Lizzy Caplan asks about first impressions

Lizzy Caplan (Masters of Sex, Party Down) asks Handsome about making a first impression! Plus meeting Tom Cruise, a recap of the Zootopia premiere that you *cannot miss* (although Tig might), Fortune realizing she's a star, and more! Also, we have a live-streaming show Dec 22, get your tickets https://www.squadup.com/events/livestream-access-handsome-holibobs-extravaganza! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:30Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:14Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy, so easy we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 1:38Mae Martin?

  Hey Handsomes, we have a very special live show coming up for the holidays on Monday, December 22nd. Join in the fun and festivities from anywhere in the world by getting your tickets at the link in our social media bio or at DynastyTypewriter.com.

• 1:54Tig Notaro?

  Your ticket will allow you to stream the show anytime for a full week. It's the perfect gift for you and all the handsome folks in your life.

• 2:03Mae Martin?

  It's gonna be so fun, so go to DynastyTypewriter.com or follow the link in our bio and get your ticket for our

• 2:10Fortune Feimster?

  Our December 22nd show today.

• 2:12Tig Notaro?

  Ho, ho, ho. Hey, Handsoms, just a heads up that for your best chance of getting Handsome merch in time for Christmas, you should order by December 12th. Write it down, December 12th.

• 2:24Fortune Feimster?

  So go to handsomepod.com and get your order in by December 12th. That's handsomepod.com.

• 2:42Fortune Feimster?

  Cheers.

• 2:43Tig Notaro?

  Cheers.

• 2:45Fortune Feimster?

  Welcome to the Handsome Pod.

• 2:46Mae Martin?

  Welcome to you.

• 2:47Tig Notaro?

  I mean, listen, welcome, but also, May, I just got a glimpse of that profile of yours. That is good looking. I mean, I've seen it before, but I'm usually looking at you straight on on Zoom.

• 2:59Mae Martin?

  This is my better side.

• 3:00Tig Notaro?

  I can tell. I've seen the other one and not pretty or handsome.

• 3:05Mae Martin?

  Thank you. Well, you too.

• 3:06Tig Notaro?

  No, look that way. I just, oh, look at that.

• 3:08Mae Martin?

  Thanks.

• 3:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, oh, look at that. What am I looking? Oh, that is a good profile, May.

• 3:13Mae Martin?

  Well, my hair only works from that side. It doesn't, I don't know if you have this problem because it's like gen, do we have the same? Yeah. Oh, no, yours works from both sides. Anyway.

• 3:23Fortune Feimster?

  You have more of a side flip and you have the forward.

• 3:26Mae Martin?

  The forward.

• 3:27Tig Notaro?

  My hair is more fluid than yours.

• 3:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, mine's pretty rigid. It's pretty solid.

• 3:31Tig Notaro?

  It's binary. It's binary hair.

• 3:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You both look gorgeous.

• 3:37Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, thanks.

• 3:38Tig Notaro?

  We're, we're a very attractive podcast.

• 3:41Fortune Feimster?

  We are.

• 3:42Mae Martin?

  Also, every time we're in person and then the episode comes out, someone comments like, oh, their chemistry's electric when they're in person. And I love it. I feel it. I feel it's electric right now.

• 3:52Fortune Feimster?

  We, we sat close to each other before we even taped and I got kisses from each of you.

• 3:59Tig Notaro?

  Well, only because you were reaching to hold my hand while.

• 4:02Fortune Feimster?

  True.

• 4:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:03Fortune Feimster?

  Your hand's cold as ice.

• 4:05Tig Notaro?

  Well, I'm, I'm.

• 4:06Fortune Feimster?

  Cold as ice.

• 4:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:07Fortune Feimster?

  Put it in your cooter and warm it up.

• 4:10Mae Martin?

  Fortune.

• 4:12Tig Notaro?

  Why are we starting like this? Why? Why?

• 4:16Fortune Feimster?

  Put it in your cooter. It's the end of the day for those of y'all who don't know, which is all of you.

• 4:25Fortune Feimster?

  It's 5pm.

• 4:27Mae Martin?

  It's raining outside, it's dark.

• 4:29Tig Notaro?

  5pm is the end of the day. What a luxurious life you have.

• 4:34Fortune Feimster?

  Well, when it gets dark outside, what else is there to do?

• 4:39Tig Notaro?

  Oh, it's dark, I gotta go home, get to bed.

• 4:41Fortune Feimster?

  I gotta call it night, the sun's down.

• 4:46Fortune Feimster?

  Put on my nightgown, just like you do.

• 4:48Tig Notaro?

  Our old neighbors, or neighbor, it was just one woman, and her name was Yoko. Yeah, and she lived next door to us, and she, this is terrible, she died in her house, but listen, she...

• 5:02Fortune Feimster?

  Spoiler.

• 5:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, she was older, she was older, but anyway.

• 5:06Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, Yoko.

• 5:07Tig Notaro?

  She just, she wouldn't turn any lights on.

• 5:11Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 5:12Mae Martin?

  Like the Amish, like she was going sundown at bedtime.

• 5:15Fortune Feimster?

  That's probably why she died.

• 5:19Tig Notaro?

  She didn't turn the light on.

• 5:21Fortune Feimster?

  Cause she ran into something?

• 5:22Tig Notaro?

  I would only assume she was like, had a little candle.

• 5:26Fortune Feimster?

  A little candle, yeah.

• 5:27Mae Martin?

  But so she was up at the crack of dawn and then bed?

• 5:29Tig Notaro?

  Always, always sweeping her walkway up to her door.

• 5:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:35Tig Notaro?

  Always, that thing was sparkly clean.

• 5:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah, maybe it was like meditative for her.

• 5:42Tig Notaro?

  We'll never know.

• 5:43Mae Martin?

  We'll never know.

• 5:44Tig Notaro?

  We'll for sure never know the answer to that.

• 5:46Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it's good to be with y'all in person.

• 5:49Mae Martin?

  I feel, I took my shoes off, I feel really cozy.

• 5:51Fortune Feimster?

  You made it very comfortable around here.

• 5:53Tig Notaro?

  I still have my shoes on.

• 5:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 5:55Mae Martin?

  Me too.

• 5:56Tig Notaro?

  Can I, I'm sorry, I just have to check, I have to make sure that this isn't Stephanie's sick, and so I have to like, make sure that there isn't anything that is needed.

• 6:06Mae Martin?

  It feels like a prank, it feels like when you were on Conan and you checked your phone.

• 6:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 6:11Mae Martin?

  Also, every time Tig puts her glasses on, I think she's gonna take her eye out, cause it's like this flip motion, and always there's one, yeah, it's cool, whoosh, and I always think she's gonna take one out.

• 6:23Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 6:24Fortune Feimster?

  Those glasses made me think of something that happened to me this weekend.

• 6:27Tig Notaro?

  Well, let's hear about it.

• 6:28Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna tell you, I have this, there's not a lot of things that I have that are expensive, I'm not that kind of gal. But I did happen to have an expensive pair of sunglasses.

• 6:38Tig Notaro?

  Like what are we talking?

• 6:39Fortune Feimster?

  Oliver Peoples. I don't know, it's the type of sunglasses, like five hundred dollars. But I, but that is unusual for me. I don't spend that kind of money on anything.

• 6:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:51Fortune Feimster?

  But I happened to get these. And I had them, and I like them.

• 6:55Tig Notaro?

  What made you go, I'm gonna go ahead and drop five hundred bucks?

• 6:57Fortune Feimster?

  I think I got a discount on them, uh, so I didn't pay it.

• 7:01Tig Notaro?

  With your Cheesecake Factory?

• 7:02Fortune Feimster?

  With my Cheesecake Factory points.

• 7:03Tig Notaro?

  Credit?

• 7:04Fortune Feimster?

  I got, I think I got them at like thirty percent off.

• 7:07Tig Notaro?

  Okay, good for you.

• 7:08Fortune Feimster?

  So that's helpful.

• 7:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, of course.

• 7:09Mae Martin?

  It's hard to find a pair that's perfect.

• 7:11Fortune Feimster?

  And I love these because they're lightweight, they're super lightweight, because I don't like the feeling of glasses on me. But my eyes are getting squinnier as I'm getting older and I need to wear sunglasses. And I had them on and they were on my head and I don't know for whatever reason I put them in my lap. And I was scrolling through my phone and I wanted to show, I was showing somebody something and I bent over and my body crushed these glasses into like four parts.

• 7:40Mae Martin?

  No, just snapped them like a cracker?

• 7:43Fortune Feimster?

  The, the, both lenses came out.

• 7:45Mae Martin?

  Oh my.

• 7:45Fortune Feimster?

  They bent, there's like one, I'm like, they're done.

• 7:49Tig Notaro?

  Did you take a picture of what you had left on your, and put on your face?

• 7:53Fortune Feimster?

  No, I have, I, it was, yeah, it was just a frame with one of the things hanging out. These, just from my big old body, just annihilated these sunglasses.

• 8:02Mae Martin?

  You don't have, uh, sunglass insurance?

• 8:04Fortune Feimster?

  I sure, yeah, I sure don't. I sure don't.

• 8:08Tig Notaro?

  You will rethink that in the future.

• 8:10Fortune Feimster?

  I will rethink that.

• 8:11Mae Martin?

  Would you ever insure a part of your body?

• 8:14Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 8:14Mae Martin?

  You know, people, you know?

• 8:17Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, God, Lord. What would I insure on this body?

• 8:21Mae Martin?

  Like, you know.

• 8:21Tig Notaro?

  Because Tina Turner insured her legs.

• 8:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, her gams.

• 8:24Fortune Feimster?

  Well, that I can see, because those were gorgeous gams.

