MFM Minisode 440

This week’s hometowns include historical knowledge and an emu trying to pants grandma. Support this podcast by shopping our latest sponsor deals and promotions at this link: https://bit.ly/3UFCn1g. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Everyone loves the idea of spending an afternoon curled up with a good book.

• 0:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, grow up, because it's almost impossible.

• 0:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Luckily, you can take your next great story with you on Audible.

• 0:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Audible has a massive selection of titles to choose from, including This American Life, new books by Michael Connelly, along with classics from Magathah Christie, and so much more.

• 0:24Georgia Hardstark?

  Whether you want a mystery, a true crime story, or something completely different, there's always something new to listen to.

• 0:29Karen Kilgariff?

  New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com/mfm.

• 0:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Audible, stories that speak to you. Goodbye. The Hulu original series Phony is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+ Sonny's life is pretty great until he wakes up from a car accident to a world that looks exactly like his, with one exception, his mom.

• 0:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Starring five-time Emmy nominee Connie Britton and Sam Nivola, this small town is hiding the mother of all mysteries just beneath the surface.

• 0:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Watch the Hulu original series, Phony.

• 1:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+ for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

• 1:04Georgia Hardstark?

  Goodbye.

• 1:22Georgia Hardstark?

  Hello and welcome.

• 1:24Karen Kilgariff?

  To my favorite murder.

• 1:25Georgia Hardstark?

  The mini-soad.

• 1:26Karen Kilgariff?

  We read you your stories.

• 1:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Do you want to hear one?

• 1:29Karen Kilgariff?

  You go first. This is an 80s latchkey kid story, and it just goes right into it. It says, "I just listened to Jillian's latchkey kid story, and I have one of my own. As a latchkey kid, I was always reminded to never answer the door for anyone. One day while my parents were out, one was at work, the other was car shopping, I was home alone when some men came to the door and started knocking. I looked out my curtain, saw a car I didn't recognize, and knew I shouldn't answer the door. The knocking grew louder and louder and became intense banging until they finally just broke the door down."

• 2:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Jesus.

• 2:03Karen Kilgariff?

  I was, of course, terrified and not sure what to do. I could hear them downstairs rifling through things, and when I heard them start to come up the stairs, I quickly hid under the bed. One of them came in my room, and I don't really know why he came to my bedside, but I was sure the thunderous sound of my heart beating, when that man's dirty steel-toed boots were standing inches from my face, would give me away. He finally left my room, and my dumb brain said, "You should try to see what he looks like for the police." So I crept onto my bed, as he was going the opposite direction down the hall, and rounded the corner to the stairs. How he did not see me, I don't know, and I wasn't able to get a good look at his facial features either.

• 2:46Karen Kilgariff?

  I crawled back under the bed and waited for them to leave. Finally, they left, and because "Call 911 in an emergency" had not yet been drilled into my brain, I called the neighbor who then called the police. You would think this was bad enough, but upon my return to school, I got the dreaded "Take this to the office for me" directive, and I knew full well that my classmates were being talked to about me and the incident.

• 3:09Georgia Hardstark?

  What?

• 3:10Karen Kilgariff?

  And then in parentheses, it just says, "Why did schools do this kind of bullshit anyway?"

• 3:14Georgia Hardstark?

  That's weird.

• 3:15Karen Kilgariff?

  It says, "Thank you Butte Creek Elementary School for giving my tormentors ammunition that made my life hell from that moment on." The next line says, "I was 11. I struggled with intense nightmares for 20-plus years until I started letting my dogs sleep with me. And you would be surprised by the number of grown-ass adults who, to this day, fucking ask me about it, as if we were discussing the weather."

• 3:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 3:39Karen Kilgariff?

  "I'm 53 now and have lived my life in constant fear for my safety, and I tell everyone I know to please call first because an unexpected knock at the door throws my heart straight into my throat."

• 3:49Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 3:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Also, about 10 years ago, one of my biggest tormentors friended me on Facebook. I accepted trying to let bygones be bygones, and then one day I was like, "Fuck that shit", and I unfriended him. He still occasionally tried to friend me before blocking with something we thought about on the regular. And that's my terrifying latchkey kid story. I'm just out here living my life, always on the edge, but also trying to stay sexy and not get murdered.

• 4:13Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh.

• 4:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Elsa.

• 4:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Man, that stuff sticks with you.

• 4:16Karen Kilgariff?

  I mean, not to assume anything, Elsa, because I know that's not your whole life story.

• 4:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:22Karen Kilgariff?

  I hope you get into therapy.

• 4:23Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 4:24Karen Kilgariff?

  That's something you should definitely talk to somebody about.

• 4:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Your body keeps the score and you can work it out. This is called trash cat story. Hello, ladies. I finally thought of a good one. A must-read, really. When I was 12 years old, my mom brought home two little kittens. They were roughly three months old and they quickly became my whole entire life. That's right, I became a full-blown cat lady at the age of 12. The years passed and we lost one of the kittens around age six. The remaining cat was the calmer of the two. Her name was Penny. She was small, tan, and gray, and very quiet. I took her to live with me when I was about 20 years old and she was eight. She stuck with me through the birth of three boys, adopting a beagle puppy, a shitty marriage, and divorce, and bringing home another stray kitten when Penny was around 16 years old.

