MBMBaM 835: American Comedy Story

Today we’ll be your Funcierge, here to guide you through our entertainment show experience! It’s not quite a game show, but we do have a number of thrilling challenges for you to enjoy, like playing big connect four, trying to explain what you do for a living to strangers, and naming literally any historical event at all! Suggested Talking Points: World Record in Elephant Toothpaste, YouTuber Ocean’s Eleven, One-Man Couples Costume, Thirty Travises or One Thirty-Times Travis Center for Reproductive Rights: https://reproductiverights.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:20Speaker 01

  One, two, three, four. It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has lost it. It's rapid into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:09Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother Travis, Big Dog, Wolf of Room, from the heater award-winning McElroy.

• 1:22Griffin McElroy?

  What's good, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, Griffin, 30 under 30, media luminary, built for tough McElroy.

• 1:28Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I have a really exciting news story. Uh, this is, this is coming in really hot today as we're recording this. Um, and I wanted to share it with you guys. I am going to try my best to not stop it, but I think it will soon become impossible.

• 1:47Griffin McElroy?

  Stop the news. Stop the thing that's happening.

• 1:49Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna try not to stop the news.

• 1:51Speaker 04

  Is facing charges accused of posing as a substitute teacher at Rufus King High School, swearing, screaming, and insulting students in class.

• 1:59Speaker 05

  That's just the start of it. Uh, Ben Hanson's been following this story all night long, trying to get more answers about how this is even possible. Ben, what have you learned tonight?

• 2:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, guys, this story has a lot of layers. It happened on September 24th, and according to the criminal complaint, this woman pretending to be a sub got into the school just by putting her name on a sign-in sheet.

• 2:21Griffin McElroy?

  Not great.

• 2:22Speaker 06

  And had scouted out the school beforehand.

• 2:23Griffin McElroy?

  Not great. Can we pause? Can we pause real quick?

• 2:26Travis McElroy?

  No, not great. Moving on.

• 2:28Speaker 06

  The room of Rufus King High School students got quite a surprise during their first period class. Instead of their normal teacher, the criminal complaint says, they got 23-year-old Amy Jones, who didn't work for Rufus King or the substitute teaching agency it uses. In the criminal complaint, students said Jones used profane language, racial slurs, sexually derogative statements, and organized students by race and gender. It went on to say Jones also bragged about having felonies and being okay with going to jail. A real teacher set up class materials on the smartboard with Jones in the classroom for the first 20 minutes, then began acting out when that teacher left.

• 3:05Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so this is where I wanted to stop for the first part.

• 3:08Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, yeah, it's not a great, great story from, from off rip, I will say. It sounds, if I found out this happened in my kids' class, I would be, I would be very disturbed.

• 3:18Travis McElroy?

  Well, that's such an interesting and funny approach to it, Griffin. Thank you for choosing that. Travis, do you have a different take that's maybe a little bit more constructive? I can't help but think of the book, Ms. Nelson is Missing, Justin. Yeah, Travis, I, I think that that's a very valid concern here. This person came into the class, a substitute teacher, did class for 20 minutes, left, and this rascal got up and started teaching for them? That's not the way the system is built? I think the thing that I'm most questioning, Justin, first of all, to be a news person, to have my boss coming to my office and say, clear everything else off.

• 4:03Travis McElroy?

  I need you to follow this story all night long. Follow this story all night long. This is a continuously evolving situation. Much like both onions and Shrek, this story has layers. And I need you to get to the bottom of this. But Justin, my second question is. Yeah. At no point did the actual substitute teacher come in and go, oh, I guess I'm not needed. There's a substitute teacher here already.

• 4:27Griffin McElroy?

  That's a catch me if you can scenario.

• 4:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, catch me if you didn't. You, you left and then I just started doing it.

• 4:34Speaker 06

  Students also say Jones started playing rap music very loud and dissed kids for their weight, race, looks, and money, even asked.

• 4:42Travis McElroy?

  So not content, not content to, not content to take over as the fake sub. This teacher then begins razzing, just absolutely dunking on all the kids in the classroom. Excellent. Now, it's been a while since I was a high school student. Yeah. My question to you guys would be, if you're a student in this classroom, how long before you're like, wait a minute? Wait a minute. This doesn't seem like procedure. I think you're letting it play out.

• 5:15Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, it's better than learning, right? Like, it's obviously not great.

• 5:20Travis McElroy?

  I mean, you're learning something.

• 5:21Griffin McElroy?

  It's not great to get razzed and slammed.

• 5:23Travis McElroy?

  Um, yeah, razzed for not having enough money and stuff like that. Certainly.

• 5:27Griffin McElroy?

  That's crazy. How do you get that? I, I wonder how you get that? Like, how do you get to know the kids that well in 20 minutes that you can be like?

• 5:33Travis McElroy?

  How much money do you have? Just reading all of them.

• 5:35Griffin McElroy?

  Thomas, your parents, your parents' finances leave a lot to be desired.

• 5:39Speaker 06

  Seeing if any students had a vape or marijuana because, quote, "The class was so lame and annoying."

• 5:45Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, awesome. Now, I'm, hey, can I say something? Was not on board with this story at first. I thought troubling, troubling stuff. Now I'm fucking on board. Now I'm on board.

• 5:54Travis McElroy?

  You know what Travis had that you didn't? It's called faith. It's called faith. Travis had it and you didn't.

• 5:59Griffin McElroy?

  You're right.

• 6:00Travis McElroy?

  Well, my walk with Christ doesn't apply here.

• 6:02Speaker 06

  The complaint says eight teachers were absent that day and only seven of those absences were filled.

• 6:07Travis McElroy?

  Eight teachers, eight teachers were absent. Only seven were filled. There was an opening. I would argue they were one short, right? They needed the help.

• 6:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:20Speaker 06

  Saying Jones, quote, "Got lucky because there happened to be an unfilled position." Investigators found Jones used to be a student at Rufus King and had scouted out the school before.

• 6:30Travis McElroy?

  What? Yeah, it's her school and she's coming back to razz the students.

• 6:37Griffin McElroy?

  So when she rolls up in the teacher's lounge.

• 6:39Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 6:40Griffin McElroy?

  You don't think people would be like, oh, damn, it's, you're a teacher?

• 6:43Travis McElroy?

  Good news, everyone, I turned it around. Some, some important document fell through the cracks here because someone must have known there were eight absent teachers and only seven substitutes came in. And then this class didn't get a substitute. So someone must have been like, should we send someone? Well, they sent one and then that teacher was like, there seems to be another teacher here.

• 7:11Griffin McElroy?

  There's been a terrible mistake.

• 7:12Travis McElroy?

  They're asking for marijuana. They're asking if anyone has a vape pen because the class is so annoying.

• 7:17Griffin McElroy?

  This teacher's too cool. The kids are gonna like them way more than me.

• 7:20Travis McElroy?

  Way more. I can't compete with this.

• 7:22Speaker 06

  As she lives just across the street from the school. According to the complaint, Jones was at the school the Thursday before the incident, got through security by blending in with the students, and walked around the school.

• 7:33Griffin McElroy?

  Wait.

• 7:34Speaker 06

  When she did that, she heard other staff in the main office talking about the substitute teacher agency and told the secretary she was a substitute teacher.

• 7:41Travis McElroy?

  Great.

• 7:42Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 7:43Travis McElroy?

  Really good. Now this is like full, full catch me if you can, Griff. She is scouting her old high school to find out the substitute, uh, uh, company they use.

• 7:53Griffin McElroy?

  Well, the, the guy in Catch Me If You Can did it to try and impress his dad. And so far, all I can tell about this substitute teacher is that the opportunity of this crime was she lived across the street. And why not?

• 8:05Travis McElroy?

  And, and here's the thing, you see the archetype a lot of like person who peaked in high school and now, you know, they're like working a job or whatever and they're like, I don't feel as important as I used to. And it seems like this person went, you know what, we'll fix that. I used to be a bully in high school. I'm gonna be a bully in high school again.

