Rainn Wilson on How To Heal Your Mind With Gratitude, Service & Spirituality EP 1431

https://lewishowes.com/mindset - Order a copy of my new book The Greatness Mindset today! Rainn Wilson is a three-time Emmy nominated actor best known for his role as Dwight Schrute on NBC’s The Office. Besides his many other comedic and dramatic roles on stage and screen, he is the co-founder of the media company SoulPancake and host of the docuseries Rainn Wilson and the Geography of Bliss, coming 5/18/23 on Peacock. Rainn is the author of Soul Boom: Why We Need a Spiritual Revolution, The Bassoon King: My Life in Art, Faith, and Idiocy, as well as SoulPancake: Chew on Life’s Big Questions, a New York Times bestseller. He lives in Oregon and California with a lot of animals, his wife and son. In this episode you will learn,How to embrace your own definition of spirituality and use it to serve the world. Rainn’s personal healing story and how looking inward has changed his perspective of the world. Why gratitude affects every aspect of our daily lives and how to lean into it. What questions we should ask ourselves before embarking on our own spiritual journey. Some of the greatest lessons Rainn has learned about love, spirituality, and staying authentic to himself while playing one of the most popular characters in TV pop culture history. For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1431 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Lewis Howes?

  My friend, I am such a big believer that your mindset is everything. It can really dictate if your life has meaning, has value, and you feel fulfilled, or if you feel exhausted, drained, and like you're never going to be enough. Our brand new book, The Greatness Mindset, just hit the New York Times Bestseller back-to-back weeks. And I'm so excited to hear from so many of you who've bought the book, who've read it and finished it already, and are getting incredible results from the lessons in the book. If you haven't got a copy yet, you'll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward. This is the book I wish I had when I was 20, struggling, trying to figure out life. 10 years ago, at 30, trying to figure out transitions in my life,

• 0:45Lewis Howes?

  and a book I'm glad I have today for myself. Make sure to get a copy at lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get your copy today. Again, lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get a copy today. Also, the book is on Audible now, so you can get it on audiobook as well. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  I do believe in God. I believe that there is an incredible divine force out there for us to tap into, and that is the source of love itself. I would equate God much more to just the force of love, which is synonymous with the force of gravity, than any kind of like guy or dude or deity.

• 1:32Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 1:56Lewis Howes?

  Before we got on here, we talked about what would make this powerful. And you said, you know, diving into personal authenticity, really diving into more personal matters. I'm curious.

• 2:08Lewis Howes?

  When was the most pain that you faced emotionally and internally in the last decade? Was it during the pandemic? Was it when you were on, you know, The Office? Was it after The Office? Was it before then? When was the time where you felt like, maybe I should be really happy? But actually, I'm going through some challenge, some suffering, some identity crisis.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  I love that question. I love that question. I really, really love that.

• 2:35Lewis Howes?

  Let's go, baby.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  I will say that so many lights went off in my brain when you asked me that. And because I think it's really important, you know? If you're seeking greatness, it's super important to say like, like, like you said, to try and be authentic. I was not always authentic. I was a boy artist.

• 3:00Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 3:00Speaker 01

  For through most of my life.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  I was an addict. I was a people pleaser. I just wanted to entertain. I was like the class clown. I just wanted people to like me.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  And I was in constant comparison with other people. So that's something that I've struggled with.

• 3:21Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 3:21Speaker 01

  Really is trying to bring as much authenticity and integrity to my interactions as possible. And to be vulnerable. Because if you want greatness, and I've just been reading and listening to your book and really enjoying it. And I'm going to switch the complimentary tables on you and just say, what I love about your book is there's no bull. And here are like takeaways, like you, you, you want to do this? Here's what to do. Nothing vague in the book at all. Like here's hooks you can hang your hat on. And I just picture like. Some young dude trying to make a difference and your book is like a bible, you know? And I, and I really, I really mean that.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  Thank you. I've read a lot of like books that are, I won't say that it's not self-help, but like motivational. Uh huh. Like motivational kind of leadership, entrepreneurship or whatever. Yours is bigger than that and I, and I really appreciate that. But I do think that when we talked right before the interview, uh, I was saying like, sometimes messages don't get through unless you're really vulnerable. And unless you're just as real as possible because there's a lot of those folks out there aspiring to some kind of greatness and some kind of motivation and, and leadership that, that are struggling. Yeah. And they have character defects and they get sad some days and some days they wake up and they don't want to do a cold plunge at 6 a.m.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  And they don't want to do a Tony Robbins three hour workout and a, you know, like a Mark Wahlberg. 4 a.m. 4 a.m. Yeah, like, um, protein all day, like it, it, it's hard, you know? So I think it's important to talk about like the struggle. So you, you're leading off with the struggle. So. When was the time that was the hardest for you? Well. In the last decade? I'm in, but I'm gonna, I'm getting there, I'm getting there. You let me, I'm gonna get there. Simba, I got you. No, I'm, I'm there. But I will say that two things before the last decade. So my wife and I have had a lot of struggles and a lot of up and down, ups and downs over the years. That was some hard stuff, but that was thankfully a while back.

• 5:27Speaker 01

  But also like, and I've been thinking about this too, like when I was on The Office and I had the first, I had been acting for 15 years professionally and then all of a sudden I was on The Office. We almost got canceled like a dozen different times and then all of a sudden we take off, we win the Emmy, we're a top 10 show. It becomes, you know, everyone is getting movie deals out of it. And, and I, and I remember back to that time and how kind of sick I was that I didn't have the spiritual tools that I needed and the psychological tools and resilience that I needed to go through that. Fame is, is a very weird thing. That'll fuck you up, number one. Number two, um, I wasn't happy with what I had. I mean.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  Like to go from total obscurity to be kind of a weird looking goofy character actor and all of a sudden get the role of a lifetime and be lauded and loved and winning awards and whatnot. Like, that's enough, Rain. If I could go back in time to those early years of The Office, you know, 2006, 7, 8. And I was always, and I was like, but I want more. I want, I want a movie career like Jack Black has, or Will Ferrell, or I want, you know, this, or I want my own media company, or I want my own success here, or my own development deal here. I want to be the spokesperson for this. Like, I want more money here. Like, like, what, when is it enough? Like, when is it ever just enough? And I wish I could have just taken a deep breath and be like,

• 6:58Speaker 01

  this is enough. This is great. I get to do 22 episodes a year, this amazing character. I'm making a really nice living. I won't say like, I've made it. I want to do more creatively and from a business standpoint. But I wish, so when you, when you asked me that, I think about those really troubled times that I should have been enjoying. And I wasn't able to go to gratitude.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I enjoyed my time on the set and with the cast. They were amazing. And we all got along great. And I love each and every one of them. We were like this wonderful family. We weren't even a dysfunctional family. We were a pretty functional family. Right, right. Like, we'd come in every day and we would make comedy and get along and high five each other and, and eat too much from craft services. But yeah, so I was thinking about that. But then I'm gonna, I'm gonna go there. And there's a chapter in the book, and it's called Death and How to Live It. And my dad dying two and a half years ago, right after COVID started, was really devastating for me.

• 8:06Speaker 01

  My mom left me and my dad when I was about a year and a half. So I I stayed with him my whole life. So my primary bond, I didn't get to know my mom till I was like 15. So my primary bond was with my dad.

• 8:20Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  It was always there for me. We had our ups and downs. We had our struggles and we bumped heads a lot and we didn't see eye to eye a lot. But it was um, it was really devastating at a core level to lose him. And it kind of shifted a lot of things about my perspective about life.

• 8:37Lewis Howes?

  What was the biggest lesson he taught you while he was here? And the biggest lesson he's taught you since transitioning into a different way?

• 8:48Speaker 01

  Um, you're gonna make me cry, Louis. Um, I will say that.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  Two lessons. One is my dad, when he came into a room, always made it a better place.

• 9:03Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 9:04Speaker 01

  He would always have a positive thing to say. He would always uplift someone. He would tell a joke. He would inspire. He would compliment like, that's a great jacket and oh, I love your office and all the light bulbs are great. And so nice to meet you guys behind the camera. Where are you from? Like, he always had um, some way to uplift every room he came in. And and you know what? And again, I didn't really appreciate that until he was gone. And when I was thinking about eulogizing him, I was like, what is the single thing? That if I could point to one thing that my dad did consistently that made the world a better place? It was, it was, he uplifted every room he went into. And that was, that was really special.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Um, sometimes I'm able to do that, but sometimes I'm. Uh, and the other thing, and I put the inscription of of my book and I said, dedicated to my, to my father, and I said, thanks for teaching me about the soul.

• 10:03Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  And. I feel like my dad had a deep understanding from his faith that we are spiritual beings, having a human experience, that our reality is spiritual. We are heart-based beings. And we're in this physical world. We get 80 or 90 years. He got 79 years. To go around the sun and to do the best with what we got and to try and leave the world a little bit better than when we came into it. And that perspective has stayed with me my whole life. And I went through a time when I was an atheist and I had rejected

• 10:48Speaker 01

  faith and, and all of that nonsense and, you know, religious BS and, and whatnot. I didn't want anything to do with that for, for a good decade and a half. But I, I did always kind of keep with me that, that idea that we are essentially are spiritual beings.

• 11:09Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. What would you say that's the biggest lesson he's taught you since transitioning?

• 11:15Speaker 01

  Well,

• 11:18Speaker 01

  that lesson was driven home when I saw him on the table of a hospital bed. And it was just like one of those medical shows where they were doing open heart surgery and he had, uh, had to do quadruple bypass and they have to take a vein to put it in. And they couldn't find a vein that wasn't affected by his arterial sclerosis. So he was 12 hours and they couldn't save him.

