Ep 599 - Weed Wench (feat. Nate Marshall & Lemaire Lee)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support the Broz @ https://www.patreon.com/pitm Go See Matt Live THIS WEEKEND BOISE & SALT LAKE @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live Hello! TGIF. Got the bros in Matt HQ this week. We chop it up classic style. Scuse the lateness - wuz a bizzy week. Hope you all had a good week yourselves. Please enjoy. God Bless. Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The Wild Wild West.

• 0:02Matt McCusker?

  All right, let's start now.

• 0:05Matt McCusker?

  We're, we're talking phrenology, which not a subject. I don't think the sponsors like to talk about phrenology.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Classic Roots album.

• 0:14Speaker 02

  Doesn't bigger, bigger head mean bigger brain?

• 0:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, big forehead means big brain.

• 0:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what I thought.

• 0:20Matt McCusker?

  Big forehead means big brain.

• 0:22Speaker 00

  Good about the animals with big ass heads though. Little ass brains.

• 0:26Speaker 02

  Like which ones?

• 0:27Speaker 00

  That giraffe.

• 0:28Speaker 02

  Giraffe, but it got, it got that big body. So, you know?

• 0:31Speaker 00

  It's a lot of brain.

• 0:32Matt McCusker?

  Brain's just bouncing that thing.

• 0:33Speaker 00

  True. Yeah. When you get a better brain, the head size to body ratio, you do get a smart animal. Elephant.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Elephant.

• 0:40Matt McCusker?

  Dolphin's smart as hell. Dolphin's smart as hell.

• 0:42Speaker 02

  But they got low heads though.

• 0:45Matt McCusker?

  What are you talking about? You ever see a fucking dolphin? They're like, they're, they're body. Do you ever swim with, I can't let that go. Do you ever swim with a dolphin?

• 0:52Speaker 02

  No.

• 0:52Matt McCusker?

  I have.

• 0:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:53Matt McCusker?

  Dolphins are fucking huge, dude.

• 0:55Speaker 02

  Really?

• 0:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I thought they were like tiny little cute things. I was terrified of it.

• 0:59Speaker 00

  It's like couch socks, right?

• 1:01Matt McCusker?

  Like, yeah, dude, easily as big as this couch. I mean, I didn't get to ride on the, I did get to hold the fin and get pulled a little bit, but like that thing would come near me and I was like, yo. They're scared. They're like, and they're like, when I watched the trainer like constantly feeding it really fast. I'm like, oh, if you don't feed this guy, he'll probably ram me with his nose.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  Get pissed.

• 1:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. No, dude, I thought, I thought for sure we were just like, you know, you're just like chill with the dolphin. It was like hanging with the dog. They are fucking scary.

• 1:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28Matt McCusker?

  And they, they like disappear since they can go in the water. So like you're like, where to go? And it pops up and you're like, whoa.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  You know about the lady who jerked off the dolphin for science?

• 1:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. John Lilly's research partner.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. Can you imagine finding like your partner just jerking off a dolphin? And she's like, it's for science.

• 1:48Matt McCusker?

  I don't think, I don't think Lilly was all that, John Lilly, I don't think he was all that surprised. That guy was one of the most far out freakazoids.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:56Matt McCusker?

  Did you ever see any John Lilly interviews?

• 1:58Speaker 00

  No, but I think I heard.

• 1:59Matt McCusker?

  He'd wear like a Davy Crockett hat and like sit down to talk on TV. He was, that guy was fucking nuts.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:05Matt McCusker?

  He wrote a book. I forget what the book is called, but it was, he was, he had gotten funded by the, I think the NIH, National Institute of Health. And he wrote this book and he purposely set it up. So the book in the very first five chapters are like heavy scientific jargon. And then if you get through that, it's just freaky theories about dolphins and how like you should just take ketamine.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  What was he tricking the publishers?

• 2:29Matt McCusker?

  He just, he just like got, the NIH gave him all this money. He's a respected scientist, but he was just like tripping his balls off in a sensory depth tank. And he had to like, I guess, show something for it. And he just was like, he just came up with this like cock and main theory. He's like, it kind of doesn't even make sense. But he's like, by the way, ketamine fucking rules. Dolphins are fucking sick as hell. They came through and they're like, you fucking asshole. They gave him like millions of dollars. And he just started, he just started partying, dude.

• 2:53Speaker 00

  Did his career just start tanking after that? I feel like you start getting into ketamine and shit.

• 2:57Matt McCusker?

  I mean, yeah, he just, I don't, he definitely got no money from the NIH.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Isn't there like a Harvard scientist who does like heroin every day?

• 3:04Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's a, um, guy's from Columbia.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Columbia, yeah.

• 3:08Matt McCusker?

  He's, that's like the drug guy. He's a black dude. He has like, I think he has dreads, little dreads. But yeah, he's a guy who's like, me and my wife do heroin. It's beautiful. Sit by a fireplace and snort a little heroin.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  That's crazy.

• 3:21Matt McCusker?

  It's like, I mean, it's, it's one of those things where it's like, that's cool. It's such a weird thing to be like, no, guys, it's actually good.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:29Matt McCusker?

  It's like, yeah, it's bad for most people.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, you got lucky.

• 3:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, you guys have tremendous discipline.

• 3:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, if I, yeah, so I could use a little H right now for sure. That'd be so nice to come off the fucking road and just have like a gentlemanly fire. Snort some H and just fall out for a little bit.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, with your honey though?

• 3:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  Cuddle your honey? You guys doing H to have it?

• 3:52Speaker 00

  Ooh, a nice cuddle on H?

• 3:54Speaker 02

  It's probably nice and warm.

• 3:59Matt McCusker?

  Maybe that Columbia professor's right.

• 4:02Matt McCusker?

  Maybe we need mo opiates in this country. We don't have enough.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Mo opiates.

• 4:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, mo opiates. Yeah, the country's fucking, people are wilding out right now.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:11Matt McCusker?

  It's all the thing about the goddamn, well, first of all, before we talk about the trans MAGA shooter. Which I, hey, look, that's terrible stuff.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  It's bad stuff.

• 4:20Matt McCusker?

  It's terrible stuff. It's a, politically, it's an absolute puzzle. I don't think anyone knows how to handle.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:25Matt McCusker?

  Your mom's in town. Can we talk about that?

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Yes, yeah.

• 4:29Matt McCusker?

  Is she, she sleeping in the house with you? What room she sleeping in? She's sleeping in Shane's bed. That was an inside joke for me. We were talking about that. Before the camera started, Sean fucking jumped all over it.

• 4:45Matt McCusker?

  Um, but no, where is she gonna sleep? I'm actually genuinely.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Just one of the side rooms.

• 4:49Matt McCusker?

  One of the guest beds?

• 4:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:50Matt McCusker?

  Why not give her the master bed? What the hell?

• 4:53Speaker 02

  Oh, it's Shane, but she was like a.

• 4:56Matt McCusker?

  No, don't ask. Just take a picture of her laying down.

• 5:01Matt McCusker?

  Take a picture of her laying down and go, is this cool?

• 5:09Speaker 03

  Do you remember when you slept in Shane O'Connor's bed at our apartment? And I did that. I took a picture of you in the bed.

• 5:17Speaker 03

  Well, I didn't send it to him. This might be the first he's hearing of it.

• 5:20Speaker 00

  I thought that was a deep secret.

• 5:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I felt like airing it out on the podcast.

• 5:25Matt McCusker?

  Damn, so let me, how, how long ago was this?

• 5:28Speaker 03

  Uh, probably like three years.

• 5:30Matt McCusker?

  How'd you feel sleeping in another man's bed as an adult?

• 5:33Speaker 03

  I have a picture.

• 5:34Speaker 02

  You know, I didn't, I kinda didn't mind. I was.

• 5:37Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 5:38Speaker 02

  Felt like his bed was cheating.

• 5:41Matt McCusker?

  What do you mean?

• 5:41Speaker 02

  I don't know. You know, it's not my bed. I, I'm pretty.

• 5:44Matt McCusker?

  That's the thing. Could you smell him though?

• 5:46Speaker 02

  No, I don't have a good nose.

• 5:48Matt McCusker?

  I got a, I got a keen nose.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:50Matt McCusker?

  And I slept in a guy's bed when I was in college. It was my brother's roommate. I like crashed at their house. It's like, oh, Carl's out of town. And I crashed in his bed and I could just smell him the whole time. It felt like we were like faced, I just.

• 6:04Matt McCusker?

  It was just like his musk. It was so, I remember just being like, and I was like drunk enough to be like, whatever. But I remember just being like, this fucking sucks. I'm never sleeping in a man's bed ever again.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  I've been doing it for so long now.

• 6:19Matt McCusker?

  That's your bed though.

• 6:22Matt McCusker?

  What do you mean? What do you mean?

• 6:24Speaker 02

  I, I don't know, just like, I.

• 6:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're laying, you got sent down on that bed. I'm talking about a bed that a guy, especially like back then, like, talking about just post graduating college. No one's washing. I didn't know you had to wash sheets. I used to wash sheets like once a year, if ever.

• 6:40Speaker 00

  If that.

• 6:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, if that.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  I just washed sheets yesterday.

• 6:43Matt McCusker?

  Did you really?

• 6:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:44Matt McCusker?

  Cause your mom was coming?

• 6:46Speaker 00

  You got your sheets clean for your mom?

• 6:48Matt McCusker?

  When you cleaned your own sheets?

• 6:49Speaker 02

  I needed to clean my sheets.

• 6:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. You cleaned your own?

• 6:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:51Matt McCusker?

  Oh, cause you're about to have to do the like, this is my plate and it's just.

• 6:56Speaker 00

  What did you just have?

• 6:56Matt McCusker?

  Spider, they got attacked by Spiderman.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got attacked by Spiderman.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had to wash everything.

• 7:05Matt McCusker?

  Clean it all up.

• 7:07Speaker 00

  You have a freaky Valentine's day?

• 7:08Speaker 02

  It was a nice Valentine's day.

• 7:11Matt McCusker?

  You didn't ask that. He said you have a freaky Valentine's day.

• 7:14Speaker 00

  You need, you need a lot of sheet, you gotta wash sheets after Valentine's day?

• 7:17Speaker 02

  I, I needed to wash the sheets anyway.

• 7:21Speaker 02

  It'd been about a year, you know?

• 7:25Matt McCusker?

  When was the last time you washed them sheets? That's the picture of La Mer? That's a good pic.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love the pic. I'm sorry, Shane. I should have told you the truth.

• 7:34Speaker 02

  I forget I was wrapped in his covers.

• 7:37Matt McCusker?

  Bro.

• 7:37Speaker 00

  You're shirtless?

