Tim Dillon Returns!

Tim Dillon returns to Are You Garbage! We're talking Whitney Houston, How to host a party and the future of food in America. You know Tim Dillon from stand up comedy, The Tim Dillon Show, the Joe Rogan Experience, This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von, Bad Friends, Stavvy's World, The Tucker Carlson Show, Kill Tony, Flagrant 2, Fox News, Matt and Shanes Secret Podcast, and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Aura Frames: Exclusive $35-off Carver Mat at https://AuraFrames.com. Promo Code: GARBAGE Huel: Get Huel today with this exclusive offer for New Customers of 15% OFF + a FREE Gift with code AYG at https://huel.com/AYG (Minimum $75 purchase) Acorns: Head to https://acorns.com/GARBAGE or download the Acorns app to get started. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Hey gang, check out this short clip from the Route 66 tour on our YouTube page. I'm not even lying, I just shit my pants.

• 0:06Speaker 01

  What happened at...the garage?

• 0:10H. Foley?

  Hey, how are you? You guys have a bathroom? You saw that, huh?

• 0:12Speaker 01

  I'm curious as to what do you want to get out in front of this thing?

• 0:16H. Foley?

  These are dangerous places.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Are those the shorts you were wearing?

• 0:20H. Foley?

  Unfortunately, they are.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  Dude, that's fucking disgusting.

• 0:26H. Foley?

  Hang on.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  Unless you were wearing plastic underwear, which I do not think you were.

• 0:32H. Foley?

  It didn't go through.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  No dude, that's insane.

• 0:35H. Foley?

  I'm telling you, it did not get to the outer layer. What you may know as the upper atmosphere. It stayed within the molten core of the Budgie Hunk. The underwear, on the other hand...

• 0:48H. Foley?

  Didn't make it.

• 0:50H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 0:50Speaker 02

  You're welcome.

• 0:51H. Foley?

  I appreciate your hospitality.

• 0:52Speaker 02

  No worries.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  I've seen you go to the bathroom a lot, I've never seen you walk out with evidence.

• 1:06Speaker 03

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 1:26H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Take two.

• 1:32H. Foley?

  It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're going to be classy.

• 1:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36H. Foley?

  Or just a big ol' piece of trash.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 1:39H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new addition. She's upstairs in a K-hole. So we're on our own for dinner, boys.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  Good for her.

• 1:48H. Foley?

  My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  What up, gang? Shout out to you, thanks for tuning in. As always, just make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify now, no big deal. And then, the greatest website of all... Don't gotta tell nobody in this room. www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.

• 2:18H. Foley?

  Yes, sir, and gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest back with us again today. He is the American Messiah. One of the funniest, one of the most prolific stand-up comedians, podcasters, and actors working today. He's got a brand-new special out on Netflix, I Am Your Mother, and we got him back here after a long absence. To see if he's moved on from his garbage roots. Does he belong in an Arowan with $40-a-pound chicken salad? Or is he really the Entenmann's rich frosted doughnut he always was? Give it up for the great Tim Dillon, everybody.

• 2:56Speaker 04

  Thank you. Toody's doing that medical ketamine, though, right? Okay, it was recommended to her.

• 3:02H. Foley?

  She's working on some things.

• 3:03Speaker 04

  It's PTSD. She's in a hot tub right now.

• 3:08Speaker 04

  I talk to people, they go, "I've got PTSD, I'm doing ketamine." I go, "From what? You've never served in a war."

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a big jump to do ketamine if, like, your dad was mean to you.

• 3:17H. Foley?

  Yeah, PTSD. I've got gout, I'm doing blow, huh? Get the blood flow moving. Buddy, thank you for coming back. Congrats on the special.

• 3:25Speaker 04

  Thank you so much for having me.

• 3:26H. Foley?

  Congrats on everything.

• 3:27Speaker 04

  Well, that's very sweet of you. I didn't want to come back because we had such a killer one.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  I know, I knew that's what you were doing. I was like, it's been so good that you didn't want to come back and spoil it.

• 3:37Speaker 04

  Because that was the number-one one for a long time.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  I think you're still, you and Gilly are going back and forth.

• 3:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:43H. Foley?

  Now, the show has evolved since you've been on. Now, listen, as we know, one of the truest garbage men in the business. We all come from it. It's cherished here, it's celebrated here. You've been blowing up.

• 3:58Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 3:58H. Foley?

  Lot of fancy things going on.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  Well...

• 4:03Speaker 01

  He's got blue sweat, sweatpants shorts on right now.

• 4:05Speaker 04

  You know, I mean.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Dude, the polo sweatpants shorts are crazy.

• 4:11Speaker 04

  Let me tell you right now, when you get out of a, when you get out of a black car and you walk into a DXL, it cancels out. When you pull up in a, in a black car and you walk into a DXL, it really does even out in a negative way.

• 4:24H. Foley?

  Where do you go? You go to Sixtav? You know the boys down there on Sixtav, the DXL down there?

• 4:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's no other ones.

• 4:29H. Foley?

  That's my guys down there.

• 4:30Speaker 04

  That's the only one.

• 4:30H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 4:31Speaker 04

  That Indian woman?

• 4:32H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 4:32Speaker 04

  She's a good woman.

• 4:33H. Foley?

  Yeah, she's great.

• 4:34Speaker 04

  She's a good woman.

• 4:36H. Foley?

  My guy Angel down there.

• 4:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know him too.

• 4:38H. Foley?

  Do you really?

• 4:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course.

• 4:40H. Foley?

  Oh my god, that's so funny.

• 4:41Speaker 04

  That's right. That's the last stop before you get deported, that you work at that store. You, you clothe fat people, then you go to that prison in El Salvador.

• 4:50H. Foley?

  Woo, start shaving your head. Yikes. Bad news. Now, let's see, you've traded your Via Veneta in for gelato, but let's see.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, let's see.

• 4:59H. Foley?

  Let's see where you're at.

• 5:00Speaker 04

  I'm surprised, because I, I think I might be right back on the trashometer. But I could be, I could be, it could be better than I know.

• 5:07H. Foley?

  When's the last time you had a Carvel? Have you had a Carvel in the last couple of months?

• 5:11Speaker 04

  I have a Carvel gift card in my wallet. Number one, I actually have a, I was given for my birthday. I was given for my birthday a Carvel gift card.

• 5:19H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 5:20Speaker 04

  And they don't like that in Carvel. A lot of Carvels in, in Long Island are run by the Asian community. They're a very business savvy, smart community.

• 5:28H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 5:29Speaker 04

  And they don't like a gift card. They don't respect it. They don't, they don't give it the way that should. So they really do, when you, when you present the gift card, they will, they just, they flop some sprinkles on. They're, they don't, they don't do it the way they should. Uh, but the last time I've had one, I, the other day, I doordashed a Carvel to the house.

• 5:49H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  That's, that was one of my questions. What was the last thing you doordashed or Uber Eats? Would it have been ice cream, or have you done it since then?

• 5:56Speaker 04

  The last thing, I'll just go, can I go to doordash?

• 5:59Speaker 01

  Yes, please. Let's get the, let's get the real feel.

• 6:00Speaker 04

  Was it a shake? It was not a shake. It was just a vanilla with crunchies, cookie dough and fudge.

• 6:07H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  I mean, that guy's doing it right.

• 6:10Speaker 04

  DoorDash.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 6:12Speaker 04

  They bring it right to the condo.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  You got a Bentley and you're door dashing Carvel.

• 6:17Speaker 04

  I mean, you know, what am I gonna do? Buy a Carvel?

• 6:20H. Foley?

  The duality of man.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  You should open up a franchise.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  I should open up a franchise. We'll call Jason. Can I open a franchise up? So I'll tell you right now, I'll go to DoorDash and I'll go to my last order.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. How many times a week do you say you're door dashing?

• 6:33Speaker 04

  When I'm not cooking, but you know me, I'm cooking most nights.

• 6:38Speaker 04

  No, uh, the...

• 6:41Speaker 01

  For the audio listener, he rolled his eyes.

• 6:44Speaker 04

  No, I, you know, I'm doing a lot. Unfortunately, it's a, uh, it's a lot of, it's you in New York City, you know, it's a lot of...

• 6:50H. Foley?

  Have you used the stove at your place?

• 6:52Speaker 04

  I have. I make some scrambled eggs are good. I make some, you know, I'll do a, uh, every now and then I'll do like a, uh, you know, kind of stir fry.

• 7:03H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Look at you. I mean, that's a big step up from my...

• 7:07Speaker 04

  I ordered meatballs and I ordered an uli- a ricotta anulati.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  What the hell was that?

• 7:13Speaker 04

  From Bar Primi with vodka sauce.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  I know Bar Primi, yeah.

• 7:18Speaker 04

  That was my last. That was my last hurrah.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 7:21H. Foley?

  What do you think the world would be like if vodka sauce was never invented?

• 7:24Speaker 04

  I don't know. You know, I tend to think...

• 7:26Speaker 01

  I don't even want to picture it.

• 7:27Speaker 04

  One of my big things right now is I, I don't like the Italians on social media. There's too many Italians on social media.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  They're big on TikTok.

• 7:35Speaker 04

  I don't, these Italians to me are a problem and have to be watched.

• 7:40H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 7:40Speaker 04

  And part of the problem is like, we all grew up with this stuff, chicken parm and stuff. They're acting like they're putting us on to...

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 7:48Speaker 04

  Penne alla vodka.

• 7:49H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 7:49Speaker 04

  And we've been there. So to me, it's like annoying when a guy's like, oh, meatball, mozzarella, chicken parm. And I go, hey, hey, hey. I've been there.

• 7:59H. Foley?

  Enough with the cacio e pepe, we get it.

• 8:00Speaker 04

  We get it.

• 8:01H. Foley?

  It's cheese and pepper.

• 8:02Speaker 04

  We get it and we've been doing it and it's not a big deal. You're not breaking new ground.

• 8:07H. Foley?

  Yeah. We know cream sauce doesn't go in a carbonara. We're aware it's egg yolk.

• 8:12Speaker 04

  We get it, so I, um...

• 8:15H. Foley?

  I got guanciale on me right now.

• 8:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course. You want a little speck?

• 8:19H. Foley?

  Please.

• 8:20Speaker 04

  I got speck.

• 8:21H. Foley?

  What are we doing?

• 8:22Speaker 04

  So to me, I, um, I get a little frustrated with it. And the vodka sauce now, like, to me, all these rubes moved to New York City. They're from Ohio, these rubes. And then they wait to get in a restaurant like Carbone, they have spicy rigatoni. My friend, uh, my friend's mother make you spicy rigatoni too.

• 8:38H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 8:39Speaker 04

  She'll tell you the world's flat and she'll talk a little bit about January 6th. But let me tell you right now, you want a spicy rigatoni, you'll get a spicy rigatoni. And she'll tell you a lot about Michelle Obama's cock.

• 8:48H. Foley?

  Little side of Texas toast, huh?

• 8:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:50H. Foley?

  All right. Okay.

• 8:54H. Foley?

  We're off to the race.

• 8:55Speaker 01

  And we're off.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  So far, we've, we've, we went after the Asians and then, and the Italians.

• 9:01Speaker 04

  I said they were a smart business community.

• 9:05H. Foley?

  I want to ask you this.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:07H. Foley?

  Uh, you, you know, you're, you're a well-traveled, you're, uh, you know, you, you hang out in certain circles.

• 9:12Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 9:12H. Foley?

  Um, I want to talk about a dinner party.

• 9:15Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 9:16H. Foley?

  I want to talk about, uh, two things. One, if you're having a dinner party, one, if you're going to a dinner party.

• 9:21Speaker 04

  Interesting.

• 9:21H. Foley?

  What do you think it's appropriate to bring to a dinner party? What does a guy like you bring?

• 9:26Speaker 04

  Uh, if I'm going, I'm usually bringing nothing. Let me tell you why.

• 9:32H. Foley?

  Here's the fucked up thing, we talked to an etiquette coach, that's the right answer.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  It is the right answer because here's the thing.

• 9:40Speaker 04

  I'm going to a lot of these dinners as, look, a local pig.

• 9:43H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 9:50Speaker 04

  They're bringing me.

• 9:51H. Foley?

  They have clipboards and white coats.

