The Wellness Industry Is a Scam

This week, Alex breaks down how our obsession with perfection can actually turn into a form of self-punishment. She unpacks why constantly trying to improve yourself might be making you feel worse, and explains that not every flaw actually needs to be fixed. She also shares the benefits of dating when you’re still a little unhealed, and why you don’t always have to show up as your best self in relationships. Finally, Alex discusses how to navigate wage gaps with a romantic partner, and what to do when your parents project their own insecurities onto you. Enjoy!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches,

• 0:45Alex Cooper?

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• 1:30Alex Cooper?

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• 2:17Alex Cooper?

  Wanted to first just start this by like checking in with everyone. How are the girls feeling? How are we all doing? I feel like something about January has felt a little more stressful than usual, or at least maybe it's me. Like, I don't know, work has been so insane. I feel like my schedule has been insane. And I really told myself this year that I was gonna hit the ground running. And I started off the year feeling so motivated. I was so excited about the projects that I wanted to accomplish, all the like self-help that I was gonna be doing. I ordered a goddamn journal in December. I was like, come Jan 1, I'm gonna be a journaling girl. And then all of a sudden, life just immediately started to get in the way.

• 2:57Alex Cooper?

  And if I'm being honest, part of me has been kind of just, I don't know. I've been like beating myself up about it because I feel like there's so much pressure in the new year to grind and to do a big life overhaul and be in this new year, new me mindset, as if suddenly there are like now more hours in the day now just because it's 2026. And look, I get it. It is a new year and we have new goals and we wanna build new habits. But it feels like, I don't know, it just feels like you put yourself in this position where like it's time to reset your life this time of year. But I also think this intense focus on becoming your best self, just because it's a different number on the calendar,

• 3:41Alex Cooper?

  it can, it can leave a lot of us feeling like we aren't good enough as we are. And when I get too focused on optimization and hitting next steps and, you know, living for the future version of myself, I notice that I completely begin to lose sight of all the things that are currently going well in my life, right?

• 4:06Alex Cooper?

  I think it's easy for all of us to get trapped in this mindset of once this certain thing happens, then life is gonna fall into place and everything is going to feel great. Once we get a new job or, you know, finish the self-help book or for me, it's like start the self-help book or quit the bad habit or get over the breakup, whatever it may be. We tell ourselves that then we will finally be happy. And ultimately, what I have come to realize is this hyper fixation on self-improvement can

• 4:44Alex Cooper?

  Slowly over time, just be a form of self rejection. I can feel everyone like, okay, you're gonna fucking come guns blazing at us today, Alex. But I think we need to have this conversation because as I've been thinking about it, like, there is no final destination that you are going to reach one day where you feel like you have absolutely all of your shit in life together. That's just never gonna happen. So while yes, working on yourself is amazing and we all want to try to do that. If it comes at the cost of feeling good day to day and feeling good in the present, then I think we have lost the plot a little bit. And I, yes, am taking accountability and also talking about myself.

• 5:26Alex Cooper?

  I'm not just preaching it, you guys. This is something I heavily relate to. And so I want to read an article that I came across. This article is from the Medium by a writer named Leila. And it's called, "You're Allowed to Be Happy Even Before You've Fixed Everything." And here's what she writes. "If happiness required having your life together, none of us would smile again. Because healing, it's not linear. It's not like tripping over the same emotional pothole 15 times and still getting up. You don't have to be in your final form to deserve joy. You're not an app update, you're a human being. So maybe your room is a mess, maybe your goals are in the same folder as your forgotten dreams and unwashed laundry.

• 6:09Alex Cooper?

  Maybe you're still trying to forgive people, including yourself. That is okay. Let yourself be happy in the in-between. Romanticize the tiniest things like putting on fresh socks or hearing your favorite song in public. That stuff counts because life doesn't begin once you're fixed. It's happening now, in the middle of it all. I used to think, how dare I feel happy when I haven't even fixed myself yet? I put joy on layaway, waiting until I fix my flaws or healed from the past or build a life that looks perfect from the outside. We don't always realize how heavy this mindset is, that need to deserve happiness.

• 6:49Alex Cooper?

  It keeps us in a state of quiet punishment, like we have to suffer now to earn peace later. But the truth is, there's no finish line when life suddenly becomes easy and everything makes sense." There will always be something unresolved, some insecurity we still haven't shaken. Happiness doesn't mean you're ignoring the hard parts of your life. It means you're giving yourself permission to experience joy in spite of them. Because life isn't an exam you have to pass before you can finally enjoy it. Guys, I read that and I was like, hmm.

• 7:26Alex Cooper?

  I'm hoping that this isn't just applicable to me because I almost started sobbing when I was reading that. I was like, okay, why is this so relatable? Like, I really wanted to share that with you guys because I think it really, I don't know, it just, for me and I hope for you, it really puts in perspective how much pressure we put on ourselves to fix all of our flaws. And the way that we can obsess over things that we want to change, right? I think the wellness industry has just made this whole idea feel so much more pressing and toxic, to be quite honest, than it ever used to feel. Like wellness culture was originally conceptualized to help us lower our stress.

• 8:05Alex Cooper?

  And now it has turned into a massive industry that is profiting enormously on making us feel like we all need to be fixing ourselves 24/7 constantly. It never ends. Everywhere I look right now, it is 10-step wellness routines. This isn't anything new, right? Like the cold plunges, the red light masks, the under eye patches, the lymphatic drainage, the matchas and the peptides and the Pilates and all the things. And it's like, look, there is a reason we are called unwell over here, okay? It is because that stuff is literally impossible to keep up with. We are all a little unwell and that is okay. None of us are perfect. No one should expect themselves to be perfect.