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 7:39Speaker 00

  You didn't go, didn't you keep your t-shirt on?

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Oh no, I was on top. I was on top. That's a blanket.

• 7:43Speaker 03

  He was on top of blankets and I gave him my blankets to use as well.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  I was on top of his blankets. I was respectful.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  He still was shirtless though.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  I had to.

• 7:51Matt McCusker?

  Oh, you had to go to sleep.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  I gotta sleep shirtless.

• 7:53Matt McCusker?

  You can't sleep t-shirt one night?

• 7:55Speaker 02

  No.

• 7:55Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 7:55Speaker 00

  That's crazy.

• 7:56Matt McCusker?

  I'm with you on that.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  He's lucky I had my underwear on.

• 8:00Matt McCusker?

  I've had to start wearing boxers to sleep again because I have kids and I'm, I'm none too pleased about it.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  No, it's brutal, dude.

• 8:06Matt McCusker?

  Sleeping naked is such a treat.

• 8:08Speaker 00

  Ah, I don't like it.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  It's prime.

• 8:10Matt McCusker?

  Why, why not?

• 8:10Speaker 00

  I, I think it's, I, I can't get comfortable. I'm like.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  Falls off the bed.

• 8:16Speaker 00

  He making big dick jokes at me. It's crazy. But uh.

• 8:23Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. I just don't. What if you have an emergency in the middle of the night?

• 8:25Speaker 00

  Dick out like.

• 8:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's when you attack.

• 8:29Speaker 00

  I'm scared of that.

• 8:30Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 8:30Speaker 00

  What do you made your mid conflict dude just grabs a hole?

• 8:34Matt McCusker?

  That's exactly where I want to mid conflict. That's my point. I'm going to tantalize him with my sweet penis.

• 8:42Speaker 00

  But he gives you a fucking, uh, he gives you a dick crank mid fight.

• 8:46Matt McCusker?

  Dude, if some, I would instinctively knee someone in the face. You would, you would never move faster. If your dick's out in a fight, you're going to move with like a, you're going to be 50% faster.

• 8:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're all instinct.

• 8:57Matt McCusker?

  Exactly. If someone goes towards your naked penis, you're going to move like a speed.

• 9:03Matt McCusker?

  Boy's going to snag you and you're going to go, hold up. You're going to be working a zipper like, hold up, hold up, hold up. Trying to get in.

• 9:08Speaker 00

  Trying to get his dick.

• 9:09Matt McCusker?

  There has to, there's definitely been, I mean, that must've happened thousands of times throughout history of just like a brutal fight that ends with like two guys each holding each other's dicks. Talk about like tribal warfare.

• 9:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:21Matt McCusker?

  Like, you know, you had like a little shawl around you. There's probably like the weapons go down, people are tired, someone grabs their dick, you grab, you just both just squeeze till the best man wins.

• 9:30Speaker 02

  I think that's the Chinese thing. It's like karate.

• 9:35Matt McCusker?

  You think the Chinese traditionally grab each other's penises?

• 9:38Speaker 02

  Well, cause dude, in karate, you do like, you are supposed to hit like.

• 9:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's kind of crazy to, yeah, to like have like all these, it must be, the real fight to the death is the dick. Grab the dick. Yank.

• 9:49Speaker 00

  It's like, all right, checkmate.

• 9:50Matt McCusker?

  I call it truce.

• 9:52Speaker 00

  Timeout.

• 9:53Matt McCusker?

  Timeout. You grabbed my dick. Timeout.

• 9:55Speaker 00

  It should be like a rule.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Timeout. I'm going to come.

• 9:58Speaker 00

  It should be in the Geneva convention.

• 9:59Matt McCusker?

  Timeout. You grabbed my dick.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  Timeout. I'm about to bust.

• 10:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you'd have to time that out for sure. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, got to tell you guys about this.

• 10:10Speaker 00

  I like this.

• 10:10Matt McCusker?

  I like that too. AG1, the healthy stuff I've been drinking recently. Still just one scoop, once a day, vitamins, minerals, probiotics. All this stuff my actual diet doesn't provide. Mix is great. Doesn't taste like a fistfight. Packaged travel easily if you're on the road doing shows or just too lazy to measure anything out, which dude, come on. They also recently came out with AG1 Pro, the same foundation, but with creatine in one simple delicious drink. So if you're someone who trains a lot or wants to get more impact out of your stack, this one might be worth checking out. So hurry up and go to drink AG1.com slash secret pod and for a limited time only get

• 10:53Matt McCusker?

  a free immune support bundle, including omega three, fish oil and vitamin D three plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 next gen or AG1 pro. That's drink AG1.com slash secret pod. I had a, I had a nice night last night. We went out as my friend's birthday and something happened with the reservation where like there wasn't enough seats. So we had a divided boys table, girls table, and it was just the bros at the one table and the girls were like all the way in the other side. And you know, first we're all laughing like, oh man, whatever. And then like, I was like telling everyone, I'm like, yo, this fucking rules. I was like, dude, for real, like 80 years ago, this is what you would have done.

• 11:33Speaker 00

  It's classic lunch table.

• 11:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 11:36Speaker 00

  Classic lunch table.

• 11:37Matt McCusker?

  It was like kind of fucking tight. Just back in the day, like you would go out to a restaurant and you'd be like, all right, like the women would sit over there and there was just guys just fucking vibing. And there was like, I got so charged up in like the part of the place we were at, there were girls at other tables and I kind of wanted to start going around and being like, yo, guys gotta dip. You guys can't be, this is boy's section right now. This is fucking boy's section. Yeah, dude, it was, I mean, women just started voting not that long ago.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  Dude, almost less than a hundred years ago.

• 12:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, almost less than a hundred, dude.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  I mean, this morning.

• 12:09Matt McCusker?

  Things started falling apart. Nah, it's kind of good for black people. I'll take it back.

• 12:13Speaker 00

  Women voting?

• 12:14Matt McCusker?

  No, I just mean, I was thinking about the last hundred years in general.

• 12:17Speaker 00

  I said things were falling apart.

• 12:18Matt McCusker?

  Voting helped black people. No, no, no, no, no, probably not.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  That's why Susan B. Anthony was like, you guys gonna let black guys vote before us?

• 12:26Matt McCusker?

  I mean, she was doing what she had to do. She was doing what she had to do.

• 12:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was literally, it was kind of like that for real.

• 12:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. You're trying to go to bed and your wife's just hammering you like, do you hear who can vote today? And you're like, Jesus fucking Christ.

• 12:47Matt McCusker?

  It was fun. We had a, we had a, we had a good boy time, girl time. And then, uh,

• 12:51Speaker 02

  Where'd you go?

• 12:52Matt McCusker?

  Uh, what was the place? Murray's? It's pretty nice.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Oh, Steakhouse.

• 12:56Matt McCusker?

  Place. Yeah. It's like, no, it's not a steak. I thought it was a steakhouse too. It's like a English kind of pub thing.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 13:01Matt McCusker?

  But it was nice. Since we were all there, the birthday boy started sending shots to the girls table. What a beast move helping all the fellas out. It was kind of a sick move, but then we started, we instantly started sending them the most sexual shots we could think of. So it started, what was the first, the first one was just like a girl shot, like a lemon drop. And we're all laughing, be like, all right. And then, uh, then they sent us back like a nice shot, like a nice tequila.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 13:26Matt McCusker?

  So we tried to send them back blowjob shots. And then the dude working there was like, we don't have all the ingredients for a blowjob.

• 13:34Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 13:34Matt McCusker?

  It was like, Oh, he said it that sternly. Well, he was just kind of, you know, he was, I think he was on to what we were doing, but he was like, he was just like, you know, they're all like in a rush. It was kind of busy there. Being President's Day and all. And he, uh, and he was just like, we don't have the stuff necessary for blowjob shots. Then we all tried to figure out like, what the fuck are you missing? It's like, isn't it, uh, we look, it's, it's Amaretto and, uh, Bailey's with whipped cream. So you're a bar, you have to have Bailey's and Amaretto. What are you missing? It must've been the whipped cream. So we were, we were talking about getting, uh, how I'm going to start going to bars and just ordering blowjobs and just sipping them.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  You have a whipped cream mustache?

• 14:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we're getting in a big pint glass. It's like double blowjob neat. Big pint glass and just slowly nail on the blowjob the whole time. That'd be fucking, that'd be pretty powerful.

• 14:26Speaker 02

  Powerful. Dude, a Guinness with whipped cream sounds good.

• 14:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that'd be fucking awesome.

• 14:32Matt McCusker?

  Well, so we ordered the blowjobs. He goes, no blowjobs. And then he didn't even consult us. Didn't even consult and just sent them redheaded sluts.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 14:42Matt McCusker?

  He angered the babes. Did? Yeah, they got angered at the redheaded sluts. Why? Cause none of them were redheads.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  They don't taste good.

• 14:49Matt McCusker?

  And they were like, well, the lemon drop was like, ooh, thanks. And then it was like, here's a nice shot of tequila. And then I go, redheaded sluts. It was like the blowjobs. I think they would have laughed and been like, come on, girls. And, you know, it's a blowjob shot. The blowjob shot you take in your mouth, pop it back. The redheaded slut, they were just kind of like, what the fuck is this about? Why'd you send us redheaded sluts?

• 15:12Speaker 02

  That was for your side, Jones. Side Jones table.

• 15:17Speaker 00

  That's for the other table, yeah.

• 15:18Matt McCusker?

  Not too great. But the play worked. Ended up getting a little freaky last night.

• 15:23Speaker 00

  Hey, that's a nice move.

• 15:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. I had to change the sheet. I might have to change the sheet.

• 15:28Matt McCusker?

  Now I miss leaves in town. I can't have my sheets all messed up.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  How close were they to you? Like the table?

• 15:34Matt McCusker?

  Well, we couldn't even see them. They were like completely on another side.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  That's nice.

• 15:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was just bros. It was just bros completely bro-ing down.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  It's like husband and wife chess.

• 15:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it really was. This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. Are you ready to shoot your shot? Get started with PrizePix and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. That's right. PrizePix is now giving you $50 in lineups when you sign up and play your first $5. Football season is over, but that means the action on the hardwood is heating up. And there's no better way to cash in on the high-flying hoops action than PrizePix, where it always feels good to be right. Hmm, what sports am I excited about now that the NFL is over? Well, there's basketball. There's college basketball. When I say basketball, I mean the NBA, college basketball, ice hockey, golf, and the UFC. I'm excited about all of them.

• 16:28Matt McCusker?

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• 17:09Matt McCusker?

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• 17:26Speaker 00

  I had a conflict with my lady in drinking the other day. She, you know, she hasn't drank in like forever, but she just, she stopped in 2020, but she stopped just because she was like, I'm just gonna be inside drinking. She didn't have like an alcohol problem.