• 9:54Speaker 04

  They're bringing me to the dinner party as a local curiosity. An animal, an animal you'd point out on a tour bus.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  Everybody gets 10 minutes sitting next to you.

• 10:02Speaker 04

  For example, this is a local pig who we've brought in here and everybody kind of pets him. And get the kids, take a photo.

• 10:10H. Foley?

  The yak woman canceled.

• 10:13Speaker 04

  So, so really, I'm just a curi-, it's a curiosity. I'm a curiosity. So, no one wants to, the curiosity to show up with anything because here's the deal. When you go to a dinner party, I think you're there to, they, they want to do their thing.

• 10:27H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 10:28Speaker 04

  They don't want to do a potluck.

• 10:30H. Foley?

  No.

• 10:30Speaker 04

  But if I had to a raspberry cream pie from Brian Mear Farms.

• 10:34H. Foley?

  Gentlemen.

• 10:35Speaker 04

  Which is great. It's a top-notch pie. Brian Mear Farms.

• 10:39Speaker 04

  They won't sponsor me.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  You've asked?

• 10:41Speaker 04

  I haven't asked, but we've, you know.

• 10:43Speaker 01

  You've plugged them enough, I'm sure.

• 10:44Speaker 04

  I wear their hat a lot of times.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  I've seen the hat.

• 10:47H. Foley?

  I've mentioned this to you before, I believe, but you ruined me with the Haagen-Dazs. Uh, what is it? Raspberry cheesecake or what is it?

• 10:53Speaker 04

  White chocolate raspberry truffle.

• 10:55H. Foley?

  Oh, man.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:57H. Foley?

  I could turn back the clock on that.

• 10:58Speaker 04

  It's a great flavor.

• 11:00H. Foley?

  Delicious.

• 11:01Speaker 04

  And it allows you to feel a little festive.

• 11:03H. Foley?

  Yes, it does.

• 11:04Speaker 04

  There's something where you feel a little festive. I think an ice, you know, here's the way I look at life now. You gotta have a little treat.

• 11:11H. Foley?

  You do. You do.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  You gotta have a little treat and it has to.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  He just said that in the kitchen. He grabbed a power bar. I need a little treat. I came out, he was eyeing.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  It says cookie dough flavor and one gram of carb. I don't even know what these things mean anymore. One gram of this.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  I wasn't out of the bathroom yet. I just heard him talking to himself going, I could use a little treat.

• 11:32Speaker 04

  A little treat.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  A little pick-me-up.

• 11:34Speaker 04

  So, I think when you have the white chocolate raspberry truffle, it's a little treat. I'm not being a gluttonous pig. I'm having a little treat.

• 11:39H. Foley?

  Yes, a little treat.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  That's the difference.

• 11:41H. Foley?

  White chocolate's good for you.

• 11:42Speaker 04

  It's a little treat.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  It's a little treat.

• 11:43H. Foley?

  Now, have you been on the other side of that where you throw a dinner party? You know, I'm sure you put out a nice.

• 11:49Speaker 01

  We're a great host. We got to this, this, the infamous summer party.

• 11:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, we had a caterer.

• 11:54Speaker 01

  Tim Dillon and Steve.

• 11:54Speaker 04

  We had a caterer, so I hired.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  We had valet parking.

• 11:57Speaker 04

  We had valet parking.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  That's how classy this dirtbag can be.

• 12:00Speaker 04

  We hired this guy.

• 12:01H. Foley?

  It was six bucks a car, but.

• 12:02Speaker 04

  It was a little bit.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, fucking whack me out.

• 12:05H. Foley?

  You charged me extra for the SUV.

• 12:07Speaker 04

  I, we hired this guy, this Italian chef from Instagram. This guy doesn't show up because I got food problems. He goes, I got a stomach problems. I have food poisoning. Chef, by the way.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm, great.

• 12:16Speaker 04

  Hey, this scumbag. So this piece of shit, in the morning of the thing, goes, I can't show up, so, but then other people came and they did it. They did a great job.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  Wow, I wouldn't have known there was a hiccup on that.

• 12:25Speaker 04

  We hired, uh, Arthur and Sons.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  I remember, yeah.

• 12:27Speaker 04

  In conjunction with this guy, and they killed it.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Killed it.

• 12:29Speaker 04

  And I think this year, we're gonna do something different. Every year, we did, we did traditional summer food the first year.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:34Speaker 04

  Then we did, uh, Italian food, the last year, which is like Italian. This year, I'm thinking something different. I don't know what it is.

• 12:42H. Foley?

  At what point does this party get to the point where all you, all, all the rich people that you know are chasing Kevin and I around the yard?

• 12:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:49H. Foley?

  And we're greased up and Vaseline naked?

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Cause I have to say, I mean, there was like,

• 12:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  Famous people, like, you know, like fa- there was like, I was talking to one guy, he's like, I'm a huge fan. We go, oh, cool, thanks, man, nice to meet you. And he goes, yeah, my dad owns a casino. And I was like, how the fuck? I go, he goes, yeah, I just met Timmy. I go, what the fuck?

• 13:07Speaker 04

  Shout out to everyone at Ocean's Casino Resort.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 13:10Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  You know what I'm talking about. We were in the back, right, as dirtbags tend to do.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  Smoking.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  We're, we, we find a corner away from everybody where we can go catch a heater.

• 13:19Speaker 04

  I think I hit you up for a butt.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, you did.

• 13:21Speaker 04

  I came and hit him on.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  And you're a good host. You float around, you're doing it.

• 13:24Speaker 04

  Very well.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  And you always come back to your roots. You find the other fat pigs in the back.

• 13:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  Feeny had a, Feeny brought his own cooler, a White Claw.

• 13:33Speaker 04

  Feeny, you forget his-

• 13:34Speaker 01

  And we're back there cranking heaters.

• 13:35Speaker 04

  You forget he's white trash until you see he's got a tattoo on his leg.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:39Speaker 04

  And it's not a good tattoo.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  No, yeah.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  And you go, oh, you're a garbage part. Like, you forget how garbage he is until you see that tattoo on the leg.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, shin tattoo is a bad look.

• 13:46Speaker 04

  So I don't know what we're gonna do this year. I thought maybe sushi, but then that sits out in the sun, not, not too good.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  That's no gun.

• 13:51Speaker 04

  That ain't good.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  No.

• 13:52Speaker 04

  That ain't good. So I don't know. What's a good theme this year for the food?

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 13:56H. Foley?

  Interesting.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  That's pretty good.

• 13:58Speaker 04

  Because, uh, you know,

• 14:00H. Foley?

  Go all Greek?

• 14:01Speaker 04

  Huh?

• 14:02H. Foley?

  Do some gyro?

• 14:03Speaker 04

  Interesting, like a Mediterranean thing. I don't know about that. That gets real sloppy.

• 14:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, that doesn't, that doesn't age as well.

• 14:09H. Foley?

  Everybody smelling like tzatziki? Nobody's making out?

• 14:13Speaker 01

  Smells like a yellow cap?

• 14:13Speaker 04

  That gets real sloppy and heinous.

• 14:17H. Foley?

  What about, uh, what about a luau? What about a whole pig? Do a pig?

• 14:20Speaker 04

  So now I'm think- now by the way.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 14:22Speaker 04

  I'm thinking of doing Polynesian poop poop platter.

• 14:25H. Foley?

  I love it.

• 14:25Speaker 04

  Luau, we get pigs, we get pork.

• 14:28H. Foley?

  Kalua, kalua pork, a little poke bowl.

• 14:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:31H. Foley?

  Some kimchi fried rice.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  That's pretty good.

• 14:33Speaker 04

  And I could, I, I, I know exactly the people to do it. There was this restaurant called The Hurricane Club in New York City.

• 14:38H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  And they had these like peaking duck sandwiches.

• 14:41H. Foley?

  Now you're talking.

• 14:41Speaker 04

  And coconut shrimp. I think we'd do a little tropical luau.

• 14:44H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 14:44Speaker 04

  I like it.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  That's not bad.

• 14:46H. Foley?

  I like a peaking duck too.

• 14:46Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  Love a duck.

• 14:47H. Foley?

  Good duck out there on the island, too.

• 14:49Speaker 04

  Get it all.

• 14:50H. Foley?

  Very good duck.

• 14:51Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 14:52H. Foley?

  Now, have you had people show up to, to something like that, or a smaller affair?

• 14:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, they bring a supermarket pie, like an animal, and I just give it to one of the caterers and say, "Take this to your family. Take this to your family." I give it to the, I literally give the food to the people, bring, I give it to the caterers, and I say, "Take this to your children."

• 15:10Speaker 01

  Do you, do you fake like a "thank you so much"? You go, "Oh, good," and do you, or do you?

• 15:13Speaker 04

  I don't really fake a "thank you." I go, "All right, thanks." Like, it's a quick, it's not like...

• 15:17Speaker 01

  "Somebody take this?"

• 15:18Speaker 04

  It's not like, "Thanks so mu-" "Oh, you went to Stop & Shop?"

• 15:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:21Speaker 04

  "Thanks so much."

• 15:22H. Foley?

  So are you saying Tim Dillon is now beyond the apple crumb pie at a Stop & Shop?

• 15:27Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  At a catered event, yes.

• 15:28Speaker 04

  You gotta go get, here's the thing, I'm, I'm not turning down a pie. If you do something nice, somebody brought some nice Italian cookies, that's nice. Don't go to the grocery store. Don't get something at the grocery store.

• 15:38H. Foley?

  What about the nice icing cookies that they have out?

• 15:40Speaker 04

  They didn't even do that.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  Sure. They could've, they could've done it.

• 15:43H. Foley?

  Get a cookie put on the way.

• 15:44Speaker 04

  If they brought a themed sugar cookie, it's a different story.

• 15:47H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 15:48Speaker 04

  That's a novelty, that's a little treat.

• 15:49H. Foley?

  All right. I like that.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:53H. Foley?

  Okay. We're getting somewhere now. Um, I wanted to ask you this, I'm sure this is something in the family.

• 16:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:00H. Foley?

  If a number's mentioned, 2525, oh, 6392.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  They're pumping gas.

• 16:06H. Foley?

  That's a good number. You should play that number.

• 16:08Speaker 04

  Yes, we think that way.

• 16:10H. Foley?

  You gotta play the number.

• 16:10Speaker 04

  And no one has ever won a thing.

• 16:12H. Foley?

  No.

• 16:12Speaker 04

  No one's won a goddamn thing.

• 16:14H. Foley?

  Now, did you have any heavy lottery people in the family growing up?

• 16:18Speaker 04

  We had a lot of heavy lottery people. My mother had a theory that the scratch off, she said, we gotta play scratch offs in bad areas because you're more likely to win. And I said, why? She goes, because the government gives those people help every now and then with the scratch offs. And I said, well, mom, that sounds very questionable. But again, remember, folks, it's 1998. My mother's doing the best she can. She had a mental illness.

• 16:38H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 16:38Speaker 04

  But that's what she did say. She goes, every now and then the government has to give those people a little hope. That's what she said. So we would drive to real bad areas and she'd buy a scratch off.

• 16:47H. Foley?

  I like it.

• 16:48Speaker 04

  R.I.P. Patricia Dillon.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  Of course, yes. That's, uh, okay.

• 16:52Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 16:53Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 16:53H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 16:54Speaker 04

  Is it the best way to phrase it? Maybe not. But it was her belief system. That's what she believed in.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  They each their own, Dennis.

• 17:01H. Foley?

  Never a winner.

• 17:02Speaker 04

  Never a winner. She didn't win much. Her and her friend Dennis, uh, my father, uh, Dennis was like, I rented a room in her house. I used to drive up to Foxwoods and, uh, Mohegan Sun and they would never win.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  Hmm. That's, yeah.

• 17:16H. Foley?

  Never win.

• 17:16Speaker 04

  It was tough.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  I don't think anybody's ever won at Mohegan Sun, for being honest.

• 17:19Speaker 04

  Well, sometimes they'd stay in their van. She had a big Econo line van and they, they wouldn't spend the money on a room. They go, let's, let's skip it.

• 17:24Speaker 01

  Crash in a van.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  We'll crash in a van and then just spend more money. You know, we'll try to get them next time. Get them tomorrow.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  Get them next time.

• 17:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  Okay. I respect that.

• 17:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:32H. Foley?

