Pod Insights On Purpose with Jay Shetty 3 Ways to Deal with Loneliness & Healthy Social Distancing About this episode In many ways, the world has slowed to a halt, leaving people isolated, lonely and fearful. Jay Shetty is committed to helping people maintain a sense of peace and connectedness in the midst of social distancing.
Today Shetty gives advice about the nature of loneliness, and practical ways to use this time advantageously. Remember that this challenging time won’t last forever. It is vital to make the most of it by staying healthy, productive and connected. Text Jay Shetty 310-997-4177
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Jay Shetty? This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,
0:44 Jay Shetty? AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells,
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2:16 Jay Shetty? And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1
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3:10 Jay Shetty? This is your opportunity to get to know yourself. It truly is, you need to become the company you want, right? You can become that company, you can become that association for yourself. And if you can't physically be with people, then this is the approach you have to take. First of all, I want to get to know yourself.
3:37 Jay Shetty? Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. And I believe that the next few weeks and the next few episodes are going to be some of the most important ones that I record this year because of the current state of affairs in the whole world. We're not just talking about one country, we're talking about so many. And I know so many of you are going through so many things. And here's what I want you to know. I want you to know I'm praying for you. I want you to know I'm meditating for you. And I want you to know I'm here for you. And I want to be finding you the best information, the best connection, the best advice and insight that could support and serve you at this time. That's my only intention as to how we can work through this together.
4:22 Jay Shetty? And I want you to know that you're not alone. I want you to know that I'm with you. And I want you to know that my podcast is with you because in this time where some of us may have more time than we expected, we may feel more stressed, more anxious, we may even feel more busy and more panicked than ever before. It's so important that we still find time for ourselves. And I know that sounds like a luxury right now. You're like, Jay, I don't even have time for that. But here's the truth. If you're not in a good place, you can't help anyone else. If you're not in a good space, that's not going to trickle over to anyone else.
5:00 Jay Shetty? So today, I wanted to dedicate this episode on how to deal with loneliness at this time, and how to make the most of it. Because I truly believe that there is an opportunity. There is always a chance to grow in any situation. But here's the thing, I know it's super hard being away from family right now. And I know that you're missing your loved ones. I know so many of you have, you know, you're alone because you live alone. So many of you were traveling and now you're stuck in the country you were traveling in. Or maybe you were at college and now you can't get back home. Or maybe you recently separated.
5:39 Jay Shetty? Whatever situation makes you feel alone, this podcast is for you. And you may just feel alone because now you can't see your friends. Now you're self-quarantined. Now you're taking that social isolation. And I'm glad that you're doing social distancing. But I want to share with you how you can do it in a healthy way. I want to share in this episode how you can do it in a way that supports you, that takes care of you, and that keeps allowing you to be in a good space mentally and physically. This is the most important priority to me right now, and I want you to know that. So no matter what situation has made you feel alone, I want you to recognize this. You're not alone.
6:24 Jay Shetty? Please, please, please recognize that. And if you're someone who isn't alone but knows someone who's alone, share this with them. Share this advice with them. This episode is for you as well, because this is how you've got to help the people in your life that are alone, whether it's friends, whether it's family, and you can't be with them. Here are a few insights and ideas of how to help them through this. Now, one of the first things that I want to address here is the difference between loneliness and what I want to share with you. So in our vocabulary, in our language, we only use one word for being alone.
7:09 Jay Shetty? We call it loneliness, right? That's the only word we use for being alone, or a loner. You know, you're secluded. But there is another word for loneliness and we don't use it enough. It's called solitude, right? It's called solitude. Now loneliness means you are seeking company or you feel like you don't have any company. But solitude means you become good company for yourself, right? That's the difference that loneliness is a feeling that I'm alone, that I don't have anyone around me, like what am I gonna do? Whereas solitude is the joy of loneliness, right?
7:50 Jay Shetty? Solitude is where you actually feel powerful in that being alone. And it's not loneliness anymore. It's not a negative anymore, right? It's got nothing to do with that. And I think too many of us get lost thinking we're always lonely and that being lonely is a weakness. So many of us see loneliness as a weakness because that's how we've been trained to see it, right? If you're alone, you're considered less important, less popular, less invited, right? So loneliness makes us feel like it's a weakness, like it's a lack, like we have a deficiency in something. But actually solitude can be powerful, it can be strong, it can be resilient, it can actually lead to our greatness.