• 11:47Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  And

• 11:48Lewis Howes?

  You were there for it?

• 11:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:49Lewis Howes?

  Like have parts of it or a couple of it?

• 11:51Speaker 01

  It was, it was the weirdest thing because it was during COVID. You could only have one guest, one visitor. So I went in in the morning before the surgery and we hung out for like an hour. I was sure he was gonna, if this, this operation has a 90%, 95% success rate.

• 12:04Lewis Howes?

  So you're like, he's, I'll see him soon.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  I'll see you soon.

• 12:07Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  And I literally was like, I literally hugged him. We were visiting. I was like, you're gonna be great, dad. Love you. I went and played pickleball.

• 12:16Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  I went to Hobby Lobby.

• 12:19Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  And like, and then all of a sudden we're like, I wonder how that's going. And then we got a very concerned call at like 12 or one o'clock and, and we're like, oh. And then we had to wait another six hours before we kind of found out. The situation and um but he was still barely alive but losing his blood pressure and he had some kind of blood sepsis and and it was a kind of thing of like deciding to Oh man. Unplug him but the doctor was like, listen, he's gonna be dead within the hour. And it was like one of those hospital shows where it's like squeaky doctor shoes on the linoleum floor and White coats and gloves and masks. Beeping machines and beep beep and that ventilator is going

• 13:06Speaker 01

  No way. And it was um incredibly sad. It was weeping and but what is the what is the kind of bounty that comes out of it? What's the takeaway? Um, his body is lying there on the table and I see little things about him, the way his hair sticks up here and there and the way his ears are and his kind of ruddy cheeks and this kind of old man hands and and and I and it hit me like, oh, that's not my father.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  That's not my father. That is the vessel that carried my father for seventy nine years. I'm looking at this vessel once the heart had stopped. And but that's not the reality of who he is. And that goes hand in hand with that lesson. So that's what he's kind of taught me upon his passing. Uh, again, just really solidify that. The light that we all have, the the emotion, the the love that we bring, the you know, that the the spirit that we bring to interacting with one another. That's our reality, you know?

• 14:27Speaker 01

  This body houses us and we should take care of it and maximize it and and love it and it's part of who we are, but it's not all of who we are. Wow.

• 14:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's interesting. I lost my dad last year and it was it's been an interesting year of knowing that he's no longer physically in this world. I don't know if that's something that you've been experiencing. It's like, okay.

• 14:55Speaker 01

  Do you get a thing? Sometimes you're like, I'm gonna text my dad or I gotta call him and you and you think about it and then you're like.

• 15:01Lewis Howes?

  I wanna, well, here's the thing. I had a, you know, it's kind of a tragic experience because he had a a car accident, I guess 18 years ago now that he had a severe brain trauma.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 15:12Lewis Howes?

  So he was in a coma for a few months after that. He eventually woke up. He shouldn't have made it, but he survived. And he kind of lived 17 years, you know, in his home, watching TV, and that was it. Because he didn't have the ability to work anymore. He lost his memory. He wasn't, he could walk and talk some, but it wasn't, wasn't the same.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:33Lewis Howes?

  So it was like, he always had to ask me, wait, didn't you go, didn't you play football? Even though he was at every football game. He, you know, he'd forgive me, my name sometimes, and just kind of have to like, remind him every time you saw him.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 15:47Lewis Howes?

  Telling him the same story where he'd be like, oh, yeah, that's right. He just didn't have the spirit that he once had. And so it's, it was, it was kind of a 17 years of a loss. He was physically here, but but emotionally not here. And then when he passed, it was almost like I finally could grieve for the first time because I wasn't able to really grieve him not being around, but physically being here. Because I didn't have those conversations with him. So that was, that was challenging. I almost have more peace now that he has passed, but it's, I still look back at my 21 year old self in sadness for him that he didn't get to have really the father that was there for him.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  And how much did that motivate you that he was in this kind of half-life in a way?

• 16:33Lewis Howes?

  It, when it happened, I was, I was, um,

• 16:38Lewis Howes?

  I had just gotten through an injury playing college football. The day, the, the, the night he got in the accident, the next day I had a football game. And we didn't know if he was alive or dead. And so my siblings were like, I was like, what do I, what do we do? He was in New Zealand. I was in Ohio. He was on vacation. And I was like, do I play? Do I not play? Like, what would he want me to do? I don't know. Ended up playing on the second to last play of the game. I, I broke three ribs actually in that game. And I thought, okay, my season's over. I don't know if my dad's alive still or if he's dead. What do I do now? When he came back, I got very clear that life is finite. Like it could happen in a moment like this. Like I got injured, my career could be over in a moment. He got injured, his life could be over in a moment.

• 17:24Lewis Howes?

  So I made a decision that day that I'm always going to go after my dreams. Um, no matter what, and I'm going to, I'm going to do the best to have joy in my life and fun in my life and play. So I went after everything. And even though I was afraid, I didn't let the fear hold me back because I was like, my dad was larger than a life. And if this could happen to him in a moment, then if my life is over tomorrow, at least I want to enjoy this day, in this moment. And so it gave me a lot of permission to go after what I wanted. Now, for a couple of years after football was done, I was living on my sister's couch for a year and a half. And I had, I had no way to make money. I was struggling in 2008. I was broke. Hadn't graduated college yet. You should have called me, man. I was on the office then. There we go. I wish I'd have known you then. Yeah.

• 18:11Lewis Howes?

  And, um,

• 18:14Lewis Howes?

  I remember, um, I, here's the thing about, I guess, losing my father early on.

• 18:22Lewis Howes?

  There was no one to rely on. There was like, I had to step up into becoming a somewhat of a man for myself at that point in terms of like, okay, I've got to learn how to make money. I've got to learn how to do my taxes. I've got to learn how to do these things. I can't just ask my dad for money as a 22 year old anymore. And so in a way, it gave me courage and permission to kind of do the thing that I'm doing now. I don't think I'd be doing what I'm doing if he didn't get in that accident then. I don't think I ever had the courage. And so in some ways, I think it was meant to happen. Wow. And, um, before he left, the day before he left, I was sitting with him and there was something off about him. It was really weird. I'd never seen this. And it was almost like he knew this was going to happen. Wow. And he told me before he left, I'm going to go on a spiritual journey.

• 19:07Lewis Howes?

  And it was kind of weird because I was like, huh, okay. Yeah, have fun, Dad. Like, you're going to New Zealand. You've wanted to do this for a while. He's like, yeah, but I'm gonna take my books. I'm gonna practice. And I go deeper into my books on a spiritual journey. Bible and the science and health, which was what I was practicing, Christian Science at the time. I was like, I hope you have a great time.

• 19:26Lewis Howes?

  And so when I got the call that he got in his accident, I was like, yeah, I think he predicted this. And we all needed to go on this kind of spiritual journey in this material world when this happened. But it's been interesting since his passing. Cause it feels weird not being able to know that my father is here. And it sounded like you had a pretty good relationship with your father, right? For for many years or?

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, we did.

• 19:52Lewis Howes?

  At least you were in conversation and?

• 19:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:54Lewis Howes?

  And so when you have that, and then there's a loss, or it's not there anymore.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:58Lewis Howes?

  How have you been able to spiritually and emotionally cope with that loss physically?

• 20:07Speaker 01

  You know, it it really has to do with grief and and the grieving process, which is not something we talk a lot about in Western culture. But it's just, it's, I had to learn how to grieve. So, you know, this good year and a half after he died, I would just sometimes burst into tears. Um, I'll never forget, my assistant just came by my office once and I I just had seen some picture of him or something like that. I was just sobbing. My assistant walked in and he was like, hey, do you wanna? Oh, and it's like, it's like, I'm like, it's okay. I'm just crying because my dad died. He's like, okay, I'll come back. I'm like, it's all right. I'm like, oh, oh, oh.

• 20:47Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  But you grieve so that you can go through, you know? And if you don't grieve and you don't learn how to grieve, you get stuck. And that's a good life lesson. Put that in your next book and smoke it.

• 21:01Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  But I think that there's a lot of truth to that, like. We have to, in fact, I had, I've been playing a lot of tennis and I'm on this like USTA tennis team and we compete and stuff like that and I'm not very good, but I'm getting better. But I remember this, taking lessons with this tennis teacher named Zach Kleiman and he's here in LA and we actually interview him in the Geography of Bliss show, because we do an episode in LA. And, and he said like, every mistake you make, like you, you know, you've got a clear ball and boom, you hit it in the net or something like that, like grieve it. Like grieve.

• 21:42Lewis Howes?

  The loss.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  Grieve the loss.

• 21:43Lewis Howes?

  The miss.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  Grieve the miss.

• 21:45Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 21:46Speaker 01

  And he's like, feel it. And then you're through it and then you're on and then you're like, okay, what can I improve next time? And then you're on to the next thing. But if you skip the grief, I, you can get, you can get stuck, you can get blocked in a kind of like a, a muscular self-will, but there's something about like, oh, I got it, I got it. Ah, okay. What did I do? Oh, I took my eye off the ball or oh, I didn't go low to high or I, I got ahead of myself, you know, just keep breathing. Okay, I got this one. And then you're back and you're, and you're ready to go. But his philosophy is.

• 22:23Lewis Howes?

  That's interesting.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  To grieve the mistakes.

• 22:26Lewis Howes?

  Do you think you understood how to grieve when you were kind of rising to fame with the office and kind of those years with those seasons? Did you understand grief?

• 22:37Speaker 01

  I didn't, I didn't understand that. And.

• 22:39Lewis Howes?

  How did you process frustration, pain, anger?