• 8:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can extend the peak. You can make new peaks out of the old peak.

• 8:31Travis McElroy?

  Uh, they're, they did get into motivation.

• 8:33Speaker 06

  After students involved in the incident got out of class, they went to staff and told them about Jones. She was then escorted out of the building by police. The criminal complaint goes on to say when Jones talked with police after the incident, she said she did it because she was bored and that she hates kids and just wanted to F around.

• 8:51Travis McElroy?

  That seems like, can I say? That's why, that's why.

• 8:56Griffin McElroy?

  So she's bored, bored, hates kids, wanted to F around.

• 9:01Travis McElroy?

  The, the first two there seem like conflicting motivations to me. Yeah. Of like, I hate kids and I don't want to be around them, but I'm so bored.

• 9:11Griffin McElroy?

  So fucking bored. I'm so, so bored.

• 9:13Travis McElroy?

  It does feel like that the crime planning, like so much work went into the front end of the crime. It doesn't feel like she had a great follow-through for like.

• 9:25Griffin McElroy?

  She didn't have a getaway driver waiting outside.

• 9:28Travis McElroy?

  Well, it's like when she was doing the crime, she's like, I'm actually out of crime ideas. I didn't think past this point. It was like, become, become the teacher. That substitute left, I'm the teacher now, but it's like kind of boring. It's like, I'm not, I'm. Anybody got a vape? Yeah, who's got a vape or some marijuana? I'm bored with this. Do you guys actually want to learn now? Oh, okay. Like, I guess, what, what are you guys working on? Math?

• 9:52Griffin McElroy?

  No. Hey, you know who else doesn't like kids and was bored and wanted to fuck around and ended up changing a bunch of lives is Ned Schneble from School of Rock. Or I guess Ned Schneble was the actual teacher and Jack Black's character in School of Rock.

• 10:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, so it's, it's, yeah, Jack Black's character Dewey.

• 10:12Griffin McElroy?

  Dewey, yes.

• 10:13Travis McElroy?

  Dewey, something.

• 10:15Griffin McElroy?

  Dewey something.

• 10:16Travis McElroy?

  Dewey, Griffin, hey, just a quick note, you're, this actually is the exact plot of School of Rock. Not the exact plot, Travis. Basically the exact part. He, Jack Black is like, all right, kids, now time to divide you by race.

• 10:31Griffin McElroy?

  So that doesn't, that doesn't, yeah, no, that doesn't happen in School of Rock. He doesn't do that part.

• 10:36Travis McElroy?

  I know it's confusing because it stars Jack Black and is written by Mike White, but there is no, there's none of that in the actual movie. It's just the names of the people. He also isn't a music teacher. If I remember correctly, it's a. Regular classroom that he turns into a music class, right?

• 10:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, right. He tries to teach the kids history and shit through music and stuff. And can I just say another commonality here? You're saying you played hip hop music too loud? Or were you just trying to get through to them about, you know, the, God, think of any historical event? God, think of any historical event, quick.

• 11:11Travis McElroy?

  Battle of Hastings.

• 11:12Griffin McElroy?

  Battle of Hastings? With, with the, with the power of hip hop music, I think that that could, I couldn't think of a single historical event.

• 11:20Travis McElroy?

  Hey Griffin, Hamilton exists.

• 11:22Griffin McElroy?

  I know, but that's too easy.

• 11:24Travis McElroy?

  Trying to do a school of hip hop thing and it didn't land. So then, when none of the kids got on board, she twisted and she's like, actually I did this because I hate kids. I'm just fucking around. I didn't want to start a school of hip hop.

• 11:38Griffin McElroy?

  One dissenting opinion from one student in the class who went to the staff and was like, hey, so this teacher came in, she tried something. And I res- I resonated with it because I learned about the Magna Carta from rap music. And I was grooving and no one else was. And then it, it did get nasty after that, but I couldn't help but feel like my classmates share some of the blame here.

• 12:02Travis McElroy?

  I don't know if there's more here, let me see.

• 12:04Speaker 06

  The principal of Rufus King declined to comment on the incident.

• 12:07Travis McElroy?

  I'm not kidding.

• 12:10Travis McElroy?

  No, I don't think there's a win for me here, Jeff.

• 12:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, the comment just says, whoopsies.

• 12:17Speaker 06

  The district sent me the messages it sent to staff and families the day of the incident and today. And today's saying, we will continue to take all appropriate action to ensure that Rufus King International High School remains a safe and welcoming place for our students and staff.

• 12:32Travis McElroy?

  This isn't, hey, hey, whoa, Rufus King International High School, this isn't a thing that revealed a surprising security flaw.

• 12:42Griffin McElroy?

  Found the one.

• 12:46Travis McElroy?

  Now we realize, we weren't even aware before that we needed to pay attention to who we let in the building. Yeah, this is not the one, the one like moldy O-ring that brought the whole ship down. This is not that. This is a, this is a rough situation you got.

• 13:04Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sure they have a sign in the main office they point to whenever there is an issue like this or really anything. And the sign just says, our entire school budget is $200 this year. Thank you, thank you, the state.

• 13:17Griffin McElroy?

  As sort of an explainer for this.

• 13:18Travis McElroy?

  It would be amazing, it just says, um, it would be amazing if our teachers didn't have to take furlough days to cover gaps in it. And then under that, it does say, not my circus, not my monkeys. And they point to that. When it's like, if, if A doesn't apply, C B. Uh, I work at a game show experience, basically all the game show fun, but without the pressure of a live audience or broadcast.

• 13:44Griffin McElroy?

  So sorry, Juice, this is the first time you've ever not said this is an advice show. You just got right into the advice. And if it is someone's first question, that, or first episode.

• 13:52Travis McElroy?

  Dude, that's such a good point. And at any point, people could get on board with this dang thing. Yeah, I usually wait till 835 episodes just to let it simmer for a while. Yeah, let it thicken.

• 14:06Travis McElroy?

  Into a nice room. Hey Trav, I know you're joking, but I hope to good Christ above that some people do this.

• 14:16Travis McElroy?

  I hope you're having a larve, but as the man recording 835, I do hope, you know, we're not just waiting for them to die off for fuck's sake. No, we're letting them have offspring. That's how we'll grow.

• 14:29Griffin McElroy?

  This is why shows have season two. Podcasts were so fucking sure of themselves. Like laughing up their sleeves at all of TV until we hit like episode 500, like, whoa, this feels bad. Yeah, I know.

• 14:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 14:44Griffin McElroy?

  There's a reason they fucking start over every year, dude. Oh gosh, okay.

• 14:50Travis McElroy?

  Is it too late to do American comedy story?

• 14:54Griffin McElroy?

  Oh dude, I would absolutely love nothing more. I would absolutely love nothing more.

• 15:01Travis McElroy?

  I work at a, I work at a game show experience, basically all the game show fun, but without the pressure of a live audience or broadcast. However, my problem lies outside of work. When I'm asked what I do, my answer up to this point has always been, I'm a game show host.

• 15:20Travis McElroy?

  Game show host. It's tough. I feel like, um, uh, an enormous tool when I say it. And it's usually followed up with something effective, but I'm not on TV or anything. Yeah. My question is, what would be a good way to illustrate what I do for work without feeling so self-conscious about it? That's from imposter syndrome Regis in Richmond. It's funny from the way you phrase this question, I really had no idea that this is an issue for you.

• 15:46Travis McElroy?

  I, as people who have the jobs that we have, can I just say like, I understand having.

• 15:52Griffin McElroy?

  I hear you.

• 15:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, having to tell someone your job title and then feel the need to expound upon that. I get that.

• 16:00Griffin McElroy?

  What's my job? Podcast host? One of the four big ones? Nope.

• 16:03Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 16:04Griffin McElroy?

  Not one of the four big ones.

• 16:05Travis McElroy?

  Oh, me? What do I do? I'm a comedian, but not the jokes kind.

• 16:09Griffin McElroy?

  Not the jokes kind, please don't ask me to tell or do a joke or come up with a joke or say something funny right now.