8:33 Jay Shetty? And that's what I want us to recognize at this time. I'm not telling you to be alone, but I'm hoping you recognize that being alone is not a weakness. Being alone is a strength. Being alone is power. And in solitude, you can actually uncover your potential. So here are a few ideas of what you can do to experience solitude versus loneliness. Loneliness is like FOMO, right? It's the fear of missing out. It's the fear that I'm missing out on something, I'm not getting to be anywhere. Well, first of all, just recognize no one is anywhere, right? For the first time in a long time, no one can make up a story about where they are, what they're doing, how fun their life is, because everyone's in the same situation.
9:18 Jay Shetty? So you can realize that you're not missing out on anything at all. But the feelings of loneliness come from thinking, I need people around me to feel safe. I need people around me to feel secure. And these are all very normal, healthy feelings. And I think it's important to understand them. But I also want you to understand this. This is your opportunity to get to know yourself. It truly is. You need to become the company you want, right? You can become that company. You can become that association for yourself. And if you can't physically be with people, then this is the approach you have to take. First of all, I want to get to know yourself. I want you to journal more. I want you to look at your reflections.
10:03 Jay Shetty? I want you to learn how to talk to yourself. I want you to learn how to be able to conversate with yourself. I want you to be able to understand your feelings and emotions more deeply. It's interesting, we're always trying to get other people to understand us and we're worried that people don't understand us. But that stems from us not understanding ourselves. And usually, we struggle to articulate ourselves effectively to other people because we actually haven't tried to articulate how we feel to ourselves. And that's why it's so important to journal. When we journal and just free journal, remember, writing a journal is not writing a book. Writing a journal is not writing a book. Let me say it two times, let me say it three times. Writing a journal is not writing a book.
10:46 Jay Shetty? Writing a journal is not writing a blog or an article. Writing a journal is not writing a thesis. Writing a journal is letting your mind flow through the pen or the pencil. It's just letting your mind flow, release, and let go. That's what journaling is. It's free flow. It's just writing expressively, sharing, not trying to word everything beautifully or elegantly or purposefully, but just to unintentionally get out of your head. And that's one of the reasons why we feel lonely is because we're living in our heads. The only way to get out of our heads is to do something tangible and physical,
11:29 Jay Shetty? and journaling is one of them, because now you're taking out the thoughts in your head and you're putting them down onto paper, which allows you to process them. It allows you to actually reflect on them. It allows you to look at them objectively and understand them from a different perspective.
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12:32 Jay Shetty? who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colors, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are. But it can be challenging to balance style, budget and endless options. I was looking to create a dedicated calm space for my morning meditation and reading,
13:13 Jay Shetty? but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use. I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that corner is my favorite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible, it's built to last, and it completely shifted the energy of the room. Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality, so you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache, Wayfair can handle delivery, installation and assembly. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home.
13:56 Jay Shetty? That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Now, here's the thing, some of you may be listening going... Jay, I'm not a writer. I don't like writing, right? And I know a lot of you may not like writing. And you may be like, Jay, you know, like, I know that you're, you've written a book and whatever, but, but I don't like writing right now. Right? I can't write. It, it's not something I do. Well, here's my answer. Voice note it to yourself. Switch on the voice note app on your phone. Record your feelings. Just talk to yourself as if you were going to talk to a friend. Now, even if you have friends in your life, even if you have family in your life, this is a healthy practice because it helps you understand yourself.
14:40 Jay Shetty? And right now, there's so much going on in your mind that it's important that you learn to understand yourself. And if you're not able to find security and safety and support from around you, it's important that you find it within yourself. So the reason why voice noting to yourself really works is that it allows you to hear your problems and challenges objectively. Just think about this for a moment. When your friends are sharing their challenges, don't you always know what to do? Don't you always feel you have an answer? Don't you always feel really confident that you know the solution? How many times do you just feel like, oh, I know what I'd say to that? But why is it then when we're in our own situations? When we have our own challenges?