  Kippee Aura Frames.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  Aura Frames, Aura Frames, Aura Frames.

• 17:35H. Foley?

  This Mother's Day.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 17:37H. Foley?

  You want to knock it out of the park? You want to look like a goddamn hero in front of your mom, your mother-in-law? Shut her up a little bit.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  Even your wife?

• 17:44H. Foley?

  Your grandma, your wife? Sure. Do yourself a favor. Aura Frames. Digital frame. They throw it up on the counter. They throw it up on the mantle. They get to keep up what's going on with Jimmy, Tommy, Billy, Bobby, the whole clan. Aura Frames, the best Mother's Day gift you're ever gonna get on sale right now.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's the best if, uh, it's, it's great for a family member that lives far away. Like, uh, Denise is a couple hours away from me. I can't make it down there. So you just, uh, throw her a picture frame, upload the pic. Hey, look, it's just like I'm here.

• 18:14H. Foley?

  I'm still going bald.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  It's just like I'm at dinner. Uh, Aura Frames was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter and featured in 495 gift guides last year.

• 18:24H. Foley?

  Woo!

• 18:25Speaker 01

  So next time you need to call your mom so you can also send her a new pic of you with that trip you've been telling her about, right from your phone. Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Matte Frame. That's Aura, A-U-R-A, Frames.com, promo code GARBAGE. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Now let's get back to the show.

• 18:49H. Foley?

  Yeah. Can't much talk about Huell.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm about to Huell up, dog.

• 18:52H. Foley?

  Gang, Huell is a complete meal in one bottle with 35 grams of protein, 27 essential vitamins and minerals, high fiber, low sugar, so you'll feel focused, feel good, and feel on the go and feel fantastic. We're talking about no prep.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  That's a lot of feeling.

• 19:08H. Foley?

  No cleanup, just grab and go. Huell's already sold over 500 million meals around the world, and now it's your turn to try it.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, shout out to Huell. They sent us a, I'm talking a crate.

• 19:18H. Foley?

  Woo!

• 19:19Speaker 01

  A crate of these Johns.

• 19:20H. Foley?

  Delish.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  Boy, the boys are out.

• 19:22H. Foley?

  Thought it was a milkshake.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  We're typically ordering delivery. We got na, na, na.

• 19:26H. Foley?

  Fantastic.

• 19:27Speaker 01

  Huell me up back into the hard feelings lab, dog. How you doing? Huell's perfectly balanced meal while saving you time. Designed by experts to provide all the nutrients your body needs from a meal. Huell takes the guesswork and time out of healthy eating. No prep, no cooking. They taste good. Taste like a milkshake and they come in delicious chocolate or vanilla. I'm a chocolate guy, that's just that.

• 19:49H. Foley?

  Vanilla.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  Plus, they got the bonus. They got low shogie in them. Low sugar. And plus, lastly, Huell is incredibly affordable with high protein meals less than $5. It's a budget-friendly option that we are stoked about. Start saving time and money without compromising your nutrition today with our exclusive offer for new customers. They get 15% plus a free gift using our code AYG at Huell.com. That's 15% plus a free gift for new customers using our exclusive code AYG at Huell.com. Please see our description for the terms and conditions. Skip the stress, not the nutrition. Try Huell today for the complete nutrition bottled.

• 20:35H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 20:36Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 20:37H. Foley?

  I love it.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  While we're on the topic of food here, let's say you're at your local mall, you're growing up, you're at the mall food court, it's about dinnertime. What's the Timmy D. move there?

• 20:48H. Foley?

  I'll tell you.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  At a mall food court?

• 20:50H. Foley?

  The year is 2004.

• 20:53Speaker 04

  Okay. Uh.

• 20:54H. Foley?

  Lower the lights.

• 20:54Speaker 04

  The year is 2004.

• 20:56H. Foley?

  I can smell the walk and roll.

• 20:57Speaker 04

  I'm walking around a mall with my good friend Ryan.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  What was the name of the mall, by the way?

• 21:01Speaker 04

  The Roosevelt Field Mall.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  Okay, it could have been the Source, probably not, Roosevelt Field. I'm walking around with my good friends Ryan, Ryan, not kidding, Tim, and potentially another Ryan. We're walking around, sure, we've been to Spencer's Gifts.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 21:18Speaker 04

  We've sat in the Sharper Image.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:20Speaker 04

  We've been massaged, okay? We've, we've, we've walked around, we've, we've stumbled into a...

• 21:26Speaker 01

  You've entered to win the car.

• 21:27Speaker 04

  Aeropostale. We've walked by the Models at Abercrombie and Fitch.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 21:34Speaker 04

  Now it's time for a sample of bourbon chicken. I settle into...

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Just to whet the whistle.

• 21:39Speaker 04

  Settle into a Ranch One Chicken and Cheese, which Ranch One was a great mall chicken sandwich. Look up Ranch One.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  I don't know Ranch One.

• 21:47Speaker 04

  Chicken and Cheese, okay?

• 21:50Speaker 01

  Ranch One's location's...

• 21:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, Ranch One was a Long Island thing.

• 21:54Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:54Speaker 04

  And they had a lot of great chicken sandwiches, but they were all over the tri-state.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 21:58Speaker 04

  But here's, here's the...

• 21:59H. Foley?

  Yes, I know what you're talking about.

• 22:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, those things around...

• 22:01Speaker 01

  Looks good.

• 22:02Speaker 04

  But here's the reality, here's where we really went if we were at the mall and we were, were not doing Food Court. Cause a lot of times we would do Food Court, which could be whatever.

• 22:16Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:17Speaker 04

  But if we weren't at the mall, we would go to the Cheesecake Factory.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  The Cheesecake Factory for us symbolized the promises that this country kept.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 22:29H. Foley?

  2004, wow.

• 22:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:31H. Foley?

  Talk about ahead of the game.

• 22:32Speaker 01

  Early adopter.

• 22:33Speaker 04

  Early adopter of the Cheesecake Factory.

• 22:35H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  I must have went for the first time probably about five years ago.

• 22:38Speaker 04

  I forget when we started going, but it was, we were young.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 22:42Speaker 04

  We were kids.

• 22:43H. Foley?

  Man.

• 22:43Speaker 04

  We were kids.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  What's the, what's the order there? Then and then now, what do you get?

• 22:46H. Foley?

  That's like landing on the moon, god damn.

• 22:48Speaker 04

  I mean, the Cheesecake Factory, when we first started going, we were young people, I, I, I think we were getting, you know, they, they had quesadillas, they had a great burger with, with the, with the French potato chips on it.

• 23:02H. Foley?

  Crispy onions.

• 23:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, with crispy onions. They had, you know, all kinds of different shit. They had a salmon that was crusted with herbs and a lemon butter sauce if you wanted to feel cool.

• 23:12H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 23:13Speaker 04

  You would try to get maybe a little bit of a salmon.

• 23:15H. Foley?

  A little macadamia.

• 23:16Speaker 04

  Little macadamia. One time, me and my friend Ryan were at the mall. We went to this restaurant. We're drinking apple martinis, getting hammered. We're 11th grade. Fake IDs, not at the Cheesecake Factory, but at this other place. His father came and picked us up. We get in the car, we're hammered. His father goes, I know you're both drunk, and he goes, your mother's gonna kill you. Cause we're just breathing fire.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Apple tini's.

• 23:37Speaker 04

  Apple tini's just fire, right? And he goes, your mother's gonna kill you. He goes, when you go in, just walk right to your room. Don't even, don't even speak to your mother. Don't say anything. And we walked in and we just went like right downstairs and just kinda sat there, just hammered. But that was the fun of going out when you were younger, is trying to get, do the fake IDs work and let's get fucked up.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:56H. Foley?

  On apple tini's.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  And you always order something you've seen on TV or a movie.

• 24:00Speaker 04

  We were just like, cause the waitress literally said, our special is an apple martini. And we were too nervous to order anything. Deborah just said, we'll take two of those. And keep them coming. Keep them coming. We're 12 years old.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:12H. Foley?

  Oh, that's good stuff.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  Huh.

• 24:13H. Foley?

  I'd like to step into the bathroom for just a quick second.

• 24:16Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 24:17H. Foley?

  Um, this is something I've been noticing that I do, uh, as a bigger guy. I don't really know why I do it. I just feel more comfortable. Um, at home or away, when you're, when you're using the facilities, do you work with the toilet paper off the roller? Or do you find yourself taking it and holding it in your hand and using it from there?

• 24:36Speaker 04

  I do it in the hand.

• 24:37H. Foley?

  I've been freestyling it too.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  You put your thing in then like.

• 24:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, you freestyle it. It's a better situation.

• 24:42H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 24:43Speaker 04

  Well, because the other thing, it like breaks. It's like one by one. It's terrible.

• 24:46H. Foley?

  Yeah, I like to have it in my hand.

• 24:48Speaker 04

  It's terrible.

• 24:48H. Foley?

  Steadicam style.

• 24:49Speaker 04

  And I'm only, I really try not to use the bathroom publicly if possible.

• 24:54H. Foley?

  Interesting.

• 24:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, cause it's, it's terrible now.

• 24:58H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 24:58Speaker 04

  Bathrooms have declined.

• 25:00H. Foley?

  Brings up another, another thing that we've been talking about lately on the podcast. Let's say you're at somebody's house for said dinner party or, you know, Christmas or whatever, and you have to use the bathroom.

• 25:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:11H. Foley?

  One, will you use it?

• 25:12Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 25:13H. Foley?

  Two, will you go upstairs?

• 25:15Speaker 04

  Um, I'll try to go to a bathroom that isn't local.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 25:19Speaker 04

  But I think you have to use it, and I think people know, know that, and if, that's just the way it is.

• 25:25H. Foley?

  How would you feel if we were at, at, at your party, I had to go, I can't use that one off the kitchen, because I'm gonna embarrass everybody.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 25:34H. Foley?

  Embarrass myself. Would you be okay with me wandering upstairs and using, let's say, yours in the master bedroom? Would that be a problem?

• 25:42Speaker 04

  No, you can use any bathroom you want.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Really?

• 25:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, you could use any bathroom you want.

• 25:46H. Foley?

  Gentlemen.

• 25:47Speaker 04

  I think it's, it's the right thing to do.

• 25:48Speaker 01

  I respect that.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  I think it's the right thing to do.

• 25:50H. Foley?

  I, okay.

• 25:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:52Speaker 01

  All right.

• 25:53Speaker 04

  I think you could use the one by the kitchen, too. That's the help. That's the help in there. They deal with that. They gotta do that. They gotta go, some guy just came in and took a shit all over this salad.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  Somebody let a bear in here?

• 26:04Speaker 04

  Yeah. Hey, hey, you're the help. I'll, I'll explain it to them. I go, listen, I had a lot of shitty jobs. You're in the middle of one of them.

• 26:11H. Foley?

  Keep the Santa Fe egg rolls coming. And enjoy that.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:14H. Foley?

  I'll be out by the pool having a parliament.

• 26:16Speaker 04

  Yeah. They'll go, some guy just shit all over everything. I'll go, well, get the sorbet and head on out of there.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Save the chicken parm.

• 26:24H. Foley?

  We gotta load him back up.

• 26:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:26H. Foley?

  Okay, very good.

• 26:27Speaker 04

  All right.

• 26:28H. Foley?

  Very good. Uh, growing up, was there ever a family picture where you were all wearing the same thing? Maybe a white linen shirt on the beach?

• 26:37Speaker 04

  No, because, you know, um, no, I don't think so. We never coordinated our clothing with, with each other.

• 26:45H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 26:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, we kinda pretended not to know each other.

• 26:48H. Foley?

  I love that.

• 26:49Speaker 04

  Actually.

• 26:49H. Foley?

  Which, it's funny because there's a thin line between that. It's garbage, even like, you know, rich people and well-to-do people like to do, everybody's wearing the white shirt on the beach. Which, that's trashy in itself, but when you look at a family picture and you're like, do these people know each other?

• 27:05Speaker 04

  Right.

• 27:06H. Foley?

  Is super garbage.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  Looks like a bus stop.

• 27:08Speaker 04

  My, my family has the same, uh, expression on their face on every family photo, and it's this. Oh, we're doing this.