• 17:38Matt McCusker?

  I know what you mean.

• 17:39Speaker 00

  And on Valentine's Day, she was thinking about, like we were like at the grocery store, she was thinking about like coming back to drinking. And I don't know, it had me fired up, but it also had me like nervous about, it still felt relapse-y in my mind. So being like, go ahead after.

• 17:55Matt McCusker?

  But she's not sober.

• 17:57Speaker 00

  She's not, she smokes weed and like.

• 17:58Matt McCusker?

  Well, I mean, she, and even alcohol, it wasn't like, I need to quit. She was like, it's just a lifestyle enhancer kind of thing.

• 18:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, she was like, I just don't need it.

• 18:05Matt McCusker?

  And how about, you should do just Valentine's Day.

• 18:07Speaker 00

  I was trying to put that in her mind, but she didn't, she seemed like she was gonna come back all the way. And I was like, I don't, I don't want that. I kinda got used to this. I, because I was thinking about it, I haven't had like a drunk, like, like a lady be drunk around me and it's a problem in years.

• 18:23Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it's, it's the worst. I remember it. There's, there's a sweet spot. That's why with the shots, I was like, hold on now, slow down. Because, you know, we could be holding their hair for another reason too. Too many shots. Too many shots, you're, you're holding the ponytail for not a very fun reason.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:43Matt McCusker?

  Like, oh, it's okay. It's like.

• 18:47Speaker 00

  Fuck.

• 18:49Speaker 02

  God damn it. I did it to myself. Socks.

• 18:54Speaker 00

  I was, I was, all I was thinking was like, if I, if I get her, if I get her boozing again, it might unlock. The back door's been locked for a long time. And I was like, maybe I'll unlock the back door again.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  But that's, but that, that was the only benefit I could have to it. I think I.

• 19:08Matt McCusker?

  Fucking, well, it's so funny because it is like a genuine accomplishment to like, stop drinking for a couple of years. Like, I'll think about drinking again. You're like, you're probably buttfuck you.

• 19:20Matt McCusker?

  But, but to your, you know, to your credit, you're absolutely right. Alcohol is, yeah, it's, I, I'm the same way. It's like, it's women drinking. And again, I'm, I'm, I'm obviously, we're just bros here. I'm not trying to be sexist. We're little bros. It obviously like can be fun. And then there's times where it's like, ah, fuck.

• 19:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:42Matt McCusker?

  My babe was pretty drunk in the Waymo last night and we, we go back and forth because like, you know, I'm a safe driver. I drive safe. We have kids. She's a bit of a speed demon. And the Waymo was like, you know, it did some move, like surprisingly, like busted around the thing. And I, and she was like, I love, and we're always just like, we're talking about how we love Waymos. And she's like, yeah, they don't drive like a pussy. And I was just like, the fuck? Fuck is your problem?

• 20:09Speaker 00

  That's one of them. She doesn't, she's not even meaning it at you, but you're like, no.

• 20:14Matt McCusker?

  It's just that drunk edge. You're like, all right, all right, that's enough.

• 20:20Matt McCusker?

  It was just not pleasant to be like, wow, all right, fuck.

• 20:23Speaker 00

  Yeah. And I have, all I get is weed chills right now, which is kind of.

• 20:26Matt McCusker?

  Weed chill is nice.

• 20:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:28Matt McCusker?

  Nice dude. There's nothing wrong with a weed wench at the house.

• 20:32Matt McCusker?

  It's a nice weed wench.

• 20:34Speaker 00

  Just cooking up a store.

• 20:35Matt McCusker?

  You gotta keep the sack fat though. That's the problem.

• 20:38Speaker 00

  I keep, I keep the sack.

• 20:39Matt McCusker?

  You gotta keep the satchel fucking going. Having a weed wench is decent.

• 20:43Speaker 00

  It's kind of perfect. I, but I.

• 20:45Matt McCusker?

  Nah, it's not going over the back door though.

• 20:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. If anything, it's gonna, if anything, it's gonna lock the back door shut. It's gonna boy lock the back door.

• 20:52Matt McCusker?

  But the back door's locked, but there's peace in the realm. There's peace in the realm.

• 20:57Speaker 00

  It's safe.

• 20:57Matt McCusker?

  You can't have the back door thinking like, oh, and everything's gonna be great. There's gonna be battles.

• 21:03Matt McCusker?

  Did you ever see those Instagram ladies who like, they're like spiritual ladies, but they swear by, they're like, I like to fully throat my husband because it unlocks my chakra.

• 21:12Speaker 00

  I love.

• 21:13Matt McCusker?

  It's a, it's, it's pretty sick, but there's ladies being like, actually having, having anal sex relaxes women. It taps in and it's like, I always try to send that shit to my wife.

• 21:24Matt McCusker?

  It does look like very spiritual talk, but it's just ladies like, and then my husband enters me and we are one.

• 21:30Speaker 00

  I always would have.

• 21:31Matt McCusker?

  That would fucking, that would piss me off, by the way. If you're buttfucking and a lady's like, oh my God, I can feel myself relaxing.

• 21:41Matt McCusker?

  Oh my God, I'm talking to my ancestors now.

• 21:44Speaker 00

  Like, nah, that should be a struggle.

• 21:46Matt McCusker?

  Unlocking the back door is so funny. Again, Saint Nate, dude. Wow. Saint Nate to go.

• 21:53Speaker 00

  No. I, I for real talked her out of, out of wine that day.

• 21:59Matt McCusker?

  You did?

• 21:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, I had a bad, I had a bad end to Valentine's. I told the mayor already, but I got.

• 22:03Matt McCusker?

  What happened?

• 22:04Speaker 00

  Alright, so I spent like, uh, I spent a couple of hours trying to like get her going, just like, you know, working my way to the night.

• 22:12Speaker 00

  By like eight, nine o'clock, we're about to do the D, we're going from the living room to the bedroom. I'm wearing flip flops. And the one like slips to like the, like just the side a little bit and the way it slips, I roll my knee. But I roll my knee in a way that I'm pretty sure like I sprained my MCL a little bit. Man, I went down, I yelled, oh fuck with a hard dick and just fucking, I was just like, couldn't get up.

• 22:37Speaker 00

  Just like, I couldn't move my knee.

• 22:40Matt McCusker?

  You been drinking?

• 22:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was drinking and smoking. So I was like fucked up, did a little trip, fell and just like, I'm wearing, I have a knee brace on.

• 22:48Matt McCusker?

  Oh no.

• 22:49Speaker 00

  Because of like, because of how.

• 22:51Matt McCusker?

  Man, you saved her from that feet.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  That would have been her knee.

• 22:57Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, like I had, like it's still, if I like rub here or bend it weird, it's like still.

• 23:02Speaker 00

  Did you try to be like, no, it's fine? No, we fit, we did, we, we got the D done, but uh, but it wasn't, it was like after, like she, she like ran and got me water. It was like being this close to getting some tripping, falling.

• 23:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, hitting the floor on the way to the bedroom, definitely. If you were to measure scientifically, yeah.

• 23:22Speaker 00

  Like I hit a, I fell this way and then I like.

• 23:30Matt McCusker?

  Damn. You're, that's full on. Now you got a bad leg.

• 23:36Speaker 00

  Ah, my bad legs.

• 23:40Speaker 00

  God damn, my bad leg.

• 23:43Matt McCusker?

  I tried, I tried to hold, I went.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  I was like, I tried to like tug it in.

• 23:49Matt McCusker?

  You were almost in, oh, heaven. You had smoked a little something and drank your little drink.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  I smoked a little something, drank a little drink.

• 23:56Speaker 00

  About to get me some.

• 24:01Speaker 02

  You been macking all day, dude?

• 24:03Speaker 00

  I've been macking all day.

• 24:06Matt McCusker?

  Bro, pitching a tent in linen pants.

• 24:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, definitely fell still hard.

• 24:13Matt McCusker?

  Oh, damn. Damn, there's a Kangol hat just blown.

• 24:20Matt McCusker?

  Kangol just blew in the wind.

• 24:25Matt McCusker?

  Dude, falling, falling in your apartment on Valentine's Day. It's so funny.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're lucky she didn't get the ick, dude.

• 24:35Matt McCusker?

  Nah, she nursed him, she nursed him.

• 24:38Matt McCusker?

  She nursed him.

• 24:38Speaker 00

  I was worried that I wasn't gonna be able to bounce back, but like I was, cause.

• 24:44Matt McCusker?

  No, that, that is, that sounded admirable, he still pulled it off. I'm proud of that. Dang, imagine if you had like chomped a honey stick or something.

• 24:55Speaker 00

  That would have been kinda ideal, cause like after being on the ground for like 10 seconds, it, you know, went away. But if I'd had, if I'd had the honey stick, I would have been there like rock hard.

• 25:05Matt McCusker?

  It should have been like, take me right here.

• 25:09Speaker 00

  Take me, babe.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  I don't think I'm gonna live.

• 25:12Matt McCusker?

  I mean, you could have set off some doctor nurse stuff. Damn, I didn't think about it. It was for real, like, uh, I got like, uh, it was, cause it hurt crazy. I had like, uh, a head rush happen.

• 25:22Speaker 00

  There was a few seconds where I felt like I heard water running in the house that I didn't.

• 25:27Matt McCusker?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 25:28Speaker 00

  I just think it was like, the, cause for real, for it hurt like crazy.

• 25:30Matt McCusker?

  That was probably the water running back up into the body.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  It was just the blood rushing back to my brain.

• 25:41Matt McCusker?

  That was probably just that thing drying out.

• 25:45Matt McCusker?

  She was devastated. I was racing mode.

• 25:52Matt McCusker?

  I just tried to get, I tried to get.

• 25:54Speaker 00

  Sorry, that's inappropriate apology.

• 25:56Matt McCusker?

  I didn't hear what you said.

• 25:57Speaker 00

  On the drain.

• 25:58Matt McCusker?

  I was saying the water here and was the water rushing back up into the woman's body.

• 26:04Matt McCusker?

  That was the thing drying up right over you. Do you hear water running? She was like, no, she was just keeping it to herself.

• 26:12Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 26:13Matt McCusker?

  Dude, here, bust your knee and hear water running is so.

• 26:16Speaker 00

  Crazy.

• 26:17Matt McCusker?

  So you like really fucked your leg up.

• 26:18Speaker 00

  I, yeah, I for real just like went down and was like, I wasn't sure for a while if it, if I like really fucked it up. And then I gave it, you know, like the stand check and I had like a limp. I couldn't put no pressure on it at first. And then I just, this is when she went to go get me water. I just, I got.

• 26:34Matt McCusker?