• 16:14Travis McElroy?

  I think as an adult who meets other adults and talks to other adults about jobs and such. This seems to me like a thing that if someone told me they did this as a job, I'm a game show host, do it now. Like you think I do a game. I would have, I would be so interested, right? Like this is not, this is, this is interesting. This is not a thing you need to feel bad expounding on.

• 16:41Griffin McElroy?

  You're a curious person, Travis. You're one of the, you're one of the Ted Lasso good guys. Because you want to know question, you want to know that shit. That's not always a hundred percent of the time true. If I could have a room full of Travis's that are strangers.

• 16:55Travis McElroy?

  It'd be so loud.

• 16:56Griffin McElroy?

  Fucked up, that would be so crazy. That room would be crazy, dude.

• 17:02Griffin McElroy?

  But they would ask me questions about my job and that would make me feel safe and warm. That's not a guarantee.

• 17:06Travis McElroy?

  Well, thank you. That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Griffin.

• 17:10Griffin McElroy?

  No, it's a Travis, it's a question of scale. If there were 30 of you, that's awesome. That's like so fun. That's like a fun, chaotic kinda, it's a question of scale.

• 17:20Travis McElroy?

  But one of me doesn't make you feel safe and warm.

• 17:23Griffin McElroy?

  It's a question of scale, Travis. I like you so much that I wish there were 30 of you.

• 17:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:29Griffin McElroy?

  Because at that scale, it would be, I don't know, but it would be preferable.

• 17:33Travis McElroy?

  What about one Travis 30 times the size?

• 17:36Griffin McElroy?

  Would you rather fight 30 Travis's or one 30 times Travis?

• 17:40Travis McElroy?

  What about facilitator?

• 17:43Griffin McElroy?

  Facilitator or something. Yeah, facilitator is definitely close.

• 17:48Travis McElroy?

  Facilitator. You're facilitating fun.

• 17:52Griffin McElroy?

  What we need is.

• 17:53Travis McElroy?

  A game show host though, and I don't want to quibble. You know what I mean? But it is, if I, if someone said, were you ever on a game show? And I said, yes. And then they said, which one? And I said, the monopoly themed escape game. I think they would probably question why they haven't been on a game show, you know what I mean? So like, I don't know if game show host, you're setting yourself up for a letdown. I don't say, I don't say like, you know, I don't actually. Yeah, he doesn't say it because he didn't say it. I think the problem there is show, because if there's no audience.

• 18:29Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 18:30Travis McElroy?

  Game experience host, experience, experience concierge.

• 18:36Griffin McElroy?

  Now, if there's an opportunity.

• 18:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:39Griffin McElroy?

  Experience concierge does sound sexual. I need a very specific qualifier on the type of experience that I'm having.

• 18:45Travis McElroy?

  Adult.

• 18:45Griffin McElroy?

  Fun, fun experience.

• 18:47Travis McElroy?

  For adults.

• 18:48Griffin McElroy?

  Concierge for adult.

• 18:50Travis McElroy?

  Concierge is actually pretty bad.

• 18:55Travis McElroy?

  I don't think concierge is really, it's like, I've, facilitator is something we're all kind of, everybody kind of perked up when they heard, it was like, you felt it in the room. And I feel like, what was it again? I don't want to say it again.

• 19:06Griffin McElroy?

  I said, concierge. I thought that's what you said. I misremembered and it was a bad, I guess it was a bad thought.

• 19:12Travis McElroy?

  Facilitator.

• 19:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, facilitator is, is better. Um, this is maybe not germane to the question. I'm, I got an escape room stuck in my head now, thinking that that is the nature of the game show that you're hosting. And I actually think I would love, and it would have to be completely above board, everyone involved would have to know that it's going on. But an opportunity to be an audience member for, uh, an escape room for strangers and just kind of watch the dynamic unfold. I don't want a gross squid game voyeur sort of ma- you know, masks and shit like none of, none of that. They would know that they're being, that they are being watched and judged, but I would love to be a fly on the wall.

• 19:51Travis McElroy?

  I thought you were going to say something like, imagine like you're on Price is Right and realize Price is Right is an escape room.

• 20:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:00Travis McElroy?

  And you're having to escape through Price is Right.

• 20:03Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 20:04Travis McElroy?

  And like you're skiing, you're doing the little matter, matterhorn thing. You're spinning the wheel to look for the code. To unlock the door.

• 20:12Griffin McElroy?

  But I'm behind the CCTV, like, they'll never fucking get it. There's something going on between Michael and Kenneth. And it's gonna fucking come out. There's no way they're gonna solve that padlock without me finding out what the fuck's up with Michael and Kenneth.

• 20:27Travis McElroy?

  Oh, so you're doing like, uh, Ed Harris in Truman Show. Where you're watching from the moon.

• 20:34Griffin McElroy?

  That's not flattering, is it? It's not a, he's not a good guy in that movie.

• 20:38Travis McElroy?

  He's not a bad guy, though.

• 20:41Griffin McElroy?

  He's not a bad guy?

• 20:42Travis McElroy?

  No, no, he's clearly the antagonist, but I don't think he has evil intent. I believe that he thinks what he's doing is beautiful art. I told my kids about the Truman Show and they, for kids who have never watched it, reference it constantly. I'm worried it's gonna isolate them from other kids when they start bringing up Truman Show.

• 21:02Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta show them Ed, you gotta show them Ed TV, dude. You gotta be part of the fucking counterculture. Those two movies came out around the same time. People only talk about fucking Truman Show. No one wants to talk about Ed TV, except for me.

• 21:13Travis McElroy?

  That's true. Griffin does want to talk about. It's so weird that Ed Harris was in Truman Show.

• 21:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, and Matt McConaughey was in Ed TV. It's fucked.

• 21:21Travis McElroy?

  Co-star in Truman Capote.

• 21:23Griffin McElroy?

  It's, yeah.

• 21:27Travis McElroy?

  Truman Capote is in the moon watching Matthew McConaughey.

• 21:31Griffin McElroy?

  Is that where Matt and Woody met? Is that where Matt and Woody met? When did Matt and Woody? They were probably in a flick before Ed TV, right? That can't be the, that can't be the vehicle that launched there.

• 21:40Travis McElroy?

  I feel like this conversation is, they're brothers is what everybody decided and it's a whole thing. That's only because we made it look so cool. Yeah, everybody wants to be brothers now.

• 21:53Griffin McElroy?

  That's stolen valor, I think. If you ask, if you ask me, we had to earn this shit.

• 21:57Travis McElroy?

  Hey, boys, it's 2026 and video games have come a long way, as I'm sure you guys know. But I've noticed lately, arcades haven't really evolved to keep up with like the PS12s and the XYZ box and stuff. And so.

• 22:16Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 22:17Travis McElroy?

  I would like to brainstorm, I'd like to pitch you guys some, um, new arcade innovation games.

• 22:24Griffin McElroy?

  Your notes app, Travis, should, when you open it, make a noise like a siren?

• 22:30Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:30Griffin McElroy?

  That goes off to alert other people in the vicinity that the notes apps, the notes apps coming open and the idea. Notes apps open, idea's gonna be flowing.

• 22:42Travis McElroy?

  Okay, this is, this is Trav Chaff Arcade Edition.

• 22:46Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, cool. As long as there's a, an official framing for this thought, then I'm okay.

• 22:51Travis McElroy?

  The first game, uh, is I call it Dance Dance Status Quo.

• 22:56Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 22:57Travis McElroy?

  And in this, um, it, it replicates the experience of being at a party where everyone's dancing. And you don't want to stand out as being the only person not dancing, but you also don't feel comfortable dancing so much that anyone looks at you. So you have to dance a little bit.

• 23:14Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 23:14Travis McElroy?

  But if you move too much, a bright light shines on you.

• 23:18Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. The bright light shines on you and the machine yells your name.