• 22:43Speaker 01

  Not very well. Yeah, I didn't process it very well. I had a lot of addiction issues in my twenties and went through drug and alcohol phase, porn phase, kind of anything that could kind of help me cope and help kind of medicate.

• 23:01Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Discomfort and pain I used for a long period of time until I really. Have been, you know, in active like therapy and recovery and and all that nonsense for a good while now. And, you know, it's so interesting because when you choose to be an actor, you're signing up for disappointment. So if you're an accountant, not much disappointment. Every, every life comes with disappointments, but you're going to have your, you know, 27 clients or your 12 clients or whatever. And you can have a successful business for 50 years and just be a good accountant and you won't. But actor, you're constantly putting yourself out there like, hey, I'm auditioning for this.

• 23:40Lewis Howes?

  Pick me, choose me.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  Pick me. Here's the script or hey, can we get this or and then you do get to make, you know, a movie or something like that. And then it gets canceled or it bombs or and I've been involved in plenty of those. So it's, it's been an interesting learning dance and it's took me until, oh, I don't know, my mid, late 40s to kind of learn.

• 24:02Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  How to live with a kind of constant disappointment.

• 24:07Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  And frustration. And so this lesson comes back, which is grieve the disappointment, feel disappointed, feel frustrated, be, ugh, like, you know, and then, and then, and then move on. Like, and then how do we fix it? But you have to, you have to go through that feeling before, before you move on, I believe.

• 24:30Lewis Howes?

  What is, I mean, what was it like not being famous and then being famous? And were you happier before or happier after?

• 24:41Speaker 01

  That's so interesting. It's for someone who has had, you know, addiction issues and alcohol issues and, and then kind of a messed up family situation.

• 24:56Speaker 01

  And essentially spending most of my adult life feeling unlovable. And then you get on a TV show. And then the weirdest thing happens, Louis. All of a sudden, I'll never forget it, like getting famous from The Office, like, people coming up and going, I love you.

• 25:13Lewis Howes?

  You're like.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  So like they're touching you and they're grabbing you, like, I love you.

• 25:18Lewis Howes?

  Take photos of you.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  Oh, I love you. My daughter loves you. My son loves you. We love, like, there's all this, but it's not really love. They really love getting entertained by the character that I play, which is one small cog in this big machine called The Office. So that is a, that is a mind trip. I would say, um, if you were unhappy and you are wired for unhappiness and you are making life choices that kind of keep you in an unhappy mode, ungrateful mode, uncontent mode, a discontent mode. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are. You're gonna be unhappy and discontent and imbalanced.

• 26:01Lewis Howes?

  Even if you're famous and have money and people want opportunities with you and you have more followers and all that stuff.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  We think that that's gonna solve our problems. And guess what? That kind of contentment, that kind of like true, that solidity of well-being, it can't be fixed from anything outside of yourself. So I was discontent and unhappy and a scrappy unemployed broke actor. You know?

• 26:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 26:26Speaker 01

  And trying to make my next rent. In fact, I would say about, um, I don't know, nine months before I got cast on The Office, like, we were so broke that I had to pay rent by putting it on my credit card. And, uh.

• 26:45Lewis Howes?

  Was this 2005, 6?

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, four, four. That was, that was like late 2003, early 2004. And, um.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  Uh, and uh, so if you're discontent, you'll be happy no matter what the circumstances. So then I become famous and then I have all this money and uh, uh, and movie opportunities and lots of doors opening for me. All of a sudden, for the first time in my life, you know, heads of movie studios are like, we want to really meet with Rainn Wilson. We love his stuff and maybe there's a movie he can do like, um, so those doors started to open. But if you're in chronic discontent and feeling like I don't have enough, I am not enough and I don't have enough, it doesn't matter what comes at you. You can all of a sudden say, someone can come up and say, by the way, you're the king of Scotland. Uh, we just found the paperwork. Here's the king. Here's your own kingdom and here's

• 27:38Speaker 01

  a billion dollars. Good luck. Like you would find a way to be unhappy.

• 27:42Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  So.

• 27:43Lewis Howes?

  So are you more unhappy happier before when you were paying rent on a credit card or happier after?

• 27:48Speaker 01

  I was equally unhappy.

• 27:49Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  I was equally unhappy. So, um, I tell you, it was nice to pay off my student loans and it was nice to have a little money and I'm not going to lie. That's an important part of the deal is to when you don't have to worry about when and how you're going to pay bills and I know you've been there. That's a big.

• 28:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's nice.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  That is a big deal. Um, some happiness experts are kind of like, oh, none of that matters. Like, no, it matters.

• 28:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, of course.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  Um, but yeah, I was, I would say if you looked at me, you know, two thousand one, two thousand three, I was pretty unhappy and dissatisfied. And then I got the office and there was a big rush. But if you cut, cut into me in two thousand six, seven, eight, right in there, nine, um, those were some pretty unhappy years at the same time. Yeah.

• 28:38Lewis Howes?

  So on a scale, let's call it the, uh, the self-love inner peace scale.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:43Lewis Howes?

  One to 10, one being miserable and zero happiness and 10 being total peace inside of self-love. Where were you before and after?

• 28:52Speaker 01

  I would say I was at a three and then maybe two, a four or five.

• 28:58Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  Once I was well-known and then, and then it's, it's been a long struggle and, and now I, you know, I'm doing much better.

• 29:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Where would you say you are now?

• 29:07Speaker 01

  I would say it's a daily struggle and I have to do daily work, but I'm, I'm really at an eight.

• 29:13Lewis Howes?

  That's great.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  Maybe a nine. Yeah, I'm.

• 29:15Lewis Howes?

  When do you feel the most loved and the most enough?

• 29:20Speaker 01

  I think in my contemplation practice, my mindfulness practice, my meditation practice,

• 29:32Speaker 01

  I I view meditation as something like when your computer is acting all funky and you have to reboot it and like the apps aren't working right and the pages and and then you reboot it and go

• 29:45Speaker 01

  and then all of a sudden like it's moving smoothly again like my meditation practice allows me that. I also combine that with a prayer practice. I do believe in God. I believe that there are there is an incredible divine force out there for us to tap into. That is the source of of love itself. I would equate God much more to just the force of love, which is synonymous with the force of gravity than any kind of like guy or dude or deity or some old man with a beard or someone, you know, like a Marvel superhero shooting their sure, sure. You know, like I'm gonna give Louis this thing and I'm gonna give him this parking spot. I'm gonna give her cancer and like like

• 30:32Speaker 01

  so when I'm able to kind of tap into that force of love, when I'm able to

• 30:38Speaker 01

  you know, Annie Lamott, a great thinker and writer, humorist. She wrote a book called Help, Thanks, Wow. And those are the three prayers: help, thanks, and wow. I think it's so brilliant. I love that book so much, so simple. But when you're connecting with that great spirit, like help, like, hey, I could really use help with this. I'm struggling with this. Perfectly okay. And thank you. Thank you for what I have. Thank you for the gratitude. And then just wow, like the miracle of being alive, the miracle of everything.

• 31:12Lewis Howes?

  Wow. What do you wish people knew about money, fame, and success? And also how to create and feel enough and happy with all three of those as well?

• 31:28Speaker 01

  Well, if I knew the answer to that, I would write my own bestselling book, Louis.

• 31:32Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like you've... So that's a constant journey for you to figure out how to manage those things and also find that peace and happiness and self-acceptance for yourself? And also, I'm curious, do you feel like there are

• 31:47Lewis Howes?

  anyone in Hollywood or any celebrities with, you know, fame and money and success who have mastered this? And also finding like true deep sense of, I am enough. I don't need to compare myself to others and one up everyone else in Hollywood or in the success world. I have enough, I am enough, I'm becoming more, but I don't need it to feel more enough.

• 32:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. Some of the most unhappy people I've met have been multimillionaires in Hollywood. And on both sides of the cameras, like directors, writers, actors, big stars, agents. A friend of mine told me like, if you're ever in an airport and you're just looking for the gate of people flying to LA and you didn't look on the board, just look for the gate with the most beautiful people who also look the most miserable.

• 32:39Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  It's kind of true.

• 32:41Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's so much to talk about, to unpack around that. I mean, gosh, I think that number one, it's really important to understand, for people to understand that there is a lot of struggle going on and people might really present well on social media and on talk shows and in their books and whatnot. But people are struggling and, you know, big, I'm not saying I'm a big star, but like big stars that I know that are, you know, very successful. They really have struggles, they've struggled in interpersonal relationships and endowed and self-esteem. And I feel like the road to self-love is just a road through struggles.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  You know, this brings me to this Buddhist idea, and I talk a lot about this in Soul Boom. I reference Buddhism a lot because I've learned so much from studying it. But the Buddha has, as you know, the Four Noble Truths, which are kind of the foundation of Buddhist thought and the elimination of suffering. So one of the key, not the only thing the Buddha came for, but the Buddha came to help relieve suffering. So life is suffering. That's the number one truth. Life is suffering. It's interesting because in Sanskrit, the word is actually dukkha. I don't know if I'm pronouncing it right. But dukkha means dissatisfaction. It means, it means struggle, conflict, overwhelm,

• 34:12Speaker 01

  light, pain. It's like the, it's just the pain of being alive. So I would interpret it as saying like, life is about the pain of being alive. And when you know that, I find that very helpful to me. When I, when I come back to that, I'm like, I'm struggling. I'm disappointed here. I wish this outcome had been different. Oh, I didn't get that job. And then, but when I can come back to like, oh, but that's what life's all about. So what do I do now? Like, oh, am I clutching? Am I grasping? Am I wanting to control outcomes? And I'm, am I wanting people to like me? Am I wanting all this stuff outside of me? And I'm desperately grasping at all that stuff? Oh, that's the source of my suffering.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  Because when you're in that kind of Zen mode, you can be like, oh, life is suffering. And, and guess what? All these things didn't happen and I get to feel disappointment. It's like a breath, you know, it's like in the tennis game. It's like, ah, disappointment breath and then a new breath.