15:24 Jay Shetty? When we have our own problems? Why do we then struggle? Why is it then harder? Why is it then more complicated? Why is it at that time? We feel like we have no answers and no solutions and we feel more confused? And maybe you're feeling that right now. But when you record a voice note and you hear your voice and you hear the challenges, you can listen to it as if it is someone else. You can listen objectively. And just as you would give other people great advice, you can now start to give yourself good advice. Because guess what? The great advice is inside of you. You just need to learn to listen to yourself. The powerful insight and the power is inside of you.
16:09 Jay Shetty? You just need to learn to listen to yourself. Right? This is how we build the practice of understanding ourselves. The second thing we can do is learn to love, or learn what we love to do in our own company. Most of us are so used to just spending, or potentially wasting time with other people, that we don't know what we like to do on our own anymore. But you might find that you love having your morning tea, you love reading, you love playing an instrument, you love doing an online course, you love, you know, listening to a podcast. What do you like to do on your own? And it's important to ask yourself that. What can I do every day on my own that brings me joy? Because guess what?
16:54 Jay Shetty? No one can take that away from you. And this is a life skill. If you find what gives you joy, and no one can ever take that away from you, that is one of the most beautiful things that you can obtain. This is a real gift that you can unlock at this time is, what do I like doing? And the best thing right now is try a lot of different things, and see what really sticks. See what really, really means a lot to you. See what really powerfully connects with you, right? Just think about that for a moment. Test it out and try things out. But what do you like doing in your own time, in your own space? What is it that brings you joy? What is it that brings you alive and makes you feel, you know, energized?
17:37 Jay Shetty? Maybe it's even meditating. Maybe it's dancing, right? Whatever it may be. What do you like to do in your own company? It could be playing PlayStation, right? It could be playing games. What can you do with yourself every day that brings you joy? And the third thing that you want to do is you want to recognize that you can still connect with people. You can do some really special things at this time. You could write someone a letter. You could send them videos, right, of you. You can make someone's day by sending them a thankful voice note. How can you connect with people? If you can't connect with them physically, how can you connect with them virtually so that you can still share that exchange?
18:22 Jay Shetty? Now, here's the important information. And this is the second thing that I really wanted to share about loneliness. Is that when you're lonely, you think you're missing people's presence, but actually you're missing the experience. Stay with me on this. You don't really want to be in shared space. You want shared experience. You don't want just someone to be present or in the same room. You want to have an experience or an exchange or an interaction with them. And this is really, really an important point here because so many of us feel that we just want to be around lots of people and we feel more energy when we're around loads of people. Actually, most of us feel drained when we're around lots of people.
19:07 Jay Shetty? Actually, most of us feel tired and de-energized. So what does this mean? Instead of thinking, I want to be in the same space as people, which we physically might not be able to for multiple reasons, you can still have shared experiences, right? You can all be in the same space and on your phones and feel alone. Or you can create a daily activity to do virtually with your friends. You could play a board game over FaceTime. You could have tea time or lunch time together virtually every day. You could work out together virtually, right? It's a shared experience we're yearning for, not shared space. You're not missing people being around you. You may be a little bit, of course,
19:49 Jay Shetty? but what you're really looking for is something to do together. And you can still virtually do those things together. I highly recommend that you take an opportunity to do that because you can still have that exchange of laughing together, of conversating, of creating an environment, right? Creating an environment and experience is not beyond you just because you can't be in the same physical space as people. So I really, really want you to consider that. And see, check, make a workout time every day, right? You can make a meditation time every day. So starting today, actually, and I've probably already done it now, or I might be doing it, at 9:30 a.m. Pacific time,
20:33 Jay Shetty? every day from Friday 20th of March, every single day, 9:30 a.m. Pacific time, which happens to be 12:30 p.m. Eastern time, which happens to be four thirty PM in the UK and ten PM in India. I will be doing a live guided meditation every single day. So no matter how lonely you are, wherever you are, you can tune in with me on Facebook and Instagram Live. I will be there, present with you, guiding you through that activity. And I really, really want you to come and join me. So you never have to feel alone. I'll be there with you every single day for the next twenty days. So from Friday twentieth of March, for twenty days in a row, for twenty minutes each day,
21:17 Jay Shetty? I will be leading a live guided meditation. It's going to be a lot of fun. It's going to be something we can all do together. And it will just help you get into the right mental space. So think about the shared experiences you can still have with people that are going to be really, really powerful and help you think differently. Now, one of the things about the shared experience, to get it right, make sure it's a daily commitment and a time that you can stick to that's realistic. You have to set a time. Second, pick the activity in advance. So you don't turn up on a call and then start, you know, being lost about all the noise that's happening in the world. But you actually know what you're going to be doing. So have an idea, whether you're playing a game, whether you're reading a book with a friend,
22:00 Jay Shetty? whether you're both going to listen to this podcast together. Do it together, even activities that you're used to doing alone. Try and do them with a human exchange of shared experience. And I really believe this, and I said it before, but I want to go back to it. I really want you to think about, what letters can you write to people? Now that you have a bit more time on your hand, what videos? How many more people can you reconnect with? Can you connect with an old friend, maybe that you disconnected with? How can you just take this as an opportunity to value human connection? We don't, we don't always value the fact that we can just walk out and meet someone and spend time with people.
