you have other questions about how to be more popular, if you want to ask us that, if you want to call into a live show...

• 1:50:33Speaker 04

  He has the ability, I heard, I heard...

• 1:50:36Stavros Halkias?

  He was charismatic, he was charismatic.

• 1:50:37Speaker 04

  And he has a sense of humor, and he knows, he knows how to use words.

• 1:50:40Stavros Halkias?

  And you know what?

• 1:50:41Speaker 04

  He's got it, you've got it.

• 1:50:43Stavros Halkias?

  I also empathize with this, because I was, I think we were the same way, we were too hard on ourselves. We really thought we were pieces of shit, no, and by the way, I'm here to tell you, if you're a young man, I mean, a young girl, teenagers in general, like...

• 1:50:57Speaker 04

  If you are funny?

• 1:50:59Stavros Halkias?

  But I'm just saying, people are so, you are so much harder on yourself than like your classmates, than anybody, you think about yourself way more, you're not a piece of shit. It seems like you are, it seems like everything, if you're just nice to people, and generally pleasant, your life will be, you, you can figure the shit out, I promise you.

• 1:51:15Speaker 04

  And be funny, just be funny.

• 1:51:17Stavros Halkias?

  Funny really helps, obviously, it really helps.

• 1:51:19Speaker 04

  It just, if you have nothing, just try to be funny, just be funny.

• 1:51:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but if you're, but if you're not funny, don't force it.

• 1:51:25Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:51:25Stavros Halkias?

  Be nice.

• 1:51:26Speaker 04

  But I could tell he's a little funny.

• 1:51:28Stavros Halkias?

  I like this guy, I like him, and I hear, I hear the low self-esteem that reminds me of me at sixteen, seventeen.

• 1:51:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's like walking down the fucking highway.

• 1:51:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:36Speaker 04

  Looking at his shoes.

• 1:51:38Stavros Halkias?

  But it's over, babe, don't be fucking, you're not a child, man, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, fucking, you know, World War II was happening, you'd be, you'd be shooting howitzers at Hitler's boys right now, dude. You'd be lying to get to fucking, to get to, to the armed services or whatever the fuck. Whatever, who fucking cares, uh, that's Halloween. Thank you.

• 1:52:00Speaker 04

  Sorry I wasn't Kate Berlant.

• 1:52:04Speaker 04

  Watch her special.

• 1:52:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, watch Parmesan on HBO.

• 1:52:08Speaker 04

  Wait, when does this come out?

• 1:52:09Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, it's on Monday, Halloween week.

• 1:52:13Speaker 04

  I have a show at me doing the, hey, just let me have this, I have a show at Town Hall with Patty Harrison.

• 1:52:19Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh.

• 1:52:20Speaker 04

  Please, bye, kids.

• 1:52:21Stavros Halkias?

  Patty's really funny.

• 1:52:24Speaker 06

  Sarah, could you get her on the show for us?

• 1:52:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, ask Patty if she wants to do the show.

• 1:52:31Speaker 04

  Your Halloween episode, no problem. All right, you guys want me to get your drinks on?

• 1:52:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, see you guys, ooh, the spooky episode is over.

• 1:52:57Speaker 00

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