• 5:11Georgia Hardstark?

  Having been the solo cat for the last 10 years of her life, she hated that kitten with every fiber of her being and often went into hiding in different parts of the house to escape him. Aw, me me. When Penny was 19 years old, I had just dropped the boys off with their father for his weekend and came back home to enjoy a quiet night. I had been home for around an hour when I went to the back of the house to start a load of laundry. Coming back into the living room, I was suddenly hit with an eye-stinging, nose-burning, wall of chemical-burning smell that I thought was coming from the open windows in the kitchen. I walked through the kitchen and when I got to the front of the house, I realized the smell was coming from inside the house somewhere. Panicking, I scooped up the other cat, Albie, and the beagle, Rosie, and looked around for Penny.

• 5:53Georgia Hardstark?

  Not seeing her immediately, I took the two pets outside to my car and locked them in. I looked around the outside of the house and saw no smoke but didn't dare go back inside yet. I called my mom to see if she would know what the smell was, since she had lived there previously. She told me to call the gas company. The gas company shows up with a fire truck in tow. They use their magic- A gas sensing wants to look around the outside of the house. Nothing toxic. They go inside, nothing toxic, but they also smell the smell and want to stay to help identify where it could be coming from. So a team consisting of me, three firefighters and two gas company men start looking in the front of the house where the smell is strongest. When out of nowhere, Penny pokes her little gray head out of the cabinet to see what all the fuss is about. I scoop her up when the smell hits me like a load of bricks. It was Penny.

• 6:37Karen Kilgariff?

  She gets sprayed by a scum?

• 6:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Uh-uh. In an act of what I'm calling cat dementia, Penny walked across the counters when I was out of the kitchen and all caps set her tail on fire. With a candle I had lit on the counter when I got home. The smell was burnt hair and some streaks of burnt paint on the kitchen wall when she was running away from the fire. The singe part hadn't reached down to her skin and she was perfectly fine. I, on the other hand, had to explain to the five men in my house that it was my cat and there was no serious danger. I still can't totally look all the local firemen in the face when I see some of them in school drop off line. Penny lived another two and a half years and passed away shortly before her 22nd birthday last November. She was truly a part of me that I had to learn how to live without.

• 7:22Georgia Hardstark?

  The joy and comfort she brought to me and my children, who had never known a life without her, is truly irreplaceable. Keep doing what you're doing. It has made a world of difference for people who once felt out of place for loving them a cop. Lots of love, Sarah.

• 7:36Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh.

• 7:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Penny's tail on fire.

• 7:38Karen Kilgariff?

  I mean, it's very kind of like sweet and of course the shy cat gets her cat, her tail set on fire. But I would say you can go right up to this fireman in the pickup line. Because you just having some kind of cat problem is the best kind of call a fireman could go on.

• 7:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 7:54Karen Kilgariff?

  They love it. They think it's funny. It's something to talk about. Who cares?

• 7:58Georgia Hardstark?

  No one's hurt.

• 7:59Karen Kilgariff?

  No one's jumping off a roof to escape. Yeah, it's, it's best case scenario. I would say with the kinds of things that firemen see, they're probably not judging the cat thing.

• 8:09Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 8:09Karen Kilgariff?

  I was afraid that cat was going to be dead somewhere.

• 8:12Georgia Hardstark?

  In a wall.

• 8:13Karen Kilgariff?

  And I was like, this sucks. I'm sad about Penny.

• 8:16Georgia Hardstark?

  No.

• 8:17Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay. This says historical hometown. Hello, Georgia Karen and the ERM team. Greetings from Quincy, pronounced Quincy by the locals, Massachusetts, hometown of John and John Quincy Adams. I'm a third grade teacher in Quincy and our social studies curriculum is all about Massachusetts history. My typical audience is the eight to nine year old, non-murderino market, so I'm hoping to share my historical knowledge with my fellow murderinos. Please do. You've discussed John Adams and John Quincy Adams, but I would be remiss not to acknowledge Abigail Adams. It says Abigail was husband to John, but we think they mean.

• 8:53Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 8:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Wife, obviously. Mother to John Quincy, and if we're talking founding fathers, we need to talk founding mothers. While the men of the revolution, who've been extensively written about in our country's history, shocking, were fighting battles, writing declarations and signing constitutions, the women were making contributions of their own, although their stories aren't often told. Take Deborah Sampson, Massachusetts state heroine. When women were forbidden from fighting in battle, Deborah disguised herself as a man, fought and even dug a musket ball out of her leg with a knife to avoid medical attention that might out her identity.

• 9:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 9:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Total badass. I just read about that woman.

• 9:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Really?

• 9:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes. She was a soldier undercover the entire time and then finally had to go to the hospital. I believe that's when they were found out.