• 8:27Tig Notaro?

  Well, hello.

• 8:28Fortune Feimster?

  You're right, now that you, you're right. I just, I guess I don't show them off like Tina did in those short skirts.

• 8:35Tig Notaro?

  Kinda do though, and towels and such.

• 8:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:38Tig Notaro?

  How do you do that? You just call like Allstate? And they're like, hey.

• 8:43Fortune Feimster?

  You get an insurance quote?

• 8:44Tig Notaro?

  And they're like, let me see your legs?

• 8:47Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you're, you're in good hands.

• 8:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you check them first, because that's smart.

• 8:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:52Mae Martin?

  You check Allstate first.

• 8:53Fortune Feimster?

  Northbrook, Illinois.

• 8:58Mae Martin?

  So wait, can we get, I'm just, I can't relax until-

• 9:02Fortune Feimster?

  Get to the, get to the good stuff.

• 9:04Mae Martin?

  I-

• 9:04Tig Notaro?

  What's a good stuff?

• 9:05Mae Martin?

  I need to hear about who you met, that I, I, whenever I'm asked the question, who would you meet, who would you have at a dinner party, this person's my answer, just because it's like, he's another species of person almost, so can we please talk about it? I don't want to blow, I don't want to, I want to let you reveal.

• 9:22Fortune Feimster?

  Would one say that this is-

• 9:23Tig Notaro?

  Look at your little excited foot.

• 9:24Mae Martin?

  My foot is flexed! Like, it was, it's actually-

• 9:28Fortune Feimster?

  Just give me the goods!

• 9:29Tig Notaro?

  Give me the goods!

• 9:30Fortune Feimster?

  Give me the goods!

• 9:31Tig Notaro?

  Twinkle toes over there.

• 9:32Mae Martin?

  Oh my god, please!

• 9:33Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, yeah, would one say this is your doppelganger?

• 9:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, one would.

• 9:38Tig Notaro?

  Yes. TC.

• 9:40Mae Martin?

  TC.

• 9:41Fortune Feimster?

  Tom Cruise.

• 9:42Tig Notaro?

  I met Tom Cruise.

• 9:43Mae Martin?

  You met him. How did this happen?

• 9:45Tig Notaro?

  Well, this is what's so wild, is to really think back, the reason I was at the Governor Awards, which I didn't even know what it was, or where I was going, I got-

• 9:59Fortune Feimster?

  The Govna Award.

• 10:00Tig Notaro?

  Govna was.

• 10:01Fortune Feimster?

  All right, Govna.

• 10:02Tig Notaro?

  Uh, I got in the car with the, one of the producers of Come See Me in the Good Light, um, Jessica, we get in the car, so she came for, she got me, she was in the car, and the car picks me up, and I get in, I was like, so where, what is this? Where are we going? And she was like, well, it's just, it's like, they give these honorary Oscars to, to different people, it was Dolly Parton, um-

• 10:26Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my god, Dolly, was she there?

• 10:27Tig Notaro?

  She wasn't. She made a video, um, and it was, uh, Debbie Allen, Tom Cruise, and then this, oh my god, his name is Win something, he's a, what is it, when they-

• 10:40Mae Martin?

  Uh, magician.

• 10:41Tig Notaro?

  No. Anybody else want to guess?

• 10:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, was this a mime?

• 10:45Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 10:46Mae Martin?

  Swimmer, Olympic swimmer.

• 10:48Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, gosh, xylophone player.

• 10:50Tig Notaro?

  Yes. And he was, um, no, he's a, like a design, a set designer.

• 10:57Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I would not have gotten that from this.

• 10:59Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you didn't get that from this?

• 11:00Mae Martin?

  From this Sam motion, you're like, no.

• 11:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Um, this, I'll get to Tom in a second, but this man, Win something, Thomas, can you look up this man's name, who won, who got this award? Of course, I haven't heard of him.

• 11:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:15Tig Notaro?

  It's not like household names that do this job. This was the single most precious human being I have seen in my life. He's like probably sixties, maybe early seventies. How old is he, Thomas?

• 11:32Tig Notaro?

  He was, his story that he shared, it was so, he was the first black man to be hired in that world. And accepted into the academy in that whole world. Yes, Thomas?

• 11:48Speaker 04

  Win, Thomas.

• 11:49Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 11:50Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 11:50Fortune Feimster?

  Thomas.

• 11:51Tig Notaro?

  There you go.

• 11:52Speaker 04

  And he worked on Do the Right Thing, Malcolm X, A Beautiful Mind, and Hidden Figures.

• 11:56Mae Martin?

  Amazing.

• 11:57Tig Notaro?

  Wow. I mean, I could have listened to him talk forever. I, I can't encourage people enough. Just look up his face. If there is a video of him talking, just the sweetest man alive.

• 12:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, I love that.

• 12:09Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh, loved it. Anyway, so afterward.

• 12:14Mae Martin?

  Oh, it's just, you didn't know that Tom was gonna be there?

• 12:17Tig Notaro?

  No, I knew, I knew he was gonna be there. I just didn't understand what the Governor Awards.

• 12:22Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 12:22Tig Notaro?

  Like, did you know what they were?

• 12:23Mae Martin?

  Uh-uh.

• 12:24Tig Notaro?

  No, yeah. And so it is every massive actor and director and everybody that's like vying for an Oscar. You know, and it's, it's, it's just a kind of a stop for that whole world.

• 12:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:41Tig Notaro?

  And, you know, who knows what will happen with my documentary, but it's in that discussion.

• 12:46Mae Martin?

  That's amazing, dude.

• 12:47Tig Notaro?

  And Tom Cruise gets his award and then, well, I didn't expect this, but he was just off of the stage and out and about in the, in the audience.

• 13:00Mae Martin?

  Just hanging out.

• 13:00Tig Notaro?

  Just, he was just, well.

• 13:02Mae Martin?

  Like walking around?

• 13:03Fortune Feimster?

  He was looking to do the cupid shuffle on the dance floor. Cha-cha slide.

• 13:07Tig Notaro?

  But let's be honest, hanging out meant after the, the awards, he appeared on the floor like everybody else at their tables and stuff. And he was surrounded.

• 13:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:20Tig Notaro?

  By reps and security and people wanting to talk to him and like that whole scene.

• 13:27Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 13:28Tig Notaro?

  So I'm like thinking, well, this is the one and only time I'm gonna be in the same room as Tom Cruise.

• 13:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you don't get starstruck, but you can't help but be adrenalized when you see it.

• 13:40Tig Notaro?

  I wasn't even starstruck. I was just like, there's Tom Cruise. I'm going over there and I'm gonna meet that guy. And I told Jessica, the producer of the film, I was like, you follow me? And you get every photo, even if I can't talk to him, you get the closest photo.

• 13:58Mae Martin?

  You're just shouting.

• 13:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, of me just trying to get in there.

• 14:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:01Tig Notaro?

  Cause I was like, I'm going for it. I don't care at all.

• 14:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:06Tig Notaro?

  And so she was dying laughing.

• 14:09Mae Martin?

  I love to see some security guard pick you up.

• 14:12Tig Notaro?

  But that's what was crazy is it's, it's not open to the public. So I, the security wasn't like really intense or anything. Just people were standing around and, um, and I, I know his agent, her name is actually Maha. And I saw her standing there next to him and I was, I mean, I was elbowing my way through. The ground and just I pulled up the picture of me, which we'll have to post on handsome. But I pulled up the picture of me that everybody is always like, I mean, that's more Tom Cruise than Tom Cruise.

• 14:50Tig Notaro?

  And so I pull it up and then, and so I got up to Maha and I said, um, I said, hey, um, can I just show Tom this picture? And just let him know that if he's looking for a lesbian sister in any sort of.

• 15:04Mae Martin?

  A stunt double.

• 15:06Tig Notaro?

  And, and then she, she was like, oh yeah, um, Tom, comedian Tig Notaro. And he turned, he's like, hey, how's it going? And I said, uh, good. I said, I just wanted to show you this picture. I said, if, I said, that's me, by the way, that's not you. And I said, so if you ever need a lesbian sibling in any of your action films. I'm your guy. And so he, he was looking at it. He was laughing so hard.

• 15:32Mae Martin?

  Of course he was.

• 15:33Tig Notaro?

  Not as hard as Jess, my, um, my producer. She was like doubled over crying. Cause I, I wish you could have seen the rounds of people I had that I.

• 15:47Tig Notaro?

  Had no, I just like, I was like, I'm going, I'm like,

• 15:50Mae Martin?

  Getting in there.

• 15:51Tig Notaro?

  Getting a picture with Tom Cruise.

• 15:52Mae Martin?

  I have so many follow up questions.

• 15:54Tig Notaro?

  And you have to understand, Tom Cruise is, this was partly what was pushing me. That's Stephanie's favorite actor. She loves him and she thinks he's so handsome and I, we always joke that she married the DIY lesbian version. And so I was like, if I can get a picture of the two loves of her life together. And so she was home and I walked in, she was like, oh, how was the night? And I said, good. How's about that? And she was like, oh my God.

• 16:28Mae Martin?

  Oh my God. Okay. Wait, did he know who you were, pretend to know who you were?

• 16:32Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I doubt it.

• 16:33Mae Martin?

  Okay. But he's smiling at you.

• 16:35Tig Notaro?

  He was just like, hey, how's it going? You know, and because his agent introduced us, so he was just.

• 16:41Mae Martin?

  Cause everyone says he's just magnetic and so warm and what's he, he'll know your name.

• 16:46Tig Notaro?

  But so am I, you know?

• 16:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, of course.

• 16:48Tig Notaro?

  That's what everyone says.