• 27:15Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:15Speaker 04

  I guess we're a family. I guess that's what they call this, for tax purposes.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 27:20Speaker 04

  I guess for tax purposes, these two, this fat woman and her child will be in my photo. I also make no money. You know what I mean? Like, I also have nothing.

• 27:30H. Foley?

  You are.

• 27:31Speaker 04

  We just didn't have a lot of money. When you grow up and you're, you're, you don't have a lot of stuff, there wasn't a ton to celebrate.

• 27:37H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 27:37Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? It wasn't like I was the pride of the family. I was on a swim team, okay? I didn't exactly earn a gold medal. Okay? Every, every, every moment growing up with me was utter shame.

• 27:49Speaker 04

  The best case scenario is I got caught smoking somewhere. They'd go, "Thank God, he's doing something that, at least he can do that well."

• 27:55Speaker 01

  He's not a complete pussy.

• 27:56H. Foley?

  Would the family come to the, the, the swim meets? Would they come and support?

• 28:00Speaker 04

  My mother was the coach.

• 28:01H. Foley?

  Really?

• 28:02Speaker 04

  I come from a long line of fat lifeguards. It's actually the most discriminated group. I don't really want to hear anything about, uh, I don't know, trans people or Filipinos. Who's ever screaming out there? You put a whistle on and you're overweight, you get out there on the deck? People, your authority. Start getting real cautious in the water.

• 28:22Speaker 04

  I'll tell you right now, it's just not, you don't have a ton of authority being a fat lifeguard, but you have to be and you have to fight harder for it.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  You can only cannonball to save people.

• 28:32Speaker 04

  You have to fight harder for it, like the Ukraine.

• 28:36H. Foley?

  Oh, beautiful.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  Uh, uh huh. Why we're on childhood a little bit, take a step back?

• 28:41H. Foley?

  Please.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  What was the first concert that you went to?

• 28:44Speaker 04

  First concert, uh, Whitney Houston in, uh,

• 28:48Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 28:48Speaker 04

  I was eight years old and we went to Radio City. It was like Christmas week, she was there, it was a great concert. She showed up an hour late.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  She was having fun. And, uh, she showed up an hour late, but she killed it. That was back when the crack wasn't affecting the performance.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  It was probably amping it up a little bit.

• 29:04Speaker 04

  It was heightening it.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:05H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:06Speaker 01

  She was really getting.

• 29:07Speaker 04

  You know, like, she was in it.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  Hitting his own.

• 29:09Speaker 04

  But she showed up an hour late, people were angry, but I was eight years old, went to one of my uncle's restaurants, nice, and it was like a nice family thing.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  That's fun.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  Cause she was singing like the family, you know what I mean?

• 29:19H. Foley?

  Christmas, New York City, you could smell the walnuts cooking or whatever they are.

• 29:22Speaker 04

  She was like the most wholesome thing happening.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  It was all over the radio at the time, yeah.

• 29:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I mean, she was killing it and she's still one of the greatest singers ever, maybe,

• 29:29H. Foley?

  The best.

• 29:29Speaker 04

  Maybe the best ever.

• 29:30H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:31Speaker 04

  And she killed it, she was a little late.

• 29:32H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 04

  Traffic. And she said something, she goes, "Don't read what you're reading in the tabloids about me and my husband, everything's fine." And everyone clapped, and my father went, "You tell him." My father literally was sitting next to me, goes, "You tell him, Whitney." He literally said, she goes, "Don't," she was clearly on crack, she goes,

• 29:49Speaker 04

  She goes, "They're reading this, and then a husband in the tabloids, "We're doing fine. Don't read, don't care about it, what people are saying." And my dad goes, "You tell them, Whitney, it's clearly on crack." She's a talented woman.

• 30:00H. Foley?

  Very.

• 30:01Speaker 01

  Okay. Uh, and I, listen, this is a little old hat at the moment, but I don't think we ever got your Domino's or Pizza Hut?

• 30:10Speaker 04

  Well, here's the thing, it started out Pizza Hut, we went, it was, here's the deal, the Pizza Hut had a lunch buffet, it was $6. We've talked about this.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  Their heyday was their heyday.

• 30:17Speaker 04

  They had dessert pizzas, they had the cherry one, they had the apple one, Pizza Hut had the stuff cross. It was Pizza Hut's game to lose in this country.

• 30:24H. Foley?

  Yes, sure, and they did.

• 30:25Speaker 04

  And they effing lost it.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  Okay, okay.

• 30:27Speaker 04

  They fucking lost it, and then I switched over to Domino's in about 8th grade.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Good.

• 30:32Speaker 04

  And I haven't looked back, flirted with Papa John's.

• 30:35Speaker 01

  Never did it for you.

• 30:36Speaker 04

  I'm comfortable with the racism.

• 30:37H. Foley?

  And a little too tangy on the sauce. You pull it back a little bit.

• 30:41Speaker 04

  The thing with Papa John's is the bread, it's like this weird, like, it feels like the sauce is a little tangy, also, it's like, doesn't feel like pizza, it's like a pastry.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a little puffy.

• 30:51H. Foley?

  I agree.

• 30:51Speaker 04

  It's a little puffy, it's like, oh, a pastry.

• 30:53H. Foley?

  I agree, I don't know if anybody's had Domino's recently, those guys are getting it together.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  I love Domino's. If we're on the road, it's the only thing you can get in fucking Tulsa or something, I'm going Domino's.

• 31:03Speaker 04

  If you do a nice, you go from a Domino's wing.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 31:08Speaker 04

  To a, my go-to with Domino's is I like a pepper and onion, I like a green pepper and onion pie, you know what I mean?

• 31:13H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 31:13Speaker 04

  Get the veggies out, let's treat, let's take care of ourselves.

• 31:16H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 31:17Speaker 04

  Let's treat ourselves, but also take care of ourselves.

• 31:19H. Foley?

  Longevity.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:20H. Foley?

  It's like living in a, it's like living in a blue zone.

• 31:22Speaker 04

  Here for a good time, at a long time.

• 31:23H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 31:26H. Foley?

  Absolutely.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  And I love, and you go from, you go from a nice, that, and then, but here's the thing, Domino's used to have a thing called twisty bread.

• 31:34Speaker 01

  Sure, am I an asshole?

• 31:36Speaker 04

  Before, and it was just this bread, that was like this garlicky bread that sat with like this herb oil mixture, and it was great.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:44H. Foley?

  Delicious.

• 31:44Speaker 04

  It was like a big garlic knot, and it went away, went the way of the dodo.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 31:49H. Foley?

  The garlic knot does not get enough love in this country.

• 31:52Speaker 04

  It gets a little bit of it, but you know what it is, the garlic knot isn't always executed well, sometimes people.

• 31:58H. Foley?

  I agree.

• 31:59Speaker 01

  He's not wrong.

• 31:59H. Foley?

  They sit out a lot.

• 32:00Speaker 04

  They sit out.

• 32:00H. Foley?

  Yeah, they sit out.

• 32:01Speaker 04

  You're eating a three-day-old knot.

• 32:04H. Foley?

  Gotta do them fresh.

• 32:05Speaker 04

  Make fresh knots, you just got out of jail. Be happy. You're free.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  Have a little fucking self-respect.

• 32:11Speaker 04

  Have a little pride. You just got out of prison. Have a knot.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  Your whole work release.

• 32:14Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 32:14H. Foley?

  Was there ever a show as a family in the Dylan household that yous all watched together?

• 32:20Speaker 04

  No, because my mother and father hated each other. So she didn't really like to be in the same room with him.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Fair enough.

• 32:30Speaker 04

  There was no show that was more powerful than that. Me and him would watch all kinds of shit. You know, every now and then, there might, maybe there'd be a movie on that we'd all try to get through.

• 32:40H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 32:40Speaker 04

  And then during one of the-

• 32:42Speaker 01

  What a way to put that for dysfunctional family. You try to get through.

• 32:45Speaker 04

  Cause during one of the breaks, my mother'd go, "By the way, how we gonna pay the bills this month? We don't have any money. You're a loser." And I'd go, "Hey, can we just finish The Golden Child?"

• 32:55H. Foley?

  Shut up, Eddie Murphy.

• 32:56Speaker 04

  I'd really like to see the end of The Golden Child before, before you two start screaming in each other's faces. I'd like to finish the end of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, if that's possible.

• 33:06H. Foley?

  The Golden Child, man.

• 33:08Speaker 04

  Both of you, both of you are not educated and you've done nothing for this family.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 33:12Speaker 04

  Yeah. I know it's a blame game, but...

• 33:15Speaker 01

  Uh, and I don't know if we touched on this the first time. Did you pack a lunch or did you, or did you buy lunch at school?

• 33:20Speaker 04

  We started buying lunch. We started packing lunch. You know, here's the thing. The perfect example of my family is like my father, we went, we like, there's a boardwalk a town over from mine. It's like two miles. One morning, my father gets me out of bed like he's mad. He goes, "Get over it. Get up. Get in the car." I go, "Okay." We go down to the boardwalk. He goes, "We're gonna do jog a block, walk a block, and we're gonna get in fucking shape." And I was like, you know, I was like, seventh grade, like a little pudgy kid. I'm like, "All right, let's do it." So we did that, and then at the end of the day, he goes, "We're doing this every morning. We never did it again."

• 33:54Speaker 01

  Dude, my dad did the same exact thing to me. We fucking ran down a hill. Our street was on a hill. Our house was on a hill. We ran down the hill and it got uphill and he smoked three packs a day.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  We had to walk back, never fucking ran.

• 34:10Speaker 04

  It never happened again. So that was like with the- Lunch thing, like they'd go like this, they go, we're not, you're bringing lunch.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  Then laziness hits them.

• 34:18Speaker 04

  We're bringing lunch. We're not doing this bullshit. Third day, they're like, here's three dollars, you get out of here.

• 34:24Speaker 01

  It's pizza day.

• 34:25Speaker 04

  It's pizza day.

• 34:26H. Foley?

  We always had the thing, me and my brother, they'd, mom do the same thing, you're packing your lunch. We'd go through those, the variety chip bag in about two hours. There'd be nothing left for the week.

• 34:37Speaker 04

  My school lunch favorite, you do a fish stick, you do a tater tot and a little canned string bean. You do a hot dog, you do beans, a little sauerkraut, okay? You do some chicken nuggets, you do french fries, you do a little corn.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  I've never heard anybody like the vegetables, that's crazy.

• 34:51Speaker 04

  Oh, no, these are canned vegetables, they got a lot of sugar, they're very good.

• 34:54H. Foley?

  Canned green beans are awesome.

• 34:55Speaker 04

  Friday's pizza day. Sure. Nice pizza. Um, every now and then, there'd be like, uh, and then we, you know, for a while there in seventh and eighth grade, we actually had a little frozen yogurt machine, a little fro-yo.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  No kidding?

• 35:08Speaker 04

  And this is a true story, there was a, you were allowed one little cup of sprinkles with the yogurt. I took a bunch of sprinkles.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:16Speaker 04

  And the woman said to me, you're not allowed to take them. She was like a woman from like, what, Eastern Europe? And I told her, and I, again, I'm not saying this to act. I was in eighth grade.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  Don't try this at home, kids.

• 35:29Speaker 04

  And she said, you cannot have this. And I went, hey, hey, hey, shut up.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  You ran this exact outfit.

• 35:38Speaker 04

  I told her, shut up.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  He's got the glasses on.

• 35:40Speaker 04

  I told her, shut up. She's from Eastern Europe. I don't know where she was from, maybe the Balkans. Shut up.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  Could have been Delaware.

• 35:47Speaker 04

  She really had a hard life. And I just said, shut up. And she started crying like I've never seen a human being cry. She started bawling like I had told her that she was, that her kids had died. I said, shut up. And she said, no! And she just started crying and she went to the principal. And she went to the principal and I had to sit in the principal's office.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  My head hurts.

• 36:11Speaker 04

  While he called my mother and father. And he finally got my mother and he goes, is this Mrs. Dillon? And she said, yeah. And he goes, he just told one of the lunch aids to shut up. And she goes, I cannot believe he said that. And he goes, he stole sprinkles from the frozen yogurt? And she's told him he was not allowed to have them and he told her to shut up.

• 36:37Speaker 04

  And then I went back to my house and my mother said, "You never say a word like that again. I can't believe you said that." And she goes, "Now, what is this about the sprinkles?" I said, "They give you one cup of sprinkles for the yogurt." She goes, "That is ridiculous."