22:43 Jay Shetty? This is that time when we start to realize how valuable our life is. And if you're feeling alone right now, I'd recommend that you join communities, join groups. And some of the best groups and communities to join are communities and groups where you can actually serve, where you can actually have an impact. Because if you're able to do that, then you're going to be surrounded by like-minded people. So there are a lot of communities, a lot of groups right now that you can join, whether it's Facebook groups, whether it's Instagram hashtags, where you can become active and get to know other people in your space as well. I mean, there have been some amazing videos on the internet. There's this one video of a personal trainer going to the top of a roof and doing an activity.
23:26 Jay Shetty? And everyone in that area is now following that personal trainer, right? Like doing the activities from their own balconies. The balconies in Italy where people are singing together. Those are such beautiful moments where we can see that we can still connect virtually and physically, even with a distance. Think of new ideas, think of more fresh ideas, think outside the box as to how you can communicate and connect with people and have a shared experience. Whoever knew that a personal trainer would stand on a roof and lead a workout and everyone could do that workout from their homes? How many people thought that was possible? Whoever thought that people would take their balconies to sing together? No one could have ever imagined this, but these times really show the best of humanity.
24:11 Jay Shetty? They can show the worst of us, but they can also show the best of us. And I think we're seeing beautiful things. And I want you to think about that. What can you create as a shared experience you can do with your family and friends that brings everyone together and makes them feel alive at this time? What is it that you can truly do? And what experience can you give people that will truly transform how they feel right now?
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25:10 Speaker 02 Mr. President, my company for me of the explosion on our rig
25:13 Speaker 03 on October 2nd.
25:14 Speaker 02 Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.
25:19 Speaker 03 Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.
25:26 Speaker 04 What would happen if I stopped going? You start, you freeze to death, that's what.
25:30 Speaker 03 With great power comes great deniability.
25:34 Speaker 04 I'm not the first nanny.
25:35 Speaker 03 Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.
25:40 Jay Shetty? And the third step I wanted to share with you about loneliness is if you can get into nature. Now, if you can't go outdoors, and of course, we are talking about social distancing here, but some of you may actually be closer to nature where you're distanced anyway. I really want you to do three things if you're stuck alone. And if you're stuck in a space alone, and even if you're not stuck in a space alone, this still applies to you because you may just feel lonelier, right? It's important to recognize this, that you may actually feel lonelier even if you don't feel lonely. Because you're used to going out and about. You're used to being at parties. You're used to being at events. You're used to doing all these things. You're used to going to games. You're used to being around friends a lot. So you may feel lonelier even if you don't feel lonely.
26:24 Jay Shetty? So here are some ideas that I really think will help. I call this the three S model. Sights, scents, and sounds. Every day, our mood and emotions are defined by our sights, our scents, and sounds. If you go into any environment, it will make you feel something through its sights, its scents, and sounds. How many times do you walk into a restaurant and you go, "Oh, that smells amazing"? Or how many times do you go into a space and go, "Oh, that smells disgusting"? Or how many of you go into a place and you go, "Wow, I feel so calm just by looking at it"?