• 9:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 9:41Karen Kilgariff?

  There's Phyllis Wheatley. As a girl, Phyllis was taken from her family in Africa and sold as a slave. Her birth name is unknown. The name Phyllis Wheatley, quote unquote, was given to her. Phyllis was taught to read and write by the family that enslaved her, a rarity to say the least. And despite her horrific circumstances, she emerged as a prolific poet, penning works about the importance of freedom for all. Many of her works were published, making her the first published African American poet.

• 10:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 10:07Karen Kilgariff?

  Circling back to Abigail, while John was traveling for America's independence, Abigail Adams was at home tending. To the farm and her children alone, under constant threat and danger of the British. During their time apart, she and John are well-known for writing letters to one another, many in which Abigail offered advice and guidance to John during the revolution. Most famously, she encouraged him to remember the ladies, imploring him to support women too, and the need to provide education to both boys and girls. Many schools for girls opened after the revolution. Abigail Adams was an OG feminist. Hell, yeah. I hope you enjoyed my often useless historical knowledge. I know, I think it could be of great use to us here on this podcast.

• 10:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Thank you for being my companions on my long commute home while I decompress from the chaos that is teaching in America right now. God, stay strong, teachers. Keep fighting the good fight. You're doing amazing. Back at you from Georgia and I. Stay sexy and remember the ladies. Patricia. P.S. A quick muray to all the teachers. Oh, I didn't see that. This job has always been difficult, but it has become damn near impossible in recent years. Keep digging deep, stay true to your authentic self and purpose, and don't forget to take care of you. Wow. Yeah, that's good advice. That was a great letter. Yeah. Good job. Third grade history teacher is going to come in and actually provide us something. Knowledge. We need it. Yeah. We'll take it. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

• 11:34Karen Kilgariff?

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• 12:19Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

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• 12:51Georgia Hardstark?

  This is seven-year-old, three days, and a broken arm. Hello, queens of the macabre. That's weird that macabre.

• 12:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's the adjective of.

• 13:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Guess so.

• 13:02Karen Kilgariff?

  Our producer Molly's just writing all of these. She's like, Georgia will like this. It's about a cat named Penny.

• 13:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, exactly. It says, hello, queens of the macabre, cats of cookies and escape artist dogs. It was about this time of year when I was seven years old and riding my quad, four-wheeler to some people. Basically, it's a motorized four-wheeled thing that a seven-year-old probably shouldn't have been riding on her own. But I was riding into my large backyard when my dad and younger sister got fishing poles ready to go up to a local pond for some after-dinner fishing. When I did the only thing my dad told me not to do. He told me to go fast on straightaway and slow on turns. Well, I did not slow down on the turn, and the quad ended up on two wheels, and I fell off flipping the quad. I remember rolling out of the way to avoid getting crushed, but I was seven, so who the hell knows?

• 13:49Georgia Hardstark?

  I screamed, my dad came running, stopped the runaway quad, and then helped me get up.

• 13:56Georgia Hardstark?

  My left arm hurt like.

• 13:57Speaker 03

  Which one cost $2,500?

• 13:58Georgia Hardstark?

  Exactly. My arm hurt like hell, so he took me inside. My mom got me a water bottle for my arm and tried to calm me down because naturally I was crying and freaking out. My mom told me it would be sore for the next few days, but the next morning, I couldn't lift it above my shoulder. My mom had to, all caps, force my arm above my head to put on my shirt, and I was in tears.

• 14:22Karen Kilgariff?

  So like her shoulders dislocated and her mom's like, but we gotta get this shirt on.

• 14:25Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, this is the only way to get a shirt on.

• 14:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Got to. It has to be a pull over the head shirt.

• 14:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Right. I went to school, A, all caps karate class that night. And then school, and then school the next day. When I came out of school Friday, it says the rec happened on a Wednesday. My pants were not zipped up or buttoned and I was dragging my rolling backpack trying to clutch my arm. Very pathetic.

• 14:48Karen Kilgariff?

  So pathetic.

• 14:50Georgia Hardstark?

  A doctor's office, a hospital, three hours later, and questions that I now realize I needed to answer because people thought a seven year old was being abused. And we found out I had a broken arm.

• 15:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did.

• 15:02Georgia Hardstark?

  I am now 21 years old and to this day, that is still the only bone I have ever broken. And I actually punch harder with that arm now. Bionic arm.

• 15:11Karen Kilgariff?

  In what scenario do you know that?

• 15:13Georgia Hardstark?

  I know. That's something we should all know. Which arm do you punch harder with? We should all know.

• 15:18Karen Kilgariff?

  And remember when you used to punch with that arm?

• 15:20Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 15:21Karen Kilgariff?

  How different is it now that you're, when you're punching?

• 15:23Georgia Hardstark?

  Right, right. Maybe they bloated her up with something.

• 15:26Karen Kilgariff?

  Titanium?

• 15:27Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. I also have this kick ass story to freak my friends out. I would like to clarify that my parents are amazing people and very supportive. And I believe this incident has helped me to become a tougher human being overall.