  That's probably what, that's probably what salvage situation. You probably limped back to bed all cool.

• 26:38Speaker 00

  I got, I got, no, I was, I was up, I was up and in bed by the time she, by the time she came back with the water. So when she saw me, I was incapacitated on the ground. When she came back, I like had mustered up the strength, got back and.

• 26:51Matt McCusker?

  And hopped up?

• 26:52Speaker 00

  Yeah. And I think the booze was probably helping me fight through the, through like the pain in my knee. So, cause it was way worse the next day.

• 26:59Matt McCusker?

  If you don't mind me asking, how'd you pull it off then with the bum knee? We just.

• 27:03Speaker 00

  Um, a lot of, a lot of angles where right leg, right leg was all I needed. Like, like up on the bed, this leg, like, cause I could, once I realized I could bend it, it was cool. I just couldn't put like pressure on it.

• 27:19Matt McCusker?

  Got you.

• 27:19Speaker 00

  So I could have it.

• 27:20Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 27:20Speaker 00

  I was doing this, I started, I started looking at her and Andy yesterday and I was like.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  Just put it up on the bed.

• 27:32Matt McCusker?

  Cartoon screaming.

• 27:36Matt McCusker?

  I thought you just went full bottom, like not obviously.

• 27:39Speaker 00

  Not that, I mean like.

• 27:40Matt McCusker?

  I had to hit, I had to, I had to hit the bottom.

• 27:42Speaker 00

  I thought you had to go slow motion for.

• 27:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, I did. I had to, I had to do, I definitely, it did have me in my head like.

• 27:51Speaker 00

  Were your fingers slipping or could you grip that ass or like?

• 27:53Matt McCusker?

  Everything else was working. Everything else was, everything else was top shelf.

• 27:56Speaker 00

  Did you ever hear that song? My fingers keep slipping. I cannot grip that ass.

• 28:01Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's a duty. Slow mo.

• 28:05Matt McCusker?

  Dang dude, I know I, yeah, I was, I was gone for Valentine's Day. Oh shit. I was in Denver. I made the ultimate sacrifice. Yeah. A gentleman proposed at the show. That's nice. It was very sweet. It was, Brittany set it up. I, yeah, it was a, she kept bringing it up. I'm like, alright, just, you know, tell them to like message me or something. I don't know. I don't know how to do that, you know? So we did, there's shows, Vegas was fun. Denver was very, very fun. And I like, got a picture going into it. They're like, they're like in row H, which was, it was kinda funny because uh, I was talking to the promoter and she was like, they're in row H. And I was like, that's the eighth row. I know that because of uh, white, white nationalist HH is eighty-eight for hell.

• 28:50Matt McCusker?

  Which I literally, it's eight, that's why I've looked it up before. Why do they do like eighty-eight stuff? That's why it's HH. So she was a little bit like, okay, well, yeah, sure. If that's how you wanna gauge it. I was like, so that was like, my whole point being is that's, there are eight rows out. So I had to finish the show and then pretend, it was pretty tricky on my part, that they won, they had won like a raffle. Cause I, I finished the show. And you know, it was like the closer, and then I just stood there for a while. So I think people thought I was like, Like the encore? Like full fan of the opera, like, yes, yes. So then people started, yeah, and I'm like, hold on, hold on, I'm done. But you know, thank you guys for that, but I'm done. And I was like, the club, this is really fucking kind of annoying, but they did like a giveaway or something.

• 29:33Matt McCusker?

  And it was like, pretty poorly played off my part. I was like, yeah, I think you know who you are. They're back there, row H, you got, you won like a cruise or some shit. Why don't you come up here and get it? And uh, I was like, I hate that they're doing this to me. And the guy came up, he like brought his girlfriend, soon to be fiancee, to the very, very front. And uh, Like on stage? No, they stood all this, that's the thing too, it was like a decent drop. So they couldn't like climb up. That'd been crazy. So I kinda like slid him the mic and he just gave, he kinda nailed it. He gave a sick speech in front of like two thousand people and he popped, he bent the knee and everyone was like, That's sick. And then like an app, like they got the videos, a nice video. And like a loser right afterwards, I picked up the mic and I was like, if you said no, I would have beat your fucking ass lady.

• 30:16Matt McCusker?

  They didn't call for that. That guy moved you?

• 30:20Matt McCusker?

  I was just, I was just standing there. I just felt weird. Yeah. It was just like, that was completely unnecessary. I shouldn't have done that. But the uh, I was kidding. Obviously I would have beat her ass. I would have, I would have respected her choice.

• 30:30Speaker 00

  But you get emotional?

• 30:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, me?

• 30:33Speaker 00

  No, her.

• 30:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for sure. Yeah, there was like, there was like women there watching who got emotional. It was V-Day, bro. Love was like, oh, yeah.

• 30:42Speaker 00

  Damn, that dude fucked up a couple dudes' night.

• 30:45Matt McCusker?

  I mean, he was.

• 30:46Speaker 00

  He mocked them. He mocked the whole crowd.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, he love mocked.

• 30:50Matt McCusker?

  It was, it was like absolute love mug on the scale that I've never seen. And it's like, yeah, it was, cause I was kind of scanning, cause I, I am kind of like, uh, you know, I, I kind of am fascinated by female like jealous, like love jealousy. And I was like, just looking for signs of kind of women being like, but they were all just so happy. They're, they're, every woman in there was like, ah, maybe afterwards were like, fucking asshole. And the fuck are you gonna do that? But it was fucking, it was actually kind of sick. I, I didn't know how it was gonna go, but it was very fun. I also, in Vegas, I, I had my whole feed has, was been nothing but the ASU frat leader mugging Clavicular.

• 31:32Matt McCusker?

  I just assumed that every single person knew what they're, what that was. So at one point during the show in Vegas, I just, I hinted at getting a brutal cortisol spike myself. I don't know if you followed it at all, but it's like, after he's mocked, he gets like a severe cortisol spike, which is like, you just want to avoid that at all costs. And, uh, yeah, it's just like right now, no one is an idiot I was talking about.

• 31:56Matt McCusker?

  I did that in Vegas. I was like, yeah, I got like a brutal cortisol spike. And like, was, I thought like at least a handful of people, the whole crowd looked at me like, fuck are you talking about? I had to be like, yeah, and then anyway, I was like, fuck. Nobody knows about Clavicular getting mocked?

• 32:12Speaker 02

  He feels like a plant, dude.

• 32:13Matt McCusker?

  Clavicular?

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:14Matt McCusker?

  I don't know who he is.

• 32:15Speaker 02

  All the Twitch, I feel like everybody like they're streaming is like a plant.

• 32:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you think so?

• 32:20Speaker 02

  They're all rich kids, kids.

• 32:22Matt McCusker?

  Rich kids, kids?

• 32:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, cause like, how can they afford to just do this shit?

• 32:25Matt McCusker?

  Stream all day.

• 32:26Speaker 00

  I mean, especially with the shit you gotta have, a nice computer, nice webcam.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  You gotta have access to fucking Kanye West, like, you know?

• 32:33Matt McCusker?

  Well, I think that came after he was streaming. He, he made, he was like smashing his face with a hammer and smoking meth. So I think that'll get you some views. I mean, look it up. It was Clavicular from, I, I would guess he's not from. Super rich, like a super rich person wouldn't go so far as to smack their face with a hammer.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 32:54Matt McCusker?

  And look smacks.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  I don't know, man.

• 32:57Matt McCusker?

  And then super rich people.

• 32:58Speaker 02

  Super rich people do a lot of weird things. We're discovering.

• 33:01Matt McCusker?

  True, true. Let me see. I don't, I don't think he's, I think he's a classic American tale. I think he's rags to riches.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:11Matt McCusker?

  But no, it is, it is the, uh, it's the weirdest corner. It's the weirdest, that, that whole thing where it's like the Miami Avengers. That's the thing too, like, I bring this up, like everyone knows what I'm talking about. Nobody has any fucking idea.

• 33:22Speaker 00

  I don't know what the Miami Avengers are.

• 33:23Matt McCusker?

  Jesus Christ, I'll just shut the fuck up.

• 33:26Speaker 00

  That's algorithms. Oh, I know.

• 33:27Matt McCusker?

  Levicula, Fuentes.

• 33:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know now.

• 33:29Matt McCusker?

  The Tate Bros. That's like when they all played. They all tried to play hail Hitler and they got in trouble.

• 33:34Speaker 00

  They played eighty-eight in the club.

• 33:35Speaker 02

  Was it Sneako?

• 33:36Matt McCusker?

  Sneako was there as well.

• 33:37Speaker 02

  I saw Sneako at the stand once.

• 33:39Matt McCusker?

  Did you really?

• 33:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was him and his bro and they're eating chicken tenders.

• 33:44Matt McCusker?

  The hell's so funny about that? Streamers got, streamers got it.

• 33:49Matt McCusker?

  You eat chicken tenders? You're basically a streamer.

• 33:50Speaker 02

  I wouldn't, I wouldn't order chicken tenders from the stand, though.

• 33:53Speaker 00

  I don't even think they're on the menu. I think you just gotta ask for chicken tenders and they go, yeah, we got them.

• 33:59Matt McCusker?

  You gotta do, you gotta do mega numbers on the fucking stream. You got chicken tendies there.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 34:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that, uh, that whole thing's been really funny. But no, I've, I've been watching now where Andrew Tate's like handing the baton to Levicula, being like, you're the new guy. You must break us free from the matrix. All those guys are in, they're more in the matrix than anybody else.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I would argue way more than matrix.

• 34:22Speaker 02

  They're Mr. Anderson's.

• 34:23Matt McCusker?

  What's Mr. Anderson? You think they're Agent Smith's or something?

• 34:25Speaker 02

  Agent Smith's, yeah.

• 34:26Matt McCusker?

  Who's Mr. Anderson?

• 34:26Speaker 02

  Mr. Anderson's Neo. Agent Smith is Agent Smith.

• 34:29Matt McCusker?

  So you think they're Neos?

• 34:31Speaker 02

  No, I think they think they're Neos, but they're Agent Smith's.

• 34:34Speaker 00

  And there's so many of them. Keep multiplying.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:37Speaker 00

  Keep multiplying all the exact same guy, just a little different looking.

• 34:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, you might be right.

• 34:42Speaker 02

  They're all trying to be Johnny Bravo.

• 34:43Matt McCusker?

  I feel like, yeah, if you're, if you're like working primarily online, you're definitely in the matrix.

• 34:48Speaker 00

  You could not be.

• 34:49Matt McCusker?

  You are. Your, your whole life, most of your life is in like a augmented kind of alternate reality. The internet is the matrix.

• 34:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:57Matt McCusker?