• 16:52Mae Martin?

  Fuck, I can't believe it happened. And, and the picture's incredible. You do have the same smile. So you think Maha can get him to get a, ask a question?

• 17:02Fortune Feimster?

  A little handsome bod, he's like jumping off of a, he's jumping off of a plane, asking us a question.

• 17:08Mae Martin?

  He's like, listen to me, listen to me, handsome.

• 17:11Fortune Feimster?

  That would be pretty epic if he would jump off a plane and ask us a question.

• 17:15Tig Notaro?

  I bet he, I, I'll get it to happen. With his cheeks flapping.

• 17:21Mae Martin?

  There's always a moment in his movies where he's doing some stunt, but he has to deliver a line. And so he's yelling over like a jet engine and his voice goes really high. There's one, well, first there's red light, green light. In Mission Impossible one. Then there's, I'm not going to lose you in Mission Impossible three. I could think of them all, I think. There's always a line where he goes super high.

• 17:41Tig Notaro?

  He goes high. Well, they did, they showed like, uh, you know, a little thing of like all of the highlights of his career and stuff. And I, I was truly, there's this one moment on that reel where he's holding on to a plane.

• 17:57Mae Martin?

  Side of a plan.

• 17:58Tig Notaro?

  And it's taking off.

• 17:59Mae Martin?

  Dead reckoning, I think.

• 18:01Fortune Feimster?

  Wow, y'all are.

• 18:01Mae Martin?

  Or Ghostbusters.

• 18:02Fortune Feimster?

  Real fans over here.

• 18:04Tig Notaro?

  I haven't seen it, but I.

• 18:06Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it in your pants.

• 18:07Mae Martin?

  I, here's the thing, I'm sure he's problematic in some ways, but to me, he is just one of the last movie stars like that where he, when he cries, I cry. When I feel everything that he's feeling, like Jerry Maguire, it's insane. He hasn't won an Oscar yet. I'm glad he got honored. Is that bad to say?

• 18:24Fortune Feimster?

  Cause he got an Oscar, an honorary Oscar.

• 18:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, he got like a, for what, just his contribution?

• 18:29Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you're a star striker or no one, so it's.

• 18:31Tig Notaro?

  No, I get, I, um.

• 18:34Mae Martin?

  Well, musicians you get.

• 18:35Tig Notaro?

  I don't feel nervous. Like, I'm not like, oh, my God, there's Tom Cruise. Like, I totally appreciate him, but I don't feel, um, I don't know.

• 18:43Mae Martin?

  I just.

• 18:44Fortune Feimster?

  You just talked about him for so long that it was a cool, like.

• 18:46Tig Notaro?

  Well, it just seemed like, oh, this is gonna be so funny and awesome. And like, I, I just, I, I don't know.

• 18:53Mae Martin?

  That's so good.

• 18:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was fun.

• 18:56Mae Martin?

  It like, we can never get jaded, like, cause that is insane to meet Tom Cruise and get a picture with him. It's so good to, like, that should be insane to anyone.

• 19:05Tig Notaro?

  And, and what's really funny is 10 billion people have had pictures with him, but it seems so hard to come across.

• 19:13Fortune Feimster?

  Well, yeah, he's a harder one to meet, for sure.

• 19:16Mae Martin?

  He's hard. It's like a Paul McCartney or an Obama. Like, it's that level where you're, you want the picture.

• 19:21Fortune Feimster?

  They're not just hanging out at the In-N-Out.

• 19:23Tig Notaro?

  No, they are not. And.

• 19:25Mae Martin?

  They'd like you to think they are, though. Have you seen the clip where they go, Tom, what's your favorite snack? And it's like his brain short circuits, like he's never had a snack?

• 19:31Fortune Feimster?

  He's like, oh, ha, ha.

• 19:34Mae Martin?

  Popcorn.

• 19:34Fortune Feimster?

  Popcorn's great.

• 19:35Tig Notaro?

  Is that a small meal between the meals?

• 19:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:42Tig Notaro?

  When we took a picture together, what I, I have to say, not only was he very friendly, but he wasn't like rushed. He was, he took several pictures and was like.

• 19:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's so nice.

• 19:53Tig Notaro?

  So he like hung in the moment, which was nice, cause I, there's nothing worse than feeling like you're intruding or.

• 20:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:02Fortune Feimster?

  I think I did see pictures of him on the dance floor.

• 20:04Mae Martin?

  I saw those too.

• 20:05Fortune Feimster?

  So he was like.

• 20:06Mae Martin?

  Dancing that night.

• 20:07Fortune Feimster?

  In it to have a good ass time, but for someone like him, that probably was a very big, meaningful night because he has been doing movies for so long.

• 20:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 20:16Fortune Feimster?

  And to finally get an Oscar.

• 20:18Mae Martin?

  He should have had a best supporting actor for Magnolia. There's so many performances he should have.

• 20:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 20:24Tig Notaro?

  Well, I mean, it is wild when you're watching that reel.

• 20:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:28Tig Notaro?

  And then you, and like thinking about everything that you hear about his incredible.

• 20:34Mae Martin?

  Work ethic.

• 20:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, just everything. Like the director that was introducing him was talking about how, which of course I know of actors that know a script. Start to finish.

• 20:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:46Tig Notaro?

  Forward, backwards. But the director is like, Tom knows like.

• 20:51Mae Martin?

  Everyone's lines.

• 20:52Tig Notaro?

  Not just everyone's line, but like, he's like, hey, aren't I supposed to be picking up a, you know, like some sort of direct, stage direction? And, um, and he was like, you know, he said, I don't even know my movie that well.

• 21:05Mae Martin?

  He's definitely getting sort of, I mean, he's increasingly eccentric, but he, uh, he's, his new thing is kind of being like, I don't just make movies. I am movies. Like his, his thing is like.

• 21:16Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:16Tig Notaro?

  So how is he getting increasingly?

• 21:19Mae Martin?

  I think he's always been a bit of a hardball and then, and then he went through a phase of real eccentricity with Scientology where he was really like jumping on sofas and stuff. He just keeps making amazing movies and then he, uh, but just recently his angle is I'm Mr. Movies and I, I like it. But I would love to meet the guy. I was excited because we went to Zootopia two premiere.

• 21:42Tig Notaro?

  Right. Yes, we did.

• 21:43Fortune Feimster?

  We had the premiere.

• 21:43Mae Martin?

  All three of us out in the wild.

• 21:45Fortune Feimster?

  I know. We, we hung, hung our little suits.

• 21:48Mae Martin?

  Each other backstage. I was so proud of you, dude. You, you steal the movie. You're so funny in it.

• 21:54Tig Notaro?

  Thanks a lot. So great. I, I texted Fortune saying Max and Finn, hearing them say to each other, hey, bub.

• 22:01Mae Martin?

  Hey bub.

• 22:02Tig Notaro?

  Hey bub.

• 22:02Mae Martin?

  Hey bub. Yeah, it's really, the movie's so funny. Um, but I, Macaulay Culkin was there and that's huge for me because people say I look like a, like child Macaulay Culkin.

• 22:13Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't get to meet anyone at that premiere. They had me on the red carpet the whole time.

• 22:17Tig Notaro?

  Oh, man.

• 22:18Fortune Feimster?

  And then, and then I was like whisked back to the backstage and then, and then off into a corner.

• 22:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 22:25Fortune Feimster?

  And so I didn't get to like, I saw you guys.

• 22:27Tig Notaro?

  Why'd they put baby in a corner?

• 22:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Because they had, they had all the voice, the voice cast together on the stage, everyone's chatting and stuff. And then they have the four, they had, they put us in the corners to come out from the side.

• 22:42Tig Notaro?

  So you didn't get to meet anybody?

• 22:44Fortune Feimster?

  Anyone. I just talked to you guys and that was it. Besides like Kiwi Kwan and Jennifer Goodwin.

• 22:50Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 22:51Mae Martin?

  I said, hey, I'm May, by the way, to Macaulay Culkin and he went, hi, I'm Mac. And I shook his hand and I thought, I can die a little bit happier. Like just, I mean.

• 23:01Tig Notaro?

  So is it him and Alanis that are your?

• 23:04Mae Martin?

  Him, Alanis, Paul McCartney, Robert Plant.

• 23:07Tig Notaro?

  And, um.

• 23:08Mae Martin?

  David Gilmour.

• 23:09Tig Notaro?

  The Rose.

• 23:10Mae Martin?

  Bette Midler.

• 23:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I would love to meet Bette Midler.

• 23:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like the big ones, you know?

• 23:14Fortune Feimster?

  Well, the classic thing that happened at the premiere is, uh.

• 23:17Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:18Fortune Feimster?

  We, the Tig moment here.

• 23:20Mae Martin?

  Well, first of all, we, they were acting, like on the red carpet, people were like, what's your, what was your favorite memory of making this movie? And like, I literally have five words. I have five words. And I'm like, I think my favorite memory was probably recording my line. I was.

• 23:37Tig Notaro?

  Alone in a sound booth?

• 23:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but then we were so, well, I was so excited for the big moment.

• 23:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:42Mae Martin?

  And then, um, I could see it was coming plot wise.

• 23:45Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 23:46Mae Martin?

  Cause I knew we were in the prison scene.

• 23:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:48Mae Martin?

  And then I see Tig get up and leave with, with one of the boys to go to the bathroom. And I thought, uh oh. And then almost as soon as you left. I saw you get up and leave and I knew, I thought.

• 23:59Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Why didn't you chase me down?

• 24:02Mae Martin?

  I think I did go Tig.

• 24:04Fortune Feimster?

  Tig, so Tig missed her entire part going to the bathroom.

• 24:09Tig Notaro?