• 23:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Hey, Daniel's dancing over here. Get a load of Daniel, fucking dork. So you have to keep your movements little, but do hit the marks. Do you still have to mask, like, ma- match the movements of, of some sort of silhouette? That's too much. What you're doing, Justin, that's too much. This arms up is crazy business, dude.

• 23:40Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, that was demonstration for demonstration purposes. There should have been like a no sign over me like, don't do this. Don't do that much. Will there be a silhouette to follow? Are there arrows? What am I doing? Yeah, it's more like there's like a narrow, you're standing in a narrow sensor that if you wiggle too much.

• 23:56Griffin McElroy?

  Too much outside the bounds of this. That's good. There could just be the.

• 23:59Travis McElroy?

  Travis is so thrown by someone asking for more information about one of his ideas, he froze up for a second. Yeah, I saw that. Uh, hold on, no one ever comes in here, let me straighten up these papers, ma'am. Well, no, I haven't told you, actually.

• 24:12Griffin McElroy?

  Can there just be two, can there just be two foot pads on the ground?

• 24:15Travis McElroy?

  So Trav, Trav, slow down, bud. Okay.

• 24:17Griffin McElroy?

  No, I want to dial in. Instead of that, you know how there's the bar behind that people lean on so they can move their feet faster? This could just be like a whole wall. It's just the machine is, yeah, it's a corner of the arcade has this little two pads. You stand there and you wiggle.

• 24:31Travis McElroy?

  What if the bottom, like, the bottom of it is covered?

• 24:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:35Travis McElroy?

  People can see, anywhere in the arcade can see you there. So though you can't let people know you're playing it. So if people around the arcade think your torso is moving too much, they are the ones who flip like, hey, call this guy, get it.

• 24:49Griffin McElroy?

  And you know what's cool? Sequel opportunities. If you take 14 regular Dance Dance Revolution machines and put them in front of Dance Dance Status Quo where it's in the corner, now all of a sudden it's a whole school dance simulator.

• 25:03Travis McElroy?

  Hell, yeah, dude.

• 25:04Griffin McElroy?

  You can watch and you can wish.

• 25:06Travis McElroy?

  Um, my next one, I call it a claw machine. And it's a claw machine, but it also gets visibly frustrated and down on itself when it drops the thing that you're picking up, increasingly so. So it's also mad that it wasn't able to hold on to the prize that you picked up. And there's like a display screen with text that keeps saying things like, please give me one more chance.

• 25:33Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, I was wondering how it's going to communicate that. I was imagining a sort of flaccidity to the claw itself after it's the third consecutive failure.

• 25:40Travis McElroy?

  Well, it kind of shakes with like anger and stuff. Ah, goddammit! And then goes kind of flaccid, but like.

• 25:47Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 25:47Travis McElroy?

  Can you do something to increase the tension or is this really just a race to the bottom? Will it at some point say like, okay, claw, get it together?

• 25:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:56Travis McElroy?

  You gotta squeeze harder. No, if it drops it five times, a message comes up that says, man, maybe my dad was right.

• 26:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:04Travis McElroy?

  What? And then it's just a.

• 26:05Griffin McElroy?

  And then it doesn't work. It spits your quarters out.

• 26:07Travis McElroy?

  Storage unit. Yeah, and then the claw machine goes back to school.

• 26:11Griffin McElroy?

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:11Travis McElroy?

  And gives up its dream of being a claw machine.

• 26:14Griffin McElroy?

  It refunds your Chuck E. Cheese tokens and is like, I don't deserve these.

• 26:19Travis McElroy?

  And it just unlocks the cabinet and you can reach in and grab your own prize.

• 26:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, get what you want. This shit sucks anyway.

• 26:26Travis McElroy?

  Um, my next one is a photo booth, but it also does passport photos.

• 26:31Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, Trav, this is the only good one, and I'll tell you why, is because these machines, not games, and also cost like $15.

• 26:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:40Griffin McElroy?

  I, I'm not gonna, I could go to Sears, I could get a boudoir set taken of myself i- if I wanted to, in my own home for the price of one of these machines that made me look like I'm hanging out with Spider-Man.

• 26:53Travis McElroy?

  Kids, kids see one of these photo booths, they legally have to do it. It costs $18 and you have never seen anyone lose interest in a physical object.

• 27:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:03Travis McElroy?

  The speed at which they, the photos come out, they touch their finger and then the wind blows it away. Like it's, it's instantly, couldn't, couldn't lose interest faster. It also has a built-in printer scanner copier that you can use.

• 27:17Griffin McElroy?

  That dude, this is a good one. This is, this one's a good one, dude.

• 27:21Travis McElroy?

  I, you say that, but like, show me a good printer, you know?

• 27:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:26Travis McElroy?

  Any good printer. Runs out of toner, you gotta get a guy to come out?

• 27:29Griffin McElroy?

  Welcome to, welcome to tech TV. We're gonna hear fucking razzing all the big dogs.

• 27:33Travis McElroy?

  I got two more here, a hugometer. And you know like those machines where you punch a punching bag and it gauges how hard you punch, right? It's sort of like that, but it's not about how hard you can hug. It's, um, it measures, did you hold the hug for the appropriate amount of time, but it doesn't show you the gauge? And it calculates which part of your body you're pressing against the sensor while you're hugging to make sure it wasn't weird.

• 28:00Griffin McElroy?

  Why?

• 28:01Travis McElroy?

  So. To see if you can do, then it, when you get it, it just says, normal hug. Zoom out, why?

• 28:07Griffin McElroy?

  That was how, that was how. We want why.

• 28:09Travis McElroy?

  Why? Why? Why?

• 28:12Griffin McElroy?

  Why?

• 28:13Travis McElroy?

  Well, because some people are lovers and not fighters. I don't want to punch a punching bag to see how strong I am, but I'd like to see if I give normal hugs.

• 28:20Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, first of all, I think that's bullshit. I think of the three of us, you're the only one who would ever actually do that.

• 28:26Travis McElroy?

  I've already beat, okay, you want the answer? I've maxed out on the punching bag.

• 28:31Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 28:31Travis McElroy?

  They won't let me do it anymore.

• 28:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you don't have a traditionally sort of adept fighting style, but your fists are so fucking big.

• 28:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 28:39Griffin McElroy?

  When you toss them around, there's a lot of, there's a lot of momentum that they generate.

• 28:43Travis McElroy?

  And I'm not worried about hurting myself if it means a higher score.

• 28:47Griffin McElroy?

  I won't speak for Justin, I'll speak for myself. When I see one of those machines, I always have the thought of, I'm better off not knowing.

• 28:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I can't be revealed.

• 28:55Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know what three-digit number I will produce, but there is a threshold under which I will feel bad about myself. And as long as I don't swing at it, I don't have to have that information inside of my body. I don't have to carry that trauma.

• 29:10Travis McElroy?

  I don't need that. I don't need that much context on myself. Thank you.

• 29:12Griffin McElroy?

  Second, I need the machine to give me context for the person I'm hugging. That's so important. There is not a one size fits all situation. I need it to generate before the hug, like, this is a, this is like a, um, a Taco Bell employee who just brought your food to the table. That's not going to be a very long hug at all.

• 29:30Travis McElroy?

  Maybe there's multiple levels where level one is like a family member that you love very much and like, they're happy with any hug. And then you get increasingly, uh, less, less knowing them.

• 29:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:43Travis McElroy?

  Until it's like, somebody stepped in and you couldn't tell if it was a hug or handshake. And you went for the hug.

• 29:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:52Travis McElroy?

  This is like the toughest level, final boss.

• 29:54Griffin McElroy?

  Final level is like, your therapist of three years is moving away and this is your last session together.

• 30:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:01Griffin McElroy?

  Good fucking luck, dude. Feels like a hug, doesn't it? Cause of the emotions, but also definitely not, right?

• 30:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:09Griffin McElroy?

  That's a toughie. That's a toughie.

• 30:10Travis McElroy?

  Do you save the, do you save the, uh, cheek kiss for the sequel?

• 30:15Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:16Travis McElroy?