• 35:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, next play.

• 35:12Speaker 01

  And then the next, exactly. And then you're on, you're on to the next play, but you don't carry that disappointment with you. But you don't stuff it down somewhere and stick it in the closet.

• 35:20Lewis Howes?

  You don't acknowledge it and you acknowledge it and then you move on.

• 35:23Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 35:23Lewis Howes?

  You refocus your attention.

• 35:24Speaker 01

  You breathe it, you experience it and then you move on and you heal in the doing.

• 35:30Lewis Howes?

  What do you think you, if you could have told yourself three things about what you're about to go through with the office? And all the things that came with it, all the amazing things and maybe the more amplified, challenging things that you face as well? What do you wish you could have told yourself the day before, you know, getting that role or the day before the first, you know, time on set to be able to manage it all?

• 35:56Lewis Howes?

  And love yourself deeper? Or did you just need more time to kind of?

• 36:00Speaker 01

  So I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get a little mystical. Okay, this might be a little mystical for your audience.

• 36:05Lewis Howes?

  I'm in.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  Okay? So I'm a member of the Baha'i faith. So the son of the founder of the Baha'i faith is a man named Abdul Baha. And his name means servant of glory. Anyways, Abdul Baha about 100 years ago came to the United States. And a reporter wanted to interview this famous prophet and was like, "Hey, do Baha'is believe in Satan?" And Abdul Baha said, "Yes, we do. Satan is the insistent self."

• 36:39Speaker 01

  And I love that. So as opposed to like a red guy with a pitchfork.

• 36:44Lewis Howes?

  Underneath the ground.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  Under the ground, like whispering in your ears and causing you temptation. And he's like the forces of darkness. He's got his demon army or whatever. Like, it's in here. It's in here. The insistent self. What does that mean? Well, it's ego, you know? So, and that goes back again to Buddhist thought. It goes back to the most ancient spiritual writings in the world, the Vedas and the Panishads and the Vedantic practice and Tibetan Buddhism where your struggle is the ego, right? And in Islam, jihad, the greater jihad is the struggle within yourself. The lesser jihad is like if there's enemies that are attacking you, you fight those enemies.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  But the jihad that everyone is fighting is that struggle within ourselves against our own ego. So this idea of struggling against, because the ego, what does the ego get? And again, ego's tough because we want to help healthy self-esteem. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about that, that part of yourself that is like envious and competitive to a fault and wants to put your, it's a narcissistic part of yourself wants to put yourself above someone else, that compares yourself to others, that wants to like obtain and get and try and satisfy itself like a dragon with its hoard. And so.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  I would have maybe shown myself some writings about the struggle with the ego. If I'm cutting back to 2005, 2006 and those years. I had a lot of ego struggles and even though I had done a lot of thinking and meditating and reading about spiritual practices and mindfulness and whatnot, I was not able to put that in play. So it just became, life after the office became, you know, like a Pachinko machine. You know, the little ball goes, you know, like that. Like my life and my ego became like a Pachinko machine where it's like this success and here's a bunch of money and you get this movie, oh, the movie bombed, but oh, you get

• 38:52Speaker 01

  a different one and this and all they want to do and you won this award and oh, you lost the Emmy to Jeremy Piven and oh, this is it. So it's like, so it's all of the stuff outside of yourself, but where is that? Where's that garden that we can nurture and grow within ourselves? Cause that garden you can take with you anywhere.

• 39:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. When did you feel like you actually got into that space of practicing it? You know, how many years did it take for you to finally be like, okay, you know, this pinball machine is going everywhere, ups and downs and success and ego and fame and losses. When did you start to say, oh, this is all happening outside of me?

• 39:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:30Lewis Howes?

  But let me start to nurture and tend to this garden inside of me for more peace and inner prosperity, not outer prosperity.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  I'm going to be really honest with you. I know I don't look it.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  I'm 57 years old.

• 39:50Lewis Howes?

  Great, man.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  Forty-eight, forty-nine is when that started. When I was really able to put into practice some of the spiritual guidance that I had been studying, some of the therapeutic and positive psychology studies that I'd been studying. And for those, and I want to say for those watching at home, that might have a problem with spirituality or God or religion and first of all, spirituality and religion are totally separate things, not totally separate, but they are separate things.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  Then that's fine. Put that aside. And there's a wonderful reservoir of information that you've drawn on on all 1400 of your episodes from the positive psychology movement. And so positive psychology always arrives at the same data points that ancient wisdom from faith traditions arrives at, goes through a different way. But one, you can learn a great deal from following

• 40:55Speaker 01

  what, you know, great teachers, you know, like, you know, Jonathan Haidt has the happiness hypothesis, and so many great books on happiness and podcasts on happiness and well being and Arthur Brooks and David Brooks and all the Brooks. There's you, those, it's the same wisdom. It's just kind of packaged a little differently.

• 41:18Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure. Wow. So about eight, nine years ago is when you've kind of started to tend to your inner garden.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  Isn't that pathetic?

• 41:25Lewis Howes?

  It's not pathetic.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  I should have had it at 33.

• 41:28Lewis Howes?

  Okay, Jesus. Yeah. I think, you know, I wish I got to learn these things a lot sooner as well, but it wasn't really until two years ago when I felt a sense of peace in my heart that I haven't never felt.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 41:42Lewis Howes?

  And when I hit 38, I just turned 40.

• 41:44Speaker 01

  What happened there?

• 41:47Lewis Howes?

  I only felt peace when I was single. But when I was in relationships, I felt trapped and I felt a sense of not enoughness and never gonna be able to

• 41:55Speaker 01

  Right.

• 41:56Lewis Howes?

  live up to someone's standards and people pleasing and all these things that

• 42:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:00Lewis Howes?

  you mentioned as well, similar things. And I never

• 42:03Speaker 01

  Sounds like a little codependence going on there, too.

• 42:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and it was, you know, I was afraid because my parents were trapped. And so I grew up watching a model of them not really accepting or loving one another. And I didn't know which night, if it was going to be like peaceful or chaotic, you know, every night you just didn't know how they were going to be screaming or reacting or cold shoulder. So I just didn't have a healthy model. And I don't blame them. It all developed me in a certain way to be a curious learner of this and try to like, support others going through the same challenge. It's one of the reasons why I left home at 13, because I was like, get me out of here. It was just very up and down, chaotic. At home. Uh, my brother was also in prison for four and a half years when I was eight, so I was 12.

• 42:47Lewis Howes?

  So it was just like a lot of sadness, grief, loss, pain, uh, within the family dynamic. And I, and I know lots of families go through their own unique family dynamic of dysfunction. So this was just my own perspective. And, um, I just went after a feeling as opposed to being the feeling. I went after wanting something and desiring people and then needing to make sure that it worked out and going all in on it. Even when I had to change who I was to try to make them quote unquote happy. The partners I chose were never happy with me. They didn't accept me for who I was. And I don't blame them. I chose them for a reason. I needed to learn the lessons.

• 43:30Lewis Howes?

  And it wasn't until I, I became fully peaceful and happy and on a healing journey of who I was. And everything about my past, really grieving all the different parts of me. That's when I felt peace. Going back to the first thing you talked about, which was grieving. I did about, I don't know, nine months of inner child feeling of therapy and, you know.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  I'm sorry to interrupt. I want to please.

• 43:50Lewis Howes?

  Go ahead.

• 43:51Speaker 01

  Pick it up from there, but I just want to say like, see, I think this is super important that you're, you can share with your audience, your struggle. And to say, here I am, not really kind of figuring out how to be at peace in a relationship until my late thirties. I don't have it all figured out. I struggle. Uh, I think that's, I think that's so great that you're, that you're willing to share that.

• 44:14Lewis Howes?

  I share, I share. I don't hear all the time about all my struggles. I kind of am like the guinea pig of breakdowns. You know, here's what I'm, how I'm suffering and struggling and what I'm, you know, working out with my health, relationships, money, spirituality. So.

• 44:26Speaker 01

  So you talk about the inner child work. Did you do some therapeutic?

• 44:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, nine year, uh, nine months. I was like, I had a, a screensaver on my phone of my five year old self. You know, not from a narcissistic point of view of like, oh, look at me as a kid, but more of like, oh, look how sad I was. And look how much I was suffering and unsure of myself I was and. Always asking, why am I even here? What's the point of this? And, and just getting into trouble a lot. And so having compassion for my five, six, you know, seven, eight year old self, and putting myself in the mystical situations spiritually, where I'm there having a conversation and comforting my five year old self as a thirty eight year old adult with the wisdom and experience that I have now. Yeah.

• 45:11Lewis Howes?

  Those experiences reunited me with a broken memory, a memory of mine that was broken, bruised and hurt psychologically, emotionally, spiritually. And this allowed me to create harmony and congruency with the parts of myself that I was most ashamed of. This was also the time when I was sexually abused by a man that I didn't know, five years old. My second memory is of being sexually abused in a bathroom by a man that I didn't know. And, and I never grieved that. Like you said, going back to grieving, I never even acknowledged it for twenty five years. It wasn't until ten years ago when I started to open up and talk about that and process it with support.

• 45:53Lewis Howes?

  That released a pressure valve within me that had been building up for twenty five years, which drove me to be, to excel in athletics and business and getting results. I was like, I'm going to prove them wrong. No one's going to hurt me ever again.

• 46:10Lewis Howes?