• 36:48Speaker 01

  That's how sad. How you supposed to live? This is fucking America.

• 36:52Speaker 04

  That is absurd.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  Hey ladies, this isn't communist Cheko Zabaki anymore.

• 36:56Speaker 04

  We're paying taxes, okay? It's not Kosovo.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  Make good with the sprinkies.

• 37:00H. Foley?

  Yeah, what are we doing here? Come on.

• 37:02Speaker 04

  Give me those.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 37:05H. Foley?

  Okay, but saw the good people bought Acorns.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  Shout out to Acorns.

• 37:08H. Foley?

  Gang, as you know, April is Financial Literacy Month. That's right, they made a whole month reminding you to be financially responsible and be in control of your money. And the good news is, you don't need 30 days to do it.

• 37:22Speaker 01

  Nope.

• 37:23H. Foley?

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• 37:43Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, listen, I've been a big proponent of Acorns for years now. It's been the only way I've been able to squirrel away a couple of bucks. That's it. If you want to say, I was unable to save until Acorns. That is a, that is a fact, baby. So if you sign up right now, join over the 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $25 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com.

• 38:06H. Foley?

  Three grand, that's mine.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  Head to acorns.com/garbage or download the Acorns app to get started. Uh, this is a paid client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier one compensation provided. Investing involves risk. Acorn Advisors LLC is an SEC-registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com/garbage. Do it.

• 38:29Speaker 04

  Do it.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Now, back to the show.

• 38:30Speaker 04

  Get back to the show.

• 38:33Speaker 03

  Witness the beginning of the revolution.

• 38:36Speaker 05

  Hey Mitch, you've been trying to take down these games from the start.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  Filmed for IMAX.

• 38:40Speaker 05

  Make them remember you.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping, November 20th, rated PG-13.

• 38:46Speaker 04

  Was the cereal on top of the fridge at your house growing up? Yes, it was. Yes, it was. Apple Jacks, thank you very much. No kidding. Ooh, the fall. Wow. It's called the fall. Honey Nut Cheerios. Gentlemen. Apple Jacks. I'd fight with her because I wanted Lucky Charms, but she didn't want it. She didn't like some of these things. It had yellow dye number three. But I'll tell you right now, just for a little segue here for cereal, a Corn Pop. Of course. A nice Corn Pop, a Count Chocula. Really? Yeah. Wow. Cookie Crisp. That's what you were getting? These were, well, these were the fantasy items. I didn't get them because my mother was being a bitch, but like, I always wanted them. That makes sense. Alright. Waffle Crisp. Yeah.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  Okay, like, all of these things I wanted, but the kids who, there was this kid, Ryan. They're all named Ryan. What the fuck? I'm just saying. His parents were alcoholic drunks, and they hung out at a bar called The Shamrock. And before we went into his house, he'd go, "My house is really dirty." He was real embarrassed about his house. Okay? He lived by a bar called The Little Red Choo Choo. But his parents got into an altercation at the Choo Choo, and they were only served at The Shamrock. Sure. This is all true. Only served at The Shamrock. I love Park, New York. Someone in the comments will go, "This is all, I don't have this imagination."

• 40:05H. Foley?

  Man, when a bartender says, "I can't serve you anymore."

• 40:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, you walk in, "Timmy, you know you're not allowed it."

• 40:11H. Foley?

  Divorce papers.

• 40:12Speaker 04

  The kid, Ryan, would go, "My parents, they're not allowed it to Choo Choo." And so what happened was, we would go to his house, and he had the good stuff. There you go.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, because his parents are out fucking boozing.

• 40:22Speaker 04

  He had, um, the, the, the, the, the king for me was always Lucky Charms. That was the king. And he had it. And we would go over there, and we'd eat Lucky Charms with him, and his parents would be passed out. Because they drank all night.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:38Speaker 04

  And they'd sleep all day. And every now and then, we'd go into his house, and he'd have like a black eye. Because it was sad.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  He fell down the stairs.

• 40:46Speaker 04

  It was really sad. And he'd have a black eye. And then he'd go, "Yeah, man, my house is really dirty." And it was tough. It was really, really hard. He had a hard life.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  And it says a lot.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Did you stay in touch with him?

• 40:59Speaker 04

  Not really. Not really, but you know.

• 41:02H. Foley?

  Still got that good cereal?

• 41:04Speaker 04

  You know, I, I, it was, it was eye-opening for me.

• 41:07Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  To see the struggles.

• 41:09H. Foley?

  That's what it takes to get the good cereal.

• 41:11Speaker 04

  And, but, you know.

• 41:12H. Foley?

  Be happy with your cornflakes.

• 41:13Speaker 04

  At the end of the day, I did enjoy that cereal. And we, we were making his life better by going.

• 41:19H. Foley?

  I agree.

• 41:20Speaker 04

  Because a lot of kids felt bad hanging out there.

• 41:22H. Foley?

  Would you add sugar to the stuff? So what would you actually get? Would you get the honey and the Cheerios?

• 41:25Speaker 04

  They'd buy a Rice Krispie or a cornflake. They thought they were doing the right thing.

• 41:29H. Foley?

  Would you doctor that up with a little sugar, a little banana?

• 41:31Speaker 04

  You would hit it with a little cane. A little raw cane sugar. My grandfather would hit it too. Some bananas on a cornflake, you hit with a little sugar. I like Special K. Special K's not bad.

• 41:39H. Foley?

  Delicious.

• 41:40Speaker 04

  Special K's not that bad.

• 41:42H. Foley?

  No, not at all. Has a sweetness for it, okay.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  Uh, favorite kind of Dorito?

• 41:48Speaker 04

  Cool Ranch. Very, very simple.

• 41:50H. Foley?

  Very nice. What about a Bugle?

• 41:53Speaker 04

  I like a Bugle. My grandmother loved a Bugle with a three doers on the rocks and a bugle.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  A bugle kicker?

• 41:58Speaker 04

  Three doers on the rocks and a ball of Bugles? She was off to the races. A little BBC British crime drama, a couple of Bugles.

• 42:06H. Foley?

  That's a wild combo.

• 42:07Speaker 04

  Off to the races.

• 42:08Speaker 01

  I get it.

• 42:08H. Foley?

  Wild combo.

• 42:09Speaker 04

  Off to the races.

• 42:10Speaker 01

  Just salty enough.

• 42:12H. Foley?

  Was there ever a bowl of nuts? In the house, like on the coffee table maybe?

• 42:16Speaker 04

  No.

• 42:16H. Foley?

  Never?

• 42:16Speaker 04

  We didn't really have a bowl of nuts.

• 42:18H. Foley?

  The walnuts, the crackers, nothing like that?

• 42:20Speaker 04

  Every now and then, we didn't, we didn't have like anything for anyone. It was not like the house where it was like, oh, you're here, have some of this.

• 42:26H. Foley?

  Yeah, okay.

• 42:26Speaker 04

  Uh, we didn't really have any of that. Uh, around Easter, we'd have maybe a bowl of candy. Or around like, uh, Christmas, we might have some Christmas M&M's out.

• 42:36H. Foley?

  Mmm.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  Were you one of those families that had like the stand with the hook for the, for the bushel of bananas?

• 42:42Speaker 04

  No.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  No. Those guys.

• 42:44Speaker 04

  No, they just sat on the table. The bushel sat on the kitchen table. Yeah.

• 42:48H. Foley?

  And they'd put them in the freezer and say they're gonna make banana bread out of them. I mean, they'd find them like a year later back there.

• 42:54Speaker 04

  I mean, yeah, it's, it was, you know.

• 42:56Speaker 01

  Hmm, have you ever had a tennis racket?

• 42:59Speaker 04

  We had rackets, we played, we tried to play a little bit. Like, that's another thing. My dad would be like, "We're gonna, we're gonna make him into a tennis player. We'll make him into an actor, he'll be a swimmer."

• 43:07H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 43:08Speaker 04

  And then you know what I ended up being? A cocaine addict. So, really what they ended up doing was just making me into a cocaine addict.

• 43:15H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 43:15Speaker 04

  A closeted gay cocaine addict who enthusiastically supported the Iraq war.

• 43:20Speaker 01

  That's a, that's a mix.

• 43:22H. Foley?

  And had a hanukkah for Count Chocula.

• 43:24Speaker 04

  So, you know, it's a, it's a, they didn't really hit the, it was a moving target.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  Sure. Huh. Well, I got one more about the childhood. Who's the most famous person you met as a kid?

• 43:35Speaker 04

  Good question.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Could've been a newscaster.

• 43:38Speaker 04

  Mark Spitz. He was an Olympic swimmer.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  No kidding?

• 43:41Speaker 04

  Mark Spitz. He came, cause my mom is a swim coach and I was on the swim team and, uh...

• 43:46H. Foley?

  Pretty good.

• 43:47Speaker 04

  I think I said to him, I'm like, "You do butterfly, I do butterfly. I'd love to be in the Olympics." I think he's like, "All right, get away from me. Just gremlin away from me."

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Kid's going through my pockets.

• 43:56Speaker 04

  "You like Lucky Charms?" He's like, "Wait, if you're taking it, if you're taking this so seriously, why are you smoking a cigarette? Why are you smoking in a pool?"

• 44:05Speaker 01

  You're in the pool. I'll see you later.

• 44:07Speaker 04

  "I like Newport's. They raised your high 15%." Did you know that, Mark Spitz? Olympic swimmer? They kicked your high up about 15%.

• 44:17H. Foley?

  That's too good. Not being in the city, but did you ever walk to work? Did you ever have to walk to work?

• 44:25Speaker 04

  No.

• 44:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 44:26H. Foley?

  Always had a car.

• 44:27Speaker 04

  I nev- well, I, I would took the bus. I didn't always have a car, but I never worked close enough to my house. I took a bus.

• 44:33H. Foley?

  You took a public bus in the suburbs?

• 44:35Speaker 04

  I took a public bus all the time.

• 44:36H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 44:36Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 44:39H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 44:41Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 44:41Speaker 01

  I had to be different. Long Island's public transportation has to be different than the public transportation of most suburbs.

• 44:45H. Foley?

  You're still in the suburbs.

• 44:47Speaker 04

  You're still in the burbs, but here's the deal. Nobody on the bus, it's not a good scene.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  No, yeah, no, no one's killing it.

• 44:52Speaker 04

  It's not a good scene. It's a bunch of guys who had deewees and all that, you know? It's been some old people.

• 44:58H. Foley?

  A lot of people carrying clothes and plastic bags.

• 45:01Speaker 04

  Couple of undesirables?

• 45:01H. Foley?

  Yes. Whoa.

• 45:03Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 45:03Speaker 04

  What did Hillary say? Basket of deplorables? That was the bus.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  That was the bus.

• 45:07Speaker 04

  A real basket of deplorables.

• 45:10H. Foley?

  Have you ever sat at the desk at a bank? You ever sat at the desk?

• 45:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was a mortgage guy for years.

• 45:15H. Foley?

  That's true.

• 45:15Speaker 04

  Of course I could.

• 45:16H. Foley?

  But have you ever been on the other side of that?

• 45:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was told many times they were closing my account. Many times I'd walk in and they'd go, "You haven't made a payment in three months." And I'd sit there and I'd go, "Is something wrong?" I've been embarrassed in banks, shamed, rather. I mean, I lost a house, I had, my house was more closed. I had no credit for years. And I'd go to the bank, I always had like an ill-fitting suit. And I'd sit down and they'd go,

• 45:41Speaker 04

  "Mr. Dillon, you can't even, your account was closed." And I'd always be work, I'd always make a, sell a mortgage after three months of earning no money. And I'd go, "Are you here to deposit a check?" They'd go, "Your account's closed and we can't reopen it." "You gotta settle up, you owe us like 600 or something." Then I'd just quietly put the check back in my thing and go, "I'll see ya, I'll get on that."

• 46:01H. Foley?

  I don't have that on me right now.

• 46:02Speaker 04

  I'll get on that. And then I, she goes, "You can pay it out of your check." I go, "Yeah, yeah." And then I'd go to the check cashing place and then put the cash right in the pocket.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  Love a check cashing.

• 46:10Speaker 04

  I love a check cashing.

• 46:11H. Foley?

  Take the 20 bucks.