• 8:46Alex Cooper?

  But the wellness industry is profiting off of convincing us that maybe if we spend $40 on a Pilates class and we chug some frickin' sea moss gel and we buy all natural skincare and we shove coffee animas up our fucking assholes. They're like, no babe, that's actually not a part of the wellness category. I'm like, oh, okay, that's just me, cool. But then, you know what I'm saying? It's like, then maybe we can get to a place where we can accept ourselves. When in reality, This endless seeking for self-care can actually become a form of self punishment. And I think this has really become very apparent to me. And I think when it does become apparent to you, you almost can't unsee it, which I'm hoping this happens for all of you right now.

• 9:31Alex Cooper?

  Like, every single flaw we have has a fix that is being marketed to us. But the truth is, and please listen to me when I say this, not every insecurity is actually something that has to be solved. Maybe solved within yourself of how to embrace that part of yourself. But we don't need to fix it. We don't need to always change things. Wanting to be a better version of yourself is wonderful. And I think it's integral into growing as a human being. But feeling like you're not taking care of yourself properly because you cannot keep up with these insane, unattainable trends is,

• 10:11Alex Cooper?

  I would argue, so much worse for your overall mental health. I saw so many people posting videos online. When everyone was doing the like, you know, new year goals and new year, new me. Or even how about this, when everyone was reflecting on what their year was. And I did see a good amount of people being like, this is making me feel horrible. Like, maybe you had a horrible year. Or maybe you, the biggest thing that defined your life this past year was loss and grief and change. And you don't want to reflect. You want to keep moving forward. And so it's like, but the internet sometimes is forcing us to feel like we are 10 steps behind most people and we cannot keep up and we're not good enough.

• 10:55Alex Cooper?

  And, oh, look, their year was way better than mine. And, oh, wow, they got the job promotion. Wow, they went to, you know, Paris and I didn't even leave. Like, we're just constantly comparing. And I think especially right now in January, we all just need a little PSA reset on what wellness actually is. Because they have a so. Fucked up daddy gang. They have us so believing wellness is something completely the opposite of what it is because you know what wellness first of all, let me just say it doesn't need to cost a million fucking dollars contrary to what everyone is telling you wellness can literally be finding five minutes of quiet in the morning to sip your favorite coffee before

• 11:40Alex Cooper?

  the workday starts or reading a few pages of a book that calms you before bed, lighting a candle, putting on music, sitting on your floor and just stretching. Okay, the stretching one sounds weird. Just did it the other day. I was like, I don't know the last time I've like stretched my body. Did it. Felt incredible. Oh my God. Guess what? Didn't have to purchase an app, didn't have to purchase anything online, didn't have to do it. So we can't just wait until, oh my gosh, I need to be richer and thinner and, and you know, I mean, I need more free time, all of this to reach some other arbitrary threshold to feel like we are allowed to finally start prioritizing,

• 12:21Alex Cooper?

  finding enjoyment in these simple things. Daddy gang, if you keep looking for the when and the where and the thing and the what, you're just going to keep moving the goalpost. You do not need to constantly strive to attain being the best version of yourself. You don't, you just fucking don't. And the reason you're doing it is because of the internet and all of these things that are marketed towards you to tell you to do it. Because what I've come to find is that there is no final benchmark that actually exists in life. You talk to a woman in her 60s, she's still trying to work on it, 70s, 80s. And you know what else it kind of makes me think of as I've been reading articles about this and researching and doing all these things like I

• 13:06Alex Cooper?

  see this kind of same idea come up a lot amongst my friends and myself in the past when it comes to dating.

• 13:15Alex Cooper?

  Everyone's like, oh, fuck. Okay, now you're gonna really hit us hard. Um, yes, I have noticed that this cultural focus on self-optimization is ironically holding some people back from actually having a healthy relationship. One of my single friends and I were discussing this recently because her New Year's resolution is to force herself to go on one date a week and she is not letting herself cancel. Even if she's tired one of the nights, even if she has a zit in the middle of her face, like, whatever, if she's not feeling her best, that's out, like, she's going to force herself to go. And what I specifically like about this concept is that truly the right partner

• 14:00Alex Cooper?

  is gonna see you at your highest highs and your lowest lows. So why do you need to only show up as your absolute best self in the very beginning? Like, listen, I get it when you're going on a first date, like, you're not gonna show up in your sweats and your, like, greasy fucking hair and all that, like, I get it. But there is something to be said of, like, hey, like, I'm so excited to meet you tonight. I'm gonna be really honest, I had a really shitty day at work.

• 14:23Alex Cooper?

  That's probably fucking refreshing, right? Be real. Like, needing to work on yourself, and this is really something I want you guys to listen to, because I wish I had had someone tell me this when I was dating, is like, needing to work on yourself before dating, yes, of course, it can absolutely be great and be beneficial. But it can also, I feel like, end up trying to kind of, it can almost, like, create this type of avoidance at a certain point, right? Like, it almost can, it can hold you back, essentially, is what I'm trying to say. It becomes a problem when it becomes an excuse. That is what it is, right? We've all heard of a guy using the classic line, he's like, oh my god, like, he can't

• 15:08Alex Cooper?

  be in a relationship right now because he just needs to work on himself. How bad when they, like, break up with you and they're like, no, no, it has nothing to do with you, like, I just have to, like, work on myself. And you're like, I'm sure you fucking do, Jeremy. Actually, no, you fucking don't, Jeremy. Just say that you wanna break up with me, like, or with, they're like, hey, sorry, like, I'm just, like, not in the, like, I can't right now because I'm working on myself, I can't be in a relationship. No, if it was the right fucking person, Jeremy would be in your fucking pants, okay? Trust me. But it's like, we let them get away with this.