• 15:38Karen Kilgariff?

  You have to say that to yourself, don't you?

• 15:40Georgia Hardstark?

  There's no other way.

• 15:41Karen Kilgariff?

  The other option is so sad.

• 15:44Georgia Hardstark?

  Thank you ladies for all you do. Stay sexy. And if your seven year old falls off her quad, get her to the hospital.

• 15:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Or don't, because it'll make her tougher.

• 15:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Britt.

• 15:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Britt, Britt, you're probably as tough as nails.

• 15:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. Britt's like a positive, you know, cheery person who will also fight for you.

• 16:02Karen Kilgariff?

  She's like, Britt's like, get her done. She's like, look, put your arms up even when you have a dislocated shoulder. Put your Ringer t-shirt on.

• 16:10Georgia Hardstark?

  And jam that arm up over your head.

• 16:13Karen Kilgariff?

  If it's really swollen and throbbing and it hurts to move at all.

• 16:17Georgia Hardstark?

  Move it.

• 16:17Karen Kilgariff?

  The answer's karate. Did you hear about the 13 year old? A guy tried to grab her. It was in Carmel. And she fucking used jujitsu on him and broke his ankle.

• 16:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Hell, yeah.

• 16:29Karen Kilgariff?

  He was like, hey, blah, blah, blah. And she was like, I don't need to be helping you. And then he reached out and grabbed her and she was just like, jujitsu move, jujitsu move.

• 16:38Georgia Hardstark?

  We need to, we all need to learn jujitsu.

• 16:39Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 16:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 16:41Karen Kilgariff?

  So good.

• 16:41Georgia Hardstark?

  We'll talk about it. That's crazy.

• 16:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay, here's my last one. It says, "Fistfight at a first birthday party." And then in parentheses, it says, "Spicy family drama." That's what we're looking for. Hello Karen, Georgia kitties, puppies, and the entire Exactly Right crew. Longtime listener, second time writer, though this is a much better story, so I'm glad you guys never read the first one. See, we know. In mini sub 418, you asked for family drama stories. Boy, do I have a good story for you. Some context. My grandfather was not a good guy. He was a firefighter who faked an injury and went out on disability for the remainder of his career. He was also abusive towards my grandmother, mother, and uncles. My grandma divorced him in the 70s, and my mother, a loud, opinionated Brooklyn Italian, stopped speaking to him when she was a teenager. Suffice it to say,

• 17:27Karen Kilgariff?

  we all had no relationship with the man, and I didn't know him at all. Fast forward to January 2002. I am freshly four years old, and the family is gathered to celebrate my cousin Stephen's first birthday. My Uncle Steve, Stephen's dad, obviously, had an icy relationship with his father, but they're still on speaking terms at this point. Being that I was only four at the time, I have no memory of the following incident, but this is what I've been told happened. My grandfather's new wife was making a comment about something and was trying to use the word "connoisseur." However...

• 17:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, it sounds like me. It sounds like me. Okay.

• 18:00Karen Kilgariff?

  However, she mispronounced the word and instead said "conno-suer," which is fine.

• 18:04Georgia Hardstark?

  That's fine.

• 18:05Karen Kilgariff?

  That's a fun accent.

• 18:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 18:07Karen Kilgariff?

  My grandmother, never one to hold her judgment or tongue when it's involving someone she does not have the highest opinion of, turns around and very loudly says, "Kano-suer." This one silly comment led to my grandfather and grandmother exchanging some choice words. Things began to get a little heated, which led my Uncle Frank, Grandma's brother, leaping across the table and punching my grandfather in the face. A fistfight between two men commenced. I don't know exactly what happened next. I'd imagine they were broken up, and maybe the police were called. But I do know that this was the final nail in the coffin, effectively ending the relationship between Uncle Steve and my grandfather, which explains why my brother, cousins, and I never even knew the man. My mother will often say,

• 18:51Karen Kilgariff?

  "I'm surprised you don't remember that, ma'am. I was four." There are many more wild family moments connected to the story and the nonsense of my grandfather in general. Like, whenever my cousins and I come across the word connoisseur, which surprisingly happens a lot more than you'd think, we always give each other a knowing look and exclaim, "Conno-suer," like the assholes we are. Or the time I was watching the old-school game show Card Sharks with my grandma.

• 19:15Georgia Hardstark?

  I love that game.

• 19:16Karen Kilgariff?

  That sentence, "I was watching Card Sharks with my grandma," is like the source of all great memories.

• 19:22Georgia Hardstark?

  Memories, yeah.

• 19:23Karen Kilgariff?

  It's such a good game.

• 19:24Georgia Hardstark?

  It is.

• 19:25Karen Kilgariff?

  The host introduces ten married women and says, "How many of these women claim that they've been in love with another man besides their husbands? Scandalous. My grandma says, "I think I've been in love with three men. None of them are my husband."

• 19:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Ooh, grandma spicy.