  My son had to go to the bathroom. I can't just let him roam around with all these weird cartoon characters.

• 24:15Fortune Feimster?

  The timing of it. It's hilarious.

• 24:17Tig Notaro?

  Of course, of course. It's classic.

• 24:19Fortune Feimster?

  And you got back and Stephanie was like, oh.

• 24:22Tig Notaro?

  Yes, I got back to the stage, she was like, you missed your part. And I was like, what? We were gone for like two or three minutes, max.

• 24:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah, the exact two or three minutes.

• 24:35Tig Notaro?

  And then I walk in and it's done.

• 24:38Fortune Feimster?

  I did, y'all both disguised your voices a lot in the character. I did not.

• 24:43Mae Martin?

  Should we do our scene? What, do you remember your line now?

• 24:45Tig Notaro?

  I just think I was like, ah, ah, like something.

• 24:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you're just like, yeah.

• 24:50Mae Martin?

  I went.

• 24:51Fortune Feimster?

  I'll see you at the lunch table.

• 24:54Tig Notaro?

  I have no idea what I was saying.

• 24:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't remember, but it was so classic when I saw that you had not been in there for your part.

• 25:05Mae Martin?

  You know what?

• 25:05Tig Notaro?

  My whole family got dressed up, went to the premiere. My sons, they love getting dressed up. They had their little suits on.

• 25:14Mae Martin?

  They were so cute. I did really think, watching it and with kids in the audience, like, I wanted to make something for kids because they're the perfect audience. Like, they laugh when it's funny. They're scared when it's scary. They cry when it's sad. Like, they just are so, their emotions are so present. And it was so satisfying.

• 25:33Fortune Feimster?

  I know. I kept looking around to see like what different kids' reactions were to the different characters and so.

• 25:40Mae Martin?

  Well, no spoilers, but there's a character who you think is good and then is bad. And I was with Parvind Ama and Ama was scandalized by that. Like afterwards, it was like, did you know he was bad, that guy? And it was like, no, that was pretty tricky. It was like, well, he was acting really nice.

• 25:55Fortune Feimster?

  It was a twist.

• 25:56Tig Notaro?

  That happens in real life.

• 25:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, seriously, yeah.

• 25:59Tig Notaro?

  People pull a switcheroo on you.

• 26:02Fortune Feimster?

  It's such a fun movie.

• 26:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 26:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Jennifer Goodwin was laughing at me because, you know, when you tape these voiceover things, they don't give you a script. You know, you just have your scene.

• 26:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:14Fortune Feimster?

  And so I knew I had like taped a lot for them for like, over like the last year and a half.

• 26:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:22Fortune Feimster?

  But I didn't know, but they changed my job a lot, so I would have to re-record quite a bit. So I just didn't know like what my role in the movie was.

• 26:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:33Fortune Feimster?

  And I didn't know like anything other than like, oh, this is a cool part.

• 26:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:38Fortune Feimster?

  And I had to go to the. Screen, I had to go to a screening by myself before, uh, press. And I'm like, watching the film and because there's a lot of parts of the end where my character's around, but I'm not necessarily voicing it.

• 26:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:52Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just doing like grunts or like hmm. And I'm like, my character's like a main part of this movie.

• 26:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:59Fortune Feimster?

  I had no idea.

• 27:00Mae Martin?

  That's amazing.

• 27:01Fortune Feimster?

  And so I was just like, oh my God.

• 27:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:04Fortune Feimster?

  This is wild.

• 27:05Mae Martin?

  You were like third billing or something. You're like.

• 27:07Fortune Feimster?

  I think four, fourth, but like, um, uh, yeah. When the title card came up and, and me and Key were behind Jason and Jennifer, I was like, oh my God. This is crazy.

• 27:18Mae Martin?

  I'm like, Mae Martin level.

• 27:21Fortune Feimster?

  I got like tears in my eyes.

• 27:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's amazing.

• 27:24Fortune Feimster?

  Thought it was just so cool, like, cause I grew up on Disney movies and I never thought a million years that I would be a beaver.

• 27:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:33Fortune Feimster?

  In a Disney movie.

• 27:33Tig Notaro?

  That's odd coming.

• 27:34Mae Martin?

  It's the, it is a, I, I just watched the first one recently and I really liked the universe and that they've made. And then I, did you meet Jodie Benson on the red carpet? The voice of the original Ariel?

• 27:47Tig Notaro?

  She's in that movie?

• 27:48Mae Martin?

  No, she was on the red carpet.

• 27:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh, oh.

• 27:50Mae Martin?

  And I got emotional meeting her because she, her voice is, and she's like a true Disney princess where you know that they're good.

• 27:57Tig Notaro?

  A true Disney princess.

• 27:58Mae Martin?

  She's a true Disney princess because.

• 27:59Tig Notaro?

  None of those fake ones out there.

• 28:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Well, because instead of going, oh, nice to meet you. They go, I, I've been so excited to meet you. Like they, like you're a kid, like they go, it's you. I, I can't, I've been so excited to meet you. I've watched her say it to everybody and say it to kids she'd never met and executives. And everyone was like basking in her glow and she was magical.

• 28:19Tig Notaro?

  So even if she didn't know who you were, she was like, I've been so excited to meet you.

• 28:22Mae Martin?

  I saw her say it to these little kids and they were like, she was waiting for us.

• 28:25Tig Notaro?

  There it is.

• 28:26Mae Martin?

  So nice. Yeah.

• 28:27Fortune Feimster?

  Did she, did she do the voice and sing?

• 28:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:30Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wow.

• 28:31Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, I forgot to tell you.

• 28:34Mae Martin?

  What's up, girl?

• 28:35Tig Notaro?

  I forgot to tell you, when I was doing the red carpet.

• 28:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:38Tig Notaro?

  Doing my little pretty pictures and doing my interviews, the guy that I was talking to, he goes.

• 28:47Tig Notaro?

  He said, and Tig, I have to say, I loved, I loved you hosting Kimmel over the summer. And I was like, did you? I said, oh, that wasn't me. And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. He said, you, you hosted a few episodes. A few, I was like, no, that's fortune. People always get us confused.

• 29:10Fortune Feimster?

  We're always, always confused for each other.

• 29:13Tig Notaro?

  I was just like, wow.

• 29:16Fortune Feimster?

  That's hilarious.

• 29:17Mae Martin?

  One day, we're gonna find out what person who works on Zootopia just likes this podcast and like, put us in it.

• 29:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, do we have any knowledge?

• 29:26Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, the casting director, she was like,

• 29:28Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 29:30Fortune Feimster?

  Cause she said something like, May seemed surprised, like, May was like, handsome's in it. And she's like, yeah, that's by design.

• 29:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I was like, what a crazy coincidence, we're all in this. Oh, man.

• 29:45Fortune Feimster?

  It was, it was, it was on purpose.

• 29:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 29:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. That's so great.

• 29:49Mae Martin?

  Oh, boy.

• 29:50Tig Notaro?

  Well, it was a fun night.

• 29:51Mae Martin?

  It was a fun night. It was great to see Max and Finn in their little suits as well.

• 29:54Tig Notaro?

  Great to see.

• 29:55Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't even get to see them.

• 29:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, they were, it's funny, cause when they were getting dressed, Finn didn't like, the outfit I had pulled for him. And he took it up a notch to like, a full black suit with a white button down. And, and I was like, I'm sorry. You know, I, I just had him in a casual blazer and like,

• 30:19Mae Martin?

  No, you gotta go all out.

• 30:20Tig Notaro?

  cords, but man, he was like, I don't wanna wear that.

• 30:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:24Tig Notaro?

  I wanna wear.

• 30:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, he was going to Hollywood Boulevard.

• 30:28Tig Notaro?

  And then Max was like, I think we should do more of this stuff as a family. And I was like,

• 30:37Tig Notaro?

  You know, like,

• 30:38Fortune Feimster?

  Putting on the reds.

• 30:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, they had never been to a premiere.

• 30:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's cute.

• 30:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was fun. But and it was fun to see your little buck teeth, your crooked buck teeth. I'm sure.

• 30:50Mae Martin?

  As a character, to clarify.

• 30:54Fortune Feimster?

  Thanks for that laugh.

• 30:55Tig Notaro?

  But I was just like, are they doing that because you're from the south?

• 30:59Fortune Feimster?

  No, because I'm a beaver.

• 31:00Tig Notaro?

  I know, but like, it all, like, you can be a beaver not from the south.

• 31:06Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, they made the character. Oh, the character being southern. I mean, I can't not be from the south.

• 31:11Tig Notaro?

  I know.

• 31:11Fortune Feimster?

  In my voice.

• 31:12Tig Notaro?

  I know.

• 31:13Fortune Feimster?

  Can you try? Um, I, I could try, I guess, to not have a southern accent.

• 31:18Tig Notaro?

  Now, can you do it without making that face?

• 31:20Fortune Feimster?

  No, I can't. Your face just became like. Do it. Julie Andrews. I think that they probably wanted, I mean, the Marsh Market is sort of like Bayou. Yeah, yeah. So I think they wanted. Sure. That vibe.

• 31:34Tig Notaro?

  Well, you nailed it, kid.

• 31:36Fortune Feimster?

  Aw, thanks.

• 31:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 31:37Fortune Feimster?

  People were, people were like, did, uh, how did having those beaver teeth affect your voice? And I was like, I didn't even think about it. Oh, yeah. I just did my voice. Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? I didn't know if I was supposed to talk like this.

• 31:52Tig Notaro?

  No way. How'd the beaver teeth affect your voice?

• 31:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 32:02Fortune Feimster?

  Well, should we get to our, um, question?

• 32:04Tig Notaro?