• 15:37Alex Cooper?

  rationale, I guess, because we're like, oh, that's so sweet. Like, he wants to be a better version of himself before dating anyone. Like, oh, my God. And it's like, no, they're just like trying to get their fucking dick wet with a bunch of girls before he wants to settle down one day with a chick that is 10 times fucking younger than him. Okay. We have to normalize, I think, the concept that you need to be the best, fully healed version of yourself before you start dating anyone. In reality, that's just not true. Dating forces a level of self-reflection that you just don't get on your own. I'm not saying if you are in the worst part of your life, you should be actively like trying to date, but like, at some point, you've got to rip the Band-Aid off.

• 16:19Alex Cooper?

  You don't really discover what you still need to work on when you're sitting alone in your room, journaling, unfortunately. Trust me, I wish that was the case. I wish we could solve all of our problems without a man across from me at the fucking table. But you do discover things when someone doesn't text you back for two days and you start spiraling and you're freaking out and then you're trying to track their location and you're refreshing their Instagram. Then you may realize, oh, wow, I do still have these abandonment wounds that I do need to address, right? Like, that, that deep inner work of crashing out over a situationship, that does not

• 17:01Alex Cooper?

  happen, unfortunately, in isolation. Okay? I wish it did. Sometimes it actually, it takes interacting with people. Sometimes you have to go into the dating world a little unhealed in order to get to the other side of it and actually become a better partner in the future. Again, I just want to make sure and pause that you guys understand, like, I'm not saying be irresponsible. I'm not saying if you have extreme trauma that you're dealing with, I am not saying that, yes, maybe then you're unpacking it and you're trying to then also start dating right now. That is not what you should be fucking doing. But-

• 17:40Alex Cooper?

  Yes, go fucking date people and see what it brings up for you and if anything triggers you and what you learn about yourself. Like, stop hiding and stop using, you know, "I'm just not ready" as an excuse, because what you're really doing is you're just prolonging learning more and more about yourself. And so, I want to end with one more article that kind of drove this idea home for me, and it is titled, "Do We Really Have To Be Healed to Date People?" by Lois Shearing from Cosmopolitan. Okay, here we go.

• 18:28Alex Cooper?

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• 19:10Alex Cooper?

  My Mochi. And when you give me that plus a good chocolate, I'm gonna have that in my freezer. Every single night, I'm gonna pop one in. I am obsessed. I love it so much. Taste the joy with every bite of My Mochi Ice Cream. Look for the green and brown box of My Mochi Dubai Chocolate Ice Cream in the freezer aisle of your local grocery store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get

• 19:52Alex Cooper?

  to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more.

• 19:59Alex Cooper?

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• 20:41Alex Cooper?

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• 21:24Alex Cooper?

  Clear communication, definitely. The most healed version of ourselves? Not so sure on that one. While working on yourself and being aware of your flaws can certainly make you a better partner, what that looks like will be different for everyone. Romantic relationships are not something you have to earn by being a productive member of society with a gym membership and a mindfulness app. In a perfect world, people would fully work through any past trauma or cognitive blocks before wading into the world of dating. But we don't live in a perfect world. So if someone great comes along, it's better to be open and honest about where you're at and just communicate what you have the capacity to offer at this time.

• 22:05Alex Cooper?

  Because what's often left out of the conversation is what it actually means to heal. And perhaps more importantly, what we're supposed to all be healing from. Unlike healing from a wound where there's a clear beginning and end, healing in the dating sentence seems to have morphed into a perpetual state of self-optimization, one where we're trying to heal from the fallibility and messiness of the human condition itself. Here is the secret: you can't get better without other people. You can't think, journal, or meditate your way into trusting people again after you've been betrayed. You have to take the plunge to get proof that other people can be trustworthy. Demanding that people should only date once they've reached a certain level of healing,

• 22:50Alex Cooper?

  one that conventionally aligns with capitalist ideas of success, is a way of trying to protect yourself from the possibility of getting hurt. You are not required to be perfectly healed to deserve love. In fact, you will never be healed unless you get out there and work on your shit with other people. Boom! Guys, I read that and was like, okay. Well, I needed that when I was dating and I hope it's helpful to hear because, look, I'm not saying self-awareness and accountability don't matter in dating, because they absolutely do. And no healing can happen without two elements, right?

• 23:35Alex Cooper?

  But real self-awareness, I feel like, also means accepting that you are a work in progress. Like, don't even get me started about where I was when I first met Matt. Like, if we were going by the standard that you need to be a fully-healed person to start dating, I would be single, in captivity, and the lights would be off and they would board up the windows, okay? I was in no capacity, in a mental, physical, wellbeing standpoint, to start dating my now-husband. So, let me tell you that because I hope it makes you feel more seen in.

• 24:17Alex Cooper?

  We all have childhood shit, we all have trauma, we all have insecurities, we all have fears, we all have things that we don't want to immediately expose to people about ourselves because we're embarrassed or ashamed or whatever it is. But in order to work through that embarrassment and to work through that trauma and that shame, or whatever it is, you need to have interpersonal dynamics that can help you work through these things. We don't live in a society where we all just isolate ourselves. We gain happiness and we prosper by having human connection. Yes, doesn't mean you're not gonna have miserable human connections. Trust me, babe, some of my exes did a real fucking number on me, okay?

• 25:01Alex Cooper?