• 19:39Karen Kilgariff?

  I practically fell on the floor laughing. The icing on the cake, a few days after this, we were informed of my grandfather's passing. True comedic irony. My sweet uncle Frank, the unsung hero of this story, lost his battle with Alzheimer's in 2024. He was a New York City firefighter for 30 years and the grandfather I never had. He was an incredible man, and we all miss him so much, but we know he's always with us, visiting us in the form of Cardinals and flickering lights. He was and remains the best. Stay sexy and don't get into a fistfight at a child's birthday party, Emily.

• 20:11Georgia Hardstark?

  There is nothing classier than a fistfight at a child's birthday party.

• 20:14Karen Kilgariff?

  How about a fistfight at a wedding?

• 20:16Georgia Hardstark?

  A we- oh.

• 20:17Karen Kilgariff?

  My family did that a couple times.

• 20:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Ooh.

• 20:19Karen Kilgariff?

  Sacramento.

• 20:20Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay. An emu tried to pants my grandma. Hello, MFM, day-one listener, something-ith time-writer. The first time I heard your voices, I was in the back of a Bush taxi in the middle of rural Burkina Faso, where I was serving with the Peace Corps. Since then, I've become an immigration attorney and I'm prepping for my wedding next month. You've been with me every step of the way. Thank you.

• 20:45Karen Kilgariff?

  Wow, thank you.

• 20:45Georgia Hardstark?

  While listening to Georgia's excellent Emu Wars episode, I remember the time I very gallantly did not stand up to an emu. When I was 10 years old, my family moved to Australia. I was fascinated by all the animal interactions. Early on, I woke up for school and walked out into the dining room to just see my dad in his underwear, leaping from wall to wall with a shoebox, trying to catch the biggest huntsman spider I have ever seen.

• 21:11Karen Kilgariff?

  Have you seen those ones?

• 21:12Georgia Hardstark?

  And they're like hairy.

• 21:13Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, it's kind of tarantul-y if I'm not mistaken.

• 21:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I purposely don't want to see it.

• 21:19Karen Kilgariff?

  I won't show you, but I'm gonna look it up really quick.

• 21:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Show me, show me.

• 21:22Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 21:22Georgia Hardstark?

  I should know.

• 21:23Karen Kilgariff?

  Cause I wonder if I'm thinking of...

• 21:25Georgia Hardstark?

  Well, there's one behind you right now.

• 21:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Behind you.

• 21:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Ah, the legs are long. The legs are so long.

• 21:30Karen Kilgariff?

  It's also actually, well, like, I think maybe there's different ones, but this is not hairy.

• 21:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 21:35Karen Kilgariff?

  It's like, the tiny version gets in your bathroom all the time, but it's literally that big. But when you see it, you go, those legs are too long.

• 21:41Georgia Hardstark?

  I can't fuck, I can't do spiders.

• 21:43Karen Kilgariff?

  I'm so sorry, cause that one was palm-sized, literally.

• 21:46Georgia Hardstark?

  Palm-sized and then like really like especially long legs.

• 21:48Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 21:49Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 21:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Like you, like, how are these people putting them on their hands?

• 21:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Like long and skinny. Like, look at my page right there. That's how I gripped, that's how hard I gripped.

• 21:58Georgia Hardstark?

  Fuck, no more papers. Okay. No, I don't want to see any, no more, no more. And then it says, "It's an image I will never forget." Me too.

• 22:06Karen Kilgariff?

  Me three.

• 22:07Georgia Hardstark?

  "Around my 11th birthday, my grandparents, Anne and Bill, AKA Grammy and Gramps, came to visit us and we set off on a number of adventures to show them our new home. One of the outings was to, to Vanilla National Preserve, an excellent nature preserve outside of Canberra, where we were living. We took a picnic and set up to eat after walking through the koala preserve."

• 22:29Karen Kilgariff?

  So minty.

• 22:30Georgia Hardstark?

  I'll take a koala in my house, not a fucking huntsman spider.

• 22:33Karen Kilgariff?

  Any day.

• 22:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Koala on the wall.

• 22:35Karen Kilgariff?

  They just have a little bit of herpes, that's okay.

• 22:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh no, do they? Oh no.

• 22:39Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, they have a lot of STDs apparently.

• 22:41Georgia Hardstark?

  Cool, okay. We're learning a lot.

• 22:44Karen Kilgariff?

  Australian, I'm your Australian information you didn't want to know about Australia hookup, yeah.

• 22:50Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, as we were starting to eat a couple eat- As we were starting to eat, a couple emus, not as we were starting to eat a couple emus.

• 22:58Karen Kilgariff?

  Digging into those emus.

• 22:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Right. As we were starting to eat, a couple emus started to approach our table. We tried to play it cool, but one of them started to really focus on Grammy. But the emus just kept getting closer and closer until they were practically sitting at the table with us. Suddenly, one of the emus start pecking at Grammy's pants. She got up and started to back away and around the table. And the emu followed pecking incessantly at the button of her pants. The rest of the family started yelling at the emu, trying to chase it away or trying to quickly pack up our lunch. Me, I ran as quickly as I could into the car and locked myself inside.