  Sorry, guys. I'm fucking dropping gems right now. But yeah, I don't know. There was, that's the, I don't know. I don't know if they've escaped. I don't, I mean, that's just the matrix. You don't know if you're in or not. So.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  Man, I had a million dollar idea yesterday on panties.

• 35:10Matt McCusker?

  What is it?

• 35:10Speaker 02

  We're, we're gonna, uh, we're gonna rig a Kashi bit.

• 35:14Matt McCusker?

  A what?

• 35:14Speaker 02

  We're gonna rig it. You know, Kashi and Polly Market, they're like the, you can bet on like reality.

• 35:20Matt McCusker?

  Got you.

• 35:20Speaker 02

  Predict your markets. We're gonna rig one.

• 35:23Matt McCusker?

  What is it gonna be?

• 35:23Speaker 02

  Well, I'm, you know, February 27th, Hillary Clinton.

• 35:26Matt McCusker?

  You can't rig this one. This is, I do like your theory though. Let's have it.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  Fe- February 27th, Bill Clinton, Hillary, Hillary, they're doing a deposition on the Epstein stuff.

• 35:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 35:36Speaker 02

  And like, what if like?

• 35:38Matt McCusker?

  10 days.

• 35:39Speaker 02

  They just like hold hands and they're like, it's okay, honey. It's okay. And then they turn the lizards. They just shapeshifted the lizards. I'm saying we make a Kashi bet that says Will, Bill and Hillary shapeshifted the lizards. Yes or no?

• 35:54Matt McCusker?

  Brother, how do you cash it on the bet?

• 35:56Speaker 00

  That's what I said. No, you can't rig it.

• 35:57Speaker 02

  You, you don't, well, it's not.

• 35:59Matt McCusker?

  You just pick no.

• 36:00Speaker 02

  No, creating the, yeah, you pick no and creating the like, creating the idea can warp reality in a way that's fucked up. I don't know. You know what I'm saying?

• 36:11Matt McCusker?

  You have way more people picking no though.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. But yeah.

• 36:16Speaker 00

  But you really believe they're gonna shapeshift with the lizards. So you think you gotta. You think you gotta shoe in. You think you got a hundred percent.

• 36:25Matt McCusker?

  Oh, so you would bet on they are lizards.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  I'd bet yes. Yeah, I'd bet a penny on yes.

• 36:29Matt McCusker?

  That's not a bad idea.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  Cause you're like.

• 36:31Matt McCusker?

  A penny? Yeah. Hey, look, I'm there. That is technically a million dollar idea. Cause if they don't, you're down a penny. If they do, you're the world's richest man. It's you against the world on the lizard bet.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  I think you get some of the backend of placing the bet.

• 36:46Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 36:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. I think you get some of that money too.

• 36:48Matt McCusker?

  That's pretty cool.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:50Matt McCusker?

  It's like the new, uh, fucking, what was everybody doing? Uh, what was like the digital gift thing that people are doing or the?

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Oh, NFTs.

• 36:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's like an NFT and create stupid bets and. Convince people to do them.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:02Matt McCusker?

  I'm, I'm like bugged out now. I don't know. I'm like worried about sending horny emails to anybody right now. Dude, that's like, you don't know. You got, everyone's gonna tighten up now.

• 37:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:11Matt McCusker?

  Somebody in your squad's a pedo and you send them a horny email. You're fucking toast.

• 37:15Speaker 02

  Dude, not a whole squad.

• 37:16Matt McCusker?

  Whole squad. Whole squad's fucking down.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  Dude, if like my AI ever got mad at me, I can't turn it off because of my emails that exist.

• 37:26Matt McCusker?

  What do you mean?

• 37:28Speaker 02

  There's some horny emails in one of my emails.

• 37:30Matt McCusker?

  You're emailing horny?

• 37:32Speaker 02

  Back in the day.

• 37:33Matt McCusker?

  Ah, okay.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  Back in the day.

• 37:35Matt McCusker?

  No, yeah, I got a couple news. Send your horny emails?

• 37:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:38Matt McCusker?

  How can your AI know your email? My AI don't got access to my email. You talking about chat?

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Your AI has access to your email.

• 37:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, everything has. Like, Google has it. Every, every, every time I've converted like a file, I give it like my whole fucking life. Anytime I'm like, I need to take an MP3 out of this video. They're like, give us your entire online life. I'm like, yeah, you can have it.

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Alright, here you go.

• 37:59Matt McCusker?

  I really want the sound file for my Patreon.

• 38:03Matt McCusker?

  I mean, what would it really even, that's, it wouldn't get you on anything bad. A horny email, as long as it's not connected to a pedophile, you're fine.

• 38:09Speaker 02

  Yeah. Now, they're trying to, or you have a wife, they're trying to get, uh, like some editors in trouble because they're like, turn your stuff off. Make it, yeah.

• 38:19Matt McCusker?

  What? Get out of your email? What do you mean?

• 38:21Speaker 02

  They're just like, they're, they're getting a.

• 38:23Matt McCusker?

  First of all, I love how you say a thing halfway and you go, yeah.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  I heard the rest in my head. I'm sorry.

• 38:31Matt McCusker?

  You know, I think, yeah.

• 38:33Speaker 02

  We got it out. We said it all.

• 38:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I, I think what they should do now with the Epstein files, because again, it's like, are, is there gonna be the bombshell that really rocks the na- I mean, the nation's been rocked, I guess, just, you know? But it, are they gonna name, like, is it gonna be proof? Like, if they were to, like, get Trump red-handed, if they got the Clintons red-handed, is there gonna be that kind of proof? I, again, I, I don't think so, because I think they obviously just, like, went and took all that stuff out. But would it be cool if they took it, they, they like took down all, like, the free Epstein searches and they built like a big statue in every city? And you could pay a quarter to get like a couple of names out of the email database. Pretty tight.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  That would suck.

• 39:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. And the money could go to, like, the victims.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, like Jay-Z.

• 39:23Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:23Speaker 04

  Jay-Z can be the mediator.

• 39:24Matt McCusker?

  We just need a big breach. Remember when he had that big breach for, uh, what was that website? That was like for cheating couple or cheater?

• 39:30Speaker 04

  Ashley Madison.

• 39:31Matt McCusker?

  Ashley Madison.

• 39:32Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:32Matt McCusker?

  The big breach. You could just search names and be like, oh, shit.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:36Matt McCusker?

  Who's? I just, oh, yeah. I saw a clip of someone talking about their dad, them finding out their dad had been on it pretty heavy.

• 39:41Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 39:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 39:43Speaker 04

  Just solo, not with the mom?

• 39:45Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. You know, I think he was.

• 39:46Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. It was a cheat.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Sometimes it's tough on a dad.

• 39:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I mean, dude, trust me.

• 39:53Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 39:58Speaker 04

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• 39:58Matt McCusker?

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• 40:39Matt McCusker?

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• 40:55Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 40:56Matt McCusker?

  You're a fool.

• 40:57Speaker 04

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• 40:58Matt McCusker?

  A pity that NutraFol.

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• 41:16Matt McCusker?

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• 41:48Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  Dad should be able to get jerked off at the.

• 41:52Speaker 00

  It dance be able to get jerked off.

• 41:53Matt McCusker?

  I've, I've heard of situations like that. The problem is, is like, I wouldn't really like my wife being like, yeah, just let that lady go jerk you off. It would bother me. If I had permission to do it, I would just be like, my wife thinks I'm pathetic. The whole time I'd be, the whole time I'd be getting jerked off, I'd be like, you'd come back from it and she'd be like, how was it? And you'd be like, I feel embarrassed.

• 42:18Speaker 00

  I feel embarrassed that we're talking about this.

• 42:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like, I used to feel humiliated to do that when I was like a single young man.

• 42:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:24Matt McCusker?

  Coming back to your family or wife's like, are you good now? I'm being like, fuck dude, I'm such a piece of shit. You know what I mean? I've heard that too. Like, I used to be a proponent of the medical handjob argument.

• 42:36Matt McCusker?

  But the more I think about it, it's like, you just gotta let, you know, you gotta let your dick die.

• 42:40Speaker 00

  I, I, I gotta, I gotta freaky question. I was, I ran this by La Mer the other day. Freaky question about you. Alright, so this is a two-part question.

• 42:49Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 42:50Speaker 00

  First one, would you let your lady use a pocket, like a flashlight on you?

• 42:55Matt McCusker?

  I think I have before.

• 42:56Speaker 00

  Sick? I think that's a universal yes. I think that's a universal yes.

• 43:01Matt McCusker?

  Obviously.

• 43:02Speaker 00

  Alright, so this is, have you ever seen, have you ever seen these sex toys? They're about like this big. They're no, they don't have arms or legs, but they have like, big tits and fat asses.

• 43:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, torso, bro.

• 43:13Speaker 00

  It's just the torso.

• 43:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man.

• 43:14Speaker 00

  Would you, would you have a threesome with your lady and, we were calling it a nugget.

• 43:18Speaker 02

  We're calling it a nugget.

• 43:19Speaker 00

  A nugget. Would you, in a, in a torso nugget?

• 43:21Matt McCusker?

  What's the term for the same?

• 43:22Speaker 00

  Nugget.

• 43:22Matt McCusker?

  A nugget.

• 43:23Speaker 00

  It's a torso nugget.

• 43:27Speaker 00

  Stumps are going to.

• 43:29Matt McCusker?

  No, no, I, I wouldn't because it'd be like, here's the thing.

• 43:36Speaker 00

  Everybody keeps saying no.

• 43:38Matt McCusker?

  I'll give you the reason. Hold on, do they have tits?

• 43:39Speaker 00

  They have huge tits.

• 43:41Matt McCusker?

  I might.

• 43:42Speaker 00

  Realistic tits.

• 43:43Matt McCusker?

  I might kind of like, uh, I don't know if I would insert into the torso, because if I'm already...

• 43:48Speaker 00

  That was my argument. I would like to watch my lady play with these fake titties while I have sex with my lady.

• 43:55Matt McCusker?

  That's not bad. I was thinking of like banging a torso in front of your babe.

• 44:01Speaker 00

  No, that feels.

• 44:02Matt McCusker?

  That would be crazy.

• 44:03Speaker 00

  That feels, it feels like fucking a body in front of your lady.

• 44:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 44:07Speaker 00

  But like, like a big, but.

• 44:09Matt McCusker?

  The torso would be weird. I mean, I would like suck the torso's nipples, probably.

• 44:13Speaker 00

  Or watch her do it. Like, I don't know. Again, I think this is where you run into, it sounds cool in theory, but then you watch your wife suck a torso's nipples and you go, what the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing?

• 44:25Speaker 03

  The lack of a head really ruins the stump.

• 44:27Speaker 00

  That's what.