  But every single person led me to finding my happiness with Matt and finding my happiness within myself. And I'm still working on it. So don't short yourself by thinking you're too much of a project and you're too much to handle and you're too fucked up. You gotta start somewhere. And I agree with, you know, what they were saying in the article of like, of course, there is a responsibility. Like I said earlier, if you are dealing with something traumatic, you don't need to disclose all details, but you could just say, hey, I'm going through a really weird time in my life or a really difficult time in my life and I'm not fully ready to share things yet, but it is really nice to have company with someone and I hope at one point I feel comfortable to open up to you. But yeah, let's go to the movies tonight. Like, don't self-isolate.

• 25:46Alex Cooper?

  It's just gonna make things worse. You can get out there and go on dates, knowing that you've still got some shit to work on. I mean, I can do a whole other Sunday session on how to actually know when you're ready for a real relationship, right? I feel like going out and trying to date versus like really being ready for like a committed relationship, there's kind of a difference. But I don't know, right now, I just wanted to reiterate that you don't need to be the most perfect version of yourself to get to that place. You don't. We do not need to just keep growing and self-optimizing endlessly to be so happy with ourselves. Like, maybe you're just feeling good and the only reason that you're not feeling good is because a bunch of other people around you are making it feel like you gotta keep, we gotta keep evolving, we gotta keep changing.

• 26:31Alex Cooper?

  Like, yeah, to a certain degree, but like, not in every aspect of your fucking life. No matter what you change, some version of all of the shit that you still need to work on, it's always gonna fucking be there.

• 26:44Alex Cooper?

  There is not an end date where everything is just magically perfect. So stop delaying your own happiness because you think you need to change yourself first. Yes, you can do Dry January. I'm personally trying to do it myself and you can do your 75 hard challenges. No, I'm not doing that personally myself. You can grind on your New Year's resolutions. You can prioritize therapy and learning and growth. You can, you can do all these things that you want to do that you think will help you feel your best. But you can also be okay with yourself if none of that stuff happens. Babe, you've gotten this far. Okay, you've gotten this damn far.

• 27:25Alex Cooper?

  So Daddy Gang, I hope that was a helpful little reminder this January that yes, you can work on yourself or you can choose not to, and that is completely fine. Just take some time off. Honestly, I'm exhausted. Stop with the self-reflection maybe for a second. Give yourself a break, right? Or just take the time to acknowledge that the things that you already have, you can be proud of. That's, that's it. That's enough sometimes. So I don't know. I don't know what this means for 2026. I think it means do whatever the fuck you want. Do whatever makes you feel good. Stop comparing ourselves to all of this fake bullshit because let me tell you, as someone who's on the internet, like

• 28:07Alex Cooper?

  half of the time that you see people sharing this shit, they just needed a post for that day. It's like really not that deep, but it is that deep to people who follow these type of people, right? You see this influencer and they're like, these are my goals and this is what I'm doing. And this is my year recap. They're literally just sitting there being like, oh, this is going to perform really well. I'm going to put this up. But you are the one though, that's being impacted by it. So I think we also need to have a level of discernment of like, how much are you allowing influencers and creators and their content to personally impact you? And if it is significantly impacting you, if you felt so horrible at all the 2025 recaps and all of those things in the 2026 goals, like you have to look inward and say to yourself, why is this so triggering to me?

• 28:52Alex Cooper?

  And how can I stop this from impacting me so heavily, right?

• 28:59Alex Cooper?

  Okay, with that, I think it's time that we wrap up this little PSA. And I hope this alleviated a lot of pressure that maybe anyone was feeling because you guys, let me end it with this. I was drunk in London with my husband over the holidays, having such a lovely time. Went to the countryside. Matt was like, do you want to go to the beach? And I was like, no, I want to go live my holiday fantasy. I want to be Cameron Diaz in the rolling hills with wild horses and I want to sit in a cabin and I want to put on my fuzzy socks and I want to sit by a fire and I want to stare at a wall and I

• 29:40Alex Cooper?

  want to get bored. I was like, we need to get bored, Matt. He was like, okay, let's get bored. And so in that boredom, I did allow myself to kind of start to think about what is the next year, you know, what is coming for me? I have so much going on with business that I'm so proud of and so excited about, but I think a lot of times my brain just spirals to like, what's next and what's this and what's that? And I'm, you know, all of it. So then all of a sudden, I'm on fucking Amazon and I'm ordering myself a goddamn journal that looks like it's a journal from like the 1950s. I wanted it to look a little bit like worn in and like vintage, like nothing too cheesy, like really original, right?

• 30:24Alex Cooper?

  And here I am ordering this fucking journal at like midnight as I can't sleep. And then I forgot I ordered it. And then I got home. It was like January 2nd. Prime showed up and I was like, what's the, oh, and you know what I only, the only thing I did? It just made me feel like fucking shit about myself because I was like, bitch, you were never going to write in that journal. You were never going to write in that journal. It was like a fleeting, it's like, kind of like when you go on Pinterest and you have all these ideas of like, I'm going to become the most aesthetic bitch you've ever seen. My aesthetic, I'm going to do a full rebrand, like full rebrand aesthetic and you're like pinning these things and like your fashion and all these things. And then you go to work the

• 31:08Alex Cooper?

  And you put on the exact same slacks and the shirt that you always do. And even though you've got the new outfit, you're like, ooh, like, I'm just gonna like go to like my basics. And you just guess what? Cause that's who you are. We try to like mold ourselves to things we're seeing online and like, ooh, the cool girl aesthetic and this aesthetic. And it's like, just be who the fuck you are, because the minute you start to try to do that things for aesthetic or things that you see people doing, it's a waste of time. It's a waste of time and a waste of money. It's a waste of money that I bought that fucking journal. If anything, now I'm convincing myself like, you will write in that journal, you little fuck bitch. And I'm like, but I don't wanna write in the journal. And it's like, so don't. Don't buy the fucking cool girl boots that you think like, I don't know if I'll wear them a lot,

• 31:52Alex Cooper?

  but I do know I'll get street cred if I wear them. Stop it. Stop it. Don't buy anything for street cred. Don't do anything for aesthetic. What makes you happy? What makes you comfortable? And do that. So should I just like do a giveaway of my journal?