• 23:32Karen Kilgariff?

  That's right.

• 23:34Georgia Hardstark?

  And watched from afar as a giant emu chased my little Grammy around the picnic table, attempting to steal her pants.

• 23:40Karen Kilgariff?

  Why?

• 23:41Georgia Hardstark?

  In the end, the picnic was saved and Grammy's pants remained intact, all thanks to everyone but me.

• 23:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Coward.

• 23:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Also like locking the door like an emu is just gonna open the door.

• 23:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Or if anyone else tries to come get it, it's like, no, no.

• 23:53Georgia Hardstark?

  Just me.

• 23:54Karen Kilgariff?

  You weren't fast enough.

• 23:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Stay sexy and don't let the emu steal your pants, Ruby.

• 23:58Karen Kilgariff?

  Ruby, why was it like the color shiny button?

• 24:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Probably.

• 24:02Karen Kilgariff?

  Because those are like, I would imagine emus are super cute 15 feet away.

• 24:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 24:07Karen Kilgariff?

  And the second they're within five feet, you're scared shitless.

• 24:09Georgia Hardstark?

  I think just they're terrifying up close.

• 24:12Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 24:12Georgia Hardstark?

  They got the teeth and the calves and the muscles.

• 24:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Dinosaurs.

• 24:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Dinosaurs.

• 24:16Karen Kilgariff?

  Full on dinosaurs.

• 24:17Georgia Hardstark?

  Uh, send us your stories about.

• 24:19Karen Kilgariff?

  Australia stories, large spider on any continent stories.

• 24:22Georgia Hardstark?

  Definitely.

• 24:23Karen Kilgariff?

  Of course, emu.

• 24:24Georgia Hardstark?

  Always emu.

• 24:25Karen Kilgariff?

  If you've got an emu story, if you've got an emu story.

• 24:27Georgia Hardstark?

  We'll take either.

• 24:28Karen Kilgariff?

  We like both.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, OnDeck's loans up to $400,000 help make it happen fast. Rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five-star TrustPilot reviews, OnDeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes at ondeck.com. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 25:01Speaker 04

  Sponsored by GSK, the makers of Extenture, Depamocumab ULAa. If your asthma keeps interrupting. It may be time to try something else. Extensure is an ultra-long-acting prescription-maintenance treatment for severe asthma, eosinophilic type, ages 12 and older. It isn't for sudden breathing problems. Extensure is the first and only add-on treatment that can help deliver protection from asthma attacks with two doses a year. Just one dose every six months. That's a lot of time for everything in between. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Get help right away for swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or trouble breathing. Don't change or stop medicines, including steroids, unless told by your doctor. Report if you have a parasitic infection.

• 25:44Speaker 04

  Common colds, sinus infection, inflammation in the nose, flu or fluke-like symptoms, joint pain, or sore throat may occur. Carry on with fewer attacks and ask your doctor about Extensure. Learn more at extensure.com or call 1-833-393-3678.

• 26:09Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, hi. We don't usually do "hurra's" at the end of minisodes, but this is a special occasion.

• 26:14Karen Kilgariff?

  So this is Honking Hurra's, presented by Hyundai.

• 26:17Georgia Hardstark?

  All right, you want to go first?

• 26:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Sure, I'll go first.

• 26:19Georgia Hardstark?

  Tell me one.

• 26:21Karen Kilgariff?

  We also never read these off cards.

• 26:22Georgia Hardstark?

  We don't.

• 26:22Karen Kilgariff?

  It's all so exciting. I've never read anything with this much lipstick on before. Are you ready? The subject line of this hurrah is "Hooray: Lighthouse in Maine Edition."

• 26:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Great.

• 26:33Karen Kilgariff?

  "After a devastating divorce in 2020..." Starts off a little heavy.

• 26:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Starts heavy.

• 26:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Are you all right?

• 26:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 26:38Karen Kilgariff?

  We're gonna be fine.

• 26:39Georgia Hardstark?

  Let's go.

• 26:39Karen Kilgariff?

  We're in the car. "After a devastating divorce in 2020, I started listening to MFM in one of the podcasts. Karen stated that she wanted to, quote, 'live alone in a lighthouse in Maine,' end quote." Remember that one?

• 26:51Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, that's great.

• 26:52Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, Karen, after four years of dreaming about what you said, I've moved to Maine from California, and I live about 20 minutes walking, four minutes driving, from the Portland Head Lighthouse.

• 27:02Georgia Hardstark?

  Aww.

• 27:03Karen Kilgariff?

  It's beautiful. Hurrah for bravery, for finding inspiration anywhere, or just doing what Karen says.

• 27:09Georgia Hardstark?

  Grateful, Jill.

• 27:11Karen Kilgariff?

  Sweet. I mean, hurrah for that.

• 27:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Hurrah, I want to leave to...I want to leave California, too. That sounds great.