• 44:28Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 44:28Speaker 00

  That's what Pat said.

• 44:31Matt McCusker?

  But then it's like, do you really want a fake head?

• 44:33Speaker 03

  No, yeah, that's a good point.

• 44:34Speaker 00

  That's like, you ever see, I saw these when I was a kid. They used to be on the show Real Sex. It was like, they're like real sex dolls. They're $10,000 for like a fake person. That's even crazier in my mind. To have a body, a real human, like a body.

• 44:47Speaker 03

  I'm not saying that it's cooler.

• 44:49Speaker 00

  I feel you.

• 44:50Speaker 03

  The stump is kind of weird.

• 44:52Matt McCusker?

  My thing is, you think that fake head is crazy until you're kissing the pillow while you're humping the torso. There you go. There you go. I should have sprang to that fake head. Been kissing a fake face instead of kissing this pillow right now. I was telling my brother today, I have, I've never done it, but I have like really strongly considered traveling from like place to place for like my road setup being torso and Oculus.

• 45:21Matt McCusker?

  And I'm like, I just can't, like every time I even like think I'm getting close to it, I'm like, dude, I would end up like afterwards crying into the Oculus.

• 45:34Matt McCusker?

  Dude, that's the thing with the fleshlight. Like it sounds cool in theory. Once you do it once, you're like, this is just like, you, the only way you can do a fleshlight in my, my opinion is that you have to just be like, I'm not going to talk to women anymore. You can't be, have women in your life and use a fleshlight. If you're just like, dude, I'm done with women. I'm just going to fleshlight. Fair enough. But to like, cause then it's like, dude, there's something about it. Like if you're like, if you have a fleshlight and you're using it, you're like, oh, this is great. Way better than jerking off. Then you try to date a lady, the, the chances of her finding that thing, I think is kind of a devastating.

• 46:07Speaker 00

  It's a hundred percent. Well, you gotta, you gotta just put it right, put it right out there. Like, hey, I have a body. I have a fleshlight. I have a body I have had sex with.

• 46:15Matt McCusker?

  Hello, hey, me, my new girl, my old girlfriend.

• 46:18Speaker 02

  New girlfriend, meet old girlfriend.

• 46:21Speaker 00

  I don't know, I think it's just not, like, it should be, ladies get all, all, every sex toy I own is for my lady. You know what I mean? Can I get one?

• 46:29Speaker 02

  You gotta get the egg, dude.

• 46:31Speaker 00

  The egg? That's, that's for the lady still?

• 46:33Speaker 02

  No, you ever seen the tanga egg? Not the tanga egg, it's like the jelly thing and you're like.

• 46:38Speaker 00

  Oh, the thing that's like.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  What are you talking about?

• 46:40Speaker 00

  Fleshlight, but it looks like flubber.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  But it like twists and you're like, yeah. You gotta get one of those things.

• 46:45Speaker 00

  That's just like a fleshlight, that's like a fleshlight that doesn't look like a vagina.

• 46:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, bro. Hold on, well, again, you can do whatever you want, we live in a free country.

• 46:55Speaker 00

  That's true.

• 46:56Matt McCusker?

  So you can get your jelly twist or fleshlight if you want. I'm, again, I'm not against it, I'm not, you know, I'm not like puritanical about this, I'm just like, I have, have you, you guys have used a fleshlight before, I'm guessing?

• 47:06Speaker 00

  No, I never have.

• 47:08Matt McCusker?

  Yes, I have, you never have?

• 47:09Speaker 00

  Never.

• 47:11Matt McCusker?

  Dealing with fleshlights, you, you've taken down many fleshlights?

• 47:13Speaker 02

  Multiple iterations of fleshlights, like different types, yeah, different models.

• 47:20Matt McCusker?

  Something of a ladies, man.

• 47:22Speaker 00

  Didn't a lady give you her fleshlight like it's her pussy?

• 47:25Speaker 02

  Alexa Fox.

• 47:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:27Matt McCusker?

  The problem is when you, the moment you finish them, with them, I, for me personally, it's like a, a dark cloud just settles inside of you and there's something it knows inside of you, like, this is wrong.

• 47:42Matt McCusker?

  It's, there's like a level of sadness that when you finish and you're like, fuck this, because you gotta maintain them too.

• 47:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:49Matt McCusker?

  You gotta clean.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  Oh, that's the worst.

• 47:51Matt McCusker?

  You gotta clean them, that's like, again, it's like, you don't think about it till you have it and use it and you go, I'm not gonna clean this thing.

• 48:00Matt McCusker?

  And then it starts to either stink to where you're like, dude, I've had a pussy for two days and it stinks.

• 48:07Matt McCusker?

  And it's like, I'm telling you, man, it's like when you like eat a meal cooked by yourself and wash the dishes alone.

• 48:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Cooking a, or, or just cleaning a fleshlight and trying to like, you're supposed to technically powder the thing.

• 48:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:19Matt McCusker?

  To where it's like, at that point, you're just on a, you're on the highway to just something terrible.

• 48:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:25Matt McCusker?

  No, dude, powdering your fleshlight for the thousandth time.

• 48:30Matt McCusker?

  Was that all the difference, is that the?

• 48:36Speaker 02

  It's a jerk off thing, right?

• 48:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 48:38Speaker 00

  Where'd you learn about the tanga egg from?

• 48:40Speaker 02

  Twitter. Twitter.

• 48:42Speaker 00

  So you have freaky Twitter?

• 48:43Speaker 02

  I have, I have a list. I have a hidden list. I just found, uh, thick Asians and added to the list.

• 48:49Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 48:50Matt McCusker?

  Not bad.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  Dude, but yeah.

• 48:51Speaker 00

  Back before we get off the, the, the nub subject, the nugget subject, I think I just really wanna see my lady suck titties. And there's not a real way to, like, she's not gonna suck a lady's titties. Gotta get her back on the bottle. Gotta get her back. So I didn't mean to see, but you gotta bang her on the bottle. See, I feel like, I feel like I'd.

• 49:10Matt McCusker?

  Bro, get the procedure. Get them yourself.

• 49:14Matt McCusker?

  Go in, go in-house.

• 49:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:16Matt McCusker?

  Go in, get to like some humble bees.

• 49:19Matt McCusker?

  You should go full in-house and just wear like, uh, just wear some sort of garb that covers your mask. Your fucking perky little tits.

• 49:27Speaker 02

  Just dress like a stud.

• 49:29Speaker 00

  Mash them down.

• 49:33Matt McCusker?

  Or, yeah, I mean, or, I mean, then it's like, again, you have to go to a strip club with your babe, which is, that's a nightmare.

• 49:38Speaker 02

  And it's more expensive.

• 49:39Matt McCusker?

  I didn't get a lot of, I don't mean to be a negative Nancy right now, but I didn't get a lot of sleep, but it's again, strip club with your babe. Well, this will be cool. You do it and you go, give me the fuck out of here right now.

• 49:47Speaker 00

  I've been in a strip club with my babe a couple of times. I've had, I had fun.

• 49:50Matt McCusker?

  You liked it?

• 49:50Speaker 00

  I had fun. I think I went.

• 49:52Matt McCusker?

  Did I go with you and my babe? So how, how do you?

• 49:55Speaker 02

  Gia de Michael's.

• 49:55Speaker 00

  That's when we saw Gia de Michael's.

• 49:59Matt McCusker?

  How did you comport yourself at the strip club? Cause it's like kind of a weird thing. Cause it's like.

• 50:03Speaker 00

  Well, my babe, we might, me and my babe were still kinda nude and so we were just having like fun. It wasn't.

• 50:10Matt McCusker?

  Like both grabbing titties or like?

• 50:11Speaker 00

  I, I had no attachments. It was like, this might be, damn, I hope she don't care about it. Whatever.

• 50:17Matt McCusker?

  I talked, me and Brittany went to a strip club once.

• 50:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:19Matt McCusker?

  I just felt like I was there with my, it's like, it's like bringing, uh, this is a terrible analogy, but it's like bringing your dog to a dog shelter.

• 50:28Matt McCusker?

  Dog park.

• 50:29Speaker 00

  It's the dog park.

• 50:30Matt McCusker?

  Not the dog park. I there's something sad because I was like, we're about to go home and like, you know, share an apartment and these ladies are.

• 50:37Speaker 00

  Oh, can we bring three of them with us?

• 50:40Matt McCusker?

  That's a bad analogy, but there was something where I'm like, we have a, you know, a relationship and then these ladies out here kind of like, you know, shaking their buttholes in my face.

• 50:49Speaker 00

  I haven't been with my lady since we were still, this is before I even lived in New Jersey. So this would have been like nine years ago or more. So I don't even know how I feel now, but then it just was, we got like a couples dance. That was cool. Just having the lady dance with both of us. It was kind of the best thing. I wish I could go back to that.

• 51:08Matt McCusker?

  It's like, it's something weird about that. You know what it is? Cause you can't like, can't go all out. Like you're, you're the strip club. You gotta, now you're really, it's really putting the gentleman in gentleman's club.

• 51:16Speaker 00

  It, yeah.

• 51:17Matt McCusker?

  You have to just be like, oh, yes. Great job. Oh, fantastic.

• 51:20Speaker 00

  That's a hundred percent what happened.

• 51:22Matt McCusker?

  I guess I'll suck your nipples for a second.

• 51:24Speaker 00

  They do go, you do, it is, it becomes a spectator sport then, like you, it's, they see you with a lady and the strippers just go like, all the attention you would get goes to her now. Like, you give them the dollar, they put the titties in her face. And that was like the.

• 51:39Matt McCusker?

  You can get this, you can, you can, one dollar, you can do your nipple suck fantasy right away.

• 51:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:44Matt McCusker?

  I don't know if I want her sucking a stripper's titty though. You're so fucking picky.

• 51:50Speaker 00

  Brother suck a pussy.

• 51:51Matt McCusker?

  Torso? Dude, it's so much more empowering for the sucking stripper's nipple there. If you have Bay sucking on the torso, dude.

• 51:58Speaker 00

  It's gonna taste like metal when she's gonna have hair in her mouth. I haven't presented this to her either. I keep saying it on podcasts, hope she just listens to the episode.

• 52:08Matt McCusker?

  It surprises you?

• 52:09Speaker 00

  It just, just gives a torso.

• 52:13Matt McCusker?

  Valentine's Day was the ultimate window.

• 52:15Speaker 00

  I know.

• 52:16Matt McCusker?

  You could have got like chocolates, flowers, just had the tors, you guys could have had like.

• 52:19Speaker 00

  Just had it set around.

• 52:22Matt McCusker?

  You guys could have had sushi off the torso.

• 52:27Matt McCusker?