• 32:09Alex Cooper?

  Alright, so we're gonna kick this episode and this year off with a giveaway. I'm no, you know what I'm not gonna do? I'm not gonna do that, cause guess what? Not that I'm not in the giving mood. I don't even want you guys to get a whiff of what the journal looks like. You guys are gonna be like, Alex, you were really, you were really leaning into that cottage core vibe when you were in London? You were trying to be something you're not. And I'd be like, read me to filth, bitch. You're so fucking right. No, the worst too was like, my, um, my husband comes home and Matt goes, what's this? And I was like, nothing, nothing, nothing.

• 32:51Alex Cooper?

  And he was like, what is it? I'm like, it's a journal. And he was like, oh, are you gonna start journaling? And I was like, no. He's like, so why? And I said, just stop. He was like, oh, okay, Alex. I'm like, I'm gonna prove him wrong and just start like spite journaling? No, that goes against everything we just fucking said. Okay, can we just go to France? I need to stop. I'm just gonna keep rambling. Okay, questions of the motherfucking week. I need to answer some of your questions. Let me help you, cause obviously,

• 33:17Alex Cooper?

  you guys just helped me through that. I just need to talk that through. I haven't talked about it yet. I haven't talked about my fucking journal. Everything's fine. Okay, question number one.

• 33:41Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. Okay, I am well into my third trimester now, so I haven't really been able to travel because I need to stay close to my doctor, but spending all this time at home has made me start thinking about all the places that I want to go. Once the baby is here, I have literally been sitting on my couch with the TV on scrolling through Airbnb and planning trips. I am nowhere ready to take yet, but suddenly my vacation priorities, I will say are completely different. Like, does the house have enough bedrooms? Is there a big kitchen? Does the furniture look baby safe? Or is every table covered in, you know, sharp corners? And obviously, we need an extra room

• 34:23Alex Cooper?

  for my mom, who has already made it very clear that she will not be leaving my side. She's like, I got you. I'm the babysitter, okay? And now that it is October, I'm picturing cooler weather, cozy sweaters. Oh, my God, maybe a little cottage where we can escape for a little weekend. That's what I love about booking a home on Airbnb. Whether you're traveling with family, friends, or your partner, everyone has space to relax while still being together. Even if you're traveling for a concert or game, you have one place where everyone can get together and convene after. Before the holiday season gets busy, treat yourself to one more fall getaway and check out Airbnb while you're planning it.

• 35:04Alex Cooper?

  This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. So anytime that I am finding myself having a habit that I just cannot kick, I'm like, okay, I need to talk about this in therapy. Listen, guys, everyone has habits, mindsets, or patterns that don't serve them, but recognizing what they are and learning how to let them go can be so important. It's literally the first step towards creating meaningful change. And therapy with BetterHelp, one of the leading online therapy platforms, can be a space to explore where those patterns come from and develop healthier habits and mindsets for a more fulfilling life. With over 30,000 therapists worldwide, BetterHelp has served millions of people globally. BetterHelp makes it easier to fit therapy into your routine with flexible ways to connect that work for different schedules and lifestyles.

• 35:49Alex Cooper?

  Plus, BetterHelp therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours on hand experience and hold all required education, training, and certifications. You can meet with a range of professionals from marriage and family therapists to social workers and counselors. So Daddy Gang, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/daddy. That's better H E L P dot com slash daddy. Question one. Hey Alex, I love my boyfriend and he's a genuinely good person. But I'm starting to feel weird about our financial dynamic.

• 36:29Alex Cooper?

  I make significantly more money and end up covering most dates, trips, groceries, even random expenses like parking or Uber rides. He always says he'll get me back, but it rarely happens. I don't think he's using me intentionally, but I'm starting to feel resentful. How do you bring this up without sounding cold? Okay, that is a recipe for disaster, whether it's, you know, money or whenever there's just like a clear imbalance in a relationship and it wasn't like a clear boundary that was set of like, oh, you handle this stuff, I handle this stuff. That's just where resentment is gonna build. And especially when it comes to financial, this isn't something to fuck around with. Like, this is a boyfriend, and not to be a dick, but you're like, you don't know if you're marrying this person.

• 37:14Alex Cooper?

  And so to spend an exorbitant amount of money that you're essentially investing in this person and they're not equally participating in some capacity, I worry for you. So I do feel like this is completely valid to write this in. I think you need to set some base level boundaries of what you're willing to cover and you're going to contribute. I think if you can be honest with yourself first, you always have to first, I think, before going to the person, like, what would make you happy? Like, if you're like, I actually am just looking for a thank you. Like, I actually don't care about covering the cost. I just need like, thank yous and more just like, honest, just like, recognition? Great. Or are you like, I'm struggling, I need him to pay 50/50? Or even if you're not struggling, you just want him to go 50/50 with you?

• 37:59Alex Cooper?

  I think you need to know that before you go into that conversation. I also think you need to figure out what percentage you're comfortable with contributing. Like, there's a lot of dynamics if you're gonna live with this person, if you're going to one day marry this person, like, are you gonna pay for the whole fucking wedding? Are you gonna pay for the kids? Are you gonna pay for the house? Money conversations with partners at the end of the day are very, can be very uncomfortable. And if this person has genuine respect for you, I think you need to bring it up. I do suggest, because there could be an element of embarrassment. Maybe he is not comfortable, obviously, with how much he's currently making. I do think you can go in really soft at first and loving, just being like, hey,

• 38:40Alex Cooper?