• 27:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Right this second.

• 27:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Right this moment.

• 27:19Karen Kilgariff?

  Can you read a hooray before you go?

• 27:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Good thing I'm in a car.

• 27:22Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 27:22Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, this is called, uh, no title. Okay. I have a hooray. My dog Ripkin finished radiation treatments after six weeks of treatment for sarcoma. He was a very brave boy and we listened to your voices on the entire one and a half hour drive each way to treatment.

• 27:40Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh.

• 27:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, and that was from KK Fenwick 3.

• 27:44Karen Kilgariff?

  KK.

• 27:44Georgia Hardstark?

  KK Brent. Okay, yeah. Let's see.

• 27:46Karen Kilgariff?

  So wait, that dog's okay, right?

• 27:48Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 27:48Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 27:48Georgia Hardstark?

  He finished radiation after six weeks, but so he's good now.

• 27:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Full hooray.

• 27:51Georgia Hardstark?

  Full hooray.

• 27:52Karen Kilgariff?

  Gigantic hooray.

• 27:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 27:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay. This one is written by none other than a Shelby. Are you ready?

• 27:58Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, I love a Shelby.

• 27:59Karen Kilgariff?

  So the subject line of this is hooray.

• 28:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 28:01Karen Kilgariff?

  It was an email.

• 28:02Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 28:02Karen Kilgariff?

  It says, "This is Shelby here, but it is actually Dr. Shelby now."

• 28:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Ooh.

• 28:07Karen Kilgariff?

  "I've been an RN since the nineteen, since the 1900s," she says.

• 28:11Georgia Hardstark?

  I love that.

• 28:12Karen Kilgariff?

  "I currently work as a nursing instructor, teaching baby nurses how to not kill people." It's very important. "Back in 2019, I was fired from an awesome job with shitty upper management, but nevertheless, this change forced me to look at my path and with my husband's encouragement, I went back to school."

• 28:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Bye.

• 28:29Karen Kilgariff?

  "I completed my BSN in the midst of the pandemic." How did you do anything in the pandemic? That's, can you imagine homework in the pandemic?

• 28:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Absolutely not.

• 28:39Karen Kilgariff?

  "And continued to get my masters as a nurse practitioner." Man, fast forward to now, "My 19-year-old daughter is getting pinned graduating with an RN degree and she pushed me to get my doctorate in nursing so we could graduate together."

• 28:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Aww.

• 28:53Karen Kilgariff?

  "I come from a family that has never been to college and now I have my doctorate with a daughter that is now an RN."

• 28:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Unbelievable.

• 29:00Karen Kilgariff?

  "So a huge hooray to my badass daughter Megan, being an RN at 19 and taking her first job in an emergency room."

• 29:06Georgia Hardstark?

  My God.

• 29:06Karen Kilgariff?

  Megan doesn't care. She's like, "I'm here first in line to help people."

• 29:11Georgia Hardstark?

  I'm jumping in.

• 29:12Karen Kilgariff?

  "You got a motorcycle? I'll be there. I'm Megan. I've listened since day one and you ladies have helped me through studying and thesis." Can you believe that?

• 29:21Georgia Hardstark?

  No, we didn't.

• 29:22Karen Kilgariff?

  What does that even mean? "Thanks for all your hours of entertainment. Hooray to you badass bitches. Shelby."

• 29:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Thanks Shelby.

• 29:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Dr. Shelby now.

• 29:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Dr. Shelby.

• 29:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Dr. Shelby, you did it.

• 29:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Amazing. Okay, this one is from YouTube. It says, "My hooray is that I finally, for the first time ever, played D and D this week."

• 29:43Karen Kilgariff?

  See, there's, there's big things, there's smaller things, it's all important.

• 29:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Hooray means something different to everyone.

• 29:49Karen Kilgariff?

  That's right.

• 29:49Georgia Hardstark?

  I have been wanting the joy of magical role-playing since realizing what D and D is only a year ago. And my beautiful coworkers from the school I work at, drama teachers, baby, joined me and my son, nine, and we made my dream come true. It was like disassociating in the most wonderful way possible, and I can't wait to play again. So, hooray for Friends, fantasy, and pretending to be a delusional wingless dragon, the Janeaster.

• 30:16Karen Kilgariff?

  Wow, Jane.

• 30:17Georgia Hardstark?

  Jane? Jay.

• 30:18Karen Kilgariff?

  The Janeaster.

• 30:19Georgia Hardstark?

  The Jane, Janester, the Janester.

• 30:22Karen Kilgariff?

  The Janester, yeah, Janester.

• 30:25Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I love that.

• 30:26Karen Kilgariff?

  I do too.

• 30:27Georgia Hardstark?

  I always thought it'd be too late for me to play D and D, but I guess not.

• 30:29Karen Kilgariff?

  I always thought it wouldn't be believable because of the pretending.

• 30:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Sure.

• 30:33Karen Kilgariff?

  I'd be like, I guess I'm a troll.

• 30:35Georgia Hardstark?

  And yet, you're in a car right now, reading.