27:08 Jay Shetty? Right, just by looking at it, you feel calm and you think, wow, this is so beautiful. Or you walk into a space and you go, oh, I feel like, you know, I just feel chaos here. I just feel like tired by this space. And how many of you hear something and you go, oh, I feel energized all of a sudden? Or how many of you hear something, oh, that gives me a headache? We feel that way with music, we feel that way with sound, we feel that way with everything around us. But yet, most of us are currently looking at the news, listening to the news, and smelling whatever it is. But it's so powerful. When we say to ourselves, okay, let me actually intentionally design my home so that I see things that bring me joy. It might be a painting, it might be some art.
27:53 Jay Shetty? It may be a screensaver on your phone that brings you calm. It may be a screensaver on your laptop or your TV that brings you calm. How can you see more things that bring you calm, peace, and joy? This is a really important thing to change. It could be an object in your home, it could be an object on the table. It could be the first thing you see when you wake up. Is the first thing you see when you wake up, a blank wall on your phone? Or could you see a picture that brings you joy? Could you see a trinket or whatever that just makes you happy and excited? What can you do to change your visual in different places around your home? Don't let your visual just be the news because that visual can be tiring, that visual can be boring, that visual can be repetitive.
28:38 Jay Shetty? What visual can you surround yourself with that just brings you to life? The second thing is your scents, right? Scents, when I say scents, I mean what you can smell. Light a candle, use a diffuser, use some incense if you have some. Whatever scent you can change in your home. It could be the scent you go to sleep to, it could be the scent you wake up in, it could be the scent while you're working from home. That scent will give you so much calm and relaxation. Scents have a huge impact on our mind and how we feel. Create and choose the scents that bring you a natural sense of calm. Right, sense can give you a sense of calm.
29:22 Jay Shetty? Relaxing sense, it could be lavender, it could be eucalyptus. It could be rose, right? Whatever sense that just help you calm your mind and body. Whatever works for you personally, right? And the final one is sound. So, most of us are used to hearing drilling. Most of us are used to hearing chatter and noise. Most of us are used to hearing loud upbeat music that increases our heart rate, that actually makes us feel more stressed. Nature sounds, bird sounds, relaxing ambient music, energetic music, mantra, kiratan, music that soothes and relaxes you is so important. And as soon as you walk into the room,
30:03 Jay Shetty? the sound of a room can transform the environment and energy. And you can do that where you are right now. Make your home a space that gives you energy, not takes it away. And you can design it through sights, sense and sounds. Clean your home, keep everything neat, and then transform it through sights, sense and sounds. Right now, think about the three sights you need to change, the sounds you need to find and the sense you need to create, so that you can start to build that calm. So, if you're lonely or feeling lonelier, remember these three points. The first one is, there's a difference between loneliness and solitude.
30:49 Jay Shetty? Solitude is where you get to know yourself. It's where you get to love your own company and where you still connect with other people in a beautiful way through a note, a letter, a voice note, a video. Number two, remember there's a difference between shared space and shared experience. You may not be able to be with people, but you can still have an experience with people virtually. It's the gift of the times we live in. Just imagine when people have been through things before, they couldn't communicate with loved ones. We can FaceTime, we can video call, we can bring people into chats and groups, whatever it takes to have a shared experience. And finally, change your sights, sense and sounds. It will have a profound impact on how you feel.
31:32 Jay Shetty? Sending you so much love, so much positivity your way. I'm here with you all the way despite the uncertainty. Let's stay together, let's stay grounded, let's make sure that we're investing and taking care of ourselves. And I'll see you again next week with more episodes. Make sure you use this as an opportunity to catch up on older episodes, ones that you want to listen to again. And remember, I have my Genius Coaching Community, which is just phenomenal. We have so much support there as well. So if you want to find out more, head over to jshetty.me/Genius and find out how we're supporting people through our community. I look forward to seeing you all again very, very soon. Take care, everyone. Sending lots of love.
32:23 Speaker 02 Mr. President, not company for me of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is.
32:34 Speaker 03 Digger got us into this mess and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.
32:40 Speaker 04 What would happen if I stopped doing it? You stop, you freeze to death, that's what.
32:44 Speaker 03 With great power comes great deniability.
32:47 Speaker 04 I'm not the first daddy.
32:49 Speaker 03 Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a middle without parent.
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