  But by not acknowledging or grieving the pain and the sadness of the five year old, the nine year old, the thirteen year old, the twenty seven year old, you know, and all these different breakdowns I had, and always going to the next point without grieving the loss. It caused many breakdowns in my life, physically, relationally, financially. When on the outside, things were good, but on the inside, it was a one, two or three. Wow. And so ten years ago, right when I started this show was a part of that journey of healing and finding people that could share their stories so I could try to learn from them and apply some of these lessons. But two years ago specifically is when I went even deeper.

• 46:56Lewis Howes?

  Cause I was just, I was really struggling in a previous relationship. And so I did about six months of intensive weekly therapy of healing the inner child within myself.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 47:07Lewis Howes?

  And then doing it from the different parts of my childhood from 12 to 18 and 27. Kind of marrying all those memories, creating new meaning from them into where I'm at now. That's what allowed me. There was a moment after about, I don't know, six or seven months of this therapy practice I was doing.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  What was it called?

• 47:27Lewis Howes?

  It was just working with a coach.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 47:29Lewis Howes?

  Therapist, yeah. And but it was just very intense. I was doing like seven, eight hour sessions, you know, on Saturdays. I was just like, I need to figure this out. I'll do whatever it takes. I'm sick of pain. I'm sick of the suffering. Tell me what to practice, try, do all of, whatever you want to do, I'll do it.

• 47:45Speaker 01

  Okay, let me, let me, let me tell you. Yeah, yeah. Can I tell you a story along those same lines? People are watching, they're like, when did Louis turn into Oprah?

• 47:57Speaker 01

  So when I was struggling a lot, this was a while back, I went to this therapy retreat center called PCS in Scottsdale. And I did a couple of different weeks there and different kinds of sessions and different kinds of work. One of the things they have you do there, not for everyone, but they do inner child work. It's therapy 12 hours a day. You stay off site, but you're in and it's very intense.

• 48:22Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  They have you on the first day, go to the mall to the Build a Bear workshop. And you build your inner child.

• 48:28Lewis Howes?

  Shut up.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  So I went and I built my inner child.

• 48:31Lewis Howes?

  That's amazing.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  As a bear.

• 48:33Lewis Howes?

  I love this.

• 48:34Speaker 01

  And you name it.

• 48:35Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  And you have conversations and you carry it with you the entire week.

• 48:40Lewis Howes?

  That is a beautiful exercise.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  The entire week. So it's like, kind of embarrassing, like, cause I was like, walking around with this.

• 48:47Lewis Howes?

  Here's the thing, a lot of people that are watching or listening, they've heard me talk about this stuff for a while, but if there's, I'm always trying to be a Trojan horse. You know, you look at me, I'm this big, like, you know, jock looking guy. Six, four, you know, former athlete, all these different things. And I try to draw.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  Doofus looking, look like an IQ of thirteen, like farm hand, kinda.

• 49:07Lewis Howes?

  My IQ was pretty low. My EQ is high, but IQ is very low.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

• 49:12Lewis Howes?

  But the goal was to, the goal has always been to draw people in that want success, that want greatness, that want, you know, money, all these different things and talk about these things, but also talk about the healing modalities that allow you to feel peaceful and enough when you have the championship, when you have the money, when you have the role at the office. Because, you know, I was great at sports and accomplished a lot, but I'd never felt I loved myself or that I was lovable, kinda like what you talked about. Then I transitioned it to making money and building a business and I built a multimillion dollar company and all these different things, but I still didn't feel lovable. So I was like, well, how do I get to this place where I can actually accept and love me?

• 49:55Lewis Howes?

  And so this process, which sounds similar, but I love the idea of having a physical representation of your inner child. That is a beautiful experience. And, and I'm assuming you had conversations and did exercises and did some weird things that like, if people were watching, they'd be like, okay, you're a crazy man.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  And if someone was doing it and left and left their inner child like on the couch or even went to like go get a cup of coffee and left it, they would, the therapist would be like, what the are you doing? You're gonna leave your child there? Like, and it was this training of like, wow, I in heart, and when I was a child, I was so vulnerable and I suffered so much trauma and pain, but guess what? I get to re-parent myself.

• 50:40Lewis Howes?

  Man, this is beautiful.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  I get to hold my own hand.

• 50:43Lewis Howes?

  Oh my god.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  And I get to see baby Rain, baby Louis, and give him the love that he didn't get when his mom took off when he's a year and a half old and my dysfunctional dad was stuck with this beard, big weird looking toddler, you know? And I, I get to be part of that process and it was, it was really powerful.

• 51:05Lewis Howes?

  This is beautiful.

• 51:06Speaker 01

  A lot of really intense stuff.

• 51:08Lewis Howes?

  Here's the thing, when I was 21, if I would have watched this conversation or heard this, I'd have been like, what a bunch of. You know, a bunch of wusses. Suck it up. Don't be such a baby, right? I said like, whatever, because I was just in more of an ego mindset. And I'd have been like, just tell me how to make money. Just tell me to be happy. Just tell me to like, just, I want to be successful. Yeah. Just teach me that. Like, touch with us, what are those steps? What are those skills? And I hope people watching or listening, you know, specifically men, if you're watching or listening, that you can just listen and hear this perspective. You don't have to listen to me, listen to you and hear this perspective of,

• 51:49Lewis Howes?

  I truly believe that the highest form of currency right now is peace. Is, you know, because you said you can have lots of money and still be miserable and unhappy. The highest form of currency, I think, is peace. Peace with your relationships, peace with your career choices or the business you have, peace with your health and peace with yourself. And when we don't have that, it just becomes harder. And so for me, it's figuring out how to stay in congruency and alignment with self and be in a peaceful state. It doesn't mean we're not going to experience stress and challenge and overwhelm and let down and all these things.

• 52:31Lewis Howes?

  But doing the best to stay in peace will allow us to feel better, make the people around us feel better and make better decisions in our lives. So I hope people are listening. I hope the women listening share this with their, their male friends.

• 52:46Lewis Howes?

  And, and know it from two different individuals of different backgrounds. You as the career and, you know, and acting and all these different things that you've done in media, me from sports and business. That it, it matters to make money, but if you're miserable and you're hurting yourself in that process, then it's just amplifying the pain that you already have. And so this is the work in my.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  Amen.

• 53:10Lewis Howes?

  You don't have to, you don't have to go to Build a Bear and make an inner child, you know, physical representation and hold the bear around all day. But I feel like do something that works for you.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:20Lewis Howes?

  Do something that works for you. And for me, doing intensive therapy weekly for months supported me. For you, this experience, this two week experience worked for you. And it's an ongoing journey of healing from my experience. It doesn't just happen overnight and you're healed. For me, it's an ongoing practice.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 53:37Lewis Howes?

  So.

• 53:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's beautifully, beautifully said, really. And so important. And I love that currency of peace. Like, if you can gain peace in your inner garden, I like to use that metaphor, and, and well being and feel like I am enough.

• 53:56Speaker 01

  You know, I've shared this before, I actually, our mutual friend, Justin Baldoni, I talked to him about this, that when I was first starting the therapy process, my therapist was having me say daily affirmations.

• 54:06Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 54:07Speaker 01

  He gave me a list. Here's a list of like them. And it's just, oh, give me a break.

• 54:11Lewis Howes?

  Like what were the few things?

• 54:12Speaker 01

  Just like, um, I'm a good father, I'm worthy of love, blah, blah, blah. The first one on the list is, I am enough.

• 54:19Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  And I picked it up and I was like, I am enough. Nope. Not doing that. It was so hard for me to look at or to think about saying that. And he was like, well, that's the one that you have to say. So I had to hang in on the mirror. Every morning I had to get up and brush my teeth and look in the mirror and go, I am enough. And it's, do you remember Stuart Smalley, that, that, that Saturday Night Live character is like, I'm good enough. Gosh darn it. And.

• 54:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:46Speaker 01

  Al Franken played this character, Stuart Smalley. Insert clip.

• 54:50Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 54:51Speaker 01

  Uh, but, uh, it's, uh, it's corny, it's schmaltzy.

• 54:57Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  But it, it really helped me, but it also helped me to see like, wow, I really don't believe that I am enough.

• 55:03Lewis Howes?

  That's the interesting thing. How do you, because I think when we say a false affirmation that we haven't actually believed yet.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:11Lewis Howes?

  Sometimes it's like, okay, well, we're, we're lying to ourselves when, when you don't believe it. And yet you're looking at it and you're saying it over and over again. So I love that practice, but it's like, we have our, our emotional state has to catch up to it and actually learn how to process, grieve, heal, and actually believe it. So how did you build yourself?

• 55:33Lewis Howes?

  In your in overcoming the insecurities or the self doubt in order to actually believe that you were enough, not just say the affirmation every day.

• 55:40Speaker 01

  Well, that's a really good point, and I hadn't thought about that, but I agree with you. I think it can be dangerous to kind of say a bunch of affirmations that you don't really believe, like you're going to manifest them, but you don't have

• 55:51Lewis Howes?

  You don't believe it.

• 55:51Speaker 01

  that organic, authentic kind of kernel of belief inside your your gut. But I think that what it did for me is it kind of, it's kind of like in the show Kung Fu, which I reference in the book Soul Boom, is one of my favorite television shows of all time. He's like, when you can snatch the pebble from my hand, then you will be ready to go. And that it's a runner through the show. And finally, Kwai Chang Kane is able to snatch the pebble from the hand and he leaves the Shaolin monastery and goes to the Old West and fights a bunch of racist cowboys. Anyways, another another topic. But it's like when you can snatch the pebble from my hand of really believing I am enough, then you're

• 56:31Speaker 01

  ready. You know, then you're really ready. So for me was, I would say it and I was not getting the pebble. And I recognized, oh, I don't believe that I'm enough. I really don't. And I've got work to do. So it was helpful for me to kind of go like, it was, oh, my God. I mean, it was a good, it was a good, you know, 10 years of me saying I am enough when I didn't believe it until it started through the work that I was doing to kind of believe it. In the last like, eight, nine, 10 years, I've, I really have come to believe that I am enough.