  One more thing before we go to bed. Ah, fuck my knee.

• 52:34Speaker 00

  You're doing body shots off the torso?

• 52:38Matt McCusker?

  Claw back in the bed, just. I mean, you're right, there's.

• 52:43Speaker 00

  We were waiting.

• 52:47Matt McCusker?

  The action goes on without you. You're just like, no. She makes me watch. Cucked by the torso?

• 52:53Speaker 00

  That's crazy.

• 52:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, that's, uh, that's fun. I mean, yeah, I mean, you should do whatever you want. You gotta, you gotta keep everything alive and the juice is flowing for sure.

• 53:01Speaker 00

  I was just more so curious. I, I got such a heavy no from everybody and I was like, that can't be, but it might just be me. Maybe I'm, maybe I'm a fucking weirdo.

• 53:09Matt McCusker?

  No on their babe sucking the torso.

• 53:11Speaker 00

  The only, there was only, Pat, Pat George was the only one who was like, I kinda see the vision. And, uh, everybody else was like, nah.

• 53:20Speaker 02

  But he's also been married forever.

• 53:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I mean, I'm, I'm not, I wouldn't be like offended. I would just, my problem is like, I guess there's certain things when you pull, you know, when you pull things out of Pandora's box, they can't go back in.

• 53:33Speaker 00

  A hundred percent.

• 53:34Matt McCusker?

  So you don't know, they could suck the torso. That could be a real serious moment of reckoning. Where they're sucking the fake nipple and they just go.

• 53:42Speaker 00

  What the hell am I doing?

• 53:44Matt McCusker?

  Fuck am I doing? They can't be like.

• 53:46Speaker 00

  About to marry this freak.

• 53:47Matt McCusker?

  Awesome.

• 53:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:52Matt McCusker?

  Be nice to rough it up together.

• 53:54Speaker 00

  Just beat up a torso.

• 53:57Matt McCusker?

  Just get rough on the torso.

• 53:58Speaker 00

  Pretend it was like a bitch that bullied her in high school.

• 54:00Speaker 02

  Step on his neck.

• 54:03Matt McCusker?

  That's all he got. Yeah, having your wrestling buddy.

• 54:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:09Matt McCusker?

  The cuddle would be nice on the road, just snuggling up to the torso.

• 54:12Speaker 00

  Just sleeping on the boobs.

• 54:13Speaker 02

  So you gotta get a body pillow?

• 54:15Matt McCusker?

  But true.

• 54:16Speaker 00

  No boobs on a body pillow though.

• 54:17Speaker 02

  You can get a body pillow with boobs.

• 54:19Matt McCusker?

  Stop dude, this isn't real.

• 54:21Speaker 02

  This is real.

• 54:21Matt McCusker?

  Just part of, what was that squishy thing called?

• 54:24Speaker 02

  The tanga egg. The tanga egg.

• 54:27Matt McCusker?

  The tanga egg universe. You can't get a body pillow boobs, can you?

• 54:30Speaker 02

  You can get a body pillow boobs. This technology exists.

• 54:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 54:34Speaker 02

  It has to exist, dude.

• 54:35Matt McCusker?

  Just look it up. I'm just curious.

• 54:39Matt McCusker?

  And that's the problem too, transporting the torso.

• 54:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:42Matt McCusker?

  Is that if they open your shit in TSA.

• 54:44Speaker 00

  The funniest.

• 54:45Matt McCusker?

  Body, is that a body pillow boobs?

• 54:51Speaker 03

  Can't find one with boobs. You can, you can get just regular boobs, but not on the body pillow. Maybe you could sew the boobs onto the body.

• 54:58Matt McCusker?

  Wait, so you can just get a set of boobs for your bed?

• 55:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, you could get plush.

• 55:02Speaker 00

  This, that might be what I mean.

• 55:03Matt McCusker?

  That's.

• 55:04Speaker 00

  Plush boobies?

• 55:04Matt McCusker?

  Cause as a joke, yeah.

• 55:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They, but you have a sex, you put her face on the pillow like normal, but it's boobs now. Loophole.

• 55:12Speaker 02

  That's a good loop, that's a good.

• 55:13Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. Okay.

• 55:14Speaker 00

  Ooh, chocolate titties, chocolate boobs, chocolate boobs.

• 55:17Matt McCusker?

  So here's the thing, you'd have to go snow bunny boobs. Would you go snow bunny boobs or like?

• 55:23Speaker 00

  I would try to go Latina boobs, but, but I feel like that would upset my lady.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  Where do you keep the boobs?

• 55:29Speaker 00

  On the bed, like in the middle, like you have the two pillows and then like, it's like, it's like a decorative pillow.

• 55:33Speaker 02

  Always gonna have a boob pillow in the bed.

• 55:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's not bad. You can, I'm telling you, you can get it as a gag. I mean, again, if you just pull it, you might as well just pull the trigger. I don't think it's, if you just say, hey, no judgment, but I, you know, or don't judge me. It's like, I've had an idea in my head and just go, yeah. And then just drop the torso on it.

• 55:56Speaker 00

  You can't, no judgment does nothing though.

• 55:59Matt McCusker?

  I know, you can't say that for yourself.

• 56:00Speaker 00

  If my lady hit me with no judgment, but, and then she says some like bullshit that I'm not comfortable with, she said it and then she's forever different in my mind. You know what I mean? Like it's, she's a hundred percent judged.

• 56:12Matt McCusker?

  True. Sean had a nice, Sean, you had a nice date, did you not?

• 56:17Matt McCusker?

  Wholesome stuff too, not like this.

• 56:20Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 56:20Matt McCusker?

  Come on now. Yeah, look, hey.

• 56:23Speaker 00

  Flip it over.

• 56:23Matt McCusker?

  I'm the one, I've told you, I've been trying to find a suitcase big enough. I'm like, I'm on the bleeding edge of traveling with one of those things.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  Get a big Samson night?

• 56:33Matt McCusker?

  That thing has to be locked all the way up.

• 56:36Matt McCusker?

  All my, all my toiletries would be exactly three ounces. I'm not fucking around at all. I think in that case, you have to like, if they go to open your thing, you have to, I think you can like, kind of parlay and go like, hey, there's some very sensitive stuff in there. Can we go to the back?

• 56:51Speaker 03

  Which then is almost worse to go like a back room. They're like, bro.

• 56:55Speaker 00

  I would do it right there.

• 56:56Matt McCusker?

  Open it?

• 56:57Speaker 00

  I've been, I've been, I've been diddled so many times right there. Like it's, look at my fuck.

• 57:02Matt McCusker?

  It's your revenge, yeah.

• 57:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Now you guys gotta do, you know.

• 57:05Speaker 02

  You guys say dogs love to diddle you.

• 57:08Speaker 00

  They do.

• 57:08Matt McCusker?

  Also, they'd be thinking about that torso all day. If they saw the torso, the rest of that shift, they'd be like, fuck dude. I wonder where he is right now.

• 57:23Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 57:24Speaker 03

  I looked up, I clicked on the link to the Amazon torso and I realized that my family and I share an Amazon.

• 57:36Speaker 00

  It's gonna be like, keep shopping.

• 57:39Matt McCusker?

  Another thing very, that's stopping me from buying the torso is exactly that.

• 57:44Speaker 00

  Can't get a secret torso.

• 57:47Speaker 03

  It's thirty five bucks is pretty cheap.

• 57:48Matt McCusker?

  Thirty five bucks?

• 57:50Speaker 00

  Cheap one though, you want to.

• 57:52Matt McCusker?

  John, it's gonna be classic Amazon, you're gonna get it, it's gonna be this big. You're gonna end up with like a neonatal torso.

• 58:00Speaker 00

  You can't get a little torso, that's terrifying.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  They have male ones too.

• 58:04Matt McCusker?

  Uh, I was just about to say, you know they have them.

• 58:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, they do. I knew that, I knew that, those existed, but those are.

• 58:09Matt McCusker?

  Devil's Three would be nice. Why don't you start with the Devil's Three?

• 58:13Speaker 00

  No.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  The plastic polycue.

• 58:18Speaker 00

  See, the Devil's Three, no.

• 58:19Matt McCusker?

  Or, or what you do is you both get torsos, you get a guy, she gets a girl's and you have, make the torsos have sex. You gotta slow roll.

• 58:26Speaker 00

  We just watch?

• 58:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that'd be kinda fun.

• 58:29Speaker 00

  It's like, actually, that one has legs. Now we're upgrading. That one'll stick. That one'll stick as hell.

• 58:35Matt McCusker?

  Did you see Cardi B fall off the chair?

• 58:37Speaker 00

  No. What's she do with?

• 58:39Matt McCusker?

  Dude, her, first of all, her ass is, it's gotta be final form. Massive, bro. She fell, played it off like a sport, she does have a good sense of humor, played it off like a good sport, then like ran around on stage and it was like, it's such a wild world of performance where it's like, you're, you know, just basically naked, you have jacked guys just like humping all over you. And then like all of her dancers, none of them can have an ass as big as hers.

• 59:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:06Matt McCusker?

  You have like tiny ass dancers floating around.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  It must suck to be Cardi B, she wants love, but everybody she loves keeps cheating on her.

• 59:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's what I've, that's the word on the street.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:18Matt McCusker?

  You think she really wants love? I mean, yeah, I guess she does. Yeah.

• 59:21Speaker 02

  I think so. I love Bacardi.

• 59:24Matt McCusker?

  She used to rob people. She was a stripper, dude.

• 59:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, she used to like drug and rob people was her like.

• 59:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:28Speaker 00

  Thing she said. That's part of the game.

• 59:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, I remember people trying to get like mad at her for that. It's like, dude, she's rapping about murdering people. And then she's going like, yeah, I actually used to drug people and rob them. It's like, why are people acting like that? That's actually very unethical.

• 59:41Speaker 00

  And it's not surprising. Like, that's what you kind of, that's what strippers do. That's like. Yeah. I see about thirty percent of them.

• 59:47Matt McCusker?

  Strippers.

• 59:47Speaker 00

  Twenty.

• 59:49Matt McCusker?

  Salt Lake City, Utah. I will be there Saturday doing stand-up comedy in, uh, I forget the name of the theater, but it'll be a good time. And, uh, so yeah, man, I'll be in Boise, Idaho, uh, Friday and Salt Lake City Saturday. So just kind of hanging out, prepping, totally natch.

• 1:00:06Speaker 05

  Here.

• 1:00:07Matt McCusker?

  What is that?

• 1:00:07Speaker 05

  Uh, alcohol and coffee.

• 1:00:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, babe.

• 1:00:11Speaker 05

  Off of it.

• 1:00:12Matt McCusker?

  I don't do that stuff anymore.

• 1:00:14Speaker 05

  All right.