• 46:12Speaker 04

  Take the 8.

• 46:12H. Foley?

  Take a taste, take it.

• 46:14Speaker 04

  Take a taste of Friday, take a taste.

• 46:16H. Foley?

  Give me some cash.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  I need it now.

• 46:18Speaker 04

  I'd go right to the Imperial Diner and live like a person, gentlemen.

• 46:21H. Foley?

  I love it, okay.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  Uh, speaking of dining, breakfast, you know, say you're at a hotel. Do you prefer the breakfast at the hotel restaurant or do you get the room service delivered? What do you prefer?

• 46:31Speaker 04

  I'd like a room service delivery.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 46:33Speaker 04

  I don't really wanna see everybody that early.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 46:35Speaker 04

  Let me ease into the day.

• 46:37Speaker 01

  And then do you let the guy come in? Or do you stop him at the door and say, "I'll take it from here"?

• 46:41Speaker 04

  Depends what I've ordered.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  If I'm really going to hell with myself, you might have to set it up.

• 46:46Speaker 01

  There's a team out there.

• 46:50Speaker 04

  You might have to set it up. Are we doing anything tableside? It really depends on what's coming in.

• 47:00Speaker 04

  Is there a Hawaiian fire dancer? Is there a Hawaiian fire dancer gonna come in and announce, announce the food like a special?

• 47:08Speaker 01

  They're making the guacamole.

• 47:09Speaker 04

  If I just did a breakfast burrito, that's, I'll just take it from them at the door. If they send in a Hawaiian fire dancer and they got a pig on a spit.

• 47:17H. Foley?

  Mr. Dillon, where would?

• 47:18Speaker 01

  I'm gonna have to make a little room.

• 47:19H. Foley?

  Mr. Dillon, where would you like the omelet bar?

• 47:23H. Foley?

  Over by the ironing board, please.

• 47:24Speaker 04

  If they're making waffles and stuff, if we're getting into it and having fun, we, they might, I might have three or four of them in a room for the duration of the meal.

• 47:31H. Foley?

  Will you make your own waffle?

• 47:33Speaker 01

  You're not going to those anymore.

• 47:36Speaker 04

  Not anymore.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  You're not staying at that.

• 47:37Speaker 04

  Not anymore. I don't go to them anymore.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  If I bump into you at a Holiday Inn Express.

• 47:41H. Foley?

  I made one recently.

• 47:43Speaker 04

  No, no, no. By the way, I actually like, would like to just go in and make a waffle and leave. I don't want to stay there, but I like that process.

• 47:50H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 47:50Speaker 04

  I like spraying it down with Pam. I like spraying it with a chemical Pam.

• 47:55Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 47:55Speaker 04

  I like putting the, putting the wa, and you know what they do? They, they measure out how much you need for the waffle.

• 48:00H. Foley?

  You don't have to think about it.

• 48:01Speaker 04

  You don't have to think about it, but I, I go, let's do a little extra. I like to see it drip out.

• 48:06H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  And then you turn it around. Uh, but it's a, I, I, I, that was my favorite thing as a kid, the Marriott Breakfast Buffet. Me and my mother, because she hated my father, would take me to the Marriott Breakfast Buffet. We'd sit there, we'd eat for two and a half hours. And then go to sleep for the whole day.

• 48:21H. Foley?

  Isn't it crazy?

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Hey, would you think you wouldn't stay at the hotel? You would just go there for breakfast?

• 48:25Speaker 04

  No, because they had breakfast buffet. So we would just drive 40 minutes from my house to the Marriott. And we'd have the Marriott Breakfast Buffet. And my father would stay home and watch Hercules and then Xena Warrior Princess. Which were the offerings on W P I X 11.

• 48:40H. Foley?

  Made a lot of money on those two shows, though.

• 48:42Speaker 04

  I mean, Lucy Lawless, Kevin Sorbo.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  Cash cows, dude. They were big. Ah, okay.

• 48:50Speaker 04

  It was the same scene, just a bunch of guys with jugs and a thing having fights. Stupid.

• 48:54H. Foley?

  What I was gonna say about the waffle station is with all the insurance things.

• 48:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:58H. Foley?

  You know, you take the high dives away, you take this away, take that away. You got this burning hot thing. You would think that would be gone by now.

• 49:07Speaker 04

  You can't take it all away.

• 49:08H. Foley?

  True.

• 49:09Speaker 01

  You gotta thin the herd somehow.

• 49:12Speaker 04

  You can't take it all away. You gotta give him something. You gotta give him something. You don't get a lot, you don't get a lot here, but you do get a, a nice hot waffle.

• 49:22H. Foley?

  I'll give you that.

• 49:23Speaker 04

  You get a hot waffle.

• 49:24H. Foley?

  Go burn yourself.

• 49:24Speaker 04

  You get a hot waffle.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  I love how you're taking, you don't get a lot here.

• 49:28Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, you don't. You're not getting healthcare. You get a waffle.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  You get a waffle. You get to make your own waffle.

• 49:33Speaker 04

  Make your own waffle.

• 49:34H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 49:35Speaker 01

  Uh, I saw, yeah, okay. Man, my head hurts.

• 49:39H. Foley?

  Tim, let me ask you this. Is it ground beef or is it hamburger meat?

• 49:47Speaker 01

  No one's ever thought about this. They just knee jerk react.

• 49:49Speaker 04

  Well, they're idiots.

• 49:53Speaker 04

  To me, uh, I, it was called hamburger meat for me, uh, while I was growing up. And then it became ground beef.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  You're running in, you're running in class of your circles.

• 50:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  That's what happened.

• 50:05H. Foley?

  For sure. When you moved up to the 90, 10.

• 50:07Speaker 04

  Yeah. My grandmother liked an 80, 20. I still like an 80, 20. You need 20 fat in there.

• 50:12H. Foley?

  Of course. Of course. We all know that. Milk wise, I'm sure we've answered this, but let's just run back. It's whole, all day.

• 50:20Speaker 04

  Well, for sure, but here's a reality. We had a lot of, we had a lot of options. We had 1%, 2%, like, because that's the idea of like, hey, it's, it's good for you. It's good for you.

• 50:30H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 50:30Speaker 04

  Have a little skim. Kims like water.

• 50:33H. Foley?

  Do you shake the milk up when you, when you pull it out of the fridge?

• 50:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, you go like this, up and down. Yeah.

• 50:37H. Foley?

  Okay. Very good. Very good.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Uh, back to hotels real quick. Will you use the hotel pool at any point?

• 50:42Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  Hey, very nice.

• 50:44H. Foley?

  That's like the Ritz of the Four Seasons, right?

• 50:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, the outdoors. Not an indoor pool. We won't do an indoor hotel pool.

• 50:50Speaker 01

  Really?

• 50:51Speaker 04

  Google it.

• 50:51Speaker 01

  Those are my favorites.

• 50:52Speaker 04

  Google it and hit news. You'll get things you didn't know you could get.

• 50:56Speaker 01

  I'm giving them things.

• 50:57Speaker 04

  You'll get amoebas crawling in orifices. The inside the hotel pool worries me a little bit. Outdoors, we hope, you know, it's adequately chlorinated.

• 51:06Speaker 01

  I just did it in Milwaukee.

• 51:08Speaker 04

  I get a little nervous in the indoor pool.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 51:10Speaker 04

  Unless it's like connected to a rec center, college or something.

• 51:13Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 51:14Speaker 04

  But if we're talking just a little dumpy, real pool, you open it up, it's real hot in there.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  It smells like the chlorine.

• 51:18Speaker 04

  It's not great.

• 51:19Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Okay. Fair enough. Fair enough.

• 51:23H. Foley?

  You ever take a picture with money? Maybe as a phone, flexing?

• 51:28Speaker 04

  I never did that. I never took a picture with money. I think I took a picture once with a check I got from my communion. I think it was a thousand dollar check my grandparents gave me.

• 51:38H. Foley?

  Was it one of the big ones?

• 51:39Speaker 04

  No, it was a little, it was a little check and then my parents stole it and took the money.

• 51:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, it did everybody.

• 51:44Speaker 04

  They stole the, Jewish kids for their bar mitzvahs get thousands and thousands of dollars.

• 51:49Speaker 01

  Tens of thousands.

• 51:49H. Foley?

  I don't know one Catholic that ever got a nickel of their communion money, myself included.

• 51:56Speaker 04

  I got maybe twelve hundred altogether. People gave you a hunch, fifty, whatever.

• 52:00H. Foley?

  Never saw it.

• 52:01Speaker 04

  Never saw it.

• 52:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, they took it.

• 52:03H. Foley?

  How much was the fucking hoagie tray?

• 52:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was never, they stole it and they paid the bills with it. That's what they did.

• 52:08H. Foley?

  I respect it.

• 52:09Speaker 04

  They put the lights on.

• 52:11H. Foley?

  Man, my mom played defense on that until I was in college.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  I thought I had that coming, like, you know, yeah, through high school. I'm like, I still got that when I wanted to buy a car.

• 52:20Speaker 04

  We should sue.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  Uh, what are you leaving for the maid at the hotel? Cash wise. One night, you're in one night.

• 52:29Speaker 04

  Do I see her?

• 52:30Speaker 01

  No.

• 52:32H. Foley?

  This is not a good answer.

• 52:34Speaker 04

  Well, what do you mean? Well, do I see the maid?

• 52:37Speaker 01

  No, you're in, you check in Friday, you're checking out Saturday, go to another.

• 52:40Speaker 04

  So where am I leaving this magic money for the maid?

• 52:43Speaker 01

  On the dresser.

• 52:44Speaker 04

  You think the maid's getting that money?

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Who do you think's getting the money?

• 52:47Speaker 04

  Anybody.

• 52:49Speaker 01

  You don't leave cash?

• 52:50Speaker 04

  You leave cash for maid you haven't seen?

• 52:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:53Speaker 04

  Really?

• 52:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:54Speaker 04

  Oh, you're getting beat. First of all, it won't even be the maid that does your room. It's gonna be another maid. Do you understand what I mean? So the maid who worked her ass off has already left. She's at her house sleeping. You leave cash, the person just walks in and grabs.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  Mine's coming for the maid that's cleaning up after me.

• 53:10Speaker 04

  The guy who refills the minibar just took that money. There's three or four people in that room. Somebody's getting that money. I will give the maid cash if I see her.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  You agree, sir?

• 53:19Speaker 04

  I'll give her fifty or a hundred if I see her.

• 53:21H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 53:21Speaker 04

  If I don't see her, then you know someone else is taking that money.

• 53:25Speaker 01

  I, okay, listen, I'm not pushing back on that.

• 53:28Speaker 04

  I'm telling you the way the world works.

• 53:29Speaker 01

  I know, I'm here to learn.

• 53:30H. Foley?

  Those minibar restockers, that's a shifty bunch.

• 53:33Speaker 04

  You think he's not taking the money?

• 53:35H. Foley?

  They show up at like eight thirty in the morning.

• 53:37Speaker 04

  They're taking the money.

• 53:38H. Foley?

  Get out of here.

• 53:39Speaker 04

  By the way, also, there's, hotel staff will do a room check to see if the room's been cleaned.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  Is it been, yeah, for the, yeah.

• 53:45Speaker 04

  They take the money. They all take the money.

• 53:48H. Foley?

  Man.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 53:49Speaker 04

  So guess what?

• 53:50H. Foley?

  Very smart.

• 53:50Speaker 04

  I keep the money.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  I have, I have another.

• 53:52H. Foley?

  And I give it to a charity for what he uses.

• 53:55H. Foley?

  Who was not on crack.

• 53:56Speaker 01

  Crack who can. Another question too, the big man went out to a nice dinner, what was it, the River Cafe?

• 54:01H. Foley?

  River Cafe, you been?

• 54:02Speaker 04

  Romantic, beautiful, you see the whole thing.

• 54:04H. Foley?

  Beautiful.

• 54:04Speaker 01

  He, he did a thing that I thought was a little, he was, you know, we have an inferiority complex, we don't belong in places like that. You feel a little different sometimes.

• 54:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:15Speaker 01

  He did a thing where like anybody he saw on the way that he was tipping cash to like the hostess, the guy, the, the person.

• 54:22Speaker 04

  That's a nice thing to do.

• 54:23H. Foley?