  I think we should.

• 32:05Fortune Feimster?

  I think so. Okay, let's do it.

• 32:07Tig Notaro?

  Today's question asker is an actor who has starred in shows such as Masters of Sex and Party Down, as well as movies including Mean Girls, The People We Hated the Wedding, and the new movie, Now You See Me, Now You Don't. Lizzie Kaplan is asking today's question.

• 32:29Fortune Feimster?

  Woo-hoo. Yeah.

• 32:31Speaker 05

  Hi, I'm Lizzie Kaplan, and my question is, what is the worst, it's a two-parter. What is the worst first impression you've ever made? And what is the most incorrect first impression that you've gotten of somebody else?

• 32:50Speaker 05

  From somebody else.

• 32:51Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 32:53Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 32:54Tig Notaro?

  Lizzie.

• 32:55Mae Martin?

  That's a really good question.

• 32:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I love Lizzie.

• 33:00Fortune Feimster?

  Doesn't she live in England now?

• 33:02Tig Notaro?

  You know, I don't know her whereabouts.

• 33:05Fortune Feimster?

  I believe, I thought, I think so, but I could be wrong.

• 33:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 33:08Mae Martin?

  She was wearing a kind of Britishy sweater. It seemed kind of British.

• 33:13Tig Notaro?

  Is this British?

• 33:14Mae Martin?

  That is British.

• 33:15Fortune Feimster?

  I've got on my British coat.

• 33:18Tig Notaro?

  This isn't British, by the way.

• 33:19Fortune Feimster?

  This is a smoking jacket.

• 33:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:23Fortune Feimster?

  Cardigan. But I don't smoke.

• 33:25Mae Martin?

  The incorrect first impressions is, I mean, we're probably doing that all the time, projecting our own shit onto people. And I was part of that therapy program I did. Did I, did I tell about that part where they said, if you had a bad reaction to someone in the group, write it down? Because we were learning like, that's my negative projection.

• 33:46Fortune Feimster?

  Because then you all have to say to each other.

• 33:48Mae Martin?

  Then we had to say it to their face.

• 33:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I remember that part.

• 33:51Mae Martin?

  Okay, so I did talk about that, right?

• 33:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Were people, a couple of people, so they didn't like you?

• 33:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they said, I was dismissive and arrogant.

• 33:59Tig Notaro?

  Which you are, to be fair.

• 34:00Mae Martin?

  Affirmously.

• 34:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:01Mae Martin?

  No, I was flabbergasted, but, but I guess the point of the exercise was like, we can't really control other people's experience.

• 34:10Tig Notaro?

  Right.

• 34:10Mae Martin?

  All the time if they're, you know.

• 34:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. They get to have their feelings.

• 34:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Did anything jump into your minds about?

• 34:18Tig Notaro?

  I was just thinking, I had a screening, I was at a screening for the Come See Me in the Good Light documentary. And a childhood friend of mine came and she was telling people at the, like, I've known her since we were kids. And she was like, my mom was so scared of Tig. Because like.

• 34:44Tig Notaro?

  Well, just because like I was like, you know, like not doing well at school and like I carried my cigarettes in my pocket up on my shirt and drove a motorcycle and but my friend was like, but my mother didn't realize that like that was the extent of it.

• 35:04Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's so funny. It was like, I wonder what Tig's doing.

• 35:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, like there wasn't anything.

• 35:09Fortune Feimster?

  You weren't running amok.

• 35:10Tig Notaro?

  No, like I wasn't, I was, it was really what you saw was what you got.

• 35:15Mae Martin?

  It was the toad and the cigarettes and the t-shirt and the vibe.

• 35:17Tig Notaro?

  And like I was a class clown. I smoked cigarettes, I drove a motorcycle and her mom was just like, hard pass on this one. And then she was saying, and then when my book came out, it's called I'm Just A Person. It's a New York Times bestseller. But anyway, when that came out, my friend Ashley, she said, and then my mom like sends me your book for Christmas, you know? And she said, but, you know, as, as kids, we, she, Ashley was saying, I had friends that were like identifying as Christians and meanwhile, they were all doing drugs and getting trashed and sleeping with everyone. And, and I was just like,

• 35:59Mae Martin?

  You're just listening to the Beatles.

• 36:01Tig Notaro?

  Is Ashley home?

• 36:02Mae Martin?

  You're like, she leans.

• 36:07Tig Notaro?

  So that was a bad first impression that lasted.

• 36:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:11Tig Notaro?

  You know, I think I'm friendly. I never see Ashley's mother anymore, but I think she must be over it.

• 36:18Fortune Feimster?

  Now she's a fan. She's buying your books?

• 36:20Tig Notaro?

  Well, she bought my book and sent it to Ashley. But I think I had a lot of those parents that

• 36:25Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 36:26Tig Notaro?

  Kind of were like, what's up with that one?

• 36:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:28Fortune Feimster?

  What's up with this dyke?

• 36:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 36:30Fortune Feimster?

  Riding in here trying to take our daughters out. Were you, uh, dating back then?

• 36:36Tig Notaro?

  No. With a bowl hair, greasy bowl haircut?

• 36:39Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. We saw that one photo of you and the stickers flew off the shelf.

• 36:43Tig Notaro?

  Oh, well, I was 19 then.

• 36:45Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, what age are you talking about now?

• 36:47Tig Notaro?

  I was, you know, I was, I don't know, a few years younger than that.

• 36:51Fortune Feimster?

  So you hadn't come into your own yet?

• 36:52Tig Notaro?

  I hadn't. I really hadn't. What about you guys? I'm sure you have a million bad impressions you've made, both of you?

• 37:00Fortune Feimster?

  I had an interesting time when I lived in Spain for, I lived in Spain for a year after I graduated college. And during that time, I didn't know many people in Spain.

• 37:13Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 37:14Fortune Feimster?

  One of my, like, making friends.

• 37:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, got it.

• 37:17Fortune Feimster?

  It was very hard to make friends. And my, my good friend from college was also in Seville at that same time. So we hung out a lot, but other than that, I was alone a ton.

• 37:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 37:27Fortune Feimster?

  And I was also traveling around Europe by myself. So I was constantly alone and I didn't realize that it was really affecting my personality. Whereas I was like really, you know, silly, I'm similar now to what I was in college.

• 37:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 37:44Fortune Feimster?

  Boisterous, silly, ridiculous. And in Spain, I was pretty introverted, pretty quiet and shy. Like, it really brought my personality

• 37:53Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 37:53Fortune Feimster?

  super down.

• 37:54Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 37:55Fortune Feimster?

  To just being very like, yeah, I was like the wallflower.

• 37:59Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 37:59Fortune Feimster?

  And so when I moved, I moved to LA.

• 38:02Tig Notaro?

  But you said you kind of were a wallflower when you were younger too?

• 38:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, when I was pretty young.

• 38:07Mae Martin?

  You were just like comfortable with your own company too, where you were just in Spain?

• 38:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I was just by myself constantly, but I didn't realize how quiet I had become.

• 38:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:15Fortune Feimster?

  And so when I moved to LA, that personality came with me. And it made it really hard for me to meet friends in LA my first two years. People thought I was such a dork and had no personality. No one wanted, no one wanted to be my friend.

• 38:33Mae Martin?

  Imagine describing you as someone with no personality.

• 38:35Fortune Feimster?

  Well, because I kind of didn't. I was still being demure and like still being quiet. And so I was just a different person and like no one wanted to be my friend.

• 38:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:46Fortune Feimster?

  And so I've met this guy, Steve, who was working, I was working for this actress and he was working on her show.

• 38:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:55Fortune Feimster?

  And he was wearing a Carolina shirt. And I was like, oh my God, someone from North Carolina. It was like, I could breathe, like, oh my God, there's some comfort here. And I desperately wanted to be his friend, but my desperation was like oozing out of me, I guess. Where he was like, mm.

• 39:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, the desperate stank.

• 39:13Fortune Feimster?

  Any thought had a crush on him.

• 39:15Mae Martin?

  No.

• 39:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 39:16Mae Martin?

  Because you were like, nah.

• 39:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, because I was just like really wanted to be his friend. And so he was like, whoa, like, so he Did not want to be my friend and like would not hang out with me, but I knew I was like, we're supposed to be best friends, but you can't tell people that or you're crazy.

• 39:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 39:35Fortune Feimster?

  But I just knew in my gut, I was like, this is supposed to be my best friend, but I don't know how to make him know that we're supposed to be best friends and my personality is not great right now. So I had the, I gave him the-

• 39:47Tig Notaro?

  Did you tell him all of that?

• 39:48Fortune Feimster?

  Later, we laugh about it now.

• 39:50Tig Notaro?

  But he's who became your roommate?

• 39:51Fortune Feimster?

  He's became my roommate, yeah.

• 39:53Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes.

• 39:54Fortune Feimster?

  So, um, so I had the worst impression of myself. He just was not having it.

• 40:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 40:02Fortune Feimster?

  And then, so for months went by, not friends, did not hang out. But somehow we exchanged, remember the AOL Messenger?

• 40:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:11Fortune Feimster?

  Thing where you could leave like, it was very popular at the time and you could leave like away messages or whatever and-

• 40:18Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what are away messages?

• 40:19Fortune Feimster?

  Like when you were like idle, not like not there, but your computer stayed on.

• 40:24Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 40:25Fortune Feimster?

  You, it would say like so and so's offline, but it would have like a message like-

• 40:30Tig Notaro?

  But I'll be back after I go to the bathroom.

• 40:32Fortune Feimster?

  Whatever, yeah.

• 40:32Mae Martin?

  Perfect example.

• 40:33Tig Notaro?

  It'll take me about 15 minutes, I'll explain later.