• 57:10Lewis Howes?

  Well, I mean, there's, there's, there's some beauty in this for people watching and listening that I think there's a lot of people that don't believe they're enough. Which for me, my Mission is to give people the the tools, the inspiration, the expertise, the the um knowledge, the science, the research from others on how they can start to believe in themselves more. I believe self doubt is the killer of dreams. I think it holds us back from going after what we want. You know, when we doubt ourselves, we lack the courage or even worse, when we accomplish the thing and we don't feel enough. It's like, what will make me feel enough? You know, I was accomplishing in sports, you were accomplishing in acting,

• 57:54Lewis Howes?

  and you still weren't feeling enough with like the height of your career with the that show, right? It was like, okay, why do I still not feel enough? And I believe when we can overcome that insecurity and doubt, that's when we can start to really step into a beautiful way of being. And it's been a process and a journey for me. I'm curious.

• 58:18Lewis Howes?

  What do you think it was that allowed you to start to believe that you were enough? After all those years of kind of saying it and practicing it and the modalities and the training, was there one thing that were you like, okay, now I'm starting to feel it? Like, what was that letting go or skill that you learned?

• 58:35Speaker 01

  That's a great question, and I wish I had kind of like some some nugget. But it just it just was it was a shift, you know, it was a lot of work. It was like, you know, it's like you put in the work. You can, you know, use athletics as as a metaphor, like you.

• 58:50Lewis Howes?

  Practice.

• 58:51Speaker 01

  You just you practice and you work at it and you fail and you struggle and you there's ups and downs. And, you know, it was finding a really good therapist and doing some retreats and doing some reading, working with my wife a lot. I learned a ton from my wife. She's much better at this stuff than I am. And um uh and it it it wasn't kind of like an aha thing like.

• 59:18Speaker 01

  I just, when I look back on it now, like, oh, yeah, I'm I'm so much more at peace now than I was. And and and I have been for many years, but when I look back at those years.

• 59:30Lewis Howes?

  Some people might say, Rain, well, I mean, okay, now you can have peace, more peace, because you've had you make all this money and you have this success and you've had your career come true. But, you know, I'm a struggling actor here in in LA and I'm, you know, barely scraping by. Uh, and I get rejected constantly. So do I have to wait that long until I can feel enough?

• 59:52Speaker 01

  Yes. No.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  No, anyone, anyone can do the work. I think that um.

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  Uh, there's, there's a lot to say on that.

• 1:00:04Lewis Howes?

  And, and also, sorry to cut you off there. Do you think you would have been able to accomplish what you accomplished? With, with, by feeling you were enough before?

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  So that, that is an interesting conversation because for both of us, we felt like we weren't enough. We worked our tails off to kind of prove to the world that we're enough. And we scraped our way up and built careers, right? Me, this weird looking actor guy and um.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  If I had felt blissed out, peaceful and just content with who I was at 24, would I have striven the way I did? Would I have struggled and clawed my way from, you know, unemployed actor in New York City to, you know, Emmy nominated, you know, television show and, and lots of money? Like, would I have? You know, sometimes, and you see that with so many people that are really driven. There's something kind of broken inside them that goads them on. So I don't.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  But I do think that, uh, so I, I don't, I don't know. I don't, I don't know what the answer is to that. I don't know what the answer is.

• 1:01:14Lewis Howes?

  Interesting to reflect on, though.

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. It's an interesting conversation to have.

• 1:01:19Lewis Howes?

  You mentioned, you mentioned your wife. How long have you been married?

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 1:01:25Lewis Howes?

  Might get you in trouble here.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  28 years, 27 years, yeah.

• 1:01:30Lewis Howes?

  What is the thing you love the most about your wife?

• 1:01:34Speaker 01

  I um. I love so much about my wife, I can't even, I can't even begin to describe that. She has the most beautiful heart and the most beautiful sense of wonder of anyone that I've ever known. Like, it can be a poem she's reading, it can be a flower that she sees, it can be, we have all these weird pets. Something with our, one of our animals, the way she loves animals, like there's this. And to watch her kind of like interact with something and it could be a. You know, a video on Instagram of like an otter

• 1:02:13Speaker 01

  building a castle in the, in the kitchen or something and, and you know, but her, her, that, that heart centered delight and wonder that she has is um really, uh, it's really special and I get to witness that on a multiple times a day and I'm and this goes to, and I'm sure you've talked a lot about it on your show. I haven't listened to all fourteen.

• 1:02:42Lewis Howes?

  It's all good.

• 1:02:43Speaker 01

  Uh, and it goes to gratitude, which is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. And I'm on a gratitude text chain. So every morning I get up, my group of guys.

• 1:02:52Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  And five things we're grateful for. Wake up, five things we're grateful for. So it shifts that mindset from that Buddhist idea of dukkha, of dissatisfaction, to what we're grateful for. So I get to say that I am grateful for my wife and I get to feel that gratitude every day. Now, could I look at all the things that she doesn't do well and that bug me and that annoy me and that we've had a history? Yeah, of course I could. And we all struggle with that in relationships, but you know, to, to lead with gratitude, um, doors open.

• 1:03:26Lewis Howes?

  What advice would you give to people in relation, cause you were, you've been with her for a while before you, you know, were successful, right? What advice would you give to people in relationships?

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  By the way, she liked being with me back when I was broke a lot better than when I was successful in the office. Cause I went through a couple of years where I was just kind of a raging.

• 1:03:49Lewis Howes?

  Sure. It's, yeah. Interesting.

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:52Lewis Howes?

  What advice would you give to couples? Where, you know, maybe one or both of them are starting to like get some notoriety or, you know, followers or success or their business or careers taking off and they're getting a little ego and they're, you know, having some attention from the outside world. What would you share your wisdom on? How to set your relationship up for more harmony?

• 1:04:15Speaker 01

  And this is where I think spirituality comes into play because um, if we are spiritual beings having a human experience, then we are there in a coupleship to support each other's spiritual journey.

• 1:04:27Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:04:27Speaker 01

  So I get to, um,

• 1:04:31Speaker 01

  I, you know, achieve kind of fame and success from the office. And she gets to support me on my spiritual journey of going through that, the good and the bad.

• 1:04:42Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 1:04:42Speaker 01

  Right? And then, you know, she gets, you know, she, she's an author, she publishes a book, she, she, you know, writes something new. She struggles, I support her on her journey, her successes and her highs and lows. So marriage all too often, I think, can feel kind of circumstantial.

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  And it needs to feel, and I think there's a reason why the faith traditions, when you get married in front of God and like till death do us part, but like your, the idea that your, your souls are wedded, you know, and beyond this world, like into eternal worlds, you're gonna, there's a companionship there. So it's, it's, it's that spiritual support. And that we're, we're each gonna have times when we need more support and we're able to give more. And there's a, there's a dance, there's a yin and yang kind of back and forth.

• 1:05:41Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. I don't know why I'm curious about this, but who is the person or persons that you respect the most in this business? The, the business of Hollywood, the business, show business, which is kind of like a circus, I feel like.

• 1:05:59Lewis Howes?

  Are there a couple of people, you know, and you don't have to throw anyone under the bus who, you know, you don't think is, is doing well or whatever, but is there a couple of people that, whether from the office or since after then, that you really respect, you think they're living life in a, in a great way as well as having a great career, they've got solid relationships, you feel like they have a strong foundation emotionally? Are there a couple of people you really respect or?

• 1:06:24Speaker 01

  You know, it's, as you were asking that question, I was like, oh, Steve Carell. And then I was like, well, really no, it's more Jenna. And then I was like, well, Angela is like, and I was like, well, you know, John Krasinski does pretty good. I was like, BJ does. And so I, I really have to say, shout out to my office cast members, like that entire cast, I really admire and respect.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  How they live their lives in Hollywood and the choices that they make. Steve puts family first. And he is, he's a very kind of shy and reserved guy. And really cherishes his privacy, but works hard on his, on his marriage and the life of his family. Jenna and Angela are the same way, but I really admire the way Jenna and Angela just give joy to people. They like, they, they, they love to just spread joy and positivity in their work. And John, you know, who's really taken off as a director and an actor and all kinds of things like, again, his family first, absolutely, his, his wife and daughters.

• 1:07:36Speaker 01

  And he, the way that he kind of keeps his ego in check and is able to really focus on doing some really great and lasting work. And I admire the whole Office cast. I know, I'm not trying to cop out like, but they all have things that I, that I admire and that I've learned from.

• 1:07:57Lewis Howes?

  That's cool. I think when we met, I think it was six years ago, actually, is what they were saying. But, uh, I think when you walked in the studio, my other studio, one of the first things you said is, you look like John Krasinski. I think you said it six years ago, so. You still pretty close with a lot of that group? Is that, is that a, a family that's still close? Like everyone's kind of like still in contact?

• 1:08:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, we text all the time. We have text chains and.

• 1:08:19Lewis Howes?

  That's nice.

• 1:08:20Speaker 01

  Talk.

• 1:08:21Lewis Howes?

  Supporting each other, celebrating each other's wins. That's amazing.

• 1:08:23Speaker 01

  Absolutely, yeah.

• 1:08:24Lewis Howes?