  Greasing everybody.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  That's a nice thing to do.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  Seems a little tacky to me.

• 54:26H. Foley?

  DXL pink blazer on, Timmy.

• 54:27Speaker 04

  It's a nice thing to, really?

• 54:29H. Foley?

  DXL pink blazer.

• 54:30Speaker 04

  It's a nice thing to do to hit everybody like that.

• 54:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 54:33Speaker 04

  You, you know, you hit him like that for a little bit. I stopped hitting everybody.

• 54:37Speaker 01

  You can't hit everybody.

• 54:38Speaker 04

  Can't hit everybody.

• 54:39H. Foley?

  No.

• 54:39Speaker 04

  I hit a valet nice.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Well, you were nice enough to take us out to.

• 54:44Speaker 04

  I tip a lot at, at a restaurant.

• 54:46H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:47Speaker 04

  Always. I tip a lot of money at a restaurant, but I can't tip everybody.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 54:50H. Foley?

  Understandable.

• 54:51Speaker 01

  The valet guys at the, what was it, the Beverly Hills Hotel, you took us out to a nice lunch? They love, you must be greasing this shit, they love you.

• 54:58Speaker 04

  I'm nice to all, everybody. I'm nice to everyone in a job like that, and if you're not, you're a monster.

• 55:03H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 55:04Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? Unless they wronged me.

• 55:07Speaker 01

  Then it's a vendetta.

• 55:08H. Foley?

  How would that be?

• 55:09Speaker 01

  Don't give him enough sprinkles, you know?

• 55:11Speaker 04

  They took the car the other day, they said they detailed it, they didn't.

• 55:14H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 55:15Speaker 04

  So I went on a podcast and lit them up. I told anyone in the area to go by and shoot them in the head. I said, if you're, if you're in that area, go kill one of them.

• 55:23H. Foley?

  Wait, where?

• 55:23Speaker 04

  No, I'm kidding. The Beverly Hills Hotel, they apologized to me, they go, we're sorry, we did beat you. I said, I paid 400, you said you detailed it. It's not detailed, it looks like shit.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  That's a service that a valet will do.

• 55:32Speaker 04

  I didn't know that, that's crazy. Pablo at the Beverly Hills Hotel, who's class, handled it.

• 55:38Speaker 01

  You also, you had just, I think recently when we were with you, you had bought a Bentley and the floor mats, you were switching out the floor mats and you gave the floor mats to the valet guys.

• 55:49H. Foley?

  Probably four grand in the floor mats.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  The old Bentley floor mat, you go, here, take these.

• 55:52Speaker 04

  It's nice for them.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 55:54H. Foley?

  Were you going to stay at the hotel? Were you going to stay at the hotel or just having lunch?

• 55:58Speaker 04

  I was staying. I did, well, what time was, which time?

• 56:00Speaker 01

  When they valet, when they'll detail your car.

• 56:02H. Foley?

  You had it detailed.

• 56:03Speaker 04

  I was staying there. So I stay there and they detail, well, they they fucked me over.

• 56:08Speaker 01

  Well, they didn't do it.

• 56:09Speaker 04

  They didn't do it and they realized, they go, yeah, there's scuff marks, it's bad shit. I go, what are you doing?

• 56:13H. Foley?

  Get that done at a hotel?

• 56:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, if they, but you know, you gotta be careful, but they're good, they're actually great people. It's the best hotel in the country. They're great people.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  Great chicken fingers.

• 56:20Speaker 04

  And the, uh, great chicken fingers and you know, it's, it's killer all around there.

• 56:23H. Foley?

  Is that your statement? Is that the best hotel in the country you feel?

• 56:27Speaker 04

  I think it's the top three.

• 56:28H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 56:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:29H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 56:30Speaker 04

  It's, it's amazing.

• 56:31H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 56:32Speaker 04

  It's great.

• 56:33H. Foley?

  Feel good there.

• 56:34Speaker 04

  Food's good, the, the service is great. I also love it because you know, go to Comedy Store, you impro- like it's, you know, I'm, that's, things I do are around there.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Let's say, obviously you got a place in New York. What hotel you staying at in New York? No place?

• 56:47Speaker 04

  Either the Mark on 77th and Madison or Casa Cipriani, which is downtown by the Staten Island Ferry.

• 56:52Speaker 01

  Know what those are. This guy's, this guy's good. Where are you staying at in Austin?

• 56:56Speaker 04

  Uh, uh, an ambulance.

• 57:01Speaker 04

  I'm staying in an ambulance.

• 57:05Speaker 04

  I stayed at the Four Seasons.

• 57:07Speaker 01

  Okay, very nice.

• 57:07Speaker 04

  And then I, uh...

• 57:09H. Foley?

  We got thrown out of that joint?

• 57:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, I, I get in the first class. I'm sitting there in first class. Grace O'Malley slides in next to me. She goes, I'm next to you in first class. I go, great. I said to the person, I go, how about a rack of lamb while we wait? They go, they're doing some, they gotta count the baggage by hand. I said, let's get the bread pudding.

• 57:28Speaker 04

  Let's get the bread pudding going for me and Grace here. We're gonna sit here for an hour. We're not sitting here for our health.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  Rack of lamb.

• 57:36H. Foley?

  In your bathroom at your house, or houses, do you have a cup next to the sink in the bathroom?

• 57:41Speaker 04

  I used to, but now I just lay it on the thing and it's actually more disgusting, but I do have a cup in Manhattan at the thing. Yeah, to put those toothpaste and all that.

• 57:48H. Foley?

  I was thinking to drink out of, to, to have.

• 57:50Speaker 04

  Oh, interesting. I'm such a garbage person. I will put the two thing so it doesn't lay on the thing. Okay?

• 57:54Speaker 01

  Well, you, uh, if you're in a hotel room, will you use that glass cup to like?

• 57:59Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  Wash them, you'll use that. Wow.

• 58:02H. Foley?

  Would you ever use the coffee machine in the hotel room?

• 58:04Speaker 04

  No, because I always fuck it up.

• 58:06H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 58:07Speaker 01

  Really?

• 58:07H. Foley?

  But not because of grossed out purposes?

• 58:09Speaker 04

  Well, it probably is gross, but I also can't do it.

• 58:12H. Foley?

  Okay. I respect that.

• 58:14Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 58:15Speaker 04

  I just, it's just me hitting an espresso with my, you know.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  Will you Uber, say you're at a hotel, I don't know if you're staying at a hotel that's not, doesn't have room service, will you Uber?

• 58:24Speaker 04

  No, sometimes I do.

• 58:25Speaker 01

  Will you, will you Uber eat something?

• 58:26Speaker 04

  Taco Bell is the move. Uber eats Taco Bell. Late at, after a show, you get a Taco Bell. You gotta Taco Bell for the, the openers for yourself, you know?

• 58:36Speaker 01

  Sure, you get that, you get that delivered and you go down to the front desk and meet them?

• 58:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:41H. Foley?

  Can I ask you this? I haven't been able to talk to anybody about this.

• 58:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, sure.

• 58:44H. Foley?

  And I'm kind of outing myself here.

• 58:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:46H. Foley?

  Uh, with the boys are not gonna be happy with this.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  We never believed anything you said about the last run either.

• 58:51H. Foley?

  How do you feel about the Taco Bell Cantina items?

• 58:54Speaker 04

  I don't fuck with them.

• 58:56H. Foley?

  Tim?

• 58:57Speaker 04

  Am I wrong?

• 58:58H. Foley?

  Buddy, do yourself a favor. You gotta do a little audible.

• 59:01Speaker 04

  I will try.

• 59:02H. Foley?

  That chicken taco with the cheese on the outside, throw a little bit of lettuce, tomato on there? It is unbelievable.

• 59:11Speaker 04

  I've stayed away from the Cantina items. I've, I like the Mexican pizza, chicken quesadilla. I love a, I love a, um, Cheesy Gordita Crunch.

• 59:19H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 59:19Speaker 04

  I'll, I'll play around with enchilada burrito every now and then, or I'll do, you know, whatever. Maybe I'll, I'll do a spicy, uh, bean and cheese, whatever.

• 59:28H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:28Speaker 04

  But to me, what needs to come back is a Taco Bell grilled stuffed burrito from the 90s.

• 59:33H. Foley?

  I agree.

• 59:33Speaker 04

  Let me explain to you why.

• 59:37Speaker 04

  Because it was a tortilla, it was the original grilled stuffed burrito, beef, they had the creamy Baja sauce, which they no longer have. You had a three cheese blend, you had Taco Bell salsa in it, okay? And it was, they grilled the shit out of, and refried beans. They grilled the shit out of it back then. It was a brick.

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 1:00:02Speaker 04

  You would get a brick, okay?

• 1:00:04H. Foley?

  Could hear a pin drop in the studio.

• 1:00:05Speaker 04

  You get a brick, and it wasn't too complicated. Get the lettuce and the tomato out of the shit.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  Amen.

• 1:00:12Speaker 04

  Are you out of your fucking mind? I want the creamy, the creamy Baja sauce is actually a creamy pepper jack sauce. It's creamy pepper jack sauce.

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  I never put them two together, Tim.

• 1:00:20Speaker 04

  It's actually out of fucking control. It's a creamy pepper jack sauce. It's a, it's the beans, the way you had a brick in your hand. And you eat it and it was just spicy enough, just creamy enough, but it didn't have this garbage where you opened the brick. Now at Taco Bell, you get a burrito sometimes? You open it up and go, what am I looking at?

• 1:00:39Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:40Speaker 04

  All you just saw then was brown. Just brown. It was punctuated by a little bit of goo. And it was just perfect. And the heat level, the crispiness of the tortilla. And then you bite into it. And there was so much, it was like eating like a plaster that they had made. It was, have you ever seen cement? It was eating a cement, but it was punctuated by a creamy pepper jack, the Baja sauce, and the, kind of the pico de gallo. And so there was a spice to it. It lifted you up.

• 1:01:14H. Foley?

  Eloquent.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  Yes, very much so. You're in town now. Where are you hitting, where are you gonna hit dinner? What's a nice dinner for you now? What, where are you hitting when you're in New York?

• 1:01:24Speaker 04

  You know, I gotta be honest. I, New York right now, is a lot of, there, a lot of people go to these places where they're like.

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  Instagrammy.

• 1:01:33Speaker 04

  It's Instagrammy and they're like, hey, we got a French dipper. We get this, we get that. Look, it's a, it's a grown up Totino's pizza roll. But then you pay 70 bucks, you do feel like you're getting, you're getting banged over the head for no reason.

• 1:01:46Speaker 04

  I still think the best things in New York are like, I said it on Stavi's pod, like you go out to Rendazza's Clam Bar and Sheep's at Bay. Calamari with a big ladle of red sauce on it.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:01:56Speaker 04

  You know, you, you, you go do a, a good pizza, you know, your Pizza Suprema 32nd and 8th. You go order New York style pizza, like, you know, I think people overthinking here. There's obviously great restaurants here and everything like that, but I'm about to go out east for the summer and then I, I'm, I'm into like just fish, you know, fried clam strips.

• 1:02:16Speaker 01

  Living on the island.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  Lobster roll, get lobster salad, you put it in a Martin's potato roll.

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  I'd be remiss if I didn't plug, uh, whoo, how you doing?

• 1:02:24Speaker 04

  It's a little breakfast.

• 1:02:25Speaker 01

  Uh, I'd be remiss if we didn't plug, check out, I don't know if you have Chrissy's Pizza.

• 1:02:29H. Foley?

  Greenpoint.

• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  Out there in Greenpoint. Fan fucking passing. Guy's great.

• 1:02:33H. Foley?

  Master pie. Wow, man. Have you ever been in a Capital One cafe?

• 1:02:38Speaker 04

  I've not.

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  I hate those fucking things.

• 1:02:40Speaker 04

  Sadly. Here's what I will tell you.

• 1:02:43H. Foley?

  Please.

• 1:02:44Speaker 04

  I was buying Vicodin with my secretary. She's sitting in the front row, larger woman. I make a left from the right lane to go into a Capital One so she can get her money out. This was many, many years ago. We get hit head on, a grandmother and her family, I hit them head on. Her head bounces off the glove box. She has a big, like a big, like a baseball sized knot filling with blood on her head. The grandma and the kids are all taken to the hospital. Needless to say, there's no Vicodin, but that's as close as we got to the Capital One, a head on collision. Head on, the car Pepsi canned and everything. Because we like to take Vicodin while we sat in the office. There was nothing to do, we would just sit there itch ourselves and, and order food.