• 40:36Fortune Feimster?

  Exactly.

• 40:37Mae Martin?

  See, you would have crushed-

• 40:38Tig Notaro?

  Rotten chicken.

• 40:38Fortune Feimster?

  I had his AOL thing and my roommate was moving back home and his roommate was leaving and he put on his Messenger that he needed a roommate and I was like, this is my end.

• 40:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god, and he's like, damn.

• 40:52Fortune Feimster?

  And yeah, he was like-

• 40:56Mae Martin?

  The dork wants to move in.

• 40:58Fortune Feimster?

  The dork wants to live with me. And I'm just like, I need a roommate, I would, but he's so nice that he didn't like know what to say. So he just kind of was like, alright. And then of course, I moved in, but once I had a friend, my personality started to come back.

• 41:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:15Fortune Feimster?

  And then I ended up being his most fun friend he's ever had in his entire life.

• 41:18Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 41:19Mae Martin?

  Do you bring it up a lot where you're like, he thought I was lame and-

• 41:22Fortune Feimster?

  Thought I was lame and he thought I had a crush on him.

• 41:24Mae Martin?

  That's the best.

• 41:25Fortune Feimster?

  I wasn't out technically at the time, so I mean, I guess.

• 41:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:30Fortune Feimster?

  You know, it was unclear.

• 41:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:33Fortune Feimster?

  But I was like-

• 41:34Tig Notaro?

  Unqueer.

• 41:34Fortune Feimster?

  Unqueer. But yeah, he definitely, um, everyone that met me in that first, especially a year in LA, thought I was the biggest dork.

• 41:44Mae Martin?

  Forgettable.

• 41:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like this girl. He's gonna go pack it back up to North Carolina.

• 41:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's so funny.

• 41:52Mae Martin?

  I'm trying to think. I mean, all through, I mean, it just, I think a lot of parents and my friends and my teens are probably rightly like, this is such a pretentious little idiot. And then God, that sounded too real when I said that. Oh, because I was like, yeah, I'm not really into new music. Like, I was like, I was literally reading Jack Kerouac. Like, I was such a cliche and like writing in my little notebook and just like so tortured and

• 42:21Tig Notaro?

  Aww.

• 42:22Mae Martin?

  But I'm thinking about

• 42:24Tig Notaro?

  But that's all gone away.

• 42:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, of course.

• 42:27Tig Notaro?

  You grew out of that.

• 42:29Mae Martin?

  I literally go home and read Jack Kerouac and write in my notebook and write sad poems. No, I'm still in it. Uh, I'm thinking of, I don't know if I've talked about on the pod before, because I, I'm, I sort of don't, but that my uncle married the Queen of England's niece. So and I was eight.

• 42:49Tig Notaro?

  Royalty. Yes, I mean. Marry the Queen. He's up.

• 42:56Mae Martin?

  But it's so crazy because it says on my Wikipedia page that I'm like related to the Queen, but this is, I swear, I'm not an nepo baby. Like, this was so random and so far from our family. And my uncle was an actor and a painter and then met this woman and she goes, I'm Princess Margaret's daughter. And then, and they're an amazing couple. Anyway.

• 43:17Tig Notaro?

  Oh, Princess Margaret.

• 43:18Mae Martin?

  I went to the

• 43:19Tig Notaro?

  That one, that princess.

• 43:22Mae Martin?

  So I go to the wedding.

• 43:23Tig Notaro?

  Royalty.

• 43:24Mae Martin?

  No, I swear.

• 43:27Tig Notaro?

  There's no way you're gonna convince us. Royalty. I mean, look at the boots on the floor.

• 43:32Mae Martin?

  It is

• 43:33Tig Notaro?

  That is royal boots right there.

• 43:36Mae Martin?

  It's so far from

• 43:37Tig Notaro?

  Is he alive?

• 43:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I have an uncle and aunt and cousins and stuff. And when I lived in England, I would see them. They're awesome. They're like, they just, they're painters and they live in a normal house, but it is bizarre. And

• 43:48Tig Notaro?

  Because she, because she is in the royal family, right?

• 43:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and my cousins are like in line to the throne, I guess.

• 43:56Tig Notaro?

  Oh, wow.

• 43:56Mae Martin?

  But I don't like to talk about it because it may, it's

• 43:59Tig Notaro?

  Because it's so not your life.

• 44:00Mae Martin?

  It's so not my life.

• 44:01Tig Notaro?

  Not your, yeah. Where are you in line for the throne? Like, because after everyone.

• 44:07Mae Martin?

  Love for you to be in that royal family.

• 44:10Tig Notaro?

  Would you still do this podcast if you were the king?

• 44:13Mae Martin?

  The in line to the throne thing should be connected to your IMDb rating.

• 44:17Tig Notaro?

  Where are you right now?

• 44:20Mae Martin?

  I don't have been number one.

• 44:22Tig Notaro?

  I know. Four hundred and fifty one.

• 44:25Mae Martin?

  I'm way down.

• 44:26Tig Notaro?

  You have dipped. Thomas, do you look up?

• 44:30Fortune Feimster?

  Take checks every week.

• 44:33Mae Martin?

  Thirty five?

• 44:34Tig Notaro?

  Thirty five is very high.

• 44:36Mae Martin?

  No, I was one, guys.

• 44:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but you don't understand.

• 44:40Mae Martin?

  Not a month ago.

• 44:41Fortune Feimster?

  People go from like twenty to like nine hundred like that.

• 44:44Tig Notaro?

  No, May is on the way out.

• 44:46Mae Martin?

  I'm on the way.

• 44:47Fortune Feimster?

  His career is done.

• 44:48Mae Martin?

  Thomas, who's number one?

• 44:51Tig Notaro?

  Fortune.

• 44:51Fortune Feimster?

  Thirty five is, no, I'm not, I'm like nine fifty or, no, I'm like twelve hundred.

• 44:56Speaker 04

  Jacob Elordi.

• 44:57Mae Martin?

  Jacob Elordi, yeah, that's fair.

• 44:59Fortune Feimster?

  You were in rare air, rare fun air, you royal.

• 45:02Mae Martin?

  But wait, anyway, my, the end of this dumb stone story is that I'm eight years old and I was living in England and we got to go to the royal wedding, which was at the palace. It was in a church and then it was at.

• 45:13Fortune Feimster?

  Princess Diana's wedding?

• 45:14Mae Martin?

  No, to my uncle's wedding.

• 45:15Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that wedding?

• 45:16Mae Martin?

  And we were so excited and.

• 45:18Tig Notaro?

  I got so stoked. May wasn't alive when Princess Diana got married.

• 45:25Tig Notaro?

  But you were there?

• 45:29Mae Martin?

  But anyways, everyone.

• 45:30Fortune Feimster?

  Tell us everything.

• 45:31Tig Notaro?

  Tell us everything.

• 45:33Fortune Feimster?

  I wasn't even born yet.

• 45:35Tig Notaro?

  May is like, I don't like to talk about it, but it was Princess Diana's.

• 45:40Mae Martin?

  If you zoom in, you can see me, I'm one of the choir boys.

• 45:43Fortune Feimster?

  So they had a royal wedding?

• 45:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and my grandma, this is like, imagine a British woman in your sixties at the time or whatever, and you get to go to the royal, like, she was so excited. And everyone was like, May, when you meet the queen, like, there'll be a lineup and you have to curtsey and you have to say, your, your majesty. And it was all this protocol and I was eight and I couldn't keep it straight in my head and, and, and that was my worst first impression, I think, is I panicked. They said, oh, and if anyone. Ask you about your handbag, a little purse, they go, say it's Venetian. I don't know what this, I remember this, it's like a weird dream. So Prince Charles comes up to me and goes, what a lovely handbag. And I went, it's Venetian.

• 46:24Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, is this the dream or is this real?

• 46:27Mae Martin?

  This is real, I swear to God.

• 46:29Fortune Feimster?

  What a lovely handbag.

• 46:30Mae Martin?

  What a lovely handbag. And I went, it's Venetian. And I was so manic. It was so overwhelming, the whole thing, that my aunt had to tell me, you need to stop trying to follow me around and talk to me. I had to talk to other people because she was like a celebrity, like a bride is always the celebrity of the wedding. And I was, in all the photos, I'm literally just like hanging on to her dress. But anyway, I met the Queen and I went for a handshake, like you're supposed to, and I-

• 46:53Fortune Feimster?

  That's a big no-no, right?

• 46:55Mae Martin?

  I couldn't do the curtsy and I just went, ma'am, Mae Martin.

• 46:57Tig Notaro?

  And what did she do?

• 46:58Mae Martin?

  She's so nice.

• 46:59Fortune Feimster?

  Did she shake your hand though?

• 47:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she was like, hello.

• 47:02Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I guess with a child.

• 47:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, everyone was so nice to me, but.

• 47:05Tig Notaro?

  And then what, what would be more exciting to you, meeting the Queen or Tom Cruise?

• 47:11Mae Martin?

  I think you know the answer.

• 47:13Tig Notaro?

  TC.

• 47:14Mae Martin?

  It's TC every day, yeah. I mean, it was thrilling though, but overstimulating and-

• 47:19Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 47:20Mae Martin?

  And then, um, I was having driving lessons recently and my driving instructor-

• 47:24Tig Notaro?

  Still?

• 47:25Mae Martin?

  Oh, I'm taking every-

• 47:26Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, it has been two years since you talked about getting this license.

• 47:30Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 47:31Fortune Feimster?

  It's when we started the pod, May was like, I gotta get my license.

• 47:35Tig Notaro?

  What are you not getting?

• 47:36Mae Martin?