  Cause that's happened to me once in my life where someone just like, did this fancy thing that people do.

• 30:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. What was the context of that? Can you tell us everything about it?

• 30:26Travis McElroy?

  I'd rather not get into it. It was very chilling. I actually have two more, I forgot. Uh, the next one is one of those basketball machines, but if you miss enough shots, a little robotic coach comes out and lowers the hoop and tells you you can take a step forward. And then if you miss more shots, the robotic, robotic coach hands you a clipboard and tells you you have the very important job of keeping track of everyone else's scores.

• 30:51Griffin McElroy?

  So this is a very specific experience you're trying to simulate. It feels like.

• 30:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:56Griffin McElroy?

  And, and, uh, I will say tech wise. It's difficult. You gotta think a lot about like maintenance Trav and how many of these clipboards are we handing out to folks?

• 31:10Travis McElroy?

  Is it a, can you pay for a branded one? Or are they all branded and then you can pay for them to not be branded?

• 31:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:17Travis McElroy?

  Like partnership? Like I went to Travis's boring arcade and the only thing I got was this clipboard. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think we could do that. The final one is a VR machine. That when you put it on, you're now in a VR arcade and can play arcade games. And in that VR arcade, there's a VR machine that you can put on and then you're in a VR arcade. And there's a VR machine and you can put it on and now you're riding a roller coaster with minions.

• 31:48Griffin McElroy?

  That's all now. Yeah, baby. You got me. It's just the same.

• 31:52Travis McElroy?

  I was about to bail, but I was short sighted. Once you brought in the minions, I was like, okay. And then the minions put a VR machine on you. And now you're back in your own life, but it's 5% better.

• 32:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Okay. So can I suggest a change for this?

• 32:10Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 32:11Griffin McElroy?

  The headset is hanging on one of those cables and you know, there's the attract screen. You see the minions and everything. But when you walk up and you touch the headset, it shuts down, it powers off and the screen changes and immediately says, don't do this. Why would you put this on your face? Other people have put this on their face and it's going to be wet. This game is free and it's kind of a public service, honestly, that's being provided by the city.

• 32:36Travis McElroy?

  It could also point out for the amount of credits that you will use for this two minute VR experience. Here's a list of other games you could play multiple times.

• 32:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:47Travis McElroy?

  That we think you'd like more.

• 32:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:51Travis McElroy?

  Like a diversion? Yeah.

• 32:53Griffin McElroy?

  You guys seen that arcade? We got arcade nearby. We go to sometimes it has a connect for basketball. You all know about this one? And it's like, it's like connect four, except it's huge and you shoot baskets into the different racks to try and get four and connect them. Um, and I think it's bullshit. Cause how the, how the hell am I supposed to control where the basketball goes? I think we should just have regular connect four and let me drop my tokens where they, wherever they fall.

• 33:18Travis McElroy?

  But you still want it to be huge. That's what Griffin, he wants.

• 33:21Griffin McElroy?

  I want big connect four. Just don't make me shoot basketballs. Cause how the fuck am I going to control? I'll shoot for that one. Boink. Nope. It bounced all the way to the other side. I guess that's where my, I guess that's where my strategy is taking me now.

• 33:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:34Griffin McElroy?

  Bullshit.

• 33:35Travis McElroy?

  When I see like sports games in arcades that require actual, uh, like skill in that sport. It takes me out of it a little bit. Like that's not why I came to the arcade to be reminded that I suck at basketball. Yeah, you shouldn't have to do sports stuff. This is a, this is a nerd zone. No, skee ball is as much athletic prowess as I need. Thank you very much.

• 34:01Griffin McElroy?

  I'll tell you what I would do. If I owned an arcade, I would set up a machine that scanned people to make sure they're not Mark Rober. That fucking fool's always rolling up in arcades and being like hacked rigged. This is it. And I would say, I would have a camera and I would say, maybe the invention I'm suggesting is just a piece of paper behind the ticket redemption counter with a picture of Mark Rober on it. So it's keep an eye out for this dude. He's going to come and he's going to talk shit about our games and he's going to build a little Arduino. That's gonna, that's gonna get him all the tickets.

• 34:27Travis McElroy?

  You see this guy with an Arduino and a bunch of gears and stuff?

• 34:32Griffin McElroy?

  If you see a dude and he's got a big backpack and the backpack is humming and he has a wire connecting the backpack to the joystick. This is Mark Rober. He's full of shit and he's going to rob us blind and expose our tricks.

• 34:43Travis McElroy?

  He is gonna clean out your whole cush ball supply from the ticket counter. If you see this man dumping a bunch of chemicals into a trash can, he's making elephant toothpaste. You better run for your fucking life. Cause this guy's got several, several world records in elephant toothpaste. This is the most confident I've ever been. He goes to people's homes like with Mr. B. Mr. Beast routinely, this has happened 30, 40 times. Where Mr. Beast will bully Mark Rober into going to one of his subscribers homes and filling it with elephant toothpaste and blowing it the fuck to smithereens.

• 35:21Griffin McElroy?

  Now they love it. Mark, they love it. I don't, I don't think they do.

• 35:25Travis McElroy?

  Jimmy, no. You know that Mr. Beast video? I'm building a hundred houses for people whose homes I already destroyed. Mark Rober.

• 35:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:35Travis McElroy?

  Today I'm gonna be rebuilding a hundred houses to specifications before I destroyed it with Mark Rober on it. But here's what they don't know. I filled all the stud walls with elephant toothpaste. What you did?

• 35:46Griffin McElroy?

  No, Mark, you said it was regular insulation.

• 35:49Travis McElroy?

  You swore we were done. You truly are the beast. There's no Mr.? If I were gonna do Ocean's Eleven, I would bring Mark Rober on hardcore. Like that would be, he would be my first. Oh, he's number one. Call.

• 36:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 36:05Travis McElroy?

  Hey.

• 36:05Griffin McElroy?

  And he'd show up to the first meeting and be like, we've had a year and a half to prepare. What have you got, Mark? And he's like, these games are rigged. And it's like, yeah, Mark, we knew that part. What are we going to do about it, man? We're getting, we're supposed to steal all their emeralds or something.

• 36:21Travis McElroy?

  What if we tried elephant toothpaste?

• 36:22Griffin McElroy?

  What if we?

• 36:23Travis McElroy?

  You suggest that every time, Mark. It hasn't worked yet, but let's try it again.

• 36:28Griffin McElroy?

  All right. What are we gonna need? All right. We'll need a drifter, a forger, obviously. Gotta have an acro man. Gonna need a face. Gonna need an elephant toothpaste guy. Cause how the fuck are we supposed to get into the vault if we don't blow it up with elephant toothpaste first?

• 36:43Travis McElroy?

  There's a rip, man. Having to build your Ocean's Eleven out of YouTubers would be a hell of a, would be a hell of a. A dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, I got the Joseph's machines guys. He does all the Rube Goldberg shit. It's twisted what he's doing with keys. Side surf studios can make cakes that look like real things. I don't know how that's going to play in, but we're going to use it. Wait, this isn't a sack of a hundred million dollars? It's cake. Where's the real money? Elephant toothpaste. I can't breathe.

• 37:13Griffin McElroy?

  God damn it. He gets one of those fucking fart boxes Mark Rober makes. Mark Rober, this is, he already took all the emeralds. He replaced it with a screaming fart box, Mark. God dang it. Hey, how come our theft team has like 19 parkour guys on it? I told you, we only need one parkour guy.

• 37:32Travis McElroy?

  But they're all slat, they're all something and parkour, man. I can't help that.

• 37:38Griffin McElroy?

  This guy's does parkour and he's got a strong Christian message and I don't know how that's going to come into play in the heist.

• 37:45Travis McElroy?

  My kids watch Denislava. She turns herself into like she's made of diamonds. Does that help?

• 37:50Griffin McElroy?

  Does that do anything?

• 37:52Travis McElroy?

  Take that laser grid. She covers her face with eyeballs sometimes. Is that something that? Maybe all, one of them can get through us, an iris scanner. I don't know. Uh, hey, can we take a brief break? And do?