  I just want to first acknowledge, like, I know this conversation is an awkward conversation. No one likes to talk about money. It's always gonna be a little stiff and awkward, but I really do think we need to have this conversation for the good of our relationship, because I do feel an imbalance and I don't feel like we're in a position where this is being fully, like, fair. And I wanted to just have an open conversation about what I think would work for me. And then I want to hear, obviously, from you what would work for you. But yeah, this doesn't sound like something that is gonna be sustainable unless you have an honest, open conversation. Finances are...

• 39:16Alex Cooper?

  It's harder, it's sex and finances. That's the, I feel like those are the two hardest fucking things to ever talk about. People always struggle with sex and finances. And to talk about them honestly and not to have lies or deceit or anger or resentment, you need to have really clear, open communication. And sometimes it leads to answers that you don't like. But then you have the answers instead of pouring money into this person. And then imagine if he's like, bitch, I never am gonna pay for that shit. Like, you, I'd expect you to pay for all this. Then you're probably gonna break up with him. But you need this intel, okay? We always need the intel, girls. Okay, question two. "Hi Daddy, I'm engaged and genuinely so excited to get married, but my parents, who have had a rocky marriage,

• 40:00Alex Cooper?

  keep making comments about how marriage is very hard. And just wait, it changes everything. I know they think they're being realistic, but it's just starting to feel like they're projecting their own issues onto me. How do I protect my excitement without dismissing their advice?" Okay, I, like...

• 40:17Alex Cooper?

  It is so annoying just past your parents when you're so excited about something and someone had a bad experience in their own life of like, you're pregnant, you're excited about kids, you turn to a fucking woman and she's like, "You're gonna be miserable. You don't want that kid. Oh my god, just wait, your life's about to get hell." And you're literally like, "Thanks cunt, thanks, I'm about to have to push this thing out in four months, but thanks babe." Like, again, you can give advice, but to just be a negative Nancy, same thing if like, if you're gonna go to, like, I don't know, you get into some college or something you've never been excited about, "Oh yeah, my sister went there, she fucking hated it." Okay Becky, good for you, I bet your sister's a fucking whore. And she probably fucked the whole hockey team and then they exiled her from campus.

• 41:01Alex Cooper?

  And, no, I'm just kidding, that's not, Becky can, Becky's sister can do whatever the fuck she wants. Honestly, fuck the whole hockey team slay. But for you, do you know what I'm saying? Stop putting your shit onto other people. So when it comes to your parents, you obviously can't use the like, "Hey mom, you're a fucking whore." We gotta, we gotta dumb it down a little bit here. We gotta kinda go, uh, we gotta go non wrath. Because depending on your relationship with your parents, I would literally just say, "Guys, I know the two of you, turmoil, chaos, you, everything went wrong, right? And you've let me know this my whole life. Please give me a fighting chance to create my own version and my own history and my own legacy, okay? I have learned from you. You guys have so

• 41:46Alex Cooper?

  beautifully laid out how horrible your relationship was, how much you hate each other. I have been very cognizant of that. I have been very mindful of that. And I am trying to forge my own path. And I would love if you guys can support me." Obviously, I'm being like over the top, but you get the sentiment. Love you guys. I appreciate that you're looking out for me, but it's coming off as like, your baggage on to me that like, "I don't, I don't have this baggage yet daddy, okay? Frederick hasn't cheated on me yet dad, like you cheated on mom, okay? So give me a fighting chance. Give me a fighting fucking chance, dad." God, parents are so problematic. Isn't it crazy like growing up, even if parents are problematic?

• 42:29Alex Cooper?

  You're kind of like, ah, but it's like my parent. And then you're just kind of like, yeah, but that's like my parent. And even if you like hate them, you're like, but it's my parent. Then you become an adult and you're like, you guys are so fucking out of pocket, out of control. You guys need to go to therapy. You need to go to rehab. You need to keep 10 feet away from me. I need a restraining order. Like you start to see parents in a different light as you get older. And I think it's for the best. I think it's 100% for the best. It may not be for the best interest of them and the family. But for you, it's for the best. Okay, moving on next. Hey, father, I've gotten really successful in my career and over the past few years with a couple key promotions and raises.

• 43:10Alex Cooper?

  But I've almost been more anxious and more competitive the higher I climb in the ranks. I feel like having this cutthroat job has just made me a meaner, less empathetic person. I don't like how work has taken over my personality. Am I in too deep? How do you decide whether a job is worth it when it's changing you in ways that you don't like? Oh, sweetie, let me try to give you some advice because on one hand, I want to say when you are someone who is capable and smart and determined and you have a vision.

• 43:47Alex Cooper?

  There is nothing better than being rewarded and acknowledged for your hard work. And especially as a woman in any field, you're like, I'm actually succeeding and I'm growing and I'm moving forward. That's incredible. And so it seems like you are clearly a very capable person.

• 44:07Alex Cooper?

  What I understand in certain industries and almost all industries especially is like, it can feel like a rat race. It can feel like it's never enough. It's never good enough. You never did enough work. You can never like, and you're like, I feel drained. And almost when you were at more of a baseline level, there was less to lose. It felt more like, you know, you could see this trajectory and there was more of a climb and you felt more like there were people above you that were, you know, dictating down to you where you're probably now dictating down to people and delegating down to people. So there's more responsibility in your head. But I think what you have to recognize is like, as long as you do the work.

• 44:49Alex Cooper?