• 30:38Karen Kilgariff?

  This is only acting. This is about as fake as it gets. Okay, ready? This is also an email that says, "Hooray," but this has five exclamation points after it. It says, "Beautiful ladies, I've finally found a stable job since completing my BS," small c, BSC. Anyone with a college education?

• 30:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Bachelor of Science.

• 30:59Karen Kilgariff?

  And.

• 30:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Communication.

• 31:03Karen Kilgariff?

  But then, it says, "In international wildlife biology." Dang it.

• 31:07Georgia Hardstark?

  We didn't graduate college.

• 31:09Karen Kilgariff?

  We don't know these classes. So, they did all that two years ago. And, "Working in the hospitality industry for the past 10 years, I've been craving some sense of stability. This new job isn't much, but it's providing me with routine, structure, and an amazing work-life balance, which I so desperately needed. Does this mean I'm getting old? Maybe, but I'm here for it. I can't wait to go to bed early. Izzy from Wales." And then it says, "P.S. Be nice to your waiters, they're dead inside."

• 31:37Georgia Hardstark?

  That's true.

• 31:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 31:38Georgia Hardstark?

  And your podcasters.

• 31:39Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, that's pretty much everybody, be nice.

• 31:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, yeah, be nice. This one is an email, and it says, "Hello, exactly right, folks. Karen in Georgia. My name is Erin, I've been listening to MFM since high school, along with my mom." Shout out, Margot.

• 31:54Karen Kilgariff?

  Margot.

• 31:55Georgia Hardstark?

  "I'm graduating from law school as one of the top students in my class. Law school sucks, but it's in my past now. To think that you guys have kept me sane and entertained since I was in high school, and now I'm almost a lawyer, is insane."

• 32:08Karen Kilgariff?

  It is insane.

• 32:09Georgia Hardstark?

  "Hope it doesn't make you feel too old."

• 32:10Karen Kilgariff?

  It does.

• 32:12Georgia Hardstark?

  And for a bonus, my cat Yuzu, who has survived law school with me, is basically a cat lawyer. Aww.

• 32:19Karen Kilgariff?

  Because the cat's just been there studying the whole time.

• 32:22Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, basically. Stay sexy and don't go to law school. Unless you really want to, then go and be a badass, Erin M.

• 32:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Erin, amazing job.

• 32:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 32:33Karen Kilgariff?

  You're a lawyer.

• 32:34Georgia Hardstark?

  You did it. Congratulations. We're glad we were in high school with you.

• 32:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 32:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Weird.

• 32:39Karen Kilgariff?

  We were popular in that high school, weren't we? We made it work.

• 32:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Is that it?

• 32:43Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, I think that's it. Thank you Hyundai for sponsoring this wonderful segment.

• 32:46Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, thanks, guys.

• 32:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? Ah.

• 32:58Georgia Hardstark?

  This has been an Exactly Right production. Our senior producers are Alejandra Keck and Molly Smith. Our editor is Aristotle LaCiveta. This episode was mixed by Liana Scolacci. Email your hometowns to [email protected]. And follow the show on Instagram at MyFavoriteMurder. Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And now you can watch us on Exactly Right's YouTube page. And while you're there, please like and subscribe. Goodbye.

• 33:29Speaker 05

  OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, OnDeck's loans up to $400,000 make it happen fast. Rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five-star Trust Pilot reviews, OnDeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes at ondeck.com. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 33:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Calling all amateur detectives and podcast obsessives.

• 34:00Georgia Hardstark?

  Virgin Voyages' second True Crime Voyage sets sail March 20, 2027, for a five-night escape to Grand Turk and the Beach Club at Bimini.

• 34:08Karen Kilgariff?

  As part of the On Air at Sea collection, this immersive sailing brings together fan favorite podcasts, including Disgrace Land, Buried Bones, and Wise Crack, for live recordings, behind-the-scenes access, exclusive meet and greets, and crime-themed programming that you won't find anywhere else.

• 34:25Georgia Hardstark?

  All aboard our award-winning, kid-free ships.

• 34:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Head over to virginvoyages.com/truecrime to secure your spot. Goodbye.

• 34:33Speaker 04

  Sponsored by GSK, the makers of Extenture, Depomocamab ULAA. If your asthma keeps interrupting... It may be time to try something else. Extensure is an ultra-long-acting prescription-maintenance treatment for severe asthma, eosinophilic type, ages 12 and older. It isn't for sudden breathing problems. Extensure is the first and only add-on treatment that can help deliver protection from asthma attacks with two doses a year. Just one dose every six months. That's a lot of time for everything in between. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Get help right away for swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or trouble breathing. Don't change or stop medicines, including steroids, unless told by your doctor. Report if you have a parasitic infection.

• 35:16Speaker 04

  Common colds, sinus infection, inflammation in the nose, flu or flulike symptoms, joint pain or sore throat may occur. Carry on with fewer attacks and ask your doctor about Extensure. Learn more at Extensure.com or call 1-833-393-3678.