  Well, I stopped for-

• 47:37Tig Notaro?

  You turn the steering wheel, you push go and stop.

• 47:41Mae Martin?

  There's more than that to it.

• 47:42Tig Notaro?

  The ignition.

• 47:43Mae Martin?

  Parallel parking, I'm turning all the way to the right, then all the way to the left.

• 47:47Fortune Feimster?

  Parallel parking is the hardest part of driving.

• 47:49Tig Notaro?

  It's so easy.

• 47:50Fortune Feimster?

  But then just don't parallel park for a bit.

• 47:52Mae Martin?

  Well, my driving instructor, Robert, he, he taught the McConaughey kids how to drive, as well as some of the Kardashian kids.

• 48:01Fortune Feimster?

  Alright, alright, alright.

• 48:02Mae Martin?

  I know, so I was telling my friend and they were like, of course you have the Nepo baby driving instructor, because you have Nepo baby energy. And I don't, I don't-

• 48:10Tig Notaro?

  You have Nepo baby energy? What is that?

• 48:12Mae Martin?

  They're like, you don't cook, you take Ubers, like-

• 48:16Fortune Feimster?

  I know, you do, Uber eats a lot, right?

• 48:18Mae Martin?

  I'm turning a new leaf, I'm getting my license.

• 48:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 48:21Mae Martin?

  I'm cooking, I made this week, I made them.

• 48:23Tig Notaro?

  When are you getting your license?

• 48:24Mae Martin?

  December 8th, I'm doing the test.

• 48:26Tig Notaro?

  And then it'll be years still.

• 48:28Mae Martin?

  When this comes out, I hopefully-

• 48:29Fortune Feimster?

  You'll have your license.

• 48:30Tig Notaro?

  We'll, we'll be in the studio next time and we just like, a car slams through the wall.

• 48:37Tig Notaro?

  Like the Kool-Aid, May got their license.

• 48:40Mae Martin?

  Anyways, but that was probably the worst first impression I made to everyone at that wedding.

• 48:46Fortune Feimster?

  To all of the royals.

• 48:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and there's a photograph where I'm just lying on my back in my dress in the middle of the grass.

• 48:53Fortune Feimster?

  You get a pass, I think, when you're eight, though.

• 48:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're eight, right?

• 48:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 48:57Mae Martin?

  I met the corgis.

• 48:59Fortune Feimster?

  All those cute.

• 49:00Mae Martin?

  It was crazy.

• 49:01Fortune Feimster?

  There were many of them, right?

• 49:02Mae Martin?

  There were so many of them, yeah. Yeah, and I met the Queen Mother, and Princess Diana was there briefly.

• 49:07Fortune Feimster?

  Ugh.

• 49:08Mae Martin?

  And it was a magical day.

• 49:10Fortune Feimster?

  Princess Diana and I had the same birthday, so.

• 49:12Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 49:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, kindred spirit.

• 49:14Mae Martin?

  No way, and the hair.

• 49:16Tig Notaro?

  Diana, I started stand-up.

• 49:21Mae Martin?

  With, she was coming up at the same time?

• 49:23Tig Notaro?

  The day.

• 49:24Mae Martin?

  Nice.

• 49:25Tig Notaro?

  Before, like, right around when she died.

• 49:28Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 49:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 49:29Mae Martin?

  That was your first stand-up?

• 49:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, it was right around then.

• 49:33Mae Martin?

  Well, I can bring this all, this whole episode all together.

• 49:36Fortune Feimster?

  Bring it.

• 49:37Tig Notaro?

  We need that every episode.

• 49:39Fortune Feimster?

  We want a full circle moment.

• 49:41Mae Martin?

  That then, I was watching The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly with my family, and then the phone rang and my grandfather was on the phone. He said Princess Diana's died, turned on the news, and we turned on the news, and the first thing we saw was CNN, and we have Tom Cruise on the line. And it was Tom Cruise calling into CNN saying, "The paparazzi, like, this is what happened." It was just so weird, the first thing we heard was his take on it, and he was really passionate.

• 50:08Fortune Feimster?

  That is who we want to hear from in a national.

• 50:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 50:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 50:11Fortune Feimster?

  Or worldly.

• 50:12Tig Notaro?

  You really did bring it.

• 50:14Mae Martin?

  I did, right?

• 50:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Is any of it true?

• 50:16Mae Martin?

  None of it.

• 50:17Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 50:17Fortune Feimster?

  Not a word.

• 50:21Tig Notaro?

  I also want to acknowledge, like, as far as bad first impressions, after I said what mine was.

• 50:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 50:28Tig Notaro?

  I realized that I, as a child, and even as an adult, for a long time, was way more shut off.

• 50:40Tig Notaro?

  Armor protective.

• 50:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 50:42Tig Notaro?

  Hadn't worked through a lot of stuff. And I'm certain I made a ton of terrible first impressions.

• 50:50Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 50:50Tig Notaro?

  Where I was like, you know, the punk rock, not that I was ever punk rock, but you know, the punk rock kid, like as long as you just say hello to them, they're like, hi.

• 50:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 50:58Tig Notaro?

  But they, you know, it's scary.

• 51:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:01Tig Notaro?

  And it's like, they're punk rock usually because.

• 51:06Mae Martin?

  There's something going on.

• 51:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's a little soft on the inside.

• 51:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's so true.

• 51:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and so I realized like, yeah, I think, I think, you know, when I got really sick and lost my mother and stuff, it like really cracked me open in a very different way.

• 51:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:23Tig Notaro?

  Even going through all this with Andrea and Meg and the movie and I just have a very different look.

• 51:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:33Tig Notaro?

  Not look, but outlook. And so, yeah, I'm sure I made a ton of terrible first impressions.

• 51:41Mae Martin?

  Well, have you ever had, when you're in a group or at a dinner party and I've, so often I'm like, this person hates me. Like, why, this person is so rude to me. And then it turns out that they're just a fan or they're nervous. And they're like, later on, they're like, oh yeah, I saw that thing and I really liked it. And the whole night I've been going, this fucking asshole is like, I'm just, they're, they don't even want to look at me. And I'm just trying to, you know what I mean?

• 52:01Tig Notaro?

  You're creating everything.

• 52:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:03Tig Notaro?

  Well, when I sat, to go back to the Governor's Awards, I sat down, there's an actress next to me and I, and I was like, oh, I'm just gonna be the one that says hi. Yeah, yeah, I didn't, I wasn't.

• 52:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:15Tig Notaro?

  Familiar with her, but I was like, hey, I'm Tig. And she was like, hi, how are you? So friendly. And I was like.

• 52:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:22Tig Notaro?

  It's a reminder to do that.

• 52:24Mae Martin?

  To make the effort, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, so, anyway.

• 52:28Fortune Feimster?

  Well, to really bring it full circle with Tom Cruise. He is famously.

• 52:35Mae Martin?

  Famously?

• 52:36Fortune Feimster?

  Famously.

• 52:37Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 52:38Fortune Feimster?

  Known.

• 52:39Tig Notaro?

  Is it your buck teeth?

• 52:40Fortune Feimster?

  Get in the way. Yeah, they're finally doing the voice. Have we talked about the Tom Cruise cake?

• 52:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. He remembers everyone's name.

• 52:49Fortune Feimster?

  It's coming up soon where people on his list will be getting this Tom Cruise cake.

• 52:57Tig Notaro?

  Do you think I'm on the list?

• 52:58Fortune Feimster?

  I hope to God that you are, because if you are, I don't, I don't think it would be vegan.

• 53:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, so you get it.

• 53:05Fortune Feimster?

  You should give it to me.

• 53:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you guys.

• 53:07Fortune Feimster?

  It's coconut, it's coconut. So yeah, I will take it. All I want is a Tom.

• 53:13Tig Notaro?

  You have to Thomas.

• 53:14Fortune Feimster?

  I will get, for sure, Thomas can have half. I don't need a whole cake.

• 53:17Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 53:17Fortune Feimster?

  Thomas is gonna have half and I have the other half.

• 53:19Tig Notaro?

  But you do need half a cake. And Thomas does need the other half.

• 53:23Fortune Feimster?

  I do need half a cake.

• 53:24Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 53:25Fortune Feimster?

  I don't, I, I mean, if I met TC, great.

• 53:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 53:28Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but I really just want him to send me one of his cakes.

• 53:32Mae Martin?

  You can probably buy that.

• 53:33Fortune Feimster?

  You can buy it in Woodland Hills at Don's Bakery.

• 53:36Tig Notaro?

  You know where it is?

• 53:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yes.

• 53:38Tig Notaro?

  Why haven't you gone to get one?

• 53:41Fortune Feimster?

  I've had it before. You can buy them on Goldbelly.

• 53:43Tig Notaro?

  What is Goldbelly?

• 53:45Fortune Feimster?

  You've never heard of Goldbelly?

• 53:46Tig Notaro?

  No, have you?

• 53:47Fortune Feimster?

  You can like buy.

• 53:49Tig Notaro?

  Two against one, Goldbelly. No, have you, Thomas?

• 53:53Speaker 04

  We've talked about it on the podcast.

• 53:55Fortune Feimster?

  You guys don't ever listen to me. It's a, it's a website where like restaurants sell their like, they're known for their cakes or like, they're known for their lobster rolls or they're known for their whatever pizza. And you can buy that restaurants or whatever companies thing.

• 54:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:13Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, you know, eight layer pies or whatever. And yeah, the Tom Cruise cake is one of the cakes you can buy.

• 54:19Mae Martin?

  But you want it specifically from him.

• 54:21Fortune Feimster?

  I want it from him, but it also is delicious and I will just eat it.

• 54:24Tig Notaro?