  You have to be able to compartmentalize your mental health to work. And if you're not able to do that, I think you should start writing down things of what you love about your job and what you're struggling about with your job, because this could be an easy solve. Again, I don't know you, but like, it could be as much as like, babe, when is the last time you went out to drinks with your girlfriend? Oh, but I stayed three extra hours at work that one day, but you do that every day. You stay three to four extra hours every day. So what if one day a week, every Tuesday, or whatever is that one day of the week that you know is like a little less busy? You always have a set plan that is for you to release, whatever it is. Maybe you get a massage, maybe it's going out with your girlfriends, maybe if you have a partner,

• 45:33Alex Cooper?

  you're going on date nights, you're whatever it is. Indulge yourself, enjoy, like reap the benefits of your hard earned work. And I think if I can relate at all, like that is something that Matt is very helpful to me in where like I have a tendency to just put my head down and be like, I'm, let's just go, let's go, let's go. Because I'll be honest, and I'm sure a lot of people who work hard, you feel this like, it's kind of easier sometimes to not fuck up your flow. It's kind of easier sometimes to just put your head down and be like, oh, I'm in grind mode and you just keep going and actually would, in your head, you convince yourself that I can't, I don't deserve to go to that

• 46:16Alex Cooper?

  dinner, or I can't, I can't indulge in a night out or a Friday of like drinking with my friends and all that, because that's going to set me back, or it's just going to take me out of this bubble and like, I'm in my bubble. Pop the fucking bubble.

• 46:30Alex Cooper?

  You're not going to be able to enjoy your success. I'm sure, like you've said, with these promotions and these raises, you're making more money now, right? Like, you deserve to enjoy what you've worked so hard for. And I always think about this with myself, and I hope this is relatable for you too. It's like, think back to that young woman at that desk who had so many hopes and dreams and was grinding so fucking hard and would probably be like, holy shit, we got to that position? That's your title now? So instead of running away from the challenge, because you wouldn't be in this high energy of an environment if you didn't love it to some capacity. Look inward to find how you can carve out personal moments because and I know that

• 47:15Alex Cooper?

  sounds so simple, but it's not. When you are someone who's a workaholic, who grinds their fucking ass off 24/7, it is harder to disengage from work and pop into a family dinner because then everyone's agitating you sometimes. You're like, you don't even know what's going on with my work. You don't even know how much I have on my project. So sometimes it's easier to self-isolate. Stop doing that. Stop because guess what? The work will be right there when you get back and knowing you, you're an overachiever, you're already ahead on your work.

• 47:58Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real. Okay, we like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit s n h u dot edu slash call her daddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal

• 48:42Alex Cooper?

  touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. The last thing I will say, if none of this was applicable, is you may also just be burnt out and this rat race of a job is not the job for you. And not wanting to push yourself to try to be the president of the company, that's okay. I think sometimes this hustle culture can convince people that you need to be the best at what you do and you need to go for this and you need to make this amount of money. That's not for everyone. There are different people all over the world.

• 49:27Alex Cooper?

  There are people that are like, I want to make this amount of money. I want to live this lifestyle. Great for you. There are people that are like, I will be so happy if I can just make this amount of money and I'm then able to pour this amount into this lifestyle. Great. Who are you? You have to answer that question for yourself first and then you can apply this advice. Are you closer to quitting your job or do you just need more balance? Boom. Okay, last question. Hi Daddy. I need advice on how to handle my mom's constant comments about my weight.

• 49:58Alex Cooper?

  Before I keep reading this, can I just?

• 50:03Alex Cooper?

  My PSA wants to be to all the mothers and the mother-in-laws out there, but it seems as though they can't help themselves, right? Like, you can literally be like, oh, oh, oh, oh. You are such a fucking miserable bitch. Can you stop fucking commenting on my weight? If anything, maybe worry about yours a little bit more, Cassandra. Okay? Maybe worry about yourself, okay? And you want to dig in and you want to make such a backhanded or a straight fucking-handed comment back to her and rip her face off?

• 50:36Alex Cooper?

  But you can't because there's a power dynamic because this is your mother and she's been doing this, I'm assuming, since you were a young girl. This isn't new. This isn't, this isn't new. And so I don't even have the answer yet because I haven't even read your fucking question. I just read the first sentence and I'm literally like, can moms and mother-in-laws stop? How about this also, but it goes back to the, can women stop?

• 51:00Alex Cooper?

  Because I'm assuming this is a projection of your mother. Your mother is self obsessed with weight, so she's putting it on to you and she's only going to make you more self obsessed because she's your mother. And this is the person who raised you. So how could this not rub off on to you, even if you try your damnedest to not let it affect you? I'm so sick of people doing this to their children and then you become an adult and we feel like as adults, it's easy for us to just be like, well, now you're an adult. Just tell your mom, like, mom, stop commenting on my weight. I'm like, yeah, you could tell your mom that. Yeah, you go have a honest, open, healthy conversation with your mother. I'd film it, put it online. We'd all love to actually see if you

• 51:42Alex Cooper?

  are capable, we'd love to actually see. We actually would love, please help us understand because child parent dynamics, even when you're the child and you're 40 and your parents are 70 and 80, it's still the child parent dynamic. It may feel like you're now the parent and they're the child, but it doesn't matter. You came out of them. Okay. There will always be a power imbalance. There will always be a hierarchy. So it is so fucked and unacceptable when parents do this to their children and put them in a position where what do you want your daughter to say? What do you want, Martha? What do you want, Martha? Okay, Martha?

• 52:24Alex Cooper?