• 38:06Griffin McElroy?

  That was so sincere.

• 38:08Travis McElroy?

  Or two.

• 38:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:09Travis McElroy?

  Some ads. Just some brief ads. Is that, is that any problem?

• 38:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, let's go.

• 38:14Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let's go to the money zone.

• 38:24Travis McElroy?

  Hey everybody, you know, we've talked about Squarespace for years now and we've told you what it is. So what we're going to tell you now is what it isn't. What isn't it? Confusing. What isn't it? Overpriced. What isn't it? A candy bar. What isn't it? A pile of bricks. What isn't it? Um, it's.

• 38:45Griffin McElroy?

  That's it. No, you've done it. You've done the only four things it isn't. Cause that is how comprehensive their services are.

• 38:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. You can use Squarespace to build a website that basically can do anything other than.

• 38:57Griffin McElroy?

  Be a pile of bricks.

• 38:58Travis McElroy?

  Candy, bad. Any other thing you want to do with it, they, they can't. Why? Because they got designers who really know how to build websites. And they make templates, which are basically like skeletons. You take them.

• 39:10Griffin McElroy?

  Woo, happy Halloween.

• 39:12Travis McElroy?

  You take the flesh and blood of your ideas and make a Frankenstein out of the, well, this would have been better, Trav.

• 39:17Griffin McElroy?

  Oh yeah, but yeah, man, forget my thing. What is it?

• 39:20Travis McElroy?

  It's Frankenstein. It's Frankenstein.

• 39:23Griffin McElroy?

  Does the spirit of a cool idea haunt your dreams, your wet dreams every night?

• 39:28Travis McElroy?

  Is it a ghost? Is it Frankenstein or is it a skeleton?

• 39:31Griffin McElroy?

  It's, it can be all, it can be all kinds of different.

• 39:33Travis McElroy?

  So look to your graveyard of dead ideas and resurrect them like zombies with Squarespace.

• 39:40Griffin McElroy?

  Don't try to like hijack the cool, like Halloween idea now.

• 39:43Travis McElroy?

  I'm trying to contribute. He, do you have, you've done so much Travis. No. Heads to Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Let me try it with Rocket Money now. Okay. Okay. Space.

• 40:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:07Travis McElroy?

  Space is big and there's a lot of gaps between the stars that could be filled with your money.

• 40:14Griffin McElroy?

  Damn.

• 40:15Travis McElroy?

  You're going to need a lot of money to get to space. Cause you, the stars shoot for the moon. And even if you miss, you'll still have money in your wallet. Thanks to Rocket Money.

• 40:27Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think that this is.

• 40:28Travis McElroy?

  Cause Rocket Money helps you.

• 40:32Travis McElroy?

  So listen, guys, our budget lets us sponsor exactly 10 podcasts. I think we should keep my bim bam on the list. Um, I know that these boys just won an award for their ads. And when they talk about our product, they won't do it like they're really struggling, like they're trying to take a huge shit and not ironically. Ironically, if Rocket Money did go over Rocket Money's finances, one of the expenditures that they've been doing for a while, they may want to revisit, maybe even help them to negotiate a lower fee.

• 41:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, this is crazy. You know, never, I don't know that we've had this realization. Everyone use Rocket Money, except Rocket Money, because then we won't talk about Rocket Money no more.

• 41:13Travis McElroy?

  Uh, it really, uh, we've, we have all actually used it to, uh, check our spending to see, you know, where we might be able to save some money and they can find subscriptions you forgot about, all that great stuff. So it's, it's a really useful tool, great place to get start with your money. If, if you get anxious because you've been ignoring it for too long, this is a really good way to like, start to chip away at it, start to return your attention to it. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills. So you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join rocketmoney.com slash my brother. That's rocketmoney.com slash my brother. Rocketmoney.com slash my brother.

• 41:56Travis McElroy?

  I've got it this time, guys. Guys, I've got it this time.

• 42:00Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, man, can you not yell? I think the yelling is what the advertisers.

• 42:05Travis McElroy?

  It's me, Travis. We've all got things. People got things. You need things. Some of your things are old and now you need new things. But where do you even get things? Where do things come from? Things come from Wayfair, your home for the things you need in your home.

• 42:24Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Just a little more. Okay, great. It says here, it says here in the copy specifically, don't say the word furniture. Um, and so we'll have to edit out where I just did.

• 42:33Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Wayfair products are hand vetted by product specialists using a 10-point quality inspection. And that's more points than we use.

• 42:42Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, Trav, you're popping a lot of peas here.

• 42:44Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let me take peas out of it. Shaw thousands of products across every style and budget, whether you're simply releasing an alliance or transforming your home from top to bottom for the holiday season.

• 43:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Is that better?

• 43:02Travis McElroy?

  It was, it was, the pluses were better. The pluses were better. I have that YouTube membership thing is going. I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't know. It feels, it's starting to feel intentional, like we're daring people to stay with us.

• 43:21Travis McElroy?

  This is my best. That's the truth. That is the truth. Sad truth.

• 43:27Griffin McElroy?

  Wayfair is the service you go to when you need a furniture piece that looks good and fits a set of dimensions that are so fucking specific. If you tried to go into a shop somewhere and demand a piece of furniture to these exact specifications, you would seem like a madman. Uh, but Wayfair can actually do that shit for you.

• 43:45Travis McElroy?

  And the reviews I actually have found really helpful on Wayfair. I, I felt like a lot of reviews you read, they feel all, you know, made by artificial intelligence or spam, but these are, the reviews on Wayfair are really like, hey, this was easy to put together. I have fun doing this. This is a nice piece. This lasted whatever. Uh, I got, I got a, a, a dresser for one of the girl's rooms from Wayfair, uh, because we've been moving, you know, from the baby furniture up and, uh, it was, I liked it so much, we bought another one of that same kind. This Wayfair, uh, has great stuff. So check it out. Find pieces made for real life and get even more value with Wayfair Rewards. Join

• 44:25Travis McElroy?

  Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 44:39Speaker 00

  Hi, I'm Andrew Reich and I host Ed Pilot Society and I am here with Max Fun Member of the Month Jacob Eads. Thank you so much for being a listener of our show and congratulations on being this month's Member of the Month.

• 44:52Speaker 05

  Pleasure to meet you.

• 44:53Speaker 00

  What made you take the leap to become an actual member of Maximum Fun?

• 44:58Speaker 05

  I'm spending all this time listening and enjoying them for content because it's not like just supporting one podcast either. It's supporting a whole network of people. So I feel like the dollar really goes a long way.

• 45:12Speaker 00

  Can't tell you how much we appreciate it. And as our Member of the Month, you will be getting a $25 gift card to the Maximum Fun store, a special Member of the Month bumper sticker. You can take that car with that bumper sticker and drive it to the parking spot at Max Fun headquarters in Los Angeles, which will be there just for you.

• 45:33Speaker 05

  I might have to get one of my friends to bring like a cardboard cutout of me who lives in Los Angeles and just to show that I was there.

• 45:41Travis McElroy?

  Support the shows you love, including this one. Check the show notes for a link or go to maximumfun.org/join.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  Hey, Max Fun listeners, it's me, Jackie Kation. I have a podcast with Lori Kilmartin. Say hi, Lori.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  Hi, Jacqueline. Hi, Max Fun listeners. But I'm very formal.

• 45:59Speaker 04

  We have a podcast and it's about standup comedy and how much we love it and how much we dislike some of it. So listen to that podcast. It's called The Jackie and Lori Show.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  We drop new episodes every Wednesday that gives us plenty of time to decompress from our comedy weekends and discuss things with sane, level heads. No, it doesn't. If you are a woman our age or a man our age, or you know what, any person of any age, I think you'll enjoy our podcast. Jackie and Lori Show on maximumfun.org. Bye.

• 46:34Travis McElroy?