  Well, you're gonna end up in a, a action film with him.

• 54:28Fortune Feimster?

  Obviously.

• 54:30Mae Martin?

  I mean, you will, but also I wouldn't be surprised if you did.

• 54:33Fortune Feimster?

  Like if. Take my end up in the first.

• 54:36Tig Notaro?

  If I have to.

• 54:37Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 54:38Tig Notaro?

  It's why I got into stand up.

• 54:39Fortune Feimster?

  It's why I got into this biz.

• 54:42Mae Martin?

  After Princess.

• 54:44Fortune Feimster?

  So yeah, I'm, maybe, maybe we'll get a Tom Cruise cake.

• 54:47Mae Martin?

  I'd actually be a bit freaked out if I met him once and then ding dong, the cake arrives.

• 54:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 54:52Tig Notaro?

  See, I'm gonna be freaked out after meeting him once and I don't get a cake.

• 54:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're gonna be like, what did I do wrong?

• 54:58Tig Notaro?

  What if, oh my gosh, girl.

• 55:00Fortune Feimster?

  Girl.

• 55:01Tig Notaro?

  What if? Girl, girl. Oh my God, curly toes.

• 55:05Mae Martin?

  My toes are curled.

• 55:07Tig Notaro?

  What if?

• 55:08Fortune Feimster?

  Girl, what?

• 55:09Tig Notaro?

  He gets me the cake and it's vegan.

• 55:12Fortune Feimster?

  That would be crazy, girl.

• 55:14Tig Notaro?

  Classic TC, taking care of stuff.

• 55:17Fortune Feimster?

  TC is TC bean.

• 55:21Tig Notaro?

  I cannot wait for my vegan coconut cake. Should we hear Lizzie's response? Remember, we were still gonna do that?

• 55:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 55:32Speaker 05

  My answer is a bit of a cop out, but also true. I feel like my first impressions are always, the ones I make are often very bad. People think that I'm, that I think I'm like too cool for school. I've heard that a lot. And bad first impressions of other people, you know, that I miscalculate every time. Everybody, everybody.

• 55:58Tig Notaro?

  Everybody. So always her and always everybody.

• 56:02Fortune Feimster?

  Always everybody.

• 56:04Tig Notaro?

  Always her and always everybody. Fair enough.

• 56:07Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, I'm gonna remember that.

• 56:08Tig Notaro?

  But I have to say, when I was sick, Lizzie reached out to me. And she said, every Friday is Tig Day and I'm gonna email and remind you how great you are.

• 56:21Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 56:22Tig Notaro?

  And she did that.

• 56:23Fortune Feimster?

  It'd be great if you said she never did it.

• 56:26Tig Notaro?

  And then never heard from her again.

• 56:28Fortune Feimster?

  She's like, I think Tig's fine though.

• 56:31Tig Notaro?

  She's good.

• 56:31Fortune Feimster?

  I can stop doing this, right?

• 56:33Tig Notaro?

  Every now and then it crosses my mind. I'm like, should I write her and be like, what happened to the emails on Fridays?

• 56:41Fortune Feimster?

  That's nice though. I mean, to do it, for someone to do it steadily for that long is unusual.

• 56:47Tig Notaro?

  For sure. But where are they?

• 56:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I believe she's in England.

• 56:54Tig Notaro?

  Well, email works, Lizzie.

• 56:56Fortune Feimster?

  I guess.

• 56:57Tig Notaro?

  Email works in England.

• 56:59Fortune Feimster?

  So they say.

• 57:00Tig Notaro?

  Who said that?

• 57:02Fortune Feimster?

  The governor.

• 57:03Tig Notaro?

  The governor.

• 57:04Fortune Feimster?

  The royals. The governor.

• 57:07Tig Notaro?

  Well.

• 57:07Fortune Feimster?

  Well.

• 57:08Tig Notaro?

  Well, well, you guys.

• 57:10Fortune Feimster?

  What a delightful way to spend a 5pm.

• 57:13Tig Notaro?

  You think my hands are cold? Feel this one.

• 57:15Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my god, are you like an ice block?

• 57:17Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 57:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, what's up with y'all?

• 57:19Tig Notaro?

  Well, I'm warm now.

• 57:21Fortune Feimster?

  I've been drinking this frosty bev. I've put my hands in my cooter.

• 57:28Tig Notaro?

  And on that note. In my coochie.

• 57:33Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god. Shout out Kate McCouchy. Kate is a real good sport. Woo lordy.

• 57:40Fortune Feimster?

  Does anyone have anything they'd like to promote?

• 57:42Mae Martin?

  Well, first of all, I want to say my animal painting books that I made are restocked. And what a great holiday gift. All 100% of the ProFeeds, ProFeeds?

• 57:53Tig Notaro?

  Yes, ProFeeds.

• 57:54Mae Martin?

  All the ProFeeds.

• 57:55Tig Notaro?

  All the ProFeeds.

• 57:57Fortune Feimster?

  All the ProFeeds.

• 57:58Mae Martin?

  All the ProFeeds. Famously.

• 58:00Fortune Feimster?

  Famously ProFeeds.

• 58:03Mae Martin?

  They all go to Doctors Without Borders and go to Animal Art by May on Etsy. And there's these paintings and hats and tote bags and stuff. But also I'm on tour starting the end of February and I just added a bunch of extra late shows. And I would love people to come to them.

• 58:20Tig Notaro?

  You want people at your shows?

• 58:21Mae Martin?

  I, for once, yeah. I'm going to Austin. I know that. I need to sell some more tickets there. Uh, yeah, anywhere that you like.

• 58:30Tig Notaro?

  Well, I'm also going on tour.

• 58:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, you know.

• 58:33Tig Notaro?

  Did I cut off your tour information?

• 58:34Mae Martin?

  No.

• 58:35Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 58:35Mae Martin?

  And you want some people to come to yours?

• 58:36Tig Notaro?

  Uh, yeah. I, I, I have quite a few dates here, but I was just going to mention a few of them. One of them being January 14th in Fort Lauderdale.

• 58:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 58:49Tig Notaro?

  Orlando.

• 58:51Fortune Feimster?

  Get your keeny out.

• 58:52Tig Notaro?

  January 15th in Orlando, Jacksonville, Florida.

• 58:57Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 58:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. January 17th, I'll be there. And then Oklahoma City, February 20th, Midland, Texas.

• 59:05Fortune Feimster?

  Midland.

• 59:06Tig Notaro?

  Come on, Midland. Midland.

• 59:09Fortune Feimster?

  Nero, Nero Dessa.

• 59:11Tig Notaro?

  February, really? February 21st. And then I also wanted to tell you guys about Red Bank, New Jersey, April 26th, Brooks, California, May 15th, and Kalispell, Montana, June 11th.

• 59:28Fortune Feimster?

  Pretty area.

• 59:29Tig Notaro?

  Yes. Beautiful areas that I'll be in.

• 59:32Fortune Feimster?

  Beautiful.

• 59:33Tig Notaro?

  Beautiful. And please come on out. Go to Tignotaro.com for the rest of the dates. But I just wanted to let you know, it's different months and different cities and states. All sorts of stuff going on. Heck, yeah.

• 59:45Fortune Feimster?

  Heck, yeah. I'm also on tour.

• 59:48Tig Notaro?

  Are you?

• 59:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I've got shows coming up in, where? I'm in Orlando, Florida. St. Petersburg. We got, uh, what else we got? We got Norfolk, Virginia.

• 1:00:01Tig Notaro?

  I feel like you've been going there for a long time.

• 1:00:03Fortune Feimster?

  Cause that one got rescheduled, so that's why.

• 1:00:05Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:00:06Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, but it's definitely happening right after Christmas. Salt Lake City, uh, Vancouver. And then, uh, spend New Year's Eve with me in Seattle, y'all. That's gonna be a fun one.

• 1:00:15Mae Martin?

  Don't have to tell me twice.

• 1:00:17Fortune Feimster?

  Come on up.

• 1:00:17Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna come.

• 1:00:18Fortune Feimster?

  And then right after that, Mobile, Alabama, uh, New Orleans and Atlanta and a bunch more. I think, uh, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Des Moines, a lot of places. So, yeah, get those tickets, y'all.

• 1:00:30Tig Notaro?

  We're easy to trip over.

• 1:00:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we are.

• 1:00:33Tig Notaro?

  And also, if you have not seen Come See Me in the Good Light, please check it out on Apple TV. It went to the number one spot on Apple.

• 1:00:41Fortune Feimster?

  That's incredible.

• 1:00:42Tig Notaro?

  Number one movie out of all genres. So.

• 1:00:44Fortune Feimster?

  That's crazy.

• 1:00:45Tig Notaro?

  It is really, really something.

• 1:00:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I met Megan and, uh, she immediately called me Fortune Marie.

• 1:00:52Tig Notaro?

  Did she?

• 1:00:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that was real sweet.

• 1:00:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, isn't she wonderful?

• 1:00:56Fortune Feimster?

  She's incredible.

• 1:00:56Tig Notaro?

  Incredible. Um, well, um, yeah, go to handsomepod.com, get your merch.

• 1:01:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we got new merch out.

• 1:01:03Mae Martin?

  Holiday merch.

• 1:01:04Tig Notaro?

  Also, share your favorite episode with your loved ones. Let's continue to build this community. It's incredible.

• 1:01:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:13Tig Notaro?

  Our listeners are incredible. And until next time, what do you say?

• 1:01:17Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 1:01:20Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 1:01:35Tig Notaro?

  What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast.

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  That was a HeadGum podcast.

• 1:01:43Speaker 06

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris. And Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 1:02:08Speaker 07

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:02:21Speaker 06

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:02:32Speaker 07

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.