  You're sending her down a spiral, Martha. Okay. Do you want to pay for her to go away to a clinic again? No. And guess why she would have to do that? Because you can't stop, you're perpetuating, like, these people are, but it's again, because maybe her mother did it to her. So it's like, we, we, yes, we can have a level of perspective and grace to recognize that mothers probably learned this from their mothers and their trauma. And I've talked about this on colored ID before, and I'm so sorry, I'm not even going to read this comment because this is, this is, this is, yes, this is basically, this is your question. Yes. Okay. My point is this, at some point, we have

• 53:04Alex Cooper?

  Two things. We have to stop the transgenerational trauma and we also have to take accountability of how we let other people's actions and words affect us. And that is the biggest crock of shit. If I'm gonna sit here and be like, so just, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead, Gertrude. Do it, girl. Who cares if your mom told you to lose a couple LBs? You're good. Just ignore her. Put her on ghost mode. Ghost her. Like, okay, that's literally not possible. It is so, it is gonna take years. It is gonna take decades. There are gonna be regressions. You are gonna put up boundaries with parents. You are going to fall back on those boundaries. You are going to get in fights. You are going to placate.

• 53:48Alex Cooper?

  It is, the pendulum for parent and child dynamics is so fucking complicated. And so, when you though are able to even recognize this with your mother right now, my first advice to you is boundary setting and using your voice as a first step to see, does she respect a boundary? If she cannot respect when you ask her to stop inappropriately commenting on your weight, then you are going to have to say, I am no longer comfortable being around you if you are going to do that. Now there you go. There's the next step. Okay, so now you're not gonna see your fucking mom ever again? No, but if she can't respect your boundaries, but you still wanna see her, then you're going to have to figure out a way to navigate,

• 54:33Alex Cooper?

  how can I find a way to not let these comments affect me? Because you can't change, you can't make her change her actions, right? You can try, and if she doesn't, then what's your game plan? And it just goes on and on and on and on. And I'm not to make us all feel horrible, because I'm now like, okay, well, where do we go from here? It's actually, it's actually this. There is nothing more heartbreaking than looking at a parent and saying, I wish so badly you could hear me and you could see me and you could understand what I'm trying to express to you right now. But they're still looking at you like you're a five-year-old kid and they're either gonna grow with you and appreciate and embrace boundaries,

• 55:18Alex Cooper?

  even if it's a little uncomfortable, or they're not. You're then gonna have to take some accountability of how you navigate that dynamic, knowing that these people potentially, and a lot of them, won't change. And that is where it's hard, because I think a lot of us just keep fighting the back and forth. And what really sucks is when you start to go, okay, now it's on you. So don't invite her to the dinner tonight. And let her know it's because you cannot be around her and food at the same time, and that is a boundary. And until she's ready to adjust her behavior, she cannot come to family dinners with you and your husband and the children. Done.

• 55:59Alex Cooper?

  That, now let me say that, makes me wanna crawl out of my skin and fucking die, because to do that to your own mother, you're like, oh my god, she's gonna kill me. But it's your life. When does it not become your mom's life and it's your life, right? So, guys, I could do a whole fucking episode on

• 56:16Alex Cooper?

  parent dynamics with children, and I think we're all probably daddy gang getting to that age, where we're more getting to that point where you're like, I'm kinda becoming the parent of my parents, right? And how does that feel? And how do you navigate that? I think there's so many really tough dynamics that I empathize with you guys and I see you guys, because it's like, this is, that's one of the hardest. It's harder than a romantic relationship most of the time, right? Cause that power dynamic has been since you opened your fucking eyes and you took your first fucking breath on this earth. They have, not saying it's manipulative, but just conceptually, if you're thinking about romantic and things can be toxic, they've had your claws in you since you were a fucking fetus.

• 57:03Alex Cooper?

  Jerry's known you for fucking two months, okay? You're like, I can't get out of this toxic relationship. Jerry has just been like, Bob, I'm like, babe. He's known you for two fucking months, okay? Mama bear over here, she's known you for 32 fucking years. She is the master of all masters when it comes to toxic manipulation. But yeah, Jerry's child's play, honey, okay? Jerry doesn't have shit on Ruth, okay? Ruth, Ruth knows how to get in there. Ruth knows your trauma. Ruth knows what you were insecure about. Ruth knows how to get in there. Ruth knows everything. Jerry? Jerry just told you your fucking pussy smelled once and you were like, Jerry? Like, no. When you have a fucked up mother or mother-in-law, oh, boys start to look like fucking pennies.

• 57:47Alex Cooper?

  You're like, babe, can you shut the fuck up? I'm dealing with a war over here, okay? You're on the fucking playground, okay? I don't even care about this. This over here with the mothers and the fathers? Oh, that shit, that shit fucking stings. So anyways, um, bye. No, guys, I'm not gonna leave you hanging. I feel like even if you don't want it, I promise you, I will do an episode about parents and parenting your own parents as we get older and all those things because that is, um, that couldn't be more fucking relevant to, I'm assuming, a lot of you right now.

• 58:30Alex Cooper?

  So, I love you guys so much. 2026 is the year of growth, if you want it. If you want to do it. If not, totally regress, totally text him back, totally unblock all the X's and just get back into your old rosters. Like, do whatever the fuck you want, okay? Ignore social media, fuck all of those people that are making, like, guess what? It's, most of it's all fake, okay? I know a lot of these people, trust me, it's all fake, okay? So, um, enjoy your fucking 2026. Don't, don't put a lot of pressure on yourself and pop the puss and happy fucking New Year, bitches. Love you, bye.

• 59:19Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Pandora Jewelry. I love to accessorize my outfits with jewelry, obviously, and I feel like all the time, depending

• 1:00:02Alex Cooper?

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