• 1:00:15Matt McCusker?

  I'm actually going to Salt Lake City where.

• 1:00:16Speaker 05

  All right, all right.

• 1:00:17Matt McCusker?

  Hold on, hold on, hold on. Me and my Mormon brothers also say hi to my eldest wife. That's my eldest wife.

• 1:00:22Speaker 05

  Eldest?

• 1:00:23Matt McCusker?

  That's my, that's my eldest wife. I'm working on a second right now, but well, maybe I'll find one in Utah.

• 1:00:30Matt McCusker?

  Stop it. We're just gonna soak. It's not gonna be a big deal. You know what soaking is?

• 1:00:36Matt McCusker?

  It's when your little brother jumps on the mattress. They're gonna take me on an attack. All right, guys, sorry, my eldest wife's attacking me.

• 1:00:41Speaker 05

  Smack you.

• 1:00:41Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:00:42Speaker 05

  Stop it.

• 1:00:43Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:00:44Speaker 05

  Now.

• 1:00:45Matt McCusker?

  Fine, you can be my, I'll get one older.

• 1:00:46Speaker 05

  Stop it.

• 1:00:47Matt McCusker?

  I'll get one older than you.

• 1:00:48Speaker 05

  Stop it.

• 1:00:48Matt McCusker?

  My young wife, you know how they get. My youngest wife, because I'll get one.

• 1:00:52Speaker 05

  Your only wife. Keep fucking with me.

• 1:00:54Matt McCusker?

  Well, hey, that used to be that way, but now due to my new faith. I'm now a Mormon, I'm a Jack Mormon. I'm gonna break bad on this bottle of rum. Um, please come, guys. Ow, Jesus Christ, guys, please fucking come. Oh, all right.

• 1:01:08Matt McCusker?

  We back? Oh God, sorry. I had to pee really badly. Oh, man. Guys, I'm so sorry. I'm low energy right now. So tired. I ran 4.5 miles yesterday. Ooh. I'm toying with the idea of a half marathon. Yeah. I heard the Austin Marathon was in town. A half marathon is kind of weak, though. Yeah. When you, when you do like half a thing and then put a sticker on your car like, yo, I did half a thing.

• 1:01:31Speaker 02

  Isn't it only 13 miles?

• 1:01:32Matt McCusker?

  No, yeah, half marathon's 13.2. That's impressive still. 13.1 is impressive. I did 4.5 yesterday and I'm like fucking dying right now, but it's just nothing to celebrate, I would say. It's impressive for sure. 26, the 26.2 is the real achievement. I'm not, you know, I'm not like, you know, taking anything away from people do a half marathon. But also like, I'd be impressed if I did it. I wouldn't advertise it. No. Yeah. You can't, you can't put a sticker on your car. Can't. It's half. You did a half a thing. What if it's a, what if you're like a girl? I mean, bro.

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  That's why they made it for girls.

• 1:02:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:11Matt McCusker?

  Which is impressive. Well, it's impressive and I'm not saying this to be a jerk. Cause like, dude, run that with tits. Running 13 miles with tits is crazy, dude. Yeah. Yeah. That's more impressive to me than a full marathon, a guy doing a full marathon.

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  Try running a marathon with balls.

• 1:02:29Matt McCusker?

  Easy, bro. Balls are made for running.

• 1:02:33Speaker 02

  I don't know, man. You ever like running and like accidentally smash your balls?

• 1:02:38Matt McCusker?

  I've accidentally smashed my balls a thousand times yet. Never while running though. Never while running. Cause you can easily, I mean, I guess you can say a woman can wear a bra, cause you can fix your balls from swinging around, obviously, just by, well, you know, I can just, I can just run, but you can like put on compression shorts. Have you, have you hit your balls while running before? Yeah.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:02Matt McCusker?

  How?

• 1:03:02Speaker 02

  I was just jumping and I just fucking clanked.

• 1:03:04Matt McCusker?

  Okay, well, that's again, not while running. I don't think anyone's hit their balls while running. Actually, yeah, that definitely is.

• 1:03:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, especially if you get a good, like, you squeeze them on action.

• 1:03:18Matt McCusker?

  That sucks.

• 1:03:18Speaker 02

  Squeeze.

• 1:03:19Matt McCusker?

  I, I still think running with tits is so much more impressive.

• 1:03:24Matt McCusker?

  Did y'all hear about the, like, people in the Winter Olympics that are injected, like, they're injecting HGH into their dicks to make them bigger? But they're doing it because they get bigger suits and the bigger suits make them a little more aerodynamic. Like, if their dicks are bigger, they get more, they get more.

• 1:03:40Speaker 02

  But wait, does that work?

• 1:03:43Speaker 03

  It makes them less aerodynamic technically.

• 1:03:45Matt McCusker?

  That's what I was thinking.

• 1:03:45Speaker 03

  It's like a squirrel suit type vibe they're going for, like more carry because there's more fabric in their suit.

• 1:03:51Matt McCusker?

  That's, that's what I'm, yeah.

• 1:03:52Speaker 03

  Like parachute type vibe.

• 1:03:54Matt McCusker?

  I think.

• 1:03:55Speaker 03

  Their penis shrinks up, but they have extra space in their crotch, so they get more like.

• 1:03:59Matt McCusker?

  Catch the wind. So they're making their, they're making their dick smaller with the HGH?

• 1:04:03Speaker 03

  No, they're making it bigger while they get fitted for the suit, but then when they compete, it goes back down to normal.

• 1:04:09Matt McCusker?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:04:10Speaker 02

  But wait, but wait, it works?

• 1:04:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Probably for that.

• 1:04:14Speaker 03

  Doesn't last.

• 1:04:15Matt McCusker?

  You can put Botox in your dick.

• 1:04:17Speaker 02

  No, that's gross though.

• 1:04:18Matt McCusker?

  What's the difference between Botox and HGH? Well, I guess they're two different things, but.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  Botox is poison.

• 1:04:23Matt McCusker?

  Eh, I mean, dude, girls inject it all over themselves and they're fine.

• 1:04:27Speaker 02

  They should, yeah, but they're dumb.

• 1:04:30Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 1:04:32Matt McCusker?

  Don't call girls dumb ever again. No, dude, you can put Botox, it reduces, apparently the medical term for it is turtling. Turtling is like when your dick retracts and it's like wrinkled due to retracting.

• 1:04:43Speaker 02

  I know what turtling is.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  I figured it out.

• 1:04:47Matt McCusker?

  So you can inject Botox and you're just fully smooth and you're like flaccid, but it's just like full hang.

• 1:04:53Speaker 02

  Dude, I think I'm turtling right now.

• 1:04:56Matt McCusker?

  I just peed, I'm turtling big time.

• 1:04:59Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, I mean, so yeah, you, you push it out a little bit and then when you, are they skiers doing like ski jumping or something?

• 1:05:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:07Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm. You catch a little wind, so then you have a little extra thing, so you're not cutting through the air as fast, but when you hang, you have a little, you have like little wings. Okay. So.

• 1:05:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:20Matt McCusker?

  I wonder though, what kind of gains are they posting? I'd be as an Olympic fan, I'd be interested in what kind of gains.

• 1:05:24Speaker 00

  Is it like two, two inch gains? Or you mean, or in the?

• 1:05:27Matt McCusker?

  In the flaccid. I only care about gaining flaccid. Gaining hard is like, whatever.

• 1:05:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:33Speaker 02

  I think there's a, there's a, there's a, your, your theory of drinking water, uh, I think that's true.

• 1:05:41Matt McCusker?

  Oh dude.

• 1:05:41Speaker 02

  Vicinity.

• 1:05:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, being, yeah, being, uh, well hydrated for sure. That, that's verified.

• 1:05:46Speaker 00

  Gives you more hang?

• 1:05:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Well, I mean, if you have to pee, your dick gets bigger, kind of. You almost get a boner if you wait long enough. If you're gonna pee bad enough, you kind of chub up and you're like, yo, let's go. It's all coming together.

• 1:06:00Matt McCusker?

  Now I get to get up on this plane and walk to the bathroom.

• 1:06:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there's no better thing. I mean, it's such a weird thing. Cause like, yeah, you can be like semi chubbed and fucking popping out of the sweats. And it's like, very powerful. Then you catch yourself, you go, what, why, why am I doing this? This is crazy. Nobody's paying any attention. I have a fucking, I mean, public, let me go to the bathroom.

• 1:06:25Matt McCusker?

  This is retarded.

• 1:06:29Matt McCusker?

  So guys, before we conclude, since we're at almost an hour, is there any final words?

• 1:06:35Speaker 00

  I, I would like to hear people, people think about the nugget. I want to see if I'm alone.

• 1:06:39Matt McCusker?

  Having your babe suck on the nugget?

• 1:06:40Speaker 00

  Suck on the nug- babe sucking on the nugget.

• 1:06:43Matt McCusker?

  I mean, it's, I don't think it would be a bad time, you know?

• 1:06:47Speaker 00

  I, I have thought about it in this last few minutes, thinking about the turn it could do in her mind though.

• 1:06:54Matt McCusker?

  But you also, you can't put the nugget in bed and not do anything to it yourself. You can't just have the babe sucking on the nugget. You're gonna have to plow the nugget in front of the babe. You got it. You got it, dude. I think that's something most important.

• 1:07:08Speaker 00

  And that is, I, yeah, that will feel hilarious.

• 1:07:12Matt McCusker?

  I mean, it's. It's got, I don't know, just the image would go through her brain and she would just store it and just be like.

• 1:07:21Speaker 00

  I mean, you catch a glimpse of yourself fucking a nug in the mirror.

• 1:07:24Speaker 02

  You gotta cover it up.

• 1:07:25Speaker 00

  You gotta cover the mirror up?

• 1:07:26Speaker 02

  No, the nug, you gotta make it look like there's somebody there.

• 1:07:28Speaker 00

  It's just an ass poking out of a, yeah, like that.

• 1:07:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's under the covers.

• 1:07:34Matt McCusker?

  It's our secret hole. porno videos.

• 1:07:38Matt McCusker?

  As a matter of fact, people do that all the time. Wait a second, this isn't my torso I left here, this is a person.

• 1:07:49Matt McCusker?

  Played a trick on me.

• 1:07:50Speaker 00

  You goofed me.

• 1:07:52Matt McCusker?

  Well, guys, I think we made it to an hour. Thank you guys very much. Thank you guys for slopping it up with me.

• 1:07:57Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 1:07:58Speaker 02

  Bring it here.

• 1:07:59Matt McCusker?

  Hey.

• 1:08:01Matt McCusker?

  Bye.

• 1:08:03Matt McCusker?

  Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

• 1:08:07Speaker 04

  Do it.