• 1:03:27H. Foley?

  There's nothing wrong with it.

• 1:03:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:29H. Foley?

  Nothing wrong with it. All we said, a Percocet, cup of coffee and a cigarette in the morning.

• 1:03:33Speaker 04

  It's not wrong. It gets you in the mood to take a sales call and go like this. Somebody go, "I don't want it." You go, "All right."

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 1:03:46H. Foley?

  Will you chew ice? Do you chew your ice?

• 1:03:47Speaker 04

  My grandmother loved to chew ice. It's one of my memories of her. She loved to chew ice. She loved to chew ice.

• 1:03:53H. Foley?

  You?

• 1:03:55Speaker 04

  I'm not a huge chewing ice fan.

• 1:03:56H. Foley?

  Will you spit it back? Say you haven't taken a sip of soda. Piece of ice goes in your mouth. You spit it back in the cup?

• 1:04:01Speaker 04

  I'll crunch it. I'll break it in half and then spit half back in. I don't let it beat me.

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  Anymal. Uh, what are you drinking on a plane?

• 1:04:11Speaker 04

  Always water.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  Just water?

• 1:04:12Speaker 04

  I'm a water guy.

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  Okay. Or tea or coffee. Are you dinging a bell for, to get the attention? Or you wait until she makes the rounds?

• 1:04:18Speaker 04

  I don't know. I'm usually not dinging the bell.

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  Okay, good.

• 1:04:21Speaker 04

  I'm usually not dinging the bell.

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  Respect it.

• 1:04:23H. Foley?

  How do you feel as a whole about its rise, about its popularity, about its existence really? Of the birthday cake flavor?

• 1:04:33Speaker 04

  Well, let me go into this actually, because I'm happy you asked this. My thoughts on this are evolving.

• 1:04:41H. Foley?

  Really?

• 1:04:41Speaker 04

  Yes. Early on, when birthday cake flavor was introduced, someone, let's be honest, before 2010, no one had heard of it. We're talking about the early aughts here. The birthday cake flavor is introduced. The earliest and most mainstream application of this flavor was something called Birthday Cake Remix from Cold Stone Creamery.

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  It was Cold Stone, that was the big one.

• 1:05:02Speaker 04

  Cold Stone Creamery introduces this flavor in 2010. There's a mortgage crisis, people are suffering, they're losing their homes. They're lining up, the Cold Stone employees are singing, they're making ice cream, many of them are on pills. And they can't see their children unless there's a police officer present. The Birthday Cake flavor comes in to make everything a party. Nothing's a party. Nothing's a party, okay? Oh, you thought you were gonna retire with the equity in this house, now you're living in an apartment again. Nothing's a party, here comes the Birthday Cake flavor, oh, there's sprinkles in it. Is it your birthday? No, I'm actually living in hell. So, this flavor comes in, then everybody gets it. It gets cheap. I don't like it anymore, it feels very chemical.

• 1:05:48Speaker 04

  I don't like the Birthday Cake flavor, I've turned on it completely.

• 1:05:51Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:05:52Speaker 04

  And I, and I, I really am disappointed. By the way, you know what else this happened to? Cause we can't have nice things? Everything became about salted caramel. And what happened was, what was a really awesome thing, got watered down, bastardized. And now it sucks, a lot of the salted caramel things you have suck, some of them are good. But a lot of them suck because everybody went hard into this flavor. We get obsessed with these smores, everything became about smores. And then it became like, what is this? You know, it just, it gets ruined.

• 1:06:25Speaker 01

  What are your thoughts on the everything bagel seasoning?

• 1:06:27Speaker 04

  I like it, but I also think that it's like, you know, to me, it's like, I want a bagel.

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:33Speaker 04

  I want a bagel.

• 1:06:34Speaker 01

  I'm right there with you. That to me is the new next thing, that it's like, everywhere you go, it's like, put this easy, you put a little C, put it in the hummus, put it on this, put it on that.

• 1:06:41Speaker 04

  Certain things shouldn't be for everybody. I, I want a bagel, and to me, it's like, I don't like half-measures.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  I'm right there with you, bud. Right there, you get me.

• 1:06:53Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  Uh, I mean, you know.

• 1:06:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:57Speaker 04

  Jesus.

• 1:06:58Speaker 01

  Do you remember any of your AOL screen names or early email addresses?

• 1:07:02Speaker 04

  Um.

• 1:07:10Speaker 01

  He's deep and thought. He's going back.

• 1:07:12Speaker 04

  BK for life.

• 1:07:15Speaker 04

  122. BK for life 122.

• 1:07:19H. Foley?

  Is that Brooklyn or Burger King?

• 1:07:20Speaker 04

  It was, it was, it was a play on things because I, I used to argue, and I still will argue this, that the Burger King French toast stick was one of the most influential things I've ever had in my life. It changed my life.

• 1:07:36Speaker 01

  The Burger King French toast stick.

• 1:07:38H. Foley?

  It's like you're in here. You know that? It's like you're right.

• 1:07:40Speaker 04

  Because the McGriddle does not run. The Burger King French toast stick doesn't walk.

• 1:07:46Speaker 01

  You are not wrong.

• 1:07:47Speaker 04

  And here's the thing, Burger King has fallen far, but there was a time when it was a nice time. Cause you had a crinkle cut pickle. McDonald's had a regular pickle.

• 1:07:56Speaker 01

  They were contending.

• 1:07:57Speaker 04

  They had a crinkle cut pickle at Burger King. You had a flame broiled Whopper at Burger King. There was a time when Burger King was in the game. It is not in the game right now and it is a fucking tragedy.

• 1:08:06Speaker 01

  It's like a FEMA camp when you walk in there.

• 1:08:09H. Foley?

  I have a theory.

• 1:08:09Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:08:10H. Foley?

  That I have expressed to Kevin in private.

• 1:08:12Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:08:13H. Foley?

  That our culture.

• 1:08:15Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:08:15H. Foley?

  As Americans.

• 1:08:16Speaker 04

  Correct.

• 1:08:16H. Foley?

  We are the coolest at times in history where Burger King and Pepsi are the driving force. When Burger King and Pepsi are in.

• 1:08:27Speaker 04

  It's actually, it's actually beautiful to hear someone articulate that with words.

• 1:08:32H. Foley?

  We are at our coolest when Burger King's popping and Pepsi's popping.

• 1:08:36Speaker 04

  Because we need the underdog to thrive. We need the underdog to thrive in this country. Was Burger King my favorite? Absolutely not, but did, are you?

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  Was there a time when it was hot? Amen.

• 1:08:49Speaker 04

  Was there a time when you had a, who was mad at a croissant witch? Was someone mad at that?

• 1:08:54Speaker 01

  Dude, when the chicken.

• 1:08:54Speaker 04

  Was someone mad at that?

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  When the chicken fry hit, it was alright. It was alright.

• 1:09:00Speaker 04

  There were ti- I actually think there were the times with the most racial harmony as well.

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 1:09:05H. Foley?

  You know what? I agree.

• 1:09:06Speaker 01

  We were united.

• 1:09:06H. Foley?

  I agree.

• 1:09:07Speaker 04

  United. So that to me is a sad, pizza, that's a sad story. These are sad stories. Sad stories.

• 1:09:14H. Foley?

  But we could get it back.

• 1:09:15Speaker 01

  His great name was Burger King Lover.

• 1:09:17Speaker 04

  No, for life.

• 1:09:18H. Foley?

  Get it back.

• 1:09:18Speaker 04

  For life, but guess what? Not for life now.

• 1:09:20Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:09:21H. Foley?

  We could get it back. We could be cool again.

• 1:09:24Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 1:09:25Speaker 01

  Huh.

• 1:09:26H. Foley?

  Just one crispy chicken sandwich away.

• 1:09:28Speaker 04

  What is the biggest disappointment fast food wise? I'll tell you right now.

• 1:09:31Speaker 01

  Hit me.

• 1:09:32Speaker 04

  I'll tell you right now. What'd you say?

• 1:09:34H. Foley?

  No, please.

• 1:09:35Speaker 04

  The, because I was gonna agree with you. I thought you said the thing I was gonna say.

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  You guys are mind melding.

• 1:09:40Speaker 04

  The biggest fall that has ever happened in this country. From a restaurant that was one of the greats to something that is now nothing, and that is Wendy's. Wendy's in the 90s was the premier. You would go there and have a burger that was amazing. It was a square patty. You'd get a gold wrapper, Monterey Ranch chicken sandwich, ranch in bacon in the ranch. Fresh, never frozen, a salad bar that included chocolate pudding and slices of pineapple. How about you go fuck yourself? Uh, and this was, you would leave your job, maybe at a debt collection agency or at Direct Center. You'd go in there and you'd put a feedbag on, oh, a big chili baked potato? Maybe I will stay married.

• 1:10:20Speaker 04

  And now, now it is hell. You would get a salad there with bacon, cheddar cheese, ranch dressing, croutons. You'd pile it high. I mean, the Steakhouse bacon cheeseburger at Wendy's, the Monterey Ranch chicken sandwich at Wendy's. Wendy's was amazing, and it has fallen far. Shame.

• 1:10:37H. Foley?

  The thickness of that shredded yellow cheddar cheese at the salad bar, covered in ranch with a slab of chocolate pudding on the side. We've discussed this. It still holds true to this moment. You couldn't be more right. Talk about a maverick, a big potato at a fast food restaurant, and it worked.

• 1:10:58Speaker 04

  They did things.

• 1:10:58H. Foley?

  Dave Thomas.

• 1:10:59Speaker 04

  Now you go into Wendy's and everyone's confused. It's, everyone's confused. It's some Norwegian who just got off a plane and they don't know what's happening. No one is excited at a Wendy's. It's just kids go in there to film fights. They go in there to curb stomp a bitch and film it. That is all Wendy's are used for now. They're used for inner city fights. And they know it. They go, that's the only reason we exist is for inner city TikTok brawls.

• 1:11:28H. Foley?

  Ah, man.

• 1:11:30Speaker 01

  I mean, ah.

• 1:11:34H. Foley?

  What else could we say?

• 1:11:35Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah, you know. He outdid himself yet again.

• 1:11:39H. Foley?

  You did.

• 1:11:39Speaker 04

  I hope to God, I don't know if we'll get past the first because the first was a special time, but this is also a special time. And my, my hope is that it goes big.

• 1:11:49Speaker 01

  I think it will. Timmy?

• 1:11:51Speaker 04

  This is the hope.

• 1:11:51Speaker 01

  I think it will.

• 1:11:52Speaker 04

  This is the hope.

• 1:11:53Speaker 01

  I think it will.

• 1:11:54H. Foley?

  As we said at the beginning of the, of the program, A True American Prophet. I'm gonna say that.

• 1:12:01Speaker 04

  Well, that's very sweet of you.

• 1:12:03H. Foley?

  The special, I'm Your Mother, out on Netflix right now. Do yourself a favor.

• 1:12:07Speaker 01

  Kill it.

• 1:12:07Speaker 04

  And let me make one food prediction before we leave.

• 1:12:10Speaker 01

  Please.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  Let me make one food prediction. I could be wrong on this, okay? I'm gonna tell you right now, watch out for the return of Sherbert.

• 1:12:21Speaker 01

  Buddy, I just was about to ask you, were you Sherbert family growing up? It's right there.

• 1:12:26Speaker 04

  The return of Sherbert is, I'm telling you, we're going in an interesting direction now. Sherbert's coming back. Sherbert.

• 1:12:35H. Foley?

  Is it rainbow or is it orange?

• 1:12:37Speaker 04

  I'm not God.

• 1:12:41H. Foley?

  Tim Dillon, everybody. Holy shit, Timmy D. Kippy, what do you got for me?

• 1:12:45Speaker 01

  Uh, guys, the Are You Garbage Card Game is available on areyougarbage.com and tour dates coming very soon. Get them tickies.

• 1:12:52H. Foley?

  Watch Tim's special, listen to the show, go see him, go see him out on the road. One of the absolute best.

• 1:12:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you, buddy.

• 1:12:59H. Foley?

  We love you. Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week.