  That's great. Cause I'm assuming you could be with, on a show or on a movie set for a few months and, and, and act like you're really bonding, but then everyone goes off to their next project or thing and then

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:08:36Lewis Howes?

  you, you kind of lose touch, right?

• 1:08:37Speaker 01

  Yep, yep.

• 1:08:38Lewis Howes?

  But you guys have, have stayed together.

• 1:08:40Speaker 01

  We have.

• 1:08:40Lewis Howes?

  That's amazing.

• 1:08:41Speaker 01

  We have, yeah.

• 1:08:41Lewis Howes?

  That's amazing.

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:43Lewis Howes?

  I'm really excited about this book Soul Boom, Why We Need a Spiritual Revolution, because I feel like there's a lot of sadness and suffering like we've talked about in the world. And anytime someone wants to open up about spirituality, which I think is really about having a deeper relationship with self-acceptance, self-love, with yourself and with the universe.

• 1:09:06Lewis Howes?

  I think it's exciting. So I'm so glad that you're talking about this and that this book is out. I'm curious, what is the spiritual lesson, because you mentioned you were atheist for a while and you know, you've gone through your faith journey. What was the spiritual lesson you learned as a kid that maybe you let go over, forgot, or rejected, but have now come back to accept?

• 1:09:28Speaker 01

  Well, it's so funny that you mention that because that's how I start the book, is comparing the spiritual journey to two of my favorite television shows from the 1970s, which I experienced as a kid, and I've done a lot of reflecting back on, which is Kung Fu, like I talked about, which is Quai Chang Kean going through the rough and tumble west as a Shaolin monk. He's half Chinese. And he's, and he experiences a lot of racism and a lot of violence and aggression, and he takes his eastern wisdom and teaches people's lessons, and he also kicks ass when he needs to, you know, with Kung Fu, there's going to be a couple of fights per episode,

• 1:10:12Speaker 01

  which everyone, we all waited for with bated breath. And that I compare to like our personal spiritual journey. So you, Louis, you've talked to 1,400 people, you've gained this wisdom, this insight, but then you go out in the world and you have your girlfriend and your family, and you're navigating the world and trying to use your wisdom better yourself, continue, you're doing your therapy work, you're trying to, you're trying to make yourself a better person, increase your positive qualities, your divine qualities, your spiritual qualities, some could say of compassion and kindness and love, right? So that's, that's that path. My other favorite TV show from the 70s was Star Trek. So Star Trek I see as also a spiritual journey,

• 1:10:57Speaker 01

  not on an individual level, but on a collective level. Because people forget that in Star Trek, the mythology is there's been a huge World War III. And out of the ashes of that terrible conflagration.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  Humanity has succeeded and thrived and overcome its past divisions. There is, I don't want to get anyone upset, there is a one world government. So a lot of people are like, "Oh, there's one world government." Like, well, Star Trek, pretty successful, Federation, one world government. I'm all for it.

• 1:11:35Speaker 01

  But we've overcome racism, we've overcome sexism. There's no more income inequality, right? Technology has allowed us to have, what do they call it? The little things where you can make a bowl of soup or you can, the replicator. And you can like get anything out of it. So they've, technology has taken us to a point where then humanity is able to seek out new life and new civilizations and spread technology and peace and in connection throughout the universe and be filled with wonder and whatnot. And, you know, I don't think Gene Roddenberry intended the show to be spiritual. I think it was, you know, about technology, the wonders of technology from the 60s and 70s. But really, humanity has matured, right?

• 1:12:20Speaker 01

  And even when you get to Star Trek: The Next Generation, there's no conflict anymore. And then Roddenberry insisted when they were doing Star Trek: The Next Generation, like, humanity at this point, because that was further than the original series, that they not be in conflict. So you don't see Picard and Number One like arguing, "Oh, no, we should go over there." "No, Picard, you idiot, we're not, shouldn't land there, we should..." Like, humanity has like figured out, it's matured beyond even conflict. So, um, this is, I get into a lot of stuff in the book. I get into death, consciousness, the meaning of life. I have a whole chapter on God called "The Notorious G O D." I talk about sacredness, looking for the holy in our lives.

• 1:13:06Speaker 01

  Religion, the purpose of religion. You know, is religion good or bad? Why is there a religion?

• 1:13:14Speaker 01

  But a lot of it towards the tail end of the book is really about this Star Trek journey. Because when a lot of people think about spirituality, they think about cultivating serenity and finding and quelling anxiety and finding beauty and some purpose and some connection. But it's it's here in the heart. And that's very important. And that's where you got to start. And it's really important. But we also have a spiritual journey collectively on planet Earth to try and make the world a better place. And

• 1:13:46Speaker 01

  for example, you think about compassion. Like, that's something we can get better at is compassion, right? Feeling for other people. You know, whenever I'm

• 1:13:59Speaker 01

  at my worst, I'm not in compassion. I'm like, oh, that screw him. Oh, that's that's bull. What? You know, like, and be judgmental and like, oh, those idiots. Why didn't they do that? And they should just do, you know, and but when I'm able to increase my compassion and say, ah, we're all in this human struggle together. Oh, those poor people like, like, imagine just how much an increase of compassion could help us as a species move forward on the on the planet. Um, to just maximize, like, we're talking like Jesus, like compassion or Buddha like compassion. Uh, it could be a powerful force.

• 1:14:41Speaker 01

  In fact, I I have a little scenario in there. I was like, what if humanity could invent a compassion machine? So picture like an MRI machine or something where you put electrodes on your scalp or whatever it is, I don't know what it looks like. But then you're able to connect with someone on the other side of the world. He's a goat herder in Yemen or it's a, you know, a someone plowing a field in Pakistan or whatever it is, someone completely different than you. And in this compassion machine, you're able to see and feel the world through their eyes and through their heart, like. Imagine if, if, if we were actively every day, everyone spent half an hour in a compassion

• 1:15:24Speaker 01

  machine and we had just a much deeper understanding of the difficulties of what it's like to be a goat herder in Yemen or a, or a farmer in Pakistan and, uh, but these are some of like the spiritual tools that lie in the world's faith traditions that can be transformative for us as a species on the planet. So my five-year-old lesson, these two TV shows kind of show us the way forward.

• 1:15:53Lewis Howes?

  Well, that's good. That's a good answer. I've got a couple of final questions for you, but I want people to get the book Soul Boom, Why We Need a Spiritual Revolution. Make sure you guys check it out. Get a couple of copies for your friends as well. Um, and you also have a, a show coming out.

• 1:16:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:09Lewis Howes?

  A new show coming out about bliss.

• 1:16:12Speaker 01

  Sensually.

• 1:16:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Can you share more about what this is before I get to the final few questions?

• 1:16:17Speaker 01

  The Geography of Bliss is a show that is coming out May 18th, 2023. I don't know what year you might be listening to this podcast on the Peacock network, which also has conveniently The Office.

• 1:16:30Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 1:16:31Speaker 01

  And.

• 1:16:31Lewis Howes?

  Tag team them.

• 1:16:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:16:33Lewis Howes?

  I love the video you posted on Instagram lately on a plane.

• 1:16:36Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:37Lewis Howes?

  With you, like, I think we were wearing a mask.

• 1:16:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, the guy watching the plane.

• 1:16:40Lewis Howes?

  You were like on the screen and you're like, this guy has no idea if we sit next to him. That was.

• 1:16:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. And that was, that was fun. Um, but the Geography of Bliss is me traveling around the world to five different locations and, uh, looking for happiness and trying to learn about happiness from other cultures. And, uh, it was, uh, you know, I'll always say, oh, The Office was the best job I ever had. Like, uh-uh, no. Geography of Bliss, best job I ever had. Getting paid to travel the world and talk to people about happiness and ride elephants in Thailand and pet lambs in Iceland and.

• 1:17:14Speaker 01

  Take taxi rides through the jungles of Ghana, like it was exceptional. And I feel like it's coming together, you know, like you talk so much about vision in your book. And but this vision of this next chapter of my life post office of being able to talk about some spiritual and psychological topics and talk to people about happiness and make entertainment, make them laugh at the same time. I'm not like trying to be some guru or something like that. But to me, it's incredibly satisfying.

• 1:17:47Lewis Howes?

  That's interesting. What was the number one key to happiness from all these different individuals you met around the world?

• 1:17:56Speaker 01

  Well, I'm going to read it from this book because it connects.

• 1:18:01Lewis Howes?

  Perfect.

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  Do you know about the Grant study out of Harvard University?

• 1:18:05Lewis Howes?

  Seventy five year study?

• 1:18:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:06Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:18:08Speaker 01

  Seventy five year study, three hundred men, Harvard University, searching for what makes a good life. All these data points, thousands of data points over the decades. The final doctor overseeing the study, Dr. George Valant, I think there's a new one now, but he was before. He said his final culmination was the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.

• 1:18:37Speaker 01

  So wherever I went in the world and I saw people succeeding at well being, at inspiration and happiness, contentment, they're connected to other people. It's community. It's all about community.

• 1:18:57Lewis Howes?

  And I think as Gav Vermonte talks about, I'm going to paraphrase it. I think it's the relationships with others, but also the relationship to ourselves and making sure we have a good relationship with self. It's hard to have great relationships with others if we don't have a beautiful relationship with self, if we don't accept, have compassion for ourselves or the parts of ourselves that we are most ashamed of or guilty or insecure about. And so I think it's a two part thing. It's like having great relationships with others, but also developing a quality relationship with self. And

• 1:19:31Lewis Howes?

  It's for me, it's inspiring to see you continue to develop a beautiful relationship with yourself. So that you can be of service more in these other ways that you're doing. With this book and the show that you have going on. So I'm excited about that. Here's a question I wanted to ask you about comparison because.