  A few weeks ago, a coworker came up to me at the office and told me they're planning for a movie themed Halloween party and want to go as the driver from Drive. They asked me if I have any driving gloves because I quote, seem like the type.

• 46:48Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm.

• 46:51Travis McElroy?

  I said, no. Not only do I have a pair of driving gloves, I have three pairs in different colors. Okay. Wow. Wow. Wow. Way to miss your chance at human connection.

• 47:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, really.

• 47:04Travis McElroy?

  Really, right? It's like this person saw you for who you were, including a set of very overpriced, exact replica gloves to what Ryan Gosling wore in the movie. My colleague has been complaining in the office. On layers, on layers, on layers. Yeah, this is a really, you're taking us, uh, my colleague has been complaining in the office. They just can't find anyone who has driving gloves or any gloves that look quite right. Brothers, how do I? I gotta look at these gloves. Hold on. Brothers, how do I either help my work friend or find out what the type even means so that I can decide if I want to reveal just how correct they were? That's from vehicular vestments in the Falkland Islands. I'll tell you what the type is. It's you.

• 47:43Griffin McElroy?

  It's you and they clocked you and like, the tenor of the question is so wrong because the tenor of the question should be, I fucked up so bad when I reflexively said, no, I don't have driving gloves. Unless you want to have a moment of connection later where you're like, I'm not the type that has driving gloves. I'm the type that has three pair of driving gloves.

• 48:05Travis McElroy?

  Oh, you didn't say like multiple pairs of, I thought you were asking if I had one pair of driving gloves. Hey, guys, can I tell you a secret that won't surprise you at all? I thought about getting driving gloves real hard.

• 48:18Griffin McElroy?

  For driving.

• 48:19Travis McElroy?

  It surprises me because you didn't.

• 48:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:22Travis McElroy?

  That's the surprising twist is that there is a.

• 48:25Griffin McElroy?

  An impulse you didn't act on sort of immediately.

• 48:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Cause you've experienced the impulse and yet not acted on it. And I have diagnosed Raynaud's and when I'm driving, my hands are at 10 and two, exactly where the vents are blowing the cold air upon my fingers.

• 48:42Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, I hate that shit.

• 48:43Travis McElroy?

  And I'm thinking, what if I was wearing driving gloves as a preventative measure to keep my fingers from going numb? And I will say, it always makes maladies sound more impressive and real when you describe them as diagnosed. That helps me.

• 48:56Griffin McElroy?

  And there's a tone of voice you use to let me and Justin know, this is not for jokes. The way you said, the way you said Raynaud's, it let me and Justin know, this is a sacred space and it's not for jokes.

• 49:10Travis McElroy?

  I did that for your guys' safety and comfort. I don't want you to look back. Oh, Travis is joking. No, that was real. Never mind the fact that my, my physical maladies are basically the mango of this program. So often are they overused for comic effect. It's basically the church lady or Mr. Peepers of this, of this particular show.

• 49:32Griffin McElroy?

  And my shit, I'll never tell.

• 49:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, no one knows Griffin's maladies.

• 49:38Griffin McElroy?

  I'm so twisted up and fucked up inside. I'm, I'm a wasteland, baby.

• 49:43Travis McElroy?

  Why don't you want, this is, I'm, I'm, I'm not meaning to be critical because I think a lot, maybe other people would have done this. Why don't you want to look like who you are? You do want to look like who you are, right? That's who you are. And you look like that and see.

• 49:59Griffin McElroy?

  Ooh, this is a big unless, Travis. You sure you want to unless that?

• 50:03Travis McElroy?

  They say like, these are replica high-priced gloves.

• 50:07Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, the subtext is definitely, they do not want to get these gloves all smudged up.

• 50:12Travis McElroy?

  It might not be that they're hiding. I think that's their regular text. Yeah.

• 50:16Griffin McElroy?

  That's just the text. Yeah, sure.

• 50:17Travis McElroy?

  They're not hiding that they are driving gloves and explicitly the gloves from Drive.

• 50:23Griffin McElroy?

  From Drive.

• 50:24Travis McElroy?

  It said, they don't want to be the type that says, yes, I do own multiple pairs of driving gloves, including a replica pair from Drive. But no, I won't let you borrow them because I paid top dollar for these bad boys.

• 50:37Griffin McElroy?

  I just, I, I want to advocate for our audience always, but I'm thinking about the branch, the narrow read that this person climbed out on to say, you look like the type who has driving gloves. So certain in their heart and their fucking gut that they were right and they were right. And you, you poo-pooed them and that's ice fucking cold.

• 51:00Travis McElroy?

  They're probably still living in that miscalculation where they're like, I ran all the numbers.

• 51:06Griffin McElroy?

  They're writing on the walls.

• 51:07Travis McElroy?

  There's no way I was wrong.

• 51:09Griffin McElroy?

  They're writing on the walls of their apartment. He thought, yeah, I thought they had gloves. I thought they had gloves.

• 51:13Travis McElroy?

  We are all trying to spend a lot of time hiding the embarrassing things we do. We all can respect and relate to this. I think the impulse, you guys start wondering is like, and that may what we need to fight is, am I about to do a more embarrassing thing to cover up for the original thing? Yeah. Cause I do think lying about being a driving glove guy is so much of a harder rap to beat.

• 51:39Griffin McElroy?

  Than driving glove guy.

• 51:41Travis McElroy?

  The driving glove guy you are, you know, I, I don't want to. Yeah. It's tougher. This is why the agree, the four agreements urge us to be impeccable with our word. Cause it is so much harder to dig back out from this, but you do, I really, guys, I'm trying to think of a comedy version of it. I literally can see no daylight other than, listen, hi, in the moment, I panicked.

• 52:06Griffin McElroy?

  I freaked the fuck out.

• 52:07Travis McElroy?

  I freaked out and that's on me.

• 52:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:10Travis McElroy?

  And I'm gonna start, I'm just gonna start eating shit on it today.

• 52:14Griffin McElroy?

  What also?

• 52:17Travis McElroy?

  I, I figured the sooner I start eating shit on it, the better it'll be for me. But also I do not feel comfortable loaning you my expensive pair of replica drive gloves.

• 52:27Griffin McElroy?

  Then give them the non-exp, you have two other goddamn pairs of driving gloves.

• 52:32Travis McElroy?

  Guys, no one's gonna be like, that's not screen accurate. Now, just give them the, the regular driving gloves. I pictured a moment where they don't mea culpa, right? And then they are driving into work. They pull in the parking spot with their, the drive accurate driving gloves.

• 52:49Griffin McElroy?

  You don't wear, no, no, no, no. You don't wear those on the fucking commute, Travis. Those are in the fucking vault. Those are in the same.

• 52:55Travis McElroy?

  Then your everyday, your off-court buddies, you're wearing your off-court buddy driving gloves. You're gripping the wheel. You look up and there's your coworker.

• 53:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, they'll see it.

• 53:04Travis McElroy?

  Looking at you.

• 53:06Griffin McElroy?

  Looking at your hands.

• 53:06Travis McElroy?

  Now just in that moment together where they're looking at your knuckles, looking at your eyes.

• 53:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:13Travis McElroy?

  And shaking their head. Way worse than just owning up to it.

• 53:17Griffin McElroy?

  Can we try to get to the bottom of what it is about a person other than seeing them wearing driving gloves? That makes you think they own drive. That's my source for driving gloves.

• 53:29Travis McElroy?

  Actually the most important part of the question. The number one thing that I thought was race stuff. So if you have a jacket that has like race team, sometimes you see this. If you see people that have a silhouette of a gun, you know what I mean? It's like, you know, but kind of about them if the flag looks like it's melting over a gun silhouette. And there's like an eagle next to it, nodding like, yeah.

• 53:56Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not a gun guy, but that aesthetic is so fucking cool. I'm so jealous.

• 54:01Travis McElroy?

  You could pull it off too, dude. You could be the, you could be the funner. What I said earlier.

• 54:05Griffin McElroy?

  If there was a cooler thing for the, for the American flag to be melting over for an eagle to be like approximate to.