• 1:19:50Lewis Howes?

  You mentioned this earlier in the interview about comparison and I'm curious. How can someone learn to not compare themselves to others in an industry? You know, whether it's acting or sports or business or podcasting or books, whatever it is.

• 1:20:08Lewis Howes?

  Did you compare yourself a lot when you were kind of becoming famous and rising up in this space? Or were you pretty focused on your own race and you weren't thinking about what everyone else was doing? And if so, how did you overcome that comparison?

• 1:20:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:23Lewis Howes?

  Mentality.

• 1:20:24Speaker 01

  So Theodore Roosevelt said, comparison is the thief of joy. And if if you are looking for joy, if you're looking for bliss, contentment and self-acceptance, that's a good place to start. Stop comparing yourself to others because. You just don't know their circumstances. You don't know your circumstances and you don't. There were a lot of people that I was incredibly envious of early on in my career.

• 1:20:50Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:20:51Speaker 01

  Theater in New York. Oh, it's something I've struggled with, you know, my whole life. I mean, I've. Really let it go now, but.

• 1:21:00Speaker 01

  And, you know, they had their moment in, let's say, New York theater in the 90s.

• 1:21:04Lewis Howes?

  Broadway or whatever it is.

• 1:21:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. And then, and then I've had my moment. We all have our moments if you have talent and. But it's, it's a really important one of like, it's, I don't know if there's any kind of miracle to it. It's just stop it. Don't do it. Just don't compare yourself.

• 1:21:20Lewis Howes?

  That's it.

• 1:21:21Speaker 01

  It doesn't work. It doesn't help you. Envy is like, that's in every spiritual tradition, right? Envy and the, what is it? The green, what did Shakespeare call envy? The green goblin or something like that, maybe. So yeah, that, that has been a big struggle for me. It's especially a struggle for actors because you're like.

• 1:21:43Lewis Howes?

  Because you're going into a role and auditioning and there's 50 other guys or whatever.

• 1:21:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's 20 guys in a room and one of you gets the part and like, oh, he did it. And then you go in again and the same guy gets the thing and you're like, God, him? You know, and so, uh, you know, like, uh, Nick Offerman is a great example. Like he, he and I used to audition for all the same roles and then I got on The Office. I actually got him, um, introduced him to the producers of The Office and they had his picture on the wall and they thought of him for Parks and Recreation, which was going to be a comedy spinoff. And I'm not saying I got him the role, but I, you know, opened the door, then he had that thing and now he's, he's been doing so much great work on, in, in television and

• 1:22:31Speaker 01

  having a career that was time when, because we're, we're similar actors in a lot of ways. We're different in a lot of ways as well, but you know, he's, uh, and I just remember those early years of Nick Offerman being in the audition, like, oh, you again, you know? And we never had that with each other and we're, we're able to really support each other and then he's written a bunch of books, I've written a bunch of books and

• 1:22:51Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 1:22:52Speaker 01

  We support each other there as well, but yeah, it's, it's been a struggle.

• 1:22:56Lewis Howes?

  I guess if you want to stay miserable, compare yourself to everyone. Right? If you want to be miserable.

• 1:23:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:02Lewis Howes?

  Compare yourself to everyone.

• 1:23:03Speaker 01

  If you, it's a great place to start, you know, if you want to start, like I'm gonna, you, you're talking about like School of Greatness, right? Like these action items that you can make your life better. Number one, stop comparing yourself to others.

• 1:23:16Lewis Howes?

  I love that.

• 1:23:17Speaker 01

  Okay?

• 1:23:18Lewis Howes?

  Love it. Rain, uh.

• 1:23:21Speaker 01

  You're just as good a podcast host as Rich Roll, okay? All right?

• 1:23:26Lewis Howes?

  For me, the thing that I've learned that helped me, because I used to, I don't know if I used to compare, but I used to compete.

• 1:23:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:23:33Lewis Howes?

  Until 10 years ago. And I'm still like competitive in certain life, but more like towards games. It's not about like, I don't know, my business. It's like, okay, I want to be the best I can be, but I'm not trying to necessarily beat others.

• 1:23:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:47Lewis Howes?

  Because I feel like that's a scarcity business and a scarcity world where I've really shifted into collaboration as much as possible.

• 1:23:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:55Lewis Howes?

  Like, okay, here's someone, me and Rich have been friends for, you know, 11 years. And, uh, and so we just support each other, you know? How can I help you in succeeding and you can help me in succeeding?

• 1:24:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:05Lewis Howes?

  Let's just collaborate more and there's abundance, there's room for both.

• 1:24:08Speaker 01

  I love, I love those words scarcity and abundance because.

• 1:24:13Speaker 01

  If you've undergone some kind of child trauma and you feel less than, you feel scarcity and you feel like I'm never gonna get what I need. And there's not gonna be enough for me, right? It's like someone who grows up in an orphanage. Even when they're adult and they can have a million dollars in the bank, they'll hide cookies under the mattress, afraid that they're gonna be hungry, you know? And to just know there is enough for everyone. We can all have some success and we can kind of live our lives in abundance.

• 1:24:44Lewis Howes?

  It probably wasn't until four years ago where I stopped sleeping on people's couches, like when I would travel. Like I used to like travel and be like, who do I know in this city that I can crash on?

• 1:24:56Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:24:56Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to like just paying for the hotel room because I was like, this is money I could save and you know, not be broke again and just make sure I can stack my account or something. Maybe it was like six years, seven years ago, but it felt like it was more recent where it was like, okay, I can afford a hotel, I don't need to crash on someone's couch, all these different things. I wanted to acknowledge you, Rain, for this beautiful conversation, for being open, vulnerable, real, authentic. Just like we talked about before we started, I appreciate your realness. And I always, you know, see your content from time to time and, you know, for me, I appreciate when someone who is extremely successful in their craft can open up about the different challenges and struggles and and things that they've had to overcome. So I really appreciate that about you.

• 1:25:41Lewis Howes?

  I want people to get the book Soul Boom, Why We Need A Spiritual Revolution. And also make sure to check out the new show that's coming out.

• 1:25:50Lewis Howes?

  Geography of Bliss. And if they go to your Instagram and your website, they can see more updates about all this stuff and find out where to watch and how to get the book.

• 1:25:59Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:26:00Lewis Howes?

  All these different things.

• 1:26:02Speaker 01

  Links.

• 1:26:03Lewis Howes?

  Links.

• 1:26:03Speaker 01

  Handles.

• 1:26:04Lewis Howes?

  Everything. We'll have it all up. Everything. Soulboom.com, Rain Wilson everywhere as well. We'll have it all linked up for you guys. Is there anything else we should send people to directly for you?

• 1:26:15Speaker 01

  And that's, that's all, that's all good. That's it. Yeah.

• 1:26:18Lewis Howes?

  Um, I asked you these two questions in the previous episode. You probably won't remember your answers. I have them up in front of me. So I'm gonna cheat.

• 1:26:26Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 1:26:27Lewis Howes?

  And, um, see if you match these two responses. It's been six years now, so they might be a different response to these two questions. The first one is called the three truths. So imagine hypothetical scenario. You get to live as long as you want, but eventually it's your last day on this earth. And you get to create, accomplish, be, do all the things you want to do from this moment until then.

• 1:26:51Lewis Howes?

  But for whatever reason, in this hypothetical scenario, you've got to take all of your work with you. So no one has access to this book or any podcast you've ever done or any interview. It's all goes somewhere else, hypothetical.

• 1:27:04Lewis Howes?

  But you get to leave behind three truths that you've learned throughout your life, three lessons that you'd share with the world. What would be those three truths for you that you'd share?

• 1:27:15Speaker 01

  Well,

• 1:27:18Speaker 01

  one is, uh, the one we started with, uh, which is, you know, what's something that I know for sure? I know for sure that I'm a spiritual being.

• 1:27:29Speaker 01

  Uh, having a human experience. I would say another truth is that

• 1:27:36Speaker 01

  storytelling is

• 1:27:42Speaker 01

  one of the most powerful forces on planet earth.

• 1:27:47Speaker 01

  Humans need to storytell. We thrive when we tell stories. And by this, I mean, write poems, make movies, tell our stories, share our personal details, connect with people. Talk, you can do it professionally, you can be a professional storyteller, you know, in film and television and theater or on, in fiction. Um, and you could do it in your daily life, but there, that is a, uh, one of the most powerful and important, uh, forces. And I would say two, the other thing is, um, we need more joy and hope in the world. And one of the greatest services that we can ever give to people is to bring them joy and bring them hope.

• 1:28:32Speaker 01

  And that's, that's where the work lies.

• 1:28:36Lewis Howes?

  Beautiful. Well, if people want to know what the previous three truths are, make sure you check out the other episode. We'll link it up so you can see.

• 1:28:42Speaker 01

  You're not gonna tell them?

• 1:28:43Lewis Howes?

  We can see where they, uh, where they differ or where they're the same. This is the final question for you. What is your definition of greatness?

• 1:28:54Speaker 01

  I believe in God, so I believe that God has given me talents, certain talents and faculties. And greatness is me maximizing my God given talents and faculties. So I learned a lot about this when I realized like, oh, I have the ability to make people laugh. I'm kind of goofy. I'm kind of weird looking, a good sense of humor, good timing. I can use language. Let me use all of those skills to try and make people laugh. And, um, that worked out pretty well. It worked out pretty well for me. But we all have to find what that skillset is that gives us the most deepest, richest satisfaction and, uh, and ply it.

• 1:29:38Lewis Howes?

  I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel on Apple Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend, leave us a review over on Apple Podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to

• 1:30:19Lewis Howes?

  sign up for the greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com/newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.