• 54:12Travis McElroy?

  Nice.

• 54:12Griffin McElroy?

  I would go for that, but not, I don't think I could use a firearm.

• 54:16Travis McElroy?

  If you have a keychain of the model, like the make and model of car you own, right?

• 54:24Griffin McElroy?

  You might be a driving glove guy.

• 54:26Travis McElroy?

  You might be a driving glove guy. Oh, that's good. Like it says like Camry eighty-seven with the original. Yeah. Yeah, right. Because it's like, this, it's so part of my personality, the key itself doesn't, isn't enough to say Audi.

• 54:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 54:41Travis McElroy?

  Right? I need to say the Audi is attached to it. The Audi.

• 54:46Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, you sounded like one of those tubes that you turn and it's got the little, the.

• 54:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 54:52Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. That's cool.

• 54:54Travis McElroy?

  I like to make, I try to make it a trip thong. You know what I mean? Yeah.

• 54:58Griffin McElroy?

  When you, when you come into work, are you wearing like a leather jacket and an ascot and your hair is like wind swept?

• 55:03Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:04Griffin McElroy?

  And you drive a Porsche? That would let me know.

• 55:06Travis McElroy?

  You got goggles on?

• 55:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you might be a driving glove guy. It's a little verbose.

• 55:11Travis McElroy?

  Do you maybe wear driving gloves to drive to work every day and then you take them off as you're coming in to the office, maybe?

• 55:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 55:21Travis McElroy?

  And maybe it's not that, maybe this person just kind of saw, has seen you many times.

• 55:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 55:26Travis McElroy?

  Wearing driving gloves and they're being generous.

• 55:29Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe you live in sunny California and you got the drop top down and you're cruising with the gloves on. You do slip them off before you groove into the parking lot, but then you walk in, what's that? Let me see your hands. You got a driver's tan right there.

• 55:41Travis McElroy?

  You got driver, driving gloves. Yeah.

• 55:44Griffin McElroy?

  I can't help but notice.

• 55:45Travis McElroy?

  Do you wear jodhpurs a lot?

• 55:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Do you wear jodhpurs a lot?

• 55:50Travis McElroy?

  I think if I saw someone wearing jodhpurs and like high, like leather boots, maybe with, uh, oh, what are those things called where they go down over your boot? You know, the cover, the boot cover.

• 56:03Griffin McElroy?

  Welling?

• 56:03Travis McElroy?

  If I see someone wearing that, I'm like, they've got driving gloves.

• 56:06Griffin McElroy?

  Chappies?

• 56:07Travis McElroy?

  What about a tiny mustache? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tiny mustache and always describing planes as big, beautiful birds. Yeah. A lot would take a driving glove guy, you know what I mean? Like, look at that beautiful eagle soaring through the sky. Do you often? Giant goose. Do you often accept travel-based race challenges from people? That's good. Yeah, like, oh, I can get to New York. Morocco. Have you been to Morocco? Period. End of sentence. And you brag about how you could get there in three days' time if need be, with no aeroplane.

• 56:43Griffin McElroy?

  If I ever made a movie.

• 56:44Travis McElroy?

  No aeroplane. With no aeroplane, I could make it to Morocco in three days' time.

• 56:50Griffin McElroy?

  If I ever made a movie, I would make main character wear a jacket with like a cool animal on the back of it. Cause that movie has had such an enduring legacy on All Hallows' Eve. And I think it all kind of comes down to the fact that he wore a jacket with a cool animal on the back of it.

• 57:05Travis McElroy?

  Hey, can we talk about the connection to that and Hail Mary where he wore a cardigan with like some foxes on it? And now everyone's gonna be wearing that. What's his deal? He wore a shirt that says, I'm enough. And everybody's like, I want to be enough, right?

• 57:18Griffin McElroy?

  Wow. Hey, that's a good point. Is, is he, is Gosling kind of driving the Halloween conversation? Is that like his fucking groove? Is that his deal?

• 57:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I mean, the hard thing is you're not, you're not gonna look like Gosling in them. You know what I mean? Like that's that thing about the sweaters. You get a big sweater and it's just like, he makes it look like a sexy grandpa. Yeah. And they just make it look like a regular grandpa. You know what I mean? Like it's tough.

• 57:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 57:44Travis McElroy?

  I'd be happy with a hear me out grandpa at this point. You know what I mean? That's where I want to be. Put me on a cake.

• 57:51Griffin McElroy?

  You guys remember when everyone dressed up like Lars and the Real Girl's Lars from Lars and the Real Girl? That guy has fucking got his finger on the pulse.

• 57:59Travis McElroy?

  It is rare to find a one-man couple's costume. Hey, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. There's a new season of Adventure Zone going right now. I think the second episode comes out this week. The first episode's up. Taz Providence, um, I'm running it. It's a six-episode mini-arc using, uh, Supernormal by Ursadice. Um, Griffin, Justin and dad play as, uh, pretty minor gods in the pantheon, exploring a small island village. It's very fun and silly and I don't know, I had a great time doing it. I liked it. It's so fun. You're gonna enjoy it. I think it's very goofy.

• 58:37Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you. Um, there's also some new Monster Factory out. Juice and I played Paralives and we fucked it up so bad.

• 58:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we almost broke it to a point where it stops resembling a game.

• 58:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, we ru, we ruined it.

• 58:49Travis McElroy?

  You ruined it good. I enjoyed it.

• 58:52Griffin McElroy?

  We got some merch over at the merch store, macaronmerch.com, Dubre Sweet Leaf t-shirt, uh, designed by Bryn Doherty. Uh, for, for fans of Taz Royale's special little guy. Uh, 10% of all merch proceeds this month will also be donated to the center for reproductive rights, which works to protect reproductive health, self-determination and dignity as basic human rights.

• 59:12Travis McElroy?

  Hey, listen, I know that we mentioned it earlier, but I do want to say, if you want to watch this show in addition to listen to it or instead of, I guess, you can, if you go to YouTube and, uh, join up there for five bucks a month and become a member of our channel, you'll get access to video episodes of this here show and early access to other video content like Monster Factory, Technically Competent, et cetera. The goal is to have video episodes out two days after the audio version is released. So usually Wednesdays. We'll do our best, you know, figuring it out. And thanks for supporting us there in that way. Cause I mean, it's, it, someone's got to do it. You know what I mean? They don't produce themselves.

• 59:52Travis McElroy?

  That's so true, Travis. So true. Thank you. Uh, and thanks for listening. Who wants to throw something?

• 59:58Griffin McElroy?

  Got a gold Zelda cartridge.

• 1:00:00Travis McElroy?

  Holy shit.

• 1:00:00Griffin McElroy?

  For the NES.

• 1:00:01Travis McElroy?

  Ooh.

• 1:00:02Griffin McElroy?

  It's a good one, right? Look at the shine on that bad boy.

• 1:00:04Travis McElroy?

  Really nice.

• 1:00:05Griffin McElroy?

  That's incredible. Look at the, look at the patina on this NES cartridge.

• 1:00:08Travis McElroy?

  Is that an original, Griffin?

• 1:00:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's an original. It's pretty dirty.

• 1:00:12Travis McElroy?

  Okay, throw it. Throw it. Shatter it. Shatter that.

• 1:00:15Griffin McElroy?

  I don't want to shatter it. I.

• 1:00:16Travis McElroy?

  Shatter that piece of gaming history.

• 1:00:18Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, here we go. Three, two, one.

• 1:00:22Travis McElroy?

  You old man.

• 1:00:23Griffin McElroy?

  I almost.

• 1:00:24Travis McElroy?

  You almost drilled yourself in the back of the head.

• 1:00:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you banked it around yourself. That was incredible. Yeah, I did a wanted. I did a bullet.

• 1:00:31Travis McElroy?

  One of the more entertaining ones, I will say.

• 1:00:34Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 1:00:35Travis McElroy?

  Well, my name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 1:00:37Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 1:00:39Travis McElroy?

  This has been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad, square on the lips.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.